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set-phasers-to-whump · 4 years

Text

gunpoint

prompt: gunpoint (alt no.9)

whumpee: malcolm bright

fandom: prodigal son

hey hi hello! back with some malcolm whump :) hope you enjoy! i wrote this as pre-brightwell but you can read them however you like :)

Malcolm stands outside the suspect’s apartment building, debating over whether or not he should text someone to let them know where he is. On one hand, if he gets into trouble, they’ll know where to find him, but on the other hand, if he tells them what he’s doing they might come and stop him from doing it.

It’s quite the dilemma, one which is solved by a text arriving from Dani: what are u doing tonight?

You can’t tell anyone

Do I really want to know?

I’m at Paulsen’s apartment building

His phone rings, and he answers it quickly to avoid the noise attracting attention.

“You’re at the suspect’s apartment?”

“I’m not inside yet.” He steps into the building behind a man that’s just come in, and asks him to hold the elevator as he hurries across the lobby. “Now I am,” he tells Dani, pressing the button for the fifteenth floor.

“You’re in - Malcolm,” Dani says. “You’re inside?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Don’t do anything too stupid. I’m coming. Give me ten minutes.”

“You really don’t have to -”

She hangs up before he can finish his sentence. The elevator reaches the fifteenth floor, doors sweeping open with a ding.

Malcolm steps out, taking a look around. This is the floor below where their suspect lives, but he’d gotten a weird feeling when they’d first come here to check the place out - apart from being the home of the suspect, the building had also been home to two of the three people who had been killed in the past five days. When they’d come asking about the murders, their suspect had been casual, unbothered, and entirely too welcoming given that two of his neighbors had just been brutally murdered.

They’d done more digging on the man, and Malcolm had completed a profile, and all evidence pointed to him having done it. But it wasn’t enough, Malcolm knew - he could tell that there was something they weren’t seeing, something missing, and he was willing to bet it was in this apartment building.

Hence why he’s here now, walking up and down the halls of the fifteenth floor, looking for something that he has no idea how to find.

Maybe something like a utility closet? he wonders, approaching a wooden door with a sign proclaiming it off-limits to tenants. It’s older than the rest of the doors on the floor, and it creaks ominously when Malcolm opens it.

There’s nothing there. A bucket. A circuit board. A water heater. A vent in the ceiling.

This seems like a room that should be kept locked, he thinks, turning on his phone’s flashlight and peering behind the water heater. A simple sign isn’t enough to keep everyone out, and he doubts building management wants people to have access to the floor’s electricity.

He heads back to the door to examine its doorknob, which does have a keyhole, as well as a chain lock on the inside. The keyhole is fairly scraped up with regular use, but the chain lock looks new. Malcolm wonders who might have a key, and who might have the motivation to install a secondary, interior, lock.

He pulls the door shut and turns back to the room, thoughts shifting away from who has access to this place? to who wants access to this place? He can’t imagine a utility person would need a chain lock, and thinks there must be a reason for it to have been installed.

Malcolm looks around, and his eyes land on the ceiling vent. It’s an average size, too small to fit a person through, but the right size for fitting smaller things through - murder weapons, for example. Among thousands of other things. But it’s an idea, anyway, so Malcolm grabs a small stepladder and places it beneath the vent, shining his flashlight up at it to get a better look.

It seems to open into the floor of a room above him, but from what Malcolm can see through the metal, it’s not another closet. In fact, he thinks, it might be an apartment. He does some mental gymnastics and works out that it’s perfectly possible for the apartment above him to belong to their suspect.

He turns on his phone to call Dani back and tell her his thoughts.

“I’m almost in the parking lot,” she says, before he has a chance to say anything. “Where are you right now?”

“I’m in a utility closet on the fifteenth floor,” Malcolm replies, “and I think I might have found something.”

“What kind of something?”

“Uhh...it might be nothing. But there’s this vent in here, and I think it might open into Paulsen’s apartment.”

“...And?”

“That’s all I’ve got,” Malcolm admits. “Maybe you can come have a look for yourself, see what you think.”

“I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

Malcolm figures it’s best to stay where he is and wait for Dani to come. While he waits, he busies himself with again looking up through the vent, standing on his tiptoes on the ladder to get a better view.

The door to the closet opens with a loud, startling squeak, and Malcolm nearly falls off the ladder. “Dani,” he says, stepping down and turning around. “You scared me.”

His eyes fall on the person in the doorway - who is definitely not Dani.

“You’re...not Dani.”

Their suspect, Paulsen, smiles. “No, I am not,” he agrees, stepping into the room and pulling the door shut behind him. He slides the chain lock closed and switches off the lights.

“Give me your phone,” he instructs Malcolm, holding out a hand in the light of the phone’s flashlight.

“Why?”

Paulsen draws a gun from his jacket, turns off the safety, and aims it at Malcolm’s chest. “Because if you don’t, I’ll shoot you.”

Malcolm complies, handing over the phone. Paulsen turns off its flashlight, then throws it to the ground, smashing it under his foot.

“Guess I have to get a new phone now,” Malcolm complains, not terribly anxious about the whole having-a-gun-pointed-at-him thing. “I might have to see about buying a stronger one, though.”

“Shut up,” Paulsen fairly growls, stepping closer to Malcolm, until Malcolm can physically feel him standing there. He imagines the gun, aimed straight at him in the dark.

“What’s the plan here?” Malcolm whispers. “Are you really going to kill me?”

The cold metal barrel of the gun presses against his forehead. “Shut. Up.”

He shuts up. He doesn’t want to get shot. Especially not in the head.

“Now listen to me,” Paulsen says, and he’s close enough that Malcolm can feel his breath on his face. “Here’s what’s going to happen. Are you here alone?”

Malcolm nods, forehead scraping against the gun.

“Good. You’re going to leave this closet. I’ll be right behind you, so don’t think about trying anything dumb, okay?”

Malcolm nods again, swallowing hard. He can’t decide whether he wishes Dani would show up now or not.

“We’re going to walk out of here, nice and easy, down the hall, to the elevator, through the lobby. Got that?”

He nods a third time, hand starting to shake. He balls it into a fist.

“Then we are going to get into my car. I’ll drive, but this gun isn’t going to go away. You even think about running, and I’ll shoot you. Is all that clear?”

Another nod. He really doesn’t want to get into a car with this guy, but he very much believes what he’s saying. Plus, it might be a good way to understand him a little more, add information to his profile for his inevitable arrest. Which will come, Malcolm knows. Hopefully it comes before he gets shot.

They step out into the hallway, Malcolm first, the gun pressed into his back, digging into the skin with every step he takes. He feels his breath start to catch in his throat, feels his hands start to shake more, and tries desperately to stop the feeling of fear coursing through him. He’ll be fine. He’ll get out of this.

They round a corner, the elevators in sight. Just then, one of them opens, and Paulsen drags Malcolm back around the corner, pressing the gun to the back of his head. Malcolm gets the message well enough and keeps his mouth shut.

Footsteps draw near, and Paulsen curses under his breath. Malcolm’s heart is pounding now, and he has this terrible feeling that something really bad is about to happen.

Paulsen pulls him backwards as the steps get closer, backing them down the hall, putting the gun again to Malcolm’s back, and kind of leaning against him, casually, as if to disguise the presence of the gun.

The person rounds the corner, and even in the dim light, Malcolm can tell it’s Dani. She’s looking at her phone, muttering to herself, but she looks up about when she’s about halfway to Malcolm, and he sees her eyes widen in surprise.

“Bright?”

The gun presses harder still into his back. “Hey, Dani, what’s up?” he calls out, aiming for casual but failing spectacularly.

“What’s going on?”

“Who is that?” Paulsen hisses into Malcolm’s ear.

“Colleague,” Malcolm replies, eyes trained on Dani, who is watching their conversation with a look of understanding on her face.

“Make her leave,” Paulsen instructs, and Malcolm imagines his finger tightening on the trigger.

“Do you think you could maybe turn around?” he asks, trying to ignore the slight shaking of his own voice. “Just leave. Get back to the elevator, down to the lobby…”

Dani shakes her head minutely. “That’s not gonna happen,” she says, her words not directed at Malcolm. “Let him go.”

“No,” Paulsen replies, and his voice is strong, unafraid. Malcolm doesn’t like that. It’s in line with his profile of the man, which he is at this moment really wishing he’d been wrong about. The guy is ruthless, but collected, meticulous...Malcolm has a feeling that he might very well be dying tonight.

He doesn’t want to die tonight. He really doesn’t. He has to do something.

He pushes himself forwards, feeling the metal of the gun leave his back, and runs, shouting at Dani to run, too. He sees her draw her gun, hears a shot, and another, feels something hit his shoulder, sending him spinning off balance. He hits the ground with the terrible realization that he doesn’t know whose gun had gone off. Who might be hurt.

He lies there in horrible uncertainty for a couple terrible seconds, his head spinning. His shoulder feels like he’s been punched, but he knows he’s been shot. And maybe Dani has been shot, too…

He stumbles to his feet, overcome for a moment with dizziness. When his vision clears, he sees Dani on the floor, kneeling over Paulsen, cuffing him. He’s bleeding from his leg, where, evidently, Dani had shot him.

Malcolm watches silently as Dani wrestles the man to his feet and drags him along, phone to her ear, no doubt talking to Gil. She walks up to Malcolm, who instinctively backs away at the close presence of Paulsen.

“You okay?” she asks, and Malcolm can only nod. He’s not, though. He’s been shot, and he’s pretty sure it’s not serious, but he’s been shot, and for a long time he’d thought that he was going to be shot, and there had been the cold, unforgiving metal of the gun pressed to his skin to remind him of that fact, and he imagines the feeling is going to stick with him for quite some time, and his hands are shaking again and he can smell the metallic scent of his own blood, and he is overall definitely not okay. But he follows Dani and Paulsen into the elevator anyway, pressing a trembling hand to the wound on his shoulder, which, he can feel, is fortunately only a graze.

“Buses should be here any minute,” Dani says, as the group of three leave the building. “You gonna be okay til then?”

Malcolm nods again, sitting down heavily on the building’s concrete stoop. He watches Dani drag Paulsen along to stand on the curb, glad he’s farther away now. She looks down the street anxiously, and he sees her relax when the red and blue lights of police cars approach.

Malcolm feels himself relax at their presence, too, sinking his body further into the cold concrete. It’s going to be fine, he reminds himself, watching Dani hand over Paulsen to another officer. He knows it’s going to be fine.

His body doesn’t seem to care about what his brain knows, though. He’s still shaking, not just his hands, now, but the rest of him, too. He’s breathing too heavily, and he can’t stop feeling a gun pressing into his back, is hyperaware of the blood slowly dripping down his shoulder despite his hand trying to hold it back.

Dani sinks down on the step next to him and touches a hand to his arm. He startles, jerking away from her and hating himself for it.

“Hey, it’s okay,” she says reassuringly. “Paulsen’s in custody and the ambulances are less than a minute out.”

He can’t bring himself to nod this time. He feels a shaky breath catch in his throat, and before he can stop himself there are tears pooling in his eyes.

He sniffs and tries to make them go away, but it’s no use. His vision blurs up, swirling together the colors of the flashing lights around him.

“Can I touch you?” Dani asks, and he finds he would actually really like that now, so he does nod this time, and then her arm is around him, very gentle and mindful of the gunshot wound on his left shoulder. Her hand touches his back, right where the gun had been, but feeling nothing at all like the gun had.

“You’re shaking,” she points out, and carefully tugs him closer. “You cold?”

He shrugs with his right shoulder. “Not really. Just some lingering terror, I guess. Stupid.”

“Hey,” Dani says, her voice serious. “It’s not stupid to be scared. He had you at gunpoint, Malcolm. He shot you.”

“Ambulance’s here,” an officer Malcolm isn’t familiar with interrupts their conversation. “So’s Lieutenant Arroyo.”

With that information, Dani stands up, grabbing Malcolm’s right bicep and gently hauling him to his feet so he doesn’t have to let go of his shoulder. He lets her guide him to the ambulance, tears still clouding his vision. He sinks down onto a stretcher and sees Dani mouth meet you at the hospital. He nods in acknowledgement as two paramedics hover over him, asking him questions he has no idea how to answer.

“Just get moving,” he hears a wonderfully familiar voice say. “I’ll give you as much information as I’ve got, but let’s not waste time here.”

“Yes, sir,” says one of the paramedics, and with that, the ambulance doors shut and the engine starts.

“Gil,” Malcolm says, locking eyes with him from across the ambulance.

“Hey, kid,” Gil says, with a tight smile. “How you doing?”

“Not so good,” Malcolm replies, honestly. “Hurts.” In all honesty, it doesn't hurt that much, but saying it hurts is easier than explaining that he’s still scared, despite the fact that the threat has been completely removed, despite the fact that he knows he’s safe.

“I know,” Gil says, reaching out a hand and grabbing Malcolm’s bloody one. “But it’s going to be okay.”

“I know.”

“Everything is going to be okay, you understand?”

“I know.”

“Good. But don’t you think you’re off the hook for this either. We will be having a talk as soon as we get you fixed up.”

“Okay.”

They arrive at the hospital a moment later, and Malcolm’s hand frantically reaches for Gil’s when he’s pulled away.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up,” he hears Gil promise, as Malcolm is pushed through a set of doors. “We’ll be right here.”

They’ll be there for him...Gil, Dani, probably Ainsley, and his mother, maybe JT, Edrisa...the thought is enough to make Malcolm almost smile. Maybe he really is going to be okay.

thanks so much for reading this!!! i have done a lot of other writing today so this might not be like. the best. but i did have a fun time writing it! hope you liked it!

#febuwhump2021 #febuwhumpday20 #gunpoint #prodigal son #malcolm bright #at gunpoint #shot #fear #my writing #i say things

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tottymatsuno · 3 years

Text

In The Peach Pit; Saw You Fake It (Osomatsu-San: Todomatsu x Reader)

Chapter 4: Who's Kids Are These?!

Alt Title: You got games on your phone?

Author: Roro (tottytown)

Fandom: Osomatsu-san

Pairing: Todomatsu x reader

Category: Romance, technically exes? enemies to friends to lovers, coworkers, fake dating, tsundere Todomatsu, eventual bedsharing, eventual fake strangers

Rating: PG-13 (cussin)

Summary: You and Totty establish your parenting dynamic right off the ba t with a bunch of lost children.

Word count: 5800/prob 50 or 60k unedited and segmented away

Warnings: Todomatsu is still mentally ill LOL. Also sorry if u dont like or want kids i am a father who loves children so my y/n's usually do too. sorry.

commentary: trying a new opening format by leaving a lil bit of text. hope ppl like it lol. if somebody can tell me how can i upload fics w/o having to fix the automatic double space id be so grateful bc rn im spending an hour just fixing that. thank u. i refuse to use tumblr as a fic editor thank u.

Hope has failed. Ryo did have another evaluation, they determined she needed to be demoted for retraining purposes that included not only her hourly wages being sliced nearly in half but also her shifts throttled. Their reasoning for such a judgment was she didn't make customers feel welcomed enough despite being beloved by regulars. She also didn't take care of scheduling for the second shift well enough despite that never being her job because she’s the manager of the first shift. “Why are we paying you to only manage yourself and one other person? Can’t you take a pay cut?”

It was bullshit!!

A few shifts later has you and Matsuno trading stink eyes at the new managers during the morning meeting. When everyone files out of the staff room, you signal Matsuno to stay with a nod.

"Can you believe this bs?!" You harshly whisper to Matsuno after the room is empty. You forced yourself to get along with Matsuno for Ryo’s sake but now he’s the only one who will understand your plight since he spent the most time with her.

How is Ryo, the sweetest angel possible going to handle this?! She won’t lose faith in the goodness of humanity, will she?

"Yeah, I know! What the hell, why would they fire Ryoko-san?!" Matsuno whisper-yells back.

"They're trying to kill morale by getting rid of everyone we know and love so we can be the perfect capitalist workerbees!" You glare at the pamphlets for the new company motto. “That means you’ll be the only one left, Matsuno...”

"We can't let them get away with this! Why fire Ryoko-san but leave something like you on staff?" Matsuno goes as far as to rip one up and shove it's pieces in his apron muttering the second sentence underneath his breath.

"What would we even do though?" You wonder aloud, you actually really like the convenience of this job being in walking distance from home. "I don't wanna quit in protest, but I’m not charismatic enough to lead a strike either..."

"Maybe we can use these new rules to our advantage?" Matsuno suggests with a pointed look towards the previously ignored employee handbook. "There's sure to be rules in here that would be hellish to actually follow on a day to day basis but they couldn't fire us for doing what it says to the letter."

You look at Matsuno with a sinister leer, "Matsuno, I knew I could trust you to come up with an annoyingly evil scheme. What you lack in earnest charm you definitely make up in malice."

You ignore whatever the hell Matsuno said in retaliation while shooting Ryo an apologetic line message. She responds with a boatload of crying stickers and vents through a barrage of incoming emotional texts.

"Ryo...!" You sniffle in support, "Oh, Ryo! I didn't know your favorite candy line was being ended too, plus your boyfriend ate your good leftovers?! On your period as if to rub salt in your open wounds?" You rubbed your tearful eyes while reading these text messages. Maybe it’s because you know she’s so kind and was there for you in your hour of need but you really want to be a pillar for Ryo.

You send a few texts opening your heart to Ryo as well, but you make sure to let her know that you 100% love and cherish your her as your friend. You finally tell her you'll talk later after planning a friendship date outside of work. You're happy that Ryo is going to transition into a friend-friend instead of work-friend!

While being caught up in the emotional roller-coaster you don't stop for a second to see if Matsuno is still around. So it's shocking to hear him ask, "You done?" with a glance of eye contact between you and his phone. "Gimme a sec, I didn't think you'd finish crying for a while." You take a mental snapshot of Matsuno's casual posture, it's a very good image of his slightly disinterested look while leveraging half of his weight with one hand placed on a table. Like maybe a sexy librarian or professor giving a lecture? You don't know, but it's a neat pose.

"Click." You say out loud. "That one's going in the cringe comp." Memes irl can be funny sometimes, but this one is directed at your own thoughts instead of being an insult.

"What do you mean cringe comp?! I should be saying that about you!" There's Matsuno's claws. How catty. Matsuno shoves his phone into his apron before stomping off.

Well now that you think about it you really need to start work today. Everyone came in about an hour and a half earlier than usual to prep for another large event. This one is for a new but promising shounen title by that one guy who was an assistant for that other super popular dude's series. You really don't know but you'll still sell it with a smile.

In fact one of your favorite aspects of working at this bookstore is having to add little series related flares to your uniform. All the women got cute flower petal bunny ears, but the dudes are supposed to wear these really cool but extremely cheaply made neon yellow wind breakers with an intricate rose pattern and an original emblem on the breast and back.

You were jealous of the wind breaker to say the least.

In your spare time you skim the new handbook; there's a lots of rules that either conflict or as Matsuno said would be hellish to follow on a daily basis. It's clear that whoever wrote these down has never worked in a bookstore before, or even HR. Hell, some of these rules read as if they were made up arbitrarily by someone who has actually never worked a day in his life and is trying to fake sounding like he has getting by on what he kinda knows. It's pathetic.

So it's time to be obnoxiously compliant with these dumbass rules!

Every time a new manager tries to wrangle you into actually participating in preparation for this vastly busy event you remind them of daily duties that must 100% get taken care of. Who is going to call the people with back orders before 11 am if not you? Or who will do five rounds of putting misplaced books back up at least once an hour?

"Excuse me..." A little voice calls out from below when you're on round four in the cook book section. Do your ears deceive you, or is that a talking infant?

When you look down your suspicions are confirmed. "Ah, yes sir?" You ask with a few books in arm. Babies love to be treated like grown ups you've found. You’re already smiling, look at those fat cheeks. You need to give this child a free book, he looks like a The Very Hungry Catepillar sort.

"I need to go." Go?

"Home or potty?" The child starts tearing up, "Both! My mommy is lost and I need to find her after I pee! She's scared somewhere without me." You nod in sympathy, he can’t find his Mommy if he has to take a whiz.

"Okay, let's go potty first then find your mommy. I'm sure she's terrified here all by herself without you to protect her." You carefully place the stack to be dealt with later.

Right when you take the small boy's hand you hear a loud wail of another larva nearby.

"A little kid's in trouble!" You hear the tiny boy exclaim before leading him to the clearing where there stands an even smaller baby girl with one of the event balloons and bunny ears. She's trying to call out for her older sister but can't get the words out.

"Oh... Little miss, are you okay?" You ask with a slight headache forming but you have infinite patience for this kinda stressful situation. Kids are cute. You can handle this!

Your maternal instincts kick into full gear with the children in tow but after finding the 8th child lost around the boring adult sections and nowhere near the fun child friendly event on the first floor you're ready to curse some guardians out.

Who’s losing all these little kittens all over the place? Why was this one in the DIY section?!

When you finally manage to grab the 9th lost child and make it down the escalator without anyone tripping, while holding two of the tiniest ones in your arms you feel totally done for the day. Ah, there's the 10th. You manage to find the little girl's older sister who is barely any older!

"If you're lost follow me." You call while at a dragging pace with a gaggle of kids from all ages. A few of them hold hands in a baby daisy chain. There's even a twelve year old who claims he just needed to go to the bathroom but you know he’s either probably lost too or is trying to help in his own way.

So with an elementary school in tow you only have one choice which is to bother the person you know is on break. Everyone loves kids, so this might get the stick outta Matsuno's ass for once. A pitched scream scares the shit outta you for a split second and rattles your ear drums.

“C’mon now, if you’re gonna yell don’t do it so loud. There’s old people around who’s head’s will knock clean off from you breaking the sound barrier.”

Kids can be loud, huh. When you approach the cafe while the baby's take turns pulling on your hair or trying to eat it seeing Matsuno head towards the break room is a godsend.

"The potty's around that corner, Taka-kun take the boys who need to go." You direct to the twelve year old with your foot.

"I don't wanna though!" Alright.

"Eh... Wha...what's going on here? What's with all the kids?" Matsuno finally picks his jaw off the floor when you start bribing Taka-kun with the promise of a limited edition fan edition mystery box for whatever the hell MagiDigi Chronicals is.

"You drive a hard bargain, but sure you can get a cookie too." You sigh when Taka-kun goes "and a coffee!"

"Decaf only but now go!!" You gently kick after Taka-kun so tiny Nao-chan can go pee, the poor baby was just about to start the potty dance for heaven's sake. Taka-kun finally takes the other three boys around the corner. "If you make a mess the deals off!" You call out.

Matsuno is trying to also prevent the damage done by these kids but unfortunately most of them are under the age of five. "Hey wait a second! You have to pay for those!" Matsuno calls out as one of the smaller ones opens a bag of chips. Of course the other little grubby hands with no concept of money or theft join in.

"Can you do something about this -!?" Matsuno shrilly asks. You've got a handful because the two babies have now begun to alternate between pulling your hair and trying to bite your cheeks. "Please stop, I know you're not teething anymore." Too little!! You know they aren't teething anymore because when they pull your ears they try to bite them you feel teeth. It hurts like hell but goodness are these gross little demons too much!

"Why are you even still smiling?! Don't tell me you find this cute?"

You tilt your head away from the biting baby right into the blubbering cheek of the other one trying to gurgle words. "Noo, of course not." You lie. Babies are super disgusting but are incredibly cute. These two can barely waddle, how the hell did they get lost?! Shouldn't they be in a rollers?

If your upper body wasn't so used to carrying shit you could see how these less than 14 month olds could escape easily. The babies are barely walking, let alone running. Well maybe not. Their little strong legs are having so much fun kicking you in the ribs since they really want to be put down. There's the beginnings of whining too. They might need their diapers changed but your store doesn’t carry any.

"Aw... Haha, no my little ones. Let's not get fussy please, if you get fuss-fuss I'm gonna eat your lil fingies." You make one of those gentle chomping gestures back and forth to the now giggling and adorable maggots. "Yummy yummy, I love baby toes!"

You look up with a grin to see Matsuno glaring at you with the foulest look of disgust. It nearly knocks the wind outta you.

"Anyways go call their parents, I'll stay here." Get out, asshole. You're killing the vibe here. You're about to start kissing these little ones and you will not be judged for it. A few of the other children grab your attention to let you know they're hungry.

Matsuno sighs deeply before turning to dial the front office. "Everyone gets a little piece of a cookie! Understand?" You announce to the remaining kids. There's a small chorus of affirmation. How cute you think blissfully.

"It's too early to have a whole cookie, the sugar will make your gross lil tummies ache. You don't want a tummy ache, right?"

"But I can eat a whole cookie!" Says an older girl. "Me too!!" Joins another.

"Those cookies are too big even I can't eat a whole one because they're made for people with giant iron stomachs, but you both can have half of one, okay? A whole cookie at your size will melt your guts through your ear holes." You're more worried about how hyper these kids already are, as much as you hate their parents for losing them you can't in good conscience release them hyped up on sugar.

Both Taka-kun and Matsuno return at the same time. "Serve them snacks, Matsuno." The way you disdainfully regard Matsuno versus the children almost gives the babies whiplash.

"Why should I? Also who's going to pay for it?"

What an asshole. "Because they have been so well behaved." You answer while the children agree and whisper that you really are as nice as you seem.

"In what universe?! Besides we can't give this much away for free!" Matsuno protests.

"I'll pay. Feed the angels or else." Your threat seems to work in your popularity's favor. There's what sounds like a few high pitched cackling and your demon hoard of small children smile at Matsuno as menacingly as their cute little faces can conjure. So adorable!! You should become a gang leader!

After every had an age appropriate sized cup of juice, a small portion of a cookie or cupcake and were seemingly satisfied save for Taka-kun who smugly sipped a decaf iced coffee with a whole cookie to himself the guardians all finally gathered to pick up their children.

The grandparents of one of the babies came to grab her first which is not nice. You’re not ready yet! You couldn't help but defensively turn away despite the baby cooing happily at her grandma with reaching hands. The baby even gets out the words 'hi gramma' it's too cute, you won't hand her over!

"Y/n, give the baby back." Matsuno tells you clearly exasperated. "I was going to, shut up." While you're distracted the other baby is plucked from your arms. You swivel to see who betrayed you. It's a very young looking couple smothering the baby boy's fat little cheeks. The baby girl is also taken from you during this moment of hurt.

"Ah, thank you so much!" The grandmother gives you a knowing look. "You seem to be fond of kids."

“Yeah, babies are so gross and ugly.” You tell her with a huge grin. You love them.

"You should have your own before it's too late."

"Haha, no. Yuck." You laugh a bit awkwardly, "I'm not ready for that yet." You don't know how you'd handle the parasite phase of the infant's unborn life, let alone the blowouts and spittle period. Around a year old is when they reach their minimum level of being tolerable.

"I see." The grandma smiles at you while the baby waves bye bye.

There's a lot of commotion with some parents scolding or crying since their poor baby got lost at an event that was supposed to be fun! Management offers them deals on future purchases for their troubles and promise the event will be organized better despite this really not being the store's fault. The event was supposed to just be starting but all of these kids got lost on the second floor before it even began.

There's a few smiling waves from the kids, a couple shouts of bye but some of them are too distracted by their parents to say anything to you. You stand there with a dumb smile while waving back. Most of them are going to the event so that's fun.

"Taka-kun, that guy can get you the mystery box." You point out the stout manager who's name you don't remember. "Thanks, see you then." Taka-kun leaves to pester that tubby bald guy.

A moment of peace. Just one. That's all you're allowed before Matsuno tugs on your already abused ear. "Ew, why's it wet?!"

"They were at that shark age of babyhood." You say fondly. Matsuno rudely untucks your shirt to wipe his fingers on it. "I literally have no clue what that's supposed to mean." To be honest you don't even notice your shirt.

"Too young to speak so they have to communicate and learn with their small mouths. Basically they like to bite like how sharks do."

Matsuno sighs before turning to the mess that is now the cafe. "So two things are about to happen here." He says harshly.

"They were all so liiittle." You mumble not really in response. "So itty bitty, just absolutely pocket sized. I should have eaten one for dinner."

"Shut up weirdo and listen! First of all you're going to pay for those snacks, and then you're gonna help me clean this shit up before people start coming from that stupid event."

"Alright, thanks for going easy on me." You do a small salute. After paying for the eight cookies, the five bottles of juice, a couple bags of chips and one decaf coffee your wallet is a little lighter but it's okay! The smiles of sweet baby demonspawn are priceless to you.

Each time Matsuno punched in a button on the register he smacked his lips at you in annoyance.

It isn't until you're handed a broom that Matsuno finally tells you how upset he actually is. "I like kids too, but you really fucked me over with bringing them here." He half whines-half grumbles.

"Couldn't you have taken them straight to the office or something? This was my valuable break time!" Matsuno does sound very sympathetic right now as he scrubs off the dried juice from the tables.

"Some of them needed to pee." You say simply while dusting up the many spilled chips.

"There's a bathroom by the customer service area, it's like you just wanted to ruin my day!"

You think for a moment before attempting reply again. "You think so?" You guess you could see it that way, but kids are so cute.

"Why else would you bring a million brats into here when I was supposed to take my break?!" Matsuno begins to pick up the cups and bottles of juice along with the stray cookie stained napkins that littered the floor.

Hmmm. You had a reason but now it feels silly to say out loud. "I guess I thought you might wanna help them with me? I thought you might like seeing them. Plus I really wanted someone else to see how cute and polite they were. They were soo well behaved, weren't they?"

Matsuno sighs when you are finally done sweeping and switch to mopping the sticky floors. "You must really like kids."

You mod dreamily, "One of my life goals is to be a wicked stepmother. Cinderella style."

"Give that up then." Matsuno spits out rudely. "You'll spoil her until she's ugly inside and out."

You gasp, "No I wouldn't! I would be a great evil stepmom!" You have a plan and system you'd follow.

"Yeah? I just saw otherwise. You have no backbone when it comes to cute stuff at all. In fact you're all talk and no action." Matsuno is so rude.

"Okay, well that's just not true. I have a lotta evil schemes to ruin my step kids lives." Matsuno snorts at your confidence.

"Like what?"

Like what?! "I'm gonna bite them!" You say triumphantly, "Yeah while they're babies. Gonna yum-yum on their widdle toes or whatever. Gross." Matsuno instantly sees through you.

"I'll call them embarrassing nicknames and tease them in front of their friends."

"Like what, baby? Cutie pie? That's just being affectionate." You glare at him.

"Well, I'll hold their hand when crossing the street even though they can do it by themselves!" Matsuno sighs.

"That's being affectionate and responsible."

"I'll pack their lunch with a bunch of vegetables and only ONE snack."

"With a note saying how much you love them, too? Once again just affectionate and responsible."

You are losing this battle quickly. "I'll hug them everyday!"

"Are you giving up? That's just being a loving mother!"

"And kiss their cheeks too." You add, grumbling. "And we can go out to lunch at the park on weekends, and I can help them with their homework and we can do chores around the house together and if they're very good I'll get them a puppy."

"Those are all just being a loving mother, dumbass! Where's the wicked part supposed to come from?!" Matsuno shouts and you feel just an iota of silly.

"My household rules will be strict. An allowance should be earned by doing chores and not just freely given." This makes Matsuno flinch.

"Th... That actually is evil. Don't do that. Kids need money too, they shouldn't have to earn it."

Aha!

"And they should help cook dinners when they're old enough! I want my kids to take over the gross chores when I get older so I won't have to anymore. Like taking out the trash and scrubbing the toilet. After age twelve I never want to wash a dish again in my life."

Watching Matsuno recoil from you like the first time you met is very satisfying.

"That's going too far! Being a kid is stressful enough without having to do housework too. Think of the kids, they have their own lives too live!"

You blink at him, "Someone has to do it though. You don't have your mom still cleaning up after you at this age so why shouldn't you start teaching them when they're kids?"

Studying Matsuno's face changing when you said his mother doesn't clean up after him anymore is a struggle. "You don't still... Do you?" You ask with disgust.

"Hahaha! My break is over, let's finish this conversation later! You still have a while before yours right? I’ll make you a latte on the house! So yeah, see you then." Matsuno all but physically boots you out of the cafe.

You kinda take it easy despite the event. Your bunny ears have long been knocked off by babies, and you still wanna wear the windbreaker. Matsuno's looked really cool up close too.

For a brief second you and Matsuno were publicly thanked in front of the crowd for rounding up the many lost kids. After that you went on to follow more of the stupid rules to an obnoxious point. Then you were on the register pretty much until the end of the day.

You wanted to eat and take your break, but it seems like the kids who stayed all wanted to be checked out in your line. Lots of babbling of summaries from the event even though most of it is too nonsensical to follow. You animatedly try to keep up as their guardians thank you for your patience. After they were served, the lines became full of adults and older teens who bought a buncha limited edition merch.

It's always a bit awkward having to listen to guys info dump about a new series for the first time, but thankfully it comes in handy after hearing the same information over and over. It makes the discussions you are mandated to partake in go by faster as you check them out. It's also fun when housewives come in and do the same thing because you get to see which hotties are getting popular.

At the end of the shift you're called into the staff room where Matsuno is also waiting. Matsuno has a strangely fake smile but his eyes are aggressively staring down the new store manager.

"Ah! There you are, zansu. Me was just telling Osomatsu-kun how thankful Akatsuka Reads is for your help finding the brats - me means precious angels during today's event, zansu." This guy has a funny voice. He's a real character. Big overbite too.

"I'm Todomatsu." Matsuno corrects with an even darker glare.

"It doesn't matter, you're all the same." The manager says. Huh. Wonder what that means.

"So anyways, me was thinking of a way to thank you both! How about a coupon for free oden, zansu?" Right as you were taking your coupon, Matsuno starts shouting.

"Why would I want that, Iyami?! I can eat at Chibita's any time!"

"Can't you be more professional like her, Osomatsu?" Iyami tch's disparagingly at Matsuno.

"Yeah, be grateful." You add in teasingly with a playful grin. "Osomaru?" You look back up at Iyami who nods that you got it close enough.

"Osotaro." You repeat even more incorrectly than before with a fun impish smirk.

"I'm Todomatsu - also you don't get to join in! You don't even know this guy so take my side!"

"Where's the stall located at?" You ignore Matsuno to look at the handwritten coupon, it expires very quickly and only includes one serving of oden and no drinks.

"Me can show you after this, zansu." The way Iyami offers that creeps you out thoroughly. He even tries to get in your personal space which isn't a good thing. After stepping back around fifty feet you look over at Matsuno with a look that might not outrightly beg for assistance but hopefully he understands from the amount of time you've worked together.

Matsuno glares at you before nodding. "Alright, I'll go too."

"You're not invited, zansu." Iyami starts shooing Matsuno off.

"Oh, that's too bad then. Matsuno and I had agreed to get food after this since we both missed our breaks. Let's go, Matsuno." Yes, the perfect out! You lie amazingly convincing, so now your weird manager doesn't know you're avoiding going out with him. Matsuno childishly sticks his tongue out at Iyami as you walk away. He even tries to grab your arm for a second to make Iyami jealous but you hip bump nearly to the floor.

You grab your shit from your locker while Matsuno does the same. You both exchange looks before exiting the store.

When you break into a jog you hear Matsuno scream wait behind you which causes you to stop in your tracks.

"That wasn't a we make a run for it look, that was a play it cool look!! Jeeze, it's like you don't know anything!" Matsuno shouts while running to catch up. "Why are you so fast anyways?! Shouldn't you be training for the Olympics?"

"Ah, sorry Matsuno. I'm not fluent in telepathy yet." You're a bit distracted by how fucking cool that cheap piece of shit windbreaker looks in natural lighting.

When Matsuno catches back up he notices you staring him down. "Ugh, gross. Stop staring at my body." He even attempts to cover himself up.

"I wasn't, I just really want that." You could beat him up for it. You bet he's the type who might not actually call the police if you bully him.

"Want what?!"

"Your jacket." When you say this, Matsuno looks down at the windbreaker. "Oh, this? Yeah, here take it. This is more Jyushimatsu-niisan's style anyways. I would've preferred it in pink."

Your eyes sparkle, "You mean it?"

"Yeah, I only wore it at work. It's really badly made so don't expect it to last." Matsuno takes off the jacket and hands it to you. You're a bit suspicious because it's probably gonna give you a headache knowing how Matsuno drenches himself in perfume.

You sniff it just to be sure which causes Matsuno to scream." Wh-what are you doing?! Why are you smelling it?!"

You keep rotating it around to examine if there's any offensive odors or alcohol scents. Instead there's the smell of cheap plastic fabric and a light baby powder like freshness to it. This won't give you a headache. You smile before putting it on.

"Uggh... That was so weird... What's wrong with you...?" Matsuno's shivering like he's really creeped out by your actions.

"Y'know I thought it was because I went noseblind to your foul stench, but you don't stink anymore. You actually smell good now, great job." You give him a thumbs up of approval.

Something about your words makes Matsuno's cheeks light up. "Hehe, you think? I changed to Powdered Daydream by - wait! I mean of course I don't stink! I've never smelled bad to begin with!"

You wait for Matsuno to finish, "So what now?" Because you are hungry. Like super hungry. "I'm going home." Matsuno says defiantly.

"Okay, cool." You unfortunately have to still drop off Matsuno. A few weeks back you realized if you left him by himself to get home Matsuno would get hopelessly lost around the third street turn. He doesn't even have your line or number so he just yelled at you that he could've died the next day. You get the feeling he's the type of person who in high school would get lost on a route he went on twice a day for all three years if he weren't holding someone's hand. A child basically.

This is awkward, you think walking super slowly so Matsuno could keep up. He's still pouting which is normal but usually there would be at least something to argue about.

There's gotta be something to talk about at the very least, right? You think back to work today, there has to be something to go over but a lot happened and you don't really know where to start. You kinda wish you could have seen Daisuke today but he was pretty much hosting the entire event.

"So about work?" You start off, please have a jumping off point. Matsuno, please understand you can't stand weird dead air.

"I can't believe our new managers! Did you know that from now on I literally have to - with each drink, mind you try to get the customers to sign up for a rewards card? It doesn't even offer actual rewards by the way! You get nothing for having it other than a keychain! Imagine having to explain all fucking day, 'no you don't get a free coffee or any discounts. The reward is us selling your data and this shitty clearly cheaply mass produced keychain. Enjoy.' with a smile?! I want to kill myself every time!"

Matsuno's animated rant makes you laugh a little. "Dude that sucks. My new thing is I'm not supposed to give out discounts or accept returns without another guy's code. Then they get upset at me for not having said code and making him come over. Also I'm apparently underselling the books worth by taking the discounts they put out online in the newsletter?"

Matsuno glares straight ahead,"You should start pretending that the register is malfunctioning and let code guy do cashiering for you. Or say you don't know how."

"I don't think that'd work. Also remember this landmark." You say pointing at a recycling bin.

"What landmark?" Matsuno asks. "That one." You wiggle your finger, "The blue thingy."

"The recycling?" You nod.

"That one is always overfilled so if you see it you know you only have to take a left at the second block over and then walk til you see the fat cat sticker on the car bumper. After the fat cat you go straight til you see the wind chimes and then you're at the station."

Matsuno stares at you slackjawed. "What?"

"Those the directions to get to F station. Don't worry, I'll point them out as we go so you can remember them later." Your contacts are a bit itchy, plus you kinda wanted that oden but you won't chance running into Iyami. You'll drop Matsuno off then eat.

"Uh. Okay, thanks?"

Oh yeah, Matsuno seemed very familiar with that guy. You should be nosy and ask about it.

"So you must know Iyami pretty well outside of work?"

Matsuno grits his teeth, "Don't ask me that."

You won't press then.

"He's a shitty hobo bum who's always trying to ruin my life! It's a tie between him and my bastard older brothers who make life a living hell everyday! It's like I'll never obtain happiness being associated with such vile monsters but I just can't escape them either! Everywhere I go one of them finds me and fucks everything up."

So even though you did not press further here you are three minutes deep into a vent session. You kinda didn't sign up for this rant. "That sucks." You say again, maybe you'll hit him with another damn that's crazy next.

"It does suck!! Iyami got us hired at a sweatshop and it was the worst experience of my life!"

"Damn, that's crazy." You have no clue what the fuck Matsuno is talking about. "How many brothers do you have anyways?" Let's just be polite.

"Five! Five horrible older brothers! Well, actually four since Jyushimatsu-niisan is usually decent. The other ones are all garbage!"

You nod in agreement, "Yeah I'm sure they're the worst." When you say this Matsuno looks at you with stars in his eyes, "You agree?!"

"Yeah, I mean if someone as awful as you thinks these guys are bad they must be intolerable for normal people."

The stars burn out one by one. You wonder why since you tried to make it obvious that you were joking.

"Was that too dry of delivery?" You ask.

You get the silent treatment the rest of the walk to the station with Matsuno ignoring your landmarks. He doesn't look up from his phone again until he's out of sight.

#matsuno todomatsu x reader #totty x reader #todomatsu/reader #osomatsu san #osomatsu san x reader #unedited again bc my baby is about to come home and i dont have the time #roros fics #todomatsu x reader #todomatsu matsuno x reader #peachpit fic #ppf c4

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shemakesmusic-uk · 3 years

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Wallice has shared her subversive new single 'Hey Michael'. 'Hey Michael' amplifies her blood-thirsty nature, a revenge anthem that finds Wallice turning into a worse villain than her erstwhile love interest. A song about toxic tendencies and how they manifest in our lives, 'Hey Michael' twists and turns around American Psycho imagery. Wallice labels "a revenge anthem for anyone who has encountered a gaslighting, manipulative person. It’s what I wish I would have said to all the ‘Michael’s’ I have met in my life. It can be substituted by many names, we all know or have met a ‘Michael’ though. Somehow the world revolves around them and they just can’t catch a break, because they never do anything wrong and it’s usually your fault. You should have listened to your gut instinct and swiped left on this Michael. This isn’t a man-hating song, it’s just something many people can relate to. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to admit just how bad a friend, date, or romantic partner was and a lot of the time, I would just smile and laugh off stupid remarks but when I think back, I wish I had told them off. But at the same time, my persona in the song is not the best person either. I literally say: I think I want to start a fight, which one is your girlfriend? The whole song is funny because I am so focused on how shitty Michael is that I don’t even think about how shitty I might be as well." Directed by Phil Stillwell, the video takes place at a house party, with Wallice interacting with various 'Michaels' before her behaviour spirals into something much, much worse. [via Clash]

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Hailing from the Philippines, singer-songwriter Laica is coming off a breakout 2020. Now the 21-year-old is gearing up for the release of her debut album I’m so fine at being lonely. The first single off the project, 'love u lately' is here, accompanied by a music video directed by Cooper Leith. 'Love u lately' is a relatable and infectious track. The song revolves around dating, understanding mixed signals, and the confusion that surrounds that world. Lyrically, Laica walks us through her experiences here, voicing her thoughts and frustrations about someone who she just can't seem to read right. Production-wise, the track is carried by a pulsing synth and a groovy bass. Together, the track feels upbeat. The vibe created by the production stands in contrast with the more emotional lyrics, making the track complex and interesting. The music video takes the concept of 'love u lately' to the extreme, in a fun and playful way. Laica is seen capturing her dream boy and attempting to use witchcraft to finally win him over. The video has a very DIY feel, which could serve to add to the reliability of the track. It’s a great extension of the track and taps into everyone’s most fantasy-driven realities. [via Earmilk]

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At first, Emily C Browning wasn't sure what to think. Spurned, rejected, and cast aside, she was angry, furious, and - at times - utterly bereft. Usually she'd utilise songwriting as a vessel for her emotions, but when she was so conflicted, and feeling so negative, that it just didn't enter her mind. The Christchurch, New Zealand artist needed to take a step back, and when she located some perspective, she was ready to act. New single 'I Wasn't Into You Anyway' is a soaring slice of revenge, one that finds Emily C Browning taking full control of her music. Her first solo production credit, its reminiscent of those surging, empowering Maggie Rogers bops, while also containing similar DNA to Sharon Van Etten's work. Lyrically, it's absolutely her own creation, with Emily leaning on those often-hidden feelings. She comments... "Everyday for a month I wrote in my journal: I want to write a song about feeling rejected. But I couldn’t figure out how to keep it light and funny, it can be quite a painful topic and I didn’t want to sound too heavy. But I kept working on it everyday and came up with this song. I then spent another month recording it, trying to capture a sound that stayed upbeat and playful. I put so much time and energy into the song that I ended up completely forgetting about the person who rejected me in the first place (honest, I swear)." [via Clash]

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Alt-pop force Holly Humberstone returns with new single 'Haunted House'. The songwriter's potent debut EP Falling Asleep At The Wheel was a sensation, racking up more than 100 million global streams. A bona fide phenomenon, Holly returns with a single that displays a more nuanced, reflective side to her work. 'Haunted House' digs into childhood, and looks at the way memory can frame the way we construct our identities. She comments: "I wrote this song about the old and characterful house I grew up in. The house is such a huge part of who I am and our family. With my sisters and I moving out and living separate lives, coming home feels very comforting and one of the only things keeping us all connected." Playing with concrete imagery and no small degree of invention, 'Haunted House' connects art to life in an enchanting fashion. She adds: "The house is almost falling down around us now though, and we’ve realised that pretty soon we’ll be forced to leave. There’s a cellar full of meat hooks and a climate so damp mushrooms grow out of the walls. Loads of people have probably died here in the past but I’ve always felt really safe. It’s like a seventh family member. It’s part of me." [via Clash]

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In 2019, the Boston-born and Brooklyn-based indie rock album Crumb released their debut album Jinx. Crumb haven’t yet announced plans to follow that album up, but they’re definitely working towards something. Last month, the band came out with a one-off single called 'Trophy.' Now, they’ve followed that one with two new tracks, and they’re both winners. The new songs 'BNR' and 'Balloon' both fit nicely into Crumb’s comfort zone. The band’s sound is a rich, sophisticated take on psychedelia, with blissed-out lead vocals from Lila Ramani and with some great funky drum action. The band co-produced both songs with Foxygen’s Jonathan Rado, who’s done great recent work with people like Father John Misty and Weyes Blood and the Killers and who knows how to make oblique ’70s-style pop sound good. But Crumb themselves deserve a ton of credit for coming up with a sound this layered and weird. They’re the rare circa-2021 band who might remind you of Broadcast. In a press release, Ramani says, “‘BNR’ is an ode to my favorite colors. I had a weird obsession with those colors in winter 2018-2019 and felt like they would follow me around everywhere I went." 'BNR' also has a cool music video. Director Joe Mischo starts the clip off as a hallucinatory reverie, but he turns it sharply towards horror at the end. [via Stereogum]

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Last year, Limerick poet/musician Sinead O’Brien released her debut EP, Drowning In Blessings. It was a unique work, a handful of songs featuring O’Brien’s sing-speak over spindly, post-punk guitars. It garnered O’Brien a bit of buzz overseas, and it left you wondering where she might take her music from there. Now, O’Brien’s back with a new song called 'Kid Stuff.' “‘Kid Stuff’ shows up all different tones on different days,” O’Brien said in a statement. “There’s something alive in it which cannot be caught or told. It is direct but complex; it contains chapters. This feels like our purest and most succinct expression yet.” Like Drowning In Blessings, 'Kid Stuff' found O’Brien working with Speedy Wunderground mastermind Dan Carey. Musically, it hints at a level up moment for O’Brien. There was something alluring and jagged about Drowning In Blessings, but 'Kid Stuff' places her usual approach over a song that is surprisingly groovy — maybe even a little danceable. It comes with a video directed by Saskia Dixie. [via Stereogum]

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Das Beat are made up of German actress and vocalist Eddie Rabenberger and Agor of Blue Hawaii. The pair have just shared their first single 'Bubble' online now and are set to release their debut EP Identität on June 4 via Arbutus Records. Born in Berlin during 2020’s legendary lockdown, Das Beat seeks to blast both boredom and boundary. Dabbling in German New Wave, Italo Disco, Indie & Dance, their sound is unified by vocals from Eddie Rabenberger, sung in German and English. Amidst playful lyrics one finds a strong underlying pulse (das “beat”), pinning down the duo’s meandering atmospherics, dreamy synths, guitars and percussion. The duo is half-Canadian and half-German. Agor (of Blue Hawaii), moved to Berlin from Montreal in 2018. Eddie is a theatre actress originally hailing from a small town in Bavaria. Together they find a strange but alluring symbiosis - like Giorgio Moroder meets Nico, or Gina X Performance meets The Prodigy.

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St. Vincent has fully embraced the ’70s aesthetic for her retro-sounding new record, Daddy’s Home. Now, she’s diving headlong into the animation styles of the era with the video for 'The Melting of the Sun'. Presented as a “betamax deluxe release” rip from “Candy’s Music Video Archives,” the clip blends live action shots of St. Vincent herself with the wavy, intermittent animation frames any Schoolhouse Rock student is familiar with. The psychedelic lines fit a song called 'The Melting of the Sun' perfectly, as do the drawings of the legends mentioned in the song’s lyrics like Nina Simone, Joni Mitchell, and Tori Amos. St. Vincent co-directed the clip with Bill Benz, while Chris McD provided the animation. [via Consequence]

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Bay Area slowcore trio Sour Widows have released a new single, 'Bathroom Stall,' from their forthcoming EP Crossing Over, which they announced last month with its title track. The song’s build-up is subtle and poignant like Sufjan Stevens, but Maia Sinaiko’s evocative, sweeping vocals are one-of-a-kind, and the lyrics are graphic and tragic: “Do you remember it like I do?/ Your lips turned blue I had my fingers in your mouth/ And I couldn’t get them out.” Sinaiko said of the song: "This song is about a relationship I had with someone who struggled with addiction, who very tragically passed away three years ago while we were together. It’s about some moments we shared, and how it feels to walk around carrying that person and those experiences with me while the world stays normal. I wrote the song because I wanted to preserve and document what happened to me. to write out the scary stuff and just let it sit there forever. I think its funny that its called 'Bathroom Stall' and that it has that image in it: the song goes from heavy and dark to ordinary and totally pedestrian in a sentence, which feels absurd. And that’s kind of what it’s like to grieve. That’s kind of what’s hard to explain about grief, how absurd it is. Part of you goes to a different planet and part of you stays walking around like an alien on Earth, going to the bathroom and looking at the moon and shit." [via Stereogum]

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As JUNO-nominated singer Kandle Osborne prepares to launch her new project, Set The Fire this spring, she shares the album’s third single, 'Misty Morning.' From being penned on a napkin while abroad to a Vancouver studio, 'Misty Morning' is a sonic journey that echoes soulful vulnerability and an honest reflection of realizing true love. For the video, Kandle reconnects with 'Honey Trap' director, Brandon William Fletcher, to create classic 40s noir-inspired cine-magic, filmed along the Vancouver coastline and within the lush landscape of Stanley Park. Kandle says: “‘Misty Morning’ is my first real love song, captured on a napkin while in Ischia, Italy when I was truly happy. My songwriting usually comes from a place of turmoil and catharsis, but this was simply a snapshot of a perfect, vulnerable moment. In recording it, I wanted to hide behind lush orchestration, but my producer/ best friend Michael Rendall had other ideas. He wanted to strip it down to just piano & a single vocal to take me out of my comfort zone and re-capture the open-hearted feelings I had while writing it. The song and the recording both hold for me a time when I dropped my guard for pure authentic love in spite of all my flaws and failures. In that moment, I felt my true value as a whole person for the first time.”

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On 'Vertigo,' Alice Merton’s first single of 2021, the 27-year-old describes the long road from uncertainty back to self-confidence. It emphasizes the unrest that seizes her again and again, the thought: “Why can’t I just let it go?” These contradicting thoughts and emotions that are so familiar to all of us sum up to an overwhelmingly positive effect - 'Vertigo' leaves you empowered rather than anxious: A powerful indie pop arrangement with distorted guitars, plus Alice Merton’s crystal-clear voice. The result is reminiscent of the British Invasion, with no air of self-doubt. With its energetic live qualities, 'Vertigo' feeds an appetite for summer festivals and concerts that will definitely return at some point. Largely responsible for this is the Canadian producer Koz, a multiple Grammy nominee, who has worked with Dua Lipa ('Physical') among others. Here, too, he adds on to what has already made Alice Merton stand out from the crowd in the past - her classic pop appeal - with an uncompromising and indie attitude. This enables Alice to take another big step: She equally encourages a shaken generation and herself that there will be easy summers again. That you can dance again and lie in each other's arms. That it is absolutely fine to have many facets, to not always be clear, and that strength and weakness are not mutually exclusive.

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Canadian artist Olivia Lunny's new release 'Sad To See You Happy' is a shamelessly poppy track centering an acutely relatable break-up narrative. The Canadian artist follows up her breakthrough success with a bouncy cut to soundtrack 2021’s long-awaited spring. There's a relatable tale of break-up at the heart of the gloriously poppy new single, belied by percussive instrumentation that creates a warm, nostalgic feel. [via Line Of Best Fit]

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After sharing the single last month, Charlotte Adigéry is now revealing the brand new video for ‘Bear With Me (and I’ll stand bare before you)’. The first new music since her 2019 debut EP Zandoli, Charlotte says of the video, “The video is about being confined thus confronted to the way we live. The cruel irony of having the privilege of standing still, questioning and observing my life in all safety while others are fighting for theirs. On the other hand, the video is about trying to stay sane while feeling that the walls are closing in on you. Embracing boredom and finding joy in the little things in life.” Director Alice Kunisue adds, “When I listened to Charlotte’s song and what it meant for her and Bolis, I wanted the video to visually encapsulate that feeling of being stuck inside and confronted to our deeper selves while paradoxically sensing the chaos going on in the outside world without being able to do anything about it. Choosing to film an apartment room from one single angle was a way to reflect that narrowness of thought that we all experienced, but also a constraint that allowed us to explore and develop visual ideas within a narrow system, in a way having to think only inside the box, which artistically was a fun challenge.” [via DIY]

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Millie Turner has shared a video for ‘Concrete Tragedy’. It’s a cut from her upcoming mini-album Eye Of The Storm, set for release on May 16, which also features a rework of breakout song ‘(Breathe) Underwater’. “This video is a visual representation of dancing on your own,” she says of the clip. “Combining the many parts of who we are when we’re by ourselves, I wanted it to feel like you’re entering a world of imagination that comes alive when we express ourselves.” [via Dork]

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Doja Cat and SZA have come together for a new single called 'Kiss Me More.' When the song was announced Wednesday night, the internet flipped out, which is to be expected with these two — especially Doja Cat, who is regularly going viral these days for all kinds of reasons. When it comes to collaborations, she always finds the best people. That includes Saweetie, who appeared on Doja’s recent 'Best Friend' but then claimed that it was released against her wishes. Given SZA’s long history of public frustration over TDE Records holding back her new album, she is probably happy to have any new music out. Despite recent single 'Good Days' hitting the top 10, her restless fanbase is still awaiting a follow-up to 2017’s iconic Ctrl. 'Kiss Me More' is the first single from Doja’s new album Planet Her, scheduled for release this summer. It returns to the disco vibes of Doja’s #1 hit 'Say So,' this time with no apparent resemblance to any Skylar Spence song. [via Stereogum]

#videos of the week #wallice #kita #dance lessons #laurel smith #laica #emily c. browning #holly humberstone #crumb #st. vincent #sour widows #kandle #alice merton #olivia lunny #charlotte adigery #millie turner #doja cat #sza

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geist-fledermaus · 4 years

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Get To Know Me!

Since I’ve received quite a few followers here and there, I might as well do this!

What is your full name?: Beryl (Sorry, I don’t like my whole name)

What does your name mean?: It’s a gemstone.

Are you named after anyone?: My großmütter, Beryl Rae Jensen

Does your name make any interesting anagrams?: Not really?

If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?: Fuck if I know. Probably something basic so I’m less easy to find.

Where are you from?: North Pole, AK (I shit you not)

Where were you born?: North Pole, AK

Where did you grow up?: North Pole, AK

Who did you look up to growing up?: My father.

What are your best characteristics?: I can draw.

What are your favorite things about yourself?: I can draw.

Which of your parents are you closest to?: My dad.

Which of your parents are you more like?: My daaaad.

What relative was important to you growing up & why?: Tbh My dad was my super hero, he took care of me and my sister, worked 3 jobs, and took care of mom while she went through cancer. He’s the most important lmfao.

What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?: I’m Pagan.

What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?: Bert Raymond...

What is your best physical feature?: Eyes or chest. :/

What is your biggest accomplishment?: Being locally recognized as an artist, especially on local TV.

What is your biggest fear?: Being forgotten, being alone.

What is your biggest regret?: Not pushing myself even more with art.

What is your eye color?: Various blues with inner green circles.

What inspires you?: Other artists.

What is the most important thing in your life?: My fiance! @boywasgirl

What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?: To not give up. To not quit college and drop everything I’ve worked hard for.

What is your favorite flower?: Sunflowers!

What is your favorite weather?: Rainy weather and thunder/lightning storms!

Who is your favorite actor?: I have a few, but I love Johnny Depp and Jason Momoa.

Who is your favorite actress?: F u c k. I adore Emma Stone, Emma Watson.. uhh.. Emilia Clarke! That’s just to name a few.

Who is your favorite celebrity?: Oh fuck. Idk.

Who is your favorite musician?: They’re a band but I love Bring Me The Horizon, Oliver Syke’s voice and lyrics hit me hard.

Who’s your favorite person in the world?: @boywasgirl

Who are your best friends?: @armageddonne @darkdragoonxiii @vixenchildxd69-blog and my bff Alisha!

What is your favorite childhood memory?: My sister breaking the fucking garage door like a dumbshit.

What is your favorite color?: Black or seafoam green~ I also love other greens and blues! It’s so damn hard to choose.

What is your favorite cultural activity?: Uh. Axe throwing? Idk what counts as a cultural activity when it comes to me and my family haha.

What is your favorite drink?: For waking up, Monster or pomegranate and orange redbull kickers, I love mountain dew, anything with peaches and mango as well.

What is your favorite fairytale?: HAHA. I looove reading about the Tales of Grimm. I can’t just pick one.

What is your favorite food?: Pizza or Taco Bell.

What is your favorite holiday destination?: Anywhere but Alaska. I love to explore. I REALLY want to travel to Germany, Norway, Ireland, England, and most of Western Europe.

What is your favorite ice-cream flavor?: Strawberry Cheesecake or Mint Chocolate

What is your favorite music genre?: Fuck. I have so many. I love a lot of metal subgenres, alternative rock, punk, old 2000′s emo bands, EDM, rap, I don’t even know how to label all of my favorites but there’s a lot to unpack there. If you’re curious just shoot me a question ahaha!

What is your favorite physical activity?: Swimming!!

What is your favorite quote?: “Keep listening to music because it gets you through everything, I promise.” - Mitch Lucker, former vocalist of Suicide Silence.

What is your favorite snack?: Peach Rings, Brightside Skittles.. Uhh. MY MOM’S CLAM DIP AND RUFFLES CHIPS?

What is your favorite song?: Throne - BMTH or Mis//Understanding - We Came As Romans.

What is your favorite sport?: Swimming, Hockey, Volleyball and Fencing.

What is your favorite time of the day?: Early afternoons or late nights.

What is your favorite type of clothing?: Goth/Alt fashion.

What is your favorite way to pass time?: Gaming or drawing.

What is the name of your favorite restaurant?: Family Diner (It’s in my town. It’s really chill and laid back.)

What is your all-time favorite town or city? Why?: I really enjoyed Denver, CO. It was filled with really colorful, intriguing personalities. There was so much to explore, everyone was so open and sweet.

What is your height?: ... 5′2″

What time period would you love to live in?: Viking Era.

What did you do for fun as a child?: Drawing.

Who was a role model in your life?: My dad!

Did you have any childhood pets?: I grew up with 5 cats and 4 dogs!

When you were young, what did you want to be?: A mortician.

What family traditions were important to you?: I can’t even remember many.. I loved during gatherings how we’d play Spoons, wrestle, and be reckless though.

What was your favorite childhood memory?: Ahah! Shenanigans with my “Twin” Kyle.

What was your favorite childhood possession?: My Gameboy Color!

What challenges did you experience when you were young?: Almost losing my mother, trying to speak English, being bullied heavily.

What is a defining moment from your childhood?: My mother coming home from the hospital finally.

What do you do for fun?: Play video games and draw. I’m pretty boring.

What are your hobbies?: Drawing, Painting, Digital Art, Gaming, Dancing, Singing.

What is something that you’re really passionate about?: My art.

What is something you could spend hours doing?: Drawing

What is something you wish you did more often?: Draw.

If you had to watch a documentary, what would you want it to be about?: Anything WW1/WW2 related or Forensics/Serial Killer related.

What do you always have on in the background?: Lofi Hiphop or random videos on youtube that catch my eye.

How do you feel about travel?: Fuck yeah, where are we going and for how long?

What is a guilty pleasure you enjoy?: Fuckin’ watching Serial Killer documentaries.

How have your interests changed over the years?: Nah, I’m still the same. I’m pretty bland.

Which sibling are you closest to?: My sister, Erika!

How close are you with your parents?: Close but not too close.

How has your relationship with your parents changed over the years?: For the worse.

What is one of the most important lessons that you learned from your family?: You cannot trust anyone. Not even your own family.

When does your family cause you to stress?: All the damn time. All they need to do is send me a text and I immediately begin to dread.

What does the word family mean to you?: Something that I never got to fully have but I experienced. It’s also something I can create on my own accord.

When you envision your ideal family, what do you see?: Honestly me with my partner/partners, kids, animals, and friends.

How vulnerable is your family with each other?: Everyone is always on guard and they’ll be mean if you even show some form of sensitivity.

What is a family trait that isn’t necessarily the healthiest?: Being a snitch, gaslighting, gatekeeping, misogyny, yelling if you even show an inkling of emotion. I could go on.

What relatives had the biggest impact on you growing up?: In a negative way, almost all of my family. The only two I really loved growing up were my dad and sister, Erika.

What do you watch on television?: If it’s cable I go to MTV, Forensic Files, or Adult Swim/Anything with cartoons.

What is one of your favorite movies?: To Hell And Back, Howl’s Moving Castle, Princess Mononoke, Dracula Untold (For some reason I just really like it, don’t judge).

If you could have free tickets to any event, what would it be?: A BMTH concert PLEASE. Or anything that’s a EDM/Rave environment. ;_;

What is your favorite form of media?: Youtube tbh.

What role does music play in your life?: A huge role, BMTH got me through a lot of hard times.

What is one of your favorite books?: Corey Taylor’s Seven Deadly Sins. It’s a riot of a read and makes me laugh.

How often do you watch sporting events?: Here and there, especially at bars if they have Hockey going.

What would your ideal weekend getaway look like?: Road trip to Anchorage and staying at my mom’s cousin’s estate in the mountains. I only got to go there a few times and the view is absolutely captivating. You can see the waters, the city, all the lights.. fuck I’d love to draw that.

Who are popular figures that you love to learn from?: Fuck if I know LOL.

What celebrity/musician would you love to meet in real life?: Oliver Sykes and Maria Brink tbh.

If you wrote a memoir about your life, what would it be called?: “Well, That Happened.” A memoir of a dumb bitch LOL.

What fictional world would you want to travel to for a day?: FUCK. I’d love to just be in a simulation like the girl in Porter Robinson’s music video of Shelter. Just being in a drawing simulation where I can run around and create anything and everything around me. But if we’re talking actual worlds.. I’d probably love to be in Avatar The Last Airbender’s world. I love that series so much.

What room in your house most represents who you are as a person?: The Office. It’s got art supplies, our gaming PC, all of my schoolwork/homework, the drawing tablets..

How clean a person are you?: Tbh I am pretty clean, it’s just cleaning huge messes/unpacking that I hate.

What is a pet peeve that you have?: STOP CHEWING WITH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH OPEN.

What behavior do you do that is most likely a pet peeve to others?: Uhh. Idk. Nail biting? Loud laughter? forgetting to turn off lights? Idk.

What phrase or word do you overuse when you talk?: “I’m so sorry” “I m a g i n e”

If you could only eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life, what would it be?: Fuck. Hahaaaaa. I’d probably love to just sit and eat at the Family Diner. I love their Reubens.

What is something about your personality that you like? Don’t like?: I like that people feel comfortable running to me when they need a friend. I don’t like a lot about me, though.

What would your friends be surprised to learn about you?: I am ambidextrous and I know German/Englisch and some French! I want to learn Norwegian even more and Gaelic!

Where do you see yourself in a few years?: West coast where it’s rainy with those that I love, pursuing my career finally after all these years of hard work.

Thanks for reading this if you finally made it to the end! If there’s other questions you want to ask, don’t hesitate! ^^ Hopefully you learned something about me!

#Get to know me #Hi #102 questions better be enough #ask #ask me anything

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years

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mtmte liveblog issue 9

back at it again, and its time for the shadowplay arc, HELL yeah

oh I'm so excited i love this arc lets DO this

oooh its nightbeat and quark!! way before they become relevant, which is so cool

‘one of those recepticon fanatics’ lmao imagine if they were...the recepticons. just doesn't have the same ring to it

god i fucking love all the politics of mtmte. i love how they’re talking about the senate here before we really get to See how bad they were (we heard a bit about it from whirl a few issues ago, and now here)

love how nightbeat is pretty much agreeing with the decepticon ideology here, even if its clear that he isn't Actually a decepticon - it just drives home the fact that, in this story, The Decepticons Were Right About A Lot Of That Stuff (or at least, they had a reason other than ‘destruction’ for rebelling).

AND THEN THERES RUNG!!!!!!! WITH HIS MODEL OF THE LOST LIGHT....god i fuckgin LOVE the continuity in this story bc the first time reading this ur like oh ok rung is old yea makes sense...but then later all the time travel stuff happens and then its like OHHHHH

damn poor rung nightbeat can rlly tell he's lonely just by looking at him vbhjdkdfhbjsjkdf geez. also nightbeat that's ur mystery stick bf from the future js!!

quarks extreme POV on all of the stuff is so interesting, and makes so much sense bc of Course he would think that as a non-combatant scientist who, due to his functional value in current society, wouldn't really benefit much from a revolution - in fact, he’d probably lose a lot. and that’s the sort of thing where you’re like, ok well think about everyone else dude, have some perspective - but at the same time, quark did suffer a pretty terrible fate, so his fears weren't entirely unfounded...augh, its so fascinating...im sorry I'm not gonna shut up about space robot politics this Entire time

HOW did nobody notice that dead body before now

ratchet spray-painting the hands he stole from pharma to match his own paintjob is like...kinda gruesome if you think about it hvbhsjkdfbkjdf

i love rewind sooo much oh my god

he rlly stashed rung’s comatose body in a wheelchair behind the bar hbkjdhfbshjkdf rewind

rewind and chromedome’s tag-team explanation....ough hhhhh THEM

wait a sec, rewind, you have medical records in your database? that is, at least according to regular medical laws, very illegal lmao. my favorite long-running theme in mtmte: the fact that hipaa and osha laws on cybertron are either basically nonexistent, or just universally disregarded

what the actual fuck is up w/cybertronian time units. that shit is wack as hell

ooh i love how chromedome looks different in the flashback - no shoulder tires! - that's a cool detail

how come prowl just said ‘minute,’ rewind was busting it up w/all the wack ass fantasy time units just a second ago. geez

also goddd i love the scenery of pre-war cybertron, its SUCH a cool setting like, visually and aesthetically and politically

like, i adore details like the sign in the bg that says ‘everyone’s shape serves a purpose.’ really adds to the ‘society on the precipice of civil war currently controlled by an increasingly-desperate faction who are doling out propaganda like crazy in an attempt to maintain their image and control over the populace’ vibe

good ole murder mystery setup. love it!

pre-war prowl is such an interesting character. actually prowl in general is such an interesting character...I kinda wrote him off during my first read of mtmte (and even a little during my second readthru) as just this dude who’s an asshole (espec bc my prev tf experience involved watching tfa as a kid, and this prowl is very different from tfa prowl lol)...but prowl is SUCH a multi-faceted and interesting character, even in the relatively little we see of him in mtmte

plus it was interesting to learn later that prowl was one of the characters that jro wanted for mtmte and didn't get, and MAN i wish he got prowl bc I would've loved to see what jro would've done w/prowl on the lost light, that would've been amazing. like, just imagine the arc he would have...I have no idea what that arc would BE, but I know it would be awesome. plus I’d be really interested to see how prowl would factor in, relationships-wise, amongst the crew of the lost light. so much potential!

anyways. I'm in a very talky mood tonight it seems. its currently 4 am so that kinda explains it. ok, moving on!

chromedome and prowl bantering....in their own morbid forensic-cop way...

skids bvhjdbsfjasf. speaking what we’re all thinking: is prowl gonna keep showing up in mtmte despite not technically being part of the cast??

swerves drawing of prowl lmaoooo

AND THEN REWIND IN SOME OF MY FAVORITE MTMTE PANELS....fuckgin cracks me up every time god. rewind was rlly about to flip their entire ass table just to demonstrate that prowl is a serial table-flipper...and then he cant even make the table budge and he just stares at his hands like ‘how could you betray me like this’ hvbajkhhsfdhksdf PEAK hilarity

drift hvbshfdjbasdfj his forcibly cheery expression even tho he’s being harassed by rodimus, who is a big whiny toddler w/drift lmao

rodimus is the type of guy who, upon drift not replying to one of his texts, would post a whole twitter thread being all like ‘these days u cant trust any1 to hav ur back...u think u kno someone and then they just ghost you...(1/14)’

again, rewind, HOW and WHY do you just Have medical reports, oh my god, somebody please call a hipaa agent I’m scared,

ratchet interrupting the story to give a quick medical PSA....that's Such an on-brand thing for Me to do that I feel like jro is assigning me ratchet kin as I read this

also, hey, its sonic and boom, those two decepticons from delphi! nice little continuity there

AND HERES ORION PAX SUPER COP

can’t believe idw made my dad optimus prime into a cop. smh. shouldn't be that shocked tho, I feel like half the idw characters are cops

orion rlly hit them w/the omae wa mo shinderu arrest strat

orion: I cant believe you're beating this guy up. anyways, now I'm gonna beat YOU up,

when ratchet puts his hand over drifts mouth and then gets spray paint on drifts face bhjdfsvsdjhfgbjdskf

pre-war ratchet and drift ;_; ratchet’s little inspirational speech...the fact that he tells drift that he’s special...the fact that drift remembered all of this even after 4 million+ yrs...it gets me bro it GETS me

ALSO the layers in the fact that drift then goes on to become a well-known murderous decepticon...so this little scene of him and ratchet in the past gives a lot of context to ratchet’s general attitude towards drift - ratchet clearly feels at least somewhat responsible for all the blood on drift’s hands, since he saved drift’s life way back in the day

the whole relinquishment clinic thing is such cool worldbuilding, bc of course that's the kind of thing that would develop in a society of robot aliens who are only allowed to work within the rigid confines of their alt mode

I love the whole matrix thing bc its kinda like being the pope or st but also you have a ton of political sway, so its a super important position, so of Course the corrupt senate would want full control over that power, and would assassinate the current prime to try to get their own guy in

god vhbhjsdkbgshjdf rodimus is such a dick lmao poor drift

HHHHH I love that the cybertronian version of an autopsy is taking the dudes body apart into the smallest components and laying them all out. that's so fucking cool

hmmmm chromedome maybe you should Not be interested in mnemology, how about that,

oh god. time to start being sad about op and senator shockwave. oh god

senator shockwave more like senator sexy

also the first time I read this I thought I had just missed his name and like halfway thru the story I went back and scoured the pages looking for it hbvhsjdfbshgfdsbj then I was like oh ok so we’re maybe supposed to just know who this guy is from another comic? but NOPE it was very deliberate and I only realized very close to the end that they were setting up some sort of reveal

its funny bc normally I'm not a huge fan of stories where politics play a huge role but I fuckgin love it here, the politics and worldbuilding is all so interesting and also balanced out with a healthy dose of cool sci-fi hijinks, so

lmao there's chromedome being obsessed w/people making the ‘pfft’ sound

also wow yet more hindsight, maybe you Shouldn’t be so interested in the Institute, chromedome,

OHHHH shit I forgot abt the red alert stuff happening at the same time as this :( :( :(

AUGHHH what a fucked up situation. god

oooof i gotta continue now!! what a solid issue, I love the shadowplay arc

#lj rereads mtmte

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heyyylittlemo · 4 years

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Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^

#tag game #game #ask #19 days #19days

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peach-pops · 4 years

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heyo 🗿 may i request a matchup pls 🤲 i’m a straight female, i’m 5’6” and i have freakishly long limbs. like, it’s awkward how long my legs are. i have hip-length white hair and i have tons of freckles literally everywhere. i’m a figure skater and a dancer (🕺😼) and i’m constantly listening to music. i’m pretty reserved but i also carry that chaotic energy 🧍thank u!💗

i’m either attracted to one type or another. it’s either a guy who’s super outgoing and enthusiastic with an impeccable 👌😼 meme taste, or a shy, quiet guy. i definitely like guys with the same music taste. i’m really into indie rock, or alt. rock music. i’m not really a fan of rap but occasionally if my emotions get the best of me i have my angry rap playlist i’ll put on repeat. as for pet peeves, i cannot deal with someone who has two faces. i need someone who’s truthful || i prefer people to be who they truly are and don’t feel the need to mask their true selves. i’ve had too many people in my past who have lied about their true intentions with me and it makes me extremely angry and honestly kind of lost. also if he watches anime or reads manga i’m set for life 🙈 i hope this is enough information for you!! thank you so much!!

thanks for sending in a matchup! I really hope you like it and I gave you a lil bit of each type if you catch my drift (lowkey really proud of the bnha one) Matchups are open and the rules are in my bio!

I ship you with Nishinoya!

The first time he actually saw you was when he went over to Tanaka’s house and the very first channel on the tv was your televised dance competition.

He was BREATHLESS watching you with your technique and he found his heart stop at the end when you smiled at the camera cause “ohmygodshesmiledatme!!!”

Now imagine how he felt when Tanaka noticed and told him that you were in his math class! Noya begged Tanaka to introduce him to you and right from the start, you two hit it off and started to date

If it’s meme taste you want, it’s meme taste you’ll get. A good morning text is always really cute but with Noya, he’ll always send some chaotic meme that he found in the depths of the internet. His reasoning is that he wants you to laugh before you even get out of bed so you’ll have a good start to your day

Will always show you off to his teammates and will call you ridiculous/cringey nicknames that are based off inside jokes like bambi, ice queen, and Freckles ( that one is obvious but you get it)

Noya is the type to shout on rooftops about how lucky he is to be with someone as pretty and talented as you are. It never gets old although sometimes, you find it embarrassing. If you ever wanted him to stop, he would but would be really confused as to why he can’t show the world how proud he is of you

I ship you with Tamaki!

I’m going to say your quirk first cause it’s important on how you two met! Your quirk is: Cryokinetic surfing which means the bottom of your feet can release ice that helps aid in movement (basically like permanent ice skates)

One day as Tamaki was walking out of the dorm to class with Nejire and Mirio, you had woken up late because you slept through your alarm. You got ready as fast as you could and you used your quirk to quickly skate to class. Just as Tamaki was about to open the building doors, you accidentally ran into him and omg poor Tamaki he was MORTIFIED!

He was really embarrassed cause Tamaki had a huge crush on you and he thought it was his fault but you had to reassure him that you were okay and asked if you needed to take him to the nurse. He said over and over that he was fine but Mirio INSISTED that you should take him to Recovery Girl cause wink wonk he’s the best wing man

Very slowly but eventually, the two of you started dating and while he would never admit it out loud, Tamaki was really grateful you ran into him that day cause he couldn’t stand watching and pining for you from afar any longer

Tamaki’s music taste is more like lofi and chill coffee beats but he started listening to more alt and indie music so you two could relate and talk about it more! He even made you a playlist of all the songs that reminded him of you and his face was so red when you told him how sweet he was

One of the big things you like/respect about Tamaki is that he never feels the need to mask his true self. Yes, he’s shy and sometimes gets insecure but you are comfortable in your thoughts knowing he would never lie to you or try to be someone he’s not

He has his own ways of being supportive and loving you; he won’t shout from the rooftops that he loves you like Noya, but he expresses his love through small gestures and quality time. As long as you both look out for each other and work to try to understand each other, things will go smoothly

#peach-pops-ships #watermelonsugaships #haikyuu ships #bnha ships

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stillwooozy · 4 years

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well my mom is having heart surgery, or idk a stent put in her heart - isnt that heart survery? Anyways shes getting better so thats good.

Ive been playing chess w/ my dad but my 10 yr old brother can beat us both so my dad isnt pissed at me anymore. He lost to my brother so he yelled at HIM for “having an attitude” and i felt bad. sore loser much? I’m competitive as hell, but only for things i know im objectively good at. He admits he isnt good at chess. I’m kinda surprised cuz ngl my dad is smart and my 10 yr old brother is..... 10. But i guess my dads intellect manifests as writing ability and my brother is advanced in math sooo... maybe chess = math? Idk. They are still forced to quaratine cuz they have covid, i doubt i’ll get it but i’ll get tested when they do again. My dogs are going crazy cuz i cant take them to the park.

My mom will come home in a few days. I’m actually excited/relieved. Usually i dread seeing her cuz she always finds something to critize me about but now im just happy she isnt dead. Haha hashtag-compassion. Shes on a bunch of drugs but shes off a venilator and sounds okay. she tested negative for covid so shes done with that im pretty sure. Shes getting a stent put in. I tried to talk to a doctor cuz she was being vague but he wouldnt tell me anything and im like :/ i get it but... i wish they would make my life easier, im the last person who should act as a husband/parent figure but here i am. My dad is pissing me off - if he cant control a situation he gets angry & ignores it. Straight up. I WISH i could do that but i have a guilty complex instilled by my very own mother.

One of my brothers i watching attack on titan so thats pretty interesting. he’s 12 and i was like... um isnt that too young? But i was 13 when i watched it so i guess not

My mom told me if i picked up her meds after i pick her up from the hospital she’ll give me half her painkillers and was like “but dont OD”. I mean im not going to turn them down. Me - turning down tramadol? What reality would that be. she’s a weird woman. I feel bad for her, she blames everyone else for her problems including me but ik she loves me. even if she hates part of me at the same time. A part of me is convinced that ill die by drugs if i never manage to kick the habit but i’d also feel really bad knowing she’d blame herself. I mean its almost comedic how dysfunctional my family is. She goes full Karen begging for opioids, then gives her mentally ill son half the pills as a reward. hey - positive reinforcement i guess? Good for her. Dont hit ur kids - just give them drugs when they are being a good little boy.

I think i’ll watch AoT w/ my brother. Hes the sibling i probably ignore most. him and my 10 yr old brother. I like my 6 yr old brother and my 19 yr old sister. I mean i love all my siblings but come on..... 9-15 yr old boys are batshit. i say this from personal experience.

I asked him if he liked Eren x Mikasa cuz idk. Isnt that what most basic shonen preteen boys are into? I forced myself to read eremika hentai when i was about his age. He’s a nice jewish boy too, so 50/50 chance he has an east asian fetish. You want to know his reply??? “No I don’t see anyone as a couple they all seem gay to me - no offense”. None taken brother ... i have to agree

i was flirting w/ 2 girls on tinder - no worries im not going to spread covid i promise - and i’ve come to the realization that....... why do most “alt” girls SAY they want a bi boy to “peg” but...... get uncomfortable when that bi twink actually gets fucked by men. like what??????? they just want a boy who wears flowery blouses and eyeshadow. sorry hun i’m not that person. I look like mac demarco if he was a twink in the worst way possible. I hate this trend cuz its insincere or maybe im just self concious cuz im gross. its just....... u cant ask for a bi bf...... but not really want them to ever have fucked a man????????? Grindr is disgusting but damn tinder girls are judgemental. I look like david dobrick if he was gay & mentally ill - what do u expect of me? I just miss my ex. She was unusal and im just fully appreciating that. She was the only person (beside my ex who pulled a lil peep before it was cool) who matched my type of crazy. Unfortunately 2 crazy ppl can’t last long.

To clarify i dont tell ppl, i never will, that she was “my crazy gf” or “crazy ex”. I dont mean it as a fully bad thing - i mean im the one on antipsychs (she was on lithium.. what a romance amiright). I miss her so badly. I think about texting or calling her everyday. Honestly idk if she would answer. Maybe she has moved on. We both have a minimal (public) social media presence so i cant stalk her online. she just posts memes & social justice stuff on her sc. she didnt block me from any platform. I pretend she found this blog and can stalk me & i hope she feels bad for me - pathetic right? It wasnt even a bad breakup. We were never on the “same page”, not that type of couple or chemistry, but we enjoyed being together and i miss that cuz atm i have no one but my mentally ill family. jk my siblings are surprisingly sane. I mean the younger ones have time.

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sometipsygnostalgic · 5 years

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Assessing writing in homestuck: The difference between appealing characters and well-written character stories.

i was rambling about this to /u/cookiefonster in the discord earlier

theres a big difference between what qualifies as "good narrative" and "good character", even when the narrative youre discussing is focusing entirely on that character.

lets give you a couple of examples:

Terezi:

Terezi's a character who has a kind of fucked up storyline that just constantly loops back in on itself; she spends all of act 5 deciding whether to deal with Vriska or not, then gets in abusive relationships in act 6 after not being able to cope with her death. Terezi ends up with massive self esteem issues. Following from THIS, she dies, and retcons the story to undo her mistake and try to prevent the collapse of her self esteem. Sounds like an epic resolution to an arc, right?

Nope - post retcon, they brought Terezi's self esteem issues back but didn't give her the time of day to properly interact with other characters about it. She was unconfident around Vriska and insecure about her altself. Then she has a bit of a breakdown, unlocking some of the potential of her seer of mind abilities, and having a realisation of who truly is. You'd think, wow, Terezi after Remem8er is going to be interacting so much more with the other kids and FINALLY overcome her battle with depression, RIGHT?!?!

uhhh..... she doesnt say anything again until after the comic is over. then shes seen travelling through space.

When the epilogues drop she's interacting with John, they're building on top of their already amazing chemistry, they seem to understand each other like nobody else does in the entire fucking saga. Then Terezi nearly "dies" but another John finds her and they have a heart to heart before Terezi decides it's time go home.

WOOOOOW, you think, Terezi is FINALLY LEARNING TO LOVE HERSELF?!¬?!?!?! an interaction with a HEALTHY PERSON?!?!?!

Then John dies. Then Terezi hates Earth C so much and is so isolated from everybody she knows that she doesn't hesitate to join the villain in space. And it's implied Vriska texts her but she never reads those messages insofar as the canon material ends.

Overall, a rather anticlimactic story about a character whose arc is constantly recycled, not allowed to be given closure at any stage, falling into the same tragedy pit. It's like an art form of cockblocking.

So, why is Terezi as cherished as she is? How come even in the face of the ending, the epilogue, where it feels like Terezi has just been going round in circles, she is probably one of the most loved characters in homestuck?

There's a few factors:

Humor - Being able to make your audience laugh in a genuine way will put you in their favour. Terezi's dark humor, which works in tandem with her general naivete, has always been delightful.

Relevance - The part where Terezi's popularity might have actually struggled would be during Meteorstuck where she was pushed on the sidelines. Every moment she's been around after GAME OVER, however, she's been one of the most active character pushing the plot and generating excitement for whatever thing she's going to do next, even if it does become a loop. Killing John>Killing Vriska>Killing Gamzee>Retconquest>Remem8er>Finding Vriska>Finding John>Leaving with Dirk to save John>??? - she's always on some sort of mission which means if you're thinking about the plot then you might be thinking about something that ties into her storyline.

But most importantly, Authenticity - Terezi's dialogue is actually very well-written, in that she's one of the least wordy characters, but she gets exactly what she's feeling across whenever she talks about it. If you look at all the conversations she's had with Vriska or John or even Dave then you can tell Terezi feels very strongly about whatever she's feeling, and is either trying to disguise that feeling or is trying to put it to words she's struggling to find. Yet even when Terezi can't describe what she's feeling, the audience knows, because her condensed dialogue is expressive enough for us to be able to tell. It also helps that Terezi is one of the most invested in the other cast members, being - if not more righteous - then more analytical of her friends, taking in why they behave the way they do. It doesn't matter that arc-wise she goes in circles, because you can tell exactly how it keeps happening.

I feel like if Terezi didn't have that factor, if there wasn't so much weight to her emotional presentation and if the audience wasn't able to "feel" for her, then she would probably be significantly less popular. I guess that’s why many people feel it’s better for her to still be stuck in the “plot” of homestuck, to lack closure, because maybe closure would feel forced in this universe that’s taken so much from its kids? How can you “forget” what happened and just act like you never entered the game to begin with? Some of the other characters have this issue and it harms them deeply.

Let’s get into that!!!!!

Lord English and Calliope :

I feel so bad for Hussie. He clearly put a lot of thought into the relationship between Calliope and Caliborn, how their characters intertwine throughout this epic story. Yet despite them being the narrative fuel for the entirety of homestuck, and having an awesome thematic ending to their tales, it feels like the "cherub wars" part of homestuck never stuck its foot too deeply in the public consciousness.

Like, let's describe their narration: Two people born in the same body, one good, one evil. One is predestined to rule over the other.

In one universe the cherubs are left in their natural state. The Just cherub, Calliope, predominates... but because the universe is rigged, she is forced to be put into obscurity, residing for billions of years in a hidden dream bubble until the time is right. In another universe, there is intervention - Gamzee introduces the cherubs to humans, and they start to imitate their concepts and feelings. Because of this, Calliope becomes a softer being, engaging happily with the humans. She even wants to take mercy on her brother! But Caliborn takes on human ambition and grows determined to stop his sister from predominating, taking advantage of the human concept of “cheating” in order to beat her at their own game.

Caliborn defeats his sister, and is thrown into a session where he’s forced to overcome seemingly impossible challenges. He succeeds, and is given the ultimate power. Caliborn can will the universe to how he sees fit.

Caliborn’s given just desserts by getting trapped in the juju by the alpha kids but not before the monkey’s paw of trapping all the (alternate) beta kids for millenia, and in becoming trapped, he ends up becoming Lil Cal and Doc Scratch, who manipulate events so that he will rise again as an adult.

But the one thing that drives Caliborn more than anything is the desire to destroy his perfect sister - Calliope. A never ending thirst for her death. For predomination Caliborn never predominated normally so he never gets over it. This is part of why he’s so obsessed with showmanship and art too, to one-up her character. He circles the universe destroying all that is irrelevant, all that is obscure, in the hopes of demolishing all versions of his sister, having the primal fear that she will one day catch him out.

Our predominated calliope meets with the ghost of her alternate self, who tells her that her purpose as a softer human version is to just live her life. To be free. To appreciate all that humanity offers her. Whereas the Alternate Calliope’s role is to commit the ultimate sacrifice, to put an end to her brother’s ego. She absorbs the Green Itself into a catastrophic black hole that erases what is left of the universe.

You think that is the end, but Calliope is reborn in a new form, rewarded for her hard efforts, and becomes a full narrator for the story itself, protecting it from the evil of the Prince. She’s an active guide for the characters of Homestuck, wastching over them. She destroys her brother once and for all, absorping him inside herself.

Wasn’t all of that FUCKING AWESOME?!?!?!??! “Wow”, you think, “Calliope sounds so hardcore!!! I’m sure she’s an amazing character to have such a conclusive storyline like this!!”

Wrong, wrong, wrong. Literally nobody on the internet sees Calliope as their favourite character, except for maybe Past!Shelby Cragg who was her artist. And while Caliborn has his fans, nobody is a big fan of Lord English either. In fact most people tend to forget about the Lord English part of him because it’s just not that engaging!

Basing this on the above analysis about Terezi, what is lacking in terms of these characters?

Humor - Caliborn is a hilarious character, absolutetly no doubt about that. He’s so stupid and the way he sees the world is hilarious. It’s almost Terezi-ish even, except far more exaggerated in terms of his vulgarity and naivete, since he was locked in a fucking cage all his life. Caliborn makes us laugh pretty much every time we see him... but this character is lost entirely in Lord English, who does not wish to engage with the audience at all. Lord English is entirely a machine at this stage, just acting to destroy. As for CALLIOPE, she was never that great in the humor department. I’d be surprised if the original Callie knows what “jokes” are. Alt Calliope was also a stooge until the Epilogue where she trolls Dirk, and yes those parts are delightful and boost her in my eyes significantly, but in the core part of homestuck she is incredibly serious all the time.

Relevance - After reading me narrate the entire Cherub plot and how impactful it was on the entirety of homestuck you’d think I’m a fucking idiot for trying to argue that Calliope and Lord English are irrelevant, right? Well Too Bad!!! That’s exactly what I think. Doc Scratch was relevant to what was happening to our core cast of characters, manipulating them behind the scenes, taking advantage of them and fuelling their personal drama for his greater gain. This is why we love Doc Scratch so much and can even enjoy Ultimate Dirk for doing the same thing. Caliborn had a reduced impact on our main cast, but Lord English’s impact is pretty much nonexistent outside of the first time we see him in Caliborn: Enter. Once again, he’s literally only there to destroy the fucking universe, but when our main characters are either enjoying themselves in the new Alpha session or in Earth C, you have to ask why you or they should be interested in what LE is doing? Dave says so himself, that LE has not done anything wrong to him so he’s not hyped to go kill him. Calliope, meanwhile.... Her relevance is split in two, and neither is too substantial to what our main guys are doing.It “makes sense” as she’s such a passive character, but Calliope’s struggle with relevance doesn’t take me as impacting her too much, and I’ll get onto that in a second. Only one alpha kid ever thinks about her, she doesn’t think about anyone except herself, and while Jade has some kind of relationship with Alt!Callie, it isn’t a personal one by any means. Calliope’s impact on the emotional arcs of homestuck is so minimal that she was erased from the epilogues which she wrote herself. Even Calliope can’t think of anything to do with Calliope!!! How about that!!!

Oh, and of course, Authenticity - Caliborn feels like an authentic character because he deals with actual struggles. Caliborn finds it tremendously difficult to do things other characters might have an easy time with, like drawing, thinking in anything OTHER than straight lines... but he perseveres. Caliborn faces his impossible and brutal tasks head on to claim the Ultimate Reward. He’s fucking EARNED that ability to destroy everything in reality, and by god he’s let us know!!! This is why Caliborn is such a cherished character. Even though he’s evil as fuck, he feels like a real kid somehow. It goes without saying that although Doc Scratch has a different kind of authentic creepiness, Lord English has nothing on him that makes him feel real. He’s just a machine, as said before. CALLIOPE’s authenticity.... The alpha Calliope is a character who became “so nice” and so “perfect” that she ended up losing her fight against her evil brother just because she was that good a person as to let him get the better of her. Nothing that ever happens to her is her fault. She never gets in any conflicts with any character ever, except for that one time she yelled too loud in Candy but nobody told her off for it. Calliope is perfect at art, a fair enough writer. The closest thing to a “flaw” she’s ever had is getting so excited about her friends that she writes creepy fanfic about them, something that is parodied in Candy, which has been implied to be narrated (or at least retold) by Calliope herself in Meat. Simply put, Calliope is... a mary sue. A flawless character. There is absolutely no authenticity and no way to relate to her. Alt Calliope.... she’s a martyr? But why does she want to be a martyr? What does she care about the human characters? She’s even less authentic. It is badass to watch her tear down Dirk, and the story takes advantage of how unreadable she is by making her intimidating as fuck, an all knowing force to contest - no, overpower - that of Dirk or even Hussie himself. Alt Callie is more knowing in her fakeness, she has a better struggle as well what with having to escape from obscurity and overcome her brother, and therefore is a better character, at the end of the epilogues, than the original.

TL;DR: It’s not just about making interesting things happen to your characters. It’s making sure they have interesting reactions to what is going on. If your character becomes someone who things just “happen” to, and who does not respond to those things in an authentic way, then nobody is going to care for them no matter how important or existentially poetic their arc is.

#long post #homestuck #terezi pyrope #calliope #caliborn #doc scratch #lord english

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alicepink-me · 5 years

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Secrets Revealed

By: Alice Pink (Btw I was 14 when I wrote this, so not my best work)

Story Summary:

Chat Noir’s goal has always been to find out Ladybug’s true identity. Can one hint about Ladybug lead to the truth? Secrets will be revealed about the past as mysteries unfold. How will Marinette and Adrien react to everything?

Chapter 9: The Truth

Alya dashed up the stairs to Marinette's room and ran over to her friend who was sitting on the chaise.

"I have so much to tell you, but I still don't see why I had to come over here."

"I told you. It's easier to feel your excitement in person."

"Okay." Alya said giving Marinette a confused look. "Well . . . you made me come over here, so you better listen to my whole story before you freak out."

"What? When do I freak out in the middle of your stories? I'm perfectly relaxed."

"Yeah . . . your are so calm and collected." Alya chuckled. "So, what I asked you over the phone. Have you ever heard of it? The name kwami."

"I u-uh . . . n-no. I haven't heard of it." Marinette tried not to get nervous. She knew that Alya would notice.

"Well, a kwami is a sprite-like creature that helps someone with a miraculous, transform. They're amazing little creatures that are basically immortal."

"How do you know all of t-this?" Marinette said, starting to sweat.

"Well . . . I know all of this . . . because . . . I have a kwami!" Alya squealed. "I also have a miraculous too. Isn't this amazing?! I get to help save Paris."

"Wait. You have a miraculous?! But . . . how?!"

"I don't really know how. I just found a small box in my room with a necklace inside. When I opened the box, a kwami appeared and told me that I'm now a superheroine named Volpina."

"T-This is insane. Are you sure about being Volpina? That could have all been a dream." Marinette babbled.

"I'll prove it." Alya announced, unzipping her bag. A fox kwami floated up from the bag as she pulled out a necklace. "This is my kwami, Trixx. And this is my miraculous." Alya clipped the necklace around her neck and smiled.

Marinette's eyes should have fallen out of her head by now. She was astonished by what Alya had just showed her. Marinette slipped her phone out of her purse and started to text Adrien while Alya talked.

Marinette: We kind of have a problem. May or may not be good.

Adrien: What kind of problem.

Marinette: Alya has a kwami and a miraculous!

Adrien: Really?! She has a miraculous?

Marinette: She's Volpina! The real one at least. She came over to my house and told me everything, but I don't think she knows about us.

Adrien: We'll have to tell her the truth about us now. If she's going to be helping us protect Paris, then we shouldn't be keeping secrets from her. I'm coming over right now.

"What are you doing!" Alya shouted.

"U-Uh . . . texting Adrien."

"Adrien?" Alya glared. "And why are you texting Adrien?"

"Me and him are . . . dating . . . now." Marinette squeaked as she sank down into the chaise and hid behind her knees.

"Dating?! Marinette! Finally! It took you guys forever to get together." Alya screamed, hugging Marinette. "You should have told me sooner though. But at least now you guys can double date with me and Nino."

"U-Uh yeah. Why not?"

Marinette hadn't read Adrien's last text yet because she was questioned by Alya.

'I'm coming over right now. What?! No! He can't come over. Alya can't know yet.'

Marinette: No! Don't come over! Not yet! Not now! No!

Just as Marinette sent the text, Chat Noir fell through her trap door that led to her balcony.

"Aahh!" Marinette shouted in surprise.

"No way. Chat Noir?!" Alya said, in awe.

"Now Alya, I know everything must be confusing, but we had to lie to you before." Chat started as he walked over to Marinette and pulled her up from the chaise. "Me and Marinette know that the truth is surprising, but . . . " Marinette motioned for Chat Noir to stop, but he didn't notice and kept talking. "I hope that you can forgive us for not telling you that me and Marinette are Ladybug and Chat Noir."

Marinette hit her hand against her forehead in anger as Chat Noir released his transformation, revealing to Alya that he was actually Adrien.

The three kwamis joined together in the corner of the room as they watched and laughed at their chosen ones. Tikki and Plagg hadn't met Trixx before, but they were excited to. They hadn't met very many kwamis in their lifetime.

"I can't believe it! You two were Ladybug and Chat Noir the whole time?"

"Yeah." Chat said, confused. "I thought that Marinette would have told you the truth already by the time I got here."

Marinette looked towards Alya with an apologetic look. She was trying to think of ways to apologize.

"Look, I know that I didn't tell you before Alya, bu-"

"I understand, Marinette." Alya interrupted. "I can see why you didn't tell me. I mean, I do run the Ladyblog, which I'll be shutting down soon to protect your secret. I only told you about my new miraculous because I knew that I could trust you, but you probably thought that if you told me, then I would put it on the news or something."

"I'm just glad that we don't have to keep it a secret anymore." Adrien sighed. "But . . . can I tell Nino? I'd feel bad if we all kept secrets from him."

"I was going to tell him anyway." Alya started. "I was just going to tell you guys and Nino. I don't want to keep secrets from my friends since it causes trouble. I don't know how you two have lasted this long."

"You gave me a heart attack like fifty times with your Ladyblog." Marinette laughed. "Every time you mentioned something about Ladybug's identity, I thought you had found out that it was me."

"Now that I think about it, I was really stupid for not seeing it before. You guys are a little obvious." Alya laughed. "The only characteristic that's not obvious to figure out is your personalities. It's like you have two minds in each of your heads. That's probably why I didn't predict it to be you before."

"Yeah." Adrien smiled. "I get to say what I want whenever I want, so I definitely have a different personality as Chat Noir. I have freedom to be myself without judgment."

"That sounds amazing." Alya agreed. "But . . . you two liked each other this whole time . . . and aren't dating until now? Why?"

"Well . . . we didn't know each others identities before. Adrien had just found out that I was Ladybug. It's a long story, but basically I dropped a charm bracelet that Chat Noir gave me in front of Adrien and he connected the dots. And I only found out that he was Chat Noir two days ago."

"At least now you're finally together. Marinette has been obsessing over you ever since she met you." Alya snickered. "And now we get to double date."

"Oh a date." Adrien smiled, putting his arm around Marinette. "I'd like a double date. Any date is great with Marinette."

"And I do owe you a date." Marinette said, looking up at Adrien. "Since I kind of abandoned the last one."

"Last one?" Alya said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep. Me and her went on a date up on top of the Eiffel Tower with ice cream."

"Technically . . . " Marinette started. "You forced me to go on a date with you, but I did leave you to go see . . . you."

"What?" Alya said, confused.

"I told Chat Noir that I liked Adrien and I wanted to go see him, so Chat said I could leave the date to find him at the dance. I left but . . . I told him I'd go on another date with him."

"Oh. I guess that makes sense. How about we go on a double date tomorrow? We could see that new movie that Jagged Stone is starring in." Alya smiled.

"Uh . . . " Marinette looked at Adrien for an answer, but Adrien just smiled. "Fine. We'll go on a double date, but do you think that Nino will be okay with it."

"Of course he will be. He's my boyfriend. I'll text him right now." Alya said, looking at her phone. "Alright well . . . I have to get back home, so I'll see you guys tomorrow Ladybug and Chat Noir." Alya laughed as her kwami flew back into her bag.

Marinette and Adrien waved to Alya as she left through the trap door on Marinette's floor.

"I finally get to go on a real date with you." Adrien said, pulling Marinette closer. "We get to go on a date as ourselves and I didn't even have to force you to agree."

"Lucky me." Marinette chuckled. "Although, I'm pretty sure that Alya is forcing Nino."

"Yeah. Nino doesn't stand a chance." Adrien laughed. "I should probably get going now before my dad or his assistant realize that I've been "in the shower" for a really long time."

Adrien stepped back from Marinette. "Claws out!" Chat Noir smiled at her before climbing through her trap door and left.

Marinette slumped down on her chaise and buried her face in her pillow.

"My mind has melted, Tikki. After blowing up from earlier, it's now completely destroyed. And adding to the list we have . . . Alya knows mine and Adrien's secret, Alya's Volpina, and I'm going on a double date tomorrow."

Tikki flew over to Marinette and sat in her hands.

"Don't worry, Marinette. Tomorrow will be much better."

. . .

Marinette's day at school was boring as usual. Although, this time Chloe didn't bother her for once. Now she just had to go on that double date with Alya and Nino.

Marinette sat in a chair up on her balcony, looking at the spell book. She was waiting for Adrien or Chat Noir to come and get her.

Marinette looked up from the book to see Chat Noir drop in front of her.

"Are you ready to go My Lady?" Chat Noir said, bowing.

"Yep. Just looking at all of the spells."

"Did you learn any of them?"

"Yeah, watch." Marinette closed her eyes and put her hand out. "Die Blumen und die Sonne leben!" As Marinette chanted, a flower rose from a pot on the balcony. "Well, if I'm ever sad, I can grow a flower."

"Cool." Chat awed. "Do a spell on me." Chat pointed to the book, bouncing.

"Fine." Marinette flipped through the pages of the book and held her hand out again. "Der Wind weht durch deine Seele!"

"Wh-What d-did you d-do to me? I-I am fr-freezing!"

"I know." Marinette smiled. "You did tell me to cast a spell on you, so I did."

Chat glared at Marinette. "U-Undo it!"

"Ugh fine. Rückgängig alte Wünsche!"

"Thank you." Chat said with a sigh of relief. "You had to learn a spell that will make me freeze. Why is your heart so cold Marinette?"

Marinette rolled her eyes at Chat. "Wow more jokes. I should have froze you in ice."

"I have a better idea. Let's go on our date."

"Okay." Marinette said, quickly jumping through her trap door.

She set the spell book on her bed and transformed into Ladybug. She stepped through her trap door again and leaped off the edge of the building. Chat Noir followed her and they swung through the city to the movie theater. They both hid behind a bush and detransformed into their normal selves.

"Shall we?" Adrien said holding out his hand.

"Let's go." Marinette smiled, taking Adrien's hand.

They both saw Alya and Nino waiting for them outside the door and waved.

"Hey Guys." Adrien said, waving.

They all walked away from the door so no one could here them.

"I can't believe that you guys are superheroes." Nino said in amazement. "I would have never guessed. Adrien was texting me last night when he told me."

"Are you mad?" Marinette asked.

"No. It all makes sense now. That's why you two would always leave class instantly when something went wrong. I just thought that Marinette was following Adrien out because she has a crush on him."

"Did everyone know Marinette had a crush on me, but me?" Adrien questioned.

"Pretty much." Alya and Nino spoke at the same time, laughing.

"Well then I'm glad Marinette told me because I would have never guessed."

"I'm gonna try to keep secrets better next time." Marinette said, crossing her arms.

"Yeah, yeah. We're all clueless idiots. Now let's go see the movie." Alya said, pushing everyone through the door.

They all found the right room and sat in the first row. The movie was just starting as they sat down. At the start of the movie, Jagged Stone appeared on the screen, playing his guitar.

Adrien reached over and took Marinette's hand. She smiled back at him before they both stared at the huge TV screen.

. . .

"That movie was awful." Alya said, as they walked out of the theater. "Jagged Stone should stick to music."

"Yeah. He's a much better mus-"

Marinette was stopped by a sudden scream outside. They all ran to one of the theater windows and saw an akumatized villain terrorizing Paris.

"We have to go." Marinette finished.

Adrien and Alya nodded their heads in agreement as all four of the friends split up into the bathrooms.

Nino had followed Adrien and stared at him in amazement as he transformed into Chat Noir.

"That . . . is . . . amazing." Nino awed.

"I know." Adrien smiled.

Alya and Marinette called to their kwamis from the other bathroom and transformed.

"Wow. My first mission." Alya said, looking at her suit and tail.

"It's sort of like a mission. A mission to save Paris." Marinette started. "I never thought that me and you would be fighting crime together. Actually I never thought you'd ever find out . . . but . . . let's go save Paris."

They met up with Chat Noir as they exited the building. They listened for danger. All of the screams had stopped, as if the people couldn't speak. Paris had been silenced.

The villain floated over to the theater. She was an older lady with a black and white outfit and white hair. Her hair stood in a bun and she carried a big dictionary in her arms.

"Silencer, there's Ladybug and Chat Noir. Take their miraculouses now!" Hawk Moth shouted.

"You two! If you want to keep your voices, hand over your miraculouses!" Silencer screamed. "If you don't I'll take them and you can join the rest of Paris. They talk and talk forever and never stop, but now they will."

"Hey Silencpurr! Have you ever heard of headphones? They can be useful."

"Shut it, Chat Noir! Give me your miraculouses now! You and Ladybug and yo-! Wait! Who are you?"

"I'm Volpina." Alya smiled.

"Hawk Moth didn't say anything about you." She thought, aloud. "Oh well. I'll have to take all of your miraculouses."

"Chat Noir, Volpina!" Ladybug whispered to her partners. "She looks like that librarian at the city's library. And I think the akuma is in her book. She uses the book to capture everyone's voices and she never lets it go."

"Okay. Now let's see what I can do." Volpina said, running towards Silencer.

Volpina pulled out her flute and lunged at her. Silencer quickly opened her book and stole Volpina's voice in a matter of seconds. Volpina borrowed a piece of paper and a pencil from a bystander and wrote a message:

"Sorry. I'll follow you guys on this one."

Volpina gave them an apologetic smile as Ladybug and Chat Noir looked at each other.

"I guess it's up to us." Chat said, spinning his baton.

"She's too fast. If we try to attack her, she'll steal our voices before we can do anything." Ladybug said, watching Silencer.

"We need to slow her down."

"Lucky Charm!" Ladybug shouted, throwing her yo-yo into the air. "A top hat? What am I gonna do with this?" Ladybug looked from Volpina's flute, to Silencer, and then Chat Noir's hand. "I have an idea." Ladybug smiled. "Volpina, flute and Chat Noir, book." Ladybug whispered.

Volpina gave Ladybug a thumbs up and played her flute. She blasted the music towards Silencer and slowed her down. Volpina's power is to slow down or completely stop villains, but the stronger they are, the harder it is to stop them. Silencer was powerful and could only be slowed down.

Ladybug launched herself above Silencer and pulled the top hat down over her face so she couldn't see.

Chat Noir immediately shouted "Cataclysm!" and touched Silencer's dictionary.

The dictionary broke apart and the akuma flew out as Ladybug grabbed her yo-yo.

"No more evil doing for you little akuma." Ladybug dropped her yo-yo. "Time to deevilize!" She spun her yo-yo around in circles. "Gotcha. Bye-Bye little butterfly. Miraculous Ladybug!" Ladybug shouted.

The citizen's voices were restored back into their bodies and that cheered in happiness. They had realized that the duo had become a trio and that they had another hero to help protect Paris.

"Ah . . ." Alya sighed. "It's good to have my voice back."

"Citizens of Paris." Ladybug shouted from the top of a building. "Paris has a new superheroine named Volpina. The three of us will continue to protect you and all of Paris."

The citizens started to cheer again as Ladybug turned to her partners.

"We should get going." Chat said pointing to Ladybug's earrings. "Your earrings are blinking and so is my ring.

"Yeah. And your necklace is blinking, Volpina."

"Oh . . . yeah. Let's get going." Volpina said as she flew off of the building.

Ladybug and Chat Noir jumped off of the building and followed her to the corner of a nearby building. They all detransformed into their normal selves.

"I'm really sorry that I was stupid at the beginning of the attack." Alya said, apologetically.

"Don't worry about it Alya. I was worse. When I first became Ladybug I had tried to quit and give it to you instead . . . but I transformed again to save you . . . and Chat Noir cheered me up. So . . . luckily I'm still Ladybug. And you can't do worse than I did the first time."

"Wait! You tried to quit?! I almost lost my partner? My favorite person to see everyday!"

"Wait!" Alya cut in. "You tried to give up your miraculous to me?! Why would you even think you shouldn't be ladybug and why me?"

"Well . . . I thought that I was too clumsy to be Ladybug and you were so confident that I . . . was really stupid."

"No kidding. You can pretty unintelligent sometimes. Like giving up a miraculous." Alya laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." Marinette smiled. "I have to go home now. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Marinette waved bye to Alya and Adrien and walked back to the bakery.

#miraculous ladybug #MIRACULOUS: TALES OF LADYBUG AND CHAT NOIR #ladybug #chat noir #Adrien agreste #marinette dupain cheng #fanfiction #alicepink-me #alice pink #story #cute #romance #love

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golgoterror · 5 years

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Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake.

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet.

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again.

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat.

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat.

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again.

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to.

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing.

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid.

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really.

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all.

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.

#ooc.#headcanons.#about.#ableism tw #and i hate to do this but after the speech impediment post i must:#dont steal these headcanons.#(unless youre a jake rper then by all means thats fine!)#yes these arent exclusive to jake but this took a lot of time and effort #id appreciate it if youd all respect that #tia! <3

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rhabakoli · 5 years

Text

Infinite White - 8

The text Fenja translates is the letter Gandalf writes about Aragorn (i think to Frodo? not sure rn), per @finnickfoxes request. And since I am a true dumbass, I actually translated it myself, instead of just look it up. But I like my version better anyway.

Previous chapters here.

Trigger warning: space talk. Anyone disagreeing with me will be blocked.

Taglist:@dreamwritesimagines @i-am-always-famished @marauderskeeper @superwolfchild-fan @thescarsweleave @cgn-99 @alicedopey @alwaysadreamingoptimist @atlas-of-the-world @finnickfoxes @rmwest9 (i’m just gonna tag u now, scream if you don’t want to)

“So, how’s his family? Did they suspect anything?”, Maeve asked. They were carrying their trays to their usual table, finally catching up with each others lifes.

“They are nice. A bit touchy. His uncle asked me if I know UNO, and then he kinda… welcomed me to the family?”, Fenja answered and then shrugged.

“They have quite a low standard to meet. They’d love you.” Maeve gave her a sour look, kicking at her. “You’re lucky my hands are full.” Her friend just grinned cheekily and dodged her half-assed attack. The mensa was filled with chatter, the sounds of dishes clattering and the occasional discussion escalating. “And did they say anything about your breakdown?” Maeve sat across her, cracking open her coke and taking a sip. “No, I don’t think they know.” Fenja halted, then looked up at her roommate. “Well, I think his mom might know. But she didn’t say anything.” Mave nodded and took a bite from her lunch. “That’s good, isn’t it?” Fenja shrugged, gaze focused on her plate. “As long as I don’t have to explain it to everyone, I’m fine.” “I think your man will be glad to do it for you, if you asked.” Fenja carefully tasted her soup, trying not to burn her tongue. Then, as she processed the words, she raised an eyebrow at Maeve. “Who?” “Ragnar.” “Ah.” She smacked her lips together, blissed out expression on her face. “Goddamn, that soup is delicious.” Suddenly, her spoon came up, pointing across the table, almost threatening. “Also, he’s not ‘my man’, where even did you get that from?” “He’s not?” “Nah.” Maeve shrugged, then ogled the bread on Fenja’s tray. “Can I have some?”

The lecture hall was packed, every single seat taken. Some poor souls were even sitting on the stairs, eager to listen in and maybe find some validation, and inspiration - who are we kidding, mainly they just wanted to hear that it would be worth it all and it’d get better. Fenja was sitting all the way up, last row, glad to even have found a seat. Half the literature department was here, some journalism majors too. “I heard she’s only doing this, because her husband is a Ragnarsson. Otherwise she’d never have gotten the spot.” Fenja scoffed, as she pulled out pen and paper, ready to take notes. Unfortunately, her neighbours heard her and turned. “You have something to say, honey?” Her eyes grew round, she twisted in her seat and shook her head. “No, sorry, I just misheard. I thought you said she only got the lecture because her husband’s a Ragnasson.” “Well, I did.” The guy leaned his forearm onto the back of his seat, his body angled towards her, chest puffed like a bird ready to dance. His friend mirrored him, twirling her thick long hair around her finger, smirking. “Which doesn’t make sense, to be honest. She’s been holding lectures and seminars even before she’d met him, so implying she’d need the help of a rich man is not only wrong, but also degrading to her, her achievements and other authors and writers that have made it by themselves.” He wanted to throw another comment in, probably just as entitled and ignorant as his first, when Fenja raised a hand to stop him. “I’m not interested in fumbled comebacks dragged from your misogynistic fathers mouth, so, let’s leave it be, yes?” “Listen, bitch-” “You better think of a new beginning for that sentence, because I can promise you this is not going to end well for you. I know for a fact that the dean is quite the feminist, and he does not tolerate such behaviour at all. I’d pull my head out of my bum, if I were you, because your view on the world is growing a bit old, don’t you think?” He opened and closed his mouth, looked like a fish on the dry, skin flushing. His friend was looking on with big eyes, absolutely shocked anyone would talk to him like that. “You will regret this-” He finally found his voice, anger radiating off him. Fenja sighed. “Listen, you educationally handicapped amoeba. I am not going to regret this, even if it gets me into trouble. Because I know for a fact, while I will have to sit through a serious conversation on properly handling my anger, you’ll have to face an angry dean about the way you view women and I bet you’ll get to go to a couple very educating lectures, which I doubt you’ll get credit for.” They now had enough, they were storming off, the girl tutting over him, while he almost rammed into Ragnar, who took a step to the side and watched them go. “Hey.” He gestured over his shoulder, into the direction the two asshats were fleeing. “What was that?” Fenja shrugged and sat properly, facing forward. Some of the professors were gathered by the podium, talking. She tried to get a good view, but a rather tall professor was in the way. Wait. She knew that back from somewhere. Also, that manbun beat her in UNO just last week. Ragnar sat next to her, typing away on his phone, when she poked him violently. He really felt that, even through the fluffy sweater he wore. Gods, did she have pointy fingers. He hastily grabbed her wrist, holding it so she couldn’t attack him again. “What?” “Is that your Uncle?” He followed her line of sight, chuckling. “Yep.” “What’s he doing here?” “He’s teaching, princess. He’s specialized on Viking history and Nordic religions.” He laughed at her face. Her mouth stood open, eyebrows raised and her breath left her with a silent “oh.” “By the way. Auntie asked me to tell you, that she’s in town all week, and I am supposed to drag you to dinner, so you can meet her.” Now, that really got her attention. “What?” She pointed down to the podium, where a small, dainty woman assumed position and straightened her papers. “You mean that auntie? The amazing, famous author/Journalist?” “Yep.” He’d really get himself bitch-slapped one day, if he continued to play down such important, impactful events. Fenja flailed in her seat, almost falling out of it. “You can’t just - what, I -” Ragnar caught her arm, pulling her back up like it was nothing. “Calm down. How about dinner this friday. Whole family will be there.” “Is that supposed to help me? In any way?”, she asked, her tone suggesting how it definitely did not help. “Bear too.” He grinned at her, chuckling at the speed at which her expression - her whole demeanor, really - shifted. “Okay.”

Down at the podium, Gala cleared her throat and welcomed them, introduced herself and explained why she was holding his lecture. Ragnar knew all of this, he had only come up here to deliver his aunts message. But Fenja was so cute, all attentive, eager to soak up whatever knowledge his aunt decided to share. How she sat there, focused, scribbling down notes and questions for later. She did it on seperate sheets, organized and thought-out. He watched her profile, let his eyes roam over her figure, how she was wrapped into a hoodie at least two sizes too big, how she had a foot up on the seat, and an arm wrapped around her knee, leaning into it. How she ran the flat of her thumb’s nail over her lower lip, - left, right, left again - lips slightly parted. He licked his lips, swallowing and then promptly snapped himself out of it. Shaking his head over his creepy staring and suddenly, uh… not-friendly mood, he turned to watch Gala talk about the struggles of writing, writer’s block and solutions that helped in her experience. The lecture took about an hour, with a Q&A session added. Here too, Fenja listened closely, checking questions already answered and noting them down. Ragnar caught himself staring again. He always had felt the need to kinda protect her, keep her close, in his arms, but- oh boy. Oooooh. He leaned back against the chair, crossed his arms and stubbornly stared ahead, until his aunt excused them and everyone was leaving. He’d have to talk to someone about this. Crap. Someone help him. He must have made a sound, because Fenja looked over, concern on her face. “Is everything okay?” “Yeah, I’m good.”

** “Okay, so, I’ve got some examples I need you to translate, please.” Ingrid laid down papers in front of Fenja and sat. “We’re gonna implement this in the program, we need to get clear on pronunciation and grammar and stuff.” Fenja looked down at the paper, then back at Ingrid. “That’s your example?” “Yep.” This whole family, for real. “Uh, you’re not gonna get accurate, actually used German that way, right?” It’s from Lord Of The Rings. The hell. “It’s not about that, it’s just an example, a start. It’s about the words, not what it means in context.” She nodded, then held her hand out for a pen. “You want me to do it on paper?”” Now it was Ingrids turn to shrug. “However you’d like, doesn’t make a big difference.”

It didn’t take Fenja too long to translate it, even when using old German, plush and polished words, to keep the feeling of the original. She caught Ingrid’s attention, as she put her pen down and leaned back in her chair. They were seated in the Ragnarsson library, spread all over the place with school stuff, research, Fenja’s papers for her essays and Ingrid’s paperwork for the Linguae Populi. “You wanna read it?”, the girl asked, and promptly put her chin into her hands, abandoning her work. “Sure.” Fenja cleared her throat and took a deep breath. In a sure, but soft tone, she read aloud:

“Nicht alles das Gold, funkelt; Nicht alle die wandern, verloren; Alt und stark nicht verdunkelt; Wurzeln in Tiefe nicht erfroren; Feuer aus Asche entsteht, wie Licht entspringt dem Schatten; Soll zerbarste Klinge nun heilen, Krone wieder auf Königs Haupte weilen.”

Fenja felt slightly uncomfortable under Ingrid's attentive gaze; she raked her fingers through her hair and looked down at the paper. “It's probably not perfect, and certainly not even close to the original translation, but I tried.” The girl stopped her immediately, waving a hand through the air and shaking her head adamantly. “no I'm sure it's absolutely fine.” “Sounded fine to me.”, Came from the door. “Dad!” Ingrid uncurled her legs, bound over to her father like a puppy and dove into his arms for a big old hug. “I didn't know you'd be home today! I thought you had a work trip to Ontario?” Ivar stroked his daughter's head as he looked down at her. “I sent your Uncle instead. Gala has some business there, so he'd have gone there anyway.” Piercing blue eyes fixed Fenja ij her seat, while Ingrid took her fathers free arm and pulled him over. “You speak german?” Fenja nodded, intimidated and shy. “My family came over during the war, and they never let anyone lose touch to their roots. They expect you to be fluent in german.” Ingrid pulled the paper with the translation over and showed him. “That's from Lord of the rings. She's a nerd.” “Then you must like her, no? Two peas in a pod?” He grinned playfully, his calm exterior and the way he bantered with his kid, put her at ease. He wasn't bad, in any way. He was just so… tall, and broad, and had this very hard and cold aura, if he wanted to. They talked for a while. Ivar asked her more about her family, if they came before the war, or if they lived through the harsh times there. Fenja tried to answer, even taught him a couple of words and phrases when he asked for it. Turns out, the big bad Ivar Ragnarsson was a very curious and eager-to-please puppy dog. Now it was obvious, where this part of Ragnar came from. Those two were so much alike.

Ragnar was minding his own business, concentrating on his work, as a body fell into the spot next to his and a phone was shoved into his face. “LOOK AT THIS!” He did. “What am I looking at?” Fenja grinned, eyes alight with excitement, her whole body vibrating with restless energy. “That's a photograph of a black hole!” She sounded so proud, you'd think she made it. Without having to prompt her, she started into an extended rant, explaining how and when, how big it was (very), and how she really wanted to go visit it (so damn much), and how it looked like Sauron’s eye (It really did, wow), and ‘what if there is some kind of alternate universe where hobbits exist and the black hole is actually a way to go there, or to look into other universes?!’ “You want to visit a black hole.” “Yep.” “You think it’s a way to an alternate Hobbit universe?” “Yep.” Ragnars eyes were skipping over her face, taking in the scrunched nose as she smiled, the tousled hair from her run over, the healthy color of her face, the twinkle in her eyes. She was so cute, this excited. So open, so warm. It was a glimpse of how she could have been, if her parents had survived; she'd be way less inclined to shut others out. He also noticed how close she was. Her arm was wrapped around his biceps, her front pressed into his side as she leaned against him, essentially hugging his arm, while she was still holding the phone up, her elbow on the desk in front of him, his forearm trapped under hers. “You’re crazy.”, he shook his head. “That’s my best personality trait, that are you talking about?” “But I’m coming with you. No way you’re gonna survive there. Either you’ll eat yourself to death, or you set one foot there and collide with some monster.” “It’s settled then.” She let go of his arm, laid her own arms and head on the table, face towards him. “Now the only things left are contact with aliens and society’s realization regarding Pluto’s wrong degradation from planet status.” Ragnar knew better than to dive into that discussion. She was very passionate about space. Instead, he plucked a hair hanging from her lashes. “But what if there are no aliens?” Okay, he was weak. Don’t judge. Fenja groaned, but didn’t move much. “People who honestly believe that we are the only ones out there, are either very stupid, ignorant, or just plain scared. I can respect scared cucumbers, because that means on some level at least they agree that we can’t be alone, that’s just not logical.”

They fell into a comfortable pattern, Fenja ranting, Ragnar working. Sometimes it was the other way around, sometimes it was almost completely silent between the two of them. It was like a bubble, a safe haven on campus. Other students usually tended to avoid the two of them, because rants could happen just about any time, and those two got really passionate, including flailing arms and sometimes even thrown pens. So, their table was a corner-table, but other than them, there were no others in close vicinity.

No one wanted to be part of… whatever they had.

Part 9

#Infinite White #IW #foh #faint of heart AU #slow burn #Ivars kids #vikings

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