#also i haven't read this over and i refuse to read it over bc i haven't written a gdmn thing in 6 months probably

[backwaterheroics]

"Wanna make out?" — Kunsel, deadpan.

bro, you do not have nearly enough FP ☆ @vctlan & @sentmail

He has these dreams. And not always when he's asleep--so from one waking moment to the next, he is someone else - the scenery has shifted, and he is no longer in control. Do you remember the picture that we took? He is absent from himself and his limbs are numb, fingers tingling, vision blurred around the edges and tinged a ghostly blue, a sickly green. Static clings in his ears, a never-ending crescendo buzzing and buzzing and buzzing.

Sometimes he sees himself as he was, a little gangling spitfire or a half-built ghost, a puppet. Sometimes he knows it's all fabrication. It's been getting easier to tell the difference, between one cracked and precious memory and the little tabloid fragments of what the little toy soldier in his past used to paint a picture of their life. Sometimes it's something else, a monster under the bed in the dead of night. Bones in a closet, rattling and moaning and crying. How can there be any meaning in the memory of such a being?

This one is in the middle. It's a magazine cutout and an encyclopedia entry. It's having his hair ruffled and an arm slung around his neck to bring him and a real SOLDIER closer together. It's C'mon, guys! Kiss and make up! I am not having my two best friends fight all day. In this house, we love and respect each other, alright? He would do anything for that arm around him again, anything for that voice to be real.

Caraças, that's so corny, why'd you have to say it like that? but he agrees. It's Zack, it's always Zack.

And he's small and weak and neither of them should even be giving him the time of day, but he's not a coward.

His lips taste like cocoa and ash.

Cloud wonders if he remembers that. Cloud can't even say any of it is even real. So much of before is lost to him, he relies on other people and their accounts to make sense of his own. So the stolen moments, the private ones.. they've all been washed away in the tides.

Things that aren't his get shoved in boxes, tucked away and meant to be forgotten. He has no right, especially if they're real. He'll never know if they are. Parts of him now never see the light of day, and he is too scared to expose any of it to someone else. In case it is real. Because then—-Then.... Not even given a number.

Sometimes it's the feel of a sword twice his weight and heavy in his hand, but light in the air and power rushing through his veins. Other times it's a weightless drift of motion for moments known only by sense memory. In waking moments, he knows he's never been there. He's never seen this or that, never done such and such thing.

Well—-he hasn't, right?

He wasn't a SOLDIER. So how could he know the exact layout of the SOLDIER floors in the Midgar ShinRa tower? Why can he remember an alcove in between the junction of some junk offices and meeting halls, where he pressed a body high and hard against a glass window? Muscled thighs tight against his waist, muddy boots hitting his back. Rough, cocoa lips and the light waft of blood because missions were never perfect. A frantic rush of relief leading to hearts finally finding a steady rhythm, equilibrium in the push and pull of there and back.

Coming down from that manic high, the relief. Leaning against each other, happy in that momentary safety. Kunsel's forehead pressed to his collarbones, arms hanging low and draped about his hips, his helmet clanking against his ankle.

Then the flashes fade and Cloud can't shove this one in a box right away. He's still feeling even though he shouldn't, like he's not supposed to. You have no right—! The pressure of Kunsel all around him. The feeling of security.

He wishes, maybe. He wants that too, those feelings. All of a sudden, he can't remember the last time he felt like that, like he was being sheltered, safeguarded. But that's just his problem, isn't it? Remembering.

He forgets. He forgets a lot. He tries to remember. Leaves himself notes. Keeps dutiful logs and excuses it all away by saying he just likes to be organized. It's nice to run a self-composed delivery company. No one can tell him what to do or how to do it, and he never really needs to make excuses for writing so many things down.

But here they are, circled back to a similar orbit and this time there's no one there to knock their heads together and force them to get along. What kind of question--?! Kunsel is going way off script, off road and not even on any kind of designated trail. Or, maybe he's just messing with him — but they don't operate like that with each other either. At least, Cloud didn't think they did. None of his notes have ever said they did.

And, well — Cloud doesn't mind kissing his friends. A bit of affection here and there never hurt anybody, but he and Kunsel are not friends. He's not even sure if they've even approached that sort of territory. Completely off grid!

"Y'ain't my type," he mutters. But he knows exactly how their lips would slot together, how his hands would feel about his face or on his shoulders, through his hair. He has to clear his throat before he can talk again, not quite able to look Kunsel in the eye anymore, arms crossed over his chest. The bar fan overhead creaks in its lazy rotations. "Didn't think I was yours, neither."

[beauzos]

i don't know what it is. i can't explain it. but every image of Ulysses S Grant just exudes crying cat, like defeated energy

why is he so sad. is it just me

[strwberri-milk]

Hi, good morning/ afternoon/ evening. I've probably read all of your work on LnD, and I love them all. If it's not too much, can I request like the boys getting a call/update from MC after a disastrous wanderer attack on the city after not being able to contact them?? If possible, established relationship😅 ... thank you for your time!

im glad you like all my writing for them!! im so aefjaweofaw please give me the next main story update - also theres lots of references/imagery of death so if youre not chill w that i will see you tomorrow [salute] - theres also some very very slight references to their myths!! it feels a little ooc to me but thats bc. i think theyd be a little ooc when faced w a tragedy like this!! i hope you like it anyway <3

Zayne holds his breath every time a new patient is admitted. The hospital is busy with all of the patients that are coming in with the disaster, a mixture of those hanging on and people running up to him because he's the closest doctor in the vicinity to confirm death.

He volunteered himself to do triage because he was convinced that he'd be able to stop you from dying, that if you came in through those doors he'd be able to separate his love for you from the mind that studied all those nights but that's impossible - he only got here because of you.

His mind runs circles around himself, almost separated from his body as he tries to figure out why you weren't there. Hopefully it's because you're fine - you don't need medical attention or the medics on site were enough for you. However, he knows there's an equal chance that it's just because a doctor onsite was able to confirm your death and now you were in some bag, stored away with the others waiting for him to come identify you.

When he finally gets a moment to himself he obsessively checks his phone, praying to something that might take enough pity on him to listen at the very least that you'll call him. Minutes turn to hours as he's called back to work. Silence is a commodity now as he's stuck in the theatre, only able to go home after he's exceeded the legal amount of hours he's allowed to work in one night.

The long turned cold water hits his muscles as his mind wanders in the quiet of his home. You still haven't called - nobody's called. He understands that surely, all of you are busy but he's been there when the calls have had to be made. To hear the sobs on the other side of the phone as a squad captain confirms the death of another hunter as they softly ask if they'd like to see the body. He's also seen the calls when the bodies are far too mangled, a sight that no loved one should have to bear. He's waiting for it, almost falling in his haste to grab his phone once it finally rings.

Your number pops up, the letters of your name taunting him as he tries to answer it. He's about ready to throw his phone on the ground from the water on his hand refusing to make picking up the call an easy feat.

"Hello?" Zayne asks, an uncharacteristic shake in his voice.

"Zayne! I'm okay!" you say, voice sounding a little weak but definitely better than he could have ever anticipated.

"Zayne? Honey? Hello?" you ask when you're met with only silence, now beginning to grow anxious yourself. You knew he must have been busy - you were too - and you thought he was safe. He should have been, you'd heard no reports of the hospital being attacked.

"You're alive," he chokes out, falling to his knees.

"Of course I am! Things have just been chaotic so I haven't had enough time to call you until now," you explain, continuing to talk to him.

You hear rustling on the other side of the phone, trying to get his attention again before he cuts you off.

"Where are you right now? Home?"

"Oh - yeah I'm on leave now. Most of us who were in active duty are to let his recuperate. How come?"

"I'll be there soon."

He hangs up immediately, leaving you a little stunned. You decide to clean up a little, having nothing else to do really until he comes over. Zayne never acts this impulsively so you assume that the day with no contact really wore on him.

Once he arrives you open the door for him, planning to apologise for the lack of contact when he almost throws himself at you. You hold him back just as tightly, a little shaken yourself as you close the door after him. You realise that for whatever reason he's soaking, unsure if you should confront that but you decide to ignore it.

He leads you right to your couch, too exhausted to even find your bedroom as he buries himself against your chest. It's not the normal way he lays with you - typically he likes to hold you - but you know not to bother him now. You can't deny you were worried about him too, knowing he probably put in a bunch of overtime at the hospital.

He holds onto you tightly, measuring out the beat of your heart. It's the only way he can remind himself that you're still alive, that the two of you have one more day together.

Xavier has never felt like he wanted to die more than in this moment. One minute you were running with him, trying to stop the Wanderer from attacking the group of civilians the next you're totally gone. Logically, he knows you're most likely fighting a Wanderer by yourself and you can handle it but somewhere he's convinced you'll die without him at your side. You've proved yourself more than capable but he worries about you all the time - he knows how to fight these things, he's been fighting them for far longer than you have - and if you died here he'd have no more reason for living.

He practically goes beserk, tearing into each and every creature with the hopes that one of them can take him to you. With each failure he starts to spiral, standing atop a pile of rubble as he watches the recovery teams start to spread into the city. It practically took an entire squadron to force him to go home, promising him that he'd be the firs t to hear once they found you.

You were diligently following Xavier when you noticed another Wanderer going after a child. You knew that he'd panic once he couldn't find you but you couldn't just abandon them. You tried to tell him you'd be splitting off but over all the screams and screeches he couldn't hear you and you couldn't waste any more time trying to get his attention.

You were able to defeat the Wanderer but not before sustaining an injury that made it too difficult for you to continue active duty, taking the child to a safe spot and staying with them until help arrived. You ended up passing out from the pain shortly thereafter, waking up a day later to Tara in your face heaving a sigh of relief as she called for a doctor to come check on you.

Your body was simply fatigued and after an extra day of monitoring and ensuring you were receiving everything you needed to make sure you wouldn't collapse again when you get home. You nod, knowing what procedure is at this point. You reach out for your phone once the doctor leaves, knowing that Xavier must be worried out of his mind.

You're right, of course. He's laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling as he waits for someone to call him. He saw the scale of disaster this attack was, knows that everything is absolutely awful and he's not the only one waiting for news but every minute that passes is another minute you could be trapped, praying that he's coming there to save you.

He decides to ignore the strict orders he's gotten, suiting up to go help the recovery efforts. He was going bad staying in bed all day, unable to get a wink of sleep as pictures of your suffering flash across his tortured mind. Working on pulling valuables and any remnants of life is depressing on a good day but right now it's downright torturous. He can't help but think that the next thing he pulls out is going to be your hand, severed far from your body.

When his phone rings everything disappears. He quickly picks up, steeling his expression to avoid making things worse should someone look over at him. He doesn't even notice who called him, just hoping that it was someone with news.

"Oh! You picked up fast. Are you just sitting at home then?" you ask casually, so casually he thinks it's almost cruel. How could you act so nonchalant about the fact that you held his life in your hands, that you are the only thing in this world he can bear to wake up for?

"No, I'm helping the recovery efforts despite orders. I...it was too quiet at home," he offers as an explanation and you hum. He can imagine you nodding, tapping your chin as you think to yourself.

"If you missed me you could have just said so," you tease, hoping that the ease in your voice will make him relax.

"Of course I did. Is that even a question? Are you able to take visitors?' You know what, doesn't matter. I'll just wait there until you are. I'll see you soon love."

He hangs up quickly and you know that he'll appear in the hospital within the next two seconds with that uncanny ability of his. You straighten yourself out a little, knowing that you were injured but not wanting to look like a total mess.

You can hear his footsteps running up to your door, slamming it open as he catches his breath. You've never seen him out of breath before - maybe he's much more tired than you initially thought.

"You made it," you laugh, making a slight sound from the impact of him practically jumping at you, holding you tightly as he buries his face into your neck.

"I was worried about you," he says softly, looking up at you. "I thought you'd been hurt, badly. And I wasn't there to protect you."

You sigh, helping him sit down into the chair at your bedside. You offer him your hand which he holds gratefully, never taking his eyes off of you.

"I know. I'm sorry. But look, I'm okay now, aren't I?"

He ignores the pain in his chest, trying not to imagine how heavy your hand would feel in his if you really had drawn your last breath. That weight is far too familiar to him, haunting his every thought in the hours that passed between then and now.

"You are. And I'm going to make sure you stay that way," he promises.

Rafayel didn't even know there was an attack until far after it. He knew you were working and that sometimes, you'd accidentally go MIA. You'd already texted him before your mission anyway and then he got drawn into another project of his and completely lost track of time. It's not until the next day that he finally sees his phone and the message from Thomas telling him not to come into the city for supplies for a day or so.

He immediately starts looking through articles, scouring pages that are constantly updating the death toll in search of your face. He curses himself for not paying attention earlier - every minute he wasted on some stupid was another minute you could have spent at Death's door, all because he allowed himself to forget that nothing matters if it's not you.

It's obsessive the way he looks through all of them, calling your phone non stop all the while. Every time he gets sent to voicemail he feels his breath get knocked out of his lungs, resorting to blowing up your phone with texts. When it's clear you aren't replying he grabs his keys to drive into Linkon despite Thomas' suggestion, knuckles white on the steering wheel as he heads to the hospital.

Even in all the chaos people can't help but stare a little as Rafayel makes his way to the counter, demanding someone tell him where you were. He's really trying not to be a brat, promising you that he'd be nicer to people but when it's your life on the line everything is up for debate. He goes through any and every possibility, figuring out what he can do to guarantee your survival.

Unfortunately for him, he gets escorted out. Jenna tries to calm him down, telling him that he'd be the first to know if they had any updates on you. Right now everything was just far too messy to know anything about anyone and there was a good chance that you were just being treated at a different hospital than usual due to the high causality count. He doesn't take no for an answer and manages to strong arm the name of the other hospitals you could have been sent to, starting up his car again right as his phone lights up with your name.

"What do you think you're doing not answering your phone?!" he yells, making you flinch.

Rafayel's never been mad at you, certainly not to this extent but you know that it's because he's anxious. He immediately catches himself too and you hear it, catching the sound of his hands against his steering wheel as he takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry. Just - where are you?" he asks, sounding so exhausted that you feel like crying.

"I'm okay Rafayel," you say instead, adding the name of your hospital. He's immediately driving over as you talk to him, keeping your voice even.

"I was split up from the group is all, then triaged at a different hospital. I'm fine though - I managed to just sprain my wrist from overexertion so I'll have a sling for a bit-"

"You're staying with me then. I'm not having you stay alone with a broken wrist. Knowing you you'd do something dumb and make it worse," he scoffs, trying his best to drive safely to see you again. You don't bother to correct him, knowing that's the least of your worries.

You fall quiet, not sure how to respond. Rafayel has always been good at masking how he feels, rarely showing you what he's hiding behind his mask. Now he's an open book, making it clear that nothing will be okay until he sees you again.

"Okay," you agree, leaning further back into the pillows of your hospital bed. "They wanted me to be released into the care of someone if I could anyway. That's why I was calling you - that, and trying to return all your missed calls."

"Thank you," he says so quietly you barely hear him over the sound of his car.

"Of course my love," you say just as softly. "I knew you'd worry as soon as you saw the news."

Another moment passes between the two of you. Rafayel thinks his heart fell out of his chest - or it would have if it was still his to hold. Instead, it's beating firmly in your palm, only able to do so under your affections.

"Rafayel, I'm really fine, I promise. I'm just hungry. Let's get something for dinner, yeah?" you offer, hoping to redirect his energy.

"Yeah," he replies, exhaling deeply.

"Anything you want my beloved. Just name it and it's yours."

[snowrobin-133]

Wiping Tears

Fandom: Wuthering Waves Characters: Geshu Lin x f!Reader (established relationship) Word Counts: 787 Warnings: a bit of angst towards the end – gotta keep up my angsty writing sorry 0w0 – but otherwise just a lot fluff and comfort!!!

A/N: yeet coming out of my supposed writing retirement to write for Geshu Lin bc damn that man is hot :3 tbh this is going off what I know about him, but since there isn’t a lot of information on him I can’t say that this is very accurate sob Anyways not beta read so probably expect some mistakes,,, also I haven't written in a while so idk if this is up to par ;w;

You stand at the kitchen counter, cutting up some veggies for dinner. With a sigh, you put down the knife and glance out the window, watching as raindrops pitter patter on the glass panels.

Geshu Lin had arrived on your doorstep, having been sent on break from battle. You were grateful to see he was alive, having heard about the awful and disastrous result of the battle he faced. But as you helped him settle back in, you quickly took note of the several bandages, scrapes, and bruises scattered all over his body. You were terrified that he wouldn’t be the one to appear on your doorstep again. You were terrified that you’d only find a letter and a notice of death. You were afraid that the last time you had ever seen him would be the last memory you had of him. You were scared and even though he was home with you now, you were still scared of the next time he’d have to leave to battle.

Without realizing it, you were gripping the counter harshly, to the point of white knuckles. You are shaken out of your thoughts however with the feeling of familiar muscular arms wrapping around your waist and a familiar chest pressed to your back. Slowly, you raise your head with a slight turn to look at the man you love hugging you from behind.

“Geshu? Is something wrong?” you ask.

“...Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” he asks in his usual hoarse voice.

You look back down at the cutting board before slowly relaxing into his warm grasp and closing your eyes. You spend a few minutes just basking in his touch and presence, not knowing when the next time is that you’d be able to feel this again.

“...” Geshu Lin stays silent as well and snuggles into you even more, burrowing his neck into the top of your head. He breathes in your shampoo and tightens his hold on you. 

Slowly, you place your hands over his, “...I’m scared.” You finally confess before explaining, “I’m scared that you won’t come back next time… I know that you’re an amazing warrior, a resonator, and you’re amazing, but I, I’m still so scared.” Your hand grasping his tightens, as you look down, not meeting his gaze.

Geshu Lin raises his head and contemplates, not really saying anything. After a couple of minutes, he begins to speak, “You’re right, I’m a strong warrior, and while I admit that I’m not invisible,” he pauses for a second, “but as long as I know that you are here, waiting for me, I will do whatever is possible to come back to you”

Your eyes tear up as you listen to his heartfelt confession, but you stay silent as he continues. 

“Even if the gods refuse to let me come back, I will cut them down and the fate they created for me. Even if a Threnodian were to appear and cut down hundreds of my own soldiers, I will not surrender. I will fight until I can come back to your doorstep.”

As he talked, you turned around in his arms to look him in his eyes. The tears had begun to fall by that point. You gently place your head on his chest, wrapping your arms around him, trying to avoid his wounds.

Sniffling, you take a minute to compose yourself, “...In that case, I will be here. I’ll be here when you march through the city and people celebrating your victories. I’ll be here when you come back from countless hours of reports and meetings” you huff out a small laugh, “and I’ll be here to patch you up whenever you come back with injuries.”

Geshu Lin smiles gently, the scar on his lip stretching a bit as he gazes into your eyes. He chuckles at your own proclamation before placing a gentle kiss on your forehead, wiping away your tears “Thank you,” he spoke your name in a gentle tone. Although your tears still fall, you relish in this fleeting moment of being in his arms and his rough fingers wiping each tear drop.

Despite his promises, you end up learning less than a year later that even the strongest of warriors can’t always keep their promises. You open the door, expecting and excited to see Geshu Lin, but instead, you find a young man with teal hair standing before you. Your heart drops at the sight of him and slowly, your eyes drop to the letter in his hands. You don’t even need to hear the young man’s words. You know what happened to Geshu Lin. Falling to your knees, tears begin to fall once again, but Geshu Lin is no longer here to wipe them for you.

a/n: Hope you enjoyed this!!

[thisisnotjuli]

*by "proper kiss" I mean like making out

pls reblog 🙏

[animebw]

So, I've been getting almost all my hibike euphonium knowledge from osmosis from what you say. So I wanted to know how integral to the plot is that guy some people ship kumiko with (never learned his name), not only in this season, but in the previous ones too.

Because I don't think you mentioned him at all while talking about this season, other then kumiko being tired when people think they are dating, but I have seem some people say that they did end up together bc something something hair clip in the epilogue?

Also wanted to know if they dropped or dealt with the Reina crush on the teacher thing

You do seem to cherish this show a lot, so I do wanted to check it out myself, but these two things are the only things holding me back at this moment

So here's what actually happens: in the original novels, Kumiko and Shu get together at the end. Unambiguously. She confesses, he gives her the hairclip back, it's a whole big scene.

In the show, Shuichi has maybe twenty lines of dialogue across the entire final season, not a single of which has romantic implications or framing, he has a single line of dialogue in the entire final episode, and then we see Kumiko has the hairpin in the epilogue but it's not commented upon and Shuichi is never seen again.

Last week when episode 12 aired, the original author Ayano Takeda posted on Twitter that she was happy with the changes KyoAni made, and she encouraged fans to appreciate her novels and KyoAni's adaptation as equally valid interpretations of the same story. There was, however, a follow-up tweet where she further clarified that she had the final say on any changes the show made, and if Hanada or Ishihara or whoever proposed a change she wasn't fond of, it was ultimately her call whether to let it happen or not. So what this feels like to me? Is a compromise. A compromise between Takeda's original vision and KyoAni just very obviously not giving a single shit about Kumiko and Shuichi as a couple.

Now, KyoAni's been changing things in Eupho ever since the first season, and in fact, most of their shows diverge pretty heavily from the source material. And since I haven't read the original novels, I only have secondhand knowledge on what KyoAni added or took away. But what I have heard is that while all of Kumiko and Reina's subtext is still there in the novels, Shuichi has a far more visible role in Kumiko's life, with many more scenes dedicated to them as a romantic subplot. In fact, I've heard there were a few scenes in season one between Kumiko and Reina that were originally between Kumiko and Shuichi in the novels. I can't confirm if that's true or not, but frankly, it would not surprise me one bit.

Obviously, I don't know the reasoning behind the decisions KyoAni made. But looking at Hibike as a whole, it feels like they looked at this story with a pretty standard het relationship subplot and realized there was actually a far more compelling love story lurking just underneath the surface, one that Takeda herself didn't seem to realize was as special as it was. So when they turned it into an anime, they made the conscious choice to downplay Shuichi's role as much as possible and cash all their chips on centering her relationship with Reina as the real heart and soul of the story. And over the course of nine years, they supported that story as much as they could, finding every way possible to prioritize them in the narrative and frame them with the cinematic language they've deployed for so many straight couples in the past, while simultaneously refusing to give Kumiko even a single moment where she appears romantically interested in Shuichi.

And I want to stress that last point in particular: outside of that one scene in the Year 2 movie where Shuichi almost kisses her, every single interaction Kumiko's had with the idea of being in a relationship with Shuichi has been "Oh HELL no." She's constantly avoiding him in their first year, she can barely work up the effort to be civil to him while they're actually dating, and it's only after they break up that they're able to be on good terms with each other as friends. Even in this final season, there hasn't been a single moment where it's felt like either of them were considering getting back together. Shuichi's just been happy to support her, and Kumiko feels comfortable around him for the first time ever, and that's the extent of it. It's only the comments from the first years that suggest anything about a romantic subplot still ongoing between them, but none of that is reflected in any of their onscreen moments.

Like, even putting Kumirei aside, there is just no romantic tension between them anymore. Not even in a "Wow, where did that romantic moment come from? That was so forced out of nowhere!" sort of situation- the love story between them is completely nonexistent at this point. The only evidence in this entire fucking season that they start dating again is Kumiko having the hairpin in the epilogue (which, side note, hasn't been brought up all season either), which, frankly, is so open to interpretation that Bandai's shareholders are salivating in jealousy. Sure, maybe it does mean Shuichi asked her again and she accepted, but it could just as easily mean he gave it to her free of charge and accepted she didn't think of him that way. Or it could even mean he gave it to her and said something like "Once Reina finally gets turned down by Taki-sensei, make sure you give this to her, I think it'll be put to far better use that way." And frankly, that last interpretation is way more supported by the show I just watched than simply them getting back together.

The point is, KyoAni does not care about Kumiko and Shuichi getting together. It has never cared about Kumiko and Shuichi getting together. Honestly, my crack theory is the reason they sped through Kumiko's second year in a movie is to get through her Dating Shuichi arc as fast as humanly possibly. But Takeda clearly does care about them getting together, considering that's what happened in the novels. And I suspect that's one thing she decided not to budge on when they were in conversations discussing the changes KyoAni wanted to make. So to compromise, KyoAni put in the barest minimum effort to suggest things technically played out like they did in the novels- "Look, she's got his hairpin! That means they got back together!"- while refusing to spend a single solitary second on it beyond that and removing any explicit confirmation so everyone who doesn't care about them as a couple- KyoAni included- can interpret it otherwise and be fully justified in doing so.

Because from start to finish, through the entirety of this season, the love story that stood at the center of everything was Kumirei. Every last plot beat, every last thematic throughline, every last bit of swelling music and romantic framing and effort spent making you root for two people to stay together, it was always them and no one else. Even the big change they made in episode 12 where Kumiko loses the soli only further cements their story as the story of this show, with Reina's utter devastation at losing her only confirming just how special Kumiko was to her in a way not even Taki-sensei truly measures up to. I've said it in the past, but even moreso now than ever, it is impossible to look at the arc of Hibike Euphonium and not see a love story between these two girls, a story about just how fucking much they mean to each other and all the reasons their connection was something unlike anything else on this earth.

And if you choose to see it as a story of Kumiko and Shuichi getting together instead? Then you are actively fighting against what the show is communicating to you every second of every episode. You are, in fact, the delusional shipper inventing a romantic subplot where none exists. You are everything that yuri shippers are accused of being when they choose to actively engage with the text as it exists and not as you imagine it to be. Because as open-ended as the ending is, as straight as it pretends to be, it is far easier to imagine a future where Kumiko and Reina reunite as lovers than a future where she somehow falls for the guy she's never shown any interest in before. Frankly, if I was a Shuichi truther I'd feel pretty insulted by this ending! "What do you mean their entire subplot is cut out and it's only half-assedly implied in the epilogue that it totally happened offscreen? What is this bullshit?!"

This is why I chafe so strongly against the queerbaiting label. I watched three seasons of BBC Sherlock, I know full well what queerbaiting looks like. But a love story like this does not happen out of malice. It only happens because every single person involved, from animators to voice actors to directors and everyone in between, believes in it so strongly that they're willing to push as hard as they can to make it as real as physically possible within the limitations at their disposal. Kumirei is Hibike. Their story is Hibike. And if KyoAni can't convince Takeda to let them embrace it fully, well, they can at least wrestle her to a stalemate that allows that interpretation to still be possible- and, even, more plausible than the direction she initially took it down.

Adaptation is an art of making changes. It requires a text to stand on its own, fully apart from whatever source it sprang from. And KyoAni in particular has always embraced the philosophy of treating adaptation not as a one-to-one copy machine like so many of its contemporaries, but an opportunity to build something entirely new. All of its shows are, first and foremost, shows before they're translations of their source material, works of art designed to be taken as wholly complete experiences however much they resemble their inspirations or not. In Hibike! Euphonium the novel series, Kumiko and Shuichi are canon. In Hibike! Euphonium the TV show? It's flat out impossible to come to that same conclusion unless you're dead-set on believing what you want to believe, evidence be damned. And if you're so obsessed with this mid het ship that you choose to ignore the single greatest love story of all time to pretend it's more plausible, then you're simply an idiot who's opinions aren't worth engaging with.

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

more Grojband au drawings and headcanons bc apparently I only like making fanart for fandoms that are non-existent or on the brink of extinction.

(au ramblings after the keep reading)

Relationships

Platonic/Familial:

Lanes and Larry (nickname Lars or Lars Bar) got really close during middle school. They found comfort with each other bc they were in similar situations regarding their crushes. They'd sneak off after band practice to rant to each other about their band leaders and just wallow in self-pity. And that didn't really change as they got older. If anything, they got even closer, acting more like siblings than friends—they even got similar/mirroring piercings to match and wear coordinated outfits—, constantly ranting to or annoying each other at any opportunity. However, their audience doesn't really believe that it's just that (having given both of them the titles of casanovas for dating each other and their band leaders). And neither does Corey. Which, as you can probably guess, often leads being a point of contention between them.

Kim and Konnie: I've made them really close cousins. Why?. Because I can! jk jk but tbch I just wanted to add some variety in the lineup's dynamics. I'm also playing with the idea of one of them being half-white and the other being half-Filipino and having them be raised in different households to see how that would affect the different ways in which they'd interact. They are still close like sisters and each other's best friends, they were born on the same day and wear matching hair ties like friendship bracelets, but I want them to have things about them that make them different from being exact copies of their counterparts. However, this is definitely subject to change as I explore the concept more.

Corey and Carrie: acquaintances. Over the years their rivalry has seriously mellowed out and are more or less pleasant with each other. They will tease each other from time to time but that's kind of just what you do when you've known someone as long as they have.

Mina and Trina: Not quite sure where to put this one lol. Their relationship imploded senior year when Mina confessed to her and Trina responded in the worst way possible. Now Mina is doing school abroad and Trina had to repeat her last year. No one really knows what happened but rumor has it that Mina had said something so bad to Trina that it made her completely break. She doesn't hang out with anyone and she rarely, if ever, talks. She spends all her time alone in her room or at her job that nobody is even really sure she has.

Romantic:

Kon and Konnie: they are just happy and cute together. They started hanging out together more during sophomore year when Konnie's gym closed down and she had to go to a new one. They were definitely more awkward at first, they didn't really dislike each other but their friends did so they kind of just...didn't interact, but once they actually started talking they found they got along really well! They would often spot for the other and offer encouragement when working out. Inevitably they caught feelings and tried dating in secret. But that didn't last long (bc ofc it didn't lol) and they got caught. Both bands were more irritated than mad but eventually got over it.

Kin and Kim: a bickering old married couple. they are constantly 'breaking up' and then getting back together the next day. They are snarky and live for drama and gossip. They both think that the other is more in love with them and can control them bc of it. In reality, they are both equally whipped for each other but refuse to admit it. They constantly 'fight' to show that they aren't in love then somehow always fail miserably every time. They haven't made their relationship public and hopefully never will. They like having their fans think they're single and that if they found out it would ruin their images as the mysterious prince and princess of their respective groups. The bands' reactions to them range from exasperated eye rolls to mocking laughter.

Larry (yes, I'm sticking to calling him Larry) and Carrie: ??? Larry adores Carrie and she knows this. He makes it very clear and is willing to do almost anything for her. But how Carrie feels for Larry is unclear, at least that's what he says to Laney. She will treat him like a best friend and they'll hang out alone without problem, but she will have this weird distance about her that she doesn't close. That is until the cameras come on. During interviews and shoots, she will pull him close to her and say things that can be easily interpreted and romantic, but when asked to specify she will laugh and deflect the question. Then, once the cameras are off, she goes right back to being distant. He is unsure whether or not she actually likes him romantically or is just refusing to clarify for the sake of the band, but he'll lean into her touch whenever or wherever it's given. He seems to have come to terms with this being their dynamic and just...goes with it. There is one thing he knows for certain, he loves her and regardless of whether or not she cares for him romantically, he will stay by her side no matter what. Oddly enough, whenever the topic of Larry and Laney's relationship is brought up, Carrie refuses to talk about it. To be honest, she'll act like she has no idea what they're talking about and bluntly steer the conversation towards literally anything else.

Laney and Corey: Contradictory. Laney has essentially given up on forming a romantic bond with Corey. However, her actual feelings don't seem to have gotten the memo. She still cares for him so much it hurts. So much so that she's come to terms with the fact that she will never be able to be with anyone romantically because of it. Laney used to love the high of being in love, floaty and light, and now she feels more like a suffering addict, lost and panicked. She drowns in every touch and caress given to her but at the same time feels burned and scorned every time she realizes how simple and platonic they are. She can't blame him for not liking her back, but she's come to resent him for it. Just a little bit. She sometimes even wishes she had never met Corey. Constantly thinking about the life she could have had had she not been pulled into the living whirlpool that was Corey. She loves him, and he doesn't know it. But he holds her closer than anyone else. He is possessive of her and her attention. Whenever it's directed towards someone else, Larry especially, he pulls her back into him and refuses to let her go. This makes it even more unlikely for her to move on, in fact, it makes her angry. They argue about it often.

I have the beginnings of several scenes that explore these relationships and stuff but I'm not too sure I wanna share them just yet ^^; (my creative writing skill is a bit more than a little lacking lol)

[ghost-husbands]

I have Thoughts™.

My perspective of Payneland and Cryland, under the cut because knowing me, this is gonna get long probably.

Before I begin, I wanna leave a little disclaimer and say I am not here with the intention of bashing any ship or any character. I love Charles because he's my favorite and that's that. I love Edwin as well. I think Payneland is fantastic and they really carry the whole show. I love it. I also like Crystal and the struggles she's had, the way she's carried them and survived them. I do have a soft spot for Charles x Crystal. I love them all, just to be clear. Not hear to bash anybody or throw shade...okay let's get to the other stuff.

Okay so I've always been one to pay a LOT of attention to the little details that the writers/directors/actors themselves with acting choices etc put into the portrayal of characters. Whether that's body language or dialogue or whatever.

When I think about what incites me to ship or not ship a pairing, I realize that it's a couple of things.

The chemistry that may or may not be there. It could be a pairing that interacts or does stuff together, and if they get along and it just seems so natural and doable, I can see that. This will usually be me thinking "Oh god, these people are perfect together. Look at the way A is looking at B! It's obvious B is in love with A" or whatever.

The circumstances - They could be two characters that the plot itself is driving together. Maybe star-crossed lovers or A pining for B etc.

And then there's the matter of the emotions/reactions that you can see between said characters. Now this fascinates me.

Taking a look at the Charles/Edwin dynamic and Charles/Crystal. I'm not so much intending to compare the two with the end of saying "this one or this one" when you can say "why not both?" Because frankly I love them both but differently. It's more to look at the relationships and those ideas I mentioned above in respect to these characters.

Charles x Edwin

Historically, they have a LOT more time together, by each other's side for 30+ years after Edwin finds Charles on the brink of death in that attic in 1989. Charles isn't ready to go and refuses to leave Edwin alone. From then on, they never part. As for what happens between their first meeting and when the show begins, I'm not extremely familiar because I haven't read the comics and all I do know is from what I've seen.

You can see that there is deep devotion between the two of them. They will protect each other (even if that's mostly Charles taking the beatings to keep Edwin safe) for sure, that notion is there. Edwin knows he can count on Charles and vice versa. Edwin definitely has feelings that he's struggling with through the season (being honest with himself as to what they are and dealing with the impossibly hard to bear burden of keeping those inside his heart bc he, prior to 1x07, doesn't know how Charles will react to this). Charles, on the other hand, cares very, very much for Edwin and would probably tear the universe apart if that was necessary to make sure that Edwin was alive, safe and sound by the end of the day. I've heard different things, but it seems to me that Charles also has these feelings, but it either didn't occur to him before or he didn't know how to identify or put those into words. That's perhaps why he said 'I can't say that I'm in love with you back' not 'I don't love you' or 'I'm not in love with you'. It was definitely NOT a rejection, I don't think so. Anyway, this is thought spilling for another moment.

A particular detail that hasn't left me alone since I saw it pointed out here...the fact that both Charles and Edwin, when they are embraced by other....BOTH of them, in those separate moments lay a hand over their heart. It affects them, they feel something there in the heart. What that is, I have no idea. I really want to know, and it's a delicious left-to-us-to-think-about sort of thing which in a way is much more fun than simply explaining it away with words. But that is contact (which, mind you, in theory, ghosts don't have) they wouldn't, theoretically feel.

And yet. When Charles hugs Edwin, Edwin afterward lays a hand over his heart and reacts as if something happened there, and I'm pretty sure it did. Same for Charles, when he hugs Edwin after they find out they're staying where they are...he feel something there.

Charles x Crystal

I know that this isn't a common ship (at least not nearly as popular as Payneland) and most will look at it from a perspective of "Not possible, he's a ghost, she's a human being. That's going to fall apart at some point". Some would also probably say that it's not something essentially romantic (that's looking at it and saying that what is there isn't love but could be friendship, other third thing whatever). I just want to look at Charles and Crystal as Charles and Crystal and pick apart the stuff we see.

Charles is compassionate, warm and has a big heart. I saw that from the beginning. He's the one who steps up and to Edwin's chagrin, announces that they'd be taking Crystal in until she's recovered. They go off on a walk and he enjoys it, even laughing when she's essentially mocking him, trying to be "mean".

The alley scene

His compassion really just struck a chord with me because of that moment in the alleyway. Now Edwin is upset (and I think he's right to be. Perhaps not in a shouty way but he's a little bit right) because the rhythm he's accustomed to with Charles has been turned on its head with Crystal's arrival. They have a demon to deal with on top of the cases they're working on, inconvenient stuff happens because of the little human being Charles has taken in, despite Edwin's displeasure. (Edwin is dear to me, and I love him. Not trying to bash him in any way...) So he's upset and he snaps, distinctly unhappy with the unnecessary problems the DBDA is met with because of Crystal. Crystal's patience is worn thin (poor girl had a nasty run in with demonic ex-boyfriend only moments before) and she gets mad. She snaps, and walks off. Charles watches her go, and Edwin makes a comment about how Crystal was yelling at "them" but Charles clarifies that it wasn't "them" as in, she wasn't yelling at Charles so much as Edwin. Anyway, all this is besides the point.

My point is that Charles at that point, follows after and listens, attentively, to Crystal relating how she feels that she can't go back to her home, that without her memories, that's how she feels. He looks pensive, considering what to do. What does he do? He wants to show her something. Tells her they need a mirror.

He shows her his parents, there in the mirror, and basically tells her that he relates. He knows what it's like. It just strikes me that he's being a little bit vulnerable here. We later find just how deep that stuff is inside of him, and we even get a little hint of that when he explains that his dad wasn't a very nice person. But he's showing her that he's listening, he knows what she means to a certain degree and just the act of doing that is reaching out, in a way, that's how I take it. His compassion.

The scene outside Jenny's shop

Crystal is shaken from what's just happened, and can't help but remember David and the toxicity of that relationship. Charles is there for her, and as I've said before, I think it's really interesting what he does next. He's sitting beside her on the curb and he just puts an arm around her. This is a comforting gesture, he knows, for her. Can he feel it? Aside from maybe physical pressure, no, not really. He just does it, for her. He doesn't get anything out of that.

The kisses - (or his attempt and her rejection, and the goodbye kiss)

Another point of interest for me was the kisses. It's established, confirmed in the canon by 1x07, I believe, that ghosts can't actually physically feel stuff like touch, a kiss or anything of that ilk. Earlier we see that when Charles tells Edwin he kissed Crystal. Edwin asks whether or not he felt it, and Charles (and this really is something that's been bouncing in my head) points to his temple, and says "...but I felt it here". Emotions? The emotional impact of it, rather than the physical effect it would have on him. Memory? He remembers what it's like to kiss and considers that, but still can't quite feel it.

Then, there's the moment when Crystal wakes up from that nightmare. (Part of me, not going to lie, thought, Charles would never hurt you...I don't understand how he could end up in a dream like that, confused with David the demon, but Crystal's trying to sort herself out). Charles goes in to talk to her, and the first thing he does is lean in as though to kiss her. Again, he's not gonna get anything out of that. It seemed to me like simple affection he wanted to show her, because we know he damn well won't feel anything. Not really. She pulls away because that nightmare really shook her and she's just not ready to pursue anything. (Which was good writing on the part of the show, it's realistic.) Just caught my attention that that had crossed Charles' mind to do that.

And then, the goodbye kiss.

Now this is more of a question from me. Why?

We see clearly that Charles isn't happy to see her go. He cares about her. She's his friend, he just doesn't want her to leave. Like 'he grabs her bags and holds them out of her reach "Nope you're not going"' doesn't want her to go. To his question of "Why does this feel like a goodbye goodbye and not a 'see you in London' goodbye?" she answers with a kiss. Doesn't say anything, just kisses him.

He looks a little confused, uncertain, trying-to-solve-a-puzzle about it. Which I think was an interesting (but not out of character) response to that, because he wouldn't have been able to feel it. But that begs the question, what exactly is it in his head that he does feel...

My final thoughts: I think Charles and Crystal are cute. According to show canon, no, it just can't happen on a logical level, according to where she is in trying to step back into her life and discover herself, and just the fact that he's a ghost. It wouldn't work. As friends, I think it's something sweet and I also think that the affection there is something real, something that they both need. And the characters as well. Affection, love and understanding are things all human beings need, and it's a lovely thing to see that given and received among all of our loved characters.

In the scope of fanfiction and the free creativity there, I'm open to possibilities because of the existence of AUs, different times, different places.

I certainly don't think that there's anything toxic to this relationship, but that's just me.

If you came to the end of this, bless you. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

[t1oui]

thinking about making a college au that may or may not be a texting fic and trying to make it as gay as possible bc fuck jkr so here are some headcanons (based off of what me from 2:15 am wrote in my notes)

james: they/them, nonbinary, panromantic asexual

sirius: he/him, bisexual (or gay, i haven't decided)

remus: he/they, trans, unlabeled

peter: he/him, trans, aromantic omnisexual

lily: she/her, intersex, demisexual lesbian

mary: she/her, bisexual

marlene: she/her, lesbian

regulus: he/him, trans, gay

dorcas: she/they, genderqueer, unlabeled

barty: he/they/it, boyflux, pansexual & hypersexual

evan: he/they, bigender, biromantic asexual

pandora: she/her, trans, pansexual

emmeline: she/her, grayromantic omnisexual

benjy: he/they, trans, bisexual

+ some other headcanons about them being queer together <3

sirius being VERY into labels and remus hating them with a passion and them learning to see each other's perspective

pandora and evan are mtf and ftnb (bigender) and they literally just switched names at like age 4. their parents didn't notice and only barty, reg, and dorcas know

remus helping evan feel less insecure about their top surgery scars :)

rem and dorcas bonding over being unlabeled

james helping dorcas figure out that she's genderqueer

emmeline and peter becoming friends after finding out that they're both arospec omnis

barty feeling really validated when people actually use it/its for it and the people who DO use all his pronouns being his favorite (no im not projecting lol what)

evan and james bond over being asexual (also lily)

benjy is the awkwardest bisexual to ever bi. i just think you should know. also he's adorable

pandora and lily date for about 2 seconds before they break up and pandora becomes lily's wingwoman in her quest to date mary

remus and benjy are both awkward asf so they go on one date and realize immediately they have negative chemistry and now they're best friends

pandora randomly adopts benjy and he just goes with it and carries her books around also they kiss

jegulus who have been dating this whole time (sirius somehow managed to realize they liked each other without noticing his crush on remus, truly something only he could do) and who are super subtle unless you're looking for clues that they're together

also bc this is a university au i'll say who's rooming with who: james & reg, sirius & peter, remus & benjy, mary & pandora, lily & marlene, dorcas & emmeline, evan & barty

(for the record james and reg sleep in separate beds because reg refuses to be woken up at "the asscrack of dawn" every day when james goes for their morning run)

remus, lily, and reg being besties

peter being in a qpr with evan & barty and having sex w barty (evan will literally sit on the bed next to them and read while they're going at it)

they start a queer club btw.

anyway that's all for now

[softpascalito]

Pedro Pascal Kinktober Day Twentysix (SFW)

Tying a tie - Javier Peña/F!Reader

Summary: Javier resigns from the DEA. You both reflect on your life in Colombia while you help him get ready. You also discuss what is about to follow.

Relationships: Javier Peña x F!Reader

WC: 1600

Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Trauma, Anxiety, Established Relationship, Crying, Moving On, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Sad Javier Peña (Narcos), Javier Peña Needs a Hug (Narcos), no beta we die like colonel carrillo

AO3 LINK

notes: my apologies for two sad days in a row. if you want to listen to a song while reading, i highly recommend swan song by lana del rey (bc what would a javi fic be without lana).

_________________________________________

Your hands smooth over the striped tie, tracing the lines that run across it. When your hands reach the edge of the soft fabric, they don't stop, instead continuing a now invisible line on the white dress shirt. You've touched it up this morning, making sure to remove the little crinkles that somehow return after every wear and usually seem impossible to get rid of.

Today, the shirt sits perfectly on him, a little strained by his broad shoulder, a tight fit, like all his clothes.

Your finger reaches his side, stopping at the seam that runs down from his arms. As you stretch your hand, gently placing your palm against the white fabric, you finally register movement below it, a gentle shift as a sigh leaves the man in front of you. The vibration of it carries through his body and you can feel it in your hand.

For a moment, you just stand there, considering if it's possible to transfer the stress that the body below your fingers holds onto you, if you can take any of it away. He carries it so well but he's been carrying it for so long and you know he's tired. So are you.

You refuse to lower your palm, pressing it into his skin a little harder, his soft stomach below adjusting to accommodate your hand as it stays firmly pressed against him.

It must be possible, to take the sadness, the anger, to extract it from the form that holds it. If you'd just find an opening, the one that holds the floodgates, you're certain it would come out in waves, pouring down on you.

“Querida.”

Javier's voice is gentle as he speaks, low like he doesn't want to disturb anyone. Not that there's anyone to disturb, except maybe the cat that is stretched out on the windowsill, half asleep, half watching the two people who are standing in the middle of the room.

“Maybe I should go with the other tie,” he mutters and you shake your head, moving your hand back and forth slightly so that it caresses his stomach, “I'm not letting you wear a clip-on tie to your resignation.”

He seems to see your point because his head droops a tiny bit as he nods, looking down at his chest once more. His chocolate brown eyes watch your hand, back and forth, back and forth.

“Okay,” he almost whispers and your eyes meet as you watch him carefully, already recognizing the signs of slight panic in his form. His jaw clenched to one side, his hand hanging down next to his body and nervously twitching, the movements of his eyes a little faster than usual.

“What if we're making the wrong choice? If the money runs out-” His voice breaks and you're almost certain your heart breaks with it.

You're awfully aware of the things he's considering, the pros and cons of leaving the DEA behind for good, of returning home. With you. And a cat.

You haven't talked about it, about the after. It has always been about leaving. It has never been about arriving.

Noone could blame Javi if he didn't want children. Blame either of you, really. But you have a feeling that the worries about making a living back home has something to do with that possibility. There was always going to be another bad guy, another cartel to take down, another big player to hunt. There was always money to be made in his job. It's just that the price of making that money has become too high.

You sigh a little, bringing up your free hand to caress his cheek, “Then I'll find something. Well be okay, Javi.” 

You really do believe it. You think.

“I know, it's just-” You wait patiently as Javi tries to find the right words, his gaze searching your face as if the answer is hidden somewhere in it, “It just feels so final.”

It takes all the strength in you to keep a neutral face, to not let the tears win. You just nod, fingers tracing the mustache above Javis lips.

“Because it is, hermoso,” you mumble, inching a tiny bit closer. The close touch of your other hand is replaced with that of your body as you rest your body against his, connecting as much skin as you possibly can in this moment. The other hand moves steadily over his mustache, stroking the fine, dark hairs that feel just the right amount of scratchy.

“You never have to go back there.”

You lean forward, placing the most gentle kiss on Javis lips as he lowers his gaze, just in time to see your hand fly up and cup his face, another kiss placed on his cheek.

After a moment, he brings his strong arms around you, pulling you in and you do the same, wrapping your arms around his torso, one hand stroking his back.

You pretend not to notice that he cries while you stand there. 

Instead, your grip tightens a little, holding him close, silently thanking all the gods of this world that you've made it here, that he is in your arms, that he is yours, all yours. No longer a chess piece for any of his higher-ups, no longer government property. Just yours.

Both of you lose track of time, just staying in each other's arms until you nudge him a little, “I think it's time to go.” His voice is a bit hoarse as he agrees and again, you pretend not to notice.

“That fucking cat is staring at us again,” Javi mutters and a small chuckle escapes you at that as you pull back, beginning to properly bind his tie. Your hands seem to have memorized the motions of it by now, easily placing one piece of fabric over the other, “She's curious. She knows something is happening.”

“Oh, you think?” Javi asks sarcastically but there's a playful note in his tone, “Maybe the two dozen cartons that you've stacked throughout the apartment gave something away.” You gently slap his chest before finishing up the tie, making sure to not pull it too tight.

“There,” you say gently, looking Javier once over and nodding in approval. With a sideway glance at one of the mentioned stacks of cartons that hold parts of your life, you feel a small tug in your chest. And, despite putting on your best, bravest face, through all this, of course Javi instantly sees.

“What is it?” His voice is soft, his gaze back on you as he reaches out to place his hands on your waist, “Did I say something stupid?”

You're quick to shake your head. The last thing you want is for him to worry about you today or worse, to blame himself for yet another thing. Still, he doesn't let up, nudging you a little until you soften enough for the words to tumble out.

“It's weird,” you say quietly, “deciding what to pack, what to leave behind.” He nods and this time it's he who waits patiently for you to continue, “How do you decide which parts of your life are worth taking back?”

The hands on your sides tighten a bit at that and you turn your head back towards him, soft eyes watching you. He seems to consider his words for a moment before speaking.

“I've decided which part I wanna take back.”

It's too honest. So, you shrug a little, trying to make light of it, “You mean the cat, don't you?”

He doesn't go for it. It would be an easy way out, one to avoid digging up those emotions inside both of you that are becoming increasingly harder to push down. Javi's never been one for the easy way.

“You know I wasn't talking about the cat. Even though, yes, she's coming too,” he mumbles and then adds, even more softly, “You know I was talking about you. You're the only part of this godforsaken shitshow I wanna bring home.”

Javi brings his lips forward, resting them against your forehead, letting them linger there. It's like he, too, is trying to exchange something inside of you, trying to let his love seep into your body, warming you from the inside out, filling all the holes, the cracks that the last years have left gaping inside of you.

A soft, strangled noise escapes you at the thought and you're back in his arms in an instant, your face pressed into his chest.

“Querida,” he whispers again and you just pull him closer at that. It's practically guaranteed that you're ruining the shirt, no doubt creating another of those wrinkles that never seem to ease up. Neither of you care.

Javi doesn't pretend not to see your tears. He dries them, patiently, under the watchful eyes of the cat that doesn't seem to understand why its two humans keep crying. You're not sure you humans understand either.

You dry Javier's tears too, after the official resignation. You dry them during the last night in your apartment, when his moans turn into sobs. You dry them on the plane.

And finally, you dry them in Laredo, in the kitchen of Chuchos farm, as you prepare dinner and Javier comes up behind you, crying into your shoulder until you turn around and kiss his tears away and hold him until he stops shaking, taking the sadness and trauma and grief from his body and taking it into your own, whispering into his ear that he's here, that he's home.

Whispering into his ear that he never has to go back.

[moonfungers]

this is sort of random as hell but i can't help but think of like. a funger termina isekai fic. 💀 no but like. FEAR AND HUNGER IS THE WORST universe to be inside, really. it's all misery!!! pain!! suffering!! and i'm just picturing this like, regular person gets transported into the universe and just absolutely loses her shit bc she KNOWS, she KNOWS DAMN WELL exactly how she's screwed, far better than anyone else!! she's played the games dozens and dozens of times, died so many times, and now she's IN that setting, she's in that world, and death is now PERMANENT with REAL stakes. she knows the entire game like the back of her hand, but what does it matter, bc it's fear and hunger. there's only so much knowledge that can help you . .

in my head, in a lot of isekai fic and stuff, ocs tend to like, hide the fact that they know things? but i feel like a modern-day oc who gets transported into fear and hunger would be forced into a position where she has to be honest bc its the best chance of survival. this isn't a game where she can just follow the right steps, recruit the people, get them to do the things, this is now real and dangerous and terrifying, and she knows that she can't do it alone.

and i'm just picturing like. d1, she wakes up before everyone else, loses her shit, and then promptly refuses to let ANYONE leave the train. no no but like, also can you picture what im seeing, this woman just pacing back and forth frantically, very clearly losing it, and she's like "you fuckers are not going ANYWHERE, we are all traveling TOGETHER, bc you all do not understand how much danger we're in" and then the others are like, you know, the train just stopped, weird dream, they haven't even been to prehevil yet so they don't know how fucked up everything is over there, and now this random stranger is just losing her shit, they don't take her seriously bc honestly who would, and so she just. she just starts fucking putting them on blast

"o'saa i know you went into the dungeons and nasrah's with you" "pav you will SIT your motherfucking ass down, you do not stand a chance against the fucking kaiser and it isn't even the REAL one you fucking idiot"

"levi i know youre going thru like. withdrawal right now and its totally ok and we have a doctor here and i will get you some heroin if i need to but like please dont run off where i cant find you"

and just basically knows stuff she absolutely shouldn't know, and she's like "YOU GUYS GOTTA BELIEVE ME BC OTHERWISE WE WILL LITERALLY ALL DIE, DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND. there is only ONE way to guarantee us to live and im telling you this bc i know how screwed we are and i cant do it alone ive never even held a fucking weapon in my entire LIFE i just play video games at home-" and also how fucked up is it, that this isekai oc would know damn well that no matter what, someone has to die? like. you either kill everyone else and like get sulfurized/escape, you get moonscorched bc you run out of time, or someone has to become one with logic. aka to get the best "everyone lives" run, someone still needs to die

idk my brain just had this pop into my brain and won't let it go. it'd like, a cliche trope ofc, but i feel like in the context of fear and hunger, it'd be just so horrifying and awful and so WONDERFUL to read

bc its like, fear and hunger is a game series that we know damn well is a horrible like, UNIVERSE to be in, its depressing and awful for the characters who live in it, but can you imagine the ripe ANGST of having an isekai oc from our world go into it? they have our world as a reference point, in the way none of the other characters do, bc this is their world, they don't know anything else, how could they? but this isekai oc would just be so fucking-- innocent in the way the others aren't, bc she hasn't lived through the horrible F&H world and like, the dynamic there is so so interesting too bc all of the characters in termina, all of them on that train are AWARE or have been involved/done bad things, and this here is a character who hasn't, who hasn't seen blood or misery for her entire fucking LIFE. she'd be an "everyman" character by our standards, you know, but by their standards? she'd be such a fucking anomaly with the shit she says, the things she believes in. and also, you know, the fact she knows things about all of them and the situation they're in she has absolutely no right to know and its so SO interesting to think about, actually?? like genuinely losing my mind thinking about this rn

[lorablackmane]

ISAT Act 5 Missable Interactions

I missed a shitton my 1st playthrough bc I was on that Siffrin mindset during act 5's loop and I realized afterwards I had a save in the meadow b4 everything. So I decided to compile stuff I found I missed 4 others who might've missed things too! Please keep in mind that below will be spoilers for this act and the next, and that there are some concerning things about Siffrin found here that I've labeled this post with a few trigger warnings. Check them before reading to decide if you want to read!

Updated!!!!!!!

Please note the section on the favor tree has new info!! If you don't want to know how a secret boss fight goes please skip the 2nd to last dot.

• Literally every kid in town is terrified by Siffrin now, ignoring him or telling them to go away. You'll walk away from the shopkeeper if you try to talk to him, causing Odile to look at Siffrin with concern. He eats the pain du chocolat in one bite, concerning the pastry maker.

• Says stepping on the banana peel isn't in the stage instructions if u try to use it now.

• Everything that had a smell in earlier chapters now smells like sugar.

• If you interact with the cookies on floor one Siffrin will try to eat one. It's as hard as a rock.

• Interacting with the landscape drawings in the broken egg key room makes them hysterically ask if they'll ever see anything outside this loop ever again.

• A new group of drawings are also here of Siffrin with his face completely blotted out like the friendship drawing.

• The dictionary makes him scream that he isn't taciturn anymore, is he?!

• Interacting with the "grape juice for adults" makes them say they hate alcohol (jlmfr) b4 taking a swig.. only to discover its actually just juice. They remark hysterically they can't even get drunk in peace here!

• Mira's dying plant reminds them of someone, and they remark how there's four happy, never changing plants all together on the other desk before hysterically laughing. Rubs their arms when passing the desks to try to simulate the human contact they'd get in earlier loops from their family.

• Says they'll make all the wishes come true if you Interact with the Head Housemaiden's wish survey.

• Rips the info on the King, if interacted with again they attempt their breathing exercises to no avail then suddenly smell sugar again.

• Looking at the drawings in this office will make Siffrin start thinking about defacing them, but remarks he doesn't have a pencil as he hysterically thinks scribble, scribble, scribble.

• Mocks themself for thinking odile is there if u interact with the checked out book list in the library.

• Gets upset if Interacting with the diary area bc they still can't say the name of their home country. Calls himself a stupid blinding idiot.

• Gets upset at the theater scroll section, stating why read one when you're in one. Tells themself to stop going off script and go if interacted with again.

• Wonders if they'll ever carve again when Interacting with the carving wood. States they'd like to carve the King if so so they can snap him in half if interacted with again.

• Interacting with the cupboard with eyepatch makes them say they're cold, their stomach hurts, they can't stop shaking and a headache is forming from thinking about their mistakes. Then they take the painkillers, one over the recommended dosage for their size.

• Interacting with food shelves makes them ask why their stomach hurts so much and they're so hungry like they haven't eaten in years.

• The croissant cookbook makes them grip their coin.

• The anthology of horror stories makes them repeat the scene with their family, before they mock themself again for knowing it by heart since they have always wanted to never forget

• Breaks one of the statues on the change God shelf in the pottery room.

• Refuses to take the gizmo, stating a fair fight or none at all.

• The clothing closet where Isabeau talks about your cloak makes him repeat the scene though says he's had this cloak forever in shaking text. When Isabeau goes to check the cloak Siffrin says that he doesn't touch them because they're disgusting. They say they're so cold. This time they realize they're hallucinating the others being there when they are going to do the final reply.

• They tell themselves to stop monologuing if they try to go towards the bathrooms.

• You can see the House inhabitants if you leave the final room!! And go back to Dormont to see the party they were getting ready for. The others will join Siffrin out of corcern for his mental state instead of stopping him which is nice. There's a bunch of interactions here I won't note but they're delights.

• Loop is gone, but Siffrin will leave their silver coin where they sat in a custom from his homeland.

Edit: thanks to @cleverretortnotfound for the hint that this changes! Instead of nothing there u find a silver coin. If interacted with he'll remark its the exact same as his own and call out to Loop, then ask if they should call them by their previous name... and Loop reappears. Silently they let Siffrin look them over, and though they don't have any features that mirror Siffrin's own... he knows. Theyre the same person. He takes their own coin out, flipping it before sending it to Loop who catches it without thinking. They look at it for a moment, before saying, "Oh stardust... so, you've won, haven't you? You broke the loops? Defeated the King? Talked to your party? Realized that all along, the reason you were stuck here was because of a stupid blinding wish you made? Awww. I'm soooo happy for you. You got your perfect ending, after all. And now... I have nothing left to say to you. So you should go."

Siffrin doesn't reply, causing Loop to ask why they're there still. What does he want them to say? WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY? HE'S WON!

Once again, Siffrin doesn't reply. Loop laughs, before saying "oh, Stardust! You know, you know I was just like you once! A stupid, aimless traveler, trying to find any reason to keep going! And then, I met everyone! And I felt that finally, I had people i could count on, people I could love! And then, I got scared! And made the exact same mistake you did! Make a stupid blinding wish, hoping I could stay with them! Went through the House, tried to fight the King, tried to win! Did that for so long, I couldn't even give you a number! And then... I couldn't do it anymore. ...You see, not unlike you a few hours ago, I did a very special kind of giving up. But unlike you, who gave up on your wish, and almost destroyed the world in the process... I gave up on my wish, and destroyed myself.

And made another wish instead. I wished it could be over. I wished I could get out of here. I wished for someone to help me. For someone... Anyone, to help me!!! And someone did help me, right? The Universe did! They got me out of here! And trapped me in some other Siffrin's loops instead!!! And it was fine. It was different. It was even peaceful, for a while. I didn't have to stay inside the House, trying to defeat the King. I didn't have to fight, I didn't have struggle, I didn't have to do anything.

(Note: during the last paragraph, during the I wished section up until the scream for anyone to help,, we see stills from the intro animation where Siffrin eats the star. Theres a new still though, a close up of Siffrin crying out before he ate it.)

I just had to watch, and be happy that at least, I wasn't the only idiot out there who trapped themselves eternally in time. I just had to be happy that at least, this time, it wasn't me. And now. And now. AND NOW YOU-!!!

So! Since you won't leave, here's what I'm thinking... let's fight, you and I! Let's have a cute, minuscule, old-fashioned little fight like a bonded couple. Okay~?"

Once again, Siffrin doesn't reply and Loop laughs, "nothing to say, still? Haha... HAHAHAHA!! STARS, killing you would make me SO HAPPY. (note: during this sentence temporarily Loop turns into Siffrin and looks rather... concerning) Are you ready?"

Siffrin tries to speak up, but Loop says they don't get a choice.

The battle commences, with Loop saying let's just get to it. Loop strikes with stars but isn't very strong, they loop back the 1st time you win, the 2nd, the 3rd, and on the fourth the photo changes (will add link to another post with pics later).

At the end of the battle Loop looks away before saying, "you... Siffrin, Stardust, whatever our real name actually is... just kill me."

Siffrin is shocked and asks why. "Why," they say, "Are you stupid? Isn't it obvious?! I wanted to kill you!! So I could take your place!! I wanted what you have!!! Stars, I still do! You... you don't.. you don't want another you walking around. You should just kill me and get on with your stupid life!!"

This makes Siffrin laugh and reply their self-hatred isn't strong enough that'd they'd kill another version of themselves. Loops laughs at that and says he's got weird priorities... then say but what if they're asking him? What if Loop wants this? What if dying is the ending they want?! Siffrin doesn't reply and Loop starts to beg, "Stardust, please, please just kill me!!! I don't want to be here! What else is there for me now?! You've won, so I should be gone!! I can't go back to how it was before, because that past is gone! I can't go back to my friends, because they wouldn't recognize me!! There's nothing else for me to do, no script to follow, no Universe to lead me, I-"

They can't continue, sobbing. "Why.. why did it have to be you...? I could've... I wanted to... if only back then, I... if I had held on longer... maybe then..."

Oh Loop, Siffrin thinks. But don't you get it, he says. Loop asks what is there to get. The reason he succeeded, he replies, but Loop still doesn't understand. They take Loop's face into their hands as they say Loop was the reason they succeeded! Without them, he would've given up too. Because they were by Siffrin's side they continued going. Yes they didn't tell him everything, yeah they didn't know what to do... but knowing they were here and he wasn't alone...

They tearfully reply he's lying, but he says he's not. They shout again Siffrin is lying, but they reply again they're not! They try to scream it again, but siffrin stops them by saying, "Loop. Mira sends her thanks, by the way. They all do." Confused Loop repeats the word thanks, adding "...to me...?"

Siffrin laughs, and reminds them they helped the others get to the King. That they sent their thanks for leading them to Siffrin. For helping them save him. Loop can't reply, and Siffrin says, "See?"

"Stardust... why couldn't it have been me...?" Loop asks, to which Siffrin replies they don't know. Maybe it was the script, maybe it was the Universe, or maybe... maybe it's no one's fault. Loop is silent once more and he replies, "I'm sorry, Siffrin."

Finally using Loops real name. Then adds, "And thank you, Loop. Without you, I would've given up a long time ago. Thank you for helping me, this whole time."

Loop doesn't respond and Siffrin goes, "Loop, we can-"

Loop cuts them off, "Siffrin." He flinches as they continue, "Please, you're going to have to talk to them, from now on. No more keeping how you feel from them. We both know where this leads. And if one day, no matter what you do, everyone's paths and yours diverge... you'll have to learn to be okay with it. We cant... we can't do this again. Hold them hostage, against their knowledge, against their will, just because we're lonely. Learning to talk to them... learning to let go... it'll be hard. It'll feel impossible. You might think you'd rather die than share how you feel. After all, isn't bottling things up the reason you managed to break the loops? You didn't have to tell them anything until the very end, and it turned out fine didn't it?"

Siffrin is silent, then attempts to say but, but if I talked to them earlier, then maybe - then gets cut off by loop, "Yeah, dummy. If only you had been strong enough to talk to them, maybe this whole story wouldn't have happened at all. If only... oh well. It doesn't matter now."

Loop starts to disappear. Siffrin asks where they'll go now? Loop sadly replies, "Oh, stardust... I don't know! I'll join you so we can become one? I'll Die? I'll stay under this tree forever? Does it matter?"

You can choose between it does and I guess it doesn't. I won't update this with the other, I'm sorry but this is taking a toll on me, so I'll atleast tell you what "It does!" Leads to.

They laugh, then say Siffrin's sweet. "Aww, don't worry, Stardust. Somehow... I'm sure I'll see you again. You... and everyone else. Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, and Bonnie. I need to accept their thanks in person, don't I? That's just basic etiquette. And I'll need to give you back your silver coin eventually!"

Siffein agrees, and Loop continues, "...hmm. I'll see you all again soon enough, Stardust. I promise! I super promise! I super duper promise! So don't forget me, okay?"

The screen fades, leading us back to the gang. They welcome Siffrin back and ask if everything's okay. He says he thanked Loop, to which they're relieved. Odile says she was hoping they'd bring em back so she could thank them in person, and the others agree though Isa says they looked shy so maybe they were too embarrassed. Which is too bad because he had so many questions, and so he hopes they see them again soon. Bonnie says they wanted to know how Loop glows and how it felt, to which Mira chides them saying you can't ask someone how they glow. Bonnie is flabbergasted, making the others laugh.

Odile adds she hopes Siffrin told them they can see the gang anytime. Sadly Siffrin smiles before saying he did, and how they too hope Loop says hi again soon. The others note Siffrin looks sad while saying this to which he replies he was thinking of Loop. The others tell them they'll have to tell the gang more about them then soon. Like how they met and why they're a star. Also how they knew about the loops. They then go back to the final room.

• The best artist ever has something new in the epilogue.

Souvenirs

Silver coin

B4: grips it in his pocket.

Epilogue: remarks that it's been with them through it all and feels like it could've been used for something. Backstory no longer unlockable, but can be used at the Favor tree.

Drawn card

B4 epilogue: says it's a traveler walking to their death with open eyes, rips it apart.

The end: looks at the card and just says "it's you!"

Epilogue: says it's a traveler starting a new journey, the card is labeled the fool.

Bright flower

B4 epilogue: tears off all the petals then discards it

The end: says it's still here.

Epilogue: you still have the flower, he says before deciding that it's theirs now!

Friendship doodle

B4: Siffrin's face is blotted out, no reaction to viewing this..

Epilogue: their face is no longer missing. Unknown whether this was a hallucination on their end or not.

Clay

B4: presses it between their hands to try and help them with their breathing exercises.

The end: squish, squish they say.

Epilogue: Clay they say, before making a star. 

Piece of glass

B4: uses it to self harm by piercing it through a bit of the back of their arm multiple times. Says stars afterwards, can't tell if being sarcastic and calling the dots they made that or screaming the word like a curse as usual. (Updated: if used a second time Siffrin says they're making more tiny stars. Concerning)

The end: they say hide it, hide it don't make the others worried.

Epilogue: they become scared and startled, saying they need to be careful. Then they toss it before they can hurt themself.

Broken doll

B4: fixes the clothing on it, if u click on the cupboard it's from again tells it it'll see the end if it's the last thing it does.

The end: turns the doll so it can see everything.

Epilogue: they hold it close as they look at the sky, saying they both made it.

Crumpled poem

B4: genuinely could not read this the first seven times but using the capture reveals after reading it Siffrin repeatedly says they want to go home.

Epilogue: they read it, then say they'll never go home again, but maybe they can make a new one. They can't wait to see if they can.

Mirror picture

B4: no reaction. Says its of them and the actors despite no one being there.

Epilogue: they grip it tightly before tossing it, saying it's in the past now. That they're fine, they're fine! And if not they will be soon.

Long thingy-thing

B4: tosses it, saying it's not needed anymore.

Epilogue: they say it's their long thingy now.

[btsgotjams27]

this is us ~ jjk | 18

you're dreading the meeting in LA, but it's a big city. you're not gonna bump into jungkook, are you?

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, best friend's brother ✨ playlist | ✨ if you haven't read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n: naurrrr--this means the series will be ending soon, but yesss---jk and oc will finally come face to face after a year apart! how will it go down? what's gonna happen? 👀 ✨ a/n 2: thank you to those who have sent in words for the little game. those words will be in bold throughout the rest of the chapters. we still have a podcast episode to celebrate the end of this story and you'll be able to send in questions and comments (a form link will be up when i post the last chapter :')) i'll also have a survey for y'all too :) as always, please leave a like, reblog, send an ask. i'd love to hear your thoughts.

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ drabble ~ dream bigger, darling

chapter eighteen ~ you're seeing things, aren't you? | wc: 10.9k warnings: there will be a lot of talking, mild language, oc’s friends being loveable dummies, light insecurity, heart flutters, language, drinking, sleazy slimeballs, some touching, a slap to the face, unresolved feelings, insecure jk & oc, bamie is hereeee, love confessions, our babies are growing up and taking things slow, they both get on their knees (you'll understand why when u read), delicate first kiss that turns into a heated one, they're both h*rny but remember they're taking thing slow, smol erection bc hello they're together again, jk is tame and controls himself?? (WHUTTTT) but oc needs a lil bit more from him, bittersweet goodbyes (for now)

The impending meeting was coming up at the end of the week. Your agent, Jae, wouldn't take no for an answer and immediately responded to the Netflix executive, saying you’d take the meeting. If the meeting was anywhere else in the world, you wouldn’t hesitate, but the fact that you had to fly out to LA for this made you feel reluctant.

And when everyone heard you’d be in LA, the only topic of conversation was if you were planning to see he-who-must-not-be-named.

"Will you tell Jungkook you're in town?" Hyunie asked as she cut through her French toast covered in Nutella and strawberries. Taehyung leaned over to take a bite from her fork, but she refused to let him have any.

Yoongi sat, wavering his fingers together. “Oh—the plot thickens. Dun, dun, dun.”

He’d become too comfortable knowing your business and complained that he knew too much for his own good. He was cool with you, but his lifestyle was too chill to mesh with everyone else’s dramatics, including yours. Though he works in the movie business, that didn’t mean he wanted his life to be like a goddamn drama.

“Wouldn’t that be weird? To meet up with an ex?” you asked with reluctance as you searched your friend’s faces for any words of advice.

It’d be nice to catch up, you thought, but what if old feelings resurface? Then what? You’d be screwed and have to start from square one again. You had gotten too far to return to the sad, pathetic person you once were.

Hyunie interjects, “Of course not! You’re friends too.”

You deadpanned. “I haven’t spoken to him in over a year–and I’d hardly call us friends.”

Honestly, could you even go back to being just friends? How were you supposed to be friends with your ex-slash-best-friends-little-brother? How can anyone return to being just friends after being with someone like Jeon Jungkook? You could hardly keep your friends now and then to add an ex as a friend? It sounded like a recipe for disaster.

With a mouth full of strawberries, Tae threw in his two cents. “Just go see him. What’s the worst that can happen? You gonna sleep with him?” He smirked and grabbed another bright red strawberry. This conversation amused him for days, making smart comments and occasionally alluding to what the two of you used to have.

“Really, Tae?” You rolled your eyes, sipping your coffee. You’d like to think you had some kind of self-control.

“What? I’m just being realistic here. The two of you probably have all that pent-up sexual frustration, and who knows—you might not be able to contain yourselves if you’re in the same room.” Taehyung wiggled his eyebrows and then bit down his bottom lip, thrusting and slapping the air while in his seat. Hyunie elbowed him in his rib, causing him to groan at the pain. She whispered something indistinct to him, and the two bickered quietly.

You turned to Yoongi. He was always wise and had the right answers. “What should I do?”

You interrupted him just as he was about to sip his coffee. His lips thinned, and he stared blankly at you. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you’re the most unbiased person here, and you don’t know Jungkook like we do.”

Yoongi shrugged. “I don’t know. Do whatever you want. If you want to see him, go see him. If you don’t, then don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

Everyone turned their attention to you, wondering how you’d respond. It wasn't as simple as Yoongi had said. The weight of your previous relationship with Jungkook wasn’t one where you could simply put it behind you and pretend like you could be friends again. There was too much history, too much hurt—just too much of everything. You tried to convince yourself for months that there were no more feelings.

And you had made so much progress, minus being upset when you heard he was in town—but regardless, you had moved on, and seeing Jungkook again could set you back a few steps.

Yoongi set down his knife and fork and turned to you. “You’re a big girl, and you’ve worked through a lot of things, and if you don’t think you can handle seeing him again, then don’t put yourself in that situation. I'm sure he’d understand.”

“Or—or—you could just fuc—”

Hyunie covered Taehyung’s mouth, muffling the rest of his sentence. “Don’t listen to my crazy husband. Do what you think is best for you, okay?”

After brunch with the crazy lovebirds, you sat in Yoongi’s car, staring aimlessly out the window, and said nothing the entire car ride.

As he pulled up to your apartment complex, you needed to ask him again. “Tell me the truth. What would you do in my position?”

He sighed, and his shoulders slumped. He knew you needed reassurance, but honestly, there was no right answer for this situation.

“Well, considering that I’ve gotten to know you over this past year, I'd say that it’s gonna eat at you day and night if you don’t reach out to him. You’ll wonder, ‘what could’ve been’ or ‘what if I did X, Y, and Z?’ You’re good at compartmentalizing, but I have a feeling ten years down the line, you’re gonna be upset at yourself. So, I don’t know, as I said earlier if you want to see him, go see him. If you don’t, then don’t. Whatever you choose will be the right decision.”

But what was the right decision? You thought of all the possible scenarios that could play out. What if you call to meet up, and he doesn’t want to? Or what if you meet up and it’s awkward? Or what if you meet up and old feelings resurface?

You were thankful for Yoongi and glad he could always be honest with you. With his advice in consideration, along with everyone else’s minus Kim Taehyung’s, you pondered your next move as you tossed and turned in bed.

Should you try and meet up with Jungkook? But you were doing so well. You had deleted his number, photos, and texts, and if you wanted his new number, you’d have to ask Yuna, and you wouldn’t hear the end of it from her if you did.

Maybe it’d be easier to just not try to see him. You were sure he was doing well, living in LA, doing whatever he was doing, seeing whomever he wanted. You just didn’t want to return to feeling insecure and vulnerable, and you had worked so hard to be where you are today. Maybe it’d be better if you didn’t tell him you were in town.

A non-stop flight from Seoul to LA was close to eleven hours, but you wished it was longer. The lower the flight time, the higher your anxiety rises. Los Angeles was a big city, and there was no way you’d bump into Jungkook, right? That’s a ridiculous thought to have. You’d have a higher chance of bumping into a celebrity than your ex. You were just psyching yourself out at this point, and there was no need to because you decided not to tell him you’d be in town.

After eleven hours on a flight and only six hours of sleep, you hoped you’d bump into no one. Your swollen ankles and puffy eyes were horrendous for anyone to see. But here you were—in Los Angeles, where many dreams came to fruition or never saw the light of day, and you were hoping for the latter, whatever that dream may be. You were curious about what Netflix had to offer and if it would require you to move here. Though, you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself, thinking about the what-ifs because nothing was set in stone.

Being a huge corporation, Netflix paid for everything—the flight, hotel, and transportation. Not too shabby, especially since they were trying to woo you into whatever job this was. They booked a corner suite at the Conrad Los Angeles, overlooking the city's skyline. The hustle and bustle of city life were similar but different from Seoul and could possibly be a place where you’d have to get used to.

The luxe Mercedes Benz E-Class you were sitting in pulled up behind the slew of cars from other hotel guests. This felt too fancy from anything you were used to, but you weren’t complaining.

You bid your driver farewell and thanked them as he pulled your luggage from the trunk and set it beside you. Just as you grabbed the handle, a driver behind you honked, gesturing for you to move out of the way. You jumped back, your heart racing as the loud horn continued in short outbursts until you stepped onto the hotel’s sidewalk.

God, this city sucks already, you thought, and you hadn’t even been here for that long, either. Brushing off the awful interaction, you breathed a big breath, ready to take on whatever this trip had in store for you.

“Miss? I’ll need a form of ID and a credit card to put on file.”

You handed what the front desk receptionist needed from you. Now, you understood all the buzz and why this was the hot spot. The hotel was gorgeous and a great place to hang out, even if you weren’t a guest.

As the receptionist input your information, your eyes scanned the lobby, taking everything in. A rowdy group of men exited one of the hotel restaurants, entering the lobby. You noticed a man in a monochromatic cream-colored outfit. You appreciate a man who was put together.

After catching a glimpse of him, you could’ve sworn your eyes were deceiving you. No, it wasn’t him. You were seeing things, weren’t you?

This city was far too big for you to end up at the same hotel as your ex-boyfriend, right? Destiny was definitely being a prude and playing tricks on you.

“Here’s your ID and card back. You’re located on the 16th floor, room 1613.”

“Thank you.”

When you grabbed your ID, card, and luggage, you turned around to ensure you were imagining things. The group of men had disappeared and was nowhere to be found. But you shouldn’t be looking for Jungkook anyway. You decided not to tell him you were in town. Wouldn’t you look pathetic going back on your word?

But instead of going directly to your room, you might have ‘taken the long route,’ cruising through the hotel—just to see what they had to offer. Though, who were you kidding? That person definitely looked like Jungkook! Except he had longer hair, and you hadn’t seen any recent photos of Jungkook, so you had no idea if he had shaved his head or had long, glorious hair like Rapunzel.

You would’ve lurked longer, but now you felt super creepy and stalker-ish, and your large rollaway luggage wasn’t helping either. Maybe it was time to give up; you had been looking longer than you should’ve.

If there was one thing that could possibly make up for the shitty interaction from the furious man honking away like there was no tomorrow—it was the view. The city skyline and clear blue skies with only a few scattered marshmallow-type clouds floating around.

The room was too big for just one person, and you weren’t sure what to do with yourself to kill time before your big meeting. So, you quickly freshen up to roam around the five-star hotel. You had nothing better to do, save for the fact that you needed to find that guy again, just to make sure it wasn’t Jungkook.

And as you expected, this hotel was packed with people. The restaurant's decor and view were stunning, to say the least. You didn’t want to keep going back and forth between the various choices of restaurants, so you stuck with the first place you saw, Agua Viva.

A small commotion turned your head; your eyes focused on it for a split second before returning your attention to the host. You cleared your throat, “I’m sorry. Yes, a seat at the bar is great. Thank you.”

You scanned the drink menu, pondering the various choices before you. Alcohol or no alcohol—such a hard decision. Well, considering you were going to an important meeting, it was probably best not to be tipsy, or it could calm your nerves.

“Hello, miss. What’ll you have?”

It was a toss-up between the Tornup Tiki Punch or Flamingo Shuttle. What silly names they were.

“I’ll have a Flamingo Shuttle, please.”

Non-alcoholic it is.

“One Flamingo Shuttle coming right up.”

You tapped on the square napkin before you, swiveling your chair back and forth, taking in the surroundings of light laughter and chatter, before returning your attention to the bartender making your drink.

In a city of 3.8 million people, it was stupid to think you had seen Jungkook. Maybe you just wanted it to be him and desperately tried to speak it into existence. You probably had a better chance of bumping into a Kardashian than Jeon Jungkook.

“Is this seat taken?”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath before turning around to confirm your suspicions about the familiar voice.

It’s like time stood still; everything and everyone quieted down, and it was only you and him. He was like a stranger from a different lifetime staring back at you, but everything you felt while with him came rushing back like a flood.

“Jungkook.” His name rolled off your lips in a familiar way you couldn’t explain. It had such a hold on you, pulling you right back like a lovesick puppy.

“Noona,” he said with his big brown, doe eyes crinkling in the corner, along with a bunny smile.

The one word made you clench around nothing, but it’s just a word–what’s wrong with you? Honestly, woman.

“Is this seat taken?” He repeated, making you come back to reality.

“No, it’s yours if you’d like.”

You watched his every move. His hand held your stool, and his thumb lightly brushed against your back as he sat down. Immediately, you straighten your posture in case of any other accidental touches.

Jungkook crossed his arms on the counter, turning to you. The both of you smiled awkwardly, waiting for someone to say something.

“I thought I saw you,” the both of you said in unison and chuckled after.

“It’s me,” you scrunch your nose, flashing a smile.

Jungkook shook his head, copying your smile. “I thought I was going crazy for a split second. Wha–” he paused to let his mind catch up with his words. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for a meeting.”

He nodded. “Oh. It must be an important meeting if you flew all the way out here.”

You hummed. “Yeah, it’s pretty important.”

Should you spare more details? Or just leave it at the bare minimum? You didn’t want him to conjure up any ideas as you had been for the last few weeks.

“Your Flamingo Shuttle, miss. Would you like to bill it to your room?”

“Yes, please.” If Netflix was paying, you were drinking.

You lightly groaned after taking a sip, not realizing you’d been thirsty after flying all day, or was it Jungkook’s presence making you feel suddenly parched?

“Anything for you, sir?” The bartender asked Jungkook, to which he shook his head no.

“It’s good to see you,” Jungkook said as the bartender left to attend to another guest.

Your crossed leg unintentionally touched his pant leg when you turned toward him. You took your time letting your eyes gaze over this new Jeon Jungkook. His permed hair had grown longer, and a fringe was swept softly across his left eye. The piercing that adorned his eyebrow had disappeared, and the only thing decorating that pretty face was a lip piercing.

“It’s really good to see you too. You look great, by the way. I love the long hair. It really suits you.” You couldn’t help but wonder how his hair would feel entangled between your fingers.

He proceeded to touch the ends. “Thanks. You–you always look great,” he chuckled lightly.

Your heart skipped a beat at the compliment as you suppressed a smile. “Thanks. I–um, do you have time to catch up? If you’re not busy, that is, but if you are, then please feel free to go. I don’t–I don’t want to keep you from anything.”

“I have some time,” he said with a twinkle in his eyes and his tiny dimple on display.

Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad as you made it in your head. You were overanalyzing nothing. Jungkook seemed happy to see you, even though you thought he’d be running in the other direction, considering he had left on a whim.

“Um, do you work around here?”

“Yeah, I was just getting some early drinks with my colleagues.”

Your mind immediately went to Alex, which you fucking hated, but you couldn’t help it. Obviously, she wasn’t with the group of him and rowdy men, but you assumed they still worked together, and who knew in what kind of capacity–or maybe she had him eating in the palm of her hands again.

You stopped the ongoing conversation in your head. It wasn’t good for anyone if this continued.

“This is a great place. I can see why you’d come here.” He hummed in agreement. “How–how are you? How’s everything?”

Jungkook cleared his throat, interlocking his hands together, light tapping his thumb on the other. “It’s good. I’m—good. Work has been going well. I, uh—I’ve taken up running along with boxing, but Bam–he’s a handful.”

“Bam?”

“Yeah! My dog.”

“You have a dog?”

“He’s still a pup, but he’s getting so big already.” Jungkook pulled his phone from his back pocket, scrolling to find a photo of Bam. “See.” He set his phone on the counter, pushing it to you.

“Oh, my god. He’s precious! He has big doe eyes like his dad,” your mouth curved into a smile. “He’s perfect for you.”

Jungkook cleared his throat, pressing the off button on his phone. “How are you? What’s new?”

His question was so broad you weren’t sure where to start. He obviously knew about your meeting but didn’t know what it was for. But how much information would you feel comfortable divulging?

“I’m good.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “I just got back from a solo trip, and then this whole LA thing happened, and now I’m here.”

“Ah–right. Yuna told me about your trip. How was it? Did you enjoy yourself?”

You nodded. “It was great. I practically laid out on the beach most of the time, got some sun in,” you smiled and shrugged. “And what about you? I heard you were back in Seoul for a little bit.”

He hummed. “Yeah, for my mom’s birthday dinner, and I finally got to meet Indie.”

“Ugh, I love that little booger,” you chimed in.

“She’s amazing, and she’s growing up so fast.”

“Right? She grew up in a blink of an eye.”

Then you realized Jungkook had missed most, if not the entirety, of Indie's first year. Time had passed, and you had also grown and blossomed without your awareness in the midst of it all.

Jungkook beamed a soft smile.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” you asked again, searching for the bartender.

He shook his head. “I’m good, thanks.”

“Positive?” You gave him a look.

He nodded. “Still trying to take care of me?”

“Well–I am older than you.”

Jungkook chuckled and turned away for a moment. “I, uh, already had some earlier, remember? So, I shouldn’t have anymore.”

“What? You can’t hold your liquor anymore, old man?” you teased.

He scoffed at your lame joke. “Are you taunting me?”

It almost felt like old times when you were just friends, ragging on each other.

You sipped your drink before answering, “Yes.”

He flashed a close-lipped smile. “Can I take a rain check?”

You hummed lightly. “You got it.”

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck and swiveled in his chair, lightly brushing his knee against yours. “Do you have my new number?”

You bit the inside of your cheek. No, because you recently deleted all his contact, texts, and photos. You shook your head.

He held out his hand, wavering his fingers for your phone. You gave it over without hesitation and watched as he saved his number. “Call me if you need anything or want to get that drink before you leave.”

He handed it back, his fingers softly touching yours. “I should go. I left Bam too long by himself.”

Your heart almost leaped out of your chest and onto the counter, your stomach fluttering with a swarm of butterflies and the bead of sweat on the nape of your neck finally caressing your skin when he touched you. “Yeah, sure, of course.” You nervously scratched your temple. “I, uh, I should get going too. I have my meeting soon.”

Jungkook smiled and stood, and you followed suit. He stepped back, straightening his cream-colored jacket and smoothing down his pants. “I’ll talk to you soon?”

You weren’t sure if he really meant it or if it was just an expression. Either way, you didn’t want to put more meaning into it than needed. You smiled and hummed.

He stepped away, waving his hand before walking off into the sea of people who just entered the restaurant.

You half expected him to look back, but he didn’t. He was calm, cool, and collected as he confidently walked away, making you think he was over you.

Jungkook sat in his Uber, pinching himself to ensure he wasn’t dreaming–that he really saw you and had a conversation, and it wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be. Unless it was awkward, and he invented a fictitious scenario in his head, misunderstood your body language, and misinterpreted your words.

“Sir?”

“Oh, uh, sorry. Yes, you can drop me off right here.” Jungkook’s mind raced back and forth, replaying the conversation.

He closed the car’s door, shuffling to the apartment complex’s gate. He punched in the code, rushing to his place to let Bam out.

The 50-pound puppy popped his head up, panting and wagging his tail as he saw his owner. Bam sprung to his feet and dashed over to Jungkook, smelling and licking his palm more than normal.

“I know, Bamie. I know.”

Jungkook smelled different. He must’ve had the faintest smell of you on him.

“Come on, boy. You’ve been waiting for me for too long.”

Bam whined when Jungkook’s mind was on something else and did not notice him. He was scratching Bam’s belly, staring off into space with nothing but you on his mind. It’s like you had completely taken over him like you were his paradise, and even if he tried to resist, it was probably useless now. He could never escape you.

Should he go back to the hotel? Would that seem too needy? He thought he was trying to get over you, but here you were, right in front of him, practically within reach—no ocean between the two of you. If now wasn’t the time, then when?

Was he prepared to fight for you? To be with you again? Was he ready for you to reject him if he wanted more, but you didn’t?

He sighed, fighting with himself for his next move. Whatever his decision, he wanted to ensure it was the right one. The real question was—did he want to be with you again after all this time?

The answer was yes—it has always been yes. You’re it. You’ve ruined him—it will always be you.

He was so close to getting in his car and driving back. Every cell in his body was urging him to go and confess his undying love—that is, until he remembered he ran away, that he hurt you.

What if you had moved on but didn't want him to know? He had no right to delve into your business anymore. What if you had moved on with that Yoongi guy? He'd heard that guy's name too many times from Yuna and Taehyung for him not to suspect anything was up with the two of you. You looked so happy with Yoongi that one time he saw you. Maybe he was the cause of your euphoria, the person you spent all your time with, the person you dreamed with, shared your hopes with—maybe you had fully closed the chapter that Jungkook was a part of, and Yoongi was the ‘take two’ of your story.

But could Jungkook just be a foolish dreamer? Thinking he still had a chance with you?

He'd given you his phone number, and the ball was now in your court. If you wanted to, then you’d contact him. Otherwise, perhaps it's best that he's not constantly chasing you. If you still wanted him, then you needed to let him know, and if you didn’t, then maybe he could finally try to let you go.

You checked yourself one last time, smoothing out your tailored skirt and matching blazer. You wished you had chosen another pair of heels, but your nude slingbacks were the only things you packed, so it’d have to suffice. With a swipe of your raspberry lip tint, you were now ready to charm whoever this executive was.

The hostess led you through the restaurant to a private dining lounge. A few guests were scattered far and wide while light jazz music and laughter filled your ears. Were all Netflix meetings always this fancy? You had looked up the menu beforehand, and the prices were somewhat reasonable for dinner, but you’d be fine with instant ramen from the convenience store. You could probably order the whole menu if you wanted since you weren't paying.

“Mr. Wells will be here shortly,” the hostess smiled, leaving you at the table as you mindlessly fiddled with your thumbs.

You wondered how your name even landed on the desk or email of someone across the ocean. Or could Jae just be a great writing agent, and he just had his connections? Maybe you’d find out during this dinner.

A waitress stopped by the table, bringing glasses of water and a bottle of Champagne.

“Oh–I didn’t order this.”

“Mr. Wells did. He wanted to apologize in advance for his lateness. He’s held up in traffic at the moment.” The waitress poured the champagne into two tall flutes.

Fifteen minutes went by as you sat waiting for this Netflix exec. He was already leaving a bad taste in your mouth because of his lateness, but it’s not like you had any other plans.

You scanned the room, watching others converse and eat before pulling out your phone. You went to your contacts and scrolled down to Jungkook’s name. It was like deja vu all over again–staring aimlessly at his name, whether or not to delete it or keep it. Only this time, he would hopefully pick up the call.

You were tempted to text him to see what he was up to. Considering it was a Friday night, he was probably out with friends, maybe Jimin or a girlfriend. You’d heard from Taehyung that they hung out fairly often. At least he had a friendly face in this city.

A low, husky voice said your name, making you look up from your phone. The man standing before you was not someone you pictured. If you had all the confidence in the world, you’d whistle and holler at this Park Seo Joon look alike.

“I’m Zachary Wells, but just call me Zach.” He grinned as he quickly scanned your face and held out his hand. You stood to shake it.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you and your work,” Zach said, gesturing for the both of you to sit.

“You have?”

“Whenever Kenji is in town, you’re all he ever talks about.”

Ah, Kenji. You should’ve known. Well, you supposed one of your exes was good for something.

Zach grabbed the attention of the waitress. “Should we order dinner? I’m starving.”

The two of you had a lot in common. Zach was fairly easy to talk to and was a chatterbox. But just like Kenji, Zach was avoiding why he had wanted to meet you in the first place.

The conversation had finally winded down after an hour, and the champagne and water washed down the last of your dinner. And now, only one thing remains.

“So, you’re probably wondering why I wanted to meet with you.” You hummed. "Well, as you know, we've been expanding Netflix into South Korea, and we're picking up a lot of Korean dramas as demand grows here in the States. As I was talking with Kenji, we thought you’d be perfect for the role of director for creative marketing. I understand you've been a writer for a long time, but I believe you have the potential to help us thrive even more with your market knowledge and insight.”

“Would that mean I wouldn’t have to move out here? That I could stay in Seoul?” It was the first thought on your mind.

“We’d onboard you here in LA for a few months and then get you settled back in Seoul.”

Zach’s offer was too good to be true and to pass up. You didn’t have anything else going for you right now. No show and only a half-finished script.

“So? What do you think?” Zach leaned back in his seat, draping his arm behind you, scanning you from head to toe. He finished the last of his champagne, gesturing for the waitress to bring another one.

It’s not like you could give him an answer right here, right now–coming to live in LA, leaving your life and friends behind. It was a big ask and not a decision you’d take lightly.

Your silence encouraged him to move closer, and his knee knocked into yours. “What do I have to do to convince you?” he said, his finger lightly brushing against your knee.

Immediately, you pulled back, pushing his hand away. “Is this how you get everyone to come to work for you?” You scowled, disgusted by his action.

“This is an opportunity of a lifetime, babe. Don’t waste it.” Zach raised his brows, waiting for you to change your mind. He tried to touch you again, but a loud smack echoed throughout the room, making others around you stop and look at the commotion.

“You’re feisty. I like that.” Zach licked his lips, massaging his cheek.

“You’re a disgusting pig.”

He scoffed. “Oh, am I? I’m here trying to give you a job, and here you are, being a fucking bitch. I hear you have nothing else lined up for you, right? And I can easily tell everyone in this industry to never give you another job again.” He threatened and then proceeded to move in again.

“If you touch me again. I’ll fucking scream,” you seethed, your face warm to the touch, smoke fuming from your ears.

Zach rolled his eyes and threw his hands in defeat. “Fine–have it your way. Good luck getting a job in this industry ever again,” he spat out before leaving.

Everyone in the restaurant was looking at you. You cowered, unsure of where to go or what to do. You weren’t expecting this turn of events. It was just too good to be true.

This whole trip felt like a bust. You came here expecting to return to Seoul with a job but instead had a creepy interaction with a high-level executive, and they paid for everything, including your flight and hotel. You shivered at the thought of him knowing exactly where you were staying. You were alone in a big city, and the only person you knew was your ex-boyfriend.

You illuminated your phone to check the time, debating whether to call Jungkook. Would it be weird? Would you look desperate if you called? It’s not like you had any dignity left anyway.

Unlocking your phone, you clicked on Jungkook’s contact; your thumb hovered over the call button. Fuck it, you thought and pressed call.

It rang a few times before Jungkook’s familiar voice was on the other end—it felt like old times.

Hello?

“Hey, it’s me.”

Hey. I was hoping you’d call. Are you done with your meeting already?

“Yeah, um, would you mind picking me up at the restaurant?”

Yeah! Of course. Text me the address. I’m coming right now.

Jungkook zipped through the city, and thankfully, there wasn’t any heavy traffic to slow him down. He got to the restaurant in less than 20 minutes. He pulled up and saw you waiting on the sidewalk with your arms crossed, trying to keep yourself warm. Parking the car, he ran over to you.

“Hey—are you okay?” he asked with concerned eyes, scanning you from head to toe, ensuring you weren’t hurt.

“Yeah, can we go?” Your body language was telling Jungkook otherwise.

He opened the door for you, and you quickly got in, fastening your seat belt and breathing a sigh of relief once you lay against the headrest. Jungkook looked over, biting his cheek as he could tell you weren’t okay—your eyes were glassy, and he could see how your mascara smudged. He began to input the address for the hotel, but you stopped him.

“Can—can we go back to your place?” Jungkook perked up. “I don’t want to be alone, if that’s okay.”

He certainly wasn’t going to deny you. “Yeah, of course. That’s fine with me.”

“Are you sure?”

It probably wasn’t fair of you to do this to him.

“Yeah, of course. Anything for you.”

“Jungkook, you can totally say no—”

He gently placed his hand on top of yours. “Hey—it’s okay. We’ll go to my place.”

You waited a good distance behind Jungkook as he unlocked the door. He took a step but then stepped back and turned to you.

“Bam gets excited when new people come over. So, I apologize if he’s a bit wild.”

You smiled, assuring him you’d be okay. You were nervous but psyched to meet him, actually—you hoped he would like you. Considering Jungkook was his owner, Bam would probably be the sweetest pup.

As soon as Jungkook opened the door, the brown-coated Doberman greeted him. He knelt down, rubbing his floppy ears. “I told you I wouldn’t be gone long, right, Bamie?”

Jungkook looked at you, beaming a wide smile before returning to his puppy. Bam’s tongue hung out as he panted, looking in your direction–he really did have big, doe eyes like Jungkook. Maybe they were drawn to each other through lingering starry eyes.

He let go of him, and immediately Bam came to sniff your hand, giving a few licks before looking up at you. “I think he likes you.”

“Whew—I passed Bam’s vibe check,” you joked as you crouched down to cup his face, in which Bam licked your chin. “Oh–” You scrunch your eyes closed and giggle at the pup. He really was so sweet.

“Bam—house,” Jungkook commanded. Bam whined quietly before following his owner’s order. He pouted the entire stroll to his crate. As he lay down, he took his turtle chew toy into his mouth, making it squeak.

You slipped off your shoes and set down your bag, looking around Jungkook’s apartment. As you expected, it was squeaky clean, with a few photo frames of his mom, Yuna, and Indie. Then you noticed the ‘Rising Star’ award he had displayed on a shelf next to a few other awards he must’ve gotten at his new job. The stark white walls and flooring contrasted against the black and brown hue furniture. You chuckled to yourself when you saw the workout equipment in the corner—of course; it’s right in his living room.

“If you’re tired, you can take my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

“Oh–” It wasn’t your intention to sleep here. You didn’t want to be alone after that icky interaction with Zach. “I’m okay. Do you just want to hang out and talk for a little bit?”

Jungkook took a big gulp and cleared his throat. He figured this was the moment of truth. He didn’t know what to expect anymore–it could be good or bad.

“Yeah,” he smiled, making his way to the couch, gesturing for you to do the same. “Make yourself at home.”

That was easier said than done. You felt intrusive and feared that you crossed a boundary you shouldn’t have.

He watched you sit on the opposite end. And never in a million years did he think you’d be here, sitting with him. Is it possible that you have found some way to forgive him?

Your eyes found his, and the two of you nervously chuckled.

“Can I get you anything? Water? Coffee? Tea?”

You shook your head. You didn’t mind just sitting here and being in his presence. It felt so comforting after such a long day of traveling and a shitty meeting.

“How was your meeting? Did it go well?”

You sighed, positioning your body toward him as you leaned against the couch. You purse your lips before answering him. “The guy was a bit of a douche. The job sounded like a great opportunity, but I refuse to work with someone who thinks I’ll sleep with them for a job.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened, and he shifted in his seat. “I’m sorry, what?”

You could see Jungkook clenching his fist, but honestly, he had nothing to worry about. You hoped the slap Zach got was more than enough to scare him off.

You held your hands up to calm him down. “I can take care of myself, Jungkook,” you assured him. “He got a nice slap from me,” you beamed.

He breathed a sigh, relaxing his body into the couch cushion. “I’m sorry the meeting wasn’t everything you had hoped for.”

You shrugged. “It’s whatever. I’m sure something better will come along.”

“I’m sure it will.”

“So, what were you doing on a Friday night? I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.” You scanned the room, and there was nothing indicating he had company over.

Jungkook pouted, shaking his head. “Just hanging out with Bam.”

“No girlfriend or anything?”

Jungkook suppressed a smile, but he couldn’t help it. Maybe this was your subtle way of asking if he was seeing anyone. “No. No girlfriend. LA girls aren’t really my type.” Because you were, he thought. As hard as he tried to let you go, he just couldn’t.

You hummed and then wanted to kick yourself because that question came out of nowhere, but it was the question lingering on your mind ever since he had left. Someone who looked like him would’ve surely had women lined out the door, ready and willing to date him and bear his children.

“What about you? Do you have a boyfriend?” he asked, avoiding your gaze.

“No. No boyfriend.”

“So, you’re not seeing that Yoongi guy?”

You licked your lips, the corners of your mouth curving into a smile. “I’m guessing you heard that name from Yuna or Taehyung?” He nodded. “He’s just a friend and a pain in my ass.”

“Ah–got it.”

“And what about Alex? Is she still around?” You couldn’t not ask. It was like a giant elephant hanging out in the room with you.

Jungkook figured her name would come up sooner or later. “Alex’s not working for the company anymore. She moved out of the country.”

“Good,” you huffed; if she wasn't near Jungkook, that made you happy.

“You really hate her, huh?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

Jungkook softly chuckled, letting a beat pass. “I’m sorry, by the way.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Everything that happened with us.”

“I’m sorry too.” Your lips thinned, your fingers unconsciously picking at your hand.

“Why are you sorry?”

You appreciated that he didn't point out your flaws, but he wasn’t the only one at fault. Neither one of you was perfect. “Jungkook, you’re not the only one to blame. I should have communicated my feelings better when we were together.”

He nodded in agreement. “Do you think you could ever forgive me?”

Initially, it was hard to even think about forgiving Jungkook, but as time passed, the pain and hurt subsided. “Mm. I forgive you. Do you forgive me?”

“Yes,” he chimed in. You chuckled at how fast he answered. “What?” He raised his eyebrow.

You shook your head. “Nothing–”

“Just say it.”

“I shouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because—I just—shouldn’t.” You wanted to say you found him cute and endearing and that he forgave others too quickly.

“Fine,” he pouted, shifting his leg onto the couch.

Your mouth opens involuntarily, exhaling a yawn from exhaustion. The time difference really fucked you up. Quickly, you covered it with both hands and excused yourself.

“Am I boring you?” Jungkook teased.

“Yes, actually. I hadn’t realized you’d become so dull,” you quipped, covering another yawn. “See—so boring that you’re making me sleepy.” You leaned on your arm against the back cushion.

“Or maybe you’re just becoming an old lady.”

You scoffed. “I’m an old lady? You’re the one who’s staying in on a Friday night! Old man.”

“Yeah, I had to stay in, just in case an old lady needed me.” Jungkook giggled and looked away before returning to meet your eyes. “I’ve missed this.”

“What?”

“Us.”

It was this specific moment when you moved into flight mode. You gave a half-smile and shifted your position so your feet touched the ground. You checked your phone for the time. “I should get an Uber and go back to my hotel.”

“I can take you.”

“Jungkook, you’ve done so much for me already. I don’t want you to have to drive back and forth.”

“I don’t mind—honestly.”

You stood up. “I know you don’t—but I do. It’s okay—really.” You unlocked your phone and pulled up the app, determined to call for a car. All of this was becoming too much for you, for your heart. His presence, the giggles, the familiarity of what the two of you used to be.

Jungkook stood and walked over to you, gently pushing away your phone. “What’s going on? Tell me the truth.” He could always tell when your mind was working overload—racing with thought after thought.

Should you tell him why you needed to leave after the two of you had a nice, civil conversation without screaming or yelling? Your therapist did tell you that no one would know how you feel unless you told them—and you just told Jungkook that you should communicate better.

Ugh, goddamnit. 

Speak now or forever, hold your peace.

You didn’t want to revert back to your old ways—being anxious, self-conscious, unsure of what you wanted. You sighed. “The truth?” Jungkook nodded. “The truth is—I probably shouldn’t have called you.”

“Why?” he asked as his starry eyes gazed deeply into your soul.

“Because—I was—I am scared.”

Jungkook raised his eyebrow, unsure of why you’d be scared. “Scared of what?”

“I was scared that if I called you and we talked—old feelings would resurface, and I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.”

“You still have feelings for me?”

“I think so? I’m—I’m not sure,” you stammered. “That’s why I didn’t call you in the first place when I knew I was coming to LA, and then when I happened to bump into you—well, I guess what I’m trying to say is that yes, I still have feelings for you.”

His eyes fell to the floor, and he sucked in his lips, trying not to smile, before looking back at you. “Am I the mistake?”

You shook your head. “You were never a mistake.”

“Then what mistakes are you referring to?”

You hung your head and sat back down, and Jungkook followed suit. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, and he looked at you, waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know. Me—falling too fast, building fantasies inside my head, knowing it’ll never be real, not saying how I feel, pushing away people who love me. Should I keep going?”

“So, you didn’t want to call me and come here because you were scared all that’s gonna happen if you talked to me? Is that right?”

It sounded ridiculous, but he hit the nail on the head.

You hummed.

There was the slimmest chance of you bumping into Jungkook while in the same city, but you hadn’t fully prepared yourself if you did bump into him. You weren’t ready for the unresolved feelings and the smallest flutters of butterflies, your body to warm up to the simplest of accidental touches and soft giggles.

You could’ve just sucked it up, called an Uber, returned to your hotel, and tried to brush off the slimy interaction with the Netflix exec, but instead, you called the one person you knew would bring you comfort—Jungkook.

Should you just be completely honest and bare your soul? You were halfway there. Maybe it was time to grow up and just say what the fuck you wanted.

Jungkook was silent and waited to see if you had anything else.

You cleared your throat, thinking it was now or never.

“Our breakup,” you paused to recollect yourself and to stop your lips from quivering so much. You started again, “Our breakup—it really fucked me up. You left without saying goodbye, and after that, I kind of spiraled—drinking every day, showing up late to set, and ditching our friends. Hell—I almost let some random guy fuck me in a bathroom.”

You sighed. “I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, but I needed to go through all those things to be where I am today. I’ve done a lot of work on myself and had a lot of healing through therapy, a solo trip, and some new friends–okay, just one new friend, but that's beside the point–I just don’t want to go back to the same person I was before.”

Jungkook opened his mouth to speak, but you stopped him.

“I’m not saying that being here with you again will make me become the person I was before—I just want to make better decisions being the new person I am now.”

Finally, hearing how you felt after all this time relieved him. He had waited so long for you to finally share yourself with him.

Jungkook’s mouth moved from side to side, nibbling on his bottom lip before he spoke, “I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye. The weekend in Jeju really fucked me up. So much was happening with Taehyung and Hyunie’s wedding, and then we were on the brink of breaking up while pretending to be happy. My heart and my mind were all over the place. Then I saw you with Yoongi, and that really sent me over the edge because that’s when I knew I had lost you and could never get you back—no matter how hard I tried, I don’t think anything would’ve worked. So—I left.”

Your jaw tightened, trying to hold back tears as Jungkook recounted his side of the story. You didn’t know he saw you with Yoongi; it must’ve been shortly after you returned from Jeju. And as much as you were hurting, so was he.

Well, since both of you were in apology mode.

“I’m sorry too,” you said. “Growing up, it was only me. I had to do everything myself because my parents weren’t really there for me, and so I always felt like I didn’t want to bother others with my burdens. I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m slowly learning that I don’t have to do everything alone—that it’s okay to ask for help. So, I’m sorry I never communicated well and kept things from you.”

He licked his lips, thinking about how new this was all for him—you baring your feelings. “No, that makes sense. I get it.”

“You do?”

“I mean—I’m not perfect either. We both made mistakes, but you’re wrong about one thing.”

You raised your eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“You had me and Yuna, and you know my mom loves you like you’re her own. She might love you more than she loves me,” he said. “And you know you can always tell me what’s going on. I’ll always be here for you—no matter what happens between us.”

You grinned because he was right. You had overlooked the huge part that their family played in your life. You couldn’t discount that.

“If there’s one thing I truly regret from all of this—it’s cutting ramen out of my diet since I’ve moved here,” he joked to lighten the mood.

You dramatically gasped, covering your mouth. “You cut ramen from your diet? It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.”

The two of you giggled.

“I guess we’ve both done some growing up, huh?” Jungkook knocked his knee into yours.

“Yeah, looks like it.”

“So, what now?”

You shrugged, unsure of Jungkook’s feelings, but you wanted to express yours. “I don’t want to wake up one day and regret not trying again. I want you. I want all of you, but I'm scared—scared that I'll get hurt and go back to my old ways. I’ve had a lot of healing, and I'm in a good place, but seeing you again, being near you, makes me want to forget everything that has happened and jump in your arms and tear off your clothes.”

Jungkook covered his mouth as he silently chuckled at your confession.

“Are you basking in my misery?” you sneered.

His lips turned into a pout as he shook his head. “No, I just—this is what I wanted all along while we were dating.”

“What? Me acting like a fool?”

“No—you telling me how you feel, tell me how much you want me, to claim me as yours.”

You opened your mouth and made a face. “You want me to grovel? Get on my knees?”

Jungkook bit his tongue when you got down on your knees in front of him. He had to tell himself and his dick to calm the fuck down because it was not the time and place to be thinking of such naughty things.

You gazed up at him; seeing him squirm was fun. “You like me on my knees?” you asked, sitting back on your legs.

He cleared his throat, adjusting his sweats as he shifted back on the couch. He thought back to the very first time you sucked him off after having dinner with Yuna and your mom. “I’m sorry. I think you were confessing your love for me. Go on. I’m all ears.”

You smacked his thigh. “I’m—you’re ruining this moment!”

“I’m ruining it? You’re the one who got down on your knees! You know how much I love that,” he mumbled the last of his words.

You turned and cupped your ear toward him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t catch that.”

“Just—go on. You were saying?” He cocked his head to the side, waiting for you.

You huffed, tilting your head back before landing on his sparkly doe eyes and cute little dimple peeking through. “I am stupidly in love with you, Jeon Jungkook, and I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you again.”

Jungkook felt a sense of relief when he heard those words, but there was still a small sliver of fear. “What if we’re just fooling ourselves into thinking this will work?”

“Then I guess we can be fools together.”

After baring your soul to Jungkook, you wanted nothing more than to jump into his lap and ride him like an endless merry-go-round, but you’ve changed and didn’t want to regret anything going forward with him. The two of you needed to take things slow and steady because you wanted to win the race.

The two of you stayed up late—talking, drinking beer, and catching each other up on life until the sun came up. It was like no time had passed, and you picked up right where you left off.

Bam had taken a liking to you, staying by your side, following you whenever you got up and moved around. He wouldn’t let you out of his sight. He definitely took after Jungkook.

The size of your bladder warranted another trip to the bathroom, and when you returned to where Jungkook and Bam were, you noticed Jungkook in a compromising position.

“Why are you on one knee? Are you taking a page out of my book?” you teased, not wanting to jump to any conclusions because you both agreed on taking it slow.

Without an answer, he took out something he was hiding behind his back. He held a blue velvet box in the palm of his hand.

Your eyes widened, and your heart raced rapidly because you knew exactly where that box was from. You and Yuna had looked at engagement rings for hours on end when the two of you thought Namjoon was getting ready to propose. You had mentioned it too many times to Jungkook while the two of you were dating. There’s no way he’d be proposing, right?

This whole thing with Jungkook was new—well, not really new, but you’d have to turn him down if he were to ask your hand in marriage. You were definitely not ready because the two of you had just agreed to try this relationship again.

“What the fuck is that? It better be a ring pop,” you implored. He slowly shook his head, beaming a smile from ear to ear. You repeated ‘no’ under your breath, shaking your head.

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“Oh—I know what it is!”

Jungkook leaned over on his knee toward you. “Okay, so tell me.”

“It’s—it’s the ring that I couldn’t stop talking about. Why do you have it?”

He giggled at how cute and flustered you had become. “For once, you’re wrong.”

“I’m never wrong,” you huffed.

He stood, making his way to you, lifting your chin with his index finger. He stared deeply into your eyes. “You are completely and utterly wrong.”

You pouted and crossed your arms. “Prove it.”

Jungkook sighed at how stubborn you were. He opened the blue velvet box, and it was not the ring you had envisioned. “It’s a promise ring.” Because it was the ring that complimented the engagement set.

You visibly gulped, and there was a sense of relief. “A promise ring?”

He nodded. “You are everything I could ever want and more. It’s always been you, and there’s gonna be no one else for me. You are worth walking through hell and back, and considering we’ve done that already—I’d do it again if I had to, but please, please—I don’t want to do it again,” he pleaded, making you smile. “If you’ll let me, I want to love you and show you I’m worthy of your love every day for the rest of my life.”

You found yourself grinning from ear to ear, loving his little declaration of love. You moved closer to him, looking at the ring and then at him. “I want to make this right—us. I was wrong for not fighting for you—for us, and I don’t want to make that mistake again.”

He pulled the ring from the box, grabbed your left hand, and placed the piece of jewelry on your finger. “We’re in this together—you and me.”

You glanced at the ring, smiling at how pretty it looked on your finger. “You and me.”

A lot has happened in the last 24 hours—you flew to LA, had your meeting, and rekindled your relationship with Jungkook. The last thing wasn’t anything you expected, but it became the silver lining to this short trip you were dreading in the first place.

The pair of you couldn’t stop smiling and giggling in the elevator up to your hotel room–mind you, you’d kept your distance from him the entire night, but it was becoming pure and complete utter torture.

Your time in LA was already coming to an end, and everything in you wanted to just leave your life behind and stay, but you had to resist; you had to fight it—at least for now.

“So,” you trailed off, unsure what to say to him.

“So,” he repeated, leaning next to your door.

You both smiled and laughed at the tension filling the hallway.

“Do you,” you paused to think through your words, “want to come in until I have to leave?” This was a good boundary, you thought–just until you had to leave for the airport.

Jungkook licked his lips, flipping his lip ring back and forth with his tongue. His eyes explored your face before landing on your lips. “I’d love to, but we know if I do, then you won't get anything packed, and you’ll for sure miss your flight.”

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, and playfully smacked his chest. “I have no idea what you’re alluding to, mister.”

But you fucking knew and wanted it too.

He eliminated the distance between you, slowly caging you against the door. You closed your eyes when he gently caressed your cheek with the pad of his thumb. You had forgotten how much you had missed his touch—your body was glowing inside, illuminated from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. You wanted nothing but to savor this moment—a moment you thought ceased to exist, a moment you thought only existed in your reveries.

The tiny hairs on your skin, tingling, standing on their end in anticipation of an expected kiss. All this tension was killing you softly.

His other hand snaked around the nape of your neck, pulling you even closer. Your eyes fluttered open, watching his lips part, his breaths slowing down, and you were trying to remember if they were still soft and had the faintest taste of strawberry. And you wanted to gently tug on that silver piece of jewelry and hear him whine because of it. 

Your stomach somersaults like there’s a gymnast going for the gold for the floor exercise when his body brushes against yours. The twitch in his black sweats is what really makes you melt and clench around nothing. It's been far too long since you've been touched, and he was the only one that could bring you pleasure.

“Can I kiss you?” His eyes are desperately darting back and forth between yours, waiting for your okay.

“Please,” you pleaded, almost inaudible if he wasn't so close.

He doesn’t go right in like you expected. He took his time, both hands cupping your face and your hands gripping his tiny waist like nothing had ever stopped between the two of you. The tip of his nose nudged yours, his lips lightly feathering across the top of your lips—not going in just yet. His warm hot breath fans the ever-growing desire within you. It was thrilling for him to rediscover everything he loved about you.

You closed your eyes in excitement, scrunching the bottom of his shirt in your hands. You slightly tugged on it, wanting him to hurry and just fucking kiss you already. You had never known him to be so careful, so gentle.

He giggled at your frustration. “I thought we were taking things slow.”

You deadpanned. “It’s too slow,” you whined, trying to reach for his lips, but he pulled back. “I thought you wanted to kiss me?”

Jungkook flashed a soft smile, his dimple on display. “I do.”

“Then shut up and do it already,” you pouted. You couldn't handle the teasing between you anymore. You wanted to make up for everything lost within the last year. If you had all the time in the world, you’d want him to do anything and everything to you, but that day would have to wait.

He tilted his head and leaned in; his nose nuzzled into the side of your face, and the deep yearning you’d hidden inside was released as his lips finally found yours. Lips on lips delicately caressing and wandering like the two of you were in a drought, in desperate search of food and water.

You gently nipped on his bottom lip, lightly pulling on his ring before kissing the side of his mouth. He grinned, thinking he’d get you back for that, not today but soon. Your hands traced the curves of his body, causing him to press himself further into you. The evident erection in his sweats tells you how much he was enjoying this too.

The kiss became heated and fervent, like an all-consuming fire taking everything in its path. Your hands are placed on his toned chest, holding on for dear life as he presses you against the door, breathing life back into you like your life depends on it.

You pulled back, gasping for air, but he leaned in, wanting just a bit more. You’re intoxicating, and he’s greedy. He’s a man starved from your touch and kisses. There’s no way he’ll ever let you go again. He’d fight for you until his very last breath.

Your arms drape around his neck, your fingers twirling and tugging at the ends of his long hair. You deepen the kiss, your warm tongue nipping at his mouth, begging for more access to him. Kissing isn't enough anymore. You needed him—all of him. To rediscover his deepest desires, wants, and needs was the only job you wanted right now.

Jungkook withdrew from your kiss. “You have to pack.”

You took a moment to catch your breath. “Or you can come inside and help me pack.” You moved in again for another kiss, but he resisted.

“I would love that, but…” he trailed off, letting the desire within subside.

Your lips thinned. “But then we wouldn’t be taking it slow, would we?” He nods. “I should pack.”

He leaned in to quickly give you a peck on the lips. “Mm, you should.”

Your shoulders slump, and you tilt your head against the door. “But I don’t want to.”

“But you have to.” You groaned and stomped your feet like baby Indie. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Not soon enough.”

bonus (jk pov - hotel)

“Sorry, I got here early, but some lady was taking forever to get her luggage,” the driver said as Jungkook’s colleague opened the door.

"You coming?" His colleague asked from inside the car.

"...uh, you go on without me. I left my phone inside. I'll catch an Uber."

His colleague shrugged and shut the door behind him before the car took off. Jungkook stood before the hotel's entrance, unsure whether to enter or just leave.

He thought he saw you while waiting outside the restaurant, but he figured it was just his eyes playing tricks on him. Even if it was really you, he wasn't sure he was ready to face you, let alone know what to say. He abruptly left without explaining his actions. He didn't think when he did it, which was a stupid, rash decision he later regretted. He couldn't bear the heartache of being so close to you.

The plan was to get as far away as possible so he could forget, but the problem was that he couldn't. You were the love of his life (yes, even at the tender age of 25). He had no desire for anyone else. Even when gorgeous women were flinging themselves at him in this new city. He wasn't concerned with them because they weren't you.

Everything made him think of you. From peonies to hot tubs and even bowling. He'd go back and say goodbye if he could. He despised the way things ended.

Before he knew it, his foot had stepped past the sliding glass door, heading in, unsure of where even to begin. He began his search as he walked through the lobby, peering at the reception desk. 

He noticed a woman standing at the counter. Maybe your hair had grown out. Approaching the woman, he tapped them on the shoulder. "Noona..."

When the woman turned around, Jungkook quickly apologized before returning and going on the hunt for you. You may have already gone to your room, but he wasn't about to give up so easily. He'd be sorry if he missed you by a millisecond. Could his eyes be deceiving him? Maybe he didn't see you just standing there. Maybe he missed you so much that he imagined everything.

He told himself he'd look for ten minutes before giving up and going home. He walked around the lobby, past the reception desk, down the hallway, and even took the elevator up a few floors before returning down.

He was sure the workers thought he was creeping around and wouldn't be surprised if they had called security. He only had a few minutes before calling it quits and heading home. He walked past the restaurant he was just at, then took a few steps back.

What if you had gone to get a drink?

It didn't take long for him to notice you sitting alone at the bar, waving the bartender down to order. His eyes were not deceiving him; he was not insane.

It was you. 

You were absolutely stunning, he thought. Even after a year apart, you’d become more beautiful than ever. He needed a moment to take you all in because he didn’t think he’d ever see you again—here in LA.

Every heartbeat was like a metronome, keeping in sync with every step he took toward you. He drew a deep breath and closed his eyes as he stood behind you, his mind racing with the right words—what would he say after a year?

“Is this seat taken?”

Fuck—if he could, he’d punch himself. He could’ve come up with something better.

✨ next ~ drabble ~ dream bigger, darling

[onsunnyside]

uhm 😖 what about best friends brother!Ari and his best friend Curtis 😶‍🌫️

best friend's brother!Ari lives next door, he mows the lawn shirtless, changes in front of his window and loves sunbathing in the backyard by the pool.

his best friend, Curtis, practically lives at their house, and he's always there to annoy you with Ari. they'll hide your stuff whenever you sleep over, tug on your dresses and skirts *playfully* and always crowd you on movie nights. I'm talking about: being squeezed between their big beefy bodies, squished to the max while they lightly touch your thigh under the blanket. they love making you squirm.

you're too quiet and shy to stand up to their teasing (bc you secretly love all the attention), but your best friend doesn't care. more often than not, she'll knock some sense into them for messing with sweet little you.

"Stop being fucking pervs and leave us alone!" Natasha shouts down the hall and slams her bedroom door shut. She just found them rifling through your clothes in the laundry room. "God, I'm so sorry. You can totally leave if you want."

You're too scared to tell her it isn't the first time they've done that, you've had countless panties 'go missing' at her house while the two boys were over. Oh and you'd never tell her about them touching you under the blanket last night. me thinks they've been teaching you about pleasure after overhearing how inexperienced you are:

"You're a virgin?" Ari outrightly asked when Nastaha stepped into the house for more snacks.

Your lips freeze on the popsicle, and a lewd pop sounds through the summer air as you pull it from your mouth. "How do you know that?"

"You two talk awfully loudly," Curtis says from his lounge chair, his chiselled chest dusted with dark hair. "Heard a lot of stuff I didn't need to know—like your endless collection of stuffed animals, oh, I mean stuffies."

Your face erupts in heat, hotter than the damn sun beaming down on you.

"Don't be embarrassed, it's cute that you have names and little backstories for all of them." The town heartbreaker winks.

Ari hasn't looked away from you. "There's no way you're a virgin. Look at you." He refuses to believe no one has taken a chance to have that honeypot between your legs.

"I am!" You quickly lower your voice, "I-I haven't even kissed someone yet..."

The men exchange glances, with their many years of friendship, they can nearly read each other's thoughts. (internal "I call dibs" moment)

"I'll do it." They say in unison.

You laugh, brushing it off as a joke. A lame, sort of hurtful joke, but a joke nonetheless. "No, no, Nat would get so mad."

"If she was a good friend, she'd want you to have your first kiss." Curtis' eyes are locked on the popsicle melting down your fingers.

"And we care about you, we wouldn't hurt you. Ever." Ari adds, reaching over to rub your knee. "You can trust us, kitten."

and when they overhear you talking about a date with some asshole named Steve Rogers from their rival college (bc yes they're certified frat bros and this is set in the summer after you graduated and they came back to spend time at home), they simply can't let the blond-haired bastard take the previous year's football championship and their itty bitty kitten.

the whore in me is also interested in all three of them trying to see who makes you come the hardest 🫣

And may haps… reader is a little dummy who doesn’t even know they’re pining after her 😪🫶

[according2thelore]

happy wincest wednesday!!! i really want to pay it forward from the ask you sent me last week and ask what you (both?) think sam and dean's favorite books are! i mostly answered based on what books i had already read, so i'm really curious if in the books you've read you'd have different opinions! if not though (or in addition if you'd like!), i'd love to know what you think their favorite movies are, too :) give dean's favorite medium a moment in the spotlight, too 💖 (@incesthemes)

hi! happy wincest wednesday!

hmm--i think sam has a long, enduring, passionate love affair with the hardy boys and nancy drew books. i think he longs in some ways to be the hardy boys/nancy drew, because they get to solve mysteries and be hypercompetent while also having a secure home environment. in nancy's case, she's popular and has a boyfriend and also gets to explore thick tomes of town lore. they were so easy to find at libraries across america, and super easy to steal/shoplift because of how thin they were.

(dean also makes fun of him by calling him a hardy boy for a long time, i imagine. you also cannot tell me dean would not get an absolute fucking kick out of calling sam "nancy")

i also think that as he gets older, he gets more bitter/disillusioned about both series, but still has a secret fondness for seeing their covers in bookstores.

as he gets older (high school age), sam definitely gravitates towards more gothic, as you mentioned! i think he finds wuthering heights compelling, but can't quite put his finger on it, and never tells dean because dean would make fun of him for liking such a girly book. science fiction/horror novellas are also fun to him (frankenstein, poe, dracula, jekyll, the murders in rue morgue).

we know dean is a closet intellectual at his own choice, so i imagine he steals/lifts books from libraries/stores, and keeps them in the bottom of his duffle. i think a lot of this happens after sam leaves for college and dean suddenly has 80 hours of free time a week now that he's not huffing sam's boxers and staring at him lovingly in the rearview mirror.

in terms of books that they had to read (and inevitably read/reread over and over again as they move to schools that haven't read them yet):

sam likes: tale of two cities by dickens, telltale heart by poe, in cold blood by capote, inferno by dante, to kill a mockingbird by lee, yellow wallpaper by gilman, matilda by dahl sam HATES: romeo and juliet by shakespeare, heart of darkness by conrad, a separate peace by knowles (he hates that he finds himself in gene), tess of the d'urbervilles (bc he also hates he strangely relates to it)

dean likes: in cold blood by capote, hamlet by shakespeare, 1984 by orwell, lord of the flies by golding, and then there were none by christie, count of monte christo by dumas, any western he can get his hands on dean HATES: frankenstein by shelley, a good man by o'conner (HATES IT), catcher in the rye by salinger (it makes him angry that he gets called out), lolita by nabokov (it makes him a little nauseous how much he likes it, he agrees that humbert is a pedophile, but the depth of the "devotion" there makes him ill), dense histories like war and peace/tale of two cities/les miserables, etc.; he hates anything by dostoevsky--he finds the morality to be posturing and tiresome

i think they BOTH love the LOTR series--books and movies. as they both canonically watch GOT together as adults (and considering dean is more into LARPing than he likes to admit) i think they both love fantasy.

dean saw two towers while sam was away at college and has been dreaming nonstop of dying in an epic battle protecting those he loves in heroic and sexy ways like in the battle for helms deep.

but he still mostly refuses to watch the parts with frodo/sam in return of the king because "frodo is annoying" (because he gets uncomfortable and scared when frodo and sam touch foreheads and cry and sam picks up frodo because he can't carry the ring but he can carry frodo, and hearing frodo scream sam's name in agony makes him nauseous)

dean swears he likes LOTR for the fights but sam knows better.

(secretly, i think dean used to read chapters of the hobbit to sam when he was really small. it's the first book john buys him after the fire because john grew up with his own dad reading it to him before he disappeared.)

i think as an adult, dean gravitates towards more crime thrillers. they have clean cut endings, and he likes how the main character is usually a grizzled, alcoholic washup looking for redemption with his estranged wife (he completely cannot relate). he also likes brandon sanderson until he finds out Nerds also like them, so he gives up on them.

and i think sam might gravitate towards nonfiction/realistic fiction/historical fiction. he doesn't want to read about quests, he doesn't want to read about chosen ones, he doesn't want to read about brothers having to watch each other die, he doesn't want to read about how Bad is Always Bad.

bonus: they both read 50 shades after the craze in like 2015, and dean was scandalized to read this in a book while sam was like...this is it? he hits her a couple of times??

i've mentioned this a MILLION times, but i think they both love the die hard movie series. mostly the first one, and mostly dean, but they try to catch the marathons on cable every christmas.

dean loves the lost boys (because COME ON OF COURSE HE DOES!!! little brother and vampires and the good guys win! no moral complexity!), ghost busters, roadhouse, quick and fast murder mysteries with easy solutions, dirty dancing, tombstone, rocky, jaws, and--secretly--little women. he cries like a fucking kid being dragged away from a candy store.

sam loves indiana jones, star trek, friday the 13th (bc if he follows the Horror Movie rules, he and his family are safe!), the rear window, ET, it's a wonderful life (a movie about how your life has meaning even if you think you're making everyone's life worse...come on...), and a million arthouse movies about how life is strange and vulnerable.

they both like/watch together: star wars, bill & ted's excellent adventure, die hard, jurassic park, LOTR, the early 2000 fantastic four movies (they're not good, but they're mindless; dean wants to be johnny storm and sammy would DIE to be reed; dean likes to joke that sam's jessica alba instead), oceans 11

sam doesn't like monster movies anymore. dean doesn't like war movies anymore.

THIS WAS SO MUCH LOL I'M SO SORRY--i have a lot of thoughts about their favourite books/movies apparently! thank you so much for this ask--it was SO FUN to answer, lol! <3

i have texted charlotte and will reblog with her opinions when she responds! (she is busy gworl)

-lizzy

[trickstarbrave]

i dont get ppl who are like "oh my god just turn your brain off and enjoy things, stop being mean to ppl who dont wanna think critically" bc like. thinking critically is normal??? you should be in the practice of doing it basically all the time. the more you use it the easier and more natural it is and it will help you immensely in life

no, that doesn't mean you have to criticize everything you read or watch. but you should be engaging with it and analyzing it. i see people saying the DUMBEST things because they cannot think critically about a piece of media to the point i am genuinely worried about their ability to think critically about anything. you should be able to consider if a character is a reliable narrator or not, if a character is lying or not, or that there might be more to a situation causing characters to act the way they do that you the audience haven't had revealed to you yet. like these are very easy parts of a fictional story we start teaching to middle schoolers, sometimes younger depending.

and you should be able to identify these things while you're reading or watching just about anything or else you are not absorbing the story you are just letting it slide over your brain and then acting offended when the story plays out normally. and also: people irl will be unreliable narrators, or lie to you/other people, and oftentimes you don't know the circumstances everyone around you has going on that influences their behavior.

no, you don't need to write an essay about every book/comic you read or every show/movie you watch. no, not everything you like has to be well written. but for the love of god how are you going through life refusing to think about fucking anything and then get mad when other ppl are engaging with the story correctly??? and then insisting there is nothing wrong with your actions???