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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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chile i'm so glad i came across your blog, the amount of "i'm not going to assume they're dating" or "we can only draw certain conclusions but i can't say for sure" "we don't know their sexuality, BUT" type blogs i follow is getting kinda wack lmao. while i appreciate their perspective and nuanced takes i need to strike a balance. like let's get a lil delulu every once in a while. 💀

lol the im-not-a-shipper-but-call-jikook-boyfriends-every-other-post blogs are the funniest to me. the shipping hierarchy, so to speak is so weird. maybe just because im not a "shipping real people is bad" person i don't see the big deal. gonna get called delulu anyway, might as well go full out. they is gay/queer and they're fucking. i'm so sorry.

*also can we touch on the fact that shipping in this type of fandom (kpop) is kind of inevitable and unavoidable??! these boys are the other people we see them with day in and day out, interacting with each other and no one else. i feel like it's natural to ship when there's no other people around to break up everything, idk maybe someone can articulate this better than me. and people who are made to feel stupid for thinking that 2 members could actually be dating is so dumb. like is it really out of the realm of possibility that two people (jikook, cause all them other ships are....😬) who spent almost every waking minute together for like 8 years could fall in love. really?

/rant

It's the delulu hat for me

Lmho.

I guess for me being queer, I feel it's gaslighting for these people to be saying things like that. As silly as it is, it inadvertently deny and invalidate the existence and queerness of gay individuals and so I struggle with it.

This is the consequences of straight people in gay people business. They like defining gay parameters for us and it's like who asked you?? I feel people who say things like that are just plain ignorant or tone deaf or willfully homophobic.

I don't think everyone in BTS is gay but it makes me feel safe to see half the community assume them to be and celebrate them in that way. They are not cussing at them and threatening to leave the fandom or cancel them for this assumption and that is huge inspiration to me.

Those parts of the fandom are a safe space to be in as a queer army.

When people assume a person's queer sexuality they are simply admitting to themselves at the very least that LGBTQ EXISTS. This is important to me because I grew up in a community where LGBTQ didn't even exist in the collective consciousness of the people and EVERYONE IS AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED TO BE STRAIGHT AND EXPECTED TO BE.

People read people's sexuality all the time and have done so since time immemorial and a lot of the time when they have had a sexuality read it's in the lines of straight, cis, rich, poor, superior or inferior. And that is a problem for some of us too because that discrepancy in the assumptions is as a result of homophobia and heteronormativity.

That whole don't assume a person's queer sexuality debacle sounds to me like a boujee way of denormalizing and preventing the normalization of queerness disguised under care, disguised under intelligence and disguised under wokeness. Especially when straightness is the default setting in this giant blue bulb.

We need to radicalize that. We need to change the cis straight default setting and if you are perpetuating this narrative you really aren't helping the situation. SIT DOWN.

I'm rarely assumed to be queer in certain circles and while that makes me feel comfortable within those circles it often times make it hard for me to admit my queerness openly in those circles too because I fear I will lose that comfort and respect and love and privileges that comes with being percieved straight in those spaces.

When I started my blog, I noticed some people assumed I was white and would use certain black descriptors as slurs when describing other people to me. I quickly had to switch the formal way in which I wrote to a much casual tone so my blackness would show through. Don't get it twisted. She black. She blackidy black black.

Then on the other hand, I was hesitant to let my queerness be known too because being black, I was marginalized as it is- you is black, or sound black💀 you know how it is- it's that intersectionality of oppression at play. Double double homicide.

When certain people realized I was black POC minority, their attitude towards me changed. I had those who didn't so much understand what black language is or perhaps wasn't used to being in black spaces and were uncomfortable with my blackness- these would take offense at me saying certain things in certain ways. Like chilee relax Karen, all I said was these motherfukkers gay as shit and they gay. Why you acting like I called them twinks or sommin. Right there, I'm cancelled for calling Jikook motherfuckers. They get sirens and everything😭😭😭😭😭😭

Same vein, I struggle destraightening myself or correcting people who assume I'm straight because I fear they will treat me differently if they knew I wasn't.

Straight privilege exists in the same way as white or even pretty privilege may exist and because these exist there's that automatic conception of queer, poc, ugly, fat disemfranschismet to run along side it.

People treat you differently based on how they perceive you. That's a fact. And for queer people, perceiving us as straight is the only way we get to be treated as human by the masses. And a lot of us embrace that- straight until proven gay am I right 🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's the duper's delight for me. Untill you catch me with a 5'8 melanin skinned silk pressed auntie on my left nipple good luck proving I'm gay.

It can be fun, I akekeke when some people around me are totally oblivious to the fact and even sometimes defend my straightness with their dying breath when nasty friends throw them shades or try to out me unprovoked.

A lot of us don't want to admit we are gay because we don't want to be disenfranchised.

I speak for myself when I say this.

But 'Don't assume someone's sexuality' is a double edged censorship used for and against queer people. It seemly offers protection on the surface of it for queer people but underneath it promotes heteronormativity and standardizes straightness and it is also used to promote closet culture, under the disguise of care and concern for the autonomy of queer people but that is a fallacy because our autonomy has never mattered to anyone since the dawn of homophobia.

And I don't know where this interpretation comes from. Why do people not want to assume queer people's sexuality but it's ok to assume straight people's???

It feels like a hijacked movement to me.

THIS IS THE ACCURATE MOVEMENT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

Don't assume all people are straight. It's ok to assume some people are queer because queer people exists too.

It is wrong however to assume queerness based on how a person talks, walks, dresses or even on their body type. That is stereotyping. And stereotyping is wrong.

When it comes to Jikook, Jimin is often stereotyped as gay more so than Jungkook because they have different body structures. Jungkook is stereotyped too solely because of the way his wrists hang, or based on moments he's femininity shines through.

But I don't think shippers stereotype Jikook in that way at all. I dont think shippers believe Jikook are dating eachother simply because Jungkook applied setting powder to his face that one time. They assume they are gay only because they believe those two to be dating eachother. That is not stereotyping. If those two were heterosexuals I don't think people will accuse their shippers of stereotyping.

It's one thing to assume Kai is gay because he looks skinny and dances well. It's another to assume he is gay because in a relationship with Gdragon. And if people can't tell the difference between the two, they should get some education and stop talking about things they know nothing about or only know because they stumbled across user69 on Twitter. They are not helping.

Untill people get offended when people assume others are straight, that rhetoric doesn't matter in its inequality. If you ask me, everyone is gay until proven straight.

Yet how many people will take offense at that?

Assuming people can be gay is not delulu.

It's ok to assume people can be gay. It's wrong to stereotype them as gay. If you can't assume they are gay, don't assume they are straight and don't assume at all. Run with this sis.

Wait, they don't ship Jikook but they call Jikook boyfriends???????👀👀👀👀👀

The fake woke syndrome will kill people in this fandom with these mentally confused thought crisis bunch💀💀💀💀

Jikook themselves are shippers💀

Smh

GOLDY

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autumnsart22 · 3 years

Text

A Dream Come True: Shigaraki x Dabi x Reader part 2/2

Part 2 of the fanfic my friend wrote!

Warning: SMUT 🔥

Dabi strode off down the hall and you started to work on putting the rest of the groceries away, and cleaning some dishes in the sink. Shigaraki stood up from the table and walked into the kitchen. He looked around before looking at you, raising the empty beer bottle. You opened the drawer that held the trash and recycling and he threw it in with a loud clunk. He stood there in the middle of the kitchen for a little while before you finally asked,

“Can I help you?”

“You’re standing in front of the fridge.” he states plainly. You roll your eyes and move out of the way as he grabs another beer. He makes his way back to the table and sits down.

You both pass the time in silence as he sips on his beer and you finish cleaning the kitchen. At some point Dabi comes out of the bathroom still drying his hair with a towel wearing nothing but your brother's old pair of black joggers that look slightly too big but the strings in the front were tied tight preventing them from falling any lower. Dear god what have you done to deserve this? He switched with Shigaraki who took his turn in the bathroom while you scoured the apartment for extra blankets and pillows and threw them on the couch. When Shigaraki was done in the shower he came out in a long sleeve white shirt and your ex-boyfriend's old pair of grey sweatpants. He joined Dabi who had heated up one of the soba cups from the store.

“Okay I’m gonna go shower, you can just...yea” you spoke out loud trailing off as neither of them paid you any attention, and you left to go to the bathroom. You peeled off your work clothes, just some black jeans and a black blouse, throwing them into the same pile of clothes as Dabi and Shigaraki’s. You took your time washing your hair and and shaving your legs feeling like you deserved to pamper yourself a little given your night. You weren’t that tired given that you basically turned nocturnal since working at the bar. When you felt fresh and clean you dried off and wrapped yourself up in a towel to head to your room. Once you changed into some sweats and a tank top you made your way back out to the living room to find Dabi, now wearing a black t-shirt, and Shigaraki on the couch both nursing another beer while talking in hushed tones which again halted the moment they saw you. They both looked at you.

“What?” You said confused on why they were both staring at you.

“I have more questions,” Shigaraki stated, finally averting his gaze away from you, although it seemed reluctant.

“Okay...shoot” you said walking into the kitchen for a glass of water then plopping onto the middle section of the couch in between them. If there was one piece of furniture you splurged on it was this couch. It was a huge ‘U’ shape and could fit up to 10 people if they squished side by side. Shigaraki and Dabi were both sprawled on the two sides of the couch with you sitting in the bottom of the U.

“What sort of art or shit do people create about us?”

You almost choke on your water. That was not the sort of question you were expecting.

“Why?” you said suspiciously.

“You mentioned it earlier and I’m curious,” Shigaraki said, making large hand gestures swinging his beer bottle around. He must be getting kinda tipsy.

“Fine but if I’m answering these questions. I’m gonna need a stronger drink”

“All out here princess” Shigaraki says, taking the last gulp of his beer and waving it towards you.

“Same here.” Dabi says holding his beer bottle up, as though expecting you to take it. You stand up and grab both bottles and chuck them into the recycling, then grabbing a bottle of rum from the back of your cabinet. You make your way back to the couch and take a large swig shuddering as it goes down. Shigaraki motions for the bottle and you hand it over passing it to Dabi afterwards.

“Okay so back to my question”

“Well people write and draw all kinds of shit. Everything from just realistic art or funny art to overtly sexual” Shigaraki raises an eyebrow at this.

“What you don’t believe me?” You ask laughing slightly cause if only they knew.

“People think of crusty in that way?” Dabi laughs.

“Hey like you’re any better staples. Y/N who do people like more?” Shigaraki shoots.

“That’s gotta be Dabi. He’s pretty well known as being attractive”

“Fuck you” Shigaraki pouts and Dabi smirks to himself.

“Hey it’s not my fault, and trust me there’s still a ton of shit about you. And some of both of you” You said this last part quickly while taking another large swallow of rum. You couldn’t help yourself.

“What do you mean the both of us?” Dabi and Shigaraki looked at you hesitantly.

“Well people like to put you two together. It’s called shipping, or they just pair you together as like a duo in fanfiction”

Both of their reactions looked like they were about to gag and murder the other at just the thought of what people had had them do to eachother.

“Okay that’s the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my life” Dabi says reaching for the bottle which you hand over willingly.

“Moving on from that,” Shigaraki says, shaking his head as though to physically erase his mind. “So Y/N you’re obviously a fan. Who are your favorites?”

“I don’t know. I have a lot of people I like and don’t like. It depends.” At this point your brain was becoming warm and fuzzy but you didn’t want to let anything slip out that could be potentially embarrassing or would make the two men turn against you.

“Bullshit. Spill”

“I told you it depends”

“On what?” he said this with a sneer.

“I don’t know” You said exasperatedly. “my mood, who’s been most present in the media. It just depends on what I’m looking for.”

“What you’re looking for?” Dabi repeated confusedly.

“Next question” You state simply.

The two villains raise their eyebrows at you, curious at your evasion of the question, but your lips stay shut.

“Fine we’ll come back to that one Princess.” Shigaraki complies.“What do we look like in the show? I mean do we look different in real life?”

“Shouldn’t we be trying to figure out how to get you guys back?” you ask.

“Not much we can do about it. I’m sure the rest of the league and Kurogiri are tracking down those thugs right now, so answer my question”

“I don’t know. I guess you look kinda different, but I can still recognize you. I can show you if you want?” Shigaraki looks at you with affirmation. You get up to get your computer which you hook up to the tv screen in front of the couch. Dabi and Shigaraki turn so they can see the television, both laying down on their backs. You open your laptop (sorry I am basing it off my computer) and type in your password.

“Is that Shoto?” Dabi says disgustedly. There was in fact a fanart picture of Todoroki amongst the collage that was your background screen.

“Oh yeah. He would be in the it depends list” you say timidly quickly opening up the browser to cover up the background.

“Why the fuck did he look like some 20 year old model?”

“I told you, it’s fanart. People draw characters the way they see them or want to see them. Shoto is also really popular amongst fans if not the most I would say”

Dabi makes a noise of revulsion. You turn back to start typing in Shigaraki’s name into the browser and instantly images pop up as well as the fandom wiki and regular wiki articles. You click on images and start to scroll through.

“This is weird” Shigaraki says slightly in awe but disturbed at seeing this world's visions of his life. “Here give me that” he says gesturing towards your computer. You hand it over reluctantly.

“Seriously?!” he says grabbing the laptop.

“What?” you say hesitantly. Did you forget to close out of something?

He lifts the computer for Dabi to also see the two stickers on the sides of your trackpad.

“The anger explosion boy and pro eraserhead?” Dabi said, judgement was obvious in his tone.

“What?” you said defensively.

“Nothing I just thought you’d be a villain girl and all”

WTF, you think. What was that supposed to mean?

“Why do you think that? And who says I’m not?”

Dabi raised an eyebrow in interest but didn't answer your taunts, instead turning back to the screen. Shigaraki has been scrolling through and tapping on pictures of himself making little noises and reactions.

“This is fucking weird” He states again, the screen was stopped on a very sultry piece of fanart of Shigaraki.

“Take that down you freak. No one needs to see your crusty dusty body like that. Hand it over.” Dabi tells Shigaraki.

Shigaraki passes the computer over and Dabi searches his own name seeing all the pictures of him, although significantly more fanart pops up for him. He scrolls for a little bit but becomes weirded out or downright just bored at the photos of him. He then goes back to the wikipedia page and starts to read. While the two men continue to look at the screen and read information about their show, you stand up and head to the kitchen feeling peckish. You wander through the kitchen opening and closing all the cabinets waiting for something to catch your eye. You open the fridge and close it moving onto the freezer. Your eyes scan the contents when you spot the pint of chocolate fudge ice cream. You take it out and grab a spoon making your way back to the couch. When you get to the couch both Shigaraki and Dabi are staring at you again with intensity and amusement.

“What?” you say, plopping back into your spot, struggling to tear open the plastic and resorting to using your teeth. With both of them still staring at you as though waiting for something, you look at the screen and see that your messages are open. You take a second to read the new text from your friend.

‘Dude have you read this Shiggy Dabs fanfic? It made me 🤤🥵’

‘This ones similar to the last one you sent me, so be prepared⛓️😂’

Your heart sank as you saw the familiar logo of Ao3 underneath those texts.

“What were you saying about being a villain girl?” Dabi said, smirking.

“I––” You had no idea what to say.

“Aww is the Princess embarrassed” Shigaraki says teasingly.

You try to get up to leave but a hand roughly pulls you back down and you hide behind your hands refusing to look at the two villains. This was so embarrassing. What were you going to do? Now they knew that you liked them. That you were like the other people in this world that they had been disgusted by all night. They weren’t likely to just let this go. If only you could get to your room and lock the door maybe they would just leave.

“Come on don’t be shy. Are we on your depends list?”

They take your silence and continued evasion as an affirmation.

“Hmm…” You hear Dabi hum lowly. “What exactly are we dependent on? What are you looking for when you search for us?” Dabi asks, already knowing the answer.

“Come on tell us” Shigaraki coos. You shake your head. You could feel both of the boys drawing closer to you like school bullies cornering you in the bathroom, but you didn’t dare look up at them, too embarrassed. That’s when you heard typing. Your head whips up to see Dabi replying to your friend.

‘What exactly do you mean by similar?’

By the time you read what he wrote they were already responding.

‘You know 😂 the usual non-con threesome with you and dabs and shigs. Kidnapping, ropes, degradation, similar to all the other fanfics 😋 tho in this one you cum four times and each a dif way😳 ’

If your stomach dropped even more. It would have touched the ground.

“So not only are you a villain’s girl but you’re a kinky little slut too?” Dabi says chuckling. He was practically next to you staring at your frozen figure as you looked at the screen.

“I should have known when you walked out here with these cute little things poking out” He reached over and pinched your nipple tugging on the metal barbell through it. You squealed instinctually pulling away but he caught the top of your tank top effectively pulling it down revealing your breasts, each decorated with a metal piercing.

You motion to cover them, but your hands are once again forced behind your back, however this time Shigaraki had the pleasure of restraining you.

“Let go of me!” you yelped at the humiliating assault.

“I thought you liked this?” Dabi said in mock sympathy. “Just how many times have you gotten off to us?”

You were squirming trying to remove yourself from Shigaraki’s grip.

“Answer the question” Dabi said, pinching your nipple again. You yelped in pain but you could feel the slick starting to build between your legs.

“A lot okay. Now let go!”

Dabi and Shigaraki complied surprisingly. You regained your breath and pulled your tank top back up. The next few minutes passed in silence as Shigaraki took another swig of rum and Dabi continued to scroll through the different My Hero wikipedia pages. You got up still in shock taking your forgotten ice cream back to the freezer. You had lost your appetite.

What were you supposed to do now? You were still slightly scared of them after what just happened but you couldn’t ignore the arousal that had been sparked deep within you. You had dreamt of this many times. This wasn’t much different than the different fanfiction you had read, and honestly this would be on the tamer end, but that was just fiction. But were you really going to pass up this chance? How could you? Yet why’d they stop? You were surprised and honestly kinda disappointed they had now that you were standing in the kitchen. And with that you had made up your mind. You are not going to pass up this chance you could never forgive yourself.

You made your way back over to the couch but didn’t sit down. You stood in front of them silent staring at your feet, trying to figure out what you wanted to say.

“What?” Dabi said as though nothing had happened.

“Why’d you stop?” you asked timidly.

“Hmm? Because you said so.” Dabi said as though this was an obvious answer to a stupid question.

You looked at him surprised.

“Don’t believe me?” He said with a small chuckle.

When you didn’t seem to get any less anxious he continued with a sigh.

“Look Princess, I may be a bastard and sadistic villain but I don’t go wishing pain on everyone, especially ones with cute tits. Of course if they’re into that then I’m down” He said this so casually it seemed almost wrong, all while he continued to watch your computer screen. You assumed it was in part due to the alcohol, but still.

“you’re blocking the screen,” Shigaraki said annoyed.

“Was that all princess?” Dabi said mockingly

“Well….”

“What?” Shigaraki spat.

“Hurry up,” Dabi said flatly.

“What if I wanted to continue?” You said finally looking up at them. They both looked at you intently, then gave each other a look and were smiling when their eyes fell back to you.

“Our little Princess wants to live out her dirty villainous fantasies...huh?”

You nod. Wait did they just say our?

“Come on tell us what you’ve dreamt about?” Dabi says beckoning you over to him with one finger.

Once you’re in front of him, he pulls you down onto his lap so you're facing him. You look at him hesitantly biting your lip.

“You’re the expert of these little situations, Princess” he says holding his hands up for you to guide them. You take his hands slowly, unsure of your actions and guide them back to your breasts. He gives you a smirk and gives you a good squeeze, causing a small moan to escape your throat. You instinctually grind down into his lap feeling his member start to harden beneath you. You lean your head back as Dabi pulls your tank top over your head. You look over at Shigaraki who’s staring at you starting to palm himself through the sweats.

“Him too princess?” Dabi asks you, giving your nipples a pinch causing you to moan all the while still staring at Shigaraki “Mmmhmmm”

This was enough for Shigaraki to slide down the couch to where the two of you were.

“Tell him where you want him, otherwise he won’t know what to do, I can’t imagine he’s done this before” Dabi encourages.

“Oh shut up” Shigaraki hisses, but he focuses back on you when you grab his hand and bring it to your neck. He insticutally keeps one finger raised, but you push that finger down with the rest deep into the side of your neck limiting the oxygen flowing to your brain, enough to give you that high. Flooded with pleasure you grind down again into Dabi feeling your underwear starting to become uncomfortably wet.

Looking into Shigaraki’s crimson eyes, you could feel them boring into you just as hungry as you felt. He leans in close, lips barely ghosting over your own. You could feel both of your breaths mixing in the millimeters between you two when Dabi gives a harsh tug to both your nipples causing you to gasp. Shigaraki seized this opportunity to violently smash your lips together. Your hand reaches into his hair, gripping for support as the initial ferver and clash of teeth dies down into long passionate tangling of tongues as you explore each other's mouth. His rough lips scratching into your’s was a sensation you’ve imagined many times but none of it lived up to reality. He nipped lightly on your bottom lip making you lean into him more.

Dabi’s hands continued their exploration of your torso, moving down your sides to your hips and around to your ass. He squeezed and kneaded them with his strong fingers. Shigaraki squeezed your neck again sending another rush of euphoria to your head making you moan into his mouth before he pulled away to attack your neck and take over teasing your breasts. You look back at Dabi with hunger in your eyes.

“What now princess? What do you want?” He says with a devilish grin.

You grind down into his cock again which is now hard as ever.

“Uh-uh. Use your words.” he says giving your ass a squeeze.

Shigaraki rolls your nipples in between his harsh fingers sending waves of pleasure and pain throughout your body, causing you to roll your head again and let out a short moan. When you look back at Dabi, you speak in a low breathy tone, almost a whisper.

“Abuse me”

With those few words, Dabi smirks and slips his hands underneath the waistband of your sweats. “As you wish”

Shigaraki continues his attack to your neck sucking and biting, leaving red and darkened patches curving down your shoulder and back. Dabi continued his groping, and you could feel the rough staples scratching at your flesh and his nails digging in harsher than before. His hands slide down the curve of your ass tugging your soiled underwear to the side.

“Hmmm you’re so wet.” Dabi said, ghosting his fingers over your dripping entrance.

“You little whore. Getting so wet for a couple of villains” You shiver at the sensitive touch and degrading words. Gripping to Shigaraki’s shirt and grinding down trying to gain friction, you notice Shigaraki palming himself again. You replace his hand with your own, wrapping your fingers around his clothed cock, squeezing lightly. Shigaraki groaned deeply in your ear, sending vibrations straight to your core while Dabi’s fingers dip slightly into your needy hole but only enough to tease more juices and whimpers out of you. You try to push down onto them only for him to retreat.

“Please...stop teasing” you whine.

“So needy Princess huh? You want my fingers in that little cunt of yours?”

“Yes. Dabi. Please” you didn't care at this point how pathetic you sounded. The pressure in your core was building and you needed to be pushed over the edge.

“Go on...make yourself cum on my fingers. Show me how much you want it,” Dabi said sneering at how desperate you looked. He finally allowed two fingers to sink into you as you lowered your hips again. You were always amazed at how much deeper fingers other than your own could reach, and Dabi’s in particular could reach places you could never dream of finding on your own.

The effect was immediate. You started to roll your hips, bouncing slightly on Dabi’s fingers. You’re grip on Shigarak’s member stalls as you’re overwhelmed with pleasure. Shigaraki, displeased by this fact, guides you inside his sweats, pumping himself with your hand. You could feel the precum leaking from his slit as your fingers smear it up and down his shaft. Shigaraki continued his abuse of your flesh, moving down biting and sucking till his teeth latched onto your sensitive nipple. You whine as Dabi’s other hand had found your clit. He twirled it between his fingers letting his nail drag over it. This added stimulation drove you closer sending shivers up your spine.

“Mm close” you whimper as your movements on Dabi’s fingers become sloppy.

“Come on princess. Make yourself cum, make a pretty little mess all over my fingers”

Dabi presses into your clit and you grind down hard again. Dabi wickedly curls his fingers pressing into that soft spot inside you releasing the knot of pressure that had been building in your core.Your legs shake and you clamp down hard onto his fingers which are still moving in and out of you, prolonging your orgasm.

You weakly fall forward onto Dabi’s chest as Shigaraki releases your hand from his dick. You can feel Dabi’s fingers pull out of you and when you open your eyes you see him playing with your sticky release coating his fingers. You watch as Dabi brings his fingers to his mouth, smearing some on his lip and licking it before taking them into his mouth, sucking and cleaning yourself off of him.

“Princess you’re delicious” He says smiling down at you making you blush at the crude compliment.

“My turn to taste'' Shigaraki said, pulling you off Dabi’s lap. He positioned you on your back, your head resting on Dabi’s thigh. As Shigaraki did away with your sweats and underwear, you pulled Dabi’s mismatched lips to yours. The feeling was heavenly. You could still taste yourself on his tongue as he explored your mouth. You tugged needily at Dabi’s shirt and he pulled it off only breaking the kiss for a brief moment.

You savored the wet and slow pace opposite to Shigaraki’s fast and rough, both pleasure in their own ways. You’re breath hitched and you moaned deeply when you felt Shigaraki’s wet tongue lick the length of your core, swiping up the sticky left overs from your previous release.

You look down at Shigaraki. He had positioned himself between your thighs, knees slumped over his shoulders. He was staring up at you licking his lips before attaching himself to your clit sucking at it harshly. You could feel that ball of pressure tighten again in your stomach and you let your head fall back to Dabi’s thigh, eyes shut, focusing on the feeling of the hot wet mouth working at your sex. You’re hand threaded its way into Shigaraki’s silky blue hair, tugging lightly, only making him suck harder.

You felt Dabi’s hand on your cheek and you opened your eyes looking up into his sapphire eyes before he turned your head. You were met with Dabi’s unclothed cock. Your eyes followed the Jacobs ladder of staples up his shaft to the head where you could see a bead of precum sitting at the slit. You smile thinking how in the hell fanfic got this detail right.

“What’re you smiling at? Impressed?”

“Hmm...No piercing, huh? Guess they got that part wrong”

“You people are sick” he says chuckling before directing his dick into your mouth.

You take it gladly bobbing your head down his shaft, hollowing your cheeks before sliding back up, letting your tongue catch on each of the staples. Dabi let out a low groan, putting his hand in your hair to keep it away from your face.

You continue to work your mouth on Dabi’s cock while Shigaraki continues to swipe his tongue through your sensitive folds. You moan around Dabi’s length when Shigaraki slips a finger inside, causing you to buck your hips, pushing his tongue deeper into you.

The vibrations from your tight throat had Dabi pushing your head down taking his entire length. You gagged around his cock, choking for air but that only drove you further into your pleasure. Shigaraki added another finger and started pistoning into you violently while sucking at your clit once again. You moaned, tugging at Shigaraki’s hair, signaling you were close. You could tell Dabi was close too as he took control and started face fucking you, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat with every thrust.

Shigaraki added a third finger stretching you wider and driving you over the edge for the second time as you gasped around Dabi’s cock, legs squeezing around Shigaraki. Your orgasm drove Dabi to the edge as he thrust into you again and kept your head down as your throat tightened around his length. Thick ropes of cum shot from the tip and slid down the back of your throat. You took it all swallowing until you couldn’t breathe anymore pushing Dabi away. You’re head lolled on Dabi’s lap as you recovered from your high.

Dabi was leaning back breathing deeply with his eyes closed. Your brain was still foggy but it wasn’t long until you felt something back against your sex. Looking down you see Shigaraki lining himself up with your entrance, coating his cock in your juices. Your eyes widen at seeing his length out in the open. It was not as decorated as Dabi’s but it held the same presence, being about an inch longer although not as thick as Dabi’s. Shigaraki looks up at you when he lines himself up, the tip merely resting against you, and sees your nervous expression.

“Huh didn’t think I was getting you this wet for nothing. I ain’t wasting a drop of this pussy”

He stared into your eyes as he steadily pushed into you. The stretch was almost unbearable. You squeezed your eyes shut trying to make it through the burning stretch.

“Shit you’re tight. Feels like my dick is in a vice... fuuuuuck… relax” Shigaraki hissed.

You could barely register his voice let alone his request. You could barely breath focusing only on the pain as Shigaraki continued to push against your walls.

“Hey patchwork stop sleeping and get her to breathe”

Dabi shifts underneath you and you feel his hands run down your sides outlining your torso. Even though he didn’t have his quirk, his hands were hot and soothing as they rubbed against your skin.

“Come on Princess.” You open your eyes slightly to see Dabi looking down at you patronizingly.

“You’ve been doing so well,” He said brushing your jaw with the back of his hand. “And you wanna feel good right?”

You nod meekly.

Dabi leans down so his lips are hovering centimeters over yours. The smell of alcohol on his breath tantalizing and his minty scent making your head spin.

“Breathe Princess. Just focus on me” He whispers before putting his lips on yours. You melt into the kiss doing exactly what Dabi says, exhaling through your nose and focusing on the way his cold staples scratch against your skin while his soft tongue dances with your own.

When you break the kiss for air it’s only because Shigaraki has managed to bury himself to the hilt. You can feel him pressing against your cervix deep inside you. You look at him again and find him head tilted back, eyes closed, taking in the feeling of you pulsing around him. Even though you know it’s not out of consideration but pure self indulgence, you're glad that he hasn’t started moving yet as you adjust to his length. Eventually it seems the lust of needing to rearrange your insides trumped being his own personal cockwarmer. His eyes fell on you again as you pulled out till only the tip was inside before bottoming out once again. Each time slowly pulling out only to thrust back in at full force.

You were still adjusting to his length, but soon the burning sensation of being stretched and pounded turned into addicting pleasure. You resumed your kiss with Dabi whose hands had found their way to your breast as Shigaraki increased his pace. Soon you were being knocked senseless by Shigaraki’s ruthless pace. He always has been fast on screen, so why did you think he’d be any different here. Moans and gasps escaped your mouth as the tip of Shigaraki’s cock hit your cervix. Once again the pressure began to build in your core. You began to whimper as you were pushed closer and closer to the edge.

“Fuckkk I’m close. It’s like you're pulling me deeper. So fucking good” Shigaraki panted out falling to his hands on either side of your hips for support. You whimper again and claw at the couch cushions as you could feel yourself just on the brink when Dabi’s hand slides down your stomach and begins rubbing at your clit. You cry out and clamp down hard on Shigaraki legs shaking and eyes rolling back as Dabi’s ministrations send you through your third orgasm of the night.

You feel Shigaraki thrust once more hard and then hot thick jets of white paint your walls. You shudder at the feeling of being pumped full, your sex still milking him of everylast drop. Shigaraki finally pulls out of you and lays back on the couch catching his breath savoring the last waves of his high falling down.

You too were recuperating and limp, unable to move. Your mind was hazy from the alcohol and the relentless stimulation. You were so tired that you didn’t even care about cleaning up but rather drifting off to sleep right there. However you were jostled from these thoughts as Dabi had rolled you off his lap and onto your stomach. You could hardly keep up with his movements as he stood and walked around you. It wasn’t until you felt a pair of hands lifting your hips that you looked back to see Dabi fisting is dick that looked painfully hard. You couldn’t fathom another round right now but you were still so weak from your last high that you didn’t have time to prepare before Dabi thrusted into your already abused hole.

He sighed once he was buried inside you. He leaned down so his chest was hovering above your back the heat making your skin prickle. He leaned down till his breath could be felt on the back of your neck.

“Mhmm… ’m so close already and you’re gonna let me pump you full, aren’t you princess”

You couldn’t respond because your overly sensitive body was already reacting to Dabi's hard cock pressing into you, stretching you wider around his girth. Even though your mind was fading in and out, you involuntarily pressed your hips back to make him go deeper, seeking out the friction your body needed to overdose on.

Dabi was the exact opposite of Shigaraki. He took his time, thrusting in and out, making sure you felt every staple and ridge of his cock dragging against your walls savoring the way they pulled him in. Overstimulation caused tears to form in the corners of your eyes only soft whimpers escaping your mouth. Dabi continued slow and deliberate, letting out low breathy grunts with every thrust. On the edge once more, never fully recovering from before, you were longing to be undone one last time.

“Please Dabi” you mewl.

Dabi snickered in your ear before snaking his hand under you and pressing his fingers to your clit which was all the stimulation you needed to moan out and squeeze around Dabi who came at the feeling of your gummy walls constricting around his pulsing length. You felt his seed fill you up and mix with Shigaraki’s inside you. Dabi dropped down next to you, rolling you onto your side so you were effectively spooning with his cock still inside you. You could hear movement apart from you and Dabi, and in opening your eyes you saw Shigaraki standing pulling up the sweats that were bunched at his thighs. He noticed you staring at him.

“Tch. I don’t cuddle Princess and I gotta piss” His tone was crude but laced with content from having a good fuck. “Don’t let a single drop out Dabi” Shigaraki stated before walking down the hall.

Dabi didn’t respond but seemed to have no intent on moving as you felt his member begin to soften inside you. You couldn’t be more concerned about the implications behind Shigaraki’s comment or the fact that you still had a dick inside you. You were just tired and groggy from the night's events and thankful that you were finally able to be comfortable and close your eyes. You didn’t think Dabi was really a cuddle after sex with a stranger kinda guy but you weren’t complaining. He was warm and made you feel safe despite knowing he would most likely kill you in any other context. You let your eyes close again, head falling onto Dabi’s arm, giving into the waves of exhaustion coming over you.

When Shigaraki came back from the bathroom he found you and Dabi still in the exact same position he left you in. Dabi opened his eyes when he heard Shigaraki come back into the room.

“Is she out?” Shigaraki asked.

“Think so,” Dabi said, finally pulling out of you and tugging the joggers back up to his hips. He slides out from behind you, but you don’t even realize, body only curling inwards at the loss of heat. Dabi stands and looks down at you with Shigaraki. You look so worn out and peaceful. Your body exposed for them, hickeys and bruises forming where Shigaraki ravaged your neck. Your ass is still red from the pounding, and welts forming where Dabi’s strong fingers dug into you. However the best part was probably the shine of slick spread on the inside of your thighs as a stream white cum dribbled from your used hole.

Shigaraki notices this and sits down by your feet.

“What’re you doing?”

“I told you I don’t want any of it out. Got a problem with that?”

“Nope.” Dabi said rolling his eyes and walking away. “I’ve learned to not try and figure out your sick mind”

Shigaraki looked back down at you.

“Good. I have plans for her.” Dabi rolled his eyes again and walked down the hall to the bathroom. Shigaraki ran a hand up your thigh and you flexed at his touch, still unconscious. Shigaraki ran his fingers down the length of your core smearing the juices there before scooping up the stream of cum still leaking out of you and pushing it back inside you. His two fingers easily slipped into your stretched whole, but that didn’t stop a small whine from slipping from your throat. Shigaraki moved his fingers lazily in and out of you pushing the cum deeper. His eyes shot to your face when your hips bucked instinctively against him, your face was scrunched and staggered breaths and sniffs escaping your slightly parted lips, but you were still out, lost in whatever continued fantasy your fatigued brain was conjuring.

Shigaraki pushed into you a few more times selfishly pressing into the soft spot inside you that had you clamp down onto his fingers one last time. You gasped and curled further into a ball. When Shigaraki pulled his fingers out you hummed, face still scrunched, but he got up and left to the kitchen to wash off his hands.

When Dabi came back he met Shigaraki in the kitchen grabbing a glass of water and leaning against the counter.

“What do we do now?” Dabi asked casually.

“Well I don’t know ‘bout you but I’m fucking exhausted”

“Do you really think the rest of the league will be able to figure this out?”

“Kurogiri is smart enough, even if the rest of the league is useless with this sort of thing. However I am curious what this sick twisted universe has to offer us”

“Whatever you say” Dabi says walking back to the couch, and lifting you bridal style. You lean into his warmth as he carries you to your bedroom plopping you down on your bed and closing the door.

When you open your eyes the next morning, you feel your head throbbing against your skull. The bright light streaming in through your window was enough to make you want to stab the sun till it was nothing more than an ember. You closed your eyes again trying to remember the dream you were having but as you searched your brain, pieces of your dream seemed to turn into memories. You shot your eyes open and sat up. It was just a dream right? Realizing you were naked and that your skin felt sticky and dirty was enough to make your head pound harder than before. Wasn’t the fact you were hungover proof enough that last night events had taken place? No, there was still a chance you had just gotten drunk and imagined it all, but you had to be sure. You sprang out of bed and pulled on some loose shorts and a shirt, impatiently throwing open the door and speeding down the hall to where the proof you needed would be.

The living room was lit by the bright sunlight streaming through the curtains. The golden rays illuminated messy blankets and pillows strewn across the couch, an empty rum bottle, a pair of your sweats and tank top buried on the floor, but no one was there. You felt nauseous trying to piece everything together along with the aftermath of the alcohol. You rush to the sink in the kitchen and puke up the contents of your stomach. You grip the counter and close your eyes until you felt more confident in your body's ability to keep everything inside. You slowly open your eyes and look around, mind going back to what happened last night. However you get sidetracked by a bright blue sticky note sticking up from your countertop. Walking over to it you read.

“Kurogiri is a smart man. We’ll be back Princess. PS I want the blood out of my pants.”

#shigaraki #shiggy #tomura #Dabi #shigaraki x dabi #dabi x shigaraki #dabi x reader #shigaraki x dabi x reader #shigaraki x reader #smut #anime #fanfiction #fandom #fanfic #spicy

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icarusdiesatdawn · 2 years

Note

(bad buddy schedule anon from earlier) excellent thank you for the info :) I feel like I'm gonna get invested so I want to wait until it's all out haha! as an aside--I really like your drama posts and it seems like you have good taste, do you have any recommendations other than the shows you've been watching recently? I kind of don't trust the wider internet lol

Hi again! Thank you so much, that's so sweet!!! 💖 I'm happy you asked! I watched a lot of dramas and while with bl especially it's often a hit and miss, I definitely have a few recs.

I not sure which ones count as recent because I've binge watched so much stuff lately and time has no meaning, but I think - bad buddy aside - I've been mainly posting about kieta hatsukoi, utsukushii kare and not me, so I won't mention those. (Except that I did. Just now.)

I made a list! It turned out longer than I anticipated even though I tried to keep it short ;_; so I'm just gonna add a cut here

Thai bl

3 will be free

A tale of thousand stars

I watched a lot more thai dramas that were okay and mostly enjoyable, but these are my favourites!! They have genuine interesting plot besides the gay love story ('Not me' has that too btw!!!!!). 3WBF has a poly throuple of sorts and they are on the run from the mafia, really thrilling, badass female characters. And ATOTS is also directed by P'Aof, who does bad buddy. I should also mention 'He's coming to me', also by p'aof and with ohm pawat (pat from bad buddy) in the lead role. It's a cute ghost love story!

Korean bl

Color rush

To my star

where your eyes linger

I also watched 'Light on me' and I did like it, but for some reason I didn't finish it. I'm also not the biggest fan of love triangles, that was a little annoying imo. Still recommendable though I guess

Some other good kdramas, not BL

Beyond evil

The devil judge

Strangers from hell

These three belong to the 'merciless evil devil from hell' mega fandom, alongside with 'the merciless' but I haven't watched that one yet. I love this fandom mashup though! They all have a similar vibe that I like to call "morally gay" lol. I mean, you sure they aren't bl????

Zombie detective

Coffee prince

These two are plain fun! Zombie detective is what it says on the tin - he's a zombie and a detective! It's silly and endearing with a very subtle romance, I hope they make a season two. Coffee prince is just a really sweet romance drama from 2007

Taiwanese bl

We best love: no. 1 for you

We best love: fighting mr second

Your name engraved herein

We best love is my favourite thing!!! I love it so much. The sequel is not as good as the first one, but I still liked it. I have a weird aesthetic crush on zhao shi yi. Honestly don't remember much of YNEH but it was good and very emo I think.

Jdrama

Cherry magic

Cherry magic is so popular do I even need to say something? I hated the author guy, at some point started skipping his scenes. Otherwise 10/10 love the aroace rep.

Nobuta wo produce

Dele

Smoking

Okay okay okay, nobuta wo produce, dele and smoking are imo criminally underrated dramas!!! At least on tumblr, I know nobuta was really popular in japan back then. I suspect dele might be more well known there too? I hope so because it's really really good and I love it!! I wish they would've made more seasons, the concept of this story is so clever and unique and the two leads have wonderful dynamic. I really recommend it, it's a gem. Smoking is a little brutal but my goodness, it has the most beautiful found family bonds.

Alice in borderland

Giri/haji

Alice in borderland, so so good. Very popular since it's a big production, I'm sure I don't need to explain it. I'm so stoked for season two. Giri/haji is actually british japanese, it takes place in london and tokyo, they switch between talking english and japanese a lot. It's a crime drama involving mafia and there are cool swords and lgbtq+ storylines

Cdrama

I mean. Do I have to say it. The Untamed. The untamed!! It's been almost two years since I first watched it but wangxian still hold me captive, what can I say.

Go ahead

Guardian

Detective L

Go ahead is a comfort watch, definitely. Really sweet and funny unusual family constellation and a slow burn romance. Guardian kinda gave me Torchwood vibes, I don't know why. I'm a bit disappointed with how they handled the story in the end, it felt a bit rushed and idk I would've made a few different choices in the story telling but aside from that, really fun modern fantasy, really gay.

Detective L, now this one I love so much!!!! Featuring the actor from guardian as detective Luo Fei, early 1930s in shanghai. It's very obviously inspired by sherlock holmes, but he's actually a likable character. His assistant is policewoman Xiaman, the first female detective at this station and she is badass!!!! Their romance is subtle and really adorable and sweet, but foremost they have a wonderful friendship dynamic. It's funny and silly and they bicker and tease eachother a lot. The crime cases are so well written and the costumes/settings/visuals are just 10/10 . I don't think many people have seen Detective L so I need to give it a bit of a boost :)

Ah I probably forgot some dramas, but those are the ones I could think of. If you wanna know more about any of these hmu ! Or send me an ask, or anything. I do appreciate it <3

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forasecondtherewedwon · 3 years

Text

3 Simple Rules for Dating a Centenarian - ch. 3

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Pairing: Sam Wilson/Bucky Barnes Rating: T Chapters: 3/3

Read chapters one and two on Tumblr.

Chapter three summary: Sam and Bucky take a breather from Sharon’s party in High Town.

Sam walks back into the room from before. The one that could be a high-end boutique, or the lobby of a shady but untouchable law firm, or the backdrop for a photoshoot featuring an Avenger who wanted their surroundings to exude enviable elegance and expensiveness without at all detracting from their presence. Not to name names, or speak disdainfully of the dead.

Shrugging off the brown leather jacket Sharon leant him, Sam tosses it at the couch. Yeah, technically it’s on a collision course with the back of Bucky’s head, but since Bucky dodges without turning to look, he figures he can claim poor aim. Which Sam would normally never do, especially to Bucky, but he has downed a few drinks tonight. Sharon wanted them to blend in at the party; Sam couldn’t see an easier way to blend than by doing his bit to deplete the contents of the event’s bar. He sure as hell wasn’t going to stand there pumping his arm to the beat like that motherfucker Zemo. Sam doesn’t know exactly what to blame for the Baron’s excruciating dance moves, he’s just glad he got away. Being near enough to Zemo for people to assume they were acquainted? Come on. That’s just insult on top of injury.

Bucky’s head swivels to follow him once Sam tracks into his line of sight.

“Where’s Zemo?” is the first thing he says.

Sam avoids his gaze until he’s good and comfortable on the couch at his side. It’s closer than he meant to be, since the damn thing has a curve to it, but the chairs don’t look comfortable. Unless, he supposes, you’re a percher, like Sharon. Sam doesn’t perch.

To cover for the fact that he picked his seat without thorough reconnaissance and is, with his inhibitions a little lower than usual, both far too nervous and not nearly nervous enough, Sam spreads his knees to take up even more of the couch, draping his arms along the back. Finally, he glances at Bucky.

“Sharon’s doing her shift as babysitter,” Sam says.

“Hasn’t she done enough?”

“You wanna go back down there and spell her, be my guest.”

“Nah,” Bucky says, “I think I’m good.”

Bucky’s jacket is gone too, Sam notes, moving his own from where it landed to the chair opposite. Briefly, he lets himself be curious. Why does Sharon have a wardrobe of men’s clothes in enough sizes and styles to reasonably clad himself, Bucky, and Zemo for the evening? Are these things expensive? Are they valuable, like the Monet he saw on the way in? Maybe the clothes on his back belonged to some celebrity and are set to be sold off to the highest bidder. If that weren’t a selling point before, it could be now—everything itemized and tagged as having been worn by Sam Wilson, the Falcon, the Man Who Wouldn’t Be Captain America.

In the short silence, Sam feels himself beginning to frown, but he’s just the right side of buzzed to prevent those thoughts from dragging him down. He’s a cheerful drunk. Always has been. A hugger, a giggler, a piggyback ride-giver in his younger years.

“Do you think she’s doing alright?” Bucky asks, forever ready to be morose. “Sharon?” Sam wants to stick his finger in the indentation between Bucky’s eyebrows and wiggle it until the seriousness drops from his face. He wants to smooth his thumb over Bucky’s chin, wipe out the memory of Zemo’s touch when he offered Bucky to Selby like a thing instead of a human being. “I know she took your deal, a favour for a favour, but I’ve been trying to work out what my debt to her is. My notebook—”

“There’s no math for it, Buck,” Sam says. Though his tone is lazy, his words are certain. “Who owes what to who. We just have to make it right.” Mildly annoyed that he’s been drawn back into a heavy conversation, he sighs and slings his foot up to rest his ankle on his opposite knee. The movement bumps Bucky’s thigh momentarily. “Think I might owe Sharon a little less now that she made me wear a turtleneck to that party.”

Bucky snorts a laugh. Sam turns his head and gives him the finger, though he’s also smiling.

“I’m laughing at what you said,” Bucky claims, “not the shirt. You coulda picked something else.”

“It’s black and doesn’t have a pattern. After that Smiling Tiger getup, I felt like being inconspicuous, ok?”

“Ok. You don’t need my approval.”

“You’re damn right I don’t,” Sam agrees, still grinning.

“Suits you,” Bucky half-mumbles.

Sam huffs from his nose, all his laughter in that puff of air as he faces forward again, then tips his head back to check out Sharon’s high ceiling. With nothing but night through the tall windows and the room under-illuminated by the two lamps either left on by their host or switched on by Bucky, the ceiling’s dark grey instead of white. Shadowy. Unlike the menacing shadows that seemed to stretch after them on the streets of Low Town, sending an unpleasant tickle up the back of Sam’s neck, these are soft. It’s a surprisingly peaceful end to the day, considering what the past 24 hours have encompassed. Suddenly, Sam feels as though he’s been awake a long, long time. Doesn’t mean he’s ready to sleep yet.

“So,” he says, “downstairs. Why’d you leave? Most date-like thing we’ve done yet and I tear my eyes away from the trainwreck of Zemo’s dancing to find you gone.”

“The noise, the crowd, Zemo,” Bucky emphasizes, “like you said.”

“You brought him.”

“I know, I just…” Bucky slumps forward and hangs his head, hands clasped between his knees. He turns pained eyes on Sam and Sam moves his hand from the back of the couch to Bucky’s shoulder. From there to his upper back. From a grounding pressure to a gentle rub. Just a couple times, but he doesn’t pull away, perennially touchy when less than sober. “I don’t want him to control me.”

“He doesn’t,” Sam says firmly. “You were yourself at Selby’s.”

“His version of me. I don’t like the reminder. I don’t want to find out if I’d do it again, in that crowd of people, attack someone just because he told me to.”

“Of course you wouldn’t. I’m trusting you not to.”

“Is that smart?” Bucky asks, expression raw. Sam can feel the heat of his back through his shirt.

“It’s not totally smart. Can’t be, with you involved.”

Bucky rolls his eyes and smiles and Sam wants to cheer.

“I don’t know about that date,” Bucky says lightly, crossing his arms in front of his chest as he leans back into the couch once more. It was a t-shirt under that jacket of his and Sam’s gaze slides to his arms, trying to look without looking. Only because the Vibranium one isn’t on display a lot. That’s all.

“Oh, here we go.”

Sam’s amazed at how his complaint sounds in this room, in this light, on this couch. Like the ceiling, it’s soft.

“It was too loud.”

“The last thing you called a date was a fight on the top of a truck speeding down a highway. Wasn’t exactly quiet.”

“Well,” Bucky tries again, “there were too many people.”

“Again, extra people weren’t a problem last time. Half a dozen Flag-Smashers, as I recall.”

“That was fun and all—”

“Which part?” Sam asks, smiling. “The part where you got hurled into a windshield by the woman you’d assumed was a hostage? Yeah, that part was fun for me too.”

“Can it.”

Bucky accompanies the words with a look that Sam could pick out a mile away as fake-grumpy. It cracks him up and he lifts his hand from Bucky’s back to shove his arm as he laughs.

“You called tonight a date,” Bucky says suddenly.

“No, I said… I said…” Sam squints at nothing as he retrieves his words in his mind. “Date-like.”

“Zemo got in my head and I got in yours.”

Instead of saying this miserably, Bucky looks quietly smug at his joke. Sam needs to set him straight; of course he didn’t think tonight was a date. With a massive bounty on their heads at the other end of Madripoor? With Zemo the third wheel always only an arm’s length away? And the current circumstances are beside the point because, fundamentally, Sam doesn’t know whether or not Bucky’s been joking from the start. Intentionally wrong-footing him, messing with him, like they’ve been doing as long as they’ve known each other.

“You’ve definitely done something,” Sam volunteers.

It’s his fourth drink talking, or maybe the fucking pickled snake organ he forced himself to swallow earlier. His jaw clenches fleetingly at the memory. Sarah’s gonna laugh her ass off when he tells her. Should be enough to balance out whatever ire she’ll be sending his way for that dumb shit he said about laundering money. Although she’ll get that he only said it to avoid getting shot (he won’t tell her how narrow that success was), she still won’t be thrilled that he made himself out to be a criminal. It’s the furthest thing from the kind of people the Wilsons are. He could always point a finger at how Bucky behaved—dropping everyone who ran at him with icily efficient twists and kicks—but he knows how Sarah would look at him, what she’d be thinking. That he and Bucky aren’t held to the same standard, externally or internally. That he talks about Bucky too often, so often that if he let his sister in on this stupid running joke they have about their ops being dates, she’d take it all wrong, think this was something serious and inevitable.

Sam swallows and laces his fingers together in his lap so he won’t reach out for Bucky again.

“I know I should’ve let you in on the plan to spring Zemo from prison,” Bucky says. Oh, he thinks Sam’s words were a subtle criticism, not an admission. That’s… good.

“But?”

“No excuses,” Bucky promises, stretching his neck from side to side. “I shoulda told you. Once I explained it, you would’ve seen that I was right and agreed with me.”

Sam gives the side of Bucky’s head a hard stare until he catches the smirk hiking his lips up on one side.

“Wow,” Sam says dryly, “that was almost you taking responsibility.”

“I take responsibility all the time.”

“The notebook, right?”

“Yeah. Can’t believe Zemo put his fuckin’ hands on something so private, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

“I get that it’s private,” Sam assures him, “but you can tell me shit. If you want.”

Bucky’s folded arms loosen and he shoots Sam a sideways glance that scans all over his face, measuring, cataloguing, computing with that cyborg brain Sam teases him about. Sam blinks back. He means it, and he meant it before when he said he’s trusting Bucky.

“Feels a little one-sided,” Bucky says.

“That’s because you won’t come home with me to meet Sarah and the boys. You already got your invitation into my personal life, you just haven’t used it.”

“We’ve been a little busy, Sam.”

Sam sighs loudly and pushes his sleeves up his arms against the warmth of the room.

“You can make time. Once we’re not on Zemo’s schedule.”

“He was supposed to be on ours,” Bucky mutters. “I don’t know how that happened.”

“It happened because you’re an idiot who didn’t tell me the plan.”

“It’s my fault we keep getting shot at.”

Sam ignores that, the happy looseness surging up inside him battling the gravity of Bucky’s self-pity.

“It’s your fault if you didn’t like the date,” he counters. “You got Zemo out of Germany, Zemo brought us to Madripoor. Low Town, Selby, Sharon—all that happened as a consequence. You didn’t like tonight’s date? That’s on you.”

“Date-like,” Bucky corrects with a sly smile. “The noise and the fighting last time were fine—”

“Were they?!”

“—I just thought the next date should be different.”

Sam laughs softly because this isn’t the first time Bucky’s made this sound like more than a joke, but it is the first time he’s done this at night. And without Sam’s sister and nephews in the next room, or the potential for anybody to drive past them on a country road that runs alongside untidy fields, but when they’re truly alone.

“How so?” Sam asks, heart pumping like the bass in the basement, where the party’s carrying on without the two of them.

Bucky loosens his arms even more, until his forearms rest on his thighs, until—when he rocks to the side, repositioning to face Sam—he can rest one on the back of the couch where Sam’s used to be. His hand hangs down and his fingers skim Sam’s shoulder.

“More private,” Bucky confesses.

“I didn’t know that’s what you wanted,” Sam says with an easy laugh because Bucky’s face is still a little too stern, but that could be self-consciousness. “Tell me how to get more than four stars, man.”

“And you’ll do it?”

“Depends. Try me,” he blurts.

He watches Bucky’s face pinch in then relax, going especially slack at the mouth, which gets closer when Bucky angles into his space. Sam’s fingers release and his back straightens as he shifts to square his body to Bucky’s. They’ve done something like this before, locked into stubborn, confrontational posture when Bucky makes Sam’s life difficult by refusing to go along with what he says, but not this. Not this exactly.

Sam doesn’t stiffen or jerk away, so Bucky keeps coming.

“Are you…?” Bucky asks, eyelashes fluttering as his lids raise and lower, looking from Sam’s eyes to his lips. “Is this…?”

Always talking.

Tilting his head and closing his eyes, Sam stamps his mouth to Bucky��s. He goes to break away after a few stunned seconds, but then Bucky’s hand lands on the back of his neck—warm; not the metal one—to hold them together. Sam meets Bucky’s seeking tongue with his own and feels scruff against his face as their mouths test and react to each other. Reflexively, Sam grips the front of Bucky’s tight, black t-shirt. The kiss is quick and feverish and, when Bucky’s fingers untense on his neck, Sam rests his face against Bucky’s.

He wouldn’t say he’s scared to move, but he’s wary. He can’t tell if they’ve fucked up their whole dynamic or taken it, at last, to a level it was always going to reach. Raising a hand to pat the side of his head and check that his goggles are in place, Sam stops, remembering he won’t feel the strap because he’s not in the air. It’s been a while since he felt lightheaded on the ground.

He clears his throat and draws back. Bucky starts to remove his hand from Sam’s neck, but Sam reaches up to keep it there. He juts his chin out challengingly as he holds Bucky’s eyes, thinking, for a second, of their joint session with Dr. Raynor.

“What’s the verdict?” Sam demands.

Bucky stares back solemnly.

“Four and a half.”

“I’m leaving you here in Madripoor,” Sam declares, pointing a finger down at Bucky’s abruptly and broadly grinning face as he pushes up from the couch.

He strides over to Sharon’s crystal decanters, laughing to himself and looking for water. There isn’t any, but she does have an insulated canister of dissolving ice cubes. Sam scoops a few into a tumbler and turns back to look silently at Bucky. He cups the base of the glass in his hot palm. Slowly, the ice starts to melt.

#my writing #tfatws #tfatws spoilers #The Falcon and the Winter Soldier #Sam Wilson #Bucky Barnes #Sam Wilson x Bucky Barnes #sambucky

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nitw · 3 years

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hey uh i think everyone should check out the sigmund corp franchise please this fandom consists of like 3 people

when i say “sigmund corp”, i’m referring to an ongoing series of HEAVILY UNDERRATED interactive-story rpg maker games by the canadian indie company; freebird games! the 2 main games currently out are “to the moon” and “finding paradise”, and a third installment titled “imposter factory” is scheduled to come out this year. you may have at least heard of the first game, but even if you haven’t, YOU SHOULD PLAY THEM ALL AND I’M GONNA EXPLAIN WHY (without spoilers of course)

setting:

the games take place in the modern world as we know it (but implied to be a bit further into the future), and each game chronologically expands on the story. there are 2 main characters who you control and follow throughout all the games; eva rosalene and neil watts, a pair of scientists from a company known as the sigmund corporation.

their job is to visit people on their deathbeds- specifically old people who were unhappy with their lives/regret that they never accomplished their goals- and use technology to travel through their patients’ memories. by going backwards from their latest to earliest known memories, they can channel their current wish/desire as far back as possible, to try and motivate them to reach their goal in the future. but ONLY in their heads. this allows the patient to die satisfied and happy, belivieving they’ve lived the best life they could imagine!

chapter 1 - to the moon:

eva and neil’s patient this time is an introverted man named johnny, living only with his caretaker and her kids out in a secluded forest, after his wife; river, passed away. his dying wish is to become an astronaut and go to the moon, only problem is that he could never explain why. as the scientists go through his mind and watch his life in reverse, they learn more about his tragic past, and even uncover his most repressed memories, while trying to piece everything together and figure out how to fulfill his dream.

this is the first game in the series, and it NAILS everything it wants to accomplish! the story is gorgeous, sad and amazingly executed, and every character just grows on you.

ya like autism representation?? this game has not one but TWO major characters who are on the autism spectrum, in their very own ways, and it’s MUCH more than just a small detail. it’s an essential part of their roles in the story and it’s PERFECT.

there’s a platypus! and rabbits! LOTS AND LOTS OF RABBITS. trust me all of this is totally plot-relevant.

you can play whack-a-mole!

you can fight a squirrel in classic jrpg style! (KINDA)

you can play plants vs zombies! (LITERALLY)

you can ride a horse!

you can do a sick hadouken! (KINDA)

you will cry.

chapter 2: finding paradise

some time after the first game, eva and neil now have to deal with colin, whose request is even more complicated than johnny’s: all he wants is a happier and more fulfilling life, but with as little change as possible, especially when it comes to his family. colin seems to have had a great relationship with his wife and son, so when a mysterious childhood friend name faye comes into the picture, everything gets more and more confusing. and it doesn’t help that the scientists’ machine keeps jumping back and forth between his childhood and later years.

this game is a follow-up to a smaller, much shorter prequel game by freebird games; “a bird story”, that serves as an introduction to colin when he was a kid. the prequel is NOT required to understand this game, but it’s worth checking out too!!

“finding paradise” uses everything the first game established, and either takes it even further, or twists it around completely. it’s sure to defy your expectations.

there’s BRAND NEW CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION! (NOT EXACTLY)

there’s birds!!!!!!!!

you can become a wizard and levitate a table!

you can fly a plane!

you can turn off gravity!

you can pull the entire solar system towards you with a hookshot!

you can play a jrpg (again), a shoot-em-up, AND a fighting game!

you will cry.

more reasons to play these games, in general:

eva and neil are both very lovable, and their dynamic is the best thing ever. i ADORE their constant friendly jabs at each other. eva pretends to be super professional, but she’s really a massive dork with a massive heart. neil is pretty much the personification of the word “goofy”, but he’s a lot smarter than he appears to be, and secretly has a lot of issues of his own bottled up.

THE GRAPHICS? THE MUSIC? *CHEF’S KISS* GORGEOUS

the stories tend to throw A LOT of questions at you from the get-go, but trust me; everything will make sense eventually, and in that moment you’ll feel SOOOOOOO MINDBLOWN IN THE BEST SATISFYING WAY.

outside of cutscenes, you spend most of the game walking around and interacting with the environment freely. while there ARE some hidden easter eggs, the game always makes sure you know where to go, with a pretty linear layout and helpful notes in the menu. you most likely won’t feel lost or stuck at any point.

these games excel at having just the right balance between intense moments, sad moments, and goddamn hilarious moments! the writing is so good.

they’re pretty cheap indie games!

you will cry.

steam links:

TO THE MOON | FINDING PARADISE | A BIRD STORY

the first game is also available on nintendo switch, and the second one has been announced for it too!

thanks for reading, have fun!!!

#leo.txt #sigcorp #to the moon #finding paradise #imposter factory

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kae-karo · 3 years

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fic writer interview!

i saw @prince-liest do this and thus i will take ur 'tagging anyone who wants to do this' seriously lmaoooo (also hi btw hope ur well!!! 💜💜)

How many works do you have on AO3?

ahaha,,,,,159 lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

fdsjkkjlsfdklj as of today, 2,089,769

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

only three fsdjkldslfkj the phandom (dan&phil), bnha, and genshin!

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

chosen (x) - zhongchi (genshin)

to love (and be loved in return) (x) - kaeluc (genshin)

little bird (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

feet don't touch the ground (x) - xiaoven (genshin)

i knew you were fire (x) - dabihawks (bnha)

honestly none of that surprises me except that little bird is still up there, although i think i owe that to sif (@the-final-sif) for sharing it around the time it got posted since it was partly inspired by her raptor stress grip post!!

the rest are all chaptered fics, which is mostly what i expected to be in the top 5 lmao

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

yes!!! always!!!! no matter what u comment, i will respond!!! and if i don't, it's probably cause ao3 didn't notify me properly or i didn't see it in my inbox or something

as for why, it's mostly to do with like...i know how hard it can be for some people to comment, even just a bunch of heart emojis or a 'i loved this!' or something short and simple? and it means a lot to me that ppl are going out of their way to say something nice, no matter how small, and it's really really important to me to acknowledge that

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

hmm,,,,,this is a hard one, cause for a very long time, my policy was that my fic would always have a happy ending? and for a long time, that was true!! but the dabihawks interaction (during the raid) broke me, and from an emotional standpoint, i think freeing icarus (x) is probably the one that has the angstiest ending of the two or so that i wrote in that time?

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

u know i really haven't written any crossovers? it's normally not my thing cause my brain typically focuses on a single thing and doesn't really have the capacity to think about more than that, so i end up writing just au-style or fusion-style (shoutout to that one bnha but it was scooby doo fic i wrote - x)

i don't think i'd be opposed to writing a crossover but i'd have to be SUPER inspired by the idea and both fandoms lmao

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha yes, i have. the only straight up hate i've received was on a kaeluc fic (surprisingly not because it was kaeluc, but bc i was 'mistreating' kaeya in the fic) - to be entirely fair, the commenter pointed out something that i hadn't realized myself, and it led to a second piece of the story that helped me tie up some loose ends, but...let's just say they weren't very kind about their feelings lmao

other than that, i had someone very upset because i didn't tag which character was bottoming in a fic (valid if that bugs u!) and they read through most of it before getting to the smut (and said that they enjoyed everything up to that point) then said they were 'disgusted' by it. i have opinions on that and a few other comments they made, but i will keep them to myself lmao

and beyond that, just a few ppl on my xiaoven fic saying that they were unhappy about the background kaeluc (which is tagged lmao) - really no hate whatsoever til genshin, honestly, which is...very hmmmm :) lmao

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yep!!! mostly vanilla or vanilla-adjacent lmao i'm not super into heavy kink, although i know if epi reads this she's gonna call me out for being a monsterfucker bc of my dragon!zhongli smut :) lmaoooo but really i tend to write pretty vanilla smut! i also prefer to avoid any noncon/dubcon or hate sex or anything particularly angsty, just not my jam to write!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

hmm i don't think so? although i don't heavily monitor ao3 (or wattpad/ffn), so i can't really say that for sure lmao

Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!! i've had a few fics translated to russian (little bird is one of them!) which is very sweet and i hope that anyone who prefers to read in russian has been enjoying those fics!!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

alksdfjklsdf only once, and it's deadass how me and rose got together. we decided to co-write a podcast au fic for the phandom (x) and ended up flirting via google docs asldkfjkldsfj

What’s your all time favourite ship?

what a horrible question, making me choose between my children like this!!!! sdlfkjdskf tbh i'm not sure i have a real answer bc it changes as i go? and 'favorite' is so vague,,,,,favorite to read? to write about? to think about? asdklfjkjsdfk i really don't know if i have an answer, but i'll maybe say kaeluc for now lmao

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

well first and foremost, with only 2 exceptions, i never post a fic unless it's done. i tend to follow wherever my passion leads my brain, so i'm notorious for jumping around between stories and taking breaks from long fic and returning later on to finish them, and i know that i would not do well under the pressure of posting something unfinished and trying to finish it in a timely manner

that said, many wips sit in my google doc folder, but one is Well Known as the one that has followed me through both the phandom and bnha (rose keeps asking who i'm gonna switch the chars to in genshin, but i think it suits bakudeku too well to do that) - only the lonely survive. it sits at like 36k in my wip folder, and i adore the story dearly and i want very much to finish it, but it never makes it quite to the forefront of my motivation, and so it rarely if ever gets worked on...i hate the idea of 'never' finishing it, but it's unfortunately quite likely that i won't 😭😭😭

What are your writing strengths?

emotion!!! and immersion!!! it's my goal in a fic to make it as immersive as possible and saturated with emotion to help convey that feeling of being in the place of the pov character, and i think i do it pretty well. also just bc i feel a little obligated to say it - another strength is actually sitting down and putting words down. i know that's a struggle for a lot of writers and i often get,,,,lovingly bullied? i guess? lmao for being able to bash out a few k in a day most days

What are your writing weaknesses?

this isn't so much a weakness i guess but i am basically incapable of treating crack fic as crack. if i have a cracky idea, it will, without a doubt, end up turning into a Perfectly Serious fic somehow (notable 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fics include: todoroki doing the freeze-the-ocean thing from frozen 2, 'shmigaraki', todo and denki get together bc of vine references, the league sells feet pics, shiggy and natsu own a nightclub/bakery, scooby doo but make it bnha, and dabi getting his ears pierced at claire's)

but in all seriousness, i think my main weakness is that i often get comfortable? and i'm not one to typically push myself forcefully out of my comfort zone when it comes to stories that i come up with on my own, which often means that ideas inspired by discussions with others are what prompt me to branch out and try new things?

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i think, like anything, it has its place? there are certainly stories where it makes sense to do that and even adds depth to a story, although i personally am not exceptionally comfortable enough with other languages (except maybe asl) to do that in fic myself without the assistance of someone very comfortable with that language lmao

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the phandom! not really my jam to write rpf anymore but it definitely got me started and i'm really grateful for my time writing there, as everyone was super supportive and kind, and it was really a perfect place for a beginner to get comfortable and practice

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

again, forcing me to choose between my children...i really don't know that i can pick one fic bc they all exist in such wildly different spaces? i poured my worldbuilding soul into the king of disaster series (mainly dabihawks - x), exile (dan and phil - x) was my first massively long fic, our hearts are heavy burdens we shouldn't have to bear alone (chayea - x) is probably my favorite character/character dynamic study, i'm exceptionally proud of the smut in chosen (zhongchi - x), the list goes on and on and on lmao like. i could probably list half my fics as favorites in some regard dsflkjdfsjkl

anyway, tyty bellamy for putting this on my dash so i could do it as well!!

tagging: literally anyone who wants to do this, i have so many writer friends slkdjfjklsdf but please please tag me if u do it so i can read urs!!! 💜💜💜

#writing

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achillestiel · 3 years

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the parent trap only works if you’re identical | part five (if this get’s any longer I’m putting it on ao3)

Tag List: @littlerachelbee @imthedoctorlove @deancas-handprint @castiel-loves-dean @wanderermatthews @thelahatiel @priscillahc @mridzyp @multi-fandom-dark-lord @thefantasyfiend @harmonyhelms @imlivingliferightnow @kara-merlin @still-clowning-in-this-house @never-forever-more @continuezmesfilserrants @2musiclover2 @castiels-bitch @stjimmie @cmths5

“Well thank you for dinner but we should probably be heading out.” Dean said towards the end of one of, if not the most, awkward dinner of his life.

“Dad what about dessert?”

“Claire, we need to get going. It’s a long drive back to Kansas.” Dean said, sighing internally because he knew getting Claire out the damn house was going to be hard.

“Dean, don't be ridiculous. You’ve been driving for most of the day.” Cas said. “We have the spare bedroom-”

“That’s my room!” Gabriel interrupted.

“It’s not your room Gabriel. It’s the guest room. You have your own house with your own bedroom.” Cas said, giving Gabriel the bitchiest look Dean had ever seen. That was saying a lot seeing as he’d grown up with Sam. “Dean, why don’t you and Claire stay here for the night? Claire can sleep in Jack’s room and you can sleep in the guest room.” Cas suggested. Claire and Jack grinned at each other and Dean just knew they'd stay up half the night whispering to each other. Or plotting. Most likely plotting.

No. Nope, Absolutely not going to happen in a million goddamn years.

“Cas, we can just grab a motel if I get tired.”

“Dad, I’m not staying in a motel if we can stay here.” Claire said stubbornly. “Plus Jack and I were already planning on making waffles in the morning!” Oh, Jesus Christ. These kids were going to be the death of Dean. And damn if both Claire and Jack weren’t giving him the puppy dog eyes.

“Fine. Fine. But we’re heading out in the morning Claire, I mean it.”

“After waffles.” Claire and Jack said in unison. When the hell did those two learn how to do that?

“Excellent, now that’s all sorted I’m going to head home as Winchester’s stolen my room. All the wine is gone anyways.” Gabriel asked, slapping his hand on his thighs as he got out of his seat

“See you in the morning Uncle Gabriel.” Claire said with a grin as Gabriel patted her on the head, ruffled Jack’s hair and gave both Dean and Cas pointed looks.

“Good night Gabriel.” Cas said, giving his brother a stern look Dean didn’t understand.

“Same to you bro. Good to see you Winchester, try not to keep this madam a stranger.” Gabriel said, nodding towards Claire.

“I’ll try.” Dean said, mainly to placate Gabriel. Gabriel gave them all a salute before heading out. “Nice to see Gabriel hasn’t changed at all.” Dean said once Gabriel had left.

“No, he’s still the same annoying ass he’s always been.” Cas said.

“I like him! He’s invited us to Thanksgiving this year.” Claire said. Yeah that’s not happening. Dean thought.

“I’m going to teach Claire my secret yam recipe.” Jack said cheerfully.

“Ah yes, Jack Novak’s secret yam recipe. Involving two whole bags of miniature marshmallows and a ruined casserole dish.” Cas said, shaking his head but giving Jack a fond look.

“Sounds about as successful as when Claire tried to make apple pie on for Father’s Day.”

“What did you set on fire that time?” Jack asked Claire. Claire could stick her tongue out all she wanted but there were still scorch marks in their kitchen.

“Yes well, Jack why don’t you and Claire clear up while Dean and I have a quick chat. After that, you can show Claire where she’s sleeping for the night. You two can watch a movie in your room.”

“Cool, how’d you feel about The Avengers?”

“Black Widow is a badass.” Claire said. “Rock, paper, scissors for who washes and who dries?” she then asked.

“Oh Jesus.” Dean muttered as Cas motioned for him to follow him. Instead of going into the warm looking living room, Cas took Dean upstairs and into a spacious guest room. The walls were painted a deep, honey colour that matched the wooden furniture perfectly. Unlike Dean’s guest room, which was really a junk room, it was immaculately clean. Dean was about to make a quip about the cleanliness of the room before he stopped. In the corner of the room was the very turntable he had brought Cas for the first Christmas they had been together. Without saying a word, Dean walked over and glanced at the records neatly stored in their storage box. Bob Dylan, Fleetwood Mac and even the rare Otis Reading record that Dean had found at a vinyl fair. Cas had kept all of them. For a fleeting moment, Dean wondered if the note he’d hidden in the Bob Dylan record was still there. A hastily scribbled note saying I wasn't born to lose you. Oh, the irony.

Cas watched with cautious eyes as Dean ran a hand over the box of records. Each one Dean had carefully picked out for Cas in another life. He had battled over getting rid of them for years. Gabriel had always said it was strange to keep hold of them but Cas could have never parted with them. When Jack was a toddler Cas had played all of them for him, smiling to himself at how Knocking On Heaven’s Door would always send Jack to sleep.

“I think we need to have a talk.” Cas said, trying to ease the tension that had enveloped the room.

“Um yeah.” Dean said with a cough as he straightened up, looking away from the records. “Cause apparently I’m cancelling my Thanksgiving plans with Sam to spend the day with my ex-brother-in-law, eating my body weight in mini marshmallows.” Dean said. “Cas...what are we going to do about this?”

“And by this you mean…”

“The kids. There’s no way Claire’s going to just go back to how it was before. Plus, Jack is an awesome kid. There’s no way I want to go back to how it was before. I mean, maybe Jack could stay with me during the summer?”

“And what? I get Claire during Easter? Christmas?” Cas asked, laughing at the absurdity of the situation. “We came up with this arrangement so the kids could live a normal life. What’s going to happen next, I have them for one year and you have them for the other? That won’t work.”

“No shit Cas but...did you see those two at dinner? They’ve only known each other for a few weeks but it’s clear they adore each other. Claire’s gonna be an even bigger pain in my ass after this. I don’t want to break my...our daughter’s heart when we separate them again and I’m sure you dont want that for Jack.”

“Of course I don’t! What do you honestly suggest then because not only did we come to this agreement to have the kids lead normal lives but it was also so we didn’t have to see each other.” Cas said because even though neither of them would say it, they both knew that seeing each other again would end in a huge fight and a lot of sex.

"Then why did you ask me to stay?" Dean asked. Good question Dean, very good question.

"Because it's late and you can't drive throughout the night when you've been driving all day." Cas said. Liar a small voice inside Cas said. As much as he annoys you, you still love him.

"Oh." Dean said in a small voice.

"Why? What do you expect me to say?"

"Nothing...forget it." Dean said. “You know, now that we’re here and I’ll probably never be here again. About that day you packed, why'd you do it? Why did you just hop on a train and leave?”

“Dean.” Cas groaned. “We were so young. We both had tempers, we said stupid things so I packed. Got on the train and you didn't come after me.”

“I wanted to but I didn’t think you’d want me to follow.” Dean said in a small voice. “Dammit Cas, you just had to send Jack to the exact same camp as Claire didn’t you? ”

“We haven’t spoken in twelve years, how on earth was I supposed to know where you were sending Claire for the summer? It might shock you to hear this but I can’t read your damn mind Dean. I didn’t send Jack there because a little voice in my head said ‘Oh Dean is sending Claire to this camp! Send Jack so he can meet the twin sister he never knew he had.’” Cas said. "You are so infuriating, you know that right?”

"I'm infuriating?” Dean asked, looking highly offended. “What about the time you recorded over my Star Trek episode with a documentary on the life of Tomas Jefferson?"

"You have the whole series on DVD! Why did you need to record it off the SyFy channel?"

"You know why! It was the Trouble With Tribbles episode and that was on the DVD that Sam scratched when I let him borrow it!" Dean shot back.

"Well, you set fire to the patio furniture! Don't even say you didn't because Eileen told me it was you and Sam the next morning." Cas said.

"You scratched the Impala!"

"That wasn't me, it was Gabriel. I lied and said it was me because he was already on his last warning from when he spilt red wine on the couch."

"Yeah well, you did break my Captain Kirk mug."

"No Dean, the asinine way you stacked kitchen items broke your Captain Kirk mug."

"Yeah well, you...you…" Dean said and something inside Cas just broke. This man, this irritating and stubborn man had been the love of his life, his husband and the man he wanted to spend this rest of his life with. Twelve years hadn’t changed a damn thing.

"Oh for god sake Dean, shut up." Cas said and even though he knew this was the worst plan in the world, even worse than his non-identical twins switching places, Cas pulled Dean in close, their lips crashing against one another. Oh god, it was like going home after a long trip. Cas knew this, knew it better than breathing. Cas still loved Dean more than anyone else in the history of the universe.

"Cas this is the dumbest-" Dean tried to say between kisses. Frantic kisses that set Cas’ skin ablaze.

"Just shut up and take off your pants." Cas said before his brain could come up with a million reasons why this was a stupid idea.

“What?”

“Dean, shut up and take off your pants.” Cas said before crashing their lips together again in a kiss that was more like a battle for dominance than anything else.

“I can’t take off my pants if you keep kissing me.” Dean said as he pulled away and Cas just groaned because this man drove him so insane but all Cas wanted to do was kiss every inch of his body. "This is the worst idea ever."

"Worse than when you let Jo pierce your lip?" Cas asked. He could still the slight scar on Dean’s bottom lip.

"That was not as bad as the time you wanted to make your own honey."

"One bee flew in the house Dean, one."

"Bees don't belong in a house Cas, they belong in a beehive."

"Are you really trying to start an argument when we're about to have sex?" Cas asked. Thankfully Dean shook his head. "Good, now take off your clothes and get on the bed."

With The Avengers to mask the sound, Claire and Jack sat in Jack’s room as they called their Uncle Sam. After a few rings, he accepted the video call. Grinning at the pair of them with a warm smile.

"Hey kids...man it's weird seeing you two together. How's it going?" Sam asked.

"Awesome. We made chilli and got them to sit in the same room." Claire said.

Well, that's something Eileen signed. So what's the plan?

Plan?

Yeah, the plan. You two are definitely up to something because Claire's involved.

Why do you always think I'm up to something? Claire asked.

Intuition

"Past experience." Sam intoned. "Where’re your dads now?”

“Guest room we think, we heard shouting in there about ten minutes ago.”Jack said. “Something about tribbles.”

“Is he still on about that?” Sam groaned. Just out of view on the screen, Eileen signed something to Sam. He groaned and signed back.

“Hey! Winchester family rule, no covert signing.” Claire said. Sam looked back at her with a classic Uncle Sam Bitchy Face. “What did you say?”

“Ugh.” Sam said. “Fine, your aunt said that if they’re fighting there’s good chance they’ll end up having sex.”

“Ew! Gross!” Jack and Claire said at the same time. “Those are our dads.” Claire said, wrinkling her nose.

“Yeah? And how do you think you two were made?”

“With a turkey baster and a very patient surrogate.” Claire shot back. “Wait...if they do...you know...do gross stuff, does that mean they’ll get back together?”

Going from past experience, no. They’ll just fight and make noises that, according to your uncle, only dogs can hear.

“That’s really gross Aunt Eileen.” Jack said. “As far as a plan goes, we don’t really have one. Come on, we’re twelve. We need help and Uncle Gabriel has gone home.”

“Good, his plan would have been awful.” Sam said. “Look kids, I know damn well that Dean still loves Cas and judging from what you’ve told us, Cas probably still loves Dean. Just let them fight it out, turn whatever movie you’re watching way up and see how things are in the morning. I know these two idiots pretty well, you can’t force them into anything.”

“We can’t play the long game here Uncle Sam. Dad’s making us leave in the morning.”

“After waffles.”

“Yeah, after waffles I’ll be shoved in the car and grounded until graduate.” Claire said. The four of them sat in silence for a moment before Eileen’s face lit up.

Ok I have a plan but if it backfires then you do not get it from me. Claire, do you remember how to disable the battery on the Impala?

“Yeah, I remember...oh...no car means not having to leave.” Claire said with a grin. “Aunt Eileen, you are a genius and never let anyone tell you otherwise.”

“I want no part in this part of the plan.” Sam said hastily.

“Too late Uncle Sam, welcome to Team Parent Trap.” Jack said happily.

#deancas parent trap #deancas fic #destiel fic #castielsbeeslippers #wanderingcas #fic #seriously this is getting longer than i thought it would #i'm probably putting it up on ao3 #deancas #destiel #dean winchester #castiel

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zodiyack · 4 years

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Gut-Feelings

Requested by anon: Hiya there ! Could you please do 19 and 39 from your 2nd prompt list with Tommy Shelby whenever you have the time? Thank you so muchasdfghjkl in advance! Xoxoxo

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Female!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, angst, fluff, violence

Prompt: [19] “Go to hell.” “And leave you here all alone?” [39] He kissed her brow as the world around them burned. “See you in the next life, my love,” he whispered.

Words: 2003

Note: GUESS WHO’S BACK!!! Also I got really caught up in this lmao... hope you like it!

Taglist: @captivatedbycillianmurphy, @stydia-4-ever, @matth1w, @redspaceace, @simonsbluee, @jenepleurepasbaby, @peakysputain, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it

Masterlist | Peaky Blinders Masterlist

He was fucked. And she made sure he knew. Tommy practically had everything a man could desire; a beautiful and loyal wife, a huge house with an equally as huge property, family and strong bonds with them, a fancy car, loads of money, and a child on the way. Not to mention, business was successful as ever, but it apparently just wasn’t enough for him.

Tommy almost wanted to blame Linda for Y/n’s accusation, but he knew she was only telling the truth. They fought, arguing about his choices, but hidden behind her reddened face and daggered words formed with anger, she was terrified. Beyond terrified.

“Thomas! You’re going to mess up, and I’m only telling you beforehand so you find a way to prevent it. And the way to prevent it is to take a b-”

“Take a break? Y/n, we have money, food, loyal allies, and so much more-”

“Yes! That’s exactly why you should stop! And when our child comes into this world, they’re likely to wish for the same thing!”

“And what may that be?”

“Your goddamn safety, Thomas!” He scoffed, walking to his desk and pouring himself a drink as he reclined into the chair. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Yep.”

“I’m worried sick, Tom! It’s not like you have to go through the horror-fueled thoughts of ‘will my husband even come home tonight?’ or ‘will my child be lucky enough to experience life with a father?’ So please, indulg-” He shot up, grabbing her arms and pushing her into his desk lightly. “Let go of me.”

“Not until you calm down.”

“Go to hell.”

“And leave you here all alone?” His smile was cocky, sure he would get her to stop fighting him. But she wouldn’t let him win. She couldn’t.

“You can sleep on the couch tonight. Or, you can indulge me in why you should continue putting yourself into danger.” She ripped her arms from his grip. “Make up your mind by dinner, Thomas.” she spat, giving him one last glare before she left.

As soon as the door slammed shut, Tommy dropped back into his seat with a heavy sigh. He knew she was right, but he couldn’t find it himself to admit such a thing. This work was too much. Far too important. But so was family, and everyone knew that family went first.

Even Thomas.

Tommy gave it his best. He avoided sporting, gambling, and most of the Peaky Business. He turned to working from home, giving him more time with his wife and their new baby boy. She was happy, to say the least, and quite relived.

She told him she didn’t care if he returned to the business, as long as he waited until their child was older and had known him for at least a year or two, and he actually came home to them. Slowly, he was getting back into the business, Guns and fire, however, were postponed.

At least, to Y/n’s knowledge.

“Tommy?”

He grunted from his seat, fag hanging out of his mouth as he carelessly scanned the paper; it’s words of no interest to him. “Yes, love?”

Y/n walked over, sitting on his lap and gaining his attention. His blue orbs dragged all over her form, so small- no- fragile, compared to him. Her hands adjusted his collar, then his cigarette, placing it between her pink lips before putting it back between his. His eyes watched her every movement, fixated on her like he was in a trance.

“I’m feeling a bit drowsy. Would you care to join me for bed?” Her suggestion was tempting, truly, but he had promised he’d meet Arthur at the Garrison. For the work he told her he’d stray from.

“Of course, Y/n.” Setting down the paper and putting out his cigarette, he stood up and rested his hands upon her waist. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

“You’ve made me well aware quite a number of times, Mr. Shelby. However, it’s time for bed. Proving it to me can wait until tomorrow.”

“Whatever you say, Mrs. Shelby.” He pulled her in by his grip on her sides, pressing a loving kiss to her lips. They could’ve stayed like that forever; Y/n wouldn’t mind, neither would Tommy, but he had work to get to.

Picking her up bridal-style, he carried her to their bedroom and set her down on the middle of the bed. He crawled over her, kissing her roughly, smiling goofily to the sound of her giggles. Y/n pushed her off of him, stripping him of his clothes and sliding under the warmth of the blankets.

“Goodnight Tommy. I love you.”

Guilt panged inside of him, knowing he would be breaking her trust, as well as her heart. “I love you too, Y/n. Sleep well, darling.” He allowed her to rest her head on his chest, drifting to sleep slowly as he stared up at the ceiling.

“She know you’re here?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions, Arthur.” He was in no mood to talk about Y/n’s knowledge of his activities, the guilt far too much to bare. “Now, what do we need to do?”

“Nothing. You don’t need to do anything, Thomas.” A familiar voice spoke from the doors. Y/n’s words dripped with anger, hurt, and sorrow. Tommy began to think of how she knew where he was.

Arthur was removed as a suspect, his immediate response once Y/n had entered fully was a simple mumble. “Shit...” Though Arthur told Linda everything, there was no way he told her of this.

“How’d-”

“How’d I found you? Well, you leaving in the middle of the night is kind of hard to miss, Thomas.”

“We’re just getting drinks, love.”

“Don’t lie to me. Either way, you’re not telling me something.” His brows furrowed with confusion, a mocking laugh to escape her lips in response. “You come and get a drink this late at night? There’s something wrong and you refuse to tell me. You’re lying to me and you’re actually doing something else? You’re still not telling me.”

“Y/n-”

“Don’t start.” Arthur cleared his throat, Y/n’s attention switching to him. “And you! You knew I didn’t want him involved for at least a little longer! How could you!” Her voice began to break and her eyes began to water.

“Isn’t this a surprise!” A new voice interrupted their confrontation. The three of their heads snapped to the entrance, Thomas and Arthur exchanging glances with wide eyes full of fear. “Too bad I hate surprises.”

The man, whom Y/n didn’t recognize, snapped his fingers. Two other men came out, grabbing Y/n and dragging her to him, ignoring her squirming.

“You leave her out of this!” Thomas lunged from his chair, only to be pushed back by another man.

“Oh? Is she important to you, Shelby?” The mystery man’s hand came to Y/n’s face, grabbing her cheeks harshly. “She’s a beauty, I can see why you like her.”

Another pair of men walked in, pouring gasoline all over The Garrison as the man toyed with a match in his free hand. The look in Y/n’s eyes as she continued squirming sent a wave of hurt to Tommy’s heart. Just as he was about to give in, offer the man what he’d been after, and idea sparked. And Y/n was the one to thank, as it was for her.

While he was distracted, poking fun at Y/n, Tommy whispered is plan to Arthur, who hesitated- but agreed to initiate it. They would need to time it perfectly.

“Before you set this place ablaze... Let me say my goodbyes to my wife.” His eyes sparkled with amusement, pushing Y/n towards Tommy as he cackled.

“Your wife? Damn, when did gypsy-trash like you get this lucky?” Nevertheless, he turned to speak with the men who were previously holding Y/n. “You have five minutes.”

Tommy nodded, pulling Y/n closer to him. “Here’s what’s gonna happen,” he explained his plan in a soft whisper, leaving out details he knew she would never agree to. “Do you understand?” He took her face into his hands.

“I understand...”

“Good. Now, hurry, kiss me, make it seem like it’s the la-” She pulled him forward by his collar, kissing him desperately, the act genuine.

“Time’s up, love birds!” Y/n was yanked backwards as the men finished pouring the rest of the gasoline. “Now, I hope you don’t mind, Thomas. I’d like to keep her as... well, a little prize. Souvenir perhaps?” He continued making comments, pointless ones at that, until Arthur snatched the match from his hand.

“Now Y/n!” She darted for the doors, but the man’s guards blocked it. The window was her next escape, and luckily, she made it on time. Tommy helped her out of The Garrison’s window.

To her horror, he rejected her offer for escape. “I thought... I thought you said-”

“I only said it to get you to agree.” From behind Tommy, Y/n could see Arthur strike the match and drop it with a grin of success. Her attention flickered back to her husband. Her hands gripped his so hard her knuckles turned white, a newfound race to her breathing.

He kissed her brow as the world around them burned. “See you in the next life, my love,” he whispered. In a blur, Thomas let go of Y/n’s hands and nudged her back slightly before the window shut and locked, preventing Y/n from forcing Tommy to leave with her.

Y/n knocked on the glass as hard as she could, but as the fire spread, Tommy and Arthur disappeared into the smoke. A hand slamming against the window, relief entering her body once she realized it didn’t belong to either of the brother’s, was her cue to leave.

As she ran, her heart felt oddly relaxed. It freaked her out, but somehow, she knew it was right. Her gut-feeling was always right. It was right when it told her not to sleep, it was right when it told her to go to the Garrison, it was was right when it told her to go for the window, and now it had to be right.

The boys had to be alive.

Her gut was always right, and though they had their moments, the boys were smart.

A smile graced her lip, prompting her to run faster. The uneven ground had no effect on her as her bare feet hit the rough surface, shoes left behind at the now burning bar. She kicked them off unintentionally whilst she struggled to escape the men’s grips.

But she didn’t care.

She didn’t care how much the ground would’ve hurt had she walked upon it like this any other day. She didn’t care how cold the night air was, the chill nipping at her nose until it turned pink. She didn’t care about anything except for getting home, butterflies in her stomach as she raced past the folk of Small Heath.

She didn’t care; because Thomas would be waiting for her, Arthur likely sitting next to him on the sofa, soot on the soft material from the two’s escape, a glass of whiskey in both of their hands. She could see it, she could see herself hugging him tightly, the black powder rubbing off onto her skin and nightgown, and her not car

The boys were always a tad bit faster than her, and they had a head start with her hesitation, so she was sure they’d be home first. Despite who would be home before the other, she was ever so determined.

It was like her legs had minds of their own, never stumbling over each other, never faltering, just as eager to get to her family as she was. The wind didn’t slow her either, the cold nips just encouragement to move faster.

Even if she stopped to take a break, which she didn’t, she wore her smile. She wore it without a second thought. She wore it with determination.

She wore it because her gut-feeling was never wrong.

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chooseyouovereveryone · 3 years

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Brittana Analysis Part 1: Musical Choices (Main Songs)

So anyone who knows me will know I love Brittana a crazy amount, and I spend way too much time breaking down every tiny detail about them. I’ve written a fair few analyses about them on Reddit which people seem to enjoy, and the lovely @hopefulobjectmiracle suggested I posted them on here for people to read. I’ll no doubt add more as time goes on, but going to post up what I have for now. If anyone has any requests for analysis, my ask box is always open because I love doing these :) Happy reading! & congrats for making it through my essays.

Part 1 covers a music analysis of all their main songs and the meaning behind them. Part 2 will cover their smaller parts in group songs etc.

Me Against The Music

This one is less a lyrical analysis, because I don't think the song explicitly relates so much, more a contextual one. The Me Against The Music scene is a shared fantasy that Brittany and Santana have while under anaesthesia. What's telling is that the fantasy they have is an exact replica of the original music video between Madonna and Britney Spears, which is well known for it's heavy undertones of a same-sex relationship. The plot shows Britney chasing Madonna, with Madonna becoming increasingly more susceptible as the video goes on, until right at the end when Britney catches her and goes to kiss Madonna, who then disappears. It's a cat and mouse chase, a fight for power. With Brittany playing Britney, and Santana Madonna, this fantasy represents to me the way that Brittany is chasing Santana trying to break down her walls, and she gets close but just as she does so, Santana pulls back. In the original video Madonna disappears into thin air when Britney tries to kiss her, in the Glee version Santana is switched out for Britney, but the symbolism is the same and foreshadows the Brittana arc that we get in S2. Brittany always gets close to having Santana, but then Santana pulls away and at times she loses her. So for me, the significance in this is 1) the fact they both have a same-sex fantasy about each other and 2) how Brittany's subconscious is filled with the idea of feeling like she is chasing Santana but that every time she gets close, Santana is ripped away.

Landslide

This was a song chosen by Santana to tell Brittany how she feels about her. It may not be the most "obvious love song" choice to everyone but that works for two reasons. The first being that Santana was scared. This was a big move for her, so she certainly wasn't going to go all out and sing an obvious love song. She wanted something with subtlety, something with meaning for her and Brittany rather than for the whole Glee Club to pick up on. The second being that Santana "has the perfect song" instantaneously. From the way she doesn't need to think about it, it's clear that Landslide is already a song she associates with Brittany, and it's probably something she laid alone in her room listening to. Now she's ready to share that. It was a song that had meaning for them, but I do think lyrically it makes sense also. For me it's about Santana realising life is passing her by and that she needs to just be herself. Time makes you bolder is one of the most poignant statements in the song. The whole bit about "building my life around you" could be a double meaning. The first being she's built her life around this friendship she has with Brittany and she's afraid to tap into the relationship dynamic because doing so would inevitably alter the platonic side of things. The second being that she's built her life around this idea that she's straight and she's "normal" but she's now realising as time goes by she needs to be true to herself. I tend to think it's the latter, and that the meaning is around Santana realising she needs to let go now and just be true to herself and to Brittany before she wastes any more time. It's ironic that the next scene shows Brittany choosing Artie, which shows that Santana was already too late and the time had already passed her by. (thankfully that all worked out tho)

Songbird

In contrast to Landslide, Songbird is a very obvious love song. The song explicitly says "I love you" and you can tell by Santana's delivery how much she genuinely means that. Since this is a private performance for only Brittany, Santana is able to choose a song that overtly expresses her feelings. She doesn't have to mask it with subtlety because of the Glee Club, like she did with Landslide. While Landslide was about Santana to giving into her feelings and accepting a change within her, Songbird was the next step from that in freely expressing her love to Brittany. Santana says this in her own words before singing it. Some key lyrics beside the obvious "I love you's" that stick out are "for you, there'll be no more crying" which could relate to all the backwards and forwards Santana has done over the years (telling Britt she loves her, taking it back etc.) and times she possibly made Brittany cry, as well as the fact she has probably spent many years crying over this herself and wishing these feelings could go away, but now she's putting a stop to all of that. Following on from that "I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know it's right" relates to Santana giving into all of those feelings that she's spent years pushing down about the love she has for Brittany being wrong, and really taking hold of her own self acceptance. "To you, I'll give the world. To you, I'll never be cold" is also very fitting for Brittana because it's well noted in the fandom how soft Santana is for Brittany, and how she's the one person she's not cold around. Lastly "I wish you all the love in the world, but most of all I wish it from myself" could relate to Artie in that she wants Brittany to be happy but mostly, she wants to be the one that gets to love her. I think we can all agree the lyrics, the meaning, the performance itself, the delivery from Naya were all *chefs kiss* in this song.

Cherish/Cherish

The song that Santana pays the God Squad to sing for Brittany. We don't actually see Santana choosing the song, but I think it's more likely that Santana picked it since she was paying for it, rather than the God Squad randomly picking one. If it was that kind of scenario where they picked for her, I feel Quinn would have picked the song, on the basis that it was meaningful for Brittany and Santana's relationship. I also imagine this is a song that Santana listened to back in the dark days when she was too afraid to be with Brittany in the way she desired. The lyrics talk a lot about wishing in the past tense. "you don't know how many times I've wished that I had told you, you don't know how many times I've wished that I could hold you" etc. These are likely all the kind of thoughts that Santana had back in the past, and there are also a lot of references to hidden love and hidden feelings within the song.

If I Can't Have You

Okay so Santana might say that this song was about her love for fame, but I'm sorry, I don't believe her. I'm not discounting her wanting fame, but there's no way at least some of that song wasn't aimed at Brittany, just by the way she kept turning to her and gesturing at her. She was pretty much transfixed on her throughout the majority of the performance. But Brittana (Santana in particular) are generally very private with their relationship and in their declarations, so my theory? It was predominantly for Brittany but Santana got embarrassed around all the focus on them, so she gave the excuse about fame and told Brittany later who it was really for. No deeper analysis needed. If that song was Brittany, the lyrics apply to them easily, as they could with most relationships.

I Wanna Dance With Somebody

This one is simple. It's all in the lyrics. Mr Schue sets the assignment not only as a tribute to Whitney, but for the New Directions to express and explore what's going on with them. For Brittany, she just wants to dance with somebody who loves her, that person obviously being Santana. It's highlighted in the performance and how she pulls everyone up before Santana, and finally gets to Santana for the "with somebody who loves me" line, then at the end where she says Santana is her favourite to dance with. It could be that dancing and being happy with Santana is really her only concern at the moment, or it could be deeper than that. It could be that she is deflecting her deeper issues (the fact she is failing which she'd surely know by now) and as a result only wants to focus on dancing with Santana. The two loves in her life (the third being LT) meshed together and combined.

Mine

I did a whole deep analysis on the meaning behind this, because unlike the other songs this really doesn't fit contextually at all. It's a love song based around staying and holding on, and Santana chooses to sing this right before breaking up with Brittany. I never really understood that song choice, until I looked deeper into it. You can read that here if anyone wants to read it in more detail. If you don't want to read that though, in short, I think that Santana chose that song because when she made that choice to break up with Brittany, I think she can almost picture the future ahead of them and how eventually they are going to make it, they are going to be together, but right now she needs to break up with Brittany so that they actually get that happy ending that she can see. And that fits the whole last verse of the song where she's like "we're gonna make it now, I can see it now" etc, which otherwise doesn't make sense contextually when you're about to break up with someone. It's similar to what happens in the original video for Mine, where Taylor meets the love of her life in a cafe and she "sees" the whole future ahead of them (arguments included) as soon as they meet.

Make No Mistake (She's Mine)

Pretty self explanatory with this one because it's all in the lyrics (and the amazing delivery from Naya). She still loves Brittany and in her eyes Brittany belongs with her. It kind of links back to what I just said about Mine, in that I don't think Santana truly expected Brittany to move on. She told her she could because essentially she had to say that, but did she actually think Brittany would move on? I don't think so. I think she always thought breaking up with Brittany was needed to cement their future and that they'd end up better because of it, but then Sam put a spanner in the works which sent her straight back to Lima to fight for Brittany and stake her claim. Of course saying someone can move on and seeing it are two very different things. I really wish they would have kept the parallel version of that with Brittany/Santana/Elaine and that they kept Dancing On My Own in.

Valerie

This one is definitely more contextual than lyrical. Santana picked this number because it was meaningful to Brittany. It was the first number she choreographed, and so Santana learning Brittany's part of that routine and dancing it with Mike, was a way for her to spark something in Brittany that she was currently lacking and reignite her love for dance to remind her of herself. Clearly she chose to do a dance duet because it's Brittany, but it's poignant that she picked the first song that Brittany choreographed, and it was obviously meaningful to Santana too as her first solo. Although more contextual, the lyrics do carry meaning too. "Stop making a fool out of me, why don't you come on over Valerie" could refer to Santana wanting Brittany to get up and dance with her, while "I miss your ginger hair, and the way you like to dress" could relate to A) Santana missing Brittany in general and B) Santana missing the old care-free Brittany who loved to dance and wasn't consumed by MIT and math equations.

Hand In My Pocket/I Feel The Earth Move

Obviously this song was chosen for mash up purposes in line with artists they had to stick to, but I do think the song choice (chosen by Santana) were relevant to her proposal. The lyric "one hand in my pocket" is indicative of her hiding a ring. I really liked how Santana kept getting down on one knee mid performance (I feel like she was doing this teasingly to foreshadow what was to come rather than she was gonna propose mid song since clearly she had a big speech planned- but I love how every time she did it Brittany would get down as well ) and then all the further foreshadowing with the dragging of the chair that she wanted Brittany to sit in. It's not the most "romantic" of duets, but Brittany and Santana are very private so I feel like it made more sense for them to do a fun duet when it was in front of everyone. I do adore the bit where they're singing the "ooh baby when I see your face" etc. and they only have eyes for each other and look so utterly and adorably in love and happy. That bit really has my heart.

Wishin' and Hoping'

A song about Santana from Brittany's perspective which makes a welcome change. The performance itself is obviously a dream sequence when Brittany is thinking about heaven (because being with Santana makes her feel like she's in heaven and angel wings remind her of her ), but I think the lyrics fit well with the whole narrative we see in S6 of Brittany doing a heavy bulk of the wedding planning and trying to make sure everything is perfect for Santana. This is something we later see as causing her stress in the wedding episode, when she is so nervous and obsessed with it being perfect that she becomes a bit of a bridezilla obsessed with superstition. There were also cut lines from Brittany about everything having to be perfect, and though they weren't canon in the end, it's clearly the angle they were going with. This song links to that because it's all about how ultimately just being yourself and showing the person you love that you care is enough, and it almost foreshadows the conversation that Santana later has with Brittany where she says they don't need any of the traditions or the perfect planning because they create their own luck. They love each other, and that's enough. The performance has Brittany singing about wishing and hoping and planning, but it's Blaine, Artie and Sam who sing "all you gotta do is hold her and kiss her and love her and show her that you care", so it's almost as if they are assuring Brittany. Also pointing out the part of the performance where they sing about planning, and Brittany points at her stomach, one of many S6 clues put in there to hint that Brittana will have a family together in the future ❤️

Our Day Will Come

It's another straight forward one that doesn't really take much analysis. It symbolises how the day has finally come for them to get married and start the rest of their lives together, after such a long, hard journey getting there. One of the key lyrics is "no one can tell me that I'm too young to know", which indicates that someone has tried to tell them they're too young to get married. We know that Kurt said this to them, but since Kurt is singing in this duet with them and he apologised, it may be someone else. Santana's dad maybe? Either way, whoever said it to them, they show in this duet that they are certain about their commitment and the future ahead of them. The song also has the lyrics "I love you so, and you love me" which is repetitive of what Santana said to Brittany earlier in the day before they got married when she saw Brittany in her wedding dress. It symbolises what the ending of their whole arc is about. That after a whole lot of doubt, pain and a long road to get there, they are both finally happy together and content in the love they have in each other, and very proud of that love. Santana in particular I feel always doubted Brittany's love for her. Even when Brittany said yes to marrying her, Santana couldn't believe it. On their wedding day, all those doubts are finally gone, and it's actually Brittany who's doing the worrying. The worrying that Brittany does takes us right back to the beginning of Brittana, when Brittany had her own doubts and fears in the relationship because Santana just seemed like something out of reach for her, that she'd never fully get to have. It's like she has a moment of panic, that something could mess this up the way it used to get messed up all those years ago. Our Day Will Come symbolises the end of all of those doubts, and the start of their new lives together.

#brittana #brittany and santana #brittanalysis #brittana analysis #glee analysis #santana and brittany #santana lopez #brittany pierce #glee santana #glee brittana #glee brittany #brittanypierce #santanalopez #brittany s. pierce #glee songs #brittana songs

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ibelieveinahappilyeverafter · 3 years

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Boku no Hero Academia - Safe In My Arms

I apparently only wrote two drabbles for my Patreon in 2020, but given the state of the world at the time, I hope I’m forgiven for that. A new year is here, however, and that means last year’s writing can now be seen by all of you! If you want to see more stories like this before next year, then consider pledging to my Patreon!

Fandom: Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Characters: Yamada Hizashi | Present Mic, Shinsou Hitoshi

Rating: Teen Audiences

Summary: Present Mic runs one of the biggest radio shows in Japan and it's common knowledge that his phone is firmly turned off during broadcasts -- except for the numbers he allows through. When one of those numbers calling is a familiar student, Hizashi knows that his night is about to get a lot more serious.

Word Count: 2,239

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“Goood evening my dear listeners! Welcome to another show of Put Your Hands Up Radio! here with your wild and favorite pro hero Present Mic as your host! Tonight, for those of you who remember our last show, we’re talking all about Quirks! Rare quirks, weird quirks, creepy quirks, villain quirks, hero quirks and everything in between!

“So grab those phones, get our number ready to go, and call in with questions, stories, and your wildest quirk-related memories. And remember, we here at Put Your Hands Up Radio! are not responsible for any slapping, hitting, punching, kicking, and-or screaming that happens if you rat someone out on live air. Choose your victims wisely, dear listeners, and remember that this show broadcasts to all of Japan.

“First, though, we’re gonna start things off like we always do by rocking and rolling! Keep those hands of yours up and those cheers wild as we start the night off right! Here’s Telecaster Stripes by POLKADOT STINGRAY!”

Yamada Hizashi, better known as the Voice Hero Present Mic, couldn’t stop his grin as he flicked the right switches in order, killing his mic and switching on the first song of the night all without even a second of dead air. The music filled his headphones and studio in a heartbeat, Hizashi feeling something in him relax as he was right where he belonged — well. As he was in one of the places where he belonged.

Looking back to where his sound engineer was keeping everything in order in the booth, Hizashi grinned and slipped his headphones off, rolling his chair over to tap on the glass. The unamused look he was given was wonderful, truly, “C’mon, Suki-chan, it’s another beautiful night and we get to stay up through all of it and make as much noise as we want!”

Takada Suki, his first radio intern turned sound engineer turned unofficial manager of the station flicked the switch that would allow him to hear her. “Aizawa-san said to take your medicine after your introduction.” Before Hizashi could lie and say he forgot it, Suki was holding up a familiar, hated bottle. “He dropped it off when he, unfortunately, dropped you off.”

“Hmph,” Hizashi grumbled, rolling over to open the door that led into her side of the booth and catching the bottle of pills and water she then threw at him. “Remember when you were still starstruck and feared me? Can’t we go back to that?”

“I wasn’t starstruck, I was horrified that my boss was someone who was barely out of school. I was also afraid we’d go under and I wouldn’t get my credits for class.” Suki was smiling anyways, Hizashi snorting as he took his stupid medicine and then rolled back into his side of the booth, song starting to come to an end.

Ready to put himself back on air, Hizashi froze as he felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket and that… wasn’t good. Hizashi always muted his phone during his shows and only a few calls could even get through — and those that could call would know better than to call during a live show unless…

Hizashi raised his hand, looking at Suki and waiting until her attention snapped towards him, “Possible emergency. Take over and play the first set list and say we’re sorting through the stories sent by email to start with.”

“Yessir!” Jerking off the headphones he had only just put on, Hizashi stood up and dragged out his phone and felt his heart stutter at seeing the caller ID of Shinsou Hitoshi. “Welcome back to Put Your Hands Up! radio and, yes, you might have noticed I’m not your wild and carefree Present Mic, but that’s okay because we’re gonna keep the party going until he gets back! Come on, listeners, I wanna be able to hear your rocking all the way from here! We’re kicking things off with-”

Hizashi didn’t waste a heartbeat in answering, immediately heading for the door to get some silence, knowing the show was in good hands with Suki. “‘Toshi? Hey, what’s up, kiddo? Is something wrong?”

Shinsou Hitoshi had been training with Shouta for almost half a year to get into the hero course and to say the two were stupidly fond of the kid would be putting it lightly. The fact that they were starting to talk to his caseworker about possibly being put into a different foster home, well, Hitoshi didn’t need to know that part quite yet. It was a surprise, after all.

The problem was that Hitoshi never called. He texted, sent videos, sent photos of stray cats, and used emojis more than Hizashi ever did, but he didn’t call. The fact he was calling now during the middle of his show? It couldn’t be anything good. The problem, though, was that Hitoshi wasn’t saying anything. All Hizashi could hear was soft breathing over the line before he had a short heart attack at having his phone buzz against his ear.

“Hitoshi? Kiddo? Hey, are you there? Is everything alright?” Hizashi prayed to everything out there that it was just an accidental dial of his phone. “‘Toshi?” It took two more buzzes before Hizashi grit his teeth and checked his phone, ready to be annoyed but instead frowning at seeing incoming text messages from Hitoshi.

Pulling them up, Hizashi frowned at the messages, a mess of typos that spoke of shaking hands and the message that Hitoshi was outside of the station in the right alleyway and he… didn’t know where else to go…

Feeling his heart stutter to a stop for an eternity, Hizashi was running before he could even think the action through, bursting through the front doors of the radio station and ignoring anyone who tried to get him to slow down. It felt like too long before he was skidding around the corner to see Hitoshi curled up on the ground with his head tucked between his legs. The kid was holding on limply to his phone and Hitoshi could see tremors running through his shoulders.

“‘Toshi? Hey, kiddo, it’s me, Hizashi.” Approaching slowly and careful to make noise so Hitoshi would know exactly where he was coming from, Hizashi knelt in front of him. A quick glance showed that there, thankfully, didn’t seem to be any broken bones. His clothing was crumpled and torn in some places, but nothing that screamed of an outright villain attack. There weren’t any blood trails either, so that at least meant he hadn’t suffered any blood loss.

Hanging up his phone and shoving it away, Hizashi carefully and slowly rested a hand on Hitoshi’s shoulder, not surprised when he felt the teen tense up even more. It hadn’t taken a genius to see the kid’s past screamed of abuse. Leaving his hand there, Hizashi frowned as Hitoshi didn’t relax. If anything, he seemed to get even more tense, which was…

They knew Hitoshi didn’t live in a good home. It was one of the reasons they were talking to his caseworker because Hizashi knew, and he was certain Shouta did too, that it had been a long time since the two had seen Hitoshi as just another student. Hizashi wasn’t surprised that, due to all of that, he felt ready to scream at something with how his nerves felt like they were being shredded.

What he wasn’t prepared for, however, was his years and years of experience and battle instincts screaming at him that something was wrong. Hizashi had long ago learned to not doubt his instincts.

“‘Toshi, you have to tell me what’s wrong,” Hizashi said quietly — quietly, but firmly. Whatever was going on was more than just a bad fight with his family or some neighborhood kids being pieces of shit. If it was the former, Hitoshi would have called Shouta after finding a safe place to hide away. Running all the way to the radio station and then calling Hizashi on air, however? That was a desperate scream for help. “You can sign it out, if you need to, but I need to know-”

Few things in life made Hizashi speechless. As a talkative child, a hero who was known for his voice, and a man with a radio show, there was hardly a time, if ever, that Hizashi found himself rendered speechless.

Seeing a child he was beginning to see as his own with a rusted muzzle locked around his face, well… That did it.

Hizashi was, once again, barely aware he was even moving before he found himself pulling Hitoshi close to him, fumbling with the straps of the fucking muzzle with his phone dialing and on speaker beside him. Hizashi had already cut open at least two of his fingers by the rusted fucking metal by the time the call connected, Hizashi hearing the familiar voice of Shouta’s Hero Agency secretary, “Hello, this is-”

“This is Yamada Hizashi, known as Voice Hero Present Mic calling in for an emergency. Please contact Eraserhead and have him call me as quickly as possible.”

The secretary, a former student of theirs who knew them both rather well, didn’t say a word before the call was ending, Hizashi swearing as he finally managed to break the straps, sliding the muzzle off of Hitoshi’s face before throwing it against the brick wall with as much force as he could throw into it. He made a mental note to go back and find it later so he could turn it into scrap metal.

“Why.” The word was quiet. It was quiet, but it was harder and sharper than Shouta’s scarf could ever be. It wasn’t a question, though, and that knowledge alone had Hizashi wanting to just scream. “Why do you even care.”

They were bitter words. The words were soaked in years of pain and torment and Hizashi caught the barest glimpse of his kid’s face. Razor thin cuts lined his jaw and cheeks, blood welling up along all of them. Tears mixed in with the blood and it had to be so painful, but the look on Hitoshi’s face could only be called wrathful. Hizashi didn’t blame him.

Sitting back for a moment, Hizashi stared at Hitoshi, a terrified kid who met his gaze without even flinching. There were a million things he could have said, but Hizashi knew that not a single word would get through. Hitoshi was as stubborn as Shouta, after all, but, that was good. That meant that while words might not work, actions would.

Slowly, so slowly, Hizashi took Hitoshi’s hand. When the teen didn’t jerk away or try to fight or yell at him, Hizashi lifted the hand to his own cheek. He could see Hitoshi’s confusion and wariness, but Hizashi merely shifted the hand until fingertips brushed against old, faint scars that were a reflection of the ones in front of him.

Hizashi could see the moment it hit, Hitoshi’s eyes growing wide as he pressed against the faded muzzle scars on Hizashi’s own face. It felt like an impossible task, but Hizashi finally managed a small, genuine smile.

“This may not explain why I care, but it might help to start explaining it,” Hizashi said softly, watching as Hitoshi’s shoulders shook. This time, it wasn’t in fear. “The muzzle… it was from your foster house, wasn’t it?” Because those people were not his family and Hizashi would never let Hitoshi call that place a home.

Hitoshi, instead of verbally answering, only stared at him with wide, terrified eyes. He wasn’t denying it, and Hizashi knew well enough what that meant. “Oh, Hitoshi…” For a moment, Hizashi couldn’t help but let some of his own bitterness sneak in, “Voice quirks can be seen as pretty dangerous, huh?”

It wasn’t even a second before Hitoshi was in his lap and hanging onto him tightly, Hizashi returning the grip and tucking Hitoshi close. He had always planned on telling Hitoshi about his own childhood one day, but god if this wasn’t the worst way to do it. As far as he was concerned whoever wanted this kid would have to pry him out of his cold, dead hands.

The sound of a familiar ringtone had Hizashi snatching his phone and answering without even looking at the ID, shoving the phone between his ear and shoulder as he tucked his kid closer, rubbing at Hitoshi’s back. “Hizashi? What’s wrong?”

“Call Hitoshi’s caseworker as soon as your patrol ends,” Hizashi said quietly, giving a soft, peaceful hum of a tune as he felt Hitoshi’s breath start to hitch. “I have a feeling our request is going to be approved as soon as you do.”

And he knew that wouldn’t be the end of it. He would have to tell Shouta exactly what had happened, he needed to find out exactly what had happened from Hitoshi, and he needed to get Hitoshi home where it would be nice and quiet and safe. There was definitely going to be all kinds of paperwork, and he would have to explain his absence from that night’s show, but…

None of it seemed to really matter when he heard Hitoshi, breathing uneven and hands shaking, manage a whisper-soft, “Thank you.”

“Always,” Hizashi responded, closing his eyes for a moment. There would be work to do, but for now his son was safe in his arms.

Hizashi was going to make sure that never change.

#boku no hero academia #bnha #erasermic #present mic #shinsou hitoshi #implied/referenced child abuse #my writing #my patreon #original

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verobatto · 3 years

Text

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCVIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

The Mirror

(13x09/13x10)

Hi there!!! We are here today to talk about Mirrors. A very known Destiel mirror in the fandom: Claire and Kaia and and Patience as a switch mirror between Castiel and Jack.

The One that Walks between Worlds

Episode 13x09 starts with Jack and the Dream Walker.

That scene recalled me to Constantine movie scene in which Keanu put his feet in water and takes a cat, because he said Cats where a portal between this world and the after life dimension.

Well, Jack is the cat her, he's the portal between worlds and also, he's a resume of all of them himself: HELL/HEAVEN AND EARTH.He is Light and Dark (that's why Amara ended up being part of him).

We jump into the scene with Sam and Dean. Dean asks about Cas because we have Asmodeus calling them using Castiel's voice, they don't suspect nothing.

Then, Dean calls Patience, but the girl doesn't answer.

She's under his father's commands. Just like Castiel was with Heaven, but she's receiving Dean's calls, as Castiel did, and she will end up answering and rejecting his father plans for her.

Not Just we have a Castiel mirror here, but also Jack: because we will see him interacting with Lucifer in this season, listening to his plans for him. And Jack will end up following his heart, and rejecting all of those plans.

Visual Narrative

There's a quick scene when Sam and Dean parks Baby in front of a painted wall.

This was something that @gneisscastiel explains magnificently in this meta here.

The wall had this drawing...

Pic credit: @lets-steal-an-archive

Berens delivered us an episode in which an artist (the Dream Walker) painted the different worlds he had dreamt. And now, we have this wall here, the writer wants us to pay attention to it: As it was described by @gneisscastiel, the blue wings represents Castiel, in front of the huge number of yellow birds (angel) as if they were being guided by the kid (Jack in blue) and Castiel back to Heaven. The Restoration of Heaven. Wich was what happened at the en of the show, and what I suspect, intended to be one of the main plots in season 15, that see the light properly, just in a few words said by Bobby to Dean in Heaven.

Playing with mirrors: Patience, Jack and Castiel

To continue with this game of switching mirrors, we hear Jack saying this to Sam and Dean:

Jack: You don't... I'm– I'm doing this for you.

If this is not. Cas mirror, I don't know then heheh.

It was the excuse Castiel gave to Dean on seasonn6 in their first break up. As if that could justify go into the dark side. Well, Jack won't go into the dark side in a way Castiel did turning into Godstiel, but he will be souless in season 14 Wich will be a huge problem.

There's another visual element with an image of Jesus Christ crucified, which always was a reference for Jack, as the Savior, the Messiah.

Another thing to point out is Dean in soldier mode, focused, just like Cas is about Jack. This is important because that's the idea Dean will express to Castiel in a future.

And back to Patience...

Patience: You raised me to do what's right, and this is what's right. If I don't go, people will die.

This could be taken the moment Cas decided to fall and how Jack will take his decisions, based on what his new family will teach him.

And then Kaia...

Kaia: I mean, you picked the wrong bait. I'm not the kind of girl folks come for. In this world, I don't even rank a milk carton. No one is gonna come for me. I'm not white, rich, blonde. No one's gonna fight for me. I don't matter.

This point of view full of sadness and depression, is related with Castiel in season 12. There's patrons in Kaia behaviors that reminds us to Castiel in season 12, where we had his death. And that's because Kaia will repeat Castiel's ending in the next episode.

Repeating the ending of season 12

Episode 13x10 starts with Claire hunting, but also Jody calling her by the phone saying this:

JODY (on the phone with CLAIRE)

They were on a hunting trip and I haven’t heard from them in a few days. It’s time to come home.

A recalling to episode 'Pilot'.

But let's focus in Kaia and Claire relationship:

At first it's a kind of enemies to friends trope, just like Dean and Castiel.

When they're talking about their scars, Kaia reaches out her finger to touch Claire's forehead. Just like Cas does when he heals Dean. But the symbolo of talking about their scars, is related to Destiel too. How one broken man with too many scars found love and comfort in a broken angel with his own scars too.

KAIA: You’re scared.

CLAIRE:

Yeah. Jody always said I’d get myself killed, hunting, and I’d be like, good. If I’m going to go out then that’s how I want to do it, doing something great. But Patience’s vision… It’s one thing thinking that you’re going to die but actually knowing it? For once a part of me kinda just wants to sit back and let Jody handle it, you know? Stay safe. But Sam and Dean saved my life and I can’t sit this one out.

KAIA: Then don’t. If you go, I’ll go with you. Maybe together we can save them.

Kaia talking about her own death is a blatant mirror of Dean and Kaia saying "I'll go with you" is Cas. As a demonstration of his devotion and incondicional love towards the hunter. And, of course, loyalty to the end.

Kaia supposed dead it's similar to Castiel's. With a rift to another world involved.

But also the trope: two lovers separated by a rift to two different dimensions, is just how Destiel ended up in 15x18.

To Conclude:

Wauwards Sisters had en entire episode and one prelude because the idea was to make a spin-off with their story which, sadly, never saw the light.

But the repetition of the Destiel tragedy with Kaia and Claire, giving them a very romantic atmosphere, and the Berens admitting that was written to be a Destiel mirror, is another evidence that Castiel dying and suffering as he suffered was because he's in love with Castiel.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wan to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 12 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII

Buenos Aires, January 31 2021 2:21 PM

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willowbird · 4 years

Note

Congratulations on reaching 100 followers!!! A little WolfStar drabble about the first time they hold hands romantically would be lovely. <3

Ahh thank you so much!! And thank you for requesting some adorable WolfStar. I’ll admit I am ancient and it’s been about 15 years since I’ve actually written any WolfStar that anyone can see so I hope this still jives with the fandom and I hope you enjoy!!

---

Remus slipped as silently from his bed as possible, grimacing at the chill of the stone floor against his bare feet. James had stolen all of their rugs for some kind of scheme that Remus was sure they’d all regret later, and he wasn’t wearing any socks because he hated the feeling of them catching on the sheets as he attempted to get comfortable at night. As such, even when he did wear socks to bed, he usually ended kicking them off in the process of settling in.

This wouldn’t be an issue, but for the incredibly annoying (and annoyingly repetitive) occurrence of Sirius stealing his slippers -- a rather redundant action, considering he had been the one to purchase them for him last year for Christmas.

He thought he was so clever, the slippers being shaped like wolves and all. Then of course he decided to take himself for a thief and swiped them regularly for his own use.

As the slippers weren’t where Remus preferred to keep them in front of his nightstand, that meant that they were probably being held hostage by the nefarious dust bunnies lurking under Siruis’s bed. Unwilling to risk waking the other boy by rustling the drawn curtains of his four-poster, Remus opted to dig his socks out of the tangled blankets of the foot of his bed.

Two minutes later, Remus was sneaking quietly down the stairs. He bypassed the cozy armchairs by the dimly smoldering fireplace and held his breath as he crept past the study tables where two fourth-year girls had passed out atop a smattering of books, quills, and bits of parchment. Remus could see ink smudged on one of the girls’ cheeks from where she’d taken an essay as a pillow. If he wasn’t attempting to be stealthy, he might have slipped over to them to either nudge them awake and send them off to bed or at least snoop to see what class they were about to be behind in.

As it currently was, however, he did not want to wake them, so he curbed his curiosity and inched toward the portrait hole on sock-muffled feet. He got a whole six more steps before a quiet sound behind him had him whipping around.

“Sneaking off without me, Moony? I’m wounded.” Sirius was kneeling on the cushion of his favorite chair before the fire, arms folded over the back of it, his cheek cradled in the crook of his elbow. The tilt of his head and the position he had arranged himself in meant that only one devilish dimple teased from the corner of his mouth. Remus’s heart didn’t particularly seem to notice the lacking, considering it had instantly switched from the jolt of alarm to the familiar stutter of Merlin-be-damnd swooning the second he caught sight of him.

With all the suave and distinguished eloquence he possessed, Remus said, “Uhh...”

Sirius chuckled, a low and warm sound that reminded Remus of the crackling of the hearth and the fizz of butterbeer tickling his nose. Then the other boy stood from the chair and as he rounded it Remus’s eyes were drawn down to the happy-looking wolf faces on the slippers currently warming the other wizard’s feet.

Remus narrowed his eyes, lifted his gaze, and glared.

Sirius paused and damn him and those big brown puppy dog eyes and sheepish smile -- but Remus would not be swayed. Those were his slippers.

“Why did you even get me those slippers if you were just going to steal them all the time?” he hissed, keeping his voice low even as he cast a quick glance over at the two fourth-years. One let out a small snore; the other appeared to be drooling. Remus really hoped it wasn’t Transfiguration homework.

“No changing the subject,” Sirius chided quickly, changing the subject because apparently, he could set the rules and then also ignore them -- prat. “Where were you sneaking off to at...” he paused and looked up at the lion-faced pendulum clock on the mantel “...two o’clock in the morning?”

Remus sighed. He knew it was no use to argue with Sirius now, especially not as he could see the shadow of concern behind his mask of amused curiosity. A couple of weeks ago, he still might have tried to brush it off. He’d have fidgeted and shrugged, dodging around the subject until Sirius got the truth out of him or gave up for the moment.

Except... well, things had changed, hadn’t they? He and Sirius were... well, he wasn’t really sure what they were. No, that wasn’t true. He knew they were friends. But... they were also... more. That night in the forest had changed things between the two of them and just because they hadn’t exactly sat down and talked about it didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.

“Remus?” Sirius spoke his name quietly, drawing him out of his thoughts.

He offered a small smile and shrugged. “Sorry. in my head again. I just couldn’t sleep.”

“So you were going to... what, wander the castle on your own?” Sirius looked skeptical.

Heat touched Remus’s cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I was gonna go down to the lake, just to sit for a while, get out of my head a bit.” With the exception of the first day of term when the first-years were brought across the river on the boats, the boathouse beneath the castle was all but abandoned. Remus used that exit to get out to the lake, sitting at the edge of the narrow pier or walking the strip of ground against the castle to an old stone bench dedicated to some long-gone wizard whose name was mostly eroded away.

“In your socks?”

Remus scowled at him, which only made Sirius grin.

“Sorry,” Sirius amended through a chuckle before sobering. He gestured toward the fireplace with a nod. “Come sit with me instead? It’s cold out there.”

Remus felt warmth returning to his cheeks as he looked from Sirius to the fireplace and the various chairs and couches around it, then over to where the two girls were still snoozing on their homework.

“They aren’t waking up anytime soon,” Sirius said when he followed his gaze. “And we could sit on the small couch. I mean... if you wanted to.” The small couch had its back to the study tables. If the girls did wake up and look over, they wouldn’t see anything.

NOT THAT THEY WOULD BE DOING ANYTHING.

Remus was blushing so hard he felt dizzy and was only slightly mollified to see that Sirius was also tinged pink. Except, of course, that Remus thought Sirius’s blush was really, incredibly adorable so that didn’t really help matters.

Needing to move things along so he didn’t stand there any longer making a fool of himself, Remus cleared his throat lightly. “Y-yeah,” he squeaked. Then coughed and tried again a half-octave lower and closer to a normal speaking register for a sixteen-year-old boy as opposed to a nine-year-old girl. “Yeah. Sure. Good. Let’s yes. I mean, let’s do this. That. Not that we are doing anything! I mean--”

He stopped abruptly as Sirius reached out and grabbed his hand.

All the breath froze in his lungs as the whole world narrowed down to the warm weight wrapped around his fingers. Sirius looked about as surprised as he felt, but after a moment, instead of pulling away, Sirius adjusted his grip so that their fingers interlocked. His expression smoothed and he took a small step forward.

“It’s okay,” he said quietly. “I know. It’s... we don’t have to talk about it. But... will you sit with me?” There was a rawness in Sirius’s voice that pulled Remus out of his own head and the echo-chamber of his own pulse resounding between his ears. He really looked at Sirius -- looked at him and saw the dark eyes with the faint shadows under them, the slightly pursed lips, the traces of tension in his proud shoulders. Worry, hope, fatigue, and a tremulous vulnerability that Remus wasn’t sure he really showed anyone else.

Something inside Remus unlocked and relaxed. He squeezed Sirius’s hand and offered a small smile as he nodded. “Yeah. I... I would like that.”

Remus got to watch some of that tension fall off the other boy’s shoulders, got to watch the warmth seep into his eyes even as both dimples winked out to tease him now. Sirius tugged on his hand and Remus let him lead him over to the couch and pull him down beside him. The whole time, Remus was incredibly aware of the heat that was Sirius’s hand in his -- like it was an anchor of light tethering him to a secret universe only he and Sirius had access to. He’d known Sirius since his very first day at Hogwarts and over the years they’d probably held hands a hundred times over -- running from various bits of trouble and playing games and doing things as friends do them -- but this time... this was different.

Sirius held his hand, but it felt like he had his fingers right on the pulse of Remus’s heart.

When they were situated on the couch, side by side, Sirius still didn’t let go and Remus didn’t want him to. He squeezed lightly, and Sirius squeezed back. Then, after a moment there was a gentle weight against his arm, followed by the tickle of Sirius’s hair against his neck as his head found a pillow of his shoulder. Remus’s lungs tightened and his heart skipped. Then, making a decision, he let himself relax against the cushion. He let himself melt back and sink in. He let himself tilt his head in turn so that his cheek rested on the loveably tousled mess of Sirius’s hair.

They sat there as the fire quietly crackled and dimmed, neither speaking but neither needing to. All they needed was to be there, together -- shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand.

#asks #wolfywordweaver #wolfstar #hp marauders era #100 followers #my writing #omg its been 15 years since i've shown anyone anything i've written for this fandom #i really hope it doesn't suck #adorable hand holding #midnight cuddles

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s-creations · 3 years

Text

Return the Flames - Chapter 7

All at Dead Bird Studios knew of Amos' (The Conductor's) ability. How the owl could suddenly erupt into flames if angered enough. When the studio first opened, Dominic (DJ Grooves) was told that Amos had his ability under control. Nothing to worry about. No possible loss of anything from an open flame.

A few years later however, and that control seems to have lessened to a dangerous degree.

It should have just been a simple, week long drive to fix the problem. It really should have been.

Dominic should have asked a lot more questions and should have been prepared for a twist ending.

_________________

Fandom: A Hat in Time Rating: General Audience Relationships/Pairings: The ConductorXDJ Grooves Warnings: Eventual depictions of violence, slow burn relationship, named characters, attempt of an accent, being hunted down, a race against time (sort of).

One good thing to hold onto, during this troubling time, was that both directors had their wallets. Even after being flung around in or flung out of the crashing car. They were able to purchase the needed items and rent a car from the larger section of the town. Back on the road within two hours.

“I’ll be honest, I don’t think I’m up for driving all day.” Dominic remarked, a yawn escaping him once completing that sentence.

“Do ya need me ta take over in a few?” asked Amos.

“If you’re up to it. But I have a feeling we're both in need of an early night.”

“Do ya think that’s a smart idea?”

“We can’t not sleep Amos.”

“But we just got away from our new, unwanted stalkers.”

“I think they’ll also need time to lick their wounds. As well as try to figure out which way we might be going next before getting to our final destination. At the moment, we have the upper hand.”

“Ya seem ta know a lot about this.”

“I’m just using rational thinking. Now, you get some sleep. I’ll wake you in a few to decide if we need to stop or not.”

“Dominic…”

“I’m alright,” the penguin gave a gentle smile, “I’m not dealing with an ‘illness’ that could possibly... Just sleep Amos.”

The owl didn’t have enough energy to put up a fight, finding himself curling in his seat and falling asleep. His head resting against the window. His ears twitched feeling something run through his feathers. But he didn’t let it bother him, sleep claiming him quickly. When he woke again, it was Dominic gently shaking his shoulder. The sun was just beginning to set. The car was parked outside of a motel. The penguin already holding a key for one of the rooms.

“...I thought ya were gonna wake me when we were gonna switch.” Amos muttered.

“You know that was wishful thinking that you would be okay to drive. Come on.”

They shuffled into the room and claimed their own bed. It was a simple room, with only the basic needs and nothing added in the way of decor. Both directors just happy that it was actually clean. As they laid there that familiar awkwardness settled in between them once again.

Normally, Amos would have claimed space in the ice filled tub. Letting himself embrace the cold to keep the flames at bay. Now, however, he didn’t feel the fire attempting to release itself. Amos didn’t need the ice nor did he want to sleep, too uncomfortable to relax. So, here he was. Sitting across from an exhausted looking penguin that went from being a rival to someone Amos needed to rely on to survive.

“So…” Amos hated how quiet it was. Not even the neighbors were making any sounds.

“We’ll need to find an ATM tomorrow,” Dominic answered, “Keep using money to keep our trail as cold as possible.”

“Won’t usin’ the machine call attention to us?”

“I really hope not. But we’ll need to take the risk in order to make sure we have enough.”

“Fair point… How much do we have now?”

Dominic pulled his wallet out. “I have...32 dollars. You?”

“Even 40…” Amos pulled the phone’s directory towards him, giving it a glance before grabbing the phone. “Ya aren’t allergic to anything, right?”

“Right.”

“I’m in the mood for pizza.”

“...You know what, sure. That sounds good.”

“What do ya want.”

“Anchovies.”

Amos visibly blanched at that answer. "Of course.”

“Oh, and what are you going to have, Mr. Connoisseur.”

“...Pineapple and ham.”

Letting out a laugh, Dominic shook his head. “Well then. Aren’t we just two special cases.”

“Hush. Ya want a drink.”

“Yes, please. Do you think they have bread sticks?”

“Hold yer horses!” Amos laughed weakly, “How much money do ya think we have?”

“Enough for bread sticks.”

Amos fully laughed at that, Dominic joining in with his own chuckles. “Fine, we can get yer peckin’ bread sticks. Ya needy bird.”

“Just for that, I’m not sharing.” The penguin playfully huffed. He grabbed the remote, turning on the television and started flipping through the channels.

Amos merely rolled his eyes as he ordered. As they waited, they found a channel playing classic movies, each taking turns telling small stories from their childhood. The rest of the evening was spent reminiscing on their personal favorite movies and shows. Lazily eating away at their carb heavy meal. It was rolling close to midnight when Amos passed out.

Even with how exhausted he felt, stomach full and feeling warm, Dominic couldn’t follow the owl’s example. His mind was still buzzing with the thoughts and fears that had combined from the beginning of this trip. He honestly felt as if he was living in one of his movies. Except with a lot less music, which was discouraging. Someone, a government agency apparently, wanted Amos gone. Like, completely gone. Because he was apparently ‘dangerous’. Became of some ability that Amos never asked to have.

Attempting to get comfortable, Dominic rolled onto his side facing Amos. Without the constant pile of ice that hid him, Dominic was able to get a better look at the passed out owl. Which was honestly amazing with how much Amos had slept that day.

He had kicked the sheet and comforter away. Creating a sort of half nest of fabric around him. Amos himself was curled into a ball, arms covering his face. His top leg occasionally twitches in his sleep. A soft ‘thump’ was heard from time to time, Dominic realizing it was Amos’ tail moving. The penguin could only hope that the other director’s sleep was peaceful.

Dominic let out a slow sigh as he watched Amos sleep. This trip was supposed to be easy. A way to help Amos relax and not have to stress so much over what was happening to him. Now, they had an unwanted parasite following them around as a constant reminder of Amos’ affliction. And it angered Dominic. He was stressed, Amos was stressed, and this was a situation neither of them saw arising. They needed a break. A vacation away from their ‘vacation’. Just time to sit back and breathe.

He wasn’t sure when he started to drift off, his mind was still racing with how to make this better. But as the clock hit midnight, Dominic fell asleep. The answer he was looking for appeared a few days later.

“Amos, look!”

The owl was pulled from his thoughts as Dominic’s excited call. “Hmm, what?”

“We’re coming up on a fair!”

Amos frowned and turned his attention back out the window. Sure enough, there were signs lining along the side of the road. A large structure seen off in the distance.

“And? What do ya want ta do about that?”

“Aren’t you curious? A small town fair, it could be fun!”

“I- what? Did ya forget, we’re kind of on the run?”

“And we’ve been on the move for two days without incident. I’m stressed. You’re stressed. Let’s go enjoy ourselves!”

“Are ya crazy?”

“When was the last time you went to something like this?”

Amos squirmed in his seat. “Never.”

“What?”

“Never been ta one. Ma didn’t have the money and now I don’t have the time.”

“Well, now we’re making time.” Dominic answered simply as he pulled into the field that was functioning as the parking lot.

“Are ya serious? You’ve lost it! We’ll stick out like a sore thumb here!”

“In the middle of absolute nowhere, who’s going to care?”

“As a Moon Penguin and a deformed owl, two species of birds that don’t live anywhere near here? Yes, people are going to care!” Amos sank further into his seat as they parked. “Dominic!”

“Come on Darling, I want to have a day to look back on this crazy trip and enjoy something about it. And not just think about the chaos that was brought from this.”

“The pizza last night wasn't enough?” The side look with the raised brow was enough of a ‘No.’ that Amos fell quiet. He remained quiet and allowed himself to be pulled from the car. Ears flat as they joined the cue to purchase tickets, eventually joining the fair crowd.

It was loud. Children screaming with glee as they rushed from attraction to attraction, parents frantically following. Mechanical noises from the nearby rides and vendors created a cacophony of bangs, whistles, and screeching metal. Beings of different sizes and species shouting at each other trying to be heard over the noise. The smell in the air was a mix of grease and sugar.

“What do you want to do first?” The penguin looked around.

“Ya pulled be in here.” Amos growled, ears still down in disagreement.

“Conductor, Darling, this is for us to both enjoy! And you’ve never been to one of these, so you need to get the full experience. Meaning, you need to pick what we do first.”

“What I need is for us ta get movin’.”

“Let’s start with the food then.”

“Are ya even listenin’ ta me?” Amos snapped as Dominic merely walked into the crowd. Following without much choice and not wanting to be left behind, Amos huffed as he started after the penguin.

It was as a plate of fried dough topped with powdered sugar was pushed into his hands did Amos really start to question what was happening. While the penguin was known as the more social director out of the two, this still seemed a little out of character. Dominic wasn’t one to push problems away. And they were in the middle of a rather large problem. So why would he very blatantly act as if they were on some sort of actual vacation?

Lost to his confusion, Amos didn’t put up protest as he was pulled along. Dominic more than happy to take the lead through the different fair activities. Seeming to hit every one of his favorite spots that brought up a different childhood memory.

They were always doing something. Eating, taking in the sights, on a ride, conversing. Amos even forgetting a few times that they were supposed to be on the run. That his clock might be counting down to his final breath.

Then, it hit him. As they were exiting the ‘haunted house’, laughing hard at the terrible acting and Dominic started in on another story, that Amos realized he was relaxing. Even more so, he felt...happy. Nothing like when he was caring for his family or winning another award. It was as if he was content with just being himself for a while. A feeling Amos couldn’t remember having for a long time, if ever.

All because Dominic had demanded that they stop.

The penguin was unaware of the look of absolute adoration the owl held for him as they entered into the gaming area.

“Do you feel skilled enough to take these on?”

Amos was pulled from his stupor when Dominic gestured to the line of booths holding numerous carnival games. “Nah, I know better. I’ve heard how these games are rigged ta make ya lose.”

“Oh, such an owl of little faith.”

Amos raised his brow as Dominic made his way towards the nearest booth. Giving a shrug, the owl merely followed, joining the other as the penguin paid to play. The booth had it’s back wall filled with small, inflated balloons. The attendant handed over a bundle of five darts before standing to the side, hiding among the plushies that lined the side.

“Are ya tring’ ta prove somethin’?”

“Possibly. Now hush and watch.”

Letting out a snort, Amos leaned against the booth to watch the display. Holding one of the five given darts, Dominic cautiously took aim. The owl was planning on making some smart comment when the first dart was let loose. Fully expecting for it to be ‘a swing and a miss’. Only to have a resounding ‘Pop!’ as the dart hit it’s intended target.

“Ooo, one of five. Amazin’.” Amos recovered quickly, smirking seeing Dominic’s face go sour.

“Just keep quiet.”

He would never admit it, but Amos was impressed. Even more so when Dominic actually won two more rounds.

“Wonderfully done sir!” The booth runner said with a wide smile on his face. “Feeling lucky?”

“Absolutely Darling.”

“If you win one more round, I’ll let you pick one prize from the very top row. The best of the best I have to offer.”

“Well, how could I refuse such a challenge. I’ll happily accept.”

“Okay, now yer gonna lose it.” Amos remarked.

“Would you just let me enjoy myself.”

“Fine, don’t grumble to me when ya lose.” The owl stumbled slightly when Dominic hip bumped him. “Watch it.”

“You watch it.” Dominic countered before getting back to the task at hand. It seemed even the small crowd of people couldn’t distract the penguin as he held another clean sweep.

“Very impressive!” The booth attended called out, starting out the round of applause from the crowd. “Wonderful show, good show! Go ahead and claim your prize.”

“You impressed?” Dominic leaned over to Amos as he gestured to the stuffed plushie he wanted.

“That ya were able to cheat the already cheatin’ system? Sure, if it make ya feel better.” Replied Amos with a smirk.

“I’ll still count it as a victory then. Here.”

The owl was surprised when the won plushie was trusted into his hands. It was a star shaped pillow. The fabric was fuzzy, Amos running his hand along it, the texture soft. Realizing it felt similar to Dominic’s feathers. The design of said fabric was that of space. Inky black with swirls of pink, purple, and blue creating a galaxy. Spots of white designed to be the stars dotting the sky.

“Sorry, does it hit kind of close? We can exchange it.”

Amos realized he’d remained shocked and silent, hand resting on the pillow. “Ah, no, it’s fine. I want ta keep it. Thank ya…”

“No one’s given me anything before.”

Why was his heart beating so fast?

Dominic smiled (which did not help Amos’ already frantically beating heart) and led the other away from the booth. “It’s a sort of some unspoken law that you need to leave the fair with at least one tacky item.”

“It’s not tacky.” Amos quickly defended, startling the penguin.

“...I’m happy you like it.”

“So...now what do we do?”

“We have one more task to complete before we can leave.”

“Alright. Ya lead the way then.”

With the plush tucked into the crook of his arm, Amos helped in carrying the feast of food Dominic started buying. They departed the fairgrounds proper, arms filled with food, as the sun began to set. Dominic led the way up a nearby hill and only stopped when they reached the very top. The penguin set up the food in a sort of circle, all within reach for both birds to enjoy.

The sun had almost disappeared behind the horizon when they finally finished eating. Amos lying on his back, stomach full with the plush resting on his chest. Dominic was next to him, eyes scanning the sky.

“Shouldn’t we be leavin’?” The owl asked.

“We well. We’re just waiting for the final event.”

“Havin’ us gain 10 pounds wasn’t the final thin’ ta check off?”

Dominic laughed. “No. This was just a last hurrah of fair food until next year. But...it’s probably dark enough for it to start.”

“It?”

“The show, Darling.”

Amos’ question fell away as a familiar sound filled the sky before a firework went off. Painting the sky and ground a vibrant red. Now, Amos had seen fireworks before. But only on set. As props for his latest movie he would have been working on. Watching them without having to set it up, or worry about something going wrong, it was far more enjoyable. Amos even sat up as he became further engrossed with the show.

He felt Dominic shift next to him, sitting up as well, the penguin shuffling closer. Amos didn’t argue as he was gently pulled to lean against the other. An arm casually wrapping around Amos’ waist comfortably.

Dominic smiled seeing Amos’ tail swaying, ruffling the grass it was resting on.

It was worth delaying their travels for this moment of peace.

“Thanks Dominic…”

“...You’re welcome Sweetheart.”

#A Hat In Time #discotrain #the conductor #dj grooves #s-creations #fanfiction #ahit conductor #ahit dj grooves #Multi-Chapter

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pruinesce-a2 · 4 years

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META: TODOROKI FUYUMI + COMPLEX PTSD.

this meta is gonna probably going to heavily reference child abuse and domestic abuse, so please don’t read if you’re vulnerable to those topics. i used a read more but i don’t think they’re working. ON TO THE META

complex ptsd ( c-ptsd ) generally develops as a result of chronic trauma, over months or years, most often experience throughout childhood; it’s rare ( but definitely not unheard of ! ) that it will develop in an adult, because, as the article i’m going to pick apart states, “ when an adult experiences a traumatic event, they have more tools to understand what is happening to them, their place as a victim of that trauma, and know they should seek support even if they don't want to. children don't possess most of these skills, or even the ability to separate themselves from another's unconscionable actions. the psychological and developmental implications of that become complexly woven and spun into who that child believes themselves to be -- creating a messy web of core beliefs much harder to untangle than the flashbacks, nightmares and other posttraumatic symptoms that come later. ”

emotion regulation. “ survivors with c-ptsd have a very difficult time with emotions -- experiencing them, controlling them, and for many, just being able to comprehend or label them accurately. many have unmanaged or persistent sadness, either explosive or inaccessible anger [...] they may be chronically numb, lack the appropriate affect in certain situations, be unable to triage sudden changes in emotional content [...] it's also very common for these survivors to re-experience emotions from trauma intrusively - particularly when triggered. these feelings are often disproportionate to the present situation, but are equal to the intensity of what was required of them at the time of a trauma -- also known as an emotional flashback. ”

the first things that stand out to me here: fuyumi easily fits the criteria of unmanaged or persistent sadness, but what really catches my eye is the concept of inaccessible anger. the boys very clearly fall under explosive anger, but fuyumi ... is seemingly never angry. it's a common point of contention in many posts i’ve seen about her; that she’s not reacting the way she should as a victim of abuse, that she “undermines” her brothers’ trauma by wanting to forgive her father. first of all i shouldn’t have to remind the fandom that she, too, is a victim of that abuse but it’s also entirely untrue that she’s disregarding her brothers because she even canonically identifies that she feels the same way they do - she identifies that yes, she is angry, yes, she understands they’re well within their rights to be so. but unlike them, this anger is ... far away. fuyumi, physically, emotionally, cannot bring that anger to the front. it’s frustrating for her, too.

i also want to point out the last sentence in this point: emotional flashbacks + the phrase “ what was require of them at the time of a trauma. ” an important thing to note is that often times, throughout fuyumi’s experience with these events … she’s the level-headed one. she’s the calm one. she’s the one mediating. this isn’t a new behavior - in an effort to mitigate her father’s abuse, this calm, peaceful nature is what these traumatic events have required of her, and as such, when anything begins to show potential for going wrong, she reverts back to this behavior.

explosive anger + disproportionate intensities in a certain situation definitely apply to natsuo; see the way he gets so angry over seemingly minute comments. touya / dabi is just. all over the place w/ this one he’s in all of it

difficulty with self-perception. “ in its simplest form, how they see themselves versus how the rest of the world does can be brutally different. some may feel they carry or actually embody nothing but shame and shameful acts - that they are "bad". others believe themselves to be fundamentally helpless; they were let down by so many who could've stopped their abuse but didn't [...] many see themselves as responsible for what happened to them [...] and, countless others may feel defined by stigma, believe they are nothing more than their trauma, worry they're always in the way or a burden, or they may sense they're just completely and utterly different from anyone or anything around them - they are alien. startling as it is, all of these feelings and more can live inside someone whom, to you, seems like the most brilliant, competent, strong, and compassionate human being you know. ”

she holds herself partially responsible for her father’s abuse - this is ALSO outright stated as canon, as seen here and here. the idea of helplessness, and particular bringing in the idea of learned helplessness ( thank u @/unsighty for pointing that out ) is ALSO very important to note here ... note in the shifuku page she says, “ i couldn’t do anything for shouto. ” both fuyumi AND natsuo also probably struggle with the idea of being a burden ( that neglect says hello ! ) / being in the way, too.

i also really like this note about how these feelings can be present in someone labeled “ brilliant, competent, strong, and compassionate ” ... because that’s exactly what fuyumi is seen as.

interruptions in consciousness. “ some may forget traumatic events (even if they knew of them once before), relive them intrusively, recall traumatic material in a different chronological order, or other distressing experiences of what is called dissociation. dissociation is a symptom that exists on a spectrum, ranging anywhere from harmless daydreaming or temporarily "spacing out"; to more disruptive episodes of feeling disconnected from one's body or mental processes, not feeling real, or losing time; all the way to the most severe, which includes switching between self-states (or alters), as is seen in dissociative identity disorder. episodes of missing time can range anywhere from a few minutes, a couple days, or even large chunks of one's childhood. The larger gaps in time are typically only seen in did, but those with c-ptsd alone can still endure 'interruptions in consciousness' that result in memory gaps, poor recall, traumatic material that is completely inaccessible, or, conversely, re-experiencing trauma against their will (e.g. flashbacks, intrusive images, body memories, etc.). ”

while this is definitely a symptom we see more of in shouto ( my boy is dissociating 24/7 ) , fuyumi experiences it sometimes as well. memory gaps, poor recall, and particularly re-experiencing trauma applies to fuyumi here - i think by and large she deals with intrusive imagery; i.e., while she’s in the kitchen, if she hears shouto nearby, or sometimes if she hears the kettle whistling / crying on the tv, she gets a flood of memories of shouto and her mother on the floor in the kitchen.

i think dabi can definitely be HEAVILY attributed to the idea of these losses in time, disconnecttions and self-states - and like with fuyumi, he definitely experiences intrustive imagery. we see that here, i think.

difficulty with relationships. “ this refers more to a survivor's potential to feel completely isolated from peers and not even knowing how to engage, to harboring an outright refusal to trust anyone (or just not knowing why they ever should), trusting people way too easily (including those who are dangerous, due to a dulled sense of alarm), perpetually searching for a rescuer or to do the rescuing, seeking out friends and partners who are hurtful or abusive because it's the only thing that feels familiar, or even abruptly abandoning relationships that are going well for any number of reasons. ”

fuyumi, first of all, definitely struggles to know how to engage with her peers. she’s outgoing and clearly a people person - so it’s often a question why she’s so nervous and struggles to make relationships and ... well. here’s why.

i don’t think fuyumi outright refuses to trust anyone, but there is intense hesitance and unsureness, particular for certain groups of people: men, people who are much taller & bigger than her, people who have some kind of fire affinity / ability, and people who are loud. the idea of perpetually searching for a rescuer, or to do the rescuing ... while typically you might think she falls under the former ( and i think she does, in a way. fuyumi never talks about her trauma, but her concept of love ties into this - someone who can take her away from her father, someone who has the power to do that? someone who is unafraid of him, or someone that he has no hold over? yeah. looking @ kenta n nishiki w this one ), fuyumi also searches to do the rescuing. once again i’m referencing this page - “ she became a teacher to compensate the fact that she couldn’t protect her younger brother. ”

i’m also pointing at the “dulled sense of alarm” - in my canon, fuyumi, for example, went out and put herself in the way of danger and met with less than savory contacts in an attempt to find information on dabi, once she got the inkling he might be touya.

obviously shouto and natsuo also have this urge to rescue, and dabi doesn’t trust anyone.

the perception of one's perpetrators. “ this can be one of the most insidious battles for some survivors with c-ptsd -- even if it seems crystal clear to those on the outside. victims of such prolonged trauma may eventually surrender, assuming their abuser(s) total power over them, possibly even maintaining this belief once they're 'free'. "i'll always be under their thumb, they call all the shots, they may even know what's best for me more than i ever will." others may feel deep sadness or profound guilt at just the thought of leaving them - including long after they've successfully left, if they were able. some may remain transfixed by their abuser's charming side or the warm public persona that everyone loves; it may feel truly impossible to think ill of them. many hold a constant longing for their abusers to just love them - craving their praise well into adulthood, slaving away in their personal lives just to make them proud. alternatively, there are others who may obsess about them angrily, holding only hatred and disdain for them to the point of persistent bitterness and/or vengefulness. some can even stir desires to seek that revenge. (though, it should be clearly noted that it's not at all common for them to actually do so. It's more about the thoughts than the actions.)

many survivors can have a primary, more surface-layer set of thoughts and feelings about their perpetrator(s), particularly when asked. they may know what they're "supposed to say" or "supposed to feel", and then follow suit. but it's helpful to know that a collection of all these responses can, and often does, coexist within one person, vacillating between extremes underneath what's shown to the world or even to themselves. day to day, and year to year, their feelings may shift - and - what the survivor knows to be true intellectually versus what they feel emotionally may remain incongruent for a very long time. ”

OKAY SO. THAT’S A BIG ONE. THAT’S A LOT TO READ. but i think it’s very, very important to fuyumi’s reaction to her trauma, and also to the fandom misconceptions of her. fuyumi clearly is very attached to her father. there’s no denying that. and the particular sentences that stand out to me here are “some may remain transfixed by their abuser’s charming side or public persona” and “they know what they’re supposed to feel”. i’ve said continuously that her father being a hero, and one so well-known and praised at that, has HEAVILY affected her views of him ! as a child fuyumi conflagrated his public persona as the “real” him. she struggled with this...... idea that his violence + aggression were a kind of "fake" version of him - aka "that's not the real him", "he's not always like that", "he used to be a lot nicer", etc. etc. and it’s only as she got older that she moved away from this line of thinking, though she still catches herself with it now and then. and, of course, fuyumi only ever wanted his attention and praise. she worked tirelessly to please him, trying to get him to come to her skating competitions, getting top marks in school, attending todai, always having dinner on the table in spite of her obligations.

it’s also so important to note the second paragraph in this section. fuyumi knows she should be enraged, she should want nothing to do with him, but that’s just ... really difficult for her, i think, especially when unlike shouto and natsuo, she remains in that environment. so there’s this disconnect between her desire for his love + making him proud, to defend him, to make their family “whole” again vs. the knowledge that she shouldn’t want anything to do with him.

natsuo holds that persistent bitterness, and dabi definitely wants revenge so um. yes. next point

one's 'system of meanings'. “ of the many, many well-observed developmental disruptions those with c-ptsd face, one that many find to be the toughest to conquer [...] is what's referred to as one's 'system of meanings' ; an area that, after being subjected to such tumultuous trauma, can feel almost irreparable. what this criterion is referring to is the struggle to hold on to any kind of sustaining faith or belief that justice will ever be served to indiscretions of ethics and morality. these survivors' outlook on life and the world at large can be unfairly contorted, and understandably so.

they may doubt there is any goodness or kindness in the world that isn't selfish-hearted. they may worry they'll never find forgiveness. others may even believe they only came to this world to be hurt, so there can be no good coming for them. this level of hopelessness and despair, as well as these greater meanings assigned to their suffering, can fluctuate greatly over time. there may even come several years where things no longer feel so bleak or as though they were conned of a meaningful life. but, as more layers of trauma are processed in therapy, or new memories bubble to the surface, they may wrestle with it once more as new feelings strike a devastating chord inside their chest. this is a common experience for so many survivors, and can have lasting ramifications with each plunge. ”

this point is, clearly, much more extreme in her brothers. shouto’s aggravation at being reprimanded for breaking the law when it meant doing good; natsuo’s clear resentment of heroes; and this one is, of course, most prevalent in dabi. see: “ the struggle to hold on to any kind of sustaining faith or belief that justice will ever be served to indiscretions of ethics and morality, ” or “ they may doubt there is any goodness or kindness in the world that isn't selfish-hearted. they may worry they'll never find forgiveness. ” LIKE HELLO. the hatred of heroes, the idolization of stain. SCREAMS DABI

i think fuyumi’s ‘system of meanings’ is ... much less disturbed than her brothers’ ( COUGH DABI COUGH ), but there still is some disruption there. by and large, fuyumi still believes that the good in the world outweighs the bad - but the disruption in her belief is also going to be that the hero system is a falsity, it’s a sham, it’s glorified and she inherently dislikes the concept of heroism.

so anyway. i’m upset hbu

#✲ \ 𝚃𝙾 𝙸𝚂𝙼𝙴𝙽𝙴 ‚ meta.#head empty FUYUMI ONLY !!!#abuse //#child abuse //#domestic abuse //#ask to tag //#long post //

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