#also WOW cherry is so short we love her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shop-korea · 10 months

Text

What a Girl Wants

youtube

2 HUNGRY - 2 - LINE - DID - SOME - FASTING - WALKING

BACK - ANOTHER - AREA - 4 - NORTH - KOREAN - MOM

HER - CUTIE - LITTLE - SON - DEAD - ACUTE - HUNGER

SEOUL - KOREA - SNOW - WILL - BREAKTHROUGH EVEN

DECLARING - SHORT - FASTS - EATING - CRACKERS AND

GRAPE - JELLY - SOON - 2 - HUNGRY - 2 - WAIT - 2 - EAT

KING DAVID - AND - HIS - DESCENDANTS - OUR - GOD's

PROMISE - HE - AND - HIS - FUTURE - DESCENDANTS

WILL - NEVER - BEG - 4 - BREAD - EVEN - IN - MIAMI 2

DAVID - ABOUT - 4 FT - TALL - ADULT - AS - CUTE AND

SO - LITTLE - YOUNG - SHEPHERD - 2 - SHEEP - YES

GUARDING - THEIR - LIVES - FR - WOLVES - NIGHT 2

PLAYED - INSTRUMENT - AND - SANG - INCREDIBLE

SINGER - GOD - LOVED - HIS - SINGING - 2 - OUR YES

MOST - HIGH - 'TOP - 40's' - DAVID - TRANSLATIONS

EVIL - IN - DESCRIPTION - OF - HIS - EYES

ONE - OF - THE - MOST - BEAUTIFUL - EYES - THAT

HAS - EVER - EXISTED - OR - EVER - SEEN - ON THIS

PLANET - JESUS - HIS - DESCENDANTS - THE - NEXT

MOST - BEAUTIFUL - EYES - OF - THE - EARTH - 4 HIS

MOM - MARY - MANY - HER - NAME - BUT - CALLED

AND - TRUE - THE - MOST - BEAUTIFUL - MARY - OF

THAT - TIME - OR - EVER - EXISTED - WHY - JOSEPH

WAS - GOING - 2 B - DISCREET - WILL - END - THEIR

ENGAGEMENT - MARY - PREGNANT - WITH CHRIST

JESUS - BUT - DREAM - TOLD - HIM - THE - FUTURE

KING - OF - KINGS - LORD - OF - LORDS - AS - GOD

PROMISED - WILL - B - BORN - HEROD - THE KING

JUST - HAD - 2 - OF - HIS - SONS - KIDS - BRUTALLY

MURDERED - HIS - SUCCESSORS - OUR - LORD

JESUS - BORN - AT - THE - RIGHT - TIME - RIGHT

PLACE - REAL - EVIL - AT - ISRAEL - COMPARED

2 - JAPAN - ALREADY - PINK - CHERRY - TREES

GORGEOUS - KOREA - OVER - 1 MILLION - YEARS

THEIR - MURDERS - NOT - LIKE - ISRAEL - AND XO

TODAY - JAPAN - OVER - 25 MILLION - YEARS AND

JESUS - WAS - BORN - OVER - 2,000 YRS - AGO -

GOREO - KINGDOM - OVER - 1,000 YEARS - AGO -

CONTINUING - HERE - INSTEAD - 2 - HUNGRY - 2 -

LINE - TOLD - 2 - MALES - 1 - SAID - YES SHARED -

TUESDAYS - 4 - 12P - WE - LINE - 4 - 1 - MEAL YES

CONTAINED - WOW - LOTS - OF - PEOPLE - TRUE

REVISED - BASICALLY - AGAIN - REVISED - THERE

IS - A - LINE - BUT - LESS - A - BUFFET - INSTEAD

LARGE - AMOUNT - OF - FOOD - DESSERTS ALSO

CAKES - MUFFINS - LOOKS - GOOD - HE - HAS - A

CHANCE - 'GO - NOW' - SO - MORE - THAN - 10 MIN

HE - GOT - BACK - 2 - BAGS - BROUGHT - UP

I - SAID - 'I - COMMANDED - AND - YOU - WENT'

REVISED - THANKS

'HAPPY - THANKSGIVING'

CONTINUING - A - FEW - DAYS - AGO - FATTY - ARMY

VETERAN - WHILE - I - WAS - SITTING - ON - CUSHION

WAITING - 4 - LIBRARY - 9:30A - HE - TRIED - 2 - TOUCH

ME - AND - BASICALLY - 2 - BAD - LAW - ABOUT - LIVE

GETTING - ON - ARMY - ILLEGAL - ABOUT - MOURNING

PERIOD - OF - AIR - FORCE - POSSIBLY - MURDERED BY

US - ARMY - SHOT - FAT - SO - PUDGY - HE - SPEAKS -

SUCH - JOY - U - WILL - LISTEN - LIKE - SCORPIO -

DEPENDS - ON - MONTH - DESPICABLE - AS THE -

EMPLOYEE - THEY - WILL - STAB - WITH - KNIFE IF

U - 'MAID' - DON'T - DO - 500 THINGS - TODAY - HE

PINOY - MALE - SPOKE - HIS - LOOKS - IF - NOT - 4

PRESIDENTS - WHY - SHOULD - HE - PAY - LIKE -

WILL - STAB - WITH - KNIFE - HE - REACHED LIKE

WILL - TOUCH - 2 - U - KNOW - FRENCH - KISS

HAVEN'T - SHOWERED - OVER - 1 YEAR - WITH

NO - CHANGE - OF - CLOTHES - WILL - TOUCH

BREASTS - CREEP - SKIN - WRINKLES - HE YES

LIKES - SAGGING - ALSO - INDIAN - CHEST

B 4 - 9:30A EDT - THEN - FINALLY - YESTERDAY

HE - DID - TOUCH - MY - L - ARM - WITH - LIKE

HAND - OR - SOMETHING - WANTED - 2 - YES

ANNOUNCE - WHERE - FOOD - IS - EVERYONE

AT - MAIN - LIBRARY - TRIED - 2 - ALSO - CHANGE

I - SAID - LOT 38 - BUT - HE - WANTED - SAY - YES

OUT - LOUD - LOT 36 - THEN - ALL - OF - A - TRUE

SUDDEN - SAID - AGAIN - EASY - INSTRUCTION

AFTER - OVER - 2 WEEKS

2ND - ST - 2ND - AVE - PARKING - LOT - THURS

5P - JUST - GO - STRAIGHT - R - SIDE - LOT 38

THEN - STRAIGHT - LOT 36 - GAVE - LIKE USED

HAND - WHAT - STRAIGHT - LOOKS - LIKE - SO

LOOKED - AT - MAIN - LIBRARY - NEAR - THE

OTHER - ELEVATOR - HE - SAID - THE - LOT

WAS - NOT - BASICALLY - WHERE - ROSS - DRESS

4 - LESS - IS - W FLAGLER ST - AND - MIAMI AVE

ARMY - HE - SAID - THAT - FAST - BECAUSE - LAW

DON'T - TELL - LANDLORD - AND - MANY - THE

EXTENT - OF - YOUR - DISABILITY - REMEMBER

CHARLIE's - ANGELS

6 FT - WHITE - GIRLS - LEARNING - DISORDER

FOOTBALL - DRAW - R - THEY - WILL - GO - LEFT

SO - QUARTERBACK - SAYS - R - SO - THE - WILL

GO - LEFT - HE - PULLED - ILLEGAL - FAST - FOR

IF - HIS - WIFE - WAS - BLIND

PLAYBOY - MAGAZINE - HE - AGENT - 25% - FOR

HER - BLIND

ME - TOLD - HIM - SSI - BLINDNESS - $914 - HE

WAS - TRYING - 2 - FIND - HOW - BLIND - I SAID

PARTIALLY - AND - STARTS - WITH - $35 - IN US

OVER - 5 MILLION - LIARS - IN - USA - THAT THEY

ARE - DISABLED - 4 - MIAMI's - LESS - THAN MIN

WAGE - WAS - $10 - NOW - $12 - SAID - BLAH BLAH

1 YEAR - 2 - RETURN - NO - RE-APPLICATION YES

NEEDED - OVER - $1,900 - EACH - MONTH - LIKE

YOU'RE - FIRED

LOST - NEW - JOB - INCOME - WEIRDO - THINKING

$35 - 2 - ME - MY - 1ST - GRANT - OVER - $13 - TAX

FREE - ALSO - I -- WAS - PROUD - HONOR - STUDENT

HONOR - ROLL - VILLAGE - CHRISTIAN - SCHOOL

SUN VALLEY - CALIFORNIA - CA

PRINCIPAL - SAID - 'SPEND - ON - ANYTHING'

'TONIGHT' - 'TOMORROW'

HAS - EXPIRATION - BUT - RENEWABLE

WHEN - I - WENT - THERE - HISPANIC - OLD

MALE - BUT - FAR - R SIDE - NEAREST - AND

ME - SO - MIAMI - RIVER - LANDMARK

LEA SALONGA - 'MULAN' - WHAT - RIVER

2 - CHOOSE - 2 - FLOW - WITH - ALSO SO

GUESS - IT's - TRUE - DID - REMEMBER HE

SAID - FINALLY - CORRECT - NO

LOT - 38 - NOT - 36

WHITE - FEDERAL - TAX - PAID - CAR

MIAMI - DADE - FUEL

ILLEGAL - HORN - GET - OUT - OF - HIS

WAY - 'HOMELESS - WEIRDOS' - TAX PAYERS 2

8TH - AMENDMENT - VIOLATED - TALED - 2 THE

ISLAMICS - THROW - AWAY - PUBLIX - FRIED -

CHICKEN - U - KNOW - CRUELTY - 2 - ANIMALS

TURN - VEGAN - WHEN - ISLAM - AGE 18

NO - EATING - AT - LEAST - JANUARY AND

INCLUDES - FRUIT - JUICES - WHY - NOT - THIN

GUESS - ISLAM - SAID - RIGHT - THING

MEANING - OFFERING - CHICKEN - 'BRIBERY'

I - SAID - PULSE - OF - NON-VIRGIN - BLK MALE

WAVE - ABOVE - MY - MILITARY - WATCH - HE &

CAR - DISAPPEAR - MEMORY - GONE - WHAT HE

SAID - 'HIPNOSIS' - FUEL - FLAMMABLE

A LA - 'IKE - TURNER' - DECEASED

BRUTALLY - BROKE - TINA's - BODY

HE - DIED - FIRST -

THEN - SHE - DIED - JUST - RECENT

WANTS - 2 - MAKE - SURE - BIBLE

'NONE - OF - HER - ENEMIES - ARE - IN -

THE - HEAVENS'

SHEOL - UNSEEN - REALM - SEES - SOME

OF - HEAVEN's - ACTIVITIES - AS - SHE's

EATING - WHILE - SPIRITUAL - WORMS ARE

GOING - THROUGH - BODIES - LAKE OF FIRE

BTS - ARMY - WHO - SAYS - 'OH' - WILL JOIN

HIM - NOW - IN - THE - NAME - OF - JESUS

CONTINUING ...

1:30P EST

2 - ISLAM - MALES - (RIGHT - PARKING - LOT)

DIDN'T - NOTICE - 1 - LEFT - RETURNED - WITH

MERCEDES - 'NO - HONKING' - OF - HORN FOR

THEY - WANT THEIR - CHICKEN AS HOMELESS

SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA - 1 HONK - OF - CAR

MUST - B - AN - EMERGENCY - 'MAKE - IT YES

GOOD' - MONETORY - FINE - COULD - ALSO B

'STEP - OUT - OF - THE - VEHICLE' - SOME

JAIL - TIME - IN - ADDITION - LAST - CENTURY

BIG - $$$$ - FINE - AND - MY - DAY - CAME AND

I - MADE - IT - COUNT - I - PRESSED - IT - IN - IN

MY - BLUE - CHEVY - USED - FR - ADOPTED

PHILIPPINE - PARENTS - SMALL - AND CUTE

DIDNT - KNOW - HOW - 2 - OPERATE - THE AC

MURDERERS - UNIVERSITY - OF - PHILIPPINES

CHILD - MURDERED - SUICIDE - KILLED - WHAT

EVER - $1 MILLION - OR - EACH - USD - TAX PH

EXEMPT - SO - THEY - HAVE - MURDERED - YES

ALSO - EVEN - OVERSEAS - SO - DURING - THE

SUMMER - MURDERED - LIKE - IN - SYDNEY

AUSTRALIA - GOT - MONEY - RIGHT - AWAY

AS - PROMISED

HONKED - HORN - 1 PUSH - DOWN - AFTER

LOS - ANGELES - IMMIGRATION - FREEWAYS

MERGING - AS - AGE 23 - ALMOST - DIED BACK

AND - FORTH - THEIR - COOL - WHITE - MALES

HELPED - ME - MAKE - IT - WON'T - FORGET

SO - USE - HORN - OF - CAR - AND - IT - DID

WORK - ALSO - ADULTS - LESS - FORGET

TRAGEDIES - FORGOT - WHAT - HAPPENED

BUT - THE - HORN - JUST - ONE - WORKED

BEAUTIFUL - NO - COLLISION - AT - LEAST

3 VEHICLES - SAN FERNANDO - VALLEY CA

JESUS - IS - LORD

'SARG' - HE - WANTS - 2 B - CALLED - I SAID

HAVE - 2 - DO - STUFF - THOUGHT - WOULD

BRING - LIKE - 150 LBS - FR - MAIN LIBRARY

FAR - AWAY - HE - WANTED - RIOT - 2 - MURDER

2 - GET - AT - LEAST - MY - AMAZON - UMBRELLA

AS - THEIR GAIN - FR - MURDER - 2 - ROB - MIAMI

SINCE - REGULAR - CLEAR - NAIL - POLISH - NOT

ACRYLICS - AS - FEMALES - WE - BLEED - SKIN

FAST - WITH - SHARPNESS - AS - I - KICK - AND

BLEED - CHINESE - SWORD - FIGHTING - HUGE

MARTIAL - ARTS - AS - CHINESE - WOMEN - OR

GIRLS - ATTACKED - CHINESE - GIRLS - AS - TO

WHO - KNOWS - FORMER - KUNG FU - WELL AS

I - FELT - ALWAYS - FIGHTING - MALES - THEN

ENDING - FEMALES - IS - EASY - KOREAN - TV

DRAMAS - THEY'RE - VEILED - ASSASSINS

GOD - SAID - 'HE - FIGHTS - OUR - BATTLES

4 - US' - 'THE - VICTORY - IS - OURS - AND HE

GOES - B4 - US - WITH - US - SURROUNDING

US' - NOW - OUR - ENEMIES - 'HIS' - AND OUR

ADVERSARIES NOW - 'HIS' - IN - JESUS' NAME

LITTLE - HAVANA - TOTAL - STRANGER - MALE

BORN - IN - USA - MORE - 333 YEARS WHO YES

DRAGGED - MALE - PINOYS - AFTER - TYING 2

SPANISH - HORSES - DRAGGED - THEM - ON

CEMENT - SIDEWALKS - 2 - BLEED - REMOVE

OF - BONE - UNTIL - THEY - SCREAM - 333 YRS

I - WASHED - BLOOD - OF - MY - FEET - BLOOD

FLOW - MAIN - LIBRARY - RESTROOM

SPANISH - SPEAKING - DEMENTED - 'SHOWERING'

SAID - WILL - HAVE - ME - ARRESTED

USE - OF - FEDERAL - TAXES - WATER

AMERICANS - HISPANICS - BLOOD - FLOW

LIKE - KITCHEN - SINK - WATER - DRIPPING

LOTS - OF - BLOOD - NIAGARA - FALLS

BRICKELL - SPORTS - LUGGAGE - 250 LBS

ARMED - ALLIED - UNIVERSAL - SECURITY

MA'M - 'U - CAN'T - SHOWER'

I - SAID - I'M - 'VOMITING'

HAITI - MALE - THEIR - PRESIDENT - 12 SHOTS

HEAD - INCLUDED - SHOT - 2 - DEATH - MIDNIGHT

ALLOWED - JUNE - BIRTHDAY - ENJOYED - 1 SHOT

WHO - HE - MARRIED - INSTEAD - OF - MAKING

HIS - PROSTITUTE - ILLEGITIMATE - KIDS

COLLEGE - SWEETHEARTS

COLLEER?

PROCEDURES - OF - $20 BILLION - MIAMI - MALL

WHERE - BREASTS - SHOWING - REVISED

U - MUST - REMOVE - YOUR - PANTY - 2 - PROVE

YOU'RE- NOT - HOMELESS

ANOTHER - HAITI - 6'3 FT

SHOOT - PHILIPPINES - 4 - THROWING - COINS

2 - POISON - THEIR - $25,000 - KOI - FISHES

EYES - OF - HAITI - SUPERVISOR - ARMED

GOING - DIFFERENT - DIRECTION

HAITI - DOLLS - HEADS - ON - TREES - NOT

BARBIE - KIDS - LOVE - CHRISTIAN - VUDU

BEST - DEFINITION - IS - IN - HAITI

THEY - WONDERED - WHY - NO - TOURISTS

GOOD - BARBIE - NOT - ON - ANY - TREE

OF - HAITI - 4 - VUDU - DOLLS

MISOGYNY - NON-VIRGIN - MALES - NO 1

NON-VIRGIN - FEMALES - KILL - KILL - KILL

BEAUTIFUL - FEMALES - YOUNG - OLD - MORE

NO - BREASTS - YOUNG - SO - LIKE - KOREA

MANY - LATE - 4 - WORK - OR - OTHER STUFF

UGLY - BREEDS - UGLY

SO - HIT - AND - RUN - IN - KOREA - SEOUL KR

UGLY - HIT - SO - WAS - FAST - IN - LEAVING

'UGLY - WAS - HIT - BY - SOMEONE'S - CAR'

HOPE - HIS - CAR - NOT - TURNING - UGLY

AFTER - HITTING - AN - UGLY - GROSS GROSS

UGLY - ON - EARTH

NO - KIDS

PLANET - EARTH - WILL - JUST - LOOK - DEAD

HAUNTING

MALE - PINOY - CHINESE - SPANISH - MOST

TOLD - ME - OVER - AND - OVER - AFTER 5A

'SAY - YOU'RE - PINOY'

SAY - YOU'RE - A - MALE

BECAUSE - BORN - IN - PHILIPPINES

ELIZABETH - TAYLOR - REALLY - BORN - THERE

4 - HER - 2 - SAY - SHE's - A - MALE

HE - SAID - U CAN'T - SAY - YOU'RE - A -

FOREIGNER - BORN - THERE - HE - WANTED

2 - SIT - ON - ME - NEXT - 2 - ME

THEN - THREW - HIS - CIGARETTE - INSIDE

ROSS - DRESS - 4 - LESS - BAG

TOLD - POLICE - SHOWED - YELLOW - BAG

HOLE - FR - CIGARETTE - NO - ONE - HELPED

FATSOS - NEEDED - 2 - GET - FOOD - FR THEIR

BAKERY - NO - CARS - HELPED

PRAYED - DEUT 28 - HURRICANE - BELTED

KILLED - ALSO - THERE - JESUS - IS - LORD

NEAR - ASIA MART

HIRED - UGLY - HIRED - PRETTY

THAT - MALE - GOES - THERE

SOLUTION

STAND - YOUR - GROUND - LAW

KATHERINE HEIGEL - PRACTICING - SHOOTING

COUNTY - HUNTER - WITH - HELP - JUST KEPT

FIRING - MANY - ON - HEART

FRENCH - OR - GERMAN - FIREARM

THIGH - APPENDIX - NO - SOUND - SHOOTING

POISONED - POISONED - AMMUNITION

BURNING - ABOVE - THEN - DISAPPEARS

BOOTS - 2 - FLY

COSTUME - REMOVING - COAT

CALVIN KLEIN

'WONDER - WOMAN'

BOOTS - 2 - FLY - CAN - B - DEADLY - KICKS

INTERNAL - BLEEDING - SO - HE - DISAPPEARED

NOW - 'WONDER - WOMAN' - AS - SHE - LEARNED

SHE - CAN - LEAP - JUMP - ON - AIR - ONE - CITY

2 - ANOTHER - NO - FLYING - NEEDED

WE - HAVE - THE - MIND - OF - CHRIST - JESUS

SO - EVIL - HUMANS - DON'T - HAVE THIS - MIND

KIND - OF - NOT - SMART

POSTING - GETTING - SLOW

ANOTHER - NEW - POSTS 2

#Youtube

3 notes · View notes

mintbees · 2 years

Note

mr. bees i wanna ask what your favorite book/book you'd recommend bc i just finished mine and i keep finding tiktok books recommend and im losing it

idk what my favorite book is tbh! id probably say the LOTR trilogy. but for recommendations i can can give you some recs based off of categories i like to read. put under a read more cuz i rambled a lot

fantasy/sci-fi:

Lord of the rings: kinda obvious its like The fantasy story but its truly so good. Tthe world tolkien made is like nothing else. If you love worldbuilding LOTR is a must read it literally raised the bar for me when i was a kid.

Dune: currently ive only finished the first book but DAMN. a staple of the sci-fi genre its got the same intricate worldbuilding of LOTR but this one is a little bit more like.....idk how to describe it but you've gotta be a real fucking dork ass nerd to read these books its 500 pages of people fighting over a planet made out of space cocaine. its great.

overall fiction:

Sputnik Sweetheart by haruki murakami: This is a short and atmospheric read about a man looking for his friend who dissapeared after she got in a relationship with a mysterious woman. Its surrealist and open ended. fair warning about murakami though he is pretty weird about women, not too awful in this book but in others....yeah.

Dracula: U already know wtf is going on!!!

Land of the lustrous: .......okay so this one is a manga not a book but it's one of my fave fictional works just in general so ive gotta. It's a beautifully drawn story about gemstone people following the weakest of them as she tries to prove herself, slowly destroying her identity in the process and it starts very cute but it is heartwrenching.

Jane Eyre: This one is a piece of classic english literature so its a bit more difficult to read but this was the one romance book i read that i didnt hate and thats saying something coming from me

Informational (history, educational, philosophical)

Sakura by naoko abe: This book is about the restoration of the cherry tree to japan through the efforts of british collector Collingwood Ingram. Super interesting book about how biodiversity can be destroyed and restored. Also talks of the fascinating history of the cherry trees symbolism in japan.

the secret lives of colors: a fun collection of various colors and their specific histories. each color has a few chapters dedicated to it and i learnt we made a lot of deadly paints! like a lot! wow!

entangled life by merlin sheldrake: about mushrooms and the way they are much more important and powerful than we think written by a mycologist. both informational and philosophical in the way it made me realise that life as we know is so much more than we think.

#this list got very long im sorry! but i had to say my thoughts about every book ykno #reading is a hobby i only managed to get back into about a year ago so i dont have a super extended mental library #i dont rlly read that much fiction either i like informational books which is super boring i know

5 notes · View notes

chaoticsoft · 2 years

Text

long, rambly post about this past year under the cut

Taking stock of this year because I can't help it. I love the clean slate a fresh January offers. I love looking backward and forward for just a moment to decide what to keep and what to let go of.

On paper, this year was a lot of disappointment. I didn't get into a phd program. We tried repeatedly to move out of the area, but the opportunities presented were never quite the right fit. I still have issues with the tendons in both my hands that, despite occupational therapy, still haven't quite resolved yet.

This summer I was pretty depressed from not being able to use my hands to do the things I love, like cooking, playing video games, writing. Thankfully that has gradually improved somewhat, but even when I was in the midst of it, I still kept finding little sources of joy to help me get through. I learned to read and write in Persian (I'm not great at it, mind you, but I can actually tell what most things say now!). And I guess... for me, that's resiliency. It's looking for those bits of light where they can be found, because they are there. I'm grateful that I've finally learned to (stubbornly) look.

I didn't progress as far in Spanish as I would have liked. In hindsight, it might be kind of unwise to try and learn two languages at once, even if they are completely different. I guess I'm probably going to have to pick one to focus on for a while, it's just a difficult choice. Spanish has my mind in that it fascinates me and I know more of it (I'm probably intermediate, if I had to say). But Persian has my heart. I'm learning it for love. Love of the culture, love for my people.

I know I said that on paper this year held a lot of disappointment, but the truth is that it's held a lot of inner breakthroughs for me. I don't want to go into too much detail about it but one huge, positive change I'm bringing with me into 2023 is finally letting go of the disordered eating patterns that have been passively sabotaging my life. I'd been really frustrated with myself this past year when I would have such little energy, when concentrating would be a struggle, when I could barely get through a book or a workout, when my short-term memory was piss-poor. Most days I was only eating like one small meal a day and then wondering why I felt so miserable. I knew I had issues with restriction, but it still took me four years in therapy to finally work up the courage to even be honest with my therapist about it. I've been working at unraveling it for probably 8 months or so and I've only just started, within the last 3 weeks, to actually eat enough food for a person of my size. And it is almost laughable, the difference it has made. It would be hilarious if it wasn't. I have energy now to concentrate and read books again, to work out for over twice as long as before, my memory's returned. I no longer feel like my default state is this vaguely sad haze. I feel like I have my body back.

If you are someone who restricts (or has any sort of dysfunction around eating), I hope in this new year you'll also take the steps to heal. I know the disorder lies to you and says that it's helping you, I know it says it's giving you a sense of control. But it only hurts you. It robs you of things you don't even fully realize until you get them back. Genuinely, the best thing I ever did was seek help. I'm tagging this to avoid triggering anyone, please let me know if I missed any tags.

As I said, I read sadly few books in 2022 but my top ones are definitely The Mistress of Spices by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni (this book *long, lingering chef's kiss*), Loose Woman and A House of My Own both by Sandra Cisneros (I devour her books in the bath like they're dark chocolate cherries, mango slices dipped in honey, or some other rich indulgence), and Who Fears Death by Nnedi Okorafor (what a fun, wild ride this book was, wow; for lack of a better comparison, it's kind of like Dune without all the colonial white savior bullshit). I just started Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison and it's really, really good so I may finish it before year's end but I'm not sure, so I won't count it lol. This coming year I hope to read and/or actually finish Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin, Cisneros's newest book of poetry Woman Without Shame, Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler, Dreamtigers by Jorge Luis Borges, and Braiding Sweet Grass by Robin Wall Kimmerer.

I've also resolved to cook more Persian food this year. Food is such a significant tie to a culture. Growing up, it was the only thing I experienced that made me "feel" Iranian as my Dad never really spoke the language to us or shared many of the customs. Those are all things I'm teaching myself as an adult. Still, it's time I mastered Persian cooking. I've already started working on it and I'm fairly pleased with my tahdig game already. :)

Anyway, I hope this past year has been kind to you. And even if it hasn't, I hope you're still able to sift for those glinting bits of good where they can be found. And even more, I hope for you a gentle year. A year that is soft and kind and healing.

#sarah writes things #year end musings #tw: ed mention #tw: ed #cw: ed mention #cw: ed #(mention of disordered eating and recovery; please don't read if that might be triggering for you)#(i love you; take care of yourself)

1 note · View note

hailng · 2 years

Note

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last ten people who reblogged something from you. Spread the positivity ✨🌸

(only if you want to though, no pressure)

aaaaa thank you for sending me this I love doing these!!

Coffee. I love coffee so much and the first sip always puts a smile on my face

Music. Good, loud, noisy, catchy music, any genre as long as gets me to dance. Mostly been enjoying kpop and EDM recently. Can I cheat and put all my favourite groups under this? skz, atz, bts, svt and lately twice, mamamoo, le sserafim, tbz, all of got7s solo content, JUNNY... so many more...I feel like there has been so much good music this year!! and non-kpop wise, keshi, joji, LANY, charlie puth, sam smith, gareth emery, alan walker, seven lions, gryffin, giuseppe ottaviani, tritonal, audien, illenium have all put out some great tracks this year...and I discovered rina sawayama this year! I really like her music. THERE IS PROBABLY MORE BUT OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD...that's it. I use spotify so much I'm a little afraid to see my spotify wrapped this year. I've been having so much trouble sleeping so I've been using music as my white noise to be able to fall asleep. But also if anyone wants to share their spotify with me I love seeing what other people are listening to so I can discover more great music!!

Wearing cute outfits! I have been feeling really insecure lately so I'm trying to learn how to dress for my body type and for my confidence. I've been taking a lot of inspiration from IN, hongjoong, all of svt and mamamoo, and so many more... But I created a separate Instagram account so I could post the outfits I really liked just because...we should all take more photos, life is short

My friends and family! Honestly, I was super stressed when I saw my friends and felt the literal release of tension off my shoulders because I finally relaxed in their presence. School and work have honestly been a killer combo and they have been so supportive this whole time, even making time last minute to have a quick take-out dinner even if it was only for a couple hours

The ability, privilege and opportunity to be living where I live. I wanted to say hiking, dragon boat, cycling, the beach, and the mountains, is what makes me happy. But I feel like the encompassing thing that makes me happy is where I live because it offers all 4 seasons(with a cherry blossom seasonal festival i might add! it's my favourite), a nice beach that is less than an hour away from a mountain... and all the recreational and outdoor activities that come with being able to live here.

wow that was long I hope that wasn't too much aaaa

#ok I definitely cheated with number 2 but honestly I've been feeling really down lately so this was a nice little mental health pick me up #thinking about things that make me happy was nice #thank you for send me this ask i really appreciate it #also im honestly just a lurker most of the time so I'm v awkward #but it made my day!#i haven't reflected on what i'm grateful for recently so this was nice #asks and replies #I will ask people later when I’m off work and school

1 note · View note

edgewaterfarmcsa · 2 years

Text

FALL CSA WEEK 7

p i c k l i s t

garlic seconds - onions - radish - watermelon radishes- murasaki sweet potatoes - butternut squash - kale - spinach - beets - purple top turnips - carrots - brussel sprouts - mixed potatoes - popcorn

BREAD: ZUCCHINI BREAD (but actually summer squash)

WOW- WHAT A WHIRLWIND. Another CSA season has come and gone! What started with seeds in January, ends today with a cornucopia of root vegetables, some fresh greens, and a smattering of storage crops to keep you thinking of edgewater well into winter.

Brief 2022 recap: The farming season is so wild! From sunrise to sundown, every moment from April to literally right now in late November is either an epic win or an epic fail, very little in between. So much occurs from spring seeding to summer picking to late fall storing and finally deep winter eating. In total honesty, this was a tough growing season. Lack of rain really took a toll on all of our crops, we were short two people on field crew, the crop failure we had during strawberry season was enough to make us all cry, weeds were out of control in every field and now we are dealing with rot in our potatoes. It’s just a lot. And this season more than any one prior, I gotta say, we are all ready for some real rest.

Don’t get me wrong, we weren’t just irrigating our crops with tears this Summer. There was awesome fruit to reap! The melons were sweet and plentiful, winter squash blossomed like a dream, blueberries were divine, the cherry tomatoes were endless, and we got a good handle on exactly how much collared greens to grow for future plantings. Also, the good folks that show up every summer to work on our field crew are so dear to my heart and I love working alongside them. Mike, Ray, Strong, Roy, Jasper, Garnet, and Tim continue to be total badasses in the field. Everyone shows up daily to give their all to whatever veg/fruit is in front of them. Newbies Pam, Claire, Denroy, and Carlington fell into the groove while also experiencing steep learning curves. Pam in particular, really stole my heart this Summer. Her first year in farming reminded me how cool every crop is and how there is brilliance in every systems of planting/seeding/irrigating, etc… It was totally inspiring to work with someone so new to the field, and so eager to learn. Her awe in growing food is contagious, Cheers pam!

And as far as the CSA round up goes, while we are ending our 7 weeks of Fall foods today, the farm is completing 24 weeks of CSA pick ups and pack outs- wowie wow wow wow. Such a journey we went on this Summer beginning with the first bite of strawberries in June!

We were all so lucky to have support from Mrs. T on herbs, Claire on early morning green harvesting as well as sky scrapers of wax box building, Anne on after hours kiddo duties, Ray on crop plan management, and of course allll the support from field crew on bulk planting, harvesting, etc… (think cucurbrits, cherry tomatoes, small fruits, etc).

My bottomline here is this: you hear alot from me throughout the growing season via newsletter and instagram, but this farm is far bigger than one person and one persons voice. It is an actual village and everyone here keeps the village moving, and food growing, and goodness gracious we haven’t even brought up all the cool stuff happening at the farmstand, in the kitchen, and in the greenhouses. Edgewater is a pretty special place, I often can’t believe I get to do this everyday…

And without further ado, Allie and Holle (of the farmstand and greenhouses) just walked into the farm office with a 6 pack of white claws. It’s 6pm, dark as hell, time to wrap up- so cheers to you all, thanks for having Edgewater at your table these past 7 weeks (and some 24!) dig in, Happy Thanksgiving, and let's party.

pro-tips:

ACTIVE TIME/ 15 minutes TOTAL TIME/40 minutes… 4 servings

1½ lb. brussels sprouts, trimmed, halved

¼ cup extra-virgin olive oil

½ tsp. kosher salt, plus more

Freshly ground black pepper

¼ cup honey

⅓ cup sherry vinegar or red wine vinegar

¾ tsp. crushed red pepper flakes (optional)

3 Tbsp. unsalted butter

3 scallions, thinly sliced on a diagonal

1 tsp. finely grated lemon zest

Step 1 Place a rimmed baking sheet on bottom rack of oven; preheat to 450°. Toss brussels sprouts and oil in a large bowl; season with salt and black pepper. Step 2 Carefully remove baking sheet from oven. Using tongs, arrange brussels cut side down on baking sheet. Roast brussels on bottom rack until softened and deeply browned, 20–25 minutes. Step 3 Meanwhile, bring honey to a simmer in a small saucepan over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low and cook, stirring often, until honey is a deep amber color but not burnt (it will be foamy, that’s okay), 3–4 minutes. Step 4 Remove from heat and add vinegar and red pepper flakes, if using, and whisk until sauce is smooth (it will bubble up quite aggressively when you add the vinegar before settling). Return saucepan to medium heat, add butter and ½ tsp. salt, and cook, whisking constantly, until glaze is glossy, bubbling, and slightly thickened, 3–4 minutes. Step 5 Transfer brussels sprouts to a large bowl. Add glaze and scallions and toss to combine. Transfer to a platter and top with lemon zest.

Prep Time 20 mins/ Cook Time 45 mins/ Total Time 1 hr 5 mins

Hemp Seed Ranch (makes extra)

½ cup raw + hulled hemp seeds

¼ cup fresh lemon juice (from approximately 1 lemon)

¼ cup water

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 teaspoon dijon mustard

1 teaspoon garlic powder

¼ teaspoon nutritional yeast

1 green onion, finely minced (approximately 1/4 cup)

1 sprig of dill, chopped (approximately 1 tablespoon)

sea salt and ground black pepper, to taste

Roasted Winter Bowl

1 small-medium sweet potato, (about 3/4 lb or 330 grams) peeled + diced into 1/2 inch cubes

1 tablespoon olive oil, divided

⅓ of a block of tempeh, from a standard 1/2 lb or 250 gram block, cut into 2-inch pieces

2 tablespoons barbecue sauce of choice (see notes)

7-8 brussels sprouts, trimmed and quartered

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Set out a large baking sheet, lining it with parchment paper if you like.

Make the hemp seed ranch dressing. In a blender, combine the hemp seeds, lemon juice, water, olive oil, dijon, garlic powder, nutritional yeast, salt, and pepper. Whizz the mixture on high until you have a smooth and creamy texture. Scrape the dressing into a small bowl and stir in the green onions and dill. Cover the dressing and store in the refrigerator.

Place the diced sweet potatoes onto one end of the baking sheet. Toss the sweet potatoes with 1 teaspoon of the olive oil, some salt and pepper. Slide the sheet into the oven and set your timer for 15 minutes.

At the 15 minute mark, remove the baking sheet. In a small bowl, toss the tempeh pieces with another teaspoon of olive oil, some salt and pepper. Arrange the tempeh pieces in the middle segment of the baking sheet. Lightly toss the sweet potatoes. Slide the sheet back into the oven and set your timer for another 15 minutes.

At the 15 minute mark, remove the baking sheet. Throw the brussels sprouts into the same small bowl that you used for the tempeh. Toss the brussels sprouts with the remaining olive oil, salt, and pepper. Scatter them in a single layer on the remaining segment of the baking sheet.

Flip the tempeh pieces over and brush them with the barbecue sauce. Slide the sheet back into the oven for 15 more minutes. Once brussels sprouts are lightly browned, remove baking sheet from the oven.

Transfer sweet potatoes, tempeh, and brussels sprouts to a serving bowl. Drizzle some of the hemp seed ranch dressing over top and enjoy.

Equipment

Blender

Recipe Notes

For barbecue sauces, there's no shame in a good store bought one OR you can make one from my recipe. This one and this one also look great.

I used a high speed blender for the ranch dressing, but I imagine a normal blender could get the job done because hemp seeds are quite soft.

A super easy, vegan, one-tray roasted winter bowl supper with BBQ tempeh, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes and vegan hemp seed ranch dressing. This is a great lower effort, nourishing meal for one.

1 note · View note

ljsstories · 2 years

Text

Chapter Eight: Going Solo

Standing on the gravel, staring at the small cottage where he spent ten of the most peaceful days of his life, Jensen Alexander Reed felt a knot in his stomach. Wearing simple blue jeans and a flannel shirt, he felt slightly warm with his beanie hat and sunglasses but he didn't want to risk being recognised. Despite having hidden in a blacked-out car flanked with his new security detail the whole journey there, never leaving for fear of his cover getting blown, he still felt uneasy. His feelings turned out to be justified when a plump lady with grey, short hair came out of the bungalow next door and approached him with a wiggly run, waving her hand in the air and calling "Yoo-hoo!" in a sing-song voice. Great, had she recognised him? That was the last thing he needed, all he wanted was a private, no fuss chat with Jane so that he could get her to listen to his album. "Can I help you son?" What the fuck? Who was this? Jane's security detail? She looked as if she was well into her sixties, petite in stature but not in frame, wearing glasses that would put Elton John to shame, they were huge.

"Um..." Jensen cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, looking down at his white Converse high tops. He had tried so hard to blend in, maybe the hat and the sunglasses were a bit much. "...I was just going to visit...um...Jane?" The old woman placed a hand to her chest as if her short journey from her doorstep to the gravel path next door was a trek up Mount Everest.

"Och you've missed them son, they were here with the wee one last week, but Janey wasn't there." Who was the wee one?

"Oh, right...um..." I'm such an idiot, he thought to himself, thinking back on the heated phone call that Jane had with her mother while he sat behind the door listening, she talked about not being ready to come home! "...they-they're back home then?"

"Aye, back in Kilmarnock." The woman nodded, her puffy cheeks glowing a cherry red as beads of moisture formed all over her face. It was a rather warm July day, he had to admit, although he remembered that the heat in Scotland was nothing really compared to California.

"Cool, so..." Before he could ask her where exactly the house was, she was almost nose to nose with him, looking him up and down.

"Are ye from America?" She squinted up at him, shielding her eyes from the sun with her right hand.

"Y-yeah, yes ma'am I'm...California!"

"Aww, yer so polite you American boys! So how do ye know wee Janey then?" Jensen wasn't a stranger to nosy neighbours, where he grew up in Modesto his neighbourhood was small and everyone knew everyone which meant they also knew their business. He supposed that island life in Scotland was exactly the same as a poor street in California, a fish bowl!

"Jane and I met at a concert and...well we became friends pretty much instantly. I haven't seen her in almost a year, I just wanted to catch up." The woman nodded and gave him a knowing smile, as if he was something more than a friend.

"Am Mary, Mary Burns. Av been the Thomsons' neighbour fur...ooh...about twenty six years, ever since wee Janey was a baby, long before Eliza was even thought of!" She chuckled and looked off into the distance, as if she was remembering the past fondly. So Jane's surname was Thomson and she was twenty six? Good to know!

"Twenty six years huh? Wow, you must be pretty close to the...um...Thomson family huh?" Mary Burns nodded proudly with a wide smile.

"A went tae school with Monica, many moons ago!" Another chuckle escaped her lips, who was Monica? The mother? The more information she gave him, the easier it was going to be to track Jane down.

"Did you? That's awesome, and Jane? You knew her her whole life?"

"Aye, she's a lovely wee lassie, awfy quiet but...that girl can bake! Before they moved Janey was the star baker for all the raffles and jumble sales the Girl Guides organised. She was a Young Leader wi' the Rainbows and Brownies, Janey wiz so good wi' the wee girls but...she's no the same wee lassie that a remember!" Her happy expression turned sombre, "She wiz devastated when young Will McCall died." She shook her head sadly, looking out to the distance once again, "That wiz a tragedy, he wiz just a boy! They worked together, good pals, Will wiz a joker!" Mary Burns had a twinkle in her eye and her mouth curved up to one side, half a smile, reminiscing about Jane's friend, the one she had told him about when he was last here.

"I know, she...she told me. It is a tragedy, he sounded like a really nice kid!"

"Aye, he wiz! Janey stopped comin' over here after that, she used to bring him over during the holidays. A think this place just...wiz a reminder."

"I didn't know that...poor Jane! Well it was nice to meet you Ms Burns, I'm gonna go and catch up with her back in Ki...um...Ki..."

"Kilmarnock!" She gave him an odd look then, but he dazzled her with his smile and took her hand, placing a light kiss on it and leaving her on the gravel path to swoon. "Such a nice boy..." He heard her mumble behind him as he got in the car and started his search for Jane.

***

"JANEY SWEETHEART? POST!" Jane had showered and dressed this Wednesday morning in July, put on a little make-up and was feeling good about herself for a change when her mother shouted upstairs rather loudly. As she descended the stairs she could see Monica studying a brown Jiffy envelope, then shaking it. "Air mail!" She screwed her eyes and pushed her glasses back and forth on the bridge of her nose, obviously struggling with her new bifocals. Seeing Jane at the foot of the stairs, she shoved them back up, maybe too close to her eyes, and stuck out her hand, the envelope was for Jane. "Post for you Janey, from the USA!" Jane felt a little puzzled by this, she hadn't ordered anything off of eBay lately, and she didn't know anyone from the USA. She peeled it open and a CD fell out onto the carpet. Luckily it was still intact, as she bent down to pick it up but froze at the photo on the front cover...it was Jensen Reed!

"Mum this must be Eliza's, not mine!" She mumbled, as her mouth began to water the way it did when she was about to vomit.

"No, no it's yours. Jane Thomson!" Monica pointed to the name on the envelope. Jane marched into the hall and stood outside Eliza's door, Jensen's dulcet tones blaring inside as usual. Knocking rather forcefully she heard her sister protesting and her thudding footsteps approaching the door.

"What the fuck?" Eliza frowned, but seeing Jane her expression changed for some reason, with her neutral face she added quietly, "Oh it's you, what?"

"Hi, did you order a CD under my name for some reason?"

"No!" Eliza replied as if this was a terrible accusation.

"Have you ordered any CDs from America? Under any name?"

"No, what the fuck is this?" Jane took a step back and shoved the CD into the envelope as panic rose from her stomach right up to the top of her head, making her feel even more sick than she did a moment ago.

"Sorry Eliza, just a...some sort of mistake or...something!" She turned heel and scuffled off into the back room, taking the stairs two at a time she entered her own bedroom and closed the door softly. With her back pressed against it, she took in slow, deep breaths and brought the CD back out of the envelope, but this time a piece of paper came out with it:

Dear Jane, I wanted you to be the first person, besides my family and close friends, to listen to my debut solo album. If it wasn't for you...

Jane stopped reading as her legs gave way and she slumped to the floor. She couldn't read another word; how did he find her? How did he know where she lived? Were the police on their way? Standing back up, leaning on the wall for support, she opened her desk drawer and shoved the envelope and its contents inside and slammed it shut. She felt a panic attack rear its ugly head, but this time she couldn't stop it. Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes went dizzy and the room started to spin. She managed to make her way to the velux window and open it, taking in deep breaths, in and out...in and out, until the dizziness subsided and the tightness in her chest began to loosen. Her first panic attack in over a year, why couldn't she stop it? Hadn't she overcome that part of her anxiety? Why? Why, why, why???

***

It had been two weeks since Jensen sent his so far unreleased album to Jane, after finding her address through Eliza, in an unethical and illegal way, through the band's fan club. He thought that posting it was a less intrusive option, he didn't want to frighten or overwhelm her, but at least now he knew where she lived and that gave him comfort, to know where she was. He had also written her a letter with his private cell phone number on it, he even gave her his agent's address so that she could write back if she preferred, but so far nothing. Had she listened to it? Didn't she appreciate what creativity she brought out in him? He had been holding off releasing the album until he got her feedback, his new manager was growing impatient and wanted him to give her a release date. His new manager was Juliet, she was great, but without a product to promote there wasn't much managing going on. Jensen's solo music career was at a standstill and he couldn't tell anyone why, he hadn't told a soul about Jane, they shared a secret that he was happy to keep between just them. It made him feel closer to her, it gave him this bond that he desperately needed and wasn't getting from her with this radio silence. He would have thought that writing a song about her, even naming it Jane, that she would feel honoured or even flattered, but no. "Okay Jensy, we can't hold off any longer! You have to make a date for this album release!" Juliet had said to him that morning, so he did, he gave in and plucked a date from thin air. July 31st, on that day the whole world would hear his solo music.

Two days after Jensen dropped his debut album, This is Jensen Reed, it was number one on iTunes and the Billboard charts. His single, Lost Cause, was also at number one everywhere and the most downloaded song of the year so far. It was safe to say that his solo venture was a success so far, his sister was managing a chart-topping artist on her first job and she was killing it too. He couldn't have asked for a better manager, leaving her job in advertising had paid off. Once again Jensen's risk had paid off for everyone, just like it did when he first became an actor to support his mother and siblings. He should have been happy, he should have been celebrating his success, but Jane's silence cut him deeply and it was all he could think about. He watched his family and friends celebrate for him, his house full of people, music blaring and champagne flowing. He felt like he was on the outside looking in, even though it was his win, he just couldn't enjoy it, not without Jane's stamp of approval.

It had now been over a month since he contacted Jane, Jensen was getting ready for a solo tour and he was terrified. He was so used to having four other guys having his back, he was going to be all alone up on that stage and it was nerve wracking. For now he was doing the festival circuit, to get his bearings and to put his music out there and reach a wider audience. He decided to send tickets and backstage passes to Jane for a festival he was booked for in Edinburgh, four so that her whole family could go, even that vapid sister of hers, he would play nice just for Jane. Deep down all he wanted was to give that girl a piece of his mind, but she was a fan, he had to put on a mask and pretend to like her for the sake of his Scottish girl. When the Thomson family didn't turn up, Jensen took it hard, unable to tell anyone what was getting him down, he had so been looking forward to seeing Jane and meeting her parents. He thought about drinking his troubles away...but then he would think back to those ten days with Jane, how she helped him get through the last slip he had, how he had promised his loved ones that he would never do that again! How he promised himself that he would never feel that shame again, he would never fail again! Drinking was not an option, ever! Jensen was stronger than that, he was better than that, he had so much to live for. Taking even a sip of alcohol was an insult to Jane, it was undoing everything she had done, he wasn't ever drinking again!

With the festivals over and done with, he felt a bit better and a little more confident about going on tour by himself. He had sent letters to Jane, telling her all about his new experience as a solo artist but he never heard back. During the entire month of August, he thought about her a lot, that was the month she had taken him, it was an anniversary of sorts and he hoped that maybe she would reach out to him then. She didn't, by September he was growing more and more frustrated, what was it going to take to get her attention? His tour was coming up and his newfound confidence began to wane, all because Jane wouldn't get in touch. This all-consuming urge to talk to her again was taking over his life, this secret they had between them was no longer something he could handle and it truly was eating him up inside. Juliet was on his case, telling him that he was too distant during his interviews but his heart just wasn't in it. He had worked so hard on this album, he'd worked for so long to make it just perfect and although he was getting rave reviews from critics and fans alike, none of it mattered because she hadn't told him it was perfect...she hadn't given her stamp of approval and until she did...Jensen was trapped in a never-ending loop of despair, unable to explain his feelings to his mother or his sister or anyone for that matter. He just wished she would write back, or even text! As he sat in his large living room in amongst a pile of suitcases, getting ready for his big debut, he walked over to his desk drawer with purpose. He was going to write her one last letter, and if he didn't hear from her...then he would try another approach! He wasn't giving up just yet!

***

Since the second letter had arrived from Los Angeles, California Jane had taken to checking the post before anyone else. Her mother had become suspicious of her eldest daughter's new pen pal. So far, over the course of a month, Jane had received a total of nine letters from Jensen Reed. She had opened the first one after the padded envelope and read most of it:

Dear Jane, life is really busy here, I've been booked by a few festivals so that's cool. Some of which are in your neck of the woods. I hope you liked the album, I look forward to hearing your opinion, it would mean a lot to me. Anyway here's some tickets for the Holyrood Music Festival in Edinburgh, I really hope you'll be there, I miss...

Jane had crumpled the letter into a ball and shoved it in the drawer next to the CD, her heart was racing and her head was spinning. After that, they just kept coming and the more he wrote to her, the deeper she crawled back into her dark hole of despair. Couldn't he see what he was doing to her? Of course he could, this was his plan. He was going to drive her mad with guilt and remorse until she cracked! He was torturing her, he was getting his revenge for what she did to him, he was clever.

During the month of August, Jane's depression hit breaking point. Exactly one year since she took Jensen Reed and held him captive for ten whole days. Nobody could help her; nobody knew what she had done. Nobody knew what a monster she truly was...because only a monster could take a complete stranger and do what she did. Who had she been trying to fool? I'm not a monster, her mantra was a lie! Monica was worried sick about her, she could hear her discussing Jane's relapse with her father downstairs, "Should we try and contact Doctor Fisher? I think we should go private; I don't care how much it costs Ricky, there is something very wrong!"

"How are you going to get her to go? You know as well as I do, if Jane doesn't want to do something she won't. Monica you can't force her love!" Her father was right, Jane was a very stubborn girl, if she didn't want to do something then no one could make her do it. She wanted help though, she didn't want to feel like this anymore, the only problem was that no one could help her with this. In order to overcome this, she had to admit to what she had done, the whole saying it out loud part would become a reality and she wasn't ready for that. Jane didn't think she would ever be ready for that, admitting out loud what she had done would release the monster...the monster who lived inside the young woman who would never have taken another human being against their will and keep them chained up. Jane could hear her mother's footsteps ascending the stairs, followed by a soft knock on her door. "Janey sweetheart? Can I come in?" Not even waiting for her reply, Monica entered her room looking anxious. "Janey, darlin' I wish you'd get dressed and come downstairs. We can watch some telly together like we used to." Jane couldn't look at her mother, she just stared out the velux window as she felt her bed dip on one side, an indication that Monica was intending to stay a few minutes as she sat on it. "Janey I'm so worried about you, why won't you talk to me? Do you want me to phone Doctor Fisher? See if I can get you some appointments? I-I'll pay, I don't care, I just want..." She trailed off and Jane could hear her sniffing. She felt bad that this was making her mother cry, but she couldn't tell her what was causing it. She was all alone, with no one to talk to, not even Doctor Fisher. If she told her therapist what she had done, would she contact the police? Or was she like a priest? Did she have to keep all of Jane's secrets? It wasn't worth the risk, as long as Jensen Reed stopped writing then Jane would be okay eventually, she would get over this...it would just take some time.

Time wasn't on Jane's side, or so it seemed. When he wasn't sending her letters, which she had taken to shoving in the drawer unopened now, he was on the television performing songs from his solo album that he released a month before. Eliza had downloaded it, bought the hard copy and was blaring it in her room twenty four seven. Jane didn't want to tell her that she could have had a copy for free and that it was in her desk drawer, the desk drawer that she avoided now that it had become storage for everything Jensen Reed had sent her. Jane didn't want the reminder of their acquaintance, but it seemed to rear its ugly head on a daily basis, there was no escaping him. She deliberately drowned out any of his new music, she just didn't want to hear it. Eliza was quick to inform her that he had a song entitled Jane on this new album, she seemed irritated yet amused by this fact, while Jane felt mortified. What the hell was the song about? Did it give away what she had done to him? Was that how he was going to punish her? By telling the world in a song? She needed to know, and yet she couldn't bring herself to listen to it, even though she could just play it on her iPod or put on the CD he had sent her. Something was preventing her from facing it, she would rather hide under the covers and pretend it wasn't happening.

September was a particularly difficult month for Jane, Jensen Reed was going on tour and Eliza wouldn't shut up about it, she was begging Monica to get her tickets to see him at the SSE Hydro since she missed out on her previous opportunity. Thinking about the last time she was in Glasgow, at that particular venue, Jane felt sick. This was where it all began, the real nightmare not the one she thought was unbearable before, but the one where she'd let Jensen Reed into her life where he burrowed inside like a parasite and now she was completely consumed by him and the guilt of what she had done to him. Her goal that night was to eliminate him from her life, it did the opposite and now she was truly going mad! She now realised that she had it good before, this life she was living...it was hell on earth! Unable to escape from something that she had created herself, this was all her own doing! It had to end, there had to be a way to remove this disease that had infected her body and mind, some way that she could feel relief...be at peace.

Her peace would have to wait as Eliza was now on the warpath. Jane was public enemy number one again in her little sister's eyes because she was the reason that Eliza couldn't go and see Jensen Reed at the Hydro, or at least that was what their mother had told her. Monica claimed that because Jane didn't have a job, the family funds were limited and they couldn't afford to buy concert tickets at over £100. Eliza was understandably upset, this was the second time she was denied a chance to see her idol in the flesh, it was the second time that Jane was the obstacle in her path, only she didn't know about the first time and she never would if Jane had anything to do with it. Still determined to take her crime to the grave, she knew it was going to be very difficult, she could barely look at Eliza as it was since Jensen Reed had reared his pretty head again. Eliza had no problem looking at Jane though, the looks were enough to kill a person stone dead, and they were never ending. At the dinner table, at breakfast time, Eliza always had time to throw a scowl in Jane's direction, sometimes even muttering profanities like bitch or lazy fucking arsehole. Sometimes though, Jane's guilt and sadness would be overcome with anger too, if her sister was so determined to see Jensen, then why didn't she get a job herself? She could easily pick up a part-time one, after all she only went to college three days a week, what was stopping her? Why was everything Jane's fault? In this instance, it probably was, the Thomson family weren't rich by any means but they always had enough to get by. Jane's childhood was a happy one, she never wanted for anything, her mother was a District Nurse and Midwife and her father was a Postman, they weren't exactly living in the lap of luxury...but it was enough. Jane had no idea why their mother wouldn't get the tickets for Eliza, nor why she blamed it on her, but there must have been a reason that Monica didn't want her to go. Either way, Jane would be forever doomed to listen to Eliza go on and on about Jensen Reed, whether she went to the concert or not. She wasn't sure what was worse though, her rambling on about how amazing he was after seeing him live, or her weeping and wailing because she didn't get to go in the first place. The longer this whole thing went on, the more convinced Jane was that this was indeed her ultimate punishment, worse than jail!

***

Jensen's tour started off in the UK, he saw that as a sign, a sign that he was meant to see Jane. Juliet was amazing, she had a whole team behind him making sure he didn't get overwhelmed or feel pressured to do something drastic, she was still plagued by the fear that her little brother would try to take his own life again even though he had promised her that he wouldn't, it obviously still lingered in the back of her mind and he didn't blame her. The closer they got, the more Jensen understood how she was feeling, because if she ever did what he did, he would lose his mind, he loved her so much. Jensen had performed in London and Manchester so far, it had been completely weird without TJ, Kris, Bradley and Jonah but he was starting to get the hang of being solo. Doing the festival circuit was different, there were other bands and performers around him, he even bumped into his rival Dexter Maloney who was now the proud father of a son named Luke. Jensen still envied him and his idyllic life, but he hoped someday that that would be his life too...someday. His next stop was Glasgow, Juliet had booked a small handling company which concerned him at first but she explained that the smaller they were, the more discretion you could expect from them. Jensen trusted his big sis and went with whatever she had planned, after all she hadn't let him down yet.

Jensen's driver was rather big, if the driving gig didn't work out for him then he could definitely be a bouncer or bodyguard. He was friendly, and the accent...it put Jensen at ease hearing a Scottish accent again. On the way to the Hydro for the sound check and rehearsal, Jensen discovered that the driver's name was Ian and that he was almost thirty, lived alone and was married to the job. He was very chatty, Juliet talked away to him, as did Jensen. His mind drifted back to Jane, how he had desperately wanted to send her tickets for this show but somehow knew in his heart that she wouldn't show up. It had been too much sending the last ones, knowing Jane, and he really did know her, it probably sent her into a frenzy of panic. Jensen liked this Ian, he treated him like a human being rather than someone made of gold, maybe it was a Scottish thing not to pussy foot around a celebrity. Whatever it was, it made him feel human, it made him feel normal.

The entourage met them at the venue, Jensen's stage equipment was already being set up and Juliet was rushing around ordering everyone about...it was adorable. He loved having his big sister touring with him, it soothed him. God damn it here this guy was again, dark blond hair and piercing green eyes, Jensen had no clue who he was but he kept following him around everywhere. He always wore a shirt under a pastel coloured sweater with smart jeans and worker boots, Jensen had no idea what to make of him. At first he thought that he was Juliet's assistant but he followed Jensen around way too much, asking him if he wanted to talk about anything and just to come find him if he did. Here he was again, Sweater Boy was what Jensen had started calling him despite him introducing himself in London as Charlie Dean. He was American, sometimes wore glasses and carried a notepad and pen around with him hence the reason Jensen thought he was an assistant. "Afternoon Jensen, everything good with you today?" Charlie had greeted him backstage as he searched for his guitar, the first thing he looked for when he arrived at a venue.

"Yeah, peachy! Hey, anyone seen my..."

"Well, same rules apply. Anything you want to talk about, I'm always around, don't bottle it up!" Charlie chuckled and pushed his glasses up his nose with his middle finger, looking down at the ground with an awkward toothy smile.

"Well you could get me a banana milkshake...and some cookies, I'm starving!" Jensen mumbled a yes under his breath and fist pumped the air, he had found his guitar sitting undamaged among a pile of bags containing multiple cables. Charlie frowned, exhaled, and then nodded.

"Sure Jensen, I can make that happen for you. Just remember you're not alone, that's why they pay me the big bucks!" He laughed nervously and spun around, Jensen watched him walk away, he had a weird way of walking. Heck the guy was weird period! Releasing his beloved guitar from her box, he sat on the ground crossed legged and began to strum. Jane came into his mind again, he was doing two shows here in Glasgow as the one night had sold out in a matter of minutes. He planned to make the most of being back in Scotland, he had a mission and no one was going to stop him.

***

Jane normally loved October, it was the month of Halloween, which for her was better than Christmas. For the second year in a row she wasn't the least bit excited, Louise came round trying to get her to browse the shops with her for cool decorations, Jane collected Halloween decorations and it brought her a lot of joy but her heart was no longer in it. She could tell that Louise was finally about to give up on her, but she couldn't do anything about it, her heart wasn't in anything anymore. That Thursday morning, there was a knock at the door followed by Eliza's high pitched screech. Jane was used to her sister's overly dramatic reaction to Amazon parcels...or anything for that matter. Eliza was a drama queen most of the time. What surprised Jane though was the soft knock on her bedroom door a few minutes after the shriek of the banshee downstairs, then her door opened and a tall masculine figure stood in her doorway. Jane sat up, still wrapped in her duvet and dressed in her pyjamas as the figure spoke and that unmistakable, beautiful voice echoed around her room, "Hello Jane!"

***

Jensen got up early that morning despite being totally wiped from the show the night before, not to mention the fact that he had another one to perform in about twelve hours. He had something he needed to do, he had to try and do it without Juliet or Sweater Boy or anyone finding out. Ian, his driver, turned out to be very trustworthy passing it around Jensen's entourage that he was taking him to the Botanical Gardens followed by a wander round the Transport Museum and that it might take a few hours. Jensen was beginning to realise that this driver was worth his weight in gold as he drove him from Glasgow to Kilmarnock in just under thirty minutes, no questions asked.

Jensen stood on the doorstep of the semi-detached bungalow as his heart pounded so much that it reverberated in his ears, his throat and his limbs. He was shaking as he made a fist and knocked on the glass panelling of the door, he saw someone coming as he gulped several times and rubbed the palms of his hands down his jeans. The door flew open and the vapid sister appeared with a scowl on her face, but after seeing who was at the door she shrieked and almost perforated his ear drums. An older, plump woman with brown hair and big eyes like Jane came rushing up the hallway, upon seeing Jensen she shouted "What is going on? Who is it Eliza?" Eliza couldn't speak she just stood and stared at Jensen with her mouth gaping open. Jensen looked to the older woman, obviously Jane's mother, and spoke.

"Good morning ma'am, is Jane in please?" Jane's mother nodded, looking Jensen up and down as Eliza's breathing quickened and it was her turn to look him up and down as if he was an alien from outer space and not in fact Jensen Reed.

"Y-yes she's upstairs in her room. I'm sorry, who are you?" Jane's mother was about to interrogate him, it was time to turn on the charm.

"I'm over from the States on business but I don't have much time. I'd love to say hi, just for a minute. I've heard so much about you Mrs Thomson, Jane speaks so highly of you! I see where she gets her beautiful eyes!" Mrs Thomson pressed a hand to her chest and let out an oh sound, the sides of her mouth curved into a bashful smile and she stood aside to let Jensen in, shoving Eliza backward in the process who was still catching flies. She guided Jensen to the back of the house and pointed to a set of stairs.

"She's in the room straight ahead at the top of the stairs son, go on up!" It seemed like his charm had worked on Jane's mother as he flashed her one of his killer smiles and thanked her. Taking the steps two at a time, his heart was still racing, he had never been more scared in his life but he had to see her. Knocking on the door, he was so anxious he didn't even wait for an answer he just grabbed the handle and entered the room. A small bundle in the middle of a double bed caught his attention, her big blue eyes poked out of a duvet and made his heart skip a beat.

"Hello Jane!" He greeted her quietly, as she continued to stare at him with terror in those adorable eyes of hers. He couldn't help but smile when he saw her for the first time since...

"What are you doing here?" She whispered, leaping out of her messy bundle, wearing the cutest red tartan pyjamas. She stood at a distance from him, tugging on the sleeves of her pyjama top nervously as her arms dangled at her sides.

"Well you weren't answering any of my letters..."

"Why would I?"

"Um...I dunno, because it's polite?" Jensen tried very hard to supress the frustration over her blatant rejection. "Did you listen to my album?" She shook her head, looking down at the carpet and biting her lip. "I wanted your opinion, it's important to me!"

"My sister loves it." She mumbled, still looking down at the ground.

"Yeah I don't care what she thinks I...care about what you think!"

"How did you find me?" Yeah, tell her all about you breaking the Data Protection Act Jensen, go on! He cleared his throat and let out a small, nervous chuckle.

"I uh...I have ways! Jane I..."

"Why are you doing this? Why don't you just end it?"

"What?" End it? What was she talking about?

"This torture! You've had your revenge..."

"Jane...revenge? For what? I-I want you to see...I want to thank you!" Jensen heard footsteps ascending the stairs and turned around to see little Miss Vapid at the top looking shell shocked, instinctively he grabbed the bedroom door and swung it shut in her face, turning to Jane once again. "My album, it's a hit and that's all thanks to you! You are the reason I'm where I am today!" Still she wouldn't look at him, he wanted to grab her and give her a good shake, knock some sense into her. After everything they had been through together, after everything they had confided in each other, she wouldn't even give him the time of day! Did he mean so little to her? Was what she had said to him the last time he saw her true? Did she mean it? Jensen didn't want to believe that, he wasn't ready to give up and walk away...not by a long shot!

***

Jane leapt out of her cocoon, hardly believing her eyes as Jensen Reed stood in the doorway of her bedroom with a nervous smile on his pretty face. He looked good, he smelled even better, just like she remembered. "What are you doing here?"

"Well you weren't answering any of my letters..."

"Why would I?"

"Um...I dunno, because it's polite?" He sounded irritated, why was he irritated? "Did you listen to my album?" Jane bit her lip and shook her head, feeling guilty. Why did she feel guilty? It wasn't compulsory to listen to someone's music! He couldn't exactly have her arrested for it, not for that anyway! She had to admit it was rather unkind not to listen to something that he had sent to her, but then again why should she fall for his mind games? "I wanted your opinion, it's important to me!" Still unable to look at him, she gave him the only compliment she could regarding the subject matter.

"My sister loves it!"

"Yeah I don't care what she thinks I...care about what you think!" So he still didn't like Eliza? Poor girl, she didn't deserve his contempt but then again he was rather resentful of his fans...well the obsessive ones at least. Something finally hit Jane, he was standing in her home, not only did he send letters to her address but he had taken the trouble of physically rocking up on her doorstep!

"How did you find me?" She asked timidly while trying to avoid all eye contact.

"I uh...I have ways! Jane I..." He had ways, did he have contacts in the FBI or something? Was he spying on her? Why did he insist on toying with her, just call the police already and get it over with!

"Why are you doing this? Why don't you just end it?"

"What?" What a great actor he was, she almost believed the confused expression on his face, that Oscar was well deserved!

"This torture! You've had your revenge..."

"Jane...revenge? For what? I-I want you to see...I want to thank you!" Eliza appeared at the top of the stairs, eyes like saucers and uncharacteristically speechless as her idol stood in Jane's room. Jensen turned to see her standing there, clutching the door in his hand he slammed it shut in Eliza's face, poor girl, she didn't deserve that! "My album, it's a hit and that's all thanks to you! You are the reason I'm where I am today!"

"Well I'm very happy for you and I wish you all the best in the future, now please...stop!"

"You don't understand, what you did for me? I can't ever thank you enough! If it hadn't been for you, this album would never have happened!"

"Please just go away!" Jane screwed her eyes shut and felt hot tears escape as she whispered those four words over and over again as Jensen Reed continued to talk.

"Jane I've spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on therapy over the last ten years and nothing...nothing...has helped me the way you have!" Was this some kind of joke? "Those ten days with you did more for me than any of those therapy sessions ever did, Jane you saved me! You saved me!" Saved him? Why was he doing this? He'd had his pound of flesh, couldn't he see that she was a complete wreck? Was this not enough retribution for him?

"Please stop, please stop, please stop..." Jane repeated her chant, trying not to lose it completely.

"I can't stop thinking about you I...you're never far from my mind and...well the album is all about you Jane, everything is about you! I can talk to you; I've never been able to talk to anyone the way I do with you! You mean so much to me..." Jane looked at him then, astonished by his arrogance.

"If I hadn't abducted you, you would never have even looked twice at a girl like me!" She spat bitterly, girls like her didn't even get to stand next to guys like him never mind talk to them.

"That's not true..." He looked insulted by this, was it another act?

"Yes it is, you wouldn't have given someone like me the time of day under normal circumstances!" The hurt on his face seemed so real, but she wasn't going to fall for it. "You were scared, you had to be nice to me, you had to act the way you did! Fear makes us do things...fear makes us something we're not! I speak from experience!"

"Someone like you? What's that supposed to...Jane if that was true, then I wouldn't be standing here right now talking to you would I? Do you really believe I'm that shallow? Is this what you think of me?" Surely he couldn't be faking this? He looked devastated! No this was all part of his plan, he was getting his revenge and then some. "Somewhere, deep inside of you, you know that's not true Jane! You have to know that! After everything we told each other, after everything...you still think so little of me!" He sighed and shook his head sadly, "I...I gotta...go!" As he turned to go, she felt an ache in her chest, as if him leaving right now would leave everything unresolved. She had the overwhelming urge to apologise and maybe then he would finally leave her alone.

"Jensen?" She called his name, and as he turned back to face her, she felt her heart flutter as she looked into his beautiful blue eyes.

***

When she dismissed him and wished him all the best like he meant nothing, Jensen's anger was dangerously close to hitting boiling point, and when she started rambling on about girls like her and guys like him...well he saw red! He had no idea what she was talking about, in his eyes they were no different apart from the fact that he was famous and she wasn't. Was that what she meant? It had completely confused him. She looked so cute in her little PJs, but her words cut him to the bone, how could someone so adorable be so cruel? Belittling his feelings by telling him they meant nothing because he was scared, yes he was at the beginning but that soon passed. He didn't want to leave her, he had wanted to stay in that little bubble with her forever and never return to his old life. She had changed him, she had healed him...looking at her now, he only wished that he could return the favour but she wanted nothing to do with him. She couldn't wait to be rid of him, and that broke his heart. After everything, nothing had really changed, and that made him feel so sad. The bond he had felt was very much one sided, he could see that even now she was a terrified little bunny rabbit in the headlights of an enormous truck...and that enormous truck happened to be him. There was only one thing he could do...leave! "I...I gotta...go!" He finally turned to go when she suddenly called his name for the first time since the cottage, and oh how sweet it sounded coming from her voice.

"Jensen?" Her voice cracked a little as she said it, his heart pounding in his chest, he turned back around to face her with a glint of hope. Was she finally going to open up to him?

"Yes Jane?" Her dark blue eyes burned into his for the first time and she spoke with a shaky voice.

"I'm sorry! I truly am so, so sorry for what I did and I bitterly regret it!" Jensen smiled sadly and looked down at the carpet, hands firmly in his jeans pockets. Eventually he looked up and again their eyes connected, softly he replied.

"I'm not...and I don't!" Turning away from her for the final time was like a knife to his heart. He wanted to stay, to talk this through but he had no time, such was the life of a chart-topping musician. As he stood with his back to her, on the top step, he quietly added, "Goodbye Jane!" and descended the stairs with the weight of the world placed back onto his shoulders. What had meant the world to him, was a bitter regret to her...and that hurt more than anything he'd ever experienced in his entire life.

⏮️Previous/Next⏭️

#YouAreTheReason #writeblr #writerblr #writing #writing community #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #wattpad #story #story telling #tw mental health issues

0 notes

curry-and-casteliacones · 2 years

Text

Team: "Mess with Sana and that will be the last mistake of your life"

#this is my first time drawing guzma like actually and i feel like i should have put more effort into it #but oh well i guess ill improve over time #practice makes perfect #also i love these two so much #they both have a prickly exterior but are really good people #and cherry may be more willing to show that side of her than guzma is but overall i still find them pretty similar #pokemon #pokemon fanart #guzma #oc: cherry #total eclipse of the heart #also this piece is just kind of a mess in general but i did it pretty quickly #pokemon oc #also WOW cherry is so short we love her #like i know i put her at 5 feet and i guess guzma is like at least 6 ft so like thats at least A FOOT of height difference but still #and i never draw things correctly in my art she will probably always be too tall or too short #also thank you so much to that one person who not only gave me an answer on guzmas official eye color but ALSO gave me a great headcanon #that i was allowed to use and ALSO ALSO gave me a preemptive answer on kukuis eye color like you are a life saver

6 notes · View notes

f3itansgirlygirl · 4 years

Text

drivers license - suna rintarou

part 2 right here

inspired by the song driver's license

his house is right there, right in front of me.

sitting in the car biting my lip holding back the sob that threatened to escape, how did it become like this? how did i end up sitting in here alone while you went off with her? that was supposed to be me, you said you would wait?

suna rintarou

a beautiful boy, his smile never failed to warm your heart. the way he would hold you in his arms, pout when you weren't paying attention, brush your hair behind your ear, the way he would kiss you and buy you your favorite drinks or take you to that little park you loved so much as you guys watched the sunset and fell in love all over again.

then how did it get like this?

----------------------------------------------------------------

“hi my name is l/n y/n and i'm your new manager!,” you introduced yourself. was a first year at inarizaki and needed to get into a club, atsumu decided to introduce you to the coach and give in a few words.

looking around the team you felt a nice presence, and that's when your eyes landed on his, those green piercing eyes. having his knees to his chest laughing at atsumu for trying to punch him for showing him something on his phone.

the way his laugh died down but kept a smile as he looked at you.

you blushed but became distracted as kita called you over.

“thank you guys for accepting me have a good night!,” you said grabbing your bag and leaving. “wait up i’ll walk with you,” you heard a voice behind you say. you turned to hear the voice and it belonged to him.

you guys walked under the stars, you shivered forgetting a jacket and that's when he looked at you and smirked. “the old jacket technique huh let me guess you want me to take mine’s off and give it to you,”

you gasped and looked right at him, “no i actually forgot you weirdo whatever i guess i'll walk faster,” you said speeding up. “wait i’m just teasing here i have a hoodie it’s my sleeping in class hoodie so better not ruin it.”

you took it hesitantly but put it on either way, it was big and burgundy and my god the scent you can still remember to this day how good he smelled like. “looks good on you maybe i’ll let you keep it,” he said as you guys continued to walk.

that was your first interaction, your first words to each other and one of the many nights you guys have come to spend together

---------------------------------------------------------------

everything else came easily, even though having a age gap it didn’t stop your feelings whatsoever, and also never stopped him from showing affection.

you still remember your first kiss

how he kissed you by surpised on the slide of a old park where you guys sneaked out to get ice cream.

still remember how he started bringing extra hoodies and hair ties since you had a habit of forgetting both.

still remember that night under the stars in the backseat of his car when he looked at you and told you he was in love with you.

you teared up staring at him as he giggled softly caressing your face, holding your waist even more closer to his chest as your bodies connected.

“i love you rintarou,” you smiled crying softly.

he looked at you rubbing your tears away, “and i love you y/n l/n,”

--------------------------------------------------------------

how it was such a good 6 months. looking back you should have seen the way you guys would only hang out around the night or weekdays.

how he wouldn't hold your hand in school or only be affection around the team.

and how you guys weren't exactly official, never asked you officially to be his but hey because of the memories spent together you thought of course your his and he’s yours.

you first saw her when she came through the doors, holding his notebook as she apologized but nevertheless gave him a smile and he gave one back. she was pretty- like really pretty.

pretty blue eyes, blonde long hair, beautiful body.

“so this is what overthinking feels like huh,” you mumbled as you shook your head and went back to setting the net up.

after practice you and suna as always walked home

you guys decided to take a detour heading to your park where many memories were made.

“hey rin,” you asked as you looked over the river that was by the bridge. “yes love?,” he replied. “what are we?,” you asked him.

please say im yours...

“well your younger than me, i want you to be mines and you already are, always and forever sooo how about this,” he turned to look at you and bent down so his head was right at yours. “when you become a 2nd year and get your driver's license we can officially be together yeah? i'll get down on one knee and ask you to be mine,” he rolled his eyes as you giggled.

he stuck out his pinkie and you stuck out yours. “you’ll wait for me?,” you said.

he wrapped his pinkie around yours, “always, make sure you just don't crash don't want you dying before your mine but yes i promise i will wait for you l/n,” suna smiled grabbing you and pulling you in for a kiss.

-------------------------------------------------------------

finals came up and yes you and suna got distant due to you studying, yet you weren't nervous you were excited to finally walk down the halls holding his hand.

looking back you should have seen the signs of him not texting you often or wanting to help you, you shrugged it off maybe he was struggling in some classes too.

finally the day was here, texting osamu all morning about how you would pick them up for school so you can show off to suna.

laughing driving up to school with the twins, you got out the car and seeing suna’s back against one of the walls

you were about to call out for him until you saw her again. this time she was wearing the burgundy hoodie, and he was the one holding her hand. he was smiling? the smile he gave you specifically to you he was giving to her.

tears filled your eyes.

“y/n chan.. i’m-” , “its okay atsumu just get to class okay?,” you turned around hand shaking as you hold your keys, tears spilling down your eyes. “i'm going to be okay,” you smiled. “no, you’re crying,”

“i said i’m okay, i’m just going to leave,” you said running to your car and getting the fuck outta there.

leaving you saw atsumu go up to suna and scream at him.

your heart felt like it was being pulled, this can’t be real?

you headed home, slamming your door and falling to the ground, how could you rin?

flashes of him and her passed your mind seeing how happy he was.

you looked underneath and saw a photo on the ground. your grabbed it and sat on your bed, it was you and him in a photobooth smiling and then kissing. underneath in his handwriting he wrote “my love always and forever,”

you felt like throwing up, so this is what heartbreak feels like.

you were hurt mad even at the fact that before anything was able to happen it was already ruined. you cried yourself to sleep wanting to ignore the pain/

---------------------------------------------------------

you woke up around 9 p.m, you were confused but remembered all that happened today

“so that wasn't a horrible dream?,” you tried to laugh it out but really couldn’t.

you needed fresh air, you changed into sweatpants and a baggy shirt.

going for a drive blasting music, you didn’t know where you were going but you just needed to feel the air flowing past you. you stopped at the red light, everything was getting blurry tears now leaving as you hit the steering wheel.

you kept driving and ending up parking in this neighborhood, being very familiar but automatically knowing where you ended up. you looked to your right and saw his house.

you were about to get off trying to get closure you said, needing answers still trying to doubt everything and thinking maybe this was a horrible joke from the twins and him but then you got all the closure you needed. seeing as the door opened revealing the girl coming out.

your heart dropped seeing how happy they were and dare you say actually look good together. he smiled down at her and grabbed her for a kiss.

you gasped as a heart wrenching sob escaped your lips, she walked away as he never took his eyes off her figure.

that was me.

he then looked turning his head and made eye contact with you, you just silently laughed as you shook your head at him and turned on the car leaving. “y/n wait!,” you heard him say as you left.

you headed to the small park and sat in the slide looking up as you laid down and finally let everything out. “never knew your waiting was just a short trial did i have to pay for millions of hours?,” you cried as you looked up in the sky seeing your memories replay in your head

‘Cause how could I ever love someone else’ And I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one

And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me 'Cause you said forever now I drive alone past your street’

your phone dinged as you look who texted you

suna rin: y/n we need to talk... suna rin: please, i am so so sorry just hear me out. suna rin: i really did wait i just, please let's just meet up.

you texted back

“im really happy for you suna, goodbye rintarou.”

you then deleted his contact as you took a deep breathe and sat up.

“i still see your face

In the white cars”

you grabbed your head, “was i not good enough?,”

“We crossed I still hear your voice In the traffic We're laughing”

flash back

“you know i think we're meant to be,” suna said from your bed as you were on your laptop finishing some things. “wow such a hopeless romantic,” you smiled at him as you were putting back your earphones. “just maybe right person wrong time,” he said softly. you looked back at him, “i'm sorry did you say something,” you asked him. he just shook his head, “nothing i was just saying your a nerd,” he said as he threw a pillow at your face. “you know what,” you got up and jumped on top of him both laughing.

flashback over

‘God, I'm so blue Know we're through But I still fucking love you, babe’

you finally realized what he said, right person wrong timing

you looked up at the cherry blossom tree and softly smiled

“your right suna we really were meant to be just right person, wrong time.”

i guess not every love story is meant to be complete.

the end.

#suna #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintaro x you #suna rintarō #inarizaki #heartbreak #haikyuu!!#haikyuu #angst #suna rintarou #suna rintaro hcs #suna rintarou x reader #haikyu x reader #atsumu #miya twins #x reader #sad #romance

2K notes · View notes

americasass91 · 3 years

Text

The Shield and the Sweater

Hello lovelies! This little fic came to me when the lovely, beautiful, talented @stargazingfangirl18 asked a very important question on her blog. Would you rather be enemies to lovers with Steve Rogers or friends with benefits with Ransom Drysdale. Well my greedy ass wanted both. Thus the birth of this story. I also turned it around a little to make it fit into Siri’s 5k Soft Dark Challenge! I’ve never written anything dark before. Also not sure if this classifies as soft!dark or if it’s more dark. But it’s one of those! If that makes you uncomfortable, then please don’t read it. This is also my first time writing a threesome, so let me know if it sucks! I hope you enjoy it! 😘

General prompts:

8)The town golden boy isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

Dialogue prompts:

3)”Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

11)”I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

Rating: Explicit(if you’re under 18, please leave)

Words: 6.2k(this one got away from me, sorry)

Warnings: soft!dark/dark themes, unprotected sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, threesome(M/M/F), manipulation, language, model!Ransom being an asshole, Steve not being who you think he is

“And I really think if everyone pitches in to make these changes, it’ll really make a difference in the long run.”

Wow, so this is how you were going to die. In your whole 20 something years of existence, you never thought boredom would be your cause of death.

Sure, you were the lead Accountant at Stark Tower and these monthly meetings were mandatory. But did you really have to be here to listen to Rogers go on and on about how we can ‘improve our working environment’? Why did he even care anyway? He was barely ever here as it is.

You must have been zoning out worse than you thought because next thing you know your coworker, Janet, is poking you in the side and pointing towards Steve.

With a quick glare sent her way, you move your gaze to the Captain. He is giving you the same look he always does. Like he’s disgusted with you. “I’m sorry Miss Y/L/N. Am I boring you?”

A scoff escapes your mouth. “No, not at all Captain Rogers. I just love when people who are never here seem to always have an opinion on how things are run and how they could be better.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Do you have a problem with me, Y/N? Cause if you do, I’m sure there’s a way to solve that.”

You stand up and match his expression. You lean forward with your hands resting on the table. You can’t help but notice the Captain drops his gaze to your cleavage that’s now on more display than before. But just as quick as it was there, his gaze rises back up to meet your face. “Is that a threat, Captain Rogers?”

“Oh, it’s more than a-“

Tony quickly stands up and claps his hands together. “Okay! Meeting adjourned! You two, come here!”

You quickly straighten yourself up and make your way over to Tony. You always try to make sure you show him as much respect as you can. He’s your boss after all.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. My emotions got the better of me. It won’t happen again.”

He nods to you. “Thank you, Y/N. I accept your apology. But what I’m not understanding is why Steve here wanted to fire you?”

You both turn to look at Steve who has a sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, sorry about that, Tony. She just seems to bring out this ugly side of me. I’ll try to keep it more contained next time.” He then moves his gaze to you. “Sorry, Y/N. I promise to be more professional moving forward.”

He makes a quick exit, leaving you shocked that he apologized at all. Ever since you started here almost a year ago now, you’ve been at each other’s throats. It was your fault really.

It was your first week and you were in the break room grabbing some coffee when you overheard a few of your coworkers making fun of Steve for being a virgin. Now, you weren’t sure if it was true but you wanted to fit in so you made your way over to the group and asked if anyone calls him Captain Virgin. That earned you some big laughs. But the laughter died down quickly as Steve entered the room to grab some coffee. Judging by the glare he gave you, he heard what you had called him.

You went straight to Tony after that to apologize. You really didn’t want to get fired. But you wanted to make sure Tony heard the story from you before Steve got the chance to talk to him. To your utter surprise, Tony found the name hilarious and gave you a high five, saying you were going to fit right in.

Well long story short, it’s almost a year later and Steve is still getting called Captain Virgin. Oh but don’t worry, he has names of his own for you. His favorite is Tony’s Pet. For some reason, it really eats at you when he calls you that.

But the one thing you hate the most about Steve?

Is how utterly, hopelessly, and desperately attracted you are to the son of a bitch.

That happened in your second week when you went to use the complimentary gym and saw him beating the shit out of some poor punching bag. Your panties and your workout were definitely ruined after that.

The more you fought with Steve, the more you just wanted him to bend you over any surface and have his way with you.

It was despicable how horny you were for him. You were pretty sure all he’d have to do is snap his fingers and point to the floor in front of him and you’d happily drop to your knees and take him down your throat.

So that left you leaving work every day in a horny state. You started by taking care of it yourself when you got home. But after a while even that wasn’t cutting it. Then you started bringing home one night stands. But after the 4th disappointing non-orgasm, you gave up and just learned to live with it.

Sure, you could attempt to start being nice to Steve and maybe ask him out. But you were pretty sure he hated you. Plus you have way too much pride to actually do that.

So that leads to now. It’s Friday night and your workday is almost over. You’re inputting the last few numbers from the last expense report in your pile.

You get the last number put in when Janet approaches you. She sits on the corner of your desk. “So, you coming tonight?”

You take your glasses off and lean back in your chair, stretching your arms over your head. “Coming where?”

She rolls her eyes at you. “Oh, come on Y/N! You know we go out almost every Friday night. You never come and you always say you will!”

You start to clear off your desk and put things back in their place. “Yeah well I could. Or I could go home and sit on my ass and do nothing.”

“Well, that explains why it’s looking a bit bigger lately.”

Janet’s jaw drops as she directs her gaze at Steve, who is now standing in front of your desk.

You smirk and lean on your elbows towards him. “You like looking at my ass, Rogers?”

He scoffs. “Well when it takes up that much space, it’s hard not to notice. But here, I came to give you this.”

He hands you what looks to be a 10 page expense report. “Sorry it’s late, I’ve been busy, you know. Saving the world.”

You ungraciously take it from him and throw it in your to-do pile. “That can wait until Monday. I’ve got plans. We’re going to-” you look towards Janet for clarification. “Lavo.” You turn your gaze back to Steve. “Yeah, we’re going to Lavo. So this will wait til Monday if that’s okay with you, sir.”

Steve does his best to move his bag and jacket subtly towards the front of his pants so you won’t notice his growing hard-on. He hates how turned on he gets when you guys get into it. And then you call him sir? Jesus. He clears his throat. “Of course, I'm the one who turned it in at the last minute.”

Janet speaks up quickly. “You could always come with us! It’ll be fun!”

You grin widely at him. “Yeah! You could finally get your cherry popped, Captain Virgin.”

Steve can’t help the blush that covers his cheeks. “Uh, I can assure you my cherry has been popped since the 40’s. But thank you for your concern. And thank you for the invite, Janet. But i think I’ll stay in tonight.” He takes out his phone and sends a quick text before turning around and walking towards the elevators.

Wow. He didn’t even try to retaliate. You shrug your shoulders and grab your purse before standing up. “Alright, I’ll go! But on one condition!”

Janet claps her hands in excitement and starts walking with you towards the elevators. “Sure, anything!”

You press the button for the lobby. “You are going to be my wingwoman. Cause this girl definitely needs to get laid.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Lavo is super packed by the time you guys arrive. Of course you all had to go home and change.

You decided to go with a simple, yet effective, little black dress that showed off just enough to get men’s attention.

Thankfully you are able to score the last table. The waiter comes over and gets everyone’s drink order. You decide to stick with your favorite. You don’t want to get too drunk on the off chance you find someone to take home.

About a half hour into hot office gossip, Lucy, who is sitting across from you, taps your arm. You raise your eyebrows in question towards her.

She subtly nods her head towards the bar. “Okay I’m pretty sure the hottest guy I have ever seen is checking you out.”

You can’t help the smirk that crosses your face. “Yeah? Which one?”

“You can’t miss him. He’s fucking hot. Like no comparison to any of the other dudes sitting up there.”

You glance down at your drink and quickly finish the remainder. You stand up and adjust your dress, pushing up your breasts in the process. “Well, then I guess it’s time for a refill.” You wink and turn to make your way towards the bar.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. And boy was Lucy not kidding. He was fucking hot. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a smug smirk that would normally turn you off. But on him it worked. And who even looks that good in a fucking cream colored cable knit?

You go up to the bar, not too close to Mr. Hottie of course, and patiently wait for the bartender.

Hottie McHothot not so subtly moves his gaze up and down your body. He must like what he sees. “Hey honey, have you ever raised chickens?”

Uh. That’s definitely not the first thing you expected to come out of his mouth. You look over at him with confusion on your face. “Uh, no. Why do you ask?”

He just shrugs his shoulders. “Just kinda figured you might. Cause you sure can raise a cock.”

Okay, you’ve definitely never heard that line before. You crack up. You’re pretty sure you even snorted on accident. Once you collect yourself you ask, “Has that line ever worked for you?”

The bartender makes his way over to take your order. After reordering what you had before, you turn towards Hottie and wait for his answer.

“Not sure, my buddy told it to me yesterday so this is the first time I’m using it. Did it work?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know. It was pretty cheesy.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it got you to laugh. So I’d say mission accomplished. Name’s Ransom. What’s yours, pretty girl?” He holds out his hand for you to shake.

Ransom. Now where have you heard that name before? You accept his hand shake. You can’t help but notice how much bigger his hands are than yours. Jesus. You could already feel your panties getting wet.

“My name’s Y/N. Ransom, that sounds familiar. Do I know you?”

He releases your hand and goes to take a sip of his bourbon. “Well, I guess that depends. Do you read magazines or have you seen the side of the city bus lately?”

You quickly wrack your brain. You don’t read many magazines. But the bus drives by you everyday on your walk to work. Holy shit! That’s it! He’s in his underwear on the side of the bus. You’ve drooled over that picture plenty of times.

“Oh, yeah! I remember now! I’ve seen you on the bus! What’s it an ad for? I can never really get past the almost naked man. A bit distracting on my way to work.”

He smirks as he briefly glances down at your breasts. “I’m glad you know my work. It’s an ad for Calvin Klein. For their new line of men’s briefs. Sorry I’ve been a distraction.” He sends you a wink.

Fuck. He was a model. And a popular one at that if he’s in an ad for Calvin Klein.

“I didn’t say I minded. You can make it up to me you know.” You wink back. Holy shit. Were you really flirting with a model?

“Yeah? Well, how about we get out of here and I’ll show you a fully naked man.”

Okay. Cheesy line number 2. Was that really going to work on you?

Yes.

Yes it was.

“Let me just go grab my purse.”

Drink forgotten, you go back to your table as quickly as you can without looking desperate. “Sorry, girls. But this is where I leave you.”

Janet glances down at her phone. “We haven’t even been here an hour yet! Where are you going?”

You send her a wink. “I’m leaving with that guy! You guys know him! Remember that ad on the side of the bus?”

They all turn their gaze to him. And they all make it very obvious. He just waves and sends them a smirk.

“Holy fucking shit! That’s the new Calvin Klein guy! Oh my god you lucky bitch!”

“Wait! Listen. We’ll let you go on one condition.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Okay?”

Janet gives you a naughty smirk. “On Monday I’ll need a report on if they had to stuff his briefs to get that delicious looking bulge or not.”

You give her a naughty smirk of your own. “I can totally do that.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Monday morning you were all smiles as you stepped off the elevator and headed towards your desk. You give Janet a wink as you pass by her. She quickly makes her way over just as you sit down. “Um, excuse me hoe. But is that the same dress you were wearing Friday night?”

You quickly grab the cardigan you always keep in your desk out and put it on and button it up, attempting to look a little more professional. “Maybe.”

Janet opens her mouth in shock. “You stayed the whole weekend with him? You little slut! How was it?”

You turn on your computer and grab for the expense report of Steve’s you left in your to-do pile. Then you turn towards your nosy coworker. “Well, if you must know, yes. I did stay the whole weekend with him. And I’m pretty sure I was in an orgasm-induced coma the whole time. It’s all kind of a rough, sticky, mind-blowing blur.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

You shrug your shoulders as you put in your login information on the computer. “I haven’t decided yet. While the sex was the best I’ve ever had, he’s kind of an ass. Talked about himself and all the famous people he’s hooked up with since becoming a model. I honestly kept initiating sex just to make him shut up.”

She gives you a look like you’re stupid. “I’m not seeing the issue here. So what if he talks about himself a lot? The sex was amazing. You need to lock that down girl.”

You roll your eyes at her. “That’s the thing, Janet. He doesn’t do relationships. He told me so multiple times. Plus I’m pretty sure he was texting another chick in between our ‘sessions’. I suppose if I’m desperate, I’ll get a hold of him.”

“You know you could always just have him on backup for sex. Like a friends with benefits situation.”

“Janet, I’m in my late 20s. I’m too old for that kind of relationship.”

“Exactly, you’re in your late 20s! This is the perfect time for that kind of relationship before you settle down and get married! Have one last final hoorah!”

“I can’t have this conversation before caffeine. I’m going to get coffee. You act like I’m dying soon or something.” You turn to walk away but then remember you were supposed to tell her something. “Oh yeah and by the way. The bulge is definitely not stuffed.”

You give her a wink and then head to the break room for some much needed coffee. When you see who’s in there, you almost contemplate going downstairs to a different break room.

Steve is standing at the counter, preparing his coffee. He turns when he hears you come in and gives you a once over. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

You grab a mug out of the cabinet beside him. “Sorry my appearance isn’t up to your standards today, Rogers. I was a little...busy this weekend.”

He takes a sip of his coffee to make sure it’s right. Then he moves out of your way so you can get to the coffee, but still staying close. “Busy getting run over by a truck? Cause that’s kind of what you look like.”

You pour yourself a generous amount of coffee and take a long sip, letting the bitter liquid slowly make you human. “Yeah, well. I was busy getting fucked all weekend, Rogers. But I know your little innocent mind wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

That wipes the stupid little smirk right off his face. He almost looks pissed. He moves even closer to you. Almost pressing himself right up against you. So close that you can smell his coffee-scented breath. If you were wearing panties, they’d be ruined.

“Not all of us feel the need to sleep around. Some of us are looking for a real connection. Not just a one night stand of meaningless, mediocre sex.”

You press yourself just a little closer to him, his chest now touching yours. “Oh, it was anything but mediocre. Maybe if you actually got some, you’d know what that feels like.”

He leans his head down until his mouth is next to your ear, his left hand now resting on your hip. “You really need to stop insinuating that I’m a virgin sweetheart. If you were nicer to me, I’d show you that I know how to fuck.” With that he backs up and heads out of the break room.

You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Jesus Christ. You swear you almost came.

And if you were nicer to him? Fuck him. He’s not nice to you either. That’s okay. You have someone who can scratch this itch.

You pull out your phone and send a quick text.

To: Fuckboi

You busy tonight? I could really use a release.

The reply came almost immediately.

From: Fuckboi

Didn’t get enough of my cock this weekend huh? I suppose I could make myself available.

You roll your eyes and quickly reply with your address and what time to be over.

The rest of the day passes by slowly. It takes you half the day to enter Steve’s expense report. God he’s descriptive. At least it’s completed. You can’t really say that much for the other Avengers. They usually half assed them and made them barely acceptable.

You are shutting down for the day when Steve approaches your desk. You remove your glasses and look at him expectantly. “Is there something I can help you with, Steve?”

A blush creeps it’s way across his cheeks. “Um, I was actually just wondering if you had time to go over the new expense report forms? They should be a lot easier to fill out.”

You glance down at the clock on your computer. Ransom is going to be at your place in about 20 minutes.“Can we do it tomorrow? I have company that’ll be showing up at my apartment in like 20 minutes.”

His hopeful smile falls. His face is now unreadable. “Would your company happen to be whoever you spent the weekend with?”

Confused, you grab for your purse after getting your computer shut down. “Actually, yes. Should I have asked your permission first?” You attempt a joke to ease the sudden tension.

He pulls out his phone and starts typing furiously. Wow. You weren’t aware he knew how to text. You hear it ping with a reply before he angrily puts it back in his pocket. “Sure, we can do this tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of your whoreing around.”

Your jaw drops in surprise. Sure you guys were always throwing jabs at each other. But he’d never said anything like this before. And in such a mean tone.

You round your desk and stand right in front of him. “Fuck you, Steve.”

You hurry towards the elevators before he can see the tears that have welled up. You couldn’t let him know he had that power over you. Asshole. Thank god Ransom was coming over. Hopefully he could fuck what Steve just said right out of your head.

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

You’ve lost count of how many orgasms Ransom has pulled from you with his mouth when there’s a knock on your door.

Ransom looks up at you from his kneeling position on your living room floor. “Did you invite someone else to join us, pretty girl?”

You scoff and push him away so you can stand up. You pull your dress down as you make your way towards the door. “Yeah. I can barely handle just you. I’m pretty sure if we added someone else, I’d actually die.”

You open the door and gasp in surprise. “Steve? What are you doing here?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Look, I know you probably already have company but I felt really bad about what I said to you earlier today and wanted to apologize.”

You have so many questions. “How did you know where I lived?”

That sheepish smile makes its appearance again. “I may or may not have looked in your employee file.”

You shake your head. “And you felt the need to come all the way here and apologize? Why not just text me?”

“It would only have felt right to me to do it in person. I really am sor-”

You feel a pair of arms wrap around you from behind. “Well, who do we have here? Why is Captain America at your door?”

You turn your head to address Ransom. “He just came by to apologize to me. I think he was just leaving.”

Steve has a disappointed look on his face. “Yeah, I suppose I was.”

“Awe, what a shame. I thought you were gonna ask him to join us, pretty girl.”

Steve’s eyes grow wide at the thought. You quickly speak up. “No, I don’t think he’d be comfortable with that. He’s a little old fashioned.” You give him a sincere smile. You didn't think that was a bad thing.

Steve looks back towards the elevators and then back to you. He clears his throat. “What if I wanted to join you?” Seeing your wide eyed look, he quickly adds, “Only if Y/N would be comfortable with that of course.”

You contemplate what the consequences could be in your head. But then you get distracted when Ransom starts grinding his hard on against your ass. “Come on, pretty girl. Make a decision.”

The next word comes out of your mouth faster than what your brain can process. “Okay.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Now you were standing awkwardly in your bedroom with Steve and Ransom looking at you expectantly.

You’ve never done this before so you’re not sure how this is supposed to go. “So, um. How do we start exactly?”

Ransom smirks and comes up behind you. “I think you should call the shots, pretty girl. If you’re okay with that, Steve?”

With the mention of his name, he walks towards you and places his hands on your hips. “I think that’s a great idea. Can I kiss you now?” He places his hand under your chin and raises your face up to meet his. “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” With that, his lips meet yours. It’s explosive. You quickly wrap your hands around his neck and press yourself up against him.

You get so lost in the kiss, you forget that Ransom is there. That is until he presses his lips against your neck and presses himself against your ass. It presses you even further against Steve, making you feel his excitement against your lower belly.

You’re so overwhelmed already and you’d barely started. You may not survive this evening.

As you move your hands down to remove Steve’s shirt, Ransom is unzipping your dress, pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin.

Without breaking the kiss, Steve moves his hands around to unhook your bra so he can get his hands on your breasts. He pinches your nipples, causing you to moan into his mouth. He moves his lips to your neck, sucking on your pulse point.

After successfully removing your dress, Ransom stands back up and turns your head to connect your lips. He starts rutting his clothed hard on against your naked ass. His left hand reaches around to bat one of Steve’s away so he can squeeze your breast.

Steve takes the hand that had been swatted away and moves it down to your soaking wet core. He starts lightly circling your clit. Just enough pressure to make you mewl.

You reach behind you with your left hand and tug at the waistband of Ransom’s briefs. “Off.” You moan out as you take your right hand and start attempting to take off Steve’s jeans. He smirks into your neck and helps you out. He barely gets them unbuttoned and unzipped before you’re reaching your hand into them and his boxers to grab his cock. It feels big.

Ransom grabs your left hand and places it on his now free cock. You wrap your hand around it and give it a squeeze before you start pumping your hand up and down. You do the same to Steve’s, making the both of them let out grunts against both sides of your neck. Steve increases the pressure on your clit a little. Still not enough.

“Nee-need, you. Please.” You weakly moan out. Ransom moves his mouth up to your ear. “How do you want us, pretty girl?”

You reluctantly pull away from both of them so you can think. You decide to be greedy. You point to Steve. “I want you to lay on the bed, please.”

He does as you ask. Putting his hands behind his head as he awaits further instructions.

You get on the bed and straddle him. You turn around and reach your arm out for Ransom. “Want you behind me.” You lean over and open your bedside drawer to grab the lube and toss it at Ransom. He smirks as he straddles Steve’s legs and gets behind you. He uncaps the lube and starts coating his cock with a generous amount. “Need my cock in that ass, pretty girl?”

You hold up your hand. “Wait.” You lean down towards Steve and give him a quick kiss. “Are you okay with this?”

He nods his head. “As long as you are.” You raise back up and smile at him. You turn your head and look at Ransom. “I’m assuming you're okay with this?”

He just smirks and squeezes some lube out so that it slides down the crack of your ass. “More than okay, pretty girl. Need me to stretch you out first?”

You smirk and pull him in for a quick, filthy kiss. “I think it got plenty stretched out this weekend.”

He matches your smirk. “You little slut. Wanting both of our cocks stuffing you full.”

You whimper as he lands a smack on your ass. Leaning up on your knees, you grab a hold of Steve’s cock and start running his tip up and down your folds. He places his left hand on your right hip and his right hand on your left thigh. “Condom?”

You quickly shake your head and pause your actions. “On the pill. Unless of course you’d be more comfortable with one.”

He shakes his head. “No, just making sure.”

You turn back to Ransom. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you.”

He nods and places his hands on your shoulders, waiting somewhat patiently.

You slowly sink down on Steve’s cock. He’s stretching you out so deliciously. It burns in just the right way. Ransom may be longer, but Steve is definitely thicker.

After you get fully seated on him, you take a minute to adjust. It only takes a few seconds. You turn your head towards Ransom. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He removes his right hand from your shoulder and grabs the base of his cock and starts pressing against the tight ring of muscle. He’d been in there a lot over the weekend. But it was still a tight fit regardless. He doesn’t go as slow and sheaths himself to the hilt, causing you to moan out in slight pain and pleasure.

Holy fuck. You feel so full. You think you might die. That is until Ransom removes his cock until just the tip remains and then forcefully thrust back in, causing you to grind on Steve’s dick.

Steve grunts out from the movement and starts thrusting up into you the best he can from his position. Ransom wraps his left arm around you and continues his thrusts, not letting up his pace. You don’t even really have to move, the both of them doing it for you. They somehow find the perfect rhythm. Each of them pulling out and pushing in at the same time. One of your hands is behind you, resting on the back of Ransom’s head while the other is resting on Steve’s chest.

Steve sits up suddenly and pulls you in for a kiss. “Like being stuffed with both of our cocks, pretty girl?” You hear from behind you. “Yes. So good. So full. Gonna cum.”

Ransom removes his arm from around you and reaches down and starts circling your clit. “Do it. Cum all over us. Make a mess.”

Steve can feel you squeezing him. “Please, sweetheart. Need to feel you cum on my cock. You’re gripping me so good.”

You explode. You clamp your eyes shut, seeing stars behind your eyelids. You let the both of them fuck you through it.

Ransom’s hips stutter. The fluttering around his cock is too good. He cums with a shout of your name, filling up your ass to the brim. He gives you a few more thrusts before he pulls out and collapses beside you two.

Steve’s been patient while you come down from your high. He lays back down, pulling you with him so that your chest to chest. He bends his knees and grabs onto your hips. “You ready, sweetheart?” You raise up, both of your hands on each side of his head. You give him a nod.

That’s all he needs. He starts fucking you, hard and fast, chasing his release. He can feel it building. He just needs to feel you come undone around him again. He moves one of his hands and starts circling your clit with his thumb. “Need you to cum for me again, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “Can’t. Too much.”

Ransom sits up beside you. “I know what she needs.” He reaches over with his left hand and wraps it around your throat, squeezing gently.

It makes you clench down on Steve’s cock. “Yeah? That all you needed, sweetheart? A hand wrapped around your pretty throat? I know you like it. Can feel you squeezing me.” He picks up his pace. The only sounds that can be heard are his grunts, your breathy monas, and skin slapping against skin.

It doesn’t take long for your orgasm to hit you. This one is somehow even more intense than the last.

You must’ve blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing you know, you’re waking up in between Steve and Ransom.

Steve smiles down at you. “There she is. We lost you for a second, sweetheart.”

You feel drunk. You smile goofily up at him. “Did you cum?”

Just as you ask that, you can feel his release seeping out of your overused cunt. Then you feel cum leaking out of your ass. You hide your face behind your hands in embarrassment. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ransom removes one hand while Steve removes the other. “Nuh uh uh. No hiding allowed, pretty girl. I have no regrets.” He looks at Steve. “Do you?”

Steve smiles down at you and leans down to press a soft kiss against your lips. “None from me. You tired, sweetheart?”

You let out a big yawn and nod your head, slowly closing your eyes. “Get some rest, pretty girl.” That’s the last thing you hear before sleep takes you.

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

You wake up sometime in the early morning, stretching out your sore limbs. You know you have a dumb smile on your face. But you can’t help but notice your empty bed.

You sit up and hiss at the deliciously sore feeling between your legs. You grab your robe and slip it on. You can smell coffee coming from the kitchen. You giddily make your way out of the room and down the hallway. They both barely just come into view, still unaware you’re there, when you hear Steve speak.

“I thought you were going to be an asshole to her? Make her see I’m not that bad.”

You hear Ransom next. “I was an asshole to her. I’m sorry I dicked her down so good that she wanted more.”

Steve scoffs. “I never gave you the okay to fuck her!”

“You also didn’t tell me it was off limits. Look you got what you wanted right?”

“No, actually I didn’t. I didn’t pay you so we could have a threesome together.”

What the fuck? Steve paid Ransom to help him get in your pants?

“Ok, how about this? I’ll give you all of your money back if I can fuck her one more time before I go? Then we’ll be squared away.”

Steve seems to be conflicted. “Fine! But this is the last time Ransom. I have to get to work anyway. After this, she’s mine. And make sure she’s not late for work herself.”

Before you have time to react, Steve rounds the corner and sees you standing there. He has a deer caught in headlights look. Ransom comes up beside him and sees you. “Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

You slowly start backing up towards your bedroom. Steve moves towards you, stopping once you put your hands up. “Stay away from me! Both of you! I want nothing to do with either of you!”

Ransom moves past Steve and grabs onto your arms. “Oh, please. You’d fuck us again if we wanted. Wouldn’t you?”

You spit in his face. “Fuck you, Hugh.”

He gets a sinister look on his face. “Wrong move, pretty girl.” He looks toward Steve. “Don’t worry, I’ll fuck the brat out of her. You better tell her boss she won’t be in today.”

Your eyes go wide at his words. You start thrashing against him, trying your best to get away. Steve has had enough. He comes over and yanks you away from him and presses you against the wall. “You better calm down, sweetheart. I’ll treat you like a princess if you can be my good girl. Can you do that?”

You shake your head. “Why would you think I’d want anything to do with you after finding out you paid someone to help get into my pants?”

He gives you an evil smirk. “Because if you don’t, I’ll just have to release the tape of last night on the internet. Let everyone see how much of a slut you actually are.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re bluffing.”

He smirks and turns his head towards Ransom. “Show her.”

Ransom gets his phone out of his pocket and swipes at the screen for a second before turning it in your direction.

Holy shit. They weren’t bluffing. There you were, getting fucked by the both of them. That would ruin you if it got out. Not only would you get fired, but your parents would probably disown you. You’d never have a normal relationship again. You’re fucked. Even more than you were last night. How had you not noticed they were recording it?

Ransom must have read your mind. “I set my phone up while you were busy with Steve’s fingers on your cunt and his tongue down your throat. I think you need to ask her again Steve.”

Steve grabs your chin and moves your gaze onto his face. “I’ll ask you again. Are you going to be my good girl? Let Ransom fuck you one more time and then it’ll just be me and you?”

You drop your gaze to the floor. You feel a tear run down your cheek as you whisper out, “I’ll be your good girl.”

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18 @drabblewithfrannybarnes�� @harrysthiccthighss @lllols @patzammit @quxxnxfhxll

Steve Taglist: @donutloverxo

#captain america #dark!steve rogers/reader #dark!steve rogers smut #model!ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale smut #siris5ksoftdarkchallenge #this sweater wearing menace #shield throwing daddy #steve rogers smut #steve rogers #chris evans #chris evans smut #steve rogers x reader

576 notes · View notes