#also season 4 will never be LOVED by ME because the episodes are two hours long which is just annoying

[maddy-ferguson]

byler tumblr is a crazy crazy place because why do people get booed for disliking some stuff in canon. isn't that idk normal in fandoms

[nyasiaaaaa]

In the Bleak Mid-Winter

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Fem reader (Nurse)  Fem reader x Arthur ( platonic )

Summary: This is a story about two people who become constants in each others lives, and eventually fall for each. While one learns to love again, the other learns the cost of loving a man like him. 

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Cursing, angst, fluff ,Tommy Shelby, y/n eats ( If I missed anything or you think something should be added please tell me.) Major character death from season 4 episode like 1/2

A/N: part 1 takes place during season two, part 2/3 season 3 and 4/5/6 season 4. This is a Slow burn there will be smut eventually. 

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4   part 5

********************

It's been a year. 

A lot of things have changed since then; you've changed. 

You're not the same person you were a year ago; you're still a nurse and still work in the hospital, but in London now. 

You know the other nurse in hospital like the last, you eat lunch together but never go out. They always ask, but you always have the same excuse. 

It's not like you're lying. You really don't have anyone to watch her, but if you wanted to, you could find someone, but don't. Honestly, though, you prefer the company of a bottle of whiskey over anyone else. 

You also never have the energy to do anything anymore; you wake up throughout the night, then wake up to go to work, come home tired from a 12-hour shift, and go to sleep to do it all over again. 

You barely eat, you barely sleep. 

When you look in the mirror, you're just a hollow version of yourself, like you don't have control over your body. You're just sitting back as it goes through the motions, as someone else controls you. 

She's not the only reason you can't sleep; if she's not waking you up because of her screams, you're waking yourself up with your own. 

These nightmares are so haunting that most times, after you wake up, you just stay up. 

And that's where you're at now, waking up from a dream like every other night. 

You thrash around in your bed and suddenly wake up coughing as you grab hold of your throat. You get up from your bed, covered in sweat, and walk downstairs to the kitchen, rubbing your chest as you catch your breath. 

You walk around the corner to the kitchen and instantly jump when you see someone sitting at your table in the dark. The old you would've freaked, grabbed your gun and threatened them.

But you now couldn't care less; you just grabbed two glasses and a bottle of whiskey off the drink table. You bring it over and set it down, pouring the whiskey into each cup, filling it halfway, and then sliding one over to your companion. 

You then sit down and take a swing of your drink before reaching for your pack of cigarettes. 

"Want one," you ask, holding a cig out to them.

They take it, and you pull out one more for yourself; you then strike up a match, reaching towards them to light theirs first; once they got closer to the flame, it became clear who was sitting at this table with you. 

You light the cigarette, then pull the match to light your own; you take a drag, hold it in, and then blow it out. You do this action a couple more times, and neither of you says a word as you smoke; you both just sit there in silence. 

You finish up your cig, put it out in the ashtray, then proceed  to light another. Again, you smoke in silence, but this time, as you're almost finished with your cig, you speak up. 

"I thought you would've sent Micheal," You say as you reach to ash your cig in the ashtray.

He finishes up his cig, putting it out before responding to you. "He was busy," he shrugs. 

"'M honestly, I would've preferred Micheal." You put your cig out and then took a sip of your drink.

"Well, looks like you're out of luck 'cause I'm here." 

"Yes, you are; please do tell me why it is that you're here after all this time." 

"We got served a black hand," he spoke with such seriousness, but you were confused. 

"Ok, am I supposed to know what that means or what it has to do with me" 

He took a deep breath and said, "We have to tighten house. We killed one of theirs way back, and now they're coming to get even." 

You pursed your lips and turned your head to the side, slightly shrugging your shoulders. "And what does that have to do with me." 

"They killed John." 

"May he rest in peace? "even though you didn't mean for it to, it had come out more like a question than a statement. 

"But again, what does this have to do with me," you asked

He let out a dry laugh, licking his lips, then got up and got in your face. He took hold of your wrist and bent down to your height. 

"Because the Italian Mafia doesn't care if you don't fuck with me, they are going to kill everyone that has ever spoken to me, anyone who's ever been close to me to hurt me to break me down before killing me."

Even though he tried to seem calm and collected, you couldn't see it in his eyes or face, but you could hear it in his voice. 

He was hurting. 

You ripped your wrist from his grip and stood up, moving closer to him and getting in his face. 

"Well, Tommy, it seems like you have a real problem on your hands; best of luck to you." You smiled at him, then stood up and began to walk away

Suddenly, you were pushed against the wall and turned to face him. 

"Look, I—"his speech was cut short once he heard a cry coming from upstairs; his eyes darted down to you, his head tilted as he looked at you. 

"Tommy, I-"you start but stop once Tommy pushes off you.

You tried to get past him to go up the steps first, but he pulled out a gun on you and pushed you back into the kitchen. He slowly took a step back as you took steps forward.

"Do it, Do it, Tommy. Be a man. Do it," You said as you walked forward; you held your head high as you spoke so there was no room for doubt on Tommy's part. 

He looked at you, puzzled, then shut the door in your face. You immediately rushed to the door, but it was too late. He locked it. You tightened your grip on the door knob as you jiggled it relentlessly, 

"Tommy…. Fuck— Tommy, please" You were starting to panic; you had to get to her first. 

You dashed over to the drawers and started to throw everything out and slam it shut as you moved on to the next one. The key was in one of these drawers; it had to be you had remembered putting it in here you—

You found it in the last drawer; you ran over to the door but slipped on the things you had thrown on the floor and fell on your back, making the key fall out of your hand. You hop on your knees, ignoring the pain in your back that grew with every move you made as you searched the now messy floor for the key; you can already barely see because of the darkness, but the tears that start to build only make it worse. 

Your hand brushed against something sharp, and you turned your head in its direction as you stretched your hand out again, patting it around. Your hand instantly comes in contact with the cold metal key. You grab it, rushing to the door. You try to place the key in the door, but it keeps brushing past the hole. 

You stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again, and despite your shaking hand, you were able to place the key in and unlock the door. As soon as the door opens, you ran up the step to her room. 

It's too late. 

You walk into the room and see Tommy holding your daughter in his hands. 

Without thinking, you say, "She's not yours." 

It's a lie, you know it, and so does he. Anyone could see from a mile away that she was his, and it's not like she looked like him or you even; she was still too young to look like anyone. But she had those eyes, the same eyes her father had. 

You look up at Tommy and know you are in trouble. He had just met her, and already he was in love. He was already hell-bent on taking you with him, but now that he knew of her, there was no way he was letting y'all go. 

You're about to speak up but get cut off by some men behind you.

"We're here, Mr.Shebly. What do you want us to do?" 

You didn't turn around to see if you knew the men; you just kept your eyes forced ahead on Tommy. 

"Pack up the house, everything; we'll go through it later and see what we want." He barely spoke above a whisper and never looked up as he slowly rocked your baby back and forth. 

"Oi sir and your car is ready when you are." 

"Thank you, curly." 

They left, leaving you and Tommy alone. 

You opened your mouth to speak but didn't know what to say, so you stood there like a gaping fish as you struggled to find words. 

"It doesn't matter what you say; tonight, you will leave here with me, and so will the baby. You can put up a fight, but we will drug you if we must." The way he spoke, you knew he meant it; there would not be a fight, you couldn't take on Tommy, let alone all the men downstairs.

 So you just nodded your head, ok. 

Satisfied with your answer, he proceeded to exit the room but then stopped and turned towards you. 

"What's her name," he asks. 

"Ruby" 

"Ruby," He whispers, "Hi. Ruby, grab what you want and meet me in the car," He says, then leaves and goes downstairs. 

You want to cry, tear the room to pieces, throw a fit, and just sit there and cry. But you can't, so you make yourself and your daughter a travel bag, packing only what you need and leaving the rest for the guys to pack up. 

You finish packing and head upstairs; you walk past the men packing up your kitchen and head straight for the car. Once you're outside, you see a man waiting for you by the backseat door; he opens it for you as you approach it. You walk up to him, handing off your luggage, giving him a smile, and thanking him before sliding in next to Tommy, who's still holding your daughter tight to his chest. 

The driver places your stuff in the trunk, runs over to the driver's side, and hops in, wasting no time. He takes off instantly, driving to a destination unknown to you. 

 You glance over at Tommy, who is still in awe at seeing your daughter. You don't even try to take your baby away from Tommy, knowing that he will hold her as long as he can. 

So you sit there staring out the window, saying goodbye to the place you've called home for the past year, and try not to cry.

************************

For a long time, you were confused; you knew this wasn't the way to Tommy's house. It was east, and you had been heading west. You were about to ask where you were going, but then you started to recognize your surroundings, the shops you've walked past hundreds if not thousands of times. You even saw some people you knew past patients. 

You were back in Birmingham. 

Soon after you cross the line into Birmingham, it doesn't take long for you to reach your destination; you pull up next to many small townhomes. 

 Before you  get the chance, your door is opened for you, thanking the driver as you step out and observe your surroundings.  

"Where are we, Tommy," you ask. 

"We're home," he says simply, then starts making his way into one of the homes. 

You follow closely behind him as he steps into the house; you take in your new surroundings as you follow him; there are steps directly in front of you and a living room to your right that leads Into a kitchen. As soon as you step into the living room following Tommy, you're greeted by a maid who cut you off as you are about to ask Tommy another question. 

"Welcome back, Mr. Shebly. I set Charlie down for a nap upstairs a few minutes ago and just put dinner in the oven. Do you need anything else from me before I go" 

"No, Mary, that will be all thank you."

"It's not a problem, Mr.Shelby," she said, then went to leave but suddenly stopped at the door. "Oh, and I've had a bassinet put upstairs per your request." She gave both of you a tight smile, shutting the door as she exits, leaving you and Tommy alone. 

Tommy doesn't say a word as he turns away from you and walks upstairs; you're about to start looking around when a knock comes at the door. You get to the front to open it and is greeted by the driver, who has your bags in hand. You reach out, taking them from his hands and setting them to the side before giving him a smile. 

"Thank you so much; hold on, let me find my purse to pay you," you say as you step away from him in search of your bags.

The driver quickly stops you in your tracks when he calls after you using a name you've never heard associated with you. 

"Oi, that's quite alright, Mrs.Shebly; Tommy pays me good," he said, giving you a smile, then shuts the door before you could even correct him. 

"Ok," you say yourself as you shrug it off; you turn around just in time to see Tommy walking down the step, and you notice that your daughter is no longer in his hand. You assumed he must've put her down upstairs in the crib Mary set up. 

Once he gets down the steps, he immediately makes his way toward the Living room. He sits down in one of the chairs, and you decide to take a seat across from him. 

He pulls out his pack of cigs, offers you one, which you accept, and then takes one for himself. His lights yours first, then his own. You take a couple drags of your cig, then begin asking him a million questions you have swimming around in your head. 

"How long do we have to stay here," you ask as you blow out smoke and then take another drag. 

He shrugs his shoulders as he waves his hand around in no particular manner, "for however long it takes." 

You press your lips tightly and roll your eyes; you take a deep breath and let it out as you speak again, "Are we staying here with you."

"Yeah" 

"Is it safe?" 

"Yeah, you will have two guards stationed outside 24/7." 

"And where will you be?" 

"Out" 

"So Tommy, let me get this straight: I'm supposed to stay here for who knows how long, under constant surveillance from your men, and I'm assuming I'm not allowed to leave." You paused, waiting for an answer, to which he gave you a slight nod back. "Right, so basically, I'm a prisoner; I'm your prisoner. I'm not ok with that, Tommy. I-" 

Arthur suddenly burst through your door, calling out for Tommy. 

"Oi Tommy, I- "Arthur paused once his eyes landed on you; a big smile slowly crept up his face as he started making his way towards you.

"Sista, it's good to see you," Arthur said as he hugged you, picking you up slightly. 

"It's good to see you too...... I'm so sorry about John," you said as you hugged him back, and you were being honest. You didn't miss anything from your old life, but Arthur. After all the years, y'all were around each other. He truly started to feel like the brother you never had. 

Arthur pulled back from you slightly and looked you in the eyes; you gave him a tight smile, then pulled him back closer and hugged him tighter. 

Arthur pulled back again as he asked you a question, "Oi, I heard I had a niece. Where she." 

Before you were able to answer his question, Tommy interrupted you. 

"Are you two finished yet" You heard Tommy ask from behind you, making Arthur drop you. 

"Sorry, Tommy," he chuckled as he stepped further from you. "There's been an incident down at the boat house; we need you down there." 

"Thank you, Arthur; I'll meet you outside," Tommy said, then went into the kitchen to gather his things. 

Arthur gave you a small smile and whispered a quick bye before heading outside. 

You turn to face Tommy, who is putting on his coat; you see his collar sticking up, so you go over to him to help him fix it. You grab onto the jacket and pull him in close to you. 

"When will you be back?" You ask as you pat down his collar.

"When I'm finished" 

"That's not cool, Tommy; we have things we need to talk about." You grab on his collar and tighten. 

He gave you a look that you could only describe as assumed, then pulled you off him, holding your wrist in his hands. 

"And we will when I get back," he said, dropping your wrist and walking away. He suddenly stopped and turned around to face you. "Watch Charlie for me," He said with a tight smile, then reached for the door. 

You are so fed up with his bullshit that you pick up the first thing your hands touched and throw it at him. 

"Fuck you, Tommy" You screamed at him as the glass cup left your hands. 

Your aim is ass, so the cup smashed against the wall next to him, missing him by a couple feet. But still, it stopped him in his tracks; he stood there for a second, then turned around to face you, gave you a smug smile, then said

"You already did love." 

He quickly went to the door, leaving you there standing there stunned. 

You're so mad at him for coming into your life (again), picking you up, and dragging you into his mess (again). He constantly treats you like gum on the bottom of his shoe, and you're tired of it. 

You have this anger building up inside you; you're so mad, so you do the only thing you can think of. 

You scream.

You stand there and scream; you yell out towards the ceiling; you scream till your lungs start to burn. And then you collapse onto the floor. 

How did you end up here again? You thought you finally got away from this life. 

Before you had a chance to wallow in your self-pity, you heard a cry come from upstairs. You get slowly and make your way up the narrow stairs. Once you get upstairs, you notice there are only two rooms upstairs, one the bathroom and the other the bedroom. 

You enter the bedroom and see Charlie still fast asleep on the bed, the only bed, you might add. Your baby cried from her bassinet, and you went over, picking her up and rocked her  back and forth in her arms. She must've heard your scream and got startled. You were really loud; you're shocked that Charlie didn't wake up. 

You were able to get her back to sleep quite quickly; you placed her back in her bassinet and walked out the door back downstairs. 

As you walked down the steps, you started to sniff the air around you; it smelled like something was burning. 

You took off sprinting towards the kitchen once you remembered the dinner Mary said she had placed in the oven. You yanked the oven open and reached in to take the pan out. 

You jump back, saying a million curse words as you immediately pull your thumb in your mouth. You are so out of it that you forgot an oven mitt. You suck on your thumb for a couple of more seconds as you glance around the kitchen till your eyes land on the oven mitt. You grab them off the counter, head back to the oven, and pull the pot, placing it on the top of the stove. 

You open the pot, and to your surprise, it's a chicken roast dinner, and it's not that burnt, only a bit; really, it just looks extra crispy. 

You place the top back on and glance down at the clock next to the stove; it's barely a quarter past three. 

You decide to let the meal cool down, you get your bag from the door, and put it up where you see best upstairs. 

After you finished unpacking what you had on hand, you pre-made a couple of bottles for your daughter and then joined Charlie in the bed for a little nap after scooting him over a bit. 

That boy sleeps wild.

***********************

You felt yourself being shaken back and forth softly as if it was too hard for the person to push you. You open your eyes slowly and squint as they try to adjust to the dark; you look around the room in search of the person who worked you up, and soon, your eyes land on the smaller version of Thomas Shelby. 

The little boy turned his head to the side as she looked at you curiously. 

You sat up on your elbows and took a quick glance over to the clock next to you; it was seven on the dot. You turned back and looked over at Charlie, who was still looking at you.

"Yes, Charlie," you asked. 

"I'm hungry; where, Da," he asked, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands. 

"He's out right now; I'm here. Is that ok," you asked; he nodded slowly in response.

"Ok, good, I have some food downstairs for you; we just have to get the baby up and well go, ok." 

"Baby?"

"Yeah, come look." You stood up, grabbed him, placed him on your hip, and showed him the baby below. 

"Who that" 

You thought about your answer before you responded to him. You didn't see the harm in telling him the truth, so you said, "She's your sister; her name is Ruby." 

He turned up to look at you so quick that you thought he gave himself whiplash. 

"My sista," he gasped and then tried to reach down to touch her.

"Yep, but wait, be careful, I'll put you down, and I'll grab her and show you." 

You put him down softly and then pick up your little girl; she begins to stir as you gently pick her up. You turned to see Charlie sitting waiting patiently with his feet swinging off the side of the bed. 

You sat down next to him and turned your body to face him; he glanced down at the baby, up at you, and down at the baby again. 

"Wow!" He said, then jumped down from the bed and took hold of your hand.

"Come on, me and baby hungry," he said, leading you downstairs. 

Once you got downstairs, you had him sit at the small table in the kitchen, and you kept Ruby in your arms as you fixed him a plate and then yourself. You warmed both plates on the stove and grabbed a pre-made bottle from the fridge while you waited. 

You sat down next to Charlie and offered him a proposition: "You want to feed her with me." 

He shook his head up and down so fast and tried to reach out to her. 

You pulled away from him slightly. "Wait, I'll hold her, and you hold the bottle, ok?"

He nodded and waited for you to give him the bottle; you showed him how to hold the bottle at an angle best for the baby and then let him take over. 

He reached over you slightly as he held the bottle to Ruby, and she took it instantly, drinking fast. 

After she was finished, you took her back upstairs to sleep; when you came back down, your food was finished warming, so you took both your plates out and cut up the food for him before handing it to him. 

Together, y'all both sat at the table and ate in silence.

"Are you my new ma" 

The piece of chicken you placed in your mouth instantly went down the wrong pipe, and you started to cough, your eyes began to water as your chest tightened. You reach for your glass of water on the table as you beat against your chest. 

As you drank your water, you glanced over at Charlie, who had started playing with his food. You cleared your throat a couple of times as you rubbed against it and drank more water, then set the cut back down next to your plate. 

You smack your lips against your teeth as you begin to speak. "Umm, w-what makes you uhhh what makes you say that." 

Charlie shrugged his causal shoulders, still glancing down at his food. "You're staying here with me and da; you sleep in the same bed as me and da and your baby’s ma." 

You tilted your head to the side, a puzzled look dancing across your face; you leaned down closer to Charlie and asked him a question, "You're four right." 

"Yep," he said, popping a piece of chicken in his mouth. 

"Um, yeah, no, Charlie, I'm not your "new" ma, and if I was, I wouldn't be your new ma, just another one, ok. Cause you ma Grace will always be your ma." 

He didn't say anything back to you, just nodded back slowly; it was clear that he was full now and probably was sleepy again. You assumed that you both had a long day of travel and these significant changes would take a second to get used to. 

You took both plates away, deciding that you were also finished eating; you quickly cleaned the plates and placed them in the drying rack. After you put the pot of food in the fridge, you pick Charlie up, take him upstairs with you. 

By the time your foot hit the last step, Charlie was somehow fast asleep; you brought him into the bedroom and carefully placed him down in the middle of the bed. You grab the covers, bring them over his body, and tuck him in slightly. 

After you check on your baby and find her still fast asleep. You decide to go back downstairs and sit in the living room to wait for Tommy; he should be home soon; he has been gone for hours now. Whatever he had to work on should be done by now……. Right?

.

.

.

You feel your oxygen supply getting cut off, and you start to struggle to breathe; you try to turn your head but to no avail because whatever's is on top of you is keeping you in place.

You begin to panic as you realize that you are asleep and have to force yourself away to be able to deal with whatever is keeping you from breathing. 

You feel your fingers begin twitching, then your eyes, and finally, after what seems like forever, you're able to open your eyes.

You squint your eyes as you try to help them adjust to the darkness, but it's still pitch black; you soon realize that the reason you can't see isn't because it's dark but because something lays on top of you. 

You lift your hand cautiously as you slowly lift Charlie's body off your head and back into the middle.

You lay there for a second as you try to catch your breath, then slowly, you sit up to check on your daughter, seeing as she has yet to wake you for a bottle tonight. You take a quick peek over into her bassinet. 

She's not there. 

You quickly shoot up in a panic, thinking your eyes are playing jokes on you, but once you get closer to the bassinet, you can confirm that she is not in there. 

You try to take deep to calm yourself down, but it gets caught in your throat as you slowly begin to spiral, and your mind starts to race with a million questions.

Where is she?

How could I not hear someone take her? 

When did I get up here? 

.

.

.

Wait, you pause for a second and try to think back to tonight. You didn't get in the bed. You remember waiting on the couch for Tommy; you must've fallen asleep, but how did you get up here?

Your head quickly pans over your shoulder, and in the bed next to Charlie, you see Tommy and your daughter lying on his chest and a half-empty bottle on the nightstand next to him. 

Relief floods your body as you slowly sit back down on the bed; you look back over at Tommy. The sight before you is truly something; if Tommy wasn't the devil reincarnated, it might make your heart swell. But instead, you're sitting there contemplating whether or not to get her off him and place her back in her bed. 

She seems fine, and there isn't much room for her or Tommy to roll around plus the risk of having to deal with her waking up in a sour mood if you move her isn't something you feel like doing right now. 

You lay back in bed next to Charlie, deciding to leave them be. 

As you fall back to sleep, instead of counting sheep, you tell yourself repeatedly.

That this is just for now and that

Thomas Shelby is in your past and not your future. 

***********************

Tag list:

@thhriller@macchiadinchiostro @naevisct @johnmurphys-sass @fannibalsrule @mysticalbouquetwolf-posts @sis7890

I apologize if y/n having a kid is a huge turn-off for some people, mainly because there isn't any warning, and we're so deep into the story. I wanted it to be a surprise, but again, I'm sorry. Also, this isn't the last part. There are two more, and then that's it; I broke it down because I felt like having everything In one or two parts would've made it seem like Y/n and Tommy's end result would become too quick and not in a organic way. Also, I've been told this story gives dead doves don't cry or something like that; it's not, I promise, a happy end or as happy as person can be with Thomas Shelby. Anyways, thanks for reading. The story should be finished and fully uploaded all parts by Friday, Feb 9th.

P.S: I can't tell if this chapter is shitty or not I was just trying to get it out for yall so I'm sorry if it is.

[firstkanaphans]

Hello Sarah sorry to bother you. I'm a new fan kinda but I'm done with watching all the firstkhao dramas (together and individual) but tbh I'm kinda lost on how I will get to know them better. I have no idea about their irl personalities that much. Maybe you can give a little introduction for me if it's not too much of a bother? Also like how they met and why are they doing so many projects together? And are they good friends irl too (my friend told me a lot of time pair actors don't really get along with each other which is why I got curious about their dynamic) Sorry if these questions are a bit dumb I'm altogether very new in bl fandoms so don't have a lot of ideas.

Oh, Anon. I don’t think you know what you’ve signed up for here. If you want a FK primer, I can give you a FK primer!

Both First and Khaotung started working for GMMTV back in 2018. I’m pretty sure talent agents simply slid into their DMs, so there was no formal audition process, but I could be wrong about that. They were both in university at the time. I’m not quite sure what they were doing that attracted the attention of the talent agents. I know First had been in at least one commercial prior, but I don’t believe Khaotung had done any acting. He had, however, had a picture go viral because he’s just so stinkin’ adorable. I think maybe this one? 

Or it could have been one of these…

Either way, they ended up in an acting workshop together right after they joined. Khaotung talks about how he didn’t like First at first because he was too friendly and talkative, but I think that must have only lasted for like a day because it was during this same workshop where he discovered that his heart beats to the sound of First’s name—“FirFirFir”—and yes, that is a real thing that he has admitted out loud on multiple occasions. They have been best friends ever since.

From there, the two of them began to act in individual projects—mostly BLs—and although I have no proof of this, I am entirely convinced that they were playing a long con to get themselves partnered together. They did way more fanservice before they were partnered than they do now. Feel free to watch this live from 2020 where they alternate between staring lovingly in each other's eyes and just outright flirting for an hour straight.

Look, they’re smart boys. They knew that their best path to success in this industry was to be in a fixed pair and they wanted that pair to be each other. How do I know? Because these two adorable idiots were showing up to events in matching outfits.

This picture was taken in January 2021 when Tonhon Chonlatee was actively airing! There's a picture from this same event of them with Podd, who Khao was paired with, and Podd looks like the odd man out.

They were finally paired together for The Eclipse in 2022 and spent the entire press tour either talking about how excited they were to finally work together or crying about the possibility that they might never be able to work together again. I would highly recommend you watch The Eclipse special episode if you haven’t already. In it, First talks about how there was one scene where Khao wasn’t supposed to cry but he kept crying anyway because First was crying and he cared about First so much. 

And speaking of crying, if you want to watch a compilation of FK crying about how much they love each other (and other things!), you can find that here.

One thing I would recommend if you want to get to know FK better is to watch a bit of Safehouse Season 4. It’s unscripted, so you’ll get a sense of their personalities, but First was also in an arm cast at the time, so you’ll get to watch Khao dote on him for seven days straight.

Oh and you have to watch this! If you ever see people talking about the voices in First’s head, that's why.

Obviously, we can never truly know what goes on behind closed doors for any of these BL couples, but I feel pretty confident in saying that FirstKhao are genuine besties. They literally do everything together. You can find a collection of some of their lovestagram pics here although there are so many more now. It never stops.

Actual things they have said to each other un-prompted:

First to Khao: I want to build a house with the same fences as you.

Khao to First: As you grow up, you will meet many new friends. Leave them and stay with me.

I’m wracking my brain for anything else that feels important for a new fan to know and am coming up blank, but I’m sure I’ll probably think of something right after I post this. They’re both just super sweet individuals who have never been involved in any controversy and I think what people love most about them is just how much they care about each other. They’ve got that whole platonic soulmate thing going on and we're all super jealous.

[notafragilething]

Late Night Buck & Tommy Ramble: Shit is getting interesting

I honestly thought today was going to be fucking chill with no promo and maybe only a whisper or two about tomorrow's episode. We currently have 21 hours left until the new episode airs and we have so much to unpack because everyone is just out there wilding right now

Get yourself a drink and a snack and prepare yourself. There is a lot to discuss. Minor spoilers for tomorrow's episode in regards to stills and vague-ish comments by people who have seen the episode.

Buck & Tommy Related Chaos:

I'm going to start with the chaos: OLIVER AND LOU ARE DOING A JOINT INTERVIEW that was filmed today for Access Hollywood / Access Daily that will air tomorrow before the episode.

I am in total shock by this because I've been vocal that I didn't even think we'd get more interviews from these two before the season ended. I would have never dreamed that they'd have them doing a joint interview together.

This is a pretty huge (and good) sign, in my opinion. You wouldn't suddenly have two actors going out doing press together unless (from a marketing point of view) you're trying to promote that couple to the audience. This to me really does suggest they're planning on keeping Lou around and pushing BuckTommy.

I've heard crazy speculation about what the interview will be about but it airs before the episode so likely we won't get major spoilers. We'll likely see the two talking about their characters, what it's like working together and hinting at what is going to happen moving forward.

With that said, I'm really curious at how they're going to sell this on the show. We've already seen Ryan hitting the talking point that Eddie is straight in recent weeks, which seems to be an attempt to distancing themselves from Buddie. This interview tomorrow may possibly give us an idea where their heads are at moving forward.

Regardless, I think this is a strong indicator that Tommy isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I know some people are trying to downplay this as happening because Bi Buck was such a huge storyline but they could have easily just had Oliver on the show. Them having both of them makes this about their relationship, not just Buck coming out as Bi and that's a pretty big shift from the marketing we saw around episodes 4-5.

Lou also posted about it on his Instagram and Ryan liked it.

Also I cannot remember a time that they had Oliver doing interviews with his love interest on the show. Can anyone else?

The kiss on Instagram reels continues to do well. It's almost at 1.2 million, sitting currently at 1183k.

General Cast Information:

Let's start simple with the tweets coming out from press who saw tomorrow's episodes. The overwhelming theme with all of them seems to be a warning for us to prepare for some hurt. I'm preparing myself to watch Hen, Bobby and Eddie all go through hell tomorrow based on what we've seen on social media over the last 24 hours. So let's get into that.

Hen: Early today the official Instagram posted stills from the earlier episode where the councilwomen's son refuses treatment after he accident and dies (which leads to Hen being investigated). They then captioned this "A moment from the past can become so pivotal for your future" because clearly they want to hurt us. It also seems like that congress women is in the episode and we see her in one of the stills at the medal ceremony.

Bobby: It seems like he's going to have a nice father/son moment with Buck at some point this episode based on the stills and what Oliver has hinted at. But I think he'll also definitely be dealing with guilt.

Eddie: Dude I don't even know. Between Marisol being at the medal ceremony with him and Christopher and him taking a row boat out with Kim? This is going to get ugly.

All of the stills were really happy and we know that isn't what is happening in this episode so I'm pretty sure they're from the first 15 or 20 minutes. This show has been fucking with our heads with these promos.

We're very, very likely to get a sneak peak sometime tomorrow along with the Oliver&Lou interview.

I might attempt to make a ramble post talking about the interview prior to the episode depending on what time it airs.

So how are we all feeling? Cause I'm having all the fucking emotions.

[zumiiisumsum]

I may have to need a lot of time to process a lot of things about part 2 but I will say brief initial thoughts.

1. Shonda Rhimes, you’re such a fucking liar I swear to GOD! I will NEVER EVER trust anything you say ever again.

2. RIP Colin “My Wife” Bridgerton. They really gave away your spotlight to Benedict I can’t believe it lmao

3. I can’t believe they made me dislike Colin so much the last two episodes. He’s such a fucking baby post-lady whistledown like why is he REFUSING to just talk it out with her? Why is he REFUSING to love his hot fucking wife like that and sleep on the couch like a fucking man child?? WHERE WAS MY BOY IN PART 1???? HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MORE MATURE THIS SEASON WHAT THE FUCK DID YALL DO TO HIM???

4. Show not tell. SHOW NOT TELL. SHOW. NOT. TELL!!!!

5. On a brighter note, I love everything portia and featherington.

5. Editing was SHIT. I also beg yall to NEVER EVER let Tom Verica direct again. Ep 7 and 8 was all over the fucking place.

6. I love michaela sterling. Hated the threesome scenes with my very being and not because I dislike Bisexual Benedict but it just serves no purpose whatsoever, not even to Benedict’s character.

7. There was no “I love you with everything I amz

Colin Bridgerton, I am so sorry they had to write you that way ☠️ They rushed you so bad and all the other plots got what shouldve been your screen time for a well developed character development but alas….you got Jess Brownell to write you ☠️.

Im just disappointed and mad and heartbroken. I really was rooting for this season. I was happy like 24 hours ago…I loved episodes 1-6 I really do…I just don’t understand why they couldn’t just….dedicate a lot of the episodes to Colin’s characterization. I don’t understand why they couldn’t focus on developing him knowing full well he gets a lot of hate in the fandom already. They barely scratched the surface of his insecurities and he didn’t even get enough orgasms ☠️☠️. What are we even doing here. I can’t cope…

[markantonys]

a few more bridgerton thoughts! i've always been only a casual enjoyer who watches just for a few hours of fun and doesn't get super invested, but even so, i'm still feeling pretty underwhelmed by this season so far. i watched it in one sitting and enjoyed it while it was happening but just immediately forgot about it as soon as i was done. maybe all the memorable moments are going to be in the second half of the season, but for these first four episodes, i feel like it was all just kinda bland and forgettable (granted, of all the romance tropes in the world, m/f childhood-friends-to-lovers is just about the #1 most boring one to me, so this never would've been my favorite season regardless)

i adore romance and romcoms, always have, and am pretty happy to watch The Classic Marriage Plot play out a thousand times, yet i feel like bridgerton is maybe becoming TOO formulaic and repetitive. although, to be fair, i WAS giggling and kicking my feet during all the Classic Romance Scenes, but the problem was maybe just that there weren't enough of them, which brings me to my second point of too many subplots. too much padding and filler and not enough Classic Romance, which is what i'm here for.

8 hours is way more time than is needed to tell 1 love story, so to fill up the time they invent 17 random subplots that are ultimately pointless and have little relevance outside of the current season. i would way rather a season be only 4 episodes but tightly focused on the main love story, or that a season be about two siblings and two main love stories at a time, than have all this extra time they need to fill up with random unimportant shit. why have we had 3 seasons' worth of storylines about benedict having one-off non-endgame girlfriends that don't have a lasting impact on his character development? what's the point? he's been treading water for so long that i'm not even going to care about him anymore by the time he finally comes into the spotlight, and same with eloise. god, the thought of eloise's season potentially not being until like 2027 is insane. it's past time to start picking up the pace and doing 2 siblings per season!

and the kicker is that all these subplots, which were only invented to fill up the time, end up filling too MUCH time and taking away from the main love story, which is left feeling underbaked. this sort of happened last season, but it's way worse this season. penelope is an excellent character, but her back is breaking from trying to carry the season because colin is kinda giving us nothing due to lack of narrative attention given to him as an individual. he's supposed to be the co-lead, yet i couldn't tell you a single personality trait of his besides "vaguely nice" because he's just had no development and exists more as a prop for penelope to love than as a fleshed-out character in his own right. there was that whole scene where violet was talking about how he's a people pleaser who focuses on making others happy at the expense of his own wants and happiness, and i was just sitting there going "he is?" because i didn't feel i'd ever gotten to know him enough as a person to see this trait in him.

i also think the "dropping a season in 2 halves" model is just about the worst possible release model. if you drop 1 episode a week, that's constant engagement and allows for longer time to digest and appreciate each individual episode. if you drop the whole season at once, it's all over too fast but on the flipside you can experience the entire story at once without risking forgetting things or losing interest while waiting for new episodes. but dropping in two halves a month apart is the worst of both models (over too quickly yet also makes you wait too long to finish the story).

i do like some of the subplots, though. cressida getting to be more than just a mean girl caricature has been a particular highlight, the mondrich family going suddenly from working class to noble is interesting to see, and as a mega-introvert myself (and a music lover!) whose ideal partner would be someone who's happy to sit in silence with me, francesca and john's whole vibe is THE definition of romance to me and has me absolutely swooning (and it's a nice change of pace from all the loud dramatic romances on this show). violet potentially finding new love is also very sweet and i'm rooting hard for her! meanwhile i am not a fan of the featherington subplot; after s1 portraying regency girls' lack of sex education as a serious issue, it feels.........odd for the show to now be playing that very same thing for laughs this season and it just kinda makes me uncomfortable.

but otherwise there isn't much i dislike about the season, it's just kinda "meh" to me so far. the second half might turn things around if it's more memorable!

[mylittleredgirl]

much more context with an episode list below the poll!

more info below by episode (forgive me in advance if i forgot your favorite doctor-evolution episode) (also forgive me for all the mistakes i will immediately see once i hit post but will be unable to fix because we can't edit poll posts):

season one: "i wasn't programmed for any of this!"

"eye of the needle": after kes starts advocating for him, janeway offers him the power to turn himself off, and he asks for a name.

"heroes and demons": he leaves sickbay for the first time and has his first non-medical mission. he's emotionally affected by freya's death at the end.

season two: "before you, i was just a projection of photons held together by forcefields [...] just a profession, not a life."

"projections": he hallucinates an existential crisis about whether he's a human or a hologram.

"twisted": the doctor spends time recreationally with the crew on the holodeck for the first time (though it's not clear if he enjoys it).

"lifesigns": he falls in love with vidiian doctor danara pel. at first he says his program is malfunctioning, but later believes his programming is adapting instead. he also records his first personal log.

season three: "i'm footloose and fancy-free."

"the swarm": his program starts to degrade because he has been expanding it for hobbies like opera and friendships with the crew. he says his program should be rebooted so he can serve his "primary responsibility," but kes and the others convince him that his memories are important to keep. (factoid: we learn his maximum runtime was supposed to be 1500 hours.)

"future's end": mobile emitter time!!! and his first time off the ship.

"darkling": he starts editing his own program (and it doesn't go well).

"real life": he creates a holo-family for himself.

according to the stardate mentioned in "latent image" (see season five), the flashback part of that episode happens at the very end of season three.

season four: "i believe i've earned the respect of the crew as an equal."

"revulsion": we meet our first delta quadrant hologram (and it doesn't go well). this is the first time we hear about holograms being subjugated by "organics."

"message in a bottle": the doctor meets the EMH-2 and reveals that at some point he programmed himself a dick and had sex.

"living witness": we learn that the doctor has a backup module who seems to have the same emotions and self-awareness as the doctor himself (which i take to mean that whatever sentience is now in his program can be duplicated by copying).

season five: "we gave him a soul. do we have any right to take it away now?"

"latent image": we learn the doctor had a holo-breakdown (off-screen in late season 3) after his ethical subroutines could not reconcile his decision to save harry's life over another patient's. at the time, they determined that erasing some of his memories was the only way to repair him. at the end of the episode, after the doctor and seven both argue for his individual rights, janeway decides to let him work through his guilt rather than deleting his memories again. assuming this ultimately works after the episode ends, it means that he was able to overcome a critical programming conflict through introspection and social support instead of altering his programming.

season six: "haven't I earned the right to self-determination?"

"tinker, tenor, doctor, spy": the doctor formally complains that his sentience is not being acknowledged and argues that he should be allowed to grow his abilities beyond his role as doctor. he also wants his potential to be evaluated based on his holographic nature rather than humanoid limits ("my program can be expanded indefinitely. i don't have limits!").

"blink of an eye": he lives for three years on the time dilation planet and even has a son ("it's a long story").

"virtuoso": he tries to leave the ship to become an opera star, choosing his passion (and his ego) over his originally programmed purpose.

side note: "fair haven" and "spirit folk" are both in season six, and that's the first time that anyone (including the doctor) seems to consider the concept that regular holodeck characters might also have some kind of feelings, personhood, or right to continued existence (unlike in season three, when in "alter ego" it's both a joke and a problem that harry falls in love with a hologram, or in "real life" when the doctor is fine with b'elanna reprogramming his family without consulting them).

season seven: "the doctor exhibits many of the traits we associate with a person [...] but are these traits real, or is the doctor merely programmed to simulate them?"

"critical care": the doctor violates the hippocratic oath in his programming by harming a patient to save others, and it does not trigger the ethical subroutine breakdown he experienced in season 5.

"body and soul": delta quadrant holograms are in revolt. the doctor experiences humanoid pleasures and enjoys them.

"flesh and blood": he betrays voyager to save the hirogen-programmed holograms and (temporarily) leaves the ship to join them, "because i'm one of you."

"author, author": a federation arbiter decides that he's not legally a person, but is "no ordinary hologram" and has some limited rights.

[m3nt4llyr4v3d]

One thing that kind of (absolutely) bothers me about this show is the weird… avoidance?? Or major mistakes or flaws the characters have??

(This is me going off of the top of my head, and sooooo much personal bias is in this, be warned)

I’ve seen this being talked around the critical tab a bit and I just wanted to ramble: for some odd reason, the show is very consistent with blaming/placing fault on a character’s minor flaws, but the major shortcomings are just brushed aside (this somewhat applies to some parts of the fandom as well)! A few examples I could think of off the top of my head:

Marinette- Marinette’s blamed by the narrative for things she can’t even control or have nothing to do with anything. Like, in Penalteam, where she has to work to be a team player?? Even though in the episodes beforehand Chat’s whole thing was that he felt like he was being replaced/ set aside by the whole team??? At the same time, Derision made every instance of Marinette’s more unsavory acts in regards to Adrien (which was originally absurd comedy) into something serious because it’s a trauma response now! Which means every instance of her doing those things is now under the context of “oh god this is a traumatized teenager potentially breaking the law due to a trauma response and absolutely needs therapy!!”, while also… just… quietly sweeping all that under the rug under the guise of “well she does those things BECAUSE of the trauma” while not acknowledging just how many bad implications are there now. (I could go a full hour talking about how much Derision fucked EVERY. SINGLE. CHARACTER. OVER.) Oh, and her being secretive with Chat for… no reason? This one is kind of acknowledged but also, the crux of the issue is brushed aside in the season 4 finale? Like, in Kuro Neko when Chat is trying to, like alleviate some of her duties by gathering some of the Miraculous cause he also knows some of their identities? And she says no and says he’s wasting her time? I get he was pestering her about it, I do, but the authors were saying that her reasoning with being secretive was that she was had so much responsibility… but when the opportunity arises for someone to alleviate that, she turns it down? (Honestly liked the fanon reason that she was scared of Chat Blanc timeline and him getting to close to her way more)

Adrien- His naivety in specific situations (the whole “taking the high road” advice) being criticized HEAVILY, when it’s kind of understandable he would give that? I get that it’s bad advice in this situation, I don’t think he’s part of the problem for giving it though. But his pushiness towards Ladybug? The godawful communication he had in Season 4 (this is a Ladybug issue too)? Nah, let’s just ignore that. His… really concerning mental health (Guilttrip anyone? I mean he literally tries to cataclysm himself why is no one talking about this?) What are you talkin’ aboutttt, it’s all good here! In fact, we’ll never bring that up again, how does that sound? (Please delve more into that in season 6 dear god)

Chloe- It’s… understandable??? When the show harps on her being a bully I guess?? But the issue I have with that is that the show acts like this is the WORST thing she’s done, being a petty vindictive teenager. The show rarely brings up her failures at being a superhero (for how much some fans bring up the train scene, I’m 1000% sure the show literally forgot) or the fact that she, y’know. Literally betrayed Ladybug and worked with Hawkmoth! For how much the show loves dogging on her and treating her like a secondary villain I’d expect like, a little bit more in showing that off? Also, the literal two grown adults setting her up as a scapegoat for the whole mayor thing, then the show acting like she’s the one at fault still?? And that sending her away with her mother was a good thing????

Gabriel- “Oh he’s too obsessed with his Ladybug to actually save his wife! He’s cold and distant but still loving actually!” What about his neglect? What about him literally ignoring his wife’s wishes (there was no way he didn’t know beforehand I’m sorry)? I genuinely don’t care that he “made the right choice” with his wish, he stabbed Marinette in the back to do so. Literally LOCKED ADRIEN IN A WHITE ROOM AND AT SOME POINT WAS ATTEMPTING TO AKUMATIZE HIM…! But nah, he’s just too ambitious, he’s a loving father, whatareyatalkinabout? He’s a hero! (😨)

Andre (Bourgeois)- “His flaws are that he gave up on his dream to live an unhappy life! Oh but we’re gonna ignore his role as a literal corrupt politician, look he’s redeemed now! He even sent that she-demon Chloe away! What do you mean he literally raised this child to act this way? Nah, everything is Chloe’s fault and we’re not even going to acknowledge his hand in literally raising her with these values since she was basically in elementary school! Look he’s adopting Zoe, isn’t that sweet? Nevermind how we just won’t acknowledge where Mr. Lee is, if he’s alive, or if Zoe is even okay with everything that just happened! (I mean, cmon, she literally lived with Audrey for years, she would reasonably be a little put off by this, even if she thinks Chloe is a lost cause)

These are just a few I could think of, though. Honestly my biggest wish is that the show would stop bringing the character’s least offensive trait/fault (compared to others) and truly acknowledge the worse aspects of them.

Bit that’s just me rambling like a madman, I’d love to know what you guys would think!

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Okay Y'ALL I saw Episode 5 today and these are the thoughts I jotted down while watching it (PART 1 OF 2)

Please don’t read below the cut if you are avoiding spoilers until you get to watch it yourself 

And FYI some of these may not have any context, but I guess it won’t matter cause you’ll have context in 7ish hours anyway (also sorry about how long all my thoughts and feelings are lol)

We’ve all seen the first 4 mins so that’s that - nothing extra special to add there other than that Colin’s soft voice for Pen feels like it makes my heart grow bigger every time I see it

Um what the absolute fuck was that opening title??? Have they deviated and changed that this much before?? Have I never noticed other than with the very small changes they do with adding the correct Bridgerton’s name etc?

Anthony wanting to do that one Monica scream is adorbs

LOLLLLL I love you sweet Greggy

LMAO Cressida with them BARBS

Awh Cressida I do feel for you my girl

OMFGGGGG Colin’s chat with the boys??? THIS IS MUSIC TO MY EARS!!!! SOMEONE STAB ME IN THE HEART AAAAH

And Anthony with that quick wisdom? Is it rude of me to not really have expected it from him even though I know this kind of good sense is in him? I do love you Ant! Sorry that I still think of you as SLOW to good sense because of last season lol

Also that cute and private GOSSIPY moment? LOVEEE

OH PORTIA FOR FUCKS SAKEEEEE WITH “THOSE EXACT WORDS” why are you stressing her out but also why are you STRESSING ME OUT?

BAHAHAHAHAHHSSHHAHAHASHA THAT IMMEDIATE 360 please stopppppp I have whiplash - this show has never presented something I personally see as a legitimate concern (from the character's perspective) and then proceed to resolve that issue soooo fucking fast, like that took two seconds PLEASE I’m dying, I can’t believe I thought I’d be stressed about that comment for a considerable amount of the episode? and then BAM 😂 Excellent job Colin!

For the love of god no one wants to chaperone them???? They’re just gonna go???? No one is gonna stop them? Like is she the John Cena of the Bridgerton universe?? Everyone is just like, oh look, Colin walking down the street speaking to himself, oh look he’s in a carriage, also just speaking to himself - like H'WHAT?

Having that said, yes of course get her alone and fuck her by all means if that’s what you wanna do, don’t let my hang ups about propriety and the rules of the ton stop you my boy

Omg pen my baby was so moved 🥹 She somehow hadn’t processed that whole thing even during the carriage ride? Because unless they teleported, she was just like reeling in silence until this point, just like, looking for the words???

Oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOD there you go Portia my mans was as clear as he could be about the exact words both indirectly and directly thank you very much

Omg STAHPPPP I can’t Col you should totally write her love letters saying this type of stuff every day - it’s what she deserves 🥹

Omg they’re so cute???!!!

Consent king!! This is so INTIMATE and CUTE!!! 🥹

Have I never seen tits bigger than like a 32B on Netflix before? Cute lil perky tits never really get registered as out there nudity I guess? Like I knowwww we saw tits the last two seasons, and I guess at the brothels this season too, which I nearly forgot, but like even 0.6 seconds of Pens tits rn feels like I’m on HBO and not Netflix? LOLLL

NO ONE HAS EVER REMOVED A BELT BETTER THAN LUKE NEWTON HAS

FUCK he’s so hot??? I’m probably equally attracted to both actors irl tbh but in the showverse Pen is just my girly and Colin was just my sweet boi too right up until he started undressing rn? Now pen is still my girly but Colin can fucking get ittttt LOLLL

Also we’ve seen him undressed before??? I don’t know what’s going on but he did the 0.0003 second belt thing and I audibly gasped and my brain suddenly went blank and now I’m just drooling over Colin and how hot he is fml

Luke Newton should probably just go around taking his shirts and belts off all the time tbh

Just in real life, stay undressing king, you’re such a treat 😍

Awh he’s got the cutest lil butt, but like…. I can’t look? I’m feeling an odd amount of… second hand embarrassment about his butt? I don’t know if that makes any sense but somehow it feels wrong to be looking at your butt Colin I’m sorry this is just like Pen’s property now you know? I shouldn’t seeeee this lol

Kinda wish they edited out that tiny bit where he moved the sheet? I assume that was for the sake of the actors/show because they can’t actually be like fully naked out here, but that tiny bit could’ve been easily edited a different way - only because I don’t want it to register like he’s covering her up? He’s not, he 100% would NEVER, but like logistically I get it, just wish the editor saw it the way I see it and took that bit out

oop JUMP SCARE Lmfaooooo my mans thought it would end before it even began 😂😂😂

Awh he’s so sweet with her - Touch me anywhere? Please they are really taking on such great parts from the books

Though on a side note I wish that this mirror idea was broken into 2 parts too? like part 1 he just says the lines from the books about wanting to grab her tits and fuck in front of a mirror but they don’t because he wants that gentle missionary first time, and then part 2 after the LW drama he actually passionately fucks her in front of the mirror, horizontally sure, but like from behind while facing the mirror? That's such an easy way to cover her up too - one arm coming from under her, wrapped around her bust to cover her there, and other arm coming over her and snaking down her belly so we know there is finger action but Nic would still be tastefully covered - this allows them to just stare at each other through the mirror the entire time which could have been sooooo hot? And I wouldn't have to suspend disbelief when it comes to her tits not touching any part of him through this whole thing lol - It’s aight though, this is what AO3 is for and I’m by no means disappointed with anything that’s happening rn

Still, circling back, is it like an actor/show rule to just show tits and not do anything else with them? Because I knowwww Colin isn’t gonna just fuck her without sucking on them titties that whole entire time, like please BE REAL for just ONE second, cause there’s absolutely nooooo way his hands and mouth wouldn’t be directly on those tits - but yeah, if it’s an actor/show thing to not do it because it might be too porny/uncomfy, I get it - I’m just looking for that realism because come onnnn there’s literally NO WAY his mouth wouldn’t be all over that LOL

Like even with their vertically challenging situation, I know my mans would fold his neck his back his spine his evvvverryyything to get his face on her tits LOLLLL

Also, sir? Everyone enjoyed your fingers but when are you going to eat my girl out? Please she deserves to see God???!!!!!

Never underestimate the power of grabbing your own dick to get it in either, it's just so fucking hot and I don’t make these rules

I personally think the carriage scene was A LOTTT spicier than this though

Sorry guys, don’t be upset or anything - I just think THAT was PASSION and THIS is LOVE

Slow and settled love - best friend love - honestly it’s how I see couples being intimate once their honeymoon phase is long over - just like, chit chatting while gentle fucking - super comfortable with each other and just not awkward at all - contently smiling and giggling afterwards, like that was all just totally normal everyday behaviour between them

It’s like they’re having a casual bestie moment, just the same as walking around in a market or gossiping in a ballroom

When you really think on it though, it’s so cool that a first time can be this way because you’ve just been best friends your whole life

Anyway, no furniture break I’m afraid

[ladykailitha]

I saw a post earlier that I want to address, because while it was the most recent (and dumbest) take, it was not the only time I had seen this "problem" crop up.

But before I get there, as always headcanon and let headcanon.

And note to the OP and those who think like them: nothing in a fanfic HAS to be rooted in canon. We all know that Eddie would never work retail, but we do love making him a record store employee/owner, florist, barista. It's called FAN fiction.

You also don't get to decide if Eddie coming back or not until the last credit rolls on the final episode and it fades to black. We all thought Hopper was a goner, and he came back for season 4.

Now, do I have things that take me out of a story, sure. See post here for an example of those things. Or really anything under my #ladykailitha rants tag. But this topic is not one of them.

The topic for today:

Steve staying at Eddie's bedside and "ignoring" Max. Also OP what the fuck do you mean that Steve and Eddie didn't earn devotion for each other? That scene RIGHT before they go after Vecna is FILLED with devotion for each other.

Right, right, breathe. This isn't about whether or not Eddie and Steve had a connection or not. Although...

Maybe, in a way, it does. Maybe that's these people's problem. They didn't see how close two got in such a short time. Their conversation in the forest is very indicative how close they got in the span of less than a week.

But as close as they get, the reason that Steve would be at Eddie's bedside and not Max's boils down to good ole fashion guilt (and that Max would have literally EVERYONE else watching over her.)

Guilt that he didn't have an adult or older kid stay with Max and the Sinclair siblings. Guilt he told Eddie not be a hero when all Eddie had talked about was how he felt like a coward and how shitty it made him feel. Guilt that he let Max be bait. Guilt that he didn't push harder for that one hour! Just think of the things that could have been avoided if they had waited ONE HOUR.

Jason and his goons would found the house, saw it was empty and left. The bats would have dropped dead, leaving Dustin and Eddie safe. El would have been better prepared for Vecna. The cascade of things that would have been better if only they had waited that one hour.

So he can't look at her because he sees his greatest failure. She DIED. El brought her back. But she died. And maybe Eddie died too, but he was brought back through CPR and other medical means. El had bring her back. How can he even be in her presence when it was his fault she was there in the first place?

Conversely with Eddie, he's by his bedside with a nail bat and a mission to keep him safe. He may have been cleared of the murders, but people don't care. They'll try to hurt him. So Steve stands guard. To make sure nothing more happens to the sweet boy who was only trying to help a scared teenager get some relief and got dragged into the Upside Down stuff.

So yeah, there is plenty of reasons for Steve to stay at Eddie's side, but the biggest one? Guilt.

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

What do you think are Merlin and Arthur’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

Heads up, I’m autistic and this has been my special interest for way too long and I don’t have anyone to talk to about it so this post is going to be a very long one.

My favourite thing about the writing of the show (which isn’t great, but separate issue) is how every character manages to make a complete 180 from the beginning to the end, turning their initial positive traits into negative traits while not sacrificing character development to do so. It’s a skill I haven’t figured out how to use very well in my own writing and envy greatly, but I can talk about it for hours.

For Merlin, his devotion to Arthur is easily his most interesting strength and weakness to me.

In season 1, it’s great because he finds out he has this grand purpose and suddenly all the things he’s struggled with, feeling like a monster, feeling cursed etc, suddenly make sense to him. It’s too much to put on a child (because he’s somewhere between 16-18 at first but that’s never confirmed) but if it helps him to see the beauty of magic and to see more than just “I felled a tree and almost killed a man” -based on the conversation with Will in season 1 episode 4- then that’s great.

So as the show progresses, he starts getting to know more about himself and what he can do, but because his two mentors reinforce that he’s solely tied to Arthur, every good thing he learns about magic is connected to a man who hates and doesn’t understand magic. Also someone who he has to hide from in order to protect himself and not end up on the pyre. At the same time, he also never has a chance to learn about his magic and where it came from like Morgana did with visiting the Druids and Kilgharrah was never exactly forthcoming with information.

I think that’s why Morgana and Merlin’s differences and similarities are so interesting to me, but that’s a different thing.

Anyway, by the end of season 4, Arthur is betrayed by Agravane and we see just how devoted Merlin is to Arthur in all the best ways. He assembles an army, restores Arthur’s hope and belief in himself, saves Arthur’s life while risking his own and then killing the uncle who betrayed him, (the brilliance of Agravaine dying with magic and Merlin simply stabbing Morgana was absolutely amazing, but again, I digress.) he also reunites Arthur with his love, and swears fealty to him despite being ‘just’ a servant.

At the same time, he uses magic to block Morgana’s powers to make sure they can win, and he does this by sneaking back into Camelot in the middle of the night and not sleeping for over 48 hours in order to do it. His devotion to Arthur goes so deep that he’s willing to destroy himself for it. That’s one of the less extreme examples, he does try to die for Arthur multiple times, but you get the point. Even if he isn’t dying, he’s living just for the purpose of serving Arthur and doing anything it takes to keep him safe. Even at the cost of Arthur himself, (not wanting him to choose between magic and his beliefs, which was literally Arthur’s job to choose as a king who’s responsible for all the people in his kingdom)

And he even says this in season 1 episode 13 when he says “his life is worth a hundred of mine” when he believes he’s going to die to save Arthur’s life after the questing beast and again at the end of season five, “I didn’t want to put you in that position”

I’m sleep deprived, please don’t make me recite whole episodes to remember quotes.

I just realised how long this is getting, so I’m going to try and wrap it up.

Anyway, by season 5, Merlin becomes so consumed by his fear of losing Arthur that he completely loses sight of what’s important, returning magic to Albion and ending the purge. I know they said the goal was peace at the end but in season 1, Kilgharrah sort of cryptically said he’d be returning magic. So he thinks Mordred needs to die, but he can’t get Arthur to see that because even if Arthur knew he was going to die by Mordred’s hand, I think he’d probably let it happen and just do the right thing as long as he did live.

Merlin knows this so he feels responsible for keeping Arthur alive by keeping secrets which is ultimately a final betrayal for Arthur in his last days while he’s coming to terms with it. He was more upset about the lies and the deception than the magic, which I’ll get onto in a minute, but Merlin’s solution of shielding Arthur instead of doing the right thing is ultimately what leads to his downfall. (Basically the Disir episode)

That’s a very condensed version, I’m more than happy to do a separate post with a full character analysis going through each major episode and what it says for anyone in the show if you want to see it.

Anyway.

Arthur’s greatest strength and weakness is his goodness and the trust he puts into the people around him so blindly.

In episode 2, he has a conversation with Merlin about Valiant cheating with magic to kill knights. Arthur believes him, albeit cautiously, and Merlin proves him right to do so in the end.

So he knows from the beginning that Merlin is trustworthy and loyal to a fault, but then he starts seeing all the other people in his life believing he’s doing better and opening up to him more. By episode 4, we see Gwen feel comfortable enough to call Arthur out for being ungrateful with Hunnith’s food in Ealdor, we see Morgana repeatedly encouraging Arthur to stand up for what he believes in, even if that belief is different from her own which he absolutely needs and will forever be her greatest act of love for Arthur in my opinion, Uther is slowly becoming less cold towards him too since Merlin came into his life and he started making these changes.

I’ve more to say on Uther, but separate thing.

He loves these people, even if he’d never admit it, so he sees the best in them. Love is blind and all that.

In season 2 episode 8, Merlin chooses Arthur over magic and even Arthur himself when it’s revealed that Uther used magic to conceive an heir. Merlin sets Arthur back in his progress to seeing that magic could be used for good and isn’t inherently evil, but at the same time sets himself up as choosing his side with magic while Arthur has his first betrayal from Uther.

(Arguably from Merlin as well, but one is a young man in a crisis situation, the other was a fully grown adult with all the information available to him and time to think it through before still deciding that a life for a life was worth it)

In that betrayal, that’s the first time that he really has anything negative to say against magic since in his mind, it deceived him and made him almost kill his father. Any hope he has of seeing magic for good is delayed, proven when he tells Merlin he was “confused” and I can’t remember the exact quote but that he’d also lost sight of what was important.

This is set further when Morgana reveals her magic at the same time as she’s revealing that she sides with Morgause, in Arthur’s eyes he just sees that his sister (who is apparently also his biological sister, another betrayal by Uther) has turned to magic and then turned evil. Merlin doesn’t do anything to dissuade this idea other than a few comments of his own guilt about there being people better suited to helping her.

He never questions Merlin on why he believes that because he trusts him so deeply and unconditionally.

If he had, Merlin wouldn’t have needed to confess to Magic. Will in Ealdor could’ve been his excuse for knowing that magic isn’t inherently evil. He could’ve explained that Morgana always had magic, that she was terrified, that he sent her to the Druids to help but Uther would’ve killed them so when Morgause offered her unconditional support and told her that she wasn’t a monster or anything in that vein, of course Morgana latched onto that because it was finally an answer and something hopeful. She did exactly the same thing Merlin did with Arthur, Kilgharrah, and Gaius, and I really can’t blame her for it. Her earlier actions can be justified but from season 4 onwards, there’s only so much I can say to defend her.

But if Arthur would’ve known that, he would’ve been a lot more open to the idea of accepting Morgana’s magic, maybe even learning about it if it meant getting his sister back.

But his blind trust is what gives him this huge disadvantage.

Agravane, a man who’s been completely absent from his life, is immediately given trust because he has a connection to Arthur’s mother. Arthur wants to have a family when his have all either died or betrayed him, so he lets Agravane be his chief advisor and despite several warnings from Gaius and Merlin, he’s still surprised when he’s betrayed by this man he’s never met.

Arthur has this such inherent goodness that the idea of betraying anyone is inconceivable to him. (There’s a joke in there somewhere about Arthur being quite literally inconceivable too)

I’m once again realising how long this post is, I didn’t think it’d get this long so I’m going to wrap it up. If anyone wants more in depth character analysis, please let me know. This is fun.

As for my favourite thing about Merlin and Arthur’s dynamic. Merthur. Basically just the ship stuff and their banter. Also the nuances in their relationship that are fun to read into and analyse but this is already too long so I’m just going to leave it there.

[saltygilmores]

THOUGHTS WHILE WATCHING GILMORE GIRLS: S3/EP4/ONE’S GOT CLASS THE OTHER ONE DYES (PART 5)

Parts 1-4 and all other episodes are linked in my pinned post.

OMG. PHRASING, LUCAS. PHRASING!! IT'S OKAY EVERYBODY! HE MEANT METAPHORICALLY, PEOPLE.

I mean, your affair with Dean Forrester should already have you on some kind of registry.

Luke is giddy with delight over Lorelai's humilation at the school and is giggling up a storm, a gigglestorm the likes of which I've never heard before from him. Let's alll point and laugh at Lorelai! It's fun.

The KarenDebbies are descending upon us. I can't wait to hear Lorelai say the word "condoms"!

I've never seen him this happy before?

Sadly with no context I wouldn't be able to tell if this was 2023 or 2002. Karens: Why were you discussing your pregnancy, why didn't you change the subject? Lorelai: I tried but they kept coming at me like I was poland and they were Nazis. Urrrp.

In my unrated Gilmore Girls rewrite titled The Hollow, I promise to rewrite this episode so that we see Lorelai throwing condoms at high school students.

Well as long it's just a banana and you don't bring Dean for the subject of your demonstration. KarenDebbie: What kind of mother are you?! Lorelai: The kind that doesn't just gloss over uncomfortable topics!

My ass you don't. She spends a good 75% of season 3 moving heaven and earth to interfere in Jess and Rory's relationship and cockblocking them to make sure these two legal adults don't fuck each other instead of giving Rory any sort of useful information about sex and you should know better than anyone that that's a solid recipe for teen pregnancy, Miss GlossyPants. Speaking of. Guess who else is about to get a fumbling attempt at Awkward Parental Sex Talk? This li'l guy.

We don't want Shane to get pregnant. It would make her already tragic impending death even more tragic.

So, what's up with Luke's apartment? There's a guitar, bongos, and maracas (plus a sign he stole from a bus stop). Does he have a secret past in some kind of salsa band?

Luke referring to a human being as something you can "stash in a closet" like an old box of Monopoly is fucking hilarious. The delivery is also very "Jess are you a gigolo?" and "What are you, a drug dealer now?" Like he knows it's a ridiculous question but he's also mildly concerned that the answer is going to be Yes. And now, for all time favorite exchange in the entire Gilly Girls World:

Jess and Rory are cool and all. But Luke and Jess are it for me. These two are the reason I keep watching. Their dynamic is so perfect and things were never the same after Milo left, not only because of the breakup of Literati but because I desperately miss these two guys playing off each other.

I don't know. I feel like Shane wouldn't give a flying cupcake about getting caught. She had no problem repeatedly barging into the diner to hump Jess' leg while Luke and Lorelai were watching and Luke had to part them like Moses parting the sea to wait tables, and she had no problem playing tonsil hockey with Jess against a tree for hours in view of hundreds of people. More evidence that this little dude is lying and that Closet Girl wasn't actually Shane.

We know, Jesstopher. We know. You little freakazoid.

Amen, brother.

Bolt the doors Lucas he's gonna run! Luke should be pulling a Lorelai and throwing bags of condoms at Jess. Stars Hollow called an emergency town meeting after he drew on a sidewalk with chalk. I can't imagine the fate of both Jess and Luke if it were discovered that Jess planted his demon seed in anyone but especially precious Rory.

I love it when Luke tells Jess to shut up. Fantastic stuff. Luke: If you care about this Shane girl you have to treat her better. Jess: I don't care about her. I don't know her last name. She mentioned it once, didn't stick. We're just "hangin out." Staaahp. Jess is so deliciously blunt and nonchalant about her. Anyone fellow Millenials here? Does anyone else remember that in high school in the late 90's and early 2000's "hooking up" (or in Jess' case, "hanging out") meant literally anything you wanted it to mean and so one of your friends could say "I hooked up with Jason last night" but that could mean they either made out for a few minutes or they were full on bumping uglies or something in between and you often had to ask uncomfortable questions. It was a very confusing time. It kept us all on our toes.

Luke, you have a pair of eyes. You've seen what they do in your diner. There should not exist any doubt that they're not convening in your apartment to play checkers.

I'm telling you, the dynamic of the entire Danes-Mariano family is so complex and interesting and I would twist my nipple for this show to delve into it as much as humanly possible at the expense of pushing Rory and Lorelai to the side (Lorelai off a cliff). I've hit the ceiling for screen shots here on Tumblr.com so here's the last three minutes of the episode: Luke: You need to find a girl you actually care about. Jess: Yah like it's that easy. Luke: Ya huh it's that easy if you try Jess: The girls I like don't give a damn about me. I'm not just gonna sit around hoping they change their minds and notice me, unlike SOME PEOPLE. Luke: Da fuq does that mean Jess: ya fixed any neighbor's porshes *porches lately? Luke: Shut up Jess: I've got a little self esteem Luke: Shut up Jess: Gotta go, Shane's horny again Well, that attempt at the Birds and Bees talk certainly went off the rails. Luke was able to impart to Jess that teenage boys have raging hormones and they tend to like girls and Jess don't be an idiot. It's okay Luke, at least you tried.

[cherryanony]

IN DEFENSE OF ELENA GILBERT: Why Do Yall Hate Emotional Women?

Vampire Diaries - Elena Gilbert pictured doing nothing wrong

HUMBLE BEGINNINGS

I started watching The Vampire Diaries back in 2016, right as it was coming to its long overdue close. To say I was obsessed was an understatement.

I would spend hours, days, WEEKS, consuming fan content, rewatching episodes and scenes over and over agin, discussing stupid plot points and writing descions that were made and throughout all of that one question has always dangled over my head...

Why does everybody hate Elena Gilbert?

Despite The Vampires Diaries being a dark supernatural teen drama filled to the brim with freaks & weirdos, murderers, psychopaths, evil forces and THE ACTUAL LITERAL DEVIL... Elena Gilbert reigns as the most hated character on the show by viewers.

But, why?

Elena Gilbert starts off the show as a 17 year old teenage girl who just experienced some of the craziest trauma any person, let alone TEENAGER, could ever go through. She was in the car with her parents when they died off Wickory Bridge and now suffers from a serious case of survivors guilt, a trait and mo motif she struggles with and must come to terms with throughout the show.

She falls for two vampire brothers who bring nothing but more hell into her life, she finds out she's adopted, her birth mother is a vampire and a piece of shit, her birth father is her insane negligent Uncle John, she's lost more loved ones than one can count over and over again, and she's constantly paranoid and never safe because she's a doppleganger with special blood that many dangerous supernatural creatures want.

"But she's whinyyy and a crybabyyy😩..."

As if one of her friends or family aren't on the brink of death every episode. Elena didn't do enough crying if we're being honest.

Elena is by no means a perfect, innocent character. A lot of people are right about her flaws; she can be very selfish with a what-about-me & and look-at-me-this-isn't-you complex and she's constantly getting away with a lot shit since she's the main character. And a lot people say she never faces any consequences but.... she does.... and it's called...

VAMPIRE!ELENA

THAT'S IT! That's where everyone says her character went completely wrong, her character completely falls apart. But I'd argue that Vampire!Elena is a culmination of all her descions coming back to bite her in the ass.

Throughout S1-3, Elena struggles with survivors guilt. She should've gone off the bridge with her parents. She's depressed, she's moody, she's "whiny" all while feeling like the supposed "love of her life" is trying to "fix her" when she's not ready.

In season 4 episode 10, Elena clearly states that Stefan looks at her like she's a broken toy that needs to be fixed. I could go on a whole rant on what I think Stefan's problems are but to sum it all up — Stefan turned into a vampire at 17 years old — a teenager — and spends his entire vampire life struggling with his heightened personality and his Ripper Gene which led him down a path to losing everyone he's ever loved.

(He killed his own abusive father, lost his best friend due to his own brother who he forced to turn with him and now wants him dead after a wedge is driven between them.)

I say all that to say I get Stefan's character. He's scared and insecure, similar to Elena, to be alone and lose everyone he cares about. However, all of his efforts to better himself and relationships only drives people away. People bring up Damon killing Elena's brother, Jeremy, all the time

(again.. HE WAS WEARING THE GILBERT RING! HE'S FINE! YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT JEREMY, NOBODY DOES!)

But NOBODY talks about Stefan endangering Jeremy and almost getting him killed by forcing him to continue the Hunter's Mark because he thought Elena being human again would make her be in love with him again. (sorry but that's fucking insane😭😭😭!!)

Stefan wasn't only afraid of losing Elena, he was also afraid of losing her to his brother. All these efforts drove Elena away, right into the arms of the person he wanted to keep her away from.

I think Elena felt as if Stefan was just like everyone else who wanted "the old Elena" back. The person that Elena use to be before the accident that the show alludes to in the first season. But that Elena is dead and gone, she'll never be the same person she was before going off that bridge. Apart of her died that night and again when she went off the bridge for the second time and became a vampire.

Elena struggles with being a vampire and basically dying twice and instead of being supportive Stefan immediately wants to fix and change her. Damon is the only one she feels free and alive with. A statement Elena makes herself throughout the show. Despite the stupid discourse over the Sire Bond, Damon was the one she felt the safest with after that plotline was resolved.

But enough about comparing those brothers, this is about ELENA! You know who she gets compared to..?

KATHERINE

KATHERINE IS A LOSER!

Before you raise your pitchforks, I love Katherine. Great character, great villain, but she's a loser!

People LOVE to compare Katherine and Elena!

"Katherine's such a badass and Elena is a whiny crybaby." But I would argue the opposite.

See Katherine's backstory here, despite everything Katherine's been through, the show makes a point that while, yes, Katherine is a survivor, she's also an avoidant runner. She spends 500 years running from the big bad Klaus and once he fianlly lets her go she continues torture, manipulate, and harrass people.

She continues her streak of only whining and complaining about the life she never had because of the things that happened to her, which... fair!

However, despite being given several chances with a romance with Elijah, a life with her daughter as a mother, all the people she's ever wronged helping her and forgiving her on her death bed, taking over Elena's body and essentially starting over in a new life and even being THE QUEEN OF HELL... it was never enough. Nothing was ever enough for Katherine.

She was given many chances to change, to finally LIVE HER LIFE but she chose to continue down her path of destruction. Which, in my opinion, is fine for her character! LET KATHERINE BE THE SAD AND TRAGIC CHARACTER SHE IS! She doesn't have to be some anti-hero badass.

The contrast of Katherine and Elena, two girls who had their lives and innocence stolen from them at a young age thanks to tragic events out of their control and two vampire brothers, is great and executed as well as TVD writing could do (infamously known for shitty writing and plot holes but I digress).

The pieces to the K/E puzzle were so obviously placed, Katherine who was jealous of Elena living the life she never got, chose the path of selfishness and power, and Elena chose the path of love and regrowth and not letting her past define her.

But viewers missed the big picture. Katherine is a survivor but where did that get her? Dead and unloved. Besides freedom from Klaus, she didn't get a single thing she desired. Not a life with Stefan or Elijah or as a mother with her daughter or as Elena Gilbert or Queen of Hell! No! She lost everything and blamed Elena. SHE LOST! SHE'S A LOSER!

She survived, but she didn't live.

In my opinion, Elena is the real survivor. She didn't let her past consume and lead her to a similar fate as Katherine. She chose to be selfless and to love again after being hurt.

She chose to be alive.

SO BACK TO THE PROMPT....

Why do y'all hate emotional women?

"Elena has experienced more grief than anyone I've ever met." - Sherrif Liz Forbes

Every character has went through a lot and have done similar, if not worst, things as Elena as a result yet she's the most hated character?

There's a pattern of fans hating certain female characters who are more sensitive and cry instead of bury their feelings and just punch a man and suddenly get crowned "Most Badass Female Character". Characters, not just female, expressing their emotions is strong and badass and might inspire audiences to do the same and not keep grief in and become self destructive. It's healthy and natural and makes the character not so one note.

It's not fair to compare Elena's trauma and experiences to other characters (espically not Bonnie, that's topic for a whole other post). But why do other characters get a pass despite being ten times more flawed and problematic?

Why are certain characters able to cry, complain, self destruct, fuck someone over, etc but Elena can't?

Genunine question.. let's discuss...

-*- I wasn't able to fully delve into my thoughts on Elena and certain TVD characters, plot points, theme, etc because this post will be 50 pages long. This is the brief version.

***There will be a part 2 to this post where I delve deeper into the trend of hating characters like Elena.

[7grandmel]

Todays rip: 18/01/2024

MAGFest 2019: SiIvaGunner Presents - High Quality Ripping

Season 3 Featured on: MAGFest 2019

Presented by Nape Mango, Omknee, ShonicTH, Chaze the Chat, Harmony Friends, Trofflesby, Craz Xexe, Agent

Yeah, okay, this is cheating in a lot of ways - this is not on the SiIvaGunner channel, and its obviously not even a rip. But I felt it necessary to commemorate, as I mentioned briefly in Because I Love You, its finally time for MAGFest once again, and the SiIvaGunner team is to host their own panel there tomorrow! And in the spirit of that, I want to just...talk about SiIvaGunner and MAGFest, at least for a little bit. Because the first two panels in particular, the ones that marked the beginning and end of Season 3, are some of my all-time favorite videos associated with the SiIvaGunner channel.

A big part of the identity and gimmick of the channel itself, as you're likely well aware, is the bait-and-switch - to present it as a faceless entity simply uploading video game music, only to instead feature jokes, shitposts, edits, and so forth. Part of maintaining that kayfabe, then, is to intentionally obscure who makes what behind the scenes, to keep the real people under wraps for those who aren't going to dig deeper, in order to further sell the illusion of being an official VGM upload. The team does of course still give credit when its relevant, as any rip can be featured on an album be given full credits there, but just that degree of separation alone between casual fans and ones willing to download an album has probably led to a few too many people being unaware of who made their favorite rips. Back then, I typically fell somewhere in the middle - I wasn't actively using music listening software and thus missed out on listening to albums for a long time, but was still aware of some of the big names you'd see in comments sections, saw some shoutouts from Twitter, the works.

Yet with the two MAGFest panels of 2018 and 2019 respectively, it felt like the first time that the magnitude of what SiIvaGunner is and how much it means to people was revealed to me for the first time ever. The uploaded recording of the 2018 panel, posted by Chaze's own account, features a shot about seven minutes in that turns the camera to the crowd - and it's an absolutely packed-full room of nerds just like me. And even though I've never been able to go to any of these MAGFest panels due to travel costs and complications...just seeing how many people truly do care about SiivaGunner, in such a tangible way, something more than a number...it resonated with me, yknow?

Beyond that, these panels are just such fascinating pieces of history for the channel, such good time capsules in so many ways - and that's in a lot of ways why I chose to highlight the 2019 panel in particular. Rather than discussing the upbringings of the channel, it features members of the team reminiscing and going through Season 3's timeline of events in particular, going into surprising detail into the thought process and direction the various pieces of the year took - while also giving insights into the production of the Christmas Comeback Crisis, King for a Day Tournament, and more. I feel like with the turn from Season 3 to Season 4 Episode 1, you can really notice that the idea of "hype" for SiIvaGunner content becoming so much more prominent, so much more deliberately handled by the team, which is made all the more evident by the King for Another Day Tournament reveal live on stage.

Man, look, it's an hour-long panel, and there's so many small things that I still remember from it, despite last having seen it five years ago. The members talking about their favorite rips, giving a round of applause to all the rippers who couldn't come join them at the panel or on-stage, the very funny last-minute rips made to "celebrate" the channel being terminated a day earlier (one of which I've embedded as the Bandcamp link), and even some slight discussions on what SiIvaGunner as a channel means to the team, what it represents, and what their goals have been overtime. And, of course, the fucking incredible PowerPoint hijinx with Inspector Gadget, which I am 100% going to take as confirmed canon that Gadget's level of sentience and awareness of the real world is just the same as Woodman's and The Voice.

I have, of course, been told a number of times that I overanalyze SiIvaGunner, that I'm uncovering depth that's clearly not intentional, looking too much into a silly meme channel. And sure, I'd admit that I do overthink things to a degree, anyone who read Vote Responsibly!! should be able to tell you as much. Yet its stuff like these in-depth behind-the-scenes looks, these moments of getting a face and a voice to attach to the works, that really just felt super validating to me even back then - that the intentions and goals of the channel that I myself had picked up on were in fact some sort of direction that the team itself were steering toward. And though Nape Mango does indeed declare in this very panel that "Everything is a coincidence with SiIvaGunner", I'm forever in awe at just how good the team has been at lining those coincidences up into something genuinely incredible.

We SilvaGunner, We Rip.

[kigiom]

Hi hello, I’m very much enjoying your endeavour posting with no context whatsoever! But what’s it about?

(I know I could google but personally I love explaining things I love, so I thought I’d ask😊)

hi! so! well! thank you that's very kind of you <3 very long post incoming.

endeavour is a crime drama that stands on its own, but it's also a prequel to a pretty well known earlier show called inspector morse (that I haven't actually seen) and features the titular character of endeavour morse as a much younger man (played by shaun evans), first as a constable and then a sergeant under the mentorship of one inspector thursday (roger allam). it's set in the 1960s and then early 1970s, which is executed very well! it's nine seasons long of about 3/4 episodes a season, each of them an hour and a half, which I find serves the show well in allowing more freedom for plot development and character dynamics.

I have enjoyed it very much and am currently mildly (extremely) obsessed with it, because it has a stellar combination of a) exemplary acting b) fantastic cinematography and atmosphere setting and c) adherence to the narrative.

in more detail:

morse himself is very much a character who cannot escape his own tragic fate because he brings it about himself, which is of course like catnip to me (love a character who brings his own doom!).

that, and the mildly codependent "we can't seem to part" relationship he has with thursday? delicious. initially of course the relationship is settled in a more mentor-mentee dynamic, though they instantly take a shine to each other (they just genuinely seem to like each other as people, despite their rank difference! they're two of a kind!) with morse as the mouthy, headstrong young man committed to justice and thursday as the experienced world war two veteran who tries to bring him in line while also fighting for that same cause: justice.

I'd argue they lose that dynamic pretty quickly (certainly by about S3), (though it was never particularly strong, given morse's sheer bloody-mindedness) establishing a much more equal footing with each other that's evident in the push and pull between them that starts becoming evident in S4 (ft. bickering) as morse comes into his own. I'll save any spoilers just in case you do decide to watch it, but! they aren't master and pupil — they're equals, and that adds so much more to the dynamic, I find, than a simple reading of them as teacher and student. there's the element of loyalty — thursday in his willingness to defend morse to superiors and morse in his...well, everything. he acknowledges thursday's faults and sticks to him despite his own iron morality. I'll add receipts to posts I made about this that sum it up better than I can manage typing this out sitting in a heatwave.

(here's the post concerning their devotion)

(and this textpost was also about them but it broke containment and now everyone thinks it's about hannibal)

further concerning the exploration of their morality intersecting with their loyalty:

anyway! it's a very good show! allam and evans have a spectacular dynamic as their respective characters, and both of them are incredible actors (evans in particular is of the precise facial expression journeys school, and manages to convey incredible depth and range of emotion, conflicting or not, in two seconds by the look on his face and body language. allam has a somewhat stage trained spin to playing thursday but he's equally brilliant at bringing depth and enormous complexity to a character that could so easily have become flat).

so, if you like to see:

- a miserable uppity twink growing up and becoming a middle aged man in spirit if not body

- said miserable little bastard being doomed from the start (he also gets progressively more miserable as the show goes on) (this will hurt) (it'll hurt a lot.)

- a deuteragonist straight out of a noir film; a family man who's seen the war and who comes to embody the violence he experienced against what he perceives as wrong

- protagonist and deuteragonist are basically textually the most important people in each other's lives and have the power to hurt each other like no one else (👍)

- the enormous ironies of the 1950s "family man"

- great atmosphere setting, wildly varying plots (for better and for worse, but it largely stays in the IMDB 8+ mark), brilliant supporting characters and cast

- acknowledgement of police corruption and brutality (the latter a complex issue, the former the main overarching plot of the show)

- constant parallel drawing and running threads of the narrative that you go "oh my GOD" at during the rewatch

...then this show is for you!

(...and thank you for reading all that)

[attn-all-pickpockets]

top 5 txf episodes

I loved this prompt but also it was very hardddd, I mostly chose ones that I never shut up about lmao

"Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose"

This is my girl, this is my ride or die. I was in the Northeast when the first category 1 hurricane hit in like 50 years and I had to drive through the outer bands in a rental car with a spare tire on it and when we got home I made everyone watch this because it's my comfort episode that accompanies me through moments of triumph as well as crisis. Scully befriending the depressed old man psychic is such a great storyline for Scully and this whole ep really lets her shine. Scully has such a kindness and playfulness that she typically only shows with Mulder, but her fondness for the deadpan comedy stylings of Bruckman made her fond of him and her heartbreak when he dies is such a perfect scene. Also I just think of her smile and "there are hits and there are misses, and then there are misses :)" a lot.

2. "Leonard Betts"

If someone asked me what is the episode of The X Files that feels like the quintessential episode, I would say "Leonard Betts", which I think some would think as a weird choice. But this episode is what this show was at the height of its popularity to me. It aired after the Superbowl and the cold open is one of its best with a beheading, followed by the corpse waltzing right out of the morgue. The banter between Mulder and Scully is top notch and full of perfect Mulder quips ("blinked or winked?") and incredulous Scully deliveries ("Mulder, they're worms") and even if the scientific explanation of "evolutionary cancer" is deeply ludicrous from a scientific perspective, it is a great x-file. And the ENDING of finding out Scully has cancer is such a gut punch, just a phenomenal hour of tv.

3. "Paper Clip"

This is on here because I love the Anasazi/The Blessing Way/Paper Clip trilogy so much and I have to shout it out. I will always cape for early mythology because I think the fact that became a muddled mess makes people forget how damn good it was to begin with. So much of the early character work was done in these episodes and they're so compelling. Bringing in real history with Operation Paper Clip and connecting Mulder's father to the people Mulder is trying to investigate was a great move (that they didn't totally deliver on imo, but "sins of the father" is a great idea at the very least) and expanding the scope and complicity in the conspiracy really put what Mulder and Scully were up against in perspective. Mulder relenting and choosing to go out of hiding for Scully so she could see her sister and their conversation in the hospital room after Melissa died are some of my favorite moments of the show.

4. "Folie a Deux"

It's hard to pick a Vince episode and this could just as easily be "Pusher" (which was the episode that got me to seriously ship msr) or "Bad Blood" or almost any other episode he wrote, but "Folie a Deux" is special to me. Mulder's mental wellness and people's belief that he's crazy has been an angle that has always been present and Vince framing this as a joint delusion on Mulder and Scully's part is so fascinating and a fantastic bit or writing to me. Mulder is so discredited and dismissed in this episode and the only person who listens to him is Scully and that's a perfect distillation of their dynamic and the show itself. Also the episode is Marxist to me.

5. "Jose Chung's From Outer Space"

I thought to myself "well I can't have two Darin episodes on here" but…of course I can! This is one of the greatest episodes of TV of all time. Not just of sci-fi or network or pre-00s TV, of all TV ever made. This is one of the episodes that sets The X Files apart from its clones or other cop procedural shows and it's that it can switch genres and tones and bring this post-modern, storyline hopping masterpiece out and no one thinks twice about its place in the show or season. A lot gets said about how funny it is and the melancholic tone Darin brings to his writing, but I find myself so impressed by they way the writing and directing work to make the timeline jumping work and not end up confusing the viewer. I'll eventually talk about this more, but the shot construction to create anchor points between a re-enactment and the scene of the narrator telling this story to Mulder and Scully is so great.