#all the lyrics fit well for whats happening but that chunk is like the BEST

[1980ssunflower]

STREET OF DREAMS???? i like this cause at any point one of these songs is yall OWN train car and i NEED to find it within this playlist

AND BOY YOU FUCKING FOUND IT!!!!! THAT SONG IS FROM THE HUUUGE SECTION OF SONGS FOR MY FAV EPISODE I WROTE AND FAV TRAIN CAR I CREATED "THE COSMIC CAR"!!!!!

the episode is right after the art gallery where a new train car drops between that car and the mega maze! ozzy goes into the car by himself while ryan and min fight and gets lost inside and the plot of the ep is min & ryan trying to find him and for them all to escape.

its focused on ozzy and it finally reveals what happened between ozzy and ryan on the road that led to the break in their relationship!

in this song ozzy is maneuvering through the recreated memories the car made around him (though they are all affected by silly things overlapping like a childhood memory in school being underwater w fish swimming around them)

ozzy just finished reliving his memory of WHAT he did that ruined things between him and ryan ( though i dont want to spoil yet ;-] ill reveal it once i do all the fake screencaps for that segment ) but this song is pretty much him finding his way all the way back to his childhood before reliving his whole life and getting a new perspective of his relationships w min & ryan!

some very important lyrics to show is 🔽

There you stood, a distant memory So good, like we never parted Said to myself, "I knew you'd set me free" And here we are, right back where we started Something's come over me And I don't know what to feel Maybe this fantasy is real

[active-mind-15]

I've had a thought for some time now... what if Akashi was a BTS fan?

At first, I was entertaining this idea simply because BTS and KNB are my biggest interests, but then I started to think harder about it, and I think it would make sense for him to be a fan of them.

Now, I know some of my KNB moots on Tumblr listen to Kpop, but I know that not everyone does, and even the ones who do are not all fans of BTS. With that being said, I'll try and explain things as best as I can for all the folks unfamiliar with BTS so this headcanon is easier to understand even for non-fans.

I predict this is going to be a very long post, so I'll have mercy on y'all and put the rest of this under the cut. Enjoy!

A summary of who BTS is for anyone reading who doesn't know them:

7-member music group from South Korea. They debuted on June 13th, 2013, and are comprised of 3 rappers and 4 vocalists. The members are RM (leader and rapper), Jin (vocalist), Suga (rapper), J-Hope (rapper), Jimin (vocalist), V (vocalist), and Jungkook (vocalist). Here's a picture for reference. I also wrote their stage names down next to each member so you know who is who.

BTS is an acronym for Bangtan Sonyeondan, roughly translating to "bulletproof boys". So, BTS aimed to be the bulletproof shield to protect people--especially those in their 10s and 20s--from harsh societal criticism that rained down on them like bullets. Their fanbase is called ARMY, an acronym that stands for "Adorable Representative MCs for Youth" (yeah I know it's wordy), and with that name, BTS hoped that listeners of their music would be inspired to find their voice and spread positivity. While they do have their fair share of cute/silly songs, a very large chunk of their work is lyrically introspective and touches on a lot of social, psychological, and even political issues. Bolstered by the fact that their music is self-written and co-produced, their authenticity is one of their biggest strong points and has allowed millions of people worldwide to relate to the messages in their music.

That being said, what does this have to do with Akashi being an ARMY? Well, I just wanted to imagine how he would become fascinated with a group like them, so I'll be splitting up this post into sections. I don't know how many sections I'll do, I'm winging this as I go, so let's just start with section 1.

HOW DID HE BECOME AN ARMY?

Mibuchi. Mibuchi strikes me as someone who would already be an ARMY and would convince Akashi to give them a shot. Maybe Akashi catches Mibuchi gushing over some photos of them online and it happens enough times that he finally cracks and asks who they are.

As someone who is an ARMY of 7+ years, when someone asks me who BTS is, I have to hold myself back from exploding where I stand because I get so excited when someone wants to know about them because they're so amazing that I always want more people to discover their music. Mibuchi, being the dedicated ARMY that he is, would instantly fill Akashi in on the details of who they are, the type of music they make, and who each of the members is, and Akashi would listen very intently, getting more curious the more he listens to Mibuchi talk about them.

Something I usually do when people ask for BTS recs is ask them for their favorite genres. The reason why I do that is because BTS has experimented with so many genres that their discography is incredibly diverse, probably more diverse than most artists I've ever listened to. So, I usually just fine-tune my recommendations to people's preferences to make the initial listening experience more palatable. And that's what Mibuchi does for Akashi. Once he gets Akashi's favorite genres, he sends him a playlist of BTS songs that fit his preferences. And so, because Akashi isn't one to turn down music recommendations, he keeps his word and listens to the playlist front to back.

After finishing the playlist, Akashi lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling, the chemistry of his brain permanently altered, wondering how on earth he went so long without knowing who BTS was.

AKASHI'S BIAS AND BIAS-WRECKER

If you don't know what these terms mean, having a 'bias' just means you have a favorite member. It's someone you feel your attention is naturally drawn to more than others in the group. You can be drawn to them for multiple reasons such as liking their voice, thinking their fashion is cool, or having a similar personality to theirs. There really are no rules for this kind of thing. A 'bias-wrecker' is a member who steals (said endearingly) your attention away from your bias, on occasion. Think of it as two members constantly replacing each other as your favorite. However, this is not always the case and not every ARMY has a bias/bias-wrecker. Some spread their attention pretty evenly across all the members and don't really have a particular favorite. But it's a fun question ARMYs like to ask other ARMYs every now and again, so for the sake of this post, I will include who I think Akashi's bias and bias-wrecker would be if he had them.

So, right off the bat, I know deep in my heart that Akashi's bias would without a doubt be Suga.

Reasons why I think Suga would be his bias:

All of the BTS members are authentic, but Suga is most notably known for his raw unfiltered lyrics and his candidness about his past experiences. He suffered a lot in his teens and 20s to be able to make music the way he is today. Despite all that, he's unafraid to speak about his mental health journey and often encourages ARMYs to be open about our own journies as well so we can normalize conversations around it and get the support we need. Through listening to Suga's story, Akashi would probably relate a lot to his struggles and gain strength from his words.

Suga's stage name is actually short for "shooting guard" because that was the basketball position he used to play back when he was in high school. So, he would get extra points in Akashi's book simply for that. I know he'd be excited to find out that piece of information and relay it back to Mibuchi, who would then show Akashi videos of Suga playing basketball and get him more excited about Suga. I can just imagine him going into captain mode and making little comments here and there like "he has a nice release" or "his shots go in very cleanly" or "I would have scouted him for Rakuzan if he were a high-schooler".

I also think there are a few similarities in their personalities Akashi would pick up on. Aside from their shared love of basketball and personal struggles with mental health as teens, I would say they're both pretty introverted, are extremely hard workers, both play piano, both show affection to their loved ones through acts of service, and both of them are incredibly strong, despite all that they've been through.

But who is Akashi's bias-wrecker? I'd have to say it'd be RM.

Reasons why I think RM would be his bias:

As I've mentioned before, RM is the official leader of BTS. I think for that reason, he would garner a lot of respect from Akashi, who would be impressed as to how he could be the leader of a globally recognized group starting from such a young age, especially when he hears about all of the hardships BTS had to face as they climbed up the ladder. As someone who has also had to step up and be a leader from a very young age, Akashi would look to RM and take notes of his leadership style to see if there's anything he could implement in his own life.

RM is also one of the main lyricists of BTS and the way he can speak and carry himself with such poise and maturity would also be another thing that Akashi respects. He loves to analyze RM's lyrics for every use of double entendres, wordplay, and literary/psychology references. (I have a separate headcanon that Akashi is at least conversational in Korean, if not fluent, so I'm sure that would make RM's lyrics all the more interesting to dissect.)

Akashi would also find similarities between himself and RM, too, outside of being leaders of their respective teams such as a love for the fine arts and nature, high intelligence (RM has an IQ of 148), and his down-to-earth demeanor.

FAVORITE BTS GROUP SONGS:

So I'm just gonna go album by album and list the songs that I think Akashi would pick as his favorite from each one, mostly due to the message in the lyrics, but some will also be because I think the instrumentals would be up his alley. I'll also provide some links to lyric videos so you guys can listen and read along to further understand my song choices. Any songs with an asterisk(*) next to them will link to a music video, so just turn on the closed captions. Fair warning, the older music videos have translated captions that are a little bit clunkier, but they're still readable. Anyway, let's go!

2 Cool 4 Skool (2013):

No More Dream*

O!RUL8,2? (2013):

Intro: O!RUL8,2?

N.O*

Skool Luv Affair (2014):

Just One Day*

Dark & Wild (2014):

Rain

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 1 (2015):

Intro: The Most Beautiful Moment in Life

Moving On

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 2 (2015):

RUN*

Butterfly

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever (2016):

Butterfly (Prologue Mix)

House of Cards (Full Length Edition)

Epilogue: Young Forever*

Wings (2016):

Lie

First Love

Reflection

2! 3!

You Never Walk Alone (2017):

Spring Day*

A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

Love Yourself: Her (2017):

Serendipity*

Outro: Her

Sea

Love Yourself: Tear (2018):

Singularity*

The Truth Untold

Paradise

Magic Shop

Love Yourself: Answer (2018):

Euphoria

Answer: Love Myself

Map of the Soul: Persona (2019):

Mikrokosmos

Jamais Vu

Map of the Soul: 7 (2020)

Black Swan* (also the classical version*)

Louder Than Bombs

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal*

BE (2020)

Life Goes On*

Blue & Grey

Proof (2022)

Yet To Come*

For Youth

BTS has released some Japanese original songs, too, so I'll include which ones I think would be his favorite among those!

Crystal Snow (2017)

Lights* (2019)

Your Eyes Tell (2020)

FAVORITE BTS SOLO SONGS:

Each of the BTS members has dropped their own solo projects whether it be singles or full albums, so I'll go member by member and talk about which of each member's solo songs I think would be his favorite.

RM:

Life (RM, 2015)

uhgood (mono, 2018)

forever rain* (mono, 2018)

No. 2 (Indigo, 2022)

Jin:

Tonight (2019)

Abyss (2020)

Yours (2021)

Suga/Agust D:

So Far Away (Agust D, 2016)

People (D-2, 2020)

Set me free (D-2, 2020)

AMYGDALA* (D-DAY, 2023)

Snooze (D-DAY, 2023)

J-Hope:

Piece of Peace (Hope World, 2018)

Blue Side (Hope World, 2018)

Equal Sign (Jack in the Box, 2022)

Safety Zone (Jack in the Box, 2022)

Jimin:

Promise (2018)

Like Crazy* (FACE, 2023)

Alone (FACE, 2023)

V:

Scenery (2019)

Snow Flower (2020)

Rainy Days* (Layover, 2023)

Love Me Again* (Layover, 2023)

Jungkook:

Still With You (2020)

Stay Alive (2022)

Shot Glass of Tears (Golden, 2023)

HOW AKASHI FEELS BEING AN ARMY

I think finding out such a prominent music act is singing about topics he directly relates to is such a shock to him. It's like he feels seen at long last and he isn't going through these issues alone. Even if BTS doesn't know who he is, the fact that their music speaks to him is enough to comfort him through tough times.

I'd like to think that when he's had an exceptionally rough day, he likes to just lie in bed and listen to them. He seems like the type of person to reserve time out of his day to just listen to their music in silence.

Because he became such a fan, he and Mibuchi would now have so much more to talk about with each other, and Akashi would also come to understand why Mibuchi would be such a big fan of a group like them. Together, they'd stream new releases right when they come out, watch BTS's livestreams together, and, if they're able, go to concerts together. Concerts are more of a new thing for Akashi since I feel like he has never been to a proper concert before, so the first concert he'd ever go to would probably be super overwhelming, but he'd feel reassured with Mibuchi by his side. And the concert ends up being amazing and Akashi feels like he just...belongs. Something would finally click for him that day, and he would realize that this level of connection, not just with the artists, but with the fans as well, was something he really enjoyed.

BTS would kinda stay as mainly Akashi and Mibuchi's thing, but Hayama and Nebuya do give BTS a shot, too, and find they do like a lot of their music as well. Their favorite songs are probably the more upbeat ones, though, as opposed to most of the ones I chose to be Akashi's favorites.

But the bottom line is that being able to come together with his friends over a common interest outside of basketball makes Akashi happy and he hopes he can continue to share memories with his friends through music.

Okay, I've gotta cut it off here, I have to get ready for a family dinner outing. If you managed to make it to the end of my post, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings and also the music I linked. Bye for now!

[time-is-standing]

top 10 songs of january

aka the roughest one so far lol

1. September Sparky Deathcap by Reno

this is the number one song by far for this month. I know Reno is not the original artist but the uploaded version was the saviour of my life. it's taken down again but I loved every single second I spent with this song. so beautiful, such a passionate piece of art. if you want to listen, it's up again but for real this time! it's September by Sparky Deathcap.

2. Burn by David Kushner

this song is a banger. I've listened to it before but the lyrics are so fitting now. one of my old friends reached out to me about his breakup and the situation he ended up in. I immediately recommended this to him, we bonded over it but it's such a crazy story.

3. Come out to La by DON BROCO

I'm attending a Sleeping with Sirens concert soon and this band is playing with them. I was curious as to what the other band must be like. I immediately fell in love with this song and am listening to it on repeat getting more & more excited with every day passing by.

4. golden hour by JVKE

this is such a masterpiece. I found it on tiktok a thousand years ago and was waiting for it to be released. I wasn't disappointed by the whole song as it has this weird, magical vibe all throughout the song.

5. Your Sister Was Right by Wilbur Soot

I had some pretty rough days this january. I needed support and this boy - as always - provided me with comfort and what feel like unlimited love through his songs. I am deeply in love with the passion Will has for making music and adore him, & the way that his albums are always coming back to me when I feel a bit sad/fed up.

6. It's Over When It's Over by Falling In Reverse

I was at my bf's house for new years eve and spent a whole week together at the beginning of january. he has a very interesting music taste. a massive chunk of our fav songs are the same and he's reminding me of songs I've already forgotten from time to time. it's so lovely and special to share these minutes, our memories and love.

7. listen when i'm gone by Jack Powell

rough days. let me tell you they were quite powerful in the moody, cloudy mornings and late nights I have because of work. I hold onto this song whenever I feel hope slipping away from me and it always helps me. also, I made some huge decisions, so I'm pretty hopeful about the future but I'm also a bit frightened as well. we'll see, but let's hope for the best.

8. Misery Business by Paramore

"all I wanted was you" was the line that never got out of my head after our new years' party. we were listening to music from our teenager years and childhood and nostalgia hit real hard. I love the vibes this one has!

9. too much by Softheart, guccihighwaters

it happened to be a rough night for sure, I started listening to this to help me fall asleep and it stuck with me for the next couple of years. I hate january, but it's getting better with every day.

10. WASTE by Kxllswxtch

I wasn't listening to this as much as the others but it made it to the list. a catchy, vibey sad song, that made me fall in love for the first time I've listened. I think I found it on tiktok, it's so good!

[disillusionedjudge]

🎧 🎧 🎧 🎧 🎧 🎧

——

want to know about a song on my muse’s playlist? send in a 🎧 & i’ll randomly pick a song along with which lyrics i think symbolize them the most!

((under the cut because it’s long))

Confident - Demi Lovato (It’s time for me to take it, I’m the boss right now / Not gonna fake it, not when you go down / ‘Cause this is my game / And you better come to play)

This song is really just Gylfie’s fuck you to everyone who doubted her/tried putting her down, heh, and her doubling down on the fact she knows damn well what she’s doing and what she wants. She’s angry, but at the same time, she’s going to have fun with getting back at everyone who’s gotten in her way.

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens (Sitting at the bed with the halo at your head / Was it all a disguise, like junior high? / Where everything was fiction, future, and prediction / Now, where am I? My fading supply)

This focuses not only on Gylfie (with the lyrics above), but also her relationship with her mother and Drace. I’m gonna… kinda break it into chunks here, but I could probably write a whole thing about this song dsfkhjdfgs

The lyrics above are focused on Gylfie and her disillusionment of not just the Empire, but what it means to be a Judge and, by extension, Judge Magister, as well. She’s questioning… basically everything she once believed wholeheartedly, and doesn’t quite know what to do. She doesn’t want to give up everything she’s fought for, and certainly doesn’t want to give up on Archadia, but… she can’t lie to herself any longer that the Empire she so loves is good.

For Drace, verses one and three are most fitting for… obvious reasons, I think, seeing as those are talking about death specifically. Gylfie would’ve followed Drace anywhere, just as she would Gabranth, and losing her had been sudden. It had happened all at once and so chaotically, that it just… didn’t feel real, and she couldn’t properly grieve/mourn her with everything else going on. (What could I have said to raise your from the dead?) (The hospital asked, “Should the body be cast?” / Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky)

Choruses one and two are fitting for Alsga and Gylfie, with the first being Alsga forcing Gylfie to finally open her eyes to the truth of the Empire’s cruelty after Nabudis (Tell me, what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?), because, before that point, Gylfie was trying hard to keep her head in the sand. The second chorus is the guilt Alsga feels for leaving Gylfie behind and her realizing that… she wasn’t the mother Gylfie needed, and the guilt she feels for failing her. (“Did you get enough love, my little dove? / Why do you cry? / And I’m sorry I left, but it was for the best / Though it never felt right / My little Versailles”)

Chorus three is fitting for both Drace and Alsga (Make the most of your life, while it is rife / While it is light), and the outro is Gylfie with her knowing that, if they fail, then all of Ivalice will be destroyed by nethicite because of Vayne’s mad ambition.

Daylight - David Kushner (Telling myself I won’t go there / Oh, but I know that I won’t care / Tryna wash away all the blood I’ve spilt / This lust is a burden that we both share / Two sinners can’t atone from a lone prayer / Souls tied, intertwined by pride and guilt)

This song I absolutely associate with Gylfie and Gabranth, heh. They’re both quite similar in terms of personality/drive, although they come from very different backgrounds, and both will do whatever it takes to ensure the Empire’s future under Larsa’s rule. (Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time / You and I drink the poison from the same vine / Oh, I love it and I hate it at the same time / Hidin’ all of our sins from the daylight) They’ve both gone to extremes to protect Larsa and Archadia’s future, extremes neither can be proud of (Gabranth having to kill Drace, Gylfie killing her father), and… the Empire’s simply become something they both love and hate. It represents so much evil but has the chance to be something good if they get it right.

Enemy - Imagine Dragons (Your words up on the wall as you’re prayin’ for my fall / And the laughter in the halls and the names that I’ve been called / I stack it in my mind, and I’m waitin’ for the time / When I show you what it’s like to be words spit in a mic)

Basically Gylfie’s anger and frustration at being held back in the army, to put it simply. Her father held her back from becoming Judge on the grounds that she wasn’t ready and that she was too emotional, and it wasn’t until Drace and Gabranth took notice of her that she was able to climb up. But, even with their support, she was still belittled and mocked just because she’s a woman, and while she’s long since learned not to let it get to her, it still infuriates her to no end, and she’s determined to prove them all wrong, while showing Drace and Gabranth them sponsoring her was not time wasted.

Last To Fall - STARSET (And the world is cold / But it’s beautiful / I wish you were here now / I miss your soul / But you lost your light / When the darkness called / But I stand here waiting / The last to fall)

This is Gylfie thinking back on Drace and Gabranth, after the events of ffxii, and her slowly coming to terms with them both gone. She misses them both greatly but is doing her best to carry on, especially with her needing to look after Larsa in their stead (and Basch, even, while he disguises himself as his brother), but… things are looking up with Larsa as Emperor, and with Dalmasca restored under Ashelia’s rule. Plus, with the song title itself and the repeating line (The last to fall), it’s perfect given that, out of the three of them, Gylfie is the last to fall, heh.

Liar - The Arcadian Wild (My life’s become this grand game of deception / My mind’s ignored all my heart’s good intentions / We all feel this tension, we all have our own illusions)

This song is fantastic for Gylfie before her disillusionment of the Empire, and even after it, when she’s still relying on deceit to play the game as Judge, and, later, Judge Magister. Her morals are… all over the place and she knows it, but she doesn’t always admit it. She knows she’s not a good person by any means, but she doesn’t believe herself to be a bad person, just… a product of everything that’s happened. She’s not only fooling those around her, but herself as well. (‘Cause I’m not in a right state of mind / I just wish I had the strength to admit it / My stubbornness will put up a fight / But I don’t deserve to win it)

[heliads]

hi, lisa! how are you doing? i hope you’re feeling great!

i really love how you write theo raeken so here’s a request for him i hope you don’t mind huhu

im thinking of a theo raeken x reader fic kinda based on the song best friend by rex orange country

a jealous!theo wherein he thinks that the reader likes stiles because they are always together

then one day he just explodes and tells the reader his frustrations then the latter explains that she was just with stiles because he was avoiding him, afraid of spilling her true feelings for him since they were kids

is this too detailed? i hope my rambling makes sense 😅

thank you so much!! i’ll definitely catch up with your works as soon as midterms are over <3 have a great day!

- 💭

first of all this song + that idea SLAPS. usually in songfics i put the lyrics in but i was rocking so hard with this one that i didn't dare break it up with chunks of text that weren't mine, so i hope you enjoy!

masterlist

Another day, another dilemma. Theo Raeken is trying to fit back into the rhythms of the McCall pack, he swears he is, but it feels like every time he tries something happens to mess him up. He can sense himself spiraling into the same patterns, that familiar anger pricking at his fingers. Maybe he’s been wrong to try and pretend that he could ever be something other than this, some fury-ridden monster that could never truly find peace. 

Today’s scenario isn’t terrible by Beacon Hills standards, yet it’s still set Theo’s heart rate spiking. He can see it now, perfectly framed by a town that will never truly have him, the one scene that Theo likes to see least of all: Y/N sitting right by Stiles Stilinski, the two of them smiling and laughing as if they’ve been best friends forever. 

It shouldn’t bother him this much, even Theo in all his vengeful irritation can admit that. It’s just that the title of Y/N’s best friend used to belong to someone who wasn’t Stiles. Someone, for example, like Theo himself. 

He can still remember what it had been like all that time ago, before Tara and the Dread Doctors and Theo’s life had fallen into complete chaos. He had been a kid back then, a real kid with real dreams that his future might contain more than monsters. How wrong he’d been to have such high hopes.

Theo knows the truth now, of course, that even without nightmares like the Dread Doctors he is fully capable of ruining his own destiny, but he hadn’t known it then. The child that Theo had been was far more than whatever Theo is now. That kid had been popular, well loved by even Stiles Stilinski himself. That kid had been perfect, or as close as Theo could ever get to such a standard.

And right there at the thick of it had been Y/N L/N. They’d been best friends forever, or so they’d sworn to each other, all up to the point in which Theo’s parents had moved and taken Theo with them. Just like that, his whole happy ecosystem had shattered, and the place that Theo had once occupied in the grand hierarchy of Beacon Hills had been smoothed over in what seemed to be a matter of minutes.

He misses that time just like every other kid misses their childhood. Sure, he’s probably looking at his memories through the strongest rose tinted glasses the world has ever seen, but it was good back then. He had no idea how to break a heart, or even bone. The worst threat to his life was that Y/N might have an argument with him and stop talking to him, but then again, that still seems to be true today.

Theo doesn’t entirely know what he was thinking, that he would stick around in Beacon Hills even after he killed Scott and expect everyone to treat him like normal. Stiles certainly doesn’t trust him, although that’s not confusing. Stiles didn’t trust Theo even before Theo played his cunning hand, and now the guy feels justified in his hatred.

Some part of him can admit, however, that he had been hoping for a little more from Y/N. She had certainly been happy to see him when he showed his face for the first time at Beacon Hills High School the night of the attack at the Senior Scribe. Theo can still remember how it had felt when she had run over to him and flung her arms around his shoulders, how he breathed in the scent of her and marveled at how it had stayed the same after all these years.

At that moment, Theo had been able to convince himself that he might be able to make it last. Sure, he’d have to reveal himself eventually, but once he switched sides for good and decided to ally with the McCall pack in the end, he had cherished that last desperate dream that Y/N might still be his friend, if not more.

That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? Theo Raeken has been a stupid crushing kid since he was a first grader figuring out what love was for the first time, realizing how a four letter word only made sense when he was staring at the girl who was supposed to be his best friend. He isn’t naive enough to think that Y/N could ever love him, not after he shoved his betrayal in all of their faces, but at least he could have her friendship, right?

At a bare minimum, she could talk to him every once in a while. Theo has more than proved himself, especially after helping get Stiles out of the Wild Hunt. Right now, they’re all back together in Beacon Hills, trying to figure out how to survive the latest twist in the hunters’ war. Theo has saved the pack from so many fights that he should have cleared out his ledger a long time ago, yet all anyone seems to see when they look at him is dripping, gushing red.

His worst critic is, of course, still Stiles. Theo doesn’t know that Stiles will ever change, but he had truly hoped for some sort of switch in emotion with Y/N. Yet he stumbles upon Y/N only ever spending time with Stiles. Theo doesn’t want to imagine the sorts of conversations they’re having, how many lies Stiles is feeding Y/N about how Theo will never be someone to be trusted. If Theo ever had a chance with Y/N, it’s surely gone by now, and it’s all Stiles’ doing.

Plus, Stiles is always so close to her. Right now, they’re sitting side by side on a bench in the courtyard, using their lunch break to sate their appetites for both food and protection. They’ve been discussing plans to get back at the hunters for a while now, but that doesn’t mean they have to lean so near each other. Surely Stiles doesn’t have to keep his hands so close to hers, right? Surely their knees don’t have to be pressed against each other?

Theo is being an idiot, he can tell that even without someone else bringing it up, but still. Yeah, he likes Y/N a lot. Yeah, he’s probably overreacting, but really, what else is he supposed to do, just turn a blind eye whenever Theo’s worst enemy starts flirting with the girl he likes?

Theo does his best to keep his complaints internal rather than external, but it gets difficult, especially when the rest of the pack arrives for lunch and he’s forced to sit right across from the Stiles-Y/N display and pretend it doesn’t bother him. 

This only worsens when Scott announces that they should probably start doing patrols of the Beacon Hills Preserve in pairs, just to make sure the hunters aren’t reconvening at some of their favorite spots. Theo can practically hear the true alpha’s voice in his head announcing that Stiles and Y/N will be together, because of course that would just be the icing on the cake on a day like this. Imagine Theo’s surprise, then, when Scott instead says that he and Y/N should be together.

Theo blinks in surprise, but everyone else seems to be nodding along. Y/N flashes him a brief smile, although he swears that she looks almost nervous. Stiles definitely has something to do with this, doesn’t he?

Theo supposes he’ll have all the time in the world to figure that out for himself, all starting tonight with their first patrol. He meets Y/N long after dusk at the mouth of the Beacon Hills Preserve, flashlight in hand because even though he can see perfectly well in the dark Y/N has been able to avoid becoming a supernatural and she’ll need the extra light.

She thanks him politely, and even after they strike up a quiet conversation to pass the time, all of her remarks are still just civil, no more than ice breakers at a party nobody wants to attend. Theo can feel himself growing more and more vexed by the whole affair, and about ten minutes in he loses the war with his patience and just cuts to the chase.

“You really do hate me, don’t you?” He asks, hating how whiny he sounds.

Y/N, however, just looks startled. “What are you talking about?”

Theo gestures vaguely between the two of them, causing the beam from the flashlight to ricochet between the grass underneath their heels and the tree branches waving above their heads.

“We’ve barely talked about anything other than the weather and our after school activities. I mean, Y/N, we used to be best friends, and now look at us. If you want to switch partners for the patrols for someone whose presence you might actually enjoy, I’m sure Scott wouldn’t mind it.” He says, the words coming out in a rush.

Y/N shakes her head quickly. “I don’t want to switch partners.”

Theo’s lips flatten. “You sure? You could be with Stiles.”

He says the boy’s name a little too harshly, and Y/N picks up on it.

“What problem do you have with Stiles?” She asks.

Theo looks away. “Nothing! No problem at all. I’m sure he’s just great.”

Y/N laughs, the sound as brutal as the edge of a knife. “You’re a terrible liar, you know. Just say it. What’s your problem with Stiles? And for that matter, what’s your problem with me? You can blame this awkwardness on me all you like, but you’re not exactly a fantastic conversationalist yourself.”

Theo rakes a wild hand through his hair, desperate to hold his tongue for once, but it’s too late. He’s been wanting to say some things for a while now, at least now he’s got his chance. At least now, after he finishes his piece, Y/N can actually despise him for good instead of just hearing fake reasons to do so from Stiles.

“I’m sick of this. Alright? That’s it. I’m sick of the fact that I used to tell you everything back when we were kids, and I know I fucked up when I came here and tried to kill everyone, but I’m trying to do better. I have thrown myself in the line of fire over and over again in the hopes that something might happen that the rest of you might actually believe I’m trying to change, but it never works.”

Theo’s lungs burn from the force of the words leaving his chest, but he keeps going, never letting himself pause long enough to draw a breath.

“Worst of all is that it never works with you. I mean, the rest of them will always believe I’m a monster, but I never thought you would too. And now you spend all your time with Stiles, the one guy who hates me the most. I guess you forgiving me is out of the question when you ignore me time and time again to spend time with him.”

Theo opens his mouth to say something more, so used to the feeling of the hate rushing past his teeth, but nothing comes out. It looks like he’s had his fill of monologuing.

Y/N draws back, stunned by the sheer force of all that truth, but a moment later she’s leaning closer so she can fire back just as hard.

“Yeah, because all of this is Stiles’ fault, isn’t it? Not mine, not yours. Yes, I have been hanging out with Stiles, and you’re right about why. Stiles would never let you get close because he will never forgive you, so I stay close to him. If I stay with Stiles, I get to hide from you, because I am afraid of hunters, yes, and losing my friends, but most of all, I am afraid of you.”

Theo feels his stomach drop in his chest. He doesn’t know that he has ever felt this empty in his life, but Y/N continues speaking, filling that sudden cavity in Theo’s heart with more words.

“I’m not afraid of you because you’re a monster, Theo, even if you believe that more than the rest of us. I’m afraid of you because I know that the second I let you in, I’ll never be able to get you out. You have been everything to me since I was a kid. When you moved away when we were in fourth grade, I thought it would kill me. What would happen if you left again, now that things actually matter? I stay with Stiles and you stay away from me, and we’re all the better for it because my heart never gets broken. Is that enough forgiveness for you?”

They stare at each other for what could be seconds or centuries, both of their chests caving in and out from the rattling of such harsh breaths in their lungs. At last, it is Theo who closes the distance, who stoppers up the silence by kissing Y/N as hard as he can. It still isn’t enough, not to shut up the roaring sound in his ears that refuses to leave. He doesn’t know that it will ever be enough, but right here, with Y/N’s hands in his hair and his arms tugging her closer as if to meld her into his own skin, he thinks he might try.

When they finally break away, he’s staring at what feels like an entirely different girl. Theo has never before seen Y/N with that much luck in her eyes, her lip gloss smudged and shirt rumpled from where he’s been pulling it to get her closer to him. The sight strikes him as a masterpiece.

At last, she grins, and Theo feels electrified from head to toe. “I think that’s worth ruining the friendship,” she says, and Theo laughs.

“You know, I feel the exact same way,” Theo returns. He may not ever feel anything quite like tonight, how his entire body seems to hum in her frequency, but damn if he won’t like to try again soon. For once, all seems perfect.

teen wolf tag list: @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @rafecameronswhore, @bellabadacadabra, @watchreadfangirlrepeat

[laulink]

After listening to Friend (and crying. A lot.), I decided to try my hand at analysing the song’s lyrics and what they could possible mean for Penny, Ruby, and the story going forward. So let’s get started.

Darkness like Midnight

Moonless there’s no light

Another lonely day

Is ending

Searching forever

Waiting but never finding

The only thing

I dream of

The warmth of a smile

That stays for a while

The face of a friend

That won’t leave

Alright, that’s a lot to begin with, but the whole segment can only, truly be understood after hearing those last four lines, so let’s break it down.

The first two thirds of this part is about Penny’s life before she met Ruby. She was all alone, every day, as ���another lonely day” implies. This loneliness is characterised by darkness, the moonless night at the end of the lonely day, meaning that even at night, Penny finds no light to brighten up her existence.

The mention of “Midnight” is interesting here, because Midnight is the title of the episode in which we discover Cinder’s backstory and this episode is, to say the least, quite dark. Plus, there are some parallels to be drawn between Cinder and Penny : both of them have been chosen by authority figures (Salem and James) and given a destiny and a role by those same figures (Protector of Mantle, destined to save the world, for Penny and the Destroyer of Humanity, destined to bring the current world of Remnant to an end by helping Salem with her plans and gathering the Maiden powers for Cinder). According to those first few lines, we could also parallel their upbringing : both of them were alone with no friends for a long time, then one person appeared and brightened up their existence (Ruby and Rhodes), going so far as to give Penny and Cinder hope that they could escape the chains restraining them and start making their own choices (staying at Beacon for Penny and becoming a Huntress for Cinder).

In other words, you could say that, in this first line, Penny is telling us that she was in a similar place to Cinder when Cinder was a child. Of course, I expect Penny’s needs were attended to and she was most likely not a victim of physical abuse like Cinder was, but the lack of friends, the loneliness and the restraints around them and their every movement is certainly similar.

Then comes the last third of this first extract, the one about the thing Penny chases : a friend who would stay by her side and smile with her. The last two lines, “The face of a friend/That won’t leave” seems to imply that Penny has some semblance of friend already, but that the friend(s) in question leave and don’t stick around long enough for the relationship to properly develop and be given meaning to.

This line made me think of Ciel Soleil, to be honest. Ciel was Penny’s “teammate” during the Vytal Festival, yet they weren’t seen together all that often, mostly right before, during and after the match against team CRDL. Despite this, Ciel was obviously very much aware of Penny’s strength and abilities, having even planned for their double match to end in less than a minute (if I remember correctly). That means that Ciel saw Penny fight a few times and, if you add that to the fact that James couldn’t have just added her to a random team for the Festival with no explanation whatsoever to the team or their classmates, that probably means Penny more or less attended Atlas Academy with Ciel and two other teammates, so her presence in the Festival wouldn’t be strange.

However, we know Atlas Academy’s stance on friendships among teams and we saw how socially unaware Penny was during her first meeting with Team RWBY and how happy she was to find someone who would call her a friend. So it isn’t a stretch to think that none of Penny’s teammates were really friendly to her, keeping their relationships professional, to her dismay.

Moving on !

I heard a song once

It posed this point of view

That wishes made on stars 

Are likely to come true

So here’s my secret

At bedtime every night

I searched the sky and hoped to find 

A star who’d send a light

To me

The one thing I need

Just one kind soul

With a heart of gold

Then my dreams became real

And I finally feel not alone

Do hugs always make you feel this warm ?

A big chunk again, but this one will be easier to break down.

This part of the song tells us that Penny’s dream was to have a friend, even “Just one kind soul” to ease the loneliness. Her best bet for that was to make a wish on a star and yeah, that’s awfully cute, because all of us, when we were kids, were told that kind of story, but it’s also sad that Penny’s only hope to find a friend was to be granted a miracle from a star far away. And, given that the previous part of the song mentioned a dark night sky with no light (“Moonless, there’s no light”), we also know that there weren’t a lot of stars for Penny to wish on, or in other words, that her chances of her wish being granted were very small.

However, the miracle happened ! Ruby appeared and made Penny’s dream come true ! The one kind soul with a heart of gold who would be her friend !

The line about hugs making you feel warm doesn’t really fit in the narrative of their encounter and Ruby’s impact on Penny’s life, however, since the first time Penny asked Ruby this question was in V8, so much later in their relationship. To me, it mainly serves as the first line to really establish, with no possible doubt, that this song is sung from Penny’s point of view and that the friend she is referencing is Ruby, as this question is extremely specific and exclusive to the two of them.

My dreams came true

The day that you appeared

And called me “friend”

An answered prayer

A chance to

Share the world

To be a girl

Who finally felt alive

Refrain ! It’s all about how Ruby’s appearance indeed made Penny’s dreams a reality : she got a friend, someone she could explore the world with, talk to about it, ask questions to and discuss with, but most of all, someone with whom she could finally feel like a girl instead of a weapon, a living being instead of a machine. We know, from her reveal in V2, that Penny was very self-conscious and uncertain of her own humanity, that she knew a lot of people would see her as nothing but a robot and that she was half-believing they would be right to. Her relief when Ruby assured her she was a real girl was “crushing”, to say the least x)

And this feeling of being real and alive, she got it all thanks to Ruby and Ruby alone. None of the other heroes would have tried to become her friend if not for Ruby, so she’s really the starting point of almost all of Penny’s most important relationships.

I’m so excited

We’ll do so many friendship things

Paint our nails, try on clothes, talk about cute boys

Attached but not by Strings

Another callback to V1 with “Paint our nails, try on clothes, talk about cute boys”. The nostalgia is hitting hard. But, most importantly, we have our second V8 title : Strings. The episode in which Penny’s “strings”, the ones linking her to her swords, her robot body itself, reminded us that her allusion is Pinocchio, a puppet who was given life to, but who was still a puppet for most of the movie. Penny is a living being, but her robotic body was hackable, and because of that Watts was able to use a string (the connection between her and her swords) to plant a virus inside of her, starting her descent toward her tragic end.

In the context of this song though, the meaning of this word is not quite so dark. Penny is speaking from her V1 point of view, the point of view of a girl who just met her first friend, while all her previous relationships were mainly based on her condition as the first synthetic being able to produce an aura : the soldiers keeping watch over her because she’s a precious project, the scientists working on her so she could achieve her maximum potential, Ironwood who chose the Penny project over all others so the result of this project would protect and save the world... Penny was attached to all of them and they were all attached to her, but not by feelings : by the strings of work and duty, in both ways. Ruby was the first person who attached herself to Penny and let Penny attach herself to her for other reasons, purely out of affection and desire to be friends. She was the first person Penny was free to attach herself to as well : one of the first choices Penny really made for herself. No strings attached, yet still together because they both want to be.

And when you’ve got problems

Whoa ! Then I’ve got problems too

You’ll never face this world alone 

I’ll be right here it’s you

And me

Protectors of each other’s what we’ll be

First two lines are about Penny being ready to share her friend’s burdens, as friends tend to do, and this sentiment motivates the promise she makes in the next four lines, but here’s the thing : we’re still hearing Penny’s thoughts and point of view from V1. And since V1, she’s failed to make good on this promise twice : at the end of V3 and now at the end of V8, by dying, leaving Ruby alone to fend for herself, no “protector” there to guard her back and share her burdens with. Despite her best intentions, Penny cannot make good on the promise she seems to have made Ruby (or internally made, most likely) back in V1. 

Now, that’s the pessimistic opinion. If you look at it from a more optimistic point of view, you could say the exact opposite thing, at least when it comes to her V3 death : Penny went so far as to overcome death to come back in V7 and by Ruby’s side. She’s done it once, and you can expect that girl to do it a second time, because she made a promise to her friend and she’s going to keep it.

You saw my soul

Through the nuts and bolts

You’re the friend I can trust

Helped me see I’m not just a machine

And is this what “All the feels” mean ?

And now we are entering the realm of V2 references ! Basically just a retelling of Penny’s big reveal and all the times Ruby has reassured her that she’s a real girl since that first time, though to be honest, I’m not sure where the last line comes from. I don’t remember hearing either of them talking about “all the feels” and even my digging in V1, 2 and 3 didn’t help, so if anyone has an idea, hit me up, ‘cause this has me stumped.

I’ve been combat-ready since the day Dad made me

Now I’ll fight for something more

Might sound wholesome but strangely

I’ve got friends I’m fighting for

This part is now about the events of V7 and 8, I believe. Everyone was friendly to Penny back in V2 and 3, after her help at the docks, but I am not certain they would have considered each other actual friends, with how little time Penny was able to spend with them, aside from Ruby. So her referring to the multiple friends she is now fighting for fits more with her situation and relationships from V7 and 8 as well as character arc in those volumes, especially since she never fought for her friends in earlier volumes (with the exception of the fight at the docks, but even then she was fighting mostly for Ruby, not really for the others). In the last two volumes however, especially V8, she had to choose between her allegiance to the military and the safety of the people she cared about, her friends as well as the people of Mantle.

But I found that humanity

It came with sacrifice, a pact

To shield you from the wicked even if I can’t

Live for real it was worth it to know you

And now we are hearing Penny’s point of view in her last moments in V8 : the moment she sacrificed herself and died a second time.

As I understand it, Penny’s humanity, her feelings, her love for her friends, is what pushed her to sacrifice herself : because she cared for them, she didn’t want them to die at Cinder’s hands, and she knew that would be what would happen if Cinder got both sets of Maiden powers : she would be unstoppable by non-Maiden and non-SEW characters. So, to “shield [her friends, and especially Ruby] from the wicked (Cinder and Salem)”, she decides to sacrifice herself to make sure that the Winter Maiden powers end up in good hands. She makes this decision knowing that she is sacrificing her life and won’t be able to live “for real”. I think this means that a part of her will survive, the part of her who will live on in Winter (and, to some extent, the part of her that will stay alive in her friends’ hearts), so she will “live on”, if only her memory and will, but even if she can’t have a life of her own, she doesn’t regret sacrificing her existence if it means protecting her friends, and especially Ruby, because knowing Ruby had made her life worthwhile.

What Penny is saying is that, if she could choose between staying alive in a world where she never met Ruby and dying in this world where they became friends, she would choose becoming Ruby’s friend and dying, because their friendship is what made life worth living for Penny.

My dreams came true

The day that you appeared

And called me “friend”

An answered prayer

A chance to

Share the world

To be a girl

Who finally felt alive

We end the song on the refrain, which isn’t all that uncommon, but has a bittersweet taste after the last part of the song : just after Penny says that she doesn’t regret dying if it means saving her friends, because Ruby made her life worthwhile, the refrain reminds us that having a friend was her dream, what she prayed for every night, the source of every good thing in her life and the one thing that made her feel alive.

So, what does this song mean for Penny And Ruby’s characters now and going forward ?

For Ruby, who was the recipient of the song, it’s hard to tell, but I think that the lines about Ruby and Penny being there for and protecting each other give us a hint : Penny failed to make good on her promise for the second time now and left Ruby alone, again. If Ruby’s feelings for Penny are half as strong as Penny’s feelings for her were, this is going to break her, especially now, after everything Ruby went through in just two days and the small breakdown she had with Yang a couple of episodes ago. Ruby is in an emotionally vulnerable state at the moment, she can’t run from her trauma and not address it like she usually does, and she will have to face whatever feelings Penny’s death will ignite in her. Considering her horror and denial when Penny asked her to kill her and take the Maiden powers, learning that Penny still died, after all their efforts to save her, is going to do a number on her.

For Penny and her arc, it is hard to say. On one hand, the end of the song make it sound like Penny is alright and at peace with her death and its circumstances, that she considers it a necessary sacrifice to save her friends, just like what Vine did in the same episode. Both of them were at peace with this decision because they knew it would take an immediate, extreme danger away from their friends and keep them safe for a while. On the other hand, there is still this promise that Penny made to herself/Ruby that she’d always be by Ruby’s side to help her face the world and her problems and the fact that she made good on that promise before by coming back to life, something that Ruby didn’t expect at all, beating the odds once, meaning she might be able to beat them again. It is odd to have a song containing this promise play right after a scene making it clear that the promise was broken for the second time and might not get fixed again if the intent was not to have Penny come back and make good on it once more.

I’ve seen the argument being made that the song is cheery and happy, unlike Cold which sounded like a eulogy, and that this difference might hint toward Penny coming back to life. However, this argument doesn’t seem viable to me because the song, as we’ve seen, focuses on all the happiness that Ruby brought to Penny’s life, how thankful Penny is for it, how that happiness made Penny’s sacrifice worth it and how this brought her peace instead of anguish and regrets. Not to mention that Cold was a song from the point of view of the survivors, not the one who had died : I’m pretty sure that if Friend had been from Ruby’s point of view after learning about Penny’s death, it would have been far less cheery.

So I really don’t know what it all means for Penny, except that her feelings for Ruby are incredibly strong and might be the key to her revival this time, if it happens.

[bestworstcase]

replies on this post ( @ngocthach4020​, numbering mine ):

Counterarguments:

1 - While I do agree that Zhan Tiri does a good job making it seem like she does care about Cassandra, the fact that Cassandra trusted a total stranger for over a year in itself makes her intelligence dubious at best. Not to mention Cassandra never asks the total stranger who mysteriously knows this much about her for her NAME during all that time, nor tries to find out anything else about her.

2 - Rapunzel is the heir to the throne. Of course she’s going to get more recognition than Cassandra. Cassandra herself was given multiple guard assignments throughout Season 1, cheered on by the people of Corona even when she came second place to Rapunzel at the Challenge of the Brave, and trusted with leading the assault against Varian in the season finale. This isn’t even getting into how she has plenty of opportunities at Ingvarr or Vardaros.

3 - The people of Vardaros focused on Rapunzel despite preferring Cassandra over her, yes, but that doesn’t change how they treated Rapunzel like dirt and Cassandra seemed to LIKE that.

4 - In the song I’d Give Anything, Rapunzel does acknowledge she wronged Cassandra.

5 - Just because Cassandra has legitimate grievances, it doesn’t excuse her trying to murder people who never did anything bad to her, which she does several times throughout Season 3.

firstly: i mean this in the kindest way possible but none of these are actually counter-arguments to the point i was making, which is that cassandra has very good reasons for her decision to trust zhan tiri and be emotionally vulnerable with her in the house of yesterday’s tomorrow. #2 is the only one relevant to the subject at hand, #1, #4, and #5 all concern things that happen after the incident being discussed and are thus irrelevant, and for #3 it’s unclear to me what point you think you’re countering and also, i have no idea what you’re talking about. 

but as with anything i have plenty of thoughts

#1: i have two thoughts about this one

the first is that this is, first and foremost, a writing issue. for whatever reason, the writing team was not interested in digging into cassandra’s character arc in s3, and they also were not interested in developing zhan tiri as a character, and they really were not interested in elaborating on the cass + zhan tiri friendship whatsoever. the end result of this lack of interest is that all of this character development is gestured at or loosely implied, and the vast majority of their relationship occurs off screen. we are shown their first meeting in relative detail, given a handful of brief glimpses that mostly comprise zhan tiri saying a line or two while cassandra listens and glares, and then given the end result of cass doing whatever zhan tiri tells her to do until a narratively convenient plot device is inserted to make her stop. the character development in this arc is extremely poor. no one is arguing that it isn’t. 

however my second thought is that, as a consequence, “cass travels with this person for almost a year without ever asking her name or trying to find out anything about her” is not, in fact, canon. that’s a matter of interpretation. (eg: i spent the entirety of the first half of the season assuming that of course cassandra knew who zhan tiri was, my reaction to CR in this regard boiled down to “well if cass didn’t already know that was zhan tiri she certainly does NOW,” RTTS did nothing to change my mind, and i was legitimately taken aback when OAH confirmed that cass just didn’t know. all of this was a plausible interpretation because so little of the cass + ziti relationship actually develops on screen. there is SO MUCH information missing.)

the point being: the only canonical information we have regarding zhan tiri’s identity and cassandra’s knowledge thereof is that cassandra doesn’t learn zhan tiri’s true identity until OAH. this does not preclude cassandra pressing the issue and zhan tiri lying to her by telling her a fake name, or feigning ignorance (a la “i’ve been trapped in that house for as long as i can remember and i have no idea where i came from or who i was before then,” which is absolutely a plausible cover story given the kind of things tromus pulled off whilst team corona was trapped in the HOYT and that cass herself has very recent experience with magical memory loss), or masquerading as an aspect of the moonstone itself (which is at least plausible enough that a good chunk of the fandom theorized that that’s who she was in the early half of the season). 

there is, frankly, no evidence to support interpreting cassandra’s “who are you?” as “i’ve literally never asked this question before” instead of “you told me things about yourself that i believed but it’s not adding up anymore so i’m confronting you on your lies” or vice versa, because... we just don’t know. i personally favor the latter interpretation over the former, because it makes more sense to me, but the text is unclear.

all of which is to say: the post was about why cassandra trusts zhan tiri initially, a questions which - as i said in the original post - is answered very clearly on screen. there is not enough canonical information about the development of their relationship afterwards to do anything more than speculative analysis, ie headcanon, regarding how zhan tiri cultivated that trust. for what it’s worth my personal assumption is that zhan tiri continued to act as she does in RR, fostering the emotional connection between herself and cassandra, and that shortly after the stinger in who’s afraid of the big bad wolf (ie their second proper meeting) she gave cass some explanation of who she was and what she wanted. i also make the general assumption that they shared a lot of conversations during the long walk back to corona because it is ludicrous to imagine otherwise. 

#2: cassandra is a commoner who was indoctrinated from birth with the cultural belief that the lives of the royal family are more important and have more inherent worth than her own. this only intensified once rapunzel returned to corona. cassandra exists in a system that chews her up and spits her out without so much as a thank you, and rapunzel is the center around which that system orbits. “rapunzel is the heir to the throne so of course she gets more recognition than cassandra, her servant” isn’t, in fact, a counterargument. that is exactly the problem. the world cass is in is inherently devalues her personhood. even her own father repeatedly prioritizes his duty to the monarchy over the wellbeing of his daughter.

in s1, cass is given guard duties which she is expected to fit around her already extremely busy schedule as a maid and lady-in-waiting to the princess, all without ever being made an actual member of the royal guard. she is given, in other words, all of the work and responsibility without any of the recognition, salary, benefits, or job security afforded to actual guards, and she is expected to do it during her scant time off. and she does it all with the constant unspoken threat of being sent to a convent against her will if she screws up looming over her head. that’s not... privilege or an opportunity, that’s flat out exploitation. 

even in SOTS, she is only put in command of the assault on old corona because most of the higher officers of the guard are out of commission, including the captain. and this happens mere hours after her father forcibly sends her to a convent, which really underscores what little autonomy cassandra has in her life and how capricious and arbitrary any “opportunities” that come her way in corona are. 

yes, she is better accepted in vardaros and the queen of ingvarr did at one point extend an invitation for her to join the battalion in ingvarr, but—again, that’s not really a counterargument. “cassandra would have to leave her home and move to a foreign kingdom in order to be treated with respect and live as her authentic self” is an enormous indictment of corona itself. 

#3: the vardarans are less than receptive to rapunzel attempting to force her sunny demeanor onto them and react with hostile indifference when she persists even after being told—by multiple people including vex, quaid, cassandra, and iirc eugene—that her behavior was not wanted or welcome. they make their opinions known without making any attempt to soften the blow, but—with the one exception of “ya clod” lady—none of them harass or bully her. i’m not sure where you’re getting “they treat her like dirt” from. they treat her like people who are annoyed with having someone else’s culture jammed down their throats by some foreign princess, which,

cass, by the same token, enjoys being surrounded by people she “clicks” with and with whom she can just relax and be herself, and she repeatedly cautions rapunzel against trying to make the vardarans act, think, and feel like coronans... in other words, she advises rapunzel to be culturally sensitive. and she’s right to do so. cass doesn’t start gloating about being better liked until after rapunzel lashes out at her and makes a huge deal out of cass’s events being different / more in tune with vardaran culture than her own. 

#4: things rapunzel does a full year after cass meets zhan tiri in the shell house are not relevant to the question of why cass trusts zhan tiri in the shell house and also lol no... she doesn’t? these are the lyrics of i’d give anything: 

[RAPUNZEL] I know we've grown apart It breaks my heart in two I miss your company The closeness we once knew

I won't pretend to know Just what you're going through But I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything with you So if you find that you're in darkness or despair Though you won't turn to me Please know I'll be right there Name any sacrifice I'll pay the price that's due 'Cause I'd give anything for you Yes, I'd give anything to relive everything we knew Yes, I'd give anything For you

i don’t... know how to read an expression of apology or even just acknowledgement of wrongdoing into this song because it... isn’t there. this is the exact same sentiment rapunzel spends the entirety of s3 expressing, which is that she misses her friendship with cass and would do anything to get it back and she doesn’t understand why cassandra is so upset. and frankly it really. does not reflect well on rapunzel as a character because cassandra explains her grievances very clearly at the beginning of the season: “my whole life, i’ve been cast aside for you. no more,” followed by, you know, the entirety of crossing the line.

like even just... compare rapunzel’s lines at the top of crossing the line:

[RAPUNZEL] This has to stop now Whatever it is that you're going through We'll fix it together, me and you Just like we've always done

to her lines in i’d give anything: 

I won't pretend to know Just what you're going through

there has been zero growth. zero recognition of the fact that cassandra has, by the time of i’d give anything, told rapunzel what she’s going through at least three times. (she laid everything out for rapunzel in the dark fortress after taking the moonstone; in gothel’s mirror room in TOTS, cassandra expressed her anguish over gothel’s abandonment and her feelings of inferiority; in OAH, cass used feldspar’s play to fumblingly express her difficulty sharing her feelings with rapunzel; and if you want to count the BVA rock telepathy and cassandra furiously screaming “i don’t follow your orders anymore!” in CR, that brings us to a total of five times that cassandra shares at least part of what she’s “going through” with rapunzel only for it to, apparently, go in one ear and out the other because by plus est raps is still like “what could POSSIBLY be GOING ON with cass.”)

the closest rapunzel ever comes to expressing her own wrongdoing is the mealy-mouthed “we both did things wrong” sentiment in OAH (“maybe you’re right and it is your fault, rapunzel... partially...”), which she then undermines by going essentially “but if you had just told me how you felt then none of this would have happened” (ignoring that cass... did... tell her how she felt... repeatedly... in s2...) and rapunzel acknowledging that it was probably annoying to deal with a sunny “flower child” when she was fresh out of the tower (which is true, but entirely glosses over her treatment of cass in s2). in the former instance it’s unclear what, if anything, rapunzel truly thinks she did wrong (certainly “not listening” isn’t it), and in the latter case she is apologizing for being ~too free-spirited~ in the first couple weeks after the tower which... wasn’t even the problem back then and certainly wasn’t the core problem in s2. and by her own admission in i’d give anything rapunzel still doesn’t even understand why cassandra was upset in the first place, let alone how she may have contributed to it. 

like the utter dearth of development between cass and zhan tiri, this is ultimately a writing problem that reflects poorly on the character, rather than a character problem per se. for whatever reason, the writing team didn’t want to examine the legitimacy of cassandra’s actual grievances—which by extension meant that they couldn’t write rapunzel as having any awareness of those grievances, so the end result is cass obsessing over gothel and rapunzel spending the entire season baffled, just baffled, about what cass is so worked up about, all while sadly pining for the friendship they used to have and vocalizing a desire to get it back but simultaneously ignoring everything cass says about why she’s upset, because rapunzel listening to cass would require rapunzel to genuinely wrestle with her own role in what happened, which isn’t possible because that would loop us back around to all those legitimate grievances that the writers just didn’t want to (or couldn’t) deal with.

but tldr no at no point in the narrative of s3 does rapunzel genuinely acknowledge the actual things she did wrong by cass.

#5: i’m genuinely not sure why you think this is even relevant at all, unless you somehow read “cass did nothing wrong” into the argument of “it is both natural and reasonable for cass to trust the one (1) person who appears to give a damn about how she feels,” which i think says more about you than it does about me. 

[foreignobjecticus]

Fic writer interview

 tagged by: @thisbluespirit - thank you!

 name: foreignobjecticus on AO3

 fandoms: Blake’s 7, Morgan’s Boy. I have a handful of fics/ideas for a lot of other fandoms including Granada Holmes, Raffles, Callan, Poirot, Fallout 4, etc., but I don’t really have anything postable for those.

 two-shot: I kind of have a two shot with In Stitches mainly because we (@hadescavedish) didn’t know when to stop on that. I also have a two shot for this thing I’m working on right now which should be in the upcoming @rebelsandfools. It’ll definitely be only part one tho, but it stands alone.

 most popular multi-chapter fic: I don’t really have any multi-chapter ones tbh. Mainly, it’s just not how I work (and I don’t really count my veryyyy old fics from inactive fandoms). I write big fics, sure, but we die like men and post them all in one chunk (personally, I find reading multi-chapters on AO3 annoying and prefer to use the Entire Work function). Also, if you multi-chapter and work as you go, you can’t go back later and add things/alter earlier plot points. Since I’m not very strong with plot, this is something I can’t give up!

I do have some background multichapter things, at least one of which I intend to post in full once completed, whenever that should happen. It’s for a fandom not on this list and very loosely based to the point where it might as well be original. We’ll see.

 actual worst part of writing: Having a whole scene pop into your head while busy and then not having the chance to write it down. Also, getting a certain turn of phrase or set of adjectives stuck in your head and then reusing them too much.

 how you choose your titles: In a panic when AO3 pings me as having missed a box when I’m ready to post! Hahah

Funny thing, in Grade 7 I wrote a story and gave it a title which the teacher marked as “bad, irrelevant”, and ever since then, I’ve been hyper-aware of making sure the title makes at least a little bit of sense, which is why I don’t use song lyrics. Generally, at a stretch, I’ll pick out a phrase in the fic or sometimes a kind of play on words. They’re never all that clever. I don’t know if Mrs. H would be proud ahahahaah

 do you outline: Sometimes. I’m getting better at it as I write more, but I didn’t use to. These days I’m usually discussing the fic or hcs with someone, so I get direction from conversation, sometimes whole outlines. Because I’m not big on plot, I never used to – a Catch-22 kind of thing, really; no plan, no plot, no plot, no plan.

 ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: I have so many WIPs/hc ideas that are yet to be made into fic/more than a few snippets. The thing is, I rarely abandon something – I’ll get to it eventually if I have the time. My latest projects I have in the back of my head for after RnF are a collab, an epilogue for MB (predictable, but I like to hurt), a couple of crack and/or smut fics which I have been sitting on for nearly a year, a B7/MB crossover, a handful of private projects, and two or three big A/V AUs of various sorts plus 600 small ones. (See, even writing this, I went to check a list I have from October last year and I have a few things to check off while most of these above are still on it.)

 callouts @ me: repetitive use of words. Also spending far too many hours re-reading what I’ve already wrote instead of writing new content.    

 best writing traits: Not entirely sure – a lot of the time, the things people pinpoint in their comments are the bits I was least sure of in my fic, but that’s also very encouraging! I often get compliments on getting character voices right, which is lovely!

 spicy tangential opinion: If you’re writing a main canon character completely ooc just to fit whatever’s happening in your plot or cramming them in to fit a theme, probably stop writing them and use a different character/oc instead. Interpretations and characters acting ooc because of the situation can be very effective if done correctly, but if done wrong, imo it just makes the fic unreadable. The key is finding a balance if you’re gonna go there. Of course, this is an opinion which can vary vastly between readers/writers.

 tagging: so many of you have been tagged already! Alright, I’m going to tag @anoddreindeer, @jaelijn, @bruinhilda and @wat-the-cur this time - only do if you want to, of course! And apologies if you’ve already been tagged elsewhere.

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 1: Andrew

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety

These songs are going to be the biggest chunk of the playlist. Are we surprised?

Okay here we go:

1. Take Me To Church - Hozier

I was not joking about Neil being a Hozier fan. You cannot tell me this boy doesn’t hear this song on the radio and immediately think of Andrew. Every time it came on he’d make sure the radio stayed on the station so he could listen all the way through. It got overplayed but he’s probably the only person in the world who never got sick of it at the time. He got used to listening to the same songs over and over again with his mom, so he's even comforted by repeating songs now.

5. Stay - Rihanna & Mikky Ekko

So one night, after several nightmares within the span of a few hours, Neil wasn’t too proud to admit that he absolutely wasn’t going to get any decent sleep that night. Andrew took him on a long drive without even having to be asked. The silence was shoving Neil even further into his thoughts, so Andrew turned on the radio. He settled on a station that was playing softer music that Neil probably wouldn’t hate, and he just kept driving. Once this song came on, Neil became enamored with it. It’s another one of those songs that makes him think of Andrew, but it’s more because he listens to the lyrics and realizes Andrew has said half of these things to him. It’s now a song that, even years later when he and Andrew are living in separate states and desperately trying to land contracts with the same team, Neil listens to on bad nights.

6. River - Bishop Briggs

Listen... this is just another really solid Andreil song.......... and I’m absolutely positive this is a song that Neil would like. Let me have this.

For Neil everything with Andrew is simultaneously loud and quiet and intense and gentle and hard and soft. He’s never known someone to make him feel so much yet calm him down from panic to nothing so smoothly. Even their intimacy holds so much complexity and weight to it. This is a song I feel like Andrew introduced him to, because it absolutely makes him think of Neil too (not that he'd say that out loud).

8. Dreams - The Cranberries

Renee likes the Cranberries and she got Andrew into them too. Andrew pretends this song doesn’t make him think about Neil but no one is actually fooled by that when they catch him listening to it. Least of all Neil because he feels the same thing listening to the lyrics. Not much explanation past that. Neil vibes with this song right from the opening lyrics (”Oh, my life is changing every day in every possible way”), to the comparison of a lover to a dream (he still remembers when Andrew called him a pipedream, even if he didn’t understand at the time), to the vocal breaks in the middle and at the end where it just sounds like someone singing their soul right out of their body.

Neil is a private person and not someone to ever scream his love from rooftops. But that doesn’t mean the concept doesn’t hit him deep. He’s been through a lot and he’s come out the other end with a love of his own that’s deeper and more than anything he ever imagined. His lack of expressing passion about most things (Andrew) doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel incredibly passionate about certain things in a way that cuts deep. He found love and it’s incredible

12. Easily - Bruno Major

I've mentioned this previously, but I hc that Andrew and Neil almost broke up in Neil’s last year at Palmetto. Not going to get into it, but this song had a big part in pulling Neil through that whole year, ESPECIALLY the situation with Andrew. Maybe I’ll make a separate, more detailed post about that sometime. But basically I hc that neither of them were in good spots emotionally. And Andrew was very close to giving up on everything - including Neil.

They managed to pull through and stop one another from giving up on it all, even when things got really hard.

15. Sunlight - Hozier

No I’m not done with the Hozier songs. Did I say I was done with the Hozier songs? Not gonna happen.

Anyway so the story of this song is he was talking with Allison and Nicky once about music and their SOs (well he was listening more than talking but he wasn’t ignoring them), and Nicky outright asked him if there was a song that made him think of Andrew. He’d heard this one for the first time recently and it was just the most recent of many songs that make him think of Andrew, so he threw it out there to humor them. They hadn’t heard it but were very doubtful that any song titled “Sunlight” could have anything to do with Andrew at all, so he showed it to them. They didn’t really change their minds and instead Allison went on another tirade about how Neil is gone for Andrew in a way that Andrew couldn’t possibly be for him and how she was worried for him. Nicky stood up for his cousin a bit, but ultimately was still agreeing with Allison to a degree that Neil may be expecting more than what Andrew could give him blah, blah, blah.

Neil wasn’t happy. Instead he found himself latching onto this song even further and becoming even more assured that it was a song for Andrew. Just because the others refused to understand who Andrew really is and the ways he’s learning to grow and heal and the fact that he’s someone worth loving god dammit, doesn’t mean Andrew is the monster they make him out to be.

For a while afterwards, he’ll put this song on if he’s ever given the aux cord. Because he’s petty. If Andrew catches on to what he’s trying to do, he never says anything.

19. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

This is definitely a song that makes Neil think of Andrew, though he'd never tell him that. They have both played both parts in this song, and it makes Neil's heart ache to think of all the bad nights that they weren't there for one another - whether it was distance or stubbornness or just general shitty circumstance. They both can get so trapped in their own heads in different (and sometimes similar) ways, and they're relationship has really been built in a lot of ways on the depth of emotional support they've learned to give one another in rough times. That steadiness, that presence that stays by you and keeps you grounded even when you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere far away. That is what they give one another.

24. Day After Day - Badfinger

This is another one he used to listen to with his mother, but he didn't really latch onto it until his final year at Palmetto when he and Andrew were doing long-distance. He learned in that year just how sentimental he had become in some ways. He finds it in the bone-deep longing he gets on late nights when he just wishes he could lie in bed next to Andrew - because he knew that's when he sleeps best. He'd listen to this song and let himself wallow for a little while, and then eventually put it away and carry on because he didn't have the time to slow down and feel things too hard.

Things are much better now and he doesn't feel as bad when he listens to the song. It's just a pleasant sound he leans into sometimes.

26. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

This is another one that he first heard from his mother, but kept for himself without allowing it to be stained with her memory. It is one of those ones he listened to a great deal during his last year when things with Andrew got hard. He committed himself to not letting him go or breaking off what they had unless Andrew ever directly asked him to. He couldn't find it in himself to ever do that.

This song reminds him of that commitment and helps him stay strong with it, for better or worse. Everyone was convinced from the beginning that either Neil was bad for Andrew (Aaron) or Andrew was bad for Neil (everyone else except Renee and Nicky basically). This reminds him that he knows Andrew better. He knows HIMSELF better. He knows they aren't perfect, but he refuses to let himself fall into their blocked mentality where they choose to be blind to the reality of Andrew's character (or his own for that matter). He knows they are good together. He knows they help one another, they don't hold each other back. And he refuses to give up on them unless Andrew asks him to.

28. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and The Bee

This is another final-year-at-Palmetto one. He stumbles across this song while listening to one of Robin's playlists while he was driving her to practice. Listen to the lyrics and hear just how Andreil this song is. It fits so well, and Neil has to pull over and collect himself for a moment when he first hears it. It had been an especially rough week and he'd been struggling trying to balance giving Andrew space and support with communicating his own needs. This gives him the push he needs. He calls him later that night to talk and their time apart starts getting a bit more bearable for it.

29. TALK ME DOWN - Troye Sivan

This was Andrew's song that made him think of Neil. In every way. He found it while they were doing long distance. Neil first heard it on a midnight drive they took while he was visiting Andrew. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Neil eventually asked him why he listens to this one when his taste is usually much louder stuff. He was expecting a stoically-delivered joke denying any potential relation to Neil or a comment about how Nicky got it stuck in his head or something while they were video chatting one weekend. Instead, Andrew just responded "You know why."

Neil stored the song away to listen to later on when they were once again sleeping in separate beds in separate states, knowing Andrew was probably listening to it as well.

38. Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie

Neil doesn't know why this song makes him emotional (yes he does). He doesn't know what it is about it that feels like it cuts so deep (it's because Andrew sent it to him). He doesn't get why Andrew showed it to him (it's because Andrew asked him to stay, but would never force him to if he ever did decide to run). He just listens and feels comforted.

44. I'm so Tired - Lauv & Troye Sivan

This is another one Neil found when he and Andrew were doing long distance. It was a bit of a rocky time for them and there were several of those make-or-break moments. You know, the kind any relationship has where you either pull through it together and are stronger for it, or end things where they are and go your separate ways. I imagine - during a particularly rough patch - Neil heard this song from one of his underclassmen roommates. He was thinking about Andrew (when is he not) and part of him wondered if Andrew was better off finding guys in bars to take home and have no connection to. It was a spiteful moment of self-pity that he let himself indulge in before coming to his senses and giving Andrew a call to smooth things over a bit.

He still listens back to the song sometimes. It has a nice, soft, smooth feeling to it. Now when he listens to it, he finds himself focusing more on the singer asking their lover to take them home so they can move forward because they're too tired to fight. He remembers how, when he and Andrew have reached that point, they've continuously chosen to fall back to one another instead of pulling away. It's a very comforting thought for him.

45. NFWMB - Hozier

I don't even know if I have to explain this one.

There are a lot of things that Andrew and Neil see in one another, but I think one major thing is how strong they both are in their own ways. Neither of them are someone you want to fuck with. This song is perfect for that.

And, once again I will say, Neil is a Hozier fan and I'll die on this hill.

50. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Another Hozier song look at that

Anyway this is song encapsulates exactly how Andrew feels about Neil repeatedly choosing Andrew (at least, how he feels about it in the beginning of their relationship). And Neil isn't blind to this at all. What he also isn't blind to (but that he knows Andrew forgets sometimes) is how Neil is also the stray Andrew showed too much kindness. Andrew is as stuck with Neil as Neil is making himself stuck with Andrew.

51. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

If asked why he likes this song, he'd say it's because Matt showed it to him and it reminds him of Matt and Dan's inspiring relationship. There are very few people he'd admit the truth to.

Something about the song feels too typical and approachable to admit applying to him and Andrew. They don't have a "normal" relationship and there are a lot of norms they don't stick to. Neither of them are ashamed of that in any capacity (as they absolutely shouldn't be), and ultimately it just feels very strange to them both to consider what's between them as being on the same level of what other's have. Not necessarily in a better-worse context, more just an acknowledgment of stark differences.

But I think Neil also experiences a certain level of comfort when he catches himself relating to other "normal" people. So when he finds himself thinking of Andrew when he hears this song, he's not going to ignore that or let it go. He may, however, keep it to himself for a while. It just feels nice to do that.

72. 99 Luftballons - Nena

As a general rule, Neil doesn't like loud music. This one is an exception (though "loud" may be a bit of a stretch here) because he once got to hear Andrew singing along to it in the car late at night.

Andrew does that sometimes, sings along to songs when it's just him and Neil. It's never with a great deal of gusto or volume, more so just a soft mumble on a late night drive to ground them both. This song came on on a particularly rough night, but by the end of it Andrew was singing along louder than he ever did. Still not saying much, but it was a noticeable change to Neil.

Neil knows he was allowed to see something special that night - Andrew allowing himself to let out something he was feeling. Neil got to see Andrew in what amounts to a moment of vulnerability for him. It means the world to him.

74. Gooey - Glass Animals

This song makes Neil feel the way Andrew makes him feel. There's no other way to describe it. When it's just the two of them and they have moments of quiet intimacy, there's a specific feeling Neil starts getting - float-y but secure. Like he'd drift away if it weren't for an invisible string Andrew was holding.

If Andrew caught Neil humming this song one night as he fell asleep, unaware, he kept quiet about it.

75. Turn - The Wombats

This song Neil keeps because it's one Andrew specifically sent him. He didn't give an explanation, just "for your playlist, rabbit".

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

viper jaskier AU teaser

Did you want to read a bit of the setup for my Viper!Jaskier AU? well how about a lovely chunk of the first chapter to tide you over! That sounds like fun, right?

It is not out of edits yet technically, and it is not the entire chapter and I have cut out significant chunks of content so it remains new when I put it on AO3, but I am very proud of it. Please let me know what you think?

------------

Jaskier had, perhaps, been a bit too rash in storming down the mountain after the dragon hunt, effectively removing himself from Geralt’s life. Geralt from his life. Whichever way you cut it, they aren’t going to be travelling together anymore and… and good riddance, frankly.

Jaskier spent two decades as a stand-in for someone else, and he had borne it for the love of that fucking man, despite what little good sense he had. And in return he gets told off for having the audacity to try to cheer Geralt up after whatever happened with Yen that left him in such a foul and hateful temper? Oh yes, how dare he care about his friend – certainly that deserves sharp words about knowing when to shut up.

It was better than being alone, with the gaping ache in his chest as he tried to find his way to something that would fill the empty loneliness, that he'd felt every time he was without Geralt. But he’s done. He’s washed his hands of Geralt of fucking Rivia, and he’s glad of it.

Except that he’s not. Not really. Jaskier is in the next town down a random road, out of the town Roach had been stabled in at the bottom of the mountain, and his chest aches and aches and aches, the way it did before he met Geralt, the way it did every time they were apart. When he met Geralt it was a revelation how well he could fill that emptiness, and he stayed with the man for twenty years. Twenty. Years. Despite the harsh words. Despite the way he sometimes heard Jaskier and looked as if he’d just eaten a lemon. Despite the fact that Jaskier knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the witcher tolerated Jaskier because of someone he'd already fucking lost.. And then after Jaskier finally lost his patience with it and told Geralt as much, he had the audacity to try to claim that he’d let Jaskier stay for his own sake.

Which, frankly, was bullshit, and Jaskier knows it.

Which is why he is here, two weeks later, in this shit town, spending the last of his coin on another bottle of some sort of local liquor. It tastes like shit, but it gets you completely drunk, which is a good state to be in for the shit songs he’s writing and will never perform.

He says

It’s you and always you

I say

You never really saw me

Jaskier hums a bit, tucked into a table in the far corner of the tavern after having been booed into ending his attempted performance, trying to fit the scrawled (nearly illegible) lyrics to some kind of melody, and takes another swig of the bottle next to his journal. “Nah, that’s shit,” he mutters to himself, and scribbles it out loosely.

Maybe it should be a song that blames himself. He’s the one that turned it into a goddamn argument, after all. Geralt had snapped at him how many times, and he’d never taken it personally, but this time somehow was too much? Especially when Geralt was… already upset. He’s not sure what happened between Geralt and Yennefer, but he knows something happened, something not good, and yet he still pushed, and took it personally when Geralt didn’t respond well. Of course Geralt didn’t respond well.

Honestly, Jaskier only had himself to blame for being alone, after all that.

It’s been two weeks. Two weeks he’s been drunk off his ass and written a complete load of maudlin and frankly idiotic shite. He passes out at the table eventually, face planted into his journal and liquor bottle emptied down to the dregs.

The tavern owner apparently thought it best to let him sleep it off, because it's not until morning that Jaskier's roughly shaken awake and told in no uncertain terms to get out, and that his bardic services won't be needed again. Jaskier doesn't blame him; can’t keep a bard on hand if he largely sings depressing songs, he supposes. 

He starts walking out of town, hoping he actually has all his things, and decides to take stock, even if he's still a bit wobbly. He has his lute, his bedroll, a silver dagger Geralt gave him once "for emergencies", and his bag that mostly just has a change of clothes that probably needs washing pretty badly. A quick subtle smell test (which frankly, Jaskier realizes didn't need to be subtle, as there's no one on the road with him, but old habits and all) verifies that he does absolutely need a bath before he does anything else.

Right.

Geralt is gone. Jaskier has left Geralt. Geralt and Jaskier are no longer... whatever they were. Friends? It seems shallow to call them friends, but they weren't anything else. And maybe the leaving was his fault - Geralt was angry, and upset, and Jaskier knows probably better than anyone how much Geralt doesn't know how to handle strong emotions. Maybe Jaskier shouldn't have left. But he did leave.

They're done.

Geralt is gone.

Jaskier is alone.

It's an awful feeling, being alone, but Jaskier spent twenty years imperfectly filling a role someone else had filled before Geralt ever met him. Trying to fill a hole in Geralt's heart the way Geralt filled a hole in his. The problem is the shape of it: Jaskier's loneliness is broad and overwhelming and he's dealt with it as long as he can remember. Geralt's is shaped like a specific person.

And Jaskier is forty-two. He's too old to trail after a man with no interest in him like a lost puppy. He's too old to keep trying to wedge himself into a place he doesn't fit into, just so he won't feel lonely. He's too old to sit around for weeks crying over a broken heart he saw coming almost two decades ago; too old to be drinking himself to oblivion, and playing nothing but heartbreaking songs. He has the rest of his life to live.

So, metaphorically at any rate, he picks himself out of the dirt, dusts himself off, and keeps moving. He's still living, even if the life he'd built is in ruins, so now he rebuilds it.

[...]

It's been almost two years since leaving Geralt when he runs into the mage in Temeria.

He's played quiet inns and taverns before, and the key to those is generally to work at various familiar and relatively low-key songs until the audience responds, and work from there. But in this town, they seem to not want to engage, and he only plays for about an hour before he gives up, and asks for a meal and some ale.

"I wish you'd played longer," a man says, sitting down across from Jaskier. "You have a beautiful voice."

Jaskier glanced up at him, and considered what might be happening. The man was a bit older than him by all accounts, greying black hair and moderately attractive; his clothes weren't fancy silks or anything, but they looked finely-woven and well-fitted. And there was something about his eyes that set Jaskier on edge.

"Mmm," he said, something clenching nervously in his stomach. "No offence," he says lightly, with effort, "but I have a policy not to fuck mages. Professional courtesy and personal preference. You understand."

"I'm a bit disappointed on principle," the man says, with a hesitant smile. "But no, that's not why I wished to speak to you, Jaskier." 

Jaskier is almost more terrified by that than by the compliment. "I don't know where Geralt of Rivia is, either," he says, trying not to let any panic into his voice and failing miserably. "Haven't seen him in years, actually."

"My name is Doran," the man says gently. "I am a mage, though I'm mostly removed from the politics of the Brotherhood. And I'm not here to hurt you or ply you for information."

"Really?" Jaskier asks, dubious and still rather terrified, if he's being honest. "Not to be rude, but given my experience with magical personages, that seems highly unlikely."

Doran doesn't seem phased, though, and just leans forward. "You've a curse on you, bard. It seems rather nasty, and I... wanted to make sure you knew, I suppose."

Well. That certainly got Jaskier's attention quickly, and he freezes for a moment, his heart clenched. "A curse?"

"A curse," Doran verifies, nodding. "A strong one, too, as far as I can tell. Did you anger a wizard recently?"

Jaskier's pretty sure he hasn't, but he wracks his brain anyway, thinking back and trying to think of any magic users other than Yennefer that he might've pissed off enough to have a strong curse on him that he somehow doesn't know about.

"I... mildly irritated a sorceress nearly two years ago," he offers. "But I'm relatively certain she was much angrier at someone else. We have history, the irritation was mutual. Actually, I was off my game; I was probably more irritated than she was." He's starting to get jittery, turning moments over in his mind, turning himself over in his mind. 

"I doubt that would've been the source then, even for a touchy mage," Doran says thoughtfully. "Casting this curse would've taken a fair amount of effort." Jaskier's food and drink arrive, and he stares blankly down at his stew, his stomach souring. No, definitely not in the mood to eat anymore, and he pushes the bowl to the side.

[...]

"I should put this up in my room, if that's all right?" Doran nods his agreement, and Jaskier heads upstairs to stash his lute safely in his locked room. He pauses before going back downstairs, rests his forehead against the door, and takes a moment to breathe.

He's cursed, with a powerful and unknown curse, that could take effect at any moment, that he'd received at some unknown point in time, and if anything happens to him, Geralt will almost certainly never find out. Jaskier can't even be melodramatic and leave a letter for Geralt, because there isn't anywhere to send it. And it doesn't escape his notice that even now, with the spectre of something awful hanging over him, two years after he'd walked away, the only person he can think of is Geralt.

"Fuck," he whispers into the empty room. "Geralt, I swear to Melitele if this kills me, you'd better find out and grieve me like you were grieving your damn ghost for twenty years."

Then he takes a deep breath, straightens his back, and exits the room.

[...]

Jaskier sits on the cot and folds his hands in his lap to keep himself from fidgeting absently with any of the bottles or dried herbs within reach, like he would when he was six and fifteen and twenty-seven and now forty-four, and he waits.

"I'm making a tea that helps keep my magic focused," Doran says as he uses a small bit of magic to heat the water and herbal mixture he'd made. "Not something I need assistance with, generally speaking, but it will lessen the effort it takes to do, so I can focus my efforts on finding the shape of your curse and how to unwind it."

"That's fair," Jaskier says, jiggling his leg. Now that they were here and talking about magic and curses again, the calm he'd felt from the familiar movements and attitude has melted away entirely, like a chunk of snow on a burning log. "I can't imagine it's particularly easy. Seeing as how it's made of chaos and everything. Does that mean it's against its nature to be focused? I rather imagine it's a bit like my mind most days," he's trailed off into talking to himself, but Doran's standing in front of him holding an empty cup and smiling faintly. 

"I don't doubt it's similar, you seem to be rather chaotic yourself," Doran says, and puts the cup down, pulling a stool over so they're sitting facing each other. "Now, this shouldn't hurt, or feel like much of anything. I'm just looking for the magic of the curse, to try to see when it will activate and what it will do. All right?"

Jaskier lets out an anxious breath and squeezes his hands together tighter, then nods jerkily. It will be fine. And if it isn't, then he'll consider trying to find Yennefer. Doran reaches out and puts his fingers on either side of Jaskier's head. 

And nothing happens. Or, at least, nothing happens from Jaskier's point of view. He can feel this... flutter, almost, at the edge of his thoughts, that he's pretty sure must be Doran's magic, but other than that it's rather uneventful and anticlimactic. So he keeps still for a few excruciatingly long minutes before Doran opens his eyes and lowers his hands, looking solemn.

"Well, that can't be good," Jaskier says, trying weakly for levity and not managing it.

"It's some sort of transformation curse," Doran explains, sitting back on the stool for a moment. Jaskier's fingers flutter against the backs of his hands as he keeps them folded in his lap. "A very strong one. And it was set in place long enough ago that I can't see any part of you that isn't touched by it."

Jaskier's fidgeting stills, and his eyes narrow. "Wait. You mean it's a curse that's been waiting to take effect since I was a child?" 

"It's a curse that's already taken effect since you were a child, by all appearances," Doran corrects. "Whatever the transformation is, you've been living it since before you can remember."

Well. That was more upsetting and complicated than he'd expected.

[...]

He stumbles a few steps away from the door and bends over, hands on his knees, breathing deeply. Faintly he can hear the door close, and a small part of him is grateful that Doran is, if nothing else, polite enough to give him a moment of privacy to try to deal with this.

"Fuck!" he doesn't quite shout, and pushes himself upright, still trying to breathe evenly, so he can pace. "Fuck. Shitting tits, I..." Okay. He needs to not just curse. He needs to think this out, the best way he's ever known how.

"Right, Geralt," he says to no one, to the memory of his best friend for two decades who could barely stand him most of the time. "It seems that I've run into a bigger spot of bother than I thought, and I've been cursed since infancy. A transformation curse, no less, and no idea how it's changed me!"

Hmm, says the voice in the back of his mind, that he's so glad isn't here and wishes were here so badly he aches. It's thoughtful and concerned and definitely paying actual attention, rather than grunting assent while not hearing a word he says. Jaskier can— could tell the difference. Can imagine it.

"I suppose it could be something lovely," he says. "Secret heir to a throne somewhere. Or it could be worse, it's probably worse. Probably had some sort of horrible deformity and my parents were so mortified they cursed me to make me look normal enough for their perfectionistic standards." Maybe it's childish to let that much bitterness seep out in his tone, even if he's not talking to anyone but himself.

Could be, his imaginary Geralt says in this imaginary conversation he's having, and Melitele's tits, he can't even have an imaginary Geralt that is more conversational? But no, he can't, because he knows Geralt too damn well for a chattier Geralt to feel at all realistic. Damn the man.

"Whatever it is, it will change the way I exist," Jaskier continues, to the night air and a memory. "If it's from before I can remember, then it's..." his frantic pacing slows to a stop and his heart stutters. "What if I can't play anymore, Geralt?" he whispers. "What if I can't sing?"

His imaginary Geralt is silent.

But his own mind is not, it never ever is. If he can't play and he can't sing and he has more of his heart torn out of him... he will find a way to dust himself off and keep moving. He always has. He always will. If he stops, he'll drown himself, or find a dangerous lover, or try to help someone he has no business helping. And then he'll burn out the way part of him has been trying to do since he left Oxenfurt that first time at eighteen.

He's Julian Pankratz. He's Jaskier, the greatest bard the continent's ever known. He will survive and thrive after whatever this curse can throw at him.

"Right," he says, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "Okay."

[...]

:3 (I believe @brothebro, @wingedquill, and @storyinmypocket​ at the least will be interested in this!)

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Evanescence: “Guitarists need to be honest. Use your voice. We don’t need fake – we need humanity and real people”

Jen Majura and Troy McLawhorn wax lyrical on the high-octane gear, influences and themes behind the band's upcoming fifth album, The Bitter Truth

The Bitter Truth, the fifth full-length from Evanescence set for release in March 2021, will be their first album of new material in a decade. The American arena group led by singer/keyboardist Amy Lee had already released three singles, though the record’s completion was stalled by the virus pandemic that dominated headlines for much of the year.

The first sessions took place at the beginning of 2020 with rock super producer Nick Raskulinecz [Foo Fighters, Rush, Alice In Chains] in his Nashville studio, spawning the tracks we’ve heard so far – Wasted On You, The Game Is Over and Use My Voice. Then, of course, came Covid, putting an end to safe travel and forcing virtually all plans to change.

For the members in America, it was incredibly problematic. For German guitarist Jen Majura, who joined in 2015, it was an absolute nightmare. Nevertheless, the group kept chiseling away and fleshing out their parts for album number five.

When Guitar World tracks down Majura and co-guitarist Troy McLawhorn towards the end of 2020, things are still very much in the process of being finalized...

Looking back now, that session in Nashville must feel like a very long time ago!

Majura: “Definitely! What hit me so hard was that we’d recorded that first chunk of songs and waved goodbye at the airport, thinking we’d be back in a couple of weeks. And then suddenly this pandemic hit, airports were all shut!

“I had never felt more apart from my friends in the States than since this all started. It’s so unnatural for me not to be there! I’m very old-school – I like my tube amp and 4x12 cabinet. I like to sit in the studio with the humans I’m working with and creating in the moment.

“Being away from Amy and the boys while working on material has felt so unnatural to me, but that’s the we have to do it and we have to make the best out of it. The time we spent with Nick in Nashville was the happiest ever.

“It felt amazing to see these songs coming to life – you have this idea but when you are all in a room creating, things change and become better, you end up trying out different ways. It’s such a vibrant and beautiful way of working. But I get it, there’s this thing called corona, so you know…”

This will be your first album working together on new material. How do you go about splitting guitar parts?

McLawhorn: “Whenever we’re jamming, if someone comes up with up something cool, they play it. There’s no set thing. So far I’ve probably played the majority of the lead guitar – if Jen comes up with something she is always welcome to play whatever it is. It’s a good working relationship. The first batch of songs, the first three that came out, were done in one session before the coronavirus hit. We were all together for those ones.

“But then Jen flew home back to Germany and we were supposed to tour in Europe, but it all got cancelled. Everything we’ve done since then has been without Jen with us, we’ve been kinda flying sessions back and forth. I probably played a lot of the guitar on the album, but she’s been coming up with cool ideas and putting her stamp on it too.”

The Game Is Over definitely feels like the heavier side of Evanescence…

McLawhorn: “There’s a lot of good stuff like that on this one, stuff that people will be surprised by maybe. There’s a fair amount of that aggressive type of music, but it’s a good mixture. So far everyone’s heard the lighter side of the album, like Use My Voice and Wasted On You… but then there’s The Game Is Over. It was a lot of fun to play and there’s more heavy stuff on there too!”

Majura: “That bridge is so heavy, I love it! It’s going back to the real rock roots and having lots of fun. When you have a low-tuned guitar you have to be a bit careful – you can’t just smash your strings but they will warp a bit.

“I remember forcing myself, especially during the bridge, to play gentle even though it had this badass attitude. It took me a couple of takes… the first ones were completely out of tune [laughs]!”

Jen, it must have been a rollercoaster five years for you. How did you end up getting the gig?

Majura: “What happened was that I was playing bass in another band, not really being happy as I’m a guitar player. We happened to play two festivals, one in Germany and one in the Czech Republic. And it turns out Testament were playing the same days as us.

“I’m a huge Alex Skolnick fan, so we ended up talking and keeping in touch. A couple of days later, I got this very mysterious email from him saying, ‘Jen! Some friends of mine are going to contact you and I can’t reveal too much but I think it’s something you should say yes to!’ I was wondering what the hell he was talking about…

“And then a day later, I got this email from Evanescence’s management asking if I would be interested in… and I didn’t even finish reading the email. I just immediately replied ‘Yes!’ and sent it. That was a total no-brainer.

“So this was around July 2015 and the next evening I was on the phone with Amy talking. She invited me to come visit her in New York and hang out. I thought, ‘Okay… cool!’ and three days later I was on a plane flying to fuckin’ New York wondering if this was really happening. It was insane.”

Did you bring your guitar?

Majura: “I didn’t! I asked her if I needed to bring one and she said, ‘Nah, I know you can play, I’ve seen plenty of videos – let’s just hang out!’ And that’s exactly what we did for the next three days. Hanging out, long walks and talks, going out for dinner or to a concert. Becoming friends and getting to know each other on a more human relationship kind of base.

“I realize now that’s the biggest deal when you have to replace a member. A band is a family. I’d like to quote Rob Zombie on that, because he said it in the movie Hired Gun!

“Finding a good player is the easy part – the world is full of virtuosos. You also need someone who can commit to touring, being on the road and that whole lifestyle. The third and last thing, also the toughest, is that you need people you can stand hanging out with 24/7.

“Concerts are only 90 minutes – what about all the other hours in the day? You need to all fit together. Within those first few days with Amy, I realized we both had a strong work ethic and know exactly what we want, which is beautiful.

“She’s a very strong character. I appreciate her musicality and personality too, she quickly became one of my best friends because we laughed about the same things and then figured out we both love Sex and the City [laugh]! I am so grateful and thankful to have experienced everything I have with her and the boys.”

Troy, you’ve been a member of Seether and filled in for Sevendust on some tours, but you’ve been an on/off member of Evanescence for over a decade now…

McLawhorn: “Yeah, to be honest, I never really left Evanescence. We have big breaks between albums. When I did my first tour with the band, Amy told me she was taking a long break, probably around four or five years. I just went out to find something to do in the meantime and ended up playing in Seether for a few years…

“When it was time for me to leave, it coincided with Amy being ready to do another album. And it was a huge coincidence. I ended up in New York and went to Amy’s house. I was having trouble in Seether and wasn’t happy there, and she said she’d love me to come work on the new album. That’s how it all went down.

“There seems to be some pretty long breaks in between albums with this band but I think that’s part of Amy’s creative process. She likes to take her time when she’s writing the lyrics. The final product always turns out really nice that way, so why mess with it?”

What can you tell us about the gear responsible for the guitar sounds on this album?

Majura: “I signed up with Synergy Amps in November last year. When I joined, I think Steve Vai was the only big name working with them, but I figured if it’s Steve Vai it’s gotta be fucking great. So I went over to check their amp out and I was very skeptical. It looks like a tube amp but with all these holes and parts missing!

“But I plugged in, hit one chord and realized it was actually phenomenal. They’ve sent all the different modules to me, like the Diezel, and the perfect solution for me was the Friedman HBE. It has the perfect rock and roll sound for my solos but it also has the mighty depth of high-gain stuff too – which are all frequencies you need for Evanescence.

“I was originally expecting I’d go with the Diezel one, but the Friedman felt more right for me. I’m very open-minded when it comes to technology. You have two modules, each with two channels, so you get a four-channel amp made out of your favorites.

“For example, I could combine a Vox AC30 Brian May sound with a Diezel VH4. It’s phenomenal what they’ve managed to open up for us musicians in terms of sound options. It’s been my tour rig and studio rig ever since.”

McLawhorn: “I used a combination of different things on this album. On The Game Is Over, it was basically my live setup which is an Orange Rockerverb 100, with an analog pedalboard.

“A big part of the tone I get from the amp comes down to a 10-band EQ I use to boost the mids on the lead channel. That’s about it – I don’t really use overdrive pedals or anything like that and probably use less gain than most modern guitarists. I almost use EQ to find a modern sound, instead of more gain.

“I also have a Fractal Axe-Fx III, which I’ve used here and there on the album, especially for clean parts – it’s really good for that. I’ve done some overdubs with the II as well, stuff that has a lot of effects or sounds really wet – Axe-Fx is great for that, too. I also have a 1969 Marshall Superbass 100 which we split with a Bogner Ecstasy or Uberschall, and used for the rhythm tracks on a couple of songs.”

And how about for guitars?

Majura: “I’ve been with Ibanez for many years now and I’m very happy. They deliver the most perfect instruments. You pick up an instrument and either like it or not. Some of them seem to instantly merge with your system – you become one – and that is true of most Ibanez guitars, at least for me.

“Of course I’ve played Les Pauls and other things, but they’re really not my style. I have so many Ibanez guitars now. I think the AZ series was such a smart move – the family is even bigger and better now… Look at players like Tim Henson, who is just amazing. He makes me feel so old. He’ll be nailing it and I’m at home just playing along to AC/DC or something!

“For pedals, I stick with the Line 6 Helix pedalboard because I remember at my first rehearsal in 2015, they would tell me certain parts would need a chorus or flanger or this or that. At the end of the rehearsal I had a battery of pedals in front of me and realized I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been a pedal dancer. I went to Line 6 asking for a solution and they were just about to come out with the Helix… it was perfect.”

McLawhorn: “I was using a baritone PRS SE. I changed the pickups out, but that’s it – I love the guitar and how it plays. I tried a few different sets, most by Seymour Duncan. One of my seven-strings has a Seymour that my tech put in on the road and I don’t know which one it is! He just found it in my guitar coffin and asked if we should throw it in. It stayed for the rest of the tour – it was probably a JB, who knows!

“But the one on the record is the Distortion (SH-6). I really like how they sound. At first, they were a little hot for what I like – I tend to prefer somewhere in between modern metal and classic rock. It felt like really high gain, way too much, especially when switching from my other guitars. But he really lowered the pickup down and that fixed everything, making everything super-tight and adding some nice mids.”

Use My Voice has a really powerful message behind it…

Majura: “Yes! Another thing that connects me and Amy very strongly is that we both went through moments in our careers where males would tell us, ‘You’re just a girl – what do you know?’ It’s time for strong women – in rock or wherever – to stand up and say being good at a craft has nothing to do with gender. It’s been happening for way too long.

“That feeling of our voices being suppressed needs to change, because every voice matters. We’re all the same. It does not matter if you are male or female or transgender… humans are humans. I think we should spend more time understanding why we’re the same. Use My Voice is an important message for women to stand up and be heard.”

Where do you think your influences differ as guitar players?

Majura: “The first guitar hero I had at around 10 or 11 was Steve Vai. He was so revolutionary in terms of what he’s done for the guitar world, both sound-wise and crafts-wise. Electric guitar wouldn’t be what it is today without Steve Vai.

“I respect him so much for how he feels and talks through his instrument. He’s influenced my thinking about a lot of things. He’s an amazing person, not just an amazing musician.

“Then I got into Nuno Bettencourt, who plays for the sake of the song instead of showing off. Which is what I tried to do on my first solo album, Inzenity, everyone expected a shred album and it wasn’t. I played for the song. If it didn’t require a guitar solo then fine, I’d just leave it. I didn’t need to prove to the world how good I was.

“Nuno also has the percussive style of playing, which brings this tone that I really like. And finally, Angus Young. I’ve been playing in an AC/DC tribute band for four years and I love his playing.”

McLawhorn: “A lot of them for me were the classic players while I was growing up. So Ace Frehley for sure… KISS were like Slipknot for us who grew up in the '70s [laughs]! Then there’s Jimmy Page and Jimi Hendrix. Tony Iommi as well, he was a massive influence on me as a kid.

“Eddie Van Halen was a huge influence on me, too – it was very sad that we lost him so early and so young. When Van Halen came out, I started taking guitar very seriously. The bluesy side of his playing always appealed to me but he also had all that technical prowess, too. A very inspiring guitar player for so many people.”

What advice can you offer anyone out there hoping to become a good session player?

McLawhorn: “You need to know how to communicate with people. I’ve done sessions with some Nashville guys that have this shorthand way of writing music. Reading music and knowing theory is always important… I wish I knew more myself.

“It puts you at ease walking into a session knowing you read and play anything back. I can’t really do that – I just really really listen and learn things by memory. I can read some music but that’s going back to trumpet at high school [laughs]. So I rely on communication always!”

Majura: “I think guitar players need to be honest. Use your voice. Be real. Be pure. We don’t need fake, we need humanity and real people. What I love about people like Mattias IA Eklundh is he’s just himself. He’s pure and innovative in a really interesting way.

“I’ve gotten to know guys like him, Guthrie Govan, Richie Kotzen and Jeff Waters – they’re all awesome and very honest players. I think one should never think one has seen it all and learned it all.

“We need to keep in mind we’re all on a journey in search of becoming better. In terms of advice, I always have to say being open to different styles is so important. There’s something to learn every day. You should never stop trying to improve to make the world a better place. You should never stop learning… that’s what makes you human.”

[dorizardthewizard]

So I watched the Eurovision movie

Uh, I have a lot of thoughts because this is the closest we’re gonna get to the real thing this year ;^; First, the positives!

What they got right:

Overall, I like that it wasn’t really taking the piss out of the competition – whether you agree or not with how it was portrayed, the creators do have a lot of love for the show and that is reflected in how much it means to the characters. I think it was fitting to start with the kids watching and being inspired by ABBA’s win (I’m always up for showing people where the group’s fame started), and making it their life goal to perform in the contest. Just like Lars and Sigrit, many musicians in Europe grow up with Eurovision being an annual tradition and it’s their big dream to one day perform on that international stage, so yeah I think it decently showed how important ESC is here.

They got the overall vibe right too – most of the songs really felt like Eurovision songs (maybe a little dated but still), from the Viking-Europop opener to the Lordi-aesthetic one to whatever the hell Russia was doing. I don’t think Greece’s song was something they’d ever send though; it fits the character but not what the country typically sends. Then again, Estonia have sent an opera song in Italian and Romania sent yodel rap so actually, I take back that statement. They were missing a Balkan ballad though! Staging was on point – I think it was filmed at the Tel Aviv stage so that’s obviously a factor, but big angel wings and hamster wheels also bring a lot of familiarity :P No pianos being set on fire though, which, in a movie with so many on-stage disasters, is honestly surprising.

Of course there’s also the past contestant cameos, for that I’ll say one thing – needs more Verka. Maybe some contestants from earlier years would have been nice too, at least we did hear Céline Dion’s song in the song-along. Would also have been nice if the whole mashup was Eurovision songs, instead of throwing in some other ones just to make it more recognizable for non-Eurofans. Otherwise, the mashup was really seamless and sounded good.

Another thing the movie got right was European’s attitudes to Americans, not sure how I feel about it since the movie was made by Americans, but it’s self-aware and pretty funny :P There’s also the funny gag about countries not wanting to host because of how expensive it is, not sure why a guy working for the national broadcaster would care about that but looking at Iceland’s population size, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was also an economist for the government or something.

What they got wrong:

Of course, there were some things they didn’t quite get right. First of all, did the UK win for it to be hosted in Scotland??? Unless Australia won, or some other country that didn’t want to host or something. They actually made a joke about UK getting zero points, but they said it’s because no one likes us, when in reality we just send the blandest songs :/

There were also a whole lot of technical inaccuracies like Sweden breaking the rule on number of people allowed on stage, big five countries taking part in the semi-final (come on, how can you not get that right? Maybe they were afraid Americans wouldn’t recognise half the flags? :P), the contestants were just sitting by themselves in some room like it’s The Voice or something, their delegations nowhere to be seen, and then there’s the total lack of security or planning around the competition, with Lars just running around doing whatever. The countries presenting their votes in the semi-final stood out as well, but since we didn’t get to see the final I can brush over it, just so we experience the voting somewhere in the movie. Wonder why they didn’t use past contestants for the points announcements? They also had the French one speaking in English but you know what, they remembered to make sure he was standing in front of the Eiffel Tower so I’ll let them off :P

One thing that did bother me was how hard the movie tried to make us think the Icelandic song was a failure, except the song wasn’t even bad so they had to resort to all the incidents on stage. They even had that complete silence after the hamster wheel incident, and there is NO WAY that would ever happen – even the null points songs get cheers! In fact, people would cheer harder, and I don’t think Graham Norton, or anyone for that matter, would be that surprised that people remembered the song and actually gave it points (oh yeah, great to see him in this!).

Okay, some of those inaccuracies were nitpicks, but they’re just fun to point out. I don’t think they quite nailed the portrayal though, but more on that later.

The movie itself:

Judging the rest of the film, the humour really didn’t do it for me- it was just kind of jarring that one half of the movie felt like your usual light-hearted music contest film that was fairly rooted in reality, then the next there’s a dismembered ghost of Demi Lovato and a guy getting stabbed by Elves??? I know it’s classic Will Ferrel random comedy but honestly, those parts could have been cut out of the movie just fine, it’s like half an hour too long anyway and you can tell by the way the humour drags. It can basically be summarised by the ending scene where Lars is yelling at the Americans and then just keeps going, and I know that’s the joke in that scene but they do this throughout the whole movie – something will happen and the characters will keep reacting back and forth and it’s honestly exhausting. That might just be me though, maybe I’d prefer more witty and self-aware humour in a Eurovision movie but I guess non-fans wouldn’t get half the jokes so they went for over-the-top ridiculousness ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As for the characters, Sigrit was great; she’s a good mix between cute and weird. Lars is… annoying tbh, maybe I just don’t care for Will Ferrel's character type but when Alexander asks Lars what he can possibly offer Sigrit I was like “yeah Lars, what CAN you offer?”. Their relationship was cute though and his arc about caring too much about winning was decent, it does kind of resonate with Eurovision because yeah, lots of countries will revamp their songs to have English lyrics and the style is increasingly converging to Americanized radio-friendly pop music. I do wish they’d focused more on this conflict, rather than bringing in a love square (?) with Alexander and Mita.

Speaking of Alexander, I actually liked how they portrayed the Russian character; he wasn’t a villain, he was fun to watch and was genuinely happy to see Sigrit succeed. I did not expect them to go there with the whole “there are no gays in Russia” thing – I laughed but also actually felt for the guy, and his friendship with Mita was peak mlm/wlw solidarity, it was sweet.

The ending:

For me, this is where it goes American Hollywood style and kinda reminds me of Madonna’s speech about everyone being winners. Felt like I was watching Camp Rock for a second then (which is funny since Demi is in this movie) – all the other acts are fun songs but we’ll just change ours to a ballad so it must be more heartfelt and resonate with the audience, as if a good chunk of ESC songs aren’t ballads already!! To be fair, they do well in having it be a personal song about her hometown and adding in parts in Icelandic (although I’ve heard it’s so butchered you can’t understand what’s being said), it’s a sweet ode to one of the best parts of Eurovision – celebrating where you’re from and making your country proud.

Wish they’d focused more on that tbh, we really could have done without Lars speaking to the audience – that’s the more Hollywood moment for me and kind of reminds me of acts that try to connect with the audience like it’s a concert. Sorry but we don’t do that here :P Instead of the “music is feeling”-like message, it would have been nice if the movie was more directed towards celebrating why the contest is so big and important even decades after it began, and how it literally brings an entire continent together for one night. This would have been nice especially because of all the cynicism towards ESC and its dismissal as just a dumb, campy event with no quality music whatsoever.

Huh, I just remembered there are no live instruments at Eurovision so how everyone can hear the piano at the end is beyond me, also the instrumental kicks in despite the fact that that song has never been recorded in a studio, let alone able to be played out loud onstage. But I’ll just imagine that’s for us to see, the audience actually just heard her singing and nothing else. I don’t think it would have been that impressive, so Iceland probably won everyone’s hearts through memes instead :’D

Overall, I don’t think the movie was terribly offensive or anything, just some silly fun that missed out on the potential of better portraying the Eurovision spirit. I might eventually watch it again, but with skipping out half the comedy :P

[purplesurveys]

777

do you think weird it's for someone to have never tried soda? I’d be surprised that they were never curious enough to try it if they can access soda, but then again I live in a third world country and not everyone gets to try everything. I’ve learned to judge less when it comes to opportunities like this. is there any foreign film you recommend? Portrait of a Lady on Fire was fucking intense and so, so so good. do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents? My dad might also be atheist, but I’ve never known for sure. He once confided in me that he was atheist in college but “it changed” when he met my mom... but honestly we’ve always grunted the same way whenever my mom tells us it’s time to pray or if we have to watch our weekly mass livestream. So idk. I think he just acts Catholic to appease her, but yeah he’s definitely weird about it. which floor of your house/building are you on now? Second floor. It’s my first time to want to hang out in my bedroom in months because IT’S ACTUALLY RAINING and it’s cold enough in my room to wanna stay here. are there any maps hanging in your room? No maps here.

are you often a third wheel? or is someone a third wheel to you? Yep I third wheel pretty often. My girlfriend and I study in different schools and I have friends in my school who are couples, so if Gab isn’t visiting my campus for the day I just tag along with my couple friends. I don’t get bothered or feel insecure by it because I have my own relationship lolol what's the last dvd you bought? Holy shit...DVD? I don’t even remember anymore. It was most likely an Audrey Hepburn film, back in 2013 when I was really into her. That or Beyoncé’s Life Is But A Dream documentary, which was the last thing she ever released on DVD. Also came out in 2013. tell me about your favorite pair of jeans. High-waisted 90s-styled jeans. Nothing much to say other than they fit me well, I got a lot of compliments whenever I have them on, and they match any t-shirt I paired with, which made me like wearing t-shirts again haha. would you ride a motorcycle if given the chance? (or have you?) I would but only if someone super experienced was driving. I haven’t been on one because my parents don’t allow me to, and tbh I don’t mind the rule because I’m mostly scared of motorcycles anyway. is your hair healthy? No. Some hair salon I went to around ten years ago put some cheap products in my hair when I had it rebonded and it never felt 100% healthy again. Until today it gets very stiff when it gets into contact with water and only shampoo, and I always have to pair it with conditioner. if a hotel offered free breakfast in bed, what would you order? Eggs Benedict and some very creamy warm coffee. how often do you take a train? Never. I don’t trust the public transport here and I’m better off driving in my own car. what are your thoughts on reincarnation? (have you ever read up about it?) I don’t think of it at all because I don’t believe in it. I don’t mind others who are into it, just don’t shove it down my throat.  what's your favorite led zeppelin song? I don’t have one. does your home have a balcony/deck/porch? Yeah we have a balcony. We used to have a full balcony, but we transformed 3/4 of it into my brother’s current room a few years ago because he was starting to grow up and he needed his own room. We retained 1/4 of the space so that it can be the place where my dog can still do his business. what does your closet/wardrobe say about you? It says I am a very messy person who can’t keep her closet consistently organized lol. It will also tell you I’m quite girly based on the clothes I own. do you enjoy theatre? I was never a fan. how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? If I was offered the chance to do it I certainly wouldn’t give it up, but I really, really, preferably would travel with at least one companion. Traveling is one of those experiences I’d want to share with someone, and I would hate if I had to go back to my hotel room at the end of the day with no one to talk to. who would you call a lyrical genius? Laura Jane Grace. how do you treat yourself? My go-to gift for myself is giving into my cravings hahaha. Nothing speaks more to me than food, and if I feel like I deserve a reward for a job well done, I’ll go to a slightly more expensive restaurant to celebrate. do you have an interesting passport? Idk, it’s a normal one and I never had it customized or anything. are you going to pursue a career according to what you enjoy? I hope I get to. I really enjoyed my PR internship and I’d love to be headed there. what happens to your old clothes? They go to the very back or the very bottom of my wardrobe for the most part. My mom will make us throw out clothes we don’t like anymore once a year, so that’s the time I get to get rid of them. what's your favorite frozen treat? Cornetto ice cream is one of my faaaaavorite comfort snacks. The end of the cone where they save chocolate chunks is the best part. who supports you financially? My parents. Getting increasingly guiltier about it by the day, too. if you wanted to go to the movie cinema, how would you get there? I would wait for the clock to strike midnight tonight, because in 48 minutes they’ll finally loosen lockdown rules AND I CAN FINALLY GO OUT. Hahaha. After that I’ll jump to my car, drive out of the village, take a u-turn, and I’m there. how many pillows are on your bed? Two big ones. would you pay more for organic food? Only if I had the money for it. Organic food is a thing of the (very) privileged here and is not very accessible to begin with, unless you’re in posher grocieries. have you ever had a crush on a sibling's friend or a friend's sibling? I haven’t. I’d find it weird considering they’re all a bit younger than me. do you have a friend who mooches? what to do about it? (or is it you?) She’s never done it with me but I’ve heard enough horror stories about her to know that she tends to do this, but yeah Mils is apparently quite the moocher. I’m soooo not one; I’d wait for my friends to offer to pay for stuff, but otherwise I’m fighting them over the bill lmao. do you know much about feng shui? (do you use it?) I’m not knowledgeable on it but I’m definitely familiar with it, because we have a rather large Filipino-Chinese community/culture in the country that glorifies feng shui during Chinese New Year season. I don’t really have a choice but have Chinese culture shoved down my throat whether it’s in the news, the media, or my Chinese friends.  how would you make friends in a quiet class? I preferably wouldn’t because I’m only interested in getting good grades and getting that class over with hahaha. But if I was interested in making a friend or two, I’d typically scan the classroom and see who seems to be responsible? Like if they take notes as hard as I do. are you generally a quick learner? No. I take some time, and I especially take long if the thing being taught is more hands-on, like origami. I’ve just never been good at following certain tasks, and I prefer learning from reading instructions. what's your favorite spot to read? Skywalk or the dining table. has anyone given you a nickname you didn't like? (what was it?) Not that I can recall. I’m okay with all of them. did you know that buddha is not considered a god to buddhists? Yes. do you save tickets from movies, etc.? If it’s a significant enough date or event, sure. I’ve kept my 2018 Paramore gig ticket to this day, but like I’ve thrown out my ticket for Knives Out because I hated the movie lol. without looking him up, who was jim morrison? Vocalist for The Doors. when's the last time your bedroom was painted/wallpapered? Idk, 2006 or 2007 when the house was being made? It’s never been repainted. teach me something in another language. (not french/chinese/german/arabic) Why so language-ist lmaooooooo uh “Nakauwi ka na?” means “Did you get home? / Have you gotten home?” what type of body wash did you last use? Idk, I never read the labels on it actually. what type of music do you like and why? Right now I’m into lo-fi because it makes me feel relaxed, but I’m also starting to get into the recent trend where today’s artists put out songs that sound like they’re from the 80s, like Dua Lipa’s Physical or The Weeknd’s Blinding Lights - I think the genre is called synth pop/synthwave. They simply sound cool haha and they’re awesome to listen to while driving. if you randomly want to eat something in the house, do you eat it or wait? I check the time, like if we’re supposed to be having dinner soon, then act accordingly. who knows the most about you (besides yourself)? My girlfriend. do you have a nervous habit? (e.g. biting nails, tapping feet, smoking) Plucking eyebrow or eyelash hair, but that behavior is reserved for extreme cases where I’m incredibly and inconsolably anxious. On a milder day I would vape, sigh a lot, or bite my nails. how's your favorite pro sports team doing lately? I don’t watch sports with teams. would you be/are you a good role model to a younger sibling? I don’t get into trouble but I’m not the best influence either.

[v-le]

Kmusic: My artists in 4 months

Foreword: PHEW this one took a while.... but I have really had so much on my mind lately that i knew i just HAD to churn this one out asap... I also would’ve tried to include videos rather than images but it’s a pain in the butt... I guess my vids will be top secret for now hehe. But really. a true blessing, these 4 months. Ah, I still really cant believe it..

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If you were to ask me how I felt about my first semester at Yonsei and simply the past 4 months in Korea, from August 21st to December 23rd, I would probably just emphasize how grateful I am. But to narrow down this deep affection for all the happenings, I would have to do so in a music context. It is such a fascinating and seemingly mundane thing to go on about: Why does my music mean what it means to me to this day? How have those values shaped my experiences in Korea so far? What does it mean for me going forward? These are questions I want to ask myself, reflect upon, and continue to explore as I await to begin another journey in Korea once again.

If I rewind to when I first started listening to Korean music, it would be when I was… I don’t even know. I was exposed to it since I was about 7 or 8 years old, when my sister was sucked into the very beginnings of OG K-pop: Wonder Girls, Big Bang, 2NE1, Super Junior, SNSD, SHINee, you name ‘em all. I’ve talked about this a lot, but during those days I was never particularly interested in that side of music. It didn’t make much sense to me and it just sounded mreh. But after several years of this exposure, I fell into my own K-pop obsession-hole starting with LEDApple, a very unassuming, catchy-music-making band. I was in it for the music. At first.

Okay, now fast forward past my kpop era: you can read all about it in my very extensive post from about a year ago here. But yes, lets leave that chunk of my life behind and think about where I stand from a “music maturation” perspective. Right here. Right now.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment or day or time in which I fell into the “deeper” side of Korean music. I am pretty certain that it simply occurred naturally, gradually. What I know for a fact is that I owe so much of myself to my music. At any given point in my life thus far, my music has defined a large portion of my identity: it really does mean a lot to me. I am constantly listening to music. To narrow this down into my current self’s context, my music mostly consists of Roy Kim, Sam Kim, DAY6, Kim Feel, Fromm, Jung Sewoon, Eddy Kim, Kwon Jin Ah, and many many many others.

These artists, the music that they make, is not K-pop. It never will be. I don’t care what those stupid Spotify playlists call some of the songs from these musicians, but they are not and never will be K-pop. (At most DAY6 could come closest to fitting). My discovery of each and every one of these artists varies from person to person of course, but most of my sentiments remain the same all throughout. I would give my everything for these people. But I want to make it very very very clear: it is not necessarily these PEOPLE, these faces, these appearances, these artists themselves that I am oh-so enthusiastic about. It is their voice & music. That is honestly all it really comes down to at the end of day. It is and has always been about the music.

I owe my deep appreciation for my music to several various factors ranging from emotionally & mentally detached parents & family, my somewhat introverted personality, and my incessantly over-analytical mindset. However, what exactly constitutes this deep appreciation is what I want to explore. A certain fact is that I hated high school. As I grew up through the ages of 13 to 17, I completely despised the American public education system that was high school. Without getting into the complex details about my community that was the heart of Silicon Valley and the various cultural pushes, I just have to say that high school felt like a sort of mental torture for me.

And during all those times, when I needed it the most, when I felt so completely lost, when I felt like no one would listen to me, nothing could console my distressed heart and mind, I always fell back to many of those artists listed above. Particularly to Roy and Sam. I owe them SO MUCH. They literally changed my life.

Home. 영원한 건 없지만. Your Song. These three songs, my life songs. Their lyrics literally saved my life. They mean everything to me. Without these songs from Roy & Sam, I would not be where I am today.

All my artists that I mentioned make their own music. They write, compose, produce, everything. They are the true masters of their voices (see, not K-pop). And so, when I listen to them, when I absorb their voices & melodies, I can sometimes really feel their sincerity, their yearning. I am so thankful for what they have produced for this world and for my ears to hear. However, within the past 4 months, I got to see, know, understand, and FEEL these artists on a whole new level.

In chronological order, here is a list of the artists I saw live &/or in person during my time in Korea thus far:

08/31 Roy Kim & Son Seungyeon @ Picnic Concert

09/01 Monogram, Baek Yerin, Kwak Jineon, Paul Kim, Bol4, Crush, Urban Zakapa @ Someday Festival (Day 1)

09/02 Fromm, Jo Hyunah, Jung Sewoon, Roy Kim, Yong Junhyung & Yang Yoseob, K. Will @ Someday Festival (Day 2)

09/08 DAY6 @ You Made My Day Fanmeeting

09/20 Roy Kim @ SNU Fall Festival

11/02 Roy Kim & Kim Haon @ Daellim Univ. Halloween Festival

11/04 Nam Woohyun (& Jang Dongwoo, Kim Sunggyu, Lee Sungyeol) @ 식목일 (Day 3)

11/10 Fromm @ Seoul Music Forum Mini Concert & Free Fansigning

11/11 Eddy Kim @ Miles Apart Album Fansigning

11/22 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Release Showcase

12/01 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Fansigning

12/09 Fromm @ "Midnight Candy" Mini Album Release Concert

12/16 Roy Kim @ ROchestra Live Tour 2018 (Seoul Day 2)

12/21 Sam Kim @ Lotte Tower World Park Christmas Busking

12/22 DAY6 @ "The Present" Christmas Special Concert (Day 1)

Breakdown:

Free: 5 events

Paid Tix: 6 events

Album Purchase & Application: 4 events

🌹 Roy Kim: 5 times

🌚 Sam Kim: 3 times

🌓 Fromm: 3 times

🎸 DAY6: 2 times

As an avid fan of many of these artists for YEARS, like Infinite for 8 years, Roy for 5, Sam since his debut in Apr. 2016, DAY6 since their debut in Sept. 2015, Fromm for over 4 years, Eddy for over 5 years, etc etc. I NEVER thought I would actually get to see or hear these people live. Okay, granted I saw DAY6 live back in Oct. 2017 as well as Sam & the entire Antenna fam in Sept. 2017, both in LA. But doing 3 fansignings????? Meeting and talking with Fromm, Eddy Kim, AND Sam Kim???? Seeing Roy FIVE TIMES??????????? Three times for FREE, once at a festival, and then even being able to go his end-of-the-year solo concert???????? Y’all…. It was literally a dream come true. A stroke of luck tenfold. Twelvefold. I saw at least one treasured artist a total of fifteen times. Whether it was at a college busking event, the Someday music festival, a fansigning, a fanmeeting, or even a solo concert. I was somehow there.

Seeing Roy live was something I thought I would never ever ever in my lifetime get to do. As I explained in my 1st semester wrap-up post found here, Roy’s situation with school made my hopes seem very bleak from the get-go. But still, my luck persisted 5 times throughout. I almost, nearly, COMPLETELY failed to acquire a ticket for his ROchestra solo concert, Seoul Day 2 show. It was probably the most energy-draining, stressful, painful and TERRIBLE ticketing experience I have ever experienced. And trust me, I’ve done lots of ticketing before (unfortunately). But after 1 hour of staying glued to that PC bang computer screen, I managed. And I went. And maybe I’ll have to do a separate post for it, but Roy Kim’s concert on December 16th, 2018, was the best concert I have ever been to in my life. Easily. It was so breath-taking.

But yes, enough with Roy. Fromm is my ultimate indie goddess and she has a charm that is so indescribably perfect. She decided to release a mini album over a year since her last one, in the middle of November while I was there and I wanted to DIE. It was suchhhhh a solid release, and I even got to attend a free fansigning with her as well for her solo concert for the album release. I LOVE her cheeky personality so much. And she really is just sooooo kind. I couldn’t have much of a conversation with her due to the time constraint, but I at least got to snap a quick selfie heh (which i wont exposed bc privacy ya feel??). Her solo concert was gorgeous in every single way; I honestly would be willing to pay any price to go to it again in a heartbeat. Even though it was for her “Midnight Candy” album release, it was basically a Fromm discography concert because she sang EVERYTHING and I was THIS close to wanting to cry because I just felt so grateful & happy in those moments. I love her I really do. Ah, also, 2 out of the 3 times I saw her, I wrote to her & posted on Instagram and she liked both posts for me :”).

Sam…. My luck with Sam was out of this world honestly…. I still get goosebumps thinking about how blessed I was to see Sam 3 times, 2 times in very special instances. First off. He announced the release of his FIRST FULL album after a TWO YEAR & A HALF HIATUS. Y’all. This boy hadn’t released anything for 2.5 entire years since his debut and then suddenly WHAM he does it. Somehow right when I was in Korea. AH… I still….. I’m still screaming inside. I screamed aloud in my room for a good 5 minutes straight when I first saw the news, and yes, to this day I am still screaming. His three pre-release tracks were GORGEOUS & Sun And Moon, track 1, literally brought me to tears without even trying. I had been missing his voice and presence for so long…

And then, for the full album release, Antenna announced a post in which if you pre-order his album when it comes out & email the Antenna staff with the receipt showing proof, you will be put in a drawing to attend his live showcase on the night of its release. OHMYGOSH. I knew I had to do it. I struggled a little bit & even felt like I was doing everything so untimely, but I am SO blessed that I really was able to order & pay for it, shoot Antenna an email real quick, and then nervously await my results for like a week. That one Friday the results were to be emailed out, I remembering feeling extremely anxious all throughout the day. I desperately wanted to go…. And at 6:00PM…. I got the email!!!!! I was literally shaking, hands & knees trembling and everything. I actually got invited to the ‘Sun And Moon’ 1st Album Showcase!!! Y’all!!! It was so amazing. It was the night before I had to leave to Taiwan early in the morning so it was quite stressful, but still!!!!! I felt so honored to be there that night: the venue was extremely intimate and Sam was soooososoooo gooooddd and the tracks he sang were sooo beautiful and just… everything about it was like a dream. I was truly blessed.

A week later…. Antenna announced Sam’s first FANSIGNING & once again I was overwhelmed with this “OMG I WANT TO GO, but how, should I really, but what about….??”. It was a physical album-purchase-based application process which means I had to go to this specific bookstore in Gangnam, buy x-amount of albums, and based on that amount, my name will be put into a drawing that many times. Very basic fansigning grounds. I already pre-ordered his album for the showcase, so I honestly didn’t really need another one… but I decided to test my luck & just purchase 1 measly album & see if that ONE album will help me get chosen. And o boy. I GOT IN :”)). When I saw my name on that list in the official fancafe post, I couldn’t believe it….

On the day of the fansigning which was happening inside a mall, starting at a certain time I was able to walk in and choose a random number from 1-100 and since I arrived early, I got to choose pretty early as well. When I saw my number I literally gasped aloud: #7. I know it’s a corny & cliché favorite number but only bc infinite ok. Being #7 meant that I literally say FRONT & CENTER of the stage…not even stage. There wasn’t a stage... it was just an open area. My turn came around very quickly because I was early and let’s just say I was a fking mess, repeating thank you over and over & literally, incessantly telling him how thankful I am for his music and how grateful that after all that time he took to came back, he came right when I was in Korea and how I was at Antenna in LA & his showcase too and thank you thank you, yadda yadda. Yeah…..I suck at these things I really do. Then, at the end of it all, he took a picture with the crowd of fans and ended up sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME LMAOOOOOOO. Okay here is a picture of maybe my biggest life accomplishment??? jk but no rly LOL.

look ma, i made it :”)

But really, the fact that I actually got to talk to Sam & just try to relay all my thanks that I have been owing to him for many years… wow… I’m still in shock and I am just so eternally thankful. I used to think to myself “damn, I wish I could talk to Sam one day” and damn…. I really did do it…

Eddy Kim was also another meeting that I could have only dreamed of before coming to Korea… His last release was 4 goddamn years ago oh my gosh… This fansign application was not a random drawing like Sam’s but just a “buy his album at this bookstore & u get in” sort of thing. To be honest I could blatantly tell that Eddy’s popularity is definitely not as comparable to the other artists that I cherish & I was quite shocked by this revelation. I knew for sure in America, who the hell would ever know him. But even in Korea, he seemed… just really not that well-known, especially from a music perspective. It was interesting and even a little disheartening to see. He was very kind & cutely impressed with my Korean skills and we literally just talked in a bunch of Konglish & once again I just kept repeating how thankful I was for his music in my life. How I waited for so long and his release literally matched up with my time there as well. Even though I never got to hear Eddy sing live, I am more than happy with the fact that I simply got to chat with him & relay my heart as best as possible.

After doing 3 full fansignings I have fully realized that as grateful for the opportunities I am, they are so difficult and stressful… To be given such a short amount of time to spill out my heart is essentially impossible for me LOL. I’d rather much LOVE to just to sit down with these artists not to fangirl or cry, but to have a real, genuine conversation about their music and why it holds so much sentiment for me. I would love to ask questions about their music and I would love to share with them how much it means me & why I am so thankful at the end of the day. That’s what I really wish I could do. Because even as I hurriedly expressed my countless thanks and probably sounded like a hot mess, I feel like I still just came off as a surface-level fan saying their thanks. But noo! In reality, I just wanted to relay how much their music means to me (I literally just typed this wow repetition is gr8). Which I feel like I really couldn’t do properly… I couldn’t get my heart across all the way ☹ but it’s okay because as I’ve been repeating, I am infinitely thankful nonetheless.

My first DAY6 event, their 3rd year anniversary 1st fanmeeting, was a bit of a flop for me simply because they talked wayyyyy to much & played stupid games & everything… and it was cute, but not what I was there for. I kinda wished I heard more of them singing, but it’s okay. In no way am I undermining this monumental day because I know it meant a lot to the boys & fans collectively. Jae could not participate due to health reasons & it definitely put a huge damper on the entire atmosphere, but the members tried their best and the entire audience even consistently sang aloud all of Jae’s parts during the songs when his voice was not there. They also sang a never-before-released track with Jae and they all just cried a bunch and me, sitting there, watching those light-wrist-band-thingies glow & beam & shine in-sync with the music, all sorts of colors, in a massive wave of lights & fanchants & music sewn together… wow it was honestly stunning & one of the most awesome spectacles I’ve ever experienced. Korean fans are really something else….

Speaking of which, attending 15 events during my 4 months there taught me many things about Korean concerts & fans that I find so extremely fascinating.

For most concerts, whether they are super hype-y & K-pop-y or a ballad one with minimal need for movement, when there are seats, fans with stay seated for the most part. In America, I feel like all fans tend to automatically stand (for basically all K-pop acts) regardless of the seating. But in Korea, at my experiences with DAY6 in particular (I also have heard that BTS in Seoul was the same), fans stayed sitting basically all throughout. The most like bodily movements they require would be the waving of their lightsticks. It was honestly pretty refreshing to see a generally calm & collected audience, at least where there was seating.

The fanchants are out of this world !!!!! Especially for the 2 times I saw DAY6, the fans were so on point with their fanchants: they were loud and clear and crisp AND THEY MATCHED WITH THE LIGHTS ON THEIR WRISTBANDS AND EVERYTHING wow was that so cool to see… The fans are super in unison & it honestly adds such a new level of energy to the experience.

SINGING !! Of course, since all these fans are Korean, they can actually sing all of these songs at concerts, unparalleled to international fans lol. One really cool moment at DAY6 that I will probably remember forever simply because this song is gorgeous & means a lot to me… but at day 1 of DAY6’s ‘The Present’ xmas concert series, Wonpil said “We’ve been on world tour for a while now and I’ve been wanting to try this out… if I play this song, can you sing for me?” and of course we all unconditionally said yes. And he started to play 그렇더라고요 on the keyboard & the ENTIRE AUDIENCE caught on immediately & we all sang the entire intro & first verse together in unison, as loud as we could, as the members joined in one by one w/ their own instruments, just watching us as we SANG FOR THEM. It was so cute & we even did it again with 장난 아닌데. This sort of stuff…. Wow…. Can only really happen at a domestic concert, which was honestly so so so beautiful. I LOVED IT!!!

No crazy, constant screaming during every part of the performance. Fans in Korea honestly only scream when necessary… ya feel? Sometimes at concerts, I feel like fans are just screaming at the top of the lungs the entire time, during every second of a song. But Korean fans chant when there is a chant, and cheer & scream when it really fits the situation. I really liked this more toned-down atmosphere from the Korean audiences.

I think that’s all I can really narrow down from my various experiences at Korean concerts compared to the ones in America… It really is quite different though, and I feel so honored to have witnessed this comparison countless times. I am really just honored to be there at those moments in general.

Which brings back around to this… upgraded level of connection towards my artists. After seeing so many of them in person and more than once for that matter, when listening to their music now… something definitely sounds different. When I listened to these artists before I saw them right in front of my eyes, their real, authentic voices blasting into my ears, I still felt moved, I still felt goosebumps, choked up, a bulging affection sometimes. And not that I have lost those feelings, no, definitely not. Now… now, when I listen to these artists through my earbuds or through my laptop… I can literally hear them in my ear. Does that even make sense? Well, duh… of course I can hear them. But like… it’s like… I can hear them on a much more intimate level than ever before. Now, I can really imagine & sense these voices in my head. I can pick up the sound of their breaths, picture their expressions, and really just HEAR their voices as if they were physically singing into my ear right there in that moment, in person. It’s such a peculiar and special and unique feeling that is honestly so hard to describe with just words…

But to be honest like… to this day I still cannot wrap my head around everything. I can barely count and keep track of all the artists I saw and when I saw them and what they sang. I feel like SO MUCH happened that my mind can barely grasp it all, as much as it wants to do so so badly… I still can barely comprehend it… years ago I would cry to Sam Kim, ponder how amazing he would be live… and then literally somehow, he sang two songs like 7 feet in front of me, and even sat right next to me. I thought Fromm was a goddess from another world: but I somehow got to talk to her & even take a selfie?? What?? I thought the world would never let me see Roy who always has his school life to manage as well…. But I got to see him live 5 times?? And even go to his solo concert?? WHAT??????? HOW????????? YOU GUYS, I could honestly go on and on and on because it still all feels like a dream…

In particular with Roy Kim… I say this to myself all the time, the irony is just… wow. Who would’ve known that after years of watching countless fancams, effortlessly memorizing his scarce yet existent fanchants, also memorizing set-lists without even trying, becoming all-too-familiar with things like the way he talks, addresses the crowd, sings specific songs, even all the way down to the way he does adlibs for certain songs… I unknowingly picked up & knew these performance aspects SO WELL through pure admiration, enthusiasm and just LOVE for every song he sings. And who would’ve known, that years later, I would have my very own fancams to cry over. After years of literally watching almost EVERY fancam of him on youtube, at all the various events he performed at, some years more frequently than others, today I can proudly say that I have my very own fancams of him, too. Ohmygosh, it’s still so hard for me to believe…

It really just….. *breathes deeply & tries to recollect self for the 24980164th time*…. It just goes to show… No, okay I don’t really know what it goes to show… But one thing is a fact: loving, cherishing, being thankful for, dedicating so much of my emotional & mental strength towards these seemingly-no-one artists has paid off tenfold. No, billionfold. I don’t even know. I just…. I just never thought I could do and see and hear and experience the things that I did. Never. These people…. These people have given me so much, and although I tucked them deep into the folds of my heart for years, I never thought I could truly open up these treasured feelings one day & TRULY support them with my very own eyes & ears & heart. IN person. I am just so so so blessed. So thankful. Really. Always.

Now, it’s time to bring myself to reality & to think about what this means for me going forward. I don’t want to believe in my passion for my music as a phase: Infinite & all things K-pop wasn’t simply a phase for me. It literally was a maturation, a self-realization, a loss of support for the things I never really knew or understood until time started to pass. I don’t think I grew out of K-pop. I think I simply grew with K-pop & got to understand more about it. And with that understanding came a change of heart. Which is literally the title of my post from years ago: “why I fell out of love with K-pop”. It’s not just “Oh, I am older now. So, I don’t want to like this seemingly childish stuff”. No, it was never about K-pop’s image or whatever. I can’t emphasize more, but it always comes down to the music for me.

Infinite has been and is a piece of my life that I will never forget. A piece of my life that has literally brought me to where I am today. I sit here, with my experiences and knowledge and feelings, in part, due to Infinite. I can guarantee anyone that much. And so, no, they really weren’t just a phase. Things change, people grow older, time flows. That’s just how it works. Does my heart ache over old K-pop like every day? Hell yeah it does LOL. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can only thank old & 2nd-gen K-pop for the amazing memories that it has given me.

And so, with my music and my artists today, is this all a phase? Will I stop being as enthusiastic years later, like I did with Infinite? You see, with Infinite, I was always apprehensive. At the age of 12, I KNEW that time would eventually take its toll & my blatant love would not necessarily transcend the years that will drag on in the future. But that never made my appreciation for them dim: it only grew stronger as the days went by. I think I am always apprehensive. I think I always fear losing the feelings that I feel with great passion & love at this moment in time. Just as Roy says, 영원한 건 없지만. Nothing lasts forever (but...). I literally think about this all the time. It is such an important concept to me, and it is how I motivate myself to be thankful for everything and everyone and to just take things one step at a time. And so, to really answer my question: is this all just a phase?

I really, honestly, hope… No, I just think not. I really do not think so. At the age of say, 24, five years from now, will I still be loving Roy & Sam & DAY6 & Fromm & everyone else? I really honestly hope so. For as long as they can make music, I can keep loving them, right? Just as Infinite has done since I was 11, 8 years ago, up until today, I firmly believe that my artists can continue this long-lasting impression on my life. They instill a sort of magic & sentiment in my life that almost nothing else in this world can do for me. And for that, I will stay grateful for & only hope for the best.

Roy is currently back in school right now, finishing up his last semester before he finally gets to graduate! I am excited and proud and a bit sad all at the same time. But honestly, it really just comes down to the humanness of these people. When I first saw Infinite back in 2013 as a lil 14 year-old, I guess you could say I was starstruck. I was like “that’s them??!?? Those dudes ive spent countless hours watching through the computer screen?????? THEY ARE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME?”. I had similar thoughts at the LA K-pop Festival in Apr. 2014 when I saw many many many of the big, og k-pop groups at that time. It was hard to believe that these people are real. I would say that my experience with the “With Antenna” in LA concert back in Sept. 2017 made me come to this important realization. That was the first concert where I actually spent the entire time sitting down and just listening. Listening to these wonderful musicians playing their instruments & singing gorgeous songs & just absorbing all that godly magic in the air at that place in time.

I really got to feel how human artists are at the end of the day. K-pop is always built up to be this larger-than-life dynamic, but real artists… No, they’re so much more different. They are simply people, like you and me, with a passion for their music & they wish to share that passion with the rest of the world. That’s it. The sincerity & genuineness that goes into my artists’ music can literally be felt from all the way across the world, just through a few audio snippets, fancams, and grainy Instagram videos. And that is seriously so beautiful. They are so amazing at what they do, they truly are.

Roy’s last two songs from 2018 were purely love song ballads, and I am not complaining or anything. As solid and classic as these tracks were, I still miss that acoustic, healing tone from him. Before he left for school again, he mentioned several times that he wants to come back with music that will console listeners. I was honestly so genuinely happy to hear this. He knows, he honestly, really does. He has even said it before, but he knows that his music can literally lift people back up from the dead. He wants to do that for them. For you and me, who struggle in life when the going gets rough, he wants to be of some sort of help, no matter how minuscule. He knows, he really does. And that is just so beautiful. I am so proud of him & I can’t wait to see what he will have in store for us in the coming months (after his grad, that is).

To all my artists that made these 4 months feel like a literal dream: Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Sincerely. Thank you. Always.

늘 고마워요.

[dentalrecordsmusic]

Album Review: “Pray For The Wicked” by Panic! At The Disco - When Sinners Become the Storytellers

Words by December Svetlana Jade

There comes a time in life for a selected few that the never working peaceful demand just stops. No more bliss. No more sympathy from the gates of heaven, and the so-called gods of your own inner world. Nothing the simple following of gut-wrenching conformity can do for you anymore.

So you tear it away from your life. For good, and rebirth yourself. With all your madness.

Panic! At The Disco—one of my favorite bands since I was a kid—released their new album Pray For The Wicked today, and I don’t think it could’ve come at a better time. An album name that sends a powerful message of inspiration to those who can never fit the mold, stuck with minds of insanity with the highest ambition, and with crazy good tracks to match.

The album opens with their second single, “(Fuck A) Silver Lining”.  A track that really speaks for itself--because everyone wants the shining gold. The lyrics in each verse describe a tragedy that’s happened. What that tragedy specifically is can be interpreted in many different ways, but one thing’s for sure: something broke, and is forever ruined. Singer Brendon Urie uses sarcasm as he introduces each verse, singing in a very jokingly matter how it’s just “cherries on top”. With just the sound of his voice, you can tell everything has gone to hell, but he obviously can’t fix it now, so here he is just coming through with a well-known saying to make fun of the fact that everything is definitely not good. A line in the verse that really stuck out to me was, “We’ve been falling, falling, it’s like we fell to the top [...] Now I’m dodging, dodging everything you think that I’m not / Archetype of television, was lost but held my vision”. It’s clear the person Urie is describing (perhaps even himself) through the song, it was so close to making it, so close to being okay, and so close to fixing all the issues, but failed almost in a way where their dream isn’t even a victory anymore. Now there’s accusation, surrounding the person on who they exactly are, and through the fogginess of the world around them and their own self-pity, they don’t even know anymore. But alas, there’s still hope. A goal is still to be achieved, and even if the world around has burned, it can be rebuilt. Thus, this is what the chorus reiterates. The silver lining isn’t good enough. It has to be perfect. A shining, top-of-the-notch-gold feeling. Average will never do. This song was a great way to open the album on Urie’s part. Everything else following in some form or another sticks with the theme of owning all your flaws and mistakes, and rebuilding yourself with wicked redemption.

“Hey Look Ma, I Made It” is the first song on the record the audience hears which is unfamiliar to us, and apparently it’s the next to single. Rightfully so. Opened with the upbeat nature of a pumping bass and a cool electric guitar for celebration, the song signifies the next chapter in someone's life. Ignoring the remarks, pushing past the failings, and making a total switch of growth. Their life has been a clear struggle, never having once made it to the top, by letting everything get the best of them. But now, it’s a new chapter. The sequel to their past life, as Urie describes in song, “Are you ready for the sequel? / Ain’t you ready for the latest? / Ain’t it got enough evil / I’m gonna be the greatest / In a golden cathedral / I’ll be praying for the faithless / And if you lose / boohoo.” I’m not one to type out a whole part of lyrics from a song. After a few important lines, for the most part, people understand your gist once you describe it. But holy mother of God and all things wickedly holy of Brendon Urie, every lyric in this song is pure genius. I just have to type big chunks here. It hits every mark with exactly the thoughts and overall mood it’s going for. Asking the world so strongly, so boldly, even despite all the doubts of everything, if it’s ready for you. Because you’re here, your old self a corpse left forever dead, and you’re reborn into your own self-entitled extraordinaire. Even going as far as taking the “evil”, aka anything twisted, anyone or even your own self has thought about you, and owning as it being who you are, and not letting anyone use it against you. If they don’t believe in you now, sure, you’ll give an effort to try and let them see, but at the end of the day, it’s their loss. And boy could you not give a single fuck anymore. A chorus that describes how you made it, using the typical “hey ma” phrase as a way to say you made it within yourself, and are showing it to someone who’s seen you your whole life (in this case, more like the whole world). Holding yourself high and feeling all the glory, because here you are, ready to own yourself and take it all on. If all of it is just a delusion fantasy, it’s one you’ll never leave.

The entirety of the second verse hits home so much for me. And once again, I am going to type out the whole thing, because every lyric hits like a bullet, “Friends are happy for me / oh they’re honeysuckle phonies / Then they celebrate my medals / or they wanna take my trophies / Some are loyal soldiers / while these other thorns are rosy / And if you never know who you can trust / then trust me you’ll be lonely.” I’ve had tons of fake; horrible friends. Recently, I had a pretty traumatic breakup with one of these fake friends. When I heard this verse specifically, I was honestly shell-shocked. It was as if Urie himself had put all the emotions I’ve felt and turned it into a song. Even just the calmness to his voice with the way he sings it makes it so effective. Because it’s so known to him, and the feelings are so familiar, and I just get that completely. Your so-called friends will express cheer for you, perhaps say they’re even proud of all you’ve done, but in reality, are faking it. The use of the honeysuckle flower is so incredibly smart. Honeysuckles are known for being two different shades--two different sides to one person, fragrant--allure you with their charms, and open in the evening for pollination by moths--reveal their true selves away from you, and show how ugly they truly are. As they cheer for you and praise you to your face, they’re plotting in their minds how they can destroy you in every way possible. Sure, you have your faithful people you can always rely on, but there’s plenty who give off being doting, as they clasp a knife behind their back. At the end of the day, it’s all entirely toxic and ruins you. Destroying your friendships, self-worth, and ability to tell who really matters in your life, or if you even matter at all, leaving you shamefully alone. If you’re like me and have recently had to re-strengthen yourself from the damage a long-time fake friend has done, this is an excellent song to motivate you along the way. Screw all the damage, use it as your fuel, because even if they broke you, you’re still here and kicking.

Even with all the motivation this album entails, there’s definitely some stories of pain on it. “Roaring 20s” is a great example, and one of my favorites on the album. The opening music of 1920’s-era-like instruments just paints the picture in your mind of a room full of flapper girls, smoke in the air, and jazzy music. Despite the glamour and appeal of it all, the person in this song wants out. Reading back the lyrics, this song is sad. Dreadfully sad. A ‘y'know, I don’t think I want to wake up tomorrow’ kind of sad. But that’s all disguised by the blaring of peppy instruments, which seems to be exactly the point. This person is clearly going through a lot, and in spite of that, they’re being forced by the world to go on like life is a party, because heaven forbid they say anything to turn the mood negative. Once again, Urie hits everyone’s emotional center and this song captures it so perfectly in a way I never thought it could be possible. Down to the specifics of how the instruments are played and the vocals are produced. “Maybe I’ll medicate / maybe I’ll inebriate / Strange situations / I get anxious / Maybe I’ll smile a bit / maybe the opposite / But pray that they don’t call me thankless”. I really felt this in my bones. In life, sometimes you just have to cope. ‘How’ doesn’t matter. You just need to stay alive, to be able to breathe without a rush of pain. The situation this person is in--which appears to be something similar to a party, where it is very public and they’re forced to hide their true emotions, is becoming a realization for them to say that they don’t know how much longer they can fake it, or how much longer they can even deal with anything anymore. The definite last straw would surely be if anyone considered them selfish for their feelings.

References are made a few times in this song that help to describe the absolute truth of melancholy in the track. “My tell-tale heart is a hammer in my chest / cut me a silk tie tourniquet”. Most likely, this is a play on the Edgar Allan Poe story “The Tell-Tale Heart”, which follows a man trying to deem himself sane while also describing a murder he just committed. On one side, this person perhaps feels there’s nothing truly wrong with them, and they’re just experiencing a bad time. While on the flip side, they really do find themselves unbearable as their mind begins to swarm into cruel details of darkness. “But it’s Lord of the Flies in my mind tonight, I don’t know if I will survive”, is a direct reference to “Lord of the Flies” by William Golding, which tells the story of boys stranded on an island and how they slowly go insane as they try to govern themselves. The person in this song is trying to keep themselves together, and trying to manage and continue on all on their own. But each day, they’re falling deeper and deeper into the pit of madness and it’s unknown to them at that striking point if they’ll make it.

The chorus follow-up to the last verse is huge, loud, and absolutely amazing. It especially leads me to the replay button every time. The vocals get extravagant, and the instruments practically scream in notes, but everything slows down. Giving off a feeling as if going slow-mo in time, the rhythm breaks down completely so the focus is all the raw and aching emotions of the song. And of course, the chorus measures up to par with the rest, “This is my roaring / roaring 20s / I don’t even know me / Roll me like a blunt cause I wanna go home”. If you know anything about history, you’ll know the 1920s were a big time of extravagance. But merely, it was a distraction from the actual destruction and suffering that was happening in the world. Urie referencing what this person is going through as being their “roaring 20s era” is intelligent as a way to describe the hidden pain. They don’t even know themselves, because the whole world around them is a fake celebration despite the crippling suffering they feel inside. A reference to weed is also smart. This person just wants to drift off and forget: be alone and try so hard to distract and forget. An anthem to describe depression would be the perfect way to summarize this song. Not everyone will see it as awfully dark and upsetting, but if you look closely, you’ll see the truth.

The eleven track album of devilish bliss ends with ballad “Dying In LA”. It’s a song that compliments both sides to growth and is the perfect closing to this epic album. With a slow melody, soothing beat, and passionate vocals filled with vulnerability, Urie sings of the typical dreamer. Someone who spends every waking, breathing, and chilling moment waiting to make it for their chance of glory. It starts off describing a scenery of bliss. Finally arriving at this person’s equivalent of the golden gates of heaven--Los Angeles. You can just picture in your mind with each word the shimmering lights, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the expensive price tags, the distinct smell of a city crowd, and the busy world around you as you go to start your dream. “The sun was in your eyes / you couldn’t believe it [...] Stars are on the ground / you start to believe it”.

But alas, it isn’t always so easy as stepping onto the sidewalk. Los Angeles is a very glamorized place. It’s the place of stars, and the place to go to make a name for yourself. But if something happens along the way, and things don’t go as planned, well, perhaps it is better to fade away in a place of beauty, then to say you never tried at all. Towards the middle to the end of the song, that is what is referenced. “Drink of paradise / They told you put your blood on ice / You’re not gonna make it”. Blood on ice is a popular procedure in hospitals to preserve the hormones and oxygen within it for testing. Referencing this is a way to symbolize how this person should save what they have left, so there’s a possibility of something to share after they are gone. Soaking in the enjoyment, and the small fulfillment they have left in a place their heart has swooned about is the better option than to go back and be back at the very beginning. The chorus is the strongest part of this song. “But nobody knows you now / when you’re dying in LA / And nobody owes you now / when you’re dying in LA [...] The power of LA”. Even if you find all hope is lost, and there’s nothing else to do now, you always have the ability to escape to a place of happiness. There’s no grief, remorse, or agony in the place you find to be the backbone of your dreams. This is what Urie expresses as he describes the shifting moods of the dreamer in LA and the overall journey of finding hope. A perfect way to close the album’s rollercoasters with its main message.

With every rise, there is a fall. So with every fall, there is a rise. Even as the album is mostly centered around growing and starting anew, there are still references to past pain, which is important. You can’t have the glory without the suffering of getting there. All people have both physical and mental scars. Acknowledging them and accepting them in order to better yourself is the true depth of this album. From the fun, flashes of the past tracks such as “Dancing’s Not A Crime” and “The Overpass” which show a joy in breathing new air (and also sound perfect for old 80’s movies), to songs that describe in such power the deepest holes of slums, like “One Of The Drunks” and “Old Fashioned”, this album shows each of your qualities make you the person you are. Brendon Urie and his wonderful team have made this absolutely impressive and breathtaking album, which is sure to forever be marked as one of my all-time favorites. Whether you’re a long-time fan, or new to the band, this album has a favorite song for everyone and a message everyone for certain can relate to.

If you’re looking for a holy sign to reinvent your life, allow this album to be your bible. Let it guide you, inspire you, and be a place of comfort for all reasons. It’s time we let ourselves die for rebirth. A rebirthing that accepts all of the wicked sinners within us as we start the lives we always wanted. I pray you all are able to do so.

December Svetlana Jade is going to follow whatever insane and remarkable new religion Panic! At The Disco are starting. You can follow her on Tumblr.

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[doomedandstoned]

MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS!

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Art by Boyd Synnott

MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS are making lots of noise on the island state of Tasmania. This summer, the Hobart heavies Unleash The Beast with three freshly baked tracks, the first sounds to come from the band since the sudden loss of drummer Mick McCoy last year. 'Unleash The Beast' (2018) follows on the heels of the band's second EP, 'Kick It In The Guts' (2017), which was picked up Conan's label Black Bow Records.

Adrian Smith (vox, bass) and Baz Leek (guitar) welcome Brett “Bert” Pitfield (drums) to the fold, showing off a trio of new tracks recorded by the new line-up. I have to say, the band just keeps getting fiercer with every record. The first track and album namesake, "Unleash The Beast," kicks off with fits and starts and fuck-all fury ala Orange Goblin. Adrian's wicked, teeth-clenching vocals might remind you of Cathedral's Lee Dorrian or even Vince Neil of Mötley Crüe. While everything has that downtuned doom metal underbelly, Mountains of Madness are definitely showing their spiky metal bones here, as they morph from one stage of heavy evolution to the next.

I hate you. I'll make you smile. So says the Devil in "Satan Is Waitin." I'm fondest of this one, as it strikes quite a sinister tone. "Locked And Loaded" rounds out the lot with a bastard of creation that is half rambunctious rocker, half sludge metal savage. Don't miss the closing two-minute trek, where Baz breaks out into a gorgeously captured solo that reminded me of the humid summer vibes of Down's NOLA. The song concludes with a mighty, crashing crunch of chords, as the Beast finally sinks teeth into its bloody prey.

'Unleash The Beast' (2018) emerges the in early June and will be available in a fortnight here. In the meanwhile, you can stream it all right now exclusively on Doomed & Stoned!

Give ear...

Unleash The Beast by MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS

Baz Sounds Off!

The Mountains of Madness guitarist takes us into the band's beer-fueled days and fuzz-soaked nights Down Under.

Interview by Billy Goate | Concert Pics by Andrew Slaidins

Guitarist Baz Leek

First, let me congratulate you on last year's Black Bow Records issue of the EP, Kick It In The Guts. That record never lets up, does it? Just one hard hit after another.

Thanks. The EP was a lot of fun. It was produced by Psycroptic's Joe Haley, who was great to work with. We’re happy with the end result.

Big fan of Psycroptic, myself. How long have you known Joe Haley?

I used to go along and watch Psycroptic live years back, when they were young and first starting out. Joe used to visit a mutual friend’s place and we’d all link our Xboxes up. He would kick our asses. He’s a talented young lad.

With Joe's background being in technical metal, is he pretty exacting in the studio?

He is. If anything, we have to tell him to let our stuff be a little more fuzzy and raw. After working with us on both EPs, he understands what kind of sound we are after.

What’s something you take away from your sessions with him?

I think it would be just to be open and not shy in coming forward and stating what you want. He’s such an easygoing guy and more than happy to accommodate.

Wineglass Bay by Jess Maybury

You're all from Tasmania, which might as well be another planet for a good chunk of us reading. I hear it described as a place where nature is out to kill you. Not sure how true that is, but you do have some big ass spiders and the Tasmanian Devil.

(laughs) No, in actual fact, Tassie is a fairly quiet and mild place to live. Many of the bigger bands that tour Australia don’t include Tasmania on their tours, but that seems to be slowly changing a bit.

Cradle Mountain by Jai Moyle

Is there much of a heavy music scene, to speak of?

There is a pretty healthy metal scene down here. Most of the metal bands have their own styles and sounds, which is great. Bands like Psycroptic, Ruins, and Départe are worth checking out.

Mt. Wellington by Shane Mundy

How did Mountains of Madness get together?

Our former drummer Mick McCoy and I were jamming and writing. We were introduced to bassist and vocalist Adrian Smith, who was looking for bandmates to work on some stoner rock material he had written. We pretty much just merged our ideas and collaborated on the newer material.

The original Mountains of Madness line-up

You guys really had the wind knocked out of you recently with the death of a bandmate. How much do you feel comfortable sharing?

Late last year, we tragically lost our drummer, Mick. We’d played together previously and he was one of my best friends, so that was particularly hard for not only us, but also all of his friends and family.

I’m sure for many bands, a terrible happening like that would have been enough to sink the whole ship. How are you holding up?

I contemplated moving on to something different musically, but we decided we’d try doing a gig and see how it all went. A friend of ours, Brett “Bert” Pitfield, jumped in and is a really good fit for where we are at. We all look forward to moving forward with this lineup and have been working on some new material.

Former drummer Mick McCoy

Any fan of H.P. Lovecraft will get the reference in the band’s name, but do you have an overall interest in the Lovecraftian universe and explore it to any extent in your music?

Well, the name Mountains of Madness seemed a good fit. We were looking at having doomy elements to our music and living here in Hobart under a big, cold mountain seemed appropriate. We theme some designs and audio samples to Lovecraft, but that’s more for the band title. If anything, there is more of a Mad Max theme to Kick It In The Guts, but the Lovecraft universe is certainly an interest. However, I like the whole idea of the Cthulhu mythos and the associated cult. Such a great concept.

Singer & bassist Adrian Smith

You've got a new record coming out shortly.

Yes! Not long after Brett joined the band, we decided rather than go to ground and record an album, we'd punch out a few new songs. They were recorded at AAA Studios in Hobart and once again produced by Joe. We recorded it all pretty much live in studio, with a couple of extra guitar tracks added on. We were happy to leave some imperfections in there.

What's 'Unleash The Beast' all about?

Adrian writes all our lyrics. He pretty much gets an idea in his head and the rest just flows. We sometimes have a laugh at the lyrics not even making sense, but there aren’t too many weighty topics, lyrically. The concept for the new song "Satan Is Waitin," for instance, came about when Adrian saw a t-shirt design one of his nephews had done and decided he wanted to do a song about it. If anything, there’s more humour than something serious.

Drummer Brett Pitfield

What’s on your roadmap for the rest of the year?

We have a few cool shows in the works and, obviously, the new EP. We just wanted to keep the ball rolling, so went in with Joe and recorded them very no-fuss and raw.

Anything cool happening in Taz itself?

Something that might be of interest is the annual Dark Mofo Festival, which has attracted Boris, Sunn O))), Pallbearer, and Earth, to name a few. This year, Electric Wizard will be doing an Australia exclusive down here, which is quite unique. Dark Mofo is a weeklong festival where the city is taken over with art, concerts, and unique events. Hymns To The Dead is another feature, mainly attracting international black metal acts who, in years past, would never have come to Tasmania.

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Milky Way by Benjamin Alldreidge