#also fatigue be like brrrr

[creepycatboyz]

Omgomg can you do more ship art of Toby and Eyeless Jack?

im uhh so normal about them hehehehhehe... might do some small doodles with them to relax my hands a lil

[moni-spoons]

chronically ill ppl: how am I supposed to know when to push through the pain and fatigue and when to rest? How am I supposed to exercise and clean my apartment to help my depression when doing so makes my back hurt and could send me into a flare up for 3 days? How am I supposed to weigh all the pros and cons of my every action when the fatigue is giving me brain fog? How tf am I supposed to does this?

[sadster69]

Hello, hii

I um, I like your Mountain design!

Do you have some kind of head cannons for him?

Hello dear! Thank you 😘

I can show you some headcannons I have 🌟

Some of Mountain HC I have and managed to write

• Gentle giant

• Protective of his pack

• Even if he doesn't talk about it, he WILL kill for his pack or Papa

• His voice is rarely heard due to disuse (before the incident)

• Pretty quiet because of the one horrific incident, he doesn't wanna talk about it, because it still hurts him even after years later when someone asks or he remembers it himself out of no where

• Sometimes has panic attacks because of it

• Murder ghouls HC go brrrr

• When he gets a task to make some siblings dissapear, no one will ever find them since.

• During "Hunters moon" has the maximum aggression out of all ghouls, but don't attack his pack and papa

• Also, during "Hunters moon" dissapears into the ministrys nearby forest, right from sunrise to the dawn

• When he comes back, he covered in blood and looking quite pleased

• And when he is back in his room, he sleeps for a while

• His sleep is that much deep that a full ass emergency siren in his ear will not make him wake up

• When he is in the gardens, he could just dissapear in it and no one will find him, unless he wanted to be found or have no intention to hide

• And yes, his greenhouses, he adore them that much, that he maybe overuses his magic to the point of exhaustion and heavy fatigue

• Have a very strong bond to the ministry garden grounds, with that being said, he could feel everything that grows, but if it will be hurt (grass torn, not cut/something on fire ext), he will be hurt too

• Speaking about that, everyone in the ministry was prohibited to enter the gardens with something flammable, because of the consequences of the horrific incident

• Didn't spoke aloud after it since

• Uses his magic to invade into someone's mind to speak to them

• Was very dangerous in the pit, before he was summoned

• First who he spoke to after his summoning was Pebble and Ivy, then he met Terra

• First few months he spoke only to them

That's it for now dear! Hope you'll like them💥

[dark-elf-writes]

Oooo I really like foxy Naruto in this AU and it works so well too!

Whenever humans are in danger they tend to fall back on more “primitive” instincts. The old parts of the brain, like the amygdala which is involved in the fear response, are far more animalistic than comparatively newer regions like the cerebral cortex. These regions would also be highly active in the time loop scenario considering it is a life or death situation. This might lead to a very intense fight or flight instinct where all non vital fictions are essentially put on hold. But what’s more is that the body would also pull on all the instincts it has that would help ensure survive.

These instincts may involve an increase in muscle tension, heightened alertness, and faster decision making. Sometimes, they may even show up in the form of “hysterical strength” where people preform a feat of great physical strength they usually would not be able to. This isn’t some superpower where muscles suddenly gain more strength when they’re needed, but a result of adrenaline numbing the pain and fatigue that comes with going past those muscles limits in an extreme way.

But for Naruto who has access to far more internal resources than an average human, or even an average shinobi, it’s likely his body would be able to pull on even more instincts to protect itself. So instead of just tensing muscles and increasing blood flow, his body may increase chakra circulation too which I imagine would be akin to a powerful energy boost. And with his chakra and mind essentially intertwined with Kurama’s….it could be theoretically possible that some of Kurama’s instincts become his own if they weren’t already.

So along with his own toned down version of fox habits, he might also pick up on the ones of an ancient being of chakra and power. Especially if the line between them kinda blurs when Naruto is using his tailed forms.

In conclusion, lizard brain goes brrrr and Naruto’s fox instincts go grrrrr

Neither of them even notice it for a few loops. They’re far too busy trying to survive to worry about any weird habits they’re picking up. Hell, Naruto wasn’t even the first one to resort to biting as in loop seven one of the sound Shinobi decided they wanted to get a bit too interested in the Byakugan and with his hands otherwise occupied Negi resorted to taking a finger off the old fashioned way.

(He’s not sure he could ever eat a carrot again.)

It isn’t until one of the quiet moments, tucked away in their camp with Naruto pressed close to his side that they notice.

Sasuke, sans curse mark this time and more than a little angry at having been saved by Naruto of all people, mutters under his breath, and Naruto growls.

Not the grumbling huff of an adult. Not the play sounds of a child. Deep rumbling and wild like a beast has walked into their camp. If Neji didn’t feel it rumble against him where they were pressed together he would have thought it was an animal.

When he turns, Naruto’s bared teeth (bigger than what they had been. Fangs made for ripping and tearing flesh) flash in the weak light of the moon.

Something is changing in his… in Naruto and Neji, frankly, is glad.

[suzannahnatters]

2023 was the year I disappeared down the Asian Drama Sinkhole. This year I found myself struggling with persistent fatigue that made it hard to read books, and absolutely vital to spend large amounts of time just resting and recuperating. Before 2023, in my whole life, I'd watched 3 dramas from start to end. In 2023 I consumed over 25. And I had so much fun that I've found it very difficult to interest myself in watching anything else.

I'm content with this use of my time because it's been a wonderful way to work on my long-form storytelling skills - time spent watching stuff as an author is never totally wasted. But the West makes television too, and I've spent my whole life being completely indifferent to it. All year I've been asking myself why I find Asian drama SO addictive and SO much fun compared with Western TV, which so often feels disappointing or a chore. After some thought, I've boiled it down to five basic reasons.

Structure. Asian dramas may vary in length anywhere from 10 to 70 episodes, but the vast majority of them have a discrete, self-contained story to tell. You get one season of a show, and once it's over, the story is complete. My biggest peeve with Western TV has always been the insistence on dragging a story out over multiple seasons of declining quality. The story never wraps up in a satisfying way; it just gets flogged to death. In recent years Western TV has compounded the problem by cancelling shows before their original story arc is even complete. With Asian drama, you don't have to worry about that. At least you always know you'll be getting a complete story.

Standalones. Related is the fact that Asian drama has resisted the urge to create vast IP story worlds like Star Wars or Marvel. This doesn't mean their storytelling isn't derivative - just that instead of trying to tell new stories with old characters, they're more likely to tell the same stories with new characters, which I honestly think is a more natural and creative way to do it. In an age of endless IPs, reboots, remakes, and retellings, Asian drama is making hundreds of new and unconnected stories. While many of these are adaptations of webtoons and novels, of course, to a Western newcomer the sense of novelty and variety is absolutely intoxicating.

Settings. Asian drama focuses on Asian affairs, history, and folklore. Western TV focuses on American affairs and sometimes English history; whenever it ventures beyond these limited interests it usually stereotypes them. It's not that Asian drama doesn't also have these pitfalls, but the part of me that wants to learn about the world beyond the English-speaking bits goes brrrr when it sees an Asian drama. I've long adored some limited examples of the wuxia genre in Chinese film, but now on top of that, I'm also getting Chinese xianxia and Korean sageuk and Thai romantic comedies and all the happy learning parts of my brain are lit up like a Christmas tree.

Relationships and Characters. Asian drama has a big, swoony, unapologetic focus on romance. Not all kdrama/cdrama relationships work for me, of course - wanting to stab the male lead is an occupational hazard - but Asian drama is interested in romance at a level that simply doesn't seem to exist anymore in Western media. Related to this is an emphasis on relationships of every sort - romantic, familial, platonic - and detailed, lovable character work to support them. My best guess for why Western media falls short in this area is that for decades it has been sacrificed on the altar of Joseph Campbell's Hero's Journey, which sees romance and relationships as an obstacle to the hero which must be shed in order for him to achieve his goal. I'm deeply happy to have found a whole part of the world that chose to disregard this fatheaded notion.

Content. Naturally I must preface this by saying that many Asian countries do contain content that is VERY BAD and potentially triggering. Ageism, classism, lookism and sexism are all deeply engrained into Asian drama to the point that if one day I conceive a violent disgust for them this will probably be why. But that's a topic for another day. Where this benefits me, personally, is that Asian dramas don't usually push the envelope when it comes to explicit content. While the presence of such content doesn't rule out a watch for me, it does make it stressful. I just want to relax when I'm watching TV, and I don't find pervasive language, sex, or gore to be relaxing. When Western shows get an MA15+ rating, they usually go all in with that stuff, but Asian drama doesn't seem to have that urge. Explicit violence HAS kept me from watching some highly acclaimed dramas (MOVING is one example) but the vast majority of them, even when they do contain limited amounts of gore or language that get them higher ratings on Western platforms, usually keep such things brief. They are generally demure sexually, and you'll almost always find sexuality being expressed within the context of marriage (even when it's premarital) which is something that as a Christian I do find restful. Again: this is all happening within a cultural framework that ALSO contains disgusting and triggering stuff, even in the better dramas. Personally, I can stomach the insidious stuff a lot better than I can take the in-your-face explicitness of Western TV, and I'm particularly grateful for the blend of demure sexuality with a strong focus on romance: it's taught me a huge amount about creating romantic tension that goes beyond sexual tension. So there are my five completely honest and personal reasons why I've found Asian dramas to be so fun and restorative this year! One day I might write a post on the things I DON'T like about Asian dramas - but I am lazy, and I am still having fun and finding out what I do or don't like, so maybe that can wait for next year. In the meantime, feel free to hit me up for recs!

[quietbluejay]

The Path of Heaven 4

what a line

and they are, all of them, building the future imperium by their actions

so the Khan is now investigating Dark Glass it's…oddly familiar uh oh

so Jaghatai went into the palace basement on earth

brrrr "anyways, the question won't be answered, it's time for me to fight"\ "like i always have" the spookiness of this place is dialing up

Chronic Fatigue: The Series

...yeah owo

even in a world with no grace, there can still be righteousness "when nothing we do matters, all that matters is what we do" how existentialist ohhh boy im pretty sure i know what this means

this is about using magnus as a throne battery isn't it owo? betrayal by veil??

oh it's this story again, how many times has it repeated okay he's talking about the human webway project and veil is against it because it'd mean the navigators would be useless

let us ponder it

it's a proto-Golden Throne!

oh boy lmaooo oops! all daemons! rip EC dude that was not according to keikaku ah the kakophoni are becoming Twiceborn and it seems like the daemons are going to be in the drivers seats

yeah the golden throne kind of sucks

im going to cry from yesugei's last moments

(he also told arvida to hold on) arvida: i guess defiance really is the only thing left though i don't think it'll do anything…. arvida: yesugei???

so like the opposite of soulmates? aaaaaa ;-;

;-; also hey wait isn't that a direct lotr quote jaghatai wants to fight oh hey echoes of the crimson fist but flipped

...

see what i mean? arvida: your destiny is on Terra

Mortarion auditioning for the role of Darth Vader. I love when he does dramatic stuff like this, it's incredible

ow that hurts because he's right torghun's "atonement" is being used up over and over again until he dies here

jaghatai: it's easy to yolo and run into battle but to run away from it to an uncertain fate where you don't even know if you'll be able to do any good, that's the worst

lmao

aw i'm glad cario died without being warped or possessed ah lovely daemons breaking in

you know what, i think, in a lot of ways, this has been the most quintessentially....gahh the term is escaping me

oooo jaghatai vs keeper of secrets sdfhskdlfhsd JAGHATAI STRANGLES A DAEMON and back to morty and eidolon eidolon: what a great victory! mortarion: i'm kinkshaming you

tactical victory strategic defeat

also, again, thinking about imperial fists and death guard as foils

there had to be a better way

next time is finishing it up!

[skipps-writes-for-gojo-satoru]

More nsfw brainrot? okay! but also fluff cause i can't help it! how about Gojo and his s/o in a shower but this time Gojo being the subby one and his s/o praising him and *loving on him* meanwhile Gojo is melting, relishing every moment with the only person that remained by his side *cue those convos we been having hahah* trough such an intimate and passionate moment. I leave the rest of details to u ~rambling anon lol

Brrrr woof woof sub!gojo sounds delicious 🤤 plus giving him tons of love YES YES I'm vibin for this ❤💜💙 I'm slowly crawling out of grave guys..!

After a long tiring day of work, why not treat yourselves with a nice bath. Of course, Gojo wants to have one with you. He's not taking no for an answer.

You best believe your shared apartment has a huge bathroom with a big bathtub. It could fit five people. A window overlooking the beautiful night life Tokyo.

Gojo will hastily pull you along to the bathroom, stripping his work clothes and taking off his blindfold to wink at you. As you catch yourself staring at his sculptured like muscles. You turn in embarrassment before slowly unbuttoning your work clothes.

"Want me to help?～"

"N-No, stop staring at me like that!"

After you've both taken all of your clothes off Gojo drags you to the shower. While waiting for the bathtub to fill up. You both take turns washing each other's bodies. Both your hands lingering a little longer on certain places.

You even offered to wash his hair, telling him to bend down so you could reach his head. His hair soft to the touch and silky, runs right through your fingers.

You nearly faint at the sight of Gojo pushing his wet hair back. The man knows how to get you all hot.

After taking a shower, you both settle into the bathtub. Gojo insisting for you to sit in front of him so he could wrap his arms around you, bringing you to lay against his chest. Gojo sighs as his head rests against the crook of your neck, relishing in your sweet scent.

You close both close your eyes, words did not need to be spoken when you are both so close to each other. Gojo could feel all of his stress and fatigue melting away as he places a chaste kiss to your neck incting a giggle from your lips.

NSFW BELOW 18+ ONLY

After relishing in each other's body, you turn around to straddle Gojo. A momentary surprise in Gojo's eyes. A light blush dusting his cheeks either from the heat or from you.

You lean forward, placing both your hands on his cheeks slolwy using your thumbs to caress the soft skin of his face. His glossy plump, his long white eyelashes, his crystalline eyes and a fading scar on the left side of his eyebrow. You trace them all and place a loving kiss towards each part. "You're beautiful..." you whisper as your lips are now brushing against each other.

Closing the gap between your lips, you feel the warm of his mouth on yours both your tongues tracing one another. Gojo placing both his hands on your waist to pull you closer. Your arms automatically wrapping around his neck. Your bodies getting warming by the second.

As you pull away, you don't waste a second licking and sucking on Gojo's neck. A light moan escaping his lips as he tilts his head to the side to give you more access. His hands now wandering lower towards your ass, groping and fondling them. "I'm so lucky to have you..." you whisper against his skin before adjusting your sitting position.

You eye his long erected cock underneath the water. Gently placing your hands on his thighs, massaging his aching muscles. Soon your hand grabs his cock, slowly stroking it. Gojo couldn't help but let his eyes flutter shut. You continue your ministration until your hear a soft whine leaving his lips in which you smile in response to.

"(Y/N)..."

Using your free hand you gently trace the muscles of his chest before, rubbing his nipple between your fingers. Gojo fully leans back holding your waist to pull you closer but you refuse to move as another whine leaving his lips.

As Gojo's cheeks grow warmer you couldn't help but enjoy this slightly open mouth his eyes beautifully shut. You adjust your sitting position until his cock his lined your hole. Gojo groans feeling his cock slowing sliding into your tight hole. While you bite your lip in pain, lowering yourself down until he was fully sheathed within you.

After a few seconds of silence Gojo looks at you worried but you meet his eyes while a smile on your face. Slowly lifting your hips up and down, placing your hands on his shoulders to brace yourself better.

Gojo let's out a moan as you begin to increase your speed. The water in the tub sloshing out but neither of you cared. Your lips meet his, your chest pressed against his as moans escaping your lips. Gojo holds your waist helping you move both you getting lost to the heat.

It wasn't long until you feel your insides clenching. "A-Ah, I'm going to cum..!" "M-Me too..." With a long breathy moan you both reached your high. His cock spilling his warm seed into you as your walls hug him tight.

You lean into press a chaste kiss to his lips, smiling as your eyes meet his.

"I love you, Satoru..."

Taglist: @the-fandoms-georgie @crapimahuman @annie-acadia @iwanttobefuckedbysatorugojo @spicyyren @asmaeackerman1 @clearlynotellie @your-waifuuuuu @dokiwoki @armiihhh

[nafeary]

“Just Shut Up.”

⚬ Pairing: Yukimura Sanada/Reader

⚬ Characters: Yukimura, Reader

⚬ Word Count: 1.2k

⚬ Genre: Fluff, a tad bit of Angst

⚬ Warnings: Tiny description of a bruise

⚬ Event: 500 Follower Milestone Celebration [Requests Closed]

✧✎ Prompt: Requested by @juminly

2. “I was supposed to confess first!”

✧✎ A/N: Attempt #2 at writing flash fiction—failed. I’m hopeless brrrr. Anyway, my dearest penguin mum, I hope you enjoy our prickly tsundere. Everyone, please take care, eat, drink water, take your meds, and sleep 💜💜💜 I’m sorry this took so long

“You’re too cold,” he claimed as he positioned his head a little above your lap. Despite the harsh voice, his tawny orbs sought for permission before following through with his intention. “Give me your hands. You’re so clumsy, you’d end up getting sick if someone isn’t there to keep you warm.”

The last you saw of his handsome face was the crimson tint his cheeks harboured—mirroring your own flushed ones. It was short-lived, however, as he turned away from you with a heated huff.

You two had found yourselves in a tranquil meadow, away from prying eyes, and you were leaning against a tree, bathing in the dimming light of the sun. Sunset cast a golden glow as it peeked around branches and leaves, reflecting off of dewy drops. As it was wonted to be, bickering had found its way into the conversation, yet it quieted down once you took notice of the merchant‘s fatigue—but your head was full of noise.

It hadn’t taken long for his breathing to steady, his body much too exhausted to disregard this opportunity. And yet, his hands tightly clasped yours, sharing their warmth with you as though you were trapped within a fortress of cashmere blankets. You managed to sneak one hand out, lightly brushing it through his chestnut strands.

“And you’re too warm, Yuki. You don’t even seem to realize that at times.”

You hadn’t meant for these words to tumble past your lips; however, the maelstrom of your mind had different intentions. Your eyes widened for a split second, making sure that the addressed man was still tightly asleep. Relief washed over you in waves, bringing your free hand to your heart, only to feel it bellowing within your chest.

It’s not that you didn’t mean what you had said—there was so much more enveloped by your heart, begging to come free in the hopes that these feelings might find reciprocation. But you couldn’t just confess to Yukimura... it wasn’t that easy. You’d frequently burnt the midnight oil the last few weeks, weighing the pros and cons. It was either living in puzzlement, dense fog making you uncertain of anything and everything, and regretting the missed opportunities, or risking the exposure of your heart’s conquest while also risking its prosperity.

But... there shouldn’t be any menace if he cannot hear you speak, because you were certain of one thing: you couldn’t keep your thoughts to yourself anymore.

“Everything about you is warm. Most people would probably say that you tend to act cold, but the underlying intentions... they only reflect the sun itself,” you began your confession. Despite your initial anxiousness, you weren’t as afraid as you’d anticipated. In contrast, you could almost feel your heart pumping as steady as the ocean tides.

“You just have to know how to decipher your prickly words, and one would realise just how pure your intentions are.”

Never before had words flown out of your mouth this easily, any restrictions and insecurity lending them wings.

“When I’m around you, my heart loses control. My head spins and I feel fluttery, like it's full of butterflies. You make me feel... invincible—all my fears, all my anxiousness just vanishes when I’m at your side. You make me feel like I belong.”

How would he react, were he to acknowledge these feelings? Would he laugh it off, concluding it to be a jest? Would he pull you close, telling you to stop being so needy, with his cherry lips brushing your ear?

Would he... would he reject you?

“There are so many things I love about you, from your tactlessness to your awkward self-expressing. I—“ you stopped your rambling, taking note of something rather frightening.

Yukimura’s ears were red. So red they could easily rival even a blooming field of roses. He couldn’t possibly be awake?

He couldn’t be.

Adrenaline still holding you upright but the hidden anxiousness returning and settling in your mind, you rested your hand against his silken tresses once more, feeling him twitch against you. “Yuki... you’re awake, aren’t you?”

You felt him inhale. Once. Then twice. Perhaps, he was simply dreaming, an embarrassing occurrence responsible for the red rushing to his ears? Oh, why couldn’t you just shut up for once?

That’s what you theorised, at least. But he proved you wrong, swiftly raising his head as if he were a cat doused in water. Miscalculating his momentum, however, he hit your chin, making the back of your head collide with the tree’s bark.

You both groaned in pain, Yukimura holding the crown of his chestnut mop while you rubbed at the spot that hit the wood you were leaning against. But in spite of that, bubbly giggles erupted. Yuki first looked at you with perplexity, yet he soon joined your laughter. “You’re such a strange woman,” he said with a slight smile, settling across from you.

You stilled, applying pressure to the pulsing pain. “I’m the strange one? You’re the one that unapologetically hit me.”

“It was an accident!” he exclaimed, the furious blush returning once again. “Besides, it’s because you—“

He stopped himself from continuing, reminding you that he must have heard your confession—at least a part of it. You wished you could simply peek into his mind. Yuki merely continued to stare at you incredulously, his irises minuscule and his mouth slightly agape. About to nervously wring your fingers together, you noticed that your other hand was still tightly held by his.

“I’m... did you hear what I just said—“ A crack in your voice halted your timorous stutters. You didn’t even notice that you’d started play with the fabric of your obi when Yukimura pulled your hand towards his kneeling form, enfolding it just like your other one within his hands, chasing away the cold fronts that had started to pour upon you.

Maybe it was because Yuki didn’t immediately turn sour or attempt to disparage your sentiments. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he blinked at you, but it didn’t matter. When it came down to it, he never failed to carefully pick his words.

Perchance your trust in him was foolish, but your trepidation ceased regardless.

“Dummy,” he muttered with a slight pout before averting his gaze, “I was supposed to confess first!”

“Huh?”

“You heard me!” he shouted a bit more forcefully, lifting his face to meet yours.

“So what if I told you that I want to be together with you?” Butterflies erupted in your stomach, fluttering around, creating a sensation that could only be described as extreme exhilaration.

“I’d tell you that I want the same thing,” he admitted, his tone deepening, and the amber in your cheeks sparked with surprise. “In case you didn’t catch it the first time... I—I like you, too.”

Mirroring his earlier actions, now you were the one staring at him, absolutely flabbergasted.

“Why aren’t you saying anything? Is it that shocking that I like you?” Your slight nod prompted him to let out a sigh, bringing your bonded hands just in front of his heart. “Do you feel this? I knew you were difficult, but stop looking like a fish and just accept this.”

With the gentle tang of pine in the air, you wriggled a hand out of his tight embrace to set it on his shoulder, burying your face against his warm neck. His heart was still beating just as furiously as yours, and you nuzzled deeper into his locks of chestnut.

You felt a soothing pat at the back of your head, another arm coming around your back. “I’m sorry I hurt you earlier.”

“You should be.” In contrast to your words, your smile was no more menacing than the butterflies within yourself.

Tag List of the most wonderful sweethearts (just message me if you’d like to be added or removed): @juminly @kisara-16 @sweetlittlemouse @thesirenwashere @nad-zeta @delicateikemenmemes

[kweenofkonfusion]

Ha ha brains go brrrr.....

Okay so I just had a random crack thought at like 12am midnight cause I’m a sleep deprived gremlin... 

What if dreams are just like the product of your brain twitching while you sleep?

...ok it sounds weird when I put it like that bUT HEAR ME OUT!!!! 

So we know the brain is just a like a muscle right? And for a lot of people when you work out and fatigue a muscle it gets really tired and sore and it doesn’t work properly and usually tends to twitch a little right??? So we know that we essentially “work out” our brain all day constantly since it basically is responsible for controlling our everything, and we know that when our brains get tired we get tired and sore and usually don’t work properly. BUT we don’t really know if our brains twitch right?? cause we can’t see them! So what if when we fall asleep dreams our caused by our brains twitching from fatigue and unintentionally firing off our synapses in random intervals and activating like, core memories from throughout the day, random short term memories that get dumped right after they’re remembered, and random formative moments from our lives!!!! which is why dreams tend to be weird jumbles of new and old information mashed together into a hodgepodge of madness!!! AND!!! And since we know memories tend to me interconnected into a web with other. similar memories, that would explain both why dreams tend to make sense while we’re having them and why a random memory from that day might get mixed with a similar memory from the past!!! cause our brains work on both logical and emotional connections!!! So a memory from today that is similar to a memory from three years ago might might emotionally make sense when put together may seem more logical to a sleep deprived and tired brain, since the memories are simliar they can go together, and since they are similar emotionally that makes the bond between them stronger, making the connection between them in the dream seem more realistic than in would when you’re awake!!! This would also account for and allow for the theories of ‘dreams being a way to recount and organize the memories of the day’ and ‘dreams are a side product of the brain trying to rest and recuperate after the day’ to exist and even be incorporated into each other and this little theory!!!! 

*insert crazed cackling here*

whooo I needed to get that little thought bunny out of my head, I’ll probably cringe at this later but whatever  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  this is y’all’s problem now 

byeeeee~   ☆ﾟ°˖* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[dynamoverlagracing]

RACE REPORTS: SAC TRI, MT RAINIER DUATHLON, LAKE WILDERNESS TRIATHLON

Lots to talk about in these three races; in order, April 22nd for the SAC Pool Triathlon, April 29th for the Du, and June 2nd for Lake Wilderness (my first repeat race in the Pacific NW!). The SAC Tri was a total ass-freezer, getting out of that pool soaking wet, climbing shivering onto the bike in air temps around 48F. Brrrr! Still, hard to resist the beauty of a rolling course through quaint, sleepy Snohomish, and then alongside the beautiful river of the same name, and back again. Oddly competitive for such an early season race, there were some blistering times at this inaugural race.

Before I dive right into it, though, a note on my clever offseason. I did my first marathon, and with it some long-run buildup such that I haven’t accomplished in about a decade. All of it went well, little or no shin splints, and generally some very healthy and steady volume early in the offseason. While juggling three jobs I maintained 50 mile commuting bike weeks, as well as, in the Winter, 20 mile run commuting weeks. All put together (with a glaring lack of any swim training for about 8 months - ahhhh!!!!!), I had some very good offseason improvement in fitness coming into the 2018 season.

SWIM

At SAC Tri, it was slow but so, so easy. I could have gone a bit harder, but nonetheless my smooth and effortless breathing-every-four-or-five strokes put me well back in the bunch with a 12minute 500m swim. With only six swims before this race, I don’t feel too bad about it.

Mt Rainier was a du, so had a short run instead of a swim: as for that, I was pleased. I ran 6:36m pace for the 1.8 mile short first run. That put me in 13th place, overall, right off the bat.

At Lake Wilderness, a gorgeous lake swim and course overall, my first wetsuit race of the 2018 season. I had that extra month of May to make up for a lack of offseason swims. Now, one cannot makeup in 1 month 9 months without decent swim training, however, I certainly put a good effort forward to it. With zero pool swims, I managed to jump in the local lake for a total of 20,000m in the month of May. Weeks alternating 6k and 3k, made up of 3 swims per week each, with many shorter intervals, allowed me to improve upon last year’s Lake Wilderness swim by about a minute. Listed as a 400m (or 1/4 mile) swim, I still maintain, as was my suspicion last year, that the swim is a tad longer than a 1/4 mile. My 8:38 put me at 18th out of the water. A great start for me!

T1

At SAC, it was so cold. I shivered my way into T1, donned a windbreaking base layer so I could try and enjoy the bike, and thus had a slow, but not really all that slow or worse than a lot of last year’s, T1.

At Mt. Rainier, my 50-second T1 was just what I needed to stay competitive. Had I had my new tri shoes, I likely would have managed a 40 seconder. Next time!

At Lake Wilderness, I had a decent, more thoughtful T1 than these last couple. I think the weather helped. It was warm and sunny very early on, and so I wasn’t shivering out of the lake. I got my wetsuit down and to my ankles for some kicking it off action while I donned my helmet. A 1 minute T1 is still only good, but it was better than last year’s!

BIKE

At SAC TRI, a conservative bike allowed me to feel really fresh out on the run; it wasn’t so conservative as to not be difficult. I concentrated hard, but was able to take note of my improved ability to focus the whole time, stay in the bars even when climbing, and overall I felt good, although my average speed on the bike was not especially better than last years MPH averages. My bike split was 15th fastest, my eventual OA placing.

At Mt. Rainier, which included a grueling 3 mile hill climb, up, up, up, I managed a 10th fastest bike split. Ripping down the backside of the mountain at 38mph was awesome, and the descent was not at all technical, which allowed for more pleasant, less white-knuckle descending. Nonetheless, with my feathery frame, I was passed on this descent by some heavier dudes who I caught easily once we were on our feet.

At Lake Wilderness, which is a far more hilly course than I remember it being, I set the 2nd fastest bike split; unexpected! A nearly 600 mile bike month (May), in addition to maintaining my run miles (90miles) and additional swim load (20k) allowed this; I also had progressively longer long bike days, which likely improved my focus, cadence, and endurance. So, somewhat of a surprise but maybe not really, given the hilliness and my offseason/buildup in May, it was a pleasant discovery when the results were posted. I got out of the swim two minutes down from First and Second place, and was in a pack of dudes who all kinda got out of the water between 7 and 9 minutes, and had varying bike abilities. We yoyoed for a while, and then about mile 4, on a long hill, I pulled away, and dropped all of them. Spinning up hills and maintaining a relatively high (for me) cadence the whole way, I put a couple minutes into that group, and two whole minutes on my previous year’s bike split on the same course (Course PR of 2 minutes!!!! :D)

T2

I ripped into T2 at SAC with completely frozen, numb feet. I felt like I was running on a couple of bricks for most of the 5k. I don’t remember much from T2 at SAC other that I had to yank off, clumsily, my base layer before getting out on the course.

At Mt. Rainier, my identical 50 second T2 was good, but sleepy volunteers caused me to almost make a wrong turn out of transition. The Women’s 1st Place, Tafara Pulse, make up a good chunk of time in T2 and thus passed me early in the run. I caught up with her by the end (did not quite pass her, but closed the sizable gap she developed early in the run)

At Lake Wilderness, another improvement in this area (as in all the areas) solely based on my performance times from last year. As I already suspected (last year) the distances were a bit off, simple comparison of my performances serves as the best basis for noting improvement, as I don’t use Power or HR or anything but a simple cyclocomputer. A few seconds faster, nothing special, just decent, better, with plenty of room for more, as 1st and 2nd place still had consistently faster transitions than me.

RUN

So pleased with my SAC TRI run; if it hadn’t been for my awesome 5k at the end of that chilly, cobweb-shedding race, I might have been a bit more disappointed with it. But I ran 6:33s on fatigued, frozen feet/legs, and felt great the whole way. The run was along the Centennial Trail, a mile.5 north out of Snohomish, and then back, so it was easy, pleasant, and pretty. As far as I know, 6:33 5k run segment in a triathlon is a lifetime PR for me, at least out of races/times I can remember. From my early, early years doing triathlons in college, I think I may have had faster times 6:20s, even maybe dipping close to sub-6s, but I don’t have results from that long ago to compare it to. In running races I routinely ran 6:00s and 6:10s at anything up to 10k, but that was on fresh legs. So, anyway, getting back some of that young knucklehead speed in my thirties, that’s pretty sweet. My 5k time at the SAC TRI was 20:20, 6th (?) fastest as far as I can tell.

At the Mt. Rainier Duathlon, my 6:47s on very tired (and somewhat overtrained - I ran hard only two days before race day, oops) legs got me a third-fastest overall second-run split. I passed a number of people on the run, including a couple who’d passed me on the bike at some point. I quite nearly caught 6th place, and if there’d been another mile, 5th (F-01), too, but that is no matter - the last pass I made was in my AG, so that was a very wise (if unconscious) move - that secured me the AG 1st Place. That, with a 7th Pl Overall was very rewarding. I’ll take that, and I’ll improve on it further next year.

At Lake Wilderness, again, I’ll have to go by my times from last year. My run was about a minute faster, but still only 7:00-ish per mile, so, cop it up to the fact that it’s heavily a trail run, which always makes people a lil slower. I wonder if my 2nd fastest bike caused my run to slip to only 5th fastest. It’s splitting hairs either way, I’m super pleased with my run split. Nobody was in sight behind me and the whole way I had 2nd place in sight, ever closer, right up until the end when he was about 400m in front of me. I just needed another .5 to 1mile to catch him. Ah well, it was a great race, and I love the LW run course.

FINAL RESULTS

SAC TRI 15th OA, 2nd AG

Mt. Rainier DU 7th OA, 1st AG (3rd fastest 2nd run split)

Lake Wilderness Triathlon 3rd OA, 1st AG (by over 4 mins; 2nd fastest bike split on the day, 5th fastest run split)

[chaosunmasked-blog]

Another Round of College

School's back in session! Whoo hoo! I really wish I had the strength to just randomly yell, "Whoo hoo," whenever I wanted, but that is not the case. It has been an interesting introduction to my major to say the least. 

My cinematography class that I was freaking out about, in terms of my fitness for the course, is perfectly adaptable for me so I don't need an assistant or to be disqualified from taking the course. Yay! 

My other class that requires filmmaking will hopefully be the same way. I love group projects! Group projects save an disabled person's dignity. At least, I can take on a role that I can fulfill and prove that yes, my life still has worth even though the doctors up north don't think so. 

But, my programming course...brrrr. I don't know. It has come up as a surprise for me. I can't mentally keep up. He just goes to fast for me, even when it comes to typing, There is just no way for me to be able to code, model and take notes efficiently. It's just impossible. So, I may need a notetaker for that one. We'll see... 

Physically. I'm doing much better. Yay CoQ10! (It's a vitamin that normal people produce in abundance at my age, which my body is lacking for some reason. The deficiency is my assumption as I'm not diagnosed yet.) It's greatly reduced my fatigue. No more expresso shots followed by two bottles of coke. (Yes, that was my life last quarter.) But, I still get sleepy around 2pm, but I don’t fall asleep, which is great! However, my joints still ache like an aging grandmother and my memory isn't really that sharp. I thought that it was until I realized I couldn't remember my friend's names or how they looked like. But at least I can learn again (*concerned laugh*)! 

Unfortunately, I've also become weaker and my handwriting is getting even worse if that's possible. But, I'm still going to keep living! Even though I am already exhausted, I'll power through the quarter. Unfortunately, I don't have many options. I only have doctors in Savannah. I don't have any doctors at home, which is understandable since barely any doctors live in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. I mean, who wants to by choice? The schools are passable at best, and the job market is even worse.

It's more like this: Good luck with your promotion at Walmart Jimmy! You've only been waiting 20 years to get paid more than $12/hr. Go and get it man!

Than this: Five years and you're making $100k. Nice bro! 

Which place would you want to live and raise your kids? Maybe that's why most of the doctors in my area aren't board-certified. The hospitals essentially just take whomever comes in through the door.

Ahh, I also forgot. I just came back from the doctor, and lo and behold my GI symptoms have been substantiated. I had an upper endoscopy which revealed inflammation of my entire stomach and the surrounding mucosa. A couple of biopsies were taken, so we'll see. My GI thinks I may have Celiac's disease, and is testing for that as well. Maybe I can start gaining weight rather than losing weight for once! 

And this is the power of medicine y'all (when it's properly practiced). If anyone is reading this and wants to be a doctor, if you're patient's symptoms have remained unexplained for years and months, maybe it's time to take of the illusion that these symptoms are all in the patient's head and start taking them seriously. I have nerve damage because of Vitamin B12 deficiency! That shouldn’t happen! Also, why the hell was I allowed to go my whole life with a low red blood cell count? And a low white blood cell count and low platelets? Like what happened to referrals or basic knowledge? If you've got a patient labeled with conversion disorder or hysteria or somatoform disorder of whatever dubious label relies on medically unexplained symptoms and the treatments for those disorders were ineffective of damaging, look back through their labs. I'm sure someone probably dropped the ball. All my new doctor did was look through my labs, and noticed all these abnormalities and went through the differential, and I've had a better quality of life as a result.

What they say is true, conversion disorder is a death sentence indeed. It nearly led to my premature death, and it has irreversibly damaged me. I would sue if I could, but medicine is a tricky discipline. Like my dad said, it's an art. So, people practice it in different ways and have different styles and skill levels. A lot of doctors are mediocre. They can handle simple patients and straight-forward patients. They don't like challenges and pass them on or worse slap down a label of conversion disorder without any psychological knowledge. There a few that are horrendous, and a few that are outstanding and have both the knowledge and bedside manner that one expects when they go to the doctor. And also some commendable ones who try to reach that upper 10% and know their weaknesses and strengths. Those docs are good too. They are the ones who refer you and are not afraid to say they don't know. 

So, in all it has been a mixed week. I've realized that I'm getting better and worse at the same time, but I enjoy life more. I'm savoring everyday in the best way that I can. It's the only way for me to live right now. The future is unknown at this point so what's the point in worrying about tomorrow? Once I get a diagnosis, if I get one, then I'll worry about it then.