#also how june must’ve regretted saying that

[in-this-minute]

i will have to die before i stop thinking about the fact that the last time june remembers john touching her was when john was a walker, it will be my roman empire.

[drabbles-mc]

Nobody's Business

Rick Flag & Harley Quinn, past Rick Flag x June Moone

For @the-slumberparty's Bingo challenge! Bingo square: Monster Fucking

Warnings: 18+, language, angst

Word Count: 1k

A/N: Is this a loose interpretation of the prompt 'monster fucking'? Perhaps! Was it fun to write anyway? You betcha! I love me a little Rick & Harley moment. No one can take that from me lmao. Also, shout-out to to @garbinge because honestly if we hadn't talked earlier I don't know if I would've ever gotten around to tackling this prompt haha.

Suicide Squad Taglist: @garbinge (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

“So,” Rick grumbled as everyone started to make their way back to the chopper, “from now on I guess we gotta split up the teams a little differently.”

Harley was cackling as she walked beside him. “Why?”

He shot her an annoyed glare. The issues that unfolded weren’t her fault at all, but she definitely knew what the issues were and why he was making the decisions that he was. “You know why.”

She was still laughing, nearly doubled over. She desperately wanted to hear him say it, but she had a feeling that she wasn’t going to be successful in that. It would’ve been funny, though, to hear Rick talking about how they have to restructure how they split up because two members of their team got caught hooking up while they were out in the field and supposed to be doing literally anything other than that. When their comms had gone silent out of nowhere, Rick had split away from Harley to go and check to make sure that they hadn’t gotten killed or captured. What he found was something that he wasn’t ever going to be able to burn from his memory no matter how hard he tried.

“You shouldn’t be kink-shamin’ on the job, Flag,” she said, mostly joking but her tone just serious enough to get a rise out of the man walking with her.

“They shouldn’t be,” he shook his head, sputtering to get the words out, “kink-anything on the job!”

“You never said that.”

Rick tossed his bag up into the helo with a shake of his head. “Didn’t think it needed to be said.”

“Now you know for next time.”

“There ain’t gonna be a next time.”

Harley was giggling at the thought of it. She wished that she could’ve been there to see the look on Rick’s face in person, although she had to assume that his expression when she saw him even a few minutes after the fact must’ve been pretty close. She could only imagine what his face would be like if something like that ever did happen again. It wasn’t completely out of the question. Each time their team went out they were essentially heading out to die, after all.

“Maybe you should try it,” Harley said with a laugh as she plopped down in the seat beside him, their backs against the wall of the chopper.

“Try what?” he asked as he clipped the straps across his chest to keep him in place. He regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth but there was no taking them back now.

“I dunno, I’m just sayin’, maybe a little monster-fucking would loosen you up a bit.”

“Harley,” he snapped, keeping his voice quiet but sharp.

“What?!” she sounded genuinely shocked that he responded that way. “It might help!”

He shook his head. “We’re not talking about this.”

She shrugged, relaxing a bit as they prepared to take off and head back to Belle Reve. “Alright. Still don’t know why you’re clutching your pearls like it’s something you’ve never done before.”

His head snapped to look at her. “What?”

“What?”

He knew better than to let the conversation continue, but he was so confused and annoyed that he couldn’t help himself. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“You and the Doctor, right?”

Rick’s face hardened instantly, annoyance shifting into something much starker than that. “Don’t.”

“But—”

He cut her off. “Harley, shut it.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t like that with June.”

“June!” Harley exclaimed, the name unlocking part of her memory. “Right. Enchantress.”

“She’s not—” he stopped himself short, trying not to get more worked up than it was worth. “Her name’s June, Harley. And it wasn’t,” he sighed, “it wasn’t like that.”

“Alright,” she held her hands up in mock surrender, “it wasn’t like that.”

It was quiet between them for a few minutes. Rick’s mind was miles and months away from where he was currently sitting next to Harley. Memories playing in rapid succession as he stared down at the toes of his boots. He thought back on it all, wishing that it could’ve ended differently but also knowing that there really wasn’t any other way for it to end. His frown deepened the more that he thought about it.

Harley’s voice pulled him back to the present, chirping the words out beside him. “Still think you should try it.”

He let out a deep sigh. “I’m not talkin’ about this with you.”

She turned to look at him even though he wasn’t looking at her anymore. “You had a girlfriend since her? Or at least, y’know—”

“I said I’m not talkin’ about this.”

Harley nodded. “So that’s a no.”

Rick shook his head, still not looking at her. “You haven’t had a boyfriend since the clown got blown out of the sky.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the way that Harley flinched at that. He almost felt bad.

“Least I got an excuse—you’re not in prison.”

Rick chuckled humorlessly. “Might as well be.”

“’Cause you miss her that much?” she asked, her tone much more genuine than it had been before. There was hurt in her eyes, some of it on Rick’s behalf, most of it thinking about her own situation.

“Do you not know how to drop it?” Rick asked her, exasperated.

“You never answer my questions!”

“Because it’s not your fuckin’ business!”

“C’mon, Flag, we’re friends! Sure it’s my business.”

“We’re not—” he cut himself off. He was about to say that they weren’t friends, but when he stepped back and really looked at his life these days, she was one of the closest things that he had to one. “Doesn’t make it your business.”

Harley frowned, watching him intently even though he refused to look over at her. “Can I ask you somethin’?”

“No,” he answered without hesitation.

Just as he figured, his response didn’t stop her from asking anyway. “How long did it take to get over it?”

Rick let out a heavy sigh, shutting his eyes and relaxing as much as he could force his body to given the current circumstances. “I’ll let you know when it happens.”

[scramblecat]

I posted 3,086 times in 2022

That's 622 more posts than 2021!

69 posts created (2%)

3,017 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tiny-feral-arachnid-man

@annabelle--cane

@pigswithwings

@the-cal-zone

@rolex-kaard

I tagged 2,499 of my posts in 2022

Only 19% of my posts had no tags

#fav - 490 posts

#tsp - 326 posts

#tma - 160 posts

#laugh rule - 111 posts

#ofmd - 95 posts

#serotonin tag - 93 posts

#for later - 69 posts

#dracula daily - 63 posts

#friend art!! - 62 posts

#scrambleposting - 46 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and i’d heard of it before then so i was like ‘ok it must’ve already ended’ but i didn’t realize it ended the week after i started listenin

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Adora really?? Likes watching me vacuum for some reason. She’ll hear the vacuum start from across the house and she will come SPRINTING to look.

20 notes - Posted October 29, 2022

#4

I’m curious: people in the Stanley Parable tag, what are your favorite Narrator lines??

It doesn’t even have to be the line itself, it could also be how it’s delivered

You can drop em in the tags or replies or something, I wanna see if there’s any common favorites!

70 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

#3

​I wanted to imagine what happened the first time The Admiral willingly let Jon pick him up and hold him :D

99 notes - Posted April 30, 2022

#2

“How long until detonation, then? Let’s say, um… two minutes.”

@spantas’s absolutely galaxy brained idea about the Narrator appearing on screens has been living rent free in my brain

Also I’m SO sorry that it isn’t colored, I have never regretted lacking a red marker more in my entire life

313 notes - Posted June 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

…I’d like to think that I’m really funny.

721 notes - Posted June 24, 2022

[stxrshxpxd]

“you look tired” x 1999!damon

Pairing: 1999 damon albarn x reader

Word count: 1.283

Warnings: none but i realise this might be a bit insensitive since its mentioning justine and their breakup but i highly doubt damon will be reading this anyway

Requested by anon x

* * *

I’ve never been at such a sad party before, I thought to myself as I shifted in my seat and wondered who most people in the room even were. But when I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces across the room, I realised they were all smiling and laughing and drinking and a few of them were even dancing. The sadness I felt in the air was all coming from my left. On the far edge of the sofa sat Damon in a bundle of his own legs and arms. Both his legs were pulled up with his dirty sneakers on Jamie’s sofa cushions. His arms draped down seemingly lifeless but his left hand moved slightly. He was doodling with a black sharpie on the sole of his white shoe.

I was an old friend of Jamie and had met Damon once before. Well, met was a strong word. He hadn’t necessarily met me, which was why it made me feel very uncomfortable to strike up a conversation with him on this sofa. I didn’t know whether to introduce myself or not. What had happened was that Jamie had taken me backstage at a Blur concert in London about a year ago. Damon had walked past me and I couldn’t recall if we said hi to each other or if he had barely looked at me or if I had greeted him and he hadn’t heard me or if we had actually been introduced properly. I had had one too many drinks that night to fully remember. I knew he had walked past me anyway, because I remember vividly how beautiful he had looked in his oversized t-shirt and sweaty fringe with an acoustic guitar in his hand. Tonight he wasn’t sweating as beautifully but he was wearing a similar t-shirt and looked just as pretty with his slightly longer hair and short stubble. He was also wearing a pair of carpenter jeans that his legs were drowning in.

Despite being very much caught up in his own bubble of sneaker-doodling, he noticed me obviously looking at him from the other end of the sofa. He looked up and I impulsively smiled shyly. It wasn’t an impulse for him but he chose to smile back at me. He looked tired.

“What are you drawing?” I asked cautiously, desperate to not let our connection go to waste. I had always been intrigued by Damon’s personality and the way he steals all your attention when he talks.

“A flower,” he answered with a small chuckle. He swiftly pulled his loosely tied sneaker off and angled it so I could see it better. I hopped in a bit closer to him and took a brief but thorough look at the flower in sharpie on the side of his sole. There were a few small stars and dots surrounding it as well.

“Pretty,” I replied with another smile.

“You’re Jamie’s old friend, aren’t you?” Damon asked serenely and put his sneaker back on his foot. He hugged both of his knees and let his head lay on the backrest facing me. I nodded.

“So are you, aren’t you?” I asked with a twinkle in my eye and one in my voice. It made him laugh shortly, and quite genuinely.

“y/n,” I added quickly, awkwardly reaching my hand out to him. I didn’t want to know whether he had actually known my name or not. It would’ve made me feel terribly insignificant if it turned out he hadn’t known it.

“Right… Damon,” he said back with a bit of a twinkle in his eye and voice as well. He leaned towards me and shook my hand briefly. His grip was sturdy and his palm warm. He let go sooner than I would’ve liked, but I chased the thought away quickly as I was struck by another haunting one. I didn’t know what to say next.

“Enjoying the party?” Damon asked, looking out across Jamie’s large living room. Damon didn’t show it in his usual cool voice, but the phrase in itself was so plain and rushed that it must’ve been drawn from a desperate wish to keep talking to me and not let the conversation die.

“Don’t think I know a single person in here to be fair,” I answered honestly. I scanned the faces again. They were still smiling and laughing and drinking and some were still dancing.

“Uuuhm..” Damon said and scanned them with me. “Me neither really.”

I looked at his profile. His nose was so pretty and looked so soft from the side, and I loved  the way he tensed his brows and how his mouth hung slightly open, and his jaw was pushed forward slightly. Then he slowly licked his top lip and then his bottom lip.

“You look tired,” I said. I regretted it as soon as I heard how it sounded and was about to apologise when he answered.

“I am pretty tired,” he chuckled with a nod, looking back at me again.

“You’re blunt.” He smirked. “I like that.” His smirk faded quickly. “No one’s blunt around me anymore.”

We talked for a few minutes about how Jamie and I had become friends and then how Jamie and Damon had become friends and then eventually Jamie wasn’t part of our conversations for a while.

“Do you want to get some fresh air?” I asked, glancing at the open door that led out to the balcony. Damon nodded in silence and followed me outside. 

Jamie was sat in one corner talking to two of his friends, and Damon and I chose the opposite corner. We stood facing the London streets and the lilac sky. It was June and the sun had just set. We both breathed in and sighed out the unusually clean London air at the same time.

“What?” I asked. It had been silent for a moment and this time I had caught Damon looking at me. He didn’t seem to have been caught as much off guard as I had earlier. He shrugged and thought for a moment about what to say.

“I just haven’t really.. felt like this around someone since… well, in a long time.”

He looked away. He furrowed his brows again and licked his lips in the same way he had done inside in the dim light. It was beginning to get dark outside as well, but he looked so much more beautiful out here with the lilac sky reflecting in his glossy eyes and the soft shadows falling on his face.

I didn’t know what to answer, so I changed the subject.

“The sky is beautiful..”

“Might even see some stars tonight,” Damon agreed, raising his eyebrows now. A real starry night was rare to come by in London, but there wasn’t a single cloud in sight tonight, which definitely helped with stargazing.

I saw Jamie looking at us from across the balcony. He had an almost smug look on his face. Damon announced that he was going to grab a beer from inside and he disappeared for a minute. Jamie instantly walked up to me with an amused smirk on his lips.

“What now?” I sighed.

He shrugged as if he had nothing to say - although I knew his smirking was all about mine and Damon’s sudden connection - but then he spoke at last.

“He meant since Justine, you know,” he explained Damon’s earlier words. The ones I hadn’t known how to respond to. In a similar fashion I now didn’t know how to respond to Jamie. And I had no time to, before Damon was outside again with a beer in his hand and a soft smile on his face.

[hermannsthumb]

established relationship prompt: "Newton, darling, would you be a dear and eat my arse?"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HERMANN!!! obvious maybe but not sfw below the cut lmaoooo. WHEW I managed to finish by midnight!

------------------

Birthdays have never really been the sort of thing Hermann has cared much about. Growing up, they were largely uneventful and unexciting, mostly ignored (if not outright forgotten) by his family, and in adulthood mostly ignored and forgotten by Hermann himself. After all, it’s become rather difficult to look forward to the passing of another year when the odds are growing exponentially higher humanity won’t live to see another, and equally difficult to celebrate the extension of one’s life when so many others have been lost. The very notion makes Hermann feel guilty. For those reasons Hermann has never marked his birthday down on a calendar in his time at the Shatterdome in any capacity, nor has he verbally acknowledged it to anyone. Certainly not to Newton.

It makes the hand-drawn card and small cake he finds on his desk the morning of June 9th all the more surprising. He does not need to read the card to know who the gifts are from. Newton’s distinctive handwriting and little crayon-doodled kaijus aside, Newton is quite obviously watching Hermann over his workbench for his reactions as Hermann inspects the cake. “How did you know?” Hermann finally says.

Newton feigns looking up at him in surprise. “Know what?” he says.

Hermann waves the card. “That it’s my,” he pauses, then continues, his mouth curling down with distaste at the word, “birthday?”

“Lucky guess,” Newton says. Hermann taps his finger impatiently on his cane, and Newton begins to tug off his work gloves with an eye roll. “Okay, I maaaaybe snooped through some of your employee records a little while back. But it was for totally valid reasons, dude. Relationship status, number one, birthday number two. How else was I gonna know all the important shit about you?”

“You could’ve asked,” Hermann says. He supposes this must’ve occurred right before Newton approached him in the laboratory a few months ago and asked him if he’d like to have sex. Hermann didn’t regret saying no at the time, and he still doesn’t, really, but he should’ve known Newton would be the…sentimental sort. Too affection-starved to let their convenient arrangement remain just that. At least he hasn’t thrown Hermann a party. “Besides. Did it ever occur to you I was keeping such things private for a reason?”

“You keep everything private,” Newton says. “I don’t even know your favorite color.”

“Most people don’t,” Hermann says.

“Yeah, but, you’re not—” Newton shakes his head, and lowers his voice, “—sleeping with most people. I mean, maybe you are, I don’t know, do whatever you want, man. I just mean—I want to know shit about you. Like your birthday. Since we’re—yeah.”

“I see.” Hermann sniffs. “Well. How terribly considerate of you.”

The sarcasm is unfortunately lost on Newton; he merely preens, and grins at Hermann, happy even to accept the smallest inkling of a compliment. “Yeah, I know. Anyway, what do you want to do tonight?”

Hermann expects he will do what he always does tonight, which is work late, eat dinner (usually cold by the time he clocks out) late, shower (also cold by the time he clocks out), and then go to bed. Though he supposes he’ll have to figure out what to do with the absurd little cake by then, as he doesn’t have a refrigerator in his bunk in which to store it. “Nothing much, I imagine,” he says.

“Really?” Newton says. “I was thinking we could wrap up early and head out somewhere fun for dinner. I was Googling cool places nearby that haven’t been, like, destroyed by kaiju yet. Or we could just get drinks. Or I also have drinks back in my room, and we could order pizza or something, so we don’t have to go out at all.”

“We?” Hermann says. Of course, Hermann ought to have known that sentimentality would also dictate he and Newton spend Hermann’s birthday together. All on account of a few, er, stress-relieving and completely emotionless liaisons every now and then. None of Hermann’s previous sexual partners (a rare handful, but existent nonetheless) have ever insisted on spending his birthday with him, and they’ve certainly never bought Hermann a card or cake, either. It would feel far too—well—intimate. What Hermann would only expect from a long-term partner. It’s really rather presumptuous of Newton to assume Hermann has any interest in celebrating with him. “Newton, really, it’s not—”

“Or we don’t have to have dinner at all,” Newton says quickly. “You could come over, and we can just…”

Do what they typically do when Hermann goes to Newton’s bunk, he expects. Hermann clears his throat. “You really have done quite enough for me already today,” he says. "I don't think—well—" He fidgets, scraping his cane across the floor, glancing back down at the cake and card. Newton has clearly handmade the cake as well: the frosting is colored a rather eye-searing shade of blue, layered on messily, and the Happy Birthday Hermann! written in yellow across it is cramped at the end, as if Newton did a poor job of space management. It is rather sweet of him. Hermann finds his heart softening just a bit towards his odd lab partner. "Oh, alright," he says, and Newton perks up happily. "But I'd rather not do anything too, er, fancy for dinner."

"Ha!" Newton says. "Awesome! Come over at six?"

Six means that Hermann will have to leave the laboratory no later than fifty-thirty if he wishes to shower and prepare himself for any sort of activity that may arise between them while they sit alone in Newton's bunk. Five-fifteen, if Hermann is being realistic, as he knows he will spend at least twenty minutes fussing over his appearance (wondering if he ought to shave away the few almost-clear pieces of stubble on his chin, smoothing back his hair, critically eyeing up his bony chest) as he always does upon the evenings when Newton invites him over. Hermann would like to protest and remind Newton that he does need to get some work done, but he really can't find it in himself, especially not when he knows Newton will put up a fuss and try to argue Hermann out of it anyway. "Six," Hermann agrees. He supposes he could use an early night in. Besides, it might be nice to treat his birthday as something special this year.

-------

Hermann arrives at Newton's bunk promptly at six. In lieu of dinner, which Hermann did not really expect they would be having, Newton (stripped down to a faded pair of boxer shorts and a white undershirt) leads Hermann over to his bed, sets his cane aside, lays him on his back, and begins to kiss him before either of them exchange a single word. It's rather more gently than Hermann is used to from Newton. Their liaisons are typically of the fast and rough sort, spurned on by fierce arguments and a need to outdo each other in everything, even sex. He can't say gentle doesn't feel nice. "What do you want to do?" Newton mumbles against his mouth.

"Do?" Hermann says. Are they not already doing something?

As Newton begins to kiss and stroke his fingers across Hermann's neck, Hermann finds his gaze wandering to the cinderblock ceiling of Newton's bunk. Everything feels rather nice and hazy. Newton's skin is warm and still slightly damp from a shower of his own, and each time Hermann inhales, he is nearly overwhelmed by the strong scent of Newton's body wash, unique, as far as Hermann knows, to only him on the Shatterdome base. Newton scorns the standard PPDC-issued kind, claiming that it irritates his skin, and so orders his own online once every few months. A funny little habit of his. Hermann is far less picky. "You're the birthday boy," Newton says. He flicks open Hermann's top button and nips at his collarbone. "Do you want to fuck me tonight? Or I could fuck you?" He speaks in short bursts, sentences stolen between pecks to Hermann's lips and punctuated by further nips to Hermann's throat. "I know we've only done it those ways a few times. But it's, like, a special occasion. And we have lots of time. I got new lube. Just in case. It got good reviews online?"

Hermann shivers pleasantly each time Newton says fuck. Newton's voice is far from sensual, Hermann must admit, but he is bold in voicing those sorts of desires in a way Hermann could never hope to be, and so it affects him as if Newton had purred the words. He secretly loves how crass Newton can be in bed—begging Hermann to fuck him harder, telling Hermann how much he loves fucking him, gripping at Hermann's hair and whining fuck, fuck, fuck while Hermann works his mouth over Newton as best he can. Hermann is not sure what he wants, and he's not sure what he wants from Newton tonight, either. "I don't know," he confesses. Newton kisses his mouth again, pressing his tongue in clumsily, and Hermann's eyelids flutter, the ceiling growing hazy. "Newton," he groans.

Newton's breaths are coming out in short, excited pants, and his fingers fumble over the next button on Hermann's shirt. Hermann suddenly feels foolish for changing into a fresh shirt and pair of slacks after his shower and not just his pajamas as Newton has. Foolish, and impatient with himself. It'll take Newton longer to strip him down to his bare skin.

"If you don't want to do all that I could just jerk us off a little," Newton says. He inches his hand down to the front of Hermann's slacks, rubbing against Hermann's zipper as clumsily as he'd kissed him. It's far too rough and graceless to be truly arousing, but it's Newton doing it to him, so Hermann pushes into his palm anyway. He feels Newton smile against his skin. "Or anything. Seriously. I wanna, like, make you feel good."

At once Hermann knows what he wants, and the need for it seizes him so tightly that he flushes brilliantly and bites down on his lip to keep from blurting it out and making a fool of himself. (It would hardly be healthy for Newton's already inflated ego if he knew just how badly Hermann wants him.) Newton has done it for him only two or three—well, three or four—times before, and each time has left Hermann an incoherent, trembling wreck upon the sheets. And no one does it to him the way Newton does; their arrangement is not technically monogamous, as that would require an admission of deeper feelings which neither of them are willing to make (and which are entirely nonexistent on Hermann's part), but Hermann has long since stopped seeking sex from anyone but Newton after a disappointing experience with a handsome j-tech who simply had no idea how to use his mouth effectively. Hermann likes to think Newton's is more skilled for the sheer fact that he never stops running it. "Newton," he says, falsely calm, stammering only slightly when Newton gropes at the length of his prick through his layers. "Newton, would you—would you be a dear, and eat my arse? Of course," he adds in a rush, "if it's too much trouble, don't—"

"Dude, of course," Newton says, smiling down so sweetly at Hermann that Hermann's heart twists in his chest. "No problem. I have the extra pillows in my closet, lemme get them." He slips to his feet, but hesitates. "Do you want to me finish—I mean, like, your shirt, and your pants, and—"

"I can do it," Hermann says.

Newton nods, and stumbles over to his closet to dig around for the spare pillows while Hermann makes fast work of his clothing. He finds himself strangely unwilling to part with his undershirt tonight. Not out of any lack of desire for Newton to see him naked, but rather out of a strange bashfulness at the idea of being fully on display for him. Which is really quite silly of Hermann. Newton has seen him naked countless times, both in his own bed and in the laboratory decontamination shower after some (Newton-induced) accident or another. It is only when Newton returns with the pillows that Hermann finally tosses the undershirt to the floor with the rest of his clothing. He's embarrassed to see his pink flush spreading down his bare chest, and hopes Newton does not notice it. What on Earth is wrong with him tonight? "You look hot," Newton says, sweeping his eyes up and down Hermann's body. He's still wearing his glasses. "Um. Pillows?"

"Yes," Hermann says.

Newton arranges the pillows in the way he and Hermann typically do when they engage in this particular activity, with enough support beneath Hermann's lower back, left hip, and left knee that he won't strain himself. As he parts Hermann's thighs and kneels between them, Hermann suddenly wishes that he was laying on his stomach instead. He does not want to watch Newton, nor does he want Newton to be able to watch him, for he feels twice as aroused and twice as overwhelmed tonight and he's sure neither will help that; the idea of falling apart under Newton's gaze is so tremendously mortifying that he almost asks Newton to turn him over. But then Newton is pressing a kiss to his inner thigh, and dragging his marvelous tongue across the sensitive skin there, behind Hermann's prick... "Oh, Newton," Hermann gasps, and Newton gently tucks Hermann's right leg over his shoulder, "oh, yes, Newton—"

He hides his whimpers behind his left hand as Newton licks and mouths at him hungrily, and fists his right hand in Newton's hair when Newton curls the tip of his tongue and begins to tease at him. "More," Hermann begs, breathless, pressing himself down on Newton's tongue to feel as much of it as he possibly can. His prick is stiff against his stomach. Newton laughs, and Hermann feels it vibrate within him. "Ah—more, please—"

"Uh-huh," Newton says. His glasses are fogging and crooked on his nose, and when he nods they slip down a centimeter. His tongue prods more insistently at Hermann, almost (but not quite) hard enough to breach into him, and Hermann bites down on his knuckles to contain another whimper. Newton hasn't even put a single bloody finger in him yet, and Hermann needs to calm himself down if he wishes to last until he does.

Then Newton sucks at him, moaning, and (his back arching, his eyelids fluttering) Hermann finds himself unable to hold off any longer. He squeezes his thighs on either side of Newton's head and cries out, "Newton—"

Newton swoops up to catch his release in his waiting mouth and swallows it all down. He presses a kiss to Hermann's inner thigh as Hermann trembles and shakes, and Hermann feels rather than hears him mumble something into his skin he can't quite make out. He follows it with another kiss, sweeter than the last, before crawling back up and dropping next to Hermann on the mattress. He watches Hermann catch his breath with soft eyes. "Please," Hermann says when he finds himself able. His voice is terrifically hoarse. "Let me—for you—" He gestures vaguely at the front of Newton's boxers and hopes Newton understands what he means.

But Newton shakes his head. "Nah," he says. "Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it. I know how lazy you get after you finish."

Hermann feels as if he ought to be affronted, but Newton says it with such obvious affection, and strokes his fingers through Hermann's sweat-damp hair so soothingly Hermann can do nothing but lean in to his touch happily. And Newton is not wrong, really. Hermann's eyelids are already beginning to droop. He imagines he'll be dozing any minute now. Newton winds an arm around his shoulders and draws him closer, and Hermann nearly shivers from the warmth his body exudes. "Thank you," Hermann murmurs. He's about to lay his head on Newton's shoulder and allow himself to doze when he realizes he ought to ask for permission first. Newton may still wish to go out to the mess hall and eat dinner, after all, and he may not want Hermann hanging around here. "Er—I don't suppose you would consider letting me sleep here? Only for tonight."

"Of course, dude," Newton says. "Not just tonight, any time you want. Seriously. I'm kinda—well, nevermind." He presses a kiss to Hermann's temple, and Hermann does not find out what he kind of is. "Happy birthday."

"Mm," Hermann says, shutting his eyes.

Newton strokes his hair until he falls asleep.

[zigtheeortega]

calm before the storm

✿ pairing: bryce x mc

✿ word count: 2.5k

✿ warnings: loss, death, funeral – angst.

✿ author’s note: i didn’t necessarily think that bryce was written ooc, but the whole post-funeral sequence was pretty weird to me. i’m someone who copes very similarly to bryce, so i could see myself reflected in him a lot. and i thought the s*x scene was very oddly placed so, here’s me warping canon again bc i’m dissatisfied! lmao hope u enjoy <3 also this fic is very close to me emotionally – i experienced two close deaths in april and june. 

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Since the moment his hands trembled amidst one of the most important surgeries of his life, Bryce was holding on by a thread.

With each half-assed joke he cracked, each wavering smile, each time he tried convincing others – including himself – that he was coping, he fell apart more and more.

The first night he went home after Spencer was quarantined, he trudged through the halls of Edenbrook, like he was dragging his legs through wet concrete. He was nearly magnetized to her bedside, not wanting to leave, but he needed to rest – he’d been awake for nearly a day and a half by the time he clocked out.

He blinked and he was back home. Couldn't remember how he got there. He was on autopilot and didn’t have a clue until he’d already wasted so much time. When night came, he couldn’t recall what he’d done that day.

The days between the diagnostics team finding a cure were torturous, the mere thought of not knowing what the future held – for the first time in his life – shaking him to his core.

He found himself paying close attention to Keiki. Each sarcastic quip, rude comment, or joke at his expense, he listened, soaking it up, no thoughts about the problem back in Hawaii. He whole-heartedly enjoyed her. Through one of the hardest times in his life, he was rekindling a relationship that never should’ve fallen apart.

The night he spent with Spencer, cuddled up next to her in his starchy hazmat suit, was the most daunting of them all. He was smiling and flirting with her, a little bit of his normal self shining through, but the crushing weight of his reality was distracting him.

This could be the last time that you see her smile.

God, he knew he had a killer smile of his own, but hers put the whole damn sun to shame. Her grin lit up her whole body, like every atom in her body was in it. And despite her sunken in eyes, her pale, sickly appearance, she still emitted those same infectious rays that he was eager to soak up.

This could be the last time that you hold her.

He curled himself around her, spooning her like he’d done a handful of times before. What he wouldn’t give to have a faceful of her hair again, the tropical scent so familiar to him that he couldn’t help but associate the scent of coconut with her.

This could be the last time that you feel her.

He stroked her face with a gloved hand, wishing for nothing more than to feel her smooth skin beneath his fingertips again. He pressed into her, hoping she could feel his warmth through the thin layer of fabric.

When her eyelids finally fluttered shut, overcome with exhaustion, his mind wandered to the possibility of it all being over.

And he couldn’t cope with that.

Thankfully, he didn’t have to.

When the treatment worked, and both she and Rafael were cured, it was the first time in months he’d experienced genuine joy. He didn’t know what higher power out there was looking out for him, but he silently thanked the universe for looking out for her. And for putting her in his life, and decidedly keeping her there.

The funeral was too much for him.

Seeing the two caskets, sealed tight, the endless arrangements of flowers, the sea of black clothing… it was overwhelming. Foreign. Like he was intruding on something so intimate that wasn’t meant for him to see.

And the sounds. He’d never forget it. Choked sobs from every angle, constant sniffling, a sporadic wail. The atmosphere made him antsy. His suit was itchy, his shoes were uncomfortable, and he was surrounded by grief.

Both Danny and Bobby meant a lot to Edenbrook, but it was nothing compared to what Spencer meant to him.

He must’ve slipped into auto-pilot (again), because before he knew it, the funeral was over, and he was outside of her apartment.

Wordlessly, he wrapped her in his arms, burying his face in her shoulder, the smell of her shampoo enough to bring him to tears. He was so fucking close to losing that forever. His free will to kiss her, to touch her, to hold her.

She invited him in, and every step to her room felt like each string that held him together was snapping, his sutures buckling under the weight he carried.

He was digging deep, trying to pull any kind of genuine quip from within him, to maybe – just maybe – convince Spencer he was okay.

But did he want to keep her in the dark?

Opening up was so fucking hard for him. Either he was a burden or he was let down by the people he confided in.

Trustworthiness was hard to come by, and Bryce knew that. That’s why Spencer was the first to know about Keiki, about his parents, about him. Not entirely, since he wasn’t ready for that just yet, but he was getting there.

It was a slow process, and he revered Spencer’s patience. Not once did she get upset with him for not sharing every detail.

And he almost fucking lost that.

His torturous inner monologue that he worked so hard to bury showed up when Keiki did. Guilt ate him alive, anxiety gnawed his insides, and regret feasted on whatever was left.

His mind was a hurricane, angry waves crashing painfully against his subconscious, the storm surge from his repeated trauma more than he could handle alone.

The one person he should’ve let in was almost taken from him, ripped from him like a surfboard after a wipeout.

He was drowning, and he flicked away the only hand that was outstretched for him.

And he almost fucking lost her.

The moment Spencer’s brows furrowed at whatever unconvincing mask he had plastered on his features, he broke.

His throat ached and flexed as he tried to choke back the tears, but he just… couldn’t.

Fuck, you’re so weak. He cursed at himself as the tears started flowing, warm streaks trailing down his bronzed skin, vision blurred like his head was under water. This isn’t about you.

The one time deflection was warranted, he broke down into a blubbering heap at her feet.

Like the angel she was, Spencer coaxed his body towards the bed, settling him against the down comforter before his legs buckled beneath him.

She gathered him in her arms, holding him exactly like he needed (like he wanted, but he didn’t want to admit it out loud).

She held him like he held her – like it was the last time.

The revelation tore him up inside, knowing she’d never take a second of their time together for granted again.

He pulled back, running a shaky hand through his hair, loose strands clinging to his damp forehead.

“I normally can hold it together better.” “You don’t have to do that around me, Bryce. You know that,” she encouraged, eyes still red-rimmed from the funeral.

“You’re the one that almost died, and I’m sitting here crying letting you comfort me,” he laughed through a sob, bouncing his leg on the ground nervously.

“You watched me almost die,” she whispered, squeezing his hand. “You’re allowed to be upset.”

His chin wobbled, and he rolled his lips to mask it. He took a shuddering breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “Spencer, I – have you ever…” He trailed off. Why was this so fucking hard?

“Have I been through this before?”

“Yeah,” was all he could manage.

She nodded. “Have you?”

“No.”

She nodded again.

“It’s making me think about my life… and the people in it. And things I could’ve done differently… better.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I saw you in that room, after the gas started affecting you, and your face… it –” he bit his lip to hold back a soft sob. “It got me thinking about everything that we didn’t do.”

“Bryce…” she laced her fingers in his, rubbing her thumb methodically over his skin.

“We’ve barely seen each other this year, Spencer. I got caught up with Keiki, and trying to figure shit out, and –” he searched her eyes, tears welling up again. “When I saw you in that room, nothing else mattered.”

“More than one thing can be important to you –”

“You’re important to me, Spence. You deserve better than what I’ve given you this year,” he shook his head, tears spilling over. “I can’t lose you.”

“You aren’t losing me, Bryce. I’m right here,” she practically cooed, trying her best to soothe him.

“I shouldn’t be the one being comforted right now. Please,” he whispered.

She pulled back, scooting backward onto the bed to cross her legs, as he stood up, pacing.

“It’s like I’m fucking up left and right with the people who matter to me,” he fisted his pockets, avoiding her eyes as he strode across the room.

“You of all people should know that you can’t take the blame for things that are out of your control,” she murmured softly, tugging at a loose string at the hem of her dress.

“I know I can’t control it and that’s why it makes me want to tear my fucking hair out,” he said through gritted teeth, biting back tears. He didn’t want to cry anymore, but his body had other ideas.

“Bryce, you couldn’t have stopped a bursting gas canister. Nobody could’ve stopped it.”

“That’s not what I’m frustrated over. I’m… I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick and making this about me. There’s a lot going through my head right now,” he laughed humorlessly, stopping in the middle of the room directly across from the bed.

“Talk it out with me. I’ve got time,” she smiled encouragingly, folding her hands in her laps politely, like the angel she was.

God, sometimes he was thankful for his parent’s demonic behavior, because if not for the bad karma the Lahela’s accumulated, there’s no way in hell the universe would’ve balanced itself out by placing an angel like her in his path.

“On the one hand I’m angry at myself for not spending time with you like I should’ve,” he chewed his lip for a second, trying to gather his thoughts, before speaking again slowly. “I could’ve lost you and I was more worried about keeping secrets from everyone and dealing with shit on my own, you know? Which I never should’ve done.”

“But you didn’t and still don’t have to tell me anything. You’re allowed to have boundaries,” she interjected calmly.

“But maybe… maybe I don’t want that anymore,” he shrugged out of his tux jacket, draping it over the back of her desk chair as he spoke. “You still barely know Keiki. I barely know Keiki. And I holed myself up when you were waiting there with open arms. I don’t know. Maybe I just didn’t want to burden anybody? I don’t know.” He repeated, downplaying his own self–realization.

“And I’m frustrated because I don’t… know how to deal with this,” he gestured around the room, then to himself. “How to wrap my brain around all of it. This was the first time I lost anybody like this.”

“I wasn’t even super close to Danny and Bobby,” he continued, shoving his hands in his pockets to calm his shaking hands.

“Losing people is always hard. Doesn’t matter how close or distant you are to somebody,” she said, trying to hold his eyes, but he could barely look at her.

He’d never opened up like this before. He was so vulnerable… so exposed, and he was afraid. Afraid she’d run away. That she’d bolt the second he plopped his thick suitcases filled to the brim, nearly bursting with emotional baggage from the past two decades.

“I’m sad about losing them, definitely, and going to a funeral for the first time in my life really fucked with my head but… fuck, I’m gonna sound like such an asshole,” he willed himself to look up from his shoes, staring intently at her. “None of that even comes close to what I felt when I thought I’d lost you.”

“Kyra was hanging on by a thread while I thought you were –” he choked, pressing his lips in a firm line to stop his sobs, which escaped through his nose in short breaths instead.

“I’ve never felt pressure like that. And my life has been nothing but pressure.” The words were freely flowing from him, like a dam held together by a few twigs, snapping to release a flood that neither of them anticipated.

“You had to run towards your problems, not away from them,” she whispered, like she wasn’t sure if he’d agree. But the moment the words left her lips, it was like the puzzle pieces fell into place for him.

Maui should’ve been his safe haven, but from the moment his parents were exposed in every form of news throughout Hawaii, he was itching to leave. The island fever settled into his bones and never left. It was an ever present anxiety he struggled with despite finding a home in Boston, Edenbrook, and Spencer.

When shit went down back home, he ran. When people found out who he was states away from the fallout, he ran. It was predictable, methodical, like an appendectomy. The same muscle memory that sliced skin and fastened sutures with delicate precision pumped his legs until he was as far away from his problems as he could get.

“Everytime I lost somebody, it was because I chose to. This time it was like something was being ripped away from me, and I couldn’t handle it,” Bryce said, a profound statement that caused a pained whimper to escape his lips.

“Bry…” She breathed, scooting to the edge of the bed, gently tugging at his shirt sleeve to pull him down to sit on the comforter.

“You don’t have to have all the answers right now, alright? And you don’t have to carry all of this alone. I’m here. You’ve got all of us,” she said, motioning towards the walls of the apartment. “Sometimes just letting it out can take the weight off your shoulders. And you’ve got a heavy load, Bryce.”

She rubbed soothing circles on his back, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “I’m not leaving you.”

He held her eye, doe-eyed gaze piercing – Spencer could see right through him, and god did he love feeling seen.

There was nothing he could say to thank her properly for putting aside her feelings to listen to him for a few minutes. Those few minutes where he unleashed a small portion of the shit he’d been building up for years.

So instead he did what he’d been craving since the moment he saw her behind the glass.

He pulled her into a frenzied kiss, pouring every part of himself into the embrace, wrapping him in her arms like she belonged there, as if he was saying “I’m not leaving you, either. You’re safe now.”

––––

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[official-weasley]

The Irreplaceable Charlie Weasley: Pt. 6, Ch. 9

PART 6: THE YEAR WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS INTO PLACE Chapter 9 - The Day of the Ball

Charlie

“So what are you going to do about the letter?” Nova asked as we were making our way to the Great Hall.

“I'll write to them to see if I can postpone it.” I smiled.

“But...” I knew she felt conflicted. She wanted me to stay as much as she wanted me to go and I appreciated that. “At least you'll be here for the Ball.” She tried to smile even though I could see it was tearing her apart.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, you will write to them to postpone for the Ball, right?” She looked at the floor.

“No.” I said and stopped her in the middle of the corridor. “I'll finish school and then go if they'll still have me.”

“Char, no!” She put her hands in mine. At this point, I don't know who were we even fooling. “You're not staying just because of me, are you?” I don't have another reason, Nova.

“No.” I lied. I knew she wouldn't stop pushing it.

“Charlie, stop lying to me!” She knew me too well. “You can't stay because of me! I just...” She lowered her head and looked at our locked fingers. “I-I panicked. I really wanted to go to the Ball with you.” I knew that wasn't the only reason but I also knew she was struggling to approach the situation.

“And I wanted to go with you.” I lifted her head and looked into her eyes.

“Was the letter really the reason why you didn't ask me sooner?” She asked hopefully.

“The only one. I knew you were the only girl I would take to the Ball the second McGonagall announced it.” I smiled softly. Her cheeks flushed red.

“I can't let you stay, Char. It's your dream job.” She cupped my face and my heart started racing. We were never this close before. “Who am I to stop you from getting something you wanted since you were a kid.” I knew she didn't ask it as a question. If she only knew how much she meant to me.

“Look, Nova...” I lowered her hands, I couldn't trust myself to be strong enough to resist kissing her and I didn't want to tell her now. “I'm going to finish my education. You're right about things going south, you never know.” I hoped she would fall for my lie this time. “And I know my mum would be happier with my decision as well.” I smiled. I knew she had a soft spot for my mum.

“Well, will you at least write to them to see if you can do something part-time? Our Apparation Test is next week, I'm sure you could figure something out.” That was not a bad idea. Maybe Penny was right, perhaps I can have both my dream job and my dream girl.

“Okay, I'll write to them.” I gestured that we should start walking again.

“And I'll help you.” She smiled, faintly. I knew she didn't agree with this. She, more than anyone, knew how much receiving that letter meant to me and I know she felt bad about me staying because of her. But I didn't care. I had a feeling everything would fit together as it has to.

We entered the Great Hall and our friends stood up at once.

“Oh, please tell me you are okay and on speaking terms.” Cried Tonks.

“We really can't handle another fight with you.” Penny followed.

“Relax, we're fine.” I smiled and looked at Nova. “We just talked.”

“And...” Tulip indicated that we should tell them more about it. I turned my head to Nova and saw that she was gesturing with her eyes that the girls should follow her outside.

“I'll see you tomorrow and we can do it after breakfast.” She half-whispered and hugged me tightly. Tonks, Tulip, and Penny stood up, mouth open. I just realized how they must've heard what Nova said. I felt my face turn red as the girls dragged Nova out of the Hall.

Nova

“What are you going to do after breakfast?” They finally stopped in front of a bench in the corridor and sat me down. Penny was beaming.

“I will help him write a letter to the Sanctuary.” I said casually. Their faces fell, disappointed.

The whole situation was killing me. I knew that he was only staying because of me and I regretted even trying to stop him. I had the whole speech prepared when I was running to find him. I was going to tell him he has to go, he has to accept the job but the second I saw him, I realized how bottled my feelings for him really were and I choked and I hate myself for being so selfish.

“So, he's staying?” Tulip exclaimed.

“Just for the Ball.” I was confident that I can persuade him to just tell them he can start in the second week of May. Their faces dropped even more.

“What?” Penny was exasperated and sat down next to me.

“You were right...” I started. “The letter was the only thing keeping him from asking me to the dance.” I smiled. It warmed my heart knowing he wanted to go all along but it pained me just as much that I meant so much to him that he was willing to risk his job for me.

“He asked you to the Ball?” Tulip sat on my other side, excited.

“Yes.” I couldn't help but blush. I just wish the circumstances were different.

“And what else did he say?” Penny pressed.

“Nothing. I am trying my best to convince him to go.” I lowered my head.

“But you don't want that.” Tonks said, slowly.

“Of course, I don't!” I snapped. “But this isn't about me. I know I will regret pushing him to take the job but I would regret even more if he doesn't get it because of me.” I felt my eyes burning from tears. “I don't want to talk about it anymore.” I buried my face in my hands.

“We just want you two to...” Tulip said softly.

“To be together?” I ended her sentence. “Me too. You know I do.” I looked at all three of them. I told them that Murphy asked me to the Ball and about the feeling I got when I saw Charlie, knowing full well that what I felt for Murphy was nothing compared to what I feel for my best friend. I know that deep down they know I am doing the right thing.

“I'm really falling for him.” I felt pain in my chest. “But I have to do what's right for him, not for me.”

“She's right.” Tulip, Tonks, and I looked at Penny. Out of all of them, I thought she was going to protest the most.

“If Andre got his dream job right now, I wouldn't stop him.” She explained softly.

“I guess.” Tulip gave it a second thought. They started putting themselves in my shoes.

“Damn it. I hate when you're right, Blackwood.” Tonks frowned and we all hugged.

Penny

“This is not fair.” Tulip sat down next to me while I was eating breakfast. She was frowning and looked like she was about to throw a tantrum.

“What's up with you?” I giggled.

“The Apparation Test!” She looked at me. “Mr. and Mrs. Born-in-December and Kitchen Boy can take the test while we're just sitting here!” I chuckled at how she nicknamed her boyfriend. I got to terms that I will have to take the test in August and I almost forgot that Jae, Nova, and Charlie are the only ones in our lot that can already take the test.

“You'll be able to do it in a month, Tulip.” I tried to cheer her up.

My birthday was in July and Tonks' was in June so we knew we wouldn't be able to do anything about it. But I knew Tulip was losing it because her birthday is 2 days after the test and even I think they could've bent the rules for her.

“Hey, perhaps they are not going to pass.” I knew that was a lie. When we had practice lessons, Nova was the second one to apparate completely, right after Jae.

“Oh, get off it! You know they will. Stop trying to make me feel better, Haywood! Let me be grumpy!” She sighed and buried her head in my shoulder. I tried to suppress my laugh, not to disturb her being miserable, and I went back to eating my breakfast.

“Tulip, are you trying to make me jealous?” Andre sat down next to me and kissed my cheek.

“Shut it, lover boy. I am not in the mood.” I giggled and looked at Andre. He was so cute and extra stylish today!

“Is this about her Apparation Test?” He whispered. I nodded.

“Hey, look on the bright side Tulip, you're getting your dresses today.” He winked at me. My heart melted.

“Can it make me apparate?” Tulip finally lifted her head.

“No, but I am sure it will glue Jae to your side as he won't be able to take his hands off you for the entire night.” Tulip blushed and I knew she felt better. I loved that he knew what would cheer my friends up.

“When are we going?” I asked and kissed him. “Right when the lot comes from the test.” He kissed me back.

“Will you two get a room!” Tulip winked.

I blushed. Andre and I didn't have sex yet but we were planning to sneak away at the Ball and try to see what the Room of Requirement comes up with. Tulip sneaks in there often with Jae, even though I don't think the room looks as romantic as I want it to be, at least not according to her stories. She and Jae are into some kinky stuff!

Nova

After the Apparation test Jae, Charlie, and I decided to go to the Three Broomsticks to wait for the rest of our friends. Penny told me yesterday that Andre has some dresses prepared for us and I couldn't be more excited about it. Jae and I passed the test, but Charlie had a little accident. He was pretty bummed about it, as he was excited to do this but when the instructor told him he can do it again in 14 days, he calmed down.

“So, how did it go?” Penny asked as the girls sat down next to us. Well, Tulip sat in Jae's lap and stuck her tongue down his throat, so Tonks and Penny sat down next to us and I giggled. They had a very interesting relationship, those two.

“Should I go ask Rosmerta if she can give you a room?” Charlie chuckled and then looked at me. I wanted to melt.

“Jae is pretty busy right now so I will tell you that he passed.” I laughed. “And I passed as well. Charlie, however...” I bit my lip and looked at him. I didn't know how he was going to react.

“Landed on an old Muggle woman who was shopping 5 miles from my target location.” He finished my sentence. Penny, Andre, and Tonks laughed.

“You can do it with me.” Tulip finally pulled away from Jae.

“The judge said that I can do it in 14 days.” Charlie denied her request.

“Oh, bugger off, Dragon Boy.” We all laughed. Tulip frowned and sat down next to Jae. I knew she wanted to take the test but I didn't know it bothered her so much that she would stop making out with Jae. Perhaps we should mention it more often. Sometimes their make-out sessions were too graphic for public eyes.

“Are you girls ready?” Andre decided to change the subject before she gets even madder.

“Yes!” Penny jumped in the air.

“Oh, right the dresses.” Jae took a sip of his Butterbeer. “When are you dressing us, Andre?”

“Next week.” Andre grinned. “Ladies first.” He winked at Penny and she giggled. They were just the cutest couple.

“I am sure whatever you're going to wear, you'll be the most beautiful girl there.” Charlie suddenly whispered in my ear. I froze, my cheeks flushed. I did not expect that to come out of his mouth.

“Okay, time to go!” I stood up as the girls started making smug faces upon seeing my red face. I grabbed Tulip's shoulder, she has locked her lips with Jae's again, and pulled her towards the door.

When we got outside, Penny nodded to Andre that he should go ahead. Tonks and Penny each locked arms with me, while Tulip needed a second to figure what was going on, before grabbing Penny's hand.

“What did he whisper in your ear?” Penny tried to hide her excitement.

“You were red as a tomato!” Tonks giggled.

“If you don't mind, I would like to keep it for myself.” I whispered, still feeling his breath on my ear.

“Aww, it was something sweet, wasn't it?” I thought Penny was going to melt. I just nodded as my cheeks turned red again.

“I can't wait for you two to get together!” Tulip almost jumped for joy.

“Reckon he's a good kisser?” Tonks asked out of the blue.

“Well, Nova will soon be able to answer that question.” Penny looked at me and winked. I started walking faster as I didn't want to discuss how good of a kisser Charlie is. Even though I was wondering how his lips feel like every single day.

“So did he write the letter to the Sanctuary?” I thanked Merlin for Tulip changing the subject.

“He did. I couldn't convince him to just stay for the Ball.” I frowned. It was so unfair. I was prepared to duel him for it but he wouldn't have it.

“So what did he sent them?” Penny asked.

“He wrote that he is honored but that he would like to finish his education and if there is any way he might still get the job and he asked if there is a way that he could do something part-time. So he could do school but still be involved.” I answered.

“That seems like the best possible outcome.” Tonks thought out loud.

“Does that mean he's staying next year as well?” Tulip grinned.

“Depends on what they say in the letter.” I shrugged. “I made him swear that if they reply and say that it's now or never, he has to go.”

“And what did he say?” Penny almost sang.

“He wasn't happy about it but he knew there was no point fighting me.” I tried to smile.

“So part-time Hogwarts, part-time Dragons it is!” Tonks exclaimed. They couldn't imagine how much I hoped that would be the case.

Charlie

I couldn't believe that since that day in Third Year, when Nova befriended the Hippogriff and my crush started, the day to tell her finally arrived. Today was the Ball and it was also the day I will tell Nova how I feel about her. I slept surprisingly good, giving that I was going through 10 different speeches in my head the whole night. The second I woke up, I was nervous.

I was also anxious because mum sent me a letter 14 days ago saying she will buy me dress robes. Of course, I needed a week's worth of correspondence just to explain that Nova and I are going to the Ball as friends and that we are not a couple. She was so excited that she sent me a letter per day asking for every detail to the point that I gave in and told her how I asked Nova to the dance.

If everything goes well tonight and we become more than friends, I am never telling my family. They are too obsessed with us! My mum sent me all those letters but no dress robes. I was beginning to think that she got so excited that I am taking Nova to the Ball that she forgot.

I got dressed, woke up Jae, for who I was sure came back in the middle of the night again. I swear those two are like bunnies. All they do is have sex. I chuckled.

“C'mon, lover boy, let me take you down for breakfast.” I winked at him when he glared at me, sleepily.

We made our way down and sat next to Andre. Neither of the girls was there.

“How come you're sitting alone, Andre?” I asked and sat down next to him.

“I was actually hoping to see you mates. Need any help with the robes to impress the ladies?” He winked at me.

“If you have any to spare I would be very happy. My mum forgot to send me mine.” I frowned. Before Andre could snap out of shock and get over the fact that I wasn't ready on the day of the Ball, Errol landed straight in his porridge.

“Sorry, 'bout that!” I scratched the back of my head. I love animals but Errol was something else. She had two things for me. A letter and a package. “I think your dress robes arrived, mate!” Andre beamed. I knew immediately who the letter was from so I opened it first.

Dear Charles,

we admire your thirst for knowledge and the wish to finish your education.

I have talked to some of my partners and we have agreed that you are too valuable to slip through our fingers so we are willing to give you a part-time position for now.

We will need your certificate of a successful Apparation test.

You would come to Romania for the whole of July so we can start with proper training. And given the fact that you have N.E.W.T.s next year, we would only take you 10 times per month. The schedule would be arranged in July and we will adjust your training according to your schedule at school.

Please send us an owl to confirm. We hope the terms are agreeable to you.

All the best!

Andrei Todoran

Romanian Dragon Sanctuary

I couldn't believe it. They wanted me so much they are willing to let me finish school! I couldn't wait to tell Nova! My heart skipped a beat. Now I really need to talk to her tonight.

“Mate, Penny told me you fancy Nova, but I don't think she'll want to be your girl in this.” Andre's voice of disgust made me look up from my letter. I was beginning to get angry with Penny about telling Andre but the sight of my dress robes stopped me.

“WHAT the fuck is this?” I couldn't shake the look of horror off my face.

“I think Nova will regret saying yes to you.” Jae almost fell off his seat from laughing so hard.

The robes my mum sent me were ghastly! There was lace everywhere! The color was okay, I guess. Dark green with burgundy and it had a Dragon embroidered on the back which was nice. If the lace was gone and the pants wouldn't be bright red perhaps I would see the light at the end of the tunnel.

“Don't worry, mate.” Andre slapped me across the back. “I know how to fix this!” He grabbed the package and pulled me with him. I followed him to Charms classroom and he took out his wand.

With one flick a mannequin, a mirror, a chair, and some sewing supplies appeared in front of us. Andre placed the robes on the mannequin and I wanted to die of embarrassment. They looked even worse now!

He flicked his wand back and forth, knowing exactly what he was doing and suddenly all lace was gone.

“We don't want that, do we.” Andre said more to himself than me. Penny was right, he was enjoying doing this.

He then changed the color of the trousers to black and my chest started to feel lighter.

“Hope you don't mind the color change, mate. This suits you more.” He said as he turned the coat burgundy. He then pointed his wand to the chair and it looked like something was sewing itself out of nothing. A few minutes later there was a black waistcoat.

“Did you just sew this?” I was in awe. I couldn't help but wonder how amazing Nova is going to look if he was able to save my outfit like this.

“Yeah, mate. A piece of cake!” He turned back to my coat and the Dragon on the back turned golden.

He cut the laces off the shirt and made the cuts disappear. Then he turned his wand to the chair again and something golden and silky-like started to appear, his sewing kit hard at work.

He was done in 15 minutes and I was speechless. He turned the green-red-lace monstrosity into something I would never be able to afford if I had to buy it.

“C'mon, time for you to try it on. See how it fits.” He flicked his wand and a wooden room divider appeared between us. He handed me the robes.

“I can do the tie if you want.” I put on the black pants, the white shirt, the black waistcoat, and the dark red coat.

“Now, that's what I call handsome!” He grinned at me.

“I think the waistcoat could fit a little better.” I looked at it. It was tight around my upper back because of my muscles but too loose around my waist.

“No problem, mate.” He fixed it immediately. He placed the golden tie around my neck and tied it. He grabbed my shoulders and turned me to the mirror.

I was never the one to look at myself in the mirror more than I had to. Not that I was self-conscious, well maybe because of all the freckles and I rarely found myself attractive. But what Andre did with the outfit, even I couldn't deny that I didn't look that bad.

“Nova won't know what hit her.” He smiled at me, looking over my shoulder. I was flushed but at least I had an outfit to match. “I turned your coat red so you two will match better.” He winked at me.

“Thank you, Andre. I don't know what to say.” I looked at him and back at my reflection. He even made my bottom look good and I never liked how defined it was.

“That's what friends are for!” He grinned. “Just promise me to tell Nova how you feel. Penny did tell me but she didn't have to. You're so obvious, mate.” He patted my back and started putting stuff away.

I looked at myself again. It was time to stop being obvious and admit my feelings.

Nova

Where else would we get ready for the Ball than in the Room of Requirement! We wanted to get ready together and nobody knew the make-up spells better than Penny. I was beginning to get nervous and I couldn't stop thinking about Charlie. This was such a big day for us and I didn't have a clue what was going to happen.

Charlie still hasn't heard from Romania yet and I was beginning to lose hope that the answer would be positive. That's what made me even more determined that I would do anything to spend a beautiful night with him. Might at least have one good memory before he has to leave.

“So, what are you planning tonight?” Tulip asked me. My eyes were closed as Penny was putting some eyeshadow on me.

“What do you mean?” I tried to move my lips as little as possible as Penny already scolded me for moving too much.

“You and Charlie.” Tulip teased.

“Together at the Ball.” Tonks joined her.

“I told you his letter hasn't arrived yet and I am not doing anything before that.” I mumbled.

“And if he says something?” Penny stopped and I opened my eyes. They were all staring at me with their smug faces.

“Then, we'll talk about it.” I said casually. I don't know what would happen if he asked me on a date. I didn't want to get my hopes up. I already felt anxious.

“Oh, c'mon give yourself a break and promise us that you'll enjoy your time with him tonight.” Tonks rolled her eyes.

“Tonks is right, Nova. Please forget about the whole Romania thing and just give in.” Tulip agreed.

“I will.” I said, almost whispering. “I promise.” They were right. I needed to relax and just see how things turn out.

“You're all done!” Penny exclaimed and Tulip and Tonks looked at me.

“Wow, Nova...” Tulip was left with her mouth open.

“Alright, Pen. We want Charlie to ask her out not marry her!” Tonks was stunned.

“You are so pretty!” Tulip started to shake. Penny offered me her hand, I stood up and I walked to the mirror.

I was dumbfounded. I was already in love with the dress Andre picked out for me. It was dark burgundy. It had layers from the waist down and at the end of each, there was a golden decorative stitch. The length was just right; to my knees. The upper part was my favorite. It fitted my figure perfectly and it had an oval collar that ended on my collar bone. The sleeves and the whole back were made out of lace and the back was half open. I felt like a princess in it.

My hair was in a beautiful braided bun. Penny put something that looked like thin golden locks of hair in and in the front left a curl of hair on each side of my face. She put golden eyeshadow on my eyes and dark red lipstick.

Andre styled the dress with golden heels and made me transfigure the Dragon necklace Charlie gave me for my 12th birthday into a beautiful gold bracelet. Of course, he reassured me that I can transfigure it back after the Ball as I never took the necklace off.

“You look like a present for a certain Gryffindor boy.” Penny blinked quickly to not let the tears ruin her make-up.

She had a two-piece outfit. A white top without sleeves, with silver glitter and a yellow layered tulle that reached the floor and a black necklace that Andre gave her on their last date. She was so beautiful.

Tonks' outfit looked as if she was going to a Rock concert. It was such an interesting look having layers of black, purple, and green but it suited her so well. I knew she wasn't a girly type and I am glad Andre acknowledged that. He made her look ravishing!

Tulip wore a long royal blue dress, that showed her figure and she made Andre make a slit in the back because she wanted to be able to dance. Or that's what she told Andre. The second she did, she winked at me and Tonks and we knew why she needed that slit at once. “Easier to spread the legs.” Tonks whispered to me and we burst out laughing. Needless to say, she looked stunning.

“Tulip, where did you get that?” She was putting on a golden star necklace and then turned to me.

“Jae gave it to me.” She blushed and looked down at it. “It was our first anniversary yesterday.” She said softly.

“Already?” Penny and Tonks exclaimed together.

“I forgot you were hiding it for such a long time.” I giggled.

With us all being jealous of how amazing Tonks' hair was looking in all of its pink might, we were ready for the Ball.

“Are you ready for the best night of your life?” Penny whispered to me.

“Ready as I'll ever be.” I took a deep breath and we walked out of the Room of Requirement.

Charlie

Jae and I made our way down Gryffindor Tower. I was so nervous and it seemed like the whole lot knew I was going to admit my feelings to Nova tonight. On the way back, when Andre was done with me I ran into Tulip and Tonks and they couldn't stop giggling. Andre knew and Penny knew and since Jae was sitting with us when Errol brought my robes, he heard Andre saying I fancy her. Even though it would be a miracle if he didn't already know. Apparently, it was visible from the Moon.

“How are you doing, mate?” Jae asked as we were getting closer to the Great Hall.

“Would help if I wasn't so nervous, but not bad.” I answered honestly. “How are you?”

“Can't wait to see Tulip.” He grinned. “You're going to be fine, just tell her already so we can stop pretending that you don't like each other since last year.” He winked at me. Yeah, last year plus two more.

“Looking sharp, mates!” Andre came out of the Great Hall with Barnaby. I heard he was taking Tonks but I never got the chance to ask Nova if something is going on between them.

“Are they already inside?” Jae started looking around.

“No. I reckon they are still getting ready.” As if we had some silent agreement we all decided to wait for them in front of the Great Hall. Was it hot in here or was I just so nervous?

“I think they're coming.” Jae whispered to me. I strained my ears and heard Penny giggle. My whole body went numb and then I saw her.

[jcisthebestfightme]

BJYX Song #2: Nan Hai (Boy)

BJYX Song Series List

Okay dd, I promised I will write Nan Hai for you so here we go.

Disclaimer: My own thoughts only. I overthink. Don’t take this seriously.

This song is so complicated to analyze because dd changed the lyrics multiple times. I initially didn’t believe in the lyrics changing thing but I went back to watch the videos carefully and if you look at his mouth’s shape, the lyrics are definitely changed. And “ending CAN be changed” is super clear, which mean it’s not completely delusional to think he changed “thinking of you” to “meeting you”.

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I think I will start with the original lyrics but also talk about why he changed the lyrics at where he did. 

曾经意外 他和他 相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)

在不会 犹豫的时代 (In a time where people to do hesitate [to fall in love])

To me, the “accident” refers to love at first sight. We know that dd claims to fall in love at first sight and many clues (similar WB post, asking for wechat, handgun etc.) points to dd at least being attracted to gg at first sight. I think for “Nan hai” to fit, we must subscribe to the 2017 meeting love at first sight theory. The reason being dd singing this song first on 3/30/2018, which is 2 days after knowing he will play LWJ but before he got to know gg personally. It’s also possible he already likes this song and then later realize it fits gg and gave it to him. But then that means he’s thinking of someone else when he loves this song so much. And then he gave this song to gg? Wouldn’t he betraying that other person when he willing, unprompted gave the song to gg? This is why I stand the 2017 love at first sight. 

The “accident” can also be referring to falling in love or being attracted with a guy. It’s definitely not very conventional and for dd who was only 19 when meeting gg, it must’ve been a surprise. This theme also carries on to the next line, “in a time where people don’t hesitate”. I think this also points to homosexuality in this context because it’s talking about a time where people are more open. The original lyrics probably just refers to people being more open to dating in modern times. 

以为明白 (I thought I understood)

所以爱得痛快 (So I loved very straightforwardly)

一双手 紧紧放不开 (A pair of hands, unwilling to let go)

I’m under the assumption that gg and dd did not actually stay in contact after meeting in 2017. The reason being that if adding the WeChat is true, then it’s also true they said in an interview that they already added WeChat and never talked. If they did talk, they would try to hide this fact and not mention the already being friends on WeChat at all. With that in mind, I think this part of the lyrics that original is describing a past relationship that he can’t let go of doesn’t fit our story in March 2018. We can only say that dd may be referring to his naiveness and that he “thought he understood” love so he’s more straightforward about his love. “A pair of hands unwilling to let go” may be about how he’s not willing to let go of gg, thus being persistent.

In summer 2019 when dd mentions this song again, dd may be talking about his initial bluntness when approaching gg. We can see in the bts how obvious he is about his adoration. But over time, he probably learned that love is more than just telling the other person. Because of their status and environment, they often have to hide their love so it can no longer be as straightforward so it was in the beginning. But even then, he’s still unwilling to let go of gg. 

心中的 执着与未来 (The persistence and future in my heart)

In March 2018, the “persistence” matches with dd’s persistence to try to get close to gg. He was persistent about getting the role of LWJ, putting in his picture twice and then auditioning in person. The “future” refers to the unknown that will come with filming CQL. In summer 2019, the “persistence” is his willingness to keep fighting for their relationship even though it’s hard. The “future” at this point has more longevity and is about them spending their life together.

忘不了 你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)

但结局难更改 (But the ending cannot be changed)

The original lyrics here is the singer who already broke up with his lover and is reminiscing about their love. He’s sad that he cannot change their ending. In March 2018, dd is probably referring to not being about to forget gg even though they only met briefly. When he sang this song on 3/30/18, he changed “cannot” to “can”. He knew that he will be playing LWJ already so he’s changing his own ending by pursuing this role. Not surprise our little lion cub has decided to take destiny into his own hands and change a tragic ending into a happy one.

In ttxs recording in July, 2019, “忘不了 你的爱 (I can’t forget your love)” is the line that he purposefully wrote, and then looked at gg right afterwards. This means that this is the line that stuck out to him the most at this point in time. He’s telling gg that he will remember their love for the rest of their life. Compare this to June 2018 where when prompted to sing the song, he chose to sing the first line “曾经意外 他和他 相爱 (Once upon a time, by accident, he fell in love with her/him)”. At that point, their love is just the beginning of the story and it’s more just dd falling for gg. Now in 2019, their relationship has developed into not being able to forget each other. 

我没能把你留下来 (I couldn’t make you stay)

更不像他 能给你一个 期待的未来 (Unlike him/her, who could give you a expected future)

那幼稚的男孩 (That childish boy)

The original meaning of going through a breakup doesn’t fit again. But I think the second line refers to homosexuality. Dd feels like he can’t give gg an “expected future” because of their gender. Here, I think he’s coming himself to a girl, any girl, that can give gg what others may call a “complete, happy family.” 

He can also be insecure about his age. Since he’s much younger, he’s not sure what kind of future he can give gg. The “childish boy” refers to himself. Dd has always been insecure about his age compare to gg, evident whenever gg calls him a “kid”. (Fun fact: “That boy with a mole” is a homophone here so people joke he’s actually referring to gg.)

你的关怀一直随身携带 (Your caring, I bring it with me everywhere)

无人的地方再打开 (I open it [the caring] only when no one is already)

Here, I think it’s amazing that dd may not have known gg well at that point but can already tell he’s a very caring person. And in my own opinion, I think gg’s meticulous care for dd is what makes dd falls hard for him. 

想问你现在 (I want to ask if right now)

是否忧伤不再 (you are no longer sad)

像躺在阳光下的海 (Just like the ocean under the sun)

像用心涂抹的色彩 (like colors painted with love)

让你微笑起来 勇敢起来 (Let you smile again, brave again)

Here, there are coincidental reference to gg: painted colors because is an artist and smile because gg has a beautiful smile.

On dd’s birthday in 2019, gg was in Abu Dhabi and he posted an image of the ocean on instagram. The photo was time stamp at 17:52, which is 1:52pm in Abu Dhabi. If you on QQ, the time at “1:52” of “Nan Hai” is the “just like ocean under the song”. I can just imagine gg, looking at the ocean on dd’s birthday, thinking of him, thinking of his favorite song and taking a photo of it and sharing it. It’s definitely something I would do but would be too afraid no one will understand. And gg is known to do this, as pointed out by his solo fans. He timestamp a song lyrics from the album Kepler for his fans (see Analysis of Blue Sky White Cloud.)

想你就现在 (Thinking of you now)

想你 每当我又徘徊 (Thinking of you whenever I waver/wonder)

This is the part dd changed from “thinking” to “meeting” when he sang this song (4/2), the day before meeting gg for the first time on set (4/3). This is like fate has given him a second chance of meeting. To me, the way he sang this part is full of gratitude and unwillingness to let go of this love again. 

所有遗憾的 都不是未来 (All regrets are in the past, they are not conducive for our future)

所有爱最后都难免 逃不过伤害 (All love will have some inevitable pain)

不必再重来 (It doesn’t need to be repeat)

This part gives me a lot of hope. The original lyrics is trying to use this part to let go of this past relationship and move on. However, I think to dd, it means that they have a bright future ahead of them that he’s not willing to let go. In 2019, it can mean that whatever pain/misunderstanding they may have in the past year, they will move on to the future together. What is interesting is that the third line doesn’t specify “they.” Is it the “pain” that cannot be avoided or the “love” that they shared that should not be repeated? I think the original song’s meaning is the past love but for ggdd, it’s the any pain in their journey. 

现在我��希望疼痛来得更痛快 (Right now I just want the pain to come faster)

反正不能够重来 (Since [this love] cannot be redone)

In the original song, this ending implies that the singer has decided to wrap up this relationship with a nice bow and let go of it completely since he has determined they will not get together. What about ggdd? Their love hasn’t/can’t/won’t end, right? So what did dd do when he sang this song in April, 2018? He didn’t sing these two lines at all! He left the recording right before when this will come up in the song. He basically sang the whole song (the beginning was cut off but it seems like he was singing before the clip started) but left right before the very end. Why? Is it because he knows this love is not going to be in the past? Is it because he’s unwilling to ever let go of it?

You can argue that maybe he stop singing because he forgot the lyrics or that his throat was hurting (you can see him cough afterwards.) However, he was already lip-syncing some parts towards the end of the bridge. He could’ve continue to do so until the song ends, which is what people would logically do since it’s almost over. Probably my own delusional thinking again LOL

This is probably the most complicated analysis I’ve ever done since dd sang it during multiple time points and he changed the lyrics. But after writing this, I believe in their love even more, especially if you think about when and why he chose to sing certain parts and leave out others. Overall, I think this song is dd feeling insecure about his age and gender to be able to give gg a stable future. There’s definitely pain in this song but also a lot of love. Dd, you are the most passionate “nan hai” and will be loved by the passionate “nan hai.”

[anistarrose]

Summary: Stan finds a recording from a fateful puppet show, a few disjointed memories fall into place, and the Pines family has some tense conversations.

Relationships: Ford Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Ford Pines & Mabel Pines & Stan Pines

Characters: Stan Pines, Ford Pines, Dipper Pines, Mabel Pines, Bill Cipher (posthumously)

Set in early September, probably a little less than a week after Dipper and Mabel went home.

(It felt good to write some Stangst again! Title is from Monster Town by Go! Child because when I can't think of titles on my own, I go to my GF playlist for inspo, and that song jumped out at me today)

***

“We should probably bring a backup camera on the boat,” Ford mused, in a tone that made it impossible to tell whether he was talking to Stan or just to himself. “Maybe even multiple backup cameras. There’s no telling what the Arctic climate could do to their circuitry, and people hardly take cryptid reports seriously even with photographic evidence, never mind with just an eyewitness account and an excuse about a broken camera —”

“Easy, Sixer.” Stan set down his fully-packed suitcase at Ford’s feet, satisfied with its contents. “I’ve got a camcorder up in my room, or maybe in — actually, I can’t remember where I decided to keep it, but it’s probably still in the house somewhere. If I can find it, you can add it to your camera horde.”

Ford zipped open Stan’s suitcase, revealing hand-knitted sweaters and Hawaiian shirts in approximately equal numbers, and sighed. “Some brave wardrobe choices you’re making here. Or have you forgotten that the first beach we’re stopping at is in Alaska?”

“Well, someone’s gotta lead the fashion revolution in the Arctic Circle, and it sure ain’t gonna be you,” Stan called as he headed upstairs, provoking a resigned “hrmph” from Ford.

Stan decided to look for the camcorder in his bedroom first — because while his memory still had some scattered gaps, his gut instincts rarely lead him astray, and checking his room had been his first impulse. Sure enough, he found it sitting on a shelf and covered in slightly less dust than the adjacent stack of magazines, just as he ever-so-vaguely remembered it.

“Better make sure this thing works, before Ford declares it too unreliable for yeti hunts or whatever,” he muttered to himself, leaning back onto his bed and fumbling for the power button. The camcorder blinked to life, presenting an interface that was probably hopelessly outdated — but Stan didn’t care, while Ford would have no way of knowing what modern Earth technology looked like.

What’d I even record on this thing anyway? He selected a random video from June, was greeted with his own voice singing the first line of the Stan Wrong Song, and immediately deleted the recording. With a sigh and silent vow to never let Ford learn of the song’s existence, he moved on to a video from July.

Once again, it was Mabel’s handiwork — heh, no wonder I couldn’t remember what I used this thing for, since the kids were always borrowing it from me — but this time, Stan himself wasn’t in frame, though the craft supplies strewn about the living room were enough to stir dormant memories.

“Dipper! Puppet Dipper! Smile for the camera!”

Dipper yawned, then somewhat half-heartedly mimicked the motion using the sock puppet on his hand. “Puppet Dipper’s not really feeling up to it this morning.”

“Did Puppet Dipper stay up too late trying to solve a mystery? Bwap!” The footage blurred as Mabel nudged Dipper with a sock puppet of her own. “Do I need to make him a little puppet-sized pillow?”

“How about… some puppet-sized sunglasses, for a puppet detective?” Dipper suggested.

“Good idea!” Mabel agreed. “Then no one will notice when Puppet Dipper falls asleep standing up!”

Stan shook his head and smiled.

Man, I wish I’d found this back when my memories were still a mess — Mabel kinda skimmed over the whole puppet saga in her scrapbook. Wonder what else got recorded from that week…

He selected the next video chronologically, noticing that it was also the final recording on the device, and the smile vanished from his face.

“You can’t stop me!” It was Dipper’s voice, yet not Dipper’s voice — all fury and arrogance, and the camcorder’s cheap speaker crackled with static, like the voice was too much, too wrong, too alien to properly record and then replicate. “I’m a being of pure energy with NO weaknesses!”

Without a doubt, Dipper’s body was onscreen, but he was staggering towards Mabel with arms twisted at impossible angles. He lunged for the journal in her hands, eyes glinting the same gold color as the emblem of the six-fingered hand —

Stan hit the power button, rolled over on the bed, and buried his face in his pillow as the wave of memories crashed into him.

Brushing off Dipper’s sorry state as sleep deprivation, until the kid collapsed on the way out of the theater. Seeing the cuts and bruises all over Dipper’s hands as Stan helped him to his feet, and grilling the kids on what happened the whole drive to the hospital. Not getting an answer beyond “sleep deprivation.”

Not being able to give the doctor an answer beyond “sleep deprivation.”

Telling the twins’ parents it was just “sleep deprivation.”

A tense phone call, assuring Mr. and Mrs. Pines that Dipper’s recovery would be swift and tha Gravity Falls was still safe for their children. Stan’s hands shaking as he holds the phone, having no idea if that’s the truth, if he’s doing the right thing.

Mabel crying over a crumpled-up scrap of paper — a note? — she’d found in the car, and refusing to show it to Stan. Half-overheard secrets, whispered between the younger twins when they think Stan isn’t paying attention — apologies, worries, and murmurs too soft to be in any way decipherable.

Dipper, still with bags under his eyes, spending the next few days doing almost nothing but looking over his shoulder and burying his head in the journal. Stan pretending not to notice, but secretly finding it far too familiar for comfort.

Later memories, too — memories of demons, and handshakes, and feeling his body go numb. Memories of a voice, a furiously shrieking voice — both terrified and terrifying, but more than anything, alien.

Now, far too late, Stan recognized it.

***

“We’re calling the kids,” Stan barked, barging back downstairs, and Ford jumped.

“What’s wrong? Are your memories —”

“Better than they’ve ever been, actually.” Stan stormed directly to the living room table, flipping open the laptop on loan from Soos and clicking the video chat app. “Good enough to figure out something that apparently no one thought it might be important to tell me!”

“Are you sure?” Ford put a hand on Stan’s shoulder. “We can still call them, but let’s talk this through first, make sure you’re not missing any gaps —”

Stan paused, cursor an inch away from the call button beneath Dipper and Mabel’s profile picture. “Did Dipper tell you about the time Bill possessed him?”

Ford started to say something, stopped, and tried again. “I… I assumed you knew. I’m sorry.”

“Did you know I ended up taking him to the goddamn hospital afterwards?”

“No,” Ford whispered, and Stan felt Ford’s fingers dig into his shoulder. “Call the kids, Stan.”

Mabel must’ve been online, because she picked up almost immediately. The video opened with her sitting in her kitchen in Piedmont, Waddles in her lap. “Grunkle Stan! Grunkle Ford! Guess what I —”

The joy drained out of her smile when she noticed her grunkles’ grave expressions. “What’s going on?”

“Mabel, pumpkin,” Stan murmured, trying to tune out the sound of his heart thumping in his chest, “could you go get your brother?”

“I’m here, I’m here!” Dipper slid into view, almost falling off his chair, and Mabel scooted out of the way so they could both comfortably face the laptop. “Is something wrong?”

“Not anymore,” Ford explained, “but Stan and I wanted to talk about… communication, among other things — Stan? Are you sure you’re alright?”

Stan wiped the sweat from his forehead and shuddered, forcing himself to take a deep breath as he stared at the computer.

Dipper’s back home. Dipper’s safe. They’re both safe, and they’ll never have to worry about Bill again.

“Stanley?” Ford echoed, increasingly distressed. “Please, if —”

“I’ll be alright,” Stan managed, because even he wasn’t a good enough liar to convince anyone he was alright at this exact moment. “Promise. But kids, why didn’t you tell me when Bill hijacked your puppet show?”

Dipper and Mabel exchanged a guilty look.

“Was it because you thought I’d take away the journal?” Stan regretted his ‘only self-defense’ stipulation for the third journal more than almost anything else he’d said that summer, because he’d always known deep down that it wouldn’t stop the kids — and in hindsight, he would’ve much rather known what trouble the kids were getting into, not have them hide it from him with their late nights out in the woods and nonspecific excuses.

“At first,” Dipper replied. “But we ended up worrying a whole lot more about you sending us home early —”

“Your parents almost made that decision for me,” Stan admitted. “They were ready to drive up here and come get you when they heard what happened. I dunno how I convinced them to let you stay —”

He sighed. “And maybe knowing the truth wouldn’t have actually helped me that time — but it would’ve been nice to know how big a lie I was telling when I told them this town was safe for you kids, y’know?”

He regretted voicing that thought immediately, but regretted it even moreso when Dipper looked away from the camera, mumbling: “I’m sorry, Grunkle Stan.”

“Stan’s not trying to guilt you,” Ford spoke up, “but we want you to know you can talk about these things honestly with us — and that goes for both of you, Dipper and Mabel. We’d never want to punish you for something that was obviously… someone else’s fault.”

Thank god one of us has finally learned to think through what we say before we say it, Stan figured.

“I’m sorry too, kids,” he added out loud. “For getting angry at you a minute ago — ‘cause I’m not angry at you, I’m angry at Bill for what he got away with right behind my back, and I… I just…”

He brushed a finger across their digital faces, a gesture that no doubt failed to translate to the video feed Dipper and Mabel were viewing, and smiled. “Thanks for picking up so fast, ‘cause I really needed a reminder that the two of you are safe and sound and all.”

The kids smiled back, visible for just a second before Mabel leaned forward to hug her laptop and the screen went dark.

“Anytime, Grunkle Stan.”

***

“Coffee?” asked Ford, ever the early riser, as Stan trudged into the kitchen the next morning. “You look like you need it.”

“Gee, thanks, Sixer,” Stan groaned, slumping into the seat across from Ford at the kitchen table. “I’ve heard of backhand compliments, but now I’ve gotta live with your backhanded coffee offers too?”

“Sorry. I’m sympathizing, not mocking — I promise, when I woke up today, my eyes were just as bloodshot as yours are now,” Ford replied, sliding Stan a mug of steaming coffee. “How are your memories?”

It was a routine question as of late, but Stan still managed to botch it completely.

“Too good,” he muttered under his breath, and earned a quizzical look from Ford.

“Pardon?”

“…Good enough that I can remember all kinda things to feel shitty about,” Stan reluctantly admitted. “Like not even noticing when Dipper was possessed, for one thing. I spent the whole summer worrying about him, except for when he was actually in danger —”

“Oh, Stanley,” Ford sighed, “that’s not your fault. You know Bill was an expert liar; he scammed too many people to count —”

“Yeah, but I shoulda seen through it!” Stan brought his fist down on the table, and the contents of his mug sloshed precariously close to the top. “Of all people, I should’ve known better —”

“Right.” Ford grimaced. “Right. Because no one else who should’ve known better was ever tricked by a dream demon for a whole lot longer than a few hours —”

“Shit. Ford, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like —”

With a controlled glowering expression and deliberate motions, Ford stood, marching across the kitchen with all the fury and hesitation of a slow-moving thunderstorm.

“I didn’t mean it was your fault! I’d never — ”

“…I know.” Ford came to a halt at the door, bracing one hand against the frame. “But if you can say as much about me, then… then why can’t you just say that about yourself?”

“What?!”

“You would’ve caught on soon enough, if Mabel hadn’t defeated Bill when she did — I wasn’t there, but I’m sure of that because I know you, and I know how well you know Dipper.” Ford shook his head. “I didn’t catch on to Bill’s lies for years. I gave him free reign to hurt people for so much longer than one evening —”

He crossed his arms, and his imposing silhouette in the doorway seemed to shrink.

“So if you’re not blaming me for anything to happen this summer, then you’d better not blame yourself, you — you knucklehead.”

“Are you kidding me?” Stan leapt out of his seat. “It’s no wonder you didn’t see through Bill’s lies, when your whole life, you had me watching your back — and then I wasn’t there for you, when you needed me more than ever —”

“Because I pushed you away!” Ford shouted, whirling back around to face him. “Do you know what I realized while I was trying to fall asleep last night? That if I’d just stood up to Dad when he kicked you out, if I’d just done the right thing for once in my formative years, then the end of the world as we knew it would’ve been averted altogether! No falling for Bill’s flattery, no arguing over the zodiac, no Weirdmageddon! We could’ve had it all, but we just couldn’t live in that better world, all because I convinced myself you were suffocating me —”

“But it sounds like maybe I still am, huh?” Stan growled. “If all I do is just make you furious like this —”

“No,” Ford gasped, all the hostility in his voice and his glare immediately melting away. “No, no, absolutely not! I’m not furious at you, Stan, I’m…”

“Furious at yourself,” Stan accused, “for being even worse than me?!”

“No! Don’t even say that!”

Before Stan could process what was happening, much less protest it, Ford was hugging him, burying his face in Stan’s shoulder.

“Maybe — maybe I am angry at you, after all,” Ford admitted, “but you’re my hero, Stanley. My inspiration. If am angry with you, it’s — it’s just because you’re too damn stubborn to forgive yourself…”

Stan gingerly placed a hand on Ford’s shoulder. “…Yeah, and you’re one to talk.”

“I won’t deny that,” Ford mumbled. He went quiet for a few seconds, and when he spoke up again, his voice was quieter, yet slightly more composed. “Maybe we need to just… call a truce. Find something positive to agree on. We’re both too stubborn for this argument to end with either of us admitting we were wrong —”

“At least for give-or-take the next forty years,” Stan interrupted, punctuating his words with a bitter laugh.

Ford barked out a laugh of his own, loud and cathartic, and withdrew from the hug, removing his glasses to rub his eyes. “If Dipper and Mabel were here, they would have told us to stop being stubborn old men a while ago. I wish they were here.”

“They’d probably also tell us it’s more Bill’s fault than either of ours,” Stan added. “And… I guess they’d have a point.”

“I can see the logic in that.” Ford smiled faintly. “I’m sorry for making this about me, by the way. You opened up to talk about your own issues, and I —”

“Hey, I made it about you just as much as you did, Brainiac,” Stan reminded him. “…But damn. You think we’ll ever be able to talk about our feelings without shouting our lungs out at each other?”

“We’re still no good at thinking through anything before we say it,” Ford replied, “though I guess we must be getting a little better, since we didn’t even stop speaking to each other this time.”

“Thank god. I’m tired of not talking to you.”

The two of them settled back into their seats at the table, and Stan reached for the morning paper, but Ford spoke up once more.

“I know forgiveness, especially self-forgiveness, can be… complicated,” he told Stan in a low voice, “so maybe I’m biased, speaking as someone who’d rather not grapple with my own personal guilt — but even more important than whether you forgive or blame yourself, I think, is acknowledging that you made mistakes, yet still deserve good things from the universe. And that goes for you and me both.”

Stan took a sip from his mug, pleased to find its contents were still warm. “Good things like coffee, and adventures sailing around the world?”

Ford chuckled. “My priorities exactly.”

[omni-scient-ramblings]

Daily Writing Challenge - June 2nd 2021

Based off the Song Adventure Is Out There by AJR

Also a prequel to the short story I wrote yesterday... This is leading up to the day Sarah met Evan

Sarah sat on her bed, covers thrown over her head, intent on blocking out the world around her. Her hair was a mess and so was her room. Her joints ached from being curled up in one spot for so long and while she was tired of feeling this way, she couldn’t bring herself to get out of bed and actually do something about it. 

The world was terrible and cruel anyways, there was no reason for her to actually get up and do anything anyways. People would dump you for no reason and they’d break your heart through a text message without a second thought to how excited you were to celebrate your six month anniversary.

Sarah buried her head in the mattress, throwing the pillow across the room as if it were some sort of voodoo doll for her ex-partner. Was it too much to ask for someone that actually cared about her?

A soft knock came to her door and Sarah groaned out some sort of response. “Go away” maybe.

The door opened anyways, despite her wishes, and her mother walked in. “Sarah honey?” Marge asked, sitting on the foot of her bed.

Sarah rolled over as if to face her mother, glaring up at the ceiling. No wonder Jesse hadn’t wanted to stay with her. Who would want to date a college student still living with their parents?

“Sarah...” Her mother began, sounding concerned. “I know the break up with Jesse was... Unexpected to say the least, but that doesn’t mean it has to stop your whole life up does it? What about that dive you were so excited to sign up for?”

“I cancelled it,” Sarah grumbled, hating how raspy her voice sounded from crying. She really needed some water or something. “I didn’t see the point in going if they were going to be there.”

Marge sighed. “Sarah, you can’t avoid him forever. Just because they broke up with you doesn’t mean that you two can’t be friends!”

Sarah sat up this time, resisting the urge to glare at her mother too. Even in her muddled post-breakup state she could tell that glaring at her mom wouldn’t end well for her. “Mom, they dumped me because he had completely lost all interest in me. If they wanted to still be friends after all this then he should’ve at least had the decency to break up with me face to face instead of doing it over text. Heck, even a voice text would’ve been better than a single message telling me it’s over!”

Marge winced slightly. “I know honey, and what Jesse did wasn’t right in the slightest-”

“He texted me five minutes before our dinner reservation was scheduled, and the cancellation fee at that point was more expensive than the reservation itself, so I had to eat dinner in the most well known couple restaurant, alone, on the verge of tears the entire time, unable to ask for clarification because of their strict no phone policy Mom! I can’t just ‘go on a dive’ with them!” Sarah said, her voice breaking towards the end as she realized that not only had her ex ruined her night, but the dive trip she had been looking forward to all semester long.

“Sarah,” Marge began, getting off the bed and beginning to fold Sarah’s discarded clothes that were scattered about the room for her. 

Sarah gulped. Her mom’s no nonsense voice was no joke. “I did not raise my daughter to lose all her confidence over a single breakup, no matter how crappy the break up was.”

“But Mooom-” Sarah protested, wishing she could just throw the covers back over her head.

Marge stopped folding clothes to shoot a look at her daughter. “The only but is going to be yours getting out of bed and getting ready for the dive tomorrow.”

“I told you, I already cancelled on the dive trip,” Sarah said, fiddling with the edge of her blanket. 

“Well then, luckily for you, Dr. Matthews was double checking the list yesterday and noticted you’d been taken off. She called the house to ask if it was purposeful or not and I told her it must’ve been some administrative error, so you’re going on the dive trip tomorrow, whether you like it or not.”

“MOM!” Sarah exclaimed, finally looking over at her mother.

“Don’t you take that tone with me young lady,” Marge warned, and Sarah crumpled again. “Trust me, this’ll be good for you. If you didn’t go on this trip you’d be kicking yourself for it years in the future.”

Sarah sighed. “Alright fine then... Can I at least have some privacy so I can get changed and make sure I have everything packed?”

Marge nodded, setting the pile of clothes she had already folded down on Sarah’s desk chair before heading for the door. “You’ve got 15 minutes to get dressed, and then I’m coming back in here to annoy you til you actually get out of bed.” she stepped outside, shutting the door softly behind her, and Sarah reluctantly slid out of bed, looking around the room for something to pull on.

“You’d think that with all these clothes everywhere it’d be easy for me to find something decent to wear,” Sarah grumbled to herself, looking under her bed for a pair of socks.

Sure enough, 15 minutes later, Sarah was out her bedroom door, sitting at her kitchen table with a bowl of cereal in front of her, despite the fact that it was almost noon. 

“I really don’t see why I have to go on the dive," Sarah complained, scooping a spoonfull of cheerios in her mouth. "It's not like seeing Jesse on this thing is going to make him want to take me back."

Marge just shot her a look from across the dining room table, taking a sip from her coffee. "It's not about getting Jesse back Sarah, it's about rediscovering your love for all things other than Jesse. You were excited for this diver before you met them, and you can be excited about the dive for it after you broke up too, Jesse is not the only good thing in the world you know."

Sarah forced a small smile onto her face. "I know Mom... It just... It really sucks you know?" 

Marge smiled sympathetically at her daugher. "I do know. And I also know that things are going to get better. I promise."

"Thanks Mom..." Sarah trailed off, staring down at her cereal. "I think I need to go out and buy a new pack of socks from the store. I couldn't find any at all in my room and I know for a fact I don't have any dirty laundry."

Marge laughed. "If it'll get you out of the house then by all means go for it. It's a do nothing day for me, so you can take my car if you'd like."

Sarah perked up a bit. Her mom never let her drive her car. "Really?"

Marge smiled. "Yes really. And if you happen to run into Jesse at the store, don't be afraid to show the old girl off a little."

Sarah grinned for the first time in what felt like an eternity. Maybe this whole dive trip wouldn't be so terrible after all.

***

Not less than 24 hours later, Sarah was regretting every single decision she had ever made up until this point. "You're sure I have to go Mom?" she asked, standing in the living room, peaking out at the bus that wasn't supposed to arrive to pick her up for another 10 minutes.

"Sarah," her mom told her, shooting her a look that was equal parts intimidating and encouraging. "There is so much more out there than Jesse. Or if you want me to put it into marine biologist terms, there are so many other fish in the sea."

Sarah resisted the urge to smile at her mom's corny joke.

"Adventure is out there!" Marge told her, doing her best to put on an encouraging smile. "You shouldn't be in here, moping about over some stupid demiboy that couldn't even bother to break up with you properly. You go on that dive and you show them that you're better than that. You're the up and coming marine biologist that can do anything you set your mind to. So get out there and find some adventure!"

Sarah let herself smile, feeling some of the tension leaving her body. "You really think so?"

"Honey, I know so," Marge told her. "Eventually you'll be out there making memories and having so much fun that you won't even remember your times with Jesse. And instead of losing your socks, your socks will be the ones losing you."

Sarah allowed herself to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of that one. "How did that make any sense at all Mom?"

Marge just shrugged. "Maybe it didn't, but it made you laugh, which is the important thing here."

Sarah smiled. 

"Now get out there and go on that dive! You've got this!"

"Yeah, Sarah reassured herself. "I've got this!"

She took a deep breath and pulled her backpack higher up on her back, opening the door and standing in the doorway for a few moments, staring out at the bus. “... Adventure is out there.”

“So why are you in here?” Marge asked.

Sarah hesitated for a moment longer before taking her first step out the door. “I’m not.” 

Marge smiled and Sarah did too as she glanced back at her before heading to the end of her driveway. Adventure was out there. And she was going to find it.

[emybain]

Quarantine: Renegades Edition

so please don’t take this seriously. i honestly don’t remember writing half of it, but it be like that. this is simply a glimpse into the lives of Nova and Adrian during a global pandemic, aka snippets of the few months they’re in quarantine together. also, happy birthday to my girl nova. there’s a bonus/crack scene at the end that was inspired by tiktok, as well. i regret nothing (other than this poorly written fic)

ao3

“They’re saying this thing could spread into June, July, maybe even August,” Adrian said, relaxing back into the leather couch, pulling the laptop with him. Nova adjusted against him, pulling the blanket over her legs just a little higher as the AC powered on. 

“That’s if people keep being dumbasses,” Danna replied from behind the screen, leaning forward to rest her head in her palm. “It’s our job as citizens to prevent the spread of this disease. Why can’t people get that through their thick heads?”

Nova and Adrian were on a video call with the rest of their friends, who were all also quarantined in their homes. Nova had her own apartment, but at the very start of this outbreak—a new disease that was rapidly spreading around the world—she decided that quarantining by herself for an unknown amount of time wouldn’t be good for her mental health, so she packed up clothing and other essentials and headed over to the Everhart-Westwood residence. Not to mention that a mansion was vastly better than a one room apartment. Oh yeah, and she supposed being stuck with her boyfriend every day wasn’t so bad. 

“They’re being ignorant,” Nova chipped in. “People think that they’re immune, or that this virus is being blown out of proportion.”

“When they get sick, I’ll laugh.” Ruby popped a cracker in her mouth before the camera became blurry as she moved. She appeared to have shifted from lying on her back to her stomach from a spot on her bed. There was minimal background noise from her end, which was suspicious since she shared a room with two teenage boys. They must’ve been off playing video games, probably who Max was laughing with from his room upstairs. 

Narcissa poked her head out from behind a lengthy book from her place on Danna’s bed in the background of Danna’s screen.. Like Nova, she lived by herself, and would rather be with her significant other than be alone. “This isn’t the first time a pandemic has spread throughout the world. There was the European Virus fifty years ago, coronavirus back in the 21st century, the Spanish Flu in the 20th century, and so on and so forth.” She waved a hand in the air. “Hopefully, people will come to their senses. History always repeats itself, no matter how hard we may try to prevent it.”

“Thanks for the optimistic input, babe.” Danna rolled her eyes and cast a glance back at her girlfriend.

“It’s what I do,” Narcissa replied, returning her attention back to her book, but there was a smile on her face. 

“Well, maybe when things start to calm down a bit, we can all hang out. A picnic or in cars or something.” Oscar shrugged. “Six feet apart, of course. I’m not about to catch something from you nasty people.

“Did you just suggest a picnic?” Ruby snorted. “You might want to check your temperature. I think you’re getting sick.”

“You seem to forget all about the many picnics we’ve had.”

Ruby stuck her tongue out in response, then straightened a little and turned her head to the side. “What?” she yelled. After a moment, she turned back to the screen and groaned. “Ugh, I have to go. Mom’s making me bake with her again. Maybe this time we’ll try something besides bread or cookies.” She waved at them before she vanished from the meeting. 

At that moment, the front door clicked and opened, revealing Hugh and Simon, both carrying multiple grocery bags. 

“My dads just got home from the store. We should probably go help.” Adrian sat up, leaving Nova to fall a little in his direction as she had been leaning on him. 

“Hi Adrian’s Dads!” Oscar yelled, though they were already out of the room when he did so. Nonetheless, they both shouted back their greetings from the kitchen. 

“I should probably go, too. There’s this show I started bingeing and I finished the fifth season last night. I’m dying to know what happens after that cliffhanger.” Danna leaned back in her chair. 

“Oh, is it that one you were telling me about?” Nova raised her eyebrows. “Based off of that movie series?”

“Yes! And watch it so I can rant to you about it! I’m so pissed off at the main characters. They’re just...so stupid.”

With that, the remaining five waved and said their goodbyes. Adrian set the laptop down on the coffee table in front of them, and they both stood up. Nova stretched, her muscles tired from sitting for nearly an hour. 

In the kitchen, Hugh was unloading the bags while Simon busied himself with spraying the items with cleaner and wiping them down with a paper towel. A couple of weeks into quarantine and Nova and Adrian knew what to do. They got to work putting stuff away, with Nova on pantry duty and Adrian at the fridge. 

Although Nova hadn’t been out in public since the world went into quarantine, she could tell that the grocery stores and other places were beginning to recover from the initial shock of the pandemic. With each trip to the store, Adrian’s parents came back with more and more food and supplies. Hugh had even decided to buy a fridge to store out in the garage for extra food that didn’t fit inside. She found that to be a bit ridiculous, but it seemed to make him happy. What was it with men and having fridges out in their garages?

“Is Max upstairs?” Simon asked, pushing a milk jug toward Adrian. 

“Yeah. I think he’s playing video games.” Adrian shot Nova a look, and she repressed a smile; they both knew what was about to come. 

“Has he done any schoolwork since we left two hours ago? Or at least left his room?” 

“I think he left to use the bathroom about forty five minutes ago,” Nova said. She glanced at the knock-off brand of her favorite crackers in her hand and sighed, placing it on a shelf. The off-brand wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t the same. It was the type of product that you had to buy name brand, as the imitations were just a waste of money. Alas, with the pandemic, she knew it was a fight to get the good products before anyone else. 

“He’ll get it done, Pops,” Adrian reassured. “He’s been doing fine the last couple of weeks. Just going at his own pace, is all.”

“I know.” A sigh escaped Simon’s mouth. “And I’m glad that he’s able to be a kid now, but being a kid includes doing your homework.”

Nova thought of the classes she was taking at a local university. She was doing her best to keep up with her online work, but as the weeks dragged on, she was losing motivation. “This quarantine is probably nothing for Max, remember? I’m sure he does his work whenever he wants to because he actually enjoys doing it.” She shrugged. “Better than sitting around surrounded by glass walls.” 

“You’re probably right,” Hugh added, washing his hands once the last of the groceries were out of the bags. “I’m not too worried about him, just as long as I get to see his face once a day.” He chuckled at his own words. Simon offered a smile in support. 

Once all the groceries were stored away, Nova and Adrian headed downstairs, taking the laptop with them. 

__________

Adrian stood from his seat, where he had previously already been on edge. 

“Nova, where are you going?” The glare he received was enough to scare off anyone else. He had seen this side of her before, though, and was unfazed. “It’s almost midnight,” he added, only increasing the glare.

“Anywhere but here.” Her eyes turned to Hugh, who crossed his arms in response. The two were arguing. Again. It was something that was new to their quarantine, having only surfaced about a week ago. They liked to argue over literally anything, from who got to have control over the remote to whether or not Nova should be a part of their daily “family walks” to the current state of the government and the involvement of the Renegades, who were no longer in charge but were still heavily tied into politics. Hell, even the weather wasn’t safe from their growing agitation with one another. Today, everything had been going fine, for once, until Hugh just had to bring up a curfew, as Nova liked to leave the house at odd hours. 

“This house is a fucking nightmare.” She gripped the keys to her motorcycle in her hand and turned to the door. From beside him, Adrian heard Max mutter something about irony under his breath. He too, despite entering the years of being a disagreeable teenager, was sick of the fighting. 

“Language, young lady,” Hugh said, warning laced in his tone. 

“Once again, you’re not my dad,” Nova gritted out. She opened the front door, revealing the darkness outside. “And you never will be.”

“Nova, what he’s asking isn’t completely unreasonable.” Simon ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’re in our home for who knows how long, so as parents, you’re now our responsibility. Even when you’re not under our roof, you’re our responsibility. We just want you to be safe.”

“If you don’t want to follow our simple rules, then why are you even here? We’re paying for an apartment not two miles north from here, and you’re not even there. Instead you’re here, wasting our time and resources.” Even though the words weren’t directed at him, Adrian felt a chill go down his spine. 

Nova’s mouth opened, and she stared at Hugh blankly. Adrian could’ve sworn he saw her eyes welling up. “I’m here because I didn’t want to be alone. I’ve been alone my entire goddamn life, and I didn’t know if I could handle doing it again.” She swallowed, hand turning on the screen door. “But it’s not like I expect you to understand.” And then she was out the door. 

Adrian rushed forward, eyeing his dad coldly. “Seriously?”

“She’s out of line!” Hugh defended, although Adrian could see the regret in his features. 

Choosing not to answer him, Adrian shook his head and went outside. Nova was at the end of the driveway, sitting on her motorcycle and looking down at the ground. Adrian approached her slowly, making sure his steps were loud so that she knew he was there. 

“I don’t walk to talk about it.” She hid her face even more from him when he bent down. “You’re welcome to come with me, but I don’t want you to get in trouble for breaking curfew.” Her voice soured at the word. 

“I understand why you’re mad, but don’t avoid me because of it.” He lightly nudged her chin with his knuckles. 

“He’s just so...so…” she lifted her head up, running a hand through her hair in frustration as she tried to find the right words

“Stubborn? Controlling? Self righteous?”

“Yes.” She let out a laugh, though it was void of humor. “It’s just...who does he think he is? I’m an adult. Even if he was my father, he can’t control what I can and cannot do.”

“You seem to forget that I’ve had to live with him for years,” Adrian said dryly. He reached for her hand and laced their fingers together. “I’m an  adult, too, but that doesn’t matter because he pays the bills.”

Nova gave him a long look. “You really need your own place.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“But you get what I mean.” She looked down at their hands, turning them around to examine the back of his. “I’m not his kid. It’s different with you because you’re his son.”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to keep you safe.” Her grip on him tightened, just slightly. Even though it had been a few years since the events surrounding the supernova, Nova still had trouble believing that her former enemies actually cared about her. It was hard to trust them when it had been ingrained in her from a young age that they were the bad guys. 

“I can take care of myself fine. I’ve been out in the middle of the night so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.” 

Adrian sighed and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. There wouldn’t be any reasoning with her, at least not tonight. He had to let her cool down and return to the subject when she had a clearer mind. “At least come back inside? We can go play video games downstairs, or watch a movie, or do anything you want. I’m sure once you and Hugh are both calmed down, you can reach a compromise.” 

“But I don’t want a fucking com-”

“Or he’ll see things your way,” he tacked on quickly. Right. When she got like this, it had to be her way. It was funny, how she resented Hugh at times for his stubbornness, when she was equally as stubborn if not more so. This quarantine was really getting to all of them. Adrian couldn’t wait for the day life could go back to normal. 

“Adrian? Nova?” Adrian turned his head around to see Max, who was squinting at them through the dark, despite the outside lights being on. 

“What’s up, Max?” Nova shifted her body on the bike to face the teen. 

“Pops wants to know if you’re coming inside soon. He needs to set the alarm so he and Dad can go to bed.” Max paused, eyeing the bike. “Unless you’re going for a ride, then he’ll leave it off.”

Adrian waited for Nova to answer, as it was up to her. Nova ran her free hand over the bike, then sighed. 

“We’ll be in right behind you. I was just...checking some things on her.” All three knew she was lying, but Nova was still learning how to express her emotions in front of others. Even in front of Max, someone she got along with as well as she did with Adrian. 

“Alright.” Max turned to leave, then glanced back at her. “You know, things are rough right now, and I know it isn’t easy for everyone to be in isolation for so long, but,” he shrugged, “at least we’re together. I was able to make it in a quarantine for ten years with no one but myself and the doctors for company, so this is easy for me, but I know I’m probably the only person on this planet who thinks that way.” He let out a soft laugh. “I guess I’m just trying to say that I’m glad you’re here, and that I’m glad our family is quarantining together.” The smile he shot her was genuine. He turned back around and walked back to the house, where Adrian could see the outlines of his dads watching at the door. 

“Huh.” Adrian watched his brother go inside. “Just when you think he’s starting to learn how to be a proper kid-”

“-he goes and spouts shit like that?” Nova finished, shaking her head. Adrian could see the small smile on her face through the curls hiding her features. 

“Yeah.” Adrian squeezed her hand. “C’mon, let’s go back inside.”

“Okay.” 

__________

Nova placed the mixing bowl in the sink and turned on the faucet. She reached into a drawer and grabbed a towel, placing it under the running water. The kitchen was a mess, although she had seen it in worse states. At least the ingredients were all stored away so that she could get started on wiping down the counters. Hugh and Simon were at headquarters for the day, as their presence was required for something Nova didn’t care enough to know about, and they figured it would be best to work from there instead of coming home. And, according to Simon, them being out in public and at headquarters would be good for publicity. It had been a while since they stepped into work, seeing as even the Renegades had to obey social distancing orders. 

Point being, they were out of the house, so Nova could do whatever she wanted without questions being asked. And she had grown to appreciate baking during quarantine, among her long list of new and revisited hobbies. The Everhart-Westwoods always, to Nova’s surprise, had sweet tooths, so they never minded that Nova made a mess of their kitchen; it was just when Hugh or Simon entered the kitchen and started asking a bunch of questions that got on Nova’s nerves. Today, she could bake in peace. 

Or so she thought.

“Mm. Smells good in here.” She looked up at her boyfriend, who just entered the room. He peeked at the oven. “Cupcakes?”

“Muffins,” Nova corrected, setting the used towel next to the sink. There was dried paint on his forehead, as well as on his hands. She had to shake her head. How was it possible to get so dirty? Well, she should speak for herself and her flour-covered apron. 

“Oh, well, same thing.” He shrugged and grabbed a water glass from a cabinet. 

Nova blinked and reached for the remote, which was sitting beside her, and paused the show she was watching on the kitchen’s small TV. “No. No not really.”

Adrian chuckled and nudged her lightly as he passed her to the fridge. “Yeah, kind of. The only difference is cupcakes have frosting.”

Nova scoffed. “The only difference? They’re two completely different things. That’s like saying ice cream and gelato are the same.”

Adrian turned to face her, leaning against the fridge. He took a sip of his water. “Ice cream and gelato are the same. One’s just claimed by the Italians.” 

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Those aren’t the same, either, dumbass. Ice cream, clearly from its name, has more cream than gelato. And gelato’s more dense than ice cream. Those are just two differences.” She crossed her arms. “There are more.” 

“And? What does that have to do with muffins and cupcakes?” 

“Because they’re not the same.” Nova had to laugh at the absurdity of it all. And Adrian claimed he was a smart person. Yeah, maybe smart compared to sloths. “Muffins are considered a bread. Cupcakes are...well...cake. Two completely different recipes. You can’t just slap some frosting on a blueberry muffin and say it’s a cupcake. Maybe it looks like one, but the flavor and textures are way off.”

“They both are made the exact same way, babe. No difference.” With the way he was smirking, Nova had the thought that he could just be messing with her.

“Don’t ‘babe’ me.” She glared at him. “Fine. If you won’t believe me, the baker, then you don’t have to eat any of my muffins. Not cupcakes.” 

He groaned and reached for her, but she dove out of his reach. “Nova, don’t be like this. I’m sorry. They’re not the same, okay? Happy?”

“Not until you’re honest.” She checked the timer above the oven. “I’m going downstairs for a minute.” Pointing a finger at him, she added, “Don’t mess with them. I’ll know.”

“Admitting defeat?” he called at her back. 

“Hell no,” she tossed over her shoulder. “This conversation is far from over, buddy.”

She definitely heard him mutter rudely how he knew, but chose to ignore it. After all, she was the bigger person in the relationship. 

__________

Adrian turned into a parking spot and turned off the car. He glanced over at Nova, who was giving him a very pointed look.

“The park? What did you plan? A picnic?” That was, in fact, the plan, but only part of it. 

Leaning over, he planted a gentle kiss on her lips. It only softened the look a little. “You’ll see, nosey.” He unbuckled himself and opened the driver door. “Now, come on.”

She rolled her eyes, but got out as well. Seeing her in a pair of cutoff shorts and a simple t-shirt was refreshing, as she had been wearing sweats for the past two months, ever since the world was sent into quarantine. She and Adrian both had been dawning the same three pairs of pants and shirts for weeks now. But, this was the first time they both actually got out of the house, save for their daily walks or motorcycle/car rides, so it was only fitting to get dressed up for the occasion. And by dressed up he meant ditching the sweatpants. 

Also, it was Nova’s birthday. Adrian hated that she was being forced to spend it unceremoniously, when so many of her birthdays had gone practically unnoticed growing up with the Anarchists, so he took it upon himself as her boyfriend to do what he could for her. And that meant having a socially distanced picnic in the park with their friends, who they hadn’t seen in person in months. 

They walked down the sidewalk hand in hand, going into the grass whenever a biker or runner passed by them to maintain distance. Adrian almost wanted to pull his mask out from his pocket, but knew he was probably fine. Besides, if he put his mask on, Nova would follow, and he knew how much she hated wearing them, for obvious reasons. They were outside, and there were hardly any people in the park.

“You’re an idiot, Adrian Everhart,” Nova said once they could see their friends, but there was a smile on her face. They were all spread out on blankets, making a circle, and in the center sat an unoccupied blanket piled with food and gifts. 

“Hey, I can’t take all the credit.” He squeezed her hand, grinning down at her. 

“It’s about time you two showed up,” Oscar said, checking his watch. “We’ve been here for hours. We’re starving.” He stood and went to the middle to start making a plate. Adrian made a face at his back. He had specifically asked that they wait for Nova until they started eating in the group chat, so he guessed Oscar was holding his word. He waited, after all. 

“Twenty minutes,” Danna corrected from her spot beside Narcissa. She looked at them and rolled her eyes. “Happy Birthday, Nova.”

Everyone chorused in their ‘Happy Birthdays’ and Nova thanked them as she and Adrian sat down on the one remaining blanket. “You guys didn’t have to go and do this for me.” She turned her gaze specifically toward Adrian. He raised his hands in defense.

“Blame Oscar for putting the idea in my head. All he ever talks about when we video call is how bored he is.”

“That’s true.” Nova shook her head in amusement. “This is very sweet, but don’t expect me to cry or anything.”

“You cried on your seventeenth birthday, and that’s enough for us,” Ruby teased. 

“That was literally two years ago.” Nova ran a hand over her face. “It meant nothing.” 

“Mhm,” was Ruby’s response, but Adrian could tell she wasn’t convinced. None of them were, obviously.

Nova peered at the food pile. “Is that Mediterranean pizza I see?”

“Yeah, and it’s all yours,” Oscar clarified, passing a plate he made for Ruby to her before sitting down himself. “I still don’t understand how you like that. There’s not even meat on it!”

“There’s also cannoli’s.” Adrian stood to go make them both plates. He knew that cannoli’s were one of the few desserts she liked, probably because they weren’t that heavy. “Do you want one or two?” 

She pondered the question for a moment, then smiled at him. “Two.”

When he returned with their food, she leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“What was that for?” He handed her plate over.

“For being you, and for giving me the best birthdays ever.” She shifted her body to lean against him. “How’d you know I wanted to see everyone for my birthday, anyway?” 

“Because I know you.” He kissed her forehead. “Happy Birthday, Nova.”

__________

Bonus crack scene:

“I would like to thank everyone for joining me today,” Nova said, swirling the water in the wine glass she snatched from the cabinet. Since Hugh wouldn’t let her drink actual wine, this was the next best thing. She cleared her throat. “I took it upon myself to observe the members of this household over the course of a week and rate everyone on their performances.” She pointed to the pyramid of papers set up on the wall, held there by type. There were pictures of everyone in the household behind a white sheet of paper. Starting at the bottom on the left side was the worst member, and the one at the top was the best. Why she decided to do this, she had little clue, but she figured it would be an entertaining activity to spice up everyone’s day.

“Is that what this is? I thought it was something actually serious.” Hugh leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. There was a smile on his lips. 

“It is serious.” She pointed her glass at him. The fast movement caused a bit of water to slosh over the side. “It has come to my attention that there are people in this household who have some improvement to work on if they want to move up next week.”

“If I’m not at the top, I’m breaking up with you,” Adrian joked, adjusting the glasses on his face. She narrowed her eyes at the camera he was pointing at her.

“I do not accept bribes.” Tearing off the first piece of paper, she began. There was a snicker, probably Max. “Hugh.” He immediately started protesting, but Nova silenced him. “No, no, no. You’re mean to me. Always looking to post up or some shit.”

“Language,” he warned, though his tone was light.

“Not to mention you don’t let me express my true self by cussing,” she added sharply. “Also, you tried to kill me three years ago and I’m sorry, but I just can’t forgive my haters like that. Try better next week, okay?”

“Hold on, wait a second.” Hugh held up a hand. “First of all, young lady, if you want to bring up the past, it goes both ways, but we’ve both changed for the be-”

“No comments at this time,” Nova interrupted. She ripped off the next sheet of paper. “Next up is Nova.” Laughter broke out in the room. Even she couldn’t help from smiling. “Not gonna lie, I held out hope for this one, but she’s got a lot of issues, if you know what I mean. Always picking an argument, refuses to participate in family activities, and is kind of just there. Doesn’t really do much of anything. The only reasons she’s above Hugh is because, for one, she’s far more attractive, and she bakes stuff for everyone.

“Adrian-”

“Oh, come on!”

“-you refused to cuddle with me yesterday and watch guilty pleasure movies because you said you were busy. You argued with me the other day on the validity of the Star Wars prequels and sequels.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “And you’re filming me without my consent. Other than those things, though,” she shrugged, “pretty cool boyfriend. You didn’t say anything when I stole one of your sweatshirts the other day, so that gets you some points.”

“Wait, the gray-”

“Max is next.” She tossed the white paper to the ground. “You never say anything mean to me, unlike some members in this household, but that could also be because you spend all day on video games. Because of that, I’m afraid you can’t be higher.”

“Hey, I’ll settle for third.” Max shrugged, grinning. 

“And that’s why I like you!” She nodded firmly. “In second place, we have Simon. Who doesn’t like Simon? You always have something nice to say, and on occasion, you’ll back me up in an argument because you’re an intellectual. I always enjoy our deep conversations, too. Truly a wonderful person.”

“Thank you, Nova. I enjoy our talks, as well.” Simon chuckled. He looked pretty pleased to be on top. 

“And that leaves us with,” she ripped off the last paper at the top, causing the room to erupt in laughter and clapping, “Obi Wan Kenobi. Truly an iconic and handsome man. Every time I watch Star Wars, he brings up my serotonin levels. Not just because he’s cute, but because he can land some sick burns.”

It was easy to say that, thanks to Adrian’s video, Nova started a trend all over the world.

[askmeforafic]

That was June and now it’s October

I know it's been a minute since you walked right through that door But I still think about you all the time

It had been months since Merlin had seen Arthur, three to be exact but that didn’t stop him from thinking about him almost constantly. They had gone from best friends to lovers then to not speaking at all and Merlin wasn’t sure what had caused it.

The last time he seen Arthur he had been joking about Merlin managing to be late to his own funeral (or party as it were), shouting goodbye before stopping to kiss Merlin breathless and wink. After that Merlin had continued on with his day eventually being late through no fault of his own.

He was greeted by Gwaine first, hugging him, pushing a beer into his hand and toasting him before he looked around at his friends. Pausing slightly he huffed and muttered the word prat under his breath.

“He had a cheek to tell me I would be late and he’s not here yet, you send him to pick up more booze before he got here?”

If Merlin hadn’t been watching closely he wouldn’t have seen the wince Gwaine tried to hide from or the frantic look he shot at Leon. He tried to fight the realisation that was dawning on him, he mimicked Gwaine and looked at Leon with a pleading look.

“Sorry, mate he’s not here yet but I’m sure that somethings just stopped him momentarily. He’ll be here soon, don’t worry the boy’s arse over tits for you, he wouldn’t miss this. Knowing him, he’s probably worrying about your gift.”

Nodding Merlin tried to let Leon’s words have the effect they were intended to have, he managed a weak smile before downing his beer and going to greet the rest of his friends. He tried to put it to the back of his mind but by the time he had spoken to everyone and had had a couple of more beers an hour had past. He snuck into Gwaine’s room to clear his head from the music that was flooding the flat. Pulling his phone out of the tight jeans he had put on after remembering the reaction they had got from Arthur he decided to text him.

“Hey, are you going to be long? I think Gwaine was mentioning shots and some club in Soho he’s been to? Love you xxx”

Merlin’s phone told him it was sent but not delivered, shaking he hit the call button and pulled the phone towards his ear.  It rang once before he heard the message, he hung up and tried again and again when it happened. Trying to keep himself calm, he poked his head out the door and seen Lance before dragging him into the room. He quickly put his finger to his mouth when Lance went to make a noise.

“Shh, do you have your phone on you? Mine doesn’t seem to be working and I’m trying to get Arthur.” Merlin was starting to regret being talked into pre gaming before he came.

Lance pulled his phone out and quickly dialed Arthur, waiting for him to answer he looked at Merlin who was starting to look a little worse for wear.

“Arthur! Where are you? Did you forget that we decided on Gwaine and Leon’s place?... Huh? That’s not funny Arthur, where are you?...  You’re boyfriends already had a little too much and is missing you, you better get here soon... What?... Arthur, what are you talking about?...  Arthur I don’t know what you’re playing at but if you want to say that to him, you can tell him yourself!  … You’re going to regret this in the morning Arthur and when you do I’ll not be helping you”.

Merlin listened getting more and more despondent as the call went on, by the time Lance hung up he was in tears. He must’ve been too loud as the door opened to reveal Percy who took one look at Merlin crying on Gwaine’s bed and Lance standing there and let out what could only be described as a growl.

“What happened?”

Lance sat beside Merlin tucking him into his neck and haltingly went through his phone call with Arthur. By the end of the explanation Percy looked like he wanted to kill someone, he walked out muttering and then came back with Gwaine, Leon and Elyan.  Gwaine took Merlin from Lance’s arms and folded Merlin into him, gently shushing him. Merlin calmed as he felt his friends arms come around him, he looked up at them and with his breath hitching between words asked.

“Why? Why would he do this? Why tonight? I just saw him earlier and everything was fine! He told me he loved me Gwaine! Why isn’t he here?”

Gwaine pulled him closer, cursing Arthur in his head as he was sure the others were as well.

“I don’t know darling, I don’t. I know he’ll end up regretting this, Leon was right earlier when he said Arthur was arse over tits for you so I can’t believe he’d want to cause you pain. We’ll get this sorted in the morning but for now I think we’d best go and call this party off.” He said the last line looking at Leon and Percy who silently slipped out of the room to go arrange it after taking the key Gwaine handed them.

Merlin didn’t remember the rest of the night, buried in his friends’ embrace he sobbed out his confusion and anger over how Arthur seemed to turn so callus toward him in only a few hours apart. He woke up tangled in the limbs of his friends, his head and heart aching and knowing that he wouldn’t be able to look his friends in the eyes this morning. Slowly he extracted himself from the tangle and on wobbly legs left the flat to go home and hopefully find his boyfriend was there with an explanation. Instead when he got back to his flat it was to a box overflowing with things he knew he had left at Arthurs. Fighting the urge to continue his sobbing from last night he pulled out his phone and sent a photo of the box to Gwaine before picking up the box and entering his flat, the sobs starting before the door was fully closed.

It's been me, myself and why did you go, did you go? Oh

Arthur completely ghosted him.  Merlin found out the reason he couldn’t call him was because Arthur had blocked him on everything.  He tried for the first two weeks to contact him to figure out what had changed and talk about it but by the end of the first week he realised it was probably pointless.  He continued for another week, their friends also still trying to get the reason for this sudden change out of Arthur with no success.  The only reason Merlin stopped was because as he came out of the tube station on his way home he saw Uther waiting by a car. He would have kept walking if not for Uther calling out to him.

“Merlin! You will stop this, do you hear me? You have put Arthur through enough without trying to contact him every which way every half an hour. If you don’t stop I’ll have to take action”

He was stunned, his jaw dropped open as he stared at the older man.

“He’s been through enough?! I got dumped by him without even so much as a word let alone an explanation! Excuse me for trying to figure out why he told me he loved me and then decided that I wasn’t even worth a phone call or text to tell me that he wanted to break up! Fuck you Uther! How dare you appear as some high and mighty saviour for the son you didn’t support when he came out! I know you blamed me for that but to rub salt in the wound like this? I thought better of you, you can tell Arthur I’ll stop contacting him. Clearly when we said we loved each other, I was the only one that meant it”.

With that he shouldered past Uther, trying not to make eye contact with any of the other commuters who stopped to watch him and Uther shout at each other.  He done what he had done for the past two weeks, tried to hold himself together in public before crying to Gwaine.  (Gwaine just as furious at Uther and knowing Arthur wouldn’t answer his call messaged into the group chat with Arthur ranting about pompous pricks who get their daddy’s to threaten ex’s with restraining orders. Arthur as it would turn out didn’t know Uther went to see Merlin, let alone threaten him.)

I still watch the shows you showed me, I still drink that wine. But these days it tastes more bitter than sweet

Slowly Merlin stopped having to try to hold it together in public, stopped crying to Gwaine and stopped crying what felt like every night. It had been a month since his run in with Uther and Merlin’s heart felt like it was glass that had been glued back together. He and his friends were waiting on something else to go wrong.

He had been on autopilot since this morning, stumbling out of bed almost but not quiet late and barely remembered to stop in at the shop before getting home. He quickly put together dinner absentmindedly pouring himself a glass from the bottle of wine he had picked up. It wasn’t until he pressed play on his TV remote and looked down at his dinner he realised that he had made Alfredo pasta which was Arthur’s favourite or that he had put on The Good Place which Arthur had shown him. He quickly paused the TV again and put his plate on the table to take a drink of his wine. He winced as the sharpness of it hit his tongue, moving back through to the kitchen to see what one he had chosen he stumbled when he seen it. It was a wine Arthur had given him when they first started dating to expand his palate. He took a breath when there was a knock on the door, walking to it without putting down the bottle of wine. Lance was waiting on the other side and took one look at Merlin who was two seconds away from crying, the TV still paused on The Good Place and the bottle of wine in his hand and gathered him into his arms muttering a quiet fuck into Merlin’s hair.

I miss those nights when you would come over, spent all night just tryna get closer

Merlin never really got over the feeling that when Arthur left him he took part of Merlin with him. When he woke up still half asleep he would roll over still expecting Arthur to be there, in the middle of the day when his phone would ring with a text he would forget and think it was Arthur. When he was cooking dinner he would sing along listening with half an ear for a chuckle and his name said in the way only Arthur could. When he would fall asleep on the couch and his eyes would flutter awake at a sound, expecting Arthur to be crouched down in front of him ready to drag him to what was their bed.

Mostly though, Merlin just missed having Arthur in his flat. His flat felt darker and quieter without him like he had taken all the life with him. It felt lonely without him even though when he had been in Merlin’s flat he didn’t take up much space regardless of if he was sprawled over the couch or sat on the counter in the kitchen while Merlin cooked. He didn’t realise how often Arthur was in his flat until he suddenly stopped coming over. His flat didn’t feel like his anymore, after all the time they had spent in it together it felt like theirs and Merlin didn’t know how to not think of it as that.

Merlin remembers when they were on the border of friends and lovers and Arthur would come over almost every other night with a flimsy excuse for why. They would start at a reasonable distance apart on the couch if Arthur had brought take away or in the kitchen if Merlin was cooking for them. Inevitably though they would slowly fall into each other as naturally as they were breathing. Merlin would blink and suddenly Arthur’s chin was on his shoulder looking at the food as Merlin cooked or they would be pressed together from shoulder to hip on the couch with Merlin’s head almost leaning on him. Merlin had worried that he was reading into things to start with but then Arthur’s arms would come round him in the kitchen before swaying them to the radio. Or Arthur would subtly manoeuvre them so he was pressed against the back of the couch and was spooning Merlin while they watched a film. When they finally got together they somehow got closer and yet they never stopped trying to get closer. Merlin thinks he’ll always remember the feeling of Arthur holding Merlin against him as if he was trying to make space in his chest so Merlin could live there forever. Merlin doesn’t know if he’ll ever feel Arthur’s arms around him again or the warmth of his gaze and that uncertainty was both the worst and best thing about this situation.

So sorry if I say some things I mean

Gwaine had messaged him after work asking him to meet him and the rest of the group at The Whip (& Fiddle) for a drink. When he got there he went straight to the bar and ordered a vodka and cola and a round of tequila for everyone. Putting the tray on the table as he slid in the booth he noticed a half drunk pint opposite him. He didn’t have a chance to question it before everyone grabbed their shot and toasted him.

He realised why they had tried to distract him a moment later when a recognisable head of blonde hair walked out of the mens room. Quickly grabbing Gwaine’s arm in a bruising grip without moving his eyes from Arthur he let out a breathy version of Gwaine’s name to get his attention.

“Ahh, I thought we’d have more time” Gwaine muttered as he tried to peal Merlin’s hand off of his arm.

“What do you mean more time? Did you plan this? Gwaine why would you do this? I need to go!” Merlin got higher pitched as the sentence went on, realising that he was going to see Arthur for the first time in three months if he didn’t leave and soon. He didn’t think his heart could handle speaking to Arthur again after so long, it was trying to beat out of his chest to try and save itself from what Arthur may say to him. He tried to get out of the booth to flee only to find Gwaine had grabbed a hold of his collar uttering a firm no.

Arthur slid into the booth, finally looking up from his phone only to find he was staring into Merlin’s eyes which were wide with shock. Looking away he searched his friends faces which showed no signs of the same shock meaning they had planned this. Grabbing his pint he downed it, before glaring at them and attempting to leave the booth. Much like Merlin had he found his collar being pulled back and then Percy’s hand landed on his shoulder to stop any further attempts at leaving.

Merlin stared at Arthur wide eyed trying to soak up the sight of him, the months between when he had seen him last only serving to dull the memories to try and protect his heart. He felt like this was a mirage and if he moved wrong it would disappear and leave him alone with his still mending heart. He stayed like that until he heard a snort come from Arthur.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” he heard in a scathing tone Arthur had never taken with him before.

“Well excuse me for staring at the person who told me he loved me in the morning and then walked out not to be seen or heard for in months! Arthur you didn’t even tell me you wanted to break up with me after almost a year of dating! You just left without a word! I’ve been driving myself mad trying to figure out what happened.” Merlin replied red creeping up his cheeks as he worked himself up.

That earned him another snort.

“Trying to figure it out? Come on Merlin, it couldn’t have been that hard to work out or did you not want to admit it? Where is your other boyfriend anyway?” Arthur’s tone turned mocking and scornful in turns.

The rest of the group looked at each other with confused looks on their faces and then to Arthur as if he had grown another head.

“Other boyfriend? What other boyfriend Arthur? I haven’t been with anyone other than you in the last year and a half! I haven’t so much as looked at another man like that since you started flirting with me!” Merlin was trying not to shout because he didn’t want the whole pub to hear their domestic.

“You don’t have to lie Merlin, I saw you with him that day! Why would I stay with you while you made a fool of me? Especially when it was right outside my work!” Arthurs voice had started to raise and was catching the attention of the other people in the pub.

Merlin’s eyebrows were furrowed as he tried to work out what Arthur was talking about, he hadn’t been near Arthur’s work had he? Merlin face went through a couple of different emotions as he realised what happen before settling on anger.

“You prat! You absolute idiot! You’re talking about me being outside the train station aren’t you? Where I had my legs around a guy?” He paused, waiting for Arthur to nod which he did with a smug look on his face. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME ARTHUR? YOU COULDN’T HAVE ASKED ME ABOUT IT?! I WAS MEETING WILL, YOU KNOW THE BEST FRIEND I HADN’T SEEN IN SIX MONTHS? FOR FUCK SAKE, YOU GHOSTED ME ON MY BIRTHDAY BECAUSE YOU SEEN ME RUN UP AND HUG MY BEST FRIEND WHO WANTED TO SURPRISE ME BY COMING TO THE PARTY?”

Merlin wasn’t sure how to feel after that revelation apart from the anger he had responded with which was slowly dying away into a hollow feeling. He had spent three months grieving their relationship and wondering why and it had all been because Arthur seen him hug Will and didn’t bother to ask? Shaking he stood up from the booth, flung the rest of his drink at Arthur and walked out without a word.

Arthur’s face fell as he realised what had happened, scrabbling out of the booth shouting for Merlin to wait. He was stopped when one of the men at the bar moved and put his hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving. He shook the short mans hand off with a glare only to find himself stopped once again. The second man who stopped him was the same height if not taller than Percy, with dark skin, a shaved head and a beard with a goatee. His arm when he moved it to stop Arthur looked to be the size of Arthurs thigh, his grip and gaze were both steady on him and when he spoke he had an American accent.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you, best case you catch up to him and he swings for you. Hell, with what he just shouted I think half this place wants to swing at you.” He paused to look over at the booth Arthur left where his friends were watching in interest but making no move to step in. “Your friends there don’t look like they would help you if that happened, they might even take a swing themselves. I think the best thing for you to do would be to go home and wait for him to contact you when and if he wants to.”

Reluctantly Arthur nodded, he turned back to the booth that held his friends and walked up to them. He didn’t know what to say to them so instead when he got to Gwaine he reached into Gwaine’s pocket grabbed an open packet of cigarettes. He put a twenty pound note on the table in front of Gwaine and walked out. He was half out the door when he heard Gwaine’s voice call out.

“That bastard! There was forty pounds worth in there! It was supposed to last me the weekend cos he’s not got more” This was quickly followed by a mix of groans and laughs.

“It’s fine Gwaine, I’ll text Robert and we can grab it on the way back to mine” Percy said before finishing his pint and standing up. “And yes Elyan we can order food to mine before  you ask.” He started to walk to the door the others following, he paused as he passed the man who had spoken to Arthur and clasped his shoulder. “Thanks mate, he needed to hear that from an outsider. You weren’t wrong when you said we might swing for him, it’s been a long couple of months trying to figure out what happened”

The man chucked before responding “It’s fine, sometimes it takes that for someone to realise what they’ve done wrong. I’m sure they’ll work it out eventually, I had a couple friends who had a misunderstanding like that.” At Percy’s raised eyebrows he continued “Not exactly like that but they got over it, they got married last year.”

“From your lips mate” Gwaine interrupted and took a hold of Percy’s hand continuing the journey out of the pub.

Fuck, come hold me

It took six weeks and a few times where they would try to call or meet up and Merlin would have to call it off as the same rage from the pub would appear before they were able to meet up without it ending in shouting or tears from one or both of them. Other times it would be Arthur who couldn’t go through with it, his emotions and guilt swirling into a hurricane as soon as he heard Merlin. Once they were able to talk without that they were able to talk about what had happened and Arthur was able to talk about his insecurities and how they had fed into the problem.

Arthur had been hiding his insecurities and anxieties from Merlin, thinking he could handle them himself and they would go away. While Uther had come to respect their relationship and Merlin the cutting comments had already taken seed. Uther had made it clear when Arthur told him that he had started to date Merlin that he thought Arthur was experimenting and that the relationship wouldn’t last. This along with comments from one of the new employees at work had Arthur convinced that Merlin wouldn’t want to be with him for much longer. They thought because Merlin was gay and Arthur was bi that they wouldn’t work out because Merlin wouldn’t stay with someone who “couldn’t commit to a sexuality”.

By the time Merlin’s birthday happened Arthur was torn between trying to savour any moments he had with Merlin and being afraid it would end at any moment. When Cenred had pointed out that Merlin had his legs around another man he was convinced that their relationship was doomed.  He spoke to Merlin about it, who wanted him to speak to a professional about it. Once he spoke to a therapist about it he also told his work who didn’t realise the comments that Cenred had been making.

Merlin and Arthur weren’t back together and things weren’t perfect but it was a start and Arthur was happy to start the journey again with Merlin by his side.

[missnight0wl]

Overflow

Summary: Helena sneaks out from the Hospital Wing. She’s followed by Charlie.

A rewrite of the events happening directly after the Portrait Vault. Because MC deserved to have a breakdown right then. Also, it somehow took me almost a year to finish it, and I was close to abandoning it entirely, but here we are.

Words: 2140

June 1989

The lights in the Great Hall never before seemed to be so bright. It was hard to adjust to them after the darkness of the Buried Vault. Helena managed to lift the upper part of her body, and she looked around to check on her companions. Bill was kneeling next to Charlie and holding his arms to support him, Ben was sitting a little further with his hand pressed to his mouth, and in the middle was…

“Merula!” Helena exclaimed in a strangled voice. Without getting up, she got closer to the girl who was lying motionless on the floor with her eyes half-open. The Ravenclaw realised then that there were other students around, clearly alarmed by the whole situation. “Give her some space!” she ordered, reaching her arm as if she was trying to build an invisible barrier. “Someone call help!”

She peeked at Merula and again at the small crowd of people drawing back when she noticed Diego among them. She called his name and tried to stand up, but she tripped. She would fall if not for the Hufflepuff’s quick reaction. She still felt dizzy after travelling by the Portkey.

“Helena, what happened?” Diego asked with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. But Merula is not. Could you… could you look after her? You’re friends with her, right? And I can’t… I can’t now…”

“Calm down,” he said softly. “What happened with Merula?”

“She was tortured.” Diego’s expression became even more worried. “But maybe don’t mention that. Just… just try to distract her… Until we get help…”

Right after she said it, the door to the Great Hall opened and Dumbledore came in, Snape following right behind him. How did they get here so fast? They quickly reach to them and started asking about the events of recent hours. At some point, Madam Pomfrey showed up as well. Helena had problems to focus, but somehow, she was answering all the questions, almost automatically as in some kind of trance. The Portkey, the Vault, the dragon. Rakepick, the Cruciatus Curse, the Garrotting Gas…

“I’ll find her. She won’t get away with this.”

It was Professor Snape, looking very determined to keep his promise. Everyone wanted to find Rakepick… Of course, it’s understandable. Yet, why nobody had shown such concern when Jacob went missing? Does one have to commit an act as horrible as this to get attention? Jacob did bad things, too. He put the whole school in danger because of his Cursed Vaults obsession. At least that’s what people say... Did Snape also try to bring him to justice? If so, he obviously failed. And in that case, how can he even hope to find Rakepick now?

Helena heard fewer and fewer words exchanged by people next to her. She was looking at her friends, some students she could barely recognise after seeing them occasionally in the corridors. Finally, she spotted Rowan, her eyes glistening. She knew. Rowan always knew. She didn’t need to hear the story to tell that something bad had happened. Helena got past her professors, not being entirely sure if they’re talking to her or Merula, and walked down the platform. Rowan was next to her in a moment, embracing her tightly. They didn’t speak, they were just standing there. It felt like the only good thing left in Helena’s life so she didn’t want to let it go.

“That’s enough! You know the most important thing!” Madam Pomfrey’s voice sounded over conversations. “I’m taking them to the Hospital Wing. All of them,” the matron added firmly.

“We’re gonna talk later, okay?” Helena said to Rowan, releasing her from the hug. Her friend only nodded, wiping her cheek with the sleeve.

She didn’t remember exactly how they got transported from the Great Hall. Suddenly, she was sitting on a bed in the Hospital Wing when Madam Pomfrey approached her, moving a folding screen.

“Miss Ellis, I told you to change your clothes.”

The girl looked down at her outfit. Rakepick’s outfit. Well, not exactly, of course. It all started when she was with Rowan at some second-hand shop. She found then a waistcoat made of fabric similar to the one the Curse-Breaker usually wore. Brown shirt and trousers were much easier to get. With the addition of black cloak and some belts, the costume was completed. It wasn’t a perfect copy, but the resemblance was quite obvious. At the time, she thought it’d be funny, and maybe this kind of mockery would annoy Rakepick. And even though the latter goal wasn’t achieved – rather on the contrary – Helena grew to like this silly outfit. It was comfortable.

“Who’s that girl?” she asked, looking at a tall blonde bustling behind Madam Pomfrey.

“It’s Donna, a seventh-year Hufflepuff. She’s starting practice at St Mungo’s in Autumn. I reckoned she might be needed.”

The matron was just checking on her wrist. She was touching it gently, but only now Helena realised how much it hurt.

“I’m fine, Madam Pomfrey, it’s just a wrist,” she said instead. “I think Charlie has broken ribs, and Ben was wounded in the head pretty badly--”

“And how about you let me do my job, hm?”

“I just want to help…”

“You fought a dragon, dear,” Madam Pomfrey remarked softly. “Did you consider you might need help yourself?”

Helena looked at her blankly. “Not really, no.”

She barely spoke for the rest of her examination. Eventually, she was told to lay down. When she turned on the right side, she was facing an empty room. She wished to be left alone, so it was the best alternative for cutting herself off. All the noises became incredibly annoying. The Weasley brothers must’ve tried to come to her bed because Helena heard Madam Pomfrey yelling at them. She heard Merula arguing. She didn’t hear Ben, though. Finally, she got a potion that was supposed to help her sleep.

When she woke up, it was dark and silent. Perhaps it was later the same night, maybe it was the next one already. She knew one thing for sure – she was suffocating. It was that feeling of panic that disrupted her rest. She needed to leave the room immediately. She found her wand on the side table, but she didn’t want to draw attention by lightening it up right away, so she got up and blindly moved to the exit, trying very hard to not stumble.

“Lumos!” she mumbled under her breath when the door closed behind her.

The rest of the castle was just as quiet and calm as the Hospital Wing. Helena was pacing through the corridors, feeling her breath becoming more and more steady the further she got. She was nearing the stairs leading to the ground floor when she heard footsteps which weren’t her own. Her heart started beating faster again. The confrontation with Filch or one of the teachers was the last thing she needed at the moment. She extinguished the light at the end of her wand and hid behind the nearest statue. The steps were getting closer to her, so she instinctively pressed her lips in the hope it’d help her stay quiet.

“Nell?” she heard a whisper.

The redhead suddenly appeared in her view, and they both jumped when their eyes met.

“Charlie!” she hissed at him. “You scared me to death!”

“I scared you?” he raised his eyebrows. “I’m not the one hiding in the dark!”

“I thought you’re a teacher! What are you even doing here?”

“What are you doing here?”

“I just wanted to get some air. And don’t try to distract me,” she looked at him sternly. “You should be lying in bed.”

Charlie’s face got gentler. “So do you.”

“I’m fine, I could go back to my dormitory,” she replied, crossing her arms on the chest.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m fine, Charlie,” she said more firmly. “I wasn’t trapped under rubble, I wasn’t tortured--”

“Nell, you fought a dragon,” he cut in. “You got hurt. Don’t say--”

“I know I fought a fucking dragon!” she snapped. “Can people stop reminding me about that?” She stared at him coldly, but Charlie remained calm which only made her feel worse. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell,” she said and hid her face. “I… I just really need to get out of here.”

Charlie hesitated before reaching his hand towards her. “Well, can I go with you?” Helena only nodded and grabbed his palm without a word.

They didn’t speak on their way outside. The night was warm and the air fresh. They both were barefoot, but it was actually pleasant to step on the grass. They were still quiet by the time they reached the Black Lake.

“Y’know, it’s just weird…” Helena started out of nowhere. Not because the silence felt awkward or Charlie seemed to be pressing on her. It was growing in her, and she simply had to let it go. “I imagined the reunion with Jacob so many times, and I thought it’d be the most important day of my life. That I’d be so happy, or even sad, depending on the situation, or angry.” She stopped so abruptly that her hand slipped out of Charlie’s. “But I felt nothing.”

He turned to her and watched her for a moment, wondering what to say. “D’you want to talk about what happened before Bill and I came?”

It wasn’t the first time he gave her that look that night. He knew that it wasn’t just an awkward reunion, that something had happened. Bill knew as well. Helena hoped that he didn’t blame himself for hurrying to free Jacob. That there are no reasons to regret it, to begin with. She took a deep breath.

“Well…” she started slowly. “When I entered the inner chamber, Jacob was there, in the portrait…” She swallowed hard, remembering the picture. “He was happy to see me, and I was happy too. And I was about to touch that damn column when he said: ‘You can trust me’…”

Charlie frowned. “Well, yeah. He’s your brother. Why wouldn’t you trust him?”

“Exactly! That’s what I thought! So, I asked him why would he say that. I mean, I’ve spent five bloody years searching for him, following his stupid clues which were more confusing than helpful at times… How could he think that I wouldn’t trust him after that? I fought a dragon for him, and he didn’t even ask about that! Anyway…” She lowered her voice again and bit her lip. “He started explaining himself, and then you came. That’s pretty much it. I don’t know, Charlie… It just doesn’t make any sense. None of it makes sense. And I just… I just want to scream because of that.”

“So scream.”

“What?”

Charlie shrugged. “I mean, I sometimes want to scream from frustration, too. Maybe it’s healthy to let it out. And who’s gonna stop you now?” He touched her arm reassuringly and smiled gently. “I can join you if it’ll make you more comfortable.”

And then, he inhaled deeply and screamed at the top of his lungs. The sound spread over the water, but they were far enough from the castle that it shouldn’t have disturbed anyone. Helena dithered for a moment, but she quickly joined him – a bit shy at first, but with time passing, she felt like a gigantic weight was getting off her whole body. When they both stopped, she chuckled briefly, simply because of how silly the whole situation was: two teenagers in hospital pyjamas, in the middle of the night, yelling at the Black Lake.

The second scream Helena started on her own. However, this time, it brought relief only for a while. Suddenly, everything that had happened in the Vault came back to her. All images, all words, still so fresh in her memory. And that cold look which never before was that cold... Her shout gradually became a cry, and before she knew, tears were falling down her face. Charlie had to realise it before her because in the very next moment, he was holding her in a tight embrace, speaking softly.

“It’s okay, I’m here.”

She wanted to calm down, but the more she tried, the more painful it was. Just hours ago, she had almost everything. Most importantly, she had hope. Now, it all was taken from her – and she didn’t really understand how it could’ve gone so wrong.

She buried her face in Charlie’s chest and clutched his shirt. “Why she left me?” she sobbed.

He said nothing. Partially because he didn’t have an answer for that, but also because he wasn’t expecting that it’s the question on her mind. And since Helena couldn’t see his surprised expression, she was unaware how much she exposed herself when her walls had broken once more.

[egle0702]

[TRANS] GQ June ‘20 - Wooyoung Interview

2PM Jang Wooyoung: “I lived hard like crazy”

2020.05.21 INTERVIEW

Wooyoung has blazed through life, but he also knows how to be quiet. That’s why he’s smart and strong. Like steel that has been repeatedly heated and cooled down.

You’re attentively monitoring during the shooting, has anything changed since you’ve been discharged from the military? My face hasn’t changed or anything like that. Rather than that, I’m just amazed. I had no idea I would be shooting a pictorial so soon after the discharge.

I suppose there must’ve been so many things you wanted to do. Every time I had some time off in the army, my head felt overwhelming. What should I do next? How should I live? All sorts of thoughts flooded in. In order to not have that time wasted, I transferred those thoughts and worries into written words. At first, there was a lot of embarrassing content, even for me. But it got better after a while. Aside from my future plans, I also looked back on my interpersonal relationships and my way of life. I thought whether I have lived well, whether I haven’t made mistakes when dealing with others.

I can feel your determination. In the army, there are a lot of kids who are younger than me. If I ask them about their worries, they would usually say: “You’ve already achieved everything, you don’t know how we feel.” We might come from a different starting point, but the fear of a beginning is the same. I’m more afraid compared to when I was 17 or 20 and just honestly ran towards my dreams.

You’re 32 now. In your opinion, what privilege does this age give you? Disregarding how you’ve spent your 10s and 20s, I think it gives you the chance to be kinder. You could say that you become mature. You become a better and stronger person when you look back at your past mistakes and experiences. If you add a drop of that 20s spirit into the mix, it’d be even better.

What was Jang Wooyoung like in his 20s? I was busy filling myself up, and then pouring everything out the moment I was full.

You’ve lived hard; after all, your work requires you to keep on showing something to the public. Generally speaking, I could divide my 20s into “before” and “after” by placing the mark on when I was 25. Right after the debut, I really lived and worked hard. Back then, there was a saying “killer schedule,” and the saying wasn’t a lie. I worked hard and was extremely busy, but I’m thankful for it. When else you’d be able to live like that. Compared to my efforts, the popularity achieved was great, I also made money. But once I turned 25; shall I call it adolescence? It was a mess. I wasn’t present in my life. I considered dropping everything and going back to my hometown in Busan.

But that didn’t happen. There’s only one thing that proves my existence; and that was the reason I pulled myself together. “I’m a member of 2PM, I cannot betray 2PM.” From that moment on, the meaning of “let’s live hard” changed. Making sure that I wouldn’t cause harm to others, I had fun, met a lot of people, and decided to learn a lot of things including drawing. Through feeling and experiencing as much as possible, I wanted to awaken the senses within me. I lived hard like crazy.

You expressed those feelings in the song “I like” that’s included in your 2nd solo album, right? 2PM, drawing, piano; you talk about the things you like, and then you say “I’m curious about everything in this world, I want to know, I scoot off.” True. I feel strongly about that song, but every time I listen to it, I can’t help but snort. I wonder whether I really should’ve been that honest with my lyrics. On the other hand, I wonder how hard it must’ve been. I feel sorry for Jang Wooyoung from that time.

What are you curious about these days? Laundry know-how. Haha.

I heard you say you’re into laundry in the video interview just now, too. I’m nurturing my daily life skills. I want to try and deal with things like laundry and cooking on my own, without any help.

Aren’t you curious why 2PM’s “My House” that was released 5 years ago is suddenly riding a new wave of popularity? It’s definitely something we’re thankful for. I think about it this way. 2PM as group never did anything by force. At first, we showed high level performances that could be practically carried out by young men in their early 20s. We danced, sang, and did acrobatic performances. Brimming with energy, we sang straightforward love songs. After that, we toned down on that power a bit. We began telling sad love stories with our eyes in love, and then we arrived at “My House.” Like a natural process of a brat growing into a mature and charismatic lover. I saw a comment that said “I’m sorry, I’ve become your fan just now,” but I’m actually thankful because it feels like these people have recognized the things 2PM have done in our natural flow.

It’s your 13th year since your debut. How does it feel when you hear that someone has just found out about 2PM? It’s only natural that someone doesn’t know us. The general flow of the trend changes really fast. The competition is also fierce, so you need put a lot of effort if you want to appeal to the masses. But then suddenly, we’re back into the spotlight through “My House.” In the middle of a hiatus no less. I think it’s a miracle.

Aside from “My House,” what other song comes to mind if you had to perform it again? I want to try and pour my entire soul into performing “Without U” that was released 10 years ago. I was responsible for the part where I had to make my singing feel like crying out loud, but back in the days I was the only one to lip sync because the situation with my voice go so bad, I even had vocal cord nodules. I’m still very disappointed I couldn’t perform it live.

2PM has reached the top, your skills were also acknowledged. How do you see yourself in the context of Korean music scene? Hmm, I can’t think of anything else than “Korean idols.” Our activities haven’t always been smooth, but I’m proud of it.

I heard that the meaning of your group’s name is the “hottest time of the day.” When was Jang Wooyoung the hottest? There was a concert in Germany in 2013, commemorating the 130th anniversary of the establishment of diplomatic relations between Korea and Germany. We performed together with senior Lee Mija. I was shocked when I saw her rehearsal. It’s already amazing that she’s still actively performing, but I could feel that she’s constantly striving to sing well. At that, I couldn’t help but freeze and promise myself “Jang Wooyoung, pull yourself together, and work hard.”

You’re the type who learns everything first-hand by experiencing it, right? I heard that you sought out senior Choi Baekho after watching his documentary to share your worries about music, even though you’ve never met him before. That was when I was going through that “adolescence” in my 20s. I felt consoled after watching senior Choi Baeho’s documentary, but there were still things I was frustrated about. So, I contacted him because I wanted to know how he managed to endure everything through his long years in the music scene. Here’s what he said during our first meeting: “My songs will keep on getting better with age. Just like the songs I sang in my 40s were more beautiful than the ones I did in my 30s, I’m heading towards being complete.” When I heard that, I felt like someone slapped me.

I think you can already give advice to someone who’s having similar worries. Have you ever experienced that? I have younger friends in Busan. We danced and dreamed of debuting together. It might sound selfish, but ever since my debut, I’ve never told them anything positive or hopeful about this line of work. When I passed the JYP audition, there was one young friend who cried together with me. Even to that friend, I said: “Can’t you please give up? I wish you didn’t suffer as much as me.” Back then it was really hard mentally and physically. Now my thoughts have changed. If you’re desperate and you’re confident that you will enjoy this constant fight with yourself, I would tell them to go for it. But I would like to tell them to come up with a wise approach to this because it’s easy to get tired and give up along the way.

You’re famous for having focused only JYP auditions. Do you still remember when you placed 1st at the 1st open audition? That must’ve been my 6th attempt to audition. Had I failed back then, I would’ve tried again. I sometimes watch the videos from that time, and I both like it and feel regret. Because the me on the screen looks somewhat tired. If I had allowed myself a little bit more freedom, stepped back and looked at the reality, I would’ve been a lot stronger kid.

What do you think you’ve done really well in life? That I’ve never calculated or analysed anything rationally in my relationships. I liked the other person without knowing anything about the world, and I suffered a lot when the relationship ended. I have my regrets, and I’ve also heard that it’s not a good way to approach a relationship, but someone like me just couldn’t help it. That experience made me into what I am today. I don’t regret it.

How important is love in life? If a person is of no. 1 importance, then love is no. 0. It’s a vague concept, I don’t even know if I can express love properly, but I can feel love through people.

It’s your birthday in 3 days, what would you imagine as a perfect gift? When I was serving, our company moved to a new building. The building is big, and the facilities got better. The practice rooms are also great. I wish I had my own personal space there, could be small too, where I could practice dancing all day long without bothering about others. For real.

So, shall we make an appeal? In your opinion, how much did 2PM contribute to JYP’s new company building? A lot, I think. It’s a 9-storey building, so I’d say around 4.5 floors?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

CREDITS

·   Feature editor: Kim Youngjae

·   Photographer: Go Wontae

·   Hair: Yang Hyungshim at Yangyangsalon

·   Makeup: Kim Doyeon at Yangyangsalon

·   Editor: Heoram

 Source: GQ WEBSITE

Kor-Eng: Egle0702

[bokuranofandom]

Bokura no Kiseki - chapter 97 quick summary

Date of release: 28th March 2020

Translation is yet to be done.

So this is probably the last chapter of volume 22... and oh boy, it still continue to amaze me. Now we caught up with English scans, it’s only chapter that is not yet available, te-he. We’re still on 6th June, Thursday, continuing Nishina’s interrogation and the magic test of the rest of the class members.

(well, spoilers ahead!)

Part 1: Minami and Nishina secret talk

So last chapter Nishina approached Minami and appealed to his inner Veronica to wiggle out of trouble. It’s still heavy raining, so the others don’t hear what they say, even if they are standing pretty close. Takao warned Nishina not to come closer, so she stands between them. Nishina just dismiss her saying that it’s not her place to act here, acting on her loyalty toward her master. He’s mocking her. Minami also feels provoked by that, and responds they don’t lack actors, so he sees no need to back him up... Nishina knows Minami’s weakness and goes straight ahead to exploit it. He informs Minami, whispering into his ear, that what he said back then, when Minami named himself Eugene, was the truth. The part about betrayers on Zerestria’s side... among servants. A spy working for an unknown party, pretending to work for the Church, but actually not Church’s pawn... and Nishina really doesn’t want to reveal his identity to this person. So he asks Minami to carry the rest of magic test, because there should be a person among servants who can use magic... and it will work for both of their advantage.

Part 2: Let’s continue the magic trial

Hasebe is calling out to them, having enough of standing in the rain, in suspension, watching them secretly talking. She asks Nishina to reveal his name, but Nishina just refuses and... calls upon Glen Schreiber (and Schreiber, not Alphard). Hiroki is surprised and not happy, because she wanted to announce at this meeting, that Glen is here, but she decided not to, because Glen’s reason for staying in the shadows is the same as Nishina’s and it would work out in his favor... but Nishina gives her no choice. So yes, she admits that Glen is here. And of course Nishina asks her then why he won’t come out... there’s no answer, but Nishina doesn’t care, as he uses it to explain it to the rest of class, that as they can see, there are few others who might not want to reveal their identities because they have their reasons, while adding cunningly, that he is actually jealous of those, who can come out in the open with no worries. It spurs Hasebe and others to prove their innocence, and Ootomo is continuing the trial. No one among servants can use magic... Minami thinks to himself that it lower the chances, but they can’t rule it out completely yet too. And here comes last person to check: Zeze. Ootomo is anxious because this magic test checks also some magic that prince Eugene could use... Minami also panics a little, hoping Zeze is not planing to do anything weird... in the end, Zeze could not use any magic. Does it mean the trial can be... cheated? The school bell rings for the end of break, so they head back to the classroom.

Part 3: On way to the classroom

Right before leaving the scene, of course Nishina must provoke Ootomo, mocking him that his mission is still protecting and overlooking over believers. Then we see Abe (silent and hesitant about learning that Watanabe is Ashley) and Nanaura... still in shock. He now clearly remembers stabbing Ashley... and regret it, of course. He can’t face (smiling at him) Watanabe, but at least he admits he feels reassured that Ashley is also there. Hiroki tries to put a little more show with Nanaura, yelling at him to reveal who Nishina is (in front of Nishina, of course). Nanaura thinks there’s still a danger that revealing Nishina’s identity will result in death, but he’s also aware that it’s not only a matter of time until that happens so... right before the class, Minami informs Nishina he’s going to discuss what he told him with a handful of aides. Nishina doesn’t seem to mind that.

Part 4: Minami and company

Minami talks about what Nishina told him with others: Ootomo, Teshimano, Moto (since when Moto is part of his group?), Hiroki and Takao. They of course suspect, that it might’ve been only garbage so Nishina could focus their attention elsewhere, just not on him. Takao seems puzzled... Nishina seemed frantic when he sought the princess’s help, but she can’t tell if this was only an act either. But as they wanted to check everyone anyway, so they decided to just go on with their plan... there’s Kikuchi and Enomoto left to check. And then, Moto remembers... Calvin’s death. He remembers hearing roars of invading Moswick forces. And being assaulted with magic by someone. Someone in servant robe, with Zerestria’s earring. He was shocked and hesitated for a split second and... that cost him his very life. That servant killed him with magic, while blowing an enormous hole in the castle wall. That’s how Calvin died and now Moto can prove Nishina’s words... there was a spy among servants.

Part 5: Nishina under attack

Late in the evening, Nishina is on his way back, when he’s suddenly attacked with magic. And it’s... Zeze. He throws back his hoodie and show his face. And Nishina looks like he want to flee, so Zeze is firing some magic again, aiming for his leg. He grabs him by his t-shirt and nonchalantly says he got tired of waiting this tedious farce. He mocks Nishina, that of course if he asks Minami for help, he won’t say no. He’s not wanting to give up on learning Nishina’s true identity. Nishina’s not backing of yet, so Zeze plays with him... so who am I, what do you think? Prince? Glen? Or servant spy? Then he gives him a clue, and quotes Lucas yelling at Carlo for not helping him out (oh so Eugene WAS there).  Zeze mocks him for toying too much with Ootomo-sensei for that lol. After that, he asks Nishina if he’s Lucas... he admits. At last page, Nishina realizes, that Zeze must’ve been there too, of course. And Zeze is putting “innocent” face and playing it off like... oops, seems like I gave out my identity too. With that kind of face.

The end of chapter.

This chapter was sponsored by hot badass Zeze. I was totally surprised he decided to act all on his own (I doubt he told about this to anyone, honestly). And he didn’t have to mock Nishina or push him so much... but he finds Lucas (and Nishina too) extremely irritating so he couldn’t help it. And he put himself in superior position for sure. A little payback for pushing Zeze around, when he was an innocent boy, and for almost killing his best buddy. Well, he deserved that and it’s hell satisfying to see that haha.

So Nishina talked out his way... and our attention switched to even greater enemy, I guess? There was no way Lucas was “just a bad guy”, and I totally can tell that Kumeta-sensei is doing perfect job into making him gray. He’s not innocent... but he done everything that was necessary to carry out his own mission huh. And now it seems that even Lucas was afraid of someone... 

Just who could be this spy? Judging from what we saw, maybe Cordelia (Enomoto’s past). The one who attacked Calvin looked like a girl. We know not much about Cordelia, aside from that she died before the activation of the pillar of light (Bella and Mimi saw her dead body). My guess is she was Evan’s spy, because she knew precisely when Moswick army attack took place, she was already on her way to find Ishmael’s spy and eliminate him. Or who knows, maybe Aldras’ spy? Or maybe there was more spies... Kikuchi is definitely VERY suspicious too. And that spy... who could it be, occupation-wise? A priest? A noble? That magic was powerful enough to smash experienced, strong knight as Calvin, and make a hole in the wall.

Remember how Ooki was messaging with Enomoto chapter ago? She promised she will tell her in anything happens... Now Ooki feels betrayed by a guy she likes. She’s conflicted and sad, so she will surely quickly tell everything to Enomoto. And if Enomoto is a spy, it’s exactly what Nishina didn’t want. So ultimately, Ooki will bring... a huge distaster on the guy she likes.  Who knows, maybe this time it will be Nishina who will be hunted, and Ootomo will decide to save him this time?

We also see that Zeze was fine on magic test. How? But given his example, we can be almost sure, one can cheat at that test, so it’s not reliable at all.

Why in the first place Zeze decided to approach Nishina? Without a doubt, after today, Zeze was sure he is Lucas. And two chapter ago, they had that conversation they NEED to remember about parts their forget... and only bishop Gale or Lucas knew them. Bishop is not possible, but hey, Lucas is there. And as Eugene, he probably remembers he wasn’t of much a threat to him, so he decided to approach him. After all, for long time, Lucas mission was to guard him, and it was Eugene who betrayed him. I hope we will hear their conversation in next chapter! 

Oh boy, one long-standing question is answered -- but many others still pop up. I love this manga.

[sestra-inestro]

Bury A Friend

Notes: Something I’ve been thinking about for a while, also heavily inspired by Billie Eilish’s song ‘bury a friend’. It takes place after Infinity War when Tony reunites with the Avengers and the flashbacks take place just after Civil War. Not even a prediction of anything just a thing.

Summary: Tony is finally reunited with his team, but they all think you were a victim of the snap. Tony knows how you really died, because he was there.

Warnings: Death, angst, cancer, violence.

Tony slowly makes his way into the common room. The once lively room that held the humming of multiple people now a dull colour with a deafening silence. Glancing around the floor, he saw the familiar black outline of a stain that branded the floor just 8 months before he went to space.

The memories of that day will forever haunt him. He remembers the way your body contorted itself, like a demon taking possession of an innocent person. The bad times always had to outweigh the good times of those last few months of your life. A year ago now.

A picture rested on one of the coffee tables next to the lounges. A picture of you, Tony and Pepper that had been placed there by Rhodey. A friendly reminder of your warm smile. Tony dragged his feet towards the photo and he studied it.

Steve slowly entered the room, watching Tony from behind. Natasha and Clint followed quietly as they watched the tired man adjust to their home again. Nat glared at the faint stain on the floor, Rhodey wouldn’t tell any of them what happened but they tried their best to clean it up off the floor, but what ever liquid was spilt had tainted the tiles. It left her to wonder how long it had been there before they decided to clean what ever it was up.

Steve could see that he mourned for you. No one had seen you in a long time and the team simply thought you vanished after the snap. Because you hadn’t been at the compound when they left for Wakanda.

“We searched for her, tried to contact her. But she must’ve been one of the victims.” Steve spoke up.

Tony’s body tensed as Steve came up with that conclusion.

He screwed his eyes shut and clenched the picture frame.

“No.” Tony muttered.

Steve frowned. “No?”

“She wasn’t a snap victim.” Tony confirmed. “She died a couple of months before Thanos’ thugs came to earth.”

The team froze. You were one of them. A member. A friend. They all frowned at the news Tony had just pushed onto them.

Tony placed the picture back down on the table and turned to face them. He saw the shocked looks on their faces. The confusion settling in with betrayal because he didn’t tell them.

Pepper and Rhodey were standing at the door, watching as he still tried to make sense of what happened so long ago. They had been there for it, witnessed the horror that caused one of the most cherished people in their lives to suffer.

“How?” Steve grunted out. He regretted not ever contacting you after the whole Civil War fiasco. You were on fighting against him after all.

Tony shook his head before he looked down, he couldn’t bear to look Steve in the eye. “She had cancer. After everything settled down again, she started to become a lot weaker. She couldn’t walk properly, dragging herself around and feeling dizzy all the time.” Tony says as he remembers your body slowly breaking down. “I finally gave her a scan and it showed a tumour, the size of a golf ball, sitting right in the middle of her brain.” Tony gestured to the top of his head. He finally looked up to see Steve’s face had changed to one of pity. “She refused the chemo. We tried Tomotherapy and Radiation but nothing was working. It just made her sick. Her body was dying while she was still in it.”

Nat’s eyes were now filled with tears and Clint hung his head low. Pepper and Rhodey has moved into the room and remembered everything.

“One day, I was in the lab. And I could hear her screaming. I ran up here and she was on the floor. Black gunk spewing from her mouth.”

Tony ran to the door to see you doubled over on the floor. Black bile coming from your mouth forming a puddle at your knees. Your eyes were squeezed shut as your body convulsed in pain. Tony ran to you in a panic, grasping your arms and trying to still you as the black liquid left your body. You coughed up the last bits and spat onto the floor.

With your chest heaving, you slowly looked up at Tony. Your forehead was sweaty and your eyes were tired.

“Tony.” You muttered, black dripping down your chin.

Tony shushed you and pulled you to his chest. “It’s alright.”

“It’s gone.” You said, muffled into his chest.

Tony frowned and pulled you back. “What is?”

“The cancer.”

Tony froze in horror as he looked down at the black substance that had just left your mouth. It had splattered across the title of the floor and some onto him. You were covered in it. “It got rid of it.”

“What did?” Tony asked quickly.

“It was in my head first. I tried to talk to FRIDAY but she’s down.” You said, your eyes starting to widen. “It said it would help me.”

“Who June?! Tell me what’s happening!” Tony started to become frantic.

Pepper came rushing into the room and gasped at the sight.

You started the breathe heavily again. Your hands grasped at Tony’s arms.

“Tony, it hurts.” You cried.

“It’s going to be fine, June. We’ll get you some help.”

“No!” You pushed Tony back. He fell onto his back and moved away from you slightly, your strength had come back. “It’s already helping me!” You held the sides of you head.

“No it’s not, June.” Tony stood up.

Pepper drew closer to Tony. Rhodey heard all the commotion and had slowly made his way to the room.

“Tony!” You cried out to him. “My arms are frozen.” You were breathing heavily.

Tony rushed forward again and Pepper to get the phone. Tony held your face in his hands. “My eyes.” You breathed out. “They won’t close.”

Tony watched as your eyes filled with tears.

“I owe them.” You mumbled to him, your body still shaking.

“No you don’t. Fight it!” Tony shouted at you.

“I can’t say no.”

What ever was happening to you was happening quickly. Tony thought you were starting to seize but your body quickly stilled again and your eyes covered over with black as your pupil expanded over the rest of your eyes in a flash. Complete black.

“We still don’t know what it was that did it to her, but it got rid of her tumour.” Tony crises his arms and huddled into himself. “She threw it all up.”

Nat glances at the black stain on the floor again. It had been what was killing you.

“But it took over her mind.” Tony continued. “Getting the cancer out of her was what let whatever it was in. She wasn’t herself, it was controlling her.”

Tony swallowed as he remembered. “She attacked Pepper. Ran right pass me, ripped the phone out of her hand and stabbed her.”

Pepper closed her eyes, squeezing them shut and shook her head if the bad memory.

Steve stiffened as Tony told him what happened. You loved Pepper, you never would’ve hurt her.

“She tried to attack me but by then FRIDAY had come back online. Rhodey got into his suit and we were able to hold her down.” Tony closed his eyes again, seeing how he had to force you to the floor, eyes black and screaming at them.

“She was screaming at me to help her, she could still control her voice. She told me how much pain it was causing and that it was making too much noise in her head. FRIDAY shocked her and knocked her out.” Tony shook his head. “Somehow while she was out, she managed to get rid of the voice. But when she got rid of it, the cancer came back.”

Nat let out a huff as she tried to contain her emotions. Clint placed a hand on her back and rubbed.

“She said she’d rather die than hurt anyone she loved.” Tony breathed out. His eyes were now teary. “She managed to push out a few extra months after that. She was careful with herself. But she felt guilty with what happened with Pepper.”

Tony shifted in his spot. Taking in a deep breathe he remembered the today you passed on.

“Sir, I would advise you to check on Ms June in her room.” FRIDAY’s voice spoke.

Tony and Pepper’s head snapped up to look at each other. They were seated at the table in the dining room, everything was quiet and it was dark outside.

They both quickly stood from their chairs and raced upstairs to your room. When they reached your door, Tony could hear your heavy breathing and quiet moaning. He frowned before slowly opening your door, you were in your bed, on your back, head moving around and your legs kicking about.

“June.” Tony said lowly.

“Tony?” Your head moved in his direction.

“What’s going on?” Tony moved to sit on the side of your bed and brushed his hand across your forehead. You had grown a fever and gone sweaty.

“My head hurts.” You blinked a couple of times and moaned as you moved your head. “I can’t see properly.”

Tony sighed and slowly lifted you into his arms. He knew what was coming.

“Shh.” He cooed and rested his chin on your head. “You’re going to be alright.”

His eyes started to fill with tears.

“She died,” Tony lifted his arms and remembered holding you. “...right here.”

Tony’s tears pushed pass his eyes and down his cheeks.

Steve hung his head and sniffed. He didn’t get to see one of his good friends before they passed. Nat let out a sob. Clint was now crying and Bruce and Thor had now entered the room. He sighed before opening his mouth.

“Did you have a funeral?” Steve’s voice came out gruff.

Tony shook his head, which made Steve frown.

“The last thing she wanted to do was see you guys one more time.” This made Nat cry more. You were her friend, for a time it was just you and her, the only girls on the team. They fought on the same team during the Accords but she vanished before she could say goodbye to you.

“We tried the contact but, it wouldn’t work.” Rhodey stepped in. “We didn’t have a funeral because we wanted you guys to be there for it. We kept her in the lab.”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “As bad as that sounds. We wanted you guys to see her one more time. We also kept her preserved because she wanted to be cremated.” Tony smiled to herself. “She never wanted to look like a zombie she said.”

Nat smiled at this. She remembered you saying once you got old you’d get a ‘complete body renovation’, never wanted to be old and wrinkly.

“Is that what that big capsule is in the lab?” Bruce asked. Tony nodded.

“I want to see her.” Nat stepped forward.

Tony watched her with sad eyes. “Let’s go see June.”