#all of her colleagues are just as messy as she is so that dynamic is a trainwreck

[angstigone]

WARNINGS: nsfw (18+ pls minors/ageless blogs don't interact), threesome (ffm), oral sex (female receiving), mention of p in v and face-sitting, enemies-to-lovers, makima is a warning in itself, she/her - afab character.

you and hayakawa were the best in your field.

and yet, you didn't seem to get along.

there was a sharp edge of competition whenever it came to the two of you, whether it was a simple task such as a few bureacratic matters or hunting devils as always. sharp words and haughty gazes flew and inevitably you got each other in trouble. and in makima's office.

«his squad wasn't supposed to be there» you screeched, arms crossed over your chest and your back to the man who came forward albeit he had pretended to be immovable when you had moved inside of the office.

«if my squad hadn't been there, your own would be gone by now» he retorted, a sharp smile was the sole thing left of the charming man aki hayakawa tended to be when he wasn't faced with the bane of his existance, you.

«oh that I highly doubt it!».

«well, next time I'll definitely leave you to handle fucking death itself all al...».

«enough».

makima's voice didn't raise of a single octave and yet, that was what made it further terrifying, as both yoiu and aki were quick to turn your head low in similar contrite looks.

«I did receive the reports on the mission and I have already been informed about the situation».

it felt always like an axe was above your head, when makima was dealing your own future.

«the mission had been assigned to your colleague's squad, hayakawa» you internally goaded at the unspoken siding of the woman on your side, albeit you were promptly shot down as well «... the fact that they weren't ready... well, that's a problem I'll take up personally, although there's a bigger one I'd like to discuss with the two of you».

both you and aki gawked at the comment, as you moved closer without realizing while makima adjusted herself in her chair, albeit she wasn't the one underneath the spotlight fo discomfort and judgement.

«you just can't seem to get along».

in any other line of work, such a behavior would be promptly ignored; as much as you and aki clashed, it didn't impact your workplace aside a tense situation between the two of you.

it certainly distracted and caused ruckus during missions but as long as you were kept apart - like troublesome dogs - you'd do just fine.

and yet, it wasn't enough for miss makima.

«they are intolerable and fucking reckless» aki spat out as if makima had asked him for a justification of his hatred towards you while you widened your eyes, in offense.

«and he has a stuck shoved right up his ...».

«children» makima mocked, barely raising her tone of an octave but it was enough to have both you and aki lower your head in obvious shame and contritement «... it's a pity. truly, as you are both two wonderful devil hunters».

praise had you both perk up, almost waggling your metaphorical tail.

«... and a good thing that I have a solution for this».

and that's how you ended up beneath miss makima's desk, her pants lowered on the ground and her panties pushed to the side, while you fought over who got to lick her warm core, bumping noses and inevitably lips that bumped into a messy wet kiss, till makima's own finger - anchored in your hair - pulled you apart with a sickening smile of form.

«you can get along, can't you» she cooed like one would with a wounded dog as you both looked up; unlike her, you were both naked adding to the dynamic in place and sharing a good chunk of humiliation although it hadn't gone unnoticed to makima how you looked up at each other's body.

she was glad she hadn't been wrong: you were both frustrated and the thought of taking your frustration out onto each other felt as relieving as the act of worshipping a common idol.

maybe, if you both behaved, she'd have had hayakawa fuck you from behind as you so subtly hinted, grinding against the toes of her shoe. or she'd have had you sit on hayakawa's face, as you stole look at the way he dug his tongue in makima's own slit each time it'd be his turn.

the important thing was that you behaved.

but she had a long line of expertise and a lot of time to train dogs on her side.

«remember, little ones: sharing is caring».

[romchat]

Cinematography of Falling in Love: Fake It Till You Make It (Ep. 6)

How do you film the complicated process of two characters falling in love?

When we talk about our favorite romantic scenes, we often point to the role of great acting or writing in creating that magical feeling all romance fans crave. But cinematography, the art of visually capturing stories through a camera, can also be a powerful tool in conveying that heady but scary feeling of falling in love.

I think a great example of this is the Chinese drama Fake It Till You Make It (FITYMI).

Set against the cutthroat world of Beijing's Central Business District, FITYMI is a story about finding authenticity and connection in an otherwise pretentious world. The show follows two professionals, Tang Ying, an ambitious attorney, and Xu Ziquan, a successful investment banker, as they navigate the social challenges of their high-pressure jobs. Ying and Ziquan constantly pretend to be more sophisticated and carefree than they truly are, and the show uses their characters to offer incisive commentary about the ways modern life forces us to compromise our sense of self in order to "make it."

It's this context that makes FITYMI such a compelling romance: despite the masks Ying and Ziquan wear in their professional and personal lives, they ultimately learn to show their true selves to one another and fall in love. And it's through the show's subtle use of composition, shot size, and camera movement that we not only see but feel the tentativeness with which Ying and Ziquan cultivate this connection. It's a messy mix of one step forward and two steps back, and the show’s cinematography beautifully matches the characters’ gradual shift from a flirtatious and tender yet largely undefined relationship to one of committed love.

I don't think any episode demonstrates this dynamic more clearly than Episode 6.

Scene 1: "When I Felt Tempted By You"

Something that I appreciate about the show's cinematography is how it treats Beijing as a secondary character. Even when focusing on our two main characters, FITYMI often uses wide shots with deep depth of field, allowing us to clearly see the hustle and bustle of city life in the background. These shots help communicate the loneliness and societal pressure always present in our characters' fast-paced lives.

Because of this, let's pay attention to how this urban background appears or disappears when Ying and Ziquan are shown spending time together.

In this scene, we see Ziquan impulsively call Ying after a difficult day at work. He's leaning against the wall in exhausted defeat, the cityscape in the background dominating the other two-thirds of the frame. He's at a low point in his career and feels isolated by his industry colleagues.

Ying knows him well enough to recognize his mood so she offers to meet and commiserate.

We can see their closeness by the immediate cut to a close-up shot with both characters similarly aligned on the left side of the frame.

So when he rejects her offer, the camera quickly reframes and pans around Ying to the other side, signaling her shift in mood.

When Ziquan gently asks why she stopped talking, there's another cut to a medium shot of Ying against a busy street backdrop. They've stumbled upon a sore spot in their more-than-just-friends relationship.

In describing the dating landscape of FITYMI, Director Li Mo has noted that in this world there is:

"An unspoken self-preservation, the fear of being seen truly, the fear of kindness being mistaken for weakness, and sincerity being seen as foolish. Within these layers is the lonely soul of the city, bearing weariness and fatigue with nowhere to vent, craving sincere relationships yet unwilling to open up due to the fear of being hurt." (translation via /u/lollipopdeath)

Ying obviously wants to be an emotional support for Ziquan and yet she's wary about being seen as the weaker one who fell in love first. She begins to retreat as an act of self-preservation and the camera language loses the intimacy of those initial shots.

Ziquan hears the disappointment in her voice and steps into the center of the frame as if sensing this is a critical juncture in their relationship that he must be fully present for. Note how the blurriness of the cityscape background creates a lot of negative space around him. He no longer cares about the outside world; all that matters at this moment is Ying.

Slightly teary-eyed but unable to fully articulate his feelings, he reiterates that he just wants to hear her voice for a bit.

But tired of the games, Ying takes a deep breath and then drops a bomb:

"Forget about that. Let's talk about us. Do you want to know when I felt tempted by you?"

What I love about this moment is that it's a moment of extreme vulnerability but shot from a slightly low angle, giving Ying a sense of empowerment. Low-angle shots can alter the power dynamics within a scene because the upward perspective highlights the importance or magnitude of a character's actions. Asking this question is incredibly brave of her, confirmed by Ziquan's shocked and overwhelmed face.

But when Ziquan doesn't immediately follow her confession with one of his own, Ying once again retreats. Hurt, she claims she was just joking to entertain him and that they can continue being friends. The camera pans and her bitterly smiling face fills the frame as if to build herself up after that blow to her confidence and pride.

The scene eventually ends with a devastating wide shot, Ying but a small figure on an empty bridge. She is still a lonely soul of the city.

Despite the numerous tender and romantic moments they had shared in previous episodes, Ying and Ziquan have firmly placed their masks back on.

Scene 2: "You're Waiting For A Worthy Rival"

Later that episode, Ziquan asks Ying out for dinner and she reluctantly agrees.

As usual, they effortlessly banter about life and love, the scene cutting back and forth between the two as they trade verbal volleys over the hotpot. Their chemistry is undeniable and you can see both reveling in the fact that they've found their intellectual match.

At one point, Ziquan begins talking about the importance of rationality in love, and Ying fires back:

"No matter how time changes, there's one thing that makes women really thrilled. If there's a man who loves her with full passion until he loses himself, until he'd die for her, until he becomes a fool, then that woman would be thrilled, you know?"

Eventually, they settle on the topic of Ying's failed first love.

Like in the previous scene, the show uses increasingly intimate close-up shots to convey the quiet vulnerability of the moment. But this time, there's a dream-like quality to the conversation: the background actors suddenly disappear and the shallow depth of field and spotlight lighting remove any remaining worldly distractions.

Unlike their previous dates that happened against the backdrop of Beijing's busy nightlife, here it's like they're in a world of their own.

As if thinking of Ziquan's earlier rejection, Ying ruefully describes how her first love taught her an important lesson:

"I swore to myself that I'd never enter an uncontrollable relationship nor become the fool who overestimated her charm in love....I should find a rich and cool old man so I won't really be in love. I'll get by with him. When he passes away, I'll inherit all his fortune and enjoy my life in his villa."

Placed in the center of the frame, she speaks directly into the camera and we see a series of emotions play across her face. It's the most revealing she's been about herself with Ziquan.

When he pushes back on the idea of her marrying without love, Ying jokingly asks "Are you jealous?"

Ziquan reluctantly shakes his head but admits:

I've never been so deeply loved by a girl. I'm not jealous--I'm super jealous. Tang Ying, you're not looking for someone out of your league. You're waiting for...a worthy rival."

His close-up matches hers in its composition.

This time, he also took off his mask.

BONUS: shout out to the funniest zoom-in of this entire show.

Seems like Ziquan is well on his way to acting like a fool in front of Ying.

[k-odyssey]

really, really enjoying destined with you and here's why:

it's funny. the leads have a love-hate relationship that i don't get tired of. mostly cuz shin yu can't help softening any biting remark with a demonstration of love. and hong jo, no matter what she says, likes having him around.

the plot is engaging. i like how the drama plays around with the idea of the love spell. is it real, is it made up? i would actually love it if the current explanations stayed: neural coupling and love born from mutual attraction, and time spent together. tho i have a feeling Destiny is gonna come in next episode. i don't even mind the love triangle so far! that flower-selling man tho. such a creep.

(but i won't pretend i get the appeal of whatever's going on with shin yu's mum and his friend... hong jo's colleagues aren't the best either, but i don't hate that they're a part of the plot.)

the fantasy helps balance out the power dynamics in the couple. he's definitely the rich and well-connected one. she's the poor orphan. but he's ill and she (allegedly) has magical powers. he needs her, while she doesn't need him at all. i like that being born in his family is a privilege and a curse.

also his family is kinda refreshing compared to others of similar social standing in dramas? his mum isn't exactly helpful but she means well and loves him. she doesn't do any harm. his dad is shitty, but not to the extent you often see. he's not evil, he's just selfish, and too concerned about continuing his bloodline.

re:cheating and shin yu's messy relationship. it's written in a way where i don't feel bad for his "fiance". he did break up with her, and she replied with a marriage proposal. sure, he should've declined. but she's manipulative, and doesn't actually love him. she only wants to marry him cuz of his social status. he says he's a mess and he's really one, but i still like him so. waiting for him to stand up to her and his family. also the audacity of his fiance...

[iiyanadesu]

Some opinions about 02TB's details now that I can rewatch it in its full glory. Under the cut we go. Rants and spoilers ahoy.

1. I still hate the OST setting used when the Digimons evolved. 2 Jogress Evolutions back-to-back and each evolution had to restart Beat Hit! from the beginning. Why not just continue the song anyway? Also the Jogress actions could use a bit more time before Imperialdramon changed into Fighter Mode (so I could enjoy Beat Hit! a little longer).

2. I saw how Ken's hair flutter in the wind and I squeal 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂 it looks messy he looks adorkable I love him

3. Still cannot move on from Miyako's blatant flirting towards Ken while Ken be like, "Uh, yeah... Wait, what?"

All while Ken being not ashamed to praise Daisuke or hold him up from doing potentially idiotic stuff again, pls marry Daisuke

4. Why does Miyako call Ken "Ichijouji-kun" as if he's a work colleague? They are friends for a long time now, go call him "Ken-kun" if you really like him you idiot. On the other hand, the way Ken calls her "Miyako-san" may or may not mean she's his girlfriend; some guys call their girlfriends like that as a sign of love and respect (e.g. DNAngel's Daisuke calling his girlfriend Riku "Riku-san").

The whole Kenyako dynamic is weird; Ken has an affectionate way to call Miyako but he's also kinda clueless with her advances lmao what are you two doing, hold hands already if you like each other you idiots. Or were you waiting for Daisuke?

5. Lui is a pretty ok person. Just socially awkward after his damaged childhood. It was funny to see the others berate him for not being grateful Ukkomon saved his life by possibly killing mom - that's fcked up guys where's your common sense?. Also, kid!Lui sounds like Madoka (Madoka Magica). Ukkomon is definitely the Kyuubey of Digimon, yeah.

Wait. Don't tell me Osamu's death was also done by Ukkomon because Ken wished for Osamu to disappear. Shit.

Now who is the "higher being" behind Ukkomon's creation? May be Oikawa, maybe not. But then again how was he able to recognize Ken being a DD in a glance? Sus af.

6. There have been miscommunications and misinformations throughout the movie, but we can still analyze those and determine whether they really are retcons yeah. Nah not gonna analyze shit; I can do overthinking but "analyzing"? Nope.

7. The dub is good. There are some 🤨 in how the dialogue was performed but overall it's ok. I just lol'd at Wormmon's old-man voice 😂🤣😂🤣 Yes I watch both JP and EN versions. The EN movie could do some revision though, like the opening text. That could be translated yeah? Or narrated, if they can't slap English text on it / replace that part with English text.

8. Oh yeah I did not see Meiko & Menoa anywhere. Oh yeah they're part of the Adventure guys, of course they won't be in this movie like almost all other Adventure kids except Taichi yeesh.

(What's with this dissonance between Adventure and 02 teams? They're all part of the entire Adventure Universe, duh. They could do inter-teamwork in Kizuna but not in 02TB? What's with this writing?)

9. Best characters in this movie are Daisuke-Veemon team. They say some cool shit even Ken is impressed.

10. Miyako went, "What's with the flirting?" and Daisuke went blushing???? But. But Ken started it first!

And now some of my favourite blorbos Ken & Daisuke's shots in this movie. Yes I love Daiken so much. I like Kenyako too but I love my Daiken more

Take this line out of context and ask, "Do what?" 😏

Yeah and like I said. Ken's hair. *squeeeeeeeeeeee*

Ooooh. Look at the lighting. Romantic.

See what they did? Ken started it but Daisuke was the one blushing.

Ok that's all bye

[blis00ya]

pt2: consasha family

atla/tlok verse the very best thing that has ever happened to me second to aot bcs now i have characters for consasha's children.

this is part 2 of eruhan's grandchildren. also bcs i CAN'T STOP thinking about zoe and jinora's dynamics as grandparent-granddaughter.

a little background for connie: he is sasha's high school best friend and classmate along with jean, mikasa's brother. her elder brothers, eren and armin, have quickly noticed connie's secret crush towards their sister so eren jokingly told connie that he has no choice but to marry sasha bcs he's the only one who can put up with her attitude (that he and armin enabled).

mikasa, being someone who can't keep secrets from eren and armin, told the two that sasha's got a HUGE crush on connie but they have to keep it a secret. the two swore they will but they immediately told erwin, who told zoe, who got excited as he is nifa and moblit's son since they are her college friends then colleagues.

JINORA

the sweetest, gentlest, most polite, and lovable eldest daughter of the pair that even eren and armin couldn't believe that their sister is her mother. she's both a mommy and daddy's girl but an undeniably grandparent's girl, zoe dotes on her so much bcs they share the same love for books and reading even though she leans to history. she's very spiritual even without using any medium, just meditation.

her uncles eren and armin always fight over who should look after her when consasha goes on dates just bcs they adore her so much. she has intelligent conversations with her grandpa erwin, and is very considerate of others which they believe she got from connie's parents.

IKKI

3 years later, ikki was born, the complete opposite of her sister as she is talkative, energetic, and imaginative. not even her own parents can keep up with her but her grandparents from sasha can. it's a running joke in their family that jinora and ikki are two halves of zoe (but armin says she inherited sasha's yappering, moblit says it's from zoe). she memorizes easily and can maintain a conversation.

her aunt pieck favors her bcs she's very girly, her uncle porco tried talking to her fast in an attempt to tease her only to be surprised she responded accordingly. while eren and armin dread to be around her, her cousin nat is the only one she's afraid of.

MEELO

shortly after 2 years, sasha gave birth to the dubbed "connie's twin". his grandma nifa adores him bcs he's just like connie when he was his age, although a bit more talkative, the joking nature of his father wasn't gone. the root of sasha's stress since he's very messy but she would get mad if anyone pointed out his mess. he has an affinity for animals and artistry all which he got from his grandpa moblit.

his grandpa erwin would always put him atop the table when he was still a child just bcs he's such an entertainer. his hobby is to bother and annoy his cousin lilly and aunt zofia, but he likes going on spontaneous adventures with his father the most.

ROHAN

he was born 5 years later so that sasha and connie can concentrate fully on their first 3 children. sasha had a homebirth which enabled his siblings to see him firsthand with ikki introducing the family he's now part of, while jinora wanted to name him, sasha told her that they already had chosen a name for him. he's called a miracle bcs just like eren, rohan got his green eyes from his great-grandmothers.

[kindchenschema]

“tldr the entire show is a terrible snoozefest” LOL yuuuup. loved all of ur reply 2 that other anon iykyk ;) as someone who only got into the show 5 years ago and thinks s1-8 are the best, (haven’t even watched after steph left i just started again with s19) the new interns are cute but not exactly must see tv. greys used to be IT, in the drama, acting, and storyline department and now it’s like once in a while an episode will hit but it’s rare. and yeah I like the interns (simone is my fav because she’s messy but grounded like a mix of cristina and steph, who i LOVED) yasuda is second fave because she’s funny and confident and so relatable. jules is pretty but boring. even her being quirky feels boring. don’t and never will care about the xys/men. i feel like they’re choosing the most bland storylines and not tapping into the potential they could have bc it’s there. staring with making jules/yasuda a thing. helm is nice but underused and i want an intern couple with main characters. plus their chemistry is cute. speaking of mains, can’t believe how much nothing amelia’s done this season. i thought they’d explore her being alone and finding herself or smthn after kai (who was sexy but also really boring. idk i find the quiet reserved type so lackluster but the chemistry was amazing tho) but she’s done nada. plus beltran is hot and i love the actress in other roles but she’s boring af. ik they didn’t wanna make her perky/sweet because it would look like arizona 2.0 but the grumpy, cold thing doesn’t work for me. not getting enemies to lovers im getting she thinks amelia is dumb af and couldn’t care less about her lmao.

anon bestie!! ahshfjs thank you ;))

i completely agree that s1-8 are the best although s12 is in another category entirely for me because of the angsty mermelia deliciousness 🔥

anyway, trueee like no matter how much they try to revive the ~golden age vibes~ (which they so clearly desperately are) it's just not working, the spark is missing, it feels too lifeless, too scripted, etc. a very sad decline.

yess i love simone i don't get why people hate her 🙏 she has that chill grounded raised by grandparents swag that's very charming to me

i'm also completely with you on the most bland storyline thing 😭 there could have been an interesting conflict re bailey and the interns, like some of the interns siding with bailey, some being like actually i love my 80 hour work week #riptoyallbutimbuiltdifferent, someone (like lucas) taking advantage of bailey's good will, then we could have richard or even owen giving their hurr durr input... like it could have been a genuinely interesting multi ep arc/conversation but instead we got. whatever this is. fucking montage of simone and kwan cooking a stir fry together 💀

also like it's so funny how amelia said she got a cat and then they never... show... the cat... or mention it again... it could have starved to death by now and we wouldn't know... does amelia remember she has a cat? does she feed it? i hope so. poor kitty

all because LUCAS needs aaaall of our attention on his annoying ass 24/7 like ooooh are you having a little mantrum? are you the most tortured little man on planet earth? should we tell everyone should we call your auntie amelia? idiot

kai as a character was lacking a liiiittle i'll give you that anon, but holy shit i am fully convinced that caterina and ER had something homosexual going on outside the show because there is no way on earth that that chemistry was screen-based only. i don't even care if i sound like a gaylor. i am a fightsone truther💯

HAHAHA YES i don't see the enemies to lovers at all, the dynamic just reminds me of when my mom complains to me about her stupid ass colleagues 😭 amelia needs someone warm, someone that loves and cherishes her and isn't so hostile and like. snappy. aka addison 🥰 so true.

will report back to you after the series finale tomorrow dear anon 🙏‼️

[locria-writes]

hi, welcome to my ted talk where i gush about my good and unproblematic children who accidentally help set in motion everything bad that happened leading up to the personal writing catastrophe that i've yet to name :D also not this soft enemies-to-friends-to-lovers arc

lan xiaoyun (兰霄云) aka local friendly nihilist aka friendly neighbourhood miser

24, single, very much ready to not mingle

thinks she's in a psychological military horror-drama (she's half-wrong)

only became a sergeant major in the earth coalition military bc there were too many ppl dead and they needed to fill in ranks. resigned the first chance they accepted lol

should probably see a therapist and stop seeing alcohol and sleeping pills as her best friends

needs to get a hobby

absurdly high standards for beauty/handsomeness

would be on an episode of extreme couponing ngl

natural-born bully, actively tries to not bully but can't help herself. doesn't help that she's just a naturally blunt person, but she does have a filter

aspires to be in a permanent head-empty state, does not like thinking, but works a cognitive-intense job and is renowned for her ability to pull absurdly long hours with minimal sleep

hates sweet food, prefers spicy and sour

may or may not have a slight brocon but it's okay he's dead lol

is 157cm, therefore radiates the same energy as a feral chihuahua

is ambivalent and not averse to sex and kissing on the first date, or even just hookups

watched her 3 previous bfs die brutal deaths (#1 in an exploding ship, #2 had his face smashed in, #3 vapourized), so she's kinda convinced anyone she dates is gonna die brutally and it's her fault

florentius asturias aka overgrown puppy when in love aka wholesome lad

30, single, very much ready to mingle if it's xiaoyun

thinks he's in a family friendly romcom (he's half-right)

prodigal venator pilot, equally prodigal commander, a marshal in concordia and basically one of their living legends

25% kind and altruistic, 25% honest and forthcoming, 25% patient, 10% calculating, 5% pragmatic, 5% charming, 5% clumsy = 100% endearing

has good taste, but always picks the worst people for his current state aka he chased upward when he was down and is now chasing down when he's up

also really needs to get a hobby

had two messy breakups in the past (#1 broke up to marry someone richer, #2 was just a mess with infidelity), but is surprisingly still an optimistic romantic

known to be stoic and aloof to his subordinates and colleagues, but is actually a big softie on the inside and is very emotive

a true gentleman, chugs his respect women juice and has indeed killed people who don't

extremely competent at his job, but is actually kinda useless otherwise; man can't cook, can't decorate for shit, has no hobbies, but since he's 190cm, can be used as a very pretty and motivational ladder

currently being exiled to bad baby jail (less lucrative post) by his superior bc he's not married and initially had no intentions of getting hitched

unabashedly a sweet tooth, has never hid it, will never hide it, and shouts it proudly from the rooftops

does not believe in sex on the first date, or even kissing on the first date, does not believe in hookups (for himself) either

is convinced this relationship will work out since she hasn't managed to kill him the previous 48 times she tried

[thissisatitle]

I really love all your RufusxElena art! Such a wonderful ship brimming with potential! I especially enjoy the drawings of them in the BC era! I have a real soft spot for BC Elena because she just so cute & I like the thought of them meeting as teens~!

Thank you 💕 Their potential dynamics are interesting, aren't they? Here's hoping that we will finally see them directly interact in future games too!

Despite of how nonsensical the timeline is in BC, her character got me like !!!! in this game as it added a lot of substance to her & nuance. BC made me fall in love for Elena, as we're clearly shown that there's more to her personnality to how ppl tend to reduce her.

I hope SE will bring that out in Remake bcos it add more nuance to her relationship to the Turks as well. They after all knew Elena before she joined them & didn't even know she was the top student of military school, mostly seeing her as klutzy little sister of one of her colleagues who served them drinks. And we see how they are often dismissive of her in other parts of the compilation, even when she bring good points. That influence could be one of the reasons they are like that with her.

I see them as young adults here, physically grown-up & everything that come with adulthood but still trying to figure what is the path that feel right to them as Elena who's a top student, struggle with how people constantly compare her with her sister but how she also lacks of purpose, something that give sense in her life, as she says in BC " Why am I training so hard for? " & Rufus who reflect on some of his mistakes in his schemes, tries to figure out how he can topple his father while also getting a glance to a life outside of his company & where he get to forge a meaningful connection for once.

Exploring that period of time where they learn to mature a bit outside but not fully as Shinra is still looming behind their back is fun. Elena doesn't have the same obligations imposed by hierarchy there so it's so fun to have her not be afraid to boss Rufus around & for Rufus, to bond with someone outside of Shinra & grow to care in a genuine manner & share moments of happiness, anger & sadness, even tho he still tries to justify him crashing in her place as mostly a mean to an end. Despite of her chatty attitude, Elena comes out as someone who still a bit isolated as well, which is a combination of her personnality & how people tend to treat her so Rufus's presence is the most welcome to her.

And of course and Elena being a disaster comedic duo that sometimes veers into dark places is 👌They are a messy people & I love them for it.

[ladyherenya]

This was more-books-than-sometimes month, because rather than take the time to write about the books I'd finished, I just read more books! Also, I read a lot over the Easter break, including some shorter books and a very binge-able series.

Also read: Two-Step and Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet, Hooked by Cathy Yardley, “Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” and “All the Different Shades of Blue” by W.R. Gingell, and “Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells.

Reread: A Curse So Dark and Lonely by Brigid Kemmerer.

Total: nineteen novels (including two audiobooks and one reread), one novella collection, two novellas, two novelettes and one short story.

Cover thoughts: Bellewether’s blue cover is (unsurprisingly) my favourite. I also really like The Ghosts of Sherwood. 

Still reading: A Portrait of Loyalty by Roseanna M. White and Playing Hearts by W.R. Gingell.

Next up: Torch by R.J. Anderson.

My full reviews are on Dreamwidth and LibraryThing.

*

The Rose Code by Kate Quinn (narrated by Saskia Maarleveld): Historical mystery about three young women who worked at Bletchley Park during WWII.

My favourite out of the books I’ve read so far this year. Most of the narrative is set during the war, but interspersed with sections set in 1947 -- when Beth, in a sanitarium after a breakdown, has sent her two estranged friends a coded message begging for help. I loved this, but at times found it stressful and heartbreaking! The writing is so lively and effective and emotional. 4½ ★

 *

Castle Charming by Tansy Raynor Roberts: Fairytale retellings, collection of novellas.

A very entertaining and a somewhat different take on fairytales, focusing on the reporters, Royal Hounds and royalty at Castle Charming. Some of the character dynamics felt similar to those in Roberts’ Unreal Alchemy although I didn’t feel quite as attached to these characters. I’ll read the sequel. 3 ★ 

*

Bellewether by Susanna Kearsley: Historical and contemporary fiction, set in Long Island during the so-called Seven Years War in 1759 and the present day.

Alternates between a curator overseeing turning a house in a museum and some of the house’s previous occupants, including a French-Canadian Lieutenant awaiting hostage exchange. Despite the various tensions the characters face, there’s something slow and ultimately gentle about this story. Which is lovely --  I enjoyed the picturesque sense of place and astute observations of people -- but it is less dramatic than I was expecting. 3½ ★

*

Happy Trail by Daisy Prescott: Contemporary romance, set on the Appalachian Trail.

A park ranger and a hiker shelter together during a storm. I was fascinated by the insight into hiking the Appalachian Trail and enjoyed some of the characters’ interactions, although I thought the way the romance unfolded was somewhat anticlimactic. Not always what I wanted, but I don't regret reading it.

*

Legacy by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary enemies-to-roommates-to-lovers.

Wes offers to move in with his late-best friend’s girlfriend to help her out financially. This sort of hurt/comfort appeals to me. I liked how seriously this story takes Corinne’s messy, consuming grief. I don’t really want to spend any more time with the characters, but I was very invested in seeing them reach a better place in their lives.

Two-Step by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between an actress and a dance instructor. I enjoyed reading this. I particularly enjoyed how Beau helps Iris with her anxiety about dancing and with her controlling mother/manager. He’s very supportive and understanding! But I finished this with a niggling feeling of dissatisfaction -- Iris needed more opportunity to support Beau in turn.

Someone Like Me by Stephanie Fournet: Contemporary romance between a yoga instructor and her new neighbour, who has just got out of prison.

This one didn’t particularly appeal to me. Although interesting to see the experiences of someone recently released from prison, the romance developed too quickly.

(No, I didn’t read all three of these back-to-back!)

*

Hooked by Cathy Yardley: Contemporary fandom-y romance novella, set near Seattle. Takes place during Level Up and is about two of Tessa’s colleagues.

I enjoyed the characters' interactions and would have liked this more if it hadn't felt rushed. 

*

The Ghosts of Sherwood by Carrie Vaughn: Historical Robin Hood retelling, novella.

Exactly what I wanted! It alternates between Robin and Marian’s eldest daughter, Mary, and Marian herself. I liked seeing Robin and Marian as a long-married couple, who still love each other and still have disagreements. And the dynamic between their children gave me a zing of recognition, reminding me of my siblings. 3½ ★

*

The City Between by W.R. Gingell: Australian YA urban fantasy (murder) mysteries. Set in Hobart.

I ended up enjoying this series so much more than I’d expected to!

Between Jobs: After a neighbour is murdered, our seventeen-year-old orphaned narrator acquires some unexpected housemates -- two fae, one vampire. Once I got past the opening, with its tales of murder, the worldbuilding intrigued me. I still wasn’t sure what I thought about her housemates or the fact that they call her “Pet”, but was willing to reserve judgement until I’d read more. 3 ★

Between Shifts: About supermarket shifts and shapeshifters. Pet and JinYeong go undercover at the local grocery store. This is a reasonable murder mystery. I was initially disappointed with how something played out (but in retrospect can see how that was actually a positive development for Pet). It ended on a cliffhanger, so I was extra motivated to start the next book. 2½ ★

Between Floors: This is where the series took off, because things suddenly get personal! One of her fae housemates has been captured and the closest any of them get to finding Athelas is Pet contacting him in her dreams.This raises a lot of interesting questions, not just about Pet’s abilities, but about her relationship with her housemates. How much does she trust them and how much do they value Pet’s personhood? 3½ ★

Between Frames: Pet’s housemates are hired to investigate a series of fae deaths around Hobart, which involves scrutinising some baffling security footage.  Another solid murder mystery.  The final pages felt like one step forward, two steps back, but yet again, in retrospect, this was a positive development. I’m glad I could dive immediately into the next book. 3 ★

Between Homes: Pet has moved in with some friends. Hurray for Pet having friends! I think this was the point where I started to feel comfortable with Pet calling herself Pet -- when it's the name used by people she likes and trusts and who don’t view her as a pet at all. 3½ ★

“Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears” (novelette): An awesome title and an entertaining opportunity to see Pet from someone else’s perspective -- moreover, someone who doesn’t know her or what she’s capable of. 3 ★

Between Walls: Pet’s friend Morgana is worried about an online friends and asks Pet and co to investigate his disappearance. Along the way, they discover that there are human groups who actually know a lot about Behindkind. I am also becoming increasingly entertained by the Korean vampire. 3 ★

“All the Different Shades of Blue” (novelette): A great cover and it explains who that guy at the cafe is, but otherwise didn’t really do anything Cloudy with a Chance of Dropbears hadn’t already done -- ie., show us Pet from someone else’s perspective. Most of the time, I have enjoyed this series all the more for binging it, but I suspect this particular story would have worked better if I had read it after a period of absence. 2½ ★

Between Cases:  My favourite of these have been the ones where things get personal, and this involves a lot of revelations about who Pet is -- from a fae perspective -- and why her parents were murdered. I enjoyed this one a lot. 3½ ★

*

The Duke of Olympia Meets His Match by Juliana Gray: Historical espionage romance novella, set in 1893 onboard an ocean liner travelling to England. Apparently not the Duke’s first appearance in Gray’s fiction.

I liked the idea here much better than the execution. I liked Penelope, a fifty-year-old widow dependent upon her position as a governess, and I enjoyed her interactions with the older Duke of Olympia. But parts of the spy plot were rushed or confusing, and the resolution was almost-but-not-entirely satisfying. 2½ ★

*

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer: Fantasy. Follows on from the fairytale-retelling A Curse So Dark and Lonely and its sequel, A Heart So Fierce and Broken.

If this is meant as a conclusion to a trilogy, then the ending was a bit too anticlimactic, with a few too many loose ends, to be really satisfying. But I reached the end feeling positive about the story, because I really enjoyed the characters’ interactions. All of the protagonists have to deal with conflict in relationships. I loved the times when they each navigate these conflicts by acting fairly and communicating honestly, when doing so is often difficult and complicated. That’s realistic and satisfying. 3½ ★

*

“Home: Habitat, Range, Niche, Territory” by Martha Wells:  Science-fiction short story. Part of The Murderbot Diaries series, set after Exit Strategy.

Very, very short but I really liked seeing things from Dr Ayda Mensah’s (third person) perspective. 3½ ★

*

Emily of Deep Valley by Maud Hart Lovelace: Historical coming-of-age fiction, set in Minnesota in 1912-3.

I am very glad to finally have read this! It’s delightful, a fascinating insight into community life in a Minnesotan town, and it effectively captures the emotional experience of navigating a period of transition. After high school, Emily’s friends  leave for college, but Emily has to find her own path to purposefully fill her time, build connections and further her education. 4 ★

*

On Wings of Devotion by Roseanna M. White (narrated by Susan Lyons): Romantic historical mystery, set in London during 1918. Christian fiction. Features characters from The Number of Love.

Arabelle Denler is a nurse working in a London hospital; Phillip Camden is an airman now working for British Intelligence. I enjoyed their interactions, especially once they start to get to know each other. I didn’t like the antagonist’s contribution to this narrative -- between the dangers of wartime and the protagonists’ respective issues, there’s enough tension without her. But what I enjoyed about this story outweighed what I didn’t. 3½ ★

*

Our Darkest Night by Jennifer Robson: Historical fiction set during the Nazi occupation of Italy in WWII.

Nina, a young Jewish woman from Venice, goes into hiding by pretending she’s married to Nico, a Catholic farmer. Robson’s strength lies in pairing details of daily life with likeable characters, realistic dialogue and a sweet romance. I read this quickly and eagerly. But if the characters had been more nuanced, more complex, or if their emotions had been conveyed more vividly, I likely would have found reading this a more emotional experience. 3½ ★

[k-odyssey]

I watched a couple of eps of Mr Bride. For no particular reason. Gotta watch those viki dramas to feel like my subscription is worth it!

So far, I like the idea of it more than the execution.

Pros:

I love Hayami as a character. She's perfect from the outside. Her (male) colleagues have put her up on the pedestal of Perfect Woman, which in their eyes is also perfect housewife. She's excellent at her job, always put-together. They assume she's got a squeaky-clean house and culinary talents. To me, it was a relief and a comfort to see her messy, dirty house. Surely, no one has the energy for all that! And she sure doesn't.

She keeps fighting the idea that women should inherently be good with chores, as she should! (Side note: the way the one sleazy guy tries to propose his son in marriage to her. like WTF!!!)

There's a tension between how she sees herself, how her parents (they know she's messy), her friend and her colleagues see her. That's interesting to explore! I guess the one person beginning to see the many sides of her is Yamamoto.

When she ends up in the "husband" role, the drama is challenging the viewer to think about gender roles and the distribution of house work, and I find it an interesting angle.

Yamamoto's family structure is different, and it's cute how motherly his brothers are!!

Cons:

The idea of first cohabitating is so out-of-the-blue. Not sure how Hayami could possible agree to it. In that tiny room. With a colleague. And it's not like she has ANY romantic feeling for the boy. So far, they're giving brother/sister to me.

That's my issue. Lack of romantic anything. It's supposed to be a romcom. It's still early, but Yamamoto feels like he has a school crush on Hayami. And she (amazingly) has no idea. I don't really ship them.

Again, how'd they just decide to live together as "husband" and "wife" and never examine how weird that was... no talk of romance. only when pressed by the brother.

It might change, but even with reverse genders, I don't like the idea that one of the two does all of the chores and the other gives them money. If they share a space, they should share the tasks? Idk. I'm a messy person myself, but when I live with someone, I clean up after myself. Otherwise, isn't he just a live-in servant? Especially when they become a couple, that'd be such a weird dynamic. She could at least the grocery shopping/laundry or whatever.

Not sure how much more of this I'll watch since I've got as many pros as cons on my list, and no one in this is the kind of dreamy that might convince me to keep watching for entirely superficial reasons...

[laurenairay]

Take a Chance - D. Hamilton

Word Count: 12.7k

Summary: Ashley Miller is a Sunday-morning regular at her local coffee shop. Dougie Hamilton is the associate art curator who catches her eye.

Warnings: coffee shop au, some bad language, a lot of cute fluff, anxiety

A/N: This is my @hockeynetwork​ winter gift exchange fic for @huttons​! I had a lot of fun researching & creating this fic gift, and I tried to incorporate all of the preferences you stated and that we discussed. This is very self-indulgent too, definitely the longest thing I’ve written on here, and I’m not going to go into the very niche research rabbit holes I fell down! Bringing this OC to life made me so happy, and I had a blast incorporating the coffee shop au element. I hope you enjoy this! 💚

Also tagging @danglesnipecelly​, @texanstarslove​ and @itsbadgerbadgermushroom​ because they all listened to me stress while writing hah.

*

“Large latte for Ashley!”

Ashley Miller looked up from her laptop, smiling at her favourite barista at the counter. She got up from her table, leaving her laptop and scone briefly as she collected her drink, before heading back to her seat. Sunday mornings were the same every week – arrive at Storm Surge coffee shop when they opened at 7am, park herself at a table in the back corner, and consume a steady flow of coffee as she worked. Sure, her work might vary – teaching Medieval History at The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill meant her lesson topics were all over the spectrum – but she just found that everything from writing notes for her classes that week to marking essays at the end of the semester became easier if she had the thrum of the coffee shop around her.

That, and she knew she’d just spend her entire weekend burrowed in her house if she didn’t get out.

Having moved to Raleigh 6 years ago to undertake her PhD, Ashley had accepted a teaching job at the very same university she’d studied at when she’d completed her studies a year ago, and she hadn’t looked back since. There was just something about Raleigh that she had fallen in love with, only a 30 minute drive away from her workplace, something that had spoken to her very soul, and actually being able to pass on knowledge about the subject that she was so passionate about made her so incredibly happy. Sure, her parents had never understood her love for 11th to 13th century European history (nor anyone else from her small town in South Dakota) but Ashley had never cared about that – New York had given her the opportunity to grow as a person during her undergraduate and postgraduate degrees, but Raleigh had given her the opportunity to thrive.

And she would forever be grateful for that.

Sundays though…Sundays were something she cherished. This independent coffee shop had been a blessing when she’d found it early on in her PhD research, and they had never complained about her taking up a table for essentially the whole day (and she did pay for each of the many coffees she consumed). Baristas and bakers had come and gone over the past 6 years, but there were a couple that had stuck around recently - and a year ago when she officially became ‘Dr Ashley Miller’, her favourite barista Andrei had even given her a piece of chocolate cake on the house to celebrate. Storm Surge coffee shop was a home away from home.

Of course, there was another reason that Sunday coffee shop time was one of her favourite things in her week…

Tall Cute Guy.

He was a regular every Sunday morning, and had been for the past year - three Sundays a month he would order a mocha and an americano to go, but one Sunday a month he would come in an hour earlier and order just an americano, and drink it in the shop instead while reading an old paperback book. Every single time, like clockwork.

Okay, yes, that sounded a little stalkerish. But he was so cute. Ashley pretty much always had her earphones in playing music so she had never caught his name, but his blonde curls, pretty blue eyes and warm smile had caught her eye straight away. And he was so tall, she couldn’t have missed him if she’d tried. She’d never spoken to him, never even said hi in passing, but occasionally she would link eyes with him and he would smile at her. And that smile was enough to send her heart fluttering. Ridiculous really, but it brought her a little joy.

What was the harm in smiling back at a cute guy every now and again, right?

*

Dougie Hamilton walked into the North Carolina Museum of Art with a smile on his face. To be honest, it could’ve been for a multitude of reasons. His career was finally heading upwards, having moved museums to become Associate Curator of European Art a couple of years ago, and he loved his work. He had recently renovated his kitchen, which was now looking pretty sleek and awesome, if he did say so himself. His colleagues had genuinely become some of his closest friends, and he had a standing monthly poker night with several of them. But his smile today wasn’t because of any of that.

No, his smile today was because it was Sunday morning, and he’d just picked up his regular coffee order for him and his boss.

Speaking of…

“So, did you finally talk to your coffee shop crush, or did you just awkwardly stare at her like a weirdo again?”

“Oh fuck off,” Dougie grumbled, feeling his cheeks heat up in a fierce blush as his boss Jordie’s words.

It was far too early for this – he’d only just walked into their shared office for fuck’s sake! Jordie just hooted laughter at his embarrassment as he took his mocha from Dougie, making Dougie groan. “One day you’re going to have to talk to her, man. It’s just getting sad now,” Jordie teased.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t we have a museum to open?” Dougie scowled.

Jordie just beamed even more, wiggling his eyebrows as he left their office. Dougie groaned again, running his hands through is unruly hair before he sighed. Coffee shop crush. Hah. Jordie wasn’t wrong though. Not really. His crush…Mystery Laptop Woman…was one of the reasons he always volunteered to pick the two of them up coffee before the museum opened up on a Sunday morning. Jordie had come along with him only once to pick up their coffee, about 6 months ago, and ever since then he hadn’t let Dougie’s shy smile at her go. Of course, Dougie barely knew anything about her – only that she was always in early on a Sunday, always completely consumed by her work, and she had such a super cute concentration face, whatever it is that she worked on. He could never quite tell – sometimes she had a book or two with her, sometimes it was a stack of papers – but he knew for sure that she appeared to mainline coffee like a pro. Probably some kind of teacher?

He’d certainly never had a teacher that beautiful, that was for sure.

Her long dark hair was always down and always a little messy, like she ran her hands through it often (which she did, he’d noticed). Her warm hazel eyes were hidden behind tortoiseshell glasses, and her lips were always coloured in varying shades of dark pink and red. He’d only seen her standing a couple of times, but he’d caught enough of a glimpse of her long legs to have some very inappropriate thoughts. She just looked so kind, so friendly…and so beautiful. Dougie had never been able to catch her name though – she’d always had a full coffee or at least half a coffee left whenever he was in the shop, so he couldn’t even find out sneakily that way. But whoever she was, whatever she did, when he occasionally got lucky enough for her to look at him, her smile made his entire body light up like a fireworks show. It was a bit pathetic really, how much just a smile from her made his entire day, but he was a year into it now and he wasn’t going to stop that for anything. He had a great career, some great friends, and a pretty great life, even if he was tragically single.

What was the harm in smiling at a beautiful woman whenever he got the chance, right?

*

“Alright, we’ve nearly run out of time now, but just one final thing I want you to think about for Monday’s love in the middle ages class,”

On cue, her students groaned, making Ashley grin.

“Hey, I’m giving you a head’s up here – I could just let you walk into our general lecture blind?” she shrugged, teasing.

That got her a few laughs at least. She’d take that.

“Okay, so we know through our focus on the Medieval Expansion of Europe that one of the biggest tales about Eleanor of Aquitaine in the latter half of the 1100s was of her role in the courts of love. What I want you all to look into is whether these courts of love have the possibility of being a real thing, or whether they feed into the chivalric notions of her contemporaries and were fabricated from the courtly love dynamics of knights and maidens. Just to give us some talking points, okay?”

Her students murmured their agreement, with most of them writing down a reminder. That would have to be good enough for her. At least this way, hopefully someone would discuss the talking points with her in class – she’d found out the hard way last year that there was nothing worse for a university professor than completely uninterested students. She needed something to feed off.

“Alright then, class dismissed. Have a great weekend everyone!”

Ashley moved to her laptop, switching off the projected powerpoint presentation as her students filed out of the classroom, but jumped in shock slightly as she noticed the head of her department sitting in the back corner. How long had he been there?! What was he doing there in the first place? She just hoped her smile didn’t look as nervous as she felt, as he walked up to the front of the room.

Rod Brind’Amour was a legend in the History department for a good reason. His knowledge of military history pre-1800s was unmatched by anyone, but it was his research on the first and second crusades that had inspired Ashley through much of her PhD. Sure, he wasn’t her direct supervisor, but their work interlinked enough that she’d spent many office hours with him debating the second crusade with fervour. For such a big man, he was such a nerd, and he’d made her feel so welcome as soon as he offered her the teaching position at the end of her PhD, with the promise that she would be able to continue her research to inspire future minds. She had been so moved by his words that she hadn’t hesitated to accept the job. How could she not, when someone of his calibre believed in her?

One year in, she wasn’t regretting it at all

“Very smart, setting up some talking points for Monday’s class. I’m so glad I volunteered you to run this year’s Love in the Middle Ages lectures. You’re much better at them than I was,” Rod mused.

Ashley snorted, rolling her eyes playfully. Oh thank god. It’s true that this seminar was one part of the large mandatory Medieval and Early Modern Studies course…but it suited her perfectly.

“That’s because my research focuses on Medieval Queens and the exchange of power they brought to their marriage countries, whereas yours is the effect of each of the crusades through military history. Bleurgh,” she snickered, “Linking today’s Medieval Expansion of Europe class with the generic Love in the Middle Ages lectures on Mondays is just easy,”

“Speak for yourself,” Rod laughed, “give me military tactics any day,”

Ashley just grinned. Some things never changed. “Was there anything you wanted in particular?” she asked, packing up her laptop into its case.

“Just wanted to check in with you, in general,” Rod shrugged, sitting down on the edge of her desk.

Ashley couldn’t help but smile at the thoughtfulness. “I’m doing okay yeah, thanks. Last year’s first semester was more of a struggle for sure, but I don’t have that transition from PhD student and TA to full teaching this time round. I’ve definitely settled in quicker – and this batch of freshman feel a lot more engaged already,”

“That’s good! It definitely shows that you’re handling things well,” Rod nodded, smiling back at her, “But I meant in your life outside of the university too,”

Ashley frowned. What? “What do you mean?” she asked, confused.

Rod laughed softly at her expression. “I know last year you were trying to find your stride, but this year you’ve already got it, so I’m just checking that you’ve got things balanced outside of work too. It’s far too easy to make teaching your entire life – and I don’t want you to burn out,” Rod explained. “I value you here too much for that,”

Ashley’s heart melted a little at his concern, but she just shook his head. “I may not have much going on for me outside of work, but I do get out. I spend my Sundays in a local coffee shop,” she admitted.

Her mind briefly flashed to Tall Cute Guy, but she pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind before she started blushing. So not appropriate for work.

Rod frowned slightly, but nodded. “At least you’re getting out of the house. Just promise me you’ll work on finding time for yourself too?”

“I promise,” Ashley nodded, “I intend to be here for a long time, so I definitely don’t want to burn out,”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it,” Rod grinned, “I’d better get going – see you at the faculty meeting later?”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Ashley grimaced.

Rod just laughed at her disgruntled face, lifting his hand in a wave as he left the room. As she packed the rest of her belongings, Ashley couldn’t help but to think over Rod’s words. Was she in danger of a burn-out? Surely not, so early on in her career? Maybe she did need more of a balance in her life…but how?

*

Another Sunday, another early morning. Sure, Ashley could give herself a lie in every now and again, but that would mean not being able to relax on her Sunday evening, to not have the chance to unwind and reset before the working week starts up again on Monday morning. Spending all weekend in her little 2 bed house wouldn’t do her any good, even as comforting as she’d made it.

Besides, Storm Surge coffee shop was such a part of her routine now, that it would feel wrong to not go in at her usual time. Seeing Andrei the morning barista, Marty the supervisor and Jaccob the baker (who occasionally popped his head out) always made her happy – and as Rod said only a couple of days ago, she needed to make sure she actually kept a balance in her life.

So, as always, just after 7am, Ashley walked through the coffee shop door. She’d skipped eating any breakfast this morning, intent on getting one of the shop’s amazing scones fresh out of the oven, and as soon as she spotted her favourite blueberry-lemon scones in the display, something in her chest settled. Yes, this was exactly why she came every week. This feeling of home.

“Good morning Ashley! Your usual latte?”

Ashley smiled at Andrei, nodding. “Yes please. And one of the blueberry-lemon scones!”

Andrei smiled even wider, if that was possible, and immediate set about inputting her order into the cash register. It was then that she noticed something new on Andrei’s nametag. A pink sparkly kitten sticky. Huh. That was new.

“Nice sticker,” she teased.

“Very sparkly, no? Marty gave it to me,” Andre nodded.

“Oh, Marty did huh?” Ashley grinned.

Interestingly, Andrei blushed. She knew she hadn’t been imagining things. The poor Russian guy just blushed harder, spluttering incoherently, until Ashley took pity on him. It wasn’t like she could be mean to Andrei – he was just too adorable.

“I think the sticker is really cute, Andrei. It was sweet of Marty to give it to you,” Ashley said with a fond smile.

“Thank you! I will tell Marty you like it,” Andrei beamed.

Bless him.

Andrei handed her a scone on a plate, allowing her to go to her usual table in the back corner, setting up her laptop while she waited for her coffee to be ready. She heard a door out the back open, and Andrei quickly slipped away, making her smile.

“AHHHHHHHHHH MR SVECHNIKOV!”

Marty. Ashley just giggled, shaking her head before putting her earphones in for her background music. Yeah, this coffee shop definitely felt like home.

She quickly got lost in writing her lecture notes, going off on tangents that she knew she’d have to rein in later when she edited. It was a full hour before she even looked away from her screen, only to see the shop busy and bustling, every single table full. What the hell? She looked over to see both Andrei and Marty working the counter, only confirming her suspicions that they really had gotten busy while she was lost in her thoughts. Wow. Full at 8am was a new one for sure. Maybe a convention of some kind?

And it was then that she saw Tall Cute Guy walk in. Today he was wearing a pretty blue sweater, bring out the beautiful blue in his eyes, making her smile on instinct. So cute. But then she noticed him being given just the one coffee…he was planning on drinking in, and there were no tables? No!

It made her heart clench to watch him looking around the coffee shop, becoming more and more disheartened…until he noticed her. Maybe, could she, yes. Ashley bit her bottom lip but tilted her head towards the empty chair at her table, earning the biggest smile. She actually did it. She actually offered him the chair at her table. Shit. Her heart started beating faster as he walked over, and she took her earphones out as he came to a stop next to her seat, looming over her.

“I, uh…do you mind if I sit with you?” he asked softly.

Huh. Such a gentle voice on such a big man. Yeah she could totally handle this.

“Please, go ahead,” Ashley nodding, smiling as she waved her hand to indicate, “it’s so busy in here today,”

Oh no. Was that too forward, acknowledging that they’re both regulars?

“Definitely busier than usual, eh?” he mused, “I’ll try not to disturb your work, I’ll only be here for about an hour,”

Ashley laughed, but shook her head. She was just glad he hadn’t been weirded-out by her acknowledgement. That would’ve been so awkward. Her stomach was filled with enough butterflies as it was. “You won’t disturb me, I promise. Sit as long as you like,”

He smiled widely at her, pulling out the chair opposite and sitting down, Ashley just quickly shuffling her papers out of the way for him. He nodded his thanks at her, pulling a paperback book out of his satchel. Then he cleared his throat, so she looked up at him curiously.

“I’m Dougie, by the way,” he said, almost a little shy.

Dougie. That was a nice name. Oh, wow, she finally knew his name! Ashley couldn’t help but smile at him. “I’m Ashley,”

He smiled back at her. “It’s nice to meet you properly,” he said happily.

Ashley just laughed, nodding as she blushed lightly. To have him acknowledge their smiling-from-a-distance definitely sparked something inside of her. Nice to finally meet him indeed.

They sat in comfortable silence, Ashley typing up her tangent notes so far for the morning, and she couldn’t help the feeling of contentment that sat in her chest. The cute guy she’d been smiling at for a year was sitting at her table with her…and it wasn’t awkward at all. In fact, it was really quite nice. And he’d introduced himself!

No, cool it, keep calm Ashley. No-one got anywhere by acting like a giddy schoolgirl. Play it cool.

That promised hour flew by far too quickly. Every now and again she would glance up and find his eyes on her. Every now and again she would glance up only for him to look up and catching her looking. Every time she would blush. Every time he would send her a wonderful smile. But all too soon her table companion was standing up and putting his book in his bag.

“Um…”

Ashley looked up from her work at him, a smile naturally spreading across her face at his nervous expression. Why was he nervous?

“Yes, Dougie?” she said softly, smiling at a little more at finally getting to say his name.

Dougie. Dougie. Dougie.

“I’ll see you soon?” he said, almost hopefully.

“I’ll be here,” she nodded.

Oh god. Well that was stupid. Of course she’d be here. Why couldn’t she just act smoothly for once in her life?

But then Dougie smiled, such a happy little smile that it made her breath catch in her throat.

“Until next time then,” Dougie murmured, “Bye, Ashley,”

“Bye,” she breathed, watching him walk way.

Well, that could’ve been worse. What a Sunday.

*

Things felt different after that fateful Sunday. Dougie (she knew his name!) hadn’t sat down with her again, or even sat in the shop again yet, but now…now he always made a point of waving at her, waiting until she had waved back to smile. Those waves sent her into even more of a tizzy, a light blush always on her cheeks, and she couldn’t help but cherish them. Maybe it was a bit pathetic, but he was so handsome and he noticed her. It didn’t hurt to pretend it was more than friendly acknowledgement, right? A girl could dream at least.

It was only Wednesday today, but that meant only one thing. Her weekly phone call with her mom. Knowing Susan Miller, Ashley could picture exactly what her mom was doing. Her phone would be propped up on speakerphone while she pottered around the kitchen, finishing off making dinner while also planning what desserts to bake at the weekend. Her mom led a simple life, a retired teacher herself (although she’d taught at the local elementary school rather than ever leaving town), but it was a happy life. And it was these phone calls that were the only thing that made Ashley miss home.

Nothing was the same as a hug from her mom with a slice of homemade apple pie. But those were the sacrifices she made for her love of Medieval History. They never stayed on the for more than half an hour, but it was just enough to fill Ashley’s heart, at least for a little while.

“And I swear, if he doesn’t stop leaving those nasty cigar butts on the front porch, I’m going to whoop some sense into him!”

“You’ve been saying this for over 20 years mom – I don’t think dad is going to change at this point,” Ashley mused, rolling her eyes fondly.

Her dad had been set in his ways for as long as she could remember. Nothing was going to change that, not even a little nagging from the love of his life.

“Yes, well, he could at least clean up after himself,”

Her parents really were ridiculous human beings – but they loved each other, and that was all that mattered. Even if her dad didn’t clean up his cigar butts.

“You wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you weren’t complaining about his cigar butts,” Ashley grinned. “Maybe threaten not to make that corned beef hash he likes. That might help,”

The laughter that flowed down the phone made her smile even more. Fuck she missed hearing her mom’s laugh in person.

“Oh I miss you sweetpea. Are you sure you’re okay down there by yourself?”

“Yes mom, you know I love my work and my life down here,” Ashley said, sighing softly.

Here we go again.

“I just worry about you rattling around in that old house by yourself!”

Rude. It wasn’t that old.

“I promise I’m fine!” Ashley insisted.

Her mom stayed silent, making Ashley bite her lip to stop herself getting frustrated. Her mom would come out with it eventually…

“I worry about you being lonely, that’s all. You’re such an introvert, you always have been,”

And there it was.

“How could I be lonely mom? I have great colleagues that I talk with. And I’m around students all day and I interact all the time with them! And the baristas at my coffee shop know me by name and we chat too,” Ashley listed.

“The baristas don’t count, Ash,”

Poor Andrei. He definitely counted. Ashley couldn’t help but giggle at the sigh in her mom’s voice though. “Okay maybe not, but there is a guy that I’ve talked to,”

“Ooh a guy?”

Oh no. Oh what had she done? She had to nip this in the bud now.

“No, mom, not like that, just a friendly face to wave at,” Ashley insisted.

Dougie’s shy smiles filled her mind, but she shook her head. Now was not the time.

“Oh boo, you should work on changing that,”

Hah. If only.

“You’re impossible, mom,” Ashley sighed fondly.

“I love you too darling,”

*

Today he was going to do it. Today Dougie was going to get to Storm Surge coffee shop a little early, get his americano to drink in…and hopefully sit with Ashley again. Ever since that amazing Sunday morning where she offered him a seat at her table (she offered him!), he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. He could kick himself for not being able to do more than wave at her the past three Sundays, but even just the few smiles he seen in passing since have blown him away. Especially with that cute little blush she always had when she waved back at him.

But today he was coming in an hour before he had to get to work, just to have that chance to sit with her and talk with her. Was it a little desperate? Sure. But Dougie never claimed to be anything other than desperate to get to know the beautiful woman he’d only ever seen in passing until now. His schedule didn’t usually allow him the chance – every Sunday the North Carolina Museum of Art opened from 10-5, and he usually got there just after 9 with coffee for him and Jordie, but every fourth Sunday Jordie came in a little later, so Dougie took the time to sit in and read a little before heading into work…and it was the fourth Sunday today. He could only hope that all the nerves and butterflies would be worth it.

Oh fuck, what if she wasn’t even there?

No, she would be. She always was. Enough stalling.

Still…

Dougie walked into Storm Surge with a little ball of nervous anxiety in his chest, praying that Ashley wouldn’t stray from her routine, until he looked over into the back corner…and there she was. He waited until Ashley looked up at him to wave at her, earning a sweet smile and a wave back. Wow, her blush really was so sweet.

“Dougie! You must be drinking in today, yes?”

He snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Andrei’s voice, quickly nodding. “Yeah just the usual americano, thanks,”

“You got it,” Andrei nodded, beaming at him.

Dougie quickly paid and moved to the end of the counter to wait for his coffee. The shop was only half-full at this time in the morning, unlike last month, so he didn’t have the excuse of busy tables. Maybe…he could just walk up to her, right? He could take that chance, right? Yeah, he could do this.

“Here you go!” Andrei said cheerfully.

“Thanks,” Dougie murmured.

The barista gave him a strange look at his distracted tone, and Dougie knew that Andrei was watching as he walked over to Ashley’s table…but here goes nothing. He could totally do this. He was an adult. He paid his taxes on time and everything. He could definitely ask a pretty woman if he could sit with her again.

“Hey, Ashley,”

She looked up from her laptop with a bright smile, making his breath catch in his throat.

“Dougie! Hi!” she said happily.

She remembered his name! Wow. No, focus.

“Do you, um…do you mind if I sit with you again?” Dougie asked.

Oh god, why couldn’t he just sound cool for once in his life? Why did he always have to be the least smooth version of himself that he could possibly be?

Ashley took one look around at all the empty tables and blushed even more, before she bit her lip and nodded. “Sure, go for it,”

That was a good sign, right?

Dougie sat down with a nervous smile, putting his coffee gently on the table.

“So, um, how have you been?”

Ashley looked surprised (oh god, was she only being polite before?) before that melted into a pleased look. Okay, he could work with that.

“I’ve been pretty good thanks, yeah. I’m just revising the list of essay topics that I’m giving my students on Monday, so not too much work to do today thankfully,” she said, “How about you?”

“I’ve been alright yeah. Work has been a little nuts with the new exhibition at the museum but it’s all come together really well!” Dougie said, beaming. What? Could a man not be excited about artwork? “what do you teach?”

Ashley smiled shyly, looking a little hesitant again. Dougie couldn’t help but frown a little. Had people made her feel awkward about her work before? That wasn’t okay! “I’m a Medieval History professor at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. My general focus is on the power of Medieval queens, but I teach everything from the expansion of medieval Europe to love in the middle ages, as well as on the general medieval and early modern history modules. I did my undergraduate and masters degrees at NYU, but I moved down here for the PhD opportunity. It’s now my second full year teaching and I just…I love it so much,”

A PhD?! Holy shit, that’s impressive. Wow. Just…wow. How could she be any more perfect?

“That’s incredible!” was all that Dougie could say.

“You don’t have to pretend, I know having a PhD isn’t exactly the coolest thing in the world, especially in medieval history,” Ashley mused.

Well it was definitely pretty fucking cool to him, no matter what other people had ever said to her. “I’m definitely not pretending, I promise. Medieval history is fascinating,” he insisted.

Ashley pursed her lips like she didn’t believe him, making Dougie laugh.

“I’m serious! I may not have a PhD but my masters thesis was a specialism in Rembrandt’s work. I’m a total art history nerd – 14th-17th century in particular,” Dougie explained.

Come on, let the nerdiness pay off for once…

Her face immediately lightened, her mouth forming into a surprised ‘o’, making him laugh again. At least, he hoped it was a good surprise?

“One of the classes I’ll be teaching next semester is Italian Renaissance and European History to 1650,” she murmured.

Holy shit. What a match up.

���Told you I wasn’t pretending to be interested,” Dougie grinned, “I’d definitely love to learn more about that class when you start it,”

Ashley blushed again, but her nervous smile had shifted into a full beaming smile, and his heart could only just about take it. Then she froze slightly, blinking, as if she’d forgotten something. What?

“Sorry, did you say museum earlier?” Ashley said suddenly, “like, you work at a museum?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m an associate curator at the North Carolina Museum of Art,” Dougie nodded.

He did his best not to puff out his chest in pride. He’d worked damned hard on his career and he was proud of it.

“I just…wow, I wouldn’t have expected it,”

Dougie laughed, raising an eyebrow at her sheepish smile.

“A guy who looks like you, like such an athlete’s build…oh god, sorry, that’s so rude of me,” she groaned, burying her face in her hands.

But Dougie just laughed, shaking his head. “Believe me, it’s far from the first time I’ve heard that,”

And never with such appreciation of his body either…

Look, he knew how the world perceived him on first glance. Tall, muscled guy, blonde hair and blue eyes, probably an all-american jock right? How he loved proving them wrong.

“Still doesn’t make it okay,” Ashley winced, “so I’m sorry,”

“Apology accepted,” Dougie mused, “I love my work, so it’s fun surprising people. Especially people with similar interests,”

Ashley bit her lip again but nodded and smiled, tilting her head to show she was listening. Wow, he could definitely get used to her looking at him with this much interest.

“Like I said, I’m an associate curator at the North Carolina Museum of Art. I’m actually Canadian, but I finished my masters degree in Boston and went straight into working at the MFA, but after working on a brief project in Calgary, I realised I wanted to work more in my specialist interests, y’know? So I applied for a role at the Museum of Art here, and became the associate curator of European Art. It’s…it’s everything I could’ve wished for, when I was studying,”

Dougie took a sip of his coffee while Ashley processed that flood of information, hoping he hadn’t come across too strong. People really did tend to zone out when he talked about his work…but hopefully because she also had an interest in European history and art, she wouldn’t be put off?

“I can definitely relate to following and achieving my passions for a niche subject,” Ashley grinned, “and I love that you love it so much. It’s rare, to find someone who gets such genuine joy out of their work. Even though work can sometimes be super stressful,”

“Stressful, but worth it. Especially when a new exhibition comes together so well,” Dougie agreed.

“Oh?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Dougie licked his bottom lip, trying not to look too nervous. This exhibition is such a big deal, and it had been such a lot of work. He could get a little excited about it now, right?

“Yeah, I’ve been working solidly for the past few months on the new exhibition – it’s opening next weekend. It’s a collection of Italian Renaissance Art,” Dougie said, a little hesitant.

Hesitant…because maybe that was a bit flashy? Did it sound like he was bragging? He really hoped not – not just because he was so proud of his work but he genuinely did want to excite Ashley…

“Oh no way! Really?” Ashley gasped.

Dougie bit his lips to control his grin. Oh thank fuck. Finally, someone he could actually impress with his love of art history. “Yeah, last quarter the museum acquired over 30 paintings from the 14th century from various collectors and this will be the first time they’ve all been together in the same room,”

“I bet they’ll be so beautiful all together after so long,” Ashley said, her voice a little wistful.

Wistful? He could fix that. Maybe. Yes, this was the perfect opportunity…

“Maybe we could…I know this might feel a little soon, but I’m…

Dougie trailed off with a frustrated groan, making Ashley giggle. For once, just once, let him be smooth! He took a deep breath, before trying again.

“Would you like to come to the exhibition opening with me?” he asked softly.

Ashley’s jaw dropped slightly, but she quickly nodded, making Dougie’s heartbeat kick up a notch. “Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’ve got a plus one as the associate curator, and there’s no-one else I could imagine going with. I think you’d love it,” Dougie explained, “and I’d love to show you the artwork,”

Was that too desperate?

“I’d…wow, I’d love to go with you,” Ashley said, her expression shy but pleased.

Shy but pleased. He could work with that.

“Great, it’s a date!”

Oh God. Dougie could only freeze…but then Ashley smiled. Huh, maybe not so cringey?

“A date huh? I’d love that too,” Ashley said shyly.

Oh thank fuck. Ashley just giggled at Dougie’s blush.

“Give me your number and I’ll text you the details?” Dougie suggested, trying to salvage at least a little bit of his dignity.

As Ashley took his phone from him and entered her phone number, Dougie could only sit in shocked silence. He’d done it. He’d actually asked her on a date. On a date where he could impress her with a topic they both loved so much. All he had to do now was not fuck it up.

That wouldn’t be so hard, right?

*

Ashley had been in a little bit of a daze when Dougie had left for work. He’d asked her on a date. On a date! And they’d exchanged numbers, Dougie having sent her a little smiley face so she had his number in return. She was just thankful that there wasn’t much work for her to do that day – there was no way she wouldn’t been able to focus otherwise.

And then throughout the week, they’d started exchanging cute little messages. Just sweet little things, like how was your day? and look how cute this dog is and I had the loudest school tour group come through the museum today and which of these texts is going to give me the worst teacher rating? – it was all silly and sweet and fun, and Ashley couldn’t remember the last time that the potential of a relationship had excited her so much.

There was just something about Dougie that made her heart beat a little faster every time she thought of him. It was bad enough when he would smile at her in passing in Storm Surge…but now, with every little text, she felt herself smiling even more than she could’ve imagined, like a giddy little schoolgirl with a first crush.

Because at the moment, it really was just a crush. They hadn’t gone out on their first date yet – in reality, they’d only sat together twice, with one of those times essentially being the exchange of their names. They’d only had one conversation in person. And the texts were so sweet and lovely…but they were just texts. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself and get her hopes up, you know? God knows that had happened enough times.

She couldn’t help but hope that finally, she had met someone with real potential. Dougie made it easy to hope.

Ashley supposed that their first date would be the real test of whether she’d just built up all the excitement of Tall Cute Guy in that coffee shop fantasy in her head, or whether he was the real deal. Their conversation in person on Sunday had been such a good start, but fuck please make him the real deal.

Was it really that much to ask?

Finally Friday rolled around and she was finished with work for the week. Well, mostly. Ashley had just come out of a bi-monthly faculty meeting and just had to check some emails before she could go home for the weekend (and to shave her legs because she found the cutest dress for her date on Saturday) – but as she got to her office, she noticed that Rod had stopped in the doorway, waving to some of their colleagues as they strolled past. Hmm.

“So…you’re looking incredibly chipper for someone who just got out of a tedious faculty meeting,” Rod teased, leaning against her doorframe.

Ashley just laughed, rolling her eyes fondly as she sat at her desk. “I don’t know why you complain so much – you’re the one who runs them,”

“Not through choice, I promise that,” Rod mused, shaking his head, “But you are looking extra cheerful today. Just feeling a little nosy, I guess,”

Ashley bit her bottom lip, hesitating. Should she tell him about her date? It’s not like Rod was a gossip…and it’s not like she had a whole host of friends to tell…

“I may or may not have a date tomorrow night,” Ashley eventually admitted.

His eyes immediately lit up. Oh God.

“Ooh a date, exciting!” Rod gasped dramatically, fanning himself like a southern belle.

“Oh my god, shut up,” Ashley giggled. That could’ve gone worse – but his excitement definitely lit up the butterflies in her stomach all over again.

Rod just laughed, holding his hands up in surrender. “I’m just glad you’re giving someone a chance to sweep you off your feet,” he teased, “Who is he and where is he taking you?”

“He’s a guy I met in that coffee shop I go to on a Sunday, and he’s taking me to the new Italian Renaissance exhibition at the North Carolina Museum of Art,” she explained.

And she couldn’t wait.

“A cultured guy or a try hard?” he smirked.

“A cultured guy,” Ashley giggled, rolling her eyes, “he’s actually the associate curator who worked on setting up the exhibition,”

“Don’t we all love a man who knows his history, even if it is art,” Rod grinned, winking dramatically, earning another giggle, “Let me know how the exhibition is - I know my wife would love to go if it’s any good,”

“I’ll give you a full review on Monday,” Ashley agreed, nodding.

“And a full review of your date,” Rod grinned.

“Okay, out, out. I need to finish these emails before I leave,” Ashley laughed.

“I’m going, I’m going,” Rod mused, “If you need anything, even an escape clause tomorrow night, send me a text, okay?”

Her heart softened a little at his kind gesture, and she found herself nodding. “I don’t think it’ll come to that, but thank you, I appreciate it,”

“Any time,” Rod nodded.

Ashley bit her bottom lip to hide her grin as he shut the door behind him on the way out, and the butterflies in her stomach were still there. Saturday night couldn’t come soon enough.

*

Tonight was the night. Ashley only had a few minutes left before her uber arrived to pick her up to take her to the museum, and she couldn’t resist having a final glance in the mirror by her front door. She’d had a little panic over what the hell the dress code would be for a gallery opening, but after Dougie confirmed it wasn’t black tie, just formal dress, Ashley had consulted with some of her college friends (who were buzzing about the fact that she was actually going on a date), and decided that a midi cocktail dress was the way to go.

And she’d found the perfect one.

The dress she’d picked out in a local boutique was a beautiful forest green colour, complimenting her dark hair and hazel eyes perfectly. It fell to the middle of her shins, as her friends had recommended, and had thick shoulders straps, no sleeves but a neckline with a deep enough v that it should a little cleavage (classy cleavage of course, very sophisticated in her opinion). Her favourite part though was the Marilyn Monroe-esque twirl to the skirt – something she’d tested out several times already – and she just felt glamorous in it. She’d straightened her usually-messy hair and put on a little make-up too, to match the effort she was making with the dress. To be honest, Ashley felt beautiful, and she honestly couldn’t wait to see Dougie’s reaction. It was a hell of a lot different to her usual Sunday Storm Surge outfits, that’s for sure.

Soon enough, her uber was pulling up outside of the Museum of Art, and she thanked the driver as she got out. Thankfully, Dougie was already waiting at the top of the steps for her, and the smile that he sent her way made her breath catch in her throat. Ashley took the time to check him out as she walked up towards him, and she felt those butterflies start up again. He was wearing a gorgeous navy blue suit with a white shirt and grey tie, bringing out the colour of his eyes beautifully, and the stunned expression on his face as he looked at her made her blush a little. That was a good reaction, right?

“Wow. You look…amazing,” Dougie murmured, looking her up and down with awe.

Definitely a good reaction.

“You look really good too,” she grinned.

Dougie grinned back at her, before offering her his arm. “Shall we?”

Ashley fought not to squeal as she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. What a smooth move. “Lead the way,”

Dougie walked her inside, picking up a glass of champagne each after they dropped their jackets off. Then they were off. The two of them wandered around through the exhibition, Dougie guiding her and giving her the most indepth information she could’ve possibly hoped for. She’d never had such a personal tour like this, and he was so shy yet so knowledgeable that she couldn’t help but to drink up every word. This was what she had hoped for out of tonight, that passion coming through Dougie, and she was receiving it tenfold.

“This one is one of my favourites. Batoni’s The Triumph of Venice. There’s just so much going on, and I swear I notice something different every time I look at it,”

Ashley looked at the painting, taking in the many figures, the details, the colours, and couldn’t help but smile. It truly was a masterpiece.

“Oil on canvas? Maybe…early 1700s?” she guessed.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Dougie breathed.

He immediately flushed bright red, making Ashley giggle. Good to know that her vague art history knowledge was paying off. And that she could make him react like that…

“I love all the finessed detail in this one. Especially on the carriage – it’s exquisite,” Ashley murmured, looking back at it.

“Isn’t it?” Dougie grinned.

Ashley squeezed his arm gently, smiling up at him, earning a happy smile back. He was so clearly in his element, and she was loving every second. The way his entire face lit up when he talked about art…there was something just so beautiful in that. Those beautiful blue eyes were even more alive than ever, that spark of passion adding such a gorgeous element, and she really wanted to see more of it. That was a good sign, right? That she was already imagining more.

They moved on to the next painting, and Ashley’s breath caught in her throat. Wow.

“And this…this is the star of the collection. Giotto’s Peruzzi Altarpiece, the only complete altarpiece by the artist outside of Italy,”

Her jaw dropped a little. That was a big deal. “The only one?”

“The only one,” Dougie nodded.

“Holy shit,” Ashley mumbled, eyes wide.

Dougie grinned at her. “My sentiments exactly,”

“All of that gold. So much gold. And the details in their faces. Holy shit,” Ashley murmured.

“One of my favourite frescos, and I get to see it every day,” Dougie sighed happily.

“Well count me as jealous,” Ashley teased, nudging him with her shoulder.

Dougie just smiled shyly, rubbing the back of his neck. He was just so cute.

“Would you, um…would you like a new drink?”

“Sure, another couldn’t hurt,” she nodded.

It’s not like she drank champagne that often after all. And it was a special occasion…

They stayed in the museum for another hour, looking over some of the art again as well as mingling with Dougie’s colleagues (including a mostly silent guy Dougie introduced as ‘Foegs’, who gave Dougie a double thumbs up when he thought she wasn’t looking, and a very enthusiastic big blonde man named Jordie, who she learned was Dougie’s boss – which, wow). Their conversation just flowed, and the doubts that she’d had earlier were easily shoved to the back of her mind.

She’d never thought it would feel so natural spending the evening arm-in-arm with a guy, but Dougie had just blown her away.

All too soon, it was time to leave the museum though, and while Dougie got their jackets, Ashley opened her phone to request an uber. 5 minutes away. Perfect.

“I had a really great time tonight,” Dougie murmured, when they were waiting outside.

His own uber was only a couple of minutes behind hers.

“Me too,” Ashley admitted, smiling up at him, “Thank you for inviting me,”

“There’s no-one else I would’ve wanted to take. I just glad you enjoyed it,” Dougie smiled back.

“I enjoyed spending time with you. The exhibition was just a bonus,” she said softly, looking up at him through her lashes.

Holy shit she just flirted. Blatantly flirted. Too much?

But then Dougie blushed a little, before a small smirk spread across his lips. “Yeah?”

Ashley just bit her lip, nodding. Dougie’s blue eyes flashed a little darker, sending a hot jolt running through her body. Oh wow. Just like that huh. But then her phone buzzed, the uber car pulling up to the curb, breaking her out of her thoughts just before they started to spiral.

Calm down Ashley, it’s only the first date!

She waved at the uber driver to signal that she’d seen him before turning back to Dougie. “See you tomorrow?” Ashley asked hopefully.

“Yeah, I’ll be starting work a little later on the one off, as it was the exhibition opening tonight,” Dougie nodded, “I’ll be there,”

Ashley grinned at him, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to his cheek, laughing softly as his jaw dropped.

“Bye, Dougie,” she said softly, walking over to the car.

“Bye,” she heard him murmur, just as she closed the door.

“Hot date?” the uber driver teased.

“The hottest,” she grinned back.

That earned her a laugh, and she couldn’t help but smile as the driver pulled away from the curb. Ashley glanced out of the window, only to see that Dougie hadn’t moved at all – other than his fingers brushing over where she’d kissed his cheek, a hopeless smile on his face.

What a first date indeed.

*

To: Ashley

From: Rod

So how did the date go?

~

To: Rod

From: Ashley

The exhibition was incredible. You need to take your wife, for real.

~

To: Ashley

From: Rod

I actually meant the guy but sure…

~

To: Rod

From: Ashley

He was a perfect gentleman and…amazing.

You’ll get your full gossip on Monday.

~

To: Ashley

From: Rod

Boo fine.

I’m glad you had a good time though!

See you on Monday

*

 “I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

“I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

“I had a really great time tonight,”

“Me too,”

Wasn’t the saying that if things seemed too good to be true, then they probably were not?

Ashley had gone to bed feeling over the moon, elated, bubbling with excitement. But when she’d woken up, it was like a dark cloud had settled over her, a heavy rock of anxiety sitting on her chest. Everything had gone so well last night. So well. Too well? This wasn’t the first time that she’d gotten her hopes up only to have things fall apart around her – and her hopes had skyrocketed last night. All she felt was like she was waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it made her feel sick.

That niggling negativity had swum around her brain over and over again, and she hadn’t been able to shut it off – not when she showered, not when she got dressed, and not when she sat on the sofa debating whether or not to actually turn up at the coffee shop.

Was this really what things had come down to? Tempted to break her solid routine, the exact routine she’d had every week, just because a guy made her nervous? Was he really that important? Was she really that much of a coward?

She sat on the sofa so long that she passed the time she would normally leave. Hell, she passed the time she would normally be sitting down at her usual table. Oh god she couldn’t take this. It was too much. Her legs bounced nervously as she pulled up the message thread she had with him, typing out a message to cancel…

…and then she deleted it.

Fuck that shit. No matter how anxious this whole dating thing made her feel, nothing was worth this. She couldn’t just not show up, that wasn’t right. That wasn’t her. Fuck this. As quickly as she could, Ashley grabbed her laptop and her handbag, driving as fast as she could to Storm Surge.

When she parked her car, she noticed that she had a few texts from Dougie. Oh god.

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Hey, I’m coming a little earlier than usual today!

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Are you running late?

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Are you coming?

~

Oh god. Ashley winced, practically running to the shop, immediately spotting Dougie at her usual table in the back. The sheer relief on his face made her wince again. Fuck. His expression dimmed at little, but she quickly ordered her usual latte from Andrei, who looked an interesting mix of confused and concerned, but she headed over to Dougie without hesitating.

“Hey, um, sorry I’m late,” she murmured, setting her coffee and her laptop down on the table.

Dougie frowned at her briefly, clearly taking in whatever the hell her face was showing.

“Is everything okay?” he asked softly.

Ashley bit her bottom lip, hesitating. Might as well tell him the truth, right?

“I, uh, I was second-guessing everything?”

“Second-guessing?” Dougie asked, frowning harder.

Ashley just sighed. “Yeah, um, it’s dumb. I just…it all seems too good to be true? I woke up feeling like I’d gotten my hopes up and…fuck, I’m sorry. I just feel stupid now,”

Looking up at Dougie’s sad face immediately made her regret telling the truth, but it was too late now. Fuck. Why did she have to ruin everything? The fact that he was staying silent just made everything worse. Should she just go?

“What do you want to do now then?” Dougie eventually asked “or do you not know?”

Ashley swallowed heavily, looking down at her hands briefly. Hah. The million dollar question. “I know that I like you?” she offered.

Dougie huffed a laugh. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m not going to get mad if you don’t want to go on another date,” Dougie said with a sad smile.

Oh god that was worse. He should never sound that disheartened – it wasn’t right. And it was all her fault.

“Would you even want to go on a date with me again when I’m this much of an anxious mess?” Ashley sighed.

After last night, this really wasn’t where she’d seen her day going. Self-sabotage was a bitch. But it was her own damn fault. It always was. But then Dougie reached his hand forward, fingers brushing over hers lightly to get her attention, making her blush as he smiled a bit more genuinely.

“Yeah, I would like to,” he nodded, “I had a really great time yesterday night, and I still want more,”

Oh, so maybe she hadn’t ruined everything then. What? Well shit, she was grabbing this second chance with both hands.

“I had a great time too,” Ashley admitted, blushing a little bit more, “even with this stupid anxiety,”

“Good. That’s…that’s really good,” Dougie laughed, “well, not the anxiety part, but I’m going to prove to you that this isn’t just getting your hopes up,”

“I’d like that,” she murmured.

Dougie smiled at her, a truly genuine happiness, making her breath catch in her throat. Fuck she didn’t deserve this. But there was no way she was going to let herself ruin this, not now.

“Maybe we could just talk for a couple of hours before I have to go into work? Have some coffee, a couple of those delicious blueberry-lemon scones, and just see where things go?” Dougie suggested.

Ashley nodded, the tight ball in her chest immediately loosening. God, he was such a nice guy. “I’d definitely like to get to know you more,” she agreed.

“Scones are on me then,” Dougie grinned.

Hope. A second chance. Bring it on.

*

When Dougie eventually walked into work, his shared office had more people in it that he cared for. Well, okay, that was a little mean. But right now was not the best time for the combination of Jordie and Foegs as well as Sebastian and Teuvo, especially not when all four of them had met Ashley last night. Not when they were all so intense. Not while things were still so tentative.

“So, how did it go?” Jordie asked excitedly, “it looked like the two of you were having fun!”

And here we go.

“Well last night, at the exhibition, went really well, but…”

Jordie and Foegs frowned as he trailed off, Sebastian and Teuvo just looked confused. Dougie sighed and sat down heavily at his desk.

“She was really hesitant this morning. Like, so full of anxiety that she almost didn’t show up for coffee,” he admitted, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck awkwardly.

“What do you mean?” Jordie asked, tilting his head to the side in confusion.

“She thinks it’s too good to be true?” Dougie winced.

Foegs looked a little stunned, Jordie’s jaw dropping. But then Sebastian jumped to his feet from where he was sitting on Jordie’s desk.

“Well then you’ll just have to sweep her off her feet!” Sebastian said firmly.

Really? Dougie sent him an unimpressed look, but Sebastian’s pout stayed serious as Teuvo giggled.

“As much as I hate to say it, Sepe has a point,” Foegs shrugged, making Sebastian stick out his tongue at him, “the two of you looked like you’d really hit it off when we were all talking, and the fact that Ashley did meet you this morning means a little anxiety shouldn’t stand in the way,”

“Take her on another date. Wine and dine, man. It’s a classic for a reason,” Jordie added, nodding seriously.

Well shit, if Jordie was being serious then maybe it would work.

“Thanks guys,” Dougie murmured, smiling softly.

“Anything to land you the woman of your many dreams,” Jordie beamed.

Dougie just blushed. Sebastian wriggled his eyebrows, Teuvo just punching him on the arm. It was almost a nice moment.

He waited until Foegs, Sebastian and Teuvo had left to start working before he pulled his phone out, biting his bottom lip as he thought of what to say.

~

To: Ashley

From: Dougie

Hey, I’m glad I saw you today.

I hope you’re still doing okay.

How do you feel about getting dinner with me?

~

Dougie jiggled his leg nervously as he logged into his computer, waiting with baited breath for any reply.

And then eventually, his phone buzzed. Ashley. Thank god.

~

To: Dougie

From: Ashley

I’m alright thanks. That scone definitely helped ;)

I would love to get dinner with you.

~

Dougie couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face. Good. This was good. They exchanged a few more messages, eventually figuring out that because of his next few late nights with the exhibition and her essays she had to mark, neither of them were really free until next Saturday. A whole week away again. Fuck. No, this was going to work. Dougie knew it was worth it – and if she needed him to text a lot over the next few days to remind her that he was all in, that he wasn’t just going to disappoint her like those other guys, then he absolutely would.

Wine and dine next Saturday. He could absolutely do this.

“Hey, what was the name of that place you took your wife out for date night a couple of weeks back?” Dougie asked, looking up at his boss.

Jordie’s face lit up. “Oh man, it was so good…”

*

As Dougie promised himself, they kept texting throughout the week. He told her fun stories from visitors to the exhibition. She told him silly comments her students made that she couldn’t respond to without laughing in class. He told her all about his time in Boston. She told him all about her time in New York. He sent her a picture of the cutest trio of dogs his neighbours adopted. She sent him a picture of a sunset that took her breath away. Things were…good. He was just glad that Ashley seemed as enthusiastic as she was before their first date.

All he could hope was that he was proving to her that he was different. That he was serious about giving their budding relationship a shot. He hadn’t bonded with someone as quickly as this, as deeply as this, ever – so he wanted to see where it went. The unknown with Ashley genuinely excited him, and he wanted her to feel the same excitement.

He could only try to be good enough to deserve her.

By the time Saturday rolled around, Dougie was a nervous wreck. He’d left work exactly on time for once, Jordie giving him a thump on the shoulder and Foegs a thumbs up (he mostly ignored Sebastian and Teuvo’s shimmies), racing home to change into a nice sweater and his favourite pair of smart jeans. Casual but like he cared about making an impression. That was what he was aiming for.

And then Ashley arrived 10 minutes early, just after he’d arrived himself, looking nervous but happy in the prettiest baby blue tea-dress he’d ever seen, with her hair curled and wearing a pretty pink lipstick. Wow.

“You look beautiful,” he blurted.

Oh god. Mr Smooth, again.

Ashley just blushed, smiling up at him. “Thank you. I love your sweater,”

Dougie blushed in return. What a pair they made.

“After you,” he said, opening the restaurant door for her.

As much as her anxiety had worried him, he was so glad he didn’t give up – she was absolutely worth it. They were lead to their table, Dougie being a bit extra and pulling out Ashley’s chair for her, but the giggle he got in return was what he was aiming for. Wine and dine. Sweep her off her feet. That’s all that he wanted to do, and if it was working then he wasn’t going to stop now.

“I was thinking we could split a bottle of wine tonight, if you want?” Dougie offered.

“Yeah that sounds good to me,” Ashley nodded, “Maybe a white wine?”

That was more than okay with him. Red wine made him a little…over the top? He definitely talked too much when he had red wine, he knew that much, and he wanted to save at least a little dignity tonight. Hopefully, at least.

The wine was ordered, and by the time they each had a cold glass of sauvignon blanc, Ashley looked as relaxed as Dougie felt. He could only hope the rest of this night turned out the same way.

“So did I tell you what one of Rod’s students said to him yesterday?”

Dougie grinned, shaking his head. “No you didn’t!”

Ashley grinned back. “Well…”

They talked for hours, sharing stories about their jobs, their interests, their families, not stopping when any of their three courses came, not hesitating even once. Nothing was awkward in the slightest – their conversation just flowed like they’d known each other for years, and Dougie’s heart was just so happy. This was everything he’d wanted for so long, someone he could truly been 100% himself with, and he couldn’t believe that she seemed as into him as he was into her.

How was this possible, after only two dates?

Time flew by so fast, too fast, and they did eventually have to leave their table, even as much as Dougie didn’t want the night to end. He just felt utterly consumed by her, completely and utterly lost in her very being, and he didn’t want this feeling to stop for anything.

It probably didn’t help that they’d split three bottles of wine though.

It wasn’t enough to make either of them sloppy drunk, not with the delicious food they’d eaten, but Ashley was definitely a bit more giggly than usual, and he was definitely smiling like an idiot.

“I wish your uber wasn’t on its way,” Dougie sighed, when they were outside.

“I’m actually not a far walk from here, so I was just going to walk home?”

At this time of night? Absolutely not! Ashley saw the look of indignation of his face and burst into laughter, making him blush (again). What? He wasn’t wrong for being worried about her getting home safely.

“You could always walk me home?” she suggested.

Oh. Oh. Oh yeah okay, he could do that.

“Yeah, definitely,” Dougie nodded quickly.

Dougie’s heart started beating a little faster as she looped her arm through his, and it was all he could do not to smile at her too helplessly. How did she manage to affect him like this? He’d never fallen so head over heels so quickly. And she seemed completely oblivious to how gone he was for her – in the most innocent of ways.

They walked slowly, leaning on each perhaps a little more than they would without the wine, but it just meant that they had more time for talking. Dougie was blissfully happy to let Ashley rant about the indignity of the black myth surrounding Eleanor of Aquitaine, taking in everything that she was trying to teach him. He loved how much she loved her medieval history, just like he loved his art. It was quirky and different and so unique to her. And honestly, he could picture them doing this together for years, discussing their passions and their love for their careers and…

“Okay this is me,” Ashley announced, breaking him out of his thoughts.

Dougie looked up at the old two-storey home with a smile. So this was her home. Pretty.

“That wasn’t so bad a walk,” Dougie grinned.

“I feel bad now though, making you get further away for your own journey,” Ashley frowned.

But Dougie shook his head. “It’s fine really. I’m sure there are plenty of ubers still running around here,”

“Well…”

Ashley trailed off, biting her lip, making Dougie smile. What was on her mind?

“You can stay, if you want?” Ashley said, a shy smile on her face.

Oh fuck. Stay? Ashley saw the shock on his face, before she blushed furiously, quickly shaking her head.

“I have a spare bedroom! I swear I didn’t mean it like that,” she groaned, covering her face with her hands.

Dougie couldn’t help but laugh, tugging her hands away gently. Not that he was opposed to…sharing a bed with her, but that wasn’t the vibe of tonight. Tonight was for building them up, getting them to a more comfortable level. And fuck did it feel good tonight.

Waking up to see her first thing in the morning would only be icing on the cake.

“I would love to stay, as long as you don’t mind,” he said softly, brushing his hand against hers.

Ashley inhaled sharply but nodded, wordlessly reaching in her handbag for her keys. They stayed silent as they walked into the house, Dougie barely moving a foot away from her as she showed him the kitchen, the bathroom and then the spare bedroom. He could do a proper tour in the morning, he knew that. He was just a little stunned that he was even still with her, to be honest.

“So here’s some basketball shorts that my cousin left last time he visited. I don’t have a shirt big enough for you though,” she apologised, handing him a soft bundle.

Dougie just shook his head, smiling. “This is more than enough. I usually sleep shirtless anyway,”

Ashley’s lips parted a little in surprise, her eyes glazing over slightly, making Dougie grin as she shook her head as if to clear it. Good to know he had that effect on her.

“There are spare toothbrushes under the sink from when I last when to the dentist’s office, so help yourself to whatever one?” she offered.

Dougie just nodded, squeezing her hand as he walked into the bathroom. He willed himself to retain at least a little bit of chill as he got changed, quickly washing his face and cleaning his teeth with one of the toothbrushes she’d offered. This was all still a little bit surreal, being honest. But he was going to seize this with both hands – this was a chance he was never going to get again if he fucked up.

Ashley couldn’t seem to keep her eyes off him as they swapped places in the bathroom, and Dougie tried not to grin as he flexed his abs a little, making her blush. He could have a little fun, right? Especially since he knew the boundaries he needed to stay behind, he wasn’t dumb.

By the time he’d put his phone on charge and folded his clothes onto a chair for tomorrow, and then headed back out into the corridor, Ashley was back, dressed in a cute little pair of shorts and a giant t-shirt. Oh wow, he could definitely imagine her wearing his t-shirt to bed one day. No, not the time!

“Hey,”

Ashley’s voice brought him out of his thoughts, and he couldn’t help but smile down at her.

“Hey,” he murmured.

“See you in the morning?” she said hopefully.

Like fuck he was going to leave. “Bright and early,” he nodded.

But when she didn’t go anywhere, her hand moving to rest on his bare arm, Dougie couldn’t stop himself from stepping towards her. Fuck. She inhaled sharply, but didn’t push him away, and that was all he needed.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked lowly.

Ashley’s lips parted in a soft gasp, but she nodded. “Yeah, please,”

Dougie raised a hand to cup her face, giving her one last out, but as she raised up on her tiptoes he didn’t hesitate any further. He leant his head down, and pressed his lips to hers softly, barely able to stop the moan that wanted to tear from his throat. Holy shit. Ashley clutched at his biceps, leaning up into the kiss even more, making Dougie’s head spin as he kissed her softly, slowly, over and over again. This was so not what he expected from tonight, or even hoped for, but fuck did it fill his body with butterflies. Holy shit, kissing her was everything. Eventually, he brushed his tongue against hers gently, before pulling away, knowing there was a stupid smile on his face.

“Wow,” he breathed.

“Wow,” she nodded, laughing softly, “That’s one hell of a goodnight,”

Dougie laughed softly too, pecking her lips in a soft kiss one last time before stepping away. She leaned against the wall, looking a little stunned, making him grin as he walked into her spare bedroom. If he didn’t walk away, he knew he would do something stupid to break them out of this perfect little sweet bubble, and that wasn’t what he wanted. Not tonight.

Tonight had been perfect. 

*

Ashley woke up slowly, a little groggy, feeling like she was forgetting something. Then she heard the bathroom door opening, and everything came flooding back to her. Dougie was here. He’d stayed over after their date last night. They’d kissed. Holy shit. Holy shit. She took a deep breath to calm herself, fingers rising to her lips without a second thought, and it was all she could do to smile.

Dougie had kissed her. And it was everything.

She squealed softly into her pillow, feeling stupidly giddy, before quickly picking out a cute jumper and her comfiest skinny jeans to wear. She could hear him moving in the spare bedroom, so she quickly darted into the bathroom, washing and then brushing her teeth, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face at the sight of the toothbrush that Dougie used resting in the holder. There was just something about it that felt right.

She took a deep breath, running her hands down her sweater to smooth it, before she headed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. It didn’t take long for Dougie to join her, and he accepted the glass of juice that she passed him with a smile.

“Good morning,” he murmured.

“Good morning,” she said softly back.

Dougie seemed to hesitate slightly, before his face became determined. She didn’t have time to ask him what was wrong before he leant down and pressed his lips to hers in a firm kiss. Ashley whimpered softly into his mouth, earning a soft noise back, and it was all she could do to clutch at his sweater. Holy shit. This was just as incredible and sweet as she remembered from last night. Wow. Dougie cupped her face with his free hand, thumb brushing over her cheekbone as he slowed the kiss down to a few gentle pecks, before he pulled away with a smile. Ashley just smiled back up at him, a little overwhelmed in the best way. Wow.

“Coffee shop?” he said.

“Yeah, if that’s alright,” she nodded.

He understood her routines. And he didn’t care that she wanted to stick to them. How could she not appreciate that?

Dougie just nodded in response, smiling as he sat down at her kitchen table, taking a sip of the juice she’d given him. “I wouldn’t mind changing out of last night’s clothes though. Not really my vibe,” he teased.

Ashley giggled, understanding perfectly. It wasn’t her vibe either.

“I could drive you over to yours, to get a change of clothes, and then we could head to Storm Surge together?” she suggested.

“Yeah? You want to walk in together like that?” Dougie asked, a little hopeful.

Holy shit, that would be one hell of a declaration. But…

“Yeah, I want that,” she nodded.

The grin that spread across Dougie’s face made the butterflies in her stomach worth it.

“Let me just put on some mascara and lipstick, and we can go?”

“Sure, whatever you want,” Dougie smiled.

Now that was a dangerous thought.

All too soon, Ashley was parked down the street from the coffee shop. She took a deep breath, Dougie sending her an encouraging smile, before she steeled herself and got out of the car. This was nervewracking. Storm Surge was her home away from home, her safe space, her comfort, and now she was completely changing the status quo. But as Dougie walked to her side, smiling down at her with such hope in his eyes, she knew it was worth it. He was worth it.

“Ready?” Dougie asked, holding out his hand.

Holy shit. Bring it on.

Ashley smiled up at him, taking his hand in hers, embracing the butterflies that came with the warmth of his grasp. They walked to the coffee shop together, Dougie squeezing her hand gently as she opened the door and walked through.

“Ashley! And…Dougie?”

Andrei’s gasp made her blush, Dougie just laughing. Then Andrei’s face broke into a huge grin, and he spun around.

“Marty! It’s happened! It’s finally happened!” Andrei yelled into the back of the shop.

What the hell?

A door slammed open in the back, and then Marty came barrelling out. He took one look at them holding hands before punching his fist in the air.

“LET’S GOOOO!”

Ashley flinched at Marty’s loud voice, but couldn’t help but giggle when he bounded over to Andrei, swinging an arm over his shoulders.

“Finally! Do you know how long we’ve been rooting for you two?” Marty beamed.

Oh god. Ashley blushed furiously, as did Dougie, and she couldn’t help but laugh. “Was I that obvious?” Ashley asked shyly.

“Both of you were. It was so frustrating but so sweet,” Marty shrugged, Andrei nodding enthusiastically in agreement. “We just hoped you guys would take a chance,”

Take a chance. Hah. That’s definitely a good way to describe it. And he was so worth taking a chance on. Dougie smiled fondly down at her, before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

“Well I’d say our second date went pretty well,” Dougie said softly, squeezing her hand.

Ashley smiled back, nudging him with her shoulder, earning coos from Marty and Andrei.

“Okay, you two are giving me cavities,” Marty said cheerfully, not even slightly annoyed, “Coffee and anything you want to eat, on the house. I need to tell Slavs – he’s going to be thrilled!”

Ashley just giggled, leaning into Dougie’s body as she looked over the cakes and pastries on display. Being with Dougie, this fledgling relationship, was scary – but it was also so exciting. She couldn’t wait to see what happened next. This was the start of something amazing, she just knew it.

[alwaysmychoices]

Hey, would you consider writing number 12 from the prompt (things you said when you thought I was asleep or something like that) for Ethan and Charlie, please? Thank you!

I got a few of these, so I’m actually writing another one from Ethan’s POV that I’ll post later. But for now, I hope you enjoy this short fic.

things you said prompt list

A Whisper in a Silent Night

Synopsis: In the early, uncommitted days of their relationship, Charlie makes a bold confession because thinks Ethan is asleep...

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlie)

Words: 1k

Rating: PG

It was late – too late to be awake.

Charlie stared at the ceiling, silently begging to be lulled back to sleep. Not even the most desperate of pleas seemed to work.

She passively looked to her phone on the bedside table next to her. It told her it was already three am. Her alarm was set for six.

Then, she looked to her side – to Ethan.

He slept peacefully. She found that, when she slept in his bed, he often slept well. In the morning, he seemed more rested when he offered her coffee. He was even nicer during rounds.

Secretly, Charlie credited herself with Ethan’s apparent improvement. She never asked, of course. She didn’t even dare comment on it. Still, she liked to think of it as proof that she made him happy. She felt silly for treasuring it, maybe even a little juvenile.

Ethan Ramsey often made her feel silly.

It wasn’t on purpose. He wasn’t even aware he was doing it. He thought he was doing quite the opposite, actually. He valued her as a doctor and took the necessary steps to bolster her confidence with bigger and better cases. Privately, he encouraged his colleagues to select her for their cases as well, bragging about her intelligence and capability. More than once, he told Naveen that she would soon surpass him in accomplishments and expertise.

He was proud of Charlie.

But that wasn’t how he made her feel silly.

No, she never felt disrespected or disregarded professionally. He never doubted or undermined her. He respected her, and she knew it.

No…

It was the way he smiled at her – those rare, private smiles where his eyes lifted and warmed. And the way he put his hand on the small of her back when he walked with her. And how his hand brushed against hers when he brought her a cup of coffee in the morning.

Those moments made Charlie’s world stop turning. Her heart stopped, and her face flushed. There was this feeling in her chest that, no matter how hard she tried, she could never really describe. It was… warmth and expansion and affection and…

Whatever it was, Charlie spent the last month trying to understand it.

It only came with Ethan. It only came when they were together.

She said she didn’t know what it was.

But she did.

Right now, as she looked at him sleeping beside her, she knew exactly what it was.

Charlie shifted on her side so that she could look at him better. The bedroom was dim, but there was just enough light for Charlie to distinguish the strength of his features. The lines between his eyebrows – which she affectionately deemed his worry lines – settled when he was sleeping. He was peaceful. He was vulnerable.

It almost felt wrong to look at him like this.

She didn’t know if she had the right.

Everything between them was so messy and undefined. Even these last few weeks – these perfect, wonderful weeks – were marred with trepidation. Charlie was too afraid to ask for a label. She worried it would ruin everything and that this delicately balanced relationship required ambiguity to survive.

Charlie wasn’t his girlfriend, but she was the one to share his bed. She helped him cook in his apartment, and she knew his morning coffee order. She sobbed in his arms on her deathbed, and he held her all night.

She was something. She just didn’t know what it was.

She wasn’t sure if Ethan knew either or if he could tell her if he did. She didn’t even know if he thought about it. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe this uncertain dynamic was enough for him. Maybe he looked at her and hoped they could stay like this – free from complications and drama.

Maybe he didn’t really think of her…

There was horrible fear in the back of her mind that this whole thing was one-sided and unrequited.

She told herself that she avoided these conversations out of respect for Ethan and his past. He spent nearly four decades avoiding commitment. He was still working through trauma, and she didn’t want to rush him. She couldn’t expect him to change everything overnight. He was never going to be the man making grand declarations on the third date. She knew that, and she picked him anyway.

Because she knew what that feeling in her chest was.

It was love.

She loved Ethan.

She didn’t mean to. She didn’t even want to!

She wanted to be the girl casually slipping into his life, unencumbered by strong emotions. She wanted to remain unbothered by the ambiguity. She wanted to just enjoy the moment.

But she didn’t.

Because almost every night, there was a moment where she wanted to say it.

She always stopped herself just in time. Just before she could make some unwarranted proclamation, she reigned herself in and changed the subject to something safe.

But she still wanted to say it.

So, so much.

Finally, she did.

“I love you,” Charlie whispered quietly into the silent night.

Ethan stirred slightly, and Charlie’s face twisted into pure panic. She watched in horror for any further signs that he had woken up.

But his eyes were still closed. His breaths were even. His expression hadn’t changed at all.

He’s asleep, Charlie decided with relief.

Charlie took a rough, deep breath to settle herself and ease the anxiety building in her chest. He hadn’t heard her. She hadn’t ruined anything.

When she felt calm enough, she looked back in his direction, and this time, she felt… peace. Like, until now, those three words had been weighing heavily on her heart and were suddenly gone. She was free. She didn’t need to fear them anymore.

Charlie moved closer to Ethan, pulling his free arm around her, and she relaxed into his side. Only a few minutes later, she found sleep again.

But Ethan?

Ethan was awake.

He cautiously opened his eyes and surveyed the woman in his arms. She was peaceful, more so than he’d ever seen her be. And she loved him.

Ethan wondered if he’d even heard her correctly.

He was still half-asleep then. Maybe he’d imagined the whole thing.

Deep down, he knew he hadn’t. He knew she said it. And most dangerous of all, he knew he loved her, too.

Tag List:

@schnitzelbutterfingers @curiousconch @starrystarrytrouble @jessirosebud @lucy-268 @aestheticartsx @eramsey28 @macy-ray85 @octobereighth @queencarb @claredal424 @mercury84choices @drariellevalentine @wonderwithrobin @honeyandsunfl0wers @iemcpbchoices @queenbirbs @stateofgracious @kalogh @paulfwesley @canigetanawwjunk @blossomanarchy @lion-ess24 @hopefulmoonobject @caroldxnvxrs @senseofduties @chasingrobbie @rookieoh @delaytheinevitable @mooons-isabelle @rookie-ramsey @thegreentwin @lifeaskim

[panelshowsource]

it's been a long quarantine, hasn't it? in a way i feel guilty because of all and any times, this long downtime is when i could have been most useful to everyone. i guess i was focusing on my own coping. it's been quite uneventful for me — i have been healthy and have steady employment that takes good care of me. in fact, i've been watching a lot of korean panel shows! of all the of the international panel show cultures i've explored, theirs has certainly been the most provocative and engaging after the british. i can put together some recommendations sometime :) i feel sorry to have fallen behind a series or so on some of my favourite british panel shows, but i'm catching up swiftly! i'll make sure to make lots of gifs for you guys ❤️

s04e04!

for anyone who has yet to read alan davies' novel just ignore him, i would recommend the following cw for child abuse and sexual abuse, and please keep in mind graphic elements aside, the foundation of the novel is dark and disturbing. of course, it's part of a greater narrative that is at times very funny and indeed very touching, but it's not light reading like one of susie dent's novels. feel free to send in any of your thoughts! i'll make a post about my own soon~

no sorry anon! it was initially scheduled for september, so let's hope to see release teasers in the next two weeks or so. doesn't look like alex has posted any updates yet...

it's from her ept win in 2006 :)

yes, i loved gossipmongers and am a huge fan of joe wilkinson — which you guys know, and i wouldn't want anyone to get the impression i'm deaf to criticism of him (i have been quite the opposite in the past with acaster, for example). i watched this video about the situation, which was quite good, and he made a great point that we really don't know much about the situation and are left with an almost endless number of questions: why did they feel it necessary to effectively end their friendships (that we don't know the history or depth of, to be fair) with poppy? did they really feel she was detrimental to the show? if so, then why not simply end the podcast and begin a new one with just the two blokes? if i had to guess — and this is where i hope you don't mistake me for being a joe wilkinson apologist — i would say joe and david go way back (example) and poppy and david go way back (as mentioned in the video i linked before, they've been friends since 2012), but joe and poppy don't necessarily go way back. as friends, professional colleagues, or both. perhaps it didn't feel particularly ruthless, to joe, to cut her off in a "professional" manner, i.e. through their agents, if he was unhappy with the creative dynamic of the podcast. he is the most show biz of the three of them, when you think about it. david, on the other hand...yikes... i wish i had a better answer for you then "we don't know what happened and all we can do is trust events unfolded in a more or less fair way based on a set of personal details we are not privy to", but i don't... if you feel disappointed, that is very fair. seems like there was definitely um messy miscommunication at best :(

p.s. i will be adding all 4 seasons to the masterpost soon!

i deserve that tbh

ok hear me out a feel special fancam but it's tim key x bo burnham sexual tension

[dadukos-arc]

𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 : 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

ssso, i’m pretty desperate for new threads / dynamics and i figured a good way to get interactions started was compiling a wishlist of sorts — so below the cut you’ll find a list of connections i could see for fred in most verses, to hopefully make plotting easier and start some meaningful dynamics. take a look and leave a like if anything interests you, and i’ll hit you up asap ♥

MAIN VERSE —

PREQUEL ARC and ARC FIVE  /   texas. 

( please note this arc involves a lot of triggering topics ).

CRIMINALS who are part of, or involved, with victor’s operation. they could be allies of fred, friends, or antagonists. CRIMINALS of any kind who might help her take down victor in ARC FIVE.  SEX WORKERS who are her ‘ colleagues ’ and she can bond with over time. FRIENDS OF JIMMY’S or family, people who may come and go through the house and who could know her more or less intimately. OLD FRIENDS from school or the town in general.  any other connection you may think of in a crime setting is more than welcome ! 

ARCS ONE, TWO and THREE   /   california.

FRIENDS of all sorts, people of ashford ( i’ll gladly give background on the town if you need any ! ). she needs girlfriends for wild nights out, she needs mom friends who’ll call her out on her bullshit when she’s not really taking care of herself, she needs people who genuinely give a crap. STREET-LEVEL CRIMINALS are still welcome since ashford isn’t exactly the most morally upstanding town, and fred has always found herself more comfortable around thieves and crooks. COLLEAGUES, bartenders and cooks at the bar are always super welcome! NEIGHBORS, hers is a big apartment building and she’s a friendly annoying neighbor.

ARC FOUR   /   kansas.

this arc is pretty sad and she tends to keep to herself / avoid people at all costs, but i’d still love for her to form meaningful connections while she feels like all hope is lost. i’m leaving this pretty open, i haven’t figured out yet what she’ll be doing other than being heartbroken.

HOLLYWOOD VERSE —

MOVIE INDUSTRY PEOPLE of all sorts, including fellow actors, directors, make up crews, writers, anything you could think of — she will have grown fond of them, latched onto them even as the industry consumed her more and more, and now that she’s just returning to the scene it might be nice to reconnect! DEALERS AND/OR PARTY PEOPLE who could’ve played a bit into her chaotic post-hollywood years. these would be mostly ‘ toxic ’ interactions as fred was rather erratic for the two years after disappearing from the scene, definitely self-destructive and overall messy. WRITERS AND PRODUCERS she might have worked with, might have planned movies with, etc etc — again, all of this before disappearing.

IN ANOTHER LIFE VERSE —

COWORKERS AT THE HOSPITAL, especially nurses she might get along with, or be competing with. basically let me relive my old obsession with grey’s anatomy, thanks.  FRIENDS, maybe even parents of her kids’ friends, just people she can have a social life with, now and then.

IMMORTAL VERSE —

fides has lived a long, long life so if your character has a historical verse of any kind, we might find a way for them to meet and interact. her travels have mostly focused in europe, the middle east and, for one or two centuries, north america, although her main headquarters are in england, ireland and italy. she’s been a healer / medic for most of her life, and became an army medic towards the beginning of the 20th century, so that’s a possible scenario for connections as well!

SUPERNATURAL VERSE —

STAFF of the hotel in which she’s trapped: she can’t leave so they would know her quite well, might have become her friends, her family even. OTHER SUPERNATURALS of any kind, either that she might look to for advice and support or that might be antagonists of any kind.  OLD FRIENDS from her life before she got trapped.

SUPERHERO I —

ALLIES in her vigilante operations — security guys, hackers, thieves and anyone who might help her get her hands on shitty men and women. OTHER SUPERPOWERED PEOPLE who maybe think she’s a bit of a villain bc wouldn’t that be sexie. A GOOD NURSE FRIEND to look after her bc girl’s gonna get burnt af.  VILLAINS.... give me villains ... villains to fight her villains to manipulate her villains .... 

[voiceless-terror]

Proficient in PowerPoint (The Magnus Archives)

Summary:

“Why are there so many animations?” Jon tapped his foot impatiently through the unnecessarily arduous process of getting to the next page. “I’m not a child. This is for Elias, not a primary school.”

“I thought they looked nice…” Martin said softly, shuffling his feet. “I can take them out, if you’d like-”

“They’re wonderful Martin, don’t listen to him."

Jon has to make a presentation for Elias. Sasha, Tim, and Martin help, with dubious results.

“It’s standard procedure, Jon. Every new department head does a presentation.”   “But I-” Jon left off with a sigh. Being called up to his boss’s office at the beginning of the day to be informed that he would be making a presentation to all of his intimidating colleagues (and superiors, if he were being honest) was not the way Jon wanted to start his Monday. Besides, what was he going to say? How could he explain this mess of an Archive that was currently under his command? That he didn’t really know what an Archivist did, and that when he googled the position it didn’t seem anything like what Elias had described? He might as well get in front of the room, announce his resignation and go home. Somedays this felt like the best course of action.

 He’d heard the whispers following the email announcing his promotion to Head Archivist.  “Him?”  was said more than once. A few scoffs, a few appraising eyes from the other department heads who were all at least a decade older than him. Even Sasha and Tim had given him a sort of silent treatment, only speaking to him in short sentences and one-word answers in the weeks that immediately followed.

Elias seemed to sense his unease. “It doesn’t have to be long. Just a rundown, a simple assessment of the Archives as they are and what you plan on implementing during your tenure. Perhaps a little about you and your team. Introduce yourself. Everyone’s eager to learn a bit more about you.” Jon very much doubted that.

 “Well the Archives, in my “assessment,” are currently a mess.” His candor was not appreciated. Elias was not amused.

 “A mess that you’re going to fix,” Elias gave him a withering glance. “I assumed you could handle this, but if that’s not the case-”

 “No, I-” He sighed again, the only sound he was capable of making. “Al-Alright. You said it was this Friday, correct?”

 “Yes!” Elias gave him a brief smile and ushered him out of the door with a hand on his shoulder, signaling the conversation was over. “Let me know if you have any issues. Not that you will, of course.”  Of course.

 The door shut behind him and Rosie gave him a sympathetic look from her seat. “You hang in there, alright? You’ll do just fine.” Either Jon looked that pathetic, or Rosie truly did eavesdrop on every conversation.

 Perhaps a bit of both.

 __________

 It was Wednesday evening and Jon was staring at a blank screen.

 Everyone else was packing up for the day while he sat in his chair, stewing over what words to write. He should be recording statements like Elias  wanted, not putting together some bureaucratic nonsense so the others could ‘get to know him and his plans.’ He didn’t really have a plan for the Archives besides digitization, and even that was going disastrously. Should he even mention the tapes? He’d likely be met with scorn and laughter. Elias may find them promising, but anyone who took one look at their equipment said otherwise. Google told him that he should share fun facts about the team but that seemed highly unprofessional. Who cared that he liked to watch documentaries in what little spare time he had? Instead, he’d written a very bare-bones outline of what he’d like to say but for some reason typing it out was impossible. The only thing he’d managed to get was a layout and font in neutral, unobtrusive colors. This was very important to him. 

 “Still stuck on the presentation, Jon?”

 Sasha was leaning against the doorway with a gentle smile on her face. She knew how hard it was for Jon to get his thoughts together sometimes and was always a sympathetic ear when it got particularly bad. She seemed to have finally settled into her role (whatever that may be) and was talking to him more and more. Though no one in the department had any experience in archiving, Sasha at least had more concrete ideas.

 “Yes, I’m just-” he sighed, taking his glasses off and rubbing his temples to ward off the approaching headache. “I’ve got no idea what he wants. What is a ‘rundown’ and how can I have one with the Archives like...this?” He gestured to his mess of an office, currently drowning in paper and cardboard boxes.

 “Well, what do you have so far?” Jon grimaced and handed over his notebook, filled with messy scribbles and half-finished ideas. Sasha skimmed it and made a few promising noises; Jon hated the part of himself that sought her approval. She finished and looked up with a grin. “How about you let me have a go at it? You know I love this sort of thing, and then you’ll have some time to record that statement tomorrow, hm?”

 “I-really? Would that be okay? I don’t want you to have to- I mean, it’s my job.”

 “I’m your assistant, Jon,” she interrupted with a placating hand. “So let me assist you!” Her offer seemed very genuine. Jon was loath to ask for help or admit to trouble even in the best of cases, but Sasha had a way of wearing him down with one well-placed smile. He decided to take the hand offered. 

 “Thank you, Sasha. Really.” He leaned back in his chair and gave her a grateful smile, glad for any progress made on the project.

 “And it’s no problem. Really.” She tucked his notebook into her bag and gave a cheerful nod.  “I’ll show you what we come up with!”

  ______

Jon yawned into his fist for the fourth time in an hour. The Amy Patel statement wouldn’t record on the computer so unfortunately he brought out the tape recorder. For some reason every time he recorded to tape he came away exhausted and anxious, unsettled by the words he spoke. Luckily he managed to get to the follow up recorded without too many interruptions- usually one of his assistants would come banging on the door and he’d be forced to start over for the sake of professionalism. 

 “Knock knock!” 

  Speak of the devil.  Tim grinned at him from the doorway, Martin standing close behind him.

 “Yes?” he asked shortly, straightening the files on his desk. “Do you need something?”

 “Your presentation, as requested!” Tim bestowed upon him a flash drive with much pomp and circumstance. “You’re welcome.”

 “Oh! Er, I thought I gave that to Sasha?” He looked in surprise at the device before him. He wasn’t expecting them to actually finish everything- he also wasn’t expecting anyone but Sasha to help him out. If Tim and Martin helped out as well... “I’ll uh, check it out in a few moments, thank you.

 “But I want to show you now, boss!” Tim’s voice reached the whiny pitch that he knew Jon loathed. He sighed however, and plugged it in. After a few moments a window popped open, with a file labeled  Jonny’s First Work Presentation.  He rolled his eyes while Tim snickered.  I’ll need to change that before the meeting…

 The file looked...hellish, to say the least. Jon spied on the first few slides a strange and ugly gradient background that faded from bright green to black, along with garish rainbow WordArt. He was almost afraid to click on anything, lest it blind him or inspire a seizure.

 “It’s really best viewed in slideshow mode,” Tim nudged Jon’s hand out of the way and made it so, the full screen now proudly showing the title page-  Jonathan Sims’ New and Improved Archives!!   Martin and Tim leaned in over his shoulder, the latter clearly excited to showcase his work.  That’s never good.

 “That’s far too many exclamation points, Tim.”

 “There are never enough exclamation points, Jon.”

 The next slide came in with a sort of shutter effect that did nothing to minimize the horrendous resizing done on the Magnus Institute logo, which had been stretched to fit almost the entire page and was unrecognizable due to pixilation. Jon gritted his teeth. “This is unnecessary.”

 “Wow, everyone’s a critic,” Tim rolled his eyes.

 “I-I can probably find a logo with better resolution,” Martin offered timidly. Jon had almost forgotten he was in the room. 

 The next pages were not much better- the Oxford English Dictionary’s definition of ‘archive,’ the audio pronunciation for it had a page to itself. There were several collages of books and artifacts (these looked handmade, as if someone had copy and pasted several finds from google images). Jon felt his anger grow with each laborious click. Was this someone’s idea of a joke? Where was Sasha? “Is there anything of actual substance in this?” he asked, huffing as the current slide disintegrated out of view in a dramatic fashion.

 “God, so impatient! We’re building up to it.” A few more clicks. They got to a page covered with cartoon ghosts and nothing else. “Watch this!” With a click the ghosts all flew away, a clunky piece of animation that revealed  Jonathan Sims’ Plan of ATTACK!!

 “I did that one,” Martin announced in his ear with not a little pride.

 The ‘plan of attack’ included bullet points (which were also little ghosts) regarding the new digitization and accessibility project in clear, cogent prose which must have been the work of Sasha. The rest, however- random paragraphs about ‘synergy’ and ‘dynamic team players’- was clearly unsalvageable and designed to make him the laughing stock of the institute. 

 “I can’t...this is unusable, Tim!”

 “Keep reading! There’s good content there. God, there’s no accounting for taste these days, is there Martin?” Martin did not answer. What could Martin have said? Each page was worse than the last- the current slide had only a picture of what looked to be an ancient Egyptian scroll and nothing else.

 “This is the definition of unusable.”

 “No it’s not!” Tim argued though he was on the verge of laughter. He was smiling, clearly enjoying the entire scenario. “Look, I even put a ‘Meet the Team’ section-” He clicked through the slides, each piece of text gliding across the screen in an obnoxious star pattern. 

 “Why are there so many animations?” Jon tapped his foot impatiently through the unnecessarily arduous process of getting to the next page. “I’m not a child. This is for Elias, not a primary school.”

 “I thought they looked nice…” Martin said softly, shuffling his feet. “I can take them out, if you’d like-”

 “They’re wonderful Martin, don’t listen to him,” Tim had finally reached the first slide of his ‘Meet the Team’ section. Instead of starting with Jon it began with an incredibly large photo of Tim, smiling and winking at the camera.  Naturally.

 “Tim Stoker: A Gentleman and a Scholar,” Jon read aloud. “I’m not saying that. And shouldn’t we be starting with me? I ask for one thing-”

 “I saved the best for last, of course! Martin, you’ll  love this,” Tim began frantically clicking through animations, taking a full minute to get to Jon’s slide. “Ta-da!”

  Jonathan Sims: The Man, the Myth, the Legendary Archivist

 It was a picture of Jon from a happy hour years ago, smiling broadly with half-lidded eyes and sprawled across the bar in a state of disarray. He had a vague memory of Sasha snapping the photo before he fell to the ground and vomited everything he drank.  No no no no  - he attempted to slam down the laptop screen before Martin could see but the damage was done. The man was red and stuttering, clearly embarrassed for Jon. He took a deep breath, attempting to calm down. He contemplated his options- double homicide or self-immolation. Both seemed equally appealing in the moment. 

 “Please leave,” he fumed, his own face a tomato red as he stared at the floor. “Now.”

 “Aw boss, don’t be like that-”

  “Now!”  Two sets of footsteps scurried from the room as Jon threw his head into his hands.

 He had quite a bit of work to do.

 _____________

 Of course he scrapped almost all of it, keeping only the informative parts that Sasha had written.  This is why you should do things yourself. ‘Assist’ my ass. 

 Jon had kept the door closed for the rest of the afternoon, ignoring both the plaintive apologies from Tim and Martin and Sasha’s insistent knocking. He wanted to blame her for letting the other two get involved, wanted to yell and stamp and maybe throw a thing or two. But it was  his  job. He shouldn’t have left it all to them.  Lazy, incompetent, his mind raged but the words were aimed at himself. Perhaps that’s why they sabotaged the slideshow, to tell him they weren’t going to do his dirty work. Hazing the new boss.  Did they realize how important this was to him? Did they even care? He already looked like a fool- why not double down on it?

 He took the ‘Meet the Team’ page down, his fingers angrily punched the ‘delete’ key for every picture and turned it into one slide with only their names and positions.  That’s all they need to know, really.  He managed to throw together a few slides on a new organizational system and something about research follow up, but it all rang false and hollow- any academic would see right through this bullshit attempt. Even the digitization slides seemed trite- why was this his first order of business?  What the hell are you doing?

 It was late into the night when he finally finished, though the presentation was nowhere near what he wanted it to be. The clock informed him it was only ten though, so he still had some time before the last train. He was just going to rest his eyes for a minute and then he’d get up and go.  Just a minute...

  ____________

And then it was tomorrow.

 Fuck.  Fuck! 

 Jon woke up with his head pillowed in his arms and his back almost completely immobile. He squinted at the clock-  7:00 AM. He tripped down the hallway and into the bathroom to freshen up, splashing cold water on his face and cursing under his breath. How embarrassing to be caught in yesterday’s clothes- if he switched out his sweater vest for a blazer, they might not notice. His wardrobe was nothing if not consistent and boring. His hair tamed into some semblance of neatness, Jon went on to his next stop, the break room for a cup of coffee and then finally, back to his office to survey the finished product and perhaps do a few run-throughs.

 He settled in his seat and pressed the power button to coax his laptop out of sleep. The clock on the wall ticked a steady, droning rhythm that somewhat calmed his racing heart and he took a sip of coffee, savoring the bitter flavor. His eyes flickered down to the screen- still black. He pressed it again. Nothing. He looked to the side of the computer, noticing the lack of power cord.  Oh, it’s not plugged in. That’ll do it. He solved that problem quickly and tried again.  

 Again, nothing. He pushed it harder, hurting his finger with the intensity behind it. The screen remained black.

 It was then that Jonathan Sims screamed.

 _____________

It was nine in the morning and he still had no idea what to do. No amount of coaxing, either through nice words or obscenities had managed to wake it up. He removed the battery and put it back in. He prayed to several gods, none of which he believed in. He kicked the desk and promptly fell to the ground, screaming in pain. IT didn’t come in until ten, and his meeting was at nine-thirty. He was well and truly fucked.

 But then he heard footsteps coming down the hall and he dashed to meet them, hoping it was the person he needed. And it was.

 “Sasha!” he panted, taking in heaving, gulping breaths. “Help!”

 “Oh God Jon, is this one of your asthma attacks? Do you have your inhaler?” Her eyes widened and her hands fluttered nervously. ‘I’ve told you-”

 “No,” he grabbed her by the shoulders, feeling more unhinged by the moment. “I-I lost it. The PowerPoint. My laptop won’t turn on, and-”

 “Breathe, Jon! That’s no trouble at all. I can get into your drive, no worries!” she said, pushing him into a chair and booting up her laptop. Jon put a hand to his chest, attempting to follow her advice.  See, it’s fine!  “Where did you save it? On your ShareDrive or on the general Archives one? I’ll need your credentials if it’s the former.”

 His heart dropped.  No no no no. He’d done the one thing Sasha had always warned him against.  “I-I saved it to the desktop…”

 “Oh Jon.”

 And that's when he spiraled. He was going to have to walk into that meeting, hands empty, and face the firing squad. Elias will know he should have never hired him and everyone there will nod and agree that the stupid boy who couldn’t do one simple task does not belong at the table with the rest of him and Jon will be sent on his way, back to research if he’s lucky or fired if he’s not and he can’t do one fucking thing right-

 “Jon. Jon!”  Sasha had a hand on his shoulder, firm and grounding. “Fucking  breathe. It’s fine, you’re fine! Here.” She slipped the flash drive from yesterday into his hand and he groaned, attempting to pass it back

 “I can’t use that one, you know I can’t-”

 “No, this one’s different, I promise,” She grabbed his chin, forcing him to meet her eyes. “I tried to tell you yesterday- I’m sorry about all of that. It wasn’t funny. We fixed it.” She seemed honest, sincere. But Jon was still hesitant, taking in shaking breaths.

 “This isn’t a joke?”

 “I swear. Here, use my laptop.” She passed it over and Jon paused, considering his options, which were few.

 So Jon took the flash drive and laptop and left, ignoring Martin’s greetings as he brushed by him on his way up to the conference room.  Here goes.

 _____________

 “Erm, h-hello,” Jon coughed, clearing his throat. “I’m Jonathan Sims, the new Head Archivist, as Elias...already said, I guess.” He let out a nervous laugh which no one returned. Elias nodded, urging him to go on.

 Jon had made his way to the room with fifteen minutes to spare, giving him some time to boot up the computer and load the presentation. A quick, nervous glance let him know that it was much changed- at least the first few slides. He shook hands with each department head as they came in, trying to see which of their smiles and congratulations were sincere. The answer? Very few. This was not comforting. 

 His hands shook as he clicked his way to the first slide, his heart pounded in his chest to reveal-

  Bringing the Archives into the 21st Century- A Plan for Updating and Digitizing the Institute's Statements

  Well that’s not bad at all.

 He began to speak, his voice gaining clarity and confidence with every sentence. The presentation was lovely- incorporating his preferred neutral color scheme, a great improvement on the nauseating colors of before. The animations were minimal and sleek, making the transitions meld seamlessly from slide to slide. There was a bit introducing Gertrude’s past work and a dig at her filing system that earned him a laugh. There were new slides regarding the preservation of documents, a new organizational structure, the introduction of a database. All ideas they’d briefly spoken about before committing themselves fully to the digitization process as Elias instructed. Everything was written in his favored academic tone- so natural that Jon found himself speaking extemporaneously on the slides he felt more comfortable with. It was all met with approving nods and a studious gaze from Elias that Jon couldn’t parse. There was also no mention of the tapes.

 The dreaded ‘Meet the Team’ section had been heavily reworked- each one of them had the headshot from their IDs (poor Martin had his eyes closed) and a mention of which department they’d transferred from, along with their credentials. It was professional and informative, everything Jon had wanted it to be. Sasha had outdone herself.  Sasha should be the one making this presentation. 

 He tried to ignore the guilt settling in his chest, even as he smiled back at the approval from the academics he so desperately craved. He clicked to the last slide, which had their contact information and-  oh. It was a picture taken from his birthday a few weeks back, where they all looked fairly presentable and were smiling, no idea of the task ahead of them. Elias was there too; Rosie had taken the picture at Tim’s insistence. His audience tittered, though it seemed to be in good humor rather than mocking.

 “Ah, yes. Th-Thank you for your time.” He quickly turned it off and stared at the ground, his face warm with both embarrassment and a creeping sense of belonging that he didn’t know what to do with. He was startled when a small round of applause began and he looked up with wide eyes to find a smiling audience. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Elias nod and smile as well and he finally felt the sense of accomplishment he’d longed for since the start of his promotion.  

 The room cleared rather quickly (no one really wanted to be in a Friday meeting, after all) but Jon was stopped by a tall, smiling woman he had only seen in passing. “Sonya from Artefact Storage,” she reminded him, shaking his hand again and giving him a warm smile. “I’m looking forward to talking to you more about that database. I was always telling Gertrude she needed one, but of course she never listened to me. Stubborn to the end!” He could only stutter, too overwhelmed to formulate a proper response. A hand reached out to his shoulder.

 “That was nicely done, Archivist.” For some reason the title made Jon feel odd, like he was having an honor bestowed that he had not yet earned. Elias wasn’t that much taller than him, but he always seemed to loom over Jon. “Quite the presentation. Lots of...ideas. But I must stress the importance of getting the statements-”

 “On tape, yes, yes,” Jon said, quick to agree. “I just thought, er- I should let them know some of our other objectives, as well?”  Seems like Sasha wanted to, at least.

 “As long as you don’t forget yours,” A pointed glance. Jon gulped nervously, shoving a hand in his pocket. “Still, a good job all around. That Sasha of yours seems like a good asset. Enjoy your weekend.”

 Jon froze in the doorway. Did he know?  Of course not, don’t be silly.  He shook his head and left the room. Well, at least that’s over with.

 ____________

 “Did it go alright?” Sasha asked immediately upon his entrance. He managed a self-deprecating smile. 

 “Surprisingly, yes. That was-  thank you, I guess.”

 “No trouble at all,” Tim jumped out from the break room, throwing an arm around his shoulder. “Always knew you had it in you. A consummate performer, I was telling our Martin-”

  “Tim!”  He scowled and tried in vain to shove him away, still irritated by his presence.

 “Seriously, though. Sorry about all of that before. Just trying to lighten the mood, I swear we wouldn’t have actually left you with that-”

 “It’s- It’s fine,” Jon sighed, reluctantly giving in to Tim’s insistent affection. “Well, not really, but it turned out alright in the end.” Sasha gave an encouraging grin.

 “Did you like the photo?” Martin asked anxiously, hovering in the corner of the room. Jon paused. He considered telling him no, that he would have never put it in there himself and considered it rather unprofessional on the whole, but one look at Martin’s face told him that was the wrong move.

 “Yes, Martin,” he said, summoning up the equivalent of a smile. “I liked the photo.”

ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27142390

[booksandwords]

Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall

Read Time: 3 Days Rating: 4/5

The quote: "Oh Luc"—she gazed at me in disappointment—"you are so narrow-minded. Judy is my best friend. And when you have lived the kind of life have, you realise that the big sexy love is not the kind that really matters. Besides, I'm an older French lady If I want to get laid, I can." "Please stop. Just stop." "You were the one who wanted to know if you grew up in a secret lesbian fuck palace" — Oldie and Lucian O'Connell

Warnings: emotional abuse and some casually presented homophobia

I quite enjoyed this. I have always been a fan of the fake dating trope in fiction, the enemies-to-lovers with a twist helped too. The characters are wonderful and feel so, so real. They are human and flawed and don't behave in a way that is truly outrageous. The leading men Luc and Oliver are the sorts of complementary messed up people that you want them to work out. I will warn people though there are some moments of emotional abuse and some casually presented homophobia. This is directed at one of the protagonists (but not by the other protagonist). My sole complaint is in the ending. It ends in a really odd place. Like the author either wasn't entirely sure how to end it or maybe intended to write an epilogue and never got around to it.

It is worth noting that this is written in a single perspective, Luc's. At 28 Lucian O'Connell has lived his life in the spotlight, the son a reclusive songstress and a has-been from the 80s. It has taken a toll on his ability to cope with well everything. He works as a fundraiser for an obscure charity. Oliver Blackwell is a defence barrister. He's a vegetarian and an idealist. He comes across as cold and almost pretentiously intelligent at times. His family was more average than Luc's.  We are never in Oliver's head. They are both in need of partners in the short term. Luc needs to clean up his image to regain the respect and finances of high-end doners, Oliver needs a date for his parents' wedding anniversary. Luc is coded as gay, that is how he identifies. Oliver also identifies as gay, but if one wants to read it as such he could be read as a gay demiromantic of a form. Their relationship is set up by a mutual friend the slightly chaotic Bridget. The relationship is messy and in constant flux which is effective. The milestones in the relationship are not triggered by the moments I would have necessarily expected. There is a bigger focus on intimacy into a romantic connection rather than a sexual connection.

The support characters are made up of the work colleagues, friends and family of Luc and some of Oliver's connections. Each group has a totally different feel. Even Bridget who crosses between two groups while having the same character in both is different dynamically. Bridget is a maelstrom personified. But she is the best friend a person could ask for, she is loyal and will have an extended conversation at 2 am because of a personal crisis. I adored her. Miffy and Alex are just bizarre, I couldn't follow their thoughts most of the time. As is the point, they are shall we say unique. Oldie is Luc's mother a popular singer in the 80s she now lives in the town she raised Luc in really talking only to her best friend. Half French, half Irish she is hilarious. Due to her upbringing, speaking Gaelic and French, she sometimes struggles with her tenses and word choices. But other than that she is is funny anyway. The best minor cameo is undoubtedly Mia, she is so endearing. Not saying anything else because spoilers. All the characters feel distinct. Which is appealing in a book.

The random a note dump of randomness.

One of the recurring words is verisimilitude which I had never heard. The meaning: "the appearance or semblance of truth; likelihood; probability"

Some pop culture references the tumblr blog exists (but is not used for what it should be), Welcome to Nightvale, A Song of Achilles.

The term enfolding is such a visual word for a hug from behind.

"A lifetime of manipulating bullshit had taught me how exactly how I was supposed to behave here. I was allowed a brief flash of anger, then I'd cry, then he'd cry, then we'd hug, then the camera would pan out and all would be forgiven." (Lucian O'Connell, p73) — This is just a fantastic point we are all heavily manipulated by the media we consume.

Omg the ongoing Dick pic joke. It's unexpected and so good.

Luc and Oliver's first time is so well time and so well written. So much is felt to the imagination, as is only right. And Luc's take on it is perfect. But I think their first kiss may have been even better.

"Probably the most impressive thing I'd seen Oliver do that evening was look in no way surprised that Barbara Clench's husband was a six-foot, golden-haired Adonis, about ten years her junior, who seemed genuinely and mythically in love with her. It made no sense. She wasn't rich. But, y'know, what? Fair fucking play to her." (Lucian O'Connell, p340) — I laughed harder at this than was probably fair. Good for her.

Does submerging in bacon actually help it go crispy?

"Useful, dear, is for dogs and crescent wrenches. Friends and lovers should care for you even when your not a blind bit of good to anybody." (Sophie, p343) — This is a really pleasing statement. Friendship show be unconditional to a degree,

All the discussion about law at the dinner party.

Luc's trying to convince Sophie to donate to the charity was genius.

I can see why so many people who enjoy Red White and Royal Blue also enjoy this. There is something about their connections and character types that are just reminiscent. It feels like a new adult novel rather than an adult or young adult, it's definitely in that bridge area. The characters are nice, the plot is enjoyable. Even the problematic elements, which are in no way signposted, are used effectively in context. The writing just works. The dynamics between characters are truly enjoyable, with no two being the same. It is amusing at points and emotional at others always in the right places. But when it really comes down to it is what it says on the package, if that appeals to you, you likely won't be disappointed. My star rating drop is due to untagged triggering moments.