#allegedly idk how well i captured the likeness

[transgender-chiroptera]

YIPPEE YAHOO TRANS PEOPLE RISE UP!!!!!

[the-punforgiven]

if you could participate in any historical event, which one would you pick?

To be honest, as much as I'd like to decapitate a french monarch, or as funny as it'd be to watch several popes argue about which pope is the most pope and which ones are fake popes, as much as I'd love to be a sailor in the earliest days of the Golden Age Of Piracy, I've only really got one answer.

To be 100% honest, ever since I was in high school I've been absolutely enthralled with legendary farmer-turned freedom fighter-turned-pirate Pier Gerlofs Donia, A legendary dude said to be incredibly tall and insanely strong, inseparable from his massive greatsword that was like 7 feet long, 14 pounds, and currently resting in a Frisian museum

Known for being an absolute legend, having the title of The Giant of Kimswerd, starting a long series of battles with the Hapsburgs both on land and at sea, organizing multiple peasant rebellions on land and allegedly sinking 132 ships in his first two years at sea, 28 of which were in a single day. He's also said to have captured like 2/3rds of a dutch fleet maybe? idk

He was also apparently so strong he could bend a coin between his thumb and forefinger, for whatever that's worth? idk I don't know how strong Frisian coins are but I'm glad his strength is on par with Stone Free lmao

While I know most of his life is shrouded in legend with sparse proper documented sources to draw from, I'd love to like, just shadow this dude's life out of curiosity to see exactly how much of his story is exaggerated for the sake of making a cooler legend, vs how much of it is like, real historical things that actually happened

Though I also can't speak Frisian, so given another part of his legend, idk if that'd turn out all too well for me lmao

[artinandwritin]

alright I wanna hear all about this ghost hunting au please please please

OH YEAH OFC!! Id love to infodump hehe

As for the "basic knowledge " for this au, cuz ofc I can't do an au without vicariously planning every single detail, we're talking about a modern au type of au here, set between 2015-2021 in the small - kinda haunted - town of Berk. Ghostly appearances and voices that don't belong are a regular for some inhabitants.

Luckily, we got some Ghost Hunters to take care of things, and not just any Ghost Hunters, no, these are famous, inspiring ones. Everyone wants them, everyone wants to be them, cuz they've got money from living off of YouTube. Great.

Spoiler, these Ghost Hunters are the Gang cuz ofc they are. Hiccup's a successful capturer of supernatural evidence and a great exorcist and operates the most dangerous houses with his trusted crew, existing of his wife Astrid, his cousin Snotlout, and friends Fishlegs, Ruff and Tuff. They're having fun and I love them in this au <3

Zooming in a little bit, we're turning our cameras to the biggest fanboy of Ghosts, first year college student Gustav, and his new bestie, Liam Arnesen (my friend's Sol's oc!). Well, Gustav has big hopes and dreams for the future; one, getting rich af, two, get a pretty person to be the love of his life, and three, to start a successful Ghost Hunting company like his big half-brother Snotlout and cousin Hiccup. Sure, he's got no money cuz daddy Spitelout stopped paying child support to his mom, but he's got the spirit and the diplomas from online courses about Ghosts to make up for it.

Luckily, fate decides to be nice to him and brings him a medium, in the form of Solveig Onfroy (another one of Sol's ocs!), Liam's fierce girlfriend. She's an absolute queen who is able to sense Ghosts around her, like a badass, and Gustav's like, "you. I want you. In the company". And Solveig says, "um. Well okay I guess?".

So Solveig, Liam and Gustav schedule a time and date to go visit an abandoned, allegedly haunted house - Gustav takes his childhood friend, high school senior Siri Vínteri, with him as well, just cuz he likes her face and gets all butterflies when he's around her. Totally platonic. Siri is a hashtag rich kid, a cousin to Ghost Hunter Astrid, very sweet, a bit naive, that whole shabang. She's also a horse girl and thinks a 100 bucks is the same as 10 bucks. Yeah, that's what generational wealth does to a person. It's a problem.

The four go on an adventure in the haunted house and after some wacky shenanigans, they decide to finally start Gustav's company and air their show online! The Ghost Hunter. Inc is a fact. This all happens in autumn to winter of 2015, its a wild ride. Soon after this, Gustav and Siri start dating - Siri treats her broke boyfriend to a lot of little presents cuz she doesn't know how to handle money - and life goes on.

Skip to a few years later, to december of 2020, Solveig and Liam have gotten married, the company has gained two more employees, Luka Grimborn and his girl Kristen Everson (two ocs of my friend Chloe, Kris' name might get a change! Idk yet, she's been talking about it), and they've settled into an easy life style. Most of them have part time jobs outside of their Ghost Hunting business, but it's a sincere passion project for all of them - even if Hiccup's company still has more subscribers, lmao.

One night, Gus and Siri do a little haunted house exploration of their own. They had gotten engaged a few months prior and were currently getting ready for their wedding, fun times. However, shit sure does happen in that haunted house, called Edgewater Mental Asylum. Siri gets attacked by the Ghost of an angry mother who had lost her baby in childbirth, called Isabella, now searching for a new baby to raise. Welp, Seer finds out she's pregnant. Fun times for her for sure. After a long struggle and some injuries, the Ghost disappears. GusSiri goes to Solveig and Liam in a panic, not sure how to handle with what had happened.

While Solveig doesn't notice anything weird, her adoptive daughter, five year old Elanor, does notice. A medium as well, she senses Siri's pregnancy and how the baby is a little boy. However, she senses something else as well. Something... Dark, inside of Siri.

Ding ding, our girl's possessed!

No-one believes little Elanor, though. Sadness. However, she seems to have been right as time passes and the signs get more and more noticable, until Isabella fully takes over and attacks the little girl, with Zephyr Haddock, Hiccup's daughter, in the room.

Time for an exorcism! While, after much struggle, Isabella leaves Siri's body, her influence hangs around, causing Seer's son to be born prematurely. After this, Siri temporarily leaves the company, but returns after working things over with Gustav and Solveig about her role in the workplace. She wouldn't go on trips anymore, just stay home with her son and do the work behind the scenes. I have the feeling she would start a podcast and invite other ghost hunters for the hot tea. Astrid would probably be a regular.

So yeah, that's kind of the basics! Since it's a pretty old au, some parts are under construction and backstories are being rewritten, which has forced me to leave a lot of shit out which i think is sad.

Anyways, its more brutal than i show here. It's so, so much more brutal. Isabella nearly murders Seer in the first chapters and Solveig is forced to use violence on her highly pregnant friend. Also, child abuse by cranky ghost. It's fun >:)

Thank you sm for the ask!! I loved answering this sm you have no idea. This au is so dear to my heart - cuz it's my oldest - and i love it sm. All the hugs to you <333

[im-a-mint]

Y’know what? Fuck it, OC dumping time: So you guys remember Atreus? Yeah we’re gonna go deep into this bitch

Let’s get the basics set. Atreus is not human.

Atreus is from a pretty much extinct race of people that once inhabited the 16th realm: The Change Realm. This realm was a pretty abnormal place, as it was an endless void of random pieces of land suddenly appearing around them and the people would find their ways to connect those other pieces to their already stablished one to keep reinforcing it.

These people are the morphers. Changeglings are another thing, but a morpher is basically a being with the ability to not only change every aspect of themselves but they also have the ability to change every aspect of other beings and objects even if they aren’t a morpher. They are first born as what they call creatures of the void: basically a blob with no specific characteristic other than it’s glowing white eyes(?) and the fact that they are very clearly conscious of what surrounds them. A morpher is also born without a sense of identity that’s only given to them if their given a name and even sometimes a designated appearance.

Now, there are different levels for a morpher and their abilities.

Shapeshifting: They can basically copy any appearance of any being they want. This is one of the first ones that a morpher learns, but this doesn’t give them a feeling of identity as they are only stealing this appearance. What comes along shapeshifting is also voice imitating, something I just felt like clarifying.

Form Making: Now here’s when it gets more original. Basically, this is the stage where a morpher can create an appearance of their own from scratch and the stage where they also develop an identity as this one happens when a morpher is encouraged to do it or told to do it thus why being given a designated appearance gives them a feeling of who they are along with having a name.

Power Copying: A more limited practice but still an existing one, and it’s only possible if the morpher is copying the appearance of a being with such like as an Elemental Master, Oni, Dragon, and anything alike, but after they do this the first time they don’t necessarily need to keep that limit afterwards. The reason this one is much difficult is because a morpher needs physical training to even handle the powers they’re trying to copy, otherwise it would be dangerous for them to do so as the power could attack them back.

Appearance Fusion: Brother of Shapeshifting and Form Making, Appearance Fusion is when a morpher takes two of their already acquired appearances and characteristics and fuses them to make a new one. This has its minimums, as for it to be considered Appearance Fusion it needs to have at least one characteristic of each appearance to be fused together. Examples of these are taking the appearance of a being without powers and using Power Copying to give this new appearance said powers or adding extra limbs of a different appearance to a new one.

Transformation: The most difficult of the bunch but it’s basically the ability to change and transform a being or object from one thing of another with just touching them and focusing on what a morpher wants to change it to. The reason why this is so difficult is because meditation is needed to both unlock it and reinforce it, and since the rest need more physical training than not it becomes a challenge to unlock the power of Transformation.

Now, the reason why I said earlier that Atreus was from a race of extinct people is because morphers have been pretty much extinct for ages now. Before the First Spinjitzu Master was even born, what is called the Realm War happened about a couple of thousands years later after the creation of the Change Realm. Basically, what has went on was a war caused by certain realms forming alliances with each other and it becoming known that some realms wanted to take over other realms. This obviously led to war and the Change Realm quickly became a menace to any enemy realm that tried conquering them, as morphers had not only an extremely powerful ability, but they also had a very well-trained army with a mastery in at least 3 out of 5 morpher power levels. Then add to the pot that their weakness was unknown to most and you have an extremely powerful and dangerous enemy.

Nevertheless, morphers never seemed to attack and only ever fought back. If any of their spies infiltrated in other realms gave them information about a realm planning on attacking them, the morphers would immediately start preparing to attack and fight against by using everything they knew about the enemy to attack and win. And soon enough they were painted as aggressive, cold blooded villains who only wanted to win and conquer every single realm in existence.

And so comes the Magic Realm with their morally grey wizard, Bone.

The Magic Realm wasn’t happy at all with this rumor, and so as a mean of protecting themselves from being conquered, they paid a good sum of money to Bone for them to do the job. Bone was once a powerful, talented wizard who only cared about their own safety, and upon being told “Hey, these morphers wanna conquer us” they immediately got to work by creating a potion strong enough to help them pass as a morpher in the Change Realm to find a way to take them down and protect their home. This was when they discovered the metal of Inrita and when the only weakness of a morpher was finally brought to light. Inrita is like- a more intense version of vengestone that can cancel any power. For most, this just means that they have to fight without any powers. For morphers, this means death.

Since Inrita could successfully murder a morpher, Bone decided to use it to completely massacre every single morpher on sight, leaving a path of statues made out of Inrita that were once actual beings who, may I remember you, were only protecting themselves from being attacked. But Bone wasn’t over with their punishment to those who allegedly threatened to conquer every other realm, because when the last morpher pleaded for mercy, they gave it to them but not before cursing the whole future of the society of morphers with a spell which specified that yes, a morpher would be born, but only once in a lifetime. This meant that only if a morpher died, it would mean another would be born, and since there was only one morpher left alive, only one morpher would ever be born every lifetime plus with the fact that in every realm but the Change Realm.

And so, the last morpher decided to write scrolls detailing everything about a morpher. Their powers, culture, and everything surrounding it and sending them to every other realm, one for each of them that would at first appear to just be any other scroll, but the moment a morpher would touch it, it would reveal what it actually is about.

Due to this, there have been many legends about many morphers across the realms. Take the legend of The Protector as an example. A legend about a woman who could change everything about anything all to protect those who she thought were worth protecting, dying after someone who had found a spear of Inrita from the Realm War decided to test it on her. She was the morpher before Atreus, and now Atreus is the morpher of this lifetime.

He was born in Jamanakai Village and was quickly casted out for not being human and causing havoc, traveling around as a creature of the void until being found by who is only known as Master, who upon seeing how the morpher would transform into anything he wanted, the Master decided to take him and train him to be his loyal servant, thus being given the appearance I showed in a past post.

This one to be more exact even though that isn’t his full and actual appearance. Once he’s captured by the ninja and is basically told about how his master was only using him, Atreus decides to join them and basically creates his more human appearance basing off of characteristics he likes of the ninja (these events happen in like- a breach between s14 and s15 bc I want Nya there) such as Jay’s freckles, Nya’s bangs, Kai’s scars plus some other characteristics he steals from people like Ronin and a voice sounding alike to his.

But uh yeah this is all I have- maybe I’ll make a drawing of Atreus’ human form idk

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Met Gala || Peter Parker x Reader

Summary: Y/N and Peter go on a mission to capture Harry Osborn at one of the most heavily guarded places; the Met Gala. 

Word Count: 2k

Author’s note: I watched Ocean’s 8 and Hoco back to back and thus, this fic was born. 

Warning: Fighting?? Creepy dude??? IDK man a busted lip?

-----

When you were recruited for SHIELD, you knew you would be needed to fight alongside the avengers or workaround in the advanced lab in the Helicarier but never in a million years did you think Fury would send you and Peter Parker on a mission to infiltrate the Met Gala. Celebrities you stalked all day on twitter were now inches from you, wearing gorgeous ensembles from famous designers you could never pronounce and you were hardcore fangirling.

You tried to keep in your excitement as you looked across the room, seeing your favorite actors and influencers all mingling together without a care in the world. You were breathing the same air as Beyonce and Harry Styles, dear god, life felt great. Little did they know, this event had been hijacked by New York’s charming new villain, Harry Osbourn. Your mission with Peter was simple; find Harry and take him back to SHIELD’s headquarters for questioning without causing a mass distraction.

As you reached for a crystalized champagne glass off of one of the server’s silver platter, you hear a tsk sound off in your hidden earpiece inside your earrings.

“ Drinking on the job,” Peter clicked his tongue as he looked behind his shoulder, scouting you from across the ballroom,” your mother would be so disappointed.”

You smiled and took a small sip, taking in the room,” I’m blending in Parker. You should do the same.  As for my mom, I’m in the same room as Idris Elba so I think she’ll be more jealous than upset.”

You took a quick glance towards Peter, who was sitting at a vacant table. He wore a black suit with a thin gold and blush material lined thinly along either side of the opening of his suit jacket. The inside of the suit was a simple white button-up that had no buttons at the top, revealing a bit of his chest.

While it was the Met Gala and you were excited to see what kind of flashy SHIELD had managed to get, they went the opposite. They gave you a black, long sleeve gown with a delicate lace pattern towards the bottom of your dress.  Even though it was already out of your comfort zone from how fitting it was, the dress had a deep V cut on your chest that gave little to the imagination. While the dress was flattering, you knew you could’ve settled for your old prom dress when you heard that the gown you were wearing was two times the price of your apartment.

“ My little Peter Parker looks like he’s going to a Las Vegas communion,” you teased as you gave him a distant longing look,” but you look nice. You should wear suits more often, maybe then you could get a girlfriend.”

“ Ouch, Y/N,” Peter laughed, even though his heart stung a bit,” just because you look like that doesn’t mean you can go around breaking my heart.”

Even though Peter couldn’t see you from where you were, you still felt your cheeks to see if it was noticeable that you were blushing hard. Ever since sophomore year in high school, you had always hopelessly flirted with Peter but his attention was always Spiderman this and Spiderman that. It wasn’t until your senior year that you both would flirt with each other shamelessly yet that made things even harder for you. Now you weren’t sure if he was just joking or actually flirting with you and you could only blame yourself.

“ Keep your eyes open for Harry, not me,” You said as you finished your champagne glass and set it down at a table,” but I like the attention so you may continue flirting with me after we’re done with our mission.”

You heard Peter gasp loudly followed by silence which made your heart stop. 

“ Peter? Peter do you have eyes on Harry?”

“ No! I think Blake Lively is about to come up and talk to me, bye!”

You craned your neck and sure enough, you picked Peter out of the crowd and saw the goddess herself sitting next to him smiling. Lucky bastard. You kept your eyes glued to Peter as you collided with someone.

“ Woah watch yourself there,” You heard as you felt your anxiety raise through the roof. Please don’t let it be Pedro Pascal, please. I would die from embarrassment if I just bumped into the Mandalorian, Pedro Pascal, himself.

You apologized but when you hesitantly looked up, hoping it wasn’t a famous celebrity you had obsessed over, your heart dropped. Harry Osborn.  

“I’m sorry but do I know you?” Harry asked as you thought quickly of what to do,” I swear you look familiar.”

You weren’t prepared to see him so soon, your plan of attack was to find him not for him to find you. You snapped yourself out of it and focused on what you knew best, flirting.

“ No, you don’t. Trust me, you would remember a face like mine,” you said smoothly, feeling your confidence boost from the energy of the night and most likely the dress.

Harry smirked,” I like you already. I’m Harry, Harry Osborn.”

Oh you knew. You knew everything about him from the countless files that SHIELD had provided you. His estranged father was Norman Osborn and is the president of Oscorp, one of the leading multinational corporations in the US. Harry was around the same height as Peter, standing at 5' 10, weighing 170 pounds, and had dark blue eyes that held more than just a charming sparkle. You knew how he liked his coffee, why he hated Halloween, where he vacationed when he was in grade school, and when he lost his virginity. Knowing how much intel SHIELD had on Harry was not only scary for him, but for you since who knows about dirt Fury had one you aswell.

“ Michelle Jones,” you said on the spot, not wanting him to know your real name. He reached for you hand to shake but instead, placed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

You smiled politely even though you mentally rolled your eyes. You just needed to get him somewhere private so you could take him out with the tranquilizer that Peter had in his pocket.

“ So Harry, what brings you to the Met? You must be pretty influential to get an invite,” you said as you started walking away from your spot, knowing that there was an exit behind the staircase and that Harry would follow you.

“ I would call myself an entrepreneur,  I dabble in some tech companies here and there. Just changing the world one robot at a time,” Harry shrugged as he followed next to you, taking the bait,” I bet you’re probably into something along the lines of modeling.”

You couldn’t help yourself but to let out a lousy laugh as he held a set of double doors open for you, leaving an empty hallway,” That’s cute but no,  I’m one of the leading programmers at Stark Industries. But sure, I guess I’m just a pretty face too.”

“ Brains, beauty, and an attitude? Well today’s my lucky day then,” he flirted as he placed his hand on your lower back, leaning in close to your ear,” let’s get out of here yeah?”

You almost showed your visibly disgusted expression on your face but you hide it well underneath a sweet smile,“ I admire your boldness and while I am very flattered, I have a boyfriend. I think he would actually love to meet you, let me just go find him.”

“ Y/N, there you are,” Peter’s voice piped behind you as you watched his face fall for a second and then recover,” who’s your friend?”

Your smile faltered,“ R-Right, this is Harry Osborn, Harry, this is my boyfriend...Ned.”

Peter shook Harry’s hand as Peter tried to hide a grin from the fake name,” Nice to meet you, Harry.”

Harry nodded and looked between you two as Peter placed his arm around your hip, bringing you closer,” Well Ned, you’re a lucky man. She’s very smart and might I say very beautiful.”

Peter clenched his jaw as Harry looked you up and down longingly as if he could see straight through your gown. You felt Peter’s grip on your waist tighten but he knew that he had to stay calm so he didn’t compromise the mission.

“ Yes, Y/N is the whole package,” Peter said a bit more confidently as he gave you a small kiss on the cheek,” aren’t you baby?”

Before you could open your mouth, Harry interrupted and took a step forward,” That’s funny, she told me her name was Michelle.”

Peter looked back at your face and while you were now panicking on the inside, you only nodded in response,” Michelle Y/N Jones. Only my close friends call me Y/N.”

“ Really?  You know, now that I’m really thinking about it,” Harry looked between you two and pointed at Peter,” you look like a...Peter Parker. And you, Look like a Y/N L/N. Which is funny because I know two people who work for SHIELD who are allegedly after me. Funny huh?”

Your breath hitched and without thinking, Peter lunged at Harry and the two wrestled to the floor.  You watched as the two struggled on top of one another before Harry got the upper hand, giving him a few good punches before he started to choke him.

You looked at the cart next to you and grabbed a bottle of Champagne before slamming it over Harry’s head. In an instant, Harry slumped over on top of Peter who breathed a sigh of relief.

“ D-Did I kill him?” You asked as you dropped whatever was still intact of the bottle.

Peter shook his head, taking in your appearance. While you didn’t have any physical marks on you, your hair that was neatly tucked into a bun was now loose and all over the place.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” Peter asked as he moved your hair out of your face, his lip was definitely busted,”Y/N I am so sorry about blowing your cover and I’m sorry that you-”

You leaned over towards Peter and planted a light kiss to his cheek, which made him instantly turn red. You didn’t know what came over you but the damage was done, now you just had to get out of here.

“ Less talking and more lifting,” you said softly as you both looked down at Harry who was very much unconscious,” The car is waiting downstairs for us so I’ll grab his legs and you grab his arms?”

“ I can carry him myself,” Peter said and you knew he could because of his ‘super strength’ but you shook your head and insisted over a hundred times that you were a strong, capable woman.

Peter took one last longing look at you since his face couldn’t get any redder and nodded as the two of you both lifted Harry down the private staircase. The two of you said nothing, only sharing an occasional groan as you used most of your strength.

“ So what, are we dating now?” Peter asked as he accidentally bumped Henry’s head against the railing.

You huffed and stepped carefully, not wanting to trip over your dress,” I know I drank like three glasses of champagne but I would definitely remember if I asked you out, Parker.”

“ Well you introduced me to  Harry as your boyfriend.”

You stopped moving and placed Harry down on the stairs, your muscles that you hardly ever worked on were already aching. You placed your hands on your hips and shook your head,” Okay well, I technically said you were Ned so that means Ned is my boyfriend.”

You swallowed and looked up at Peter,” But if this is your attempt at trying to ask me out then yes, I will go out with you...only if you carry Harry the rest of the way.”

Peter hid his huge grin and only shrugged plainly, even though he wanted to jump out of excitement,” Fine by me.”

You watched as Peter lifted Harry with ease as if he weighed absolutely nothing.

“Show off,” you said as Peter smirked, knowing that he could get used to this. 

[barnesandco]

Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy (7/14)

Story Masterlist

The plum seller at the farmer’s market saves Bucky from being captured for the attack at Vienna that he didn’t commit, but is she really all that she appears to be, or are ulterior motives involved?

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo​ 2020. Word count: 1329. Square filled: “Hawkeye”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Mention of war, Hydra. Idk, the usual.

A/N: This story has a mind of its own, friends. I hope you like it.

The air is denser in Iraq. Baghdad welcomes them with loud markets and the cultural strength its history alludes to but the atmosphere is thick with tension between Bucky and his fellow fugitive, because she has gone too long without explaining her connection to Sam Wilson and by extension, Captain America. The fragile trust they have built cautiously is starting to stretch thinner and thinner, and is why Bucky’s mouth is in a thin line as he navigates the crowded noise of a Sunday market with her behind him. 

This is all, of course, a gigantic concern, but it is still dwarfed by the fact that Bucky is convinced they are being followed. Not loosely, on a global manhunt as they have been for weeks now, no, this danger is immediate, on their tail and chasing their still-fresh footsteps. Bucky fears a shadow behind him. He knows the smell of the chase, the cat-and-mouse race, and he knows he is playing prey right now. What he doesn’t know is why she is unworried, unhurried, trying to placate him at every sharp zig-zag turn they take.

Apropos, he swerves into an alley that he sees the other end of just as he sees the reflection of a shadow jumping from one rooftop to another. To acknowledge it by turning around, addressing their predator, would be to end the chase, and thus incite conflict. So he doesn’t turn, but holds her hand harder as the scent of falafels in the market behind them fades the further they walk.

The shadow is above them. He can hear it -- him, Bucky estimates, by the weight of the sound -- on the rooftop framing the alley. Bucky exits the alley and makes his way into another one, and the shadow, decides to introduce himself.

A blond man, wearing neutral tones opposing the uniform Bucky has seen him in on TV, stops in front of them, his bow held to the side as he holds his hands up to the best of his ability.

“I come in peace,” he says, only half-joking, and when he looks at her, she is watching him with recognition more personal than one holds for a public figure. So, Bucky doesn’t run. Doesn’t fight. Patience is a fortitude he is well-versed in, and he exercises it now. “Clint Barton,” the man introduces himself unnecessarily, and Bucky nods, assuming Barton knows who Bucky is. “You’re not much of a talker, are you?”

“What do you want?” Bucky asks gruffly, wrestling the instinct to say, I didn’t murder the people in Vienna. 

Barton smiles. “To help.”

“Why would I trust you?” Bucky asks, although he has been keeping up to date on the news, knows that Barton is on Captain America’s side of the Accords. Captain America, allegedly, has disappeared to locate his childhood friend Bucky Barnes, before the authorities do. If they stay here much longer, Cap will find him soon enough. He itches to move on.

The grin on Barton’s face widens, like he is about to reveal some secret, some surprise, something that might delight Bucky. That’s unlikely. Bucky hasn’t been delighted since he haggled his way to affording an orange from Mister Eli when he was 20 and Steve needed cheering up. God, that orange cheered him up. “Because she trusts me,” Barton says, nodding to the left of Bucky, where she stands, her fingers still woven between Bucky’s metal ones, tightly enough that he can feel the pressure.

He watches as she begins to affirm this. “He’s on our side, Barnes. He can help. I know him,” she says, and there are a thousand-and-one questions bursting his brain right now but he doesn’t have time for any of them so he asks Barton:

“Are you taking me away?” And Barton shakes his head.

“I’m showing you the way to a safe place.”

Bucky looks him up and down dubiously, and then focuses on the sound of the market behind him. It’s too public, which is normally good for avoiding confrontation, but right now, when there doesn’t seem to be an apparent risk of that, they’re just sitting ducks. “We can’t talk here.”

At that, she begins to walk, without a word, out of the alleyway and through the crowds, blending in seamlessly. Her headscarf reflects the Sun until she is standing in the shade of a busy bistro, already beginning to fill with lunchtime customers. But she finds a seat in a corner, and sits down across from Bucky. A few minutes later, so as to not be suspicious, Barton slides in to the seat between them. His back is to the door. A show of trust, Bucky supposes.

At this distance, and away from the sharp glint of the sun, Bucky sees that he’s wearing hearing aids. “There’s a port city a few hours from here,” Barton tells them, picking up a menu and pretending to read it.

“Umm Qasr,” both Bucky and his partner say in unison. Hydra ran ops there, too. He imagines that her knowledge of the area, as demonstrated by how effortlessly she has been navigating Baghdad, comes from her time as a war correspondent.

Looking up briefly, he glances from Bucky to her with an amused shine in his eye. “Uh, yeah,” he says, before clearing his throat and returning to the menu. “I’ve set up a boat there for you. Licensing, papers, everything. You can take that straight into the Persian Gulf, which, as you know, opens into the Arabian Sea. You know where to go from there,” he says vaguely, then he pulls a little book out of his pocket and places it on the table under the menu, and then leaves as he came. Abruptly, unexpectedly.

A waitress, composed and relaxed, finally approaches their now silent table. Bucky orders shawarma for both of them. When the waitress is out of earshot, Bucky asks, “How do you know him?”

She doesn’t look up from the tourist brochure at the side of the table. “An old wartime contact.”

“We can’t keep doing this,” he informs coldly. This captures her attention, and she puts the brochure aside, folding her hands on the table.

“Doing what, exactly?”

“Whatever you’re playin’ at, sweetheart,” he near-growls, leaning in closer. It could be mistaken for flirting, a battle of wits to outsiders, but he’s gravely serious. “I won’t let you lead me into some trap. I don’t want to get caught but I don’t want to see Steve, either.”

This was the wrong thing to say. She latches onto it like a leech to a boat, quick and unforgiving, a smirk appearing, but genuine intrigue in her eyes. “Steve, is he now?”

He tries to backtrack, leans away from her and her dangerous eyes and sharper tongue. “Rogers. The Captain. He thinks I’m something that I’m not. I remember bits and pieces, but I can’t be him,” he explains.

Her moods shift like tempestuous waters. The understanding dawns on her face but she still asks, “Can’t be who?”

“His Bucky. The one he remembers, the one he misses.”

“Nobody’s asking you to. And you’re not his anything. You are your own, Bucky. And if you don’t ever want to see his face again, nobody’s going to make you,” she tells him, reaching across the table to cover his hand in her smaller ones. He lets her, even though the way they are quivering right now mortifies him. If nothing else, they’re shielding his vulnerabilities from everyone else. “I promise.” 

Her honesty is staggering, and the fact that he trusts her even more so. It’s good that she continues, because he’s all out of words to say right now. “But if he’s trying to keep you safe, please let him. For your own sake.”

He changes the subject, which is as close to an acceptance, a truce, a compromise, as he can get. “You still haven’t told me how you know him.”

“He hired me.”

[nobloodneeded]

Nightmare of the Wolf was super up and down. Spoiler alert under the cut:

Elements I liked:

- Sexy Papa Vesemir. I buy that completely given how he is officially introduced in the book by groping Triss’ ass. I mean, he looked like a modern fuckboy but I could deal with it.

- Bath tubs - is it really the world of the Witcher without a bath tub scene? 

- Ilyana. I thought that love story was adorable. A bit unoriginal at the beginning, but a welcome and comfortable trope. Also she is voiced by Jennifer Hale so WIN. 

- Older Ilyana AND Vesemir. I cheered when “youthful” Vesemir kissed his beloved despite the seeming “age gap.” When she said, “I’m nearly 70,″ I said “So is he,” just a second before he said “So am I” and I LOST IT. I rewatched that clip like 6 times.

- The scene with the lake had me nearly brought to tears.

- The animation, but duh as a fan of Legend of Korra. The choreography was really cool, too.

- The cinematography was nice and I like the timing of the flashbacks.

- I think the Trial of the Grasses was captured pretty well - and horrifying. My mouth was agape and I was all but cowering through most of it.

- More Filavandrel content!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really like Tom Canton’s portrayal and his voice is so smooth and decadent, tbh. 

- The phrase “a question of price” and “something more” thrown in there.

- The elf “Kitsu” shapeshifting into a fox was soooooo shocking and had me like *looks at camera like in the Office* but it was a cute touch.

- I liked Sven and Luka

- Kind of neat that the King was Ciri’s like great great great great grandfather. Doesn’t mean anything, but like, neat. 

- Deglan

Elements I disliked:

- Honestly, I wish this was JUST a Vesemir story outside of the pogrom. I wish his story arc of progression - haughty and self-serving cad to proper guardian - remained but ended with Visenna handing baby Geralt over to him outside of Kaer Morhen like while he was on a hunt. Holding baby Geralt he realizes there is SOMETHING MORE to life than carrying on the way he is. It would have been way more impactful and help the audience understand JUST how much Geralt views Vesemir as a father figure. It also could have creatively explored W H Y she gave him up. 

-  I don’t particularly like the direction of the Sacking. I know we don’t canonically know MUCH about the pogrom, but we can glean from what we do know and the running theme of Sapkowski’s writing. Fanatics sacked Kaer Morhen out of fear and hatred inherent in humanity when something is different even if that different thing is protecting them. Egged on by the Monstrum A Portrayal of Witchers, the anti-witcher propaganda allegedly propagated by sorcerers, a riot was incited. I think the haunting thing about the sacking is the perceived banality of it that Sapko is known for. Mighty heroes can die from the basest of means and even a legend when stabbed by a peasant can fall. So turning it into almost a one person’s personal vendetta and a HUGE cataclysm just detracted from that to me. Plus, if I remember like a LOT of students - young boys, presumably - were killed during the sacking and I think, awful as it is, that would have been more chilling than seeing a bunch of adults you didn’t know enough to care about...die. The creators weren’t like...wrong, but it didn’t feel right either. 

- Didn’t like the Witchers creating their own monsters bit tbh. An interesting concept, but a bit underdeveloped and just didn’t sit right with me. It sort of gave validation for their genocide - or the desire to eradicate them - and I prefer the simplicity of “humans be scared and they be killin that which scares them.”

- Eskel and Lambert apparently undergoing the trial of the grasses together, when it was Geralt and Eskel who did and Lambert later is canonically known as the younger (ostensibly youngEST) witcher

- Not sure about the timeline. Much of Sapkowski’s work is like timeline? What timeline? But I thought Geralt and Eskel were like on the Path already by the time of the Pogrom. Or maybe not. This I genuinely do not know. I feel like reasonably Lambert was like the last or part of the last few who went through the Trial before the sacking. Also witchers age slowly so either Geralt, Eskel, and Lambert are WAY older than they’re meant to be in the series or Vesemir ages fucking FAST because he looks like he’s in his early thirties in the movie, but canonically while he’s still spry he actually LOOKS older. Triss calls him Grandpa, lol, and I’m sure that’s more endearing and joking, but I’m also sure he looks probably 50+ easy. 

- BALD GERALT. Which I knew, I fucking KNEW they would make that kid Geralt and I wished against it, but KNEW and was so...idk it just did not feel right or feel as impactful as I’m sure they wanted it to. That reveal was obvious and yet incredibly underdeveloped. Also the voice says it’s Harry Hissrich. The creator is Lauren Hissrich so I’m going to assuuuuumeeeeee...

- Remus - lmao hello JKR, Remus the WOLF School witcher?? I didn’t hate it, it was more like ‘Pfft, really.”

- Tetra’s design. She...........was way too similar to Yennefer. Pale, cold, black hair, choker, sorceress. I mean, it’s definitely not like she IS Yennefer, but still. Couldn’t have gone with like...any other concept design?

- Also Deglan lmao

[minetteskvareninova]

How the GoT ends for to me

(Because I refuse to admit anything after 8x03 is cannon the same way many people refuse to acknowledge The Cursed Child.)

- Tyrion and all the other smart people (maybe Varys Davos and Sansa?) cook up the plan of the final attack

- First few weeks noone does anything, while Cersei plans the destruction of Targaryen forces. Daenerys takes a vacation to Essos, allegedly to deal with some made-up trouble, and Varys makes sure Cersei knows about that.

- Yara captures the Iron Islands, and Euron goes there to deal with her. Cersei lets him go, since she thinks she has time. Dornish attack him from back and Yara kills him herself.

- Bronn still comes North to murder Jaime and Tyrion, and they also offer him The Reach. However, they also ask him for something else - to go kill Cersei. Bronn obviously doesn’t want to risk his life for them, especially not by going against The Mountain, so The Hound offers himself to protect him, “to die for greater good when this c***t doesn’t want to”.

- Notherners pretend Bronn has been successful and maybe even have a fake funeral for Jaime and Tyrion. Bronn comes to King’s Landing as a Cersei’s man and meets up with her, bringing masked Sandor with him, claiming he’s the sort of man she might need. Cersei, desperate for some reliable lackeys, meets up with both of them, and they off both her and The Mountain.

- Ellaria Sand, as well as other prisoners, are given freedom, but Ellaria completely lost her mind in the meantime, which pisses off Daenerys, but people responsible for that are already dead, so there’s nothing she can do. Something happens to Quiburn, I don’t know what because I don’t give a shit about Quiburn. Maybe he survives and later tries with Dany to hatch eggs Drogon later lays? That would be cool. Golden Company just kind of fucks off? There’s noone to pay them and nothing to do, so I can’t imagine what they would do.

- Jon and Daenerys decide to get married after Sansa (of course, Jon still tells her) threatens to spill the beans, but their relationship has been soured ever since, so it’s just a political match, at least at first. Jon becomes Jon Aegon Targaryen, but everyone calls him just King Jon. Daenerys eventually has to return to Essos temporarily and will probably swing between continents for the rest of her life. In the meantime, Westeros is in the hands of Jon&co.

- I don’t know whether Jon would get over the incest thing, let alone whether this relationship would work in the long run. I guess so - these two just have a lot in common. At any rate, this would be a boring marriage, because Jon is overall a boring guy. Also, Daenerys has a baby. It’s a girl named Visenya (for Viserion). Yes, only one, because only one of her dragons has died. Maybe she decides to sacrifice one of her dragons for an heir? There’s a lot of story potential here, along with the future of dragons! At any rate, Ghost lives in capital with Jon, but if he wasn’t doing well down south, Sansa would take care of him as her new direwolf.

- At any rate, Jon is officially a Targaryen, but loves his Stark relatives and still calls them brother and sisters.

- Westeros is a complete mess after all those wars, anarchy and thugs everywhere. So the criminality has to be dealt with and it’s gonna be a lot of work.

- Stormlands are being ripped apart by power-hungry local lords, because their liege lord was long gone and Cersei had other things to worry about. Gendry is thus legitimised by Jon and given the title of lord of the Stormlands. Because he knows nothing about ruling, Jon sends Davos to mentor him and take care of the lords and various outlaws.

- The North is ruled by Sansa, obviously. She later fall in love with and marries Tyrion, but they only spend together a part of year, because he is in the Small Council and helps Jon rule. Jon seeks her advice a lot and when Daenerys returns, she has to admit Sansa is pretty good when it comes to administrative and court politics (especially since Daenerys considers the normal administrative stuff boring and focuses on big things). The two have kind of a frenemy relationship and work together for the good of the realm as The Queen In The North (a nickname, not an offical title) and The Dragon Queen, with King Jon as a peacemaker in case of a conflict. The North isn’t independent, but gets more authonomy than other lands, because they were the ones who had to fight the white walkers. Sansa and Tyrion have many children, who officially take their father’s name, but are so thoroughly northern people start to call them Lannistarks, which eventually sticks so much it becomes the official family name. They get a new sigil, probably something with a direwolf and lion.

- Arya Stark dates Gendry for several months, but when he is made the lord of Stormlands and asks her to come there with him, with the obvious implication of getting married there, she gets cold feet and with embarks on a journey with a few other people (Yara? They’d surely be besties. Tormund and wildlings? Maybe.) to the lands beyond former Wall, where they would explore whether Lands Of Always Winter are still there, what is the climate and wildlife situation there and most importantly, whether there is anything new to learn about the white walkers, since Jon is haunted by a possibility they might not be completely gone (since they are so mysterious and all). Bran helps them with all that exploration, warging into animals and going into past. In the end, she returns and decides she’s quite ready to settle, having seen and experienced in twenty years more than other people do in life, and marries Gendry, but doesn’t become a typical lady and still fights, helping her husband deal with outlaws and being sent by Jon on all sorts of secret missions.

- Jaime and Brienne get married and he becomes a stay-home dad, also taking care of the administrative in Westerlands and Tarth, while she is off being a knight. (I think Jaime’s old enough for retirement. Give him a break.)

- Varys stays Varys and is very smart and very useful as a spymaster, do you hear me D&D?! After he dies, his considerable wealth is given to the poor, probably trough some kind of charity organization.

- Missandei and Grey Worm stay in Essos and rule the cities in Daenerys’ absence. Missandei eventually earns considerable respect after dealing with all sorts of trouble and is treated as a second queen. She decides to not retire, unless Grey Worm dies (and maybe not even after that, because her queen needs her? IDK), since if she returned to Naath, she would have to leave him. You see, you can’t stay on Naath for long, because foreigners tend to get this illness called butterfly fever, and since Grey Worm isn’t from Naath... She visits the island several times, tho.

- The Unsullied generally serve untill they reach a certain age, then they are given lands and pension. Some of their training techniques are incorporated into a training regime for a new, elite unit, but most of them are deemed too brutal to be continued and so they just quietly die off.

- Dothraki divide into two groups - one returns to Essos, the other stays with their Khaleesi in Westeros and live of horse herding and breeding the way others might of cattle. They settle mostly in the Reach, because grass.

- It turns out Daenerys “breaking the wheel” meant breaking the cycle of the civil war by weakening the power of great houses and returning stability to Westeros (also end of hereditary monarchy and succession of the most worthy, like choosing your heir trough a testament or something never lead to civil war; that didn’t work anyway). One way was to modify administrative system, so that it’s more in control of chosen civil servants not belonging to any fraction. It’s not a democracy, but it’s a honest attempt to do better. Of course, after a few generations, civil war broke out again anyway, because some things never change, but the new system is still more egalitarian and generally an improvement.

- At any rate, the ending is happy for everyone involved and not bittersweet at all, but only in comparison with what they’ve already come trough; otherwise rebuilding the ruined nation is a difficult and somewhere down the line, they can always fail...

[hotcopboyfriend]

Ancient Roman Empire AU that nobody asked for (and I’m probably not gonna write)

So I currently have (*counts on fingers*) f...five? fics on the go. Plus a bunch of RPs that are on hiatus for the season. But apparently I need to add one more universe to my little collection which I will one day post. I’m a slow writer lol. 

Sticking it under the cut cuz it’s LONG. 

Reign of the Primes within the time-period of this Universe (to allude to the reigns of Titus to Hadrian):

Nominus Prime -- 2 vorn Sentinel Prime -- 15 vorn Zeta Prime -- 2 vorn Optimus Prime -- 19 vorn Rodimus Prime -- 21 vorn

Praxus was conquered under the reign of Nominus Prime, and secured under Sentinel Prime. Slaves brought back to Iacon included Prowl, Bluestreak, and possibly Smokescreen. 

Prowl, a cold-constructed strategist with allegedly magical properties (in that his processor overheats from the massive amounts of calculations performed at such a high speed and accuracy, causing cascading failures, which crashes his processor... like a seizure, which was seen as Prophetic in nature) was captured and presented before the General of the Iaconian Army. 

He was the “secret weapon” of Petrex’s elite forces, and once taken out of the picture, Iacon was able to take the city. Using Prowl against his will, they were then able to sack the rest of Praxus and return victorious. 

Prowl was claimed by the Prime as Personal Strategist/Oracle and eventually grew to accept his lot in life while wondering the fate of his Praxian Brothers. 

Bluestreak was sold to a merchant to be trained as his assistant. Not sure about the fate of Smokescreen yet, whether he was even IN Praxus during the siege.

Orion Pax was a quiet, thoughtful Patrician scholar and priest. He was a mech of Primus, and despite his status, he was compassionate and politically aware. He would often sneak out in plain paint to the oil houses, curious about what was happening among the Plebeians of his city. 

Megatron was a former miner-slave from Tarn who’d earned his freedom, but decided to pursue a career as a Free Mech in Gladiatorial Combat. He was an incredibly popular combatant, playing the part of the Brute Tarnish Criminal-Cum-Fighter flawlessly. In his off-time, Megatron wrote poetry about daily life and radical sociopolitical ideas under the pen-name Calvo... which eventually found its way into the hands of Orion Pax. 

Megatron trained with slaves Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, artisan and merchant (respectively), and twin brothers. They played Kaonite Barbarians in Gladiatorial combat, and were also hugely popular with the people. The Twins were from ...idk Tyger Pax? Not Kaon, because they Kaonites were essentially the Picts and they were resisting the Empire something Fierce. 

Ironhide was a freed slave who eventually became a Plebeian citizen; originally from Tyger Pax. He was a retired Gladiator, and worked for a time as a Bodyguard for members of the Patrician class. As he grew older, he spent more time at the peaceful temple of Primus (even though Mortilus would have been his calling, lbr) where he met Orion Pax and became good friends with the mech. 

Impactor was still a miner in Tarn when Megatron left for Iacon. Megs keeps an optic out for his old friend, since they agreed to reunite in Iacon if Impactor survived. 

Starscream was a Prince from Vos with close ties to the Iaconian Senate. Incredibly wealthy, with eyes on toppling the Iaconian Empire and installing himself as Emperor of Iacon and Vos (In Perpetuity). He catches wind of a potential Plebeian revolt and plots how to use this to his advantage to install himself in the seat of power. 

Skywarp is Starscream’s nephew. An Elite “Dignitary” from Vos, he doesn’t give a flying frag about political stuff... if he were honest with himself, he’s only interested in the extravagant parties that Starscream and his cohort throw, living in the lap of luxury. 

Thundercracker is also Starscream’s nephew acting as a Dignitary from Vos. He’s also not interested in Starscream’s schemes and would rather be writing Vosian poetry and hanging around the Forums. 

Soundwave was the first Plebeian citizen to become Senator, and maintains his firm standing as a Senator For the People. He has two young sons, Rumble and Frenzy, and is a fair master to several household slaves. 

Jazz was... a conundrum. Nobody really knew who Jazz was or what his social status was. His name wasn’t on the list of Citizens, but Jazz wasn’t even his real name. His accent indicated that he wasn’t from Iacon originally, but he’d been in the city, rubbing elbows with everyone from the Prime down to the lowest Slave for so long that everyone knew Jazz in some form or another. 

Jazz met Prowl after finding him in the midst of a crash and staying until Jazz was certain that Prowl was functioning properly. Jazz made certain to visit Prowl regularly after learning Prowl’s story, and kept a lookout for Bluestreak while out and about in Iacon. 

Eventually, Jazz caught wind of Bluestreak’s existence while perusing the market, and found the young mech happily working one of the stalls. Upon talking (and listening) to Bluestreak, Jazz put two and two together and informed Bluestreak that he’d found Blue’s kin. 

Bluestreak and Prowl wouldn’t be able to reunite for a while, but they would be able to send secret letters to each other through Jazz. Or perhaps hold comfort that they’re both alive and well... Maybe Jazz can sneak a covert meeting. 

Anyway, it’s a start... you see where this is going though? I might actually pencil in a real plot and--- oh no I’m......... gonna write this, aren’t I?

Prowl: Slave. Prime’s Personal Strategist/Oracle.  Bluestreak: Slave. Merchant’s assistant.  Orion Pax: Patrician. Disillusioned scholar, priest of Primus Megatron: Free Mech. Gladiator, poet, revolutionary.  Sunstreaker: Slave. Gladiator, former artisan.  Sideswipe: Slave. Gladiator, former merchant.  Ironhide: Freed Citizen. Retired Gladiator and bodyguard.  Impactor: Slave. Miner, still in Tarn as far as anyone knows.  Starscream: Foreign Prince; Elite from Vos. Dignitary.  Skywarp: Foreign Dignitary from Vos. Starscream’s nephew.  Thundercracker: Foreign Dignitary from Vos. Starscream’s other nephew.  Soundwave: Plebeian Citizen. First Plebeian Senator; well liked by the people. Jazz: Not His Real Name. Probably a Citizen, but nobody actually knows. 

[the-irish-mayhem]

Oooooooooooh, you have some sw fic outlines. Please, please tell me! I'd love to know.

Oh jeebus. I have a lot of them. While I was reading over these again/condensing for purposes of the ask, I realized the reason I probably haven’t finished any of them is because they’re all so plot-heavy and god knows when I start writing something with plot it’s gonna end up AT LEAST 20k.

I put this under a cut because it got long and apparently I am having lots of Star Wars feelings tonight and because I love you anon :D

A) There was the one Clone Wars-era fic where I literally created an entire race of aliens inhabiting a small planet not unlike Hoth and their entire culture was based off of ice carving. Like, they had massive ice cities and ice sculptures and stuff and there were whole celebrations and coming-of-age ceremonies related to ice carving, and even the prefixes of their names had to do with their specific family tradition of carving/where they were from because that influences their style of carving. for some godforsaken reason the separatists hone in and start terraforming the place to be warmer/melt the ice (I say ‘for some godforsaken reason’ but the actual reason is because in its liquid form, this ice isn’t water, it’s some sort of valuable starship fuel [this gives the ice unique properties, and figures into carving traditions, and makes it more hardy than normal ice]) and even though this is one of the good ol Neutral Systems, the Republic gets word of this and is like ‘well shit, we can’t let the Seps get all that fuel’ and Padmé Amidala is sent as a diplomatic emissary (partly because her coalition fought for it, but also because in the back of her mind she knows what it’s like to have your peaceful planet invaded by those who want to exploit it and so she packs like her whole arsenal of blasters because she may be a pacifist in theory, but she’s also fucking pissed.) Padmé also sees an opportunity when the Senate requests she accept Jedi protection on this mission, and she humbly suggests Jedi Knight Skywalker and Padawan Tano accompany her, because they have worked together in the past and will mesh more smoothly with her own security. Cue the shenanigans, with Anakin and Padmé poorly concealing their relationship from Ahsoka, political trickery and corruption, fighting Separatists, aggressive negotiations, and the Republic wins the day.

B) With his padawan gone and his legion falling apart in the waning months of the Clone Wars, Anakin Skywalker wonders what will come after. Or, the Chosen One ponders peacetime. Set post-Fives’ death. (A look at how Anakin feels about losing the people he trusts the most. He 100% has a conversation with Rex about it. Address the “nightmares” Fives mentioned. Talk about clones as “property” and what will come after. Bonding over it.) first line: Fives’ last words stick in Anakin’s head like an itch he can’t scratch. It’s a flutter, a prod in the Force that he can’t understand. (also like. yo. if this turned into a multichapter, imagine Anakin and Rex prodding at this issue and the plot starts to unravel and after like 8 chapters of misdirections Anakin realizes the Chancellor is behind this and yo. YOO.)

C) Fives shoots the probe droid off his back. Everything changes. I have a lot of feelings about this Clone Wars episode cLeArLy and also come on Fives isn’t a shiny he’d KNOW he was being followed. Anakin and Rex are drawn into Fives’ investigation. Anakin is leery, but in the end, much like the previous fic, they unravel the web and everybody lives! (or at least most of them do)

D) Anakin and Obi-wan crash land on a Separatist-occupied planet. Anakin is severely injured because no one can ever legally say I don’t love Anakin-whump, and Obi-wan mother-hens and is trying to keep this idiot alive and it’s part survival, part thriller (because they gotta avoid the Separatists and keep it way on the DL that they’re Jedi), and lots of whump. Ideally, this fic ends in a catharsis moment that, down the line, will lead to Anakin NOT falling to the Dark Side, but I DIGRESS.

E) So, there comes a Breaking Point™ and Anakin leaves the Jedi Order, and Padmé leaves the Senate. Maybe the kids came early, and it just became ardently clear to both of them that Luke and Leia were their priority, and they both just dip outta Courascant and fuck off to Naboo to live happily ever after….kinda. They both love their kids, but they both feel guilty for leaving. (Oh, and Aunt Ahsoka comes to visit, because she left the Order and she and Anakin stayed in touch and it gave him another person who wasn’t Palpy to lean on outside the Order. Uncle Obi-wan also drops in from time to time, when he’s on leave.) So yeah, they both feel guilty, Padmé still teleconferences with Bail and Mon, consults on bills and proposals; Anakin still offers advice to Obi-wan, battle plans (and here Obi-wan would laugh because Anakin when do you ever stick to a plan.) and they both generally just keep up with what’s happening in the Republic because they’re SO DESPERATE to know that everything would be fine without them. And then it becomes very VERY evident that things are NOT all right when Palpatine moves forward with his plans, executes Order 66, and shit is just CHAOS. Idk if he like…. sends some people for Luke and Leia on Naboo, because in this outline I hadn’t decided how much he knows about their departures from their positions/their marriage/the twins, but anyway when he declares himself Emperor and the Jedi have been nearly wiped out, Anakin and Padmé know they can’t just sit idly by. So they both become Rebel leaders, building the Rebellion to what we know it as in A New Hope. Anakin, Obi-wan, and Ahsoka all try to suss out where the surviving Jedi are, all while evading Palpy’s Sith agents. It’s clear Palpatine still wants to turn Anakin. Padmé runs things politically along with Bail and Mon’s help, building a galactic support network. The twins are brought up on Rebel bases, learning the ways of the Jedi from all the survivors, not just a single master. (Though, if they were to get particular about it, Leia is Ahsoka’s padawan, and Luke is Obi-wan’s. The latter was accepted with some grumbling One Skywalker was enough for several lifetimes but changing his tune when Luke turns out a lot more like Padmé than Anakin.) They don’t ever plan on having more kids–life in the Rebellion is stressful and not to mention dangerous, but as these things go, there’s a whoops and there’s now a third Skywalker child when Luke and Leia are in their mid-teens. Boy or girl, I’m not sure. If it’s a boy, they name him Jinn Skywalker (because tbt to that fake vision Vader had in Lost Command) and if it’s a girl? I don’t know. I don’t think it would be Shmi. Padmé 1000000% suggests it, but Anakin says he doesn’t think so. Anyway. Lots of spying and battling and military-ing and propaganda-ing and politicking and lightsaber dueling and Rebels winning later, the Empire is defeated! (Probably after a hella intense battle between Anakin and Palpatine, or his Apprentice of the Week, and Luke and/or Leia have to be there to help him and ground him maybe? Don’t know for sure but it would be TENSE.) Luke and Leia are in their early twenties, Jinn/not-Shmi is ten-ish? Timelines. But they did it! They beat the Empire!

F) This one is sparse, but like…. what if Cleigg freed Shmi and Anakin before Padmé and company found them? Or they just don’t find them until Anakin is a moody teenager, but now with Better Emotional Control because he wasn’t raised a Jedi, and has a loving family? So basically he kind of teaches himself how to use the Force, because he literally has such an intense unconscious connection to it. Eventually Someone Comes™ but I don’t know who this would be or what their reason would be, but I mostly wanted a reason for Owen to be Salty™ that Anakin left the farm. Because in this fic they would be proper brothers, ok. Also, Anakin wins a shit ton of pod-races and becomes semi-famous on Tatooine for being the only human to win not only one race, but a fuckin BUNCH.

G) Your classic Anakin-Gets-Thrown-Forward-In-Time

H) Your classic Luke and Leia-Get-Thrown-Back-In-Time

G) Not sure if this counts, but there’s like…….a massive Star Wars/Avengers Fusion AU that I’ve got going on. I’ve written like… thousands of words for it. Steve is a Jedi, trained by Jedi Master Peggy Carter. His best friend, former Padawan Bucky Barnes fell to the Dark Side after being captured by an enemy (either Separatists or Empire, but I’m thinking Separatists), but Steve still believes that Bucky can be saved/doesn’t believe his falling was purposeful. Cue Jedi rhetoric about falling to the Dark Side, and Steve goes rogue and tracks down Natasha Romanoff, a former Jedi-turned-Sith assassin-turned-bounty hunter whose wise-cracking, flyboy partner goes by the name Hawkeye and is allegedly the best shot in the galaxy. Nick Fury is Mace Windu but with an eyepatch and more justice given to his story. Thor is the prince of some rich planet in the Core (or maybe Mandalore) who was found to be extremely Force-sensitive as an infant, but his powerful family covered it up in his medical records so he wouldn’t be noticed by the Jedi. Jane Foster is a Jedi healer who kind of finds him out.

These are just the ones I have google docs for; this isn’t even counting all the notebooks that definitely have plot-bunnies written in them.

[asianjeremyheere]

happy one month anniversary to the bmc obcr!!! to celebrate, im gonna put my track-by-track commentary under the cut and split into two parts (act 2 here) because god it got so long and i am. very sorry. read at ur own risk. and it really is just rambling commentary because i had a gdoc out and the whole soundtrack playing, alternating obcr and ocr tracks SO! tada! act 1!

JEREMY'S THEME

Okay the orchestrations are great on both BUT I do prefer how much more sudden the end is on the ocr? Obcr Jeremy's theme kind of has that echoey quality at the end and I'm pretty sure it's just a recording thing but. Recording-wise I do kind of prefer the ocr. That said, I don't listen to Jeremy's theme THAT much.

MORE THAN SURVIVE

90% of this is going to be me preferring the obcr and this is no exception BUT I do like the ocr tempo a little more? It's faster and feels like it captures the whole day-at-school rush a little better, which works in most of the song except during the "Christiiiiine" portions because those are absolutely KILLER when they're a little slower. They sound more romantic, in a way?? Like it goes from Jeremy seeing her, a girl whom he likes and wants to point out to Michawl, to Jeremy seeing her and being totally enraptured/distracted by her, hence the slower/more drawn out Christiiiiine's working in its favor. Also would have like Michael's verse to be faster? I've always imagined him to be, like. A fast talker. I don't really care about how much George changed his voice for it, I just wish it was faster. But overall, I like it better on the obcr because Will R is waaay more emotive and I'm in love with his falsetto and his runs.

I LOVE PLAY REHEARSAL

I know I said I was terrible at recognizing tempo but ILPR feels so fast on the ocr??? Anyway I like the obcr version better and Stephanie is adorable in both but MORE so in the obcr. Her inflections have so much more character and she paints a much clearer picture of Christine as a whole just in that one song. ALSO the added dialogue!!!! Love that. It's also got a less consistent tempo (I think????) which works for a song like this and a character like Christine

MORE THAN SURVIVE REPRISE

This isnt on the ocr but it was in the original show and I got it stuck in my head all the fucking time so I'm just glad it got recorded!! I don't have a Two River audio on hand rn but I like the bway version better anyway because Will R is, again, more emotive and I think it works better with this specific iteration of Jeremy anyways? Like. His whole character is sadder so this song fits a little better.

THE SQUIP SONG

Ngl I can't really tell the difference between the two but Gerard's voice has only had time to improve (I hope? He seems to do a lot of stuff when he's not doing a show and I wonder if he's like. Taking care of his voice. I hope so?) and I love the new glitchy stuff at the end. But like rip the "picture this" verse :( I think I just. Like them both pretty equally??

TWO PLAYER GAME

Obcr babey!!! I like the way a bunch of the instruments cut out and it's just the 8-bit stuff right at the start? That's fun as fuck. Also Will R's "ah! gah!" noises are 💜💙💜❤💖💙🧡💙. The orchestrations in the obcr are also just. God tier. And the tech-y fade out sound at the end is one of my favorite things. Also George's voice is the same pitch but he sounds younger in the obcr and that's not good or bad because he still sounds convincing enough to be a high school either way.

THE SQUIP ENTERS

Okay I like the obcr for this better too just because there's more in it. It isn't just Jeremy screaming for a minute and a half, they also added the dialogue which makes it better. I don't actually really like this song as much on the ocr just because I did. Not enjoy listening to a song that was basically just screaming? It's too loud and I was always worried about people hearing it through my headphones skdjks. The obcr version isn't much better screaming-wise but I can't just straight up skip it anymore because there's stuff at the end. Plus they have a bigger budget for effects and the transition from the startup-Squip voice to Jason Tam's voice where they're doubled up? God. I love him.

BE MORE CHILL, PT. 1

Obcr wins this just for the 'outdated' riff alone. Also, Jeremy sounds more intimidated/impressionable?? WPC Jeremy doesn't sound scared of the Squip/sounds borderline rebellious right off the bat, which is weird considering EWM is allegedly the 'more evil one' 🤔🤔🤔🤔. Plus I think the obcr has more harmonies and Will R's comedic timing during the Squip Tango is spot-on. AND KATLYN!! Yeah. Love her. She's so much more intense in the obcr and it works for Chloe??? She just sounds more passive in the ocr. That said, Jason should have sung more because his voice…… pwetty

DO YOU WANNA RIDE

The obcr ending has my heart…. the pinkberry riff….. the giggle and "au revoir"........ I am in love with Brooke Lohst. I don't really mind that it's slower either? But I can't hear the trombone shot notes as well on the obcr and that makes me sad :( Charlie Rosen ur orchestrations are gold but dont drown out the trombone that was my favorite part of ocr dywr!!!!!

BE MORE CHILL, PT. 2

Jason Tam's Squip voice is good you guys are just mean and don't understand nuance!!!!!!! I love the obcr version of this because a) Jason!!!!!! b) Will!!!!!!!! and c) Tiffany's high note at the end!!!!!!!!! Also the gong!!!!!

For real though? Will R. is much more expressive in the repeat-after-me section and Jason Tam's cooler, more laid-back tone works. I'm more inclined to trust that he can actually help me because he sounds more guiding than demanding and I, personally, don't respond well to people exercising their authority over me! I do much better when things are phrased like "I'm going to help you! Here are some suggestions. Do them. Look, it's working!" vs "Do what I say, it's the only way you'll succeed" and to have the Squip start out sounding more like the former before getting more outwardly controlling works better and makes more sense imo!

MORE THAN SURVIVE REPRISE/SYNC UP

Okay I can't really compare these two because they're totally different songs at this point but I love Sync Up and I can compare that end portion because it's the same! 'Head to play rehearsal' > 'drama practice' because it's not a huge difference but he's parroting Christine's terminology and it shows that he's listening to her, which Mr. Will Roland himself said was a huge part of Jeremy's journey! (Learning to listen.) Also, Will R just sounds more eager and excited to actually be included? Will C just sounds like he's relieved that he's not being shoved around. Will R!Jeremy sounds more excited in general, even at the beginning before he gets shocked. And then his “ghughgh” noise. Mood, Will. The Squip at this part is kind of. Hmm. I don’t really like it in the recorder version ngl but I know Jason talked about like. Struggling a little more to get into the Squip mindset during the recording process because the costumes are so integral to his characterization and he didn’t have said costumes for the obcr recording so I’ll give him a pass. It doesn’t faze me as much in audios so??? Jason Tam u get a pass.

A GUY THAT I'D KINDA BE INTO

The obcr recorders make me ❤💗💖💕💖💕💙💘🧡💘🧡❤💕❤💕💙💜💖❤!!!! Also I prefer the new ending where she goes "Who kneeeeeeeeeew?" and how surprised/thrilled Will R!Jeremy sounds when he says "Is she talking about me?" but like…. Jason Tam, I will defend your Squip voice to my dying day but why did you have to say "pheromones" like that. Okay also I'm listening to each song's versions back-to-back and the tempo changes keep throwing me off. But I do appreciate the lack of clapping in the ocr.

THE SQUIP LURKS/THE SQUIP STALKS

Obcr wins because its an instrumental and I love the bway instrumental. Also, it's longer and spookier. Thank you, Charlie Rosen. You deserved a Tony nom for this shit.

UPGRADE

I'm gonna say right off the bat that I love obcr Upgrade so much because of the additional depth given to Brooke and Jake, and I love the new ending because like woah chills. That's all. It's not a disclaimer or anything, I just love it. Also, Stephanie's "oh wow"? Cute as fuck!!! Britton's voice??? God tier!!!!!! Brooke's french at the start and the way Lauren's voice breaks on "I just want someone to see me first"??? God!!!!!!!! Tiffany coming in by herself before everyone else joins in during that layered section??? I am deceased. I love trying to pick out every individual person's voice in that section. Usually Gerard, Lauren, and Will are easiest for me to pinpoint? Idk. Ocr Upgrade still fucking slaps though. Steph's "oh wow" is a little more underwhelming but I'm like. In love with the tempo right before the "Christiiiine"s? Also uhhh wish they'd included Jeremy and Michael's conversation somewhere in the obcr.

LOSER GEEK WHATEVER

I love LGW and I'll stand by this forever. I'm gonna compare this to the end of ocr Upgrade because that's technically where it goes and I think it does a better job of showing Jeremy's motivations and his worries about taking the Squip! Also it makes sense story-wise that he would take time to slow it down and think/process considering he just…. asked the Squip for time to process….. but like the original ending is still a bop and it's super good for like. Hyping urself up. I just think LGW does better for Jeremy's character and it's a good song!!! It sums up a lot of what I feel/the ways I relate to Jeremy, too, so it's. Emotional hearing it in audios skdjsj but not as much with the recording anymore!!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Ok, I don’t think it’s much of a spoiler to say that every Jurassic Park movie basically boils down to this:

1. Hey, there’s dinosaurs! 2. Oh shit, those dinosaurs are not where they are supposed to be!

So this will be a spoiler-lite review, but I mean, c’mon. Look at that gif. You know what you’re signing up for here.

SO! A few years have passed since the events of Jurassic World, you know, when the dinosaurs were in a theme park called Jurassic World and then they were not where they were supposed to be, etc etc. Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) is running a nonprofit save-the-dinos type organization and Owen (Chris Pratt) is just like building a cabin in the middle of nowhere? Idk I guess raptor wrangling pays enough for a sweet retirement. Then John Hammond’s former business partner (James Cromwell) sends his emissary (Rafe Spall) to enlist Claire to help them kinda sorta illegally sneak the dinosaurs off Isla Nublar before a volcano blows up the island and kills them all. Oh, and they want Owen because he’s the only one who could possibly get close enough to Blue, his lil bby raptor buddy, to help them capture her. BUT IT’S ALL A DOUBLE CROSS because they don’t want to save the dinosaurs...they want to sell them to the highest bidder. Because, children, the real enemy is and always has been capitalism. So Rafe Spall brings them all back to James Cromwell’s house in northern California and like. Can u guess what happens. I bet you can.

Let’s be real - just because there are dinosaurs doesn’t mean this is a kingdom worth visiting (looking at you, Jurassic Park III). So where does this one fall in the dinosaur spectrum? Well...

A worthy, if slightly uneven, successor to its predecessors, made more charming due to the many sweet and subtle homages to the previous films. The script could use some work for sure, but the action setpieces are some of the most inspired I’ve seen in awhile, and the film attempts to wrestle with some pretty big philosophy in a much more active and engaged way than any of the previous movies save the first one.

Some thoughts:

Once the dinosaurs get to the northern California estate, the movie becomes an entirely different animal. The estate is sprawling, Gothic, and of course, it’s pouring down rain the entire time. As such, we enter into a sort of bizarre Gothic horror story, in which the good spirits/dinosaurs (Blue, that cute herbivore that just wants to bash things with his head) are trying to help people or warn people against the dangers of the bad spirits/dinosaurs (the Indoraptor). Seriously, you watch the scene where the Indoraptor reaches out and just brushes Maizie’s ponytail, and tell me that’s not some straight up ghost story shit. The sequence in which the Indoraptor climbs the roof and comes through Maizie’s window is some of the most terrifying footage I’ve ever seen - it’s a choice that works really, really well here, and injects some fresh life into a franchise in which pretty much the only thing that changes is the setting where the dinosaurs aren’t supposed to be.

James Cromwell is supposed to be British in this ALLEGEDLY but I’m not sure anyone told him. Godawful accent. Just godawful.

So the homages are many, and they’re beautiful - everything from a dinosaur walking on glass and the glass cracking slowly (Lost World);  Old Lady T Rex (OLTR) waking up from a tranquilizer and seeing her eye open and her pupil resize; the goat used to lure OLTR into her cage; the brachiosaurus being the first dinosaur Zia ever saw in person; Blue taking on the role of OLTR and coming in to save the day and attack the Indoraptor, allowing the humans to get away; turning the lights back on one at a time, pitting our heroes closer to sudden death via electrocution/Indoraptor. There are many, and they are subtle enough to feel authentic rather than pandering. As if this movie were built on the foundations of what came before rather than shining a spotlight on them and saying SEE DO YOU GET IT DO YOU REMEMBER THAT TIME THAT HAPPENED BEFORE? YOU GET IT, WE ALL GET IT, GOOD JOB EVERYBODY.

Toby Jones, have you ever played anything but a smarmy little creep? I feel so bad for you, I’m sure you’re very nice in person.

I did not sign up for mass dinosaur death by volcano - I thought this was going to be a rescue mission - and frankly, if I wanted to cry this much about dinosaurs, I would have watched The Land Before Time.

Daniella Pineda plays Zia Rodriguez, a paleoveterinarian who steals every scene she’s in. Love more women in STEM depicted onscreen, love more WOC in our main cast, hate that they cut out the fact her character was a lesbian “for time.” LET YOUR CHARACTERS BE QUEER, YOU CHICKENSHIT ASSHOLES, IT’S REALLY NOT THAT HARD.

Love America’s Next Top Daddy Jeff Goldblum chilling in a courtroom testifying how the entire idea of Jurassic Park was a bad idea and the idea of saving those dinosaurs is also a bad idea and that humans should maybe stop doing things just because they could rather than because they should. Why doesn’t everyone listen to Jeff Goldblum???

Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs (Ted Levine) plays Wheatley, a colonel type who’s in charge of getting the dinosaurs from Isla Nublar to California, and it took me 10 minutes to figure out it was Buffalo Bill, and then I couldn’t stop thinking “Holy shit, Buffalo Bill is gonna get eaten by that dinosaur.” This is because he collects teeth from each of the different dinosaur species to make a necklace for himself. You know, like a serial killer. Talk about typecasting.

The other thing this movie does that feels a tad surreal is slip in some political jabs, like when Buffalo Bill calls Zia a “nasty woman.” I also couldn’t help but notice that even the evil dinosaur mercenaries were allowing the baby triceratops to remain with its mother in the containment facility. When evil dinosaur mercenaries who are selling unbridled killing machines to Russia for $48 million dollars have a more compassionate policy towards creatures crossing the border than you do, you might want to pass some new legislation.

There’s a lot going on here. The central question of “what do you do with living creatures who are this dangerous” is a good one, and one that deserves to be explored. You can’t put the genie back in the bottle, it’s true, so at this point, the purpose of these movies seems to be to remind people that we should wield science and technology very carefully, lest we create our own inevitable downfall. That we have 5 of these movies repeating this very same message over and over again just proves how desperately our dumb, lumbering species needs the lesson.

[blyanten]

THE DUCK AVENGER PK2: #16 SOLDIERS OF FORTUNE

After the previous issue, which gave answers to several of the questions driving this story arc, gave brand new insight to the Ducklair family, set up a very personal enemy, kickstarted the final arc of this story and possibly changed the relationship between various characters forever, this issue, wait for it… ignores all of that for shenanigans in space!

AKA “Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for this issue to go here?”

Angus tries to steal Everett’s parking spot, and Everett’s driver shoves his car out of the way. With his own car. This motivates Angus to try and dig up some dirt on Everett, but that’s interrupted by weird noises and a small earthquake coming from above.

It’s a spaceship. Right above Ducklair Tower.

Everett, who should be kind of paranoid about that sort of thing, haven’t noticed, because his office is isolated from external influences. Brilliant idea, clearly. When Birgit tells him, he goes and activates some hidden security measures, just in case. The ship doesn’t look Coronian, but you never know.

Angus, having found himself a spot on the sidewalk, starts reporting, wondering if they’ve finally discovered Everett’s secrets. So close! And yet, no.

At home, Donald catches Angus’s broadcast, and immediately recognizes the spaceship. It’s Lady Elenthari. From all the way back to PKNA #27, Mastiffs of the Universe.

The Duck Avenger goes to investigate, causing a fight between Angus, who wants to blame it on Everett, and Geena Onair, who wants to blame it on the Avenger.

The Avenger goes inside Elenthari, which then takes off again, and is greeted by sergeant Q’Wykenon. Remember the robot?

Turns out Neopard isn’t there. 

Maybe be a bit careful about this? This guy wasn’t exactly honest last time.

He’s busy fighting a small war, which got complicated. Enough so that he’s sent for the Avenger to come help, and helpfully left a holorecording to explain everything. 

Come help, bring lots of weapons.

Unfortunately, that’s not an option, since the Avenger no longer has access to the insane number of weapons he used to. Therefore Avenger decides to stop off at Q’Wyn’s planet to get something better than the Duckmobile, before going to help Neopard.

While this is going on, Neopard is outnumbered, outgunned, but luckily, manages to find a fortified location to hide in.

Subtle.

He decides to explain the situation to the audience his robots, for some strange reason. The Cosmining Company had the place built by the omniversal Goompah Contruction Sites, and then decided that Goompha having gone over budged, allegedly, they could keep it without paying. The Goompha disagreed, and here they are.

Omniversal? That’s quite a claim.

The Avenger and Q’Wyn arrives at the right planet, called Armadha, get it, they’re greeted by a friend of Neopard, who is rather skeptical at first about this stranger on Neopard’s ship.

Also, it turns out that “Neopard” is a battle name (wow, I can’t believe this is what comes back later) and Neopard’s real name is Groft van Moor.

After the not-so friendly welcome, everyone seems to be more or less friendly. The Avenger gets invited to a drink, learning a few facts about the place. Like how the only thing they export is mercenaries, because the planet has nothing else to offer. On the bright side, living there makes you well-suited for dangerous work.

The Avenger decides it’s time to go shopping, but of course Neopard didn’t give him any cash, since this was the Avenger’s own idea. Luckily, there’s still one place to go, Darkstep Valley. 

Neopard’s friend explains the way, and the Avenger takes the Duckmobile to get there. Turns out he should have taken public transport.

How does this place not have lots of extreme sport tourists? Fire desert, ice desert, sure this must appeal to the kind of people who, IDK, climb deadly mountains or some stuff like that?

Neopard is still in trouble, and now his robots are failing.

Darkstep Valley turns out to be less a valley and more a giant mall. 

A drive-in mall.

Of weapons. Very expensive weapons. Eventually, the Avenger gets sent to Honest Kruth, so he’s about to get swindled.

Kruth’s full name turns out to be Kruth van Moor, but the Avenger doesn’t seem to notice. Kruth is happy to try and sell the Avenger various weapons, though most of them doesn’t seem very useful, but when the issue of payment comes up, he loses interest as the Avenger still can’t pay.

Until he sees the Duckmobile.

The man is nicknamed “honest”. He might as well have “do not trust” tatooed on his forehead.

It’s worth nothing, of course, except to a collector, but maybe they can make a trade. The Avenger says no, and Kruth is thrilled. Apparently, he really likes to bargain. He takes to Avenger to show him something really special, but only as long as Q’Wyn stays behind. Can’t have the robot call him out on his crap take photos of the top-secret weapon.

The Avenger agrees to the deal, because of course he does.

Neopard is still fighting, but jumps out of his battlesuit when Lady Elenthari comes in for landing.

Turns out it was a trick. 

Oh, good, they know each other.

Captain Alyoness takes him captive, and they banter a bit as the real Elenthari comes into orbit.

Girlfriend or wife?

Q’Wyn is just finishing installing a translation card, so the Avenger can understand him., in case the Avenger needs tactical advice. The Avenger doesn’t think so, after all, he made such a good deal. I swear, his IQ has dropped in this issue.

Neopard and Alyonesse are still bantering when they notice the Lady Elenthari.

Alyonesse is rather confused as to why Q’Wyn would take Elenthari down in the most fortified place on the planetoid, but Neopard brags about his brave terrestrial ally. She leaves him behind to deal with this, and he is clearly up to something, but we cut away to the Avenger before we can see what.

The Avenger, faced with a bunch of soldiers decide to unleash the superweapon.

How exactly did that get on board the ship without Q’Wyn seeing it?

It looks good, to people with no clue, but as a very frustrated Q’Wyn explains, it’s not a battlemachine, it’s a “wreckotronic dynodozer”, meant to clean up after really big disasters. The kind where you gather up the still useful stuff and demolish everything else.

On the other hand, it’s also pretty much unstoppable.

The enemy soldiers try to stop it anyway, leaving them distracted to the Avenger and Q’Wyn can go occupy the center. Thanks to the dynodozer, they don’t even have to work very hard to get it, as it destroyed the walls.

Neopard, meanwhile, has reprogrammed Alyonesse’s robots, and now they work for him. He takes her captive and claims he’s won. She disagrees and tells him to look at what the Avenger has done. Neopard does and decides it’s time to notify the clients.

Whatever it is, it’s long term.

The Avenger gets ready to set up an exchange for Neopard, but Neopard walks in and tells him that’s not necessary.

Could be.

Neopard does admit having been lying a little, but he was captured soon after for real anyway. So the Avenger did arrive just in time and thanks to him they lost.

Short version, both sides wanted the planetoid intact, but when the Avenger destroyed it, it became nothing but a waste of money to keep fighting over it. And since Neopard wasn’t defeated, but his bosses surrendered, that mean Neopard gets paid anyway. And so does Alyonesse, because she won.

What a reasonable system. We should get on this.

The Avenger thinks he should get something too, but since he doesn’t have a contract, he doesn’t get paid. He even lost the Duckmobile, so it sucks to be him.

Not as much as it could have though. Neopard might be a greedy liar, but he also values a good ally, and just so happens to be related to Honest Kruth and can make him give the Duckmobile back by threatening him with angry clan elders.  

You don’t swindle family, it just makes everyone unhappy.  

The Avenger gets the car back, and Neopard buys him a box of obsolete weapons. Obsolete to them, to the Avenger and against his Earth-based opponents,  however, they might be quite useful.  

The Avenger tells them thanks and goodbye, not wanting to hold Neopard and Alyonesse away from their next battles. They’re not overly concerned, they’re planning on taking a vacation in a five star system. The Avenger is surprised they’d go together, and Alyonesse asks what’s weird about that.

Neopard apologizes, having forgotten to inrduce them properly.

Duck Avenger, meet Lady Elenthari Lleyr Dalagh, AKA the girlfriend. Cute that Neopard named his ship after his girlfriend.

The Avenger takes off, he’s got work in the morning. He can’t resist checking out what’s in the box first though.

Century kind of explodes. It’s an old, sturdy building though, so it’s mostly the windows that suffer.

At work, Bloom seems to have finally had it with Donald not showing up for work, when Donald finally does show up.

Mostly the windows.

I don’t like this one, it relies way too much on “haha, the Avenger is dumb”, when it could have relied on “the Avenger is in completely unfamilar territory” and it really, really doesn’t belong in the qudrilogy. As a breather before that, sure, but I think the quadrilogy needed this issue to build from the previous one to the next, because this series was cancelled and had to finish up fast, right? Well, in the next two issues, for all that I like them, it kinda shows.

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 1: The Witch at the Edge of Town

Shoshana bat Chaya is having a normal morning, as much as things can be normal anymore. She’s gathered some herbs, she’s folded the laundry. The knights yesterday hadn’t been a pleasant experience, but at least they were something new. And the cats had mostly behaved.

There’s a clanking coming up the hill. Visitors, and probably armed. Shosha traps Ass-Wagon under a wicker basket (he meows indignantly, but he knows exactly why he’s in Idiot Baby Jail) and swings open the door, leaning back against the frame faux-nonchalantly. And then has to do a double take.

It’s an armored drow, and hoOOOLY shit, this lady is HUGE. Why is someone in the battered armor of a Kevan war veteran here? Apparently Shosha’s humble little spooky abode is now popular for warriors, and for an officially accursed, corrupted witch, that means it’s a matter of time – perhaps minutes – before someone decides to put her out of everyone’s misery.

Well, fuck.

The enormous drow introduces herself as Sgt. Clementine Haxan, and politely – if warily – inquires as to the whereabouts of a certain Beggar Knight, who has gone missing. Before they could get into whether “idk, he went back to town???” is a good enough alibi, more clanking from down the hill. And then an EXTREMELY SHINY person appears.

A silver dragonborn in gleaming, new, expensive armor strides up to them, bearing the crest of a chained sword over a rose upon her shield. She is only modestly adorned, which, to everyone else here, is more jewelry than anyone owns anyway. This extremely large, out-of-place, shiny person announced herself as Kyr Valeria Argent of the Order of the Rose, asked for Shoshana by name, and inquired as to the whereabouts of a certain Beggar Knight.

Before Shoshana can panic that these two Extremely Large, Well-Armed People are about to judge-jury-and-executioner her, another person comes walking up the hill. And this one…well, he does not fit the pattern. An orc in faded, once-bright motley with a well-worn sickle on his belt and a shining lute on his back. Strangest of all is the mask he wears – once, clearly, a smiling face of joy, but broken and patched together so much that the smile is now twisted and eerie. Politely, he inquires for Shoshana – in Orcish. Which she speaks. It’s all very confusing. But no, random warriors, I don’t know this guy? He just showed up? For the last time, you guys, I don’t know where Sir Balderich is- wait, that’s not what you’re here for, orc guy?

The orc, who goes by Graal Omokk’du, produces a letter sent to Duke Shieldeater’s administration. It was sent months ago and lost until now. It’s from a man named Yakov – Shoshana visibly starts at hearing the name – saying that his daughter, Shoshana, is learning the Orcish language, and he knows that translators are sorely needed between the Orcs and the Valdians. Perhaps you would offer her employment?

Shoshana is shocked that her father had done such a thing, and bitterly observes that the orcs probably won’t even want her now. By this time, all three visitors have noticed that her eyes are rather unusual – yellow-amber and slit-pupiled, like a cat’s. Her fingertips, clutching a gnarled black walking stick, are blackened as with soot.

She ushers everyone inside her house, because the social awkwardness is in Full Force and okay, mister orc man, we will talk about job opportunities in a minute but I think I’m being interrogated by the cops right now? Oh hEY. SCHMENDRICK. GET OUT OF THE LAUNDRY PILE. (meow) I JUST FOLDED THOSE. (myowww)

The overturned wicker basket joins in the grumpy meowing and is thoroughly ignored.

Kyr Valeria, walking inside, takes a moment to observe the two other cats, who are fighting over a dead bird in the front garden. They are…clearly altered, by the curse. One’s fur almost looks like porcupine spines, and the other’s tail curves into a point mildly reminiscent of a scorpion’s. Great. This lady keeps demons in her house, Valeria decides.

After they all awkwardly stand around/putter around making tea/generally wallow in confusion, someone finally mentions that the Beggar Knight was last seen heading into the forest after the Cursebreaker Knight had left along the road. Shoshana stops dead, and then curses the knight for being a gods-damned MORON.

See, yesterday the knights had asked her about this…incident…that had occurred in the woods about eight months back, where someone from the village had gotten hurt by the Curse. Wanted to know where it had happened, and had mentioned wanting to investigate. And apparently the IDIOT had gone into the forest alone to look for the damned place. With a roll of 5 to Deception, it’s suuuper obvious that there’s definitely part of the story she’s not telling. Valeria reads between the lines and puts a hand on Shoshana’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry,” she says, making the obvious connection between “bad shit in the woods” and “person who knows where the bad shit went down, and just included ‘run for your life in a random direction’ in her instructions on how to find the place.” Valeria decides, in her inner heart, that although this lady keeps demons in her house, she is Sad and therefore needs to be Protected.

And then Clem and Graal notice that there’s two feral wolfy-lookin’ dudes outside the window about to attack? Surprise round, nerds!

Clem leans out the window and immediately puts her greatsword to great use, while Graal magically insults them and also manages to nick one with his sickle. The wolfman who doesn’t have a greatsword in his torso throws a weighted net over Shoshana. Almost on instinct, she snaps out her hand, and a ghostly, clawed replica of her hand seizes him by the throat and starts doing necrotic damage. There is a bit more stabbing, Valeria nails the one who decides to flee with a trident in the back, and everybody is like, “okay, what the fuck was that.” Then, bells begin to toll – the village is sounding an alarm.

Shoshana denies any knowledge of why men corrupted by the curse would want to capture her, and then they all take off running toward the village center. It’s a mess. Civilians are fleeing into the temple, the only building made of stone. The town’s ragtag militia is fending off a force of bandits accompanied by wolves, curse-corrupted and vicious. The four protagonists manage to end the few bandits that attack them. Clem ably demonstrates her ability as a battlefield medic, but seems shaken by the howls of the wolves. Graal is very upset that any foe might interrupt his battle-singing, and briefly imbues Clem with the bravery of legendary orc ancestors. Valeria ditches her d20, which has absolutely betrayed her in this fight. Shoshana, the only one who has never seen combat before, kills her first enemy, the ghostly hand of Chill Touch clinging grimly onto an enemy archer.

As they near the Silver Spear Inn in the center of town – the place where Clem got an excellent stew this morning and where the innkeeper seems to have a personal grudge against Shoshana – a loping figure stalks out from behind a burning cart. “You fight against us? You were supposed to be our Promised One,” he growls to Shoshana, his features becoming less human and more wolf before their eyes. “You’ll never be a member of the Hunt now.”

“You think I’m your ‘Promised One,’ so you kill the people of my village? Get Fucked,” Shoshana spits back.

“I agree with the witch,” says Clem, and swings her sword.

Clem’s greatsword does no damage to the monster, who retaliates viciously. Shoshana’s magic seems to hurt it, and Valeria manages to do a bit of damage – it shrugs off her trident, but the radiant glow around it seems to repel the beast. Graal tells it that it has fleas, which it seems to find psychically hurtful. Clem dodges into the inn, realizing something vital: over the mantle in the Silver Spear Inn, there is mounted, obviously, a silvered spear. One that allegedly belonged to the owner’s ancestor in the war against the Kevan regime. And werewolves Do Not Like silver. Valeria notices that the beast shies away from the flaming cart, so Shoshana rushes forward and lets a blast of fire loose from her hands. Clem charges back out with the spear and pins the werewolf to the burning cart through its hairy chest.

With the werewolf dead, the wolves aiding the bandits look up in bewilderment, and flee the armed town militia. The bandits, realizing their wolves have left, also flee. Shoshana rushes up to the militia, who are Pretty Damn Wary of her, and worriedly begs to know who survived, are the children all right, etc. Rav Shmuel, the priest, and Herschel, the innkeeper, emerge from the temple and ask whether Shoshana had any part in this. Valeria dutifully explains that they came to Shoshana’s house and tried to capture her. There is extreme suspicion that they tried to capture, not kill, her, but everybody also did just see her set a werewolf on fire with her mind.

Meanwhile, Graal finds a bandit who was shot in the leg and unable to flee, and drags him out. Shoshana slams her staff into the ground with a magical BOOM and demands of him what the bandits’ plans were. He explains that the gangs in the forest have been wanting to take the town for a long time, and the corrupted wolf-men of the ravine had told them that there was a Promised One in the town. They were to take the town and take the Promised One – don’t kill her, but do what you have to. Otherwise, the wolf-men would eat them.

Shoshana, snarling, spits that she has no more use for the man. Valeria places a warning hand on her shoulder, which the witch shrugs off angrily but tells the man that the villagers will decide his fate, and they won’t be feeling merciful. She turns to the watching townsfolk and growls that she will go into the woods with these knights, end this threat, save the Beggar Knight, and then they will never see her again. Sound like a plan?

Rav Shmuel, clearly pained to see what has become of a girl whose diapers he changed, agrees, but offers the four adventurers sanctuary in the Temple of Rack for the night for saving the town. Herschel, the innkeeper, angrily demands why Clem has his grandfather’s spear. Clem derisively spits that maybe next time, when his town and family are under attack, Herschel won’t leave his weapon on the damn mantel while fleeing for his life. Maybe he’ll actually try to protect his town. Maybe he doesn’t deserve to get his spear back if he’s not gonna use it. It looks like it’s gonna get ugly, but Shoshana tiredly calls out to give the innkeeper back his spear. She says to the innkeeper, “Herschel. Your grandfather’s spear saved your family’s life tonight, when I could not. Again.” The situation is defused, but the innkeeper still seems furiously derisive of the witch.

Shoshana is immensely relieved to see that two small children in particular are unharmed. They ask her with wide eyes what happened, and did you really shoot fire out of your hands, and is everyone okay? Shoshana tries to reassure them, and explains that she’s going to be going with these nice knights soon so listen to your dad and stay safe – and then the kids’ older brother sharply tells them Don’t Talk To The Witch! and drags them off. They are, of course, the innkeeper’s kids.

Clem efficiently sets up a field hospital for the wounded, while Graal and Valeria escort Shoshana back to her house to grab any of her herbs, salves, and remedies that might be useful. Graal is very interested in Shoshana’s herbalism background, and then inquires whether Shoshana has ever seen hairless wolves in this region. Shoshana denies it – usually ‘round here they get bigger and hairier. Graal seems frustrated, but will not explain why. As they gather anything that could be useful, Shoshana packs a bag – no one would let her stay in the village, not after what happened tonight because of her. She will go to save this knight and kill those who threatened the village, and then this orc weirdo can take her wherever he wants.

They hole up in the church for the night after doing everything they can to help the wounded. (Valeria decides, quite firmly, that Shoshana is Not Safe alone in her out-of-the-way house, and that she’s going to Protect this sad feral cat of a woman who has clearly Known Suffering.)

Everyone is now Level 2, except for Clem, whose war experience places her at Level 3.