#also this isnt necessarily ship but you can read it that way

[duck-in-a-spaceship]

Please Pick Up The Phone

I come bearing House M.D. fanfiction.

Summary: Season 5 Episode 24 fic where Wilson reflects on his relationship with House and what's led them to this point.

Word Count: 1078

Warnings: Addiction mention

+++

Wilson should… he should say something.

House has been uncharacteristically silent since Cuddy led him into Wilson’s office. Since the door opened without warning, followed not by House asking some insane question while sticking one foot up on the desk, but by Cuddy dressed head to toe in professional concern, by House, looking haggard and empty, hardly able to meet Wilson’s eyes.

Even when Cuddy began to explain, House was silent, only occasionally offering confirmation to some statement or question when it was directly requested of him. For the most part, he looked out the window. Ever so often, Wilson found himself following his gaze, glancing over at the lush trees and blue skies. Whatever House found so compelling, Wilson couldn’t grasp it.

Even the last conversation they had, when they got into the car, had been lackluster. “You got everything?” Wilson asked as he closed the door, starting to yank his seatbelt in place. House just nodded. “You ready?” he tried again, turning his keys for the car to rumble to life. Another nod. “Great.”

He drums his fingers on the wheel. Not to any sort of rhythm or beat; there’s no music in the car, just to release some of the nervous energy he can feel jittering around in his veins. Maybe he should play music, just to break the silence, just to have something to cut through the depressing mist that has cloaked his friend. He’s halfway made up his mind, one hand nearly leaving the wheel, but then he sees House out of the corner of his vision and… nevermind.

House is looking outside the window again, at the drops of rain that have collected on the glass. For a moment, he looks over at Wilson, and there it is. His chance to end the quiet, to say something, anything.

He keeps his eyes on the road.

They sit in silence.

More rain drips down from the sky, and Wilson turns on his windshield wipers, the rubber groaning against the glass with each inelegant swipe. There’s a wedding going on, right about now, and Wilson vaguely wonders if it’s raining there. It’s hard to imagine, the gloomy clouds and damning drops spoiling such a perfect event. He thinks the rain is right where it belongs.

Cuddy had apologized before he left, expressed her sympathies that he had to miss the wedding. Wilson had just stared at her incredulously.

“The wedding?” he’d echoed. “Oh, I don’t care about the wedding. I mean-” He cut himself off with a sigh. “Of course I care, tell them I’m sorry I can’t make it. It’s just…”

She saved him the labor of having to finish his sentence. “You care about House more.”

Wilson nodded.

“I’ll give them your congratulations.”

He can see the building now. It looks… imposing, honestly. The dead trees and grim clouds do little to help the image, but even without them, it’s hard to imagine a pleasant interior to the building's cold brick and intimidating breadth. It begins to swallow up the whole of Wilson’s view, the closer they approach.

You want this. He has to remind himself as he brings the car to a stop. You’ve wanted House to get help for years. Cuddy has wanted House to get help for years. Anyone who has ever known House has wanted him to get help for years. And now he wants it too.

They both get out of the car; House first, and then Wilson right after. He grabs House’s single bag from the backseat, and holds out a hand for the rest of his friend’s belongings. A wallet and the watch Kutner gave him are all Wilson has to take. He holds them carefully as he offers out the bag, and the trade is complete.

House slides his cane off the back of Wilson’s car, leaning his weight against it once it’s in his hand. Their eyes meet, and if Wilson is going to say anything, then now is the time. He wishes he had the words, but he doesn’t. House looks back up at the building, and then he’s walking away.

Wilson turns to watch him go, reminding himself yet again that this is a good thing. That this is better for everyone, better for House most of all. That just because goodbyes are bittersweet doesn’t mean they should never have them.

House turns, right before the doors close, to look back at Wilson. It feels like a last chance, to do something, to say something. He feels like he’s back in college, and the phone on the nightstand is ringing but he just doesn’t have the energy to pick it up. He can’t even summon a smile for his friend.

House looks away before the door swings closed.

Wilson is left standing alone, in the middle of the street.

The wallet and watch feel so heavy in his hands all of the sudden. He tucks them away into his pocket before slowly turning and heading back to his car. He just feels so… drained, as he pulls the door shut and clicks his seatbelt into place. Everything action weighs down on him, impossibly heavy, pinning him in place. Wilson rests his head in his hands, takes a deep, shuddering breath.

This is good.

His friend needs help. His friend is getting that help. His friend… his friend hallucinated his dead girlfriend. His friend delusionally thought he had sex with Cuddy. His friend stuck a knife in a socket and nearly killed himself. His friend cheated last time he was in rehab because he couldn’t handle the pain. House had… Wilson never should’ve let it get this far.

Maybe the phone had been ringing the whole time, and he’d just never picked it up. Or maybe he’d picked it up, but then given up and hung up again. Maybe he’d picked it up and said all the wrong things, and House just hung up anyway.

Wilson wipes away tears that have yet to fall away from his eyes, stifling sobs. This is ridiculous. He needs fucking House here to tell him he’s being ridiculous. To tell him there’s no point in sitting in his car, crying and blaming himself. To tell him to go home.

He twists his keys, and starts the car.

Maybe the phone was never ringing at all. Maybe Wilson was just stuck listening to the ringback tone, waiting for House to pick up.

He’s glad House finally did.

[sporesgalaxy]

since i dont want an entire "zim age debate" on your blog im keeping this off anon so you can answer this privately if you want

im ALSO not trying to "convince you" to change your interpretation of zim because thats stupid and completely defeats my entire point that its up in the air. thatd also be pretty mean of me!

but my main point is that i think different writers on the show have different ideas for how they see him, considering jhonen is not the sole opinion-haver there and his favorite thing to do is make shit up. like richard and andy((zim and dibs voice actors, respectively)) im pretty sure dont think hes an old man otherwise the puppet kiss incident or the "i love you zim" wouldnt have happened. ((not that i want this to be About shipping but thats a big example)) and then theres advertisements calling zim an "alien kid" or jhonen himself calling zim a child in the old pilot bible

i understand what you mean with tak the hideous new girl however thats also the episode where he tries to Date tak under the impression that shes a human child and id rather not see my funny greenboy as a predator. i just always thought that the 60 years joke was "haha isnt it funny that were using ridiculously long periods of time and theyre still children"

not to mention mopiness of doom where it shows that zim and dib are grossly codependent enemies and i just dont really want to imagine a 60+ year old man and a child depending on eachother like that,,,,,

theres more "evidence" but i think this ask has gone on long enough

ALL OF THAT BEING SAID!!!!! theres no definitive proof either way and i find that unless youre shipping or really want to dig into the child soldier angle((which i personally find interesting)) it doesnt really matter. again this isnt supposed to be a persuasive essay just like,, idek. i like discussing this show and the characters in it! theres story benefits to either interpretation of zim and i like your art either way

uhh,, cheers and also sorry i think!!

eh. I had to write so much to respond to all this, it seems wasteful not to post.

TL; DR

There is no way for me to 100% guarantee that zadr will be read the same way by everyone, because it won't be, as is the nature of all media. That is exactly why I don't think that everyone who interprets Zim as a child necessarily has ill or manipulative intentions.

But I can provide arguments like the following for why I think zadr and kids who ship it would be a likely target for groomers, and therefore why I feel it is a good idea to discourage this ship.

As I mentioned in the previous ask, I think that said discouragement should be approached with the mindset that not everyone involved is malicious or arguing in bad faith. It is necessary to determine how best to act depending on the situation.

Personally, I'm going to continue pointing out the problems I see with the ship as much as I can in hopes of changing peoples' minds, whenever I have the time and energy to do so.

re: the VAs: This does not refute my point about Zim being easily read as an adult bc of the 50 years comment/ many other contextual implications made by the show. If anything the vagueness about Zim's age because of his alien society could make this a more useful grooming tool. I feel the same way about Bill Cipher x Dipper. Bill has just as much childish adult coding and just as little certainty about his age within the context of his alien species.

•••

re: the pilot bible: the show changes lots of things from the pilot bible so this is no more reliable than any other "word of god" (input from creators of the show rather than material within the show) from Jhonen.

That said, I think the VAs were joking around and did not put much thought into it. Joking around by making characters act the opposite of normal (hating each other -> liking each other) is common.

That said, I think the unprovable nature of the intentions behind the VAs comments is a good argument for excluding word of god from the Zim age conversation entirely. I think that zadr is still Not Good and should be Discouraged even if you only look at the show with no additional outside input, for all the reasons I explained in the first ask and have added here.

re: advertisements calling Zim an alien kid: a bunch of characters in the show call him a kid because they are genuinely convinced he is one, so it doesnt surprise me that advertisement/bumper writers who arent really paying attention would call him that.

re: trying to date Tak: in that episode it is made VERY clear that Zim does not understand romance at all, and does not care to beyond what's necessary to blend in. He clearly does not genuinely want to date her and only wants to use it to seem more socially normal. The Keef episode established a precedent for how Zim treats human relationships he's unfamiliar with, and it's by doing the bare minimum and then ditching them immediately. It's not GOOD behavior by any stretch, but he isn't acting with genuine predatory intentions.

re: 60 years joke: yeah sure that is a joke the show might make. But the additional cultural context we have for Zim's life (that he has been a soldier for a long time + that he trained to become a soldier for a long time, as we see in The Trial) gives Tak being a janitor for 50 years more potential to be taken literally.

re: mopiness of doom: yeah honestly I just personally don't like that episode script. But also, as codependant as they are and as weird as that is, nothing about it is inherently romantic. My frenemies argument from the end of the original post still stands, as do all of my arguments about the ship being potentially useful for grooming because of the lack of clarity.

re: your conclusion: The fact that Irkens HAVE child soldiers IS interesting, yes, and we see in The Trial that Zim has been trained to be a soldier basically since birth, which is also interesting to consider for Zim's character.

However, I explained in the previous ask how I think reading Zim as a child during the current events of the show weakens some of the show's core themes about incompetent, unquestioning adults. I think the whole show just makes more sense if it is centered around a socially shunned child and socially shunned adult fighting against each other. The fact that Zim is old and still a loser further highlights how futile both his and Dib's aspirations to greatness are within their respective societies-- and they are CLEARLY meant to be seen as futile.

I cannot think of a theme or character arc that would be served by Zim's age being unclear, so I do not think it comes across as intentional, even if you rule out word of god. But still, even if nothing I've read into here was intentional, what matters is that it is lends itself to being interpreted as an adult/child ship, or being interpreted as an age gap that "doesnt count" for superficial reasons. And NO I am not claiming that there is any way to conclusively determine that a ship with an unclear age gap has crossed the line into potentially harmful territory. It HAS to be considered on a case-by-case basis. And you've made it clear that there are muddling factors to sift through for this one in particular!

But I feel very strongly that these muddling factors are more circumstantial than, less intuitive than, and ultimately outweighed by, the parts of the text which contextually place Zim as an adult, and will continue providing examples supporting this conclusionc whenever I am able to.

[kasperbunny]

3 for all your ships!! Aand 6,9 13 and 14 for anyone you want :)

oh god hi hello. putting this under a read more bc it got long

What would their song to each other be?

i dont have an answer for ALL my ships but, heres just a few. and these are more like...songs that describe their dynamic or make me think of them if that makes sense!

danse/art - put your head on my shoulder by paul anka. this song isnt necessarily fitting to their dynamic, but...i always come back to this song bc it makes me think of the soft, more calm and sweet moments between these two. i can picture them listening to it and slow dancing clumsily together, whether theyre a lil drunk or completely sober i dont know, but it always puts that image in my head and makes me happy.

shane/elfie - froot by marina. listen. this song is just straight up longing/horny from elfie's pov and i love it. this song is just fun and i like thinking about how BADLY she wants this dumb lil guy. thats her man and shes gonna TAKE him. also this song slaps.

shane/me - loser by charlie puth. UGH THIS SONG. THIS SONG. i feel so self indulgent when i listen to this song. thinking about shane longing for me and wanting me when im with my other f/os. his jealousy and anger and self loathing is just in hyper drive when he sees me with danse or arthur or whoever. i love torturing my husband <3

What small quirks do they love about each other?

i'll do this for shane/elfie. hmm...shane likes how emotive elfie is sometimes. she plays with her hair when shes nervous, she talks with her hands, she wiggles/wags her tail when shes excited or curious.

i...am blanking on any little quirks shane has im so sorry.

How did they know they were right for each other?

can i answer this for danse/me!!!! because like. god. i remember before i played fo4 i would watch my bf play it and he had danse as his companion a lot and. i just started watching him play more and more bc i started to feel IMMEDIATELY safe and protected by danse. my crush on him was instant. i started thinking about danse more and more. i barely even knew him yet but i felt so infatuated and longed for him. it just felt good right away, and i knew he was right for me. my love for him is unconditional and i hope he feels safe around me too. im sure thats how he knows im right too, he doesnt have to be or do anything different, he can just be himself and i'll love him regardless. even if hes a shit head sometimes <3

How do they express their feelings (Words, visual art, a song, etc.)?

answering for danse/art. neither of them are very good with words. danse is a very "acts of service" type of person. if art has a piece of equipment or something that needs fixing, danse already has it jotted down in his head to fix it later. art doesnt even have to ask, danse is already on it and tinkering with art's gun or armor or whatever.

meanwhile, art is very touchy if hes close with someone. he used to be better with expressing his feelings thru words, but it got hard after everything he went thru. so he sometimes just touches danse on his shoulder, his arm, his back, or holds his hand when he needs attention. danse had to get used to being touched all the time, but now he picks up on when art needs something or is trying to express something because he'll just give danse little touches or stand/sit close enough that theyre touching in some way.

Where would they go on a 3am adventure?

this screams shane/elfie. elfie calls shane at 3 am asking if he wants to come over. hes like elfie, its 3 am, why. she says she misses him and she wants to see him. he absolutely cannot say no to her so hes throwing on his sweats and jacket and booking it to her farm. i think theyd just chill together, so not really...much of an adventure. but i can also see her calling him up being like "wanna go explore that cave on my farm? :)" and hes like. what the fuck, but okay.

[boilingheart]

i know its not quite the same scenario as navy seal, but ive highkey avoided ever talking about or publicly enjoying poly pirates content for the same kind of reason, but instead bc it involves shipping jay and chip.

like. yes, i know many people (including the jerboys) interpret them as having a more sibling-esque bond. I fully acknowledge it and I can even agree w it!* but i hate how it has been made that any other interpretation is not only wrong but also bad.

idk man like. i just hate how it feels like enjoying any dynamic of poly-pirates outside of fnc is wrong-- bc at that point, what is the point?

*i personally tend to see the two as very close, but the specifics of whether that closeness is platonic/familial or romantic depends on interpretation (whether of the individual, author, etc). they're two people who've found connection and safety in each other and also enjoy ribbing the other for jokes- what specific type of connection that is can vary for me, yknow? the type isnt the Core of their dynamic to me

(sorry the asterisk part got so long i just want to properly explain myself and dump a bit fjkdsjf)

Oh yeah, I'm 1000% with you on this. I mentioned navyseal cause that's my personal guilty pleasure that I am highkey obsessed with but had to keep it on the downlow after twitter decided it was just as bad as inc*st apparently (as someone who is very very deeply uncomfortable and revolted by that type of stuff in genuine, that shit pissed me off!!!), but this absolutely applies to Chip and Jay and polypirates as a whole. Hell, when I first started the show and didn't really have much fandom influence in my first 30 something episodes I was actually way more of a poly enjoyer

Anyways, as a whole I do sincerely think Chip and Jay work better as a platonic bond, I like this interpretation of their relationship better than romantic, but that doesn't necessarily make the ship bad or wrong you know? Literally ditto to everything you said in your asterisk I couldn't word it better myself.

Like bruh it really felt like these characters are stuck being bitchless fr LOL that whole twitter debacle made it feel like the only CORRECT ships were fnc and pistolwhip (as if fnc doesn't Also have some of the same dynamics listed in navyseal and chip/jay!! (although im certainly keeping my mouth shut further on that since people have started gunning to convince people fnc is a Bad Boring Ship, Actually, and it's better platonic (unrelated to the wlw vs mlm take that just happened there, big disclaimer (I spend too much time on twitter can u tell... there's so many shipwars there for no reason...))) anyways yeah there was just too many people trying to police these ships and instead of just being NORMAL and saying "oh X isn't my cup of tea I enjoy a familial/platonic bond between them instead" they start bending over backwards to prove that ACTUALLY it's PROBLEMATIC, SEE? And sourcing the boys' opinions on it doesn't Wholly matter to ships (unless it's in regards to boundaries, in which it Absolutely Matters) cause Bizly regularly dunks on fnc and that hasn't changed anything

This got very long winded sorry LOL I've been holding onto this irritation for a while now, it's one of the reasons why I'm trying to move away from twitter and come back to tumblr tbh. It is simply fandom culture to ship, and while I love fnc to absolute death as my main ship here, it's nice to explore some variety yk? navyseal has CRAZY potential cause of their parallels and their journey of self discovery and how much they deeply care for each other, polypirates is just a lot of fun altogether cause of all their personalities and that shared strong bond, then you have swordfish, fish² and chips, caspian/chip, marshall john/gillion, like, multishipping is FUN dude. Unless it's GENUINELY problematic or Actual Proshipping like twitter Claimed, I don't see the big idea. There is such thing as "Don't like, don't read". There is such thing as muting/blocking words and curating your own experience. You don't have to put down others because their enjoyment of something clashes with your personal interpretation of it. It's fandom bro!!!

[aurathian]

20 questions for fic writers!!

thank you for thinking of and tagging me @mistresslrigtar !! this gave me a nice break from my studies <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31 blushing emoji

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

99,127

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Zelda. mostly BOTW (but i dont discriminate) there are also some Hades fics sprinkled in there

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

for all time (a collab with @zelzenik !)

Of Memories

demeter nipping at your nose (one of my 2 hades fics)

one last look

Life in a Dead World (??????? why)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Usually yes!! I love getting comments from my readers and I want them to know I appreciate it. if i don't reply it's usually because i think the comment is strange/rude or i just dont know what to say lol

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

def love me (and leave me to die) but it was hard to pick bc tbh im the angst queen (TOTK SPOILERS IN THIS FIC!!)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

HyMart i'm going to pick this one because its happy all around and tbh idk what fic of mine is necessarily "happy" or has an ending that isnt streaked with tragedy or pain in some way whoops

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not that i remember but ive gotten like. weird passive aggressive comments

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i write SO MUCH fade to black because writing smut is way too weird for me... like i get embarrassed just typing certain words LOL (reading it is another story...)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

no, not a fan

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

no!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!!! I love to collab with my friends and @zelzenik and i are literally an unstoppable force when we write together. when we combine our powers nothing can stop us

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

zelink obvi

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

probably my Post-SkSw fic for my Aftermath series . I have restarted this fic 3 times now and I just have no idea how I want to structure it, what I want the tone to be, things like that. Everything I put down never sounds right. Also I just don't have time lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue for sure.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Character's inner monologues and scene transitions, I think. I find inner monologues interesting, but I don't think I excel at making them interesting for the reader. I tend to give too much away. As for scene transitions, I find that when I write them they come out very short and rushed.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I usually don't do this because I'm just not a fan. in my world everyone in Hyrule speaks perfect American English lol. jk but kinda not. it's just not something I'm really thinking about when I write? and if I do include other languages, the main character(s) are usually oblivious to it and I don't include actual syntax. I'll just say "they muttered something in a different language" or something similar.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Super Mario. In Kindergarten. I made picture stories. LMFAOOOOO

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

love me and leave me to die this one probably. i worked super hard on it for zelink week 2023 and thought i presented some unique ideas. totk spoilers abound though lol

ok im tagging people now. but u all have probably been tagged already. sry @hyylia @zelzenik @nocturnalfandomartist and anybody else who would like to join in <3

[fitzrove]

Complaining about fanfic trends (the treatment of F/F vs M/M specifically). This will probably come off very petty. Also, related to smut, so mentions of explicit content ahead...

The corpus of fanfic borne out of the Goncharov meme is so telling to me re: a wider phenomenon that has bugged me for a long time. This is a fandom where it's 100% invented characters and invented storylines - all that is commonly agreed on is a rough list of characters, among whom are a F/F ship (Katya and Sofia) and a M/M ship (Andrey and Goncharov). There should be literally no difference in how the ships are treated - one set of characters is not written differently than the other in canon, because CANON HAS NEVER BEEN WRITTEN. But immediately, two very separate trends emerge in fic. Take a look at the stats on ao3:

Goncharov/Andrey (207 fics in total)

Katya/Sofia (257 in total)

For once, there are more F/F fics than M/M fics in a fandom. But yet, the proportion of mature and explicit works out of the entire corpus is totally different across the ships. For the M/M ship, mature works form 17,8% of the entire body; for F/F, it's 15,9%. For explicit fics it's 8,2% for the guys and 3,5% for the girls. A noticeable difference!

When you look closer at the tags, you will find that the M/M fic (especially the explicit stuff) deals with considerably heavier and kinkier stuff. You have BDSM, toxic relationships, lots of enemies to lovers. The F/F fic is mostly tenderness and yearning... (Also some threesomes with a guy as a third.) This also seems like a trend in the wider characterisation of the relationships in fic across the board as well as tumblr posts - A/G is an enemies to lovers relationship with a lot of passion and tension, while K/S is soft and tender.

... Which is completely okay! People write what they want, and evidently, the people hard at work writing fic (but in actuality worldbuilding and characterbuilding from scratch!) want to write the stuff I've described. It's not up to outsiders to police what others write, fanfic is a hobby.

BUT STILL. I'm fucking starving 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Why are the wlw ships in fandom always either 1) background decorations 2) soft, sweet and pure 3) not really focused on the relationship but rather wider angst related to trauma (and usually trauma related to men). (I know it isnt actually always like this - the Rebecca fandom for example is doing great ajfjkskd.)

Can't I just want to read about absolutely toxic women being horrible to one another all on their own 😭😭 Or idk, just something super kinky. It's so frustrating that the trends centered around wlw ships always lean in the same tender direction EVEN WHEN NOTHING IN CANON POINTS THAT WAY. The tenderness isn't even earned a lot of the time!!! They don't even almost die due to their own mistakes!!!!!! They just meet and are very sweet about it. And like, I get the appeal of such stories, and I even enjoy them, but it's so frustrating when you want to read something toxic and it doesn't exist. 🤣 I would write more myself but none of my fandoms have those ships prebuilt and genderbends don't necessarily find a broad audience. So I just write and read M/M and occasionally lose my mind over an awesome F/F fic if I can find one. 😅

[mhaynoot]

ch182

oh cheongryeo my little psychopath you really are a psycho

he's so red flag red flag im so in love alslkd i didnt expect a whole ass kidnapping scene but like damn thats good pay off considering the sprinkling of foreshadowing, building tension and bait with the fake de-escalating "im sorry" part

listen i like my ships as messy as possible. the more they bring out the worst in each other to the point it loops back into actually making them better is so Peak Ship Dynamic

warning: my opinions and some personal critiques on dod here

i think im gonna take a break on reading this though and just wait for manhwa updates instead because the novel is very ... slow? or maybe i should say its a bit too light hearted for me i dunno

i think it would have been a little more interesting if the other members of testar were also part of some other system or if there was just a lot more drama in genera. i dont know but considering what i know of irl kpop and the really messy fights that happened, the internal and interpersonal character conflicts here are just the slightest bit too tame for me personally and, while that isn't necessarily bad thing, its just not to my drama loving taste. also the external conflicts aren't all that spicy either to act as a counterbalance.

well tbh, i was already very worried when i saw the survival show format and the first debut or die mission because thats a very short term conflict. and the back to back missions, format and tension of the survival show is incredibly good for creating escalating high stakes and, combined with the death penalty, it has a natural development for consistently high tension and lots of potential drama and conflicts. and the novel hit those points very well. and while i think they definitely could have potentially made this arc a little longer and explore different aspects, it does end as a satisfactory first arc. but now there's the rest of the 600 chapter story which will have to match that level of tension. and so far i dont think it really has? at least until cheongryeo LMAO which is why i love him so much!! he makes things interesting and the novel isnt afriad to make him villainous and start shit up and do actual things that really fucks up moondae and has like some future consequences like oh no whats gonna happen to their relationship, whatll they do in the future when they meet, whats happening to the other members and their relo with this sunbae who they admired

i just feel the novel is really fluffy and light hearted for a death scenario concept. and even if it didn't want external conflicts to be too heavy, a way to keep the stakes might have been to shift focus onto interpersonal conflicts instead. like i really thought they'd continue to do that when the keun seijin and bae seijin arc happened. and then the chungwon arc too! but it feels like its been twenty small online conflicts in a row between them. i just want stuff with like actual group breaking, and potentially friendship destroying conflicts that they have to work through.

yes the testar members are wholesome and nice and they love moondae and...? that's about it right now for the last some chapters now. they dont have arguments, they dont even really properly talk to each other. i know moondae treats it like coworkers and professionalism but maybe bring up more of the other members perspectives. like i know we're in moondae's pov but like considering the consistent pov shifts, it wouldn't be too bad to at least make it so that we can flesh out the other members and their relationships with each other too?

but like what do i know?

maybe i should've seen moondae's easy rise to platnium and quick skill up as an indicator that this novel isn't really focused on drama and breaking the kneecaps of its mc like what i prefer. i dunno i just thought that was a bait or smth and things escalate hard later or smth HAHAH yeah i guess when i saw the death failure, i jumped to conclusions and thought this novel would be a really gritty one that might touch on and explore the messed up behind the scenes of kpop

[probably-haven]

after binge reading i have come to a new revelation: I’m not a fan of most Xiaoven fanfics

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ship and its one of my favorite to think about.... but most of the fanfiction for the ship just- doesn’t sit right with me for a number of reasons. 

Disclaimer: these are personal opinions from my own taste and are in no way an attack against any authors out there, because frankly fanfic authors are great and not like i could do better lol. As these are personal opinions, I acknowledge here and now that a number of people disagree and that they are under no obligation to change their opinions in any way as it is not and never will be my intention to tell others what they should be thinking That said- read at your own risk if you want- meh, anyway-

time to share some opinions that have been on my mind lately

The biggest reason.... is how they handle Xiao. And I don’t even mean mischaracterization because Xiao is such a complex and yet simultaneously simple character that as long as you’re somewhere in the range of “Xiao vibes” it’s really hard to write him out of character because of his complexities. What I mean is something that i actually completely agree with as being accurate to his character. In nearly every single fanfic I’ve seen, there is some element of idolization that Xiao has for Venti, or for the sake of reference, Barbatos. He tends to think himself beneath Barbatos and/or indebted to him, whether that be because he’s an archon, because he saved him, or simply because of Xiao’s tendency to dehumanize(yes i see the irony in that word usage) himself.  This by itself isn’t an issue but its often how this trait of his is treated.

Imma just list a few ways I’ve seen this be handled within Xiaoven fics. - It isn’t handled, it’s just there and accepted as a part of who he is in the story - It isn’t handled but his trait is treated as source of humor within the story - Venti(and others) roll with it (finding humor in it, just cant change it, encouraging it, making jokes about it, etc.) - Venti takes advantage of it(whether accidentally or purposely) - it’s actually addressed(by Venti or someone else or the narration- can go a number of ways, but just- even a brief reference to the fact that its not a good mindset fits in here) - savior!Venti(Where venti disagrees with it but the way it’s written gives off “god among mortals” vibes- like he’s just being humble and truly is above him in reality) - its the focus of the story  - not directly addressed but shown to be destructive.  - they chose not to not include this in the story’s characterization of Xiao(just saying that this is valid ahead of time) Theres others but i have a lot already.  Note that I tend to read more ‘serious-toned’(idk if that makes sense) fics so that may skew my perception

Now there’s a few that i have issues with on their own- both instances of it not being handled, Venti(and others) rolling with it, Venti takes advantage of it(purposely(and without good intent)), and savior!Venti. Xiao not only has this trait, but he is unfamiliar with what is normal in relationships or emotions as a result of isolation and inexperience. He is also either not aware of or not concerned with what is considered strictly “healthy.” Combining these makes for a rather dangerous combination and just accepting it as “oh he’s just like that, it’s who he is” or making it out to be something funny- It’s not wrong or bad by any means necessarily, and I could still possibly enjoy it to an extent depending on a series of different factors, but its- not as often.  Even in the case where I do enjoy reading it however, I would still feel uncomfortable sharing it with or recommending it to others because in the first instance it feels like normalizing a destructive and dangerous mindset, and in the second case it does the same while simultaneously making a joke of it. It’s the same deal with Venti or other characters rolling with it, but that’s probably gonna be mentioned later too. Not to say that this is a “wrong” way to handle it, that it makes the fic bad, or that authors even are normalizing anything by doing so, just that in my specific instance- not a fan. 

I’ll get to the others when i talk more about Venti, but for now: It’s the focus of the story. I think I saw like... 2? where the story was like- focused on this and why its a problem which- power to them, address those real world problems like a boss- but also i wouldn’t actively seek it out or anything- like, good job, but doing so just leaves it open neutrally for other factors to decide how good a story i think it is. 

not directly addressed but shown to be destructive. You’d think i wouldn’t like this- but frankly in fanfiction not everyone wants to address every character flaw verbally because it can through off story, narration, dialogue, and general flow to do so. This can be with an event, an action, a dialogue, a mere comment, making it actually fit into the it’s actually addressed category except that its- subtle enough to make its own category. plus i live for show not tell- in everything- its a thing. im- very much a fan of when the fics do this but the subtlety is easy to miss and its not common so- 

It’s actually adressed- doesnt have to be a lot- just mention anywhere or imply anywhere that maybe idolizing someone as a god and savior and being in a relationship with them while having little knowledge of standards, emotions, relationships, or healthy behaviors in general- maybe isnt the smartest idea in the word. (”Call me Venti, not Barbatos” by itself is not enough to fit in this category tho as a note)

-

Now lets talk about Venti...

uh.... those who have followed me for awhile will probably already know this but... I have a lot of opinions on Venti and a pretty- “niche(?)” perception of his characterization that isn’t shared by a lot of others- so I don’t actually read as much Venti fanfic in general as you might expect because I often end up disagreeing with how writers portray him, which again, in no way is their characterization wrong, but- “their perceived truth” conflicts with “my perceived truth” and by extent so does the characterization, though neither is any more correct than the other from an objective point of view, if that makes sense... but anyways now that that’s said, moving on before this becomes a philosophy lecture, as fun as that would be for me.  I’ll try to keep my “perceived truth” out of this for the first bit. 

Venti’s response to this: 

He rolls with it: this depends on the mood of the fanfiction. If they dont put a lot of stress on that trait of Xiao’s it totally fine but if the trait seems to be a major part of Xiao’s character, it seems like normalization once more. (more on this later)

he takes advantage of it purposely: if its an AU or something and Venti’s like a villain(i saw a few) then- villain venti isnt my cup of tea but i have no qualms. If they don’t portray Venti in a negative light while having him take advantage however that’s a bit uncomfortable to read for me because it feels like normalizing taking advantage of that mindset as well as the mindset itself. However, i did see a number of instances of Venti using it as leverage for like- self care- which i definitely have no qualms. Xiao: [insert probably destructive idolizing statement about being indebt] Venti: How bout you pay me back by actually sleeping for once smh or other variations are okay and depending on the vibe are actually a really fun dynamic as long as it doesnt turn into romanticizing or normalizing it, y’know?

Venti accidentally taking advantage of it.... I love angst- and in most of these theres a sense of guilt when he realizes- and i just think thats a lovely way of addressing the dangers of such a mindset for both sides. As long as it doesn’t keep repeating to the point of romanticization its totally cool to read in my eyes(not irl ofc). If Venti never realizes he accidentally took or is taking advantage it feels a bit like normalization, and if he does but just- doesn’t care thats- a rip.

savior!Venti...... i- i hate. the story giving off vibes that Xiao’s mindset is technically correct while Venti oh so humbly tells him to treat him as an equal like the wonderful and charitable person he is.... i just- no. of course thats over dramatizing it- I think the main thing that gives it this vibe is when Venti doesn’t seem either concerned, surprised, uncomfortable, or otherwise have a negative feeling towards Xiao’s mindset. Just- it makes the whole thing weird in my eyes when Venti doesnt really seem to have his own reason to oppose the mindset idk- 

-

fact time!

Venti is the god of freedom. His backstory is freeing Mondstadt from a god’s tyrannical reign. His origin is a windsprite, just another breeze bringing changes for the better. His form is a nameless boy who played an instrument and then died, thus failing at his only dream and only ever accomplishing anything because of the help of others. He slept for a thousand years after the archon war to avoid putting Mond under the rule of yet another tyrannical god. He only even became a god because Andrius chose to let him. He wouldn’t have even had that chance if the nameless bard had survived, he’d remain just another wind while his friend ascended to godhood. Venti sacrifices his own power for his people’s freedom. 

now that I’ve laid out a number of canon facts, time for opinions:

Venti has little to no desire to be seen as a god. He thrives in, comes from, and emphasizes a lack of superiority in quite nearly everything. The first Ragnvindir, who canonically turned his back on Venti after Decarabian’s fall, likely did so because one- he anticipated power would corrupt and Venti would soon become just another tyrannical god, two- he suspected Venti used the nameless bard in an attempt to rise to godhood, or three- idk insert other possibilities to acknowledge again that i could totally be wrong.

Look me in the eyes and tell me Venti wouldnt trade godhood for his friend in an instant. His godhood was only granted to him because his friend died and could easily serve to constantly remind him of what could have been and what he lost. Venti takes no enjoyment from being seen as superior and in my opinion, I feel that it could actually make him largely uncomfortable when his divinity and abilities as an archon get involved-

also self promotion for my favorite posts- check out #archon war era venti if thats interesting to you

so anyway Venti rolling with it or making jokes about it just doesn’t sit right with me.- 

-

Okay! enough talking about that mindset!

idk- i have... a few/lot of other gripes and stuff or just things that kinda throw off the vibe for me but that’s the main one plus my general personal pickiness when it come to Venti fanfics- but this has gotten long enough already- 

idk i just felt like rambling about it and i haven’t done a long post in a while so-

again, I love the ship and its actually one of my favorites- just the fanfic isnt my thing..... that doesn’t mean i don’t still love it and come up with a whole ton of brainrot and ideas on it tho lmao

[nikethestatue]

When we're being so critical when reading the books and look to make connections and find something to support our ship, I think most of the enjoyment automatically vanishes.

Plus the hate some characters get, wether it'ss justified or not, is extreme. Especially the hate for the main characters. IC, Feyre, Rhys.

People should stop reading if they can't deal what SJM writes. I'm not saying there isn't any toxic behaviour, but EVERYONE in this series has been toxic or a bad friend at some point.

In my mind, it's immature to not be able to understand that all of them are flawed and maybe SJM wanted her characters this way.

yeah....some takes that I've seen here are truly absurd.

Like I get liking certain characters more than others, that's fine, but having entire accounts dedicated to just hating the IC, or hating Nesta, or hating Elain--that's nuts.

You can issues with SJM's themes or writing, but obviously she doesn't necessarily have any problems with presenting her characters as they are.

I remember this whole ridiculous debate about Elain being 'racist' because she doesn't like Lucien. Not because she doesn't like Lucien. Period. But that she doesn't like him because he is POC or disabled or whatever.

Or. She just doesn't like Lucien--that could also be the case.

Or that Azriel is toxic and abusive, basically a stalker who tormented poor Mor for 500 years and is borderline a sex starved rabid animal who probably should be caged and never allowed near a woman.

Or that Feyre is a destructive force, who is also dumb and ruthless, selfish and illiterate, and who destroyed poor Tamlin's life and Court.

I think when you start getting that deep into your own head and create nonexistent problems which the author never even intended to happen then maybe find another series to read.

Yeah, I find inconsistencies and retcons in SJMs writing all the time--that doesnt take away from simple enjoyment of reading the books.

in all fantasy there are characters who are meant to be good, even if they are very gray, and who are meant to be bad, even if they are less gray.

Feyre is meant to be good. That's it.

if you are reading it differently and trying to psychoanalyze every decision that she made and turn it to something negative then the problem isnt with SJM, but you and your willful interpretation.

[kookingtae]

the equation of love (pt. 10)

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7 | pt 8 | pt 9 | pt. 10

professor yoongi x uni student reader

→scenario: When you met Yoongi in a club, you thought it was fate that brought the two of you together. But after you walked into your college math class for the very first time, you weren’t so sure anymore.

→genre: smut | fluff | angst

→word count: 10.5k

→a/n: alternatively: fuck it, it’s been five years and this wip has been staring at me for three of them, so im just gonna post it. i have not read this over since 2018, so pls dont judge me too harshly hhsdg it’s unedited and probably a bit cringy, but then again what ch of teol isnt? this is NOT all that i have planned for the series, but i figured something is better than nothing, right? and perhaps the saying better later than never applies here, too. maybe one day i’ll finally get around to finishing it (by then im sure no one will even be around to remember what teol is lmao) but until then, enjoy what ive been sitting on! and as always, if you’re still here, thank you for your endless patience and support with this series <3

→another a/n: after this will probably be an epilogue!

→tw: mentions of blackmail, r*pe and sexual assault (we mostly just get closure on the whole professor lee & jun situation!!)

→warning: this chapter is not a happy ending, but it’s not necessarily a BAD one either, so for those who don’t like to finish on an unhappy note, it’s up to you on whether you’d like to read it or wait for the epilogue to be posted!

Running water.

It was such a simple yet fascinating concept—atoms and molecules coming together to form the only substance on earth that has a natural state in all forms, while having the power to kill in three different ways. Solid, by hypothermia; liquid, by drowning; gas, by suffocation. This substance can take three different forms, yet it's most commonly a liquid, covering nearly 71% of the world with translucent bodies of water. Oceans, ponds, lakes—though the most enchanting of them all were rivers. They were always moving, crashing beyond rocks and bustling with the flow of the current and gravitational pull of the earth. Rivers were passionate, and strong, and no matter how hard one tried they couldn't break the whipping tide that was pushing against them. Nothing could cause the powerful force to falter.

But, like most things, even rivers must come to an end. The current stops flowing, and the waves stop breaking around the jagged rocks, and the powerful force that seemed it would never end dulls to a still, calm lull, as if the river was nothing more than a brief yet raging storm. All the passion, all the fight—over in a blink of an eye, left to dissipate into the mysteries of the vast ocean.

Staring down at the picture on the cell phone screen in front of me was like getting pulled by the current of a river; down, down, down I flowed until there was no river left around me and I was left stranded in the middle of the sea. Yoongi and I were once raging, and passionate, and ready to fight against anyone who tried to tear us down, but now the fight was over. We had been dragged too far, fading into a body of water that was not our own. This was bigger than us.

Yes, like the flow of a river, all things must come to an end.

"That's it," Yoongi gritted his teeth, and I felt the dip of the mattress beneath me as he rose to his feet in anger.

"Yoongi," I called his name in a warning tone, warily standing up from the bed and watching him move around the room. "What are you doing?"

"I'm over it," he said, hastily throwing the first articles of clothing he could grab from his drawers over his body. "I'm done dealing with all of this, Y/N! I'm going up to the school."

Despite the flare of determination that sparked in my heart at his words, his rage seeming to radiate off of him and onto me as well, I couldn't help the trepidation that I was also filled with; Yoongi didn't have a history of making rational decisions out of anger.

"Don't you think you should calm down first?" I offered, trying my best to match his pace around the room.

"No!" Yoongi suddenly skidded to a halt in front of me, his eyes wild and crazed. "I'm going to find her and I'm going to fucking kill her!"

I could only stand with a gaping mouth and watch as he stormed out of the room, leaving me with no choice but to pull on my old clothes and chase his stomping foot steps. He grabbed his keys before storming out of the apartment, down the stairs, and outside into the parking lot. I tried to ignore the blindingly bright sunlight as I squinted my eyes and continued after him.

"Follow me up to the school," Yoongi barked as he hopped into his car.

"Yoongi–" I started, but my consoling voice was cut off by the slam of his door. I frowned, scrambling to unlock my vehicle as his engine roared to life.

The drive to the university was a nerve-wracking one. I kept a watchful eye on Yoongi to make sure he wasn't speeding or swerving all over the road; they say you're not supposed to operate a vehicle while you're upset. Though it would seem my efforts were futile, because he did in fact speed and swerve, and all I could do was frown and try to keep up.

It wasn't that I wasn't angered by Professor Lee; I was furious, rage and disgust and frustration all stewing inside of me like a pot of water that was ready to boil over. But I just couldn't help but worry for Yoongi. I had always been the non-confrontational type, always hoping that with a little time things would get better if they were ignored long enough. But it would seem that my method was proven inefficient today, because as much as I had tried to ignore her antics, that wicked woman wouldn't stop at anything to make sure Yoongi and I were properly dragged through the mud and going down like a ship engulfed in flames. Yet as much as that angered me, I couldn't bare the thought of the turmoil it was causing Yoongi. I didn't know when I had started casting my own feelings aside and putting his above—it was a gradual thing rather than one, defining moment—but it was only another factor that proved how much I actually loved this man. And that very thought instilled a fear that shook me to the very bone.

We had a lot more to lose now than just his job and my education. We could be losing us. And that was more important now than it had ever been before.

Once we arrived at the university there were a lot of screeching brakes, messy parking and fumbling hands as I scrambled to catch up to his looming figure that seemed to stalk towards the building at an unnatural pace. The pounding of my heavy heartbeat was what drove me forward, anxiety rising with each quickened step that I took.

"Yoongi!" I yelled once I had lessened the distance between us, now dead center on the campus sidewalk. "Yoongi, wait!"

All of a sudden he whirled around, his abrupt halt causing me to crash straight into his chest. I let out a yelp in surprise, eyes wide and ready to interrogate him, before I felt the smooth curvature of his palms on either side of my face as he tilted my head up to his and slammed his mouth onto mine.

The world stopped spinning for a moment, everything around me fading into the motions of his plush skin, his soft lips exploding with flavor and spilling over my tastebuds, satisfying my thirst in a way that no water ever could. I didn't even question it for a second before I was melting into him, quite literally becoming putty in his hands as the rest of the world instantaneously escaped my mind.

It's funny the way that worked—the way he was able to completely erase everything that had once existed in the blink of an eye, just by his simple touch. Whether it was magic, or I was just that fucking whipped, I didn't know. But either way, I didn't possess the power to stop it even if I wanted to.

When Yoongi finally broke away, he was breathing heavily, his breath fanning across my face in cool puffs of air. "I don't care what anyone thinks anymore," he spoke onto my lips, his forehead pressing against mine with a firm force. "Let them see. The only thing I care about is you."

It was then that I was suddenly aware of our surroundings, the reality of our world crashing down around me as I glanced around at all the eyes watching us. It varied; there were those choosing to spare us a glance as they walked to and from their classes, those who stalled their current actions to lift their heads to us not once, not twice, but three times, and then there were those who stopped altogether, their widened eyes and slackened jaws dead giveaways that they knew exactly who Yoongi was: Professor Min, Algebra 101 instructor.

A stroke of his thumb across my cheek brought my attention back to him; I stared up into his eyes, the desperate look in them captivating me and making it impossible to look away. His chest was rising and falling beneath his shirt, his fingers were grappling at my face as he brushed my wisps of hair out of the way, silently begging me to understand, to agree with him.

And in that moment, I knew what I had to do.

My lungs were filled with a breath of newfound determination, dazed and driven by Yoongi's words and embrace. "I love you," I spoke with conviction, caressing the nape of his neck as if to give him more reassurance. "Let's go.”

With that I grabbed his hand, holding my head high for the rest of the campus to see as I started up Yoongi's stride towards the school's building. He was right beside me, weaving his fingers through mine and giving my hand an extra squeeze as if to say that he was here, that he was proud to let the world know that I was his and he was mine, and that he wasn't going anywhere.

We were going to take down Professor Lee.

The seminar room was empty of students when we stormed in. Seats were placed throughout the floor, papers were scattered on the desks, and Professor Lee was at the front of the room, fiddling with the cords from the projector screen.

At the sound of the door opening, her head snapped up. "Well well well, look what we have here," she smirked when she saw us, making no plans to move as she saw me marching over to her. "You know, I really don't think–"

Slap!

The impact of my palm to her face cut off her words, skin on skin contact crackling through the room and echoing into a deafening silence.

Professor Lee gasped, immediately grasping where a red mark was now forming on her cheek before looking up at me with wild eyes. "You just slapped me!" She cried in disbelief.

"You're damn right I did," I gritted my teeth, taking a threatening step towards her and raising my palm. "Want me to do it again?"

It was then that I felt Yoongi's hand on my back, the feeling having an instant calming effect over my senses whether he wanted it to or not. I sighed before visibly relaxing and lowering my hand.

"You're barbaric!" Professor Lee was foaming at the mouth, still holding her face with a slack jaw. "Are you forgetting that I'm a professor? When Dr. Kim finds out about this, I swear he'll–"

"Tell him!" I roared as loud as my vocal chords would let me. "Tell whoever, tell the whole world, I don't fucking care! I'm done with your bullshit, you selfish psychotic witch!"

With that I gave her one final shove against her shoulders, and when both of her hands flew out to grab ahold her surroundings in an effort to keep from falling over, I planted another slap right across her face. The impact stung my hand, but I didn't care. Seeing Professor Lee stumble through the air was worth it.

"Baby," Yoongi spoke in a gentle yet warning tone next to me, and I had almost forgotten he was there until I felt his grip slightly tighten around my waist. It was a comforting hold, as if to say he completely trusted and supported whatever I chose to do in this situation, but still a protective hold nonetheless. He wanted to make sure I wasn't going to get myself hurt.

"You know, what is your problem, exactly?" I tilted my head at her as she struggled to get her bearings straight. "Is there an actual reason you're doing all of this, or are you just mentally insane?"

"It–it's not right!" Professor Lee stuttered with wide eyes, raising a shaky finger to point at me and Yoongi. "Your relationship, it's–"

"Oh cut the bullshit, Sara," Yoongi let out a sound of disgust from beside me. "We all know that's not why."

"I... I..." she stumbled for words, wide eyes glancing back and forth between the two of us. "Who do you guys think you are? You can't just storm in here and start attacking me–"

I took a menacing step forward, pure rage making up for what I lacked in intimidation. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I fumed, reaching out to grab her again.

"No, please!" She suddenly cowered before I could get to her, shielding her head away from me with her arms. "I—Yoongi, I'm in love with you!"

Her confession sent me reeling backwards in a downwards spiral, my body instantly going limp as I watched her with a dumbfounded expression. A vast silence echoed throughout the room that could be cut with a knife before she finally spoke again.

"Ever since you started working here, I knew you were the one. I just knew it." Her voice was sad, exhausted now, and a look of defeat washed over her features.

"What?" Yoongi gaped in disbelief. "Sara, that was two years ago!"

"I know!" She spat harshly. "You don't think I know that? For two years, I had to deal with this silly crush I had on you. I had to spend every day with you, watching it bloom into love overtime, and there was nothing I could do about it."

"You could've just told me!" Yoongi exclaimed as if that was the obvious answer.

Professor Lee snorted humorlessly. "Yeah, and be made a fool of? No thanks." She lowered her eyes to the ground.

"Sara, we're grown adults. You could've acted like one and fucking said something to me about it, made a move, anything but drag my career under the bus!" Yoongi's voice was strained now, his eyes wide as if silently begging her to understand him while he was equally trying to understand her.

"I was going to!" She lashed out again while whipping her head up towards him. "I was working up the courage to ask you out on a date, and then I see that fucking slut on your lap and I–"

"Don't you dare call Y/N that," Yoongi suddenly growled, pushing past me and stepping towards her intimidatingly. "One more thing out of your mouth about her and I swear to god I will kill you right here, right now."

My breath hitched in my throat at his threat and I couldn't help but weave my arm around his to grab his hand, intertwining our fingers and squeezing tightly. He gripped mine back even tighter, as if he was desperately trying to latch onto whatever calming effect I seemed to have over him.

Professor Lee swallowed, choosing to stay silent and watch him carefully as jagged breaths rose and fell from her chest. "The point is," she continued on, "I saw you with someone else—someone who wasn't me. And that completely tore my heart to shreds."

"So the only solution is to ruin our lives," I chimed in sarcastically.

"I may not have gone about it the best way," she quickly gritted her teeth and shot me a glare before turning her attention back to Yoongi, "but I had to act on instinct. I still wanted to be with you, so I figured that maybe if I split the two of you up, you would have no one else to turn to but me."

Yoongi just stared at her, his face scrunched up in a mix of confusion and disgust. "Do you know how sick and twisted that is?" He asked.

"All I ever wanted was to be with you, Yoongi," she pleaded, her tone vulnerable now as she took a tentative step towards him and started to raise her hand up to caress his cheek. "I still do. It's not too late; we can leave now, just you and me and forget this whole thing–"

"Don't fucking touch me," he knocked her hand away with his forearm just before it could reach his face. "If you think I'm going anywhere with you, you're even crazier than I thought." He then stepped back to wrap his arm around my waist and pull me securely into his side. "I'm in love with Y/N, and I don't give a shit what rumors you or anyone else wants to spread about it. You're fucking pathetic."

At that moment there was the sound of a door bursting open, causing the three of us to turn our attention to the entrance of the room. There, standing in the doorway, was Dr. Kim.

The sight of him immediately deflated the elation I was feeling from Yoongi's words, instantly replacing them with a sense of anxiety and fear that lodged its way into my throat until I was sure I would die from suffocation. This was it; according to the text from Professor Lee, he had already seen the picture of me and Yoongi kissing. This was the moment that would decide our future forever.

I just hoped we had enough evidence against Professor Lee for him to take our side.

"So let me get this straight." Dr. Kim folded his hands on the dark oak wood of his office desk. "Professor Min and Y/N had relations before Y/N became a student here, while Yoongi was unaware of her age?"

"Yes sir," Yoongi nodded his head in assurance.

"And then you continued your relationship, even after finding out that she was your student."

"He didn't at first," I interjected in hopes of getting some of the heat off of Yoongi. "He tried to call it off, but I kept pushing it. The reason we got back together during school was my fault, not his."

Yoongi's eyes met mine from the chair next to me, his gaze seeming to hold the words that silently spoke that's not true, and I instantly knew what he was thinking. In actuality, he had been the one to give me after-school tutoring on that Saturday during the homecoming football game, not I. He had been the one to kiss me first that day. But there was no way in hell I would ever tell that to the dean.

"I don't care whose fault it is; all that matters is that it happened," Dr. Kim frowned. "And it's still happening if I'm not mistaken, correct?"

"I... um," my eyes flickered to Yoongi, every fiber of my being starting to fill with panic. Shit, we should've discussed this beforehand. I wasn't going to willingly rat Yoongi out, no matter how many times he's said he didn't care anymore if people knew about us.

Suddenly I felt the warm, soft sensation of skin wrapping around the curvature of my hand that was resting atop the wooden armrest. "Yes, it's still happening," Yoongi spoke, and then his fingers were intertwining with mine.

I practically choked on my own spit at his words; did this boy have a death wish? A cough came sputtering out of my lungs, the sound causing everyone in the room to look at me until I'd settled down. Even Professor Lee leaned forward from her seat on the other side of Yoongi, bewilderment written all over her expression as she gave me a look of disgust.

"Well there's your proof right there." She threw her hands up in defeat before gesturing to the two of us. "What more do you need? Expel them, Dr. Kim."

"B–but that's not it!" I suddenly exclaimed and lurched forward, feeling the heat of everyone's stare on our embraced hands, which in turn only made me grip him even harder for support. "Dr. Kim, you have to believe me when I tell you that Professor Lee has worked hard to make my life a living hell ever since I got to this school. She had a vendetta against me; she's in love with Yoongi, and so she–"

"That's not true!" Professor Lee screeched.

"She worked to turn people against us rather than coming to you because she wanted to blackmail Yoongi into being with her," I ignored her interjection and continued. "She even made a seminar about it—the mandatory seminar that everyone attended today!"

The dean turned his attention towards her. "The seminar about the importance of practicing safe sex?" He questioned in bewilderment.

My eyes practically bulged out of my head at his words; that's what she was telling everyone it was about?

"It was!" She scrambled in defense. "I mean I... I may have brought up Yoongi and Y/N as an example, but that's only because they fit the part! Y/N had a pregnancy scare not too long ago, and I didn't want the same thing to happen to our students!"

I felt the color draining from my face, blanching it a stone cold white and decimating any feeling I had left in my body.

How the fuck did she know about the pregnancy?

My head instantly whipped towards Yoongi to see if he had any logical explanation for this, and his face was as poised and stoic as ever in front of his two colleagues—but I could see through it. I knew him well enough to catch onto the slightest falter in his blinking, the increase in heat that collected between our palms, the small twitch of his mouth that would've gone unnoticed by anyone else who observed him. I knew there was no way he could've told Professor Lee about the pregnancy, because he was just as blindsided as I was.

Dr. Kim simply raised his eyebrows in interest before turning back to Yoongi and me.

"Dr. Kim," Yoongi spoke, his voice dripping with amusement, "I mean no disrespect, but do you honestly think that if Y/N had a pregnancy scare, we would tell Sara about it? Come on; not after all she did to us."

"They—they didn't tell me!" Professor Lee huffed out a desperate breath. "I overheard them while I was–"

"While you were what?" I interrupted with a raise of my eyebrow. "While you were spying on us to find any blackmail you could use on Yoongi?"

"N–no!" She stuttered, though at this point it was obvious that she was making up lies on the spot. "While I was walking past the classroom!"

"Why would we be talking about that with the door open?!"

"Enough!" Dr. Kim barked, his deep voice rumbling throughout the small office. We all grew silent as we turned our attention to him. "There will be no arguing of he said/she said in my office," he scolded, then turned his attention to Yoongi before speaking. "I understand that there was someone you wanted me to see?"

Yoongi, who had remained calm during all of this, simply nodded his head before releasing my hand. "Yes, sir," he said as he stood up and walked towards the door.

My eyebrows were knitted in confusion as I watched it all transpire: the words exchanged between the two men, Yoongi rising out of his seat, the sight of my biology professor being revealed behind the closed door. The whole thing came as a surprise to me, and my emotions seemed to be having a war between the shock and relief that I felt raging like a storm in the pit of my stomach.

Why didn't Yoongi tell me about Professor Park being involved in this discussion? When did he have time to ask her to come? Did it even matter at this point?

"Professor Park," Dr. Kim widened his eyes, his frame physically reclining back in his seat. "I'm surprised to see you here."

"As am I to be here," she smiled though her voice was venomous, eyes flashing to a very alarmed Professor Lee.

"Mia?!" The woman barked in disbelief at her friend's entrance. "What are you doing here?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago," Professor Park replied, and with that she turned towards the dean and opened her mouth to speak.

"I'm here to testify on the behalf of Min Yoongi and Y/N."

Earth-shattering elation rippled through me from the inside out, starting at the base of my toes and spiraling to the top of my head and the tips of my fingers, causing them to tingle and buzz with a newfound sense of hope. We might actually have a chance!

"What?!" Professor Lee's voice ripped through the air in a deafening screech. "This isn't a court case! You don't get to play witness!"

"Actually, if Professor Park has witnessed anything, I would definitely like to know," Dr. Kim chimed in, raising an eyebrow towards my biology professor.

Professor Park nodded her head towards him in appreciation before speaking. "A few months ago Sara approached me in my classroom to tell me about the nasty rumors that were surrounding her and a student. She singled the student out, saying to purposely damage their grades because they were treating her unfairly and disrespecting her rules and authority as a professor; she even went so far as to say that they were sending her death threats"

"What?!" The word ripped from my throat faster than I could blink as I stared jaw-dropped at the women in the room.

"That's not true!" Professor Lee instantly protested as expected. "Sir, I can assure you that I never–"

"I have the text messages if you want," Professor Park offered in a tone so nonchalant one would've thought she was conversing about the weather.

Dr. Kim raised an eyebrow. "Text messages? I thought you said she came by your class?"

"She did, sir." Mia interlaced her fingers in front of her and bowed her head politely. "We spoke about it on multiple occasions. I asked why she wouldn't just go to you, or even the authorities if the student was making death threats, but Sara was adamant. She didn't want any scandals revolving around her so that she could maintain the level of professionalism that she had developed here."

I heard a snort coming from next to me, and it was with a swollen heart of pride that I realized the sound came from Yoongi trying to hold in a laugh.

Professionalism? Her? I had never heard anything so far fetched in my life.

Sara simply glared as Mia ignored him and continued. "She assured me that the best way to deal with this pesky student was to slowly start to fail them, and I'll admit, I was angry for her. Sara was my friend, and I respected her enough to believe what she was telling me and follow her requests." She turned her head to where I sat on the other side of Yoongi. "That student was you, Y/N. And I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the way I handled things. You were treated unfairly and poorly due to false information."

"It wasn't false!" Professor Lee jumped in to defend herself, but everyone was pretty much ignoring her. Even the dean could tell she was playing the part of the boy who cried wolf at this point.

"I'd like to see those text messages, if you don't mind." Dr. Kim reached his hand out expectantly.

There was a brief moment of silence while Professor Park nodded and tapped away on her phone before handing it to him. His cold and calculated eyes scanned the screen while saying nothing, all three of us waiting with bated breath for him to come to a decision in his mind.

There was no where left for her to run. With these text messages, all the constant denying that Professor Lee has done will be proven false and she will be exposed for all the hell she's put me through this semester. My heart was practically bursting at the thought.

"Well I would've appreciated it if you ladies had come to me with this information instead of handling it amongst yourselves, true or not," Dr. Kim finally sighed before giving Sara his full attention. "Ms. Lee, you have three people accusing you. Even if you didn't do it, there's obviously something that's turning them against you. And here at this university we strive to hold cooperation and communication above all else. If you don't get along with the fellow staff here, then why should I believe that they're the problem and not you?"

"Um, because Min Yoongi is fucking his student?!" Professor Lee was fuming now, her upper body lurching forward in her seat and her hands gripping the arm rests for dear life. "He literally just admitted to it!"

"Language, Ms. Lee," Dr. Kim scolded calmly. "I still like to maintain a professional attitude here in my office."

"I apologize sir, but that's beside the point." She was sitting back in her seat now, though her tone was no less frantic. "Min Yoongi is in a relationship with his student, and staff cooperation or not, I don't really think that's in the teacher handbook." She raised a snarky eyebrow at us as if believing that she had finally won.

I knitted my eyebrows, my palms feeling slick with a nervous sweat against Yoongi's as I realized the bigger problem here. It wasn't whatever lies and schemes Professor Lee had cooked up with my biology teacher; it wasn't even Professor Lee herself. It was the fact that Yoongi and I were in a relationship, and that was going to have enough consequences alone to shake me to my very core with fear.

"She's right," Dr. Kim uttered the words that I was silently hoping he wouldn't say, my grip tightening on Yoongi as I anticipated whatever outcome he's decided. Our fate was in his hands.

"Of course I am." Professor Lee crossed her arms and sat back in her seat with a smug grin.

"I'm afraid I have no choice." He was shaking his head, frowning at us apologetically though the sentiment didn't reach his eyes. "Mr. Min, I am sorry to inform you that you will have to be forced to resign from our university."

The color instantly drained from my face, and with it pulling all five senses that I have into the depths of the earth until I couldn't see, couldn't hear, couldn't speak—I could barely even breathe. There was a lump that was forming in my throat and settling deep within my gut, all of this feeling fake, too fake to be real.

Yoongi was fired, and it was all because of me.

"I understand, sir."

It was Yoongi's words that were pulling me from my fog of disbelief and devastation, my eyes blinking in an effort to snap back to reality as I looked from him to the dean. "No. No, there has to be something we can do, please!" I begged, my voice starting to get frantic the more the severity of the situation hit me. "I–I'll drop out! You don't have to worry about me ever coming near here again, just please, please don't fire him!"

"Y/N..." Yoongi's voice was quiet and full of resignation, defeat, but I wasn't giving up.

"Yoongi is an amazing professor who has worked here for, what, two years? He's extraordinary at what he does and students love him. It's not easy to find a professor like that everyday." I was staring into the eyes of the dean now, trying to move him with my words. "You shouldn't throw away someone as great as him just because of some stupid 18 year old's mistake! Please, Dr Kim." I leaned forward in my seat, the room silent as I spoke. "He wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for me. Please, let me suffer the consequences, not him."

I continued to stare in Dr. Kim's eyes, silently channeling my emotions through the pleading expression in my eyes, and it wasn't until I felt a comforting hand on my back that I was instantly drawn away into a more calm state in my chair. I gazed over at the owner of the hand, and he flashed back that smile I loved except it was sad, and it didn't reach his eyes, and I could tell there was so much he wanted to say to me right now if we weren't in the confinement of his boss' office.

"I understand your efforts, Y/N, but there's nothing I can do." Dr. Kim shook his head, and it was as if the world around me was shattering into blades of glass, scraping at my skin and leaving bloody wounds that I knew would never heal. "Mr. Min was involved in this relationship as well, and no matter whose fault it is, the professor needs to be held accountable. There is a level of professionalism and maturity that he must possess in order to work here; he's your superior, a respectable authority figure, and so he should've known better."

It was all I could do to keep from crying as I lowered my eyes and shook my head, every inch of my heart breaking for Yoongi until all that was left were tiny fragments to scatter in the wind. I couldn't believe I'd done this to him. The very thing he'd been worried about from the start—I had ruined his career.

"It is our goal as a university to see our students succeed," he continued, though I could barely hear a thing. "As for you, Y/N, I see no reason as to why you shouldn't keep attending this university."

I blinked a few times, confused. "You want me to... what?"

"You will have a suspension on your student records, mind you, and one more of those will lead to expulsion," he explained. "Though that doesn't mean that you can't keep going to school here. You will have to meet with an advisor every two weeks, though, who will be keeping a close watch on your behavior."

I could barely even believe my ears; had my hearing been completely lost due to the shock of the situation? "That's totally a double standard!" I gestured to Yoongi in disbelief.

"Y/N, it's okay..." Yoongi tried to calm me down.

"No, it's not okay!" I roared, eyes wide and brows furrowed in disbelief as I glanced at him before turning back to the dean. "Where do you think you can get off by treating people like this? This is his career—his life!"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Y/N," Dr. Kim bellowed in a stern voice as he frowned. "I'm doing you a favor here by letting you continue your education. Speak out against me one more time and I will be revoking that offer."

His words were deafening throughout the office; it was suddenly understandable why he was so feared by those who worked under him. Yoongi started to run his hand along my spine in a soothing manner, and though it helped relax my fiery nerves and clear my foggy mind, I was still just as upset—if not more, now that the information was beginning to settle in.

"So that's it then?" Professor Lee spoke for the first time in a while, her lips pressed into a firm line, obviously disappointed by the turn of events though she didn't dare to speak out against Dr. Kim as he had warned. "Yoongi gets fired and Y/N gets a free ride?"

"Not so fast, Ms. Lee." The dean turned to her. "What you did was beyond unprofessional. You violated several school policies as well as bullied a student! Do you think that type of behavior is acceptable as a professor?"

Professor Lee opened her mouth as if to protest before slowly shutting it again, realizing that she had nothing left that she hadn't already denied. It was obvious that the evidence given to him by Professor Park, who stood silent in the corner of the room, was incriminating enough to sway his decision.

"I'm sorry to have to inform you that you will be fired as well."

"What?!" Her shrill voice screeched through the air, tearing whatever I had left of my eardrums and rendering me deaf here in this office. "What I did was no where near as bad as Yoongi and Y/N!"

"If anything, it was worse." Dr. Kim folded his hands over his desk. "Let's not forget that you managed to involve the entire student body in a false seminar that maliciously exposed one of our students and professors," he raised an eyebrow at her, "and that was just today."

"Yeah, not to mention all the other shit you did behind my back to make my life a living hell," I couldn't help from interjecting in a heated tone, though I backed off upon seeing the dean's stern gaze.

He redirected his attention back to Sara. "Here at this university, we strive to have a professional relationship, safe environment, and healthy lifestyle for our students. Neither of you achieved those three goals, so both of you will have to be let go."

Yoongi's expression simply remained placid and free of any emotion while Professor Lee's reaction was practically visceral, though neither spoke a word as heavy silence fell over the small office.

"Am I... am I still needed, sir?" It was Professor Park whose voice broke through the tension, everyone having forgotten she was there in the midst of the emotion-filled chaos. "Because if not, then I'm going to go."

"No, I'm just about finished here." Dr. Kim let out a sigh, as if what just transpired had been hard on him out of all people in the room. My blood boiled just looking at him, though I know I had to learn when to speak out and when to bite my tongue as Yoongi had taught me.

"Dr. Kim, is there any way you can reconsi–"

"That will be enough from you, Ms. Lee," his booming voice interrupted the frantic professor. "I've said all that I need to say on the matter. I'm not changing my mind."

"Dr. Kim?" I spoke up just as Professor Lee and Professor Park were getting ready to walk out the door. "I–I have something else to tell you. Un-related to this," I threw in when I saw him throw a glance in Lee's direction.

The man sighed before waving them out, leaving his office empty of visitors other than me and Yoongi in the chairs. I wasn't going to let that boy go anywhere.

"Y/N, I'm sorry that the outcome isn't exactly what you wanted but I'm afraid there's nothing I can–"

"Choi Junwoo tried to rape me," I blurted out.

There was a moment's pause as the dean was stunned silent with wide eyes, and out of my peripheral vision I could see Yoongi tense up and inhale sharply next to me.

"W–what–"

"Choi Junwoo," I spoke slowly for him so that he'd understand, "a student here at this university, tried to rape me at a frat party."

I couldn't leave the office without saying it. I couldn't leave the office without telling him. This wasn't just about me or the turmoil or trauma he caused; this was for every other girl in the future who might be a victim of Jun. Though in my heart I truthfully believed he was a good person, and that he really was just intoxicated beyond belief that night, it was still no excuse. If he had rape-tendencies while he was drunk and I didn't speak out about it, then I would be no better when it came to helping other sexual assault victims.

"Are you sure–"

"I found them at the party while he was mid-act," Yoongi jumped in, probably figuring he was already fired so there was nothing left for him to lose when it came to revealing details about our relationship outside of school. "It was... disgusting. I got her out of there immediately, but not before punching that bastard in the face."

"Metaphorically, of course!" I couldn't help but chime in, not wanting an assault charge to be on his record as well.

Thankfully Dr. Kim simply brushed off that minuet detail in favor for the more important issue at hand. "Y/N, what you're telling me will ruin this student's future. Are you absolutely sure you want to file this?"

Despite the anger that swelled up inside of me from him questioning my accusation, I still couldn't help the little trickle of doubt that crept in as I considered his words. At one point, Jun had been a friend... maybe even a potential lover had Yoongi not been in the picture. Dr. Kim was right, this information could potentially ruin his reputation, his education, his record... was I ready to carry the weight of knowledge that I've ruined someone's life forever?

"What are you talking about? Of course!" Yoongi spat an answer before I even had a chance to finish my thoughts. "She told you what happened, didn't she? Why would she speak out about something like this if she was making it up?"

"Maybe a personal vendetta?" The dean shrugged his shoulders. "People will do crazy things for revenge."

Now that got me heated. "The only one who wanted revenge here was Junwoo!" I stood up from my seat to yell. "He liked me and was mad that I turned him down. As if I owed my feelings to him or something! And when I told him no, he forced himself on me?! Is that really the type of message you want to send at this college? You know, since you're so high and mighty on "cooperation"," I did air quotes of sarcasm around my last words, my ears practically steaming with boiling rage.

"We will come out about this story, by the way," Yoongi added in, his voice full of venom. "And how will that look if you tried to keep us silent?"

"You can forget about me attending this university," I hissed.

"Alright, alright, settle down, the both of you," Dr. Kim lowered his hands in a calming manner. "I was not suggesting I buy your silence or anything of that nature. I was simply making sure you wanted to go through with this."

"Yes," Yoongi and I both answered in unison.

The dean nodded his head before clasping his hands together. "Alright."

The rest of the time in the office with spent filling on paperwork on a claim against Junwoo. I'd been given the option to be kept in the loop or even present when everything went down, though I politely declined. I wanted nothing more to do with that boy.

Though it would seem Professor Lee didn't share the same sentiment when it came to me, because as soon as soon as the two of us walked hand in hand into the hallway and Dr. Kim's door was securely shut, she sprung into action.

"You bitch!" She shrieked, not wasting another second as she leaped through the air and onto my body like a crouched tiger that was waiting for the right moment to attack. I felt the pressure of her weight against my chest and the sting of her nails scraping against my cheek, and before I knew it I was stumbling down, down onto the ground with another vicious blow to my jaw that was accompanied by her fist.

It all happened within a matter of seconds, but it wasn't long until I heard Yoongi yell Sara! and then her weight vanished just as quickly as it had appeared.

All I could do was stare with wide eyes as Yoongi slammed her shoulders back against the wall, though it was the look in his eyes that caught my attention. I had seen that expression before.

He was about to throw a punch.

"Yoongi, stop!" I cried, summoning all the strength I possessed to push myself to my feet and stumble over to the pair.

Yoongi whipped his head towards me with exasperated, almost wild eyes and his brows knitted in confusion and disbelief. "Y/N, she attacked you!"

"She isn't worth it," I spoke firmly in an attempt to get through to him. "Yoongi, just let it go. She isn't worth the trouble anymore."

It was when I placed a soothing hand against his back that Yoongi finally sighed, his stance visibly relaxing and his hands dropping from Professor Lee's shoulders. "She's right," he spit in a low, venomous tone as he turned back to her and grit his teeth. "Thanks to Dr. Kim, you already got what you deserve."

"Yoongi," there were sudden sobs that were tearing through the hallway, and it took me a moment to realize that Professor Lee was now... crying.

"Yoongi," she continued as she clung onto his shoulders. "Yoongi, I loved you!"

Somewhere deep inside of me, past all the burning hatred for what this woman has done to my life out of pure jealousy, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for her. This was once me, heartbroken over the effects of unrequited love. Yoongi was a very sought-after man, I'd come to realize, and it wasn't about my feelings or Professor Lee's or anyone else's. It was about his.

"Sara," Yoongi sighed, and there was almost a wince in his tone from how hard he was trying to make her understand. "It's over."

"W–what?" The woman was scrambling now. "It doesn't have to be! We can go back to the way things were–"

"There never was a ‘we’!" He ripped her hands from his shoulders. "We were friends, and then you sabotaged my career and Y/N's education. You never once spoke out about your feelings, came forward, handled things like adults," he stressed the last line. "You never once did any of those things! Instead you belittled another woman and cost yourself your job all for a man—someone who until now, was your friend." Yoongi sighed again and shook his head. "I hope you get the help you need, Sara. I'm sure there is someone out there who will love you unconditionally... but that person is not me."

And with that, he put a gentle hand on my back and we walked away.

“Oh my god.”

Those were the first words out of my mouth the second we exited the building, my hands resting on my head in disbelief as I turned to Yoongi. “Holy shit, Yoongi–“

“Shhh,” he instantly consoled me, his arms engulfing me in a comforting hug and my face tucking underneath his chin as he held me close. “We did it, Y/N. It’s all over.”

I stayed in his embrace for a few moments as his words sunk in. It was all over. No more secrets, no more Professor Lee—no more anything.

“B–but your job...” I pulled away to look up at him with a shaky tone, my brows furrowed in concern. “Dr. Kim fired you, he–“

“I resigned, Y/N. There’s a difference.”

“Is there?” I couldn’t help but look up at him with a hopeless expression.

Yoongi simply nodded his head, the picture of nonchalance as if his career hadn’t just changed forever. “Yes. If I had gotten fired, it would look terrible on my resumé should I apply for another teaching position. However, given the circumstances of our arrangement...” he paused, no doubt thinking of Professor Lee, “I suppose he decided to take it easy on us all.”

My shoulders deflated in relief. “Well thank god for that...” I sighed, not even wanting to think of what could’ve happened if Dr. Kim had given us the harshest punishment. In an ironic, twisted way, I suppose I have Professor Lee to thank for that. If she wouldn’t have made my life a living hell, it would’ve been that much worse if Dr. Kim ever found out on his own.

“But none of that even matters to me right now,” Yoongi suddenly snapped, and then in the time it took me to raise an questioning eyebrow he had already grabbed both sides of my face and rammed his lips into mine, the same as he did before we went inside to confront Professor Lee.

Only this time, the kiss was different. It didn’t hold promises and potential; it held freedom. It held the success of finally getting through everything by the skin of our teeth, the relief and the pride and the pure love that we have for each other after overcoming everything that we’ve been through together. I kissed him and I didn’t care who saw—because he wasn’t my professor anymore. There were no invisible chains that bounded us apart. It was just me and him sticking together against all odds. Never in my life did I think I would ever be a part of a relationship so committed, so passionate, so determined. He and I would never stop fighting for each other.

“I love you, Min Yoongi,” I murmured against his mouth with a grin on my features that was hard to disguise—especially when I felt the corners of his lips pull up into that gummy smile that I adored with all of my heart.

“God, I love you too, Y/N,” he replied back with a content sigh, and then he continued to kiss me on the busy campus sidewalk until we were both breathless and blue in the face.

Because we now had nothing to lose.

Despite finally being released from the clutches that school had on us, the days following the meeting with Dr. Kim were not easy.

Other than having to put on a fake smile and continue attending a university where practically everyone knew about my relationship with now-former Professor Min (my mother would never let me drop out—not that I could ever tell her the reason I'd want to, anyways), there were the stresses that Yoongi was dealing with of now being unemployed. And what with all but abandoning my dorm room to instead spend my nights with him at his apartment, it was impossible to not feel the weight of his problems on my shoulders as well. No matter how many times Yoongi tried to put up a façade and reassure me that he was okay, I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault.

"If I just never would've made you dance with me at that club..." I'd say at times, unable to keep from tracing back each and every one of our interactions and blaming myself.

"Cut that out," Yoongi would snap.

"What? It's true!"

"You know I don't like it when you talk like that!" He'd turn to me with a stern tone. "I don't regret anything that happened between us, okay? Not one single bit." There was a heavy silence as his words would hang in the air. "If you wouldn't have asked me to dance, then who knows if I ever would've worked up the courage to kiss you? And I wouldn't be here, sharing this bed with the love of my life."

"Aw, Yoongi..."

And the two of us would make love, again and again until we'd have a similar argument some time later and repeat the whole process all over again. I'd feel guilty, Yoongi would remind me of exactly how much he doesn't regret meeting me, and we'd get lost in each other's embrace.

That is, until a simple Sunday morning suddenly changed everything.

"I got it."

I casually peered over at the sound of him from my spot in the living room, sitting criss crossed on the couch in my pajamas with a laptop in my lap. "What?"

"The job." Yoongi's voice was low, serious as he stared at the paper in his hands that had previously been so carelessly disregarded on the kitchen island along with the Sunday paper. "At the university in Seoul."

"Wait." He had all of my attention now as I sat the laptop on the coffee table and rose to my feet. "Like the Seoul National University university?"

"Yeah," he let out a single chuckle of disbelief before he pressed the paper against the counter and turned to me. "I got the job."

"Oh my god, Yoongi!" I exclaimed with my own chuckle of disbelief before running forward and wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms immediately engulfed my waist and lifted me off the ground as we spun around in place, my lips instantly finding his in a searing kiss that was full of passion and excitement to match our current mood. "That's amazing!"

"I know," he replied as he placed me down. A tentative smile was frozen on his lips as he stared off into the distance before letting out another sound of disbelief, his head shaking before his palm slid down his face. "I can't believe it!"

"I'm so proud of you!" I mirrored the grin of pure elation on his features, my chest swelling with joy and relief and most of all, pride.

I was so, so proud of Yoongi. I knew how much his job meant to him, and the feeling of guilt that weighed down on me from knowing that I was the one who inadvertently took that away from him, that I was the one who inadvertently caused all this stress of job hunting was instantly lifted off my shoulders. I knew how much he wanted this. I knew how hard he had worked to get this job at such a prestigious school, and god damn it, I knew how much he deserved it. If Yoongi was anything, apart from being an amazing person and a wonderful lover, he was great at his job. He was a natural born teacher.

Though no matter how many times I've willingly showered him with endless compliments about his work, he'd blush sheepishly and simply swat away all of my words with a simple kiss, or an "if you don't shut up your food is going to get cold. We're unemployed now; we need all the nutrition we can get. Haven't you ever heard of the Great Depression?"

So instead, I just chose to beam at him while he basked in the euphoria of the moment that this job acceptance brought on. After all, I knew he was well aware of how proud of him I was and how supportive I'd always be when it came to anything he wanted to accomplish.

Though the bliss was short lived.

I watched as Yoongi's expression slowly fell, the smile on his face slipping into a deep frown and his eyes turning to stone. "No."

"What?" I furrowed my brows, concern filling me and etching onto my features as I cupped his cheek in my hand, trying to figure out why his mood had changed so suddenly. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not taking it." His tone was cold, definitive, as if the subject wasn't even up for debate as he grabbed the letter.

"Wait wait wait," I hurried to stop him from tearing it in half. "What are you talking about? Why not?"

He turned to look at me with cold, incredulous eyes, as if he couldn't believe I was even asking a question so stupid. "The university is in Seoul, Y/N."

"Okay...?" I shook my head in confusion, still not understanding what the issue was. "And?"

"I'd have to move." He was taking the paper back out of my hands and ripping it right down the middle before I got the chance to stop him.

I suddenly deflated, the severity of his words dropping in my stomach and wrapping around the anchor of my heart, sending it down, down, down through the floor of his apartment and hurdling towards the center of the earth.

"...What?"

"I'd have to move away from you."

And there is was, the bomb detonating an explosion and demolishing whatever was left of my heart.

"No... t–there has to be another way, there has to–"

"Seoul is hours away from here, Y/N," Yoongi barked out, his tone angry and harsh as it always was when he was upset. "It's on the other side of the country; there's no way I'd be able to commute without living there."

"Okay, so why did you apply then?" I couldn't help but snap back defensively. "You knew the distance to Seoul prior to applying for the job. Why even bother if you're just going to get pissed about not taking it?!"

"Because I didn't think I'd get accepted!" His voice was loud, almost yelling now. "It's the most sought after, prestigious school in the fucking country and I didn't think some young idiot who got fired from his last job would be able to get in!"

It was silent as his words settled over the atmosphere, clinging to the air that filled the room around us and encasing my lungs until it was impossible to breathe.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I finally hissed. "You're a great teacher, and you know it. If anyone's a young idiot here, it's me!"

Yoongi scoffed with a shake of his head. "I'm the one who kissed you again during that tutoring session after telling you to stay away. I'm the one who fucked you against that desk." His tone was low now, and his eyes seemed to grow harder in realization with each step that he took towards me. "I'm the one who asked to take you out on that fucking date and I'm the one who pulled you onto my lap when Sara caught us in my classroom! God damn it, I'm the one who tracked you down at a fucking frat party and punched one of my students!"

His voice slowly raised until he was yelling again, and if it weren’t for the fact that he was now standing chest to chest and cornering me up against the countertop of the island, I would've winced at the loud volume so close to my ears.

"Stop blaming yourself, Y/N, when I'm the one who was the authority figure. I'm the one who should've had my shit together, but I just couldn't around you!"

I felt myself soften at that. As angry and intimidating as he seemed right now, surely frightening whoever would come into contact with him when he was like this, I knew that it was all a front. Yoongi wasn't the best at dealing with emotional situations—he'd all but bite my head off any time I even tried to mention his father—and sometimes lashed out in anger when he was upset or hurting inside. I knew how badly he wanted this job; I could see it in his eyes, hear it in his voice when he'd first submitted the application. And now, when the career position of his dreams was finally right under his nose, he couldn't have it. Because I was holding him back.

"You have to take it." My voice was solemn and steady as I stared him in the eyes.

He instantly frowned. "What? No, I–"

"Yoongi."

He fell silent, all signs of anger and malice wiped from his features once he saw just how serious I was being. A soft, bittersweet smile that had nothing to do with happiness slowly tugged at my lips as my eyes gleamed with pain. My heart was breaking with every word I was speaking, but I knew it was something I needed to do.

"You have to take the job."

The silence that ensued my words only further proved my point, simultaneously stabbing a knife into my chest with each passing second. He knew I was right. He knew it. He just didn't want to hear it.

"You don't..." He sounded smaller, more pitiful and confused as he tried to make sense of what I was saying. "You don't want me to stay?"

The hurt, the sadness, the utter hopelessness in his voice absolutely crushed me. I couldn't help but fall into his embrace, wrapping my arms around his chest and squeezing tightly as if I could somehow hold the pieces of him together that I knew were breaking. The severity of what was happening, of what I was doing started to settle within me the moment I heard his voice break.

"I do, baby," I replied, the sound muffled by the skin of his neck that my face was buried in as a sob threatened to claw its way out of my throat and swallow me whole. "God, you know I do. But you can't."

"Y–you can come with me." He was shaking his head now, his hands gripping at the shirt on my back with closed fists while he desperately tried to hold onto me, as if I would disappear beneath him at any moment. "We can move together to Seoul and you can–"

"You know I can't, Yoongi." It was my turn to shake my head, and with it came a heavy tear that fell down my cheek. "I have to go to school. I have a family who's helping pay for my tuition, and my mom— you know it's not all up to me."

I heard him sniffle as he pulled away, and even though I felt no evidence of tears from him against my skin or my shirt, his eyes were bright red when he stared back at me.

"I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

The sheer determination in his voice had me shattering like broken glass. "I'm not letting you do this, Yoongi. I'm not letting you waste this opportunity. Do you know how many people are waiting to work at Seoul University? How many professors would kill to be in your position?" I kept my gaze steadily on his as I slowly shook my head. "I care about you... so fucking much. I've never loved someone so much before... not like this." I paused, asking myself one last time if this was really the decision I wanted to make as my words settled in. I took in the sight of his beautiful, breathtaking features silently begging me not to do this. "I'm putting you above my selfishness," I finally decided with another shake of my head. "You need to do this Yoongi, for you. You know you do."

Yoongi slowly shook his head, though the expression on his face told me he knew I was right. "I don't want to lose you," he spoke as a tear spilled over the brim of his eye, dampening his lashes and leaving a wet streak in its wake as it rolled down his cheek, and the sight was the final breaking point that had me bursting into tears.

"Neither do I."

His fingers dug into my skin as he tightened his grip on my body, his forehead leaning against mine as the only sounds exchanged between the two of us were the unspoken words of labored breaths and soft sobs.

Sometimes when you love someone, you have to do what's best for them.

And I knew this was what's best for Yoongi.

[jkirktrash]

Since i made a big dumb stupid earlier and accidentally hijacked a post earlier

Lets redo this

This is also just me partially ranting about the dream smp ao3 tagging stuff.

--

Dream smp this is directed at you guys mostly but. this can go for newer ao3 writers in gen tbh.

Tagging your characters in order of importance! Lots of older fandoms did this and unforunately it seems to have fallen out of habit with some newer fandoms (dsmp i am directly calling you out.) Tagging a character who is seen for a single chapter or less first is misleading. As someone who has been on ao3 a long time i would take that as the charcater is either the pov or a main character. In the dsmp fandom tag thats not how it usually goes. Im not sure if something in the system changed to where you cant order them as you please but if you can order them however you want please do order them correctly.

If a character is only mentioned or seen briefly please for the love of god tag them with mentioned or briefly. Or tag them at the very end! If a character is mentioned please say that. They are not a character in the fic they are simply part of the universe at that point.

If a romantic relationship is for one chapter or only a small bit of the story use the Char a/ Char b (briefly) tag. If a chip is only mentioned do Ca / Cb (mentioned)

If a relationship is one sided do Ca/Cb (onesided)

On another note! Your character that you are writing in the pov of likely has a centric tag! Check it out! If it does! Use it :).

For example: fundy fics often get lost in the "fundy is mentioned here but im not going to tell you he's only mentioned!" Fics! So instead of painstakingly trying to figure out which is which i lurk in the #fundy centric tag on ao3 :)! I've read every fic there! And so have many many other fundy fans. I'm sure any niki or awsamdude or ponk fans have similar tags! Using them will get your fics noticed!

Dont use slashes for platonic relationships! For example Ca/Cb (platonic) is not a valid ao3 tag. It will be put into the romance tag on ao3. Using that will drive your readers away! Romance is Ca/Cb and platonic is Ca&Cb!

Use many tags to describe whats in the fic. Say what the endgame ship is! Say the minute details! Say funny notes or small things that arent necessarily ao3 tags in your tags. Why? These things help people find content they like and often times, small things are what make a fic. I love searching up the technoblade and fundy tag with uncle technoblade! Why? Those are my fave fics even if the tags are small as hell! Since people tag them though i find them! Same will go for you and your readers!

To Writers who write 18+ content in the dsmp ao3 tag: actually use the 18+ tags. By this i mean what content is actually in your fic. I have stumbled across many fics that say explicit but because its tagged explicit and some times the actual 18+ content isnt i find sexual stuff instead of the gorey horror fics i was expecting (because like it or not those are often tagged explicit because of extreme violence)

Use your tags wisely and tag the content included. Tag your angst and your romance and you your mentions. Just make sure to tag correctly so everyone has a good time.

I dont mean to be rude or sound angry in this i just see it way too often and nothings changing in the tags.

If i said something wrong or got something incorrect please tell me! I am not a writer. Just an ao3 lurker! I may have been around a while but i dont know the ins and outs. I may have worded something wrong or just in general made a mistake. But i think everything i said is pretty general stuff! Remember even if the tag is small ao3 has a tag for almost everything and if they dont have it write it down anyways because it may just have more fics added to it and it will become a larger tag.

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

I’d disagree with the anon that Paul was “incapable” of love, but I do agree he was very distanced, and pretty cruel (to women) when he was younger. (It was unfortunate they bought into the love at first sight myth, but he was also a charmer, and dropped affection and got colder after fucking them.)

But I just can’t see romantic interest on Paul’s end. I’m sure he loved John, but a lot of the “sexual/Romantic evidence” really can just be as construed as platonic love. I feel there may be some confirmation bias looking for “clues”. (Not an attack on anyone, but some of the analysises seem to try too hard, really).

He does make references, with the whole “calling him babe during concerts”, and “in bed” but that could just mean he’s not uncomfortable with coming off “gay”. He has a quote about it somewhere I think. He’s supportive of the community at any rate.

This is kind of my own bias, but at times I think he…plays it up a little during the present day? Again, I’m positive he did love John a lot, but with how he is, a charmer, good at manipulating his image, he knows there is a benefit to building up the “magical” Lennon McCartney dynamic. John’s dead, and the old conflicts have faded, so he has no reason not to. I don’t think he’s anti-social, or a psycho or anything, but he certainly does put a lot of thought into his image, especially now, with how he wants to leave his legacy.

I’m less knowledgeable about John, and the speculation about his mental illnesses, but on his end, I can certainly see it. Maybe he’s just blind, but the looks are very much…yeah. He does seem to rely Paul a lot, and hold him in very high regard (REGARDLESS of what those old male biographers might make of him). You just know he was suffering over Paul, poor bastard.

Not sure if anything happened. I think Paul knew though, and either ignored it, or was kind, knowing John wouldn’t act on it. OR he didn’t notice! With the whole “we shared beds A LOT. you would think he’d make a pass at me, darling~”

I guess that’s how I see it. I don’t really have strong feelings on the nature of their relationship, or want them to be “confirmed”, so I try to be as objective as possible! Not a shipper, but not a male biographer. In fact, I was very put off learning the ship was a thing at first! With every fan base “having to” ship the main male leads, that’s what I thought this was. But after three years, reading actual books, primary stuff, I’ve began to change my mind on its legitimacy, and this was my conclusion. But new information can always change!

(Sorry for the long long analysis, god! I just took my adderall and I should go eat! Feel free to block me for spam/harassment.)

Yeah, this is basically my big mclennon dilemma: did Paul love John?

Of course he loved him, but I mean did he harbour any homosexual feelings towards John - and I just go back and fourth on that a lot.

In my last response to an anon I wasn’t necessarily trying to argue that Paul was romantically/sexually attached to John, because all in all, I don’t believe he did - but it probably came off that way because I didn’t particularly like the way the anon had phrased some stuff (like calling him “a master manipulator” and “incapable of love”) and so I just sort of wanted to show that the relationship was more nuanced then just “john was simping for paul”. My overall point with that response was more so that whilst I think Paul struggles in showing real affection and emotions, I don’t think he was incapable of love prior to Linda. I think he did really love John (in whichever form of love you want to take it: romantically, platonically etc.)

And so my point I guess wasnt so much that Paul was always capable of love (because I think he did at least love his family, his close-friends, probably Jane etc.), but maybe more so that he was always capable of intimacy with another person, though he struggled with it.

But yeah, he was quite cruel to a lot of the girls he slept with in the 60s, but I wouldn’t say that suggests he was incapable of love (i know thats not what you’re saying but other people might interpret it through that lens) I would just say he was young, dumb, ridiculously rich and famous and not emotionally mature enough yet to really empathise with most of those girls. Not trying to completely excuse him, but like, i dunno, i always just try to view people from the most human perspective. Everyones an twat sometimes yknow

I also really struggle to see romance on Pauls behalf towards John - the only times I think “wait but maybe he did fancy john back” is when I read some of his lyrics (like in ‘Coming Up’, ‘Yvonne’s The One’, and to some extent ‘Here Today’ - though I think interpreting Here Today as strictly platonic love is still a valid interpretation). I mentioned this in a different post though, that analysing his lyrics just isnt particularly convincing for me, because it feels more like speculation - and also as someone who does write songs, I know that a lot of lyrics just arent as deep as we wish they were. It is really difficult to be truly introspective and honest in a song, without exaggerating or hyperbolising or fictionalising any autobiographical aspects.

I do see your point with Paul possibly playing up the “Lennon/McCartney m a g i c” - im not entirely sure how much I agree, but I do agree to some extent. I think he’s always been very image conscious, and being in what is probably the all-time most famous pop band definitely wouldve heightened that. Even as a teenager I think he’s always just had this natural charm about him, and that tends to stem I guess from a need to be liked; I think you can see it in every interview he’s ever done to be honest. Its not necessarily a bad thing, (because id take a charmer over a rude knobhead any day) but I guess it sort of just shows that Paul is flawed like everybody else. Also, just read @mothernatures-sons tags and I agree with her - Paul just knows when to be a nice person! Nothing wrong with that! It isnt manipulative like the last anon suggested, its just how most people are: polite :) Ive heard a lot of anecdotes from people who have worked with or met Paul and the majority of them say he was a just a nice guy. Not saying he was never an arsehole (cause yeah he was pretty cruel to those girls in the 60s) but I think overall, hes a pretty good guy 👍

On the other hand though, you could also say that superficial journalists are looking for superficial answers - and Paul knows what the people want to hear. But occasionally ill hear an interview that does seem more intimate then most - I havent listened to it in awhile, but the interview he did with Sean I remember felt more honest to me then most. And when he said he’d like to spend the day “in bed” with John, to me that felt like a genuine and fitting response. Because, whilst it has sexual connotations, it also just feels like he’s saying he’d just like to sit around, chat, dont chat, just whatever with John for a day. Like he would just like another moment of intimacy with him.

I think we are pretty much in agreement on most of this though! At first I was also like “nah, mclennon isnt real, teenage girls just love shipping guys!” (I am a teenaged girl and I can confirm this lol) but then it just sort of became apparent to me through reading more and more about their relationship that there probably was something more on Johns behalf. If John wasnt in love with Paul, then it feels as though a lot of things he said and did just dont add up (the big one for me is him marrying Yoko so soon after Paul married Linda - like I really cannot come up with a heterosexual explanation for that!)

But when it comes to Paul, though ill have moments of doubt, I dont think he was in love with John (homosexually) and I do think a lot of the evidence on Pauls behalf seems like a stretch (but like you, im not having a go at anyone, because I understand that it is easy to carried away, plus its fun - but realistically, most of Pauls evidence just is not convincing to me). He’s comfortable with his sexuality, and I really do try to respect that and not force a gay interpretation of quotes or songs from him, unless it is genuinely making me question his sexuality and mclennon.

PS dont worry, I didn’t take this is spam at all!! And also, I would never block someone just for disagreeing with me! I enjoy discussion and I think its good to engage with people who disagree with you! To be honest, id only block someone if they were purposely being a real arsehole <3

[practicalmagicintuitions]

Here is the Chris Reading for the anons asking for it:

I’ve placed a whole bunch of things down for this one. You guys wanted general, so until I could hone in on something, I had to just test the waters on all things. (I’m not following him so I don’t know what’s going on at all) if you guys notice something in this reading that you think could be symbolism for something you actually know of in his life, let me know! :)

I was asked for General, how he feels about relationships, how he feels about marriage, career? And love life.

1. I put down Chris

2. Being in a relationship” second. BIAR Wanted to be in front of Chris, Chris also wanted it there

3. Career was confused where to go, Being in a relationship was in the way. Career decided it’s gonna jam itself between them. (Already this is super telling.)

4. Being Single - single was attached to career, it wanted to stay with career it wouldn’t move elsewhere

5. Family are right behind Chris, (good that’s where they should be. Doesn’t look like any animosity atm)

6. Strangely, marriage wanted to be in front of in a relationship……..? That’s gonna be a fun one to figure out.

7. “Having kids” is behind him, past family and on the left (it’s the furthest placement away so far”

Chris is staring ahead at Career, single, BIAR and single. They’re all in a line.

Chris is staring straight at career. I can’t feel anything from him besides the fact that this big brick wall called a career is in front of him. I see nothing past that. “Single” though, rather than seeming as big as career, seems to represent itself as a little flag thats just been pressed into the side of the brick wall, single isnt giving me any feeling either.

That being said, the career brick wall is not intimidating. It’s just more like he’s looking up at it like, “huh. Big guy” he has the need to climb over it.

Yeah, listen this wall is a wall but he’s not trying duck his head to the side and see past it, he just has the need to jump over this brick wall. The wall is maybe 7 foot tall, so in comparison to himself and how big he feels in this scenario (he feels his normal 6 foot self) he absolutely could. But it’s just interesting that what I’m seeing/feeling is a brick wall that’s like 5 foot in length and yet he has no desire to just bypass it and go to the side, he wants to climb the fucking thing?

Chris stans, tell me what the HELL that is about. You know him better than I. Does he like the competition or accomplishment? Does he feel he needs to prove himself the hard way?

Anyway, he’s pretty confident he can jump this wall. And single is not even a thing to him in its current position.

He’s thinking very hard about how to jump this wall. Like he knows how, you lift yourself up and jump over it I can see that image in my head very easy, but he’s struggling to actually DO it?

Nope, ok he doesn’t want to.

He knows he can jump it, he knows it’s blocking everything else, but I go to take an action for him and he’s like “nah I’m good tho”

Seems a fitting time to put in “anxiety.”

I laughed out loud when I had to place anxiety. Take a wild guess where it felt it needed to be?

You bet chya, it’s on the wall.

And then it couldn’t make up its mind. Officially I’ve placed it on the wall together with “single” and “career” but the energy for anxiety is actually that’s it’s jumping in front of the wall, to on the wall, to behind the wall and it keeps doing that. Just back and forth.

Makes total sense as to why he can’t cross this wall.

Now that anxiety is there he doesn’t want to look in its direction at all.

He’s gotten a bit warm and a bit of a headache too now, and a bit dizzy. The headache is real present.

The good news is in these situations where someone can’t move due to anxiety or otherwise, it’s always a good time to place supports, so the person can feel supported to do the thing they want and move forward. Luckily, his family are already placed behind him, they seem to really love him, so it’s just about me utilising that now.

This part I’m going to do more privately (as in I won’t type it) cause this would be a personal thing (maybe even generational thing) that he needs to move through with his family in order for them to feel that support. His anxiety didn’t come from nowhere. That being said I’m also not going to do a whole ass constellation with him cause 1. He’s not here and 2. It would take hours.

All I’ll say is his mum is a MASSIVE support for him, and also……. 😬 kinda swamping him a bit. He doesn’t mind it, it’s actually very comforted, but she truly is just physically in this reading SWAMPING him. An outsider could see that she’s maybe a bit too involved with his life.. which isn’t great for a fully grown man. But, he finds it comforting, what are ya gonna do. Clearly he doesn’t want it to end… :/

(For reading purposes So it’s not just jumping, I took about 5 minutes with him and his family to help move past anxiety, his family love the crap out of the guy it’s real cute.)

I thought this was important to note:

What Career feels in relation to CE:

Very big, bulky, serious. Reminds me a bit of Wilson Fisk from into the spider verse. Just very big, bulky, serious a bit of a bully. Not gonna move. You’re gonna do what I tell you. Restrictive. That kind of energy. It doesn’t HATE him, but it has rules. And Chris is gonna follow them. (That’s a threat) it also feels like within career is actually a powerful male that kinda owns his ass? Not sure who that could be, once again CE stans, gimme the tea.

For the next part I might… get in trouble. I know that when it comes to the talk of relationships no one likes to hear it. Don’t kill the messenger here you guys:

he has his back TURNED from “single”

I could encourage him to look everywhich other way for any other representative, but single? Back turned.

Doesn’t wanna look at it.

Single on the other hand is kinda looking at him like a little kid like :) hi Chris look pls. Chris! Pls :) Chris look at me Chris pls :) Chrissy! Take a look!

For whatever reason “single” in this reading is feeling very adolescent. Maybe he feels that being single isn’t a grown up thing to do anymore? (I forgot to mention, the things in the field take on the energy of the person it’s focused on, not necessarily how it is perceived by EVERYONE in the world, only how it’s perceived or how it acts in relation to the client. Single to ME might be a knight in shining armor that protects me, Single to Chris seems adolescent.

So, Chris is looking at both “marriage” and “being in a relationship” he’s not feeling particularly drawn towards either, but he is giving a lot more attention to “being in a relationship” than marriage.

Which is weird, cause if you don’t want single, yet you don’t want relationship, what do you want?

I have now brought in “situationship” “flirting w/ someone” and “fwb”

situationship is closest, but doesn’t have his full attention, as it’s to the left side of him at an Angle. FWB is just behind situationship but more aligned to be in front of his eyesight, and flirting with someone is on the right from him, at an angle and is the furthest of the three.

Ok, FWB feels the most comfortable for him, he actually took a step towards it. He’s not feeling super fond of any of the three in any way, but FWB is nice it’s comforting, he’s.. semi happy? It’s not even really happy… it’s just like “doing ok!This is ok! This is comfortable.”

He’s side eyeing the shit out of “situationship” though and is anxious at how close it is. He doesn’t actually want the situationship there, but it’s close now and it’s not moving, and he’s having a bit of anxiety about it. He can’t stop looking at it though. FWB is immediate comfort, situationship is SO ANXIETY INDUCING but it’s also more interesting to look at?

(Chris get therapy 🙄)

Flirting with someone is out of the picture, been there, done that doesn’t care about it. (Could be that he’s already gone through the flirting stage with someone that’s why it’s of no interest to him)

Now that he’s finding situationship more interesting, he’s looking past FWB and to “being in a relationship” which he also finds nicer to look at. The thought coming up is “that would be nice” but in a wistful way.

Marriage is still right out, we’re not looking at marriage.

I’m gonna move relationship closer to situationship to see if he feels better or worse.

Lmao ok, I put them both together and imagined situation ship and relationship being close, like they’re holding hands. In his mind, situationship is a cute little brunette that’s like 5’4 and “being in a relationship” is built like an Amazonian 6’5 goddess and he’s both in awe, yet intimidated a bit, but also not hating it, but the only thought that came up was “ahhhhh…. Fuck.”

Two thoughts came up but they both got crossed out before he could finish it.

“I don’t want-“

“I’m not ready……..-“

And now he just keeps hesitantly saying relationship over and over again but he’s saying it like he’s brand new to the word, like he’s trying to find the word for the word - yet he’s already speaking it??

And now it’s just a flatlining “😐 mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm……”

Sat with this for a while and didn’t have much movement so time to move to:

Question time:

Q: Chris.. are you in a situationship?

I don’t know what I’m in

Q: Ok. Are you… sleeping with someone

Yeah

Q: Are you FWB?

He’s hesitant? Like he’s not sure. That word doesn’t seem to fit what he’s up to atm. He seems very confused about what he’s in.

Q: Are you going on dates with someone?

I’m going on dates

Q: With many people or just one?

Just…. One… (not sure why he was hesitant about telling me, but I feel like I’m starting to cross on something I’m not meant to talk about, so I’m ending it here. If he wants to keep it to himself, he is absolutely in his right to do so)

I will say when He said just one, a person did show up: brown hair, she’s shorter than him (but that’s obvious) and she’s slender and kinda perky. When I see her she looks like she’s fun! I saw her dancing around a bit. I liked her energy.

Sound like anyone you guys know?

Note: this is where I’ve ended it. Wasn’t gonna push on it he was getting more and more hesitant it’s not my place to push anything that he doesn’t want me to access. Now that we’ve created the focus though it will be easier to go from there :)

Hopefully that covered it for the anons that asked :) I’m over @energyanon to anyone that needs anything clarified.

Thank you for doing this @energyanon ! Your gift is amazing and thank you for your dedication!

[btsandvmin]

why do u think fandom brozone vmin so much? it doesnt happen nearly as often w other ships

I have talked about this a great deal before, and for good reason. It does happen a lot, and it has always been like this. At least I can speak for the years I have been in the fandom as the first post I ever made properly was about this exact topic. (The “bromance” issue) It’s short and a bit outdated, and honestly we also have to admit that while a lot of people still keep insisting on Vmin not being shippable and being “brozoned or friendzoned” there are also a lot more people who both ship Vmin and even see actual real potential in them being more. (You can even tell by the increase in analysis here on tumblr.)

Personally regarding the “issue” of how Vmin are viewed I am no longer as annoyed with it as I used to be. I do think it’s mainly a problem when other shippers come and say it about Vmin, because that is frankly just hypocritical. I have also written  Normalizing Vmin or “Vmin” and  Shipping vs Believing that explains more about my views on the subject of friendzoning and shipping as a whole. (Personally I feel Vmin get more friendzoned than brozoned, but that’s just a minor detail.)

But your question was about why you think the fandom brozone/friendzone Vmin so much, so let’s get to that.

First of all I obviously think there are several reasons, but this is all based on my speculations after being in this fandom for so long and what I have seen. Every person could have their own very different reasons to why they think the way they do. I think all the reasons play a part, but might not be equally important and might also not apply to every single person, but rather affect the fandom as a whole in one way or another.

So let’s break it down to the things I think play the biggest role in why Vmin are seen as platonic, regardless of if they are or not, just simply compared to a lot of the other ships.

1. They have since the start used the label “friend” or “best friend” to describe each other. In particular the label “chingu” of course, which in actuality is used to described someone of the same age that you are close with. 

2. The English translation and constant use of “friend” will when repeated constantly get stuck in people’s minds and affect how they view a dynamic. Just how “hyung” gets translated to brother, but a lot less well known and noted by the fandom. Basically the western fandom will likely get even more platonic feelings towards Vmin because of the word being translated to friends.

3. Compared to the other “chingus” in the group, Namjoon and Hobi, there is much more emphasis on Vmin as the same age and as being close and best friends. Namjoon himself made a comment on this. I also think the use of “friends” or more recently “soulmates” by editors is a reply to this, basically that the editors too use these words because they are used a lot by the members first. Hence it gets doubly reinforced. Every time we hear it or read it we get another reminder of Vmin being friends.

4. Their early dymanics were less soft. A lot of their interactions were teasing like Taehyung’s “Jiminie pabo” and fans saw it as two siblings or friends rather than as the “teasing your crush”. Basically people didn't read their behavior as romantic. When BTS first started Vmin already called each other best friends, and that stuck, even more so in combination with people basically not seeing any "spark" between them. I would call this preference in a lot of cases.

5. There were in the beginning already a lot of competition between ships. Jimin often focused in a lot on JK and basically flirted with him while he at the same time brushed off Tae when he did similar towards Jimin. Meanwhile Tae and JK had a very physical relationship as well and JK often seemed the most open and comfortable with Tae. I think both of Vmin kind of pushing themselves on and teasing JK was a dynamic many shippers like. Meanwhile you aslo had Yoonmin getting popular due to Yoongi seeming a bit soft on Jimin and Jimin being very open and loud with wanting attention from Yoongi.

6. Some people find Vmin's dynamics boring. To a lot of shippers “too” obvious closeness might be a little boring and get labeled as just being friends or bros. This was in particular evident in the early days of Vmin. It also matters for fan content, and we can see a lot of Vmin fiction use a bit more “soft” tropes and might not get as many readers as more conflict driven plot. For me I would also include Vmin’s bias towards each other as another point here, that people might see as too much if they are a couple and have to hide. Basically a lot of people don’t see friendship to romance as the most interesting, or the "obvious and equal dynamic" as interesting. BTS said Vmin were the closest or the “best duo” etc. but since all of them were close people picked based on preference for their ship. Of course this still applies to shippers now, they fall for the type of dynamic they like, but now they also have a easier time getting convinced by material from other shippers. Having analysis is another thing that can make a ship more appealing as well.

7. Speaking of, fan content getting created and spread will reinforce certain images. Reading BTS fanfiction or watching moment videos you will see a lot of Vmin being “the best friends”. Basically once the image is used a lot, it will get more spread and used even more. It will be a constant in many places and when talking to a lot of people. It will also of course pull people in to other ships that makes Vmin impossible. Not to mention the big ships will get bigger and spread more easily.

8. Now this might not be true for a lot of people. But I have come across a lot of fans who seem to think being a friend is something that makes romance less likely. For me I want my partner to be my best friend as well, but a lot of people do see these two things as mutually exclusive. Many see friend and lover as two very different things and that you have one best friend and one partner, not someone that are both. Basically just the view on friendships and labels and how that might lead to some feeling being romantically involved is something separate from a close friendship. 

9. Other ships spreading the narrative even further. It’s easier to just call Vmin friends, honestly. It’s often hard to deny their closeness (not that you should have to just because you ship something else, doesn’t change reality). But Vmin being so close and being part of the three biggest ships in BTS of course their label as best friends will be spread and used even more by those shippers. And because of the size of those ships it eventually gets turned into not just those shippers views, but the whole fandom’s.

10. More recently I would also say fear is a reason why people push back and try to remind the fandom that Vmin are “just friends”. Because we have very bad examples of what happens when shipping goes too far, basically it makes many non shippers try to protect Vmin from the same faith. Not a bad thing (again, as long as you don’t ship something else and is a hypocrite), but it surely does further the narrative of Vmin being very platonic. (A bad group is of course included here, which are homophobic fans, but since they feel the same about all ships it’s just a sidenote.)

11. Lastly, and probably most influentual, is the fact that Vmin and BTS friendzone Vmin in many ways, constantly. 

I won’t go into all the examples, but I think we all know a few moments even at the top of our heads by now.

I mean.... They called their song about being soulmates and wanting to be together for eternity "Friends". And maybe that's what they are, but they sure like to remind us.

So we have times when BTS or Vmin basically remind us and spells it out even more clearly that Vmin are FRIENDS. They use it very very often, and personally to me sometimes at very weird moments. Even so, the things most fans see will of course be what they say. Vmin are friends and that is it.

And at face value that is true. I just personally don’t see being best friends (and soulmates) as meaning they can’t be more as well. Especially since they wouldn’t even be able to say more than that. I mean, if Vmin are basically described as the closest in BTS, then why does that mean they have less odds of being real? Being friends doesn’t have to equal being only friends.

However, Vmin have in fact said things against being interested/denied the other, I don’t want to lie. I am sure some would see this as 100% truth and use it againt the possibility of Vmin being real. Like when Taehyung basically said he would rather date Hobi.

However, Jimin said he would definitely choose Taehyung to date, but that gets ignored by people who ship Jimin with others, so it’s really just about choosing what fits your narrative. All ships have contradicting moments or statments or answers where they answer two different things at two different times in general.

We also have how Jimin answered back to Taehyung about liking men by saying he isnt “like that” to Taehyung.

There are moments like this, and even though they might be small and forgotten by most I think they could in a sense still have registered in some fans who then basically managed to spreak the “vmin are just bros/friends” into the more common perception. 

However we also have opposite moments when they try to appeal to each other, or like when Taehyung asks Jimin to be the girlfriend etc. and personally though I do take these things into account it’s a bit like when you see members say “men can’t do this or that” and it doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t be queer. To me even though there are things against most ships, there are still a lot that speaks for some, and that’s why I remain unsure.

Sometimes you might get more defensive or nervous if there is some truth in there as well. It’s all about interpretation, even though I don’t want to blatantly ignore what they say. But since they have said and done directly contradicting things (like how Jimin said he would choose to date Tae while also saying he doesn’t act like “that” to Tae, or how they have changed a lot of answers in general) I also don’t see it as something definitely against them being more. Not to mention time can change things as well. 

In the end though this isn’t about what other things there might be that show Vmin might be more than friends or not, but simply reasons for the fandom’s view of them as platonic. (Personally I think they do a lot of things not normally seen as platonic, which is obviously the reason for me having this blog and writing anlysis on them.)

So, Vmin is friendzoned by the group, and by shippers of bigger ships, and even by themselves at times. Then everything else is reinforcement and inability to view them as anything more than friends.

There are some other things I think might play a part in it as well, but most comes down to personal preferences or what you get exposed to. Like who is the bias of the shipper and what things do they come across to make them a shipper, what kind of dynamics do they like etc. (It's more likely for someone who "falls" for JK to have JK in his ship, for example. Because they will focus on him and notice his interactions and then likely fall for a certain dynamic.)

History is a huge factor in general, and trying to change the perspective of the fandom might not be easy. But with a lot of new fans coming in and seeing with their own eyes how Vmin have behaved the last two years in particular, I think we can see a change.

Vmin are loved by the majority of this fandom, and that’s far better than them having people be anti them because of their ship being too big or too toxic. So in the end I do feel it’s a good things for them and for us that Vmin is being viewed as mostly platonic while they manage to slowly include more “normally not platonic things” into their platonic box. (I mean we are at a point where they can casually mention sleeping together and sing about being soulmates and hold hands in public).

Thank you for the ask and I hope you found this interesting. This is a topic I have a lot of opinions on and think is interesting myself, so I hope you enjoyed this post. No matter what we all know that one truth won’t change; 95z is love!

[rabbityshen]

a post got me thinking abt this (and i didnt wanna add to the notes plus it is a bit on the mean side) on the one hand, i think some ppl can be kind of mean abt "tropes" as a lens of talking abt fiction. ppl having fun is fine. i have fun. it can feel like "ugh you're not taking fiction seriously" vibes, which i think is good to keep in check as that sentiment can poison the well and put ppl on defense which i dont think is conducive. i also think it can be condescending to presume "you only talk abt x in y way which means you're incapable of discussing x (or anything else) in z way."

on the other hand, i do find tropes, and in this case i mean the more modern rendition of "ao3 tags" as i saw someone phrase it as, just personally v confusing and limiting. i understand what tropes are but they're vague in the same way genre is, but unlike genre, are looser and more emotionally tilted in a way that can limit discussion. i mean, i do find it useful sometimes, like i do have trope preferences certainly and i think that's fun to talk abt in a "what do i get out of this" way in a general sense. but besides the obvious problem of not all fiction necessarily having or fitting these tropes (esp since they're predominantly romance oriented), or suiting even the common tone of such discussion, i just dont find tropes particularly illuminating when discussion often boils down to "i love this/i hate this" in emotionally hyperbolic ways. it also just doesnt fit discussion of stories that arent invested in pleasant or fun emotional catharsis, let alone stories that aren't linear or are more experimental in structure. (and also like, if u get why applying tvtropes, which at least isnt romance-centric, onto all fiction can be kinda cringey and just v limiting, then it also applies here.)

even when it comes to my preferences, it can rly vary depending on the execution of the story itself, whether im reading amateur fanfic or pro published original fiction, or anything else. for example, i would say i like enemies to lovers, but this doesnt mean im inclined to like every rendition of it (i disliked rey and kylo's arc, i liked catra and adora's arc). even when im casually reading fanfic, im not gonna read every enemies to lovers ship. i am moderately picky and very lazy!

and at least enemies to lovers describes a relationship arc that can encompass an entire narrative. "sharing a bed" is a scene prompt? it's fine but means nothing to me. if a story sucks to me then no i wont like it, if a story is good to me then yeah i'll like it. i cant rly say if i "like" that trope in isolation bc i've seen shitty versions, fun versions, boring versions, etc.

and then top of this, sometimes ppl have v specific ideas of what tropes mean. back to enemies to lovers, i've seen ppl use it to refer to intense mutual antagonism that ties into the entire plot or just moderate stakes act 1 romcom personality clash/bickering that eases into real friendship by act 2. i can sure propose my own definition but it does seem like it's more charged to whatever someone's own personal preferences are than any kind of meaningful analysis or categorization.

i guess what im getting at is "tropes" seem to invoke the idea of specificity w/o really engaging w/ it or w/ clarity. i think obv if you are talking abt trends or patterns across fiction, you will generalize. but there are usually reference point bc the analysis comes out of the engagement w/ fiction first. often tropes are invoked in a way where there is no reference point, or it's imagined (or assumed) to an unhelpful degree, and then is applied as it's concrete and objective bc the trope itself exists within a vacuum.

ultimately tho this mode of discourse is mostly harmless if somewhat annoying. i have no idea if this is true to "real life" or whatever that means lol

[khunsimp]

Thank you so much for answering my ask, khunsimp.....🌻

I just realized in your blog that there are also quite a lot about danmei....

If you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 favorite couples from all of the danmei novels that you've finished reading (or watched the adaptations)? And why do you like them? (It can be canon couples or non-canon couples....)

Again, sorry if you've answered this ask before....Thank you 😊

Ahh! That is easy! i hardly ship anything that is not canon. I'm ,normally, not a shipper, but there are certain specific couples that I'm in love with!

-Wangxian( lan zhan and wei wuxian) from mo dao zu shi!!!

(You know, normally, at least one of the characters in a danmei is overtly possessive/seems to care about nothing more/anyone besides the love of his life. I don't think this is necessarily bad to read! but, is this so unrealistic for a human being that it's harder for me for a couple like that to become one of my favorites? I think, maybe, because a character looks more complex/like a real person if he is not like that? Wangxian was able to demonstrate unconditional love, and a certain possessiveness of one of them in a more "passive" and normal way (where he feels this, but demonstrates it in a way more healthy, repressed and controlled way. And, the protectiveness is also fully explained, so the "exaggerated" is not exaggerated!. But as I said in the other question, I don't like something for really logical reasons. I just love wangxian, and that's it kkkkk. They are one of the best love story for me;

-Wenzhou( Wen ke xing and zhou zishu) from word of honor/faraway wanderers ( Just love them. Especially in the novel, they are grey moral characters, and I really like characters like that. So, a couple of two people like that? it's perfect kkkkkkkkk. Love wen ke xing personality, he is one of my favorite danmej characters. I love how they think alike and without shame and at the same time behave differently. Anyway, I can't give a better explanation than that, I just love them);

-Cezhou( Shen zechuan and Xiao chiye) from Qiang jin jiu. (I didnt finish it yet, but sorry, i cant do a list like that without them? Especially since this is, maybe, the most complex and well written danmei that i ever read? Also, they are the BEST enemies to lovers. And they relationship is perfect developed. The tension, the passion, and after the unconditional love... Its perfect!!!!!! );

<These 3 👆 are my true favorites, for real>.

- Moshang from self saving system. ( I dont really know why I like them, I just was "catch"by it, you know? Also, they are a secundary pair. I dont like the main pair together in this novel);

- Hualian from Heavens official blessing ( Remember when I said that a couple with someone who just care about his lover normally dont is my type? Well, they are the exception. As I said, my "like" for something isnt really logical).

Well, that is it!