#also i love re-analyzing every little aspect of this show

[agent-troi]

ok i’m watching millennium again and after reading @randomfoggytiger’s analysis placing the IVF arc between the unnatural and biogenesis, that scene where frank says to mulder “they claimed i was an unfit father… that i was obsessed with conspiracy, that my work meant more to me than my daughter…” just hits different, like mulder was totally ready to give scully a baby because that’s what she wanted, but this scene placed into an immediate post-ivf context now becomes even more of a turning point for mulder, because he’s being asked to confront the question he must have asked himself a million times while they were trying to conceive (do i deserve this? do i have the right to bring a child into the world? can i be a good father? is that something i can balance with my life’s work?), but now it’s been stripped of consequences because he can no longer have children (if scully can’t he can’t either because he only wants them with her), and yet he still feels compelled to change the outcome, to end up in a better/different place than frank has, hence why he chooses to kiss scully at the end of the episode and kick off the season of secret sex

[ananke-xiii]

The Power and Love in Post-Purgatory

In my previous post about Betrayal&Fidelity in Purgatory I've tried to interpet Dean's and Cas' relationship as a marriage founded on its very antithesis: betrayal. Both parties are committed to each other by keeping the phantom of betrayal always alive in order to hide the reality behind their bond.

While Dean wants Cas to remember what he did to him, Cas wants to focus on anything but. In other words, while Dean wants Cas to stay in their committed relationship without acknowledging its romantic aspect, Cas wants to stay out of it precisely for the same reason: he also doesn't want to acknowledge his love because doing so would mean coming to terms with the fact that he has betrayed Dean.

Cas is ready to do penance for all the sins he committed against heaven and earth but his "sins" against Dean, which means that Cas is bound to keep betraying Dean. Dean is ready to forgive all of Cas' sins as long as it means that the angel stays in a relationship with him that negates their real feelings. And so the cycle continues.

Robbie Thompson's idea to have Dean say "I love you" to break Cas' connection with heaven and re-establish his connection with him was accurate. Because hearing Dean say such a thing would indeed make Cas stop fleeing. It would have also served the point of showing that, even though he was on his knees and bleeding, Dean was the one with more Power in their relationship.

It's then worth analyzing love's opposite in this story like in any other story: power.

There's a power imbalance in Cas' and Dean's relationship and this is what causes them a lot of trouble.

Obvsiously, Cas is factually stronger than Dean because he's an angel ("What happened? I happened"). This is also one of the reasons why he gets depowered every other season, to give a resemblance of power balance between Cas and the Winchesters.

However, it very soon becomes apparent that Dean's got a lot of power over Cas. The moment Cas touched Dean maybe he was not immediately lost but, in the words of Faulkner:

... there is something in the touch of flesh with flesh which abrogates, cuts sharp and straight across the devious intricate channels of decorous ordering, which enemies as well as lovers know because it makes them both:---touch and touch of that which is the citadel of the central I-Am's private own: not spirit, soul; the liquorish and ungirdled mind is anyone's to take in any any darkened hallway of this earthly tenement. But let flesh touch with flesh, and watch the fall of all the eggshell shibboleth of caste and color too.

Cas touched Dean and branded him with heaven's power but he got himself branded with Dean's power: he found someone with whom he could talk with, someone with whom he shared some similiraties with, someone who saw him and understood he had his own world inside.

Now, this is a real problem for Cas. While Dean deals with power in terms of control, Cas deals with it in terms of wants and lack thereof. Cas wants to become his own person but, in doing so, he finds himself disconnected from his original host and connected with a new one: Dean. He used to be a part of a "much better club" and now, "because of Dean", he has lost everything.

I've already written about how Cas uses Dean as an excuse to avoid dealing with his issues with power. It's almost like a tell: 9 times our of 10 when Cas claims he's doing something for or because of Dean he's most likely not.

Conversely, when Cas speaks about power imbalance or he claims he doesn't know why he did something he did re: crypt scene, now that's because of Dean. Cas lies. A lot. Mostly to himself.

Back to Dean: a way the show portrays Dean's power over Cas is making him describing the angel as a child, a baby in a trenchcoat, a dorky little man etc. If we want to take the charitable route, Dean does so in good faith. If we don't want that we must acknowledge Dean's tendencies to get mad, really mad, when people don't do as he says. And Cas never. NEVER does what Dean says and it drives Dean crazy.

It drives Dean crazy because, as he says in s8 I believe, if it was anybody else, anybody not Cas, he would NEVER let it slide. Hell, he doesn't give his own brother the same treatment. Dean can't let Cas go, he pretends to not know why and it drives him crazy because he can't control the angel, he can't control his feelings and he can't do anything about it.

Here we have THE Purgatory's problem: Dean can't let go but Cas can. Worse: Cas wants to.

Let's look at this beautiful dialogue from "A Little Slice of Kevin":

Dean: Look, I don't need to feel like hell for failing you, okay? For failing you like I've failed every other godforsaken thing that I care about! I don't need it!

Castiel: Dean. Just look at it. Really look at it. [He touches DEAN on the forehead.]

Castiel: See, it wasn't that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved.

Dean: What the hell are you talking about?

Castiel: It's where I belonged. I needed to do penance. After the things I did on earth and in heaven, I didn't deserve to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. I... I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you. You can't save everyone, my friend... though, you try.

Dean is mad at Cas because, once again, he didn't do what Dean told him to. Their argument leads to this explosive moment where Cas makes Dean remember things as they happened in Purgatory: Cas let go and he let go because he planned to do it, because he wanted to do it.

Cas is saying that he wasn't weak, he was stronger than Dean and he's obviously not talking about physical strength: he was stronger than Dean in that he was able to break their connection, to set himself free from Dean.

I think that this and Jack's pre-birth in s12 are the only two moments where Cas has got more power than Dean in their relationship and sort of unilaterally decides to break up with him. It's tragic to notice that both times Cas chose to completely opt out from Dean's life.

Cas saying he didn't want to be saved means that Cas is rejecting Dean and his obsession with saving people: Cas doesn't want to stay in the type of relationship Dean offers him.

Cas then talks about belonging. He belonged to Purgatory, not Dean and not just because Dean's human. It's because Dean doesn't need to do penance while Cas does.

Back to the crypt scene: Dean talks about beloning there. Cas is family. Dean loves him. If Dean had said those words their story would have ended, in a way. Dean would have managed to gain the upper hand against Heaven because he would have told Cas exactly what he wanted to hear: tell me you love me, tell me you forgive me, tell me we belong together and let's move on from our past, free me from my pain because I've hurt you and I don't know what to do to make it better.

But this doesn't happen, Dean says he needs Cas, he still gets the upper hand over Heaven but just briefly: the connection was broken but the one between Cas and Dean is NOT repaired. Dean tells Cas he needs him and Cas doesn't want that, Cas doesn't want to be Dean's responsibility, he doesn't want to be saved by Dean, he wants to protect himself from Dean (in the form of the Angel Tablet) and the connection he's offering him, one based on need.

What's worse, Cas' connection with Heaven is cut off only momentarily as he will later choose Heaven again thinking he needs to keep doing his penance (and making a huge mistake).

When Cas goes to Dean to ask for his help to close Heaven's gates, Cas is testing Dean. Back in S6 Cas asked Dean the same kind of help with the exception that, back then, Cas wanted to open a gate and now he wants to close it.

To be fair, I'm not so sure Dean pass the test. Sam intervenes in their conversation and I'm inclined to think that if he didn't, Dean wouldn't have helped Cas.

Anyway, the point is that Cas is testing Dean because he doesn't need Dean's help since Dean does nothing but drink a beer with him. So, you know. As I've said, Cas lies to himself.

Finally, Cas deems that Dean has passed the test and they say their goodbye. It's a bittersweet moment because nothing's been resolved: Dean lets Cas go because he thinks there's not much to be done about it, Cas is sort of giving Dean a chance to patch things up but nothing really happens so Cas can convince himself he's doing the right thing and he's ready to die.

They have both given up (for now ofc).

It's beautifully sad.

So, is their relationship based on power or love? Well, the second, of course.

In S8 both Dean and Cas have their moment of power over each other but it ends with a tie. The love is still there, though. Not for nothing their final interaction involved Cupid.

[possessionisamyth]

Leon is such an interesting character to me from a depression point of view that I feel a lot of people miss.

A lot of people still view depression as a whole of only the worst moments/periods. The times where a person relies heavily on an unhealthy coping mechanism, or when they're on the brink of making a horribly permanent decision. Nobody ever wants to go into the rest of it.

Depression will say your friends are having a better time without you until one of them says they're happy you showed up. Depression will make you think you're just kind of okay at your job until a peer or higher up says you excel, and that high only lasts for a few days until it's swallowed again. Depression will say you're better off keeping your distance until people come to you for support, help, or advice and no matter how bad your brain is doing you'll shelve it to help them. Depression also won't let you admit any of this to anyone because they don't need the trouble. They have enough on their plate. Stay cool. Keep your distance. Do what's familiar until the apathy or neutrality returns and keep it moving. Especially because depression loves having zero breaks in routine.

Leon has depression point blank. A lot of other characters in the RE cast have that and/or PTSD from their experiences, but Leon is THE depression model. And funny enough, it's easy to clock because of his horrible one liners.

More under the cut.

Post 1998, Leon is the main one of the RE cast that consistently defaults to humor. He gives the illusion of being close to people by showing kindness and being nice, but information about himself is scarce unless he's repeating public knowledge. He'll let people talk. He's good at listening. Really good when he's not at a breaking point, but notice how he offers comfort while never giving away. Usually people give examples of how they went through something similar, but he never does that.

And it's easy to spot friends like that. I've been/am that friend or acquaintance for a lot of people. There's the image of aloofness or being cool until they get comfortable. Or until they open their mouths and the most god awful puns come out. Humor is a great tension diffuser. It's great at deflecting things when they get too personal, and Leon clings to it like a shield.

If things are already bad and getting worse, what's the harm in it? What's a little reminder that he's still alive by giving himself something to smile about no matter how minute? No matter how brief? Who's going to judge him for it? The people who sent him there to do the impossible or die? The monsters trying to kill him? The people relying on him to get them out alive? Do their opinions really matter if their intent is to use him for their own purposes? They really fucking don't. He's saying the joke. He doesn't care if it breaks tension. He really needs that tension broken or he's the one that's going to snap.

And it's both sad and slightly relatable how fast he's willing to go to bat for everyone but himself. How the failures stick deeper with him than the successes. How the anger settles with no other way to lash out. How rocking the boat is too terrifying to attempt because what about the consequences? What if he doesn't know enough or have enough leverage to DO what he knows will help him, and how that perceived powerlessness is amplified by depression. How the powerlessness is amplified by never breaking the routine because what then?

How people are socialized adds another layer onto how depression likes to manifest. Leon is a white man. He's not going to give himself space to cry. He's going to cling to numbness or anger. He's going to cling to the violence his job provides him and the adrenaline drop. He's going to cling to sex if he can get it for the idea of closeness and intimacy.

A more gender neutral aspect of depression is that he's going to go over every mistake. He's going to analyze every shortcoming. He's going to push himself physically until he drops. He's going to punish himself in the quickest way he's always done it. In his case, self punishment is drinking too much because he doesn't have control of himself. Said control being something he tries so hard to cling to as he believes he has so little control everywhere else.

Hell, Chris says in the Vendetta novel that Leon always seemed like a cheeful guy. And that just blew me away because YEAH! People with long term depression are very good at making themselves appear happy. But Leon in his cups tells Chris that no one is like that. Even drunk he avoids opening up about himself more than necessary to keep the conversation moving. And if that isn't fucking textbook, I don't know what else to say!!!

Sure, maybe I'm a nerd reading too much into this. Maybe it's not that deep. Maybe I'm just a new fan doing too much projection and too little analysis, but I don't know. He's been passed off to so many writers and this sticks out the most to me across the board as a pattern.

[naruhearts]

It’s Happening.

Sorry I need to get this all out of my brain for a sec and review past stuff so warning for the rambly sloppiness-

A Key Concept: one can’t freely love another person(s) the way they deserve without first loving oneself. We know this is a vital aspect of interpersonal growth and healthy relational interdependence.

Dean Winchester now loves himself (LOVE YOURSELF, SPEAK YOURSELF, folks). He has forgiven the Ghost kid...unshackled him and let him dissipate into the ether of a toxic past (which was all smartly foreshadowed in the metanarrative throughout the past few years over and over again *gingerly cradles my Scoobynatural 13x16 meta* because HELLO, Cas the Honest Man truly was the interpersonal catalyst to saving Dean the Righteous Man. Cas saw the ghost underneath the monstrous shell, the wall, the barrier of unworthiness, and helped set him free. 2 years ago, I wrote: “Who was able to reach through—to communicate and see the little vulnerable ghost boy behind the monstrous facade? A facade created by authority abuse? A facade created to protect himself from a scary world? Who was able to lend him a sense of self-acceptance? CAS. Cas is the living antithesis of control. He’s freedom. He’s non-conformity. And Dean’s finally LETTING GO like Elsa. Releasing himself like Rowena in 13x12. Conquering his traumas. What’s by is by. Dean’s saying I was trapped, but now I’m free. I’m my own person—not Heaven’s tool, not Hell’s tool, not my Dad’s tool, not society’s tool, but my own tool, corroborated by Cas telling him he isn’t a talking dog at the end.”)

Indeed, all this DID come to pass. The baggage was FINALLY unloaded. We meta writers and everyone else who saw the same things, agreed with us, and basked with us in noting those things are still feeling so, so vindicated because we saw the unadulterated story Dabb & Co wanted to tell all along), I’m manifesting.

I’m manifesting that self-actualized and self-loving Dean, finally internalizing and processing Cas’ love confession of truth - finally accepting that he is WORTH Cas’ love - will find Cas and USE HIS WORDS at the growth!Becky end of the long, beautifully devastating, winding road.

I’m manifesting that Dean will finally tell Cas he loves him, too.

That he always did.

Again, I commented re: 15x19 here (I’m also too lazy now to “analyze” this ep in that there’s almost nothing to meta anymore!! Ahh! Common sense):

Dabb & co pulled a necessarily (lol) fast one on us tonight: a literary Bros-Only mirage, veiling the actual narrative underneath -> Love and...Love, in which the Winchesters of the modern age function and self-regulate poorly without their loved ones. Self-actualization and self-love — both of which currently manifest in the brothers’ life courses as facilitated by emotional-passionates Edlund-Thompson-Dabb and more — involves love for others. Of note, Dean Humanity Winchester finally understands his worth. The penultimate trigger for him to love himself was Cas’ unconditional love for him. Cas, the key of truth and free will, opened his heart completely. Dean’s heart, mind, and soul are finally congruent FOR LOVE.

And here:

**And by proxy the greatest love story ever told is entrenched in free will; every action Cas performed after saving Dean Winchester from Hell has been executed with Dean’s influence, character, human essence. Cas and Dean further lit, enhanced, stoked the flames of free will within the other upon first contact -> “When Castiel first laid a hand on you in Hell, he was lost!!” ...[shakes S8 & the Naomi storyline under your nose; take a wonderful storytelling whiff]. They met in the middle on their own accord. Dean and Cas trusting each other, choosing each other, believing in the other, all literally + figuratively threw Chuck’s authority off the rails.** In other words, it’s almost like we can state, with potential certainty, that a love story, a love story of various iterations and multifaceted forms — platonic (Sam, Dean, and Cas welcoming Jack into their non-nuclear Found Family) and romantic ([sub]textual: Dean and the Angel of Humanity Cas) — has again led, all this time, to Chuck’s downfall.

^I wrote this during 15x17. OF COURSE, it’s not subtextual anymore!!

To reiterate:

 Free will is love. Love is free will. Love isn’t bound by anything, isn’t trapped nor suppressed by universal rules. It doesn’t exist in a singular vacuum. It controls and frees itself. Love ebbs and flows and transcends even “the veil of death and saves the day.” 

In fact, “Love can only be genuine if it’s freely chosen. Which means, unless a personal agent has the capacity to choose against love, they don’t really have the capacity to choose for it...[i]n a world that is centered on love, even God can’t be guaranteed to always get what he wants.” x

Dean and Cas’ love for each other, unexpected, unpredictable, unprecedented and autonomous, permeating the fabric of natural predetermined order, again caused Chuck’s downfall. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. 

It’s been building, building, building, waxing, waxing, waxing into a full bright moon from S8-12, then underwent another fundamental narrative shift into textual endgame territory from S13-15 that encompassed the self, the transcendental merging of Jungian Persona and Shadow, that all gathered to the textual surface, Who Am I (I mean, I WROTE THIS FOR @profoundzine​ within the context of mirror self S14 about DEAN AND CAS GAINING INTERDEPENDENCE which also came true!!); the show is finally going there. 

15x19 closed the door to Ye Olde SPN. 

It seems to me that 15x20 is going to open another door: one truly for the history books, one of Rebirth, embodying Free Will and Love and...Love, uncensored and raw in 2020, evoking the winds of social change and humanistic positive character arc growth that will topple all of us over into elation.

Endgame Destiel.

I keep saying it, but if 15x20 goes bad bad, I’m with you all in marching up to the offices and raging. However, everything thus far storytelling-wise was constructed to finish the picture they started painting since S7/8.

Goddamn, I’m HYPED FOR NEXT WEEK!!! 

[snakedevour]

my thoughts on chapter 81 ahead, fellas. it feels like it’s been a while since i analyzed a chapter drop but in my defense they only release once a month and 80.5 didn’t give me a lot of meat to bite into.

nyanyway -- here’s kkg 81. this chapter brings the focus back onto yumeko a little bit, showing us again how she plays, how she thinks, and how she challenges the people around her. basically, for me, this chapter was the whole buffet after several chapters of scraps.

SPOILERS BELOW.

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i made a post maybe a week or so ago at this point mentioning that i wanted to talk about how yumeko’s friendliness is “impersonal” despite being genuine and how that feeds into her ( for lack of better words ). and i’m still going to do that and it’ll be in a separate post from this one but this chapter gave me some ammunition in regards to that thought.

the thing that makes yumeko difficult to navigate in terms of interacting with her is that she challenges the conventional definition of “kind” and in a way kind of forces you to delineate between that and “friendly”. 

yumeko is a cocktail with two major components:

1. she is friendly 2. she is powerful

and when you have a friendly powerful person it’s easy to fall into the trap tsubomi has here, in which you feel that because you side with someone friendly and powerful you’re inherently under their protection.

and in a lot of storytellings that’d typically be true... but yumeko is awfully atypical. recall tsubomi’s commentary from chapter 63:

so long as we frame “friendly” as something that inherently goes hand-in-hand with “good” i think we set ourselves up to misunderstand yumeko’s personality. yumeko is friendly but she is not altruistic. yumeko does not “save” people; every time that it seems that she has it’s because they “won” it from her -- yumeko has never been benevolent for benevolence’s sake.

by a lot of standard definitions, i’d argue that she’s not even a good person. 

it’s really nice to be reminded of that weird layer of nuance. we’re also reminded of something that might have gotten overshadowed by her comparative calmness lately and the housepet drama from the last few chapters --

more than just wantonly putting herself at risk, yumeko is obsessed with simultaneously imposing high antes on other people.

let’s briefly throw all the way back to chapter 16 just to get that in her own words:

i kind of want to say that yumeko has sadomasochistic tendencies but that’s probably for another post another day.

anyway, this takes us back to today and chapter 81, where tsubomi goes on to notice the folly in her own thinking:

paired with her thoughts from chapter 63 this says a lot.

“would yumeko bother helping me if I’m not taking any risk?”

i’m pretty sure the answer is no. 

this really just sort of further cements my original opinion that yumeko definitely operates on some sort of metric of “earning” what one has. if you’re interested in my thought piece on that subject it’s right over here.

i really like where tsubomi’s train of thought is going here. up until now we’ve seen yumeko’s cutthroat mentality mostly as applied to herself and an opposing player. we’ve seen her drive the stakes high with yuriko, with sayaka, with miyo and miri and so on. 

this is what i mean when i say yumeko’s friendliness has an element of uncanny valley to it. you can argue that we’ve seen yumeko drag people into gambling alongside her ( like itsuki ), but we haven’t really seen it in this kind of light where it’s leveraged against her willingness to help people.

so +1 to chapter 81 for re-highlighting this fact about yumeko.

moving along, tsubomi is having these thoughts in the first place because terano came by and pointed out to her that she’s an “extra”, and per the logistics of the game yumeko only really needs suzui’s cooperation to win. then we cut to this short set-up scene where yumeko tells the gang ( and us ) the plan for this turn:

this gets tsubomi thinking. because yumeko is donating to suzui, she’ll have 0 points which means if tsubomi challenges her, she’ll win and thereby fulfill the requirements of her life plan to “knock either yumeko or terano out of the election”. tsubomi we’ve seen in past games though is still kind of coming into her own individuality, and is very much used to just taking orders. on top of that, she still feels indebted to yumeko for pushing her to play against kiwatari during the debt swap indian poker.

another thing i commented about in the past was the “human” qualities and motivations of the characters. tsubomi is a real highlight of this chapter because she reminds us of that quality too, because terano’s remarks spark what i think is a very organic conflict in her thoughts:

“i don’t want to be a housepet” vs “i don’t want to betray the girl i’m indebted to”

“i want to live as a person” vs “i want to keep a good conscience”

it’s the portrayal of internal struggles like these that make me angy at the sexualization in this series because these really show that it just isn’t needed. kawamoto absolutely knows what he’s writing and it’s not like he’s writing it poorly so its like...what gives.

not to make this about yumeko again but she does seem to get pretty meta here. i’m pretty certain that she knows what tsubomi is thinking here and i’ll also go as far as to suggest that she might have even set up the play this way to test tsubomi’s mettle. i’ll get into that here in a moment though :)

i say yumeko has an idea of what’s going through tsubomi’s mind here just because her question is very telling -- “have you made your decision?” -- yumeko definitely knows that some sort of choice has been imposed onto tsubomi, and tsubomi’s mentioning of her lack of guidance this turn also implies that yumeko is leaving her to fend for herself. which i think is something yumeko will always do. we’ve established that she’s not altruistic in the slightest...i don’t think yumeko is at all interested in people who lack the will to help themselves, regardless of how pitiable their circumstances.

i know suzui is supposed to be the audience-proxy but idk my guys... i think tsubomi is shaping up to be the better conduit through which we see yumeko’s real colors. 

also, more of yumeko giving us some insight into her values and how she thinks... but @ naomura why did you draw her doing this. yumeko you look SILLY but ily anyway

“only a choice at the end of agony can move your heart” -- yumeko’s starting to give me vibes of someone who’s apathetic unless the ante is driven wildly high hence why she does it but i need at least one more backstory drop before i speak more on that one. just saying it’d line up with a few things tho

moving on, it follows that tsubomi ultimately decides to challenge yumeko because that’s the logical thing to do if she wants to look out for herself. plus some commentary from terano about how it’s all according to keikaku.

anyway, i really enjoyed this next sequence because it throws back to yumeko even more. it reminds us that while yumeko loves taking on huge risks, that doesn’t mean she plays to lose. it’s been a while since we’ve seen yumeko engage in a setup like this so it was great to see that kawamoto still remember what kind of gambler she is:

i actually really love terano but i do enjoy seeing yumeko consistently trip her up. it really upholds yumeko’s role as a dark horse.

anyway, remember how i said yumeko probably set this play up to see what tsubomi would do? this is where we can circle back to that because we see, in fact, that yumeko did not donate her points to suzui like she said she would. 

yumeko is such a convoluted character that you can get caught up on one aspect of her character to the point of forgetting another. in recent chapters we’ve seen her in a supporting role: supporting mary, seemingly helping tsubomi... but thanks chapter 81 for reminding us that yumeko is a gambler before she’s anything else and can and will set up other players. this also kind of raises a mild albeit interesting moral quandary: i think it’s pretty safe to say that this was manipulative on yumeko’s part, but it could also be argued that this is a gamble and she read far enough ahead and just acted accordingly. i think that ambiguity is the point.

and that’s the jist chapter 81, and tbh i really enjoyed it. it felt like i was back in ye olden days of yore where kkg was yumeko’s misadventures. for a while there it felt like they were like “ok we’ve established she’s a really good gambler we must shine the spotlight elsewhere now” -- which is fair, don’t get me wrong. knowing the rest of the -bamis is really important to the plot. it’s just nice to see yumeko back in action proper again 🥺

[ellaofoakhill]

My Thoughts on Boxes

Something has kinda been bugging me the last little while, that I like to think a lot of people can relate to. We live in a society that, generally speaking, likes putting things into boxes; we like analyzing and sorting and organizing. And there’s nothing really wrong with that in and of itself--frankly, I could stand to do a lot more of it in the more practical aspects of my life--but such a system only really works with things that easily fit into discreet categories, and the things that aren’t or can’t be easily sorted are either forced into a box where they don’t fit, or left adrift without any real place to be.

In particular, I’m talking about fiction. You have numerous genres that multiply by the day, and the age categories that stories within those genres are deemed suitable for. And don’t get me wrong, there are lots of practical reasons for those categories; they make advertising and the organization of bookstores and libraries dramatically easier, and for most stories, this system works great, with each finding the audience most likely to derive benefit from reading it.

But--again, solely my opinion here--this may have produced stories that are a lot flatter than stories written in previous eras (which had their own problems, I will NOT get into that today). By flat, I don’t mean boring, or a failure of the story. I mean that the story feels like it was changed to fit into the category it most closely matched. In the most egregious examples, I feel like things were either added to a story that did nothing for it besides make it fit its box better, or taken out that were either integral to the story or added a depth and breadth to it that improved the work overall, even if that made it harder to sort.

This makes me think of the Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch quote, “Murder your darlings”, but completely opposite to what he was getting at. The general interpretation is “Even if you like a given piece of writing/painting/sculpture/etc., if it does more bad than good for your work, you need to remove it for the sake of the art.” What I feel is happening is “You need to change your story so it fits the target demographic, no matter what it looks like at the end.” The former serves the story and its spirit; the latter sacrifices the story for... I don’t know, ease of advertising, perhaps? Certainly financial gain is involved there.

So my first argument against this jaded, greedy way of thinking runs thus. Look at the stories that are now considered classics of Western literature: look at Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice; look at White Fang and Call of the Wild; look at Dracula and Frankenstein; look at The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia (no, I couldn’t resist throwing in two classic fantasy titles, and no, I won’t apologize for it). If you haven’t read these stories, you probably should. Yes, they have problems that mark them as products of their time, but every last one of them has one thing in common: none of them were written with a box in mind. We’ve thought of lotr as a fantasy staple for so long that we’ve forgotten that, prior to its popularity, fantasy as a genre wasn’t really a thing. There were fairy-tales, yes, and stories with fantastical elements, but a genre of story with precise conventions? Not really.

Let’s zoom in on Tolkien’s work, for a moment. Look at his world and its origins, and it draws heavy inspiration from Old English and Scandinavian myths and legends. Look at his characters, in particular his four hobbits, and he drew from his love of the English countryside, his respect for the common working man (Sam, the gardener, literally carries Frodo, the wellbred young gentleman, on his shoulders in the final leg of their gruelling journey to the Cracks of Doom), and his horrific experiences in the First World War. Hilariously enough, a big part of the reason he wrote the stories was as a self-justification for his indulgence in and lifelong love affair with language invention (look at the huge appendices at the back of The Return of the King and tell me I’m lying!). Read his work and any and all interviews with him, and a “genre box” seems clearly to have never crossed his mind.

Putting aside the genre box for a moment, let’s talk age categories. The Hobbit was a story he invented for his children, and it does show. Look at the Lord of the Rings, and it is clearly at a higher level of reading comprehension, and written for a more mature audience; there’s less silliness, though he keeps the wonder at this wild, magical world. But where to put it? The hobbits run a spectrum from basically teenagers (Pippin) to almost middle age (Frodo is in his fifties when he embarks on his journey to Rivendell), yet they’re clearly his protagonists, though we also see some narration revolving around Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli, all of whom are adults, though the latter two are somewhat younger for their respective races, whereas Aragorn is in his eighties (this being offset somewhat by the fact that he lives to over two hundred, but I digress...). We’re told today (falsely; VERY falsely) that the main character(s) should match the age of their target audience. Where does lotr fit, then, in terms of age category?

The answer you’re looking for is: not really very well anywhere; at least, not according to modern convention. As for my personal experience, I could and did read both The Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion at age thirteen. I consider myself a fairly intelligent young man, but I was varying degrees of lost when I read those. When I re-read them as an adult I was fine, but that isn’t to imply that teens shouldn’t be reading lotr, far from it. There’s nothing in them content-wise one wouldn’t reasonably expect a teenager to handle, and there’s a lot of good, powerful story and commentary in there that’s relevant to this day.

My point is, the age category doesn’t really matter. If I may shamelessly plug my own work for a moment, when I was first writing tftem, and even as I’m editing and publishing it now, I wondered and still wonder about this age category business. There is nothing in these stories I’d consider inappropriate for kids, and anyone above the age of about 8, with perhaps a slight stretch to their vocabulary, could comfortably read every story beginning to end. Further complicating matters, my beta readers ranged from 8 to almost 80, and most of the spectrum in between. They all liked it; whether they liked it for the same reasons is moot.

Which leads me into my second argument against boxing and categorizing stories. The boxes aren’t very reliable. If I may change media for a moment, cultural convention says, as an adult, there is only a narrow sleazy strip of cartoon entertainment I should be watching and enjoying. That tiny slice of the cartoon pie is the only slice I avoid like the plague. Yes, there are stories that don’t appeal to me because they’re too simplistic, or are problematic in ways that I find repellent, or just aren’t executed very well, but aside from things aimed at toddlers and the aforementioned “adult” cartoons, any cartoon is fair game. Give me an interesting concept, or a fascinating character, or hell just give me a good laugh or line of dialogue or beautiful fight scene, and I’ll give it a try.

My point is (yes I had one, and no, believe it or not I didn’t forget it), don’t write or draw or create with a box in mind. You will murder the spirit of your darlings. The box does not exist to define what you, the writer, are allowed to do, or what you should do. At best, the box exists in hindsight, once the work is done, to tell your prospective audience whether your story was written for them. And even then, lots of fantastic stories don’t sit well in boxes. Some of them actively rip the boxes to pieces. Lotr is a story that transcends boxes, and as a result has many layers and rabbit-holes and nuances that you can pick up when you’re ready to appreciate them, however old you are. In many ways, it’s ageless.

I didn’t write tftem to emulate Tolkien, nor even as an homage to him, or C.S. Lewis, or anyone else. But I did want to write a similarly ageless story, a story that could be read and appreciated a hundred years from now, by an audience of eight-year-olds or octogenarians. Why did we ever start moving away from stories like this? They were the foundation of stories for as long as stories have existed on Earth. People are still reading and marvelling at The Epic of Bloody Gilgamesh!

Tl;dr: don’t try to force your stories into boxes; they suffocate. Write what you enjoy writing; chances are it’ll live longer.

[itsclydebitches]

You know what I think is funny, fandom loves to throw "the animation and writing teams don't work together" as a reason we can't read into different things happening onscreen (Which regardless, that's really stupid, since acting/animation/intonation of the lines/etc can impact the way the story is perceived). But they're also the same ones talking about how the animation is showing the little love things between Blake and Yang and other small tells we see that shows the team hasn't changed much.

This is a problem with all analysis and something that everyone is inclined to do (simply because we all have our opinions and we all want to be right lol). At its most basic, it’s pointing to certain events in a story as proof of an argument while simultaneously ignoring other events that disprove it. We see this all the time when people discuss characters they like/don’t like: you’ll either get a list of all the good qualities or a list of all the bad, with the “analysis” refusing to engage with that other list. Once you move past that roadblock - once you train yourself to consider everything in the text, even when it’s frustrating - you get more complex readings. The stuff that says, “Yes, on the surface it looks like this character has all these bad qualities too but we need to take context into account as well. Like the fact that when they did this Bad Thing someone was blackmailing them into it whereas they did this Good Thing of their own accord.” Or, “Yes, this character has a mix of Good and Bad qualities so maybe we should be acknowledging a more nuanced reading of their morality rather than insisting ‘They’re the devil’ or ‘uwu they’re a baby who did no wrong’” The purpose of analysis is for the text to drive your argument, not for your argument to drive the reading of the text. When something doesn’t fit well you need to take that into account and re-evaluate your thesis. You don’t ignore/twist that wrinkle in an effort to maintain the argument you first started out with. Which is why you analyze the text first and come up with the thesis second. 

Now yes, apply all this to the animation issues. We cannot simultaneously say, “Aspects of the animation prove that Blake/Yang is becoming a thing” as well as, “It doesn’t matter if we saw Clover wink at Qrow. That’s meaningless.” Authorial intent does have some bearing on how we read this, in that we’ve gotten confirmation that some animation choices - like Oscar running down the hall before punching Neo - were mistakes, but in order for that to fully drive our reading of the show as a whole we’d need confirmation regarding every single piece of animation. Did you mean for Ren to look sad in that scene? Were Blake and Weiss supposed to exchange that glance? Is it a mistake that this character rolled their eyes or was that, unlike some other things, intentional? Unless we get a comprehensive list of every animation choice - which we will literally never have for obvious reasons - analysis must function under near absolutes: either the animation has meaning or it doesn’t. Pick one and stick to it (though preferably pick the former because, as you say, of course our visuals impact the reading of the show. They were always supposed to!) You cannot say that the animation choice is full of meaning when Ren and Nora cast loving glances because you adore them as a ship, but then claim that the animation choice to have Yang, Weiss, and Blake draw their weapons on Qrow is meaningless because you don’t like the idea of the girls doing something awful and having to grapple with that. Anything else is just the behavior of the first paragraph, emphasizing the things you like because they support the arguments you also like, while failing to either a) acknowledge these other aspects at all or b) explain how they don’t actually undermine your argument like they appear to at first glance. That’s why I acknowledge the ramifications of Ironwood shooting Oscar. It doesn’t matter how much I hate it, it exists in the text and needs to be taken into account (work a). It’s likewise why I explain in detail why arguments about the Ace Ops losing aren’t persuasive. They initially look persuasive, but poke at them a bit and you’ll see all the holes (work b). 

For the record, this stuff is really hard. There’s a reason why we take classes in analysis. There’s a reason why you study for 6+ years before you’re considered good enough to start publishing papers. These trends - particularly ignoring parts of the text or trying desperately to twist them into something that fits your original argument, rather than revising the argument to fit the evidence - are all mistakes that everyone makes when they first start analyzing things. I did! And those mistakes will seem very persuasive to others who don’t practice analysis enough to recognize when they - or others - are repeating those trends. Which is how you end up with posts arguing non-persuasive or even nonsensical things but are praised extensively. You have to learn how to spot those mistakes and learning how to avoid them is even harder. It’s not just a skill but a kind of mental fortitude. In order to produce persuasive and compelling analysis you have to be willing to potentially chuck your argument in the bin at any given moment. It’s a lot like science that way. Oh, something just disproved our theory? That sucks but we can’t ignore this new evidence just because we spent years chasing something else. We can’t allow personal desires to overcome facts. (Though that’s not to say the chase was wasted. The mere act of working through “wrong” arguments is an important part of hitting on the “right” ones.) 

For the record, this kind of difficulty with critical thought/rhetoric is the same reason why dangerous bigotry like “Getting vaccines will give your child autism” or “Accepting trans people will lead to women getting attacked in bathrooms” take off. Those are both arguments, but the people consuming them often don’t know how to work through the evidence provided to decide if that argument is persuasive - or even know to look for evidence at all. They stop after reading the statement, taking it as an automatic fact, just like a newbie writer in their Freshman high school course may write out a thesis and think that’s it. What do you mean I have to prove it? What do you mean my proof is subjective, unsubstantiated, and is ignoring other pieces of evidence? It’s not proof at all? Oh... It gets particularly difficult when you chuck in the sheer complexities of most political situations and add in a dash of learning that the mere existence of some evidence (“evidence”) doesn’t automatically outweigh all the rest. A perfect example being: 

Don’t be that woman. But all that takes time to learn and it requires the ability to admit you were wrong. Sometimes about small things (“Oh yeah, I forgot that happened!”) as well as about incredibly massive things (“Shit. I’ve been basing my identity around this inaccurate concept and using it to hurt many, many people...”) Both of which are needed to create compassionate human beings who, by default, are not born knowing All The Things Ever. Thus, this is why analyzing “stupid” shows like RWBY isn’t the useless activity that many would prefer to paint it as. If you can learn how to critically engage with what people say about your favorite show, you’re developing the same skills needed to critically engage with, say, what the president is currently tweeting about...

ANYWAY, that’s a bit more of a deep dive than the ask probably meant to produce. But here we are :D

[glassprism]

Since you're also in other fandoms, are there any ships/pairings you like? Who's your favourite pairing in POTO? Who are your favourite characters (from POTO to all your other fandoms) and why? Ooh, here's a rather unusual one: who's your favourite side character (name one for all your fandoms!) and why?

Yeah, definitely! Though whether some can be counted as actual “ships” is debatable, as you’ll see in a bit.

For Phantom, my favorite “ship” is the love triangle - E/C/R. Not in a polyamorous, threesome way, but one where I love the dynamics of the characters, the way they affect one another, the ways Erik and Raoul are similar and different. So it’s not quite a “ship” in a traditional sense where I want characters to end up with each other, but more in the sense that I like to explore and analyze them.

As for other “ships” or pairings, I’m just going to list, like, every fandom or random-ass thing I’ve ever loved in semi-chronological order (time to go back to my middle school fandoms!). Under the cut for length.

Harry Potter: Sirius Black and Harry Potter. I adored the godfather-godson bond between the two (absolutely no romance; I clicked on an mpreg fic of the two when I was but a wee lass of twelve and it scarred me): how Harry was the last living reminder of Sirius’s best friend, whose death he still feels responsible for; how Sirius is the parental figure Harry wanted, how they were never able to be happy god damn it Rowling. (You can imagine how much my eleven year old self cried when I read the fifth book. Oh boy, the tears.)

Star Wars: Vader and Luke. Again, totally familial, father-son relationship only. (Speaking of scarring experiences, I once stumbled on a romance fic between the two, where yes, both of them were still father and son, and I have that summary etched into my brain permanently.) The way Vader obsessively hunts down Luke, the first emotional connection he has had with a person in literal decades! The way Luke has just ached all his life for a father figure, to the point where he will take a homicidal Sith lord if that’s who he is! How he never gives up on trying to redeem him! How Luke is right. Loud screeching.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Will Turner and Bootstrap Bill and Will Turner and Henry Turner. More sad father-son dynamics (you may be noticing a pattern here). Repeat what I said with the Star Wars relationships, only with more pirates and less homicide. (And way more parental abandonment guilt.)

Halloween: Michael Myers and Laurie Strode,  remake universe. Yet again, no romance, just a severely messed-up brother-sister relationship. I can’t begin to tell you why I like the horrific relationship between a serial killer and the little sister he was so obsessed with he ruined her life, completely traumatized her, and ended up leading to her death, but I do. Maybe it’s the dark obsession aspect of it, that in the midst of all his murders, there’s still one person Michael Myers longs to have a connection with, the baby sister who represented total innocence in his mind. Maybe it’s the “what could have been” aspect too, as Laurie never recognizes him or realizes their connection until it’s far too late. Maybe I need to re-examine my life choices. I’ll figure it out someday.

Bat Boy The Musical: Bat Boy/Shelley. Yes, this is a romance; yes, they are half-brother and half-sister, yes, you can get on me about this, but in my defense how about you watch the musical and NOT come out of it shipping these two against all your better instincts.

POTO: E/C/R, as stated above and for all those reasons. Oh, and you know what - The Phantom and Gustave from Love Never Dies. Can’t get away from those father-son ships. I actually care about that relationship than E/C or R/C in LND (maybe because both E/C and R/C suck in the sequel so what else am I going to latch onto).

Batman: Listed here, but my heart really lies with three ships. Jaytim is the first: it’s the whole “angry woobie destroyer of worlds who hates everyone meets seemingly well-adjusted and cheerful individual who is secretly hiding their own issues” dynamic. Bane/Talia from The Dark Knight Rises is the second. Doesn’t matter if it’s familial, friendship, protector and protectee, or romantic, I eat it up, and to be fair, it’s never explicitly stated what the relationship is in the movie. All we know is that the two grew up together in a hellhole prison, probably dependent on and solely trusting only one another, and that bond continues even after they leave, and not even death will make them leave one another. Finally, we have Jason Todd/therapy from the Arkham games. Because the poor guy needs it.

MCU: STEVE/BUCKY (aka Stucky). This ship (again, could be friendship or romantic) dominated my thoughts for four years. Steve’s fish-out-of-water status! Bucky’s horrific imprisonment under Hydra. The way the two find each other after and the angst. The fact that Steve refuses to kill Bucky and, even after seventy years, succeeds in breakthing through to him because their connection runs that deep. The fact that Marvel just ruined this relationship so now I have to rely on fanfic. Oh yes, and I also slowly fell into the Kastle ship (Frank Castle aka The Punisher and Karen Page). Another “hardened killer with sad backstory who connects to idealistic young woman with hidden darkness” dynamic.

Terminator: T-800 aka “Uncle Bob” and John Connor. Returning to sad father-son dynamics, I have this from Terminator 2. A robot learning emotions! A boy learning to take his place as a leader and all-loving hero. The bond they form, partially because the T-800 will do nothing else but protect John and partially because John has no father-figure of his own, so his robot bodyguard will do. THE ENDING.

ASOIAF/GOT: I actually have very few ships from here other than Arya/Gendry (and only when they’re older) and, weirdly, Theon/Sansa from the show. The Gendrya ship is just cute, it may well be the most wholesome ship on here, while Theonsa has shades of Stucky in it, I suppose, given that Theon has been tortured so badly he can barely remember his own name, until Sansa turns up and reminds him enough that he breaks out of it to help her.

Favorite characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: My favorite characters from here are probably more side characters, so I’ll just say Hermione Granger. Her focus on academics, fear of failure, and conviction that the library holds all the answers, felt all too reminiscent of myself.

Star Wars: Darth Vader,  no contest whatsoever. Cool mask, cool cape, cool lightsaber, and the absolute worst life one can imagine.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Interestingly, Will Turner. Yeah, I guess Jack Sparrow is cool and Elizabeth is absolutely awesome to watch and has the greatest change in the series, but oh-so-serious Will, with his deep loyalties and slow slide into moral ambiguity because of those loyalties, fascinates me.

Halloween: Laurie Strode, all versions. My favorite final girl, my survivor of trauma (except in the remake, where, well, she doesn’t survive). Also, her daughter in the Thorn trilogy, Jamie Lloyd, the most tragic little girl to walk across a horror movie screen.

Bat Boy The Musical: Ah, wow, haven’t thought about this. I guess Bat Boy and Shelley, more by default than anything.

POTO: Christine Daae, no contest. Love her character, love her arc, love her songs, love her costumes.

Batman: Listed here.

MCU: Bucky Barnes (unless he counts as a side character), but I also love Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Karen Page, Elektra Natchios... and I’ll leave it at that.

Terminator: John Connor. (There’s a reason I haven’t watched Dark Fate yet... or ever.)

ASOIAF/GOT: Three of them! Daenerys Targaryen, who I love because she tries so hard to rule well, who is so observant and cognizant of the things going on around her. Then Sansa Stark, who makes such astounding growth, who retains her empathy and compassion throughout, who is capable of startling perception and insight which most others underestimate. And finally, Cersei Lannister. She’s terrible. I love her.

And favorite side characters from each of those:

Harry Potter: Sirius Black may well have been my first fictional crush. But Remus Lupin is the kind of person (and teacher) I aspire to be.

Batman: I swear, depending on the comic series or movie, everyone is a side character. I’ll just link to my old ask again.

Star Wars: Batman syndrome all over again; every character in Star Wars might be a side character elsewhere, and every side character gets to be the main character of their own comic, book, movie, etc. Erm... I really liked Rose from the sequel trilogy and Chirrut Imwe from Rogue One. I find Mara Jade from the Legends universe fun to read. WAIT I GOT IT - Queen Amidala’s handmaidens from Episode I (Sabe, Rabe, Eirtae, Yane, Sache). Highly trained in both politics, decorum, and weaponry, able to be utterly nondescript or the Queen’s decoy at the drop of a hat? I love.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Hmm... you know what, I thought Syrena the mermaid was pretty cute.

Halloween: Rachel Carruthers! Your typical girl-next-door but well done and with a touching relationship with her foster sister. I will die mad about her death in the fifth movie.

Bat Boy The Musical: Uh.... I’ll get back to you on this...

POTO: Carlotta is super fun.

MCU: Oh heck, Dottie Underwood. (My taste in female characters goes like this: a) intelligent and observant, 2) sweet and compassionate, 3) batsh*t insane. She’s the third.)

Terminator: Not sure how much of a side character she is, but Kate Connor. Wife and second-in-command to John Connor, able to heal wounds and kick butt depending on what the movie requires.

ASOIAF/GOT: I’ll probably think of someone else, but you know what? Queen Rhaenys Targaryen, younger sister and wife to Aegon the Conqueror, whom he wed out of desire. Playful, spirited, loved to fly, sponsored musicians, initiated reforms for the smallfolk, what’s not to love? (Apart from one possibility of her death... but we don’t talk about that.)

[uninterestiing]

i liked your post on matteo taking his time to process things, so i'd love to know what your thoughts are on david being outed?

hhhhhhhhh well from what i’ve seen in the tag, i disagree with like 90% of youse and was gonna hold my thoughts till later… but since you asked… yeah i reckon its good writing actually.

(beware under the cut, this is long)

so disclaimers before people get big mad: i’ve actually been in the situation depicted. i’m a gay trans guy who came out in year 12 & to me, it’s extremely realistic. teachers in my last year of high school pulled me aside to say all kinds of nasty shit and the rumour of my transness spread around pretty fuckin quickly. it was a fucked time in my life but i didn’t have any issues watching the last clip, i enjoyed it and found it pretty relatable honestly, especially the teacher bit because its a really common thing trans kids go through to be harassed more by staff than students, but i’ve never actually seen it be depicted before… but i’ll also say, im really not easy to upset and almost impossible to offend when it comes to trans stuff. i work as an openly trans person in the media and my skin is very thick, 17 year old me who was experiencing it real-time would have probably been shaken up a bit.

that said, like i discussed in my other post about this, realism doesn’t automatically equal good storytelling! so what is good storytelling?

big subject obviously, but rn i’m gonna define it as a consistency of theme, tone, and character. (its also how well you tie all those things up at the end but i wont comment on that because… druck ain’t finished yet and we need to remember that!) plus, of course, it’s just… whether you like it? which is completely subjective, and something i can only comment on for myself!

so i think the main issue here is that people expect things from druck it never promised them, and from the very beginning was never going to be.

take the perspective issue for example, which effects tone & character immensely. i’ve seen numerous complaints that the show isn’t depicting the trans issues from an internal perspective. which is interesting, since from the very start, we’ve known that was the case. we knew it was matteo’s season, and we knew how very, very closely skam shows follow their protagonists. everything is from their perspective. so i knew it was never gonna be about trans issues from a trans perspective because david was not the main character, he’s the love interest. that was evident from day one ya’ll it’s how the show is structured. and that is Not Inherently A Bad Thing, it’s just not what some of you wanted.

however… druck has stretched the limits of perspective more than any other version. the texts, for instance, are not just the main’s, and do a lot for fleshing out the background characters. also (and this is thematically important) it showed the way outing / spreading of rumours actually happens irl. re-watching the last clip i noticed that they leave matteo’s POV for a second, and “switch” to david as he’s coming down the stairs, realising what’s happening. not so much as to break the consistency of the show’s structure, but enough to make the audience really understand the gravity of what’s happening. it’s done really fluidly and i thought it was a genius way to both keep it matteo’s story, but also, give that moment a much needed trans perspective, because i really don’t think all that ringing distortion sound was matteo’s panic. 

and really, i just don’t think a trans person needs to be the main character of the show for it to be good representation. i think they have done an exceptional job of not tokenizing david by making sure to establish his whole character & his relationship with matteo before his trans identity was confirmed on the show, in the exact same way they do with the other evens and their mental illnesses in every other version. and honestly, when it comes to trans men, there’s very little media stereotypes or negative tropes that they could have conformed to because there’s not enough representation yet for those to have actually formed. like, we know druck won’t kill david off, and i don’t really know any other tropes that exists for trans men in storytelling at the moment. a lot of the show is covering new ground subject wise, they don’t have a script to follow, so some minor blunders are to be expected.

over all, the fandom jumps the gun every damn time. the show decides to have conflict or deal with a social problem and everyone looses it, as if that’s not been the entire ethos of skam since the OG. skam / druck is a teen show that deals with identity issues. every season picks topics to educate on through the story, and they do it with a lot of care and research.that’s the whole deal, it’s why the show exists, fucking of course they aren’t going to brush over trans issues, it amazes me that people thought they would, and that there would be no conflict and it’d play out like fanfiction fluff. here’s another really good post about it.

so obviously, this season is about about being gay and being trans, but specifically about outing, and has stressed this theme all the way through, way more than any other version. so friday’s clip is what i’d call a natural culmination of theme and narrative. in terms of the queer experience, and the trans experience, i think it was a very good idea to take on coming out / outing as a central thematic and narrative through-line, because it’s one of the central things gay and trans people have in common. and then analyzing them both in comparison and contrast throughout the story, really works and makes for good fucking writing, pacing and - yup, you guessed it - consistency.

i find the choice to situate a trans man as the love interest, and therefore, an object of desire, incredibly subversive. and though yes, stories with trans protagonists are lacking, literally any form of story where trans people exist is lacking, and the creators of druck wanting to tell a story about what it means to love & be in a relationship with a trans person is just as important a story to tell as any other, and complaining about what “type” of trans story is more important to tell first, or which aspect of trans existence to highlight more, is ridiculous. at the end of the day, one story cannot cover everything, and the writers had to make choices as to where their focus would lie. and there’s literally nothing wrong with their specific choices in subject matter (being trans in the context of relationship & outing, mainly), other than personal preference.

so like i said in my previous post: wanting a comfort show where trans characters exist, but the trans experience is not plot-relevant, is fine & cool. i really want that too, but not here. getting angry or upset that druck did… exactly what skam shows do… is stupid. and then turning around and blaming your dislike, which is born out of judging a show by the wrong genre standards, on “bad writing”, is just plain wrong. this show is amazingly produced. just… c’mon guys. chill.

(also @ every weird cis person in the tag giving fuckin condolences & saying their askbox is open if someone needs to talk…… stop. literally nobody asked. its so weird. we didn’t put a call out for you to be upset on our behalf. its just a tv show. like its super important rep for us… but its also just a tv show that people can just not watch if its not your cup of tea.)

tl;dr the friday clip was fucking good and made sense because druck is well written, acted, researched and produced, is really not transphobic (in fact i’d say it’s pretty subversive), and it’s also not the creators fault when you’re disappointed by the direction taken in a show that was crystal clear what direction it was headed into!

[kanene-yaaay]

It started when...

Kanene’s note: Aaaa, okay! This little guy here give me some trouble and I had to re-write it some times but I really liked the ideia, so my butter heart didn’t let me to dig it in some deep archive of my computer, soooo…

Here he is!! Is a boy fluff! xDD

Well, at first it was suppose to be a OC fanfic, but then I felt some urge to made a Logan liking tickling and I think I didn't captured his personality very well xD. However, I really loved the result! Hope you enjoy this as well!!!

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* This characters don’t belongs to me! They all belongs to Thomas Sanders! Yaaay!

* This is a SFW Tickle-fic, so, if you don’t appreciate this kind of content, please, look for another arts. There are a lot of wonderful arts in this site!!  ^w^)b

* Something around 4000 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any and every advice is very very welcome! \(-w-)/

* This idea, like most of the good ideas came from NOWHERE! It’s pretty funny to write, tho. Hope you all enjoy it!

* Portuguese Version coming soon!! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Have a incredible week!  Byeioo!~

                      [~*~]

‘If you could create your own Tickle World. How it that would be?’

(~.~)

For Roman it started when Logan stopped going to his room to talk about new video ideas and their developments. Not that it was an obligation of the said (in truth, sometimes it was very frustrating and tiring), but it had become part of the creative guardian routine, almost a bonding moment between both.

Most of time it was good and the royal side found himself waiting for this weekly moments that for some unknown reason  simply ceased from existion. They diminished little by little until  became so sporadic that Roman took the responsibility into his own hands and now made a point of visit the other when he missed these meetings or just had a random idea and felt the necessity to share it, even if it was undeveloped.

He never addressed this fact to Logan, simply for the lack of some subject that connected or lead to that or for being too distracted debating the good and improving points in the script, where they could be changed and the trails that it would be leading. Because of this he just remembered to bring up the conversation when he already was out of the other’s room, don’t find much motivation to return and broke the pleasant conversation they both had, for the most of time at least, for a subject of which Roman didn’t even knew to what territory it would lead.

For that reason, the subject on matter was left aside.

For Patton, the things initiated a little earlier, perhaps at the very beginning of everything. Just at that period when the one who wears tie moved his balcony chair for a point further away and hidden from the front window.

Those moments when the evening reading in the living room were shifted to the went to his bedroom from where he didn’t came back so early, and, when he did it was only for a short amount of time or somewhere a little farther from the couch itself. Patton lost the count on so many times Virgil had to hiss, like an adorable and cute dark kitty- Okay, focus! Focus!!- until Logan transfers himself to other place or furniture.

The guardian of morality couldn’t help himself in feeling… a bit worried with the behavior change, however, every time he thought in mention it he noticed the extremely rare and calm smile opened so naturally in Logan’s face as he stared something in his phone.

For this reason, for him, the subject on matter was half left aside.

For Virgil, realizing the change on the routine and natural order of the house was absolutely common, small changes happened with small new activities, and the curious aspect definitely was someone who always sought to explore the newest types of knowledge and, due this, for him the things just really began when this change on the routine became… well… routine.

The brain of one on hoodie didn’t waited too much before starting to have the most miscellaneous theories as answers to the not-so-sudden but equally strange change. The hypothesis varied according to his humor, going from it all being Deceit faking being Logan (refuted since both already had been seemed together fighting for the last cup of coffee) to everything being his fault because of his adaptation by the Light Sides, which was the favorite one of that voice in the deep of his mind.

Nevertheless, between all of them, just one hypothesis proved itself as the truth. It was proven on a cold day, the reason why everyone was locked in their room enjoying the warmth from their own beds.

Everyone but Virgil, who already had an almost natural protection (he already accepted the hoodie as part of his own body, it doesn’t matter what the society says.) and calmly headed for the television looking forward to re-watch some movies seeking the references that the last conspiracy theory video he saw said to exist, when his gaze met the shape layed on the couch dropping bubbling giggles.

Logan. Bubbling giggles.

These was for sure two things which didn’t seemed nestable at all, but wow, formed a pretty picture.

So that was it. Logan has an obscure secret. An obscure secret that made him lightly, happily giggle.

(Blackmail, maybe?)

The anxiety’s representation cursed the logic side for being always so respectful about his personal space, his thoughts opinions, desires and almost everything that involved Virgil feeling comfortable, supported and calm around them; because this fact just pushed away any and every evil will to sneaky behind Logan and finally cease once and for all his curiosity.

Consciousness. For that reason, he had to leave the subject on matter aside. But not completely, oh no, never completely.

(~.~)

Logan felt restless. He tapped the fabric of his pants lightly and observed all the landscape, trying to focus on its details and analyze them, seeking for distract his brain off the story he had read the last night, however his mind was always an indomitable spirit when it was referring to this subject. He spent the entire morning thinking, visualizing it, and before he could have a minute for researching about the stars and finally focusing in something else Roman called everyone to discuss in his room about the new scenario that would be used for the special video, which it showed as a proposal practically irrefutable to Logan, who put his obligations above almost every other thing.

- I let the room as a white canvas for we paint it at our desire! - The nomination maybe have been a little too literal, although it didn’t captured the whole essence of the albino forest surrounding the quarter. -   Sure I will be the first who- PANDA COSPLAY, IF YOU PUT ‘WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE’ ONE MORE TIME, I SWEAR FOR THE HOLY SWOR-

Logan rolled his eyes for the duo fight, and when his glaze dropped all his body froze, electric goose bumps ran down every inch of his skin, his eyes slightly widening, tense muscles.

The grass around him was beginning to transform, to color itself. From where his feet touched green spirals started to very calmly unfold, as if unaware about its surrounding, including the fright of its ‘creator’.

But, since nothing in life is easy, of course it was not only in color that the grass was being transfigured, but also in shape. The centimeters around his shoes were no longer grass, and yes small green, and as it seemed, extremely soft feathers.

Logan felt blush, nevertheless, more than blush he felt scared… No, ‘scared.’ wasn’t the correct word.

Apprehensive. He felt apprehensive

The rationality’s representation glanced at the others, who fortunately wasn’t paying any attention to him.

He stepped back. The color and feathers followed him, each footprint leaving the place more modificated and colorful. Logan felt his mouth dry. That was a bad idea. An awful idea. He wasn’t supposed to feel that way, wasn’t supposed to have this kind of thoughts. He was the logic, rational, serious, trustworthy, fact-based, not shaken up by feelings side.

Apprehensive. Anxious.

Virgil turned around, letting Roman and Patton chat a little about the scenario to discuss a few option with Logan, since he probably would already have some analysis about the place and more tangibles ideas whic-

His eyes widen.

“Coming here was a mistake. I need to do something. I should…. I should….”

- Logan. Logan. Hey, hey, hey. - He lifted up his glare, allowing himself to look as vulnerable as he felt. Virgil moved closer, their eyes met. - It’s alright. Everything is alright. - His voice was in a slowly, velvety, paused tune. Logan’s muscles slightly relaxed. - There are no problem, ok? It’s alright. We are here. It is we, and we are here at your side.

The one who wears a tie nodded, closing his eyes for a moment and bringing up Thomas’ memories from when he was anxious. He taken a deep breath, always a deep breath.

Breathe in. Hold it for seven seconds.

One…

- Everything is alright.

Yes. It was. It was they and everything was alright.

Virgil finally looked down, seeing what was source of concern for the rational side. The green color began to grow more vivid, more palpable as the spirals increased and expanded, getting bigger and bigger until the divisores lines mingled and they form a only one greenish circle.

Two…

Keep your eyes closed. It is more easier to control myself when my eyes are closed. Focus on the breathing. Focus on the dark. There is nothing to be afraid of.

The movements were bold, precise and calculated. Almost mesmerizing. Now little white particles loosened from the circle that resembled the grass. These particles fluttered in the air for a few moments before starting to stretch and took… a softer, fluffier, delicate shape.

Three…

There is nothing to be afraid of.

Wait. Is those feathers?

Four…

It is they. It is they. It is they. There is no problem because it is they.

A pleasant cold wind became, as if it brought distant news of a coming rain. It was so nostalgic that automatically all the muscles off his body loosen and the sound of small raindrops hitting the treetops became present, even if there was no visible cloud.

Five…

They are family. And respect me, so it is alright. Everything is under my control.

The wind made all the feathers move faster and faster, spiraling around Logan and his concentrated countenance. It was like a little private swirl.

And it spined, it spined, it spined and spined spined spined spined.

Six…

And he could be the aspect responsible for the rationality, knowledge and logic for certain, however it didn’t prevented him to be something more, or to appreciate what he appreciated. It was ok.

It always was.

Patton and Roman’s voices stopped to echo across the room, their gazes finally meeting the peculiar scene unfolding in front of their eyes. They both turned, the attention completely captured.

Seven.

- Logan?

The logic side opened his eyes.

Breathe out.

The swirl exploded consuming everything in a matter of few seconds. Nobody could hear nothing and even less utter some other word. They assumed a defensive pose, arms in front of their eyes and legs tensed ready to run away from any danger; until they realized that wasn’t any real danger. The feather didn’t even touched much their skin, feeling more as a stroke than any other thing.

The sensation ceased. The weather seemed different, colder, lighter, cozier.

And, when they were sure that everything really stopped, that there would be no further transformation, everyone opened his eyes, their breath catching for an instant, as if afraid to spoil the art-  no! Even better… the world around them.

Through all the space white feathers graciously floated to the ground, as little drops of paint in a emerald green that covered the whole grass, which stirred with the calm breeze that hitted it and and lead to green feathers also been released from the said and fly for few seconds before coming back to their original places. Not that it was always possible, since some usually  ended up trapping themselves in the greyish trunks of leafy trees painted in colors that went from pastel to vivids, flashy shades. Small vines decayed from the branches.

Roman stepped forward, curiously touching a pastel one, which wrapped around his wrist, soft as a blanked, each touch leading to electric shivers that made an involuntary smile groom in his face.

The trees were neither too tall nor too high, fact that allowed the cloudy sky been easy seem, not as an anticipation for a storm, but as if it was predicting an pleasant weather either to go out for a wandering or to stay home under the covers catching up on your favorite series. Virgil heard something else, however, he didn’t needed to focus too much before listen the velvety voices came audibles, as if they were brought by the pleasant-scented breeze.

“You are wonderful.”

“Does it tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle?~”

“I’m so proud of you.”

“Oh, it seems like someone is a bit ticklish.~”

“Thank you for all your effort.”

“I didn’t even did nothing and already became a blushy mess! Coothie coothie coo!”

“You did a good job.”

“The tickle monster is gonna getcha, getcha, getcha!”

- No! - Logan’s protests snapped everyone out of their trance, causing their eyes quickly find him, who had tripped and now attempted to get away from two floating gloves that mischievously wiggled their fingers in his direction. The huge smile on his face was almost as noticeable in his tune, whose its owner didn’t had any really warm on trying to escape. - Don’t  you dare to approach an infinitesimal cent-ack!! Nohohohohohohohohohohoho!

All the words went in vain, transfiguration  themselves in laugh when the two gloves ignored his warnings and attacked his ribs. Logan let himself lay on the grass, little snorts flying from his mouth as the said struggled to hold back his laughter, but nothing compared to the volume of the squeal that came from Patton’s lips as he processed the scene unfolded. He excitedly bitted his knuckles, don’t waiting a half second before running to the other.

- Logan!! I can’t belive you like tickling!!!

- Ohohohohohohohohohoho nahahahahahHAHAHAHAAHAaha!! - Their fingers started to focus in his hips, reason why the loud squeaks and more uncontrollable giggles leaved his mouth, but the logic aspect used all his willpower to cover his face with his hands, rolling to the opposite side in order to not being able to see the expression which the cat lover gives to him. Part of him relieved for don’t need to hide nothing anymore and part still very apprehensive with what all of this would result.

- Uh huh, sir! - Patton playfully complained, a grin spreading across his face as he sat at Logan’s side, his hands quickly, and very skillfully, meeting his armpits. Logan shrieked before get lost in a laughing sea, removing his hands from his face in a attempt to stop the new pair which tickled him. His face was completely red, the smile almost brighten the room for its light for being so big, his nose wrinkled and little dimples starting to been present. Patton felt his gaze shine, also laughing. - No hiding that wonderfully cute face of yours, mister! I can’t believe that you didn’t told us sooner, Lo-lo! 

- We can all agreed that this is… how would you say it…? - Virgil showed up, discovering to be an impossible mission not smile at the scene. The melodious giggles, yelps and squealing from both sides filled the air. - undeniably adorable.

Unable to explain why, Logan’s laugh increased, his legs squirming when the dad’s quarter got bored from his armpits and now went for his tummy, scratching, poking, squeezing and making his fingers dance through all its extension, which would surely made the mind’s representation curl in a defensive ball, if it wouldn’t the gloves changing its tickles to his thighs, each knead leading to a different squeal.

A thought crossed the one on hoodie’s brain. His smile faded.

- Hey, Patton. - His voice was more serious, a little fearful. - Wait, wait, wait! - He holded his shoulder, slightly pulling him back and making the paternal one reluctantly stop his ‘attack’, staring Virgil with that ‘lost puppy’ eyes, with a Logan behind thanking silently, or as quietly as possible when laughter and snorts unintentionally kept escaping from his lips due two fingers that teasingly scratch the underside of his knees, taking a few sips of air.

- Kiddo, I know you also wanna have some fun, but you need to be patient and wait your turn! -Virgil felt his entire face on fire, especially as Logan turned, apparently interested in the conversation.

- That isn’t it! - Patton couldn’t help but grin with the defensive tune the other used. Virgil frowned and rolled his eyes, his hands gesticulating all over the room. - This situation… It’s too much to show at once. Logan can be feeling vulnerable, maybe even uncomfortable to being exposed like this.

Both turned to the said, worried, alarmed looks. Logan opened his lips, only for a little squeak jump when the gloves started to squeeze and knead his kneecaps, his wobbly arms tried to remove them, but in vain.

- He need a little break… Roman! - The guardian of anxiety drew the other’s attention, who had to break free of some vines before joining the group, his hair a little messed up and with a breathless smile.

- Oh, why do you call , stormACK!! - The prince’s phrase was interrupted when the purple lover grabbed the gloves and tossed them on him, who even tried to fight against the saids, however ended subdued by skills when they found way to his feet. - VIRHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIGIL!! NOhohohohohohOHOHOHOHO!

- Sorrey, dude. - Virgil smirked receiving a sharp, but without any anger in it, glare from the aspect of creativity. It was pretty hard take him serious when the said was squirming and happily laughing, tough.

- Uhuhu. You are evil. - Patton also excitedly smiled, before the duo remembered the previous topic of conversation and turned round to the logic side.

Logan was already sitting, adjusting his glasses and tie, his face still had remnants of the blush so as the smile. Everything got quite quiet, apart from Roman, who still laughing with the tickles. Maybe it was that laugh that gave Logan a bit more bravery to lift his gaze, clean his throat and stare the two side who observed him full of cautelous.

- A-about the previous question, Virgil. - For a moment he wished that the voices stopped their teasing, being promptly answered. Thank you. - I appreciate your concern and the free of judgment reaction of everyone, nevertheless. - “The vulnerability, no, the intimacy doesn’t bother me for the only main fact that it is you all, and I know that I’m more protect in your hands than any other on this vast universe.” - N-no hassle. - At least he could remind and utter something from his lift cards, since his brain didn’t seemed to much helpful on this moment. His face was gonna to melt, he was sure of it. - The sensation of vulnerability just would bother me if the fear of rejection was still present or our intimacy wasn’t yet strong. - Looked away. - The latter situation clearly isn’t the case and the first one… There is no reason to be afraid of. - And shut himself.

- Oh, Lo-lo, you are so silly… - Patton knelt down in front of him, staring in such a tender and affectionate way that for a moment Logan really realized how his fear was irrational. - There is no problem in like tickling. - The smile of the paternal figure increased when notice Logan squirm and lightly blush as heard the word.

- We would never criticize you for something like that. - Virgil didn’t knelt down, but the meaning on between his lines already demonstrate enough. -  Liking is liking. If it’s nothing hurting anyone… - Then shrugged.

- In fact is making good! Now we know what to do to hear your fabulous laugh! - The representation of morality evil smirked, wiggling his fingers, which made Logan instinctively stepped away, seeking help on Virgil, who seemed a bit surprise by his action, but he grinned, grabbing one of the flying feathers and twirling this between his fingers.

Logan stepped some more centimeters away as precaution, little giggles beginning to form between his lips.

- Without to mention that he seems to having so much fun! - Patton pointed to Roman, everyone turning to observe the scene where the aspect of hope and dreams still laughing with the gloves’ attack, which apparently found themselves in the mission of create the most bubbling and snorts almost at the same time by scribbling white feathers on his neck.

- Don’t we should help him?

- Do not worry. - Logan adjusted his glasses, voice stuffed with a slightly playfulness. - I programed the gloves to feel when you want more tickles or not. As long Roman don’t wish anymore tickle there wouldn’t be any of it. All of this ‘world’ works as this.

- I have to admit I’m a bit jealous. - Patton absently commented, taking one of the feather falling in circle moviments to the ground. The creator felt his eyes gloom, an absurd urge to smile taking over his body.

- Is that so, Patton? Well, allow me to help you with this impasse. - and before anything could be answered Logan hugged him from behind, digging his fingers on his tummy and leading belly laughter to explode from the cat lover, who started to squirm almost instantality. 

- THAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAT WanS’T WHAHAHahahahahAHAHAT I meAN! LOHOHOHOHohohohohohohohohohohoHOHOHOHO! - His laughter were totally filled with high pitched squeals and screams almost as adorable as his personality.

- Oh, but after your attack I believe that is my right to seek revenge. - His whispered words tickled the shell of the other’s ear, who immediately attempted to hide the ticklish spot in his shoulder, receiving a raspberry in the vulnerable side of his neck. - How kind of you to show that delicate point of yours so I can tickles, tickles, tickles, Patton. Very considerate of you.

- NahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahaha!!! - He stopped to struggle, just lightly squirming and letting himself to be carried away on this moment of playfulness and affection from the other, the teasing painting a strong blush on his cheeks and small droplets started to accumulate in the corner of his eyes. Virgil snorted.

- Don’t think that I forgot you, Virgil. - Logan only glanced the one on hoodie, but that alone was already enough to release cold shivers down his spine, smile starting to rise in his face. Even when the logic side came back to give attention on the victim on his claws his Fight or Flight instincts didn’t stopped to kick in.

Something velvety wrapped around his waist.

- NO! Wait!!! - Virgil tried to dislodge the vine that involved him, turning around on time to see other in light colors happily coming towards him. - I didn’t even did nothing! Let me g-

- Precisely, dear Virgil. You have allowed me to be attacked without lifting a single finger, and I believe that  judicially, this can be termed ‘complicity’. - The soft vines began to curl up around all his body, vibrating as they purred. Virgil closed his eyes and pursed his lips tightly, putting effort for any giggle came out of his mouth. Logan’s expression softened a little. - Do not worry, the pastel ones are responsible for light tickles. - When one found its way to that sweet spot beneath his shoulder blades and camped there the barrier broke, a flow of giggles, snorts, and low yelps flyed from his mouth. Virgil’s legs failed in keep him up and for that reason he ended up being carried, having the sensation that he floated in pure light, soft and unbearable tickles. The smile on his face wasn’t huge, but seemed able to light all the space with its cuteness.

And, for Logan, it was in this exact moment, when the carefree laughter walked and danced through all the room that he spent hours and hours imaginating, that everything started…

… to get really interesting.

[thesublemon]

songs of impotence and experience

In the last couple years, I’ve revisited a lot of the things that were meaningful to me when I was younger. I’m not exactly sure why I did that. Some nostalgia. Some curiosity about whether they held up. Some sense that maybe I could get some insight into myself. Why did I love the things I loved at a time when my id was more unfiltered? What did the younger version of myself need art about that maybe the adult version doesn’t?

A lot of the works are superficially goofy genre shit, but space ships, aliens and made-up words never really felt like it was what I loved about them. My taste was just as indiscriminate as a kid as it is now, which meant I read and watched and liked a wide variety of things. Proper literary things, even. I don’t think it’s an accident that I often connect(ed) with superficially goofy genre shit. Just like I don’t think it’s an accident that a different person might connect with musicals or period movies. But that’s an aspect of my personality to analyze another time.

No, what I realized was that all of these space-and-aliens-stories…on some level, were impotence stories. They’re stories about being manipulated by outside forces, or having shit stuck in you against your will. Stories about parasites. Stories about going insane. And while those might sound like “intense” themes for a child or teenager to be preoccupied with (as if children and teenagers don’t feel things intensely), I realized that it actually made complete and utter sense. When you’re young it feels like things are constantly just happening to you. Adults make decisions for you. Society makes demands of you. It’s hard to know what power you even have, let alone how to use it. Of course I’d relate to impotence.

I remember being obsessed with Ender’s Game. I don’t even know how many times I read it between the ages of 8 and 12. There was something in me that identified with being a pawn in an adult’s world, where your intelligence or your allegiance could be used to fight their wars and you’d have no control over it, no understanding of it. This sense that you were hurting others by proxy, fighting the wrong fights, because you didn’t understand how your power was being used. But that you had power. The feeling that if you were smart and special enough to be wanted, or to know that something was up, then you should have been smart enough to change the game.

Of course there’s arrogance in believing that you, a child, are so important that all of these adults want things from you. Arrogance in looking at a 6 year old military genius and going that speaks to me. But the truth is, adults do want things from children, even “unremarkable” children. They might want a child’s validation, obedience, affection, loyalty or even something as simple and benign as happiness. Being an unhappy child when you know your parents just want you to be all right? What a feeling of failure.

There was a sense that all of these adults—including but not limited to my parents—were invested in religion, or politics, or personal narratives, or some view of the world, and I had the power to reinforce it. I could grow up to be a good exemplar of their ideological beliefs, I could give them the feeling that I admired or needed them, I could pay them attention, I could tell them I believed them. But I couldn’t know whether doing those things was what I actually wanted. I couldn’t know if twenty years down the line I’d be yearning for an enemy’s forgiveness, and speaking for the dead.

*

Fast-forward to Farscape. Farscape is about a character who looks like he should be the hero. A character who knows the same hero stories we know, and thinks he should live up to them. But then the narrative makes him alien, and incompetent, and strips him of his every bit of cultural context and familiarity. In a narrative sense, it “feminizes” him. People want things from John Crichton, and it never has anything to do with him as a person (“Don’t be jealous Frau Blücher. He only loves me for my mind.”). Everyone is always hijacking his body and putting things into it. Microbes, needles, knowledge, chips. He spends most of the show with the villain literally living inside his head. An inescapable, macabre companion that aggressively dresses himself in the drag of Crichton’s psyche.

Language is a constant motif in Farscape, because language is how you communicate yourself. If you lack language, you’re impotent. You’re alien. It’s no coincidence that Crichton’s first moment of alien-ation is that he’s injected with translator microbes. It’s no coincidence that A Human Reaction flips repeatedly between how the alien characters sound to humans, and how they sound to Crichton. It’s no coincidence that the final horror of Die Me Dichotomy is that Crichton loses his power of speech. It’s no coincidence that Aeryn starts learning English, and Crichton starts quipping in Spanish. It’s no coincidence that Crichton starts the show speaking in incomprehensible human cultural references to aliens and ends up speaking in incomprehensible alien references to humans (“Fred Scarran. From the Gainesville Scarrans.”).

And not to be unbearably personal, but as a teenage girl who was going deaf, I responded to all of that. On a basic, physical level I felt like I was losing my ability to understand people, and by virtue of not understanding, becoming unable to make myself understood. A feeling of standing outside myself and watching myself become an alien. A feeling of invasion because I could no longer exist without technological augmentation. But there was also a gendered level. Being a girl and feeling like the world’s reaction to my physical form suddenly had consequences that it was up to me to either mitigate or capitalize upon. That sexuality was suddenly something I was supposed to be able to wield, and I had no idea how. This feeling that my body was betraying me both functionally and as my means of mediating between my Self and the world. In other words, a feeling that biology and social narratives were conspiring, like the universe in Farscape, to “feminize” me.

There was a cultural level too. I was aware of being in this American social moment that seemed grotesquely material and political. So are all moments in their own way, but I didn’t know that then. All I knew was that all these people cared about PT Cruisers and Super Size Me and Idiocracy and The Simple Life and Fahrenheit 911 and freedom fries and cartoons of Bush as a monkey. All these adults were begging for me to take a side about these things that felt stupid and ugly and profane. And none their interest in my side-taking had anything to do with me, anyway.

So at that time I wanted a hero’s journey that wasn’t a hero’s journey. I wanted a story about saying “fuck you” to the forces of the universe that were clutching at my hems and driving me insane, and going off to live as an alien and eking what joy I could from it. A story about saying “no” to the two equally evil sides of any evil, pointless war. I wanted a story about how maybe that made you a monster, or maybe that was a heroic thing to do. Maybe there was something horrible about it, but maybe there was something wonderful in it too.

*

Rewind to Animorphs. The whole concept of a Yeerk in your head using your body and speaking out your mouth. If my attraction to Ender’s Game was in part about the fear that adults and institutions were hijacking my abilities, then Animorphs was about the fear that the adults themselves were hijacked. There’s real horror in the idea that your mom isn’t your mom and your friends aren’t your friends, but prisoners trapped in their own minds, being piloted by an outside force. The fear that you’d have to re-interpret your every interaction with the people you admired or cared about, looking for ulterior motives. The feeling that say, your parent isn’t speaking their own beliefs, but rather acting as a mouthpiece for their country or their neuroses or an ad on TV.

One might rightfully observe, well isn’t that just They Live or Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Rhinoceros for kids? Yes, in part. But there’s the additional, crucial fact that these Yeerks only steal people’s bodies because they’re planet-bound slugs otherwise. The Yeerks aren’t an impersonal disease, and Controllers aren’t mindless zombies. The Yeerks are Pilots, just wanting to see the stars. Pilots that didn’t wait meekly for a Leviathan to take them or a PK to tempt them, but went and conquered an empire’s worth of sentient creatures themselves. Pilots we’re primed to see as disgusting instead of pitiable or majestic because they’re just slimy little slugs, right? The Yeerks are the antagonists because they’re the idea that powerlessness begets powerlessness. They’re the idea that you may feel impotent, but growing up to control others just makes you the villain.

It makes sense that the Animorphs are shapeshifters, and young, not just because whatever, these are technically books for children and turning into animals sounds cool. I like to imagine there’s some symbolism about flexibility there. It reminds me of His Dark Materials and the way that a child’s daemon has no settled form. An impossible circumstance? You morph. You don’t take and conquer; you change.

(I’m not reading too much into things when I say that. The books draw parallels between the Yeerks and the Animorphs from the very beginning. Marco pointing out in #1 The Invasion that Tobias wants to escape his life as badly as a voluntary Controller does. Cassie worrying in #4 The Message that they dominate the animals they morph the way the Yeerks dominate their hosts. Later in #16 The Warning they’ll debate the morality of morphing people. “Controlling” versus “morphing” is one of the most central dichotomies of Animorphs, one the Animorphs themselves do not always land on the right side of.)

Disability themes are rampant. Everyone is trapped: Tobias as a hawk, Ax on Earth, hosts in their heads, Yeerks in their pools, the Animorphs in their war. To say nothing of the times the books get explicit about it, like the Andalite taboos around vecols or that final arc when they give the ward of disabled kids the morphing power. And the question every time is, which of two non-ideal options for dealing with some limitation are you going to take? Do you live as a hawk, or do you give up? When the Animorphs give the Auxiliaries the morphing power, it isn’t a triumphant moment. They do it so the kids can fight, like the Animorphs themselves had to. They do it knowing that the kids will die.

That sort of thing was the appeal of Animorphs. They were exciting, funny, imaginative page-turners, sure. But half of the reason they were page-turners was because they centered these terrible ethical quandaries, and devastating emotional choices. That’s the kind of thing that makes you pay attention in fiction: situations where you don’t know the way out, so you don’t know what will happen. The same way you don’t know what will happen once you realize that the adults can’t be trusted, or your life isn’t entirely your own.

*

Here are some things I think are interesting.

I think it’s interesting that both the morphing power in Animorphs and Leviathans in Farscape are the things those works treat as something that can be profaned. Morphing may be described in gruesome, body horrific detail, but nonetheless an animal’s power is treated as something to be respected and used to fight. So David abusing morphing is profane. Visser Three morphing is profane. Similarly, forcing Moya to give birth to a gunship is profane. Cutting Pilot’s arms off is profane. The clones eating the walls of the ship in Eat Me is profane. And both of those, morphing and Moya, are symbols of transformation. Morphing in the obvious sense, and Moya in the sense of a guardian or shepherd or mother. The sacred instrument of your journey.

I think it’s interesting that the protagonists of all three stories change, but not necessarily for the better.

I think it’s interesting that all three stories involve loving and understanding the Other. Both Farscape and Animorphs are full of important interspecies relationships: Tobias and Rachel, Elfangor and Loren, Dak and Aldrea (it’s potentially relevant that Jake and Cassie are an interracial relationship too), or John and Aeryn, D’argo and Chiana (and Lolaan), Zhaan and Stark, Scorpius and Sikozu. Both Animorphs and Ender’s Game involve the protagonists—and the audience, by extension—learning “humanizing” things about the aliens that they’re fighting against. Aliens that have forms that they are not inclined to empathize with.

I think it’s interesting that Animorphs has a lot of the same parasitism versus symbiosis themes that Farscape does, but takes them in a direction that has less to do with sex and breeding (because as unbelievably dark as Animorphs gets they’re still books for kids) and more to do with authority. Where Farscape is full of half-breeds and genetic atrocities, Animorphs is full of gods and Galateas. In Farscape, parasitism versus symbiosis is about becoming alien in a positive way, or a self-directed way, versus being forced into alienation. Loving the Other versus being made Other. Birth imagery versus rape imagery. Whereas in Animorphs parasitism versus symbiosis is about control versus autonomy. How are people supposed to satisfy their competing desires without taking away other people’s agency? How much power should authorities have over the people they’re responsible for (and responsible to)?

#26 The Attack was always one of my favorite Animorphs books because of the way it drew parallels between all of these pseudo-children and their creators. The Pemalites made the Chee, Crayak made the Howlers, and Elfangor “made” the Animorphs. Then those children duke it out for the souls of the Iskoorts and the Yeerks. A literal war of symbiosis versus parasitism. The existence of the Pemalites and the Chee might lead one to think that creating children in your desired image is reasonable and ethical, because we all love dogs don’t we? And then you meet the Howlers, who are simultaneously pure innocents and terrifying killers. Creatures that think of killing as play, as a game of fetch, because that’s what they were made to be. The Howlers are dogs too. You realize that the Animorphs are their own kind of created beings. They were given powers to fight a war for someone else.

In other words, if you look at it a certain way, all of these children have been co-opted and controlled as much as Yeerks co-opt and control their hosts. Animorphs is deeply anti-war. And one of the main ways it’s anti-war is by painting war as something essentially parasitic. Something that chews people up. Something that traumatizes its protagonists from the word go. Something that forces you to make awful moral choices. Something that only happens when competing forces can’t resolve their needs in any other way. War is parasitic and parasitism leads to war.

I think it’s interesting that all of these stories involve war, and none of them are fond of it. They each question and deconstruct the genre of war story that they seem to belong to. Instead of telling a militaristic scifi story about crushing alien Others, and being led by nigh-mythological generals, Ender’s Game tells a militaristic scifi story about child soldiers, bureaucracy, misunderstanding the Other, and how although true genius and leadership exists, it can rarely outsmart the military apparatus that controls it. Instead of telling a campy Power Rangers tale about the wonders of friendship, Animorphs was intended, by the author’s own admission, to be a “grunts-eyed view” of combat that showed the “honest cost” of war. A group of guerrilla soldiers may form bonds and accomplish remarkable things, but their story will not end with medals or Ewok revelry. Instead of telling a utopic Star Trek story where humans are powerful and advanced and have near-imperial influence, Farscape tells a story about how humans are weak and clannish, and advanced imperial powers wage wars based on nothing better than conquest or mercenary interest. Crichton becomes a kind of warrior to defend himself, but he never becomes a soldier. He leads no armies or rebellions. He is nothing more than a bargaining chip in other people’s conflicts. The protagonists of all three stories wrestle with the guilt of having had to kill their enemies on a massive scale, and innocents along with them.

I think it’s interesting how embodied these stories are. There was something novel and arresting to my young brain, reading Peter’s jokes about pubic hair, or the descriptions of Ender smashing a boy’s nose. The feeling of a monitor in your neck, gravity and anti-gravity, the grappling shower fight. It feels uncomfortable and deliberate that these children are described in the “gross”, physical way that adults in boot-camp war stories normally are. There was something mesmerizing about all those descriptions of morphing. Every book there’d be paragraphs on paragraphs about teeth rearranging, legs sprouting, eyes popping, bones liquefying. Descriptions of the hunger and fear (and sometimes delight) of animals. Descriptions of horrifying battle wounds. Limbs removed, intestines spilling out, being eaten alive by ants. There was something affirming in how sexual, and how disgusting Farscape was. That even the puppets got horny, and John and Aeryn kissed like they meant it. That people ate and farted and were full of goo.

Change, symbiosis, bodies, war. I’m not going to overreach and claim that those themes necessarily go hand-in-hand with impotence, or that these three stories I happened to love indicate anything other than that they’re kind of story I happened to love. I recognize that I’ve glossed over potential interpretations or criticisms of these stories in order to draw the parallels that interest me. But I do think that war, i.e. super-personal conflict, and bodies are two of the most fundamental ways that power and selfhood get taken away. You lose yourself when you sign your will over to forces bigger than you, and you lose yourself when you die. Bodies are inextricable from mortality, and are a kind of shorthand for every natural circumstance you can’t control. Whereas change and symbiosis are the hopeful alternatives. Symbiosis means merging with something other, even bigger, than you, but in an inherently mutually beneficial way. You don’t get lost, because it wouldn’t be symbiosis if your needs weren’t being met, but you do become “more.” Change, in turn, implies agency. Nature and circumstance may transform you—transform you to the point of death—but you can also transform yourself. Change is a neutral force that anyone can potentially wield.

*

I don’t know that I need those stories anymore. I still love them, still find them meaningful (in fact I re-read some Animorphs to write this and I was taken aback by just how much I still honestly loved it). But I don’t recognize myself in them in quite the same way. Precisely, I think, because I do have power now. Not a lot. But I have a sense of what I’m good at, and what I can control. I dress how I like, think about what I like, talk to who I like. Having a body is a still a crock of shit, but that isn’t new information anymore. None of the ways I lack control over my life are new information anymore. And so there is less of a need to process the horror of it via fiction.

It was interesting rewatching Buffy, because Buffy was never something that I identified with when I was younger, despite the fact that it was a show about a teenage girl. Possibly because fundamentally, Buffy is a story about empowerment. Buffy has power. That’s the key thing about her. It’s true that like the characters in the other stories, she has been conscripted into a supernatural war against her will. She struggles with her agency, and is increasingly traumatized by the choices she has to make. But she wins. That is the point of her. She’s a classical hero. Her heroism is moving and satisfying because it’s never emotionally easy. It’s earned. But it’s still heroism.

So I was surprised that as an adult, I found myself relating to it. You might look at a season like season six, and think that that’s an impotence story, because a lot of it is about depression and when one is depressed one certainly feels impotent. But I see it more as a story about having agency and not knowing what the hell to do with it. The terror of “you have to make your own decisions now.” And most of the seasons are like that. They involve Buffy accepting some aspect of her power and growing up about it.

I notice a number of the stories I’ve been drawn to in my 20’s have had themes like that. I’ve found myself lingering on stories about women, and stories about confronting one’s agency. As a teenager, I loved Slings and Arrows, because Geoffrey Tennant was yet another character buffeted by outside forces (Art and Social Constraints On Art), with his own, art-related Harvey. But as an adult I was excited by Cayce Pollard instead. Someone who on the one hand is practically crippled by her responses to aesthetic stimuli, but on the other hand (a) uses this to practical effect, and (b) actually spends time examining to what extent her responses are disordered. I was similarly excited by Clarice Starling learning to pursue her taste in Hannibal.

It’s a weird shift, to realize you’re not powerless. It’s not necessarily a pleasant shift. It’s why I’ve never been compelled by empowerment stories that treat it as a triumphant, unambiguously positive thing. Stories that conflate having power with having the judgement or moral authority to use that power well. With great power comes great responsibility, but how do you know what the responsible thing to do even is? If you’re empowered by a story, all it really means is that it made you feel confident enough to make your own mistakes (or not-mistakes, of course) instead of someone else’s. Which can be quite a good and exciting thing. But it also means that if things go badly, it’s no-one’s fault but your own.

So I find that the stories about power that are most satisfying to me are actually stories about things like truth, judgment, and perseverance. Stories about solving problems. Stories about making decisions. Stories about fucking up and carrying on afterwards. Stories that treat self-possession as the hard work that it is.

*

I’m curious about what comes afterwards. Already I find myself itching for a new kind of story, but I’m not sure what. Maybe I’ll go back to needing the horror of powerlessness. Maybe I’ll find religion (the wonder of powerlessness). Maybe I’ll go full nihilism, or full hedonism. When I look at the next fifteen years of my life, I see work, but what stories does one need for that? Stories that explore the ideas that you want to explore yourself? It feels open-ended, in a way. For all that I’ve done all this talk about relating to stories, I’ve never actually explicitly gone looking for stories to relate to and identify with. That’s why I wrote this, really. It’s easy to see why I (or anyone) would be drawn to stories about people who looked me, or had the same experiences as me; less easy to see the deeper, more abstract concerns that speak to what one is preoccupied with. But even given that I’ve never had a very identitarian approach to art, I find myself caring less about relatability than ever. And maybe that’s a phase of development too. The phase at which you don’t so much need to process yourself as focus yourself. The phase at which your ego is secure enough that you can let your ego go, and be curious about other things. 

[fuckyeahcarlosandlidia]

could you please give me a little hope for carlidia next season/endgame? :(

Hi:D I perfectly know that season 4 left us with a big disappointment and so much sadness because they truly break our hearts; they did so dirty to the characters, to Lidia and Carlos’ relationship and just to go with a storyline, because everything was written to tear them apart and separate them, to roll the dice in the triangle once again.

If you read my posts, I’m a girl who likes to examine and analyze every aspect of the show, and the characters. From the very start, and to me, this is a story that could be a novel. Every chapter is connected to the other and Lidia is telling us this story.  And the story isn’t over, it’s not the end at all. They made this separation happen now and we have 2 more seasons to watch, probably shorter, because they filmed season 5 for a shorter amount of time, but still we have more chapters to watch. 

My fear has always been that the kind of ending they did for season 4 could be the very ending.  Like, you know, Lidia going back to the past that becomes future and what we thought was the future becomes the past. That scene on that ship could have very likely be the very last shot of Las Chicas Del Cable, but it wasn’t. And IMO, they totally burned that kind of ending for Lidia and Francisco, and just for HOW they made that happen. That moment is not a fairytale moment between two people who sail for a romantic cruise, it’s something forced, something Lidia would never wanted to do.

And that’s another very important thing: we got Lidia’s pov from Blanca herself. (x). it’s not that suddenly, seeing Francisco in a coma, Lidia realized she has always been wanted to be with him and just can’t wait for him to wake up so they can finally be together again.  That’s NOT the story they’re telling us. Lidia is very conscious of the choice she made, she chose Carlos because she loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him. With Francisco okay and with Francisco not okay. Clearly, the coma is a dramatic event in Lidia and Carlos’ life. Another traumatic event right after Eva’s abduction. And the whole coma thing is for Lidia and Carlos, the whole amnesia thing is for Lidia and Carlos. Francisco has no real struggle. He spent half of the season in a coma and woke up with amnesia, remembering just Alba, and being able to find the real “Alba” in a bunch of hours. He’s a plot device.  He has been a flat character through all season 3, and he has always been portrayed as the guy Lidia turns to every single time she has problems with Carlos or Carlos does something that hurts her. In season 4, it’s exactly the same thing. 

Lidia had no intention to leave Carlos, to give up on the life they have together. She just wanted Francisco to be okay again because she loves him (not in a romantic way, not as someone you’re in a relationship with) and he’s someone she wants in her life, someone who had all the rights to leave his own life. And if Carlos didn’t do what he did, everyone would get their happy ending. Because Francisco himself was just glad he found his Alba again, the only person he has memory of. Lidia ended up on that ship because she feels hurt and betrayed by Carlos. And she runs away as far as she can, so suddenly and so impulsively. To protect Eva, but also to run away from him.  And we’ll see if running away works. Because the life she wanted to life was with Carlos, and the person she wanted to be with was Carlos. And we saw how hurt she was, because only when you love that much, you feel hurt that much.

On his part, Carlos didn’t do any of that in a bad way.  Carlos starts developing insecurities and fears and he ends up being drawn by them.  You see how much he struggles and suffers, you see how his world revolves around Lidia. Everything he does is for Lidia. He’d want to protect her from everything and everyone.  He even lies for Lidia. He does the wrong thing for Lidia. It’s all about her. But unfortunately he’s not strong enough to do it because he’s in a very fragile position and he gets caught in his lies and everything we can see is his downfall. All of this is just to say that you see why this man makes a mistake, you see what he feels. And through many povs we know that Carlos is a good person (Lidia tells him in her letter) and that love makes you blind and makes you do crazy thing. And that got obsessed by his fear of losing her.  So in all of this, there’s no Francisco is good and Carlos is bad.  Lidia may think Carlos was the wrong choice and turns to a rebound as the right choice.  But that’s obvious, it’s the cliché, it happens all the time. It’s a normal reaction. But they made it too easy for Lidia and Francisco.

Also, each of these 3 people took a step back at the end of season 4.  Francisco has no memories, he pretty much misses the whole show, he just remembers a 16 years old girl, who now is a woman, but completely ignores everything that happened to her through these years.  I understand he’s moved by what he feels for her, but he’s very much a 17 years old boy in the body of a man in his 30s. And every single memory Lidia will tell him about them since they met again in Madrid, well, every single one of these memories is about Carlos, too. Lidia met Francisco again right after she met Carlos. Actually she met Francisco again because Carlos accepted her in the Company, or else she would never meet him again. So he needs to remember everything, and when he does, well, he’ll realize that he’s never been her first choice. Ever.

Lidia is back being Alba again because Francisco only remembers her as Alba.  She never wanted to Alba, she has always wanted to be Lidia.  And she even re-confirms it in front of him this season when he calls her Alba. But now it’s like she’s telling herself everything she did as Lidia Aguilar was the wrong choice, and she runs from that life. We’ll see if that works. But it’d be like telling us everything we saw is a lie. Because every single choice Lidia did from the very start had huge consequences and her choices are choices of the heart. Will she able to forget Carlos, everything they had, how much they loved each other, everything they built together? Mostly, when she has Eva to remind her of him everyday. They have a daughter together, Lidia and Carlos have a history together that just can’t compared with the one of 2 kids who lost each other at the train station and who seemed to have just that as a memory. 2 people we never saw how exactly fell in love with each other and what exactly was what draw them to each other.  Something we saw for Lidia and Carlos.

Carlos is a dead man, metaphorically. Lidia and Eva were his life and now his life is gone.  And because of something he did.  All the beautiful development this man has had since the very start, right now it’s gone. Because he has no purpose anymore, he has no more dreams, he can even die, it would hurt less. In fact, what happens to Carlos in season 5? He becomes a soldier, he’ll fight on the battlefield, risking his life. The war can play a good role for us in all this mess, and IMO they did everything on purpose to create as much more drama as possible for Lidia and the 2 men of her life.  Because the war is a plot device, a context that put everything in charge to extremes.  And to be honest, considering how things are now, it just can’t stay this way.  It sucks for everyone.

I would like to end this long post by quoting Martiño, who’s always so deep and sensitive at analyzing and talking about the show in general. I would say we’re very lucky to have Blanca and Martiño to portray our ship, not only for the chemistry and how beautiful they look together and how good they are working together, but also because they always put things in the right perspective. I re-watched this interview from season 1 (x).  And here’s what he says about the triangle. “I would like for things to get more complicated as possible. Because it’s really complicated what happens inside these characters, it’s a conflict of emotions. Obviously the real feelings of all these 3 peoples are never so clear, I mean, they have their doubts, but that’s because it’s a really complicated situation. When you have so much background as the 3 of them have, and you feel so much love to feel so much grudge as they do, for everything they’re forced to face because at some point they all felt betrayed by each other, well, I think it’s much more interesting to tell and portray and to reflect about. And I would like for things to remain like this, or else the story ends.”

Obviously many things happened since season 1, and Lidia and Carlos’s story has developed in a very big way, it’s not so usual in a triangle to get this far.  And Lidia and Carlos actually got so far because they wanted to get married (and if it wasn’t for that fire, they would be married now), they have a daughter together, and you have the freaking protagonist (whose pov is the most important one) who picks the same man each season, and who also says many things through the seasons that are heavy like stones.

So yes, to me, we do have many reasons to keep fighting for. To support this relationship, which is so beautiful and complicated.  I’m sorry if it took so long but when you make such considerations, you need to explain facts. Because everything you say need the support of real events, of what the show is telling us. Or else, we would be making up things.  I hope I answer to you the way you wished.:D

[letterboxd]

Murder, He Wrote.

“They say casting is 90 percent of directing and it was really true in this case.” Knives Out writer and director Rian Johnson tells us about the intricacies of whodunits, the joys of over-analyzing movies, and—yes—Star Wars.

From Hercule Poirot’s debut in an Agatha Christie novel in 1920, to the hard-boiled detectives of the 1930s, to the Pink Panther comedies, the whodunit was a perennially popular film genre—until its decline in the 1980s, when true-crime re-enactments took over. But, with Knives Out, writer/director Rian Johnson (Looper, Star Wars: The Last Jedi) is on a mission to reaffirm the whodunit’s rightful place on the big screen—and casually reinvent the form while he’s at it.

Knives Out has a gobsmacking ensemble, with Christopher Plummer (as writer Harlan Thrombey, the victim), Ana de Armas (as Marta, Thrombey’s nurse and confidant), Daniel Craig (as Benoit Blanc, the famous private detective who shows up to query Thrombey’s apparent suicide), and Lakeith Stanfield (as the investigating Lieutenant Elliott). Making up Thrombey’s extended, entitled family are Jamie Lee Curtis, Don Johnson, Chris Evans, Michael Shannon, Toni Collette, Riki Lindhome, K Callan, Katherine Langford and Jaeden Martell—all well fed by his wealth and determined to protect their piece of it.

It’s a Rian Johnson movie, so Noah Segan shows up as well, in perhaps his meatiest role yet, as a cop working with Stanfield. There’s also a delightful cameo from Frank Oz.

Rian Johnson directs Ana de Armas on the set of ‘Knives Out’.

Despite the lack of big-screen whodunits of late, there’s no shortage of audience enthusiasm for them, as evidenced by our ‘Murder Mystery’ Showdown, a great starting point for anyone looking to delve into the genre. Letterboxd members who have already seen Knives Out are very much enjoying what they see, with the film boasting a giant 4.2 average rating (at time of writing).

This is one of those films where you can just tell how much fun the cast is having, an aspect that Letterboxd member Wes nails in his review: “I’d really, really, really like to believe that Rian Johnson gathered all these actors in this giant house, hid some cameras everywhere, hit record, and none of what we saw was fictitious.”

Demi Adejuyigbe writes—in his charming Letterboxd review of the time he lunched with Johnson (!)—that the film is “absofuckinglutely phenomenal”. He marvels at how Knives Out stays one step ahead of what we expect from a whodunit: “How do you fool an audience that has come to be fooled? Johnson is so deftly able to get that joyful, wondrous reaction out of me by expertly controlling every aspect of the script and the direction in a way that makes it clear he sees the entire process as a symphony that he’s conducting, where the audience is just another instrument being played.”

Or perhaps Patrick Willems best encapsulates the joys of the film when he writes that Knives Out is “a movie as good as its sweaters (the sweaters are excellent)”. (The most popular sweater has its own story, here.)

When we got in a room with Rian Johnson recently, we naturally wanted to learn how he juggled such an impressive ensemble whilst navigating the twists, turns, and more twists of Knives Out’s plot.

Chris Evans and Ana de Armas wearing sweaters, Rian Johnson not wearing a sweater, on the set of ‘Knives Out’.

You’ve often talked about your lifelong love of the whodunit genre. How did you go about making your own? Rian Johnson: It’s very interesting, the whodunit genre. It’s one of my favorite genres. I love all the things about it. I also kind of agree with Hitchcock. Hitchcock hated the whodunit genre. To Hitchcock, the danger of the whodunit is: it’s a lot of build-up for one big surprise at the end, and that’s not very satisfying or fun. That’s why he was all about suspense. He would give the audience information early and then you’re in suspense and not just crime-solving. He would also mislead the audience, so you’d think you’re getting all the information early. And enough so that you’re leaning forward, you’re not sitting back. That’s Hitchcock’s whole deal.

So for me, what was interesting is: can I put the engine of a Hitchcock thriller in the middle of a whodunit? Have a whodunit that then turns into a Hitchcock thriller that turns back into a whodunit? That was kind of the starting point for me, from a genre-wonk point of view.

So then I started filling out, okay what would that actually mean? I’m talking around it because I don’t wanna spoil anything, but, okay if we did this and then that could be interesting. And then I started zooming in bit by bit and filling out what characters I would need for what plot points. All the details come later but it’s as ‘big picture’ as that.

Jamie Lee Curtis, Christopher Plummer, Don Johnson and Michael Shannon in ‘Knives Out’.

Were there ever any alternative outcomes in play? Not really, because I didn’t really work, like, “if this happens, then that happens, then that happens”. I worked it like a satellite map. I zoomed back. I work in little notebooks and I have to draw one line and see the entire plot along that line. So it’s not like a game of Clue where I can pick out different solutions at the end; it’s kind of set because the shape of the whole thing determines a different kind of ending from the very inception of it.

Watching this, I thought about your film The Brothers Bloom, as that’s another ode to a somewhat specific genre—the con-artist film—in which your affection for that kind of film was also evident. How challenging is it to write and shoot films in genres you grew up loving? Any time I’m attacking a genre it’s because I deeply, deeply love it. The heart of it for me is always trying to distill the thing I love about it and set that as the goal-post and then find my own way to it. Whether it’s the con-man movie with The Brothers Bloom, or Star Wars as a genre, or this, it’s always about trying to get to the heart of what I love about something and then trying to put that on the screen so the audience will have as pure an experience of it as possible. And sometimes to give the audience the purest experience, you have to shake it a little bit, because… we’ve seen so many versions of it over the years that the audience can kind of ignore it. So sometimes you have to put it in a different context, like with Brick, with film noir or something. But the intent is always to give the audience the most sharp and vivid experience of what’s at the heart of it for me.

This film is a blockbuster of chemistry. Was it difficult to cast? Once we got Daniel on board, no. Once he was the centerpiece, I think everyone wants to work with him so it was like a snowball. Because then we got Michael Shannon, and everyone wants to work with him. And Lakeith Stanfield. So, no, the cast came together very, very quickly, just like everything else in this project. With these actors, my job is easy. They show up on set, they clicked in so easily. They’re such pros. They say casting is 90 percent of directing and it was really true in this case.

Lakeith Stanfield, Noah Segan and Daniel Craig in ‘Knives Out’.

Speaking of Daniel Craig, his character is a microcosm of the film in that he is not in any way like any detective that has come before, yet you cannot help but think of precedents. Were you consciously trying to make him unlike Hercule Poirot? When I started writing, I actually kinda got myself in trouble because I was thinking too much about Poirot. I love Poirot so much and I think I was thinking too much like: how do I make my Poirot? And so I started doing all this sort of quirky stuff, and throwing all these quirks in there, like maybe he has an eye patch and a peg leg maybe. It was just silly. And so finally I said “this is so stupid”, and I pulled all that stuff and I just said: “I’m gonna write this character very straightforward. The way that he needs to be for the script. And I’m gonna give him a Southern accent, because then he’s a fish out of water in New England. And then whoever I cast, I’m gonna believe that they’re gonna inhabit that character in such a way that he’ll be unique.”

I think what Daniel found—that is exactly what is at the heart of Poirot—is Daniel found kind of what’s funny about the character. Beyond the accent. He found the self-inflated, clownish aspect of him, while still maintaining a humanity and an intelligence, which is really what Poirot is. It’s why Peter Ustinov is my favorite Poirot—he gets what’s funny about the character. And like Columbo or like Miss Marple or any of the great fictional detectives, it’s that element that makes you not quite take him seriously until it’s too late and they’ve solved the whole case. I think that’s what Daniel keyed into more than anything else.

This feels like a film that people are going to pore over the details of, as they did with Looper. I love it because that’s part of what I love about those kinds of movies. First of all, let’s separate them, because with time-travel movies, the notion that a time-travel movie can make sense is absolute nonsense. So time travel is much more like the spells in Harry Potter than science, and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves. Except maybe Shane Carruth. Shane is the one person who can actually figure out time travel. Everyone else, it’s kind of like a fantasy element more than anything else.

Ana de Armas in ‘Knives Out’.

So with Looper, I felt like I had to have it make narrative sense, but I didn’t feel the pressure of it having to work in every little detail, because it can’t. Whereas, it’s a little different with a whodunit because every screw has to be tightened and I can’t leave any loose ends. I do want people to be able to re-watch and dig in. But I’ll be a little more sad if they find things that don’t make sense. I’m sure they will, but it’ll actually make me a little sad if they do, because I’ll be like: “I messed up there”.

How do you feel about your films being subjected to that kind of scrutiny? I think it’s fun! That’s the thing: for a certain kind of moviegoer, that’s the pleasure you get—it’s almost like the kid who if you hand them a radio, you’re gonna wanna take it apart. If that’s what someone loves about watching a movie then I think that’s fantastic. I’ve done that with certain films. I’ve watched them over and over and tried to analyze, so I get [that] that’s part of the pleasure of it.

How are you feeling about your Star Wars experience? As a filmmaker, as a Star Wars lover, it was the best experience of my life. Everything about it. Writing it. Making it. The people I got to meet. The places I got to go. The experience I had putting it out. The last two years interacting with the fans has been so rewarding and so fantastic.

I feel like I always have to say that the bad part of that gets written about a lot because it’s interesting to write about. From being in the middle of the hurricane, I can tell you that 95 percent of my interactions with fans are absolutely lovely. That’s not to say they all even like the movie—some of them don’t, or some of them have issues with the film—but they’re all engaged and respectful and so deeply engaged in it in a way that when you make movies you only dream that people will engage with something that you made on that level. So no, for me, the whole thing top-to-bottom has been the most beautiful experience I can possibly imagine.

Rian Johnson directs Joonas Suotamo on the set of ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’.

Something that I know in my bones from being a Star Wars fan since I was five years old: everybody has a slightly different version of what Star Wars is to them, absolutely. That’s why I’m excited that stuff like [new Disney+ series] The Mandalorian can exist. The more Star Wars stuff we make, the more there’s gonna be a spectrum that gives different people the things that they want. But we also have to recognize that nothing is gonna give everybody what they want, and somebody is always gonna be upset.

What George Lucas did originally was make a movie that was straight from his heart, and expressed exactly what this world was to him. And expressed emotional truths in this world in a way that was resonant for him personally. I feel that every filmmaker who comes to Star Wars, that’s their job. Their job is not to take a survey and to see what is going to have the broadest demographic appeal. Their job is to speak from their heart and make a thing that resonates with what Star Wars is for them. And I think the more diverse filmmakers we have doing that, the more diverse Star Wars movies we’ll have, the more people will hopefully be happy and the less yelling there’ll be all around.

‘Knives Out’ is now in theaters. Comments have been edited for clarity and length. With thanks to Studiocanal.

[breadknight-likes-things]

Gears V Final Thoughts

I’m a huge fan of Gears of War, both as a series of games and as a franchise full of characters and lore, and Gears V is one long love letter to both these aspects.  Picking up a month or so after the end of Gears of War 4, Gears V follows the story of Kait much more closely, but it doesn’t abandon 4′s other new characters by any means.  All in all it makes for an almost perfect package of a campaign for me, only held back by one very odd design decisions that lead to prominent pacing issues at a couple points.

The Good:

More Like “Gimmie Myrrah This Story”!: Gears of War 4 had a simple but effective story, it was more concerned with showing the world of Sera bounce back even as it slides into another conflict than anything else.  Gears V is much more in depth, analyzing it’s existing characters to great effectiveness, introducing more fresh faces that get far more fleshed out than you’d assume and, this is the big one for me, clearing up a plot hole from Gears of War 2 that’s been bothering me since 2008. To say too much about the story would give too many spoilers, but suffice to say it’s easily the best one Gears of War has ever had. Stop And Pop Still Won’t Drop:  Gears of War’s gameplay has always been excellent, even the first game with it’s terrible writing and limited selection of weapons still plays pretty damn well today, but it’s refined to a science in Gears V.  There’s just the right amount of weight and speed mixed in with the movement controls, the changes to the shooting to add more recoil to the guns is a little odd at first but makes you wonder how it ever worked without it once you get used to it, and enemies are even more aggressive and intelligent in finding ways to flush you out of cover or keep the pressure on in the games immaculately designed firefights. There’s only a handful of new weapons, like the Lancer GL (Grenade Launcher, and believe me, it rules) and the Swarm’s “Claw” machine gun (that looks like it’s held together with nails and tape and fires as erratically as you’d expect), but all of them serve to introduce some great variety into your combat options.  Most of all though Gears’ shooting gameplay still just feels good, even if every other part of this game had bombed, and failed miserably to achieve what it was going for, if the shooting was still the same I’d probably still be singing this games praises to the end of time.

Jacks Back, Jack: Jack is an odd part of Gears of War because he really never did all that much, being the little invisible robot friend who followed the squad around waiting for someone to say, and I quote, “Jack, rip that door!” before he decided to do anything.  Well in Gears V not only is Jack back, he’s a fully featured mechanic to be used in single player and a full playable character on his own in co-op!  Jack can retrieve weapons and ammo from the battlefield, lay traps, pulse the world to reveal enemies and even mind control select bad guys to fight on his own.  It might sound like he’s a little too much of a Jack of all trades (NOW I GET IT), but using him in the heat of battle never stops being fun and useful.  Also, he occasionally still rips some doors, so don’t worry, you purists out there.

The variety of locations is top notch, including a few nostalgia laden surprises you definitely won’t expect.

The Bad:

Lets Ruin The Paci-Er Uh, Get Back To The Skiff!: (To Preface this point let me just say, I’m glad The Coalition tried....but....) So Gears V made the bold decision to have the bulk of the game set in two large open world areas, one you navigate via a skiff vehicle with a handful of side missions doting both the open worlds you can stop to inspect in-between the main story missions which all both function as and feel like traditional Gears of War levels from series past.  This open world style simply doesn’t work.  The side missions are so few and far between that they truly don’t add anything meaningful to the game except for a handful of generic firefights.  The open worlds are gorgeous to look at and the Skiff is fun to drive, but both end up being utterly pointless 5 or so minute roadblocks to continuing the story of the game.  Again, I’m glad The Coalition tried something new, but this is about the defition of a swing and a miss.  They didn’t lean into the open world enough to re-define what Gears is, but they did lean in just the right amount to cause friction between what they thought they were making with these sections and what the rest of the game actually is. The open world sections were a great idea, and expanded upon I think could work with some refinement, but as they are here only serve to ruin the story pacing with odd roadblocks and travel times that feel like just enough of a chore to be annoying.

[ruminativerabbi]

As the Holidays Approach

Elul, the month that leads directly into the High Holiday season, should be ideally devoted to the thoughtful, principled introspection that can serve as the foundation upon which the spiritual work of the whole holiday season should then come to rest. And that only makes sense: to come before Judge God and successfully to negotiate the experience requires, at the very least, knowing yourself well enough to speak honestly and authoritatively on your own behalf and in your own defense. And that level of self-awareness comes to most of us, possibly even to all of us, solely as the result of the kind of wholly honest self-scrutiny that yields the unvarnished truth about ourselves and our lives.

The problem is that most of us find any sort of serious self-analysis off-putting, unnerving, and, to say the very least, deeply anxiety-provoking. And yet, that is precisely what otherwise halcyon Elul offers: week after week of days unburdened by any other holidays or special observances that may therefore be given over to thinking carefully about ourselves and our lives and our deeds…and, painful though the process may be, also in identifying our own moral shortcomings, errors of judgment, ethical missteps, and unnecessarily missed opportunities to do good in the world. It is a pleasant experience for almost none, but it can be a productive one.

To assist in making the whole Elul experience as positive as possible, it has been my custom in recent years to recommend to my readers a single book that might prove helpful in framing otherwise amorphous thoughts and regrets in a productive way, in confronting the larger paintings of which the details of our personal lives are the brushstrokes, in setting our personal stories into the larger saga of humankind and its foibles and flaws, and, generally speaking, in coming to terms with the lives we have constructed and owning up to the various ways in which those lives have been characterized more often than not by decisions that, for all they seemed reasonable at the time, feel flawed and inconsistent with the values we claim to hold dear when viewed in the rearview mirror.

Last year, I recommended a remarkable novel that I had just read, Marcos Aguinis’s book Against the Inquisition, which I found both moving, intelligent, and stimulating. (To revisit my thoughts from last Elul, click here.) This year, however, I would like to recommend a book that I first read decades ago, and which wasn’t that new a work even then: Clark Moustakas’s book, Loneliness.

Moustakas’s renown has faded in the years following his death in 2012 at age eighty-nine, but in his day he was one of America’s foremost psychologist/authors and was widely acclaimed specifically as an expert in humanistic and clinical psychology. He published prodigiously throughout his career, but the book I wish to recommend was one of his earlier works that first appeared in 1961. (I read it when I was a student at JTS more than a decade after it first came out.) I would like to introduce it to you in this week’s letter and suggest why I feel it would make an excellent choice for Elul reading.

The book isn’t long at all, a mere 107 pages in the first print edition. Yet the author manages in those few pages to speak almost amazingly deeply and provocatively about the human condition…and in a way that is somehow both reassuring and challenging. I just finished re-reading the book and, even after all these years was struck again by its remarkable profundity. If there is one book you can find the time to read this Elul, Loneliness is the one I recommend you consider. (Nor is this a pricey investment: you can find used copies online for $2 a book.)

I was prompted to re-read the book by an article I noticed the other day on the website of YouGov, the U.K.-based data analysis firm, that determined—not anecdotally, but by using actual data collected this last summer and subsequently analyzed by themselves—that the millennials among us can reasonably be characterized as the loneliest generation ever. (Click here to read the article for yourself.) This came as a huge surprise to me—you would think that people raised in a world in which people are practically defined by social media that offer the possibility of maintaining not dozens or scores but hundreds or even thousands of “friendships” concurrently, you would think such people would constitute the world’s least lonely people ever. And yet, the report seemed unequivocal: 30% of millennials polled reported feeling “always or often” lonely (as opposed to half that many baby boomers such as myself) and more than one in five—22%—of millennials reported that they do not have any friends at all. A different slice of the millennial pie—27% of the total—reported having some friends but no “close” ones. Together, that’s one percentage point short of half of all Americans between the ages of twenty-two and thirty-seven reporting that they either had no friends at all…or at least no close ones. When asked why they find it difficult to make friends with others, a startling 53% responded that the fault was in their own stars—that they personally were too shy to go out there and find people to be friends with. All of this came as a huge surprise to me.

There’s more thought-provoking data on the YouGov site to consider as well, but what interested me most of all was the basic assumption of the essay’s author, Jamie Ballard, that loneliness was a bad thing that healthy people would naturally avoid (and thus a situation in which most would only find themselves accidentally or tragically). Nor was I amazed that she took that approach, which I think is probably what most people actually do think. The phenomenal success of the television series Friends, which ran for ten years starting a quarter-century ago, was probably rooted in that concept as well: the show was a little about romance and a little about life, but it was mostly about friendship—its name basically said as much—and its great success lay in the portrait it offered viewers of young urban types, the sustaining feature of whose lives was precisely the degree to which their friends watched out for them, cared for them, and, yes, loved them even when they were being otherwise disagreeable or snarly.

I think most of us subscribe to the notion that loneliness is a bad thing. And yet Moustakas’s book goes off in the precisely opposite direction, describing self-growth—and specifically the kind that leads to self-awareness and self-confidence—as an edifice almost of necessity built on a foundation of the kind of aloneness that moderns inevitably denigrate as unwanted, unworthy loneliness.

He writes anecdotally, telling us the stories of several of his patients and also telling his own story in a few intensely personal, sustained episodes. But he also writes about famous people and describes the source of their inventiveness, their creativity, their artistry, and their success in life as having been rooted in the deep sense of personal autonomy that begins with the acknowledgement that we are all alone in our lives and then goes on to create the impetus to seek the kind of companionship that, rather than denying or masking that sense of aloneness, celebrates and enhances it to the degree that we find in love the experience of being fully autonomous—and thus fully alone—in the company of a similarly autonomous individual. Among the people about whom he writes, some will be familiar to all—the sections on Abraham Lincoln, Emily Dickinson, and Admiral Richard Byrd are particularly moving—and others, like the French author Antoine de Saint-Exupéry or the German adventurer and explorer Hermann Buhl will be less well known. But, taken all together, the portraits he paints are all of individuals who found in loneliness the foundation upon which to build a social, meaningful, intensely productive life guided by principles forged by those individuals themselves in the crucible of their own autonomous selves.

Perhaps I should let the author speak for himself. In the introduction to these portraits I just mentioned, he sets forth his argument in these terms:

Every man is alone. Ultimately, each person exists in isolation. He faces himself in silence, wending his way in individual pathways, seeking companionship, reaching out to others. Forever, man moves forward stretching to the skies, searching the realization of his own capacities. In loneliness, man seeks the fulfillment of his inner nature. He maps new meanings, and perceives new patterns for old ways and habits.  Alone, the life of man passes before him. His philosophy, the meanings he attaches to his work and his relations, each significant aspect of his being comes into view as new values are formed, as man resolves to bring human significance, to bring life to each new day, to each piece of work, to each creation. In loneliness, every experience is alive and vivid and full of meaning. When one has been greatly isolated and restricted in movement, one deeply feels the value of openness, of freedom and expansiveness. Life takes on an exquisite meaning, an exhilarating richness. When one has lived in total darkness, one piercingly appreciates the sunlight, the fireside, the beacon, the beginning dawn. When one is cut off from human companionship, one discovers a deep reverence for friendship, for the one who stands by in the hour of need and shame. In the days of pain and defeat, loneliness takes on a human depth.  When one is sequestered from life, when one is purely alone and dying, when one is lost in a world of dreary emptiness, then color becomes exquisite, rich, desirable, fulfilling. When one has been sharply isolated and lonely, every moment is pure, every sound is delightful, every aspect of the universe takes on a value and meaning, an exquisite beauty. The isolated tree stretches out to meet its new neighbor; the lonely star twinkles and turns to face its emerging companions in the night; the lost child runs to loved ones with open arms.

 A mere excerpt or two won’t do justice to the book, which is remarkable both in terms of its brevity and its profundity. I recommend it wholeheartedly to all—both broadly as a very interesting, challenging way to consider the human condition and more narrowly as an Elul book that has in its handful of chapters the capacity to frame the whole experience of entering the Days of Awe almost upon us not as a burden or a test, but as an exercise in deep, sustaining self-awareness and self-knowledge.

[itsclydebitches]

Why do you think the majority of RWBY watchers can't see the issue with the last 2 seasons? tons of people think 6 and 7 are peak RWBY yet on here you've constantly talked about the many issues in them.

Different tastes + different ways of approaching a show. To provide an example on my end, I really enjoyed Steven Universe/Steven Universe: Future. I also watched both sporadically with my brain completely turned off. I knew - because you can never actually avoid analyzing something at least a little when you’ve been trained to do that - that there were various issues in the story, some of which briefly rang as RWBY-like alarm bells in the back of my head, but I deliberately didn’t poke at any of the things I noticed. I just let them pass me by and continued to enjoyed the show. If you’d asked me during this time what I thought of the show you would have gotten a very simplistic, “That show is great!” as a reaction and, if someone had pushed me to say what about the show I enjoyed, I wouldn’t have had the knowledge to support those things in the face of criticism. I couldn’t prove that what I remembered liking was also done well. I simply didn’t (and admittedly still don’t) remember enough of the lore to support those points and never approached it critically to begin with. My ‘evidence’ for “Steven Universe is a great show” boiled down to “It made me happy when I watched it.” Which isn’t an aspect we should ignore, but it also doesn’t (necessarily) speak to the writing quality. 

Now, a few weeks after the show’s finale, I’m interested in seeing what people took issue with in a show that I, for years, simply saw as a Very Good Show. Having consumed a lot of meta recently I can say... they’re right. I don’t agree with everything I’ve watched/read, but the vast majority of criticisms I’ve come across are persuasive. People who watched the show expecting a certain level of consistency and respect towards various issues are right to say that, in many respects, there’s “bad” writing going on. Doesn’t mean you can’t still like it - I do - only that there are issues that other writers should keep in mind and attempt to address in their own work. 

With RWBY, my position as been reversed. I approach the show very critically because at some point (two years ago?) I decided to take up writing recaps as a hobby which necessitated approaching the show with certain expectations and a careful cataloging of information. Not every viewer does that, but they nevertheless still love the show. Which results in people insisting that such-and-such happened a certain way without checking that with a re-watch. Or making very broad claims based on their feelings towards certain characters or events, not evidence. Or, bluntly put, digging in their heels and refusing to admit that something you enjoy can also be something that’s incredibly flawed. I’ve had a lot of practice in maintaining that kind of approach to storytelling - and it does take practice - so for me it’s not at all difficult to switch between, “I love Steven Universe!” (which I do) and “Fucking hell, Steven Universe, what were you thinking when you did that?” For others, criticism (particularly the kind of heavy criticism I engage with here) can feel like a personal attack: you’re not allowed to enjoy this thing because this thing is “bad.” When in fact the only request being made is, “Please consider that this story is very flawed and don’t make up/uphold unsubstantiated claims in order to ‘prove’ otherwise.” A lot of fans, perhaps even most fans, view Volumes Six and Seven as peak writing because they’re approaching it from a place of emotional investment (and let’s be real, the fandom is invested in the girls, so as long as they’re winning/being badass it’s very easy to maintain a satisfied approach to the story. If RWBY started dunking on the girls like it does the adults there would be a very different reaction and, indeed, we see that reaction on my blog a lot. Many fans don’t want to hear anything against their favorite characters, either from the creators or other fans) rather than taking a more objective approach of, “Does this make sense? Has this been retconned? Is this in character? Why did this happen off screen?” That pure, emotional investment is the way I originally approached Steven Universe: Future. Now it’s, “Ah, yeah. You have a good point about that being a problem. Even a huge problem. I can admit it’s an issue while still loving the show. Or if I decide I don’t like having a fave of mine criticized anymore I’ll just... stop reading the meta. Their opinion of the show shouldn’t feel like an attack against my own, especially when I have the very easy ability to not engage with that opinion.”

That’s what I attempt to do here. I write my recaps, I occasionally write side metas, and I answer the many, many asks people toss into my inbox. All of this occurs on my personal blog and I only engage with people who have chosen to engage with me first. All of this is done to teach - let’s deconstruct this show and talk about how something we like could be a whole lot better - as well as because I simply enjoy the act of analyzing shows. If fans are willing to approach a story they love with a critical eye, great. My blog is (partly) here for that. If not, not following me - or even blocking me - exist for just those reasons. No one needs to understand/accept that RWBY is flawed, especially when it’s so easy to watch it in a way that makes accepting that difficult.