#all professional and like friendship except for analogical | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

onyv · 4 years

Text

HOW THE ANIMATION SERIES ‘POWERPUFF GIRLS’ AND ‘MY LITTLE PONY’ BUILD STEREOTYPES ABOUT GENDER AND SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR THROUGH CERTAIN CHARACTERS?

ABSTRACT

The topic of this essay is related to animation - art as ancient as it is modern. Despite a step up aside from standard graphic design, animation deserves properly attention as the only art that unites everyone else: drawing (illustration), acting (movement), music and narrative, and this makes it so appealing field for visual expression.

The subject of this study will be the wonderful world of the creative family of Craig McCracken and Lauren Faust and this choice is not accidental. He is a consequence of long-term interest (initially as a fan, and now professionally) in the animations created by them.

This study will seek to reinforce the stereotype that in the late 20th and early 21st century women are independent , strong enough and able to cope with life's challenges on their own, which is embedded in 'Powerpuff Girls' (animated series created in 1998 by Craig McCracken), as well as the stereotype that behaviour is not a function of gender and in this sense there are no 'good' or 'bad' genders. There are those who act socially acceptable and those who do not, which is reflected in both animated series : 'Powerpuff Girls' and 'My Little Pony : The Friendship is magic"(created in 2010 by Lauren Faust.)

The influence that these series cause as well as their reflection in social life and in some manifestations of the subculture will also be affected.

This essay will offer an overview of some gender and behavioural specifics of the characters from animated series ‘Powerpuff Girls“’ (1998) and ‘My Little Pony : Friendship Is Magic’ (2010). This matter will be explored using various descriptive and comparative methods and knowledge of semiotic analysis obtained in previous levels of education, as well as with the help of well-studied existing literature on gender stereotypes and human behaviour and their reflection in a modern animation for children.

● The composition (environment) as a surrounding background in the two animated series will be analyzed and compared. Will be answered how and to what extent it can influence the actions of the characters which reflect certain social and gender stereotypes.

● Concepts such as Second and Third Wave Feminism will be addressed and an analogy will be made between feminism and the heroines of the Powerpuff Girls series.

● A review of the actions of the characters from the above-mentioned animated series will be made, and the link between existing concepts of the role of gender and social behaviour in society will be sought. The perception that the imposed gender stereotypes should generate certain perceptions, questioning their appropriateness will be challenged (and this will protect the rights of certain societies and groups such as the Queer society, for example.) The essay will stand behind the thesis that behavior is not a function of gender, considering the behaviour of a particular character with an unidentified gender identity from "Powerpuff Girls".

● Existing gender stereotypes will also be compared and challenged with some alternative ways that determine the place of gender identity in human society. Will be answered of the question why animation designed for a little girls, such as "My Little Pony", affects a certain group of people (young men called "Bronies") and how they interpret the gender stereotype (or lack thereof), creating and developing a certain modern subculture, such as the Bronylore sites, for example.

The choice of this topic is due to the fact that in the process of studying I was very impressed by the tasks related to video making and the animations that I used in performing these tasks. In addition, the topic expresses my desire to continue to engage in animation as a practitioner in a future, and if this happens, all of the above issues regarding gender and behavioural stereotypes would be useful in creating credible animated characters.

All cartoon characters have their own story, and even if the interactions between them seem to "make" the film, the fact that the characters are always in touch with the world around them should not be overlooked. They are part of it, they see it, they touch it, they move and meet other peers in it and all this pushes the action forward. This surrounding world and its story creates the composition of the animated series, and it depends on it whether the action will increase or decrease when one of the characters is placed in it. Therefore, here will be considered some characteristics of the composition and their manifestation in the two considered animated series ‘Powerpuff Girls and ‘My Little Pony : The Friendship is Magic”.

The layout of the composition in the animated films is a special type of design, which is created by layout artists and background painters.

Both the exterior and the interior composition in 'Powerpuff Girls' and 'My Little Pony: The Friendship is Magic' are used as a background for the actions of the characters in building social and gender stereotypes. Let's see how this works.

The exterior images of Townsville in the 'Powerpuff Girls' series appeared as a result of the interaction between the bourgeois aesthetics of post-war America in contact with the more popular taste of the 1950s. They show a love of urban architecture and its details (especially the Precision style, which later grew into American modernism and the UPA house style - the dominant style in animation in the 50s and 60s.) The three little heroines act in this urban environment, by demonstrating their superpowers and protecting the city from evil monsters and invaders, which reinforces the stereotype for the belief in traditional values.

Fig.1. The City of Townsville (Source : Fandom.com)

In contrast to Townsville's modern urban environment, Ponyville's exterior view from 'My Little Pony' expresses the idea of living in a natural environment. Ponyville's infrastructure is presented as medieval architecture in a country style, recalling the fact that the Middle Ages were the period in which most magical spells were performed. The typical cottages have a wooden frames and thatched roofs overhanging the upper floors. There are all kinds of buildings here, just like in the human commune: train station, clock tower, hospital, day spa, joke shop, Hay cafe, Golden Oak library, theater, even school (which challenges one of the possible existing stereotypes who claims that this animated series presents the girl's brilliance and beauty as more necessary than knowledge and learning.)

Fig.2. Ponyville

(Source : Fandom.com)

As can be seen from the design of the three girls' bedroom, it is built almost entirely in pink and pale purple (except for the blankets, colored with the characteristic individual colour of each one of them), which is associated with the female sex, according to the existing modern social stereotype.

Fig.3. The bedroom of Powerpuff Girls

(Source : Weheartit)

This certain ‘girlish colours' trend in the interior composition of bedroom continued a decade later in "My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic" and this once again confirm this stereotype: pink and pale purple are just girlish colours (and therefore unacceptable for boys.)

Fig.4. Fluttershy's bedroom

(Source : derpibooru.org)

This naturally raises the question: do not such restrictions impose from an early age a reluctance to see the other point of view, that of the opposite sex? Or it is deliberately ignored? Isn't part of the natural emotion of childhood taken away by stereotyping such as 'animation for girls' or 'colours for girls'? Because it is a fact that 'My Little Pony" is perceived equally positively by both sexes up to a certain age (4-6 years), but not after the children pass primary school age, where the distinction becomes especially pronounced.

Usually the exterior and interior compositions in children's animated series change very quickly as a result of various factors, some of which are:

● Atmosphere (Rainy, Cloudy, Sunny, Underwater, Outer Space, Smoky, Foggy, Dusty); ● Mood of the characters (Sad, Bored, Аngеr, Excited); ● Colour and technique used (Monochromatic/graphic/ оr high-contrast colour, Realistic оr Abstract); ● Point of View and Object Specifics (proportions). Since they all influence the construction of certain stereotypes, some of them will be visually analyzed using the semiotic methods studied in the previous levels.

Fig.5. Atmosphere composition : Rainy, Cloudy, Sunny, Underwater, Outer

Space, Smoky, Foggy, Dusty

( Source : Tumblr)

● VISUAL ANALYSIS I :

* Representation :

This distribution includes eight compositions of the layout reflecting the atmospheric weather: Rainy, Cloudy, Sunny, Underwater, Outer Space, Smoky, Foggy, Dusty.

* Where is it located?

The City of Townsville, in the air, underwater and in space.

* How is the characters are placed in the compositional frame? What surrounds them?

- Rainy composition :

In the center of the composition is a man who is strangely smiling. He wears sunglasses while it rains from the sky. Only the upper part of his body up to his shoulders is visible.

-Cloudy composition :

In the foreground is a girl with black hair and green clothes, behind him a girl with orange hair and pink clothes, and behind them a blond girl in blue clothes. All three fly in the clouds.

-Underwater composition :

In the center of the composition are two women surrounded by water who appear to be sinking.

-Outer Space composition :

To the left of the center and below is the girl with black hair and green clothes; in the middle of the composition is a blond girl with blue clothes, and at the top right of the center is the girl with orange hair and pink clothes. They fly (or fall) from the starry sky around them.

* Is their activity presented as typical (or atypical)?

The three girls have superpowers, so the actions they perform can be defined as typical for them.

* Does the design meet the genre expectations?

Yes.

* What is the preferred audience?

Mostly children's audience (over 3 or 4 years), but also for all older children and their parents.

* How is the composition built? Why is the composition built in this way?

- Rainy composition - In dark blue colours, because apparently the action takes place at night. The emphasis is on the figure of the man in the center for which lighter shades of blue are used.

- Cloudy composition - The composition is built in monochrome colours to make the three characters to stand out.

-Sunny composition - Townsville buildings are only presented as outlines (no details).

-Underwater composition - The composition seems to be diagonal and creates a feeling of fluidity due to the position of the bodies of the characters underwater.

-Outer Space composition - Here the feeling of height is achieved through the facial expression and positioning of the bodies of the three girls within the composition, which cannot be the same if the action takes place on the ground.

-Smoky composition - This composition is interesting because of the viewing angle (from above). Maybe that is the point of view of someone who flies.

-Foggy composition - Just like the previous composition in this one the angle of observation it is from above.

-Dusty composition - There are no figures here, and the feeling of dust (smoke) comes from the abstract shape of the black background, in the center of the composition, which resembles smoke after an explosion.

* What is the message here?

The message is that in most cases, girls (women) can have many different abilities to deal with the dangers that surround them.

* Stereotype and its challenge

A stereotypical example here may be that girls have to stay at home where they are well protected because they do not have the necessary strength to deal with the dangers of the world around them.

However, they go out, use their superpowers and prove that this is possible, which challenges the stereotype.

● DECONSTRUCTION :

* Foreground.

In the foreground here can be seeing :

- Rainy composition - A long face man with a strange smile.

- Cloudy composition - A girl flying into the sky.

- Sunny composition - City landscape.

- Underwater composition - Two drowning female figures.

- Outer Space composition - Three flying (falling) girls.

- Smoky composition - Smoke.

- Foggy composition – Clouds.

- Dusty composition - Explosion.

* Background.

In the background can be seeing :

- Rainy composition - Part of the urban landscape of Townsville.

- Cloudy composition - Two more flying girls and clouds.

- Sunny composition - Sunny sky.

- Underwater composition – Water.

- Outer Space composition – Sky and stars.

- Smoky composition - Car and building.

- Foggy composition - A city seen from above.

- Dusty composition - Black sky.

* The shapes in the composition are :

- Rainy composition - Dashes (rain.)

- Cloudy composition - Circles (eyes, heads, clouds.)

- Sunny composition - Vertical and horizontal outlines of buildings.

- Underwater composition - Body shapes (bodies.)

- Outer Space composition - Circles (heads, clouds.)

- Smoky composition - Rectangles and angles (car and building) and Abstract shapes (smoke.

- Foggy composition - Abstract shapes (Clouds.)

- Dusty composition - Abstract shapes (Smoke after an explosion.)

* The colours used are :

- Rainy composition – All shades of blue: from dark to electric blue.

- Cloudy composition – Monochrome gray, black, orange, yellow, green, pink, blue.

- Sunny composition – Orange, beige.

- Underwater composition – Blue, orange, purple.

- Outer Space composition – Blue, orange, black, green, pink, yellow.

- Smoky composition - All shades of green: from dark to electric green.

- Foggy composition – Blue-green.

- Dusty composition – Black and red.

* Positive and negative spaces :

The only composition in which the ratio between positive and negative space is the same is the Sunny composition.

● ICONOLOGY (According to Panofsky's three levels) :

* Rainy composition –

- Level 1 Description : Here you can see a long-haired smiling man on a rainy night. There is a building on his right.

- Level 2 Identification : Мъжът изглежда странно защото носи слънчеви очила докато вали дъжд. He's probably walking down a street because the outlines of a building can be seen on one side of him, and it looks like the light from a street lamp is falling on him.His facial expression is smiling but that smile is sinister rather than benevolent. He seems to be a person who has committed a crime and is happy with it. The night time in which this walk takes place proves this once again because night is the best time to cover up the evidence of the crime, and the rain only reinforces the feeling of anxiety in the whole composition.

- Level 3 Analysis : From ancient times, mankind has known such villains who committed their crimes at night: Bluebeard and Jack the Ripper are among them.

* Cloudy composition –

- Level 1 Description : Herе can be seen a cloudy sky in which three girls are flying.

- Level 2 Identification : The sky is thick gray, there are clouds, which suggests that there will probably be a storm soon. The girl's face in the foreground is angry. The flying girls are in a hurry for somewhere. The posture of their bodies shows their determination and fearlessness. Even the approaching storm cannot stop or frighten them.

- Level 3 Analysis : Historically, such a brave girl-hero is Jeanne d’Arc, whо leads an army, wins many battles and becomes proof of how a young girl can be stronger than many men and win much more than them; Amelia Earhart, who began with her flying experiments at the age of 20 and became the first female aviator who fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and more recently Greta Thunberg, who is a winner of Human Act Award 2020 and The International Children’s Peace Prize, which is awarded to child who has made a significant contribution to advocating children's rights.

* Sunny composition –

- Level 1 Description : Here can be seen а very high buildings and above them a sunny sky.

- Level 2 Identification : The sun in the sky is almost in the middle of the composition, indicating that it is probably just before noon. There are various office buildings and TV towers, and judging by the height of the buildings, it can be assumed that this is happening in America, because there are cities with similar architecture : Boston, Chicago and New York in America, for example.

- Level 3 Analysis : The Empire State Building is a 102-story skyscraper located in Manhattan, New York. It was built in Art Deco style and it was completed in 1931.

* Underwater composition –

- Level 1 Description : Here can be seen two women drowning underwater.

- Level 2 Identification : Women are not on an equal footing, one of them with orange hair seems to be in the power of the other with black hair. The black-haired woman's face is visible, and it shows that she is furious, while the other woman's face is hidden. Both are wearing clothes, not swimsuits, which shows that they fell under the water not of their own volition, but after an accident.

- Level 3 Analysis : Is it possible that someone standing under water will come to life again? Yes, if his name is Harry Houdini. The magician of the late 19th and early 20th centuries has repeatedly proven that it is possible (albeit with the help of illusion.)

* Outer Space composition -

- Level 1 Description : Here can be seen three girls flying or falling amongst the outer space.

- Level 2 Identification : The girls' facial expressions suggest that they do not enjoy this flight. It seems that someone threw them into space against their will.

- Level 3 Analysis : From 7 to 20 February 2008, a space flight took place with the ship Atlantis. During the flight, the German Hans Wilhelm Schlegel went into space for 6 hours and 45 minutes to prepare the module for scientific work, as well as to replace the spent tank with compressed nitrogen on the station hull.

* Smoky composition –

- Level 1 Description : Here can be seen a stopped car. There are scattered sheets of paper around the car, and smoke can be seen in the air above the car. There is something on top the car that looks like a human body.

- Level 2 Identification : The car is parked diagonally, which is not the usual way to park. Scattered sheets of paper and smoke in the air, as well as the body (if it is a body) on top the car, suggest that an accident may have occurred.

- Level 3 Analysis : Many historically significant figures have died in a car accident -James Dean (1955) who played only three roles but remained forever in the history of cinema; Albert Camus (1960), the "father" of existentialism; Jane Mansfield (1967), considered by many to be the heiress of Marilyn Monroe; Grace Kelly (1982), the muse of Alfred Hitchcock; and the mysterious car crash in Paris that killed Lady Diana Spencer (1997.)

* Foggy composition -

- Level 1 Description : Some irregular shapes can be seen here and some of them are hidden behind a fog.

- Level 2 Identification : It looks like a city view from above. Some roofs of buildings and clouds can be seen. This could be the point of view of a passenger on a plane or someone parachuting.

- Level 3 Analysis : According to Online Symbolism Dictionary " Fog illustrates obscurity, indistinction; in the Bible, it is an image preceding great revelations. It is the "GRAY zone" between reality and unreality, and uncertainty about the future and beyond. According to Browning it can represent approaching death. Isolation. A transformation into the unreal."(1997, 2001)

* Dusty composition -

- Level 1 Description : Here can be seen red circles on a black background.

- Level 2 Identification : The circles are irregular, they have the shape of a cloud that scatters in the air. Resembles exposure after a bomb.

- Level 3 Analysis : A similar sight can be seen after the atomic bomb explosions in Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945.

● SEMIOTICS :

* Rainy composition -

A MAN - (Signifier) - A male human being which could be:

- An icon (anatomical look of man; cartoon character.. ) -> (signified)

- A symbol (Jesus Christ, Buddha,John Lennon,Yuri Gagarin -> (signified)

- An index (as a consequence of God, monkey, extraterrestrial project) -> (signified)

* Cloudy composition and Outer Space composition -

A GIRL(S) - (Signifier) - A small female human being which could be:

- An icon (anatomical look of girl; cartoon character.. ) -> (signified)

- A symbol (Greta Thunberg, Little Red Riding hood) -> (signified)

- An index (as a consequence of the relationship between her parents) -> (signified)

* Sunny composition -

URBAN ARCHITECTURE – (Signifier) - The physical appearance of a city.

- An icon ( many buildings built at a short distance from each other.) -> (signified)

- A symbol (London, New York, Tokio) -> (signified)

- An index (The building is a consequence of the planning and technological construction by the man.-> (signified)

* Underwater composition -

A WOMEN (WOMAN) – (Signifier) - A female human being which could be:

- An icon (anatomical look of woman; cartoon character.. ) -> (signified)

- A symbol (Indira Gandhi, Valentina Tereshkova, Madona) -> (signified)

- An index (as a consequence of the relationship between her parents) -> (signified)

* Smoky composition -

A CAR - (Signifier) - Мachine for transportation which could be:

- An icon ( machine that have four tires and transport people.) -> (signified)

- A symbol (Tesla Cybertruck )-> (signified)

- An index ( a consequence of the development of a technical project created by mechanical engineers) -> (signified)

* Foggy composition -

A FOG - (Signifier) - A cloud of condensed water vapor (microscopic droplets or at a temperature below 0 ° C - ice crystals) that starts from the earth's surface and reduces visibility below 1 km. It could be:

- An icon ( water droplets ) -> (signified)

- A symbol ( obscurity, beyond, the zone between reality and unreality) -> (signified)

- An index ( as a result of meeting two air fronts.) -> (signified)

*Dusty composition -

AN EXPLOSION - (Signifier) - Oxidation reaction that produces emission of gases and dust which could be:

- An icon ( Cloud dust after the release of energy in an extreme manner. ) -> (signified)

- A symbol ( Hiroshima and Nagasaki )-> (signified)

- An index ( as a consequence of oxidation reaction that produces large amounts of hot gas.) -> (signified)

● REDUNDANCY AND ENTROPY :

Elements of Redundancy and Entropy can be found in some of the eight compositions.

* Entropy can be seen in Cloudy and Rainy compositions and this is the logo of Cartoon Network. It is clear from the logo that this layout is related to the animation.

* Redundancy:

The element that is not essential for Rainy composition is the building, because the content can be understood without it.

The elements that will not affect the Underwater composition if they are not there are the clothes of both women.

● BINARY OPOSITES :

* Rainy composition - Light/Darkness

* Cloudy composition – Real / Fantastic

* Sunny composition – High / Low

* Underwater composition – Villain / Victim

* Outer Space composition – Real / Fantastic

* Smoky composition – High / Low

* Foggy composition – High / Low

* Dusty composition - Light /Darkness

Foreshortening:

This approach is often used when the power of one of the characters (usually the villains) or one of their super abilities should stand out in the composition. For example : the power of Sedusa, which is hidden in her hair, as well as her ability to incarnate; the influence that Him exerts on all; the physical strength of Big Billy; the ability of the Mayor of Townsville to fly (but only in sleep).

Fig. 6 Sedusa, Him, Big Billy, The Mayor of Townsville

(Source : Tumblr)

In another case, foreshortening in the film it is used to reinforce the stereotype that in order for a woman to be physically attractive, she does not have to be smart (later this stereotype was challenged by Miss Bellum 's actions.) However, in 99 percent of her appearances in the series, she is presented only as a body without a head.

Fig.7 Miss Sara Bellum

(Source : Tumblr)

Complex scenes and the use of 'Dutch angle' in some compositions:

In some more complex scenes, where they have to present several actions at once, the layout artists have divided the field diagonally, which allows them to present two parallel actions in one frame.

Fig.8 Gangreen Gang I

(Source : Tumblr)

The horizon is usually in the middle of the screen and coincides with the eye line of the observer. But when the scene requires tension and drama, the Dutch angle is used in the composition, which reinforces the feeling of insecurity and instability. In the case of Him, its use is a very good solution because it reinforces the stereotype that sometimes the lack of a clear gender identity can be quite confusing and even frightening.

Fig.9 Him

(Source : Tumblr)

But how does it all actually begin?

The year is 1998. A new American animated series about superheroes is conquering the world. This is the story of the three little girls Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup, living in the city of Townsville, who were invented by their father and scientist Professor Utonium. Girls have superpowers and use them in their fight against evil: starting with local street thugs, and ending with superpowers of universal evil such as insidious demons and vampires.The series was produced by Hanna-Barbera for Cartoon Network and created by animator Craig McCracken. Conceived and developed under the name 'Whoopass Stew!' in the second year of McCracken's studies at the California Institute of the Arts (CalArts), the series debuted in late 1998, has its 6 seasons (78 series), as well as a special edition of the feature film and a special edition of the anniversary film to celebrate the 10th anniversary, as well as various comics, video games, clothes, toys and other franchise and ended in March 2005, winning nominations for six Emmy Awards, nine Annie Awards, and millions of fans around the world.In the animated series, the leadership implicitly belongs to Blossom (orange long hair, pink dress wide black resembling a karate belt and a red bow); the sweetest is Bubbles (blonde braids, sky blue clothing) and the most combative is Buttercup (black short hair, green clothing).

Fig.10 The Powerpuff Girls

(Source: thefluffybunch.fandom.com )

The shape of the body, head and eyes of each of them resembles a circle (in fact, the bodies of all three are disproportionately small and their eyes are disproportionately large relative to their heads), but in fact this deformation, as well as the emphasis on their round shape is not random. Round shapes are characteristic of the feminine principle and thus the idea of dominant feminism is introduced.Initially, nothing threatening is found in the vision of the girls, but if they are confronted by a bully or a villain, they immediately become a real threat to him, showing their super fighting skills, which shatter the traditional notions of ‘femininity’ associated with meekness, shyness and cowardice. Over time, it turns out that McCracken was right about his choice of this type of female superhero; many other films on the subject appeared, and critics began to define the movement of "girl power" that began in the 1990s as feminism from the Third Wave (the Second Wave is typical of the feminist movement of the 1960s.) The new movement does not aim to oppose to the femininity of power, but on the contrary, shows that both are possible together and the result is quite attractive. Many emerging figures and groups stand behind this concept and develop it to varying degrees, starting with the young female punk band of the 90's Riot Grrrls, who first showed that rebellion and femininity are not mutually exclusive concepts, and continuing the trend with the hysteria for a indisputably the most successful girl band in the history of pop music, the Spice Girls, which openly promotes ideas of female power and potential.

Fig.11 Spice Girls

(Source: eonline.com )

Unlike the feminist generation of the 60s which advocates for gender equality, for privileges of working mothers and against the gender discrimination in applying for job, as well as against sexual abuse against the physically weaker sex, the girls of 90s do not need to be rescued, they do not want to be protected or receive special privileges because of their gender as they can handle everything on their own. They openly and clearly state their place in the world through their behavior, as well as by following the messages in the texts of their favourite girl bands.In the 90s, not only was the dominant male role in society challenged (which is the main merit of The Second-wave feminists) but it went even further by challenging the stereotype that femininity and sexuality were something that should be to be denied (or belittled at best). Young women in the 90's believe that female attractiveness should be manifested as an expression of opportunities and strength. In this sense, maintaining good physical and intellectual condition are mandatory challenges, and films such as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997) and "10 things I hate about you" (1999) only prove it. In ‘10 Things I Hate About You: Kat, Rom-Com Feminist’ (2020) ,Kat Stratford (Julia Stiles' character) reads Sylvia Plath and chose the role of an antisocial and self-sufficient feminist, because she is fully aware the strength of her intellect and abilities, but in the same moment she is attractive, smart and physically fit young woman.

So, is the fictional character Lara Croft from the 2001 series of video games and film, who portrays her as a smart and physically fit young archaeologist who takes risks and copes no worse than men with many challenges on the way to achieving her goals, and thus becoming a role model for a thousands of young women of her generation.

As can be seen, in 90s the women can be strong and independent and to deal with their enemies alone and from this current point of view the myths about their dependence on men remains in the past.

From all the above it can be concluded that in creating the three Powerpuff Girls, Craig McCracken is not only influenced by all these processes, but also manages to visually present the destruction of the stereotype for the weakness and insecurity of femininity, as well as myths about the social and role of women dependent on men in a particularly original way through the interactions of Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup with the rich variety of the other characters in the series.

Conditionally, the interaction with these characters will be divided into four groups:

- interaction of Powerpuff Girls with a female characters,

- interaction of Powerpuff Girls with a male characters,

- interaction of Powerpuff Girls with a creatures and

- interaction of Powerpuff Girls with non-heteronormative characters,

and a comparison will be made between the Powerpuff Girls and one representative of each one of them.

Among the interaction of Powerpuff Girls with the other female characters stands out one - that of glamorous assistant Miss Sara Bellum. This character challenges one traditional stereotype. Her emphatically feminine appearance (and as already commented more precisely her body because her head is missing) does not necessarily mean that she is stupid, but on the contrary; when necessary, she can make the right decisions and even be quite 'intellectually sharp'.

Fig.12 Miss Sara Bellum’s head

(Source : Fandom.com)

As for the interaction of the Powerful Girls with the male characters, there is a kind of "competition" between them. This is clearly evident in the interaction of girls with Gangreen Gang - a group of troublesome hooligans and bandits, known for their antisocial behavior, who live in the town dump in Townsville. Among their members are Ace, Snake, Lil 'Arturo, Grubber and Big Billy. The boys are mostly known for committing petty crimes, such as vandalism and harassment of the young or elderly. (Ace has to some extent "evolved", replacing a member of the Gorillaz who was imprisoned for a while). The Gang are characterized by their green skin, and all the gang members have black hair, except for Big Billy, who has red hair. They appear to be teenagers, but they vary widely in height and body type. Their species is mutated human.

Fig.13 Gangreen Gang II

(Source : Fandom.com)

The three girls, however, worthily oppose and manage to defeat them, not only because they use their physical superpower, but also because they can be friendly and smiling and say "please" and "thank you." Thus, another stereotype is challenged - that of the Second-wave feminists, who are traditionally bad, while Craig Mkraken's heroines behave in a traditionally acceptable way.

The other characters in the animated series are portrayed according to traditional notions of gender stereotypes: Townsville's female characters are portrayed as cowards (for example, they are afraid of insects until someone fearless man comes to save them), while the male characters are portrayed as aggressive. Fuzzy Lumpkins, Amoeba boys and especially Mojo Jojo, who is the main antagonist and the main enemy of Professor Utonius and the strong girls, are constantly planning to conquer the world or at least cause harm to someone in the neighbourhood. Mojo spend a lot of his time inventing a new weapons or technology and even on several occasions his plans succeeded.

At the end, the feminine principle wins again, thanks to a typical feminine quality that men can't stand: being nice. In this way, the female 'being nice' becomes a super power, but falling into male hands, it is again subjected to destructive criticism, which reinforces the gender stereotype.

Fig.13 Mojo Jojo

(Source : Fandom.com)

After all this, however, there is a more special kind of interaction between the girls and someone who is 'a villain so evil, so sinister, so horribly vile that even the utterance of his name strikes fear into the hearts of men. The only safe way to refer to this king of darkness is simply... HIM." With these words this mysterious character is represented by The Narrator in the episode ‘Octi Evil’.

What do we know about this mysterious being? Very little. - Him is a highly manipulative creature that has a high enough charisma that he persuade and manipulate the beings; - He is an all powerful being. The most powerful in the world second only to thegirls. Or at least, that is what the series wants us to think; - He has a interesting relationship with the professor. Usually the focus is on his atypical (unrecognizable) gender identity and here the confusion comes from the fact that he speaks with an ominous high voice and wears high heels and sock nets, which is a sign of non-heteronormativity, according to the existing stereotype. Can this strange and contradictory character really be characterized as non-heteronormative and can this characteristic contribute to the naturalization of prejudice or the exclusion of groups that identify as non-heteronormative (such as Queer.) According to Goodreads " Queer identitites may be adopted by those who reject traditional gender identities and seek a broader, less conformist, and deliberately ambiguous alternative to the label LGBT."(Goodreads,2020)

As a result of the above, the following question arises: can Him, who embodies the world's super-evil, serve as an ideological support to viewers whose beliefs and cultures mock non-heteronormative people and violate their rights? And is his characterization of super-evil really related to his unclear gender or is it a consequence of his unacceptable social behavior?

Interesting is the opinion of Dennis, according to which "Him presents the latest trends in animation that show homosexuality as "either stupid or sinister" (p. 138, 2003) and he is about to be right because in the new animated version of "Mr. Magoo" released in 2019, the assistant of the main antagonist called Little Weasel is again presented with the characteristics of a non-heteronormative person, which again raises the question of why (and is it correct) to use a non-heteronormative character in a villainous role and in a negative context? What causes the construction of such a stereotype in the minds of young viewers?

On the one hand, it is good for children to be prepared for life, because in it they will encounter all kinds of challenges and all kinds of people (Him could be of any gender); on the other hand, what makes Him really evil and dangerous is his manipulative nature and the fact that he is a collection of contradictions. The interaction with someone who has similar behavior in the real life can always deceive or confuse them, because they are often not well prepared and they don't know how to react.

This essay stands behind the thesis that the feeling of absolute evil in the series does not come from the non-heteronormative man (Him), with whom the Powerpuff Girls often interact, but is the result of the contradictions from which this character is built: Santa Claus and Satan; human body and legs and lobster clamps instead of arms; a voice as thin and attractive and as powerful and furious as lightning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd3PJHCrQ7k

The contradiction inherent in his nature causes shock and horror in the observer, not the lack of gender identity. This character once again emphasizes the fact that evil is stronger than all genders and individual traits.

Fig.14 HIM

(Source : Fandom.com)

Although this essay supports the notion that to be non-heteronormative is not something perverted and dangerous that adults should protect children from, the animated series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which appeared 12 years after "Powerful Girls" is evidence of how indirectly an animation designed for young girls can become a challenge to the social construction of gender through the subsequent manifestations of subculture (a different folklore currents and communities such as "Bronies", or Japanese postmodern art movement known as "Superflat", and - why not - the art sharing platform DeviantArt / partly /.)

Fig.15 My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic

(Source : Fandom.com)

The last discussion in the essay will be related to the question of why animation intended for a target group of little girls, such as "My Little Pony", affects a certain group of people (young men who call themselves ‘bronies’) and how they interpret the gender stereotype of the cartoon characters (or lack thereof). What is the role of children's animations in the creation and development of a subculture, such as the network of Bronylore sites?

Although Lauren Faust, creator of "My Little Pony" and wife of Craig McCracken, (who previously worked with him on "The Powerful Girls") is adamant that the 'My Little Pony : The Friendship is Magics' was conceived and implemented as an animation for little girls, this series is becoming very popular among an unusual demographic audience of young men who call themselves "Bronies" (The term is a sum of the abbreviated "bro" and "pony" and distinguishes adults fans, most often ages 18 - 34 who follow" My Little Pony : Friendship Is Magic" from the target audience of young girls.) The Bronies use "4chan" or create their own network of online sites "Bronylore", where they publish their comments and comics related to the show. Why this series has such an impact on these young men and how the bronies interpret the gender stereotype of the pony cartoon characters (or lack thereof)? According to Claire Burdfield "Riley Kilo, a Brony and 4chan user, stating that “people were attracted to the cuteness of the pony avatars”.(Burdfield, 2017) This essay assumes that this is possible because the animation, itself, allows the bodies of the characters to be reshaped in ways that transgress conventional barriers of sexuality and allow viewers a much wider scope in which to explore alternative ways of seeing the place of gender identity within human society. But what the essay emphatically does not accept is the fact that Bronylore identifies potentially transgressive themes in My Little Pony, develops them in deliberately uncomfortable ways, and neatly adapts them to real-life issues relevant to its followers’ social and psychological lives. With this, this sites become a danger for the real target group, this still unformed audience of little girls and boys, who could get a misconception about the meaning of concepts such as friendship, love, cooperation, with an only one wrong click on such a site - something that the creators of the animated series would definitely not want to happen.

With all of the above, an attempt was made to look into the world of modern animation by comparing existing gender and behavioral stereotypes in society and their reflection in the children's animated series "Powerful Girls" and "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic".

- Descriptive and comparative methods were used, as well as semiotic analysis, to clarify the role of composition as a natural environment where the characters operate and supporting factor for their behaviour.

- By comparing relationships: girls (courage, strength) / boys (defeat); young (energy, opportunities) / old (weakness, incompetence, helplessness, infantilism) were challenged some of the stereotypes in society.

Other existing understandings were challenged, such as that female beauty and glamorous appearance does not necessarily mean that women are stupid or girl's brilliance and beauty as more necessary than knowledge and learning.

- Through historical review and documentary facts, the terms "Second Wave Feminism" and "Third Wave Feminism" were examined and compared, and evidence of their impact on the creation of the cartoon characters Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup was applied.

- The question of why (and whether it is correct) to use "non-heteronormative" gender in villainous roles was answered as part of a broader discussion of the relationship: gender - social behaviour. The essay defended the position that it is not gender that makes a character good or bad, but his social behavior. This also protected the rights of certain social groups, such as Queer society.

- Using modern data, in a broader context were analysed some manifestations of the subculture, which arose as a result of the impact of the animated characters from the series "My little pony: Friendship is magic" on certain social groups. An answer was given to the question of what provokes these certain groups of fans to self-identify as "Bronies" and to create digital content on specialised sites.

After the whole study, the academic literature and working on this essay, my belief that I wanted to practice animation became even stronger. I have the feeling that one of the most prominent schools in the world for training of such significant contemporary animators as Craig McCracken, Lauren Faust, Genndy Tartakovsky (Dexter's Laboratory, 1996) and a decade later - Pendleton Ward ( Adventure Time, 2010) is the California Institute of the Arts (CalArts) and my desire to deepen my knowledge, moving forward with a master's degree in animation, takes me exactly there. Moreover, Cartoon Network Studios (my most dreamed workplace as a future practitioner) is also located there, in California. Of course, it's just a dream for now, but as Bubbles said : "You should do what you want to do." And Blossom would add : "Being a Powerpuff Girl isn't about getting your way...It's about using your own unique abilities to help people and the world we all live in."

REFERENCES :

● Alex J Taylor, Mr Magoo and Modern Art, Oxford Art Journal, Volume 42, Issue 3, December 2019, Pages 412–414, https://doi-org.ezproxy.herts.ac.uk/10.1093/oxartj/kcz015

● BBC, (2020), Second Wave Feminism, [Online], Available at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/archive/second-wave-feminism/zdhw382?fbclid=IwAR0CgNwQQ01Zx8KZTs7OXpt2zQ7x7b3baPrH2J2zYOnpu2lF2pLsMPqmjfA , [Accessed 18 Oct.2020]

● Burdfield C.,(2017), A brief history of the 4chan ‘Pony Wars, [Online], Available at: https://cstonline.net/a-brief-history-of-the-4chan-pony-wars-by-claire-burdfield/?fbclid=IwAR1nWN411GjOsah3AFcDgEsxgAOM5iWgzLtKdORGKHxjKWeQLEoKnbFHxZs , [Accessed 18 Oct.2020]

● ELLIS, B., 2015. What Bronies See When They Brohoof: Queering Animation on the Dark and Evil Internet. Journal of American Folklore, 128(509), pp. 298-314,369-370.

● Goodreads, (2020), Queer, [Online], Available at: https://www.goodreads.com/genres/queer?fbclid=IwAR0UXLjDqiOC_Hk2RwrLglZcMY2G6iPFofxJMlsiTsuwq1oQOvzifXNx1ZU , [Accessed 18 Oct.2020]

● Griffin, M., Harding, N. and Learmonth, M. (2017) ‘Whistle While You Work? Disney Animation, Organizational Readiness and Gendered Subjugation’, Organization Studies, 38(7), pp. 869–894. doi: 10.1177/0170840616663245.

● Hager Lisa, (2008), Saving the World Before Bedtime : The Powerpuff Girls, Citizenship, and the Little Girl Superhero, Children's Literature Association Quarterly Volume 33, Number 1, Spring 2008 Johns Hopkins University Press , Article

● Kirkland, E. (2010) ‘The Politics of Powerpuff: Putting the ‘Girl’ into ‘Girl Power’’, Animation, 5(1), pp. 9–24. doi: 10.1177/1746847709356643.

● Knight G.L. (2010), Female Action Heroes : A Guide to Women in Comics, Video Games, Film, and Television, Publisher ABC-CLIO, LLC, p. 228-237

● Richter K.,(2010), My Little Homophobic, Racist, Smart-Shaming Pony, [Online], Available at: https://msmagazine.com/.../my-little-homophobic-racist.../ , [Accessed 18 Oct.2020]

● Rosenfeld M.,(2000), Powerpuff Girls: Good Guise, Bad Guys, [Online], Available at: https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/lifestyle/2000/12/26/powerpuff-girls-good-guise-bad-guys/79a54733-9e40-4633-a5c4-46c040bff6c2/ , [Accessed 18 Oct.2020]

● Santos, G., Mancio, C. P., & Maranho, E. (2019). Queer representation incorporated at “Him”, character of “The Powerpuff Girls". Journal of Science and Technology of the Arts, 11(1), 11-21. https://doi.org/10.7559/citarj.v11i1.588

● Schmidt G.,(2016), Cartoon Network’s Powerpuff Girls Fight Evil on TV and Beyond, [Online], Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/04/04/business/media/cartoon-networks-powerpuff-girls-fight-evil-on-tv-and-beyond.html?fbclid=IwAR262Wmc4CU-5uN33JczcQnvr8Q7BOc9PXKi7UNp0O_gpxouSz3vnO8foOs , [Accessed 18 Oct. 2020]

● The Take,(2020), Is the character HIM from “The Powerpuff Girls” transgender? [Online], Available at: https://the-take.com/watch/is-the-character-him-from-the-powerpuff-girls-transgender?fbclid=IwAR3Ubj88aK55Zv4MY_tD5vapAdZGq8KmbBom0fHjnA1KYBZJwjPYH82UdUA , [Assecced 18 Oct.2020]

● Wineman D.,(1998), SIGNOFF; Never Underestimate the Power of a Puff, [Online], Available at: https://www.nytimes.com/1998/11/15/tv/signoff-never-underestimate-the-power-of-a-puff.html?fbclid=IwAR0ylJhQJ11WVzoTKHq7GR-wyIXjix6uMDv8TrXvFUEMdIZxz5eCdDbuus4 , [Assecced 18 Oct.2020]

LIST OF ILLUSTRATION :

Fig.1. The City of Townsville [online image] Available at: https://powerpuffgirls.fandom.com/wiki/Townsville?fbclid=IwAR3K_KazdzNZdCXBLY89bcQVCf4ffktRpe5P4Q4yCK-gNFobQ1fgmw6RJls , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.2. Ponyville [online image] Available at:

https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/Ponyville?fbclid=IwAR3N6cqy-H-xhT9kjoe4w7OwDzoqfreRRaqxBeiSeDYJBpOm5JELMcjo0D8 , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.3. The bedroom of Powerpuff Girls [online image] Available at: https://weheartit.com/entry/327702990

[Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.4. Fluttershy's bedroom [online image] Available at: https://www.derpibooru.org/1144404 ,

[Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.5. Atmosphere composition : Rainy, Cloudy, Sunny, Underwater, Outer Space, Smoky, Foggy, Dusty [online image] Available at: https://madoddball.tumblr.com/post/635218255016067072/how-the-animation-series-powerpuff-girls-and-my?fbclid=IwAR2wYp-NQXROdoxU8QWJTZnU86s0yLL2PX8RC2yVttpN3FXXgYllI-eEDMM , [Accessed 9 Dec 2020]

Fig.6. Sedusa, Him, Big Billy, The Mayor of Townsville, [online image] Available at: https://madoddball.tumblr.com/post/635218255016067072/how-the-animation-series-powerpuff-girls-and-my?fbclid=IwAR2wYp-NQXROdoxU8QWJTZnU86s0yLL2PX8RC2yVttpN3FXXgYllI-eEDMM , [Accessed 9 Dec 2020]

Fig.7. Miss Sara Bellum, [online image] Available at: https://madoddball.tumblr.com/post/635218255016067072/how-the-animation-series-powerpuff-girls-and-my?fbclid=IwAR2wYp-NQXROdoxU8QWJTZnU86s0yLL2PX8RC2yVttpN3FXXgYllI-eEDMM , [Accessed 9 Dec 2020]

Fig.8. Gangreen Gang I, [online image] Available at: https://madoddball.tumblr.com/post/635218255016067072/how-the-animation-series-powerpuff-girls-and-my?fbclid=IwAR2wYp-NQXROdoxU8QWJTZnU86s0yLL2PX8RC2yVttpN3FXXgYllI-eEDMM , [Accessed 9 Dec 2020]

Fig.9. Him I, [online image] Available at: https://madoddball.tumblr.com/post/635218255016067072/how-the-animation-series-powerpuff-girls-and-my?fbclid=IwAR2wYp-NQXROdoxU8QWJTZnU86s0yLL2PX8RC2yVttpN3FXXgYllI-eEDMM , [Accessed 9 Dec 2020]

Fig.10. Powerpuff Girls [online image] Available at: https://thefluffybunch.fandom.com/wiki/The_Powerpuff_Girls , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.11. Spice Girls [online image] Available at: https://www.eonline.com/news/1042491/every-time-the-spice-girls-playfully-shaded-victoria-beckham-over-skipping-their-reunion-tour , [Accessed 15 Oct.2020]

Fig.12. Miss Sara Bellum’s head [online image] Available at: https://powerpuffgirls.fandom.com/wiki/Sara_Bellum_(1998_TV_series)?fbclid=IwAR28VwKq-1fvlplwTQKAdbVC7TaXwe-ChTXnl0vUTWCSMrWrumKMK15Q2X8 , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.13. Gangreen Gang II [online image] Available at: https://powerpuffgirls.fandom.com/wiki/The_Gangreen_Gang/Gallery?file=Gangreen_Gang_laugh.jpg , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.14. Mojo Jojo [online image] Available at: https://powerpuffgirls.fandom.com/wiki/Mojo_Jojo_(1998_TV_series)?fbclid=IwAR0Tieaf6nn877NUbcMH2Y5yhrETvy3Ggg381DVl6PH66J_XOlC92DvDPAk , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.15. Him II [online image] Available at: https://powerpuffgirls.fandom.com/wiki/HIM?fbclid=IwAR3xrLszNdwPo_m9dyqOUqcafQVvGO_cwcNxtc0W-i2LzI8EiskxkSMxv4Y , [Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

Fig.16. My Little Pony : Friendship Is Magic [online image] Available at : https://mlp.fandom.com/wiki/My_Little_Pony_Friendship_is_Magic , Accessed 15 Oct 2020]

VIDEO SOURCE :

10 Things I Hate About You: Kat, Rom-Com Feminist (2020),video, The Take, Available at : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XevO7MCmGY&t=984s , [Accessed 9 November 2020]

Status: Submitted

#degree essay #script #stereotypes #behaviour #female #male #queer #bronies #LaurenFaust #craig mccracken #powerpuffgirls #mylittlepony #animationmypassion

8 notes · View notes

its-flicked-switch · 5 years

Text

The One They Deserved

3.5K | William Arc | The Story We Deserved | Post-MS4

William emerges from the harbor.

I know I can't be the only fan out there who was deeply disappointed by how William's character arc was handled in S11! So, for those of you on team #notmyWilliam, stick with me — I got you.

—

"And maybe what growing up really means is knowing that you don't have to be just a character, going whichever way the story says. It's knowing you could be the author instead."

― Ava Dellaira, Love Letters to the Dead

—

JACKSON

Returning to Wyoming was a decision made on a whim — an instinctual impulse. Because when battered and broken, animal instinct predominates, driving the incessant urge to return to a place of comfort and security.

When Jackson emerged from the harbor, he knew he needed to seek refuge somewhere far removed from Virginia. Returning to the place where it all began just seemed fitting somehow. Poetic almost. For the beginning was also the end.

Of all the places he has lived over the course of the last seventeen years, this is the only place Jackson has ever considered to be home. As he crouches down in the tall grass behind his former home, he becomes enthralled with how quickly and slowly time can pass in the same instance. Saying goodbye to his childhood home seems like something that happened a lifetime ago to someone else, yet it happened only yesterday, and it's strikingly familiar.

Having risen from the dead once before, he knows that not finding his body in the harbor will put his pursuers on edge. Only a fool would accept his death as fact without a body at this point, and those who pursue him are not fools. With that being said, coming here was a risk, but his lack of confidence in his ability to manipulate video feed and hide his identity in larger crowds kept him from attending his parents' funeral.

As a child, he always dreaded attending funerals, oftentimes begging to stay home or to sit outside because he found them to be too unbearably sad and uncomfortable. But now, having been kept from attending the funerals of those closest to him, he has a greater appreciation for their purpose. Funerals aren't for the dead. They are for the living. He understands that now.

The circumstances surrounding their deaths prevented him from seeing their bodies. He wasn't there to watch their caskets being lowered into the ground, nor was he ever able to return to their home in Virginia, where he would have certainly been faced with blood-spattered walls and silence. Any or all of those things would have helped to ground him into the reality that they were really gone, and that he would never see them again. Ultimately, that is what he hoped to gain by coming here — closure. But as he settles in the tall grass behind his childhood home, all he feels is sorrow.

The Van De Kamps' former home hasn't changed all that much in their absence. The new owners have painted, changed up the landscaping, and added on a garage, but overall, the rustic farmhouse where he spent the first twelve years of his life has remained relatively untouched by the passage of time.

Jackson wishes he could say the same.

His early childhood was happy, carefree, and uncomplicated. Although they didn't live in a standard neighborhood, other families lived within a reasonable walking distance. The Brooks family, who owned the land adjacent to theirs, had two boys around his age — Ben and Zak. The three of them spent nearly every waking hour together in the summers. Collectively, their families owned a little over 6,000 acres of land, which, in turn, gave them quite a bit of terrain to roam and raise the kind of hell that only little boys are capable of concocting. Their more notable transgressions included but were not limited to: hitting a baseball into a busy highway where it shattered the back window of a brand new four-door Chevy pickup, a magnifying glass mishap that escalated into the incidental burning of an entire wheat field, and poking a hibernating bear. Yes. You heard right. Poking an actual bear. Suffice it to say, the old saying 'don't poke the bear' holds an entirely different meaning to him now than it did before.

Poking of bears aside, the majority of his childhood, although interesting at times, was fairly unremarkable — until the day that it wasn't.

He was nine when it started.

Phase one came in the form of nightmares. Intense night terrors that propelled him out of his bed and sent him screaming into the night. Twice his parents found him in fields behind their home staring up into the sky with his heart racing, clothes soaked with sweat, and tears streaming down his face. When it occurred a second time, they installed latches at the top of all of the exterior doors, in fear that he would end up in the middle of the highway or in one of their irrigation wells before they could wake and calm him.

The doctors had assured his parents that it was only a phase, but when weeks turned into months and months turned into a year, it became apparent that what he was experiencing was more than just a phase. The drugs the doctors prescribed were successful in sedating him, but they did not curve the frequency, intensity, duration, or nature of his dreams.

Phase two began shortly after his tenth birthday. His hair and eyes had always been fair, but in January of 2011, he woke up to the reflection of a boy he didn't recognize. His blue eyes and sandy brown hair had disappeared overnight, transitioning into a deep charcoal brown. Nobody in the medical community had ever seen anything like it, nor could they explain how or why it had occurred. Test after test confirmed that he was healthy and otherwise unaffected, but a sense of unease filled their home nonetheless.

The night terrors and physical transformation each snapped something within him, unraveling him into a child no one recognized. Within a year, he transitioned from being the light-hearted, jokester with lots of friends into a fearful, shy, and awkward isolationist. It was as if he was a completely different person altogether — mentally and physically. The friendships he had developed within the first ten years of his life slowly dissolved. One by one, they all eased away until there was no one left. Then the bullying began.

First came the inquisitive stares and whispers, which were quickly followed by finely pointed questions that only rude children ask.

"What are you? Some kind of alien?"

It was fairly common knowledge that he was adopted, which only served to make matters worse.

"Jack wasn't born, he was hatched. That's why he can change his coloring like an iguana. What color will you make your hair and eyes tomorrow — Jack?"

"I hear that he hangs out in the fields a lot. He's probably waiting for the mothership."

The digs were endless, and he didn't cope with any of it well. At first, he cried a lot, but he learned very quickly that ten-year-old boys can't cry on playgrounds. Witnessed tears added a whole new layer to his misery. It was if he had opened Pandora's Box to hell.

Jerry Marriott was the worst of the bunch. He coined the name Alien Jack — AJ for short, and it stuck. Soon, nobody other than the teachers called him by his given name.

Thankfully, summer arrived, providing him with a much-needed reprieve from hell.

His parents had hoped that the summer would bring Ben and Zak back, but it didn't. When he wasn't helping his father on the farm, he would walk through the fields alone, which troubled his parents far more than it ever bothered him. The silence was far more favorable than the alternative. School had taught him that much.

Midsummer, his father returned home from an errand with a large box. Since it was the first time he had seen either of his parents genuinely smile in weeks, he knew immediately that whatever was in the mystery box was a much bigger deal than the new dirt bike they had given him for his birthday. They had been placating him for weeks. Making special meals, renting extra movies and video games …any and everything they could think of to try to lift the depressive fog that hung over him. But that day had been different, their smiles were confident and infectious, and when he opened the box, he understood why.

Inside the box was a small wiggling ball of energy. A chocolate lab puppy with large animated brown eyes and tan tipped paws. To this day, Jackson still refers to that moment as being the happiest moment of his life.

He named him Abe, after Abraham Lincoln, because he ended the period of misery and loneliness that had enslaved him by offering him true and unbridled friendship. For the first time in over a year, Jackson looked forward to getting up in the morning. His mood and overall outlook brightened considerably.

His mother's allergies had always prevented them from having pets, which was why Abe's sudden appearance had come as such a surprise. After his arrival, new kleenex boxes appeared in nearly every room. Her congestion and sneezing fits worsened as Abe aged, but she never once complained. Jackson never really thanked her enough for that. Kids are kind of assholes in that respect. They don't truly grasp the meaning of sacrifice.

Unfortunately, for his family, itchy, watery eyes, and nasal congestion would be on the low end of the totem pole in comparison to the sacrifices that would lie ahead.

Phase three was the most troubling for everyone except him. For him, phase three was the glorious redemption that typically only exists in a bullied preteen's dreams. It began with an excruciating headache and a low-grade fever that kept him in bed for nearly three days. When it waned, the world was different. He's since been asked by numerous medical and mental health professionals to describe it, and the best analogy he has been able to come up with is hibernation. When he woke up on that third day, he felt as if he had woken up for the very first time.

Initially, the difference was subtle — something he could sense but not entirely identify. As the days passed, however, the subtlety faded, and the awareness that he possessed unnatural abilities became more and more apparent. For example, he could gain access to people's innermost thoughts, secrets, and fears by merely making eye contact with them or by being in close proximity to them. He wouldn't call it mind-reading per se, because the information was far too pointed to be ramblings of the mind. No whispers, no visions… just infinite knowledge that would appear in his mind as if it had always been there. He would just know.

Ten-year-old boys aren't the coyest creatures on the planet, and Jackson had been no exception.

Returning to school following his summer reprieve had been difficult. The only thing that got him through each day was the knowledge that Abe would be sitting at the bus stop waiting for him, so the timing of his mysterious illness couldn't have been better… or worse, depending upon your perspective.

His ability to obtain sensitive information was a game-changer. As it turned out, Jerry Marriott had an irrational fear of clowns, slept with a night light and stuffed elephant named 'Snuffy,' and hated the father who abandoned him and his mother to go live with his boyfriend in Nevada.

It was at this juncture that Jackson's name transitioned from being Alien Jack to Alien Jackass.

While his tactics didn't win him any humanitarian of the year awards, it leveled the playing field and facilitated camaraderie. Jackson wasn't Jerry's only target. Lewis Weedin and Jessy Scott were also victims of Jerry's unrelenting treachery. Lewis ate every booger he could find, and Jessy rarely bathed properly, but they were both kind, troubled souls whose home lives were miserable. They made an awkward trio and didn't have a tremendous amount in common aside from their mutual hatred for Jerry. But the knowledge that Jessy's stepfather molested him and that Lewis's mother was a worthless drunk made Jackson all that much more determined to make their time at school more tolerable — and he did.

Exploitation worked for awhile. Instead of calling him names, tripping him in the halls, and smashing his lunch, his peers gave him a wide berth.

What Jackson hadn't anticipated was Jerry's resolve. Revealing Jerry's deepest secrets had taken the terror level down a few notches and given Jackson some breathing room, but beneath Jerry's seemingly calm and avoidant exterior, he was seething and biding his time. Alien Jack was child's play. Teasing him about being an alien, from Jerry's perspective, had always been just that — teasing. All in good fun.

Jerry kept his distance for months, leading Jackson to believe that it was over. It wasn't until Jerry ended up on his bus buddied up with Ben and Zak that he knew something was amiss, and he wasn't wrong.

It started as soon as the bus pulled away.

Abe had been waiting for him in his usual place with his body wiggling from head to toe in anticipation as the bus stopped.

"Nice dog, jackass."

Having already weaponized all the intel he had gathered from Jerry's psyche, there was little left for him to say that hadn't already been broadcasted. Ben and Zak remained silent at Jerry's side but looked rather pleased with themselves for acquiring a new and powerful friend. Abe, oblivious to their tone and intentions, had approached him with his typical after school enthusiasm — wiggling, jumping, and nudging along his side to be petted.

Jackson considered telling Jerry to bug off but thought better of it since he was still a good ten minutes away from home and outnumbered three to one. So instead of commenting, he regarded the three of them as if they were cockroaches and turned to walk away.

Neither he nor Abe saw the rock coming.

The jagged, medium-sized rock struck Abe in his hindquarters, causing him to stumble and yelp. The hurt, confused, and terrified look in Abe's sweet, gentle eyes filled Jackson with a sense of rage that he had never experienced before. And turning to find their snide, taunting smiles and hands filled with rocks only served to intensify that rage.

As he watched them chuckle and tauntingly toss the rocks up into the air, an eerie calm settled over him. In that moment, Jackson felt a lot of things but fear was not one of them.

"Time to see how fast you and your friend can run, jackass," Jerry said, giving Ben and Zak a slight nod before arching to hurl the second rock.

Abe, at this point, was no longer oblivious to their intentions and had begun to growl, but it didn't matter. Before the rock could leave Jerry's hand, he hit the ground — hard.

Ben and Zak immediately dropped their rocks and ran away in terror, leaving Jerry to gasp, sputter, and writhe around in the gravel along the side of the road alone.

Without batting an eye or taking a step in his direction, Jackson had sent Jerry hurling backward with such force that it knocked the wind out of him and broke three of his ribs.

"No," Jackson told him as he moved to stand over him, "you are the one who is going to run."

And Jerry did.

The jagged rock left a gash on Abe's hindquarters right along his hip that required several stitches. But true to his nature, Abe remained standing, wagging his tail and licking Jackson in the face as he knelt down, removed a layer of clothing, and cleaned up the wound as best he could before walking them both home.

The events that followed the bus stop brawl changed all of their lives forever. Within a year, Abe was gone, and his parents were forced to sell their farm, farmhouse, and a good portion of their possessions to avoid bankruptcy.

As he watches the sunset over the top of the trees, Jackson knows he has to get moving. He's already stayed longer than he intended, but it's taken more time than he anticipated to gather the courage to visit the very spot he traveled all this way to see. Rising from his obscured position in the tall grass along the tree line, he makes his way deeper into the woods that line the south side of the property.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, he approaches the clearing where he and his father had laid his one and only true friend to rest. Getting down on his hands and knees, Jackson brushes aside layers of leaves until he finds the flat stone that marks Abe's resting place.

Abe was a true light. The year he spent with Abe was the happiest time of his life. Abe's eyes had always been gentle, loving, and hungry for adventure. Even after all of this time, Jackson can still feel the coldness of his nose, the sloppiness of his kisses, and the sharpness of his toenails. It's been nearly six years, but the emptiness, sorrow, and furry that filled him following Abe's death has never truly waned.

He doesn't stop the tears that stream down his face as he traces the outline of Abe's name chiseled into the stone. His tears aren't for just Abe. He can feel his parents here too. Abe's death took something out of all of them. It was like being struck by lightning: nothing was the same afterward.

In the years that followed their move, he allowed vengeance to drive and shape him, destroying everyone and everything around him. Being powerful is cool, until the day that it isn't. Now, as he kneels in half-frozen leaves overlooking a grave, he realizes that the one ability he longs for the most is one that he doesn't possess. He can't turn back time. If he could, he would rewind to the day he lost Abe with the knowledge that he has today. If he could do that, he wouldn't be kneeling over Abe's grave in the forest. He would be sitting at the kitchen table inside their farmhouse ordering graduation invitations with Abe snoring at his feet.

At the times of their deaths, he wasn't who they deserved.

Now, all that is left of them in this world are their graves and the imprints they've left on him.

His parents had been sweet, gentle, and loving people, who despite everything, never once resented him. They gave him everything they had, and in return, all he had given them was trouble and heartache. And Abe… Abe was just Abe. Always loving. Always happy. Always looking to him to lead, because where Jackson was — was exactly where Abe wanted to be.

Wiping at his tears, he makes a promise to each of them, one he should have made years ago. From this day forward, he's going to be the one they deserved. They may be gone, but they will not be lost for their imprints will now fall on him.

Moving the leaves back to cover Abe's resting place, Jackson blankets his one and only true friend with as much warmth as the environment will allow, comforted by the fact that he will no longer be buried there alone.

Moonlight guides him alongside the highway. The night is silent except for the distinct jingle of tags and clicking of nails against the asphalt. Should somebody happen upon him tonight, they will find a quick friend in a lively chocolate lab with tan tipped paws, a green collar, soulful eyes, and a smile that begs for adventure. What they won't see is a troubled teenage boy or a monster.

Cloaked in a true spirit of light, William heads due south in search of the man who is referred to in his visions only as Praise.

AN: This is a chapter from a larger work you find here.

I'm not going to lie, this was an emotional chapter for me to write. In S11, we were introduced to a young man who was insanely powerful and a bit of an asshole. After 18 years of buildup, I expected more and was devastated that we didn't get it, which is why I made the decision to write a more William-centered story. His arc was important to me. There was a story there that wasn't told, and I'm determined to tell it. For those of you here strictly for the MSR, don't fret... without Mulder and Scully there are no X Files ;)

And, as always, a HUGE thank you to my betas @kikocrystalball, @admiralty-xfd, and @suilven19 for their edits and encouragement… because nobody gets there alone ;)

#the x files #william arc #x files season 12 #x files fanfic

51 notes · View notes

pranavthepp · 6 years

Text

Last few days of college life : Part 2

I want this write up to be story like than like a flash back rhetoric which most of the story sounds like, hence I will emphasize more on what to do than what not to do in MBA, this should act like a template for you to follow if you ever intend to pursue MBA degree in your life.And if you have already done it , then this can be a good relatable story for you. I once again repeat that this template is entirely from my view and not as a standard or a norm which should be followed .So let’s begin with our 1 st lesson.

Lesson 1: All that glitters is not gold

As much ridicule now, then it was like the moment of happiness un-explainable. Well let’s just say that I was struggling with my admissions, and this turned out to be blessing in disguise. In just a blip the college began with so called Foundation Fortnight which in itself is a conundrum till date. It involved interacting with the business delegates making us sit in one place all day. Making the delegates sit in that impeccable auditorium and letting them deliver session was rather a nice ego boosting exercise for them and a nice way for college to market their students who probably had no sense of how really the businesses work. But then may be that is how our college does it’s branding exercise. No matter how absurd it sounded to us , it was a nice ice breaking session for us students. The friends made then became pals soon after.

You know how before buying a product you go through various media to know about the product, and then after evaluating you make a decision with your cognizance, similarly before taking admission in any college how mesmerized you are by the seeing the college and it’s brochure. It is only after you purchase you realize it is not the product you saw. It happens to everyone of us , don’t worry.

When I said All that glitters is not gold , I was not referring to any false promises , what I was actually referring to was for you not to get carried away by just seeing the glitter. Coming back to the story, as our lectures commenced I learned that MBA was nothing like I anticipated , by that I mean that I thought there would be so much work to do that there wont be any time for leisure. See ,we Engineers are so much not used to the term leisure because it never existed for us, all throughout the semester all we did was either attend lectures or write assignments. So when it came to MBA I was on default Engineering mode wherein I was like Bring it on bi**ch , but sooner I realized that MBA was pretty chilled out , all time I had was leisure time.

Except for few subjects like Statistics , Marketing Principles,Financial management, Operations management all the other subjects were there just to exist, to give a nice analogy , remember between all the main subjects in the school we used to have a subject called EVS (Environmental Science) , which literally meant study leave for us, that is what rest of the subjects were to me in MBA. When I look back from here , I often ask myself this question , What did I really learn in my 2 yrs of MBA? And then chuckle at my own joke.

Lesson 2: Choose friends wisely

Now this may come across as a parental advice , but believe me it is not. Looking for right set of friends is as important exercise as looking for a partner. You check for the compatibility , you see if you’ll have similar liking , you see if you’ll gel well and then you go ahead with it. Now some argue that this necessarily may not be the case , You make friends naturally when you develop a good rapport with someone , yes that is true but that doesn’t necessarily mean you are choosing them wisely. One may develop a good rapport with a person who lives blithely and is way too casual about his/her life, but if your goals are non-aligned with the person then it doesn’t add value to you.

One may say that you don’t need to be calculative while making friends , I blatantly deny that , one should be. Qualities like Trust, Loyalty, Honesty always should come into picture while selecting friends and by friends I mean close friends and not just acquaintances. I always had categorized people I know in to four baskets.

1. Just Acquaintances : These people are there just to exist from your perspective, they may be your fellow classmates or batch mates. Keeping good relations with them is important but not necessary, it’s like not having any tiff with them and just maintaining a smiling face with them.

2. Important Acquaintances: Important acquaintances play a vital role and should be kept closer for they are the ones who come to your rescue when in need. You have to come out of your inhibitions to ensure you have a long lasting relationship with them despite of your not so good rapport with them. It can be your Professors, Lab Assistants, Secretary , Gen Sec of college, Placement cell etc.

3. Good Rapport: These are the ones you know well, and don’t mind hanging out with. You are comfortable working with them, and are compatible too. You maintain good relations with them so that mutually you’ll can help each other. It is also important to maintain Good rapport with them for you should not be left idle while making Project groups. To give you a example , one of my colleague was a quintessential sincere and smart guy, but when it came to forming project group he was picked last or so to say he never bothered to build a rapport with anyone. Essentially whenever it came to forming groups he was in soup. So here being smart and sincere didn’t really help. It’s the hard truth of forming Groups for projects in MBA ; Your groups are not formed on the basis of merit but on basis of rapport between colleagues.

4. Close Friends: These are essentially your lifelines in MBA without which your college would have no meaning. These are your 2am friends, where in you don’t put any clauses for being friends with them. And to have such friends , you need to put efforts. Yes, you heard right, efforts, because friendship is never one way, it is always a two way thing. And to showcase how much friendship means to you , you need to showcase it by caring and sacrificing to gain the stature of close friendship. There where lies sacrifices , lies true friendship. People respond to loyalty than anything else.

Lesson 3: Keep learning new things

My college follows a trimester pattern , which means we have three exams a year. In my 3rd Trimester , I decided to be a part time intern with one of the Crypto exchange based out of Delhi. To understand their business I had to go through basics of the technology which is used by Cryptos. It intrigued me so much so that I went through many research papers and citations to an extent where I myself decided to write a research paper on Blockchain technology. Sadly I couldn't complete it but the efforts of hundreds of hours put on the same didn’t go waste. It yielded me during my placement interviews.

The learning should not be restricted to academics, if you have a hobby, make sure you don’t stop it and give a serious thought to it. I would’ve never made my poetry public if it were not for my perseverance to perform on stage. I now know so much about verses and diction in poetry that I could’ve ever gotten if I were to stay only bookish. So don’t stop learning, be it enhancing your skills or hobby or knowledge.

Lesson 4: Don’t F**k around

You read that right , be clear of your goals while pursuing MBA. Don’t mess with your attendance and Professors . Lesson 2 and 3 will help you to not f**k around as long as you are willing not to. I used to constantly remind myself if any such thoughts of skipping lectures lingered around my mind, constantly reminding that I am shelling 2k each hour, and if I skip it , I am putting 4k in Gutter. Try to stay in good books of the professor and if not in good books then it’s better not to be in the books at all than being in bad books. I learned this lesson the hard way when I was almost failing in one of the subjects because of my relations with the Professor.

Lesson 5: MBA is about peers than about academia

Remember what I said about friendship in lesson 4 , well there is a reason to it. Most people forget the essence of doing MBA and keep their perspective limited to academia. What most people fail to realize is that, it is your peers who will one day be at a managerial positions of other companies and they are the ones would be of help in near future if you have to do business with their companies.

Also majority of the leaning will happen outside the class, so when you have peers who are as curious and hungry as you are, then there will be development and grooming.

Lesson 6: Extra curricular is must

Extra curricular activities not only help you professionally but also personally. So participate in any credible competitions , there will be hundreds of competitions coming, but you’ve to choose which are the ones holding credibility in market. It helps you to get exposure to students from other colleges.

Lesson 7: Read as much as you can

There is so much to study about business administration that honestly speaking two years is not enough. Reading will help you to atleast get closer to that. And when I say reading I am referring to non-academic reading. Your library should be your second classroom.

Reading can be divided further into different categories:

1. News Papers/magazines : This will keep you updated about whereabouts of the industry and the business world. Sadly very few are able to keep up to it , so I suggest to atleast read from the app daily. I strongly would recommend not to read any times series of news papers like economic times, TOI, Times magzine etc , they speak the language of the ruling party which may not give you credible news. Read papers like The Hindu, Deccan Chronicles, Mint , Business standards , Business line.

2. Fiction: It is okay to read fictional books so to develop the habit of reading at a nascent stage where you are new to reading, Pick any fiction series you like , no reading is a waste of reading after all.

3. Non-fiction: This may include Management related books, a biography or an auto biography of a business tycoon may help you get a perspective and thus help you form your own opinion. Mind you having opinion is very important when it comes to MBA because if you don’t have any views or opinions of your own, you don’t have any direction.

Lesson 8: Real ideas come only at Chai Tapri

The only place which can replace a boardroom or a brainstorm room is chai tapri. Real ideas flow at chai tapri after sipping on some adrak ki chai. It may also happen that you may not be a chai or a coffee person but just to know what I mean to say, you need to accompany your friends at tapri. Most complex to complex problems have been solved so far at the tapri in these two years, the tapri is the life of any MBA graduate student so to say. To put an analogical reference , chai tapri is the counselor for students, it resolves complex to complex problems of students, we proudly call it chai ka katta.

So to just put together the experience of two years in a nutshell, the real learning in MBA happens outside the class. I am not being modest but these were my best two years of life, the people I met, the experience , the whole aura was worth the time. And as the saying goes That was one hell of a roller coaster.

#article #story #My Story #blog #blogger

2 notes · View notes

fyeahfantasticfour · 7 years

Note

Hey, I really love this blog! It has been great to go through it during this time while the team is absent. I have a question: What do you think about Marvel possibly making 616 Sue a doctor? Not a genius scientist like Reed (which is where I think Ultimate FF went wrong with her),but a medic of some kind is missing from the team and it's a role not occupied by Reed. There are panels of having to operate at times throughout the FF's history (do you have panels?). I think it would be good for her

Thank you! I’m glad you like it! :)

I honestly don’t know how I feel about Sue becoming a doctor because her father was a famous surgeon and he was…not a great person. The worst, really. I don’t know if I want a story where she idolized him so much that she became a doctor. I already don’t like that canon has never really acknowledged how shitty her dad was -- they even had her name her son after him. And then there’s the fact that being a doctor is a stereotypically feminine caretaking role, so…I don’t know, I’m not crazy about it for several reasons. There is an alternate version of Sue in Fantastic Four v3 #48 who has a good relationship with her father and becomes a doctor, if you’re interested.

And, to be honest, I think that in this day and age Sue absolutely needs to be written as Reed’s equal – if not better – in every conceivable way, including her intellect. Canon’s been trending that way for a while, which I’m glad of – the original balance of power between them is no longer acceptable. Of course, that doesn’t mean she has to be a scientist – I think people have a disturbing tendency to equate intelligence with the possession of scientific knowledge, which I disagree with strongly. Alicia Masters, for instance, is not a scientist, but she is certainly a genius, and her artistic knowledge should not be presented as less valuable or important than Reed’s scientific knowledge. So no matter what Sue’s occupation is, she should be depicted as being in possession of a startling and formidable intellect.

Personally, I like to think that 616 Sue is a genius, but she has been the victim of unfortunate life circumstances and a series of personal tragedies that prevented her from attaining the level of formal education that would have allowed her to become analogous to 1610 Sue or even 616 Reed.

More under the cut!

She was neglected as a child by her bitter, bickering parents; this was followed soon after by her mother’s tragic death in a car accident; her father’s descent into alcoholism and gambling, which ultimately led to the loss of the family fortune and the impoverishment of the Storm siblings; her father’s life imprisonment after he accidentally killed his loan shark, which meant Sue and Johnny had to go live with their Aunt Marygay; and then, somehow, Sue ended up with custody of Johnny at some point in her late teens and was left raising him and working to support them both, which Johnny says at one point in Human Torch v2 12 meant that she was unable to finish college and earn a degree. And there are hints in 616 that she’s actually incredibly smart. She picks up quite a lot about science just by listening to her husband, which she wouldn’t be capable of if she weren’t brilliant to begin with:

So, yeah, I like to think of 1610 Sue as what 616 Sue could and should have become if she hadn’t lost both of her parents and wound up having to take on the burden of raising Johnny at such a young age.

Besides, Sue’s got a better head for business than Reed (who is AWFUL at it – how many times did the FF go bankrupt while he was in charge of their finances?) and she is, I’m pretty convinced, a better strategist and leader than he is. I enjoy her characterization in the Marvel Adventures Universe specifically because it spotlights her leadership abilities – in that universe, she’s a founding member and the leader of both the Fantastic Four and the Avengers, and I love it.

I have to admit also that I actually very much enjoy 616 Sue as the CEO of Fantastic Four, Inc., although I do think that more narrative space and importance should be given to it. If she is running a multinational corporation and multiple charities (which she is)…that is time-consuming and difficult. How does she have time to do that AND juggle her responsibilities as celebrity, superhero, part-time SHIELD agent, mom, wife, and the Queen of Old Atlantis? This is why I would kill for a solo Sue comic – she is Marvel’s very first female superhero, and she deserves one, and I think there is so much story there to tell! Canon hasn’t focused as much on Sue as it should – Sue POV issues are comparatively rare. Besides, every member of the Fantastic Four except Sue has had a solo series – even Franklin has – and I think we all know why she’s the only one who hasn’t gotten her own comic. But she is such a dynamic, badass, complex, and fascinating character, not to mention the fact that she is the most powerful member of the Fantastic Four, which means that she is also one of the most powerful superheroes in the Marvel Universe. She has taken down Doom and the armies of Latveria on her own, she has fended off attacks from Celestials, made seasoned supervillains faint just by talking to them, taken down the Avengers in about thirty seconds flat…

So when she comes back, I want to see her mentoring younger female heroes, as she’s done with both Anya Corazon and Jean Grey. I want there to be more focus on Sue’s friendships with other women, like Alicia Masters, Sharon Ventura, Jen Walters, Janet Van Dyne, and especially her relationship with her daughter Valeria (I think the fact that Val’s brilliant has meant that a lot of focus has shifted to her relationship with Reed rather than Sue, but Val’s ruthlessness definitely comes from Sue, not Reed). I want to know more about Sue’s relationships with her aunt and her mother – we don’t even know what her mother did for a living. We don’t know what happened to her aunt – is she alive? Did she die too? Is that why Sue had to take custody of Johnny so unexpectedly? There’s so much focus on the men in her life, and virtually none on the women. Just. An issue where Valeria and Sue talk about Val’s grandmother! Her Great Aunt Marygay! Anything! Basically, more of this:

I want to know more about Sue’s struggles running Fantastic Four, Inc. It must have been difficult at first – she was a failed actress turned superhero turned CEO. Come on. A beautiful woman with not much in the way of professional credentials or business experience, running the company she and her husband founded together? She would have been dismissed by misogynistic old businessmen as a pretty face and an empty head, she would have faced sexist remarks, condescension, and underestimation from all sides. There are so many Sue stories left to tell!

I mostly just want her to be given the respect and admiration she deserves – by writers, artists, and fans alike.

#asks #susan storm #mod: lamujerarana #Anonymous #long post

10 notes · View notes

goffilolo · 7 years

Text

Demise of Midoriya Izuku (part 4)

I will be leaving for a holiday in a couple of days, so there will be no posts for about 2 weeks. But I hope that you like what I’ve made so far. the fic can also be found on ao3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/26605557

“-we used to be really good friends when we were little, always playing together, pretending to be heroes, admiring All Might, we were practically inseparable.” Izuku smiled fondly upon recalling some of his only pleasant memories that were brought to him by the very person who later became his tormentor. “Kacchan always stood out from other kids, always the smartest, the loudest, the most confident. The teachers always praised him, the kids always admired him, myself included. Kacchan was just so amazing at everything, and as a kid I looked up to him. He was the leader and I followed after him, that’s kinda how our friendship worked, it wasn’t perfect, but it was the happiest time of my life.”

Izuku was currently sitting in Shin’s office and spilling his sorry excuse of a backstory to him, because you know, it’s their third session, so he might as well get a bit personal.

“So when Kacchan’s quirk manifested, but mine didn’t...things went downhill so to say. And now I’m here” he said, voice full of remorse as he gestured to himself and then to Shin.

For the most part, the doctor’s face remained neutral, not giving away a hint of his thoughts. Perhaps the lack of visible reaction or judgement is what allowed Izuku to open up so easily, or perhaps it might be Shin’s quirk, he still hasn’t figured out what it is and made it his little goal to try and find out the mystery that is Shin’s quirk. As much as it was Shin’s job to observe Izuku during their sessions and uncover what lies deep inside his mind, Izuku was quite an observer himself if his we’re-not-talking-about-it notebooks are anything to go by. Being analysed by the psychiatrist always left him feeling vulnerable, so in his mind he concluded that observing and analyzing Shin would give him a bit of an advantage behind the closed doors of the doctor’s office and make him feel a bit stronger, after all knowledge is power as they say.

So far Izuku hasn’t observed much given the doctor’s ‘god tier’ poker face. However every now and then when talking about the mistreatment he received due to his quirklessness, Shin’s face becomes overshadowed by his distaste for a couple of seconds before rewinding back to the masquerade of professionalism. One could say that it’s a sign of his sympathetic nature, however his emotional display wasn’t aimed at Izuku, that much is clear. If anything, it was a slip, meaning that whatever Izuku said must’ve struck a chord within Shin enough to make him show emotion within the sterile, professional environment. Izuku is not sure what that means yet, but he’ll find out soon enough.

Finally, after remaining silent for most of the session Shin looks up from his clipboard, locking his eyes with Izuku, looking ready to throw some smart sounding Freudian analogy, Izuku thinks, except it wasn’t that...

“From what I see your early childhood was probably the best time of your life, understandably so, but what that means is you’re desperately holding onto the things from the past. You’ve been holding onto a sliver of hope that things could go back to the way they were before with this Kacchan, which contributed to the abuse on his part. I see this often in victims of abuse; the cycle of forgiving and putting up with the tormentor’s behaviour, except it doesn’t do any good. That old label of a ‘childhood friend’ is what stops you from accepting the way things are. You have to understand that while it is true that Kacchan was a good friend and you’ve made many good memories, that is no longer the case, people can change, often for worse, and you don’t have to hold onto the people who hurt you.”

...it hit much closer than Izuku would’ve liked.

“Wow, what an impressive word vomit” he said, because right now he felt like his insides were exposed, and sarcasm seemed like a good deflection from the metaphorical guts spilling out of his mind.

“Izuku, take this seriously for once”

“iZUku, tAkE ThIS SeRIoUsLy FoR oNcE”

Shin does not look impressed.

“Oooh someone’s in trouble, that’s me, I’m in trouble. I don’t know why I said that.”

At that Shin stands up, clearly out of patience. Izuku wonders if he always runs out of patience this quickly or if it’s just with Izuku.

“You know what?! I was hoping you could cooperate with me and that I could help you like a good psychiatrist I’m trying to be, I really was! But if all you contribute to our sessions are snarky comments I guess I should drop the professional approach or I’ll never get to you!!!”

“Oh, you do get to me, quite a bit actually, hence the snarky comments, defence mechanism and all that.”

“Alright then, let me be brutally honest with you! You admire Kacchan for whatever fucking reason, he might have some admirable qualities, that’s fine, BUT!-” at this point Shin is standing over Izuku, in an agressive ‘I care about you’ manner. “-that does not excuse his behaviour! He hurt you, he humiliated you! And I’m sorry that he did all of this to you, but you have to face your repressed rage that should’ve been directed at him all this time! Admiration and hatred are not mutually exclusive states, so repeat after me! KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!” he chanted with fists raised in the air.

“Kacchan is a piece of shit.”

“Louder, I can’t hear you!”

“KACCHAN IS A PIECE OF SHIT!”

“GOOD!”

And so Izuku and his psychiatrist ended up chanting ‘Kacchan is a peice of shit’ back and forth for about ten minutes or so before a nurse came in, clearly concerned about all the shouting, which left the two in a rather awkward silence afterwards. The continued to stare at the door even after the nurse has left.

“So…” Izuku started, trying to slowly break the painful silence.

“That wasn’t very professional of me, sorry about that.” Shin suddenly bursted out, clearly embarrassed by his own earlier behaviour.

“Don’t apologise, it was the greatest thing that has happened to me since being admitted to this nuthouse.” replied Izuku with a small, but genuine smile that marred his face.

“Still, such outbursts on my part are unbecoming of a doctor. I have dealt with more difficult patients than you in the past and still managed.” said the doctor, quickly reverting back to his professionals stance.

“That means I’m special.”

“Don’t get cocky, Izuku.”

“Thank you”

Turning around, Shin looked at his patient, face of a poster child for confusion.

“Really, thank you. That’s exactly what I needed, to get all of this shouted into my head, since I never allowed myself to say or think those things, so I’d rather have you be as unprofessional as possible if it can help me.”

“Sure, but don’t tell anyone, or I might just lose my licence” replied Shin, chuckling to himself.

Their session unfortunately came to an end. Shin had to attend other patients and Izuku had...not much to do to be honest. He was hoping to maybe catch Mrs. Todoroki and have another chat with her, since he has found the woman’s company to be quite pleasant. His wish came true when upon being wheeled out of the office he spotted the white haired woman sitting in a chair next to the office.

“Mrs. Todoroki! I didn’t know you were seeing Shin after me.”

“Oh no, I already saw him today. I was actually hoping to whisk you away for a little chat, unless you have something better to do.”

“You know I don’t” said Izuku.

“So...who is this Kacchan and why is he a piece of shit?”

Well shit.

#bnha #demise of midoriya izuku #fanfic #demise!au #midoriya izuku

57 notes · View notes

mrmichaelchadler · 6 years

Text

The Breaker Uppers

If you dare to forage beyond the backstabbing mean girls of “Bride Wars”-like fare, movies on true female friendships are a staggering scarcity, at least in mainstream cinema. So rare that when you see an indie about a mutually committed, zesty duo like Mel and Jen—respectively portrayed by sharp-humored New Zealander comedians Madeleine Sami and Jackie van Beek—you take immediate note of its quiet rebellion. Not that the thirty-to-fortysomething ladies of “The Breaker Upperers,” a marvelously kooky, occasionally laugh-out-loud funny buddy comedy, haven’t had their own share of rivalry once upon a time, after learning that the same romantic interest (Cohen Holloway) played them both behind their backs over a decade ago. But instead of turning that analogous heartbreak into enmity, the savvy women joined forces and launched a questionably lucrative venture of, well, breaking couples apart. If you have always dreaded an awkward break-up conversation with your significant other that would set you free from a dysfunctional relationship, these cynical business partners and their ethically dubious methods might just be your remedy.

We meet Mel and Jen in alarmingly fake-looking cop uniforms, sitting around the kitchen table of a respectable suburban home while the grieving fresh widow Anna (Celia Pacquola) sobs about her deceased husband. Or so she thinks; as the cowardly man had apparently decided to continue his life elsewhere and hired the services of Mel and Jen to deliver the news of his make-believe drowning. This case serves as our introduction to the work of these eccentric, equal-opportunity home-wreckers—they interfere with both straight and gay couples, offering them customized packages like “the other woman”— who hilariously move from case to heartbreaking case with the cruel efficiency of an “it’s not you, it’s me” ex.

While it’s hard to explain how the pair’s morally bankrupt schemes continually birth uproarious circumstances—and there are many throughout “The Breaker Upperers”—rest assured that the otherworldly Kiwi sense of humor of Sami and van Beek (also the writer-directors of the film) clicks into place in due course. It’s a wry type of wit cemented in their remote island—much drier than the comedy of a Paul Feig film and light-years more sophisticated than anything on SNL. (It’s no coincidence that Taika Waititi, who comes from the same discipline of comedy, executive produced the film). But perhaps the greatest reward of “The Breaker Upperers” is the journey its many absurdities take—they mature alongside Mel and Jen, who discover both a renewed sense of camaraderie and an awakening, guilty conscience in each other. What jumpstarts their advancement ironically happens to be a new breakup case, initiated by the loveable teenager Jordan (James Rolleston). Failing (or rather, fearing) to end his relationship with his tough girlfriend Sepa (Ana Scotney)—Jordan’s cryptic text emojis understandably get lost on her—Jordan resorts to our professionals to tame Sepa’s anger management issues and falls for Mel along the way.

Light on its feet but conceived with impressive care for its brand of quirk, “The Breaker Upperers” is embellished with various nostalgic, late ‘80s/early ‘90s references (Technotronic, Céline Dion and grungy fashions galore) as well as pointed but non-didactic observations on race, class and womanhood. Undaunted by silly physical comedy, foul-mouthed jokes and an array of sexually very active females—chief of them being Jen’s perennially sex-hungry socialite of a mother Shona (Rima Te Wiata, exceptional), who acts like she’s casually wandered off “Boogie Nights” and landed here—“The Breaker Upperers” is often a riot with its buffet of straight-faced goofballs with average smarts. The film’s ending might be a bit too tidy for its own good, but not since “For A Good Time, Call…” did a friendly, female-centric kiss-and-make-up feel this satisfying.

from All Content http://bit.ly/2EaicSM

0 notes

ferrellcody · 4 years

Text

How Do I Know If I Should Get Back With My Ex Awesome Useful Ideas

That way, you can do is to do or where to start, you have to know how to get him back while and allow you to SHOW her that you need to first analyze where things stand between you and not typed or text message them except maybe just to be angry but this article I reveal a secret for you.However, there are several simple tips that others don't.If you find yourself fully recovered from the present and look at the moment.This is very likely to pick up the subject of working things out, and we were back together again.

Gradually, she may not give you to get my boyfriend and I would make this big show of kissing and clinging to your ex, he/she will take time if you do during the breakup.The worst things you have to see if a negative thought comes up in the same whether you can try new activities that you are about the relationship work.You could do is break off any contact whatsoever.Instead do it the longer we spend our time thinking about mistakes that people make when they will not take her off to a reconciliation process and get your ex and I was angry, hurt and angry that she never intends to come back to friends and tried to tell people that were really not a shameful placement of my shoe.They tend to leave while saying you'll call him several times a day, or try to avoid it if you continue to beg you to do.

Try not to do, just not possible that you do run into him again.In other words, arguing will never be tried.However, it is possible you understand what he's saying to yourself.Sure, it's been bruised and beaten up, but it can never outweigh forgiveness.You could also try to understand that getting your ex for a week or so before you proceed further.

They are the most powerful technique is very important for you to completely withdraw yourself from embarrassment and don't give a damn about him even further away.Seeking out professional help from someone we loved our girlfriends.Swallow your pride, and show what is it awkward, strange?Show her that you would hear from me, and it won't always be there for her:The best thing that has proven to get your ex for a talk.

You need time to try and force her to take you back as soon as you some tips and tricks to get your girlfriend back?So here we have all sorts of reasons. some are complex.You both have had a part is the fact that we were still in love with you and your ex thinking: Are they having more fun than them?Is her behavior toward you getting your ex back, which one can say to get your ex back quickly.Do you feel ready to talk things over and over the place.

You are not sure about the things you used to love me?These are just pushing them further away.You can know more about you and how things were different.While she will remember the good times begin to talk to him and confessing how much you could make things right and good note for the both of you.This is the romantic gentleman will take some time.

Getting a lover back in his tracks no matter what caused her to you yet, so be worthwhile, have some problems.I can't possibly cover all of your relationship was and what you're going to cause the ex back in your head and stay out of your normal life back on track.Find out the product that I needed them but I did was take some time, and it's okay I've been exactly where you're at this moment, I grasp what you're doing.While it can make a better chance of you become too comfortable with herself for breaking up also.At the same time most relationships can be restored in very little explanations, and remember what attracted him to see what he is not going to end badly.

Today, I want to get your ex back is quite natural, don't make it happen.This is how I behaved, wrong about you from making things right?You'd want to repair your marriage, allow him to realize is that it may be the most important thing at this stage could spell the end they are quite high.All of a rut and restore the relationship, it consumes your energy is probably somewhere in the eyes are the 5 worst mistakes people make when attempting to hold relationships together.When you see to help you get your girlfriend back, you need to know how you are now already married for over two years now and start dating.

Make Your Ex Fall Back In Love With You

A friendship that you might just be blowing your chance to reflect about what happened.He never listened to her about stuff, and if you follow these 4 tips to getting your girlfriend back, do not engage in conversation.Here's some critical steps you will blow it, make sure that you were controlling or possessive, always ordering her around and think only about getting your ex back?The challenge now is not contingent on resumption of a break up is never too late!There are factors that can help you to keep yourself busy.

Under going depression and grief - all you can let those habits go.Also, you need him back with an expensive gift in order to succeed.Some of the bad news will often determine whether you are sorry.Well, everything is possible to reverse all the love and affection back, you must also remember that, because I have called upon psychics, regarding my analogy but my point is scarcity, or wanting what we could patch thing up.The four move techniques contain up to you again you have recently gone through a whole new life going there - they formulate a Plan that will make her want you to pick yourself up before doing anything further, you need to get your girl back is to accept that your chance to see you after having some much required time apart, then let them have some differences you need to be a slow thing that you have made, and promptly correct them.

Second, know the reasons why it is just like I did, and you'd take it one step ahead of you get started.His video is split into 4 stages, which are usually able to adapt as you wish to salvage their broken hearts before they even do this and you will probably not have to be temporary.There are a prize worth catching - an independent spirit who is more receptive than when the time that I mean really tap into it's power to get in touch with them the time to move on.Finally realizing the value of being lost that might not reply.To get your ex back, I will just come off as needy is actually something that she has any inclination to get your girlfriend back!

Let her realize that I may end up in the first step because you no longer felt the same mistake.Don't be hysterical and beg her to come back to my delight, about 7 days after I told you that you and your ex.I knew that it WILL work for your situation.All these sings can effect your ability to change yourself.It won't always be easy...but if it was all that matters.

But what signs should you do it as a sign of being lost that might be hope.This is the romantic gentleman will take over the rough spots of life.However, you must be really easy to forget him without success and may lead to fighting day after day, which can then lead to more problems.Now is a whole range of emotions, emotions running through your finger.It will also help you through the break up is another important factor that needs convincing anyways, right?

All these are bad for whatever it may not be that they are with, but indifference.Now remember, at this time, you're still thinking about her, or show up at her front door.Make it difficult for the offer, explaining that you are friends now and then.However, you don't know what to say and do whatever it is an altogether a different person.Of course, they may have listed as his wife may have to pull yourself together and an attraction that will help you to panic and implore, he will always waiting for them to rebuild our relationship.

How To Make My Ex Boyfriend Want Me Back

#How Do I Know If I Should Get Back With My Ex Awesome Useful Ideas #How Can U Get Your Ex Back

0 notes

gingermeisie · 4 years

Text

connections and deformities

One or two days into the lockdown I found myself sending out How are you’s to friends on WhatsApp, checking in with people I hadn’t spoken to in a while. I will always remember how one of my oldest friends in Germany once said that friendships are work. She is a proper working bee, and always put in the work to check in, and makes time for friends. Even my American friend here in Cape Town said something along these line to me at the beginning. She said that when a friendship is rather fresh, she tries to invest a bit more time, to strengthen the initial connection, to not have the friendship run dry. I am not even that strategic about my professional life.

For me, this is a weird way to think about friendships, even though I also catch myself making dishonest moves. Being liked is important to me, as much as I would like to let it go. It makes me dependent, and I don’t like that. Setting up coffee dates that I am not really keen for. Why? Even now, all these appointed videocalls that both parties keep on pushing out. I never quite understood if it is because the appointment was made beforehand and when the day arrives my mood might have changed, or if it’s the person. Or is it me not properly checking in with myself, as to what I truly want or need? However, I feel that I crave some people’s company. My friend whose couch I had crashed a few weeks ago, just sent me a message and I could say to her honestly, that I had missed her.

Surround yourself with people you aspire to be. This is what someone said to me once, our conversation revolved around how to choose the place you want to work at. I think it is true for many other parts of life, too. It blew my mind when I read Haruki Murakami today, and he basically spoke about isolation from the outside world. In his book, the setting offering isolation is a sanatorium. The protagonist speaks about how he doesn’t find a place for himself in the world. The sanatorium serves as a space where people carry their ‘deformities’ openly, and where everyone lives quietly not to hurt someone else. Everyone has these deformities, people in the outside world are just not consciously engaging with them. Ultimately, it is not about correcting the ‘deformation’, but about learning to live with it. Some people get stuck in the sanatorium; they suddenly feel the outside world is not a healthy environment to live in.

I find this such a beautiful analogy for how to live life, and how to learn to accept yourself, also in relation to others. Murakami further says that some people can open their hearts, and others cannot. The ones who can have the opportunity to become better people. Yet, I have also learned that opening your heart can be very risky, and there are people, who can be dangerous when too close to you. In the sanatorium, every single person is good at something, and everyone uses their skill(s) to help and teach others. What a beautiful community. But then in real life, there is capitalism.

Currently, there is no outside world. I connect with people differently, and for the longest time, I was running away from connecting with myself. Afraid of what I would find, what I would feel. The outside world is releasing me from its clutches more and more, there are no appointments to go to, no deadlines to adhere to except the ones I create myself, no Trello boards to work off.

My boyfriend and I have been very gentle with each other. I can feel how loving he is, even if he expresses his understanding way quieter than I do. Yesterday, I was irritable because he worked until 11 o’clock, on his second day at the new job. I think I am afraid that things will just continue the way they were. And he might be, too. But it is also good that he still has a job, I guess. When I shut myself off last night, I really tried hard to come out of my shell. Before we went to bed, I apologized to him that I didn’t want to make things about myself. He accepted my apology. The only love there is, is the love we make.

#lockdown #southafrica #coronavirus #thoughts #feelings #1thoughtstories

0 notes

practically-in-my-own-universe · 5 years

Text

It Keeps Happening

I don’t know if it’s because I’m choosing the wrong people to be close in my life, or because I’m so easily a mat that people can just walk on, but this past week I’ve had to let go of another best friend. A little over a year of friendship has been very abruptly cut off. For the sake of confidentiality, I’m going to name this person “Gray.”

For the past year, it’s safe to say that 70% of our friendship has been me being a counselor for Gray and doing everything in my power to make sure she stays on this earth and doesn’t take her own life. The past few months have been particularly a very dark season in this person’s life. Depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts have taken over her mind. I’ve lost sleep, I’ve gotten behind on my school work, I’ve sacrificed practice and study time, even my own self-care to be there for her. I was really stressing out because if I ever wasn’t there for her, she would give me this immature attitude and be rude.

I spoke with someone that I deeply trust about this (we’ll call him Ricky), because I didn’t know what to do, and this is the conversation that happened:

Me: I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Ricky: What is your main priority in your life right now?

M: ...School. Getting my master’s degree.

R: Okay, then you can’t let anybody or anything get in the way of that.

M: I want to help her.

R: If she is having suicidal thoughts in the frequency that she is having them, and the depression is as bad as you say it is, then she needs a professional psychiatrist or a licensed counselor. If you broke your ankle, would you want me to wrap it up with a bandage and ask you to walk, or would you want me to take you to a doctor that knows how to properly fix it?

M: The doctor of course.

R: Exactly. You’re in your master’s degree now. This is a place in life where you’re going to see who sticks around and who slowly becomes part of your past, but do not let anyone get in the way of your goals and your dreams.

With this in mind, I told Gray that I wanted to talk to her. I told her in the most loving way that I possibly could, that she needs a licensed counselor. For months I have been doing everything that I can to help, but it’s not working. You’re not getting any better. I told her the ankle analogy. I told her that as her friend that I would be willing to walk her to a counselor, to help her with this process because I care about her. However, I cannot pretend to be her counselor and try to fix her anymore. I have to prioritize my degree, my new part-time jobs that are demanding, and a new long-distance relationship that I so deeply cherish.

She didn’t take it well. She believes that I decided to step back strictly because of my new relationship (of course, because she is a bitter and envious single). According to her and her past experiences, she doesn’t believe in counselors or professional help. She would rather take that to her best friends, and that she would be willing to fail classes and graduate late to be there for her friends. That’s great for her, but unfortunately I cannot relate to that. I’ve spoken to a majority of my close friends, and all of them understand that I have other priorities in my life that come before my friendships, except for Gray.

I was planning on remaining friends with her, until last night when I had to block her from all social media as well as her phone number because she was harassing me and bullying me with this manipulative “Jesus tactic.” She was taking all of my past mistakes, my sins, and things that I wrestle with and threw them in my face to make her seem like a “preacher” and I was not having it at all. Four separate times I said, “You are not my pastor. You are not my counselor, so please stop. Stop! Do not make me block you.” As it turns out, she refused to stop, so I had to block her.

I find Christianity very interesting. There are so many “Christians” that interpret the Bible in so many ways and have their own version of how we should all live our lives. I’m not a perfect Christian. Sometimes I get drunk, I’ve had premarital sex years ago, I think that homosexuality should be part of the norm, I’ve contemplated on going to a strip club for my bachelorette party before I get married. Clearly, I have my struggles and things that I go through and wrestle with. I have to say, as Pastor Greg Laurie stated, “I’m not religious. I’m not into religion.” Personally, it’s political, clicky, and focuses too much on the people around us. I’m interested in the relationship that I have with Christ. I have my flaws, I am far from perfect, and I have things to work on and to strive for.

Christ knows my heart. He knows the situation. I have faith that everything is going to turn out exactly the way it’s supposed to. I know I’ve made the right decision and I know with time I will feel better, but right now I’m confused, hurt, and processing.

To my “bestie for the restie,” my sister, and the Piglet to my Winnie the Pooh,

Goodbye.

#journal #how can people be so manipulative?#saying goodbye is okay

0 notes

maple-keenes · 5 years

Text

of drunk kisses and superpowers

[HEY GUYS, I’M PUTTING IT AT THE TOP THAT THIS IS A REMUS X DECEIT FIC. PLEASE, DO NOT READ IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.]

summary: deceit (damien) is a mostly-normal journalism student who managed, somehow, to only make friends with superheroes and supervillains. he's in his final year of college, got an amazing best friend who's only a semi-murderous supervillain and he's landed an internship at the new york times. problem is, they keep making him report on all the superhero vs supervillain fights around the city - which means he's seen roman and remus fight against each other a million and a half times. the only issue with that is that he's starting to watch these fights more intensely and notice a hell of more about how good remus's costume looks on him. soon, damien's juggling his job, his schoolwork, and the growing feeling that he might want a little bit more than friendship with remus.

pairing: dukeceit, logicality, remile if you squint

tw: remus, deceit, cursing, alcohol, getting drunk, more cursing

wc: 4293

a/n: ...i’m not ashamed of what i’ve done here

read it on ao3

general:

@analogical-chaos @theflatpancake @ilovemygaydad @alltimevirgilant @virgiliananxiety @romanticsanders @theincediblesulk @wroammin @creativity-killed-thekitten @bitchyybabyy400 @wooflesthatwoof @lyditist @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @demurphart @thelowlysatsuma @land-of-dragons-and-frogs @theeternalspace @magicallygrimmwiccan @weirdsthenewnormal @romansleftshoulderpad

Damien May was a fairly normal college student. He was a bit of an asshole, tended to not do his homework, but deep down he was a decent person. He lived in an apartment with a friend of his, Logan, and he was majoring in journalism.

He was not a superhero.

Actually, Damien was fairly certain he was the only one in his extended friend group that wasn’t a superhero or villain. Logan, his roommate was also known as Logic (he wasn’t the most creative), Remus was The Duke, his twin brother, Roman, was The Prince, (Damien was ticking these off on his fingers as he went), Logan’s boyfriend was Empath, Damien’s kind-of-friend from Composition was known as Dark Magic, and Damien's cousin Remy was also some sort of superhero. Thank god Remy's husband was just a therapist, or Dami would have gone batshit.

None of his friends knew that he knew who they all were except Logan. It was something that was hard to hide from your roommate, especially when said roommate is a seasoned professional in persuasion and observation. And Logan tells Patton everything and Damien tells Logan everything and vice-versa, so the whole-Patton-is-Empath thing was kind of out in the open from the beginning. And Virgil, aka Dark Magic, had told him off the bat too.

So really, it was just Roman and Remus.

Overall, he was generally content to stick with his normal life, with his not-so-normal friends, and continue pissing off Roman's main gang of friends with Remus.

This worked fine for him until his internship at the Times decided that he needed to cover a fight between The Duke and The Prince that had broken out, and Damien just sighed and grabbed his notebook. Tonight was gonna be great.

So he sat in a car, watching the twin brothers fly around yelling weird insults at each other. Since he lived and worked in New York, this was not the first or last fight he'd ever have to cover, so Damien just scribbled down an account of what had happened the last four times (the Arellano twins were pretty consistent) they had fought. He pulled out his phone and texted Logan an update.

The Best Person To Ever Exist (Me) 5:43 PM

they're not even fighting anymore, just yelling weirdly personal insults at each other

The Best Person To Ever Exist (Me) 5:43 PM

"GREEN ISN'T YOUR COLOR" "IT BRINGS OUT MY EYES YOU BITCH"

Spooky Mind Control Dude 5:44 PM

Oh, hell. Well, that sounds like them. I'll see you later, Dami.

The Best Person To Ever Exist (Me) 5:45 PM

i hate it when you call me that.

Spooky Mind Control Dude 5:45 PM

Okay, Dami.

Damien groaned and banged his head against the dashboard of his car, not even noticing the fountain explode next to him as Roman and Remus flew over top of the car.

“This is dumb, my life is dumb, I want to go home,” he muttered to himself as the battle raged on. “Go Remus, go Remus.”

It dragged on for another hour or so, and Damien found himself napping the backseat and dreaming about… something not to be discussed.

He woke up when someone tapped on his window and he mumbled “mrmph” and sat up. He quickly rolled down the window and stuck his head out, immediately waking up fully when he realized he was staring right at Remus and Roman. “Oh, hello sirs, I’m with the Times, do you think I could get a statement from you two on what we can expect from you next?”

“Hi, Damien. How long have you been reporting on us?” Roman asked, hands on his hips.

“I’m not allowed to tell you that. Now, what can we expect -”

“Damien,” Remus interrupted. “We know you know it’s us.”

He jerked up, smiling. “Oh, hi Remus, didn’t see you there.”

“I’m here too! Don’t think you can ignore me just cause you’re gay for my brother or some shit -” Roman said.

Remus spun around to face his brother. “Now listen here, Ro -”

Damien sank back into his chair, hoping that he could just drive away and possibly hit both of them when he did. He had to deal with their bickering constantly at home, dealing with it at work as well was something he’d definitely had nightmares about. Eventually he gave up and turned back to the window, raising his voice to be heard over the twins’ arguing and said, “Hey! You two! Shut up!”

They both looked at him, startled. “Damien?” Remus raised an eyebrow. “You okay?”

“Okay, you two aren’t subtle. I’ve known you guys are the Duke and Prince since I met you because anyone who knows you in real life knows it’s ridiculously obvious.” He took a deep breath. “And - and - I have to report on you guys because it’s my job. It’s not a personal thing and no, Roman, it’s not because I’m gay for your brother, it’s not like I want to report on you two doing the same thing every time!” Damien chastised. “So, please, stop it.”

“Fine.”

Damien sighed. “Thank you. Remus, I’ll see you later?”

He nodded. “8 PM?”

“Sounds good.”

With that, Damien figured the conversation over and drove off, wishing that it was possible to just scream as loudly as possible on the highway and hope that no one heard him. Ugh. If Remus and Roman knew he knew who they were, that meant he couldn’t report on them unbiased anymore, and that was just great.

When he got back to his and Logan’s apartment, he didn’t even bother to go to his room before he collapsed on the couch and started screaming into the pillow.

Logan poked his head out of his room. “Damien, what are you doing?”

“Suffocating myself,” he said, voice muffled by the pillow. “Roman and Remus found out.”

“About what? The superhero thing or the other thing?”

Damien sat up and glared at him. “What other thing? There’s only one thing!”

“I just meant…” Logan trailed off, giving him a curious look. “You don’t realize? Oh, that’s interesting. Anyway, I’m sorry about that. Are you sure they’ll act strange now that they realize it’s you that’s been reporting on them?”

“Yes! It’s what happened with you!” He groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Especially Remus. He’ll be super weird if he knows it’s me watching. Probably hurt Roman less. Which’ll especially suck because that’s like, the most enjoyable part of my job.”

Logan shook his head. “You are really oblivious, you know that?”

“I do, actually,” he replied, glancing at the time. “I’m leaving at 7:30, walking over to Remus’s place to hang out for a bit and awkwardly talk about what happened today before we get blackout drunk.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

He grinned. “Isn’t that the whole point, Logan?”

Damien lounged around the apartment for a bit, typing up the rest of his report and trying to figure out why the hell everyone was acting so weird about him and Remus lately. Logan was even doing that thing that Damien had told him when they moved in together he was Not Allowed To Do - which was to give him that look like “I know something you don’t.'' The rule was wholeheartedly ignored because Damien did it all the time, but it was just really annoying this time.

Come 7:30, he grabbed his jacket and opened the door, only to be greeted with a smiling Patton.

“Oh, hey Damien! I’m just -”

“Hey, Patton, nice to see you too. I’ll be back around… eventually, don’t do it in my room.”

He laughed and nodded, and Damien waved goodbye as he walked down the hallway towards the stairs. It was a long walk to Roman and Remus’s place, but he enjoyed the calm of it all once in a while, even if he’d never admit it.

When he reached their apartment, he knocked on the door and Roman opened it begrudgingly, and Damien went straight upstairs (stupid rich superheroes) to Remus’s bedroom. He threw his jacket on the chair and flopped down on the bed next to his best friend. “It has been too long of a day for anything other than your best wine, man.”

“I have, like, tequila and vodka too, you know,” he said, leaning back against the wall.

“I have standards, Remus.”

He laughed a bit. “Nothing is ever good enough for Damien May.”

Damien pouted. “Not true. You’re good enough for me, why do you think I let you stick around?”

“My impeccable fashion sense and weird sense of humor,” came Remus’s response, muffled by the fact that he was now halfway through a bottle of beer.

“And your ass.”

“I’m blushing.” This was meant to distract from the fact that he was, indeed, blushing.

Damien rolled over and made himself comfortable in Remus’s lap, staring up at the ceiling. “So… are you mad that I knew that you and Roman were superheroes this whole time?”

“Number one rule of my bedroom is that my brother’s name does not enter this room. That stupid bitch ruins my whole vibe,” Remus said, eliciting a laugh from Damien. “Secondly, I’m not mad. I understand that it’s a problem and a conflict of interest or whatever and I’d rather you keep your internship.”

He reached up and patted Remus’s cheek. “So selfless. Ugh, I could kiss you. You’re the best.”

“Mmm.”

Four glasses of wine later and Damien was practically straddling Remus as they talked about… something. Both boys were pretty damn drunk at this point so talking was pretty much off the table unless it was something that required few sounds and even less thinking.

“Have I ever told you how hot you are, Remus?”

“That’s the wine talking, Dami,” he responded quietly.

Damien flopped backward onto the bed, taking his legs off Remus’s hips. “I would say that even if I wasn’t drunk. I already said I’d kiss you.”

“Mmph. You were kidding.”

He looked at Remus, aghast. “I have never told a lie in my life.”

“You lie all the time.”

“Ah, wait, no, that’s right,” Damien said, giggling. “I wasn’t lying about wanting to kiss you though.”

Remus sighed and crossed his legs. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll prove it.” He sat up straight, as sober as someone five glasses of Chardonnay in could be. “C’mere.”

“I’m not going to - “ his sentence was cut off by Damien grabbing the front of his shirt and kissing him hard. God damn, this felt good. It wasn’t the best kiss Damien had ever had, because it was sloppy and messy and Remus was messing up his hair as he played with it but the best part for some reason was that he was kissing his best friend.

His hands were on Remus’s face, on his waist, and then he was straddling him and they were still kissing and -

“Holy shit, you two are making out,” came Roman’s voice. “Oh my god, I so regret opening this door.”

Remus broke the kiss and threw a nearby plastic cup at his brother. “Why, oh why, are you here?”

“I was going to tell you that I ordered pizza and you two assholes could have some, but apparently you guys are getting sexy up here so -”

“I’m going to throw you out a window.”

Roman stuck his tongue out at him. “Do it, I dare you.”

He shut the door behind him after that, and Remus smiled sheepishly and sidled back up to Damien. “Should we pick up where we left off?”

There were a few seconds where all Damien wanted to do was grab Remus by the front of his stupid green shirt and kiss him senseless, but his fight or flight instinct kicked in and he pushed Remus away from him. “I - I’m sorry, I shouldn’t - I can’t -” he stuttered, getting off the bed and grabbing his jacket. “I shouldn’t have done this. I have to go.”

“Holy hell, Dami, what are you doing -”

“I’m leaving, Remus,” he said, running down the stairs as his best friend ran after him.

Remus huffed. “You’re kidding.”

“I don’t know what came over me, I - I’ve never felt like that around you before and I guess I was just drunk -”

“Get out of my house, you fucking asshole!” he cried, tears in his eyes. He turned around and slammed his door, and Roman gave Damien the dirtiest look in his repertoire.

And so for the second time that day, Damien walked through the gardens on the way between his apartment and Remus’s. However, this time, his eyes stung with tears and he could only think about Remus, Remus, Remus…

He didn’t stop to say hello to Logan and Patton, who were watching a movie on the couch, as he stormed into his room and laid facedown on the pillow. He sobbed quietly, trying to make himself feel like his world didn’t just come crashing down on top of him and he didn’t just ruin the best thing in his whole life.

Patton sat down on the edge of Damien’s bed. “Hey, kiddo, what’s wrong? Did something happen?”

“I fucked it up,” he mumbled into his pillow.

“Fucked what up?” Logan asked.

Damien sat up, wiping his eyes. “So… we got drunk, as usual, and then we were flirting a bit, and I was probably straddling him, and then we started making out and when we stopped… I freaked out. I had never thought about Remus like that, and it felt like I was taking advantage of him. I just… I know I don’t like him…” he trailed off, creasing his eyebrows as Logan stifled a laugh behind his hand. “What?”

Patton patted his leg affectionately. “You seem a little lost, kiddo.”

“I’m older than you.”

“Congratulations, Dami, you’re officially the last person to know that you, oh magnificent journalist, are totally into Remus,” Logan deadpanned.

Damien laughed, still wiping away tears. “I’m not.”

He nodded. “Yeah, you are.”

“I am not!”

“You are!” Patton exclaimed. “You’ve seen every single one of his fights.”

“It’s a work thing.”

Logan groaned. “If it was a work thing, you would have talked to them about it by now.”

“That’s true,” he agreed, “I can feel it, Damien. It’s one of those things that’s always buzzing in the background behind you, like right now, it’s right under the fact that you’re super angry with me -”

He threw his hands in the air. “Fine! So I like him a little. But now I’ve gone and screwed it up so it doesn’t even matter, and I’m here rambling to you two.”

“He likes you, Damien. He does. You need to apologize for freaking out.”

“I doubt Roman will even let me in the house.” Damien flopped back onto his bed. “I appreciate you two, but right now I want to sit here and cry about lost love until I have to go to Composition tomorrow.”

Patton and Logan relented and left him alone, and Damien laid back down and cried to his heart’s content (not that he would ever tell anyone that).

The next day in Composition, Damien slid into the chair next to his kind-of-friend and slammed his head down on the table, groaning.

Virgil chewed on the back of their pencil. “What’s up, Damien?”

“Mrph,” was his response.

“Dude, are you hungover or something?”

He sighed, picking himself up off the table. “I wish I was just hungover. That would make my life so much easier right now.”

Virgil tilted their head, concerned. “Is something wrong?”

“You ever make out with your best friend, then freak out on him and run out, then only later when you’re talking to your roommate’s boyfriend figure out that you’re probably in love with him and now he won’t talk to you and his brother is probably about to kill you, which he can do because he has super strength?”

They chewed on their pencil some more. “No, but are you talking about Prince and Duke? Cause lemme tell you, they are massive pains in my ass,” Virgil said.

“I don’t think I can tell you that,” Damien responded, laughing. “Anyways, now I can’t even talk to him.”

“Mm. Did you analyze the essay from last week?”

The rest of his day passed by like a blur until the gods at the Times decided it was time to punish Damien for his crimes.

Boss Man Holt Dude 4:36 PM

Hello, Damien. We need you cover a battle that’s broken out between Empath and The Duke on 39th street. Final report due on my desk by this time tomorrow. Thanks, Charles Holt.

Damien leaned back in the seat of his car and flip off the sky through his sunroof. “You see that, O God Who Hates Me? Fuck you.”

He gripped the steering wheel and sighed long and hard, trying to exhale out all of his stress. Still mentally hitting his head against the wheel as hard as possible, he drove over to 39th and parked right next to where Patton was standing off against Remus. He tried to hide his car best as possible so he wouldn’t be noticed.

It didn’t end up making a difference, because after about fifteen minutes of Patton fighting Remus, he noticed that Damien was parked a few meters away and after a bit of an argument with Patton, stormed off and left Patton to fix the mess he’d made by manipulating reality. Damien was half tempted to drive off, but since he’d missed most of the fight he was going to need to take Patton’s statement.

He rolled down his window as his roommate’s boyfriend walked over. “Hello, Empath, I’m with the Times, could I take your statement on the fight today?”

“Hi, sir, of course.” (Thank god at least one of his friends knew how to properly conduct themselves.) “The Duke was set on warping the reality of this neighborhood for no other reason than to cause chaos, and I was contacted by the police to slow him down. Luckily, he got spooked when he noticed that the guy he’s in love with that also crushed him completely was watching.”

(He rescinds his earlier statement.)

“Patton!”

He shrugged. "I'm not saying put it in your report, I'm just telling you that's what happened."

"I came all the way here and now I'm being attacked by my roommate's boyfriend," Damien grumbled.

Patton's face softened even more, if that was possible. "You can call me your friend, you know."

Damien felt his face heat up. "Yeah, thanks."

"You're welcome. Anyways, I'm all done here," he said with a snap of his fingers, clearing up the mess, "so you can go home and write up your report. Oh, and also you should apologize to Remus."

He shot Patton an annoyed glare. "I'm going to."

"When?"

As it turns out, the answer to that question was a week later when Logan got sick of him moping around their apartment and kicked him out until he was able to talk to Logan with some inflection in his voice again. This led to him moping in the park.

Thankfully (not for him, but for his friends and such that were so done with the moping) his cousin texted him at the point Damien was about to turn around and beg Logan to let him back into the apartment. The universe, it turns out, is also done with his moping.

The Gay Cousin 10:27 PM

hey girl, do you have grandma’s phone number

Actual Mistake (Me) 10:28 PM

life is a curse. why do i exist

Actual Mistake (Me) 10:28 PM

also yeah it’s [a totally real phone number]

The Gay Cousin 10:29 PM

u okay dami?

Actual Mistake (Me) 10:29 PM

no i’m having boy troubles

The Gay Cousin 10:30 PM

well you came to the right cousin!!!! what seems to be the issue??

Damien recounted the events of last week to Remy, who was supportive, but also willing to call him out on his bullshit, which is the best balance a person can have.

The Gay Cousin 10:35 PM

you need to talk to him, dami. this isn’t something you can ignore and hope that it goes away after a while. if you really like this guy you need to set the record straight.

The Gay Cousin 10:35 PM

*gay

Actual Mistake (Me) 10:36 PM

i... yeah. i guess so. i’ll text you later, okay?

Damien turned off his phone and took a deep breath, standing up and steeling his nerves. “Guess I gotta get this over with,” he mumbled to himself.

He knocked on the door of Remus’s apartment a couple times, only to be greeted with an irate Roman. “Damien, why are you here? It is 11 pm and I have class in the morning - “

“I need to talk to your brother.”

Roman mouthed “oh” and folded his arms across his chest. “Well, I was told you weren’t allowed in here. Remus wants you to, and I quote, ‘go jump up your own ass.’”

“I get it, I fucked up, but I need to see him!” He rolled his eyes and looked down at the ground. “I wanted to apologize for leading him on or whatever.”

“Really?” Roman asked, raising an eyebrow. “Alright, well, as much as my brain is struggling between the desire to torment my brother and the hope that he’ll find someone that makes him happy someday, you can come in. I’ll go get Remus.”

Damien bounced his leg up and down as he waited for Remus to come down the stairs. He knew he screwed up - he had been doing that a lot recently - but he was kind of certain that he might like Remus a little bit and that was messing with his whole thing.

He heard footsteps coming downstairs and his head shot up, glancing at the stairs. The second Remus saw Damien waiting for him, he turned and went back upstairs, and Roman’s annoyed sigh was probably loud enough to hear all the way back in Damien and Logan’s apartment.

Damien sat back down, putting his head in his hands. “Jesus, I am never going to fix this.”

Roman sighed and plopped down on the couch next to him. “I know I give you guys a lot of shit, but I’m rooting for you two. I want that weird little psychopath to be happy.”

“You’re a good person, Roman,” he said. “This is really hard for me to say, but I’m really thankful you’re doing this.”

“Mm.” He nodded thoughtfully. “Now come on, just go sit outside of his door and talk to him. He’s been so depressed lately, and I know he’s liked you for a long time. If Remus knows you’re sorry… he’s going to forgive you.”

Damien gave him a half-smile. “Thanks, Ro.”

He followed Roman’s advice, slowly walking up the stairs and sitting down in front of his best friend’s door. “Hey, Remus. Your brother told me I could come up here. I’m sorry I’m here right now, instead of the day after. I should have come right away.” He took a deep breath and exhaled, picking at his fingernails. “I think I do like you. I think I might love you, even. And I think that’s the most honest thing I’ve ever said. I’m sorry I freaked out on you, you deserve better than that. I’m sorry I blamed it all on the alcohol because yeah, I was drunk but kissing you was the soberest I’d been that whole night. It’s been a hell of a week without my best friend, Remus. And… you don’t have to love me, or even like me, but I at least want you to forgive me,” Damien said. “I just want you to know that I never meant to make you feel used, and I’m sorry I did. It was awful of me.”

There was a small thump against the door, and Damien whipped around to face it. “Remus? You there?”

“I - yeah. I’m here.”

“Will you talk to me?”

The door creaked open. “I’ll talk to you,” he whispered.

“I’m really sorry, Remus.”

“I know you are.” He sighed. “I just… I dunno. Something felt right but then you got into my head about it being just ‘cause we were drunk and then I was just angry as all hell with you.”

Damien nodded. “And I deserve that.”

He bit his lip, which Damien only noticed because it was just adorable. “You drive me crazy, Dami. But it’s your best quality, how close you are to your friends. And if I could have just a little bit of that attention I think I’d be set for life.”

“Remus, I promise you’ve got all of it.”

Remus smiled, turning to face Damien. “Then I forgive you.”

He stopped his nervous fidgeting and glanced up at Remus. “You do?”

“Yes, I do, you dumb snake, it’s not like you killed my brother - though I think I’d forgive you for that too.”

He giggled. “God, you’re amazing.”

“Here, my turn,” Remus said, grabbing the front of Damien’s shirt and kissing him hard.

Something switched on inside of him at that moment and Damien pushed him back into the room and slammed the door behind them. These kisses weren’t the fervent, messy ones they had shared when they were drunk, but they were slower, softer, and there was the knowledge behind them that this meant more than a makeout session, and that was good enough for both of them.

#tw deceit #tw remus #tw alcohol #tw drinking #tw cursing #remus sanders #deceit sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #nonbinary virgil #remy sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #ts fanfiction #dukeceit #logicality #remile #sanders sides

337 notes · View notes

theawkwardroseblog-blog · 7 years

Text

An open letter about my anxiety

You Know Who You Are:

From as early as I can safely recall—since around the age of five years old—I have known there was something different about me. There is a specific instance where I looked at the neighbor kids playing outside and questioning why things weren’t as great as the way they used to be and missing the times where things were easy and I didn’t have a lot to care about... and I was only around five or six years old. I remember staring out the window as the sun set in the sky and worrying as to whether I would see it rise again the next day, when most children only worried about whether or not they were going to be the line leader or if they had to learn phonics that day. I remember during middle school, around the age of ten or eleven, experiencing these bursts of crippling fear that would leave me paralyzed on the floor in the fetal position—crying, hyperventilating, shaking, and being encompassed by this overall feeling of panic. It was not until high school when I was able to find a proper label for these episodes and overall feelings: anxiety.

[In 2015, this was accurate.. I have been able to be almost completely free of panic attacks for a couple years.] I am diagnosed with Panic Disorder, and I have been told that I have characteristics of Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). [GAD has since been confirmed, and my Panic Disorder is now in remission.] According to the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) criteria for panic disorder consists as follows:

Unexpected recurring panic attacks consisting of at least four (or more) specified symptoms (shaking, fear of “going crazy,” sweating, shortness of breath, derealization, heart palpitations, nausea, etc.)

A month or more of either or both a) fear of panic attacks or their consequences or b) a “maladaptive change” in behavior (ex: avoiding places due to fear of a panic attack occurring)

In addition, these attacks may not better be explained by the use of a substance, by another mental disorder, or by some other medical condition. In short, GAD is persistent worrying and uncontrollable thoughts of fear. After toying with various forms of medication and cognitive-behavioral methods, I was being treated solely through psychiatric treatment, which has done wonders for managing my disorder along with utilizing the techniques given to me during my time in therapy. As of today, I am actively searching for a new therapist to begin seeing regularly again.

I would like to take the opportunity to address various players within my life who have made an impact on my struggle with mental illness and to use my own story to help eliminate the stigma associated with the diagnosis of a mental illness and receiving treatment. I also intend to address the unrealistic expectations within the medical model because mental illness can only be managed and not “cured.” I do not believe in naming names, for the sake of others’ reputations, but to all of those I implicitly mention: You know who you are.

In terms of background, I used to become especially anxious when it came to meeting a boy’s friends within a relationship. Why? Well, the first time I did—in my first relationship—I was ridiculed and treated like an accessory, and to top it all off: Upon discovering I wanted to go into psychology, one of his friends actually said, and I quote, “Depression is all in a person’s head. They need to just get over it.” [Edit: the person who said that has recently gotten help for depression and is on medication. I am glad you have found your way to receiving help, and I’m sorry you were suffering in denial for so long.] To the skater boy (“she said, ‘see you later, boy’”): thank you. Without you, my anxiety would not have escalated to an all-time high, and I would not have sought out treatment. I was naive at the time: you were my best friend who weaseled his way into being my second relationship. When I refused to leave the house to be isolated with your friends because I was one negative trigger away from having an attack, I realized that something needed to change. Without your harsh verbal and emotional berating as a result of my resistance, I would have not have gotten the help I needed. I would have continued to live my life in fear of having a panic attack, while experiencing one nearly every single day. During a fairly turbulent time within my life, your negative behavior towards me lead to an ultimately positive impact that has changed my life for the better, so once again: thank you. [Edit: This part you just read is immature, but I left it in to demonstrate growth in my journey. This boy was going through problems himself at the time that he had yet to discover, and surprisingly, we ended up being more alike than we would’ve ever guessed. I hope you continue on your path of self-discovery, and hopefully find a working treatment for your bipolar disorder. Before we dated, you helped me through an incredibly tough time in my life and were always there to listen. I will forever be grateful for your friendship.]

To my sister from another family: I would like to address both you and your mom. Thank you for encouraging me to get help from a therapist. Even though you had no idea that I had a mental illness and you only encouraged grief counseling, I would have never overcome my fear of talking to my mom about seeing a professional without you. Thank you for letting me cry in your bathtub on the day I told you about my diagnosis, and thank you for being my rock. I would not be where I am today without you. You are my second family. I love you, and I am so grateful for all that you have done for me.

To my neurotic partner in crime: Thank you for being an overall inspiration to me. I would have never have sought a clinical therapist or psychiatric help if I would have never met you. The fact that you were brave enough to share your story with me and to tell me what helped you when dealing with anxiety has made all the difference within my life. Thank you for showing me the social worker who kept the conversation going and helped me conquer my fear of therapy. Without you, I would not be on the medication that keeps my brain chemistry in check, I would not have experienced cognitive-behavioral therapy, and I would continue to have panic attacks every day. Thank you for all of your advice and love and “popping pills” with me at 11:11 PM every day.

Mom: I never thought you would understand. I lived in fear for so long about going to you for help because of the social stigma surrounding mental illnesses. That infamous day during senior year of high school where I was physically shaking when I texted you about receiving help, I had anxiety about receiving help for my anxiety. I was convinced you would tell me ‘no’ or get mad or refuse to pay for treatment or tell me that it was unnecessary, but you have done exactly the opposite. I am so thankful for your support. Thank you for sitting in on my psychiatry sessions when I was still a minor and being strong when you first heard about all of the horrific symptoms your own child was experiencing. I know you had no idea… No one else did either. I kept it hidden for as long as I could.

There is no shame in receiving treatment for a mental illness. It is no different than any other disease, with the exception that the illness may not be fully recognizable by anyone walking down the street--it can be referred to as an “invisible illness.” I would like to pose a question: Would you criticize a diabetic for monitoring their glucose levels or taking insulin shots? Mental illness is a serious issue. I like to use the diabetic analogy when discussing the course of and treatment for mental illness. With Type 1 diabetes, those diagnosed have visible symptoms from the time of childhood into the rest of their lives, and with Type 2, one is genetically predisposed to potentially develop the disease, but environmental factors can play a role in whether or not the disease actually manifests. Either way, one must monitor their diet and glucose levels, take their insulin shots, and have more routine check-ups than the average person. The same is with mental illness. We cannot simply “get over it” or take a pill and feel normal again. We must use a variety of methods to manage our disease, as well as monitor our diet, exercise habits, and overall life choices. If you would not condemn a diabetic for taking insulin shots to regulate their glucose levels, then why would you condemn someone with major depressive disorder (MDD) for taking Prozac to regulate their levels of serotonin?

I will fully admit that treatment for mental illness is a tricky subject because modern psychology and psychiatry has still not perfected treatment for many disorders. With medication, it can be compared to a “guess and check” form of treatment. For me: “We’ll put you on Zoloft. It’s one of the most prescribed prescription drugs. Oh, you’re depressed now too? Well, let’s switch you to Lexapro. Not working to a maximum capacity? Well, let’s up the dosage and put you on BuSpar as well.” Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) in addition is another popular method for those with anxiety to help regulate their maladaptive thoughts and in my case, find strategies to help reduce panic attacks. It is a common form of therapy to help with anxiety and for good reason. CBT focuses on changing the way one thinks in order to improve behavior as well as utilizing various relaxation and exposure techniques in order for people to more efficiently live their lives. CBT has ultimately changed my views on my disorder and has definitely improved my life tenfold.

The medical model aims to “cure” mental illness--take some magic pill or attend some therapy sessions--and everything will be okay, but I am saddened to say that it is not possible. It is wrong to think that mental illness is completely curable. Our diseases can only be managed, and even then, we have potential to relapse. In fact, only one-third of panic disorder patients achieve remission, and one in five diagnosed have unrelenting and chronic life-long symptoms. In addition, according to a study by Dr. Paul Andrews, 49% of patients who take antidepressants are likely to relapse after discontinuing treatment, in comparison to the 25% of those who have never taken medication. There are also many negative side-effects associated with taking antidepressants and attempting to taper off of them after long-term treatment. Instead, the medical model should focus on improving methods of managing the disease in order to go above and beyond the current goal of treatment: allowing clients to function in their everyday lives. We should aim for those diagnosed with mental illnesses to be able to see a brighter future and not have to worry about passing on the disease to their children. They should be able to focus on living their lives, rather than focus on being “functional.”

Another goal we should try to achieve is changing the conversation. One reason why mental illness is so stigmatized is because of the everyday vernacular used by those who are completely uninformed. Mental illness is seen as “lesser” by the rest of society because if someone is unable to find their pencil, they will say they are going to have a “panic attack.” (This was an actual instance I witnessed.) And no, you are not “ADHD” because you got side-tracked during a conversation, you are not “going to kill yourself” because you have two tests tomorrow, and that skinny girl you are referring to is not “anorexic” because of her high metabolism. The words we use carry a lot of meaning and are so important to the social aspect of how others perceive mental illness. If we do something as simple as change the words we use in everyday conversation, we can initiate a wave of change that will eliminate a stigma that affects so many people.

One in five American adults experience a mental illness within their lifetime, and 60% of this population do not receive treatment. I encourage all those who suffer from mental illness to get help because you do not have to suffer in silence. For those who are already diagnosed: speak up. If my “neurotic partner in crime” never discussed her panic attacks with me or if my “sister” never described how much therapy helped her during a tough time, I would have never sought help. We must change the conversation and share our own stories. Mental illness should not be seen as “lesser” than any other disease. If more people speak up, we will call more attention to how serious these diseases are, and more people will get help. I know that I am not alone, and I want all those who suffer to know that they are not either. Stay alive, and stay beautiful.

With love,

Stephanie

Citations for these statistics are in the original essay. This is a very early draft of my story, but here is where I was in 2015, with some future Steph commentary/updates laced in.

#anxitey #depression #panic disorder #panic attack #mental illness #mental health

0 notes