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tannieschim · 3 years

Text

when the camellia blooms | pjm

park jimin x kim! reader | 1 | 2

sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again.

genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.

warnings: many talks of death and dying, minor character death, pain, unrequited love, swearing, talks of past sexual experience while intoxicated, pining, longing, really sad reader, and lots of angst.

word count: 7.2 k

"you would die for her, for him."

"You're dying."

The two words escape past his lips steadily and breathily as your widening eyes linger on the way his hands fiddle with one another out of habit. He sighs deeply and resists the urge to avoid screaming at you and maintain eye contact out of professionalism, pushing back his slipping glasses.

"At this rate, you won't have any more than a month. Had you told me this sooner, y/n, the results wouldn't have been as scarce. But because you waited after almost a year of this, I'm afraid there's not much to do." He pushes his desk lightly to pull away from it, creating a mere distance between himself and the papers which finalized your future's passing. Reaching his collar, he tugs on his tie to loosen it before unbuttoning the first stitch as he looks at you with seemingly stray and angered eyes mixed with sympathy.

Suddenly, his sight wanders the room as he shakes his head repeatedly, scoffing in disbelief. He then smiles, dimples prominent, lip tightened, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes broken, piercing straight at its target - that being you.

Standing up, he takes off his glasses and slams his fist onto the chair's arm rest before running a hand across his hair, softly hissing.

The professionalism is now out of the drain, "You're an idiot, y/n."

"Fucking stupid. How could you not- I mean- how could you not tell me? I'm your brother! We're family. Blood. We're supposed to- we're supposed to tell each other these things and you just fucking- you kept it to yourself all these months! Ten months! And now I'm sitting here being the one to tell you that you're dying? That you're leaving me? I would've done something. I would've helped you, I- I would've killed whoever this person you're in love with is. y/n, please- I just-"

You don't know why, but you felt exhausted.

The ringing in your ears is deafening. Truthfully, you hadn't heard a single thing the minute you received news that you'll be, well, passing away. Not to mention, within 30 days time.

It's not as if you didn't already know about your condition, of course you did. Coughing soft pink camellia flowers every time you see the man that's brought you here is not exactly something that just simply passes a blind eye. You sense it, you feel it, and it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

You also felt awful for your brother. You hadn't meant for it to go this far. You didn't mean to not tell him. You didn't want your assigned doctor to suddenly call in sick and have your brother temporarily take his place. You didn't mean for him to find out this way - such a twisted, horrible fucking way, but here you are.

"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just-"

"Were you ever even going to tell me?" He cuts you off, voice low and steady, almost afraid of your coming response.

Your eyes locate his across the cramped room, and one could clearly tell that it's striving its hardest to fight against desperate tears.

"I- yes, Joon. I was. Of course I was. I was gonna do it after this check in actually, but I guess God wanted you to find out sooner than I intended, though He could've just waited a little while longer and it would've been fine." You joke whisperingly, the heavy weight of your heart lightening just a small bit when you notice the corners of his lips twitch and his eyes faintly soften.

Regrettably, that was a lie. You didn’t plan on telling him, not today at least. Maybe not even ever.

The softening air lasts for only a second as his following question makes you hold back the urge to cough up another camellia flower slowly blooming its way to your throat.

"Who is it?"

Genuine, concerned, curious. These were all that he was.

But noticing the way your body went entirely rigid at his words and the way your hand clutched your clothed chest in attempt to shut down what you know will happen next, Namjoon's brotherly instincts causes him to naturally make his way towards you softly, taking small and careful strides towards your fragile state.

And once he's finally reached you, he gets on his knees gently in order for him to be of nearing same height level as you're sitting down, his hands rubbing the back of your hand in a comforting manner.

He does this all before pulling the trigger.

"Who are you in love with, y/n?"

two years back

"Jimin!"

You call out your brother's best friend loudly, who is currently in the midst of doing a one-man stage play in front of the mirror, "Joon's saying you guys need to get going now. Says he has a patient in two hours and wants to go over all sorts of documents before treating her."

Turning around, you scan the living room and dining room for the keys of your friend's car as your brother also asked you to hand them to him since the two always end up on forgetting it until they've already reached the car parked across your apartment's block.

You hear Jimin shuffle behind you, "Really? He wants to go over documents at- 9 AM in the morning?"

Smiling at his attempts of complaint, you nod your head softly in order to play along and answer his rhetorical question, "He really needs to learn how to drive doesn't he? Since he's dragging you along everywhere he goes."

Jimin laughs at your statement, which being an opinion, your brother would argue, 'driving isn't a necessary aspect of life.' But who really thinks like that? Oh right, non-drivers.

“I guess he’s getting too caught up in learning medicine that he forgot to learn how to officially become an adult.” Reaching above the kitchen top, you finally found sight of Jimin's car keys.

How did it even get up there? You think to yourself. It's really high up, so Namjoon must've been the one to leave it as to where it is.

You groan slightly, "Joon, can you get over here! I found Chim's keys but it's too far up high so I can't reach it. Hell I don't even think he can reach this-"

You are cut off when you feel a hand sneak around your waist, making you flinch and suddenly spin cautiously.

Eyes widened. Lips parted. Breath hitched. You let out an inaudible gasp as you come to the realization that Jimin is now in front of you, head tilted with an amused smile on his face, "Excuse you? I can very much reach this." He says, all the while reaching up behind you, inchly leaning forward. At this point, your body is being pressed up against the kitchen counter and his oh-so-very toned front.

This small action is enough to instigate a flaming abyss inside of you as you very much attempt to calm your alarmed heart.

You can feel the cuts and lines of his abs against your chest as he is now standing on his tippy toes, desperately trying to reach the keys on the kitchen top. Anyone that could see his posture would call him adorable, but your body is currently being sandwiched and by all that is high and mighty your mind can't even really process a single thing. Wait, what were you thinking just now?

"See? Got it." Jimin falls back in place as he jiggles his car keys in front of your stone-cold face, smile wide as he giggles softly, "Piece of cake, y/n."

He then proceeds to move on with his life like he didn't just do what the fuck he just did.

Clearing your throat, you blink about a million times in order to gather your thoughts. Your heartbeat is racing faster than the speed of light and your lips have become as dry as a desert. If you had gone standing on your tippy toes just as he did, you would've been a baby hair away from lips touching. The thought is enough to make you grow weak.

Yet as if something inside of you is suddenly turned on, no pun intended, you remind yourself that these thoughts are wrong. You can't be having these apprehensions, they aren't right. Because not only is he your brother's best friend, he also has a-

"y/n?" Jimin's soft voice calls out your name.

Breaking out of your trance, you turn to see him sitting down on the dining table, head tilted downwards with a small smile on his face. The sun escapes your pastel curtains as it slips past the window sill, reasoning with the current ray of golden yellow that has found its home on Jimin’s plump cheek, shining on the left side of his luminous face.

It's absolutely senseless how he can look as beautiful as he does simply by existing, and it makes perfect sense that your finding yourself to liking him more and more.

Just look at him.

You are broken out of your enchanted daze once more as dreaded words leave his smiling lips, "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Only then were you brought back to your inadequate reality.

“W- what?” You attempt to speak, but you notice the way your voice has suddenly become noticeably hoarse.

Jimin looks up at you with a smile, the kind that has his eyes almost disappearing.

“Sung. I’m gonna ask her to marry me tonight.”

silence.

and more silence.

Like a coward, that was all what you could muster to respond with.

And only then did you notice the velvet box on his hands, upon which he is tenderly caressing. Only then did you recognize the questionable romantic script of his one-man stage just moments earlier. Only then did you realize that the reason behind his growing smile are because of her, not you. Not because of what had just taken place.

Only then did you remember that no, you can't be having these apprehensions - they aren't right.

Because not only is he your brother's best friend,

he also has a, now upcoming, fiancé.

present time

"I already loved him then, Joon."

By this time, your brother has stood up and begun pacing back and forth the modest office, murmurs of curses towards his friend escaping past his lips, "-that small son of a bitch."

Smiling softly, you look down in reminiscence of the moments you have spent falling for Jimin. "I guess I've always been infatuated with him ever since our first meeting, but my God Joonie," you pause, inhaling a short breath in attempt to stop tears threatening to spill. "-ever since that day, when he told me that he was going to propose to her, I finally realized that like was the wrong term to use. I realized that I loved him and I just- I lost sight of everything." You cry, small sobs coming from you as you blinkingly look up to try to contain the waters forming in your eyes.

It was true. That day, when he told you about his plans to ask her to marry him, you've never felt more indignant.

Of course you faked it at first, congratulated him and consoled him into truthfully believing that she will undoubtedly say yes. But the minute he and Namjoon left your apartment, you collapsed on your carpeted floors, sobbing loudly and hitting your chest repetitively all the while cursing yourself in your head for ever even considering the tiniest of possibilities that you and Jimin could ever happen.

You also went out that night, got drunk, found a guy, slept with him, and never looked back.

Sure, this may seem like a regular night out for many, but not being the type to kiss and sleep, sex meant a lot to you.

Nothing wrong with one night stands, that just wasn't your particular chosen lifestyle. But you were wasted. You were intoxicated. You didn't know what you were doing. Had you been sober, you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with the person you did it with. So when you woke up in the middle of the night naked in bed next to a familiar face and realized what you've done, you rushingly stood up, got dressed, and left, ignoring the calls of the man you had just been with.

You went straight home and washed yourself for hours, feeling dirty and sloppy and disgusting. You can easily recollect sitting down in the showers, head tucked underneath and in between your legs, sobbing and crying loudly as the steam surrounding you from the warm water kept on worsening.

You hated what you did, and you most definitely despised the reason for what you did, - to simply get over someone else. You felt guilty. You felt ashamed. What would Jimin think? You thought to yourself. And though that truly didn't really matter, the ache in your heart kept on making you believe otherwise.

You didn't notice how your tears have fallen and stained your newly-bought jeans until Namjoon's hands holding a napkin comes within your perception.

Mumbling a small 'sorry Joonie,' you accept his offer and wipe the tears still continuously streaming down your now reddened, warm, and puffy face. As you do this, you furthermore catch sight of your brother's shadow rubbing his face in frustration, matching the groans that you also hear release from him in the background. And without meaning so, you deflate in insecurity.

Hearing the sound of air being released from a pulling force, you look up to see that Namjoon has sat back down, his elbows resting on the desk while his chin rest on his hands. "Does he know about this, y/n?"

You sigh, "No."

"Are you going to tell him?" You hear him ask once more.

Closing your eyes and sniffing lightly, you inhale a steady breath as you answer him for the second time, "I don't know, Joon."

Namjoon looks at you, eyes full of worry and concern. You don't know?

You're his sister, and he loves you. He would do anything for you. If he could shower you with all the love that you lack from Jimin, he would. And he would do it in a heartbeat. But you're dying. You're leaving him. And he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to do. So how could you not know? How could you sit here, in front of him, after keeping this shit for ten months to yourself, tell him that you just don't know?

He feels frustrated. Frustrated over the clearing fact that if you don't know the answer to that simple yes or no question, then how more could you know the answer to when he asks you to make the choice?

The choice - to love or to die.

A very careful, unprecedented surgery that has been performed by professionals only a few times, yet each one has been successful. This seems easy, yeah. A surgery to save your life? Of course you'll do it! But there's a reason as to why this has been done only by a certain small count.

To perform the surgery and live, the price is not the expense, but rather the loneliness that shall come as you spend the rest of your life void of emotions. The surgery doesn't get rid of love on its own, it gets rid of everything that comes with it - happiness, sadness, trust, pain, pretty much everything that one can possibly feel. The only emotion left is indifference, yet even indifference lacks its self-sustainability.

Who would want to live like that?

Who would want to live a life where you just simply exist and nothing more?

He knows that the day will come eventually - when he offers you the choice, the chance to save your life, and he knows it will come soon. But right now, he has chosen to prioritize being a brother over a doctor. Right now, the only thing in his mind is comforting you.

"Okay." Your brother nods, making your eyes widen slightly in shock.

Okay? No scolding? No 'how could you not know?!' older brother reprimands? But then you remember, oh yeah. You're dying. And who could possibly scold their dying little sister?

"I'm sorry Joonie-" You try to apologize once more before he cuts you off again.

"No, don't apologize, y/n. It's not like you could've possibly wanted for any of this to happen, yeah?" He offers you a smile, but you could easily see past its fabricated purpose, "But instead let me ask you this. And I need you, in our deceased parent's name, to be completely honest with me."

You only nod, completely submissive and understanding of his seriousness the moment that he mentioned your passed parents.

"What you just told me, when you first fell in love with him, that was two years ago." He starts, making you nod again in agreement.

"But you were diagnosed only ten months ago."

Your heart drops, and you don't nod again.

"The Hanahaki Disease is not something that gradually begins and comes to existence over the course of time. It is an illness that is triggered. It could be by a sudden forthcoming realization or proclamation of love, or by an event that triggers the heart to completely shut down in overwhelmth. Either way, basing on the timing of what you've said, you should've been diagnosed with the Hanahaki two years ago. But you weren't."

Namjoon eyes you questioningly, but not too much to the extent that you feel uncomfortable, only just enough to remind you of the importance of this conversation, "You were only diagnosed ten months ago, y/n. Why?"

You sit still, not wanting to move, as if your stone figure would somehow make him think that you're not real or that you're a simple figment of his messed up imagination.

"y/n, what happened ten months ago?"

He finishes his question and you swallow harshly only to realize that you're parched, your throat completely dry. You then tilt your head to steal a gaze at your brother, making you catch the way his eyes suddenly widened as if he just realized something of high importance. As if he had just realized the answer to his own question. And that didn't work with you.

Clearing your throat, you are about to answer him in order to cut off his thoughts until the door swings open and you feel your throat compact, - the coughs of a camellia flower slipping its way to visibility -because there he is,

the man of the hour.

"y/n." He noticeably breathes a sigh of relief before making his way to you, engulfing you in a giant embrace. "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you had the Hanahaki? How could you not let me know? How long have you had it? Who is it? I swear I'm going to murder whoever this piece of shit is that he dared ever making yo-"

"Jimin this is a professional space between a doctor and his patient." The two of you pull away almost exactly the same time as soon as Namjoon speaks up, Jimin's eyebrows furrowing, "Get out."

"What?" Jimin barely gather the voice to ask him as he is completely caught off guard of his friend's erupting vulgar attitude.

"I said-" Namjoon speaks before getting caught off again.

"No trust me, I heard what you said. But what?" Jimin repeats himself, "So you're telling me you're not prioritizing being y/n's brother right now? You're still caught up in this Doctor Kim bullshit? Like you're a real one?"

"Jimin-" You attempt to budge in, sensing that a certain trouble may suddenly come knocking.

"No, y/n. Listen hyung-"

"No, YOU listen. You small piece of shit." Your brother raises his voice, "-don't come barging in here like you own the place or like you have any authority over her. She is MY sister and this is a family matter. So it's best you stay out of it and keep in your lane."

At this point, Namjoon is in front of Jimin, a short distance separating the two of them, "And don't you ever dare speak to me in that tone again. I know you're my friend, but remember to treat me with respect. Not only am I your superior, but I'm also your hyung." He finishes with a serious voice, tone low, and message deep. His earnest eyes piercing through his friend's pained ones.

Jimin, mouth slightly agape being at loss for words and clearly confused at his close friend's unreasonable anger, storms out of the room.

But not before he drags you along with him.

Namjoon is quick to act as he tries to reach for you, but you turn back and look at him pleadingly, signaling him that it's okay and to not worry. And him being the understanding brother that he is, pulls back and holds himself steady.

You can handle him. You’re a Kim. You’re strong.

Strong enough to survive through this.

You’ll be okay.

And as he watches the two of you leave, the door closing shut right in front of him, only then does reality hit Namjoon as his legs tremble abruptly, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden.

Falling down the floor, he reaches onto the desk for assistance as he slides his back down the wooden wall, hands painfully fisted and finding its way to cover his mouth in order to muffle the choked-in sobs perilously escaping him. He proceeds to blink away the tears and bite harshly on his lips, trying to diminish the flourishing grievance in his heart.

His sister is dying, and he doesn't know what to do.

“Doctor Kim? The next patient is ready to see you.” A knocking nurse distracts him and calls out from behind the door, “-shall I send them in?”

Namjoon sniffs heavily and sighs deeply, rushingly grabbing his glasses and adjusting his emotionally wrecked state, “One moment!”

He lets out a soft, shaky breath and reminds himself once more that you’re a Kim.

You’re strong.

You can beat this.

It'll be alright.

You'll be okay.

"IM NOT OKAY JIMIN-SHI!" You voicely whine out to your friend who is currently dragging you along the halls of the hospital and out the technologically advanced glass doors, "What is wrong with you?!" You pull your arm aggressively from his grasp as you bend down, hands resting on your knees while you hastily try to catch your breath. The camellia flower stuck just along the chords of your throat making it very difficult.

Jimin stares at you worryingly, having forgotten of your illness, "O- oh no. y/n, I'm sorry I forgot I- are you okay? Should we go back?" He stutters in concern before you hold up one finger, signaling him to shut the hell up. "-sorry."

Looking at you like this, tired and exhausted from having to put up with all his bullshit, Jimin feels a sudden urge to reach out and embrace you tightly, almost forgetting of his previous encounter with your brother.

And so that's exactly what he does.

You are caught off guard the moment you feel a hand grab your shoulder by means of pulling you closer all the while another rests just at your crook of spine, and although this first makes you stumble in a not-so-very prettily way, your destination is found to be in your friend's embrace, his fragile yet protective arms wrapped around you securely.

Not letting this moment simply pass by, you let yourself melt in his arms as you find the comfort meant to be found in his comforting hug, wrapping your arms around his neck as you slightly stand on your tippy toes. Somehow, your simple action makes him pull you even closer, one hand creeping behind your neck all the while his other is completely wrapped around your waist although this time is tighter than before.

As the two of you stay like this in the middle of the sliding glass doors of the hospital, crowds of unfamiliar voices passing by you and ambulances ringing endlessly against your ear, you let yourself submerge within the passion of your heart.

Amidst the chaos and cries of your nearingly counted days, you find consolation in the arms of the same man that has put you in front of death's door, and quite frankly, you wouldn't really want it any other way. You'll take what is given by the heavens above when it comes to Jimin, because well- you love him.

Unfortunately, that quick and simple thought is enough to make you lose control of your reminded disease.

"y-y/n what's- are you okay?" Jimin pulls away from you abruptly as you break into coughing fits, pastel pink camellia blossoms escaping your trembling lips.

The sight has caught the attention of many civilians, but both you and Jimin remain to be indifferent about them as you or more or less are occupied with your illness all the while Jimin specifically aims his attention on you alone.

"Alright that's it, screw your brother alright?" Jimin exclaims a bit louder than what you're comfortable with as this obviously did not benefit with the proceedingly growing public focus on the two of you, "-we're going back, y/n, it's my fault for bringing you outside so suddenly-"

"No chim, please-" You roughly attempt to speak out, your throat painfully extracting the feeling of abrasiveness, "Please just- let's just go."

"y/n.."

“Please chim,” you cut him off for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, coughing, “-please. I don’t want to be here any longer.”

Hesistant yet concerned, Jimin nods slowly as he assists your side, his hands finding its home around your waist and lower back while you both take short and careful strides. You destination is still unknown, but you didn’t mind. A journey a day with someone you love has never turned out for the worse.

At least that's what you think.

"Really?" You roll your eyes as you notice the familiar lane that Jimin's car just entered, "I asked you to get me out of the hospital area, I didn't ask for a sleepover, Jimin." You jokingly accuse him, but you can't help the smile that makes its way on your puffed-up face as you notice him smoothly take a side-glance at you with a knowing smirk.

"Well I thought that with all that bad hospital air, you might've wanted to breathe in a familiar scent," Jimin responds as the car comes to a stop.

You turn slightly to open the door and step out before you here a meek, "Jankkanman!" and perceive a 5'9 in height blondie come running around the bonnet in order to open the car door for you as a gentleman would. It is such a sweet and casual pantomime, yet an ill-patient diagnosed with an illness of the heart can never bring you any wins. Consequently, his actions only causes your throat to feel strained and compacted for the endless time.

God, how much did you love this man that such a simple gesture makes you want to cough out countless of fully bloomed flowers?

You thank the heavens above for your past endless experiences that allowed you to now be better in terms of hiding your pain as you attempt to smile genuinely, mumbling a small "thank you" in the process before making your way inside his home.

"So," Jimin starts as the two of you plop down his couch, his eyes seeking for yours as he tilts his head ever so lightly, "what should we do today... now that you're out of that hell hole?"

"Chim!" You scold him lightly, "my brother and your best friend just happens to be working in that hell hole, just in case you forgot, and- hey! You work there too, you ass." You accusingly point at him all the while hitting his arm playfully.

Jimin is was a nurse in that hospital. Your brother is a doctor.

He laughs and smiles widely, "Nope. I don't work there anymore, remember? But I did for a while, which is why I can most definitely testify that that place is indeed, a hell hole. And by the way, I'm kind of offended that you pretty much forgot my lost profession just then, y/n, like what the fuck?" He jokes endingly.

Your eyes soften slightly as he mentions his lack of job, yet you still stubbornly choose to ignore his last remark. "Well I sure hope that's not the case since I'll be most likely spending my last days there."

Oops.

The silence that ensues goes inevitably noticed by the two of you the moment those words escaped past your lips, but you paid no mind. That was the reason that you asked him to take you away anyways. You weren't hoping for some cliche romantic bullshit where the two of you simply elope and forget your real worries in your life, no. Instead you were here with the main purpose of facing it.

Besides, even if you did want to leave with him, you couldn't. Remember?

Jimin is the first to break the excessive blockade, "Don't say that y/n."

You sigh, "But it's true, chim."

"I don't give a shit if it's true or not."

"Chim.." You are slightly startled with his sudden outburst, caught off guard in the way his voice slightly raised as his attention and body language are now completely directed at you, "Wha- why are you getting mad?"

Jimin scoffs, almost irritated at your oblivious question, "Why? Because you're talking of dying like it's not a big deal, y/n!" His voice getting louder and louder by every word he spits out, "God, you know you can be so fucking insensitive sometimes. What, did you already forget the shit I suffered when I lost someone? Did you already forget all the fucking shit I suffered when death took her from me?"

At the mention of her, you pause. Speechless. Guilty. Hurt.

Of course you remember. How could you not? You remember the darkest of days as like it was just yesterday.

You remember getting that call in the middle of the night from the contact name of your brother as you slightly answered it in an irritated voice, "Joon I swear to God if you're asking me to drive you to work in the middle of the fucking night I will personally drag your ass right now to get a driver's liscenc-"

"y/n?"

You remember immediately stopping as you recognize the voice that most certainly did not belong to your brother, "Chim?"

"y- y/n."

You remember the outbreak of his sobs as you call out to him, his sniffles and cries becoming more and more prominent as you stumble on your feet, struggling with keeping your phone against and in between your ear and your shoulder as you hurryingly take off to grab a jacket and your keys, "Chim what's wrong, where the hell are you? W- where's Joon?"

You remember the way your heart dropped as your worst fear came to mind, the thought of losing your brother itself being enough to make you wobble in your feet, your heart clenching. He had your brother's phone, and he was crying.

"N-no, he- he's fine, y/n. It's not him, hyung's... hyung's fine."

You remember the way he struggled to find the right words; the way he sniffled and stuttered through forming such a simple sentence all the while you on the other side of the line breathe out a sigh of relief at the information of your brother's wellness, yet feeling slightly guilty that your emotions are in contrast with your friend's.

"It's Sung."

You remember Jimin's worst.

"It's Sung, y/n. Sh- she got in an accident on the way here to visit me during my off hours and- fuck! Some fucking demon pulled a hit and run on her. She was walking, y/n. She walked an hour here and got ran over by someone and.. they're doing an operation on her- hyung's assisting and he just- it's bad. It was really bad and she was bleeding all fucking over and- hyung, he- he left his phone and I didn't know what to do so I just called you- I didn't, they pushed me out of the room, y/n. I need you here. Please, please. Please come here because I'm losing my fucking mind and I need you here."

You remember driving to the hospital as careful as you can with the fear of the possibility of an accident occurring still in the midst of the back of your mind.

You remember reaching the doors of the emergency room and being greeted with a pair of reddened and exhausted eyes that looked up the moment you walked in, "Jin."

He stands up to greet you politely but you stop him, obviously seeing that his reaction upon seeing you is no more than a forced delight, "Let's not do this under these circumstances, okay? You're allowed to feel unwelcoming. It's okay, Jin."

He does no more than mumble a small 'thank you' before going back to his previous spot with you trudging along beside him.

You remember feeling the sorrow of the man beside you as you watch him lean his head back against the wall, fragile streaks of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. You couldn't imagine his pain, the pain of such a situation where your sister's life is at stake. You wanted to comfort him, to softly rub his back and whisper sweet encouragements against his ear, little white lies that his sister is guaranteed to make it without a doubt. But you couldn't. You weren't here for him, regardless of your history. Regardless of the way you left him the morning after your supposed mistake.

"Uhm, have you seen Jimin?"

You remember the way his void eyes find yours and the way his lips lightly upturn as he gives you a forced smirk, trying to keep up with his image of being Kim Seokjin, Kim Sungkyung's handsome and cocky older brother, "And here I was thinking fate brought you here to me, y/n." He trails off, "-considering how you fucked me then dipped."

You gasp slightly and playfully hit his arm at the blunt mention of your regretted one night stand as you give him a small yet genuine smile, partly glad yet at the same time worried that he can make such remarks during a situation like this.

It was strange really, how everything in your life seemed to be connected. How on the day you felt your heart tore apart the time Jimin first mentioned his planned proposal, you went out and accidentally slept with the soon-to-be-bride's older brother.

Letting out a small sigh, Jin nods his head in the direction of a different waiting room, "He left when I came. Guess he was embarrassed of how fucked up he was but hey- I'm not doing any fucking better am I?" He tells you, subtly pointing at the very visible streaks of tears still falling down his now puffy face.

You get on your feet and turn to leave but not before giving one last glance at the man next to you, a hand softly reaching to rub his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jin. I wish I could stay, but-"

"It's okay, y/n. Go." Jin encourages you with a small yet noticeably forced smile, "He needs you."

And so you do, bidding him a soft goodbye before taking off, your eyes beginning to water out of the guilt of leaving a friend in that state.

You then remember being suffocated. Suffocated from the embrace that greeted you the moment Jimin entered your peripheral vision. You remember landing on your behind with a harsh thud from the struggle of Jimin's weight as he continues to seek your embrace for means of comfort, the two of you falling down the floor. You remember getting drenched from Jimin's tears as you cradle him as would a wailing child, rocking him back and forth all the while softly rubbing his back, whispering every bit of amenity that could make him feel better.

You remember feeling your heart physically ache as you fail to notice the tears that have fallen down your own eyes, blurring your sight.

To see Jimin in this state, so broken and hurt and scared, it tore you apart. You wanted him happy. You wanted him smiling. You wanted him. You loved him. And God forbid that you're admitting this in your own mind while his fiance is battling for her own life, but fuck.

You wanted nothing more than to lay down your own life for Sung so that she could continue in existence for him.

If you could, you would take here place.

You would die for her, for him.

You remember pushing back your thoughts as you put focusing on Jimin your first priority. You remember keeping him in a neverending tight embrace as he neverendingly sobs against your chest, his lips leaving prayers you could barely yet still tried to understand;

please don't let her die

don't take her away from me

i love her too much

i still have to marry her.

You then remember hearing a wail of anguish, putting a pause to both Jimin's silent pleas and your eavesdropping as the both of your heads turn to pinpoint from whom the noise came from.

You remember the way Jimin stilled.

"No."

You remember his whisper of such a small, two-lettered word, yet somehow it caused your heart to crumble.

"No no no no-"

You remember having to tackle Jimin slightly as he causes a mess of himself, punching the seats and harshly tugging on his hair all the while screaming wails of pain and suffering, "Jimin please-"

"No- get the fuck off of me! Sung?!"

You remember how Jimin lost sight of reality as he pushes you off of him, your body making in contact with the cold tiled ground.

"SUNG? SUNG! LET ME INSIDE-"

You remember seeing nurses and other staff pull the man you love back as he causes a scene, starting to become physical and violent with the people surrounding him, "PLEASE! Please- I just- I NEED TO SEE HER! SHES MY FIANCE-"

You remember seeing a man dressed in blue make his way near Jimin, a needle in his hand.

"H-hey, no!" You remember trying to catch up to the nurse, attempting to prevent them from giving whatever the shot was to Jimin, "Stop! Please-"

"y/n. D-don't."

You remember feeling a hand on your shoulder which makes you turn around instantly, only to find the culprit behind the anguished scream just moments prior Jimin's outburst.

"Jin." You start, "-they're going to sedate him. That- that's not okay."

"They have to, y/n." Another voice calls out from behind Jin, "I know how it seems and I don't like it either, b-but he's becoming violent. They have to sedate him."

"Joon." You whisper softly.

What a sick and twisted game that life is playing on you, that your brother, Jimin's best friend, Jimin's best man at the wedding being planned, is the one to give news of the bride's passing.

"Sung, is she really.." You trail off, not having the heart to finish your sentence.

It seems neither does he, as he responds with nothing but a simple avoidance of eye contact.

"HYUNG!"

You remember Jimin's faint and tired yet still firm voice as he calls out your brother, "Hyung, you saved her didn't you? You- you were part of the surgery. You saved her didn't you? Didn't you!?" Jimin is weak as he trails off his words as the effect of the syringe takes its course, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to the three of you, "H-hyung. Tell me you saved her. P-please tell me you saved h-her."

Namjoon doesn't stop the tear that rolls down his hardened face as he only shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Jimin. We did our best. We really, really did. I'm so sorry-"

You remember the way Namjoon's voice trails off your hearing as your throat suddenly feels contracted. You remember the itching pain just within your chest as you find the struggle to breath, your hand clutching it harshly. You remember stumbling back just a little bit as you feel lightheaded, thinking that these were only from the overwhelming happenings in that moment.

But then you cough.

And you cough

and you cough

and you cough.

But no one notices you.

Not even yourself.

Your attention remains still at Jimin, who has now dropped completely to the floor, tears still continuously spilling out of his drowsy eyes. Short breaths are released from his trembling lips as he mumbles words that none of you can understand. He then begins to seemingly reach out for something, someone.

"P-please," He whispers.

And as you bend down almost immediately to attend to his calls, you cough.

And you cough

and you cough.

And still no one notices.

No one except him.

You cough as your eyes find his, barely open yet staring right at you from the lows of the floor.

You remember having to excuse yourself and run to the nearest restroom you can find, legs trembling and stumbling on your way there as you push against the winds of the almost empty halls, still coughing with every step you take. And just as you reach the doors of the restroom, you turn back slightly, just enough to catch Jimin's last sight while his body is being carried away to where you guess is a vacant patient's room, all this before his eyes ultimately close.

Eyes you found lastly staring at you.

You remember finally shutting the door and locking it, thanking God silently that you're in a family restroom hence there is no one else inside. You cough desperately, your throat beginning to feel exclusively sore and your lungs beginning to tighten from all the air being released as you cough and cough and cough again.

You reach out to the sink, gripping tightly onto the white metals as you cough and cough and cough again.

You then brushingly turn to the toilet, your eyes watering and lips numbing as you cough and you cough and you cough once more.

You practically clean the whole restroom, as disgusting as that sounds, from all the moving you made as you coughed anywhere and everywhere. You felt awful for the next person to come inside, now that your bacterium were practically in its every corner, side, and space. You cough again, this time harder, the worst one out of the previous.

You remember sensing a certain feeling rise up, something soft yet itchy, something light yet heavy.

And so you cough, and you cough, and you cough, and you cough,

and you bleed.

And amongst the red is a pink.

A single, individual pink petal from what you would soon find out is a camellia flower - the flower that is soon to be the latter symbolization of death chasing you, growing closer, inching nearer, just about to knock on your door.

So of course you remember Jimin's distraught. Of course you remember Sung's - his fiance's death.

Because her death was too, the ultimate beginning of yours.

taglist for part 2?

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megumitski · 3 years

Photo

hello these are the bnha fics i’ve read so far and i just made this to track them for myself. favorites are marked with a 💥! more bakudeku plus tododeku and other ships under the cut.

bakudeku

💥 Bluebird - EtherealBeing (53k)

Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact.

However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

Let’s Be Alone Together - lalazee (3k)

Prompt: Deku being aggressively forward in his pursuit of Bakugou, and how that big oaf would react to someone else actually making the first move.

“Are you going to spend your entire life wishing you’d kissed me or are you gonna grow some balls and fucking do it?”

Bell Pepper - ticklishivories (7k)

Midoriya knew they wouldn’t talk about it. He was right. But he never thought it’d happen again.

spilling over every side - failbender (6k)

No good deed goes unpunished, not when there's a crazy lady with a complex and Lust Quirk parading around the city. By now, Katsuki should probably be used to things blowing up in his face.

be loved - bonnia (5k)

They sit there, in the darkness of the common room, about a few centimeters between them, but miles apart. Somehow, the quiet is companionable. More than it has been in many years. Katsuki knows he’s responsible for the rift between them, and he knows even more that it can’t only be Deku who attempts to mend it.

“Hey,” he says, after a while, and Deku turns to him in question, but Katsuki refuses to look his way. “Touch me again.”

(or: the kidnapping incident leaves bakugou traumatised about being touched on the back of his neck, and midoriya decides to take matters into his own hands)

Leftovers - brichibi (6k)

“Did you two make up?”

That. That’s why that fight felt like it was worth it, even if, technically, Izuku can’t answer her. Have they made up? Is this making up?

He actually doesn’t know.

[Or: the house arrest fic where it is, somehow, more awkward to talk through feelings than it is to fight]

lust-drunk - theboykingofhell (8k)

The one where Bakugou tries not to lose his mind to lust, and Midoriya is the useless gay who does nothing to help that matter at all.

💥 Quiet Rapture - lalazee (261k) - inc.

That A/B/O fic where cocky Alpha Bakugou falls in mate-love at first scent, while Midoriya is just a poor bookstore-owning Omega who got his nose punched in is a kid and can't smell a damn thing. Also known as: That time an Alpha had to use his actual personality to woo his mate instead of relying on his scent.

💥 A Demolition Boy & his Cryptid BF - kewltie (8k)

Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.

Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.

They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.

What The Fuck Did You Just Call Me? - reading_raindrop (8k)

“A-ah B-Bakugou! You dropped some pencils!”

Katsuki stiffened. Kirishima and Kaminari froze. Basically, everyone within earshot stopped what they were doing to look at Izuku like he sprouted a second head. What did he just call him? “What the fuck did you just say to me?”

Katsuki whipped his head towards Izuku with his signature death glare as he stood up from where he picked up the fallen supplies.

“U-um I said you dropped some pencils! I think this eraser might be yours to-”

“No. What the fuck did you just call me?”

Izuku starts calling him Bakugou and it pisses the explosive teen off a lot more than he thought it would

💥 take care - Chrome (2k)

There are words to say stay safe, I’ll miss you, I love you, but Kacchan has always preferred to leave things unspoken. Izuku isn’t much with languages, but he thinks he’s figured out this one.

---

“Emotional constipation manifested as over-the-top housewifery?” Mina asks. Before Izuku can say that is not what he meant at all, she nods. “Yeah, I can see it.”

Just Look At Me - Colourcubify (52k) - dnf

Midoriya is completely happy with his life. Nope, not one single regret in his twenty-seven years. He especially doesn't regret running into his old childhood friend/bully after almost ten years, nor does he regret spilling coffee all over his very expensive looking suit. How nice it will be to die with no regrets. ~~~~ AKA the sugar daddy AU I meant to be a one shot, that turned into a full fledged story.

A Nest for the Best - Camellia_Sinensis (1k)

Deku’s been nesting and asking everyone in 1-A for pieces of clothing for his horde. Everyone, that is, except Katsuki. Cue the jealousy.

unforgiving - i_write_emotion (19k)

Deku is hit with a quirk that takes away his ability to forgive, and Bakugou’s world comes crashing down. Quirkless!Deku. Pro-hero!Bakugou.

@ Deku WRONG CHAT - katyastark (16k) - inc.

Deku: THE LENGTHS I WOULD GO TO JUST LICK THE SWEAT OFF HIS ABS hnnnnnghhh

Deku: or! like! It doesn’t even have to be his abs! It could be anywhere else! I’m not picky!

Pinky: excuse me what

ChargeDolt: OMG

Uravity: @Deku WRONG CHAT

I love you. I’m completely and utterly in love with you. Please don’t get married. - InkspillsNotebook (6k)

Ta-Da!!!! I hope you all enjoy the finished product!!! I'm sorry (not sorry) I broke a lot of you when I first posted this to tumblr!!

Procrastination - capncapk (5k)

But it is still surprising to see his more-than-friend-but-also-lover-he-guesses in his office seeking attention though Izuku already turned him down.

Usually he'll get a text of 'wyd?' followed by a time and place if Izuku responds with a confirmation, and silence if he's busy.

Or slammed into the wall in the agency's shower for a quickie if no one was around, which despite his anxiety, he often acquiesces to.

While You Were Sleeping - Belkacaramelka (71k)

The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.

briar roses (and hundred years of sleep) - vannral (16k)

In complete honesty, no one who knows the Class 3-A should be surprised anymore. Izuku is asleep.

In which Izuku is hit by a ‘Sleeping Beauty’ Quirk, Class 3-A tries to find his True Love and get them to kiss him, and Katsuki’s very angry about it all.

Yes, They’re All Safe - teaandtumblr (5k)

Villains have entered UA grounds and are disposed of just as quickly, but that doesn't mean a headcount of the students doesn't need to be done. Toshinori would admit, he wasn't quite prepared for what he found in Bakugou Katsuki's room.

💥 all choked up - spicyrabbit (5k)

Bakugou Katsuki had a habit of turning away from the heard. At 16, he does this by coming to terms with wanting, desperately, to see his childhood friend cry.

💥 May I take your order, dipshit? - supercrunch (6k)

So, like, maybe Bakugou wasn’t really the best choice for this whole pizza delivery shindig.

(Midoriya in love, Bakugou in denial, and way, way too much cheese.

A BakuDeku romance in thirty minutes or less. )

blooms every hour - dynamighttiddy (7k)

“It’s you, okay?!” Deku screams. “It’s you. And I know you’ll never love me back, so -” Deku wipes his eyes and straightens. “So just leave it.”

-----

Deku has hanahaki, and Katsuki doesn't know how to save him.

all choked up - dynamighttiddy (7k)

“Deku, what the fuck are you doing?!”

Izuku asks Kacchan to help him train blackwhip. Things don't exactly go according to plan.

A Fight To The Death - iknewaman (10k)

Izuku isn’t competitive by nature, but when the blond, cocky asshole from the other table’s team gets involved he suddenly becomes hellbent on winning.

Rival Pub Quiz AU

💥 Like the Moon - osakakitty (15k)

Katsuki Bakugo is having constant, erotic dreams about Izuku Midoriya. He isn’t sure why, but they won’t go away. In order to make them stop, he needs to figure out what Izuku Midoriya means to him.

Canon-verse story in which Bakugo is confused about his feelings for Midoriya, and doesn’t know what he wants. Besides a good night’s sleep.

💥 We Wear Chains on the Weekend - surveycorpsjean (35k)

Well, in a day of revelations, it turns out that Izuku isn't as vanilla as Katsuki previously thought. Unfortunately, that fascinating discovery is overshadowed by Izuku's dumbassery, because he has zero concept of aftercare.

"Don't go to anyone else," Katsuki says, because screw it. He can do a better job anyways.

Or; Katsuki finds Izuku on a bad drop.

take me out to dinner first - dynamighttiddy (3k)

“Kacchan,” Deku chides. “What’s going on?”

Katsuki takes a deep breath.

He trusts Deku with his life. He can trust him with this, too.

“Have sex with me.”

-----

Katsuki Bakugou is one of the only virgins left in class 3-A - and with graduation just around the corner, he's desperate to change that.

💥 that ultra kind of love - dynamighttiddy (11k)

“So, uh,” Kirishima starts. “Was that your first kiss?” he whispers, almost sheepish. Katsuki’s stomach drops, and he freezes. Memories of green eyes and freckles and soft lips flash behind his eyelids. “Yeah,” he lies easily. “That was my first kiss.”

-----

In which Bakugou pretends Kirishima is his first kiss, amongst other things.

to the moon and back - kewltie (1k)

"He gets stupid when he's drunk," Katsuki seethes in his seat as he watches Izuku croon love notes into Uraraka's throat. He’d never met a worst lightweight then Deku, who become some kind of demented affectionate monster.

💥 Bridges - supercrunch (18k)

Yaomomo sighs. “We’ve got a little bit of a situation, Bakugou. Ashi—uhm, somebody might have accidentally signed you up for that modelling gig.”

Katsuki holds up a hand. "So what you’re telling me here," he says, "is that you told Calvin Klein I would model for them. In my underwear.”

Ashido sinks behind a desk to hide. “Yes.”

(The thing is, they really do need the money. And Katsuki's technically the leader of this bunch of morons, so he finds himself taking the job even though his pride will never recover. And even though nobody thought to tell him that he'd be working with his ex-boyfriend. You know, the cute freckled guy from high school who went and broke his heart.

So, yeah. This whole situation kind of sucks.)

Crescendo - supercrunch - inc. (4k)

(Izuku's band is on their way to the top of the charts. But the real star, he thinks, is the drummer.)

Guilty Kiss - osakakitty (1k)

He could feel Midoriya's eyes on him. Even though he knew it was wrong, Bakugo still wet his lips in anticipation.

(Canon-verse) A short story about making out in a closet. It's messy, but so is their relationship.

💥 Surfaces - surveycorpsjean (25k)

Katsuki has a new girlfriend, but something isn't right.

As impossible as it is, Izuku can't help but wonder what it'd be like to be called Katsuki's girl.

Classical conditioning - supercrunch (8k)

(or: how to trick a boy into going out with you.)

Alright. Maybe his idiot friends had a point, Katsuki thinks as he shoulders open the front door. His mother’s in the living room drinking coffee. Katsuki kicks off his shoes and stomps over. “Am I charming?” he demands, blocking the TV.

Mitsuki pats his cheek. “Oh, hon. Not at all.”

💥 Dance Bunny - EllaBesmirched (17k)

Katsuki Bakugou spends most week nights by himself, sitting in a corner at his local strip club and passing time until he feels tired enough to sleep. Work leaves him stressed and the new city he moved to a year ago is just different enough that he can't sleep at night and can't seem to get comfortable no matter where he is.

When he finally changes up his schedule and decides to head to the club on a Saturday night, he is instantly infatuated with a part-time dancer who can do things with his body that Katsuki didn't even know were possible. The dancer calls himself Bunny. By the second lap dance, Katsuki realizes he is in trouble.

but the entrails are the best part! - supercrunch (15k)

The boy straightens up. He’s about half a head shorter than Katsuki, face soft and youthful and sweet. He turns to look at him properly. His dark hair shines in the dying light, basket of blooms looped over one arm and mouth quirked into a tiny half-smile. The sun hits his face and makes his eyes a bright greeny-gold, just like emeralds.

Katsuki likes emeralds.

“Pretty,” he says, reaching out and picking the stranger up around the middle. He’s surprisingly heavy, although Katsuki doesn’t mind. “I like you. Come see my nest.”

The boy hits him.

He’s stronger than he looks, turns out. Katsuki drops him and falls onto his back, pain blooming across his face. Birds sing. The sky’s a lovely shade of orange, clouds floating lazily by. The boy scarpers. He leaves his basket of flowers behind, footsteps thumping on the ground and fading away as he escapes.

The sun sets. Katsuki, lying flat on his back with a bloody nose, decides he’s just fallen in love.

tododeku

(You Know You’re Really) Cute - ladyhoneydarlinglove (2k)

Kirishima poses the question, who’s the cutest boy in Class 1-A? The answers kind of surprise everyone, especially Midoriya.

Everything Except - Pouler (28k)

"In retrospect, Midoriya probably should’ve realized the moment they were enveloped in a glittering pink cloud that something was about to go Very Wrong."

After an encounter with a unique villain threatens to change the nature of their partnership, Midoriya must find a way to get things back to normal between him and Todoroki. That is, if he's certain that getting 'back to normal' is what he really wants...

count your blessings, not your flaws - PitViperOfDoom (7k)

Midoriya Izuku has never been asked out, confessed to, or flirted with, except as a joke.

Riddles in the Heart - PitViperOfDoom (19k)

The law is clear: whoever correctly answers three riddles will marry the prince, while all who fail are to be executed. The people live in fear as more challengers try and fail, and the throne grows bloodier with every passing year. But a young prince, nameless and in exile from his home, believes there may be more to this brutal challenge than meets the eye.

Of course, there's only one way to find out: ring the gong, and take the trial.

Late bloomer - Nohaljiachi (10k)

That’s why when they’ve found themselves face to face on the ring of the sport festival once more, for the third time ever since they’ve met each other, and Izuku smiled at him, eager and challenging, self-confident but never full of himself, Shouto blinked, dazed and shocked, in realizing just how blindingly beautiful his best friend was. The way Izuku’s white shirt clung on his muscles, the little peek of his collar bone and the hard lines of his pecs visible under it, the way his thighs curved and filled the school gym uniform.

‘Oh, fuck—‘ Shouto thought, his head spinning, feeling like he just got run over by a freight train. ‘Shit. He’s- hot?’

Burn and Breathe - PitViperOfDoom (11k)

Soulmates are connected through pain, and some bonds have more to share than others. Todoroki Shouto wishes he could reject his soulmate. Midoriya wants nothing more than to protect his own.

one string, fit for a bow - furihatachlookie (5k)

There was no magical moment that played a part in Midoriya's realization that he liked Todoroki. The thin red string that greeted him every time he looked down at his hand was an obvious factor, yes, but it wasn't love at first sight either.

It sorta just... happened over time.

fire and feelings - kagshina (8k)

“Uh…” he starts, eyes widening. “Your finger’s on fire.”

Todoroki’s face scrunches together, confused, and then he looks down, noticing the flame. Midoriya watches as shock flashes across Todoroki’s face, and then horror, and then finally settles on embarrassment as he puts out the flame.

“Shit,” Todoroki mumbles, and Midoriya’s lip curves upward.

bakutododeku

💥 Fire in the Mountains - EllaBesmirched (168k)

“I’ll do it.”

Enji froze, fingers curling into a fist at his side, and didn’t turn around.

Shouto froze too, feeling his own eyes widen in shock at the words that had come out of his mouth, at the fact that he had actually stood up, followed his father out of the room, and dashed after him all just to say… he’d do it? He would do it? Him. Shouto Todoroki. He would--

Enji finally turned around and fixed Shouto with an expression so scathing, Shouto had to fight to keep his chin raised. “You’ll marry the Barbarian King.”

Shouto blinked. “Yes.”

The Ballad of Love and Hate - EllaBesmirched (6k)

After eight painfully long years, Katsuki finally has Izuku back. He's determined to keep him this time, and to do that, he knows there are some things he has to say.

(mis)matched - ethydium (12k)

Midoriya doesn't hate the idea of finding one's soulmate, even though he had long since given up on finding his own. And then Bakugou and Todoroki match, and while he's happy for them, his heart breaks from all the unsaid things he feels for them.

Or:

Midoriya pines and suffers his way to his own happy ending.

pillowed by love - ethydium (21k)

As a prank, Uraraka gets Midoriya a body pillow (dakimakura) with the image of Bakugou printed on it. Then another one with Todoroki's picture. Chaos ensues.

other

For who could learn to love a beast? - supercrunch (4k) - bakutodo

Bakugou takes a deep breath and steps out into the living room, eyes automatically adjusting to the change in light. There’s a boy hanging up his coat in the hall. He’s handsome, albeit in an annoying way, hair dyed two colours to match his heterochromia and skin pale and perfect and smooth. He looks expensive. “Bakugou.”

“That’s me,” Bakugou says. “You’re younger than I expected.”

“I’m older than I look.”

(Deku was right, damn him. Pretty boys are Bakugou's type.)

Want it All - surveycorpsjean (29k) - kiribakutododeku

“Hey, so..." Eijirou grins. "Can we ask you guys a question?"

Frankendick and the Great Acid Fiasco - EllaBesmirched (11k) - shiggyxdabi

Dabi had been intending to spend a very nice Saturday getting stoned and plotting murder, thank you very much, but when a trio of UA brats on enough L to kill a Beatle accidentally dose him and two other unsuspecting homicidal maniacs, Dabi has to change his plans a bit. Apparently no else around here knows how to trip balls and fucking enjoy it.

The Twitter - EllaBesmirched (8k) - tododenki

Shouto never really intended for anyone to find his secret Twitter account. He certainly didn't intend for Kaminari to see Shouto's thirst tweets about him. Luckily, Kaminari doesn't seem to mind.

pray you catch me - supercrunch (4k)

Katsuki pushes her shirt up to kiss her stomach. It’s silly, how it makes her heart flutter, how Izuku’s whispered I love you threatens to make her cry all over again. They’re unwrapping her from her clothes. They won’t let her hide, she thinks numbly. Won’t let her curl in on herself like she’s something dirty, Katsuki’s hands tugging off her underwear so she’s naked and exposed between them. “I,” she says breathlessly. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be crying. I’m just being dumb.”

Izuku shushes her. Another tear trickles down her cheek and into her ear. He kisses it away, humming, brushing her bangs off her forehead so he can press his mouth between her brows. “You have every right to be upset. We’ll deal with him later. For now just let us take care of you.”

“She’ll get the message once you stop talking and fuck her,” Katsuki says, slipping his fingers into her. She clenches around him and shudders. “Gonna eat you out ‘til you forget how to move. Now put that fucking motor mouth to good use, Deku.”

#bnha #fic rec #mha #my hero academia #bakudeku #tododeku #bakutododeku #i do want to start reading kiribaku drop some recs pls #im just in a bakudeku hole #im not complaining i like it here #bnha fic rec #mha fic rec

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jaehyunhour · 4 years

Text

BACK 2 U | jung jaehyun

genre + idol → hanahaki au, angst, smut, babydaddy!jaehyun (ft. johnny suh)

word count → 4.9k

warnings → tiniest bit of cursing, protected sex

summary → you and jaehyun have been together for years now and have just had your first child. you couldn’t be happier to be with the man you love, but what happens when jaehyun starts staying late at work, you start coughing up flowers, and you’re left alone with the baby? even worse, what happens when jaehyun comes crawling back years later but you can no longer love him again?

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you stay. I promise I will tell Jieun good things about you, Yoonoh.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s my fault. I hurt you.”

a/n → have fun with this one, i’m not sure how to feel about the ending but sigh this one really hurt to write..... also please don’t ask me for a part two because i will not write one lol i love y’all but not every story needs a part two

For many people, their worst fears are being buried alive, spiders, something along those lines. But your worst fear had always been falling out of love. Whether you are the one falling out of love with someone, or the other way around, just the thought made you stressed. On one hand, if you fall out of love someone, you cause them irreparable pain, flowers growing in their lungs until they can’t breathe. And on the other hand, if someone falls out of love with you, you’re the one suffering. There’s no winning.

But for the first time in your life, this fear is thrown out of the window. The first time Jaehyun tells you “I love you, I want to be with you forever” you feel the fear leave your body. A weight is lifted off your chest, you can finally breathe again. He sounds so sincere when he says it, it must be true.

And as the years pass, and you spend more and more of your life with him, you know that you never want to love anyone else in this, or any lifetime. He is who you are meant to spend your life with. You and Jaehyun are meant to have children together, grow old together, and be in love for the rest of your life.

One day, Jaehyun stomps into your shared home with his eyebrows furrowed and lips in a pout. You rush to meet him at the door, quickly taking his face in your hands and kissing the pout off his lips.

“Long day?” You ask.

He nods. “You have absolutely no idea. Happy to see your pretty face, though.”

“Could say the same to you, handsome. Go lay down, I’ll make you dinner. I have something to tell you after we eat.”

You skip over to the kitchen, quickly taking ingredients out of the fridge and cabinet to make dinner for you and Jaehyun. The last few weeks, Jaehyun had been leaving in the early morning for work, leaving you alone for most of the day. You’d been waking up with terrible morning sickness, and after going to the doctor earlier in the day, found out you were pregnant. Jaehyun hadn’t asked to marry you yet, and he still had years ahead of him in his career, but you knew this is something you both wanted.

Jaehyun watches as you cook from the kitchen table, feeling his heart inflate with how much love he has for you.

“I can’t wait for the day I get to marry you.”

“Well, we could be planning a wedding right now but you haven’t asked me to marry you yet.” You drop the last few things into the pot, setting the lid on it before crawling into Jaehyun’s lap and wrapping your arms around him.

“I don’t want to have to plan a wedding and go to the courthouse or anything. I just want you to be my wife.”

“Then ask me to be your wife.”

“Y/N,” Jaehyun says, hands gripping onto your hips tightly, eyes flickering from your eyes, to your lips, then back up to your eyes. “Will you— Wait. Wait here.” He pushes you off him and you sit on the chair as you wait for him. He comes back a few moments later, fist closed tightly around something. He gets down on his knees in front of you, grabbing both of your hands with one of his and smiles. “Y/N, will you be my wife?” He opens his palm, revealing the diamond ring you had pointed out over a month ago when you went searching for couple rings.

You nod, and he slips the ring onto your ring finger. He kisses your hand before placing it back down on your lap, admiring the way the ring looks on your finger.

“Alright, I have something for you now.”

“Don’t know if whatever you have planned could be better than you finally becoming my wife.”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Oh- I- Oh. Oh, that’s definitely better.”

Jaehyun is incredible throughout your pregnancy. He takes time off of work to stay home with you, builds and decorates the nursery, even packs your hospital bag as the days inch closer to your due date. But in the last month of your pregnancy, Jaehyun is quickly pulled back to work and you’re left alone with a swollen belly and complete nursery. You can’t even nest because Jaehyun already did it for you — he didn’t want you to lift a finger until the baby came. The last three weeks have been lonely. Jaehyun comes home in the middle of the night, he spends the weekends away on business trips, is always hunched over his computer in the living room when he is home, and you feel like he’s slipping through your fingertips. You want him home, in bed with you, with your baby, before your attention is completely on her.

The longer Jaehyun is away from you, the more nervous you get. Every time he leaves overnight you’re worried he won’t make it back in time for the baby’s birth. And when he calls you from his trips, and you hear a woman’s voice in the background, your throat begins hurting and your irrational fear of falling out of love resurfaces. You feel something stir in your stomach and you panic.

“Come home, baby. Please,” you say quietly.

“Honey, I’m working, I can’t just—”

“— Please, Yoonoh. I don’t want to have this baby alone.”

You feel selfish. Maybe nothing is actually wrong, but the pain in your throat and the feeling in your stomach is too much to ignore. He rushes home, and within hours is in bed with you, thin fingers placed on the highest point of your belly, fingertips tapping and waiting for the baby to react and kick.

“Do you think there’s a reason she’s not kicking?”

“She’s sleeping. Enjoying her last moment’s in mama’s belly before she’s brought out into the real world. Don’t bother her.”

“You’re funny,” he says. “I have always loved that about you.”

The first few weeks of coughing flowers are uncomfortable, but bearable. Jaehyun isn’t around to see you suffer — staying extra late at work, continuing to go on business trips, attending meetings — and you wonder what his new infatuation is like as you breastfeed your newborn daughter and suppress a cough. She must be one hell of a woman if she can tear a man away from his wife and newborn child. You sit in the nursery Jaehyun insisted on decorating himself, illuminated only by the string lights hanging across the room. Once your daughter is done feeding, you sit her up and begin burping her. You pat her back, listening to her slight hiccups and feel your chest tighten.

She spits up after a few more moments and you clean her up, before setting her back in the crib where she quickly falls asleep. You stare at her sleeping figure and finally let out the cough you’d been holding in, plucking the red petals from your lips and tearing it apart with your fingers. It falls on the floor, and then you hear the front door open and Jaehyun’s footsteps heading into the nursery.

“I just put her down,” you say when he gets to the door. “Let’s go to bed.”

You get into bed quickly, with Jaehyun following shortly behind. Once in bed, you turn your back to him and sink into the sheets. He crawls into bed next to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and pressing a kiss to your shoulder.

“Missed you today, baby,” he mumbles against your skin.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Did you really think you would be able to get away with it?”

Jaehyun tenses for a second, but then relaxes again. “What are you talking about?”

“Jaehyun… We live in a cruel, cruel world,” you whisper. “I can’t even feed my own daughter without feeling like I’m going to choke on the flowers growing inside of me. Did you really think you’d be able to get away with it?”

The room is uncomfortably silent. The baby monitor on the bedside table is on, and you can hear your daughter in the other room making noises as she sleeps. Tears begin to fall down your face and you suppress the sob that is bubbling in your chest.

“I don’t know what to say,” Jaehyun responds.

“When I wake up in the morning, I want you out of my house,” you pick up the baby monitor and reach behind your back, letting it fall between your bodies. “If the baby cries in the night, you tend to her. Enjoy your last moments with her.” His grip on your body tightens.

“Y/N—” Jaehyun starts, but you push him off you and get out of bed.

“I’m going to go sleep on the couch,” you say, grabbing a pillow and a blanket from your closet. Once you get to the door, you stop and look at him laying in your bed. “Goodnight, Jaehyun. I really do love you. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough.”

You lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling and listening to the noises of your house. The refrigerator running, the fan running in your bedroom, Jaehyun’s footsteps as he walks around your shared bedroom.

In the bedroom, Jaehyun paces around the room trying to figure out what to do. Surely he loves you, as the mother of his child, but that wasn’t enough. What if I ask her to start over? he thinks. But that could kill her. If we start from the beginning again, try to fall in love again, try to put back together our already broken relationship and it didn’t work, the flowers would fill her lungs and kill her. And if she got the surgery, she would never love me again.

As he’s packing his things, the baby begins crying and it takes him several moments to process what is happening. By the time he realizes the baby is crying and he heads to the nursery, you’re already in there, holding the baby in your arms and sitting in the rocking chair in the corner.

He watches you with the baby and his chest begins to feel heavy. You look so beautiful holding the baby, rocking back and forth in the chair with your eyes closed. Jaehyun wishes so badly he could continue loving you the way you love him. You clear your throat and bring him out of his trance.

“Jieun-ah,” you whisper quietly, tears falling down your face. “i’m sorry I couldn’t get your appa to continue loving me for you. I promise I will only tell you good things about him when you’re older.”

He lets out a sigh before returning back to the bedroom. He packs all of his things up in his suitcases and watches the sun rise from the balcony of your bedroom. A chill runs down his spine as he watches the sun go higher and higher. After one last check throughout the room to make sure all of his things are packed, he sneaks into the nursery to look at your daughter.

He’s surprised to see you in there, inside the crib, lying in the fetal position next to your daughter. He checks the time on his phone, it’s 7:34 a.m. and he realizes any moment now the baby will wake up and want to eat. He heads into the kitchen, heating up a bottle and as soon as he steps back into the nursery, the baby wakes up and lets out a loud cry. You stir, ready to take her and feed her, but as your eyes open, you see Jaehyun in the rocking chair holding her and leading the bottle into her mouth.

“Sleep,” he says. “I’ll leave after this, I promise. Just want to feed my daughter before I go.”

“You know, you never told me why you wanted to name her Jieun,” you say, pulling the blanket over your body and laying back down.

Jaehyun stares down at your daughter eating, memorizing every inch of her face as if it is the last time he will ever see her. She has his eyes but your nose, your ears but his lips. She’s so perfect he could almost cry. He blinks away the tears that surface.

“My father’s name is Jihoon, and my mother’s name is Eunha. So I took one syllable from each of their names for hers. Ji means purpose, and Eun means kindness. I wanted to give her a name that meant something,” he says. “My parents named me Jaehyun for no reason, so I had to change it to Yoonoh when I was older but no one ever calls me that. I wanted different for my kids.”

“I see… I left your ring for you on the coffee table,” you sit back up and watch as she finishes the last of her bottle. “I can burp her if you want.”

Jaehyun shakes his head no, placing her in his lap and holding her upright. He burps her quickly, cleaning her up and placing her back in the crib next to you. He pulls you into a hug and you break down, sobbing into his chest.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you stay,” you say, trying not to wake the baby who just knocked back out. “I promise I will tell Jieun good things about you, Yoonoh.”

“Don’t apologize, it’s my fault. I hurt you,” he responds. He pulls back, placing a kiss on your forehead, walking out of the nursery and closing the door behind him.

And with that, Jaehyun walks out of your life.

It’s 3 a.m. on a Tuesday, and you hear the baby begin to cry from the nursery. It’s been 4 months since Jaehyun has left, but you still stir in bed and call out for him.

“Jaehyun — the baby,” you mumble, sinking further into the sheets. She cries harder and you groan. “Yah, Jung Jaehyun, your baby is calling for you.” You sit up in bed annoyed, looking over to the other side of the bed and realize Jaehyun isn’t there. He hasn’t been for months.

“Fuck, I need to stop doing that,” you say, running your hands through your hair, putting your slippers on and running over to the nursery.

You place Jieun into the baby carrier strapped onto your body, slipping a mask on before grabbing your keys and heading towards the door. As you open the door, you’re met with Johnny’s tall body and his hand in mid-air.

“Johnny— oh. I was just about to go on a walk. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to come check on you… Jaehyun doesn’t know I’m here.”

Johnny accompanies you on your walk, offering to take the baby and give you a break.

“How old is she now?”

“Ten months. Every day she looks more and more like Jaehyun and it kills me.”

“She’s getting so big. You ever think of getting a step-dad for her?”

“Surely you didn’t come all the way across town to hit on me, Mr. Suh. I’m still working on trying to get her real dad to come around and see her, haven’t even thought about a step-dad.”

“I’m kidding, you know that,” Johnny stops in his tracks in front of the first coffee shop you see. “Do you want coffee?”

“I’m still breastfeeding, I don’t want to drink any caffeine. But I’ll wait while you get something.”

Johnny enters the shop quickly, coming out in a few minutes with a drink in hand. “Does Jaehyun really not come around?”

You shake your head no. “I called him the other day and he got mad at me for calling.”

You think back to a couple of weeks ago when you called Jaehyun. You were sitting on the living room floor, Jieun in the baby swing as you cooed and tried to get her to talk back to you. Before then, all she had done was babble incoherently and you felt less than the other mothers in your classes whose babies have already said at least a couple of words.

“C’mon, sweet girl, just say mama. Just once, I won’t tell anyone I promise,” you said quietly, finger on her chin and moving her lips.

And before you could even process, the word mama left her lips and you gasped. “Did you just say that? Oh my god, I need to call your dad.”

You grabbed your phone from the couch, dialed Jaehyun’s number and he picked up almost instantly.

“What do you want?” He snarled from the other side of the phone.

You rolled your eyes. “God, I hate you.”

“If you hate me, then why’d you even call?”

“Well, for your information, your daughter just said her first word. I thought you’d want to know.”

“What’d she say?”

“Mama.”

“That’s nice, Y/N. Look, I have to go, I’m working,” He said quickly, hanging up the phone and you groaned.

“I don’t even know why I try with him anymore. You would think he would actually want to hear about his daughter’s milestones at the very least, you know, make sure she’s still alive. But he doesn’t care. I’ll get over it, eventually.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. You don’t deserve this. How did you, y’know, deal with the flowers?”

“Oh, I got the surgery a few days after he left. I left Jieun with my mom for a weekend and got it done. I wasn’t going to wait around for Jaehyun to maybe come back and start loving me again. I don’t have that kind of time, I have a baby now.”

“Damn. You’re stone-cold, Y/N. Seriously, if you ever want a new daddy, I will gladly help you out.”

“Why do I feel like you aren’t talking about Jieun? Don’t start that kinda talk around my baby, sir.”

“If sir is what you’re into, I can do that too,” He says with a wink.

“Ha-ha, very funny. I’m going to let you spend a weekend with her then you can decide if you want to be her new dad.”

“Oh you’re on, Y/N. Hear that, Jieun-ah?” Johnny says, jumping lightly, Jieun’s body moving with him, a loud fit of giggles leaving her lips. “Johnny’s gonna get a chance to be your new papa.”

You flick him on the forehead and he laughs. “You’re ridiculous. C’mon, walk us home.”

“Mama, wake up,” Jieun says quietly, crawling into your bed and on top of you. She places a flurry of kisses on your face and it stirs you awake. “Mama, come on, Papa is gonna be here soon.”

You wrap your arms around her and let out a sigh before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Who are you calling Papa? Johnny? Did he put you up to this?”

She nods quickly and lets out a giggle. “He said you would laugh.”

“You two are quite the comedians. Alright, go pick out some clothes and I’ll go make breakfast for you before Johnny gets here.”

Johnny isn’t your boyfriend, by any means, but he has stepped up and helped you with Jieun whenever you needed. And now she’s turning six in a few days, and Johnny has offered to take her for a weekend so you can have some time off. In the middle of cooking breakfast, you hear the keypad slide open and moments later, Johnny is walking through the door. He heads into the kitchen and pulls you into a side-hug, kissing you on the forehead and smiling.

“You know, she called you Papa this morning.”

He laughs. “Really? Holy shit, I didn’t think she would actually do it.”

“Dude, you can’t tell her to do that. She’ll get all confused and I don’t want to have that conversation with her.”

“Y/N, when will you finally give up and realize that we’re good for each other? And that I’m worthy of being her dad?”

You sigh. “Johnny—”

“— I’m serious! If you didn’t feel something for me, I would be dead by now. It’s been 5 years.”

“Good luck on your test run as Papa, Mr. Suh,” you say, plating the food for Jieun. “Go tell your daughter to come eat and then pack her bags.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“It’s mama to you, sir.”

The house is eerily quiet without Jieun and Johnny. Their infectious laughter normally fills the house along with the sound of toys clonking and falling, and you’re unsure of what to do to fill the time. What else is there to do with your life if you aren’t fawning over Johnny with your daughter? She might look like Jaehyun, but she’s all Johnny. She’s taken so much of his personality over the years that you barely see yourself in her some days. There’s a knock on the door and you’re quickly taken out of your thoughts — you head over to the door, saying a quick prayer that Johnny and Jieun are behind the door because they missed you, but when you open it, you’re met with Jaehyun.

“What are you doing here?”

“Okay, hello to you too?” He responds, walking past you and into the house. He takes his shoes off, walking into Jieun’s bedroom and walking out moments later, confused. “Where is she?”

“She’s with Johnny for the weekend.”

“Her birthday’s tomorrow, why is she with him?”

You can feel your blood boiling. In the last six years, Jaehyun hasn’t tried once to be a father to her and all of a sudden, he wants to try to be in her life. Having to be a mother, and watch another man have to step up to be her father, hurts beyond belief. You know you shouldn’t want Jaehyun to hurt too, but the words leave your mouth before you can stop yourself from saying them. “She insisted on spending her birthday weekend with her Papa.”

“P-papa? She thinks he’s her dad? You can’t be serious.”

“She knows he isn’t her dad. I promised to her before you even left that I would tell her the good things about you, and I did. I never told her to call him that, she did it on her own. If she feels like Johnny is her papa, what’s it to you?”

Your eyes begin to water and you turn to look anywhere else in the room except at Jaehyun and he lets out a shaky breath. He gets down on his knees in front of you, grabbing your hands and letting his head hang low.

“Y/N, I’m sorry,” he says. “I know I fucked up beyond belief, but we can’t live like this forever. I want a chance to be the father that I haven’t been for the last six years, to be that man for both you and Jieun.”

The tears stream freely down your face. “Jaehyun, get up.”

He gets up frantically, holding your face in his hands and forcing you to look at him. His face is red, tears staining his cheeks, and — call it a moment of weakness, but — his lips look so inviting. You feel like you’re in a trance, it’s been so long since you’ve even seen Jaehyun, especially this close up, and you’re immediately pulled into the time you had your first kiss. It was much too similar to this — you and Jaehyun standing in your living room, his hands on your face, his lips moving in a confession of love. His lips are moving, but you can’t hear any of what he’s saying, and before you know it, you’re leaning forward and pressing your lips onto his.

Neither of you waste any time — in an instant, Jaehyun’s hands travel down your body to the small of your back, and you bury your hands in his hair. His tongue peeks out of his mouth, licking at your lips and you open them for him. He places his hands on your thighs, and you instantly jump into his arms, wrapping your legs around his body. He walks towards your bedroom, his lips never leaving yours, and delicately places you on the bed. Jaehyun pulls away for a second, pulling his shirt over his head and you can feel your panties sticking to you the minute you see his bare torso. He reaches out to you, slipping your shirt over your head and throwing it onto the ground.

You’re not wearing a bra underneath, and in an instant Jaehyun’s lips wrap around one of your nipples, his hand slipping into your leggings and rubbing at your clit through your panties. You let out a content sigh, hand reaching forward to grip his now fully hardened crotch through his pants. He groans, letting go of your nipple and pulling the other one into his mouth.

“Jaehyun, I can’t wait,” you whine.

He pulls back and lets out a laugh. “Still as impatient as ever, I see.”

You roll your eyes, pushing your pants and underwear off, spread your legs, as Jaehyun steps onto the floor to quickly take his pants off.

“Are you on birth control?” He asks.

You shake your head no. “I haven’t gotten back on it.”

“What if Johnny had—”

“What if Johnny had what? Gotten me pregnant? That wouldn’t have been any of your business,” you snap. His eyes widen slightly and you sigh. “There’s condoms in my top drawer.”

He opens the drawer, sees the loose condoms, opens one and rolls it onto himself before getting back on the bed. He pushes your legs open further, balancing his weight on his arms as his tip pokes at your entrance. He looks into your eyes for any sign of regret, and for a second he thinks he sees some, but you nod quickly and he enters in one swift thrust. You gasp as soon as he’s in, clenching around him a few times to get used to the feeling and he groans.

“You feel so good, baby,” Jaehyun says, and for a second it feels like nothing his changed. He still feels the same inside of you, he still looks the same, he’s talking to you just as he always has.

“Move, please.”

He nods and begins thrusting into you slowly, pulling all the way out and slamming back in. You wrap your arms around his neck and he drops his head in the crook of your neck, pressing kisses into your skin as his thrusts pick up speed. Your mouth hangs open, letting out low moans and he groans every time he feels you clench around him. The world around you begins to fade as you feel Jaehyun’s body pressed close to yours, and you close your eyes to memorize the feeling before it’s ripped away from you.

“Say my name,” he says, angling his hips to hit that secret spot inside of you.

“J-jaehyun.”

“My real name.”

He’s thrusting into you at an absolutely inhumane pace, balancing all of his weight on one arm as his other travels to where your bodies meet, fingers pressing into your clit and your hips come up off the bed, chasing your oncoming high.

“Yoonoh, please, I wanna cum.”

Jaehyun’s chest convulses, and you can tell he’s crying into your neck. Tears brim at your eyes, and you can’t tell if it’s from the pleasure you’re receiving or the feeling of Jaehyun’s hot tears hitting your skin.

“Tell me you love me, please,” Jaehyun says quietly. “Lie to me.”

Your hands dig into the sheets, gripping tightly as you’re on the edge of your orgasm. Jaehyun pinches your clit between your fingers and successfully pushes you over the edge. You cum around him, back arching off the bed, and letting out a quiet “Yoonoh, I love you.” At the feeling of you spasming around him, and you telling him you love him, even if it is a lie, Jaehyun finishes into the condom and drops his body on top of you.

Your arms are spread on the bed, not wanting to touch Jaehyun as the guilt begins to consume you. Johnny isn’t your boyfriend yet, but he’s the father to your daughter that Jaehyun never was, and you almost feel like you’ve just cheated on him.

“Hold me,” Jaehyun whispers into your chest.

“Get up, Jaehyun,” you respond, lightly pushing him off your body. He sits up, head hanging low, and you wince at the feeling of him slipping out of you. He slips the condom off, tying it and throwing it into the trash can in your bathroom. When he comes back out into your bedroom, you’ve already redressed.

“This was a mistake, you should go home.”

“Y/N, I was serious earlier. I want to be that man for both you and Jieun.”

“It’s too late now,” you respond, watching as he redresses. As soon as his last article of clothing is back on, you’re pushing him out of the bedroom and towards the front door. You push him out the front door, throwing his shoes out after him. “This never happened.”

“Y/N, can we just talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about, Yoonoh. We have someone new in our life and he’s going to be the husband and father that you never were. Please don’t love me anymore, Jaehyun. It’ll kill you.”

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crispy-chan · 4 years

Text

burning sunflower | yang jeongin

↠ pairing: yang jeongin x gn!reader

↠ genre & warnings: fluff, hanahaki au (vomiting flower petals), lil bit of angst, strangers to friends to lovers, school au, soccer player!jeongin

↠ summary: your only friend Seungmin introduces you to Jeongin, the star of the school's soccer club and one of the most popular guys in the school. you two become friends quickly but you start to catch feelings...

↠ word count: 6.8k

↠ a/n: sooo, this was written for the @newskynet Valentine's day special event. Not sure if it's too late but it's Sunday evening where I live... if I slipped up with the gn! reader, please let me know. feel free to roast me for my lame header, I just decided to put the lectures on how to use GIMP to good use lmao

the prompts I used were: 21 “For me?”, 6. “No one’s ever given me something like this before.” 16. “Will you be my valentine?”

my masterlist

One.

You're not really sure when you started to like Jeongin. I mean, you two were friends, don't get me wrong but that was it. Friends.

That was all he would ever see you as, you thought bitterly. The label that many would love to have but you cursed yourself for it every day. You see, you were first introduced to the smiling boy by your good friend Seungmin who thought you should at least try to make friends other than him, claiming that he won't be with you forever.

***

“Oh come on Min, I thought we'd always be friends,” you whined as he dragged you to a small cafe after school where you would meet his friend.

“Stop acting so childish Y/N, you have to start talking to other people too, you know.”

“But whyyyy? I have you, right?” you giggled at his unamused expression, telling you that he had enough of your shit.

“Nope. You're going to make other friends and that's final. You wouldn't want to really turn into a hermit crab,” he said smugly.

Now it was your turn to look unimpressed. “You don't need to bring up my spirit animal, sheesh. What a low blow, even for someone like you, Min.”

“What was a low blow?” a boy around your age with a cheerful smile approached you giving you a questioning look. You just stood there nervously, staring at him for god knows how long until Seungmin finally broke the ice with a rather awkward cough and proceeded to introduce you guys.

“Y/N, this is Jeongin. Jeongin, this is Y/N,” he pointed at the two of you, swiftly introducing you to the other.

“Um,” you awkwardly extended your hand for a handshake, “hello, I'm Y/N, Seungmin's friend.”

He shook your hand with a firm grip before smiling from ear to ear, “I'm Jeongin, from the neighboring class.”

After you guys settled, you proceeded to order your drinks and snacks. The atmosphere was undeniably awkward, but Seungmin seemed adamant about reaching his goal.

“So look guys, I brought you both here because you both need more friends. You're both introverts who like to hide in their shells and I think you two have a lot in common, so I think this would be beneficial for both parties.”

“So you're basically trying to say that you don't want to hang out with us anymore?”

The innocence in his tone almost fooled you for a second, before you noticed the smug expression on his face and couldn't hold in the burst of laughter.

“Man, I like him already,” you sniggered after you caught your breath, patting a visibly annoyed Seungmin on the back.

“Who would have thought there is someone more savage than you in this school.”

The unimpressed deadpan he gave you made you fall into another fit of giggles, prompting Jeongin to chuckle too.

After the waitress came back with your beverages, you proceeded to distract yourself by making little paper balls and blowing them through your straw into the ceramic pot on the table. You got so distracted, that you spaced out and didn’t notice when Seungmin started waving his hand in front of your face.

“Y/N, Y/N! Are you even listening?”

You felt your cheeks heat up in embarrassment at being caught zoning out. No wonder you had no friends. Slowly lifting your head, you faced Seungmin, waiting for him to repeat what he just said.

“I asked if you wanted to come to watch him play on Saturday.”

“Watch who?” you asked confusedly.

“Jeongin, he's on our school's soccer team,” he deadpanned, annoyed at your lack of concentration.

“Umm, sure...I guess. I'm not much of a sports person but I have nothing to do on the weekend,” you mumbled, mentally checking for any possible plans or chores you could have. Well jokes on you, you had none.

Jeongin beamed at that, taking a sip from his beverage as he pulled out his phone. “I'm glad you can make it - Seungmin would come but he has an exam he has to prepare for,” he explained, “the match starts at five o'clock.”

“Wait, wait, what? There's an exam next week?” you screeched. You were almost positive that there weren't any but dread filled you at even the slightest possibility.

The boy let out a chuckle at your obvious panic, shaking his head. “No, the exam is in two weeks but you know how he is.”

You could feel a weight being lifted from your heart as you sighed in relief. “Thank god, I thought I missed something,” you giggled.

Jeongin smiled at the display. Maybe hanging out with you wouldn't be that bad, at least he'd have someone he knew watching the game other than Seungmin who wasn't exactly the most supportive when it came to sports, opting to rearrange his binder or do his homework instead of watching.

“Thanks, it means a lot to me. I'm always happy if there is someone cheering for me in the stands,” he winked, making your heart skip a beat.

Wait a minute.

Something wasn't right here.

After the two of you bid goodbye to Jeongin, you dragged Seungmin out of the cafe, the gears in your head spinning at maximum speed.

“Wait a second Seungmin, he's not that popular striker who scores most of our school's goals that all the girls swoon over, right? Please tell me I'm right,” you stammered, pulling on his sleeve.

“Relax Y/N, he's really nice-”

“So it's him?!”

“Yes,” he sighed, opening his mouth to say something, probably to convince you to not bail on his friend but you didn't even give him the chance.

“I can't believe it! Why didn't you tell me? You made me agree to accompany one of the most popular guys in our school! His fangirls will kill me,” you hissed. Although you never remembered his name, it was practically basic knowledge that anyone on the soccer team was insanely popular with a cult-like following of crazed fans who went after anyone near them.

“Calm down, ok,” he held you by the shoulders, “ you will be ok, alright? He's a really nice guy who could also use some friends. All the other guys on the team are seniors so it's hard for him to find someone he can talk to face to face,” he tried to explain.

“And don't worry,” he added with a smile, “you don't have to do anything, just come and watch the match and cheer him on a bit, alright?”

“Alright,” you groaned.

Two.

You should have never agreed to come to that soccer game. That ultimately became your downfall. If you had never agreed to this, maybe you wouldn't be like this today.

You sighed, rummaging through your closet and trying to figure out what the hell were you supposed to wear. I mean - what was it even. You had no clue what was going to happen, you only knew that he and his teammates would pick you up on their way to the match.

He texted you the day before that he and the boys would stop by your house at three-thirty to come and collect you. After ten minutes of just standing there, you finally decided on a casual outfit and ran to your door to put your sneakers on. As if on cue, you could hear a car honking right outside your door and your phone lit up with a new text message.

Jeongin [03:32]

We're here.

You slammed the door shut and made your way to the vehicle. You could see a boy you recognized but didn't remember his name, behind the wheel. Inside the van, there were a few other boys scattered around, including Jeongin who sat in the back alone.

“Hi Y/N, hop in,” he beamed, rolling down the window. You smiled back, opening the door and taking a seat next to him.

“So, are you excited?” the boy driving turned to look at you with a grin as he slowly backed the car, driving away from your house.

“Yeah, it's been a while since I watched our team play and from what I’ve heard, you guys are pretty good,” you smiled nervously under their gazes.

They all laughed at that, happy to hear they had a good reputation even amongst the students not involved in sports.

“I'm Chan, by the way, captain of our schools’ soccer club,” the boy behind the wheel stated. Oh, so that's why he seemed so familiar. Practically everyone knew him, and he knew everyone too. He'd often greet people who didn't think he knew they existed and was always extra kind which combined with his captain status led to his immense popularity.

“The grumpy one next to me is Minho,” he pointed to the currently sleeping figure in the passenger's seat.

“Hey! I’m not grumpy!”

Well. Looks like he wasn't asleep after all.

“I'm Jisung,” the cheerful boy in front of you chimed as he turned around and gave you a big smile.

“And I'm Hyunjin.”

“Um, well...I'm Y/N,” you winced at how awkward you sounded but luckily, they didn't seem to mind as they all giggled.

“We know,” came Minho's curt reply, “Jeongin wouldn't shut up about you.”

“Ouch,” Minho screeched as Jeonging threw his shoe at him.

The rest of the car ride went rather smoothly, other than the occasional bickering of the guys but you honestly didn't mind. It was kind of comforting to just let go of everything and laugh along. It surprised you how nice they were, you kind of imagined them as selfish pricks but that clearly wasn't the case.

At one point, Hyunjin and Jisung started arguing over which color uniform they should wear for the match. You watched with a hint of amusement, that was until they turned to you for help.

“But look, if we choose the red one, Chan will be able to live out his dream as Christiano Bangnaldo,” Jisung pleaded as Chan let out an embarrassed chuckle.

“Christiano Bangnaldo? Wow, I'm wheezing.”

“Exactly,” Hyunjin cut you guys off, “that's why we should choose the blue one, it goes better with my skin tone.”

“Oi, nobody cares about your damn skin tone, I want to see Christiano Bangnaldo,” Minho stated loudly, completely shutting up the younger two. Welp, seems like it was decided. What Minho wants, Minho gets.

After you finally arrived at the dimly lit school stadium, you made your way out of the car as Jeongin held the door open for you. Smiling, you thanked him for the kind gesture before finally looking around. And your socks were pretty much blown off.

Now you were wondering, why you never came here before. The field was slowly starting to fill with other students slash players but that didn't manage to hide the undeniable beauty of this place. The bleachers were surprisingly clean, unlike most high school stadiums. The dim lights cast a nice glow over the stadium, giving it a really homey feel. You looked around in awe, still surprised by the atmosphere of this place.

“Have you ever been here during the night?” a lean figure stood behind you, observing you and effectively cutting off your train of thought.

“Nope. This is the first time,” you breathed out.

“That's what I thought. It looks completely different when it's dark,” he chuckled, turning around to head to the locker rooms.

“So... I have to head back so we can all change. You can take a seat wherever you want, I'd recommend the first row,” he winked cheekily, accompanying the gesture with a throaty laugh.

You blushed at that, choosing to snuggle into your shirt, to hide your embarrassment. How could he be so cheesy so casually? He must have noticed your slight shiver as he slipped out of his varsity jacket.

Before you could even protest, he had already placed the jacket around your shoulders, patting your head. You opened your mouth to object but he cut you off, “it's ok Y/N, I’m not gonna need it anyways. And by the way...thank you for coming, I really appreciate it.”

You smiled, realizing that something that seemed so pointless, so small could mean so much to someone else. He seemed genuinely excited to have someone cheering for him, even if he had tens of fangirls doing just that. You huffed in the chilly wind, lifting your head up to gaze at him.

“No problem Jeongin, I'm happy I came.”

Something about how he smiled at you, stirred your insides, made your heart skip a beat. Your eyes trailed after him, lingering on his receding figure. You didn't look away until he stepped into the locker room, the door pretty much obstructing your gaze and snapping you out of this trance.

Looking around, you could sense that the stadium was slowly filling up. If you wanted to have a seat, you would have to be quick. You ran down to the first row seats but with a sigh realized that most of them were already taken. You were about to give up and run up to find a spot in the next row but a sharp tug on your sleeve stopped you.

Turning around, you spotted a boy, maybe a year or two older than you, looking at you with a curious face. You tried to pry out of his hold, tugging on your hand but he didn't let go. Right when you were about to scream, he finally spoke, “are you Jeongin's friend? We saved you a seat,” he motioned to the spot next to him.

“How the hell do you know that?” you asked, confusion evident.

“Well,” he chuckled, “the jacket…”

Oh. right. You were wearing Jeongin's varsity jacket. You almost forgot.

“So… are you and Jeongin-”

“No,” you cut him off before he could even finish the sentence, “I'm a friend of a friend who couldn't make it today so I came instead.”

“Oh, you see - I thought, Hyunjin said-” he suddenly stopped, not bothering to continue, instead opting to tug you down to sit next to him.

“Watch,” was all he said.

You sat there obediently, watching the game and occasionally cheering Jeongin on, whenever he passed the ball or attempted to score. He was really good, especially considering that he was the youngest on the team.

During the less intense parts of the game, you made small talk with the boy next to you. He introduced himself as Jinyoung. He was the captain of the lacrosse team and a good friend of Chan and Hyunjin. You found out that as a captain, he would attend almost all the other sports events that his friends partook in, claiming it to be common courtesy.

Both of you refocused your attention on the game. Your team seemed to be on the offensive again, Hyunjin passing the ball to Jisung, who maneuvered around one of the opposing team’s defenders before eventually passing to Minho.

Just when he was about to kick it, another leg appeared from the side, tripping him and making him fall flat on his face. He managed to at least stick out his hands so they would take the brunt of the fall but he struggled to get up on his feet.

Before the other boy could get away with the ball, the referee blew the whistle, signalizing a foul and stopping the game.

“What happened? Is he ok?” you asked, frantically scrambling up and leaning into the field from behind the barrier.

“Don't worry,” Jinyoung chuckled, “he'll be fine. They'll probably be getting a penalty kick. And I bet you a hundred bucks that Jeongin will be the one to take the shot.”

“Wait really? Is he that good?” you surprisedly inquired.

“Yeah, he's the best shot on the team.”

Now you were excited. You heard that he was good but never realized to what extent.

Jinyoung was right. You could see the coach huddled with the players in a circle, probably talking strategy or something before Chan patted Jeongin on the back. They all withdrew from the group circle leaving Jeongin to stand in front of the ball and the other team's goalkeeper to hunch down in preparation for the kick.

The referee blew the whistle, signalizing the resuming of the game. Jeongin took a few steps back before bursting into a run, kicking the ball into the upper left corner with utmost control.

You all stood up in anticipation, the kick seeming almost as if in slow motion, you could see the goalkeeper jump to his left, desperate to catch the ball before it landed in the net but his attempt was futile.

The kick he delivered was far too good to be caught, the expert technique and control visible to any onlooker. Paired with a huge roar of applause, you could all see the ball land in the goal with a thud.

Everyone erupted in cheers, including you and the atmosphere was great. You could see a few photographers who probably worked for the local sports columns, their cameras clicking like crazy, trying to capture the moment of glory of this young high schooler.

All of his teammates pulled Jeongin into a collective embrace, Chan slipping off his goalkeeper gloves before hoisting the boy on his shoulder.

In the heat of the moment, Jeongin looked through the spectators, trying to find the person that came to watch him. When he spotted you, cheering him on with a big grin, he couldn't help the fond smile from appearing. After he finally caught your gaze, he shot you a friendly wink, laughing at your flustered reaction.

“Wow, just friends you say,” Jinyoung teased, witnessing the whole exchange.

“Oh shut up! We met like a week ago.”

***

Fast forward to the end of the match. You guys won two to none, the second goal scored by Minho with the assistance of Jeongin and Hyunjin. Everyone was excited, the adrenalin and momentum of the game still hasn't passed. The smell of sweat and coke (coca-cola!) heavy in the air as you sat with the team on the benches and reminiscenced the game.

“Jeongin! That goal of yours was really great, you had so much control over the ball. All those hours of practice have paid off!”

Jeongin shyly hid his face, all the praise from his captain making him feel fuzzy from the inside.

“Yeah, everyone in the bleachers froze in anticipation when you kicked the ball,” you chimed in, feeling the need to join the praise bandwagon for the boy, “it was really cool.”

After that, Jeongin continued to receive pats on the back from fellow teammates, a few coaches, and random people that you didn't even know who came to congratulate him on his flawless playing today.

Overall, everyone had a great time. The stars were out and you all just wanted to soak up the atmosphere. So this is what having a social life during your teenage years meant? It made you wonder, how much were you missing out on. You wished time would just freeze, allowing you to live in this moment forever. You were gonna have to thank Seungmin for this later.

Jeongin, who was seated next to you must have noticed you zoning out. He placed his palm on your shoulder and asked, “are you ok Y/N? Do you want us to take you home?”

You blinked. Once. Twice. And only after the third time did you realize, that you still haven’t answered his question. You smiled before letting the reassuring words slip out of your mouth, “I'm fine. Great actually. Can't remember when was the last time I had so much fun.”

He sighed in relief, glad that you were having fun. From what he could tell (and from what Seungmin told him) you didn't have many friends nor did you hang out with people. The only person you considered a friend was Seungmin and he wasn't exactly a social butterfly himself, opting to study in most of his free time.

All of you ended up chatting until nine pm, completely forgetting about the time and simply enjoying yourselves. You checked your phone at nine-thirty, gasping in shock at the time.

“Everything ok?” Chan asked with concern.

“Um, yeah. Just didn’t realize it was so late. I should probably get going,” you muttered nervously, picking up all your belongings and shoving them into your bag.

“Oh right, it's quite late already. We'll give you a ride, right Chan?” Jeongin turned to his captain.

“Of course. Let's all get going. Chop chop. C'mon Hyunjin, you can tell them about your skincare routine next time,” he pulled the whining boy away from his third victim today.

You packed yourselves into the van, the seating arrangements only slightly different from on your way here. Hyunjin must have been still pissed at Chan for cutting his skincare speech short because he wouldn't shut up about it on the way to the parking lot. He kept going on and on about how moisturizing is important, even if you have oily skin. The captain dismissed his rant with a laugh and started the engine as the complaining boy sat down in the passenger seat.

At some point, Into the unknown came on shuffle and all the boys except Jeongin started singing. You burst out in laughter at their failed attempts at singing the high notes, seeing Jeongin hide his face in embarrassment.

“Guys! Come on, stop it,” he pleaded but the older boys only smirked in response and started singing even louder. By now, you were dying from laughing so hard, Jeongin having to pat your back aggressively so you won't choke on your own spit.

After they got bored of singing, you became their main talking point and they kept asking you borderline intrusive questions until Jeongin told them off, seeing how you turned slightly uneasy. Because of the typical Saturday evening traffic, you ended up falling asleep on the shoulder of a slightly pink Jeongin. He became super nervous once he realized you weren't awake and tried his best not to move and to hold you steady on every speed bump.

It took about fifteen more minutes for you guys to arrive in front of your place. Chan parked on the street and turned to say goodbye.

“Thanks for coming, Y/N. We're glad you came. Hope you had fun too,” he smiled, his dimples making an appearance.

“Jeongin especially,” Jisung whispered not-so-quietly and squeaked from the death glare Chan shot him.

You laughed softly, your cheeks bunching up as you waved them goodbye.

When you were laying in bed, your mind wandered off to today's events. As much as you didn't want to admit it, Seungmin was right. You really enjoyed yourself.

***

It was a sunny Monday morning when you were walking up the steps to your school entrance. You spent the rest of the weekend thinking about the Saturday game, not yet sure, how you felt about this newfound hobby. Maybe you should really spend more time with people. You also washed up Jeongin's varsity jacket that you forgot to return on Saturday evening.

You held the paper bag containing the washed piece of clothing in your right hand as you pushed the entrance door with your left. It felt all too easy, almost as if the door opened on its own. And you realized that no, you didn't grow stronger from that one arm toning workout you did yesterday as you saw a veiny hand press into the glass.

You turned to face that mystery person, only to sigh in relief as you were left face to face with Chan.

“Oh, hello,” you smiled, greeting him rather timidly. Because let's face it - you weren't exactly sure if they even considered you a friend. You were just some random girl that came to their soccer game.

Thankfully, he seemed to consider you a friend too as he gave you his dimpled smile, “hey Y/N, how was your weekend?”

“It was pretty good. I had lots of fun on Saturday and yesterday I just chilled,” you beamed.

“Same here,” he laughed, “we all pretty much passed out when we got home- oh shoot, the bell's off, I have to get to class. See you around.”

With a simple wave, he dashed out of your sight, turning around the corner to climb up the stairs to his classroom. You then remembered that you too had class and if you didn't wanna be late, you'd have to make a dash for it too.

***

It was during lunch break that you remembered that you had to return Jeongin his jacket. You nervously walked to his homeroom, anxious about what was going to happen. Will he think you're weird for coming to his class? Will he be embarrassed when you come up to him in front of all his friends? You sighed as you entered the classroom. It seemed like nobody noticed you at first, everyone was way too immersed with their own stuff. You could see that they all got along, the room booming with chatter and laughter.

Jeongin's table was near the window, a girl's chair turned to face him as they both engaged in a conversation. You awkwardly shuffled a few meters away, not wanting to interrupt. It was a truly wrecking moment, you even considered just turning around and disappearing without a trace but Jeongin noticed you and gave you a wide smile.

“Hey Y/N. What brings you here?”

You stood there for a few seconds before you finally remembered, what you came for. “Umm, hi. Just wanted to return this,” you handed him the bag, “I washed it and everything. Thanks for borrowing it.”

His eyes flashed in recognition after he peeked into the bag and he immediately returned the bag to your hand.

“It's fine,” he mumbled with slightly rosy cheeks (not that you noticed), “you can have it, I don't mind.”

You stared at him in shock, mouth slightly agape to which he awkwardly laughed. You were about to protest but the bell rang and Jeongin muttered that you should better get back to class.

You nodded in embarrassment, not even being able to look him in the eye as you hastily waved and ran out of the classroom.

You were mentally beating yourself up for that, you should have never come to his class, he must have been embarrassed that someone like you came to his class, everyone was probably used to him hanging around popular people like that girl he was talking to.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. You stuffed the paper bag with his jacket into your backpack, what were you even supposed to do with it - did he not hear that you washed it or something?

When you arrived home, you hung the jacket on one of the hooks near the door and headed to your room to get some homework done.

Three

It was a few months later that you and Jeongin officially became friends. During that time, the both of you hung out a lot more, courtesy of Seungmin and the rest of the soccer team who thought the two of you made great friends. It started out simple at first: getting coffee together, working on homework, and cursing that physics assignment you both had no clue how to finish.

Times like these made you realize how much of a fun person Jeongin was. There was never a dull moment around him yet despite his easygoing and fun nature, you noticed he preferred to keep to himself, only hanging out with his closest circle of friends. A category which you seemed to now fall under too.

Despite all your anxiousness about whether you were even “worthy” (as some would say) of being his friend, Jeongin always told you that he didn't care if you weren't labeled as popular by the rest of the student body.

“Y/N, we've had this conversation many times already. I really couldn't care less that you aren't a popular cheerleader and don't have Gucci bags,” he smiled, pushing a stray strand of hair that fell in front of your face, behind your ear.

“I know, I know. Sorry Jeongin, I know you aren't like that. I just get really anxious when those kids bury me with their gazes when I dare look at you.”

“Look, if anyone is bothering you, please tell me ok? I'll talk to them. I don't want you to suffer from being my friend,” he smiled, waving the waitress over to order for you guys.

“Don't worry, Jeongin. I promise I will,” you smiled, turning back to your physics workbook. The homework was on magnetic motors or something like that and you had no clue how to do it.

“Umm, do you know the answer to question three?” you asked, chewing on your bottom lip.

“Nope. I fell asleep during that class,” he admitted with a chuckle.

“Oh come on. You can't do that. You should pay attention.”

“Like you paid any,” he pointed, taking a sip of his lemonade.

“Excuse me!” you gasped, “I did pay attention. I just didn't understand any of it. That's different.”

“Hmm. It sure is.”

Four

You were leaning over the sink in your bathroom, blood and flower petals splattered all over as you tried your best to get it all out of your throat. The petals were bright yellow. Sunflower petals.

How ironic, you thought. Sunflowers represented adoration, longevity, and pure thoughts. Just like how you felt towards Jeongin. And how he'd never feel towards you.

You bit back a sob as you choked on even more of the soft petals. In a sense, you were quite lucky - had you been coughing up any other flower (especially roses), it would probably hurt way more. But that still didn't mean that it wasn't painful. Your breath heaved as you tried your best to take deep breaths, your constricted lungs filled with petals, not exactly helping.

You have been suffering from the hanahaki disease for a few weeks now. You always thought it was a myth from the internet, never once have you expected to run to the bathroom at three am to hurl petals into the sink. It started slowly at first. You'd only cough out some petals and drops of blood, but it got progressively worse.

You'd have days that you wouldn't be able to even get out of bed with the exhaustion you felt. All you wanted to do was sleep and forget about the cute boy with dimples. But no, you could never be angry at Jeongin. He was an absolute sweetheart who was nothing but kind to everybody. You couldn't exactly blame him for being around other people. That's right, you didn't know if they were dating but he seemed to hang around this girl called Lia a lot recently, the one he was talking to months prior. They seemed to be good friends too, apparently knowing each other for years now. You tried your best to suppress the jealousy that was rising in you, along with the petals.

You quickly turned back to the sink, just in time for it to catch the new batch of bloodied petals. Even thinking about her made your heart ache and you absolutely despised yourself for that. Lia was nothing but a sweet girl that always smiled at you in the hallway and occasionally made small talk with you.

***

A week later you were walking down the corridor, looking for the vending machine. It seems like they recently moved it from its original location, in front of the lab. You turned around the corner, your eyes bulging out of your skull at what you saw.

Jeongin and Lia were hunched near the lockers, whispering and giggling at something. He said something, making the girl shake her head in denial as he arched his brow. You couldn't watch anymore, quickly running back and abandoning your original plan of finding the vending machine and instead, running to the bathroom. You slammed the door shut, flinging yourself over the toilet as you vomited heaps of the yellow petals, this time mixed with some green leaves and stems. This was by far the worst case, you have never thrown up green before.

You wiped your dry lips, attempting to take deep breaths and calm your heart. It was horrible what seeing the two together did to you. You couldn't believe you lost control like that only a few meters away from him. What would happen if he saw you?

You had to suppress it. He could never find out.

***

It was a truly painful day. Tomorrow was Valentine's Day and you could see all the stores decorated with pinks and reds, hearts everywhere, and signs welcoming couples with tempting discounts.

Your stomach did flips as you walked the path to the school door. It hurt. It hurt so fucking much. You contemplated calling sick the next day and not going to school at all, but you had an important paper to hand in and the professor was especially grumpy and wanted it on his desk on that particular day.

You trudged up the steps with a frown, when you heard your name being called.

“Hey, Y/N,” Chan called after you, running up the stairs to catch up.

“Oh hey, Chan,” you mumbled, mustering up your best fake smile but he still managed to see through it.

“Is everything ok?” he asked, obviously concerned.

“Yeah, just a little tired,” you dismissed, leaving him and running towards your locker.

Good job Y/N, you groaned, now you can't even hang out with your other friends.

You spent the rest of the day avoiding the whole group, trying your best to overpower the need to throw up petals. You didn't want to repeat the previous incident in school. Jeongin must have by now noticed how distant you were. He probably thought you hated him by how you kept avoiding him for the past month.

He probably wanted to ask you to come to his game tomorrow which you sure as hell weren't planning to attend. On top of the fact that you could literally shower the whole stands with petals, it was also going to be Valentine's day and there was no telling if the boy was going to ask Lia out or something like that.

And your heart wouldn't be able to handle that.

You ran home after your last period. Your stomach growled at the lack of lunch but you figured it was better than running into one of them.

You stomped into the bathroom, not even taking off your shoes as you threw up into the bin. There was more blood today. There was no telling of what would happen tomorrow, the romantic atmosphere would probably only serve as a bitter reminder of your broken heart.

You wiped your lips, deciding that taking a shower would be in your best interest. After that, you sat by your desk and made some finishing touches to the essay due tomorrow.

Maybe you would just come to turn it in and then dip…

***

You woke up with a strangled cry, the dream you had still playing in your head. With a groan you slumped out of bed, ready to prepare for the day but to your horror, you realized that you overslept. You had approximately ten minutes before you had to leave. You brushed your teeth, shoved some toast down your throat, and gathered your things. With a sense of urgency, you threw on jeans, a blouse, and some sneakers, not feeling like dressing up.

You had to leave immediately. Like now. You grabbed your backpack, quickly checking the essay was there, took your keys off the hook, and grabbed the first jacked you could find. It was dark blue (and very soft) meaning it would match almost anything you had on and since the weather was chilly, you wouldn't want to risk catching a cold.

Running out the door, you pulled it on and slung the backpack on your shoulder, running to the bus stop. Only then did you notice the engraved initials YJ on the sleeve and cursed yourself for bringing the wrong one. You would have taken it off right away if it wasn't for the blasting AC.

You stomped up the chairs, annoyance coursing through your veins. This day couldn't get any worse. Still thinking about leaving after handing in the assignment, you almost avoided going to your locker but remembered the jacket. You'd just drop it in and head to the professor's office.

You dug around for your keys until you finally found them in the bottom of your backpack. You slid it in the keyhole and opened the locker.

You were surprised by a giant teddy plushie and a box of chocolates. Your eyes widened in surprise before you heard a loud “surprise”.

Turning around, you were face to face with a grinning Jeongin. He stood over you with a large bouquet of beautiful sunflowers and the rest of the team, Lia, and Seungmin were all behind him cheering and throwing confetti.

To say that you were in shock would be a massive understatement. The look of utter confusion must have been plastered on your face as Jeongin smiled and handed you the bouquet.

“For me?”

He nodded slowly, examining your expression. You took the flowers from him, lowering your head to smell them.

“No one's ever given me something like this before,” you croaked, tears beginning to well in your eyes.

Jeongin nervously stood there before grabbing your hand and looking you in the eyes.

“Y/N, we've been friends for some time now but I wanted to ask you… Will you be my valentine?”

“Of course I will,” you whispered, almost jumping at him and swallowing him in a bone-crushing hug.

“I've liked you for some time now,” you admitted after a while, burying your head into his chest and enjoying the sudden way you seemed to breathe easier, not feeling the itchy petals in your throat anymore.

“Same here,” he laughed.

“Wait really? Since when?” you asked perplexed.

“Since I gave you my jacket,” he grinned, “I'm glad to see that you're making proper use of it.”

“Come on everybody, let's leave them alone,” Chan hollered, dragging everybody away to give you guys some privacy.

“I'm sorry if it seemed like I was avoiding you for the past week. I was planning with Lia on how to do, how to do all of this, you know,” he pointed at all the gifts he got you.

“Thank you,” you smiled again, “I really appreciate it Jeongin.”

“Do you want to come to the game today? I'd introduce you to all my other friends.”

“I'd love to.”

He seemed to be thinking about something, his nose scrunching up before he looked at you and placed his hands on your waist.

You peered at him through your lashes as he slowly leaned down, pressing his plush lips to yours and sealing them into a kiss. You closed your eyes, leaning down to get even closer to him as you gripped his shirt for support. The kiss was short but sweet and you were startled apart by a loud wolf whistle.

You turned around, cheeks burning in embarrassment at Jisung doing kissy faces and Hyunjin laughing in the background. You almost jumped away and Jeongin just chuckled.

“The game starts two hours after school. Do you want to go on like a proper date before that?”

“Sure,” you smiled, “I should probably get going, I have to submit this essay,” you waved the piece of paper that counted for nearly half of your final grade for the quarter.

“Don't forget the flowers,” he pointed to the bouquet.

“About that, maybe I should leave it in my locker. You know - to not start anything,”

“Y/N,” he said with a serious tone, “I don't care what the others think. They'll know by the evening anyways.”

You were startled at first, but then realized that he was right. No more caring about what others thought about you.

Now it was just you and Jeongin. You liked the sound of that.

“Okay,” you smiled, picking up the flowers, “I'll meet you at two in front of the lockers.”

With a smile, you walked in the direction of your classroom. After weeks of pain and sorrow, you finally felt like everything fell into place.

***

a/n: aaaaaaah. idk why all my oneshots so far are for jeongin but nvm. hope you liked it. it couldn't resist the idea of soccer player jeongin ;)

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thatringboy · 3 years

Note

Ganqing getting together Idol au? (Extra: Hanahaki disease and angsty, only if you want. Otherwise, fluff or angst or whatever is fine.)

Just idol au with genshin characters, doesn't have to be anything in particular

ohmygods this one took so long to write and it was so worth it! love me some good angst and hanahaki disease up in this house!!!

Glaze Lilies in my Throat

Warnings: Hanahaki Disease, Blood, Hospitals

Characters: Keqing, Ganyu, Ningguang, Beidou

Ships: Gangqing, Background Beiqquang if you squint

Word Count: 12,758 (FIVE pages of google docs!)

Summary: Idol!Keqing finds herself falling fast and hard for her fellow dancer, Ganyu, but her pride keeps her from admitting her feelings. Until the petals in her throat start taking a toll on her career

The first time the purple haired girl noticed the petals, she just thought that they had fallen off of a bouquet she had received from a fan. Keqing assumed her throat was sore from the show she had completed, so she popped a cough drop in her mouth and quickly changed to head to dinner with the other girls in the group.

The restaurant they were at wasn’t anything too fancy, just a small hole in the wall place for their group, the Qixing, to meet up. The group’s center, Ningguang, knew the owner and was able to order milkshakes for everyone for free.

It was a pleasant outing. Keqing sat near the window side of the booth the women shared and quietly sipped her vanilla milkshake while the other members of the group discussed their performances. Ganyu slid into the seat next to her and pushed a straw into her own chocolate shake.

“Is everything alright? You look lost in thought, Miss Keqing.”

There was a sudden tightness in her throat, or something became lodged in her airways because Keqing began to cough into her elbow. “My apologies, I was just staring off into space. I am quite alright.”

Ganyu gave her a pleasant smile that made heat rise in her cheeks before turning to the rest of the group to join their conversation. Keqing quickly looked away and her eyes fell to her lap where the blue petals had fallen off of her sleeve. They were identical to the petals she had seen earlier that evening. Keqing was no fool, she instantly recognized what had brought the flowers and her eyes shifted back to Ganyu, who was laughing at Ningguang and her chocolate moustache.

She brushed the petals onto the floor with a cold expression. Out of sight, out of mind.

The petals plagued Keqing for a few more months after that night. They always appeared when Ganyu was near her, but all the idol did was tuck them away and began keeping a handkerchief on her person for when the blood started to come up with the flowers. She became used to the tightness of her throat and dryness of her mouth that accompanied her beating heart when Ganyu would clasp her hand between those slender fingers and stare at her with those large eyes. Everytime Keqing thought she would collapse from exhaustion, Ganyu would be there to pick her up and tell her to keep going. How could she not fall for such kindness?

After the petals began appearing, Keqing only allowed herself to be alone with Ganyu once in fear of making her feelings known. It was after a particularly long dance rehearsal and the other women left before they did. As they were cleaning up the practice room, a small photo fell out of Ganyu’s bag.

Keqing moved to pick it up, turning the paper over in her fingers. In the photo was a baby Ganyu sitting on the lap of an elegant woman with blue eyes and had her hair pinned up by an eerily familiar flower.

“Who is this woman?”

Ganyu glanced over at the picture. “My, that’s an old picture. I’ve told you how I was adopted as a child, right? That woman was my adoptive mother, Guizhong.”

“Was?” Keqing handed the photo back.

“Yes, was. She was a botanist who loved flowers. That one in her hair is a species she selectively bred for years before perfecting them. We called them ‘Glaze Lilies’. She was killed in a hit and run when I was twelve.”

So the flowers have a name. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

Ganyu gave her a sweet smile. “Don’t be, she’s always with me, I can feel her guiding me.”

Keqing turned away before the blush could overtake her face and swallowed down the petals in her mouth. So cute!

The first time a blue bud appeared was during a meeting with her manager and Ningguang, who was also the owner of the group. Keqing shifted uncomfortably in her chair as the manager and albino woman looked over a report of her performances.

Ningguang cleared her throat. “Keqing, you know how much we love to have you in the group…”

Keqing felt the familiar tightness in her throat. She sat still and tried to swallow it down as Ningguang continued.

“However, your ratings have been going down recently. You have been leaving rehearsals early, and we’ve noticed the quality of your performances is suffering.”

Slowly, Keqing reached into the pocket of her skirt for a handkerchief as she felt the petals rise back up. Don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic.

The manager made a sad face. “Keqing… if things don’t change, then we may need to replace you. You’ve worked so hard to get where you are now, I really don’t want to do this, but if you can’t put your previous energy into this work then maybe we need to go separate ways.”

Panic.

“No, no, I can do it!” Opening her mouth to protest was a bad idea. As soon as the words spilled from her lips, she doubled over in a fit of coughs, the scent of blood filling the room. Something larger than her usual petals dislodged itself from her throat and fell onto the floor between her and her bosses.

An unbloomed Glaze Lily pod with specks of blood tainting the innocent color bounced on the carpet and rolled next to Ningguang’s foot. She looked at Keqing’s face in horror. “Keqing…”

The purple haired girl got to her feet, covering her mouth with the tiny piece of fabric and bowed quickly, moving towards the door. “I-I’m sorry, I promise to get to practice on time and I will get my ratings back up!”

She only took two steps before falling to her knees in another fit of coughing. This time it was two pods, one halfway blooming. Ningguang called for the manager to call an ambulance before rushing to Keqing’s side, rubbing a soothing hand across her back.

The next few hours were a blur. Keqing barely remembers an ambulance arriving, being carted away with a tube down her throat, a couple doctors examining her before letting her rest. When she became coherent, Keqing was able to sit up despite the oxygen tube in her nose and became aware of a doctor waiting for her.

“Miss Keqing, how are you feeling?”

She opened her mouth to talk, but it was the most sore it had ever felt. She tapped her neck to let the doctor know her speech status. He nodded and produced a pen and pad for her to write on.

“I feel terrible, but not like I’m about to die.”

He read over the paper. “Are you aware of what The Hanahaki Disease is?”

“Of course.” She penned down.

“How long have you been in this predicament?” His calm eyes went back to the pad.

Keqing thought for a second before writing again. “Five months.”

“Five months.” He read outloud softly. “Do you know who brought the flowers to you?”

“No.” She lied. She had known from the very beginning, but a glance out of the glass window of the room’s door revealed that her entire group was anxiously waiting outside. There was no need to drag anyone else into her problem.

The doctor took a deep breath. “Miss Keqing, you are aware of what the removal of the flowers entails if you cannot find the person responsible for these feelings, correct?”

“Yes.” Loss of the memories of that person. From beyond the door, Ganyu peeked through the window with a worried expression. Behind her was Ningguang frantically pointing at her head with wide eyes and her lips in a thin, focused line. The doctor followed Keqing’s eyes to the door and as he did, Ningguang instantly stopped and went back to looking as regal as ever.

The doctor chuckled dryly. “You know, I can’t do my job if you lie to me.”

He got up and moved to let Ganyu into the room as Keqing began to scribble down words in a panic. The doctor opened the door and gestured to the chair beside the bed before shutting the door behind the other idol. Ganyu nervously sat down and Keqing stopped writing, not meeting her eyes.

Ganyu reached out to touch Keqing’s hand, but stopped. “We were all so worried when Miss Ningguang told us you had been hospitalized. I’m not sure what I would have done if something had happened--” She caught Keqing staring at her with wide eyes and silenced herself with the lightest shade of pink dusting her cheeks.

Keqing pulled her knees to her chest to have a hard surface to write on. “Did she tell you what I have?”

Ganyu shook her head. “No, but Miss Ningguang gave a weird look.”

Ah, the ever observant Ningguang and the blissfully unaware Ganyu. She scratched down another sentence. “There’s something I should probably tell you…”

Ganyu read the notepad, whispering the words to herself in that way that made Keqing fall harder and nodded. “I’m all ears, err, eyes?”

Keqing flipped to a new page. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and her hands shook a little. She was a fool for even considering having the flowers removed surgically. She held the pen over the paper and began writing everything down. From the night at the milkshake bar, the petals in her throat being the same kind of flowers Ganyu’s mother made, how Ganyu’s smile made her heart flutter and her stomach twist in a way that she never wanted to end. The flowers had stolen her voice, so she wrote it all, pouring her heart into every word like the disease would kill her that very night.

When she finished, Keqing quickly shoved the notepad to Ganyu and turned away with a red face, not wanting to see the other’s reaction to the written love confession.

Ganyu read every word slowly, tears pooling in her blue and purple eyes and blush burning her cheeks at the raw emotions before her. When she finished, she simply held out her free hand for the pen, which Keqing practically threw at her. She wanted her bedsheets to swallow her up like that scene from Nightmare on Elm Street.

The blue haired woman wrote something quickly and handed both the pen and pad back to Keqing. She took it and read over the short message left at the bottom of her confession.

“I feel the same way.”

In an instant, Keqing felt her throat open and she took a loud gulp of air, making Ganyu jump in surprise. Keqing began to laugh as she grabbed Ganyu’s wrist and pulled her onto the bed and into a tight hug. “Yes yes yes yes yes! I can finally breathe!”

She realized how close Ganyu’s face was to her own and let go quickly, the color returning to her face ten-fold. “Sorry about that.”

Ganyu remained sitting on the bed, covering her face in her own hands. “It’s fine, really!”

“Hah! What a couple of dorks!” Called a deep voice from the doorway.

The two on the bed snapped their heads towards the sound to see Ningguang grabbing the intruder, a tall burly woman with an eyepatch, by her ear and dragging her out of the room. “Out with you! I called you here to provide moral support, not gawk at my dancers!”

Ganyu giggled. “That’s Miss Beidou for you, I suppose.”

Keqing looked at the discarded notepad and those five words scrawled in neat handwriting.

“I feel the same way.”

Keqing is a woman of sound mind. She thinks through her actions and keeps to herself when situations do not concern her. She keeps her head down and doesn’t make rash decisions. So of course she surged forward to plant a kiss on Ganyu’s cheek before pulling back in horror of her own actions and covering her lips with her hand.

Ganyu turned red as her hand went up to touch the spot Keqing had kissed. “That was sweet, thank you.”

“You said on the paper that you feel the same way I do about you so I just thought--” Her panicked rambling was silenced by Ganyu moving closer to her and gently pulling her hands from her mouth with a nervous smile.

“I’m not very good with words like you, Miss Keqing, so sorry that my confession was so bland.”

Keqing blinked. “That’s what you’re caught up on?! And enough with the formalities, you just cured my Hanahaki Disease and saved me from getting fired!”

“Wait, fired? I thought Miss Ningguang pulled you into the manager’s office yesterday for tea… were you about to be let go?”

“Probably!”

Ganyu playfully poked Keqing’s oxygen tube in her nose. “Then the flowers did you a favor.”

“THEY WERE THE REASON I WASN’T PERFORMING WELL IN THE FIRST PLACE!”

The blue haired woman took Keqing’s hands again. “And now they’re gone, for good this time?”

Keqing blinked once more. “‘This time’? What do you mean, ‘this time’--!”

Ganyu panicked and surged forward to kiss her. Keqing, not believing what was happening, halted all protests and sunk into it, ignoring the plastic tube in her nose and letting the scent of vanilla fill her senses.

When they broke away, it felt like an eternity had passed, but it wasn’t long enough, so they kissed again, and again and again until they were panting for air and the doctor returned with an amused smile. All thoughts slipped from Keqing’s usually buzzing mind and she found herself only focusing on the woman before her; the one she cared so much about for so long that flowers bloomed in her throat. With Ganyu by her side, Keqing didn’t have a care in the world. With Ganyu by her side, Keqing knew she was going to be just fine.

#blip blip did anyone catch that potentially extra angsty line from ganyu before they started kissing?#but holy shit this was long #asks #genshin impact #genshin impact asks #writing requests #writing #requests #keqing #ganyu #keqing x ganyu #ganqing #angst #fluff #sfw

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softjaehyvn · 4 years

Text

when i leave

pairing ;; jung jaehyun x reader (main focus) ; johnny x reader

special guests ;; kim yugyeom (got7) , jeon jungkook (bts) , kim mingyu (seventeen) , lee taeyong , ten lee

genre ;; hanahaki au , angst & fluff

warnings ;; alcohol / drinking , character deaths , cheating

synopsis ;; your grandmother had warned you about it - the hanahaki disease. where the ill person coughs up petals if their love towards someone is unrequited. and of course you had to fall in love with the one person, jaehyun, a stranger, who managed to help you through the rough break-up with youngho. however, he as well had his secrets - just like youngho had them.

word count ;; 9.8k

note ;; this was requested back on my other blog! part of the collab with @hangsxng, also happy jaehyun day !!

It was only a short video that you had received from your older brother Taeyong, where he filmed your boyfriend talking about you in a drunk state. You couldn’t believe what he was saying there.

“You know, I never loved her. She was so innocent and sweet, she just fell for me”, he giggled, grabbing his cup and taking a sip from it. “She’s so stupid.” Everyone around started laughing; you just stared on your phone as the video ended, getting up and packing your stuff.

You waited for a bit. You wanted to ask him yourself if he meant what he said. Even though he probably would be drunk, you still waited for him.

“Hey Y/N”, he greeted you, definitely sobered up; you noticed that from the way he was talking to you. It felt like you couldn’t breathe for a minute.

“What’s up?”, he asked as he saw your tensed state. You just didn’t say anything but got up. You quickly left the place with your car’s keys.

Wiping the tears out of your eyes, you tried to focus on the road and drove around; not sure where exactly. Your mind was completely blurry and maybe it wasn’t the best idea to drive a car while being in this kind of stage. However, you managed to drive safely and not get into any accident.

You only had left your boyfriend of six months, Youngho; seeing that video of him saying that he only played around with you. How could you be so foolish? How could you trust someone who would betray you like this? You pulled off the car and stopped it quickly before you let out a loud sob. Why did he do this to you? What did you do to him that he decided to make fun of you?

He didn’t care about you the way you did about him. It was driving you crazy.

When you finally calmed down, you started your car and were about to drive off as someone knocked on your window. As you looked out, you saw a young man in front of you, motioning you to roll it down. When you did so, you quickly wiped your tears away again.

“Hey, are you okay? I saw that you were just here and was wondering if you were all right?”, he asked you and you chuckled. Even a stranger cared more about you than your ex did.

“I’m… okay”, you lied and smiled up to the guy but the smile didn’t reach your eyes and the stranger noticed that.

“Come on, don’t lie. I can see it when someone lies. First, come get out of the car”, he instructed you, moving a little out of the way so you would have enough space to open the car door.

The stranger closed the door as soon as you got out. You had no idea what the guy was planning to do. “Great. Now lock your car and let’s go”, he said. “I feel like you need some time out. I know a place where you can try to calm down.”

Should you trust him? You didn’t even know his name. As if he could feel your insecurities, he introduced himself to you; feeling stupid for not doing this earlier.

“I’m Jaehyun, by the way. I’m sorry if I made you feel uneasy. I really don’t want to do anything bad. I feel like you just need someone with you right now.”

You simply just nodded when you followed him the street along. For some reason, you felt comfortable around this guy. It was like you know him for ages. “Was there a reason why you wanted me to come with you?”, you randomly asked him while you continued walking side by side – there was just a small space between you.

“Actually, I was just walking around because I needed some fresh air after studying a lot when I saw you in your car crying”, he explained swiftly. Shortly after, Jaehyun stopped walking – you did the same as you looked around. You had arrived at some cliff type of thing – there was the big ocean in front of you, the sound of the waves crashing against the cliff.

“It’s so calm here… I like it here”, you mumbled. Somehow, this place seemed so familiar to you but you didn’t know why.

Then it hit you.

“I love you”, Youngho murmured. You two were lying on a blanket, facing each other. His fingers were slowly playing with your hair. Your eyes closed, you listened to Youngho say those sweet three words like he did the last two days ever since you two had confessed your feelings to each other; listened to the waves crash against the cliff.

“I love you, too. Idiot”, you laughed when he pushed you on your back and laid his body on yours. Youngho did his best not to lower his whole weight on your body. He once again was only looking into your eyes before he slowly leaned down and placed his lips on yours.

“Am I still an idiot?”, he asked when he finally lied down next to you again, looking at you, there was nothing but love in his gaze.

“Yes, but now, you’re my idiot”, you grinned and closed your eyes again.

“Everything alright?”, Jaehyun asked you when he realized that you were lost in thoughts. You lightly nodded but Jaehyun wasn’t that oblivious that he wouldn’t notice your teary eyes. “No, I don’t believe you. You wouldn’t be crying if everything was alright.”

You cursed yourself for being so bad at hiding your feelings, gulping before you finally spoke. “I’ve been at this place before.” Jaehyun looked at you confusedly.

“Seriously? Barely anyone knows about it. How come?”

“My ex brought me here once. We were lying on that exact spot together, it was only two days after he had confessed”, you briefly explained, not wanting to go into detail. It hurt you to talk about Youngho.

“I get it, you don’t want to talk about it. However, I hope that I’ll be able to distract you tonight a little”, Jaehyun told you. You didn’t reply anymore, however you decided to nod at least to give him any type of a response.

“You know, I just went through a rough break up as well, just recently”, Jaehyun suddenly said after a while you two sat on the cold stone. You two didn’t talk a lot, just sitting there. For some reason, you felt extremely calm and comfortable around him.

“Really?”, you chuckled. “Seems like we were destined to suffer.”

“Actually, in my case, she cheated on me. I caught her texting to another guy with hearts and ‘i love you’-s. I pretended like everything was alright. I even knew who the other guy was. He was one of my closest friends”, Jaehyun admitted.

“I’m sorry to hear that. It must’ve hurt to know that someone you trusted betrayed you like that”, you told him. He just chuckled and shook his head.

“No, it’s alright. It’s been a few weeks since I found out and I’m better now”, he smiled lightly. “I guess, someone just gets used to the fact that the relationship is over now. It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to, so… be patient. It’ll be better, Y/N.”

“I really hope the pain will stop soon, Jaehyun”, just a few seconds later, he heard a soft sob from you, immediately pulling you into his embrace and tried to comfort you as much as possible.

It was weird for you to feel so safe next to a stranger, but you admit that this was exactly what you needed today.

When it got darker, Jaehyun said that you should get going now. He escorted you to your car and even offered to drive you home but you declined. The male was a stranger after all. However, you still exchanged phone numbers and agreed on meeting up a few days later in a café in Itaewon.

As soon as you got out of the car, you started running to your brother’s apartment as it had started raining and opening the door with the spare he gave you. You rolled your eyes when you saw your brother with a girl on his lap and them making out heavily.

“Seriously?!”, your brother exclaimed. “Don’t you have your own apartment?”

“Don’t mind me, I’m going to my room. Have fun”, you said with a slightly disgusted look on your face as you went to your brother’s guest room and threw yourself on the bed. Before you had rented the apartment with Johnny, you lived here. This had been your bed and you had a few heated or romantic moments with your now ex-boyfriend on here. You remembered when he sneaked in to see you; now you knew better and knew that he only pretended to be excited to see you.

“Hey… what’s going on?”, your brother asked you and slowly entered your room. You turned around laughed.

“You look messed up, big bro”, you told him and he giggled; coming closer and sitting next to you. Taeyong slowly brushed over your hair, being the caring brother, he always had been. “Where is your girl?”

“Sent her away. I have a sister to take care of after all”, he said and opened up his arms, silently telling you to hug him. You loved this side of him. He always had shut everyone off just to take care of you; after all, you were the only family he had left. Your parents had passed away during a huge car accident. You two only had each other and he wouldn’t trade you for the world.

“You didn’t have to”, you said, feeling slightly bad for him that you interrupted him from his one-night stand.

“I did and we both know that. I can’t see you being sad and in a bad mood while I have my fun with a girl. That’s just not fair”, he told you and softly stroked through your hair. “What happened? Did… did you watch the video?” You only nodded and hugged your brother tighter; then you started crying and your body started shaking as you remembered beautiful things you experienced with Johnny one by one.

“He… why would he play me like this, Tae? What did I ever do? I did nothing else but loved him. I tried my best to make him feel better whenever he needed it. I tried to be the girl he wants me to be. But he just played me like that?”, you cried.

“It’s going to be okay, baby”, he mumbled softly and caressed your back, trying to comfort you as much as possible. “It’s going to be okay.”

It had been a few days since you had left your shared apartment with Johnny and moved in with your brother again. Taeyong had tried to distract you as much as possible by taking you out on random dinner dates with him, he paid for anything you wanted; it didn’t matter if it was clothes, food, or just you dyeing your hair into a random color (which turned out to be a darker blue; Taeyong dyed his hair into a similar color). He did everything to make you happy.

“Thank you so much, Tae”, you smiled and hugged him.

“Of course, love. Do you wanna go somewhere else?”, he asked you but you shook your head.

“No. You already spent so much money for me”, you told him. “I’ll just walk around a little and then I’ll come home, yeah?”

“Are you sure? Do you want me to come with you?”, he asked you worriedly, he didn’t want to leave you alone when you were in a bad state.

“No, thank you. I’ll just come home in a bit, yeah?”, you told him and smiled at him reassuringly. “I’ll come home in a bit.” You hugged him and he softly kissed you on your forehead.

“See you then.” He let go of you, taking all the bags full of clothes from your long shopping tour.

You didn’t think much before you just turned around and walked the whole way to your apartment with Johnny. As you were going there, you received a message with a picture. You were confused as you noticed that it was you and Taeyong right before you left him in the city.

You already got a new one? You’re quick, you little slut

You didn’t know who it was as you hadn’t saved the number. You ignored the message and just continued your way. As you finally arrived there, you took out the keys Johnny had given you just two months ago when you two moved in together. You couldn’t believe that it took him two months so take out his real face and you to find out that he was only playing around.

“Y/N? What the fuck are you doing here?”, Johnny yelled as you entered the apartment. You couldn’t believe what you were seeing there: a girl on his lap and them making out. You had no idea who it was; not that it mattered.

“The question is, what the fuck are you doing here?”, you asked him and pushed the girl away from him.

“Just partying around, the usual”, suddenly there was someone else in the background; it was Ten, one of Johnny’s friends.

“Shut up, Ten, I didn’t ask you”, you yelled. Then you glared at the girl. “And you get the fuck out of my apartment.”

“This isn’t only your apartment, Y/N. It is mine, too”, Johnny told you and came closer to you.

“Fuck you, Johnny. You don’t even care a little about me, why would you care about this fucking apartment?”, you exclaimed, going into your shared room and started to pack another bag full of clothes. He followed you.

“Did you really think I cared about you?”, he asked and laughed. “Did you think I cared about you? The truth is, I never loved you. I never did. I only did it to get into your pants. That’s everything.”

“So, you lied? Every single time you told me that you love me, you lied?”, you asked him; you tried your best to keep up your façade and tried to seem strong. You did your best not to start crying.

“That’s right, I lied. I lied every time”, he said, not daring to even blink.

“Great. Now you hurt me. Are you happy now? Huh? Does my fucking pain make you happy?!”, you started screaming and pushed him away with every single sentence as you finally broke down and started crying.

He didn’t answer you. He stayed silent as you wiped your tears away and grabbed the last few clothes left there. “Fuck you, Johnny.”

Those were the last words you told him and finally left the apartment.

But little did you know that he only lied because Ten was there and he had to stop himself from hugging you and telling you that he loved you.

The next day, around the time you were supposed to meet up with Jaehyun, you were rushing around at home, trying to get everything you needed together, when suddenly someone knocked at the door. Not even bothering to check who it was, you immediately opened the door and immediately tried to ram it closed when you saw Johnny in front of your door. However, Johnny held the door open with his hand, he was strong enough to easily resist you trying to close it.

“Babe, please, let’s talk”, Johnny said when he finally managed to get into your place. “I really need to talk to you and clear this whole thing out. There are some things I have to talk to you about.”

“Fuck off, Johnny, I don’t want to see you, please, get the hell out”, you yelled, trying to get him out of the apartment. However, Johnny was much stronger than you and easily put his hands on your arms to hold you still.

“Please, let me talk to you once”, he spoke to you in his comforting, soft voice that always managed to make you feel calm. You hated that he still had this effect on you – you didn’t want him to manipulate you the way he always did until now. “I will never even come near you if you let me talk to you now.”

“No. Fuck you, no!”, you yelled and this time, you were supported by Taeyong who finally came out of the shower.

“What the hell are you doing here, Youngho?”, Taeyong’s voice was calm and soft; you were sure that he was trying his best to remain composed. “Get the fuck out of here, I don’t ever want to see you around.”

“Taeyong-ah, please, let me talk to her once. I swear I will leave her alone afterwards if you let me talk to her now”, Youngho tried once again. Taeyong was having none of it, though. He pulled you behind him and finally Johnny gave up and sighed. “Promise, you will let me talk to you one day?”

He just left when you didn’t give him a reply.

“Sorry, I’m a little late… I had to deal with something”, you apologized to Jaehyun when you finally sat down across him. He just shrugged it off.

“I wasn’t sure what you’d like to drink so I didn’t order anything for you. It’s on me, though, so just choose whatever you want”, Jaehyun smiled lightly, exposing his dimples. You nodded as you shot him a smile back.

“Thank you, Jaehyun… I really needed this today. He just…”, it took you a bit before you could speak up on the issue. “My ex just came over today. He wanted to talk to me but my brother stopped him from doing so. Seeing him again hurt though.“

„I get that… you know, my ex also came over last night. Said she wanted to apologize and that she misses me. Her new boy dumped her”, he laughed and took a sip from his coffee. “Well, it’s her own fault. I don’t care about her anymore.”

“That’s what I love to hear! I’m happy that you were able to get over her… and the pain”, your voice got slightly lower with the last few words. Jaehyun grabbed your hand and softly stroked over the back.

“Your pain will stop one day as well. It will hurt for a long time, knowing the absence of someone who was there for you for a very long time. It will stop eventually, Y/N. I promise. I am ready to help you through it all”, he promised, making you smile lightly.

However, it was a faked smile.

And you hoped he didn’t notice.

However, he did notice.

Jaehyun was someone who paid a lot of attention to what was around him. Especially, if it was someone who needed special care after a rough situation. He was used to notice things like that; he started paying attention to people’s facial expressions when he was still a little kid. His mother would smile at him and tell him everything is fine.

Jaehyun would know that nothing was. He might have been little and the way he acted was still childish, but he knew how to divide between a real and a fake smile.

Yours definitely was a fake smile. However, he couldn’t do anything about it, so he never said anything.

“Hey, you know, a friend of mine is celebrating his birthday soon. Do you want to come along?”, Jaehyun suddenly asked you. That surprised you but you would never say no to some distraction. So, you just nodded as a yes.

“Sure thing”, you shot him another smile before taking another sip of your hot chocolate. Sitting here with Jaehyun – who you felt very comfortable around -, just chatting and talking about the most random things, really helped you. For a few hours, you seemed happy and also felt happy after a few days of crying your eyes out.

“Thank you for today. It was quite fun, let’s do this again one day”, you suggested to which he agreed to. Then he made sure you got the address of his friend to come over to the party in a few days. As he had to travel home to his parents in Busan for a few days, he wouldn’t be able to spend any time with you. When he finally left the café, you were once again left to your thoughts.

You decided to walk instead of taking the bus, so it would take you a lot more time to get back home. When you were halfway home, you felt the first drops of rain on your skin. Thinking, it wouldn’t rain, you hadn’t taken a jacket or an umbrella with you.

“Need a ride home?”, someone yelled and you turned around. “Come on, get in.”

It was Johnny. You couldn’t believe he actually had the guts to call you over to his car and drive you home. You’d rather walk the rest of the way home and arrive there completely soaked than sit in the same car as the guy who played with you.

“Please, Y/N. I promise I won’t do or say anything that’ll hurt you. I just don’t want you to get sick”, he said, however you decided to ignore him and just continued walking. Johnny always had been a stubborn person. So, it didn’t surprise you that he continued driving slowly behind you.

“Stop fucking following me!”, you yelled. “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to see you ever again and that I fucking hate you? Haven’t you had your fun already? Wasn’t it enough to humiliate me and play me like you did with your friends? The bet wasn’t enough fun for you?”

“Please, if you’d listen to me once, you would understand everything, Y/N”, he stopped the car and got out quickly and before you could run away, he put his hands on your arms. “Listen to me once and let me explain. It’ll all make sense then, I promise.”

“Fuck, you, no! I told you so many times. No!”, you once again declined and tried to get out of his tight grip. Once again, you failed – Johnny was a lot stronger than you were and he could hold you back easily.

“I’m so sorry but I have to do this, Y/N”, he mumbled and quickly just picked you up and carried you towards his car.

Your cries to let go of you were pointless – no one would hear you. You were in some forest where barely anyone ever walked through. However, that always had been the way you took home, as it was the shortest way.

“I’m sorry, love. I just need to talk to you. It is very important and you deserve to know”, he said when he had you in his car and started driving.

“Johnny, please. I can’t stand being next to you. I just can’t. You broke my heart by saying all these words and you know that”, there were a lot of tears running down your cheeks. Johnny didn’t reply, he just focused on the road.

“You said you had to talk to me but now you aren’t even speaking! Is this another of your games? If yes, please leave me the fuck alone because I definitely don’t need-“

“I’m being threatened.”

When you heard these three, simple words, you didn’t know what you should or could say. What the hell did he mean by he was being threatened?

“It might sound like a lie but Ten and I don’t really get along. The only one I could trust is my friend Yoonoh and your brother. There is so much going on, I couldn’t even tell you about it all right now. Once, Ten made me say all that shit you saw in that video. The one who recorded it was also Ten. The one who sent the video to your brother was Ten. It was all Ten”, he started explaining.

That new info made you doubt your ex-boyfriend once again. Whenever Ten came over to your shared place that you and Johnny had rented just a few weeks before that incident, they always seemed so comfortable around each other.

Was that all an act as well?

“What was he threatening you with?”, you asked him, your voice was really soft and low and you weren’t even sure if Johnny had even heard you.

“He found out about a few things that I did back in the days before I even met you. I really don’t want to talk about it and get the whole thing out again, but there were things that I’d rather have kept for myself”, Johnny explained. You had to laugh – however, it wasn’t a laugh because something was funny or anything. It was more because you were disappointed.

“So, you seriously think I’m going to believe that?”, you asked him but he just shook his head.

“Take my phone.”

“What?”

“Just do as I told you. You know my pin.”

Confused, you just took Johnny’s phone and unlocked it. You then followed his instructions to open his and Ten’s private chat and scroll up until a specific date. 18th July 20xx.

The date Johnny had asked you to move in with him. You remembered that day well – it was the happiest day you had experienced with him. Thinking about that day made you smile slightly, something that didn’t get unnoticed by Johnny.

“Read the chat. If you don’t believe me afterwards, I will never talk to you again. I promise”, he told you and you just nodded, completely focusing on the chat.

Ten

[Video 0:18]

Is this familiar?

You tried clicking on the video but Johnny stopped you. “Just read. You don’t need to watch it.”

Johnny

Where did you get this from?

No one knew about it

Ten

Well, now I do. Would be fun if I’d show this to your sweet girlfriend, wouldn’t it?

Johnny

Fuck you. What do you want from me?

Ten

Break up with her. You don’t deserve her

Johnny

Who does then? An asshole like you?

Ten

Anyone is better than you, Johnny Suh.

Also, if you don’t do what I want, you’ll see the consequences. I’m a man of my words – I will fucking ruin you if you don’t do whatever I want.

“Believe me now? He threatened me, Y/N.”

His words still lingered in your head. You had read the chat yourself – he wasn’t lying.

“Jaehyun is here. He said he’ll wait in his car”, Taeyong yelled from the living room while you were getting ready for the party. You hurried up and checked yourself up in the mirror before you quickly grabbed your phone and keys and left the apartment. Only yelling a goodbye to Taeyong, you quickly ran down the stairs.

“Hey there! There is no need to rush”, he laughed when you quickly got into the car. “Jungkook will be happy that I’m not coming over all by myself.”

“Ah, so that’s the name of your mysterious friend? How old is he now?”, you asked him curiously.

“Same age as me, we’re just a few months apart.” Jaehyun proceeded to tell you a little about his friend so you would know a little about him.

“Here we are”, Jaehyun stopped the car close to the house where you could already see colored lights out of the windows and when you got out of the car, you already heard the loud music. It surprised you that the music could be this loud without anyone being bothered by it.

“These boys are pretty much crazy. Please don’t judge me because of their craziness”, Jaehyun laughed when you two entered the house. Just a few seconds later you two were surrounded by a few boys, who excitedly greeted Jaehyun.

“Who is that pretty girl with you?”, one of the guys – Mingyu, as Jaehyun had told you – asked you. “I don’t think we know each other, do we?” You shook your head and shot him a light smile.

“I’m Y/N, a friend of Jaehyun”, you introduced yourself.

“Just a friend?”

“Y/N? What are you doing here? I didn’t expect you to know Jungkook?”, someone yelled over the loud music and prevented you from answering Mingyu. You looked back and widened your eyes as you recognized one from your older friends group, Yugyeom.

“Gyeom? What are you doing here?”, you laughed and hugged your friend, feeling much more comfortable than before. Knowing someone around here made you feel so much better. Yugyeom didn’t hesitate and just pulled you to the kitchen where it was a little quieter.

“I didn’t know you knew Jungkook?”, he asked you while he grabbed a drink for the both of you.

“I don’t. I know Jaehyun”, you told him and thanked him when you grabbed the drink. “We met a few days ago after something happened and he helped me a little through it.” For some reason, Yugyeom raised his eyebrow, but you had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

“What happened? We didn’t even text for the past few weeks”, he asked you and you sighed as you shook your head.

“I don’t believe this is the right place to talk about this. It’s all good, though”, you answered him before you shot him a light smile. However, Yugyeom didn’t believe you. That was understandable, Yugyeom had known you for such a long time now, it wouldn’t be easy to convince him.

“You and I, tomorrow. Where we always hung out. I don’t care if you already have plans or not, you will be there at three, otherwise I will come to your place and drag you out of there”, Yugyeom told you and you knew he wasn’t joking. He would actually come over. You knew that because he did it once before.

“Fine. I will be there”, you sighed when you took two cups of the beverage that was in one of the bottles. When you finally found Jaehyun again in the crowd, you saw him with someone else. She was trying to talk to him while he kept on pushing her away, however, she would not stop pestering him.

“Fuck off!”, you heard him yell at her, his voice was so loud that everyone in the room could hear him. “I don’t want to see you! I don’t want to talk to you, nothing! It’s over, why the hell won’t you understand that?”

So, this was his ex. When you looked at her, you noticed that she seemed familiar for some reason.

Then it hit you.

You knew her because she was the girl you saw in your shared apartment with Johnny when they were making out.

“Hey, calm down”, you tried to calm Jaehyun down when he stormed upstairs after his fight with his ex-girlfriend. “Who was that?”

“My ex. She wanted to try again after her new boy dumped her. Fuck, I was just getting over her… why did she have to come here?!”

“It’s alright. Calm down, I’m here. Just… try to calm down, Jae”, you hesitated for a moment, then you just hugged him. He seemed like he needed comfort as he put his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to himself. This moment seemed like it wouldn’t end, everything was so much slower and it felt like, the loud, banging music wasn’t even there.

And for some reason, being in his embrace felt like home.

Jaehyun didn’t want to return to the party anymore and as you didn’t know anyone else but Yugyeom, you decided to stay with the young man, so you wouldn’t feel awkward between all those unknown faces. Neither of you were in a party mode anymore, so you ended up lying in that huge bed in the guest room. Being here in this bed was awkward as well – you were lying in one bed with a man you had met a week ago – but it was better to stay here with him than going in another room.

Jaehyun had offered to sleep on the ground but you didn’t want him to – sleeping on the ground could be painful for his back – so you now ended up in this awkward situation. None of you were talking, it was a peaceful silence – ignoring the loud music from downstairs – and for some reason, you enjoyed being here.

You hadn’t really noticed but you fell asleep very soon, only waking up once where you found a little rose petal in front of you on the pillow. It confused you, where did that come from? You hadn’t seen any flowers around. You decided to ignore it and tried to sleep again, just to wake up once again with an extreme cough.

Then you saw the red petals on your hand and everything slowly started to make sense to you.

“Baby, there is something I have to tell you about”, your grandmother handed you a piece of chocolate while you sat next to her bed, you were around fifteen, or maybe fourteen or even thirteen? You didn’t remember for sure. “I want you to be careful about love, baby. Please, promise me.”

“I promise, granny, but… why? Is there something I have to know?”

“Yes, honey, you have to be careful. I don’t ever want to see you suffering because of…”, suddenly she started to breathe uneven and heavier, “hanahaki.”

When she said that last word, the machines around her started beeping like crazy and the last thing you could process properly was that a nurse pulled you out of the room and more nurses and doctors surrounded the old woman.

“Time of death, 4:27pm.”

After you had recovered from your grandma’s death, you had decided t go through book and the internet and finally find out what the hell ‘hanahaki’ was. Your results were that it was a disease, that would make a flower grow inside your lungs. Mostly, it was the favorite flower of the person you love, however, who didn’t requite your love. It would make it hard for the person to breathe.

Now, you were sure that these petals meant you fell in love with someone who didn’t return your feelings. Jaehyun.

You quickly got up and left the room while you continued coughing up those red petals. You didn’t want to wake Jaehyun up who still was lying next to you, sleeping in peace. He had no idea…

For some reason, this was confusing to you. It had been a week since you met him. Were you someone who fell in love so easily?

And this would mean that Johnny never lied to you about his feelings. You never had this disease ever before. That meant, Johnny loved you or… it meant that you never had true feelings for Johnny.

You didn’t know what you were feeling. Your emotions were too much for a moment that you stopped walking for a moment to calm yourself down and closed your eyes as you breathed in and out properly.

“Are those rose petals?”, someone asked you, it was a young woman. It was Jaehyun’s ex and also the girl you caught making out with Johnny. “You fell for Yoonoh, didn’t you?”

You raised your eyebrow for a second. Who was Yoonoh?”

“Oh, Jaehyun. His actual name is Yoonoh, though. He uses both names”, she told you, when she came closer to you. You immediately backed off, trying to get away from her. “Don’t worry about it.” She smiled lightly when she put her hand in her pocket and pulled out a few petals. It confused you when you finally realized what flower’s petals they were. Anemone, Johnny’s favorite flowers.

“But you were with…” – “Yes, I was with Yoonoh. I met Johnny through Yoonoh. Didn’t you know that they were close friends? Like, really close friends. I thought you’d knew as Johnny’s girlfriend.”

You knew that Johnny had a friend with the name Yoonoh, however, you didn’t know that Jaehyun’s actual name was Yoonoh.

“No… I didn’t know”, you murmured when you just started walking once again and just walked past the girl. You left Jungkook’s house without another word and started running home to the only person you could trust right now. Taeyong.

Your brother was still sleeping when you came back home. Due to the rush, you hadn’t checked what time it was, so when you checked it, you saw that it was only 8am. You knew that Taeyong would wake up in an hour so you decided not to bother him and went to your own room.

You didn’t feel sick – you didn’t even choke out any more petals since you left. Maybe it was that it would just happen if you’re close to Jaehyun.

Your body still was weak – you struggled to move your body and you assumed that the disease evolved faster for you than it was in Jaehyun’s ex’s case. When you finally were in your bed, trying to sleep, however, you couldn’t. You had so many questions; why Jaehyun didn’t tell you that he knew Youngho? Did he know that you two had broken up? Why did he hide these things from you?

Maybe it was also something Johnny had planned? You turned around and tried to get yourself to other thoughts, however it didn’t work out like you wanted. You still were totally lost in your questions and those made you go insane. You hadn’t even noticed that your brother woke up and saw you in your room over the half-opened door.

“You’re back? I thought you would spend the day with Jaehyun”, he asked you and you just sat up in your bed. You shrugged, Taeyong seemed to notice that something was off as he came into your room and sat down next to you. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… everything is just so weird and I have so many questions, which is why I left”, you explained briefly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”, he asked you and you just shook your head.

“Can we talk about it tonight? Maybe go out for dinner? I don’t really feel like staying home today”, you asked him and felt immediately comfortable as your brother smiled softly to you.

“Sure. I’ll get you after work and we can go to some restaurant, maybe the one around the corner?”

“Sounds good”, you finally smiled at your brother and he quickly ruffled through your hair. Taeyong knew how much you hated that so he ran out of the room and could escape the room before your pillow hit him. You just heard him giggle when you finally laid down again and tried to sleep. This time, you fell asleep rather quickly and slept peacefully.

You only woke up when the ringing of your phone didn’t stop. You grabbed it from your nightstand and picked up with a groggy “what?”

“Finally! Goddamn it Y/N, I thought something happened to you”, it was Jaehyun and his upset voice immediately made you sit up.

“No, no, I’m perfectly fine but what happened?”, you asked him then.

“You just left without a word while I was sleeping? Jiyoo told me you left early in the morning and when I tried to call you, you didn’t pick up. I thought something happened to you”, his voice seemed a lot calmer than before.

“Sorry, I just had to leave. There was something with my brother but it’s nothing serious, don’t worry about it”, you lied to him and immediately felt bad for lying to the young man. However, you couldn’t let him know about what was happening to you.

“It’s alright. Do you have some time for dinner tonight? I want to take you out”, you could picture him softly smiling at you.

“Sorry, I already am going to dinner with my brother.” You quickly checked the time and saw that it was already past five pm, means Taeyong would come home in around ten minutes. “In fact, I have to get dressed and go out in a bit. Raincheck?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll call you tomorrow then, yeah?”

Saying your goodbyes, you breathed out shakily. You weren’t ready to meet up with Jaehyun, especially not after all the things you found out about him today. You weren’t sure whether you could trust him or not, so you decided to text Johnny for once and ask him a little about his friend Yoonoh.

Johnny didn’t reply, though. You had no idea what was going on or why he wasn’t answering, he usually replied quickly.

When Taeyong finally arrived at home, you quickly took your phone and bag and finally left the place to go to dinner where you would finally tell him about what was going on with you.

See, this was one thing you absolutely loved about Taeyong. You could always be so open with him, never had to keep secrets from him; he would always notice that something is off and he would immediately try to help you as much as he could.

“Okay, so… uhm, this is a bit hard to talk about”, you opened up the topic. You were slightly nervous to talk to him about this, but you knew that you had to talk about it. “I fell in love with someone else.”

“That’s great, isn’t it?”, Taeyong smiled at you, he was happy that you managed to come over Johnny this easy. When he saw your nervous expression, his smile also dropped. “Is something wrong with that?”

“Actually, yes, there is. Remember the stories grandma used to tell us. About people who fell in love with someone who didn’t love them back and who died because of the flower growing in their lungs”, when he nodded, you continued.

“He doesn’t love me back.”

Taeyong didn’t know what to say. Was his sister going to die now because of a guy who didn’t love her as much she loved him?

“I… did some research and I could get it removed with a surgery, but… then I wouldn’t be able to love anyone romantically at all and I don’t want that. So, either I need to tell Jaehyun about it and find out if he truly has feelings for me or… if I will die very soon. Taeyong, if I die because of the disease, I don’t want you to be sad. I could never handle you being sad because of me. I don’t want you to mourn after me, I just don’t deserve that”, you told him and it was breaking your heart to see your brother so close to cry but still holding himself not to.

“Will you promise me?”

Hearing these words hurt him. You didn’t want him to be sad and mourn after you, and the worst was that he knew, he was too weak to handle that.

“I promise”, Taeyong finally said. “I promise, I won’t cry.”

However, both of you knew exactly that he wouldn’t be able to keep his promise.

A few days passed. Today, you wanted to meet up with Jaehyun and talk to him about your situation. Your assumption that the disease was evolving quicker than in Jiyoo’s case came true as each day passed, you felt so much weaker than the previous day.

You were scared, but you knew that this had to be done. You didn’t know what result this conversation would give, but you knew that you had to go through this all. It wouldn’t be easy for you; you already had a small breakdown when you told Taeyong about all this.

Time didn’t seem like it was passing. Five minutes felt like five hours and you were so impatient for Jaehyun to finally pick you up.

When he finally called to let you know that he was waiting downstairs

You were scared, but you knew that this had to be done. You didn’t know what result this conversation would have, but you knew that you had to go through it. It wouldn’t be easy for you; you already had a small breakdown when you told Taeyong about it and now you would have to tell Jaehyun about it?

Time didn’t seem like it was passing. Five minutes felt like five hours and you were so impatient for Jaehyun to finally call you downstairs.

When that finally happened, you rushed downstairs, however, you had to stop walking when you started coughing again. You held your hand in front of your mouth just to see more rose petals when you looked at it.

You knew what you had to do.

“Are you feeling okay? You look like you’re sick. Are you sure that you’re feeling good enough to be here right now?”, he questioned you. You shook your head when you looked up, you looked so worn out and exhausted.

“I’m okay, Jae. I’ll be better soon”, you tried smiling at him but he seemed to notice that your smile was once again not reaching your eyes. It wasn’t a real smile and he knew that.

“Please, tell me if something is bothering you”, he asked you and you sighed, then nodded.

“Yes, there is actually something I have to talk to you about. It’s quite a lot so I understand if you don’t want to talk to me afterwards.” When he nodded and motioned you to continue talking.

“Do you know the story of hanahaki?” Once again, he nodded.

“I fell in love with someone… and this person doesn’t love me back. For the past week, I have been coughing up rose petals.” Hoping, he would take the hint and maybe understand that it was about him.

Jaehyun wasn’t stupid. He already understood when you brought up the topic that it had something to do with him.

“I already told Taeyong about this all and I have to know, Jaehyun. I just have to.”

He didn’t answer and just looked down on his hands. You felt like you knew what he was going to say.

Jaehyun didn’t return your feelings.

You were already aware of that. If he did, you wouldn’t be suffering because of the disease.

“I understand. I just have a few questions, Jaehyun. Or should I say Yoonoh?��

His eyes widened when he heard his actual name. How did you find out? Who told you? He knew that he hadn’t told you, he was sure he didn’t.

“How do you know about that?”, he asked you, gulping nervously. “Who told you?”

“Does that matter? It shouldn’t matter who the hell told me about your close friendship to Youngho or about your real name? More, I want you to answer whether Youngho asked you to spend time with me or not.”

“No! That definitely didn’t happen! I didn’t know Youngho was your ex until I saw that wallpaper on your phone!”, he exclaimed, his loud voice got the attention of a few other customers in the restaurant. “I’m sorry if you thought I did something like this to you. I didn’t. I really had no idea. Youngho kept his relationship a secret – even from me, his closest friend. I didn’t know he was dating until the day he called me where he told me that he was in deep shit about the whole thing with Ten.”

“So, you didn’t lie to me about that. Thank you, Jaehyun. I needed to have that clear, before… well, you know”, you lightly smiled when you got up. “That’s all I needed to know, Jaehyun. Thank you for being there for me at my lowest. I didn’t get to know you much, but you’re a good guy. I loved the times I spent with you. I truly hope you will find the right one for yourself. Goodbye, Jung Yoonoh.”

It took all your patience not to cry in front of him. When you understood what those petals meant, you didn’t even realize that you had feelings for the young man. However, now, you knew that you were head over heels for the boy.

Finally, you were outside where you finally let your tears roll down your cheeks. It was hard to breathe for a moment. You just told the guy you loved to find the right one for himself because you knew that you weren’t the one. It hurt you so much to admit it, but this made you feel so free and lighter.

You only had one person left to talk to.

“Thank you so much for coming here, Youngho”, you smiled lightly when Youngho sat down in front of you.

“Of course, that’s the least I can do for you after all I did to you”, he answered.

“Yeah, there were quite a few things you could have done differently. I… I asked you to come here because I had quite a few things I had to tell you and a few questions I needed to ask and clear before…”, you stopped talking for a moment and breathed in to calm yourself down before you started talking once again. “Do you know the hanahaki disease?”

Johnny seemed to understand already what you were on about. He sighed lightly and grabbed your hand. “I know what you’re talking about. Yoonoh already told me”, he admitted and you chuckled.

“Of course, he did. You two were close right? Funny, how he never mentioned that to me, or you”, you snickered and shook your head lightly. “I knew that your best friend’s name was Yoonoh but I didn’t know that he was Yoonoh. I was so disappointed when his ex-girlfriend told me his actual name. Anyway, I just… I just thought I’d meet everyone that meant a lot to me and let them know before… you know.”

It was hard for you to say those words. You were still so young. Now, exactly what your grandmother had warned you about would be the reason for your death. You would leave so many people behind who meant a lot to you.

It hurt you to know that you would leave so many people behind who cared for you. Only because you fell in love with a guy who didn’t care about you as much as you did about him.

“We spent a long time together, Johnny. Even though you did hurt me and I thought I could never forgive you for that, I am. I am forgiving you because I understand your reasons and why you hid all these things from me”, you smiled and quickly wiped your tears away as they rolled down your cheeks.

“Hey, love, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry. I know, this is hard, but at the end, all of us will reach this day. For you, it was just a little too early”, Johnny tried to calm you down.

“I’m so sorry for leaving you all behind just because of my dumb feelings.”

Johnny didn’t say anything more before he got up and took your hand. He pulled you up and escorted you out of the restaurant. “Let’s go somewhere calmer”, he suggested to which you nodded. You didn’t know where he would bring you to.

He didn’t drive fast, however, it was a long way there. When he finally stopped the car, you understood where you were. The same spot Jaehyun had brought you to and where Johnny.

“What a great choice, John”, you laughed lightly and took his hand once again. “I even wanted to ask you to bring me here once more but seems like you thought ahead as usual.”

“Of course, that’s usual for me, you know that, babe”, he grinned and slowly, you two walked there.

While you sat on the cold stones, none of you talked. You just leaned on his shoulder, watching the sun slowly going down. This reminded you of how you had found comfort on Jaehyun’s shoulder a few weeks ago after you had broken up with Johnny. Back then, you hadn’t thought you would come back to this same spot with the same man who had your heart broken.

“I want to ask you for something, John”, you looked up to him and the way your eyes were still a little teary made Johnny feel so disappointed in himself. Maybe if it wasn’t for his mistakes, none of this would be happening.

“Can we pretend like everything was before everything went down? Only for tomorrow and only if your want to, of course. I don’t want to force-“

“Yes. Sure, we can do that”, he smiled and softly pressed a kiss on your forehead. “We can absolutely do that.”

That night, you spent with Johnny. You two were in his bed, he was holding you in his arms when you two were trying to sleep. However, none of you managed to fall asleep, both of you just stared somewhere else. The atmosphere was quite awkward, you hadn’t done this with Johnny for a while now, however, you tried to ignore it as much as possible.

Being here with Johnny also made you feel comfortable. You were very calm and even your coughing wasn’t as crazy as it was whenever you were alone or with Jaehyun.

This would’ve been the perfect moment for you to finally let go.

However, you didn’t want to, yet. You just weren’t ready for it.

“Try to sleep, love. We’ll go outside early in the morning, yeah?”, Johnny asked you and you nodded slightly, before you closed your eyes and finally fell asleep calmly.

The first place Johnny took you to, was a small café out of town where you two often went to while you were still together. The breakfast you ate there was good and Johnny managed to make you laugh so often. It was like everything was like before and it was so great for you that you managed to forget about your pain for a while.

Of course, everything good went downhill after a while. You started coughing up more petals and Johnny quickly escorted you out of the café and yelled that he would come back in a second to pay. “Hey, calm down, it’s going to be fine, love”, he softly rubbed over your back while he was talking sweet nothings so your coughing would stop.

When it finally got better, he made you sit down on a bench and quickly went back to the café to pay for the food. You tried to breathe properly and when Johnny was back, he sat down next to you. “Are you better now?”, he asked but you shook your head.

“It never will be better from now on, Johnny. Never. Everything will go down and down until I just can’t breathe anymore. It hurts so much and it’s not just the physical pain”, some tears started rolling down and you didn’t have the nerves to speak anymore. “Everything will get worse and worse until my body can’t take it anymore.”

Johnny didn’t want to pressure you and took you back home to your place with Taeyong. “Are you sure, you want to be alone until he comes home?”, he asked you, making sure that you’ll be fine. After your little breakdown at the café, he decided to bring you home so you could rest a little. However, he didn’t expect you to ask him to leave.

“Yes, I’m sure. He’ll be home in like three hours anyway, I’ll be fine, Johnny”, you told him while you took off your clothes in your room to change into more comfortable things. Although he had seen you barely clothed very often, he insisted himself to stay outside.

“Alright, I ordered something for you to eat, I’ll get going then, yeah?”, Johnny yelled and a few seconds later, you could hear the door closing and the soft beeps of the door locking.

Johnny really had been a great boyfriend. He always had been sweet, caring, until a bit before you two started spending less time together. Then, you had seen the video of him, where he said that he wasn’t serious about the whole relationship.

Except that, he was the best boyfriend someone could wish for.

Now that both of you were still on good terms and moved on, it was nice to spend time with someone that meant a lot to you before. He still meant a lot to you; however, it wasn’t the same as it used to be.

You decided to watch an episode of your current drama until the food arrived and you could finally eat something. However, your whole body felt so weak, so you had struggles to get up and open up the door when the delivery rang your bell. When you finally managed to get to the door, you took the food Johnny had ordered for you. The guy said it was already paid and left with a simple goodbye.

You slowly moved toward the kitchen and sat down, when you suddenly had problems to breathe. The pain in your chest was making it hard for you to calm down and you sank down to your knees as everything started to get blurry.

Then, it all went black.

Jaehyun was just getting inside of his small studio apartment when he felt a stinging pain in his chest. He groaned in pain as he didn’t understand what was going on – the pain just started without a reason. When the coughing started, it was weird.

As he looked on his hand, he saw the dark, dead petals of roses, remembering the stories his mother told him about the dead petals someone coughs out.

The person who’s love was unrequited didn’t survive.

Jaehyun didn’t know what to do when he understood what happened. Soon, someone knocked on his door and Jaehyun opened it. It was Taeyong.

“I assume, you know what happened?”, Taeyong asked the young man with tears in his eyes. When Jaehyun nodded, the older man handed him an envelope. “It’s for you. She left it for me to give it to you if something would happen.”

Only thirty minutes later, Jaehyun was feeling better so he finally opened up the envelope. The paper inside of it was small and didn’t have a lot of text on it.

When I leave, please don’t blame yourself or anything. Maybe you didn’t have the same feelings as I did for you, but please, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault, not at all. It’s simply mine for letting you into my heart so easily.

- Y/N

main taglist ;; @wownajaemin @n8dlesoupguk @winniet @loviehyuck

other tags ;; @jaehyvnsvalentine

230 notes · View notes

deobienthusiast · 3 years

Text

the truth untold | pjm

• pairing: park jimin (bts) x female reader

• word count: 3.8k words

• genre: hanahaki!au, idol!au, character death!au, angst

• rating: PG-13

• warnings: character death, mentions of blood, a curse word or two, mentions of the grammys

• notes: there was another idea i had for this specific title but i ended up changing it because i thought this fit better. btw, first full bangtan fic so let me know how it is. this is also written in a universe with no covid🙃

• synopsis: a letter left to jimin on the day of his group’s biggest performance ever leaves him thinking about what could have been if he had just taken a chance.

Jimin could hear the roar of the crowd as he watched the members continue to get ready. Stylists, makeup artists, staff members, and anyone else that could fit in the dressing room were in the back doing everything to get BTS as prepared as possible for their performance. Today was the day. The group of seven would be performing on the world’s biggest music stage along with hoping to take home their first grammy. The boys were buzzing with intensity as staff members called final checks before the boys could head on stage.

Jimin felt himself smile as he watched Jungkook crack jokes with the members before feeling a tap on his shoulder. As he turned, he came face to face with his manager.

“I’m sorry to bother you like this, but a woman came looking for you. She claimed she knew you and said you have to read this urgently.” His manager said.

Jimin nodded, looking over the envelope. “Just lay it on the table. I’ll read it after the performance.”

The man nodded as Jimin filed out of the room and on stage. As the group performed, curiosity kept getting the best of Jimin. He couldn’t quite focus due to the nature of the letter that was brought to him. The handwriting on the front looked so familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on why. Before he knew it, they were taking a bow and heading backstage to watch the rest of the show.

As everyone cooled themselves off, Jimin gently wrapped his nimble fingers around the paper. Tearing open the envelope, he kept the letter inside just momentarily for his eyes and free fingers to graze over his name written neatly in cursive on the front. Taking the letter out, he unfolded it before sitting down.

The members didn’t take notice of Jimin’s silence as they talked amongst themselves. He watched them before reading the letter to himself.

Dear Jimin,

If my mom listened to me like she promised she would, this should be delivered on the day you and Bangtan take over the Grammy’s stage! You don’t know just how proud I am to see you and the others living your dream. Bangtan is without a doubt taking the world by storm. Anyone that hasn’t been hit by you yet better watch out!

I wrote this letter when I got word from the doctor of how much time I had left. I had to consider that I wouldn’t get the chance to tell you. I won’t lie. I’ve written and rewritten this letter a million times just to find the right words. I know this is….strange. We haven’t talked in such a long time and that is my fault. I pushed you away in a time you needed me most, when you needed your best friend, but due to the circumstances I had no choice. It was too painful to be around you as my condition progressed.

That will probably hurt to read, but I want to be as honest as possible. I’m laying all my cards on the table, despite not being able to know what you’ll be laying out. You know what, though? That’s okay. It’s okay, even if you are reading this and saying it isn’t.

Do you remember the day we decided to be best friends? We were just kids. Maybe four or five. And we fought over a bowl of kimchi jjigae. Keep in mind, this wasn’t the only bowl, but it was a bright blue bowl with little flowers painted on it. You ended up getting to the bowl before me, and what did I do next? Push you straight to the ground. I remember getting scolded by the lady watching us. Eventually you calmed down enough for me to apologize, and you were so sweet then, that you gave me a hug. I asked you to be my best friend after that, and we held hands the rest of the day until our parents came to get us.

You were so sweet then, and you are just as sweet now. I’m blessed to have seen you grow into the incredible man, singer, dancer, and person that you are now. I got to be by your side for all of it. That being said, I’m sorry I’m leaving it just as it’s hitting its peak.

Jimin, I love you. I don’t mean this in the ‘best friend vibes’ kinda way. I mean I’m actually in love with you. It started about a year and a half ago. I tried to push my feelings off to the side because you’re my person and I don’t want to lose you. It wasn’t that simple, though. When you and the group got that hiatus that you so desperately deserved, and you took me with you to travel, my feelings got stronger. My illness also started. The small coughing fits that would hold me up in the bathroom? They weren’t normal coughing fits.

You remember us learning about Hanahaki disease? The different stories of people developing a beautiful but deadly disease of coughing up their lover’s favorite flower or a flower with their favorite color. The disease that grows on unrequited love? Turns out it’s not a story. It’s real. I have it, and it’s killing me. And I'm okay with that.

The trip we took during Bangtan’s hiatus made my feelings for you grow more, but every time we met people the introduction was always ‘my best friend’. I, selfishly, wanted more. I know you didn’t see me in that way so I didn’t pry. However, I silently suffered. The plant growing in my longs was continuing to bloom. I remember all the different types of ways I relayed in my mind telling you how I felt. I knew I’d never go through with it. I was too much of a coward. The coughing fits got worse when we returned home. One or two pretty blue petals turned into a handful before some came up with little specks of blood on them.

That’s when I knew I was a goner.

My mom brought me to the doctor for us to get a treatment plan or just hear bad news. I guess you can make a conclusion on what I chose. The removal surgery sounded tempting, I won’t lie. However, the idea of possibly losing some of our most precious memories on top of losing my feelings for you was one I didn’t want to see. So, I left the plant and continued to let it bloom.

I don’t want you to be sad, Chim. I didn’t leave Earth unhappy. You are the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I am the luckiest person in the world to have gotten to be your best friend. Yes, I may not be with you anymore. I do get to keep all of our beautiful memories. I can leave knowing that, even though I wasn’t true with my feelings, I was the best best friend I could be for you. Because that’s what you deserve, the best.

Continue to be the most amazing person, and show the world just how beautiful you are. You are a treasure Chim. The world is lucky to have you gracing it every day. Don’t worry about me anymore. I’m no longer in pain. I’m not upset. I’m not heartbroken. I’m finally at peace. I’m at peace knowing that you will forever be happy with your members and fans. They have got you.

I purple you, Park Jimin. Forever <3

Jimin didn’t realize just how silent he had been until Jungkook spoke.

“Hyung,” Jungkook said as the older boy lifted his head. The members noticed the tears lain across his cheeks as they looked at him worriedly. “Are you crying, hyung? What’s wrong?”

Jimin wiped at his face as he sniffled. “I, I have to go. I have to go. I’m sorry.”

He jumps up from his seat to grab his phone as he walks out of the dressing room, ignoring the calls from his members, the loudest ones coming from his leader.

Jimin searches for his manager before finally laying eyes on him. The man is on his phone, having what looked to be a serious conversation before noticing Jimin and the distress he was in.

“Look, I’ll call you back. Jimin, what’s wrong?” The man asks.

Jimin held up the letter still tightly in his grasp as he spoke. “Is she still here?”

“Who?”

“The lady that dropped this off? Is she still here?” He asked again.

His manager shook his head as he rasped out. “I have to go see her.”

His manager tilted his head. “Jimin, I don’t know.”

Jimin shook his head. “Please. Please.”

His pleas didn’t fall on deaf ears. More tears slipped from his eyes as the man in front of him nodded. Moving quickly, he put Jimin in a car as Jimin rattled off an address to the driver. The driver looks at Jimin’s manager wondering if he needs to actually take him to the address he was given or take Jimin to the dorm due to the state he was in.

“No,” His manager said, as if reading the driver’s mind. “Take him where he wants to go. It’s important.”

The driver nodded as he took off. Jimin’s eyes linger over the last line of the letter as felt more tears well up in his eyes. The entire ride was quiet as Jimin just hoped that the address he had given was still relevant. It had to be.

As the car comes to a stop, Jimin opens the door. He jogs up the walkway before stopping. He lifts his free hand, letting it hover over the deep red wood of the old door before letting his hand hit it once, twice, three times. The sound echoes slightly as Jimin feels his heart starting to beat out of his chest. There is a slight noise on the other side before the door unlocks. Jimin lifts his head to make eye contact with the lady on the other side. She stares at him slightly before speaking.

“Jimin, what are you doing here?” She asks him.

Jimin lifts the letter, getting ready to speak, but he can’t. The words get caught in his throat as it tightens. Jimin sniffles as she opens her arms. His full weight drops into the frail woman, who surprisingly doesn’t budge from the impact as she coos.

“Oh sweetheart. It’s okay.” She whispers.

Sobs rake through Jimin’s body as he lets out every emotion conjured up from the letter. He isn’t sure just how long they stood in the doorway before she spoke, sniffling herself.

“Let’s go inside, yeah. I’ll make you some tea.” She says softly as Jimin nods, lifting himself off of her.

Her heart breaks at the sight of the boy in front of her who she had only ever known as lively and goofy. He moves past her, slipping into the small house as she closes the door. As if routinely, he makes his way to the living room as he drops on the couch.

He watches the woman move around the house, dipping into the kitchen as he looks around. Despite his vision being slightly impaired by his constant tears, he could still tell that nothing had changed. Everything was still the same from the very last time he stepped foot in the house almost two years ago. She comes back with a cup in her hand. They shake slightly as they hand the cup over to Jimin. For the first time since opening it, he sets the letter down and sips the hot tea.

She watches him as she takes in the person in front of her. He was no longer the little boy her daughter had come home complaining about. He was now a man. A man with a gift to touch others’ hearts. She kept up with him. She never forgot about him.

“How,” Jimin starts quietly before stopping.

“She always knew you’d be nominated. So when she found out, she told me when to give it to you. I happened to figure out where your performance would be held and brought the letter. I listened to her.” She jokes slightly.

Jimin keeps his eyes on the light brown colored tea in his hand as he feels it start to lose its warmth. “How long?”

“A year and a half. Almost two years. The doctors said it was the longest case they’ve ever treated. They called her a fighter. She held on for as long as she could.” The woman tells him.

He feels himself tear up again as he shakes his head. “Why? Why didn’t she just tell me?”

He sees tears in her eyes as well as she shrugs.

“I don’t know, sweetheart. I’m not sure. I kept telling her to, but eventually it was too late.”

Jimin bites his lip hard to hold in the sob that was pressuring to be let out. “I should’ve been here for you. I should’ve been more present. Maybe I could’ve helped her.”

“No,” She starts, stopping him. “Jimin, there was nothing that you could’ve done. She made the decision herself, and no one was talking her out of it.”

“But, I could’ve,” She stops him again.

“Jimin. She never wanted you to force anything. She never would have been able to live with herself if she knew that you would have forced yourself to love her the way she loved you. The doctors said it most likely wouldn’t have cured her anyway.” She tells him.

Jimin leans back, taking in a deep breath. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner after the funeral. I know you say there’s nothing I could’ve done, but that’s bullshit. I could’ve been here for you. Not let you suffer the death of your daughter by yourself. I wasn’t the only one hurting from losing her, but I was being selfish.”

She smiles. “It’s okay. You’re here now. That’s all she wanted.”

The cup of tea gets set on the cherrywood coffee table in the middle of the small living area as he puts his head in his hands. Silence falls over the room except for the faint clicking sound from the fan upstairs. The fan in the bedroom. The fan in her bedroom.

He lifts his head as he points. “May I?”

She nods as he stands, letting his legs carry him to the staircase. He takes his time walking up the stairs, letting himself take in the pictures that hang on the walls. He felt himself smile, looking over the childhood memories. He was in almost every photo, and so was she. When he got to the top of the staircase, he let out the breath he was holding as he opened the bedroom door at the end of the hallway.

He feels his heart leap at the sight of everything still being the same. The bed was made up neatly with pillows sat across for decoration. He couldn’t help but smile as he gently sat on the corner of the bed. All the memories he shared with her ran through his head. The little sleepovers, the pillow forts, the constant bickering over board games, the food fights that would get the both of them in trouble by her mother. Jimin laughed to himself before frowning.

He turned and felt his heart break at the sight. In the middle of the bed was his BT21 plush. He shakily reached for the Chimmy plush as he felt his emotions start to get the best of him again. He hugged the plush tightly as he cried. Jimin remembered how happy he was to give her the plush. It was a prototype that each member was sent out, and he wanted her to have it. Jimin sat in the room, on the bed, hugging his plush and cried until no more tears could come out. He allowed himself to calm down before laying the plush back down.

Standing up, Jimin heads back down stairs to see her in the kitchen. Upon hearing him come down, she turns to him.

“Can I see her?” Jimin asked so quietly, she was certain he didn’t say anything at all.

She blinks a couple of times before nodding. “I was planning on seeing her today anyway.”

He takes a step off the last step as she rounds the kitchen counter. She now has keys in her hands as they head to the door. She leads the way to a car, unlocking it so he can get in before getting in herself.

Jimin puts on his seatbelt as the car starts up. She quietly pulls out of the driveway and down the road. A faint song plays on the radio as she speaks.

“I’m very proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished so far Jimin. So was she. She never stopped talking about you. Your mother always keeps in touch with me. Her little star.” She told Jimin.

He smiles, watching the trees flash past him. The car drives for what seems like forever before it stops. He looks at his surroundings, noticing they are at a cemetery, as he hears her get out of the car. Following her lead, he, too, gets out and watches her reach into the trunk before closing it. The bouquet held a bundle of beautiful, deep blue flowers as he headed towards him, wrapping her arm around his. Nodding her head forward, Jimin gets the message to walk.

She holds the flowers tightly to her as he leads, but not without her direction from the tugs on his arm. He watches her grip tighten and untighten around the flowers as he finally gets the courage to speak.

“What are they?” Jimin asks.

He sees a ghost of a smile break out on her face as she looks down at them, still leading Jimin through the cemetery.

“Desert Bluebells,” She says. “They were the flower she kept,”

She strayed off, feeling Jimin tense up at her sentence. She continued to lead by a tug on Jimin’s arm before stopping. They stopped in front of a headstone that was larger than the rest and was made from a more extravagant stone.

“Gabbro,” She says. “It’s dark, and the finish when it’s all buffed out is beautiful. Don’t you think so?”

Jimin could only nod as she nudged him slightly, removing her hand from his arm. “Here. Take these. Lay them in the two pots on each side of the headstone. Just take the dead ones out, and you can bring them back to the car. I’ll give you some time.”

She laid the flowers in Jimins hands as she turned around and walked out of the cemetery. Jimin watched her, waiting until she got a good distance away before taking a few more steps closer to the headstone.

He ran his hand over the rough top, feeling it scratch at his skin. Jimin looked over the engravings on the stone as he read them aloud.

Here lies Y/N Y/L/N. In remembrance of a loving daughter, niece, friend, and person. May her memory live on forever!

Birth: December 5, 1995

Death: August 18, 2020

Jimin let out a sigh as he kneeled. He unwrapped the bouquet, pulling the flowers apart as evenly as he could. He laid them down on the grass as he pulled the dead flowers out of both pots. Gently replacing the flowers, he took a seat off to the side as he laid one of his hands down on the ground.

He looked at his hand on the lush grass growing in front of the headstone before breaking down.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He spoke between sobs.

Jimin didn’t know what to say other than apologize. He wasn’t sure what to say. He let himself cry for probably the millionth time before he was reduced to sniffles. Jimin wasn’t sure he had anymore tears left in his system as he took a deep breath.

“I’m so upset with myself. I’m so upset with you! I know that’s bad to say, but I can’t help it. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you let me try to help you? What did we say when we were four? Best friends forever, right?” Jimin let out a huff.

“I needed you. I still need you. You, you don’t know how much you mean to me, or rather how much you meant to me. The guys would get so pissed off. They hated how much I talked about you. Which is crazy because I know how much they loved you. Especially Jungkook and Namjoon-hyung.”

Jimin took a breath in then out as he looked around. There wasn’t a lot going on around the cemetery. A man tending to other graves was stalking around each headstone slowly. He pulled weeds from the ground before Jimin turned his head in another direction. Another woman, tending to a grave of her own loved one.

He turned back to the headstone in front of him. “I miss you so much. I try to put on this strong front, but losing you has been awful. The only thing holding me together is my members, my family, my fans. I just, I love you. I know it’s too late to say that, but it’s true. They always say you never realize what you have till it’s gone. Turns out the statement couldn’t be more true. You are my everything, even after death. No one will ever or could ever replace you. I promise.”

He paused, wiping some dirt off the top of the headstone as he continued. “I promise I’m going to take care of myself. I’ll continue to be the same Park Jimin that you and everyone else loves.”

He leaned forward to press a light kiss on the tombstone before standing. He wiped the front and back of his pants and grabbed the dead flowers before turning to head back to the car. Jimin took a step before stopping. He softly spoke without turning around.

“I’ll always want you.” Jimin whispered as he walked away, missing the fresh blue petal that fell on the ground next to the tombstone.

The drive that ensued after the cemetery visit was one of silence. Instead of going back to the house, Jimin gave directions to the dorm instead. When the car pulled into the neighborhood, Jimin finally spoke.

“Here,” Jimin said, holding out a piece of paper. “This is my phone number. Please, if you need anything or just want to say ‘hi’ call me.”

She smiled with a nod, gently grasping the piece of paper before she grasped his entire hand. “Thank you so much Jimin.”

Jimin nodded, giving her a small smile as he got out of the car. She stopped him momentarily, handing him the letter as he took it.

“It’s yours. She wanted you to have it. Take care of yourself, sweetheart.” She said softly before driving off.

Jimin watched the car before looking down at the letter. He turned the paper over and over in his hand as he shakily sighed. He smiled to himself, feeling a tear slide down his cheek as he whispers into the night.

“I purple you, too.”

51 notes · View notes

dxnahdsg · 3 years

Text

A/n: Another Akaashi one shot because I am a simp😃

Hold On || k.akaashi ||

One shot - Angst

Warnings - Mention of blood, death, heartbreak

Includes - Song from Hold On by Chord Overstreet, Hanahaki AU

Masterlist

Loving and fighting, accusing, denying

I can't imagine a world with you gone

What did you expect? No one could ever love you. Not even your parents. Not even your best friend.

You laid on your bed, your pillow soaked wet from crying. The words he said replayed from your head, making you break down even more.

"I'm sorry [Y/n] but...I need to break up with you..."

"Why?!"

"I'm sorry...but I lied. I don't really love you as a girlfriend...I lied because I knew you were going to be heartbroken if I said I didn't so I decided to accept your feelings. But now here we are..."

"..."

"It's okay if we stay as friends right?"

"Y-Yeah...sure...I understand...don't worry..."

How dare he lie? He could've just told you in the first place right? Akaashi you idiot...if only you told me. Then I wouldn't be in this painful situation...

The joy and the chaos, the demons we're made of

I'd be so lost if you left me alone

You gagged, feeling a thorn on your throat. You quickly got off of bed and ran towards the bathroom. Readying your face by the toilet, you started puking out petals and blood.

Tears pricked in your eyes as you kept puking. It hurts how it doesn't stop. It hurts how the thorns keep poking your throat. It hurts how there's a flower growing inside of you. It hurts how your heart was broken. It just fucking hurts.

About 15 minutes later, you flush the toilet with the bloodied petals going down. You sigh tiredly as you rest against the wall. You were in pain. And no one even knows it. Even Akaashi nor your brother, Bokuto. Though sometimes your brother comes to check up on you from time to time since he knew your relationship with Akaashi.

When you go to school, you always try to put on a big smile to not show any suspicions. But your pale skin was enough to show that something's wrong.

Akaashi noticed this and started worrying about you. But knowing after the heartbreak, you started ignoring him so he decided not to talk to you yet until you're ready.

Now in your perspective, you really needed Akaashi's help. All you need is for him to comfort you. Tell you that he loves you for real. But you know that none of that will become true. Especially since you thought Akaashi was ignoring you as well and that he didn't care about your sick, painful state.

You locked yourself in the bathroom

2 weeks passed. You barely even go to school anymore. Everyone was worried for you, even your parents since they never seen you this down. They try to check up on you but you locked your door, keeping them from coming.

Knowing that wasn't enough, you locked yourself in the bathroom instead. You really didn't want to see anyone anymore. You just wanted to be alone. Just leave me alone.

Akaashi's worries grew big. He noticed how you weren't going to school anymore. He noticed how your brother was tense. He noticed how you acted throughout the days. Was there something you're hiding from him?

He knew he broke your heart, but you were his best friend ever since you two were little kids. So he decided, he's going to check on you after school.

Lying on the floor when I break through

Bokuto let Akaashi in his house, knowing why he was here. He knew he wants to talk privately to you so he showed him where your room is.

As Akaashi walked towards your room, he felt an eerie feeling in his stomach. Like something wasn't right. Something bad had happened.

Shaking off the feeling, he knocked lightly on your door. "[Y/n]? It's me, Akaashi. Can I please talk to you?" He waited for a response but all he got was silence. The feeling on his stomach was back.

"[Y/n] please. Everyone's worried about you." Still no response. "Look, I'm sorry. I just thought that we'd be better as friends instead of lovers. I'm sorry if I broke your heart, it was never my intend to do so. But please, I'm still your best friend and I'm worries for you. Can you at least tell me you're alright?" Still nothing.

Not only did the feeling grew bigger, but it was also telling him break down the door. He didn't know why, but his gut was telling him there was definitely something wrong.

Taking a deep breath, Akaashi kicked your door down, surprised at his own strength. He stepped inside your room slowly, looking around only to see you were nowhere to be found.

He then noticed the light coming from the bathroom. He thought you were taking a shower but seeing the door slightly open made him know that you definitely weren't.

"[Y/n]?" Akaashi slowly opened the door and stepped in, gaze on the floor just in case you were actually doing something privately. But his blood ran cold when he saw blood splatter on the floor.

Gulping, he hesitated to look up. But once his eyes landed your bloodied hand, it was enough for him to immediately go to your side and cradled your cold body.

I pull you in to feel your heartbeat

Can you hear me screaming? Please don't leave me

"No no no..." He rambled, nearing your chest to his ear to hear your heartbeat. It was weak, the beating barely even audible. Tears formed in his eyes when his looked at you, there was a petal hanging from your mouth and there was still more inside.

"No way..." He whispered, knowing what the petals meant. He didn't think it was actually real. He thought it was just an urban legend. It wasn't real. This is just a dream.

As he keeps thinking that, the more he looked at you, he knew that this was reality. Akaashi let out a loud sob and hugged your body tightly.

"[Y/n]! Wake up! Please! Don't leave me! I'm sorry!"

Bokuto and his parents heard his sobs and immediately went inside your bathroom to see what was happening.

Bokuto's eyes widened, seeing your pale, bloodied body in Akaashi's arms. Without wasting time, he immediately called an ambulance, his voice cracking and shaking everytime he spoke.

Your parents were just staring at you in horror. Their own daughter dying in front of them. And they didn't even know what was the cause.

"Don't leave me, [Y/n]!" Akaashi kept sobbing out the same phrase, shaking your body, hoping you'd wake up.

But you were slowly fading away.

Hold on, I still want you

Come back, I still need you

Akaashi, your family and your friends, which was the whole volleyball team, waited anxiously at the waiting room. The air was tense and no one dared to talk to each other.

Akaashi gripped his hair tightly, praying so many times that you'd wake up and be beside him again. How come he was so stupid to let this happen to you? He was the one who caused this. This was his fault. All of it.

If only he could've shut his damn mouth. If only he tried harder to love you. If only he had been by your side. If only he said "I love you" for real. This wouldn't have happened.

Everyone got snapped out of their thoughts when the doctor came out of the room you were in. The doctor gave them a sympathetic look, it was enough to tell them that you weren't going to make it.

"You may visit her if you want." The doctor says. Everyone looked at each other and nodded, before moving their gaze to Akaashi, saying he should go first. But he insisted going in last.

Let me take your hand, I'll make it right

I swear to love you all my life

Akaashi entered your room, his breath hitching when he saw your unconscious body. It was time for him to say goodbye. But he didn't want to. He wants you to wake up and tell him that you were fine. But you weren't. Not after what had happened.

Akaashi sat on the chair beside you, hesitantly holding your hand. He pretends he doesn't feel how cold it was and just stared at your hand.

He let out a shaky exhale and looked at you. Biting the inside of his cheek to stop him from breaking down. "I swear I'll make this right..." He whispers. "[Y/n], I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to break your heart. I didn't mean to do this to you. I-I didn't mean to make you suffer from this pain." His voice cracked and his tears failed to be held back.

"I promise... I'll love you truly when I see you again. I will never let you experience this heartbreak again." He croaks. He gently lifted your hand and placed a soft peck on your knuckles.

Slowly pulling away, he stared at you one last time before the heartbeat monitor started beeping. Hanging his head low, he walked outside the room as the doctors and nurses went to you.

Akaashi ignored the calling he got from his friends and just went towards the restroom. He stared at his reflection, looking at himself in disgust. He swore he will never forgive himself from what had happened and would beat himself up.

Hold on, I still need you

A/n: WHY. DO. I. KEEP. MAKING. ANGST. WITH. THE. CHARACTERS. I. LOVE?!?! GAHHH😭😭😭😭

#anime #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq #akaashi #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #angst

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redhoodssweetheart · 3 years

Text

Flowers in My Lungs Part Two

Genre: Hanahaki AU

Pairing: Clark Kent x Gender Neutral!Reader

Requested: Yes (REQUESTS ARE CLOSED, this was for my 1.5K follower celebration)

Word Count: 1.5K

Warnings: Talks of death, flowers growing in the lungs, angst, unrequited love

Description: It’s been six months since the last of the flowers disappeared from your lungs. In that time you’ve written a book based on your experiences and are now on a book tour. Your first stop? Metropolis. How will seeing Clark go?

A/N: The ending is purposefully left open. I didn’t know if people would want a happy, sad, or a neutral ending. I can write a third and final part if people would like to see one or the other, or you can decide for yourself what happens between the Reader and Clark. Also the request was for a fem!Reader, but the first part was Gender Neutral. I don’t use female pronouns or even they/them in here.

It had been six months since the last of the flowers disappeared from your lungs. It had taken a lot of hardwork and determination, but with the help of therapists and doctors alike you had managed to beat the Hanahaki disease and get better. You had even turned your pain into a book that quickly became a New York Times bestseller. While it was listed under fiction you had based it off your own story, although it had a happy end compared to yours.

Now you were being interviewed on a morning television show that the Daily Planet hosted. It was the first time you had been back to Metropolis since healing and you were a little nervous. Everyone knew that you were in town talking about your new book and that meant that Clark knew as well.

You wondered if he would try to talk to you. Were you ready for that?

“Good morning everyone and please welcome Y/N Y/L/N, the author of the wildly popular novel Flowers in My Lungs!” Kerry turned to face you, a smile plastered on her face, “Thank you for coming on the show.”

You smiled back, though your stomach was turning uneasily. This was the first interview you had done since your book released and you knew everyone was dying to find out the juicy details behind it. “Thank you for having me,” you responded.

“I know you’ve said that this was based on your own battle with Hanahaki, and your main character is somewhat based off of you, but what about Jack? Who is he based on?” Kerry asked, hunger in her eyes as she thought you would unload the truth right there and she would get the biggest scoop before any other reporters.

You tried not to squirm as you felt every gaze in the room on you as you thought of how to best answer this question. “I’d rather not say who it is,” you told her. “I don’t want to put them on blast like that. It wasn’t their fault that I wound up getting Hanahaki disease. Blaming me or them does no good, you can’t help your feelings and I don’t want anyone to go and send hate to this person.”

“Could you at least tell us a little about your relationship with them? Was it like your characters in your book?”

“We were really good friends, and I happened to fall in love with him. After a while I started to cough up the flower petals and I knew what was happening.” You took in a deep breath trying to compose yourself. “I hate that it happened and I haven’t seen or talked to him since it all went down.”

“Do you think you’ll ever talk to him again?” She asked.

“I hope so,” you said truthfully. “I do miss him.”

You had to go to commercial and when your eyes scanned the room you saw Clark standing at the back, hidden in the shadows. He smiled when he noticed you looking and you gave him one back before looking away before Kerry noticed the two of you. The commercial break ended and thankfully the next set of questions were more about your writing style and other inspirations for how your story played out plus what the disease was like while you were trying to heal from it.

After the interview you headed up to the main offices of the Daily Planet where you knew you’d find Clark at his desk. He was sitting there typing away as you approached and didn’t look up until you said, “Hey stranger.”

“Hey,” Clark stood, surprised to see you. He clearly hadn’t thought you’d come up to see him.

“Long time no see,” you leaned against his desk, your arms crossed over your chest so that he couldn’t see how badly your hands were shaking. He was still as handsome as ever, and you had to remind yourself that you were in a better place now. Those old feelings weren’t going to come rushing back just because you were in the same room as him. “How’ve you been?”

“Good,” he said, nodding his head slightly. “I’m glad you’re doing better… I worried about you when you were away.”

You gave him a small smile, “I worried about you too, Clark.”

He hesitated for a moment and then asked, “Do you want to have dinner tonight, like old times? If not that’s okay, but I’d really like to have a chance to talk with you.”

You nodded your head and said, “That sounds great. How about tonight at six?”

“That sounds fine, I’ll order in that way we don’t have to deal with anyone bugging you,” he said. He knew that your book had blown up and any interactions would be scrutinized and that someone would assume that he could be the one that caused you to have Hanahaki disease. They would be right, but he knew that you didn’t want to bring any trouble to his door.

You could have blasted him and told the world that Clark Kent was the man that gave you the disease, that you had fallen in love with your best friend, but he didn’t love you back. It had been heartbreaking, but people were entitled to their feelings. He had only ever seen you as a friend and you didn’t fault him for that.

When the day ended you headed to Clark’s, you would be leaving in a few days to make it to your next stop on the book tour. You were nervous for the rest of your travels so you were glad that you could have one night of peace with a friend. Was it weird that you still considered him a friend even though you hadn’t spoken in ages?

You had known one another for a long time that you didn’t think you would ever stop considering him a friend even if things never went back to how they were. He was still important to you.

Knocking on his door he quickly came to greet you, already you could smell a delicious aroma and knew that he had chosen your favorite place. You sighed happily as you stepped into his apartment, “Just as I remember it.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Is that a good thing?”

You patted his arm, “It’s comforting, don’t be so nervous Clark. We’ve had dinner together hundreds of times.”

“I know, but… things are different now,” he said, his sheepish smile dropping to a look of regret. “I just don’t want to upset you.”

“Clark if you’re afraid flowers are just going to start sprouting in my lungs again don’t. I’m fine,” you reassured him. “Now let's eat!”

Once the awkwardness faded away the two of you picked up like old times and you had a wonderful evening with him. You told him stories of people you had met in your counseling group and how wild they were as you all tried to find reasons to smile despite the pain the flowers caused. He was relieved to hear that you had support by your side as you went through therapy and treatments to help.

Halfway through desert he began coughing and at first everything was fine until you noticed a petal land on the table. Your eyes widened as you realized what this meant. Clark had Hanahaki disease. “I didn’t want you to know,” he said, his eyes not meeting yours as he crushed the petal in his hand.

“Who?” Your voice was soft.

“Lois,” he leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “It just started.”

Your heart broke for him, “At least it just started, the pain won’t be unbearable yet. It’ll be easier to reverse.”

“How?” He looked at you then, turning his head so that his gaze met yours. “I work with her, Y/N/N. I see her on a near constant basis. You were able to walk away, you didn’t have to see me all the time. She is a constant reminder of what’s happening inside me.”

You wracked your brain trying to find an answer or solution to Clark’s problem. “Come with me,” you said suddenly, startling him.

“What?”

“On my tour, you can follow me and write a story about me. No holds barred. No question too big or small. You’re the only person I would trust enough to do this with. You could get away from Metropolis and Lois and heal. If it’s still in the early stages it’s easier to reverse.” He still looked unsure. “Please just think about it. I leave in a few days, text me and let me know what you decide regardless if you come or not.”

He studied you and asked, “Are you sure?”

Rolling your eyes you smirked, “I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure.”

“I’ll think about it,” he promised.

Dinner ended shortly after that and you gave him a hug before you left. All the way to your hotel you wondered if Clark would take you up on your offer, and you wondered what would happen from here.

#Clark Kent x Reader #Clark Kent x Reader angst #Clark Kent #Clark Kent fanfic #Clark Kent fanfiction #Clark Kent angst #Requested

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imagine-lcorp · 4 years

Text

Between Two Lungs (One Shot)

A/N: Hello dears, so here it is the infamous fic I’ve been writing. I really hope this fullfils my dream of crushing your hearts once again and that you have a fun time agonizing over this final choice. Because yes, I’ve made this a multiending fic...As always, remember to tell me what you think, is it something you want me to keep doing for other fics? Also, how did you feel after this? pls let me know. Also i made this PLAYLIST if you want to add some feeling to this while reading... Enjoy!

Lena Luthor x R/Hanahaki AU//Word Count: 3,464

-------------------------------------------------

It is possible to die of a broken heart.

You look it up somewhere in the internet. It's similar to a heart attack, caused by a very strong and emotionally stressful event. The death of a loved one, a breakup, a betrayal. It's treatable and rarely fatal. Following the recommendations of your doctor, you can make a full recovery within weeks. Still, it is possible to die of it.

You don't have a broken heart. You wish you had one. Because love, the one only you feel, is growing inside of you and it is much worse than that.

Thankfully, compared to others your condition it's not as painful as it could be.

You have heard about people with roses inside them, how their thorns puncture their pharynges with every breath they take. Others don't get flowers. They get apple or cherry trees with their fruits pouring juice inside their lungs and out of their mouths. Some others have pines and spruces, with cones constricting their organs and rib-cages until they bones break.

So you look at the small white petal that lays in your hand and think that, in your case, it is something almost magnanimous.

Plumerias have no thorns and, even though some can be a bit thick, their branches are soft enough to bend around your heart and lungs without much trouble. Their petals, small and delicate, rise easily up your throat without lacerating it in a coughing fit.

Maybe, you want to think in a very optimist way, if you can keep that love from growing further, you won't have to suffer through it.

Maybe.

So you prescribe for your own heart solitude and abstinence.

The first one is the easiest.

You tell your friends you are sick and need some time to recover. Most of them get worried as they don't know yet what illness has fallen upon you in these troublesome times.

"You know, If you wanted, I could get you a full medical examination." Alex offers with a raised eyebrow, giving you the look of the always concerned big sister.

"Thanks, but it's alright." You assure them with a smile. "I was thinking about spending some time at home anyway."

After a lot of questions you manage to dodge in the end, they decide there's no reason to doubt your intentions. So they leave you to your own devices.

Homemade remedies, or herbicides depending on who you ask, seem to help as you spend your days at home. Drinking some salt water with lemon in the morning, or a couple of vinegar tablespoons in a cup of tea before going to bed. They don't taste that bad once you get used to the flavor and these help you ease the new bitterness that you taste in the back of your throat.

The second is a bit harder.

You have to stop yourself from dreaming her, thinking her, missing her.

She has texted you a few times already, wanting to know how you're doing and offering her help if you don't feel like you're doing okay on your own. You handle it as best as you can. You text back, consistently enough and with measured time and words, so you don't raise any red flags. When you don't seem to answer she calls, but just thinking about hearing her voice makes your chest hurt a little.

You never answer. She doesn't try to call again. You spit your first handful of flowers after that.

It's all fine, you lie to yourself, at least until the pain reaches your insides and white petals come out of you mouth dappled in red.

"You need to tell her." Kara says softly as she pats your back after another coughing fit.

You cover your mouth with your hand, making sure there are no signs of blood or petals as you tight it into a fist. "Tell who what?"

"Tell Lena about the flowers." She sighs when she fells you freeze under her touch. "Sorry. Alex told me if I could get a clear shot at your lungs maybe we could figure out how to help. I didn't expect it to be... well, flowers."

It shouldn't come as a surprise to you but you are still amazed at how easy it is to forget Kara has x-ray vision when she's not wearing her suit. With or without it, she's still the same caring and protective person you have always known. It also explains why she has been so adamant about having lunch together, at least once a week, after your failed attempt at convincing her you were doing well after a month alone. You couldn't expect less from your best friend, you remind yourself as you catch your breath.

"How do you know it's her?" The taste is bitter as you swallow the rest of blood and petals in your mouth.

"It's plumerias, isn't it?" She rubs your back again as you regain you posture. "They are her favorites."

There are a couple of red tainted petals in your palm when you open your hand. "Yeah, they are."

Kara looks at you and you see something in her you don't think you have ever seen before in the Girl of Steel. But you recognize it, because you feel the same way. Hopeless. Helpless. Powerless.

"(Y/N)." She says like she's already grieving. "It's spreading fast."

The easiest way to get ride of the disease is by removing its seed from your heart, the doctor says. No more than an hour in the operating room and your respiratory system would be as good as new. Common symptoms after the surgery can include aches between your shoulder blades, ribs, back of the neck or chest, weakness and hoarseness in your voice, and, in general, some memory loss and the inability to experiment intense or deep affection towards another person. Most of these stop shortly after you recover, except for the last one.

More experimental methods have been developed with the help of biotherapy. Experts in Japan are said to have reduced the spread of the flowers with other plants like kudzu or barberry, while someone in Europe has been using thrips to eat the plant and control its growth. It's like using maggots to eat your wounds, the doctor explains more enthusiastic than you feel.

You could, of course, try the simplest of things and confess your love.

It only takes to be loved in return for you to heal before any permanent damage is done. The seed that grows in your heart will almost instantly wither, the cough will purge the last of the flowers out of your lungs, and your recovery will last only a couple of weeks. You will breathe again.

But, if your love goes unrequited, you'll reach your fatal end in a matter of days. Doctors will give you a double dose of morphine or induce a coma trying to ease your pain. Flowers, fruits and cones bloom, branches and thorns grow. You convulse and gasp until your last breath when the biggest flowers come out of your mouth. All until your thorax is transformed, beautifully and violently, into a garden of flesh and blood.

Anyone who has seen it happen will tell you, how shocking it is to witness such a thing.

Whatever the case, this only serves to confirm what you already know. You can't be optimistic anymore.

You're dying and you will die, soon with flowers in your lungs or after many years with a loveless heart. Because this life and death of yours, you think, cannot be, shall not be, decided by a coin in the air.

And yet.

"It's flowers...in my lungs." You can almost tell which direction the flower stalks take inside your chest as the words form in your mouth.

"Oh." Lena says as she starts to fidget with her hands.

The anger, that had been growing inside her after weeks of vague replies and evasions, vanishes in her eyes the moment she understands what you're going through.

"Have you...talked to the other person?"

"No, not really. Not yet." You try not to lose your composure as you feel the flowers threatening to rise up your throat.

"Will you?" She asks.

You take a deep breath, feeling the gravity pull your already heavy heart down. "It's plumerias."

"Plumerias?" You can see the moment it dawns on Lena, and the look she gives you makes you wish again you could die of a broken heart instead.

"Miss Luthor, I'm sorry but the board meeting will start shortly."

Jess opens the door a second later and it gives you time to look at the other side and place your hand in your chest. As if that could possibly stop your heart and lungs from collapsing.

"Thank you, Jess. I'll be there." Lena dismisses her with a nod and looks again at you.

She doesn't say anything else and you feel a coughing fit building in your lungs. Stronger than you have ever felt it.

"(Y/N)!" She leaves her chair, running towards you.

You cover your mouth as your chest feels like a boxer is using it as a punching bag. I doesn't feel like it will end quick and when it finally does the only thing that remains is pain.

You thank the chair that holds you in place as you catch your breath.

"I'm fine. It's fine." You don't want her to see it, but she manages to catch a glimpse of the bloody petals that cover your palm once you recover.

"No, it's not, (Y/N). You're dying and I-"

"It's not your fault." You cut her off, shaking your head and taking a little napkin from you pocket to clean yourself as best as you can.

The death, the break, the betrayal. You feel it all as worry and pity finally merge in her eyes. There's also guilt when she looks at you. It is there along with everything else she doesn't feel for you. So you don't want an apology, especially not from her, especially not like this.

"You're my friend and I just- I wanted you to know. I got my surgery already programmed."

"Surgery?" You watch her draw back a bit in surprise.

"I'll be fine." You lie again.

"(Y/N), I-"

"Miss Luthor, the board-"

"I know!" Lena snaps and, when she realizes the magnitude of her reaction, she retracts, taking a deep breath for herself before answering. "Sorry, yes. Do you think you could hold it for a minute?"

"You should go." You say with a small voice before any of them can say more. "The meeting, sounds important."

"(Y/N)..." The way she pronounces your name makes you want to be over with this already. You just can't stand it anymore.

"We'll talk later." You say. "We got time."

She wants to argue, you know, but you won't, can't, do it. Still, you pull a little smile for her.

"We'll talk later." She replies with a nod.

There will be time for another conversation. There will be time. There will be time. There will be time. You repeat it like a mantra to help you carry yourself out of her office.

Everything else after that passes like a blur.

You know you reach the front door of the building, with the voice of the receptionist behind your back offering to call for help. You stumble on the sidewalk trying to hold onto light poles and signposts to keep yourself from falling. You clutch your hand in your chest as the pain reaches its peak. Flowers come pouring out of your mouth and you gasp for air as you finally fall.

You're delirious by the time you land on the hospital bed.

Many faces come and go then, doctors, nurses, friends, ghosts, both the living and the death. The only constants are your dying gasps and the painful beating of your heart until the morphine does its work. It helps you see, with certain clarity the only face that can make a difference.

"You listen to me, alright? I'm sorry I didn't say anything earlier." You open your heavy lids at the sound of her voice, and you see those emerald eyes for what could be the last time. "I love you, (Y/N), please, I love you."

You hear her words, or you don't, or it is simply to late to care anymore. The coin is in the air and there's no more time.

***

☞ You let yourself drift into darkness as the plumerias are pulled to a better light. The garden is gone and what is left behind is only an empty carcass. You cannot stand the emptiness and your heart does what it should have done from the beginning. It breaks and breaks and breaks...

***

☞ Your mind tries to grasp her words but you find your heart too weak to keep a hold of them. So you let them pass through like a shadow. No need for them anymore as the anesthesia and the scalpel give you a break from all this suffering. There will be no flowers and it is, truly, not as bad as it could be...

***

☞ Her words suddenly hit you in their full meaning and your mind does its best to keep and save them into your heart. Even through branches and petals, it has the effect of an echo chamber, repeating those words like a healing prayer. I love you. I love you. I love you...

#Between Two Lungs #One shot #lena luthor #lena luthor x reader #lena luthor imagine #lena luthor imagines #lena luthor x you #lena x reader #lena x you

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