#also have a migraine and the meds are making me so so sick as always

[milkweedman]

Totally fucked up the order, so am now attempting to recreate it from the pictures that i took of each warp on the board, with the hopes that the 3rd warp will at least be well behaved. If it isnt im gonna need to do another round of towels (or maybe just a test warp) bc i cant be doing this on the blanket commission. Am very very aware of how tangled this warp will be. Only potential saving grace is that imo cotton doesnt tangle anywhere near as badly as wool, so hopefully it wont be too horribly bad.

It is going, though. About halfway done dressing the heddles. Next will be sleying the reed. Hoping to get all the warping done by tomorrow.

[reserwrekt]

I hate having an autoimmune disease that can have the most random variety of side effects of inflammation everywhere I have veins (so everywhere) and not ever knowing which are viral or just my condition.

Like for example, since I started having symptoms of my condition I've had unusual side effects that no one else with my condition gets because we all have different shit going on, but my tonsils ALWAYS SWELL no matter if its viral or just me.

So basically my partner and I wait around to see if she gets a sore throat or a fever, too, but most the time it's just me..

[scientia-rex]

Hi Dr. Kristophine, do you have any advice on what kind of information doctors need for medical issues that are more nebulous than "my knees hurt"? I've been feeling Weird and Bad in a way that has me concerned, but I'm afraid to make an appointment because I don't know what to say that will get the Weird and Bad feeling across in an actionable way. Going to the doctor takes SO much energy that I don't have to waste and I don't want them to just take a blood test and say everything's fine go home (again).

The best thing you can do with medical information you're trying to prepare for your medical provider, as a lay person, is be as specific as possible.

-Location: Is it one place in particular, or everywhere? Does it stay in one place, or move around?

-Timing: When did it start? Did it come on suddenly or slowly? Does it happen continuously? Does it come and go? Is it always there to some extent, but it gets better and worse? On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being fine and 10 being the worst you can imagine, how bad is it at its best, and how bad is it at its worst? How much time does it spend really bad vs only kind of bad?

-Quality: If it's pain, is it aching, burning, stabbing, dull, electrical zap, etc.? If it's not pain, what is it? Is it discomfort? Is it weakness--i.e., you can't do that thing? Is it fatigue--like maybe you can still push through doing the thing but it feels like you're trying to wade through mud to do it? Is it a racing heart, sweating, pressure?

-Triggers: Does something in particular set it off? A time of day, a food, an action, a medication, a thought? A surprisingly common trigger for migraines is sitting still with your neck in one position. (New research suggests that necks are critical to migraine formation, to which I yelled out loud at the paper, no duh!) There may be triggers you haven't noticed; try keeping a symptom diary, where you note down when you have episodes and what you were doing beforehand, what you ate that day, menstrual phase, etc. Any detail that you can remember, whether or not it seems relevant at the time.

I cannot tell you how many times I've dug deeper into a chronic issue only to discover that the patient can, in fact, tell me what the trigger is, but because it's something important to them, they simply haven't noticed. May subconsciously even avoided noticing. Do you get migraines every time you DM? Do you need to work a stretch break into your D&D session?

There can also absolutely be multiple triggers--I know I'll get migraines if I don't sleep, if I'm sick, if I sit still for too long, if I have dental work, etc.

So bring in all the info you can. Write it down if you're afraid you'll forget. Don't hand it to the MA, too many doctors will go "oh my GOD they brought a LIST how high-maintenance" and tune out. Hang on to it but tell them about everything.

I don't expect patients to be able to tell me "I believe I've had a left radial styloid fracture" but I do expect them to tell me "I fell and tried to catch myself with my left hand and now my wrist hurts," and that's good enough. The rest of it is my job. When it's something more vague, like "I started feeling different and bad about six months ago," any other information helps. Did you start a new med around then? Are you going through menopause? Do you struggle with anxiety? Do you have first-degree relatives (parent, sibling, or child) with genetic disorders, autoimmune disorders, etc.? Do you have a history of anemia? Are you vegan? Have you started having night sweats and unexplained weight loss? Did you recently travel internationally? This can go a lot more different directions than a hurty wrist, so bring in all the info you can.

And keep in mind that modern medicine is very limited--much more so than most people think. There is an excellent chance that medicine will not be able to diagnose your condition. It may still be able to offer treatment. It may fall on your shoulders to manage it as best you can, knowing that doctors don't have answers. Nobody can tell me why I have chronic pain, and I don't mean as in "I've asked doctors and they don't know," I mean "I've personally scoured the literature and had the relevant and appropriate tests and no one can know at this phase of medical knowledge." So I deal with it, I've stopped trying to push myself past my reserves because people who can't admit to ignorance tell me to, I keep my painful body moving because that helps, I do PT, I take a multivitamin occasionally because I know my diet sucks. I manage.

There are not always right or wrong answers--I don't take gabapentin, because I don't want the sedation and kidney exposure, but patients with my exact symptoms might find it helpful and may find the risks and costs worth the benefits. My mother, who has whatever it is that I have, right down to the tricky stomach, from whom I presumably inherited it, has taken medication at different points in her life, depending on how much pain she was in and what other responsibilities she has, and that is perfectly reasonable. Autonomy matters. People have to be able to make these choices for themselves, with assistance but not paternalism from their medical professionals, because the math is different for everyone.

[alohajun]

admin I was reading through your master list and noticed that for treasure, the reaction to a fight+s/o fainting doesn’t have anything for dobby ruto woo and Hwan! Now that they’re older might you consider writing that for them? (I just love angst)

♡ TREASURE’S REACTIONS WHEN YOU CRY + FAINT DURING AN ARGUMENT

maknae line treasure x gn!reader | wc : 0.9k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, use of petnames, reader crying + fainting + feeling sick, arguing, angst (and slight fluff if you squint) | loki's lines : ask and you shall receive!

KIM DOYOUNG

🐰 doyoung never lets fights escalate, always calming you down before it gets too serious

🐰 but with you being sick, it only ticked you off more when he did so

🐰 "babes, please sit down. you shouldn't be walking around when you are sick."

🐰 he was being nothing but sweet to you, but obv in your sick state, you were only pissed off by his words and gestures

🐰 "i will sit when i fucking want to!" you yelled, your own voice giving you a headache

🐰 doyoung was at your side as you clutched your head, wiping away the tears that fell down your face

🐰 "baby, talk to me. what do you want? what can i do for you?"

🐰 you felt bad instantly, guilty at the fact that you yelled at your boyfriend, who wanted nothing but the best for you

🐰 "i'm sorry. i really am. i'm so sorry."

🐰 you repeated your apologies over and over, your words slurring as your headache was too much to handle

🐰 doyoung knew what was happening before you could even get a word out, making you sit down on the sofa as the spots took over your vision before you passed out

🐰 he kept his calm even though he was internally freaking out, only heaving a breath when you opened your eyes, finally regaining consciousness

🐰 “gosh, princess. you gave me quite the scare right now, you know?”

WATANABE HARUTO

🦙 bro is in full panic mode as soon as you raise your voice at him

🦙 ruto is so convinced you are gonna leave him when you two get into an argument

🦙 and he's just creating contingencies in his head to make you stay with him bc he doesn't want you to leave him

🦙 “baby, please don't raise your voice. let's talk this out softly, hm?”

🦙 you knew you were going overboard and your migraine didn't help at all

🦙 not wanting to hurt your beloved bf further, you turned on your heel, attempting to take a step away

🦙 but all you are hit with is a wave of nausea and dizziness, making you still in your place

🦙 you only managed to say “haruto … i don't feel good” before fainting, falling right into his arms as he caught you

🦙 he is going insane with the things running through his head, wondering if what was happening was normal or not

🦙 but he also knew of your migraines and how iffy you got when you had them

🦙 he'd analyse your behavioral pattern as he laid you in bed, realizing you were having a super bad migraine

🦙 haruto would have your meds by your side as you came around, giving it to you as soon as you opened your eyes

🦙 he's also not leaving your side until you agree to go to a doctor bc he's not about to have you fainting on him again

🦙 “no idc if you think this is normal, i won't be able to rest well until you check this out with a doctor, okay, babes?”

PARK JEONGWOO

🐺 he doesn't get angry often, but when he does, it's an absolute war

🐺 woo would get too angry to even notice the signs of you not feeling well

🐺 you usually kept quiet when he got angry so he thought little of your silence when he was ranting

🐺 it wasn't until you tapped his shoulder mid-rant that he realized something was definitely wrong with you

🐺 he'd see the tears on your face and wonder if he went too far, but what happened next only screwed with his mind even more

🐺 “i understand we have our differences, but we must—jagiya, what's wrong?”

🐺 you didn't even have enough time to get out the words you wanted to say, falling directly into his arms

🐺 jeongwoo would be in full-blown panic, tearing up instantly as he felt guilty for not being more observant of you

🐺 “jagi. jagiya. please open your eyes and tell me you are alright. please.”

SO JUNGHWAN

🐮 junghwan didn't really mean to get as angry as he did when speaking to you

🐮 he knew you were sick and strictly ordered you to stay in bed and not worry about doing anything around the house

🐮 but when he came back home and saw you doing a deep-clean, he couldn't help but get angry at you

🐮 “y/n! i told you to stay put! why are you doing everything i asked you not to?!”

🐮 you'd be startled at his reaction, tearing up instantaneously at his words

🐮 “i'm sorry, hwanie. i really am. please don't leave me. i'm sorry.”

🐮 junghwan would instantly pause at your words, realizing he must've scared you

🐮 “no, no. hey, y/n. i didn't mean it like that. why would i leave you? i'm sorry for scaring you like that.”

🐮 he'd apologise constantly, afraid to approach you as you cowered in the corner, clutching your head as you quietly sobbed

🐮 junghwan would realize immediately that something was wrong when you rested your hands on the floor, a dazed look in your eyes

🐮 before he could ask you, your body gave away, falling to the floor with a light thud

🐮 instantly, junghwan is by your side, tapping whichever hyung’s number came up first as he called them to get help

🐮 they'd calm him over the phone, letting him know it was just a moment of being overwhelmed and that you weren't seriously unwell

🐮 once you wake up, he's holding you in a tight hug, muttering apologies repeatedly

🐮 “i'm so sorry for making you feel like that, y/n. i promise i won't ever do that again. please don't leave me. i love you, please. i'm so terribly sorry.”

taglist — @kflixnet @gyutendo @nanasdream @twntycm @heejojo @fightmegirl @lovethyfandoms2 @kpoprhia @woooooooosh8 @milkybonya @enhacolor @yunho-leeknow @candililac @willdieforbeidou @luvbrie @mui890mew @one16core @soobin-chois @odetoyeonjun @wonluvrbot @acciomylove @idkwatodoanymore @kyufilms @ily-cuz-i @acaiasahi @bobariki @changmin-wrlds @teuranghae (to be added, please send an ask or dm!)

TREASURE MASTERLIST

© 2023 ALOHAJUN | PLEASE REFRAIN FROM COPYING OR REPOSTING MY WORK WITHIN OR OUTSIDE THIS SITE

[your-not-invisible-to-me]

Pages Toward Your Future (Matt Murdock x Reader)

A/N: *whispers* Guess who isn't dead? Long story short: this fic was supposed to be written for @pastafossa's birthday so many months ago. Since then, my laptop broke, and my apartment flooded twice. Alas, it is now here.

Happy late birthday pasta I adore you<3

Ship: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Summary:

When you wake up one morning sick, Matt makes sure you still get to celebrate your birthday. or The time you can't go to the bookstore, so Matt brings the bookstore to you.

Word Count: 1,684

Warnings for Chapter: None! :) just some birthday fluff

Read me on Ao3 as Aaron gets his shit together.

Matt knew something was wrong the moment he woke up that morning. On a normal day, you were always up before him, rushing around your shared apartment getting your things ready for your day as an elementary school teacher. Even on weekends you would be up early – spending your mornings grading and catching up on lesson plans so that you could spend the rest of the day with him. You always made your plans around the both of you to make sure you had time together, and he loved you even more for it every time.  

So, color him surprised when his alarm started going off at ten on a Saturday, and you were still asleep next to him.  

“Sweetheart?” he called out, softly. He ran his hand through the knots in your hair. Immediately he could feel the tenseness in your shoulders. You were stiff as a board. “Are you alright?”  

You let out a groan as you attempted to bury your head deeper into the pillows.  

“Head.” you said so softly that no one else would have been able to hear it if it had not been for his senses. He caught on immediately. Sometimes you would get massive migraines, so bad it would leave you incapable of anything.  

Usually, you would pop some Tylenol and force your way through them. Luckily, you would not have to do that today.  

Matt slowly slipped out of bed, making his way to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass of water as well as his “comically large bottle of pain meds” – your words, not his – and made his way back to the bedroom. He placed them on your nightstand.  

“I have some medicine for you, sweetheart. Can you take some for me?” asked Matt. He kept his words soft. If anyone knew the need for quiet on days of pain, it would be him.  

He felt you nod before feeling you sit up, grabbing the glass and swallowing the pills. He couldn’t help but chuckle as you fell right back into his chest.  

“I have to get some work done, but it should only take me a few hours. Try to get some sleep, alright?” He tucked you right back into bed and headed back towards the kitchen, ready to make his own breakfast and get some work done.  

As Matt opened the fridge, a slip of paper that had been stuck to it fell off, sliding across the floor. Confused, he went to go pick it up, wondering what it could have been.  

Of course .  

Your birthday was next weekend, and while he had his own plan for a celebration with you, he had forgotten your own tradition that you did for yourself every year.  

Your bookstore trip.  

Every year you would spend weeks compiling a list of books from your TBR list that you wanted. You rated them, scored them, and made a list of books you would buy yourself for your birthday. It was something your parents had started for you when you were a kid, a way to keep their wallets safe when all their kid wanted for their birthday was more books to read.  

It was important to you. He clearly hadn’t seen them before, but there were spreadsheets involved.  

It was the one day of the year that he knew you allowed yourself to splurge on you.  

It was also what you had planned to do for the day – hence the list on the fridge.  

He also knew that with how busy you were, you weren’t going to get another free day for a while.  

Suddenly, he knew his plans were changing for the day. He dug his phone out of his pocket.  

“Foggy? Yeah, change of plans. I need your help today.”  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You know, when you said we needed to make a quick shopping trip, this isn’t exactly what I thought you meant.”  

Matt and Foggy stood inside Barnes and Noble, having taken the train down to Union Square so they could shop at the biggest one. Currently Foggy’s hands were full as he balanced a stack of books under his chin. Matt, on the other hand, was making his way down the list as best he could.  

“We’re almost done, Fogs, I promise.”  

“You said that an hour ago.”  

“Well, that was before I found out they had a lot of the books in brail.” When Matt had originally given one of the workers your detailed list of books, they had assumed it was for him, leading him over to the small brail section that the store had. While he had since corrected them, he wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to be able to read some of your books along with you, or even be able to read to you.  

Since the image came to his mind, he had never wanted anything more. Reading was your thing, you devoured books so quickly, always excited about getting into the storylines and into the characters. While he was always happy to listen as you went on and on, the idea that he could read along with you and be able to know more about what exactly was going through your mind just brought him pure joy.  

Then there was the idea that he could be the one to read to you. It wasn’t something you had ever voiced before – hell it wasn’t something he had ever thought of before, usually it was other people reading to him – he knew he wanted to be able to give you this too. On days just like today when your head hurt too much to open your eyes, on days where your work was too stressful, where life was too stressful – he wanted to have a chance to give you something like peace.  

It was in conveying all this to Foggy, however, that his friend’s silence suddenly had him second guessing himself.  

“What is it, Fogs?”  

“Nothing.”  

“Not nothing, your being weird.”  

“I’m not being weird. You’re being weird.”  

“Foggy-.”  

“Really, Matt. It’s nothing bad. It’s just, I’ve never seen you like this before is all.”  

“Like what?”  

“Hopeful.”  

Matt paused, stunned a bit by his best friends' words. Maybe he was putting too much weight on a couple dozen books, but a bigger part of him knew Foggy was right.  

The scenes he was seeing in his head of times together with you reading were scenes of a future, your future together. With him.  

Maybe he had more thinking to do about what lied ahead. More planning. Books were okay for now, but he wanted more, and he wanted that badly.  

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t until a week later that you learned what exactly Matt had done. He had decided to save the actual surprise for your real birthday, wanting to add it to your list of presents.  

He had everything prepared when you woke up, excited for your reaction as you slid open the bedroom door.  

“Matt?” you asked, the clunk of the door echoing behind you. You looked around the living room, your mind filled with confusion.  

In front of you, scattered across the living room, were stacks of books in different places. There was a stack on the coffee table, a few across the kitchen counter, and more filled across the room.  

Right in the center of the apartment, there was Matt, a nervous smile spread across his beautiful face. 

“What’s going on, Matty?” you asked.  

“Happy birthday, sweetheart.” said Matt, softly. He took steps toward you, bringing you to a spot in front of one of the books. It was then you realized that the stacks of books were arranged in a sort of line, clumped together waiting for someone to follow the path.  

“What’s all this?”  

“Well, I know you weren’t feeling well last week.” You nodded. “Well, I also know that because of that, you missed your day out to the bookstore.”  

You thought back to the previous week, remembering the details. You had almost forgotten your original plans for the day, yourself, too distracted by the pounding in your brain. When you woke up hours later, all you could be was annoyed at the idea of having to reschedule.  

Matt must have noticed your contemplation, as he continued.  

“I know you were upset at missing it, so I thought I would just bring the bookstore to you.”  

You let out a gasp, looking around the room at the specific books that were laid out. It was only then that you noticed the titles of the books, recognizing them off the list that you had spent just a detailed amount of time creating.  

All the books you had chosen, and all of them Matt had bought for you to read.  

“Oh, Matt...”  

Matt wrung his hands nervously. A myriad of thoughts went through his head. What if he had made a mistake? What if this was something you had wanted to save for yourself? What if he had picked the wrong books, made the wrong choices? 

“Is this, is it alright?”  

Even with his senses, he couldn’t predict the speed at which you threw yourself against his body, engrossing him in a hug. He felt the breath you took. He felt the drop of tears against his shoulder.  

“It’s absolutely perfect, Matt.”  

He felt you telling the truth.  

Later, after Matt had led you around the apartment on your own little book spree, after the birthday breakfast he made was eaten and wishes were given, Matt couldn’t express how happy he felt as you curled up against him with one of the new books he had gotten you. You had wanted to read some passages to him, and he was more than happy to listen.  

He couldn’t help, however, thinking about the new plan he was forming. The stack of his copies of the books, hidden in his trunk. Soon, he thought. Soon the night would come when he’d make you dinner, where he would spend time getting to read to you, and he’d ask you the question about your future and hope you would want forever.  

[viviegirl05]

dear science side of tumblr...

i got a severe lyme disease infection in my brain when I was 16. im now 31 and i am a COMPLETELY different person than i was at 16 before i got sick. did the whole chronic illness thing affect my personality?

to be clear, i had was a bacterial infection (lyme is a bacteria) and it gave me what we called seizures but def werent--i legit though they were panic attacks for a year and went to therapy looking to treat anxiety. looking back i have no clue why i thought that. the first episode i had i was in the kitchen making a snack at home alone after school. zero pressure from anyone, no problems with school work, i finally had friends for the first time in years, things were actually pretty good at the time. after a year of therapy my therapist was like “yeah, you don’t have anxiety problems.

i didn’t get diagnosed until almost 18 months had gone by and by then my immune system was basically nonexistent and i probs would have died if i got the flu. it was BAD. i spent months rebuilding my immune system and slept like 18 hours a day minimum for a year (my senior year of hs, but the school was really great about it and i still graduated on time. wish i had taken a year off though, all my friends were in the year after me anyway).

i went off to college the next august and was IMMEDIATELY suicidal. like my parents dropped me off and within an hour of them leaving i realized i wanted to kill myself. 

i didint find a med that worked for my depression for 2 years (i tried to kill myself once by overdosing on painkillers--do not recommend. i got an ulcer that took months to heal) and shortly after discovering i was no longer suicidal a new lyme treatment led to chronic migraines. like, i was in unbearable pain for 21 months. i get botox now and get maybe 4 migraines a month, SOO much better.

all this time i was losing interest in everything i liked as a teenager and didnt really get new interests until like 5 years ago

also ive gained like 150 lbs since i got sick, so that has led to some issues, but im currently positive in my self image for the most part

i also think im ace now? idk i def masturbated a lot in hs but never actually had an orgasm (i always blamed ADHD becuase i would get bored even though i was turned on) but now its like whatever. i have a lot of chronic pain now, so maybe thats why i never feel aroused? when i use edibles for pain treatment i feel so good and pain-free that i sometimes think im turned on but im actually not. i think its just the absence of pain that leads to a pleasurable expereince of not feeling shitty that my brain thinks is good and equates with being turned on? im so confused about my sexuality at this point

the thing is, i dont feel like i am at all who i was going to be before i got sick. like, i feel like my whole persoanlity and being has changed as a result of my illness, not just my health and life/circumstances. 

i have no clue what is going on or what to think. 

any help?

[f1uckinghell]

tw: sick

I think Carlos is the kind of person who doesn’t get sick easily but he suffers during terrible flights with turbulence or too many hours waiting because there are delays.

Nothing too heavy, maybe migraines, nausea or dizziness and surely traveling with Charles helps him already a lot but he will need a few days to recover well

Oh yeah I could see that for him! He just gets travel sick from the change in elevation and air pressure and stuff.

Having a part of his pack with him (Charles) helps him, but I could also see Carlos be too proud to admit to himself that he should take meds for this 😅 until Charles watches him get worse on flights a few times and just goes "no." and buys some meds at the airport pharmacy.

Later, when the kids are born, Luna asks Carlos why he doesn't like flying, and he tells her because it makes him sick... she thinks about it for a moment and then gives him a small stuffed animal of hers, a little bunny, because "Pippin always makes me feel better when I'm sick, papá!" so after that he always has pippin with him whenever he flies <3

[zombiepuke]

it’s emetophilia ask anon again (the one who pointed out Ellie behaving like a dog/cat does when they’re about to vomit hehe - if you’ve never seen a dog vomit before, try looking it up on YouTube/Google or somethin so you can see what I mean. they do these whole body movements where they like arch their backs up n down for like 10 seconds or so before they actually puke - i guess that’s how they physically bring the vomit up? but yeh that’s exactly how ellie moves in that brief moment when she’s still on all fours before puking the first time)

anywayyyyys… i’m sending another ask ‘cause it’s rare to find anyone into/interested in emeto stuff! but it definitely makes sense in the horror community hehe

so this is more about you and your personal interests in this topic than anything.. i was wondering what sorta stuff you’re into emetophilia-wise. like what do you enjoy? obviously with emeto stuff there’s a few different aspects to it, and some people only enjoy certain parts, or enjoy certain parts more than others, y’know.. like the general feeling of nausea, and that awful feeling of knowing you need to puke, and the actual moment before puking, and the actual act of puking, and the puke itself.

like.. some people enjoy being the puker, some people like being puked on, some people like both? some people don’t care about the actual act of puking and are just all about the puke itself.. some people have very specific likes/dislikes for their personal enjoyment with emetophilia. so I wanna know what you’re into haha!

also you said you’ve written some real fucked up shit before so im obviously now super interested to hear all about it!😁

but also what would you love to write about regarding ellie + emeto? like forget about what anyone else wants.. what would you love to write for your enjoyment?

OOF so sorry nonnie it took a bit to answer this, i have been super busy this weekend with birthday stuff but everything should be calming down!

Talk of emetophilia stuff below y'all be warned!!!!!

but yes - i have 3 kitties myself and have definitely witnessed some unfortunate puke accidents lmao. i love love love how animalistic they made the deadites in EDR - especially Ellie. and i appreciate you asking - i love talking about my obscure interests and finding others who share them!

when it comes to actual emeto, the actual puke itself isn't really what does it for me. it's everything else, especially the time leading up to the act of puking. it's such a gross feeling (and i actually have meds prescribed for nausea because i get really bad migraines rip) but i secretly love it. i also secretly love the feeling of being ill/sick with the flu or a cold in general but something about feeling the need to throw up was always like, intriguing to me. it's one of those feelings as a human that we get that is so animalistic and instinctive, like the way our bodies prepare us to help us pass anything it didn't like via vomiting, it's kinda sweet in a way. and as for actually vomiting, it's this strange feeling of not being able to breath, and i always get overheated and overwhelmed and it's uncomfortable but exciting - same way i feel about going to the dentist but that is a whole other converation LMAO i adore teeth and anything dealing with teeth. odontophilia is another vice of mine.

i would say i'm more akin to the acts of puking rather than the physical puke itself. in terms of Ellie i would prefer being the one being puked on, but both is good for me. i like anything oral-related and i think that adds a lot to the emeto stuff - as does tooth stuff too. usually any fic i write involving teeth also involve vomit - and a looooot of my writing focuses on teeth and puke and general seepage from bodies (if you haven't noticed lol)

it's allllllllll about the divide from human to inhuman - zombies, deadites, etc all have that in common, and vomit is a really big part of zombie/infection type horror. the idea of a human body being overtaken by a sickness or virus, possession, anything - the physical acts of your body degrading and decomposing, giving into the sickness, the fevers and symptoms of being infected, it's all super interesting (and arousing shhhhh) to me. Ellie is no different, an innocent human body suddenly taken control of and forcibly violent, a normal looking person suddenly getting extremely sick, throwing up, bleeding, eyes transforming, covered in blood, attacking and biting and eating, UGH. that's why i'm treading the waters here and testing how far i can go in a body-horror aspect with Ellie - i want to get super deranged and fucked up but still in a consensual way ofc - reader is based on my own mindset so ofc they're 10000000% willing for the deadite based body horror puke extravaganza lol

so basically i adore zombie-ism and transformation and the grossness that pursues that. Ellie is a perfect mix of it all. i really am so excited to explore her in my writing; inhumanity and her nastiness and gore and how awful she would realistically be - as much as i would love a sweet cuddle moment with her, i want there to be blood and guts and vomit and her manipulation, her evilness, her true nature, and just revel in it. she would fucking torture you, and you would love it.

love ya nonnie always always ask me stuff about gross shit and Ellie doing gross shit and zombies and all of that :)

[polygamousfistingchaos]

Angry narc Anon again! Because apparently this is my angry ND ramble space! Now we're gonna be angry about anti self dx folk and fake claimers!

I don't. I don't get why people think someone self diagnosing is that person saying they *want* the disorder. Like. I'm self-dx. Heavily pro for it, too, and strive for diagnosis down the line. I don't want DID. I don't want to be a system because of the constant fighting, or the complex and frequent splits we have. It don't mean I'm faking for having a high alter count, or a lack of personality change, it's just *complex DID*. I don't want personality disorders. I already deal with the lack of empathy, I don't want to deal with extensive stigma, I don't like the fact that I'm emotionally a trainwreck. Why is it that someone self dxing means that they're fucking faking, or that they want that disorder? It doesn't make sense to me.

Anyhow, ramble order, and another "feel free to delete if you wish".

this absolutely is an angry neurodivergent ramble space. everyone start doing this

Good points as always, I see. I also hate this way of thinking. I do not want to be sick, however I already am and want words to help me describe it to others.

Let's use being physically sick as an example. You're sick and have missed a couple of days of work/school. Your family and doctor say it's just a cold no matter how bad it is. You share a couple of symptoms with a cold, such as coughing and runny nose, therefore all it is as a whole is a cold to others. We've all been there. You're having awful stomachaches, migraines/headaches, heat flashes, vision or hearing problems, exhaustion can barely move, and everything aches and burns and stings. That entire time, you had pneumonia and were being given medicine you were intolerant to. Did you want to have pneumonia and a med intolerance? Of course not, but that's what was wrong with you and it hurt so much and you needed help for that pain.

Just like you can't help someone with pneumonia with cold medicine, you can't treat a person with OSDID, a PD, etc with anxiety or depression care.

[catcinnabunbun56-blog]

I was thinking about the millions of reasons im too scared to have a baby. I really can't see them not having a couple of illnesses that would make their care expensive and delicate. Upon typing for so long about why and my fears i realized how badly i grew up sick.

I've always told myself I'm able bodied but god I've been ignoring hell. For one, I had complications eating since birth. To the point of requiring specific formula as a baby and then pediasure to prevent starvation while my mom desperately found a diet that worked for me and my texture issues. But I also remember how awful my body took food poisoning. Im talking doubled over in bed every waking moment, unable to eat, hardly able to drink and dehydrated from diarrhea or vomiting. Sounds kinda normal but my family used to have to help clean me up and let me sleep through days while force feeding me antibiotics in hopes that the lack of food wouldn't make things worse.

I remember how my fevers from migraines took me out of school dozens of times since 1st grade. This wasn't your average headache. This was a kid gripping their head and eyes, scream crying because all their senses felt like they were on fire. Every light hurt, every noises ached, touch was difficult when your skin was buring up but you felt so cold you curled into your clothes and strong smells made me wanna puke. All swirling in more pain. Mom almost got truancy once. But no neurologist would take me in due to age. I almost question if my family could have gotten me killed from ignorance bc i remember temperatures of 106°F and higher being normal for me. Only recently i found out they should have rushed me to a hospital for having fevers above like 104°F for far longer than a day at such a tiny age.

Skin sensitive became concerning skin allergies. Near sightedness became me needing to sit at the front in class and take 5 minutes to read the bellwork questions. Me and mom still should move bc technically this area is awful for sickle cell. I think i just got so use to requiring pain meds on hand, urgent care visits, antibiotics and etc that I never thought of it as abnormal. And likely has led to me treating my new problems badly. Hell right now i still can't say "disability" when referring to my leg. The same leg that has muscle atrophy, requires braces for long walks, is why i currently cannot run without risk of temporary paralysis and is why i prefer elevators because going up stairs hurts a shit ton. Yeah i have alot of progress to make on caring for myself and accepting i need additional care. And that all makes me feel like a genetic curse in a word that pushes me to want kids.

[flowers-creativity]

A Fun Time in Hawkins - Day 1

Fandom:  Stranger Things

Characters: Steve Harrington, Robin Buckley

Warnings: None

Summary: A sudden development spells trouble for Robin and Steve - especially for Steve

Notes: Whumptober Day 1: A LITTLE OUT OF THE ORDINARY - Adverse Effects

AO3 link

Robin sighed contently and adjusted her legs, her Converse high up on Steve's dashboard as she reclined in her passenger seat, the back tilted back severely. She knew he hated when she did that, always going on about road safety and “I haven't survived the Demogorgon, demo-dogs and the Russian military to get taken out in a stupid accident because you can't sit like a normal human being, Rob!”

Unfortunately, it still held true that annoying Steve Harrington was one of Robin's favourite hobbies. Plus, a more recent development was that she trusted him. And he was a good driver, no matter the antics his passengers were up to. Not an insignificant skill when you're regularly overloading your car with a gaggle of very excitable teens.

Speaking of which, Robin poked her companion's arm without even looking. “Hey Dingus, you remember we need to pick the kids up?”

“Hmm?” was Steve's monosyllabic answer.

“The kids,” Robin repeated, “you know, the ones you swear you're done babysitting every second day? Never mind that we all know who's babysitting who.”

Steve didn't answer, and Robin frowned. “Hey, you OD'd over there?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he replied a moment later, “I mean, no, sorry, Robin.”

She sat up a bit, looking at him critically. “Dude, are you getting sick? You've been spacing out at work all day, too.”

Steve waved a dismissive hand. “Just feeling a bit tired, is all,” he insisted.

Robin wrinkled her nose. She hadn't expected a truthful answer – this was the guy who had insisted he was fine when the paramedics had wanted to take him to the hospital after Starcourt, despite having been beaten up, tortured and drugged by Russian soldiers. Still, she had been hoping that he would be more forthcoming at least towards her, after all they had been through together. “You up to this evening, then?”

“Of course!” Steve protested indignantly, sitting up straighter as if that helped his case. “Besides, the kids really need this, they've been so bummed since the Byers left ...”

She rolled her eyes fondly. “I'm sure we would figure something out,” she said. “You don't have to do it if you're not feeling okay.”

“I am!” he insisted. “Look, it's not a big deal, I just got some new meds, and the doc said they could make me a bit tired. Nothing more, okay?”

Robin's heart melted, and she reached out to pat his arm. “Understood, I'll stop pestering you.” It had only been after Starcourt that he had told her about the concussions he had suffered in those years fighting against the monsters she had only learned about then, though he also admitted the first one was courtesy of Jonathan Byers, and well-deserved in his own opinion. He had been very reluctant but finally admitted that ever since, he had been prone to migraines, and she finally understood why he kept wincing at the bright lights of Family Video on some days.

Steve snorted. “As if you are physically capable of that!”

She laughed and swatted his arm. “Well, about that, at least!”

They fell back into a comfortable silence, and Robin turned her head towards the car window and let him concentrate on driving for a while.

Suddenly, Steve gasped out loud, and the next moment, the car spun out of control as he jerked on the steering wheel and slammed on the brakes.

Robin grabbed onto the handle above the window and held on for dear life while the world spun around her. “Steve!” she called out fearfully. Squeezing her eyes shut, she braced herself, waiting for a crash.

It didn't come. The car rocked and teetered as if in empty air for a moment, and then it fell back on all four wheels and came to a stop, settling onto the ground with a loud groan. Silence settled over it.

Carefully, Robin opened one eye and peeked at her surroundings. The car had gone off the road and into an abandoned field, where it had finally fetched up against a huge bale of hay. Robin took a deep breath and immediately regretted it when hay dust floating in the air from the collision made it into her nose, itching until she exploded  into a sneeze.

“Ugh,” she complained as she wiped her nose on her sweater, “why did it have to be hay?” Though in all fairness, they were probably lucky that their trajectory had brought them to a comparatively soft obstacle to halt it.

“Steve?” she asked, turning towards her friend. “You okay?”

Steve was sitting stock-still, both hands still on the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. He didn't reply, and anxiety exploded in Robin's gut. “Steve?” she asked again, reaching out her hand to put on his arm, carefully, as if he was a wild animal she didn't want to spook.

He turned towards her voice and the touch but his face was strangely rigid, and his eyes looked right through  her. “Robin,” he said, his voice breathless. “Robin!” He let go of the steering wheel, and instead she suddenly had his hands in her face, patting over her cheeks and forehead, and one finger landed in her eye, ouch!

“Steve!” she called out, grabbing his hands and trying to keep a hold of them. “What's the matter?”

“I-I can't, I can't, I … I - Robin!”

“Steve, please!” Robin took a breath, trying to calm her own rabbit heart. “Calm down, okay? You're okay, I'm okay. Nothing much happened.” She hoped she wasn't lying but she felt okay, the car appeared mostly okay, as did Steve beyond his agitation.

Steve shook his head wildly, his hands still twitching and shuddering in her hold. “No!” His voice rose, almost to a wail.

“I can't see!”

Thank God for the kid's walkies and that Steve always kept his in his car, Robin thought. Thanks to that, it had actually not taken very long to rouse someone to her calls of “Code Red! Code fucking Red!”, and luckily, it had been Lucas – Robin would  never say so aloud but from all the boys, he was probably her favourite, and he had a good, sensible head in a crisis. After exchanging some information about where they had gone off the road, he had promised to send an ambulance, and Robin could already hear the sirens drawing nearer.

She squeezed Steve's hand. “Help's coming,” she said encouragingly.

Steve, reclining in his seat with his eyes closed, nodded. “My hearing is okay,” he told her but his sarcasm lacked its usual bite.

Robin shrugged, then remembered the current problem and felt a bit like an asshole. “Good thing, too,” she said aloud. “Our friendship is, like, seventy-five percent just you listening to me rambling. Can't have it crumbling because its foundation is suddenly gone, eh?”

Not her best work but what can you do.

Steve didn't reply this time, only squeezed her hand more tightly.

Robin sighed and leaned closer, pressing her shoulder against his and ignoring the way the centre console was digging into her hip. “It will be okay,” she swore. Though she didn't know if it was a good idea to make any promises, given that she had no idea what had happened to her friend's eyesight …

Another few minutes filled with silence and tension later, an ambulance came to a halt next to them, and things went from quiet to a somehow still controlled frenzy as the paramedics descended on them with helping hands and lots and lots of questions. Through it all, Robin held Steve's hand and refused to let go whenever one of the men tried to separate them. After a few tries, they finally gave up and let them both climb into the ambulance together. Steve went willingly where she directed him, far too pliable and quiet for Robin's taste. She couldn't wait to get to the hospital where, hopefully, someone would finally have some answers for them.

The someone who finally sat down opposite of them where they sat on a bed in the emergency room was a young, fresh-faced doctor. Robin was a bit wary of how young he looked but the expression on his face was warm and caring.

“I'm Doctor Haver,” he introduced himself. “You're Steven Harrington, right?” He looked down at his notes, then back up to Steve, only giving Robin a side-glance.

“Just Steve, please,” Steve replied.

“Steve. Okay then.” The doctor smiled. “Now, Miss Buckley here has been very adamant about staying with you but given the nature of medical information, I have to ask you again if you're alright with her listening to our discussion?”

Robin bristled slightly but there was no need to insist again since Steve sat up straighter and said clearly: “Of course I am. She can hear whatever you have to say to me.” More quietly, he added: “Please, I need her here.”

Robin's heart did that strange thing where it wasn't sure if it wanted to melt at his trust in her or break at the fear in his voice. She gave his hand another squeeze – it was a wonder they hadn't squashed both their hands to a pulp with the amount of clinging and squeezing they had been doing since the accident – and looked back to the doctor, willing him to finally talk.

“Alright,” the doctor said, raising his hands and this time directing his smile towards Robin. “Then let's get down to it.” He took a deep breath. “Now, all told, you've been pretty lucky with the accident. You're both bruised at the usual areas of contact with the seatbelt and where you were thrown against the car's frame, a few minor cuts but no broken bones or more severe wounds. So far, so good. However, there is the issue of the sudden loss of vision you reported ...”

Steve stiffened next to her, his breath speeding up audibly. Robin started to rub circles on the back of his hand with her thumb and whispered: “Slow and calm, Steve. Slow and calm.”

Dr Haver directed a worried glance her way and quickly continued: “We will need to do further testing, like a CT, but I actually have a theory what might be happening. I noticed on your form that you have had multiple concussions and have reported suffering from migraines?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, that's right,” he confirmed. “But – can that happen because of a migraine?”

“Not directly,” the doctor said, “but you wrote – or rather, Miss Buckley wrote, I assume – that you had started a new medication for it recently but you didn't remember the name.”

They both nodded, and Robin tried to press the answers from him with her stare. Did he really have to recap what they both knew anyway, given that she had filled in the form and Steve had told her what to write?

“Does the name Topamax ring a bell?” Dr Haver asked.

Steve gasped. “Yes! That's the one!”

The doctor smiled. “Well then, we're coming closer to the solution. I believe that your sudden vision loss is a side-effect of this medication. It's been reported before that it can cause sudden increases in intraocular pressure, leading to trauma to the optic nerve.”

“What does that mean?” Steve burst out. “That I'm … I'm blind?!”

Dr Haver hastily raised a placatory hand but then seemed to realise how useless this was, given that Steve had kept his eyes firmly closed the whole time except for the short examination he had gone through. He dropped his hand and instead said aloud: “Steve, please stay calm. From what I've read, the effect is not permanent.”

Robin exhaled. “You couldn't have lead with that?” she asked harshly.

He gave her a contrite look. “I'm sorry. I didn't want to alarm you, Steve. As I said, it's not permanent, or at the very least, there is a good chance that it can be reversed with the right treatment.”

Steve sagged against Robin's side. “Good,” he said hoarsely, “that's good.”

The doctor smiled awkwardly and got to his feet. “I will arrange for a CT – if nothing else, we should double-check to make sure there is nothing else going on – and then we will discuss treatment options. Until then, I'll let you rest. Please let me know if I can do something for you,” he said, then turned tail and more or less fled the room.

Robin stared after him, then shook her head and huffed. “He's gonna need to work on that,” she declared to the room at large.

Turning to Steve, her face softened. He still looked awful, pale and drawn, but she could see the tension slowly leaking from his shoulders. She reached out with her free hand, cupping his cheek. “It will be okay, dingus,” she said softly. “Everything will be okay.”

This time, it didn't feel like an empty promise.

[nevrotower]

Hi, I saw your reply to my post. Can you tell me stuff about Cotard's? Like, can you just ramble to me about it?

Also can you tell me about the misunderstandings about OCD and PTSD? Like, most common wrong stuff about them in the media?

OK SO. for me cotards is all about like.... believing im dead, obviously, but in very weird, sometimes contradictory ways. I'll feel weird feelings in my back and I'll be like. oh ! it's the maggots ! i also have hallucinations that make me smell like a corpse. i believe my migraines are caused by my brain literally rotting and that my stomach doesn't work. sometimes i fully believe i am a zombie, and i crave human flesh and i believe im actually physically rotting, sometimes i think im a ghost who killed himself a few months ago, and that is why i am so cold all the time, unlikable, forgettable, constantly looking sick and everyone dislikes me without knowing why. everytime i feel kinda weird im like oh it must be The Death. I'll also get enormous envy from art of people getting gored or rotting corpses, but i think thats mostly my BIID.

Hmmmmm..... misunderstandings about ocd : while intrusive thoughts feels like someone else thinking in your brain and giving you orders, they are caused by your excessive fear of doing them or even just thinking them that takes up all your toughts space, idk if im clear. also sexual intrusive thoughts are vv common it's just that no one wants to talk about it. while it can physically feels like a battle with your mind to not do your intrusive thoughts, it's very very rare to actually act them on. also im not like. the best at talking about other symptoms of ocd other than intrusive thoughts. but i think it's important to remember that the diag is diverse.

for ptsd i think it's kinda like with all anxiety disorders : people needs to remember panics attacks and being triggered don't always come with crying and yelling and panic, sometimes you just totally shut down, sometimes you gets triggered in a totally other unrelated way (ex : seeing images of my dad makes me want to do bad stuff to myself that has nothing to do with how he traumatized me) sometimes you just starts dissociating

also a big misconception i see is that meds never work when they actually do work. A LOT. but every mentally ill character i see talk about their meds not working idk why

[ioletia]

Thots...

Monday is Labor Day- and I'm not allowed to work. It's actually sort of annoying, because it throws my whole week's schedule off. Normally I would work Monday/Tuesday, have off Wednesday, then work Thursday/Friday. Monday would be a short day, followed by a long Tuesday. Wednesday to recover into Thursday/Friday being medium to heavy work days. Next week? Ugh. Tuesday is going to be a very long day with retail resets that will spill into Wednesday. Thursday and Friday will be a bear as well. I don't want to work that much...

Going into my second thought, I took this job because of the flexibility of the scheduling. I have a list of things to do every week and I could get them done whenever I wanted. Which is great, because some days I'm just too exhausted, depressed, sick, or just generally disabled to do much. My body sucks, sorry. But, the job isn't as flexible as I was led to believe. And part of that is because...

Walmart is a shitty company that shouldn't exist. They hold so much market share/industry power that they can just tell people to jump- and they'll have to. Walmart makes the demand that I have to be at their stores before 11am, in addition to having special training to be in their stores, and apply for their badge system. It's a lot of work for a store that is antithetical to... My entire existence? I really wish that Walmart would just be nuked out of the market through increased taxation/tariffs on Chinese goods.

Also, detergent being locked up is the most asinine bullshit ever. If theft is that big a problem, maybe, I don't know, get out of the business? Because theft really only exists in a society that can't take care of its people. If people are resorting to crime either because of necessity or profit- you done fucked up your society. And Walmart is a big fuck up of our society. Not only because they have such massive market power, but also because of the tax burden they create. They underpay their workers to the point that most of them are on social programs to get by- and guess who pays for that. Not Walmart- not the company that makes over $10B a year in net profit.

Also, I'm salty from waking up in pain. I think it's proctalgia fugax- a literal pain around the rectum. It usually happens when I'm dehydrated or if I take an anti-diarrhea med or if I don't take my nightly magnesium.

I've also been trying to ween off my beta-blocker because I thought it was causing me some serious depression. That kind of failed. Apparently, I've been on it so long that my body was like, "No, I need this now." Which isn't great, because I only have about a weeks worth of the one I like. I have another, but it makes my digestive system unhappy. I have an appointment at the end of September to see my primary to fix all of this- but, that's like a month away.

Secret thought. My body has been a pain since forever. I really don't like it. From the rare genetic disease that caused me migraines/HBP for nigh on twenty years, to the lack of pleasure it feels, to the randoms pains I get like I was stabbed by a ghost... It's just a lot. I've been wishing to die since I was, god, what, twenty? It's a long time to suffer. Hence why I've always been a proponent of suicide. Life is what you make it, but sometimes the hand that you're dealt isn't really worth being played. Or you're not enjoying the game. Life is very tiring- and with a body already tired, I just don't want to play anymore. My god, I wish I could stay in bed today and just listen to background noise. But, I can't. Money, capitalism, and a life that continues on for no fair reason.

[chocolate-failure]

Man, the shrink has been so fucking hard like goddamn. I feel like my resolve can only last week or I go too hard and get sick and gain a bunch of weight back. And I don't think it's due to Ed though I suppose it could be. But I'll get an HS flare or covid flare and can't get out of bed. A couple of those days in a row followed by my period really fuck up my progress. It's like every week there's a fucking crisis and I just don't have the energy to keep at it or I'll have one day where I gain weight in the tub. Like of course I have times where I just overeat or overdrink during the night but a lot of the issue has been being sick because I can always purge, I can't keep however make up for a day where I can't hit the gym or do my extra long baths.

I usually lose about 2 pounds in 2 hours of bathing but if the water is real hot like at hotels I can lose 3 or 4 in the same amount of time. I refuse to do cold baths even though I know they help with weight too. There's just something's I can't give up and my comfort in the bath is one of them.. and having the water scalding hot isn't necessarily comfortable 🥴

But yeah progress has been fucked up mostly because I'm having a hard time acclimating with changes from week to week as far as my physical health goes. It sucks.

I also had a migraine last week (prob Feb 22 or smn) which is the reason why I'm making this entry. I don't have a lot of insight into my triggers or well... When my triggers become an issue. I definitely know what they are with humidity and heat exhaustion being the biggest one but I've gotten migraines after a 2hr walk and not gotten one after a 5hr walk where I'm on the brink of passing out and lost several pounds. Idk what conditiins must be in place along with the heat exhaustion for it to culminate in a migraine. I've had a flash from a camera cause a migraine but have had several encounters with flashing cameras that resulted in nothing. I once ate one of those Louisiana sandwiches with olives in it and got a migraine almost immediately after it but I've eaten olives several times and never got sick. So I end up for the most part not really avoiding my triggers because they more often result in nothing than a migraine. But I still have 2 or 3 a year.

So instead of concentrating on my triggers I try to minimize stress because it feels like that's a common denominator for a lot of my ailments. And the next best thing for migraine management after tigger avoidance is early detection which is only marginally more trackable to me. Unlike some diseases show the symptoms of migraine mean the migraine is happening. Once the symptoms start there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can take meds to take some of the edge off but it's not going away.

A hallmark symptom of the prodrome phase is jamais vu, the opposite of deja vu which just means the world you've come to know feels unfamiliar rather than feeling like you've been here before. But of course this is very similar to dissociation, an experience I have in some capacity nearly all the time. So it's hard for me to discern the difference between premigraine jamais vu and my daily experience of jamais vu. I also experience the confusion and agitation but those things happen directly before the blindness and aura which isn't particularly helpful for predicting a migraine cuz like when I say directly I mean the pain will start within the next minute or so. As the aura expands the headache gets worse but once it's done the headache typically doesn't get worse from that point. Sometimes it's debilitating whole other times it's a dull ache. The headache hat and exposure to cold is helpful. Pain meds are a little helpful if I take them early enough.

[starlightkun]

omg omg omg okay so im like in the middle of my final exams before im done with highschool but i need to tell you all about the fics that you have been releasing because wOW.

okay BUZZER BEATER

GOD THOSE TWO ARE SO FLUFFY. i dont have chronic illness but the way you described it just reminds me of starting adhd meds where i had to take so many pills at random intervals during the day and felt awful 24/7 and how im afraid that going into uni, people are going to ask for my meds for recreational purposes (which makes me so mad btw cause like i need meds to live dont ask for medication that is in limited supply so you can get lit but anyways). But yeah i didn't know that much about migraines other than the fact that its terrible but yeah the way you wrote mc was so beautiful and relatable and im just so sorry that you have to be burdened by these migraines and spend so much time and energy managing it. The way you wrote sungchan though was beautiful. his character is absolutely the most pure and loving guy (whilst also being a loserboy) and the fact that he did not question or judge or put pressure on mc ever was so healing. just watching him be so open with his affection and just blatantly pine for mc without any reservations about it makes me really want a sungchan of my own now. I just want a cute, sweet, uncomplicated, loserboy so i can just live my life in both sickness and health and not be judged by what hurdles my body choses to throw at me today (my psychiatrist was saying my stomach is just really sensitive so thats why ive been going through hell which is sucky but at least i have answers and know what to avoid lmao). But yeah thank you for writing something so beautiful about an experience that i felt so alone in having, because now i feel less guilty about struggling with my own health and most importantly less alone.

now onto Dr Magic!

dear lord jesus if i felt seen by buzzer beater, ive never felt more out of my depths by Dr Magic. Its such a hilarious fic and renjun and mc are both so insane and crazy but in a way thats realistic (i go to one of the top high schools in australia and there are people here who are so dedicated to school the same way renjun and mc). The way renjun just wants mc to spit in his mouth, I swear ive met boys like that too. also the steamy makeout sesh?! soft renjunnie with caring and dominant reader who asks for consent?! mc is so sexy for that, i love her. Also! your description of renjun wearing a yellow hoodie, jeans and a red cap was so scrumptious that i embodied mc in that moment and wanted to eat him whole also. the scene where renjun owns up to the mean things he said to mc whilst mc talks about spitting in his mouth in front of TEN?! shes so confident and strong despite being hurt and i love that for her. i really love how in your fics, you mix humor with maturity to create such well rounded works that really celebrate being wild and having fun whilst also being a grown and mature person. just like you, i could never be renjun and mc but im happy for them and what they have.

side note: thank you for being pro palestine, i know being pro palestine is a simple thing and a low bar to set for myself in finding good people in the world, but with all the people in power and celebrities (cough eric nam cough) publicly supporting the genocide that is happening, im very glad to find others who see the horrors for what it is.

-✨anon

yeah i will always be anti-genocide and anti-apartheid ethnostates, and it truly does boggle my mind to see people support that??? somehow???? but seeing all the pro palestine demonstrations and protests and posts all over does give me hope to hold onto

rest of my response to ur lovely feedback under the cut to not make this post any longer lol <33

BUZZER BEATER!!!!

i also want my own loserboy sungchan so bad 🤧🤧 he was just so perfect in that one ugh. im glad that u were still able to see urself in some of the mc (tho im NOT glad that ur having side effect trouble w ur meds, sending out my love as a fellow tummy trouble side effect haver 🫶). and yeah i rlly wanted my bb sungchan to be not necessarily a himbo per se (bc imo u have to be like BUFF and stupid and sweet, i.e, kronk from emperor's new groove, and alas, sungchan is not built like wonho im not that delusional) but he is at least a big (read: tall), sweet, not quite dumb but not as academically rigorous in the same way as mc, jock who is used to kind of following the same script when in that college "talking phase" with a girl (a little bit of flirting, parties, inviting her to a game maybe, buying her a drink, etc.) bc it's safe and he rlly likes reader so he doesn't want to mess it up but then he realizes that he has to throw it all out bc reader can't actually do like most of that and is like ok. new plan. and ends up just fully embracing his pining, soft loserboy self and how down bad he is for reader. ugh i love him 💗💗💗

dr_magic2303!!!!

i would greatly admire, respect, and fear in equal measure anybody who feels seen by dr_magic2303 lmao. like good for u but COULDN'T BE ME!!! like some of the bits of mc's hyperfixation on her personal projects and that raw hunger for knowledge (as opposed to being the best) was modeled after my own hyperfixations and kind of manic flow states that i get with my adhd (i've yet to put up a conspiracy board in my apartment but i do routinely feel like the pepe silvia meme from it's always sunny) but i have not been a neurotic overachieving academic since jr yr of high school thank god! 4 years of cognitive behavioral therapy and a lot of anti-depressants cured me of that. this is coming from a former gifted kid lmao.

when i knew that i wanted this fic to take the this route (renjun getting consensually dosed up w siren venom) i knew i wanted there to be some form of a convo like that. like consent is sexy!!! and making sure ppl r being taken care of when they're consensually giving up and transferring power for a limited time (with or without the use of magical aphrodisiacs) is sexy!!! aftercare is sexy!!! (even tho renjun threw reader out before they could rlly finish that part but u know) and i rlly hope that came across in that scene

reader talking about spitting in renjun's mouth in front of ten isn't THAT weird for sirens (reader and ten were JUST talking about ten's nipple rings and their lack of sex lives like five seconds earlier in that same convo so like yknow) but ten could obviously tell that there was something a lot deeper going on than just some casual saliva swapping between pals so that's why he left lmao

as always thank you sm for your ask and your feedback on my fics 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 good luck with the end of school you got this b 💗💗💗💗

[adashofretcon]

TCH talk

It’s been a while since I’ve been this stoned. It’s one of those things that’s not usually planned, it’s more if an if-it-happens-it-happens thing. I’ve been taking THC to manage a variety of medical conditions since the very end of 2019 and it changed my life. I was on about 10 different prescription meds at the time and it replaced almost all of them. It totally controls my narcolepsy, nausea and migraines, and it controls the fibromyalgia and RA pain so well most of the time that I can lead a far more normal life. But I never felt any high effects until last year.

I’m a control freak, I can’t deny that. There are very complicated reasons for that, I’m well aware of all my issues lol. I just couldn’t bear to show weakness and I read losing control through substances as being weak (stupid masculine pride, which I understand *now*!) so I had always blocked them from working, even when I tried to get drunk, for example,

in fact I’d also never actually been drunk until last year. There came a point last year where I started to learn to let go, to better explore the kinks that I’d developed through trauma, and that I felt able to do so because I was with my lovely partner who I trust with every cell in my body.

I slowly learnt to let go, and after doubling my thc for a whole when I first got very sick I allowed myself for the first time to enjoy the effects I never had before. It’s helped me relax more than I’ve ever been able to before, I suffer terribly with anxiety and stress so it’s been a revelation.

I want to explore this so much more but thc is so expensive. It’s my single biggest expense but without it I can’t function. I went from being a vegetable to working 2 jobs from home despite everything that’s happened in the last year, it’s been a fucking miracle! I have to stretch it out to make it last as long as possible and often it has too much heavy-lifting to do dealing with the pain first and foremost so no other effects kick in. But it would be nice to top up a little more often so that I can choose when to enjoy the feeling of being stoned and letting go for a while instead of it happening when it damn well wants to in my less sick days :P