#102 questions better be enough

[imsadstuff]

50 days to fall in love - A Jeon Jungkook fic

Synopsis: A New Variety Show, 50 days to fall in love reality show follows different couples around for 50 days. The six couples are set up with eachother based on a scientific compatibility test, the test assumes that 50 days is the perfect time to fall in love with someone. Let’s watch as these young people navigate through life and love. Word Count: 12k+ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook and reader Genre: fluff (tooth-rotting fluff), some very light angst and slice of life Authors note: I've been obsessed with Asian dating shows, so I wrote a fic about them because that's the way my brain works. please don't be a ghost reader!

Episode 1

“Hello, I’m Jeon Jungkook” Jungkook greets the camera cheerfully taking a seat.

“Can you briefly introduce yourself?” the interviewer asks and Jungkook companies sitting straight in his seat.

“I’m Jeon Jungkook, 27 years old. Many of you may remember me as a child actor in multiple movies and tv shows. I don’t act as much anymore, I set up a production house with my friend so I’m more of a director now” Jungkook says looking off-camera.

“What about hobbies?” “I have a bunch of them, I do boxing, I’ve been very into motorbikes lately, videography used to be a hobby, now it’s my job, also food, I love food,” Jungkook says with all seriousness making even the production crew laugh.

“What would you describe as your ideal type?” Jungkook thinks for a good few minutes before answering this.

“Someone considerate and worth sharing my life with, I like someone who’s passionate about something, it doesn’t have to be work but I relate better with people who have this fire within them. I like the tsundere type, to be honest, someone who’s cold to others but warm with me” the last part makes Jungkook giggles at the last part.

“This is the compatibility test, 102 range-based questions, please answer them diligently” Jungkook’s a little too shocked when he’s handed the booklet. “102 questions? Can I get a 100% match?” he asks curiously going through the questions.

“Hello I’m ___” you say to the camera sitting down.

“Can you introduce yourself a little bit?” “Sure, I’m ___, 26 years old. I recently moved back to Seoul to be closer to my family.” you smile a little as you say that.

“I moved to New York for university when I was 18 and left New York at 25 as a Stock Analyst. I currently run a hedge fund with my father, my job is pretty much what defines me right now” you confess a little mortified about it.

“What about hobbies?” “I've been trying to cultivate new hobbies, I play tennis like once a month, I’ve been doing pottery for a few years now, I’m pretty good at it and, um, I collect expensive whiskey” you laugh as you say the last part.

“What kind of men do you date?” this question is a thinker, “I’d say boring” this honest answer makes the producer laugh too much. “It’s not really a negative thing, I’ve dated men from my industry and people in finance can be very boring. All the blame doesn’t have to be on them because I’m pretty boring too, in the past I’ve never really put effort into my relationships because work has been my only focus” you answer confidently sitting straight in the chair.

“Are you ready to put effort into your romantic relationships?” “Yes, it’s not that I have a problem being by myself, but it would be nice to have someone who helps you get through the day. Plus, I’m kinda the boss right now, so my workload is much more relaxed” the last part makes you laugh a little too much.

Your hands are a little clammy as you walk up to the restaurant, first dates are nerve-wracking enough, a first date with cameras just makes you more nervous. Jungkook arrived ten minutes before you, he can see you walking up to the table from the corner of his eye. Rubbing his hands against his jeans one last time, he stands up and greets you politely.

“Did I keep you waiting?” you ask the very handsome man in front of you. “No, I arrived early, my father says on time is late,” Jungkook says nervously sipping on his water.

“I like punctual guys,” you say and Jungkook smiles widely, feeling much better about this.

“Good for us I guess,” he says reading the menu to distract himself. “Do you drink? This place makes amazing cocktails” Jungkook says trying to get a read on you.

“Of course, I drink, I think I’m going to get an old-fashioned, there are very few places in Seoul that do a good old-fashioned” you can’t stop your nervous rambling at all.

“You must’ve lived abroad,” Jungkook asks closing the menu, he knew what he was going to order even before he got here.

“Oh yeah, shit, we didn’t really introduce ourselves,” you say and Jungkook can’t help but giggle at your nervousness.

“I’m ___, 26, I work in finance,” you say more interested in hearing what he has to say.

“I’m Jeon Jungkook, 27, and I’m a director” Jungkook’s waiting for you to recognize him but that hasn’t happened yet.

“A director, that sounds interesting, what kind of projects do you work on?” you ask seeing the server approach the table.

“I’ll have an old-fashioned with Ribeye, medium rare with a side salad, can we do french fries for the table?” you ask looking up at Jungkook and he takes a second to shake his head yes. Jungkook isn’t as confident as you were while ordering his food, he’s still awed by it. 

“Are you okay with walking, those heels seem kinda high?” Jungkook asks a little too concerned as you walk out of the steak house with him.

“Just make sure I don’t trip and hurt myself” you joke, feeling much more confident around him.

“Aye Aye captain” he jokes along too as you both walk down the pavement, walking towards the Han river.

“I was supposed to go to NYU too but couldn’t because of a project” Jungkook shares following up on your question about college earlier.

“That’s too bad, college degrees are going to be obsolete anyway,” you say honestly and Jungkook does the same thing he's been doing all night, looking away from you for a second with the biggest smile on his face.

“I haven’t been on a blind date in years” you confess stumbling a little and he catches you right away, his hand lingering around your waist for just a second.

“This is my first blind date,” he says and you turn to face him, shocked and outraged.

“With the way you look and how charming you are?” you say standing still and he does so too, with the river beside you.

“Good to know you think I’m hot and charming, but a blind date just never happened for me” “Glad to be your first,” you ask turning around and walking ahead of him again.

It’s around 2 am when the cab stops outside your apartment complex. Jungkook was supposed to be tired by now, but he was somehow more excited.

“So, will I be seeing you again?” you ask him as he leans on the cab. “Will I be seeing you again?” Jungkook turns the question around on you and you nod confidently.

“I’ll need your number then” he had been thinking about a moment to ask for your number all night, and now was perfect than ever.

“What should we do next? Definitely, something that doesn’t require you to wear heels” Jungkook helps you from stumbling over again, his hand feels hot even though he’s not touching you.

“It’s not me, it’s these messed up pavements, I can run in these” you defend yourself pushing some of your hair away.

“How about rock, paper and scissors to decide what we do next?” you suggest and Jungkook has to restrain himself, you’re perfect, a little too perfect for him. He loses immediately pulling a paper while you pull a scissor.

 

Comments:

Lola: Jeon Jungkook in a dating show might heal the world

SaggitariusQween: Jungkook’s already fallen in love, he doesn’t need the 30 days

Zzzzz: Get in line Jungkook, I too have a crush on ___

Yesto: their chemistry is off the charts

Episode 2

“What? Are you doing this show for real?” Namjoon asks Jungkook noticing all the cameras in his apartment.

“Of course I am, I can’t keep third-wheeling Aera and you for the rest of my life,” Jungkook says applying some moisturizer on his face.

“Which date is this? What’s she like?” Namjoon asks sipping on his coffee and lounging on the sofa.

“Second and she’s so cool, she’s outgoing and funny and just so confident,” Jungkook says walking into the living room while applying some lip balm.

“The strangest part of the date was she didn’t recognise me, or she did and she was too polite to mention that,” Jungkook says going through the stack of paperwork Namjoon brought.

“Isn’t that kinda great tho, she isn’t interested in you because you’re Jeon Jungkook, she’s interested in you just because”

Namjoon's words are ringing in his head as he drives to the location you texted him, it’s a pottery studio. Jungkook opens the door with his hip while holding onto the coffee he picked up on his way.

He catches you inspecting a plate when he startles you with a gentle tap on your shoulder. “Good morning!” you greet him excitedly forgetting about the ceramic plate.

“Morning, I got us coffee, did you have something to eat?” he asks handing you your warm latte, he remembered your coffee order.

“I did have a granola bar on my way here, you want one?” you ask getting a bar from your handbag and Jungkook chuckles taking it happily. 

“It is frustrating how bad I am at this” Jungkook whines for the millionth time struggling with clay.

“You need to be gentle Jungkook” “I am being gentle ___” “No you aren’t, take a deep breath, be softer,” you say as your hands come around him and he immediately goes gentle.

A glass-like structure forms around within seconds and Jungkook looks up at you while you’re laser-focused on the pottery.

“How are you so good at this?” Jungkook asks as you’re both washing your hands,

“My mom taught me, she used to make handmade pottery” you say as Jungkook wipes his hand.

“You’re amazing at it, can we switch the stuff we made because I really want this bowl-plate thing you made,” he says handing you a fresh napkin.

“Sure, what colour do you want it to be,” you ask wiping the streaks of clay off your arms.

“What colour do you like” Jungkook asks getting another towel.

“A sage green, might look cute, might look like shit,” you say and Jungkook points to something on your face.

“Is it clay?” you ask still missing a spot. Jungkook reaches for your cheek, swiping the mark away, a simple touch sending shock waves through your body. 

“So, after our first date like any normal person, I looked you up on Instagram,” you say and Jungkook sits up straight, sensing what’s coming.

“And I knew your name was familiar but I hadn’t joined the dots yet, why didn’t you tell me that you’re super famous,” you say looking up at Jungkook sitting across from you.

“It didn’t come up naturally, and I really didn’t want to rub you the wrong way by bringing it up” he answers cautiously fishing for the perfect piece of fried chicken.

“Is it a deal breaker?” he asks peaking a look at your face and to his surprise, you mouth a no.

“I was surprised in a good way, I’ve only dated guys whose jobs are similar to mine, that leads to similar lifestyles and hobbies, and two similar people dating are like two trains headed straight towards eachother, it is going to be a catastrophe” you take a beat to look at him and he has a neutral look on his face.

“We’ve led very different lives and we can learn from eachother, our lifestyles are very different so it will push each of us out of our comfort zone a few times, but it’s nice, it’ll keep us active. What do you think?” you turn the question around on him, laughing to help with the awkwardness.

“I completely agree with the similar people being a trainwreck waiting to happen, but the life philosophies and principles do need to coincide to have a long and healthy relationship,” Jungkook says as you both completely abandon the lunch.

“I was a little worried about you not being into me and my job,” Jungkook says about what he’s been thinking about since the first date.

“You’re so smart and confident, you know what you want and don’t want and I was worried I was in the don’t want column,” Jungkook says sipping on his coke and you look at him with the biggest smile ever.

“It’s shocking how good you can read me and if you were in the don’t want column, I wouldn’t be here” 

“What do you have planned for the rest of the day?” you ask Jungkook as you’re walking to his car.

“I am meeting up with my tattoo artist to finish off a piece and then I have to go glass shopping,” Jungkook says adjusting his shirt.

“Glass like a prescription?” “Yeah my doctor wants me to wear glasses instead of lenses for a while, what do you have planned today” Jungkook knows you don’t work on Saturdays,

“nothing, might pick up some candy on my way back and watch a documentary” these plan don’t sound that bad to you, this is what you do on most your weekends.

“Wanna join me?” you agree immediately and the production sends off you with vlog cameras. Jungkook seems familiar with the tattoo parlour like he’s spent hours here.

“Do you have a tattoo?” Jungkook asks removing his shirt and revealing an arm full of tattoos, also a very lean torso.

“I do, but my parents don’t know” you whisper this, feeling the camera Jungkook mounted a few centimetres away.

“Where?” he whispers back with a sly smile. “Upper thigh” you whisper leaning closer to him.

“Oh” he shies away immediately looking away. “Do you want to get any more?” he asks as the tattoo artist starts with the tattoo.

“Maybe, I’m a little indecisive about the design and I feel like I’m going to regret them, do you regret any of these?” you ask taking a seat by him.

“Yes, but I’ve gaslit myself into believing they aren’t” Jungkook confesses with a giggle. 

“My eyebrow piercing did hurt, my lip one not so much” Jungkook tells trying to comfort you.

“Why did you remove them?” you ask as the person marks a point on your nose. On a whim, you’ve decided to get a nose piercing because why not.

“For a movie, I was bored of them anyway” Jungkook says as you wince seeing the pin ready.

“I’m just going to pierce it, might hurt like a prick but it’s only going to last a few seconds,” the technician tells you and you feel your heart sink, your pain tolerance is bad.

“It’s going to be fine, you don’t have to go through this” Jungkook says in order to reassure you.

“No, I should have bigger fears in life than needles hurting me,” you say clutching onto Jungkook’s hand tight as the technician pierces you. Jungkook can feel how much it hurt you because of the way you’re holding onto him.

Jungkook can’t take his eyes off you as he’s driving you back, “What?” you ask and he looks away smiling.

“You look hot” it just slips out, Jungkook doesn’t feel as embarrassed about it.

“I wasn’t hot before the piercing?” you tease and Jungkook gets defensive immediately.

“No, um, that’s not what-” “I’m messing with you,” you say laughing and patting his arm as he stops outside your apartment complex. Jungkook’s quiet as he opens the car door for you, he leaves all the cameras in the car but forgets that you both have your mic packs on you.

“I had so much fun today,” he tells you, leaning against his car. “I did too,” you say pushing some of his long hair away from his face. The both of you are barely recorded by the camera still rolling in Jungkook’s car. The camera almost doesn’t catch how close the two of you are standing.

“Let’s have many fun days like today” you suggest looking at him. The camera doesn’t catch Jungkook holding onto your hand, grazing your hand with his thumb. 

Comments:

Lola: I was hoping for a ghost moment and got it

SaggitariusQween: we support people maturely talking about what kind of relationships they want

Zzzzz: I agree Jungkook, ___ is hot

Yesto: the sexual tension is off the charts

Episode 3

“I just touched down in Incheon, I’m going to get a cab and sleep for a few hours” you talk to Jungkook over the phone, dragging your luggage.

“Alright, don’t get a cab, I’m waiting for you at arrivals” it’s hard not to spot Jungkook with a team of cameramen around him.

“I thought you were joking, I can’t believe you actually came” you skip a little as you walk closer to him still on call.

“I haven’t seen you all week, I was starting to forget you” Jungkook catches you off guard with the hug, but you lean on him for just a little while.

“I was just in and out of meetings for four days, I’m so sleep-deprived I’m starting to shake,” you tell Jungkook buckling in the car.

“Just sleep a little, your place is an hour and a half away” he didn’t drive to the airport either, he came here straight from set.

“No, I want to catch up with you. What did you do all week” you say as the driver changes lanes.

“I’ve been on set all week, the movie is in the last week of shooting” Jungkook’s a little sleepy himself, it’s 4 am, he’s supposed to be asleep right now.

Jungkook knocked himself out before you, you turn off the lights as gently as you can. Hoping the camera doesn’t catch you blushing like an idiot seeing him asleep. Somewhere along the way, after minutes of swinging and stirring awake in the car, you lean on him for the support, but also the warmth. 

Jungkook gives up after a few attempts to wake you up are futile. Removing his seat belt, he brings his arm around you and you get comfortable immediately, this new warmth is also what stirs you awake.

“You stayed up to come to pick me up and I immediately fell asleep,” you say moving a little away from him while his arm stays put.

“Don’t worry about it, I feel much better knowing you got some rest” Jungkook says yawning behind his hand.

“What are we doing later today?” you say bending down to get some water, Jungkook is about to move his arm when you lean back like before.

“Bowling and wine bar, are you tired, do you want me to change the plans?” he asks and you mumble a no, falling asleep again.

“No, I just need five hours of sleep and coffee” “Have a big lunch or you’re going to be shaking because of coffee again,” Jungkook says with a smile, recalling a text from you.

“Yes, what time is it?” you ask reaching for his hand, his hands feel a little heavy, maybe you’re just too tired. “I’ll see you in 12 hours”

Jungkook’s body still feels a little sore as he’s walking up to the bowling alley, he feels a lot less tired as he sees you shaking your head to the music.

“I thought about making bowling a little more fun, we make a bet,” you tell Jungkook the minute he sits down.

“Bet, sounds fun, do you have something on your mind” “I do actually, whoever wins gets to design a tattoo for the loser,” you say and Jungkook perks up all excited.

“___, let me remind you, getting a tattoo removed is very expensive and painful,” Jungkook says arrogantly as he picks up a ball. “Jungkook, let me remind you, I am very bad at drawing,” you say throwing the ball and the ball completely misses.

You eventually do end up catching up with Jungkook, barely because this is the last round and Jungkook is leading by 8 points.

“___ last chance for you to recall the bet and let me win” what you’ve realised today is just how competitive Jungkook is, it’s kinda hot.

“I’d rather watch you lose,” you tell him and he throws the ball, backing away in anticipation he jumps and shouts scoring a perfect strike.

“So, do I get to decide on the placement and size too?” Jungkook doesn’t feel tired at all right now, as he drapes an arm around your shoulder.

“I don’t like you a lot right now” “Does that mean you liked me a lot more before this” “That’s not what I said” you’re a little huffy as you pick up your handbag but Jungkook takes it from your hands immediately.

“That’s what I’m choosing to interpret ___”  he teases you a lot more as you walk to the wine bar, you don’t mind it, you like it, you feel the walls coming down. 

Jungkook doesn’t want to look at your phone as it lights up with notifications, but he can’t help but sneak a look when he sees a strange notification.

“Why are you on tinder?” he asks more with fascination and you look at him embarrassed.

“I forgot to delete my account” you are a little clumsy picking up your phone but he stops you with a gentle pat on your hand. "You don’t have to” “No but I want to” you open the app to the hottest man’s profile right there.

“Wow he’s hot, I’d swipe right on him”  Jungkook says scooting closer beside you.

“I wouldn’t, first his bio says here to make friends and the glasses don’t pass the vibe check,” you say and Jungkook looks at you horrified.

“Explain the glasses and vibe check thing ___” Jungkook says very seriously,

“A lot of serial killers wear these glasses, and I’ve seen a lot of crime documentaries, so it’s a no for me,” you say swiping right and another profile appears.

“Thank god he doesn’t have glasses,” Jungkook says sarcastically taking a big swig from his wine glass.

“Yes, he is actually kinda hot, a picture at the library, a picture with a dog, his hobbies include pottery, same as mine, I’d swipe right,” you say teasing him and Jungkook scowls turning off your phone for you.

“Good thing you don’t need to” you snicker as Jungkook avoids your eyes, red with a tinge of jealousy and wine. 

“Dogs are cute but you know what’s cuter?” Jungkook asks you, very clearly a little intoxicated.

“You?” you state dumbfoundedly, not as drunk as Jungkook. “You think I’m cute?” he asks struggling with the seatbelt, you nod helping him with it.

“Puppies are even cuter ___ and I’m picking one up from the shelter next week,” he says flopping his head back and hitting it.

“You’re a clumsy drunk,” you say placing his head on your shoulders. “I’m going to spoil that dog so much, we’re going to go on hikes, I’m going to be a fit dad” Jungkook rambles on, getting comfortable on your shoulder.

“Would you join me and my son for a hike ___?” Jungkook asks lifting his head up, but it immediately flops down.

“As I said on our first date, I’d rather die than go on a hike,” you say and Jungkook whines, very cutely.

“What if I asked cutely, will that change your mind about hikes?” you turn your face a little and realise just how close Jungkook’s lips are to yours.

“Maybe, but in return, I’d want you to help me move” “You’re moving?” Jungkook perks up again, hitting his head much harder again.

“Yes, but I want you to stop moving so that you don’t hurt yourself,” you say and Jungkook snuggles just a bit closer.

“So, when am I meeting your boyfriend?” Hara asks chewing on a slice of pizza. You’d known Hara for over a decade now, she was the closest thing you had to a sister, other than your sister.

“Jungkook’s not my boyfriend, we’ve only been on three dates,” you say picking out mushrooms from your slice of pizza.

“Three dates, how is the sex,” Hara asks in a teasing tone and you swat her arm, feeling a little conscious of all the cameras in your apartment.

“We haven’t had sex yet, we haven’t even kissed” you confess with a small voice, looking at the floor all embarrassed.

“Dating in Korea is very different than in the states, I’ve definitely kissed guys after the first date” you saw chewing on pizza while also packing up some stuff.

“Just kiss him if you want to, you don’t have to overthink it so much” Hara gets right to the point, that’s her style.

“You have so much fancy lingerie” Hara shouts from your closet.

“This is fancy stuff, how much did you spend on this?” she asks looking you dead in the eyes.

“I bought these my first year working, I’d just gotten a massive Christmas bonus and my boyfriend had dumped me, I wanted to buy “something for myself”, I’ve never actually worn them”

“Try 'em for me!” Hara doesn’t let you get in a word till you’re hiding in your bathroom, slipping into a babydoll sleeping set.

“It’s so sexy, sure uncomfortable to sleep in but sexy” Hara says as you peek open the door ever so slightly, making sure none of this is in the camera frame.

“Wear this and you’ll have Jungkook kissing you all over” Hara teases you and you take a moment to look at yourself in the mirror, it had been a while since you’d felt sexy. 

It was around 1 am when Jungkook called you, by this time Hara and you had stuffed yourself of pizza and soju, she was already knocked out in your bed.

“Why are you still awake?” Jungkook’s surprised that you picked up his call, you’re knocked out by now.

“Hara came over and we just talked about a lot of stuff and I couldn’t fall asleep” your voice booms in Jungkook’s car as he parks his car.

“Is everything alright?” “Yes, everything is more than fine, are you home?” “No, I’m downstairs” it doesn’t take you too long to spot Jungkook’s car, he always parks at the same place.

“Are cameras rolling in your car?” you whisper to Jungkook as he rolls down the car window.

“Yes” “Are you wearing a mic?” Jungkook finds your questions adorable as he says no. Jungkook gets out of the car and you’re sure none of you is on camera, you forgot about the camera in the backseat.

“Why are you so jumpy today?” Jungkook asks you and you rope your arms around him, coming on tiptoes to come face to face with him.

“I don’t know what the rules of dating are in Korea, and I really don’t want to scare you away because I really like you,” you say truthfully and Jungkook snakes his arms around your waist, you’re stumbling already.

“Rules about what?” he asks and you’re starting to regret bringing this up.

“About what the acceptable pace for a relationship is, about kissing, about sex” Jungkook wasn’t expecting this, it takes him a second to come up with an answer.

“___, um, you don’t have to worry about these rules, you just have to ask me and if we’re on the same page, then, um, we’ll go forward with it,” he says chuckling nervously and you lean even closer.

“Alright, um, cool-” you stop speaking when he pulls you even closer, his face centimetres away from yours. Jungkook feels oddly confident knowing you’re both on the same page, and he doesn’t let him think himself out of kissing you. He picks you up a little as you kiss him intensely, smiling against his lips. 

Comments:

Lola:OH MY GOD!!!!!!! THEY KISSED

SaggitariusQween: god, when is it my turn to be happy

Zzzzz: them trash talking to eachother is cute but you know what’s even cuter, THEM KISSING EACHOTHER

Yesto: I don’t know if I want to be Jungkook or ___

Ester: their chemistry is seriously something else

Wallu: here because I saw a clip of the show on Twitter and now I’m HOOKED

Episode 4: 

Your morning is not off to the greatest start. First, it was moving day, you hate moving. Second, your dad showed up, bright and early, because a dad can always help with moving, his words not yours. Thirdly, your mom showed up, because she wanted to spend quality time. Fourthly, Jungkook was on his way and wasn’t picking up your calls.

To summarise, your divorced parents do not get along are over at your apartment and, Jungkook’s going to meet them like this for the first time.

The bell rings and you rush to open the door before your mother can, “Good morning!” Jungkook’s a little too cheerful as he pulls you by the waist, ready to plaster a big kiss when you move your head away.

“My parents showed up because why not, they’ve already fought twice about things that went wrong on their wedding day, it’s kinda intense and I want you to-”

“___, are you not going to introduce us to your new friend” your mother surprises you, Jungkook still holding onto you, till he process and drops his arm around you immediately.

“Hello,” Jungkook says politely bowing a complete ninety degrees and your fathers yells in the background about how your mother had packed something wrong. Jungkook was not ready to meet the parents, but he was more unsettled by how anxious you looked.

“Dad, I really don’t think there’s a correct way to stack boxes” you’re trying really hard not to snap at anybody right now.

“Hey, how about you and your mother drive up to the apartment with the small stuff and your father and I’ll ride there with the truck” Jungkook suggest handing you his car keys.

“You don’t need to do that, he will ask you some questions you won’t want to answer” you whisper to him but Jungkook hands you his handbag and a few other stuff. “I’ll be fine” 

Jungkook wasn’t fine, he was very close to shitting his pants. Your father is a tall, quiet man, Jungkook wants him to like him so much but at the same time, he’s terrified of him.

“You look young, how does one become a director this early?” your father asks Jungkook who’s sandwiched between the driver and your father.

“Well, I’ve been working in the industry since I was 12, so I had a lot of connections in the industry,” Jungkook says and the driver gasps recognizing him.

“Oh my god, you’re the kid from Memories” the driver lights up with excitement.

“___  works hard, she not going to give up her career for marriage or kids” this question takes Jungkook by surprise.

“We haven’t discussed this, but I’m not expecting her to” “Most men don’t feel confident about ___’s success, are you intimidated by her success” Jungkook’s starting to realise what you didn’t want him to spend one on one time with your father.

“I feel intimidated by ___, not because of her career or success but because she’s confident and I’m not” Jungkook hadn’t really vocalized his feeling about you to anyone yet, it’s insane to think that he’s talking to your father about it.

“Are you confident about ___?” it is too early for Jungkook to know that, it’s barely been a month since your first date. That’s been his issue in the past, not being able to match his partner's pace and keeping them waiting till he figures out his feeling. 

“Mom, I need you to stop bothering dad and just let him build this dresser, don’t you have pilates right now” it’s been a long day of mediating between your parents, and you feel guilty for wanting them out of your house.

“And did you don’t need to help me with this stuff, I can do it, Jungkook will help me with it” “___ don’t build furniture with a man, it means that you’ll share it with him someday” your mother interjects and Jungkook quietly listens to it all as he arranges your kitchen.

“What is so wrong with it mom, Jungkook’s a kind guy I don’t mind the thought of sharing furniture with him,” you say with defeat,

“___ he’s famous, famous people are shallow, he’s too handsome, handsome guys cheat,” she says looking straight at your father.

“It’s been fifteen years, when will you get over it” your father sighs putting away his tools.

“You both are very difficult to love” you mutter to yourself, walking out of your room and watching Jungkook diligently wipe your crockery, you don’t deserve him.

“Just go home, today has been a disaster,” you tell Jungkook taking the napkin from his hands.

“So, I was thinking because pizza for dinner, are your parents, going to stay,” Jungkook says scrolling on his phone and you tug on his arm to get his attention.

“Why are you still here? Aren’t you uncomfortable?” you ask and Jungkook cracks a smile before answering you.

“I am ___, it’s way too early to meet parents but I don’t care because I like you,” Jungkook says earnestly and you look at him awed. You were expecting him to ghost you after today,

“You do?” you ask coming between him and the counter. “I do, do you?” Jungkook asks you, very nervous about your answer. “I do like you,” you say looking Jungkook right in the eyes, you feel sure about this. “You do?” Jungkook asks you again, you peck his lips softly before answering him. “I do and so do you” Jungkook has stars in his eyes when you pull back, “I do,” he says kissing you again.

“You guys getting married or something, what’s with the I do’s?” the magical moment is broken by your mother and Jungkook doesn’t push you away this time. 

“I haven’t been in front of the camera in a while, I mean I have for the show, but not for photoshoots,” Jungkook says anxiously as they’re setting up for another set of pictures.

Jungkook’s being featured by Forbes for being an entrepreneur thirty under thirty. He didn’t expect his production company to take off, he expected it to be a blip in his career before he gave up and went back to acting.

But one of the films he directed is up for a few oscar awards and he can’t believe it. “Have you been liking filming the show?” the interviewer asks him between shots.

“It’s definitely pushing my comfort zone, but it’s been fun so far,” he says as the stylist sets his hair before the last few shots.

“So, I just texted him asking him his plans and true Jungkook fashion, he hasn’t checked my texts yet,” you tell the cameraman finding Jungkook’s green room.

“Is he bad at replying to texts?” the cameraman asks and you nod furiously.

“It’s because his phone is on silent when he’s on set, he usually calls and gives me individual answers to all my texts” you’re a little giddy talking about him. The cameramen leave the camera’s behind as they’re notified that Jungkook’s arriving soon. You’re all by yourself, thinking and rethinking the last month.

“___?” Jungkook’s a little confused by the dim lights and candles in the room.

“I wanted to surprise you before you left for Japan, you have to leave in four hours right?” you ask standing up and checking your watch.

“Yes, DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR?” you shout frightening him a little.

“Yes, I wanted to look presentable for the photo shoot,” he says as you run your fingers through his hair.

“It was presentable before, you looked so romantic” Jungkook can’t help but notice how pouty you are about the hair change.

“Do I not look good anymore?” Jungkook asks taking a look at the spread of food, a lot of it looks homemade.

“You look all hot and sexy but not romantic, it’s like a triangle of what you can achieve with a haircut, it can either be sexy and romantic, romantic and hot, hot and sexy, but not the three of them together” Jungkook loves when you say the most ridiculous things so seriously.

“So, the gist of all that is you think I’m hot and sexy,” he says with a teasing tone, pulling you closer with one swift move.

“The food’s getting cold, you need to eat” you feel nervous and Jungkook looks at you all smugly.   

Jungkook and you had been super busy all week, but to make up for it Jungkook had made big plans for the night. It would be your first month since your first date, it would also be the day he officially asks you to be his girlfriend. Instead, he was sitting by himself in the omakase restaurant you really wanted to try out. You pick up Jungkook’s fifth call, you had been knee-deep in documents for the last two weeks.

“Hey, where are you? Are you stuck in traffic?” Jungkook asks walking away from the camera.

“We had plans tonight? I totally forgot” those words leave your mouth and break his heart a little.

“You forgot?” he asks with a small voice, moving even farther away from the camera.

Comments:

Lola: is this their first fight or are they breaking up

SaggitariusQween: ___ is so right about the triangle of haircuts

Zzzzz: do we know if ___’s dad is single

Yesto: This started out so well and ended so bad

Ester: HOW DOES ONE FORGET A DATE WITH JEON JUNGKOOK

Wallu: I can’t believe I have to wait till next week

Dontlook: ___’s mom is an absolute diva and I’m a fan!!!

Episode 5:

“You forgot?” Jungkook asks you as you leave the conference room.

“I’ve been in and out of meetings with my lawyers, I’ve been accused of insider trading” you whisper the last part even tho the office is mostly empty.

“Are you alright? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Did you have dinner?” you’re floored by the fact that Jungkook wants to take care of you even tho you stood him up.

“It’s just been overwhelming and I’m so fucking scared” you’ve been acting tough all day but it all is starting to get to you.

“I am so so sorry for standing you up Jungkook, I promised myself I wouldn’t let my job ruin my relationships but here we are” you close the door to your office and lay on the floor.

“___ this is a problem that’s out of your control, you don’t need to be sorry” Jungkook reassures you going back to the table and picking up his keys and jacket. He keeps you on the phone all the while he’s driving to your office.

You’re sitting on a bench outside your office building, the streets are dark and empty.

“I’m so sorry for today, I can’t believe I forgot” you apologise again as Jungkook walks out of his car.

“Hey- did you get fired?” Jungkook asks referring to the box filled with stuff beside you.

“No, I’m taking a leave of absence for a month while the internal investigation completes” you stand up defeated and put your stuff in his backseat. Not wanting to have this conversation on camera, you pull him, as away as you can.

“I’m so scared” you finally let your guard downs a few tears expecting your eyes immediately.

“What if they find the allegations to be true, what if I end up in jail” you ask and the cameraman zooms into the both of you.

“None of that is going to happen” Jungkook tries to reassure you but nothing is helping you right now. Leaning your head on his shoulder, you can feel the fear seize you.

“You’re the best boyfriend, running to me even when I let you down” the words come out of your mouth without much thinking and you both realise what you just did.

“I mean, we haven’t talked about our labels, but if your first thought after I stand you up is to make sure that I’m okay, you’re an amazing caring guy and you deserve someone better than me, someone, who never forgets-” Jungkook shuts you up with a deep kiss, the amount of feelings he has for you scare him, but he’d rather be hurt than not give you his hundred per cent. 

Jungkook and you spend the rest of the weekend off-camera, you’re starting to feel a little better between all the calls with your lawyer and Jungkook doing everything in hopes to make you feel better. You’d been staying at Jungkook’s place this weekend, it was all very pg 13.

“Jungkook parents and my parents, if you’re seeing this, first off don’t and secondly, it was a very g-rated sleepover” you talk to the camera as you make breakfast for the both of you. You were too busy cutting fruit when Jungkook surprises you by snaking his hands around your waist.

“You’re making me breakfast, I have the best girlfriend in the world,” he says with his hoarse voice, snuggling into your neck.

“When did you wake up?” he asks still hugging you as you plate the fruit.

“A few production members were here to set up these cameras, now your parents are probably going to see this,” you say pointing to the cameras.

“Hello mom, I have a great girlfriend don’t I?” Jungkook plays along, helping you get everything to the dining table.

“So, what are your plans for today?” you ask him as he munches on the egg sandwich.

“I have a few work meetings and I have to be done reading a few scripts, what are you up to?” Jungkook asks watching you sip on your coffee.

“Hara is going to take me on a girl's day to help make me feel better, we’ll go window shopping, try on clothes we’re never going to buy and go day drinking” you try and sound a little excited about today, first Monday without work.

“So, I have a crazy plan. I’m going to LA for a week tomorrow for some work commitments, how about you come along?” Jungkook suggests, picking out all the apples from your bowl of fruits, he knows you aren’t a fan of apples.

“Really? I don’t want to bother you during work” you say and he furiously shakes his head.

“The work is a few parties and galas, I’ll have so much more fun with you there”

“I don’t have fancy Hollywood clothes, you should go by yourself” you try and push him away a little, wanting to wallow in your misery for a while.

“Here, I know you are more than capable of buying stuff for yourself but I want to spoil you.” Jungkook hands you his black card like it’s nothing. 

“You need something low cut ___, show off those amazing pair of-”

“Can you be a little less crass and give me that dress,” you say opening the changing room curtains and taking the low cut dress from Hara’s hands. There will be four total events you’ll attend with Jungkook, so you need four outfits with two alternates. Hara is great at shopping so you get the outfits done in no time. Next up is heels.

“I just need one comfortable pair of heels that’ll go with all the outfits,” you tell Hara as she sits you down ready to make you try a thousand shoes.

“No, absolutely not, when your boyfriend hands you his credit card to spoil you, three pairs of heels are a minimum” Hara next brings you to a nail salon,

“I never have the time to get my nails done, these look cute” you show off your freshly painted nails as Hara drives you somewhere.

“Where are we going next, my place for wine and sushi?” you ask enthusiastically and Hara nods her head no.

“I didn’t know I needed a haircut,” you tell Hara as you walk into the salon. “Today is not about your needs, it’s about spoiling yourself” 

Jungkook and you weren’t expecting any of this press at the airport, you’re clutching onto his arm close as you make your way through.

“Are you alright?” he asks you as the flashes go off very frantically.

“I just wish I had put on some makeup if I knew there was going to be press” you joke as you go through security.

“You look absolutely stunning” Jungkook isn’t big on PDA but he really wants to hold your hand right now. It’s like you can read his mind as you lace your hands together while picking out some snacks.

“Let’s play the balance game” Jungkook suggests picking up the stack of cards production handed you earlier.

“Summer or winter” the both of you answer winter together, “Passenger or driver” Jungkook answers driver while you answer passenger, “That’s good to know,” Jungkook says picking up the next card.

“Plans or surprises” You both have different answers again, he goes for surprises while you go for plans,

“I can plan surprises for you then” you reassure him picking up the next card.

“Words or actions” this one is a thinker but you answer first, “actions because words can be empty sometimes” “I prefer actions too” the options keep getting harder, till you’re both stumped thinking about this one, “Passion or stability” “I don’t think I could choose either, passion is very important for a long term relationship,” Jungkook says and you nod in agreement. 

“We need to stay awake if we’re beating this jetlag” you shake Jungkook for the nth time on your drive to the hotel, it’s a bright morning but you’re both still on Seoul time.

“How about just a cat nap before we have to start getting ready for the event,” he says resting his head on your shoulder.

“Nope, we need to set the cycle right and go to sleep today at a reasonable time so that we can enjoy the rest of the trip,” you say and Jungkook groans snuggling closer to you.

“You can be a little annoying when you’re reasonable” Jungkook is very close to falling asleep, he loves the way your hair smells.

“That’s rude” it’s hard for you to be awake too, Jungkook’s a little too warm.

“I just said a little, the rest of the time you’re attractive, very very attractive” he smiles as you snuggle closer, very close to falling asleep. 

“Jungkook, wake up! It’s six pm already, WE FELL ASLEEP” you shake Jungkook awake and he sits up in bed all groggy.

“six pm, SIX PM!” he jumps out of the bed checking his phone.

“What time is the car arriving?” you ask taking out a million things from your suitcase.

“In forty minutes, you get ready here, I’ll get ready next door in my manager's room” Jungkook stumbles picking up today's suit and you rush into the restroom for a much-needed shower. Jungkook’s struggling with his tie when you emerge from the restroom, ready in twenty minutes.

“Do I look like an oscar nominated director's girlfriend?” you ask and Jungkook gasps at how beautiful you look.

“You definitely do, I can’t believe you’re my girlfriend. You’re so fucking beautiful” Jungkook has an awestruck look on his face, the same one he had on your first date.

“Let me help you with that,” you say taking the tie from his hands. Jungkook takes out his phone, taking a few pictures and videos.

“You’re very good at this, how many exes did you do this for?” he asks teasing you as you fix his collar.

“None, I went to a private school with uniforms that had actual ties,” you say as he takes a few more pictures. 

“I haven’t socialised in a while, I forgot how exhausting it is,” Jungkook says as you feed him some of your chicken.

“You guys are very adorable,” Jimin says from beside you, he’s an actor and you’d been talking his ear off all evening because you don’t know anyone here.

“Aren’t we” Jungkook says pulling your chair closer to his. “I don’t want to be single either, do you have any single friends ___” Jimin says very seriously.

“I have a friend, she’s single but she’d eat you alive” “Hara?” Jungkook asks and you nod furiously sipping on your whiskey.

“I think they’re both the same kinda intense tho?” Jungkook suggests and you disagree, “He’s not her type tho, she likes men who hate themselves for some reason, Jimin is very sure about himself” there you go again saying the most ridiculous thing with all seriousness.

“So what, you’re not Jungkook’s type either, yet he’s sappy about you” Jimin says and you turn around to Jungkook with a quirked eyebrow.

“What is your type then Jeon Jungkook?” “She’s two tables away, she’s quintessential Jungkook type,” Jimin says before Jungkook can shut him up, not to your surprise she’s a tall, beautiful model.

“It was just a fling, I could never emotionally connect with her, but I can with you” he says kissing your cheek.

“I believe you,” you say caressing his thigh.

"So, about your friend Hara, when are you introducing us” 

“I’d marry these tacos” Jungkook says growing as he takes another big bite, it was the third event and the both of you escaped early to get some food.

“How do you know about this place?” he asks and you chew quickly,

“After my parents divorced, my dad moved to LA and my mother moved to Seoul, so I’d spend summers here”

“There’s so much I don’t know about you, tell me more” “I went to a boarding school for five years, my sister named her son after our pet fish because she lost a bet to me-” “Woah wait, hold up, what is your nephew’s name?” “Henry” “Why would you name your pet fish Henry?” Jungkook asks rolling up his sleeves.

“I had the biggest crush on this boy in my class, his name was Henry,” you say and Jungkook sighs cutely.

“What was the bet with your sister about?” “It’s too soon for you to know Jungkook, we’re trying to fall in love with eachother and that would just sully my image in your mind” you both laugh as you say that.

“Tell me something I don’t know about you,” you ask Jungkook as you’re both staring at the ocean.

“I had my first-ever kiss on camera, I’m a little claustrophobic, and other than for editing purposes, I’ve never actually sat down and watched any of the movies I’ve directed” you turn around to look at him,

“Why? They’re masterpieces, I cried for an hour after I got done watching Metropolitan” “Really, an hour? Also masterpieces?” “Yes, the movie so accurately portrayed the loneliness of living in a big city, that scene where she lays on her apartment floor crying by herself as the camera moves away showing an empty apartment, that hit a little close to my heart. I thought I’d never tell you this, but I decided to move closer to my parents because of that movie” a tear escapes Jungkook’s eye and you’re quick to wipe it away.

“You, um, wow, really, my movie touched you like that?” “Yes, and a million others too, you’re great at what you do. Do I need to remind you how gosh darn amazing you are” you try and cheer Jungkook up, poking his cheek. 

“My lady, can I have a dance with you?” You both had just gotten back from the last event of the week, a Forbes event. You both had a few too many drinks tonight, maybe that’s why he looks extra charming right now.

“Sure, my lord” you giggle playing along with him. The soft music sets the right tone as you rest your head on his chest. There’s silence in your hotel room as you both sway, you don’t know what love feels like, but your heart feels content and happy like it’s never before. Jungkook twirls you around, only to pull you even closer.

“So, I got us another room next door, one without cameras,” Jungkook says plastering a sloppy kiss on your cheek.

“Really?” you ask pulling away to get a good look at his face.

“Yes, only if you want to” “I want to” you reply a little too enthusiastically. Picking you up bridal style, he kisses you one last time before he walks out of the frame. 

Comments:

Lola: Jimin is right, they are adorable

SaggitariusQween: HOW ARE THE BOTH OF THEM SO BEAUTIFUL IN THE MORNING…

Zzzzz: Jimin get in line, we all want to date Hara

Yesto: This is going so well, too well

Ester: why can’t we get the sex on camera too, we’re too involved in this relationship anyway

Wallu: ___ had had such an interesting life

Dontlook: ___ talking about how much Jungkook’s movie affected him, just want he needed to hear

Kth: Can’t believe we just have two episodes to go

Episode 6: 

“I can’t believe you convinced me to take a hike,” you say holding bam in your arms.

“It was a barter babe, I helped you move, and in turn, you agreed to go on a hike with me and my son,” Jungkook says cooing at bam, he’s the smallest, cutest, puppy you’ve ever seen.

“Come on, it’s going to be so much fun, we’ll see the sunrise,” he says putting one of his airpod in your ear and blasting cheesy pop music.

“I’ve been updating my Instagram so often since we started dating, you take too many pictures of me,” you say as Jungkook is taking pictures of bam and you.

“Things are good, so good, too good, it’s a little self-sabotaging but I’m starting to worry about why things are so good” you confess to him as you’re climbing down the stairs, maybe hikes aren’t that bad.

“What’s the worse that could happen?” “We could have a major fight” “Then we would fight, talking about it, you can’t expect a relationship where there aren’t disagreements, as long as at the end of the day we still want to be with eachother, we’ll be fine” 

Jungkook had the great idea to throw a dinner party for all your friends instead of meeting them at different times.

“What if our friends don’t get along,” you ask him while struggling with a chain.

“So many things you’re worried about in that smart head of yours, what if things work out, have you ever thought about that” Jungkook says taking over with the jewelry.

“You really balance me out Kook,” you say looking at him through the mirror while he too, struggles with the chain.

“This should not be this difficult” he groans as the bell to your apartment rings.

“It must be Hara, she’s a master at this” You’re not wearing a chair for this dinner because Hara showed up one martini in and suddenly the hook was too small. On the plus side, everyone’s laughing, joking and getting along, especially Hara and Jimin.

“Oh my god, you’re handsome,” you say as Jungkook introduces you to his friend Jin.

“Jungkook, lock this one down, she has taste” Jin plays along shaking your hand.

“Okay that’s enough, you’re married and you’re dating me” 

“Okay, what did you tell Jimin because he’s been giving me some serious hints,” Hara asks you as you pour yourself another drink in the kitchen.

“I told him that you’d eat him alive,” you say as you watch Jungkook talking to a few of your friends.

“Like sexually-” “No, like emotionally, I’ve seen you with guys and if you do make a move on Jimin, just remember that he’s a dear friend and Jungkook holds grudges,” you say as Namjoon enters the kitchen with an empty glass.

“Alright” Namjoon hasn’t talked to you a lot, Jungkook thinks highly of him and you’re worried he doesn’t like you.

“Can I make you another drink?” you ask and Namjoon nods, still quiet.

“When Jungkook told me about the show I wasn’t very worried because he can be a little spontaneous, but I’m worried now because he’s actually fallen for you,” Namjoon says sipping on his drink.

“I don’t want to scare you or anything but I hope you’re sure about your feelings, I care about him a lot and so do you” he continues speaking but you’re still stuck on his last sentence. 

“How do you know if you’re in love with someone?” you ask your mother and she takes a long sip of her coffee.

“You just know when you are in love with him ___, is he constantly on your mind, does he make you feel better about yourself, do you see a future with him and does it feel right” your mother lists and you massage your head, feeling a headache coming.

“I’m just so, I have so many feelings for him and we’re so great together but what if the fairytale ends” this makes your mother frown.

“Is this because of your father and I? We might not be married to eachother but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him anymore” “You love him, still?” “Not on most days, but we spent our youths together, we raised two confident, beautiful daughters. The concept of loving someone is selfless, you give and give until you can’t anymore. Maybe you’ll get hurt in the process, maybe you’ll find the love of your life, you just need to trust the process” she says with a reassuring pat on your hand.

“What if I hurt him, I think I’m more terrified of hurting him than me getting hurt” Namjoon’s words are still ringing in your mind.

“Darling, you might, but you need to stop worrying about what might happen. Focus on what is happening right now instead, you’ve met this incredible guy and you’re both crazy about eachother, focus on that” 

“So, ___, thoughts?” Jungkook’s gathered his hyungs at his apartment tonight, it was pretty easy to lure them with the promise of fried chicken and beer.

“She was hyping up your movie all through the dinner, she enjoys a good whiskey and is very charming, and we know for sure that she doesn’t indulge in insider trading, she’s kinda perfect for you,” Yoongi says taking a big swig of his beer.

“Are you sure about her feelings for you?” Namjoon asks the important question everyone has been thinking about.

“Yes,” Jungkook says confidently and Namjoon follows up with a how.

“She suggested we make Wednesday date night a thing, she’s been clear with her feelings and emotions so far, she leans on me for support and lets me do the same, and, um, not to be sappy but each second I spend with her feels meaningful” Namjoon is a little satisfied with Jungkook’s answer.

“Have you guys talked about marriage and kids? It’s really important to be on the same page about this stuff, and no you can’t change eachother mind about this” Jin says sternly, “We haven’t talked about it yet, it’s only been like a month and a half” he says getting a little defensive.

“There’s no rush in bringing it up yet, but wherever you do, talk about it in lengths because it’s important” he takes note of what Jin said. 

“Okay, let’s talk about the important stuff, is the sex good?” Jimin asks and multiple people groan at the same time, a few cushions are thrown in his face.

“It’s mindblowing” Jungkook mumbles and Namjoon and Jin stand up disagreeing.

“You are like a little brother to me why would I want to know that” “I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT” Jungkook’s giggling at how outraged the two are and Yoongi’s question only adds fuel to the fire,

“Is the sex good or does it get better every time” “It gets better every time” 

“How was your week? Wait what’s different?” you ask as Jungkook walks up to you.

“I’m dressed like you, the sweater, longline jacket, so many accessories, the boots, I’m dressed like you and I kinda like it” Jungkook twirls around for you and it’s shocking how accurate he is.

“Where did you get the boots from? Absolutely love them” “I stole a pair from Jimin hyung, he has too many pairs to notice one missing,” he says walking along with you, his hand draping across your waist.

“So, I just had coffee with my mom and worked out four times this week, what a productive week,” you say sarcastically as you take your seats.

“I don’t love it when you talk about yourself like that, it’s been a tough month for you, cut yourself some slack,” he says massaging your arm.

“Thank you,” you say kissing his cheek, “For what?” Jungkook asks as the lights in the stadium go dimmer.

“For being kind to me when I’m not” the concert crowd reves up with the first song.

“You’re very precious to me, I’m always going to be kind to you” you’re glad how easy it is for Jungkook to vocalize his emotions because you wish it was that easy for you. To just say a million things you feel as you both dance and sing around, you wish you could just vocalize how you feel. 

Comments:

Lola: ___ talking to her mother about love, made me call my mother

SaggitariusQween: Namjoon looking out for Jungkook, what a sappy bunch of dudes

Zzzzz: Jimin getting pillows thrown in his face for asking relevant questions

Yesto: Jungkook reassuring ___ is the kind of support I need

Ester: ‘So, ___, thoughts’ was sucha relevant question

Wallu: please I’m hoping to god they end up together, I’ll stop believing in love if they don’t

Dontlook: I don’t know why I’m more curious about Hara and Jimin

Kth: Can’t believe we just have one episode to go

Episode 7: 

It was the final week of the show, it was also very close to d-day, and you were freaking out about it.

“I’m just going to focus on work, I have a shit ton of it to get through” you tell Hara as you’re driving her to work.

“So, do you or do you not want to know more about my first date weekend with the guy you set me up with” “correction, I did not do that so when this thing ends in a colossal mess, I don’t want to be blamed for it,” you say sipping on your coffee while stopping at a red light.

“What does a first date weekend even mean?” you ask driving again and Hara snickers a little too gleefully.

“We went on a first date on Friday, ended up at his place and spent the rest of the weekend together,” she says throwing you a wink, telling you exactly what they did the entire weekend.

“At first, I just thought he was hot and had a great ass, but we talked so much. I think he’s the first guy after Eric that I’ve emotionally connected with” Hara says while she’s texting the mentioned guy.

“Eric, your high school boyfriend,” you ask very shocked, “Yes, he might be the one ___” she says with a dreamy look on her face.

“Just take it a little slow, play it safe, we don’t want you getting hurt again” “Life is too short to always play it safe ___” 

“I promise you don’t have to go through this, we can just forget about this” Jungkook has been trying to talk you out of the tattoo for a while now, but you’re willing to go through it.

You handed the tattoo artist a cute drawing of the winking emoticon Jungkook made, very similar to Jungkook’s own tattoo.

“It’s kinda silly and cute like you” Jungkook worried, he was worried that the tattoo might hurt, that you might change your mind, that you might regret it. You’re getting it done on your right, upper inner arm, and you’re scared about it hurting too much.

“Just relax and sit back, it’ll be done in a few minutes,” the tattoo artist says and you exhale really loud as the pen touches you for the first time,

Jungkook can feel the pain based on how hard you’re clutching onto his hand.

“So, I’m thinking about changing apartments?” Jungkook says in an effort to distract you.

“Really? your apartment is pretty big already” you say clutching your lip in pain.

“Yes, but I want a house with a backyard for bam” “You’re such a great pet owner, Jesus fucking christ” you don’t get used to the pain, rather it gets worse.

“And I um, want a garden to grow some flowers and vegetables, my dad’s great at gardening stuff and I want to have a hobby in common with him” Jungkook keeps talking and you’re starting to relax just a bit.

“Because I can’t for the life of me learn how to golf, it’s such a boring game” “You’re such an amazing son, I hope our kids learn that from you” 

Jungkook ignored the insane thing you said all through the time you get your tattoo done. He doesn’t bring it up as he’s driving to dinner.

“Okay, that was a super insane thing to say this early in a relationship” you finally address the elephant in the room and Jungkook can’t help but giggle at your anxiousness.

“I was taken aback for a second too, but um-” “I was in so much pain that the talking filter in my mind was broken, I am so sorry,” you say as he stops at a red light.

“You don’t need to be sorry, but it’s cute to think that you think of our future, our kids” Jungkook’s trying to make this all easy for you by teasing you but it only mortifies you more.

“Why did I say that, I want the earth to open up and swallow me” you cringe all over and he can’t help but laugh.

“It wasn’t that bad, I was thinking about bringing up the topic of kids and you just dropped it like an atom bomb,” he says and you hit his arm hard.

“Can we cancel dinner, I’ll just take a cab home” you suggest and Jungkook nods a no aggressively.

“On the other side of cringe is a fun evening ___, we’re going to eat sushi and go sing some karaoke”

“I didn’t know we were doing karaoke” “We weren’t but I just added it to today's agenda”

“Holy smokes babe you’re so off-key,” Jungkook says as you very passionately sing a prince song.

“I like it when you call me babe, babe” truth be told, the sake you had with dinner is hitting hard right now.

Case and point, the complete bench is empty but you take a seat on Jungkook’s lap.

“I noticed, the first time I said it your eyes lit up. You tested the waters with Kook too but I like babe better, babe” he says browsing through the music selection, looking for the perfect song.

“I also would like to try honey and sweetheart, those are such classics too,” you say and Jungkook finally selects a song.

“Honey, I’m looking forward to all the new nicknames to come, my sweetheart,” he says as you stand up to get some water.

“That sentence didn’t make sense grammar-wise, but love the sentiment” he surprises you with a quick twirl, you almost stumble but he catches you as he starts singing.

“I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more. Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweetheart of yours” Jungkook sings sweetly and you look at him with the most love-sick look, you’ll never be the same kind of happy you are today. 

“I can’t believe it’s been fifty days already, time went by too quickly” Jungkook sighed sitting in the same conference room he sat down for the pre-filming interviews.

“___ and you have been the only couple out of the six couples who stayed with their initial match till the end,” the interviewer tells and Jungkook gasps with surprise.

“We were too perfectly matched already” Jungkook can’t help but brag a little.

“During the early dates with ___, did at any point you feel like changing your partner?” the question makes Jungkook think of the earlier dates.

“I was very fascinated by ___ on our first date, and with the gradual growth that we had I was only more curious to know more about her” Jungkook answers honestly and the interviewer nods with a smile.

“Do you think 50 days is enough time to fall in love with someone?” he giggles before answering this one, “I think I fell for her when we were in LA, she was such a champion for me through the complete trip. If I were to pinpoint the exact moment, it’d be the second she told me how much my movie affected her.” Jungkook can’t stop smiling, he’s a little giddy to see you. 

“I think around date number three I realised how much Jungkook’s out of my league, but at the same time, I so badly wanted him to be interested in me” you answer the interviewee's question about any time during the month you felt insecure about the relationship.

“Do you have any regrets at the end of these 50 days?” she asks and you sigh sitting back in your chair.

“I wish I had been more vocal with my compliments and feelings towards him, he always tells me how beautiful I am, how I’m doing better, I wish I had been a little less scared of being forward with him”

“Did you fall in love with Jungkook, if yes, when?” you take a good few minutes to answer this question, “When we went to the concert, that’s when I fell for him. My professional life had been in the gutter, to put it gently, and Jungkook told me I was very precious to him, and there was this sinking feeling in my heart, I knew I was down bad for him” a tear rolled down your cheek as you talk about that.

“Jungkook left you this” it’s a card that tells you where he’s waiting for you. 

“It was very easy to guess your favourite place in Seoul Kook, you should have made me work a little harder for it” you spot him sitting on a bench facing the Han river.

“I didn’t want to make you work for it at all, I’m very impatient today,” Jungkook says like he isn’t impatient all the time. Jungkook lifts you a little off the ground when as he hugs you, your laughter feels like music to his ears.

“So, before we talk any further, I have something for you,” you say handing him a very plain envelope.

“You wrote me a letter?” he asks and you nod, letting him read the letter you poured your heart into.

Jungkook,

I am not the best at saying what I’m feeling, so I’ve decided to write them down. This list might seem like a weird way to share how I’m feeling but that’s how my mind works.

1. I love how caring you are, and how at times you put me first even when you don’t need to

2. I love that you cry while reading books, it shows how kind-hearted you are

3. I love how you are patient with me and our relationship, even when it’s frustrating at times

4. I love how passionate you are about your work, it shows how much you care

5. I love how reassuring you are, and how you remind me to be gentle with myself. 

6. I love your voice, you could be a singer in another life

7. I love the way you kiss me, I could never get tired of it

And, most importantly, I love you. 

Love,

___

PS. if this reads a little too cringy, we will never speak of this letter again, capiche?

Jungkook’s floored as he’s done reading the letter, you wipe a few tears from his face.

“Never thought a list would make me feel like this” he jokes putting away the letter and circling his arms around you.

“Lists can be very inspirational, especially when written by me” you play along avoiding his eyes.

“___, look at me,” he says pulling your face up with a gentle touch on your chin.

“I love you, I love you in a way that frightens and excites me, I love you” Jungkook kisses you passionately at the end of his sentence, he can feel you smiling against his lips and he doesn’t want to stop. 

Comments:

Lola: not gonna lie, the list broke me

SaggitariusQween: They’re so in love, I’m so happy for them yet for some reason I want to run into traffic.

Zzzzz: The nicknames are so darn cute

Yesto: I understand ___’s need to want kids with Jungkook asap

Ester: them talking about the moment they fell in love with the biggest smiles, made me a little too happy

Wallu: Hoping this couple lasts long because I couldn’t believe in love if they don’t

Dontlook: Okay, just checked their Instagrams and they’re all over each other’s pages, glad they’re still in love

Kth: Can’t believe there’s not going to be another Jungkook and ___ episode

A year later…

The bed is empty and cold when you wake up, putting on a robe you wince because of the morning light as you walk downstairs. Jungkook’s humming by himself as he flips the omelette, he knows better than to cut up fruit, after last night the both of you need a big, hearty breakfast. His plans to surprise you with breakfast in bed are ruined by you hugging him from behind.

“I hate waking up with you not in bed” you mumble against his bare back and he chuckles turning around to face you.

“I am sorry, but in my defence, you were supposed to be asleep so I could be the perfect boyfriend,” he says kissing you on the lips.

“You are already a perfect boyfriend,” you say kissing him with a smile on your face, the perfect moment is broken up by the toaster going off.

“So, happy first anniversary,” Jungkook says and you look at him all puzzled and confused.

“Our anniversary isn’t for another month, that’s why we planned the Paris trip for next month,” you say and he frowns his eyebrows.

“No, we’re going on the trip next month because of my scheduling issues and a year ago today, we went on our first date” Jungkook has a lot of things prepared for today.

“I thought our anniversary would be the day I accidentally called you my boyfriend and you went along with it”  you made sure to mark that date in your calendar, never wanting to forget it.

“How do we decide on this?” “Rock, paper and scissors” you suggest and Jungkook complies immediately. Like always he pulls a paper and you pull scissors,

“How the fuck do you always win? What kind of witchcraft is this?” he groans with outrage.

“So, Our anniversary is next month but I’d still like those gifts. I on the other hand didn’t get you any gifts because like we decided, our anniversary is next month” you snatch the small bag from his hands, it's jewelry for sure. 

“What, is this a ring? Are you proposing? How dare you just hand me my engagement ring like it’s a random cup of coffee” you’re the one outraged this time but he just laughs sitting up in his bed.

“First off, you literally stanched the gift from my hands and just open it,” he says and you gently open the velvet box. It’s not a ring, it’s a pendant, a replica of the pendant your grandmother gave you and you lost a few years ago.

“Oh my god, this is the sweetest thing ever, my god you’re sweet. I love you” you say pecking his lips and he’s still fixated on the small bag.

“There’s more to it, look inside” you find a polaroid picture of Jungkook and you from a year ago, behind it reads, ‘Let’s move in together the card and the gift makes you tear up a little.

“I don’t have a gift for you yet Kook, it’s arriving next week and it’s not as sentimental as this one,” you say cuddling closer to you. 

“You’re the only gift I need ___, other than the vintage camcorder you’ve already bought me”

“I knew Jimin is too weak to keep a secret” you groan about the ruined surprise.

“Hara’s made him weak, can’t believe they’re pregnant” Jungkook sighs as he’s looking back at the year, it’s been a life-changing year.

“I know we’re too busy to have a kid right now, how about we have very protected sex in our bed” Jungkook suggests pulling you in his lap.

“Our bed” you aw about the fact that you’re both moving in together while Jungkook leaves a trail of sloppy kisses.

[cherrys-writings]

Grayson hawthorne x reader where reader is badly hurt and is in hopsital or something !!

Thank you for being so patient!

ICU

Brief description of panic attack

Grayson

Grayson was sitting in his office at the Hawthorne Foundation when he got the call. The news wasn’t coming from you, but your friend, she was sitting in the ER with you.

“What do you mean you took her to the ER, Marcie?” Grayson couldn’t wrap his head around it. You assured him it was just a headache, you would be fine, he should go to work. 

Marcie’s harsh tone pulled him from his thoughts, “She texted me saying she really didn’t feel well. Her head hurt and she was throwing up, dizzy and she said it didn’t feel right. When I got there she was burning up. What else do you want me to say?” 

There were voices in the background, Grayson heard the muffled sounds of the medical staff, “What hospital?”

“It was hard enough getting them to let me back, I had to explain how far away her parents were, I doubt they’ll let you.”

“What. Hospital.” Grayson was starting to lose it. His heart was already racing, shaky hand practically crushing the phone when Marcie finally answered. He took a deep breath and stood, forcing himself to walk out of the building. 

He’s not there. You’re not okay and he’s not there. Tears blur Grayson’s vision, what if you’re dying. He’s not there. Terror churns in Grayson’s stomach, his steps quicken away from the exit and towards the restroom. Grayson pulls harshly at his tie then the top buttons of his shirt, the building’s too hot. Grayson’s breaths come in gasps as he splashes cold water on his face, sweat dripping from his temples. If the building weren’t so goddamn hot, he might be able to get a full breath of air. 

Why is he taking a detour when he needs to be with you?  

Your POV

You whined when the lights were turned on again, the beams like needles through your skull, and squeezed your eyes shut. You barely heard the nurse explain that the strep and flu tests were negative and they were waiting for the bloodwork to come back. He dimmed the lights before leaving and Marcie thanked him. 

“I called Grayson. He’ll probably be here soon,” Marcie slowly ran her fingers through your hair. 

“Grayson?” you hadn’t seen Marcie leave. When did she have time to call him? You’re pretty sure she never left your side.

You clutched your stomach against another rush of nausea, gritting your teeth through the accompanying cramps. Marcie kept petting your hair, when you heard a familiar, modulated voice just beyond the door, “Will this be an issue?”

Through the brain fog, you can almost picture the expectant look on Grayson’s face when he said that, mouth in a hard line, gaze slightly narrowed. Based on the delay between his question and the poor victim’s response, he did the eyebrow thing. Light-headedness washed over you again when you turned too quickly toward the opening door. You squeeze your eyes shut, willing your sight to focus. Grayson was sitting in the chair beside your bed when you opened your eyes again, blue surgical mask covering half his face. You leaned into his touch when he brought his hand to your forehead.

Grayson’s red rimmed eyes widened, “what was her temperature when she arrived?” 

You hadn’t noticed your nurse was back, giving you anti-nausea medication through your i.v. “It was 104℉, but we’ve gotten it to come down to 102℉,” he said, “our doc wants to do a lumbar puncture. That will give us a better picture of what’s going on and then we can get you feelin’ better.”

Thankfully, the nurses set up the equipment for the lumbar puncture quickly, the ER not yet flooded with patients. It was hard to concentrate on what the doctor was saying, but you got the gist. Lay on your side, be still, they’ll give you a little bit of medicine to help with your pain and make staying still a little easier. Only when they started to explain that Marcie and Grayson needed to leave did you protest.

The previously steady heart monitor began to beep, giving away your anxiety. “Wait, no,” you sat straight up, room spinning again. 

To no one’s surprise, Grayson hadn’t moved from his chair when he was instructed. Marcie was halfway out, eyes flitting between you, the medical staff, and Grayson. It was Gray who spoke first, cool voice taking control of the situation.

“She’s obviously terrified. I’m not going to leave my girlfriend alone for this test when she’s already a bit confused from this illness. We all know things go smoothly when the patient is calm.” 

Grayson had moved a chair to sit right by your face, stroking your cheek. He let you take his other hand in yours, eyes never leaving you. There was no warning for the floating sensation as the nurse injected medication into your i.v. and immediately the pain in your head eased. Cold spread across your lower back and the doctor asked you to take a deep breath before inserting the needle. You let out a whimper and squeezed Grayson’s hand against the pressure.

“Stay still darling,” Grayson hushed, lightly running a hand down your arm, “you’re doing great. They’re almost done.” 

You watched the nurse in front of you hand the doctor gauze and a bandage. With Grayson by your side you didn’t try too hard to concentrate on what was said following the procedure. Laying flat on your back for the next hour waiting for results, you tried getting some rest, knowing Grayson would take care of you. 

********************************

You woke to Grayson gently shaking your shoulder and the doctor standing in front of you. 

“The results of the lumbar puncture came back, you have bacterial meningitis. We’re going to start you on some i.v. antibiotics down here and you’ll be taken up to the ICU shortly. They’ll monitor you the next few days and, depending on your condition, move you to med/surg where you’ll finish treatment.” 

Despite the change of scenery, it was still freezing. Grayson perched on one side of your bed, fussing with another blanket and tucking it around your shoulders. From this angle you could see the lines of worry on his face, tension in his jaw, and the tears once again trickling down his cheeks. You reached out, wiping his face with your hand, “I’m okay, Grayson”

He kissed your palm, “You’re in the ICU, sweetie. Doesn’t exactly qualify as okay.” 

“Look at me Gray,” you lifted his chin, “I’ll be okay.”

Grayson sighed, “you could have–”

“But I didn’t. I’m not going anywhere, my love.”

Before he can respond, there’s a gentle knock followed by a nurse entering. She introduces herself and takes your vitals, explaining your treatment plan and the general rules of the ICU; only one visitor at a time. It was hard keeping your eyes open and paying attention to her words. She looks at Grayson, “If you’re around each other often the doctor will want to have you on antibiotics as well, just to be safe. Is there anyone else who’s around frequently?”

“Marcie.”

“The friend who brought her,” Grayson clarified, “ I can give you her contact information.”

The nurse nods, “Please tell anyone that might want to visit that they need to be wearing a mask. Until she’s out of the ICU at the very least.”

When the nurse left you finally let your eyes shut, drifting to sleep as Grayson’s fingertips glided along your hand. 

You were awoken a few hours later to someone taking your vitals, quietly letting them take your temperature. Gray’s hand still on yours tightened when the thermometer beeped. You watched him straighten in the chair, clearly having dozed off earlier. His voice gravely when he asked, “how you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a bus.”

Your nurse removed the blood pressure cuff, “it’s a good thing you came here when you did. With a fever that high it’s a wonder you were even conscious. Get some rest, if you need anything just press the call button.”

You thanked her and looked back to Grayson, “you can go home. Get some sleep in a real bed. I’ll be okay here.”

Grayson stared into your eyes, “I’m not going anywhere.” 

The first few days passed like that, Grayson by your side as you slept. Sometimes you woke up and he would be reading, other times he would be asleep too. His hair falling in his face, light stubble on his face, and the worried crease in his brow gone even for a small amount of time. By the fifth day when you were no longer contagious, you were moved to a regular room; private at Grayson’s insistence. Several bouquets of your favorite flowers sat on the tables around the room. 

Now that you were allowed more than one visitor at a time there was almost a revolving door of Hawthornes. Nash making sure Grayson wasn’t being overbearing, Libby bringing cupcakes for you and medical staff on the floor. Day seven had you going stir crazy. You were still on iv antibiotics to make sure the infection was completely out of your system, but you were feeling considerably better. Xander visited for the first time that day, bringing with him a book of magnet block challenges. He even offered to make Rube Goldberg machines for the light switch and curtains. 

Grayson drove you to Hawthorne House the day you were discharged. “Gray, you don’t have to babysit me. I’m fine now,” you insisted.

“Sweetie, you had a serious illness that might have neurological side effects. I want to make sure you’re still recovering well.”

You hadn’t told him about the lingering brain fog, but somehow he picked up on it.  Grayson had no idea how his actions warmed your heart. Of course, he had a bedroom ready for you, but you opted to stay in his room. Grayson crawled into bed next to you, finally able to hold you close after this scare. “I love you, Gray.”

***************

Thank you for being so patient! Other requests I promise I haven't forgotten about you and will be posting them soon.

[heyidkyay]

1:02

'This song is about a girl [friend] that I had. She was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I loved her but she didn’t feel the same way. I don’t even think she knew I loved her. This song is about the times I had with her. As she and I became close friends, we had traditions. It was kinda like our thing, y'know? We’d somehow always coincidentally be out at exactly 1:02AM, so that was our thing. Now whenever I’m awake at 1:02AM, I think of her and I let her go.'

102 (Acoustic) - The 1975

She doesn't know.

Doesn’t know what it does to him when she thieves the cigarette right from out of his mouth. Doesn’t know how hard his heart pounds when she settles in closer, when her knee touches his own. Doesn’t see the way he watches her grin, eyes always catching. 

Doesn’t realise how far gone he is now. She doesn’t know.

“Guess what time it is then.” She says to him, smiling coyly while her eyes dance over the expression he wears. They’re at the common again, she’s sat close enough that her arm brushes his whenever she rants, and he can’t find it in him to pull away. It's a little masochistic.

He gifts her a glance, then pretends to look away because what she doesn’t know is that he can still see her just out of the corner of his eye. The corner of his mind. “Ask a better question.”

“Awh, come on!” She complains around a hearty chuckle, nudging him with her elbow just as he takes another drag. He’d brought ten on his way over, only has about four left now. The thought has him wondering how far he can stretch them, how far he could keep her for. “It’s our thing, don’t ruin it by bein’ a prat.”

He snorts, blowing out smoke with it, then he rolls his eyes. “One, oh three.”

She narrows her eyes in turn, “You’re actually a proper dickhead.”

He grins, can feel the stretch of it even as tries to dampen it. She reaches out then, stealing the fag for herself. She looks maddening in that moment, in this light, and he hates himself for thinking it, for the way he watches her lips wrap around his cigarette, ‘cause he knows it’s the only that way theirs would ever meet. Around the butt of a shared smoke. A shared joke.

“Wanna know who I saw earlier anyway, when I was out with our Kirsty?” She continues on, always so oblivious to his state of mind.

“Go on then.” He replies, picking at a fray in his jeans to keep from wanting to touch. Though he can already guess who.

“Fucking Dean.” And yeah, there it is. He prods her for his cigarette back and she gives him it, already yapping away again, completely unaware of how his entire being has slumped at the name.

Dean Willis was a right cunt. A mug amongst mugs, in truth. He’d been in the year above them at school, threw a couple good parties in his time, and had played for the local rugby team. He’d moved down south to try and make it big, but he’d heard Dean was back home when talking with Ross the other day. He hadn’t said a thing to her about it, hoping that the prick was just stopping in to see his mum.

“.. and he had the nerve to just smile when he passed us by, said an ‘alright’ and then carried on!" Matty tunes back in to hear her complain, smiling softly when he sees the way her nose has scrunched up unhappily and how she’s now gesturing this way and that. “You believe that? After what we had and what he did, he just swans back in with an alright! He’s a right cunt is what he is.”

Ha. He takes another drag before passing it back off to her.

“What you smiling about anyway?” She tuts, rolling her eyes at him before she finishes off the embering end.

“Nothing,” He answers, still smiling yes, he knows, but he can’t seem to help it. “Just like seein’ you all riled up.”

She glares but concedes easily enough, the beginnings of a smile wilting her stern frown. She knocks their shoulders together, “He just pisses me off is all. That, and the fact that he’s back for good. Upped and left without a second thought to what it’d do to-”

He stopped listening after that. Back for good, she’d said. What the fuck did that mean for them then, for him? Back for good. He was stuck on it. 

By the time he made it in that night, it was gone three. He’d wandered about outside for a bit after he’d dropped her off home, chuckling away to himself as he’d watched her shuffle up a drainpipe to her bedroom window, before he’d finally slipped his way through his own front door.

His dad’s away in Spain again, filming, but he knows his mum's around, he’d seen her earlier that same morning, so he has to be quiet getting in. Though it isn't all that hard, not when he’s had years of practice. 

He makes his way through the kitchen, grabbing at whatever leftovers his mum had left when she’d gone out for dinner and then shuffles his way up the stairs. Lou’s room is right by the landing so he treads a little lighter there and closes his own bedroom door with a quiet click, glad for the ability to finally shuck off his jeans.

By the time he’s stuck the stereo on low and settled himself on the end of his bed to eat, he's all but ready to pass the fuck out. Knows he shouldn’t though, that he should have something more than a pack of fags for tea, but he hardly ever feels tired. And it’s the drowsy sort, the kind he knows will knock him out instead of coercing him under the covers only to plague him with another fit of insomnia.

He chews on a few bites, his stomach hungry for it but the thought of sleep turning it all to mush in his mouth. He gets up to throw it down onto his desk, figures he’ll deal with it tomorrow or when it gets all grim and his mum complains about a smell. 

But before he can turn around again, he spots the shirt hanging off the back of the desk chair there. The same one she’d stolen and sported the last time she’d been round. When she’d fallen asleep on his bed whilst watching a film and he’d been left to keeping quiet in the dark in hopes not to wake her.

He stills for a long second, then almost unconsciously sees his hand reaching out to grasp it. Her perfume flutters at the movement, filling his head, and so he doesn’t really feel his feet start to move, or the way he falls to sit down on the edge of his bed. Contemplating what to do with it, to do with himself. 

An itch gnaws at him, the voice in the back of his head telling him to phone her because it simply wants to hear her voice. But he knows she’ll be asleep, it’s closer to four than three now. 

He clutches at the shirt and thinks back to tonight, how she’d complained for ages and he’d just listened, to the promise of her buying the first round this Friday when they all went out, to her shoes and how they’re fucking worn to bits but also the only way ones she favours.

Sleep crowds the edges of his mind but all he’s got are words now filling up his head, so he keeps the shirt close, even as he gets up to grab his guitar and then settle back on the bed. Lets it sit in his lap whilst he plucks at strings. Thoughts of her filling his room.

“You, you, you..”

[hischierdevils]

99 and 102 with Jack Hughes pretty please?

99 “i don’t know what to do” “then let me teach you” & 102 “don’t cover you’re face, i want to see you”

This situation you currently found yourself in started out innocently enough. You were staying at the Hughes’ house in Michigan for the summer and on this particular night you were all seated around a campfire.

Trevor, Jack, and Cole we’re in a heated debate about something but you were in a separate conversation with Quinn so you weren’t really listening to them.

Then Zegras decided to put you on the spot. “Hey, y/n, do girls actually get off from head? Or are they faking it?”

All of the boys eyes turn to you and you feel a blush rise to your cheeks. The alcohol you had consumed loosened your tongue enough for your words to come spilling out, “I don’t know. I’ve never received head.”

You’re immediately horrified at your confession as the boys eyes get even wider. “Wait, you’re a virgin?” Alex questions.

“N-no. I’ve had sex but a guy has never gone down on me.” You say, knowing they won’t stop pestering you until you answer.

“Did you not want them to?” Jack’s expression is unreadable as he stares into your eyes. The heat that spreads through your body has nothing to do with the fire as you fidget under his gaze.

“I wouldn’t have said no but they never offered.” You shrug before bringing your can up to your lips and finishing off your drink.

“You gotta find better guys, y/n.” Cole laughs before moving on to a different subject with Trevor. The rest of the guys sort of nod in agreement and move on but Jack seems to be glaring at Cole.

None of the guys bring it up again but throughout the night you can feel Jack watching you as you chat with his brothers.

You’re the first one to leave the circle, standing up and saying good night to the boys. You don’t notice that someone follows you in until you’re almost to your room.

“Going to bed too?” You ask Jack as you turn to face him.

He runs a hand through his hair and gives you a lopsided smile. “I was uh, hoping we could talk?”

“Talk?” You echo. Jack has never been one to beat around the bush with something. When he wants something, he’s vocal about it.

“Yeah, can I come in?” He points to the guest bedroom door and you nod before opening it, letting you both inside.

He starts pacing around the room as you shut the door which starts to make you nervous. “What’s up, J?”

“So I-uh, fuck.” He runs a hand through his hair again before coming to a stop in front of you. “I want to eat you out. I want to make you cum.”

Your mouth falls open, not quite sure how to respond. Is he serious? Is this a prank the boys made up?

“Please, y/n. I want to show you how you deserve to be treated.” Jack takes your hands in his and tugs you toward him but you’re still too stunned to speak.

“Is this a joke?” You finally manage to croak out.

Jack laughs and tilts his head so your noses are touching. “God, no. I’ve had a crush on you forever. Please let me be the one to show you how amazing you are.”

Your mind is reeling as you try to think back to every interaction you’ve had with Jack this summer. Was he giving you hints this entire time?

“I don’t know what to do,” you admit.

“Then let me teach you.” Jack captures your lips with his, lighting every nerve ending in your body on fire as his hands find your waist.

You squeeze your legs together as something starts to coil in your core. Jack walks you both toward the bed without breaking the kiss, stopping when the back of your thighs meet the mattress.

“Is this okay?” He asks as he moves his hands to the button on your jeans.

“Yes,” you breathe. He smiles and kisses you again as he slowly unbuttons your jeans and pulls them down your thighs. You step out of them as his lips trail across your jaw line and then down your neck.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me, baby.” He murmurs as he runs his fingers over your wet panties. His touch sends a jolt of pleasure through you and your arch into him, craving more contact.

“Lay down, pretty girl.” He instructs after you’ve taken your top off. You do as he says, laying on your back as he pulls your panties off of you before spreading your thighs apart.

“Jack, please.” You beg as he stands above you, palming himself over his sweatpants.

“Please what?” He smirks as he runs a finger over your folds before moving to your clit. You twitch in surprise and throw your arm over your face to keep from moaning.

“Please make me feel good.” You murmur into your arm.

Jack touches your wrist, moving your arm away from your face. “Don’t cover you’re face, i want to see you.”

You let out a noise halfway between a moan and a huff as he starts rubbing your clit, maintaining contact with you.

“Jack-“

He leans over you and kisses you again before trailing kisses down your body ending with his face between your legs.

Your hands move to his hair, gently tugging on the roots as he replaces his finger on your clit with his tongue. The noises he’s getting from you only encourage him more.

When he inserts his finger into you, you’re so surprised that you clamp your thighs around his head wanting to keep him there as the pressure in your core starts to build.

He puts another finger in you, hitting just the right spot and your back arches off of the bed.

“Jack I’m gonna-“

“Go ahead, baby. I’m going for a hatty tonight.”

[genshin-scenarios]

A Missing Half - Xiao x Reader

Summary: Corrupted AU with Xiao! After you as the Traveler disappeared from Teyvat, he's the only one who senses the loss of you. For everyone else, your presence is like a patched glitch in the system — no one can tell it's happened at all, memories erased. 

Reader is implied to be the Traveler and was dating Xiao before their disappearance!

Warnings: more possessive and codependent themes, exploring ideas of how corrosion might wear him down! Slight OOC, ‘something bad happened and now they aren’t quite themselves anymore’ kind of AU. They get better over time, probably, but that’s not within this fic.

Wordcount: 2700+

Day 55

Weeks after your disappearance, Xiao's karmic debt worsened tenfold.

It started with a plague of nightmares every time he fainted from exhaustion, contents of which only remained as dark flashes when he woke up. The remedies used to keep his symptoms down were no longer enough — he’s pulled down, and down, and down, into a darkness that aches worse than his usual corrosion.

He does not suffer directly, stabbed through by chains of red, but instead is drowned in an ocean with the air taken out of his lungs. It’s like he has forgotten how to catch his breath, and suddenly—

The sky. It is night, and he is awake.

Xiao clutches his head, trying to stave the throbbing pain away. It’s accompanied by an overwhelming grief that he cannot trace the source of, ebbing with guilt for weeks in his chest.

Who has he lost, and why can’t he remember?

With a pained sigh, he retrieves a pouch that is hanging from his waist to pick out a crystalfly core. It is not infused with resin, but a different energy that is close to the mystery teasing at his mind. 

After his constitution got worse, Xiao searched across Liyue for clues related to it. There is a figure which appears in his nightmares who he knows he must find, but the closest Xiao got to this was finding discarded crystal cores in remote places. 

When he picked up the first one, the karmic imbalance within him stilled, and as such, Xiao started to collect them as a temporary aid.

They contain an energy that is not like the other elements, but glows with a pure, white color. Morax had advised against pursuing its origins, but Xiao’s obsession to do so intensifies each day he wakes up from an unwanted sleep — heart in his throat as he tries and fails to call out a name, the syllables vanishing into thin air.

Xiao has a feeling that whoever you are to him, he must’ve grown so used to your touch that he can feel your absence even now. And most worryingly of all is that the affection he might’ve held for you has changed — distanced in nature and driven by the urge to quell the anxiety in his chest.

He doesn’t think he can let you roam freely if you’re reunited again, feeling the need to stay at your side to make sure you’re there and real and safe. 

If possession will bring him peace, then you are no longer a safe haven, but a moment in flight which he must catch and preserve.

-

Day 102

You can’t remember much, other than waking up to a violet lake which stretches on for miles.

You might’ve been stranded in the galaxy, if such a thing had a physical form you could tread upon. You think you must’ve fallen asleep or fainted at some point, and after wandering there for hours… The water finally gives way, opening up to a tunnel beneath your feet as you’re dropped into one of the innermost parts of the Chasm.

The paths open a way for you, leading you through the labyrinth. An uneasy feeling crawls up your throat as you make your way to its upper levels — it feels too easy, and the last time you’d been here you were surrounded by allies and friends. 

Paimon is nowhere to be found. Just how did you get here, and how long has it been?

Your questions are stripped away when a shadow lunges for you. You reach for your weapon, but the sword is flung out of your hands as your back hits the ground. You feel an overwhelming presence, all corrosion and destruction as it cages you within its arms.

No, wait.

His mask is cracked, but you’d recognise that pattern anywhere.

“...Xiao?”

The yaksha doesn’t budge. 

There’s a moment where his aura intensifies, and you worry that this might not be the real Xiao but a corrupted leyline remnant — before the dark anemo energy seeps away, settled back within him, and the mask crumbles away with teal particles.

His eyes are sharper than you remember, and a different color too; muddled amber with a red flame burning behind, rising and ebbing in color.

“It’s you.” Xiao’s voice is rough. 

Has he been looking for you in the Chasm this whole time? 

“Xiao, are you okay? What happened?” Every time his name leaves your lips, you realize Xiao grips his polearm tighter. “I woke up in a domain, then the next thing I knew I was in here.”

“The Chasm led me straight to you.” Xiao’s gaze is too intense to break away from, but not in the same way you’d fallen in love with. He feels a little foreign, and you can’t put a finger on why. “I had to break through its seal again, but it’s easier to pass through now that I can manipulate my corrosion.” A pause. “You still nullify my karmic debt.”

“Yes…? I always have, from the first time we met.” You answer in confusion, trying to reach out and nudge Xiao to let you sit up. He allows it, but catches your wrist along the way. “...You’re not well.” You see it in the way he holds himself. “Xiao, how long have you been down here? When was the last time you took a rest?”

“I should be the one asking you that question.” He pulls you closer — not for an embrace, but to take your other wrist into his grasp. Holding you there, making sure you don’t slip away. “Where have you been? Everyone’s forgotten about you. I searched all over Liyue for your tracks, but all that's left is your energy in crystal cores.” Xiao stops, finally releasing you as you both sit on the ground. You notice the marks on his arms are now a deep scarlet rather than teal. “You’re back. What happened?”

“I should be the one asking you that…” You mutter. “All I remember is going to bed one day in my teapot realm, and the next I was wandering in a domain for hours.”

In comparison to that, Xiao’s side of the story is much more concerning.

“It was like you vanished into thin air.” He lets your hands lay between you, but his touch never leaves, lingering without rest. “I’d lost my memories about you as well, but they never faded completely. I could tell something was wrong, but…” Xiao’s jaw tightens. “It was only this month when I could recall things properly, like your name and appearance. No one else seems to have been able to. Not even Lord Morax.”

“Not even Zhongli…” You mutter, a cold feeling runs down your spine. You had a bad feeling from the start, but assumed you felt weaker only because you hadn’t been able to resonate with a Statue of the Seven since waking up. “Xiao, please hand me back my weapon.”

He does so wordlessly, pushing it back towards you with a gust of anemo. But one look at your attire causes him to freeze.

You have no bruises or injuries, and your personality seems to be the same.

Everything is the same, except for the jeweled parts on your attire that used to glow.

You can no longer wield the elements. Xiao can sense it, even if your resonance had never weakened in the past. He sees the panic you’re trying to hide from your gaze, and pulls you into him. Your eyes widen as he tilts your chin up, but allow him to pull you into a kiss.

It’s fleeting, with a light prick from his canines as he pulls you closer. His hands trail to the place where a star is shaped on your chest, and you gasp as something flows into you, powerful and pressured like a cyclone. 

When Xiao finally parts from your lips, you realize that you feel the hum of anemo in your body, along with his presence; it’s more intense than the usual element, which is light and malleable. Instead, you feel an undertone of destructive energy within, gaze trailing to the red that now paints Xiao’s arm.

“It should last long enough for us to reach the surface.” His voice is close to your ear. “Can you still fight?”

“Yeah.” You mutter, face starting to burn from the proximity. Your actions follow him like a puppet as he helps you stand. 

A part of you feels like you’re in a dream instead of reality, but if that was so, the feeling of dread in your stomach wouldn’t bundle up so strongly.

He’s still Xiao…

Right?

-

Day 108

Over time, you learn that Xiao’s anemo application only lasts if he continues to be a close presence around you. Which of course becomes his regular excuse whenever you wander out of his peripheral vision too long, causing him to teleport to your side.

It’s not that he was trying to trap you anywhere in particular, but it was very obvious that Xiao needed you to stay close. Whether that means he’s following you to the city or bringing you on his patrols might depend on the day, but as such you’ve been more or less staying at Wangshu Inn, where Xiao can stake out at the rooftop to keep watch. 

Without even Verr Goldet knowing who you are, you’re struck with the reality of disappearing from people’s memories. No one remembers that you exist, and every time you meet someone who looks at you with curious eyes, asking if you’re a traveler, the feeling in your chest only grows lonelier. 

Xiao would watch you from a few feet away at first, before he started to linger at your side to take up the conversation. It’s an act of mercy whenever you speak to someone who you used to be close to, shielding the pained look in your eyes from growing just a little bit sadder. 

You notice how sharp Xiao’s gaze is now, too — like a hawk that is always in search, never relaxing enough to truly let himself take a break. And even with you beside him to fend off his nightmares, he is still unable to have a proper rest. Instead, you try your best to remain quiet as Xiao leans against the bedframe from his seat on the floor, having insisted it’s better when he’s still on edge.

You think back to the other time Xiao had woken up to the sound of you getting down from the bed, mistaking you for an enemy and pinning you down.

It’s more heartbreaking than anything else, to see the effects of your incident on his person. Whether it be caused by your disappearance directly or some other related factor, the affection you hold for Xiao still urges you to be by his side, trying your best to preserve the serene expression on his face as he finally sleeps — a rarer sight these days than it should be.

“There has to be a way to fix this.” You sit down on your bed after yet another day of doing commissions together, trying to numb your stress by crossing your arms. “Like my resonance, and everyone’s memories—” You look up at Xiao, who’s standing guard at the balcony of your room. “There’s no way I’ll disappear too, right?”

“...I won’t let that happen.” He says, almost too quick, like the same worry used to cross his mind.

You attempt to smile, but it’s strained and weak in comparison to your anxieties. “Right. We just have to keep searching for clues.” 

Perhaps before, Xiao might’ve placed his hand on yours to reassure you that you weren’t alone. 

Perhaps you might’ve softened at the concern in his eyes, now faded in a hardening of amber, stone, and the dark glow of scarlet along his arms. He remembers most of your past by now, but you can tell that this isn’t your Xiao — or at least, not completely in the way you remembered him.

Yet still, when you find yourself in trouble, you find yourself calling his name. When you’re searching through a ruin that you used to frequent before your disappearance, Abyss Mages ambush you — and the anemo resonance runs out from your fingers quicker than you expect, leaving you cornered with nothing but a weapon against shields of static and ice.

…Only for a deadlier power to appear, tearing through the enemies without a blink of an eye.

Xiao helps you up, but you think it’s not just his resonance that causes a chill to run through your body. You hesitate at first, remembering the indifference he held as he watched the monsters’ remains diminish, before his gaze lightens slightly when they land on you.

“...I’m okay.” You tell him, slowly letting go of his hand to search through the camp you found. You try not to appear too shaken, but you’ve honestly forgotten how helpless it feels when you’re left with only a sword against the elements. “I think I found something.”

It’s a stash of your belongings that you used to keep buried for emergency use. It’s completely untouched, with even commission receipts from months before shoved into a bag of mora. A smile finally reaches your face. “Not everything is gone.”

“Where was the last place you were supposed to go?” Xiao asks, following behind you. He watches silently as you find a few crystal cores, which glow as you make contact with them.

“Sumeru, I think.” You frown. “But I’d only made it as far as the Avidya Forest.”

Since not everything was erased… “Perhaps there is a way to restore your presence.” He says. “There is a world tree in Sumeru, which is supposed to carry all of the memories within Teyvat.”

“So if I continue my journey there, and try to find it…”

“Things could return back to normal.”

You place a hand on the hilt of your sword. “Will you remain in Liyue?” 

A beat of silence. “...No. I will journey with you. That is the least I can do, as the only one who remembers.”

“Thank you.” You face Xiao with genuine relief. “For finding me in the Chasm, and also helping me until now.”

It’s a lot less isolating to have a companion, even if your present states are a twisted echo of what used to be. The more time you spend with Xiao again however, you start to recognise traces of his past self — still there, buried under his corrosion.

“But promise me you won’t push yourself too much?” You ask, taking his hands in yours to show that you’re serious. “I know you’ve found a way to utilize your karmic debt, but the strain on your body—”

“—Is slowly being mended, by you.” Xiao lifts your hand to brush your knuckles across his cheek. It’s a gesture of promise, reminiscent of older times. “But if it makes you feel better, I will try.”

“You say that, but even when I’m up against regular monsters, you appear in a flash.” You frown. “Am I that weak now, in your eyes?”

“...I will attempt not to worry as much.” He averts his gaze. “It’s not your abilities that I lack faith in.”

It’s the fear of losing you once more. Whether it be to the wind or gods above.

“I used to put crystalflies in your hair when you were asleep, wishing on each one for more memories before I finished my journey in Teyvat.” You echo the sentiment, and try to meet Xiao in the middle. “I’ll try to be more careful as well. Since we will be traveling companions, I don’t want to burden you more than needed.”

“You’re not a burden.” The words slip off his tongue by habit. Xiao’s familiar tone makes something in your heart twinge, so instead, you place the crystal cores you found onto his palm. He stores it, always keeping a supply in case you were ever separated when his karmic debt flares up. “We should head back to Wangshu Inn for supplies before departing for Sumeru.”

Right. You’ve found a clue, but that only spelled the beginning of your quest to resolve this mystery, and hope that you can set things back to normal.

To remain in this state of limbo, where you are to remain in one state as the world goes by…

Have the fates turned your wish into a blessing, or a curse?

[arealphrooblem]

Mutually Assured Destruction Part 8

Part one here

Part seven here

They spent Friday on the couch, addicted to, of all things, an interior design competition show. Civilian felt fine enough for work but Jonathan refused to take them back. And when Civilian nearly fell over from dizziness in the shower, they begrudgingly admitted that he had a point.

At first Jonathan only glanced over occasionally from the doorway of the kitchen as he prepared tea and soup, or from his armchair as he read one of his books. But then his gaze lingered more and more until the third episode ended, when one of the contestants was declared winner of that round.

“What the fuck?” he said, sitting straighter. “That design was dogshit and everyone knew it.”

Civilian snorted. “They’ve been kissing this contestant’s ass all season so far. I don’t know why.”

“If he wins, I may have to break this television.”

“That’s not going to change the outcome.”

“No but it might make me feel better.”

When the asshole contestant lost, Jonathan fist pumped the air. Civilian couldn’t help but laugh behind the throw pillow.

“You are way more invested in this than I am,” they said.

“The world may be grossly unfair, but I like to pretend meritocracy exists on trashy reality shows.”

“Have you ever seen another competition show? That’s the last place for meritocracy.”

“Shut up and let me enjoy this young woman’s victory.”

Civilian grinned. “Or what?”

He glanced at them side-eyed, as if weighing his next words. “Or I’ll poison your soup with a laxative.”

Only a small flutter of nerves responded to his threat. It wasn’t necessarily the threat itself that caused it, but the matter-of-fact tone that delivered it. Joking or not, Jonathan’s threats never sounded empty. Even so, Civilian was going to trust him on his word. If he betrayed them and killed them anyway at the end of all this, at least Civilian didn’t live the rest of their days in a constant state of fear and panic.

“I’ve been on a mostly liquid diet the last three days, I don’t think you’d need a laxative to get the result you wanted,” they pointed out.

Jonathan pulled a face. “Disgusting. Point taken.”

“And speaking of soup . . .” Civilian let their eyes dart meaningfully to the kitchen.

“You’re hungry again?” Jonathan sighed and stood up from the couch. “Well, it’s a good sign I suppose.”

Civilian wondered, as Jonathan cooked for them on command, if he was lonely too. He had said he’d given up everything for his freedom. Perhaps he regretted such a high cost.

Or perhaps this was a long con, making Civilian feel warm and friendly to him so they wouldn’t snitch. You could never tell with Jonathan what, if anything, was sincere.

This time Jonathan included a thick grilled cheese with Civilian’s soup. They hid a smile — perhaps the laxative comment really did get to him.

“Will you let me go home tomorrow?” they asked as they stirred their soup.

“You ask that as if you’re my prisoner.”

“You mean, after forcing me to come here, making sure I have no idea where I am, and the ability to stop me from leaving, I’m not a prisoner.?”

“I — okay. Fair point. But you were the idiot who showed up to work with a 102 degree fever. Your judgment couldn’t be trusted. I don’t regret it.”

“You’re not answering my question,” Civilian said.

Jonathan rolled his eyes. “Yes, you can go home tomorrow. I could drop you off at the parking garage after dinner, even. I’m sure you’re dying for your bed again.”

Civilian’s eyes lit up. “Really? Tonight?”

“So excited,” he drawled. “You make it sound like I’ve kept you chained up in the basement this whole time.”

“Maybe if you had a basement you would have,” Civilian retorted.

“Don’t tempt me. You’d make a very nice prisoner — docile, sweet. That pulse of yours jackrabbiting in your chest while I spoon feed you soup.”

A strangle shiver danced along Civilian’s spine. Jonathan wouldn’t need chains to keep Civilian where he wanted them. Jonathan could steal every avenue of rebellion away from them, too.  They should hate the thought of it. And they did.

But part of them didn’t. A part that Civilian didn’t want to analyze right now. Or ever.

After one last nourishing bowl of soup — during which Civilian did not imagine Jonathan spoon feeding it to them — Jonathan packed Civilian back into his car. He did not force Civilian to close their eyes on the way, but asked instead.

“The less you know about me, the safer you will be,” he pointed out.

Civilian complied, keeping their eyes shut tight the entire drive back. They didn’t even dare peek during the stoplights. Jonathan delivered them safe and sound to their car in the parking garage. Ever the gentleman, he got out first and opened the door for Civilian.

They hesitated. The entire “vacation” spent with him had Civilian chewing on the same question, caught in an endless debate on whether or not they should ask it.

“Well?” Jonathan asked, gesturing widely to the parking garage. “Don’t tell me you want the basement now that I’ve driven you all the way back here.”

Civilian swallowed their nerves. Screw it. Now or never.

“Your grand plan . . . .Is it going to hurt a lot of people?”

Jonathan gave them a cautious look. “Does it matter? It’s going to happen regardless.”

“I know. I just — don’t know what to expect out of you. Ever.” They swallowed and looked away. Maybe it was stupid to ask. What kind of answer could they even expect out of a person like Jonathan?

“My grand plan,” he replied slowly, thoughtfully,  “is going to ensure my freedom in a way that can’t be threatened. And if it works the way it’s supposed to, then no. I’m not going to hurt anyone.”

Relief flooded them, a sudden weight lifted they hadn’t known they were carrying. Freedom. That’s what he wanted — not power or death, just freedom. Civilian couldn’t begrudge him that, no matter how screwed up their circumstances were.

Fingers tipped their chin back up to his gaze, which had turned steely.

“But no one had better get in my way.”

“I won’t,” said Civilian. “You — you deserve your freedom. I don’t want to jeopardize it. I know you probably don’t believe me but —“

He shushed them with one finger pressed against their lips. The hard glint of his eyes had softened. “It’s not safe for me to believe you. But I appreciate it all the same. Now go home, Civilian.”

Something strange fluttered and twisted in their gut at the feel of his finger on their lips. Civilian nodded, mute, before unbuckling the seatbelt and getting out of the car.

“Civilian! So good to see you back and at it again!”

Gloria popped her head between the divider wall of their desks, scaring the shit out of them.

“Yep,” said Civilian awkwardly. “It’s . . .good to be back?”

“Well I wouldn’t go that far. I noticed Jonathan wasn’t here the rest of last week. If that was my boyfriend I wouldn’t be eager to leave his tender loving care.”

Gloria winked and Civilian’s neck flushed in horrified embarrassment.

“It wasn’t — um, I —“ Civilian stuttered, but Gloria didn’t really wait on a response.

“Let me tell you, that boy was worried sick about you all last week. I’m glad he took those days off, he was useless. Always looking over the dividers for you, fidgeting at the computer, making ten cups of coffee. . . .”

Boy, when Jonathan put on a show he pulled out all the stops, Civilian thought with a snort. Though Gloria was such a romantic, it didn’t take much to fool her regardless.

“Yeah, he was pretty, uh, worried back home,” Civilian said, casting desperately about for a way to end this conversation.

“Back home you say? I didn’t think you guys took that step so soon. Good for you! Go get ‘em tiger!”

Dear God in heaven. Where was Jonathan’s power when you actually needed it?

“What? No — that’s not what —“

An then — as if Jonathan could read their mind as well as their boy — Civilian’s hand lifted up on it’s own accord. They watched with morbid fascination as their body pulled out the post it note pad and a pen and started scribbling.

“How do you write so well without looking?” Gloria asked, mystified.

True panic started to set in.

“I’m so sorry, Gloria, but I have a lot of work to catch up on,” they said frantically. “If you’ll excuse me —“

Her eyes widened. “Of course, of course! Don’t let me keep you. Talk to you soon, Civilian.”

The relief at watching her leave almost made Civilian forget what Jonathan had written to them until their hand picked up the post it note pad and waved it in front of their face.

Do you like Shakespeare? Want to see a play this weekend?

Civilian squinted at the handwriting, back in control again. Jonathan had never asked Civilian to go anywhere — he told them. Before Civilian could formulate how to reply — both personally and physically — their hand scribbled out another message.

Meet me in the b.r. ?

The question mark was added a second after the fact. Civilian waited for their body to stand up and walk like a puppet, but Jonathan seemed content to let them go on their own. Curious and a little apprehensive, Civilian stood up and headed to the break-room.

Jonathan was already putting fresh grounds in the coffee filter when they entered. He smirked at them.

“Next time, should I propel Gloria away from you with a sudden bathroom emergency.”

Civilian pulled a face. “You can control people’s bowels?”

His smirk twitched in response.

“That’s highly unethical,” they muttered.

“That’s not a no.”

Civilian pursed their lips against the yes they wanted to say and Jonathan’s smirk grew into a full smile.

“So, your answer,” he said, flipping the coffee pot on and leaning against the counter.

The thought of having a choice felt so foreign. Civilian wasn’t sure what he wanted from them. “Does the answer matter?”

“Shakespeare isn’t everyone’s cup of tea,” said Jonathan. “It’s Much Ado About Nothing, by the way.”

“Do you like that play?”

He gave her a curious look. “Yes, but that’s not what I’m asking.”

Civilian bit their lip. “Are you asking?”

He looked at them, brow furrowed, for a moment before realization dawned on him.

“Yes, Civilian. I’m asking.”

“Then — then I would love to go.”

“Excellent.” That boyish grin brightened his face.

Civilian had to remind themselves, against the flutters in their chest, that his inner self was never as innocent as his outer self looked

Part 9 here

Taglist: @those-damn-snippets @heroes-villains-side-blog @anonymousewrites @follow-me-into-the-fog @sunnyside-world, @rivalriotrenegade @trappedgoose-in-a-writblr-room @midnightsillusions @villain-obsessed-word-nerd @deflated-bouncingball @pickleking8 @cesspitoflove @to-sneak-away-and-hide @im-a-wonderling @hasel-anne @ghostly-writer @moonknight-s-cumdump @valiantlytransparentwhispers @galactic-squiddo @boomimhere @organizedchaos03 @dungeon-roomba @vidiaka @powerflower119 @cbiom @meltedgallium @skevethefool

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 Just Fucking Write - Day 102 🔞

Prompt: Sunwoo x Wonyoung

Tags: Unprotected sex (wrap it up kids), use of the word “whore”, squirting, multiple orgasms

A/N: Here’s my most recent request (keep ‘em coming! 💕) Somehow Juyeon made his way in here as a supporting character. That doesn’t count toward his stats though.

Sunwoo didn’t even remember what this party was for. All he knew was he was the only one of the group invited. That wasn’t uncommon given the size of the group, but it would’ve been nice to have someone to talk to when he arrived. He grabbed a drink off a passing tray and found a spot at a table to scan the room. A girl he didn’t immediately recognize walked over and stood in front of him.

”Hello,” she smiled.

”Hey,” he replied, trying not to appear too awkward.

”You don’t remember me?” she asked.

”Honestly? No,” Sunwoo admitted.

”Wonyoung, I hosted Music Bank with Sunghoon. Now I’m in Ive,” she told him. They’d been on there so many times, Sunwoo had to work to remember. He vaguely remembered her from Whisper promotions, but that had been a rough time for all of them.

”Right, yes,” he nodded.

“It’s okay if you don't remember. I’ve heard all about you boys. Gay as fuck for the cameras but in reality all of you will fuck pretty much anything with a nice ass,” Wonyoung said.

“Heard from who?” Sunwoo asked, not sure if he was offended or impressed.

“Everyone? Juyeon is fucking half the industry and gender is not the dividing half. Eric will accept a blow job from anyone. I was pretty sure that Sangyeon was useless bottom until I heard he gave pussy a try at least once. So, Sunwoo, what are you?” she took a long, suggestive lick off her cocktail straw.

“I, um, well, I don’t really like labels,” he coughed. Wonyoung smirked.

“So you’ll fuck anything with a nice ass?” she teased.

“I’m open to experiences,” Sunwoo was still coughing on his own spit. This was not what he’d been expecting. At all.

“Which leads me to my next question, what do you think of my ass?” she turned around and arched her back, the fact her dress was backless only accentuated the path down her spine to her ass. She was skinny like every other girl in the industry, but she knew how to make herself look good. Or maybe her stylists did. That wasn’t really the point. The point was Sunwoo’s cock was hard against his zipper.

“It’s nice, very nice,” he replied. Suddenly the room seemed too hot. She turned around and leaned over the table, purposely accentuating her chest.

”You’ll like it better when a dress isn’t covering it,” she told him. “And based on that bulge in your pants, you’re open to the experience.”

“I’m open,” he nodded.

“Perfect,” she grinned. She handed him a card. “Room 1206. Meet me there in 5 minutes.”

“Okay,” he agreed. When she was far enough away, Sunwoo pulled out his phone and texted the one person he thought might know something about her.

Sunwoo: I just got propositioned

Juyeon: By?

Sunwoo: Wonyoung

Juyeon: She was crawling all over me last week. She didn’t take being turned down well

Sunwoo: I’m your sloppy seconds???

Juyeon: Guess so. Let me know how it goes. I’m about to meet Aeri so ✌🏻

The message that Juyeon’s phone was on do not disturb popped up. Sunwoo tried not to groan in frustration. Of course, knowing Juyeon turned her down did give him a little leverage. She’d managed to fluster him, but now he knew what she wanted.

By this point it was time to go upstairs. Sunwoo rode the elevator up and let himself in while trying not to overthink.

“Bedroom!” he heard her when he closed the door and kicked off his shoes. In the next room, Wonyoung was stretched out on the bed naked with her legs spread just enough for Sunwoo to see she was wet. She was playing with one of her nipples when she met his eyes.

“Ready for this experience?” she smirked.

“I guess I’ll be able to tell Juyeon what he missed,” Sunwoo began undressing. “You know my cock is just as big as his. Somehow he gets all the attention for it though.”

Wonyoung’s face briefly changed at the mention of Juyeon, but then went back to the well practiced smile.

“Oh really?” she asked.

“Mmhmm. So if you’re looking for a big cock I’ve certainly got what you’re looking for. I’m also not currently fucking at least 3 other people,” Sunwoo climbed on the bed and hovered over her.

“Is that your way of saying you don’t want to use a condom?” she looked up at him.

“Only if you’re okay with it,” Sunwoo told her.

“I am,” Wonyoung nodded.

“Do you want to keep fooling around or are you going to take my cock like the whore we both know you are?” Sunwoo asked. It was a calculated risk. He could get himself slapped, kicked out, and possibly blacklisted among female idols because he called one a whore. Or he could get her pushing him onto his back and mounting his cock. Which is what happened.

“Did Juyeon call me that?” she asked.

“No, if anything he’s a whore,” Sunwoo replied.

“And me?” she continued.

“The real question is did you like it?” Sunwoo asked. Wonyoung paused, tracing patterns on his chest with her well manicured nail.

“I did,” she agreed.

“Good,” Sunwoo smirked up at her.

“And now this whore is going to ride your cock until I milk you dry,” she leaned down and gave him a peck on the lips. Then she braced herself on his shoulders and began riding him hard. It had been a while since he’d been with a girl, but Sunwoo quickly remembered how good a hot, wet pussy felt on his cock. He groaned as she rode him, coating his cock in pussy juice. Sunwoo closed his eyes and stretched out, content to let Wonyoung use him as a human dildo.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been when he felt Wonyoung start to contract around him. She dug her nails into his shoulders and bucked, moaning his name as she squirted onto his pubic hair. Sunwoo had heard of squirters, but this was the first time he’d actually experienced it. He opened his eyes and looked at her. She brushed her sweaty hair off her forehead and looked down at him.

“You like that?” she panted.

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“Good,” she smirked. “Now time for my second one and maybe I’ll let you come.”

“Is that how it works?” Sunwoo asked.

“Exactly how it works,” Wonyoung replied. She began riding him again and Sunwoo closed his eyes again. He felt the heat start to build in his lower belly.

“Don’t think I didn’t feel that,” she said.

“I’m sure you did,” he replied. She clenched her pussy around him and that sent him over the edge. She started riding him again and came a few moments later. As promised, she fucked him through both their orgasms and then slid off him.

“Pass me that towel,” she nodded to the side of the bed. Sunwoo did and she began cleaning both of them up.

“Good experience?” she asked.

“Definitely,” Sunwoo agreed.

“You’re welcome,” she grinned.

“Thank you,” he replied.

[zen-the-dumb]

Hawks Hurt/comfort Headcannons

(For this one I am finally diving into something besides mental distress. This is really not my area, so for this im just gonna do my best because i am much more used to emotional and mental distress in fanfic- so. Apologies in advance if the physical hurt/comfort is bad.)

Sick!reader

Whatever you have, he most likely is falling over you and panicking.

It doesn’t matter how minor it is, he will take care of you while you are sick. He will make you soup. He will bring you blankets. He will make you tea. He will go and buy the medicine you need.

He Is the epitome of caring boyfriend, he cares so much and doesn’t hesitate to risk getting sick by taking care of you, it’s really nice.

Is he a personal heating pad when you get the chills? Yes.

He monitors your temperature the entire time that you’re sick. If it goes past 38.8 degrees Celsius (102 degrees Fahrenheit) he is taking you to the doctor, even if he could just give you some medicine to reduce your temperature, but y’know-

He will indeed hug you under the 5 blankets he brought you if you’re clingy when you’re sick.

Movies. He sits in bed with you and watches movies whenever he’s free.

Keigo makes damn sure you are getting enough liquids. You will stay hydrated under his watch and he will bring you 3 bottles of water per day and make sure that you drink them.

Makes an effort to find medicines that will ease nausea.

He is the type to hate having to leave you alone while you’re hurting. So, he’s with you as much as possible.

(back to depressing shit-)

Reader with an eating disorder (Tw! Eating disorders. If you are triggered by eating disorder mentions, please DNI. Instructions on how to find support resources will be pinned in comments)

When he found out, he was extremely disturbed and began feeling guilty that he hadn’t realised it earlier. When you assured him that it wasn’t his fault, he still felt he should have known earlier.

(Anorexia)

He began monitoring your meals and worked with you to create a meal plan that you were comfortable with. Keigo gave you choices in your diet, but he simultaneously was making sure you were getting enough food and proteins and such.

He also probably suggests taking you to a dietitian if you were still worried about how much you were eating, just for extra reassurance.

If your eating disorder was too bad that you were severely underweight and/or refused to cooperate, he would insist upon putting you into a recovery program. He knows that that can be scary for someone, but he wants you to get better, and with it being that bad, he doesn’t think he should help without a professional.

Whenever he first found out about it, he gave you the biggest hug ever, wanting to make you feel better about yourself.

(Bulimia)

Found out after seeing your patterns of immediately going to the bathroom after you ate every single time. He had followed you and waited outside the bathroom door and barged in a few minutes after you went in.

Probably questioned why you would do something like that. He didn’t mean for it to sound like he was mad, cause he wasn’t, but he couldn’t help raising his voice a bit.

Keigo was trying to be caring as he could to try to attempt to make you feel better.

He formulated a plan with you to help you get better. He suggested multiple reasonable solutions, for example, you staying near him after eating and actually communicating when you felt like you needed to go force yourself to throw up.

He also suggested therapy and/or a recovery program for yourself.

(Binge eating disorder)

Keigo would help you with things like hiding food and such. He knows how guilty you feel after binging and he comforts you whenever you binge again.

He tries his best to keep you as happy as possible so you don’t feel the need to binge when you’re sad.

Hawks tries to help you enforce healthy eating habits by keeping logs of what you eat and tend to binge. If you decide you don’t want the temptation to binge, he will throw out the foods you most often binge (with your permission of course)

Traumatized!reader

(TW!: MENTIONS OF PHYSICAL AND MENTAL ABUSE AND/OR NEGLECT)

(Physical abuse)

Depending on the time this took place, he has different reactions:

Childhood: When he is informed about what you went through as a child and teenager, he feels incredibly sad that you had to go through that. He asks if this has negatively effected your experience as an adult. He is now conscious of his movements, making sure not to do anything that could trigger a reaction from you.

Ongoing: He asks you why you are still with the person or people that are abusing you. Then he gets pissed. Most likely asks to speak to whoever it is that has been harming you. Either beats the shit out of them or just straight up calls for their arrest. Police will be called.

(Mental abuse)

Childhood: He asks if you have ever sought help for the trauma that occured. If you have not, he suggests that if it’s still bothering you, (which, why wouldn’t it?) you should seek help for it. If you can’t for whatever reason, he offers to listen to your ventings whenever you are feeling bad.

Ongoing: He asks why anyone would ever do that to you (Because you are a lovely human being <3). He’s pissed off that you’ve been neglected and hurt by others and most likely will get into a screaming match with whoever it is who hurt you if he ever encounters them. Does his best to get you out of the situation.

Anxious!reader

He is the ultimate anxiety soother.

If you wake up from a nightmare in the middle of the night and are extremely anxious, he will not hesitate to wrap his wings around you and shush you back to sleep

If you’re socially anxious, he will offer you his hand to hold whenever he sees that you’re getting nervous.

I feel like he bought you one of those anxiety ring. If you pick at your fingers, he probably bought it to keep you from hurting yourself. If not, then he just figured it would give you something to distract yourself with.

Very sympathetic.

Keigo will always remove you from any uncomfortable situations you find yourself in socially. Someone hitting on you? REMOVE. A group of people overwhelming you? REMOVE. You get the point.

______________________________________________________________

Hope you enjoyed!

*_Requests are open, check my blog for more details!_*

_*1129 words*_

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane's Pets Chapter 102: Kindness

TWs in the tags

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Puppy leaves reality the second she leaves the house.

Not literally, of course, but she knows this walk well enough that she doesn't have to pay much attention, so after dropping the food and water Bunny gave her for the trip, she mentally retreats into her daydreams.

Puppy is a well-off author who wants to put more good into the world, so she decides to adopt a child, eventually settling on a 12-year-old girl named Ma– Jane.

Jane is a very traumatized child, and she often lashes out violently, both towards herself and others, which is difficult to deal with. Puppy can overpower Jane, obviously, she's just a 12-year-old girl, but she tries to avoid that as much as possible, to avoid traumatizing her further.

Puppy has to lock away everything that could be conceivably used as a weapon, and even then Jane is good enough at lock-picking that she can't ever be left unsupervised. It's a good thing Puppy doesn't need a job.

Jane claims to not feel anything or care about anyone, and sometimes that seems true, but other times it is painfully obvious that pretending to not care about anything is just a coping mechanism.

The first month of her living with Puppy is hell for both of them, but Puppy never even considers giving up on Jane. She doesn't know if she can help Jane with her violent outbursts and manipulative behaviors, but she knows she can be there for her even when no one else will. Every time Puppy thinks she's made a breakthrough, Jane mocks her for thinking that she could ever help Jane and believing her tears are genuine. It's rough. It's really rough. But Puppy doesn't give up on her.

Jane's behaviors get more and more extreme the longer she stays with Puppy, until she realizes nothing she does will make Puppy leave her. Then, she mellows out a little. Not a lot, but she's stopped trying to kill Puppy in her sleep, so she sees that as a success.

Jane's a very smart kid. For a long time, she uses that intelligence exclusively to destroy things and hurt people, but eventually Puppy is able to redirect her to books and puzzles. She reads far beyond her grade level, eventually getting to the point where she reads scientific studies for fun and writes letters to the authors asking questions or complaining about flaws in their methodologies. She takes online courses in all sorts of things. The school she goes to is more tailored to behavioral difficulties than the actual learning that she enjoys, so they eventually end up deciding that she can be homeschooled, so long as Jane stays out of trouble.

Jane starts to ask for things instead of trying to steal them. She starts to draw violent scenes instead of hurting herself or other people. She joins a soccer team, which seems to help her get her energy out in less violent ways, even if there are a few incidents of her playing too roughly.

By the time her 13th birthday rolls around, she's made incredible progress. She doesn't have any friends to invite to a party, but she seems more than fine with that. She begs to be allowed to make her own birthday cake, so Puppy lets her, and she seems to have a lot of fun. She doesn't even use any of the cooking utensils to hurt people or break things!

She asks for a banjo for her birthday and starts teaching herself to play. It's amazing how well she's able to teach herself stuff like that– she really is so intelligent, and Puppy is the one who helped her direct that in a productive way.

Things aren't perfect. She has breakdowns about once a month, screaming and crying and slamming her head against things until she starts bleeding or Puppy restrains her in a hug. She makes extremely violent threats any time things don't go her way and keeps a journal full of the 'weaknesses' of everyone she knows. But she's doing so much better than she was when Puppy first adopted her.

Jane enjoys styling Puppy’s hair, so Puppy lets her. She could say no at any time, it's not a weird power play. Just mother-daughter bonding.

Puppy takes a moment to reorient herself once she gets to the town. There are plenty of people who offered her help should she ever need it, since Master enjoys– enjoyed making people uncomfortable too much to do business with people who were okay with human pets. The harder part will probably be actually finding them, but she thinks if she waits in the alley where they usually did exchanges someone will come by eventually. They're actually probably more likely to be there at night… but she told Bunny and Kitty she'd be back by sundown. She can always go back to let them know she's okay and then head out again, though.

While she waits in the alley, she drifts away again.

Charlie and Liam live a wonderfully happy life. Charlie has a game company where they sell their board and card games for a nice profit, and Liam is… Liam is a lawyer. A prosecutor. He fights to protect people and prevent dangerous people from doing more damage, even if that means people he convicts get the death penalty. He doesn't feel guilty about it, because the people he gets killed deserve it and make the world better by dying.

The two of them are close friends. They love their respective careers and make enough money to live very comfortably. They aren't burdened with love for anyone who's hurt them, or crying over how someone they care about needs to be coerced into doing the bare minimum of taking care of herself. They're okay. They're happy and safe. No one hurts them by incorrectly assuming there's no other way. No one hurts them at all.

They eat their favorite foods every day. They make the world a better place. They get everything they could ever want.

"...Puppy?"

Puppy starts. There's a man she knows at the entry of the alley– Arnold. He's one of the ones who offered to help her. That was faster than she expected… or she's been spending hours looping over scenes of Liam and Charlie happy without noticing time passing. The sun definitely seems to have made it farther across the sky since the last she checked…

She takes a deep breath. This is going to be rough, but she doesn't have another choice. This is how she can get Bunny and Kitty the life they deserve.

She clears her throat and looks Arnold in the eyes. "I need help." One more thing she'll be punished for later.

Arnold's eyes widen. A few other familiar people filter in behind him– of course, there would be no reason for him to come here alone. Not all of them have offered her help, but none of them seem the type to actively prevent her from getting it. Things are going perfectly.

"Ma– Jane is… dead." She's going to get punished she's going to get the others hurt she's going to–  "I'm not–" deep breath "the only one. Now that she's gone… we need money. She left a lot behind. We don't have access to most of her fortune, but… we have the stuff in her house. Furniture. Jewelry. Weapons. Selling to the general public would… raise questions. I need help finding buyers. You would get a cut of the profits."

She feels phantom barbs digging into her skin. It's not real, she knows it's not real, but that doesn't make it any less painful. At least she can make her throat work. She can do it for this but not to apologize or comfort her friends… They'll be so much better off when she's gone.

"We can do that!" Arnold sounds excited. "We can even just buy the stuff off you ourselves and then sell it, you probably don't wanna wait around while we search for buyers. Do you need anything else? I know a guy that can forge paperwork for you, and I know a place that doesn't ask questions if you need medical attention."

"...just the money stuff, for now. Thank you."

Arnold was pretty young when Puppy first met him. She probably pitied him just as much as he pitied her, he seemed pretty in over his head. He always offered her food when he could and tried to make conversation with her. He seemed guilty that he couldn't do more, but Master had  made some examples of people who tried to mess with her already and he was smart enough to keep his head down. Even offering her food was risky, though, and he did it anyway, even though Puppy refused every time. Even as he moved up the ranks, he never lost that gentleness towards her.

"Whatever you want." He seems so genuinely happy to see her free. "So, how do you want this to work? If there's furniture we'll probably have to come by her base and get stuff ourselves– Dave, you still got that moving truck?"

"Sure do," one of the men behind Arnold says.

"Oh– it's in the woods. Her house. Can it get through there?"

"Hmm… well, we'll figure it out. The furniture had to get there in the first place, right? If we have to we can take it apart and carry stuff back through the woods in several trips."

Puppy nods. "When… works for you? I can give you directions, and you can come when you're ready." 

Giving instructions of where she's staying to a bunch of people she knows are criminals isn't the best idea she's ever had… she'll probably have to move Kitty and Bunny out beforehand, just to be safe. Without the risk of them dying, though, what's there even to be afraid of? Nothing they could do could be any worse than Master.

"That sounds perfect. We'll come by tomorrow to get an idea of everything and negotiate payment. Even if we have to take all the furniture apart and carry it to wherever we end up putting the moving van. We might not be able to get everything out in a day, but I’ll make sure you have the money tomorrow. Do you know where you're going to stay, once you have money?"

Puppy nods. No matter how much she trusts Arnold, she's not giving him more information than that. She quickly gives directions to the house. "I should… get going."

"Of course. See you tomorrow. Oh, and let us know tomorrow if there's anything else we can do, too."

Puppy nods. By then she'll have asked Bunny and Kitty, so she'll have an answer. She slips out of the alleyway and heads home.

Taking off the collar. Taking off the muzzle. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Speaking. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Writing. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Drinking water. Not throwing up the water. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Drinking water again. Not throwing up the water. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Not throwing up the water. Writing again. Not putting the collar back on. Not putting the muzzle back on. Not throwing up the water. Speaking without permission again–

The loop is difficult to ignore, no matter what she tries to daydream about.

~~

You've been trying to avoid worrying about Puppy while she's gone. You never really worried when Jane sent her out grocery shopping before, so why would you be worried now?

Well, you know the answer to that. As awful as Jane was, you know she wouldn't have let anyone touch Puppy without her permission. She wasn't in danger of anyone but Jane hurting her while she was out. Now…

But you can't really do anything about that until sunset, when she said you could go looking for her if she wasn't back yet. So you try to avoid the worry.

You pack the clothes you want to keep and some packaged foods into a garbage bag. You don't even really want to keep the clothes, but buying a new set of clothes when it's not necessary would waste money that could be spent keeping a roof over your heads. And you'd much rather leave the house and spend money on a new place than stay and get new clothes.

Once you're done with that, you help Kitty get some stuff packed. They want to avoid moving as much as possible, since it makes some of their withdrawal symptoms worse, so you bring all the clothes from their room out to the living room and ask Kitty which ones they want to keep one by one. It takes a long time, but there's not much else to do.

All of the pockets on their clothes are sewn shut. You’re not sure when that happened.

“Hey, do you want me to see if I can cut these pockets open? I think the only sharp thing we have is a kitchen knife, so there would be a risk of ruining your clothes.”

“Um… you can try…”

You go get a kitchen knife and try to cut the thread holding the pockets closed on a pair of pants. You finally get the knife under one of the stitches— and immediately cut your hand when the knife gets through the stitch.

“Fuck!” You quickly clean the wound and bandage it. Stupid Bunny. You put the pair of pants back in the bag (luckily you didn’t get any blood on it) and explain to Kitty that you’ll have to wait until you have access to scissors or something.

Once you're done with that, you put the clothes they didn't want to keep back in their room (mostly ripped and bloodstained clothes, like the ones you didn't want to keep, so selling them probably won't be an option). Then you ask Kitty what kinds of the packaged foods in the house they like and toss those in their bag as well.

Puppy still isn't back, and it takes you a minute to remember that you can make yourself and Kitty a meal without her. Jane usually didn't allow Puppy to have help with her 'chores,' so you've gotten in the habit of never fixing anything bigger than a snack for yourself. But Jane's gone now.

Of course, being able to cook without being punished and being able to cook are two different things. It's not like you had a lot of practice while you were homeless. You eventually decide to make some ramen noodles and hope you don't burn the house down.

Besides it taking you a while to figure out how to turn on the stove (haven’t you seen people do this before???), the process goes smoothly, and you end up with two bowls of ramen and some leftovers. You can’t find any containers to put the leftovers in, so you put that in a bowl of its own and put that in the fridge. Hopefully Puppy will eat it…

“Think you can keep down some noodles?” You ask Kitty.

They groan and drag themself to a sitting position with a lot of effort. “I’ll try.”

You hand them their bowl. “Are you… feeling any better?”

“I don’t want to make conversation with you.”

“Oh. Okay.” They’re still mad, then. You eat in awkward silence. They struggle to eat with all their shaking, but you get the feeling they wouldn’t be happy with you offering to help. You both manage to finish your bowls without incident.

Just as you’re finishing washing the dishes (another thing that you have to remind yourself you’re allowed to do now) you hear the door open.

“Puppy?”

You hear a hum of confirmation.

“How’d it go?” You put the dishes away and go to meet her in the living room.

She finds her paper and pencil and starts writing.

“I made ramen. There’s some in the fridge for you.”

She hums in acknowledgment again, then passes you the paper.

It went well. They’ll come here to figure out prices and transporting the stuff tomorrow. They said they’ll get us the money tomorrow even if they still need a few days for transportation, and we’ll be free to go once we have the money.

You pass the paper back. “That’s great! Kitty, Puppy says we’ll have the money and be able to leave tomorrow.”

Puppy writes something else and passes it to you.

I’d appreciate if you two could be out of the house when they come. I trust them, but I’d like to minimize risk.

You pass it back. “What? Wouldn’t having multiple people here minimize risk more?” You don’t want to be waiting and worrying for so long again.

She frowns, but doesn’t answer otherwise.

“Do you think that they’re only trustworthy towards you specifically? Or do you just want to make sure that anything that could go wrong only happens to you?” 

She winces, then sighs and shrugs.

“We’re going to stay. I mean, I’m going to stay. What do you think, Kitty?”

“I’m not moving unless I absolutely have to.”

Puppy writes something else and passes it to you.

Okay, you can stay. I probably wouldn't let one of you do this alone, so that's fair. 

They offered to help us forge documents and get medical care from people who won't ask questions. What do you think about that?

You read it aloud for Kitty and then pass it back. "I… we haven't done anything wrong."

Kitty laughs weakly.

"I mean, we shouldn't need to pretend to be other people. Right? We just need an explanation that leaves out the magic stuff. And maybe some of the stuff we were forced to do, I don't know if we're legally innocent if it was under the threat of violence… I just– after all this, I… want to be the person I used to be. As much as possible. I don't want someone else to pick a name for me again. Maybe that's not how it works, I don't know."

Puppy writes and passes the paper to you. It would make it easier to get an apartment, I think. No one's going to be especially eager to rent a place to people with no jobs or rental history in the past few years. But we would also have to worry about making sure we don't get caught. It just depends on what worry you'd prefer.

You read it aloud to Kitty and pass it back. "I… I've survived being homeless before. I feel like, in the worst case scenario, I'd still know what to do if we couldn't find somewhere permanent to stay. But having forged documents… I don't know."

"I don't want to pretend to be someone I'm not." Kitty adds.

Puppy nods and sets her stuff down.

"So… now we just wait for tomorrow?"

Puppy nods again.

"Me and Kitty packed up the stuff we want to take while you were gone, do you want help packing your stuff? I thought about doing it for you, but I didn't know what you'd want to take."

Puppy shakes her head and goes to the kitchen to grab a garbage bag. You're kinda glad she didn't ask for help, because your head is starting to hurt.

"I think… I'm just going to go to bed, then. Oh, Kitty, should I get you some pillows and blankets to make the couch more comfortable?" You should've done that sooner, why didn't you think to do that sooner? Stupid Bunny.

"...yes."

You get some blankets and pillows from their room (maybe you should've packed blankets and pillows? Most of them are bloodstained, though…) and help them get comfortable on the bed. Then you go to your room and crumple into your bed.

This is the last night you'll spend in this house. The hard part is finally over.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else, or if you want to be added to or removed from the tag list! This was released exactly on time what are you talking about

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @thecosmicmap @quins-whump-stuff

@fuckcapitalismasshole

[theworldvsyoshiko]

Presenting the graduating class of 5507:

This is a big one, and it's gonna really hurt. This doesn't just represent the core of the colony's fighting ability, but the kids who handled a lot of the day-to-day work. Also it's going to break Yoshiko's heart, because every single one of these were under 13 when they showed up, so she adopted them all. I mean, you can adopt people over 13, but that's kinda the cutoff point I set for now. Anyway, yeah, two sons and three daughters ready to head out into the world.

Also? Not a single missing limb among them. Stein's missing a finger and a toe, but that barely counts.

Stein, despite being paralyzed when he first showed up, missing a chunk of his childhood as a result, and needing genetic modification before he was even safe to keep around, has become basically the adult in the room when Yoshiko's not around. He's great with a gun and just about single-handedly responsible for taming and controlling all of the colony's war animals. As many animals as that is, and as few robots as we have (more on that later), he's probably a bigger help in a fight than Yoshiko herself. He has 102 kills.

Who's gonna train our huge pile of war animals once he leaves? Good fucking question. Literally might have to eat some of them.

Also Yoshiko bit his toe so hard that it bled once, so that was fun. Thanks to his weird appearance, it's rare for him to have many friends in the colony, but I'm sure as hell gonna miss him.

Wester has been here since she was 4 years old. She might be the graduate who's lived here the longest? Which I guess might explain why she's close with almost everybody. She blew up a mech cluster with a synthetic tornado that one time. She's solid with a gun, the best artist around, and just generally competent or better at most things. Oh, and she and Manny did basically all the gardening, so that'll be fun to lose.

Thanks to the overlap of her artistic development with the colony's peak rabbit population, she made a lot of sculptures depicting people sterilizing rabbits. And rabbits getting eaten by predators. And rabbits getting shot by the colony's enemies. I think that keeping dozens of free-roaming rabbits around when you have small kids is maybe a bad idea.

Manny has only been here since she was 10, and upon turning 13 she decided that she's a pacifist. Fortunately, she's good at basically everything that isn't combat or mining, and you know what? Having a really good doctor waiting back at the base, who's almost guaranteed to not have a fresh bullet wound, has proven pretty handy after a lot of firefights.

The whole 'adoption counts people as Kin rather than Sons/Daughters' thing struck here, in that the game recognizes that Manny and Cisneros have some kind of familial relationship, but doesn't consider it close enough to prevent romance. So those two are dating.

Tiger is, it must be noted, ugly as fuck.

You'd think this would be a bigger deal than it is. Not only is most of the colony willing to overlook this, but she did a lot of research, which meant a lot of time sitting by Yoshiko and chatting, so they've usually been pretty close. She's also a gun-obsessed weirdo, so Yoshiko's trend of adoring small violent children continues.

Tiger's probably the third-best combatant in the colony after Yoshiko and Stein, and her accomplishments include: once snapped and did about half of the drugs in the storeroom all at once, walked away addicted to a couple of things, and spent the next year or so fucking miserable.

Cisneros has, for whatever reason, been Yoshiko's best friend pretty much since the day he arrived. She adores her weird blue cat son. Whereas he's like the one person in this list who isn't a national-level expert in multiple fields of endeavor, and he's not very good in a fight, so I will miss him the least.

Bye, kids. I'll miss you. (Except Cisneros.)

[yamayuandadu]

Does Jiutian Xuannü have any connection/relations to Ishtar/Inanna?

I’ll be blunt: I’d really prefer to get better Inanna questions, if possible.

Questions which deal with actual published comparative scholarship and which show actual engagement with the material are fair game and as you can see going by the past few months worth of responses I don’t dismiss these (in fact, the series of questions about Iranian-Mesopotamian interactions were among the most enjoyable to answer out of recent ones, I had fun with the question about Durga’s early history too). However, in the case of this ask there’s not even any real argument to be made here, those are two completely unrelated figures which arose in completely different cultural contexts and have no spatial overlap. I’ll try to answer it nonetheless, more under the cut.

For the sake of a hypothetical, let’s ignore the temporal and spatial differences for a moment though these would be more than enough.

Jiutian Xuannü’s association with sexuality exists in a highly specific Daoist context where sex functions essentially like neidan, the “inner alchemy” from immortality manuals and other similar literature (see Suzanne E. Cahill, Sublimation in Medieval China: The Case of the Mysterious Woman of the Nine Heavens, p. 101). Correct conduct in this sphere is a pathway to longevity. Needless to say, that offers no real parallel to any Mesopotamian material from any period; for a brief overview of Mesopotamian attitudes to sex across time and space see here, it’s also worth looking into Gioele Zisa’s The Loss of Male Sexual Desire in Ancient Mesopotamia. 

Warfare is too universal of a sphere of activity for a deity to really warrant any comment here but, similarly, the cultural context is very different; for Jiutian Xuannü see Peng Liu’s “Conceal my Body so that I can Protect the State”: The Making of the Mysterious Woman in Daoism and Water Margin, for Inanna Ilona Zsolnay’s Goddess of War, Pacifier of Kings.

Iconography-wise I don’t exactly see grounds for any comparisons either. The earliest version of Jiutian Xuannü, known from Han dynasty funerary art and sometimes mentioned in later literary texts, was a bird with a woman’s head (Cahill, p. 102) which… also doesn’t exactly offer any real parallel to Mesopotamia (indeed, it’s basically a rule that deities of note lack animal parts, serpentine peripheral oddities like Tishpak and Ishtaran aside). No human-headed birds are really mentioned in Frans Wiggermann’s overview of hybrid creatures in Mesopotamian art. However, this fits in perfectly well with the host of other partially human, partially animal deities and other supernatural beings from Han dynasty sources like the Classic of Mountains and Seas. In other words, as far as I am concerned there is no real reason to suspect that Jiutian Xuannü is anything but a typical Han dynasty deity who then underwent typical shifts such a figure would as Daoism continued to develop. Incredibly hard to imagine that a deity from the other side of the continent whose cult would be already on the way out when the first references to Jiutian Xuannü start to pop up and who is not really attested in any period east of Susa would have anything to do with her. The closest thing to reception of a Mesopotamian figure in China would be the occasional references to the Sogdian version of Nanaya (I compiled relevant evidence in her wiki article), but there’s no real evidence anyone but the Central Asian immigrants would be particularly familiar with her. There is only one depiction of her from China and it’s an oddity commissioned by a Sogdian for personal use, the funerary couch from the collection of the Miho Museum:

The iconography tbh doesn’t even resemble her depictions from Sogdia save for the two orbs. Given that this is a figure worshiped right next door think how less likely it would be for a Mesopotamian figure to reach China and leave some meaningful impact at a time when there were less contacts with foreigners, let alone foreigners which would have any contact with Mesopotamia.

[roleplay-abiogenesis2]

(For Cyno) 26-Something you are working on right now: 27-Do you have any “rules” about food? 31-What do you think you’re really bad at? 66-Something you do without realising: 67-5 things you want to change: 75-What is your favorite quote and why? 102-What would your dream house be like? 183-Do you like to dance?

Ask Me Anything || Always Accepted!

26-Something you are working on right now:

"Reorganizing my TCG collection." He proudly gestures to the open book and cards on the table. Nothing here is casually scattered; Cyno keeps a firm vision of how everything is sorted and pays extra care that nothing is out of place.

"Zola's present was extremely thoughtful, and I couldn't wait for a moment to sit down and rehome my collection of signed cards somewhere appropriate. Here are all the cards of champions I was able to get a signature from. There's still so many I'm missing... When I'm finished, this book will provide me a clearer image of who to hunt down next."

27-Do you have any “rules” about food?

"Everything is better in the presence of order. In this, food is no different. Some meals are best served at a certain time of the day, and others during a specific time of the year. The most important rule of all, however, is moderation. Eating in excess is bound to spoil even your favorite meal... so make sure to eat it sparingly and cherish it."

31-What do you think you’re really bad at?

"There are plenty of things I could be better at, though it is not my place to say I'm bad at something specifically. There are better judges for that... However." His gaze becomes just a little duller. "Some opinions are plagued with subjective perspective. If you're thinking of asking about my sense of humor, I find the Archon of Wisdom to be a much better assessor than most people in my circle. Definitely don't ask Tighnari."

66-Something you do without realising:

"Normally I'd argue that this is the kind of question one couldn't answer. How would one know about something he's not aware of? Luckily for you, I have been informed by enough external sources about my propensity to make others uncomfortable with my tone and stare. It's not always unintended, but when it is, I do try to fix things with a joke."

67-5 things you want to change:

"Alhaitham." He counts on his fingers. "Alhaitham. Alhaitham. Alhaitham, and lastly, Alhaitham. Yes, I'd change him five times. The more attempts you have to roll your die, the better chances you have that at least one throw will land on the side you want."

75-What is your favorite quote and why?

"There are so many great quotes in King of Invokations. You should read it a few times. It is the only true way to grasp the meaningfulness and beauty of its story." He says with a true spark in his eyes. "I could tell you all of my favorite quotes, but that would spoil the experience. Come back to me after you've read it through at least once. I'll take the day off to share all of my thoughts with you."

102-What would your dream house be like?

"It's a place that already exists; right there where my heart is." He responds with fondness. His lips have distended into a softer smile. "A place where you can be yourself, surrounded by your loved ones and their warmth. Those are the necessary foundation for a real home. Anything else is optional."

183-Do you like to dance?

"... I like to watch dancers, of course. It is a form of art that requires a lot of dedication and skill to fully master. That's not something I could personally perform; not really. Music doesn't speak to me that way."

[loveydive]

i just finished reading giovanni’s room and i am curious about the immense amount of ‘room’ imagery in the novel. i mean duh, a novel called ‘giovanni’s room’ is going to use that analogy. but ive seen people interpret giovanni’s room as soooo many things but none of them felt satisfying enough for me.

ive seen ppl call it a physical cage for davids idea of masculinity, or a place of freedom and love where david can love who he loves away from society’s expectations, or a toxic and claustrophobic place that forced him to stay in the closet. but i feel like the room can be all of these at once. in my eyes, the room analogy is amorphous and its meaning changes throughout the story because my take on it is that giovanni’s room is giovanni.

when david first sees the room, he remarks that it is organised by ‘punishment and grief’ (p. 78). and he thinks that his role is to ‘destroy this room and give Giovanni a new and better life. This life could only be my own, which, in order to transform Giovanni’s, must first become a part of Giovanni’s room.’ (p. 78). the implication is clear - he must become a part of giovanni’s life and to destroy the grief that wracks giovanni and give him a better life.

but its important to highlight that giovanni never saw his room like david did. because when david asks him why he has buried himself in ‘that hideous room’ (p. 104), giovanni doesn’t agree with him. he rebutes:

‘The world is full of rooms - big rooms, little rooms, round rooms, square ones, rooms high up, rooms low down - all kinds of rooms! What kind of room do you think Giovanni should be living in? How long do you think it took me to find the room I have? And since when, since when’ - he stopped and beat with his forefinger on my chest - ‘have you so hated the room? Since when? Since yesterday, since always? Dis-mois.’ (p. 104)

if you consider that the idea that giovanni’s room is giovanni, this conversation is essentially david calling giovanni hideous and giovanni having to justify his existence, his humanity to him. giovanni simply lives in that room, he never thought of it as stinking or dirty like david did. because unlike david, giovanni ‘is not afraid of the stink of love’ (p. 125), to him this is simply the reality of love and being human. and when he asks david when he has started to hate the room, it prompts the reader to question of when he has started to hate giovanni himself.

this discovery is all the more heartbreaking when giovanni says this monologue when reuniting with david after hella’s return:

‘Sometimes you were here all day long and you read or you opened the window or you cooked something - and I watched you - and you never said anything - and you looked at me with such eyes, as though you did not see me. All day, while I worked to make this room for you.’ (p. 121-2).

and yes i did cry at the bolded section. it just reminded me of the man called ove and how in that novel love was shown so much through building. how ove builds a ramp for wife so she can go to work, builds all the tables in their houses lower for her, builds bookcases after bookcases. and thats what giovanni was doing for david. he was working to make that room for him. to make himself for david. and when he lost his job, he found other ways to show his love for david through the room and david knows this:

He had some weird idea that it would be nice to have a bookcase sunk in the wall and he chipped though the wall until he came to the brick and began pounding away at the brick. It was hard work, it was insane work, but I did not have the energy or the heart to stop him. In a way he was doing it for me, to prove his love for me. He wanted me to stay in the room with him. Perhaps he was trying, with his own strength, to push back the encroaching walls, without, however, having the walls fall down. (p. 102)

the room where these two have spent so many hours in had begun to feel smaller when they were struggling with money. giovanni recognises the desperation of the whole situation - that he has nothing to offer david anymore. he has no job, he is no longer entertaining enough to pique davids interest, and davids fiancee is coming back. the room has become smaller and boring - he has become small and boring. so when he begins pounding at the brick wall, it was as if he was trying desperately to change himself so that david would stay with him.

but david doesnt. when david first kisses hella upon their reunion he describes her as a ‘familiar, darkened room’ (p. 108), almost as if he is imagining kissing giovanni instead. but when she makes up her mind and they agree to marry, when they make love, he describes her as a ‘strong, walled city’ (p. 110) - david has already learnt to forget giovanni. because no matter how hard he tried, giovanni’s life was so much smaller than hella’s, he could never hope to compete. hella is a city, giovanni is just a room.

and when giovanni was caught, he was caught ‘no farther than the Seine’ (p. 135). giovanni never even left paris even though he knew he would be arrested. he remained there where david had left him - like a house; like a room.

the room was never just a room - the room is him; he is the room. and he could not make himself into a city for david as much as he wanted to try.

[scribeforchrist-blog]

Go Get It

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

+ Psalm 102:17 He will hear his forsaken people and listen to their prayer.

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VERSE OF THE DAY

========================

+ Proverbs 4:5 Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them.

=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM APPLYING WISDOM

I AM APPLYING KNOWLEDGE

I AM WILLING TO CHANGE

I AM LOVING

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

    It’s a price to pay to have the anointing of God; it’s a price to pay to learn the word of God; that’s why the verse says, GET wisdom. Get understanding; we have to get it if we want it, and we have to crave it enough to want to get it because, without it, we can't teach it, and without it, we can't understand the words, a lot of us think that just reading the word we will understand but when we take the Holy Spirit with us while we are reading and we allow him to teach us the word we learn so much more

    When I first gave my life to Christ, I went to this small ma and pa bookstore and bought this brown bible. I got some highlighters from my mom, and every day I woke up, I would read and read the word of God until I got tired. The Holy Spirit would speak to me about his word. I would listen for his voice and ask little questions and things about what I was reading so he COULD lead me. I learned something by simply having an inexpensive bible and some marker lots and just waiting on the Holy Spirit to teach me; that’s all it takes: patience and knowing and believing that if I wait, he will pour into me at the time an empty vessel.

 James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

     We must do this every day: ask the lord for wisdom. You might find it a waste; you might find it something you don’t need, but to grow in God, we must grow in wisdom, we must grow in understanding, and we must apply it, not just to read it. Still, we must GET IT and apply it.

  Like getting lotion or a prescription, we must apply it to our bodies to see results. We don’t get any results by it being on our nightstand, just like medicine; we won't feel any better if we aren’t taking it, just like the lord's word. We can't grow and change without reading it and seeing what God wants to do with us; many of us are supposed to be off of baby food. Still, we are stuck because we don’t want to apply what we learned. We don’t want to grow from what we learned in his words. We must learn to read and apply it to grow past minor things.

 Proverbs 17:6 Why should a fool have money in his hand to buy wisdom when he has no sense?

    We can think that we are going to gain all this wisdom and that’s it, but when we gain this wisdom and don’t change, we look foolish; the verse is telling us why should a fool have all this money ,if he doesn’t have the wisdom to use it , this is just like us why would God give us all this wisdom if we aren’t going to use it if we aren’t going to apply it and make a difference in our lives we have to stop allowing what our actions and our fleshly desire to slow us down on growing we have to let go of the things of this world and pick up the things of the spirit , the word of God say this

 1 Corinthians 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

    See, when we were babes in Christ, we could be a certain way, and people looked over us because we were babes, but now that we are more knowledgeable in the word of God, we must put away the childish things of the world and become a wise person in our thinking we must become a man or woman of God.

  It's not about how long you have been a Christian; it's not about how many verses you can quote, no friends; it's about your actions and the content of your heart; we must learn that we grow by the wisdom of God not by years, I have met people that say they have been a Christian for 20 years, but just because a person has been a Christina for 20 years doesn’t mean they know God nor does it mean they walk in the spirit.

  When I meet some people who have been Christian for maybe 6 -9 years, they have something in them that says I am walking with the lord, which is the Holy Spirit and they are applying everything they know to their lives, see friends we must GO Get wisdom and Go Get understanding.

  We can’t look at years; we must start looking at growth. What is happening today is that the world is looking at the length of years. God is looking at the heart; are you applying what you read? Are you Going To Go Get It, or are you trying to change and learn? We must grow and do this in God, not ourselves.

 ***Today, we learned that we must seek God with all our heart and all our mind, and we must be willing to learn from the Holy Spirit; in his word, wisdom can be found, and understanding can be found, but a lot of us are without this because we are willing to read all day but not apply none of it to our lives. We can’t read the word of God like it’s a novel, but we can read it like it’s a prescription, reading it to understand what we must do.

  Every day, we must read the word of God, and yes, we will miss a day here and there, but the more we are stagnant in reading and praying, the more we will always be stagnant in our growth with God we will become dry and unmotivated because we stop bringing ourselves to the fire. To keep a fire going, we must add wood, and as we add wood, the fire grows; the fire in us works the same way: the more we skip and miss reading the word of God, the more we skip and miss praying we will always have no fire, but when we apply ourselves and apply the knowledge of God and meeting him every day we will grow in Knowledge but we must GO GET IT!  ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

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PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father, we thank you for everything; we ask you right now to be with us and help us through our hard time reading the Word. Lord, we want to grow in you and learn more. Father, help us apply what we read to our lives and change. Father, we don’t want to be the same person we were last year; we want to be different. Please help us do this every day. Change our hearts and minds, please. Lord, we thank you for everything and ask you to help us conquer anything we lack. In Jesus Name, Amen

========================

REFERENCES

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 + Ecclesiastes 7:12 For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it.

+Job 12:12 Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.

+ Proverbs 10:8 The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin.

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FURTHER READINGS

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 Proverbs 15

Leviticus 10

Job 24

2 Corinthians 3

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[rodentchild]

Things my friends and family have said as prompts: part 19

"Old people follow me everywhere."

"If the last thing I ever say to them is 'I love you,' then I'm good. I could die with that."

"This is truly the most batshit thing I've heard you say all week. You good?"

"It's like a soap opera writer took cocaine before trying to make a Black Mirror episode."

"I'm not an idiot, you know." "That's your opinion."

"They're just different flavors of unhinged."

"Your happiness at this surprise convinces me that I should be concerned."

"Compared to this, whatever information you think you have on me is nothing more than a frayed little mockery of a secret."

"I keep a list of all your problems in alphabetical order. It goes from Alpacas to Zebra-printed skirts."

"I've heard people say there's a fine line between ambitiousness and cruelty. I think that's just what people tell themselves so they feel better about all the people they screwed over."

"I have no illusions about who and what I am."

"Why you going to a gynecologist, ain't you a dude?" *sees trans flag pin* "Ah, gotcha. A dude with extra. Dude+ if you will."

"I followed my heart and it led me to a McDonalds."

"Is this- Is this a gnome? Did you throw a garden gnome at me?"

"This is a party thrown by the theatre department, of course we have drugs here!"

"You look like you should be stowed away in someone's carry-on luggage."

"The only payment I require is a life. Whether that is in service or sacrifice, I leave that choice to you. You have until the end of day to choose."

"You give off the vibes of loose mustard. It's not good and it's not bad. Just a general confusion with the hanging question of 'What happened here'."

"You're not reckless. You're just stupid."

"Because of what I've done in my life I can never truly call myself a good person. I can do good things, but I will never be good. You are good."

"We naked in the backyard!"

"Yeah, I'll eat a battery. No question. We talking AAA or 9Volt?"

"Hello?! Hello is this Lexie with the synagogue?! I heard you was gonna have guitar and drums and piano for the services so I was wondering what instrument you wanted me to bring?" "Ma'am you have the wrong number." "....I got a flute. Does that work?"

"You're all ducks, whether you like it or not!"

"I will remove your teeth."

"Hey. I'm from the future. Magic is real. Time travel is real. Zombies are real. They come from mushrooms. Don't eat mushrooms."

"What are you doing up, you're sick!" "Yeah I'm the sickest bitch up in this place." "No, you have a fever of 102. Go back to bed."

"You are very kind, but sometimes that's just not enough."

"It's like, have you even had sex?" "Yes. Yes I have." "That is absolutely a 'No' that just came out of your mouth. I don't care it was, it was a no."

"For someone who worships a god of mercy you really are cold-hearted."

[chronicallymargaret]

the beginning

One morning in February of 2012, my mom had knocked on the door to wake me for breakfast and I told her I didn’t feel well. She went and grabbed the thermometer and it read 102℉. There was a sickness going around the high school at the time, so she told me to take some meds and rest. The next morning, my mom woke me up again to check my temperature and it had barely gone down. I stayed home again and followed the same regime. After my fever finally broke, my body didn’t feel right. I thought maybe I was just overly tired from being sick or maybe it was just the cold medicine wearing off. Eventually, I got to the point where I really didn’t think about the pain because I didn’t want to worry anyone. The family wounds were still healing from losing my first best friend, my grandpa, six years prior to cancer. Plus, I never liked people worrying about me because I knew that no matter what, I would always be okay - or so I thought.

High school was hard enough - let alone having a medical condition that not a single doctor in the tri-state area knew a single thing about. I kept my symptoms away from my parents for a very long time. Eventually, like most parents, they caught on that something wasn’t right with their kid. In December of 2012 along came the typical parental questions: “Margaret, are you doing drugs?” “Come on, kid, just tell me what’s going on with ya.” “Kiley Mae. Sit your ass down and start talking.” And then the never ending conversations and tears started to flow. I explained that, no - I was not doing drugs (I really was quite innocent here, Ma and Pops. Only a couple of times, I swear.). I finally broke down to my parents and told them the truth: Ever since that February morning in 2012, I’ve had a headache and chronic pain nearly every day.

Next thing I knew, my mom started researching and researching and more researching. She tried countless times to get clinics/doctors/specialists - you name it, she called them - to even listen to her. She called Mayo Clinic nearly EVERY DAY - practically begging on her hands and knees to fit me in to be seen by someone, anyone. She was my voice because no doctor or person took me seriously. I was “craving attention, a drama queen, drug addict/seeker, hypochondriac, lazy, not good enough, problematic, selfish, waste of money, time, and space.) I watched my dad’s hair slowly turn more and more gray as he worried about whether he should go to work to make money for the never-ending medical bills or go with his wife and daughter to find out the answers. (I hate how corporate America works. Since when has money become more important than one’s health? It’s disgusting and I wish we could change the system.) I watched my sister lack the attention from my parents that she deserved because they were constantly worried about me. (I am in no way, shape, or form calling out my parents. They have ALWAYS done their best in EVERY situation and that is why I am so proud to call them my parents - my heroes.) My high school friends secretively raised money to buy me a miniature pet pig to try to help make me feel better - my parents appreciated the kind gesture but said no because I needed to focus on my health. (I WILL own a pet pig one day - Dallas has already approved.

I have had a majority of my POTS symptoms under control over the last 10 years, but 2023 really screwed up my body. Due to all of the trauma and stress from not only everyday life, but miscarriages, surgeries, and mental health episodes as well - my body has been in FULL overdrive. I've been struggling trying to keep my life going and trying to ignore my health because I don’t want to give in to the fact that my POTS is getting WORSE and not better like I had been telling myself - and everyone I know - since the day I was diagnosed in July of 2012. Back then - yes, this was a frickin’ decade ago .. totally gross, I know. [“POTS was only seen in approximately 500,000 Americans. (https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2012/0901/p392.html)."] Imagine being 15 years old and you're a literal drop in the ocean of people who have something medically rare. What in the frick are the odds of that?

Flash forward to now, February 2024, I have nearly every symptom back plus new ones. My chronic symptoms are headaches - different intensities and locations, lightheadedness and dizziness, severe brain fog - I try not to drive on these days as I typically forget everything, insomnia, anxiety (omg .. I said the BIG “A” word), and depression (oooopps, I did it again bahaha). My new symptoms are: chronic abdominal pain - intensity and location has varied over approximately three months now, dry heaving, hot and cold intolerance (I told my work mom’s I feel like I’m going through menopause with how many hot flashes I have .. they giggled and said “Ohhh Kiley Mae, you have no idea what you’re in for - this is hardly nothing.” Also, can we talk about how important work relationships are? I love my work moms and work family - I’m very blessed on that front.), and vomiting.

The news that I learned today was that due to the dry heaving and vomiting, I now have a large hiatal hernia - part of my stomach is on top of my diaphragm. I’m currently waiting for a call to schedule a barium swallow test and I have a referral in with the University of Nebraska Medicine with a POTS specialist. I personally believe that I’m going to have chronic headaches and abdominal migraines - but I’m holding onto a little bit of hope that the doctor I currently have is going to confirm that the abdominal discomfort is from the hernia, not POTS. I plan on keeping this updated regularly because after I figure out what’s going on with me - I want to share my path of life so no one has to go through the medical trauma that I have.

Medical trauma is a huge part of not only who I am as a person but talking about it is the therapy that I am working through right now. I will eventually spill all of the emotions, but for today I’m going to talk about today. Because today was a very good day and I deserve to celebrate it.

My parents have become “snowbirds” and fly to southern Texas for the winter. Unfortunately, my endoscope ended up being scheduled while they were gone. I told my parents they didn’t have to come back home because it was a simple procedure, and everything was going to be okay. (Yes, I’m 27 and still take my parents to certain medical appointments because I’ve been hurt - I’m working on it.). I don’t know if it’s because I finally did it by myself or if the staff was told to be extra careful with me or what - but I had the most relaxing experience ever. No one looked at me like I was weird when I stated that I had POTS and would need an extra bag of saline. The first anesthetist actually shared with me that she also was diagnosed with POTS. I immediately got a smile on my face and asked if she was kidding. Coming from a small town, not very many people understood what my diagnosis is and again - I’ve been used to being a single drop in the ocean.

The anesthetist made sure to mark my charts and inform the rest of the care team my condition, what to expect, and what I would need after I woke back up. Anesthesia tends to send me into a flare up - especially with cutting off food and water after midnight. Once I got taken into the operating room, my actual anesthetist started asking me questions about POTS. He stated that he had heard of it, but only until recently. I started to explain how long I’ve had it. Then I just started word vomiting because this was a whole new experience for me - how I just want some answers but I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything. I had already come to terms with the abdominal migraines starting. He looked at me in the sincerest way and said, “Wow. You’re a strong woman. You’ve been through a lot but you’re so cool about it.” That statement right there hit me. I realized in that moment that, holy shit, I’ve persevered. I’ve climbed a huge hurdle today and I can’t wait to keep climbing.

If you've read this long - just know that I see you and I love you.