#also to anyone i tagged there no need to do it if you dont feel like it :3
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A wilting flower is not always beyond healing. It'll just take time.
#a small doodle! Just a little one! Wanted to draw but also didnt want to draw but also needed to draw#you know? idk if that makes any sense#dont mind me-#if anyone is worried I am okay please dont take this as some big vent or anything!#just art I needed to get out of my head. Ya kno??? nothin crazy!!!#anyway anyway im gonna go play a game or something!!! Drink water. Eat a snack! Sit down in some quiet for a moment#Yall should do that too! You! Drink water! Eat something! Sit and be calm for a moment.#welcome home oc#dandy leon#I always feel bad tagging my art of dandy alone with the welcome home tags??? uh-#my art#sketches
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ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw
#they are.#been thinking a lot about t*rusai and k*bosai and all three of them together#(really long rant in these tags that shouldve been a rant post but im not changing it soz i got carried away LMAO->)#see the thing is that k*bosai is my absolute favorite ship ever. but i get genuinely pissed when people smack talk t*rusai#idk like i get why people wouldnt ship kbs and i really dont care. and i also get that a lot of people have differing opinions and-#wont ship trsai. i honestly cant wrap my head around why (other than people who just hate teruhashi and are misogynistic) but im okay with-#agreeing to disagree and i dont care yk??#but people so often make these long discussion posts just yapping and yapping and making up shit about how trsa 'wouldnt work'#and its always just... actual complete bullshit. like unreadable word vomit.#sorry. but its true.#thats why it gets me so mad#i cant think of a single reason why you would feel the need to do that#why cant you be normal and just. not like a ship. just dont like it. hate it even. but dont make up shit just to shit on it#its so dumb i have to force myself to just scroll past them every time i encounter one#usually on tiktok or tumblr#if i read them i wont be able to stop myself from making the most concerned and upset noises ever cuz what is actually wrong with you#theyre always the biggest dumbest stretches ever and they ignore their actual development and pretend it didnt happen#it just makes me wonder why people are so okay with making fun of that ship but get mad if anyone even dislikes theirs#and then they complain about people 'shitting on their opinion'#LIKE ?? NOBODY CARES THAT U HATE THE SHIP. I CERTAINLY DONT GAF.#but ur in the main tags advertising ur hatred for it and sounding stupid as shit for no reason? UR SHITTING ON PEOPLES SHIP ON PURPOSE#AND THEN GETTING MAD AT ANYONE WHO EVEN SAYS 'i disagree actually' IM LAUGHING SO HARD STOP IM KILLING MYSELF#the one time i ever talked in that much detail about why i disliked a ship was bevause somebody specifically asked me#and yk what ?? i have literally gotten death threats over it. im not allowed to hate that ship but everyone else can do whatever i guess#okay sorry. rant over.#is that controversial i cant tell. i dont really care and im not tagging anyway#meows post
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"Found out"
set in kind of a made-up chapter where the girls are in trouble, or something.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#i hate having a strong cinematic image in your mind for months..working hours on it..& at the end looking you have to be like “Sure. :/"#i'm especially unsatisfied with the beginning and the end and how i can't get eyebrows to work as i want#but i dont care any more... this is probably the comic that has given me the most trouble ever i just dont care#i barely even care whatsoever if anyone even sees this..Ugh..but at least i can move on to the next era now#i'm just annoyed i cant get out good enough my image of qifrey flinching bc he thinks oru will hit him but then he is not hit#i feel like sensei will do something along these lines. i want to see what she will do.#there are also other variations i have in my mind. i just want to know#i just don't want it to happen with qifrey on his deathbed or something. but it possibly will. I DONT EVEN KNOW.#i have another very cinematic image in my mind for something sort of along those lines which i will do soon. it never ends...#btw after this is probably my fics. yeah.... i think it has to be my fics. jasmine sort of goes along these lines#i need that space for dialogue. look - i'm a writer. this is HARD for me. so i am really glad i had the space and freedom of words#to process all the feelings. but i tried to get something out in a quick visual space too. <- me defending myself to myself at cai court#anyway going along the lines of 'Jasmine' - they talk this out and argue and cry and oru pushes the hat at him and tells him#why not just erase every memory i have of you then. That would be easier for us all wouldn't it?#they kiss and sob and kiss and lie outside in the flowers for many hours in that one. and then there's 'Deep End' where it turns out#way way way way more time and words is needed for this actually and that's upsetting for everyone.#the destruction of the hat is certainly another path to take. Can you make this work without that hat going up in flames?#something you have always had and have been clinging to will have to be destroyed. You have to lose something now. This is the crux qifrey#I CANT GET IT OUT IN ONE COMIC!!! I CANT DRAW IT OUT!!!! I NEEDED THOSE FICS!!!! PRAISE WORDS!!!! whatever im going to have dinner now
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once again another repost from my twt
bc i keep doing that for some reason. anyways some radar thoughts 2nite he is normal and has no problems
#i also didnt mention this but another thing i wanted to mention abt me seeing radar as autistic is i skimmed through the transcripts#and him being incredibly close to lluna and defending her like “don't hurt her feelings!” if you take her and leave nurm#bc jack takes it out on lluna and radars like Do not.#just think its an interesting moment of characterization. dont blame jack for that either though his villager husband is in a cage but also#like its just interesting to see how some of these characters tick. idk#another thing:#could you imagine if mcsm had multiple endnigs like aitsf/ze. god#ok but to my original point: a lot of characterizations of him arent like. wrong. tjhis isnt me being like wow im better than everyone else#its technically right. and is fair and valid#as long as youre not being weird and infantalizing abt it#but im just noticing how funny the contrast is. the radar in my head is so different i need to conjure up the will to draw how i see him#its not rly too diff from how most ppl do its just i lean into his issues and flaws and trauma a bit more#if anyone wants me to elaborate a bit more on that last part i can (not Much more that i didnt say but just like. yeah) but this is a lot o#tags already so im gonna stop it here#mcsm#minecraft story mode#mcsm radar#radar mcsm#trevor.txt
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> be a robin buckley fan
> be lesbian
> project on robin
> look up "internalized homophobia robin buckley" on tumblr because it's cathartic
> 3/4 of the posts are about st3ddie or just about steve
#saw one in which steve was like ''no robin you don't understand! i have never been loved! i don't know how that feels like!''#i have several grips about that interpretation#going from the fact that's not true (dustin is clearly a big steve fan + robin herself cares about him deeply)#to the fact he probably wouldn't be introspective enough to voice his emotions this concisely not to mention he'd probably wouldn't take#a moment to realize he's never felt loved if that were the case. i mean. he could think that. when he's like 35 and more in touch with his#inner world. 19yo steve can't even get the hint that hitting on a girl who's already clearly taken (nancy) is wrong so like i don't expect#him to be that smart#but i can live with people having takes i don't agree with. my opinion doesn't have to be everyone else's opinion if you see steve that way#it fine#what bothered me was the fact he was saying this to a lesbian living in the 80s lmao#who tells him that 1) her whole life has been an error 2) she doesn't think he'd want to be close to her if he truly knew her and 3)#3) is paralyzed by fear of social suicide if she dares believe for even a second that the girl she likes may like her too#like i dont need people to do deep dives into robin lore and quote from memory lines from Surviving Hawkins abt robin feeling like she's#rotten inside. not supposed to have friends. feeling like something is wrong with her and that pushes people away etc etc#the fact that she's a lesbian should tell you enough abt who has the biggest chances of being loved 😭#also bothered me that it showed up when looking up posts abt internalized homophobia because?? where's the internalized homophobia therw#unless it's gay steve feeling bad abt it in an AU (as if canon robin didn't go through it)#like look im not bothered to find steve-centric content in the robin tag cos people are gonna tag her in posts mentioning her.#she's his friend.#but there are barely any posts at all about robin's internalized homophobia. like i saw 2 or 3. compared to all the steve or steddie ones#where's the love for my babygirl 😭😭#anti steddie#not really but y'know i don't wanna bother anyone#edit: the bit about there being like 3 posts on robin w internalized homophobia isn't exactly true. there are a few. but they still feel#drowned in st3ddie posts#like something isn't right here
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keep your flirting in your dms pls it’s so cringe seeing it all over my tl
idk who u are but unfollow and/or block me hello???? maybe even filter my isiah tag if you'd like.
#!@ messages <3 .#!@ anon <3 .#i understand that u dont like it and i respect that but this is also my blog.#yall need to let ppl live cus like hello. its my rs and my blog respectfully i understand but im posting what i want on my blog.#im not letting anyone else control my acc.#you may unfollow and or block me. or filter tags you for posts you dont wanna see but do what you want lovey.#im sorry if it bothers you<3 have a good day. or feel free to spam asks abt being cringed out. i do not mind.
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sigh. need to figure out how to break it to my twitter mutuals im not exclus anymore and am very much a fagdyke
#slur reclaiming#(i can tag specific slurs if anyone needs me to !)#junos talk tag#like idk how to explain that i am very much ok with some peoples definition of Their Own Attraction excluding men#but also not that doesn't mean we should define everyone under the same label as having the exact samd experience yknow??#(i say this because a lot lot lot of my mutuals on main are lesbians who dont include men in their sexuality and thats ok!)#but not all lesbians exclude men from their attraction! some lesbians are men! let people identify however they want oh my godddd#also they'd be shitting themselves over me reclaiming the d slur as someone who isnt a lesbian#something something that one left at london tweet#i dont personally identify as a lesbian bc i just dont feel like it fits me rn but that is subject to change possibly!#im so used to lesbian being solely an exclusive term that it still feels weird to call myself one. i may call myself lesbian in the future!#but either way. im sapphic i can say dyke! do you think homophobes and lesbiphobes give a singular fuck that im nonbinary bisexual#🩵🤍🩵#🩷🤍🩷
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Wait shit people might actually care about me
#sorryyy for the personal posts lmao just not having a great time lately . ill go back to posting abt fandom stuff soon dw#hopefully the self loathing phase is over now cuz i really didnt enjoy that!#mf got me thinking thay everyone secretly hates me n itd be better if i was dead ahahaha#but like. my friends talk to me daily. my mutuals love me. i didnt go to school for like 3 days and my classmate who im kindaaa friends wit#texted me saying. and i quote “Hi [name]. I know its late but i hope your doing well. Hope to cya tmr.” (the full stops symbolize each text#cuz she sent three seperate texts)#and i was just. so flabbergasted at that#i didnt rlly think anyone would really notice if i was gone#i didnt think anyone cared me enough for that#i thought theyd just be indifferent to it#also i sound pathetic rn but i reread that girl's text over n over again when she sent rhat. was literally on the brink of tears#and i just. wow.#people might actually care for me. they might actuallynotice when im gone. they might actually miss me#ive been so inside my head n thinking allat bad stuff about myself that i. didnt think that people might see me differently than the way#i saw myself#really and truly i love you guys so much#even if we've never talked to each pther before or interact very little. i appreciate all of you. you guys rock#anyways aha i should stop rambling now loll. as for now i think im doing a bit better#life still sucks but hey at least i have my friends. at least i dont hate myself anymore now#at least now i dont believe that everyone was being friends with me out of pity#thank you all for everything :')#man i need a hug rn lmao#tw vent#tw sui implied#tw sui ideation#tw self loathing#tw self destructive behavior#<- dw about the tags i dont feel/do those anymore#if you wanna talk to me abt this or just talk in general hit me up!! i love talking to ppl i dont like being alone xd#love youu <33
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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wait actually this one post makes a good point i wish there was actually tags to separate between hsr and hi3 bronseele and on that note actually any of the overlapping characters alskdjfha but the search engine sucks ass on this website so you'll always have overlap either way i think :I
#LIKE !!!!! OK!!!!!! I DO REALLY LIKE BRONSEELE!!!!! BUT ALSO!!!!!! I LIKE HI3 BRONSEELE AND WISH TO LOOK AT STUFF FOR THEM NOT HSR!!!!!!!!!#whhhh i was running into the same problem with cocolia before too T _ T#and its fINE because i saw some servalia while doing so but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T _ T come onnnnnnnnnn i just wanna look at hi3 stuuuuuuffff#ok maybe this is also like. the worlds sign for me to STOP JUMPING INTO THE TAGS INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME AND STOP SPOILING YOURSELF#but T _ T#i could also just go bother my friends as well about hi3 but i also dont wanna be a bother#... so i decide to. bother? everyone???? by posting????#illogical.#IT IS DISTRIBUTED ANNOYANCE#anyways point is: i like bronseele's dynamic a lot in hi3#it actually made me appreciate the bronseele dynamic more in hsr bc i can see where it takes inspiration from#though i feel that the dynamic got switched around for hsr bronseele#but ill spare talking about that LAKSJDFALKSH#snow plays hi3#i /guess/ im starting a tag on that its fine lmao#anyways if anyones interested i have plans to finish ch 11 and 11 ex tonight.#'but snow thats like 3 hours long and its near bed time' listen i am on a mission. the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that#i told myself i should finish reviewing (but am Very distracted)#and the fact that the game Also is like 'girl you need to STOP YOURE OUT OF STAMINA'#watch me down all these energy drinks (idk what they are) THEN TELL ME I NEED TO STOP#besides i had a pretty good day re: studying today and ive been doing good with my questions ^u^#so im bout to beat the holy shit out of this exam. whether the exam likes it or not i Will Eviscerate You.#that and i need to recuperate because I was burned out pretty bad today but when i came back from getting lost (wandering around) for like#hours i did fine so weehee#break day and then we'll be in the long haul till tuesday myeheh
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do yall see one of your friends being a massive jerk and doing something slightly offensive and you fucking have a verbal fight w them in your head
like, you're a great friend! but if you don't shut the fick up and listen why this is offensive then we can't even be friends anymore
#adam's vent tag#this needs a lot of context in too tired to write#but#implying (in a joking manner no less) that someone in the room (metaphorically) is gay/trans to very obviously homo/transphobic classmates#does so much harm#like if someone comes out to you you keep your mouth shut even if they're a walking pride flag#just shut the fuck up#it's not that difficult#another small ick i have w this friend#is that i told him i wasn't very comfortable with my classmates jokes#(they were 'joking' about killing and shooting boys that wear dresses)#and that i also didn't feel safe around them#and he responded w 'theyre just joking. why are you taking them seriously?'#with a straight fucking face#do i even need to explain why this is fucked up to say to a trans kid? (or anyone)#i could give a million different examples of this#you can literally excuse an bad behaviour with this logic#if you can do that then i dont really trust you#anyway im ranting and rambling#and i want to strangle him!!!
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beach boys themed old man west coast road trip around the us gp
#f1 rpf#and there was only one bed!!!#i want to write a fic for this but i dont have the time so drawings only for now#the only thing im adamant on is that when they share the bed seb is in the middle because he kicks if he isn't held properly#also seb and dan are disgustingly cuddly. gordian knot of guy.#they hike yosemite and drive a california gt#also they go to big sur and it's misty and beautiful and they see seal elephants.#and they stay at cheap motels and almost get kicked out for doing cannonballs in the shitty motel pool#ok these were all my thoughts on old men road trip#you can tell i drew this some time ago from sebs hair length. back then i still had hope id get it written in time for usgp. haha.#idk if i need to tag this as f1 rpf but eh whatever better safe than sorry#my favorite throuple <3 theyre so special to me#oh also. btw. if anyone feels inspired to write. a fic. about sebdanlewis road trip. please.#and yes. they have matching heart sunglasses
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listening to ants from up there like a normal healthy person that has relationships that they know will thrive and will not be lost and is certain of their future and enjoys whats happening today and what was happening yesterday and last week and last month. and im cool about it
#ants from up there#intro#chaos space marine#concorde#bread song#good will hunting#haldern#mark's theme#the place where he inserted the blade#snow globes#basketball shoes#guys dont listen to this album it makes you cry a lot#and crying is bad (true)#anyways is anyone else thinking about anything#help#help core lolllll#i have no idea whats in store and ive never liked that ever#i need a react image where a person is staring death into the camera especially now#because ive been feeling it so so so much more lately than before and ive felt it so hard since before summer#i really have no idea how much better this is than jobless summer mentally#i mean in a way it has to be better than summer school summer but at least then i had the inbetween week of the two terms#and yes thankfully i have parents who have enough money to spend two weeks of vacation out of the country which is coming up on saturday#and it will be relaxing ignoring the socializing of family i havent seen in 5 years#but so much of the past month has felt like ive only done work#i feel like my mind is consumed by my job and i really dont know if i like this state of being more than my jobless state of being#i also havent had a workless summer since grade 10 and i was still insecure about my friend group so i didnt go to a lot of the hangouts#but in grade 11 and this year i totally couldve gone to more and felt like i made more worthwhile memories#i wanna say more but tumblr doesnt let you do more than 30 tags#long one#goomb thot
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.
#dont know if i can stay here til tuesday#what am i even trying to prove#is the crying every approx 2 hours just due to fuckin hormones#i want to hear from you more but i shouldnt need to#when will a conversation with my mother not feel like someone is reaching into my chest and squeezing#will i get through an entire night while here without having to have a drink#relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse re#way to make myself feel even more like im 15 again by venting in the tags of an empty tumblr post#i just dont want certain people who have my private twitter to see this#but when i cant talk to anyone who knows and cares about me i can always talk to hundreds of strangers on the internet (and also some#people who do know me hiiiiii if you read this i am okay)#i miss living (a week ago a year ago 5 years ago never)#too much love nothing to do with it#except cry and drink i guess#maybe try and see A Single Star in the suburban london sky#i used to love it here#i miss my old friends but cant talk to them i miss alex and patrick and kris and travis and gargi and alex the most#i dont want to think in my own brain anymore i cant fucking wait til buxton i need to act again get me out of ym fucking head
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Just ignore the haters - my brothers have huge collections of stuff like video game related and nobody says anything. They're having to sell some of it because of space but someone commented they thought the bedroom in the photo background was a shop because that's what it looks like lol. I have a bookcase of dolls and miniatures and my mom is like that's too much, it's weird, you're an adult etc so annoying
That sounds sooo cool. Your brothers are lucky they can get away with collecting so much and not get judged for it
It really is annoying when parents and other people make comments about how strange a toy collecting hobby is though, huh? For the most part I do try to ignore the haters. But I have crappy self esteem, so when somebody makes comments about my plushie collection sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and self conscious. But plushies make me happy, and there's so few things in this world that can bring me only pure joy. So I try to focus on how I feel about stuffed animals and not what others think or feel about them. They can go be miserable somewhere else, I'm gonna sit here and have fun with my toys. Nobody should say anything about what makes others happy, as long as its not smth harmful (which this definitely isn't).
#It just sucks that people think their opinion is so important that they feel the need to bring you down with it.#I personally think things like star wars or soap operas or cars or whatever are uninteresting and boring#but I don't go around telling people that and shaming them for being into those things#or collecting items related to them#if it makes you happy and its not hurting anyone or putting you in debt go for it! enjoy what you like!!#some people are just so miserable I swear#sorry you dont have something in your life that brings you this much joy#sorry you're jealous that there isn't a hobby that can make you smile simply by looking at the object of your affection#it isn't my problem. you go over there and pout about how you precieve smth like cloth shaped like an animal to be childish#while I sit here in my magical world of whimsy surrounded by all these adorable animal friends#I always say the main reason I collect plushies is because I don't have the space or means to house a whole zoo's worth of real animals#that would also be unethical and I wouldn't wanna do that to animals#especially ones that can't survive long in captivity such as great whote sharks#but I also collect stuffed animals because they're cute#thats enough reason to own smth imo#sorry to ramble in the tags#viti shoosh
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GAAHAHHHHH
#venting in the tags#maybe its just past darkness and the Bad Thoughts which i shouldnt listen to are clouding my brain too much#but i feel so fucking weird and inadequate over everything rn#im unable to work on drawings as i usually would have and its kinda plaguing everything which it should like yeah i love drawing but#i cant let just one aspect of me ruin everything. right? the fact that i havent been able to draw as well as i usually can should make me#feel sick to the stomach and unsure about everything i do but it happening and i hate it.#plus i got the ipad id saved up from the comms to buy and its fun and nice and all and maybe i just need more practice with it but i feel#like im not able to draw on it even more? and i spent the whole day trying to get used to it but its just not as good?? and then when i went#back to the no screen wacom i couldnt get a hang of it becuase idek its just not happening#and also the fucking art block wants me dead i swear i want to draw so bad and i have so many ideas but the moment i start anything its just#crumbles down into nothingness and i hate everything i do and gods fuck i want to cry but i can because there are people at home and#usually im a big 'crybaby' when im at home but i dont fucjing wanna be like that anymore like i can handly my shit myself im fine.#i dont need to just fuckinf cry abiut it becuase thats not gonna fox anything but also i feel like crying might just make me feel better#but then id have to hear shit from my family and i know theyre just teasing in a /pos way but i dont wanna fucking deal with that#plus my brother iust talking to him os annoying sometimes like he talks about things so condescendingly and fucking hel dude shut#the fuck up i dont need you telling me that my art is something people can 'just do' and the fact that i was able to get the ipad#'basically for free since i got that money from the little drawings i make' as if they dont fucking mean anything to you like#shut the fucking fuck up dude i worked hard on those and even though i dont like my own shit sometimes i still fucking work hard on those#fuck you you bitch#i think a lot of things are just piling up and i need to sleep#tomorrow will be a new dawn and a fresh start and maybe ill hate myself less#ps. note to anyone reading the tags#im fine i just needed to yell out and express my frustration a bit. some sleep will help surely.
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