#also I think she was definitely more nerdy in elementary school and then worked her way up to middling popularity in middle school

[ennabear]

hii !! 🫶🏻 just discovered your account and i love it !! :) i was wondering if you could write some more headcannons about ellie? like, what job would she do? etc. i like to think that if she existed today, she'd probably be an illustrator for children's books !! that'd be so cool, tbh. i can see her making books about space or dinosaurs, and going to book fairs at schools to meet kiddos and talk to them about it. (crossover with professor!abby who used to teach little kids 🫶🏻🫶🏻) aah. sorry for rambling. but like, i just think ellie would have a blast if she existed today. like with all the museums ?? all the new ways to make art ?? but anyway !! what are *your* headcannons for modern ellie !! 🪐🫶🏻

modern!ellie’s job!! (hc) 🦕

thx for the request bae cause this made me smile so big. i have SO many hcs for modern ellie like i’ve been waiting for this moment!!!!! also dw about rambling i love to hear your thoughts 🤗

ok for starters i think ellie would be a nerd in high school. i know that some people headcanon her as a jock or a stoner (and that ellie has a special place in my heart) but i definitely think she’d be the opposite tbh. i imagine her with only a few friends (dina, jesse, cat). and i also think she’d have insanely good grades because she’s just smart like that. and all of her teachers love her because even though she’s quiet, she’s really kind and creative.

also i think her family would be just her and joel and maybe a dog. like imagine her spending her weekends getting guitar lessons from joel and then taking her dog on a walk and documenting it in her journal. she would fr have such a blast!!!!

for college i definitely think she’d major in astronomy/astrophysics or maybe art history?? and in her last years of college, she’d get a job as a secretary for a science museum. honestly, she didn’t hate it, but she was super jealous of the tour guide because she got to take all of the cute little kids on a walk and talk about the fun stuff while ellie had to sit behind a desk all day. but after begging her supervisor enough, she’d get promoted to tour guide after the mean old lady who used to do it retired.

and guess what??? the kiddos loved her!!! she always made sure the kids were having a great time and she knew a lot about what she was talking about, whether it was dinosaurs or planets or volcanoes. and the joke book came everywhere with her!! absolutely nothing made her happier than hearing the little monsters giggling and squealing about a joke that wasn’t even that funny.

abby and ellie would become good friends because of the time abby took her class to the museum on a field trip. they ended up actually really liking each other, especially because they had so much in common. and sometimes after work they’d meet up at a bar and talk about life, it was nice for them to both have a new friend who was equally as nerdy.

ellie would be a tour guide for quite a few years while abby got her doctorate. a few years after abby became a professor, ellie tried out illustrating a childrens book for a local visitor at the museum who was really fond of ellie. it was nothing too big, but she was really proud of it.

after she finished the drawings for the book, she wanted to try writing one of her own. so she decided to write a textbook for kids about dinosaurs with her own illustrations and a joke on every page.

safe to say it was super successful!!! she ended up going to local elementary schools and educating the littles about the different types of dinosaurs and each era they lived in. and you better believe old man joel was so proud!!!! his little girl ellie that he used to take to dinosaur museums was now writing her own dinosaur books!!!

i think eventually she’d quit her job at the museum and focus on being a writer full time, along with keeping art as a hobby. and i can 100% see her getting married and adopting a kid just like joel adopted her, and she’d pass on all of her science knowledge to her mini self. also i think she’d mainly only write science textbooks for kids, but may end up publishing a sci-fi novel or two.

i think that’s all :3 thanks for the ask sweetie pie ilysm 🫶

daily click / israeli themes in tlou

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where Benny Weir gets set up on a blind date with the reader who is deaf

A/N: In this, Ethan and Sarah are dating and set Benny and the reader up because it'll make the story make more sense and possibly more interesting xx :)) of course if there are any mistakes, please tell me so i can fix them

CW: slight talk of feeling like the reader isn't worth it (quickly does down the drain bcs c'mon benny is such a simp ong), Sarah being an absolute queen, kisses, Sarah and Ethan basically stalking to make sure the date was going well. That's about it, I hope you enjoy the story xxxx

The Blind Date.

I had known Sarah since we were in elementary school and we both liked similar things, she's a sweet girl and all but she likes to take a lot of things on by herself. She never liked asking for help because, well she never needed it. Always had good grades and was a very patient person, which came in handy for me because I am deaf. I was a lot like Sarah, in the way that I hated asking for help but that was because I didn't want people to think I couldn't do anything by myself, I could but sometimes people needed to be patient, and she always did.

She liked to help me in a lot of ways like learning sign language with me so we could communicate easier, making sure I didn't get told off for 'not listening' to substitute teachers when they didn't know I was deaf, etc. This also meant that she helped me by also helping one of her friends too.

Benny had been complaining to Ethan about not having a girlfriend yet and constantly whining about being lonely while Ethan tried (albeit failing) to give his dearest friend some well needed advice. It had gotten to the point where Ethan had no idea how to help him because anything that he told Benny to do, didn't work.

Ethan had told Sarah about what had happened and asked her for more tips for Benny since she had been in more relationships than he had when something had clicked in her mind. She had the same problem he was having, but with me. I had been constantly complaining to her via sign language across rooms or face-to-face. She knew that my type was the nerdy, awkward guy that loved to ramble on about random things, but it didn't matter, no one really wanted to date me because they thought that even though I wore hearing aids all the time and only occasionally used sign language when talking to my friends, that I wasn't worth the effort.

It didn't bother me too much because it was something I couldn't change but it also bothered me a bit because it was something that I couldn't change, it was a part of me, like how someone could have scars, but in my case, it was my inability to hear.

One day, she had had enough of Ethan constantly complaining about Benny saying he needed a girlfriend, it didn't matter who, and me constantly doing the same. As I got into my parents car to be picked up from school, Sarah was planning for me and one of her and Ethan's male friends called Benny Weir to go on a date together. She had surmised an entire plan for all of our problems to go away, hopefully. This included her and Ethan scheming behind mine and Benny's back.

It also didn't help that she knew exactly what my type in men was because it was the lanky, uncool, nerdy, strange, weird boys that rambled on about comics, games, movies, tv shows etc. for hours on end because I always felt they didn't get enough recognition for who they actually were, unlike the 'cool' jocks that failed every class just to be deemed interesting by his peers. It also helped that Benny would fall in love with any girl, no matter what she looked like or what she had that was different, it only made her more pretty. The only reason why we hadn't met before was because our paths had never crossed much, if at all, and he definitely did not have the same amount of courage and confidence as Rory did.

It was about 8 o'clock on a Friday night when Sarah had so graciously told me that I was going on a date to the park with the boy of my dreams and would not give any specific details other than he was basically just my type and that I needed to be at the park for about 2pm tomorrow afternoon. When I saw this, I thought she was bluffing but she told me she was serious and she even pinky promised that she wasn't joking with me and that I was actually going on a date tomorrow with someone. I decided to play along, and go to the date.

Likewise, Benny was told by Ethan that he was going on a date but was more nervous than he thought he would be, wondering who it would be, if I was going to be nice, how was he supposed to dress, oh god how was he supposed to dress, he's never been on a date before. He decided to agree and call Rory in the morning to help him get dressed for the occasion because Rory has more experience in this right? Right??

After messaging goodnight and doing my usual night time routine, I slipped into bed, looking forward to tomorrow, a warm swell of butterflies filled my chest thinking about what he may be like or look like.

After Benny had done his usual night time routine, he clambered into bed, tossing and turning side to side, nervous of what tomorrow would bring him, still slightly unsure if Ethan would prank him like that, a nervous swarm of butterflies clanked around his body as he tried hard to go to sleep, wondering if I'll at least be nice and like him... at least just a bit.

-----The Next Morning-----

Since I set my alarm so I could have an early morning start and put a bit of effort into my looks, I was able to throw the perfect casual but interesting look together, have a nice breakfast, do my hair so it looked decent at least, do a bit of homework so I wasn't behind, and make sure I was there on time. (you can wear what you want bbys x)

Benny on the other hand was a different story, he woke up with a very confused Rory in his room, looking down at Benny with a pile of 'suitable' clothes for a date cradled in his arms, his bed an absolute mess from being unable to sleep all night, and his phone still going off with alarms that had been going for at least an hour. Panicking, he checked the time and saw he only had an hour and a half to get fully ready, fed to some extent, out the door and at the place of the date.

After a long time of picking out the best clothes of the bunch, he settled on a rainbow cat t-shirt (courtesy of Rory), a pair of jeans, a jacket (courtesy of the floor) and his converse and a bracelet or two that was lying around.

Around 10 minutes before I got to the park, I got a message from Sarah with a number attached, just saying 'Benny's number ;)' on the message, I quickly added it and dialled the number, calling it to know how far he was and where we were meeting in the park, at least I hope he was coming.

Benny got a message from Ethan saying 'Readers number' with it attached, and he stopped where he was in the street and stared at his phone in disbelief for a good minute or two, unsure of what to do. Does he call you? Is he supposed to text her? No, that'd be weird and out of the blue. Do I-

His train of thought stopped when he saw the same number on his phone calling him, now panicking because he wasn't sure on what he was supposed to say but before it rang out, he answered.

"Hello? Are you my date?" Strange start, but not an unprompted question to say the least. "Did Sarah set you up to this too?" I asked the boy on the other side of the phone, genuinely curious.

"Uh yeah, sorry, I don't know your name. I was only told last night that I was doing this." He said, so it wasn't just me that was confused.

"I'm (Name), what's your name?" He didn't recognise the name so that was good, at least he wasn't being embarrassed by someone he already knows.

"Benny, Benny Weir." He said with more confidence.

"Oh, the wizard, right?" As soon as I said this, his heart sank to the floor and any confidence he ever had before, drained from him in a second. When the phone was quiet for a moment too long, I decided to speak again.

"Don't worry, Sarah already told me about you being a wizard a while ago, and I know she's a vampire." I explained, hoping that he knew I was being sincere.

"Where abouts in the park do you want to meet up? I think there's this really cool willow tree nearby a coffee shop if you want to go there?"

"Yeah, that sounds good to me, I'll see you there." I said with a big smile across my face as I hung up the phone.

By the time I had gotten to the park, there was a few families there, a couple with their dog and a few older people sat on benches with bread or bouquets of flowers they had picked. Under the willow tree, there was a boy, sat with fluffy brown hair, a slightly crinkled jacket, a rainbow cat shirt, jeans, and converse... was this Benny?

He was pretty cute so I picked up all the courage and confidence I had and walked over to him. "Hey, are you Benny?" I asked when I got close enough to him.

Benny's head turned towards me in a moments notice, almost looking like it hurt with the pure velocity. A shaky but affirmative answer followed as he took me in for a moment. His expression read nervous so I sat down next to him and started to talk to him, slowly making him more comfortable by asking him what he liked and 'nerding' out with him about his interests.

Turns out, we shared a lot of things in common, and I could already feel myself looking at him in a different light, liking him more than I thought I would because of his charming smile that grew more with pretty much any passing moment, cheeks that go red, his eyes that could hold a thousand secrets if you asked him to. Just everything about him was adorable in one way or another.

He felt the same, slowly (but really not) falling more and more in love with everything about me with every new thing he learned. As I was picking myself up from laughing at a joke he made, he finally saw something that usually turned more people away.

"Oh my god, you have hearing aids?" He questioned, with an unusually happy tone, one that felt almost out of place to me.

"Yeah, I was born almost fully deaf in both ears, I can still hear without it in but it is very muffled, my family taught me sign language when I was younger in case I did ever go fully deaf and Sarah learnt it with me," I rambled on, now nervous as to what he would think of me or if he even cared.

"That's so cool!" He almost shouted, already asking me more questions about it.

After answering most of his questions, we got up to go the little café that had a library attached to it, having a quiet conversation while going through the comic section, quietly browsing with Benny while he talked about some of his favourite plot points and characters in the comics, while comparing it to some of the various tv shows and movies he's watched.

We sat down next to each other in a corner of the café and talked about ourselves and had a really good time. I could already tell I had fallen completely head over heels for him and I hoped he felt the same about me.

He did, he could practically feel the heart eyed, love struck, cartoonish face he was probably pulling while he was listening to me ramble on about some of my favourite characters but he didn't care, he thought I was so cool already and hoped I felt the same.

After it had gone 7pm, we decided to get up and leave the café, having already been there for a few hours, and walk each other home. As we walked, I decided to make a bold move and hold his hand, blaming it on the fact it was cold outside, at this he gave me his jacket that was already warm and smelt like him. It was soft, slightly clammy, probably from nerves and from being warm inside the café and coming outside. It fit my hand perfectly, like two jigsaw pieces being placed together.

As we made it to my house, we exchanged farewells and I went to take off his jacket to give back to him, he grabbed both sides of the jacket and pulled it back onto my shoulders, keeping them there and telling me to keep it. I made a split minute decision and pulled his face to my level while standing up a bit higher to reach him and kissed him. We both froze for a moment and I pulled away to apologise but he held my face close to his. Our eyes locked for just a moment before he pulled me back in for another kiss.

Unbeknownst to us, Sarah and Ethan had been sat in a bush near my house, taking pictures of us, almost celebrating the fact that we will both hopefully stop bugging them both about being single.

Just before we parted ways, we both agreed to go on another date soon I kissed his cheek before going inside my house, letting a slightly too loud excited squeal leave my lips. Benny heard me and realised what had just happened and held his cheek the entire way home, only letting go when he made it back to his house and sat down on his bed and started to watch videos on how to do sign language. We had messaged almost the entirety of the night until we both fell asleep, smiling with our phones in our hands, a message waiting to be sent on both of our chat boxes, 'I love you'.

[spiritshaydra]

VERY LONG EMOTIONAL EARLY MORNING RAMBLING INCOMING I just want to say that even though I’ve never really posted about it, The Owl House is one of the shows I really really wish came out when I was in middle school, or early high school.

If I relate to Luz so strongly NOW as an adult, I would have clung to her like glue as a child during probably some of the worst moments of my life. When I was getting bullied relentlessly, the isolation, the not understanding why I stood out like a sore thumb and wanting nothing more than to have close friends and fit in, to be understood; having such a beautifully animated and written show about a weirdo teenage girl who didn’t fit in, who found loving friends and more, who got to go on adventures in a magical and mysterious land rich in lore, and then learned to embrace her weirdness and that it was okay to be different? It would’ve struck such a huge chord with me then like it does now, except back then it would’ve definitely been like getting hit by a train in a positive way.

I didn’t have shows with lead protagonists who were female while also being weird and geeky along with not being stereotypically feminine growing up- I couldn’t relate to any of the girls in my cartoons because usually the weird/nerdy girl character is used for gags and nothing more (or are completely sidelined) at best (or worst), or ended up being a love interest to the male protagonist at the worst (or best). I loved shows about adventure with cool fight scenes which were mostly marketed for boys, and even those with a wider audience usually didn’t have a girl as their main protagonist (and usually the female lead to those shows played the role of “girl” and the love interest for the main character)- plus the shows targeting preteen or teenage girls specifically at the time always felt… shallow.. I couldn’t relate to them. (I think the only show I watched that was aimed at girls that I liked was MLP:FiM, but by the time I reached middle school I had stopped watching it religiously like I did in elementary school. )

It probably didn’t help that I was a closeted queer who didn’t realize that I even was at the time. Hell, I didn’t even know that gay was a thing until I was thirteen. I was never taught that it was a thing and that it was okay. (Slightly conservative religious upbringing heyo) I didn’t understand why I was never attracted to boys nor why I never went through the “boy-crazy” phase that my mother always talked about when discussing about being a preteen and teenager. I was just a “late bloomer” and that “you’ll find the right guy eventually.” Then I started having crushes on girls… but I’m twenty and yet to have that sort of “boy (or girl) crazy” phase, and for the longest time I’ve thought that I had something wrong with me because of it. Hell, I still do even now, despite finding some solace with being on the aroace spectrum. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if the numerous forced (hetero) romance plots that surrounded me growing up were one of the reasons why I don’t have a healthy view of how romantic relationships work.

So having a protagonist in an adventure show who was not only female, but also gender non-conforming, AND not having a male love interest, AND not having her entire character revolve around a romance plot, on top of not having a “makeover” episode where they removed all her weirdness to “fix” her that was written like it was a good thing, was ASTRONOMICAL. Luz was the first time I’ve ever had a true “Oh my god, she’s like me” moment with a character, let alone a major character. I felt SEEN. I remember audibly saying the words “she’s like me” when watching the show for the first time a year or so back. I wish I watched it when it first started airing in 2020; but I’m so glad that I was able to catch it as it was still releasing new episodes, instead of watching it after it had already ended.

Then when lumity became real I just… wow. I had never seen a sapphic relationship take front stage and you could see them evolve and grow, instead of “boom we in love and girl best friends now” with no development. It felt NATURAL. It resonated with me. If I was able to have cartoons that showed that it was okay to be queer, and that it was okay to not be in love with a boy, I’d probably not feel as broken and alone for being me.

I know Steven Universe had a handful of lesbian couples but they weren’t my age. They didn’t click with me like how Luz and Amity did. (Also the way that show ended makes me extremely angry 🙃 (Future specifically))

I just,,, I think twelve to fourteen year old me would’ve loved this show. If The Owl House had released when it was her time, I think she wouldn’t have felt so lost.

I think it would’ve been her guiding light.

Thank you The Owl House for making me feel seen!

[numericalbridge]

TOH rewatch semi-liveblog. Season 1 part 1b

episodes 4-5

Episode 4

- So, how do they make the forcefield against the Boiling Rain once Eda loses her powers?

- Yeah, i love that sometimes Luz and King and Eda are allowed to be mean or insensitive. What i don't like is Eda starting to say that she will 'break every bone' in King's body because he stole the elixir, and that it is not shown as something unusual and instead the story just moves on. With the knowledge that King is meant to be equal to an elementary school kid that kinda crosses the line. He is 8! (as in - i see it is a writing choice that doesn't really fit what season 2 does with Eda and King, not like anything that i hold against Eda as a person)

- But curious whether the King's plotline was changed between seasons because of the way the storyline here connects him with the plight of the demons.

- He also says that the demons are underappreciated, yet all the one-off villains in season 1 are demons or creatures☹️

- AU potential for King and Eber interactions is also golden.

- Transition between episodes from the dream-like sequence of Eda wondering who cursed her to Lilith's introduction in episode 5 is really good.

Episode 5

- Interesting how excited Willow in particular seemed to be about the Covens. Would've been interesting if the development from this point onwards got more focus, and if she had some kind of connection and confrontation with Terra. Or, alternatively if the dynamic between Eda and Willow&Gus that exists in season 1 was continued in season 2 with Eda working on becoming a mentor figure for various kids, leading to her opening the school in the epilogue.

- Tbh i think some of the one-off villains in season 1 could've been replaced by the Coven Heads.

- Mason's cameo. He seems very stoic and rather chill about getting thrown around. Interestingly he is the only Coven Head present at the convention. So maybe the newest Coven Head duties, or maybe he actually cares about his Coven.

- Not an actual criticism - it's just genre conventions, and too much exposition would've dragged the whole thing down, but i confess it always amuses me when very important bits of information about the world - for example how the goverment works - are not explained to the main character until much later even when the absense of that info is dangerous (same happened with WHA too)

- What track is fire spell magic or is it a general thing?

- Luz seems quite reasonable when she explains why she wants to check the EC to form her own thoughts (especially with the info that is available to her and the viewers at this point), and i find it interesting the way she says 'individualism' specifically (and not 'individuality' or 'independence') when describing Eda's aproach and how that connects to Eda's overall journey towards opening her institute of wild magic. I initially had conflicting thoughts about that development because i liked that Eda was allowed to be angry at the school system and never want to do anything with it ever again, but on this rewatch i definitely see how the arc is forming, so i warmed up to it. It's a pity that because of the shortening it feels like a part of her journey is still missing. And also it would've been nice to see why she doesn't seem to connect much with other wild witches - are they just scattered around and in hiding? Or is Eda shunned because of her curse?

- Why doesn't Eda ever use illusion magic?

- No, but all Eda and Lilith interactions are golden! And then season 2 happened.

- They should have, imo, shown Willow's reaction to Luz vs Amity fight, even if brief.

- Luz and King's developing relationship is also very good.

- Ahhh, but Lilith is also shown to hold some bad beliefs - looking down on humans more aggresively than other witches, throwing words like 'degenerate' around. It is clear that she wasn't just some poor nerd whose only problem was that she had to supress her real nerdy interests in the Covens, and it would've been nice to see her progression and bettering herself in s2 instead of just focusing on her relationship with her family and her geeking out. Like, Oh, Titan episode is right there to show the progress! Never understood why it prioritized Steve over Lilith, when Steve didn't even need to be deprioritized, just have all 3 travel together, show Lilith reacting to common people and helping out in the montage, then learn her lesson regarding King by the end in an actually serious manner instead of making it a joke. It is so frustrating, because I never doubted she would be redeemed, and after season 1 i was excited for her development and to see more of her, and then season 2 just went in the direction of my least favourite writing choices with her😞

----

Conclusion:

Overall episodes 1-5 mostly hold very well on the rewatch, and i found episodes 1-2 much easier to follow this time. But some problems are already obvious like Gus having less attention compared to others, and problems with certain character designs.

[scarlettaagni]

book I cannot find

I’m too lazy to make an account and figure out how to navigate reddit so I wanna open-end ask here.

so it was like, late elementary school, or middle school (so, 2010-2013), I was really into like, the pulp kids horror stuff like Goosebumps, and I was starting to get into R.L. Stine's other stuff like Fear Street which is for like, a slightly older audience. I read a book in my school’s library/my classroom’s personal books for our selection that had STRONG Fear Street or otherwise written-by-R.L.-Stine energy, but looking at his bibliography including spinoffs even written by ghostwriters, can't find anything close to it.

I remember the book's cover which was very crisp and painterly like they did back when people cared: it was some nerdy boy sitting in either his bedroom or a computer lab (predominantly blue), being knocked away from the monitor he was sitting at, as an evil woman who looked like a cross between Mortal Kombat Sindel and Wonder Woman shot out of the screen and turning back, shot a red ray out of her fingers at the screen, to destroy the computer so she can’t be put back. The story was about a video game, but these kinds of books are like from the turn of the century so it was like, old CD-ROM and floppy disc kinda technology described, and big chunky beige monitors as pictured on the cover. Two 12-ish year old boys are video game nerds, one is black and one is white, and I think they find some mysterious game, or unlock a secret in a game they like that allows the hero of the game to beam himself into reality and they befriend him, a very whole like, Iron Giant "hide the cool thing i found and teach him how the world works" kinda plot, but the villains of the game also escape, and they can use rays shot out of their hands to put real people into the game in their places (their rays are color coded, the evil woman, the main villain and on the cover, is red)

I think there's a side plot of the kids' shitty coach getting beamed into the game, and they can't hide the hero anymore so they like, put him in one of their dads' suits and pass him off as the new coach. There's a joke about the game requiring some athleticism so the main kid picks the coach, but he was a shit coach who just sat around yelling at the kids so he's out of shape and fails the challenge (this doesn’t kill the coach, it just means the kid has to try again, and can switch between “characters” to use) So the villains go around zapping people into the game until just the white kid is left and has to beat the game using the people beamed in there as his player characters since the real ones are beamed into reality. (iirc, after the coach fails, the kid picks his own friend to try it out, I think this involved climbing a spider web)

The game had 5 levels all with different themes, the last one being inside a human body where he has to go to the brain, the heart and then the soul (literally the sole of the foot) ← that’s basically how the book phrased this little joke As some miscellaneous potentially unhelpful info, I don't think anywhere on the cover they depicted the hero character, but in my mind I pictured He-Man, he gave off those 80s kids action barbarian vibes.

I’ve gone through R.L. Stine’s bibliography multiple times over, it isn’t Goosebumps, nor Fear Street (although it falls VERY in line with the vibes of those books) or any of his more older teen - adult novels, it isn’t Fright Time or American Chillers, not a nonhorror thing like The Bailey School Kids series, but it was most definitely part of a series with unrelated stories and new characters every time like Goosebumps. And it was definitely a paperback book with no illustrations beyond the cover, so no comics.

[zeitgeniesser]

Album Review: "In the Zone" – Britney Spears

More hoops less music

Ok sure, Britney Spears was famous in her own time. Like, she didn’t pull a van Gogh level posthumous glow up because she was top dog platinum bitch whatever whatever in 2003 already. But at the same time, she was on some premonitional shit, whipping up a crockpot of pop-cultural zeitgeist and setting the timer for 2020s era of accelerating societal neurosis. Ever been on the internet? Ever heard Justin Laboy or your 14 year old niece or your therapist drop a “Toxic” or twenty?  She literally coined the term. Not to say lots of good artists put their desires, longings, insecurities, possessiveness and flawed humanities on display… that’s kinda the point. But Britney gave us “Toxic” and for that I am grateful.

This is a story about toxic love, which we should all relate to, because it’s my belief we are all toxic. Which is just to say we are all flawed. Which is to say with a bit more nuance: we have conditioned often unhealthy patterns to receiving stress, or bad fuckin news, or things that make us feel less than we are or should be. We also have conditioned patterns to delivering affection, love and care that should probably come with a “side effects may include” warning. 

Here’s the twist, this love story is no romance. It’s an old coach, young player, bird taken under the wing, father-that-never was drama. Wrap it up however you want, there’s some male interiority to unpack here. Definitely parental vibes. This story is about Sacha, a bittersweet Croatian man with a stunning capacity for capriciousness, basketball, and fatherly showmanship. It’s about toxic love, strength, and the places we go when pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed.

When I moved to Germany, I had a low-tempo gig teaching English and not a lot of social obligations. Desperately wanting some semblance of normalcy, embeddedness and a sense of “I really live here” I sought out adult mens amateur basketball leagues. Thinking to myself that I would have a great chill fun fun time just hooping with the boys on Tuesday and Thursday nights I found myself shortly enrolled in the all-expenses-included version of intense, uniformed, sporting culture I had wriggled away from when I quit the Evanston Baseball Team my sophomore year of high school.  

The Ludwigshafen Flyers thought of themselves as a semipro team and had the local newspaper clippings, home and away jersey sets, and way-too-fuckin-intense attitude to prove it. In short, they were a group of non-too-talented 30 somethings happy to sandwich sweaty, bearish basketball runs between smoke sessions on the stoop of the elementary school gymnasium and 32-ounce cans of Carlsberg wegbiers. These would wash away unanimously the tastes of victory, defeat, tobacco and a long days work. Such a weird thing, male intimacy. Such a need for touch and taste and acerbic grit-drawn motivation tactics and banter about penises and wives and girlfriends.

This was not my scene. Perhaps to my father’s unconscious chagrin – we all know he wishes he’d busted my balls a little harder when I was a young thing – I came to Germany a reedy, nerdy intermittently effeminate recent liberal arts college grad.  Which maybe sounds harsher on myself than I intend to be, because I think, there are many sides of the toughness coin and many proving grounds of our humanities. But the point is: you can imagine how these men saw me and it didn’t matter how many threes I hit, ok maybe it did a little, but still, it didn’t matter because they didn’t offer me a beer after my first practice or my 5th and we all know what that meant.

Mirnes is the reason I even made it that far. The way I tell it, Mirnes decided the moment he laid eyes on me that he was going to be my Bosnian big brother. He would regale me with stories of Sarajevo and eagerly await my reaction when he related his year spent fixing air conditioners in Boston. Whatever protective instinct I triggered in him I thank God for it, because Mirnes had a beard and a killer crossover and the respect of the other guys and I had none of these precious things, but I had Mirnes so I had a reason to keep showing up.

 When coach Sacha told me after the first practice that “I play like a little girl”, I felt awful, but I had Mirnes.

When Michael, hissed out the German way: Me-shy-elle, put me in the hospital with a cruel elbow hook, I had Mirnes. When the older guys wouldn't offer a beer, Mirnes would slip me one. When Sacha would yank and tear and literally scratch with his fingers and metaphorically bite with his words during practice Mirnes would keep passing me the ball.   And so this became the dynamic. Sacha would bully and goad and Mirnes would encourage. 

And this weird thing happened: I started to push back. One day, midway through the season I hit a gamewinning layup with Sacha clinging to my waist in a desperate bind. The team was ecstatic, I was ecstatic, Sacha was ecstatic. With the look of a beaming father he slapped my ass. “If you play like this from day one you would be a starter!” 

~~~~

In hindsight I see the strange family we formed crisply contoured. Sacha played the dad, proud of his eldest, Mirnes, and disappointed by his younger boy’s precarity of spirit. He drew from a toolbox of blunter parental motivation tactics, instructing discipline, grit and persistence by giving me something to really complain about. Had Mirnes not balanced the sauce, Sacha’s ambivalence towards my possible failure would have bled over. 

I have encountered attitudes like Sacha��s in only one other place: the restaurant industry. Those days are behind me as well, but now I am watching “The Bear”, a show about this strange world. It demonstrates the power of a domineering, masculine, get-it-right and do-it-faster ethos in molding self-respect and proficiency.  It also shows the pitfalls. The ugly callousness, the self doubting perfectionism, the bullying in the name of love.

On the last day of the season Sacha pounds my chest. “Now, you play like a man”.  I twisted my face, sheepish towards pride like I hadn't felt before.

[lunar-years]

Some people think Nancy is popular and some people think Nancy is a nerd? Hmmmm.

In my head Nancy is academic-popular, which is very different from popular-popular. Like, she’s top of the honor roll every semester and she’s in Honor Society and she volunteers and she runs the newspaper and she takes only the advanced versions of every class. So the other smart kids are kind of jealous of her because she’s usually doing better than they are and could totally get in to an Ivy League college, and the more openly nerdy kids and band kids (such as Robin) don’t like her because she comes across as a priss and as someone who probably thinks she’s soooo superior to activities like band, which is pretty rich from someone who does the newspaper, and the weird and eccentric kids (such as Eddie) don’t like her for the same reasons, and besides, they think she’s just a goody-two-shoes, and everyone is at least a little intimidated by her. She’s pretty and she’s smart, so everyone knows who she is and people are largely friendly enough to her, but she isn’t close to anyone and has basically no real friends (after Barb).

Basically, she’s popular enough whereas other academic kids like Fred can say “you’re the most desired girl in Hawkins” and that can sort of be true, but if you asked say, Jason, star of the basketball team and an actually popular kid, if Nancy Wheeler was the most desired girl in school, he’d laugh in your face. There’s enough bleed through to where her dating King Steve was surprising but not so totally crazy, but it was very clear that while her proximity to Steve gave her an acceptable “in” to the more popular crowd, Barb was very much not invited in with her. Because that’s the other thing about Nancy, the people she associates with are weird. Barb, who is ‘uncool,’ then Steve after he’s fallen off his pedestal and is considered a bit of a loser, and finally Jonathan, the weird loner kid. None of these relationships exactly help to make Nancy an It Girl. Also, the “Nancy ‘the slut’ Wheeler” fiasco is so scandalous because it’s such a fall from grace from the “little miss perfect” image she was exuding up to that point. I’m sure her classmates ate that drama UP.

Obviously Nancy is completely a badass and is so much more complex than the persona she gives off, but I think the point is that very few people get to actually know who she really is. By season 3, it’s really only Jonathan? And that’s part of why her season 4 arc hits so well. Robin (and to a lesser extent Eddie) finally get to see her as her, and not just her within the warped social strata of a Midwest high school.

[letarasstuff]

Unbreakable Bond

(A/N): This is based on this post and this tiktok

Summary: A big age gap between Aaron's children doesn't have to mean that they are unable to form a strong bond

Warnings: Mentions of Haley's death and failed relationships

Wordcount: 1.8k

✨Masterlist✨

_________________________________

His life took turns Aaron never expected. It’s not the “Oh, mh, well that was unexpected”-type of turns, I talk about the “God played Cards Against Humanity with angels and decided to make it happen for someone”-type. But looking back he would not want to change a thing.

After Haley and Beth he was convinced that God, the Universe, something out there shared the opinion that romantic love isn’t the right thing for him and Aaron accepted that fact. Even more when he and Jack went into witness protection. I mean, when you are worried about the life of your family being in danger because of a stalker, you don’t think about the beautiful neighbor, who lives next door, right? Right?

Well, without going into too much detail, Hotch did think about her and she about him and vice versa. Everything went good until Aaron received the message that the team found the stalker and that it was safe to come back. He decided to come clean to his girlfriend. They talked about the possibility of moving back to Quantico.

In the end they decided in favor of the move, the final argument was the surprising announcement of her being pregnant. Hotch wants to raise their youngest where his and Jack’s roots are located. But he decides against taking a position at the BAU, instead taking a desk job in order to be more at home. He also has the opportunity to work from home after little (Y/N) was born and continues to do so until she is old enough to go to Kindergarten. Even then he takes two days the week where he stays home. Aaron learned from his decisions and mistakes he made in the past and wants to live up to them and be a better father and husband than before.

And Hotch keeps it to this day, six years later. It’s (Y/N)’s first day of school, while Jack just graduated high school and goes off to college in a few weeks. Even though they have an age gap from twelve and a half years, their parents are sure there are no other siblings with such a strong bond.

Ever since his baby sister’s birth Jack is her biggest supporter, protector and friend. Her first word was his name, though it was more of a “ACK!”, but that’s the best nickname he ever got. As soon as (Y/N) was old enough to comprehend the concept of movies, he introduced her to Star Wars. Since then lightsaber wars out of cardboard pipes are not uncommon. Last Halloween they even dressed up as Chewbakka and Han Solo. You get three guesses on who was who.

“JACK!” (Y/N) runs into her big brother’s room with an excited expression on her face. “Daddy promised to buy me a real lightsaber after I read ten books! With lights and sounds and all! Isn’t that cool?” Jack smiles. Aaron did a similar thing with him. For a certain amount of books he got a reward they discussed beforehand. This way he felt motivated to read and improved writing and reading skills.

“This is awesome. I think that means we have to go book shopping together, what do you think?” (Y/N) is not only the cool kid that has an older brother, she is also the cool kid, whose older brother has a drivers license, a car and a part time job. She nods with big eyes, speechless, because the offer sounds like heaven to her. Getting books and one on one time with Jack after he was really busy with school for weeks? This has to be heaven.

“Ok, then you put your outside clothes on and I’ll tell Dad about our plan.” At that the little girl rushes to her room, not wanting to waste any more time. Jack makes his way down to the kitchen, where Aaron wipes the table from lunch down.

“Dad, I take (Y/N) to this bookstore in DC and we’ll probably go eat ice cream after that. Is that alright?” Hotch looks up at his son. It still feels like yesterday as he told Haley that Gideon is a big no as a baby name. Now he is all grown up and just a few weeks away from the next big chapter in his life.

“Of course, just let me get my wall-” Jack cuts him off. “No need, I want to use this as a kind of goodbye thing. At least until Thanksgiving.” Aaron knows what he means. It’s his last day before he goes off to college and just a couple more until the first classes begin. The family still hasn’t told their youngest exactly what’s going on. Else she would refuse to go to school and go on with her day, insisting on using all the time they have until Jack drives off.

Two hours later the siblings leave the bookstore, both of them having a bag in their hands. Of course Jack's heavier, but both he and the cashier assured (Y/N) that they lift the same amount of weight.

“Uncle Spence will be excited when I tell him that I read Harry Potter, he told me so many good things about it”, the girl gushes. Jack nods, indicating that he is listening. Of course they also picked books that are not that advanced. Still, no sister of his shall grow up without knowing the beauty of the wizarding world. Also, secretly he is hoping for her to turn out as nerdy as he is so they get more things to talk about. His next step is superheroes, especially the Marvel ones.

They converse until they get to an ice cream parlor and order both their usuals. “Do you think you are ready for me to tell you something important?” The older one asks after they sit down at a table. (Y/N) nods, confusion taking over her face.

“Uhm, you know how I graduated from high school? I’m done with school, but I want to get a degree, but for that I have to go to college. It’s pretty far away so I can’t come home for a few months. But I’m back home when Thanksgiving is and also for Christmas.” It doesn’t matter what Jack says, a sad frown has formed on the little one’s face. “Oh. And after Christmas, will you leave again?” He nods and explains when he is off from college and when not.

“We can always skype and write letters. How does that sound? And when you get your first phone, we can even text.” That (Y/N) lights up a bit. For her first year of school she got a stationary set and is eager to use it to this day.

“I’m going to miss you so much”, she says hugging her big brother. Jack pats her back. “I’ll miss you, too.”

The goodbye the next day is a heartfelt matter. Everybody cries, especially (Y/N). She can’t fathom a scenario where her brother isn’t there for her all the time.

The following weeks are also hard for the family. The youngest refuses to sleep alone for the first three days after Jack’s leave. She is more closed off and mainly just does her school work or reads the books he bought for her. By the time Thanksgiving is only away for another two weeks, (Y/N) has read through all of them at least two times.

Her father already ordered the lightsaber he promised her. Unfortunately shipping takes several months, so the little girl still has to wait patiently for her reward to arrive. In the meantime she works on getting the next and she is already pretty close to the comic book collection she wants.

“Sweetheart, can you set the table, please? Your Mom will be here soon from grocery shopping and she will need help getting them from the car into the house”, Hotch calls for his daughter while stirring in a pot.

The little girl nods, putting her stationary set and pens aside to do as her father asked. She is in the middle of answering her brother’s last letter, telling him that she is now the one that usually has to read aloud for the class because of her advanced skill for a first grader.

Just as she sets the last piece of silverware down the doorbell rings. “Sweetie, can you please open it? This should be your mother.” Happily (Y/N) runs up and turns the door knob. Over the last few months she hit a small growing spurt and is finally tall enough to reach it without standing on her tippy toes.

“Mo-” She nearly chokes on her own saliva. The one at the door is definitely not her mother. “JACK!” (Y/N) runs up to him and jumps onto his leg. “Hey Princess. I thought now that you read your books, we need to hold the most amazing lightsaber fight in history.” With a mischievous smile he pulls two from his back, giving one to his baby sister.

It is the most epic fight in history between an elementary schooler and a college boy. They can only be stopped by their parents announcing that it is a tie between both of them and that they have to sit down, else the food gets cold.

The following weeks mostly consist of (Y/N)’s joyous laughs and cuddling with her big brother. She even insists on him sleeping with her in her much smaller bed. On his last night before going back to college, the little girl turns to him in the middle of watching her favorite movie in the living room.

“Do you promise not to forget me when you are away? Because I alway think about you and tell my friends so much about you. I told them you are a hero, my hero, just like Daddy. They wanna meet you because of that.” Jack has to hold back tears at her statement.

“I also think of you so much. All of my friends at college are pretty jealous of me having such a sweet baby sister. Maybe one time you can visit me and I can introduce you to them.” The thought of that makes (Y/N) smile and is a little consolation to the thought of her brother leaving again.

Aaron watches the interaction going down, happy to see the strong bond between his children, despite their age gap. This is nothing like he and Sean were and that is a relief for him and the worries he had in the beginning. It is a sign that he did do some things right as a father.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos @jswessie187

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962 @ellyhotchner

[incorrectsibunaquotes]

So i just binged Two is Company and House of Mistakes, and I really love your writing ☺️do you have any young Kira and Eddie sibling headcanons? I really love their dynamic. And how do you think Kira would fit into a world like House of Mistakes?

OH MY GOD 🥹 This is such a sweet ask! Thank you, Anon! And ahhh yes I do have sibling headcanons! Some of them are in the fic already because I like to flesh out important connections like that in stories, but I’ll list them here anyway along with other little headcanons (which I guess are canon in TIC because that whole fic is an AU/headcanon lol)

Kira is older, but the reason why she isn’t the Osirian instead of Eddie (beyond just the slightly sexist/cisnormative reasons) is because Osiris/the Osirian spirit sensed that Eddie would be willing to go to more extreme lengths to protect the Chosen One and the world than Kira would. Eddie’s philosophy is that he can and will save everyone, while his sister’s is try to keep everyone safe and secure (but take care of your own before anyone else)— not conducive to being an Osirian, but good to have on your team anyway.

They were both pretty nerdy in elementary/middle school. Not enough to get bullied, but neither of them were by any means cool. They were also two awkward queer kids who decided to be out in high school at the same time, which made them even less cool (don’t forget they started high school in 2009).

However, the by the seventh grade and into the first two years of high school, Eddie made drastic efforts to improve his image and come off as a cool kid. He was definitely into edgy stuff and also had a lot of misdirected rage and abandonment issues, but a lot of the bad boy persona was a front. Kira disapproved heartily and that’s when the “dickhead” nickname came to fruition.

They always put on a small cabaret style show for their mom’s birthday. She always loved it.

They constantly talk shit to each other in French.

Eddie had so many night terrors before coming to Anubis that there were some nights that Kira would just sleep on the floor in his room so she could talk him down. It’s only after she realizes that there’s more to her brother than meets the eye that they’re able to come to the conclusion that those night terrors were visions. But because the Osirian was dormant within him, they weren’t controlled well and terrifying visions of the future would just run wild in his subconscious.

Eddie always resented Kira for being the more beloved and put together child. This was especially heightened when they were reconnecting with Mr. Sweet.

Kira always resented Eddie for not coping better, and she’s unaware of just how much she unconsciously blames him for their father leaving them. It becomes more conscious when she discovers that Eric left because of Eddie being the Osirian.

Eddie once peed himself at the Big Apple Circus because he drank an extra large soda really fast, and Kira continues to hold it over his head. This is her favorite piece of blackmail.

Alternatively, Eddie’s favorite piece of blackmail on Kira is the picture of the one time she tried to cut her own bangs. The threat of mutual destruction is key.

Their mom worked almost all the time, so they had to fend for themselves a lot. They raised each other.

Kira takes great pride in being from New Jersey, while Eddie always tried to pretend he’s a New Yorker. She thinks it’s ridiculous, but he insists that New York is the coolest place ever.

Idk if those were the types of things you were looking for. I could have kept going but I had to stop myself lol. And as for the second part of your question, I think Kira would be horrified by the events of HOM. With that in mind, I do think she’d get herself captured as a Sinner— especially since Mr. Sweet is also evil. That would leave Fabian or Alfie left to save the day with the girls! But yeah, Kira would not fare too well in that particular AU. Angst central just thinking about it!

Thank you again for the ask, Anon! This made me smile. ❤️

[ragingbookdragon]

Hi, this is a continuation of this fic. Enjoy!

**********************************************************************

Of all the bad decisions she’d ever made, this was probably the worst, and all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and ride out every emotion that was coming onto her like a maelstrom. Every bad date, every failed notion of love just kept washing over her, but this one seemed like the nail in the coffin. She drove aimlessly for hours before she realized it was seven o’clock; a quick stop at her apartment and she fed her cat, also wiping the makeup and tear tracks off her skin before she wandered on foot with the direction of anywhere and nowhere.

***

Collapsing onto one of the benches that sat at the pier of Gotham Bay, she sighed heavily and gazed out at the water. It was calm compared to the storm inside and she propped her elbow on the railing, fist against her cheek, sighing again.

There was no way she could go to work and act like everything was okay. Kelly-Anne was going to drill her all about her “date” and she didn’t even go on one. She groaned. I never should’ve told her that I was going to ask Jason out. That’s going to be more embarrassing than being rejected by him. Another groan escaped her and she bent forward, burying her face in the floral dress pattern. I even wore a stupid dress and heels. Going slack, she let her feelings wash over her.

Something grabbed her shoulder. “Hey.”

“AHHHHH!” She yanked away, shooting up to see one of the masked vigilantes of Gotham city before her.

“Woah, woah!” they calmed, hands outstretched nonthreateningly. “I’m not gonna hurt you!”

She pressed a hand to her chest and let out a sigh of relief, reclining on the bench as she heaved, “Oh my God, I thought—I don’t know what I thought you were.” A flighty laugh passed her lips. “You scared the hell out of me, Nightwing.”

He smiled and laughed. “Sorry. I saw you over here and thought I was going to find a new reason to call GCPD.”

“No, no,” she affirmed. “Just…dealing with things.”

Taking a seat beside her, he crossed his ankles and leant back on the bench. “By groaning beside Gotham Bay at nine o’clock?”

She shot him a heatless glare. “It was that or drown myself in cheap wine and Lewis Capaldi.”

He seemed to know what she was talking about, surmising, “Heartache?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” she muttered, lolling her head back on the bench, trying to ignore his steady gaze.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“(Y/N). (Y/N) (L/N).” She grinned. “What’s yours?”

Nightwing chuckled. “Afraid I can’t give that out or I’ll be in with the Big-Bat.” She giggled and he followed with, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

(Y/N) pursed her lips and shook her head. “Nah…you’ve got better things to do than help a girl nurse a broken heart.”

“Sometimes the better thing to do is talk with someone.” When she met his eyes, he smiled wholeheartedly. “Try me. I’m a good listener.”

Something ached in her chest and after a moment of staring at him, she swallowed thickly and sighed. “There’s this guy I’ve been friends with for a few months now. And he’s really kind and intelligent and super good looking and I—” she shrugged. “I fell in love with him. I mean, it was hard not too with how amazing of a man he is.”

Nightwing nodded. “What’s his name?”

“Jason Todd,” she said, and she couldn’t help the smile that came across her lips. “One of the first times we were hanging out, I told him that his first name meant healer in Greek…but he didn’t seem too keen on that definition.”

“How come?” he inquired, and she shrugged again.

“I don’t really know…Jason’s never been all that open about his past.” (Y/N) looked at him. “I think some bad things happened to him when he was younger and he just…doesn’t let people in easily.” She managed a smile. “I feel like all the times he did tell me about his life, it made me feel special, you know? Knowing he trusted me enough to tell me.”

“You really seem to love him,” Nightwing noted and she couldn’t help the tears that gathered in her eyes.

“I do…Jason’s the first guy that’s ever seen me for me.” (Y/N) pursed her lips. “I’m weird. I work in a library and books are my life and I can talk your ear off about how Raymond Carver single handedly saved the short story genre.” she sighed. “And I’ve always been the nerdy girl in the friend groups who watched everyone else fall in love while she pined from a distance.” She huffed a pitiful laugh that made even his heart tighten. “I mean, I even went to prom alone.”

Her eyes found his. “But Jason made me feel special. He listened and didn’t get upset when I apologized for talking so much. He just smiled and asked me to keep going.” (Y/N) wiped at her eyes. “I thought that we were getting closer, but God I saw all the signs of him being a good friend as romantic.” She groaned and buried her face in her hands. “And it’s so embarrassing to admit that I’m so starved of love that I saw them as loving gestures.” Another groan escaped her. “And then I asked him out today and got rejected.”

He blinked in shock, wondering why his brother would let this girl go. Obviously, they were perfect for each other. He didn’t tell her that though, instead asking, “What happened?”

(Y/N) moaned. “I showed up at his house with flowers and a book he’d been talking about.” She smushed her cheeks and glared out at the water. “And he was really nice about letting me down easy and I wish I could be upset about that, but I can’t because he was respectful.”

She sat back up on the bench and they both gazed at the stars. “Please tell me that even cute superheroes like you have romantic problems.”

Nightwing chuckled and nodded. “Oh, you’d be totally surprised.”

“Yeah?” (Y/N) giggled and he hummed.

“Two of my exes are superheroines and they’re really good friends.”

She blinked at him. “Okay, yeah, you win, Nightwing.”

He chuckled and turned his neck, falling silent a moment to gaze at her. “…It does get better, (Y/N).”

Her lips pursed. “I know…I just have to wait it out.” She stared into his eyes. “But I don’t think anyone will ever be as great as Jason is.” Her eyes fell to the water and she sighed, “Is it too much to ask though…that I find someone to hold my hand and love me?”

Nightwing took her hand and laced their fingers. “I can’t do the second thing, but I can do the first for a while…if you want?”

(Y/N)’s eyes watered, and she squeezed his hand. “Yeah…I’d like that.” She propped her head on his shoulder, feeling his cheek press against the top of her head.

“Tell me what your favorite poem is, (Y/N).”

“I’ll bore you to death, Nightwing. And I apologize…a lot.”

“Someone tell you that no one cares when you were younger?”

“More than I’m comfortable admitting,” she sniffed. “From a lot of people I respected too.”

Nightwing hummed. “Well…I’m not them. And I care about what your favorite poem is.” He thumbed the back of her hand. “Please tell me.”

She sighed heavily and murmured, “I will hold you with harbor arms. The lighthouse finding a ship against the lonely sea. A shelter as your legs give out under torrential rain. What I’m trying to tell you is, you are safe here.”

He was silent for a minute, then he whispered, “That’s beautiful, (Y/N).”

“I think about it a lot…about it and Jason,” she replied quietly. “I think he’s afraid of love—of loving someone. I’d give anything to let him know that I’m not afraid of whatever skeletons he’s got in his closet…that…that I’m not afraid of him or what he’s afraid he is.”

Tears gathered in her eyes and she turned her head, quietly sobbing into his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she cried. “I shouldn’t be—I shouldn’t—”

“Shhh,” he whispered, pulling his hand away from hers to curl around her shoulders, giving her a hug. “Let it out. I’m not here to judge you.” He wrapped his other arm around her, resting his chin on her head. “Let it all go, (Y/N).”

And she did. Every rejection throughout her life, from elementary school to high school to every college bar, she let out. Every “You’re not my type” and “I don’t date X girls” she let go of with every heart wrenching sob that tore her throat.

***

She didn’t know how long she cried, but when she was gone, Nightwing’s shoulder was completely soaked and (Y/N) had a raging headache to go with her heartache.

“Feel better?” he questioned when her sobs had subsided into sniffles every minute or two.

“Yeah,” she whispered. “A lot.”

Nightwing smiled. “Sometimes a good cry is all we need.”

“Mhm,” she agreed. “It’s cathartic.”

“Alright, Aristotle,” he chuckled and to her surprise, she found herself laughing. “And there’s the smile!” he cheered, letting her pull away to wipe her face.

“Sorry for boohooing on your shoulder,” (Y/N) apologized and he merely shook his head.

“Nah, don’t mention it.” He brushed off. “I hope someone like you would do the same for me if I needed it.”

She giggled. “Then we’ll meet here when we need good cries, huh, Nightwing?”

He held out his hand, watching her shake it. “Sounds like a good plan, (Y/N).” A siren went off in the distance and his face shifted instantaneously as he rose to his feet. “Rain check on the cry days.”

(Y/N) waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, go save the city.” As he started off, she called out, “Nightwing!”

He spun just for a moment. “Yeah?”

“Thank you,” she smiled.

“Anytime, (Y/N),” he winked and turned, sprinting off.

“Be careful!” she yelled and laughed when he waved a hand in the distance.

[morethanaprincess-a]

I know this is quite a bit of time after I posted this meme, but I wanted to respond to all of the kind comments I received on the positivity meme when I really needed some last week! So I thought I’d save it for a Munday post, complete with pet tax beneath the cut. Mundays are better with pet tax, right?

@electricea

Thank you so much for your compliments, Jassi! I adore writing with you too, it’s so much fun coming up with new AUs for Ryuji and Sonia (and expanding on our established verses as well). You’re such a positive and encouraging person in the tumblr RPC and I’m pretty sure your dash agrees. Here’s to more IC adventures and me sending you ramen related news and saying “we’re working this into a thread, right? Right??”

Does Ryuji have the ramen pool float/raft already? Because that needs to happen.

@cadcnce

So uh, on a scale of 1-10 how mad will you be if I get a draft back to Eira by mid-week? To be fair, it’s not the same day please don’t point that gun at me

Joking (about what will likely happen on my dash) aside, I love writing with you and your many muses too! Bonus that we have plenty in common too, including being Old Muns with Old Mun Problems. Like roleplaying before tumblr and the fact that pogs are a bottle/milk cap game (I think I had close to 100 of them as an elementary school student, before I said I wanted beanie babies instead).

In short, I have so much fun both writing IC and just chatting about fandom and life OOC. Though the more I keep looking at Las Vegas-related things for RP research I’m just “Well, now I want to go and not gamble at all but do everything else.”

But I’ll finish with this: I do try to put my happiness first, and for me that’s when I’m writing every day and have a consistently-running queue. This is partly due to how organized I am about my work and my hobbies, and partly due to content creation and social media being a large part of my professional life. It’s not that tumblr RP is work, it’s that I can’t help but approach it, in a way, in a professional sense, taking in algorithms, patterns, activity, etc. into consideration. I look at a variety of statistics tumblr provides on my blog and often make judgement calls about content I post here that way.

It’s super nerdy and I know it. I also just can’t help it because it’s ingrained in me at this point: content planning, creation, calendars, analytics, etc. Pain for me is disorganization, a queue that isn’t updated, or answering asks/taking on more threads when I have replies I could write. 

@despairfiles​

Excuse me, every hour is Sin loving hours! Thank you so much for your encouraging feedback. You’re absolutely right: I’m definitely someone who likes to develop complex, long-term interactions over a variety of interesting situations. I know that can be frustrating sometimes with queued replies and wall-of-text replies, but it really is fun for me to show so much of a scene: the setting, the dialogue, the action, the thoughts and feelings. I tend to come up with most of my headcanons through threads at this point, too.

And I’m always going to say ‘challenge accepted’ when it comes to writing new stuff with Hajime and Shirou. If you feel compelled to bring Hajime back at some point I’m always here to write with you, and there’s so much story to tell with Sonia and Shirou too. I actually have a plot idea development for one of our verses on that front, I just haven’t put it into words yet!

Oh, and of course: Chatting OOC with you is one of the best parts of my day! Politics, spilling tea, me bemoaning that England lost Euro 2020 (the rest of the world doesn’t agree with me and I know it), you sharing your adorable dogs and wine sodas (I’m going to find the wine soda here. Somewhere.), agreeing that Lord El-Melloi II is a SNACC even if the fandom doesn’t agree with us, I adore it all. 

Seriously though I love him he is A++++ husbando material. This is where Sonia and I differ: she loves Shirou and I’m here just “He’s a professor who barely adults and realizes it is, indeed, a crisis when your favorite tearoom is closed. Husband material right here.”

@phantasmalcalamity​

Thank you so, so much for your compliments regarding my Sonia portrayal! That’s really nice of you! I’m not sure that my version is perfect by any means as plenty of people offer different takes on her, but I’m so glad you enjoy writing with her! Our Sonia/Gundham threads have been such a joy to write so far and I hope to continue and do more of them (without adding too much to your plate of course. I’m hoping you start feeling better, first and foremost!). You’re also wonderful to chat with OOC and I love seeing your costumes when you share them. It’s so cool having RP partners who are also cosplayers because you understand that unique struggle of “do I write drafts or do I work on costumes for upcoming con/event?”

I’m trying to balance both but it’s been interesting. Definitely after the fall cons/events I should have some more photoshoot stuff to share. I miss cons and photoshoots so much!

And as promised, some pet/life photo tax underneath the cut!

One of the two usual views I have when writing drafts/shitposting/chatting with you all on discord. Princess Molly received a new bed recently, befitting her royal status. She’s judging the quality of my drafts and wondering when she will be given pets.

And the other view I usually have while on tumblr. I’m missing Paris (and London. And Edinburgh. Let’s just put missing the U.K. and France in general here) quite a lot. I don’t know when I’ll get a chance to go back (probably whenever I go on my honeymoon), so I’m having a small taste of it at home. My family’s going next month, but work wouldn’t give me the time off to join them. 

The Laduree Marie Antoinette tea is my favorite version of the MA tea, and with shipping so expensive, it made sense to grab some macarons to go with it. 

I just miss Europe so much right now. Most of my off-tumblr friends are trying to plan trips to Japan next year, and I’m over here just “I actually miss Heathrow and Charles de Gaulle.”

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Princess Jellyfish Headcanons

If you were to ask me the most underrated anime that I had ever seen in my seven years of loving the artform, I would tell you that it was Princess Jellyfish. It’s only eleven episodes long but it’s so worth your time and energy. The story is so moving and emotionally engaging for me. I could watch these characters interact off of each other forever. They make me laugh, cry and just all around make my heart happy. I’ve wanted to make headcanons for these fabulous characters for a very long time even though I know it’s not a popular show with very little fan following. 

Tsukimi: 

*I’m going to have only one mental health headcanon this time because I think that this show has a more neurotypical cast. I feel Tsukimi most definitely would have aspergers just like me!! She’s super into obscure nerdy things, is hella antisocial, could ramble about the different types of jellyfish but if you ask her to go and get something from the convenience store she would WAY rather just stay at home and not be around people. 

*Her first birthday party during elementary school was definitely themed to jellyfish and it was just her and her family at the aquarium. She invited her entire class and nobody showed up. It was the first time that she had ever felt like an outsider amongst the other children in her class. 

*At first she thought that she was asexual. She had never really been interested in sex before but that was before she met Kuranosuke. Then she became demisexual and wears the flag with pride. It was one of the first non-jellyfish related things to go up in her bedroom at Amazukan. 

*Even after getting together with Kuranosuke she never really gets over her feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. How she worked through these problems was Kuranosuke would make it a rule to stand her in front of a mirror and say all the things that he loved about her until she believed him eventually. 

*The first time that she had ever drawn a jellyfish was when she was four years old. It was really bad but her mother still has it framed in her childhood home. 

 *She loves Disney movies, her favorite one is The Little Mermaid of course. She would often fantasize when she had feelings for Shu that he was her prince Eric. She used to dream about being a Disney animator but she couldn’t go across the ocean for a job opportunity that she might never get. 

*The first time that she was ever able to actually look Kuranosuke in the eyes without his female clothes on was the first time she ever really noticed how beautiful he was. It was enough to make her realize that he was worth fighting for. That her feelings for Shuu weren’t ever going to amount to anything compared to her feelings for him. 

Kuranosuke: 

*The first time he ever tried on a dress changed everything for him. He finally felt comfortable and confident in himself. He fell in love with women’s fashion in that moment and it eventually inspired him to never be shy about who he was. 

*His first ever time trying on makeup was of course an utter disaster. It got everywhere and the only way to explain it was that he looked very much like a badly made up Cirque Du Soleil clown. His mother just laughed at him and showed him the proper way of doing eyeliner, masquera, blush and lipstick to not look uproariously ridiculous. 

*When his mother left him at his dad’s house he spent everyday sitting by the window waiting for her familiar car to show up and take him back home. He never gave up on her and he just wanted to see her closet again but more importantly he missed her. His dad was cold and indifferent towards him and he missed the warmth that his mother offered him. 

*He took a lot of musical theater back in high school due to his good looks. It was also where he learned to perfect his makeup. He can actually sing extremely well. He loves singing and it became something that he fell in love with doing. 

*His favorite kind of dates eventually become the at home dates when he can just be himself around Tsukimi. After he gets over being flustered as hell around her he becomes the prime cuddler. Both of these poor people are so touch starved that it eventually becomes how they relax after long days of designing clothes. 

*He absolutely will watch trash reality television to laugh at people’s ridiculous lives of the rich and “fabulous”. He never takes them seriously but you will definitely catch him on a cheat day with a bucket of ice cream watching The Kardashians, Tsukimi is his witness it happens more often than he’d like to admit.  

*After everything happened with Shu things got a lot better between the two siblings. When he was younger the older boy was firmly indifferent to his existence he was just somebody that lived in the same house as him, the son of another woman. In Shuu’s opinion, Kuranosuke shouldn’t have even been there. But, once Kuranosuke meets Tsukimi Shu started to see the side of his brother that not a lot of people do. The kind, caring, a little bit of a jokester, chaotic and all around amazing person that he is. 

This is shorter because I only have two favorite characters in this show (if we don’t count the crazy uncle.) I have yet to read the manga but I know how it ends and that is one of the next things on my list of things to do after I finish all of the Earthsea novels. 

[love-fireflysong]

Day 11: Surprise

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Josh Washington, Chris Hartley, Ashley Brown Words: 1762 Rating: General Author’s Notes: Until Dawn Babies Part 2: Electric Boogaloo! AKA, the logical sequel to what happened in Meeting. 

When Chris left his house to go and meet Josh at their usual place, he hadn’t quite been expecting the sight before him. Which was saying something. After having known and been best friends with Josh for nearly five years now, he now knew that almost anything was on the table when it came to dealing with Josh Washington. Hell, this was the boy that when they were in Elementary School, showed up for Spirit Week wearing a disgustingly realistic fully body morph suit of the body’s inner muscles and organs for Inside Out Day. He could have been wearing one of Hannah’s dresses and Chris probably would have just complimented him on how the color brought out his eyes.

That being said, the red-haired girl sitting next to Josh in their booth was a complete surprise. Despite the bright smile on his face, he looked like he had trapped her there against her will by the way she was slouching in the seat, almost like she was trying to slowly escape by melting underneath the table. And honestly, Chris couldn’t really blame her. He liked the guy well enough, they were best friends after all, but Josh was a lot to handle for the uninitiated. Which, judging by the fact that he had never seen her in his life, she definitely was.

He cleaned his glasses on his shirt just to make sure that he wasn’t imagining her, but nope, she was still there when he put them back on.

“Chris! There you are, man! Get you’re nerdy little butt over here!”

Carefully maneuvering between customers carrying trays of burgers and ice cream, Chris made his way to their usual corner table and sat down across from Josh and the mysterious red head. 

“Heeeeey?” Chris greeted the two of them more then a little bit confused. The girl gave a little wave of her hand in greeting, just as unsure about what was happening as he was. Which was not boding well, all things considered.

If Josh took any notice of this, he ignored it. “Good to see that you finally got released for good behavior. Do you have to report to your patrol officer after this or are you free for the rest of the day?”  

Chris rolled his eyes. “You make it sound like I was just in prison. I was just grounded dude, no thanks to you.”

“It wasn’t my idea to prank Zimmerman.”

“It totally was, Josh.”

“Yeah, well, wasn’t my idea to do it with ding-dong-ditch.”

“Nope, that was all you too.”

For some reason, this made the girl sit up straighter in her seat with a sigh. “Oh, so this is the accomplice then.”

Chris looked across the table at the two them, still in the dark about what the hell was going on, even though the red head seemed to have figured it out. “Who is still very confused as to who you are supposed to be.”

To his surprise, Josh looked awfully eager to introduce them, now leaning over the table with a smile almost wider then he had ever seen it before. “Oh man, you are not going to believe this! So I met her at the library—”

“What the hell were you doing there?!”

“Not important. Anyways—”

“Nope. Not dropping this. You hate the library. I have never once seen you step foot into it voluntarily.”

Josh groaned dramatically, as though put out that he had to stop his story to explain something so inconsequential. “Hannah wanted to go look a book about butterflies. Which meant Beth wanted to go. Which meant I had to go because while you were serving hard time, I was playing the perpetual baby-sitter.” 

“Why are you intent on making it sound like I was in prison?”

“Cause I have to make you sound way more cool and badass than you actually are. Can I please continue with my story now?” He paused for a second, and it was literally a second, giving neither Chris nor the girl any chance to respond. “Thank you. Anyway, we’ve been hanging out since then while I waited for your release.”

“Wait.” Chris was still very confused. And also kinda hurt as he pointed at himself. “So you replaced me? With her? With Library Girl?” 

“I do have a name you know.”

“Not now, Library Girl,” Chris said as he looked at Josh in complete affront. “What the hell, dude? I was grounded for literally a week and you already replaced me? Wow, I thought we had something special, but I guess not.”

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, dude. I’ve only been meeting up with her at the library for, like, the past three days now.”

If Chris had been able to, he probably would have wrapped Josh up in his arms to protect him from Library Girl, as he now called her. As it was, it was too busy in the diner to do anything but just stare at her in shock and horror. “What did you do to him? What did you do to my best friend?! You-you... Library Girl!”

If he had been expecting any response, it definitely wasn’t the one he got. She just rolled her eyes and he caught the first smile starting to peek at the corners of her mouth. “Oh yeah, you two are definitely made for each other. I can see that now.”

Before this could get any further out of his control, Josh interrupted whatever routine the two of them had started. “Oh good. Nice to see you two get along famously already. Chris, this is Ash—”

“Ashley.”

“—and she’s our new best friend.”

There was an awkward moment of silence where Chris and Library Girl—sorry, Ash—fully took in Josh’s words. The silence between the three of them filled with the sounds of the diner in motion. The white noise of chatter as diner goers ate and gossiped around them. The crumple of wrappers, spoons clattering against glass, the bustle from the kitchen as patties were flipped and seared and the rumble of the soft serve machine as ice cream was dispensed to a family of four.

Finally, Chris was able to speak. “I don’t-I don’t think that’s really how friends work, Josh.”

“I mean, don’t I get any say in this? Maybe I don’t want to be friends with your stupid butts.”

He turned to Ashley affronted. “Excuse you, but my stupid butt is very nice actually and I don’t appreciate you insulting it like that.” Once again, he caught the peek of a smile forming, this time a little larger then the one before and he was able to catch a glimmer of braces on her teeth.

He was distracted by Josh groaning dramatically. “You don’t understand! I had just met her and had only been talking for like two minutes when she proceeded to just drag my goddamn ass.” He put a hand over his heart and fall back into the old red-brown vinyl seating of the booth, sighing like some sort of lovesick teenager. “Oh you should have seen it, it was glorious.”

Chris eyed Ash, taking in her scraggly red hair, braces, smattering of freckles across her face and arms, and how she was actually a full foot shorter then either him or Josh. She looked like a strong breeze could have blown her away. “I somehow really doubt that.”

Ash bristled in her seat, sitting up straighter as she level him with a glare that he had a feeling would have turned him to ash if it could’ve. Alright, he could admit that the dragging was looking more and more likely. She was looking ready to drag his ass now, physically to boot. 

“No no no no. It was amazing. Here, we’ll reenact it for you!”

Ash stopped glaring at him to turn flabbergasted to Josh. “Wait, what? We are not reenacting that!”

“Too late, Ash!”

“It’s Ashley, not Ash. How many times do I have to tell you?”

Chris rolled his eyes and sighed in the long-suffering way of someone who’s had to deal with this shit for most of his life. Which he definitely had. “Just give it up. Now that he’s started there’s no way he will ever stop. You are no longer Ashley, but Ash. You must accept your new place in the cosmos.”

The smile on her face was much wider now, showing off her braces in their full glory as she gave a small laugh. “Had to deal with him for a while have you.”

He shrugged, lopsided smile showing off his own matching braces while he straightened his glasses. “Close to five years now. I’d say you get used to it, but you never really do.”

“I told her that she didn’t know me nearly well enough to be dissing me, and she said—” it seemed that Josh still hadn’t abandoned hope of retelling the moment where she had apparently just destroyed him. He gestured to Ash to continue, gesture becoming only more frantic as she refused to do so out of principle. And honestly? Chris could respect the hell out of her for that alone.

Finally, she rolled her eyes and looked to the tiled ceiling of the diner with her arms up in a ‘what did I do to deserve this’ gesture. “I said that you were an  annoying, egotistical, conceited, full of himself, cocky prankster who loves the sound of his own voice.”

There was a second where Josh seemed to reabsorb the words, his face not really falling, but doing something as Chris tried really,really hard not to laugh and just stared in awe at her. 

“I feel like there were more words there then before.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve known you longer now.”

That was it. The dam burst as Chris all but collapsed on top of the table, body shaking with laughter. “Oh man. Yeah, we are definitely keeping you!” Ash seemed to be in some sort reluctant agreement as she smiled and shook her own shoulders in barely repressed laughter as Josh continued to stare agog a the two of them. Soon enough though, all three of them were clutching at the table and wheezing in shared laughter as some of the nearby patrons at other tables looked at them in annoyance for disturbing their meals.

Finally, after all the laughter subsided and Chris was able to speak, he wiped a tear from under his eye and reached for his wallet. “What to you want to eat, Ash? My treat.”

[moviegroovies]

oh god after last time i really did think i was done but i must have unlocked some new level of hell because here we go, here we go, lost boys hcs PART 3!!!!

so ummmmm michael... is sort of dumb. 

like, ok, specifically??? i think he’s got a higher than average emotional intelligence, but he’s just one of those kids who’s bad at school. there’s some hints of this in the movie: when michael is telling sam that he can’t tell lucy about the vampirism thing, sam’s line is that it’s “not like getting a D in school, mike!”, implying that hiding that kind of thing is something the two of them have been over before, and a deleted subplot has him repeatedly insisting to lucy that he’s going to drop out of school to get a job and help her pay for things.

tbh i think he’s got that classic “child of divorce” thing going on. he feels like a burden on sparse resources and can’t stand the thought of wasting his days in school, where he doesn’t even want to be. he wants to help his mom! he gets a job for he so he can do that! what a good, sweet boy!!!

hmmm. dyslexic michael, anyone? like, i was going to say that he was particularly vexed by math & science, but the more i think about it, the more i’m leaning toward him maybe just being disinterested in those subjects, even though they’re the ones he’s better at, while english and history (but particularly english) really piss him off because studying takes so goddamn long.

so he gets like, C+/B- in math and science, consistent C- in history, and wavers C- to D+ or even lower in english. 

he’s so polite to his teachers that they help him when they can though, especially because they know he’s trying so hard, but he’s just not entirely gifted at this sort of stuff. 

the worst is when he has to keep his grades up to stay eligible for sports--that pressure just makes everything seem so much worse.

i think michael plays some of everything. he’s like, some kind of guard on the football team, not particularly their star player or anything, but i think he’s also got a starter position on the basketball team, and he is the star pitcher on the baseball team. 

physical stuff just comes easier to him than academic stuff, you know?

his high school girlfriend was a cheerleader, but they weren’t that serious. she was a kind of preppy girl, a little vapid, and it felt to michael like they only really dated because they were supposed to. breaking up with her kind of led to michael’s attraction to star; he saw her on the boardwalk and she looked like she dressed for herself and she was outwardly enjoying her time at the concert--plus, you know, she’s really pretty.

he hates to admit it, but michael’s favorite classes in school were the home ec classes that his guidance counselor suggested he take. he took shop first, which was okay, but really, what he liked to do the most was the cooking and sewing shit. when he joins the lost boys, he kind of “takes over” these roles from star (who had been pressured into acting the mother for all these assholes who could be her great grandfathers, easily), and it turns out that he’s a lot better at that stuff than she is. 

guess he was always kind of training to be david’s bitch after all.

the guys stop ribbing on him once he shows them how he can fix their clothes and shit, though. goddamn assholes.

michael’s main circle of friends in highschool was made up of other jocks, and like with his girlfriend, they weren’t super close. he often got excluded from stuff because he would insist he couldn’t do something or other on account of his mom needing him home that night, or he would get pissed at them for making fun of sam. 

michael said family comes first, fuckers!

he did drink and smoke and shit like that back in phoenix when he knew he wouldn’t be missed at home, though. he’s not a goody two shoes, really, he just didn’t want to make things harder than they were for his mom. 

one day he did come home drunk, and he’ll never forget how upset lucy looked. he still doesn’t feel like he’s made that up to her. ouch.

one of the guys michael hung out with, probably the closest michael had to a “best friend” was a dude named declan who he’d known since elementary school. declan as the only one of the jock guys who didn’t really hold it against him when he’d skip out on stuff, and the only one he ever even thought about telling the divorce shit to, although in the end, he chickened out of actually doing it. 

like i said, they weren’t best friends or anything, but they could have been, y’know?

one of the less nice dudes in his group (probs one michael got in fights with often) started dating michael’s girlfriend about a week after he moved. michael wasn’t really pissed by the time he found out about that; he had way bigger problems to worry about by then.

there was a guy that michael saw around who was kind of a beatnik loner outcast and almost definitely a fag. he liked shakespeare and oscar wilde and probably drew pretty things in the margins of his notebook, and the guys that michael hung out with trashed on him pretty much constantly. michael himself, however, had kind of a thing for the guy: he thought he was cool and would ask when he could to see what he was working on.

you know how michael acted around star at the very beginning of their association? that’s pretty much how he was around this dude. local bi disaster is bi.

the guy (i was going to say fuck it and name him after the guy who i’m sort of basing him on from peggy sue got married, but guess what my fucking luck is, that dude’s name is michael. jfc. let’s call him charlie) thought michael was just there to make fun of him like the others did, but he eventually, he might have come around to trusting that mike really was just interested in his art. 

maybe they made out or something before charlie eventually pushed back against him because he didn’t want to get fucking murdered by michael’s friends for making him queer if they got caught 

michael always felt like he should have pushed harder to have some sort of relationship with charlie, but once he moves to santa carla, there’s no use in thinking about it anymore.

unlike michael, sam did have a close circle of friends at school, even though he wasn’t as classically “popular” as his brother. 

it was probs this reason that made him take the move a lot harder than his brother did.

sam, also unlike michael, was/is really good at school. he’s super skilled at memorizing dates & facts (just look at him rattle off semi-obscure superman trivia lol), and pretty talented at writing to boot. he doesn’t like math as much, but if he works at it, it comes to him pretty quickly. 

gifted kid perks™

being that everything came easy to sam, and that he didn’t do any sports like michael did, he had a lot of downtime to read books and comics, keep up w/ pop culture, and hang out with his nerdy friends who liked to do the same. he was even in a d&d group

his character was an elf rogue.

it’s about gay rights

re: sports, it’s not that sam couldn’t be athletic, just that he didn’t ever really want to be. he used to do little league to be like michael and as a concession to his father, but really, he was always put in the outfield, and at the end of the day he would just rather read or watch tv than stand out in the hot sun playing this game he didn’t care about.

when they were little, michael trained himself to get better at reading so that he could read stuff to sam when their parents were fighting or their mom was away. he remembered how his parents (in better times) had read to him, and he knew it made sam feel better, so he put aside his difficulties and discomfort to read to his brother before bed.

the easiest things to read for him were comic books (he had some batmans and supermans and even a few wonder womans, although it wasn’t all superhero stuff. he also had richie rich and, of course, archies), which kind of sparked sam’s love for them--they were something he shared with his brother. <3

i’m thinking sam’s nerd club was the prototypical “mostly boys who never talked to a girl in their lives” type thing, but at the same time i’d like to imagine that at least one of them had a pretty brash (and nerdy) sister who pushed her way into the club, winning their respect by doing what sam did to frog brothers, only with star wars lore.

also, i’m kind of picturing a shy girl from their school who sam takes under his wing when she’s getting bullied, only to find out that she’s really into that stuff too.

she’s part of their d&d campaign; she plays a badass orc barbarian woman and consistently has the best luck with the dice. 

the girl is almost definitely a lesbian, but sam asks her to homecoming and stuff like that so that they’ll both have dates; they’re basically each other’s beards. 

Gay Rights.

one of the only ways michael could ever really relate to his dad was when they played baseball and the dad taught him Sports™ things, so sam not being at all interested in that stuff made him kind of a disappointment. even still (or maybe for that reason), michael was always the mama’s boy, while sam spent a long time desperate for his dad’s approval.

maybe bc michael and lucy tried really hard to protect him from just how shitty their dad really was, to be honest.

speaking of michael and sam’s dad, i’ve been doing a lot of thinking about him, and now i’ve got Opinions. 

contrary to what i guess is the general fandom consensus (at least from what i’ve seen? but my scope might not be that big regarding this character, so if i’m wrong, i’m wrong lol) regarding the dad, i can’t see him being particularly abusive physically. 

however, given how sweet and agreeable lucy is, i get a sense that there must have been something REALLY insurmountable in their relationship to make her decide that divorce was the only option. the way i see it, michael and sam’s father started as one of those anti-establishment punks who eventually grew up and just... snapped back the other way entirely to end up as the establishment himself. 

main justification for this is that scene w/ michael and star; he doesn’t just refer to his mother being an ex-hippie, he refers to his folks. plus, i mean, there must have been something about the man that endeared him to lucy, right?

so, over the course of their marriage, the guy goes from being a radical dreamer type with maybe some kind punk rock aspirations to being like.... reagan’s “moral majority.” 

he starts totally stomping down his old dreams and, in the process, mocking lucy for holding onto anything from their past (you know how she told sam part of the reason she divorced him was that “he never believed in the closet monster”? that was a symptom tbh). i imagine that this, in itself, was soul crushing, but what was really the last straw was when he started in on michael and sam: getting mad and telling michael that he wasn’t going to make it in the MLB and that he had to get his shitty grades up if he wanted to amount to anything (only making him hate school even more lbr), and openly disliking sam’s rejection of sports and stuff in favor of his comic books and MTV.

before the end, i think michael got in a lot of fights with his dad when he’d make passive-aggressive comments at sam for not being enough of a man. 

who made you the fucking authority on that, huh?

if he was ever actually physically violent with anyone, it was probably michael during these fights, or mayyyybe even lucy when she’d step in.

eventually, something just tips lucy’s goddamn scales, and she snaps and goes out right then and there to file for divorce. they never saw the point in signing a prenup or anything back then, y’know, so without really fighting for it, lucy wasn’t going to get anything in the divorce. 

she doesn’t. they leave arizona with just about the clothes on their backs.

if anyone actually fought against the divorce proceedings, honestly i think it was the dad. he had this idea of his respectable nuclear family, and, even though he was basically an emotionally neglectful POS to his sons, he hated the idea of his wallstreet suit-type coworkers coming to know that his home life was anything less than perfect. 

as a last ditch effort, he probably tried to win lucy back at the very last minute, even twisting her arm in an attempt to get her to stay for the boys’ sake, but he clearly no longer knows what attracted her to him in the first place, and the “effort” just makes her sad.

in her mind, she’s already gone by then, you know?

finally, he just ives up and signs the divorce papers. for a hot second it really fucks him up; he goes in to work unshaven and haggard, he’s back to eating like a bachelor, his heart isn’t in what he’s doing. this isn’t about grief over losing his family, though, is the shitty thing. not really. instead, he’s just dealing with uncertainty over how to remake his image. 

unfortunately, that’s about as much karma as their dad gets. by the time lucy, sam, and michael are gone for good, he finds it’s easiest to just pretend that they never happened. lucy didn’t demand it, but he sends the occasional bare bones childcare check in the mail and feels like he’s the goddamn father of the year or something, and meanwhile, he remarries a woman that’s both younger and more conservative than lucy, sooner or later fathering a son with her.

lucy isn’t cruel; she doesn’t want the boys to be totally cut off from their father, and even though they both pretty clearly sided with her in the divorce she offers him visitation rights and partial custody (saying that they could stay with him at least every summer and for whatever other holidays he wanted), but he mostly rejects this. 

when the boys try to call him to ask, he gives them a noncommittal answer about them maybe visiting next summer, after they’ve all gotten settled in. 

they pretty much stop calling after that. 

remember how i said michael has an above-average emotional intelligence? he’s definitely the one who helps lucy through the divorce the most. he picks up on the signals she sends about when she needs help and when she needs space, and chides sam for pushing her too hard every now and then.

sam, on the other hand, is definitely a good kid who cares about his mom a lot, but he’s a little more selfish and has a harder time acting like he’s got no problem leaving phoenix for her. the only real fights the two of them get into before all the vampire mess are centered around sam not being sympathetic enough to lucy and michael getting onto him for it.

i think that their dad might end up being a much better father and husband for his new family, and when the eventually visit him long enough to realize this, michael and sam... aren’t sure what to think.

like, they’re glad he’s not repeating the same mistakes he made before, but it’s not fair, is it? to see your little half-brother get the father you always wanted but never got. 

their new stepmom is a sweet lady, though. she really does want to try and welcome sam and michael into the family. sam, michael, and their dad all try, but in the end they find it uncomfortable, and the boys know it’s just a facade on all sides to make her happy. 

everyone is a little bit relieved when the boys just give up and go back to santa carla. 

when michael meets the lost boys (& subsequently learns about dwayne’s past with jasper and, you know, the total boner david has for him, and oh yeah, the fact that these guys are kind of universally gay asf), his only experience with gay shit had been his closeted fumbling with charlie and like, negative stereotypes from media, so he’s kind of amazed by these totally queer dudes who just... take no shit. 

like, he gets challenged to a motorcycle race and their leader doesn’t back down at all from the fight michael tries to incite, they take him back to drink and hang out in a semi-nasty man cave. these dudes aren’t what he expects from fags at all (they’re not sissies, and that’s kind of the end of his knowledge about the gay community at that time lol), and he just doesn’t... know what to think about them.

he kind of wants to be them.

like, you know how immediately after seeing them for the first time, michael buys himself a leather jacket and goes to get his ear pierced? there’s a reason for that, babes!

in other news, michael is a cancer and there’s nothing y’all can do about it.

i mean, i have Evidence behind my theory but also i’m just right.

but like, going back to that scene with michael and star again, when he’s introducing himself, you know how he tells her that he was nearly named moonbeam or moonchild or something like that? well, another name for cancers that i’ve seen is moonchildren, after the way cancer is ruled by the moon (and bc the term “cancer” itself has some... other connotations).

in conclusion, lucy really was That Bitch sgdfhghdh

[lalka-laski]

Friends Survey

Ross 1. Would you ever date somebody that has been divorced more than once? I would not. Also, this question just made me so thankful I’m no longer in the dating scene.  2. What are some stereotypically nerdy things that you like? I’m a huge bookworm. And while I don’t consider leisure reading a “nerdy” hobby at all, apparently some people do.  3. Would you rather be a teacher or work at a museum? As much as I love kids, I couldn’t handle the stress of being a teacher. My mom taught elementary school for 30 years and discouraged all of her daughters from pursuing a teaching career. 

4. What is something you are really passionate about? Literature, music, art  5. How would you react if you found out you were pregnant/got somebody pregnant just after you broke up? What would you do? Well I’d tell the father of course. Thankfully this situation will never happen to me though. 

Rachel 1. Have you ever ‘started over’ completely? In what ways? I wouldn’t say “completely” but I’ve definitely undergone many transformations. Hasn’t everybody?  2. Have you ever attended a wedding that ended where the bride and groom didn’t actually get married? What happened? No, thank God. That would be mortifying to watch.  3. Do you have a friend that you’ve known since high school, that you are still close with? Absolutely. I’m still close friends with several people from high school.  4. What scares you the most about becoming a mother (hypothetically, if you don’t want to have children)? I’m gonna be honest, the lack of sleep worries me most. I don’t really fear pregnancy or childbirth the way many people do, but I DO fear the constant exhaustion of raising a child. Having my sleep schedule depend completely on another person’s needs terrifies me!  5. Would you ever want a job in fashion? What would you enjoy about that type of job? That actually used to be one of my dream jobs. I’m thankful I didn’t take that path, though. Fashion is too cutthroat and high stress for me. Phoebe 1. Would you ever be a surrogate mother? If my sister needed me to, I would in a heartbeat. But that’s only because I know the child would still be part of my everyday life. Otherwise, I couldn’t carry a baby inside me only to be separated from him/her. I couldn’t handle that heartbreak. 2. What do you think would be the best and worst parts about being a twin? The best part would be having a built-in playmate your entire childhood. The worst part would be the constant comparisons. I’m thankful to not have a twin for that reason.  3. Do you feel that your childhood was more rough compared to others around you? We all have our skeletons. For the most part, I had a privileged childhood, a great family and a good home life. But I did suffer some traumas that no person, let alone a child, should have to endure so... I’m not sure how to answer this question.  4. How would you react if you found out today that you were actually adopted? I wouldn’t believe it seeing as I look like both of my parents. But hypothetically speaking, if that did happen, it wouldn’t change anything for me. As a preteen I found out that my sister is actually my half-sister and was adopted by my (our) dad. It meant nothing to me then and it means nothing to me now. She’s still my sister in every sense of the word. Family is chosen.  5. In what ways are you free-spirited, if any? I was much more free-spirited (aka promiscuous) in my youth, but those days are long behind me. I’m happily boring now. Chandler 1. Are sarcasm and jokes a regular thing for you? Jokes, for sure. But I generally don’t care for sarcasm and often find it more annoying than funny.  2. If one of your parents told you they were gay today, what would you say to them? I’d be very surprised and sad for him/her for living a closeted life all those years. 

3. What is the most boring part of your job? All of it! I’m sitting at my desk as we speak, filling out this survey ‘cause there’s nothing else to do.  4. Would you ever date your best friend’s sibling? Absolutely not 5. How do you feel about Chandler, if you watch the show? He’s one of my favorites and he’s the most dateable of the guys, IMO. 

Joey 1. Would having a job without a steady income scare you, or would you be able to handle it? That would terrify me! No thank you! 2. Describe a sandwich you love. GOOD, soft but firm bread, assorted cheeses, lettuce, tomato, onion and heavy mayo  3. What would be the perks and downfalls of coming from a big family? My family is actually small in numbers, but we feel so much bigger for some reason. I guess the downfall of it is there’s never any privacy and my phone is CONSTANTLY buzzing with groupchats. There’s no escape in a family like mine!  4. Have either of your parents ever cheated on one another before, that you know of? How would you react if you found out today that one of them cheated? Not to my knowledge, and I’d be devastated if that did happen.  5. Do you have a phrase that you catch yourself saying regularly? ”STOP IT!” often in disbelief or awe. Monica 1. Do you like cleaning and organizing? I love it. I’m a very neat person.  2. How much of a control freak are you? I’m the opposite, actually. I hate making decisions and would like them all made for me. 3. What would be the perks and downfalls of being a chef? I see more downfalls than perks. Highly stressful workplace, rough hours, work on holidays and weekends. It’s all a nope from me! 4. Are marriage and children a huge thing for you? Why or why not? While I would like both, I don’t view them as “goals” and I know I could live a happy and fulfilled life without them.  5. How would you react if you found out you were infertile? If you don’t plan on having kids to begin with, what is a long-term goal you’d be crushed to find out was impossible to achieve? I work at a fertility clinic so I have a lot of secondhand experience with this. The truth is, I have no idea how I’d handle that information myself. I want children so badly but I’m not sure if I’d be willing to undergo fertility treatments. It’s the kind of thing you can’t speak about until you go through it. 

[hallelujuh]

shay’s favorite tv shows from 2017

this has been in my drafts for.... nine months.... fuck.

Written in December 2017, updates are from September 2018.

Considering how many new, innovative shows are around these days, I didn’t get too adventurous this year, but I’m satisfied with the ones I did watch. I discovered new shows, I was impressed by the shows I’ve been following for years, and I learned to appreciate the work that goes into television more. Here’s my top ten TV shows..

10. Thirteen Reasons Why - In all honestly, this is only here because I haven’t been able to watch Peaky Blinders yet, and it’s probably too late. (UPDATE: Watched it in Jan and it was amazing.) This show received a lot of backlash, and for good reason, although it had its moments. The characters were well-written, the relationships were given depth that is often lacking in other high school-set narratives, and the tone was great. I’ve always loved watching things that make me profoundly sad, and this show did just that. (UPDATE: Season 2 was fucking garbage lmao.)

Standout episode: Tape 1, Side B. It’s a cripplingly depressing show, but this episode stood out as a moment of light in Hannah’s dark reality. Her friendship with Jessica and Alex was nice in the beginning - their banter, them having a spot in the coffee shop. I remember assuming Alex was gay (I believe his actor is, so I wasn’t too off) and thinking that’d be good for Hannah, to have a guy friend who wasn’t interested in her and wouldn’t add relationship drama to her life. Boy, was I wrong. Still, having seen the show at the beginning of the year, this episode is the only one I remember as enjoying, so it gets this spot.

9. A Series of Unfortunate Events - I read the books in elementary school, and they’re one of my favorite series of all time. I’m also a huge fan of the film, though I know most aren’t. So I was very excited for this series, and it didn’t completely disappoint. While I found myself longing for the actors from the 2004 motion picture, and some of the directing decisions weren’t choice, it was cool to see The Miserable Mill finally come to life, and I loved the Baudelaires just as much here as anyone else. I’ll be tuning in to next season, since I’ve very, very excited to see how they handle the next three books. I can’t wait to meet the Quagmire triplets, and Esme, and Jacques! It’ll be awesome. I hope they portray it well, but there’s no film to compare it to from here on out, so maybe it’ll be different.

Standout episode: The Reptile Room: Part One/Two. Like I said, I wasn’t a huge fan of how most of the characters were portrayed in this adaption, but I did love Uncle Monty. He was just as wonderful as he was in the film and books. Watching his interactions with the kids was really nice, and as always, made me wish they could’ve remained with him. Stephano wasn’t as menacing here as he is in the film (that knife scene is the point in the film where you go, “woah, this dude’s for real. he’s scary”), which was a bummer because I still thought Olaf was a laughably bad and incompetent villain by the finale, but I did like Poe’s hysteria, and I really loved the movie theatre scene.

8. Riverdale - Oops I never wrote this dfdsbfjdbfjds.

7. South Park - While we all can agree the last season was a mess, and this one was only a slight improvement, it did have it’s moments. I’ve been a fan for five years now, so at this point, they’ll never disappoint me, tbfh. 

Standout episode: Doubling Down. While Put it Down was wonderful, both satirically and because of Craig and Tweek’s adorable relationship, the eighth episode of the season was my personal favorite (UPDATE: Not sure why ‘cause I didn’t specify then and I’m not sure now.)

6. Dear White People - I didn’t do this one either damn. 

Standout Episode: Chapter V. While the show is a comedic take on racial relations, this episode is an emotional, serious change. The Barry Jenkins-directed episode shows us that the subject is no laughing matter, and it very clearly deserves this spot.

5. Rick and Morty - Yet another show I discovered this year, during the summer. I’d been meaning to watch it for ages, and I finally got around to it. While the fanbase is pretty much poison, the show is pretty damn good. Maybe not what it’s hyped up to be, but great none-the-less. I’m a big fan of adult cartoons, and RaM isn’t entirely satirical like South Park, and it’s not self-aware like BoJack, but it holds up. It’s probably so popular because of how unique it is.

Standout episode: The Ricklantis Mixup. While my personal favorite of Season 3 was The Whirly Dirly Conspiracy, because I adore Jerry, I think we can all agree that the was the best episode of the season, if not the series. Like, really. Holy shit.

4. Gotham - I began watching this show last year, and caught up to season three around halfway through it. It began to drag a bit, admittedly, like it couldn’t carry it’s own weight - but now the show’s on season four, and it gets a little wild sometimes, but it’s holding quite a bit better, I’d say. I was pretty fucking impressed, especially with the Nygmobblepot stuff.

Standout episode: A Dark Knight: Queen Takes Knight. Although Mad City: The Gentle Art of Making Enemies from Season 3 is a close runner-up, for all the loose ends it ties up, and so cleanly, too - the winter finale gets this spot. It had me on the edge of my metaphorical seat (since I was actually curled up in bed) the entire time. While Sophia’s character and her motivations had remained muddy since her introduction, her badassery finally came to the forefront, and it was awesome. The way she tore down Penguin from his throne? Incredible. We know he’ll return, as he has so many times, but really, that was so incredible. Considering he’s my favorite character, I should feel worse. However, Sophia executed her plan so well, I was too awed to hate her. Also, Jerome’s back! I’m extremely excited to see Jerome’s role in the upcoming episodes. (Update: Oh, honey, you got a big storm coming...)

3. BoJack Horseman - I binged the hell out of this show just before season four came out, because it was so creative and thought-provoking and hilariously depressing. The fourth season was notably wonderful in a lot of ways, particularly because of Todd’s sexuality arc (the first out asexual character in a TV show!) and how well it was handled, but also because of the mature themes they took on. Princess Carolyn’s miscarriages, Diane and Mr. PB’s failing marriage, BoJack’s struggle to forgive his mother, Beatrice’s own troubled upbringing, Hollyhock’s eating disorder. I watched the whole season in three days when it was first released, four months ago, and I’m currently considering re-watching it after rereading the summaries of each episode to refresh my memory. I’d forgotten how phenomenal it was. It’s on another level - it really is.

Standout episode: Time’s Arrow. Though there wasn’t a single weak episode this season, this one definitely stood out. Following the tradition of uniquely depressing eleventh episodes, Time’s Arrow focuses on BoJack’s mother and how her turbulent childhood affected her. Gorgeously executed, it makes us pity the woman who made our favorite alcoholic horse the way he is, and it concludes with BoJack making peace with his mother, who he had spent so long resenting. It’s just a gorgeous episode. I think I’m going to rewatch it right now, haha.

2. Mr. Robot - I’ve wanted to watch this show since it came out, but I finally began and finished the first two seasons just weeks before Season 3 came out. Since I’m discussing my favorites of 2017, I won’t be talking about those first two seasons here. I’ll be focusing on Season 3, which has been, in my opinion, incredible. What began as a modern, nerdy take on Fight Club has become so much more; a masterfully dark and suspenseful fictionalized look at the looming political state of our world. We’ve gotten new characters (Irving, who’s a gem), we’ve learned more about older but mysterious characters (poor repressed Dom), we’ve had to say goodbye to old characters (I’m still mad about ******), and best of all, this season has been Tyrell heavy, and we even got to see Elliot make peace with Mr. Robot.

Standout episode: S3/EP8, eps3.7_dont-delete-me.ko - The previous episode had already established a gorgeously melancholy setting through the use of Mac Quayle's gorgeous production 2.0_6-madame3xecutioner.oga, which, as a huge fan of film scores, I instantly fell in love with. The song is featured during a scene I watched several times - the scene when Angela repeatedly rewinds the explosion, unable to cope with the reality of it. It left me feeling similar to the way I had after watching American Beauty for the first time - like the world was a different shade. I thought this would be the only moment the show could invoke that response from me, but then the next episode came out. Unlike Ep. 7, Ep. 8 didn’t have a single moment. The whole episode brimmed with pain and sadness. The show’s already sad, but the lonely, isolated feeling is often overwhelmed by the suspense, drama, and excitement. This episode let the characters hurt without interruption, and it was wonderfully emotional.

1. The Get Down - I was so thrilled when I discovered this show in April, literally a few days after Part 2 had aired. I downloaded all the episodes for a road trip, and literally could not put it down the entire tme. It blended all my favorite things - the art of rap, the origin and evolution of hip hop, how battle rapping/deejaying came to be. The music was stellar, the cinematography was breathtaking, the acting was (for the most part) wonderful, and the cast was fantastic. I’ve seen some criticizing it, because of its occasionally choppy narrative and the fact that Baz Luhrmann added his usual whimsical take on something that was historically fairly dark, but I thought it was flawless. It was definitely groundbreaking in its amount of representation, and it was fun and colorful and emotional and, overall, just absolutely wonderful. Like many others, I was pretty devastated when they cancelled it. I understand why, but I wish it could get the Sense 8 treatment and receive a movie. There’s too many loose ends - it’s a real bummer. Still, I’m grateful we were blessed with this gem of a show at all.

Standout episode: S1/EP11, Only from Exile Can We Come Home - The final episode gets this spot for a single scene; the one where it alternates between Mylene singing “I’m my #1″ in the hotel room with Jackie and all the drag queens, and the scene where an unreleased Miguel song is playing while Dizzy & Thor paint on each other, and then Shao calls Dizzy his “alien brother.” That scene was easily one of my favorites I’ve ever seen in any show, in my entire life. If that episode was a film, that scene alone would guarantee it a spot on my favorite films list. It was that good.