#also links but links still does videos he feels less old internet

[moinsbienquekaworu]

What the Cut is ten years old SLG is eleven years old I graduated high school I feel ancient and I'm atrociously young time has no meaning

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Recommendation engines and "lean-back" media

In William Gibson’s 1992 novel “Idoru,” a media executive describes her company’s core audience:

“Best visualized as a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It’s covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth…no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections.”

It’s an astonishingly great passage, not just for the image it evokes, but for how it captures the character of the speaker and her contempt for the people who made her fortune.

It’s also a beautiful distillation of the 1990s anxiety about TV’s role in a societal “dumbing down,” that had brewed for a long time, at least since the Nixon-JFK televised debates, whose outcome was widely attributed not to JFK’s ideas, but to Nixon’s terrible TV manner.

Neil Postman’s 1985 “Amusing Ourselves To Death” was a watershed here, comparing the soundbitey Reagan-Dukakis debates with the long, rhetorically complex Lincoln-Douglas debates of the previous century.

(Incidentally, when I finally experienced those debates for myself, courtesy of the 2009 BBC America audiobook, I was more surprised by Lincoln’s unequivocal, forceful repudiations of slavery abolition than by the rhetoric’s nuance)

https://memex.craphound.com/2009/01/20/lincoln-douglas-debate-audiobook-civics-history-and-rhetoric-lesson-in-16-hours/

“Media literacy” scholarship entered the spotlight, and its left flank — epitomized by Chomsky’s 1988 “Manufacturing Consent” — claimed that an increasingly oligarchic media industry was steering society, rather than reflecting it.

Thus, when the internet was demilitarized and the general public started trickling — and then rushing — to use it, there was a widespread hope that we might break free of the tyranny of concentrated, linear programming (in the sense of “what’s on,” and “what it does to you”).

Much of the excitement over Napster wasn’t about getting music for free — it was about the mix-tapification of all music, where your custom playlists would replace the linear album.

Likewise Tivo, whose ad-skipping was ultimately less important than the ability to watch the shows you liked, rather than the shows that were on.

Blogging, too: the promise was that a community of reader-writers could assemble a daily “newsfeed” that reflected their idiosyncratic interests across a variety of sources, surfacing ideas from other places and even other times.

The heady feeling of the time is hard to recall, honestly, but there was a thrill to getting up and reading the news that you chose, listening to a playlist you created, then watching a show you picked.

And while there were those who fretted about the “Daily Me” (what we later came to call the “filter bubble”) the truth was that this kind of active media creation/consumption ranged far more widely than the monopolistic media did.

The real “bubble” wasn’t choosing your own programming — it was everyone turning on their TV on Thursday nights to Friends, Seinfeld and The Simpsons.

The optimism of the era is best summarized in a taxonomy that grouped media into two categories: “lean back” (turn it on and passively consume it) and “lean forward” (steer your media consumption with a series of conscious decisions that explores a vast landscape).

Lean-forward media was intensely sociable: not just because of the distributed conversation that consisted of blog-reblog-reply, but also thanks to user reviews and fannish message-board analysis and recommendations.

I remember the thrill of being in a hotel room years after I’d left my hometown, using Napster to grab rare live recordings of a band I’d grown up seeing in clubs, and striking up a chat with the node’s proprietor that ranged fondly and widely over the shows we’d both seen.

But that sociability was markedly different from the “social” in social media. From the earliest days of Myspace and Facebook, it was clear that this was a sea-change, though it was hard to say exactly what was changing and how.

Around the time Rupert Murdoch bought Myspace, a close friend a blazing argument with a TV executive who insisted that the internet was just a passing fad: that the day would come when all these online kids grew up, got beaten down by work and just wanted to lean back.

To collapse on the sofa and consume media that someone else had programmed for them, anaesthetizing themselves with passive media that didn’t make them think too hard.

This guy was obviously wrong — the internet didn’t disappear — but he was also right about the resurgence of passive, linear media.

But this passive media wasn’t the “must-see TV” of the 80s and 90s.

Rather, it was the passivity of the recommendation algorithm, which created a per-user linear media feed, coupled with mechanisms like “endless scroll” and “autoplay,” that incinerated any trace of an active role for the “consumer” (a very apt term here).

It took me a long time to figure out exactly what I disliked about algorithmic recommendation/autoplay, but I knew I hated it. The reason my 2008 novel LITTLE BROTHER doesn’t have any social media? Wishful thinking. I was hoping it would all die in a fire.

Today, active media is viewed with suspicion, considered synonymous with Qanon-addled boomers who flee Facebook for Parler so they can stan their favorite insurrectionists in peace, freed from the tyranny of the dread shadowban.

But I’m still on team active media. I would rather people actively choose their media diets, in a truly sociable mode of consumption and production, than leaning back and getting fed whatever is served up by the feed.

Today on Wired, Duke public policy scholar Philip M Napoli writes about lean forward and lean back in the context of Trump’s catastrophic failure to launch an independent blog, “From the Desk of Donald J Trump.”

https://www.wired.com/story/opinion-trumps-failed-blog-proves-he-was-just-howling-into-the-void/

In a nutshell, Trump started a blog which he grandiosely characterized as a replacement for the social media monopolists who’d kicked him off their platforms. Within a month, he shut it down.

While Trump claimed the shut-down was all part of the plan, it’s painfully obvious that the real reason was that no one was visiting his website.

Now, there are many possible, non-exclusive explanations for this.

For starters, it was a very bad social media website. It lacked even rudimentary social tools. The Washington Post called it “a primitive one-way loudspeaker,” noting its lack of per-post comments, a decades old commonplace.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/05/21/trump-online-traffic-plunge/

Trump paid (or more likely, stiffed) a grifter crony to build the site for him, and it shows: the “Like” buttons didn’t do anything, the video-sharing buttons created links to nowhere, etc. From the Desk… was cursed at birth.

But Napoli’s argument is that even if Trump had built a good blog, it would have failed. Trump has a highly motivated cult of tens of millions of people — people who deliberately risked death to follow him, some even ingesting fish-tank cleaner and bleach at his urging.

The fact that these cult-members were willing to risk their lives, but not endure poor web design, says a lot about the nature of the Trump cult, and its relationship to passive media.

The Trump cult is a “push media” cult, simultaneously completely committed to Trump but unwilling to do much to follow him.

That’s the common thread between Fox News (and its successors like OANN) and MAGA Facebook.

And it echoes the despairing testimony of the children of Fox cultists, that their boomer parents consume endless linear TV, turning on Fox from the moment they arise and leaving it on until they fall asleep in front of it (also, reportedly, how Trump spent his presidency).

Napoli says that Trump’s success on monopoly social media platforms and his failure as a blogger reveals the role that algorithmically derived, per-user, endless scroll linear media played in the ascendancy of his views.

It makes me think of that TV exec and his prediction of the internet’s imminent disappearance (which, come to think of it, is not so far off from my own wishful thinking about social media’s disappearance in Little Brother).

He was absolutely right that this century has left so many of us exhausted, wanting nothing more than the numbness of lean-back, linear feeds.

But up against that is another phenomenon: the resurgence of active political movements.

After a 12-month period that saw widescale civil unrest, from last summer’s BLM uprising to the bizarre storming of the capital, you can’t really call this the golden age of passivity.

While Fox and OANN consumption might be the passive daily round of one of Idoru’s “vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organisms craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed,” that is in no way true of Qanon.

Qanon is an active pastime, a form of collaborative storytelling with all the mechanics of the Alternate Reality Games that the lean-forward media advocates who came out of the blogging era love so fiercely:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/08/06/no-vitiated-air/#other-hon

Meanwhile, the “clicktivism” that progressive cynics decried as useless performance a decade ago has become an active contact sport, welding together global movements from Occupy to BLM that use the digital to organize the highly physical.

That’s the paradox of lean-forward and lean-back: sometimes, the things you learn while leaning back make you lean forward — in fact, they might just get you off the couch altogether.

I think that Napoli is onto something. The fact that Trump’s cultists didn’t follow him to his crummy blog tells us that Trump was an effect, not a cause (something many of us suspected all along, as he’s clearly neither bright nor competent enough to inspire a movement).

But the fact that “cyberspace keeps everting” (to paraphrase “Spook Country,” another William Gibson novel) tells us that passive media consumption isn’t a guarantee of passivity in the rest of your life (and sometimes, it’s a guarantee of the opposite).

And it clarifies the role that social media plays in our discourse — not so much a “radicalizer” as a means to corral likeminded people together without them having to do much. Within those groups are those who are poised for action, or who can be moved to it.

The ease with which these people find one another doesn’t produce a deterministic outcome. Sometimes, the feed satisfies your urge for change (“clicktivism”). Sometimes, it fuels it (“radicalizing”).

Notwithstanding smug media execs, the digital realm equips us to “express our mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire” by doing much more than “changing the channels on a universal remote” — for better and for worse.

Image: Ian Burt (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/oddsock/267206444

CC BY: https://creativecommo

ns.org/licenses/by/2.0/

[hopetofantasy]

Translated interview with Willem De Schryver

Also on my website: Behind wtFOCK - link in comments

The young stars of Streamz series 'Déjà-vu': 'You learn more on the internet than at school'

‘Déjà-vu’ is the name of the latest Flemish fiction series that’s rolling off the production line of ‘Streamz’. In addition to the traditional list of actors' names, Xenia Borremans (21) and Willem De Schryver (19) are featured as fresh blood in the credits. Two newcomers who shamelessly rival the established values.

Calling Willem De Schryver a newcomer is really failing the truth. He has more than 50,000 followers on Instagram and cannot cross the Ghent Korenmarkt without posing for a selfie. It’s the fault of ‘wtFOCK’, a youth series that mainly takes place online and is extremely popular with all those who saw the light of day after 2000. The chance that you’ve seen Xenia Borremans in action, is much smaller. Her only claim to fame for time being, is the horror short ‘De vijver’. And ofcourse, there’s her family name. Xenia is the only daughter of artist Michaël Borremans, but really wants to make a name for herself now.

How did you get into acting? Borremans: “Ever since I was a child, I wanted to act. There are piles of videos at home in which I try to recreate scenes from old films like ‘Some Like it Hot’. I also acted for ten years at ‘Kopergietery’ (children's theater company in Ghent). Acting was a dream, but I didn't dare to hope for that too much. There was always that little voice in the back of my mind that said, "You don’t only need talent but a lot of luck to make it." That was evident when I started to participate in castings. I often cried when I didn’t get a role.

I didn't dare to hope too much for ‘Déjà-vu’ either. Actually, I had no intention of auditioning at all. For fear of being rejected again. In the end, it’s my mom who pushed me to try. When they called me to say I had the part, it came as a complete surprise.”

De Schryver: “I can recognize myself in that story. I too was always performing plays at home. I did ‘Diction’ on Wednesday afternoons, but that wasn’t more than a hobby. When I no longer felt at home at school in secondary school, I took the step to go to the ‘Lemmensinstuut’ in Leuven. That was a revelation. Suddenly, I was allowed to be involved in theater day in, day out. I was happy to get up in the morning, when before, I often came home crying because I really didn't want to go to school anymore. It was obvious that after secondary school I would take the step to theater education at the ‘KASK’.” Borremans: “I also took the entrance exam at the ‘KASK’, but I wasn’t admitted. Maybe I'll try again next year. But maybe not. I’m not convinced that such an education is necessary. There are plenty of examples of actors and actresses who also made it without a diploma.” De Schryver: “In the classes I’m taking now, there isn’t only attention for acting, but also for making plays. I get building blocks to get started in the future. But, just like Xenia, I’m convinced that it can also be done without it.”

In ‘Déjà-vu’ you play the ideal son and the rebellious adolescent daughter, respectively. How deep did you have to dig for that role? De Schryver: “The role of Max is pretty close to my own personality, so that wasn’t too bad. I only had to practice playing hockey. (laughs) Although as far as I’m concerned, a role does not necessarily have to be written for me. For example, in ‘wtFOCK’ I play a bipolar, gay boy. That’s difficult and I had to do a lot of research for it. But when - like recently - you’re approached on the street by a boy who tells me that through my role he had learned to live with his own bipolarity, then the satisfaction is all the greater. ” Borremans: “I recognized myself super hard in Louise's character. I have done quite a lot of rebellion in my puberty years and just like Louise - who has a mother who makes a living as a radio host - I can be bothered too by the fact that one of my parents is famous.”

In what sense? Borremans: “I’m very proud of my dad, that's not the point. We have a very good relationship. He's my best friend. For real. But my family name isn’t always a gift. Many times in the past people have tried to contact me with the sole intention of getting closer to him. Even people I thought were friends, turned out to be solely interested in me because they were fans of my father's work. I also noticed that some teachers marked my grades more strictly just because I was ‘the daughter of’.” Did that influence you to choose acting and not, for example, drawing? Borremans: “I did drawing. In ‘Sint-Lucas’, just like my father. He did push me a bit in that direction. But I stopped when all the lessons suddenly had to be online due to corona. Dad thinks it's important to get a diploma. I attach less importance to that. I prefer to figure things out on my own. If you have the discipline to do self-study, then that’s in my opinion as valuable as any education. I’ve already learned a lot more on the internet than in school. My mom is part of that story, daddy still has some work to do in that aspect.”

You both had a supporting role on the set of ‘Déjà-vu’. How much pressure did it cause? De Schryver: “I did lie awake at night. Although it had a lot to do with the beginning of the shooting period, when I overslept. I cried when I arrived on the set. Such a gigantic production and it gets delayed, because a rookie like me, is late. In the end we hardly lost any time, but the nights after, I was wide awake in my bed waiting for the alarm to go off.” Borremans: “Willem arrived on the set, crying, but was professional enough to put himself in the shoes of Max a few minutes later. Pretty impressive.” De Schryver: “There really was no time to lose. The makeup artist just had about enough time to get rid of my red eyes, but that was it.” Borremans: “I’ve experienced something similar. During the shooting period, I met with a friend who turned out to have corona. Panic, of course. In the end, the shooting stopped for a week as a precaution. There were some tears then. You have a first major role and then something like that happens. Fortunately, it was handled very well on the set. Everyone came to tell me that it could’ve happened to them too.”

The corona crisis has been defining our lives for over a year now. How do you deal with this? De Schryver: “The first weeks, I didn't mind the lockdown. It gave me a chance to catch my breath. By the way, I still don't miss going out that much. Although that also has to do with ‘wtFOCK’. That show has a very fanatic fan base. And you notice. In any case, going out to a bar with friends was no longer possible without being approached or posing for selfies. When people have been drinking, a number of inhibitions also disappear. As soon as they recognize you, they’ll immediately hang onto you. It made me prefer to stay in the room even before the lockdown.” Borremans: “I’m now 21 years old. This may sound strange, but I’m kinda done with nightlife. Of course, I also want to be able to go out again and see people, but I notice that it’s more difficult for those who are younger. I get bored sometimes. But that also has its positive sides. It makes you do creative things. For example, I started to design and make clothes. Without the lockdown, that would’ve never occurred to me. I never read books either, now I do. Although, I would like for it to gradually return to normal. " De Schryver: “I mainly suffer from touch starvation. Actually hug people. I really miss that. But just like Xenia, I also think this is an interesting period. It makes you think. About yourself, about where you want to go in life.”

The Covid crisis also makes painfully clear how vulnerable creative professions are. Did that change your plans for the future? Borremans: “I was already looking for a plan B before this whole situation. Acting is and remains the big dream. But there are no guarantees. I’ll continue to go for it anyway, but I realize that I cannot assume that I’ll succeed in making acting my livelihood.” De Schryver: “We shouldn't be shy about that: the acting world is a tough world with a lot of competition. It’ll not be easy to make it and I know that there are still difficult moments to come. But I do not intend to suddenly follow other classes just to have something as a back-up. The corona crisis has made me realize even more how important acting is to me. I could never completely push it aside. This’s what I was made for. I just feel that.” Déjà-vu can be seen on Streamz. The series will be released on Play4 later this year.

[coolnerdyandalone]

on FIMQ deleting her content and COVID-19 (and a gratuitous larry fic rec)

@freddiesmyqueen first of all queen i hope you’re doing ok although i know some shit must have gone down for you to delete/private list all your videos and i hope you know that the larry community supports you always. Also your talent is TRULY unmatched in the world of video editing - no one makes edits quite like you and that’s why your loss impacts the community so profoundly. 

secondly, i know at least i was hoping to turn to rewatching all of FIMQ’s videos while i’m being quarantined due to the coronavirus. and i’m willing to bet that i’m not the only one. this is a scary time and for people like me who feel profoundly alone right now, the only way for me to calm my nerves and fears is by reverting to the content and community that helped me feel not so alone when i was in middle and high school. For me, that looks like watching FIMQ videos and reading my favorite larry fanfics (which i will also link below).  because of this i thought it might be helpful to repost some links that were posted by @bluemoonlarryandkaylor for a signal boost (if my teeny-tiny account can be called a signal boost). 

link to a google drive with FIMQ videos: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1ONwfLOd_IYvAL5OUDqDb_LLgQsDpd9il

link to an acct with some FIMQ re-uploads: https://www.youtube.com/user/Joana3961/videos

link to FIMQ vids with spanish subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIouodFhArMkQhOHxv2t2NgxTwl6KvXAT

and now if you want to look at some good old fashioned larry fics that are my ABSOLUTE faves and could 100% be actual novels/movies, keep reading:

And Then A Bit** by @infinitelymint aka the best fanfic ever written (basically larry fakes a relationship for publicity with each other and it could be cannon if you really wanted to hope upon hopes): https://archiveofourown.org/works/1415272/chapters/2972746 (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

Escapade** by @haydolce aka the Jack McQueen fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4034197/chapters/9071932 (146k)

In the grand scheme of things, finding a date for a wedding should be no problem for Louis Tomlinson. He's rich. He's handsome. He's reasonably well behaved. But when the wedding is for his lifelong best friend (and former boyfriend), and is happening in under a month, finding a date for the ceremony and accompanying festivities becomes more of an adventure than he ever could have planned for.

California Sold** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5157680/chapters/11877494 (123k)

Notoriously closeted boyband member Harry Styles is famous on a global scale, meanwhile Louis, as his best friend, is back home in Manchester, living the typical life of a 24 year old. When Harry needs Louis with him in LA, a publicity stunt gone wrong changes their friendship forever.

A fake-relationship AU between two lifelong best friends.

Bring Your Body Baby (I Could Bring You Fame) by @theboyfriendstagram : https://archiveofourown.org/works/4263903/chapters/9652944 (84k)

Eighteen year old Harry Styles just graduated high school and landed a summer job as a waterboy for his favorite football team. His job description is simple: be ready to hand water and towels to players if needed. That didn’t seem to include Louis Tomlinson though, a twenty-three year old, recently transferred Paris Saint-German player, who seems to like making Harry’s job much more difficult than it has to be.

OR  

A self-indulgent AU that takes place over the summer of 2015. 18 year old Harry hates pining after people he can't have, and 23 year old footballer Louis loves flirting with people even though it never means anything.

Pull Me Under** by @zarah5 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/870766/chapters/1672104 (140k)

AU. As the first British footballer to come out at the prime of his career, it helps that Louis Tomlinson is in a long-term, committed relationship. Even if that relationship is fake. (Featuring Niall as Louis' favourite teammate, Liam as Louis' agent, and Zayn as Liam's boyfriend, who just happens to be good friends with one Harry Styles.) 

You You You** by @isthatyoularry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/846690/chapters/1617212 (137k)

“Infamous boybander leaves club together with unknown,” read the headline. Underneath were pictures of a boy with dark curls, green eyes and very tight pants. They both studied the article for a moment, reading it through quickly. “Is that…?” Louis frowned. That guy almost looked exactly like... "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" "Louis," Niall said, looking absolutely fucked over. "You just fucked the most wanted guy on earth. You just fucked Harry Styles of One Direction."

Or, the one where Harry and Louis meet at a club and Louis takes Harry home, only for him to realize that the boy who just made him breakfast half naked is Harry Styles from One Direction.

Like an Endless Summer by @horsegirlharry : https://archiveofourown.org/works/11365494/chapters/25442085 (87k)

“You just wanna go fawn over Styles as soon as possible,” Zayn grumbles.

“I do not. Plus, he probably got ugly this year. Eighteen is an awkward time...I bet he’s got acne and one of those terrible fuckboy haircuts all the hipsters are getting these days, with the shaved sides? Just watch, the first year we’re gonna get any time together is gonna be the first year I don’t have a stupid crush on him.”

---

Or, Louis is a riding instructor at a summer camp, and Harry is a fellow counselor who he’s been successfully managing his crush on for the last two summers. That is, until Harry shows up this year leveled up and lethal, and all Louis’s formerly perfected veneer of nonchalance melts like a popsicle in the sun.

Three French Hems by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3064493 (20k)

In which Louis is a designer at Burberry and Harry spends December wearing Lanvin… and Lanvin… and Lanvin.

The Dead of July aka the Marvel Fic by @whimsicule  : https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594570/chapters/7928520 (117k)

Being an Avenger means continuing to be Captain America and smiling and being honorable for the public and Harry does his best. But it doesn’t give him time to figure out who he is supposed to be once he takes off his uniform and puts the shield to the side. Just being Harry had always involved Louis, and Harry fears he doesn’t know how to exist without him.

or: Harry is Captain America, and Louis’ been dead for 70 years.

Gods & Monsters by  @mizzwilde : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2090982/chapters/4550871 (201k)

The instructions were simple: seduce and destroy Harry Styles. Not once did they discuss the option of Louis actually falling in love. So, naturally, that's exactly what he did.

Love is a Rebellious Bird aka LIARB aka the orchestra fic aka dont hum bolero by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1162438/chapters/2362331 (135k)

AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

My English Love Affair** by @isthatyoularry​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/1873962 (19k)

The thing about sleeping with a member of a famous indie band is that the inevitability of having a song written about you is most likely a hundred percent. The second thing is that in the end, nobody's supposed to find out it's about you.

The one where Harry writes a song about his English love affair and Louis sleeps with someone in White Eskimo and all he gets is a stupid song written about him.

Soft Hands, Fast Feet, Can’t Lose by @haydolce : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5799241/chapters/13366498 (113k)

American Uni AU. Harry Styles is a frat boy football star from the wealthy Styles Family athletic dynasty. A celebrity among football fans, he knows how to play, he knows how to party, and he knows how to fuck (all of which is well known among his legion of admirers).

Louis Tomlinson is a student and an athlete, but his similarities to Harry end there. Intelligent, focused, independent, and completely uninterested in Harry’s charms, Louis is an anomaly in a world ruled by football.

A bet about the pair, who might be more similar than they originally thought, brings them together. Shakespeare, ballet, Disney, football, library chats, running, accidental spooning, Daredevil and Domino’s Pizza all blend into one big friendship Frappucino, but who will win in the end?

Wild and Unruly aka the Cowboy fic by @100percentsassy and @gloriaandrews : https://archiveofourown.org/works/2723093/chapters/6099611 (124k)

Harry is a cowboy sitting on the biggest oil reservoir in Wyoming, and Louis is the paralegal assigned to pressure him into selling his land.

For As Long As I Can Remember (It’s Been December)** by @greenfeelings​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/15051122/chapters/34892210 (128k)

After recovering from a severe accident that causes Harry to lose his memory of three years, he moves to London to start his life over as a star chef. Little does he know that when he falls in love with Louis at first sight, it’s not the first time they meet.

Featuring an unintentional game of hot and cold, Harry chasing memories that won’t come back, Louis burying himself in work to try and forget what he can’t forget, Liam being torn between two of his best friends, Zayn as a moral compass and Niall saving the day with good music and brutal honesty.

the boys of fall** aka the american football fic by @godgavemelou​ : https://archiveofourown.org/works/5443037 (21k)

“And everyone, this is Harry Styles. He’s going to be our starting quarterback this year.”

Louis looks at him, the tall and lanky Harry Styles, and takes it all in. He’s got hair to his shoulders that curls at the ends, tattoos all down his arms, and a bright smile on his face as the team cheers him on. He’s lean and fit, and absolutely beautiful, and Louis hates him to the core.

OR an american football au where the boys play for the university of tennessee, and harry and louis quite hate each other.

** indicates that the fic is a log-in required fic, but if you want the pdf i can send it to you

[theorangestar]

So Skyward Sword!

Overall, I really liked it! The world is so beautiful to look at. Each area is so colorful and bright (with the exception of the Lanayru Mining Facility, but that changes when you use the timeshift stones). I enjoyed all the characters, and I liked all the different tools needed to solve puzzles and obstacles. The story was beautiful. Link’s smile is the best thing in the world. Groose’s character development, Sweet Hylia! Zelda’s genuine care for Link and Impa, and even Groose by the end. I love how the Gorons are scholars in this game, that’s so refreshing. Kikwis and the little robots are soooo cute. I teared up saying goodbye to Fi. THE MUSIC!!!

There are a few things that bugged me though. There’s a lot of “Your princess is in another castle!” stuff going on chasing Zelda. It was mentally exhausting constantly going back and forth from each section of the map back to Skyloft, back to another section, back to Skyloft, etc etc. It does feel sometimes like the story keeps stopping and starting because you have to keep restocking potions or find a Goddess Chest or fulfill a side quest every time you go to Skyloft. Also, I kept getting dragged everywhere for all these little pieces to find. Find Zelda. Find the three sacred fires. Find all these missing song pieces. No, we won’t actually answer any questions directly, why would we do that? There was a point I completely forgot my goal of finding the location of the Triforce. Like, you’re so focused on finding the pieces you lose focus as to why you need them in the first place. Also, time travel is confusing. Is this a time loop? Did we actually change history? I’m still not sure. Please, no more time travel. It’s too complicated and no one is consistent with their rules.

AND OF COURSE, the same thing I’ve been complaining about since the beginning, the motion controls. I was partially right in my very first post, in that a lot of it is something you just get used to. Yes, you do frequently have to “Reset Gyro” to get them working right, but it’s not usually too much of a problem. Flying got way better the more I did it. The biggest problems I had were with the bow & arrow and Skyward Strike. I felt like the bow & arrow shifted when you needed it most (the gust bellows did this to me a lot too, but rarely was it a time sensitive issue). And I always need to reset before a Skyward Strike. This wasn’t a problem when finding Goddess Cubes or sacred symbols or whatever. But when you have to rely on it in a boss battle, this gets super frustrating super fast. Granted, there are only two boss battles you need the Skyward Strike for, but it’s so exhausting. You really work up a sweat with those battles. And that last battle with Demise is a Doozy because of that Skyward Strike (don’t get me started on the fatal blow thing, just don’t). It took me two days to beat him (that’s probably  more of a sign of how bad I am at video games than anything else) but my arm was really in pain by the end, and even the next day my shoulder is still sore. I don’t know if anyone else had the problem or if I just suck, but it did make it hard to bask in the glory when I finally did beat him.

But would I play this game again? Absolutely! But next time, I think I’ll try using the normal controllers instead of the motion controls. Will it be easier? I don’t know, but it will at least be less painful.

Other things to note:

- I was right about Karane and Pipit, I was right! >:D I did look up online about the toilet ghost choice after I gave Cawlin’s letter to Karane, and I’m glad I didn’t. As funny as the toilet ghost falling in love with Cawlin is, I’d feel bad for cursing him with nightmares forever, even if I don’t like him.

- So apparently the remlits aren’t evil? I only found this out after I finished the game, because according to the internet, it’s finishing the Batreaux side quest that stops the evil influence, but since finishing that quest was the last thing I did before I went to get the Triforce, I didn’t see the remlits become good again.

- I gave Fledge his self-esteem!! Mission accomplished!!... And then he uses that self-esteem to scam me out of money with that pumpkin shot game with that dreaded bow & arrow, and then passive-aggressively criticize my marksmanship. Excuse you, I made you!!

- UNPOPULAR OPINION!!! I kind of ship Link with Peatrice. I think her crush on him is really cute, but he’s just a little dense to get it. (Also her dad is a little creepy to me. Just a little). Of course, Link and Zelda in this game are clearly meant to be, and they absolutely love each other, but Peatrice is still cute, and she never used me as a tool against a god of evil. So you know, she’s got that going for her.

- In the end credits, we do get to see snippets from Zelda’s part of the journey. No dialogue, but it was really nice to see. She looks so nervous and scared, but also determined, carrying her harp into the wilderness. But seriously, did Old Lady Impa not think to give her a weapon of some kind on her journey? The girl’s all alone and Ghirahim is after her, some means of defense would have been appreciated, I’m sure!

- Zelda’s loftwing just abandons her, by the way. We see it fall with her below the clouds, but it doesn’t come back until the after credit scene. Coward.

- Speaking of the loftwings, I was surprised at how under utilized they are. In the beginning, they talk about how loftwings are the other half of your soul, and how important your bond is with your loftwing, but after Zelda falls through the clouds, the loftwings are basically just glorified horses. They don’t hold any weight within the story. There’s lots of bird statues and engravings EVERYWHERE, so culturally they did hold importance even before the war, but they have no direct influence on the story except as transportation. Missed opportunity.

- The Lanayru Desert fascinates me. It’s never explained how the timeshift stones actually power things, but it’s such a cool game mechanic to hit a stone and suddenly you’re in the past. It also makes me wonder what happened between the war and Link and Zelda’s era. How long was it between these two places in time, because it would take a lot of time and some major events to change a grassland and a sea into a desert. And this means all those little robots are still there after all this time, it just makes me so sad! :’( I really want to know all that history of what was before the war and the time between the war and Link and Zelda. Also, the Lanayru dungeons have that same piano tinkle as when you chase Vah Rudania with Yunobo in BOTW, and that music. Stresses. Me. Out.

- So of all the different species and peoples of Hyrule, the only ones that survive through all 10,000+ years of the timeline are the Hylians, Sheikah (I’m not sure if they count as a separate species from hylians, or they’re just a different tribe), and the Gorons. The kikwis, the mogma, the robots, and the parellas never show up in any other game, so I guess they all just died out before the next Hero rises. That’s really sad!! (I don’t know if the parellas eventually evolve into zora, but the rest are still sad).

- The Imprisoned looked so much scarier in Link’s vision. But when he first emerges and he has no arms, he lost all that intimidation. Even when he grew arms and started flying, he wasn’t that scary. A pain in the butt to deal with all three times, but not scary. Then we just dropped a building on him Wizard of Oz style. Wow, Demise, you suck. If it wasn’t for Ghirahim’s stupid dance ritual, he really wouldn’t have been a threat.

So yeah, there are my thoughts!

[qqueenofhades]

Could you expand a bit on the "death of expertise"? It's something I think about A LOT as an artist, because there are so many problems with people who think it isn't a real job, and the severe undercutting of prices that happens because people think hobbyists and professionals are the same. At the same time, I also really want people to feel free to be able to make art if they want, with no gatekeeping or elitism, and I usually spin myself in circles mentally thinking about it. So.

I have been secretly hoping someone would ask this question, nonny. Bless you. I have a lot (a LOT) of thoughts on this topic, which I will try to keep somewhat concise and presented in a semi-organized fashion, but yes.

I can mostly speak about this in regard to academia, especially the bad, bad, BAD takes in my field (history) that have dominated the news in recent weeks and which constitute most of the recent posts on my blog. (I know, I know, Old Man Yells At Cloud when attempting to educate the internet on actual history, but I gotta do SOMETHING.) But this isn’t a new phenemenon, and is linked to the avalanche of “fake news” that we’ve all heard about and experienced in the last few years, especially in the run-up and then after the election of You Know Who, who has made fake news his personal brand (if not in the way he thinks). It also has to do with the way Americans persistently misunderstand the concept of free speech as “I should be able to say whatever I want and nobody can correct or criticize me,” which ties into the poisonous extreme-libertarian ethos of “I can do what I want with no regard for others and nobody can correct me,” which has seeped its way into the American mainstream and is basically the center of the modern Republican party. (Basically: all for me, all the time, and caring about others is a weak liberal pussy thing to do.)

This, however, is not just an issue of partisan politics, because the left is just as guilty, even if its efforts take a different shape. One of the reason I got so utterly exasperated with strident online leftists, especially around primary season and the hardcore breed of Bernie Bros, is just that they don’t do anything except shout loud and incorrect information on the internet (and then transmogrify that into a twisted ideology of moral purity which makes a sin out of actually voting for a flawed candidate, even if the alternative is Donald Goddamn Trump). I can’t count how many people from both sides of the right/left divide get their political information from like-minded people on social media, and never bother to experience or verify or venture outside their comforting bubbles that will only provide them with “facts” that they already know. Social media has done a lot of good things, sure, but it’s also made it unprecedently easy to just say whatever insane bullshit you want, have it go viral, and then have you treated as an authority on the topic or someone whose voice “has to be included” out of some absurd principle of both-siderism. This is also a tenet of the mainstream corporate media: “both sides” have to be included, to create the illusion of “objectivity,” and to keep the largest number of paying subscribers happy. (Yes, of course this has deep, deep roots in the collapse of late-stage capitalism.) Even if one side is absolutely batshit crazy, the rules of this distorted social contract stipulate that their proposals and their flaws have to be treated as equal with the others, and if you point out that they are batshit crazy, you have to qualify with some criticism of the other side.

This is where you get white people posting “Neo-Nazis and Black Lives Matter are the same!!!1” on facebook. They are a) often racist, let’s be real, and b) have been force-fed a constant narrative where Both Sides Are Equally Bad. Even if one is a historical system of violent oppression that has made a good go at total racial and ethnic genocide and rests on hatred, and the other is the response to not just that but the centuries of systemic and small-scale racism that has been built up every day, the white people of the world insist on treating them as morally equivalent (related to a superior notion that Violence is Always Bad, which.... uh... have you even seen constant and overwhelming state-sponsored violence the West dishes out? But it’s only bad when the other side does it. Especially if those people can be at all labeled “fanatics.”)

I have complained many, many times, and will probably complain many times more, about how hard it is to deconstruct people’s absolutely ingrained ideas of history and the past. History is a very fragile thing; it’s really only equivalent to the length of a human lifespan, and sometimes not even that. It’s what people want to remember and what is convenient for them to remember, which is why we still have some living Holocaust survivors and yet a growing movement of Holocaust denial, among other extremist conspiracy theories (9/11, Sandy Hook, chemtrails, flat-earthing, etc etc). There is likewise no organized effort to teach honest history in Western public schools, not least since the West likes its self-appointed role as guardians of freedom and liberty and democracy in the world and doesn’t really want anyone digging into all that messy slavery and genocide and imperialism and colonialism business. As a result, you have deliberately under- or un-educated citizens, who have had a couple of courses on American/British/etc history in grade school focusing on the greatest-hit reel, and all from an overwhelmingly triumphalist white perspective. You have to like history, from what you get out of it in public school, to want to go on to study it as a career, while knowing that there are few jobs available, universities are cutting or shuttering humanities departments, and you’ll never make much money. There is... not a whole lot of outside incentive there.

I’ve written before about how the humanities are always the first targeted, and the first defunded, and the first to be labeled as “worthless degrees,” because a) they are less valuable to late-stage capitalism and its emphasis on Material Production, and b) they often focus on teaching students the critical thinking skills that critique and challenge that dominant system. There’s a reason that there is a stereotype of artists as social revolutionaries: they have often taken a look around, gone, “Hey, what the hell is this?” and tried to do something about it, because the creative and free-thinking impulse helps to cultivate the tools necessary to question what has become received and dominant wisdom. Of course, that can then be taken too far into the “I’ll create my own reality and reject absolutely everything that doesn’t fit that narrative,” and we end up at something like the current death of expertise.

This year is particularly fertile for these kinds of misinformation efforts: a plague without a vaccine or a known cure, an election year in a turbulently polarized country, race unrest in a deeply racist country spreading to other racist countries around the world and the challenging of a particularly important system (white supremacy), etc etc. People are scared and defensive and reactive, and in that case, they’re especially less motivated to challenge or want to encounter information that scares them. They need their pre-set beliefs to comfort them or provide steadiness in a rocky and uncertain world, and (thanks once again to social media) it’s easy to launch blistering ad hominem attacks on people who disagree with you, who are categorized as a faceless evil mass and who you will never have to meet or negotiate with in real life. This is the environment in which all the world’s distinguished scientists, who have spent decades studying infectious diseases, have to fight for airtime and authority (and often lose) over random conspiracy theorists who make a YouTube video. The public has been trained to see them as “both the same” and then accept which side they like the best, regardless of actual factual or real-world qualifications. They just assume the maniac on YouTube is just as trustworthy as the scientists with PhDs from real universities.

Obviously, academia is racist, elitist, classist, sexist, on and on. Most human institutions are. But training people to see all academics as the enemy is not the answer. You’ve seen the Online Left (tm) also do this constantly, where they attack “the establishment” for never talking about anything, or academics for supposedly erasing and covering up all of non-white history, while apparently never bothering to open a book or familiarize themselves with a single piece of research that actual historians are working on. You may have noticed that historians have been leading the charge against the “don’t erase history!!!1″ defenders of racist monuments, and explaining in stinging detail exactly why this is neither preserving history or being truthful about it. Tumblr likes to confuse the mechanism that has created the history and the people who are studying and analyzing that history, and lump them together as one mass of Evil And Lying To You. Academics are here because we want to critically examine the world and tell you things about it that our nonsense system has required years and years of effort, thousands of dollars in tuition, and other gatekeeping barriers to learn. You can just ask one of us. We’re here, we usually love to talk, and we’re a lot cheaper. I think that’s pretty cool.

As a historian, I have been trained in a certain skill set: finding, reading, analyzing, using, and criticizing primary sources, ditto for secondary sources, academic form and style, technical skills like languages, paleography, presentation, familiarity with the professional mechanisms for reviewing and sharing work (journals, conferences, peer review, etc), and how to assemble this all into an extended piece of work and to use it in conversation with other historians. That means my expertise in history outweighs some rando who rolls up with an unsourced or misleading Twitter thread. If a professor has been handed a carefully crafted essay and then a piece of paper scribbled with crayon, she is not obliged to treat them as essentially the same or having the same critical weight, even if the essay has flaws. One has made an effort to follow the rules of the game, and the other is... well, I did read a few like that when teaching undergraduates. They did not get the same grade.

This also means that my expertise is not universal. I might know something about adjacent subjects that I’ve also studied, like political science or English or whatever, but someone who is a career academic with a degree directly in that field will know more than me. I should listen to them, even if I should retain my independent ability and critical thinking skillset. And I definitely should not be listened to over people whose field of expertise is in a completely different realm. Take the recent rocket launch, for example. I’m guessing that nobody thought some bum who walked in off the street to Kennedy Space Center should be listened to in preference of the actual scientists with degrees and experience at NASA and knowledge of math and orbital mechanics and whatever else you need to get a rocket into orbit. I definitely can’t speak on that and I wouldn’t do it anyway, so it’s frustrating to see it happen with history. Everybody “knows” things about history that inevitably turn out to be wildly wrong, and seem to assume that they can do the same kind of job or state their conclusions with just as much authority. (Nobody seems to listen to the scientists on global warming or coronavirus either, because their information is actively inconvenient for our entrenched way of life and people don’t want to change.) Once again, my point here is not to be a snobbish elitist looking down at The Little People, but to remark that if there’s someone in a field who has, you know, actually studied that subject and is speaking from that place of authority, maybe we can do better than “well, I saw a YouTube video and liked it better, so there.” (Americans hate authority and don’t trust smart people, which  is a related problem and goes back far beyond Trump, but there you are.)

As for art: it’s funny how people devalue it constantly until they need it to survive. Ask anyone how they spent their time in lockdown. Did they listen to music? Did they watch movies or TV? Did they read a book? Did they look at photography or pictures? Did they try to learn a skill, like drawing or writing or painting, and realize it was hard? Did they have a preference for the art that was better, more professionally produced, had more awareness of the rules of its craft, and therefore was more enjoyable to consume? If anyone wants to tell anyone that art is worthless, I invite you to challenge them on the spot to go without all of the above items during the (inevitable, at this rate) second coronavirus lockdown. No music. No films. No books. Not even a video or a meme or anything else that has been made for fun, for creativity, or anything outside the basic demands of Compensated Economic Production. It’s then that you’ll discover that, just as with the underpaid essential workers who suffered the most, we know these jobs need to get done. We just still don’t want to pay anyone fairly for doing them, due to our twisted late-capitalist idea of “value.”

Anyway, since this has gotten long enough and I should probably wrap up: as you say, the difference between “professional” and “hobbyist” has been almost completely erased, so that people think the opinion of one is as good as the other, or in your case, that the hobbyist should present their work for free or refuse to be seen as a professional entitled to fair compensation for their skill. That has larger and more insidious effects in a global marketplace of ideas that has been almost entirely reduced to who can say their opinion the loudest to the largest group of people. I don’t know how to solve this problem, but at least I can try to point it out and to avoid being part of it, and to recognize where I need to speak and where I need to shut up. My job, and that of every single white person in America right now, is to shut up and let black people (and Native people, and Latinx people, and Muslim people, and etc...) tell me what it’s really like to live here with that identity. I have obviously done a ton of research on the subject and consider myself reasonably educated, but here’s the thing: my expertise still doesn’t outweigh theirs, no matter what degrees they have or don’t have. I then am required to boost their ideas, views, experiences, and needs, rather than writing them over or erasing them, and to try to explain to people how the roots of these ideas interlock and interact where I can. That is -- hopefully -- putting my history expertise to use in a good way to support what they’re saying, rather than silence it. I try, at any rate, and I am constantly conscious of learning to do better.

I hope that was helpful for you. Thanks for letting me talk about it.

[ralexsol]

On the Subject of Underverse S2

You read that correctly: this is a post about one of the greatest shows ever created, the Undertale animated series Underverse, written/animated by @jakei95​. I have a lot of theories that I’ve been pulling together ever since I watched both Underverse and Xtale (the Underverse prequel series). Maybe one or two have no basis in anything, but for some reason they popped into my head and I’ll stick by them until they’re proven incorrect. I will discuss the possibility of a Geno/Ink fight, Fresh!Ink, XI (you’ll definitely want to read their section!), and the fates of many different characters. This is quite the long post, so buckle up for a long ride.

Let’s begin!

GENO/INK FIGHT:

I’m putting this theory first because it is the least important. At some point in time, I somehow got it into my head that there is supposedly going to be a fight between Geno and Ink. I have no idea where I heard about this, and when I searched for any specific videos or posts about the subject, I found nothing. But I personally think a fight scene between Geno and Ink would be pretty cool, so I’m adding this in here.

FRESK!INK’S EXISTANCE:

This is a more relevant theory. Ever since Jakei announced that Fresh!Ink would be a part of Underverse, I have wondered how he would be incorporated. I don’t know if she means for him to be in the future “Beach Episode” or something more serious. (Of course, I know almost nothing about this supposed “Beach Episode”, which is apparently when Epic!Sans will be showing up, so I really wouldn’t know.) But there is an important thing to remember: Ink and Fresh made a deal in the first season.

Ever since I saw this Underverse - Xtra Scene 2, I have wondered what this “prize” could possibly be. What was Ink’s side of the deal? What did he promise Fresh? Hmm... maybe a new body to take over?

Ink’s body doesn’t have a SOUL- that’s basic “Undertale AU Knowledge 101″. What does this have to do in regards to Fresh? To my best knowledge, the actual parasitic creature True!Fresh feeds off the souls of other creatures to survive. In fact, his soul-feeding would kill his victims if he stayed long enough in one body, but he likes to play it safe and leave his victims alive in case he needs to use their body again. But he wouldn’t need to do this with Ink. Because of Ink’s SOULless nature, Fresh could theoretically feed off his body forever. Some might object that since Ink doesn’t have a SOUL, Fresh wouldn’t be able to feed off him. But then how does Fresh!Ink exist?

So, what was their deal? Fresh watches over the Xtale AU while Ink is gone, and after Cross and X!Chara are taken care of, Ink comes back and lets Fresh take over his body for a little while. There may be something else I’m missing, but the pieces seem to make sense.

XI’S PURPOSE:

For those of you who don’t know who XI is, I suggest you watch this video about Jakei’s Overwrite merch. This is when the character of XI was introduced to us, back on good ol’ April 1st, 2019. Haha, yes, the joke character of XI- funny April Fool’s Day video, a good laugh for everyone. Jakei has made a few comics about XI since then, but overall, XI hasn’t been involved in Xtale or Underverse so far. That has never sat right with me, and I’ve always thought there would be something more to him. I was proven absolutely correct when Xtale - The Movie came out. But before we discuss the little extra scene tagged onto the end of that video, I would like to point out some very interesting facts about XI.

On October 6th, 2019, Jakei posted a traditional speedart. Obviously, the art is gorgeous like always and every time I watch it I wonder if I will ever get to the level of skill she is at. But besides that, there is a very important aspect about this video. In the speedart, Jakei drew two pictures: one of X!Chara and X!Frisk fighting, and one of XI. In XI’s picture, they are depicted in full armor with a magical purple sword & shield.

Hmmm... I wonder who this could possible resemble?

Every time XI is shown, whether it be in comics or artwork, their bangs hang over their eyes. Their armor looks exactly like Kris’s from Deltarune. Heck, they both use a sword and a shield! What does this mean? XI is X!Kris. There is no way to deny this. This is why they are X!Chara’s and X!Frisk’s little sibling. I would also like to point out XI’s silver oval locket. I find it interesting how he has a different piece of jewelry from everyone else- all other important characters in Xtale have a matching golden heart locket. Does XI also have people he has given copies of this necklace to? Perhaps X!Susie and X!Ralsei, if they exist? But XI being X!Kris is only the beginning of this theory. Remember how I mentioned Xtale - The Movie earlier? Take a look at this picture.

This is a five-second frame pegged at the very end of the video, after an entry written in wingdings by Mister XGaster himself. The message is as follows:

Entry Number Eleven: As clear as a reflection in a mirror, I have found the most perfect projection of forbidden visions. Get ready. Your time is coming.

Okay, just whoa. Not only is the entry #11, but the person standing there is XI. Oh, and let’s take a closer look at what they’re holding in their hand.

I knew that silver locket was going to be important. There is no way that XI is not going to play a major part in either Underverse S2 or hmm... maybe a spin-off about the Xtale versions of Deltarune characters? To my knowledge, Jakei has not said anything about her plans after she finishes Underverse. She has her Metadora project, and I am aware that her husband @nyxtheshield​ is planning out his own Undertale series- someone will need to animate that, and I’m sure she would be able and willing to do the job. She has stated that there will be no seasons of Underverse after S2, and the finale will be 1.0. But that doesn’t mean she won’t make a new series. If she does, will it be about all the Deltarune characters? Will the other Xtale characters show up at certain points in it? Will XGaster play a large part in it? There is no way to know, as the idea of a new show is simply drawn from that there may not be enough time in S2 to fully expand what XI is.

In any case, XGaster states in the entry that “your time is coming”. This could either reference a new show or XI’s appearance in Underverse. I find it extremely interesting how XGaster words his message. “The most perfect projection of forbidden visions.” What does that mean exactly? XGaster has seen something in one of his many visions, obviously. The most perfect image of prohibited sights. XI is a person that stands for something that should not be allowed to exist. That makes sense- XGaster, a man, somehow got pregnant and birthed them, as shown in the Overwrite merch video. The “forbidden visions” might imply that he has seen something quite “cursed”, as us modern Internet-users would say. But then he tells this projection to get ready, because their time is coming. XGaster is telling XI to prepare themself. This just proves that XI and XGaster are tied together very closely, and that if XI does get their own series with X!Ralsei and X!Susie, XGaster will be involved.

Whew! That’s a lot of information to take in all at once. This was the big “theory” I wanted to discuss, so now we will move on to the different fates I believe may befall some of our beloved characters.

INK, FOR GOOD OR FOR WORSE?:

Ah, Ink. One of the true protagonists of Underverse. Remember: a protagonist is not necessarily a hero, just one of the leading characters. It has been seen that his story arc is the most important throughout the entire story. He is the one that inspired XGaster. He is the one that made XGaster’s plan succeed. And he very well might be the one to make it fail.

Wait, you’re asking me. I thought he was on XGaster’s side? What do you mean he will make it fail?

I didn’t want to address whether Ink was going to stick with XGaster or flip until a certain song was posted by Nyx two days ago on December 5th, “Soulless Heart”. If you haven’t listened to it yet, go ahead and click that link because the song is beautiful and absolutely necessary to continue on with this theory! The song is the Underverse 0.5 Ending Theme, and guess who it’s about? You guessed it, our good old buddy chum pal Ink. I’ve been listening to it on repeat since it came out, and it really is incredible. (Nyx, if you’re somehow reading this, I would like to personally congratulate you, because not only is the music amazing but mwah! Your voice is a joy, and I would not have any other singer do the vocals.) But the most important thing about the song is the lyrics. Here’s the first verse.

How long have I been longing

to be free and not broken

in this ocean of hollowness?

I don’t want to be forgotten.

Instantly, the lyrics hit you hard. This is about Ink, though, so you can’t expect anything less. Essentially, the song is about the emptiness that Ink feels without a SOUL. This goes along with one of his main aspects in Underverse. The only reason why he worked with XGaster to make sure XGaster’s game worked was so he could feel more emotions. As a chaotic neutral character, Ink literally only cares about himself and his personal goals. But what is interesting about this song is that he addresses the pain he has caused.

Sacrificial lambs

laid upon my path

now are broken worlds

killed by senseless wrath.

Ink knows that he has hurt people. I mean, in the present timeline when 0.5 is to be set, Ink’s actions just caused Error to literally “pull the plug” and destroy all the AUs. (Although, how many AUs were actually destroyed is impossible to determine, because there are still multiple Sanses that will be incorporated into S2 that were residing in their AUs at the time of their supposed destruction.) Ink knows that this is his fault. And now that XGaster has won, Ink will be receiving all those emotions he wanted! In the S2 teaser, which was released on the original Underverse 0.5 release date (the episode was unfortunately delayed due to issues with Nyx’s distributor, RouteNote), shows something very important.

Look at those vials in his hand. Those aren’t just colored vials. Well, they are, but their colors are especially important. Look at their specific colors: orange, yellow, and amber. Previously, Ink’s vials have been seen as very straightforward: roy g biv, that sort of thing.

You have one or maybe two variations, although in this picture there seems to be about four different aqua vials. But there certainly isn’t an amber vial. This goes to show that XGaster followed through on his promise, and Ink has a lot more variations in his color-coded emotion vials. The obvious conclusion from this is that he can feel a lot more things than he thought was possible- including guilt. With his newfound feelings, he could realize that what he did wasn’t just wrong, it was horrible. He might start to blame himself for getting all the AUs destroyed, which in turn might result in a betrayal of XGaster. With his emotions, he would become a real good person. But ultimately, without XGaster’s Overwrite abilities, Ink’s new emotions will fade and he will return to be the same old Ink as before. He will no longer understand why he sacrificed his emotions, and the cycle will start anew. Ink will never be truly happy, because being happy will always mean the suffering of others.

Or, Ink will stick with XGaster. It would be the same fate, after all; if the heroes defeat XGaster, Ink will still lose those emotions. This, though, might leave him feeling bitter and even more willing to do anything to get what he wants, which could potentially lead to him becoming a real villain. Perhaps XGaster isn’t the final boss of Underverse. Maybe the one to start everything will be the one to finish everything.

XGASTER AND UT!GASTER:

This wouldn’t be a real theory post without discussing our favorite fanfiction writer, would it? And yes, XGaster is literally a fanfiction writer. He has symptoms of OCD concerning the world-building of his universe and he just loves to add as much angst as humanly (or monsterly) possible. It just so happens that he lives in his own created universe, so his creations have the pleasurable chance at getting revenge.

Now, there are obviously two ways that Underverse can go: XGaster succeeds, or XGaster fails. This doesn’t necessarily mean that this will be the ending of S2. As I mentioned above, perhaps XGaster will be defeated at the end of 0.9 and 1.0 will be about everyone trying to stop Ink from taking the Overwrite SOUL for his own, I don’t know. In any case, I don’t really have anything to discuss about XGaster specifically, but I am pretty sure I know what his last scene will be if he happens to lose.

It is shown in the Underverse S2 Prologue - Owners that XGaster and UT!Gaster spent a lot of time together in the Void between the events of Xtale and Underverse. Not only do they hold an entire conversation together in Owners, but in Underverse 0.1 when Sans is hit in the head with a ball, he has a vision of the two of them standing together.

In XGaster’s and UT!Gaster’s conversation in Owners, UT!Gaster tells XGaster that he will fail in his quest for perfection. XGaster brushes him off because he’s an egotistical prick, yadda yadda. But this conversation is important because I believe it will parallel the ending of XGaster’s quest. In the end, UT!Gaster will approach his old Void-buddy and tell him to just give up on his pointless venture. XGaster will turn to dust after saying something like, “I will never give up”, and then we have Ink going on a rampage. That’s pretty much all I have to say on them, but I thought it would be worth adding.

DREAM AND NIGHTMARE:

Lastly, we have the brothers. As with XGaster and UT!Gaster, I don’t have much to add with them. But I do believe they will both play a major role in S2. They will be the overseers of the battle to come. Out of all the characters in the Undertale fandom, they are the most omnipotent. They are the protectors of the Tree of Feelings, which is one of three trees to give the Multiverse life. In Underverse 0.4, when X!Chara accused Nightmare of “watching us all this time as if we were part of a show”, Nightmare responded by saying:

Of course, Nightmare mostly means himself, Error, and Ink. Dream is much more active in helping people be happy, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t on the same god-tier level as his brother. Dream could sit back and watch the world tick, but he chooses not to because that goes against his morals.

In other words, Dream and Nightmare will probably affect the outcome of Underverse more than any other characters. They’re both pissed about what Error did: all those people that Dream cared about were murdered, and Nightmare can no longer generate negative feelings from innocents. They both have invested interest in this Multiverse war now, and their powers will certainly come to the forefront.

I believe that at the end of the story, the Multiverse will essentially go back to the exact way it was before Xtale was invented. XGaster will be dead, the Xtale characters will be put back in their AU, the other AUs will be restored, and at the end of it all, Dream and Nightmare will be once again pitted against one another. We may even see an alliance between them during Underverse S2 to stop XGaster, but afterwards, they will reestablish their rivalry. Unless the Omega Timeline comes into play, which it very well might, I don’t see the two brothers reconciling.

CONCLUSION:

Thank you everyone who took the agonizingly long time to read this! I hope this shed some light on certain characters (especially XI) and encourages to make some of your own theories. Stay safe and good night!

[revenantwinery]

For the sake of Art

This article came about because of a discussion between two longtime friends who have happened to have built their careers in the wine industry.  Each of us reside on opposite sides of the country but speak frequently about all things wine, food and sports.

Earlier in the week during a phone conversation with my good friend Tim, who resides in The Garden State  (New Jersey), I made a comment about a piece of art his eldest daughter Ashly had just completed and shared on Instagram @ashmyersdesigns.  It was a portrait using spray paint on an 8’ by 8’canvas. The subject of the painting, Gary Vaynerchuk, of The Wine Library, a prominent retail wine shop in New Jersey.  Gary used to host a series of video posts where he reviewed wines and sometimes interviewed winemakers as they made their way up and down the east coast on sales trips. The posts originated on Gary’s Wine Library TV platform.  There is no argument in the fact that Gary garnered a cult-like following on the internet, while creating his own viniculture vocabulary.  Let us not forget his contorted facial expressions while growling “the oak monster” or commencing a tasting with the words, “it’s time for a little sniffy-sniff.”  Was it all part of his shtick?  Undoubtedly it was but objectively I offer these observations, Gary “Vee” made it fun, he made it informative, albeit based on his opinions. Gary also spoke in an unpretentious and unceremonious bit of banter to anyone who appreciates wine and is willing to spend 15-30 minutes online watching his latest episode.

My colleagues, many of whom are national or regional winery sales managers along with state wide distributor representatives, eagerly awaited the Wine Library TV link featuring the latest installment to arrive in their inboxes.  They sat in horror as Gary made negative comments or throws of elation when the scores matched the accolades given to a particular wine in their portfolios. Such is the fault with selling a bottle of wine based on the 100 point rating system.

As I spin through this yarn there are a few disclaimers to put out there.  It is not my intent in this post to offer any personal opinions or criticisms about the wines or wineries presented in the two video clips.  Now to be transparent, I have never sold wine nor interacted with Gary Vaynerchuk or the Wine Library in a professional setting.  My good friend Tim does in fact sell wine to the Wine Library on an ongoing basis.  His daughter Ashly “The Artist” does not know Gary Vaynerchuk personally but is simply inspired by his positive attitudes and does follow him on twitter.

What started as an acknowledgement of a talented young artist painting led me to reexamine a wine critics videos from 2006 & 2008.  I then compared those same wines using their current vintages, prices and scores supplied by an independent retailer on the opposite coast as a way to illustrate the changes in the Napa Valley wine industry over the last twelve or so  vintages.  But to further entice the reader I felt the story would have been incomplete had this piece not contained the data supporting those changes.

Embedded in this post are two old Wine Library TV videos that I suggest you view so as to better digest the points being presented.  The first is from 2006 and the second released in 2008. The subject of the 2006 video is the tasting of Napa Valley Cult Cabernet Sauvignon.  

The wines with the vintage and retail prices per bottle are as follows.  I have chosen not divulge the outcome of these tastings so you will have to view the videos for yourself and discover the outcome.

Wine Library TV video links

Napa Valley Cult Cabernet Sauvignon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdGQURCdnaE&feature=youtu.be

Napa Valley Cabernet (Tasted Blind)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdGQURCdnaE&feature=youtu.be

Video One… 2006 – Napa Valley Cult Cabernet Sauvignon

2003 Opus One $125.00

2003 Insignia, J. Phelps $110.00

2003 Cabernet Sauvignon “Reserve”, R. Mondavi $88.00

2004 Cabernet Sauvignon “Special Select”, Caymus $120.00

Video Two…2008 – Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon’s Retail Price $30.00 - $60.00 per bottle (Tasted Blind)

2005 Beringer, $30.00

2005 Barnett Vineyards, $52.00

2004 Stelzner “Reserve”, $54.00

2005 Newton “Unfiltered”, $40.00

2005 Cliff Lede, $45.00

As the Wine Library is an east coast retail wine shop with great national exposure I have decided to compare what these wines look like in today’s retail environment by enlisting the help of my friends at the San Francisco Wine Panel, which is the wine tasting group for The Napa Valley Winery Exchange. They are one of the premier west coast based retailers with both national and international customers and exposure.  I chose not to include Stelzner in this updated comparison as the label still exists but is under new ownership and the original vineyard has been sold to another prominent Napa Valley producer. There are a couple of wines that did not meet the criteria of NVWE and have been omitted altogether.  When a San Francisco Wine Panel review was not available a Wine Spectator review was substituted and noted.

The Wine Library TV reviews and prices are documented in the two videos but I have chosen to enlist the San Francisco Tasting Panels extensive tasting notes and today’s current retail pricing to illustrate and compare how the Napa Valley wine industry has developed over the last 12+ years. In addition there will be a chart depicting the rising cost of grapes by utilizing past and current harvest data from the California Department of Food and Agriculture’s Annual Grape Crush Reports for District 4 to substantiate the numbers.

Present Day Update on Napa Valley Cult Cabernet Sauvignon – Video One from 2006

San Francisco Wine Panel - 98 Points                     Retail: $383.00       2017 Opus One Proprietary Red Wine Oakville Napa Valley                  This year’s Opus is at once notably creamy and fruit-rich to the nose, where blueberry, dark plum sauce, mulberry, black currant, fig, sweet tobacco, vanilla, clove, cedar and hints of dry dark rose and laurel all fan-out. The impression of creamy-edged ripeness is mirrored on the palate, where the polished tannins are almost entirely submerged by a wave sweet vanilla, toffee, clove, mace, tobacco and peppercorn that support juicier flavors of blueberry, mulberry and plum. The finish is plush and full and beautifully food-balanced. Everything is deliciously satisfying now, but those with patience can expect four or five years of steady evolution. A blend of 81% Cabernet Sauvignon, 8.5% Petite Verdot, 5% Cabernet Franc, 4.5% Merlot & 1% Malbec. - DG

San Francisco Wine Panel - 99 Points                     Retail: $169.00       2016 Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon “Reserve” To Kalon Vineyard, Oakville Napa Valley                                                                       In really great years Mondavi almost always makes great Cabernet and 2016 is one of their classic vintages. The aromas are a dense, tightly focused melange of Cassis, black raspberry, sour red cherry, pomegranate syrup, crushed dark rose, dried herb, tobacco, leather, cedar and mace scents poised above a drying mineral undercurrent. Despite all its savory counterpoints the wine remains fruit-centric on the palate, where substantial yet highly polished tannins bring a chiseled raciness to the mouth-feel. The finish is extremely long, fruit dominant and never less than satisfying. Truly dinner-worthy now, it will reward at least six year years of cellaring and should prove long-lived. - DG

Wine Spectator - 91 Points                                         Retail:$274.95       2015 Insignia, J. Phelps Red Wine Napa Valley                                        This red offers lots of spice, cedar, gravel and lead pencil flavors, with a woodiness overshadowing the trim fruit.  A Bordeaux style version that begs for cellaring. - JL

Wine Spectator - 95 Points                                          Retail: $180.00     2015 Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon Special Selection Napa Valley              This delivers unbridled plum sauce, blackberry preserve and melted licorice flavors, but keeps a smoldering edge for form while picking up alluring black tea and incense notes on the broad finish. There’s a long echo of chocolate adding to this hedonist’s delight. – JL

Present Day Update on Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon (Tasted Blind) – Video Two from 2008

San Francisco Wine Panel - 95 Points                     Retail: $85.00         2017 Cliff Lede Cabernet Sauvignon, Stags Leap District Napa Valley      If still a bit youthfully reserved, this Cabernet shows its class in the focused array of blackberry, Cassis, licorice root, cocoa nib, vanilla, mace, cedar and clove scents that the nose gradually unveils. Tannins and fruit zest tighten the mouth-feel at opening, yet once again airing reveals the wine’s energy, depth and length. If certainly closer to maturity in three years or so, it wants service with fatty meats to show its best at this stage. - DG

Wine Spectator – 90 Points                                         Retail: $59.002017 Newton Cabernet Sauvignon, Unfiltered Napa Valley                         Solidly built, featuring a core of plum and blackberry notes, threaded with mesquite, mineral and savory hints.  The finish shows a twinge of the rustic tannins that mark many 2017’s, but ample fruit keeps them well absorbed. – JM

Wine Spectator – 91 Points                                         Retail: $95.002016 Barnett Cabernet Sauvignon Napa Valley MMV                                      This mixes bright cherry and plum fruit with dark black currant and licorice snap notes.  A briary spine adds energy, while the frame of roasted apple wood slowly melds on the finish. - JM

Questioning the escalating cost of your favorite Cabernet Sauvignon? This graph illustrates the rising price of Napa Valley’s dominant red varietal.

6 Year Average Price per Ton for Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon

At the time of this writing only the preliminary numbers from the 2020 Napa Valley harvest are available but I have one more observation to leave you with and that being a list showing the highest dollar amount paid for a ton of Cabernet Sauvignon grapes with coinciding vintage.  Preliminary reports show that Napa Valley grape crush for Cabernet Sauvignon was down 43% for 2020. 

2020 – A total of 17.8 tons were purchased at $65,919.21 per ton.

2019 – A total of 20 tons were purchased at $50,000.00 per ton.

2018 – A total of 18 tons were purchased at $50.000.00 per ton

Despite wild fires of 2020 raging through the valley creating hardships for owners of vineyards and wineries, winemakers, cellar hands and picking crews alike there was still over 120 tons of Cabernet Sauvignon picked priced at or over $30,000.00 per ton. Perhaps this might be better served in another discussion.

The expression of art can be created in different forms, with paint on canvas being the obvious or in the vineyard and then the cellar where the crafting of wine is refined while both should be admired and enjoyed.

Anthony Knox

Revenant Winery

Publié (Blog): @revenantwinery

Instagram: @revenantwinery

Twitter: @RevenantWinery

[alolanrain]

Ash was gone, up and left that Sunday night. Delia knew, she always knew when her son up and left. May it be for a journey or just a simple outing with his friends. What’s strange is that Ash has already been to every Region in the world, there’s nothing left to explore. Plus it was Monday, at ten in the morning no less, and Ash hasn’t shown up to help his mother plant the new flowers he sent her from Galar like Ash had promised the weekend before.

Delia knows her son after all, she’s the one that had to raise Ash mostly all up on her own.

Delia also wasn’t surprised when dead bodies started showing up in the middle of towns and cities, all over the world for every to see. It was quite bloody, in fact, organs on the display for even the youngest babies to see. Nothing was left hidden.

It made it satisfying to her for some reason. Maybe it’s because she knew more than half of the people lying on their back or shoved in a town square water fountain. Or maybe it’s because of the vindictive feeling blooming in her stomach and making Delia smile down into her first cup of Joe in the morning, when she first turned on the current news and at the multitude of giant, or little, ‘R’s stitched into every fabric the corpses were wearing. Always on display.

Instead of whoever was doing this, and she has a pretty good guess who was going out of their way, was working from the near top to all the way down to the bottom. The Admins for Team Rocket were the first to go, all four being placed in their home Region and City or Town center. Stretched or hanged for the people to see, to look upon the traitors of the world and point to them. Scorning their actions as piles and piles of internet doot prints were uploaded everywhere, on what felt like millions of accounts on all kind of apps and forums. No one that was affiliated in any good way with Team Rocket was safe.

Except for two humans, their Pokémon, and a talking Meowth.

Delia woke up at the crack of dawn like she always done, it’s been a habit ever since she opened up her little Deli shop in the middle of Pallet Town. Even though she’s gotten a lot more employees, especially for opening shifts because the older Delia gets the more she finds out how much she loves spending the morning with her Pokémon team since childhood, it’s a hard habit to break.

Leo, her shiny Sylveon, was already walking to the front door with a huff. His silk ribbons wrapping around the door handle while Delia walked up to it with a bit of curiosity and exasperated fondness filling her bones.

“Get in here you three!” Delia laughed. Gently nudging Leo away from the crack with her foot and opening the door up more so that the nervous beings could enter. Her smile was warm and soft as she took in their jump appearance.

“The Twerp said it was okay-“ the purple haired man, James, stuttered our but Delia stopped him.

“If it weren’t for you two, my son would have probably been laying at the bottom of the Primal Current dead and the world destroyed by the three birds and Lugia.” She reached out and pulled them in, kicking the door close with her feet while Delia motioned to Leo to go warm the rest of the tream. “So this home is yours, it’s always been yours since the beginning. Come sit down in the kitchen, I was just about to start breakfast.”

Delia has left them at the table, allowing them to sit in tear jerking silence as she went throug the motion of making breakfast. Delia had, unsurprisingly, no amount of anger towards them and what they’ve done in the past to her son. No, Her anger is directed at the head Honcho of the evil gang that’s been gripping Kanto and Johto long before she was even born.

Delia didn’t say anything, as she left the trio to their thoughts and very full dinner plates and extra in the kitchen, when she found an old tombstone broken and torn to shreds. But marks and cursed purple magic danced a little as she poked the broken cement with a nearby stick. Delia didn’t need to know who, or what Pokémon, went after it. She should have given Ash her team before letting him leave. They really need to get rid of their decades long anger and finally destress after all this.

She chose to ignore the muffled sobbing’s drifting from the kitchen window in favor of kissing Sunny, her beloved shiny Arcanine she had all this time since it was a baby Growlith as her second given starter after her first one was stolen, good morning and letting Miss Blue, Delia’s shiny Ninetails and her most pickiest is Pokenon partners, come between them for her own good morning kisses. Her big fluffy blue tinted tails wrapping around her legs and waist in Miss Blues version of a hug.

She didn’t even think about coming back into her house until all her Pokémon family members had gotten their hellos in and were now actively nudging her back towards the sliding glass door because it was breakfast time and they were hungry.

Soon enough, things changed.

Jessie, or Now just Jess, no longer wears tight fitting clothes and spending hours on end putting her hair up in that ridiculous hair swoop. Delia was proud of how fast she had regained her footing, and just how much faster she and Delia’s Houndoom, Soul, and her Togatic, Spots, has gotten along swimmingly. Jess now joins her for the rare jog-run she does on a few country dirt roads when Delia was feeling up to it. Delia also didn’t question it when an Arbol and a Weezing of all things showed up on her porch the next morning on the following Tuesday.

It also was the first day everyone had singly mindingly read the threat clear: Team Rocket will not survive, their rain is ending now and here. Blood shall run for the innocent who colored the streets by their hands. 

Delia has openly chuckled to herself when her guests were still asleep upstairs in Ash’s old redecorated bedroom. Her cold vicious sneer glared back at herself on the TV reflective screen as she watched the camera pan over Ariana’s cold blood drained body that was hanging off a weird metal sculpture that was in the middle of a Town Square in Johto. Silver had sent her a YouMon link that sent Delia to a video titled “The Witch Is Dead.”

Her laughter was louder and had woken up her guests, Delia made breakfast once more while shooing James our do the kitchen multiple times. Brandishing a spatula the entire time.

James took a little more time, it wasn’t until Tracey came around to study and practice her drawing skill on Delia’s Pokémon and spotted James did his healing transformation started. The poor young man was pulled on by a stubborn Tracey through Oalleg Town and to the Professors Ranch, to then for Tracey to to show James how to use an old polaroid camera and a mission to go talk to a few of Ash’s more friendly Pokémon.

Meowth has been inducted that following Wednesday, when the mutilated bodies of Team Rocket’s loads upon loads of scientist were scattered all over the world, by Gary’s sweet Umbreon. The poor cat Pokémon was picked up by the scruff and was bodily dragged to the ranch with Tracey and James following behind it. Tracey giving suggestions and some smalll pointers to James on how to work his new camera. Meowth was surprisingly greeted with open arms by Ash’s Pokémon, none held too much anger for the cat Pokémon since Ash had expressed time and time again of the trios predicament to them. Meowth has never cried so much in his lifetime, and this is including the moment when his mother had left him on the streets to fend for himself at three weeks old.

Delia has used her money, or just barely a fraction of what Ash sends her every month because he doesn’t know what to do with the money the League gives him besides give it to charity and spending it on his travels, to buy the house next door to her. Not the Oaks house down the road to her left, even when it’s barely used anymore and it’s mostly now just an extra house for Delia to house her sons guests in, no. She bought the one a little less down to her right. It was a two story house with just a smaller yard then Delia’s, though it didn’t stop her from smashing down the wooden fence and expanding her garden into their new backyard for James and Jess to join her getting dirty. It was perfect for them and Meowth, along with their plenty of Pokémon who happily greet her every morning just like her own team.

The following Thursday, over more than half a million Team Rocket members that were spread all over in the upper part of many governments and big name brands were killed or seriously maimed and disfigured in that short amount of time had sent Delia reeling back in over flowing motherly pride and love, Champion Lance and Orange Isles Elite Four Drake had shown up in her door. She had just finished teaching both James and Jessie how to properly set up wet clothes that needed to be hung outside on a clothesline is read of shoving them in a dryer at their new home that Delia practically forced onto them with some slight added Country Morther love.

She ushered them in, shushing Souls quite snarling and nudging Miss Blue our of the way, while asking why they were hear and they were just in time because Delia was about to make dinner!

Lance, ever her dumbest childhood friend, asked where Ash was. Or more like demanded by going off his tone of voice. Stomping his foot and declaring that Ash needed to come to the castle right this second.

Thankfully Gary was out of town visiting some other relatives of his sweet late mothers. He wouldn’t be to particularly angry if Delia had stayed that the newly minted Professor had taken Ash as a support human. It’s not like she’s technically wrong, Delia did know for a fact Ash was the one that’s going to pick Gary up on the incoming Sunday.

She had forced the two League Members into sitting down for dinner, steak with loaded potatoes and seasoned barbecued Leaks, Melony had sent her those in a special delivery when Rose’s shredded corpse was hanging off the Chairman’s main building in front of the sliding glass doors. The roses underneath the glass in the entry way were replaced with Blue Forget-Me-Nots, It was a subtle hint made towards Mr.Goodshow, something Delia had caught extremely quickly.

The next day Friday, where the first and only kill was made in Alola according the the news, the new Galar Head Chairman was appointed outside of all Galars previous Chairmen’s. Delia actually ment Chairwoman, Miss Chairwoman Myoso was a wonderful women from what she appeared on TV already. Maybe now Leon will have a less hectic schedual. That same morning a delicately made box wrapped in the finest of hand painted silk was delivered to Delia’s porch, she knew who had done it but it also wasn’t her place to voice the silent appreciation gift.

Her kitchen has never sparkled so beautifully in the middle of the day during lunch. And all she has to thank were the little flat glass figures of the island Tapu’s closed shells twirling and swaying, hanging from near her kitchen top window.

Delia never liked Faba to begin with when she had met him, while he and Sycamore were both still in college, all those years ago.

More small trinkets were popping up on her doorstep every morning. All wrapped in very nice clothes and one of them in giant thin leaves. They ranged from very beautiful necklaces, to even a few plants and cups, her favorite so far either had to be the colored glass blown Swampert figuring sitting o top of her new fountain in the middle of her garden. One she hadn’t built at all and knew just who exactly did that. Or the little green house but that popped up that morning as well, the only plant in it was a Kalosian flower that was red, white, and black with small pink crystals gently fused into the pot top thick edge.

She had breakfast with the trio on that Saturday morning, they were on the young adults new back patio when a streak for blazing fire crossed the sky. Flashes of green and purples bluish light soon followed after.

Delia chose to ignore it while the other three started to freak out a little. She let them have a few minutes before bringing them back to their cooking breakfast omelets Jess has made for them.

Later that night the reporter stated that multiple unapproved satellites where brought crashing to the Earth crust. Only stopping mysteriously and there were some very blurred photos of a giant green floating snake like Pokémon and two purple floating blurred next to the head. Delia had finally gone for her first and only scotch for that evening, since a thought about getting any more than half a glass had Mr.Mimey skittering out of a random hallway corner and babbling at her while getting Delia a glass of water and a Tylenol before rushing the woman off to bed. 

Sunday was the end all the river full of blood crashing through the streets.

Sunday was the day when the world woke up the sight of Giovanni’s head spreads onto a pole in Pallet Town Square. Directly in the middle of the giant water fountain and the blood slowly dripping down was making the cascading water turn a light pink color like someone just added food dye.

Sunday morning is when she had her son knocking on her door. With Gary, Daisy and her husband, Tracey, Misty, Brock, Ritchie, Professor Oak standing behind him. The trio, who she had fondly started to call them her kids just like Ash and Gary and the wrest of Ash’s friends, Ahmad let themselves in from the slide back door. Everyone ignored when Umbreon and Pikachu both trotted up and twisted themselves around Meowth, the pile for fur and limbs were purring. Especially since Pikachu had grown to half way between Sunny and Souls height.

Sunday was when Ash and Delia walked for an hour and a half out into an old path in the woods. Only to stop by an old broken down house with moss, vines, and even a few small tress growing inside with rubble all around the place. They were visiting Delia’s home before her parents had died, before she had to move in with Lance and his parents if Delia wanted to stay back in Kanto. Visiting a time before her first starter was stolen from her along with her innocence and late teen years as she struggled to get by while pregnant.

Sunday is the day she was reunited with her first starting, the first time she openly cried in front of her son as Delia felt the oh so familiar feeling of a sandpaper tongue licking her hands and face while a deep purring and mewling echoed around the destructed building. amber slots blown wide stared back into Delia’s own amber eyes, before both their eyes closed and Delia leaned forward to plant a lasting kiss onto her sweet Persians glimmering red gem on its silky furred forehead.

Sunday is the day Delia finally starts to heal from her past.

———————————————————————

Or better yet! Known as the Heaven Or Hell!AU where Delia’s first starter was a Meowth that got stolen by Giovanni when he ditched her later down the road and Ash found out and decided: fuck it, time to snap. Because no one fucks away with his mom if Ash has anything to say about it.

[jlf23tumble]

Top 10 Niche Interests

Fixations? Obsessions? This is incredibly hard because I have wayyyy too many niche interests, so instead of stressing about it, I tried to channel the 10 things that immediately speak to me and maybe aren't so obvious from what I post here, like how much I'm obsessed with wigs, doll furniture, incredibly specific blogs, all forms of clothing with pockets, swimming pools, whimsical bus stops, over-the-top bathrooms, etc. etc Instead, I opted for some specifics that feel a little more evergreen and long tailed, like, so LIFE-long tailed that it's tough to nail down when or how they became part of the national psyche. I thank @alienfuckeronmain​ for the initial tag, and I'm tagging her AGAIN for round two because I know she has a billion additional niche things, and she'll post them, and I'll scream because it'll trigger five other things I neglected to post here, and I'll probably post my own round two, arggggh, insert aggressive sighing. Anyway, I tag ANYONE who wants to do it, just tag me so I can see! 

1. Indoor Trees

I have no idea why this concept PULLS so hard because houseplants are kind of meh to me, but you want to plant an entire-ass TREE indoors, in the place where you live? Me, too, and I'd add a conversation pit plus a combo gold/red bathroom, among other things, and, bam, we're in my imaginary dream home, which I have literally, constantly ALWAYS mentally constructed from the time I was about six or so. (If you're curious, it has multiple themed rooms, and the closest I've seen to it recently is the outstanding Dita von Teese AD feature, but Amy Sedaris’s apartment comes close, too). There are two (2) 1960s houses in Long Beach with magnificent indoor trees, but I can't find them online, so have this modern interpretation and cry with me about how I can't visit the multi-story fake tree inside Clifton's Cafeteria for a good long while:

2. Conventions of Fans of Any Kind

One thing that I don't think I'll ever lose is how much I *love* people who are fans of SOMETHING, people who have a passion and create something about it or cosplay it or simply gather to celebrate it and connect to other people through it. The Internet provides in all kinds of ways, but I'm talking specifically about IRL conventions and the way my heart pitter pats when I first walk in those doors, SWOON! And it doesn’t matter how big the convention is or how random, I've been to smaller events like CatCon and the My Little Pony convention all the way up to biggies like WonderCon and Comic Con, and I have yet to be disappointed. I might know jack shit about what I'm walking into, but I want to see the merch, hear about the panels, and check out the people who are fucking PUMPED to be there. Sadly, I think it's gonna be a lonnnnng time until these come back, but I can live vicariously through my old photos, sigh:

3. Dutch Wax Fabrics and African Fashion

I'm not the snazziest of dressers, but textiles, colors, and patterns have been an obsession that has soothed my visual soul for as long as I can literally remember. Wax fabric marries all three of those touchpoints, plus throws in a healthy dose of style, and I count myself lucky to have seen two big exhibits on the subject (this was one of them), oh, how I wish there were more! For sure, there's a fucked up underlying colonial/imperialist history here, but there's also humor and color and vibrancy, a reclamation of sorts, and multiple levels of fashion that take my breath away. I cannot do the different patterns justice at all, but the fan motif is one of my faves:

4. Hearst Castle vs. Madonna inn

These two fall into my #home tag because they're where I'm from, and they speak to me as equally sublime and ridiculous, camp and kitsch writ large and small, different (yet similar!) versions of Xanadu that two rich white men built as shrines to their own personal "taste." And the irony is that a lot of people shit on Alex Madonna for being tacky (the Madonna Inn is...uh, something else), yet praise WR Hearst for all the high-class art and architecture, most of which is fully lifted from desperate churches between and after world and yet they're both more or less the same concept (lodging for weary travelers, self-aggrandizement, questionable taste-mixing). Hearst Castle edges out slightly for me because it's bigger and has spectacular scenery and history, plus it gives me doses of LA noir thanks to the way Hearst killed a guy in a jealous Charlie Chaplin-related rage and Hedda Hopper covered it up, all kinds of old Hollywood shenanigans happened up there, etc. But I'm low-key an expert on both houses of the holy, I'm OBSESSED with both, and we can leave it at that. I mean, come on:

5. Snow Globes

I had to cull my personal collection slightly just to fit it all on the dedicated shelf in my bathroom, and I seriously need to refill all the water lines, but nothing beats a snow globe in terms of memorable souvenir, especially when you put it in a bathroom. The majesty!!! The jewel of my collection is the one from Sherwood Forest because WHY NOT celebrate a historic place and moment in the basic way?? He robbed from the rich to give to the poor, and the gift shop about 100 feet from the tree he hid in does the same! The circle of life! The irony of all the watermarks on this blessed image...protect:

6. Highly Specific Museums

Look, we can all agree that the more venerated museums in the world are a form of garbage in terms of what they represent, what they've done, and who runs them, but I'm here for the museums that collect and celebrate things that tend to get overlooked. There are too many to list that I love that are still thriving, so I'm going to say goodbye to four recently departed faves. RIP to the Pez museum, I'm so glad I saw you and purchased your stale candy souvenirs. RIP to the museum of terrible food, you were a pop up when Phoenix and I saw you, and I will forever think about the worker describing people literally vomiting during their visits. RIP to the currywurst museum in Berlin, I've had currywurst exactly once and it was not for me, but I respect the Journey you took me on, including obscure east German TV shows that helped make you so popular (??). Finally, RIP to the velvet painting museum, there's no way to mince words, the person who owned you was crazy AS FUCK and had zero clue how to run a business, but I'm so glad I saw you multiple times and purchased my own velvet treasure (not this exact one, but remarkably similar):

7. Liminal Spaces: Grocery Store Edition

Confession time for those who don't know me all that well, I'm a big time voyeur, and nothing fills my heart with joy like a walk at 7 or 8 pm, the witching hour when people haven't pulled the curtains, and I can scope out their decorations/furnishings without it being "weird." Another confession is how much I unabashedly adore grocery stores in other countries and will spend at least an hour wandering aisle by aisle, falling in love with how much everything is different yet completely the same:

8. Agatha Christie Novels:

As a child, I was a fairly compliant reader--I had to read something for school? Okay! For my mom? Sounds good! But the books that sparked the initial fire for me to read something purely for myself were second-hand (probably fourth- or fifth-hand, judging by cover art) Agatha Christie short story anthologies, which were the gateway drug to full Agatha Christie novels, then other mystery novels, and so on. But getting back to Agatha, I obviously loved all the stories, but every decade spawned incredibly good cover art (like, exceptionally good), and this particular artist's are right up near the top for me (I go back and forth on a lot of the '50s and '60s ones):

9. Scopitones

I link my obsession with scopitones both to my love of music videos in general and a shop in Austin, TX, that sold DVD compilations of them in particular, but either way, they're underappreciated and kitschy all in one! Francoise Hardy and the rest of the ye-ye's are my forever girls for this medium, but seemingly every country cranked them out, both actual set videos and "live" performances? If you don't know what they are, scopitones were machines that played music videos in French cafes in the '60s (??), so it was sort of your proto-MTV way to see your faves sing and dance. Oh, Francoise...so moderne!!

10. Cover Songs

I have so much patience and love for cover songs of any stripe, the more genre-bending and/or surprising, the better! My only minor beef is the trend in slooooooooowing down songs to make a point, but even those ones have a special place in my heart if they're effective. Live Lounge feeds my hunger the best, but my meta fave for representing this concept is Pulp's Bad Cover Version, which was already lyrically INSPIRED, a song about bad cover versions in terms of relationships, but then they did a video that was a visual "bad" cover version, with actors lip synching over an audio "bad" cover version, and all of it just worked? The cover for the single is someone in the band as a boy, making his own bad cover version of a Bowie album cover, it's meta meta meta, and I love love love, here's the video, if you're curious. In the more sublime cover category, I'm absolutely addicted to all of Orville Peck's covers, I truly hope he officially releases them sometime soon, but I wholeheartedly support any artist who does it:

[blxxdyvalentine19xx]

Internet Killed The Rockstar - Mod Sun Album Review by blxxdyvalentine19xx

Derek “Mod Sun” Smith’s 11 track Album Internet Killed The Rockstar debuted at midnight on February 12th, 2021, compared to his usual Hippy Hop as he calls it, IKTR is a much more Punk Rock sound. It opens with the lead single “Karma”, followed by both “Bones” and “Flames” I woke up this morning and hopped onto Spotify to give it a listen to.

Karma: The opening track to the album, Angry and loud. I didn’t much care for it at first, It took me a while to love this one. His ex girlfriend was quick to jump onto youtube with a storytime video, in which she suggests it’s about her, some believe it to be and others believe it to be about Bella Thorne. I was under the impression that Mod and Tana were on good terms last year so I don’t really know, I’m more convinced that it’s about Bella. It’s a banger of an opening track though.    

Bones: There’s a lot to this song, I remember the teaser he released for this piece. I’ve listed to the song almost as i have to that teaser. He explains in the breakdown of the track that it sounds like what the first few seconds before a car crash feels like, calm. This song absolutely put me through it, I lost a family member to a motor vehicle accident a few years back and never really moved on from it. Somehow through this song, Mod brought me the ability to heal from it and move on from the weight I carried with the accident. So thank you Mod Sun for a track so beautiful.

Flames (Ft Avril Lavigne): The only feature on the entire album and it’s a literal piece of art! It starts out with Avril’s melodic voice before jumping into Mod Sun’s explosive screaming vocals in the post-chorus. His vocals on this track doesn’t make me love it any less, in fact i’m in love with the track. Mod threw all he had at this track and gave us something that will hopefully stand the test of time. As many times as I have heard this song, I never tire of it.Avril has been the voice of a couple generations now and It’s amazing to see such a powerful collaboration as this one.

Betterman: I don’t know, I’m not really feeling this track so I don’t have a lot to say about it. He does say in it that someone makes him want o be a better man and that the same person saves him.To be nice about it I’m saying little about it. He does say at one point that he doesn’t want to die lonely, that’s a line i can vibe with, being lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s a beautifully worded track.

Prayer: I just listened to this song again, there’s a part of me that feels the message Mod puts out. I’ve saw what those white lines do to people, I nearly lost a friend to them in high school so Mod hit me with a load of built up emotions here. My life had been impacted by someone who hit their worst on drugs and I carry those thoughts everyday. The way he delivers this track is melodic and gives you a way to look positively on your future. Every action is a reaction. I know i’m rambling but  I don’t know just how to word what this song does to me, it makes me feel numb as I reflect on things I’ve been through. 2020 was my year to find my a better path and jut like Mod, I’m trying desperately to try on it.I wasn’t in a good place and this song feels like what my past was in words.

TwentyNUMB: It sounds to me like it starts out as a rap track before quickly reminding me of ‘Circles” by post malone mixed with an early 2000′s track that I can’t remember the name of now. As of right now I don’t have a clear explanation of the track. It’s good but it’ll have to grow on me. It may to chaotic for me as I’m neurodiverget and there’s so much to try and focus on in this that I start to get panicky and can’t focus on the lryics of it at all. it’s upbeat though so that’s a good thing.

Smith: We know this is about his father from the voice intro it carries. The lyrics carry you through a mostly negative father - son relationship, as it progresses, Mod goes on to say there will always be a room in his house for his late father. It’s a tough one for me as my relationship with my father is beginning to fade and this song brings up the pain that i’ve endured the past few years seeing the father I once knew and loved change into a man I no longer know. I can’t help but cry hearing the pain in Mod’s voice when he delivers this track, even though my father is still living, i’m tasked with having to grieve the man I looked up to and that’s what this song does for me, it’s started the process of me letting go of what I have to for my sake. I don’t know how much longer I have with my father due to his health but this sing will forever make me think of him. No matter what a parent puts us through, there’s still that little kid locked inside us that loves them no matter what.

Rollercoaster: I’ve linked the song. The lyrics explain themself. Noting I can really say about it aside from being proud of Mod and the effort he’s made to staying sober.

Annoying: Shit’s cute! I will definitely be dancing around my kitchen to this song. It’s such a feel good song. My one qualm about it though is the “ for your eyes only” line, the One Direction fan in me only ever hears “ass” instead of “eyes” I can’t do much else but laugh over the line because of it. The song sounds as id Mod is declaring unrequited love to whoever this mystery girl he speaks of in numerous lyrics across the album. Whoever she is, she must be pretty damn special. The bridge make sit sounds as thought she makes him tongue tied when all he wants to do is tell her how much he loves her. Overall, Annoying is a really cute song.

Pornstar: This song starts out with Mod portraying himself as a really kind of shit guy, from missing his girls birthday to not being there after her surgery, like man, that’s low. The lyrics later sate that he’ll make up for his dickish behavior and fuck her like a pornstar, now we can assume he’s referring to himself as the pornstar here. He also talks about her sending him a paragrah every morning, he barely reads it and sends the ever dreaded one word answer, I’m a guy and that boils my blood, i’m a romantic at heart and a poet, one word answers are my least favourite thing. The chorus to Pornstar is damn well catchy almost as catchy as herpes, thank you to @triplexdoublex​ for that golden line. it’s been out a little over a day now and it’s already my fifth most listened to song, that’s saying something.

Internet Killed The Rockstar: I was in a dream driving in my Ford Explorer at 16 years old by myself. I snuck out of the house, not to go fucking spray-paint the side of a building or go meet up with a girl. No, so I could go ride around my city and scream the lyrics of a song and pretend that it was my song. That’s literally what I did as a kid. The song that was playing was ‘Internet Killed the Rockstar.’It painted the story of when the kid inside me essentially died and turned into a person that was living in a new age. I grew up quickly, but I’ve remained able to be in touch with this childlike sense inside me. [The song] is my tribute to the kid who literally thought he was never going to make it. And guess what? You made it! You made it. Direct quote from Mod’s Genius Music page. Nothing more to be said here other than I feel this on a personal level, I was in a place once where I never once thought I’d see my senior year of high school let alone where I am today. I’ve had to grow up quick lately and this song gives me comfort.

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Back to my Safari bookmarks! If you’re wondering why I’d make hundreds and hundreds of bookmarks from tumblr, it’s because I had anxiety and didn’t have a blog yet. Took me a while and eventually I just impulsively made it one night.

- awww ancient Stucky fanart

- several etsy articles that are no longer available

- “Oops! Website deactivated”

- many, many, many links to nothing, but also an array of super random tumblr posts, and when I say random I mean random

- this was when CATWS was fresh and people were like :O

- a list of recipes to replicate fast food from some American chains at home... ew why would I want to eat any of these things ew ew

- past me, please explain, why would you bookmark all this stuff. why so many bookmarks of possible iphone cases to buy. you did buy some eventually. why keep these b--

- horizontally cutting an apple and putting peanut butter inside it DOES NOT make it a sandwich, American person who wrote this article about sandwich ideas. Wait, “Apple and Gruyere Waffle Sandwich”? That’s even worse.

- you again?? No, using a tomato instead of hamburger buns DOES NOT make a hamburger. How am I supposed to bite into the sk... nevermind.

- awww a bunch of etsy links about products for babies! This is from when my nephew was born ^-^

- a 2004 essay about Dumbledore

- that manga about Jesus and Buddha in modern Japan

- pictures of blooming tea... I have purchased some from a Chinese reseller through Amazon a very long time ago, but the package is “in transit but late” :(

- Roberto Ferri’s paintings (those beautiful ones you saw years ago all over tumblr)

- pictures from the 1930s/40s in color

- super cute pet videos

- nothing says “Etsy” like kintsugi kits where you’re sent a broken object to repair (I didn’t want one, but the link showed me those)

- sure, pick a theme for your blog where microscopic text is written in beige over white background, I’m sure that’s a good idea

- do you think John Winchester apologists who get really intense when someone brings up literal canon still exist on this site or. Actually no I don’t want to know.

- I miss the Carver era meta guys

- an essay that reads the Iron Man trilogy through the lens of “cyborg feminism” but somehow the Iron Man trilogy seems to be a fever dream. That’s what happens when you make other 9472 terrible movies with Tony Stark in it when he’s always written terribly.

- Oh boi remember fanmail. I miss fanmail. They should being back fanmail.

- random stuff, broken links, random stuff, I’m deading, even Safari is suffering I had to close it and open it again asdfghjkl

- Writing Exercises (I’m not checking if it’s actually useful rn tho)

- this smol 2014 article about the Captain America fandom will make you cry now because we had such a good thing and they chose to punish us for it

- https://musicroamer.com and http://www.liveplasma.com

- oh man an essay on why it would be so important for many people if Johnlock became canon. I feel so sorry for the TJLC people, they deserved better

- damn!! Look at this Etsy store!! Look at this stuff!! I want!!

- that time Sergei Polunin danced to Take Me To Church

- the Supernatural soundtrack, episode by episode

- a twitter account that got suspended?? (But also ewwwww twitter shows me what’s trending in my country and ewwwww)

- Centuries Before Memes, There Were The LOLCats Of Japanese Woodprints

- there’s a broken link to a page inside the site “thetoast” and their broken link page says “Oh, bother.” and a picture of a burnt toast

- http://lexicity.com (The first and only comprehensive index for ancient language resources on the internet.)

- NASA Goddard Youtube channel

- omg this is so funny. An article about “awesome recycling ideas”. The objects to recycle? Include? A grand piano; a sea mine; an old boat; another grand piano; A BOEING 747 JUMBO JET ENGINE; another boat; sliced cars; multiple more pianos... thank you I really needed an idea on what to do with that stuff in my garage

- one of my first tumblr posts............. you really want to see it? do you? okay. But you need to be familiar with that famous Nietzsche passage about the announcement of the death of God. Yeah, I know. I can’t fathom how I got thousands of people to follow me.

- an amigurumi project I actually tried, with an acquaintance’s help and all, but I just couldn’t

- a folder of random stuff lebeled “bau” (“woof” in Italian, you know, what the dog says)

- more resources for my thesis I never used

- the map of the central building of my university (I always get lost in it)

- once upon a time, the most used word on the internet was “codependency”

- thanks, past me, for grouping all these links from tumblr blogs that changed their url all together so I can just delete everything with a single click.

- a folder “sherlock meta”. Blogs that deleted. (*touches the ground*...)

- discussions on the dismissal of the queer reading of Sherlock :’) I’m sorry guys

- it’s a good thing I didn’t have a blog back then. If I’d reblogged all the posts I’ve saved it would have been a mess.

- TEEN WOLF META asdfghjkl I routinely forget that Teen Wolf is a show I actually watched. Sure, I abandoned it at some point. Like everyone else did, I think.

- guys, we’re at posts from the first few days of 2014. We’re about to enter 2013. I don’t know what we’ll find.

- Destiel posts. These are all Destiel posts.

- a link to the Naruto manga on a manga reader site.

The Safari bookmarks end here, I think because for Christmas 2013, if I remember correctly, I got a new laptop. But there’s a folder with some bookmarks I imported from the old one... 

- some resources on disability representation, random tumblr posts, and the family free of the Julio-Claudian dynasty

- super random tumblr blogs?? including the demo.tumblr.com??? idek

- oh boi. A super mega amount of tumblr blogs. How am I supposed to open these?? If I open all the tabs I’ll make my laptop crash... I’m not opening them. Most are unfamiliar, probably fandom blogs that changed their url twice a month, but I can spot a few I still follow :) Congrats, I “followed” you long before I had a blog myself.

Well, this was anticlimatic. Apparently, past me already got rid of all the wild stuff. There’s not even a SINGLE Glee thing? Not one? From 2014? Wait, what was airing in 2014? Season 5? Yeah, maybe that’s a reason. Still.

NEVERMIND I FOUND THEM, they’re no longer saved in a browser, I had changed laptops or sth and I had copied my bookmarks in a email I sent to myself so I could find the links again (which obviously says I made a selection, who knows how many bookmarks were lost. I don’t want to know lmao). I obviously have no reason, time or will to open them, but I can tell you I had divided them in categories:

- uni courses; Japan/Japanese; manga; philosophy and academical stuff; recipes; mixed [oh boi there’s some weird stuff here]; very useful sites; quotes & lyrics [what for?]; videos; Glee stuff; Glee art from DeviantArt; Glee tumblr blogs; Klaine-specific tumblr blogs; Supernatural stuff; Destiel-specific; my most used sites; Deviant Art - fanart [not specified, so I’m betting this is manga fanart - correction from some urls I can tell this is yaoi fanart, yep]; Deviant Art - non-fanart; watercolor images; Deviant Art - food; Deviant Art - pictures of Japan; something very embarrassing I’m not admitting it [no it’s not porn, that would be less embarrassing]; assorted tumblr posts; Supernatural meta; other tumblr posts.

So yeah that was my 2013, how was yours?

[aestheticritique]

For young men (Part 1)

In my latest lockdown induced depressive episode I have been meeting some new people online. They are all young, male, mostly heterosexual, very nice and extremely considerate. However, they also are often afraid becoming a burden, insecure in their appearance or social skills, and often struggling with mental health. Given this, they are also usually extremely afraid of never finding themselves having sex or getting into a meaningful relationship in the late stage neoliberal capitalist dystopia we find ourselves in. To be honest I didn’t understand them at first, especially their obsession with sex. But the more I am thinking about it, the more I realize that we are united in the same dynamic of seeing sex or love as magic verfication of... What?

Growing up, I used hookups as a way to prove to myself that I am worth something. I thought that my value was defined by men’s desire. I originally in writing this wanted to show my perspective from the other side of the same coin, but after realizing how much of an undertaking that would be, I decided to start with the two most common answers from men used as justification to why they think they won’t get laid. These are things I find will help these kinds of people out, but as a great thinker once said...

“I can’t mom you through this one, boys. You are on your own.” - Contrapoints

(I link songs I like through out btw, the underlined text are links you can click on)

Foreword: Social factors

The average age of first intercourse has been rising in the US. Teenagers have less sex than ever before. These changes will affect you. In teen movies and shows charakters often experiment with sexuality before the age of 18. Everything else is played as an abnormality. If we compare ourselves to this misrepresentation of teenage sexuality, of course we seem like the losers.

“The proportion of young people who have had sexual intercourse increases rapidly as they age through adolescence”. It’s very likely, at least from my view, that you are just going to grow out of the awkward zone of wanting intimacy but not getting it. Just like you grew out of other things, such as bad musical taste or that one gaudy outfit. Don’t stress over this one specifically either.

Adolescence is weird for all of us. Even if your first encounter is after college, let’s be real here: having such a good thing in your own place without your parents looming or having to share your room with a roommate you barely know is so much better anyway.

The Ugly fuck too

A common answer to my question why they think that they will never have sex is that they are “unattractive”. The implication being, that sex is the prize for looking a certain way.

But is it? We are so used to the perfect, porn-ready bodies in the media that we forget that the Ugly fuck too. We never see the foldes of fat and skin, never see acne warriors or moles, never see people who actually look like us.

In the movie “The Parasite”, there is a scene where the husband of Gook Moon-gwang, the former housekeeper, is implied to have sex. (the clip, starts at 3:00) It gave me weird feelings of discomfort, as the illusion so stereotypically found on the silver screen was not present. These two characters are not pretty. They look old. She is fat and he is a balding skeleton. They are not special, and that’s okay.

Being fuckable does not equal beauty. Being fuckable does not equal beauty. It was a terrifying thought initially for someone like me who defined their value over beauty & their beauty as being fuckable. It might also be a scary thought for someone who doesn’t think that they deserve love and intimacy because of their looks. I promise you that you still deserve love! Sex did not cure my problems with my appearance, or the fact that I based my self-esteem on the way I look. It will not make you feel normal. It will not make you feel better, prove your worth or even give you more self esteem in the long term beyond the initial rush of dopamine. It is not a caravan to fulfillment.

Beauty is a concept that is based on exclusion. Allow yourself to feel the pain of being excluded, of not reaching the impossible beauty standards and the disadvantages that come with it. Allow yourself to feel the fear of not being “man enough” and be happy in spite of it.

“Patriarchal masculinity teaches us to control our pain, but it can block us from experiencing the grief that is part of a full life. Chasing pleasure and controlling pain is patriarchal. Opening ourselves up to joy and grief is to be fully human.”

”Those of us in that skinny nerd category are especially prone to thinking that we aren’t “man enough.” [..] But the more I talked to men, the more convinced I became that almost all men at some point in their lives don’t feel man enough. Even the men I thought were the “real men” were scared.

That’s not surprising. Masculinity in patriarchy—that is, masculinity in a system of institutionalized male dominance—trains men to be competitive, in pursuit of conquest, which leads to routine confrontation, with the goal of always being in control of oneself and others. But no matter how intensely competitive one is, no matter how complete the conquest, no matter how many successful confrontations, and no matter how much one stays in control—men are haunted by the fear that they aren’t man enough, that they can never stop proving their masculinity.” - Robert Jensen

Stop comparing your appearance to other men’s. Start talking and bonding with them over your undoubtably shared insecurities rooted in society’s relentless toxic masculinity. Unlearning the things you’ve been indoctrinated into since conception is damn hard. I am still in the middle of it personally, but I promise you it is worth it. It will improve not only your relationships with other men, but also with yourself and that one girl you’re pining after.

There are a ton of resources targeted at women about self acceptance, but not many for men. Robert Jenson comes from a tradition of critical men’s groups. Even though I don’t agree with him on everything, he manages to scare most men (especially the kind I mentioned in the first paragraph) to their core, but also improves their lives drastically with his kindness and radical ideas. I implore you to look him up, and try your best to keep an open mind.

“A person who functions normally in a sick society is themselve sick.”

The other most common answer  to the initial question was “being socially maladjusted”, implying that sex is something you earn by behaving a certain way. It is ingrained in the way we talk about love. “Deserving love” is the best example. Neither love nor sex is a product of work. Love and intimacy are a lot like sleep. It is a slow but unconscious process. You slowly work into it, with no idea of what comes next, and then, after an agonizingly long moment, you’re there. The fall is not often expected or easy, is always exhilarating, but never the product of conformity to anything except comfort with who you are.

I do acknowledge that social settings can be weird, existentially unsettling, and full of unseen complexities. This is especially true if you are neurodivergent and / or struggling with mental health.  Being neurodivergent or struggling with mental health goes against the impossible, hegemonically masculine standard of always being in controll. It’s a common cause behind feelings of emasculation. Disregard that feeling, and remember that you deserve love, no matter how manly you are or are not, no matter how you behave.

Learning social settings are lot like learning to skate. In the beginning you will be covered in bruises, but with enough effort, you will be better at it. The chance of mistakes will get lower, but never zero. You will always have awkward situations, but that doesn’t mean that you are bad at them. It just means that you have room to improve still. Maybe consider getting lessons or joining a skate crew.

We tend to hyperfocus on the accidents. Think about how many nice conversations you had over the internet, text or otherwise. I ask you to value them. Value these positive experiences, value your friendships and acquaintances, value the people supporting you, online and offline. We tend to hyperfocus on meaningfull longterm friendships, just like we hyperfocus on love. Value your social enviroment, value someone who just made you feel ok for a moment. You are socially adapted, because you have a social enviroment you feel comfortable in, where you have relationships with people. The depth of a relationship is not messured by time, nor by physical touch. Being mindful of your feelings for the people around you can make you realize that you are less alone than you thought.

Some Tips

If you want to make friends additionally to that, here are some tips from someone, who is bad at social clues:

Join a group with a common interest or struggle: Book clubs, activist groups, selfhelp groups, they are great settings to meet new people and you already have a topic to talk about :)

If you feel save about it: Being open about your issues can help other people adapt to you and understand you better - especially in early on in relationships.

People sitting at the bar or smoking outside are generally more open for conversation

Don’t be afraid of getting rejected: They don’t reject you, when they reject a conversation with you. The reasons people don’t want to talk to you is very diverse. Stay respectful and polite.

Don’t expect to much: No one owes you a long conversation. A smalltalk is perfectly fine.

Learn to make compliments casually and learn to compliments that aren’t based on appearance.

Find a common ground (politically, a interest ect.) and talk about it

Take a improv class, seriously TAKE A IMPROV CLASS! (there are online ones, and sometimes it’s even free)

Here are some youtube videos by Anna Akana with more tips. (1) conversations, (2) how to be a better friend, (3) overthinking

Here are is a piece about being bad at relationship I liked.

Footnote: Trophies and muses

“We do not want to do the work of helping you to believe in your humanity. We cannot do it anymore. We have always tried. We have been repaid with systematic exploitation and systematic abuse. You are going to have to do this yourselves from now on and you know it.” - Andrea Dowkin

Behind the whole obsession with sex is often a distorted perception of women. Just remind yourself that women are human? Access to female bodies is not a human right. We are not trophies to push your ego. We are not there to inspire you or heal you. We are humans with agency. We desire love and being loved, just like everyone else.

I am tired, but I believe in your humanity...

xoxo,

aestheticritique

[discoursecatharsis]

i'm a bit out of the loop, everyone says how shitty of a human onision is there like a full list/explanation of all his crimes/shitty behavior? i already know he had a relationship with a minor so yikes

Ooh boy, it’s A Lot. He’s had a relationship with at least two minors, actually.

This person did a timeline of his abusive behavior, there’s a google doc linked in this tweet.

https://twitter.com/OnionUnprivated/status/1185209032648396800

The doc is over 100 pages though, so I’ll try to summarize as well to make it a bit shorter (though it’s still gonna be long so it’s going under a “read more”).

The tl;dr:

Basically he treated his first wife like crap, and was very creepy towards his wife’s younger sister. Divorced his wife for a 17 year old when he was ~25. Dated another women in her 20s during a break-up with this 17 year old but she caught onto his manipulative behavior quickly and dumped him after 3 weeks. He got back with the 17 (now 18) year old but they break up for good a little later. Soon after, he enters a relationship with ANOTHER 17-year-old (his current spouse, named Kai). Kai identified as a woman at the time and went by the name Lainey, but now is a transguy and goes by he/him pronouns. When Onision is 31 and Kai is 22, they enter a polyamorous relationship with an 18 year old girl.They treat her like crap, and she eventually breaks up with them. There were other girls (in their late-teens or early 20s) who came close to being in a relationship with them after that. During this time, Kai had a 16 year old “friend” who lived with them, Kai had power of attorney over her because she didn’t have a good home life. That girl has recently come forward with allegations that Greg and Kai began a sexual relationship with her shortly after she turned 18 last year, and that Kai was inappropriate with her while she was still underage. Basically they groomed her to be a third person in their relationship. Other Youtubers have come to support her and bring awareness to it to get Onision off of Youtube, some of Onision’s ex’s have come out of the woodwork with their stories, and even Chris Hansen has gotten involved.

Now onto the full list of his shitty behavior.

cw: descriptions of abusive behavior, including sexual abuse

Let’s start with his first wife, Skye:

They met in high school. I believe they’re either the same age or he’s a year older. They got married shortly after they graduated high school because he was in the military.

Onision (whose real name is Greg) left the military and started Youtube and Skye joined him in making videos together.

During their marriage, Skye said that Greg would shame her for not wearing shorts under her skirt, said that would lead to her being raped. He also insulted her for having long hair (said it made her look “Amish”). She also said that he wouldn’t let her hang out with friends or family because that’s less time/attention she’s spending with/giving him. That THEY were abusive for taking her away from her husband. He also had possession of the one phone in the house, so she shouldn’t call her family easily. He wouldn’t allow her to have a full-time job because he wanted her help making videos for the Youtube channel.

A few years into their marriage, Greg started talking to a 16 year old fan name Shiloh. They became friends and talked on Skype for hours a day. Skye begins to feel depressed.

One day out of the blue, Greg presented divorce papers to Skye and said he was leaving her for Shiloh. She was in tears, obviously upset,and he made her sign some “divorce contract.”

Skye eventually is able to visit her family, where she immediately breaks down and tells them what happened. Her sister helps her collect her things from Greg’s home. The “divorce contract” she signed was later thrown out in court because it was signed under duress.

After they divorce, Skye rightfully demands alimony. The courts grant her this. For YEARS after though, Greg emails her, complaining and begging her to bring a stop to the payments. He even threatens to take his life at one point. She ignores him and he continued paying (though with complaints and accusing her of being equivalent to a slave owner and a lot of other dumb crap).

While that was going on, there were also some incidents with Skye’s younger sister, Alicia.

Alicia alleges that when she was 15 and Greg was 18, she got drunk and Greg tried to kiss her. She dodged him and walked away to a friend. For years though, Greg had told a story in videos that she tired to kiss HIM and he acted like he was so noble for dodging HER kiss.

After divorcing Skye, Greg emailed Alicia constantly asking her to film videos together. Very clearly coming onto her though and wanting to hook up. He got so bad, she eventually lied to him and told him she was leaving the country so that he’d leave her alone and stop messaging her.

She had taken some boudoir (nude) photos that Onision searched out and found online. He saved them to his computer and showed these photos to at least two future girlfriends and admitted to pleasuring himself to the photos. Alicia was understandably creeped out by this when she found out.

Now back to that 16-year-old, Shiloh

She’s 17 at this point. Onision is about 25. She thought she had just been speaking to Onision as friends, so she was blindsided when he showed her divorce papers over Skype and said “I’m leaving my wife for you.”

She’s from Canada and was a pretty successful up-and-coming pop star up there at the time. She’s in the states for a show or something, and he drives to meet her. He goes to her hotel and they immediately have sex, she said that he didn’t even give her time to say “hey how was your trip?”

They enter a relationship quickly. There’s a lot that happens, as Shiloh has recently reappeared online and given her side of events. Basically, like Skye, he also isolated her from family and friends. Made her drop her singing career to help with his Youtube channel.

She said that Greg is very sexual and they would be intimate a lot. She said they’d have sex multiple times a day and that he’s very rough. He would hurt her during these times, and since this was her first sexual relationship, she didn’t realize that it wasn’t normal, and apparently he never checked in on her or never asked her if she was okay with the things they did. One time during sex, he stopped, took her to the bathroom and shaved her head without her consent, called her some degrading names, and then continued. She found this very humiliating and de-feminizing.

She has a seizure one day and loses a bit of her memory. She’s frightened and doesn’t know where she is. Instead of calling 911 for an ambulance, Onision films it and uploads it to his channel.

She has another breakdown at some point and ends up in the mental ward of a hospital. He doesn’t come to get her, her mom does. She went back to him for some reason.

She gets pregnant and suffers a miscarriage. The fetus never passed though, and she gets sepsis a few weeks later. Greg never cared, straight-up told her that he wasn’t going to pay for the medical bills. She goes home to Canada to get medical treatment, and her mom takes her passport to prevent her from going back to him.

She’s bullied online by Onision’s fans and disappears from the internet for years afterwards. She’s only recently begun to have a singing career again.

Next is a woman named Adrienne:

First, she wrote a letter about everything she went through if you want to read it, it’s a doozy but I’ll summarize it in bullet points cause it’s long. https://onisiondrama.tumblr.com/letter

This relationship happened during/in-between one of Greg’s break-ups with Shiloh.

Adrienne is in her 20s, closer to Greg’s age, maybe just a year younger. Also a fan of his that starts talking to him. He expresses interests in her and they start dating.

Long story short, Adrienne eventually realizes that Greg is crazy obsessive. He gets annoyed if she doesn’t answer his Skype calls or if she hangs out with friends too much.

She agrees to meet him in person anyway. He flies down to her state, and again just like with Shiloh, immediately initiates sex as soon as they get into the hotel room. There are questions of if he forced himself on her, because she said “no, no, no” but he continued. He even came in her when she said not too, and bought her plan B the next day.

He was very adamant about her moving in with him. He pressured her into quitting her job and re-homing her pets, which she was hesitant about. She agrees though and moves in with him.

Moves in very briefly though, as he throws a tantrum because she wasn’t paying attention to him or something. She catches on to his controlling behavior and leaves and breaks up with him for good.

He goes onto his Youtube channel and slanders her, and also leaves like 13 voice mails on her phone while she was at work.

All of this happened in the span of like 3 weeks, mind you.

Many believe the reason this relationship was so short-lived is because, with Adrienne being older, she didn’t fall for his abusive, manipulative tactics as easily and had more knowledge and confidence to leave him before things got bad. Notice this is the only relationship Greg enters where the partner is NOT in their teens at the start.

Next up is Laineybot/Kai, also now his accomplice in these crimes. Just this year, Kai came out of trans and uses he/him pronouns now. But when Kai first entered the picture, he went by the name Lainey (with the Youtube channel/name Laineybot) with she/her pronouns. During his transition, he also identified as nonbinary at one point and went by they/them pronouns. So excuse me if I make any mistakes and accidentally misgender at times when referring to Kai in past incidents.

Onision started talking to and dating Kai when he was 17. Like his other relationships, Kai was a fan of his. Kai’s family didn’t approve of their relationship.

Kai graduated high school and his parents sent him to college to live in a dorm… or so they thought. Kai went behind their backs and moved in with Greg (who had moved down to Kai’s state).

Shortly after Kai turned 18, they got married in court. Kai moved up to Greg’s state with him.

Kai got pregnant very soon after. They have two kids now. With the second pregnancy, Kai said that Greg wasn’t very enthusiastic and I believe Kai drove himself to the hospital when he was in labor. Some husband Greg is.

Greg also would get into frequent fights on Twitter with Kai. Example: Kai once made a tweet talking about a fun memory he had with his mom. Greg jumped in to say “your mom also did (bad thing) to you.” Kai told him to stop and he didn’t. In the public eye on twitter, so damn childish to shame your spouse’s parents and not stop when asked.

Kai is also complicit in grooming allegations that I haven’t gotten to yet. So Kai is just as bad if not worse than Greg, but also a victim of his too too. I personally believe he wouldn’t be like this if he had never met Greg. It’s too late now though.

Next in line is Billie. When Kai was still trying to figure out his identity and was switching between identifying as a woman and non-binary (and still going by Lainey at this time), Kai expressed wanting a girlfriend, which Greg supported. In comes a girl named Billie.

Billie is a newly 18-year-old Instagram model. Onision is 31 at this point and Kai is 22.

Basically Billie started as a girlfriend for Kai, but Greg weaseled his way into their relationship.

It was really gross how Greg would talk about how “beautiful” it was for “two women to make love” too (keep in mind, Kai’s experiencing dysphoria and has doubts about identifying as a women at this point, so I’m sure that’s nice to hear from your husband /s). He has this clear obsession with threesomes and polyamorous relationships, specifically f/m/f. It’s obvious that the dude just wants a harem of attractive women at his beck-and-call and doesn’t really care about his spouse exploring their sexuality.

Lots of ups and downs with Billie. Basically I think they had an agreement that they would only do intimate things together with all 3 of them. But at one point Kai leaves to run errands or visit family or something and Greg and Billie sleep together. Kai is furious but blames Billie instead of, y’know, his husband, as if it doesn’t take two to tango.

They blamed Billie a lot for being a homewrecker. Never blamed the much older responsible adult Greg, no, they blame the 18 year old.

Greg almost leaves Kai for Billie. Kai is pregnant with their 2nd kid at this point, and Greg literally almost signs over his kids to leave Kai for an 18 year old. Billie had enough though and left for good.

Billie smoked weed and Greg didn’t like that and shamed her for it. Apparently Billie smoking weed betrayed Greg and Kai’s trust, and Greg wanted Billie to be punished for it by… being tied up in his basement (”because it’d be hot” he said), shaving her head, and getting a tattoo as an “apology.” She declined and he shamed her for it.

Another reason Billie left them is because Greg wouldn’t allow her to see her family when she wanted. Greg tried to justify this by saying “Lainey only sees her family twice a year.” Another example of how isolating he is.

After breaking up for good, Billie called Greg “the worst person I’ve ever met,” Greg went on twitter and revealed very personal information about Billie, something an ex did to her. Billie was distraught as you can imagine, that her personal info was made public for all of twitter.

Next is Sarah. Sarah is the victim of the grooming accusations. She’s the person who first came out with all this a couple months ago and got the ball rolling.

Sarah was 14 when she started talking to Kai (who was going Lainey at the time). Just a fan who reached out and they became friends.

Sarah didn’t have a good home life, and expressed this to Kai. Kai invited Sarah to live with him and Greg. She accepted the invited and Sarah moved in with them. Her mom signed over “power of attorney” to Kai (so that Kai could take her to a doctor and stuff). Sarah was 16 at this time.

Sarah was around during the relationship with Billie, just to help with the timeline.

Outwardly Sarah appeared to just be friends with Greg and Kai, but recently she revealed things were not on Just Friend levels.

Sarah alleges that she and Kai would cuddle in bed together. Kai also spoke to Sarah sexually too, like telling her about how Greg was like in bed. As a 22-year-old, you do NOT discuss that stuff with your 16-year-old friend, that’s so inappropriate.

The biggest allegation: while she was still underage, Sarah and Kai  exchanged nudes. THIS is where the possible criminal charges come in, because Kai very well could go to jail for possession of child porn.

Greg was always cruel to Sarah when she was 16/17. It’s clear in videos when they had outings to like a trampoline/gymnastics place that he would bully her. He says that he treats teenagers badly so that they “won’t like him like that” but it’s really freakin’ weird. As an adult, you should be able to interact with teens WITHOUT bullying them “so they don’t fall in love with you” (? or something) wtf?? If a teen expresses interest in you, you shut that down, it’s not that hard, you don’t have to bully them and make them hate you.

When things were going south with Billie, Sarah said that at one point Greg said to Kai “why don’t we just wait for Sarah (to turn 18)?”

Sarah says that after she turned 18, they did start being sexual with her. Onision is 33 and Kai is 24 at that point. The three of them were watching a movie one night, when Sarah looked over and saw Greg and Kai having sex. Greg asked Sarah to join them, and she did because she felt pressured. 

They continued being sexual with her. She and Greg were intimate together, just the two of them at one point when Kai was out of town.

Sarah released a screenshot of a conversation between Greg and Kai where they were arguing over Sarah’s virginity (it’s so gross ugh)

The allegations first came out much earlier this year, from a friend of Billie’s who witnessed Sarah’s interactions in the home and felt something wasn’t right. Greg forced Sarah to release a video statement saying that the allegations were bogus and that Kai is innocent. That was back in like January or February. Recently Sarah released a “blooper” of her filming that statement where she was crying and saying she hated that she had to do this as more evidence that she was forced, along with texts of Greg instructing her on what to say.

Sarah hasn’t released much more details than that, but it’s clear that they groomed her so that they could engage in a sexual relationship with her as soon as they were legally able too.

And that only covers the major people in Onision’s life. There were other teenagers  also. To put it shortly, there were girls who were mainly texting Kai, almost like Kai was luring them in as “candidates” to be the 3rd person in their relationship. Lots of teenagers (mostly 17-19 year olds, maybe one 20 year old) that Kai more-or-less led on into being a relationship with just him, only for the teens to be blindsided with “btw, Greg gets in on the relationship too.” And Greg did indeed worm his way in, either through DMs or physically. Very skeevy. One of these people named Regina also exchanged nudes with Kai when they were underage. I believe they’re pursuing legal charges for that. Sarah said there are other girls who were never made public also. Greg may not be able to be charged with any crimes here, as he’s always very careful to skirt the law.

Outside of relationship troubles, he’s just a shitty, greedy person.

He treats his pets badly. A former friend took his guinea pigs because he wasn’t taking proper care of them. They get new dogs as if they’re fashion accessories.

Apparently he’s an awful father too and Kai does most of the parenting. People in their life have said that Greg doesn’t even talk to his youngest kid because she can’t speak back to him… she’s freakin’ TWO. She’s a toddler, ofc she can’t talk, how do you expect them to learn to talk if you don’t talk to them?

He’s very money-hungry. Youtube’s adpocalypse really did a number on them, but they were living WAY above their means. Had this mansion of a house, a second house that he used for filming, two teslas, and lots of expensive crap. They had to “downgrade” to a slightly smaller mansion and self the second house and sell the teslas (he recently bought another one though). During this time, he basically guilt-tripped his audience for not giving him money, said that fans who didn’t pledge to his Patreon weren’t “true fans.”

Dude is a really shitty person all around. He’s had this coming and I really hope this is finally his downfall. I first heard of him during the Shiloh incident and a little into his marriage to Kai, then he dropped off my radar until the Billie incident and I was like “how is this guy still around and still allowed to treat people like this?!” and have been following this train wreck ever since.

[etherealwaifgoddess]

To Give Him The World, Chpt.8

Main Characters: Thor x Ellie (original female character)

Summary: Sunday for Ellie and Thor is a lazy day with Thor acquainting himself with the internet and reaching out to friends. Also, Thor thinks of his future. Master List is HERE if you need to catch up.

Warnings/ Content: nothing but fluff and plot folks

Word Count: 1.4k

Author’s Note: Hello lovelies! I know this is a shorty chapter and yes, it IS the final chapter. No, I haven’t lost my mind it just happened this way. I like all the hopefulness in it though and I think you will too :)  The epilogue is going up immediately afterwards. Thanks for everyone who made it to the end with me! Love you all! XOXO - Ash

To Give Him The World, Chapter Eight

Eventually the need for caffeine drug Thor and Ellie out of the warmth of his bed and out into the world. Thor was less tense as they got their morning lattes from the cafe and picked up muffins to take back with them for breakfast. He stuck with the same latte as Ellie, wanting to wait until Monday when he could pick Marcus’ brain about the different options available. 

The delivery man with Thor’s order arrived shortly after breakfast and Thor was like a little boy on Christmas as he tore through all the boxes. Setting up his phone took no time at all but Thor realized he didn’t have anyone’s phone numbers. Hoping he still had an email saved from Pepper when she had sent everyone’s info to Peter Parker, Thor had Ellie help set up his laptop so he could check his email. Sure enough, it was saved in his inbox and Thor took his time keying in everyone’s phone numbers and email addresses into his contact list. 

“I think I’ll call my friend Steven. He used to be Captain America but now he’s quite old and retired.” Thor told Ellie while he brought up the contact info for him.

Ellie cringed looking at the clock, “That’s a great idea sweetheart, but where does Steven live? Remember, time zones are a thing here.” 

“Oh.” Thor’s face fell, disappointed he’d have to wait. “He lives in Brooklyn.” 

“So it’s about five in the morning where he is. Why don’t we wait a few hours and call him after you’re sure he’s awake.” 

“Yes, I suppose. Pepper and Bruce live in California, that’s even worse, isn’t it?”

“Three more hours behind, yeah. You’ll just have to call them later this afternoon, I’m sure they’ll be happy to hear from you.”  

Thor nodded, resigned that there was nothing he could do about the time difference. “Can we finish setting up my phone and then play Assassin's Creed?” 

“Absolutely. Let’s get into the app store and download a few games for you.” 

Ellie showed Thor what she had on her phone and made suggestions for what he might enjoy. It took a while setting it all up but they had nothing but time and Thor seemed genuinely interested in the concept of social media. He remembered the other avengers talking about things like Instagram and Twitter and decided to set up accounts with Ellie’s help so he could connect with them on there. Thor got a little lost on Instagram, sifting through the endless pictures his friends had posted of their lives. Steve posted pictures of dogs he met on his walks through the park, Sam posted lots of aerial views from his flights, Pepper posted pictures of Morgan and motivational memes she liked, Bruce mostly posted pictures of food and a few of his lab. It was enjoyable to see the world through their eyes, finally feeling like a part of it again.

Ellie had wanted to give Thor the world back and she succeeded. He was commenting on pictures and replying to tweets like a pro by the time they took a break for lunch. After a quick meal of sandwiches and chips Thor checked the time, deeming it late enough to try Steve. Ellie was washing up the dishes while Thor listened to the line ring, nervously waiting. 

“Hello?” a familiar voice said over the line. 

“Friend Steven!” Thor boomed with relief, “It’s Thor!”

“Thor, wow.” Steve was surprised but happy to hear from him. “Did you get a new phone?”

“A cell phone, my friend Ellie helped me set it up.” 

“That’s great, pal. Welcome to the twenty-first century.” 

Thor chuckled and carried on the conversation, asking about any new dogs Steve met at the park. Steve was even more surprised to learn Thor joined Instagram and the two chatted about how amazing technology could be at keeping people in touch. Ellie watched Thor’s animated expressions as he talked with his friend and she excused herself to go throw in a load of laundry, fighting back the tears prickling at her eyes. She was so happy for him, he deserved a chance for a better life and he seemed to be embracing it wholeheartedly. Who knew life could change so much in just a few days. 

Thor was still on the phone when Ellie found him in the living room where he had moved to in between calls. He was talking to Pepper about how the Avengers Training Initiative was going and she eventually caved to her daughter’s pleas in the background; passing the phone to Morgan so she could tell Uncle Thor all about her science fair project that won first prize. Thor chuckled and did his best to keep up with the science jargon that spilled so easily from the little girl. Morgan admitted that Uncle Bruce let her use his lab and helped just a little bit, but insisted she did most of it all by herself. Thor was beaming with pride when he got Pepper back on the line, so proud of the amazing little girl she and Tony had created. Pepper agreed she takes after Tony more and more every day. It was bittersweet talking about Tony but Thor managed. When he ended the call, promising to consider coming out to California for Christmas, he found Ellie for a long hug. The pain of loss was still sharp but he comforted himself in Ellie’s arms instead of alcohol. Finally he broke away, feeling a little more steady, and wanting to call Bruce next. 

Thor spent almost an hour on the phone with Bruce. There was something calming about talking to Bruce who knew exactly what Thor was going through in trying to cope with emotions that just seemed too big sometimes. Bruce promised to call Thor regularly now that he had his number and offered to be a sounding board for him if he needed one. Steve had made a similar offer and Thor realized his friends were still there for him even after his months of self imposed solitude. 

Ellie kept herself busy by checking her emails, playing her new puzzle game, and watching a little TV while Thor continued making his calls. He eventually had to plug his phone in, having worn the battery down when Sam taught him how to video call with someone. Sam was enthusiastic to say the least, grinning wide, and proud of Thor for “re-entering society”. Sam told Thor a little about his work at the VA and offered to send him links to some great books on dealing with loss and PTSD. Ellie was amused but encouraging when Thor asked for her help setting up an Amazon account to order the books Sam recommended. 

The sun had set long ago and Ellie was finishing up cooking dinner when Thor finally hung up his last call of the day. He had spoken to each and every one of his fellow Avengers over the course of the afternoon and felt more connected to the world than he had in years. He watched Ellie moving around the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner, so thankful she had come back into his life.

Thor came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her snug against him. Ellie let out a startled squeak but leaned back into his embrace. “Thank you.” he said, his voice rough with heartfelt meaning.

“For what?” she asked, unsure where his gratitude was coming from.

“You’ve given me the world. I was so lost for a very long time. I didn’t think I’d ever find my way back.” 

“You just needed to be ready, sweetheart. You are now, and look how far you’ve come in the last few days. This is all you, I just helped you remember that you could.” 

Thor struggled to accept her sentiment but did feel the beginnings of pride in himself for putting in so much effort to pull himself out of the pit he’d been hiding in. He expected to be more anxious knowing Ellie would be heading home in a few hours but armed with his new phone it seemed much more manageable. Thor realized he was actually making plans again, something he hadn’t done since before the Snap. He knew that on Monday he was going to go out and see Marcus about trying a new latte. On Tuesday Bruce was going to call him again to check in. Thor thought Wednesday might be a good day to try and take a walk around the community garden if he was up to it. If he managed that alright he was going to try and surprise Ellie at work with lunch on Friday. The outside world no longer seemed intimidating and Thor was eager to rejoin it. 

~ The End ~

Taglist lovelies: @thorfanficwriter @lancsnerd @avengers-fixation

[mysherlockstardis]

Shane Dawson comforted me during a panic attack at Universal Studios in 2016

TLDR: Shane comforted me during a panic attack over losing my phone at Universal Studios while nobody (except Ryland) was looking. (Kind of funny, and emotional, please don’t send hate)

Proof: https://twitter.com/shanedawson/status/734264357501165568?s=20

I will not ever, ever, ever, defend the actions or choices that Shane has made.

I can only share with you my one chance encounter where Shane did the most honorable and kind thing to a flustered, anxious fan who had just lost her phone at Universal Studios.

I’ve been watching Shane’s videos for a long time. I was a young girl, who was playing around on youtube after school, and Shane Dawson was a very popular youtuber at the time. I wanna say the year was 2009 or 2010 when I began regularly watching “Shane Dawson”. Over the years, I have seen him leave his old characters behind, and watched as he continued to grow and develop his own unique brand of humor.

As a fan of Shane from his earlier years as a creator, I feel embarrassed that I was watching content that was not appropriate and not the type of humor I approve of or identify with today. Unfortunately, Shane’s popularity stemmed from people, including myself, not realizing how harmful that brand of humor was and what kinds of stereotypes and stigmas he was perpetuating through his successful videos. I was a latchkey kid, only child, and 12 years old. I had a crush on the popular YouTuber who made popular comedy sketches with millions of views. I was ignorant. So, was Shane.

However, Shane has survived years on this platform, because he evolves and changes. He makes mistakes. He apologizes and he tries to move on and grow. I think he has always done that.

Anyways, I digress.

In 2016, I went to Universal Studios. It had been a long day, and I am one of those people who always has my phone in my hand. Late at night, my family and I arrive at our car and I realize I can’t find my phone. My phone is my life, because yes I am one of those people whose phones are their lives. I was freaking the fu#k out. Also, I knew my phone was at like 14%, so I knew it was probably dead or stolen.

So, I come sprinting around the corner, on a frantic search outside universal studios. I slow down to take a couple of breaths and I look up to see Shane and Ryland Adams.

It was 2016, so Shane’s channel had evolved to like those food review videos and DIY’s and like Shane sitting in front of his camera in a kitchen making jokes. But I had started college and I wasn’t watching youtube videos as much anymore.

But, when I saw Shane, I reflexively yelled “Shane Dawson!” and stopped dead in my tracks.

I can’t reiterate to you how scary I must have looked and I will put a link to the photo, because you can low-key see the weird panic, fear, and excitement I was feeling in that moment.

I was out of breath and in shock looking like a deer in headlights. Shane and I made eye contact, and let me tell you. Shane looked worried. He looked so worried. I can remember that his face was saying something along the lines of “Oh my god, is this girl about to faint on me?”.

I was in a full blown panic attack, but Shane just calmly calls back “hello!”, and opens his arms like he’s ready for me to jump into them for a hug. Or like he might need to try and catch me if I pass out.  

But, I end up low-key throwing myself into his arms and I need you to know that he hugged me so fully. He hugged me, like I was his friend, and I could honestly sense the concern he had for me in that moment.  

I was bedraggled, out of breath, in the middle of an anxiety attack, and so completely starstruck by his presence.

Fun fact: I remember watching Shane’s vlogs back when he was close friends with Brittani Louise Taylor and they did one at Universal Studios (maybe 2010,2011). And the 2x times I had been to universal studio before the time I met Shane, I would always think of Shane hanging out there and how cool it would be to run into him while he was vlogging. I digress, again.

So, Shane takes me in his arms, and Ryland doesn’t do anything to ruin the moment. He doesn’t tell Shane they have to leave. He doesn’t try and end our conversation. I didn’t know who Ryland Adams was in 2016. I wanted to be mature so I introduced myself to him and like shook his hand and apologized for not recognizing him, because I was freaking out and I didn’t realize how horrible that sounded. Ryland totally brushed it off like a sweetheart.

I told Shane about how I arew up watching him, and how I bonded with my best friend from high school over our shared love for him. Because yes, I met other people my age who became fans of Shane as young ignorant children with too much time and internet access (arguably).

I do remember wanting to ask him about his old content, but deciding not too. Because even then I knew that I was glad he had changed as an artist. I was glad he had grown from the content that had made me feel rebellious and at times uncomfortable as a child. And btw, Shane had no control over who watched his videos just like Jake Paul, but unlike Jake I don’t think Shane ever targeted a 12 year old audience, I think those were just the people who were watching him.

So, then came my big dilemma. I wanted a picture. I wanted a picture with Shane Dawson so bad.

BUT I HAD LOST MY PHONE

I was freaking out. I wanted a picture and I was so afraid he wouldn’t be able to give me a picture. Logically, I knew Shane could never, ever give his personal phone number to a fan he just met on the street. I wouldn’t have expected him too or wanted him too, but I was not in the right mind.

I was not in the right mind at all. Bless Shane, because he knew to give me so many hugs. So, so, so many hugs, I wanna say 4 or 5 genuine hugs. Like basically holding me, because I was so flustered.

I felt guilty because I really needed to find my phone, and I didn't want to waste his time, but I really wanted a photo before I walked away. But, my panic attack was literally worsening by the second as I considered every second I was sprinting towards my phone as another second my phone could be stolen. Please let me be clear when I say that I knew that my request was going to be denied, but that I am a 23 year old who doesn't like social media, so the most obvious solution was not presented by me.

I ask him, “Can we take a photo, I don’t have a phone. Could you text it to me?” BAHAHAAHAHAAHHAHHAHHAAHAH

I had a twitter and I still have that twitter, but I never go on it. I never considered that Shane could use his social media.

But thankfully, Shane does. He very sweetly offered to take and tweet me a photo of us. He ends up taking a couple and I know he said he wanted to take a second photo to get his angles or something, but I totally know it was for my sake.

Listen, I can’t defend what Shane has or has not done behind the scenes as of late. I can’t defend anything he did on camera a decade or less ago. Regardless, this man rose to popularity and has remained popular and it wasn’t always for the best reasons, but people have loved him through every change he’s made.

Both him and his base were ignorant 10 years ago, but I think we have all evolved and learned better. I think Shane cares about his fans deeply, and I think that the internet has made it impossible for people to move on from their mistakes. I think we have all done something stupid that we regret. And thankfully, for most of us, our mistakes are not forever ingrained on the internet.

He owed me nothing. He didn’t owe me time. He didn’t owe me a photo. He didn’t owe me hugs or any attention. He wasn’t at an event getting paid. He wasn’t vlogging it for millions of people to watch. He was trying to be there for a girl who wasn’t making any sense. A girl who was stumbling to talk to him because she had no clue as to what she wanted to say to the person who felt like a friend she hung out with after school. Even though that friend made poor choices and was a pretty bad role model. He was still like a friend.

I just wanted to let people know that morality is hard for all humans. What he did was wrong. What he didn’t do was wrong. He’s messed up over and over, but I do think he has a profound love for his fans. I think even adults like myself make poor choices, and do stupid things, but we aren't famous so nobody knows or cares.

I think showed a lot of good character that day, even if he's made horrible consequential mistakes that will follow him forever. I will always remember the kind man who saw a crazy fan great kindness.

I plan to pass this story along, because I want people to know that I think Shane has grown and changed, and made mistakes, and he will grow and change again. He is young, and society has much to improve on.