#am I okay? is this normal? do other people form emotional bonds with sets of numbers in squares during sudoku games

[milo-is-rambling]

Is this a satisfying as fuck section of a sudoku game or am I weird about numbers

[storydays]

Scrambled Eggs P2

(3rd POV)

*At the Overlord meeting*

"Hmph. Fine. Safe travels back to the nursing home, fuckers. Kiss my ass." Velvette flicked them off, cackling as she left. 

"What the hell? We literally just got here." Zeezi laughed. 

Odette turned towards her mother, worry in her face. "Mother?" she asked. Carmilla held up a hand to silence her before leaving, signaling the other Overlords to leave. Alastor caught sight of Zestial following Carmilla and her daughter into her office. 

"Hmm! Well, that's interesting." He noticed Frank curled up on the floor, "You little egg creature. I have a job for you." Knowing this was something he could do, Frank perked up, "Oh, yes, boss." "Follow them." The Egg quickly followed the group. 

*With the other Hazbin members*

Charlie, Vaggie, (Y/N), and Angel stood by the club door, varying emotions: Charlie was uncomfortable, Vaggie was pissed, Angel was smug and (Y/N) has hiding his hands in his face, peeking through his fingers, his entire face was red. 

"Angel! What the actual fuck?!" Vaggie demanded. 

Angel had brought them...to a BDSM club. 

"No activity requires more trust than BDSM, baby." He wagged his eyebrows at Vaggie, who was scowling, as he played with a pair of pink furred handcuffs with his second set of hands. 

"No bond stronger than those formed through bondage."  Angel grinned before pointing to a sign nearby, "That's their motto." 

It was indeed their motto.

"Angel, love the enthusiasm. But umm, uh...Hmmmm...." Charlie trailed off uncomfortably. 

"Wait, what are they doing with that candle to that man's....what the hell?!" gaped (Y/N), eyes shruken as he continued to peek through his fingers.

"What makes you think anyone would be into this?" Vaggie growled, pointing a finger in the white furred spider's face. 

A pleased hum filled the air, making the group look over at Husk as he received a back massage. "Ya know, I...I don't hate this..heh." He chuckled to himself, before catching Niffty's scent. He opened his eyes to see Niffty had changed into a black latex dom suit, and was holding a whip in her hand. 

"I'm ready to punish some bad boys." she giggled seductively. 

"Yee--Never mind. I-I'm out." Husk quickly fled the area. "Okay, hello, there." Charlie crossed her arms over her chest uncomfortably as a demon came and pressed against her,"Hi, um. Hm.."

Vaggie came to her rescue and pushed her towards the door again, "Ugh! I can't fucking belive I let you drag us down here, Angel! This is disgusting." 

"It's no big deal Vaggie." Charlie smiled, "You know, maybe I can just help, uh.."

"No. I told you, you could trust me. And I'm not going to let you down." Promised Vaggie as she grinned to herself. "I just need to teach them the way I was taught."

Meanwhile (Y/N) yelped feeling multiple hands roam over his body. "Oh, no, no, I am not interested. Please stop touching me," hands continue to roam and he flinched feeling someone lick his ear. He could feel his temper running thin, "Okay, I asked you once, now I'm telling you! Leave me alone." He growled, as the demons touching him continued to touch him.

He was about to panic curse these demons when someone yelled out,"Hey! He already ask youse to stop! And he's taken! Back off!" Hissed Angel, standing at his full height, eyes now glowing a fushia color as he pulled the prince into his arms protectively. "Yeah, let's get outta here." Angel said, pushing the prince towards the door. 

*On the rooftop*

"THIS IS HOW YOU LEARNED TO TRUST PEOPLE?" screamed Charlie as she and the others watched the battle below. 

"There is nothing stronger than the trust between comrades in arms!" Vaggie shouted in her Sargent voice. "Buckle up,  buttercups, because today you boys become men!" she smirked darkly as an explosion went off, making her hair fly to the side, making her more sinister looking than normal. 

"Ah, fuck it." (Y/N) smiled darkly before standing on the edge, he pulled out his own angelic sword from his left wrist band, gripping it tightly in his right hand, before stepping off of the ledge, laughing wildly. 

The other's blinked before Vaggie shook her head and she stalked forward and grabbed Sir Pentious as if he weighed nothing. "Wait, wait! I can't fight without my minions!" He screamed as he was thrown into the brawl going on downstairs. 

"You are going to survive together!" she turned towards Angel who backed up, stuttering, holding out his white clad gloved hands out as if that would stop her.  "D-Don't you even think about it!" "You are going to make this hotel work!" she tossed him over the edge as he screamed on the way down. Husk took the opportunity to leave before she noticed him, and silently closed the door. 

Niffty grinned, doing 'up' motions to be picked up to be thrown over, "My turn, my turn!" She was almost thrown over when Charlie snatched her into her arms.  "Vaggie, no!" "This is the only way they'll learn, Charlie." 

"No, it's not! There are other ways. It just takes time!"

"Time we don't have! How many exterminations will have gone by before these idiots get their shit together? How many times do we have to watch your people be killed before we make headway?" 

Vaggie turned away, clearly feeling some anxiety.

"Vaggie..." Charlie started before her girlfriend spoke up again. "I took  charge today and it all went sideways. I'm supposed to make your dreams a reality. I'm supposed to never fail you." she looked down at the warzone,  barely hearing Angel's scream of, "I blame you for this, you crazy bitch!" over (Y/N)'s cackling as he continued to fight through the demons without a scratch on him. 

"You didn't fail me." Charlie tried to explain as Vaggie turned from her. "You're not--" "If I can't help you, then what's the point of me?"

The princess gasped sharply, "Vaggie, don't say that! You do so much! It's--" "I'm sorry, I'd like to be alone for a minute." Vaggie spoke quietly.

Charlie nodded before silently walking towards the door. Angel Dust had made his way up to the to roof with a Sir Pentious in over his shoulder, and (Y/N) walking behind him with a wide grin on his face, Niffty sitting on one of his arms as he carried her. Niffty was covered in blood, and (Y/N) was almost spotless, except the cut on his face one lucky demon was able to get on him. 

That was okay, because (Y/N) quickly got the fucker back with one of his kunai feathers. 

Angel threw Pentious on the ground before sighing heavily, "Made it." He cheered breathlessly. 

"Let's go home, guys." Charlie said, looking downcast.

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow as he sensed the energy from the two women, but he knew how to read a room....well, roof. His....boyfriend (?) on the other hand..did not. 

"Ugh! I just walked up all those stairs." He grabbed Pentious' tail and started dragging the traumatized demon behind him, his lover watching with an amused smile. 

*With Carmilla*

Carmilla muttered under her breath as she poured a glass of liquor. She lifted it to her lips before changing her mind and chugging straight from the bottle, her daughters and friend watching in worry. 

"Carmilla, what troubles thou? Losing thy composure is unlike thee." Zestial asked, concern on his face. "It's nothing Zestial, really." sighed the white haired woman. 

"The felled angel, t'was by thy hand, was it not?" he asked. "Let's not talk about it." she walked away to her desk. 

"Mom...maybe he should know." Clara spoke up, watching her mother. "Nobody should know. I did what I had to. I am not discussing this." Carmilla pinched her forehead in frustration. The sisters looked at each other before looking away. 

*With Alastor*

The Radio Demon watched as the Egg Bois played in trash. "Ooh, this smells like fun." One of them yelled. "I love garbage!" Another yelled as the elavator dinged, allowing Frank to get off.��

Alastor stopped him with his cane, "So, what did you hear?" he asked. "First the old guy w-was all, 'you're not yourself, you're the one that killed the angel', a-a-and then she was all, 'Whatever it takes--."

"And then what was that last thing?" Alastor leaned down to side eye the egg. "She killed the angel?" he asked. 

"Interesting." hummed the red clad deer. "Let's keep this between us, shall we?" he glowed a bright red, voodoo signs appearing around him. "You got it, boss!"

*Back at the hotel*

"Hey." Vaggie greeted her girlfriend from where she was leaning against the railing. "Hey," Charlie said softly.

Vaggie sighed, standing next to Charlie. "I'm sorry I got so crazy today."

Charlie grabbed her hands, "No, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you. We work as a team." Vaggie let Charlie talk. "I guess, I just thought this all this would be easier..But we'll figure it out...together." They shared a soft smile before Charlie gestured to the men sitting around the lounge area. "I mean, look what your exercise did for them."

*Down in the lounge area*

Laughter could be heard in the hotel. "And then, when that buff guy started beating the shit outta you." Angel laughed, white gloved hands mimicking someone beating Pentious, before leaning back into (Y/N)'s side, the prince's arm falling around the spider's shoulders. 

"Ha ha! With the dismembered arm! Yes! That was particularly...unpleasent." Sir Pentious' face and shoulders dropped as he frowned, remembering the incident. Niffty appeared from under the table, giggling, "I liked that part."

"Well, hey, at least you can take a beating like champ." Husk complimented, before walking over to the snake, "You did good, new kid." He smiled into his booze before walking away as Angel and (Y/N) walked over to the two. 

"Really? Oh, well, I suppose I did get into a little of the old rough and tumble today. Haha!" Pentious laughed before turning to the white furred spider demon, hand out. "And thank you for pulling me out of there." he said, shyly. 

Angel laughed, hitting the snake on his back in a playful manner, the others joining him in his laughter, until Niffty started laughing manically, making the others stare at her weirded out. 

(Y/N) merely knelt in front of Niffty, patting her head with a soft smile, "You were pretty killer out there, too, little lady." He chuckled before standing up, "You might be one of the only fighters I've seen who creeped their opponents out so much that they leave the battle willingly!"

"And you, (Y/N)! Where has that side been, man? Holdin' out on us, Prince?" grinned Husk. "Hey, you can't be the son of Lucifer and not know how to fight. Don't ya know it's the quite ones you have to look out for?" His eyes glowed an eerie red as he grinned darkly showing his fangs. 

"Damn, my boyfriend is hot." Angel grinned, as he pulled on his collar, a light pink dusting his cheeks.

*Upstairs in the balcony*

"Well, how about that?" Vaggie smiled before hearing the door slam. "Alastor!" She called, "Failed to get rid of the eggs, I see."

"Yes, well, the little monsters prove to be rather useful." He grinned to himself as the other members approached. 

"Why don't you give them back to Pentious?" Vaggie smiled. "Really?" gasped Pentious.

"Yeah, after today, I guess I can trust you with them. But seriously, no more weapons." She glared.

"Ahhh!! My eggs! Yeah." He squealed, looking down at the creatures. "Oh, it's so good to have you back. Now, go clean my quarters this instant!" He yelled, watching the Eggs salute him before rushing off. 

"Maybe things will move faster than you think." Charlie smiled proudly at Vaggie who smiled softly back.

*In Pentious' room*

"Ah! How was your day with Alastor, my minions?" He asked, laying down. "It was awesome, boss! I went to this meeting, and there was this knife lady, and old guy,and a dinosaur!" Frank gushed. 

"That's nice." hummed the snake, half asleep. "And the nice lady killed an angel." Frank puffed out his chest proudly. "And I was not supposed to talk about it." He facepalmed himself. 

"Oh, I'm so sure, and maybe tomorrow, you'll meet martians tomorrow. But now, it's time for sleep. Good night, Eggies." Pentious smiled as the Eggs cuddled into him.

*With (Y/N)*

(Y/N) hummed as Angel brushed his wet hair. It was a long day, and (Y/N) still couldn't believe that Angel shared his feelings! But now that they're together,(Y/N) wasn't as flustered when Angel made his jokes and gestures, because he knows that's not Angel Dust whose flirting with him, that's Anthony. 

Angel Dust is part of Anthony, but it was Anthony who (Y/N) knew needed help. At least mentally; but now both Anthony and Angel Dust needed help....and by his father's name, (Y/N) swore he would free the spider. 

The hard way or the easy way was completely up to Valentino, but he hoped it was the former option. 

Angel suddenly flicked the prince between his eyes. "Whatcha thinkin', about, principesco (prince)?" 

"Di quanto sei carina (About how pretty are)." retorted (Y/), as he smiled up at the Italian, cupping his cheek and staring at his eyes, Angel's hair fluff vaugley encompassing them in shadow, their eyes glowing with clear admission and a slight bit of lust.

"Gentile Principe (Kind Prince)." Angel whispered, lips brushing against (Y/N)'s.

(Y/N) pressed his lips against Angel's, "Gentile Principe. (beautiful soul)."

Their first kiss so soft and perfect.

[raayllum]

& i will say as someone who has always liked the gothic / earned my degree in english... there is something to be said for “never say never” if you actually want to analyze media and/or expand your horizons. 

not only are pieces of media that discuss violation and taboos interesting (in many ways from a literary standpoint, incest and cannibalism are the same thing - a violent consumption and one sided ownership - but one is sexual and the other is physical, and bringing them together can be Fascinating in terms of how we can talk about the human condition, the harm we can do to one another & have done to one another, etc) but are also just useful, because how those things have been seen and treated have varied (somewhat) over history? 

cannibalism and kinslaying was a massive no-no in ancient grecian society, in spite of or maybe even in response to both of those things happening one by one in their primordial myths (kronos literally has children with his sister - like all gods - then eats his children, only for his children to later ‘kill’ him by chopping him into pieces. his dick formed aphrodite)

and to a certain degree, watching people go through terrible things or inflict terrible things on one another in the realm of fiction is the crux of tragedy. there’s emotional catharsis in tragedy, of course, of just expelling emotions in a safe setting where terrible things are not happening to you, but then there’s also the reaffirmation of agency and security that you have, because they’re not happening to you - that characters do not have free will, their stories are written for them, but you do have free will (which is its own burden, but mostly not). 

like you may say “i’ll never ship anything that falls into [x thing here]” and that could very well be true (although bad news if it’s incest and you’ve enjoyed literally Anything based off mythology in your life like PJO or hadestown, etc), there are definitely squicks for me i’ll never really be into but like. i also don’t totally know? there could always be the right story at the right time and place that makes me intrigued or interested in something i wasn’t before. 

having that openness also means allowing for different interpretations. i can ship past viren/harrow, and even in the present day portion of the show, while acknowledging and being fully aware that narratively / thematically (and canonically, if we wanna go that far) they’re supposed to have a brother-like bond. but to stuff characters and ships and moral rules into stuffy little cubbies and ignoring all the grey areas, and where people (fiction or otherwise) have always existed in those grey spaces has just... never sat right with me?

perhaps it’s because i’m nonbinary, so i exist in a grey and outside of a binary. maybe it’s because i lean towards not needing definitive answers, thanks to the reading i’ve done on judaism and religions other than my own (cultural & religious) christian background. maybe it’s because as an aro person, my own form of attraction is incredibly blurred between romantic and platonic. maybe it’s because i am Very good at recognizing anti (anti sex work, anti kink, anti shipping, anti queer, anti trans) rhetoric because it all comes from a place of “this exists and i think it shouldn’t, even though it’s not harming me” not only from my existence as a queer person, but also from my perspective (and from others like me) of being a minor harassed by adults in the name of ‘protecting the children,’ because they thought i was shipping a minor/adult. i wasn’t, for the record (canon ages were extremely ambiguous) but even if i had been, that’s still totally okay?? and not worth harassment?? just be Normal about it??

so yeah, i block liberally about it to protect myself, and i don’t blame other people who do too, because if someone falls into one of those anti camps, it’s very hard to tell which other ones they may fall into

and idk, i just think it’s Good for people to read things that make them uncomfortable, fiction wise. it pushes you past your own cultural understandings. it can lead to growth or reaffirm your own worldviews for the better. the more you overtly moralize (and demonize), dividing things into categories of “this is always bad or irredeemable” the more you make it harder for people to discuss the full complexities of their lives, because something can be always bad, yes, but that doesn’t mean there was never any good (or reasoning behind it that, right or wrong, appealed to the best or worst of people) in it either. if you deeply moralize racism, you give ‘nice whites’ a shield to hold up. if you deeply demonize age gaps, you make people who are actually vulnerable to them less likely to listen, rather than giving young adults better tools and concepts to learn when a relationship - any kind of relationship - is healthy for them.

and i’d say it’s fiction’s responsibility to challenge, but not to unilaterally teach, ethical and moral norms, anyway (which also aren’t defined principles, but you get my drift). what’s that quote? “Art Should Comfort the Disturbed and Disturb the Comfortable” by la cruz. Yeah

anyway all this to say go read the perks of being a wallflower or kiss of the fur queen or the book thief or things fall apart and come back to me about prioritizing your personal comfort over letting people just live their lives in fandom without moralizing everything. modern day sanitation will not help you in the long run

[anonymousfiction211]

Give it time: ch2

A/N:

Some time ago I wrote this story about Loki seeing Steve flirt with you and getting jealous. It was fun to write it from Loki’s point of view. Here is what happened next, written from your point of view. While writing it I got the idea for another (and last!) chapter of the next day, written from Steve’s point of view. If you guys are interested. Hope you like it😉

Warnings:

Hurt/comfort 

Comforting Loki

He cried.

You had never seen Loki cry. Sometimes he would tear up and on a rare occasions a single tear would fall down his cheek. But now he was sobbing against your chest, holding you extremely tight. For a moment you feared he would forget that he could crush you like a bug, but after a while the sobbing died down a bit and his grip around you loosened. Able to move, you put a hand on his cheek. Loki averted your gaze and hid it in the crook of your neck.

‘Loki?’ you asked.

He didn’t react. You held him tighter and stroked his hair. Whispering in his ear that it was okay and everything would be all right. That you were here with him and you weren’t going anywhere. After a while Loki stopped crying, but didn’t try to move. He had drank a lot, not normal alcohol, Asgardian alcohol. Thor had warned you before the party that Loki might have one drink too many. It had been a while since he had any alcohol that could affect him. No wonder that he was emotional. And the whole situation with Steve didn’t help. You wished he would see that he had nothing to worry about.

‘Loki?’ you asked again.

Loki’s grip loosened more and he showed his face to you. His eyes were red and puffy, he looked heartbroken. And it broke your heart to see him like that. But you also were a bit relieved to see it. A relationship with Loki wasn’t always easy. He was very closed off and didn’t always show his emotions. The longer you were together, the more he started to relax and show you his true self.

‘It’s all right. Tell me what’s wrong’ you whispered to him.

Loki sat up right in the bed. You did the same and grabbed his hand. He let you hold his hand and squeezed in it.

‘Steve’ he said with a strained voice.

Not this again, you thought. The same argument the two of you had since the beginning of your relationship. Ever since Loki had learned that you and Steve had ‘history’ together, he became possessive and scared to lose you. It wasn’t even really history. When Steve woke up after being frozen you had helped him adjust to the modern world. The two of you had a strong bond and became inseparable. To help him with the new dating customs, the two of you went on a dinner date. After the date he walked you home and yes, the two of you kissed. You weren’t sure if it was because of the romantic setting, that you spend all your free time helping Steve, or that you actually like him. So, you were relieved when he came by the next day and told you that he didn’t know either.

Everything was new to him, Peggy was still alive and the loss of their possible future was something he hadn’t come to terms with yet. At that time, he needed a friend and the two of you decided that that’s what it was. Friends. After that you never talked about it and there were never any awkward moments. You actually had forgotten about it. When you started to date other guys, Steve was extremely supportive. Except when you started to date Loki. He thought you could do better. But after a few months of Steve seeing how happy you were with Loki, he let it go. He even tried to make an effort with Loki. Loki was wary of Steve at first, but that was just Loki being Loki. Unfortunately, Steve had told Loki about your ‘history’ before you and after that Loki couldn’t stand Steve. Loki insisted that Steve was interested in you, but you knew Steve better and that surely wasn’t the case.

‘Loki’ you sighed. ‘I told you time and time again, there is nothing happening. We don’t look at each other that way. You need to let this go. I swear we’re just friends’ you said.

Loki squeezed your hand tighter ‘It is’ he said. ‘I just passed him in the hallway, getting you your water. He flat out told me that he is interested in you’

‘What?’ you asked shocked.

‘He wants you, he told me’ Loki said.

‘That can’t be. You sure?’ you asked still shocked.

‘WHAT? Because the God of Lies is incapable of telling the truth?’ Loki snapped.

‘No! That’s not what I meant’ you quickly said. ‘But are you sure? What did he say? Maybe you.. you know.. misinterpreted it?’

‘He pretended to be worried about my state and said he thought he had to take you home. It told him that I will always take you home. He reacted by saying ‘Give it time’. I told you that he is madly in love with you. How can you not see it?’ Loki answered.

‘Maybe he meant that he would have if you had any more alcohol? Or that there will be a point in time where he takes me home, because you are on a mission or something?’ you tried to calm Loki down.

‘Are you SERIOUSLY defending him right now?’ Loki half yelled. He let go of you hand and looked angrily at you.

‘It’s just.. Steve is my best friend. And I don’t want to ruin that friendship, because you’re jealous at a stupid thing that happened years ago and meant nothing!’ you explained.

‘Don’t’ Loki said.

‘Don’t what?’ you asked.

‘Don’t act like I’m unreasonable or wrong here. I love you, but you are so naïve sometimes. He’s been shamelessly flirting with you, manipulating our fights, and manipulating me’ he said through gritted teeth. ‘So, don’t tell me that I misunderstood. Don’t try to justify his actions. My whole life people tell me that I misunderstood, that I’m out of line. I’m not!’ tears were starting to form in his eyes.

‘You mean because of your youth and competition with Thor?’ you asked. Thinking that maybe that was the real issue. Maybe he was projecting his feelings from then on some made up idea, because it is less painful.

‘I am referring to that, but this isn’t some made up idea. This is very real. I can’t believe you don’t believe or trust me in this’ he said.

‘Are you in my head?’ you asked.

‘Obviously’ he sarcastically said.

‘You know I hate it when you do that’ you snapped.

‘And I hate it when my girlfriend keeps hanging with her ex and is totally oblivious about his true intentions. Yet, here we are’ he snapped back.

There was a long silence. You were trying to find the right words. Loki’s face had gone blank and you had no idea what he was thinking, or is he was still in your head.

‘If it is really true that Steve has changed his mind and wants more than friendship, it doesn’t change the fact that I am with you. And that I love you. He can try all he wants, but I’m not leaving you. I have no interest in Steve that way. So, if you can’t trust him, trust me!’ you tried to convince him.

‘How can you promise me something like that. Maybe you change your mind after some time. I know being with me isn’t the easiest thing in the world and there is Captain America. The poster boy of goodness and everyone is falling for it. Steve isn’t always the gentlemen he advertises to be. I can’t believe that the only other person who sees that is Tony’ Loki ranted.

‘Because whenever I’m alone in bed and you’re on a mission, I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about you the whole day. Even tough you hide it, you care so much. Not just about me, but also Thor and the rest of the team’ you grabbed his hand and he didn’t pull away. You snuggled closer to him and laid your head on his shoulder. ‘You’re charming, funny and caring. And the day you decided to actively participate with the rest of the team was the day I fell hard for you. I love you, Loki, and I will always love you. That’s how I know I can promise you that’ you whispered to him.

Loki pulled you in his arms ‘I love you too. Please don’t leave me’

‘Never’ you said, snuggling closer against him. He laid down in the bed, still holding you close.

‘But I still feel uneasy about it’ Loki whispered.

You knew that this was not something that would go away in one night. ‘I’m not going to dump Steve as my friend, but I want you to be comfortable. So, I could talk to him tomorrow and keep my distance for a while, give us some time to figure something out. Maybe we can take some time off, go away for a weekend’ you said.

‘I would like that’ Loki said.

‘Now go to sleep, Lo. You feel better tomorrow I promise’ you said.

‘Maybe I should talk to Steve tomorrow?’ Loki said before you could fall asleep.

‘I think it’s better if I talk to him’ you said.

‘Honestly, I don’t think so. But if that’s what you truly want, we do it your way’ Loki mumbled. You kissed his chest and drifted off to sleep.

But if you knew how tomorrow would go, you would have done it his way.

Permanent tag list: @delightfulheartdream @the-best-phineas​ @theaudacitytowrite @pescadoavocado @theestorm

[wesimpforxiao]

Say My Name and I’ll Be There: 8.3; Lantern Rite Part 2

Author’s Note:  Happy Valentine’s Day ;)

........

--Can feel your emotions...emotions cannot be permanently ignored...fall on deaf ears...early grave... Xiao scoffed and downed the rest of his tea before forcefully setting the cup back down onto the table. "You think admitting my alleged feelings for a mortal human would solve the problem?"

"She's done her part, now it is your turn," Zhongli straightened. "If you fail to do so, I fear she will perish from your karmic debt in no time at all. If what you say is true, it's a miracle she's still alive. Your admittance would seal the bond, as it would eliminate the side effects altogether."

Xiao's head whipped in the direction of the playing of an instrument note, but was only greeted with the joyful screams of children running around nearby. "Tch. How annoying," he played his mishearing off and returned to his normal sitting position.  A few beats of silence passed before he spoke again.  "I would only be prolonging her untimely demise.  If we stay together, if she stays by my side, my sins will affect her with or without the bond."

"That is correct."

The archon was never one to sugarcoat things.  "It would be selfish of me to admit to those emotions, selfish to indulge in them--she would die at my hand."

"Yes."

"Then why should I seal the bond, if us getting closer seals her fate?"  The yaksha's voice nearly cracked, but he hid it well with his piercing gaze as he questioned his master.  "Why?"

"How long do you plan on protecting Liyue?"

The random question made the yaksha falter.  "For as long as our contract endures."  What a silly question--it wasn't even for debate.  It was his duty to protect Liyue, to absolve his sins and pay thanks to the archon that redeemed him.  Why would Zhongli bring it up now?

"How much longer can you protect those who reside in Liyue?  How long until the cracks begin to form within you, too?"

'Just as my fallen friends...' Xiao searched his master's eyes for a moment before parting his lips.  "I--"

"I do not know the end of your story, Xiao, but I brought your unruly fate upon you.  When the time comes for you to face the same darkness that's consumed you, you cannot face it alone."

.........................

Zhongli watched the three of you push your way through the crowd to greet him, his eyes narrowing at you in particular.  "I see you have found your other teammates," he nodded approvingly.

"Yeah."  You hadn't stopped scanning the crowd, and didn't so much as look his way despite being prodded by Aether.

"Something's wrong with her," the boy warned Zhongli.  "She's not--"

"Do not concern yourself, traveler.  She will be just fine."

"Huh?"  Paimon grumbled.  "What do you mean by that?  Have you no concern for her?"

"We've convened earlier today.  I will inform you, but first..." His eyes slid back to you, and he raised his voice to catch your attention.  "You wish to see him?"

"Hm?  U-um, yes..."  His piercing gaze saw right through you, and it was an uncomfortable feeling.  "What?"

"I'd advise you to leave the harbor," he nodded to the mountainside that was on the other side of the city gates.  You nodded a quick thanks before running away at full speed.

I'm here, Xiao.  But the yaksha didn't need to hear your impolite prayers to know that you were, when he could hear the distinct conversations of the people you ran past even though he was literal miles away from the harbor.

..............

You felt him before you saw him.  Sitting on the rocky hill that overlooked the guarded entrance of Liyue Harbor, you peered over your shoulder to find the one person you had longed to see all day.  The yaksha stopped in his tracks when you met his eyes.  

"What...are you doing here?"  It was like he was uncertain if he was hallucinating, eyes narrowing cynically as you stood to greet him.  It was clear that he was weary from his day-long battle, but any pure exhaustion was hidden behind his tough façade.  

"Childe brought me back for the Lantern Rite," you caught him snarling when you said the harbinger's name.  "I--"

Your vision was suddenly obscured by his face once he appeared before you at the speed of light.  His hand gingerly traced your cheek, a rare gentleness, a fondness seeping through his cynical eyes.  You hadn't realized how much you had been craving his touch;  your hand kept him from removing his from your cheek.  How long had it been?  Two weeks? It had to have been three by now, but it felt like an eternity from how much you had to deal with Childe or watch people die.

Real, Xiao's lips twitched into an unnoticeable smile, but the light in his eyes was bright as day.  The two of you stood with foreheads pressed together for who knows how long until the yaksha was the one to pull away and regain his neutral composure.  His eyes floated to that of the dark ocean before landing on the small lantern that sat next to your viewing rock.

"They'll be releasing them soon," you say, noticing his gaze.  "I meant to make two, but it turns out its REALLY hard to make them..."

"Mm."  He acknowledged you before sitting on the left side of the rock, silently prompting you to join him.

You did.  "H-hey, is that blood?"  You finally noticed the smear on his right cheek, worry entering your voice.  "Are you okay? Here, let me see--"

"It's not mine."  Xiao leaned away from your hand and wiped the smudge away himself.

Back to pushing me away, you faltered back, wavering eyes refocusing their attention on the black horizon to distract yourself from the hurt that panged in your chest.  You sat on your hands as if to close yourself off from him--to restrain yourself from invading his personal space.

I did it again.  Xiao inwardly cursed himself out for causing the sad look in your eyes.  It's not like he meant to.  He's too used to shutting people out for their safety; he's too accustomed to being alone.  Xiao watched you out of the corner of his eye before finally gathering the courage to speak.  She needs to know.

"I need you to understand," he started, sending you a brief glance before facing the ocean again.  "Yakshas accumulate karma from the eons of slaughter we're tasked with.  It eats away at our souls, corrupts us, or drives us mad.  We become the monsters we're meant to destroy.  Outsiders, companions, anyone who gets too close, will share and suffer that karma.  It is why I order you and Aether to leave, and it is why I keep everyone at a distance."

You watched him continue to carefully sort his thoughts out.  He's never talked so much without your prompting.  

"None of us have had, nor will have, a happy ending.  This is our fate.  And it will be your fate too, if you continue to stay at my side.  The karma I've accumulated will only grow in future years, and you won't be a stranger to it."

Your shoulders dropped.  Is he...Is he going to leave me completely? Is he going to push me away for good?

Xiao heard your worries, and he briefly met your eyes again.  "Could you still love a yaksha, while knowing this information?  While knowing your fate will be sealed, and you won't find peace?"

"Of course."

"This isn't a light decision," Xiao admonished and rotated his body slightly to face you.  "You cannot--"  Do humans not understand danger?

"Xiao."  The determination in your eyes made his next words stick to his throat.  "I've already thought about it long and hard.  I've seen your past.  I've felt some of your pain.  Even if this bond thing doesn't 'seal'--whatever that means--even if I am stuck with hearing those awful voices for the rest of my life, I will never be able to stop my feelings for you.  Even if you don't return my feelings.  I've come to accept all of it."

Could Xiao bring himself to admit his feelings if there was a high chance that fate would set its cruel sights on you?  You could say all this now, but you've only felt the karma for a month.  What happens in a year from now? A decade? A century?  Your life wouldn't be as short as a humans because of his blood...Could he find it in him to confess if you were driven mad and he, ridden with guilt from causing your downfall?  Sealing the bond wouldn't guarantee that the voices would leave you, and it definitely wouldn't make you immune to his karma.  Xiao had thought he had decided on confessing, but now that he saw that raw, naïve determination in your gaze, maybe it was better that he kept it to himself for your safety--

"Do you trust me, Xiao?"  His attention snapped back to you.  "You felt my love for you in Zapolyarny Palace, didn't you?  If you did, then you know my feelings are genuine..."

That's right...your feelings were so warm back then, and the way you had hugged him close...He felt his own version when he had heard your moonsong.  'How long can you continue protecting Liyue? When the time comes for you to face the same darkness that's consumed you, you cannot face it alone.  Zhongli was righ--Archons, forget it.  You had never lied to him, and he doubted you'd ever plan on doing so in the future.  You were still just as stubborn as all those years ago on your deathbed of bloody soil; that aspect of you never changed.  And if you were this stubborn, it wouldn't make sense for him to label your decision as a half-hearted, half-thought out answer.

Xiao examined you carefully for a silent minute, not quite listening to the words that flew out of your mouth.  He didn't know how much longer he could stand tall against the swarms of darkness that swirled in his heart; he liked to think he could do so for another millennia, but that could change with one wrong move, one wrong thought, or one misplacement in willpower.  But maybe as Zhongli said, he could find a new purpose, a new ray of light that could help him continue his duty if the day for evil to overwhelm him ever comes.

The yaksha couldn't quite find a place in the mortal realm, but he was curious on how it worked, how the humans were, what kind of customs they created.  His karma made it impossible to quell that curiosity, and equally as dangerous for mortals.  But he met you, that four year old girl that didn't do anything but provoke his curiosity and longing for kinship further.  And then he really got to know you, all those months ago--what made you tick much like the other humans, the way you smiled, how you had the same sense of humor as him, the aggressive and the kind sides of your personality that clashed together to form this perfect, messy example of how humans worked.

Maybe he found out where to start when it came to you mortals, and that starting line was with you.  You shone at the end of the tunnel, a beacon for safety and dare he call a symbol of peace that he could come home to.  Xiao's eyes never left you as you continued to ramble on.

"--Then, I suppose, I could love you."  The yaksha muttered the words like they tasted sour, but his eyes were soft when they landed on you.

"I--You--Huh?"  You had thought he was trying to pull away from you for good, but this? He was confessing?  Your oblivious mind wouldn't have guessed this would happen...So this is what Zhongli was inferring earlier!

"What?"  Xiao narrowed his eyes and looked away as if he were embarrassed.  "It's not that significant," he pouted.  "Humans are flustered too easily by the smallest matters."  Despite his crimson cheeks and beet-red ears, he found it difficult to fight back a smile when he saw the ridiculous look on your face.

"You..."  Faint lights shone down on your little moment, and you glanced up to find that the lanterns were being released.  "Wow, look!"  You rose to your feet and stared at the distant lanterns before remembering that you had one of your own.  Your gaze dropped to it, and an idea struck you.  "Xiao...would you like to do this one together?"  You picked it up and lit it with the match you had in your pocket.

"I still don't understand why humans discard their trash into the ocean," he muttered before standing as well.  He watched the small flame burn brighter as it sat in your hands.  "What's the point?"

"The lanterns represent our wishes and thanks to the adepti," you explained and gestured for him to take hold of the other side of the lantern.  He reluctantly did so, but curiosity overcame him and he patiently listened to you with a slight childlike wonder in his eyes.  "As for why we chose lanterns, I think it's just because they're pretty."

"Hmph."

"Do you have any wishes for the archons?  We're supposed to write them on the lantern," you pulled a small pen out from your back pocket and uncapped it, offering the other end to him.

"Adepti don't go by your mortal ideals," he scoffed.  

His clear distaste for your question drew a laugh from your lips.  "I figured there was no harm in asking again! Okay.  Even if you don't have a wish, let's release it, yeah? One, two, three..."  The two of you gently pushed the lantern into the air, where it slowly made its journey to join the rest of its companions that now floated all around you.  

"You didn't write your wish," he commented, his brows furrowing in confusion.  How dare you ask him to write a wish, yet you did no such thing.  The hypocrisy of humans!

"Why would I need to if it already came true?"  You gave him a smirk before facing the sky.  "They're so pretty," you marveled, nearly making yourself dizzy from staring straight up.  "Don't you think so?"

"Mm."  He agreed, but he was only looking at you.  It took you a few minutes before you could gather the courage to return his gaze, feeling his stare while you watched the lanterns sparkle like the stars.  Well, it was also when your neck got tired.

You returned your eyes to the yaksha only to find him staring hard at you with an unreadable expression.  "W-what?"

"You're serious about me, even if it ends up killing you?"  He still couldn't understand why...Wouldn't self-preservation be what everyone chooses when put in a perilous situation?  Is this human stupidity, or is there some type of logic behind your trust that he failed to grasp?

You blinked, facing him fully.  "One hundred percent."  I don't need to think twice about my answer, but he's still concerned about me?  "Xiao, do you trust me?"

He didn't answer and instead approached you after a few beats of silence until you almost breathed the same air.  He was visibly struggling with something, but as for what, you had no idea.  He allowed himself to slide a hand through your hair and play with the strands before it settled against the nape of your neck.  He pulled you closer until his lips grazed across your eyelids.  He ignored the shocked gasp that left your parted lips and let his brush across your other eyelid before they settled against the spot between your brows.

He then pulled away, his head resting against your forehead, and for a second you wondered if any of that was real until you managed to snap out of your daze.  "D-did you just...?  Xiao...?"

[rataltouille]

GEOMETRY OF THE HOLY MOON (1 AM): A SHORT STORY

GENRE: surrealism, literary fiction.

POV & TENSE: this little space is not enough for how wild the form is so i talk about this later!!

SETTING: a small desi village, 1924-25.

TONE: dreamy, unsettling, melancholic.

THEMES: faith vs reality, how people perceive others and how they perceive themselves, grief dealt the wrong way.

AESTHETICS: the splash of water on a quiet night, thick clouds obscuring the sky, rippling the moon’s reflection on the water. the intensity of a garden in spring, the emptiness of a dying town, the suffocation from being singled out. hands grazing lightly but never fully held. a lingering sadness behind your laugh. believing in things you shouldn't believe in. putting faith on a starless sky.

STAGE: completed first draft, 4085 words.

LOGLINE: a young boy, surrounded by loss, claims to talk to god. the story follows him and his conversations with this god, all while his village spies on him as he weaves his way around the two most crucial and lonely years of his life.

LITERAL LOGLINE: on today’s news let’s talk about a small backward town that hates sad little boys who worship god, even though the place is lowkey a cult!!

CHARACTERS:

THE SUMMER BOY: he’s around thirteen, and he’s very emotionally attached to his past. he lost his family at a young age to an unstable force, so he spends his time talking to himself. he’s a quiet, demure and sweet person, always willing to help others. he’s outwardly oblivious and sees only the good in people to a point where he doesn't understand when they’re trying to do him wrong. but! considering how the story [like a lot of my others] has themes of perception vs reality, it needs to be said that he isn't all that innocent. he’s rather impulsive and rash, never afraid of hurting himself [and thus accidentally harming others].

A GOD: is he real? do we even know if he’s an actual god? a very elusive figure despite having a lot of screentime. he’s a surprisingly humanised character and arguably the one with the most empathy. he has a soft spot for the boy and the two have a deep bond which is not common for a human and a god to have. you don’t get insight to what the other gods are like, but they’re implied to exist. this story has a very messy and hazy view towards religion and godhood and their nature towards humanity, and this vague figure, a dreamlike character, is proof enough of that.

THE VILLAGE: okay so in general these people suck. the village consists of, well, the village, but they’re very fluid in the way they appear in the story? as in for the most part they appear as a collective, a unit. one character, the summer boy’s “friend”, is somewhat separate considering he’s a pretty important character. it’s very hard describing this unit of a character but essentially they’re the main antagonistic force and they hate the protagonist for seemingly no reason.

WHAT GOES DOWN:

sometime around this time, the boy chances upon meeting his “god”, this being who lives up in the clouds and whom he talks with often, except you don't know if this god is real or not. that’s one of the recurring themes of this story: what’s real and what isn’t. it’s :) a fun time :) for sure :)

essentially Things Happen And It Only Gets Weirder. i cannot even try describing what happens because it’s all very spoilery but let’s just say that this is a very sad story but not even in a “this makes me cry” manner, but rather in a “this is so fucked up wtf why”. the prose of this is very, very hazy and thick, in a manner that’s both smooth and suffocating. there’s also a lot of moon and water imagery which we love. i love the atmosphere + the setting—colonial india— as it’s a subtle but key element to the plot.

FORM:

OKAY YES be prepared for the true colours of how unhinged i am. i apologize for the form brainrot.

POV: so in this story i really said “what if it had all three of the main povs... jk jk... unless 😳😳” and then proceeded to use all three povs. you’re probably wondering, how did i do that? WHY did i do that? and my answer to that is: 🙂

the first-person pov: the summer boy narrates in first person. his pov takes up about 40% of the story, and this is where we unlock family backstory + how he feels about the various forces playing into his life. he’s an extremely unreliable narrator and he knows it; his narration oscillates between very naive and very self-aware, and this effect is pretty disconcerting. the summer boy is kind of a walking contradiction and we love that conflict.

the second-person pov: a god narrates in second person. his pov takes around 20% of the story, and his scenes all involve his conversations with the boy. his pov is extremely detached, and suspends belief because he seems awfully made up. there’s an edge to the prose in his narration, where you know that something's off, but you can’t exactly pinpoint what.

the third-person pov: the villagers narrate, either as a collective, or as an individual figure, in third person. they take up the other 40% of the story, and there are so many different people and differing opinions with this, and every time we read a third person excerpt it’s a different person, and this is mostly used to add onto the different ways in which the boy is perceived. this is also where the structural part of the form gets really wacky.

STRUCTURE: if my story isn't told in vignettes is it my story though /j. gothm is told in vignettes, each one between 50 to 500 words. the first and second person bits are normal-ish vignettes, with straightforward narration. the third person vignettes, on the other hand, are super assorted. we have a lot of epistolaric sections— there’s a letter, a folk song [which was found around the summer boy], and most of the conversation is told as just plain dialogue without tags. there’s also a phone call transcript, and finally some normal chunks of prose. what am i doing wtf.

also to add onto this the story is told non-linearly. 😀 the only thing that keeps me from going insane is the fact that there are chronological tags before most vignettes [also the manner in which they're tagged differs from pov to pov. for example a few of the third person conversations are marked just as “sunday” or “thursday”, while the summer boy’s narration is marked with the full date and year]

in all this clownery i completely forgot to mention what the tense was [the way everything else was so complicated that i forgot tense was a thing lmao] and good news!! it’s the only sane thing about this story!! it’s told fully in present tense. thank everything.

AN EXCERPT:

okay i’m once again not sharing much because this will be submitted to litmags 🧞

[The boy is scrawny as always. He carries an air of diswant— even death had rejected him when the plague killed only his grandmother— but walks like he doesn’t notice. He smiles at them, jitters, and wipes his hand across his knees. Blood comes away in thin, translucent lines. He saves it on the kerchief he keeps tucked in his shirt, careful to dirty the cloth even more. The villagers scrunch their noses in disgust; who knew how old and rotten the kerchief was, or how long it had carried blood like the unwashed sword of a warrior?]

also by the way this excerpt is in square brackets because it is a third-person interjection in a vignette that is otherwise first-person [at this point...]

SPARE THOUGHTS:

this was inspired by a conversation i had with my grandfather, where he was telling me about how people used to sing songs to the skies, as a way of devotion to a specific god. he used the [loose translation of] the english word “yearning” to refer to the emotion the singers would invoke, and that sparked the concept of a disillusioned young boy who talks to the moon as a way to please the god he’s in love with. it’s a very softly disconcerting story and once again deals with the theme of “perception vs reality” which if you know me and my work, is the theme i’m forever obsessed with.

i really like how this turned out? the atmosphere is exactly how i wanted it to be, and there’s so much i have to add on as i edit and i’m really looking forward to that. this is also the only short story i’ve written where i knew which litmag i’d love for it to be published in? like i never write things with publishing in mind, but for some reason while writing this story it occurred to me that it would be a perfect fit for this specific magazine and i love that. anyway if you’ve made it through the post till here,,,, bless you and your braincells. and that’s all for today!!

[everlesslahote1]

“I’d do it all over again sir” (Paul Lahote) -Request

“Could I get a Paul x reader set in eclipse where he imprints on an old friend of Carlisle who is a vamp/shifter but the wolves don’t know that and she is sassy but he try’s to fight the imprint then in the fight she is badass and shifts and he and the wolves are just kind of in awe...abit of angst but fluff ending?” 

-Umm ofc you lovely being, this caught my eye and I was like “omg I love this” so this should be fun. Only thing I am going to change is the x reader and make this a oc and if it bothers you to much let me know and ill change it, Thank you❤.

Paul Lahote x oc

(warning: None that I know of)

-Enjoy!

-

-

-

“Nila, to what do I own this pleasure?” Carlisle said who was happy but confused to see his old friend when her coven was in Utah.

Him and his family now stood on the porch of their lovely home looking up at the girl who clung to a tall tree after hearing the ruckus she rumbled in the woods.

“You know words get around Car , What’s this newborn battle I’m hearing about” she said jumping from the tall tree she was handing from.

“A team up with the wolfs to kick newborn ass, duh” Emmet said as he leaned on the on the banister.

Nila smirked before dropping her face.

He and Nila never really saw eye to eye but they wouldn’t say they ‘hated’ each other just a firm dislike.

He was going to be the biggest in the house but not the toughest, he wanted to give it a go after not seeing her for a while,

“If it isn’t the dumbest Cullen or... should I give that to Edward for falling in love a human” she said looking between Emmet and Edward with her light brown eyes.

Since she wasn’t fully Vampire she didn’t have to drink blood, she could live off human food too.

She only chose human food because she knew everyone’s input on vampires, they all think their sum blood thirsty monster’s.

Her skin wasn’t hot to the touch but wasn’t ice cold either, it was warm like A perfect day to wear a sundress to the beach.

“Why don’t you come in, we were just discussing our plans” Carlisle said with a open hand to the door of his home.

She gave a warm smile to Esme, Rose, Alice, and Jasper which they kindly returned, while she shot a bird at Emmet and not even taking notice to Edward a second time as she stepped into their home.

“Hasn’t changed a bit” she said more to her self looking around.

-

-

-

“so their after Edwards walking blood bag, Why?” Nila said now knowing everything but why they were coming for Bella.

“We have no idea” Carlisle said ignoring the snarky comment from his friend, he knew how she was about anything new and a human in love with a vampire is new for everybody.

She rolled her eye’s, looking over at the window, there stood a huge tan man in a muscle shirt  with cut off jean shorts and black shoes.

His hair was cut low and he smelled of woods and sweat.

“I take it he’s the wolf she lead on while pale face ran off” she said now looking back at Esme.

“Okay how long does she need to stay I mean really, all she’s doing is making comments on everything!” Bella said as Rose chuckled and Nila smirked.

Rose was known for getting under Bella’s skin so she enjoyed watching others do as such, when they first met she knew she had to befriend this little ball of fire.

This is just adding to their bond.

“Hold your tongue or I’ll throw you to the little monsters myself, if anything I’m helping save your ass” She said only half joking on first part.

Which was true, she was helping but she wasn’t doing it for Bella, she was doing it to pay Carlisle back for saving her life almost 60 years ago.

Carlisle found a 16 year old Nila beaten and bruised by her abusive uncle who took her in after her parents died, left for dead in a alley way like she was nothing.

She was beaten so bad, he soon turned her seeing it was the only thing to save her life, all without knowing she would turn into a massive wolf.

It caused problem’s for him and Esme, her anger toward the man who left her for dead almost controlling her making her faze at least 7 times a day. 

Then being something that even the oldest of vampire’s have never heard of, the first of her kind and the only.

A Wolf with the same abilities as a vampires.

A hybrid.

After she learned to control her heightened emotions, Carlisle gave her a choice to stay but she wanted to see the world.

And that he understood.

So she left, later finding a small Vampire coven who soon became her family but she never forgot bout the Cullen Coven, the people who saved her life.

Bella swallowed hard before a glaring Edward grabbed her hand and walked out the room.

“I still like you, I still like her” Rose said smirking at her mate which caused him to roll his eyes.

“we train with the wolfs tomorrow at noon in a open field, be ready” Jasper said as the family walked the hybrid to the door of their home.

“See’ya soldier” she said as her small figure disappears into the night.  

_

_

_

The Next Day...

“Again!” Nila watched Emmet shout at Jasper after losing a match.

“hey, maybe you should give it a break. Ya know? before you pop a bicep” Nila said as she leaned on a tree , not to far back.

Emmet groaned trying to ignore the smart mouth women as his mate kisses his cheek and patted his shoulder.

“Don’t be a sore loser babe” she said smirking as she smiled with Nila.

Rosalie was really liking Nila being around, it was fun having someone to be a buddy with even though the others were dreading it or didn’t pay it any mind she was here.

Everyone treated Rose like she was bomb, one wrong move and the blonde would blow up in everyone’s face.

Which was kind of true but she liked the fact that Nila treated her normally, like she wasn’t cold hearted.

Like she wasn’t on egg shells around her.

Like she wasn’t a monster.

Everyone turned their heads after hearing a car pull up only to find the two love birds jumping out and joining the group.

Not even second’s later tall, like HUGE wolfs emerged from the treat lines slightly growling at those who stood before them.

“Well...Hello doggies” Nila said pushing up off the tree she was leaning on searching over every wolf in her eye sight.

The Pack took attention to the extra leech they have never seen before, especially Paul but he looked down at Carlisle before he could get a good look at her.

“They don’t trust us enough to be in their human forms” Edward said looking at his adoptive father.

“They came, that’s what matters... will you translate?” Carlisle asked as Edward gave a slight nod and stood in front of the wolfs.

Nila heard Bella say something to a rusty brown wolf but payed what ever it was no mind

“Welcome, Jasper as experience with newborns... He can teach us how to defeat them” he gently spoke.

“They wanna know how the newborns different from us” Edward stated.

“Their a great deal stronger then us because-”

“Their own human blood lingers in their tissues” Nila spoke out now coming closer and out of the tree lines.

Carlisle nodded at his friend before continuing.

“our kind is never more physically powerful then in our first several months of this life” he finished before stepping back letting Jasper take the lead.

“Carlisle’s right... That’s why their created” he said pacing.

“A new born army doesn’t need thousands like a human army... but no human army can stand against them”

The wolfs growled lowly as to say ‘we get it’

“the two most important things to remember are first... Never let them get their arms around you, they’ll crush you instantly. And second-” he said keeping eye contact with the wolfs.

“Never go for the obvious kill, they’ll be expecting that. and you. will. lose.... Nila, Emmet!” he shouted making the buff pale man and warm colored girl step forth.

Nila gracefully stood a few feet away from Emmet with a smirk. 

“Don’t hold back steroids” she said in a teasing manner.

“Not in my nature she-devil” he responded in that same manner.

She stood still as Emmet charged at her small figure pushing her back through the dirt and lifting her, throwing her to ground only for her to land on she feet lightly.

Nila saw he was going to play dirty.. she going to show him she could play filthy.

smirking , She ran towards the man with force as he swung a punch toward her but she dodged it, she grabbed and twisted his arm making him turn in mid air before using her elbow to push his back to the ground, she won.

She pinned him.

“Never lose focus, sweet cakes” she said winking and turning back to go back to her spot in the tree’s but she felt eyes on her.

Nila turned around to search of eyes even close to looking at her, only to lock with Paul’s dusty grey ones.

She then felt her world stop as if only it was him and her in the field but she didn’t break eye contact with the wolf.

She saw a future with him, marriage , kids, love. A home.

He saw the same thing... felt the same way...

“One more thing...” Jasper’s voice spoke breaking them from their trance.

‘what the hell was that’ she thought but shook her head looking up to find  Carlisle on the ground who was pinned by Edward.

That soon changed when Carlisle grabbed Edwards ankle bring him down as he now pinned Edward.

“never turn your back on your enemy” he said rolling his eyes.

As it was now Rose and Jasper’s turn to spare , Nila was now to deep in her thoughts to pay any attention , Paul the same.

Pictures of Nila’s light brown eyes flashed through his mind none stop, the vision’s of their future along with them which caught Jared’s attention.

‘oh dude... tell me you didn’t, did you?’ Jared thought.

‘shut up Jared’ 

‘OMG YOU DID!’

‘Will you guy’s focus, our life’s are kind of on the line here’ Paul heard Embry’s voice.

‘Paul imprinted on a leech Em, how am I suppose to focus if she’s flashing in my head. Kim is going to kill me-’

‘Enough’ Sam’s voice spoke.

‘Paul, we’ll talk later now all of you focus’

-

-

-

Training is now over and Nila sat on the steps of the Cullen’s home.

She just couldn’t get the dark grey out of her head.

What was it about him that pulled her to him and why was all she wanted to know I mean come on. she didn’t even know his human form.

“I wouldn’t stress it Ni maybe he just thought you were cute” a holly Alice said long side her.

she smiled gently before she spoke.

“Thanks pixie”

Mean while..

“you have to tell her Paul, she as a right to know” said a annoyed Sam beside Paul as the pack sat in Emily’s kitchen eating a lunch she made for a good luck before the newborn battle they have coming up.

Since training Paul wasn’t himself, almost as if he was missing a part of himself now that he was far from his imprint.

But he also felt disappointed in him self, why a vampire out of all things?

“Sam’s right... You cant stay far without hurting your self too” Jared said as he had a full mouth.

Embry and Quil agreeing with the usually dumb minded wolf.

“Mouth closed Jared” Emily Called out to the young boy, he said a quick sorry before he continued to wolf down his food.

No pun intended.

This angered the hot head Lahote, they don’t know what its like to imprint on your natural born enemy and then had the nerve to tell him to deal with it.

They wouldn’t know how to deal with it unless it happened to them.

“You don’t anything or even what your talking about” He said coldly.

Paul stood out his seat and stormed through back door leaving the conversation he wasn’t ready to have as he ran into the woods fazing mid sprint.

Flashes of the girl the cold one’s call ‘Nila’ going through his head was to much for him so he ran... growling and barking at anything in his path way.

The Battle 

Nila Pov 

 It was now battle day, after two long nights of waiting, her mind still on the dark grey wolf in her mind, it was finally time to let her emotions go and kick some newborn ass.

Bella Stayed with Edward and Jacob far in the hills.

Jacob carried Bella to the camp out not to far from where the battle would be held to mask her scent so the newborns would be lead to the Cullen’s and Wolf’s plus Nila instead of Bella.

Nila kind of hoped the grey wolf would show as they were preparing for battle just so she can at least hold some conversation with him.

ask him what happened at training, why did she feel a pull to be near him all the time, why does her half death body ache when she thinks about her future with out him in it.

it was so much she needed to say.

“Stand tall, here they come” Jasper says as we lined up next to each other.

They listened as the growls grew louder, Foot steps coming closer ,and branches breaking.

Finally at least 20 pairs of blood red eyes came running from the tree lines and The 7 Vampires returning the act.

Jasper heads in first as he threw a power full punch breaking the newborns head like a piece of glass that just dropped.

Emmet using his buff figure to knock another of their feet then turning to twist one’s head right off their shoulders.

Every golden eyed vampire holding their own barely even noticing the pack jumping from the bolder and attacking a hand full of Newborn their self.

Esme grabbed a newborns foot to send then flying in the air for Carlisle to push the cold body down to the ground as his mate throws the monster to the wolfs.

Literally.

Nila was fighting to get the arms of a newborn from around her figure but couldn’t, Paul took notice to her struggle and jumped at the newborn holding her in one quick movement pulling his head off with his shark teeth.

They shared a quick glance before heading their own ways.

As they cleaned all of the newborn’s clean from the open field they were in everyone finally took a breather.

“Yeah never again, that bitch almost killed me” Nila said.

“Language” 

“sorry”

“How long?” Edward said coming from nowhere will Bella on his left like a sea clam.

“A few minutes... maybe ten?” Alice said.

 “the pack needs to leave , the Volturi won’t honor a truce with the werewolves”

 A left over newborn jumped out and a white wolf with tan and grey in its fur attacked without thinking on anything.

“LEAH DONT!” Edward yelled.

The same dark grey wolf Nila as yet to talk to in human form jumped over the said wolf and latched on to the newborn then started to rumble. 

Nila started to tense as the gray wolf started to lose his upper hand on the newborn. 

The newborn got his arms around the grey wolf crushing his spine as Jasper said almost instantly, the wolf dropped to floor turning and whining in pain.

“NO!” Nila said running towards the monster who hurt the grey wolf fazing mid sprint and with one clean movement she torn the newborns head off.

“Paul... Hold on ok, Carlisle’s gonna take care of you” Edward said to the now human laying once where the grey wolf was.

There laid a tan man with the same tattoo as Jacob but buffer with arms in a x to try and help with the pain in his body but it was no use.

Nila’s wolf ran to the mans side ignoring his lack of clothes as she whined, a way of tell Carlisle to help him.

“his bones on the right, half them are shattered” Carlisle said.

5 boys and 1 girl soon came to Paul’s side in a hurry.

“Paul , You idiot! I Had it” Leah shouted.

“Leah!”

“we need to get him out of here , we’re not gonna want a fight with the Volturi” Edward said as Nila laid on her stomach resting her head gently on Paul’s shoulder ,whining.

 “we’ll take him back to Billy’s” Sam said.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can”

The boys started to close in on Paul which Nila didn’t take to kindly , she missed what she was being said between the pack and Carlisle.

All she could focus on was Paul laying flat on the floor who she adored and felt the need to protect, moaning in pain.

Nila growled loudly as the 5 boy came in closer.

“Nila, they’re helping him. let them.” 

She huffed before she started to whine again, hearing cries from Paul brought cries of her own.

“she can come... maybe she could help” Jacob suggest to Sam as they held Paul’s body up.

Sam nodded.

“They’re Coming!” Alice said which made Nila look to Carlisle as to ask could she.

He gave a warm smile before speaking.

“Go”

She hurried and follow the boys and Leah out of the woods.

-

-

-

Nila is now shifted back and everyone is at Billy’s.

Everyone’s out side as Paul screamed, it made her uneasy.

“What are they doing to him!” she asked turning to who she learned was Embry.

“Doc’s rebreaking his bones” she took a deep breath before she heard another one of Paul’s cries.

She slipped her finger into her hair and gripped it slightly.

Nila was freaking out and this wasn’t like her, she was pacing the grass as she tried to block out Paul’s screams. 

“Paul Imprinted on you!” Jared rushed out trying to help the girl at least stay in one spot, all her walking and things were making him nervous.

“nice going jackass”

“really dude”

“Oh my gosh”

“this wasn’t the time...”

“someone had to say it!’

Nila zoned out their babbling as she focused on what she just heard, of course she has heard of imprinting but she just thought she had something on her face and her brain wanted to be over the top.

But instead he imprinted... and he didn’t tell her...

Nila felt her heart clench, was she not good enough to be is imprint? is that why he didn’t say anything?

The door to the little red house shack opened. Carlisle and Sam came out and shut the door.

Once again Carlisle said something and Nila didn’t pay it any mind.

“Nila... He’s asking for you”

She Looked up and shot through the door she walked down the small hall to find Paul on a bed in a pool of sweat and bandages.

He opened his eye’s half way to see her standing in the door way and muffled a laugh.

“so... your the hero wolf” he said in horse.

she gently smiled as she walked closer to the bed and sat on her knees.

“I- guess I am” she said looking up at him in his eyes.

They were beautiful to her, the way they shined even with no light on them.

“Look-” he said trying to sit up.

“Hey! no no no, stay still” she said starting to panic as she placed her small hands on his chest gently pushing him back down.

“ahh”

“Sorry- I’m so sorry- I-I should leave, I’m making things worst-” she said talking fast and getting up.

Paul caught her by her hand feeling the sparks on his skin as they touched.

In all honesty he didn’t want her to leave.

“Stay... please” he said making her slowly take her seat back on the floor, never taking his hand out of hers.

They sat in a peaceful silence before he spoke.

“I should have told you about the imprint... I’m sorry” he said looking at the side of her face but she turned her head to look him in his face.

“it’s okay, I get the whole Vampire werewolf hate thing but before you make up your mind-” she took a deep breath as she finally pulled her hand away from his now picking at her nails.

“I-I don’t think I have the will to stay away from you anymore” she said looking at her hands as he stared at her.

“Then don’t...” he said gently.

She look at his face to see if he was joking about what he said but she found no joking matter expression on his face.

She blushed.

“Lets start over” he said slowly sticking his hand out to shake hers which she gently shook.

“Hi, I’m Paul Lahote. I’m a werewolf, I imprinted on you and Thank you for saving my life ma’am” he said making her giggle.

“Hi, I’m Nila Livid. I’m a Hybrid, I kind of don’t mind-” She said smiling and falling into his eyes.

“and I’d do it all over again sir” she smiled making him smile and hold her hand tighter.

“Nice to meet you Nila”

-

-

-

HAPPY NEW YEARSSSS!❤

[speechlessxx]

Call It What You Want (Ransom Drysdale x Reader)

Summary: There’s an unspoken bond between the Reader and Ransom.

Warnings: poorly written SMUT (18+ MINORS DNI), unprotected sex, oral sex (fem receiving), soft Ransom (because i love him idc), bad relationship with parents. This fic was honestly so self-indulgent because I love this song. 

Word Count: 3.7k

Loosely inspired by Call It What You Want by (the Queen) Taylor Swift.

Sometimes life felt as if you were playing a Jenga game alone on a table with uneven legs.

For brief moments, everything was normal. Your movements were delicate as you built the tower. Higher and higher it would go, but then you’d stop to admire your work. You would rest your elbows against the surface and accidentally cause the table to shift. The tower would collapse, and you would have to rebuild it again.

However, you never had a stable foundation to begin with. The table was always wobbly. So, time and time again that tower fell. And you’ll have to start over alone.

That was your life.

Your parents were wealthy workaholics. You don’t remember being held or cuddled by your mother or father. You had a revolving door of nannies. None stayed too long so you could form any connection. Your mother would catch them in bed with her husband and terminate their employment. Even through your father’s infidelity, your mother refused to leave him. You remembered her drunkenly admit to you, her 7-year-old, that she stayed because she was afraid of what others would think.

When they weren’t working, they were fighting. You spent nights crying alone in your bedroom as you overheard endless arguments throughout the night. Your parents’ voices would echo through the large house and you’d hear every single insult, threat, and slur.

Your family was sitting upon a tense string that refused to break.  

You had no stability – no constancy. You had no siblings either. Your school friends – whether they were from grade school or high school, it didn’t matter. They were all the same – were too self-involved to pay you any mind. You had no shoulder to cry on. No one to kiss the bruises and the scars away. No one to lean on when your life itself felt like it collapsed.

You only had your parents who both resented you because you were the result of a love that they no longer had.

Perhaps, that’s why you and Ransom Drysdale got along so well. Trust-fund brats who were neglected by their wealthy parents. Maybe it was a good thing that you at least had each other.

The closeness between you was surreal. You read one another like an open book whereas others had difficulty even pronouncing your titles. You were each other’s confidant, best friend, and rock. You found in comfort in each other’s mess.

It would be easy to mistake you two as a couple.

Both of you were once touch starved children, so you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. It was in the grazes of your fingertips and the tight embraces where you would snuggle your face in the crook of his neck, and he’d bury his into your hair. Ransom often kissed your wrists and fingers as he toyed with your hand in his. Every time you sat down next to each other, your knees were touching, or you’d be playing an unconscious game of footsies. It didn’t matter what your bodies were doing or where you were – you were always touching.

Strangers, and even those who knew you, often did think that you two were together. And when confronted, both of you would always scoff and say no. You were just friends. Nothing more, nothing less.

But behind closed doors, there was something. Something more that ignited your skin and set your body on fire. Something more that left Ransom – the talkative asshole – speechless and panting as he tried to catch his breath.

You both agreed only to have sex when it was absolutely necessary.

“It helps us blow off some steam,” Ransom had explained to you while you just nodded in agreement. You couldn’t find your words. Your wits had been fucked to silence and your brain felt like jelly.

You have your shared struggles and frustrations. Sometimes a simple lay was all you needed to let out your bottled-up emotions. It made sense when you established the agreement in your late college years.

“It doesn’t mean anything,” you agreed breathlessly.

You didn’t do it often. It would ruin the friendship. You even established a “no kissing on the lips” rule. You said it made everything all too real.

But as the years went by, something else began to blossom. Something else established itself. But neither of you would ever dare speak of it.

It would ruin the friendship after all.

-=+=-

You hated coming back to your childhood home. Haunting memories were the only keepsakes you had there. You had moved out right after college and would only return for holidays – upon your mother’s demand. You always felt as if it were empty. The house was massive and for many years was only home to three people, excluding the help.

You sat at the table alone as you anxiously fumbled with the initial necklace Ransom had given you for your birthday. The dainty gold ‘R’ charm was between your thumb and index finger as your leg bounced while you stared at the untouched feast.

Your father had excused himself, saying he had an emergency video conference for work. You and your mother rolled your eyes as he rushed off. You both knew it wasn’t for work. Enraged, your mother stalked off, glass full of chardonnay in one hand, the bottle in the other.

You didn’t know what you expected. It was like this every holiday – your parents made no exception. You stared at the turkey before you. Your parents didn’t even last to meal itself.

Frustrated, you decided to wrap everything up and packed them into take-home bags. You knew your parents probably wouldn’t eat the leftovers, so you thought about donating the feast to the foodbank. You could drop it off on your way home.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. You dug it out and smiled upon seeing Ransom’s name.

Surviving? Because I’m not.

You chuckled. Suck it up, Drysdale. It’s Thanksgiving.

If I have to spend one more minute with these assholes, I’m going to throw myself down the stairs.

No exaggeration.

Before you could respond, you heard your mother call for you. Her glass was empty, and she was staggering into the kitchen, clearly drunk. You wondered if she drank the whole bottle.

“What the hell are you doing? Where’s the food?” She slurred.

You gestured to the packed meals. “I was wrapping them up because no one was eating.” You decided not to tell her about donating them. Lord forbid that you tried to be a decent human and help those less fortunate than you.

Your phone buzzed again. You gave it a quick glance.

Heading home now. They’re gonna give me an aneurysm.

How’s dinner?

“Why would you do that?” Her brows furrowed, but with her Botox, it made no wrinkles appear on her aging face. She put her hands on her his, the glass nearly slipping from her loose fingers. She was an angry drunk. She always was.

You wanted to say that she and your father ruined Thanksgiving. If they’d only just sit down and eat and pretend they were normal for thirty god damn minutes. But every year, that was never the case. You were always disappointed. “I can unpack it if you want.”

“Your father is an asshole.”

“You could’ve left him years ago,” you muttered.

She didn’t hear you. “How’s the job?”

“Good.” You said as you began to unpack some stuffing. Get some food in her since she was already full of alcohol.

“I don’t know why you decided business was for you,” she let out a long sigh. “Just like your father.”

“I don’t like setting up events. PR’s not my thing,” you tried to joke, topping it off with a forced laugh.

She set down her empty glass and flicked her hair off her shoulder. “Could always work for me, sweetheart. I need a new assistant.”

“I’m fine. Thanks, ma.”

“No, for real, sweetie,” she insisted. “I’d love for you to work for me. That’s every girl’s dream. Work for their mother.” You frowned. I don’t think that’s it, you thought.

“I’d rather not be tied to this family any more than I am,” you muttered. This time she heard you.

An exaggerated offended noise came from her lips as she stared at you with her jaw dropped. “Don’t be an ungrateful little bitch.” She spat. “That’s why you never do anything right and that’s why you’re unmarried, unloved, and unhappy.”

“I’m unhappy?” You laughed mockingly. “I’m not the one trapped in a marriage to man that constantly cheats on me. In fact, I’m ecstatic that I’m nothing like you or dad. I’m buzzing with jubilation.” You couldn’t stop yourself. You knew you were worsening the situation.

“You’re a vile bitch that’s gonna end up alone.” They were drunken words. You knew that. But it didn’t stop it from hurting.

You didn’t bother to respond. You chewed on the flesh inside your cheek before turning away and rushing out to your car. You cursed yourself for leaving the food. It would be trash tomorrow. Wasted. Stray tears rolled down your face and you wiped them away aggressively as you drove.

Being alone was something you should’ve been accustomed to already. In fact, you were. You were an only child, had friends that never bothered to ask if you were okay, nannies that cared more about your dad than taking care of you, parents who didn’t even remember your birthday unless they were reminded by their assistants. You knew how to be alone. You were so good at it.

And that frightened you.

You didn’t want to be alone. You craved affection, companionship, love. You wanted that for yourself. But despite all the luxuries you were granted throughout your life, that was one luxury that you desperately wanted but seemingly would never receive.

You felt your anger bubbling inside of you. A pressure started building in your head – steam that needed to be released.

Luckily, you knew where to go.

-=+=-

The holidays were a particularly hard time for both of you and Ransom. Your families demanded your attendances at events, so you both were always forced to come see the very people you loathe the most. Throughout the years of your friendship, it became a tradition to check up on each other as you spent time with your … “loved” ones.

It was a sanity check – something to keep you both grounded. He had a big family, so he could talk shit about them for hours. You loved to read the messages he’d send you.

But this time, he had sent you several messages that you hadn’t responded to. He began to worry until he heard a car door slam in his driveway. You let yourself in. You had a spare key.

“Ransom!” You called out.

“Bedroom!” He responded. He paused the movie he was watching just as you walked through his already open door.

There was something wrong. It was written all over your face. He didn’t need to ask you if you were alright. He knew you weren’t. So, instead he patted the empty side of his bed, inviting you to come lay down with him. But you had a different type of lay in mind.

“How hard is your dick right now?” You asked, bluntly, as you shrugged off your jacket and tossed it to the floor.

A smirk crept its way to Ransom’s face. “Come here and find out.”

You kicked off your shoes and shimmied out of your skinny jeans, leaving your legs exposed in only your plain, black panties. You climbed onto his bed and straddled his lap. You began to grind yourself to his growing erection. The friction stimulating both of you.

Ransom groaned as he watched you. His hands searched his sheets until he found the remote. With clumsy fingers, he managed to turn the TV off and toss the remote to the edge of the bed. He heard it fall, but he was too preoccupied with the gorgeous woman grinding her pussy on his slacks to even care.

“Let’s take this off, hm?” Ransom asked, fiddling with the hem of your blouse.

“Show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” you teased, stopping your movements.

“You’re childish,” Ransom chuckled, his tongue grazed the back of his teeth. He gave your ass a sharp slap. “I didn’t tell you to stop.”

“You aren’t the boss of me, Drysdale.”

He quirked up an amused eyebrow as if to say we’ll see before he pulled your top off your body. You were now sitting on top of him almost nude in your matching bra and underwear. You returned the favor, pulling off the hole-ridden baby blue sweater and exposing his body to you.

Your hands explored his chiseled chest and stomach. Hard as marble, but not nearly as hard as his cock beneath you, begging to be released from its confinements. You shifted down a bit so that you could undo his belt, but his hands stopped you. He grabbed your wrists and you frowned at him.

“What?” You snapped with furrowed brows.

“We’re on the same page?” Ransom asked you. He was concerned. Sure, this almost friends-with-benefits arrangement was years old at this point, but he still wanted to make sure you wanted this. He always asked before anything got too far.

“Please, Ranson…” your voice nearly cracked. He stared into your eyes and despite the lust being evident in your blown-out pupils – he was sure his mirrored the look – he saw the light red lines, an indicator that you were crying. “I need it.”

“Okay,” he nodded and let go of your wrists. Without hesitation, you began to expertly undo the belt and unbutton his pants. With his help, you were able to successfully pull down his slacks and left him in his boxer briefs. The tent inviting. Before you could reach into his underwear and pull out his friend, he flipped you over. You squealed in surprise as your back was pressed into his bed. “You need it, baby?” You nodded. “Okay… I’ll think about being nice.”

“Ransom,” you whined.

His fingers lightly traced the sides of your body. You shivered at his touch. You took it upon yourself to arch your back so that you could unclasp your bra. You threw it away, exposing your chest to your best friend who groaned.

“God, I love these.” He muttered.

His hands cupped your breasts, toying with them. His fingertips tweaking at the nipples as he ground his desire to yours. Ransom leaned down and latched his mouth onto one of your nipples. His tongue swirling around the skin as he sucked it until it pebbled. He then switched to the other. He’d also take a break from your nipples just to leave stray hickeys all over your chest, collarbones, and neck. He loved marking you up. Whilst his mouth continued its assault on your chest, one of his hands slipped into your panties and began to explore your wet folds.

And slowly, Ransom started to make his way down your body, leaving wet kisses on your skin. He kissed right on top of your underwear before slowing pulling the black fabric down your legs. You lifted your hips to assist. Once they were off, you instinctively bent your knees as Ransom pulled them apart and leaned down to give your pussy a broad tongued lick.

You used to be insecure of the stretchmarks on your thighs. When you and Ransom first started having sex, you were afraid he would find them unappealing – that it would turn him off. But your best friend assured you that every part of your body – including the flaws – were beautiful. “Nothing about you could ever turn me off, (Y/N),” a younger Ransom scoffed. The present Ransom, the one who was about to eat you out like a Thanksgiving meal, couldn’t agree more. (He’d often joke and say you ruined other women for him).

You were a moaning mess as Ransom’s fingers pulled your lips open to expose your clit to his tongue. He looked up at you from his position and the sight of you with your eyes closed in a blissful trance alone could’ve made him cum on the spot. His tongue swirled around your button in tiny, circular motions before slipping his tongue into your slickening channel.

“Oh my god,” you moaned. “Ransom, Ransom!” It was music to his ears.

He ate you out slowly, relishing in your taste. Ransom took pride in your reactions. You had one hand clasping the ‘R’ charm around your neck and the other lost in his hair. He smirked into you as he watched you wither in pleasure as he used his fingers to tease your opening. When you began to buck into his face, he used his other hand to hold down your waist, keeping your hips still for his assault.

You clenched around his fingers. “Ransom… I’m close… oh, my god,” you warned. Ransom grunted, taking great pleasure from eating you out. “Don’t stop, don’t stop,” you begged. He pressed two fingers deep inside of you, curling them and stroking your walls. He buried his face deeper into your dripping cunt and stared up as you came. He wished he could have your reactions of video. The sounds you made were porn worthy and he would’ve loved to have his own private collection.

He stroked you as you rode out your high. You were breathless as your eyes slowly fluttered open, staring up onto the ceiling. “You with me?” Ransom smirked as he stripped his underwear and stroked his hard cock. You nodded. You reached out for him and he gladly leaned down to let you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders.

“I want you to fuck me until I’m stupid,” you whispered. “Only thing I wanna remember is your name.”

Ransom almost frowned. Your parents must’ve really done a number on you this time. In the years that this arrangement had been established, Ransom would – 9 times out of 10 – be the one to initiate the stress relieving sex. But he was more than happy to oblige.

“Your wish is my command, baby,” he muttered, nipping at the skin of your neck before pushing into you.

In one hard thrust, he pushed his entire length into you. You winced when you felt him brush against your cervix. His thrusts were sharp and hard. You’ve had enough sex with each other to know the various spots that made one another tick. Ransom was eager to give you another orgasm – he got off on it.

The shifts of his hips were deliberate, bringing your legs up to drape over his shoulders. He hit spots deep inside of you that you never knew existed before you had sex with him. Your hands were searching for something to hold, something to occupy themselves with. Ransom leaned over, folding you in half, as he took your hands in his, interlacing your fingers while he pounded into you.

You gushed around his thick cock, another orgasm being pulled from you unexpectedly. You moaned his name over and over. “Yeah, baby? Only I make you feel like this, huh?” he grunted. “You take my dick so well. Only you do that, baby.”

You moaned in response, no tangible sentences could even form. His name was the only thing you could say. Your brain effectively melting as you requested.

“I’m gonna make you cum over and over for me.”

He made good on that promise. You lost count of how many times Ransom had made you cum. You had no idea where he got the stamina. But he fucked you through orgasm after orgasm. You fell apart so many times only for him to put you back together.

The obscene sounds that came from your heated core were accompanied by a symphony of moans and the slapping of skin.

“Ugh,” you moaned after what felt like your 6th orgasm of the night. “I love you, Ransom,” you moaned out, and it was the truth. In your fucked-out state, you confessed the three words that you both were too afraid to tell each other. But Ransom smiled, his thrusts becoming less rhythmic. He was about to cum.

He leaned down and captured your lips, groaning into you as he found his release inside of you. The warm feeling spreading throughout your body as you kissed back. Your lips melting into each other, eager and hungry. It was years in the making.

Ransom pulled away first and pulled out of you. You winced and whimpered upon feeling the emptiness. Your mixed fluids slowly trickled out of you and onto the bed, but neither of you minded. You were both too tired.

Ransom slumped beside and you naturally snuggled into his side. By this time Ransom would’ve offered to help clean you, knowing your legs would be like jelly, he’d walk you to the bathroom. But he wanted to enjoy your shared afterglow as he pulled you over his body so that you were resting on his chest. Both of you were panting, lungs trying to pace themselves.

You slowly began to feel the fear settle in.

Ransom was your best friend. The one constant thing in your life. The only stability you had. Your place of comfort. And you’ve ruined it. You said it. The three words. The feeling that’s been building up for years. You scolded yourself for saying it so recklessly.

You’ve done it. You’ve toppled your tower again. Your fingers played with the ‘R’ charm on your necklace again. A nervous habit it seemed.

“I love you, (Y/N),” he whispered in the darkness. He kissed the top of your head as he wrapped his arms tighter around you.

And then a feeling of ease settled upon you. A smile on your face as you realized the tower didn’t fall… not yet. But even if it did, Ransom would be there to help you rebuild. You weren’t alone.

[suhyla]

assalamualaikoom sisters.

can you help me find the answer to my confusion. Lately I’ve been read Aali-‘Imraan verse 38 which imo is that we must surrender to Allah even in forced conditions. What I'm confused about is does this mean that Islam is the most appropriate religion for all people, not just Muslims? And if I may ask you personally, why are you so proud and grateful to be a Muslim than a follower of another religion?

Thankyou sister, may Allah have mercy on you and guide me through your answer

Wa alaykum as salam sister,

Islam is the perfect religion, because it came from the One who created us all and to whom we will return.

Allah created all of humanity, so of course Islam is a message to all of mankind - not just Muslims.

If you think about it - the biggest reality that faces us as humans is this: we are in this world somehow, and some day we will be gone. It is this reality that forces many people to sit and wonder - well, why am I here anyway? How am I here? Where did I come from?

The nature of this world is that everything has a beginning point and an end point. So assuming that there was once "nothing" and suddenly, the world as we know it all came to be, it only makes sense that some entity outside of this world is what set everything in motion. An outside force acted, and because of that action, the world came to be.

Such a being had to be 2 things: All Knowing (He had to know what He was doing to craft such a complex and delicate world) All Powerful (He had to be powerful to craft such a huge, expansive universe).

Allah, the Creator, is the only God that could possibly have created this universe. Allah has no partners. If He did, He wouldn't be all powerful. And any religion that claims there are dark forces that "God" overcame or anything like that makes no sense. By definition, God must be a Being with power over all, and subject to none.

That is Allah. One God. He cannot have a partner. And with perfect knowledge and power, such that the world cannot function without Him.

There is no other god possible. Some believe in Jesus as god. If we think about it logically, how could a god be mortal? How could a god die? How could a god be born - so who was in control of the world before that god came into existence?

Some believe in polytheistic gods- a god of the sun, of life, or victory, etc. Then none of these gods by definition is all powerful or all knowing. They just have "specialties" and some degree of power, but never Total power. That's a weakness, and God cannot be weak. How could a god create the universe and then be weaker than something? How could a god be vulnerable to something? What makes such a god different from man? Could such a god even protect us truly from everything?

Ibrahim, our father and the father of all monotheistic religions, pondered over this question and the conclusion he reached was - God must be the One who created me and the whole world.

The creator is who I will worship.

That Creator is Allah.

Now - okay so we exist. We have a beginning point and our lives have an end point? Now what? What do we do in between?

Naturally, because Islam came from the One who created this life as we know it, it contains the guidelines for us to live our best lives. It tells us what we can and can't do, and most often, these guidelines are in place to protect us. Because the One who created us knows us inside and out. He knows our weaknesses.

To follow Islam means you believe in the guidelines that the Creator put in place. It literally means Submission. And in following these guidelines, we're acknowledging God is All Powerful (He created us, and everything around us, and has power over all things) and All Knowing (because He is the one who created everything, He has perfect knowledge of everything).

For example, He created us with a need for social coexistence. We're social creatures. So Islam advises humanity to be good to others, to share, to be curious about other cultures and learn from them and see them as evidence of Allah's creation. We're encouraged to be patient with people, rather than to secluded ourselves (even if we're secluding ourselves to worship Allah). Such curiosity and desire for cooperation is what helps humanity thrive. We stayed at home for a year and a half and look how bad it affected our mental health, our ability to cooperate and function. Islam didn't just order us to be good to one another because it's virtuous - we literally need each other. Our brains were wired this way.

Allah created us with the ability to procreate and included in us certain desires. But these desires are hard to resist, so Islam orders us not even to come close to Zina (adultery) and not to follow the footsteps of Shaytan. Allah could have just said "don't commit adultery". But that doesn't work, because as humans, the way many would understand it is - I'm just talking with him/her it's definitely not adultery. We're just holding hands. We're just hugging. Etc. etc. And before you know it, you realize you committed adultery. This damages your mental health and ability to form healthy bonds/trust people/feel safe with others because you're constantly forming bonds with people and then leaving them. It damages society because now people can act on their desires without committing. It's a relationship born purely out of our basic instincts, not any thought, love, or obligation toward each other. And of course, there's multiple implications of this on families and society in general. So Allah warns you from the beginning because He knows how we are. He said don't even come close to it, because our minds will constantly normalize step after step until we fall into it and it affects our mental and emotional health, our ability to form families, and the basis of society.

Islam has everything we need to live our lives because it comes from the Creator. Every single thing I've been told to do as a Muslim, I can do confidently knowing Allah told me to do this for a reason - because He knows me better than I know me.

And unlike other religions, Allah is the Most Powerful and All Knowing - but He is also the Most Kind. He is the Best Friend. We don't need to talk to a sheikh and ask him to pray for us. We don't need someone to ask forgiveness for us. We can talk to Allah directly, with no intermediary. He is closer to us than our jugular veins.

That is why I can confidently be Muslim and know without a doubt that this is the Truth that will allow me to live my best life, and to succeed in the world beyond this one.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XCIV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

And you are not here... (Part. II)

(13x02/13x03)

Hello dears! We are here again, witnessing Dean's mourning for Castiel, and we are suckers for that.

I will try to convey in this meta two episodes, so let's see what happens!

The rejection

At the beginning of the episode, we had Sam and Dean talking about Jack. Dean keeps rejecting the kid because he put on him the weight of loosing Castiel.

They find a motel, and Dean plays the tv, and there's Scooby, and for a brief moment we saw him smiling. Then Dean gives Jack the Bible, and the kid opens it in the Book of Song of Solomon, which is from the Old Testament, and it talks plenty about a two lovers that try to find a way to be together. So the poems describe their passionate and beautiful love for each other, their sadness and their difficulties. Is narrated romantically poetic of that time.

This is very meaningful because the book could be symbolizing Castiel and Dean, trying to be reunited. And the kid is the one who will help to do that. Two lovers that were separated by death but also, who had lived a lot of difficulties together.

Also this quote from Asmodeus:

ASMODEUS: The pain, the, uh, the total humiliation… it forged an eternal bond between us.

Is just a little taste of a dark parallel to Destiel. Is a dark, toxic bond, forged by pain and humiliation, all the opposite of Destiel bond. And we are witnessing this quote because is in the next episode the one Jack will wake up CAS through Dean's mourning. The power of their bond forged by love. The lovers will be finally reunited again.

This scene is when Jack shows Dean is his role model... But also, let's check out the colors...

Go f credit @deansplushy

The room is blue (Castiel) and the kid is imitating Dean, Dean knows it and looks very done with it.

But the whole room is painted in Blue, as if Castiel were in Jack and Dean's mind the whole time.

Then, this foreshadow...

DONATELLO: Sam? Dean? Is God with you?

Donnie was certainly sensing the new God, but also these words...

DONATELLO: (...) So… a few days ago, I’m online, checking out condos in Boca, and I am knocked off my feet by this weird wave of power. Not exactly like God’s. More like… something new, something fresh. I was drawn to it. It’s here.

Something new, something fresh, that's a good description for a new God that just had bey born. Donnie knew it the whole way long.

After this they decided to brought Jack to tattooed the sigil... And this very symbolic dialogue happened between Jack and Dean:

JACK It hurt.

Gif set credit @demondetox

This is the description of grief. So, if Dean was trying to give himself a message and to push the kid into that idea, Jack took it well. He knows he has to endure it. Even if Jack is talking about physical pain, or emotional pain, it fits perfectly with the lesson is floating around loosing Castiel.

Another discussion about Jack happens and this time Dean explodes into hurtful words, and Jack flies away.

The scene in which Sam is talking with him is very beautiful, but also, the colors caught my attention again...

Gif credit @deansplushy

Again, the color blue behind Sam and Jack, is another reminder of Cas. We also have the green (Dean) behind Sam, and Sam is talking about him. Is a very nice played scene, because Dean is to Sam what Cas is to Jack here "a father" but the good one. And Sam trying to explain why Dean acts like this...

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

JACK: Maybe I’m not worth all this.

SAM: Your mom thought you were. So did Cas. So do I.

Sam is mentioning one of Dean's inner issues: THE BIG PROTECTOR, as a raised first born, and as a obedient soldier, Dean is trying to fulfill the order his father gave him the night their house were burning and Mary died. John Winchester gave Sam to Dean, and asked him to take care of him, so, the GUILT HERITAGE as I spoke so many times, is playing rudely in Dean right now. He wants to fulfill that mission, because his father asked him to. This is the toxicity in Dean's personality. In harmony with the quote that is said in this same episode: the sons that try to please their fathers.

The Anger and the Patience

When the episode starts, we are immerse into a psychic house, in the window we can see an eye, as a representation of psychic but also, the eye in the triangle represents God. And we all know Chuck is about to come in season 14.

We can distinguish too a book: 'The knowledge of ourselves" in Dede's house. Is an interesting reference to what I about to come: the whole season 14 will be a self-knowledge path Dean will take based on his experience of being faced with himself in the possesion. As I described in my metas, the experience of the possesion is similar to being in Purgatory for Dean: all his human necesites will be gone, and the purity in his heart will be exposed: What do you want?

When Dede is in front of the spectrum, she can see his true form, just like we will see through Anael's eyes, AUMichael's true form.

Let's jump onto Jack's scene watching a video Kelly left him. The mother's message is very pivotal in Jack's life.

KELLY: Hi Jack, it’s uh… I’m your mom. I guess I should tell you, um, I always wanted to be a mom. I’d play with dolls. I was that kind of girl and daydream about my baby.

Kelly is certifying here he wanted to have Jack, Jack was loved. Not rejected, but loved. Kelly says I WANTED TO BE YOUR MOM.

KELLY: Jack, don’t let anyone tell you who you’re supposed to be. Because who you’re supposed to be isn’t fate, it isn’t me, it isn’t your father. You are who you choose to be. And I know you’re going to okay. You are going to be amazing. You have an angel watching over you.

'It isn't me (not human) it isn't your father (not an angel)' is the perfect description of Jack, because he is gonna be the New God. And the last quote is a recall of Mary saying the same to Dean, when she was pregnant. And, emotionally linked to episode 15x18, in which Case says 'I got you' to Jack and then to Dean.

Dean keeps rejecting Jack, calling him a monster, is a blatant self punishment facing the huge guilt he carries in his heart after losing Castiel.

An important scene happens between Missouri and Dean. She, as a psychic, can sense Dean's mourning and depression.

MISSOURI: Oh honey, I’m sorry for your losses.

Dean looks surprised to these words, all the pain he was trying to hide, mostly in front of Jody and her, it shows.

Another self reflection in the mirror of the spectrum foreshadowing Dean staring at the mirror, possesed by Michael.

The conversation between Sam and Jack shows how Jack feels himself as a monster, also he has GUILT, we are witnessing here the GUILT HERITAGE from Dean to Jack, just like John did with him.

Also, Sam see himself in Jack, through his experience with the darkness in the past.

A parallel with Kelly's messages is reflected on Missouri goodbye words to her granddaughter Patience in the cemetery.

MISSOURI: I promise, no matter what happens, no matter where I go, I will always look out for you. You hear?

The words are different but the feelings are the same. Mostly because Sam was reading a book about how to help gifted kids, and this episode talks about two gifted kids: Jack and Patience. The two of them trying to control their powers. But Jack is encouraged to do that and Patience is not allowed to do it by his father.

A little bit interesting point we have in the spectrum WRAITH feeding by psychic's brain, is a continuity with AUMichael living inside of Dean.

When everything ends, Dean has some words with Patience that caught Jody's attention...

PATIENCE: I talked to my dad. He thinks I should put it away. Dad says we should just get back to normal. Maybe he’s right.

DEAN: He is. This life, hunting, monsters, there’s no joy in it. There’s nothing but pain, horror and death. So if you get a chance at normal, you take it.

Dean speaks directly from his broken heart, he had just lost CAS, so he lost everything. There's not meaning in keep living for him. He had seen the death that being a hunter brings. So, he had changed. Everything is sadness, grey and dark for Dean. There's no hopes, no light.

But Jody will speak again, just like Kelly did with Jack, using similar words for Patience:

JODY: Patience, wait. I may be out of line here but you don’t have to listen to him. To either of them if it’s not what you really want.

Not me, not him, Patience need to find herself, just like Jack. Just like the book prayed at the beginning of the episode.

Okay, we are going to focus now in theast scene, so so important!

When Sam sees Dean is back, they started talking about Jack again...

SAM: How was it? Uh, Jody told me about Missouri.

DEAN: Yeah, just another day at the office. How’s the kid? He go dark side yet?

Dean talks about Missouri here with apathy, emotionlessly. This is part of his depression. Then, Sam confronts him.

SAM: No, Dean. He’s messed up because of you. Dean, you said you’d kill him.

DEAN: It wasn’t exactly like that.

SAM: Then how exactly was it?

DEAN: I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak but I know how this ends and it ends bad.

SAM: I didn’t.

DEAN: What?

SAM: I didn’t ‘end bad’. When I was the freak, when I was drinking demon blood.

Sam sees himself in Jack in the good way, with hopes, but Dean sees himself in Jack as something that needs to be killed...

DEAN: Come on man, that’s totally different.

SAM: Was it? Because you could’ve put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn’t! You saved me! So help me save him!

DEAN: You deserved to be saved, he doesn’t!

SAM: Yes he does, Dean, of course he does!

I will stop here, Dean reflecting himself in Jack is blatant here: HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE SAVED. Is the self knowledge of his inner GUILT and MONSTER. Dean sees himself as a monster that doesn't deserve to be saved.

DEAN: Look, I know you think that you can use him as some sort of an interdimensional can-opener and that’s fine, but don’t act like you care about him! Because you only care about what he can do for you! So if you want to pretend, that’s fine! But me? I can hardly look at the kid! Because when I do all I see is everybody we’ve lost!

(Gif credit @foxthefanboi )

Here, my mind went immediately at the scene from previous episode, because Jack behaves so like CAS, and Dean can see it. The pain in Dean's face is getting louder and louder, his eyes, the way he is talking, with cathartic anger will reach the high point when he starts mention the most important person he lost in his life... Castiel. All his pain and anger are because Castiel is gone.

SAM: Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer. That is not on Jack!

But is not about mom...

DEAN: And what about Cas?

SAM: What about Cas?

Now, the pain and the anger are released in front of his brother. And Sam just confirms and faces it in silence.

DEAN: He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!

(gif set credit @shirtlesssammy )

Sam is silent, he takes every drop of anger and pain from his brother, the very cause of Dean's grief is revealed to him. Dean is mourning Castiel. Dean can't forget CAS is dead. Dean can't forgive Jack, himself , for that. That's why. That's the truth. That's why Sam keeps silent.

But the kid is listening...

The grief and the longing is so huge, Jack is able to reach Castiel in the Empty through it. Just like Amara reached Dean through Castiel.

(Gif set credit @shirtlesssammy)

To Conclude:

These two episode showed us how Dean reflects himself in Jack.The guilt and the pain, together with the anger is so huge in Dean's heart, he can't barely hide it.

Sam is the one keeping the flag up for hopes, but Dean had lost everything.

The profound bond is important again now, because is the way Jack reacher CAS in the Empty and wake him up.

Hope you like this meta, see you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

If you wanna read my previous meta from season 13 go to this link.

Buenos Aires, December 27th 2020, 12:45 PM

[talesofphantombandits]

Zero to Six ~ An Unexpected Visitor - Edited version. Part 2.

Characters: Four X Zero (OC)  Summary: Zero was the first person to be ‘saved’ by One, she was his first honorary Ghost. Her knowledge in tech meant she got the role of ‘Hacker’ she recruited new team members, looked for missions and locations and made sure every security measure was looked at. You know normal hacker spy stuff. But her tough up bringing meant that if needs be she could fight, she was maybe even better than some people on the team knew. But due to One’s protectiveness over her she had to stay hidden, she was more of an actual ghost than the rest of the team was. This didn’t mean she couldn’t have her fun though, over the months of being with the full team she had formed quite a passionate love/ hate relationship with the handsome Four. Who knows what sparks would fly if they were ever to meet.  Warnings: Slight swearing, some suggestive flirting in later chapters.

Tagg list: (I know this is a edit of my original story but if anyone wants to be tagged let me know.) @raylan-c​​

Zero to Six ~ Part 1. Edited Version Zero to Six ~ Part 3. Edited Version. Masterlist.  

“Hey, anyone there?” 

To say Zero was a mess would have been a big understatement. After she had shut off the coms she must have sobbed for a good thirty minutes before she picked herself up from the floor and decided that a glass of rum would help calm her nerves.  She knew that One would take his sweet time reaching out to her again, and wouldn’t let the others contact her either. So she waited, he mind was reeling but she knew technically Six’s death wasn’t her fault. She still felt to a degree that if she hadn’t of picked him he would still be breathing somewhere, maybe with the love of his life on a nice sandy beach.  But then again if she hadn’t of picked him she would have had to pick someone else, and that someone else would have been in that car dead instead of Six. 

So when Fours voice travelled through her speakers she immediately shot up from the floor, leaving her half filled glass where it sat and tripped her way over to the laptop.  Picking up her headset she tried not to sound so distraught. “Four, never thought i’d be so happy to hear your whinny little voice.” She tried to sound lighthearted but failed miserably. 

She could tell that he was also trying to mask how much he was hurting. “How are you Zero?” She was shocked, out of all the team Four and Six seemed to have bonded the most, probably due to their similar ages and interests. 

“How- how am I? Four, how are you doing? Out of us all you were the closest to Six.” She wanted to do nothing more than hug this man right now. 

“One just threw him into the sea, like he meant nothing. I really don’t want to talk about it right now Zero or I might just go out there and strangle One. But I wanted to at least make sure that you were okay.” Her heart started to beat so fast she thought it would beat right out of chest. He was worried about her in a time when he should have been worrying about himself. 

“I’m sure that’s not how it was, One cares about us deeply. But I’ll respect your wishes and we won’t speak about it, but I’ll be here when you’re ready to so. As for me, I’m fine. Shaken up but fine, You don’t have to worry about me Four.” 

“I know sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, but I do really care for you Zero. So do the rest of the team, but you tell any of them I said that and I’ll find out where One keeps you and murder you in your sleep.” 

She chuckled at the empty threat. “Yeah, good luck with that one. One would never give up my location willing or not. Plus what makes you think I’d succumb so easily with out a fight.” 

She heard the deep chuckle and knew some smart ass comment would follow it. “Believe me darling, from the moment I step through your door you’d be falling at my feet.” 

“OKAY as much as I’m glad to have the old cocky Four back, I’m cutting you off now. Get some sleep you idiot.” 

“Okay mummy.” He said in a mocking tone. 

She couldn’t help it and decided she would have the last laugh. “Is that one of your kinks Four?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Maybe we can carry on this conversation when we meet.” She knew he was smirking. “Night Zero, dream of me. I know I’ll be dreaming of you.” 

She couldn’t say another word so she just shut down coms and slammed her laptop shut. “Stupid little shit,” Why did he make her feel like this, especially when he wasn’t here to do anything about it. 

She leaned back on her chair, stretching out her arms over her head her back clicked in several places which made it feel so much better. She needed to put a reminder on her fridge to do a work out tomorrow, she was starting to become so stiff sat at her computer all the time.  There were parts of her that really yearned to be out in the field with the rest of the team, even if it was only a one time experience, who knows she might hate it and want to come back to her stuffy flat life. Who was she kidding, she wanted adventure and a little bit of risk here and there and she wanted her family.  She would however have to have a little conversation with One about the safety of the team and about treating them better. Her heart had broken hearing how fragile Four could be. They might have been ghosts but underneath they were still human beings with feelings, and if One was going to crush that then she had a problem with it.  

Maybe that was why she was so interested in Four? 2 years with only One as her only physical human contact and it was starting to take a toll on her, Four challenged her every time they spoke. And she loved a good challenge. She sat at her desk for two more hours, despite scolding herself for sitting too long that her bones began to ache. But she had research to do which consisted of finding a new team member and the faster she got it done the faster she could send it off to One and she could stop beating herself up about potentially bringing in a new person just for them to die like Six did. After a while she decided that she couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer. She sent the research to One, saved all the documents then shut her laptop down and proceeded to walk to the bathroom to take a nice long hot shower. 

The warm water calmed her immensely, when she stepped out and put on her silk pyjamas she felt even more sleepy then she did when she was in front of the laptop. As soon as her head hit the pillow she drifted off to sleep. 

.........

She shot up in bed, heart racing.

The loud banging coming from the front door was real, she hadn’t just dreamt it. She suddenly thought of Four’s threat from earlier but quickly shook it from her head. Don’t be stupid, It can’t be Four. Her eyes snapped to her bedside table to see 3am blaring on the digital clock. “What the actual hell, who decides to go bang on someone’s door at stupid o’clock in the morning?!” 

She grabbed her gun from under her pillow, pointing it out in front of her, she was in full on attack mode. She exited her room and headed down the hall and towards the front door, all the while sticking to the walls.  She waited a while, gun pointing towards the centre of the door maybe whoever had knocked got the wrong flat and moved on. But then just as she started to lower the gun the door rattled and the knocking began again, only louder this time.

“Zero! open up its One.” 

Zero cocked her head to the side, was he actually serious?  She carefully walked towards the door, gun still raised. Peeking through the peephole she confirmed that it was in fact One at her door. She sighed rubbing her tired eyes but opened the door just wide enough so he could slip in. 

“Hey!” He made himself at home straightaway, walking past her to go sit on her couch.

She shut the door making sure it was locked, she then made her way to stand in front of him but not before setting down the gun on the coffee table. “Don’t ‘Hey!’ me you dumb ass, what the hell are you doing here?!” 

“Nice gun! is that new?” He leaned forward and inspected the weapon. 

Was he being serious right now? “ONE!” He’d woke her up just to come and annoy her? “I asked you a question.” 

“I came to give you your plane ticket.” He stood up slightly and pulled a ticket out of his back pocket, he extended his arm out to Zero. 

She took it off of him and examined it, it was a ticket back home. Home was also where their base camp was.  “You never come to give me my plane ticket in person, what’s really going on? Is this about Six?” 

He just rubbed his face in frustration, the first real emotion she’d seen from him since he’d entered her living space. “Can you at least get me a drink before we discuss this?” 

She just sighed and looked towards her kitchen. “I only have rum.” 

“Then we shall have rum!” She just rolled her eyes but continued through to the little kitchen. If she was going to stay awake through this she might as well poor herself a small glass as well. 

She handed him the glass and then settled herself in the seat across from him. “So, talk.” 

She took a sip of her drink but very nearly spit it out when he spoke. “I want you in the field for the next mission.” 

A thousand thoughts crashed through her mind all at once, that she found it hard to focus on One as he continued to speak. She was going to get her adventure, she was going to get to show the whole team that she wasn’t just some computer nerd, she was going to be able to breath the same air as Four, she was going to be meeting her family. 

“Zero! Did you hear me?” She looked to One who had leaned forward in his chair. 

“What?” 

“God I hope you weren’t dreaming up the perfect scenario of finally meeting Four.” 

She was still in shock but managed to ask. “Did you just say that I’m finally going out in the field?” 

“Just the once, with Six gone we need all the help we can get in the next mission and you are my best eyes and ears.” He looked so calm just sat there sipping from his glass when she was sat opposite him freaking out. “You will keep your identity a secret though, none of the team is to know that you’re there.” 

Just like that One had given her, her deepest wish and then crushed it right in front of her. “How will that work? They will know the sound of my voice anywhere.” 

“Not if you put on a accent.” This was cruel, even by One’s standards. “Listen it’s for the best that you don’t interact with any of them. You’re lucky that you have full anonymity.” 

“What if I don’t want that? What if I actually want to meet the only family I’ve ever had? I don’t get why you lock me away from them.”  

“It’s for your own safety, you’ll thank me one day. Look at what happened to Six, do you want to end up like that?” 

She was seething now. “You really hurt them today you know, Four got in touch with me. He wanted to see if I was okay after what happened to Six.” She had to pause to stop herself before her voice broke.

“I know you want us all to work as a team but some how distance ourselves from one another. We all maybe faked our deaths but were still human One, it’s human nature to care deeply for those that are closest to us.” The tears were welling up in her eyes now. “You just tossed him off the side of that boat like he was nothing. Is that what you’re going to do to the rest of us?” 

He just stared at her for a long second then necked his drink and slammed the glass down on the table next to where the gun still laid. She didn’t even flinch, instead she stared him down. 

“I think it’s time for me to go.” She just scoffed and looked down at her hands that were placed in her lap, she couldn’t look him in the eyes anymore. “I looked through your research before I came here.” 

He got up from the couch but didn’t make any move to the door. “I think Blaine is the perfect fit for number Seven. As soon as I land on home turf I’m going to recruit him and introduce him to the team. In a months time I’ll contact you with a meeting place to discuss your field work.” 

“Great, another person I picked for you that you’re going to rip from their family and make their life hell.” He didn’t say another word and she didn’t look up from her lap. 

All she heard was his footsteps walking towards the door, it swinging open and then slamming shut again. Once she was completely certain he had gone her head fell in her hands.  She rubbed her face and felt a sweeping wave of sleepiness draw over her, she stood up and picked up the gun that was still on the coffee table. She made her way to the door to lock it properly, she then made her way back to bed and placed the gun back under her pillow. She hoped that just as before the tiredness would over take her and she would fall into an effortless slumber, but as she laid her head gently on the pillow and closed her eyes all she could see was Six’s lifeless body and all she could think about was how she’d put him there. 

No way was she getting back to sleep.  

[bonjour-rainycity]

The Long Way Around ~ Chapter 6

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623283543296049154/the-long-way-around-chapter-5

Pairing: Jasper x Reader

Word count: 1954

Warnings: None

Jasper’s POV

I sigh, trying to concentrate on the papers before me. Once Y/n came into our lives, I had decided to halt my studies at school. She arrived during the summer so it wasn’t like anyone would notice my sudden, and perhaps suspicious, disappearance from class, but my family agreed that we could really only afford for one or two of us to deviate from our cover story. So once classes resumed in the fall, all but I continued attendance at the local university. Once she found out, Y/n had lamented at my loss of education and insisted I continue studying at least something of interest. She didn’t seem to understand how little a year or two out of school would affect me, given how many times I’ve gone through both high school and varying post-graduate degrees. But still, the gesture was kind so I agreed and have sent spent a few hours every day since that conversation brushing up on my world history. Right now I’m camped in the basement where we keep our extensive library (excluding the volumes found in Carlisle’s office and our individual rooms) digging through first-hand accounts of Otto von Bismarck’s rise to influence. It’s interesting enough, but still, my attention is elsewhere. At least half of my focus is upstairs, carefully monitoring Y/n’s moods. She’s become much more even as time passes, but still, not keeping tabs on her makes me nervous. Newborns are so unpredictable and so reliant on their emotions that at any moment, she could react badly and cause herself or someone else harm. It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s just that I know how this goes. And I would hate myself if anything happened to my family or Y/n, especially if I could have done something to prevent it.

She’s been struggling recently with missing her family and friends, and that’s always difficult. For most of us, we had been immediately taken away from our loved ones plus had been changed during a time when news recordings and social media didn’t exist. Y/n does not have that luxury. At least once a week, she’ll find some news source with reports from her parents or come across a social media page of one of her friends. It breaks her heart. Secretly, I had gone to Carlisle and discussed the benefits of moving. It only adds to Y/n’s pain being only a handful of miles from the people she loves, and perhaps moving away would aid in her healing. But Carlisle shot the idea down, citing our advantageous location and the dangers of moving cross-country with a volatile newborn. So, instead, I sought to distract her. One of the reasons she felt bad about stopping my schooling is because her own had been paused suddenly due to her untimely death. So, I loaned her a few of my old textbooks, which she has been studying relentlessly. Carlisle also offered his services, and it’s not uncommon to find Y/n perched in one of the chairs in his office grilling him about everything under the medical sun. All in all, she’s adjusting well. Still, I worry. At the drop of a dime, her control could slip or her emotions could get the best of her. That’s why, when I feel her switch from a relaxed, curious state to one of annoyance, I take notice, and listen.

“You really need to let your human life go, Y/n. At this point, you’re only dragging out your own pain. There’s nothing you can do about it anyway. That life is as lost to you as your soul.”

Now I feel annoyance at my brother’s predictable morose attitude. Even to this day, Edward grapples with losing humanity and, according to him, his soul, and often pushes those feelings onto others. As far as I can tell, Y/n doesn’t believe vampirism has damned her, and I would like to keep Edward from putting those thoughts in her head. They simply aren’t true.

Y/n responds with a biting tone. “They’re my loved ones, Edward, not yours. Please don’t tell me how to deal with losing them. If you don’t like my thoughts, stay out of my head.”

Rosalie chimes in, always interested in fighting with Edward. “Really, Edward, back off. You’re the one who helped Bella keep her precious humans in our life and risked our exposure, so you’ve no room to talk here.” It was the wrong thing to say. Y/n’s anger flares.

“Hypocrite! That is such a double standard!”

I feel Edward’s anger increase too, and I know they’re filling a keg with powder and readying their matches. I hurry upstairs.

“It’s different. Bella was going through a lot and-”

“And I’m not?” Y/n’s incredulity is plain.

Rosalie scoffs.“What precious Bella wants, she gets. The rest of us are expected to live by a different set of rules.”

“Okay guys, let’s take this down a notch.” Emmett intervenes as I get to the top of the stairs.

“I agree.”

Y/n’s eyes flicker to mine, and I register her guilt. Why?

Whatever’s in her mind causes Edward to scoff. “You’re not bothering him with your emotions, he lives for this stuff. It makes him feel like he has some kind of purpose.”

“You are so pessimistic,” Y/n groans, putting her head in her hands. “Whatever. I am not doing this anymore. I’m going for a walk. Jasper?”

Immediately, I’m at her side, not even needing to think about joining her. It’s just natural, at this point, to be with her.

She smiles tightly as we walk out the back door, and I can tell she’s trying to calm herself down. “Sorry I interrupted your studying.”

I shrug, honestly not bothered at all. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nice to get outside….The leaves are just starting to change.”

Now, her smile becomes much more natural. “Aren’t they gorgeous? It’s even better now that I can see them with these new eyes. And I can hear the crunch when I step on them and the smell of fall is just,” she sighs, a dreamy look in her eye. But then I feel the sadness creep back in.

I’m hesitant to ask, not wanting to upset her further. “Are you alright?”

She bites the inside of her cheek and looks away. When she finally speaks again, her voice is unsteady. “I just really, really miss my family. It’s hard to leave them and come to terms with…what I am. And of course I’m so grateful that I have all of you,—well,” she chuckles darkly, “today I could do without Edward but that’s beside the point.” She trails off, lost in her thoughts.

I look into the horizon, enjoying the light of the setting sun but regretting the added sadness she’s suffered on behalf of my brother. “I’m sorry he upset you. I can talk to him tomorrow-”

“Oh, that’s alright,” she waves a hand, smiling softly. “Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with your siblings? Argue?”

I chuckle, nodding. We certainly do argue.

She turns to face me then, stopping her walking. “Thank you though.”

The sunlight filters through the trees, hitting our skin and illuminating us. She gasps softly, and I sense her wonderment. She’s seen what the sun does to our skin many times, but it never ceases to amaze her. It’s really sweet. Slowly, she reaches up and lightly trails her fingers over the side of my face where the sun hits. I freeze, not wanting to make any movement that would cause her to stop. I enjoy her touch much more than I would like to admit. It feels so nice to be handled so softly, compared to the harshness I’d become accustomed to in my past. I close my eyes.

“Beautiful,” she breathes, letting her hand fall.

I smile, enjoying this moment. “It is one of the more mesmerizing attributes of this life.”

Now, I feel her playfulness. “You know what else is great? The speed.”

My mood soon matches hers. “Wanna race?”

She frowns, turning in the direction of the house. “Oh, no I think we should-”

And then she’s off, laughing wildly. I shake my head, realizing I’ve just been tricked and, with a laugh of my own, take off at a sprint after her.

{***}

“Jasper,” she starts, sitting down on the rock next to me. “Where are all the other vampires?”

“All over, really, though most tend to avoid especially sunny cities.” I shake water from the river off my hands. A few seconds prior, I’d reached in to grab some pebbles to skip. “We’re the largest coven in the area. Anyone else around here is likely a loner or part of a nomad coven.”

She pauses, thinking. “Doesn’t anyone ever come to visit?”

“Very rarely, and Alice can sometimes give us some warning, though not always. But the nomads that visit usually leave very quickly. We don’t allow them to hunt in this area, as it could raise suspicion and cause problems for us. That tends to make extended stays unappealing.”

“Well, what about friends?”

I smirk. “Vampires don’t really have friends.”

This confuses her. “Then what are you and your family? You’re certainly not just acquaintances.”

I smile, thinking of the best way to explain the complicated relationships between vampires. “Let me rephrase: most vampires don’t have friends. Carlisle theorizes that, because we don’t drink human blood, we’re less animalistic, a little less reliant on our instincts. Instincts that, under normal circumstances, would keep us from forming bonds because other vampires generally pose a threat to getting a meal.” She nods, understanding. “Because we are slightly more, human, for a lack of a better word, we do enjoy friendships and closer relationships, like I have with my adopted siblings. Realistically, though, that’s not how it works at all. For normal vampires, the only type of close relationship they experience is between mates. Those relationships last forever though, so I guess it’s enough to satisfy the need for connection.”

Y/n raises her eyebrows, disbelieving. “You’re telling me immortal vampires are monogamous for life?”

I chuckle. “Apparently, once you find the right one it’s just natural. I’ve seen it happen, felt the feelings they feel. It’s intense.”

She considers this, but says nothing further. Until, “have you ever felt that way?”

Subconsciously, I study the scars on my hands. “I thought I did.”

“With Maria,” she guesses. Y/n knows most of my history, so it’s no surprise that she’s able to put the pieces together of my involvement with Maria. Strangely, I find myself wishing that I could say no, that I’ve never been with with anyone like that. Or, at least, that I’d never been involved with Maria like that.

“Have you,” I counter to distract from my sudden regret.

She shakes her head, a soft smile playing on her lips. “My human memories are fading by the day, but I’m pretty sure the answer is no. My twenty years of life were nothing to write home about.”

Now it’s my turn to smile, somewhat ruefully. “You’ve got millennia ahead of you. I’m sure at least something notable will occur.”

She chuckles, shrugging. “Perhaps. For now, I should just focus on making it through the rest of this year.”

“We’ll get you through it,” I answer, confident.

She hugs her knees into her chest, feeling peaceful. “I believe you.” Then, her playfulness returns. “But step one should be feeding me, because I’m starving.”

I chuckle, stand, and offer her a hand. She grabs it, allowing me to pull her up. “Lead the way.”

A/n Let me know what you thought of this chapter/the characters and if you would like to be added to the tag list! I hope you all have a good day/night <3

xx, 

Bjr

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623476978292555776/the-long-way-around-chapter-7

Tag list: @puer-de-infinitate @charliestuff @hindustani-diaspora @one-thread-can-save-a-life @salsameter @enchantedcruelsummer @meashy-moo

[ashestoashesjc]

A Necromancer & His Zombie Boyfriend On A Couple's Retreat

Short Story 1/2/(3)/4/5/6/7/8/9/10

"RrRRrrrr... grrr? <Hey, uh, babe... seen my arm anywhere?>" rang Sett's voice throughout their cigar box of a house as he rummaged through closets, opened cabinets, overturned couch cushions. 

Shutting and latching the front door behind him, Ulrick began flipping through the stack of envelopes clutched in his right hand. "Huh? Oh…”

“Okay, so… don’t get mad,” Ulrick began, as meekly and guilt-tinged as one can make a shout. “But... there was this huge, I mean HUGE silverfish…” 

“GRrrr! Rrrrr. <Dude! Not cool,>” could be heard as Sett stomped his way to the foyer. 

“I know! I’m sorry! I’m weak!” moaned Ulrick. 

Sett sighed as he entered the cove and laid his single remaining hand on Ulrick’s left shoulder, the other sleeve draped flaccidly at his side. “Grrrr. <Well, yeah.>” he said. Ulrick snickered. 

“You know, having your boyfriend kill a bug for you is exceedingly normal,” Ulrick said, separating the bills from the letters that weren’t bills. There were very few that weren’t bills. “Almost conventional.” 

“Rrr. <True,>” Sett replied. “Rggrrrr. <Probably while the arm’s still attached, though.>”

“A mere quibble.” 

“Rrrrgrrr? <So, where is it now?>” Sett asked. 

“Ugh. Still getting cozy with the silverfish, I’d imagine,” Ulrick admitted, guilt creeping back into his voice. He covered his eyes with his free hand and shuddered. “In… the shower.”

Sett sucked air through his teeth in a compassion-filled cringe. 

“Yeah,” Ulrick sighed, resigned to his trauma. 

“Grrrr. <Don’t worry,>” said Sett. “Rraarr. <I got it.>” 

Ulrick slid his hand down his face with a grateful groan. “God, I love you.” Sett pulled him forward by his collar and pecked his forehead.

Continuing to sort through the mail, Ulrick came to a red envelope and, seeing it addressed to Sett, handed it over. “Looks important.”

Confusion clouded Sett’s eyes for the first few, slow moments spent undoing the envelope’s seal flap, until suddenly, a surge of realization like lightning drove him to violently tear the crimson paper away.

As he scanned the contents of the letter contained within, words failing to do his emotional state justice, Sett began to fist pump wildly, God help anyone in the flight path of his singular elbow. Ulrick looked on in entranced bewilderment.

“Was there itching powder in that envelope?” asked Ulrick.

Sett shoved the creased letter in Ulrick’s face, his manic energy not yet dissipated. Ulrick took it and held it out at arm’s length until his eyes brought the words into focus. 

“A couple’s retreat?” he wondered aloud, lowering the paper enough to peer over the top at Sett.  

“Grrgrrrr. <An all-expenses paid couple’s retreat.> Rrrrrr. <At a swanky resort.> GrrrrRr. <Complete with water skis.>”

“This is from a contest?” he asked, rotating and inspecting the sheet. “When did we enter a contest?”

“Rrggrrrr? <You know those entry slips we’re getting in the post all the time?>”

“The ones I’m always throwing away? I’m familiar.” 

“RrrRrrrrr ggrrrr. <Well, your aim could use some work, because some of them wind up in the mailbox,>” said Sett, with a shrug.

The sound that next filled the room, colored with exasperated mirth, was one Sett was used to Ulrick making, though one that never stopped bringing a flush of heat to the place where his heart used to be. 

He grabbed Ulrick by the hips and the two began to sway back and forth. “Rrrrrr. <Just imagine it,>” he purred dreamily. “GrrrRRrrrr rrrrRrrr grrr...arrrr? <Massages, rock-climbing, a luau. And… did I mention waterskiing?>”

Swaying still, Ulrick looked up with his head cocked. "I've... never heard you mention waterskiing before."

"GrrRrrrrrr. <I enjoy a lot of things I don't talk about.> Rgrrrrgrrr. <Like country music, or bad chick lit,>" Sett said before twirling and dipping Ulrick in a blur. "Rraarrrr. <I'm a multi-layered zombie.>"

Breaking clumsily away from the songless dance and squeezing the bridge of his nose, Ulrick set down the remainder of the mail on the side table by the entrance and looked his boyfriend over. “It’s totally free?”

“Grrarrr. <It’s totally free,>” confirmed Sett. 

Ulrick raised an eyebrow. “No catch?” 

“Rrr… <Well…>”

-

“And streeetch! That’s right! Streeetch!” 

At the front of Meadow Grove Resort’s famed yoga studio balanced - one foot planted on the ground, the other hooked deftly behind her neck - Chrysanthemum Smith, a remarkably limber 60-year-old instructor, urging her out-of-shape contest winning students to achieve the same feats of flexibility.   

All around Ulrick and Sett, a pretzel factory’s soon-to-be-discarded collection of heinous, gnarly undesirables had been given life in the form of sweaty middle Americans. 

That pretzels went through a less agonizing process being baked at 500 degrees was a fact Ulrick was both confident in and envious of. His legs were angled in a way he was sure he’d feel for weeks to come. 

Sett, on the other hand, had apparently been a contortionist in a past life, the way he bent himself into poses, well, a pretzel would gawk at, holding each position stoically before moving gracefully on to the next. It also helped that he couldn’t feel what would leave most tendons shredded rags.

Ulrick gave up the pursuit of dislocating his pelvis and instead went to poke Sett in the cheek. Through his mask, Sett made a chomping motion at the finger, though remained otherwise totally still. "Okay, but this kind of bites, right?" Ulrick signed. 

"A little. And not in the fun way," Sett signed back.

On a pair of blue, rubber mats to their left were two women - one in a biker's jacket and tattered, patched jeans, short red hair tied into a haphazard ponytail; the other a dark woman donning a shaved head, flower-patterned maxi dress, and combat boots - the former of whom suddenly grabbed Ulrick's attention with a nod. 

"You're telling me," she signed. 

And in an instant, they were no longer alone in the hazy, secluded sphere that made their reality.

So taken aback was he that he blurted aloud, "You sign?" 

The yoga instructor shushed him from her place at the head of the wide room, leading him to duck down sheepishly. With the forced inclusion of an overly casual air, he said more than asked, "You sign."

"Oh, yeah," the woman chuckled gruffly. "Mom's Deaf." 

Taking a sudden interest in the conversation, Sett's head swiveled to the leather jacket-clad woman. "Shit yeah!" he signed with fervor, eliciting a harsh snort from the woman. The instructor's head whipped around to glare her way, but went ignored. 

Sett's hands jumbled for a moment before he continued. "I mean, I'm sure that must have been very difficult for your family and--"

She gave a dismissive wave of the hand. "Nah, don't worry about it. She's capital 'D' Deaf. A congenital thing. Whole family's been signing forever."

Her wife - Jen, they later learned - chimed in with, "Di does it at home, too. She's taught me half the lyrics to Boys for Pele." 

"Wow!" Ulrick said with teeth-clenching enthusiasm. "That's so great! Isn't that so great, Sett?"

The mask did nothing to conceal Sett's raised, beaming features. "That's so great!" he signed. 

"I'm sorry!" bellowed the lithe yogi, shattering all delusions of serenity. "Am I boring you?" 

Several overlapping voices came to the general consensus of "Christ, yes."

One of the husbands, portly and somewhat resembling the famously affable capybara, asked, somewhat less affably, why they were being stretched into taffy when they should be outside taking one-on-one lessons with the beach volleyball instructor. He was joined by a few surly “yeah!”s. 

They were met with an unimpressed crossing of the arms. Though it should be noted Smith’s foot was still being held comfortably behind her head. 

"I would suggest, in the future, that you more closely scrutinize contest entries," Yogi Smith advised in as calm a manner as it seemed she could now manage, though with an unmistakable edge to her voice. "In order to partake in our facility’s more... physically involved activities, you’ll first need to align and cleanse your mental, emotional, and spiritual energies.”

This provoked a studio-wide groan, with the exclusion of Jen, who seemed just eager enough to cancel out the cloud of grim impatience encircling her. 

“Unless, of course,” Smith said, shifting poses to something favoring the letter ‘G’, “you’d prefer to construct your own schedules. In which case, a full price admission to Meadow Grove Resort remains available.”

She sleekly extended her right leg, pointing its foot pin-straight toward the sliding studio doors. “Don’t, as the masters of yore were wont to say, let the door hit ya.” 

When no one moved and the room went quiet enough to hear an acupuncture needle drop, Smith resumed a standing position and bowed three times to each division of the studio. “Namaste. Namaste. Namaste.” 

Chrysanthemum Smith had in no way undersold how ‘aligned and cleansed’ couple’s therapy and its airings of dirty laundry and subsequent ferocious dissolutions of decades of marriage; couple’s pottery, the same thing but with clay vases; and couple’s finger-painting, a bonding exercise in shared humiliation, would make their minds, emotions, and souls through sheer gut-rending hilarity.

Ulrick almost didn’t want to stop watching people who, hours ago, seemed all confidence and bravado, now being brought to tears by an instructor’s criticism of their macaroni art lacking ‘depth.’ 

But their confinement was over and they were free to roam the grounds as they saw fit and Sett, without even feigning to look for a map of the resort, made a beeline for the largest body of water (and the largest gathering of humans) he could sniff. Ulrick was still surprised at times by how agile Sett could be on his feet when on the hunt for blood - or recreational watersports - and struggled to keep up. 

Their long-awaited waterskiing adventure began almost as soon as they arrived at the lakeside, the instructor needing a volunteer at that instant to man the skis while he lectured another guest on the controls of the boat. At nearly a head taller than anyone else present, Sett didn’t need much more than a raised hand to stand out. 

Things were going great; Sett mounted on skis as long as he was tall, the boat revving greedily for take off. At Sett’s thumbs up, the runabout hammered off in a thunderous roar. And then, all at once, things were going wrong. 

The envisioned majesty of skimming the motionless calm of the crystal river was halted abruptly with a leaden Sett stumbling mid-lake in his skis, trying and failing to correct himself, going feet-over-head, and sinking like an anchor to the agitated silt of the riverbed below. 

Ulrick, though he jumped with concern at the first hint of a misstep, expected a brief swim back, perhaps slowed a bit - but not much - by Sett's stoney limbs. He’d been the star diver of his local swimming hole as a teen and still maintained some of the underwater dexterity, though nowadays tended to lurk the floors of bodies of water like a carnivorous bottom-feeder; eating habits included.

But then a few minutes passed, and nothing. A lifeguard and two of the more experienced swimmers among the guests plunged into the river and searched for fifteen minutes, cracking the surface now and again for a gulp of air, all to no avail. The water was too cloudy with sediment to see past a certain depth, and the orange-purples of dusk were beginning to settle in. They'd need to return in the morning with a diving team.

It'd now been forty-five minutes, and three of the resort’s other guests were consoling Ulrick, one herself on the verge of waterworks. They'd just witnessed a man - someone's significant other - torn tragically from life's teat, and in front of the man he loved, no less. 

Ulrick, for his part, was positively miffed. 

"When I get my hands on him..." Ulrick started, before one of the grievers tossed him a teary-eyed questioning look. "Er, that is... would that I could only put my hands on him... again..." he corrected. 

Just as Ulrick had begun mentally reviewing the basics of the Arts of Throttling, a movement, barely noticeable, shook the surface of the lake. Then bubbles, then the full break of the water as a head rose into view. Then the screams of onlookers as, in the fading light, a ghastly lake monster began its murderous approach. Then screams of a different kind as people began to make the connection proper. Then there was weeping, fainting, more than one declaration of faith renewed. It was a miracle!

Later, after insistences for medical attention were politely but firmly refused and the religious stragglers begging for just a smell of Sett’s waterlogged clothes were shooed away, Ulrick asked why he waited so long to resurface, to which Sett said, "GrrrrRRrr. <Well, at first I was just sort of embarrassed.> RrrrrrrGrrrRrrr? <Then I thought, "How often do these people see miracles?>"

"Oh, sure," groaned Ulrick. "A man comes out of a lake after half an hour and it's a miracle. A man comes out of a grave after a few months and it's "Grab the torches and pitchforks, everyone!""

"Rrrr. <Babe.>"

Ulrick gave a pouty grumble. "I'm just saying. One's a little more miraculous, is all." 

Sett pulled Ulrick's head into his chest and stroked his hair. "GrrrRrrrRrrr. <Shh, I know, dude, I know.>" His heavy, soaked clothes and lack of body heat didn't chill Ulrick as much as they should have, and though a fine coating of sand covering him from head to toe gritted against Ulrick's cheek, it only made Ulrick rub his face in rebelliously. 

"Okay," Ulrick said, resting his fists on Sett's chest and gazing up into his eyes. "What's the next activity? I think we’re... due-au for a luau?" The moment the words left his lips, his face collapsed into disgusted regret.

“Rgrrr... <Actually…>” Sett said, wrenching off his mask and shaking the excess water from his hair, teasing a blush out of Ulrick. “GgrrrRrrrr? <Doesn’t watching the stars by the lake sound pretty relaxing?>”

Ulrick grinned and took a seat on the shoreline, running his hands through the tufts of ryegrass stretching out in waves around him. He tapped a spot to his right and Sett, half-cocked smile in tow, came lumbering over to take it. 

Hours flurried past, changing nothing about the image of the intimately silent pair but the number of stark white pinpricks in the sky they beheld. 

They threatened to sit silently basking in each other forever. 

And then Sett said, “GRrrrrgrrr, rrgrrr, graargrr. <So, Diane and Jen gave me their number, and they want to plan an outing.>” 

Unease shot through Ulrick’s veins, but he held his tongue in search of the correct words. “O-oh?” 

“Grrr? Rrgrrrrr. <Isn’t that cool? People want to spend time with us,>” said Sett, ensorcelled with the twinkle of every new star. “Rrrrr. <With me.>”

“That might be…” began Ulrick, before noticing the glimmer in Sett’s eyes and faint lift at the corners of his mouth as he stared up towards a great unknown. He sighed. “It’s going to be great.” 

Sett rested his hand on Ulrick’s, their fingers interlocking. He smiled, and the two gazed into an ever-darkening firmament, speckled with a thousand stars and a thousand futures. 

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Insecurities

Pairing: Sokka x Gender Neutral! Reader 

Warnings: None

Summary: Being a non-bender in the gaang isn’t always easy but your best friend Sokka always has ways of cheering you up. 

Word Count: 2017

A/N: This is my first A:TLA fic! I hope Sokka isn’t OOC but please let me know if he is so I can write him better in the future! 

__________________________________

No matter much you insisted to yourself and everyone around you that being a non-bender didn't bother you, it was a bold faced lie. You hated it. 

Back home, it hadn't been an issue. In the little earth kingdom village you hailed from, bending was forbidden because the fire nation had soldiers there that would imprison any earth benders. Even those who had the gift didn't tell anyone so you never felt different or less than. 

But now that you were with Team Avatar, as Sokka liked to call it, there were constant reminders about your lack of powers.

You sat on a rock on the bank of the river you'd all camped next to, staring at the point where the string of your fishing pole entered the water. It was your job to provide food tonight and after much begging from Sokka for “real food”, as he called it, you found yourself trying to fish instead of forage. The sun was beginning to set, still in the pale blue stage of descent. In a little creek that split off, Katara moved smoothly, guiding water into the air with ease as she practiced a new move she'd been working on. 

Toph was just lying against a rock pillow that she'd willed up into just the right, perfectly comfortable (for a rock) form, shade being cast down on her from another sheet of rock she'd bent into a half tent form. Having secretly been a standing champion in an earth bending fighting ring, beating full grown men five times her size at the age of twelve, she seldom felt the need to practice. 

Zuko was being Zuko. He stood off away from everyone in a clearing of dirt at the edge of the woods, practicing perfectly posed movements as he tried to force more and more power into the fire leaving his palms. 

It wasn't until Aang swooshed past you on a ball of air, sending your hair and the fabric of your clothing blowing in the wake of his pure youthful laughter, that the weight of your insecurities really hit you. 

You sighed, setting your makeshift fishing rod down and wedging it between two rocks. You scrunched your knees up and rested your chin on them, imagining what your life would be like if you had been born with such power. "Hey, you okay?" Sokka appeared from seemingly nowhere, coming up from behind to sit beside you. 

You perked up and tried to shake off the painful thoughts and shrugged, "Yeah, I'm good." You lied with a smile. 

"Please tell me you caught something. I am dying for some meat. We've been eating nothing but berries for days and I think I might die." Sokka begged, plucking at the string coming from the rod. 

You smacked his hand away and reprimanded him, "You're gonna scare the fish, idiot!" 

Yours and Sokka's relationship had always been full of sarcasm and insults but always from a place of love.  As the only non-benders, you often found yourselves paired up for everything which gave you a lot of time to develop a pretty solid friendship. But your idiot, meat obsessed best friend should have known better than to disrupt your fishing. 

Sokka put his hands up in defense, "I'm sorry! I'm just hungry, okay?!" He whined, plopping his face into his hands in 

As he sulked about the hunger you all shared, you looked over, your attention drawn by Zuko's groan of frustration. A tree he was facing was slightly charred but it was clear that he had intended to cause much more damage. He was distracted and frustrated but those seemed to be fairly frequent emotions for him.

Sokka noticed the unusual silence between the two of you and glanced over, chin still on his palm, and noticed you looking sadly at Zuko. He knew very well though that the look wasn't longing for Zuko himself but rather his powers. It was a feeling Sokka was well familiar with himself, "I know how you feel." He began simply, knowing you were reading each other's minds. 

You knew exactly what he meant. It was an unspoken bond of frustration that was only ever brought up verbally when someone underestimated your competence as fighters but it was there. "Do you ever wish you could bend?" You asked, looking over at him.

Sokka leaned back, his usual air of casual cockiness fading into a more sincere version of himself that didn’t shine through as often, "Not so much anymore. I mean, when we were younger, Katara was the only bender in our village so I guess I was jealous that she had this amazing power and I didn't. But I think now I've come to accept my place in the group. Katara and you are the brains. Zuko, Toph, and Aang are the brawn. And I'm the beauty." He put his hand under his chin like a child trying to pose cutely and he pulled his "cutest" face (although you weren't sure if that's what you'd call it - more like cheesy).

You chuckled a little bit, your tone becoming a slightly lighter, "Well, if you could bend, what kind of bender would want to be?" 

Sokka chewed his lip and thought for a moment, "I think I'd stick with my roots and be a water bender. What about you?" 

Your brows furrowed, "I don't know… I mean I know I'm from the earth kingdom so I should say earth bender but I just… I don't know! My whole life would just be rocks. I mean, don't get me wrong, the powers are amazing and definitely one of the most powerful as far as I'm concerned but it's just rocks. Everything is rock." 

"I know exactly how that feels! My whole life has been ice! Everything is freaking ice! I lived in an igloo made of ice!" Sokka spoke animatedly, flailing his arms around to further his point. 

Normally, you might have giggled or rolled your eyes at his dramaticness but instead you became more enthusiastic about your words as well. "Exactly! I mean I lived in a wooden hut but we used to take trips to Omashu and everything is just rock! At least the air kingdom and fire kingdom don't just have air and fire for everything." 

"You know what?" Sokka asked, putting his hand on your shoulder, "They may have superpowers but you know what they don't have?" 

You raised your eyebrows, waiting for him to continue his sentiment. "A kick ass boomerang or a freaking awesome bow staff!" He finished, whipping out his boomerang and using it to point to your bow staff that was leaned against the rocks beside you, your main weapon of choice. 

"Aang kind of has a staff." You interjected, rolling your eyes to look over at your friend. 

"No, Aang has a magical flying stick." Sokka was clearly unamused by your attempt to fault his logic, “Just accept the fact that you’re cool too!” 

His compliments made your cheeks turn red and you laughed, “Yeah, I s’pose you’re right. I am pretty awesome.” 

Sokka’s arms went out in triumph when you finally admitted your true value, “Exactly! Besides, we’re better at hand to hand combat than them too.” 

Your head wavered side to side as an expression of unsureness swept over your face, “Eh, I don’t know about that. Have you seen Zuko with his swords?” 

“Shut up!” He whined, exasperated, “If you’re going to keep being like this, I’m going to stop trying to make you feel important.”

Your mouth fell open a little bit at his last comment, “Are you saying I’m not important?!” Obviously, you knew that wasn’t what he meant. He’d been your best friend since you joined the group so you knew that Sokka valued you just as much as you did him. But still, as such an easy target, he was so much fun to pick on sometimes. 

Your best friend quickly backtracked, “Not that you’re not important! Just- agh! You know what I mean!” His face fell dramatically and his arms dropped to his side, finally stilling from their usual expressive flailing. 

You reached over and grabbed his arm in reassurance, laughing at his flusteredness, “I know what you mean, Sokka! I’m just kidding Gosh, you’re so easy to pick on.” Sokka groaned as you pulled him in close, giving him a side hug. “Thank you for trying to help me feel better. I know that we’re a vital part of the team and that we have specialties that others don’t. I just can’t help but feel insecure sometimes when everyone else can bend the elements to their will and we can’t.” 

Sokka leaned into your touch, awkwardly side hugging you back while you held onto his arm, “Yeah, I know. Me too sometimes. But then I just remember how awesome I am and then I feel better. You should try it sometime” He let you go and pulled his boomerang out from behind him, inspecting the sharp blade with a cocky smirk you knew was just there to mask his insecurities. 

“Maybe I should.” You pondered his words as you leaned back against the rock you’d used as a back rest while you fished and looked out at the setting sun’s reflection on the water. Mentally, you took notes of all the things you were good at. Sure, Katara could move water, Toph could fling rocks, Zuko could conjure fire, and Aang… well Aang was the avatar. But you were a master fighter, capable of taking down ten men with your bowstaff alone. Not only that but you were highly skilled in hand to hand combat. Since your father had been a high commanding officer in the vigilante brigade in your village against the fire nation before he was arrested, he’d instilled a lot of knowledge crucial to survival, on and off the battlefield. Things like scavenging and foraging, making shelter and weapons from next to nothing, battle strategy, natural healing remedies, and keeping a good head in combat were all things that came naturally to you. The bender’s didn’t have that. 

Yes, they were amazingly gifted and talented people but they relied on their abilities for all things. You were able to do almost just as much, if not more, without the powers. Sokka was right: you two were total badasses. 

When you looked back at him, he was sharpening his blade on the rocks and then held it up to the light to inspect it, repeating the process a few times. An idea popped into your head and you looked over at him coyly, “Y’know, Sokka, we are total non-bending badasses. But we don’t know who’s the best non-bending badass.” 

Sokka side eyed you suspiciously, “Is that a challenge?” 

You sighed and leaned back, stretching your body out to show how little you were afraid of him, “Yeah, I think it is. Unless, you’re scared you’ll lose.” You taunted, knowing the rise you were getting out of your best friend. 

Sokka was well aware of what you were doing but he couldn’t resist the temptation of a little friendly battle. “I’m not scared!” His voice cracked, making his comment harder to take seriously, “Just be warned. There’s only gonna be two hits. Me hitting you and you hitting the ground.” He stood up, cracking his knuckles and back as he spoke. 

“Oh, is that so? Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is Water Boy?” You stood up too, grabbing your bowstaff and stamping it firmly onto the earth beside you. 

He grabbed his boomerang and gripped it tightly. He stepped closer, his nose almost touching yours as he locked you into a glare-off, a twinkle of friendly competition in his vibrant blue eyes. You knew that friendly competition was sure to come with a “friendly” amount of scuffs and bruises to both the loser and the victor, though you were positive you’d be the latter of those two. 

Sokka nearly growled as he spoke, raising his eyebrow in challenge, “It’s on.” 

[jail-crow-of-mandos]

Is Caranthir Autistic Or Am I Just Projecting: An Autobiography

Yup, here it is. My long-promised autistic Caranthir meta. Although I’m not sure how much of a meta it can be considering Caranthir is only mentioned by name 24 times in the entire Silmarillion, outside of the name index at the end. So here’s the plan: we’re gonna go through every time he’s mentioned and see if it tells us anything about potentially being autistic.

Before we begin. here is the DSM list of requirements for being diagnosed as autistic. Considering how few times we see Caranthir doing stuff in day to day life, odds are we won’t get to the level required for full diagnosis, but it certainly can help support it as a theory.

Requirements:

Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity

Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction,

Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships

At least two of the following: Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech, Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior, Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus, Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment

Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities, or may be masked by learned strategies in later life)

Symptoms cause clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of current functioning.

These disturbances are not better explained by intellectual disability or global developmental delay. Intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder frequently co-occur; to make comorbid diagnoses of autism spectrum disorder and intellectual disability, social communication should be below that expected for general developmental level.

With that being said, let’s start at the beginning:

“The seven sons of Fëanor were Maedhros the tall; Maglor the mighty singer, whose voice was heard far over land and sea; Celegorm the fair, and Caranthir the dark; Curufin the crafty, who inherited most of his father’s skill of hand; and the youngest Amrod and Amras, who were twin brothers, alike in mood and face. In later days they were great hunters in the woods of Middle-earth; and a hunter also was Celegorm [...]”

“[Regarding the Oath] Thus spoke Maedhros and Maglor and Celegorm, Curufin and Caranthir, Amros and Amras, princes of the Noldor [...]”

Okay these two tell us absolutely nothing about Caranthir in particular, at least for this particular topic. Moving swiftly along.

“But Caranthir, who loved not the sons of Finarfin, and was the harshest of the brothers and the most quick to anger, cried aloud: ‘Yea more! Let not the sons of Finarfin run hither and thither with their tales to this dark Elf in his caves! Who made them our spokesmen to deal with him? And though they be come indeed to Beleriand, let them not so swiftly forget that their father is a lord of the Noldor, though their mother be of other kin”

Now we’re finally getting to the good part. Let’s start at the beginning. “Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity”. Yep. To put that in layman’s terms, it means to have trouble understanding how to navigate conversations in a normal way, often talking out of turn or speaking too harshly. This falls into both of those. On top of that, it also shows signs of “Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships”. He is clearly misreading the situation and attacking Angrod for no real reason outside of being mad about everything. This is not how you speak to a stranger, especially not a diplomat. 

One could even argue that it could show signs of “Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior”” and “Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction”. The former could be argued because one could say that he has fallen into a comfortable pattern, and the idea of changing it is deeply distressing to him, hence why he lashed out. The idea of changes happening that he didn’t directly have a say in causes him to panic and react with anger. As far as the latter one goes, given Maedhros’s initial response to Angrod as well as him trying to calm Caranthir down afterwards, one can reasonably assume that his body language was telling his brothers to stay calm and cordial. Caranthir either ignored this deliberately (which would strengthen the prior argument that he struggles maintaining and understanding relationships, given the authority Maedhros has over him) or he simply could not pick up on the nonverbal cues that Maedhros was giving.

“Now the people of Caranthir dwelt furthest east beyond the upper waters of Gelion, about Lake Helevorn under Mount Rerir and to the southward; and they climbed the heights of Ered Luin and looked eastward in wonder, for wild and wide it seemed to them were the lands of Middle-earth. And thus it was that Caranthir's people came upon the Dwarves, who after the onslaught of Morgoth and the coming of the Noldor had ceased their traffic into Beleriand. But though either people loved skill and were eager to learn, no great love was there between them; for the Dwarves were secret and quick to resentment, and Caranthir was haughty and scarce concealed his scorn for the unloveliness of the Naugrim, and his people followed their lord. Nevertheless since both peoples feared and hated Morgoth they made alliance, and had of it great profit; for the Naugrim learned many secrets of craft in those days, so that the smiths and masons of Nogrod and Belegost became renowned among their kin, and when the Dwarves began again to journey into Beleriand all the traffic of the dwarf-mines passed first through the hands of Caranthir, and thus great riches came to him.”

So this is the part that led to all of the Caranthir loving money jokes, which ultimately led to there being a Caranthir/money tag on AO3. (No, really.) That said, there’s a lot to unpack here. First of all, it’s pretty reasonable to think that Caranthir’s love for planning and economics go beyond average, so let’s assume for a moment that economics are his special interest. This would fill the third elective requirement: “Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus”. Or, in other words, having a special interest. But beyond that, him not even trying to hide his distaste for the Dwarves clearly shows a lack of basic diplomacy, which we’ve been over before. He has severely lacking social skills. Plus, choosing to be hostile towards a group that have the exact same interests as him proves that he struggles with change, or at the very least forming interpersonal bonds, even if he did form an alliance with them in the end (which only goes to show how strong his special interest is).

“Therefore the Noldor held strength of cavalry In the plains at that place; and the people of Caranthir fortified the mountains to the east of Maglor's Gap. There Mount Rerir, and about it many lesser heights, stood out from the main range of Ered Lindon westward; and in the angle between Rerir and Ered Lindon there was a lake, shadowed by mountains on all sides save the south. That was Lake Helevorn, deep and dark, and beside it Caranthir had his abode; but all the great land between Gelion and the mountains, and between Rerir and the River Ascar, was called by the Noldor Thargelion, which signifies the Land beyond Gelion, or Dor Caranthir, the Land of Caranthir; and it was here that the Noldor first met the Dwarves. But Thargelion was before called by the Grey-elves Talath Rhúnen, the East Vale.”

Okay this one might be a bit of a stretch, but one could argue that Caranthir choosing to live beneath the mountains and in a notably dark region could indicate a sensitivity to bright lights, which would qualify as a sensory sensitivity. Even if not, though, we already have the required two of the four electives.

“At that time [Celegorm and Curufin] were from home, riding with Caranthir east in Thargelion [...]”

And this tells us absolutely nothing.

“But seven days later, as the Orcs made their last assault and had already broken through the stockade, there came suddenly a music of trumpets, and Caranthir with his host came down from the north and drove the Orcs into the rivers.

Then Caranthir looked kindly upon Men and did Haleth great honour; and he offered her recompense for her father and brother. And seeing, over late, what valour there was in the Edain, he said to her: 'If you will remove and dwell further north, there you shall have the friendship and protection of the Eldar, and free lands of your own.'

But Haleth was proud, and unwilling to be guided or ruled, and most of the Haladin were of like mood. Therefore she thanked Caranthir, but answered: 'My mind is now set, lord, to leave the shadow of the mountains, and go west, whither others of our kin have gone.'”

One could probably argue that Haleth was Caranthir’s only friend outside of his immediate family, which certainly indicates a struggle in forming bonds. That being said, he did pretty good here. I’m proud of him :))

“Maglor joined Maedhros upon Himring; but Caranthir fled and joined the remnant of his people to the scattered folk of the hunters, Amrod and Amras, and they retreated and passed Ramdal in the south. Upon Amon Ereb they maintained a watch and some strength of war, and they had aid of the Green-elves; and the Orcs came not into Ossiriand, nor to Taur-im-Duinath and the wilds of the south.”

While this is a very interesting passage for Caranthir’s characterization, it has nothing to do with him potentially being autistic, so we can move on.

“The sons of Ulfang the Black were Ulfast, and Ulwarth, and Uldor the accursed; and they followed Caranthir and swore allegiance to him, and proved faithless”

Poor Caranthir can’t catch a break, can he? But yeah of course he chooses the people who end up being the least loyal. Certainly indicates a lack of character judgement, which falls under not understanding nonverbal communication.

“There fell Celegorm by Dior's hand, and there fell Curufin, and dark Caranthir”

RIP. But it doesn’t really tell us anything.

Obviously, we can’t know what he was like during childhood development, nor can we know what underlying conditions he may have. However, given how many alliances he fucked over or nearly fucked over with his bad social skills, it’s fair to say that his autistic traits would have clinical significance. So, in conclusion, while nothing can be said for certain, it is reasonable to think that Caranthir is autistic.

[metawish]

Family x Hunter: My mini analysis about family relationships in HxH

I am a HUGE sucker for found family troupes and family-oriented stories. There just aren't enough stories to explore the nature of those relationships and how influencial they can be to our development as people. For those of us who's primary relationships are our families, we're left out of the dialouge.

So imagine my surprise when Hunter x Hunter ended up being the anime I can't stop thinking about precisely because of the MULTIPLE family relationships and psudorelationships that happen throughout the plot. Imagine my double surprise when it turns out those family relationships are prioritized and emphasized in the anime over others like the all too popular friendship.

Written for the Carnival of Aro’s Jan 2021 Theme: Stories

Take the premise as a starting point. Gon decides to become a hunter, not because it's cool or because he wants to find some rare cool thing he's never seen before. No, instead, he wants to become a hunter to get closer to his absent father. The ENTIRE show only happens because Gon is driven by a desire to connect with and forge a relationship with his father. I think I can safely say that the family aspect of Hunter x Hunter is embeded into it's core.

Then take a look at the reasons the other main four choose to become hunters. Kurapika is hoping to avenge the massacur of his family clan, a clan that does not interact with the outside world. His entire character arc and development is based on this goal of seeking revenge.

Killua is at the Hunter exam because he heard it was easy. But then we learn, he left home because he wants to REJECT his family obligation to take up the family business.

"Okay, fair," I hear you all say, "but what about Leorio? He just wants money."

Let me help you connect the dots here. First, he claims he wants to become a hunter because of the money. Then we learn he wants to use that money to become a doctor and then provide free medical treatment for those who cannot afford it. THEN we learn that this motivation STEMS from a childhood incident where a best friend of his ended up dying from a treatable illness because he couldn't afford the medical treatment neccessary. Leorio decided then that he did not want anyone else to experience that, tried to go at it the normal way, and realized that it would be nearly impossible for him to afford it. Any average person might end up giving up on this dream, but Leorio was so dedicated to his goal that he ended up training to become a hunter, a physically and mentally strenuous task. JUST so he can get access to more money.

If anything, Leorio's the one who's most motivated by platonic relationships! While Kurapika,Gon, and Killua's motivations are based on obligations to family, Leorio's motivation is only suggested. It isn't like this friend is still alive and Leorio is obligated to save him. No one but Leorio is beholden to the completion of his mission. The strength in that bond has to be strong for him to go to the lengths he did.

AND THIS IS ONLY THE VERY BEGINNING!

Gon's arc goes from becoming a hunter to finding his dad. Kurapika disappears from the story precisely because he is off getting revenge. Killua's development as a character entirely rests in the way he navigates between his family, with entire plots surrounding the Zoldyks. Leorio reenters the narrative JUST to show how deeply he cares for Gon and Killua, and serves as a nice foil to Ging, Gon's father.

I physically cried during Killua's final arc, when he apologized to his youngest sister, asking for her forgiveness after being a "bad big brother." Killua went from essentially running away from home rejecting his family, to asking for forgiveness from a cherished family member. And the nuance inbetween! Freeing himself from his oldest brother's mind control. Finding common ground with his father that, at least in the anime, never gets used against him. Rejecting the family business without rejecting the family. While it still feels incomplete, the joy at seeing him reconnect with a family member and promise to always be together forever made the little shrivelled starved heart of mine swell satisfied.

Killua is a perfect example of the story focusing on his family relationships over his friendships, or at the very least, implying that those family relationships are more important than those with his friend. Does Killua leverage the fact that he made a pact with his dad to never abandon a friend? Yeah. But the fact is that he still went to his family for help.

In the last episode, he tells Gon, his first and only friend, that they have to part ways since he has to protect his little sister. He even says that she comes first before Gon. After struggling to understand if Gon is as committed to him as Killua was to him, he finds closure in his little sister's dedication and wholesome affection. (When he asks Alluka if he was the only one in the whole world that loved her, would that be enough, her response was that she couldn't stop smiling. Because the answer was yes. And perhaps, it was also a question for Killua. Is Alluka's love for him enough?)

And Leorio. LEORIO. As I said, he disappears from the narrative, largely because his mission and Gon's are not the same. But when Gon is out of commission, Leorio comes back into play. The PLOT is affected by this decision and MOVES because if this. Leorio was simply trying to find a way to help his friend, and decides to publically ask his father where he is during such a critical time. Leorio's emotions at Ging's lack thereof ends up putting him in the spotlight, a spotlight he uses every time to seek answers for Gon and to reaffirm his commitment to saving Gon. As much as I HATED the slowmotion, the reunion between Leorio and Gon after Gon's been healed was felt deep in my SOUL. Contrast that QUITE LITERALLY with Ging's reaction and we have the potential for some major character development and storytelling about what a family relationship really is about.

Do we have to earn those familiar relationships? Are we expected to commit to people who are not committed to us simply because they are blood? Can we reject them? Is Killua's reject of his oldest brother over their younger sister a conflict that cannot be solved? Can we form them with strangers? Who is more of a stranger to Gon; his absent dad or the guy he met on a ship headed to an exam? Are we obligated to our family duties like Killua and the family business or Kurapika and his life destroying hunt to avenge his dead family?

Kurapika's story felt a little flat, which is a shame because there is so much potential to explore! The struggle to avenge his clan stems not from his clan, but from his own trauma and pain. His family was ripped right under him, leaving him no one to rely on. Instead of form new relationships, he rots along with his family. In a sense, his disappearance from the narrative represents his character regression, fading from existance like his family.

From a family taken away, to a father who was never there in the first place. Gon's story feels incomplete. Feels a bit like Gon's growth as a character is secondary to the advancement of the plot. Feels like sweeping major issues under the metaphorical rug and calling it a fun show. This man never once visited his son. When leaving a recording for his son, he flat out told Gon he did not want to see him at all. During his time in the hospital, never once did he visit. Sure, we see him remain confident that Gon is alright, but is this confidence misplaced? Is this even true confidence in a person he's never met before? I feel like I am missing a giant piece of the puzzle explaining why Gon, a 12 year old boy who had no male figure in his life, easily accepts Ging.

Let's not forget how Gon didn't even WANT to learn more about his birth mother, a mystery that we will never solve. Just another example of trying to answer what family means. Mito is an aunt, but to Gon, Mito is his mother. (Yet Ging can still be his father? Why not Leorio? A far more deserving man of any affection whatsoever.)

How the story should go. After meeting up with Ging, he continues to go on an adventure with him. As they travel through the far more dangerous continent, Gon faces death multiple times. All this while Ging continues without regard for his safety. Gon reflects, thinking back to his friend Killua, who would attack Gon if it was to protect him. Who called him the sun. Back to Leorio, who hugged Gon like he mattered. Who said he was sorry for not being there for him. As they continue on, he reflects on who really matters. A call for help from his friends. Does he answer the call or remain by his father's side?

What makes a familiar relationship? Blood? Obligation? Depth of affection? Trust? Who makes or breaks those ties? How much do we grow from those relationships?

Hunter x Hunter exceeds my expectations, but also fails to live up to the story it sets itself up to be. I never thought I'd see such an incredible character development that centers on family. I hoped for something on the Ging & Gon front, perhaps as a means of exploring my own thoughts on the matter. Sorely disappointed. I think about this anime often because there is still much left to the imagination. A story unfinished. Perhaps that's what makes it a good story; especially one that decides to kick the standard and focus on a relationship that all of us have dealt with, but many of us overlook.

Is this show good? Debatable. What isn't debatable is how important family is to the plot and character development of the show. Maybe, in an alternative world somewhere, there is a satisfying ending where Gon acknowledges his own family trauma. He realizes how important his friends are, maybe seeing them more as his own family. Kurapika's revenge slowly fizzles out, instead replaced by the need to protect what's still alive. Killua resolves his family issues while remaining true to himself and Leorio adopts Gon.

Maybe the real family is the one we make along the way.