raisedbythetv89 · 6 months ago
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So I started watching btvs in 2020 and spuffy especially really got me through a lot during that time. I maybe watched the show 40-50 times in a 3 year span but this week three separate details from season 6 ABOUT SPIKE have been brought to my attention and I fear every rewatch I have just been entirely too horny and distracted just staring at James to properly pay attention to his performance and process everything he’s got going on 💀😭💀😭💀
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feerz · 6 months ago
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Ranking all the Jesuses from every version I've watched/listened to so far
without further ado let's get into it 🙌
Ian Gillan - 1970 Original concept album
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The True Doer that you cannot outdo. The og who made this role what it is today. And since the og album was were I got my start and obsession with jcs, I have a huge fondness for him. There's just something so- so... about him. His vocals? Insane, fantastic, the golden standard. His Gethsemane is Everything. He raised the bar so high (literally lol) and made this role harder for everyone that came after him and I respect that. I also love his characterisation. He is a rockstar and he knows it. Adore this whiny ass messiah and his dramatics. 9/10
Ted Neeley - 1973 movie
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Sad little mouse man. He's like some small rodent to me. His gethsemane is iconic, but beyond it I don't care to much about his Jesus. He's perfectly inoffensive, but I find him a bit boring. Poor guy also had the disadvantage of performing against Carl Anderson, who's too powerful and who commanded every scene he was in, outshining Jesus. Tedsus is not for me personally, but he's definitely not bad. 6/10
Camilo Sesto - Madrid 1975 album
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I like him! He reminds me of Ian's Jesus but sadder (love to see it). Really good vocals. That 'POR QUE' ate. And his Gethsemane in general too. I don't have that much to say besides that, but Señor Sesto is really good in this role. 8/10
James Whitson - San Jose Civic Light Opera's 1990 production
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Uhhhhhhh. Watched this in a discord watch party and for half of it we were thought this was Ted. It wasn't. Don't really know what to say, there wasn't anything really memorable or notable about him. Also has the disadvantage of being pared up with Carl Anderson, except it's even worse here. If Carl was anywhere near him, no chance I was paying attention to Jesus. Um... he chased Santa out of the Temple! That's something! 3/10
Steve Balsamo - 1996 London revival album
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Steve Balsamo Jesus, my dearly beloved. How can you not love him. Just rewatch his Gethsemane for the 1000th time. His vocals are out of this world, man has organ pipes in place of vocal chords. Props to him for actually crying in gethsemane and still killing it. Absolutely fantastic. And his beautiful hair and those brown eyes really add to it. He's such a sad pathetic man, it's great. No complaints 10/10
Glenn Carter - 2000 movie
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I'm shaking, please buy him brown contacts. I am a glensus hater, although I have to admit that during my second viewing I didn't dislike him as much. Easily my least favourite gethsemane (lmm excluded), except his delivery of "what you started, I didn't start it", that was surprisingly good. Again, I'm a hater but bonus points for the entertainment factor. 4/10
Paul Nolan - 2012 Broadway revival
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BORING! Sorry your trouple doesn't save you from being so incredibly bland. It's like looking at a white wall that has just been painted over and you're watching it dry. Gethsemane is solid vocally, I like his interactions with others. But Jesus himself? No thanks. The staging of the crucifixion was so great, but then there he is with his mouth agape like a baby bird being fed and unconvincing "suffering". Also, no blood? 3/10
Ben Forster - 2012 UK Arena tour
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THIS IS THE ONE. My roman empire. My most dear blorbo. He's been living in my head rent free for months. I love him so much. He's just so incredibly stressed out and angsty and pathetic and constantly on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. His gethsemane is my favourite. Just pretty much everything I could want from a performance of it. The way he curls up on the floor? The little moments when his voice breaks a bit from emotion?? The knee thing??? Great, fantastic, stunning, no notes. Also I adore his costuming, finally Jesus is given something more interesting. 11/10
John Legend - 2018 NBC
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Hot take, but he's not nearly as bad as people make him out to be. He's just fine. I do enjoy his voice, Poor Jerusalem is especially good. Although I don't love his acting in the second act, but I really liked him in the first one. This Jesus just seems really nice and friendly and I love that. Gethsemane is solid vocally, even without the G5. Anyways he's not bad at all! 6/10
Andrew Latobesi - 2018 Villanova College
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This was another wildcard from the watch party. Jesus didn't stand out much because we were all a bit distracted by Judi. And Mary. He was bland and the acting was not fantastic, but this is a high school prod, and for what it's worth he's not bad. Gethsemane was solid enough considering everything. The crucifixion surprisingly hit, good crying there. ??/10 since I don't think it would be fair to rank him against all those adult professional performers.
Jack Hopewell - 50th Anniversary North America tour
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The only Jesus that made me cry while watching. He suffers real good (and looks very pretty while doing so). He's just so- so... I just wanted to wrap him up in a soft blanket and give him a kiss on the forehead and feed him soup. Tbh I think he's one of the best vocally too. His high note is my fav. Gethsemane in general is just great too. Love how much he's just some silly guy who then has to face the Horrors. He's just very cute :] 10/10
Jeangu Macrooy - 2024 Netherlands national tour
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The most poor little meow meow Jesus ever. He's so pathetic it's great. Him smiling and being happy was also so cute. Really good vocals too, man killed those high notes. His gethsemane too... Jeangu Macrooy absolutely steels the show and it's fantastic and incredibly heartbreaking. Want to see his performance again so so badly. In the meantime everyone should check out a snippet of his performance 10/10
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alitgblog · 5 months ago
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litg characters I'd cast in romcoms
When Harry Met Sally: Seb as Harry!! Then Genevieve as his ex, Tom as MC's (Sally's) ex, Nicky as Seb's best friend, Elladine as MC's best friend
I actually have this all sorted how this would work out but my post got deleted 😭
Notting Hill: Jin as Hugh Grant's character (forgot his name lol) because in my head he's history nerd so like just imagine him in cozy sweaters okay. He's got that wacky roommate whose name I have also forgotten and naturally if we had to pick from S8, Liam, but I also think Jamal would be a fun pick (make the roommate less wacky and more just fun and wild though). The other version of this is Jake as as the main character with his roommate Tim.
Legally Blonde (and I'm going based off the musical): Literally only here because I know I can cast the lawyers, like clearly Suresh as Warner (and oh lean heavily on the implication that he cheated on MC while they were dating) and Blake or Marisol as Vivienne (I like her being cut throat but still looking for love). I'd really like Hari as Emmett because they have a backstory of working hard for their dream and would have a fun banter with the main character without being overly cheery and also is very competitive when needs to be although may be an underdog, but lowkey could also be anyone that has the very grounded boy next door vibe so like Tyler, Rohan, Jake, James, and Lewie are also good picks imo. The other sorority girls needs to include Chelsea, Thabi, basically any of MC's besties (...minus Amelia). It's hard to think of anyone as Paulette because she's an older character and everyone in the game is pretty young but we can further my Angie x Cora agenda and have it be Angie talking about her lost love and then in comes the hot deliverywoman, Cora. She also has like sage advice vibes when she's in the villa sometimes so I think that works.
She's All That: Gary as the main guy. Eddie as his shitty best friend. I don't know why but this came so quickly to me I'm not sure I'd even have to explain but like Gary gives off cool guy / player vibes but I'd also see him absolutely get into or at least support whatever weird artsy stuff his girlfriend is into and have a character arc and all that.
While You Were Sleeping: the OG "I fell in love with your brother while you were away" story, so clearly Ozzy as Peter, Marshall as the brother, Grace as the girl Ozzy's actually dating
How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days: Because I've already said Gary for a different romcom, I'm inclined to have the suave ladies man esque character be Will or Youcef. I also think an evolved Suresh or Finn or Mason or Levi could work. Often I forget about her but I think Lulu would be a fun whatever Kathryn Hahn's character's name is.
A Cinderella Story (the Hilary Duff version): I think the fandom's go to "I don't wanna do what my dad says" character may be Lucas but I want to give Oliver a chance as the sweet lead even though I remember nothing about his backstory in game. MC's best friend can be someone a little dorky and the only person coming to mind right now is Felix.
Ten Things I Hate About You: Again, a reformed Finn could've been so good. Instead, we're going for mysterious and brooding so I think Joyo is a good choice for Patrick. Then to continue the streak of me remembering S7 characters, I think Raf could be a good Cameron because he's got that innocence and silliness that works. Then we need the friend that gives Raf an explanation of how things work and I could see that going to Andy because he's a little silly and dorky but mostly pretty confident (slightly different vibe from the character but that's fine). Other option, Bruno. In the movie, I believe he also ends up with Kat's best friend, who I just remember being very confident and alternative vibes so I think Najuma, Cora, Bella, or Lottie for her. We also need Kat's sister Bianca, and that could be easy and I say it's Amelia, or we could pick a tolerable option like Bea. There's also the guy Bianca initially has a crush on, and dare I say we pick Toby?? Just a character that's full of nothing. Or it could just be someone pretty like Levi or someone rich and an asshole like Miles or Jasper. All I remember about Bianca's bestie is that she backstabs her at the end and since fusebox hates women that could be a number of characters but my pick is Sophie or Erikah.
I could go on forever so I must I choose to stop now before I get carried away 🤣
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eldritchsurveys · 4 years ago
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944.
Any cool small businesses in your area? >> There are a lot of small businesses in this area. The ones I tend to patronise are food-oriented and I usually find them through the farmer’s market -- like People’s Cider Company and Sacred Springs Kombucha and Donut Garden.
If you use libraries, what is the largest overdue fine you've ever had? >> The last time I had an outstanding fine, I was still in NYC. I think the worst fine I had was for Queens Library, it was a couple hundred dollars. I don’t remember what actually happened to the books I’d borrowed but I’m pretty sure they got lost somehow when I was being ping-ponged from shelter to shelter.
Do you ever borrow things other than books from the library? >> Not anymore, but I used to borrow CDs a lot.
Are there still any movie rental places left where you live? >> Yeah, there’s a Family Video right down the street from me.
Do you ever buy secondhand books (or DVDs, video games, CDs)? Or do you prefer them to be brand new? >> If I can find a book I want secondhand, then you’re damn skippy I’m buying it secondhand. And I hope to god a previous owner wrote in it because I love finding other people’s margin scribblings in books.
Have you seen the version of The Addams Family with Tim Curry as Gomez? >> I have not. But, related, I just rewatched Addams Family Values today, which I looooove.
What was the last TV show you were hooked on? >> The last TV show I got into is Lovecraft Country.
Have you ever started a book and never finished it? >> Plenty of times. Usually because the book turns out to be boring to me.
Do you have a favorite drummer? Who? >> No.
What about a favorite guitarist? Who? >> No.
Do you ever write fanfic? Of what? >> I... well, I used to. I mean, I still want to, I still think of it as part of my identity, but I haven’t been able to think of anything worth writing in quite a while now. I usually write for video game fandoms (like Dragon Age, Fallout, that sort of thing), although I’ve written a few things for shows and movies too.
Do you ever READ fanfic? Of what? >> I don’t usually read it, unless someone I know on tumblr wrote it or something (and I have to at least be somewhat familiar with the fandom).
Do you have a favorite poet? >> I don’t think so.
How many members are in the last band you listened to? >> I don’t remember the last band I listened to, but the last thing I listened to was my Release Radar playlist on Spotify, so there’s a high likelihood I don’t even know the last band I listened to.
Do you have a favorite classical composer? >> Funny you should mention that, because I just saved two “getting started with classical music”-type playlists on Spotify so I can listen to them later (when it’s not, you know, almost my bedtime lol). I want to figure out what my particular style is. Like, I love Lacrimosa, for example -- I want more songs like that, and also songs that just fuck you up with stringed instruments. I have to figure out which composers tend to make which kinds of songs and shit.
Do you ever accidentally clip your toenails too short and they hurt? >> No.
Have you ever had multicolored/rainbow hair? If not, would you ever want it? >> I’ve never had it. I don’t think I’d go for that, white/grey hair is more my style these days.
What kind of hats, if any, do you like to wear? >> Beanies.
Have you ever thought somebody was cute but no longer found them attractive once you got to know them better? What specifically about them turned you off? >> I don’t think so. I mean, maybe, but I just don’t remember any situation like that.
Have you ever thought somebody was plain-looking, but found them attractive once you got to know them better? What specifically about them made them so beautiful? >> Likewise, I wouldn’t remember a situation like this, either.
What is your #1 dealbreaker with friendships? (Why you wouldn't be friends) >> I don’t know what my “#1 dealbreaker” would be. I’m just really discerning about the kinds of people I even would allow close enough for friendship.
Who is your favorite character on Bob's Burgers and why? (If you watch it) >> Louise. Because she’s a clever wicked bastard and I love her.
What songs do you never get tired of? >> Oh, I don’t know.
Have you ever had a retro celebrity crush? Like a crush on an "old" celebrity who was most famous a long time ago or is long dead? >> Yeah, I’ve had a crush on James Stewart since I was literally like 10 years old.
Before buying something in a store, do you look online to see if you can get it cheaper there? >> Not usually. Especially since I know a search like that will put me face to face with Amazon for the zillionth time and I’m fucking sick of Amazon.
What type of things do you prefer to purchase online? >> I don’t know that I have a preference for online purchasing. It’s usually a matter of efficiency or convenience.
Are you interested in fashion? >> Yeah, I think the whole industry is just really interesting and intricate, particularly haute couture.
Do you prefer beef or chicken tacos? >> Meh.
Have you ever tried fish tacos? How were they? >> I love fish tacos.
Have you ever worn leather (or imitation leather) pants? >> No.
What part of your body seems to get cold the most? >> I’m not sure. My problem is usually being too hot, not too cold.
What do you like better, pants or shorts? >> Pants. I wear shorts sometimes in the summer because of the heat, but I don’t enjoy it.
Have you ever wished you had a different eye color? >> Yeah.
Do you know anybody with two different colored eyes? >> No.
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lenavonschweetz · 6 years ago
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Agent Insert
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Synopsis: You really didn’t mean to, but somehow you’d stumbled upon something called Tumblr - and in turn fanfiction.  You may or may not get addicted to reader inserts featuring your favorite teammate.  You may or may not get caught.
Warnings:  Smut, second-hand embarrassment, adorable Bucky, fanfiction cliches, fanfiction cliches turned on their heads, fluffy smut.  It’s ok (and quite adorable, honestly) to laugh during sexytimes.
A/N:  I’m literally writing this smut at the kitchen table inches away from my aunt and mom with a poker face and they have no idea.  If that doesn’t describe my life as an author, idk what does lol
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You’d had a thing for Bucky longer than you could remember.
It probably all started when Steve joined up and created this little ragtag team and took to you immediately. Your calming presence and warm smile lured him in and you became fast friends, giving Steve a bond he hadn’t felt in a long time. You were the only one he trusted enough to tell about Bucky. He spoke of his suave friend with bucket loads of admiration and when he told stories of their shenanigans back in the day, his eyes would light up. You fell in love with the idea of a man glorious enough to make even displaced, war-scarred old Steve smile like a kid in Brooklyn again.
They say reality never lives up to the stories, but lord almighty were they wrong.
You first met Bucky when the business of the accords was in full swing, at the airport parking lot where you introduced Scott to the rest of the team. He hung back in Steve and Sam’s tiny car, head hanging quietly as Scott got acquainted with everyone. You remember your eyes had wandered to his dark figure, head reeling as you realized this was the man who haunted your dreams. The infamous ladies man and fearsome soldier, James Buchanan Barnes.
The soldier of your dreams sat right until an announcement over the loudspeaker in another language rang through the parking garage and stumped all of you.
“They’re evacuating the airport.” He offered, no doubt picking up on the confusion on everyone’s faces at the foreign words. At the sound of his voice, your eyes snapped up and immediately found his.
You hadn’t believed in love at first sight, but the way his impossibly blue eyes made you heart clench… Well, there was no denying this is exactly what was happening.
Months passed and the super-soldier stayed in Wakanda, as did you. Steve stayed by your side as you both awaited Bucky’s ‘defrost’ and when it finally happened, the first person Bucky smiled at was you.
Just like when you met Steve, the two of you became fast friends. He trusted you with his recovery enough to confide in you and try to make new memories with you. You even led him on his first several field missions and, as senior officer, had the final say in whether he belonged in the Avengers or not.
Of course, you said yes.
Over the months, your team became a symbol of hope and even unlikely celebrities. The attention was foreign, but not entirely unwelcome. You could get used to being stopped on the street, though you would never let your guard down, constantly aware of the fact that enemies could use this newfound fame to corner you and the team. Luckily though, you were almost always with Bucky when out and about and the large bear of a man effectively scared off any would-be assailants.
Kids adored you, constantly asking for your autographs, while adults asked for selfies and thanked you for your service. Although perhaps your favorite attention to come from the fame was from Tumblr.
Folks from all over the world posted about the team, of their love for specific members. Paparazzi photos of you would pop up from time to time, but yours were pretty scarce. The only ones that were taken almost always had Bucky glaring right at the camera as you smiled at him. You’d have been embarrassed that you’d been caught on film so many times staring at him, but who could blame you? He was an Adonis! 
People picked up on the stares though. 
Some users sided with you “she’s only human! And he is just so…well, look at him!” Other’s condemned you. “Seriously? How could he ever notice someone like her? #BuckDeservesBetter”
Those stung. But if growing up in the 21st century taught you anything, it’s that fans were only jealous and no one was safe. You could ignore the hate though.
What you couldn’t ignore was the fanfiction. 
Oh goodness, the fanfiction.
What seemed to be most popular were the reader inserts with your gorgeous teammate, and you didn’t mind indulging in them one little bit. Some were sweet and cute, others left you dashing for a cold shower after. It stunned you that these writers were able to capture Bucky’s mannerisms and personality so well! And these works were just so addicting!
It became a daily thing, finding a new fic, and reading it in the safety of your room where no one could see or judge. You read reader inserts, stories with original characters, and may or may not have found a guilty pleasure in a teensy bit of Stucky (who could deny the two perfect specimens would be hot as hell together??).  You steered clear of the Nat x Bucky fics, though, like your life depended on it. 
That was one torture you just couldn’t expose yourself to.
Then you stumbled over the one that changed everything. A new fic by one of your favorite authors that featured Bucky (of course) and…you. It was a prompt you hadn’t read before, one where the two of you had to share a hotel room with only one bed and things got hot and heavy. Your heart raced as you indulged in this fantasy, thinking of all the times you had to share a room with your teammates, though there was always more than one bed. You had never shared with Bucky, as he usually bunked with Steve while you bunked with Nat, but a girl can dream can’t she?
And dream you did.
The story became a constant thought in the back of your mind and when you and Buck were assigned to a duet mission together, you felt your heart stop. At the hotel when checking in, you were given one room and your mind ran ramped.  Had he read your phone’s history? Did he find your Tumblr? What if he had read the sinful story you’d found and wanted to live out the fantasy with you (another of your favorite prompts). The thoughts had you following silently behind your partner, heart racing as he smiled at you while his deft fingers unlocked the door. Steeling yourself as you walked inside behind him, you dropped your bags and spun around to find… 2 beds.
Oh.
Well, you supposed your dirty fantasies were just that; Fantasies.
The night crawled on with no notable incidents -unfortunately-, and when it was finally time to call it a night, you both fell into your own beds.
Sleep evaded you for hours. The thought of that perfect body lying just feet away from you swam in the back of your mind. You could easily get up, crawl into bed with him, and make all your dreams come true. The fantasies that filled your head made you anything but tired.
Well, that, and the fact that Bucky was snoring like a mother fucking buzz saw.
Your wide, dry eyes stared up at the ceiling as the loud rumbles filled the room. Bucky had come a long way - with your help - and no longer had nightly terrors. Of course, they still happened on occasion, but they were a rare occurrence now.  The super soldier often found himself sleeping soundly through most nights, including this one.
He was the only one who would, it seemed, as you tossed and turned, doing your best to tune out the irritating sound. You put earplugs in, then headphones playing music, then even a track of the white noise of New York: taxi’s, people talking shouting on the streets, and so many different sounds overlapping that you could barely differentiate it all. It usually knocked you right out on a mission.
But Bucky snored over it.
You did your best to ignore it, you really did, but when he rolled over onto his back and started with a newfound volume, you’d decided you’d had enough.
“Bucky.”  You say lowly, hoping that he’ll sleep through the disturbance, but that his subconscious will hear his name and disturb his sleep just enough that he’ll shut the hell up.
The resounding snort proves that theory wrong.
“Bucky!”  You snap, louder now.  Nothing.  “James!”
A few moments pass…
Nothing…
Maybe it worked!  Maybe-
Yeah, no,  there he goes again.
Groaning loudly, you sit up and reach for your phone.  Fine, if his hard-sleeping-ass can sleep through all that, then he could sleep with the light from your phone filling the room as well.
You open your favorite app, the blue screen greeting your tired eyes.  Switching over from the homepage feed, you type ‘Bucky x reader’ into the app’s search bar and your screen is immediately flooded with fic after fic.  Pursing your lips, you decide to narrow your search.  It doesn’t seem like you’ll be falling asleep any time soon, so what would the harm be?  You let your thumbs fly over the screen’s keyboard.
Bucky x reader smut.
Happy with your amendment, you hit ‘search’ once more and decide to take a walk on the wild side.
Immediately, your screen is flooded with sin and you bite back a smile.  With your screen’s light as low as it’ll go, you click on the first story and settle into a comfortable position, facing away from Bucky and the window as you immerse yourself in the fic.
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You’ve probably been reading for about an hour or so when your bladder decides it’s time for you to get up.  Sighing quietly, you leave your phone on your pillow, creeping through the silent room.  As soon as you’ve taken care of business and washed up, you tiptoe back to bed.  As you all but fall into the sheets, feeling like you can finally sleep, you realize your phone is not where you left it.
Hell, it’s not even in the bed.
Sitting up in fright, your eyes dart across the room and the sleeping man in the bed opposite yours.  When you see the dimly glowing screen on the bedside table, you sigh in relief, telling yourself that your sleep-deprived brain probably just didn’t register you putting it away.  Locking the screen with sleepy eyes, you drift off to sleep with visions of Bucky trailing kisses down your neck flitting behind your eyes.
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The morning comes much too quickly for your taste, but you push yourself out of bed to face the day ahead.
You grab your bag quickly, packing up all your belongings as you and Bucky prepare for your mission.  He’s oddly quiet this morning, barely meeting your eyes as you two embark the hotel room.  Shrugging it off, you follow behind him and before you know it, the two of you are standing before the doors to a known Hydra sympathizer’s office building.  It’s far too early for anyone to be there, so breaking in is easier than you’d expected and the two of you don’t run into any trouble as you make your way to the top floor.
Once there, you put your plan into motion, Bucky taking a defensive position as you sneak into the agent’s office.  You plug in your hard drive like you’ve done a million times before, eyes scanning across the screen at breakneck speed as you hack your way around firewalls and numerous alarms.  It’s almost too quiet as you do your work, but by the way Bucky hasn’t even flinched in his spot is a good indicator that things are - miraculously - still going as planned.
Finally, your work is done - your flash drive holding multiple plans and the computer scrambled so badly that it’ll take days before the agent can access it once more.
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You don’t allow yourself to breathe until you and Bucky walk into yet another hotel, this one only a few towns over from your rendezvous point with Steve and Natasha.  You’d spend the night here before making the remainder of the journey in the morning.  Exhaustion hits you like a freight train as you trudge to the room, and you find yourself hoping against hope once more that your favorite fics may come to life.  But when your eyes fall on two beds once more those hopes are dashed.
“You can take the king,”  Bucky says, and you suddenly realize those are the first words he’s spoken to you all day aside from the firefight earlier.  “I’ll take the queen.”
You raise your eyebrow at that but don’t argue, even though you know damn well that the man who is almost twice your size probably needs the larger bed more than you do.
No more words are passed between the two of you as you prepare for bed, each taking their turn in the bathroom and shower before turning the lights out and settling down to sleep.  It doesn’t take long for sleep to tickle at your eyelids, but it’s chased away almost instantly when Bucky’s buzz saw snores kick to life again.
Groaning quietly, you toss a pillow at the super-soldier before rolling over to grab your phone and headphones from the bedside table.  He continues, of course, and you go to your favorite app once more.  Using your phone this late at night and right before you sleep is bad, you know, but how the hell are you supposed to sleep with that man rumbling only several feet from you.
You open a new fanfic, this one’s warnings staring you down as you read “smut, language, NSFW gifs” and you can’t fight back the smirk that plays on your lips.  Again, you roll onto your side, back towards Bucky, as you get to reading.
You know your breathing has picked up pace as you get past the fic’s casual banter between friends and the sexual tension sets in.  Your legs squeeze together of their own accord, your chest warming in arousal as you envision Bucky speaking to you the way he’s speaking to y/n in this fic.
Within a few minutes - and a few lines - the sexual tension explodes into a full-on kiss, the smut slowly building as a result.  You scroll quickly, devouring every detail before your fingers slow as the top of a gif comes into view.  It’s sinful, to say the least.  You watch the way the man’s hips swivel into his lover’s, her head thrown back as he buries his head against her throat and himself deep into her.
Your lip is back between your teeth and you can’t bring yourself to scroll on just yet.  Instead, you let yourself take every detail in as the image loops, again and again, your arousal growing with every second.  Oh, what you wouldn’t give to have Bucky moving against you that way.  His heavy breath fanning over your collarbone as he grinds against your most sensitive skin.  You have to bite your tongue to not moan into the silent room.
Wait…
Silent.
You realize at that moment that the violent snores from the other side of the room have died completely, silence overtaking their absence.  A silence that has you tentatively glancing over your shoulder and only to immediately regret it.
Even in the dark, your eyes find the blue ones that are only inches away.  Blue eyes that are damn near swallowed with lust.
Oh.  
Oh, Jesus.
“Whatcha lookin’ at, doll?”  His deep voice rumbles in the quiet room, sending your heart galloping as you jump up to sitting, desperately burying your phone against your breast to hide its contents from him.
“Nothing.”  You say, your voice scarcely above a whisper.  You don’t miss the smirk on his face and frantically reevaluate the past several minutes in your brain.  When had he woken up?  When had he snuck up behind you?  How much had he read over your shoulder?  Where the hell had all your training gone?
“Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”  He says, teeth dragging over his lower lip and it seems for a moment that he’s debating on whether or not he wants to take this any further.  When he speaks again though, he makes his choice very clear.  “Looks like you’re being a very bad girl.”
The room is so fucking quiet that the lump that you gulp down is painfully audible.
He didn’t just say that…did he?  You chuckle humorlessly, trying desperately to break the obvious tension and play off of the joke he is so obviously playing on you.
But then he doesn’t laugh with you.  Just stares as he scoots closer on his knees until his frame is right against the bed, pulling you by your thighs until he’s encasing you - palms on either side of your legs that are now thrown over the side of the bed.
You’reDreamingYou’reDreamingYou’reDreaming…
“That…that was too far, wasn’t it?”  He suddenly asks, rocking his weight back on his heels.  Bless him, he looks so shy and you must look completely dumbfounded.  He waits with bated breath as you open and close your mouth uselessly, desperately searching for words.
Finally, you spit out the first thing that comes to mind.
“Did you just quote the fanfiction I read last night?”  OH MY GOD, you mentally scream.  Why the fuck would you expose yourself like that?? What if he just thought of that himself??
But then what if he didn’t?  Because that line had definitely stuck out to you when reading the night before…and suddenly, you remember why it had.  That was the last line before you left your phone to go to the bathroom.  The last line you’d read with tired eyes before you set your phone down, unlocked, on your pillow and - ohmygod!
“You read that!?”  You screech, gripping your phone tighter.  You gasp so hard you damn near swallow your tongue.  “You put my phone on the bedside table!  Bucky, you totally snooped while I was peeing!”  Alright, you could’ve kept that bit to yourself.
He’s biting that damn lip again, and you know he can tell that’s exactly where your eyes are zeroed in on.
“Maybe?”  He says, voice small as he admits his secret to you.  “I didn’t mean to!  I just…I woke up when you shut the bathroom door, and the screen was shining right in my face - I just-I got up to lock it so it wouldn’t bother me, but then I saw what you were looking at and…”  He clears his throat.  “Doll, I…were you reading porn…about me?”
Your face is no doubt a thousand degrees of embarrassment.
“It’s not porn!! it’s fanfiction, and-”
“It literally talks about me fucking you.”  He deadpans, eyebrows raised.  “In explicit detail.  It’s porn.”
You’re silent for a few moments, staring him down as you wait for him to back down.
Of course, he doesn’t.
“Ok, fine!  It’s porn, are you happy?”  You huff, crossing your arms and finally ditching your phone to the pillow beside you.  A sudden terrifying thought causes you to freeze. “So…are you going to tell the team?”
“Why the fuck would I tell them?!”
“I don’t know!”
“Do you honestly think I’d tell them something so personal?!  That’s Stark’s territory!”
“I don’t know!”  You repeat, floundering as you toss your hands up before crossing them again in a pout.  “It’s embarrassing.  You know I tend to jump to the worst-case scenarios…”
“Doll, I would never out you like that.”  You would have to be blind to miss the way his eyes drag over you in your nightclothes, and you are suddenly very aware of your lack of bra and just how cold it is in the room.
He seems to notice too, his eyes zeroing in on your breasts and the way your nipples are pressing against the soft fabric encasing them.
“Do you…do you want me like that?”  He asks, his voice dropping back into the husky tone it had been before his awkward detour.
“No, Bucky, I was just reading porn of you for the fuck of it.”  He chuckles at that, his palms coming to rest on your thighs as the embarrassment between you two eases - making way for a choking tension.
“Really?  Ah, well, then I guess I can just go back to bed, then.”
“Don’t you dare!”  The words are out before you can stop them, but at this point, you don’t much care.
“Oh?  Then what should I do, Doll?”  His blue eyes are dark, gazing at you from below thick lashes as his hands creep higher up your thighs, pushing your oversized t-shirt up to expose the soft cotton covering you from his gaze.  “Should I do this?”
Your breath catches in your throat, eyes widening as he leans forward, lips pressing against the soft skin on the inside of your thigh.
“Oh, please.”  You beg, arms falling at your sides to support you as his mouth grows closer to where you really want him.  Only he doesn’t quite reach, his eyes twinkling playfully at you.
“Words, Doll.”  He grumbles lowly, splayed hands pushing your legs wider to give himself better access to your heat.
“Bucky, please-”  A squeal escapes you when his teeth drag across your hip bone.  “Put your mouth on me.”
Nothing you’ve ever read could’ve prepared you for the way Bucky touches you.
He moves slowly, his palms running from your inner thighs to behind your knees to pull your legs over his shoulders.  The movement has your stomach flipping, eyes never leaving his as he drags his tongue up the material hiding your core from him.
He chuckles at your moan, eyes batting as he presses the point of his tongue against your clit beneath your panties.  To be honest, you’re not sure which one of you is enjoying this more what with the way his fingers tighten against your legs, his eyes closing in concentration as he laps at you.
In your wildest dreams, you never thought Bucky would be touching you like this - at least not outside of the fiction you were reading.  But, oh, is he touching you - playing you, more like it, plucking your strings until you’re practically singing for him.
You could cum just like this, light pets of his tongue teasing your sensitive skin, but then he’s tugging the panties from your form, diving right back into your bare skin and you’re keening at the contact, your fingers knotting in his long hair.  He groans in response to your moans, forearm flung lazily across your hips to keep you still as he wreaks havoc on you.
You open your mouth, ready to chastise him but the words instantly make way for cries as he finally swipes his tongue through your folds - fucking you with his mouth as he watches your form writhe.
“God, you taste amazing.”  He moans, and you have to hold back a giggle.  “What’s so funny, Doll?”  Do you admit that you’d read him saying those very words far too many times to keep count?
But then he’s pulling away, leaving you whimpering at the precipice of release and the sight of his strong torso being revealed to your ends any thoughts you may have had.  Especially when he reaches down and rids you of your own shirt, kissing across your collar bones once they’re exposed.
“You got any protection?”  He asks suddenly, teeth scraping at your throat and you are suddenly aware of the fact that this is real life, not a fic, and wow you’d lost count of how many bareback smuts you’d read.
Not that the thought of Bucky cumming inside you wasn’t the hottest thing ever, but the idea of pregnancy was something you didn’t even want to entertain at the moment.
So, begrudgingly, you pushed Bucky off gently, bending down to rifle through your bag - hey, it never hurts to be prepared.  You roll your eyes at his chuckle as you bend over, shaking your exposed backside at him -where he has taken your seat on the mattress - before rising to hand him the small, metallic square.
He toys with it for a few seconds, watching as you stand with a lip tugged gently between your teeth and your eyes flicker to the semi-hard shaft against his thighs.  Silver fingers enter your line of sight, coming to cup himself, stroking a few times as you watch him.
“See something you like, Doll?”  He asks, free hand coming up to run his thumb against your lips.  You nod slowly, eyes never tearing from where he teases his cock.  You flick your tongue out to wet your lips, Bucky’s thumb accidentally catching where it had been against your lips and then he’s growling and pulling you to him.
Your lips crash together, a flash of pain as your teeth clack momentarily, but you’re far too lost in Bucky’s intoxicating proximity to care.  He seems to share the sentiment as your hands weave through his hair, pulling him closer as he moans and strokes himself faster before you straddle his strong thighs.
 You consider grinding down against the taut muscle momentarily, but then Bucky’s rolling the condom down his shaft, his knuckles brushing your folds as he does and all you want is for him to fill you up to the brim.
The desperation is clear on your face, wrapped in hooded eyes and a deep flush as you inhale deeply every time Bucky’s knuckles brush you.
“Oh, my god!”  You huff, getting ever so impatient.  He chuckles at your tone, tugging you higher on his lap so that - finally - you’re aligned.  A brief moment passes as you two eye each other hesitantly, your nerves on fire as you consider what it is you’re about to do.  
You’re about to fuck your partner, your best friend…the man you’ve been fantasizing about for years.
“Ready, Doll?”  He asks softly, testing the waters as he runs the head of his cock through your lips.  Any hesitation you may have had melts with the shiver that travels your spine, and then some when Bucky growls as you bare your nails into his shoulder blades.
“Bucky, I swear to god, if you don’t fu-ck me!”  You squeal the tail end of your sentence, Bucky’s own groan disappearing into the skin of your shoulder as he slides home in one thrust.  Pain and pleasure flood your senses and suddenly you are highly aware of just how long it’s been.
“Shiiit,” Bucky sighs at the tight fight, his fingers digging into the skin of your hips and holding you still as he struggles to hold himself off.
It’s been a while for him, too.
“Jesus, you’re tight.”  He hisses between his teeth, his brow as scrunched as yours no doubt is at the moment.
“And you’re huge.”  He laughs then, the movement of his abs against your sensitive skin enough to have you sighing.  “I, uh, think you’re good to move.”  You say quietly, testing this theory with a slight brush forward of your hips.  When a delicious friction reaches your clit at the action you moan lowly.  “Oh, yeah.  Very good to move.”
And move he does, giving you a few moments as he slowly builds up the pace before falling back and letting you take the reigns.  Your hands find his strong pecs as you fall forward at the sudden shift, and a shit-eating grin crosses your face.  Bucky misses this, however, as his eyes are screwed shut with pleasure.
“Fuck!”  He groans when you begin to rut against him, dragging your clit against his adonis belt as his cock head catches against your insides perfectly.  He doesn’t seem to mind this change, panting openly and quite vocally.  Well, that is until his hands find your thighs and hold on tight.  “Shit, slow down, Doll…I don’t know how long I can last if you keep that up.”
You’re about to apologize, a flush very evident on your skin before Bucky is manhandling you onto your back, your legs cast wide in his grasp.
“Let’s slow things down a little.”  He teases, kissing your nose as you giggle and let him set the pace.
When he does, it’s dizzyingly slow, his teeth dragging against your skin as do his fingertips and after a few minutes of sinfully slow rocks of his hips, he is very quickly stringing you towards the edge.
“Bu-Bucky,”  You whimper, your walls beginning to flutter around him.  The groan that milks from his chest is nothing short of sexy and you return one of your own.  His name becomes a chant on your lips as pleasure rushes through your bloodstream, your nails digging into his taut back and after a few more thrusts of his own, he’s emptying inside the condom.
The high fades slowly, your skin buzzing in sated pleasure as a lazy smile takes place on your face.  Bucky is quiet, almost shy as he retreats to the restroom to clean himself and dispose of the condom.  You snicker quietly to yourself at the thought that this detail is often left out of the fics you read, but the pleasant ache between your legs certainly isn’t.
“Well,”  He says as he returns, slipping under the covers with you.  As you shift, something digs into your side and when you bring the offending object above the covers do you realize that your phone had remained in the sheets that whole time.  You hand it off to Bucky as he tugs you closer, waving him to put it on the bedside table.  “Aren’t you glad I decided to snoop?”  He teases as he takes the contraption from you.
“Yeah, Yeah, Barnes.  But probably not as glad as S.H.I.E.L.D. will be when they realize they can save on rooms by just booking us one bed from now on!”
You both chuckle at the jest, your giggles soon dying into labored breathing as your energy drains quickly against the warmth of Bucky’s body wrapped around yours.  Your eyes drift shut of their own accord, not noticing how Bucky hesitates at placing your phone on the charger…again.
“Hey, Doll?”  He asks hesitantly, his eyes widening as he scrolls through your Tumblr feed and exposed to all sorts of sin.
“Hmm?”  You hum, sleep tickling at your mind.   That is until your eyes fly open wide at his following question.
“What’s Stucky?”
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Shall we have a sequel?  Perhaps where she gives him a hands-on explanation of what “Stucky” is?
TAGS
struck out means I couldn’t tag you
TRUE LOVE TAGS:
@bxtchybrie , @sergeantjamesbarnes107th , @itsanotheravengersimaginesblog, @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme , @james-bionic-barnes , @mickeyl322 , @stank-tower , @lostinspace33 , @thecrownedrose , @nikkitia7 , @redroomproperty , @magpiegirl80 , @fifi1433 , @knittingknerdy , @specs15 , @justareader , @metalarmandredstar , @agentsofcap , @marvel-lucy , @pickylittlebitch , @shamvictoria11 , @twistedfate108 , @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky ,  @allinhishands , @hellomissmabel , @mizzzpink , @smexy-bucky-waifu , @annwhojumps , @avengerofyourheart , @saffreelove , @palaiasaurus64 , @flowercrownsandmetallicarms , @sexyvixen7 , @armenian-nerd, @thiddlestoff, @callingmrsbarnes , @avengebuckybarnes , @splaine-to-me , @to-be-a-sunshine , @heismyhunter , @miladycollie , @4theluvofall , @sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers , @writingourwildestemodreams , @imadandelion-yourearose, @sebbymylove16, @harrysbbby, @italyand5soslover283, @sebastianbarnesandchrisrogers,@httpbarnes, @subtletynotwithstanding, @panickingwiththefalloutboys, @hardcorehippos, @ryverpenrad, @stellarfairie, @nativesebby, @violentlyfarts, @dianelogan, @mrtinslydia , @ladylizzieofdarbyshire, @unidentifiedanonfics, @microscopicmonsters, @elohunnie, @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x, @paprika0437, @asphalt-cocktail , @ronnie-rebel, @dormousse @tinyfistwarrior , @veamcast93 , @theromaniansoldier , @belovedbittersea @disagreetoagree @cloverrover ,@estxfanyy
BUCKY BABES TAGS:
@meganlane84 , @thewinterher0 , @winter-in-wakanda , @221bshrlocked , @iamkaties111003 , @castiel-barnes , @creideamhgradochas, @sebbytrash , @nykitass , @livenicebebeautiful , @slickblitz , @supersoldier-buckybarnes , @jarnesbrnes , @my-wings-will-heal , @octopishisahybridanimal , @harleyscheekheart , @leoberosis , @da-sebooty-be-plentiful , @jamesbarncs , @buckys-fossil , @mermaidinplaid , @gucci—garbage , @siliverin , @ageekybookworm , @nilly-willy , @musichowler, @mrs-squirrel-chester, @finnofamerica , @theliarone , @rebelfleur22 , @crazinesgraveyardsandcartoons @itzelreader , @isaxhorror , @kemmastan, @inadquacy , @xanaphorax , @lkcarts , @megansuper  
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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 6 years ago
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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Montenegro to Eurovision with 6 young souls
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(this is a pre-vamp review so take this whole thing as “something I wanted to publish but my schedule was withholding until it was specifically time for them to be reviewed”, therefore, this is a bit of a retrospective review. Will tackle on its revamp later!)
Montevizija, which finally has an official Twitter account (we all should forget the times some dude named Vasilije pretended to having made one), offered us another batch of 5 songs for another year, actually revealing all of them beforehand this time and not just the snippets! Joy to the world I guess.
You gotta love Montevizija for it being the most underrated ex-Yugoslavian national final btw. Granted, it only lasted for 2 editions as of now, and it will take years to grow bigger as a thing, but so far, for us the NFs that are ingrained to our brains more are Dora, EMA and Beovizija (and even Skopje Fest when THAT was used to pick an act and not just served as a festival like it originally was meant to be), therefore Montevizija seems more shunned. But what do you expect when the lineup of 5 for two years in a row is not exactly as stellar as hoped for? Well, there are gems here and there, but they haven’t really won on either years (or at least not on the 2nd year if you call Vanja’s song a gem too), and yet somehow they find someone who call them great. But for me this Montenegrin entry is not. :L
And who is up there to be colossally blamed for its existence? None other than this group of 6 refering to themselves as D mol (with “mol” decapitalized for whatever reason... they used to have hyphen separating the ‘D’ and ‘mol’, but now they scrapped it altogether, an anime death I’ll never forget). Worth noting that I, as a 19 year old, have this particularly ugly feeling I must get rid of, and that’s the one of “feeling old”, already at my age. And this is how I felt seeing that the band whose song I am not fond of today is made up by members that are of 16-17 to 21-ish years old!!! So my heart insists that I shouldn’t go too hard on these poor younglings, even if this is just me, currently tackling the brethren of my age. Prepare as I’ll go to shred their composition they’re going to Tel Aviv with, “Heaven”, to bits.
Although, what I call “shredding to bits” is merely just nitpicking the reasons the original version (keep bearing in mind that I haven’t heard the revamp yet) sucks imo, and idk, the new “Heaven” miiiiiiight just grow on me, but I heavily doubt about it because I never cared for it in the first place (youhouuu, they were my last in Montevizija ‘19 for a reason), and I’m rather looking forward for the new faves from the 8 songs I haven’t listened to yet rather than those that were already chosen. And even the Eurofans were not quite fond on the revamp, as some think the additional ethno sounds made it sound worse (and of course there are some that kinda like it or think of the song as their guilty pleasure). So why shouldn’t I? :O
Anyway, old “Heaven”. The first sounds on here to grace my ears on this song consist of one light piano note being tapped to an exact rhythm and a confused baby girl stuttering. And I’d’ve maybe enjoyed this more ironically at some point if it weren’t for the latter sound effect being re(ab)used later in the song!! Ugh I hate it. The lyrics are fine I guess... though isn’t it ironic the only English song in Montevizija’s lineup this year won?? It’s like the Montenegrin people were openly cringing when being the only ones to understand Vanja comparing his life to cat’s and mouse’s and calling his heart “the most expensive toy” in his song and then they were like “you know what? Let’s let the WHOLE Europe understand how terrible our lyrics are! ^_^” (no but for real, who still uses “I’m in heaven, falling straight into your heart” as a pick-up line? Did they travel through time from 1998 to 2019 or something???)
Speaking of the 90s, the whole song smells like a dated cliché of that period. You know, the kind of “the high school prom song from that 90s teen sitcom’s who you’re forced to watch when your elderly aunt is in the house with you and there’s nothing else on TV” dated. Dated even more than “Chain of Lights”. Seriously though! It includes the pathetic “wah wah” bassline, mid-tempo beats, the boy/girl-group harmonies... catch me puking sugar-coated cheese to this, no thanks. Oh and if you already read my “Zero Gravity” review (which you probably never even bothered to after seeing how much text would you have to read), I definitely mentioned that I’m not a fan of those “two verses-two choruses” songs, and especially those kind of ones that aren’t sounding like something suited for radio (e.g.: Poland 2018, “Light Me Up”)... this obviously sounds like something from the radio of the times the at-the-time senior highschoolers are currently over 30 or slightly over 40, and that should be 4 and a half minutes long. These verses could just not be more ridiculously dragged out for the choruses to prevail and get stuck in our brains... fucking welp [sic] me already.
Well, if there are any brownie points I could give this, it’s pleasant, it’s harmless if I don’t take into account the cheese vibes this emits, and all this bunch are made up by up-and-coming talented singers that clearly deserved a better song...
And the staging concept in their NF was cool tho (illustrating their power of D mol), and I applaud the couple chemistry I guess
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Oh and this below is one of the most underappreciated memes this Euroseason:
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*stares into your soul in Montenegrin*
So yeah. Oh and the Rizo(tto) guy who is self-aware of his hotness and the hotness of the much older Eurovision guys this year, but he’s not doing it for me so that I could be in heaven falling, so he’s getting a hard pass.
All in all - a nostalgia cash-in made to appease the housewives from Podgorica to Skopje, from Novi Sad to Štúrovo, and nothing quite else, sung by a cool bunch of people that if anything are deemed this year’s "great people with an unfortunately too dated song and a shitty draw” by me. I don’t know much of their personalities but I do believe that even if they like what they’re singing, they’d be much better off doing a better sounding throwback, at least. So that even the disappointed-by-”Heaven” Eurofans could at least call it “so dated but a BOP!”. And hey, I’m aware of those fans that will likely be pissed at me for not bopping along to this, but I said what I said about it and yet again, if revamp changes my mind, I will change my opinion, but right now I’d not prefer to. Grumpy Adio.
Approval factor: Hell with the no. I would like Vanja back instead. At least he made himself a somebody to be cared about even if the Eurofans didn’t quite adapt to his song in return.
Follow-up factor: somehow, both “Inje” and “Heaven” were/are seen by the masses as instant NQs, so it somehow doesn’t sound like Montenegro is following a great path so far. And after this year anything that audience favours and wins can be seen as a way better follow up after something meh coming after something wrose.
Qualification factor: For the n-th time, I’m yet to check the revamp out to state where this will actually go, but being put 2nd in the draw is a massive stab in the knee, as demonstrated by even the national finals this year (Electric Fields in Australia Decides, Aly Ryan in Unser Lied für Israel, Lisa Ajax in Melodifestivalen final... the only glaring exception is ZENA in Eurofest but is it me or these producers did this just so they could be all like “heeeey we put a winning song on 2nd just to show that a NF song can win from ANY draw! ANY DRAW!!!” lol nope), and from it only a few lucky souls have crawled out victorious (Nathan Trent for example, the draw might have pushed him down in the semi but he got up again!). D mol, for as young and developing in talent as they are, don’t seem to be such. You can be young and pitied for your personality, but you always can at the same time have a song that completely crushes your chances to do well and sweeps up the last shards of hope right in front of your eyes despite being an angel worthy of protection (Ari Ólafsson, anyone?). Unless the D molians work all their magic and the random ethnic vibes into their favour for some reason, but for now it ain’t gonna work.
NATIONAL FINAL BONUS
And even then, what was so interesting about Montevizija 2019?? Let’s see...
• First off, let’s address one meme of the beginning of 2019 that Facebook may or may have not used purposefully to upgrade their automatic “facial recognition” skills - the 10 years challenge. Our first one of this season is the sassy maneater who spent her ESC stint by trying to unlove a guy so hard that he just couldn’t oblige - Andrea Demirović. Her decade-later A-game happened to be this one song she sang in her mother-tongue: “Ja sam ti san” (I am your dream). Now, I wasn’t particularly into it - I enjoy some electro tracks out there (like hello, “Igranka” is one of my favourite Montenegrin entries, and 2013 entries overall as well) but this one just ended up being the right amount of cool AND overbearingly unsettling for me to not really fancy it. Kinda like “Red” by HyunA - I can only bop to this if I don’t care about the fact I actually hate it, oops. (Or maybe it is just because Andrea once again used a composition done by one of those “rent-a-NF-songwriter” people. Which is at least better than collabing Ralph Siegel who’s stopped being relevant ever since starting to work with San Marino, or even since the hilarious attempt of a peace song sung by the original common framework, six4One. But since Michael James Down has co-contributed to one of the better Montevizija songs last year, I will not allow myself to think it’s thanks to those kind of songwriters.) Nevertheless, the Eurofans actualy kind of loved this song, but sadly, Montenegrins and the international jury did quite not, and she didn’t land on to the superfinal 2 (as opposed to a superfinal 3 last year, to which she could have easily qualified if it still were a 3). Here’s her song to y’all anyways (and the performance too, which just needed to include some random monster dudes dancing around... why? Because Eurovision! ^^):
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• Speaking of Andrea, during the results part there was this one shot of hers where she was pictured just casually chilling on her phone, not giving a damn that she’s being underrated on the scoreboard. Not only she was badly rated, but this moment was such an universal #mood!
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• In between the finally final results announcement (which I didn’t really know when exactly was it taking place because the winner wasn’t really said out loud before the event I will describe next was taking place??) there was this lottery going on of who would be the lucky two audience observers that’d win tickets to Tel Aviv... hilariously enough though, it somehow malfunctioned and there were some sort of errors regarding the announcement of the RIGHT winner <3 but the winners happened and I hope they’re getting to go to Tel Aviv at some point during the Eurovision events! Hope they don’t feel startled by the lack of taken seats this year.
• Unlike Eesti Laul, Montevizija this year took up the job of showcasing tweets of Eurofans, and somehow this fellow fella ended up seen by a handful of Montenegrins AND international viewers. Take a wild guess which of them know what a daddy Serhat is.
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• And who could not forget the magic flying envelope for to announce the winner of the NF:
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there must have been some Harry Potter magic in there :O
As for what touches the other songs, well there’s the last year’s fan fave Nina Petković with another song, but it’s no “Dišem”, so don’t even bother. Or bother, but imo it’s just okay-sounding, nothing that groundbreaking or pleasant enough to be competitive. The other few songs were also nice but I’d like not to make this longer as my other write-ups, to be fair. Sucked to be Mr. Kállay-Saunders who, as the international juror chosen for this national final, had to rank its songs... as that NF happened right on the same day his second A Dal 2019 performance was taking off. Not that the international jurors were supposed to be present in Montenegro on the day of this NF, anyways...
Anyway, despite all this goddamn criticism (that could’ve flown more smooth had my computer not restarted in the middle of me doing paragraphs for this review), I’m fare welling the D mol-ians and would like to wish them a heavenly Eurovision experience. ^_^
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masterofmunson · 7 years ago
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call out my name [b.barnes]
Bucky Barnes x Reader
Summary: You promised him that you were bruised and not broken. You didn’t account for the demons that would follow hot on your heels. Déjá vu part 2.
Warnings: ptsd is mentioned, panic attacks, self loathing, brief mentions of nudity & sex (it’s innocent), fluff, crying, pure angst, you’re going to hate me. feel free to yell at me lol
Word Count: 5.3k+
DÉJÁ VÙ
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You stare at the bare ceiling. You’re covered in sweat and your own tears. Your shoulders tremble and you try your best not to shake the bed. Bucky was sleeping soundly, his profile facing your side of the bed. His flesh arm lays on your stomach subconsciously and you’re trying not to have another panic attack that wakes him up. He always knew when you were starting to panic, even if you were silent.
You squeeze your eyes shut. Tears leak out of the corners of your eyes and you’re finding it harder to breathe. You’re trying to remember the exercises Bucky and Sam have been trying to teach you in order to deal with your PTSD, but you always insisted you were fine. Now it’s coming back to bite you in the ass.
“Baby?” he grumbles into his pillow, starting to wake up from his slumber. You take a deep breath in, resting your hands on your face. You’re doing your best not to move or make a sound. The last thing you wanted to do was wake him. He already had enough sleeping problems. He didn’t need you adding onto them. He deserved a decent night’s sleep.
He gently moves his hand up your body. It’s gentle and affectionate. He’s trying to calm you down. “What five things can you see, baby?” he whispers gently, pressing his metal fingers to your sides.
You take a labored breath in, closing your eyes briefly before opening them again. “The window, the bathroom door, the ceiling, the closet door, and the bookcase,” you sniffed, letting a few stray tears fall down your cheeks and into your pillow.
“What are four things you can feel?”
“Your fingers, the blankets, my pillow, and the shirt I’m wearing,” you breathe a little easier.
“Good,” he squeezes you gently. “What are three things you can hear?” he murmurs.
You take a slow deep breath in, closing your eyes. “The cars outside, the fan, and your metal arm.”
“How about two things you can taste?”
“My tears and the tea you made me before we went to bed,” you mumble. Your breathing is starting to return to normal and your shoulders aren’t trembling anymore.
“What about one thing you can smell?”
“You,” you whispered. “I can smell you.”
Bucky smells like love and comfort. He’s patient and kind. He doesn’t make you feel like a burden. He makes you feel safe and loved, even if neither of you have said it yet. You know he loves you.
“Good, baby,” he encourages gently, “you’re doing so good.”
“I’m sorry,” you cry softly. “I didn’t want to wake you. You already have a hard time sleeping anyways and you don’t need me to add onto it and—”
“Y/n,” he interrupts you. His voice is soft but firm. It’s not enough to startle or trigger you. “It’s okay. Please don’t apologize. I’m your boyfriend, I like taking care of you.”
“I don’t want to burden you,” you confess. “It’s been seven months and it still feels like it’s been seven days. What I went through is nothing like what you went through the past 70 years.”
“Hey,” he quietly chastises you. He sits up, turning on the lamp on his side of the bed before pulling you into his lap. His fingers dip underneath your shirt, moving softly against your bare skin. Your loose tank top falls off your shoulder and he presses his mouth gently against the scar tissue on your shoulder from your time as prisoner. “You are not a burden, Y/n. What happened to you was terrible. Don’t compare what you went through to what I went through. You’re a normal citizen and you went through something no one should have to go through.”
You take a shaky breath in. A set of tears slips past your eyes. You glance down into your lap. “You didn’t deserve to go through it either,” you mutter back.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he concedes nodding his head, “but I wouldn’t have met you if I hadn’t gone through all of that would I?”
His words nag the back of the brain. He already met a version of you that he tried so desperately to get back. Guilt festers inside him, but letting Millie go seemed almost impossible. He loved her too much, but he loved you too. He was just too scared to tell you.
You roll your eyes, a smile sneaking through. “Oh, please. I’m not that special. There’s plenty of other boring girls like me out there.”
He frowns, squeezing your cheeks. “Of course you’re special. Why would I be with you if you were a boring blob? I lo—”
“Miss. Y/l/n, your presence is being requested in the medbay,” FRIDAY interrupts, cutting him off.
You sigh, resting your forehead against his. Bucky’s fingers dip underneath your shirt and he squeezes your sides. Your mouth finds his in a soft tender kiss and his arms wrap around your torso. “Time to go get my Happy Pill,” you sigh, swinging your legs off the bed and hobbling to the dresser.
You dress in loose sweatpants and one of Bucky’s worn Henley’s. Slipping on a pair of comfy gym shoes, you turn back to face Bucky and place a soft kiss on his lips. “See you later, James,” you mumble softly before hurrying out the door.
He lays in bed, staring at the bare ceiling, listening to the fan. Bucky almost told you that he loved you. He should see it as a good thing, as a stepping stone for moving on from Millie, but he doesn’t. He’s not suppose to love you. He’s suppose to love Millie, and he needs to bring her back. He needs you to remember who you really are.
He sighs, letting out a loud groan. Sitting up, he rubs his tired face and gets ready for the day. Slipping on a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt and stuffing his feet into a pair of gym shoes.
Walking out of your shared room, he jogs to the common room where Steve and Natasha wait for him before they go off on their daily run.
“She had another panic attack,” Bucky sighs as they reach the grounds of the compound, starting their run. “I hate seeing her so terrified. She’s changed so much since I rescued her. I just wish there was a way where I could take it all from her. She doesn’t deserve it.”
Natasha glances at him, sending him a side eye as they reach the path leading into the forest. “Have you told her about Millie, Bucky?” she asks as they run on the path. He doesn’t answer. “Bucky!” she hisses. “You’ve been with her for what, seven months and you still haven’t told her about your dead ex girlfriend who looks like her?”
Bucky growls at Natasha. “Millie isn’t dead. She’s just stuck. I’m trying to get her out.”
Natasha rolls her eyes. “Millie died in 1952 from tuberculosis, Bucky. Give it up or you’re going to lose Y/n.”
He wasn’t going to.
Back at the compound, you grab your pills and have a session with your therapist before going to eat breakfast. Sam joins you at the counter and you smile softly at him, taking a scoop of your cereal.
“Hey, Sam?” you call out to him, looking over at him. He hums in response, encouraging you to continue. “Can you teach me how to fight?”
He glances at you. “I already did,” he responds.
You shake your head. He hadn’t. “No. You just taught me how to defend myself. You didn’t teach me any offensive moves. I want to learn how to fight.”
He concedes. “Okay, okay,” he sighs. “Meet me in the training room in 20 minutes.”
You grin at him, kissing his cheek before running back to your bedroom to change into better training clothes. You hurry to the closet and dig through boxes of clothes that you haven’t touched in months.
Your eyes scan the boxes on the ground and stop on a box that doesn’t belong to you, but to Bucky. The name MILLIE is scribbled on the box in his messy handwriting in big bold lettering.
You know you shouldn’t open it. It’s not yours to look inside of. It’s Bucky’s. It’s an invasion of privacy, but there’s no harm in peeking right? You just happened to come across it while looking for your own clothes.
Crossing your legs, you pull the box into your lap and push the flaps back, digging into the box. Pulling out a worn scrapbook, your fingers run over the cover. Tugging open the first page, your eyes widen in shock.
On the first page, there’s a small paragraph on the front. Written in beautiful cursive is To my dearest Bucky, I love you with my whole heart. May you look at this book and be reminded just how much I love you. Yours forever, Mills.
You swallow hard, you figured he had someone before the war. He just hadn’t told you about her. You figured it was only because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings or that he had moved on and there was no reason for him to tell you about her. He loved you.
Your fingers push the page onto the next one and you take a sharp inhale. The pictures were old and grainy, but they were clear as day. They were pictures of you and Bucky. Your hair was a lot longer. Your skin clearer. Eyes brighter.
You shake your head. You close your eyes, Mike’s words ring in your ear.
“You really think you matter to them? The only reason you’re around is because of who you look like.”
His voice is loud and ugly. It sends you into a panic. You can’t breathe. You don’t want to believe it. You can’t believe it. Bucky loved you. You. You.
He loved your quirks. He loved your personality. He loved your heart. He loved your soul… right?
He never told you he loved you, but you knew he did. He was better with his actions than in his words.
He made you your coffee almost every morning with plenty of cream and sugar without you having to ask. He gave you your much needed space in the weeks after your rescue. Although he had missed your embrace and your soft kisses, he was patient—because he loved you. He murmured songs in your ear to put you back to sleep once you calmed down from a nightmare. He grounded you whenever you were having a panic attack. He loved you. He had to.
Panic washes over you. You’re trying not to let Mike’s words haunt you. You had been doing so well. You didn’t want him getting to you again. He was lying to you, an attempt to get under your skin and break your spirit. He hadn’t when he was alive and you didn’t want him to when he was long dead.
You know you should stop while you’re ahead. The scrapbook was hard enough to look at, but you can’t help it. You’re dying to know what else is inside the box.
You pull out loose photographs, trinkets, and numerous love letters. Your chest aches with every item you hold and read. Your fingers clasp a small black box. You know without opening it what rests inside the box, but you open it anyways, finding a beautiful diamond ring. You close it just as fast as you open it.
Your throat burns. You can’t breathe. Tears prick at the back of your eyes. Your chest is heavy and your eyes gloss over.
“Miss. Y/n, Sargent Barnes is looking for you,” FRIDAY interrupts your raging thoughts and you swallow the lump in your throat. You scramble to put everything back in the box exactly as you found it before shoving the box back in its place.
You wipe your nose with the back of your hand and change quickly into a pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt, pulling your hair out of your face.
“Tell him I’m with Sam,” you respond, opening the door to your bedroom.
“Shall I tell him that you're distressed?”
“No. No, absolutely not. I’m fine,” you grumble.
Hurrying to the training room, you find Sam sitting on one of the benches taking stuff out of his bag. Walking over to him, you join him on the bench.
He takes your hands and wraps them carefully. He pats your knee when he’s done, pulling you out of your head space. You smile softly and jump to your feet, walking over to the mat. He follows behind you and you turn to face him.
He starts teaching you the basics. Planted feet, square shoulders. He’s going gentle, every now and again, pinning you to the mat. You know you shouldn’t get frustrated since Sam had just starting teaching you, but you can’t help it. You’re tired of feeling like a damsel in distress. You wanted to protect yourself.
“Hey!” you protest when he tugs your arm behind your back. You wiggle against him. You’re tempted to stomp on his foot.
“Stop thinking so much,” Sam thwacks you in the head, releasing you with a shove. “Use what I taught you. Relax, c’mon, you can do this.”
You huff stubbornly, shaking your arms out and cracking your knuckles. You watch his stance and you notice that he favors his right leg a lot more than his left. You take a deep breath before releasing it.
The music playing over the speakers roars in your ears and you don’t notice Bucky, Steve, or Natasha ever the room. Bucky’s tempted to step in and drag you off the mat, but Natasha throws her arm out. She watches your eyes and she can see Katarina.
Your eyes are full of fire as you stalk your prey. Natasha watches you analyze Sam’s movements before making the first move. You lung at him but he blocks it easily. You let out another frustrated huff before squaring your shoulders.
Sam moves to hit you and your eyes drop to his feet. He’s still favoring his right side. You block his shot before summer saluting and kicking at his left leg. He tumbles to the ground and you scramble to pin him to the mat. You sit on his back with a proud grin.
“Ha! I finally pinned you!” you grin. “This is so much fun! Let’s go again!”
You climb off him and help him back up onto his feet. Sam laughs at you, shaking his head. He shakes his arms out before he makes the first move again. You grin when you block shot after shot.
“Go harder!” you yell at him. “Stop going easy on me. I’m not going to get better if you’re soft on me.”
“Y/n—”
“C’mon! I’m not fragile. If I get spooked you’ll know! C’mon!” you interrupt him.
He sighs, shaking his arms out before kicking it up a notch. You swallow hard when you realize that you’re just on the defensive. You hadn’t gotten a single shot on him. He kicks your leg out from underneath you and you push yourself into a backflip. You silently thank your collegiate gymnastics career.
Standing on wobbly feet, you let out a huff. Sam smirks at you. “Ready to give up?” he taunts. You glare at him.
“Hell no.”
You lung at him and your arms meet with his. Your right leg wraps around his and you tug him to the ground. He lays on his back with a loud thud and you squeal in excitement. You had won. You pull him back up onto his feet and Sam shakes his head, smiling softly at you. He hadn’t seen you so genuinely happy in such a long time, none of them had.
“You’re the best, Sammy,” you gush. “Kicking your ass is so much fun! We are totally doing this again tomorrow!”
“I would have to agree,” your boyfriend pipes in, walking over to you and kissing your sweaty forehead. “Kicking Sam’s ass is so much fun.”
You laugh lightly, ignoring the pit in your stomach. “You did so good, darling,” he murmurs in your ear. “I’m proud of you.”
You acknowledge him with a soft smile before bidding Sam a goodbye so you could go back to your room and shower. Bucky says his goodbyes before trailing after you and catching your hand in his. He grins at you when you glance at him briefly, kissing your hand.
Pressing your thumb on the wall in front of your bedroom door, the door clicks open and you step inside, Bucky following behind. You sigh once the door shuts, kicking off your shoes. You walk in the bathroom and Bucky does too.
“Can I shower with you?” he asks gently when you turn the water on. He was always careful to respect your boundaries, that’s one of the reasons why you fell in love with him in the first place.
“Yeah,” you murmur, tugging your socks off. He grins at your backside, watching you undress. You turn to face him, your arms are crossed timidly around your chest.
He’s looking at you like you put the stars in the sky. His eyes glow underneath the light the bathroom provides. It almost makes you forget about what you found in the closet. It almost makes you forget about how you feel inside.
Standing naked, he opens the shower door for you and you step inside, letting the warm water wash over you. Bucky steps in after you and stands with his back against the showerhead. He takes your hands away from your chest and wraps them around his neck. You know he’s watching you carefully. He knows that something is wrong. You need to take him away from it.
“Can you wash my hair?” you ask gently, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.
He grins at you, “Yes, of course.”
He takes your bottle of shampoo and squirts a generous amount onto his hand before rubbing it into your hair. You close your eyes and let his flesh and metal fingers massage your scalp. You hum at the feeling and he laughs, gently turning you so you’re underneath the shower head. He pushes the soap away from your face and washes it out of your hair.
Opening your eyes again, you do the same for him.
Once you’re done with his hair, you gently take your loofa off the hook and squeeze body wash onto it before lathering it onto your skin. Bucky watches you carefully as you wash your face and he catches your eyes when he’s done washing himself. You blink at him.
“Bucky?” you breathed, swallowing hard.
“Yes, doll?” he replies.
You blink at him. “Do you…,” you trail off, trying to find the right words. “Do you love me?” The words seem to come out of your mouth so easily, but you feel like your entire world is collapsing in on itself. On you. His bright blue eyes gaze into yours and you feel like you can’t breathe. You want to disappear.
“Yes, absolutely, I love you,” he answers firmly, tugging strands of wet hair behind your ear. He looks a you with worried eyes. “What’s going on, Y/n?” he murmurs.
You sigh, letting your hands rest on his shoulders. There’s so much that you want to tell him. You want to ask him who Millie was and why she looked like you. You want to ask him why he’s with you. You’re dying inside and he has no idea. He has no idea that you know. He has no idea that you’re drowning and you can’t breathe.
“Why… why are you with me?”
He blinks at you, shocked that you would ask him that. It blindsides him. His arms wrap around you and you let out a shaky breath. You hate feeling so small.
“You make me happy,” he answers genuinely. You blink at him. You’re suddenly glad you’re in the shower with him. He can’t tell that you’re close to crying. “You make me laugh. You're incredibly kind. You’re intelligence is sexy. You’re beautiful and strong and determined. You’re resilient. You don’t treat me like I’m fragile. You love me for who I am.”
“And me?” you murmur. “Do you love me for who I am?” Your eyes bore into his and you feel your heart inside your throat.
He gives you a puzzled look. He looks insulted that you even question how much he did love you. It doesn’t make you feel any better. “Of course I do,” he answers. You know you’ve opened another door that you don’t want to enter. You want to crawl back into yourself. You feel like you’re dying.
“Sorry,” you mumble insecurely. “I don’t know why I asked that.”  
Lie.
You just lied straight to his face and it makes your stomach queasy. You’ve never lied to him.
You know exactly why you asked that. You’re absolutely terrified that he’s just with you because you look like his dead girlfriend—or fiancée. It chills you to the bone. You wouldn’t know what you would do if he loved you for the wrong reasons.
His fingers brush against your cheek and your eyes flutter at his soft touch. You let out a quiet sigh. “It’s okay,” he murmurs, pulling on your chin.
His mouth meets yours in a soft tender kiss.
It’s not enough to quiet your raging thoughts.
You stare at ceiling above you, lost in thought.
You can feel Bucky's metal fingers trail up and down your bare arm, leaving kisses on your shoulder. Your breath mingles with his and you know he’s trying to coax another round out of you.
You’re just so tired, and it wasn’t because you had early morning sex. You’re mentally and emotionally exhausted. You’re tired of pretending that everything is fine. You’re dying inside and you don’t know how to tell him.
It’s been five days since you found the box and you feel like throwing up every time you entered the closet.  
You hate how your eyes flutter closed when his mouth finds your neck. His teeth nipped at the supple skin and your breathing stutters. He laughs against your collarbone. Your hand finds the back of his head and you tug on his hair gently.
“Bucky,” you sigh breathlessly.
He grins against your skin, trailing his metal arm down the length of your body. “Yes, my sweet girl?” he murmurs. It makes your heart melt and your breath hitch.
“I’m really hungry,” you mumble, feeling embarrassed that you killed the mood. He laughs against the column of your throat and pulls away. You laugh sheepishly. “Sorry, didn’t mean to kill the mood.”
“Don’t apologize, it’s perfectly fine. Do you want to go out for breakfast?” he asks, pulling away from you.
You turn on your side to face him and rest your fingers in his hair. He smiles softly at you, taking your hand and kissing your knuckles. Your heart flutters. “Yeah, can we?” you ask.
“Why wouldn’t we be able to go out?” he laughs, pulling you onto his hips. Your hands rest on his chest and you shrug, leaning down and pressing a soft, tender kiss to his lips.
“I dunno,” you sigh. “I always think we need permission.”
He laughs again and your heart stutters. You loved seeing him smile.
“You’re making it really difficult to want to go to my mission briefing, darling,” Bucky sighs against your mouth, his lips trailing down your neck. Your fingers tug on his hair gently and your back is pressed against the wall.  
“I’m not doing anything,” you breathed back. “All I did was eat breakfast with my handsome boyfriend. You just can’t keep your hands to yourself.”
You both let out breathy laughs and you press your hand against his chest, pushing him away gently. You kiss the underside of his jaw. “I’ll see you later, Hot Stuff. I love you.”
He beams at you, pressing a firm kiss to your lips. “I love you too, my darling girl.”
He disappears down the hall and you sigh happily. You had nothing to worry about.
After finishing your workout, you make a detour towards the conference rooms. You were light on your feet and you felt happier now that you had just worked out.
You can hearing arguing down the hall. Sam’s voice rings through your ears. He sounds absolutely furious, at who, you don’t know. It was probably over something petty.
“You didn’t think I would find out, Barnes?!” Sam roars as you creep closer to the door. “I overheard you and Steve the other day! You still think that Y/n is still your dead girlfriend! You think the reincarnation theory is real!”
Your throat tightens. You feel like you can’t breathe. Your gut was right the whole time.
Mike was right the whole time.
Tears burn in the back of your eyes as you approach the door. You’re struggling to remain calm and collected as you stared into the room. Your eyes blur with tears as you stared at the man you thought loved you.
“Do you even love her or do you love who she looks like?!” Sam’s voice makes you jump. You’ve never seen him so angry before.
You inhale sharply as you wait for his response.
“Of course I love her! She’s just not Millie!” Bucky roars.
You can feel your heart shatter and your breath leaves your lungs. Tears fall down your cheeks and you swallow hard. You can’t find it in yourself to speak up. Natasha glances out the door and her eyes meet yours. Her teammates follow her gaze and you feel frozen in your spot until Bucky’s eyes meet yours.
You inhale sharply before turning your back on him. You run down the hall towards your—Bucky’s—bedroom, ignoring his pleas from behind you. You slam the door shut, going straight to the closet and pulling out a suitcase. You slam the suitcase on the bed and rip open your dresser drawers.
You’re hands are shaking and your whole body trembles. You’re struggling to breathe as you stuff clothes haphazardly into the suitcase. Tears fall freely down your cheeks and you feel like throwing up. You had to leave. You couldn’t stay here.
You ignore the door clicking open and Bucky stepping inside. You hurry into the bathroom, collecting your makeup and tossing it into the suitcase. You couldn’t look at Bucky.
“Y/n,” his voice cracks as he calls your name and reaches out to grab your arm. “What are you doing?”
“Don’t touch me!” you scream between cries, swatting his hand away. You spin around to face him. You snarl at him. “Why did you rescue me?! Because you loved me or because of who I look like? Don’t lie to me!”
A defeated sigh leaves his lips. “Both.”
You nod your head, sniffing quietly. You wipe your nose with the back of your hand. “I saw the box with all her things, Bucky. Why did you think you could bring her back? The reincarnation theory is a child’s story. Why did you lie to me?!”
Tears prick at the corners of his eyes. His chin wobbles. “Because I still loved her. I thought there was a way… like there is in movies, but there isn’t. I still fell in love with you, Y/n. I love you. Millie can’t change that.”
You shake your head. Even if the theory was real, you were still you. You were not Millie. You were not Katarina. You would not compete against ghosts for his love and affection, no matter how much you craved it. You deserved so much better
“I’m not competing against a ghost for your love, James!” you roared, fat, ugly tears fell down your cheeks. “You said so yourself, I’m not Millie! I never will be!”
Your cries echo off the walls and back into your ears. Bucky had completely shattered your heart. Your soul was withering away. Your future disappearing right before your very eyes, all because you looked like someone that he craved you to be.
He nods his head in agreement. “You’re right. You’re not Millie. You’re so much better than she was.”
You shake your head. You wouldn’t be compared to her either. Bucky doesn’t get it. It has to end. You have to be the one to let go.
You sigh defeatedly, staring into his glossy red eyes. You knew he was terrified to lose you. It was probably because you gave him reason to hold onto his past, because you looked like her.
“You want to know what the worst part about all of this is?” you murmur quietly, tears sliding down your cheeks. “It’s not that I had a feeling about your intentions with me. It was that when I was held captive, Mike was right. A monster was right. That’s what hurts the most.”
It’s silent as he stares at you. He’s desperate to keep you. He can’t lose you. He had made a stupid mistake. Surely you could forgive him. You loved him.
You look at your suitcase, pulling the top over and zipping it up. He walks up to you, resting his hand on the suitcase. He doesn’t want you to leave.
“I won’t be compared to her either, James,” you murmur, swallowing the lump in your throat and blink away the tears in the back of your eyes. “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to compete against a dead person for you to love me fully and completely just as I do for you. It’s not fair to me. I can’t pretend to be somebody I’m not.”
Bucky grabs your face at a desperate attempt to keep from losing you. Tears slide down his cheeks and he feels like he can’t breathe. His heart shatters when you wiggle out of his touch. You wanted nothing to do with him. Not anymore.
“What are you saying?” he asks desperately. His voice breaks and his throat tightens. Tears fall down his cheeks.
“I’m leaving,” you answer. Your voice cracks and you blink harshly. You wish there was something he could do to change what had happen, but there wasn’t. He refused to move on.
“Y/n, please don’t do this. I love you.”
You look at him with tears in your eyes. You choke back a sob. As much as you loved him, you couldn’t stay. You needed to get back on your feet and find a job. You couldn’t stay at the Compound even if you wanted to. You needed to go back to civilian life. You were useless, there was no need for you.
This just made the decision ten times more easier for you.
“I can’t,” you breathed. “It’s not fair to me. You have to move on if you ever want us to be together again. I can’t compete with a ghost, Bucky. I think it’s best if we’re not together, for your heart and my sanity. This hurts me just as much as it hurts you, but I think it’s for the best. I need to get back on my feet and you need to figure your heart out.”
“Y/n, please,” he choked out. You were slipping right through his fingers.
“Goodbye, Bucky,” you mutter, brushing past him with your suitcase behind you. You turn around to shut the door behind you and your eyes meet his momentarily. Silent tears fall down his soft cheeks as his entire face falls. Tears slide down your face and let out a breath of air before shutting the door.
You force yourself to keep walking when you hear the door open.  
tags: @ssweet-empowerment @california-grown @softwhispers
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julia-highstorms · 6 years ago
Text
The Third Park (Damien x OC (Ellie)) - Part 5
Summary: Ellie and Damien can't deny the atraction they feel towards each other... so they go out on another date. But will Ellie leave him all hot and bothered again? ;)
Note: (most) characters belong to Pixelberry Studios. Damien is 100% human in here and it's a Male!MC (Allen). Link to previous parts
Pairing: Damien x OC (Ellie)
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Tagging: @flynnomalleys @boneandfur @damienazariostan @client327 @never-ending-choices @dangerous-capri15 @goirishsunshine @walkerismychoice @laniquelove @parkerattano @bluediamondsapphire @wa-reva @her-imperial-hangman-s @endlesswoods @confessionsofabrokegirl @odetomars @suckmydestielobsessedassbutt @clarissafics @kennaxval @thequeenchoices @writtenbycandy If you would like to be tagged, please, tell me!
Word count: 2956
After taking Dipper to her evening walk, Eleanor plopped down on her cousin's couch, her phone in her hands.
Eleanor Zhou: "Hey! How's everything going? Sorry I didn't text earlier. Is Freddie giving too much trouble?"
Lucy James: "hey! not at all, Freddie is a total sweetheart, he's a good boy. and how are things going there in NYC? did you go out with your cousins' hot friend in the end?"
Eleanor Zhou: "Actually, this is why I didn't text earlier. I was completely hangover yesterday. We went to a pub on Tuesday night and I might have drank a little too much. I hadn't drank like this since college!"
Lucy James: "yeah, I remember you used to drink until you passed out"
Eleanor Zhou: "Ugh, don't remind me of those dark times. I had zero dignity back then"
Lucy James: “and do you have it now?"
Eleanor Zhou: "LOL BITCH!! If you weren’t taking care of Freddie while I’m out of town, I could have murdered you for this."
Lucy James: “we both know you couldn’t. Because you loooooove me! ;) but enough about college. how was the date?? I want to know all the juicy details!!!"
Eleanor Zhou: "Then I'm sorry to tell you that we just kissed. Yeah, I felt my knees weak, but thankfully he was holding me tight ;) but that was it."
Lucy James: "what?! I can't believe you JUST kissed him. what happened?"
Eleanor Zhou: "It happened that he still is in love with my cousin. And I want no trouble."
Lucy James: "but hasn't your cousin JUST married? and if you want no trouble, then why did you go out with him in the first place??"
Eleanor Zhou: "Yeah, Allen is happily married, but it doesn't erase the fact that Damien still loves him. And I went on a date with him because the flesh is weak, okay? Besides, I was completely drunk and my last hookup was like five months ago. And you didn't see him in a suit. Or just saw him."
Lucy James: "oh my god. is he that hot?! send me a picture of him. now."
Eleanor Zhou: "I don't have one."
Lucy James: "please. go on his facebook profile. you know what, I'll look for him myself. what's his name again? Damien..."
Eleanor Zhou: "Damien Nazario. And he's that kind of guy that probably is not on facebook."
Lucy James: "what?! then he's not my type. you can't trust a person who doesn't have a profile in a social media these days. even my grandma is on facebook like wtf"
Eleanor Zhou: "Good to know that you're not interested in him, because you're with Rob. How are things between you two, btw?"
Lucy James: "we're good now."
"Now" - Ellie noticed, letting out a sigh.
Eleanor Zhou: "Lucy… you know that you can tell me everything, right? If something's happening between you and Rob..."
Lucy James: "omg Ellie! everything's fine! we just happen to fight sometimes. it's normal. all couples do it."
Yep, but Eleanor was sure that their fights were anything but "normal". She never trusted that guy. "Rob". She knew he was bad news. But every time she tried to talk about him to Lucy, her best friend would get all defensive and then they ended up fighting.
Ellie was tired of fighting with Lucy because of a stupid man. So she decided to change the subject. This time.
Eleanor Zhou: "Alright, sorry. Anyway, yes, I just kissed him last night. We were both too drunk and I've had enough drunk hookups to regret for. And I don't want to regret anything with him because he actually is interesting." - ...And I might need his help. This was an idea that grew up on her the last couple of days. Damien Nazario was an investigator. She might needed his detective skills for help. But of course she wouldn't say that to Lucy. - "If he still wants to do it with me, sober, then I won't say no, obviously"
Lucy James: "I KNEW IT! you little hoe!! so, are you planning on going out with him again? or what?"
Eleanor Zhou: "Shut up! Maybe. I don't know. What do you think I should do?"
Lucy James: "oh, I gotta go, Ellie. talk to you later. bye!"
Eleanor Zhou: "What? Why? Lucy?"
Ellie sent a few more texts, but Lucy stopped replying completely. She felt a cold chill. Something was off, she knew it.
And she might knew why.
"Oh Dipper, what do I do?" - she asked the dog, which barked back at her, her tail wiggling.
The woman looked through her phone, making up her mind, stopping by a contact. Should she talk to him?
It was Thursday evening, which meant that it had been a little more than a day and a half since she went out with Damien to grab some drinks on that pub he (apparently) regularly frequented, Archer and Hopps.
She wouldn't confess it out loud, but Ellie simply couldn’t stop thinking about him. And his damned lips. She just didn't think about him the day before because she had this horrible headache (the hangover, of course) what wouldn't let her think. And she tried to busy herself today. And it kind of worked. She went to the Broadway. But as soon as she was coming back to Allen’s apartment, her mind drifted back to two nights ago... His warm body enveloping hers as he kissed her so passionately, so hungrily… and that cute jealousy side of him. She knew she was a little evil teasing him by flirting with… what was the name of that guy again? Oh whatever.
Ellie firmly believed that there was no such thing as “love at first sight” and all that bullshit. But she believed there was “sympathy at first sight”. When you feel a natural affinity with someone even though you don’t even know them.
And that was something that she felt with Damien. It was simply being impossible for her to stop wanting to get to know him more.
Damien Nazario intrigued her since the very first time she laid her eyes on him. He was a little moody, very cynical and a drunkard, yes, but he was a great friend too. Loyal and caring towards those he loved. It was visible that he was feeling a little out of place in the wedding. Yet, even though he had been in love with Allen for years, he accepted to be his Best Man.
...She knew she was pushing him, being too nosy, too rude. She knew she should stop it. Somewhere deep inside her, she knew he didn’t want anything with her. He still loved her cousin.
But… what she felt for Damien wasn’t love. She just liked his company and was horny for him. And she knew he kind of had the hots for her too, based on the way he kissed her and wanted to further things between them that night (although it happened almost two days ago and he hadn’t called her since - but she didn’t either - and he was drunk).
Things didn’t have to be complicated. They could be simpler, much simpler.
Besides, she didn't want to start a romantic relationship too. She didn’t want anymore headaches. Of all the times she actually dated someone, she never had her heart really broken - because she felt like she never had been deeply in love with anyone, actually -, but it was being tiresome. Be with someone for them to break your trust so easily.
...Yep, that was it, things could be simple between them. All they needed to do was be frankly towards each other.
With that thought in her mind, Ellie sent him a casual text.
Eleanor Zhou:“Hey there. Are you busy?”
He texted her back after a couple of minutes:
Damien Nazario: “Hello, Eleanor. I’d just came back home from an investigation. Why? Do you need anything?”
Yes. You.
Oh my god, calm down, you little hoe!
Eleanor Zhou: “I was just wondering if you’d like to go out tonight. You know, grab some dinner again. I’d like to discuss some things with you too.”
Damien Nazario: “U-oh, this sounds serious. Am I in trouble? I promise you that we’ll never play the Nazario Chug again.” - she laughed, feeling that he was slowly opening up to her, which was good. And he remembered about the other night, meaning that he wasn’t that drunk. Another good sign. - “This was a joke, by the way.”
Eleanor Zhou: “I know”
Damien Nazario: “Good, because Nadia sometimes doesn’t appreciate my kind of humor. Anyway, I would like to go out tonight, yeah. Meet me in an hour?” - that was enough time for her to prepare herself.
Eleanor Zhou: “Sure. Where? Oh, and I’d like to keep things clean tonight, if you get what I mean. And by 'clean' I mean 'sober'.”
Damien Nazario: “Okay, message received, I won’t drink tonight. There’s this diner two blocks away from Allen’s place that we could go. They have this killer grilled cheese sandwich. I’ll send you the address.”
Eleanor Zhou: “You won me when you said ‘grilled cheese’. Alright, see you soon! Xx”
Damien arrived on the diner a little earlier. Although he tried to look cool and relaxed though the texts, he actually was feeling a little anxious with Eleanor's invitation. He wasn’t as nervous as before he had that first date with her, but he couldn’t hold back a little excitement either. He liked going out with Ellie a lot, but he had some work to do, so he had been busy during those two days.
He thought that he might should have called her, but he didn’t know when was the right or ideal time, exactly. Was it too desperate call her the day after their date? Should he had contacted her sooner or later? Thankfully, Eleanor made things easier by calling him before.
The truth was that Damien Nazario sucked on calling people on dates (and just going out), in general. It was a miracle that he actually had dated someone in his entire life. But things with Alana were different; they had to spend months with just the company of one another. And the Parks always made everything easier; going out with them was fun and he always felt on ease around them.
...And he knew that he shouldn’t be meeting with Ellie again.
Don’t get involved with another Park.
He knew he should be thinking with the right head, the one above his neck. He should just listen to the voice of reason inside his head. He couldn’t let the emotions get the best of him. He had to go back to play it smart.
But, somehow, here he was, about to start another date with Eleanor Zhou.
He low-key blamed on his Latin blood. They were all too passionate about everything.
But he knew that the reason why he was there was simply because he wanted to know Ellie better. She was clever, beautiful, funny and a little weird, just like her cousins. Damien always felt this strange affinity towards them and it seemed impossible for him to resist the Park’s charm.
...Fuck.
He was so screwed.
"Am I late?" - he heard someone saying behind him. Eleanor smiled at him when he turned, her long and dark hair down framing her beautiful face.
"No, I've just arrived a little earlier." - he opened the door, gesturing for her to go first. Her grin widened, approvingly.
Damien was greeted by the cook as they entered the small and family-friendly diner.
"Does everyone in New York know you?" - Ellie asked as they sat on an empty booth. He let out a low and husky laugh.
"No. I just happened to help Hector over there a few years ago. One of his former waiters was stealing from the cashier." - he shrugged, sitting in front of her. - "And since then I have a special discount for every meal I want."
"Oooh, nice! Do I get a discount too?" - he chuckled with her boldness.
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"I don't see why not. You're my date after all." - he saw a sheepish smile spreading on her lips. Those lips… - "Anyway, you told me you wanted to talk about something?"
"Yeah, about it..." - but they were interrupted by the waitress.
"'Night, Nazario. What can I get for both of ya?" - she asked, putting two mugs with fresh and black coffee in front of them.
"Hey Selma. I'll have my usual." - the woman nodded, not taking notes.
"What 'bout ya, lady?"
"Ah! I'll have the same as him, please."
"Is everything okay?" - he asked as soon as Selma left them. - "You seem a little… out of place tonight."
Ellie hesitated for a single second. Lucy hadn't texted her back since that evening. Not that it was an unusual thing to happen; Lucy could go days without texting her back. She had her own life. But… there was this alarm inside her mind screaming "danger! Danger" whenever she thought about her best friend.
"Hey, you okay? Do you want to go home?" - Damien's chocolate eyes were on hers and he looked both serious and a little worried. She noticed that his big and rough hand was above hers, which held the mug tightly.
"Yes. Yes, I'm okay." - she released the grip immediately and smiled at him. Maybe she was being just too paranoid. Lucy had never dated someone for so long before and Eleanor had been single for a while, so maybe she was feeling a little lonely. Maybe she had this unknown jealous side in her when it was about her best friend. Lucy would tell her if something was wrong. Right? - "I was just thinking about work." - and then she took  a sip of her coffee.
Damien knew that she was lying. He was a detective; he knew when people lied on his face. And that was something that Eleanor was doing. The way she soon looked away and pulled out of his touch. Her fake smile.
"Ellie…" - her eyes were back on his. - "I know we just met a few days ago and you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to... but if you feel in need of something, know that I'll try to help you. With whatever it is."
She looked at him for a few seconds, before a small but genuine smile appeared, her expression relaxing.
"Thank you, D. You really are a great guy."
"Did you still have doubts about it?" - Ellie chuckled, rolling her eyes.
"Cocky." - and she took another sip of her drink. - "I guess I'm just being too paranoid." - was she talking about Allen and Nadia being married to androids again? - "Anyway, I don't want to think about it now. Let's focus on tonight. On us, right?"
He liked the way she said "us". Damien smiled, nodding at her.
"This is a good plan." - he said back as Selma approached their booth with their food.
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Damien was right, that was the best grilled cheese she had ever eaten in her life, no kidding. After they paid for their dinner, they decided to take a stroll through the Brooklyn Bridge park, alongside the river, arm in arm.
"I'll never get tired of this view." - she muttered, admiring the Manhattan skyline illuminated by all those city lights.
"Yeah, it never stops to amaze me." - Damien agreed.
He had lost count of how many times he walked there with Allen and Nadia after a night out drinking until none of them could barely walk straight. It felt like a forever ago. Their lives changed so much. The Park cousins had met their Perfect Matches, who turned out to be robots, they had to flee New York, he met Alana again after years, they brought Eros down… And now his best friends' were both married to their Matches. And he was coming back from a date with their other cousin, even though he had promised himself that he would stop getting involved with a Park.
...And Ellie was buying ice cream from a loner vendor.
Damien chuckled as she walked back to his side.
"I'm sorry I didn't get one for you. But we can share this one." - she said, eating her dessert happily.
"You are your cousin's cousin. Nadia has a sweet tooth too."
"Please. Nadia is too cute. I guess it's practically impossible to be there someone as cute as her. She's a walking cinnamon roll."
"You are cute too." - he whispered, watching her reaction cautiously.
But instead of punching him and claiming that she "wasn't cute" like Nadia would certainly do, Eleanor simply grinned at him.
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"Hey, do you want a bite?" - she asked, offering him her ice cream. Damien agreed and leaned down to taste it, but instead of the ice cream, he found something warm and soft against his lips. His heart immediately leaped as he pulled Ellie closer to him, until her body was pressed against his. Her lips tasted like...
"...Strawberry." - he said when they pulled out, one of his arms still around her waist.
"Yes." - she giggled, her head resting on his shoulder. - "Do you want some more?"
"Of what?" - he asked, his eyes shining mischievously to her ambiguous question.
"I don't know." - she shrugged playfully, before kissing him again. Damien groaned against her mouth. - “Hey… what do you think we pick up where we left off the other night?” - she whispered, with that smirk he knew too well by now.
“I’d like that.” - he said, his voice low and husky because of the kiss and the excitement that was growing in him.
"Okay, just let me finish my ice cream and then we can go."
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toglidethroughlife · 7 years ago
Text
Playback (A Choices Fanfic)
Pairing: Kenji x F!MC (Alex)
Category: Angst/Comfort
Summary: Kenji sends messages for every day that Alex has been gone. Post Book 1 finale. 
Author’s Note: I’m so sorry for spamming everyone with post finale fics. I’m getting to all the prompt requests, I promise. I just need to get the angst out of my system lol.
Click.
Day 208.
Hey, Alex.
I’m not sure why I’m still doing this everyday.
I guess I just miss you.
Anyway, not much happened today. Dax and Poppy are thinking about getting a dog.
What do you think they should get?
Personally, I think a golden retriever would be pretty cool. Friendly, smart, loyal. Just like me.
Poppy wants a Pomeranian though.
Maybe we can just get a golden retriever together when you get back.
Click.
Day 196.
It’s Poppy’s birthday today. We had drinks at The Grand and she might have gone a little crazy with the shots.
She kept screaming to everyone how much she loves us. Dax was blushing so much – it was a little embarrassing.
I think Eva secretly wanted to pretend like she didn’t know us.
She misses you, you know. We all do.
The sound of clinking glasses fill the air.
Here’s to you, Alex.  
Click.
Day 180.
Hey, Alex.
It’s been six months.
The world’s been pretty crazy.
Crime in Northbridge has been at an all time high, Dax thinks someone’s selling a variation of liquid prism in the black market.
Grayson’s got the Prism Gate technology on lockdown, so hopefully that’ll never see the light of day again. Eva and I have been running around the city almost everyday, we’re both a little exhausted.
… we’re trying to be enough, Alex. We really are.
But the world needs you.
… I need you.
Click.
Day 142.
Eva and I tried Dax’s new and enhanced Flaming Gaunlet of Doom. 
It was a smashing success.
Dax would tell you differently though.
He thinks Eva and I cheated by putting most of everything in slow-motion.
It was hilarious.
If you’ve got it, flaunt it, right?
Wish you could’ve been there with us. We would have been a terrible trio.
Click.
Day 128.
My mom keeps asking about you, you know.
She’s worried that we’re having “relationship problems” or something. Says I don’t smile as much these days.
I told her she was exaggerating.
… you know, she’s really happy I’ve found you. She told me as much. Something about you being a good influence on me?
Again, an exaggeration.
She’s right about one thing though.
I’ve never been happier than when I’ve been with you.
Click.
Oh, and by the way, if she ever asks, you’re out indefinitely on a management training program in Prescott Industries’ office in Australia. You know, hoppin’ around with the kangaroos.
Be ready with your stories!
Click.
Day 105.
I had a dream about you last night.
You were smiling and you had flowers in your hair. We were at a festival, I think. It was nice.
Definitely better than the nightmares I get sometimes.
Have I told you about those? The ones about that day with Silas?
Sometimes it’s you lying dead next to me, sometimes it’s me not making it to you in time.
Most times I see you coming back to me though.
And it’s nice for a while because I can feel you in my arms again. See your smile as you tell me, “you didn’t think you were getting rid of me that easily” in that sassy tone of yours, and all would be right.
But then I’d wake up and you’d be gone and I’d force myself to go back to sleep. Force myself to see you again, but it never works.
Those ones I hate the most, I think.
It feels like I’m losing you all over again.
Click.
Day 83.
You think I should cut my hair?
It’s getting a little long. Although, I could also do a classic pompadour. You know? Like James Dean?
It’d be sick.
And I’d look pretty hot.
I mean, I already do, but darling, just imagine.
I’d look extra hot.
You’re not going to be able to resist.
I mean, who are we kidding? You already can’t.
I’ll let you in on a little secret though.
… I can’t resist you too.
Click.
Day 56.
Is it stupid that I keep thinking that you can hear me over these things?
Eva’s a little worried I’ve been spending most of my nights here instead of having actual company.
Have I told you about her dad, by the way? He got discharged today. Eva was so happy, I think she almost cried in front of us.
We’re having dinner at her place tonight.
Fingers crossed they like my yakisoba.
Click.
Day 35.
Grayson and I went out drinking today.
Played a little pool, had some scotch.
We mostly just talked about stupid things we did in college though.
Have I told you Grayson’s funny? Grayson can be really funny.
… he says he’s really sorry, by the way, about how things went down with his dad.
I told him what I think you would’ve told him.
That it wasn’t his fault and that you don’t want him living the rest of his life carrying this burden.
I also told him we were sorry for the way things ended. Silas may have been crazy… but he was still Grayson’s father. And losing a parent is never easy.
Grayson told me all about college Alex too, you know. He… might have told me some pretty embarrassing things. Remind me to tease you about them when you get back.
Not that I’m likely to forget. But you know, just in case.
Click.
Day 23.
You were really cute as a kid, you know that?
I was over at Rochelle’s today and we went through your childhood photo albums.
You never told me you had braces before.
Rochelle said you hated them.
I think you looked cute.
I might have stolen a photo of yours to keep in my wallet.
I… might be looking at it right now.
Either way, you’re not getting it back.
Click.
Day 15.
We told Grayson today. About everything – you, me, Eva, Dax, Poppy, the Prism Gate.
I think he was angry for a little while – betrayed, maybe, that we didn’t include him in our secret.
But he says he understands.
He had his suspicions about you, actually. Guess we weren’t as smart with our excuses as we thought, huh?
He’s doing okay, by the way.
A little beat up trying to get the company back together, but he’s going to be just fine.
We’re going to be right beside him all the way.
Click.
Day 7.
Rochelle says you probably can’t hear us.
She and Dax have been working day and night, studying the effects of excessive liquid prism, and they’ve hypothesized that too much of that crazy stuff might trigger a wormhole into another world.
She says that would explain why we can’t seem to track you anywhere. It’s like you’ve just… vanished.
But I still have hope. And I’m not going to stop doing these.
Who knows? Maybe they have reception in this crazy alternate dimension.
I’m willing to bet it does.
Click.
Day 3.
Have I told you that Rochelle came to us after that day?
She went to your apartment looking for you, but she couldn’t find you there so she called Poppy.
We told her everything. The powers, the Prism Gate, Silas.
She cried, Alex. Says she’s sorry she ever hid any of this from you.
But I’ve also told her that we think you’re still alive and she’s agreed to help us find you.
Look at us. All working together to find the woman we love.
I think you’d be proud.
Click.
Day 1.
Well, technically it’s been five days since you disappeared, but it’s my first transmission, so let’s pretend it’s Day 1, okay? It sounds cooler that way.
Uh… scratch that. Dax, can you edit this part out?
Right. Let’s try this again.
Day 1.
Hey, Alex. It’s me.
Dax says he’s gonna try to upload this into MARCI so that it’ll get to you. We’re not sure if it’s gonna work, but we’re gonna save all these messages for you anyway. That way you can still listen to them when you get back.
So um, hi.
I don’t know where you are right now, but I know that you’re still alive. Call it stupid or being in denial, but I can feel it.
Maybe this crazy prism force linked us somehow, or maybe I’m just being stubborn… but I know you’re out there somewhere.
And I am not giving up on you.
I never will.
… so hang in there, okay? We’re going to find a way to bring you home.
Click. End of tape.
A lone figure makes his way inside the Northbridge clocktower, his eyes accustomed to the dim midnight light, his feet easily finding his usual spot in front of the window.
He looks up at the sky as he pushes a button on his earpiece.
“Begin transmission.”
Click.
“Day 299.
Hey, Alex.
There’s something that’s been on my mind.
I’ve been thinking about what if’s lately. Like, what if the roles were reversed and it was me, sitting there, possibly alone in an alternate dimension, with no way of coming back home? What if it was you, sending me messages everyday, and I was getting them but you couldn’t hear me?
I think it’d kill me, to be honest. Not being able to tell you how I feel.
… there’s something I’ve been wanting to say, something I thought I wanted to save for when you get back.
But I don’t want to hold it in anymore, so here goes.
… I love you.
I think I have since that very first day I saw you and you smacked my ego back in my face.
That was cute, by the way. Very cute.
I love you, Alex… and I still have hope.
I’ll be right here, waiting.
And when I see you again – and I know I will – I’m going to show you just how much I do.
That’s a Katsaros guarantee.”
Click.
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londonspirit · 8 years ago
Text
Elbow Weekend, March 2017, London
Now then, I’m back in Germany, and trying to soothe the post gig/London Sad with lots and lots of Elbow - praised be the lovely people who actually manage more than this 
A post shared by Sarah (@sara_1979) on Mar 7, 2017 at 7:13am PST
Lately I’m much too absorbed in the actual gig than to take anything more than a few blurry pics. Although I did get a few decent ones on both days (did bring my camera for the seated day as phone does well close but not as well when further away). And mostly these days it’s more of a reminder that I was actually there than anything else. Others usually help with better pics and videos. THANK YOU for that!
Anyhow: my London trip was quite magnificent!!! Absolutely fantastic and wonderful despite the rain and the cold and the drunk idiot in the bunk bed above! (Thankfully only for one night but still, that really sucked!) 
Arrived Friday late evening, and even though I was worried about having to travel all by myself this late, it worked out just fine. Sadly mentioned drunk idiot, who stumbled in at half past 1, kept us all awake most of the night with his pissed ramblings - he even tried to stop a snorer who didn’t disturb any of us but that drunk asshole (if he would’ve shut up for 5 minutes he would’ve fallen asleep instantly and we all would’ve had some peace. Ah well, I’m sure he felt our little revenge in form of NOT being considerate of his hangover the next morning! *hehe*) 
I was ready and set for the day; first order of business was to meet up with @daysofstorm and FINALLY meeting @naturalshocks for the very first time!!! Breakfast at Speedy’s which was lovely! So happy to manage the time to meet them and have a lovely morning!  After that I was off to meet up with another friend; we had a wander around Regent’s Park and Primrose Hill, and would’ve made it to Hampstead Heath if it hadn’t got rather late, and I needed to go back to get ready for my concert. 
Due to traffic and weather we arrived later than planned but we still managed to get a good spot in the rather short queue (it grew much longer later on; but we already noticed that people tend to turn up about half an hour before doors open for Elbow gigs). And since my friend got some really good Karma when it comes to gigs, we managed a great spot in the front row!!! (Third time with her <3)  We were very happy! The support wasn’t as bad as the last time (still shuddering, thinking about them), and at 8:45pm it was FINALLY Elbow time!!! 
The second those guys walked on stage I started smiling and didn’t stop for a long time! HACH! I don’t know what it is, and how they keep doing this every single time, but for the entire length of the gig I forgot everything and existed only in the moment!! Sooo damn glorious to see, hear and feel the magic that is Elbow’s music for me!! Absolutely beautiful! And feel one does, with every single bone, and it’s the most amazing thing. I’ve been to many gigs before but these guys, this wonderful, band, keeps doing things that get to me like no band or musician before!  And it’s not the stage show: there’s a few (beautifully put) lights but no huge pyro or anything, just the boys on stage, doing what they do best, and it’s absolutely magical!!!  It was a great mix of the new songs with older ones, and the audience was incredible as well! The usual singalong songs were of course fantastic, as always! When you stand among hundreds and you’re singing along like one??? Most incredible thing EVER!!! (Sadly Head For Supplies wasn’t on the list; I knew that before; but I would’ve LOVED to hear that one live as it’s one of my favs!)  And even though their songs aren’t actually danceable when you listen to the records, live they really really ARE! Especially Magnificent which lately made me all teary eyed for some reason; not on those days! It made me smile like an idiot, made me sing along and dance like a lunatic!)  I’m just sooo very much in love with this band!! If you ever get a chance, go and see them, you won’t regret it. These guys are a band you want to EXPERIENCE!!!  It was over way too quickly (90 minutes fly by when you’re in the presence of these geniuses!), but my friend managed to get one of the set-lists which made her (and me) very happy!  We floated out of the venue, said goodbye as we had to go in different directions, and I made my way back to the hostel (with a quick stop for much needed sugar before bed).
I slept like a baby for 8 hours straight before I headed out to meet with another friend again. She was held up tho, so I strolled around Soho and Covent Garden, and let me tell you there’s worse things to do on a lovely Sunday morning - less crowded than during the week. I accidentally stumbled onto Oxford Street but it wasn’t as bad cause normally I’d avoid it like the plague!  Met up with friend around 1 and we had a wander around St James’s Park, met squirrels and geese before it started pouring down and she got drenched because of the wind. So we said our goodbye, and I went back to hostel to dry off and then met with L again for the second night of magic and music. 
This time we had seats, and as much as I liked being able to sit after two days of running and standing around, Elbow is NOT a band I want to see sitting down ever again; not as long as I can avoid it! Didn’t take away from the amazing show (and you can actually see the WHOLE stage, and the lights and everything) but you’re rather restricted in your (chair)dancing!!! *lol*  Plus, people kept coming and going up there, and made the entire show a bit... unruly? restless, I guess. Was a teeny tiny bit annoying, and I can’t recommend that! As much as my feet thanked me, I’d rather stand another 90 minutes. *shrugs* But that’s just me!  Second show was just as incredible as the first; the setlist got switched around a bit, they changed the order of songs, and so it felt like a completely different show!  I wished I had the words to describe the feeling of being in an Elbow audience, feel the music like it’s something that touches you; how it makes you feel to hear Guy’s voice all around you; how insane it sounds when every single one of the people around you sings almost an entire song completely on their own, and Guy just stands there with that big happy smile and drinks it in!! I mean, he’s done this a million times and yet it feels as if he’s doing this for the first time!!!  Such a lovely lovely man!  And such a happy man - there’s a line in one of their songs that says “I’m having a baby”. And since that’s true (due end of March; he’s cutting it REALLY close with this tour), a) the audience was cheering every time and b) he’s grinning like crazy!!! That was such a special and sweet moment!!!  And the audience is such a mixed crowd: all ages, from young ones (which includes L and me) up to people in their 60′s and 70′s (who are still singing and dancing along which is soo cool to see).  I guess it has something to do with them being around for so long already, and that all their songs can mean something totally differently to people. We talked about that, the same song means two totally different things to her and to me, and I guess that goes for everyone else as well. Depending on the mood, or your personal life, a song that’s sad for you, can be a happy one for them. It’s strange, I never had that before, usually a song’s meaning is pretty straight forward. Not Elbow’s. And that’s one of the many reasons I adore them. Also, sometimes one song comes on, and it’S a good one but you don’t really have a connection with it, and then, days, weeks, months later, you listen to it again, and it suddenly means something. And that’s beautiful. But also makes you realize that you simply cannot have their music playing in the background, you have to actually LISTEN to it, listen to the lyrics and the music itself for it to be the magical music it is!!! 
My friend had to leave early to catch her train home so she dashed off right after the last song (we said our goodbyes before the encore), and I was on my own again, more or less floating out of the building, just following the stream of people - which was helpful cause the station we went down the day before was closed and I had to take another way. *hehe* Just follow the people and you shall find it!  (I even had a lovely moment with a fellow concert goer on the tube; handsome guy opposite who kept glancing over; probably was weirded out by me grinning to myself like a loon but then he tilted his phone so I could see he was playing the Little Fictions. (I mean, that was definitely on purpose, usually phones don’t show it like that when you listen to music) And as he left (two stations before mine), he kept looking back at me, and yes, I smiled at him! *grins* Was a very nice ego boost so... *shrugs*). 
And on Monday I had to pack and leave again; left suitcase at Victoria so I could squeeze in a little visit to the river; just a coffee at the National Theatre (can’t go to London and not go there; even though it was only for half an hour). Bus back to airport, uneventful flight back home where my parents (bless them!) picked me up and then I fell into bed and slept for 10 hours and now I’m going to take a long hot bath to ease the aching limbs! 
But as always, it was worth every pain and soreness to see those guys, meet up with friends and have a total blast in my beautiful London! And I will feed of this amazing feeling, full of music and magic and smiles for a long time! I’m purposefully avoiding anything RL at the moment to keep this happy for as long as possible! And right now there’s nothing that can taint what Guy and the rest of the band gave me!!! Bliss, I tell ya! So much bliss!!!!  Now, have some pics while I go and soak in the bathtub! 
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dvddggs · 8 years ago
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To the Four of Us (Part Nineteen)
premise: modern AU chronicling the squad as they make their way through college and deal with general life things.
soundtrack song: The End of All Things - Panic! At The Disco
full soundtrack: x
words: 2,640
warnings: STRONG trigger warning for abuse!!! PLEASE keep that in mind before you read. I italicized it so if this applies to you, you are still safe to read this as long as you skip the italics (it is written in first person so it’s also distinguishable by that.) BE SAFE YOUNG ONES I LOVE YOU ALL<3
a/n: UR GONNA ALL HATE ME LOOL
all chapters: x
tags: @heythereitsloey @anitheunicorn @newyorkyoucanbeanew @lafbagxette @justafangirlwithanavy @iamgrayfox @ordinaryornate @schuylerjoon @angelica-peggy-eliza @trashyperson101 @crazydragon15 @but-if-you-had-to-choose @geespilots @marvelous-hamilfan @5p00kygh05t @panda-powers @and-maria @lafeyettegunsandships @schokoobananaa @allthegoodurlshavebeentaken @aphboi @hell-yes-puns-and-ships @aham-threw-his-shot-away @hesitantcat @nonstopspook @hamrevolution @passmethegoddamnball
dedication: @hamilton-trash-1, @danimeow, @hamiltonshippingmachine, and @victorieschild for liking literally EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY POSTS ((if ur wondering if i notice,, I do)) lol idek if you guys read this but !!! thank you :)
“So who is John anyways?” Charles asked eagerly after ten minutes straight of dead silence.
He, Alexander, and Aaron were half an hour into their impromptu road trip to rescue John from the train station across the state. Charles was growing restless already, which was annoying Alexander and Aaron, although they silently admitted that it was probably their fault for completely ignoring him.
“The guy he’s fucking,” Aaron said, pointing his thumb in Alexander’s direction with a chuckle.
“The guy I’m fucking,” Alexander confirmed, although there was no humour in his voice. He had not taken his tense eyes off of the road since they’d left, and he was only speaking when spoken to.
He had been clenching his teeth together, even tighter than they were bound, which he hadn’t realized until he spoke.
“Ouch,” he muttered, relaxing his jaw and rubbing it with his free hand. “Did John text again?”
Aaron shook his head no. Leaning towards the steering wheel, Alexander tensed up again and took a deep breath, wishing more than anything that he could have been with John at that moment. Just thinking about his boyfriend alone, scared, and heartbroken on the train was enough to make him feel nauseous to the point of dizziness.
“How long have you been—dating—him?” Charles prompted. “I mean, I feel like if you talk about it you’ll feel better, you know? How did you meet?”
They both ignored him.
“Seriously though, you okay, Lex?” Aaron asked quietly. “We’re gonna get there, okay? We’re gonna get you to him.”
Charles piped up from the backseat.
“How long till we get there, by the way? Just wondering…because tomorrow morning my friends and I are going out and I want to make sure I get enough sleep because I’m not sure how long we’re going to be out for, y’know?”
Aaron rolled his eyes and Alexander felt an extremely irrational bout of rage fire up inside of him.
“Charles fucking Lee, no offence, but I’m going to need you to stop asking stupid fucking questions right fucking now. I frankly don’t give a shit how long it takes to get there, and I don’t give a shit that you care. So please, for the love of god, do us all a favour and shut the fuck up for the next two and a half hours! Go to sleep, play on your phone, or sit there and stare at the back of my head, I don’t give a shit! Just let me think for ten seconds. I don’t need to hear about you and your friends! Got it!?”
Charles recoiled into the backseat of the car, eyes wide and staring at the floor. From the rearview mirror, Alexander could tell that his face was bright red. He felt a bit badly for snapping at his not-cousin, but he truthfully couldn’t bring himself to care too much—his mind was otherwise occupied.
“Wow, harsh,” Aaron said under his breath as Charles stuffed his earbuds into his ears. “But called for.”
Aaron left Alexander pretty much to his thoughts after that, except for reading out the odd text from John, to which Alexander verbally responded.
After awhile, Charles pulled out an earbud and leaned forward.
“Alex,” he began. “Are you sure you don’t wanna talk about it?”
Alexander’s eyes widened in anger as he stared at the road, willing himself not to say anything hurtful.
“Charles,” Aaron piped up, knowing full well that Alexander was about to explode. “He’s going to pummel you.”
And that’s how the road trip was going.
John leaned his forehead against the cool glass window of the bumping train and took a deep breath. He was thinking about the events of the day, which had surely been the longest day of his life.
He closed his eyes and was instantly lost inside his head.
I’m late. Fuck, he’s going to kill me. Why do I keep screwing up like this? I’m frantic as I run down my street, chased by one of my friends.
“John!” he calls. “Slow down!”
“My dad is going to be so mad,” I say, panting.
“It’s your sixteenth birthday; he won’t mind you being a little late!”
My friend, however, doesn’t know that I’d promised to spend the night watching baseball with my father. He had told me that it was the one day per year he wants to hang out with me, which is true. He isn’t asking for too much. And yet I still fuck it up. He doesn’t deserve this.
I stop suddenly, hands on my knees and my stomach erupting with nauseous butterflies. I feel so, so guilty.
“I’m sorry, I have to go,” I say, turning to sprint the rest of the way home.
“Well happy birthday, I guess,” I hear my friend call.
I don’t turn back.
When I burst into the house, the sound of the television makes me freeze. The game is already on. Bottom of the second. I had missed almost two entire innings. I am so selfish.
“Hi, Dad,” I say slowly, hoping that he is not too angry.
“Happy birthday, John,” he says. I sigh in relief at the greeting. His voice is calculated, careful, but after all I haven’t missed too much of the game. I go into the kitchen and grab a beer for my father before joining him on the couch.
“Why don’t you have one, kid?” he says, handing the bottle back to me. “Happy birthday.”
I smile and twist the cap off, taking a long sip of the bitter liquid. I try not to spit it out. It’s not pleasant, but I don’t want to be rude.
“That’s all I need,” I say, smiling, and hand the drink back to my father. “Sorry I’m late.”
Dad tells me that it’s alright and ruffles my hair. I groan, but I am giggling and we cheer as we watch our team score the first run of the game.
“It’s funny,” my father says slowly. I raise an eyebrow. “I was going to take you to this game tonight…bought the tickets and everything.”
The colour drains from my face. His eyes harden, reflecting the baseball game in the irises.
“You should have told—”
“I WANTED IT TO BE A SURPRISE, JOHN.”
I whimper, recoiling into the couch. I am afraid, guilt-ridden, helpless. I should have been home earlier. 
I ruined my birthday.
I ruined his day.
“I don’t mind watching it on TV.” I try to make my father feel better.
He shakes his head without looking at me. He pulls something out of his pocket, rips it in half, and throws the pieces at me. I pick them up.
The tickets.
Dad takes another sip of his beer and turns back to the game, putting the empty bottle on the table beside him.
“Dad—” I say, blinking back tears. I feel so guilty. It is all my fault.
“Shut UP, John. Just watch the game.” I nod and a sniffle escapes my nose before I can stop it. “Are you crying?”
I quickly shake my head, trying to wipe my eyes from which tears are now freely falling.
Dad stands up. He towers over me.
“I SAID, John, it’s FINE. Don’t be a pussy.”
I gulp and it is involuntary but I whimper and before I know it my cheek is stinging burning hot and Dad’s hand is stretched out and it makes me cry harder so he snatches my upper arm and pulls me so that I am standing up. My arm hurts, it hurts, my cheek hurts and I almost cry out in pain but I stop myself before I do because I know that this is my own fault. My sniffles earn me another quick smack on the other cheek but I brave up and take it like a man because that’s what Dad wants. It stings and I flinch but I do not cry because I am a man and I am my father’s son. I am strong.
“Are you done?” he asks coldly. I have made him really mad.
I nod, wiping what I hope are the last of the tears from my face.
“There, there, John. There we go…it’s alright,” Dad says. He rubs my cheek where I can still feel the sting of his hand and I rub my arm where I can still feel the pressure of his strong fingers. 
This is what we do. This is how we bond. We get through things together. Now he is feeling better and so I am feeling better.
He sits back down on the couch just in time for the commercials to end.
The score is 1-0.
I get Dad another beer.
John was bumped out of the trance he’d fallen into by the drink cart smashing against his knee.
“FUCK,” he screamed in pain, ignoring the angry parents who glared at him for swearing.
“I am so sorry, sir!” said the man pushing the drink cart. “So, so sorry.”
John grumblingly pulled his knee back into his seat and shrugged, eyes watering still visibly shaken from his flashback episode. Relatively, his knee did not hurt. Not compared to his brain and his heart and everything else that had been figuratively injured that day.
When James and John had gone to the hospital to see their father, they were greeted in front of the closed door of his room by two police officers filling out a report. John’s stomach sank when he entered the room as he noticed that his father had been handcuffed to the hospital bed.
Just down the hall, John watched a doctor tell a family that their daughter had been hit by a car and that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to save her. John and James sat on the floor in the corridor and listened to the horrific screams of the absolute pain of loss, and knew that it was their father’s fault. They didn’t react. They couldn’t react. John knew that if he reacted to the pain that tore through his body in waves and threatened to rip him apart that he would never recover.
He stood up and paced the hallway, ignoring his father. He hadn’t said a word to him since they’d gotten there. He went to the cafeteria and got a coffee, enjoying the burn it left on his tongue. It distracted him from the pain in his mind. When he returned to their corridor, James still hadn’t moved. He was staring expressionlessly at the gurney across from which he sat.
“James,” John said in a hoarse whisper.
James shook his head.
“James.”
They looked at each other. James motioned for John to sit back down beside him. When he did, he put his arm around John’s smaller shoulders, pulling his face into his neck. As soon as John felt his brother’s hair tickle his face, he started crying. He was hysterical, panting and whimpering, snot dripping from his nose. Tears fell silently from James’ eyes as well as he held his brother.
They stayed like that until John was too tired and dehydrated to cry anymore. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but they’d been checked on by a nurse twice so it must have been quite awhile.  
Finally, when John couldn’t sit still anymore he stood up.
“I’ll be back,” he announced in a weak voice. James nodded without looking at him.
That was when John took the bus home, packed what little clothing he’d brought in a bag, and left the house. On his way out the door, he snatched his father’s wallet and stuffed it in his pocket. He went back to the bus stop and rode around the city until they stopped at the train station.
In a trance, John walked up to the kiosk and stared at the lady.
“Where ya going?” she asked him, smiling. John tried to smile back, but it didn’t work.
“Uhh…I’m not sure.”
The lady raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in her booth. “Are you alone? Are you okay?”
“Yeah—uh—I’m fine. I—when’s the next train to Virginia leave?”
“An hour from now.”
“Any tickets left?” John asked. He had no idea what he was doing but he hadn’t stopped long enough to think about it.
“Yes.”


“I’ll take one.”
He pulled out his father’s wallet and swiped his credit card. Before he knew it, he was on a train.
James: Where did you go? And how long till you get back?
John: a while.
John was brought back to reality by the speakers throughout the train announcing their arrival at Norfolk station. Taking a deep breath, he got to his feet, hiked his backpack onto his shoulder, and took his suitcase out of the luggage compartment as the train rolled to a stop.
As John got in line to walk towards the exit, he realized he was shaking all over. He had no idea what to expect. Did Lex come by himself? It was almost two o’clock in the morning—surely someone was with him. But who? His father? Would he be mad at John?
The more John thought, the more he realized what a rash and stupid this decision this was—he had no money, no plan, and nobody except Alexander even knew that he’d left town, let alone his state.
He begun to panic as he stepped off the train, enveloped in the sudden darkness that meant he was underground. John’s breathing was coming in quick, short bursts as he began to see black spots pop in front of his eyes. He was bleakly unaware of his surroundings as he walked, unsure of which direction he was going. He vaguely noticed that it was colder here and that he shouldn’t have been wearing shorts. The goosebumps that stretched and tightened his skin made John feel like he was suffocating and he grew dizzy as he found a spot to sit down, sliding against the cool brick wall until the backs of his legs hit the hard, concrete ground. John put his head between his knees and told himself to breathe. No matter what, he needed to breathe. Just breathe, John, damn it. All he needed was to breathe and the rest would come, right? After a while, this had to—
“John.”
And, oh great, now he was hearing voices. He hadn’t had a panic attack in years, but he could feel this one quickly approaching and was unsure he’d be able to stop it. Just breathe, John. Just—fucking—br—
“JOHN!”
At this, John snapped his head up, ignoring the dizzy spell the quick action brought on. He recognized the voice that time; it hadn’t just been in his head.
Once the crowds of people cleared, John could see Alexander walking quickly towards him, concern plastered on his face probably because he was wondering why the hell John was sitting on the ground.
As soon as John saw him, all of his anxiety seemed to melt away. Somehow, miraculously, everything that he had done made sense.
“Oh, Lex,” he murmured, standing up and closing the gap between them. As soon as he reached Alexander’s outstretched arms, which pulled him into a tight hug, John broke down in a renewed round of sobbing. He was so exhausted and had waited so long, and it had been such a long day and it could finally end.
“Shh,” Alex whispered, laying his cheek on the top of John’s head. “It’s okay now, John…everything is going to work out, okay? You’re safe now.”
“I l-love you,” John spluttered hysterically.
“I love you, John,” Alex replied. His voice was steady. He was his rock. “Come on, let’s get you home.”
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akissatmidnight · 8 years ago
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Morning! We hope you loved our review of the Scottish subscription box, WeeBox, and are now ready to get into some straight Outlander talk! But use caution: This contains Outlander season 3/Voyager Spoilers! Read no further if you haven’t read the the third Outlander series book!
Now that you’ve been warned, are you ready to talk about Voyager and what might come in season three of Outlander on Starz and what Sarah and Kelsey are looking forward to, plus where you can see some of the stars, besides what we mentioned in another post, which you can read here.
A final reminder, if you hate spoilers, don’t read any further!
Anyways, here’s Kelsey with some of her book-themed dreams, hopes, thoughts, and feelings before Sarah brings in her movie skills to tell you all about the new actors and actresses that are gracing the Outlander stage with their presence!
♥Jamie’s return to Lallybroch♥
It’s going to be sad, seeing Jamie wounded and hiding in Dun Bonnet’s Cave for so many years with only a few books to keep him company. As you probably read on our Legends of Outlander post, there was a real-live man named James Fraser who hid in a care and was nicknamed Dun Bonnet by the cap he wore. Nice connection, Diana!I love seeing history come to life and see how things connect. Something I’m not too thrilled about seeing it when little Fergus get’s caught up in the traitor madness and looses his crafty little hand. I assume more than one tear shall be shed for our tiny adopted Fraser.
♥Friends Foreverrrrr♥
The peculiar relationship between Jamie and Lord John Grey is something that I’m curious to see brought to life on the screen. I’m not saying it’s romantic, you know Jamie only has eternal eyes for Claire, but his friendship with Lord John Grey is going to be one of the cornerstones for the series moving forward. Without Lord John Grey, Jamie’s time in prison, and his later reunion with his biological son, might never be possible. Although, it looks like they’re setting it up to be more romantic in the show than it was in the books, something I’m not really into, as I think their complicated friendship in the series was compelling and deep. I almost feel like making it sound like a torrid love affair, like in some other blog posts and news stories, cheapens their dynamic relationship. If only the show series could do a chapter an episode!
♥Roger and Brianna help Claire Prepare♥
Okay, so A lot of people have a lot of thoughts about how Brianna was cast for the show, and honesty even I was expecting someone redder and taller, but the acting may surprise us in the coming season! But one thing I had a little bit of an issue with is how the show portrayed Brianna and Claire as not being close, like…at all. In the books I felt that there was much more warmth involved in their relationship that wasn’t represented on the show. However, Starz only has an hour an episode to work with, so I’m trying to ignore it, knowing that it’ll be impossible to ignore their true, loving, feelings as the show goes on. So I’m looking forward for Roger and Brianna to grow close as they help Claire prepare for her return to Jamie. I hope it’s just as touching as it was in the book! BTW, just so you know, we also have a lovely Claire dress guide here, so your clothes can be on point, and Sarah’s done a Claire hair tutorial, which is so easy, even I could do it.
♥Meeting Geneva♥
This is going to be tough for all those who love Claire and Jamie. I’m going to be honest, I think Geneva is a grade A asshole. Blackmailing Jamie into sex was a low blow and the man’s life has been tough enough. I know I’ll have a rage stroke when she throws out the “bang me or I’ll scream rape” card. At least Jamie can see some joy in the terrible union by his son William grow for a few years. But seeing as how happy he was knowing Claire was pregnant when she left, It’ll be tough seeing him watch his child from afar. There’s a lot of controversy surrounding this particular part of the series, with the word “rape” being used to describe both sides of the coupling. It’ll be interesting to see how the show addresses it. To cleanse the soul, let’s take a look back in time to when Jamie and Claire were #RelationshipGoals…
♥Baby Jamie♥
Jamie and his interactions with his secret son is going to be bittersweet. Their doings takes up a good chunk of book, and for good reason. We all read, and saw, how into being a father Jamie was when Claire was pregnant with Faith and how important it was for Claire to go back to Frank for the safety of their unborn child. It’s going to be bittersweet to see how young Willie sees a father figure in Jamie and Jamie longs to be close to a child he never thought he’d have, after Claire’s leaving. Their bond in the books might be hard to portray on screen, but Starz has done an awesome job, so far. We know Jamie’s big heart is one of the things we all admire about him, and in care you need to be reminded of the other reasons, take a look at our other list here!
♥The Highlight of the Year♥
I know for a damn fact that I’m not the only person who ugly cried when Claire went through the stones and later learned that Jamie was alive all along. While I understand that she needed to go for her own safety, it’s like she’s still twenty years too late to their reunion. I’m already preparing myself for the Kim Kardashian-like sobs when she finally sees him in the print shop. I’m also dying to see how well Jamie aged. I’m guessing it’s like a fine, beautifully kilted, wine… although he’ll be unkilted for a lot of the season, and not always in the fun way. The fact that we’ll probably have to wait a few episodes for this glorious meeting adds a certain level of delicious suspense. At least it’ll be a smoother journey for Claire, as Roger and Bree help her get the cash and clothes necessary for a successful jaunt through time. Some people are salty that Claire left Brianna in the present to go into the past, saying she’s a bad mom, but Claire did right by her kid and her promise to Jamie, so she deserves to have some Highlander goodness up in her petticoats.
♥The Scorned Second Wife♥
Dis Bitch is right. Ya’ll probably know that I feel Laoghaire is a dirty home wrecking hussy and no one deserves to get lumpy and gross in their old age more than her…well, except for Black Jack Randall… not that he lives long enough for that. Well, anyways, her coming out of the woodwork again to claim Jamie as her rightful husband is something I’m looking forward to. Like, I get how she saw Jamie as the one that got away but, damn girl, have some self respect! I wouldn’t tie myself for a man who was constantly wishing I was someone else, no matter how hot he was. BTW I’m all sour grapes on how Jenny lashes out at Claire and rats to Loaghaire, even thought Claire told her the potato-planting key to Lallybroch’s survival. I hope Loaghaire’s gun-toting dramatics are just as wild on the screen as they are on the page.
♥High Seas Misadventure♥
Poor Jamie can’t catch a break. He, along with Claire and Marsali, go to rescue Ian and he’s stuck vomiting with seasickness while Claire is basically kidnapped by the Porpoise, because the ocean has never been kind to Jamie. Like, universe, give the man a break! All he wants is to live the quiet life and plant some crops and make sweet love to his new found wife, not be held captive and taken towards prison. At least he’s conveniently shipwrecked near Claire. Small victories. I’m curious to see how this will play out since, in the book, their oceanic struggles is a large chunk of action. Thankfully, Starz has brought Mr. Willoughby onto the scene, so poor Jamie will have some relief on the ship. Also, it’s said that the Outlander Starz crew will be using some of the same set used to film their pirate series Black Sails, which I highly recommend to people into high seas adventures, sex, romance, murder, mystery, history, and backstabbing.
♥The Return of Geillis♥
Gonna be real, I’m pumped for the return of Geillis. I know she’s a murderer, adulteress, and all around baddie, but I’m really excited to see her return in all her crazy glory. You have to admire her vicious tenacity and the way she unraveled thousands of years of legends and myths to learn about time travel. Sure, she could have gone around without human sacrifices, but I admire a bitch with flair. I mean, if she had really been killed before having her son, a certain green-eyed man wouldn’t be able to grace us with his presence (lookin’ at you, Roger, you silver-tongued songster)! It’ll be neat to see the witch we love to hate back on the screen.
♥The British Scorch of the Highlands♥
After the failed Jacobite uprising, England took measures to ensure the Scottish would never rise again. They passed the Heritable Jurisdictions Act of 1746 that outlawed the Scottish chief system, hoping that by removing those men from their places of power, the people would be more accepting of full English rule. The Act of Proscription of 1746 was also put into effect, which outlawed all highland dress (see ya later, kilts) in the Dress Act. This took away a large part of the clan identity, which is exactly what the British wanted. If you were caught wearing a kilt after 1746 you could be fined, imprisoned, or even sent to the British colonies for “indentured servitude”, which was just a fancy term for “slavery”. It explains why the kilts of the previous seasons will be lost for a while and not make any sort of comeback for some time. As a history-lover, I’m curious to see how these real life restrictions will come about on the show. Now…let’s have a moment of silence for the glorious kilt.
BTW, if you’re interested in learning more about the Clans, and how they fared after the Jacobite rebellion, take a look at our Outlander page here and read up on Outlandish Clan History parts 1-5!
Sarah’s Thoughts
Now, I am here to help keep Kelsey honest lol. No, I read the books up to what’s been shown on TV to keep the spoilers at bay, so I have not read Voyager yet. My fingers are itching and I can’t wait to start, though. So I get excited about other things…like actors.
As much as I try to avoid spoilers, it is nearly impossible. As a result, I know about Jamie’s other daughter, the “Other Fraser” (Ten points if you get this reference). But what really excited me is the casting! Lauren Lyle and Nell Hudson look so alike its scary!
Perfect casting right? It almost makes you not want to hate Laoghaire…almost.
Okay, we’ll talk about one more kid. Young Ian. I also know who this is, Jenny and Ian’s son but that’s all I know. However, I am a HUGE Jenny fan so I am excited to see the craziness her spawn will likely cause. Plus, he looks like a little Jamie (sorry Ian). It’s alright for a kid to look like his uncle though. In fact, I think it is going to seriously help his future! So, let’s say ‘hello’ to John Bell!
Alright, let’s get into the big one…John Grey. Now, I know he and Jamie are supposed to be friends, but again, that’s all I know. I have heard the rumors that their bromance may be turned into a romance. All I have to say is, where is Jamie going to find the time to do that? Doesn’t he have enough going on with all the needy women in his life? I think it’s all hype to keep people interested and talking about the show while we’re waiting not so patiently for it to start. However, I will say I am terribly upset with the casting of David Berry! Uh! Did we really need another sexy man on the show? Okay, totally joking. He is a nice piece of eye candy and I definitely can’t wait to see his strutting across my BIG screen TV.
I love a man in a suit!
Now let’s here it for Fergus! Everyone’s favorite trouble maker is all grown up and lookin finnnneeeee. I’m happy to see he’s still around and even more excited to see where his character goes from here. The hand thing… yeah, that’s going to be interesting. I almost wish they could pull a Hunger Games and pretend like that bit never happened. But, I don’t think it’s going to take our man too long to get his good hand into plenty of trouble. Let’s hear it for César Domboy!
How about Joe Abernathy? I know he’s a doctor with Claire and he knows about time travel, so that is going to be a whole lot of fun. Mostly because I looked at Wil Johnson’s photos, and he takes a good picture! He has one of those stares that just bores into your soul and leaves you questioning everything in your life!
So, what are you looking forward to in season 3?  Are you a fan of the new cast members? Let us know in the comments! BTW, if you’re a fan of Scotland, check out the WeeBox here! It’s a subscription box filled with all sorts of fun Scottish items worthy of ever Sassenach♥ And don’t forget to check out our Outlander page to fill up the bitter droughtlander!
Read about Kelsey’s Scottish historical romances series and her contemporary romance novel here! And learn more about Sarah’s contemporary college romance series here!
Season 3-Ready for a Voyage? Morning! We hope you loved our review of the Scottish subscription box, WeeBox, and are now ready to get into some straight…
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