#also I think i’ve reblogged it every december for a few years now lol

[hellsite-hall-of-fame]

Asking anonymously because I don't want anyone to find my current blog but I'm the person who wrote that Carol of the Bells history rant. My partner and I were talking about how it tends to turn back up every December and I jokingly said "yeah, if hellsite-hall-of-fame ever reblogs it I think my soul might leave my body". But then it occurred to me that you probably did? So I checked, and you did, and my soul is, in fact, exiting my body because somehow my horrible college tumblr has a legacy.

it absolutely has a legacy, that post is wonderful-

[aliceblisss]

helloo!! can you write a steve rogers x reader fic where the reader (who has a crush on steve) accidentally walks in to sharon flirting w steve and then she walks away and cries when clint, bucky, wanda, nat and tony saw her and asks her why. they knew why short after, and reader goes for a walk outside the compound. steve searches for her eventually as the other avengers asks him to confess and solve the misunderstanding. steve found the reader at the big christmas tree in rockefeller center making a wish and he confesses to her there 🥺 im sorry if it’s too specific!

Hi!! Thank you so much for your request and thank you for being so patient! I changed up a few of the details I hope you don’t mind <33

CW: language lol

A/N: I really liked writing this one. Send me more Steve and overall MCU requests!! Also remember to reblog as it helps a lot! <3

——————————————————————————

The annual Christmas party is Tony and Pepper’s pride and joy.

It’s December 24th, Christmas Eve. A lot of us don’t have much family left to spend the holidays with, and those that do bring them along.

It’s the one night a year where we’re normal people. Everyone’s laughing, singing, dancing. Some drink a bit too much eggnog. But all in all it’s a fun, wholesome night.

“Did I ever tell you about the time I fought an army of five hundred men alone? Just me and Mjollnir” Thor sat beside me on the couch with probably his hundredth eggnog; to his and my surprise it appears to actually be kicking in a bit. In his defense Nat made it extra strong this year.

I sigh and smell the mix of eggnog and hot chocolate in my breath, “Yes Thor, you did. Like three times already and you keep adding people. The first time you told it was only two hundred men” I can’t help but laugh.

He furrows his brows and frowns, realizing I caught him, “No, I think you’re remembering it wrong”

I pat his knee, “Sure honey, whatever you say” with a smile.

Regardless of all that he begins to tell the story for a fourth time. Clint’s kids and Scott all listen to him in awe. Meanwhile I spot something across the room that made my heart sink.

I see Steve and Sharon laughing together, standing close to each other, being very touchy-feely. It made my stomach churn. But I was frozen in place, I couldn’t stop staring at them. Like that moment in a scary movie where you know something bad is about to happen but you can’t bring yourself to look away or close your eyes.

I know I shouldn’t really feel jealous. Steve and I are just friends. Obviously him and Sharon get along very well, she’s beautiful and clearly a better fit for him.

But I can’t help it. It makes me miserable. I’ve been in love for him for so long now I honestly wish it’d just go away at this point. Everything would be much simpler that way.

That way, I could just enjoy being his friend without my heart racing every time we touch or hold eye contact for longer than three seconds. I wouldn’t be over analyzing everything he says. I wouldn’t continuously get my hopes up thinking “maybe he does feel the same way”.

And then, just as that feeling of tears started to burn in my eyes, I noticed it; the mistletoe.

They were standing right below mistletoe. I started praying they wouldn’t notice but they did. Sharon looked up and smirked, Steve’s gaze followed. That’s it. Now’s the time to look away. I’m not gonna continue to torture myself here, much less with the sight of them kissing.

I got up abruptly and left the room, tears already streaming down my face. I went into another room and quickly closed the door behind me. Only to find Nat and Wanda in there.

They instantly got up with worry in their eyes. I could tell they were having a good time, talking and laughing. But it all disappeared off their faces in an instant when they saw me crying.

Immediately Nat walked up to me, holding my face up gently. “Hey hey, what’s wrong?” she asked.

But I just kept silently crying, ruining my makeup no doubt.

Natasha put her arm around me and led me to the couch where both her and Wanda sat with me and held me as I cried.

Wanda’s not the best at comforting, but I know she tries her best and I know she truly cares.

“Who do I have to hurt?” she said with a trace of her Sokovian accent that is more noticeable when she’s angry.

I manage to get the words out, “No one” in between sniffles.

“Then why are you crying?” she asked. I didn’t wanna say. It’s too embarrassing.

But Natasha took a good look at me and sighed, “I think I know”.

I turn to her, and she gives me a small smile and says, “Would this have anything to do with you liking Steve?”

My eyes widen. “How did you know?”

She raised an eyebrow at me, “I just do”

“You have feelings for Steve?” Wanda asked, genuinely surprised. I simply nod in response.

“Don’t worry, you’re fairly good at hiding it. It took me a while to figure out so I doubt anyone else knows. Especially him” Nat reassured me.

Wanda brought a tissue to me from across the room with her powers. I thanked her and cleaned up my face a bit.

“What happened though? Why are you crying then?” Wanda was still eager to know.

I took deep breaths to calm myself before recalling the memory. “It’s him and Sharon. I’ve seen how they are together, and just now they were all flirty n’ shit. And they were under mistletoe; I saw they were about to kiss”.

“Did you actually see them kiss?” It was Natasha who asked this time.

I shook my head, “I left before I could witness it”.

Nat kept rubbing my back while Wanda let me rest my head on her shoulder. I was still crying.

“Y/n there’s—” Nat started to speak but before she could continue Steve walked in.

“There you are” he said with a smile while looking at me. His face dropped when he saw the state I was in.

“What’s wrong?” he hurried towards me with worry in his eyes. I can’t face him right now, it’s too much.

I quickly get up and walk past him as I mumble a quick “Nothing” and leave the room. On my way out of the compound I grab my coat and I get in the elevator. Just as the doors were closing I saw Steve trying to catch up with me.

Once I’m out I put my espionage skills to use; right now I wanna be left alone. I decide to head for the big Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center thinking that’ll cheer me up a bit.

The loud sounds and all the sounds of the city start to overwhelm me but I just think that once I get to the tree I’ll be fine.

I arrive at the giant tree and stand in front of it feeling tiny in comparison. It was raining earlier so the water droplets make the lights look extra twinkly. It’s very cold, I shiver and fold my arms tightly regretting not bringing more than just my coat.

Despite there being so much commotion around me when I focus on the tree it all kinda fades away. So much so that I almost didn’t notice Steve standing at my side. I look at him through the corner of my eye; he’s also staring at the tree.

After a few seconds in silence he turns to me and says, “I figured you’d be cold”. When I turn to him I see he has my fuzzy hat and scarf. I can’t help but smile at the gesture, he give me a small smile too.

He then puts the hat on my head and wraps the scarf around my neck. I can feel myself blush but hopefully my cheeks were already red from the cold and he won’t notice. He smiles at me with gentle eyes but I force myself to look away, to focus on the tree. Because if I don’t I’ll drown in his eyes.

We both stand in silence staring at the tree. Our silences aren’t usually uncomfortable. But I know that he knows. So I’m silently freaking out on the inside.

“I tried to count all the lights once” I break the silence and my internal panic.

He snorts, “Of course you did. How far did you get?”

“Two-hundred and seventy-seven” I mumble, slightly embarrassed. Although I’d rather this embarrassment than the alternative.

“Wow, that’s determination” he said, genuinely impressed.

I held back a smirk, “Yeah, I looked at the tree dead in the eyes and said, “I could do this all day””.

We both started laughing. It’s nice to know we can laugh together no matter the circumstance. Even if he probably already knows I’m madly in love with him.

“Fuck off,” he said in between the laughter. I giggled in response.

After the laughter died down it was back to silence. Until…

“I know, y/n, I know why you were upset” Steve said.

My heart sank again, I was filled with fear. Fear of the inevitable rejection. “It’s—I’m sorry I—I’ll get over it” I fumbled over my words not know exactly what to say. But I was bracing myself for the worst.

He turned to me and took my hand of my pocket; mine were cold but his were warm. “What are you apologizing for?”. I saw the confusion in his expression. But also a tinge of pain which I couldn’t decipher. Did he feel sorry for me?

I sigh, I can see my breath in front of me, “For falling in love with you” I say feeling defeated at this point.

He takes both my hands now and holds them tightly as he says, “Do you feel sorry for how you feel about me? Because I don’t”

Now it’s my turn to be confused. “What?” my voice is small and frail.

“I am in love with you, y/n. I’m crazy about you. And I’m an idiot for not telling you sooner” he confessed.

I felt my heart thumping faster in my chest. Is this real?

“You are?” I asked, he nodded with a smile, “You are” I laughed nervously, and he laughed with me.

But then I remembered, “But wait, what about Sharon?”

“Sharon is a good friend, nothing more” he reassured.

“And the mistletoe?”

He let go of one of my hands and got something out of his pocket with a mischievous grin on his face. “You mean this mistletoe?” he raised his arm and dangled it above us while pulling me closer to him.

“I never kissed her. The only person I ever wanna kiss, is you” he said while looking back and forth from my eyes to my lips.

“Pepper’s gonna be mad you took the mistletoe” I tease.

He pulls me even closer and says, “She’ll get over it” and kissed me deeply.

I nearly melted in his arms. He dropped the arm that was holding the mistletoe and put it around my waist along with the other one. I threw my arms around his neck; holding on for dear life.

It was warm and soft, yet desperate in the sense that neither of us wanted to let go. When out lips finally separate he leans his forehead on mine, keeping his eyes closed. We start to giggle like little kids.

Suddenly we hear cheering, hooting and clapping. It’s Natasha, Wanda, Thor, and Scott.

We were embarrassed but couldn’t help but laugh.

“ABOUT DAMN TIME!” yelled out Nat.

“IM SO JEALOUS OF YOU Y/N” Scott yelled which made all of us burst into laughter.

“I guess I am pretty lucky huh?” I said to Steve.

He caressed my cheek with his thumb, “I’m the lucky one”.

[mintsilhouette]

TAG GAME

I thought this looked super fun when other people were filling it out so thanks for the tag, @impossiblefangirl0632! I’ve seen people reblog OR copy the questions into the new post - I will just do a new one for the sake of neatness. :)  

Favorite time of the year: Probably October/November because the weather is so nice then (I live in the US, in Texas) and I also have more days off from work during that time so it’s just more relaxing in general. Once we reach the beginning of December, though, the leadup to Christmas becomes stressful since I have a big family. WAY too many people to buy presents for, lol. 

Comfort food: Homemade spaghetti! Also, Lifesaver gummies, for some reason. 

Do you collect something: I collect a few different things! I’ve cooled on the habit a little but I have a pretty substantial collection of Disney pins (my two main collections are Nightmare Before Christmas and Tiana from Princess & The Frog). It’s also pretty cool because some of my pins have risen a LOT in value over the past few years, including one that’s easily worth over $1,000 now. I mostly like to collect pins with unique art, like older-style pins from Disney Auctions (RIP, does not exist any longer.)

(Sometimes, I’m like “I should buy some Encanto pins” but that’s difficult because NONE OF THE RELEASED ENCANTO PINS ARE INTERESTING AT ALL AND IT MAKES ME SAD. Part of me wishes this movie had come out earlier so it could have some really beautiful pins with unique artwork like Nightmare Before Christmas does, waaah. Maybe one day! I’m keeping an eye out.) 

I also collect a lot of figures that come in blind boxes, especially one specific set of characters named Bobo & Coco. Look them up, they’re so adorably silly and I can’t get enough. 

Favorite drink: I drink a hazelnut latte every day of my life or I am incapable of functioning (yes, it IS an expensive habit, thank you for noticing). Other than that, I love orange juice and and consume a LOT of sparkling flavored water. 

Current favorite song: Hmm, I don’t have a favorite, but the three songs I probably listen to the most right now are:

Scarlett - Holly Humberstone 

Too Late - Minke

Prom - Riah

(I honestly just let Spotify take me down the algorithm loophole when it comes to finding new music.) 

Favorite song: THIS IS TOO HARD but my favorite ALBUM of all time is probably Inland Territory by Vienna Teng. Basically just anything Vienna Teng has ever done is my favorite, so much of her music makes me cry like no other. 

I am so delayed in doing this that I honestly think everyone I follow already filled it out. If you’re following me and you’d like to do, please go ahead! Reading the answers has been really interesting! 

[hotpinkhoshi]

happy christmas 1st! | tp drabble

pairing: jinyoung x f!reader (the pact universe)

genre: fluff

summary: when you said you wanted to decorate early this year, this wasn’t what jinyoung thought you meant. 

a/n: I COULDN’T HELP IT OKAY. if you don’t celebrate christmas or are anti-christmas, i’m sorry, i was taken by inspiration from my last reblog and i had a free moment to write and this is what happened. please enjoy lol also this is 100% unedited

At 12:34 AM on November 1st, Jinyoung awoke to bells jingling. 

He sat up in bed and blinked until his eyes could adjust to the moonlight glowing through the window beside his bed. He’d only gone to bed an hour ago, so why was he suddenly being torn from his precious sleep?

With a grumble, he turned over, noticing your spot was still made as if you’d never gone to bed. Odd, but not completely unheard of. Sometimes you stayed up late reading or watching DIY IKEA hack videos on Youtube. 

Jinyoung rolled out of bed, pushing his messy hair away from his eyes as he followed the mysterious sound out into the hallway. 

He was not mentally prepared for the sight that met him as soon as he crossed the threshold into the living room of the apartment. 

There you were, still in your makeshift cat costume you’d worn for your closing shift at the bookstore, hanging bells on a Christmas tree. Where in the hell had you gotten that from? 

You wiggled your hips back and forth, humming to yourself. At least it appeared you had put your headphones in before you began jamming to Christmas music. He would have been ten times more grumpy if he’d woken up to Michael Buble or Mariah Carey.

Clearing his throat, he crossed his arms as he took just a few more steps towards you, dodging the plastic containers you had strewn around the living room. There was more tinsel and strings of lights lying around than Jinyoung had seen in his entire life. There was even a god-awful Santa that he could only assume was animatronic and sang Jingle Bells every time you walked by. 

You only noticed Jinyoung as soon as you stepped away from the tree, satisfied with the placement of your bell ornaments. Gasping, you clutched your chest and nearly fell backwards right into your favorite life size wooden snowman decoration.

“Oh my God!” you exclaimed, closing your eyes as you tugged your earbuds out of your ears. “You surprised me.”

Jinyoung blinked. “That makes two of us, then. When you said you were decorating as soon as Halloween was over... this was not what I thought you meant.”

Looking from the tree to Jinyoung, you couldn’t help but grin and shrug. “At least I waited until you went to bed?” 

Jinyoung didn’t hate Christmas. He didn’t hate any holiday, he just had never been one to go crazy over some decorations and cheesy films. He’d never decorated his own apartment in the years since he’d moved in. 

But now you lived here, and he briefly recalled telling you that you could decorate however and whenever you wanted. But that had been back in July, and December had seemed like ages away. 

“Where did you get all of this? Where have you been hiding that?” he asked, gesturing to the aforementioned giant snowman. 

You grinned. “I got custody of the snowman after moving out, and I’ve been keeping all of this in the trunk of my car. Except the snowman--that guy was hiding in the back of your closet for the last two weeks.”

Jinyoung shuddered. 

“Do you like it, though?” you asked, raising your eyebrows. You crinkled your nose, which was still painted with a little triangle and whiskers for your cat costume. You looked so cute and hopeful, Jinyoung had to smile. 

With a sigh, he crossed the rest of the distance until he could readjust your cat ears atop of your hair. “I’ll need a minute to get used to it, but I don’t mind it. A bit hurt you didn’t ask for my help, though.” 

Your bashful grin turned into a pout within an instant as you looped your arms around his waist. “Oh no, are you really? I just didn’t think-”

Jinyoung chuckled and pulled you close, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I’m kidding. Sort of. I did imagine we’d decorate the tree together, though.” 

You rested your chin on his chest, tilting your head up to look up at him. “Well, lucky for you, I have enough decorations that you can stay up and help me for the next four hours.” 

Jinyoung choked on his next breath, eyebrows shooting up to his forehead. “Four hours?”

“It’s Christmas First, baby! We’re going all out!” you said excitedly, hands trailing down to squeeze Jinyoung’s bum. 

As Jinyoung watched you scurry away back towards the plastic boxes to pull out the tinsel, his eyes wandered around the room until they landed on the wooden side table beside the couch. 

Inside of that drawer, the one you never went into, behind the batteries and the extra remote controls he’d held onto over the years, was a small black velvet box. The first Christmas gift he’d bought for you. 

That one, he’d gotten back in September after you’d had a silly argument over something he couldn’t even remember anymore. He’d walked around the city for an hour before he ended up at a jewelry store. 

Jinyoung snapped out of his thoughts and moved to help you with the tinsel, unable to resist teasing you by twirling you around and wrapping the golden decoration around you instead of the tree. 

Just the sound of your laugh, so careless and happy, was enough to tell Jinyoung that little velvet box was going to be the best purchase he ever made. And maybe Christmas wasn’t so bad either.  

[bluemoonpunch]

Hello! Long time, no post. I bring to you today a fun surprise that will be fun for some of you and probably very annoying for others, but let's get hyped for a second. The super-duper special fun surprise is that I've started a youtube channel BUT WAIT!!!! It requires some explanation because it's me and if you've been following me for a long time, you know I just HAVE TO over-complicate things and create more and more unnecessary moving parts to add to my life.

If you recall, back in late 2018 when I started my website, I nearly died trying to transfer all of the readings and posts that I had on Tumblr over to the website because the thought of having an incomplete archive on one platform over another... I can't handle such a thing. So, can you guess what I've been doing the past few months? Correct! I've been working on getting all of the main and mini-readings into a video format that can be uploaded onto youtube with clean narration and clean images. Yep.

You might be thinking, hmm, that doesn't sound fun. Just the same old stuff all over again? Really? NO! It's different. As I was going back through the old readings, I re-edited the main text for clearer narration (I used an exquisite narration software) and better explanation. So, there's a difference there. Along with that, I've also - this is my favorite part - added in "2020 Notes" that pop up along the way through the videos that include my current perspective on different points in the reading, hind-sight clarities, and for the BTS readings, A LOT of notes that point out where and how readings between 2018 and early 2020 connect and overlap, as well as more information on the Soul Body and how things have evolved over time.

For the most part, they're exactly the same, nothing in the actual readings has been changed, but they've been refined and elaborated on in a way that some of you might find interesting and refreshing.

I have it set up currently for one video to upload every day at the same time, around 2PM Eastern Time, and as of right now, it's guaranteed that this will be the upload schedule for the next thirty days - that's how many consecutive videos I have finished. Originally, I had like 200+ readings and posts I wanted to convert into videos, but I slashed it way, way down to about 150. SO IF EVERYTHING GOES ACCORDING TO MY PLAN, there would be a video every single day until December 24th - CHRISTMAS EVE. Which means, perhaps, maybe, it's possible, that I'll be able to do some brand new special readings to close off the year, perhaps an overload event like I did in 2018. Then, next year, 2021, everything would be back to normal with how I used to upload - one or two main celebrity/idol readings a week, a handful of mini-readings done every couple of weeks — there will just be another platform in the mix, a video to accompany the regular written versions on the website and Tumblr.

There is some stuff I want to post in between now and then, but I do want to focus on finishing the videos and transferring that archive. It's been really relaxing (mostly) just to be able to make something new. It's kind of refreshed my interest in my own work. And, of course, being able to go back and re-read every reading in the order that they were done in really paints a picture that I wasn't able to see fully as it was all building up. Basically, I'm having fun with it, and I hope some of you find it fun to go back and see things from the past two years through a new lens.

Especially when it comes to the BTS readings, if you have an interest in the Soul Body and all that excitement, and if you have an interest in observable soul progression and development from multiple points of resonance, I really do think it's helpful to have those extra notes added in as well. There will be a playlist building of just the relevant BTS readings in the order that they were done if you'd like to visit it down the line.

My ask box is open again as well, so let me know what you guys think. And also let me know if you want me to post the videos on tumblr as they come out. I plan on going through and adding video links to the original posts, but I can also just embed the video and reblog the post as an update. I don’t want people to get annoyed with me reblogging an old post everyday, but... I don’t know. Let me know! 

Videos will start uploading tomorrow (JULY 22nd, 2020 - lol, I put August on all my posts).

Youtube Channel: https://bit.ly/2CUhhYJ

[random-mha-thoughts]

Miss Missing You (Life Update)

Ahem yes that’s the title of this post

Boy am I tired and exhausted being awake since 5 am on 5 hours of sleep

Hello~🥰 all my lovelies who are still awake and chugging along out in this world that’s slowly descending into the depths of hell (it’s ok guys, just a little more than 3 months and it’ll be over...hopefully).  I hope you’ve all been well, taking care of yourselves, drinking lots of water, and reminding yourself how amazing and wonderful you are and why you deserve to wake up every morning.  And if you started school again, stay safe and good luck, I know you can do it, push through this

Before I say anything, I wanna say hi and welcome to the - holy crap - 300 more followers I’ve gotten since I started being inactive.  I have no idea how you found this blog since it’s been radio silence, but thank you~ Enjoy your stay~

Also just a casual shout out to @mister-future for the reblog spam a few days ago, thank you so much dear 😘

Aaaaand I’m plugging a few events from my Discord server, POC Week that just wrapped up and a new Fantasy Week event where they’re still looking for a few writers to join in, so go check those out if you’re interested~ Sadly I won’t be participating, but I give all my love and support for both so please show them some love too.

Now you’re probably wondering or not “Chibi, where have you been?!  It’s been nearly a month!  You promised us Kiss of Death part 2!”

Well...see... the thing is... I don’t think I’ll be writing part 2... Hold the rotten tomatoes, let me finish!

Some of you might’ve seen from one of the last tag posts I did, but I never really made a formal announcement for this and I was meaning to do one early a month ago but life caught up to me and here we are.  It’s not that big of a deal or anything, I’m not dying, I’m not moving, nothing like that.  What I’m trying to say is in August I started PA school, which is basically about 70% of med school crammed into 2 years.  Nonstop, no long breaks, even taking classes during summer.  And as you can imagine, it’s a lot of work.  Many times, my schedule has me up at 5 am, class at 7 until 3, I come home, study, eat, study, shower, wind down for 30 min or so and then sleep.  On average, I sleep for ~6 hours a night and the entire rest of my day I’m studying.  My only break days are Friday and Saturday, and Sunday I have to play catch up from the week and review/study.  I have at least 1-2 exams every single week.

What I’m trying to say is it’s a lot, it’s a commitment I decided to take where I trade my social life and maybe my mental stability for 2 years and get a hopefully secure medical job with a nice salary and never have to go to school again.  I thought I’d have time at least on the weekends to write as a mental break, but most of my Saturdays are spent taking half-day long naps.  I didn’t anticipate that the mental and physical toll it would take on me would be this much.  Today I was lucky to have class finish early and I finished my allotted studying early enough for me to make up for my lost sleep (I’m tired right now, can’t you tell how by how much I’m rambling? lol), but I told myself, “If you don’t write this now, you’re never gonna get to it again.”  So here I am~ Running on fumes and almost falling asleep at my keyboard because I know I owe you an explanation.

Point is, writing isn’t really in my agenda right now.  It can’t fit in my irregular, constantly-changing-yet-consistently-stressful PA school schedule.  I wish I had the energy to pull myself together and give you guys something once a week, but my body and my mind can’t do it, and for that I’m truly sorry.  I really miss this blog and writing and all of you, but I have priorities that go above it for now.

Am I saying you won’t be seeing anything of me until December?  It’s a very likely possibility.  I’m crossing my fingers that I can put out something, even a little thing sometime in between, but for now I think it’s safe to say I’m out of commission until December.  I really hope you guys understand 🙏🏼

I love you all so much, thank you for sticking with me through the long update/announcement.  Please stay safe and healthy, remember that you’re loved and you deserve the whole world, and there is no one else who can replace you 💖

~Chibi

[toziers]

can you explain what's going on right now? i keep seeing big IT blogs talking about some discourse or something but i have no idea what they're talking about other than it involves you lol

alright i like. i truly do not like having diScOurSE out in public because i’m not one to air out my dirty laundry 24/7 but seeing as how it was brought into public against my will i feel like the least i can do is clear up the situation for those who’ve been seeing the posts. 

i’m putting this under the cut bc it’s long. tws for some biphobia, brief mention of transphobia and, at the end, a rape mention. 

so if you don’t know: hi, i’m migz, i’m an it fandom blogger. its okay, i know, its really cool. part of my shtick here is that i like to turn normal thirst tags into works of art for the sake of comedy. perhaps you’ve seen some of my highlights from my “fhg” tag - perhaps your brain has been spared. either way, it became kind of “my thing” around the third or fourth week (mid nov) of me having this blog. at first, i tagged just about every ask i got mentioning the thirst tags with “bill hader” - they had to do with him, so why not tag him? it would draw more like minded people! about two days into that i got a message asking me to tag my nsfw. i am a big dumb idiot, and apologize for not initially doing it. i havent had a following bigger than like 10 in several years and completely spaced on basic etiquette. so by the end of november i was tagging everything applicable  with “notsfw” and “bill hader”. 

now you’re caught up.

on december 1st i got this message from user billhaderanti:

now i want to start by saying i absolutely was in the wrong here. i didn’t even think about how many people were being subjected to the asks i was getting - especially ones who had no idea they were all jokes. i don’t track the bill hader tag, so it just didn’t even occur to me - that’s ignorance on my part, and to anyone who was subjected to the terrors of me before my tagging system: i am genuinely sorry. i relay the same sentiment in my response, though you can tell i’m on edge.

and they replied:

clearly they Were offended by it but thats.. not the point. at this point, im feeling Really weird about the whole interaction, but still understanding, because again - i GET it. i know my posts are gross - that’s the point. it doesn’t make it excusable, though, which is why i understand why people are offended. so i responded with the only solution i Knew would keep us both safe and happy posting on our own blogs. 

so i thought this would be the end of things! i’d been pretty anxious lately already since i’d started to receive anons telling me i was gross and whore-ish for thirst posting in this way (i delete all of those, so if ur thinking about sending one, i guess no one’s stopping you but it won’t be seeing the light of the dashboard). i’m unsure if it was immediately or a few hours later, seeing as how i have a bad concept of time and the post-dates are right on the edge between nov 30 and dec 1, but i went to their blog - because anyone who has been on the internet knows the opportunity to vague post is near irresistible. and...what do ya know

fair! it’s their blog. however i am an emotionally fragile egg girl and immediately got freaked out. the odds that they were the only one who thought this were low. and, again, i’ve been very open on my blog about how important it is to respect boundaries; my posts are absolutely prone to breaking those boundaries people have created for themselves. 

so i made my own, semi-vague post, letting my following know (and i’m pretty sure i’d answered asks about it before, but this is going to be long enough w/o me searching those up too) that i understood if they wanted to block me or unfollow or whatever - people need to create their own safe spaces. the tension is pretty clear in the tags, i’m not trying to hide that. i felt that the way this woman slid into my dm’s was pretty abrasive (just my opinion/how it made me personally feel) and i let myself be a lil emotional about it in the tags of my post.

alright! maybe this is the end. maybe we both go our separate ways and post happily on our own blogs... except it’s not the end. later in the day (some of this was happening like 1/2am, so now its Day day, i believe - again, not good w time passage lol)

clearly, i’m upset. my groupchat double checked that i didn’t get too emotional in my response - did i mention im anxious about discourse lol - and apparently.. it did the trick. she didn’t message me again. great. it was over. 

at this point, i decided i needed to make an even bigger change. so a few days after i’d calmed down i created an entirely new tag for my thirst posts so if people hadn’t already hidden the notsfw posts or just blocked me outright, they’d have a third option to escape the madness. at this point, id had my blog about 6? weeks, but there were still 2k posts for me to sift through - some of them were completely untagged. i also had to do it post by post, because one of xkits features - the mass re-tagger - was getting blogs deleted for some reason, and i wasn’t going to do that. so i spent a few days going through all 2k+ posts, adding the “fhg” tag. 

YEEHAW! a brand new tagging system, no more hopping into the bill hader tag (minus one or two really funny, not super explicit asks, like the bill hader farquaad meme), and, tbf, i’d completely put this woman out of my mind. i don’t seek out drama and do my best to stay in my lane. yesterday, i checked my activity for the first time in awhile since id put out a couple new original posts that had started to get traction and i Love reading tags. i noticed a mutual had @’d me, and realized i havent checked my @’s in...ever, maybe. i see a post from my good pal billhaderanti. 

since i dont follow them and never check my @’s, i’d completely missed it. however, once i did see it, i was horrified. id gone through all that fucking work to keep my blog My Blog and also respect everyone’s boundaries and it still hadn’t been enough. i’d been awake for almost 24 hours and went. a little crazy. and i didn’t reply immediately because i just had no words. i sent it to my friends because i... i just wasn’t going to be able to figure it out myself. 

there’s a lot to unpack in this post alone, but whatever, i’m gonna put my own grievances with the immaturity of 1. making a callout post to begin with when i’d been nothing but civil 2. making a callout post about something as (in the grand scheme of Life) minor as some tags where i refer to a someone’s genitals as a “whack pack” and 3. making a callout post in such a rude way - aside. at the end, she calls me (and whoever else!) a demonic mlw (man loving woman, we assumed, and then later confirmed with a post further back on her blog). 

which - yeah, we started scrolling. at first we were looking for more vague blogs, and then we just...started finding things. billhaderanti is a self proclaimed lesbian separatist, which... fine. but it’s already pretty clear that this woman hates me on some level simply because i am a bi woman (demonic mlw, remember!) which is just. damn man i can’t believe we are still fighting the biphobic fight lol. so the more we scrolled, the more we uncovered - and not just the biphobic / vaguely mtf transphobic things they posted (or put in tags), but we also found that they had their OWN thirst tags. certainly not as hyperbolically comedic as mine, but they were there, talking about his body and his person the same (and, frankly, a bit creepier for other reasons) as mine. 

there’s one post in particular that snatched my wig in it’s creepiness - and i say creepiness in the sense that it feels personal. like this woman feels like she knows bill to some degree where she can say these things. my tags have always had a sense of distance, as they’re written for humor. and maybe this particular post was written for comedic purposes, but it doesn’t read that way, and if it WAS, then she has no right to call ME out for MY comic tags and posts. 

i’ll let it speak for itself, mostly because i don’t want to read it again. 

i also won’t be going through her blog again to find the posts with biphobic and other Interesting:tm: tags because there are plenty and i just really! want to be done with the whole ordeal! her blog is public and i’m sure you can all find it and look to your heart’s content. 

feeling a bit feral and a bit pissed off now that we knew the depth of how rotten this woman’s vibes were, a couple of my pals made a post or two similar to what my tag’s are like except turned up to eleven (if possible) - and tagged them with “bill hader” (and notsfw!!). yes, a bit childish, but at this point, the entire situation was childish, and making jokes was truly the only way we were going to get through it. another vague post went up on her blog soon after.

talking down to us, calling us children, and then for whatever reason calling us virgins... whatever, weird post. around this time most of us (est) went to bed, because it was nearing 3 or 4 in the morning. 

and then today happened. i woke up fresh and ready for the day after a wonderful 4 hours of sleep and found that jane had made an incredibly intelligent post in response to the situation. i won’t ss it, but i’ll LINK in case you missed it. attached there in the reblog is my own response. i think they can speak for themselves. 

after that, things were kind of jumbled, since i wasn’t online a lot and when i was i was Not checking my activity simply because i was afraid of what i’d see. for the most part, it ended up just being support (which i am very grateful to all of you for - it means a lot that you all enjoy my content to any degree). 

there was some more vague posting from both “““““sides”””””” of the “““““argument”””””” - mostly just people restating the fact that this is a public space and we should All be aware of how we effect others. i still hadn’t heard directly from billhaderanti, so i assumed we’d all be dropping and disengaging and moving on. i still wasn’t blocked, though, so who really knew what would happen. 

eventually, it culminated in this last post. tw for mentions of rape

i’m going to start by saying that 

1. there are nearly no teenagers that were involved in this. im turning 23 in january and most of my friends are 20+. maybe one or two are 19. 

2. none of us sent any sexually violent asks - most of us didn’t send asks at all. i believe one or two of my friends admitted to sending asks however they assured me their nature wasn’t bad; as far as i know, everyone remained civil in whatever went on (again, unclear to me as to what was being sent; no one was actively posting or talking about it. if billhaderanti wishes to elaborate, they can, but i don’t have anything to put in). 

3. before i finish this, i would like to apologize to billhaderanti. as a comedian - not just my stupid tags, i mean in real life, too - i know that humor can hurt. it’s not always funny, it’s not just stupid hahas. sometimes things that are supposed to be jokes just hit people differently and cause bad things. i recognize that. i never meant to trigger you (if you’re reading this) or cause you any severe mental/emotional harm. i apologize for my humor bringing up your trauma, and i never meant for that. regardless of my own thoughts and opinions about the nature of my posts/the thirst tags themselves, they hurt you, and i’m sorry. 

anyway, i’m going to wrap this up (i’m bad at endings, what can i say! steven king and i took the same writer’s class!). if you read all this... sorry. i probably won’t be taking any asks about it, because i find the whole “drama” of this to be stupid and rooted in some seriously biphobic issues this fully grown woman has. 

tldr; i attempted to contain my blog so this woman could exist and function safely on her blog, but it wasn’t enough for her, so she called me out, and then some of the fandom called Her out for being biphobic and mean and overall just immature about the situation. as of now, she’s yet to block me, though her and her wife have blocked a few of my friends. her wife continues to clown on my friends. this post was made for clarity’s sake. the end, i’m getting a drink. 

[allons-y-to-hogwarts-713]

Ho ho hoooeello I'm back again! Don't worry about it

What do you like to do during the holidays season? Have you done anything holiday-related yet? Now that it's officially December, I will start decorating my home soon. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time, since I have a lot of exams right before christmas! I haven't watched a lot of movies lately, though I always mean to. Aside from OUAT, some of my favourite shows are Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Schitt's Creek, the good place, Jane the Virgin & One day at a time! [2/? - I LIED]

We usually watch whatever is on, but I've seen home alone a lot of times! I'm really looking forward to heading home this holiday season and to having a traditional dinner with my grandparents (My grandfather prepares the main course & he is a great cook). I also love listening to Christmas songs! Do you have any favourties?. As for you gift, my creative talents mostly lie in writing, so I'll be preparing a fic for you! Are you more the fluffy or angsty type? Any tropes? [3/3] love, Santa

Hi, Santa!!

My mom and I decorated the house already and finally finished decorating our tree last night:

(This is my kitty cat Killian’s first Christmas with us, so we had to be more careful about which/how many ornaments we put near the bottom.)

I switched my stuffed animals on my headboard in my bedroom to my Christmas/wintry ones too (plus a turkey for Thanksgiving that I haven’t switched yet lol):

Good luck on your exams!! Are you in school or college? What do you study? (Or are you a teacher/professor with exams to give?)

My grandma has been watching the Hallmark movies that have been on tv every night since before Thanksgiving and I’ve kind of been vaguely watching along, though with some recent personal circumstances I won’t expand on right now, I’m finding more frustration than enjoyment from most of them for a few reasons, so I tend to end up putting on headphones instead.

I love The Good Place but I’m so behind right now. I’ve been meaning to check out One Day at a Time, it’s on my long list of things I should probably watch at some point (*John Mulaney voice* and then I Didn’t), and I want to give B99 a try but I don’t have a way to watch it at the moment.

A traditional dinner with family sounds awesome! My parents always cook a ham and sides, and my grandparents on my mom’s side always came to our house for the day, but they live with us now (for a year as of November) so they’re already here, which is nice lol. My brother is married now, so he and my sister-in-law come over too. With the things going on, I’m not sure what this Christmas is going to look like, but that’s what we usually do at least.

I’m excited to bake cookies, but my grandfather has diabetes and his blood-sugar has been a little high lately (partly because of the Thanksgiving food, but I think he’s been sneaking candy or chips too), so I’m putting off baking until that’s under control again. He’s all or nothing with sweets, eats too many and has problems, then gets mad when we ask him to hold back a bit and complains as if he can’t have any at all, instead of just having a small amount every so often rather than a ton all at once like we suggest. I’m gonna keep that temptation away for a while, unless I get a long enough time to make some before he comes in the kitchen so I can hide them, but he just knows. lol

Most years, I’m the kind of person to start Christmas songs in the summer or at least October lol. Not so much these past few years, but I still enjoy them in the season. While we decorate, my parents always play Alabama’s Christmas albums first, and then whatever else until we’re done. (This year I chose Peter Hollens’s Christmas album and Jason Manns’s Christmas album featuring Supernatural cast members, and then my grandpa played the Rudolph soundtrack.) I love Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” (the song and the movie), Straight No Chaser’s “The Christmas Can-Can” and “The 12 Days of Christmas,” and tbh I think my favorite version of “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)” is the one on the Phineas and Ferb Holiday Favorites album (and everything else on it is great too imo). I also love “Oh Santa” from VeggieTales. I pretty much enjoy most Christmas music though. Do you have any favorites?

I will very gladly receive a fic!! I’m open to pretty much anything, just preferably not smut (or at least not super explicit/detailed smut) unless that’s what you prefer to write, just because I try to keep my blog fairly pg/pg-13 most of the time other than some cursing and I want to be able to reblog whatever you give me. Fluff and angst are both more than welcome though, even also whump to some degree. Canon-divergent, au, anything. Lieutenant Duckling, Captain Duckling, Dark Ones, reversed roles, idk all the variation names, Neverland, Underworld, modern, coffee shop, roommates, neighbors, sci-fi, supernatural, band, parent, super sweet domesticity, total angst-fest, nightmares, torture, whatever. It’s all good. I will happily read whatever you write!

[yume-x-hanabi]

A sort of retrospective on this blogs’ 4 years on Tumblr...

I think my best fandom year was 2014. I was pretty active, writing out posts, translating, engaging with the fandoms. I even wrote fics!

Then in early 2015 it started going downhill, I think for a few reasons:

- my ever declining mental health (I had failed exams again and my thesis wasn’t writing itself; it’s around that time that had some suicidal ideation, and also when I finally started to get help. But getting better took a long time).

- the beginning of a string of terrorist attacks in Europe. I still remember how shocking the Charlie Hebdo attack was. I was almost obsessed with following every news on the subject, then. That kinda put things on the backrunner for a while tbh. (Now it’s almost frightening and terribly tragic how I’m not even surprised when something happens. It’s kind of like “Oh no, again?” Not apathy, far from it, but the surprise and shock is just... gone. Replaced with sad resignation. I wonder if others share this feeling...).

- Tales of Zestiria came out, and the fandom moved on from Xillia to it. Since I wasn’t as invested in Zesty, that contributed to losing enthusiasm for the series. Plus all that drama made me weary.

If you look at my archive, you can see the dramatic drop in text posts between 2014 and 2015 lol. I did have some bouts of productivity though, did some translations, wrote a couple one-shots... (especially in December).

Funny aside, it’s in 2015 that I got Missy, and gawd did the cat posts increase in numbers from then on haha.

The first half of 2016 had little Tales activity aside from the random ask memes and answers to asks. The stress of school was over but now there was the stress of unemployment and how badly I approached it.

But in August 2016 I was back into fandom because of Berseria. I liked it a lot, and I talked about it a bunch. sadly i never did a second playthrough, which i totally should now

Then came Fall and my stressful night job, my first experience in education... and my dad’s death.

I... honestly don’t remember much about the end of 2016 and 2017. I was like in a daze, I think. I vaguely remember spending a lot of time in bed. I also immersed myself in Dragon Age a lot, partly to have something to distract me, partly to flee Tales fandom, as I didn’t feel like interacting much with people. My archive of this period is mostly a lot of reblogs. I also - I don’t remember when exactly - unfollowed a bunch of people from Tales fandom. I kinda regret it now, but I think back then I didn’t have the mental strength to be in the fandom anymore, even if I missed it from time to time.

I also got pretty into kdrama around mid-2017 iirc, but I didn’t really have a fandom to interact with, so, again, it was pretty passive.

In November 2017, after a year of passive fandoming and distancing myself from Tales, I officially decided to leave Taleslations. I didn’t see the point in trying to pretend I would produce anything again anymore.

I wanted to focus more on kdrama but tbh I’m still mostly reblogging stuff, not producing active contents. Most discussions I have about what I watch are done in private. I do post a bit about what I’m watching sometimes, but it’s far from the long analyses I would write before. idk why I never managed to openly talk about it much. Maybe because my main followerbase was from Tales and it felt weird to talk about something else? Didn’t prevent me from reblogging pretty gifsets and other people’s opinions, though. But, again, passive passive passive.

That was the trend for the end of 2017 and most of 2018. Spring 2018 was a mess because I tried to do everything health-related at once (wisdom teeth, weaning off antidepressants, losing weight...). July-August 2018 didn’t see much posting because I was in Japan yaaay vacation. September was busy with exams and the beginning of the school year, October was busy with the move, and November...

That was when I started “waking up” and wanting to get back into Xillia, (in a way retrieve a part of who I was before). I was still busy and didn’t post that much, but my mind’s been pretty active about it, and now I’m slowly setting the path to come back.

So what changed? Why do I feel I can do it now, after nearly three years of inactivity?

I think the main reason is, simply, my mental health. 2015-2017 was a sometimes dark time with a lot of high and lows, and I think that’s the main thing that contributed to my passivity. Now I’m much better, and most importantly, stable. I’ve weaned off antidepressants completely, I’m in a better living environment, I have a good job and now enough experience to be able to balance life and hobbies.

This is the perfect time to get active again, and, honestly, the Tumblr thing prompting moves and archiving to other platforms have kept me occupied and active (though mostly behind the scenes), and I think that’s a good stepping stone. I look forward to seeing what I’ll be able to do when I’m done with that.

Also I’m (unofficially as of now) back in Taleslations. Who would have thought. But you know what? This feels right. I had no idea how much I’ve missed this.

I think, for the first time in three years, I finally like what I’m doing here again.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Lovely! I was wondering how you first became a part of the fandom? When did you start watching the show, at what point did you feel John and Sherlock might be(come) a thing, what made you start a blog on these two? I just want to know it all ^^ Hope you don't mind sharing a bit :) Thank you for everything you do for this fandom, love you lots!

Hi Lovely!

Oh gosh, what a nice question! I think I’ve talked about this in snippets in various posts, this post being the one talking the most about it, but never as a whole! Apologies if this turns into a long ramble, hah hah!

So I remember exactly when I got into the show SO CLEARLY. It was July of 2013, just a few months before S3 was to air in January 2014. I was over at my friends’ place, and they suggested the show to watch, since we always watch movies together whenever I visit. I remember asking, “Is that the show with Martin Freeman and that Khan actor from Star Trek 2?”. We finished Season one all in one go, and immediately fell in love with Ben and Martin’s portrayals and their chemistry. And then I had to head back home. I was ANGRY because OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT and my friends just laughed.

So as soon as I got home, I downloaded S1 and S2 and watched them ALL the way through. I needed more. So, because I already had a Tumblr and knew it was for fandoms, I decided to see what it had to offer. 

Oh boy what did I get into???

So I lurked for a bit, and then I discovered something called “meta”, back when the TRF theories were the prominent meta in the fandom. So while I was getting deep into meta, I started switching my fanart from Ninja Turtles to Sherlock, because I was warming up to Ben’s ethereal face and I wanted to draw it. And I wanted to be a Sherlock fanartist. I briefly shipped Sher1011ie for a week or so, until I rewatched the series again and it just didn’t jive like it did the first few watch-throughs. I was too invested in John and Sherlock’s friendship – I saw them as bestest friends ever, too devoted to each other.

Now, at this point, y’all need to remember this: I was naïve, have never been exposed at length nor ever heard of subtext, was and am not part of the LGBT community (I grew up in a different time and in a conservative city, so being “gay” just wasn’t a thing), had a very heteronormative view on my life, and I just had always just insisted that in all of my fandoms, when I liked two male characters together, it was because “bestest friends ever!!”. I didn’t know I was ace and I’d never read smut up until 3 years ago (yes hi hello I’m so old and so innocent LOL).

Okay, so I was just lurking for a bit, learning my way around fandom, reading meta and just generally dipping my toes quietly into the fandom.

Then came Season 3. 

As many of my followers know, a lot of my fondness for season 3 stems from this being the season that LITERALLY opened my eyes to EVERYTHING: subtext, Johnlock, my own sexuality, and my meta-writing career. 

So, season 3 aired and I decided to dip my toes into “reviewing” the episodes as my first “meta”. They were posted onto my multi-fandom blog here, here and here. I was so proud of them, because it reinvigorated my love for writing (I used to be a pretty prominent Sonic fan-fic author back in the 90′s… I never finished my stories because my interest in the fandom died before I finished them), despite how laughably bad they were, haha. I got a couple compliments on them, but nothing beyond that, especially since I sat down and wrote them for HOURS after each episode aired.

Sometime between TSo3 and HLV, I discovered loudest-subtext-in-television (aka LSiT) and deducingbbcsherlock completely by accident and I was FASCINATED. I ate up everything they wrote. The first time I watched TSo3, something was niggling at my brain but I couldn’t quite place it. It was one of LSiT’s meta that twigged at it. That’s when I learned about subtext, heteronormativity and the queer community. And suddenly, just like that, something in my brain clicked.

Oh. My god. This show is gay, and I actually SHIP these idiots like I did in the Mother Ship (ie. The X-Files Mulder / Scully). That’s why I was SO ANNOYED with Irene. Why Molly was slowly grating on me. Why Mary’s introduction kind of annoyed me but okay I guess I can deal with it. Why everything seemed really romantic but it just couldn’t be, could it? 

I rewatched the series. And it was gay. Y’all, those rainbow-coloured glasses were suddenly GLUED to my head, and I saw gay EVERYWHERE.

So, after HLV, I discovered The Johnlock Conspiracy and I was eating up all the meta about Johnlock I could. Around this time, I also was learning a lot about the LGBT community, its history and sexual fluidity from wsswatson. It was also around this time I discovered asexuality, and I started reading a lot about it. 

In February of 2014, I started this blog because I wanted a place to reblog Johnlock meta. This was the first post I made on this blog, and looking back at it now, I am DYING because wow I never imagined I was going to be this deep into the fandom the day I wrote that. I don’t even remember writing it, to be very honest. I just shake my head, HAH. I think I really started understanding Johnlock because of this post here. It’s still one of my favourites and is one of the ones I credit for helping me understand what I was watching was actually a romance, not a “crime show”. 

Anyway, after learning how to read subtext from mostly LSiT (they wrote a meta about how to read subtext and it was super informative) and other Johnlock bloggers, I wanted to try my hand at my own little Johnlock meta. It was more of an observational post, as my way of trying to interact with the fandom. I am a terribly nervous and shy person, so I never tagged anyone in anything. It was an overwhelming fandom, and it was terrifying to interact. A few bigger bloggers noticed me and were nice enough to comment on a couple of my posts, but I mostly stayed in my little corner, and interacted with my small little group of other smaller fans. I dabbled in both fanart and writing, just plopping my thoughts and art into the aether, hoping something would interest someone enough to start a discussion. 

I started getting braver, and I was “moderating” some of my favourite posts that weren’t mine, but had my additions to it. Mostly, the Phones and Hearts post. I didn’t want to impede, but it was one of my favourite posts, so I went and copied all of the comments in the notes and put them onto one post. I don’t honestly remember HOW I ended up moderating it, but I just did because I was FASCINATED with symbolism, and I was excited because I could finally read subtext and understand it. I still had a small following, and a few people I regularly interacted with on my blog.

So, during the hiatus between S3 and TAB, somewhere along the way I suddenly had a sexuality crisis, when I suddenly realized I wasn’t broken and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and damn it, there’s such thing as split attraction model and asexuality?? Mind was BLOWN. I was also slowly becoming obsessed with Mary’s character, and at the time I couldn’t understand why (inevitably, it was because of events happening in my own life and me trying to understand them), but I really enjoyed just psychoanalyzing her. It’s something I’ve ALWAYS loved doing – character studies; I’ve done it in EVERY fandom I’ve been in – and I was doing it for her, Sherlock and John’s characters. 

So yeah, nothing much really happened to me during the S3 hiatus, except my entire world view flipped on its head and I was completely Johnlocked beyond repair. I became known for some painful posts and some lovely revelations and writing a lot of character study posts on both John and Sherlock. I’m very proud of some of my earlier meta, just sad they never really got seen (some of my earliest meta can be seen on my Ao3).

Then came the announcement for TAB in 2015, and the start of my “Tumblr Career”. I put a lot of my energy into my fandom life. I was OBSESSED with TAB, and became known for it. I put my moderation skills to use and created the TAB Starter Pack, which started gaining me some followers because OMG some loser is taking the time out of their day to compile all the news about this new series! AWESOME. I remember, it was around this time I was excited because I got to 1895 followers and it was one of those milestones all Johnlockers like having, hahah. 

In October of 2015, I lost my job and was unemployed. Conveniently, this is also the time when the promo season for TAB started, because we now had a name and airdate. I devoted a LOT of my time, when I wasn’t job hunting, to working on this blog. I was just writing a lot, and obsessing about the upcoming episode.

Then the trailer aired.

And immediately after that trailer dropped on October 24, 2015, I made this post here, which, some would probably say, was the beginning of everything for me. As I was writing that post, with a cracking headache, something clicked in my head, and several hours later, I had written and posted the original Mind Palace Theories of TAB at 2AM-ish, and went to bed.

When I woke up, my post had suddenly gone viral and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it just kept expanding from there, and I made sure to include everything I could onto it, because WOW something I wrote was gaining traction, and interaction, and I just wanted us all to have a good time with it. And as the time for TAB drew closer, suddenly I was gaining followers, and more people interested in what I had to write. I welcomed everyone to continue to predict the outcome with me.

January 1st. Was a complete and total mind fuck. I was liveblogging the episode, and inadvertently created another viral post with my Mycroft’s Death post because FUCK ARE THEY KILLING MYCROFT OFF?? kind of freaked people out (sorry loves!), which gained me some more followers, and at the time, my top post was my December 31st reblog of my Mind Palace Theories post, so anyone who came to my blog, it would have been on the first page of it.

After the episode aired, suddenly, EVERYONE had questions for me, about EVERYTHING, but mostly to scream at me that I was a mind reader, LOL. No, I’m not, I was just a sad, unemployed twat with too much time on my hands and was avoiding job hunting. But good god, all DAY on Jan 1, I was replying to asks, gaining followers like crazy, and pretty much just stating my opinion on anything that someone wanted to know. 

I became known as the unofficial TAB blog, and the one to come to with questions about my interpretation of the episode. I was SO obsessed with TAB, studied every nuance and narrative structure I could. 2016 was “my heyday”, and it was fun. I found my niche, and meta-writing is what I became known for. And until I got a job in April of that year, I was a pretty solid presence in the fandom, if I understand some of what I’ve been told correctly. I still ran my blog as full-time as I could having a full-time job, and still do in some ways, but yeah, 2016 is when I produced a LOT of meta, mostly Mary meta because, as I said above, I was and am obsessed with her character arc. I was learning about myself a lot more by writing meta, and my “original” meta turned into “asks” meta, which was fine by me, because I do like a good prompt to get me going.

Somewhere in there I also somehow became the blog new bloggers came to, which I didn’t and don’t mind at all, because being new in a fandom is scary and I wanted to be a friendly face because I like meeting new people. 

Then we got an announcement for S4, and like TAB I also kept track of anything and everything S4-related, so once again I was sort of the “go-to” place for everything S4 because I compiled all the stuff from setlock bloggers and listed them all for easy-access. I kept track of everything promotional, and I reblogged some of my favourite pre-S4 meta here.

Essentially, I LOVE organizing things, and people liked that I LOVED doing it, so that’s sort of how I kept my following when I wasn’t posting as much new meta. I did make a few original meta before S4, and I made a 68 day video countdown to the series which is cringy AF and I’m not linking it (lol you can find it if you look hard enough). 

We all know what happened in S4. I took a bit of heat after S4 aired, because I got people’s hopes up. I was discouraged for a bit, but then I started receiving asks that weren’t really asks, but “I need advice” and “I need support”. 

And I started answering life questions, and realized people LIKED my responses, liked my little personal anecdotes in each of my replies, and felt comforted by it. So, after S4 aired, I became an eclectic mix of life advice, meta, fics, music and TJLC / tinhatting blog. I have a “no judgement” approach to my blogging, and I think that’s why I’m still gaining a steady dozen or so followers every couple weeks, rather than losing. The only time I took a big hit was the Tumblr Feedpocalypse, where they fucked up the algorithm and I’m not getting nearly as many hits on my posts as I used to, but that could also be because we lost so many people to S4, especially after Jan 1, 2018 when people were hoping for another episode.

I personally don’t think I’m popular, but I suppose I am by Tumblr standards. I dunno, I think we all have that “starry eyed” view of popular bloggers, and I just can’t picture myself as someone anyone would fawn over. I’m just me, and you can take it or leave it.

I think where I’m at now and what I’m known for is a good place to be, to be honest, despite how S4 turned out. I’m not certain, but I FEEL like I have a positive reputation here, but don’t quote me. I know I have people in this fandom who hate me, and quite frankly it saddens me that they feel they need to expel energy on me that way when they deserve to just be happy and forget about me. 

ANYWAY, sorry that got long and rambly, but it’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, but I was waiting for the prompt to come because *shrugs* I dunno, self esteem thing, makes me think no one REALLY cares until someone actually asks, hah.

And if you made it all the way to the end here, Love ya Nonny, and thank you for asking and thank you for being a follower of my blog

[the-desolated-quill]

What’s Next For Quill?

Hi guys! I’m that arsehole that’s been moaning about Steven Moffat and Doctor Who for the past 7 months! I’m bloody knackered!

No, but seriously I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to everyone who took time out of their day to read my ramblings. That really means a lot. I’d also like to apologise for not responding to all the messages and reblogs I’ve received. I can assure you I have read every single one. I’m just often very fatigued after writing a long review, especially now that I’ve got all this other shit going on in my life now. But really, thank you so much for your messages of support and encouragement. You have no idea how much it means to me and I’m glad you enjoyed my reviews.

So what’s next? Well obviously I’ll be reviewing the new series of Doctor Who when that comes out. (It’s the first female Doctor! No way I’m missing that!) I have had a few people express interest in me reviewing the classic series, and after the disaster that was Twice Upon A Time, I kind of feel obligated to set the record straight for the First Doctor. So I am definitely going to be reviewing the William Hartnell era as well as all the other Doctors at some point. Just be patient with me. I’ve just finished reviewing the entire Moffat era of New Who. It took about 3 months longer than I intended. I’m exhausted. I kind of want a break and talk about things other than Doctor Who for a while. I’m sure you can understand. LOL.

Here’s something you’re definitely getting. Inside No. 9 reviews. I wasn’t able to review the fourth series at the time of broadcast, and that devastated me because I think Series 4 is the best series so far, and I really want to talk about it. So at the end of the month, I’m reviewing all 6 episodes. I’ve got the Blu-Ray. I’ll set a week aside to just binge-watch and blog :D

I’m also interested in reviewing the new Lost In Space series on Netflix at some point. I really liked the original, campy series and I am curious about this new series, even though I’m concerned about the dark and gritty look to it. I’m hoping and praying this is not going to be another Fant4stic. (let camp sci-fi be camp sci-fi).

To those who are asking when I’m going to be reviewing The Punisher or Jessica Jones Season 2 or any of the other Marvel Netflix shows, the answer is... probably never. I’m sorry. I really didn’t like The Defenders and I’ve been going off the Marvel Cinematic Universe for some time now. I’ve just gotten bored with the massive onslaught of content, and none of the TV series interest me enough to keep up with them. So I’ll probably just be sticking with the movies for the time being (and even that isn’t a guarantee).

I also want to resume my reviews of A Series Of Unfortunate Events. I started reviewing the books last year, got up to The Austere Academy, and then abruptly stopped when my girlfriend broke up with me. I’ve been meaning to get back to it, and I will. I promise. As for the Netflix series, I’m going to wait for Season 3 to come out, then I can just review all the episodes in one go.

Finally I want to start writing Scribbles again. For those of you who don’t know, I write these little think pieces called Quill’s Scribbles where I discuss aspects about the creative industry, behind the scenes bullshit, tropes in fiction, social issues related to media, and so on. I haven’t written one since December 2017 and I want to start doing that again.

So that’s basically my schedule for the next couple of months. Other things are sure to crop up, but those are the main things on my agenda. Hope to see you then :)

[ruinedbygaysstylinson]

hi there! i'm still somewhat new to this fandom but i'm familiar with bg and everything so i'm just wondering why people believe that liam is also stunting with cheryl? is he believed to be gay as well and this relationship with her and his baby is just another cover up? like i understand why people believe louis isn't really a dad but i don't see as much regarding liam? can you try and explain this??

Hi Nonnie!

First of all, welcome to the fandom. It’s a mess, but it’s our mess lol

I’m gonna be honest, when I first got this ask I had no clue where to start explaining just how fake Chiam is, and I wish I had a textbook answer for you. The best way I can put it is that literally everything about it makes no sense logically. None of it. Prepare for a lot of rambling.

Not sure how into the fandom you are, but if you’ve heard of RBB/SBB, they foreshadowed Chiam on Liam’s bday in 2015 at a show, using toothpaste labeled “Colegate” which is a nod to her first marriage, and the original babygate which had been labeled a couple months earlier.

As far as timelines go, Sophiam ended late October 2015. Charcole actually got married for the second time in mid 2014, and while her and her husband seperated in late 2015, they both wore their wedding rings into 2016, despite the fact that later it was hinted that Chiam began at the XF final in 2015. Chiam was announced in the exact same way every other stunt is: via an exclusive to Dick Wattpad from the Sun. Baby rumors started a couple months later, nearly 2 full months before the date Charcole supposedly conceived. During this time, Chiam made a few public appearances, all staged red carpets or pap walks, and they were never spotted together by fans outside of these. Charcole had a baby bump months before she was pregnant, and baited the media by putting her hand over her stomach in multiple events. After she became “pregnant”, Liam basically moved to LA and lived there for her entire pregnancy. He began partying, worked on his album, and acted like a single guy for the duration with no care in the world for Charcole. What a normal thing for a dad-to-be to do. They never officially announced the pregnancy, she just turned up obviously pregnant in December 2016, and then posed for Loreal with a massive bump on a campaign released in February. Her bump changed in sizes and height throughout the pregnancy, but she went into hiding so it was difficult to actual tell what was going on, which was 100% the point. The birth was announced via a single photo of Liam with a baby, despite the fact that usually moms pose with their baby. To this day, we’ve never seen the baby’s face, and Charcole has yet to show off her pride and joy. Privacy is one thing, but this is another thing entirely. If it wasn’t for Liam babbling on, you’d have no clue she had a kid.

So what are my issues with Chiam? First of all, her association with Satan Cowbell. They are besties. Judges together on XF, and recently I found out that she’s also an executive producer. Chiam was used to promote XF in late October with probably the cringiest moment they’ve had yet. If you hate Satan because of what he did to Louis/Harry, you better be concerned that Liam “willingly” shacked up with one of his friends.

Secondly, timing. Liam was planning a solo career. It’s been his dream for over 10 years. Why on earth would he decide to settle down in the middle of trying to launch his solo career, just months after ended a long term relationship? Basically this stunt forced him to “choose” between his career and his kid, which is NOT something that a loving partner would put you through. Charcole was also married until late 2016. If she was so desperate for a baby, wouldn’t it make more sense to have it with your husband rather than a guy 10 years her junior in a completely different stage of life? She’s old but she still has time. Literally everything about this relationship was set up to fail. Also, what exactly do they have in common? They moved so quickly that Liam never had to talk about her/why they are even dating. To me, the only things they have in common are that they were both in a band (with very different experiences..) and they have a kid together. Nice.

Thirdly, Charcole’s presence in his promo. In 2014 she released an album that flopped pretty badly because she really can’t sing at all her. Her fame came from her very public relationship drama and her association with XF when it was at the height of it’s fame. Her career is pretty much over and she’s most likely desperate for anything to reverse this progression. What better way to find new fans than to try and tap into one of the largest fandoms out there? Of course, she didn’t take into account the fact that we aren’t 13 year old girls with no brains, and therefore aren’t going to blindly stan her like people did with Sofa and Elk in the past. She’s ridiculously problematic as a person (she punched a woman in the face for doing her job and got convicted for assault, admitted to attacking her ex husband, dodged taxes via a shady company that closed in 2014 right when she turned up suddenly married to JB. The list goes on and on), and from what I’ve seen her personality stinks, so why would we support her? For the most part, people either dislike her or just don’t care at all. Bummer. Liam’s promo was the only way for her to get positive news out there about herself without her doing all the talking. Unfortunately for her, Liam went overboard and now people hate her just as much, if not more, than they did before this stunt. Just to be clear: normal celebs don’t launch their careers by constantly telling stories about their kid, s/o and hyping up their accomplishments from 8 years ago.

Fourthly, body language. This is a big one. Liam’s eyes in the very first selfie of them scared me to death because he looked so upset and resigned. Literally screaming for help with his facial expression. All along, the lack of intimacy between Chiam is pretty hard to dispute. They are not comfortable together at all, and I know some media sites called them out for faking affection on red carpets when they are distant in private in May 2016. Liam was a lot better at faking it last year as well, because he’s nothing if not professional. At XF this year, it was literally painful to watch them interact, and I made a post about that when it happened. Basically, as a couple they don’t have the familiarity that they should have considering all they’ve squeezed into less than two years. Liam also doesn’t talk about her fondly at all. If you pay attention, a lot of his comments just about her are negative: she scolds him, nags him, rolls her eyes at him, dresses him (in hideous pants, someone burn those), makes all the decisions about the baby, critcizes his music, etc, but at least she was famous back when he was 15 eh? (Them meeting at 14/24 when she was married for years is just another nasty aspect. She was in a mentor role and I’m disgusted she was okay with this stunt. It’s so wrong on so many levels.) Overall she sounds pretty awful to me, and that’s just based off of the picture Liam is painting.

And finally, the saga of Conchobear. The difference between actual celebrities having babies (think Beyoncé), vs Charcole is hilarious. No one ever saw her stomach when pregnant, she hid for months before and after the birth, and low and behold she popped back up with a new face! That’s the second 1D mom to get extensive plastic surgery when she should be caring for an infant. I seriously doubt she actually was pregnant, but that’s not something I’ll go into here. Liam was out working on his career a month after the announcement, and has been travelling pretty consistently since. He’s missed multiple important holidays; for example, on Father’s Day he flew from the US to Italy for a fashion show, and then back to the US. On Conchobear’s 6 month bday, Liam went out and did interviews. Do you really think that if Liam was an actual dad, he wouldn’t make every effort and move mountains to spend as much time as possible with his firstborn son? It just doesn’t make sense with what we know about Liam’s personality. He’s responsible, and he wouldn’t put himself in this situation. What he says, what we are fed, what he does, and what we know about him as a person don’t line up at all. Liam sounds like an amazing involved dad with his tales, but he lacks a basis in basic human development; his stories are cute and so unrealistic. Thus, Liam hasn’t spent any significant time with a baby. The entire stunt has been setting up single mom!Charcole, but Liam’s team has made sure to prevent her from calling him a deadbeat via the stories. It’s hard to say he was never around when he’s gushing about the kid in every interview. He’s also gotten worse at lying recently, and I get the feeling he’s tired.

So yeah, basically every aspect of this relationship is messed up in one way or another, and I’m expecting to see Chiam end sooner rather than later. If they are both out working on material, they won’t be able to hold it together imo. There’s definitely stuff I’ve missed and if any of my mutuals/followers want to add to this feel free. This is just stuff I thought of off the top of my head.

For specific examples of some of what I’ve mentioned you can check out the Twitter thread I linked below. It has some great resources and that account in general is amazing at breaking down stunt events. I’m also gonna reblog a post comparing Chiam to Zigi (another dead fauxmance) and Hiddleswift that is pretty interesting for you to look over.

https://twitter.com/EndBabygates/status/856439540831195137

Enjoy your stay in the fandom Nonnie. If you have any specific questions or need recommendations for who to follow, shoot me a message!

[alextriestowritestuff]

(Almost) First Week of College!

Hey guys!

So I’ve been a little inactive but that’s because I’m a collegiate now! I sound excited but I can feel the stress coming on. I’m in a pre-health program that my school is well known for. The program is mad rigorous and I’m not smart...this entire year will be trainwreck haha. I won’t bore y’all with the “college life” so I’ll stick to writing.

If you don’t know, I’m a freshman at a four year college. I plan to double major in Biochemistry (gotta have a day job :/ I’m kidding, my college requires us to have two majors or major-minor and it’s a pre requisite for dental school so ya) and English with an emphasis in Creative Writing. It seems like a lot but I have enough credits from APs so it’s possible to finish both degrees. Anyway, I’m taking Introduction to Creative Writing as an English credit for my Biochem degree and it doubles as an English elective for my English degree.

And BOIII let me tell ya...

I feel like it’s premature to say this because I’ve only been here for five days but I love all my classes, especially my Creative Writing class. It’s a small class-fifteen including the professor-and even the non-english majors seem excited for the assignments. According to the syllabus, we’re going to write 15 poems and two short stories by the end of the semester which is December 2017. The short stories will begin in November-ish and we will have a choice of either doing fiction for both or one fiction and one non fiction. 

The class meets twice a week for an hour and half. We talked about poetry, techniques, and read poems extensively for the first two days. The prof strongly recommended doing free verse (no rhyming basically) for beginners but if we feel we’re proficient enough, we can do rhymes. I am an unconfident rookie so I stuck to free verse. I started on my first poem today and I attacked it like a novel. I went scrounging the interwebs for a poem outline (I like outlines ok??) or how to do one and the general consensus is: most poets don’t outline. Which makes sense but I’m extra so I outlined it. A few weeks ago, I saw a prompt that sparked an idea so I wrote it in my ideas doc but I knew there wasn’t enough plot to make a novel so I thought it would be a short story. In the end, I decided to use the idea for the poem. It’s similar to a story plot so I figured I’d be in comfort zone while writing the poem.

Writing my first poem was...interesting. I enjoyed not having to think so hard about the characters and their personalities. It was more relaxed. I’ve written the poem and revised it but I’m worried about the stanzas, spacing-the actual appearance of the poem. I had center aligned the doc and it looked bomb af but I don’t if my prof will agree so I right aligned it. I’m not trying to get docked off points. I’m planning to ask him next class though. I ran into a slight wall because I wanted to put dialogue in there but after searching the internet, it’s not necessary. I think my poem will be longer than my classmates but it could just be the spacing. It’s 437 words-about a page and a half long. 

We are going to workshop all the poems and short stories in class. Workshop is writing a piece, making/emailing a copy for everyone in the class, and everyone sits around and discuss/critique your piece. I can take critique but I’ll be crushed if my prof hates it lol. He’s published and has won awards for his work so his opinion carries a lot of weight to me. At the end of the semester, we have to put all our work together and make a writing portfolio. I’m assuming we’ll get to keep it for personal use-i.e. if we wanted to publish a piece in a lit magazine or online. I’m not sure but I’m pretty sure I can publish some of my poems on here after workshop is done. If not, you guys will have to wait till December. 

I will, however, share an excerpt:

“She was so much more than just the red haired girl

She was warm and kind like a tame fire that couldn’t hurt you

The numerous splashes of freckles across her face equaled the amount of words she said in a minute“

Okay so I wrote everything above last week and saved this as a draft so I could update workshop results. So I’ve been in college for two weeks now (yay!) I still enjoy all my classes as well. 

To my surprise, the workshop went extremely well. My classmates and prof loved the imagery and the idea of the story. The consensus criticism was lineation. Every line in a poem should stand alone (not always though) and be structured in a way so it carries impact. Because I had such a long poem, I didn’t play around with the lines and some lines spilled over and some people didn’t know if some words were spillover or purposeful. Everyone also said that they weren’t sure if this was story turned poem because it read like story. Obviously, it was but my prof said it’s a form of poetry called narrative poem. He said we can definitely write narrative and turn it in. 

I’ve gotten confirmation and I can actually share my poems/short stories on here! My creative writing class doesn’t require us to edit our poem and turn it in again but everyone has to write comments and a short paragraph to the writer. Since I don’t want their suggestions to go to waste, I’ll edit my poem and work on its lineation then post it on my tumblr. I’ll create a page on my tumblr and have my poems there if you’d like to read them. I will have this particular poem up by the end of this weekend. I’ll try to remember to reblog this post with a link to page with the poem too but no promises :)

-Thanks for reading!

[lordgeales]

One entire year at Tumblr :D

DEAL WITH IT

An entire year at Tumblr running a rp blog for a vampire that we now know.. A tiny bit about. Instead of just a whole lot of nothing. When I think about it, I don’t think that much has changed, but looking back... It has. Back when I started up, I honestly had no idea how the customs of tumblr RPs worked. I didn’t know about rules, formatting posts, icons... Honestly NOTHING at all. I’m still amazed that no one yelled at me. 

I think I caught on pretty quickly tho, four months later, I made this blog. Changing from a sideblog, to a main. And boy, that changed a lot. With that came the new icons(why did I decide to go all out with them... Whhyyy), promos, rules, a design(that is very old holy-), and everything a RP’er should have. At least according to tumblr. 

Although I have to say that I still felt a bit alone being on tumblr. I never really got to speak to people OOC, and the ones I reached out to.. Oboi (((: Let’s forget about that. It gradually became better. In May I met what I’d call my first “tumblr friend”. Who unfortunately isn’t very active RP-wise anymore.

December was wild compared to the rest of my time. Starting with a meme that led to me getting to talk with Lily(@elyon-kurae​), not to mention the dear Vero(@monophagia​) joining in on the RP :D! That has led to yet another chain event, and I’m very much involved in the RP community now. I think I finally understand what it’s all about.

And although I’ve been through a lot, weeks of inactivity, spikes of activity and shitposting, tons of asks, lack of asks.. Hm, well, we’re still here. I still have the pleasure of talking to most of the people I did back in the days, and a lot of new to call friends.

The people I’ve been interacting with through the time under the cut. Read at own risk it’s very... Long.

People listed in the correct order they appeared at my blog c;

@lestkarrkingofeurope: Starting out with a strange RP on a drawing I won(reblogged just before this post~). I have no idea what we were doing, but it was a lot of fun! Also the reason I even stumbled into this community to begin with. Lately I’ve had the pleasure of being... blessed a lot. Save me from my sins, oh holy tsunami.

@forgottenprogenitor: I think you came along with Lest, with your former muse, Akane. I adored that RP, giving me a chance to show some of Urds more gentle sides. Akihiko was the absolute breakthrough though, I adore him. I love our interactions, and look forwards to yet another year!

@tatsu-rose-bathory: YOU CAME WITH A FLOWECROWN! I remember that much :D! It took a few weeks before we eventually interacted, but I was pretty much in love with Tatsu from the start(still very much am). I really enjoy reading about her, not to mention their occasional small talk they do nowadays. It’s so nice having someone around that Urd actually looks at with gentle eyes ;-;

@makotonarumi/@dusksovereign​: Unfortunately no longer active, but just for the sake of people reading it - Holy fUCK?! When you first reached out to me I was soooo confused. Still am. You are/were an amazing writer, and honestly I felt so bad whenever I wrote replies, because.. Ah, I didn’t feel worthy at all. You were extremely nice to me, however, sending me all kinds of anon-love, tagging me in memes... Ahh. Thank you so much. I don’t think you know how much it meant to me. Just. Thank you. And I’m sorry for being such a slob with the replies.

@ferid-trash-bathory/@shusaku: Turns out you’ve been around forever. Through it all. Wow. Sometimes I do wonder just how bad of an impression i left back then *lol*. Ah, I remember us talking every now and then, it’s just lately I’ve come to know you for “real”. I really like your portrayal of “Fred”, not to mention Shusaku.... Who I might have been a bit mean to back then.... *coughs* Aha, but I’ve been sure that you were nice for a very long time. Still very happy that I reached out to you about the Egypt AU. Although Vero was dying in the background. Best meme lord. Also someone I can always trust to help Urd get revenge on Saito. Gotta get back at that ass amirite.

@mrsaitou: “My first real Tumblr friend” ahh. I really miss having you around. We talked a lot about... I don’t even know. But we talked a lot. I can’t even remember if it started in May, where the first meme with you were tagged, or if we started talking later on. I think I have your personal somewhere... Might dig that out sometimes soon to hear what you’re up to.

krultepxs: Deactivated, unfortunately... A Krul I had tons of fun with, planning all kind of strange stuff. Urd keeping Krul a prisoner after her treason in the Kremlin. An AU where they had to marry. Unfortunately we never got to RP, or plan that much due to me going hiatus for a few weeks. 

@lvstforblood​: OKAY WE BONDED OVER A MEME... And then never talked again. Rip. But if you ever feel like rp’ing, you know where to find me. Winks at.

@asurayuucentral​/@perfectasura​: I can’t even remember when you started coming around tbh, but we haven’t interacted that much. Still I feel like you’re kinda my friend, and I love to see your little likes and crack reblogs ;-;! Also I’d love to rp with you some more whenever!

@erisblonde​: Wonder if you’re still around and into the fandom? We’ve theorized a lot about Urd ahh... Unfortunately it kinda died out - probably due to me going inactive. I tend to do that a lot, huh... Just know, that if you feel like talking theories, hit me up. Anytime. Anyday.

@riddlemehiss/@dil-a-to-ry: WOOP! MY FAVORITE CAT! Okay I was kinda skeptic when The Cheshire cat waltzed into my askbox. But surprisingly I really enjoy his interactions with Urd. You play him amazingly, like holy shit. I’ve enjoyed every single second. Also you’re a really nice person, I think I still see you around every now and then, although Cheshire is on Hiatus. But if you ever feel like reviving him... You can count on Urd to be confused by his lack of respect for gravity :P!

@masterofzawarudo: Can I just say that I love everything about Dio. Although Urd doesn’t. In fact he’s probably annoyed by every single fiber of his being. Sorry for not reaching out to you more often, you’re seriously awesome. Although I find it kinda hard to connect on the strength-level, since our muses come from such different verses. BUT AS LONG AS THEY DON’T FIGHT I’M UP FOR ANYTHING. COME FIGHT ME! YA! wait, don’t do that. Fuck. Also I don’t follow you because I don’t watch Jojo, and you post so much stuff about that rip, still love your blog tho

@kruliisms: Hmmm... Here’s where I’m in doubt. I never wrote it down anywhere, but are you perhaps Krultepxs? Ah, I don’t know. What I know for sure, is that we never really got back to RP’ing, and that you’ve gone inactive yet again. But just to let you know, if you ever feel like doing something with Urd - you’re more than welcome to hit me up :)!

@krullish: Hmm... I think we planned something a while back, but never got around to do it? But anyway, if you feel like RPing with the... shitty russian vampire lord, well... Here I am. Still around c;!

@repulsc: EEEYYYYYYY CASCADA AND LATE NIGHT SHIT POSTING! That my jam. Also chain kinks. I did not say that. I don’t think we’ve ever done anything aside from shitposting and endless icon threads of stare-battles. Always up for more. Or smth serious, whatever you feel like. Winks very hard at.

@brassboundvalkyrie: I think I first noticed you for real when you commented on a picture of me(the mun), however I never really got around to talk to you. Unfortunately our muses are not very compatible orz! BUT HEY! Suddenly you were there, yelling to me about Vero, and whelp... I accidentally joined. Whops. You’re a real nice person, and I looove your Horn. Hope she’ll find a Crowley soon. Until then, I’ll suffer in silence with you. Looking forwards to meeting you c;! Just... No straw, and no masks, k?

@wintersoldier-barnes: Wiggles eyebrows Please send me more Urd. Send me all the Urd. I love the Urd. Gimme the Urd. Urd drug buddy. Also yet another sinner of the SaiUrd squad. Feel free to send me (n)Urds at any times, or just anything in general. You’re amazing to talk to, so~! Also you’re a really pretty Urd holy shit

@rk-silverknight: You just fit in here for some strange reason, because Noblesse yass! We’ve never interacted ic, but you’re still a really nice person! I hope we’ll get to talk some more sometimes in the future. Or perhaps break the bundaries between our muses worlds... Who knows. Perhaps they could actually get along.... Or just have a silent starring contest. 

@elyon-kurae: I can’t even... How did we go from relationship meme to... Talking about high and low? You are an adorable person, and.. So sorry for ruining your innocence orz! BUT EYY SAIURD BUDDY~! Also corner buddy, Tumblr sis, and everything really. I like you tons <3

@rigr-stafford: It’s really nice to have you around! I know we haven’t talked much ooc, but just stretching a leggi out and saying EY I LIKE YOU TOO! Looking forwards to our future interactions!

@borntobeafangirlxd: I think it’s really cute how you manage to like my posts all the time. Aaahhh, you probably have no idea how much it means to me! I’m so happy you like my portrayal, 

@monophagia: How the fuck did the tag “Another traitor has joined the game~” END UP IN A THREAD WITH MIKU, A TV BEING IMPALED BY A SPOON, AND MAKEOUT ON THE BLOODY FLOOR?! KJLaslfhalskfd. I cannot. Even. Just... Lol. Also you liking that Saito-rp-partner ask, and actually making a blog for him is probably the best thing that happened in my whole Tumblr history. You almost deserve a whole post by itself, so I’ll just stop before it gets too long lol. I love u bby, and I fucking adore your Saito. Be it angsty human Saito who gets way too dramatic whenever Urd ignores him, the priest who adores his pharaoh way too much, or the canon-vampire with his weird pudding obsession. You’re a joy to write with, and honestly I’m amazed we’re still keeping it up. I’M SO HAPPY YOU REACHED OUT TO ME?! OK SEE U IN LIKE... SOON. Don’t kidnap me for too long when I come to Germany tho. I cannot German. 

@playfulprogenitor: For some reason I can’t tag you? BUT just want to let you know, that you’re free to swing by anytime! It was really fun seeing you join in on the shitposting! 

@lacus-owns-you: We actually interacted through your OC @louischerel long before I even knew that it was you on that Lacus account. HELLO MOMMY! You’re a joy to talk to, and although we rarely RP, I still enjoy haning out with you ooc <3!

@hiiragi-yukine: Aaah you seem so nice! Although we haven’t really spoken outside the RPs, I really enjoy your OC. Also Yukine as faceclaim doesn’t make it any worse noragamiftwamirite.

@ALL THE PEOPLE I PROBABLY FORGOT

Thank you so much for following me! And I’m so sorry if I forgot you, I had to go through a lot of posts, so I probably did orz.

@ALL MY ANONS

I LOVE YOU TONS THANKS FOR ALL THE ASKS THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT

AND THANK YOU FOR LOVING URDS BUTT I know it’s amazing

He secretly loves you too

[ancientcalamity]

『                     193 out of 200 followers...                          Pfft, close enough! Hello, everyone!     Thank you all for following me. I'm grateful and... it's been many     years since I last made a Follow Forever or anything like this;     been years since I've trusted people enough to really bother,      so it was hard for me to do. There's going to be that bias list below,     the different people I know/have come to know/am in the process     of getting to know and that have changed me for the better I guess     you could say? So, to all of you, even if you aren't on the list, 

                                    thank you.

I’d like to put a warning here that it gets pretty personal below the cut, so for a tl;dr of the names, they are as follows: 

@guidcnce

@blessedbisha

@divineveena

@hafuriyuki

@calamitouscyan

and last but not least, @shinxki. 

Not only are they extremely skilled as writers, they’re extremely wonderful people altogether. 

Now...

                      If ya continue to read, it’s yer choice now.                                            It’s long.     』

As a child to early teen, I'd gone through multiple different types of abuse ranging from sexual to mental and while I'm not a coo-coo person going out to murder random people (lol) or anything like that, I do have mental illnesses and I've had physical disorder(s?) that I'm still going through/getting past thanks to my history. 

           Each day, I feel horrible waking, honestly.

Don't feel worth it. I'm obnoxious. I'm pushy. I'm clingy. I'm a creep. Still getting to know myself as a person. Still getting to understand emotions again. Still getting to being normal in some way. Still trying to get to the point of not blaming myself for any and everything bad that happens to me or my loved ones.

Those sorta things and of course the other usual stuff besides depression.

Anxiety.

Mild schizophrenia.

Extremely mild dissociative disorder.

aaaaand lastly paranoia.

I don’t think I’m too ‘out there’ with my mental issues and I think I’m sane enough to handle myself out in the world so yeah. My eating disorder isn’t here any longer but I do forget to eat by accident (woops!) so my anemia decides to go 

and so, I, in return, go

“-dies-”

I came to the Noragami roleplaying fandom on October 22nd, 2016, but I wasn’t really... out there and not known to much of anyone. I didn’t post for long periods of time, too, and I just sorta accepted it cuz ya know? I was new. I met a few blogs here and there but low and behold that didn’t work out but I’m pretty used to having shit go down the drain for me. It wasn’t odd or anything for me and for a bit I’d though about deleting, remaking, and going to another fandom. 

Fast-forward to late November-beginning December and I get a follow back by @guidcnce. “Whoa! Cool! A Kazuma! Holy shit a Noragami blog is following me!” I said, getting overly excited as I ate my Oreos that day-- “Lemme check out their blog!” 

Lil’ ol’ me goes to see the blog, I’m happy, excited-- and my eyes fall on @calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @hafuriyuki.

“....Shit.”

“Okay, so 1.) There’s another Yato and holy fuck, his blog is great, 2.) There’s a BISHAMON ( @divineveena ) but she talks to @calamitouscyan too (fuck me sideways) and 3.) A YUKINE! ( @hafuriyuki ) YAAAA- fuck he tALKS TO @calamitouscyan too?!?!? HOW FUCKING FAMOUS IS THIS DUDE?? Shit, they must’ve been here for such a long time, shit shit shit shit shit--” 

Insert panicking and anxiety filled Cel here! -pops party streamers- WOOOOOOO! Yer not good enough!! Fuck yeah! You got people that’ve not only been here WAY longer than you but your blog LOOKS LIKE TRASH AND SO DO YOUR ICONS! NICE!

Yooooooooooou suuuuuuuck!

I suck it up, keep my emotions to myself and wing it with @guidcnce; I got new followers, I meet with OCs and canon rpers, I talk and plot with people, things goin’ great! Kazuma’s bitch ass is being one of the nicest people I’ve met and holy fuck if it wasn’t for them being so nice/lenient with me I wouldn’t-- WAIT. THAT’S NOT IT!

DID YOU KNOW MY YATO IS NOT A /NORMAL/ YATO??? NO?

...

why the fuck are you reading this then?

Go read my About and Rules, you fucker I swear to GOD I WILL FUCKING END YOUR LI- 

....

..........

...moving on.

Kazuma had the NERVE to not ONLY reply to my starter with them in canon (well written canon might I add if you don’t follow them you might wanna do so cuz ya know they’re great and stuff and mhm good shit-- A-ANYWAYS-), but also responded to my character AS IF THEY WERE IN THE SAME VERSE AND WORLD AND SPEAKIN’ NORMALLY-- I just...

I WAS EMOTIONAL OKAY???? I STILL AM. 

I STILL AM DAMN YOU. 

...They didn’t just treat me right when we met and talked in private but they did so in rp and... I think because of them I started to open up more. Finally, I got in gear with my blog and icons and every thing in general for Tumblr. I made a brand new follow post and I was excited and--

....why are @divineveena, @calamitouscyan, and @hafuriyuki following me??? ........no. 

no.

no.

NO.

NONONONONONONONONONO-- 

I’M NOT READY FOR THIS WHAT IF THEY THINK I’M SHIT WHAT IF THEY MOCK ME WHAT IF THEY TALK ABOUT ME THEY SEEM LIKE FRIENDS I’M NEW WHAT IF-

aaaaand here goes panicking Cel x2.

These people are following me, reblogging from me, SENDING ME ASKS--

I get invited to a group of other people and... I’m afraid. Skeptical and looking back at it, I still am sometimes but... that’s something for another day. 

@calamitouscyan, @divineveena, and @shinxki are the main others there and it feels like going to a party in the Office and you know how everything is awkward? Yeah that. 

There are a few others that I’m sad to say are no longer there but... I don’t hate anyone. Was raised differently than that. 

A month goes by and I feel better to talk to others, a few events have happened, and it looks like I have a brand new roleplay partner! Not only did @calamitouscyan and @shinxki include me in something I never thought I’d do- having an OC shinki, a LIVING-- ...dead? ... breathing? ... 

fuck it, whatever-- AN OC SHINKI THAT WE LITERALLY FIGHT TOGETHER, but they were supportive during the whole time. @hafuriyuki joined us soon and both of the shinki got along and just...

Everyone was together. An actual family and a group. @calamitouscyan turned out to be another ‘self’ (DICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) ((don’t ask, they’ll get it)) in not just rp but /outside/ it too because of our cultural similarities and it moved to the point I showed a game I was playing and they joined. THEY JOINED AND WE DANCE TOGETHER IN GAME!

I’M NOT KIDDING, LOOK!

I have a friend to play with! 

Outside of the game, @divineveena ruins my FUCKING life because we managed to make a relationship for Older!Yato and Bishamon, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they tried to kill each other at one point. 

A BrOTP to such a point-- ugh it’s been years.

YEARS.

Trusting people has not been something I do and after YEARS of agony she managed to be my literal best friend and it makes me want to cry.

FUCK WE CAME UP WITH STUPID AS FUCK ‘CRINGE’ MEME ICONS. SHE HAS ONE OF BISHAMON. HERE’S YATO.

It’s AMAZING.

The amount of memes we make it fuckin’ stupid. I love it.

and now there’s another Bishamon- not giving me two of the same type of person but a Bishamon who’s tragic and heartbroken and has problems @divineveena but another who’s ALSO tragic but also healing and softer. @blessedbisha

She has tried her fucking hardest to bring up spirits and cheer up others and just do what she can for each of us- she’s like a mom. I’m Satan of the fandom so someone has to even out my evil deeds- 

SERIOUSLY, though, when things are down and horrible, they keep moving. 

It’s encouraging. 

Both of them. 

They both try so hard for everyone, even in the worst times. 

Even though I know @divineveena more, I highly doubt @blessedbisha is less caring and both of them fuck up my life as Bishamons because...

ya know.

Bishamon likes beating me up and                       ruining my day SO YEAH.

....then there’s @shinxki.

I believe I met her around two or three months ago, after meeting the other Yato and Bishamon. 

.......

...............

-deep breath-

When I ‘like’ a friend or someone it’s not /that/ type of crush. Not lovey dovey so don’t go cringing away from this post just yet. 

                It’s like...  earlier I said I get clingy; I’ve been abandoned before, multiple times, whether it be for my sexual orientation, my race, my gender issues, my mental issues, my bluntness, or whatever the fuck else people have blown up on me and told me before they left, I’ve been dropped and left. Even recently, when I first started this blog, someone did it within a week because I left to give them space after we had a disagreement. It’s still affecting me, even now. I don’t...

I don’t do well with people hiding things or forgetting me or leaving me behind. I have the phobia about being forgotten or abandoned. It’s full blown and it isn’t pretty. I hate it, but when there’s someone who puts effort into me or something I like and at the same time they talk to me about their issues and don’t hide those things from me and trust me and want to actually bother with me and put up with me and it’s just

-rambling- 

IT’S LIKE

“THIS IS MY FRIEND. THIS IS /THAT/ FRIEND. THIS IS THE MAJOR FRIEND. LOOK AT THEM. LOOK. DO YOU SEE THEM? THIS IS THE BAE OKAY LOOK.”

I guess what I’m saying is she’s close. She means a lot and I’m grateful that she

-puts up with me -likes me as a friend -is my shinki -is my ship-friend -is honest with me -is blunt -goes off on me -snaps at me -gets mad at me -doesn’t put me on a pedestal -doesn’t hide things from me

the list goes on but I guess you get the point.

......When I was either 11 or 12 or somewhere near that age, I made a promise to myself, not a nice one and the date of that promise is coming but/and for the first time in a long while, and I mean years again, I don’t know what to think about it and I’m not sure if things will end up going to that point. 

To be fair, the only thing I really want now is a job and to go to school. I have a great mom and I actually have friends so... that’s all I want and... 

...I think I’d be okay if I had that. 

Maybe a therapist and/or a counselor again, too (lmao)...

but... I have these guys to thank for helping me get as far as I have. My life only seems like it’s a downward spiral but they all make me so happy and I owe a lot to them. I’m brash, harsh, blunt, depressed, anxious, and all around a not very pleasant person to be around and all of them try for me and each other. ...They all put themselves down or they’re unhappy in some way and it hurts, because they mean so much more than that and I don’t know what else to do for them. 

I’m a person behind a computer screen so...  -shrugs- 

A ‘thank you’ isn’t really enough. Not a simple one, anyways. 

You each mean a lot to not only me but others and I want you and other people to know that. I’m not dead yet, so ya have to be doin’ something correct, right? 

...

I’mma stop rambling and leave this here for you all, alright?

                              𝑚𝑎𝑦 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑒.

                                                                  - 𝖈𝖊𝖑.

[21putnamp]

Welp got tagged by @deviantconnorarmy so here I go lol

Nickname: Mae or NeeNee from my baby brother 😇

Gender: Female

Star Sign: SAGITTARIUS

Height: 5′ 1 (help me I’m small 💔)

Time: 5:09 am (sleep if for the weak 😂)

Birthday: December 10th

Favorite Bands: I also can’t pick a favorite band cuz I end up jumping music to music. I’d say the one band that I like every song of is the collegehumor songs on YouTube, but I don’t think they count 😅😅

Favorite Solo Artists: still have difficulty choosing artists, but right now I’m obsessed with listening to Usher “Confession” pt. 1 and 2 so I guess rn him

Song that’s stuck in your head: UGGGHHH I FOUND THIS FLIPPING AMAZING SONG FROM FLIPPING DISNEY CALLED “Ready as I’ll Ever Be” AND AGGGHHH THE VOCAL SINGERS THEY GOT ARE SO GOOD AND THE INSTRUMENTAL IS JUST ADHDHAFGZDHEG

Last film: The SpongeBob Movie, because my baby brother refuses to watch anything else so therefore I have to refuse to watch anything else 😅😅

Last TV Show: Voltron: Legendary Defenders Season 6 because I love my emo son Keith and he deserves the world tbh (plus I come over the realization that he was able to kick shiros butt in a fight so like 😈)

Why did you create this blog?: I heard from a friend about Tumblr and I’m like “mmmhhhh k I guess won’t hurt to try” so I figured ‘I’ll just reblog one fandom!’ and Future me sat in a corner laughing

Last thing you Googled: Red Queen Villian Google, because I had no idea who she was and o saw a zodiac text post and I wanted to see them

Other blogs: Oh I killed my other blogs for actually making me cringe 😂😂

Why the URL?: It’s honestly my school login username and I don’t have the creativity to come up with something new 😂😂

I Follow:

Followers: Here, 292 and rapidly growing.  AngelDesaray has 348.

Lucky Number: 16, though 15 was my basketball number.

Instruments: The vocal chords lol.  And a slight background of elementary recorder.  But I can legit sing, I’ve just got stage fright.  I’ve been fighting the “Should I post a video of my singing online?” question for years now.

What are you wearing?: Barefoot, pale blue jean shorts, aquamarine V-neck, hair down, rectangle glasses

Dream Job: Singer…author…actress.  Technically I’m already a self-published author, so I’ve accomplished one of those three dream jobs.

Last book you read: Fanfiction I read an RK900xReader a few seconds ago, but I’m doing summer classes, so I’ve read A Poetry Handbook recently lol.  Actual Novel Wise, the last book I read was Family Don’t End With Blood.

Top 3 Universes: DBH, Supernatural, Star Wars