To lovely humans who were excluded from invitations, left behind when they tied their shoes, forced to walk in the grass when the sidewalk was full, spoken over when you tried to contribute, whispered about or laughed at, given side-eye when you tried to fit in.... you are so worthy of love.
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I ran into them yesterday
And I painted a picture in my head
Of all the wild fantasies I wished we had
Not the fantasies you are dreaming of
More like the talk at breakfast that we never had
More like the walk through nature where we laid all our fears down
And enjoyed the silence and comfort between us
I ran into them yesterday but all I felt
Was the lost of words that was never said
The wild fantasies of peace we never felt
The long walks home in silence after shouts and anger
Of discomfort between us
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btw cause I think some people still need to hear this, but the rose colored glasses coming off and the ‘revision’ to the meanings of her songs about joe was always gonna happen. with travis around or not. so saying she should focus on her new relationship is not the dunk you were thinking it is. like I keep saying it but she wrote him into her world, she included him in the world she wrote music in, and when she needed to, she wrote him out. why would he get to stay when he hasn’t earned that anymore? she would have kept him in, she even would have left the bad stuff in a box, but he didn’t seem like he wanted that part of her life. please can we all just realize that this is just such a normal reaction and end to a relationship and Taylor doesn’t need to ‘take the high road’ or whatever just because she’s in a new relationship. the reckoning of what happened was always going to be closing the chapter of the story she wrote for them. she’s releasing it whether you’re ready to reckon with her or not.
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thinking about riz gukgak and how he feels so alone and yet how his words, his works, are the first thought for his friends when they don’t know what to do
thinking about how love is work, how love is the act of giving and giving and giving until you have nothing left and yet he cannot ever prioritize himself
thinking about how he takes every nickname, every gift, every moment of care with an eagerness that far outstrips the gift in its giving
thinking about how his every stress comes from a moment of devotion and care for his friends, from unraveling the mysteries that permeate their lives
thinking about how he could call them to action with a single warning because they trust in him so much
thinking about how he justifies what he gives to his friends even as his mother asks him to consider himself for once
thinking about riz ‘the ball’ gukgak
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You ever....[SHAKES WITH EMOTIONS]
You ever think about how...in both canon timelines, Yue Qingyuan thought that...his...his Xiao Jiu... That Shen Jiu...left him behind, rejected him. That Shen Jiu didn't think of him as the most significant person in his life even though to YQY, he is the most important person. That YQY lived and died feeling the person he loved the most, didn't love him back (or atleast not as much YQY loved him).
"Now go. Don't appear before me."
In PIDW, he died thinking even if he gave up his life, it will not be even important enough to SJ to make a difference. And yet, he embraced 10,000 cursed arrows because YQY's love and devotion to SJ cannot be measured in how much love he got back from SJ. YQY willingly threw away his life, believing his death in the will not matter a lot to SJ, and he didn't care. He loved his Xiao Jiu all the same.
"Shixiong, its Qingqiu."
In SVSSS, he lived on believing that "shen jiu" chose another person over him. That SJ is happier, much better without his memories of his Qi-ge. That SQQ wants to leave him behind. Choosing someone else who loves him better than YQY could, and left him behind along with the "forgotten past". And YQY...still loved his Xiao Jiu the same. Because...in the end, he will always be waiting for SJ. Even when he knows that waiting is in vain.
In PIDW, YQY willingly gave Xuan Su to SJ in the water prison. Do you.... [BREATH IN. BREATH OUT]...do you... Ever. Feel like dying after reading that part??? Coz I feel something tightly gripping me and suffocating me inside, when I think of how YQY cared SO LITTLE about himself. That even though his love was imperfect, it was PURELY UNCONDITIONAL.
In SVSSS, knowing fully well, that SQQ has decided to go with LBH, he still said that CQMS will always be open to him. Because he will NEVER let SQQ be without a home to return to. That's what a home is after all: a place, when you have nowhere else to go, they have to accept you.
He will always, ALWAYS, choose Shen Jiu. Even if Shen Jiu didn't choose him back. He will always be Shen Jiu 's home, even if the home is abandoned.
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