#also ive been busy lol so its taking a bit long but

[link-rejoin]

priecīgus Līgo svētkus ! / happy summer solstice ! :]

there havent been too many posts recently.... i wonder... perhaps does that mean i am working on something big ? who knows

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

[anzynai]

Oh, are requests open? Weeell, maybe a little something with the Leech twins and lee!reader (platonic), if you're okay with it? 👉🏻👈🏻✨

Have a nice day Jai <3

Two Times the Trouble

Jade & Floyd & Reader (Twisted Wonderland)

a/n: ANON I LOVE U SO MUCH FOR THIS. i love this request!!! anyways i did pour my heart onto this fic!! i struggled a little more that i thought i would?? the idea was a bit difficult but i think i made it work! this is the first request from the batch of TWST requests ive received (a long time ago, unfortunately, but im choosing to blame it on the fact i was doing my SS fic..) so sorry the request took forever but at least its here now LOL hope u enjoy!! ALSO FIRST FIC FOR THE NEW YEAR LETS GO

summary: when floyd learns of your ticklishness, you are already on edge around him. you didn’t know you had to be wary of his twin, too.

word count: 1.5k

——

You might be in trouble. You might really be in trouble.

It all started just a few minutes earlier. You were in class, minding your own business! Of course, Floyd was in the class, but so was Jade. Azul.. was not, and the only reason you noticed because somehow the three of them were almost always together, unless they weren’t..?

Anyway, Floyd usually only interacted with Jade or Riddle, if he was in the mood for teasing the housewarden. He didn’t really talk to you all that much.

So obviously, you were surprised when he apparently had decided to change his target for the day to you, plopping down in the seat next to you. Grim often sat there and you could hear his protests, but Floyd either didn’t hear or pretended not to. Eventually, Grim grumbled and just moved to sitting on top of your desk. He was small enough.

“What’s up, Shrimpy?” Floyd drawled, a small grin on his face, showing his spiky teeth. It must be a Moray thing, you thought offhandedly.

“Oh, hey, Floyd.” You greeted him back with a small smile. Mostly out of politeness because you had no idea what he was doing there.

“M’ bored. Jade won’t entertain me. And Goldfishie’s not here.” He sighed, sadly, though, it did not sound genuine at all.

“That sounds annoying.” You said, but you start focusing your attention away from him and to Professor Trein, who began speaking. And… you really didn’t want to get on his bad side.

“Yeah, you get it, Shrimpy. That’s why you’re gonna entertain me today!” Floyd grinned, a large toothy smile, almost like an innocent child.

“Am I?” You asked, though it was more of a “response” than a question. You looked down at your notebook, jotting down notes as Trein lectured, pouting when you saw Grim snoozing away. Usually, Trein noticed right away, but he seemed very invested in his lecture today.

“Mhm!” Floyd said, slowly, before he decided to try annoying you. From taking away your notebook so you couldn’t write it down, from kicking your chair, from grabbing every little thing he could get his hands on. You began feeling pity for Riddle. You had always thought he was exaggerating, but you swore you could feel yourself popping a blood vessel every two seconds.

Suddenly, Floyd decided that stealing your items were too boring and he resorted to poking you instead. Again. And again. And again.

“Would you sto-AH!” You tried whispering but then he poked a spot on your side and you couldn’t hold back your squeal.

“Everything alright over there?” Trein asked, seemingly annoyed that his class was disrupted.

“I—uh yeah!” You stuttered out, embarrassed as everyone turned towards the two of you. You glanced over, hoping that Floyd didn’t notice, but the scary grin on his face told you otherwise. For the rest of class, he kept poking your side and you found yourself unable to focus on the lesson, trying your hardest not to giggle.

“I’m gonna squeeze ya!” Floyd exclaimed, though a bit quietly. When the bell rang, you were the first one out the door.

You didn’t notice that Jade had been watching the two of you the entire time.

——

“Floyd, leave me alone!” You shrieked, running around the mostly empty lounge. You decided to get a quick snack from there since you were about to dive headfirst into an all-night study session for the Alchemy test coming up and you figured that making sure you weren’t hungry would.. help.

It was supposed to be in and out. Quick and easy.

It was not in and out.

Floyd was clearly still interested by his discovery, which even you had thought he had forgotten about. Really, he got bored of most things so quickly so why not now!?

So brings you to the present, him chasing you, wiggling his fingers menacingly and you running as far from him as you can. Azul sighed, used to Floyd’s antics.

“Just don’t mess up the lounge… or you’ll be cleaning it all by yourself.” He said, before walking away and into the kitchen.

You, on the other hand, ran towards Jade, who had been watching you guys with amusement. He seemed like he was wondering whether he should continue watching or help you and well, you decided it for him.

“Jade, help!” You exclaim, ducking behind him and using him as cover. You guys hopefully seemed friends enough to be able to do this, so you were obviously gonna use it to your advantage!

“Now, Floyd, don’t be like this..” Jade started, a pleasant smile on his face that had you sighing in relief and Floyd groaning in disappointment.

“Come on, Jade, just let me squeeze 'em..”

“Look at them, don’t you think they’d be too sensitive to endure your wrath?” Jade added and you could see the exact moment Floyd’s gaze lit up and all hopes of mercy on your poor, unfortunate soul were shattered. But before you could move, Jade grabbed your wrist, locking your arms up easily. You struggled in his grasp, but it was no use. It wasn’t even as if you were weak! What did he eat anyway?! Were moray just stronger?

“Jade.. How could you do this to me..?!” You shouted, betrayed, gulping when Floyd walked towards you, menacingly. It was fast-paced, but to you, it felt like he was walking in slow-motion.

“I must apologize. However, I should indulge both myself and my dear brother at times. You must understand.” Jade said, though there was not an ounce of guilt on his face. Your arms, which were hooked up from Jade’s arms were suddenly released, but that didn’t mean you could escape. Instead, Jade wrapped his arms around your waist and began tickling your sides. And Floyd, well, he pounced and started tickling your stomach, your armpits, pretty much anywhere he could get his hands on.

“N-nOHOHOHO, w-why?!” You cried, feeling overwhelmed by the fact that the Leech twins were so easily tickling you.

“Oooh, Shrimpy, already broke ya, huh?” Floyd teased. He was more on the rougher side of tickling, pinching and squeezing your sensitive skin, while Jade was more gentle, with light grazes and scribbles which were still so evil.

“Ehehehe shuhuhut uhuhup!” You looked around, feeling embarrassed, but the lounge was mostly empty and those who were there seemed occupied with other things so they didn’t pay attention to you. You looked back at the Leech twins, flailing in their arms, but Jade managed to pull your arms above your head with his hand, despite your flailing.

“You’re really going to say that to us? Now, don’t be so mean. You might hurt my feelings.” Jade chucked, deep and low. You knew that what he said was complete bullshit, but you couldn’t comment on it, too caught up on the hands on your body.

They were relentless, that much you could tell. It felt like they were trying to find the spots that made you tick and react the most and you could feel that this wasn’t the last time they’d tickle you like this.

“Plehehehease!” You giggle instead, unable to find the words to respond.

“Please what, Shrimpy? You’re so ticklish already!” Floyd giggled, his hands grasping against your sides and occasionally drifting over towards your stomach.

“Now, now, Floyd. I’d say that they are faring quite well.”

“W-WAHAHAHAHH!” Is your response, apparently. You could just die right now. You never imagined that today would be the day you found yourself being tickled to absolute pieces, by none other than the Leech twins! You began wondering how Azul ever put up with them! Knowing how they’re acting now, you’re sure the three of them have engaged in some sort of tickle-fights, if the experience they very obviously had was anything to go by.

“Sure about that, Jade? They’re like a squeak toy!” You tried to put your lips together. That.. lasted about half a second before you found it hard to keep your mouth shut, eliciting the noises that Floyd had just compared to a toy. “Squeak, squeak!” Floyd chirped, squeezing like you were, in fact, a toy.

“Nohohohoho!!” You shriek, laughing and laughing. The fingers on your body were unrelenting and you could feel tears of mirth begin to prick at your eyes. They hadn’t even gotten your worst spot, and Jade was barely even tickling you, more focused on holding you so Floyd could get more access. Still… you were feeling a bit overwhelmed.

It seemed Jade was watching your reactions, though, because he muttered Floyd’s name. Either that, or he just conveniently and coincidentally noticed at the exact time you were reaching your limit. It didn’t matter, because he had let go of you and Floyd, instead of tickling you, slung his arm over your shoulder, leaning. You felt exhausted, so you just dropped your head, using his arm as a headrest.

“That was super fun, Shrimpy! We gotta do that again sometime!” Floyd laughed, heartily and cheerfully.

“Hopefully not too soon…” You muttered, under your breath, causing Floyd to laugh harder.

“I agree. I wouldn’t mind this scenario happening again.” Jade nodded, poking your side and smirking when you flinch and glare.

“Not you too..” You pout, though you couldn’t hold back a smile. You hadn’t really thought about where you stood with the twins before, but you found that you didn’t ever mind their presence either. In fact, you could feel yourself hoping for times like this to occur more, as well.

[beesmygod]

hmmm. was olga more "respectable" than maxine, for lack of a better word? we know she was the head of the coven, but would that mean respect from people outside of magic practitioners? or because of the way the world is set, there is not really a sharp divide between people that meddle with magic and spirits and people who dont? im asking bc i find the theme of legacy super interesting when it comes up (do people think that maxine is dragging the gottwin name through the mud? or do they shrug their shoulders bc who gives a damn about what an exterminator does and doesnt do?)

this is a good question and warranted a good answer, sorry for the delay.

there are a couple things at play here:

the position of "town witch"/coven leader was once significantly more prestigious than it is today. what used to be a position as essential as the fire or police chief has been worn away by technological advancements; her position was essentially replaced with extermination as a global business model after the rise of the cheap, electronic anti-ghost devices. maxine inherited a defunct position and failing business.

the divide between those who practice magic and those who don't is, funnily enough, the same as my view on why people make art and others don't: they don't enjoy doing the process. its messy, its complicated, it takes a long time, doesn't have guaranteed results, and it involves dead things in one way or another. sometimes it's just easier to call someone to do the process for you when you can't be bothered to work on your pronunciation of magic words. in this way, a witch is sort of like a plumber or a mural artist. explicitly for hire to do something you don't want to deal with yourself because it might be out of your skill range/take too long to learn the skills. so olga's reputation did suffer a little bit from the irrational public assessment of extermination as a "messy" business.

there's also an unfortunate stain on the gottwin name that maxine inherited long before her grandmother died: her father ran away from home in his teens because he and olga fought viciously and publicly. no one heard anything else about him until he died, and it was a surprise to everyone (including olga) that maxine even existed at all. so the rumor mill started churning: what did olga do that upset her son so badly? by the time olga died, people seemed to understand that the family was cracked beyond repair; behaviors that were more acceptable in the decades before the events of the comic were looked at in hindsight as painful and cruel. and since maxine, public nuisance, was the end result of olga's work it's hard for the public not to lay the blame at her feet.

so, maxine is caught in a sort of weird nostalgic hell where people can simultaneously tut-tut her for not being enough like her grandmother or for being too much like her. lol. this was a ramble but i hope it was interesting. im folding most of this into the comic but a lot of it i just try to keep in my brain when writing and thinking about them both.

ive been thinking more and more about olga as we approach parts where we're be flashing back to maxine's childhood and approach the next (final?) book. "books" are the huge overarching storylines as opposed to individual chapters, so there's still a lot of AGS to go. i want to explore character motivations so much i just need the power and energy to do so again.

[thecraziness]

looks left and right . two-bit x chill male reader where reader takes care of this stupid idiot while drunk thanks snooks 😝😝

AHH SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG ive been really busy lol

this is actually trash but i swear i tried. if u hate it lmk ill write u a new one trust. ALSO SORRY ITS SO SHORTTTT

word count: 402

-------------------------

It was supposed to be a quiet night. You'd come home from a long day working at the gas station. It had been busy, and you had been looking forward to falling asleep in your chair while the tv played. You were just settling in, when a loud knock came from the door. You groaned. All you wanted rto do was relax, was that so much to ask? You debated not answering, but what if it was important?

Walking over, you opened the door to reveal...your boyfriend standing on the stoop. Two-bit. You loved Two, really you did, but c'mon.

"Hey Two. Whats up?" you asked, trying to stifle your annoyance.

Two -Bit laughed. "Not much man" he slurred. "Just wanted to, uh, say i lo'e you to my boyfriend ya know?"

Your annoyance turned to concern when you realized that Two-bit was drunk. He did this a lot, but you could never shake that protective concern. What if this was the time that something bad happened?

Two stepped forward-to hug or kiss you, you weren't sure- and almost fell off the step, startling you. "jeez Two. You better come in man," you told him. You didn't give him a choice, grabbing his hand and helping you in.

"Thank ya, love."

'Don't mention it, you little rat. Come on, i guess I'll get you to bed and all."

Throwing his arms out, Two bit proclaimed,"Do't i got the best boyfriend everyone?" to the kitchen, and then proceeded to try and give you a sloppy kiss.

"Stop it you arse."

Putting your arm around him, you helped him up to your room, where you helped him into the bed.

"Aw c'mon love. I ain;t tired at all. " Two bit told you as you helped him lay down.

"I know man, but ya need to sleep."

Rolling his eyes, he grumbled "I do't need sleep, 'm as fit as darry. I can go ragin' 'n' roarin' fo hours man."

"Sure sure. I know."

You went to the bathroom to grab the trashcan, a towel underneath, and 2 ibuprofen. When you got back to the room, you found two asleep. Pausing in the doorway, you watched your boyfriend sleep. He looked a lot younger asleep then he did awake. Sure, Two-bit could be a pain in the butt, always showing up drunk, but it was moments like these when you really appreciated him.

[lucabyte]

HOWDY! *slams pile of papers on the desk* i have Inquiries. OKAY SO-

1.) i know the bridge between infurno and purrgatorio is Ali realizing they cant leave, so like, whats pawradisio???

2.) wtf happens ta Ali durin the 'age ???' section of their design timeline. what type cult stuff do they get involved w and how. its haunting me i needa know

3.) whats with the 3 year memory erasing thing in that one ali purrgatorio relationship chart. Really funny chart ive shared it w a few friends but also im staring intently at it like Huh What O_O

4.) what is mymk's final form? is it gonna be written, a comic, etc?

5.) got any music you associate w any mymk characters/ali? besides like, in canon reasons like Chrome more like any songs/artists/lyrics that remind u of anya em :0??

anyway yeah huge fan! also hope ur vacation's fun!

Hehe hi :)

1. We shall get there when we get there <3 my lips are sealed. Though I will say, there are further books by Dante one can animal-pun the titles of... Though they aren't part of the divine comedy..... (Alludes vaguely to plans that will inevitably take me years)

2. Okay so spoilers for Creature Feature, Ali's home setting (and @samhainian's thing) (because this is all a bit of an open secret) but Ali is, as I've alluded to previously, an Antagonist.

Creature Feature is a real world adjacent setting, set in our modern day, only with all manner of monsters and cryptids living secretly alongside humans. Ali lives in Wraithbrook, a hidden town populated primarily by monsters (albeit, most everyone still upholds a disguise, just in case). Being a (very) small town with an effectively captive population.... The post-high-school ennui tends to set in bad for people. Hope you enjoy the family businesses, kids.

So... This leaves the listless vulnerable. And boy is Ali a bit malleable. A trusted figure in their life takes advantage of this, part of an accellerationist group looking to break these confines, having singled them out as candidate for their most recent attempt to mold a magic user into a weapon to shatter the veil. And, well, if you've got a self-hating isolated guy who is predisposed to a bit of Catholicism already... Why not utilise the concept of the antichrist? They will be bringing a world together, in a way... And when you've been around as long as some immortal librarians have, doing a little bit of time dilation in the later stages of indoctrination isn't thaaaaat hard... Sooooo....

(But don't worry. They get better. Eventually. At least they look it. Everything is A-OK!!!)

(as for if purrgatorio is canon to this timeline....? Yes! But in a fucked up way! Can't make it too easy for the little guy....)

3. Okay so I was coy literally a sentence ago but yeah purrgatorio is set dead on like.. at the exact same time MYMK proper *should* start. Thus, it cannot exist at the same time as the main story... Ali's narrative powers keep them from being subsumed by the universe and just becoming a funny animal themselves.

But should a time come where Ali is *gone*, and the world is similar enough to the moments before they arrived? Well, the narrative can just pretend the time hasn't passed! Just, don't think too hard about your count of how many Halloweens and Christmasses you've had doesn't really line up....

(A normal person would simply name Purrgatorio noncanon, but hey, if Ali's whole thing is that they manipulate reality like a Narrative... Well. May as well use it! So once canon is over for both parties, things can start creeping back in. It's needlessly overcomplicated but I'm having fun)

4. Written with illustrations! An Online picture book, I suppose. I was initially damning myself to a comic, but after playing in the space with Purrgatorio, I realised I prefer prose. I'll probably write the thing in whole and then release it bit by bit as I work on the illustrations? I have a working outline as of right now and it's not a super long story lol. But its likely going to come after some practice with smaller projects like my reworking of Hazeclan and maybe Damonquest (name pending) (the latter featuring a cut main character of mymk lol)

So! ETA: a while. But we stay silly

5. OKAY.... so I can't link character playlists sadly since they don't exist (..... Yet.) and I'll stick primarily to our at present Purrgatorio cast.

I am like. Famously bad with identifying songs (<- usb stick full of songs on shuffle in the car as a kid) but I have been trying to put thought into this recently (my gold standard for this being my friend @teddymedley who's so good with character songs I did ask him for some vibe checks for this even)

So these are messy and some are like, inherited from earlier drafts of the characters so can be a bit off but I'll give a handful and their reasonings. (No links or embeds though I'm on mobile and Tumblr might eat my visibility if I do. I'll reply with some though)

[Ali Alighieri]

1. "Here comes the flood" by the Divine Comedy (self explanatory really, that animatic will exist someday I promise. This is THE big one to me, but @samhainian may have a different top spot opinion lol) Bonus: it has a demo version that also fucks supremely

2. "All the angels (demo)" by MCR. (Ali is not the MCR sibling, they're the P!ATD sibling. But I don't listen to panic lol)

3. "If you could save yourself you'd save us all" by Ween (peak "sorry what was that line just there?" song)

4. "In the meantime" by Spacehog (I like Spacehog. Everyone gets a spacehog song yaaay)

5. "Here comes the sun" cover by Ghost (not their style of music at ALL and you KNOW they're contrarian about the Beatles, but grim irony is such a vibe here)

[Chromium Mono]

1. "Manicure" by Lady Gaga (this is such a flippant "because I said so" choice lol)

2. "Let it grow" by Renaissance (this is such a nice cheesy song. I like to think of this as speaking to the actual nice loving guy chrome can be when he's not being a prickly bitch)

3. Kissing Ancaps by Patricia Taxxon (... GOD this song is way too cool or smart for chrome lol. It's a chrometab song to me because of the big words and cynicism. It's too modern and online for them but I'm attached to it... Also it contains a sample from let it grow)

4. "Run away with me" by Carly Rae Jepsen (more vibes based! Love some ms jepsen. But at least has a coherent theme wrt to eloping lol)

Bonus: oh god I really have to finish the voiceclaim video I was making. Premiere kept melting on me but I should probably let the world know chrome sounds like Donald Glover huh. The marshall lee to live action Simba pipeline.....

Bonus 2: @teddymedley suggested "Ratchet" by Bloc Party, with the phrasing "subject matter younger chrome sound older chrome" which I like!

[Tabitha Boss]

1. "Cable Rat King" by Gem Milsom (this one genuinely feels like a solid choice to me. It's polite and tentative and about depressive spirals, and is from the same album as the Number One Main Labyrinthine song, Pipes. That animatic will exist someday too I promise)

2. "This too shall pass" by OK GO (Preferably the brass band version. I think Tabitha would adore their videos, he'd be delighted by the moving parts and generally light tone. Also, Labyrinthine has a different "this too shall pass", being by Danny Schmidt)

3. "When will you die?" By TMBG (goofy song. But you get it.)

4. "Zeroes" by Spacehog (Spacehog again 👍)

Bonus: Jimmy buffet discography. He is living on island time baby

Bonus 2: @teddymedley assigned "Happy Hour" by Eels and I think the strange upbeat lethargic energy fits

[Lavender Wafeu]

Lavender is really funny because I honest to god don't think she listens to much music. This means I barely associate music with her apparently.

However @teddymedley did suggest "Black Rainbows" from Hawaii: Part 2, and I think that's better than any of my previous notes. Those previous notes being entirely the words "Little shop of horrors". She, Knives and Mafioso do also share an association with "Panda Hero" by Hachi but that's more visual to me?

I have however begun associating some Zelda OST tracks with her though... Hmmm....!

[Markus Felidae]

This poor bastard has shed and gained characterisation recently enough to have shook the MCR out of their system.... I don't have all that much for them.

Now. Hm. I think I'd have to go with some very on the nose musical tracks? My mind immediately goes to the opening track to Disney's Notre Dame, and maybe like, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats? These are such dreadful picks lol. Sorry buddy, characterisation overhaul syndrome. They probably also would listen to P!ATD same as Ali though so do with that what you will.

Bonus: in Markus' earliest iteration over 10 years ago..hrm. long story short, 121 guns is so fucking unfitting but it's lodged there forever lol

[Lupus Felidae]

Lupus is associated in my head with the kind of dub anime opening best codified by 4kids era Pokémon. Like the ideal song here is that one from Yugioh. "No matter what"? That kind of cheese and boyish power of friendship. "OK!!" From the JP endings of anipoke goes here too it's cute to me.

"I can go the distance" from Disney's Hercules is also up there for the same vibes. She's just silly and having fun!

Bonus: "Don't let's start" by TMBG is a Miao song to me, but in relation to her family. So it's also Lupus and Markus' by association.

[Ess Somil]

The idea of an ess playlist is hysterical to me. I feel like it's a Mother 3 battle theme in that man's head all the time. What's your time signature boy.

Anyway, "Numbers" by Neil Cicierega. Since it is overwhelming enough of a soundscape. Or just "Doctor Worm" by TMBG. For that they live in the soil.

.... And that's probably enough!!! This ask is very long now! Sorry it took a while to answer lmaooo. I've been very busy but it's been nice to chip away at during my downtime! Thank you so much for the questions :)

[thelovelylolly]

Hii, first of all congrats with ur followers, ur blog is awesome and u r so underrated! I was wondering if you could maybe do a frank castle x lil sister reader where frank after the accident with his family told her he didnt want her to have anything to do with her too "keep her safe" because we all know how he is like that. And then later on he finds out she became damn good navy pilot but got in a plane crash?

Sorry if this is too much lol ofcourse only write if you feel comfortable doing so :))

Fly Away

Summary : You brother, your best friend, pushes you way after losing his wife and kids to "keep you safe". But the next time Frank sees you, he may be too late. Warnings : you already know its angst time baby, mentions of death, mention of near-death experience, hurt/comfort, mentions of injuries, plane crash, platonic frank x reader! Notes : hi! thank you for the kind words and the request! i hope you enjoy it <3 (also sorry for taking so long to write and post this, ive been feeling under the weather for a few days but im feeling a bit better now!)

"You can't keep doing this, Frank! You can't keep pushing me away!"

You and Frank had been arguing with each other for at least an hour now. It had been a few months since he had lost his wife and kids, the funeral only being a week or so ago. He slowly drifted away from you in that time, trying to push you further and further away. As his only family left, you stayed by him through it all. You didn't want him to grieve by himself, you didn't want him to be alone.

"You don't understand," Frank grumbled in reply.

"I don't understand?! Tell me what I don't understand!"

"I've been fighting a war for years now and I come back to my family, to my wife, only for them to be taken away from me! I just got them back and now, they're gone! Every night, I have nightmares and now it's not just from those nights overseas. It's from that day at the park...the day I lost everything."

"But you didn't lost everything, Frank-"

"I did! I did lose everything that day! They were my everything. Maria, Lisa, and Frankie were my everything! They were my family, my life. They were the reason I fought for this country."

"So, what? A-am I nothing to you?" You asked, tears starting to sting your eyes. You didn't want to cry in front of your brother, but he just brushed you off like you were nothing. Like you were by his side through everything, through thick and thin.

"You know I don't mean it like that-"

"No, I know exactly what you mean. You don't want me here, you want me to leave you alone. Since you clearly don't care about me, I guess I'll be going."

You grabbed your bag and started towards the door. You knew Frank wanted to say something, but he just wouldn't. You stopped in front of the door, looking back at him.

"Maria was my sister. Lisa and Frankie were my niece and nephew. I loved them. They were my family, too. You weren't the only person who lost family that day."

With that, you left, slamming the door behind you. Frank stood still, holding back tears until your car drove off. Then, he broke down. He sat down on the couch and sobs racked his body. He shouldn't have said those things to you. You stayed by his side through everything and all he wanted to do was push you away, to keep you safe.

Frank got want he wanted and his house had never felt lonelier.

--

One year. One entire year passed since Frank heard from you. He was too busy seeking revenge for his family to try to contact you and if he did, it may put you in danger. Once he discovered what had really happened that day at the park and got the justice he wanted, Frank went underground.

He thought that was it. He would live with the nightmares of war and losing his family. He would live with the regret of pushing you away.

Until he saw a news story. 'TOP NAVY PILOT NEARLY KILLED IN CRASH.'

Frank thought it was nothing, but then he read the pilot's name. Your name. Frank immediately wanted to find you, to see you and apologize. He wanted to fix things before it was too late, but no one could reach him. He wasn't Frank Castle anymore.

So, he called in a favor from Madani. She helped him the best she could. She found the hospital you were at, scheduled a visit for him with his fake name, and made sure it would be private.

The day of the visit, Frank had drove to the hospital but hesitated going in. What if you didn't want to see him? Were you even conscious? How bad were your injuries? The thought of you laying limp in a hospital bed broke his heart. Maybe it was a bad idea to come-

No, he was your brother. He was the last of your family. He was going to see you.

Frank got out of the car and walked into the hospital, keeping his head low as he approached the front desk. The sweet lady at the front desk told him where your room was and he thanked her before going through the sterile halls.

He stopped in front of your door, your name being written on a small board in dry erase marker. No one else was in the hallway, but Frank could hear the hum of nurses and machines just around the corner. He kept looking at the room number and your name, like he was unsure if it was the right room.

Finally, Frank took a deep breath and pushed the door open. He braced himself for the worst. There you were, laying in a hospital bed with wires and tubes attached to you. You were looking out the window, at the sky. When the door shut, you finally looked over.

Your soft smile faltered when you saw Frank. You could already feel tears pooling in your eyes and your bottom lip begin to quiver. It took him a whole year and a near death experience to find you, but he was here now.

"Frank," you said softly, trying to smile through your tears.

Frank smiled back and quickly crossed the room to be at your side. He pulled up a chair and took your hand in his, running his thumb over the back of your hand.

"W-what are you doing here?" You asked, using your other hand to try to wipe away the tears that had slipped down your cheeks.

"I'm here to see you, I...I saw what happened and I was so scared that I would lose you. I-I needed to see you before it was too late," he answered, tearing up himself.

"I was scared I wasn't going to s-see you again, Frank. I thought I was going to d-die and never get to apologize."

"Apologize? Why would you have to apologize? I was the one acting like a jerk."

"I treated you unfairly, Frank. You were grieving and I wanted to be there, but you didn't need me there all the time. I should've just left you alone-"

"No. I should've let you stayed with me, I-I was being stubborn and I wish I didn't push you away. I regret that everyday."

You took a shaky breath and squeezed Frank's hand. "I wish I found you sooner. I missed you so much, Frank."

"I missed you, too."

He leaned forward and brushed a loose piece of hair out of your face and wiped some of the stray tears away. He then sat back in his chair, his hand still in yours. "So, flying, huh?"

You laughed. "Top of my class."

Frank stayed there for hours, holding your hand and talking to you. He missed this.

[bentosandbox]

I don’t know if anyone had asked this yet but I wanna know your opinions on vernal wind(after reading ur qiubai skin review) and what do you expect the story to go on after the event?

WOW sorry i took so long to reply this the next sui story already came out (although i haven't read it yet) but i did just finish reading silberneherze and it reminded me of vernal a lot so i finally managed to frame my thoughts(?) also did i review her skin i can't find the post so sorry if i repeat anything ive said before lol anyway

disclaimers: 1) didn't reread before typing this so i prob forgot a load of stuff 2) subjective as hell

Vernal was so aarhhhhgggg not bad but it was so... Traditional Wuxia which I thought I would be happy to read but bruh. they played every trope a bit too straight imo. i think the main thing that stuck with me was the crazy levels of filial piety which isn't a bad thing per se but come on. waaifu's dad. shakes my head i think ya01 should have destroyed him. i think wei should also have been bedridden bare minimum or something from the early encounter just from main story karma. only rat king gets to go scot free cause hes actually a nice dad to lin so i guess it makes sense she's like no no 'i'll continue the family business' i remember reading the story for the first time and being like (woozy emoji) over lin saying she'll take over because it was so.. girl youre probably not even 25 yet and you just put on some heavy af shackles which was so very 'the Right thing to do' great character flaw(?) for someone supposedly morally 'Not Good' i suppose

this avengers ahh looking CG... everytime i think about the context its just SIGH they really just girlies gang up!! and then Ya just 'aight cya' maybe im just salty du yaoye isn't in it and still isn't playable just undercooked as fuck banger image but weak setup and payoff there was no satisfaction to be gained other than 'nice art' (for me)

like... basically every girl in the picture's main motivation in the story is related to some guy which was so zzzzz to chew about when thinking about a bigger picture. actually maybe even every woman even jieyun's teacher i think only lin gets to go off the hook because of that lungwrath scene (probably my fave part of the event) so pathetic... so human... ok i know im bias

Chongyue: honestly i was kinda zzz-ing at the boss fight idk i guess there is a kind of 'damn even now when fighting he's alone lol' but other than that i was just like 'okaaaaay'

anyway silver lake spoilers below

leto's dad sucks but he's still at least 50 times better than waaifu's and i feel like degenbrecher is in a similar place where chongyue was except she basically goes idgaf and i enjoyed that very much

and just the littlest thoughts on Here A Peoples Sow (will they fix this title for global) because... funny i said how vernal was so 'traditional'. they literally flipped 男耕女织 (Men Till and Women Weave) basically feudal era? traditional division of labour with Shu and Jie lmaoooo

[pilotheather]

we're back

youre trying so fucking hard to set up this unit spin off. im going to be horribly honest with you: i dont really care, and i think this is such a corny way to do it. i think torchwood (the show) is something people see with rose-tinted glasses a lot of the time, but i do think its slower introduction to the characters, completely isolated to its own tv show, made more sense. i feel like this weird vibe of just setting up these big personalities who all neatly fit into the exact archetypes you'd Expect... i dont know. i dont care for any of them. i love big weird non human robot-adjacent entities and i dont even care. and that fucker has cable-like tentacles too. i should be sold.

i think its also cuz they are like so obviously these Scifi archetypes for shows like this which is fine but leading first with a quickfire round of rather than getting a softer introduction to them just sort ofmakes them feel like fake cartoons. i think thats sorta why ive never truly warmed to paternoster gang too.

like i think my issue - and im welcome to be proved wrong, whenever we do get this unit spinoff - is i feel like its leading with the idea of "i want a spinoff" first rather than an attempt to fill a specific niche or hole for stories. i feel like sja and torchwood were both very specifically shows that would be in the universe, but would cater to things that would not suit the proper show, and had their own cast driving it.

like i'll be honest i like kate but ummmm im not sure i like her enough to follow her into a spin off. LOL.

sorry thats my hater era over im 2 seconds in

oh no nevermind i also hate big budget takes itself too seriously bullshit wheres the losers

is rose still meant to be like 15. her in business casual for the day job at unit.

okay The Vlinx.

WHYS THERE A LITTLE BEEFCAKE SECURITY GUARD. IS HE LIKE YOUR LITTLE BOYTOY, UNIT? sorry hes not even my typ. harriets really cute though

sorery i still dgaf

rtd and his anagrams. christ.

ive been laughing all day about a reddit comment that said "rtd is a" and i cant stop laughing at it and i dont know anyone who will find that funny in my life so i cant even

WHY ARE THEY JUST FUCKING

SORRY THATS SO FUNNY THEY WERE LIKE LETS QUICKFIRE ADDRESS THE STUPID MYSTERY BOXES. SUSAN. TARDIS... S TRIAD.... SUSAN AGAIN.

i really fucking hope it isnt susan. people have said it before but i just feel like ive always liked the idea of jsut leaving her be. dont revisit it. its fine.

sorry help me why are they just pulling everything out help me

i feel like theyre trying to be too meta about it and not in like a clever way its just like a lets state the obvious to everyoneits that vclassic TELLING NO SHOWING that i feel like christ it keeps ... feeling like the writing is doing that so much

CAN ANYONE TALK ABOUT HOW NCUTI LOOKS IN THE LEATHER JACKET BTW?

soery its like not even 10 minutes in and im like already feeling like a hater i just i dont know i feel like so im fine with them cashing in on nostalgia and being a bit self aware in finales sometimes but i feel like this and then the trilogy last year... LOOK most dw finales and special eps of the nu era are kind of rooted in some sort of classic right its like dalek dalek cyberman master dalek lets go to gallifrey for this one but its like still at least one thing sorry im sick of it i dont wanna see mel any more i dont wanna be in unit CAN WE FOLLOW THE DOCTOR AND RUBY see them figuring it out PLEAAASEEE they can point out its obvious its fine but the fucking round table discussion

SORRY I KNOW ITS BEEN THE HOT TOPIC ITS LIKE THE WAY THIS SEASON HAS GONE TOO FAST CUZ ID SAY A LOT OF THE EPS WERE GOOD IN THE END BUT ITS LIKE SO MANY OF THEM WERE TOO HARD DEPARTURES FROM WHAT WE REALLY NEED WHICH IS JUST

TIME WITH RUBY AND THE DOCTOR . PLEASE.

nevermind i love mel on the moped

ugh ive been wanting a bike for so long but i keep hjearing about so many accidents i wanna kms in a controlled environment

my second thought btw: i think one of my favourite season finales will always be s4's. and yes that does also bank on this big, lets have ALL OF THESE PEOPLE COME TOGETHER!!! and have one huge crossover event even if the story isnt as good. but as ivealways said: that works because its earned through four seasons of building up all of those individual characters. it can stand on that legwork thats already been done. i just dgaf otherwise. its why, and maybe this is controversial, i can never give a shit about a good man goes to war. (although i also loathe that because that storyline does my fucking HEAD IN)

im also hating this so hard im not even far enough in sorry i just love to hateeeeeeeeeee

help e christ if it wasnt for reddit i would not fucking recognise anyones fucking face is hat the same woman i mean rby also isnt clocking her does she have some fucking perception filter on . missus flood what is up with you

missus flood what even is wrong with you

"why did you never go back to see her?"

because susan was lowkey annoying af

SORRY

SORRY WOMEN

i also do wanna know: if hes mentioned her face popping up a lot, are they not scanning their fucking databases for matches. like thats definitely technology they have. lets be so for real

AGAIN SORRY THE OTHE RTHING I HATE ABOUT IT IS THE TIME SINK IT IS GREAT LETS HAVE OUR INTRODUCTIONS AND HAPPY WOOPEEEES AND MEETING THE TEN BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE WE'RE BRINGING ALONG WHEN THEYRE REALLY NOT ENRICHING THE EPISODE AND ITS JUST WEARING EVERYTHING SO THIN DUDE COME ON OH WAIT HANG ON LETS INTERRUPT THE FLOW AGAIN TO BRING IN SOMEONE ELSE AND STOP IT!! EEEENOUGH!

(again with the way s4 finale was handled: i think it was really good the way they had everyone sort of... separated out? they had them all cleanly following their own plots. so it didnt make shit a fucking mess.)

caralas literally chill w can bring carla

Do you have a time window. Ten floors down. classic shit.

i think i also ironically did i say this bit already i fucking hate trying to do big... sci-fi organisations like this trying to fight the aliens or villains or whatever. sorry just a taste thing. like compare this to how torchwood was presented in s2. it just feels like we're thriving in it and im not a fan of them being our unapologeticbesties we swing around and giggle with. can we get some nasty fucking vibes in here please. i loved when capaldi was a cunt with them.

this is also why i refuse to ever engage with the avengers content

christmas eve 2004. god shesso young. (im 4 years older literally).

sorry i also hate mystery box companion bullshit fuck off can we not just get some cunt from the local

SORRY I JUST THINK RTD FINALES ARE SO BADLY CAMP SOMETIMES

i keep thinking about how she looks like jodie i think its the boots with the ankles sort of poking out

thats my bad aura sorry i was hating too hard

NOT THE BOYTOYS

THEYRE PICKING OFF THE BOYTOYS

theres that irony again of like they'll sit there and do a whle bit like haha duh ofc we know its an anagram DUHHH but then half the dialogue is just fucking . SAYING SHIT STRAIGHTFORWARD AND OUTRIGHT SHUT UP

hes in hell. god damn it. i hate it when i lose my boytoys and he ends up in hell

imagine if this was the beast from the satans pit

what a hilarious hater moment that would be

sorry now I- UMMMMM THE BOYTOY IS DUSTTT AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

colonel winston is making me giggle. lke the monkey. guys i dont know anything abou overwatch but that monkey makes me laugh

guys we're on susan watch

shes going to be the dumbest red herring ever isnt she amen shes just nothing please rtd you fuckerr- DOCTOR CALM DOWN

CAN WE GET HIM A FUCKING STIM TOY

CAN WE GET HIM A BLUEBERRY MATCHA

CAN WE GET HIM SOMETHING TO COPE WITH

so cool we brought an image of this thing up before and it wrecked our shit lets do it again hell yeah come on

harriet i need you

SHES NOT HER ITS SO FUNNY

EVERYU TIME SOME CRAZY BITCH NAMED SUSAN APPEARS DO YOU DO THIS.

BRO DOES THAT MEAN THESE GIRLIES WRE CONNECTED HELP ME IMAGINE IF THAT WAS SUSAN AND NOW SHES JUST STUCK WITH THE FUCKING MEMORIES OF RAISING LINDY. COME ON SUSAN. BREAK THE FUCKING TRAUMA CYCLE. YOU DIDNT NEED TO RAISE HER LIKE THAT MAN.

can we get the tardis a ginger ale

THAT FUCKING CAMERA ANGLE BEING A FAKEOUT FOR A FUCKING RUBY SUNDAY THIS WHOLE THING IS A TV SHOW SHTICK IS SO FUNNY ACTUALLY

SUSAN TRIAD DOING THIS IN AN EMPTY CROWD IS SO FUNNY

SUSAN TRIAD YOU HAVE TO GET IT TOGETHER GIRL THEY'LL BE CLIPPING BITS OF THIS ON TWITTER

the king innit

HARRIET ARBINGERRRRRR YESSSSSSS

SLAYYYYYYYY

NEVERMIND THAT BIT GOT ME A PRETTY WOMAN WILL GET ME SOOO EASY

TRICKSTER MENTION IS INSANE

her children doubt and dreaddddd so silly

WHOS THIS HATER

SUTEKH

THATS SO FUCKINGH FUNNY

HUNDREDS OF REDDITORSARE PUNCHING THE AIR. MAYBE EVEN TENS

I LOVE HOW IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT

SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH RUBY

HELP ME I SPENT SO LONG BEING A HATER I DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT SUTEKH SORRY CLASSIC FANS

ANYWAYS

[odysseys-blood]

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

[halfusek]

Imma be honest with you, before BATDR came out, you literally held this fandom together with bandaids and stick glue. 2019-2022 was basically the dry age of Bendy content

haha thanks i tried my best

i Do enjoy being in a fandom, i've always looked up to the danny phantom phandom a lot cause the vibes there are just fantastic, there's a lot of things going on, people have many interactions with each other, so i wanted to try to introduce that to the batim fandom and i'd like to think that i sorta did

i know that it is a popular opinion to not engage with a large portion of the fandom but instead just grab a few friends and sit in a corner with them but like

engaging with a bigger portion of the fandom every now and then can be SO fun and give people an opportunity to meet other people and idk

fandoms are communities of people just united by liking A Thing so it can be challenging to make a space for many people to get along but i dont recall any super serious only fandom related dramas in batim?? weirdos are in every fandom and you just blast their asses into oblivion with a block button

and there have been cases when i felt kinda bad for blocking someone because that meant i'd exclude them from something i wanted to think of as a fandom-wide event for everyone who would obey it's rules but that's where this outlook on curating your experience into a smaller circle is very much the way to go lol

wait what am i talking about

aha yea 2019-2022 everything fucking DIED here but i was having a blast drawing my comic and also a lot of people who were into the sides of batim i was into mainly (the human characters) stayed around more than everyone else and it was really chill, i've met a lot of people and made many friendships :)

as the fandom was getting smaller there was a noticable drop in the amount of notes batim related posts were getting which is a very big symptom of a fandom dying but i think at some point it sorta stabilized who stayed there after batdr was delayed and delayed

i reblog and tag more than an usual tumblr user (when im active cuz sometimes i can not reblog anything for months because im busy lol) and that didnt start without a reason, it sure is a habit now and i really enjoy doing it, letting people know what i think about their stuff and putting nice things on display for others to see

reblogs are not just crucial for singular artists but also for fandoms as a whole, thats how you keep that train rollin

though here is a sad thing that many many artists dont reblog a lot, or reblog to their sideblogs that arent followed by nearly as many people as their main blogs

and thats like understandable, im the weirdo who puts a whole mess of many posts on my main but i think thats also the most effective way to help other people get traction and i never see this mentioned when people complain that tumblr users dont reblog as much stuff as they like

its even kinda funny to me when people complain about their stuff not getting reblogged when they dont reblog others stuff themselves at all xD though there is a bit of cyanide in that thought heheh

on the other hand reblogging doesnt work on stuff that i could see from other people: the stuff i reblog i get from browsing the bendy and the ink machine tag sorted by new + sometimes when i bored i scroll through my dash and reblog some random things but i follow 2k people so i dont really see any individuals art specifically, just a collection of random posts that i am able to scroll through in a few minutes (and every minute theres a bunch of new posts posted/reblogged by those i follow)

and that can take a long time! if ive been busy for months then scrolling through a few months worth of stuff people around the world made for bendy is so bad even on a beefy computer that it just pushes tumblr to its limits and takes HOURS to reblog and tag for me, and then i might even hit the daily post limit and have to continue tomorrow

but i enjoy doing this, bendy is my fixation after all and i fucking love art and what people can create for this thing that i like i soooooo desire to see it all

and i try to reblog as much as possible, though i dont obviously reblog *everything* from the tag, sometimes i just give a like or i just dont like the thing cuz its not in my liking and thats it

but i did make it a thing that during ink demonth i reblog all entries for the event no matter what my opinion of them is just to give some of that Exposure TM because hey maybe some of my followers Will like it

i dont run a super duper popular blog but there is a bunch of yall there and i think me reblogging something in this fandom at least may give a litol boost to the notes on a post

and its always fun to see peoples reactions that dont expect me to reblog from them but then i do and they freak out a little, i think i love it on the same level as getting comments on my own art :) its super wholesome

man by writing this post im procrastinating on something but fdnjkfdfd

but anyway thank you!! and im glad you think so because i did try to accomplish that :D

[lightlycareless]

IM BACK i got so busy right around when the last chapter was posted but im HERE NOW. and ive been reading so much,, all the lore from chapter 36 was SO GOOD im so sad im late to it but ohhhhhmygod. so much going on there and setting up REALLY good parallels between y/n and naoya when it comes to their relationships w their parents. the way both of them had their mother slowly get more and more distant due to circumstances outside of their control/caused by some fucked up third party... ough... this also reveals so much DRAMA like WHO CURSED Y/N'S MOTHER?? im throwing hands. and thats such a fucked up TYPE of curse too the way it fucks with the personality/behavior-- someone REALLY hated her huh

but ohmygodmyGOD chapter 37 has SO MUCH going on. like just starting off with matsuo being. insufferable. man. can a woman not get a drink in this house.

the entirety of this chapter is SO rich with so much emotion... like the way they're finally feeling like a couple is so sweet?? i KNEW naoya had it in him to be nice, even if it does take being on his death-bed for it to happen..

THE WEDDING RING HE CARRIES THE RING ON A NECKLACE W HIM AUAHUGHEHGH,,, i cant even begin to describe how emotional that made me the last section of the chapter where they're just talking to each other for once means SO much after having read the last 36 chapters of animosity and standoffishness like they're FINALLY talking and like. seeing each other? as people? its SUCH a pivotal moment and at the same time so small and domestic its amazing

AND HES GOING TO TRY TO LET HER SEE HER FAMILY AGAIN?? that opens up SO much drama and so many questions like-- is he going to stick to that when he recovers? CAN he stick to that or like he said is he not in a position to negotiate that much? (would he help her sneak out or sneak in a way for her to see them somehow if it came to that?) what kind of interaction would that even BE for her to see them again after so long-- would it lead to them not wanting to let her leave/go back to the zenin estate? theyd for sure know somethings up.. my favorite couple is finally coupling. 12/10. still obsessed w them

Hello!!!

Awww, don't worry about it!! Ngl I was a bit like, I wonder if they liked it, maybe I finally scared them away lol, my perfectionism slowly killing me inside 😭 But really, the most important thing here is that you're ok, and that you liked the chapters!! ❤️❤️❤️

I'm telling you, I didn't mean to make it that way but how Naoya and Y/N ended up being similar to one another is... wow, perfection. And ironic haha Y/N hates Naoya so, so much, that she literally can't see him as anything else but like complete opposites I mean, if you were to tell her "Hey, the two of you have similar backgrounds" she'd be like "ew no wtf!!!"

Which is why she was so baffled to learn that it's true 😭 they share the pain of having loss a mother, and in some ways, being disliked by their own family.

Also, for Minako's curse... I don't intend to explore more about it, so I'll just say it was someone very, very jealous of her and her children. Someone that just wanted to see the family burn, you know? (LOL, it makes it seem like Eiichi had some secret admirer or something. Or maybe her?! Like the yandere type "If I can't have you, no one can!!" Oof, I hope not on either accounts)

Now onto chapter 37 :>

The way Matsuo's behavior did a 180 was... I don't know what I was expecting, for it to not happen?? Let's be real, that man as soon as he got a bit of power decided to abuse it. Probably some resentment towards Y/N and her staff, how happy they are and the good relationship they have with her or whatever. Honestly, I do not care about that man. (I wonder what Naoya's reaction will be once he figures out how he's been treating her... HMMM)

I'm so glad you liked the fluffy parts with Naoya hahahahah even though as you said, it's when he's sick... oh, I just hope it doesn't all go away when he's not sick anymore, you know? GOD this whole thing hurts me so much for Y/N hahahah like she's trying so desperately to hold onto the fact that maybe this is the change she was unwittingly hoping for, that Naoya finally woke up from his stupidity and decided to act like a proper husband.

Because more than leaving the house, I think she, very, very deep inside, wants this whole thing to work. I mean, who wouldn't... she grew up in a loving family where her mom and dad loved each other very, very much. It's only natural that she wants something like that too if it ever happened! And Naoya... oof, he's handsome, rich, and she doesn't have to put herself in danger in order to make a living. At that point it was a win-win... until his personality came out 💀💀💀 Anyways, it's difficult, but I WILL MAKE IT WORK. I PROMISE.

Also, if you liked their interactions on this chapter, I think you're going to like the next one 😏 (Idk if it's worth anything, but I always thought Naoya would be like Kang Dooshik from Pearl Boy when he's not being a raging misogynist)

As for the promise... that is something we'll see next chapter as well. What's going to happen with it and whatnot. I'm like Y/N right now, a bit shocked that it happened, but on edge to see if it's true 😭 after all, it's a pretty heavy promise to make ... but that is something only Naoya can choose.

I just hope all the pieces are falling in place (correctly, I mean HAHAH) for that one chapter!!! I can't wait to write it, I think we're like... 2/3 chapters away from it. I swear, everything that will happen next is leading to that moment.

And I gotta say, thank you for being patient with me 🥺❤️ I swear, everything that is happening leads to that. EVERYTHING!!!! I just hope it pays off!!!! If not, I'll disappear from the internet. The shame of it all.... hahaha.

Anyways, thank you so so much for coming back for another update! And don't worry about reading the chapters later! My story is intended to be entertaining, relaxing (yeah sure, look at all that angst) so read it whenever you can ❤️❤️❤️

Once again, thank you so much for your support 🥺❤️ I hope you continue to like the rest of the story!! Take care, and see you soon!!

[underratedandoverit]

they dont see you but i do (and i love you)

~5k words orangekip (orange cassidy/kip sabian)

whaddup have a secret relationship fic. this got unnecessarily long but who cares its good lol. slight shades of angst and some hurt/comfort, especially closer to the end, but its basically your usual pondering over difficult relationships stuff that you should be used from me by now if you come here often lol. oh also kris is here as ive fallen in love with writing her and i dont even know if im doing her that good LOL kip says fuck too many times. as per usual. other than that theres not really anything to warrant a high rating for it tbh

@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate

on ao3

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Laying on the bed, Kip eyed the ceiling opening above him, listening to the quiet sounds around him. It was just another week of this, being stuck in the hotel room, waiting for the next day to roll around so he could get to work. Take care of business there as per usual, get back to the hotel for the night, fly home the next day, and wait anxiously to repeat the whole thing next week.

It was the same thing week in and week out.

But at the same time, he didn’t really mind it in the end, Kip thought as he watched the bathroom door being pushed open, the blond walking out and approaching the bed. Cassidy plopped sitting down to the bed next to him, running a lazy hand through Kip’s brightly colored hair, the Brit sending him a tired smile.

“Long flight?” Cassidy asked, as if he hadn’t just spent like ten minutes making himself presentable after coming in from his own flight. Kip just chuckled at him quietly, scooting a bit closer as he snuggled against Cassidy’s side. He didn’t need to reply to the question, the answer was pretty obvious to both of them.

“Just happy you’re here finally,” he muttered into Cassidy’s side, the blond nodding despite knowing Kip couldn’t see the response from him. He continued to run a hand through his hair, spinning coils of it around his finger as Cassidy stared off into the distance across the room, briefly wondering why Kip hadn’t turned the television on while he had been waiting. They had arrived separately despite sharing a hotel room, like usually, not only because it would have taken one of them a good hour or two or maybe more of waiting for the other’s plane to land.

But also because the newly blossoming relationship was still a secret they were both in mutual agreement trying to kind of hold under the wraps to their coworkers and people around them, in hopes of being able to break the news when the response would have been at least a little bit less turbulent than what it would have been with them coming off from as heated of an on-screen feud as they had had the past couple of months.

Honestly at least to Cassidy it wouldn’t have been a huge surprise if some people had already started to put the pieces together, even if they had been openly sworn enemies up to just a few weeks ago. While they didn’t spend time together publicly, it was probably very obvious they were both hiding something from their own friend groups. Cassidy sure as hell knew Chuck and Trent had been asking him questions why he always disappeared so fast after the shows and never flew in early anymore for fun outings the nights before and so forth, and he always had to come up with some excuses like just wanting to spend some more time at home or the convenience of late hour flights. Kip had very similar stories to tell, and while they didn’t really have many mutual friends, surely someone at this point had started to think things. Like Cassidy had seen the way both Kris and Danhausen looked at him when he was talking about all of this.

“Clementine? Are you listening?”

Cassidy snapped out of his thoughts, looking down at the questioning look from Kip as the other man gently poked him on the thigh to gather his attention again. Cassidy shook his head a little, letting out a sigh. “Sorry. What’s up?”

“I was just thinking,” Kip started, pushing himself up into a sitting position next to him, leaning his back against the backboard of the bed. “Since I’m going to visit home next week. Why don’t you come with me? We can have a little getaway away from work together.”

Cassidy’s brows furrowed a bit as he processed the rather out of character proposal from Kip. He had been talking about going back to the UK to visit for a while now, but this was the first time he had directly made a comment about them possibly taking on this trip together, and something about him so randomly bringing this up now just felt very odd to Cassidy.

“I don’t know if I can get a whole week off.”

Kip pouted at him a little, knowing full well that wasn’t the only reason he was hesitant to immediately agree to his little proposal. “You’ve been working almost every single week for almost a year now. You can have a little time off, I’m sure. It would just be really nice to have some company.”

“Isn’t there anyone else you could ask?” Kip rolled his eyes, already knowing that Cassidy was going to try to pull as many excuses as possible to avoid being dragged along to this. “It would raise a lot of questions if we both flew to the UK at the same time when there’s nothing going on over there that we need to promote or appear in. Sharing a flight, sharing the time, sharing--”

“Yeah, okay, I get it, you don’t wanna go.” Kip turned away from him, clearly irritated by this turn of events as he leaned away, fetching the remote from the nightstand on his side of the bed, turning the television on. “You don’t have to be so rude about it.”

“It would just be suspicious if--”

“And what does that matter?” Kip asked with a sigh, Cassidy already regretting ever answering anything when this topic was brought up. “We’ve been dancing around this topic for weeks now. Is that ever going to fucking stop, or are we going to just keep this as a secret forever? It’s been like, what, two months at least now and nothing has changed except we just need to keep being more and more careful as time goes on. Do you understand how exhausting that is?”

It wasn’t really a surprise to Cassidy that Kip was bringing all of this up, and honestly he was right about it too. It had been a few weeks now, and it was wearing both of them down steadily, but surely. Constantly having to arrange things around one another but still keep being together a secret, never answering their friends questions about their free time anymore, not being able to spend time together while they were at work… It was all very exhausting, yes, but at the same time maybe that was at this point in time still better than potentially facing the backlash of bringing this whole relationship into light.

Cassidy just really had no idea how to tell all that to Kip in a way he would understand it better, especially when he knew just as well as the Brit himself did that Kip was already very well aware of all of these facts too.

“I just wish we could act like… I don’t know, fucking normal I guess, around other people too. I just want to be able to do stuff with you without it being all like this.”

Kip didn’t need to specify what “this” meant in this context, Cassidy already knew it. This was far from the first time they had talked about this, far from the first time either of them had tried to push out some ideas to maybe bring this all into the light. Cassidy less so, but nonetheless, to both of them this was an issue they needed to solve. Eventually more so for Cassidy, if he was being honest. Sure being so secretive was stressful and taxing, but at the same time he felt like this was all working out really well for the two of them, and having to bring it all out to the public when he didn’t know what kind of a general reaction they would get, was probably actually making him feel more anxious than trying to continue to hide it all for as long as possible until the world was ready to hear about the two of them in his mind.

“Whatever. Forget I even asked. I’ll just go alone, it’s fine.”

Before Cassidy could even muster an apology out of him, let alone a reply of any sort, Kip pushed himself up from the bed, picking up his bag on the way as he headed for the bathroom. A heavy sigh escaped from Cassidy as he heard the shower being turned on soon after, knowing that while the conversation was now definitely over for the night, on the long term the struggle had just started. While they hadn’t maybe been together for that long yet, he already had a very clear vision of what kind of a person Kip was especially in a relationship, and Cassidy knew full well when he set his mind onto something like this, Kip wasn’t going to let it go before he got what he wanted. Or something went terribly wrong while he was trying to get his desired results.

Cassidy just wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to give it to him yet. Eventually, obviously, if things between them went on well enough for long enough, they would make it official publicly as well to at least their friends and coworkers. But right now he still wasn’t entirely sure about it. While it didn’t feel very fast, it wasn’t like they had just gotten together yesterday, it had been a couple of weeks at this point, something about it was still off putting to him.

Maybe it was the fact that it had been a while and they were still hiding it. Obviously Kip didn’t really like that anymore, and Cassidy wasn’t even sure why they had carried it out this long. Out of habit probably, but it still felt more comfortable to him than putting it out there. Something about keeping it a secret felt safe, even if it was definitely the more taxing option, and he just wanted to cling onto that feeling maybe.

He shook his head, hand reaching for the remote as he turned the television off before proceeding to prepare himself for bed. It was obvious no more conversations were going to be had tonight, and it was late already, they really did need to sleep in order to be able to get to work tomorrow. Turning the lights off Cassidy listened to the sound of the running water coming from the bathroom as he returned to the bed, settling himself comfortably under the blanket. Kip was taking his sweet time, probably trying to distance himself from the previous conversation, giving them both time to breath. Or at least that’s what Cassidy was hoping for.

Trying to calm his own mind with a couple of deep inhales, Cassidy settled on his spot in the bed, snuggling his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. He was already tired from all the traveling and the mental toll all of this was taking on him, so it didn’t take Cassidy long to fall asleep despite the situation around him.

---------------------------

Navigating his way through backstage, Cassidy was basically looking for any possible glimpse of Kip he could. He hadn’t seen Kip since last night, by the time morning rolled around and Cassidy woke up, Kip was already gone from the hotel room. It wasn’t anything unusual for them to leave at different times to avoid suspicion, but usually they at least had breakfast together before leaving. And this morning Kip was just gone, before he even woke up, which was unusual for him, especially since usually Cassidy was the one that left first as Kip liked to sleep in and took longer in general to get ready for the day.

Cassidy didn’t blame him after what transpired the night before, but truth to be told, he was a little hurt by it all, there was no denying that. At least if something positive came out of this, Cassidy knew now fully where Kip stood with this topic, and it made it easier for him to make up his mind about it too.

Well. At least somewhat easier. Pulling the trigger on something like this especially when you had to afterwards explain to all of your friends why you had been hiding it from them for weeks wasn’t going to be easy. Cassidy already knew that at least Chuck was going to freak out at him no matter what. But at least if that happened, they would easily use his reaction as one of the key example reasons why they had decided to keep it under wraps up until this point.

Finally stopping the fruitless search and pushing the locker room door open, Cassidy was rather surprised to actually find it empty. Usually he was the last one to arrive out of their group, especially when they spent the morning hiding away at the hotel with Kip. Maybe it shouldn’t have been so surprising to him that the rest of the Best Friends hadn’t arrived yet, considering that things hadn’t happened this morning. With a sigh he flung his bag on the couch, taking a seat next to it.

He was going to get to see Kip eventually, that much was for sure. Even if he had gotten so irritated with Cassidy that he somehow would have gone through getting a whole separate hotel room, which Cassidy doubted but wasn’t completely ruling out immediately considering how last night had gone, they still had a big multi men tag team match between their respective groups happening tonight. So at least they were going to be sharing the ring tonight, if not the bed later.

Thankfully he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts for too long, as soon the door swung open again, Cassidy watching Kris stroll in, a smile landing on her face as soon as she saw the blond sitting on the couch.

“Orange! Perfect!” Cassidy just shrugged back at her as he leaned back on his seat, just kind of hoping tonight would be over quickly. Kris parked her luggage next to the couch before walking around the room, quickly checking in the shower and bathroom before returning to Cassidy. “The rest of the boys are not here yet?”

He shook his head, the smile just growing bigger on her face as Kris threw herself down on the couch next to him. “Good, I wanted to ask you something.”

Cassidy didn’t even have time to let the dread build inside of him before Kris already blurted out the words he had been hoping nobody would be directing at him any time soon.

“Sooooo you are dating someone, aren’t you?”

Cassidy didn’t need to reply, as the way he tensed up visibly at the question already told Kris everything she needed to know, making her gasp a little bit in excitement as she pushed herself up in a proper sitting position on the couch, her eyes never leaving Cassidy as she did. “I knew it! The boys didn’t believe me but I knew it!”

“Kris, please--”

“Who is it? Do I know them? How did you meet? How long have you been together? What--”

“Kris. Please.”

She pouted a little at being interrupted, but quieted down pretty fast seeing how exhausted Cassidy was already about this whole thing. The blond just sighed, removing the sunglasses from his face before he wiped a clearly frustrated hand over it, letting out the sigh.

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Kris didn’t reply, just watched as Cassidy put the sunglasses back on, trying to relax a little on his seat. He knew it was pointless to try to hide the truth from Kris at this point obviously, but this was also maybe one of the worst possible times she could have actually brought this up with him. Whatever he said, it was either not going to convince her, or she was just going to keep on asking more questions, no matter what. And Cassidy just really didn’t want to think about all of this right now.

“…Sorry.”

Cassidy glanced in her direction, watching Kris’ eyes land on her lap, her fingertips tracing the folds of her jeans as she was trying to find a direction to take this conversation. Cassidy sighed again, shaking his head a little. “It’s fine. Or whatever.”

“Sorry,” she muttered again, reflecting his sigh with a quiet one of her own. “I just got excited. We’ve been speculating about this a lot with the guys and, well…”

Her voice trailed off, but Cassidy just nodded a little. Obviously the lies he had been telling had been easy to read through, honestly he was pretty sure the only reason why Kris was the one thinking along the right lines was because of Chuck and Trent’s denial about the situation, which was probably also why she was the first one confronting him and not either of them. He couldn’t blame her though, not only because she was right, but this was obviously a fairly big deal. Big enough to potentially disrupt the group dynamic even, especially if they found out who it exactly was that Cassidy was involved with.

“…You’re right though.”

Kris looked back up at him, blinking blankly at him a couple of times as she was registering his words in her brain. Cassidy just shrugged. He had no real reason to hide it from her if she had already figured it out up to this point. Denying her the truth only to hopefully eventually bring it up again wasn’t going to leave pretty marks. “But you can’t tell them, okay? We are not…”

He stopped to think about it for a moment, shaking his head slightly. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

For what it was worth, Kip obviously seemed to want to take the next step sooner or later, way earlier than he was ready for it honestly. Cassidy understood his side of things, but then again, Kip didn’t seem to have as much hanging here as he did. He hated to say it, but Kip seemed to have much more supportive friends in this case than he did. He never complained about anyone around him probing him for extra details about his life or the times he didn’t spend around them like the people around Cassidy seemed to do. And he knew Kip loved to complain, so this wasn’t just a thing he didn’t talk to Cassidy about. It just didn’t happen at all, or even nearly to the degree it happened almost on a weekly basis at this point with Cassidy.

He sighed. “I’m not ready for that yet.”

Kris nodded her head, sending him a little encouraging smile. “Of course. Again, sorry, I got a little carried away there. Just… When you’re comfortable, okay? I would love to hear all about it. For support, not for gossip. Obviously.”

Cassidy chuckled a little, glad not only for Kris’ immediate understanding but her lighthearted way of trying to lighten up the mood. “Sure.”

“Just,” she started, eyes trailing off as she glanced around the room, slightly awkwardly trying to look at anything but Cassidy in the moment, “You don’t have to answer, of course, but… Why?” His eyes narrowed at her behind the sunglasses, Kris just shrugging a little. “Why aren’t you ready? Why is this a secret?”

He had a million answers to it that he could give to her. So many ways to say it, so many ways not to. A lie for every truth he had in him. Instead he just motioned vaguely with one lazy hand around him, watching Kris raise a brow at him. Cassidy wasn’t sure what kind of an answer she had been expecting after all that, but apparently it wasn’t really this. But the look in her eyes still told him that she got it.

“…Is it the guys?”

Neither of them was sure why Kris was even asking, as soon as the question left her lips the answer was very obvious. Even more so as almost on cue the locker room door opened again, the two people in question walking into the room, Trent following up in Chuck’s leading footsteps. As both Kris and Cassidy turned towards them Chuck froze on his spot, glancing between the two of them, it being very obvious that they had interrupted something important here.

“Sorry, bad timing?”

Both of them just shook their heads, not answering anything beyond that despite the suspicious look they gathered from Chuck.

---------------------------

He knocked on the locker room door, but was met only with silence. This was expected though and it didn’t falter his plan as Cassidy just pushed the door open, not being surprised in the slightest to find the other man sitting there, sulking all by himself. He was right where he was promised to be.

As he heard the door open, Kip glanced towards it, obviously annoyed as he had wanted to be left alone for a while, a genuine look of surprise crossing his face at the sight of his boyfriend instead of one his stablemates like he had been obviously expecting.

“Clemen--”

Kip stopped himself before the affectionate nickname slipped from his mouth, quickly turning away to hide the slight shade of pink that climbed on his cheeks. Cassidy did his best to pretend he didn’t see any of it as he walked up to the other man, in his head trying to decide if Kip was being so bashful about it because of what had transpired in the ring and he was hurt about it, or if this was about trying to not show such affection towards him in public. He wasn’t entirely sure, but it was probably a bit of both.

“What do you want? Didn’t you already mock me enough out there?”

Cassidy glanced down at the ice pack he was holding in one hand that Kip had obviously missed him carrying, carefully extending it towards Kip, placing it against the side of his face. The Brit flinched away a little, but as Cassidy insisted on holding it against him, Kip hesitantly accepted it into his own hands.

“I didn’t mean to hit you that hard. Sorry.”

Kip muttered something that sounded like an insult back at him, still refusing to look back at Cassidy. The blond observed him for a moment, finally taking a seat on the bench next to him. Kip didn’t look at him, to be honest Cassidy was pretty sure he turned a little bit more away from him actually. The blond opted out to observe his hands as the stiff silence fell in the room between the two of them, it being obvious that some of this tension needed to be relieved one way or another.

Cassidy slowly removed his sunglasses, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Look, I’m sorry. About last night.”

“No you’re not.”

Cassidy’s eyes narrowed as Kip finally turned back towards him, his eyes still wandering around to everything but to look directly at the blond. At this point Cassidy wasn’t entirely sure if the slight reddish color on his face was a blush or a potential bruise starting to form on the side of his face where the Orange Punch had landed earlier.

“You’re not sorry about what happened. I am. I’m the one that was out of line.”

Leaning forward on his seat, Kip leaned his arms against his legs, letting out a sigh. “You were right. It would be all too weird and suspicious if we did any of that. Sorry for even suggesting it.”

He ran a free hand through his hair, shaking his head a little. “I’m just… You know. Fucking tired of all of this.”

As Cassidy remained silent, both of them knowing he didn’t need to say anything to confirm to Kip that he knew exactly what he was talking about, Kip just shook his head again, turning his eyes away from Cassidy.

“I just… I don’t want to just be your dirty little secret forever.”

“You’re not my dirty little secret.” Kip snorted quietly, choosing to sulk a little beyond the shadow of the ice pack again, to avoid eye contact with Cassidy. “Well, you are a secret and definitely dirty, but you know what I mean.”

“Sure do make me feel like I am.”

Cassidy knew this game Kip was playing and how he had the way to twist his words into the way he wanted to hear them, that being nothing but the negative in this case, so he just remained silent, letting the Brit continue talking.

“I hate tiptoeing around everyone else about this or my life in general. I hate it that I can’t just find you and hold you or your hand when I want to, that I can’t just push you against the lockers to kiss you. I hate going home alone and having to wait a week to come back to you for barely a full day before repeating the lonely cycle all over again. I fucking hate all of this.”

Kip let out a soft chuckle, sounding almost disappointed in his own line of thinking. “Fuck, I hate you for making me fall in love enough to keep on doing this.”

Cassidy observed him from the side, knowing full well that everything Kip was saying was genuine, as much as it hurt to think about. Mostly because he felt the same way himself, and not only seeing but also hearing that Kip was willingly making these sacrifices because Cassidy had asked him to, every word felt like a little stab to his heart that he was just forced to take because this was his own doing.

“I know why we are doing this, but…”

“It’s tiring. I know.”

Kip finally looked directly at him, scanning the clearly tired face of the blond, almost as if to try to find some hints of insincerity, like these were just words he was saying because he knew they were ones that Kip wanted to hear, but he came short in his search.

“I don’t like this either. But it’s… It’s for the best right now.”

Kip sighed, but he nodded, knowing Cassidy wasn’t playing him just for fun. They both knew how exhausting this situation was, and the reasons for them keeping it this way, despite how it was affecting everything. They had talked about this a lot, but it didn’t make it much better for Kip, if he was being honest. He couldn’t recount the times he had straight up told Cassidy ‘fuck what anyone else thinks’, but he had still kept his promise to keep it all under the wraps. For him.

He felt a hand land on his tight, Kip’s eyes traveling down to it, a soft smile crossing his lips as he reached his free hand for it, intertwining their fingers together before squeezing Cassidy’s hand carefully.

“The fucking things I do for you,” he sighed, hearing a soft chuckle coming from Cassidy. His thumb carefully petted Kip’s, Cassidy just observing their hands sitting in Kip’s lap before he spoke up again.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something. Other than apologizing for your face.”

Kip glanced up at him, Cassidy not returning the look as he kept looking at their hands, a little smile playing on his lips as he pondered through his words.

“About what you said last night. I think I might actually take you up on that trip offer.”

Kip’s brows furrowed at him, but Cassidy just kept smiling. “Maybe it would be a good thing. Not for the potential rumors but…” He looked up, directing the smile straight at Kip, leaving no room for any misinterpretations of what he was saying. “Maybe it would be really good for us.”

Cassidy could feel Kip’s grip of his hand tighten a little, a barely noticeable amount, but the man never broke eye contact with him, looking almost surprised at his words. “Really? You… You do want to go with me?”

Cassidy shrugged, but kept on smiling. “Sure, why not? Like you said, we should spend more time together, and having this little getaway could do us some good. See if we can… Hold this together for more than two days at a time or whatever. And without having to worry about someone catching us.”

In a one fell swoop Kip dropped the ice pack from his face and his hand, with his now free hand reaching for Cassidy, pulling him closer by the back of his head for a kiss that was almost as big of a surprise to him as Cassidy’s statement just now was to Kip. Cassidy chuckled softly against the kiss, eventually returning it before Kip cut it short by pulling away again, looking away almost instantly as a shade of regret crossed his face as he realized what he had just done.

“Shit, sorry, I-I didn’t mean to. You just… Really surprised me.”

Cassidy just shrugged it off with a smile. It wasn’t uncharacteristic for Kip to act this affectionate, especially when put on a spot, but they had been extra careful and making sure such acts of affection weren’t done in public, which was the part that caught him off guard. Cassidy reached his hand for Kip’s face, landing it on his cheek, turning him back towards him.

Him blushing like that was so endearing to Cassidy.

“Your friends won’t bother us for a while. It’s alright.”

A soft smile crossed Kip’s lips, but Cassidy was sure he could see a little smirk also tucking in the corners of his mouth as Kip registered his words.

“Oh thank god.”

Before Cassidy could reply, Kip grabbed a handful of his shirt, pulling him close for another kiss, this time clearly intentional enough that Kip wasn’t going to let him go any time soon. Which suited him just fine, as Cassidy didn’t want him to, allowing his free hand to run through Kip’s hair as he let the Brit deepen the kiss.

[femmefatalevibe]

hello! ive gone through some of your posts and i gotta say, you give pretty solid advice. i hope your own life is also going as smoothly as the advice giving! ❤

i was wondering if i could ask your opinion, as much as you can offer it to a stranger from the internet.... i know its not easy to give meaningful advice on complicated matters to total strangers.

im 29, i have a very good degree and a decent job, i am not more insane or annoying than an average person and i look just fine. i do however have a problem finding a long term partner. ive been working very hard at uni/later as an intern so it didnt leave much time for a rich social life and lot of dating. i also had the misfortune of spending several years in a very unhealthy relationship when i was about 20, young and stupid. several years of determined singleness followed immediatelly after that.

so now that im old and less stupid, ive tried dating apps, ive tried going out for drinks with acquaintances but never more than 2 or 3 times with the same guy. i do have high standards... and im a smart independent woman which im told is not extremely popular with men. anyway.

i recently met a guy 1 year younger than me who works in the same profession but is only just starting, in contrast to me being a bit of a bitter old veteran. ive been kind to him as one is to new people, and hes been slightly smitten with me as a result, if i dare guess so. we went out for drinks a few times, he seems sweet, kind and doesnt harbor any extremist political beliefs (its important to me not to date fascist-sympathisers). thats all very nice but unfortunately he doesnt exactly look very attractive to me. i feel good around him bc he is kind and lovely but i think i have too much edge and that he couldnt handle my darker sides (lots of cynism, LOTS) bc he is sich a sweet summer child. and i also feel that i havent yet lived wildly and slept around and experienced all the instant gratification options life has to offer, definitelly not enough to just drop everything and consider a serious relationship with someone who doesnt feel like ive won the dating lottery (its bc of certain personal problems hes told me of having, and its bc of the looks. im an impossibly visually-oriented person. and shallow.)

so i am very tempted to slowly explore this and the options it could offer (for example a serious relationship) but i also feel like i might be setting myself up for failure and him for a lot of heartbreak. whatever should i do?

until now ive only ever continued dating people i was really attracted to... sometimes despite their dubious political beliefs. so actually this might be the new strategy that would yield positive results, dating someone for their impeccable moral standards and kindness rather than a pronounced jawline. (am i, deep down, really that shallow?)

this got long and tedious, i wont blame you if you chuck it in the bin instead of reading and answering. maybe all i needed was to write it out. might need to use my journal bit more often.

thank you for your time and efforts in any case. take care!💕

Hi love! Thanks for your kind words and support. Firstly, from how you describe yourself, I could totally see us being friends – we seem to have similar beliefs, values, and priorities when it dating comes to dating (no fascists allowed, career-oriented, endless cynicism, and making a pronounced jawline a top criterion of a date night lol).

Here's my take – given the information you so kindly and vulnerably shared with me:

If you're still single, there's no reason to make the prospect of dating (generally or casually dating a specific person) into a black-and-white experience. You can casually date as many people as you would like until you mutually decide to be exclusive with someone. Think of dating as a networking experience: It's a chance to meet and connect with various types of people. They can become (business or pleasure, in this case) partners, friends, acquaintances, or connectors to others who will soon become members of your close inner circle (maybe even a further partner or spouse – who knows!).

You can decide to date different people for different reasons. Sometimes, you just want good conversation and decide later that you're better off as friends. Exploring the emotional intimacy aspect of a relationship with someone of the gender you're attracted to can teach you a lot about yourself and the type of partner you ultimately want to end up with – even if you don't ever kiss, let alone sleep together. Just make sure, in this case, to share that you only have a platonic connection with him before he gets too invested. Being selfish when dating is essential, but never be cruel and lead people on.

Suppose you want to see where this connection goes, without commitment. In that case, you can always indulge in casual sex with others you are physically attracted to and only go on dates with this man in a more casual dating/companionship way.

I don't think it is shallow to not want to date someone you're not physically/sexually attracted to. Unfortunately, in our current society, you wouldn't even need to question this if you were a man. There are plenty of people we really like and are emotionally attracted to in this life but have no sexual feelings towards – we call them friends.

While it could take some time to find a partner with who you're compatible in every major area, consider how much longer this process would take if you settle with men you have no true interest in before you inevitably break up with them because you're unhappy in the relationship? Staying single until your values align and mutually want rip each others' clothes off every time you see each other in the beginning stages of dating is the best strategy – in my opinion at least. It is better to be technically alone than lonely in a committed relationship. You deserve nothing but the best. Never settle for less. Keep your standards high to maintain your most valuable assets: Your happiness, success, and peace of mind.

Hope this helps xx

[zhuhongs]

hhhhh so im on a ridiculously long ride home and just my phone so tumblr diary entry time lol. if you have my instagram this will make more sense but yk. anyways. so yesterday was the last day of the semester and i was tbh pretty normal abt it. but leading up to it i was a mess and tbh i think my stomach issues actually came more from the stress of knowing im leaving but the alcohol seemed plausible enough an explanation so i ran with it. but nah i was just. hhhh overwhelmed. bc anytime i was out with ppl it disappeared and as soon i was alone and not busy i was like. oh theres the stomach pain. LOL. but yea. so i decided my going away present to everyone would be a drawing of them plus a message bc like. i always said i liked art but never rlly showed my classmates my art so i was like. welp lets go out with a bang. and it felt good bc i really wanted to do smth like this sooner. my initial plan to make a good impression was to print stickers of my art and put my IG on it and get close to ppl that way. but i was just far too stressed and thought itd be weird. so i just. Didnt. and i regret not putting in enough effort at the beginning. but i also feel like its okay, especially given my upbringing. i needed that time to myself to figure it out, and now i really know that i can just. talk to ppl. and not be afraid. bc the ppl i got closest to were the one i swore would judge me most bc of my own preconceived notions, but i told the the parts of me i hid the most and they accepted it. and could at least sympathize and actually relate and i just. why was i so silly. why was i so mean to myself to be convinced that i was so unacceptable that no one except for those who already knew me could accept me and enjoy my presence? i was so silly. i wont do that again, but if i do, it will still be easier than doing it this time bc I'll recognize the patterns and quickly snap out of it.

in a way, i really do feel like i needed all this time alone to process myself and rlly look myself in the eye and recognize the ways ive lived that i can just stop doing now that i have the freedom to be free of my past. and part of me feels like I'm saying that as copium bc i didnt connect sooner and i possibly could have also had a better time with others and still have come to realize the same things and more through the help and company of others. but i also know that i cant live life always thinking so much. so i just need to live and let the regrets be what they are, and move forwards. but the regrets do indeed linger. like i made the decision not to stay in taiwan. bc of well A. money and B. i felt like if i had more time I'd just fucking waste it like i wasted the first 4 months. i might as well force myself into a corner and see if that would make me do things i was too scared to do otherwise. and like, it worked! i did say fuck it and rlly just let loose bc i was gonna leave but now its worked too well. and like i wish soooo bad that i had those 3 months to fully enjoy every chance working out. Part of me says that its best to leave with that hope. rather than have taken that chance and it fizzled out. the thing keeping me from extending the most was honestly knowing I'd have my birthday there. and i could not take the possibility of spending my birthday alone... i legit couldnt stomach it. in the past i used to spend every bday alone but in recent years ive had a mazing friends that actually made my bday special and i just. I'm so used to having that day be nice that i really couldnt take the possibility of it being awkward. but now i realize that it wouldn't have been like that. it couldve been wonderful. but thats okay, in another life. or maybe a few years. who knows. im considering doing smth like this again in like 2 years after I've worked a bit. i have nothing but time. but man. sometimes i just wonder yk.

and last night i had a rlly good one on one talk with my classmate and that was amazing, but i got home and checked IG like a dumbass and say another group of classmates partying til 3am and i was like.... man i should've done that. but like, logically no. i had a great night regardless and i partied with those classmates last week. ive had my fill, and i had things to do today that i needed to be coherent for. but i couldn't help but thinking what if. and i know its not so easy to kill that voice inside my head. its always gonna be there. its not just me, thats the devil of SNS like instagram. bc you see the best parts of everyone's lives at all times and feel like you're missing out but you're not. you only see a sliver of what it really was..but yea. its okay. I'm still so very young. and i just need to treasure now and take whatever chances i get to nourish the connections i have right now and put yourself out there to make new ones when the chances arise. its okay, there is not life that can be lived without saying goodbye. but damn, yesterday at the school gates two of my classmates hit me with the さよなら and that. man i felt it in that moment. theres so much i wish i couldve said in all that time we had to spend together but i just held my tongue bc i was scared. but this was really playing social interaction on hard mode, like the cultural differences, the language barrier, the introversion, the fact it was my first time on my own fr, just, there were soooo many factors working against me specifically. and fuck man, i still did it. and i am still so young, i really can do whatever i want. it feels so weird. ive only been here 6 months but in a way it feels like this is how its always been. like the fact that im going home feels so strange. like i havent been there in years, i honestly cant fully grasp that im gonna be in a place where i speak the language fluently and am fully aware and familiar with my surroundings. like, why does that feel so odd. it does, i legit dont even know how to feel besides strange. i just have a strange pit in my stomach. but its okay. it will pass as everything does. but these days will always live on inside me as everything does. even if i can't fully recall it. so i just have to keep going as always. god. life is trippy man. but yea. Yea. thats it. i think

[berryunho]

omg hi i’m BACK and the first thing i see on your profile is a san reblog? being san anon really was meant for me!

anyway it’s been so long 😭 i’m sorry i’m busy n struggling but i check your page every now n then and i keep wanting to check in but then forget to send an ask and AAAA anyway HOW ARE YOU i missed it here and i missed you ! i hope you’re doing good DID YOU GO TO THE ANCHOR SHOWS? i finally got to put up my ateez stuff in my room so yay to that and also uh i might have.. started collecting san quite a bit.. uhoh good bye wallet AHRJRHSJF anyway love u mwah mwah i hope life has been and will continue to be very vey good to you -san anon

AAAAAAAAAAAA HIIIII <333

omg dw about it i totally get it !!! hehe i did also miss you though and i hope everything is okay !!!? take care of yourself ........ [stares like concerned friend] but JA;DFJASDFJS;DFJJ

i am very good ... and yes ... i did ... go to both of them ....... and obvs they were amazing and iconic and i had the time of my life LKLAJ;DFDJF i went the first day w 2 of my besties and that was great hehe we were up on the third level and our ENTIRE section was foreigners so it was a very typical concert for me (minus the... eerily dead silence that hangs in the air during ments... like my god its weird) but then i went the second day alone and i was in the lower section . not another foreigner in sight . i was trembling . when i sat down the girl to my right gave me the craziest side eye ive ever gotten and listen in my experience the vast majority of koreans are very nice and do not care about my presence at all but im still filled w a dread that im always doing something wrong here and ANYWAYS that was so scary tbh but all was well........... until dazzling light ..... my favorite song of theirs ...... and my brain went "girl this is the last time youre EVER hearing this live lol" ............ and then i started bawling . and i could not stop bawling . and when i say bawling i mean it . like my mask was SOAKED . my entire body was convulsing . its a good thing they were performing otherwise i would have been audible . i had to bend over . my makeup was destroyed . i couldnt even cheer bc the sounds coming out of me were so pathetic . atp i had no regard for my surroundings . i have never in my life cried like that in public . and i can only imagine what the girls around me were thinking . but ANYWAYS IT WAS A GOOD CRY like it started as a sad cry but then i was just happy lol and anyways i cried a lot more after that too but whatevs . yunho also cried so . yk . we're just connected like that 😋😋 LKDLKFJLF;JS;DF SLDJF BUT ANYWAYS IT WAS A VERY GOOD TIME AND ONLY REINFORCED MY INFINITE LOVE FOR THEM

BUT ANYWAYS !!!!! YAY !!! hehehe not to encourage any bad habits but ... collecting is worth it tbh hehehe thank you again i hope everything is good w you too !!!! MWAH ILY !!!!! <3333 :]]]]