#also there were multiple medics in the background of a couple scenes and for the life of me i could not tell which one was roe

[saintmalosunsets]

BAND OF BROTHERS | DAY OF DAYS

Doc Roe in the background of scenes (pt. 4/26)

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! I am working on a story where one of the three protagonist has a burn scar. This character has from the eye to half their right cheek of a burn; this happened around 9 years ago (the character was 10.)

I am working on historical-fantasy setting, I know you guys are not historians but I was hoping you could help me out with ideas.

In my story, there is a few chapters where the characters go to a snowy mountain for a couple of days, and there are temperatures ranging from 20ºF to 10ºF with snow and harsh wind, is there any protection/possible cream needed for the face and the eye for that situation?

Also, around 10% of the story has fights that include armour (including a helmet to protect the face and the head,) would a character with that type of burn may need a special helmet?

Just to clarify, the character for most of the story doesn't have any mask or anything covering their face, except in the moments of battle where every other character is also using a helmet and armour.

Not sure if there is anything potentially problematic in this, but the character got that injury due to a baby dragon of the family accidentally burning his face (this is a society where dragons are like animals and common in the house.) Because it happened so many years ago there isn't any angst feeling or people in his community commenting about, except in a scene where the protagonists are talking about traumatic things and this character mentioned that they remember when it happened his parents were afraid he was not going to make it, not realizing he was hearing it.

There are other background characters with burns, scars and stumps due to the nature of this world, but I am concentrating in this protagonist right now.

Hi!

For weather this cold, your character would need a LOT of moisturizing creams. Possibly a comical amount. They would help to protect the skin from both the wind and cold. Burn scars don't have the natural oils, so his skin would be very dry normally, let alone during the winter. Even in normal temperatures, it's recommended to apply moisture multiple times a day. If something like sunscreen is available to your character, he would use it too (and often). Burns are sensitive to the sun, and some people use it even when it's cloudy. During the winter it's also commonly used because the snow reflects it. (As you said, I'm very much not a historian and I don't know what would work as non-modern equivalents... I assume that shea butter or olive oils could be on the table here? Certainly better than nothing. Or even just Magical Herb Mixture, if it's fantasy.)

As for the eye protection, I would say that most people in 20ºF to 10ºF (-6ºC to -12ºC) would need it, especially if it's both snowing and windy lol. I have experienced those temperatures and it can be hard to see even without extremely sensitive skin/eyes. But generally yes, harsh wind could be actively painful to someone with a burn scar. If it's too hard on him, he could wear some very loose cloth to cover it (prime example of a scenario where a face covering makes medical and just logical sense). It shouldn't be tight; maybe just a large hood or veil that would still be away from that part of their face.

Note: it could also not be painful at all. Burns come with nerve damage, and sometimes nerves make non-painful stimuli hurt really bad, and sometimes they make it so a person doesn't feel pain when they should. If your character is the second, they would bear it better at the time but still have all the other issues - skin breakdown, contraction, cracking, itching.

Not sure what other kind of eye protection would be available, but even regular glasses would help with the "not getting blasted with wind and snow" part. Make sure that with the protection he wears, it doesn't touch the scar directly. That can be extremely painful and cause skin to break in that kind of environment, especially if he's not a regular at the Snowy Mountain. If they are, they will handle it much better - scars get more or less desensitized with repetitive exposure.

For a helmet, I think having it padded from the inside would be a good idea. Preferably with something relatively smooth (maybe cloth or fur?) so that it doesn't scratch the burn. Potentially something to "stabilize" it (maybe their helmet could be custom-made for their exact head size?) so that it doesn't hit his scar over and over too if it's too large. I appreciate that others characters wear helmets too, and that he does for only a minor part of the story :-) (smile emoji))

The backstory scenario sounds fine to me as well! House pet trying to play and causing an injury is definitely a thing when it comes to facial differences haha. I can imagine that it would be even more common if the pet in question is a dragon and not a regular dog.

Having multiple burn survivors in a world with fire-breathing creatures that live in human homes is a nice element of worldbuilding :) (smile emoji)! I think that if this kind of thing happens often, then some of the resources I mentioned (moisturizes, sunblock) would be more readily available for your main character and people in similar sets of circumstances.

Thank you for your ask, I hope it helped a bit!

Mod Sasza

[shirogane-oushirou]

Heyooooo!!! I really wanna learn more about your f/os, so I'm gonna ask 🍫, ⚔️ and📱 for anyone you wanna answer for hehe :3

( @verykissablepixels )

AAAAA, thank you so much reffie!!! 😭 sorry it took a little while to answer kjsndfjk -- i decided, though i'm still DEEPLY in ren brainrot hell, that i miss talking about my main man oushirou... so i answered for both of them hehe ^^

🍫 Does your f/o have a favorite candy bar?:

REN: i think both versions of him would prefer something with just a bit of crunch and some other sweet ingredient to match the chocolate, like butterfinger or twix!! he keeps a bag of mini-size bars in his room so he can grab one when he needs a little pick-me-up.

OUSHIROU: not to be all ERMMM 🤓 about this one with him but i imagine he'd be more into like... nice, flavored chocolates? he wouldn't turn his nose up at normal candy bars, but he grew up a RICH household and, if buying for himself, he'd spend more money to get something nicer with more subtle flavors.

...that being said, there is a scene in his "in winter" route where he stays behind at seigetsu after a chocolate hunt? event? for valentines day to find and take any leftover chocolates, so if it's FREE he'll take what he can get no matter the flavor and no matter the effort KJNSDKFJN.

⚔️ If your f/o were a D&D character, what would their class be?:

(i'm not a dnd girlie, so i'm basing all of this on simple descriptions of the classes and a "tag yourself as a dnd class" meme lmao ;;; )

REN: he seems like an artificer! even though r!ren didn't go into the medical profession, he has the same creativity and ingenuity that makes doc!ren so good at his job.

(and he LOVES dnd. he wasn't able to play often as a kid due to his strict upbringing, but doc!ren occasionally joins one-off campaigns online when he has the energy, and r!ren plays with a couple of people from work when their off days line up.)

OUSHIROU: sorcerer! he comes from a family of very successful, very wealthy practitioners of western fortune telling, and he absolutely inherited the gift. 👍🏻

📱 What’s your f/o’s phone wallpaper?:

REN: not to be cheesy, but he'd 100% have a selfie of the two of us being goofy together as his lock screen. doc!ren would use a simple geometric design with a lowkey color palette for his home screen, while r!ren uses a louder, maybe more neon palette with a more complex pattern.

OUSHIROU: he'd also have a selfie of the two of us on the lock screen (though the composition would be more intentional lmao), but his home screen would probably be a flat color for utility's sake; he'd need to be able to flip through apps quickly to take notes, do research, take quick photos of things he doesn't plan to include in his articles but still needs to reference at some point, etc, and he doesn't want a distracting background to slow him down.

he probably WOULD, however, choose a NICE flat color and then fully customize his multiple screens with widgets, dividers, etc... partially to organize his apps for ease of use, and partially bc he can't make it NOT look nice, no no no, he needs his phone to be both useful AND ~*~aesthetically pleasing~*~ 😤

[jayoctodot]

The Silent Patient vs The Maidens

I will start by saying that I understand the appeal of these novels as page-turners. They are easy to read and if you want a twisty reveal at the end, you will probably be entertained and satisfied. That being said, I am SO CONFUSED by the near-universal adoration of The Silent Patient and the reasonably positive reception of The Maidens. The weaknesses of the two are strikingly similar, as well, which doesn’t give me much hope of seeing improvement from this guy, though I am intrigued to see whether he keeps repeating the same (apparently successful!!) patterns. These books were at least super fun to hate.

(For context, I read The Maidens for a bookclub I'm in, because several of the members had read and loved The Silent Patient, and one of them gave me a copy of the latter to read on my own time. I loathed The Maidens and then read The SP for comparative purposes. And because I'm a masochist, apparently.)

SPOILER WARNING! Do not read on unless you've finished both books (or unless you care not for spoilers). Sorry if it gets a bit shouty.

Here are the similar weaknesses I noticed in both:

PSEUDO-PSYCHOLOGY

-> Weirdly similar “group therapy” scenes early on where a cartoonishly unstable patient arrives late, disrupts the meeting by throwing something into the middle of the circle, and is asked to join the group after the therapist(s) speechify on the importance of boundaries (HA! None of these therapists would know an appropriate boundary if it kicked them in the ass) and debate whether to “allow” the patient to join. Both scenes are so transparent in their design to establish the credibility/legitimacy of the narrators as therapists, but instead both Theo and Mariana come off as super patronizing. The protagonists are less and less believable as therapists at the stories progress (though at least Theo’s incompetence is explained away by the “twist” at the end; Mariana, on the other hand, is confronted in the opening pages of the novel by a patient who has self-harmed PRETTY extensively, and rather than ensure he get proper medical attention, she essentially throws him a first aid kit and tosses him out the door so she can pour herself a glass of wine and call her niece... and it devolves from there).

-> Ongoing insistence throughout the narrative that one’s childhood trauma entirely explains the warped/dysfunctional way a character behaves or views the world, which is why the books go out of their way to give EVERY potentially violent character a traumatic childhood; when Theo insists that no one ever became an abuser who hadn’t been abused themselves, I wanted to throw the book across the room. (That is a MYTH, SIR. GET OUT OF HERE WITH YOUR ARMCHAIR PSYCHOLOGY.)

-> Female murderers whose pathology boils down to “history of depression” and “traumatized by a male loved one/family member.” Because, as we all know, depression + abuse = murderer!

-> The “therapy” depicted in both books is laughable and so so unrealistic, mostly because neither narrators function as therapists so much as incompetent detectives, obsessively pursuing a case they have no place pursuing (or skill to pursue - both just happen across every clue mostly by way of clunky conversation with all the people who can provide precisely the snippet of info to send them along to the next person, and the next… until all is revealed in a tired, cliched “twist”). Their constant Psych 101 asides were so tiresome and weirdly dated (also, the constant harping on countertransference got so ridiculous that at one point during "therapy" Theo literally attributes his headache and a particular emotion he feels to Alicia, as though the contents of her head are being broadcast directly into his mind... and I'm PRETTY SURE that's not how it works???)

CHARACTERS

-> Psychotherapist narrators with abusive fathers and pretensions of being Sherlock Holmes, which results in both characters crossing ALL KINDS of ethical lines as they invade the personal lives of everyone even tangentially connected to their cases (and, in Theo's case, violate all kinds of patient confidentiality. Yeah, yeah, by the end, that's the least of his offenses, but before you get there, it's baffling that NO ONE is calling him out on this).

-> All female characters are either elderly with hilariously bad advice, monstrous hulking brutes, or beautiful bitches (except for ~MARIANA~, who is Bella Swan-esque in her unawareness of her own attractiveness, despite multiple men trying to get with her almost immediately after meeting her. I'm so tired of beautiful female characters being oblivious to their own hotness. Are we meant to believe all mirrors and male attention have escaped their notice? If it’s to make them “relatable,” this tactic really fails with me).

-> All characters of color are shallow, cartoonish side characters, and most of them are depicted as unsympathetic minor antagonists (the Sikh Chief Inspector in The Maidens continuously drinks tea from an ever-present thermos, and his only other notable characteristic is his instant dislike of Mariana, whom he VERY RIGHTLY warns to stay out of the investigation that she is VERY MUCH compromising… the Caribbean manager of the Grove is universally disliked by her staff for enforcing stricter safety regulations at the bafflingly poorly run mental institution, because HOW DARE SHE. There's a very clear vibe that we're supposed to dislike these characters and share the protagonists' indignation, but honestly Sangha/Stephanie were completely in the right for trying to shut down their wildly inappropriate investigations).

-> "Working class" characters (or basically anyone excluded from the comfortably upper-crust, educated main cadre of characters) are few and far between in both stories, but when they show up, he depicts them as such caricatures. We got Elsie the pathologically lying housekeeper in the Maidens, who is enticed to share her bullshit with cake, and then a TOOTHLESS LEPRECHAUN DEALING DRUGS UNDER A BRIDGE in the SP. I kid you not, a man described as having the body of a child, the face of Father Time, and no front teeth, emerges from beneath a bridge and offers to sell Theo some "grass." I was dyinggg.

-> There are no characters to root for. Anywhere. Partly because they’re all so thinly drawn — and because we’re clearly supposed to view almost ALL of them as potential suspects, so they’re ALL weird, creepy, or incompetent in some way.

-> The flimsiest of flimsy motives, both for the narrators and the murderers. Theo fully would have gotten away with his involvement in the murder if he hadn't gone out of his way to work at the Grove and "treat" Alicia and his justification for doing so is pretty weak; his rapid descent into stalking and murder fantasy and his random ass decision to "expose" Alicia's husband as a cheater with a spur-of-the-moment home invasion and staged attempted homicide is ONLY justified if the reader hand waves it away as WELP, HE'S CRAZY, I GUESS (after all, he DID have an abusive father and a history of mental illness, and in Michaelides novels, that's ALL YOU NEED to become a violent psycho). I guess we're lucky Mariana didn't also start dropping bodies (because the logic of his fictional universe says she should definitely be a murderer by now... maybe that'll be his Maidens sequel?). But she especially had NO reason to randomly turn detective - and she kept trying to justify it by saying she needed to re-enter the world or that Sebastian would want her to (??), even though she had no background in criminal psychology... or even a particular fondness for mysteries (really, I would've accepted ANYTHING to explain her dogged obsession with the case. WHY were Sebastian and Zoe so certain she would insert herself into the investigation just because one of Zoe's friends was the first victim? WHY?). As for Zoe and Alicia, their motives are mere suggestions: they were both abused and manipulated, and voila! Slippery slope to murder.

WRITING STYLE

-> Incessant allusions to Greek tragedy and myth, apparently to provide a sophisticated gloss over the bare-bones writing style, which opts more for telling than showing and frequently indulges in hilariously bizarre analogies. Credit where credit is due — the references to Greek myth are less clunky in the SP, and I liked learning about the Alcestis play/myth, which I hadn’t heard of before - but OMG the entire characterization of Fosca, who we are meant to believe is a professor of Greek tragedy at one of the most respected universities on the planet, is just absurd. His "lecture" on the liminal in Greek tragedy is essentially the Wikipedia page on the Eleusinian Mysteries capped off with some Hallmark-card carpe diem crap. The lecture hall responds with raucous applause, clearly never having heard such vague genius bullshit before.

-> Super clunky and amateurish narrative device of interludes written by another character; Sebastian’s letter reads like a mashup of Dexter monologues and Clarice’s memory of the screaming sheep, but by FAR the worse offender is Alicia’s diary, where we’re supposed to believe she painstakingly recorded ENTIRE CONVERSATIONS, BEAT-BY-BEAT DIALOGUE, even when she’s just been DRUGGED TO THE GILLS with morphine and has mere moments of consciousness left… and even before that, she literally takes the time to write “He's trying the windows and doors! ...Someone’s inside! Someone’s inside the house! ETC ETC” when she thinks her stalker has broken in downstairs. WHO DOES THAT?)

-> Speaking of dialogue, the dialogue is so bad. Based on his bio, Michaelides got a degree in screenwriting, which makes his terrible dialogue even more baffling.

-> HILARIOUSLY rendered voyeur scenes where the narrators spy on couples having sex. Such unintentionally awkward descriptions. First we had Kathy’s climax sounds through the trees and then the bowler hat carefully placed on a tombstone before the gatekeeper plows a student. Again, I died.

PLOT/"TWIST"

-> The CONSTANT red herrings make for such an exhausting read. Michaelides drops anvils with almost every character that are so obviously meant to designate them as suspects in our minds. There is absolutely no subtlety in his misdirections.

-> The “crossover” scene between the SP and The Maidens makes no sense - when in the timeline does Mariana’s story overlap with Theo’s? They confer just before Theo starts working at the Grove, obviously (though Mariana appears to be the one who alerts Theo to the job opening there? Whereas in the SP, Theo has been obsessively tracking Alicia since the murder and had already planned to apply to work there?), but then are we supposed to believe that while Theo has been psychotically pursuing his warped quest to “help” Alicia, he’s also been diligently treating Zoe, so invested in her case that he repeatedly reaches out to Mariana to get her to visit Zoe and even writes Mariana a lengthy letter to convince her to do so??? And then a couple days after The Maidens ends, Theo is arrested???

-> But the thing I really did hate the most is how Michaelides treats his female murderers (who are both also victims themselves) as mere means to deploy a “twist”; there’s no moment spared to encourage our sympathy for Zoe, who was groomed and manipulated by the only trusted father figure in her life, and even after spending a decent amount of time getting to know Alicia via her ridiculous diary, where it’s so apparent that she’s been demeaned, objectified, manipulated, gaslit, and/or used by EVERY man in her life, she’s sent packing to spend the rest of her days in a coma… HOW much more satisfying would it have been for her to succeed in exposing Theo and reclaiming her voice? But no, she basically rolls over when he comes to finish her off (SPEAKING OF — ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THERE ARE NO SECURITY CAMERAS IN THIS INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE????), writes one last diary entry, and drifts off forever. And then a couple pages of nothing later, the story is over. GOODNIGHT, ALICIA!

Both books kept me rolling throughout (by which I mean eye-rolling but also rotfl). Maybe I will check out his next effort — I’m morbidly curious what he’ll turn out. It does leave me wondering whether I should give up on thriller novels entirely, though. Are many of the weaknesses of these novels just characteristic of the genre? Maybe I'm just holding these books to unfair standards? I'm mostly only familiar with thriller films — many of which I think are amazing — but maybe you can get away with more in a film than you can in a novel.

...I really only intended to write a handful of bullet points, but more and more kept coming to mind as I wrote, to the point where subheadings became necessary. Whoopsie.

[simonfarnabyslegs]

for the ask game: Julian, Captain and Humphrey! :)

julian

a song that reminds me of them: a cop out, since this one is canon. any time i hear "i'll make love to you," i think of him singing that at music club (and also mary going "i don't want him toooo" lol). i also feel like he would LOVE britney spears's music.

what they smell like: really expensive but really bad aftershave and too much cologne. also alcohol and sex. but the first thing you notice is the bad aftershave.

an otp: him and robin. there is no other acceptable pairing. i do think it would be funny if he and fanny had a thing though. or him and the captain (alison walks in on them doing something and the captain just yells "WE'RE JUST A COUPLE OF CHAPS IN THE LIBRARY" while julian isn't even trying to keep what they were just doing a secret).

a notp: uhhh him and kitty. she's the only one i would be mad about tbh.

favorite platonic/familial relationships: the way he's like a really awful, bad-influence uncle to alison.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: i can't think of one. we all generally agree that he's a hilarious bastard man and come up with stuff accordingly.

the position they sleep in: he sleeps in the exact middle of the bed, or he starts out on one side, since he's used to sharing in life, but gradually spreads out, and if anyone else tried to sleep in the same bed as him they'd be really annoyed because he always manages to hog so much space and leave them barely hanging onto the edge.

a crossover au i'd love to see them in: very unoriginal, but i'd love to see a horrible histories stupid deaths segment with him.

my favorite outfit they've ever worn: we've seen a couple now actually, unlike some of the other ghosts. but i really do prefer the no trousers look and anything else is slightly unsettling if i'm honest.

the captain

a song that reminds me of them: i really can't think of one. the captain isn't one of my favourite characters so i don't really think a lot about him when i listen to music. sorry.

what they smell like: weirdly, i think he smells like nothing. like. unsettlingly so. you almost want him to smell like something, but he just. doesn't. he's very clean, but he doesn't even smell like soap. it's just. an empty air smell, if you can describe it as such. he smokes, too, so you'd expect a tobacco smell or a smoke smell, but even that isn't there. this man just smells like nothing.

an otp: i don't ship him with any of the other ghosts in the house. i do think him and julian hooking up exactly one (1) time could lead to multiple hilarious comedic possibilities, but i don't want them to be in a relationship.

a notp: i saw someone shipping him with fanny and just... no. that doesn't make any sense.

favorite platonic/familial relationships: i love how he's just got that Dad Instinct. he looked at kitty and alison and went "isn't anyone going to father these young ladies?" and didn't wait for an answer.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: i don't like the patcaps ship.

the position they sleep in: series 1 cap slept board-straight in the bed, almost like he was standing at attention. series 3 cap probably sleeps curled up on his side, or on his stomach, or curled up all nice and comfy.

a crossover au i'd love to see them in: young wwi era cap in series 2 of downton abbey. i don't know if i'd like to see him turn up as a young man in the trenches or one of the patients at downton, or maybe as a medical officer like thomas barrow, in the lower ranks, helping out in the background.

my favorite outfit they've ever worn: *gestures* this?

humphrey

a song that reminds me of them: "blue caravan" by vienna teng. after all the "mr. cheese" stuff, i got to thinking about how he probably has a lot of time to imagine the different lives he could have had if circumstances had been different, and this song is about imagining the perfect supportive, caring partner, but realising that they're not real and it's just a foolish self delusion. or perhaps a lighter, more hopeful version of the same theme, "jackie and wilson" by hozier, where the narrator once again imagines a partner and an ideal life which they haven't achieved yet, but they're still holding out for.

what they smell like: okay so tudors only bathed like once every six to eight weeks or something like that. they believed baths were bad for them. not only that, wealthy tudors' diets were appalling. so unfortunately he probably doesn't smell great. (but luckily i've never had much of a sense of smell, so.....)

an otp: him and someone who actually likes him and wants to talk to him and spend time with him. so far we haven't seen that, so for now i'll keep making up random ocs to set him up with.

a notp: him and thomas, since thomas is so horrible to him.

favorite platonic/familial relationships: i'd love to see him be yet another dad to alison, or to kitty.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with: i don't like the whole humphrey and jemima thing because a lot of the stuff is either really fucking uncomfortable, or the people who write it make it weird by babying jemima. she's 11-12 years old and they treat her like she's four years old and that just feels really weird to me. obviously she's a kid and she should be treated like one, but there's also such a thing as age appropriate parenting. also i'm pretty sure jemima is meant to be one of john's kids who also died of the plague so like. acting like she's all alone and hasn't got any parents or anyone at all is so confusing to me because if she's one of john's kids, she's got like twenty parents. we just don't see her with the plague ghosts because like any kid, she probably goes off and plays away from her parents during the day. anyway.

the position they sleep in: when he was alive i feel like he would fall asleep in a normal position, on his back or on his side, but when his valet or whoever went to wake him up in the morning, he was always like, hanging off the bed or laying at a weird angle and they were always like "how the fuck did he even get like that." in death, like. his head just sleeps however it was set down or dropped. and i'm a fan of your headcanon that the body just collapses wherever it is when his head falls asleep.

a crossover au i'd love to see them in: forgive me for saying downton abbey again but i'm doing a rewatch with one of my friends. i'm gonna throw him into the edwardian era as some random gentleman cousin and he and lady edith are going to be poor, pitiful, unlucky-in-love besties who bond over all the ridiculously tragic shit that's happened to them and how they always get bullied or left out of things.

my favorite outfit they've ever worn: he technically only has one outfit (damn the bbc for putting the whole costuming budget into the georgian episode instead of the tudor one. /j), but i like the dressed down version where he's just in the white shirt and the breeches. he looks. very handsome. in that scene. ahem.

[adamsvanrhijn]

I think you mentioned something like this but the only way I can reasonably justify Thomas not being noticeably traumatised by the war is that he’s already lived a somewhat traumatic life and already knows how to be quote unquote ‘resilient’ (which is a term I’ve seen used to refer child abuse/trauma victims who have managed to lead relatively normal lives) and he knows how to compartmentalise trauma so he can function day-to-day (...but even then...anything he may have experienced no matter how horrific cannot have been comparable to the trenches or no man’s land cause that shit was unimaginable, so tbh I still think it’s *still* somewhat unrealistic how little we see the war effecting him in the long term. Unless he was only at the front for those couple of scenes we saw him there?)

(Tw suicide attempt mention) Even if Thomas *had* compartmentalised all his trauma from his life & the war to the point where its barely noticeable to those around him..there's gotta be a breaking point at some time. Which made me think: his obvious breaking point was his suicide attempt; what if they had referenced some of his war trauma finally resurfacing at that time; like it would've made sense and it wouldn't have made it seem like he was completely unaffected by the war

ok i am ASSUMING these are related asks from the same anon...

first things first he has a 1914 star so he definitely had his boots on the ground overseas in 1914!! EDIT: it is in fact a 1914-1915 star so he could have gone over a bit later. depends on the length of training!

enough of Downton Abbey happens off screen that there is plenty of room for viewers to imagine he is struggling with it at least, but yeah! agree they could have done more!

and by your logic they actually had multiple chances, because thomas has multiple post-war breaking points. of which the suicide attempt is the most severe, but there are other places, too! we're about to enter pepe silvia territory, get ready!

S2: Black market situation. Need for control, fear of the unknown, loss of purpose. Etc. The connection here is obvious.

S3: Sike, O'Brien isn't actually his mom, even though last season she was his literal lifeline for two years. He rends that relationship as far as he can bear to, which is pretty far. Then Sybil dies. This occurs shortly after a new employee arrives at Downton, one who is giving him the time of day and doesn't have the baggage everybody else has about him, and seems to be clicking with him and who values Sybil despite not having known her, and who hasn't rejected his advances so maybe he has a chance. O'Brien is manipulating things in the background, Thomas begins to face the impending threat of job loss with Bates out of prison. The last time he was looking for work he was having trouble for multiple reasons, one of which was the wounded/disfigured veteran thing. Sybil is still dead and never coming back. He hasn't had a sincere connection or understanding with another man since Courtenay, who is also dead. And then boom, everything goes off the rails.

S4: IMO this actually has the most freaked out Thomas we see besides S2E1/S2E8 (S2E7?) unless I'm confusing that with something that happens in S5E1 or S5E2. Either way, the control issues jump out, paranoia is off the charts, he's nervous and agitated and the meanest we have seen him be, ever. He's taking aaaaall of his issues out on Baxter (and let's not forget that he never had closure with O'Brien), as well as, inexplixably, Tom Branson! Who by the way is starting to move on from Sybil. A lot of Thomas's behavior here seems to be about betrayal, perceived and actual. It is also a textbook presentation of something else.

S5: Jimmy leaves. Thomas does not react well. Besides O'Brien, the last three characters who left Thomas before this were Matthew, Sybil, and Courtenay, who all have something in common. Something something Clarkson is also there. Kind of weird for a former RAMC medic to ignore all of the signs and symptoms and red flags in this situation. When was the last time he made a mistake like this one, putting all of his money, time and energy into a single way out no matter how too-good-to-be-true? Side note, while electrotherapy was not to my knowledge (I'm still looking) used for proto-conversion-therapy in the 1920s, a it was a treatment used for patients with shell shock during the war. I wonder what associations he might have with it/the kind of people who receive it!

The war memorial was such a missed opportunity but we all know this.

S6: A million things I can say here but I've delayed taking my meds for hours so I'll just say that it's interesting to note that Thomas chooses a method that he has seen used "successfully" before, but with one key difference: the amount of clean up required.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week - 28

3 by Miyazaki:

✳️✳️✳️ Never-Ending Man: Another wonderful NHK documentary about Old Man Hayao Miyazaki after his 2013 retirement, and as he slowly comes around to create one more animation, the short ‘Boro The Caterpillar’. It follows him unobtrusively for a couple of years, walking from his simple house to his office at the studio, drawing drawing, struggling with self doubt and old age, and yes - driving a bit in his old Citroën 2CV.

It’s such a privilege to be so close to a legendary artist and watch him at close range - 8/10.

✳️✳️✳️ Kiki's Delivery Service, one of my most favorite Ghibli masterpieces, about a 13 year old witch, who flies on a broom to a new city in order to build her independence. With a magical score by Joe Hisaishi. 

- Best film of the week!

✳️✳️✳️ Castle in the sky, Miyazaki’s 3rd feature from 1986, an cyberpunk adventure fantasy which contains many of the elements and characters which will show up fully formed in his later films: Sheeta looks like Kiki, Dola behaves like Yubaba, Pazu as a stand in for Haku, etc. I prefer his quieter, more personal, smaller stories.

✴️

Exit Plan (“Suicide Tourist”) is a Danish film about a quiet man with a terminal brain tumor who signs up for an upscale Norwegian hotel specializing in assisted end-of-life fantasies. Starts as a dark existential tale, ends with a kind of ambiguous mystery.

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is the guy.

✴️

The Aerial  (”La Antena”) is an innovative Argentinian silent film from 2007,  about a city that had lost its voice, and its only savior, a boy without eyes who is crucified on a Star of David. It’s a surreal allegory in German expressionism style, a weird black & white fantasy about mind control. In short, a unique and inaccessible fairy tale.

“Mommy, are you there?...”

(Photo Above)

✴️

For comparison, I revisited ‘Un Chien Andalou’, Bunuel & Dalí disturbing, groundbreaking masterpiece. Even though every outrageous frame of it is part of history now, the raw imagery is still shocking - Pure id. I can’t imagine being in the room in 1929, and watching it for the first time. No wonder the two surrealists were disappointed at the audience's positive reception.

✴️

2 from French director Mia Hansen-Løve:

✳️✳️✳️ The Future / “Things to come“ from 2016. Isabelle Huppert is a resilient middle-aged philosophy professor whose life suddenly suffers multiple setbacks.

It only has 6 scenes with background music, each punctures the quiet delivery of the story at an emotional peak: A Schubert lieder, a Woodie Guthrie song on the radio, a lullaby...

I loved it!

✳️✳️✳️ Goodbye First Love tells about a romance between a 15 year old and a boy who leaves her, and then comes back 8 years later, after she settles down.

Unhurried, sensitive story-telling, reminisces of Eric Rohmer, with careful use of music and language. It also has a couple of scenes shot here at the Kastrup Sea Baths and on the grounds of Louisiana museum.

Loved it! I’m looking forward to see her new ‘’Bergman Island’.

✴️

Love in the afternoon, the last of Eric Rohmer’s ‘6 Moral Tales’. Exploration of sexual and spiritual virtues in 1972 Paris, by a traditional married man who carries on a platonic love affair with an old flame.

✴️

The White Ribbon - Austrian Michael Haneke’s dark, multi-layered tragedy. In 1913, a series of upsetting events occur in a small German village. A horse trips on a wire and injures its rider; a woman falls to her death through rotted planks; the local baron's son is hung upside down in a mill; parents bully their children; a man torments his long-suffering lover; another sexually abuses his daughter. People disappear.

Relentless inquiry into abuse, cruelty and despair. Shot in gorgeous Bergmansk black & white.

(This is an Italian speaking copy). 8/10

✴️

2 more from 1973:

✳️✳️✳️ First watch - Soylent Green, a pessimistic science fiction story happening in 2022. Very prescient in its dystopian prediction of global warming, over population, resource depletion and income equality.

The 2 minutes opening montage was paced brilliantly. 7/10

✳️✳️✳️ In Scarecrow, Gene Hackman and Al Pacino are two drifters who becomes friends as they hitchhike from California to Pittsburgh. 6/10

✴️

In Pig, Nicholas Cage is a reclusive mountain man, living out in the woods outside Portland, OR, gathering truffles with a female pig, who is his only friend. One night, some tweakers attack him and kidnap the pig. His journey to bring her back takes him on a surprising and completely unexpected places. 

Very un-American!

✴️

“… and Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln”

6 episodes of the 1982 TV series Police Squad!,  a spoof of police procedurals - shorter and funnier than the Naked Gun movies which it later spawned. Zucker-Abrams-Zucker production.

“Who are you? And how did you get in here?

- "I'm a locksmith, and I'm a locksmith”

✴️

“Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'”

Every time I watch Hot Fuzz, it gets better. "Not just one of the best comedies of all time, it’s one of the best movies of all time", for sure.

Editor Tony Zhou, of ‘Every Frame A Painting’, shot an excellent video essay ‘How to do visual comedy’ about Edgar Wright.

Jim Broadbent as Inspector Frank Butterman: “He had one thing you haven't got... A great, big, bushy beard! “

✴️

Re-watch: Wag the Dog, blackest of black comedies, utterly cynical, nihilistic view of politics. Americans can always be distracted, can always be manipulated, and can always be led to believe anything the powers-to-be needs them to. You can fool all of the people all of the time. 

“Look, look, look. He's fine as long as he gets his medications...”

Amazingly, it premiered one month BEFORE the Lewinsky scandal!

✴️

The Invisible Guest, a forgettable and predictable Spanish murder-mystery thriller from 2016. Best part was the soft, minimalist European style score (or am I just going deaf?)

✴️

How to Become a Tyrant, a new docu-series narrated by Peter Dinklage. 6 short episodes about Hitler, Stalin, Gaddafi, Kim Il-sung, Idi Amin and Saddam Hussein. (Mao is referred to, but doesn’t get his own chapter).

And it doesn’t mention trump, even as a Wanna be Dictator - probably because he didn’t succeed in his (first) attempt.

✴️

Seaspiracy, the most depressing documentary I’ve ever seen. Ali Tabrizi starts investigating plastic pollution in the ocean, and quickly realizes that it is commercial fishing that is the bane of our existence. Basically all fishing must be banned, as there will be no more live fish in the seas in 2048. There were some ‘controversies’ about the claims the movie makes, but they came from mainstream entities, who support incremental change.

Utterly disgusting: We deserve all that befall us.

✴️

A colorful and dramatic Vatican drama, The Two Popes, with excellent ‘Odd Couple’ performances by Anthony Hopkins as the first Pope in 700 years to step down and by Jonathan Pryce who doesn’t want to succeed him. Re-watch.

- - - - -

Throw-back to the art project:

Salvador Dali Adora.

Kiki Delivery Service Adora.

- - - - -

(My complete movie list is here)

[green-blooded]

So, I want to talk about Bread and Circuses. Or, I want to talk about Spock and McCoy in Bread and Circuses... plus the rest of the first half of the second season, because this episode isn’t actually good aside from the Spock and McCoy moments.

We start with this:

SPOCK: Fascinating. This atmosphere is remarkably similar to your twentieth century. Moderately industrialized pollution containing substantial amounts of carbon monoxide and partially consumed hydrocarbons. MCCOY: The word was smog. SPOCK: Yes, I believe that was the term. I had no idea you were that much of a historian, Doctor. MCCOY: I am not, Mister Spock. I was simply trying to stop you from giving us a whole lecture on the subject. Jim, is there anything at all we know about this planet?

(This post got long--nearly 4000 words???--so here’s a cut to save your dashboard!)

Which is kind of an odd argument for them? McCoy gets on Spock for a lot of things, but not usually for talking too much. In fact, it’s usually the reverse. In Trouble with Tribbles (the previous episode by production order), they have this exchange:

MCCOY: Spock, I don't know too much about these little tribbles yet, but there's one thing that I have discovered. SPOCK: What is that, Doctor? MCCOY: I like them better than I like you. SPOCK: Doctor? MCCOY: Yes? SPOCK: They do have one redeeming characteristic. MCCOY: What's that? SPOCK: They do not talk too much. If you'll excuse me, sir.

Far be it from me to accuse Star Trek of having continuity, but don’t these arguments seem related? In fact, both of these episodes have had particularly heated arguments between Spock and McCoy for no apparent reason in the plot. There are also a few heated exchanges in The Deadly Years (about Spock’s health, and then Kirk’s dementia).

Put a pin in this. Let’s return to Bread and Circuses.

MCCOY: Odd that these people should worship the sun. SPOCK: Why, Doctor? MCCOY: Because, my dear Mister Spock, it is illogical. Rome had no sun worshipers. Why should they parallel Rome in every way except one?

Let’s just ignore the fact that yes Rome did have sun worshipers and that there have been a hell of a lot more than one discrepancy, because if we talk about inaccuracies we’ll be here all day. The point is, they’re both postulating about this odd ‘parallel’ Earth, but McCoy’s interjection seems to annoy Spock for some reason... To the point that he brings it up again later, but in the meantime, they also have this exchange:

SPOCK: Even more fascinating. Slavery evolving into an institution with guaranteed medical payments, old-age pensions. MCCOY: Quite logical, I'd say, Mister Spock. Just as it's logical that twentieth-century Rome would use television to show its gladiator contests or name a new car the Jupiter Eight. SPOCK: Doctor, if I were able to show emotion, your new infatuation with that term would begin to annoy me. MCCOY: What term? Logic? Medical men are trained in logic, Mister Spock. SPOCK: Really, Doctor, I had no idea they were trained. Watching you, I assumed it was trial and error.

Hey guys, remember an episode called Amok Time (only 9 episodes earlier in production order instead of a whole season apart), where McCoy said this:

MCCOY: My orders were to give you a thorough physical. In case you hadn't noticed, I have to answer to the same commanding officer that you do. Come on, Spock. Yield to the logic of the situation.

And it, y'know, worked to convince Spock to listen to him that time. BUT let's also look at I, Mudd where they have one of those curiously heated arguments again:

MCCOY: All right. There's something wrong about a man who never smiles, whose conversation never varies from the routine of the job, and who won't talk about his background. SPOCK: I see. MCCOY: Spock, I mean that it's odd for a non-Vulcan. The ears make all the difference. SPOCK: I find your argument strewn with gaping defects in logic. MCCOY: Maybe, but you can't evaluate a man by logic alone. Besides, he has avoided two appointments that I've made for his physical exam without reason. SPOCK: That's not at all surprising, Doctor. He's probably terrified of your beads and rattles.

(Notice, McCoy realizes he’s offended Spock and immediately tries to fix it, but Spock remains annoyed with him.)

A couple of things here. First, like in Trouble with Tribbles (the next episode), Spock seems actually offended by McCoy. This was almost entirely absent from the first season, and not particularly prevalent in the first few episodes of the second season. There was plenty of banter and teasing before, but Spock seems more sensitive to it in this middle section of the second season. Then, again, McCoy brings up logic. McCoy argues that logic can't be the only means to evaluate a person. Then, Spock insults McCoy's medical skills. AGAIN, this is a newer development that makes it into almost every episode in the middle of the second season, including I, Mudd, Trouble with Tribbles, and Bread and Circuses. All back-to-back episodes in production order! 

So we have some things repeating in their arguments over multiple episodes. McCoy's interpretation of logic, Spock being offended by McCoy's teasing/insults, and Spock insulting McCoy's skill as a doctor. PUT A PIN IN IT. Returning to Bread and Circuses again. 

MERIK: There's been no war here for over four hundred years, Jim. Could, let's say, your land of that same era make that same boast? I think you can see why they don't want to have their stability contaminated by dangerous ideas of other ways and other places. SPOCK: Interesting, and given a conservative empire, quite understandable. MCCOY: Are you out of your head? SPOCK: I said I understood it, Doctor. I find the checks and balances of this civilization quite illuminating. MCCOY: Next he'll be telling us he prefers it over Earth history. SPOCK: They do seem to have escaped the carnage of your first three world wars, Doctor. MCCOY: They have slavery, gladiatorial games, despotism. SPOCK: Situations quite familiar to the six million who died in your first world war, the eleven million who died in your second, the thirty seven million who died in your third. Shall I go on?

I think this is one of the better exchanges that speak to the themes of this episode, which they should’ve elaborated on but instead went the Jesus Saves route... Whatever. The important thing is that this is another example of their philosophical differences AND very similar to an argument they had in The Apple a few episodes ago.

SPOCK: In my view, a splendid example of reciprocity. MCCOY: It would take a computerized Vulcan mind such as yours to make that kind of a statement. SPOCK: Doctor, you insist on applying human standards to non-human cultures. I remind you that humans are only a tiny minority in this galaxy. MCCOY: There are certain absolutes, Mister Spock, and one of them is the right of humanoids to a free and unchained environment, the right to have conditions which permit growth. SPOCK: Another is their right to choose a system which seems to work for them. MCCOY: Jim, you're not just going to stand by and be blinded to what's going on here. These are humanoids, intelligent. They need to advance and grow. Don't you understand what my readings indicate? There's been no progress here in at least ten thousand years. This isn't life. It's stagnation. SPOCK: Doctor, these people are healthy and they are happy. What ever you choose to call it, this system works, despite your emotional reaction to it. MCCOY: It might work for you, Mister Spock, but it doesn't work for me. Humanoids living so they can service a hunk of tin.

It’s super interesting to me that Spock is using relativistic contract theory to judge these cultures while McCoy is just a straight up anarchist, let’s be real. He hates hierarchical structures and authority figures, and believes that they go against human nature. Which you might say is weird for a Starfleet officer, but he also yells at people above his rank constantly and gets really upset in episodes like The Doomsday Machine when Spock refuses to ignore rank. He’s in Starfleet because he wants to help people, but I can’t imagine him staying if his captain weren’t someone he totally trusts. I mean, you could forget that McCoy has any rank at all with the way he carries himself. Meanwhile, Spock is Very, Very strict in his understanding of hierarchy and rank.

This is one of those deep divisions between the two of them. Put a pin in it. Let’s move on to the gladiator fight.

SPOCK: Need any help, Doctor? MCCOY: Whatever gave you that idea? ACHILLES: Fight, you pointed-ear freak! MCCOY: You tell him, buster. Of all the completely ridiculous, illogical questions I ever heard in my life!

The fact that McCoy is not a fighter is really brought out in this episode, and I have a lot to say about it in another post. The main thing here is McCoy bringing up logic again and agreeing with an argument that is, in my opinon, a step beyond something that McCoy would actually say. He makes fun of the ears, but freak is a little far, I think.

And all of this leads to the Big Scene in the prison, which I will break into parts. Part #1:

MCCOY: Angry, Mister Spock, or frustrated, perhaps? SPOCK: Such emotions are foreign to me, Doctor. I'm merely testing the strength of the door. MCCOY: For the fifteenth time...

McCoy is lightly teasing Spock for being more emotional than he lets on, while Spock denies having any emotion at all... this is a pretty typical part of the exchange. What really makes it work is Deforest Kelly's delivery. He says these lines with a degree of affection. He's not yelling, and he's not even using the tone he usually has when teasing Spock. In this moment, you can see that McCoy points out Spock's incongruous moments of emotion because he likes that about him. While it sometimes comes across as a 'gotcha' moment (like at the end of The Galileo Seven), the sheer number of times McCoy mentions Spock's emotions shows more than just a passing amount of interest in them.

Then, McCoy continues:

MCCOY: Spock, I know we've had our disagreements. Maybe they're jokes. I don't know. As Jim says, we're not often sure ourselves sometimes, but what I'm trying to say is-- SPOCK: Doctor, I am seeking a means of escape. Will you please be brief? MCCOY: Well, what I'm trying to say is you saved my life in the arena. SPOCK: Yes, that's quite true. MCCOY: I'm trying to thank you, you pointed-eared hobgoblin!

Before I talk about this, I need to take a moment. I think that McCoy often gets painted at someone with his heart on his sleeve, who feels a lot and expresses all of his feelings. And it's just not true! He's very expressive when it comes to some things, sure. He can yell all day about how much he cares about people in general, but when it comes to expressing how much he cares about an individual? It's pretty damn rare. Look at his words AND his body language in Balance of Terror when he has a vulnerable moment with Kirk.

KIRK: I look around that Bridge, and I see the men waiting for me to make the next move. And Bones, what if I'm wrong? MCCOY: Captain, I-- KIRK: No, I don't really expect an answer. MCCOY: But I've got one. Something I seldom say to a customer, Jim. In this galaxy, there's a mathematical probability of three million Earth-type planets. And in all of the universe, three million million galaxies like this. And in all of that, and perhaps more, only one of each of us. Don't destroy the one named Kirk.

McCoy himself says here that he doesn't usually say this kind of thing, and if you look at the series, that bears out. He does NOT find it easy to tell people he cares about them, and when he does, he does it in this abstract way, barely able to make any eye contact. This is AGAIN why the conflict between Spock and McCoy is NOT logic vs. emotion. McCoy is not fully emotional, and he doesn't find emotion easy to express. I would argue that he has almost as much difficulty expressing his feelings for another person as Spock does. I would also argue that McCoy does not LIKE this about himself, and that is part of why it frustrates him so much when he sees it in Spock. 

 So, when he tries to be vulnerable and thank Spock, first of all, he doesn't just say "Hey, thanks for saving me in the arena." He starts with a lot of waffle, and when Spock interrupts him and insists that he keep it short (again, callback to the arguments in this episode and Trouble with Tribbles about which one of them talks too much), McCoy tries to simply thank him, but gets upset when Spock is still impassive and reverts to his usual way of talking to Spock. One remark from Spock, and McCoy loses his ability to be vulnerable and resorts to a sharp tone and insults. Leading into part three of this conversation: 

SPOCK: Oh, yes. You humans have that emotional need to express gratitude. You're welcome, I believe, is the correct response. However, Doctor, you must remember I am entirely motivated by logic. The loss of our ship's surgeon, whatever I think of his skill, would mean a reduction in the efficiency of the Enterprise and therefore-- MCCOY: Do you know why you're not afraid to die, Spock? You're more afraid of living. Each day you stay alive is just one more day you might slip and let your human half peek out. That's it, isn't it? Insecurity. Why, you wouldn't know what to do with a genuine, warm, decent feeling. SPOCK: Really, Doctor? MCCOY: I know. I'm worried about Jim, too.

The last bit is powerful, and I think generally something people remember more than the rest of the conversation, but I really need to focus on that first exchange first, because there is a LOT going on, and I've been pinning things through this whole overly long post for this moment.

PIN 1: Their arguments have become more heated in the middle portion of season 2.

This is a very clear example of that. McCoy doesn't drop the issue after the insult and Spock insists he wouldn't have saved McCoy if he weren't logically useful to the ship. Ouch.

PIN 2: The repetition in these heated arguments. McCoy's view of logic, Spock getting offended, Spock insulting McCoy's skill as a doctor.

What Spock says here brings up all three of those issues. Spock has been frustrated by McCoy bringing up logic throughout this episode, and now he's shooting back at him with a logical view of why he saved McCoy's life--while still maintaining that he doesn't think McCoy is a good doctor. McCoy's been using logic against him, and now Spock is returning the favor. Spock understands Human interaction better than this! Something as simple as a "thank you" and "your welcome" is everyday for him, not only on the Enterprise but with one of the people who RAISED him. He is exaggerating his own non-Human qualities throughout this conversation to a truly absurd extent, because McCoy has repeatedly offended him for several episodes. However, McCoy seems unaware that his usual teasing has actually gotten under Spock's skin, because he has been surprised, again and again (especially in I, Mudd where he chases after Spock to apologize to him) when Spock actually acts hurt by him.

And then there's McCoy's response.

It's not "damn your Vulcan logic" or ending the conversation. He grabs Spock and forces him to look at him--which Spock has been avoiding throughout the conversation--and tells Spock that he's so afraid to be human that he doesn't fear death, because that would put an end to the fear that his Human side would show.

IF WE ARE ONLY LOOKING AT THIS ONE EPISODE, this doesn't make sense. This didn't build from the conversations in Bread and Circuses, which is why I keep bringing up several different episodes and why I'm insisting on production order.

PIN 3: These two have deep, deep philosophical differences that they are constantly discussing.

As I said in another post, Spock and McCoy have a different standard for morality which causes the two of them to butt heads a whole lot. In the first season, it was pretty much the same argument over and over again (should we risk a larger number of people to save a smaller number of people), but it's been evolving in this season to the discussion of freedom and cultural differences and more.

If these two men did not have any respect for one another, I don't think these arguments would continue. Yes, they work together, but they don't actually need to interact as much as they do, and they are VERY often seeing walking into a scene on the bridge together or walking down a corridor together, etc. It's not just missions. They choose to spend time together.

So, when Spock says he only saved McCoy because he's useful as the ship's surgeon, McCoy doesn't respond to THAT, because 1) he knows he's a good doctor and never seems fazed by Spock insulting him about that and 2) he knows Spock is not being honest with him here.

This is one of the reasons why I think McCoy gets frustrated with Spock because they have a similar difficulty showing how much they care about other people, and they have an especially difficult time showing affection toward one another.

While the ending of Operation: Annihilate! where McCoy tells Kirk not to tell Spock he called him the best first officer in the fleet is memorable, it's hardly the most vulnerable moment for McCoy in that episode. No, it's when he thinks he's blinded Spock because he didn't consider using the non-visible parts of the light spectrum to kill the parasitic aliens. McCoy can't even say for himself the deep guilt he's feeling about harming Spock--he never says that he's blaming himself. It's Kirk who tells him he's not at fault, and McCoy can't even bring himself to respond. If you look at those last lines about Spock being the best first officer in the fleet in context of how devastated McCoy was when he thought he'd blinded Spock permanently, it definitely hits different, right?

And then there are the times in the first season when Spock believes McCoy is badly hurt or dead. In Miri, Shore Leave, and City on the Edge of Forever, Spock has a strong reaction to seeing McCoy injured, but he does not verbalize this obvious emotional reaction at any time.

They don't know how to say that they care about each other, because that's something they both struggle with in general. They also both struggle with being emotionally vulnerable and allowing other people to know them on a deeper level. Spock uses his Vulcan otherness to keep people at a distance, while McCoy uses a the charm offensive of his "bedside manner" as his defense system.

So, McCoy says this thing about Spock not being afraid to die because he's so terrified of his Human side coming out IN DIRECT RESPONSE to Spock being unable to even look at him when McCoy is not only trying to thank him for saving his life but ALSO putting it into the context of how difficult their friendship is and how rarely they show any straight-forward affection for each other. And the most telling thing is, McCoy didn't seem to know for sure that he was right until he sees Spock’s reaction. Look at his expression when Spock turns away from him.

And look at his intensity when he says that Spock wouldn't know what to do with a "genuine warm, decent feeling."

When Spock turns to him and says "Really, Doctor?"

THAT is when McCoy is the one who breaks eye contact and changes the subject to someone that they both feel affection for, but who isn't in the room to hear it. I understand that there are other readings of this moment, and that's fine, but... I don't think this has to do with Kirk specifically. For one thing, it never comes up in the episode when they are reunited with Kirk, and for another Kirk is in the least danger out of the three of them. Instead, this moment is about how both of them struggle so deeply with showing affection when someone's right there in front of them.

By the end of the episode, we can see the two of them spending time together again, apparently by choice, and seeming very comfortable with each other... and the next episode is Journey to Babel, in which they are very friendly again with The Immunity Syndrome only four episodes after that, and the episodes in between showing them with much less contentious banter again.

Dare I say it, but I think this is a legitimate arc! And it's a shame that most people see the episodes in broadcast order, because it makes their relationship much more incoherent and makes this little escalation of frustration with each other more random and may make it seem like they genuinely dislike each other.

Anyway... this was. Not supposed to be such a long post, but I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about these two, and I can't help myself sometimes.

[senlinyu]

Hi! As thousands before me, I was also completely annihilated by your wonderful story Manacled which I read in the last 48 hours and can't think about anything else now. I'm not really a Dramione shipper but I found your portrayal of the complex romance, characters' psychology and war utterly gutwrenching and engaging, I sobbed my way through multiple chapters and sections. I didn't find the answers on your blog, so forgive me if this has been asked before but did you cry while writing it (cont)

(cont) and what parts were most emotional for you to bring to life? Also, I admire your extensive research of magic and how you expanded JK Rowling's universe. I found the combat training and especially the healing scenes very believable and detailed, including the sensitive amputation scene. Are you a medical professional or did you just do a lot of research Thank you again for writing something so vivid and visceral, it will stay with me for a while!

I had a few different parts that were really emotional to write. Particularly the scene when Hermione is pregnant and she begs Draco not to let Astoria hurt the baby once Hermione’s been killed. As a mother with very young children, writing that part really hit me in the gut, because children are so vulnerable and the idea of being completely incapable of protecting them terrifies me. And then writing the chapter where Hermione and Draco are meeting repeatedly in the hotels and all his defensiveness slowly disappears as Hermione begins to understand how vulnerable he is regarding her, and how incredibly broken he is by what happened to Narcissa, I was pretty emotionally wrecked writing that.

I’ve done some combat training and I’m a bit of a medical hobbiest, especially studying field medicine in my teens. But I did a lot of research and read a lot of articles and medical reports on injuries in order to write them appropriately, and got in contact with a couple of medical professionals who are in fandom who were willing to consult and answer my questions. So I chatted with some doctors and medical school students who were willing to send me in the right direction about what types of techniques I should be researching particularly for the amputation. And my beta @notanadult aka Jamethiel, has family background in the medical field as well, so she’s a well of general knowledge. But I watched more videos detailing and demonstrating amputation technique than I ever wish to rewatch. 😆

[ultralazycreatorfan]

Kotlc Actor/Actress Au... Heacaons...... Part 2.... yeah

- Stina Heck’s actress is really sweet but is also such a meme.

- She makes so many facial expressions.  You could honestly watch her all day and she probably wouldn’t make the exact same one twice.

- She’s also best friends with Dex’s actor.

- They get teased a lot for being ‘a thing’ but they constantly deny it with the “we’re just friends!!” line.

- The both of them have a lot of fun filming their fight scenes because they get really into it.

- Marella’s actress (much like Stina’s) will laugh at nearly everything, but she will also speak up if need be.

- You don’t get away with any sort of shit in her presence.

- Also she’s such a mom friend.  Her arms are always open and welcoming, however, again, do not be a dumbass.

- Oh and also she owns a pet snake.  It’s name is Lil’ Lushberry J. Doofinsmurts Jr. lll. (Lushberry for short)

- Lord Cassius’ actor makes too many dad jokes.

- He’s also oddly serious and it’s a weird mix, but it suits him.

- Alvar’s actor is kind of the same way, but with more seriousness.  One could say he’s more professional than everyone.

- Well... that is until it’s time for the interviews.  The audience (even though he’s a really nice guy) boos him because he plays the Bastard(TM)

- During those he’ll start fake crying and hiding or he’ll go full on Alvar Vacker Mode.

- Once Umber’s actress, while they were waiting for the first fight scene in Flashback to be called to action, started doing the whip and nae nae.

- Honestly, it was iconic and nobody can deny it.

- Kesler’s actor is Dex’s actor’s real dad and he also has a Irish accent.

- He and Juline’s actress are good friends from multiple other movies they’ve done together (hilariously they also normally play a couple).

- The triplets are all insane and related in real life.

- I mean, they don’t really even act.

- They just be themselves and it works perfectly.

- Somehow they hold the most bloopers of the background characters though.

- Jensi’s actor is missing out on a ton for pretty much the same reason’s as Dex’s actor - medical stuff.

- He’s an absolute sweetheart and is super quiet and pure and everyone loves him to pieces.

- Once he sent a photo of him with an NG tube in his nose, pretending like it was snot.  He was also ‘freaking out’ about it and even after 11 months everyone still sends photos of random things coming out of their nose pretending it’s snot and making a huge deal about it.

- He uses the platform he has to spread awareness about diseases/sicknesses/lots of health things that aren’t normally spoken about.

- He also breaks a ton of stereotypes and shows that it’s not weird to have certain medical needs and what not.

- Goal squad on set and off set: Keefe’s actor, Dex’s actor, Stina’s actress, Jensi’s actor, and Marella’s actress.

- They complain (mostly through a group chat) about their characters (who they call their “poor precious babies”) not getting enough screen time while Keefe’s actor, who is very much dating Tam’s actor, complains about having to be love sick over a girl - his good friend nonetheless.

- Of course they are all joking, but are they really?

- “YOU EMO SALT BUCKET” is an inside joke.

- Also, “O m GEE, Becky do the ma t h.”

- There is a video of Tam’s actor getting pushed around in one of those fancy hotel things that carry your luggage while looking very much dead and straight faced while Keefe’s actor pushes him around directing the camera to their room like one of the fancy hotel staff.

- “Ma’am, are you sure this is your luggage?  Well, alright then.  Right this way please.”

- Councilor Emery’s actor acts just like Councilor Emery with less authority....

- Bronte’s actor meanwhile is - yes, a grumpy middle aged man - but also such a pure and chill dude.

- Like, you’re intimidated at first, but then you get to know him and he just has a great personality.

- Alden’s actor is one of the many dads on set.

- But he’s the homework-helping dad primarily.  Also the “no reason to worry” dad.

- Yes, he has unironically adopted that saying.

- Della’s actress is a meme however only on the occasion.

- Either it’s professional (71% of the time) or meme (30% of the time).

- Yes you read that correctly.  Her words, not mine.

- She’s kind of like that way too relaxed and chill mom who almost acts more like a really cool aunt.

- Expensive queen, but doesn’t brag about it.

- Edaline’s actress is married to Grady’s actor in real life and it’s so wholesome.

- They really are parents and have a little toddler.  Her name is Ella.

- Grady’s actor can and has brake danced.

- Edaline’s actress bakes everyone cookies but also is like the adult version of Marella’s actress...

- WE STAN JOLIE’S ACTRESS IN THIS HOUSEHOLD.

- Has played the Titanic theme on the kazoo.  Has also played the Titanic theme on the violin.

- Also I’m sorry, but I can only imagine her with @silveny-dreams personality mixed with a bit of Joana Ceddia plus Bob Ross vibes.

- She bought everyone kazoos and Shannon was and wasn’t happy.

- Jolie’s actress is also a painter fight me.

- Fintan’s actor is actually just a really soft guy until the camera turns on.

- Then he is Fintan himself.

- Kenric’s actor is actually Kenric.  At all times.

- It’s kind of like the triplets - how there’s really no acting because it’s just his personality.

- Everyone loves him.

- It’s the same with Oralie’s actress only she hates the color pink...

- Yeah, she was not happy with Oralie’s house.

- It was too bright for her.

- But other than that she’s just this quiet, sort of shy, sweet thing that loves to feast upon cookies when Edaline’s actress brings them.

- Mr. Forkle’s actor is like a grumpy Santa Claus.

- It’s kind of really funny but also not.

- Everyone calls him Forkman.

I’m so sorry if this was a mess.

[john-cardoza]

Let’s talk about the prom!

As most of you know today the prom will close after 23 previews and 310 regular performances. They will have run for under a year after 4+ years of preparation. 

I personally found out about the prom in late 2017 when they were in between their run at the Alliance theater in Atlanta and opening on broadway. I fell in love, found what little content existed, followed their instagram account, and forgot about the show until things started being announced for broadway. 

A little background. I am a lesbian, I am also in high school, I’m lucky enough to live in a bigish city where gay people are common and relatively accepted in everyday life. When I first found out about the prom I did not know my sexuality, and it was causing me stress mostly due to the belief in our society that you should know exactly who you are when you are still young. Getting to see a musical that was centered around two teenage lesbian characters was so important, and helped me down the road of finding out who I was. Not only that getting to see a musical that normalized having multiple gay/lesbian characters and featuring multiple women in important roles with good character arcs? Even better.

When a broadway show opens they tend to do multiple performances on many different media sources to raise publicity. The first performance that prom did was at the Macy’s thanksgiving parade where they made history by having the first same-sex kiss in the parade’s history, not only that the performance was televised nationally, it is a program that is mostly watched by families and children. Who knows how many children who live in conservative homes got to see their first kiss between two women in a pure, prom like scenario when through their lives they have only been told that homosexual people are ‘wrong’. I can only hope that girls who are attracted to girls got to see an example of their sexuality being valid and that it will help them come to terms with it when they get older. The prom had many other performances on different television shows and such, and in all of them they went to lengths to show good lesbian representation while still advertising their show.

When it comes to the tony awards the prom had the honor of being nominated for seven different awards, one of which was best musical. Because of the number of awards they got they were also given the option to perform at the tony awards. It is not an overstatement to say that I cried when I saw their tony awards performance. It was yet another example of lesbian representation in theater which is something that is relatively uncommon. I do have opinions on the fact that they didn’t take home any of the tony awards that they were nominated for, but I will avoid sharing that here as I don’t want to talk about things the prom didn’t do. (I will mention that they won the drama desk award for best musical)

The two leads of the show who play Emma and her girlfriend Alyssa are Caitlin Kinnunen and Izzy McCalla. Caitlin Kinnunen who has been playing Emma since the first workshop for the show four years ago is my hero. There is probably another way I could phrase that, but I think that hero is accurate. It is rare to see an actress in a broadway production who is as open about their non-hetero sexuality as Kinnunen has been. A couple of months into the broadway run Kinnunen went to an interview where she talked about how she had recently started to realize her own sexuality thanks to in part, her role in The Prom. She also felt comfortable enough to share that she had just recently started dating a woman for the first time. Since then she has come out as bisexual, which I would consider a huge step forward as there are still many queer roles that are being played by heterosexual, cisgender people. Not only on broadway, but also in movies and television. Kinnunen is also very open about her own mental health issues. She has never shied away from talking about her anxiety and how it affects her day to day life as a broadway actor, like the fact that she usually cannot stagedoor and that she occasionally has to call out of shows to deal with her mental health. As a teenager with anxiety who has an interest in going into theater as a career (though I am more interested in the technical side), it’s inspirational to see someone as successful as Kinnunen be that open about her sexuality. The other lead who was mentioned above; Izzy McCalla, is also someone I look up to. A few weeks ago she went on a popular podcast titled “Thank you for coming out” there she talked about her struggles with her sexuality, due to the fact that she had never been in a real relationship with a woman. As of recently she has also come out as bisexual.

I was lucky enough to see the prom last month. I scheduled the trip when they announced closing, knowing that I would regret it if I never got to see the show live on broadway. Needless to say the show was amazing, but more specifically I was amazed by how good the show was quality wise. Right away it pulls you in, something that I feel many broadway shows struggle with, by the end of the first scene I felt completely invested in the plot and the characters. Not only that, but you stay invested, I find it hard to believe anyone could leave at intermission after the heartbreaking scene that closes out act one. Finally, near the end of act two there is a song called unruly heart that made me cry. It starts with Emma sitting alone on her bed with her computer and guitar, creating a song about her experiences with the prom. Near the end of the song ensemble members dressed in pajamas enter the stage behind her, representing the comments on the video. Something about that scene just hit me, it was amazing to hear people on stage voicing things that I have though in regards to my sexuality. I know that wasn’t the most eloquent explanation, but that is the only way I can think to put it.

Of the primary leads in the prom, three of the four of them are women. Of the secondary leads two of the four of them are women. Not only that but all of the women are fully fleshed out characters with emotions, and character arcs. It would be so easy to make Mrs. Greene nothing but a villain and a terrible person, but at the end of the show it is implied that she may be able to fix things with her daughter and become more accepting. Dee Dee Allen, the egotistical broadway star who starts the show as nothing but a narcissistic, selfish, asshole is also given the chance to learn from her mistakes, by the end of the show she is willing to make a huge sacrifice in order to help Emma. Having multiple female characters who all have flaws and make mistakes like a normal person is huge, especially on a broadway stage where many shows are reduced to “multiple men and a love interest”.

Lastly there are many amazing examples of representation that don’t necessarily apply to me so I won’t go super in depth about them. For one Izzy McCalla is Haitian and multiple actresses who understudy Emma and Alyssa are also not-white. Caitlin Kinnunen has diabetes and has been open about that, even wearing her medical bracelet during the tony performance.Overall the show has a lot of diversity among the ensemble actors which is uncommon in many shows. I will absolutely not say that it is perfect, but it is still amazing when compared to the more white shows.

Honestly I don’t know exactly what my intention is with making this post, but I can’t stand to let this beautiful show disappear without talking about it. I guess these are all my reasons as for why the prom shouldn’t be closing this early. Either way I will always love this show, and I hope that other people will too. Also make sure to go see the tour if you are able!

[sparda3g]

Kimetsu no Yaiba Chapter 191 Review

There are times where the story gives you a sign that everything will be okay. There are also times where the story tricks you to believe it so, only to face a harsh reality. That’s this series. If you bought in the chances for Demon Slayer to win without a worry, let alone some, this chapter will lead you to a brick wall. However, the other side of the wall lies a promising hope.

Based on the chapter’s cover, it leads me to believe we will return to Tanjiro and sure enough, it’s true. However, the journey into the memory is over; disappointing on a selfish term. Perhaps we will get some from a flashback, which is funny to get a flashback on a flashback. Anyway, Yushiro is already there, treating Tanjiro. I hope he gets to Kanroji soon after. The major problem is, it’s been too long already.

It’s a miracle enough for Tanjiro to stay alive this long, but the recent impression is, he may be in coma forever. The crazy part about it, he’s holding his sword very tight. Murata can’t even remove his fingers. That’s downright dedication to fight until the battle is won. Regardless, he wouldn’t wake up, so it wouldn’t sadly matter.

I like how helpful Murata has been without the need to swing a sword. In this case, his role is a boy who cries for a savior for the world will end if no one saves it. The tension raises with Tanjiro’s pulse fading. The scene reminds me of a film where a character appeared to be dead, but after a couple of cries, he rises. That’s exactly what happens here after reminding him the mission: kill Muzan before he escapes. I got goosebumps when he finally wakes up, and it will return later.

I assume it’s Goto of Kakushi is hiding behind a building, witnessing the end of Muzan; if one can dream. Sanemi picks up a tag and start seeing the younglings. Hilariously, Inosuke wishes to turn his sword red; making sure he’s the pinnacle. You have to be strong as him to make it happen. How Kanao and Zenitsu keep up with him is a feat itself. At least it gives Sanemi a new trick to pull. Got to love that smile.

Himejima starts to see the Transparent World to figure out Muzan’s weak points. It turns out he has multiple hearts and brains on the back. That’s plain nasty. It’s noted before, but only to Yorichi. It’s meaningful for Pillars to know, so their strategy can alter. It will help them to survive longer. To make matter better, it gives Himejima an idea.

He tells everyone to look closely at Muzan and look through him. Obanai does so and notices the vision has changed. Once again, this evaluates their chances to survive and win. I should note that I’m a little bummed that we didn’t see teamwork between Sanemi and Giyu. But at least these developments leave plenty of new chances to stall time until dawn. All of it left me feeling a bit at ease unless something occurs. Well, something occurs.

Muzan without a flinch goes for a barrage attack that targeted everything in its perimeter. Goto was luckily covered; leaving to only Pillars to worry about. One glance and there’s no Pillars at sight. Few series led me to believe there’s hope and there may be downfall, but eventually, overcome the odds. Some even led me to believe the fall will be slow and frightening. This didn’t do either. Instead, it quickly turn the tide to major disaster. Every single one is defeated.

It’s been since Tokyo Ghoul, where it lied to me for believing hope, only to quickly kill it. Not exactly the same speed; only lasted two pages. Regardless, it’s quite devastating. Himejima lost his leg; Sanemi got knocked to the second floor building; Obanai looks awfully wounded; Giyu lost an arm; even Inosuke and Zenitsu were soundly defeated. Only Kanao remain in the field and honestly, that’s the worst position to be in.

I know this is going to sound incredibly disgraceful, but I hope those guys stay down. Part of me hope they don’t get involved anymore. All they have to do is pray and get treated by medics. Of course, it depends on how severe their wounds are; some could die from injuries alone. The fact is, they all deserved to live on. It’s hard to say for Himejima, considering the Mark’s curse. All I hope is for them to live. Is it really hard to ask?

Kanao is confronted with Muzan; not exactly the moment that I was hoping for. She can’t move due to fear, but she has to live and free the kids from despair. She will go out with a fight. I have to appreciate background or fodder characters for going out their way to do whatever it takes to win. Case in point, Goto goes out of his way to try to save Kanao. It’s a small detail I appreciate. By this point, it’s the best time to call for the worthy man to save her, and it couldn’t be any more suited than Tanjiro.

Tanjiro has entered the stage. Coming back with Hinokami Kagura to save Kanao, who wouldn’t fall for the guy? A welcomed pairing moment to boot up the greatness. What’s even better is his current design. He may have that bizarre tumor-esque on his right-eye, but the clear rage with flowing hair gives me goosebumps. His appearance gives Muzan an ugly feeling; bitter reminder of Yorichi. It’s now Tanjiro versus Muzan, and I can’t wait.

This was a great chapter with the twists and turns from this small yet huge warfare. The hopes and dreams were killed almost instantly, but they returned when Tanjiro re-enter the field. Quite clever to leave the ground to Tanjiro with all Pillars injured, instead of forcing everyone to standby. It’s hard to say if they will stand down; anything is possible. Nezuko is expected to arrive soon, so it’s only going to get incredibly intense. I don’t know how this will all go down, but the hype is clouding my thoughts. Let’s get this started.

[commander-rahrah]

RESIDENCY (AN OPEN HEART FIC): PART ELEVEN

Pairing: MC (Jordynne Holland) X Ethan Ramsey X Bryce Lahela; MC X Bryce; MC X Ethan

Masterlist: Click Here

Chapter Rating: M (Swearing, Kissing, I don’t know Ethan wants to do her but is stupid, Angst) (I’m terrible at this.)

Word Count: 6800+

Description: Ethan invites Jordynne to join him at the National Medical Symposium in Miami for two days. Two days — him and Jordynne; no hospital, no secret cases, no patients… 

Disclaimer: Characters, storyline, and parts of the dialogue are taken from Pixelberry’s Choices. They fully own the characters, dialogue, backgrounds, etc. MC Jordynne’s background is my own creation, based loosely off of MC in-game’s personality and provided with more details.

Author’s Note: I finally made it. MIAMI. The kissing scene. OK, so I love PB but I hate when they just cut to a black screen after some scenes. Like Ethan stalks out of the room after a mega hot make-out session and they just cut to MC being back in the hospital the next day? Nah nah nah. So I have also written in some scenes to build up to the kiss more and then what happens post-kiss Ethan ripping out MC’s/my heart (: (: (: (: (: 

As always, all likes, reblogs, comments, reviews, messages are very very appreciated!! If you would like to be tagged in future updates please reply on here or DM. 

Also, the “Ward Ring” is something I do in real life, and it just killed my boyfriend when we started dating. He thought it was super funny and cute. I mean it’s terrible that people feel they need to do that sort of thing to not get hit on but yeah. Anyways, it’s defs something that my MC Jordynne has learned to do. 

ALSO, if you would like to fangirl and be super extra about Open Heart, Ethan, Bryce, Choices -- literally anything. I’m here.  

Taglist: @drakewalkerfantasy​ @owleyes374​ @professorortegasstudent​ @mindlessdreaminxo @mayar-mahdy @paisleylovergirl @nicquix @emilymay100 @octobereighth @jenp02cutie-blog @llamasgrl @timmagicktoad @lilyofchoices @msjpuddleduck @mfackenthal

Previous Updates: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight Part Nine Part Ten

PART ELEVEN

The past few weeks had flown by — filled with late-night research sessions, multiple trips to get Jordynne espresso romano’s from the nearby cafe, shared sandwiches during lunch hours in Naveen’s room. He had never gone through as many bags of coffee beans in his office than he had in those past weeks. Ethan hadn’t even slept on the couch in his office, he was going home to Jenner almost every night. Things were different, things were good for once.

They didn’t spend all their time together — it’s not like every waking moment was spent with her. But that was about to change for the next 48 hours.

Ethan was sitting next to her in first class on their flight headed to the National Medical Symposium in Miami for two days. Two days — him and Jordynne; no hospital, no secret cases, no patients…

“Compliments of the crew, Dr. and Mrs. Ramsey.” A polite flight attendant spoke, placing down two cups of steaming hot coffee with a smile.

Jordynne stirred in her leather seat next to him, looking over to her, “Oh thank you, but I’m not his—“

At the same time, Ethan spoke, “She’s a doctor too, actually.”

“Oh! My apologies, Doctor.” She smiled at Jordynne, “Well if you need anything else let us know.” The flight attendant moved down the aisle, leaving the pair alone again.

“You know she called me your wife right?” Jordynne asked, grabbing onto the cup that he was holding out for her.

“I, uh—“ Ethan stammered, feeling the tops of his ears go red, “She did?”

She gave him a coy smile before taking a sip of the coffee. It wasn’t the best coffee they had ever had — but it was better than the hospital cafeterias. The pair exchanged a look of mild acceptance as they took their sips.

Jordynne returned to her iPad — finishing an article Ethan had recommended to her. The seats in first class were wide enough for her to cross her legs, her elbow on her knee as she hunched forward reading. Her leg was warm-up against his, her long hair brushing up against his arm giving him goosebumps.

He could just watch her reading. The way she chewed her lip as she thought, the way the light from the window made her blonde hair almost look white. He needed a distraction — already, he was only a couple hours into this trip with her. Finding his leather bag on the floor next to him, he dug through it, finding his glasses and his novel The Lives of a Cell. Thumbing through the pages, he tried to find where he last left off and blinked as his eyes adjusted to his glasses. He noticed Jordynne shift beside him, looking up at him.

A sheepish smile spread across her face as he caught her staring. He furrowed his thick brows, “Yes, Rookie?”

“Nothing,” She said, shaking her head, the smile remaining.

His blue eyes squinted at her, putting his book down. He didn’t believe her.

“I just like your glasses,” She shrugged, her cheeks turning pink.

Ethan hit her with his knee, rolling his eyes. “Read your article, Jordynne.” Bringing his book back up to his face, he used it to hide the small smile spreading across his face.

_______________________________________________________________________

Letting the water run over him, Ethan turned it up a little hotter once more. It was turning his skin red now, from the heat and his incessant scrubbing. He was mad at himself. This was getting complicated now — too complicated.

Declan had figured out his plan too quickly, and now he needed to figure out another approach. And the hotel had booked their room wrong. How he was going to handle sharing a room with Jordynne, he had no idea.

Snapping his eyes open, he heard Jordynne call out to him from the bedroom through the crack he had left in the door so they could still talk.

“Why didn’t you tell me there was a reception?!”

He turned off the water, standing there dripping in the shower for a moment. “Because it was the furthest possible thing from my mind at the time.” He said truthfully. He had been focused on how to play Declan to get the treatment, and not thinking about her.

He heard her let out an exasperated sigh, “But it’s a casino theme! I have to look nice!”

Ethan stepped out of the shower, grabbing onto the white fluffy towel hanging off of the wall and wrapped it around his lower torso. Water still glistening off of him, he stepped towards the mirror — rummaging through his toiletry bag.

Movement caught his eye in the mirror, and he looked up to catch Jordynne’s eyes — staring at him through the reflection and crack in the door. Her eyes raked his naked torso before her face reddened and she turned back around to dig through her suitcase.

Ethan gulped, stepping back out of her line of sight. “Just throw on whatever you brought with you.” Grabbing onto the towel he angrily dried himself off, turning his skin red again. Not until he had stepped back into his briefs and trousers, did he go back towards the mirror where she could see.

She still had her back turned to him, but she was changing now. She was stepping into a dress — shimmying it past her hips. He stared at her naked back — admiring the curve of her waist, how soft her tan skin looked, her blonde hair draped over her shoulder out of the way.

Feeling his stomach tightening in want, he averted his eyes looking down at the marble countertops in the bathroom. Fumbling with the products nervously, Ethan put on some lotion and cologne before tousling his wet hair with a towel. Feeling much more presentable in his trousers now, he stepped back into the room still toying with his hair when he stopped in his tracks.

“Oh,” He sputtered, his blue eyes trailing over Jordynne’s body. She was wearing a silky navy dress, that hugged her curves perfectly. It had a deep V that showed just enough cleavage to make his imagination start running wild, and a simple pendant rested on her collarbone. Her usual wild wavy hair was sleek straight, hanging over one shoulder like a curtain. “You, uh, you found something.”

She put a hand on her hip, popping it out and smirked, “I always come prepared.”

“Lucky for me.” Realizing what he said, he cleared his throat, embarrassed. “I mean, lucky for you. You look… very…appropriate.” He tried to fight the blush creeping on his cheeks.

Letting out a laugh, she turned back to her suitcase, “Appropriate? What did I say about compliments, Ethan?”

He rolled his eyes at her, before padding over to the wardrobe. “Give me a moment to get dressed.” They stood on opposite sides of the room for a moment, both of them finishing getting ready. Ethan was grateful to have some distance between them — even if it was just a bed.  

Grabbing onto his suit jacket, he turned around to face her. “There.”

Jordynne’s pink lips spread into a smile as she took him in. They stood for a moment, in front of the large mirror on the wall, standing shoulder to shoulder.  Ethan’s breath hitched for a moment — taking in the image of them side by side, dressed to the nines. They looked like a real couple. In another lifetime, in another universe maybe they could be.

He cleared his throat, “I would say we look ready, wouldn’t you?”

“Absolutely.” She grinned, moving her hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

A glimmer caught his eye, and he felt his stomach twist. “What the hell is that, Rookie?” He pointed at the sparkly ring sitting on her left hand.

“Oh!” She let out a laugh, “My ward. It helps keep unwanted attention away at these kinds of things.”

Ethan furrowed his thick brows, “You’re not looking for any attention here? That’s the reason half of these people are here.”

Jordynne shrugged, a blush creeping onto her cheeks. “I have my eyes on someone else anyway.” Grabbing onto the keycard on the entry table, she tucked it into Ethan’s breast pocket and gave it a pat before turning on her heel and heading into the hall.

He watched her leave for a moment, his mind wheeling at who she was keeping an eye on. Gulping, he followed her out into the hall and shut the door.

______________________________________________________________________

Ethan could still feel where the slimy bastard Declan had grabbed onto his shoulder, rubbing in his victory. Vitamin C, hydrocortisone, and thiamine. He repeated it to himself over and over — drilling into his mind.

He was standing alone near the edge of the pool, nursing a glass of scotch. The lights in the pool causing the water to turn bright blue. He stared down into it, watching the ripples.

It was risky what he did. Too risky. Everything was on the line, and he put it all down to how he had read Declan. He had been wrong before, and he wasn’t as observant as he used to be, not as confident either.

He straightened up at the sound of steps approaching him. A waiter came towards him, a polite smile on his face. “Sir, here is the wine that you wanted to try.” He had two glasses in his hand, and he held one out for Ethan to try.

“Oh, thank you,” He grabbed onto the glass, swirling around the red wine before taking a sip. He nodded appreciatively, giving the waiter a nod. “I like it. Good recommendation.”

“Thank you, sir. Should I send up a bottle to your room for you and your wife?”

It was an innocent question, but Ethan felt his stomach twist again. It kept coming up — it was the logical deduction. But it was like a punch to the gut each time. Just another reminder. Ethan found Jordynne — standing on the opposite side of the pool, in a conversation with a couple of guys. His eyebrows furrowed at the sight — her ward wasn’t working as well as she wanted it too.

“Sure, thank you,” Ethan said politely, taking the other glass from the waiter. Maneuvering through the crowd and the edge of the pool, he found his way over to her.

Her eyes lit up as he approached, and she let out a sigh of relief. “Dr. Ramsey, hi!”

“This is for you,” He handed her the wine, which she took gratefully. “Boys,” He nodded sternly at the two guys standing in front of Jordynne.

“Oh, uh Dr. Ramsey! Nice to meet you.” They stammered, looking confused as Ethan wrapped his arm protectively around Jordynne’s shoulders.

“If you’ll excuse us,” He grimaced, pulling her away with him.

“Thank you,” She mouthed to him, before taking a big swig of wine. “I thought they would never leave me alone.”

When they reached a quiet corner alone, he realized he still had his arm wrapped around her and he quickly let go.  “Like I said, conference from hell.” He looked around them — more and more of the doctors were starting to get tipsy now — shouting and dancing everywhere. “Want to go somewhere else?”

“Yes, please.” She said through another sip of her wine. The pair walked shoulder to shoulder through the party, leaving through a pool gate and out onto a pathway leading to the beach. The walked in silence, before heading off of the stone path and into the sand.

As their shoes started sinking in the sand, the two let out a laugh. “Maybe not the best idea.” Ethan bent down, balancing his wine glass as he scooped up his shoes that he kicked off.

He let out a chuckle as Jordynne struggled with her shoes, not able to fully bend down in her dress. “This dress isn’t as practical as my scrubs.” She joked.

Putting down his shoes, he bent over and moved the long fabric of her dress aside, revealing her tan legs. His fingers grabbed onto each of her ankles gently as he unbuckled the skinny straps of her heels. He tried to hide his gulp as his fingers brushed her soft skin. Standing up, he grabbed their shoes and tucked them away safely before returning to where Jordynne was waiting for him.

“Thank you,” She said quietly, chewing her lip.

The pair walked in silence for a moment, enjoying the feeling of the soft sand on their feet and the sound of the waves. The sounds of the party was a little more distant now. They paused in front of the water, both of them looking out pensively as the tops of their feet got slightly wet.

Taking a step back, Ethan shrugged off his jacket and placed it on the sand for them to sit on. It wasn’t a very big space, and Jordynne ended up closer than their usual shoulder to shoulder. He took a shaky sip of his wine, as she rested her head on his strong shoulder. This was fine. It was just a long day. Two colleagues, resting. On a beach. With wine.

They sat like that for who knows how long, sitting and listening to the waves. Jordynne’s voice broke the silence. 

“Ethan, can I ask you something?” Her voice was soft. She didn’t stir from his shoulder, still resting her head on it — staring out at the water.

“Mhmm,” He agreed, having another sip of his wine.

“Why are you letting me help with Naveen?”

His dark eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“I know, I poked my nose into it and stumbled onto it. But that doesn’t mean you wanted me to help. But bringing me to this conference, and with Dolores… I don’t know. There are lots of smart interns.”

“I’ve already told you that you aren’t like the other interns.” He didn’t miss a beat.

“But why? Why do you say that?” She twisted around to face him, “I just… I find it incredibly hard to imagine what you think about me.”

“You want to know what I think of you?” He raised his eyebrow, unsure of how he could answer that question. “You — you are,” He looked at her wide green eyes, gazing at him, waiting. “Very intelligent. And trustworthy. Stubborn as hell.” She let out a laugh at that. “You’re very… patient.”

She scrunched her nose up at him, “Really? You think I’m patient?”

Ethan couldn’t help the warm chuckle that escaped him, “You stick it out with a grumpy old man like me every day. You’d have to be.”

“Hey, you’re not old.” She punched his arm lightly. “Grumpy? Yes.” Taking another sip of her wine, she continued, “I just wonder how I got here, you know? When I thought about my residency… I could have never imagined this.”

“Getting paid to sit on a beach?” He smirked.

“That. And…,” Her eyes glanced down, betraying her for a moment. She looked up at Ethan, chewing her lip nervously, “I just couldn’t have planned any of this happening.”

Ethan’s blue eyes raked her face, trying to read it. He couldn’t get a read on what she was feeling, why she was asking these questions. Before he could say anything else, she went to take another sip of her wine and realized it was empty.

“There’s more in the room.” He offered, gesturing to her empty glass. “They sent up a bottle for us. Anything for Dr. and Mrs. Ramsey apparently.” He said, shaking his head.

A sly smile spread across Jordynne’s face, “It’s Doctor, actually.”

_______________________________________________________________________

The pair sat on the hotel room’s balcony, chairs pulled side by side. The aforementioned bottle of wine sat in between them — half empty by now. Jordynne was still in her dress, but her shoes remained off from their stop at the beach. Her hair was starting to wave from the wind and humidity. Ethan’s jacket was hanging inside, dirty with sand. His bowtie was hanging loose around his neck.

They could hear the crash of waves from the ocean, the moonlight reflecting off of the water’s surface. They were sitting in comfortable silence, admiring the view when Ethan finally spoke up again.

“Naveen always hoped we’d find a way to make the diagnostics team publicly funded… So that no one would need to pay, no matter their insurance or income.”

Jordynne played with her hair nervously, “What will he think of getting Panacea Labs involved?”

He let out a humorless laugh, “He’ll give me the worst chewing out of my life. And I’ll deserve it. I’ve compromised his vision, my ethics…,” Ethan shook his head, “But if he survives this… it’ll all have been worth it.”

Her big green eyes met his, “Do you really believe that?”

“I don’t know. Ten years ago, I was right where you are. A wide-eyed intern, dreaming of what I’d do when I was an attending. I certainly wasn’t dreaming this. But things change. People change.” Ethan stared out to the ocean, watching the waves roll into the sand. “What about you? What kind of doctor do you see yourself being in ten years?”

She chewed on her nail for a moment, “The kind of doctor who could make a difference in patient care.”

He let out a laugh, “More than you do now?”

She shrugged her bare shoulders at him, her voice quiet, “I’m only an intern… I do barely anything now.”

He shook his head in disagreement, “Not true. I’ve seen how hard you work for your patients. Even if they don’t always value it, you do make a difference.”

“But not enough. I helped one uninsured patient receive care, but I can’t find loopholes for everyone.” He watched her chew the inside of her lip, thinking, “The entire system needs to be changed. And I want to be part of it.”

“And I have no doubt you’ll find a way.” He didn’t miss a beat.

She let out a sigh, “It just seems like… the higher I aspire, the more I stand to lose.”

“I — certainly understand that.” Standing up, Ethan moved to the railing, leaning his elbows on it. He clutched his wine glass in both hands, moving his eyes back to the water. “What you saw tonight, that’s not me. I don’t gamble… on anything. I don’t take chances.” Breathing in deep, he continued, “Medicine is an assembly of facts leading to a conclusion. Once you know the rules and understand the diseases you’re working with, the risk should be minimal. Your decisions are informed, and you choose the safest path. But that card game… I’ve never done anything like that before.”

Jordynne got out of her seat, joining him at the railing. She leaned her hip against, facing his side. “I don’t know. It seemed like a pretty well-informed decision to me.”

“Risking Naveen’s treatment on a game? Having to hope I’d judged Declan’s character well enough to risk losing instead of using a winning hand?” He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowing. “There were too many variables. I could have lost everything!”

She grabbed onto his wrist, comforting him, “But you were right. Your risk paid off.”

His blue eyes lingered on her fingers wrapped around his wrist, “It did… and I’m beginning to realize,” He hesitated for a moment, thinking about the chocolate bars she had gifted him, still in the wrappers buried in his desk. You know, it’s okay to treat yourself sometimes. He turned his neck to look up at her. She was radiant in the moonlight — her blonde hair glowing, her skin a little flushed from the wine, her dress cutting into a perfect V. “There are some things that are worth any risk.”

They locked eyes for a moment — their pupils flickered back and forth, studying each other’s faces for a moment. Jordynne reached out tentatively, her soft fingers touching his stubbled cheek.

He blinked at her touch, not really believing it was happening, “Jordynne, I…”

She licked her pink lips shiny, “I know.”

Ethan leaned into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment. It felt good. No, it felt amazing. Just a simple touch, her cool fingers on his hot cheek. It would be so easy, just to reach out and do the same. He felt his heart starting to climb his throat. The pounding was filling his ears, and his face felt hot. For once, don’t be afraid. Just do it.

His blue eyes snapped open, and he looped a strong arm around her waist, pulling her into him. Without thinking anymore, Ethan crashed his lips onto hers. He heard her take a sharp breath in as he kissed her. She tasted like the wine, and spearmint and honey somehow. Her pink lips were softer than he had imagined.

Ethan didn’t have to wait very long for her to kiss him back. Her lips met his immediately, her hands finding purchase on the lapels of his jacket as she somehow pulled him even closer to her. This was happening. It wasn’t in his head. It was intoxicating — the smell of her perfume, her fingers bunched on his clothes, the feeling of her tongue sliding across his teeth.

She broke away for a moment, a ragged breath escaping her, “Dr. Ramsey, you’re —“

“Ethan.” He corrected her, putting his forehead on hers — He couldn’t not be touching her now, not after that.

“Ethan…,” She said breathlessly, “I’ve been wanting this. For a lot longer than I should admit.”

His eyes lit up in the darkness outside, not believing what he had heard. He moved his head back for a moment — meeting her gaze. “So have I.”

Grabbing onto the tip of her chin, Ethan pulled her back in for another kiss — this time tenderly, gently pulling her lips into his. She parted her lips for him, deepening the kiss. His hands traveled down her waist onto her hips, as her fingers twirled in through his thick hair and down the nape of his neck.

Goosebumps traveled down his skin as her fingers skimmed down the skin of his neck, moving down his chest to the buttons of his shirt. She undid them perfect precision, not breaking their kiss as she worked through them.

“Mmm…” She moaned into his mouth as she moved her hand down his bare chest. He felt his heart stutter as she touched him. Ethan matched her movements, his fingertips brushing over her collarbone, over her breasts and down her ribs and waist.

Ethan broke their kiss for a moment, as his hands lingered on the zipper of her dress — his thoughts getting the better of him for a moment. “What if someone sees us?”

“I don’t care.” She breathed, before pinning him against the railing. “Let them see.” She moved his mouth on hers again, and he eagerly wrapped her back into his arms, holding her tightly — not wanting to let her go.

He finished unzipping her dress, feeling her naked back that he had been looking at in the mirror just a few hours before. He relished the way her skin felt on his — she was so soft and warm.

Grabbing onto the fabric of her dress, he slid it up over her hips — grabbing onto her mostly bare backside. He let out the softest moan, looking down at her long legs and the small lacey panties she was wearing. “Jordynne…”

The kisses turned desperate as they looked down at their naked skin — her bare legs and his bare chest. He wanted this for so long, to know what she would feel like, taste like.

Pulling away, he took a shaky breath — catching his breath. He stared down into her big green eyes, his hands still holding her into him.

His mouth hung open in awe and desire — nothing should be this beautiful. But his eyebrows furrowed as his fingers dug into her more — he wanted her, he needed her — but his thoughts were starting to get the best of him. “What are you doing to me?” He growled, swallowing.

“Hopefully something good.” She moved her bare leg in between his, brushing her thigh up against his crotch, making him gulp again.

“Jordynne, I’ve never done anything like this. Ever. This is—“ He stopped talking as she placed a tan hand on his chest again. She traced it over his muscles before stopping over top of his heart. He wondered if she could feel its hammering beat. As if sensing his thoughts, her other hand grabbed onto his fingers — pulling it up to grab her own chest. She placed it underneath her dress, his fingers resting on the plump flesh of her breast. He could feel her heart thundering just like his. Her mouth spread into a smile as he realized how she felt too.

He swallowed, looking up into her eyes again, “You… feel amazing.”

“Wait ‘till you feel the rest of me,” She smirked, moving his hand so that he was cupping her entire breast.

“Christ,” He groaned, cupping her in his hand. He moved his lips to her neck, kissing the tender skin softly and enlisting a moan from Jordynne. It only made him want to do it more. He continued kissing and sucking at her skin, moving down to her collarbone and the top of her chest.  

As his teeth grazed her skin, he felt her shiver. His fingers trailed up her arms, and he noticed the goosebumps that had appeared. He hadn’t realized in their passion that the winds of the ocean had picked up.

“Let’s get you inside.” Ethan rubbed her shoulders for warmth, guiding her but Jordynne took his hand and intertwined his fingers with hers instead drawing him back into the hotel room.

The warm lights in the room caused Ethan‘s eyes to adjust, and he found himself blinking back to reality. Jordynne had pulled away from him, swaying her hips until she sat down on the edge of the bed. Her dress was still pushed up a little — revealing her long tan legs. The shoulder straps were coming down now too — her cleavage threatening to pop out of the thin fabric. She looked up at him from the bed, her green eyes inviting him over to her.

He froze — staring at her. She was mesmerizing. She was everything and more than what he has imagined in his dark bedroom in his lonely apartment.

He couldn’t do this.

It wasn’t his risk to take. It was hers. It would be career suicide for her — if someone found out.

“Ethan?” Her soft voice snapped him back. She was still sitting on the bed, her green eyes batting up at him.

“We… can’t.” He forced the words out of his mouth, “We can’t go further. We’ve already crossed a line.”

She sat up a little straighter on the bed, her eyebrows furrowing, “Did… Did I do something wrong?”

He closed his eyes — hating himself. “Of course not, not in the slightest. You…,” His eyes raked over her confused face, “No, I did. I shouldn’t have let this happen. And it can’t happen again.”

Her pink lips frowned, “What? Why not?” She was covering herself with her arms now, hiding her cleavage with one arm while the other pulled her dress back down.

He started rattling off the reasons he had come up with in his head already, “I’m an attending, and you’re an intern. You’re in the running to join my team. I’d be your boss—“

“So?”

He thought to the surprised look on Harper’s face, that gradually turned suspicious when he announced he was bringing Jordynne with him on this trip. She would know, and she was the Chief of Medicine. What would happen — fire the rookie intern who slept with her boss or the world-renowned diagnostician? He knew the answer. He knew Harper.

He ran his fingers through his thick hair, “It’s unethical. And it’s complicated.”

“Ethan…,” She moved off of the bed, starting to move towards him, “No one would have to know.”

“We would know, Jordynne. We would know,” He gulped, “I need to be able to push you to your limits. To help you become the doctor you want to be. The one I know you can be. I can’t do that if I…”

“If you what?” She had closed the distance between them again, her hand reaching out and trying to grab his wrist, but he moved as she reached out.

Ethan shook his head, angry at himself. “I’m sorry. I should have stopped myself before… We should call it a night. You can take the bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Ethan…” Her voice killed him — he could hear the hurt in her voice. “Please don’t do this.”

“I can’t.” He didn’t even turn to look at her before he walked into the other room. Closing the door softly behind him, he pressed his forehead to it. His eyes closed his face wrinkling in pain. Why did he do that? Why did he have to make it so much harder for himself?

And her. He envisioned the look on her face — how confused and hurt she look, her green eyes wide and pink mouth open as she tried to understand.

His body filled with rage and hatred at himself. Whirling around, he looked around the unfamiliar hotel living room. Grabbing onto a couch cushion, he nailed it with his fist.

His stomach twisted, waiting to see if she would try to follow him. But he couldn’t hear anything — just his heart hammering in his ears.

Glancing around the room, he let out a sigh of relief at the bar cart parked near the couch. Grabbing a tumbler, he poured himself a large scotch and downed it. Anything to drown out his thoughts — just to stop thinking.  

_______________________________________________________________________

She wasn’t there when he woke up.

The bed was made perfectly — like no one had slept in it. Her suitcase was tucked neatly at the door, waiting for them to check out.

Ethan could smell her in the bathroom — hints of her showering and getting ready still lingering in the room. Orange blossom shampoo, vanilla perfume. It made him miserable.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he showered and got ready before heading downstairs to find coffee. It was the day of lectures and presentations — the worst part of the conference for him. The last thing he wanted to do was to feign interest in other people’s research.

Heading down to the restaurant serving continental breakfast, he poured himself a cup of coffee and took a hearty swig. It was awful. Grimacing, he swallowed the bitter coffee.

Turning around, his heart crept up in his throat as his eyes landed on Jordynne for the first time that morning.

She looked incredible. She was wearing a professional-looking white dress, that hugged her hips and waist. Her blonde hair pulled into a sleek ponytail, simple jewelry on her neck. He noticed she still had her “ward ring” on — it was shining brightly off of her left hand.

A polite smile was forced on her face, as she stood in her heels listening to an older gentleman. She was hugging her cup of coffee to her chest. Ethan knee she probably hated the beverage as much as he did.

“Dr. Ramsey! Well, I’ll be!” The old man croaked, putting out his hand.

“Dr. Lynn,” He shook the doctor’s hand. “Dr. Holland,” he tried his best to keep his face neutral, nodding to her as a greeting.

Her smile faltered before she put the mask back on and returned the nod.

“So, tell me how is Dr. Banerji? Someone told me he retired.”

Ethan froze — his jaw clenched. He hadn’t planned on that — people asking him about Naveen. Nodding his head, he moved his mug in front of his face to hide the lie, “Retired and loving it.”

“I won’t be far behind.” The old man chuckled, before turning his attention back to Jordynne. “But, I was just telling young Dr. Holland here that Edenbrook better hold onto her. I don’t meet many interns like her at conventions like this!”

“I agree, Dr. Lynn.” Ethan swallowed, “She’s an incredible doctor.”

Jordynne’s green eyes flickered to Ethan’s, her lips pursing together.

“Well, if you ever want a change of scenery you should come see us in New York.” Dr. Lynn handed her his card, before shaking her hand.

“Thank you,” she said politely, tucking the card into the notebook under her arm.

The man said goodbye to the pair of them, leaving them alone near the coffee station.

Despite having already downed a cup of coffee, Ethan’s mouth suddenly felt dry. Jordynne was avoiding his eyes now, standing awkwardly.

“I’m—“ he opened his mouth, but she spoke faster.

“I’m going to go find a seat, in the conference hall.” She put down her coffee cup, clutching her notebook to her chest. “See you in there.”

He watched her walk away, strutting easily in her heels, her hips swaying a bit. His dark brows furrowed as he watched one of the doctors hitting on her from the previous night fall into pace with her.

Grinding his molars together, he stood there for a moment, before falling in behind them. He had made it clear — to her and himself. It couldn’t happen again. But his head was still swirling, his stomach tightening with the familiar feeling of want.

He was her silent shadow for the day — letting her take the lead in the majority of conversations when doctors or big pharma executives approached. She was great during the presentations — taking detailed notes, asking insightful questions. She was a natural — much better at all of this than he was.

She even dug into Naveen’s case a little — asking vague questions to other Doctors, seeing how they would investigate. She was also presented with several other business cards — other hospitals who were interested in speaking with her if she ever wanted a ‘change of scenery'.

Ethan knew it was the correct thing to do, to stop it where he had — right? He couldn’t take back kissing her, but at least he didn’t let it go any farther. It was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t easy. Every time he looked at her now his mind didn’t wander — wondering how soft her skin was, or what her lips would feel like. He knew now. God, did he know. And it was killing him. There wasn’t enough scotch in the world to make him forget what it had felt like — holding her to him, his lips on hers, her fingers twined in his hair.

Stop. It.

He thought to himself, curling his fingers into a fist so tight half-moons printed on his skin from his nails.

This is how it had to be. To protect her, and her career. Ethan has perfected misery before — he was certain he could learn to live with it again.

_______________________________________________________________________

Jordynne approached the flight attendant standing at the desk for their gate. Her voice was low for a moment, so he couldn’t hear her at first. Ethan strained his ear, trying to make out what she was saying.

“It doesn’t have to be a first class seat. Any seat really, if I could just —“

“I’m really sorry ma’am. But the flight is sold out, and I can’t change seats anymore.”

A flash of hurt crossed Ethan’s face. Now she didn’t even want to sit next to him?

Standing up, he met her at the desk and grabbed onto her elbow. Politely smiling at the attendant, he pulled Jordynne away with him, standing near the windows that looked out into the tarmac.

She wouldn’t meet his eye.

“Do not make me sit on this plane by myself, Rookie.” Realizing he was still holding onto her elbow, he quickly let go. “Please.” He added, his voice barely a whisper.

She drew her pink lip into her mouth, chewing it, “Okay.” She said quietly.

And she did. Her legs were pulled to her chest this time, leaving no chance of them accidentally touching. She had her neck strained, staring out the oval window at the fluffy white clouds.

He got what she wanted — at least she was sitting next to him. They hadn’t said anything, sitting in silence for the majority of the flight. Ines and Zaid were on the same flight with them this time — sitting a few rows ahead of them, nursing drinks.

Ethan wished it could go back to before. When there was just stolen glances to each other, the little sparks when they would brush hands that electrified his day. He hoped that they could work past it — for her sake, and Naveen’s. He needed to keep mentoring her — this conference proved how good she could be. And he would be helpless without her on Naveen’s case.

He just needed to go back to how he was before — before the shared scotches and wine bottles, before falling asleep on the same couch in the NICU, before stealing her away for “experiments”. No more dinners, or espresso romanos. That’s just what he had to do.

Maybe she would just find someone else. Then it wouldn’t matter. His misery, he could contend with. But hers? It was killing him — her silence, the seemingly permanent furrow in her brow, how she avoided his eye. If she found someone else then maybe their work relationship could stand a chance. He thought to the surgical intern, Lahela. Whatever that was between them, it could grow. Ethan swallowed down the bile that formed in his mouth as he thought of them together — dating, falling in love…

What if she moved? What if she left Edenbrook? She had received enough interest at the conference from several senior Attendings. He felt his heart start to rise in his throat, at the thought of her leaving. Could he do that — drive her away so much that she would move to another hospital?

“Would you move to New York?” He blurted out, unable to stop his panicked thoughts.

She turned her head to him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What?”

“Would you take Dr. Lynn’s offer? Leave Edenbrook?” He gulped, “Or anywhere else.”

Her lips twitched, “Boston is my home now. If Edenbrook wants me, that’s where I’ll be.”

He tried to hide his sigh of relief, his shoulders relaxing for a moment. But he tensed up again as she spoke again.  

“It’s gonna take a lot more than you rejecting me for me to want to move to a different state, Dr. Ramsey.” Her voice was a harsh whisper.

He swallowed, his stomach twisting with guilt, “I didn’t reject you. I — we — we just couldn’t.”

“But the thing is — we were and we can. But you get so wrapped up in that head of yours…” Her voice trailed off, and she starting picking at her nails.

Ethan didn’t know what to say — his mouth opening and closing as he thought.

Jordynne shoulders slumped at his silence, and she returned to looking out the window. But this time she put in headphones. She wouldn’t look at him, listen to him, or touch him — tucked into the corner of the large leather seat, staying as far away from him as she could.

The rest of the flight was brutally quiet. Ethan sat looking forward — straining his neck so straight so he wouldn’t dare glimpse at her. They didn’t make a sound to each other as they got off the plane, or grabbed their bags. They exchanged pleasantries with Ines and Zaid at the exit to the airport, before they walked out into the Boston streets.

It was a gloomy day — the dark clouds overhead threatening to rain at any moment. Ethan fumbled in his bags for his car keys, his suitcase at his side. When he heard the sounds of rolling wheels, he turned to see Jordynne stalking off towards the subway — dragging her suitcase behind.

“Rookie!” Ethan called after her, grabbing the handle of his suitcase and following after her. When he caught up to her, she flashed him a look but kept marching forward. “At least let me drive you home.”

“I have a shift, I’m going to the hospital.”

“Okay. Then let me drive you to the hospital.” He offered.

“No thanks, Dr. Ramsey.” The words were pleasant enough, but her tone wasn’t. She reached the tops of the steps leading down to the subway. Picking up her suitcase awkwardly in her arms, she started down the stairs without a backward glance.

Ethan stood at the top of the stairs, watching her blonde ponytail swing with her movement until she disappeared at the bottom around the corner. Reaching up to his face, he grabbed the bridge of his nose and pinched it. 

“Fuck,” He growled to himself, before angrily grabbing his suitcase and stalking off in the opposite direction.

Part Twelve

[tellywoodtrash]

Sanjivani - Week 6

Overall Plot

Holy shit, what a fucking week. Lots of interpersonal developments (read: dhamakas!) Shashank ousted Juhi all those years ago (on the request of Rahul) because he was in love with her?!?!? Shashank is also possibly Sid's father, or somehow personally associated with him?????? Rishabh's background is revealed too!!!!! Phew. I am dizzy.

The Medical Stuff

Not that much focus on the medical stuff this week. Neil's dad is quickly diagnosed with Legionnaire's disease and I assume cured (since we didn't see him after that, and Neil happily went along to Sid's for Ganpati.) There's an old friend of Shashank's whose wife had a nasty fall and is showing some pretty bad effects of concussion. Sid's injuries seem to be the priority right now.

The Acting

Dude. Sayantani, what a stellar actress. I could not take my eyes off her in the the scenes where she's at Juhi's house. Her eyes glittering with a strange sort of determination, almost like a suicide bomber, as she presses the button to detonate life as Shashank and Juhi know it. Fucking amazing. She blew (pun unintended!) even Mohnish outta the water, with her ice-cool, unperturbed performance, standing up to him so ably! Gurdeep too, had a nice couple of scenes, alternating between Juhi being disturbed at what she found out, as well as having to take charge of one crisis after the other, and she played it with such grace and poise. Surbhi had a more toned-down week (other than the scenes when Sid gets injured.) I particularly liked the apology scene and the scene where she's praying for Sid. I'm watching YPNTKH rn, and find Namit to be waaaay more polished in that than he is here? How did his dialogue delivery and acting regress a level or two, when he’s so damn steady there? Now I'm legit suspicious of the director(s) of this show, coz if they're not extracting the best out of their two leads, who have proven to be much better performers than they’re exhibiting in this show.... What are they even there for?  

The Characters

Sid: Watching YPNTKH has given me a new appreciation for Sanjivani!Sid (he's called Siddhant in that show too!) because he's a much better character here. He's a soft boi who isn't hyped up on ego and toxic masculinity, and I really really love and appreciate that. His admonishment of Ishani (during her apology) underscores his true character; he glossed over her poor behaviour towards him in public and even the fact that she slapped him, to focus on how she was ready to blow up her own career and throw it all away over a past she had nothing to do with. He's an excellent mentor who truly cares for his team and wants to make them the best doctors that they can be. Also, I'm so, so heartened to see how accommodating he is of Ishani's germophobia. Everyone else treats it as a quirk or inconvenience, but he truly takes it into consideration, asking for consent before coming in contact with her (at almost every instance they're close by - not just once for effect and done - I hope they maintain this aspect for good), or protecting her from unwanted contact from others. His crush on her is just so adorable - checking if she’s okay while he’s carrying her, remarking he’s glad that he didn’t punish her for her insubordination because he likes seeing her all soft and contrite; his bashful glee when she gives him a flower, the (mischievously) proud grin as he watches Ishani walk off to give Rishabh what he deserves; gently guiding her to where the best views of the Ganpati fest are, all the while shielding her from unwanted contact from strangers; semi-consciously dragging himself on top of her, to protect her from the gunde!!!!!! What a good, good bean he is. He's truly so beloved that seeing him brought in injured paralyses the whole hospital in shock, and they all unite in both dawa-and-dua ways to ensure he pulls through. Please show, I am fucking begging you; do not ever ruin this character by making him a typical Tellywood hero. Keep him soft and respectful and lovable forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I deserve a male character like this after all the fuckery I’ve been through the years!

Ishani: Ishani finally comes around to seeing Sid for what he is. Even before she learns that he wasn’t the one to blame for the poster drama, she opens up about her emotional issues to him, perhaps the first person she's let in for over 20 years now. Not only him, we see she lets in his mom as well; letting her smear colours on her face, hug her, and feed her sweets from her hand, even asking for more. Really sweet and shows the willingness to make progress on her part, for people who really matter. We also see the side of Ishani that's fiercely protective of those she considers her own; lambasting Rishabh for trying to play with Asha's career, and taking on a whole group of rowdy men who were harassing her, but as per usual, her impulsive side creates more problems than she ever accounts for. Couple that with her tendency to self-blame to a destructive degree, and our girl has a lottttt of work to do, mentally. I really liked the scene where she's praying for Sid, and she says that Sid is her friend, he's everyone's friend here, and they all really need him in Sanjivani. That's all the emotional development that's appropriate for now; what the fuck is this sudden realization of "love" that's coming outta nowhere acc. to the promo for next week???? Please! It's too fucking early for love and all. Friendship, maybe a confusing infatuation of sorts because he’s been her saviour multiple times now, that's it. Not CAPITAL L waala LOVE and all. Also not a fan of how she was just paralyzed and clutching at Sid and weeping after he got injured, instead of doing something helpful. Like, it's hard to believe she's a good doctor when she reacts so emotionally in scenarios like these. I think her skills extend only to diagnosis and she should maybe focus on that, instead of the surgical part.

Asha & Aman: Asha's woes against the patriarchy continue. First with Rishabh threatening to derail her career by bringing her family into the picture, and then those random drunkards at Ganpati. She does pull together nicely though while Ishani is panicking tf out, and manages to insert a chest tube for Sid to alleviate the internal bleeding. I’m glad that she finally opened up to Ishani about why she’s so competitive and bullheaded at work, which in turn leads Ishani standing up for her against Rishabh. A solid girl!love bond growing there and I am thrilled! Aman toh... Lol, continues being Aman. He offers to beat Rishabh up for Asha, roams around the hospital like an errant 10 year old, just generally having a gala time, unlike the others who are there to focus on work. I really cannot read the vibe between these two; are they just really good bro-sis type friends, or is there a romantic undercurrent? I can't tell. Either way, they're good together, and I don't mind whichever way it develops.

Dialogue(s) of the Week:

Asha [when Ishani freaks out that she threw away the literal white flag she was carrying to make up with Sid]: Ab ke ho gaya???? Wapas se teri overacting; dekh, sahi dustbin mein daala hai (iss baar.)

Aman [literally rolling into the scene on a razor scooter, seeing the yellow rose that Asha suggests Ishani give Sid]: Chee, chee, chee chee; itni gareebi aa gayi, ki yo peela phool dene laage tum log? Arre, manne bol diya hota, english waala phool mangwa deta, phoren se. Lekin [scoffs disdainfully] tumhari marzi... [scoots away]

Rishabh: We finally conclusively know who the worst fucking person in this show is so far. Ding ding ding! Winner winner, chicken dinner! This dude is just something fucking else. He threatens to fuck up Asha’s career if she tells anyone about the poster drama. He is a classist fucker who puts down Asha’s background to Ishani, saying she has “gaon waali harkatein.” He doesn’t give a shit if Sid dies of his injuries, to the point that even Vardhan is taken aback with how vitriolic he is. A truly vile creature, this one. We finally find out that he’s the son of the canteen waale chachaji, which explains the confrontation on the day Sid was called in for his investigation (Sid says that only he knows Rishabh’s “asli aukaat”, before Rishabh rudely pushes past him and the canteen chacha who came to offer them both chai.) All his LV belts and fancy car and show-shaa is just to hide his actual economic background and as such, he prevents his father from interacting with him while in Sanjivani. He’s terribly rude and dismissive of him, to the point where the dad wishes it was Rishabh who was battling for his life instead of Sid, who’s always been more of a son to him. Yiiiiikes. Anyway for all his bluster, I am happy that he’s properly terrified of Ishani, who threatened to fuck. him. up. if he steps out of line as far as she and her friends are concerned.

Neil: I was hoping we’d see more of the Neil-struggles-with-medicine-and-his-father’s-expectations plot, but it was done away with for this Ganpati wala track. Maybe next week? Shout out to him for his adorable wardrobe filled with cartoon characters, even a Tweety Bird waala kurta that he wore to Ganpati!

Rahil: Ride or die for Sid, and I’m so glad these two soft boys are best bros. They deserve each other. He seems to be pretty close with Sid’s mom too, which makes me wonder what his family situation is? It was nice to finally see Rahil integrated into the group of residents, teaming up with Asha and Aman to get the truth out of Rishabh. I also like that despite his own terrible injuries, he takes charge of the situation when Sid is injured and gets him the first aid he requires at the moment by instructing Asha/Aman/Neil what to do. Nice progress from that first case where he was panicking and Ishani had to step in. He’s inconsolable when they reach the hospital though, and unwilling to leave Sid’s side to get his own injuries looked at. Best boy, all the love for him!!!!!!!! 

Shashank: Lord above, what a week for poor Dr. Shashank. All his children are spontaneously combusting and giving this poor man the worst week of his life (probably.) Anjali unrepentantly blew up his personal and professional relationship with Juhi, Juhi is freezing him the fuck out (I refuse to believe that he has any romantic feelings for her unless he says so himself, out loud), Sid has been brought in at the brink of death, and Ishani is on the verge of a breakdown blaming herself for what happened with Sid. For godssake, this poor man is still recovering from a VERY MAJOR BRAIN SURGERY! Could y’all cut him some damn slack, you terrible little brats!?! He’s trying his best to manage; diplomatically addressing the issue with Anjali, trying to engage in conversation with Juhi, comforting Ishani and friends about Sid, but gosh, he’s really struggling to keep his head above water. Also, the overwrought reaction about Sid......... We’re supposed to think he’s Sid’s father right? But would they really do that to this character???? Make him romantically involved with Juhi AND have an illegitimate child with another woman? Very unlikely that they’d make him such a horndog. So one of these plotlines has to give up, and I really hope that it’s the Juhi one. I can begrudgingly tolerate him being Sid’s dad, but being in romantic love with a woman who was canonically a daughter-figure to him for all these years? Un-fucking-acceptable.

Sid’s mom: We don’t have a name yet, but Aarti Bahl (aka Ekta Sohini) also played Nurse Padma Bansal Gupta (Shashank’s second wife) in DMG after Shilpa Tulaskar left. So is she Padma here too, or a whole new character with the same face? As for why the previous actress was replaced, I have a feeling it was because she didn’t look age-appropriate and/or conventionally “attractive” to be paired against Mohnish for this “is Shashank Sid’s father?” plotline. I’m not sure what to make of Aarti’s acting, she seemed very stiff with that forced smile throughout the Ganpati function; and wasn’t too impressive in the scenes where she was panicking and hiding from Shashank either. The scenes I really liked her in were when she was lovingly fussing over Ishani, and later in the hospital when she remarked how proud she was of Sid for standing up to protect the honour of a woman. She has a very soft and calming voice, and her dialogue delivery is really pleasant and soothing, so I’m hoping I grow to like her in this character.

Juhi: Juhi’s not really having a great week either, but she’s a boss bitch who has everything (mostly) in control and I am so fucking happy to see that. I’m glad she didn’t fall apart over the “truth” or try to leave Sanjivani over it - curtly stating to Shashank that she’s signed a contract and intends to honour it, unless he fires her again. She has a brief confusing moment with him while conducting a motor function assessment to determine his fitness to do surgery again, but other than that, she’s all pulled together. She’s mostly brusque with Shashank, trying to prove that she deserves to be here because of her capabilities, and trying to break out from under his shadow to be a proficient COS in her own right; but she’s also gently firm with him when he emotionally barges in trying to help with Sid, insisting that she has it under control and assuring that she will not let anything happen to him. It’s so great to see her balance both her medical/admin skills as well as the firm-yet-empathizing demeanor so ably.

Anjali: Oh Anjali. I love you but you have some serious daddy issues that you need heavy-duty therapy for. On one hand, I understand why she is so resentful and passive-aggressive the way she is (Sayantani’s portrayal compels us to peek beneath the layers!) but on the other, she really had no right to throw Shashank under the bus like that. But I can’t say I didn’t enjoy the way she did it - so bloody spectacularly; unfazed at getting slapped by her father in front of her “rival”, chugging down a whole glass of wine and insulting Juhi’s cooking before she left for the night. So tragic, yet so fucking hilarious. On a professional front, I’m predicting that she’s gonna tire of this Luxury Ward COS post real soon, since it only seems to have her stand around kowtowing to rich assholes like a receptionist of some sort. I can only hope that she wises up to Vardhan’s BS soon enough, instead of serving as collateral damage and falling into the quagmire he’s planning with Rahul to target Shashank/Juhi.

Vardhan: Not much of Vardhan this week other than him entering that secret room he’s built for Rahul in the Luxury Ward. Good. I prefer him in small, controlled doses. And at least we have some clarification that even with all his shady crap, he’s not as horrible a human being as Rishabh - stating that even though he doesn’t like the way Sid operates within Sanjivani, he hopes he pulls through in surgery.

Overall Rating: 4/5

[youknowmymethods]

Content Creator Interview #7

Welcome to interview number 7! Guys, this is a two-parter with fandom friends @ellis-hendricks and @geekmama posing a similar set of questions to each other. Ellis won the coin toss, so she’s up first -- discussing why her husband is to blame for her Sherlock obsession, fluffy realism, and why John reminds her of a sad walrus -- with geekmama’s turn coming next week. 

Ellis_Hendricks (interviewed by geekmama) 

We are, respectively, a Californian and a Geordie, and we got to know each other through reading and reviewing each other’s fics (geekmama’s ‘Time of the Season’ series was one of the first fics I read and loved). Geekmama has been writing in the fandom for around 3 years, and I’ve been doing the same for around 2 years, spurred on by the end of series 4 (and the ILY scene in particular). We started beta-reading each other’s work around a year ago, and are always discovering new and unexpected words and phrases that don’t translate across the pond! Although we’ve used the same set of questions for these interviews, we haven’t seen each other’s answers – so it does mean that if nobody else is interested, at least we will be!

Questions about the series

geekmama:  Was there a particular moment in the series that set the ship sailing for you?

Ellis_Hendricks: It happened as soon as I started paying attention properly! I missed series 1 when the BBC first showed it, and when it was repeated, it was my husband who wanted to watch, and I was just casually joining in. But I think it was probably ASiB that did it for me - the contrast between Irene and Molly, and the manner in which Molly stood up for herself.

geekmama:  What's your favourite episode and why?

Ellis_Hendricks: I know it’s considered by some to be the least ‘Sherlock’ of Sherlock episodes, but it’s got to be The Sign of Three. The Best Man speech alone is an amazing piece of writing and performance, but then you’ve got the Worst Stag Night in History (™), Sherlock’s Mind Palace interactions with the women caught up with the Mayfly Man, and of course, Molly stabbing her fiancé with a fork! But it also reveals some of Sherlock’s secrets (his love of dancing) and vulnerabilities (his loneliness), and they’re so deftly woven into the action and the comedy. From a Sherlolly point of view, the ‘planning the stag do’ scene is always going to be a classic (I particularly love how Molly has the upper hand here), and then there’s the look on Molly’s face during Sherlock’s speech that so clearly shows that she only has eyes for the Best Man.

geekmama:  If you could ask/tell the series writers one thing, what would it be?

Ellis_Hendricks: Very hard to pick one thing, as there are so many moments when you really want to interrogate the writers’ intentions, particularly when they (deliberately, infuriatingly) leave things vague! I have always wanted to know, though, how Janine came to be Mary’s chief bridesmaid - was Janine a pawn used by Magnussen to befriend Mary and gain her trust, was she in on it in some way (seems unlikely), or were she and Mary genuinely just friends and the connection was just a massive coincidence?!

Oh, and at what point did Sherlock realise that Molly was engaged? The way the camera zooms into her engagement ring implies that this was the moment he noticed (and his previous behaviour would largely support that) - but it’s hard to believe that Sherlock would miss a detail like that.

geekmama: Do you have a controversial opinion about the series? E.g. a character who everyone else hates, but who you love?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m not keen on Irene, although that’s probably not a controversial opinion. But it’s not particularly for shipper reasons - I just don’t like what the writers did with the character, which, to me, was quite tired and hackneyed. I do have a soft spot for poor Tom, though - and actually, I don’t think his ‘meat dagger’ idea was that idiotic! In other circumstances, if Sherlock had come up with that, it would have been hailed as genius!

geekmama: Have you ever, when watching an episode, cracked a case before Sherlock?

Ellis_Hendricks: Ha! No. Although I did notice right away that the same actress (Sian Brooke) was playing multiple roles in TLD - not that I worked out why, though!

geekmama: With whom would you rather be stuck at a wedding table - Janine or Irene? Donovan or Anderson?

Ellis_Hendricks: I would be massively intimidated by all three women, for different reasons, and Anderson would obviously be intolerable. It’s probably got to be Donovan - she’d have some good police stories, at least, and she probably wouldn’t try to make me dance.

geekmama: Who would you rather bring back in series 5 - Mary or Moriarty?

Ellis_Hendricks: I really like Mary, but I would throw something at the TV if it turned out she’d faked her own death somehow. I was sad she was killed off, but once it’s done, I think it has to be final. Moriarty has probably had his day now, too, especially in the light of the revelations about Eurus - although his suicide was a brilliant shock, I do wonder whether Moftiss killed him off too soon.

geekmama: Whose house would you prefer to live in - Sherlock's, John & Mary's, Molly's or Mrs Hudson's?

Ellis_Hendricks: If the rest of Molly’s flat/house is as nice as her kitchen, then Molly’s (although the kitchen wasn’t at all what I would have imagined for her). Although it has some nice quirks, I would generally see 221B as a horrible regression to student filth.

geekmama: In your opinion, who has been the best series villain - Jim Moriarty, Charles Magnussen, Culverton Smith, or Eurus Holmes?

Ellis_Hendricks: I think it has to be Jim, if only because he was the most fun. Magnussen and Smith were clearly despicable human beings in their own way, and they were both incredibly chilling. Although Eurus is a fascinating prospect, as a character in this particular show (and with the history she was given), I found her harder to buy into - it was all a bit too Silence of the Lambs.  

Questions about your writing

geekmama: What was your first fic? What prompted it, and how do you feel about it now?

Ellis_Hendricks: It was ‘Completely Backwards’ - aka, Sherlock hatches a plot to get Molly pregnant, because he somehow thinks it will make her happy. It ended up being part of a much longer series, although I didn’t plan it that way. In fact, I wrote it more or less freeform, and it wasn’t beta-read, so I guess it’s a bit rough around the edges - looking back, there are a few small plot points I would change (mostly due to my relative lack of grounding in the series at the time), but it more or less stands up. Two years later, people are still reading and liking it, so it must work okay!  

geekmama: Which fic are you most proud of/most attached to, and why?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m genuinely quite proud of all of them, but I’m really pleased with the way both ‘In Loco Parentis’ (which follows Sherlock and Molly through 18 years of godparenting) and ‘A Knockout Christmas’ (Sherlock does A Christmas Carol) turned out. Both were quite big challenges. ‘In Loco Parentis’ involved thinking about how Sherlock and Molly would develop as a long-term married couple, how everyone’s lives might change and move on, and also both creating and sustaining original characters (in the form of their kids - and to an extent Rosie, who is not mine, but who we only know as a baby, and therefore have to take a guess at!). ‘A Knockout Christmas’ was an idea that came to me in a moment of insanity, and which I wrote fairly quickly - but I felt as though it had to strike a balance of being true to the series, and close enough to A Christmas Carol so that it followed similar beats and themes. Oh, and getting the choice of Sherlock’s ‘ghosts’ right was vital as well!

geekmama: In what ways does that old rule, “Write what you know” affect your writing?

Ellis_Hendricks: Quite a bit, I think. Or if I want to write about something that I don’t know, I do sufficient research so I can at least bluff that I know about it! My background is totally arts-based, so I feel very out of my depth when writing about anything sciencey (Chemistry was my worst subject in high school - I felt like doing a victory parade when I passed that exam!). I’m also not well-versed in fantasy or sci-fi literature, so I would also feel a bit of a fraud attempting something in an AU along those lines. Most of my fics are straightforward family/relationship pieces, and I suppose that’s my comfort zone. Generally speaking, my life is far too uneventful to actually inform plotlines - although Molly’s medical emergency in ‘Under One Roof’ was based on the birth of my younger child (and writing it served as cheap therapy!)

geekmama: What are your worst writing habits? What are your most overused phrases, plotlines, etc.?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’m not so hot on writing beautiful, detailed description, so I feel it’s something that’s lacking a bit in some of my fics - and it’s kind of out of laziness, and an impatience to get to the bits I do like! I think that I’m a bit repetitive when it comes to describing people’s gestures/facial expressions/reactions, and I’m also guilty of burdening characters with the same old verbal tics and quirks. In terms of plotlines, you could probably argue that all of my fics are basically the same story written from a slightly different angle!

geekmama: Do you have a writing routine? Where and when? And is everything digital, or are things ever handwritten first?

Ellis_Hendricks: Oh, for a writing routine! When I come up with an idea, it’s a case of frantically jotting down notes (usually on my PC or phone, but occasionally on paper if that’s more convenient at the time) - I then try to work those notes into a story plan in bullet points, usually including bits of dialogue if it occurs while I’m thinking. I generally have to write in short bursts, as and when I have time - at my desk during my lunch hour, on my phone while commuting (by train, I hasten to add - not while driving), at home once the small people have gone to bed. But if I had more time, I know I’d only procrastinate!

geekmama: Who do you enjoy writing the most?

Ellis_Hendricks: I’d love to give a more interesting answer, but it’s probably Sherlock - although writing his parents is also a lot of fun.

geekmama: Who do you find easiest/hardest doing first person POV?

Ellis_Hendricks: I think I’ve written from Sherlock’s, Molly’s, John’s, Mary’s and Mycroft’s POV, and to be honest, I’ve loved doing all of them, because each presents a different writing challenge. Mary was possibly the hardest, because she’s such a closed book in a way, and so much is unknown - and because I want to be sympathetic to her, at the same time as finding some of her choices questionable! Writing ‘A Dead Man in the Family’ really got me into writing Mycroft - to the point that I actually started to feel an affinity with him, which was a bit disconcerting!

geekmama: Which fic would you recommend to someone who has never read your stuff before?

Ellis_Hendricks: Hmm, if someone wanted a quick taster, maybe ‘The Wedding Planner’ or a recent one, ‘A Piece of That’. Most of my fics are multi-chapter, so if you’re willing to get your teeth into something longer (so to speak - that sounds wrong!), you could try ‘Not What it Looks Like’ (only 3 chapters), or start with ‘Completely Backwards’ and then see whether you want to keep reading that series for the next five months!

geekmama: What do you value most when it comes to feedback?

Ellis_Hendricks: All feedback is wonderful (except for the time a 12-year-old tried to start an ALL CAPS fight with me about Eurus!). For me, the greatest compliment is when people say that the characters feel authentic, and/or a story feels like a missing scene from the series. Anytime that someone says a story made them laugh, cry, or otherwise have a spontaneous outburst of emotion, that’s amazing, too. But having that dialogue with readers is what is important - the feeling that you’re not just throwing out stories into the void, and the encouragement that keeps you writing.

geekmama: Would you ever go back and revise old fics - or do you consign them to history once they're published?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, I’m pretty much of the feeling that what’s done is done. The only changes I’ve made are spelling/grammatical ones that I’ve spotted later on - or when I’ve spotted a glaring error that might throw people out of a story. I don’t think I’d ever do a wholesale rewrite.

geekmama: Do you - or would you - write other pairings?

Ellis_Hendricks: I write other established pairings, e.g. John and Mary, and have written post-TFP fics where Mycroft and Lady Smallwood are a couple in some way, but I haven’t written other fan pairings. Everyone is totally free to ship who they like, but I guess I just write the ones that appeal to me.

geekmama: How would you define your style?

Ellis_Hendricks: One reviewer described it as ‘fluffy realism’, so I think I might pinch that! Generally, my fics are fairly close to canon, and use events in the series as a hook or jumping-off point.

geekmama: What's your method in approaching a story? Do you plan methodically, or wing it?

Ellis_Hendricks: I used to wing it, but I’m better at planning these days - it at least means that if I lose momentum or have a gap between chapters, I’ve got something to fall back on. When writing a multi-chapter fic, I used to publish a chapter and then write the next, but now I tend to try to write the whole thing first (or at least get a few chapters ahead) - much less stressful that way!

geekmama: Who do you write for? Is it you, or are you thinking about trying to please your audience?

Ellis_Hendricks: Certainly in the early days, I was just writing things that I would like to read, as there was no guarantee that anyone else would be interested! That’s probably changed a bit now, but I go by the rule that if I don’t find something engaging and entertaining, then I’ve got no right to expect that other people will!

geekmama: Do you have any WIPs, and do you think new chapters will ever see the light of day?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, I don’t have any WIPs - I’m not good at juggling more than one idea at a time, and I’m a bit of a compulsive completer, too. If I get a new idea while writing a fic, I make a few frenzied notes and then bury it until I’m ready.  

geekmama: Are you working on anything at the moment?

Ellis_Hendricks: All I have is an outline for a one-shot, which I’m hoping will see the light of day before too long.  These days, it’s really hard to come up with something that hasn’t already been done (and done well) by someone else!

geekmama: What’s harder for you - writing the start of a fic, or coming up with a decent title?

Ellis_Hendricks: The start of a story, because of that need to grab people (hopefully a reader might forgive a crap title?!). I had a teacher who said that once you’ve written something, you should always go back and jettison the first paragraph, because it’s usually a pointless preamble - not sure whether I agree with that entirely, but I do always check to see whether there’s a better way of just jumping into a story.

Reading other people's fics

geekmama: What are your favourite tropes in the fandom?

Ellis_Hendricks: Lots of the old favourites. Off the top of my head...bed-sharing, Molly as ‘the missus’, secret dating/marriage, being lab partners, accidental pregnancy.

geekmama: What things are likely to turn you off a fic?

Ellis_Hendricks: I try to be pretty open-minded, but I’m not keen on fics where Sherlock is portrayed as insanely jealous or aggressively dominant, or when Molly is a bit of a teenage fangirl, usually with little or no backbone. Another is where Tom turns out to be a total bastard, either before or after Molly breaks up with him - I know we don’t see a lot of him, but I don’t read him that way at all, and I like to think that (even after Jim from IT!) Molly has better judgement.

geekmama: Can you recommend 3 fics that are not your own?

Ellis_Hendricks: No, because I’ve read too many good ones. But I’m always excited when I see something new from geekmama, MizJoely, Writingwife83, waitingtobedistributed, OhAine, Quarto, sunken_standard, miabicicletta, forthegenuine or hobbitsdoitbetter.

geekmama: What compels you to leave comments on top of kudos?

Ellis_Hendricks: I don’t know exactly - but it does feel like a compulsion. If something has really impressed me, moved me, made me laugh, or has prompted me to go and read the whole thing again, then it definitely warrants a comment.

Quick-fire questions!

John's TEH moustache or his TAB moustache?

Ellis_Hendricks: TAB moustache, because it’s acceptable for the period setting. TEH moustache makes him look like a sad walrus.

Sherlock's purple shirt or white shirt?

Ellis_Hendricks: Can’t say I’m fussy in this regard, but...purple. Or the all-black get-up from ASiB.

Molly's stripy jumper or cherry cardigan?

Ellis_Hendricks: Stripy jumper - it looks cosy (although I would snag it on everything).

Mary's christening outfit or black-ops gear?

Ellis_Hendricks: Black-ops. I’d wear it when I’m surreptitiously moving my neighbours’ bins.  

Submitted by @thisisartbylexie: Your way of presenting Mary and Molly's friendship is so realistic and rich. What made you want to write about it?

Ellis_Hendricks: Thank you - and that’s such a great question! (I also had no idea that artbylexie had read my fics, so that made my day.) Well, I’m a feminist, and I think that female friendships are worth celebrating whenever you can. Also, Molly and Mary are both such brilliant characters in their own rights, and I was keen to think about their lives outside of their relationships to the men in the series. It always fascinated me that Molly wasn’t a bridesmaid at the Watsons’ wedding, but she was made a godmother less than nine months later - so a strong friendship must have developed in that time. I tend to think that, because of her past, Mary wouldn’t have fostered many genuine friendships, but that she can’t help but make an exception for Molly. Makes me want to write something else for them now!

Submitted by @ohaine: this is a joint question for Ellis and geekmama: Do you feel that working together as betas has changed the way you both write?

Ellis_Hendricks: Yes, I’m certain it has made me up my game! The quality of geekmama’s own work (both creatively, in terms of plot, and technically, in terms of grammar and structure) is very high, so I suppose I have that to aspire to when I write, too. She’s great at spotting my errors or opportunities for improvement - I guess that could make me lazy (knowing she’ll pick them up), but I think it makes me more determined to do a good job first time around, so she doesn’t have too much to do!

Next week, April 5th 2019, the shoe is on the other foot and @ellis-hendricks puts her questions to @geekmama

[lord-rosenth0rne]

I love how I make characters to be my persona in certain universes and I end up putting too much thought in them to where I make a background and alter them so much that when I do something that I would normally do, it becomes too OOC for that character and I have to go back to the drawing board XD

My Pyro Main just became that...She went from destructive, fun-loving, hopeless romantic to this silent Michael Myers type who killed her mother for forcing her into beauty pageants with a penchant for throwing gasoline around and lighting people on fire just for the hell of it. 

Yeah... This oughta be fun. Might still be able to shoehorn the hopeless romantic bit in there somewhere for her but the rest went out the window.

Edit: I kiiiinda also made my own team... On paper and SFM too... I think I kinda went overboard... I can post the SFM stuff later if anyone’s interested. The rest is undercut. Some just have a couple of things off from their original counterparts.

Jethro: An elderly cantankerous engineer. Years in the mercenary field has taken a toll on him and made him salty. Due to this, his teammates try to avoid him on the field and off. He won’t hesitate to call you out on bullshit or make an example of you if you try to push him. He absolutely hates incompetence and believes his ‘team’ is full of idiots who ‘can’t tell their asses from holes in the ground’. He can usually hold his own very well which has led the opposing team to gang up on him in order to take him down. This has become an issue but due to his reputation with the other teammates, he can’t get the help he needs. He is the oldest by far out of all of the mercenaries. His favorite word is ‘Dumbass’ but his insults can get quite colorful and creative. His past isn’t well known other than the fact he was once married and had kids.

Stefan: The team’s Medic and leader. As a young man studying in the medical field, he was forced to join the Nazi cause but fled the moment he could, however not before performing unspeakable acts under the threat of those same acts happening to him. He is haunted by what he has done and has tried to turn himself in once the allies had taken over only to be brushed off due to lack of evidence. The commander who forced him to do those acts had taken credit for all of it for some twisted sense of ‘glory’. Stefan suffers from a heavy form of PTSD and can’t be left alone to his thoughts without alcohol. He considers himself a monster who can’t go back to normal life. He has been under Jethro’s wing since he entered the Mercenary scene. He tries to atone for his past by being a good leader and Medic to his team.

Jasper: The team’s Sniper. He’s very calm, quiet and reserved. He doesn’t often get involved in any conflict with other teammates unless it is to break up a nasty fight. If he has to raise his voice, someone is going to pay. He prefers the solitude his job gives him. He has several birds which he uses to communicate with others without leaving the watchtower of the base headquarters. He’s rarely seen outside of the base when not fighting. His teammates chalk it up to his job needing stealth more than him actually wanting to be alone.

Nikoli: The team’s Heavy. That’s all anyone knows minus his favorite foods and past times. While he is friendly and can be quite boisterous, the man is careful not to reveal anything about his past. He will become stone-faced if asked about it and will promptly change the subject. He is well versed in multiple weapons and can be an efficient leader when given the opportunity. Rumor has it that he may have been or still be a sleeper agent but no evidence has surfaced. The Soldier tries to butt heads with Nikoli over the fact he’s Russian but Nikoli laughs him off and offers to buy him a drink.

Gawen: The team’s Demoman and second in command. Gawen came to America looking for a better life only to fall deep into the crime scene when he was met with resistance and racism from the locals. The only jobs he could land were those no one wanted to do but even then they didn’t pay well. He was soon picked up by a local crime syndicate after he finished a fight that he didn’t start in a local pub against rival gang members. As a member, he thrived for years while discovering his love for explosives but once the head of the syndicate was assassinated, it was disbanded and caused him to go west to find work.

Jack: The team’s Scout. Fancies himself as ‘Jumping Jack Flash’. Some kid from the Bronx who thinks he’s hot shit with a passion for sports, not just baseball. After beating a customer to near death with a metal bat at the sports store he used to work at, he fled and ended up at Teufort. He insists the customer was asking for it and doesn’t seem to regret his actions. Jack also seems to be a closeted homosexual and shows extreme fear when someone jokingly alludes to him being gay which often leads to him trying to ‘prove heterosexuality’ to the person. One of his cousins was tortured and murdered for being homosexual by people who were supposed to be friends.

Iggy: The team’s offensive Pyro, but he usually goes by ‘Pyro’. Not many of the Mercs actually know it’s ‘Iggy’. He looks like an absolute badass biker but it’s all for show. The other team doesn’t need to know that though. He does not take off his mask for anyone except the Medic. He does own a motorcycle and will go off on his own for long periods of time. When he’s at the base, he usually knits, cooks, and cleans. He does not like Jethro as the codger made him cry on more than one occasion.

Arsene: The team’s Spy. Because no one is using their original names, this man has decided to choose the name of the famous gentleman thief, Arsene Lupin, who may or may not exist in their fictional universe. Not much is known about the man otherwise, other than the fact he may be on several watch lists under several different names. He loves gardening and incorporates fresh flowers in his dapper style whenever possible. He tends to flirt with anything that moves.

Warren: The team’s Soldier. Second oldest on the team and an actual war veteran… er, war criminal. He abandoned his platoon in order to carry out some extreme measures on the enemy. He was hoping to get to Hitler himself and strangle him. Once he got word of Hitler’s suicide, he set his sights on Stalin but was caught before he could even reach Russia. His kill streak spans into the hundreds. He and Stefan have crossed paths once before with Stefan narrowly escaping his rampage.

Cynder: The team’s defensive Pyro and the only female to date on the team (Soldier bitches about it behind her back). She was hired onto the Red team at Stefan’s request to help Jethro as none of the other teammates wanted to and basically does intern work outside of battle. While she has no recorded work experience, she does have training as she comes from a long lineage of mercenaries. She is often silent and has a Michael Myers vibe about her when she is working, using only gestures to communicate. She has a habit of just appearing out of nowhere. She uses this to her advantage, often splashing targets with gasoline and lighting them on fire if the situation calls for it. It’s a game of Russian Roulette, leaving witnesses to wonder if she’ll light the gas or not. She often carries an old silver zippo lighter with a skull etched in the side. The shotgun she uses is an old stock shotgun with ornate markings down its barrel that belonged to a family member of hers. Her teammates do not know what to make of her and the presence of a woman on the team has caused opposing team to hesitate when squaring off with her. She doesn’t have Pyrovision but is brutal enough without it. Cynder is considered the catalyst for more female mercs to be hired by the two companies.