#also I like to watch hate-reviews of them on youtube lol & I watched an entire like 3 part summary on cres*ent city so I know everything

[dykenav]

I know I’ve reached a new low trying to entertain myself bc I just started reading a sarah j ma*s book

[stylezxsilvermoon]

mila's summer watches review list (ft...hot ass actors)

hey everyone i've been watching a hella lot of movies with hot men in it (hence the pictures) and i wanted to do a review or wrap up list, because this summer i've watched an unbelievable amount of movies and shows this summer (like may to august) so yeah why not make a list! and maybe rate some of them!

(not in chronological order at all)

hayden christensen

factory girl

shatterd glass

life as a house

virgin territory

little italy

vanishing on 7th street

awake

takers

higher ground (show)

american heist

little italy

hayden christensen faves:

i might be a bit bias (i am) (denial) but i really did semi-like everything hayden was in, although some of it was a bit weird. but my faves that you should SO WATCH is life as a house (2001) i just rewatched it for the 4th time and its just such a classic coming-of-age 2000's movie about this edgy teen that has separated parents and his dad takes him for the summer, and its just a whole thing you have to watch it.

also not to mention higher ground (show) its about these teens that are troubled and end up at a summer camp for abuse survivors and druggies and it just goes so in depth about serious topics and i just love it so much, there's a tiny bit of drama but it's not so over the top its unbelievable, and its realistic too.

tom sturridge:

the boat that rocked/ pirate radio (uk version vs us version lol)

on the road

like minds/ murderous intent

sweetbitter (show)

3 way junction

waiting for forever

effie gray

tom sturridge faves:

literally just the boat that rocked/pirate radio (2009), its so good, its about these middle aged men who start an illegal radio channel on a boat, and the godson of one of them is tom sturridge's character and it takes off from there, also set in the 60s...and made in 2009...so ehem...ya know...

but still really good! fun fact this was the first tom sturridge movie i watched and it's still my fave! also another fun fact you can literally find all of waiting for forever full movie on youtube uploaded by some random person here (not a rick roll, literally the full movie no joke)

mike faist:

(not that many since i just got into him but he still makes the list lol)

panic (show)

west side story

challengers

the atlantic city story

i can i will i did

mike faist faves:

ok so we probably all know challengers is gonna sweep right..right? yeah but actually WRONG it was panic (2021) but challengers (2024) is a close 2nd for me, the reason being i did not get it at all first watch, but i watched some movie reviews on it and watched the interviews with the cast and i actually was like wow this is deeper than i thought (mainly bc i just hated tashi the whole movie) lol blame my probably ocd high morality and anxiety that was PROBABLY flaring while watching it but its just! a character! so we can look at it from a regular standpoint

but yeah, panic just had me on the edge of my seat the ENTIRE time and it was such a good show, im sad it got cancelled but what I saw of it was SOSOSO good I'm clawing at the walls of my enclosure

and yeah to wrap this post up I just wanna say all 3 of these men are insanely talented and I'm looking forward to watching all of their movies and shows...and out of all of them in total I'd say my favorite one is probably life as a house (2001) and it just captured those summer vibes for me and it was one of the (1st? I think) movies I watched of hayden's that started this ENTIRE thing, this monstrosity of me foaming at the mouth for these fine ass men and posting about it several times lmfao

and btw moots! And ppl who I don't follow or don't follow me feel free to talk about any of these that were mentioned because they were all a joy to watch some more than others obviously

other things i watched that aren't hayden/tom/mike related:

black clover

young justice

and bro black clover (anime) is SO good literally my favorite show of 2024 if you haven't watched it you need to show-wise is my favorite rn and blows these out of the water in enjoyment but that's just bc I watched it literally since like may 2024 @blackclovershowrunners SEASON 5 NEOWWW!!!?? I DONT WANT ANOTHER DANG MOVIE I WANT SEASON 5 (take ur time tho so it's good)

also for fun, here's a poll:

[weed-ols]

Reviewing Every UKISS Release: By Unpopular Demand ~ Tick Tack + Forever (For KISS Me) + Forbidden Love

So releases from this point onward until around ~2014/15ish are constant and hectic, so I've had to deviate from my original plan a bit. I think grouping the JP singles + KR digital singles in 3s helps keep things a little less...unwieldy, and less constrained by image limits on posts.

Tick Tack - 1st JP Single | 2011.12.14

This was the PV that got accidentally leaked, right? Like they posted the full version of this instead of the short version, and that's why it was so easy to watch it on YouTube or whatever, and it was super easy to get the full audio because of it lol. I think it only took me a day or two to find a 320kbps download of it. Anyway, another pivotal moment of my tween years.

Tick Tack (Audio) | YouTube Music 5.3M | Spotify 1.11M

God that clock sound is so good

Love the entire vocal line stuffed into the first verse

Vocal troika taking the chorus love that for them

Also love stuffing everyone into the second verse

I like that the parallel with the first and third verses where the former is all the vocalists and the latter is all the rappers

SooHoon + Dongho bridge? An odd combo but very much goated

Honestly super impressed at how much this song is a team effort

Obviously Soohyun, Kevin, and Hoon have the most lines since they do the chorus, but Dongho gets a good amount with his little extra rap, and while AJ, Eli, and Kiseop get a couple lines each

And yeah sure it's a couple of lines, but they are attention-grabbing

Always appreciate a good bookend with the clock returning

Love the dramatic music, love the dramatic lyrics, it's such a good follow-up to NEVERLAND, and an insane first JP release

So lyrically, is this a reluctant breakup song? Like is this a toxic relationship that they're ending even though they're still in love?

That's a new breakup theme for them

10/10 "the perfect Japanese debut for a Kpop group doesn't exi-" wrong

Tick Tack (MV) | Short ver. 3.9M | Official upload 733k

Oh buckle in buckaroos I got a legit copy of this on my laptop AND of every JP MV right up until 2016 babyyy

And I can't remember if it was they learnt the choreo in 3 days (while promoting) or if they both learnt it in 3 days while their choreographer was still working on it

Iconic and lol their positions

Kiseop, AJ, and Eli are just kinda comfortably posing

Soohyun on his knees, Dongho chilling on the floor, and Kevin making modern art with his body lol

Also the dramatic grasping hands

Abandoned Warehouse Set #1 with an amazingly large clock

Abandoned Warehouse Set #2 + group sadboy shot

I love the black/white look with red accents super chic, but is Soohyun the only one without white? I mean fair he is the real MC of UKISS

Not Hoon being the only in a full pose

Ew Kiseop don't touch the dust/ash that's dirty

Oh his hair....it's kinda pompadour-esque. I remember thinking it was super cool back in the day, but it's kinda...tragic now lol

Still looks good though, hard for his face card to ever decline

Love the fanning out of this part, it's super cool on stages for such a simple step

Also these grey suits are gorgeous and it's 2011, so of course it's paired with combat boots

Surprised that this dance has only resulted in one instance of ripped pants

Could be more, but Hoon ripping his pants during their Best Of tour promos is peak comedy

This part is also very cool, very fun to look at

I could've sworn they wore gloves during the dance, but I guess not? They're wearing them for the dramatic solo shots though

Dongho with yet again the bowliest bowlcut to ever bowl

Another personal favourite choreo bit

It's a bit difficult to explain, but the force and purpose Soohyun uses when he slides his hand down Kiseop's back is so cool

The way he pops up kills me every time

These are the worst outfits in the video

I hate the white sleeves so much they make them look juvenile

Like I get black sleeves probably wouldn't have worked with this set since they'd get lost in the dark edges of the frame

But a dark colour would've worked, or heck even no sleeves

On the topic of outfits, not much to say about their hair that hasn't been said already

This was filmed during NEVERLAND promos I think, so their hair is fine

Kevin, Soohyun, and AJ have great hairstyles; Hoon, Eli, and Dongho are fine; Kiseop's pompadour is meh, but I really like his hair when they're in the grey suits

The fluffy hair looks really good on him, much better than the sleek look he wore for NEVERLAND

The dance battle is cute, really helps give everyone a bit more spotlight

This part? Seared into my brain

What's falling down from the ceiling? Ashes? Dust? Snow? Asbestos? We may never know

Anyway, no story, just a banger dance and brooding shots in The Box and some abandoned spaces

Oh and this isn't in the MV, obviously, but remember how Hoon and Kiseop nearly knocked each other out while filming this? I don't remember the exact documentary, but it must have been that one they did during NEVERLAND

They were all so enamoured with the giant clock too lol

10/10 still gives an insane dopamine rush

Coincidence | YouTube Music 113k | Spotify N/A

It's so insane that this banger is just a random b-side for a single?

I'm trying to figure out who dominates this song, and while my initial instinct is to say it's a Kevin song, Eli is also a very constant presence? Soohyun and Hoon also have parts that are more memorable. All I can say is that this is definitely not a Kiseop (RIP) song

Love the first and last choruses are SooVin while the others are HoonVin

Soohyun's little "follow me!" is so cute omg

I really like AJ's rap here he always makes it so interesting

The cute little SooSeop verse

Dongho's rap was also nice, like the little break for AJ and AJ+Eli

The little bridge part with SooHoon and Eli+Dongho is really cool

I like the darker sound of this, very fitting to be Tick Tack's b-side

Not entirely sure what the song is about? I think it's about meeting an ex again, hence all the mentions of coincidences and fate?

The colourless world mentions sure make it sound depressing though

Also looking at the lyrics, I thought the song was a lot more complex than it is? It really is just like 5 choruses, 3 post-choruses, a couple of verses and a bridge

I think the constant switching of singers/rappers help make it sound more complex

9.5/10 super catchy. I can't believe I actually forgot about this song until I got back into this hellscape

0330 -Piano & Chorus ver.- | YouTube Music N/A | Spotify N/A

There's no official upload but the fan upload of it is sitting at 16k

I think they did this in their 2012 tour? Anyway, sounds a lot like the Christmas version which I really like

Love the stripped down sound, really turns it from crying in the club to crying in the tub

What can I say, I'm a sucker for them harmonizing in the background

Vocal troika really shines in sounding like kicked puppies in this version

9.25/10 higher than the original version because I love me some pathetic-sounding men (affectionate)

Forever (For KISS Me) - 1st Digital Single | 2011.12.22

I remember this coming out!!! Got home from school and did the good ol' YT video-mp3 converter to get it on my laptop. I remember distinctly loving it, then also never playing it lol. It's got a special place in my heart now though, like special as in it makes me a bit teary lol.

Forever (For KISS Me) | YouTube Music 419k | Spotify 13k

So if I'm remembering correctly, this is a song they reworked to be fanservice. The original singers were an older NH group, I think, like before Paran

Something Eli and AJ always having to do a spoken word opening in their songs from this time is so funny to me

"Parting was so hard 'cause you are my only passion" I always thought that it was "partying was so hard" which was super funny, but I see now that I was wrong

"Come visit here it's our lovely party mansion" that always gets a chortle from me like I love them, I actually wouldn't mind drinking with them, but I do not wanna party with them they're all insane

I think it's cute they all get whole verses to themselves, really gives them all enough time to shine during encores lol

So after the Dongho and Eli raps come my favourite part of the whole song - the sex kitten vocal trio building up to Soohyun

Kiseop > Hoon > Kevin > Soohyun is sooooo good and I love building from Kiseop's soft voice to Soohyun the Powerhouse

Also once again, validates my belief that what Kevin is to Soohyun vocally, is what Kiseop is to Hoon, and is why the four of them can be matched off with each other in any way and still sound good

Honestly, the song is mostly the vocal line, sans AJ. The rap line is just there to act as hype men

Music is cute, super upbeat and poppy, and the lyrics are equally mushy

7.75/10 not something I'd listen to on my own volition, but it's always fun watching lives of this, and I love how much the vocal line is allowed to shine (read: I love how many lines Kiseop gets)

Forbidden Love - 2nd JP Single | 2012.02.29

I remember obsessively watching the short MV on YouTube because now when I listen to the song, I can still pick out exactly where it ended lol. I also remember really wanting the shirts they wore for the single cover because it was so ~*~cool~*~ and lowkey edgy, which is perfect for a wangsty tween.

Forbidden Love (Audio) | YouTube Music 1.2M | Spotify 571k

Another song, another dance beat, and I'm absolutely not complaining lol

I really like Kevin's opening line, love the "...najitte mitari-i-i" bit

Plenty of gratuitous English, a very important staple for them from this point on

Again, the entire vocal line stuffed into the first verse, yeah AJ's not singing, but he was there

Love how Hoon drags out the "...datta kedo~" part right into Soohyun's line, and the slowdown in Soohyun's line to transition to Kiseop, and AJ's rap picks up the pace again into the chorus, super fun to listen to

Even though I know the start of the chorus is "I, my, me, mine", I always forget the "mine" because it's off-beat

And okay, the first chorus always kills me because of Soohyun

The "subete kakete Egaku ai no sign", is so funny to me because I just think about him doing the ahegao face while singing it during the MC break in their anniversary tour

Like his eyes were completely rolled back and the camera, bless their heart, did a great close up

And he did it like 3 times I love him so much

Back to the song, I really like how the second verse starts with Kiseop, and how Eli bridges the gap between him to Soohyun, and they do the same thing as verse 1, this time going from Soohyun > Hoon > Kiseop

HoonVin second chorus, once again, has me begging for more duets with them, they sound insanely sweet

Vocal troika taking the last chorus is soooo good

SooHoon back-to-back high notes? They were feeding us so good

Love the constant "love, love, love" and "you make me feel this love" in the background

Like it's almost too much with the music, but it oddly works?

The song is basically exactly what the title says - a forbidden relationship that's doomed to end, but they're like "no baby I love youuuu"

There's also an implication of class difference? First verse has what google tells me translates to "this relationship began with me overreaching myself/but I finally feel like I'm equal to you"

Could just be that girl is way out of their league, idk

10/10 I go back and forth between whether I prefer Tick Tack over this, but they're both like pure dopamine being injected in to my brain

Forbidden Love (MV) | Short ver. 604k | Official upload 462k

Once again, I was so obsessed with watching the short MV

Yes I did watch the full version but I mostly watched the official short one because I couldn't afford to materially support them

There's a lot happening in this first scene

First, Kiseop, take your damn shoes off that's dirty, but I'm happy you're like kind of the protagonist for the non-dance non-solo shot parts of this

Second, why is there a life preserver on the bed? Is it supposed to symbolize that this forbidden love is a life saver?

Why are the chairs tipped over? Why is there an Arizona 51 sign? Are the sirens like directly outside the window or what? What exactly is that next to the bed?

Aww the little Kevin solo dance

I like the little circular bit they do while snapping to change formation

Soohyun bodying the hell out of this part

*Kevin voice* "Why are you so passionate during this part of the dance? Is there something you need to tell us?"

Or at least something like that god Teattari Shidai was so funny, and Kevin and Soohyun were constantly catfighting at that time

I think his explanation was about timing the body roll to it but idk he's just really good at it

I like this set by the way, a new version of The Box for them

Is...is that a tree? Why is there a tree growing in your apartment?

Ooh AJ was really hot in this era I think this is when he fully entered my crush category

Is he wearing winged liner? Goated love his eyes

Kiseop and AJ always make this part of the dance look so cool

Oh and the preceding part with the little shuffle into this

They just have that je ne sais quoi chill that makes look natural

Man I just love this dance, there's a bunch of shoulder shimmies and like at least 3 pelvic thrusts

Wait my guy why is mattress bare like that

Okay pause for a moment to talk about these costumes

Love the black-red suit combo, love the red laces on the boots

I'm a huge sucker for epaulettes so obviously AJ has my favourite suit

Love the rhinestoned lapels for Kiseop and Kevin

Like the glittery lapels for Soohyun and Dongho

Eli has epaulettes too, but because they're also black, they're practically invisible until the closeup shots

Hoon's suit is fine, just more subtle with glitter on the outside of his lapels

In terms of hair, Kiseop and AJ are on their A-game, love the fluffier hair for them

Soohyun, Hoon, and Eli all look fine, like those are pretty standard looks for them

Dongho still has his bowlcut, and while I don't hate Kevin's hair, I wish it had more texture to it?

The ironed hair with the sideswept bangs just aren't that great on him, especially not with the single-toned hair

WHY IS SOOHYUN SO GOOD AT THIS WHY IS HE SLIGHTLY CUPPING HIS HAND

Also like this set, very cool

These costumes are okay, the white-red is a nice combo, but the clothes themselves are less snazzy and more understated the other set

Most baffling choice is why Dongho has a belted coat on rather than a blazer

Also not a huge fan of the longer jackets Soohyun, Kiseop, and Kevin have on

It's not the worst, and I think I could like them in a different MV, but it's a bit too...floppy with this dance

Hairs are a downgrade from the first set of costumes, except for AJ whose hair is glorious at this time

Like I'm sorry to bring this up again but look at his winged linerrrr

He actually looks like a cat

Oooh slowmo shot during the dance break

They really love this move we'll be seeing this a lot in their JP dances

Well I mean they already did a variation of it in Shut Up!!

Also love this part it's so cool how Kiseop transitions back to the dance, very reminiscent of when he does this in NEVERLAND

I like how the choreo tones down for the double high notes so everyone's focusing on Hoon and Soohyun

Lowkey wish we got a dance version of this I would love a wide shot of this to see every bit of choreo

There's no shot of them in their casual outfits, but they all looked fine, very standard 2012 male idol fashion

So yeah, not really much of a story to this, lots of solo shots and dancing

9.5/10 I think I'd prefer a whole dance vid for this, and I really didn't like the white costumes, and they never answered why were the sirens going off at the apartment set???

Redial | YouTube Music 13k | Spotify N/A

I completely forgot about this song until recently

I do vaguely remember listening to it before, so I think I had it on my first laptop and for whatever reason either forgot to transfer it to my second one, or couldn't find another download of it

Is that...a synth harpsichord? It sounds like the harpsichord setting on electronic keyboards like I swear that's what the one at school sounded like

SooSeop sharing verses? Goated

I thought this song had a lot more Hoon and Kevin, but I guess not?

Vocal troika are kinda tied for lines, even though I think I remember Kevin's more because he does a title drop in the first chorus

Dongho gets a bulk of the raps, but Eli isn't too far behind, nor is AJ

Kiseop gets what amounts to nearly a whole verse, plus he's sharing with Soohyun so that's cool

Ooh just noticed it's a sex kitten trio leading in from the second half of the first verse to the pre-chorus and chorus

It feels like a weirdly paced song

I don't know if it's all the synth sounds and the heavy beat, or if it's the lengthier raps to a slower beat but it feels both oddly long and short at once, even though it's basically the same length as Forbidden Love

Maybe it's the shorter verses compared to the raps and choruses?

Or how the bridge comes out of the second rap chunk without really changing tempo as it goes to the last verse?

Lyrically, it's pining over an ex, very normal UKISS stuff

7.5/10 I do like it and it is in a lot of my playlists, but something about this song just makes me uneasy lol

I wish I had a fun fact for this little time, but unfortunately everything funny I know from 2012 is from after this. Anyway, crazy that this all happened within a year of 0330 and Hoon and AJ joining. Like they honestly fit in so seamlessly it's like they've always been there.

So yeah, we're fully entering what I guess we can call their 'peak' era in terms of popularity (lol, lmao even) and activities, and also approaching when I started being chronically online and had actively blogged about them on this good ol' hellsite. Yes, I did find all of my reblogs and tags from that time and dear lord, 2012-2014 for tweenies-turning-teens is very psyche-damaging in our current year.

[darlington-v]

I know different interpretations of a work are generally enriching and cool... but c!dream villan interpretations is like how to tell me you only watch Tommy without saying you only watch tommy.... which would be fine but its not a great place to be making statements about the whole nature of the dsmp lol

Wild speculation, but sometimes I wonder if like, because the dsmp didn't really start as a narrative, and a lot of fans don't nessecarily enter it expecting a narrative, but then there is one and the fandom is really discourse heavy and everyone is sort of excpeted to have an opinion while maybe not expecting to form one from the begining or not having a ton of experience with narrative in a way that would "expect" them to have an opinion or not take things at face value??, I don't know if I explained that well at all... and I don't really even think thats right nessecarily... but like wow sometimes some of the takes about power and government and villany...

Honestly, it makes sense!!!

I think something interesting is like.... looking at how animatics have shaped the like tone and culture of the fandom essentially. Like, an interesting fact that I didn't really fully grasp until SUPER recently is like...

c!Wilbur out the gate admits he is manipulating c!Tommy. Like his first youtube video on the Dream SMP he admits his goal is to manipulate c!Tommy and people like c!Tommy into helping him achieve a potion ("drug") empire to monopolize on potions because there were a lot of people on the server who like to min-max, which is to put all of your effort into this one specific skill essentially. so like... i know minecraft doesnt have a skill tree but if it did, it would be putting all your points into that one specific branch of a skill tree. So he wanted to exploit the labor of all the TommyInnits to.... maintain a Potion Empire.

THIS IS A LONG POST BC I GOT CARRIED AWAY SO BUCKLE UP

And I don't think a lot of the fandom who joined later on knows this. I certainly didn't until like a week or so ago? Like... I knew c!Wilbur had been manipulative from the start because I'm a mod of (shameless self promo incoming) @dsmpanalysis and we have a lot of different POVs in that mod team and discord and we talk about it really frequently. I joined the fandom as someone who was really big on L'manburg ESPECIALLY crimeboys, and have turned into.... *gestures vaguely to my blog*

And ngl I owe a lot of it to @1-michibiki-1 in terms of c!Dream "Apologism" but all of the mods there have expanded my thoughts and views on the storylines of this narrative.

My application consisted of like largely essays about like... how I think Dream was the villain but he was meant to be the villain because you don't get any insight into his character WHICH.... IS A FAIR ASSUMPTION AT FIRST GLANCE. People are easily villainized when you cannot get a glimpse into their thought process. It's easy to dwindle someone down into this flat character and starting out I knew Dream didn't stream the SMP on purpose.

And I personally came to the conclusion of "Oh! So Dream is supposed to be the villain." However as the story continued and I learned more about what Dream went through I began to realize that... it's more than likely a form of a red herring. My opinions on this were immediately solidified when I watched Ranboo's 2 MIL stream because both Ranboo AND Dream agree on enjoying red herrings.

There have been MANY times were Dream has said that c!Dream is a complex character and he's not a wholly evil guy and there have been times where the narrative has honestly just proved that.

Anyways, what's important though was that... I learned most of this from other people who were more focused on c!Dream rather than myself. Eventually I shifted from c!Tommy to c!Ranboo and c!Techno after c!Tommy betrayed c!Techno and I began to realize.... everything I learned before hopping in wasn't exactly what it seemed.

Part of this is because I'm older, I heavily identify with c!Techno's sense of loyalty and philosophies on government, but I especially identify with the anguish c!Techno voiced in... a lot of lore but especially the lore around Doomsday.

I'm not 16 anymore. I don't always feel wronged by adults, or older people in my case, whenever they absolutely have done something wrong by me, but I do feel wronged by my close friends. I also felt like c!Tommy's sense of loyalty didn't line up with mine after what felt like him constantly flip-flopping and refusing to understand c!Techno's morals on government didn't line up with his.

In short, it was easier to identify with Tommy in these animatics versus in the actual stream content because c!Tommy is played by a 16 year old. I'm not a teenager and my line of thinking doesn't entirely line up with people that age anymore. It's harder to place myself in the same shoes of someone's OC who is played closer to their actual age, because I'm not that age.

Regardless, I was still on the c!Dream is a villain train. I wasn't ever like... c!Dream is repulsive I hate him, but I was like omg hot villain lad go brrr.

Even when the first like... mellohi, panic room, Ranboo lore stream popped up I thought "Oh! c!Ranboo corruption arc?"

And I was excited because I really wanted this shy, nervous character to turn into villain buddies with his good pal c!Dream. I'm a total sucker for villains and corruption arcs and all that good shit.

SO I STARTED GETTING REALLY INTERESTED IN ENDERSMILE. I'VE BEEN ON ENDERSMILE SQUAD OUT THE GATE. NOT THE SAME WAY I AM NOW, BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED THEM TO TEAM UP.

So... upon not really keeping up with c!Dream and being relatively??? indifferent? I don't think I started arguments on c!Dream back then, but I might have. But I remember like... starting to participate more whenever c!Dream came up and looking more into Dream's character BUT ESPECIALLY TALKING WITH OUR SERVER'S C!DREAM SPECIALIST MICHI ABOUT DREAM A LOT MORE.

And because Michi has been a watcher since day one and was a DTeam fan rather than a SBI fan, she was able to provide me with more information on how the server worked pre-Tommy but especially pre-Wilbur.

Now, you could definitely argue well Michi probably has clear bias but it made sense to me when I looked back on how the storyline had been constructed and was going along, and everyone in the server talks a lot about our own biases and how we want people to maybe not lean so hard on them. Michi would also provide like anecdotes on what had happened and I'm sure links were probably provided at one point but the point was I felt like Michi had no reason to lie or manipulate how the story was told and if she did, eventually someone would have pointed it out because... Group of like... right now it's around 20 or more analysts but I don't remember how many at the time there were. POINT BEING, WE'VE ALL GOT POINTS TO PROVE AND IN MY EXPERIENCE NOT MANY OF US HAVE BEEN SHY TO PROVE THEM.

So if anyone ever had any differing opinions they would be talked about and we literally had and still have discussions.

REGARDLESS.... I DIDN'T FACT CHECK IN DEPTH BECAUSE I THOUGHT PEER REVIEW WAS ENOUGH WHEN YOU HAVE LIKE HOURS UPON HOURS OF STREAMS TO WATCH.

Anyways. Eventually I started paying closer attention and looking more into c!Dream lore but only recently have I started to triple check before speaking about c!Wilbur lore because I know everyone has biases and while I did trust everyone's thoughts and analysis in the discord, whenever I make essays I typically like it to be largely air tight and if theres a mistake, I want it to be because I forgot not because I just trusted what was said. Plus, I wanted to get down to the specifics of how Wilbur had always started with manipulation on the mind.

SO I WATCHED HIS FIRST VIDEO ON THE DREAM SMP.

AND WHAT I WAS NOT BY ANY MEANS EXPECTING WAS WILBUR TO SAY WORD FOR WORD, VERBATIM,

"SO WHY DON'T I START AN INDUSTRY WHERE I USE THE TOMMYINNITS OF THE WORLD TO WORK FOR ME, TO CREATE THINGS THAT THE MIN-MAXERS OF THE WORLD WILL WANT."

Like... this is in no way an attempt to like hardcore villainize c!Wilbur like everyone does Dream, it's just more so to like REALLY outline how far off a lot of fandom interpretation of c!Wilbur is....

Because of SBI focused animatics.

Now, when I joined I watched A LOT of animatics that really highlighted like... Wilbur being this self-loathing JD-esque, "I destroyed it because I had to because the world was against me because no one loved us, Tommy" type of character. At least... that's what it came across as.

And it definitely highlighted the fact that Tommy was a victim, which he is. He is undoubtedly a victim and no not even any dream apologist can change my mind otherwise. Tommy, despite being an instigator sometimes, didn't deserve the abuse he received.

But these animatics never shown the fact that c!Wilbur started L'manburg as a shady ploy to exploit people like c!Tommy and vilify c!Dream so he could have power.

And that was easy because Dream and Tommy had wars before. They had spars and pranks and here's the plan to take back my disks and here's the plan to out smart the thieving little child etc etc.

And all of the animatics I watched never mentioned this. Neither did the recaps though. The recaps gave the events flat out, there didn't sound like there was bias, and honestly I don't really know if there was rather than like... a lack of nuance. And it's hard to provide a recap with that much nuance in a short period of time for a youtube video, to be perfectly fair.

However, this creates a perfect formula for entirely rewriting the history of a server. c!Wilbur quite literally fucking succeeded TO A META LEVEL. He slandered and ran smear campaigns against Dream and like he even does that with Sapnap in the beginning. But what's crazy is that it transferred over into the meta! Most of this fandom understands Wilbur as a victim of mental illness, and yeah maybe? He definitely wasn't mentally well by the end of pogtopia, but he never started out with honorable intentions. L'manburg was never a victim, only its citizens. The TommyInnits of the world.

I just think it's like... such an interesting case study. Because this is like... an opinion like shared by at least half of the fandom, but the vilifying of c!Dream is shared by MOST of the fandom I would argue. Which is like even more crazy for me because that was c!Wilbur's goal!!!

LIKE I GO INSANE WHEN I THINK OF THIS BECAUSE HIS REACH IS JUST TOO POWERFUL. HE'S NOT EVEN ENTIRELY REAL, JUST A MANIPULATIVE PERSONA OF SOME BRITISH GUY.

And I mean... maybe people who have watched Wilbur's video on the SMP still maintain this idea that Wilbur wasn't always the bad guy, but honestly... I wouldn't be surprised if their introduction was still an animatic. Like bias is hard to check and I'm not going to lie I could have sworn I watched both Wilbur's AND Tommy's video on the SMP in the beginning and yet I STILL was a ride or die for tragic yet on some level still honorable Wilbur and a resilient Tommy.

Like... upon watching Wilbur's first video... possibly again I was surprised because I thought I did watch it like right before I even started watching the streams and yet I was still so invested in c!Wilbur as this tortured anti-hero.

It took 6 months of... not being in an echo chamber, full of multiple different people of different ages, different stream POVS, and people who joined the fandom at different points in time.

IDK IF THIS WAS EVEN ENTIRELY RELEVANT IT JUST FELT TANGENTIALLY RELEVANT AND THIS WAS SOMETHING I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT FOR A HOT MINUTE AFTER LIKE WATCHING WILBUR'S FIRST VIDEO AGAIN.

TLDR;

SBI CENTRIC ANIMATICS HAD A LASTING AFFECT ON THIS FANDOM AS IT'S HARD TO GO BACK AND ACTUALLY CHECK THE NARRATIVE FOR SOLID FACTS FOR YOUR OWN INTERPRETATION BASED ON THE FACT THAT THIS NARRATIVE SPANS OVER HUNDREDS OF HOURS WORTH OF TWITCH STREAMS.

[coralstudiies]

hello everyone! I got an ask from an anon asking for tips on time management so i decided to type this out before school starts heheh…

poor time management and procrastination, unfortunately, plague just about all of us lol. people with a short attention span (like me) and who are pretty much always on their phone (me again) and who hate scheduling are the most susceptible to these.

over the years i struggled with time management(studying the night before the exam 🤙🏼) but! these are some tips that have helped me in scheduling, avoiding procrastination and improving time management.

1. Write it down

as always, we’re starting with BEFORE the actual task. write all tasks, assignments, projects and homework, test dates down somewhere (notebook preferably so that you dont lose it. it doesn’t have to be your bujo and you do not have to start a bujo for this specific reason!!!) and write the deadlines. this is subconscious pressure to do work once you get home. also, since you can see everything, it’s easier to schedule it out later

2. Use travel time

i cannot stress this enough!!!! sorry that it appears in all my tips posts but it truly is very useful. for short commutes, review the content you’ve learnt so that when you start on your homework, you’ve already got the hang of it. ie you dont struggle to understand the chapter and be put off from finishing your work because you hate it. long commutes can be used to complete work itself. i like to place some books and a file under my worksheet while i write (if i have a seat lol) or you can take this time to plan your time in greater detail

3. Actually plan your time

you dont have to fancy it up with like, brush pens and highlighters. just do something on google sheets or excel. divide the day into appropriate blocks of time.

for me, since i use a focus timer (50+10 or 100+20, rare cases i do 120 with a long break after that) i keep my days in 1hr blocks. so i’d block in about 1hour after i reach home to chill, clean up and so on, 2hrs for homework and the remaining time can be divided by hour/2hours to complete my work. you can tweak the timings to work for you but so far this one suits me pretty well.

4. NEVER RUSH YOUR HOMEWORK AND REVISION WHEN PLANNING!!!!

i repeat, never rush. because when you give only, say, one hour to review 3 chapters and you fail to do so within that time limit, you feel demoralised and hence, will not want to work more. this is a very common issue i believe. sometimes i would rush revise and when i couldnt stick to the timelines, i’ll feel so defeated that i’ll probably binge watch youtube to cure my self-pity LOL

give yourself an ample amount of time. Assign one or two hours a day as ‘delay time’ (this was my free time) so that you can catch up on anything that unfortunately, you couldn’t finish. Assign one day of the week to be the ‘delay day’ -- anything that you cant finish the week before, do it now. this means that you can still ‘save’ your plan even if it screwed up somewhere along the way. it works wonders, believe me! i used to have ‘delay hours’ after training where i would (ahem sadly) study from 2330-0030 if i needed to. while i was tired, i always got my work done.

5. Prioritise

this one needs no explanation. i usually choose which task to start on based on a combination of deadline+importance+graded/non-graded. i start early for graded assignments because they count towards my semester’s final grade and i want to hand up the best quality work i can. find a system which works for you! note: start project work and large assignments early.

you can assign simple tasks first to start the ball rolling, and proceed with harder tasks.

alternatively, if you’re at your prime focus, start with the hardest and scale down to the simple.

6. Make good use of holidays + Wake up early

ok i used to game a LOT and go to training a LOT (still happens now lol) during holidays but i wouldnt get any of my holiday work done.

do your holiday homework first. schedule your time well, and maybe stay home and resist the urge to go out for the first 5 days. finish all your work (again, schedule well) with breaks in between.

thereafter, schedule maybe 3-5 hours a day to revise. if you’re going out with friends, i’d suggest you wake up early to study because once you come home you’re usually dead tired HAHA

so how early is early?? during my o levels study break i would wake up at 0330 (yes, for real) but i slept at 2130 every night. so thats 6 hours of sleep wew but AT LEAST i was very productive. think about it this way: waking up early to study at 0330 makes you more productive than studying till 0330. you don’t have to wake up THIS early, but preferably early enough when the sky’s still dark so that you can fit in those extra hours. DO NOT sacrifice sleep. that’s why you can see i’m still sleeping my usual amount, albeit sleeping and waking earlier.

more perks of waking up early: its quiet outside, the air is cool, your mind gets into the ‘get shit done’ mode, and if you absolutely have to use your phone to search something up, your social media probably won’t be pinging. in other words, early mornings are actually a great time to study! remember to eat something though :>

7. Remove all distractions to prevent possible procrastination

YES i know this is the dreaded one. lock your phone somewhere inconvenient and put the key outside your room. or if you don’t lock it make sure your phone is far away from you as possible. please i know how deadly your phone can get so just put it away.

if you find yourself drifting away and looking at something else, remove that.

alternatively, change up your study environment. you don’t have to go to the library or something (you can if you want to). this is as simple as studying in a different part of the house. a new environment helps to ‘prick’ my mind and help me ignore distractions. i dont know if this is scientifically proven but oh well, worth a try.

8. 2-minute rule

this is something i picked up from @studyquill! it’s pretty helpful (although i was skeptical at first). Tell yourself you’re only going to work for 2 minutes, which helps you get into the workflow. chances are you’ll get so into it (ok not in an excited but rather in a determined way) that you don’t feel like stopping.

if you’ve had a long day and after 2 mins you still don’t get any momentum, just stop and take a 15 min break. that means you’re really too tired and there’s no point in forcing yourself to complete your work.

9. Use reminders

set reminders on your phone for the tasks you need to do. for example, if you’ve planned to start work at 1500, set the reminder to ring 5 minutes before so you have time to gather all your stuff and ready yourself to do work. no excuses!!

set reminders for your breaks as well! those are equally important.

10. Reward yourself

if everything you need to do is done, give yourself a pat on the back. have you been extremely productive? great, treat yourself to your favourite drink/snack. honestly i feel like many of our brains function on the ‘reward’ system. if we reward ourselves for a job well done, we’ll be more willing to complete tasks and stay on time in the future (the brain thinks there’s a reward coming)

remember to take care of your mental health as well! this is one good way to ensure you don’t end up mentally exhausted.

Apps to help with time management

1. Tide - focus timer, meditation, beautiful and calming soundtracks (my fav!)

2. Pendo - everything in one tbh, schedule, to-do list, journal etc. (my fav too!)

3. Forest - focus timer $$$ (free alternative: flora)

4. Donut Dog - focus timer

5. Todoist - minimalist to-do list

6. Minimalist - minimalist to-do list

7. Google Calender - your entire schedule

8. Todait - smart study planner

a quick search will bring out many more! note these are all available on iOS but i’m not sure about google play. you don’t need everything to be productive. i rely only on Tide, Pendo and my iPhone calender and reminders. It’s less about having many ‘tools’ and more about how you properly and wisely utilise them to boost your productivity and manage your time.

also i don't think pendo is very well-known?? so this is how its interface looks like for 'Notes':

it's pretty, simple and clean and there are several themes to choose from! i rly like it omg HAHA (not a promo)

alright that's all! hope it helped :>

[rigelmejo]

Dude I was on the language learning forms as I do sometimes, and someone was lamenting the lack of Chinese content to immerse in (watch, read etc). And how it was hard to find and they didn’t have this problem with Japanese what should they do?

Well. 1. I get their frustration on one level, as I do think Japanese content is so much more mainstream to watch in English speaking countries (at least anime and Japanese video games), that trying to find content in a language where it’s harder to just find content right on Netflix or from a friends recommendation does bring up a new challenge. Whereas with Japanese, probably you could accidentally stumble onto it or have a friend recommend you something, then at least explore deeper with some idea of what you liked/where to start finding it.

However. The person also sort of thought the lack of content was due to Chinese just not having as much content or as interesting content. Again I’m going to assume their key issue was just - it can be a new challenge finding media if you have a harder time just starting.

Because lol?? Chinese has SO much content. Like as far as language content on the internet alone??? Chinese has been eons easier to find than Japanese for me, and in terms of sites I actually use regularly is much closer to my experience of English online (there’s so much Chinese content online... so much... an incredible amount... like in chinese I’ve even found free movie watching sites FOR shows in English - like the way I find sites in English to watch Chinese shows IN chinese lol! Like you can use English to search for Chinese stuff, and literally do the reverse to find English stuff, there is so much Chinese stuff... I found more stuff in Japanese using bilibili in chinese than I could find of Japanese using YouTube In English). And Chinese drama land is HUGE it feels as active as American television, so you have endless genres to dive into and companies and actors and writers etc (there is a distinct lack of sci fi though as far as I’ve seen, but to be fair america isn’t making a Ton of sci fi compared to like Detective shows either - it’s just English speaking sci fi has had some more good ones in recent years). There is no lack of Chinese content out there. There’s audiobooks, dramas, audio dramas, talk shows, radio, fanfiction, novels, fanart, manhua, sites to find other stuff, forums, weibo, search sites, just a lot?? Like, if you think Japanese has enough internet content then there is an adequate amount of Chinese content on the internet too lol. You just may have to do a touch more initial exploration.

I just. Thought the assumption “can’t find media means their media sucks” was funny. Because also? I have not found that to be true. I know very little about Thai media. I just happened upon SOTUS cause of a friend talking about it. So like someone watching anime conveniently - I got into it. It was good, so I dug, and found a lot of amazing Thai shows (and some I didn’t love cause lol genres all have a mix of quality depending on show etc). There IS a ton of amazing Thai shows that exist right now. But if all you ever found was SOTUS? While it was great when I saw it to me, once I found more I realized there was a LOT better stuff. So like if you see one cdrama on Netflix (if that’s how you first easily find the media), that does not mean all shows will be that quality or anything like them! And just cause it’s the first one you found doesn’t mean they’re all like that ones quality.

Like I had a similar experience with jdramas growing up, so I get it. I was into anime, saw some (trainwreck) live action adaptations. And as a teenage just blanket assumed all Japanese live action media was gonna be around that quality. And then in recent years, I checked out some Japanese live action media - to see if new stuff was better. YEAH IT SURE IS (and I would imagine some old stuff was great I just gave up after one not-wonderful one lol). SO MANY AMAZING jdramas exist now! Even the ones I most feared would not be great - live action adaptations of anime’s? They’re so much better now, some of them are genuinely loved in their own right as standalone live actions. So like. One not-great show experience is NOT representative of the entire plethora of shows available and their quality. Now that I’ve realized how MANY good jdramas I missed out on? I have so much catching up to do ToT

2. If you’re in this boat of “content seems hard to find, so I feel like there’s none or no good stuff” what to do?

First ask some friends for recommendations?

Check Netflix, Amazon, YouTube (YouTube has a ton of cdramas), Viki, iQiyi app. Like how some people get into anime, maybe you just need an easy conviennent show in your recommended to get into more content.

Check out rec channels on YouTube like Donghua Reviews and Avenue X to hear about some shows and figure out the kinds of ones you’d even want to check out (I imagine other languages also have review channels like for kdramas).

Go to MyDramaList.com. Search genres you like, read recommendation list posts. if you’ve seen a show at this point already you can look it up and see in the “Recommended” section what other dramas are like it, you can see it’s genre tags to see WHAT genres you even seem to like. Use this to start DIGGING and finding stuff you might really like. Since like with anime, you’re only going to find the most popular stuff at first just based on Netflix or friends (which might not match up to your personal tastes as well as finding stuff that Is more your favorite genres).

Try out new stuff. And if it sucks, you don’t like it? Drop it, learn that about yourself, start another new thing. You’ll figure out what you like and dislike pretty fast (like I personally hate bad pacing or bad writing specifically characterization, and I can notice when the specific things I love are gonna be in a show pretty fast).

Check out genres specific to that language’s media. Because if it’s new to you, you might not know if you even like it or not, and if you like it then which things you personally prefer in it (since even within a genre there will be wildly different content and feels). For Chinese this might be wuxia, xianxia, palace dramas, costume dramas, republican era dramas, tomb raiding dramas etc.

*That’s how it worked for me, SOTUS led me to the bl drama fans, eventually they recommended Guardian so bam I guess I was learning chinese, YouTube recced me more cdramas from there to continue with, and mydramalist.com helped me find other shows with actors I liked from guardian (and other bl related shows which led me to Go Princess Go of all things for the bi lead), and that site helped me find more genres and shows I’d like, as well as friends continuing to rec things. Didn’t take long to figure out what I liked, didn’t, and to start noticing what upcoming stuff I’d probably be excited for. And now there’s so much good stuff found I don’t have enough time lol.

As for non show media: use shows as the jump off point. Just like using “easy to find shows” can be used to break into finding more shows. Once you have a show you liked a lot - look up it it’s based on a book, if it has an audiobook, an audio drama, a manhua, a donghua. Chances are it DOES have some of this stuff, because cdramas do a PRETTY regular amount of the time. Often cdramas have all or nearly all of these other story types. So jump into those, then find more novels or audio drama or manhua etc by branching off from the one you liked to others like it. Novelupdates.com is good for doing this with novels (it has a recommendations section), I imagine manhua sites have rec lists too, ximalaya starts recommending stuff once you’ve listened to a few audio on it, etc. And if you get into fandoms of those x media types, those fans will start recommending more too. And again, even if you just stick to media related to shows you liked - so often shows have so MUCH related media that would definitely keep you busy. (Like I didnt wade into non-show connected novels until I looked up more novels as recommendations afte show-related novels, like MDZS and Guardian leading me to SVSSS and 2ha and Can Ci Pin which at the time had no show adaptations, and then eventually found just-novel rec lists - which is still the main way I find fanfic).

[stina-is-a-punk-rocker]

disney’s ‘the hunchback of notre dame’, early 2000s kid nostalgia, and other midnight musings

“What the fuck, Stina? I thought this was a blog for book reviews!” you say.

“Books, amongst other things. Hence the -ish suffix,” I say. “And all my mediocre ‘reviews’ are hit-or-miss in terms of engagement, so I’m pretty much free to post whatever the fuck I want.”

I toss my head. My hair whacks me in the face.

The first time I watched Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame was been circa 2006, in the ‘movie room’ of my preschool, huddled around a CRT TV with the rest of my five-year-old classmates. Not much about the film particularly stood out to me at the age.

Fast-forward fifteen years later; I’m cooped up in quarantine, hundreds of thousands of miles away from that first viewing. I’m living my best life, rejoicing in my introverted tendencies and having a laugh at the expense of all the suffering extroverts. I haven’t moved from my bed all day, except for the bare necessities, and I’m bingeing YouTube videos. All is well.

I discovered Lindsay Ellis’s channel quite recently- embarrassingly enough, through her videos on Omegaverse and the whole Addison Cain fiasco. I stumbled down the rabbit-hole of her channel, and here I am, a few dozen videos later, and I find her one on this film.

Which, of course, led me to want to re-watch the film, with the eyes and mind (supposedly) of an adult. And it went far beyond and above my expectations.

The film is dark, much darker than the average Disney film of today- not just thematically, but the graphics too. Except for the first parts with the Festival of Fools and the last scene, the rest seems to have a dark filter put over it all. Obviously, given its themes (I’m pulling these out of my arse; I’m a STEM major and I have zero to no knowledge about film) of freedom and equality, acceptance of those different from us, corruption and lust- all that good shit, in other words- you can’t exactly have sunshine and rainbows. But it’s such a stark contrast from what I’ve been accustomed to from Disney; Frozen has Hans about to decapitate Elsa, but the background remains bright and light; Simba sobbing next to Mufasa’s body in The Lion King is heart-wrenching, but a few scenes later, we have an anthropomorphic meerkat-boar duo singing about eating bugs and farting and all that classy stuff, so it’s not as traumatizing.

The themes are a lot more on-the-nose than a lot of other kids’ movies (forgive me if I err, I am aged and forgetful)- cue la Esmeralda saying, “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”- you get what’s essentially the same ‘accept others regardless of their differences’, ‘prejudice is bad’ morals from, say, Zootopia, but having given the main characters fursuits makes it less obvious than in this movie.

(Or maybe I’m just a dumbass. I have no elaborate notes for this; I’m high on sugar and deprived of sleep so I might be spewing bullshit.)

Admittedly, the resolution is a bit… unrealistic. The citizens of Paris = sheep, essentially; they go from throwing fruit in Quasimodo’s face because the guards started it, to helping defeat them. Maybe there’s something about mob mentality in there, but I find it hard to believe that people who showed up to watch Esmeralda burn to death were suddenly totally cool with not getting what they didn’t pay for. But then again, this is a Disney movie, and you can’t make kids too cynical too early on. Let them have their innocence and ‘people will be with the heroes in times of peril because humanity is inherently good!’ before they realize that humanity kinda fuckin’ sucks.

The characters are some of the most human from those I’ve seen in Disney (other honorable mentions: the main characters of The Emperor’s New Groove, Moana, Tangled, Anna from Frozen). Quasimodo’s the main character (lol DUH, will I ever say anything not obvious?), and he’s so lovable, but not without flaws- he’s biased against gypsies in the beginning because Frollo’s the literal scum of the earth. To borrow from the K-pop fans’ dictionary: UwU he’s so pure!

Esmeralda sparks a bit of controversy because she’s another POC leading lady from a Disney film of the 90’s (a list including Jasmine, and, sigh- Pocahontas) who’s markedly more sexualized than the white Disney princesses. It’s not something I particularly noticed nor cared about until I saw it being brought up- I mean, the woman shows a bit of cleavage and then dances for a couple of seconds- but. I’m just putting that out there.

She’s an empowering heroine without having to belt in in your face (not me making a dig at Naomi Scott’s Jasmine from the Aladdin live action film), and I also love how her role in taking down the Big Bad doesn’t have to do with her ‘power of seduction’ (the scene in the animated Aladdin film where Jasmine kissed Jafar truly traumatized me as a kid).

Phoebus is… well, he exists. Kind of a Regulus Black archetype, but not exactly. The guy on the bad side who turns good and all is forgiven. Well, at least it’s not the ‘her love made him a better man’ trope. And he is a good guy. Even if he did spend a considerable amount of his adult years on the side of the bad guys.

Systemic oppression? Nah, it’s one or two corrupt baddies. But again, it’s a Disney film, we need everything to work out for the good guys in the end.

Let’s get the gargoyles out of the way. To reference Lindsay Ellis’s video (she’s a lot smarter than I am and breaks this down better than I ever could): yes, the comedy’s oft ill-timed and inappropriate… for an adult audience. And the primary demographic of Disney films, especially princess ones (obviously Esmeralda isn’t a princess, nor does she marry into royalty, nor is she included in the group of princesses in the dumpster fire that is Ralph Breaks the Internet, but I had a book imaginatively titled ‘Disney Princess Stories’ as a kid that included Esmeralda’s story alongside Belle’s and Ariel’s, so I’m calling her a princess), are kids. And kids love fart jokes.

Additionally, I have a theory-that-is-not-really-a-theory-but-a-pretty-obvious-thing-that-happens that the gargoyles are figments of Quasimodo’s imagination, and the, at times crass and ridiculous things they say are just the voices in Quasimodo’s head (THIS IS OBVIOUS, STINA, YOU HAVEN’T STUMBLED ACROSS A STARTLING NEW REVELATION); maybe what he imagines normal townspeople to act like.

And then we have Judge Judy Chrissy Teigen Frollo. This dude is the embodiment of pure evil. He’s bigoted and rapey and abusive and one of Disney’s most successful villains- even better than Mother Gothel, who previously held the crown. It’s rare that a villain genuinely terrifies me, especially a cartoon one. Frollo, unlike your typical fairytale antagonist who wants power/fame/fortune/to overthrow Olympus, is far more sinister; driven from deep-rooted hatred instead of plain greed. He’s so much closer to people in positions of power and authority even in the modern world, and that element of reality makes him so much better as an antagonist instead of a literal sheep who hates carnivores (seriously, Disney, enough with the twist villains- they’re not working out).

Also, Hellfire slaps. In fact, the entire soundtrack does.

Speaking about Hellfire, I love the contrast between that and Heaven’s Light; how Esmeralda is viewed by Frollo (an object to possess, “Destroy Esmeralda, and let her taste the fires of hell; or else, let her be mine and mine alone”) as opposed to Quasimodo (someone with free will, “I dare to dream that she might even care for me”).

Another argument brought up, and admittedly one I had as a child was, ‘but if the whole point of the movie is acceptance and love as opposed to lust, why didn’t Quasimodo get the girl?’ Which, years later, I realize is an extremely misogynistic way to look at it. As Princess Jasmine said four years before The Hunchback was released, she is not a prize to be won. Quasimodo is Frollo’s antithesis; he lets Esmeralda choose, and she chose Phoebus. And Quasimodo accepted that, because he is good and kind and sweet and loving. Severus Snape, take note.

On a sidenote, I’m always kind of caught out of left field when the plot in films moves really fast- I’m really not a movie-watching type; I prefer to read, and books usually indicate how much time passes from one main plot point to another, and there are little slice-of-life, filler parts that tie in to character development and moving the plot forward, but at a snail’s pace. So, whenever I’m watching a movie and it’s one important event after another, I usually haven’t had enough of a refractory period to process it.

Let’s pretend that I segued smoothly into the next part of this (already tedious and long drawn out) review.

The Hunchback is the darkest film I’ve ever seen come out from Disney. Re-watching it as an adult made me pause every so often and wonder why the hell I wasn’t traumatized by it as a kid. I mean, the whole movie kicks off with Frollo about to throw an infant down a well. And then there’s that horrifying shot of the stone renditions of the Israelite kings on the church walls. Frollo falls to his death into fire. I mean, good riddance, but still. I guess it’s because the kids’ shows of today are awfully censored and polished so kids don’t have nightmares forevermore.

Update: tried to watch The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2. Exited just as fast as I clicked on it. Disney sequels really ain’t shit (yes, I’m looking at you, Frozen 2).

[colorisbyshe]

oh and btw, help a fellow bi agender over here and rec me some youtubers/podcast/content lol that isn't crap

Podcasts: citations needed and i will say the dollop WITH the caveat that you need to understand the main dude involved is an anti-cop, anti-bigotry leftist but just... like if a historical piece he’s covering uses a slur, he’ll just fucking say it. he’s an older white dude so i won’t defend it but if you want history/modern commentary he’s pretty good at looking from a critical leftist lens.

book/reading podcasts: the stacks, reading glasses (they’re a bit... liberal but pretty good at inclusive recommendations)

triple click is a decent video game podcast that’s critical of industry practices and pretty inclusive but i think (not positive) everyone involved is white

i’m actually looking for more podcasts that aren’t just all/primarily white people so if anyone has recommendations for politics, video games (ps4/switch not pc/xbox if there’s a main focus), books, or i guessssss media like tv/film or more general stuff. no more true crime!!!

Youtubers:

News: Sxephil. Again, caveat that he’s pretty straightforwardly a white liberal who has grown a LOT as a person over the last decade in terms of politics and like... respecting people (so like anyone issuing a call out for him pre 2018 would probably be absolutely correct to do so) but if you want zippy, daily news that is fairly thoroughly fact checked (and will be correcter immediately) and involves heavier and lighter fare within 5-20 minutes... he’s decent. He’s good at keeping you up to date. I’m actually looking for other daily news people.

Booktube: Mina Reads. She mostly does romance novels and dabbles in scifi/fantasy at times, she’ll never have a hot take that pisses you off. Or at least hasn’t so far.

iilluminaughtii is an anti-mlm youtuber who tends to be informative and hasn’t said anything to piss me off yet

Caitlin Doughty is friends with Lindsay Ellis but that never comes up in her videos and she does a lot on death positivity--so like death rituals throughout history, understanding how dead bodies are handled during covid, suggesting green alternatives to normal burials, and she also does nice historic retellings of shit like the donner party

MelinaPendulum is ALSO friends with Lindsay, I’m pretty sure, and has some takes I do not like (like she’s friends with Reylos and I just... don’t like her takes on shipping in general) but she has really good media breakdowns and her perspective is always interesting to here, even when you disagree with it (like she did some weird in defense of Steven Universe-esque video that I didn’t agree with but enjoyed the perspective on). She’s good at calling out racism and misogyny and has her masters I think so like... she knows what she’s talking about.

This has literally nothing to do with anything but Flashbush Cats is a cat rescue youtube channel and if you wanna happy cry or learn how to get into fostering/TNR... they’re great

i’m looking for new anime review youtubers i watch mother’s basement but that’s just like one dude and... he’s fine. but i’d rather... not just have a dude telling me about anime? Get in the Robot does anime videos but I barely bother keeping up with them cause I don’t like their video format but maybe you’d like them

Renegade Cut has decent media analysis videos and is good at covering broader topics like capitalism in film or maybe how a single franchise desals with a theme like mental illness

“Babish Culinary Universe” has a Sohla cooking series if you liked her from bon appetit but no longer like bon appetit

Folding Ideas and  hmbomberguy are like quintessential “I hate everyone you hang out with but your videos are decent deep dives into media topics I never would have thought of.” Jack Saint is on a similar white guy has some spicy takes thread. Pop Culture Detective too.

If you want to recover from the white manliness of that bit, For Harriet provides amazing perspective on everything from politics to antiblack racism and how that intersects with misogyny to movie reviews with the same lens. She responds to a lot of stuff currently happening, whether it be the election or netflix movies like Cuties.

If you liked Cracked, Some More News has a lot of people from that with great leftist perspectives criticizing current events as they’re happening

Need to assert that for most of these, I do not follow them on other social media or watch all of their videos. I do not sign on to anything and everything they’v’e said, I’ve just had generally positive experiences with them. Most of them have flaws.

That said--I want more youtubers. Good topics: media analysis, anime reviews/deep dives, responses to current events, video game break downs, or idk... just video essays on random shit like I just watcched an entire video on how hyperpop might be the future of music by MicTheSnare

[tatertotthethot]

Haaay Baaaeee, ew that was cringe 😂 OK so, I feel kinda beat down at the moment? Today is one of those days where I'm sick in bed and just binge watching YouTube and I stumbled across this channel that did a watch/read review on After(that Harry Style's FanFic turned book turned movie series) now I've never been into it but it's a solid over 30min long video and I wanted to kill time, so I'm watching it. I made the mistake of reading through the comments as the reviewer was on a tangent about the book and I started reading people saying a lot of nasty things about FanFic writers. And specifically people who write fanfic about real people. I even saw some recently comments about BTS in there and I just couldn't switch off my phone and stop reading. I dabble in writing myself and it just broke me down. Are we really that creepy and wrong for writing and enjoying fanfic over really people? (in this case BTS) They were bashing everyone from OC's, Self-inserts, shipping EVERYTHING. I felt so gross seeing so many people indirectly (but very much directly?) felt about me, my mutuals and people I look up to in the fanfic community. I even saw some fanfic writers saying how much better they are because they only write about fictional characters not real life people! Sorry just feeling really blue about this and it's just brought a whole new level of self doubt on me and what I enjoy 😣

Oof I remember reading “After” when it was growing popular on Wattpad and I only read it cuz of its clout and... no hate.. but I still can’t believe they made until a movie even though it’s a lot different than the book lol. But Omg I know exactly what you’re talking about and yes it pisses me off too. It’s local mentality tbh lol. I know some people write fan fiction just for smut but that’s merely on the surface— if they actually dug deeper into the millions of literal stories that star idols without automatically deeming it as “creepy” then they’ll be able to detach the actual persona away from the character and realize it’s just a way of using a persons face and name, and the inspiration from an idol that we love and support and interpreting that into something we’re more passionate about. Mostly just using the “idea” of them as a way to excorsize our creative writing skills. They’ll also see that when an idol is used as the main character in these stories than it’s already 10 times easier to visualize their characteristics and become invested being as they’re already familiar— and it makes the story itself all the more riveting. But what they don’t realize or seem to even care about us that at the end of the day, fan fiction ain’t hurting nobody. I see that shit on Twitter all the time. If we’re not getting criticized for writing famfics in general then we’ll get criticized about how we portray them. Ironically one of my favorite nsfw artists threw shade at writers here recently saying that it’s so unappealing and unrealistic when they see a certain member smoking cigarettes and having a bad attitude and I sooo badly wanted to point out how ironic it was that someone who can draw a member getting fucked by a 6 dick’d incubus clone of himself, draw the line at bad boy tropes that smoke cigarettes in fanfics and basically say that it’s ridiculous and therefore “off putting”. Like if it’s not your cup of tea fine, but for some reason I was under the impression that they were apart of a judgemental free zone as they could empathize enough to not bash other people’s form of creativeness just because it doesn’t appeal to them? At least not publicly, on an account with hella followers that has a good bit of writers following them? But thankfully I had already seen people say that a character is a character and doesn’t have to be true to the actual person, and that’s something that also needs to be said to ppl who frown upon fanfic writers in general. Don’t generalize an entire group based off the little bit of cringe shit you’ve read. There’s THOUSANDS of us fanfic writers that blow after clear out of the water but they’re too stuck up to give it a chance. I get soooo fucking heated cuz I never see any YouTuber hyping up good content, they just find the worst ones to shit on for clout. Fuck those people.

[epcot-anthony]

College Tips

Hey guys!! This is obviously very off brand for the blog and I don’t know if anyone actually wants this but i’m bored so i’m going to do it anyways since a lot of schools start this week! Here’s just some things that I think may be good to know. Obviously take everything pretty lightly because everything is VERY dependent on your specific school/campus and you as a person! I hope this helps a little bit though!!

1.) Pack lightly. This is one that’s super relevant right now, but that’s not fully what I mean. A lot of people are going to say don’t bring your entire wardrobe and I agree with that, but by packing lightly I mean don’t bring all the little things. Don’t bring 10 bottles of perfume or 50 pairs of earrings if you do not think you will use those all the time. Little stuff totally adds up and will create some clutter! Right now especially I think it’s important to only bring the things you will use on a daily basis.

2.) Don’t fully trust ratemyprofessor. A lot of people will look on ratemyprofessor before they choose classes and I think that’s a super good thing, but it’s super important to realize that some reviews may not mean much at all. I know a lot of people get super worried when they have to choose a professor that has terrible reviews but I wouldn’t let that worry you too much. Everyone is so different so you may love a professor that someone hated and vise versa. Also, it’s good to realize that some people who leave reviews are the people who didn’t want to give any effort at all so that’s good to keep in mind.

3.) Be safe. Parties are totally fine (not during a pandemic, but that’s up to you I guess) but it’s super important to take precautions before going out. Go out with friends!! Unrelated to parties, but if you have to walk alone at night then self defense is super important! I haven’t heard people mention this one much before, but staying safe on dating apps is super important. Sharing your location with your friends before you meet with people is a very good idea!!

4.) It’s okay not to be best friends with your roommate. It is such a common misconception that you will go into college and be best friends with the person you took with. This does happen for some people but it does not happen to a lot of people either! It can totally suck and it’s something i’m still dealing with accepting, but it’s just important to realize that you can make friends in other ways. The only thing you really need to have with your roommate is respect for one another. With that, be a good person. Clean up after yourself, don’t be obnoxious when the other persons sleeping, and overall just be respectful.

5.) It’s okay to question your major. Lol still struggling with this but apparently it’s super normal!! As long as you are not absolutely miserable, I wouldn’t be concerned with occasionally questioning your major. If it’s something you genuinely do not want to do anymore though, then talk with your advisor! Also, career quizzes are fun if you ever are panicking! Very nice because sometimes they’ll give you your future career and it’s like oh cool, maybe I don’t need to panic over this! I also recommend looking into minors if you’re worried about the options your major limits you to.

6.) Figure out what’s right for you. I’m not sure how good of advice this is, but i’ll share it anyways. You will likely get the option of choosing when your classes are and within that you get to choose the order of your classes. It’s super important to begin to figure out if you are the type of person who enjoys 3 classes in a row to get them over with or the type of person who enjoys 2 classes in a row and then a 3 hour break before the next one. Also, when making your schedule it’s probably good to make note of the times and if those are realistic or not. Like, you need to eat lunch at some point so you probably shouldn’t have classes from 8am to 2pm every single day. Figuring out what’s best for you is great!

7.) It’s okay to not meet your best friend the first week of college. There is a pretty big stereotype that you will meet all your best friends and your entire friend group the first week of school and while that may happen for some people, it’s very unrealistic for others. It’s normal to not have all these friends a few days into being on campus. You will be alright, seriously. Class friends can be super amazing and you will probably make some of those! You will find friends at your own pace and that’s okay. You may never have a full friend group and that’s okay too! Really, do what makes you happy and realize that you are not the only one going through this.

8.) Make sure you are taking the right classes for your degree. So every major is different. Some majors will allow you to have complete freedom while others will have an exact set schedule for you for your entire college career. Realizing which of these you are in is especially important for class registration time (which sucks lol) because you need to know if you are allowed to select a random elective or if that will throw off your entire track. Again, talk with your advisor! Some are wonderful and some unfortunately are not. If yours isn’t, I would just try to figure out the specific classes you need to take before you register so you aren’t wasting money or delaying graduation.

9.) Textbooks. This section has a few things so we will go vague with the title! Now I know most schools make you rent textbooks for a crazy amount which sucks, but I fortunately don’t really deal with that so I can’t give much opinion there. If you’re in that situation, I do recommend looking at all the textbook sites online (i’m sorry I don’t have names but i’m sure they’re not too hard to find!!) and trying to find cheaper versions. So many classes you will not use the book once even if it’s required. Like..you may have required readings and still not reallyyy need to use the textbook. If you have some classes that require you to buy the books, don’t get them until the class has started. Don’t pay $200 for something you may not need at all. It is good to be prepared for class, but you probably won’t be the only one who didn’t get the textbook. I’ve had situations where the rental place will say a section doesn’t need the book and they do, so i’d just wait until class for that one!

10.) Don’t believe all the college advice you see. Yeah this is super weird to put in here, but I think it’s important. There will be so many college Youtube videos and blog articles telling you how your college experience is going to go and it’s best to take that lightly. One thing that I never realized was how different all schools are. I watched Youtube videos where the girls would talk about how everyone would open their doors and just be best friends with everyone and yeah that was absolutely not the case for me. Sooo many things will be campus, personal, and even dorm based so it’s so good to take things lightly. Don’t fully trust everything you see because it may cause you to be disappointed when you realize that you’re in the exact opposite situation. Just take everything super lightly!

Bonus stuff that’s kinda simple but still important:

10/10 recommend a fridge and microwave

Try not to miss class because it becomes a bad habit and will catch up to you

Being homesick is so extremely normal. It happens to almost everyone and it sucks. It might not even hit you until your second semester and it’s super hard, but I do believe it can be hardest when you don’t have responsibilities yet. Once classes start and you have a routine things will likely start to get easier.

Planners!! Are!! Great!!! (If you’re online for the semester, 10/10 recommend fully planning what assignments and things you need to get done every single day and just crossing them off like a checklist. It gives you a little bit of a routine)

Try to do laundry at weird times. A Tuesday at 2:30pm? Sure! Doing laundry with less people is much more enjoyable than doing it on a Friday or Saturday when there is a thousand people and there is random socks everywhere.

Emailing people when you have questions is never a bad thing. Anxiety sucksss but the thing I always think of is “this is likely not the worst email this person has ever received” and it makes me feel so much better.

I apologize for how long this may be!!! Idk, these might suck but hopefully they’re kinda helpful. I know they’re mostly academic based, but that stuff is always important too! If you have any questions or need literally anything you can always message me or send me an ask!! I believe in you!!

[neverheardnothing]

rewatching joe iconis and family lincoln center performance at 4 am instead of packing or sleeping just to feel something and i have so FEW and so MANY thoughts and yall are gonna hear em all. no i will not put this under a cut. im going to be an absolute bastard about this.

i love the story joe tells about why he's singing mitb as the first song so much. like. the spite of it all. the defiance of it all. the pride of it all. the dig it or fuck off and disappear of it all. the joe iconis of it all. 

“i know exactly the song im going to sing as my first song at the american songbook series.” i love that he highlights the fact that this is the american songbook series.

then immediately jumping right into broadway here i come with molly hager, the other song he is most known for!!!

every time i think about this performance i think about how this was the first (?) time this song was performed by them since the closing of bmc.

and then lance rubin comes up to sing try again. which is the only time that i know of that anyone but joe has sung this song.

i remember a remark made during watching it live that having someone else sing the song made it seem so clearly more about joe and his career. but also having lance sing it immediately makes me think of bbh closing early which yeah is part of joe’s career but also lance’s.

and also the line “if you’re an actor and another actor gets the part you auditioned for” reminds me of how lance found the auditioning process of acting and the whole [not acting part] of an acting career to be terrible which is why he quit to then become an author and the juxtaposition of him singing try again is Something. but also he DID try again he is just applying his efforts to a different creative field and it’s working out great for him. good for lance rubin.

lol i haven’t even talked about the actual performance aspect of this song anyways it’s very different from the two versions ive seen of joe doing it. he plays it a lot more comical. i love it.

sidenote not specific about this performance, but i love love LOVE the line and the music at “use the stairs, walk to the street. see the people, feel the heat, and apply yourself again.”

and also the line “when they cast you out to sea, there’s a lifeboat manned by me called try and try again” will never not make me think of bsol/last on land and bonus lance was also in that show! it just keeps circling around.

everything about these past 3 songs performed at this venue in this set list order in this moment at joe’s career is honestly so wonderful. like you had a songs about an anxiety attack, a suicide/loss of self in success, and repeated failures before this song all sung by individuals. two of these songs were written at points where joe felt frustrated/sad with his career. one written in the aftermath of specific frustration about the first closing of be more chill. one an actual song from bmc. like what a SETLIST for your first three songs! fucking michael in the bathroom, broadway here i come, and try again. truly something.

THE WHISKEY SONG!! i love hearing joe sing so much. while i think we can all agree he’s not the most skilled singer there’s something special about hearing a composer perform their own work. he adds like 3 levels of charm to make up for lack of singing skills lol. just a very charismatic guy.

lance rubin back on tamborine for the next bit of the song and he’s like laughing through it. not completely sure what he’s laughing about honestly but this Is a comedic song (after 3 real downers of songs) and also joe was playing it up.

jared weiss down on the floor with his guitar playing along. that’s its own bullet point.

audience cheering as more family members start coming on stage! i love that the band is getting cheers. love that!!!

the camera isn’t on him but from the audio, nick blaemire is presumably running around giving high fives to people in the audience.

i can’t exactly tell with the camera angle and the lighting but i think that more family members get up from different seats in the audience or at least enter in the back and walk through the audience to get to the stage during this instrumental break. reminds me of how joe loves theater that physically touches you. giving you high fives in this case.

love liz lark brown. she plays it pretty like. frenetic and frazzled. love it.

amara, badia, danielle, will, and nick are just chillin sitting on the steps of the stage. 100% contributes to the vibe of this song. top fuckin notch.

SOMEONE screams AH during the drunk part of the song and i cannot figure out who but it gives me so much life.

jared pulling lance down to the floor with him.

jason going “man.... this place is a dump” like i LOVE the irreverence.

everyone actually getting back up and also converging On the stage during the (kind of) acapella break.

and now your whole gang is up on the stage at the fancy ass appel room singing your what sounds like a mostly upbeat fun song but is actually about self medication with alcohol and it’s a fucking jam. i love the 3 solo songs and then bringing in everyone for a big group number.

sidenote not about this specific performance: the lyrics “i’ll pour some more and then—AND THEN?—i’ll pass out and then—AND THEN!” the and thens were not on the things to ruin album and i wonder why not ALL the time. was it just deemed extraneous? or was this an innovation after the album was recorded?

i love that you can see the band singing along.

yesterdays / i can’t relate. i love this song i fucking love it. i love the synthy keyboard that was an active choice made. which means that joe is not the one accompanying jared in this song.

jared: i hate today. joe: *snorts in the background*

“i like music you can hold” -> old records black suits, susannah’s obsession with music which was of course in vinyl format back then

will once said hearing lgw was very exciting because he’s first and foremost a fan of joe’s so he was hearing a new joe song for the first time and the world got just a bit larger and i think about that quote a lot in relation to this song because i was like Oh i Get What He Means now because this is the first new joe song i heard since like getting into his work and i felt that world getting a bit bigger.

jared’s monotone chorus on top of the girls underneath is so good. it’s so fucking good i cannot.

liz lark brown velociraptor fuckin classic. specifically in this performance the weird ass electric guitar noise at “there’s a dinosaur” is SO good. i love it.

i know people say Trans Vibes from next song (jeff) but this song also gives me trans vibes. i think joe inadvertently writes stuff trans people relate to because of his propensity to write for People Who Are Different.

people cheering as will takes off his jacket hell yeah.

i am way more used to the jeremy morse version of this song and really consider it more his so it’s so fun to hear will sing it.

i love the canon of the “oh”s so much.

after will sings “i go to the window looking out and what do i see? myself just staring back at me.” and someone in the audience AUDIBLY goes “oh.” like what a MOMENT. way more subtle than when someone screamed “WHAT” at the “naked korean girl” reveal during the pipe night performance but on the same tier of Great Audience Reactions.

smooth fuckin gliss bro i love it. arms out by side. i love it.

Classic Jason Sweettooth Williams Singing Helen. but this time they added like some REAL like. oh god i have no idea how to describe it. electric crunchy electric guitar noises. and it’s so good.

i havent mentioned this yet but in the background of every song people who are not in it or are backup vocals are just sitting and jamming along and it’s so nice because me fuckin too.

honest to god just have to give a timestamp for this but bullet point for whatever the fuck eric is doing in the background here.

will and katrina circling each other singing directly into each other’s faces. so good.

the Unexpected dynamic change and following crescendo i am Living.

katrina rose dideriksen riffing up top. yes. YES.

joe starting to play helen sharp and then forgetting part of his introduction to the song is so good.

the inevitable laughter at any performance of this song at “it is not lost on me you’re all here at my show”

i know nothing about the movie death becomes her so i honestly always just think about joe when this song gets performed. also thinking about how in the youtube premiere of this song, joe was talking about how lauren was shouting out the names of all the musical theater composers joe is jealous of.

right place/wrong time. i read a bsol review a while ago about how katrina rose dideriksen was underutilized and gotta say i Agree holy Shit let her sing More.

i also remember how joe once said this song felt the most personal to him and that he cried when writing it

police siren piano.

the first time in this entire song they sing in sync is at the line “i wonder if his/her life is just like mine” and i just start screaming.

when eric and katrina turn to each other for the first time and start singing At each other!!!!!!!!!!!

honey! thinking about jen ash tep talking about how Each performance of this song gets Wilder and Wilder.

love it when nick just gets off the stage and starts singing to people in the audience. apparently one of the people was will’s mom lol.

ACAPELLA BREAK!!!!!! joe just fully gets up from piano and starts WILDLY clapping along!!!!

woman of a certain age! i remember when the live show happened the album had not come out yet and then when the yt premiere of it happened it Had been out for a week or so.

piano note elevator bell

the electric guitar is doing some fucking weird ass things in this song and i am living so fucking much for it.

the riffs badia does are so fucking incredible i immediately paused this video to go and watch her sing big fat ruby again just because i wanted more badia content.

the story behind old flame is so good and joe waiting until the last fuckin moment to give her the song is so fuckin funny.

i love love love these types of joe songs that are like 7 minute long story epics like right place/wrong time and the actress and ammonia and old flame.

“the best way to get past the past is to shoot it in the head” and then the audience cheers and i fucking love it. my commentary is getting shorter. it’s 6 am and i’m tired can you tell. i also just had a lot of thoughts about this early on and less thoughts about later on.

revolution song. the deep ass fucking electric bass is So good i Will go apeshit. like honestly that might be my favorite smaller detail of this song. like i imagine if i were in the room it might be loud and deep enough that i could feel it In my chest. like you can Feel the revolution coming.

i love the faster tempo revolution song has in the cabaret version.

i also love the cabaret specific lines of “evolution in the institution”

joey is a punk rocker was honestly not ever on the list of songs i thought would get performed here but im so glad that they did. like the obvious choice would have been veins for annie golden but they went this route. obsessed with this choice. obsessed with the fact that amphibian replaced this song as the act 2 opener. obsessed that annie is the one singing this.

i am never not screaming about wave and yall know this. just throwback to me losing it in the tags in a reblog of picture of the wave passage going on about how it really does mirror joe’s career and bmc specifically. and again this song being performed for the first (?) time since bmc closed makes the “so today on a hill in las vegas” and onward part SO fucking sad i literally just started crying. the entire song being in past tense up until that part. i will just go die now.

will in the yt premiere talking about texting the line “our energy would simply prevail” in the leadup to bmc coming back.

find the bastard. for some reason when this happened live i thought it was gonna be outlaw that was performed. 

i swear to god it is literally physically impossible for me not to AT LEAST mouth along to “what’s your name, what’s your name” during this song

NAMES ARE FOR ACCOUNTANTS.

MY NAME IS AWFUL LONG AS IT’S THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG.

the goodbye song. it’s never not sad. i love love love that this song is the final song every concert. i also love the recent lore of finding out that penny dreadfuls was the encore song at concerts before they became too long and it had to get cut.

finally gonna mention the background car lights. what a beautiful backdrop.

also since im always on my wrol bullshit i love how fucking clearly you can hear him at the end

accelerando accelerando accelerando. insert [joe iconis peaked when he wrote the accelerando in the goodbye song post of mine].

katrina singing an octave up is always SO fucking impressive i am so impressed by her voice she is so fucking good i love her so much

the bows are so fucking sweet i love them.

goodnight it’s 7 am.

[odannygirl7]

Carnival of Aros - July 2020

I've been meaning to type about this for a while, but then this month's carnival of aros is about music, so I figured... well, two birds one stone I suppose lol.

Musicals are sort of like music right? I mean, I don’t think this is too far from the idea, even if it was meant to be about, like, individual songs.

This is about a whole musical where I just immediately felt that it was a missed aromantic opportunity.

Company.

Company is a musical by Sondheim from the 70s that seems to be brought back every decade or so. It’s about a guy, Bobby, on the night of his 35th birthday. He’s a bachelor, the only one among a bevy of married friends - all of whom wonder why he can’t keep a girl and hasn’t gotten married yet. The show moves through snippets of Bobby’s experiences with his friends… they’re all basically trapped between the horribleness of being married and the horribleness of, well, not. They love Bobby for his freedom, for the advice he gives, for the fun he brings into their life, for watching their kids, for always being there without being a detriment to their coupleness.

But the entire play is them badgering him about why he isn’t getting married.

There’s also three of Bobby’s girlfriends who wonder the same thing, what’s wrong with him, why can’t he commit.

One could also view it as Bobby internalizing everything his friends and lovers have said in the past and having a freak out about it. The whole show is kinda… disjointed in that, while it takes place all on one night, the majority of scenes are from the past or possibly not real.

The show is set up, for most people, to be a commentary about, idk, like growing up or realizing that you can’t be alone or you gotta be open and vulnerable, but like you need to share your life with someone and that someone… uhh, can’t be your friends cause they all have their significant others and that’s the way things are (*hard side eye* lmao). And that’s a real shame, because the show is this wonderfully accidental portrait of a closeted aromantic struggling not only with the pressure of the conventional relationship narrative, but with friends who buy into that. Bobby doesn’t know what he is, or can’t accept it, or can’t admit it, and he’s struggling to force himself to feel the things that come so naturally to everyone he knows.  He wants love, to be loved, but what’s in him, what he’s capable of, isn’t what everyone else has. I mean, look, he’s 35 and has never been in love, doesn’t understand love… *looks into the camera like I’m on The Office* come on.

I’m not going to go through the whole show, just hit on some highlights that scream aromantic to me, cause not all the songs are about Bobby’s relationships. Some are about the other character’s relationships. There’s 18 songs in this musical, lots of material.

Here’s a link to the whole thing … this is the 2006 version with Raul Esparza, who is fantastic.

We’ll start in Act 1 and go from there. About halfway through we get Bobby’s three girlfriends singing “You Could Drive a Person Crazy". This is an upbeat, vicious song about how they feel betrayed that he never takes things to the next level. They can understand if he was gay, or bad in bed, or actually dead… but Bobby is none of those things, instead he’s a crazy, troubled, person who has something wrong with him. He’s a zombie with a loose connection.

I don’t think I’m the only aro who’s been called similar.

Later Bobby sings about someone (“Someone is Waiting”)… an amalgamation of all his lady friends… pleading for this person to wait, because he’s ready. He wants to find them, if he’s not out of luck and too late. He already has what he’s looking for, theoretically… if only an alternative relationship structure existed. As is, he has to try and find someone new. Conform to the idea of the superiority and inevitability of the exclusive pair bonded romantic-sexual relationship.

When one of his friends is freaking out about getting married, close to calling off the wedding, he proposes to her. Because it makes sense. She doesn’t want to be married, he doesn’t want to be married, they can both be married and have their freedom, everyone will leave them alone.

“You have to want to marry somebody, not just some body,” says Bobby’s friend, deciding that she really does want to marry her fiance.

This leads to Bobby singing “Marry Me A Little”, imagining a marriage as being soft and respectful, no big fights, no big promises… and that he’s ready for that. Things like mutual respect and care. “We won’t have to give up a thing, we’ll stay who we are,” he sings. “I’m ready now.”

There comes a point as an aro (tho this applies to aces and people of any orientation who don’t really want a relationship as well), or for, I think, a lot, or a good number, of aros when you start looking at a future that doesn’t have the spouse and the kids and pets and picket fence. When you start to come to grips that you might be looking at an empty road instead. And it’s not necessarily that you don’t want that, or that you really want something else, but there’s a kinda scary point where you realize that it might just be you, alone. That no matter what friends you have or partners or whatever… that they’re eventually going to want to “get serious” and “have their own lives”, lives that don't include you as a main component. And “somebody”, anybody, that will make it so you’re not alone starts sounding pretty good. You’re almost desperate for it. If you could just find that right person, the one that would make it make sense to have the spouse and kids and pets and picket fence… you could do that. You could. It’d be so easy. And then you’d have someone and isn’t that what everyone wants?

Anyway… Act 2.

All the married couples sing about how much they love having Bobby around in "Side by Side by Side". But then also rag on him about how worried they are for him being alone and try to set him up ("Poor Baby" and "Have I Got A Girl for You"), which is par for the course I think for an aro.

There’s also “Barcelona”, where Bobby makes a vague, surface, “going through the motions” plea to one of his girlfriends that she should stay after they’ve slept together. He doesn’t try very hard and when she decides to stay, well he sings “oh god”. ‘Nuff said.

All of that is, you know, it builds, but the real highlight in Act 2 is “Being Alive”, which is where Bobby finally learns that he really does need someone.

Or, you know, when he’s been beaten down by life and his friends and partners so badly and so thoroughly that he decides that he’s not even alive if he’s alone. That he needs another person to make him alive. “Alone is alone, not alive.” Tragic.

He starts off with things like being held too close and hurt too deep, to which his friends comment about how he can’t possibly think that that’s all there is, telling him he has no reason to be alone, encouraging him to keep going cause he’s “on to something”.

Bobby’s seen the terrible bits of their marriages and, to his friends, also the good bits. But if you read Bobby as aromantic then he has no context for the “good bits”. He’s watched them dig at one another with secret info, argue, pester, have the other person say they hate it… and then it’s just fine, because of ~feelings~??? Incomprehensible magic. There’s a trick in there somewhere and Bobby can’t see it.

But Bobby’s trying. Forcing himself. If he just really thinks about everything they’ve told him...

“Hey, buddy, don't be afraid it won't be perfect. The only thing to be afraid of really is that it won't be,” says one friend. Yikes. “It's much better living it than looking at it, Robert,” says another. And I suppose if you do have feelings for someone, it’s not that bad.

Bobby finally… it’s sad, really… like I know it’s supposed to be a song of him figuring everything out, but it feels like a descent. He’s given in. He believes there’s literally nothing for him, he’s not living, unless he has another person. “make me aware of being alive” “make me alive”

Horrific.

I’m not entirely sure how, like if this show were to be reworked with Bobby as aromantic (and god knows it gets revived enough, it could happen if anyone knew what aromanticity was) how that would be communicated. Unless, like, you had Bobby admitting that he is aro from the start, but you’d have to assume that the audience would know what that was and actually, you know, not agree with all the other characters.

The latest revival in 2018 did a gender swap with Bobby, which is something. Now, I had thought it was just Bobby as the swap, but they swapped all her girlfriends into boyfriends and then made one of the married couples gay. Apparently, according to reviews, the whole thing was a revelation and really freshened up because, you know, it’s super hip and modern to do a “ticking bio clock” story line with a woman nowadays. (there's also the soundtrack to the gender swap on youtube, it's got Pattie LuPone in it!)

Personally, I would have just swapped Bobby… I’m not sure how well an aro reading there would play, not because there aren’t aro lesbians, but I feel like there are a lot of layers to a lesbian not wanting to u-haul and then getting harangued for it by her presumably hetero friends steeped in hetero society, just aside from any aromanticity.

But the whole thing takes on a very tragic tone when reading Bobby as aro, I think. I suppose what’s even more tragic is that Sondheim probably has no idea that he possibly wrote an aromantic character. He thinks he wrote a show about fixing someone who was broken. Just like the show Bones fixed Bones from being broken and how HIMYM fixed Robin and (tried to fix) Barney. I need to find a better way to end this, probably, we’ll see…

I wrote this three weeks ago on pillowfort and did not find a better ending lmao.

[weed-ols]

Reviewing Every UKISS Release: By Unpopular Demand ~ NEVERLAND

This release, by no exaggeration, permanently altered the direction of my life. This album is just hit after hit, and oscillates between adrenaline rush and sobbing loudly from the abrupt mood swings between songs, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

And yeah, this was supposed to be posted months ago but when I was grabbing screenshots, the post glitched and never saved and I rage quit writing this, but I'm back now!

NEVERLAND - 2nd Studio Album | 2011.09.01

This was so big when it came out, like I think if you were an international fan of K-pop at the time, you'd 100% know this song. Like there were download links for it everywhere, dance covers, fan uploads, it was crazy. We were so sure they were going to get their first music show win, but in classic UKISS fashion, they overlapped with another titanic comeback and had to settle for second.

So there was a little docuseries about them in 2011, when exactly it took place, I'm not entirely sure, but I'm fairly certain it was during NEVERLAND promotions. It was technically about all of the members, and the work that goes into being an idol. Some funny bits I remember about it -

Kevin accidentally stomping on Soohyun's foot during practice

Worrying about their future because groups that don't win a music show in their first 3 years usually disband (lol we're in the big old year 2024 now)

Dongho eating cake in the bathroom like a gremlin

Eli's alleged bachelor pad

I actually don't remember if this was in this documentary or from something else, but Hoon saying Kevin was the meanest to him when he first joined because he would tease him over not knowing how to dance

About the actual album now, I think that this, like Bran New Kiss, is another real turning point for them. We get a good mix of dance songs and more emotional songs, we have their first unit songs, and first real self-written song (albeit just lyrical composition with some help, but still baby steps!!)

Intro | YouTube Music 7.1k | Spotify 31k

It's 56 seconds long and basically a NEVERLAND remix

What is there to review?

7.5/10 I don't hate it though

NEVERLAND (Audio) | YouTube Music 26M | Spotify 2.5M

This went triple platinum in my bedroom I was so in love with this song (still am a bit)

One of the few songs where everyone is an active and roughly equal participant

Soohyun, Kevin, and Dongho get a bit more though but that's fine

"Money love fashion fame and all that's in between" what a banger line from Eli for once I'm not laughing at him

"And we stay forever young" Dongho, the most babyfaced baby to ever baby says

"Ggeuteun eobseo never end/Yeogin Neverland" part of the chorus? Batshit so good I love it

Some interesting vocal/rapper combos - Kevin/Kiseop/Eli; Hoon/AJ/Dongho; AJ/Kevin/Kiseop; Hoon/Eli/Kiseop/Dongho

Chorus is basically Kevin/Soohyun + Hoon for the second one

It's not very deep, but I am a sucker for the eternal youth and hedonism themes

Makes a fun dance track just slightly dark, like we're having fun at the club but also a little scared

I also like that while the vocals have clearly been processed for stylistic purposes, you can still really hear the differences in their voices, and the power in Soohyun and Kevin

9.5/10 it's just so iconic

NEVERLAND (MV) | Official upload 23M

Just realized it's been years since I've actually properly watched this MV but good god if it isn't permanently burnt into my brain

I have so many questions about who this mysterious DJ is and his purpose

Is he the reason they're seemingly trapped in this wintry apocalyptic-esque space? Is he why the party never stops? Is he even human?

Iconique this was my laptop's wallpaper for like a good year in middle school (which is a super long time)

These tinsel tops are both questionable and perfect, love the way the fabric and fringes move

This was like peak male fashion in 2011 where copious amounts of guyliner can give untold confidence

Like guyliner so thick it removes the need for eyeshadow

That's deadass gotta be like an entire bottle of liquid liner right there

Also I really like that hair colour on him

Peak male hairstyle in 2011

Like I think this was almost universal where if a guy in middle/high school had this haircut, he was automatically the coolest guy

Or in my experience, every Asian guy had either this hair, a buzzcut, or a bowlcut, those were the only hairstyles from like 2008-2012

Not the statement necklace

OH BABY WE'RE BACK IN THE ABANDONED WAREHOUSE

This is honestly one of my favourite parts

Also someone please let them out of the freezer the floor is cold and hard

FREE HIM

Love the obligatory smoulder and brood shots of the members so angsty for no reason

I like to think that this ice sculpture actually ate up majority of the budget along with the plethora of arts and crafts baubles attached to their outfits and eyeliner

Love love love this bit of choreo

I was so obsessed with this water set as a kid and still am

So obviously there isn't much to talk about the MV since it's basically a bunch of dance videos in different sets spliced with some brooding solo shots and smouldering group shots

But you know what? It works the song has enough going on that if the MV had more it would feel like too much

The sets are standard vaguely apocalyptic wastelands, and I really like the blue snowy one and the orange water one in particular

Three outfits -- the black tanks with the silver mesh/tinsel loose tank over; the black short-sleeve/sleeveless tops with metallic accents, and the white outfits at the end, and they all look good still and in motion

The hairstyles were all fine, with Kevin and Kiseop really embodying Peak 2011 Male Fashion, and Dongho with the most bowlcut to ever bowl

9/10 so iconic so good so 2011

NEVERLAND (Stages) | Highest viewed 765k (Music Core)

I was so obsessed with this when it came out like how could I not? Also incredible that they've brought The Box, which was not one of the sets used for the MV, to the music show absolutely incredible

It's like they gotta hit all the second gen tropes they can

Can't tell if I love or hate this motion sickness-inducing camera work

I can't take this part seriously anymore because I keep thinking about that charades game they played in Japan where they all mocked Kevin for this

The lines his arms make are very nice though, sharp and straight

That hair is ahead of its time

Another personal favourite part of the dance

Love that the smaller group work

This is more on the camera, but those background dancers integrated in seamlessly

Also love that everyone gets a chance to be centre I think that's really cute and everyone gets some time to shine

RIP to this arm pumping movement that disappears in like 2012 and the fact that AJ kept doing this last year

This part is so good

Everyone crowding around Soohyun while he belts, the turns, so good

Kinda like he's sucking up their energy to sustain his singing lol

Firstly, outfits

Love that they're all wearing the same basic black vest and pants, and have their own gold accents for the vests. Super simple but interesting to look at, moves very nicely

Nobody has hair crimes against humanity, just the standard 2011 hairstyles

Singing-wise, oh this was absolutely live and it's kind of insane they did all of this?

Like yeah of course there's the backtrack, but it's obvious when they're singing live versus letting the backtrack take over for the moment

I completely get why they were constantly talking about having to improve their health and fitness for this comeback because wow they sound really clean, both the vocal and rap lines

Also get why they said this was dangerous for their health, I remember trying to learn the dance and it was hard. I can't imagine having to train the dance and sing cleanly like that

On the topic of singing while dancing and the fitness and skill required for it, I think the NEVERLAND choreo is really interesting in that regard

There's a lot of up and down movement, lots of arm and footwork, but the torso stays relatively intact

Not static, but very shoulders-ribs-hips connected, and a lot of the interesting shapes and lines in the dance are mostly illusions created from arm, leg, and head placements

Which makes sense because while I don't sing, I'd imagine that keeping the torso straight and connected would help with maximizing airflow

Overall, they all did great. Everyone got their little moments to shine, though of course Soohyun shone the most, and nobody was super eyecatching, which is really good for this kind of dance

10/10 this is definitely one of those songs where the live stages are just insane to watch (*cough cough* SBS Chuseok water stage *cough cough*

Anyway, lookbook time

These feathered monstrosities with the rhinestoned tops

I swear they brought it up during UKISS On The Block when they were bemoaning second gen fashion

I think I see the vision of drawing attention to the upper body and arm lines, but it just makes their shoulders look perma-hunched

Love the skinny jeans, combat boots, and black jacket look

The individualized jackets with gold embellishments never misses

The dangly bits really help draw attention in a good way without ruining the overall lines

The white ensemble is nice, cuts a clean silhouette

But I don't like that Kevin and Hoon have theirs unbuttoned I get why, but I think if some of the others were also unbuttoned, or if they just had a different cut it would look better

The flopping vest is just a bit weird

So these outfits are from a 2011.12.30 special performance

Love love love it why did they tease a vampire concept like this if they weren't ever going to do it

Also really love reusing these vests with white skinny jeans, it's such a clean look

Shiny silver trashbag vests and blazers with white jeans

Not loving the cut of the blazers though I do think vests are probably the way to go for the dance

I do love these blazers though the slimmer-cut is definitely more flattering

Baby Don't Cry | YouTube Music 661k | Spotify 250k

I genuinely think this could've been a title track of its own it's so good

Another staple of my tween years - it's sad and angsty and moody

I like how the song song builds by letting all these sweet-toned singers do the first half before the second half is basically dominated by Soohyun and AJ + Kevin backing

Those first two verses honestly sound so pretty, and fit very well considering it's just them being sad boys

Second half is being slightly angry and petty, so of course Soohyun fits it perfectly

It's a genre-crossing "baby I love you please come back" to "baby you broke up with me :(" to "I'm gonna fight this other dude and I hope you become miserable >:c"

So so petty "I'm going to wish for your unhappiness"

Also went triple platinum in my bedroom

9.75/10 I would've given it a 9/10 for the first two verses alone they were that good

SOMEDAY (audio) | YouTube Music 1.5M | Spotify 336k

I'm fairly certain this is their first real slow song?

This was and still is such a comfort song

I love that it's a weepy song, not because it's sad in any way, but just because it's literally a comfort song

Another great collaborative effort for the first half before letting Soohyun and Kevin take the second half

Kinda surprised Hoon doesn't have more individual lines

Again, NH was kinda cooking by accident when they put them together like their voices all work so well

It's a shame we don't get to hear Dongho sing more I like his voice

The chorus is single-handedly responsible for getting me through middle school

10+ years later I still get a bit misty-eyed from this sometimes

8.5/10 I think it's a great foray into softer and more emotional songs, not their best especially compared to their JP ones, but a fantastic first go

SOMEDAY (stages) | Highest viewed 130k (Fan upload)

I don't remember them promoting this song that much yet there's so many stages?

I remember this Wave Kpop one but not the others

There's not much to really talk about since it's just singing, but it is crazy to hear Eli sing here versus even just a couple years later like he improved a lot

Super funny when Dongho sings his part and when Kevin's harmonization comes in, you completely lose Dongho's voice lol

These outfits are fine, simple, but gets the job done

Also lol Kevin wearing full smokey eye makeup here

Ooh these outfits are cozy, love the earthy palette

But also peak preppy 2011

Hoon in a full winter jacket is super funny though like everyone else is just dressed for autumn

More cozy fits, but this time in black/white/grey

Lol Dongho's little newsie cap

And Kevin's poncho like can we talk about how in ponchos were in 2011-2012?

They also sound super on in this performance. Probably the best version of the Dongho-Kevin bit I've heard

You can also pick out all the others singing during the chorus, which is pretty rare

Black jackets over white shirts with white pants, hard to go wrong

The blazers over graphic tees was so in at the time

Oh I love this very cohesive look

I don't love the jackets but the aesthetic is so consistent I don't hate it?

Different looks but very similar, very well done

Take Me Away | YouTube Music 1.3M | Spotify 272k

The goddamn faint emergency siren is literally both the worst and best part of this song because it adds ambience, but I hate the possible implications of it

Hoon/Kevin duet?!?!?! The first and last they literally just did this one song together and never again

It's like they knew this couldn't be topped and just had to pack it up

Love that every part of this song is so simple and understated so that their sweet and slightly teary voices can shine love that for them

Lyrics are hella depressing, which is why I actually don't have this on a lot of playlists because I can and will cry

I think the lives of this are way better (unsurprisingly) they really hit you with the full brunt of everything

8.5/10 simple, depressing, and understated for all the right reasons

ON THE Floor | YouTube Music 246k | Spotify 166k

I love that that's literally the official title like why is it capitalized like this

So we're just gonna completely change the mood with a fun dance song now

Soohyun/Kevin duet featuring AJ, Hoon, and Kiseop in roughly equal parts

Kiseop gets a whole verse to himself?!?!

Really is just a party song with a dash of "girl we in love"

8/10 it's a fun song that does its job, it's just not a standout in any way

Love Of A Friend | YouTube Music 434k | Spotify 68k

Back to slow and emotional again

This song doubles as both a friendzone anthem and a situationship anthem like what do you mean "we're not friends, we're not lovers"??

Another song where everyone gets a little part I love it

Opening with Soohyun/Hoon/Kevin? Goated I love the slowly increasing sweetness

Third verse with the entire vocal line stuffed in there? Incredible

I also think that verse is just so sweet lyrically

It's such a sappy love song it almost feels out of place in their KR discography like this would 100% work for a JP release

I think they all sing the chorus? Hard to tell because Soohyun and Kevin are always loud as hell and drown everyone else out, but I can hear Hoon and AJ pretty clearly at times

The bridge confuses me greatly because Soohyun clearly sings the second line, but the first line sounds like it's split between Hoon and Kiseop

I wish there was a live of this so I could confirm it

Why is there no live for this??? A travesty I say an absolute travesty

The last chorus though? Incredible

Soohyun belting his little heart out like rent's due, Kevin fighting for attention, and AJ randomly busting through

10/10 I can't even put into words how much I love this song it's one of their best slow songs

Story of April | YouTube Music 68k | Spotify 43k

Soohyun landing their first collabotration with a female artist good for him

It's a weepy love song, which is basically his forte

I think it's nice, not my favourite, but I do like their voices together

7.75/10 I don't have much else to add, but something about the song makes me feel like it's missing something?

Obsession | YouTube Music 692k | Spotify 192k

2SEOP 2SEOP 2SEOP

The chokehold this had me in was insane

I think this was one of the most listened-to song on my iPod throughout all of middle school and part of high school

I was so not normal about this song and I'm still not how could I be when I was so completely in love with the both of them

And it's so cute they cowrote this

"Love which is effable" AJ that was such a banger

Remember when they performed this for their 2012 tour and when AJ sings "tears are falling down" he just starts tenderly carressing Kiseop's cheek???

I really do like their voices paired together

Also does anyone remember if this came out before AJ's whole obsessive lover bit started or was it after, because either way I'm impressed he stuck to it at least until 2014

Like I'm sorry but that one Q&A game they played where the others were all like "being clingy/having a clingy lover is too bothersome :/" while AJ is just stomping his foot and shouting "love equals obsession!!" is soooo funny to me

Anyway when are we getting our Siyoon/Kiseop-produced UKISS album?? Like the chances of this actually happening now are significantly higher than when this idea was first floated

9/10 literally altered my brain chemistry

TOP THAT | YouTube Music 294k | Spotify 110k

Okay so now we're back to Bad Boy™ UKISS with another arrogant dance track

And the autotune is back babyyy

That persistent 'lalala' synth is both super annoying and infuriatingly catchy

Also lowkey kinda anxiety-inducing

So this is basically Soohyun's song since he's basically singing like half of it himself

AJ and Kevin get the next most lines, with AJ getting a whole rap to himself and Kevin coming and going throughout the entire song

Hoon, Dongho, Eli, and Kiseop are fighting for scraps lol

Honestly I don't remember feeling like AJ ever got so many parts, but this journey is proving me otherwise

Aggressively arrogant song

So I think that this is an angry post-breakup song where they're bitching at their ex?

7.5/10 I don't hate it, but the synth sound is so annoying. Otherwise, very normal uwukiss song

Tell Me Y | YouTube Music 88k | Spotify 81k

Rap line song??? Kinda sorta it's just Dongho and Eli with Swin PD doing the singing

Surprisingly slow and mellow song for what is ostensibly the rap line song

If you guessed this song is another "baby I miss you please come back" song, you'd be right

A very even three-person collaboration everyone got lines yay

I really like the instrumentation for this song, very chill and easy to listen to

8/10 I feel like I always forget about this song when I make playlists it's really nice

Let's Meet Again | YouTube Music 17k | Spotify 9.4k

Group project with Paran to cover a Paran song lol

Thank you Eli for the elephant impression, truly don't know what we'd do without you

So yeah it starts with a long group chat for the first few minutes while the 9 of them are stuffed in that recording booth

By the way, there's a making of album video of this and it's super adorable

The Paran guys are just teasing and babying Soohyun like that's exactly what he deserves

It's a bit difficult to sort through the voices because I'm not familiar with Paran, but it sounds mostly like the vocal line + the Paran guys

I think it's Paran who starts off, followed by Hoon and Kevin, then the vocal troika dominating the first chorus

Second verse sounds like Eli, who sounds very nice, followed by an equally nice Kiseop, then AJ, then the second chorus that's dominated by AJ and Kevin

Then SooHoon helping build into the very pretty last chorus that's mostly the Paran guys + Soohyun

I just kind of wish there was something else to help resolve the ending since it just kinda comes down, but the payoff doesn't feel super satisfying?

It's very pretty I love the instrumentation and how well it builds

You know, I've always wondered where AJ got his singing style from, like it's super distinct compared to the others, and he must have learnt/mimicked it from his Paran bros 🥺

It's such a mushy 'let's meet again' type song I love it

God I'd kill to hear a proper live of this done it'd be so good

8.75/10 god the buildup is so good and I love vocal-heavy songs

So yeah, after a very long time, I'm finally done with NEVERLAND, and we're entering their JP era next, yay!

Not a fun fact, but just a general observation, but this whole 2011-2014 period is so insane to me? Like they basically work nonstop for those 3 years doing constant promotions in Korea and Japan, international tours/concerts, all while members are coming and going? Honestly more surprised they didn't all crash and burn, considering how middling the returns were, but I guess that's why they're all batshit

[led123123]

I know you guys are gonna call me a sellout now

but I don’t care

https://images.app.goo.gl/c9KUTyiDkH3b7L8m8

https://youtu.be/H2okI6ZszQY?t=53

bullshit

https://youtu.be/H2okI6ZszQY?t=116

https://youtu.be/H2okI6ZszQY?t=134

https://youtu.be/z88_26M2xQk

fucking hate these fucking “cleaners” who clean vacuum clean dust

fucking cleaners..

cleaners.

trash

https://youtu.be/E4TygUpWUTQ

https://youtu.be/E4TygUpWUTQ?t=93

https://youtu.be/E4TygUpWUTQ?t=222

https://youtu.be/E4TygUpWUTQ?t=233

I wonder who is singing this part.. because there is like.. 4 girls... not 2

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=170

so this is the only song I heard

https://youtu.be/xKMT44GBaUI

because this one is fiestar

https://youtu.be/xKMT44GBaUI?t=36

she has very cute voice. and.. her voice is.. you know.. she doesn’t sound like an adult and she sounds cute but I don’t think that she’s naive

I think that she’s the type of person that.. has parents that make sure that she has everything

is this their only song I know?

they put her on thumbnails always

https://youtu.be/ShGVCembq70?t=50

I saw this on thumbnail for some reason

https://youtu.be/ShGVCembq70?t=37

these fruits were in last video..

https://youtu.be/hBNHEPI5TT0?t=435

I wonder what “iroke” means

https://images.app.goo.gl/1Sw38h3KbG94uS338

https://youtu.be/NPqtL1dtrlA

https://youtu.be/E9LkIHl-DeM

https://youtu.be/BmzrLQKocjk?t=57

https://youtu.be/beTK6vWAq8U

https://youtu.be/okqF28Rz92g

https://youtu.be/cNLToOigQoM

coaching

coaching was so funny in my games.. I was like.. I didn’t know what that was.. so I was like.. who the fuck is talking all the time.. on microphone. lol.. and we won and I rated coach “bad” xD because I didn’t know even who was talking all game. and he was mad in chat that I gave him bad review.

and then I saw that he was mad in chat on giving him bad rating. it was me who gave him bad rating because I didn’t know that he was in the game.. I was just wondering who is talking on microphone all the time because it was a new thing and it never was in before

so he was so mad that he got one bad review

he was talking all game and I was wondering who is talking.. because I didn’t know who is talking

because it’s the first time I saw it

I just clicked.. whatever to get to the end screen and there was a coach rating screen.. but I didn’t know about this new thing so I didn’t even read that and clicked “no” to get to get out of it

https://youtu.be/5OckREah0ug

because he was telling people to donate instead of subscribing.. that’s why they banned him

they don’t ban people who have contracts like ninja, “shroud” because they have a lot of subscribers

because they have a lot of subscribers..

he was trying to be a smart mouth.. and you know what they do with smart mouths

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=62

https://youtu.be/TGDILAcjBTg

mechanical vampyre made a dance video with this song too

but it’s removed

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=134

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=77

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=90

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdoB2TPqWxs&lc=UgzngOLNMa5tiW73aJp4AaABAg

one more day

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=165

https://youtu.be/ShGVCembq70?t=39

https://youtu.be/65p80XAMxhw?t=49

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=22

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=60

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=112

this is albralelie

https://images.app.goo.gl/nVAGWvpbkkSiX5Vg9

I told you that twitch bans people who don’t have subscriptions

twitch bans people who don’t have subscriptions and only use donations, because they want money

so they will ban people who don’t make them any money

https://youtu.be/IWtnY8cHlTo?t=69

that’s how that works

maybe aceu also gave away subs so he doesn’t get banned

I’m tired of watching racist commercials on twitch

https://youtu.be/5qArvBdHkJA

https://youtu.be/5qArvBdHkJA?t=26

trash.

https://youtu.be/cNLToOigQoM?t=15

I fell asleep watching

https://youtu.be/cNLToOigQoM?t=182

тренеп. xD

это баг, мне вкинуло в игру меня нелза героя выбирать

#1. everyone says that #2. nobody reads what I’m saying anyway

lol I did the thing with nade

when you throw nade high and it explodes when it falls..

I’m not feeling that good..

I play bad today. I don’t feel that good because I don’t feel that amazing

I need to stretch my back again

I’m already starting to feel good

I was sleeping a lot

every single game requires million hours of playing..

this one isn’t any better

I shouldn’t have eaten so many of these scrambled eggs..

is my pasta from yesterday still okay? smells ok

pasta saved my life

https://youtu.be/w-Wc4lPCW9s

this pasta actually tastes really fresh

I rinsed it in cold water after cooking. that’s why it tastes so fresh. because.. bacteria develops the fastest in the water that is made out of cooking the pasta.. so if I rinse all this water.. away. then bacteria doesn’t grow in the water that I used for cooking pasta

https://youtu.be/CA_EGwZY69E?t=50

make sure that you rinse pasta after cooking in cold water.. if you want it to stay fresh for more time

and also if you rinse it. then pasta becomes cold so bacteria doesn’t grow as fast in cold temperature

I already feel better after eating this pasta

I get a lot of ads on youtube.. about.. people who are asking for money for medical help

and the last one I saw.. is.. hebrew.. and.. it’s not the only hebrew ad like that that I saw.. but this time this person reminded me of yaara.. the hebrew teacher

she said that she was “diagnosed with cancer”. to me what doctors say is just lies

and she’s saying that she’s gonna die.. and.. you know.. I think that donations for stuff like that is a scam

I don’t believe it

I already feel better after eating this pasta

https://youtu.be/Fb0x8R0vb4g?t=50

xD soundboard. xD he didn’t say what he wanted. xD

https://youtu.be/Fb0x8R0vb4g?t=67

xD

https://youtu.be/Fb0x8R0vb4g?t=115

who the f*ck is xqc??

https://youtu.be/Fb0x8R0vb4g?t=169

xD

https://youtu.be/Fb0x8R0vb4g?t=290

nope. xD

ok you’re capping

https://youtu.be/lEiLKnK9RXU?t=334

wow. I said that before too

https://youtu.be/lEiLKnK9RXU?t=367

I said exact same thing

I was saying that I also hate blinds like.. not that long ago

I mean I was talking about like.. 3 times

https://youtu.be/lEiLKnK9RXU?t=442

“blinds are stupid”

https://youtu.be/58omwDIzqkw?t=85

N.

https://youtu.be/58omwDIzqkw?t=429

https://youtu.be/58omwDIzqkw?t=530

https://youtu.be/58omwDIzqkw?t=828

xD

sky was clear today

it wasn’t clear in previous days.. but day is still really short.. so.. even though it’s.. like.. even though it wasn’t cloudy today.. there wasn’t much sun you know. so usually on not cloudy days days were warmer.. but today it’s kinda like usual. it’s not much warmer than on non cloudy day

because days are short and there’s not a lot of sun anyway.. so it doesn’t get much warmer when it’s not cloudy

usually on non cloudy days it was warmer

but not any more I guess

it’s still not that cold for me

in israel.. (the place where they speak hebrew, and where yaara and this woman who asks for donations live)

it must be warmer there.. on the ad this woman has.. red cheeks and.. she looks like there’s a lot of sun there and it’s hot there

and dry.. her hair look like yaara’s hair

https://youtu.be/dKPKtvrXEfM?t=288

her skin is also.. it’s really dry place. in israel

it’s easy to get dehydrated. it’s really dry. that’s why people wear clothes on entire body. so they don’t evaporate

days are very hot and nights are cold. because it’s really dry climate so the temperature gets cold very fast because it’s really dry. and water has high heat energy capacity, which means that it loses temperature very slowly

air with high humidity wouldn’t lose temperature as fast as dry air

if there’s no water then temperature would change fast

I think that it’s the easiest to learn from all the teachers she is the teacher that’s the easiest and fastest to learn language from all the teachers I’ve seen.. because she knows english very well

and sharon also hair look similar and face too

and I read that sharon is hebrew name

https://youtu.be/eNSVKtopR34?t=49

https://youtu.be/eNSVKtopR34?t=127

I wouldn’t even need a beer to cause accident.. it’s dangerous. driving is dangerous.

https://youtu.be/DbkeeZZnTgk

https://youtu.be/DbkeeZZnTgk?t=12

who doesn’t like..

the easiest teacher to learn/understand that I’ve seen so far

https://youtu.be/DXOZDZ5-mQM?t=20

https://youtu.be/Gq5h46sIEzM?t=14

they all look similar

https://youtu.be/g_wXxS6A9T4?t=10

egypt.. there’s like.. only like.. one language in a lot of countries around this desert climate. like.. I think that 90% of people speak arabic in these desert areas

but in bangladesh it’s a different language

although rumena looks a lot like the girl from jordan

who speaks arabic

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bangladesh

“bengali” is more like.. indian language

like hindi

but “religion” is 90% “islam” and only 8.5% “hinduism”

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=76

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=166

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdoB2TPqWxs&lc=UgzngOLNMa5tiW73aJp4AaABAg

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=166

https://youtu.be/zdoB2TPqWxs?t=205

I’m gonna comment “I like the part when she’s saying “one more gay”“

https://youtu.be/9hlrgjIJMpo?t=31

now totally new level starts.. in platinum..

it’s gonna be a lot more difficult this time..

if I have million hours of free time and use it to play then I can maybe get higher

because some people have 2.5k kills on one legend..

I have like.. on all legends.. I have like.. 1.6k kills.. on main account

the hoe is like.. 4k kills.. also on just ONE legend..

and I have 1.6k in total on all the legends. and a little bit on 2nd account

so I though that this game is gonna be less time consuming.. but people just don’t have lives and play this game million hours a day

they don’t do anything else than playing this game.. they get even.. food pumped directly into their veins. (some of them)

so they don’t have to waste their time eating

https://youtu.be/9hlrgjIJMpo?t=5

I hit this bitch for 83 and he’s still chasing me..

I could have full killed him

https://youtu.be/9hlrgjIJMpo?t=2

doesn’t the gold sight have smaller dot??

I though that it’s not gonna use as much of my time..

but it’s just like the other game.

I mean.. people are just.. playing 24/7

and sacrifice their lives

https://youtu.be/u85NpwLXgJA?t=80

https://youtu.be/sEbsgZyLf94

and they still didn’t say anything about the ring damage..

https://apexlegends.gamepedia.com/The_Ring

wow.. it finally says..

under “patch notes history”

“ November 12, 2020 Ring 3 damage increased from 5% to 10%. Ring 4 and 5 damage increased from 10% to 20%.“

so it’s not as new change..

omg... so ring 3 is also impossible

so they changed ring damage back.. f*cking assholes

ring 3 is 10 damage so you can pop a medkit with full hp damn they messed this up

so my syringe strategy is no longer a working strategy

but ring 2 used to be 5%.. but I wish ring 3 at least wouldn’t be as deadly

I will have to be rotating fast with team to the ring

and maybe.. use.. like.. maybe sniper rifle or something..

https://youtu.be/shtceZ5wCdw

https://youtu.be/qNdGEtJDky8?t=38

wingman vs hemlok with 3x scope.. hemlok always wins

you gotta be really lucky to win against hemlock with wingman

but you move a lot faster but if you have cover then it’s very unlikely that you hit someone with hemlok

without cover it’s easier but with cover hemlok would win

https://youtu.be/qNdGEtJDky8?t=510

wtf

https://youtu.be/qNdGEtJDky8?t=536

lol this slide.

https://youtu.be/qNdGEtJDky8?t=562

https://youtu.be/WSMKeflrcAw?t=232

https://youtu.be/WSMKeflrcAw?t=264

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/806382680?t=0h12m19s

how low is she gonna drop after not playing as much

https://youtu.be/hBNHEPI5TT0

the title says “getting ready for winter”

https://youtu.be/nEv4EuGZ21Y

I wonder if she lied.

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/806382680?t=0h12m30s

she doesn’t look as bald as before

lets see how much these cards go for.. I added some ads to watch list.. and now they’re over.. well.. they didn’t go for as much as I wanted.. 

I mean.. no.. none of them got sold yet.. one had low price but didn’t get sold.. but my card is OC model with good cooling

and other 2 auctions are still not finished yet.. so we’ll see how much they go for. but nobody bought one card that was at quite low price

of course.. it was “broken” of course..

someone wanted to sell broken card for high price. that’s why it didn’t get sold.. I shouldn’t have added this to watch list at all

one card has no delivery option.. so also nobody wants to buy it..

one dude is selling similar card to mine.. but with 3 fans. mine has 2 fans.. but I think that the heatsink is the same as my card.. it’s just 1 more fan.. so it’s almost the same card.. and my card doesn’t get any hot at all.. it’s kinda.. same as my card.. and price. is.. not super high.. but it’s not much difference so my card should be just as good as this one

but my goal wasn’t super high too

this was kinda my goal but he’s gonna pay 10%.. so.. I don’t wanna pay that much.. so I wouldn’t sell it for this much at 10% cost

if he pays 10% then he gets.. more warranty from a site.. that a buyer won’t get cheated.. so buyer feels safer about buying stuff.. I mean.. like.. I don’t think it’s like.. doing anything if you pay 10% more.. it’s not doing anything.. so like.. but he’s selling with 10% so I would want to sell it for as much but without paying 10%

and this one is “a little bit” better.. it’s kinda the same card as mine.. 3 fans can also be a disadvantage.. because it may not fit in all cases

other people who sell this card ask a lot more so this card may sell fast.

I ask myself.. how much I would pay for this card..

I bought it cheaper.. and.. not prices are higher. but.. I take inflation into account.. 5% a year.. and.. like.. but like.. demand is high right now I guess... because it’s near christmass.. and new graphics card got released.. so other ones should get cheaper in theory

but demand is high before christmass I guess

lol this dude put.. 9.99 on the end.. xD

how much I would pay for this card.. I would buy it not on christmass.. because I couldn’t find cheap card before christmass..

https://www.tiktok.com/@emiru1/video/6803427746828602630

https://www.tiktok.com/foryou?lang=en#/@bonbibonkers/video/6685384804709436678

damn 700k followlers and 2 million folwers

this fridge has nicer sound. a lot nicer

and it’s like.. I think it just.. makes sound just.. for a lot shorter period of time and then it stops

https://www.tiktok.com/@bonbibonkers/video/6685384804709436678?lang=en

https://www.tiktok.com/@dragon.cosplays/video/6698959246563740933?lang=en

she looks like a characters in one game. broderlands??

https://youtu.be/9KufWWMUXMw?t=8

even better than in a game

trashlands.

netherlands

I wanna eat something before sleep..

bread and butter.. there’s something called a bread diet

https://youtu.be/XS4zojyuzvI

my plan is to buy a lot of tomatoes in cans

https://youtu.be/EnFM5dxFIm8?t=371

https://images.app.goo.gl/wa22R2rvpEMhQrep6

“NOBODY touches my teammates”

“my baby” - kraber

https://youtu.be/EnFM5dxFIm8?t=762

damn living fancy

https://youtu.be/EnFM5dxFIm8?t=934

it’s called cola in america

https://youtu.be/1mITYYdTsU0?t=468

https://youtu.be/1mITYYdTsU0?t=569

https://youtu.be/1mITYYdTsU0?t=577

wingman

https://youtu.be/1mITYYdTsU0?t=1048

her computer is a xenomorph

https://youtu.be/G-WNAMpnATw?t=137

https://youtu.be/hzj8pBpW1Us

“you gotta do what you gotta do”

https://youtu.be/hzj8pBpW1Us?t=27

https://youtu.be/hzj8pBpW1Us?t=46

I need to hit every shot this time

I will remember this 20 damage. 3rd ring is 10 damage..

why somebody from my squad always pushes first 1v3

why enemy squad never pushes 1v3 but my squad teammates always do that always

and then me and my other teammate go to save him and we get f*cked

omfg my teammates.. what a fucking joke

starting fight with one squad and then starting to fight 2nd squad.

and getting staying in between these 2 squads

fighting 2 squads again on the start. xD

oh. gold 4 in team this time. nice

I knew.. there’s no point of even playing with gold 4.. he died in in 1 second to some dude with g7 scout with double tap trigger. he literally died in 1 second

this gold 4 noob

4 g7 scout shots with double tap trigger

no. it was pathfinder..

it wasn’t crypto. crypto actually.. I mean.. not crypto but mirage.. mirage use this.. invisible ressing to get pathfinder up

but mirage landed on a place with 0 loot and I didn’t even have shield but thank god I had loba so I used ulti to get it but they already had purple shield on one dude..

they had like. 2 purple shields

we all had lvl 1

but mirage did almost no damage

what is g7 scout bullet speed

what the fuck are the people doing

what are they fucking doing what the fuck.. first this dude stands behind all the time and doesn’t wanna push with us then he starts to go solo 1v3

I have someone with 3k kills on one legend this time in team

ok this time we got third partied. welcome to platinum

maybe I should use a sniper rifle I don’t know

everyone with triple take

lol. I don’t understand these plays for real. what the fuck.. why are we leave ring and go in a tunnel to get gatekept.. what the fuck.. I don’t understand

their plan was literally to leave ring and get gate kept in a tunnel

I don’t understand these plays..

and I hate hemlok

hemlok versus triple take is still shit

and I have no idea where these people are.. like.. they are shooting from everywhere..

from every fucking side..

hemlok makes me so easy to hit with triple take.. because of the ads slow..

https://youtu.be/pM9heNqzYeM

lol another coaching

https://youtu.be/pM9heNqzYeM?t=92

xD bad coaching rating for that

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/806382680?t=0h12m35s

oh right. who looks indian

[stars-my-darling]

Ok, I have some things I have to say about the latest episode of b99

Warning: criticism and saltiness ahead

Disclaimer: If you liked this episode, that’s great and I’m genuinely happy for you. Please don’t let my opinion ruin your love or happiness about this episode.

I was really disappointed. For more than one reason but I’ll start with the smaller stuff first

This episode felt really disjointed to me. One of the reasons I like the heist episodes is that there an ever-flowing stream of chaos, each twist trying to out-do the last. But this episode didn’t really have that flow because the heist itself kept needing to restart. I do admire the fact that they tried to do something different (i.e. tried to stretch the heist out over a number of events) but unfortunately I don’t think it really worked. It just didn’t feel like a heist episode.

Also, Amy didn’t use her pregnancy to her advantage. I was hoping for that. It could have lead to some great comedic moments.

Now for the thing that just kind of ruined this episode for me. The whole therapy thing. 

Amy paid an actress (i.e. someone who is not a mental health professional) to pretend to be a therapist and give Jake unqualified advice about his life problems.

This is messed up on so many levels.

1. Confidentiality. A huge part of therapy is the fact that it’s all confidential. If you’ve ever trained as a therapist you’ll know that’s something they drill into you. What is said between you and your therapist is never meant to leave the room. Only under very limited and extreme circumstances can a therapist break their sacred oath of confidentiality. (Kati Morton, a licensed therapist and youtuber made a very helpful video all about confidentiality in therapy, I suggest you go watch it if you want more info). So even though the therapist isn’t real, the fact that Amy and Rosa would willingly listen in on Jake’s therapy session is pretty problematic. Especially since Jake believes he’s in a real therapy session and is treating it like such.

2 Not something a loved one would do. Amy Santiago would NEVER do this to the man she loves. The Amy I know is understanding of the fact that Jake has issues he needs work through and would NEVER use them against like this. She wouldn’t set up a fake therapy session, pay an actress to pose as a therapist and let Jake open up to her for months because she’s smart and kind and would understand how hurtful and immoral that would be. This is just a really nasty turn for a couple who, up until now, has been a very healthy depiction of a romantic couple.

3. Out of character. Kinda similar to the above one, but Amy wouldn’t do this. This is completely out of character for her. Amy would look up all the therapists in their area, read all the reviews to find the best one and would completely support Jake in his decision to go to therapy. Once again, this just isn’t something she’d do. She’d never play these harmful psychological mind games with her husband

4. This could scare Jake off therapy entirely Jake was already cautious of therapy and he was clearly someone who needed it. Do you seriously think he’s going to be in a rush to go back now? This just means he’s going to postpone getting the help he needs. He basically opened himself up (something he struggles with) and all it lead to was him getting hurt

5. He’s visibly upset When it’s revealed that Jake has been seeing a fake therapist he’s understandably and visibly upset about it and rightfully so. Yet, it’s brushed/laughed off as “lol, heist shenanigans, watchu gonna do?”

Also, while I’m genuinely happy that Rosa won the heist this year (I was rooting for her), I’m really disappointed that the heist episode she won was the one I genuinely didn’t like.

All I can hope is that b99 does an episode on mental health (in the style of Moo Moo or He Said, She Said) where Jake gets some PROPER therapy. I hate this word when it comes to fandom, but I feel it’s almost needed at this point. Between this and the episode “The Therapist”, b99, despite how much I love it, really doesn’t have the best track record with portraying therapy.

I’m just mad and I’m disappointed because I was really looking forward to this episode and it turned out to be a real bummer. 

This was just a really insensitive move that was in bad taste

Was their anything I liked about this episode? I liked seeing Jake and Amy in their apartment, Cheddar is cute, I liked that Arlo was mentioned, Rosa looks dope with her gauntlets and crown and Jake and Amy referring to each other as husband and wife.

[harrysdimples]

miss americana thoughts:

this is going to be very disorganised and long and ramble-y so I apologise lol but I have too much invested in this to not write an essay on it lmao. 

I’ve said before when talking about harry, that I hate when people say ‘oh how could you ever break up with THE harry styles’ because I feel that sort of absolves him from any possible wrongdoing he could ever do in a relationship. the breakup and endings of relationships and even friendships are very, very rarely at fault of only one person in the relationship and that shouldn’t be any different just because they’re a celebrity. I bring this up because with miss americana, the framing of taylor’s apolitical stance and overall good girl image feels somewhat disjointed to me, which is something that carries throughout the documentary unfortunately. It is absolutely true (and I am by no means refuting this whatsoever because it’s very, very apparent this happens in the music industry, especially in the time period taylor was making her debut) that female artists are told to sit idly by and project themselves in a way of being ‘pure’ or play into the sexiness they’re objectified by, but they shouldn’t speak out of turn unless spoken to. BUT framing taylor’s entire career that way to me feels a similar way to what I just mentioned about harry, it absolves her of the responsibility somewhat to speak out and instead frames the issue many people have with her as something different to what it is. 

I completely understand how pressured she must’ve felt to keep that image going (especially with how much she said she fought for approval from everyone) but that doesn’t mean it’s a cover-all bases excuse. for someone who has said before that they are directly involved with the marketing of their music and what she projects as her brand, I don’t think it’s fair enough to pivot to pinning all of what people find frustrating about taylor onto the media. I think that was one of my problems with reputation too, that any time I felt she could’ve really dug into her psyche and the disillusionment with her public image, she backed off or got too scared to push the envelope, and I sort of feel the same here with miss americana. it’s okay to say she fucked up (and she did say that with her politics in the arguing scene with her dad which I appreciated) and that she also was in the wrong at times, but I feel that a lot of the time rather than saying that, she circled back to the talking point of sexism in the industry (which is still prevalent of course) and that’s disappointing to me. 

I would’ve liked to see more about how she had to reject her previous belief systems, because judging from her dad’s politics, he is a republican, which growing up, whether she liked it or not, had to have influenced her, as it does with every person and their own parents. I don’t think she realises how much the kanye/taylor feud (regardless of whether kanye was ever right or wrong) played into the angry black man vs virginal pure white girl trope that was a microcosm of american politics at the time, and that’s why it was so important she spoke up when she failed to. it benefitted her, along with the belief that she was secretly conservative and someone alt-right groups could praise, whether she wants to acknowledge that or not, and I wish someone had challenged her on that. I appreciate what taylor has done in speaking out and what she has done for the LGBTQ community, but it all feels slightly marketed as Taylor Swift Is The First Pop Star To Talk About Politics to me still. 

I said when the trailer came out that the part about nobody actively hating her in the audience was meant to be played for laughs but was concerning to me, and a few things in the doc also stuck out to me in a similar vein. her comment about having a very ‘slappable face’ when filming the ME! music video is....concerning to say the least. i’m not surprised she’s unfortunately internalised seemingly a lot of what people have said about her, but combined with her saying that she had nobody to call after she won AOTY for 1989, I just can’t help but feel worried for her that she’s stuck her heels in the sand about therapy. it’s not a failure, and I feel like from what she’s said in interviews, she feels like it is. her being so upset about reputation not getting nominations was really sad to me, I know how much it must’ve hurt for her to feel she put out a great record and to not get recognition for it, but it was alarming to me that she disregarded it as soon as it didn’t get that validation and she had to be reminded that it was a good record. I think it was the NY Times review, or one of them at least, mentioned how much loneliness seemed to follow Taylor, and I can’t help but agree with that sentiment. the small moments shown with Joe were very sweet, but it all feels very contained and inward-looking, and besides her small circle she doesn’t really have many people around her. I mean, she’s mentioned multiple times in her lyrics on rep and lover that joe somewhat ‘saved’ her from the place she was in, which is lovely, but also she upped and moved to london for him and the kind of idolisation she seems to have in her lyrics about him isn’t really healthy for anyone imho. I don’t know. I just hope she has good people around her and not just yes men when it comes to her music and who she is as a person.

some of the scenes felt out of place in the way they were framing the documentary, like the scene where she and abigail were having dinner or when I felt like she was swearing to prove somewhat of a point (if anyone ever watched them, it felt the same way as to when zoella and alfie deyes on youtube started swearing on youtube to appeal to an older audience but it instead came off as a weird inclusion in their videos) and I think that took me out of what the film was supposed to be, because those scenes read to me as purely there to serve a purpose of pushing an image, whereas the others didn’t, they felt as if they were just following her and asking her questions in a natural way. 

I guess i’ll finish this post (even though im sure I have more thoughts that will come out once i’m reminded of some stuff) with i’m just not really sure what she was aiming for with this doc. I don’t know if it was for the fans, but I felt for me it didn’t include a lot of the stuff I love to see from her (behind the scenes writing stuff) as a fan, or if it was meant to convince or sway those that aren’t fans with her political views, which I don’t think it did, and if she was aiming for both, I don’t think she really achieved that. it’s similar to what I said about reputation before, she mostly backed off when things could’ve been even more interesting than what she presented to the audience in the first place. idk. this was a word vomit lol