#also genuinely think a lot of people on here were not socialized properly

[moonlitlex]

deleting my long post to rephrase it to this: some of yalls reactions to the club thing is immediately shut down something you've never experienced and have a lot of misconceptions about (like i've seen multiple people say they've never been to the club because they don't do fun things like have themes). and i think. you should be more open to new experiences. you don't have to like the club or even really go to the club but shutting down the idea of doing a whole category of activity without ever trying it is just going to shut you off from experiencing new and potentially enjoyable things.

and this also happens like. pretty much every time a "you should do this thing that i think is fun" post starts making the rounds it becomes about how it's soooooo unreasonable to expect the mostly adult userbase of this website to try new things and be open to new experiences just because people on here have social anxiety or sensory issues or xyz other thing that makes it harder to do some things.

but they also have this extremely strong aversion to experiencing anything unpleasant at all. like i've seen people on that post talk about how they can't watch tv where characters die because it's upsetting. but the thing is if you never experience things that are unpleasant you are going to be that same person forever.

like it fucking sucks to hear for me to this day but the only way you can get over your social anxiety is by doing things that cause that anxiety. and you should never be forced to do them. you should choose to. but you have to do them or the anxiety will literally just get worse forever. do it scared. do it alone. do it while crying, even. but do it. i used to burst into tears at the idea of going up to a cashier to pay for my stuff. and i don't anymore because i did it scared and alone and while feeling like i was going to pass out.

this isn't really about the club. it's about the way people on here react to literally any post that says something along the lines of "you should do stuff"

[purpurussy]

what is all of this like for post-hiatus phannies?

I've been trying to figure out how to phrase this for a minute. The most obvious comparison would be that it's like starting a TV show 10 seasons in, but that doesn't come remotely close to the amount of required reading necessary to understand even 5% of the references. This has not been a problem for me, as I love nothing more than a good all-consuming hyperfixation rabbit hole, but something I'm realizing is that you really just had to be there to fully Understand.

I got into d&p properly in December of 2023, when gamingmas appealed to my emotionally curious nature and then gave me some kind of irreversible brain damage which I'm still trying to process. Since then I've been consuming their back catalogue as though it's laced with cocaine, and obsessively lurking on phannie tumblr until I finally made this blog a few weeks ago.

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I actually watched Dan's videos for a little while back in roughly 2013/2014, but something about his content back then just wasn't working for me like it does now (I have such a clear memory of watching Reasons Why Dan’s A Fail and thinking "aw man why does this cute little twink hate himself so much 😔" and then going back to watching Jenna Marbles lmao. Funnily enough it did make me change my negative self-talk a little bit). I was very much a brief casual viewer who went off them pretty much after watching a few videos, and after that I was sort of vaguely aware of them as the cultural icons of the 2010s that they were, but I wasn't keeping up with them at all. 

I don't even remember BIG coming out, which is insane because I've always been extremely chronically online and it definitely broke containment as a cultural moment (although I think I was trying to minimize my social media use at that point in my life, so maybe that's why it went over my head). I feel like I must have heard something about it at the time, though, because I knew they were gay when I started watching them last year. What's really strange is that a lot of this stuff is kinda timeless to me. I don't remember it happening 5, 10 or 15 years ago - I just witnessed it very recently. For a lot of you guys, BIG happened 5 years ago, but I just watched it for the first time a few months ago. At the same time, in my mind they've just always been gay, since I wasn't in the trenches of the unhinged online culture surrounding them in the early/mid 2010s. It's so confusing to balance my weird temporal perception of these events with the impressions that I get from you guys. Oftentimes I have to judge roughly when something would have happened based on their appearances - it's not actually a *memory* for me, like it is for you. I absolutely love the dynamic and branding they have now, and the deep dives into their past are more of a curious exploration of how they got here, rather than actually nostalgic (or, I suppose, mildly traumatic) for me. It’s still very interesting and compelling to me, but because I love the current iteration of Dan and Phil, not because I’m emotionally invested in who they used to be. 

Sometimes I’ll be aware that an event happened, but I won’t realize how monumental it was until I see people talking about it (I hate to say it but I genuinely don't fully understand why the BONCAs thing was so earth-shattering, but like I said, I've always lived in a post-BIG universe, and I think you just had to be there). There are also plenty of references to stuff that's just been lost to time, which I have to piece together with context clues, as well as the more unhinged demonic stuff that I just don't have any interest in exploring whatsoever (I think I might have watched the v-day video if I'd been there when it leaked and I was a stupid teenager, but at this point, I don't even feel any kind of morbid curiosity for it. I just feel really bad for them that it got leaked. Plus, unfortunately, I think I've learned all I need to know about it through internet osmosis here). I feel like a lot of these events have a real emotional meaning for you guys, when to me, they're just interesting/funny/insane anecdotes which give some context to everything. Some of the shit that you guys lived through back then is absolutely wild, and I love and appreciate all of you for meticulously archiving and documenting everything and for being so willing to answer the same questions over and over again! Otherwise I feel like I wouldn't be able to really be part of this community, and posting my silly little memes on this blog is so fucking fun. So thank you all for that.

It seems like this is one of the most ride-or-die fanbases I've ever seen. The fact that they could invent the concept of YouTubers doing world tours, successfully execute that multiple times, branch out into several other ventures, come out as gay not fully knowing how that would affect their careers, disappear for several years and then come back knowing that there would be a solid audience waiting for them even after their virality had died down, drop merch every 3 seconds - I don't know who else can really get away with that, for almost 15 years, in the extremely "live fast die young" culture of internet fame. And I think it's in no small part because you all have chronic "unconditionally supporting dan and phil" disease. (While we’re on the topic, I feel very lucky to have missed the hiatus era. There's kind of a compression in the timeline for me between the gaming channel going dark and Dan starting his WAD tour, where it's like that time just doesn't exist in the Dan and Phil cinematic universe for me. It took me a while to realize how insane it must have been when they came back in full force, I can't even imagine how that must have felt.)

Of course, there's a caveat in that I'm saying this only really knowing about the tip of the demon iceberg. I’m aware of people engaging in behaviours such as doxxing them, outing them and stalking their families, which is horrifying in and of itself, but I don’t know how long it went on for or how many people were involved. I think people are generally pretty well-behaved at this point, and most of the drama seems to be between different schools of thought within the fanbase itself. I assume a big part of the reason for that is people's varying degrees of involvement in (and remaining notion of guilt for) the boundary-crossing behaviour from the old days. Living with the spectre of this insanity is kind of strange - it makes me feel nervous sometimes that I’m gonna accidentally say something that hits a nerve, or cross a line I didn’t know existed, because there’s all this history that I don’t fully understand, beyond just the normal unwritten rules for interacting with fan spaces online. 

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The topic that got me writing this in the first place was the orange heart incident, and everyone’s subsequent meltdown. For me, the excitement in them soft/hard/semi launching is more about me just getting excited about any open, proud expression of queer joy - it heals something inside me every time I hear a man referring to his husband or a woman referring to her wife (excuse the gendered terms, ykwim. gay shit). It's just that sentiment, combined with the fact that I'm parasocially invested in them: I'd love to see that energy from my fave little guys who live inside my computer. I am basically rooting for them to become more comfortable with just talking about gay stuff more openly and candidly, and I guess that would require a bit of a hard launch, although I can understand that they don't want to potentially open the door to excessive questioning regarding their relationship. I feel like it ✨hits different✨ for people who watched them for years before they came out. Like, you guys are rooting for people who you watched in real time struggling with their identities and internalized homophobia for years and years, while to me, they’re just some guys who I’m a fan of. Sometimes I get caught up in the emotional frenzy of their hard-launch breadcrumbs even though I don’t feel quite as insane about it as you guys (I said in some tags a few days ago that it’s like the base instinct to turn around and start running if you see a crowd of people running towards you and screaming in terror, even if you have no idea what’s going on). Anyway, I would love to see them being more gooey with each other, and I am gobbling up the breadcrumbs they're feeding us atm, because I love seeing gay people expressing gay love with no shame 🧡 

I think my perception of them as a couple, or of their sexualities independently, is just kind of an extension of everything Dan said in BIG. I really have no doubt that they're a couple, and I don't feel any kind of weird Catholic guilt in saying that, since I neither witnessed nor participated in the insanity back then. I interpreted (I'm paraphrasing) "obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, we're like, actual soulmates" followed by "as for the situation now? we're private people and we'd like to keep that part of our lives private" as him essentially saying that obviously they're a couple, but that their relationship is not part of the Dan And Phil™ Brand. The brand is 2 guys who have great chemistry doing comedy together (5 feet apart even though clearly they are gay and in love). And I think that's a completely healthy decision to make, even irrespective of their history. I think a hard launch would be subtle, and it wouldn’t realistically change the nature of their content that much. 

With that being said, to me, it seems slightly wild for people to adamantly insist they're not a couple, or that it’s “invasive” to assume that they are one (not that that really applies to anyone here, but elsewhere on the internet). If they were a straight man and a straight woman, and there wasn't a huge chunk of people on the internet struggling with this oddly conditioned aversion to seeing them as a couple, then nobody on earth would be insisting that it's weird to assume they're together. Dan confirmed that they became romantically involved around the time they met, and building a forever home with your ex is crazy, that's all there is to it.

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This is kind of a messy stream of thoughts (it ended up sort of becoming 2 essays for the price of 1) and I don't really know where I was going with it. In conclusion I think that day 1 phannies are braver than any US marine and you have all suffered more than Jesus on the cross, and I'm extremely thankful that I get to reap the rewards of your labour now without having lived through the dark ages myself. I also think some of you are holding onto a bit of unnecessary guilt for dumb shit you said on the internet when you were a kid. And Dan and Phil are gay and I love them and I reeeeaaaallllyyy want them to do a podcast so bad because this is all conjecture and I would parasocially love to hear their actual thoughts on it

[yuissamidare]

I saw a lot of people questioning the appeal of lukahyuna/hyuluka, and I think that’s quite understandable. here are my two cents no one asked for! for me, other than the fact that they’re the perfect example of interpersonal horror, at least a big part of the attraction comes from my interpretation of the characters—both being people who struggle with control and autonomy.

Luka is someone who is controlled in every aspect of his life, from his daily training, to his health (canonly having heart problems and other congenital issues), and he was paraded around since he was young for his appearance and constantly made to be a spectacle — there is nothing that is fully his expect his emotions, to which he hangs onto hyuna with his love; then there is hyuna, who was completely aware of the encasement she was in and could still live freely, happily chaining herself to the parental role she placed herself in for her younger brother and later on, refuses to live anything but freely but except for being trapped by her feelings and memories of luka and her brother.

It’s a case of someone who has no independence finding a sense of sovereignty and control in regards to the feelings he has with another person versus someone who will carve a path of freedom and control for herself but constantly losing her footing as the only thing she has no control over are her feelings, and that contrast makes it very appealing for me.

Luka and hyuna were made with each other in mind, hyuna being stated to be a ‘YOLO!’ kind of girl while luka is the opposite and is careful—this is shown in their official merch stands as well, hyuna being a lunar eclipse that interferes with the path of the moon (luka) and luka being a solar eclipse that blocks the path of the sun (hyuna). They are complimentary opposed forces, however that does not mean that at one point they were not mutually attracted to each other, regardless of the intent of the attraction—in the prologue and old supplemental art, Hyuna and Luka are seen side by side while rehearsing and also spending their free time together (though Luka is glaring at Hyunwoo who is offscreen), and in all in as well, they’re shown to spend time together while Hyunwoo is not around, and Hyuna also allows him to encroach on time spent with her brother. (In this particular part of All-In, luka shows traits such as sucking on his sleeves which are associated with poorly socialized or developed children, which is something he seems to stop when Hyuna touches him for a sufficient amount of time)

— Anakt Garden Initially, i had thought what luka felt for Hyuna was not traditional ‘love’ or a properly developed crush but possession and desire to have hyuna act as a readily available and constant companion in a convenient social tie—something to have which a special relationship no one else can touch, having something that is truly his regardless of what he felt being considered as ‘love’—, which, while not completely untrue, had shifted when their supplemental comic came out and showed that he had genuine value in her thoughts and opinions (while making sure she had stopped looking at hyunwoo), and in a recent doodle, showed that he had genuinely sought her affection and validation (via picking fights with Hyunwoo and using that as a way to see her take his side over his, which is the second time she is shown to prioritize him over her brother, who calls for her and only her attention in the supplemental comic who she seems to put off for a moment in favor of acknowledging luka’s clinginess towards her and calling him cute).

While the form changed, the one constant of luka —> hyuna has always been: ‘this is mine, I want a relationship with her that gives me a level of exclusivity and control over her that others can’t have, one that includes priority over hyunwoo’

Luka is shown to value her opinions and use it as a basis for his own, as seen in a supplemental comic. he finds worth in her viewpoints considering and there’s a sense of mutuality there that makes him comfortable enough to share and talk about opinions with her and to use her as either a building block for his own ideals due to not having any strong feelings of his own, or to compare and contrast their ways of thinking and finding worth in the perspective that she has brought.

this comic is my second favorite piece of media involving them, with my first being the in the storyboards for all in…! (which i can’t talk about since it’s patreon content, but, you know) and it directly correlates to his character inspiration in which he finds value and a reason to be on stage due to the experiences he spent with hyuna, just like how his character inspiration finds value in their story of origin through experiences spent with others.

Singing makes Hyuna feel free, and through Hyuna, Luka attempts to find freedom and independence through singing as well, though the results are debatable as it seems he doesn’t inherently enjoy singing, but the feeling of closeness it allows him to feel for Hyuna and the privilege it brings him.

hyuna’s feelings for him at this point is hard to succinctly place on tenterhooks, as she was a character kept private and secret for much of the run, but i do think that she had fledging affection for him for several of the reasons i mentioned (re: the purposeful and conscious spent with him over others; the decision to spend time with both luka and hyunwoo and seemingly split her attention between them as they seem to fight when she’s not around, as in the supplementary comic hyunwoo only calls for Hyuna’s attention rather than calling for them both; once again taking Luka’s side when luka provokes others; the memory that sparks her panic is one of them being close—her playing with his hair while he looks at her.)

It is difficult for me to talk about hyuna’s feelings when there is so little about her known, I do feel like much of it will be my interpretation so please forgive the conjecture.

Personally, I believe that Hyuna viewed her love of others through her love for hyunwoo. She took on a maternal role for her brother which spreads through her interactions with others even if she acts like a wild auntie nowadays. I believe she took Luka’s side over Hyunwoo’s because she thought Hyunwoo should treat Luka more carefully since she had expected him to be more responsible to a child that seemed weak and delicate in comparison to Hyunwoo. I believed she split her attention between them both as Hyunwoo seemed to rely on her for her attention as much as luka did (re: only calling for her when he wanted to show off the space beetle.) and had acted as a bridge between them, despite them seemingly not having the best relationship—she could have always cut luka off when hyunwoo had grown frustrated with him, but again, she divided her time between them and had spend moments with them both apart and together because she had cared deeply for them both.

Since she viewed her relationships through her love of hyunwoo, she could not differentiate her feelings for luka being different or starting to develop as something different because she did not treat that as a possibility with her stubbornly placing herself in that motherly role—which is why things like Luka’s possessive statements had the red flags ignored then seemingly encouraged with petting and praise due to being flattered by his close attention.

And since luka is implied to have been artificially created, hyunas nature was something he found soothing and comforting (see: no longer self soothing after she had touched him) before the nature of his feelings changed as well, though his feelings changed sooner than hers did.

— Season 49 and present day: regardless of how hyunwoo died*, it is possible hyuna’s misery and potential feelings of guilt and regret give him a modicum of control over her—even after hyunwoo is dead, she’s going to need to live with luka all the way until season 49 starts and she escapes. she’s still going to have years and years of staying with him and having him cling to her or remind her what happened and she has been affected as a result (her looking so muted and sad when depicted prior to her escape, or having less vibrant expressions compared to all in; her potentially starting to smoke to deal with stress). he has, essentially, ruined her so thoroughly they’ll find his face carved into the darkest part of her heart and that’s sign of her thinking of him, and there’s ownership in that as well. i think the part in sweet dream where they show up and she’s hovering a knife over him while he’s holding her hip implies that he’d genuinely be delighted if she tried to kill or hurt him back, because that’s more proof that she’s still under his control. *While it is normally agreed that Luka’s actions caused Hyunwoos death, there is still contention as to what happen or led up to it, as some people from the start believe when Hyuna had pulled them apart, Hyunwoo hit his head (while originally theorized on the all in YT comments, it gained traction with the doodle comic as additional evidence for later on, but it’s been theorized since all in came out [while I have screenshots, I do not have the source for the original YT comment, magratbastard on Twitter has a great thread on it) or that Hyunwoo had just landed badly when luka pushed him off. Therefore I am using vague phrasing here as what happened is not agreed on in a unified manner as we lack context.

At this point in time hyuna is actively haunted by thoughts of hyunwoo, but seems that she’s conflicted about luka and battles her unhappiness, disgust, and past positive feelings under a vein of apathy, but seemingly falters (sweet dream) due to lingering attachment or being unable to truly know what happened that day, which leads to her passively allowing him near her despite her distaste. she needs to live with him and remember that he was involved in her brothers death, and that he is attached to her for some reason, and that displays itself in a way that could be taken as romantic.

In supplemental art where he is giving her a massage, unlike fighting or squirming away like till does with ivan, hyuna seems to reluctantly acquiesce to his touch despite seeming awkward about it (for many reasons). it seems to resemble parts of all in, and sweet dream—haunted by him, but is determined to shut out her feelings and move past him in order to benefit others (re: singing at the club; her surrounded by robots and his image, only moving forward and away from them in awe when mizi fights for her) seems to have settled into a more uncharitable view of him but still trips up when confronted with thoughts of him and actively fights his memory and positive association with him because she still can’t truly push him and thoughts of him away.

Note: as children in the garden are indoctrinated to think that singing while dying allows you to go to the in universe equivalent of a heaven, her feelings of being haunted by hyunwoo may be exacerbated by that indoctrination, even if she doesn’t believe in it anymore. May possibly be reluctant to kill luka due to three things: this, past affection for him, or feeling the value of other humans for the sake that they are human, despite not wanting him in her life. — present day: Romh, all in, love and peace, sweet dream cover:

ROMH: ruler of my heart is a song that was created prior to season 50 and is implied to have been written about Hyuna. I wrote my thoughts on it here: https://x.com/8bitdetective/status/1745091500789076201

SWEET DREAM: sweet dream generally parallels the luka and Hyuna’s story lyric wise, as luka and sua are diametrically opposed contrasts in their approaches to love and ‘self(ish/ness)’.

I made a rough comparison here: https://x.com/8bitdetective/status/1745110121108168870

hyuna and mizi are mirrors in how they live their lives, similar, I believe sua and luka mirror each other as well.

hyuna and mizi are both people who have experienced love prior to meeting their respective others and having happy experiences with their family—mizi was loved by her owners, who had gifted her toys and sent her off in tears, and in return she loved them as well—mizisua is a video about the people mizi has loved, who have ‘abandoned’ her, and I believe this was also her realization that her family left her alone to participate in a death game, the same way sua had consciously sacrificed herself despite not knowing what may happen in the future.

hyuna had also been given and received familial love in the form of hyunwoo, and that had been her everything. these are both people who had been secure in their love and therefore had love to share, and both luka and sua were addicted to that healthy affection—however luka seemingly refused to let anyone but hyuna in and has never willing spent time with anyone but hyuna, focusing all his feelings on hyuna and ‘the person who is intruding on his time with hyuna’ that he was jealous of—luka, being older than hyuna, was probably set in his ways and didn’t see a need to change, as such change would lead to detrimental effects on his life elsewhere. he did not change, nor did he want to—why would he have to, when hyuna would seemingly always take his side and put him before even her brother? instead, he selfishly wanted hyuna to have her world narrowed to only him, he wanted to own her and I believe wanted her to choose to ‘own’ him as well.

meanwhile sua was willing to spend time with others and talk to them, while mizi was her most important person, mizi wasn’t the only person in the world and mizi had allowed the universe to expand around them, and such varied experiences of being around people had allowed sua to develop a healthier relationship and way of thinking—even if she had become childish and jealous of till at points, she did not try and steal mizis from his company and allowed her to have her own friends, and then was allowed to make her own connections with ivan (as contentious as it may be at time) and had become a person who was more socially conscious and well adjusted compared to luka.

LOVE & PEACE: depending how you look at it, LOVE&PEACE can reference both luka and hyunwoo at the same time, or either/or. For this, I’ll mainly talk about how it can possibly apply to Luka.

if you consider sweet dream to also be applicable to his character, luka says the morning (hyuna, who is compared to the sun) won’t come for him, but to hyuna even if time marches on and she can find the sun (new experiences) it still feels like she’s fumbling in the night (Luka) after everything, because luka is always associated with the night and darkness and hyuna being his brightness, feeling trapped by lukas influence even if she’s mentally aware she’s not under his thumb anymore, because he always pops into her mind.

while luka was her friend, hyunwoo was the other half of her heart—no matter what luka did, it doesn’t change that hyunwoo is apart of her, that he’s still inside her as her blood, and that’s something luka can never take away. That’s the interpretation I got from the cover art, at least. every time she bleeds, he’ll be split on her skin and that is something she will always have to live with, and something she always has to acknowledge being stolen from her.

This also contrasts their ways of loving: luka wants hyuna for herself and lives for the sake of having her, but hyuna lives in order to express her love for hyunwoo by rebelling against the system that has taken her brother away from her, and to keep loving hyunwoo and for that sincerity to reach him someday—to live on for the part of her that couldn’t, despite seemingly not taking good care of her body by drinking, smoking, and getting hurt on her rebel mission. She’s a character that claims to live for herself while taking care of others (again, contrasting with luka who lives for others while taking care of his own self preservation.)

Because Hyuna is a character that constantly thinks of others, she can’t forgive herself when she thinks of Luka fondly, or that she still has memories of them being affectionate after everything, even as she confesses in LOVE&PEACE that she didn’t think the ‘night’, the peace and safety she felt in the garden in the times spent with him, would be stolen from her and would have her reevaluate everything about him.

— re: the kiss

luka is a character with no control or autonomy in his life, he is chronically ill and he is consistently put in high stress situations that he doesn’t enjoy being in. luka is a character who is meant to be subservient and obedient to his owners and ‘betters’ while being treated like a showdog for a majority of his life for his own appearance, in an interview, he mentions ‘being made to sing in a variety of situations to be made sure that he can sing perfectly at any time’ and is someone who is meant to control his own heartbeat consistently and manually. He’s always hunched in and doing things like sucking on his sleeve are traits of neurodivergence and abused/highly stressed children (to which he only stops when hyuna pets him long enough) which reads as him being poorly or under socialized.

I believe he thought that hyuna wouldnt have reacted badly as she had always reacted positively to other things he has done (openly claiming ownership of her or when she takes his side, earnestly as seeing his questions and giving him physical affection) and had showed that she had prioritized him over everyone else. Luka is a character who is calculative and doesn’t do anything unless the move works in his favor, he’s made to be hyunas diametric opposite in that way, which is why he picks on hyunas brother to get him to lash out, to see if she will put him first.

I do not believe* have made a move if he didnt think there was an investment there, because that would risk losing her, and luka has always been someone who has ‘known his place’ and what he has to gain and lose. Even if there was not ‘love’ there, he had probably expected some positive reciprocal action.

*on the case that lukas actions were out of impulse, i think it would be spurred by insecurity and envy. while luka and hyuna hold mutual respect for one another, he does get annoyed when she calls him cute and reminds her that he’s older, despite always going to her when hyunwoo hits him back for her defense. if this wasn’t a gesture that was calculated, it was most likely one used to have her categorized as as something other than something to just be taken care of as the nature of his feelings started to change.

i believe the collar is used to track—rather than negative emotion—level of emotional intensity or dysregulation, which may correlate with heartrate but wouldn't always? for example, there’s supplementary art of mizi and sua that shows sua getting flustered at the sight of mizi’s body, which usually wouldnt indicate discomfort but rather suggests a sudden fluctuation in emotional state, if that makes sense, meanwhile since till is often shown with a green collar around mizi despite being shown heavily flustered when thinking about her, since he’s a very intense person that kind of status would be normal on him, however since sua is a very low intensity person, her red light signals an abnormality.

I think Hyuna’s light changed because she was startled, this was something that was new to her and an out of character action for luka. I do not think she expected him to kiss her as these things would not be on her mind as she has always given priority to others.

In the days that followed it is likely that hyuna had decided to put space between them and luka had ached for her attention again after startling her, and probably decided to get it again in a way that seemed to work over and over again probably provoking hyunwoo (either seeking him out or letting him come to luka and seeing a chance) and getting into a fight with him in hopes that hyuna would defend him, knowing that he was weak and sickly, however hyunwoo had died in the process and that had driven the rift further, if that makes sense?

Luka also purposely provokes Mizi in ROMH, leading to him being protected by a stronger force who will protect him while playing victim—this potentially stemmed from repetition of Hyuna’s defensive behavior when he was young, and had continued using this technique until the present day.

Tldr: I don’t think luka understood that he came off as too aggressive at this point, regardless of what led up to the kiss, and that hyuna was startled being approached in a blatantly romantic way as, while she always liked him, she could not differentiate what made her feelings for him different from anyone else and it had shocked her

—comparing and contrasting ivan, sua, and lukas affection and actions:

luka, ivan and sua all start exhibiting quiet and subdued demeanors, characterized by introversion and a sense of resignation. they all appear passive and reserved in their interactions and behaviors which makes a contrast with the seemingly more assertive nature of the rest of the cast.

ivan, sua, and luka are all self(less/ish) in different ways, they all show different aspects of the weight of being saved by love and ‘marking’ their respective interests in different ways. — sua quietly plans her end and goes out with a smile, fulfilling mizis dream of singing with her while knowingly sabotaging herself with the hopes that mizi will live and remember her, even if she’s not there; ivan forcing himself onto till and choking him in order to lose and make sure till survives, despite having sneered at sua for the same thing; though luka, without a doubt, is the most selfish, as he has nothing but his feelings for hyuna and the stage that hyuna claimed made her feel free. their object of affections affect them by changing their perspectives and motivations in the future, and as a result they’ve been changed and they changed the person who became their object of affection.

all three start the same their respective apathy for life until meeting their assigned partner, but while the former two set aside their lives for love, luka cannot let her go because that is probably his only proof of ‘self’.

first we have sua, who appears to have given up on life, living a subservient existence without expectations of a better chance at life or ever breaking the norm, full of resignation and apathy but the moment Mizi enters the scene, it's like her life is something worth living, like the colors, smells and all of her senses suddenly come to life, she starts becoming more open and expressive infatuated by Mizi's carefree existence—she becomes envious and emotional, she starts to smile brightly, and due to these experiences sua believes she's lived what she thought was worth living, and now what's truly important was preserving Mizi's existence, as life was not worth even being in without her god and the person who had made everything animated. Sua was only able to enjoy ‘living’ with her company, though she had still ‘selfishly’ marked mizi in a way where she’d never forget her.

then we have Ivan, who possibly attempted to unsuccessfully escape his caretaker as he was shortly captured back up again leading to him having a very similar sense of resignation but with a glimpse of mundane contempt. life isn't necessarily worth living but it's also not worth losing, it is comfortable enough even if just as lifeless as it had always been. however this changes when till makes a scene and not just once but multiple times- making him infatuated by the constant refusal of the conformity he had deeply fallen into. this sparked interest and curiosity in ivan who had until then, had nothing to ‘live’ rather than to ‘survive’ for until he met someone with the qualities he lacked—and those are qualities he wanted to have preserved as well, even if he had to hurt till by forcing a kiss on him as a tool for assured survival, and die in front of him, ‘inflicting’ his emotions onto him. Luka’s emotions come from a desire to have and to own due to being taken care of conditionally (due to his looks and talent) and seemingly being treated like a toy. there seems to have been a mental separation between him and other children that excluded Hyuna because she either was able to nurture him in a genuine way that he lacked the support of elsewhere AND she was able to catch his attention in ways that other people could not—whether it was due to her singing talents, her natural charisma that seemed to make her suitable to be a rebel leader, or, similarly to ivan, he was curious after spending close proximity to her due to the time he was forced to spend with other kids that brought him to her and had become curious about someone who seemed to be his diametric opposite, but still had the maturity to realize that she was a prisoner under anakt; however, unlike ivan, luka was not content just watching and provoking reactions out of hyuna, he wanted to own them as well and keep them all to himself- and once again, harming the object of his affection by forcing intimate proximity, and then leading to hyunwoos death.

if ROMH is written about hyuna (which it likely is) then all three share the sentiment of ‘I want the person i love to live’, though lukas sentiment has the caveat of *‘with me’. ivan was always aware that his feelings were not reciprocal, and had contented himself by watching and being in his presence. sua had mizi’s love and affection, and then was willing to be ‘let go’ and die loved. luka can not be happy just observing hyuna, nor does he want to let go or be let go—theyre all very different aspects of love being displayed, and i believe luka and hyuna have a lot of complexities and depth to them that make them appealing even outside of what’s on the surface! theyre all very different aspects of love being displayed!! its really interesting! It’s a really fascinating and intricate dynamic… tldr its neat!

[joyus-whimsy]

Autism, special interests and Red Dead Redemption 2 (spoiler free)

Towards the end of last year I started properly playing Rdr2. I’ve had the game for years but never really devoted the time to getting into it. Now, I write this before I start the last quest of the epilogue, I’m so engrossed in this game. I feel an intense emotional attachment to Arthur and the game in general. This kind of attachment isn’t something I’ve let myself feel for a while.

I haven’t let myself have special interests because it annoys or weirds out people around me. I used to try and fight it, but I don’t want to anymore. I’ve realised a lot from deconstructing internalised and social ableism, (the countless cringe compilations lined with autistic people being really into something is a prime example.)

I’ve a playlist for Arthur with music that reminds me of him, reminds me of that intense emotional connection. It’s sorta my way of sitting in and feeling how I do instead of trying to have ‘normal’ attachments to things. I used to be (and to a point I still am) scared of this intense ‘obsessive’ feeling, but I miss having special interests. I’ve felt like a shell of myself for a while and depression sorta took over my life for a while.

I see the way my constant talk about rdr2 annoys the people around me, but I don’t know if I care that much anymore. That being said, last year I made a friend that I got along with instantly and they have quickly become my closest friend. They are also neurodivergent and I’m so thankful for them. They honestly inspire me with how much they love their special interests, and I’ve been making sure they know that I don’t find it annoying. I try to get into what they like because I love listening to and sharing people’s passions. But something new happened when I was sending them heaps of stuff about Red Dead, they were genuinely interested. They said they wished they could come and play it with me (it’s summer here and we both have summer jobs so have been unable

I think I’m done putting other peoples comfort above my own, and this is just one example of that. I’m done trying to fit in because I’m inherently different. I’m autistic and I have ADHD and I’m starting to learn how to ask for accommodations and advocate for myself. I’m learning to stop running from and masking my neurodivergence because it has only tired me out. I’m glad and proud that I’m doing this, and I feel like I’m slowly getting myself back.

I’m still scared, but I’m just going to keep going, I’m done running away. Frankly, I’m proud of that.

I’m trying to find people on here that I can talk to about it. People that like this game in the same way I do. So if you check out my blog and like the kinds of things I post or repost, maybe we could start a gc or something?

[thrown-away-opinions]

So I made the mistake of watching the hbomberguy plagiarism video. I don't know why, because I kinda hate him and his entire shtick and his entire sanpaku-eyed desperate style of presentation that screams "please think I'm smart and that I am a moral cool guy who does good things!"

Anyways, the dumb fuck kinda missed the mark by a mile and the urgency and drama he tries to invoke amounts to being very angry that some people have made careers out of regurgitating other people's work. There's a few reasons why, but let's set this right up front: Yes, plagiarism is bad. It's a terrible thing to steal someone else's work, pass it off as your own, and then try to weasel out of it when caught. It's also an extremely stupid thing to do, especially if your job is writing reviews or giving your own opinions on some piece of media and plagiarism leads to reciting factually incorrect information.

That said, there's a few assertions and implications in this retardedly long video that stuck out to me and I want to talk, at length, about them. That these people have made a lot of money and are therefore bad. That citations or crediting sources would have changed something. That people careers have been damaged or somehow denied big piles of money because they were plagiarized.

Making a lot of money seems more like a vague sort of "rich people bad" but it's such a hollow assertion to make. Youtube financially incentivizes content creation or a certain type, quantity, and regularity. The algorithm is a slot machine. Ad revenue is just money on the table, and if someone disables the ad revenue on their videos, youtube runs ads anyways and the channel just doesn't get any of the money generated. As for stuff like patreon and parasocial simp behavior, you can't really stop people from doing what they want with their money. Hasan Piker became a millionaire because retards like throw money at him to watch other people's youtube videos and occasionally say the dumbest shit imaginable. If we could stop people from watching, let alone financially supporting dipshits, we would, but we can't. Being mad that they're making money from is just petty, especially if the implication is that being rich makes someone evil and bad, but at the same time, wishing that other people whom Hbomberguy ideologically jive with should be the rich ones instead. It's moronic.

It sounds reductive to just say "don't hate the player, hate the game" because the sort of shameless scumbags who will eagerly plagiarize and openly steal other people's work are detestable. I don't want the takeaway here to be that I think they are harmless or absolved of guilt. The problem is simply something far larger than youtube or social media. It's something that is not caused by the temptation of getting easy money from stealing ideas, but something that is inherent in the sorts of opportunistic scumbags that have always existed all throughout human history. Trying to shame them or expose them can only accomplish so much when they are already shameless to begin with.

Moving on to the value of citations, aside from being a genuinely nice and professional thing to do, it would not meaningfully change the profitability of content mill channels who largely use other people's work to rapidly produce videos faster than a real writer/researcher could script them. At most, it would add a slight bit more runtime and put more text in the very easy to ignore "about" section of a video, which would never get seen by 99% of viewers. Trying to impose some sort of labor speedbump by demanding citations and credits won't meaningfully stop these people from profiting off other people's work at a speed honest creators couldn't match anyways because they've been burdened by a sense of self-respect and honesty.

Furthermore, properly cited credit will not divert viewers and fans towards monetarily supporting the sources, nor encourage the diehards on patreon to stop donating. Youtube will still give the payout for the views and clicks and engagement on a video that can be 100% regurgitated, copied content, cited or not, regardless.

Additionally, the reasons people watch certain youtubers and types of content is often totally divorced from any thoughts about academic ethics. Most of the time, the audience doesn't even care because that doesn't even factor into their enjoyment of some background noise video or hearing a youtuber they like talk about something they might be mildly interested in.

Not to mention that there are countless successful youtubers who making a living reading reddit posts, reciting lore from fan wikis, reading 4chan greentexts in funny voices, or just "reacting" to other people's videos, just literally reading things other people have written word for word. This is content that is both directly cited and stuff that has no author to credit or cite at all but is still stolen. Despite knowing the content is stolen, uncited, plagiarized, etc, people watch them anyways and ad revenue payout happens regardless. There's functionally no difference, credited or not, but one is seemingly permissible because it's open about using other people's writing or research or ideas.

Is it a huge fucking problem that is turning the internet into a terrible place? Absolutely, but it wouldn't make a fucking difference if they cited the content they were reposting, because the core problem is actually the way youtube and other social media sites tell people they'll pay them for generating that sludge content, even if it's stolen, reposted, or purposefully made in a way to abuse the algorithm.

The last point I feel like covering is the idea that the specific plagiarists are denying money and career advancement to others by stealing from them. The implication being that because someone thinks the guy who makes awful video essays about Disney and Queerness who lifts his scripts almost 100% from books he never credits, the writers of those authors are being denied money and their careers as "voices of the queer community" or whatever, have been kneecapped because one other guy took all the credit. Implying that they would be the recipients of all the success, money, and career growth that Queer Plagiarist man, and others, have gained if they hadn't be plagiarized from.

This is moronic for a number of reasons, most of which I've already discussed. The most obvious reason being that they are often competing in completely different areas. The audiences giving clicks and views to the plagiarist aren't making the choice between purchasing a book or watching a youtuber. Published books aren't listed in youtube searches or recommendations.

People can both read books and watch youtube videos, if they want, but clicking on a youtube video isn't at all the same as shopping around to decide which creator is the most ethical and deserving of any sort of financial compensation. Even if the books were cited and listed, at most it amounts to a few sales, if any. However, the supposed outrage is the lack of citation and credit, not that we should be demanding promotion and advertising from youtubers or that every quotation or idea lifted from someone else needs to come with a proportional amount of reimbursement

If it's an article instead, like the case with the 'Man in Cave' video, there's nothing being sold and and the youtuber's career maintains the same trajectory, even if clearly cited and credited, still gains the same audience, the same patreon donors etc. At best, the article might get a few more clicks, so the outrage there is that some clickbait factoid site like Mental Floss didn't collect more ad revenue of its own, which is especially interesting since most of what Mental Floss does is repost articles from other sites with a little link at the bottom that shows you they didn't write shit. Fancy that.

But there's also this direct assertion that other people making similar content about, for example, queerness in Disney media are being denied the fame and success they rightfully deserve because someone else got more popular by being a plagiarist. While there may be a finite amount of time in the world for people to watch youtube videos about stupid bullshit, it is not so finite that it is an all or not situation. People can subscribe to more than one person about a given subject. One person being successful through plagiarism does not exclude anyone else from also being successful on their own merits. If they aren't successful, you can blame the algorithm, lack of interest, or the quality of their actual work.

A similar implication is that if someone were properly recognized for their work through being credited on a video that gets millions of views, that more job offers or interviews or some kind of improvement to their general socioeconomic status would be dropped in their lap. That may be true in matters of outright content theft where a relatively unknown creator loses all views and clicks on something that got stolen by a bigger channel, but not when we're talking about someone who already had a book publishing deal or peer reviewed research.

This kind of echoes the first point about money, but with popularity instead. Impotently whining that someone else got famous when what he wants is for someone better, less objectionable, to get the popularity... and I think that's what's really at the core of hbomberguy's stupidly long video (and this stupidly long rant). He only wants people he likes to be successful and is upset that he can't take that away from them. Plagiarism is just a convenient moral cudgel to wield and a convenient way to whip up his simple minded fans into another witch hunt.

If you go and check Internet Historian's latest video, you can see a significant amount of dislikes, and the comments section is full of people screaming about plagiarism and Tommy Tallarico, who was another target of hbomberguy's obnoxiously elaborate bullshit previously. There's no chance in hell that these people are actually outraged that mentalfloss wasn't properly credited, but they love that sensational self-righteous high they get from joining the latest angry mob whipped up by famous internet smart guy and maker of pretentious videos, hbomberguy.

Now, where does that leave us after all of that shit I just wrote? Well, if there's anything to take away, it's to understand that there are shameless, opportunistic scumbags out there who are constantly looking for their chance to exploit a system for personal gain. Not just on youtube, but everywhere. Crypto. Life coach sigma male shit. Politics. Twitter engagement farming. etc etc. As long as their behavior can be rewarded, they will continue doing it. So get better about spotting it and learn to block, filter, and excise it from whatever feeds you use and expect the same of your friends.

When it comes to the creators you follow, hold certain standards, but know that there is a limit to the moral purity you can expect from them. For most of the big ones out there, the goal is to make money. You can demand proper citations and such from all of them, but then they'll go and take a sponsorship deal from Established titles or Better help or some NFT scam, and that's exponentially worse than presenting information in a way that may making the audience incorrectly assume they've done exhaustive research on a topic when they're just quoting someone else.

And lastly: stop watching Hbomberguy. He's a sanctimonious retard.

[hypogryffin]

genuinely curious by what you mean by "jewish (factual)" in your tier list. i can assume for a couple what you mean (sophia as an example) but i dont see how the others could be like jewish-coded! interested in hearing your thoughts

link to the first post for claritys sake, but this is the tier in question:

ok so for clarification: i made the tier list a little while ago and then scheduled it for later to keep uploads consistent, something i usually do all the time but am not for this discussion for now. this means that by the day the tier list posted, i was already a few weeks or so divorced from the actual creation of it, so some of my opinions have changed (as i said in the og post, i was unsure on a good portion of the characters even when i first queued the list), and some of my reasonings behind placements have been lost to time and my silly little goldfish memory.

bc of this, as of now as im trying to find a distinct line between "jewish (factual)" and "jewish (based on vibes)", the criteria for "factual" is sort of murky. some placements in the category were serious, but a lot of them were also entirely for joking reasons, and i had moved on as soon as i was done laughing to myself without coming back to it.

all this is to say, i have no idea how to summarise it, so im going to explain everything i can remember about my thought process at the time so you can see where i was coming from.

SOPHIA:

yup 👍.

ok so for the uninformed, sophia is the name of a gnostic figure and the specifics change depending on the context of which ur referring to her in, but in judaism specifically sophia was given as a translated name for chokmah which is like a being thats like really important in kabbalah and considered like. this sort of i guess personification of divine wisdom?

anyways this is a concept that i doubt im anywhere near the first person to bring up, so im not gonna spend a lot of time on it like i will the things i havent heard other people talk about. like the whole "good friend of humanity" thing! judaism puts a lot of emphasis on kindness and care for other people and i think its important that thats so big for her character and for how jewish she can be read as. she is also jewish because i like her :^).

TATSUYA:

suffers endlessly because g-d hates *him*, specifically, and he hates g-d right back. jewish.

that was a joke. ok so right out the gate i think the whole "fighting hitler" aspect of IS should count for something during the discussion of which characters are jewish. like just putting that out there. anyways tatsuya is jewish because of eternal punishment. specifically, you know how hes like super into "atonement" and repentance? bro would really have benefited from going to a high holidays service lemme tell you. and he does it in a specific way thats like. his atonement is actively trying to repair what hes fixed right like hes not doing what hes doing to be redeemed, hes doing it because its his responsibility to fix whats been broken. i just idk how to explain it properly but thats a thought process your rabbi talks you through in jew school yknow?

also theres this thing called tikkun olam, which literally translates as "repairing the world". so it means more like. doing ur best as a citizen to improve community and country, or general social work. but just considering it as taking the literal translation, then its just like... yep. that sure is what hes doing isnt it

also, killed hitler. hashtag work

KATSUYA:

placed here mostly because being tatsuyas brother, theyd probably be at a similar "level" of religiosity. however there are some unique things i want to point out here;

katsuya like embodies the idea of "tzedek tzedek tirdof" like. its unfortunate hes a cop but for a cop hes a pretty good person? hes pretty uncompromising on right and wrong, and in a way that totally lines up w tzedek tzedek tirdof as its described in the torah.

extra emphasis on his compassion, as in theres like that core facet of judaism, the tikkun olam, where people have a moral obligation to help others; not just do good as oneself, but also stop other people from doing bad. that last bit doesnt really matter, cuz im bringing it up so i can talk about katsuya as a police officer to clear his dads name and try and ensure a better future for his brother. he gave up his dreams for them.

i mean, when i say "giving up his dreams", im kinda laughing to myself bc theres no way he ran it past his parents bc if he looked his jewish mother in the eye and said "i want to be a pastry chef" he would not make it out of the room alive. hed go "my dream is to become a pâtissier" and his mom would immediately be like "no its not its to be an accountant" and that would be the end of the discussion

also, i think he would make some of the best fucking challah in the world. hed make matzo ball soup that could make you jizz your pants just looking at it. look me in the eyes and tell me that he doesnt actually go nuts at rosh hashana when he gets to make the round challah with the raisins in it and stuff or whatever else. there is such a crystal clear vision in my mind of him rocking this apron my dad used to have that says "real men make latkes". it was pink and ugly as sin and i think it would be katsuyas most prized possession.

LABRYS:

her name is fucking labrys obviously shes a jewish lesbian. next.

/j i will actually talk about this. like not mentioning the only survivor of her upbringing, which isnt a one to one considering the death match portion of her backstory but still close enough to feel um. relavant to jewish culture. she acts very...stereotypically jewish?

its not entirely the accent, but it is...part of it. so like i know its like a new jersey accent and that the stereotype is new york, i guess? but im not american and i dont rlly know the difference. they look close enough to each other on a map tho so i think it counts

but also shes like kinda confrontational in a way i specifically associate with jewish people or jewish characters? like not really bitchy but argumentative right, shes got this really sarcastic or mocking sense of humour. and girl kvetches with the best of them.

(also, side note: since i made the original list, i found out that the voice actress for aegis in p3 reload, dawn m bennett, is actually jewish! if i were to remake the tier list, aegis would be moved up from "vibes" to "factual" because of this. mentioning that here because of the sister thing :).)

JOKER:

kills g-d which is the jewish dream. this is a another joke.

someone in the replies of the tier list said something abt a possible reason being that he has an "abrahamic figure" as his ult. persona, which could be a good point if satanael was actually an abrahamic figure! but it is not. like ok im not a history guy but satanael is a name used in the 2nd book of enoch, which arguably could be part of jewish "canon" (i know this is actually the term for it but fandom has rotted my brain and it sounds terminally online to use it in terms of real life religiosity) but most rabbis agree it like is not, and theyre kind of who im listening to on this, and quick google search says even in christianity, enoch is debatable? idk

so like satanael isnt in the torah. and if anyone says "oh its just like another name for satan so technically--" shut up i know. satan isnt real in the torah either. ok like "satan" is used as a term, but not as like the specific dude that like rules hell. hes just like at most a specific dude who is not a devil/cast from heaven or whatever, but instead is a lawyer. more often its a concept, something representative of like the urge to go against g-ds will or a kosher life, this "evil inclination" which everyone is born possessing and grapples with when trying to be a good person. NOT THE SAME AS THE CHRISTIAN SATAN. WHICH IS WHAT P5 WAS GOING FOR. SATAN IN JUDAISM IS NOT A "super demon lord" or whatever they call it in the text of the game

satanael isnt an abrahamic figure and i dont think satan is either cuz its so different between religions and honestly i think calling things abrahamic religions, at least w the context i hear of it, is like kind of a misnomer or just kind of generally misleading cuz judaism christianity and islam are all so different and if were talking about this i think whoever invented the term judeochristian should eat a sheet of glass for it because whenever i hear those terms its very clear the person saying it means just christianity but theyre trying to be inclusive without actually putting the work in and thats not the point of this.

ok if im honest, as i think abt it joker isnt like. really... super jewish, in a way that you can point out? its just like... this overall vibe im having trouble explaining which is probably also like super influenced by how much i like him. i want to say that this strict sense of right and wrong that remains uninfluenced by the rest of society is something that clearly creates or maybe just intensifies this like. empathy for other people that reminds me of this concept in judaism which i cant remember the hebrew name of rn but i think its most commonly translated to english as "lovingkindness", one word? or that the whole idea of the phantom thieves can be contributed to tikkun olam. but, on the other hand, even if lovingkindness is what i personally consider one of jokers core character traits, the other one is pure, blinding rage.

im not going to go super into it, because im a few years rusty of torah study bc its only really consistently done in my community for kids preparing for bnai mitzvah cuz of how few people we have in our congregation. but from what i remember, my interpretation of the exact limit between righteous and sinful anger is a bit more... lax than the average jew's, or at least the average rabbi's, meaning mine, lol. either way anger is almost always seen as sinful because its an emotion that can like. turn you from g-d, its the same thing that invokes that "evil inclination" we just talked abt. so, joker textually feels this rage that arsene, his other self, literally refers to as "sacrilegious", something that very clearly states that he is willing to *knowingly* commit sins for this rage and is perfectly capable of causing undue harm to others for it, which is exactly the reason why judaism warns of anger. this means jokers anger is distinctly against jewish teachings.

again, im really lax, my familys reform (/lh) and i think there are some parts of this characterisation that make me feel this rage is overall constructive, especially considering that is what feeds his constant practice of lovingkindness and tikkun olam, but it being such a huge facet of his personality (made worse bc as a silent protagonist, you really have to search to get away from this trait) brings him down on the Jew Scale(tm).

in short, now that im really discussing this id probably move him to incredibly jewish based on vibes or even to just "jewish" no further classification. but even w the undying sinful anger thing i cant not think of him as jewish and i dont think its just bc hes one of my favourite characters of all time.

also that hair texture looking really familiar is all🤔🤔. all im saying that is in the tutorial, instead of "frizzy hair", morgana deffo should have been calling them blondie and jewfro /j /j /j

EDIT AND JOKERS KITCHEN!! JOKERS KITCHEN!! FOOD AS A LOVE LANGUAGE!! IN P5 YOU MAKE FOOD FOR YOUR FRIENDS AND YOU PUT LOVE INTO IT

MORGANA:

i know i put morgana before joker in the tier but i think in order to rlly discuss morgana we needed joker first bc part of my reason for putting them in the same tier is because they really are a pair, do not separate.

anyways, morgana does have a lot of the same problems as joker when it comes to being difficult to pin down. his inclination to tikkun olam is similar, sort of even greater than jokers depending on personal characterisation of joker, but instead of this discrepancy of his jewishness being anger, the ethical conundrum with morgana is sort of. arrogance? like, i have trouble figuring out how to really put into words how i feel abt morganas "lovingkindness", because it is so hard to understand where hes at in terms of empathy?? like. fucking. idk hes definitely a very caring person but its not exactly like

ok i cant figure out how to say it moving on. i used the word arrogance even though i dont really think thats right, because morgana has never seemed haughty. his "arrogance" is really just him making up for an inferiority complex caused by the amnesia thing, its not as if he genuinely totally believes himself to be above the others. but like no matter what it stems from, the way he behaves and his personal pride hurts people. ie the okumura arc, or his entire relationship w ryuuji. he speaks ill of others, belittles them to bring himself up, etc. arrogance and excess pride is as condemned as anger in judaism if not moreso, since its even less useful/constructive to be "arrogant" than it is to be angry. OH ok so what i meant with the hard to figure out his empathy thing is this actually!! hes very caring and has a really notable respect for human life but its always at war with his need to prove himself, so even if when you think about it its like Oh Morgana Is A Really Caring Person, which makes sense because he was created from human desire and as such is really in touch with what people need, the desperation he has to be seen as "worthy" comes off as wanting to be seen as "above", even if it means trying to get the people around him as being considered "below" him.

tldr so if it was just those two traits i think id have to move morgana lower on the list, alongside joker.

HOWEVER. speaking directly to the other jews in the crowd, but morgana is totally textually a golem, right? like not exactly, obviously, but think about it. morganas a being of the velvet room because he was created from "the dregs of human hope" (canonical line from yaldaboath that i think about more than what can be considered healthy tbh), whose job is was and always will be to protect and guide the trickster and his community, the phantom thieves. hes a golem right? am i insane? am i seeing things? i dont care, im not giving up on this interpretation, so morgana is factually and canonically jewish cuz of it.

ZEN:

i do not remember.

as of today id probably move him to either jewish no other classification or not jewish. my b guys. anyways

JUN:

life is indescribable torment, and then hes also got additional, mostly unrelated, mommy issues. judaism 101.

also his suspenders when he was a kid are the most young jewish lad shit in the history of ever like i have seen that exact outfit on a young boy every time i go to temple, and each time it is a different kid

ok more seriously, i really do think juns story-- specifically his relationship with memory-- can easily be extracted into a jewish narrative. like nyarlathotep messed with his memories and convinced him that the other members of the masked circle killed maya right. and so the way he fanatically reminded himself of the past was a mix of trauma and active manipulation. but if i think abt it a certain way i also can see it as like. ok so in judaism memory is really important and like a lot of the time during for example passover, youre meant to refer to yourself as being a jew in egypt, saying "we" instead of "them" and such. but im specifically meaning how important memory/remembrance is in grieving. jun in his grief for mayas perceived death "kept her alive" in a way. she was never forgotten, and so she never died. even though the entire masked circle forgot, from trauma or fear or guilt or whatever, jun held on, remembering her, and so she survived. joker took peoples dreams but his actions also caused them to be completely be forgotten. they were alive, but they were robbed of their ability to be remembered at all, and so they were as good as dead even still breathing and talking.

retroactively, this idea enforces tatsuyas jewishness, considering the entire story of eternal punishment. he refused to forget the masked circle, even though it hurts.

anyways back to jun, i also think the whole repentance thing is important too. he hurt people in his anger and sorrow and spends the rest of his life (until the world is reset at least lol) atoning for his wrongdoings.

also, i know i said kid him is super jewish looking, but he has not gotten better as hes grown up. 17y.o him is exactly the guy your bubbe will pull up on facebook and be like "this is the grandson of my friend or whoever! you should go on a date with him, hes your age! he looks a bit gay but hes a very successful doctor! ...and hes JEWISH YAKNOW...." and ur like "ok bubbe"

ERIKO:

i actually do not recall exactly why she is in this tier specifically. the only thing i for sure remember was that i at least partially placed her here bc of her fascination with the occult.

HIKARI:

ok this one was kinda me goofing. its the whole extended family thing like whats more jewish than being actively discouraged from a creative career for something "safe" and "normal?" bro the aunt might as well have dropped the "being a doctor is very respectable" line in the song.

but like even without that, wanting to be a director or associated with film? hitting her with the jew beam. mazel tov babygirl.

[rei-caldombra]

Demon Girl Next Door Chapter 89 Review

I’m back to talking about one of my favorite series ever, Demon Girl Next Door / Machikado Mazoku. If you didn’t see my post giving my thoughts about Demon Girl Next Door as a whole back in September of last year, please check that out! I’m keeping the promise I made there of doing a post on each chapter of going forward. I’m very happy to finally be writing about chapter 89 of Demon Girl Next Door. There will be spoilers and this post is largely written chronologically with the chapter.

This chapter gets right back into the most recent plot development, which is Shamiko wanting to dive into Anri’s memories to obtain the family recipe that was lost in the fire. I’m very happy we are getting a lot more focus on Anri and getting introduced to her family. I’ve always really liked her as a minor character. She fits in perfectly with the cast as she is an eccentric weirdo like everyone else, but in a more normal flavor. She can be silly and gung ho with the weird things in this story that you’d think a normal person wouldn’t, but has more normal reactions and information. She is the most helpful for Shamiko navigating social situations. I think she helps keep things grounded while still contributing to the silly energy of the story. But who knows, that grounded normalcy may be changing in the future based on what we learn here. 

We’ve seen Shamiko’s abilities grow a lot in recent chapters. The most notable new one that is mentioned in this chapter is that Shamiko can now mend wounds, including broken bones. This is a pretty big deal, giving her a new way to be helpful to the people around her in a way only she can. Recent developments shown in this chapter are important and I'll get more into how great of a character Shamiko is later in the post.

Shamiko is such a caring girlfriend, making sure Momo eats properly while she is gone. I still love these two and they are the only couple I go full shipper with.

Some of the magical side of things is actually pretty complicated. Sion’s thing as a book demon got brought up here, which I will honestly say I do not get very well. I need to re-look at the arc that focused on her sometime and try to understand it better. I feel her purpose recently has largely been to give cryptic information that is not as helpful as it could be, when we know that she is or at least more knowledgeable about the wider story but doesn’t give us all that info. I don’t dislike her as a character, but I don’t love the way she is being used. It’s pretty much my only criticism of the series right now, and it’s hard to describe why she just doesn’t vibe with me. I think I just don’t like feeling that information is being withheld for no good reason. It’s not a problem of severe note, and maybe if I understand her better than I'll fully see a good reason. 

Oh boy this is officially our 2nd foray into proper horror in this series. A meat grinder is a good choice for the family of butchers. Those shots are genuinely creepy and well done, I’m terrified but excited to get more. The horror works especially well because of how long we have had with the series being very wholesome and cutesy. The juxtaposition works very well, so we will see if it continues to work well as we get more scary content. I'm confident it will.

We’re getting some serious lore here. It looks like this story involves the Russo-Japanese war, which I assume is mirroring the real life one. We also learned that demons participated in that war. If I remember correctly Momo was found by Sakura at a Russian facility and spoke Russian when Sakura approached her. So the Russo-Japanese war may have been the event that led to Sakura finding Momo. The old picture mentions Shirosawa which gives the story an avenue to how we can hear another account about this event. A big question going forward is how this factors into the conflict between demons and the light clan + magical girls. Were there demons and magical girls fighting together on both sides of wars? Or is it more in line with each faction being on one side? Is the world at large as aware of and blasé about magical stuff as Tama City is? It looks like we will see more into how magical beings have played into politics, and likely get more into detail about the conflict between the demons and light clan. This is some heavy stuff, showing how the series is maturing into taking itself seriously and has much more to say than just being wholesome and funny. I love the more serious directions it’s taken and hope it continues to feel well balanced with the wholesomeness we all love. 

In terms of what this means for Anri, it’s pretty complicated and hard to say right now. The issue in the family Sion mentioned is clearly about the darkness that came in at the end. The family must be under some kind of memory shenanigans. Right before they went into Anri’s home she says that she has a large family. But when they are eating at the table she states that they are a two child family, which totals at 4 people. That is not a large family by normal standards, that’s exactly average. Lilith’s “I see” response is likely her picking up on this. The table is also set in front of those chairs which is strange. When Shamiko goes into the dream we get to see more of the family tree, which I will admit I am not great at reading. But it’s clear that there are 3 siblings who are being blocked out from memory due to some terrible event. 

The ending to the dream dive is very rough for Shamiko. Shamiko started off being incapable and incompetent whose failures are mostly played for laughs. But it becomes clear that her weakness and lack of skills gave her issues of inadequacy. I think this stems largely from her long state of being physically weak and ill, along with her time of health where she generally appears as pretty stupid and unfit. We even get reminded of this idea in this chapter through the joke of Anri’s little brother only knowing her as losing and crying a lot. We saw these feelings showcased a lot with her initial interactions with Momo. Such as her getting angry over being looked down on and pitied, and thrusting herself into situations she is not prepared for like fighting Momo in desperation to prove herself. Over the course of the story we have seen her struggle and grow into a more confident and capable person. She got many genuine wins due to her own way of thinking and capabilities, such as defeating Sakura’s minion, freeing Ugallu, and most recently fixing Anri’s broken bone. She has grown to be much more secure with herself, but deep down she still has issues of inadequacy. This coupled with her desire to help people after seeing the darkness inside Anri, makes her feel like she did not succeed here even though she still completed her mission of getting the recipe. Shamiko deeply cares about helping others, likely due to her own past weakness, so when she is presented with the opportunity to help she puts everything else aside to focus on that. And she is still harsh on herself, calling herself a failure for not being able to help in a situation she just found out about. It’s details like this that makes Shamiko feel like such a realized and endearing character. 

I’m sure it won’t be long before Momo finds out about all this. She is quite perceptive, so I’m not too surprised that she would know that Anri usually sleeps early. We have seen her notice people’s minor behaviors to a surprising degree, such as when she mapped out how Shamiko’s tail portrays her emotions. It’s also nice to see that Shamiko also does not expect the deception to go on long, showing how well she knows her magical girlfriend. They’ve been close for awhile now and I believe the series does a great job of showing the growing understanding between them. They still have some conflicts but they know each other very well. This is one of the reasons why they are such a great couple. I trust that once she finds out she will help Shamiko get through this. 

I’m glad the first chapter we got in awhile is a meaty one! Absolutely worth the wait! I’m very interested to see how the story develops from here. And I do want to end by saying that if you love the series as much as I do, I highly encourage buying the manga and anime DVDs. It’s the best way to support the series. I’m not trying to guilt trip anyone, I just believe it’s best to monetarily support the media you truly care about when you can in addition to talking about how awesome it is online. Most of the manga is available in English already.

Thanks for reading! I’ll be doing posts on each chapter going forward so please stick around! Hopefully the wait will not be as long for the next chapter but I'm happy to wait as long as Ito Sensei needs.

[glory-of-gore]

Honestly some of the memes about how Skibidi Toilet is brainrot is more brainrotting than Skibidi Toilet in and of itself

I used to watch Skibidi Toilet occasionally just because of how utterly ridiculous of a meme it was, how off the rails it went and all the jokes about how it was actually compelling social commentary on war or whatever. I think this was before it became a mainstream conversation topic on gen alpha brainrot. It was just goofy crack to laugh at and pretend it was better than it actually was.

I watched a 4-chan video (yes, I know, you're free to clown on me) about the "long-term effects of Skibidi Toilet and gen-alpha brainrot" blaming it for kids' mental and behavioral issues. The whole video essentially treated it like the problem was just Skibidi Toilet and how garbage and effortless of a meme it was. Which is a very weird elitist thing. Since memes have existed we've had crack, shitposts and generally low-effort memes and laughed at their ridiculousness. "Our memes actually had substance 🙄" don't kid yourself, you once thought a Ugandan echidna was the funniest shit on the planet.

Yes, it's easy to see how the layout of Skibidi Toilet could make kids hyperactive or lower their attention spans. And it's a new meme, so naturally kids will be drawn to it. But to accuse purely Skibidi Toilet of being responsible for kids' "ADHD and psychosis" is ridiculous. Some of the things mentioned in that video had nothing to do with Skibidi Toilet in the first place - the poster said that Skibidi Toilet made kids they were looking after swear and moan sexually. Unless Skibidi Toilet just went completely off the rails since I last watched some of it, there was none of that in the meme. I fail to see how singing heads in toilets attacking TV people made your child sexually moan. It's very clear they picked that up from another meme/video.

It just feels like people are jumping on the "Skibidi Toilet bad" bandwagon to avoid any real discussion of the problem. The problem isn't Skibidi Toilet or any other meme in and of itself, it's a combination of factors of how the kids are being raised and how they're using technology. People's mental health in general has been getting worse over the past few years, the economy (in the US at least) is shit and more people are having kids out of a feeling of obligation rather than a genuine desire to help a kid grow and learn. More people are feeling like new technology can entertain their kids because they don't have the time or energy to do so. So they get drawn to new memes, like Skibidi Toilet and probably more explicit things they shouldn't be watching because their internet usage isn't properly monitored, and it's all they see and think about for hours upon hours every day. Of course that isn't healthy and of course it leads to behavioral issues at school which a lot of parents also don't feel like they should work to remedy because "it's the teacher's job."

There are so many things to consider here but people don't have the attention span to do that so they just go "this one specific meme made for shits and giggles is responsible for your kids' psychosis." Not only is blaming a specific piece of media for someone's mental and behavioral struggles a really tired thing to do at this point, but resorting to tired jokes because you don't have the attention span for a more in-depth argument is literally what brainrot is. It's also funny to see people making these statements on places like TikTok and YouTube Shorts which are designed to be addictive and mind-numbing.

[intersectionalpraxis]

I saw your yesterday comment about occupation of Palestine land by isreal with the help of uk and usa.

Do you read history on social media or books ?

Israeli live there before islam come in existence.

Islam came in existence in 610-613AD.

"The promise land" 1500-2000BC.

so that land belongs to both that's why they got 2 nations.

And if you think there should not be Israel because of Palestine.

With this logic, in Europe almost 15 countries will be vanished because they got their name after separation from Russia.

With this logic south Asian countries like Pakistan and bengladesh should not exist or INDIA should capture them.

In EAST ASIA , china should capture Taiwan.

And a lot more.

War is always worst for humanity.

But in War, only powerful Win.

" you pet a snake in your backyard and you think it will only bite your neighbours, that will never possible"

I wish you read more than making unnecessary noise on the internet with half knowledge

I'm genuinely curious, how old are you and what is your educational background?

What you're spouting here is Israeli and American propaganda/indoctrination.

Reminder: 'Israel' did not exist until 1948. Great Britain and the United States CREATED a space for Israeli settlers on Indigenous Palestinian land post World War 2. Palestinian people were there for a LONG time before Israeli's settled, displaced hundreds of thousands, and murdered tens of thousands of Palestinians if they did not leave (this is referred to the Nakba of 1948). This is a literal historical fact.

And you're asking me where I'm receiving my information? I have a Master's degree with a research background. If I'm ignorant about ANY topic I look into it extensively and properly. Making sure the sources I am looking at are reflexive and peer-reviewed and un-biased. And talk to experts when I can.

And the histories of the different countries you listed have completely different contexts. You can't convolute this with what has happened and is happening to Palestine. Because most of those regions separated from the major power/government in control to gain their sovereignty. What is not clicking here? The very existence of Israel has colonialist and imperialist roots. Israel isn't fighting for their independence from Palestine. Palestine was forcibly settled upon.

And wars are mostly started in the name of what? There's so much to unpack in a sentiment like that, but when a government has literal weapons of mass destruction and they're using it to suppress, oppress, and enact terror and genocide on another city or country who don't have near the capacity to defend itself then this is just unilateral violence. You act so flippant about the nature of war like "only the powerful win" as though wars don't devastate and destroy many people's lives and homes and entire communities.

Your comment has some of the most crass rhetoric I've read for the past 24 hours. Congratulations.

And also, while we are at it -the reason why American Christians support Israel is because they believe that if they save this 'holy land,' Jesus will return and if Jewish people do not convert to Christianity they won't see the pearly gates.

Again, all historical facts. Maybe you should dedicate more time to reading books and journal articles by Palestinian authors first, and then anti-Zionist Israeli Jewish people.

[separatist-apologist]

A couple of months ago I posted something about how we shouldn't care about what other side of the fandom think and do.

I said that it's weird that y'all specifically go to tiktok or reddit or other social medias to find out what they think and prove them wrong.

And they reblogged my post with this long ass quote about how people are intitled to do whatever they want and this is normal and how back in twilight era they had the same problem and this situation between these two group is absolutely normal...

I have no idea why they think if it's normal it also mean it's right? You're tiring people. The fact that I unfollowed both elucien and gwynriel tags bc of the amount of anti e/riel tags there.

And when I also said this they were like you should filter the tag if you don't want to see it.

THAT'S NOT THE POINT HERE!!!

You don't see? You're just like the people you try to criticise!!!

So many people agreed with that person which is disheartening... they genuinely believe they have no part in making this fandom more toxic and they're doing the right thing. But they are all a bunch of hypocrites...

I blocked most of those people instead of filtering the tag lol. Bc I don't want to go into G and E tags and witness half of the post hidden and the other half isn't tagged properly lmao

Maybe I shouldn't say this.

Oh well.

For a lot of people, being here has absolutely nothing to do with liking the ship. Or, it does, but its secondary to being right. And the minute you realize that there is a small, vocally obnoxious group on all ends of the shipping spectrum that are more obsessed with being "right" than the community the rest of us have built, you'll have a little peace.

Like how many of them can't wait until they get "proof" so they can harass people on the opposite end? They think, genuinely, that SJM confirming the ship will drive all the people they hate out and FINALLY they'll have...what?

Nothing. Because if all the people who ship your anti-ship are gone, you're irrelevant.

But in the meantime they'll suck out the enjoyment everyone else is trying to have and scream about how it's their right to be utterly joyless on the internet, even when it directly affects the rest of us just trying to mind our own business, because they DO NOT CARE about the community itself.

[smiggles]

This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.

I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.

But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.

Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.

I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.

But that's up to you now.

Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.

Read more below

Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could. I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you. But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do. For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves. I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most. As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience. If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer. In the end Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.

[panelshowsource]

random thoughts dump of the week bc none of this deserves its own post

coming down from a smol john kearns kick and really enjoyed it, guy has a ridiculously sweet presence and i really like his voice. it also brings me great joy his previous career was working in museums and as a tour guide. i would like that life, i think (i worked at universal orlando for a little bit in 2013 and was always super jealous of the vip tour guides lol). he mentioned on one of his rhlstps that despite winning arguably the biggest (british) comedy awards there are, he never released a standup special or dvd, and he kinda wants to keep it that way so he has something special between him and his live audience — and that really made me sad face. like, my guy, what about those of us who can't see you bc won't leave that damn island. (also ed gamble's new tour having no nyc date felt personal...) in another episode, he talked a little about, in great part due to social media, people want comedians they can know everything about, get the whole look of; comedians who are the same people onstage as off. he's not like that and doesn't really like the idea of that. i think there's a lot to say about that subject but i'll just leave it for now...

speaking of touring ed byrne next week!!! and jimmy and alan carr coming up!! what a fun time :')

speaking of rhlstp and ed, one thing that occurred to me and i thought was quite funny upon listening to his recent episode is that both richard and ed have that self-aware side of them that admits to bitterness, professional jealousy, annoyance with critics/haters, believing they're not as successful as they deserve to be, etc. while it can come off whiney here and there, it's not too obnoxious or anything, i just found it amusing they had this (often concealed or private) quality in common. i might even put jenny eclair in that camp (others too but that's a discourse i don't really wanna start lmao)

if another youtuber, following amelia dimoldenberg (and munya? does he count?), had to go on taskmaster i would probably vote for ollie kendal off of jolly. in my mind he and alex would be genuinely good friends outside of the show

man i miss the horne section podcast so bad

honestly, i'm a little surprised david mitchell doesn't have a podcast. he loves radio, it's not too demanding of a gig, and he's got tons of interests that could make engaging premises for podcasts... i'm sure someone has floated this to him before, so i need the reason why he said no. maybe he was busy with his book. would love a history pod fr

does anyone else ever remember when david mitchell was in rick and morty and just sit back and go O_O also when he was on graham norton with hillary clinton like lmaooo i just love the idea of the booking agents for that show being like "we're having fucking hillary clinton on who can we bring for comic relief who is a household name but not problematic but intelligent but actually funny" i mean they hit the jackpot of course but it cracks me up that that's his brand

did david ever watch succession? rob def did but i need more about it from both of them

sometimes i think about when david accepted his bafta for peep show and the music that was playing while he walked to the stage was "sex on fire" by kings of leon hahahahaha like what who was djing that night fr

where did charlie brooker go

speaking of back in the day — and i do mean back, like 15+ years ago — and my main panel show obsession was buzzcocks, there were a few non-comedians who would come on panel shows who were properly fucking funny, like martin freeman and josh groban, and i'd always pray they'd eventually come on again. and i think at the time the person at the top of my list was professor green. how random is that TT he was just always up for laugh and just so likable. i also LOVED the song "just good to be green" with lily allen in like 2010 lmaooo this really ages me :)

been really enjoying some old angus deayton-hosted stuff, like old hignfy and wilty. i got into panel shows after he'd stepped out of the spotlight, but i remember being crushed when i found out about his scandal. i also remember stephen fry standing up for him and chastising paul & ian publicly after That Episode of hignfy — which absolutely blew my mind, even though stephen has always said what he thinks — and i agreed with him and am not sure even today if i fully forgave paul & ian for how they treated angus. ik he's still here and there, but i wonder if we'll ever see him in any properly notable capacity again

just watched the latest hignfy actually and jack dee pheww he's ageing very nicely let me just say it and pheww emmanuel sonubi please and thank you. also, paul's outfit was quite nice. an enjoyment of the eyes indeed

i've been making a lot of typos in my gifs lately for literally no reason other than not proofreading my rushing and it's embarrazzing i'm gonna do better

speaking of gifs i have NOTHING!!! in my drafts folder. nothing. no content. nothing is made. nothing in the queue. [sigh] sounds like tonight we be bustin it out huh. idk about other gifmakers (i actually don't follow any other panel show blogs, but this isn't necessarily a panel show blog thing, just a regular original content thing) but i don't usually make gifs throughout the week — instead, like, marathon gif like two times a week and build up 10–20 drafts to post throughout the week. if you gif every single day or to keep up with all of the new content, it starts to become a chore, which is never fun :(

speaking of which i probably won't gif outsiders too much because people don't seem to care too much about it + the webrips are just...so ugly in gif form, even at 1080p! it's a dave thing fr, taskmaster used to be the same way -_-

okay here we go into gif mode btw i got some of your requests and will def make them!!

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

hello!! may i please be shipped? preferably the outsiders, but i also know/like hazbin and atla if you think i'd work better with someone there. also, is it possible to give too much information? i feel like i rambled bad while also giving you nothing, so sorry!!

i'm genderqueer (they/them), but generally really feminine in body and fashion. i'd consider myself queer, *heavy* preference towards men and i'm on the aroace-spectrum (grayromantic and sex-neutral, i just need extra communication mostly).

fairly short, standing at 5' 2" without shoes but i wear a lot of platforms. usually i'm 5' 6" in public, haha. my eyes are a really soft brown, and i have a fairly round face. my hair is brown, but that kind of ashy brown that people who were blonde in childhood get. if the light hits it right and i get enough sun, it still gets goldish. i use to have a wolfcut/shaggy mullet but it's grown out a bit so now it's just awkwardly choppy and hits my collarbone. hopefully i'll be motivated to cut it soon, but depression has struck, so... anyway, i'm fairly thin and petite, nice hips but pretty generally average. conventionally attractive in a "plain" way if i cared to shave everything and play with makeup, but usually i don't because i'm totally cool with being attractive in less conventional ways. on most days, i wear leggings and either sweaters or crop tops depending on the weather. i've had mad body issues my whole life and am just starting to get properly comfy with my relationship with food.

i'm an *extreme* introvert. not into people at all, usually. i keep a very small circle, the people that i like are everything to me. when i do like someone, though, i'm extremely affectionate, even platonically. i'm also autistic, i tend to ramble and infodump for hours and i am extremely hostile about changes. like, i get angry meltdowns. usually i'm good about communicating when i need to step away and you won't see me go beyond irritable and quietly fuming, but push me and ignore my warnings and things will be thrown and i probably won't be the only one in tears when we're done. i get mean when cornered. something i work on and there are multiple verbal warnings before i get there, but it's how big stress hits me. i have a really sarcastic, dry humor. a lot of people have told me that i come off as really rude and cold at first, but i'm really just quiet and focused and when you get past that i'm good. i have high expectations for myself and others, *mostly* myself. i'm hardworking when i am working for others, but when it's for myself i just don't have the energy. i'm really socially awkward, i don't really understand friendship and am always genuinely taken aback when people call me their friend. i've been called extremely logical, which i find odd since i'm so sensitive and emotional. though i guess people mean i can logically and clearly think things out even in the middle of being very emotional, which is accurate. usually, i'm very much just happy to be here. like, i genuinely don't have opinions on dinner or activities or whatever, i'm just happy to do something. unless there are plans being actively broken by it, i am super go-with-the-flow... which means i avoid plans like the plague so that i can stay that way.

my main interests are the death industry, food, history, and kink. sex work and kink, and death are my special interests, and i will talk about both at great length and utter random. i want to learn to pole dance, but there are no classes near me and i dont drive. also, i'm personally athiest, but i find theology so cool due to my love of death. what happens when you die, you know? i'm more into the funeral side of things, though. i adore cats, spiders, skunks, and bats. currently, i have 2 cats. they are my babies and i would kill and die for them. rain is the superior weather, i love going on walks during storms and sitting outside in the rain. i like most history, but i especially love 1950s-80s and the loose medieval/renaissance era type of fantasy settings. which is fantasy, but i'm considering it history because of how much history research i do to daydream about it, haha. the renfair is something i look forward to every year, it's my very favorite place.

my hobbies include drawing (but i almost never do... dang depression), hiking, cooking, playing checkers and pool (only games i don't suck at--), and researching my interests. i watch an ungodly amount of video essays, tbh. my search history could probably churn stomachs based on the rabbitholes my special interests take me down, and how often i've been uelled at for sharing fun facts. in theory, i'd like sewing, reading, and gaming. for reading and games, i get too overwhelmed and stick to audio books and watching let's plays. sewing i get mad at, i love it when i can force myself to do something simple but i try to get ambitious and i get frustrated and drop it for a year.

i smoke/vape socially and drink occasionally. i cut my own hair (poorly) because i refuse to spend money on something i can do myself and i don't really care if it turns out janky. i don't drive because it's too overwhelming and i will stress myself into a delusional state, i don't think i'll ever get a license. big time caffeine addict, i will throw up and pass out over it.

i try to give off ghibli, grandparentcore, cozy vibes. i say as i give you all of my angry, gnarly, nasty traits, haha.

Your Outsiders Ship: Sodapop Curtis!

Explanation: starting off with looks, I think that he would love you from your soft round face to the fact that you looks so unique and your style and gender identity I just think that he would love that he would eat it up because he’s also the most feminine greaser for a guy and I don’t know. I just think that he would love the way that you dress and he would also like that you’re short he would definitely tease you a lot about being short like whether that means lifting you up to show how small you are doing other things like that he would he would do It. He thinks you’re absolutely stunning and really loves your hair and how awkwardly choppy it is. I just think that he thinks it makes you more unique and he doesn’t mind that you don’t shave or wear it make up. He just thinks that it’s one more thing that makes you really Pretty. Also, he would be very supportive of eating disorder recovery. I feel like he’s the type of God to consistently check in with you and make sure that you’re eating all right and would definitely make specific foods for you. He would also constantly buy you food that you like, working extra shifts at his job in order to make sure that he can make a special meal for you. I personally think that your dynamic would be extremely cute because he’s the opposite of you where he’s a very much social butterfly. I definitely think that Steve is his close friend, but he is a lot of friends around like he’s the type of person that could go into town and see at least 20 different people that he knows and he’ll like wave to them and you’ll be like who’s that and he’ll go into like a short story of how he knows that person he’s definitely that type of person and I just think that you guys could maybe help each other like you could help him with his people pleasing tendencies and he can maybe help you Step out of your inner circle a little bit to expose yourself to more people. (Not violating any social break boundaries ofc) he loves how affectionate you are and I definitely think that he would be one of the only people that would be able to calm me down whenever you’re having an angry meltdown like I think he would be very supportive and he’s extremely optimistic, so I feel like he wouldn’t get back at you and he would be one of the best people to have around for it. He will never push you or ignore your warnings. That’s another thing. He’s amazing at respecting boundaries and I feel like if you let him know about something he would definitely stop. He’s also pretty hard-working and even though you might come across his little bit cold at first, I think he’s definitely the type of person that would try to break the ice and joke around with you at least until you like him because like I said this dude has people pleasing tendencies and if he thinks you don’t like him, he will put a lot of his energy into trying to get you to like him so yeah I mean that’s personally how I view soda. But I feel like that’s one of the reasons that he’s kind of able to break past that layer. He would find many of your interests fascinating and if you went to a long ramble about him, I’m sure he would listen to every word and then I feel like he’s the type of person to try and bring it up with his brother at dinner and if it’s something particularly like gruesome or gross, they definitely have to shut him up because he still trying to talk about what you told him earlier earlier that day. I think you guys have really deep late night conversations about what happens when you die or things like that and I feel like he would have like the craziest most specific theory ever if you’ve ever seen the good place then you’ll know this reference, but there’s that one guy that like guesses a lot of what’s happens when you die in the good place universe and then he’s like famous in the good place and I feel like that would be soda pop Curtis. he would also get along really well with your cats even though he’s definitely more of a dog person and probably prefers them. I feel like he just loves pets in general would get along with your cats

And cuddle them with you. He would love going on hikes with you, and I think he would also adore that you draw, and if you ever drew something of him or inspired by him, he would cherish it forever and just be so in love with it. Also, you should do your make up on him. I think he would love that if you did eyeliner on him I just think he would look so good in it and I think that he would I don’t know just rock it. In Canon, you should never bring this man into a kitchen, and I stand by that it will just end up being a flower fight or something like that you will not get anything done and whatever you’re trying to make will have massive amount of food coloring. He doesn’t really like reading himself, but if you ever listen to an audiobook around him or read to him, I think he’d love it. Also, he loves your special interest already mentioned, but I feel like he would be interested in those topics as well. You might have to break some things down for him but once he gets it, I feel like he would put in an effort to talk about it with you. I feel like he would try to get you to not smoke or drink as much and if you were with him, I feel like you wouldn’t you wouldn’t do any of that stuff as much as usual. Anyway, I actually really ship you guys and I tried to make this long and worthy of all the information you got me so 💚💚💚 I also apologize for the wait

[moonystoes]

The only reason I feel like Elisa and Jadde might not be dating is that Jadde reposts quite a bit of straight couple inspo stuff on TikTok. Unless she’s one of those girls who thinks dating a masc is like dating a guy…

Wow too many layers to unravel for this ask. I had my assumptions too so I don't want you to feel guilty for saying this.

I originally wrote like a whole essay discussing this, until I went on tiktok to see what you were talking about and 😦

I will still keep some of my points here because I do think they're still valid.

Anything marked with RED was written before looking at her tiktok reposts. GREEN is after.

Topic one: Social media

1) I think many people forget how difficult it is to come out into the internet, especially when your audience is crazy thirsty men. It also seems like she probably won't stop attracting them because of her content (im not saying that she is attracting men on purpose, I'm saying that her content is usually catered to that certain area of the internet).

If you noticed on her comments, they're always men complimenting her, trying to get her attention, etc. Maybe some of these men are actual gentlemen, but let's not forget that they're still men. What do you think would happen when a 5'2 pretty woman with a 'hot body' came out and spoke about having a girlfriend? Do you know how people will flip out? I'm not fully aware on how the queer community is viewed in France... but homophobia is everywhere and men would go crazy when they find out the hot woman they like is with a woman instead of 'them'.

2) Now after that video slip up she made that had Elisa, she probably would NOT post about gay content or anything with Elisa. Because some of the fangirls would take those videos and make assumptions (...me 🙈) and try to get involved into their relationship even more.

3) After I saw the reposts, i was speechless. I wrote the two points above before I went on tiktok to see, and now I'm just staring at Jadde like 😦😦. I will speak about them below, but after I saw the reposts I just KNOW she's straight... it doesn't matter if she's going through a gay crisis right now, those reposts are all about a specific type of men (see topic three, point 3).

Topic two: Sexuality

1) now one of the reasons that made me go 'oh? Maybe they're just friends' is when I found out all of her public partners were men. But people need to stop disrespecting bisexuals, maybe that's what she is. Just because she hadn't dated women before doesn't make her straight.

2) yeah... I still refuse to believe she's not straight after that I'm sorry.

Topic three: Tiktok reposts (faith and type)

1) I don't want to disrespect Christians, because I am Muslim and both of our religions are quite similar. There are also a lot of queer Christians that practice their faith religiously while still being gay, they do exist. (Elisa used to wear a cross bracelet all the time, I'm not sure if she left Christianity, but she wears a van cleef bracelet now). However, the Christian posts from Jadde's reposts may have been a slight indication for me that she could be straight, but that doesn't mean she is 100%. Also genuine question... this is very off topic but I want to ask any Christian who sees this a question. As a Muslim, we have 'practice what you preach'. An example is: if a non hijabi comes and says 'women should wear the hijab and cover up and theyre dressing like whores blah blah'... that's a hypocrite. Although it's not haram (forbidden) to advice someone even if you commit the sin because sometimes it's hard to stop something, it's not liked. And if you see comments of non-hijabi's mocking hijabis for not wearing it properly, you'd see the responses to them are very harsh. Because tf are you coming here talking about how this hijabi woman is 'not wearing it properly' but your tits are out??? But that's Islam. And the reason why I brought this up is because I saw this on her reposts:

Babe... your ass cheeks are on the internet. I can literally see the outline of your vagina and buttcrack from those gym shorts. I'm sorry but what 😭 do you not want a man? You want them to avoid you? Your reposts are all about your future MALE partner and how Christianity is important but...yk what nvm.

And even when I said that it's okay to advice someone on something that you also do because it may be hard to stop, wearing modest clothes (especially on the internet) is not that difficult yk... like babe take your advice.

2) okay... now the reason why I don't think she is queer whatsoever is because of this specific repost that made me go??? Oh!

Basically this man is saying that if his kid ends up being 'non-binary', he will 'get milk'. Which means that he will disown his kid and leave them alone. I think what confuses me is if Jadde is actually dating Elisa, she wouldn't repost that because she's GAY?? I know that being non-binary isn't connected to being a lesbian or bi, but it's from the same community and it still makes no sense why a wlw woman would repost that. Idk, it gave me the ick.

☆ okay I got an update from a French person about how French people view non-binary people here.

3) Uhm... now about the romantic reposts you were talking about. I REFUSE to accept she's actually into women. If you're too lazy to look at her reposts, they are all about the same thing; hyper-masculine men that provide, aggressive, alpha male, extra rich and would provide her everything.

It seems as though she is the type of person who is old-fashioned when it comes to relationships. And I don't want to shame women who are like that, but that's not how it works when you're dating a woman.

Dating a woman is nothing like dating a man, even if they're dressed masculine. I've already made a whole post about this, Jadde can not be dating a woman. Not with these standards. Even though we don't know much about how Elisa is as a girlfriend, we know that she is still a girl at the end of the day. If you guys know Torinha (a masc brazilian tiktoker), she made a joke saying that mascs are 'trucks'... but not a black jeep, just a barbie truck. And I think that's a cute way to describe it 🥺.

This is just SOMETHING from what she reposts, there are A LOT:

4) if she truly was dating Elisa (I really hope they're not 😭), her reposts would still be extremely disrespectful. Especially because she reposts about male relationships all the time while being in a relationship with a girl (also elisa said she was not single on January 31, and these reposts are recent so she is 'dating' elisa while reposting this). All these reposts about men being rich, men doing this, men taking a girl on a date, men this, men that. MEN MEN MEN MEN. I don't care if you're bisexual, if you're in a relationship with a girl you need to RESPECT it.

☆ she also has this obsession of marrying and dating rich men that buy mansions and private jets and all the filthy rich things... babe you're dating a FEMALE player not a male player 😭😭 Elisa probably makes less money then her bffr lollll.

Topic four: The champions league match

1) okay last topic fr, this is one of the many reasons why I don't think she's dating Elisa; and it's the way she went on live after the lyon match. Basically after psg lost against lyon, Jadde went on live a few hours after that and was dancing and listening to music. Now I don't want to call her a shitty gf, but i feel like if your gf just lost a semifinal to her biggest rivals (and also getting dragged on the internet for her performance) you would try to be there for her. But she was chatting with the guys on her live and singing.

2) Fleur WAS there at the match. She was there supporting Elisa, and even though Fleur doesn't watch every match of Elisa, she still comes to many of them. I do remember the story Elisa made with fleur at the nation's league final with a caption 'family ❤️'. Also, Elisa and fleur still make weird ass comments about sharing clothes on captions and I feel like if Elisa was dating someone else, she'd have to respect and have boundaries with her best friend yk.

■Okay Basically the moral of all of this is that you [anon] are right, elisa and Jadde are probably not dating. I'm assuming they're just gym buddies or something, because I personally wouldn't want to date someone that reposts content that is harmful to my own community.

■Also I'm sorry for this long yap I really needed to share my opinion on the whole jadde and Elisa situation. I was scared if I sounded like a jealous weirdo if I brought it up thank you 😭😭

[helldenizen]

Here's a masterpost for John Doe so he can be a part of @smallartistocbracket

I'm sorry in advance for all my description and text, I'm god awful with writing text and whatever I made up is kinda difficult for me to articulate. If there’s something you don’t get from this description, or have some general questions about John Doe(or my other characters) you’re free to ask!

They are an eldritch being who despite their pretty grim nature, generally is pretty chill. What makes them quite different from other eldritch beings is that they developed a genuine interest in humans. This is also why they have a pretty consistent human body avatar, which they use to interact with people and just hang around in the deep forest of their realm.

His powers are “Delusion” and “Lost”(explanations for those under read more)

Some bullet point facts:

They use any pronouns, but prefer they/him.

They managed to befriend one human, who is a conspiracy theorist and cryptozoology enthusiast(and who is also my other OC: Irwing Pasternak)

Their favorite animals are maggots(and he's generally really like insects, bugs and worms)

Their current avatar body is 188 cm(6’2 ft)

John kinda doesn't understand the way humans communicate with speech properly. So their speech patterns and intonation are all over the place. He doesn’t use intonation on the whole sentence, instead he uses it on every single word. He uses different intonation for every word, and he also makes small pauses between words.  (and that’s apart from them obviously, not understanding some social norms , a.k.a. “things you aren’t supposed to speak with others about”)

Smile is kinda the “default” of his face. It’s also important that no matter the expression he makes, their mouth will always be kinda open.

More info(and art) under the cut:

There’s quite a lot of things I made up about him, but a lot of them are related to other characters and aren't polished enough, so I will write some essentials.

What’s his “Delusion” power?

John Doe is one of four “eternal lies” siblings, and his birth name is Delusion. Though the name doesn’t represent what they are as a whole. John “Delusion” Doe represents the way consciousness affects and interacts with itself. Reflection, Imagination, and everything physiological(and psychiatric) is in his prerogatory, no matter how exactly it affects someone. You can say they kinda “keep” all those things in reality.

What’s their “Lost” power?

But there is more. First, a little background. You see, in my made up universe eldritch beings either spawn into existence themselfs or they are created by another one. If an eldritch being decides to create another one it is expected to do so alone. And that's how it went until John Doe, they were created by two pretty different beings. That’s why he’s responsible for two quite different powers.

“Lost” power makes things, well, get lost. But it’s not just power, it’s kinda the way he “feeds”, and is similar to what is breathing for humans — they are constantly “doing” it, can control the rate and some other factors to an extent, but most importantly, they can’t just stop it.

What can get “Lost”? Everything: humans, animals, plants, different inanimate objects, even information. 

But very basically, getting “Lost”, is being sent to John’s realm, and the consequences of being there. You see, the more you’re in this realm the more information about you is being erased from existence. So even if you get out of there(which is possible), you can find out that your friends and family don’t remember and even legal documents regarding you. If you spend enough time in the realm you will start losing memories yourself, and the end result of this is that you stop existing altogether. Though it’s highly unlikely that you will survive long enough to enter that stage, because this “Lost” realm is pretty dangerous.

On how his avatar body is made

Oh…um…buckle up with this one. And I think this one can be kinda distressing (yea this one, not the whole “Lost” realm stuff). 

You see John can't just create a body for themself out of nothing, he must use something for it. And the thing is, he can only use something that is lost in his realm. If he wants to look human… well… while it is technically doesn't matter if someone/something is alive for him to "use their matter" John really doesn't like the idea of actively killing someone, so he just waits for them to die… and he uses human corpses… and, like, he can just overtake it or "stitch" body from several corpses, but he learnt how to deform body matter that he “owns” to some extent… their avatar body is like, a corpse amalgamation. 

So, basically, what I'm saying, is that his body tone appears purplish, for a reason.

John also struggles with keeping eyes solid because of this, so they don’t actually recreate human eyes with their form. Instead he either makes you see(makes you hallucinate, basically) purple and yellow irises in place of eyes or just normal eyes(that depends on the situation). But mostly, they just wear shades.

[ya-killin-me-smalls]

SCUTTLES IN HERE. I'M SO OPEN TO HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS

under the cut for possible spoilers

okay so first off Deimos is a super unreliable narrator. I don't know if I'm making that clear in the fic but his worldview is completely warped and his ability to read social cues is non-existent. coupled with the head trauma and his emotional instability, half of the descriptions of other's demeanor, expressions, and tone of voice is inaccurate to what's actually going on. he'll think Doc sounds disappointed or irritated but he's honest to god worried sick over him. he thinks Sanford hates him and thinks he's a monster, and Sanford has his own little history with clones that I wanna get into, but end of the day he has no personal issues with Deimos. he just thinks he's dangerous in the wrong hands (the moral status of Doc's hands are ambiguous as far as he's concerned). Hank does not like Deimos and is possibly the only person he can actually read properly. and it isn't a personal dislike, but he is also of the opinion that Deimos is dangerous and Doc, being Hank's ""friend"" and more importantly life support, is considered 'at risk' if he's in the same room as Deimos. also Hank knows a lot more about Doc's feelings in this whole situation than anyone else because again, friends (college roommates)

that being said Doc is 100% smitten and has been for a very long time. but he also acknowledges that Deimos is very much so not right in the head even slightly and is afraid of taking advantage of Deimos's need to please. he's slowly feeling him out to try and figure out what Deimos actually wants and if this actually makes him happy. he's like. trying so hard not to be selfish about things because if it were completely up to him he'd never put Deimos in the field again and would shower him with affection 24/7. it would make Deimos miserable though. he needs a purpose in life and part of that purpose needs to be hurting others, and too much positive treatment makes him pull back faster than anything else. so while Doc does his best to keep Deimos content with the work he's given and tries to keep his own feelings on the downlow, he's not necessarily happy about it

I really wanna write Deimos going into shock after making it back to the SQ because that was the first time Doc had felt genuine fear in a long time. wasn't a person near him that didn't get yelled at to Fix Him

Sanford and Deimos are gonna become decent-good friends as the story progresses, mostly because Deimos starts to realize that Sanford is right in a lot of ways and Sanford can't really think of Deimos as 'just another clone' after he was saved by him

this version of Deimos deviates completely from the Defective-storyline in that Deimos is actually the product of the Agency trying to create stronger, more violent, more tenacious soldiers that wouldn't back down from Hank. the result? one that didnt turn out completely out of control and was kept under thumb for most of his life by his handler, who I also wanna dig into. basically he's engineered to be dangerous and highly unstable/reactive. can't break a mind that's already broken

Hank might come around a little, but at the end of the day he still thinks Deimos is gonna snap and kill Doc or Sanford someday. ticking timebomb

he's got that whole thing about people touching his face/head because I refuse to let go of the "he had his jaw broken by the Agency" headcanon. he has PTSD about a lot of things but that's a big one

despite the title being the name of a TOP song it was actually inspired by The Loneliest by Maneskin which is funny because the fic is Deimos pov but the song would be from Doc's