#after monday he said he'd follow up with me on wednesday

[joyridingmp3]

avoided my boss all day today ✅

[cherrycola27]

false god

Series Warnings: Mythology!AU. Language, alcohol, drinking. Military inaccuracies. Mutual pining, unrequited love. Allusions to full smut. Minors DNI. 18+. Individual chapter warnings will come as needed. Banner Credit @thedroneranger

Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

Specific Chapter Warning: mentions of rough/painful sex

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Chapter 12: Girl Like Me

Bradley tapped his foot nervously as he waited for his orthopedic doctor to come and tell him if he would be able to get his brace off and start flying again.

Normally, Bradley didn't mind being alone or the quiet it brought, but right now, he hated it. He hated being left alone with his thoughts.

Because now, when he was alone with his thoughts, he was thinking about what you said to him the other night about marriage. But more so, he was thinking about his reply, and how stupid it was.

Bradley was in love with you. He had been since the moment he met you.

Bradley remembers with totally clarity the first time he laid eyes on you. He'd heard the stories about you. How you seemed to cheat death on more than one occasion. You were the best.

He expected you to be cocky. When Maverick had told him that he was going to be your wingman, Bradley dreaded it. Thinking he'd be stuck with a worse version of Jake. Then he met you, his mind instantly changed.

Sure, you carried yourself with confidence. But there was something in your eyes, just behind your smile. It was a look that Bradley recognized because he'd seen it every time he looked at himself in the mirror.

Maybe the two of you weren't so different after all.

And as Bradley got to know you. He found out just how similar the two of you were.

He's broken from his flashback by the knock on the door.

He breathes a sigh of relief when he's given the good news. Bradley learns that he has healed extremely well and can get back in the cockpit on Monday.

He schedules a follow-up appointment for next month and then strolls out of the office and has the rest of his Wednesday afternoon free.

He gets his car and flexes his fingers around the steering wheel. It feels good to have both hands on it. He can't wait to start driving you around again. You'd been driving most of the time since his accident.

Maybe he'd drive the two of you up to Lookout Point this weekend. You could have another picnic on his tailgate like you did before.

The last time you were there was when Bradley had thought he'd lost you. After he kissed you in Jake's bathroom and called it a mistake and you'd iced him out for a month.

But he didn't lose you, and he's so thankful for that.

He still scolds himself for how he handled that situation too.

Bradley doesn't know what he'd do without you and the joy you bring to his life.

He loves how he gets to see the carefree side of you that wears his shirts on the weekend while you dance around the kitchen and sing when you cook breakfast. You flit around with your apron and messy bun swaying to the music, and it warms his heart.

He also sees the soft side of you that cries during movies and how you hide your face in the blanket while swearing that you aren't crying, but he knows better.

But Bradley's favorite side of you is the side of you that's fully at peace, that has totally let her guard down.

He sees it every time you lay your head in his lap and let him run his fingers through your hair. And normally, you're so tired, you fall asleep on him. Bradley always covers you with a blanket and leaves you alone. Then, in the silence, he takes that time to admire the peaceful, content look in your face.

Bradley is so thankful that you're in his life.

Maybe that's why, instead of driving home, he drove to the First National Bank of San Diego to get something from his safety deposit box.

And maybe that's why he found himself at a jewelry store getting his mother's ring cleaned. Or why when he was getting it cleaned, he found a band that matched it perfectly.

While he was waiting for the jeweler to box up the band, he found a gold one for himself that complimented the one he'd just purchased, and he decided to get it, too.

There was no logic behind Bradley's thought process. You'd made it very clear that he couldn't marry you.

But you didn't have to be married to act like you were married. And you didn't have to be married to wear wedding bands.

Bradley knew that he loved you, and when he looked at you, he thought about what his mom hand told him about love. And maybe he couldn't be your husband on paper, but it didn't matter.

Paper isn't forever, but his love for you certainly is.

............

You knew Bradley would be waiting for you when you got home. He had texted you after his appointment that everything had gone well and that he was running some errands afterwards and that he would meet you at home.

You were excited that Bradley would finally be able to return to flying and wouldn't be stuck in a brace. But now that he was free, you knew exactly what he would be itching to do when you were home.

It's not that you didn't want to sleep with Bradley. You did. You loved him. But—something in your head was holding you back.

Truth be told, he'd never seen you fully naked. He hadn't seen your hidden tattoo, and you hadn't had to explain it to him.

You sighed as you gripped your steering wheel. The real reason behind your apprehension wasn't that you didn't want to sleep with Bradley, but the fact that in all of your past relationships, after you had sex with your partner for the first time, the entire vibe of your relationship shifted. It changed—most of the time not for the better.

You didn't want that to happen with Bradley, but you couldn't keep putting it off with him forever.

He'd been patiently waiting with you. And if you didn't—well, he might get bored of you and move on.

You had to keep him interested in you

You took a deep breath before dialing his phone number and reversing out of your parking spot.

"Hello, Angel!" Bradley's voice chirped through your Bluetooth.

"Hello, Love. You sound like you're in a good mood." You called back to him, praying he didn't hear the worry in your voice.

"I am in a great mood, baby! I'm finally free of my brace, I can get back in a plane on Monday, and more than anything, I can give you a proper hug with both arms when you come home today." You could hear Bradley's smile through the phone.

"I'm so excited for you. Want me to get some takeout for dinner tonight? We can get Giovanni's?" You ask him. Dinner would be a welcome distraction. Maybe you could fill him up with carbs, and he'd been too tired for anything else tonight.

"That sounds great, Angel. I'll go ahead and call them. Do you want your usual?" Bradley asks you.

"Sounds great. I'll be home in about forty-five." You say as you hang up the phone.

You pick up your dinner and take the long way home. If your body wasn't so sore from flying today, you probably would have climbed the six flights of stairs between the parking garage and your floor, but you just couldn't bring yourself to do it.

The minute you unlocked the door, you were greeted with Cerberus and Hydra running up to you. Bradley was close behind with a bouquet of poppies for you.

You smiled at him as you pushed your way in the door. He wrapped you in a tight hug as soon as you set everything down on the counter. You had to admit, it felt good to have both of his arms around you.

"I'm going to go take a quick shower, then we'll eat." You say as you peck him on the lips and slip from his grasp.

You shower in less than fifteen minutes, quickly scrubbing the day away. Then, you go to your drawers and pick out a nice pair of lacy black panties. You slip on one of the black silk nightgowns you have before looking over yourself in the mirror. If you were going to have sex with Bradley tonight, you were going to look good doing it.

You grabbed your silk robe off the back of the bathroom door and draped it over your shoulders before loosely tying the sash around your waist.

When you emerged from the bedroom, Bradley had already reheated and plated your food and poured you each a glass of wine.

His eyes widened when he saw you approaching.

"You look amazing." He breathed out as he pulled you against him for a hungry kiss. You reciprocated and let out a surprised squeak when Bradley squeezed your ass. He took that as his chance to slip his tongue into your mouth to deepen the kiss.

"Bradley, the food is going to get cold." You reminded him as you pulled away.

He grumbled but agreed.

After feasting on pasta and a few glasses of wine, you hoped that you'd be able to con Bradley into the living room for a movie or at least part of an episode of the documentary the two of you were watching.

But alas, he tucked Cerberus and Hydra away in their bedroom for the night before sweeping you off your feet and carrying you to the bedroom.

............

You tried to distract yourself from the sinking feeling in your gut by dancing your lips across his scars that you were so fond of. You threaded your fingers into the short hairs at the nape of his neck and scratched his skin. Bradley hummed appreciatively as he brought his lips to yours.

You relaxed against him as Bradley gently set you on top of the sheets.

The two of you broke apart momentarily. Just long enough for Bradley to pull his soft t-shirt over his head before pushing the silk of your robe off your shoulders. Both garments pooled together at the foot of the bed.

You stood up and looped your arms around Bradley's neck and kissed him before turning him and gently pushing his chest, encouraging him to sit on the bed.

Instead, he climbed to the center and beckoned you to come sit in his lap. It was a familiar position for the two of you.

You obliged him, draping your bare thighs over the already tented gray material of his sweatpants.

You secure your arms around his neck once again and resumed kissing him. It feels good to kiss him.

Bradley brings both of his hands up to cup your face as his tongue dances with yours. He curls one of them in your hair while the other trails down your your neck and skims over your shoulder and down your arm, taking the thin strap of your nightgown with it.

Eventually, both of his hands come to rest against your hips, gently guiding your movements over him.

You can feel just how hard he is for you through the thin material of your underwear and his sweats.

He brings one hand between the two of you and swipes his knuckles over your lace covered cunt.

"You're soaked for me, Angel." He praises you.

And you were, you were always soaked and needy for him. How could you not be? You would normally preen at his words, but the dark thoughts began to cloud your mind again. You tried to will them away, but they weighed heavy on you.

Bradley's hands tugged at the black material covering your body. His fingers skimmed the hem of the smooth fabric before his large palms slowly glided over it.

No one that you'd ever been with appreciated the lingerie you wore like Bradley did. Most tried to get you out of it as quickly as possible, but not Bradley.

He drank in every piece you showed him. He took his time getting you out of it. He savored it like fine wine. Bradley always appreciated it and how you looked in the satin, or silk, or lace.

Tonight was no different. Bradley drank in the feeling of the satin beneath his calloused fingers as they skimmed your ribcage and headed north toward your peaked nipples that were straining against the midnight colored fabric.

And even though it felt good, you still couldn't relax in the moment.

You kissed him deeper, trying to ignore the warning bells that were flashing in your head. This was Bradley for crying out loud. You'd been waiting to bed him for months. It should feel right.

But something about it just felt—wrong. You couldn't push the thoughts from your head.

Bradley's hands skimmed up your sides towards your breasts, but before he could continue, you grabbed his hands and stopped him.

"Bradley, wait." You said to him. He pulled back and looked at you confused. "I'm sorry, Bradley. I can't."

You sat up and swung your legs over the side of the bed and turned your back toward him. You couldn't look at him right now. You didn't want to see the hurt on his face, knowing that you were the one who caused it.

What's wrong with you?

You were angry at yourself.

You didn't know what was wrong. One minute, you were fine. But the next— something was off.

Bradley's hands didn't feel like his when touched you. The normally firm, strong grip of his calloused fingertip that you'd grown so used to suddenly felt—foreign.

His hands felt cold, clammy, icy—just like—like—

Stop it

Don't go there

You squeezed your eyes shut and felt hot tears gather in your lashes.

You hated yourself for comparing Bradley to her, because all he has ever done is show you how different he is.

You also hated the fact that no matter how hard you tried, you still felt like Persephone had her claws in you.

You couldn't help but let the intrusive thoughts that your first time with Bradley was going to be like your first time with her—the first time you'd ever laid with anyone.

When most people think about the day they lost their virginity, they recall how clumsy or awkward it was. Or how quickly they did or didn't finish, but not you.

You remember the morning after.

You remember how dirty you felt when you woke up in your bed.

You remember how sore you felt. More so than you should have been. You remember the bruises on your wrists and hips. You remember waking up with the taste of bile and pomegranate on your tongue and a pounding in your head.

You don't remember the act itself.

You also remember telling Persephone how sore you were, and she said it was always like that for virgins and that it would get better. Looking back at it now, it never did get better.

She was always so rough with you. She also had the need to overtake you—be more powerful than you— to dominate you.

And you let her because you thought that's what love was.

When you were banished to Earth, you were the same way with the lovers you took. Rougher than necessary. You used them, but it never brought you satisfaction.

It wasn't until Paris, in the spring of 1813, when you met Luciane. She was a beautiful woman with red hair and curls and freckles. You became friends and ultimately lovers. She was the first to show you what it meant to make love.

She helped you realize that Persephone used you.

Luci was the first person you really loved. You were going to tell her your secret, but her father found out about your relationship and sent her off to be with family in America.

That's how you ended up in the States, actually. You were looking for her.

But, you never found her.

She made you a better person, though, and a better lover.

You knew that Bradley would never use you or hurt you like Persephone did, but it was still hard to allow yourself to be in the moment. To give that final piece of your heart to him. Because each time you'd given it to someone before, it ended up trampled and broken.

You press the heels of your hand against your eyes as if you're trying to hold the tears that linger there at bay.

You feel the gentle warmth of Bradley's hand as he set it on your shoulder. "Angel? Are you okay?" He breathes out, just barely above a whisper.

"I'm—I'm fine—I just—I just need a minute." You lie. You're not fine, Bradley knows you're not fine, but you don't know how to explain what you're feeling to him.

"Baby, you are most definitely not fine. Just talk to me. Tell me what's going on in your head. Did—did I do something wrong?" Bradley asks you, afraid that he might have pushed you too far.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong, Bradley, it's me. It's always me. It's always my fault! I just—I just need a minute to get out of my head, is all. I'm sorry." You sigh, you're frustrated with yourself. Bradley thinks he is the reason you're like this, and that couldn't be further from the truth.

"Hades," Bradley begins, using your real name so you know he is serious. "If you're not ready, we don't have to have sex. I don't want to make you do something you aren't comfortable with or don't want to do." He says as he tugs you closer to him and rubs a soothing hand up and down your back.

"I want to, Bradley, I really do. I love you so much, and I don't want you to get bored with me if I keep making you wait around for—" You don't get to finish your sentence because Bradley cuts you off.

"Get bored with you? Hades—Angel, honey, do you really think that I'd get bored with you because we aren't sleeping together? Do you think that's the only reason that I'm still with you? That I'm with you in the first place?" Bradley's tone is a mix of harsh and hurt.

"No, no, no. It's not that. I just—I just know that you have needs, and if I don't meet those, you'll find someone who will. I love you so much. I don't know what I would do if you left me. I don't want you to lose interest in me." Your voice is just above above a whisper.

The gears turn in Bradley's head, and he puts the pieces together. Bradley thinks back to the ugly details of your relationship with Persephone that you've shared with him and how she used you and made you feel like a possession instead of a person. He knows that you don't mean to compare him to Persephone, but that it's hard for you not to because of how much trauma she inflicted on you. Bradley doesn't hold it against you. He just wants to make you feel loved and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

He cups your face and turns you to meet his eyes. "Hades, you're my Angel. I love you for who you are on the inside. Not your body. Do you understand that?"

You suck in a breath and stare deep into his honey-brown eyes. You can see the love, the adoration, the kindness in his heart staring back at you.

"I understand." You tell him. "Good." He smiles at you before placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

"Bradley, there's something I'd like to show you." You tell him. He knits his brows and looks at you confused as you take a step back from him.

You grab the him of your nighty and pull it over your head and drop it to the floor along with Bradley's shirt and your robe. Then you slip off your panties and kick them to the side as you step out of them.

Bradley's eyes roam over your naked form. It's the first time he has seen all of it. He takes in all the lines and colors of the tattoos that adorn your body, but he pauses when he sees one that's new—well new to him.

You take a step closer to him, and he parts his knees. You stand in between them as he traces the black ink of the words that scroll across your hipbone. It's two lines of Greek writing.

"What does it mean?" He asks as he looks up at you.

"Those who worship here are never the same." You tell him. Bradley looks even more confused now.

"Most people think that it's easy being a God. I mean, it shouldn't be hard? Right? What could be so bad about having statues and paintings of your likeness and temples and alters built in your honor so people can worship you?" You laugh at how silly it sounds.

"I have had people throw themselves down at my feet to worship me. Down on their knees, looking straight forward, never looking me in the eyes, like the alter is my hips, begging for my favor." You tell him.

"But—somehow— I could never satisfy them. No matter what I did, it was never enough. I was never enough. And then—when I was with someone—any relationship we had always changed after we had sex. So that's what this tattoo stands for. It's a warning that if you choose to worship me or love me—you'll never be the same." You move to take a step away from Bradley, but he grabs your hips and pulls you down into his lap and kisses you passionately.

You return his, moaning into his mouth as he slips his tongue against yours.

Suddenly, he stands up and pushes his sweats down before pulling you on top of him as he spreads out on the center of the bed. He props his head up on a few pillows before he manhandles you into a seated position on his chest. Once you're upright, he turns you to face away from him before he grabs your hips and pulls them towards his face.

"Bradley—what are you doing?" You ask as you turn back to look at him over your shoulder.

There is a dark look in his eyes as he licks his lips before he responds. "You said your hips were an alter, and I intend to worship at them."

You don't get to ask him what he means by that before he physically pulls your core over his face and licks and eager stripe from your clit to your dripping opening.

You gasp as you lurch forward, the sensation of his mouth catching you off guard. You place your hands on his chest for balance and to ground yourself.

He sucks your sensitive bundle of nerves into his mouth, and you try to pull away from him, but Bradley loops his strong arms around your thighs and pulls you flush against him.

You cry out his name in pleasure as his tongue moves from tracing figure eights across you clit to lapping at your opening.

Many a man had using their lips to worship you, but never like this.

The scrape of his mustache of over your sensitive lips had you trembling against him as Bradley buried his face deeper into your slit. You were worried that he wouldn't be able to breathe, but the sinful moans that left his lips as he ate you, like you were the most delicious meal on the planet, let you know that he was just fine.

You soon gave yourself over to the pleasure his amazing mouth was giving you, and you began to grind your hips over his face, circling them in time with his licks and sucks.

Bradley palmed your ass before grabbing a handful of each cheek to help guide your movement. He growled appreciatively as you sped up.

One of his hands left its perch to drag his thumb through your wetness. Once the digit was sufficiently coated, he moved it to run circles around the tight ring of muscle at your rear, applying just the slightest pressure.

The feeling sent shockwaves through your body, causing you to tumble forward and land on his chest. You squeezed your eyes shut as Bradley grazed your clit with his teeth before pressing his thumb into you.

When you opened them to suck in a breath, you were met with the sight of Bradley's glorious cock, standing proud before you. The head of him was red and angry. It was flushed and so heavy that it curved just a bit to the right. It had a delicious bead of precum right on the slit, as if it was put there to taunt you.

Before you could think twice, you leaned forward just enough to lick the head. Now it was Bradley's turn to be caught off guard as his hip jerked up.

Pleased with his recation, you let a generous amount of saliva fall from your mouth to coat him. You used one of your hands to spread it over his shaft before leaning back down and taking him in your mouth.

Bradley groaned into your cunt, before pulling away just enough to speak.

"Look how good my Angel is. Sucking my cock to show me just how much she appreciates how well I can eat her pussy." Bradley praised you before delivering a harsh smack to your ass as an encouragement.

You let out a pornographic moan around his dick and cupped his balls, rolling them in your hand.

That drives Bradley wild because the next thing you know, he is doubling down on his efforts, lapping at you like a starved man.

You can hear the absolutely filthy, wet sounds coming from between your legs as they mix with the sloppy sounds of you sucking Bradley's cock.

He plants his feet on the bed and slowly began to thrust up into your mouth. Soon, he's fucking his cock down your throat in time with how his fucking his tongue into you.

It's a completely overwhelming sensation as you feel the tightness of an impending orgasm curl deep in your belly. It's an intense feeling. More intense than any other time he has gotten you off.

Your thighs start to quiver as they grow tired and stiff from this position, but you're determined to get Bradley off before he gets you off. Bradley is determined to do the same thing.

He close—so close, but he wants to feel your legs lock around his head as you cum for him. He needs you there first. So, he pulls out all the stops.

His tongue traces wildly over your clit as he brings two fingers to your core and sinks them into you.

He curls them, finding your gspot with ease. He strokes the pads of his fingers over it again and again. It fans the growing flames in your belly, causing you to bob your head faster and faster over his length.

Your toes curl, and you can feel the band being pulled tight, so close to snapping. You pull off Bradley to take a breath before taking him fully down your throat.

He crooks his fingers over your spongy walls and gives one more harsh suck to your clitoris before you clamp down on his fingers and cum for him.

You let out an honest to gods scream around his cock as he continues to pump his fingers in and out of you and suck your clit.

The pleasure overtakes you, and you let out a gush of wetness all over his face, which he laps up with vigor.

The excitement of your release, triggers Bradley's own, and soon, he shoots hot ropes of cum down your throat which you happily swallow down.

Bradley continues to drink in your nectar until it becomes too much, to the point where it over stimulates you.

You have to pry yourself from his grasp before rolling off of him onto the mattress.

It's quiet in your shared bedroom. The only thing disturbing the silence is the ringing in your ears and mixed sounds of yours and Bradley's heavy breathing.

"You tattoo was right." Bradley says after several moments. "What?" You ask him, still not having moved from your spot on the duvet.

"I will never be the same after that. That was one of the most amazing experiences of my life." Bradley chuckles.

You roll your eyes and sit up before flopping back down on top of him. You tip your head up, resting your chin on his newly exposed collarbone. You place a few kisses on the scar above it. It's still pink and fresh, unlike the others.

"I love you." You tell Bradley in earnest before leaning up to kiss him. You can taste yourself on him, and you're sure he can taste himself, but neither of you seem to care. You spend a few glorious minutes letting your releases and saliva mix together before Bradley breaks the kiss.

"I love you too." He smiles down at you.

"We should probably take another shower and change the sheets." You say as you become aware of how sticky your body is with sweat, amongst other things.

"Good idea. Why don't you go get it started and I'll strip the bed?" Bradley tells you.

You agree with him and climb off and prance towards the bathroom.

Bradley waits for the door to close, and you to turn on the shower before he sits up and opens his nightstand. He pulls out the small black velvet box from earlier in the day and opens it. He admires the three rings inside it, staring back at him. He just knows that his mother's engagement ring will look beautiful on your hand along with the new band he picked out to go with it. He slips the gold band he bought for himself on his left hand. It feels odd, but right at the same time. He twists it a few times and thinks that this is exactly where it's supposed to be.

He takes it off and places it back in the box before tucking it away again.

"Are you coming, Love?" You call to Bradley as you poke your head out the door, a few puffs of steam escaping into the room.

"Yes, Angel." Bradley calls back to you. A smile graces his lips as he look at the drawer one more time.

"Always."

Taglist: @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @mayhemmanaged @wkndwlff @roosterforme @daggerspare-standingby @dakotakazansky @startrekfangirl2233 @hecate-steps-on-me @cassiemitchell @na-ta-sh-aa @katieshook02 @desert-fern @je-suis-prest-rachel @soulmates8 @diorrfairy @eli2447 @xoxabs88xox @djs8891 @roosters-girl @sebsxphia @rosiahills22 @dempy @callsign-magnolia @alchemxx @gretagerwigsmuse @withahappyrefrain @lt-spork @multifandomlover4life @beccaanne814 @bradshawsbaby @seitmai @kmc1989 @bcarolinablr @roosterisdaddy36 @itsdesiree86 @waywardhunter95 @hisredheadedgoddess28 @whatislovevavy @asshlyyyy @inkandarsenic @tomanybandstolove @jiminie-08 @dingochef @laracrofted @skipchat @sunlightmurdock

[jeysbvck]

wip wednesday!

thank u @sznofthesticks for always tagging me & keeping me writing, u the best!😘🧡

this is a lil cody rhodes thing im working on. i had told myself that i wouldn't write him, but after THAT segment on monday, i haven't been able to think about anything else!

***

“Think about how fun it would be to just let go.” Your breath on his neck made him shiver and his hands cupped your ass. You were heading into dangerous territory, teasing him like this, surrounded by your coworkers and friends; somehow nobody knew about you two and even though you'd prefer to keep it that way, you were finding it increasingly more difficult to keep your hands off each other. Having secret moments and stolen kisses in crowded places, flirting and sneaking into each other's hotel room, or onto Cody's bus was thrilling. But nobody was paying attention to the two of you right now, all too busy having having fun to notice the kind of fun you were having.

“You're killing me, baby.” He replied, squeezing your ass. “You gotta stop.”

Your eyebrow arched up, followed by a smirk. “You want me to stop?” You asked, you slipped your hand down the front of his body, stopping at his belt buckle. “Just say the word, and I'll stop.”

Cody dropped his head onto your shoulder, a low, almost animalistic sound emitted from his throat into your ear. He rutted himself against your hand, then nipped at your neck, an action that made your pussy throb. But then he grabbed your wrist and pulled your hand away.

“How about we continue this somewhere more private?” Cody said in your ear. He'd posed it as a question but it wasn't intended as one — which was apparent when he didn't wait for your answer and practically dragged you out the main party room and through the hotel lobby.

***

no pressure tags; @harmshake @afterdarkprincess @crxssjae @wrestlezaynia @maplesyrizzup @daddywrasslin & anyone else who wants to do it but i haven't tagged!!

[maryellencarter]

okay, this may not be terribly coherent, but i think if anyone in the fandom still follows me, it's important for them to know.

earlier this summer, in addition to my wonderful partner of 6 years @camshaft22 , i agreed to date @johnhawkens , my gaming buddy. i knew he'd had some trouble with alcoholism previously, but he swore he was sober now. after losing my job, i moved up here so we could try to get disability and housing together, because arizona was absolutely horrendous for being homeless and i was not doing that a third time. the social services in this state are indeed much better. however, he had a lot of trouble with various applications falling through, crossed communications, and so forth. after three months in a group halfway house, they couldn't keep him any longer but he had nowhere else to go, so he wound up moving back in with his folks, who did not want him there but were prepared to tolerate him if he kept working hard on his housing.

on friday, november 10, i'm trying to be precise in my dates as far as i've been able to figure out, he got like four different pieces of bad news at once. he dug out some stashed liquor he'd hidden in his room about six months previous (before the halfway house or anything), got drunk, hid the bottle, forgot he hid the bottle, woke up and couldn't find it, assumed his folks had rifled through his stuff while he was asleep, and confronted them about hiding the bottle. this did not go well.

(he's always told me his folks are abusive, and i haven't questioned it too hard as mine definitely were, but i really have to wonder how much is... well, for example, do they actually go through his stuff when he's asleep or does he merely get confused and think they did?)

saturday and sunday, the 11th and 12th, were rough. i comforted him as much as i could, offered to drive up and get him, offered to help with his paperwork, talk to his case managers, whatever. on saturday he told me his father was insisting on seeing his paypal in order to find out if he had bought alcohol, and therefore sent me all the money in it to hold while he deleted the entire account to remove the history. he said he didn't want to get scolded for "unnecessary" purchases like games, which, sure, fine, my folks were like that, but it does mean he can't prove to anybody he *didn't* buy alcohol. (he's set it back up with the same email now.)

on sunday night, the 12th, he went radio silent, except for one DM to me about half past one on monday morning, which as far as i could find out was the last anyone had heard from him. i gave it a couple days, poking him on discord, texting him, calling him, and finally on tuesday evening, the 14th, i started messaging everyone i knew who talked to him, asking if they'd heard anything. nobody had.

on wednesday, i was basically assuming he'd killed himself and i'd missed my chance early monday morning to talk him down. i started looking up obituaries. i started talking about memories of him with his friends, at least the ones i'm reasonably close to myself. and i started to find out that his versions of some stories he'd told me were... weirdly different, from the ways the other people in the same stories remembered them. the other people's versions often seemed more in character to everyone i thought i knew.

we also found out that some of the times he'd messaged us for money lined up weirdly with times he'd claimed to have "drug interactions" making him act strange, and times he'd asked me for a lift. furthermore, i'd recently found out that his free phone "through insurance" was actually a lifeline program phone, which is all income-based through the government, so the time he'd told several of us that he needed a one-time payment to be allowed to keep it... did not fit with how i know the lifeline program actually works, especially since his carrier is verizon-owned and i have the entire verizon internal policy page on lifeline right up here in my damn photographic memory. so we sort of found ourselves edging toward "we hate to disbelieve our friend but we're having trouble making the puzzle pieces fit into the shape he wants".

on wednesday night he messaged me to let me know he was alive. hadn't eaten, hadn't slept, had just been existing in a depression spiral. which, okay, yeah, i've been there. we didn't talk much then because it was my bedtime and honestly i crashed hard from the relief of knowing he was alive.

on thursday, i didn't hear from him. in the evening i called him, and he sounded horrible, couldn't put more than two words together at a time. He told me he'd been having "waking nightmares", and at the time, I was like yeah, that happens to me when I'm off my CPAP, I get so sleep deprived I hallucinate and can't actually fall asleep, it's a problem. I told him he had to get to a hospital, preferably the one near me so I could visit, and he agreed to talk to his folks about it in the morning.

In the morning, we coordinated, his mom and I exchanged numbers, and they agreed to drive him down to the hospital. His mom sounded super happy that he had someone as committed as me who'd be able to give him the support he needed. I met them at the hospital that afternoon -- traffic was absolutely horrendous, so they had to head back home immediately, but they were happy to leave John in my hands, and he indicated he'd rather have me handle it than them as well.

John used to be a 911 dispatcher, so he does at least know that you fucking tell the medics what you've been drinking. Which it seems is why he didn't want his folks around for his intake, because that's when he dropped the bombshell that after running out of liquor made for drinking, he'd continued with isopropyl alcohol, better known as rubbing alcohol.

This hospital has a unique setup where if you're at the ER for psych issues, they don't necessarily whole-ass admit you to the psych ward, they have these little overnight "pods" where you can spend the night and they can assess you. So once John was checked in, I spent a few hours cuddling with him and chatting.

I got his meds list (and eventually found out that combining his particular meds with alcohol will cause hallucinations, hence the "waking nightmares"). He told me enough about the disgusting taste of the rubbing alcohol and how difficult it was to choke down enough to get a buzz off it, that I definitely believe he had been drinking it, although his breathalyzer came back zero so probably not as recently as he thought he had. He also told me that at some point, my best guess is Thursday, he got back in touch with @dukeswonderousmenagerie who let him know that AO3's oxfordRoulette had posted a new Jiglup oneshot; John attempted to read the oneshot, found that his reading comprehension was badly impaired, decided *getting drunk would help*, and managed to down enough rubbing alcohol to get a buzz for about 10-30 minutes (his time sense is also utterly fucked but I can't judge anyone for that), after vomiting it up multiple times.

After leaving the hospital so John could get a night's sleep, I talked the matter over with Leia. I told her the hospital would almost certainly only hold him overnight, especially since he'd told them he didn't have a plan to kill himself. ("He doesn't *think* he has a plan, but if he goes back home he will die," I said.) She agreed that I needed to fight with the hospital doctors to refer him to rehab, or however that works. My bunkmate here at the shelter, who used to be a hospice nurse, told me exactly who at the hospital I should make my case to, but warned me it would be a waiting game.

I hoped to get to the hospital on Saturday morning, the 18th, before they discharged him, and go directly to the doctors. I did not manage this; by the time I got there, John was already sitting right by the elevators and had called his folks for pickup. (He insists that he called me first but couldn't get through, and being a cell phone professional I know I can't quite disprove it, but I sure didn't have any missed calls. I had his number set to ring even when my phone is silenced, too.)

I asked John to let me talk to the doctors to refer him to rehab, a sober house, *anything* but going back to a place where he was already depressed enough to drink rubbing alcohol. He flat-out refused. He told me rehab was the worst experience of his life, and I listened closely while he rambled about it and did not manage to communicate any other reason to me except "I couldn't drink". He insisted he absolutely had to be somewhere he could "get out and about". (He also admitted he'd been able to get an Uber order of alcohol while he was at his halfway house, although he insists that was before I was up here and nothing to do with any of the times he asked me for money or -- God forgive me -- the time I ran a fundraiser for him.)

So he went back north with his folks. I talked to Leia about the conversation I'd had with him, and she was like "I know he doesn't want them to know but we have got to tell his folks to dump out the rubbing alcohol, for his own safety", and I was like "I just wish I knew if that was the right choice" and she was like "I'll do it and take full responsibility, blame me". So that's what we did. Leia texted his mom, his mom told him "we cannot be the support you need, get out of here and call 911 or a rehab".

And John called me, demanded I lie and say it was all a misunderstanding, insisted that if he has to go to rehab or any locked-down living situation where he can't get liquor he will just die sooner. I conferenced Leia into the call, following the plan.

Now, you have to know that Leia does not lie. Ever. Ever ever. I don't think she has in her entire adult life, or something like that. It's her one rule of morality. I absolutely expected her to laugh in his face, "fuck no I will not lie for you, listen to yourself, you have to get it together, man".

Instead, she folded. I did not realize she was so traumatized from the last much worse time I was on the streets, back in 2018, that she couldn't make herself be responsible for someone else being put out on the streets.

I told him, "She doesn't lie, man. Ever." He begged and pleaded and wheedled and demanded, and... She agreed to lie for him. She went -- scary, so scary it wasn't even sexy, scarier than Keith Silverstein Lupin at his darkest, she threatened him that if he ever drinks again he will die slowly and painfully, but he didn't take any of it seriously, which is possible even stupider than drinking isopropyl alcohol.

But anyway, she told John's mom it was all a misunderstanding. She's the worst liar ever, she sounded like she was reading a script against her will, but her normal affect is so autistically flat anyway that Mama Hawkens (this is not her real name) bought it. I did make John convince her to put the isopropyl alcohol in his parents' bathroom past a gauntlet of security cameras, anyway, but he's already bragged to me in the past that he knows how to dodge or circumvent security cameras.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but his mom was right to want to throw him out. Me, I'm saying this. But it was her only possible remaining bit of leverage to try to get him to seek help. And it didn't work, because of me, because I wasn't strong enough to tell him no myself, because I put Leia on the spot.

If he had asked for help, if he'd been "my folks are throwing me out and I have no ride, come up here and get me to a rehab", I would have done it, even if it'd taken all night and had lost me my bed at the shelter. But he didn't. He doesn't want help. He wants enabling. He'd rather be somewhere he can drink, even if he's in fear of his life (I don't know any longer how accurately).

It took me some time to figure out how to break up with him. I've never gone through a breakup before. But if he can and will mess with *Leia's* head that severely, he is not a safe man to talk to, for me or anyone. He will make you sympathize and take his side. He will suck all the money out of you that he can and drink it away. And eventually, someday, he will die.

I told Mama Hawkens "I still want to hear about any major developments with him, if you'd be willing to text me." I told John, "Don't kid yourself that this means I'd ever take you back. I want to know when you die, so your remaining friends can be spared the pain of not knowing."

*shrugs* I don't know how to end this post. Feel free to ask me any questions. I may be slow to answer. I... I loved the man I thought he was. We were going to make a life together. I'm still crying, grieving. I've lost both my Jigen buddies in about six months flat. But I can't be with someone who can or will even *think* of demanding that Leia lie for them. I know I can't even talk to him again or he'll get right back under my skin. I'm a mess, but I just want my side of the story out there, for when his next poor deceived enabler starts trying to figure out the truth.

edit: I JUST FOUND OUT HE WAS ALREADY DATING SOMEONE ELSE ONLINE WHEN HE PROPOSITIONED ME

wow i guess i have a whole story about my crazy ex now huh *yikesarooni*

[stillreeloading]

15th January 2024, monday

Hey my people I love u and I missed posting.

First of all, happy sankranti (and bhogi) to all those who celebrate!!

Sankranti is a South Indian festival often celebrated around this time of the year. I'm part of the many people who celebrate it.

So, the new semester started recently. So of course, I'll update you all about it.

9th january 2024, tuesday: Registration of courses.

This is the day we get back to campus and register for the courses for the semester. This doesn't mean we have an option to pick out courses on our own but you just, choose your profs uk?

That morning I cried a little because I didn't want father to leave (like how kids cry on their first day of school you know). I just didn't want vacation to end.

10th january 2024, wednesday: First day of classes!!

First hour I had management tutorial. The professor was pretty fun. We have the same prof for lectures too. He started with definition of business after a little warm up kinda session. During that session he basically introduced himself, rules he'd like to follow in tutorials and lectures, gave us a little survey with general questions like "favorite color, favorite movie" and other questions like "what do you think you'd learn in this course?"

Then we had a math lecture which got cancelled .

Then we had a pharmaceutical formulations lecture which was also pretty fun. Our professor legit looked like a rockstar (kiiiiind of?). He started with the question "have you ever taken drugs?" And everyone went "sir u gotta specify which kinda drugs" and he's just like "nope not doing that just answer. Drugs." Haha

Then we had a management lecture where we continued the first chapter.

Then we were supposed to have our first anatomy lab but we didn't and they said the labs will start from next week.

11th january 2024, Thursday: my first ever workshop!!!

I had a free morning today. I didn't have any classes from 8 to 9.

Then I had a chem lecture which was hard to understand. But okay.

Then I had workshop!!!!

We were divided into groups and i was in a group with 5 other girls and 4 other boys. This is the part where I low key degraded myself for almost the whole 3 hours of the workshop because of my communication skills which suck.

Then i had lunch.

I was supposed to have a math tutorial but that got cancelled.

Then I had an anatomy lecture which was kinda fun. Not as fun as pharmaceutical formulations or management but definitely fun.

12th january 2024, Friday: FRIDAY😭😭

Fridays are like, the most hectic days of the week this semester.

I have nonstop classes from 8 to 3 and then lab from 4 to 6. So technically, just an hour break from 8 to 6.

Howeverrrrr, today turned out a little okay.

First, I had a workshop lecture which was kinda boring. Then I was supposed to have math which got cancelled. During this break, me and my friend bought ourselves some snacks to eat between classes because we're too packed to have proper lunch. Then I had a formulations tutorial, which of course was interesting. Then I had a management lecture, again interesting. Then I had a chem tutorial where i struggled to stay awake.

Then, from 1 to 3, i was supposed to have lab (reason why I can't have lunch). But it was only for an hour cuz it's the first lab and it was only intro. By the time I got to the mess, it was 2 (closing time) but luckily there was food so i ate my lunch for this Friday.

I did a few chores and errands for myself before I went for my chem lab at 4 o clock. Before that, my friend and I read in the library for around 20 minutes. Chem lab was only for half an hour, because again, ✨ introduction✨.

after that, we both goofed around for a while before her father came to pick us up from campus and take us away for the festival.

That's how my days went

Today (15 Jan 2024) my father peeled oranges for both of us <33 (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

[elysynn]

Short Version: I just started playing in a concert band after being out of a group for several years. My lips are numb, I taste metal in my mouth, my diaphragm is sore, and I'm ecstatic about it.

Longer Version:

Mid-December a horn group I follow had posted openings with a new concert band for a few horn players. I haven't played in a group setting in about six years and I've been feeling that itch to be part of an ensemble again. I've dabbled off and on, mostly in the context of helping my son (who picked horn for his band instrument) in the intervening years. The rehearsal schedule and concert commitments both were ideal fits for where I currently am in my life so I jumped at the opportunity.

I reached out and expressed interest and the director said they weren't accepting new players until after the first concert. That was fine, as it gave me a little over a month to get back into playing shape. If you don't play a musical instrument, there's an aspect to "it's just like riding a bicycle" to picking it back up again. Muscle memory is a great thing. However it only takes you so far - it takes a bit of time to get the stamina back and work through the cobwebs.

Well, about two days after we agreed I'd start the beginning of February, he reached back out and asked if I could start sooner because a couple of the horns he'd been expecting dropped. And like the overexcited, overachieving squirrel I am, I said sure. Meaning, I had not a month to get back into playing shape but four days to whip myself into a condition where I wouldn't make an absolute fool of myself during the first rehearsal.

I got the music last Friday. And as I read it, I started having serious concerns about biting off more than I could chew - because some of these pieces are hard and would have been challenging even when I was in shape and playing regularly. But I meant what I said, and I said what I meant and an elephant's faithful one-hundred percent... So, Friday night I just listened to performances on YouTube and read along. Saturday and Sunday I got in hour+ practice sessions and took Monday off because it's super easy to overdo it, especially on a brass instrument.

Wednesday night was rehearsal night. I hoped for an email saying it was canceled or postponed... because I wasn't perfect yet. Rehearsal wasn't either of those things, and it went way, way better than I feared it was going to go. I'm so glad I made myself go, so glad I committed to joining. I'm grateful to have been given the opportunity to get back into a group. Because there's just something amazing about being part of a group of humans making beautiful sounds together.📯🎼🎶

[no-mercy-bby]

So, for the 600 followers celebration, (Congrats, by the way!) could I get an enemies to lovers with Kai Anderson, with an "I've got you" and an "I love you"? Take your time, and thank you!

I LITERALLY JUST SCREAMED AS I READ THIS!! OF COURSE!!

Traitor

Summary: You were the most loyal follower of Kai's cult, his "angel", however you turned him in and got him sent to jail. Kai has consistently expressed to you your punishment, but he fails to do what he promised because of your well-being.

[Prison!Kai, soft yandere, sick fic, empty threats, angst, fluff, you're Kai's angel and he adores you]

Not proofread really, sorryyy

✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴

Every other day since he'd been arrested, you'd gotten a call. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Usually just a threat, sometimes more, but either way you never said anything knowing it pissed him off more.

So when Monday followed after Sunday, it wasn't surprising when your phone rang. However, you couldn't help but groan at loud at the annoying sound. Your head was already pounding with a constant painful headache and you were shivering under your blankets as you reach for you phone.

Tapping the accept button on the screen, you hold your phone up to your ear, closing your eyes at what you knew would surely follow.

The dead silence only lasts for a moment until...

"I'm going to get out of here soon, Y/n, and when I do I'll-" You cut off his threat with a sniffle before adding on a sarcastic remark.

"I'm waiting, Kai." Was all you said. Without giving him a chance to respond, you then you hang up on him, rolling over and falling back asleep.

You wake up to something cool on your forehead and immediately sigh softly, leaning into the cold that contrasted with your heated skin.

"You're burning up."

At the familiar timbre of Kai's deep voice, you slowly open your eyes.

"I'm actually freezing right now." You tell him quietly, watching as Kai shakes his head, leaning in closer towards you while his hand still rests on your forehead.

"How long have you been sick?"

"Not long..." You lie, Kai's dark eyes narrowing down at you," Fine. Since Friday night."

"See, traitor, you can't even take care of yourself without me around." Kai scolds, replacing his now warm hand for his other cold hand.

You shrug half heartedly, as much as your weak body would allow, trying not to lean into Kai's cold touch on your forehead.

Half of you was glad Kai had escaped from prison while the other (rational) half was terrified of what he would do to you now.

"I've got you, and I'm never letting you go." Kai tells you firmly at your silence- leaving no room for argument- as he grabs your chin and forces you to meet his soul captivating eyes.

You nod slowly in agreement, gently grabbing Kai's wrist of the hand that was holding your chin and trying to push it away weakly. He holds onto your chin leaning intimidatingly into you face, Kai's gaze never leaving your own.

"I love you, angel." Kai whispers darkly in your ear before kissing your temple, letting his lips linger there as he climbs into your bed with you.

You quickly nuzzle closer into Kai and his warmth. Kai's warm hand rubs soothingly along your spine under your shirt and you nod knowingly against his neck.

"I love you too, Kai." You reassure him softly, closing your eyes and resting against Kai more as he held you tighter.

Finally feeling safe for the first time in weeks.

✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴✴

Prison!Kai make my brain malfunction😔

[ilongfor-the-arts]

Secrets

Warnings: language, angst, groping

Summary: After mysteriously disappearing for weeks, Jake has a serious secret to confess to you.

Word Count: 3.4k

Series Masterpost

Taglist: @jakekiszkasguitarpick

Dear Y/N,

Sorry I had to leave. There’s something I have to take care of. I’ll call you later. Feel free to stay as long as you like. Make yourself at home.

P.S. You’re gonna have to explain to me what happened last night because I can’t remember anything.

-Jake.

I awoke to an empty house and a note from Jake. I would undoubtedly need to speak with him later. There was something strange about last night's situation. I wouldn't have thought anything about it if Jake hadn't appeared uneasy on Wednesday. Last night, his mood swings and heavy intoxication led me to believe that something was going on with him that I wasn't seeing.

Despite Jake's assurance that I could stay as long as I wanted, I didn’t want to spend my day in an empty house. Especially when his siblings or parents could come home at any time. I folded his blanket and placed it on the recliner. I adjusted a few of the pillows that had become uneven and began to drive home.

I waited for Jake to call me that night for hours. I even stayed up late in hopes of receiving a call from him. Nothing. I attempted to contact him, but there was no answer. I assumed he was probably busy, so I went to bed. Nothing the next day. No call, no answer. The next day, and the day after that, were the same. Until it was finally Monday once more.

“What happened on Thursday Y/N?”

“What do you mean?”

I came to a halt in front of my locker, flipping through the numbers to form my combination.

“I was texting you all night and you weren’t answering. You always answer your texts.”

When I opened my locker, a few scraps of paper fell out. I knelt down to pick them up off the floor.

“Sorry. I was at a birthday party for some old middle school friend. I was out pretty late.”

I stood up again, shoving everything that had fallen back into my locker. I took my math book and slid it under my arm as I tried to reorganize everything.

“You must have been out really late. I was texting you until one in the morning.”

I shut the door and clicked the lock shut.

“Yeah. We were out super late and when I got home I was exhausted. Sorry. I didn’t think to check my phone.”

I responded to Kathryn's texts two days after she sent them. That was a lot longer than it usually took me to respond to texts. To be honest, I was worried about Jake. He said he'd call me, but he never did. Not only that, but when I called him, he didn't answer. The entire situation was strange. At least I could talk to him during the first period.

“That’s alright. See you at lunch.”

Before parting ways, we both waved goodbye to each other.

I planned on seeing Jake, telling him I needed to talk to him, and meeting him after school. I walked to my class and sat in a seat next to an empty desk. I kept a close eye on the door, waiting for him to walk through it, his black boots stomping aggressively on the ground. The bell rang, and he still wasn’t there.

Jake didn't show up to class that day. I didn't even notice him at school. He was also absent the following day, and the day after that, and the day after that. He was gone for the entire week. Every night, I tried to call him, hoping to receive an answer. He never picked up the phone.

I drove to his house that weekend. Except for him, every member of his family was present. They tried to reassure me by explaining that Jake would frequently leave the house for a few days and would always return.

I would have believed them if Jake hadn't revealed his insane desire to leave. I'm sure something happened last night that caused him to snap. He's gone, and I'll never see him again. I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. He wasn't gone. He’d come back.

He did come back, a week later. It was a Friday, and I was about to leave school when I caught sight of Jake out of the corner of my eye. He was standing next to his car, seemingly looking for someone. It took everything I had not to run up to him and give him a big hug. I kept my cool and approached him slowly. Only when I reached him did I unleash my anger.

“Jake! Where the fuck were you!? You left me a note saying you’d call me then you fucking left!”

Jake raised his hand silently to indicate that he wished to speak.

“I know. I know. I’m really sorry. I just…”

He paused, nervously licking his lips and shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

“Things got complicated. More complicated than I was anticipating.”

My rage was starting to fade. It had now been replaced by genuine concern. More than anything, I wanted to know what was going on.

“Jake. What exactly got so complicated that you had to leave for two weeks?”

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

He sounded so unconcerned. As if we were talking about the weather. I burst out laughing at his remark. My initial rage had returned.

“Nothing?! Jake, you were gone for two fucking weeks! I was so worried I went to your house and asked where you were! I haven’t slept in over a week! And now you’re telling me you left because of nothing?!”

Jake snapped, he grabbed my shoulders and stared intensely into my eyes.

“I said don’t worry about it!”

He raised his voice, drawing the attention of those around us. I tensed and recoiled under his firm grip. He immediately recognized the terror in my eyes. His gaze softened almost immediately. Jake shifted his gaze from side to side, noticing the stares and relaxed. He dropped his hands to his side, sighing.

“Sorry. But you really shouldn’t worry about me.”

I clenched my teeth, unsure of how to react.

“Jake. I’ll be your friend but you can’t just leave for two weeks and then act like it’s no big deal.”

Jake leaned back against his car, his arms crossed across his chest.

“You need to leave. I’m here to pick up my girlfriend. She’ll be out any minute now.”

He leaned over my shoulder, observing everyone leave the building. I was tired of him and this conversation.

“Will you call me later?”

“Sure.”

Jake was barely paying attention. I doubt he'd call me back, but I said okay and left him alone. I wasn’t in the mood to argue with him anymore.

I'm not sure what happened to him. He was a really nice guy a few weeks ago. Whatever happened in those two weeks had a significant impact on him. He wasn't the confident, charming man he used to be. He was now stiff and cold. I wish I could go back in time and tell him not to go. I wished for the return of the old Jake.

Later that night, I called him. Once, twice, three times. I didn't expect him to respond, but I had a feeling he would pick up this time. When I dialed his number, the phone rang. I pressed it to my ear and waited. The phone nearly rang five times and I was about to hang up. Then, at the last possible moment, he picked up.

“Hello?”

I let out a sigh of relief.

“Hey Jake… you said you were gonna call me-”

“Yeah. I was. We need to talk.”

My heart skipped a beat. The way he said those words suggested he had something dire to confess.

“Okay.”

“I don’t mean on the phone. I mean like… in person.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah. I need to say it now.”

I inhaled a shaky breath.

“Alright.”

“I’ll come pick you up.”

“Okay. See ya soon.”

“See ya.”

I paced around my room. I needed to let off some steam. My hands were trembling, and I was perspiring profusely. I walked back and forth, back and forth, waiting for Jake. I couldn't imagine what on earth he'd need to confess. My thoughts were racing at a million miles per hour. Every time I breathed, it was ragged and forced. After sweating through the first shirt, I changed. I tried to divert my attention. I made my bed, looked in the mirror, brushed my teeth, washed my face, and paced around my room a little more.

I heard a car pull up my driveway. The sound of an engine began to inch closer. Once I was certain it was Jake’s car, I perked up and ran down the stairs at full speed, almost tripping on the carpet. I came to a halt a few feet from the door and started walking casually. So Jake wouldn't see me nearly kill myself because I was running so fast.

I walked out to his car, staring at my feet, suddenly nervous rather than anxious. I climbed into his car and sat in the passenger seat. I tucked my shirt into my shorts and buckled my seatbelt.

“Where are we going?”

“By the cliff. We need to go somewhere private for this. Somewhere there’s no risk of someone eavesdropping.”

I didn't think we needed to go all the way out into the woods to talk, but I agreed. I honestly didn't care as long as Jake finally told me what he'd been keeping hidden from me. We drove in silence. Jake’s eyes were glued on the road. He didn’t want to acknowledge me until he absolutely had to.

The smooth city streets eventually deteriorated into bumpy gravel. The tall buildings that surrounded us morphed into large trees. As we traveled deep into the woods to the location where I nearly had my first kiss, I could feel the air becoming cleaner.

We parked, and I climbed out without waiting for Jake to come around to the other side and assist me. The walk through the woods was deafeningly quiet. The only sounds were the rustling of the trees, the crunching of the ground beneath our feet, and the chirping of the crickets.

The trees began to thin, and I noticed a clearing ahead of us. We both continued walking until we were almost at the cliff's edge. The scene was just as lovely tonight as it had been weeks before. Except now there was a heaviness in the air that wasn't there before. I stood directly in front of Jake, igniting intense eye contact.

“What’s going on Jake? I want an honest answer. I’m tired of all this beating around the bush.”

Jake stood in front of me, staring at me intently. I could tell his thoughts were racing. He was trying to think of the right words to say. He didn't want to screw up this opportunity. I waited in silence, expecting his response at any moment. He clenched his jaw, the trees rustled, I blinked. We were both nervous, tense, and waiting. Suddenly, he relaxed. I was surprised, though I didn't show it on my face.

“Did we… do anything that one night you slept over?”

I was tempted to tell him about how he felt me up in just his boxers, but I shook my head instead.

“No. We didn’t.”

Jake nodded his head, biting his bottom lip. I cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

“Is that all you wanted to ask me? I thought you were about to confess something serious.”

Jake took a large step forward, locking his gaze on mine.

“Well. There was one thing I needed to get off my chest.”

He was frighteningly close to me. I could feel his breath on my cheek. His long hair was hanging around his face, outlining his features in the soft glow of the moon. He looked ethereal.

“What is it?”

I could feel it hanging in the air in the few moments before it happened. The way he looked at me and traced the outline of my lips with his mouth. The way he stood with our chests almost flush together.

He swooped his head down, connecting our lips. I flinched at first, but soon found myself wrapping my arms around his neck and pulled him in closer.

“Jake. What are you gonna do about your girlfriend?”

I murmured against his lips in between kisses.

“Fuck her.”

Jake traced his fingers up my leg and under my shirt. Just like he had done previously. Only now, he was stone cold sober. I raked my hands through his hair as he slipped his tongue into my mouth without warning. I could feel the calluses on his fingertips moving up my stomach until they eventually reached my bra.

He kneaded my breasts in his hands, causing a low moan to escape from the back of my throat the moment his hands made contact.

“You like that?”

He whispered with a raspy tone against my lips. His hands became more aggressive, eliciting a whine from my throat.

“Yeah… Keep going.”

I moved my hands to the front of him, running my hands along his bare chest under the unbuttoned portion of his shirt. Jake removed his hands from my breasts and began tracing shapes onto my skin and moving down towards the waistband of my jean shorts. He trailed his fingers along the waistband before swiftly unbuttoning the top button and pulling down the zipper. I was too distracted by his soft lips and amazing kissing ability to notice him dipping his hand into my shorts. He started gently rubbing my clit through my panties. I gasped and pulled back, only just realising how far he intended to go.

“Are you okay?”

He quickly removed his hand from my shorts, looking concerned.

Looking concerned, he quickly removed his hand from my shorts.

I shook my head vigorously, becoming flustered and feeling blood rush to my cheeks. I turned

around and fixed my shorts.

“No. No, I'm totally fine.”

I turned around to face him again. His face became soft and concerned all of a sudden. A significant shift from just a few moments ago.

“It’s just that I’m a…”

Fuck. I was two seconds away from telling this guy I was a virgin who’s first kiss was two minutes ago. I probably looked like a moron, with my mouth open and searching for a lie to tell him rather than confessing the truth. Jake was staring at me, an eyebrow cocked and a confused expression painted on his face.

“I’m-”

“A virgin.”

Jake snatched the words from my mouth. I fiddled with my jean shorts' cuff, shifting my weight from one leg to the other. I noticed his expression shift from confusion to shock. He was staring straight ahead with a blank look in his eyes.

“Is that… off putting?”

Jake awoke from his trance and shook his head.

“No! No, sorry. I guess I’m just… surprised.”

I scoffed, furrowing my brow.

“Surprised?”

Jake nodded.

“Yeah. I mean, you’re gorgeous. Any guy would be lucky to have you.”

My heart began to warm. It was difficult to believe the guy at school who was known for being a ladies man was now telling me I was beautiful. Jake paused for a moment before continuing to speak.

“Why haven’t you gone all the way?... If you don’t mind me asking.”

I shrugged.

“I don’t really fit in.”

Jake's face was amused, as I could tell.

“I know what you’re thinking. Ugh, that’s such a cliche. Believe me, I know.”

I motioned to myself.

“Whenever I explain it to anyone I always just get called “attention thirsty.” Like I’m doing it on purpose or something.”

In annoyance, I rolled my eyes and scoffed.

“I just wanna be like everyone else sometimes.”

Jake shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why? So you can fit it in highschool of all places? I say fuck it. Who wants to be like everyone else?”

Jake wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into him.

“I’d be myself all the time if I were you. You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met, Y/N.”

That was almost exactly what Jake had said to me on the top of the parking garage. Except now I realized he was speaking from the emotions he was experiencing in his own heart. It wasn't the weed who was speaking. Jake pressed his lips against mine, kissing me briefly before pulling away.

I knew he was correct. I'm not going to change who I am, so why not just be myself? Another cliche line from a movie or a book that has been repeated thousands of times. But it was true.

“I don’t mean to sound like a buzzkill. But seriously… What are we gonna do about your girlfriend?”

Jake smirked slyly. He was plotting something in his complex mind.

“Can you keep a secret?”

I scoffed and widened my eyes, my tongue tracing over my top teeth.

“Are you suggesting we just…. Don’t tell her?”

“That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.”

I didn't want to keep anything from anyone, but the idea of a secret relationship sounded intriguing. I imagined us giving each other an inconspicuous dirty look in math class, knowing it was our little secret. Plus, he was too enticing to resist. I needed him to be mine no matter what it cost. I could lie to a few people if it meant having Jake.

“Alright.”

I smiled at him, already anticipating the next stage of our relationship.

Jake hugged me even tighter, his head nestled in the crook of my neck. He placed his lips against my ear.

“You make me so happy Y/N. You have no idea.”

He drew back, his eyes sweetly fixed on mine. This was the first time in weeks that I saw kindness in his eyes.

“Even if you are a little bit of a cliche.”

I pushed him away and jokingly smacked him on the shoulder.

“Ugh! You are unbelievable.”

Jake chuckled.

“Should we start making our way back?”

I nodded.

“Yes. I think we should.”

The drive home was brimming with happy energy. We had moved on from our miscommunication and were now in a secret relationship. This night couldn't possibly get any better. I rolled down his windows, allowing the cool summer breeze to enter. Jake turned on the radio, and everything returned to normalcy. Only now, we entered a new phase in our relationship. This was a phase I was really looking forward to. I'll admit that picturing all of the future sexual scenarios I'd most likely encounter scared me a little. But I wasn't going to be concerned about it tonight. Tonight, all I wanted to do was spend as much time as possible with Jake.

When Jake arrived at my house, he kissed me goodnight. I let my mind wander as I watched him drive away from the window near my front door. Only now did my fantasies seem more attainable.

I stayed up until almost 4 a.m. thinking about my future with Jake. I was hit with a new wave of emotion every time I thought about his face or the way his hair hung over his shoulders or his deep brown eyes. I'll never get over the way his lips feel when they're pressed against mine. However, as I reflect on today's events, I realize I forgot to ask one crucial question on the cliff. My mind was racing so fast that I completely forgot to ask him a crucial question. What on earth did he do during his two-week absence? Whatever the case may be, we had all the time in the world. I'd be able to question him whenever I wanted.

He probably just needed to get away for a while. It probably wasn’t anything concerning. It couldn’t be… Right?

[marshmellowfluff221]

Levi is Soft?

Pairing: Levi x Reader

Summary: Just a collection of moments where the team catches their captain's soft side.

Warnings: N/A

-

Sunday

Training. That's all that was happening.

New orders for an escort mission had been given and set to take place sometime next week. Levi decided to ask for your help training his squad for this particular mission. You had a history of stealth related objectives and escorting people around.

The two of you had just sent the team to run another lap around the stables.

You let out an exaggerated sigh, turning and resting your forehead against Levi's shoulder. His hand came up to rest upon the top of your head, fingers carding through the strands of your hair.

"This is exhausting." You mutter, lifting your head to meet his eyes.

"You aren't doing anything." Levi reminds, the same stoic expression on his face. His lips, however, twitched up into a small smile. Your eyes bore into his, a loving smile across your lips. You brought your hands up to rest on his shoulder, using them as a cushion to rest your chin on.

"You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now." You admit. Levi shakes his head.

"Not now." He gently pokes at your cheek as he hears the heavy footsteps of the squad coming back around. You step away from him with another exaggerated sigh.

It was Armin who rounded the corner first. It was also Armin who noticed the smile Levi wore before it was wiped away in an instant. As they halted before you and Levi, Armin took note of the smile you wore. Was that blush on your cheeks?

Monday

Armin pressed his hands against Eren's feet as the boy did sit ups. His gaze was not on Eren, but on the two captains. He furrowed his brow as he noticed that Levi stood a step closer to you than anyone else. Maybe it was the angle he was at?

"Hey Eren..." Armin trailed off, looking at the boy in front of him.

"What?" Eren breathed out, obviously tired from the constant workout.

"You think Levi and Y/n are close?" The blonde asked as Eren sat up, resting his elbows on his knees as he took a break. Eren glanced over to the two before turning back to Armin and shrugging.

"Dunno, your turn." Eren nodded and Armin sighed as he moved to begin his sit ups.

Unknown to them was the conversation you were having with Levi. To squad working out it seemed like your little chatter was about them, but it wasn't.

"Levi." You sigh, crossing your arms over your chest. "I've told you that you need sleep."

"I do sleep." He mutters. Levi's foot nudges yours. "Don't cross your arms."

"Don't change the subject." You narrow your eyes, keeping them forward. "You only sleep when I'm in bed."

"That's sleeping." He adds a little force to his nudge. "I told you to uncross your arms."

"And I said don't change the subject." You spare a quick glance his way. Levi has his usual stoic expression. "Tonight I'm making sure you sleep."

Levi's eyes shift to you, giving you a once over before turning his gaze away. "I can't tell if you want to get in my pants or cuddle."

"I'll decide when we get there." You shrug, uncrossing your arms. "What's up with my arms, hm?"

"Brats like to stare at you." Levi mutters.

You hum in response, nodding. "So you're jealous."

"Not jealous."

"I recall you were so jealous that I spent the night training with your squad that you didn't sleep." You remind him, a small smirk on your lips.

"Shut up." Levi kicks your foot again before walking forward. "Everyone stop. Go run another lap for chit chatting."

A series of groans rang out, except from Armin and Eren. They both focus their gaze on you, who laughs and smiles at Levi's commands. They meet each other's eyes as a lightbulb flicks on.

Tuesday

"Mikasa." Eren whispered, nudging the girl with his elbow.

"What's wrong?" She asked, tilting her head towards the boy. It was hard to see him at the angle she was at. The whole squad had been tied to various poles around a circle. Their job was supposed to be to get out without tools. This exercise was simply in case of capture.

"Do you think Y/n and Levi are a little too friendly?" He asked, pulling at the ropes on his wrists as he leaned forward to look to Mikasa's reaction. She furrowed her brow, shaking her head.

"Why are you so worried about them? Focus Eren." She stated, turning her head away as she began moving her hands to escape the bindings.

"Heard my name over here." You exclaim from behind Eren, crouching down to be at his level. You grabbed onto the pole he was tied to as leverage. "Talking about me?"

"No! No- I just wanted to ask you for tips." Armin quickly spoke up. "I asked Eren to call you over."

You straightened up, glancing to Armin. Something was definitely up. With a nod you began explaining what to do in such a situation. After the explanation, you gave a pat on his head and walked over to meet Levi.

He uncrossed his arms as you neared, his fingers twitched at his sides as you stopped in front of him. Normally his hand would grab yours, his thumb running over the scars on your knuckles, but now he couldn't do such a thing. However, Levi had more self control than you.

"Hm, notice anything weird lately?" You asked, teetering on the balls of your feet. "With Armin or Eren?"

"No." Levi kept his answer short as he narrowed his eyes. "What did those brats do?"

"Nothing." You smiled, stepping forward and placing a hand on his shoulder as you leaned in close to his ear. "But they do seem to suspect we're in a relationship."

"What makes you say that?" He responds through gritted teeth.

"Just a hunch." You sigh, letting go of Levi and turning to stand next to him. Armin had just undone the rope binding him. "Plus I heard him last night when he asked Eren if he had ever seen us together outside of training."

As a result Levi stared down Armin the rest of the day.

Wednesday

With a day of a surprise mission done, you and Levi had made your way to his office. He was going to do the necessary paperwork that had to be done. It wasn't too much since no one had been hurt or injured, but he still had to do it. You had followed him because you knew that if you didn't, he'd stay in that office until morning.

Levi plopped himself down at his desk chair, leaning back as he placed a hand over his eyes and let out a sigh of relief.

"What?" You asked, shrugging off your coat and folding it in half before setting it on his desk. "Are you tired for once?"

"No." He huffed, removing the hand from his face as his eyes met yours. "But you are."

You nod, stepping up to Levi and taking a seat on his lap. His hands gently placed themselves on your waist. His grip tightened when you shifted against him to get comfortable.

"Good observation." You answered, cupping his face and tilting his head up to meet yours. "You know this paperwork won't run off right?"

"You need to be more careful." Levi blatantly said, changing the subject. Your brows furrowed. His fingers at your waist began to mindlessly play with the fabric of your shirt as he continued. "That titan threw you."

"Ah." One of your hands left his cheek as you gently booped his nose. "But I caught myself."

"You almost didn't."

"But I did- and if we're talking about being careful then you shouldn't have ran in and killed it so recklessly." You say, moving your hands to his shoulders and giving them a squeeze.

"Only to save you." Levi narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward to capture your lips with his. You smiled, pulling back to laugh lightly.

"If only those kids could see how adorable you are." You sigh, kissing him once more.

"Yeah, yeah." He huffs, his hands now resting on your thighs. "Get up, I have to do this paperwork."

With a sigh you slid off his lap and stood with a yawn. He poked the back of your thigh, gaining your attention.

"Go to bed, I'll be there when I finish."

"Something tells me that's a lie." You reply with a tilt of your head. He opens his mouth to speak, but pauses when he heard someone clear their throat. Your attention is brought to the door where Hange and Armin stand.

"Hi Hange, Armin." You give a small wave earning a wide smile from Hange. Hange urges Armin inside as they begin speaking about how Armin had some more information on the mission from the rest of the squad. While Levi and Armin began to converse, you couldn't help but notice Armin continuously glance your way.

Maybe he had heard something while walking to the door?

Thursday

Today of all days, you had woken up on the wrong side of the bed. Every little thing annoyed you.

Someone coughed while you were explaining how to do a defensive move? Fifty push ups.

A breeze blew your hair in front of your face after you had just put it up? Run a mile.

A bird interrupted your speech? They don't get to hear the rest.

It got to the point where you just stared down the entire squad as they held a plank. It wasn't until a hand placed itself upon your shoulder that you relaxed.

"Come with me." Levi's voice softened as he gave your shoulder a squeeze. He looked up at the squad and narrowed his eyes. "Run laps until we get back."

A series of groans erupted as Levi dragged you away. It wasn't until you were in the horse's stables that he stopped and turned to you.

"Hange is telling me you're working them to the bone." He begins. "But that's not the problem here. Armin ran off during one of their laps and told Hange you looked like you were about to rip their heads off. I thought you said you could handle this?"

"I am handling this." You retort.

"No you're pushing through. Bad day?" Levi asked, knowing he has had his fair share. With a silent nod, he pulls you against his chest. He wasn't the best at comforting and he didn't really know how to make you feel better with his words. This was enough for you, however.

"I'm sorr-"

"Don't apologize. This is a tough job. Those kids are brats, I get it if you want to throw one down. I suggest Eren." Levi mumbles.

You crack a smile, pushing back enough to look up at him.

"He's a good kid Levi." You reach up, your hand resting against his cheek. "Don't treat him so roughly."

You lean forward, closing the gap between you and pressing your lips against his. Levi's hands move to your waist, pulling you closer, as if that was possible. These moments kept both of you going through the day.

"Captain- oh my-" A familiar voice broke through the silence. You pulled back from Levi, looking to your right to see Jean standing in the entrance to the stables. Levi's eyes narrowed.

"What." He spat angrily. You discreetly pinched his side as you stepped away from Levi and made your way towards Jean.

"Hm? Get tired of running already? I was only gone- what like five minutes? Let's go kid." You slap a hand against Jean's shoulder, knocking him out of his shocked state.

That'd be a hard one to hide.

Friday

Today was tense.

That was an understatement. It was awkward and tense.

"Spit it out already." Levi sighs, staring down the troops before him. Armin glances over to Eren who then looks to Mikasa. Jean tenses up, his eyes on the floor.

"Are you guys dating?" Eren finally blurts out, much to everyone's surprise.

"Eren!" Mikasa grabs his arm. "You can't ask-"

"Yes we are. Any other questions?" Levi answers in a monotone voice. The entire squad remains silent as they take in what Levi had just said. As if on cue, you walk on up, unknowing of the conversation that had just occured.

"Hey guys, what's with that look?" You asked, taking your place next to Levi.

"They asked a stupid question and I gave an answer." Levi muttered, obviously annoyed.

You grew confused as Levi stepped forward and began ordering them around as usual.

Saturday

"So what was the question." You asked, your horse slowing to walk in time with Levi's.

"Eren asked if we were dating." He sighs.

"Oh!" You straighten up, glancing over your shoulder at the troops trailing behind. The day had finally come to set off on the escourt mission, since it would take a day or two to get there the squad left in the morning. "So...you lied to them didn't you?"

"No." Levi replies.

"No?" You repeat.

"No." He confirms.

"Oh."

"Oh?" Levi asks, glancing over at you.

"Yeah. Oh." You shrug. "I just thought you would've wanted to keep us a secret to avoid all the teasing or-"

"I could care less." Levi scoffs. "If you think I actually care about their opinions, you're wrong. It's not a secret that we're together."

"Levi I think that's the sweetest thing you've ever said." You respond with a smile.

"So he is a big softy." Eren exclaimed. Levi's attention snapped to Eren as he narrowed his eyes. "Ah...nevermind."

[blindingdutchy]

lamentation | TWO

{peter parker x fem!reader AU}

based on All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

SERIES MASTERLIST

word count: 3,495

warnings: depression, anxiety, mental illness! angst, fluff if you squint really hard

18+!!! minors stay away

Peter Parker was relentless, insufferable, and extremely annoying. It all started the morning after what you'd decided to call The Encounter, and it had been unending ever since. Nearly a week had passed since that fateful night, and you'd yet to see a day at school where Peter didn't try his hardest to get under your skin.

On Monday he sat next to you in Calculus, and no matter how blatantly you ignored him for the entire class, he continued to whisper facts about himself and stupid little jokes to you. You wished you could say you hadn't listened, but ever since that morning you'd been unable to forget that his favorite color was red, his Aunt packed him a lunch every day that he threw away because she couldn't cook, and his middle name was Benjamin. Why he thought you needed or even wanted to know such things you weren't sure, but even more befuddling was the fact that you couldn't un-learn them.

When Tuesday rolled around he stepped it up a notch, much to your dismay. He sat with you during Calculus and insisted on jogging with you during gym class, feigning that he was out of breath despite your slow pace and the fact that you were certain he could run for miles without getting winded. He told you more jokes then, too. One of which you begrudgingly found yourself exhaling a little harder over whenever it popped into your head; what did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn't know each other.

Wednesday was the worst, because Peter made a scene. You came into calculus late and the teacher scolded you in front of the class, at which point you got flustered and tripped over your untied shoe laces. Your books spilled to the floor and you tumbled to your knees in front of everyone, and the whole class laughed. But Peter? Peter just had to be the hero, and your blood boiled at his actions.

He'd dramatically swept all his books off of his desk, feigning surprise at the loud clatter as if he hadn't done it intentionally. When the teacher scolded him, too, he just apologized and made a show of picking up each of his things one by one. "Why did you do that?" you'd hissed as you sat down, scowling at the brown-eyed boy who just blinked at you innocently.

"Do what?"

He'd ran with you in gym class again, and he'd even followed you to your locker afterwards. In all the years you'd known of Peter, you had never known him to be much of a talker. In fact, he seemed like a rather shy boy who didn't like to branch out much. With you, though, that was far from the case. Silence was a pipe dream with him around.

On Thursday he sat next to you in Calculus, ran with you in gym, walked you to your locker, and went so far as to sit with you at lunch. You'd put your earbuds in and blasted music as loud as you could without hurting yourself too much, but every time you looked up you could see he was still talking. Part of you wondered why he was being so relentless, but you didn't want to ask. If you asked he would think you cared, and you didn't. You didn't care at all, and the sooner he figured that out, the sooner he would leave you alone.

Or, at least you hoped so. As you walked into school on Friday morning, you groaned at the sight of Peter waiting patiently beside your locker. "What do you want, Parker?" you gritted out, glaring at him as you twisted the dial to enter your combination.

He grinned in spite of your glare, "I'm walking you to Calculus today, obviously. How was your night, (Y/N)? Do anything fun?"

"What part of I don't need friends did you not understand?" you demanded, giving him a stale look as you swung the metal door open with a clang. Peter blinked at you, clearly not used to you actually speaking back to him, and further uncomfortable with your hostility. What did he expect? Did he expect for you to suddenly be happy? To not be completely fucked up anymore just because he started talking to you?

He replaced his lazy smile and shrugged, retorting, "You know my secret and I know yours. That makes us friends."

You wanted to scream at him. You wanted to shout, yell, stomp your feet, and throw a tantrum fit for a child. Friends were not something you wanted or needed, and you certainly didn't want to be friends with Peter Parker. You didn't want to be friends with someone just because they were worried you'd spill their dirty little secret, or because they pitied the girl who wanted to die.

The black hole in your chest was worse than ever that day, and it sucked away all the fight you had in you. So, with a roll of your eyes, you stuffed your earbuds in your ears and tuned him out once more. Just like he had at lunch, Peter continued to ramble even though he knew you weren't listening, and you pretended you didn't see his lips moving at the speed of light.

For once, at the very least, he at least shut up in class. You were thankful for the break from his incessant chatter, the endless monologue you couldn't escape from when you were stuck in a desk while Mr. Tinley droned on and on. Calculus was far from interesting, but you found yourself beyond relieved to finally be able to pay any sort of attention to the lesson.

Friday was steadily continuing along the same path every other day had since The Encounter. Peter thankfully parted ways with you after Calculus, but quickly rejoined you two classes later in Gym. From Gym he was glued to your side through lunch until you escaped to your Spanish class, which you thankfully didn't share with him, but the solitude was short lived. Your last class of the day was one you also shared with Peter, and prior to that day he had remained seated with his friends.

That day, though, he plopped down in the seat beside you with a cheerful smile. "Ready for our new project?" he asked, skipping the greeting he knew you wouldn't return.

"Huh?" you asked, blinking at him in bewilderment. New project? Our? What was he talking about?

Peter beamed back at you, clearly pleased that you hadn't snapped at him for once. "Our new project! Didn't you see the list on the door? We're partners." he explained, and you stiffened.

It was too big of a coincidence to truly be happenstance. All week Peter had been pestering you, perpetually following you around and talking your ear off, and now he just happened to be assigned as your partner for the final Speech project? He did something. That was the only logical conclusion.

Your eyes narrowed as you stared at him with as much intensity as you could muster. "Peter, what did you do?" you growled.

Peter's eyes widened at your tone, and he shifted in his seat nervously with a sheepish smile. "What do you mean?" he questioned coyly, and you scowled at him fiercely. "I didn't do anything, (Y/N)."

"Bullshit." you snapped, "I find it hard to believe that we just happened to be assigned partners after how obsessively you've been harassing me all week."

He gaped at you, "Harassed? What?" he stammered, "(Y/N), let's calm down--I haven't... I haven't been harassing you. I just want you to know I really do want to be your friend."

You scoffed at his excuse, "Shut up, Peter. Just leave me alone! I don't want to be your friend, okay? My lips are sealed. I won't tell anyone your secret, just leave me alone!"

With one finally glare, you lurched out of your seat and stomped to one far away from the still aghast boy. As you settled into your new seat, ignoring the strange looks from your classmates who witnessed your outburst, you wrinkled your nose and picked at your nails angrily. As much as you were angry with Peter, you were also angry with yourself.

You were angry that he'd stopped you, and you'd let him. You were angry at the world for letting your sister die. You were angry at your sister for saving you when she should have saved herself. Most of all, though, you were angry with yourself for how you were acting. Even though she wasn't there, you could almost hear your sister scolding you for how you'd treated Peter.

She always was the levelheaded, rational sister. The good sister. The better sister. She would have been ashamed of how you'd been ignoring Peter, ranting to you, "He's just trying to be there for you, idiot. Stop being such a jerk and let him help you. You need to stop being so stubborn..."

You listened eagerly to Ms. Lovell's lesson and instruction for the new project. It wasn't because you were genuinely interested, because you weren't, but it was something to distract you. It was something to drown out the voice of your sister that was echoing through your skull, rattling you to your core as you tried to keep your emotions at bay.

This was the hardest part of losing your sister. She'd been so close to you, so important to you, it was impossible to not think of her in every moment of every day. It was impossible not to think of what she'd have done, instead of what you had done. It was impossible not to think of what she'd have thought of your actions, what she'd have said to you, of what she'd have wanted you to do.

She had been your voice of reason, your confidant, your role model. She'd always been so much better than you, someone you aspired to be like, and now that she was gone the comparisons were so much heavier on your head. Why couldn't it have been you instead of her? She would never have had such a hard time like you were.

For instance, she wouldn't have been so bitter. She wouldn't have been so filled with rage, hatred, or despair. She wouldn't have blamed anyone, not even herself, and she wouldn't have hated the people who had killed you. She always did love a good superhero, and even if you'd have died at the hands of the Avengers like she had, she would have found a reason to still have faith in them. She would have forgiven them.

This project was going to be a tough one, and not just because you were going to have to work with Peter Parker. "This is going to be a persuasive speech, guys, so you're able to pick your stance freely so long as it pertains to the Avengers. For example, you could persuade us that they're bad, if that's how you feel." Ms. Lovell explained, "Just be prepared to face debate from the class. Each group has to face five full minutes of argument from the class and be able to firmly debate their stance."

A project in which you'd have to argue your stance pertaining to the superheroes that had killed your sister, and you were working with Peter-Spiderman-Parker. Great, you thought to yourself, this was going to be a nightmare. There was no way the two of you would agree on what stance to persuade; you hated superheroes, and he was one, for God's sake.

You glanced over at Peter, only to catch him already staring at you. The pair of you quickly looked away from each other, but you noticed the way his cheeks flared red in embarrassment. How long had he been watching you? Was he dreading the project now as much as you were?

He probably didn't know how you felt about the Avengers. Not many people really cared enough to read about what had happened to your sister, and you weren't exactly in the right state of mind to be out protesting the many shortcomings of the superheroes. You wondered, though, how he would react when he found out.

Lying was an option, but there was no way you'd be able to debate in favor of the Avengers without breaking. Could you debate against them without losing it either, though? You weren't entirely sure. It was a sore subject and you were certainly not looking forward to having to dedicate your time to speaking about them.

Peter lingered by his seat after class was dismissed, staring at you awkwardly as he told his friends he would catch up with them later. You could see the strange, weary looks they shot you, but you chose to ignore them. Everyone looked at you a little funny ever since the incident, and you'd long ago grown accustomed to it. This time, though, you couldn't help but think they were looking at you strangely for a reason other than your sister.

You had two options. You could suck it up and talk to Peter right then, or you could continue to ignore him until you were forced to do the project. Catching his warm brown eyes as he timidly watched you, you sighed. It was now or never; maybe if you were nicer he'd back off a little with the obsessive tendencies.

"So," you drawled, approaching him shyly, "how are we gonna do this?"

This was what she would have wanted you to do; that's what you chanted in your head as you forced yourself to at least seem somewhat approachable. "Uh, we could--we could meet up tomorrow? You could come to my apartment." he stuttered, scratching his neck awkwardly and fiddling with his backpack.

He radiated nervous energy, and the black hole inside of you consumed it greedily. You twiddled your thumbs just as nervously as you replied, "Do you, um, do you mind coming to my house instead? My parents are--they're a little weird about me going out because of... yeah."

God, his stutter was rubbing off on you, and you cringed at the way you stumbled over your words like a fool. It had been such a long time since you'd invited anyone to your house, let alone talked to anyone besides your parents and your therapist, and it was stressing you out. The exhaustion of the day was wearing you down rapidly, and having to socialize was making it worse.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course!" he spluttered, "Uh, could I get your number? So I can, like, text you when I'm coming?"

You hoped he didn't notice how much your fingers were shaking as you took his phone, struggling to type in your number as you mistyped multiple times. Once you'd saved your contact into his phone, you sent yourself a text so that you'd have his number too. You didn't exactly answer unknown numbers anymore, though if you were honest, you often didn't answer people you knew either. That was what drove your friends away.

Peter shot you a shy smile as you handed his phone back, and he asked, "Do you want to get started tonight, maybe? I could call you."

Biting your cheek, you paled. Tonight? You were exhausted, and the thought of having to talk for any longer made you nauseous. "No offense, Peter, but I... I really just need a break. This week has been a lot." you mumbled, avoiding his eyes as you stared at your feet.

"Oh, yeah, totally." he acquiesced, "I'll, uh, I'll see you tomorrow."

You didn't reply, only giving him a tight lipped smile that probably looked more like a grimace as you quickly walked away. Once you were out of his sight, your entire body drooped and the numbness steadily washed over you. It had been the longest day, and you were once again grateful for the escape from the overwhelming emotions.

Ever since she died, it was as if all your emotions were on overdrive. There were the many constant ones, like the guilt, shame, and anguish over her death. Along with those were more fleeting ones, like anger, disgust, and fear. Peter, though, he brought about a whole slew of new and equally as intense feelings that drained you.

He made you feel things like anxiety, apprehension, and hope. There was anxiety both due to his wild behavior in regards to you, but also because you feared he might tell people what he'd seen. The apprehension was due to your suspicion he was only so interested because you knew his secret, and was just as fearful that you would tell. But the hope, the stupid anticipation, was the worst.

It was the worst because a stupid part of you hoped he was genuine. You wanted him to really want to be your friend with no ulterior motives because, no matter how much you denied it, you really did need a friend. You wanted a friend. You wanted to let someone in.

You weren't buying it, though, because you were certain you couldn't handle the heartbreak of being wrong about his intentions and discovering he really did only care about his secret. You weren't going to let him hurt you, and if you had to shut yourself off from the world and hurt yourself to prevent it, then so be it. It was easier that way.

Peter Parker: hey i know you said you didn't want to start tonight but that doesn't mean we can't get to know each other

Peter Parker: so if you want, lets play 20 questions! i'll start. what's your favorite movie?

The typing cursor blinked at you tauntingly as you laid on your bed, huddled under the blankets with your thumbs hovering over the keys. That stupid part of you that wanted to make your sister proud begged you to go along with it, to let him be a friend, but you were terrified. You were terrified of the way you actually opened the text and went to reply without hesitation, something you hadn't done since before the incident. You were terrified of the way you wanted to reply, but the only thing that gave you pause was the fact that you didn't have an answer.

Movies weren't something you'd given much thought to in awhile. You knew all of your sister's favorite movies by heart, but your favorite movie? It was as if your brain opened an empty drawer. You didn't know what your favorite movie was.

You: i don't know

Peter Parker: what do you mean you don't know

Peter Parker: do you not like movies?!

You: i just don't know okay

You: i can't remember the last time i watched a movie.

That was a lie. You very well could remember the last time you'd watched a movie, and that was because it was with her. The weekend before she'd died, your sister had dragged you to the theater to watch some cheesy romance film she'd been gushing about for weeks. It was awful, but it was so utterly her that you'd weirdly enjoyed it. You enjoyed it because it made her happy.

Peter Parker: that's crazy wow

Peter Parker: no offense sorry

Peter Parker: it's your turn to ask

You: what's your favorite movie

Peter Parker: star wars but you can't ask the same question!! try again

You: fine

You: what's your favorite food?

Was talking to boys always this hard? You couldn't remember the last time you'd had to get to know someone, but you didn't think it had ever been so nerve wracking. Was something wrong with you? Was everything destined to be this hard now that she was gone?

Peter Parker: anything from Delmar's

Peter Parker: best sandwiches in Queens

Peter Parker: since you got a double and you technically didn't answer my first question, i'm asking you the same but also what's your happiest memory

Everything was always going to be hard. Reading his response, your lungs deflated in your chest and the numbness gave way to the all too familiar sensation of despair. She'd always loved Delmar's, insisting on getting the same sandwich from there every single Friday after school, and it had been your thing.

Would there ever be anything that didn't remind you of her? Remind you of the hole punched in your life where she used to be? It was hard enough dealing with the empty space in your room where her bed used to be, the empty chair at the dinner table where she'd used to sit, all the empty spaces she'd used to fill up. But the little things--the little memories of things she'd used to love--those hurt so much more.

You: i have to go

You: i forgot i'm busy tomorrow so we can't start the project

You: i'm sorry

SERIES TAG-LIST {ask to be added}:

@msmimimerton

[handy-is-still-anonymous]

"What..? What did you just call me?"

Adrian stared at the other, trying to process what was happening, but his eyes widened when the man took the helmet off. Oh my god...

"Oh come on, even after 16 years..."

Barney smiled softly at Adrian, his hazel eyes still glowed even in the small sewer light,

"Im not allowed to used that nickname?"

Adrian nearly knocked Barney over when he hugged him, laughing softly. "Oh my God, you're un-fucking-believable." Barney only smiled at that and hugged him back tightly. "I've missed you so much. Everything had been so hectic the past few month. Or well more hectic than usual. It doesn't help that I thought you were dead. I didn't think I had anyone left. I thought I would just die alone- that I wouldn't ever get to see you again- and I-"

"Barney," Adrian mumbled soothingly, rubbing the leader's back. "It's okay now." He mumbled, more saying it all to himself than Barney, but the small man still took it as comfort. "Good. I really need someone like you around."

"Well we can't stay around... here at least. Let me show you how this sewer system works." Adrian turned and started to lead the way, walking with the same confidence and strict, squared shoulders as he did when marching through black mesa. That gave a bit more comfor to Barney as he followed behind him.

"This tunnel right here will lead to a medic camp some people have made, it's not as slick as it used to be, so it's easier to run there without slippjng busting your head. The tunnel to our right, is the way well go to get a crossed 'the border'. There isn't really one now but it gets us to the other camps outside of the cities. Out there though. I can't help much. That's for the other team to explain to you. I'm just here to guide through the sewers." Adrian walked over to a ladder in the right tunnel, "If it makes you feel better though, this guy that's up here sells stollen goods like ammo and food. Even some water he's purified."

His face showed a serious frown whilst explaining everything, his hands move as if to help pronounce and explain the words. His body shivered though. It reminded both men how dangerous just being there was.

Barney, even though he was scared, didn't let that fear control him as much as he used to. He has people to save now. People to fight for. He needed to protect Alyx, and Eli. He'd protect Kleiner more if that stupid scientist didn't keep bringing headcrabs in as 'pets'.

This was serious shit. In America you would probably just get arrested, even if your record was fucked you could just steal and run forever. Now? You would be killed infront of everyone. Your dead body being shot to death would've been a message to those on your side that they could run and hide forever. That's why you had to train to pull your gun out faster, know your enemy better then they know themselves. Steal as much equipment as possible and make sure to keep your guard up, everywhere.

Yeah, you can probably guess Barney wasn't sleeping good at all. No one really was. Could you blame them in this sick twisted world of destruction and 'order'. Made Barney wanna gag more just thinking about it...somehow, Adrian looked younger, like he never aged a day since they last met. Focus Barney, focus. You ain't got time for romance.

They climbed up the ladder to the merchant up top. Adrian introduced him.

"This is Carlos Devina. He's probably the most important guy during this trip. Sometimes he'll not be here and sometimes he will be. His schedule changes. This week he'll be here today, tomorrow and the Friday. Next week he'll be here Monday, Thursday and Saturday. Week after that he'll be here Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. Then the schedule will repeat."

"What's tomorrow again?"

"Tuesday, today is Monday."

"Got it. I need to write this down."

"Habit of being in the military, you just memorize the days. Used a copy of a calender before this shit started and went from there." Adrian chuckled softly and Carlos cleared his throat.

"I can give you a free copy of the calendar if you'd like, Mr. Calhoun. It marks the days ill be open so you won't have to write anything down."

"Yes, please I'll take 7."

Carlos went into the back doors of his shop. Adrian whistled to get Barney's attention. "So, resistance leader huh? Last time I checked you were bloody, limping and anxious. "

"Eh, I still am sometimes. I mean anxious and limping. I'm not always bloody." Barney grinned and Adrian nearly kissed him, but, unfortunately Carlos came back with 7 calenders, gently handing them to the resistance leader. "Here you go, Mr. Calhoun, anything else I can get you two?"

"That'll be all I think." Adrian said firmly and Carlos smirked. "Alright. Well, if you need me, just press the button as always. I'll be back here." And with that Carlos was gone again. Adrian mumbled something under his breath before asking. "I know you have an important role in this all, you don't usually get a break I'm sure, but... if you need me I'm always in the sewers."

Barney frowned, "I'll be meeting you in the sewers tomorrow, Adrian, and not for the reason you want. I'm gonna be bringing a lot of people and I need you and your team to be ready. I'm sorry but I... I guess I don't have much time anymore for romances and flirty games."

Games. Right. All this was, was a flirty game.

"I... understand. We'll be ready for you. I'll have Carlos cook extra meals. How many people will be here?" Adrian gulped down that stupid lump in his throat.

Barney, always clueless to other's emotions, didn't notice the change. "Just 3. I don't wanna get too suspicious." And with that, the meeting had ended. Barney left with one last goodbye and Adrian just felt stuck. He felt gross too, but he couldn't focus on that. It wasn't important. People's lives were at stake.

His. Feelings. Didn't. Matter.

Games.

Tag List:

@girzapata6

[nicistrying]

Wednesday? Thursday? I have no idea any more. Happy Day!

This is probably going to be a bit of a rant, so fitblr stuff first 😂 Feels like it's been a while since I had a good chunk of time to spend exercising but this morning I did a lovely little 25 min yoga flow, then put my music on and did some really solid core work and a little bit of kettlebell work too bc our kettlebell finally arrived the other day! It's 10kg which is a pretty good weight for both of us. So my workout was:

Deadbug

Bicycles

Russian twists

Lying back raises

Double leg lifts

Toe touch crunches

Alternating leg drops

And then with the kettlebell I did goblet squats, squat > overhead press, kettlebell swings. I didn't want to do too much bc I want to do a full workout with it tomorrow 😊

Now to rest my foot for the rest of the day while I read my book and order Christmas presents. One of the girls at work offered to cover my Tuesday shift so I only had to work Sunday, Monday and Wednesday and that was quite enough - my toes have been throbbing by the time I've gotten home. The toe itself is kind of bent so I'm keeping it taped up to the one next to it, but it is starting to bruise a little. I also rolled my ankle at work the other day from walking on the side of my foot trying not to put so much weight on those toes so now that's all bruised up too 😂 So as much as I hate being stuck at home and not very active it's definitely necessary!

In other news, I'm getting braver in terms of not being nice to men that make me uncomfortable! Yesterday when I got to work, my friend who was on the till waved me over and told me that the security guard on duty (who I hadn't seen before) had worked there before but had to be escorted off the premises because several women had made complaints about him - one girl was only just 17 and he came up behind her and poked her in the sides when she was standing on a stool which is A) unsafe but B) just wildly inappropriate at work?? He apparently smacked one woman's bum and kept talking about it, telling her all the time she had a sexy bum, and literally all of the girls working there at the time said he made them extremely uncomfortable. So I just didn't entertain him at all. He would come up to me and just stand where I was working, clearly thinking of some stupid comment or small talk to make, and I just gave one word answers and never made eye contact or got anywhere near close to him. And even with me forcing myself to be really standoffish, by the end of my 6 hour shift he had made me SO uncomfortable - he literally followed me around and would just stand right near me wherever I was and just stare. So then when I was on my break and the night shift manager came in and was, like everyone else, outraged that he'd been allowed back (the girls from the morning shift had immediately complained to the deputy manager), we were just talking about it and how uncomfortable he makes us etc. and she asked me to cover the girl who was currently on the till's break because she didn't want to have to cover it after I left when there would be no one else in the shop. She said if I covered the break, she would come and stand with me so I wasn't alone with him. Which is a fucking ridiculous thing for anyone to have to do at work. But what got me was that she was completely right to do it because as soon as I went down and the other girl went for her break, he shouted to me 'I guess you're covering her break?' and I said 'yep.' and he came straight round, at which point I rushed up an aisle to make myself look busy because there were no customers and he stood there at my till waiting for me to go back. And when a customer came, he stayed there and just watched (which is fine, that's part of his job WHEN THERE ARE CUSTOMERS WHO COULD STEAL STUFF) and when the night manager came down, he came right up to us (way within the 2m distance as well, lol, apparently not even a global pandemic gets in the way of this pervert) and she had her hands on the bench and he fucking put his hand down right next to hers and obviously she snatched it away immediately but God it was just so uncomfortable. He would just keep coming over, getting really close and calling us 'chuck' and talking about how 'we know him, she knows him from day one he's just a lovely guy' and ugh I actually felt sick. She didn't leave my side until I finished and I am so so grateful bc I dread to think how horrible those 30 minutes would have been if I'd been alone. But yeah, I was just increasingly rude and standoffish with him and I do not care. I know where being nice to perverts gets me and I absolutely refuse to do it again and tbh it felt really good knowing I was justified in doing it too because this man had literally been fired for his inappropriate behaviour and I just know that if I'd given him the time of day and acted nice and made conversation, it would have gotten extremely uncomfortable and creepy and I would have been too scared to say anything to anyone, like every other time. So yeah this is a PSA to just be a Bitch when it's warranted! Feels great!

[ambivalent-anarchy]

Hurts So Bad... (Part 3)

-

The Week That Flashed By (Part 1/3)

Masterlist

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Summary: For the first time, Peter Parker meets someone he has no idea how to save...

Warning: angst(obviously), mentions of suicide, depression, self-harm, drug use, me just exposing myself

A/N- if you only see Flash as a villain at all times then these chapters ain't for you. Not a lot of Peter this chapter but it's integral to the story so don't skip lol

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe he was hoping it'd go away.

Maybe he was wishing for the best.

Maybe he was just disregarding and ignoring you completely.

But for whatever reason, it took Peter a week to finally act. A week.

In the grand scheme of life, a week is incredibly short. However, circumstances can always change the way you perceive things.

When you have an essay due, a week seems to fly by. But when you're waiting for the new episode of your favorite tv to come, a week seems to just drag on.

The normal, busy people don't realize is that when you don't have anything to do, and when you're so far gone into the abyss, a week can genuinely seem like forever.

And your week had been nothing short of endless.

You might've finally been done with the physical low, but the mental low was practically just as bad. You could exert energy without feeling like you'd drop if a feather were to touch your shoulder, but your brain was tired.

On the upside, no one bothered you.

On the downside, no one bothered you.

You hated the silence, but strangely that's what followed you everywhere you went. Deafening silence.

You wanted so much for someone to just talk to you. Talk with you. Even if they were lying. Doesn't matter. You just wanted someone to speak. To have some type of change in your life that forced you out of the mundane, redundant, silent cycle you lived in.

Flash Thomspon was your lab partner.

You'd seen him around. He was hard to miss. Always with his jokes and his livestreams. Forever with a smile on his face. Just like Cecilia.

You remember asking her once why they weren't friends. She'd called him obnoxious.

You wouldn't call him obnoxious though, just... loud.

That Monday when lab partners were chosen, you were completely out of it.

Staring at nothing, not making a sound, setting your head down on the table, obviously not wanting to be bothered by anyone.

So when Flash got to your table, he hadn't bothered you. He walked over, simply looked at you for a bit, and once it was clear you weren't moving any time soon, he started on his notes alone.

Which you respected. That meant he was at the very least a bit sensible, if not just lazy.

The next day wasn't much different. You still weren't up for doing anything and Flash still wasn't up to bothering you.

The day after though, Wednesday, that was the day everything changed.

"Hello?," you said into your phone.

"Hey, is this [Y/N]? That quiet chick in a.p chem?"

You chuckled at the beyond simplistic description of yourself. "Uh, yeah this is she. Who's this?"

"Flash Thompson," he responded. "Coolest guy in the class."

You rolled your eyes. "Mhm, and why are you calling my phone?"

"Well-" you heard a bottle open "-we kinda have a project that's due at the end of the week. And, believe me, as much as I love doing duo projects on my own, you need to do something."

His upfrontness took you aback, but not particularly in a bad way.

And besides, you were getting sick of moping. Your curiosity wanted to see where this was going to go.

"Um, okay. So we'll crack down tomorrow then."

"How about now?" You could practically hear the smirk on his face.

"No," you quickly responded. "You mean come to your house right? Hell no."

"Why not?," he snickered. "Strict parents? Or is the pole really just that far up your ass?"

You rolled your eyes once again. You really didn't have the patience for this. "Okay I'm hanging up-"

"Wait! I'll text you my-" Click.

You stared at the wall for a good minute in complete irritation after that phone call. You had to have lost at least a hundred brain cells during that small conversation. The last thing you needed on your plate right now was some guy giving you shit.

A notification on your phone caught your attention.

3069 Oak Street

"Oh so you text me your address and now I'm just supposed to show up at your door?," you scoffed.

-

In retrospect, ringing that doorbell was probably the smartest dumb thing you ever did.

When you told your parents you were going to a friend's house, they just paused and then smiled. Your parents had no problem at all with you going out. They hadn't even asked questions. Heck they encouraged you to go out. That meant you were trying.

But fuck them. You were trying everyday. Trying not to just take the kitchen knife and slit your wrists after every dinner.

When the door to Flash's house opened you immediately noticed three things.

1) The alleged butler he'd been rumored around school to have was nowhere to be found.

2) This was an extremely nice house. Maybe even nicer than Cecilia's.

3) And Flash's eyes were red.

"Yo!," he greeted with an obnoxious grin. "Wassup?"

"We literally just stopped talking like ten mintues ago dude," you responded as you stepped into the house. "And what's with the shirt?"

This idiot actually had a Spider-Man t-shirt on.

"Excuse me? This is drip in the finest form," he defended, hopping onto his couch. "So anyway, the project or whatever. What're we gonna do for it?"

You sighed. "Well, unless I was actually invisible for all the class periods, it's obvious I wasn't paying much attention the last couple of days."

"Yeah I guess," he chuckled. "What was all that about anyway?," he asked, to which you simply shrugged. He squinted at you, but then rolled his eyes and then picked up the remote for the tv. "Oh well, you're better now, right?"

You winced, but you were glad Flash still wasn't looking your way. "Sure."

"Wanna take off your jacket? You're not outside anymore y'know."

And that's where the problem started.

You didn't know why, but you could look over knowing you were depressed. You'd easily come to terms with it. But it was the small things in normal conversations that hit you harder than anything else. Small little suggestions that you couldn't hide it all from everyone. Hell, you couldn't even take off a damn jacket like everyone else.

"I'm fine," you answered. "So... um, about that project?"

"Yeah," he said leaning forward. "You got the instruction papers or whatever?"

You gave him a look, confused. "I never picked them up. I thought you had the papers."

"I don't fucking pay attention in that boring ass class."

"So what was the purpose of me even coming here if we can't even do anything?," you snapped.

He just shrugged.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

He shrugged again.

Your jaw clenched. Cecilia was right. "Obnoxious dumbass..."

You turned to walk back out of the front door before turning back around. "Hey Flash?"

He looked at you and grunted in acknowledgment.

"Were you just crying before I came in or are you just high?"

"High," he said rather quickly. "Why? Are my eyes red?"

You nodded. "Yeah."

"Fuck," he mumbled. "Want some?"

"Nah I'm good-" But he was already gone down the long hallway of his home. "Flash?"

You stood there, waiting for about five minutes before deciding that he wasn't coming back. Great.

So now you could either go get him, leave, or just continue standing there awkwardly.

And due to your lack of better judgment, you did the most classic horror movie move and walked further into a house that you weren't familiar with to go look for a guy you barely knew. If I die, I die, you thought with a shrug.

Walking into the long hallway the first thing you noticed was the abundance of doors. You weren't a stalker, so you didn't bother to look into any, but you could've swore you saw a room full of spiderman pictures and newspapers through the crack of one of them. Fucking weird.

In an attempt not to succumb to your curiosity, you walked faster down the hall. You stopped in your tracks when you heard sniffles. Whimpering? Whatever noises someone makes when they're crying. Someone was crying, that's for sure. And you were also pretty sure Flash was the only one in the house.

'Walk away [Y/N]. This isn't your business.'

But of course you walked closer, and the sniffles got louder. Until you found yourself opening the door and coming face to face with a crying Flash on the floor in the middle of some gaming room.

"Shit!," he yelled, turning away and attempting to cover up his crying with obnoxiously fake coughing.

"Are you okay?," you asked.

"I'm high," he kept repeating in mumbles, desperately reaching for something. "I'm just high, okay? Fuck."

You watched as he continued to search for whatever he was making it seem like he looking for. You wanted to reach out and maybe say something, anything that would make him feel better. But you knew that probably wouldn't help.

After all, it never helped you.

"I'm just... really fucking high right now, alright?"

He seemed incredibly off, even with the squirrelly, rude way he was being earlier. Like he was just trying too hard at something.

You were at a loss for words. You knew it was wrong, but the only thing you could think of was, hm. Rich boy's actually got some issues.

When he finally turned around, his face was dry and he carried a bong in his hands, lighting it and practically shoving it into his mouth in a weak attempt to cover up his unsteady breathing.

"Thought you left," he said, staring at the floor.

Realizing you'd been standing at the doorframe awkwardly, you moved to sit on the floor, opposite to him. "Well, you kinda offered me some weed and then left, I think."

"I thought I heard you say no though."

"I did..." you gulped. "But..I still stayed though."

And now you sat here with Flash and his bong.

He sat back on the side of the chair, his back leaning against it as he blew out the smoke. "Wanna try?," he offered, holding the small object up to you. He didn't wait for you to respond before setting it up again for you and passing it.

Without a word, you took it and breathed the smoke in. You sucked it up and felt it fill your lungs before leaning back and blowing it out, letting out a small cough afterwards. "Thanks."

"Fuck, you're a pro," Flash chuckled.

You shook your head and shrugged. "No. Common sense just tells you how it works, I guess."

"I feel that."

You hummed in amusement.

And then suddenly it was quiet again.

You fucking hated silence.

Luckily, Flash was a talker. Or so you thought.

At school there wasn't a dull moment if he was there. But now, seeing him in his home, he was quiet as a mouse. Contemplative. Searching.

"Say something," you said, earning a confused look from the boy in front of you.

He squinted. "Say what? I don't even know you."

You rolled yours eyes, shrugging. "Look, whatever was going on before I came in here, it's not my business, man. I only said to fucking speak."

Flash groaned. "About what?"

"I dunno," you answered. "I just don't like the quiet. Say anything you want. Just... talk."

"Um.." he looked up at the ceiling. "I got some new shoes the other day." He pointed at the Jordan's on his feet. "My mother got it shipped in from where she's out on business in Bora Bora."

Something about the way he said it made you sure that she wasn't out "on business".

"My butler is out today cuz it's his niece's birthday. She'd be cute enough, if her nose wasn't so big. It's like the wicked witch of the west."

You scrunched up your nose, imagining a younger version of wicked witch minus the green skin.

"Umm, I dunno uh, chocolate chip cookies are better than sugar cookies?"

You snorted at that. Now he was just thinking of anything.

"And uhh, I'm having spaghetti tonight.. and- well I don't know what you really want dude I'm just kinda.. life is just too boring to always have something to say for every second of every day, [Y/N]!," he suddenly snapped.

"Woah dude, chill." You blew out another round of smoke and handed Flash the bong. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was asking for too much."

He held his hand over his forehead. "Nah you're fine," sighed. "It's just- you ask that cuz I talk alot at school right? Yeah that makes sense I guess. I-I'm sorry," he rushed out before going back to the small contraption.

You'd been snapped at alot in your life. Way too many to count. But from those experiences you gathered a small truth; if someone has snapped at you over the smallest thing, they probably have something else going on. Or most likely a couple of things, piled up and ready to blow.

And you could smell that on Flash from a mile away.

"Flash, what's your real name?"

He paused, lifting his mouth from the bong. "Flash is my real name," he lied before passing it back over to you.

"No it's not," you stated, picking up another bag and the lighter up beside you for the bong, no longer satisfied with the loss of flavor. "I don't pay that much attention but I know for a fact that's not your name."

He rolled his eyes, quickly becoming frustrated with the conversation. "Eugene."

"Nice," you said, contemplating your next move. "So.. what does Eugene feel right now? Not Flash, but Eugene."

He reached over each practically snatched the bong away from you.

"Eugene is feeling annoyed, and frankly aggravated because some girl he barely knows is asking too much of him."

"Hey I'm only asking for what you'll give me," you said, throwing your hands in your defense.

"Well what about you?," he accused. "You're always down in the dumps, staring at the wall, looking all depressed 24/7 so how about you start talking? I mean, are you fucking okay?"

"No," you answered blandly. "Not in the slightest. Your turn. What does Eugene feel, Flash? Is Eugene, quote, 'fucking okay'?"

Flash scoffed. "What're you trying to say, that I'm depressed?"

"I never said that."

"Oh fuck that, you implied it!"

"I didn't-"

"You don't fucking know me, [Y/N]," he spat out, throwing the bong on the floor, watching as you picked it up before the water spilt. "You don't fucking know what I'm going through everyday, so please don't be like everyone else and tell me what I am, okay?!"

Were you being rude prying into his life? Totally.

Had you reached the level of nonchalantness with your and practically anybody else's wellbeing that you really couldn't possibly bring yourself to care? Yes.

And was Flash finally cracking? Completely.

"Flash is fake. And obnoxious. And rude," you deadpanned. "I wanna meet Eugene. See how he's doing."

Flash scoffed, looking for a comeback. You could see the expressions on his face flickering like random. Annoyance. Sadness. Want.

You were no psychologist but anyone with a brain could see what he was going through.

The two of you sat in silence again. But you didn't really mind it this time. You were waiting. Even without actually speaking, Flash was telling you everything about him.

Takes one to know one.

"Eugene's aggravated," he finally said, his eyes becoming watery. "Eugene's fucking angry all the time because people only seem to want Flash." He gave you a bitter smirk before averting his eyes to the ground. But you let him. If that's what was easiest for him, then whatever.

"And people assume things about Eugene all the damn time so eventually he decided -what the hell- he'll just give em what they want. And Eugene's fucking pissed because he knows for a fact that if he were to just disappear, no one would fucking care. His old man would just put him in the ground and everyone would be back to normal before fucking dinner." His breath was heavy and you could see mocha skin begin to turn a dark red. "And most of all he's pissed because he's been able to hide for so long and some girl just strolls in and figures him out."

And now here you were just there with Eugene and his bong.

You'd lost count of how much you'd smoked, and you knew he did too. But it didn't matter.

Nothing did anymore.

Not the pressure from your parents. Not the endless cycle of running through all the motions without actually taking anything in. Not even the stupid project that was worth half your grade that'd brought the two of you together in the first place.

Life was full of nothing just in millions of various forms.

Things dressed up and decorated to seem all fancy and important but in the grand scheme of things were just was worthless as you were.

You looked at Flash's home and all you saw was fancy nothing. Wealthy nothing. And you looked at his clothes and all you could possibly see was nothing.

And looking at Flash, you saw a nothing that was attempting to cover up something.

But looking at Eugene, you saw something.

Sadness. Neglect. Pain.

He was completely naked to you.

"You should probably stop," he mumbled, finally opening his eyes and sitting up a bit. "You're looking at me all weird." He reached for the bong, laying it aside once he grabbed it.

"Is that a bad thing?," you asked.

"No," he responded with a small shrug. "...just scares me is all."

You smirked. The only resemblance of a smile you'd been able to make in a long while. "And how do I, of all people, scare you, Eugene?"

You could see his jaw clench. Could see him debating with himself. Even relaxed from the weed, his eyes still darted around the room, and he was shaking his head the tiniest bit. Finally he looked back at you.

"Because -fucking somehow.. you see me-" a tear rolled down his face. "You actually see me. Not Flash... You see Eugene."

His mother's words rang through his ears like a cautionary tale. Real men don't cry. Don't be weak, like your father...

But he wanted to be. So badly he wanted, just for one moment, to be weak and to be able to fall into someone's arms and not act like he was always okay on his own. To not act like he didn't desperately yearn for someone's compassion. Someone's trust.

Flash was fun. Flash was the cool, funny side character in everyone's story. Flash was the picture perfect of everything he wanted to be.

"-And Eugene's a mess," he let out in a small, quiet sob, his expression not moving, though the tears streamed down his face. "I'm just high... that's why I'm saying all this crap. I'm just being dumb and high. Forget all this. I never said anything okay?"

You wouldn't see him break. Not some girl he just met...

Regardless of how he already felt about you.

He slowly looked back up at your face, fully expecting to see pity or disgust. Instead, your face remained neutral like his, and you were crying too.

"I don't think you're a mess Eugene." You sat up straighter, moved a little closer. "Just hurt."

He gave a bitter chuckle. "Isn't basically everybody?"

You shook your head slightly. "No...at least I don't think so. Everyone goes through something- and then there are those people that, in some sick way, want to be hurting.. but with people like us.." You found yourself grabbing his hand, not even thinking for what reason. You just did. "With us.. it's real. And not some temporary problem," you whispered. "It won't ever stop."

Eugene looked back at you again and it was over for him. He felt small. He felt naked. He felt fucking pure.

And then it happened.

You went in for a hug and he went in for a kiss.

But he made it first... and you didn't push him away.

Feeling his lips on yours.. wasn't bad. It surprised you at first, but ultimately it was pleasant.

He sighed against your lips and you could taste the smoke in between the two of you. You hadn't had much experience with guys before. Practically nonexistent if you were being honest, but that didn't matter. Eugene pressed his kiss firmer on yours, and you began to reciprocate his movements.

He held the side of your head lightly as he pulled away, his face growing further apart from yours the slightest bit. He rubbed his nose against yours. You both closing your eyes.

"Stay here with me," he pleaded softly, his breathing slightly erratic. "I-i won't try anything, I swear. I just..." He sniffed and used his shoulder to wipe away at some of the tears on his cheek. "You really see me. A-and I see you, y'know? And we're just-"

You nodded, taking your hand to run through his hair. "Okay," you whispered. "I'll stay."

A small smile started to break through his tears. "Thank you," he mumbled against your cheek before planting a soft kiss onto it.

Your mind was blank. You couldn't think of more than one thing at a time. But you knew one thing; you wanted to be there. That much you were sure of. You still weren't happy. You weren't safe. Just content with this idea of change.

For once, you weren't overly sure of what you were doing. It wasn't routine.

For once, you felt like something was different.

----------Back on the other side of town-----------

You weren't home.

Peter had finished his patrol, swung to your apartment, and you were nowhere to be found.

"No. N-no please don't do this," he pleaded to himself. "Be in the bathroom. Please just be somewhere. Come on, get in here."

He'd already looked through every window available and he could only hope you were in some inside room. Your bed was completely untouched.

"I should've reached out to you. Fuck! I should've done something. Just please be alive..."

He waited anxiously to see if you'd show, even sending a drone to Cecilia's address to see if you were there in the meantime. "I-I'm so sorry I- just please! Be at a friend's house! Something!"

He didn't even realize how much he was shaking. How much your life was in his hands. If you were dead, he'd never forgive himself.

"She's not at the Gulliver residence, Peter. Are there any other places you'd like for me to check?," E.D.I.T.H asked.

"She's somewhere!," he yelled out. "It's one in the morning on a school night. Find her! Please...."

He looked back toward the window. After while he didn't even know how much time had passed. He was just staring. Waiting for you to walk through that door. And when you never came he could only hope that you'd be at school.

"I'll help you," he whimpered. "Just..please. Please just stay alive long enough for me to try."

---------------------------------------

Lmao don't worry y/n won't end up with Flash and this certainly won't end up being a love triangle

Taglist - @eridanuswave, @imahardcase, @jules-and-gemss, @yetchann, @captainamericasdaughter, @starlight-starks, @everydaymj, @rubberducky-jrr, @chiaramrvl, @dreamofaprilsblog, @hello--zuko-here, @spidey-mads, @cuddlefishpeter

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Part 4

Sunday was a day off, but Erik was wired to get up early and jog around the HBCU campus in his sleeveless white tee and Omega sweats on his way to the campus gym. He ain't say shit to his passed out roommate like he typically would about what he'd done.

"You know....," she paused eyes zoned into his. He ain't know what the fuck she was talking about and stared right the fuck back thinking she better mind her business if she meant who was he fuckin.. "Erik," she laughed, "Stop playing.. you know what I'm talking about..."

"Sup Pete," he called to a nigga from his physics class.

"Hey..," Pete grunted tryna squat a barbell and Erik had to pause and watch. He hadn't seen him there before and judging by his build, he was brand new to weights. The more they talked, Erik started to coach him, recommending a starting weight and talking him through reps. He learned that Pete had been turned down by some girl and was tryna make gains, convinced no girl wanted a boney nigga. Erik couldn't dispute that he got way more bitches with a six pack than without.

Instead of disputing, Erik passed down an old routine he'd started when he himself was a beginner watching Pete type it into a note on his phone before starting his own workout. Even more than performing on the yard, he liked working out. The gym was his second home. If being a chemical engineer didn't work out, he'd be a personal trainer.

The issue was when he left the gym, thoughts and issues returned. He still felt a little thrown. He'd stroked a bitch yesterday and left her very visibly confused and disoriented which, honestly... wasn't the big deal. That was a typical Saturday for him. But it wasn't just any girl, it was a delta soror. Engine RED. She seemed upset...

He seemed to be misjudging her a lot and he hoped it ain't fuck with their ability to coexist. He ain't need the drama of her badmouthing him to other women. She knew a lot of fine ones, she had influence.

"I shoulda just rabbit-fucked her," he grumbled on his walk back. "Shoulda broke her shit up and let that be it."

At least she couldn't say he had a little dick or a weak stroke, she just.. wasn't feeling it.

"Hey, boo!"

Erik turned to see a chocolate doll jogging his way. Her first response was to reach up to hug him around his neck, grinning up at him like she'd won a free cruise.

"Luna.." He wrapped his hands around her waist.

"Why you ain't call me? I missed you," she pouted. "Where you been?"

"Around.. Been caught up with studying and practices, you know how shit go."

"Oh. Yeah..," she fake smiled as he stared. "...That's okay. Hey, you wanna tell me something?"

"Tell you what," he asked suddenly defensive.

"I promise you I dont.."

"ERIK," she squealed. "Boy stop I'm serious!"

"Look I gotta go. I'll catch you later."

She was still smiling for no reason when he walked away, it was weird. He wanted no parts and that was what he told his boy Geo when he saw him at the caf. Geo laughed, finding it hilarious.

"Yo chill," Erik muttered drinking his coke. He put his arm out for his boy to stop but Geo was on a roll talking shit about Luna. They had a class together so he knew all about her.

"That's what happens when you fuck them weird girls! Harry Potter ass bitch. Lord of the Rings ass bitch. They get attached and think you their weird lil friend," he whispered, twiddling his fingers before sputtering, making Erik roll his eyes to keep his composure.

"Aye! We like Harry Potter round here," Erik retorted. It was funny but he ain't wanna laugh though Geo already knew he was dying inside.

"Next thing you know..," Geo swallowed tryna collect himself from tearing up. "She whispering shit in latin.. and doing weird shit with her hands," he coughed imitating a girl they'd seen the other day, playing with her own fingers in her own world. Erik spit his drink tryna keep a straight face but failed as he pointed at Geo who was in tears.

"Fuck you, she nice," Erik laughed wiping his mouth on the back of his arm.

In organic chem, Erik's hand moved fast across his paper. He was scheduled to tutor a guy directly after class on what they'd learned all the way up to chemical reactions and then he had to do his often work. It was only after all of that that he had time to think about his current relationship with Brit. Were they friends now? Regular fuckbuddies?

"Oooh, fuck yew, she nice," Geo mocked in a small wimpy voice. "I like Harry Pott-" he couldn't even finish without laughing with his head down and Erik squeezed his shoulder trying not to fall from laughing with him. He was wrong for that. He ain't even like Luna he was just fuckin on her for something to do. Ain't nobody he knew really fuck with Luna like that. She was weird as hell!

"You evil," Erik teased putting it all on Geo as he walked away with tears in his own eyes.

"Stop fuckin Color Purple ass bitches, Erik," Geo yelled still laughing. "You and me must neva paht," he sang doing the hand thing. Erik was done.

It was Monday when he saw Luna again in passing and she looked highly upset, looking away where she'd usually go overboard to make eye contact. When he asked her what was the problem it turned out yesterday had been her birthday which was why she was being so weird. She'd told him multiple times over the past week but he'd been so caught up with Greek shit and the fact that.. he didn't really care.. that he'd forgot. It explained her mood though. "Oh damn my bad shorty.. Happy Birthday," he granted before moving on. He didn't even know how old she was.

Wednesday was when he saw Brit again. He was hanging with his nigga Josh who'd pledged kappa and a few folks from Josh's criminal justice class at the picnic tables. They were cool. That was when the pretty brown skin girl he'd been making eyes at at the table looked off and Erik followed her gaze.

"BRITT-ANYYYY, GIIIRLL," she cheered, dancing in her seat and Erik's eyes widened seeing Brit approach, giggling in cahoots with the girl as she danced up to the table. This was a little awkward. Erik hesitated, thinking of making an excuse to walk away. He could be literally anywhere else so it was no big deal to just leave. Making eye contact, she nodded at him as if there was no bitterness or bad feeling.

"Sup Erik," she smiled and there was no change from how she'd been acting from jump. Had he gotten her wrong again?

"Sup RED," he grinned looking her red delicious ass up and down as she stood with her hand on her hip in a red cut out blouse with white pants. She wore that same signature red lipstick and then he noticed... her hair was in a ponytail today.

"Oh did I mess your hair up," he blurted watching the  flash in her eyes as well as the neck whip of Josh who looked very interested. "I know when I'm practicing, I play too much," Erik added making the sexual wording seem like an accident...

"Oh for a minute..," Josh scoffed, smirking as he looked between the two. "Hm.. nevermind."

"Yeah, keep your mind out the gutter," Brit scolded. Erik was thoroughly entertained. He remained on good behavior for the next 20 minutes and then it was time to head to class.

"Hey Erik," Brit called to his back as he was already 8 feet away. He turned back. "We should hang more often."

The meaning wasn't lost on him though no one else thought anything of it. Looked like he hadn't fucked it up afterall.

"Good fuckin wit you," he smirked causing her to smile at their shared secret.

"You two need to use better word choices," one of the guys smirked. That was Erik's cue to go to class before he said some more shit.

Most importantly, he thought he'd fucked things up with her but no. She was cool.. legitimately cool. In fact, he could see them kickin it just because they genuinely got along. It only took 20 minutes of going back and forth at the picnic table to realize they had a similar sense of humor. That was something they shared.. other than having lips of fire.

Speaking of, he wanted those again. When he reached his dorm room. He decided to kick his roommate out and he called Brit.

"Hey. Come to my room, you know where it is?"

"No and I'm not going over there. You can come here, you know where I am," she said hanging up. He stared at the phone like it was possessed. The girl had lost her mind talking like he didn't just make her toes curl last week. She'd been touched by an angel.

He could see he'd have to do some reminding.

"Tuh. No we won't." He had his bag of tricks and none of them were for kids. "You want me to fuck you, fuck you then nah it's finna sound like National Geographic on here."

"Matterfact," he muttered, hastily going through his belongings. He assembled a kit. A 'don't you ever on your life' kit consisting of items specifically chosen to carry out his plan, shoved down in a drawstring bag. He showered briefly before throwing on new briefs with the same outfit and he was out the door headed to her building. He texted when he arrived for her to escort him up.

"Sup," he nodded to her roommate whose name he'd already forgotten. There was another girl in there as well and he wondered why there were so many people.

"You don't mind them hearing you," he asked looking out the bedroom before Brit came and shut the door.

"Nah, they cool. Besides, we'll keep it down," she eyed sternly.

"I want it like last time actually, that shit was good," she smiles.

"What?"

"Like last time... do it like that."

He was twice as confused. Her entire speech last time was about why he shouldn't fuck like that and suddenly she was telling him he should.

"Am I having a stroke...?" She was playing too many games.

"No, but I'm ready for you to stroke me, nice and slow. Do it like last week.."

"But you said-"

"Forget what I said last week, I changed my mind. I'm a woman, it's what we do," she said heading to her bed to take off her clothes. This time he watched as she pulled her blouse over her head. He still helped with the hooks of her bra.

"Did you know you was gone get dick today," he questioned.

"Pfft.. No. Why?"

Her panties matched her bra. That was rare in the women he fucked. He just shook his head. "Nothing.. lay down."

Laying her back with his hand, he had a full view of her like before. He opened his bag up and her eyes started to question immediately.

"What's that," she asked quickly.

"A bag."

"But what's IN it?"

"Your orgasm. Want it?"

"Not like that," she frowned. "Uh uh. I don't know what you reaching for but we got everything we need between us. Just do what you did last time."

Damn, he couldn't experiment?

Thinking about it, he figured it would make sense.. her wanting to experience sex the way she had her first time. Maybe she needed to know if her cumming like that was a fluke. Yeah. It made more and more sense the more he thought of it. He'd humor her... it was only her second time afterall.

"Aight, it's a rematch then," he nodded approaching the bed.  He opened the bag again, but this time she didn't comment and he pulled out his condom, setting the bag on her nightstand.

[b1acksw4n]

Who Do You Love? Part 3

Genre: Hybrid!AU, highschool AU, some fluff, LOTS of angst, maybe some smut in future chapters

Pairings: Hybrid!Taehyung x Reader Jungkook x Reader

Summary: Hybrids were owned by humans and were viewed as pets. But what happens when hybrids are given a chance to be our equals. When Kim Taehyung a tiger hybrid transfers to your school, your whole world is flipped upside down. He’s mysterious, which draws you in. Jungkook doesn’t like the sudden interest you take in this hybrid...

Words: 1.9k

Sitting alone in your room you scrolled through

Instagram. Finding a picture of your ex Seokjin with his arm wrapped around a girl's waist, smiling brightly. You couldn't stop thinking about him. It hurt so fucking bad. God did it hurt. He was perfect. Too perfect. You really don't know when things began to fall apart. You two became quite distant, movie nights and once comforting and romantic cuddling sessions became a bit awkward and that's when you knew something was definitely wrong. You found out Jin cheated on you and was going behind your back with some upperclassman. You were completely heart broken.

  

~(Flashback)~

     The day of the break up, you were all dolled up, ready to go on a date with Jin, and when he showed up at your door, your heart fluttered. But that giddiness soon turned to nervousness as Seokjin avoided your gaze then confessed everything to you. He called the date off and left you crying on your doorstep, makeup that you spent hours on prior to look nice for him was now running down your face. When you walked back inside, your phone started to ring, although you could barely hear it from how loud and pitiful your crying was. Jungkook, your best friend, was indeed calling you. You instantly hit 'Decline' not wanting him to see you like this.

    He called again and again. You knew he wouldn't stop until you answered so you sighed through your tears and hit accept with a shaky hand. "Aish YN! It took you four missed calls to answer your best friend?! I'm not that annoying am I?" He said teasingly, not prepared nor aware of what was about to occur. You stifled a sob, curling up in a tight ball. The phone laying right next to you on the floor, Jungkook on speaker. "O-Oh my god what's wrong?! What happened?! Tell me." He went from concerned to angry and upset in a matter of seconds. "J-Jin." You cried harder, hugging yourself tighter. "What the fuck did that asshole do?" Jungkook grunted, hearing shuffling coming from the phone you could tell he was getting up and getting ready to go to your house. "Kookie.. I-I'll be fine d-don't do anything.."

     "Too late. I'm already here." He had a key to your house since you guys were close and he let himself in. He ended the call, his gaze immediately landing on your shaking figure. He could see you were still dressed up like you were supposed to go out and his dark thick brows furrowed as he gently pulled you into his strong firm hold. His muscular arms holding you securely as you cried into his chest. "You deserve better than this you know.." He gently rubbed your lower back in a relaxing circular motion, kissing your temple.

    Crying softly, you clung to his strong figure. "He's a dick. I'm seriously going to beat his ass YN. I don't care if he's older than me. He fucking hurt you." His voice didn't sound as playful and teasing as it usually did. He sounded livid. "Kookie.... d-don't.." You looked up at him with pleading eyes, your hair a mess and tears streaming down your cheeks.

     He lightly brushed your tears away with the pad of his thumb. He stared at your features for a moment with sparkling eyes before carefully standing up and carrying you to your bedroom.  He was so strong that it was practically nothing for him to do. "You need to rest, love.." Grabbing one of his t shirts you had at your house, he handed it to you and a pair of pajama shorts. "Change into this and get some rest.. please.." He looked down at you, and a few minutes later you came back out with it on. Crawling into bed, you sniffled, getting under the covers. Jungkook got in after you, pulling you close to him, his muscular chest pressed against your back.

      "Don't worry.. you're safe with Kookie.." The brunette said tiredly, his grip unintentionally getting tighter. His scent was all you could smell and it lulled you to sleep and you were so thankful to have a best friend like Jungkook.

~(Flashback End)~

  

   You stared at your phone screen feeling numb. It had been 2 months and you still weren't doing that great. Jungkook was such a great guy and here you were still hung up over Seokjin. Jin already had someone new and he looked so happy without you. You almost felt guilty. Were you leading Jungkook on? You never meant to, you'd never in your life want to hurt Jungkook. You still couldn't believe till he had feelings for you.. He meant the whole world to you.

    It was a Thursday afternoon and you were watching some random boring game show on TV, eating some buttered popcorn. Tomorrow, Taehyung  and you would be studying together at your house. Monday's, Wednesday's and Friday's you and Taehyung were supposed to study together. Tomorrow would be the very first day and you were kind of nervous to be honest. You hoped it wouldn't be too awkward. Since he's coming over after school you decided to clean your room up a bit.

    Pushing yourself up and off the couch, lazily reaching for the remote, you turned off the TV. Throwing away the empty buttery popcorn bag, you went upstairs to your room. Your stairs felt endless at the moment from the excessive laziness you've been feeling lately.  Your lower calves were already slightly burning from it. Putting on some music, you started cleaning your somewhat messy room. You organized your clothes, neatly putting them in each designated drawer.

    You vacuumed your fluffy white carpet from the thick black fur your cat always seemed to leave behind as evidence she lounged around all day. Put all the empty water bottles and dishes away. Took your trash out and overall did a pretty deep and thorough clean. You didn't want Taehyung thinking you were some unorganized slob.. even though you weren't sure why you seemed to care so much. Well.. first impressions are pretty important right?

      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

   You quickly got dressed, getting ready to go to school. You grabbed your bag, walking to school. Jungkook waved to you and you approached him, entering the large school building. "Hey.. are you alright YN? You seem pretty quiet.." Jungkook thoughtfully looked down at you. You nodded slightly, staring at the ground as you walked. You already worried Jungkook enough.. Maybe he'd drop it if you just kept avoiding the question. "You can tell me.." Jungkook took your hand and gently held it in his much larger one. He was so caring to you. Although with other people he seemed rude and a bit off putting.

    "It's just Jin..  I'll be fine Kookie.. don't worry too much about it." You looked back at him as you walked ahead of him a few feet. You weren't paying attention and once again your face hit a familiar hardness. Taehyung's chest. You bumped into him again. "Well this wouldn't be the first time this happened." Taehyung chuckled a bit, looking down at you, one of his soft fluffy ears drooped. You smiled up at him, ruffling his messy soft locks. Since when was Taehyung this outgoing? This is the longest sentence he's ever said to you!

     "Are you ready for our study session after school today?" You took a step back so you could see him clearly since you two were so close, almost forgetting about Jungkook. Jungkook had an agitated expression on his.. well perfectly structured face. His dark brown brows furrowed as his once soft eyes were now narrowed in a displeasing manner. "Yep! Can't wait." Taehyung exclaimed with a cute toothy grin on his face, his sharp canines now visible. "Me too." You smiled, gave him a small shy wave and walked away with Jungkook to class. "You're so rude Jungkookieee.." You pouted a bit, looking up at him. He only grunted, feeling his chest tighten in possessiveness as he wrapped his arm around you.

   Jin walked past and you stiffened in Jungkook's hold. Jin glanced at you, and Jungkook glared at him. Your heart was racing and you avoided eye contact was Jin. Truth was, Taehyung had found out about what Jin had done to you. He had already took a disliking to him. Taehyung was very fond of you. You just seemed very gentle and caring to him, and it made him feel safe. As a hybrid, he was constantly being degraded and beaten. He had a scar that went right over his left eye and over his cheek, although you never asked him about you, you sure had an idea.

   Sitting down at your desk in math class, Jungkook sat right behind you, occasionally whispering things in your ear, every time the teacher turned his back. Jungkook's soft hushed whispers sent shivers down your spine. "We have another new student. Her name is Jennie. Make her feel welcome everyone." The teacher announced, snapping you back into reality. Another new student? Jennie waved and took her seat. Right next to Jungkook. She kept looking at you two, with a rather questionable look on her face. She looked so familiar but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. 'Have I seen her before?' You thought staring at her a second too long. Jennie looked up and met your gaze, smiling. You The teacher was talking but in the midst of his lecture the bell rang. He dismissed everyone even though people were already scrambling to get their books and left the classroom. It was lunch, that's why everyone was in such a hurry.

  You went to your locker to put your things away and Jungkook did the same. You both met up at his locker and you felt a delicate hand tap you on your shoulder. "This is so embarrassing.. but I need help opening my locker.. I'm not used to the combination." It was Jennie. "Of course! I'm YN by the way I'm sorry I never really introduced myself." You smiled, following her as she led you to the location of her locker. Jungkook was close behind, considering he seemed to think he was your personal bodyguard or something like that.

    "The combination is 45 - 16 - 0." Jennie explained. You put it in and on your first try you opened it with ease. "Thank you so much." She chirped. "No problem. Do you want to sit with my friends and I at lunch?" You asked thoughtfully. You knew how it felt to be new and not know anyone so you wanted to make her feel less awkward and alone. She nodded and followed you and Jungkook to the cafeteria. You went through the agonizing process of waiting in the extremely long line of hungry hormonal teenagers. Finally, the three of you got your food, and walked back to your table. Where Hoseok had been waiting for you with a lunch he brought from home.

   Soon all four of you were hitting it off. Jennie was really funny and pretty outgoing once you guys got her out of her shell. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having another girl around to talk to. You were kind of nervous but apprehensive about the study session with Taehyung. Especially with Jungkook probably attempting to interfere with that ridiculous hatred of his, he had for the hybrid.

[bismillahnah-blog]

In Only Seven Days

Summary: In only seven days, you become the most beautiful person for Roger Taylor. In only seven days, you are the person who Roger Taylor loved the most. In only one day, you are the person who hurted him the most.

Warnings: Pure angst with some fluff moments Mention of death (but it's nothing that will change the fanfic), mentions of cheating

Author's Note: A little break from Crystal Kiss. This was asked by @dragon-out-of-water

Monday the start of my holiday

Freedom for just one week

Feels good to get away ooh

After a long time, Roger finally got to have a little day off, since the boys were working all day and all night, with some of them coming home very late to their families. Roger was no exception, since he had Dominique who was always waiting for him in their house. But it wasn't the same anymore. He knows if he stayed with Dominique in those seven days, he would probably go crazy. Roger had only seven days to try to relax before going back to his work again.

Tuesday I saw her down on the beach

I stood and watched a while

And she looked and smiled at me.

“Why don't we go to the beach, love?” Dominique entered the kitchen, talking loudly with a big smile in her face. Coming closer to her husband, she hugged him from behind, his body tensed, and she pretend to not notice — after all, this was happening every time she touched him -. “It would be nice, a day for only the two of us, no kids, no worries, no rock n' roll world. Don't you think?” No, Roger wanted to scream. The only thing he asked was for seven days of peace, seven days only for him. He didn't want to go for a party or anything like that. He knew he needed those seven days, but he wasn't very sure now. Yet, he turned around and give his wife a smile. “Of course.” His lack of emotions on his voice didn't go unnoticed by his wife, but she pretend that this didn't bother her, and instead, run for the second floor, ready to put some beach clothes, finally having time for themselves at the beach.

Moments later, arriving the beach, they noticed it didn't have a lot of people, but what they expected when it was tuesday? People had jobs that didn't give them this opportunity of a whole week off. There was only three or four kids running around, some group of teenagers talking. And you.

God, now everything Roger wanted to do was thanks his wife for taking him off that house and bringing him to the beach. You were under the light of the sun. Roger could swear he was seeing an angel: your skin, your hair, your expressions, your body. Everything was just perfect for him “Rog, love, I'm going to get us some drinks, and then we can go sit anywhere you choose, okay?” Dominique asked, and Roger answered a mumbled okay, still looking at you, trying to memorize every piece of your image in his head. You turned and saw this blonde man, who seemed to have collected the ocean in his eyes, staring at you. You could swear you have seen his face somewhere, but couldn't remember. The only thing you did was smile to him. He smiled back, totally amused by how your cheeks were suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose. He was fighting back the smile that was trying to creep out, but he only failed. He could see you giggling, a giggle he could feel in his heart. How much he wanted to come closer to you. You, you, you, this beautiful angel, only you.

Wednesday I didn't see her

I hoped that she'd be back tomorrow

“I know what we will do with this 'little vacation'.” Roger said at his wife. They were in bed, recovering after a wild make out session, but it wasn't Dominique face who was there. No, he tried to put every detail of your face in Dominique, pretending that it was you who soft lips were being pressed against his own. He even went as far as saying “my beautiful angel” a few times. This only make Roger's wife become red, but he didn't feel the same butterflies as when he saw you with the pink tone in your cheeks. “What?” Dominique asked, curiosity in her eyes. “We will go every day to the beach!”

He expected you to be there. He knew it was impossible, but he wanted to risk it. His hope was the only star in this dark universe, but he wanted this star to keep shining. The birds singing seemed to follow him at his little walk to the beach. Roger could only think this was a good sign of his friend Destiny, who could finally give him some joy in his life. He was even whistling to the song the birds created, only for him. But it soon turned into a brokenhearted song when he looked, and looked, and looked for you in that beach, only to find kids, teenagers and adults humming to their own birdsong, too absorbed to even notice that his blue eyes weren't sparkling anymore.

And then on Thursday

My luck had changed

She stood there all alone

I went and asked her name

I never thought that this could happen to me In only seven days

It would take a hundred or more

For memories to fade

Roger didn't give up. He knew that nothing happened in a rush. That's why when he found you again, he didn't wanted to waste time, it could be his last chance. You were alone, he was alone too. This must be a sign of destiny.

“Hello” Roger approached you. As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to put them back; only a hello? Weren't you the one who could get any woman kissing your feet? He cursed himself.

“Hello, stranger” You replied with a smile. There it was. Call it love at first sight, call it Roger an old-fashioned lover boy. He didn't care. There it was this beautiful smile. You weren't even aware of the effect you had in him only smiling, he could swear he saw his little star of hope shining brighter than ever, he could even swear his dark universe lighten up a little.

“Can I sit here with you?”

“Sure.” He didn't come that far only to his conversation to end in this. He had to get more. “What's your name?”

“(Y/N), and yours is?”

“Roger. Roger Taylor.” Now you know where you recognized his face. Roger Taylor, The Roger Taylor, the drummer of Queen. But wasn't him supposed to be working?

“What bring such a beautiful girl like you to the beach? Relaxing?” Now Roger was recognizing himself: being relaxed around girls, not even a trait of nervousism in his face — even if he feels like burning inside -.

“I don't think a pretty boy like you would be interested” God, did he got too far? Should he be worried about- “But let's give it a try. I have a few days off. One of the bosses of the company died, and they decided to give it this week for everyone to keep their mind out of work and problems. I guess it's work” Now he knew that you weren't actually being rude. You were just teasing him. Roger let go a breath he himself didn't know he was holding.

“I'm sorry to hear that. But hey, at least I got to meet you”

“That's such a horrible thought” You punched him slightly, throwing your head back while a laugh mixed with the sounds of sea. It was now or never.

“Can I say something totally crazy?” Roger finally gathered the courage to look at your eyes. Those eyes filled with emotion. “I think I'm in love with you.”

Now you knew why they were filled with emotion, they were filled with love. And so where yours. Both worlds stopped for a moment, only to reconnect you and Roger in a unique world; one world where only the two existed. The sound of sea was the only thing allowed to see this world, just like the hot touch of the sun, like fingers stretching across their skin.

“This is crazy” Roger expected a slap, a scream. “But I love craziness” He didn't expect that.

I wish Friday would last for ever

I held her close to me

I couldn't bear to leave her there

You were in Roger's arms, feeling the warm of his skin against your own. His fingers were placed in your waist. Your eyes were candles in that night, Roger didn't even care if he was late to come home, he wanted nothing but feel you a little more. Goosebumps lined your skin, not the kind than one gets in the cold, but the kind one gets when nothing else matters except right here, right now. “A beautiful angel" Roger whispered in your hair, making you smile.

“Your beautiful angel”

He got up, putting only his pants before searching for something at his bag. He never left house without it, where it was now? Finally, he found. His Polaroid camera was right there, in his hands, ready to transform a memory into a photo

“My beautiful angel” He repeated, sitting in the bed moments before you both were embracing into each other's body, trying to turn into only one, wanting nothing more than being complete. He clicked. Waiting a moment, it finally comes out, the photo that, in the future, could make him feel joy and sadness at the same time. Your hair was a mess, your body was full of his marks, but yet, you were beautiful. His beautiful angel.

Saturday just twenty-four hours

Oh no I'm going back home on Sunday

Roger waked up to an empty bed. He would probably think that every memory of your body, of the patterns he drew on your skin, the kiss you shared, was only his mind playing tricks. But then he saw it.

The photo.

You continued full of his marks, full of the traits of the love he'd given you. Full of beauty. But where were you? He started calling your name, not even caring if he was just in his pants, or if the other people of the hotel could hear him. Where were you? He walked to the little living room — after all, he supposed you would still be here, then you both would enjoy a nice TV show, and share breakfast, and love each other —, but there's no sign you were there. Not even clothes. Did he say something wrong sleeping? Did he say something wrong at all? Looking at the table, he could feel his whole body becoming red of anger.

“News of Today: rock star Roger Taylor has a day off with his wife, Dominique Beyrand. Such a lovely couple”

You probably tought you were only his little affair. This wasn't fair at all. He finally feel complete when he was with you, and the a stupid magazine comes and ruin it all. He found love so easily. Easy come, easy go.

After so much crying, after so much screams, after a broken heart, he finally gathered the courage to come back home, only to find the woman who he had promised be the only one in his life sleeping in the couch, probably worried and waiting for him to come back home. He couldn't feel worse. But the Polaroid was still in his hands. “My beautiful angel now is gone” He whispered to himself.

Ooh so sad alone

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