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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks.

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this.

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this.

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time. Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay.

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished?

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW. And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order.

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close.

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss.

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds.

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was.

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon.

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well.

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass.

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why.

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won.

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out.

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again.

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day.

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy.

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it.

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has.

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying.

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE?

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself.

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face.

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan. Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick.

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”.

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia:

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back.

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things.

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man.

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back.

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing.

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD.

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her.

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home.

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING.

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Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands.

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes.

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”.

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale. This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here.

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure.

#amphibia #amphibia spoilers #true colors #anne boonchuy #marcy wu #sasha waybright #grimothy #captain grime #sprig plantar #andrias leviathan #keith david #hopidah plantar #polly plantar #frobo #genera yunan #lady olivia #disney channel #disney now

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faecaptainofdreams · 4 years

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(Everyone is sitting together. It doesn't really matter where, but they're all outside and having a great time. Lance, Walter, Marcy, Killian, Eyes, Ears, August, Ramsey, Sky, Felix, Gwynn, Jack, and Hiro. Other friends, such as Joy and Tonya [the security lady], aren't too far away. Lovey, Jeff and Crazy Eyes are present as well, calmly strutting around, being petted by various members of the group.) Walter: I remember when I was six, I went to my mom's room and was watching her put on her makeup for the day. She was kinda used to that, since I followed her everywhere. Well, I told her I liked her makeup, and that she was really good at putting it on. So then I'm like "Hey, what's it like to wear makeup?" And she goes, "I don't know, I'm used to it." And she looked at me, because I think she knew that I was building up to asking if I could wear some. I told her I just wanted to wear what she was wearing, just to know. She had to think about that for a minute, hah! Marcy: This feels like a really important part of your flamboyant origin story. (Everyone laughs, Walter included.) Walter: YES, definitely! So like, she was a little thrown, I think? But then she was like "Yeah, sure, okay, you can try on my makeup," and she had me sit in her little chair in front of the mirror. She was telling me that it was gonna feel funny, that I needed to be still so she wouldn't accidentally poke my eye, all that good stuff. My mom was SUPER attentive whenever she tried new things with me, because of the Asperger's. We really didn't know what could trigger that potential sensory overload or what I might be overwhelmed by, so I think she was more nervous about that than anything. Well... Before she started, I asked her if wearing makeup would make me less of a boy. I said, "Only girls wear makeup, and when boys like girly things, they get made fun of." I was really aware of that. I always SO BADLY wanted to take my Unitee to school, as a comfort object, but I was scared to death of the other kids taking her from me and tearing her up or something. So -- anyway, mom goes, "No, some boys wear makeup," and she said, "Did you know that men wear makeup in other parts of the world?" And she told me about the Egyptians, ancient peoples and how makeup was originally for everybody, all that cool stuff. SHE info-dumped on ME! (They all laugh a little.) Walter: It was just really striking to me how...progressive she was, like there was nothing I could do that she didn't support. I told her I didn't think I wanted to wear makeup all the time, and she said "Good, you're too young for it anyway." (More laughs.) Walter: So I sat there, and she started putting the makeup on me. She put on my eye shadow, then eye liner, then mascara... It was exhausting! How do people wear it ALL THE TIME? (They all nod and chuckle and Marcy raises her hand, drawing attention to herself.) Marcy: It's the way of the woman, Walter. Killian: And the very flamboyant, but no-less-masculine man. Ramsey: I tried on makeup once. Turned my rat face into a rat face with paint on it. (All laughter.) Sky: Hah, okay babe, so what happened next? Walter: *giggles softly* Well, then she put a little blush on just for the fun of it, and then put lipstick on me. We both kept laughing, I think she was laughing at me because I kept pursing my lips out SUPER hard! She was like "Just relax a little!" And I would, and then I would purse really hard again! (Laughs.) Gwynn: That's so cute, hah hah. Walter: We had this really long talk about how boys are not boys because they don't wear makeup, and girls aren't girls because some of them do wear makeup. Same with pants, and dresses. She said that if I am a boy, then that's what I am no matter what I have on. I was like... "If?" (Lots of concerned chuckles and a few laughs roll through the group.) Lance: OH shit, she probably didn't count on that one. Walter: NO, NOT AT ALL. I mean, it wasn't that long ago, but honestly transgender, non-binary and all the LGBT stuff has REALLY just been gaining traction in the past few years. Like I said, she was REALLY progressive. Felix: Did she have to explain that? Walter: *nods* A little. She kept it simple, she was like "Well, sometimes little boys feel like they aren't actually boys, and they feel like they're girls, so they choose to be girls and that's who they really are." I asked her how that's possible, because I have to over-analyze everything, pfft. She said she couldn't really explain it, that it was fine that I didn't understand, that she could tell me later. Yeah -- whenever she couldn't explain a hard topic to me, she was always really good about saying it was okay that I didn't understand it. Living in a world where you're expected to just GET everything, whether it's a hard or an easy concept, that was always nice. Hiro: *nods* Jack: Everyone should be told that, you've got a point there. Sky: I could not STAND when teachers were like "Oh ThiS iS eAsY, eVeRyOnE eLsE gEtS iT" LIKE BITCH, SHUT UP. *claps between words* I'M- NOT- THEM. Lance: RIGHT THOUGH?!

Ears: Rude.

Walter: Exactly! Everyone is different. Not even from an Autistic standpoint, just a HUMAN CHILD standpoint, my mom was really good with helping me be okay with my environment. August: Do you think if you were neurotypical, she would've been just as good, or like, less good or not as...paying attention? Walter: *thinks for a moment* Mmm... I mean, she was really good with me before I was even diagnosed, she was really patient and tried to roll with the fact that I was somehow very different from my peers. But no, I think she probably would've been about the same. Maybe less careful, or less afraid of setting me off somehow, but she DEFINITELY wouldn't have loved me less or had been any less kind. She was just...a great mother, plain and simple. (Gwynn reaches across the table and gently takes his hand, silently offering a bit of love. Walter smiles sadly to her.) Lance: So, what happened with the makeup? Walter: *sits up and takes in a deep breath* I told her it felt weird, aaand she said that was normal... *smiles softly* She told me I was pretty... I asked if I could show grana, so we went and found her in the living room and showed her. Ramsey: Oooh, was granny as progressive as mom? Walter: OH yeah, she was definitely where my mom got it from. She loved it! Marcy: *shaking her head slowly in awe* That is so rare, like WOW. Walter: Mm-hm. Yeah, I actually came out to grana when I was 14. I said, "I think I'm gay," and she looked me dead in the eye and said, "Oh, I knew that!" (They all laugh.) Walter: I was like, "Whaaat??" She told me that her and mom figured that out when I was two. Lance: ...What the hell was you doin' when you were TWO to give that away??? (They all chuckle.) Walter: HAH hah! I asked her that, and she said that my mom was just watching me play. I wasn't doing anything special, I -- she just said "I think my son is gay." And apparently, grana felt the same way? It turns out, big shocker, I am not mysterious. Hahahah! Felix: No, no you are NOT. Gwynn: Your family was really cool, Walter. Walter: Yeah... They were... (He nods his head slowly, eyes becoming a little wet. But he smiles, warm memories, love, and a little sadness filling his heart.) Walter: And now I have this cool family, so... I'm really really l-ucky-- (He wipes his eyes, trying not to cry.) Walter: Nnnaaahhh!! I don't wanna cry, aha hah...! Marcy: *chuckles* It's okay. Walter: Gah, I know. I cry enough though, I can go TEN MINUTES without! (They all chuckle, but there is an expression of care for him in everyone.) Walter: So that's the makeup story. *sniffles and wipes his eye one more time* I ended up not wearing it again after that, until the -- *motions to Jack* the mission! Jack: That was some fun, eh? Heheh! Really, Walter, you did make for a lovely lady! Walter: *laughs* Well thank you!! Hiro: I think it's nuts when people can tell their kids are gay. Killian: Yeh, some people honestly just feel that. I've heard about pregnant women being able to feel their unborn child is a certain way, and then years later they figure out they're right. Mind-boggling. Walter: There really is nothing harder to explain than a mother's instinct! Lance: Yeah, then there's MY mom. When I was like fifteen, my mom caught me dancin' in my room to this really fruity song and some dumbass chick flick was on the TV, and... (Everyone starts laughing.) Lance: *waves it off* So she busts in my room and is like *mocking voice* "Lance, you wanna tell me somethin'? Are you gay?" and I got all defensive and was like "NO MOM" in this really squeaky voice. (The laughter continues, and Lance along with them.) Lance: I knew what bein' gay was, and I knew how people made fun of it -- I made fun of it back then, everyone used it as an insult, there was all this misinformation about it flying around. My mom wasn't even being accusatory, she wasn't like MAD about it or anything, but from then on, ALL the time, if I did somethin' kinda questionable she was like "YoU gAy?!" So I'd try to make my voice deeper, like *makes voice deeper* "NO, MAMA. I LIKE GIRLS." (Laughter) Eyes: Did she try to get you for overcompensating? Lance: *claps and points at her* YES, I was just about to say! So I started gettin' pissed off about the gay thing, right? Well, my mom didn't know that I was listenin' to Afro Man back then. Hiro: What is that? Lance: Look him up, he's hilarious! Best song, Colt 45, hands down.

Ears: It's pretty funny, gotta admit. August: THAT SONG. IS SO. GROSS. Walter: When I was in middle school I heard some of the other kids singing it, I was sooo confused! August: Weren't you like FOUR in middle school? Walter: HAH HAH no, I was seven! August: PFFFT, OKAY, well that's still awful. Walter: *nods* Lance: My mom asked me if I was gay for the last damn time before I brought out my little laptop and started BLASTIN' Colt 45. Marcy: What even is that song?? Lance: It's literally just a rap song about the Afro Man having sex with dozens of women and being real vulgar about it, but not like your normal rap song. August: It's kind of like a parody, but it's not? Marcy: *sits back* Ew. Lance: Heh heh heh, yeah, when she heard that she went OFF on me. She was like "WHERE'D YOU FIND NASTY TRASH LIKE THAT YOU DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW" and started whippin' at my ass with the hand towel! (Laughter) Lance: I was running away cryin', screaming "I WAS JUST TRYIN'A TELL YOU I'M NOT GAY" and she goes "THAT'S WHAT OVERCOMPENSATIN' LOOKS LIKE!" (Their laughter is loud, boisterous, and unapologetic.) Ramsey: You get in trouble?! Lance: BIG TIME. Actually -- HA -- yeah, that's how I got into the military, she said "fuck this child and his stupid gay ass, he's gonna be a marine," stuck me on a plane and shipped me off. (The laughter is settling, but still genuine.) Lance: Nah nah I'm jokin', that's a joke. But yeah, I wasn't allowed on the internet for like three months after that. Walter: Hmhmhm! Did she finally stop asking? Lance: Yeah, yeah finally. I think that was the last straw. Marcy: Hey, where was your dad during all this? Lance: Oh god, you know him, he just kinda...stayed out of it, heh. He's definitely the more submissive one. But that's all right, mama's good to him. Killian: I personally adore your mother. Lance: Yeah, 'cos she showed you my baby pictures. Killian: You had the fattest fuckin' face on any infant I've ever seen. Lance: Whatever! You probably weighed like 18 pounds when you came out, you tank! (Walter unintentionally leads into the group laughing fit with a heavy "PFFT!") Killian: *laughing* I was thin as a rail 'til i was 17! Lance: Nah, you was what took down the Hindenburg, 100%. Killian: Bitch your face WAS the Hindenburg! Those CHEEKS! (The laughter only gets harder. The stories go on, the happiness rolls on forever. Eventually, Joy and Tonya join the group. This really is Walter's family, and it's perfect.) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's a little cheesy, but we could use some of that right now. I had this idea of Walter and Wendy a couple months ago, but never once even spoke of it. I thought i would do art for it sooner, but here we are -- better late than never. I'm glad it took until now, because i wouldn't have shaded it then. Been feeling sentimental lately, and SiD is a huge part of my heart now. This was actually done on the last page of the first sketchpad i used for SiD! Apparently, i abandoned the drawing pad with ONE PAGE LEFT >8U SO DUMB. So with me being emotional, feeling a need for closure and wanting to add one more thing to the book, i decided this was the perfect subject matter. I don't know when i'll draw for this movie again since Marvel has swept me away, but I think i'll always be paying attention to it. I think this is one of those things that just will forever mean the world to me.

#Spies in Disguise #Walter Beckett #Lance Sterling #Marcy Kappel #Joy Jenkins #Eyes and Ears #Spies in Disguise OC #Wendy Beckett #Lovey #Jeff and Crazy Eyes #Killian #Tristan McFord

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galaxyshine24-7 · 3 years

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Things I didn't like about Stranger Things Season 3

Now don't get me wrong I love Stranger Things. Its been such a fun ride and inspired me with its 80's feel and DnD vibe. I adored it and still do, I'm so excited for season 4 and can't wait to see the gang again. However when season 3 came out and I watched it certain things didn't sit well with me. So I guess I'm just getting them off my chest. Now reminder these are my opinions if you think something different that is completely fine. I'm just venting at this point and might view things differently from others. So read on if you want.

Spoilers Ahead

Relationships

My biggest struggle watching this season was how they handled relationships. Either how they where handled, or how they weren't handled, or things I see people overlook when it comes to them that should be addressed. So I shall go down the line on what I didn't like and analyze them.

Nancy and Johnathan

Over the seasons I have fallen in love with Nancy's character. I like how the show played into stereotypical 80's tropes. Nancy was the mean older sister, but soon turned into a badass sharp shooter. In this season her character wavered for me a bit. I still love her don't get me wrong, but I was upset a bit how she handled her and Johnathan's situation at the job.

I felt like neither Nancy or Johnathan really talked about how the other made them feel or really get that they understood anyone's plight with the dialogue we where given.

With Nancy is wanting to get on the case and find out what is happening. She wanted to shut up those rude assholes in her office and I applaud her for that. However during that time I don't think she was truly listening to Johnathan's concerns. Now say what you want about Johnathan, I do feel like at the end of the day that he loves and cares for Nancy and will back her up when he can, but in this case we the audience see him become frustrated when he gets fired from a job he really needs to support his family. Now mind you Johnathan had a bad time at the job too, but him being made fun of is something he has grown a thick skin too has seen in previous seasons. He explains to Nancy that his family doesn't come from much money. Honestly him and Will have the lowest income in the friend group compared to the other kids and to me watching them struggle through the seasons compared to the other kids homes. With Nancy she was going off to college and wouldn't need this job for long with how accomplished she is between the high schoolers we know she is probably the only one with plans on going to college. I was a bit upset she didn't consider Johnathan's emotions and situation beforehand discovering what was going one with the rats.

Now Johnathan isn't innocent either he should have been more compassionate with her problems since this was something she wasn't used too getting in a work place. He should have talked to her more and communicated, heck maybe try to find a different job together. With Nancy she admits to her mom how she was unfair to Johnathan. When she then meets him again they didn't have that dialogue with each other at all, instead a few quick lines that left me in a weird place. It felt unfinished and I was not convinced either really talked through it. It felt unfinished and left a weird taste in my mouth in regards with the two. All and all I just wish it was handled better, but I can say that about most things on this list.

Max and Eleven

Now when these two started hanging out I was excited I think their cute and I'm glade El got a friend who is a girl. Its fun to see them talk to each other and bond going on adventures, however I started to raise a brow at Max's behavior and advice. Now side note I know they are children and they are not going to be right about things like relationships all the time. I get that I really do, however I'm still pissed she gave El terrible advice, and I don't think she was fully held accountable for her and El spying on people which is not okay powers or not. I'm glade they started to find about about Billy, but they weren't looking for that and stumbled upon it from spying on others. Its just something they shouldn't do in general to be honest.

Max supports and cares about El I just believe she wasn't the greatest of friends in terms of relationship advice and how she acted towards Mike and the others. Max was projecting her experience with relationships onto El's and Mike's and it did not end well at all. It was up to El at the end of the day to make her own decisions and speak to Mike to fully understand the situation and talk to each other. I understand why people praise and love the relationship, but also don't see its faults or the problems it had. When I found out Max and Lucas break up every other week I was like "are you serious, and you went around giving El advice, and didn't see anything wrong with that?!" I don't think Max ever talked to El about it or El talk to Max more about it, and then there's the whole thing with Mike that I can talk about later.

I just feel like Max wasn't solely positive in her and El's relationship, and I wished El tried to find answers on her own instead of listening to everyone.

(P.S. When Max showed El Wonder Women which is nice. Max makes a comment when El points out Wonder Women and she said. "This is why you can't hang out with Mike all the time." I first I was like okay, showing El a female superhero is cool. However I got to thinking Wonder Women and El don't have much in common besides being women. Mike gave her Grand Master Yoda and he has more in common with El then Wonder Women does. In terms of powers and such Yoda fits more with El, and El is the wisest and level headed out of most of the kids in my opinion. I'm upset at the writers when they seem to forgot Mike gave her a hero more like her in what she can do and who she is. They should've chose someone like Jean Grey who uses her mind and is a red head like Max, it would've made more sense. She appeared in 1963 so Jean would have fit. Also maybe Mike showed her Yoda and thought more about what he does and says that reminds him of El then thinking about what gender she was. Just a thought I guess.)

The Friends Group

Now with age I understand relationships change and mature esxpecliy through friends. This is shown with Lucas and Mike wanting to hang out girlfriends and Dustin having his own thing with Steve. I can see why the writers did this to have different storylines going on but it was weird. You would think after all they been through, they wouldn't get has distanced as they did. It didn't feel like the group was whole and then at the end of the day Will moves. Mike and Lucas where distracted by their own relationships which I can understand, but the whole argument with Mike and Will was strange. You have these kids who fought tooth and nail to get Will back and they can barely give him the time of day?! I get you have girlfriends and such, but come on. It seemed out of character for this group after so much they went through together and to get Will back. The argument with Will and Mike was heartfelt and you could feel Will's plight and Mike's, I guess I was just upset out how distant it was, and how the kids just brushed each other off for their own drama when we've seen many times that they don't do that to this degree.

Characters

There where many characters I either had problems with how they where written or felt like there could've been more.

Mike

Mike's character I feel like was shit on a lot in this season from characters and some of the fanbase. Now I will say upfront that I like Mike, heck I like most of the characters in this show. They got faults and positives that I can see and understand. This season with Mike I feel like his character didn't get the understanding from the other seasons. He's either the bad guy, or the grumpy kid who brushes off all his friends for El. Mike is shown growing his relationship with El and trying his best to be a good boyfriend and protect her. It upsets me when people don't look at the all aspects of a character and see their flaws and good traits. With Mike we have seen this kid put his fucking life on the line for his friends and become distraught when he loses El someone he loves dearly. Its understandable why he is a grumpy mess during the last season, he sat and tried to reach out to El for 353 days when she left. He lost her for a whole year and never stopped trying to see if she was out there, just like for Will he never gave up.

It doesn't surprise me that Mike wanted to do all he can to protect El no matter what so he doesn't loose her again. However when Max starts accusing him of wanting to control her, basically saying he is trying to treat El like property it made my blood boil. We has the audience saw him fight for El and protect El, and never stop looking for El. Then getting this whole "women are a different species," narrative between him and Lucas. How the writers went about that was weird to me seemed a bit forced. For two guys we know fought along along side El and saw her has equal and feel for her, too oh women are a different species we can't understand them at all didn't make the much sense by how hard they where pushing it.

It kind of sucks to hear people hate Mike. Like if you do that's fine, its all good. I just feel like his character doesn't get a fair review at times. Will gets brought up a lot from what I seen. I agree that Mike was being insensitive and like I said before doesn't make sense to brush off Will like that after all they went through. People like to talk about the whole "Its not my fault you don't like girls." Side note I don't believe Will is gay. If you do go for it, I just see the situation a bit different. Will just came out of a very traumatic event and just wants to go back to normal just like the old times with his friends and the hurt he experiences with them all moving on and being not what he remembered. They where not what they used to be. With Mike he is growing up and moving on and in a fit of anger he tells Will its not his fault he doesn't like the relationships him and the others are forming. Like he saying its not his fault Will isn't growing up, and moving on. insensitive yes, but I can understand where both are coming from and dealing with different problems.

Mike isn't a prefect character, and he makes mistakes. I just felt like towards the beginning of the season till some of the end he wasn't treated the best writing wise.

Max

When I first met Max she was such a fun character I love them bringing her into the group. She is fiery and compassionate and I think she brings something new to the group of kids. I think she still does. In the third season I just had a lot of problems with her and her attitudes.

I have already explained her part in El and her relationship. I guess her attitudes towards Mike and Lucas I was upset about.

Lucas and Max didn't get lots of screen time to showcase there relationship more, but by the whole they break up every week detail and attitudes towards each other I don't think its that solely positive to be honest with the scenes we got.

Her attitudes towards Mike made me pissed off a bit. Yes, Mike should not have lied and Max is right to call it out, but to go to say he is controlling El and these other terrible things. To the audience we know that is not true seeing Mike goes to the ends of the Earth for El and Max knows how deeply her disappearance effected him. Mike stood in front of her and his friends from Max's abusive brother Billy. However in the third season she gets a whiff of him lying its like she has nothing to give him the benefit of the doubt on. When in fact she does. She reduces him to a controlling and lying boyfriend, and yes pushes that idea onto El and it just rubs me in the wrong way. I was very upset with Max and how the writers where treating some moments like something to praise. El dumping Mike was sad and upsetting I didn't find it very funny, but hey that's just me. She had El spy on people esxpecliy the boys and I feel she really doesn't get many consequences for it. However Mike is treated like a monster after getting threatened by Hooper and lying about it. He should not have lied of course, I just don't feel like they got equal treatment for their actions, and yes I know there kids they are stupid at times. I can still call out bad behavior and warning flags.

Billy Hargrove

Billy was wasted potential on the writers part. His character is a very known presence in the last two seasons. When you find out about his past and El reaching out to him, I feel like him sacrificing himself for the group and living could have been such a good example of character growth and getting better, and I feel like his story was cut to short for how much time and effort was put into his character. He was bad yes very bad, but with this latest season you got to see little sparks of his character come out more, his good sides. Billy Hargrove was wasted potential and I really hope they hold the dad accountable for his abuse in the next season, and also the mom. She was a victim yes, but she should not have left her son with to be emotionally and I believe physically damaged by his dad. His death should have consequences that all parties need to hear and see. If they really brush him under the rug I'll be pretty upset.

Alexi

I love his character and I just miss him is all.

That is just some of my thoughts on the third season I hear people say is one of the poorly written seasons of Stranger Things. Has much as I love the things in it. It has some writing issues and characterization where I would have to agree.

Welp those are just some of my thoughts. Love them or hate them its is what it is at the end of the day. I hope whoever is reading this has a nice day. Peace

#stranger things #my thoughts #opinons

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torisfeather · 4 years

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Flufftober 4 - Fake Dating

Prompt by @vex-bittys

Read it on fanfiction.net or AO3

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Wooh, this one was not easy, but I managed to finish in time! It's the first time I'm writing fake dating, so I don't know if I did okay ^^'

Anyway, this one is Roman, Remus, Patton and Logan. So... Intruloroyality? I don't know at this point XD

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Okay, you've got this, Roman thought, that night, at the dinner table, and showed his best smile for his grandma.

He felt so awful, and it felt like everyone at the table could tell how uncomfortable he was. He couldn't even look at his brother or their friends, Patton and Logan, for too long.

Which was bad, because he was supposed to be Patton's boyfriend.

It had started maybe a month ago. When their obnoxious homophobic aunt Beth had tried to introduce them to yet another girl she knew – a coworker's daughter, or cousin, or sister, it didn't matter.

At that point, Roman almost believed she had selective deafness. He and Remus had told her, over and over again, that they were gay, didn't want to meet girls, especially not when she was planning dates for them. Aunt Beth was still 100% convinced this was just a phase and that they could be "fixed".

So when she brought another miss-what's-her-name to their place without their consent, Remus had cracked and yelled: "You can't stay because we're having a gay orgy with our boyfriends tonight!"

Roman had honestly thought that would be enough. Surely their aunt wasn't around his brother enough to be used to the gross nonsense he blabbered all the time.

But it hadn't deterred her. The orgy part, at least, she realized was just a joke. "You don't have boyfriends," she had said, her chin raised in contempt. "I would have known already! You're single and you can give a chance to Natalia here."

"No offense, miss," Roman had said at the lady, who just nodded, looked quite bored. "We are not single. We're dating… uh…"

"Logan and Patton!" Remus panicked.

"Uh, yeah! You know, our classmates?"

"I thought you said they were dating each other?" Aunt Beth said, suspicious.

"No, we said they were dating us! Have you had your hearing checked, Auntie?" Remus asked, and cackled when Aunt Beth gasped in outrage. "What if a bee got inside your ear and started making a nest inside your skull, and that's why you never hear us?"

"Well, I hope you're happy for wasting such a nice girl's time!" she had cried, and promptly vacated the place, followed by the girl.

The twins had high-fived each other and then the rest of the night was spent arguing over what movie they were going to watch to celebrate.

But it couldn't be that simple, right?

Because the twin's mother was very close to Aunt Beth, and so had questioned her sons when she heard about their "boyfriends". Roman and Remus's mom was way more tolerant than her relative, but she was also a gossiper and she couldn't know it was a lie, or she's rat them out immediately. So the twins told her the exact same lie.

Their mother of course told all of her side of the family, as well as their father, who told his side of the family, and now all of their relatives thought they were dating their childhood friends.

So that wasn't ideal, and Roman thought of coming clean, or at least "breaking up", but Remus won him over arguing as long as they believed that, their aunt and any other relatives would stop trying to set them up with people. Which, honestly? Worth it.

And then winter break happened.

Every winter break, the twins and their parents would fly a couple states north, where their grandparents lived, and spend the holidays there with the rest of their family. And it was always expected from the younger people to bring any significant other at least once during that time.

They could have said Logan and Patton were too busy or had other plans, but the twins' grandparents were so adamant they contacted Logan and Patton's own parents to ask for them to join the family reunion, and not knowing anything about the situation, they all agreed on one week.

When they told Logan and Patton what the whole deal was, they were surprisingly calm about it. Logan, especially, thought this was one solution. Patton, of course, bless his little heart, wanted to come clean and apologize, but after Remus begged him not to unleash their aunt on them again, he took pity and agreed.

So Patton would pretend to be Remus's boyfriend, and Logan would act as Roman's. What could go wrong?

Several things, actually. Starting with everyone's ability to act. Roman, of course, was fine on that part. He was a theater kid and he knew what romance looked like. Patton was also pretty good at being all lovey-dovey, except he tended to look nervously at Logan whenever Remus tried something, because he was scared of Logan being jealous.

And Remus tried a LOT. He was a pervert pretending to romance a grey-asexual. And it showed.

As for Logan, well, he wasn't uncomfortable with Roman's flirting, but…

"Roman, your existence is greatly appreciated."

… He was the WORST actor Roman had ever met.

Okay, fine! It was fine! Their relatives were all kind of dumb anyway. The twins' parents didn't notice anything during the trip, and so far it seemed the charade was working.

Except, as days went by, another problem arose.

Roman had probably flirted a little too much. Or maybe it was all the time spent together. Or maybe it was from sleeping in the same bed.

In any case, he had started crushing on Logan.

Okay, not just on Logan. Patton too.

Which was a big no-no. No, you don't get a crush on childhood friends who are already dating each other. Especially in a situation where they are away from home, and thus already vulnerable and/or uncomfortable.

But he couldn't help it. To be fair, he had always been very close with the two. Just not that close. Not enough to notice how cute Patton's sleepy bed-head was, or how gentle Logan was when he was hesitant or stressed, or how warm Patton was when he was hugging him in the morning, or how hot Logan was with his glasses off.

Now he couldn't look at them without thinking "what if", and feeling itty-bitty butterflies in his tummy.

And he was certain everyone in the house could tell. And that was not how he was supposed to act right now.

So he kept his head low, trying not to draw attention to himself, which was very unlike him. And that night, at the dinner table, the boys had had enough.

"I apologize for interrupting, but I believe I have misplaced my phone and I am waiting for a very important call. May I leave the table?"

"Oh, of course Logan," their grandmother had said.

Logan stood and looked at Roman. "Would you mind helping me, Roman?"

"Uh…"

"Come on, you two hurry up, okay?" his cousin said.

Logan grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the corridor and up the stairs. Once they were out of hearing distance, he stopped and turned to Roman. "Now, please tell me what is bothering you."

"What? Nothing! I'm great, let's go look for your stupid phone…"

"Roman, in the past two days you have displayed an increase in signs of stress, you are not doing 'great'. And also, the phone thing was a falsehood."

Roman rolled his eyes. "Logan, just because you took a psychology class doesn't allow you to analyze me, and for the last time, I am okay. Now let's go back."

"I don't think that's right…" Patton's voice said from behind him.

Roman turned around and grimaced as Patton and Remus joined them. "Guys, seriously, you're making a big deal out of nothing!"

"Hey, I didn't say anything!" Remus argued. "You do look like you stuck a lightbulb up your ass and you're scared of it breaking at any point and turning your insides into a bloody purée, though."

"Great, super helpful bro…" Roman sighed. They were all looking at him, and they couldn't spend too much time or someone would come find them, and he couldn't tell them or he'd just make everyone feel bad, and it was all too much. He angrily ran his hands in his hair, pulling a couple time, closing his eyes. What the fuck was he supposed to do?!

"Okay, okay, let's calm down first…" Patton said, and now his hands were on his arms, and he was being so gentle. Roman let the others guide him into the closest room and sit him on the bed. "Now, it's okay Roman, you can tell us…"

"No…" he said stubbornly.

"Roman, we will love you no matter what the problem is, you can trust us!" Patton insisted.

"I promise, it's if funny, I will only tease you about it for two weeks!... Maybe a month."

"Remus, please! Roman, I promise it's safe to tell us."

"And, if I may add," Logan said, "we will help with the best of our abilities if at all possible."

Roman grabbed the pillow next to him and screamed as hard as he could into it. Eventually, it made him feel calm enough to look up at all the worried faces around him. He muttered something into his pillow.

"Ah, sorry, can you repeat that?" Patton asked.

"… I'm crushing on you and Logan. There, I said it, happy?"

Logan and Patton were agape for a moment, but Remus just shrugged. "Pff, me too, you're not special."

"What?"

"Bro, have you seen Logan's bare chest? He looks like a nerdy Edward Cullen. And Patton is the best cuddler in the world."

"How the fuck can you be so calm about this?!"

"It's just feelings, nobody's dead yet!"

"Yet?!"

"Okay, time out!" Logan asked, clapping his hands like a preschool teacher. "I think we need to assess the situation step by step…"

And then he stopped, because Patton was kissing Roman with all of his uncontrolled impulse. Remus cheered and kissed Logan, and for about two minutes there were nothing but kissing noises and sighs in the small room.

"So, um, does that mean you guys also…" Roman started, when his mouth was free again.

"For literal months," Logan admitted.

"That's so much time we have to make up for!" Remus cried.

"Agreed," Patton said, blushing. "We, um… We should go back, everyone's still waiting."

Roman's eyes widened and he fell back on the bed dramatically, hiding his face in his hands. "How the fuck are we going to tell them?!"

#flufftober 2020 #fake dating #fanfiction #sanders sides #ts roman #ts remus #ts patton #ts logan #fluff #tw homophobia #polyship

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denrbough · 5 years

Text

In defense of bill denbrough

I don't have the room for screenshots (I tried to make them a gif of a slideshow but it kept crashing Tumblr bc huge files) but I'll sum up a few things I want to clear up in this

People thinking that Bill chose to be in charge of the losers to be bossy

Him wanting to leave Eddie in the sewers just because

That he was selfish

That he didn't have important problems ig?? Or that his story was uninteresting??

I want to talk about his perseverance despite a bad home life

And how the losers love him, if the losers you love can love him, you can too

And my last point is about how most people think somehow that Bill would be at all discriminatory??

I have bits and pieces from the book for all the claims and more coming below; I reread the whole book for this but kept what seemed most important to bring up

First; I'm going to start with how Bill didn't actually choose to be in charge, he didn't want to boss people around. It was clear in him and also sometimes noticed by the other losers, notably Eddie:

Eddie notices twice that the whole leadership thing is taking a major toll on Bill's physical and emotional health. That and Bill doesn't want to be the planner and the leader. He thinks he's a freak and he doesn't think he knows what he's doing. They nominated him as leader from a young age. He couldn't control that. (In order to preserve image quality and go into more detail on specific screenshots I will be making individual metas on each of my bullet points, this is just the large post where I vent my issues with the fandom perception)

Next I'd like to debunk the assumption that Bill wanted to leave Eddie in the sewers. He didn't, he wanted to come out alive with the others who still had a chance at making it. If you want further to analyze this, it can be brought up that Richie and Bev didn't want Bill to take Audra's alive body from the sewers despite us all saying Bill is the asshole for not being able to carry Eddie out.

In fact, Bev and Ben were the ones to originally suggest leaving Eddie. And to further that, Bev yelled at Bill for trying to get the living human out as well. Bev's motivations were more rushed and selfish, but Bill had the overarching goal of getting them all out.

That segways nicely into a point I'd like to make about how Bill genuinely was the most determined to kill It and not just for his own reasons, he thought of the other kids who might die several times while the other losers like to gloss over that:

When Richie went to go see the horror picture, he decided to pretend Bill's fingers hadn't almost been cut off. Put it off as a joint hallucination. And direct quote "besides there was no law saying he had to spend the next ten years thinking about it, was there? Nope"

If Bill hadn't pleaded with Richie to help, Richie would have had no intention of trying to get rid of It and save the other kids, even after Richie had to watch his friend get injured firsthand.

Stan was the same, not wanting to end up in the "nuthouse" on juniper hill. But Bill's motivation to save the town pulled even the most hesitant losers in to help.

And it's not just saving the kids from pennywise. No, he initiated a fight with Bowers not even knowing that his friends would join him and help, all to help a kid that he didn't even know. Mike Hanlon.

Not only was he the most determined, but in regards to pennywise trauma, he already had something very lasting to deal with as far as his mental health. His parents were neglectful and his brother was dead, and he kept on trying regardless. He was depressed, which is very clear in the book.

There's the point when he's getting Eddie's inhaler and it states "just as if Ben would be astounded if you asked him if he was lonely, Bill would have been likewise astounded if asked if he was courting death."

The narration makes it abundantly clear that Ben is lonely and always has been, which symbolises here that Bill is clearly suicidal, even if not actively, he does try to die/do things to harm himself with no intention of stopping.

This passage was heartbreaking. His fear in this scene was that everyone would forget about him, like his parents did, and like Georgie was gone. It's all his fault, he decides, and he thinks he deserves to be punished but he's still fully terrified of what he thinks he deserves.

In that note, his parents were neglectful, which affected him consistently in his thought process.

He wouldn't finish dinner because he couldn't stand to sit with them when they were so cold with him.

Mike mentions as adults that Bill practiced that poem so much because Bill wanted so badly for his mom to think he's a good boy. Bill cried at this, again as an adult.

He wanted to take pennywise's severed head to his parents and talk about how he'd avenged Georgie and "would they please finally talk to him"

He even thinks one point about how his parents are so caught up in their grief that he wonders if they know he's hurting, or if he's being reckless.

But unlike Sharon and Zack Denbrough. The losers were smitten with him. There's several passages of the losers talking about how much he means to them or how good he is.

Not to mention that Bill is the only one Bev told about her abusive father. She told him and he coaxed it out of her to let herself say she hated him, which is a huge turning point in the development of the way she views evil.

On a whole new thread of thought, I'd like to bring up how the fandom likes to pretend that Bill would be the most discriminatory loser?? I have a whole other meta to write about comparing losers in that way but Bill very clearly had the least ill intent towards minorities.

He met Mike and Mike was scared he'd ask questions about what it was like to be black, but Bill just asked him about baseball, and this comforted Mike. There's also when Richie is teaching Eddie about syphilis and how men and women get it from fucking, and Bill jumps in to say "unless it's two guys who are queer" and he had no malace or upset towards gay men, he just found it important to include in the conversation, which could be a nod to Bill accepting Eddie as gay, or even being mlm himself because it was a quick thought to have if it wasn't something prevalent in his life. He knows the shopkeep where he got silver the second time was gay, and was apologetic for scaring him, mentally acknowledging the hate crime

If you read this whole thing you deserve a prize for being a champ bc I'm more long winded than Stephen King himself Anna oop-

#lo rambles #meta #the truth #more in depth metas on each topic to come #bill denbrough #eddie kaspbrak #richie tozier #beverly marsh #stanley uris #it novel #it stephen king #it 2019 #bros pls rb this took me two weeks total

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tj-hearteyes-kippen · 5 years

Text

looking for love in all the wrong places

a soulmate au where everything you lose ends up in your soulmate’s possession somehow (on ao3 here)

or: a few times Cyrus was a disaster gay and one time he was still a disaster gay but differently

or: solemates

Cyrus wasn’t disorganized, per say. Just a little… absent minded. That’s what he was going to call it. His water bottle would slide out of his bag without him noticing until he got home, or he would get too caught up in some conversation to remember his pencil case on his desk. Never big things, just useful ones. He hoped his soulmate appreciated it, cause he’d lost a number of really nice pens.

Cyrus had gotten small hints to his soulmate’s personality, little things that showed up in his room or in his bag that certainly didn’t belong to him. When he was younger, sometime in elementary school, he’d freaked out a little when he thought it was Buffy. He loved her, for sure, but he knew they weren’t meant to be together like that. He’d brought the running shoe to school in a panic, shoving it in Buffy’s face as soon as she got there. “You didn’t happen to lose this, did you? It was in my closet this morning and I know it’s not mine.”

She wasn’t phased. “No, mine dont look like that. Besides,” she said, wrinkling her nose a little, “that looks like a boy’s shoe.”

So. An athletic boy probably. Cyrus could work with that.

He had tried to “accidentally” misplace the shoe later that day so his soulmate could have it back, but the universe didn’t work quite like that. He always found the shoe right where he left it, and he eventually just gave up and brought it back home. He put it in the wicker basket where he kept all of his soulmate’s things, tucked in the corner of his room by his desk.

When Cyrus and Jonah had first met, it was really easy for Cyrus to get a little carried away. For as long as he knew that his soulmate was probably an athletic boy, he didn’t really have any guy friends. But Jonah was a boy, and he played ultimate, and he was really cute and nice and Cyrus would have really loved for Jonah to be his soulmate.

Andi’s soulmate never lost anything that gave her particularly good clues as to who they might be. So it was a little unfair of Cyrus, but he never put a lot of stock into Andi’s crushes. It didn’t really mean anything that she liked Jonah. Not if Cyrus didn’t want it to.

Buffy was generally pretty tight lipped about her soulmate and whatever crushes she did or didn't have, which gave Cyrus’s imagination a lot of room to work. Cyrus would never tell her for fear of death, but when they first met TJ he thought for a second that he could have been her soulmate. He had told Andi this one day and she made him swear to keep that thought to himself. “She would have bothyour heads on a spike. Besides,” she said, turning her nose up slightly, “Buffy deserves better than that jerk.” Cyrus agreed, mostly, but he hadn’t met TJ yet. Once he met TJ though, things were a little different. Cyrus couldn’t explain it. He just knew there was something about TJ that everyone else was missing. He wanted to figure it out.

Anyways, Buffy was less pressed about analyzing the clues and finding her soulmate at this age. She was always trying to be the voice of reason for Andi and Cyrus, reminding them that things would just happen when they were meant to. That was a completely reasonable and logical approach and it was also way less fun. Why would the universe even bother with all these clues if not to overanalyze them?

It wasn't even a particularly dramatic moment, in reality, when Cyrus learned for sure that he had been a little off base. Jonah had reached into his pocket for something, probably his phone, and came back out with a tube of chapstick instead. Chapstick that Cyrus had certainly never owned and therefore couldn’t have lost. “Soulmate,” Jonah laughed. “They lose stuff like this all the time.”

Cyrus laughed along politely but he felt a little crushed inside. It had been reckless to let himself think it could have been Jonah, really, and in the long run it was probably better to find out sooner rather than later. It still sucked.

He pretended to get a text from his mom so he could go home. “Bye Cy-guy!” Jonah said in his usual chipper way, completely unaware of what Cyrus was feeling.

“See ya.” He said back numbly and then went home to lie face down on his bed for the rest of the day. He called up Buffy, later, and admitted the whole situation to her despite his embarrassment.

“It really felt like I was meant to meet him, you know? Now I just feel like I got way too attached to the idea of having him in my life.”

“Sometimes I think the universe gives us people we’re meant to keep who aren’t our soulmates. Like you, me, and Andi. You guys are still friends, Cy. That doesn't have to change.”

“I know. I just thought…”

“I know.”

So. Cyrus was never letting himself do that again.

It wasn’t even that hard to not do it again, once he got over Jonah. He mostly hung out with the same people all the time and he probably would have noticed if it was one of them, he figured.

Instead, Cyrus chose to spend his time imagining the moment he and his soulmate finally found each other. In his head he was very suave and he could only hope that all of this practice being dramatic and romantic would pay off in reality. Maybe it was for the best he hadn't found his soulmate yet. He probably would have said something dumb.

Not to say that he completely stopped thinking about who it might be. Every time they were at one of TJ’s games Cyrus would look at all the boys on both teams and decide if he thought it could be any of them. He was not ogling, despite what Buffy and Andi said.

(Ok, maybe just a little bit of ogling. All he's saying is if the universe wasn't there to pick an athletic boy for him he probably would've done it himself.)

In the end he was really there for TJ though, not his teammates. “Underdog!” TJ said happily as he bounded over after the game. He moved to give Cyrus a hug, but Cyrus was faster than that.

“Uh, no thanks, sweaty basketball guy.”

TJ gave him an exaggerated pout. “But I played so well!”

“Which I will reward you for after you’ve showered.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” TJ said, then noticed Buffy and Andi standing off to the side. “Buffy, Andi,” he gave them a bro nod, “thanks for coming.”

Once TJ had made his way back to the locker room and plans for a post-game meal at The Spoon had been settled, Buffy gave Cyrus a look. “Careful,” she said, and Cyrus genuinely had no idea what she was talking about. He said as much, and Buffy just raised her eyebrows and shook her head, getting ready to head out. “Nevermind. We’ll meet you guys there, yeah?”

Cyrus knew there was more to TJ than everyone initially thought, but it still surprised him sometimes when TJ would show off an unexpected new layer. A freshly showered TJ was at The Spoon talking animatedly about this book he’d been reading, and book nerd is not something Cyrus ever would have pegged TJ for. The author of the book he had been talking about sounded familiar, too, but Cyrus couldn't place them. He told TJ this and TJ just shrugged. “I mean, I’ve probably talked about them before. I love their work, so.”

It wasn’t until he got home that day that he realized where he knew the name from. Cyrus’s soulmate had lost a book by that author before! He thought, a little ridiculously, that he was glad TJ and his soulmate would have stuff in common so they could be friends. TJ had become pretty important to Cyrus, so it would suck if he had to play mediator like he used to have to do with TJ and Buffy.

The next morning got off to an unfortunate start, which is how Cyrus should have known that the universe had shenanigans in store for him that day.

Rats he thought as he rummaged through his bag, realizing his snack had disappeared somehow. As usual, he hoped his soulmate was grateful. They should really thank him when they finally meet. Cyrus only lost stuff that could be useful to anyone. (Except that time he blessed them with a mud soaked shoe, but he liked to pretend that didn’t happen). His soulmate, on the other hand, managed to lose an entire basketball last week. How does one lose a basketball? What was Cyrus even supposed to do with a basketball? He shook his head and headed towards the vending machine to get a replacement snack before his next class.

“Hey,” TJ said, sliding into his usual seat next to Cyrus right before the bell rang. Cyrus smiled at him and then turned his attention towards their teacher.

At the end of the period she explained their homework before dismissing the class. TJ gently kicked Cyrus’s shoes. “Want to work on that together after school?”

Cyrus’s legs were not long enough to kick TJ back from where he was sitting. “Sure! My house?”

“Perfect! Later, Underdog.”

Cyrus knew that he and TJ were always the face of focus when they worked together so he anticipated incredible amounts of productivity from the two of them that afternoon.

...Okay, so maybe the homework had gotten slightly derailed.

TJ was sitting on the floor sifting through the drawers in Cyrus’s desk while Cyrus was trying to make increasingly complicated paper airplanes to throw at TJ’s head. “Hey,” TJ said, apparently out of drawers, “What’s in here?”

Cyrus looked up to see TJ peeking into the wicker basket. “That’s where I keep my soulmate’s stuff.”

“Oh,” TJ sat back. “Sorry, I should have asked before I looked.”

“No, I don’t care. Go ahead.”

Cyrus focused back on his airplane. He gave it a test throw and it turned and went to the side of the room. He got up to get it from the floor.

“Hey, I used to have a pair of shoes just like this! One of them fell out of my bag though and and I could never find it…” TJ trailed off before looking up at Cyrus in stunned silence.

Cyrus turned to see TJ holding the shoe from his soulmate basket and froze. TJ? It couldn’t be. But then he thought about it. TJ was athletic. TJ was a boy. TJ was an athletic boy that Cyrus had an unexplainable bond with since the moment they met and suddenly it all made sense. He wanted to kick himself for being so caught up on Jonah when he met TJ that he had forgotten to overanalyze such an obvious candidate.

TJ was sitting on the floor with the shoe still in hand, frozen in place. He was always cute but the doe eyed look of shock was really, really cute.

Every coherent thought Cyrus had suddenly chose to vacate his head. “Uhhh,” he started and then paused, trying to think of something clever to say. TJ was his soulmate. They would remember this moment forever. “You're welcome,” is what his mouth settled on without consulting his brain.

That was enough to shake TJ out of his stupor, his eyes lighting up as Cyrus could feel his face heating. He slowly put the shoe down next to him and leaned forward with delight. “I’m sorry, did you just say ‘You’re welcome?’”

“Um, no?” Cyrus said, but it was too late. The damage had been done. Cyrus couldn’t believe himself. All that practice and for what?

TJ was way too amused by the whole thing. He had a big, stupid grin on his face as he said, “I mean you’re great and all but that’s pretty confident to assume I would thank you for the honour of being your soulmate.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Cyrus tried to salvage his dignity even though it was long gone and he could tell TJ was just messing with him. “I just meant-- because I lost some pretty good--”

TJ shrugged, cutting him off. “I mean, I would though. I think I got pretty lucky.”

Cyrus warmed at that a little and let the reality of the situation sink in for the first time since he opened his stupid mouth. Soulmates. Soulmates. “TJ, thats… I did too. Hold on, I want to say something really sappy but I need a minute to think before I speak, apparently.”

“Just come here,” TJ said with a laugh and wrapped his arms around Cyrus after he sulked over. Cyrus rested a hand on TJ’s chest and looked up at him, suddenly shy.

“Hi,” TJ said softly.

“Hi,” he said back.

Cyrus forgot to indulge in all of his cliche love story fantasies like counting TJ’s freckles and looking for the flecks in TJ’s eyes as TJ leaned in. Instead, he let his eyes slip shut as TJ pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

At school the next morning Cyrus was excitedly telling Andi and Buffy about how magical it all was when TJ himself came over and threw an arm around Cyrus, handing him a muffin. Cyrus looked up at him happily. Forever. The universe decided he gets to have this forever. Cyrus leaned into his side a little. “Thank you.”

TJ couldn't hold back his grin and Cyrus figured that he was having a similar moment. That is, until he looked Cyrus in the eyes with a wink and very deliberately said, “You're welcome.” Cyrus groaned and buried his head into TJ’s chest. Yup, he did this to himself. He did this to himself and now he was stuck with it forever.

He was looking forward to it.

#andi mack #tj kippen #cyrus goodman #tyrus #once again we play the fun game:#will this show up in the tag?#fic stuff

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mittensmorgul · 7 years

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1/2 It's funny to me how Dean's bisexuality is like a puzzle piece. Individually, it's easy to say that each moment means nothing, and I feel that that happens a lot. But put all the pieces together? You got a pattern. A complete picture. I also like to play "would it be weird?" or "Is it unique?" As applied to dean and cas's interactions. Would it be weird for Dean to act this way to Sam or look at him that way? If yes, it might be more than brotherly love he feels for Cas.

2/2 Or, is this action unique to Cas or has Dean done this for/to/with his other friends? If not, again, you might need to ask yourself if what Dean feels for Cas is not what he feels for Sam or his friends.

YES. THIS. And it’s this pattern, this complete picture, that we’ve put together and tacked little shorthand notes to, like, “PIE VS CAKE” or “BI PLAID” or “GAY VEGETABLE WATER.” Because there is so much behind each of those shorthand notes that we’ve all discussed and analyzed and boiled down to these simple sounding concepts.

And I know this isn’t directly about your messages, and I promise to get to that, because I have yet another “test” to be applied to these situations that I find useful... but I gotta say this bit first. :)

This applies to SO MUCH meta analysis, and how we discuss and refer to VAST concepts that have been meta’d into the ground over the years. I’ve recently run into misunderstandings with folks discovering some of the old meta during the hellatus, when I’ve started tagging things with old meta tags again. Because *I* understand the shorthand, because I watched all these conversations happen in real-time over a period of years and have sort of internalized these concepts the same way we’ve internalized the bi!Dean shorthand concepts. So I’ve seen this happen in entirely unrelated bits of meta, so I know it’s not JUST an understanding of the bigger picture of Dean’s characterization. Which I found really fascinating, and it’s a good reminder that what I’ve accepted as unambiguous and stuck a bunch of weird shorthand labels on, others might have difficulty groking the much wider meaning behind.

Okay, that having been said... You’re absolutely right. Individual instances might be argued away, or rationalized out of context, or ignored as an anomaly, but the fact it keeps happening over and over and over again... at what point does it start to look like an exercise in futility to try and find alternate explanations for so much evidence? Yeah. :P

Would it be weird for Dean to make Sam a mixtape? Is it unique for Dean to openly discuss his feelings with Cas?

So in addition to “would it be weird” and “is it unique,” I’d like to offer, “How would it look if Cas was a woman?” Which is a horrifying proposition, but heteronormativity is a thing. For some people, this actually helps overcome it.

How would it look if Dean stared into a woman’s eyes like that? How would it look if Dean had been so single-minded worrying about a woman the way he worried about Cas in 12.20? How would it look if Dean had placed numerous phone calls and left numerous messages for a woman?

Or given a woman this look:

or this one:

I mean... All three of those would make me feel HIGHLY uncomfortable if they were directed at Sam, so there’s your first test passed. :P

These reactions aren’t particularly unique, per se, but really, who else has Dean ever reacted to in even remotely similar ways?

I mean, example #1 up there kinda maybe looks a little bit like how he reacted to Lisa after she’d been possessed by a demon and been forced to stab herself. But it’s not an exact match. He was a little bit busy trying to keep her alive, trying to get Ben to help get them all out of there, and feeling guilty for having brought her into this mess by her association with him in the first place. So... I guess this one can also be filed under “is it unique,” because very. :P

Example #2 I’ve seen a parallel gif to Dean admiring a waitress in the opening scenes of 1.03. So I’m calling that one for “would it be weird,” even if it doesn’t fall under “is it unique.” But apply test #3, “what would it look like if Dean reacted to a woman that way,” and we have our answer:

DEAN: You know, Sam, we are allowed to have fun once in a while.DEAN points to WENDY walking away; she's wearing short shorts.DEAN: That's fun.[...]SAM rolls his eyes. WENDY walks by, distracting DEAN.

Yes, she distracted him into a move that’s essentially identical to the infamous boner scene. So tell me how it’s intended to convey something different when he’s reacting to Cas than when he’s reacting to Wendy?

Example #3 there, Dean’s seeing Cas for the first time in at least several weeks. Dean had stood outside staring at him through the window, debating whether or not (or maybe HOW) to approach Cas, and he eventually decided to try and surprise him. Meanwhile, Misha had been given the instruction to play this entire scene as “a jilted lover.” So, I mean... I don’t understand how what they’re portraying is in any way unclear. :P

The entire episode would’ve been creepy if Sam had been in Cas’s role. Like, horrifyingly creepy. So it definitely passes the “would it be weird” test. The “is it unique” goes pretty much without saying. But in this episode, if Cas had been replaced in this storyline with a woman, there would’ve been a sex scene where we got the fanfic gap.

And I said at the top of this post that I personally DETEST the “what would it look like if Dean did this with a woman” argument, but it does seem to put things into perspective for the recalcitrant heteronormatives.

And these are just three examples off the top of my head. Put in context of the entirety of their interactions, and yeah...

Oh, and since I mentioned Dean’s reactions at the beginning of 12.20, have a few bonus shots of Dean acting in ways that are unique over Cas:

Not to mention calling his mom just to talk because he’s “spun out” over some things (i.e. the thing he had tried to talk about with Sam, but Sam had nothing to offer him that helped... Dean literally called his mom to talk about his feelings over the whole Cas situation because he’s that worried... I mean...)

#dean winchester is bilingual #destiel #and yeah all these examples i used are ABOUT Cas #but i could've pulled examples about other dudes #we all just thought of a list of at least a dozen different dudes dean's interacted with over the years right?#i think the whole point of this post is that we no longer have to spell out the entire history of this every time we make a new post #pointing out yet another detail to add to the vast pile of details we've already assembled here :P #which only serves to make each successive round of 'but it could be platonic!' seem more and more ridiculous #sure out of context of all the other 'it could be platonic!' moments that one incident might not seem terribly significant #but it's not just that one incident... it's hundreds of them #you have to be living in a very very deep well of denial to think it's even remotely credible to explain away ALL of them #Anonymous

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plastiscguy-blog · 7 years

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BLACKOUT (Thiam) Chapter VI: The Shiniest Star.

Once the winter holidays officially arrived, the Christmas spirit could be felt in every corner of the college. The Christmas decorations, the scarce but expected snow and even the gifts that some gave each other, before leaving to their respective homes.

The Christmas spirit was everywhere, except in the room Theo Raeken and Liam Dunbar shared. That lovely feeling of union was as far away as possible from them.

Everything had changed since that night, none had spoked a word. Theo was angry and hurt. Why hadn’t Liam trusted him? Weren’t they supposed to be friends? Didn’t friends have to tell each other everything? He felt betrayed, in some way. While Liam was silent. He swallowed his feelings as he always had, although, the pain was still in everyone's sight. The pain was still in their eyes.

While the residence was almost empty, Liam tried to warm up his body by drinking one of the glasses of espresso coffee Kira bought for both. They were walking along the great stone road, seeing how the trees that used to be big and green were now just dry branches covered with snow.

"Have you packed yet?" Liam asked, wincing after burning his tongue with the drink.

Kira denied, clarifying that she wouldn’t go home that year. "I'm Jewish, Liam." And to Liam's surprise, Kira smiled. "I know, a Jewish Asian."

"It's not that ... It's just that I thought you had some similar holiday."

"Oh. Hanukkah, yes." Liam threw his empty cardboard cup into the nearest basket, sitting next to Kira in the cold seat. "Well, anyway, there is no Hanukkah for my family this year. You know, they're still upset about me accepting the scholarship."

Liam nodded, feeling bad for his friend. But at least he wouldn’t be the only one who would be alone on Christmas. His grandmother would be out of the country and he couldn’t let her spend a single penny more on him. That also meant he had to find a job as soon as possible. Maybe Kira could get him a job at the club? It would be best to dodge Theo at nights. After what happened, he couldn’t stand the looks of hatred anymore.

And after the brief talk, both returned to their respective rooms. Kira, on the one hand, said goodbye to her roommate, while Liam was on his bed, looking at the wall. Not knowing what else to do. It was very cold outside and he had no homework to do. He hated being used to the fact that Theo was his only best friend, now he was alone. And that hurt too much.

Meanwhile, Theo tried to disguise the nerves of spending the first Christmas with his mother after what happened almost two years ago. How would he pretend that everything was fine? Because nothing was fine anymore. Not even his friendship with Liam, which it was the only good thing that had happened to him in a while.

With furtive glances, he analyzed every movement of Liam. He was dying to talk to him and he knew that he was maybe overreacting about what happened. After all, it wasn’t such a big deal. But he couldn’t help but feel betrayed. However, for Liam, it was in fact silly. Of course, now he felt confused because he had never considered his sexuality before. He never questioned himself about it. He believed that, as an artist, admiring both feminine and masculine beauty was completely normal, but now he supposed he was wrong. And that tormented him. Who was he really?

"Liam!" They both suddenly heard the door open. Theo quickly covered his semi-nakedness, uncomfortable to see Kira in front of him. "It's a true Christmas miracle! Or a Hanukkah one!" She smiled, not holding back the emotion.

Liam stifled a small laugh, getting up. Seeing Theo look at the girl, embarrassed, he hurried to get her out of the room. "First, take a breath. Or you will drown." He advised while Kira nodded, still smiling.

"It’s my parents! They called me! And they said that they regretted everything that happened and that... Oh My God, Liam! My parents will come! "She shrieked and quickly hugged her friend, holding back tears of happiness. Liam, imitated the action, guilty for not being able to feel happy for his friend. He admitted feeling melancholy and envy.

"I'm so happy for you, Kira." He smiled, sad. "All right! What are you waiting for? Go buy some gifts for them!”

And Kira nodded as she ran to her room through tears and giggles of emotion. Liam let out a sigh, leaning back against the wall. It was at that moment that he realized that he had never closed the door and that Theo had witnessed the scene, especially his expression of sadness.

It was in vain to try to clean the tear that had slid down his cheek, it was in vain to pretend that everything was fine. He couldn’t pretend anymore.

"Mom always cooks a lot of turkeys," Theo whispered, over the doorframe. He couldn’t let his pride get between their friendship. The holidays were for family to be together, and what he wanted most was for Liam to have one. He wanted to be Liam's family. "Would you like to go home with me?"

"I thought you hated me."

"I could never hate you." he confessed, honestly.

And they both smiled, without saying another word.

After the short flight, Liam admired the spectacular scenery of the city of San Francisco, now through the window of the taxi. His mouth was half open, looking at the giant buildings. Theo smiled at how innocent his friend looked. San Francisco wasn’t similar at all to the small boring town of Georgia from which he was.

"Close your mouth, so no flies will get in." Theo laughed, catching Liam's attention. He laughed, blushing.

"I’m sorry. I must look like a peasant visiting the city for the first time."

"Well, sometimes you dress as one." Theo whispered, loud enough for Liam to hear. He, however, ignored the joke. All his attention was in the city.

On the other hand, the house of the Raekens was far from the city, located in the residential neighbourhood. After an hour and a half, both arrived and Liam felt self-conscious. Although Theo was not a millionaire, his house made Liam’s look like a pigsty.

"Welcome to hell." Theo sighed, turning the key in the bolt. The smell of freshly baked food flooded the boy's nostrils, who looked embarrassed to admit that the strange sounds came from his stomach. "Come. I will introduce you to my mother. "

Liam nodded, letting himself be guided by the older guy. The place was huge, even more inside. Not even he knew the works of art that accompanied the expensive decoration.

There was a huge painting with the image of Theo next to a woman and a man in the main room. Liam assumed that it was the typical family portrait.

"Mom?" Theo called, entering the kitchen. Liam smiled nervously, staying by the arch of the door. The kitchen was luxurious and he was surprised to see that it was the mother of his friend who was cooking and not a professional cook as he would have imagined.

The woman stifled a cry of emotion, running to hug her son, still with dirty hands. Theo laughed, disgusted at the smell of raw turkey in his mother's hands. "Honey, thank God you're here!"

"Are you making three turkeys?" He laughed, curious. The woman nodded, explaining that they would take food to the homeless shelter later. Liam was surprised to see that Theo’s mother was indeed, kindly. He supposed it was hard not to be prejudiced after everything Theo told him about his family. Liam wondered then if Jessica’s attitude was different because of her ex-husband. "Oh, sorry. I forgot. I've brought a friend, mom. He's Liam." Theo introduced his friend who was still hiding in a corner. Liam smiled, greeting the woman who smiled with kindness and concern.

"Oh, honey! Why didn’t you tell me you'd bring a friend?" Theo shrugged. It was something that, although he had planned to do, after what happened, he stopped considering it. "The guest room is already occupied. Your cousin Scott is here."

And Theo bit his tongue before releasing a curse, smiling just for the sake of education. "Oh great."

And that was like a bucket of ice water. The tension could be felt in the atmosphere and it was even worse during lunch. It was clear that Theo wasn’t happy about the news. He could say that he even felt hatred for his cousin and no matter how much Liam tried to understand why, he couldn’t. What could Scott have done to generate such hatred in someone like Theo?

"It's delicious, Mrs. Raeken." Liam said, trying to create conversation. The woman smiled, grateful.

“Aren’t you going to say anything, honey?" Jessica asked. Theo smiled sideways.

"Do you really want my opinion? I thought you only cared about Scottie’s." He mocked his mother's voice by mentioning his cousin's name. Jessica let out a tired sigh, keeping silent. Liam imitated the action, dedicating himself to only eat.

Once the awkward lunch was over, Theo had almost dragged Liam outside. If they couldn’t go back to college until the holidays were over, at least he’d try to be out of the house as much as possible.

The snow had stopped falling and the warm sun warmed their bodies slowly. Theo would greet his neighbours from time to time, while Liam tried to find a way to talk about what happened. It was something that was still pending to discuss.

"I'm sorry," he said then, in a low voice. Theo nodded, narrowing his eyes. "I should have told you. It's just… I don’t know.”

"It's my fault. I shouldn’t have reacted that way." He replied back, apologizing. "I guess it bothered me the fact that you didn’t trust me, you know? But I guess it's not your fault anyway, it must have been not easy for you so... I'm sorry." Liam nodded, grateful that Theo seemed willing to forget what had happened. All he wanted was to make the passes and move on. "I just want you to trust me. And know that if you ever need to talk about something, you can count on me. You know--- I don’t care if you are gay, or whatever you are, really. Nothing will change between us." He smiled, placing an arm around Liam's shoulder. "As long as you don’t start dating Brett Talbot. Seriously, that guy is an idiot. With his arrogant dancer’s attitude..." Liam laughed at his friend's disgusted expression, he did it every time he talked about someone he didn’t like.

"Don’t worry, he's not my type." Said Liam, he didn’t even know what was his type.

After the brief conversation, both seemed more relaxed. Not everything would return to normal so easily, but that had been a good start.

At least now they could look each other in the eye.

As they approached the park, both began to make random jokes. Liam still wanted to ask about his cousin, but he wasn’t sure if it would be prudent. However, the answer seemed to be closer than he thought. "Watch out!" They heard a worried voice. And the instant they turned around, Liam took the ball that was aimed directly at his face. As much as he and Theo were surprised by the minor's reflexes. “Are you okay? I'm so sorry." A dark-haired boy apologized, walking towards to them. Liam's eyes were distracted admiring the athletic body of the boy to notice the expression of concern he had. However, before Liam could even answer, a roar of annoyance from Theo caught his attention. "Hello, dear cousin." Liam opened his mouth slightly, surprised.

"Scott..." he then whispered the name. Scott smiled, winking at Liam.

"The one and only, and you are…?"

And Liam smiled, without notice how annoyed Theo seemed to be. At both.

The hours passed and the night arrived. After the visit of the homeless shelter, they were back at Theo’s home while Liam tried to understand why his friend held such a grudge against his cousin, Scott.

Scott wasn’t just stupidly sexy. He was actually nice and kind, much more than his cousin. And even if the arrogance seemed to be a family thing, there was something about him that made it unimportant. Liam hated to admit it, but he felt really attracted to Scott. And Theo's jealousy was more than remarkable, would Scott try to steal his friend from him as he had done with his parents? Like had he tried to do with his girlfriend?

"It's interesting. I've always been interested in art, but sports are really my thing." Scott smiled.

“I can see.” Liam giggled, looking at Scott’s body. They were in the living room. In front of the fireplace, reclining on the carpet talking about random stuff.

While Jessica had gone to bed early, Theo watched his friend from the corner, fall for the charms of his disgusting cousin. He didn’t want to get angry again, but Liam was giving him a hundred million reasons to get more than angry. "Have you ever painted someone? I could be your model, someday." Scott suggested, still smiling coquettishly.

Liam laughed embarrassed, watching Theo look at them from a corner with fury. "It would be interesting," he whispered, getting up. "But I think now it's time to sleep, though. It's been a pleasure meeting you, Scott. "

"Oh, believe me, the pleasure has been mine." The dark-haired replied, waving goodbye. Theo started walking upstairs, without even waiting for Liam. He almost ran, following his friend who despite the calls didn’t stop walking.

"Theo, wait!" Liam called again, agitated. As much as he wanted to, he couldn’t walk too fast without losing his breath and that house looked like a giant labyrinth for Theo to leave him on his own.

"Why don’t you go sleep in Scottie's room?!" Theo shouted, entering his room.

Liam watched him throw himself to the bed, his gaze toward the ceiling. His chest contracted, with each breath he gave. He wasn’t only agitated but also really exalted. He seemed nervous.

"What are you talking about, Theo?" No matter how hard he tried to understand the sudden change of mood, he couldn’t. Had he done something wrong? He knew that Theo hated his cousin, but he didn’t believe that what he considered a friendly talk was a source of so much anger.

"It's what he always does." Theo hated talking about it, but he had no choice. He knew that only with Liam could he be honest with himself, even if it meant showing weakness. "There's a reason why I never want to come home, Liam... and that's because I don’t have any."

After the divorce of his parents, his father had never communicated with him. And even though Theo preferred it that way, it was painful to know that his father didn’t even care about him. On the other hand, his mother seemed to have completely forgotten about his existence. And that Scott was there, it only made things worse. It seemed that Jessica sometimes preferred Scott as her son. Theo felt lonely. Theo was lonely. "Scott has been always the star of the family, everyone prefers him."

Liam, not knowing what to say or do, walked slowly to Theo's bed, sitting on the tip of the bed. Afraid to say or do something inappropriate, he smiled, playing with his hands. "You are the shiniest star of all, Raeken." He honestly confessed in whispers.

A long silence echoed in the room until Theo finally spoke. "You just say it because you're my friend and want to make me feel good." He didn’t want to admit that what Liam had said had been what he had always wanted to hear and never had. Until now.

Liam, on the other hand, wondered if it had really been a good idea to say that. "I said it because I think so." He replied, getting out of bed and walking towards the makeshift bed on the floor where he would sleep.

Theo nodded, without saying another word. He felt confused and more confused at not knowing why.

Liam was silent and after the brief and simple greeting of goodnight, both resigned themselves to sleep. However, that feeling of strangeness between them remained all night, creating an inexplicable tension.

It was Christmas Eve at early morning when Liam was in front of the fireplace, lost in his thoughts.

During the previous day, neither he nor Theo had shared more than one word and everyone could notice the unexplained tension between them. Even them, but they feared what could happen if they talked about it.

Luckily for Theo, Scott would leave early that morning after receiving a sudden call from his mother. However, Liam was still ashamed of having acted so oddly with Scott, who certainly didn’t deserve a bad treatment at least form him. Whatever was between him and Theo, it was theirs. However, there was something that made Liam not feel comfortable, and it was the fact that he knew Scott somehow hurt Theo.

"What are you doing here at this hour?" Scott asked, carrying suitcases while walking towards the living room.

"I couldn't sleep." Liam replied.

"You can go sleep in the guest room now if you want." Scott said, implying that he would soon be leaving. Liam shrugged. His insomnia wasn't due to the room in which he slept, but to the date in which they were. It would be the first Christmas that he would celebrate without at least a member of his family. He couldn't help but feel like a stranger. "If you don't get away, you could roast," joked Scott, sitting next to Liam in front of the fireplace. Liam smiled, saddened. "At least you smiled." It had been only two days since they had met and Scott could feel the abrupt change from one day to the next.

"I'm sorry if I've been rude. It’s just Theo---"

Scott shrugged, shrugging it off. He was accustomed. "I get it. And I can’t blame Theo if he thinks that about me. I'd like to show him that I'm not what he thinks though."

"It's not like you haven't given him any reasons." Liam let out a small laugh.

However, if Scott had ever shown any provocative attitude it wasn't because he wanted to upset his cousin. It was just his way of showing interest to someone he likes. "He's really lucky to have you," Scott whispered, with a slight feeling of jealousy. His hand came slowly to Liam's, which was resting on the carpet, to give him small caresses. Liam pulled his hand away, flushed. "I'm happy to know he found a person like you."

Liam sighed, feeling exactly the opposite. He was the lucky one to have a person like Theo. He had never imagined that he would meet someone so special. "I'm lucky he's my friend."

Scott stifled a small laugh, not believing that he was the only one who saw what was really happening between his cousin and Liam. “Friends, huh…” the brunette’s gaze went to the door, hearing a horn at the distance. The taxi had arrived and It was time to leave. And although he didn't want to leave Liam, he was dying to see his mother. "It was really nice to have met you, Liam." Scott whispered, stroking the younger boy's cheek. Liam nodded, smiling slightly. "I hope it's not the last time we see each other."

"Me too."

And after Scott left, Liam realized that he was alone again.

A headache was beginning to make him dizzy, and it was only a matter of minutes before he lay on the rug, curled up, to fell asleep.

At least in his dreams, sadness would leave his body. However, upon awakening, sadness would be replaced by another feeling. Confusion.

The next morning, the sonorous and slightly discreet laughter of his friend interrupted his sleep, waking him up almost immediately. Exalted, he took his gaze to the clock that hung in the centre of the guest room. How had he got there? He must have been really tired not to remember walking there at night.

Cleansing the sleep of his eyes with his fists, he went slowly down the stairs. Going towards the kitchen. Each step was one more sting due to his migraine.

"Good morning, darling." She heard Jessica smile as she prepared breakfast. Theo accompanied her, making waffles. Both were still in their pyjamas and looked happier than ever.

"Liam!" Theo greeted, approaching. Liam couldn't tell if his smile was because in a few hours it would be Christmas or because he had gotten rid of his cousin's presence. "At last, you've wake up! We have so many things to do. Have you ever skated on ice? Because I was thinking we could totally go. Right?!" Liam laughed at the accelerated words of his friend, he barely and could understand a certain part. "What do you say, mom? Are you coming with us? "

Liam went around the kitchen, taking a piece of bread without anyone noticing. He was still trying to erase the smile on his face, but it was impossible. Somehow, all the happiness that his friend radiated was contagious. "Sorry honey. I have work to do." Jessica lamented, apologizing. "But I'm sure you and Liam will have fun." And Theo nodded, a little discouraged. He never managed to spend time with his mother and although it was something he should have been used to, it wasn't.

After breakfast, borrowing his mother's car, both headed for the gigantic shopping centre, near the park. Inside, there was a gigantic skating rink and terror suddenly flooded Liam, who was nervous of falling and making a fool of himself in front of the hundreds of people who skated as professionals in his own comparison.

"I think I've twisted my ankle or something." Liam lied, searching for an excuse not to skate. Theo laughed, taking his hand. Dragging him to the skating rink.

"None of that, amigo. Walking!"

And there was something about that sudden grip of hands. That simple touch that felt like an electric shock. It was momentary, but it was enough for Liam to fall lost in Theo's golden eyes. So, without even thinking clearly, he let himself be carried away. Without complaint.

And for half an hour, both skated on ice. Without the smile leaving their faces. Theo couldn't stop laughing every time his friend fell, and Liam, although in pain, just smiled because Theo did.

It had been just minutes after midnight and it was officially Christmas. Liam was awake, again. It seemed like not sleeping it would something he would get used to.

He was standing in front of the window, his eyes staring at the sky when suddenly he heard the door of the room open. "Are you still awake?" Liam turned, looking away from the window. Theo was staring, still in pyjamas. His hair was slightly dishevelled and his eyes were swollen. "You can't sleep either?"

"It seemed like you were." He laughed making Theo roll his eyes. "When my grandfather passed away, my father told me that that star was him," he whispered, pointing to the farthest star in the sky. "So, every time I felt sad, I went up to the roof and spoke to him... now I know it's just a star and not a person." Theo sighed, thinking that that was the cutest and saddest thing he had ever heard in his life. "It's stupid, but even now I'm still looking at the sky. Wondering if any of those stars could my parents."

Theo smiled, feeling the lump in his throat. His arm slowly encircled his friend's back. "You were wrong, Lee." he whispered, making Liam frown. "I'm not the shiniest star, you and your parents are."

Liam laughed, trying to hide the tears that would come out in a matter of seconds. He didn’t want to cry, at least not in front of Theo. But it was too painful and he knew that at least that night a couple of tears would come out. "I know I should wait until tomorrow, but I can't," Theo said, pulling a small box out of his pants pocket. Liam looked at it with confusion. "I found it on eBay." Liam's eyes suddenly became crystalline again as he saw that bracelet in front of him. "I saw it in your painting, and I thought you’d like it."

And even though Liam was dazzled, he couldn't accept it. Not when the knot in his throat intensified further. He knew that if he kept seeing that bracelet he would burst into tears. "Theo..." he whispered, walking away.

"Oh, you don't like it." Theo's voice suddenly snapped, feeling embarrassed.

Liam denied, sitting on the bed. That bracelet was identical to the one his mother had given him. That bracelet he had lost in the accident where he had also lost his parents. He never thought to see it again. "My mother gave me an identical bracelet a few years ago." He confessed, then. "I've never been interested in material stuff, however, it was the only memory I would have of her. But I lost it."

Theo nodded, surprised. "I'm sorry, I should have asked." He felt stupid. He knew how sensitive his friend was about his parents' death, and having done something like that made him wonder if he was just throwing salt at an open wound.

Seconds passed until Liam took the bracelet, analyzing every detail. From the small watercolour with the brush in the centre to the details in the chain. A tear rolled down his cheek. He didn't care anymore if he cried. "Thank you, Theo." His lips formed into a sad nostalgic smile. That meant a lot to him. "I also have a gift for you." Theo raised an eyebrow, curious. He didn't expect Liam to give him a gift, and now curiosity consumed him. "I painted it weeks ago. I wasn't sure to give it to you. I thought you wouldn't like it." He commented, walking towards the small bag in a corner of the room. Inside was a flat box wrapped in wrapping paper. "I thought that after Brett's thing happened, I would never have the opportunity to give it to you, but I've still kept it."

Theo looked at the box, carefully. His trembling hands broke the wrapper quickly and nervously, expectantly to what he could find. And the surprise was not minuscule because when he saw himself being portrayed in a small painting, he thought he could smile until his lips were cramped. It was amazing, every detail of the painting was. It was like looking in the mirror. "Liam, this is..."

"Ugly. I know. You don't like it, right? I really didn't know what colours use. And well, if I'm going to college, it's because I'm still learning--- " But Liam was interrupted at the moment Theo practically ran to hug him. Praying not to be pulled away.

Liam let out a loud sigh, clinging to his friend's arms, surprised and comforted. A tear threatened to come out. "I'll put it in my room," Theo whispered. "So I'll have a reason to come home."

They both smiled, exalted at the short distance between their faces. Both could feel each other's breathing and even though they tried not to break eye contact, both were distracted by their lips. Theo's breathing accelerated as he brought his face closer involuntarily. "I think it's better if we try to sleep, you'll want to wake up early to open the other gifts," Liam whispered, cutting off the tension. Theo nodded, distancing himself. His face was red as a tomato. "Goodnight, Theo."

"Goodnight, Liam." He smiled nervously, walking slowly toward the exit. However, in the frame of the door, he stopped. Turning "I appreciate you, buddy… You know?" He whispered with a smile on his face. Liam nodded, trying not to look. "Merry Christmas, Liam."

"Merry Christmas, Theo." Liam repeated, watching his friend walk out the door. Leaning on his bed, he looked at the ceiling. His heart was beating fast for some strange reason. He raised his hand, looking at his bracelet in detail. He gave a small smile followed by a yawn. "I appreciate you too..." he whispered to himself. Turning towards the wall and closing his eyes.

#thiam #theo raeken #liam dunbar #teen wolf

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rutabagarabitowitz · 7 years

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First Lines

This looked super fun, thanks for the tag @avenuepotter! Plus it helps me kinda revisit stuff I’ve been not working on.

Paste a short sentence/paragraph you think a potential reader may find intriguing from your last 20 stories and then tag 10 other authors. WIP’s are fair game (many people I saw included WIP’s) or Rules: Paste the 1st paragraph of your last 20 stories. Then tag ten of your favourite writers to complete the challenge, too.

8 WIP posts

1. From Head Over Feet: Chapter 38, Home Sweet Home (Put a Ring on it) WIP

Alex sat cross legged on her bed and scowled as she rubbed out her answer on the crossword puzzle in her lap with an eraser. Beside her Sonny was tapping at his phone with one hand and sipping coffee from the mug in the other. His long legs were sprawled out in front of him covered in blue sweats with New York Mets written down the right pant leg. Alex dropped the newspaper in frustration and stuck her pencil into her messy bun. She reached with a grabby hand towards Sonny's mug.

2. From Never Any More Heaven not Hell, chap 2: Just My Imagination WIP

Alex pushed her cart away with a very small wave his direction. She headed to checkout aware she only had half her list checked off. She was grateful for the empty lane and that she was able to pay fast. She took her few bags and Teddy and rushed outside not daring to look back over her shoulder. She could feel her heart racing and she felt like crying. The way he stared. What he said about being a show-off. What did that mean?

She walked home on autopilot, barely aware of her surroundings. She dumped the bags on the table and sat with Teddy on the couch, not bothering to unwrap her from the sling. It wasn't until Sonny came through the door, still in his shorts and gym shirt, that she realized she was just sitting there.

3. From something I've been writing about Alex's bro Henry/something I've been working on as in a novel.

An older man eyed him as he was coming in, seeing his fatigues he smiled proudly. Henry returned with his own uneven smile and shuffled off towards the handicap stall. He was glad for free Wild Turkey on the plane, but it was beginning to wear off. That or the clean Northern California air had already infested his psyche; the sobering reality of death hung around the atmosphere.

4. From a WIP/something from Head Over Feet

Sonny shook off the familiar stirring in his chest at the sight of Alex's old doorway, "naw, I'm Sonny, Sonny Carisi, I live up stairs. I'm NYPD if, ya know, anything comes up."

5. WIP?? Something stupid I thought of today that's amusing???

"Dat guy has a lot of calcetines!"

Walt snorted. "He has a lot of socks?"

A blush appeared across sonny's cheeks. "No...ya know balls."

"Cajones," Alex corrected with the smile a mother gives her toddler, complete with head tilt.

"You don't know Spanish!"

"I know the bad words," she smirked.

6. More WIP from a novel I'm working. Same one as above.

Rose spilled the contents of the box all over the floor near the side of the bed where Ted slept. She sat in the mess she made leaning up against the mattress. She reached her hand up to grasp his imaginary limb that he'd dangle over the edge. She could almost hear him snoring. He always slept for so long when he came home. She'd join him of course, relishing the warmth of his sun freckled skin and his smell of musky sweat. Alex would sneak into their room and want to sleep in their bed. If Alex got to Walt was sure to follow. Henry would hold out but he would eventually join his siblings as they all rejoiced in daddy finally being home. Those were the best times. When rose ceased to be a single parent. When she got to free herself from stay at home motherhood.

7. From Head Over Feet WIP future chapter?

"Hey Alex!" The door slammed open and Malucci marched in without looking up. As he started to launch into a set of orders he looked up to see the tender scene before him. "Oh, whoa! Sorry. 5 more minutes?"

"Please," she sighed and made eye contact with Sonny again as he pulled away from her.

"You got 3. Nice to see ya Carisi." He nodded and pointed his chin up at Sonny.

"You too Dave," Sonny answered loudly as he left the room. Sonny smirked at Alex. "Dats the end of dat."

"Hold on," she gripped his jacket sleeve as he made to stand up. She pulled him back to her tipping her head back and connecting with his lips. She kissed him hard, one hand pressed tightly to his chest, she could feel the heavy Kevlar beneath the police windbreaker. He turned his head to capture more of her lips as he kissed back, his tongue darting out to slip between their lips.

"Mmm," she sighed as she pulled back for air. Sonny grinned at her, a dazed expression overcoming his features.

"Be careful, Sonny," she warned as he stood up.

"I always am," he assured her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

8. From some random Sonny/Al smut WIP

When Sonny closed the door behind him softly he could hear Alex's bed making noise. He laughed to himself knowing first hand how creaky her mattress was. He left his things on the chair and then he heard it: soft moaning sounds to accompany the creaky bed. He stopped. He heard it again and felt the blood pulse in his veins. He walked forward to the almost closed bedroom door.

12 other svu stories completed

9. from Head Over Feet ch. 38 Hey Jealousy

“It’s not icy!” She shoved him aside and directed him back to the passengers side.

He pouted over to the opposite side of the vehicle and climbed in after she unlocked the doors. Amanda smirked to herself secretly amused she’d gotten him riled up. He continued to look pouty as he buckled his seatbelt.

“So what do we do now?” he turned to her.

10. one-off story: Election Night

“IF THIS IS THE NEW WORLD I’M GOING IN DRUNK,” Walt shouted, waving his beer aloft.

Sonny had run off to buy more booze as the polls closed in California deciding it would be better if he kept his companions drunk and sated after Walt and Alex started picking at each other over allegiance to party or politics.

11. from Tricks N Treats

Amanda wore a witch hat on top of a sweater and jeans, nothing elaborate. Jesse however was decked out in her movie quality Sleeping Beauty costume. Her mother had allowed her to wear a tiny amount of lipstick and Jesse was busy kissing her hand and giggling at the mark it left.

12. from Snap Story

Sonny laughed as he sat up beside her on the edge of the mattress.

“Oh my– you put me on snapchat?” she yelled.

13. from Head over Feet ch. 6 Cinco de Mayo

He teetered a bit but quickly found his footing. He wrapped his arms around her waist and put his head on her shoulder. With his face so close to hers she could smell the liquor on his breath.

“Oh god, you smell like tequila.” She made a face.

“My friend, Sully, threw a Cinco de Mayo party-”

“It’s August.” She raised an eyebrow as she finally got the door open and pulled away from him to get inside.

He paused. “Well it was the theme! But there was tequila there!”

“And lots of it, I can see.” She said. “You sure it wasn’t tequila themed?”

“Okay, full disclosure, I had a few margaritas.” He gestured wildly.

14. from Head over Feet ch. 8 Chinese

He folded his jacket over his arm and slung his backpack over the opposite arm. Once he got outside he felt the difference of the cool interior and the full summer heat. The sun was still out and he realized he was going to sweat through his skin before he got home. He stopped to roll up his sleeves further.

“Lookin’ good, Detective!” a familiar voice cat-called.

15. from Head Over Feet ch.13 Some Space

It was barely after sun up, but Walt’s bladder had been trained to military time. He stretched his limbs as he got off the couch and headed for the bathroom which in Alex’s house was inside her bedroom. He knew Sonny had spent the night because he pretended he didn’t hear them giggle when he got there close to 1am. Walt also pretended not to hear bedsprings or any other sounds that confirmed his sister wasn’t an asexual being.

16. from Good with his Hands Walt/Barba side story

It had been awhile since Rafael had actually dated. He kept himself very busy, or rather the SVU did. There were occasional nights away from his hum drum but mostly he was married to his work. He also rarely frequented gay bars. They always attracted the wrong sort of man. But he felt like he needed an ego boost that night a few weeks back. Just one compliment, one "ay Papí!" And Raf would feel a little better about himself. Maybe if he was cute he'd have some fun but he wasn't betting on it. They were always 'cute and,' cute and slutty, cute and too young, cute and high. He was unsurprisingly picky about who he brought home.

17. from Head over Feet ch. 21 Family Stuff

Bella took a bite of her yogurt and slowly answered. “Well, he’s never invited anyone to Thanksgiving. He’s had girlfriends but…it’s never that serious. Not Thanksgiving serious. Then last week he told Ma there might be an extra table setting. It’s a big deal for my brother.”

18. from Head over Feet Ch.26 What are you Thankful For?

Sonny looked around the room at two entire families that he wasn’t sure about mixing, but it seemed to be going well. He still worried about Alex. She looked okay but he wanted to make sure she actually was. He just needed a minute away from everyone else, observing and analyzing their every move.

“Hey.” He turned to Alex. “My mom asked me to get the folding table like an hour ago, ya wanna help me?”

19. from Dinner and a Movie (Walt/Barba)

“This is so domestic.” Rafael called, but he didn’t smile less. It felt good. The nervousness he held about Walt’s relative youth to his own was waning but not gone. Maybe that nervousness is what fueled this.

He tried to focus on Luke Skywalker and his drama but he kept hearing the sizzle of the pan in the kitchen and Walt whistling the music. He wanted to go in there and take him away from the cooking and back to his lips. Maybe hold the boy tightly and pull on the hair that was getting longer the more time he spent away from wearing fatigues. Did Walt even wear fatigues? Rafael never ventured to ask what he did out in the field or how in the field he was. Was he just on a foreign base? Was he in combat? Had he been?

Rafael suddenly felt worried he’d never asked, as if there was a hurt he wasn’t attending to. He didn’t want Walt to think he just liked his body or his cute smile. Rafael liked a lot more of him than that but he wasn’t sure he should be revealing all that just yet. No need to rush.

20. inspired by “Unholiest Alliance” Sonny/Al: Faith

After Sonny changed into a pair of flannel pajamas and a hoodie he settled on the sofa with a beer. He picked up the photo he got from his mom and the wooden frame he bought at the sale for fifty cents. He carefully unscrewed the backing and placed the snapshot inside. Satisfied with his work he turned the picture over and smiled.

He heard Alex’s key in the lock and he looked up as she opened the door and came inside. Her eyes were downcast but she smiled when their gaze met.

“Hi babe.” She greeted. She dropped her bag on the chair as she made her way over to him on the couch.

anddddd now I have to tag people.... uh?

@knittingharlot @singinprincess @hawkland @imasecretstorywriter @justjaclin @ anyone else who writes? I can’t remember i’m so inactive.

but it’s a lot of fun! thanks!

#fan fic #svu #svu fanfic #Sonny Carisi #Sonny fic #Sonny/OC #Rafael Barba #Barba/OC #Head Over Feet

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westfivestory · 6 years

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This month has been interesting, I was hoping, and I do mean hoping, fingers crossed and everything, that this weather would let up, and some days it did, but quickly reverted back to the depths of hell cold whenever it got the chance. I for one am sick of the weather. I watch my cat for weather changes a lot of the time. We have one that as soon as fall takes a turn she packs on the weight, this year she didn’t as much and it stayed fairly mild, at least up until New Years, clearly her weather vane is not functioning at optimal levels.

Mikayla is finally sleeping better for the most part, the medication the doctor put her on did work for the time she was on it, and upon the end of the prescription her sleep was interrupted again, since then we attempted a few other things since she couldn’t remain on the meds. Physio was one of those things. It is helping with the pulling in her leg, for the most part, but there is still the combination of pillow propping under her knees, under her feet and of course fluffing her pillow under her head. These key ingredients along with her trusty massage pad under her legs is an absolute must. Or we are back to utter exhaustion. Oh and even though she is sleeping better, I have apparently trained myself to wake up at the allotted times that I was getting up with her. Lucky me. So most nights I wake myself up, somehow, at 3:30, 5 and 6 and then at 6:30 the alarm starts and I hit snooze for the next 30 minutes or so just to feel like I can function.

Mikayla and I had read You. Great book by the way if you are looking for something to get completely lost in. Now its a Netflix show. So it became a bit of an obsession. We watched it together, and discussed it, fully analyzing all aspects and differences between the book and the series. There were a few. But all in all, both are great and very easy to lose yourself in if you need an escape.

Mikayla listens to her Spotify most mornings and evenings as we are getting ready for work and school and making supper in the evenings. One evening in particular, she was singing along to something and out of nowhere Parish piped up, “We get it Mikayla, you can sing”, I laughed. She sounded so much like her great grandma that of course they never met. The comment instantly reminded me of the time I was shopping with my grandparents and my grandpa was singing and humming under his breath, but loudly enough that you could hear him. My grandma marched up to him, coughed to get his attention and said, “Art, the talent scout has left the building.” For a moment, it didn’t register and he continued on, until it did and he kind of cleared his throat, coughed and shuffled on.

The washing machine broke down. My Maytag Maxima front load. I have had it for I think 12 years, I could be wrong, but anyway the constant error code E01 and F09 kept coming up and it wouldn’t drain at all. So frustrating. I have fixed this issue once before without warranty and for the cost could likely have paid for 3/4 of a new machine. Not doing that again. Anyway, I weighed the options out there and discussed with friends, co-workers and family. After shopping around I finally purchased a new washer from Leon’s. M took me there with her truck so if we could take it immediately at least we had a way to get it. Luckily, they had it in stock. We took it then and her and my neighbor came and helped install it. We couldn’t get the hoses unattached from the old machine so T came over with a wrench. I have minimal tools.

What I settled on?

Another Maytag, top load, still the commercial technology that the front load had, but I am actually really happy with this so far. I’m hoping that my happiness will continue and I won’t see an error code for a very long time, if ever…fingers crossed.

Gunnar turned 7. My little guy is getting so grown up.

For his birthday, as usual I took the day off and pulled him out of school. After dropping Juno off for a spa day to deshed, bathe and trim her nails, we were off to Winnipeg.

We went to Crock-a-Doodle. I was a little nervous about taking him there since he is a 7 year old boy, is he going to have any interest in choosing and painting a ceramic piece. Clearly I had no reason to worry, he absolutely loved it. We worked on one piece together, a wolf.

He wasn’t too happy that he had to leave it there to be fired, but he was happy he would be bringing it home on Sunday.

From there we went to Za Pizza Bistro for lunch and we shared a pizza, he chose his toppings for his half and I chose mine for the other half. Together we finished the whole pizza.

The one thing he wanted to do for his birthday was go to the Walmart Mall, so off to St Vital we went. There we ended up with a new video game for him and he tried out the Magic 9D place, he wasn’t overly thrilled with it. I guess he isn’t into VR like his brother.

Later that week I ran an event at work where he got to volunteer, he was in his glory getting to have his picture taken and have it printed for him to take home, honestly with that and airbrush tattoos, what could be better.

We came home from this event to the cat having broken into the turtle cage. O’Malley broke in, not to free the turtle, but to eat it. She dragged it out into the living room and thankfully we were able to rescue it and aside from a scratch it was fine. At least for that time.

Fast forward five days.

Amid some house cleaning, the battery charger and battery that we had placed on top of the cage to prevent the cat from breaking in, had been removed and put away, with of course the best of intentions. I didn’t notice until it was too late. The cat broke in to the cage overnight. It has now been a little over a week and there have been no signs or smells of the poor turtle. We think she ate the little guy, shell and all.

That same day, I came home from work and after making supper I proceeded downstairs to do a load of laundry. Half way down the stairs my foot slipped on the carpet and I went down the last half. I think I missed everything until I landed on the last step. Avoided injury to my tailbone and mildly bruised my butt, definitely not the end of the world there, but I did jam my fingers into the bottom step as I landed. A trip to the hospital confirmed that thankfully they are only sprained, so aside from discomfort assisting Mikayla and shaking hands with people I should live. In case I need support, they did tape them up for me, and of course Gunnar and Parish kept me company while waiting at the hospital.

I must have some kind of talent, really, who falls down the stairs and instead of the typical injury of tail bone etc., jams and sprains their fingers. So weird.

Driving back into Landmark after leaving the hospital, we narrowly avoided a collision. To the person who clearly has no idea about the right of way or the fact that there is not a four-way stop at the 206 and 210 intersection where you turned in front of me on to arena road, you are lucky the road wasn’t sheer ice and I was able to slam on the brakes and barely avoid t-boning your piece of shit car. I wanted to follow you home and knock you out for putting my family at risk. Maybe, think next time, since due to quick enough reflexes we are all still here to reminisce.

Next morning, as I am getting ready for work I push the button on my key fob to start my car…nothing. Its attempting, slightly, but nothing. I take the van and head over to Freedom Foods, maybe the battery in the key fob is dead. So back home, I replace the battery and try again. Nope that is not the issue. So I call Giesbrecht Mechanical. A says “can you look under the hood?” Um no, I can’t even get into the car. Then he informs me, there is a slide button on my key fob which releases an actual key. I had no clue, yes I am blonde and did wonder why I had a key hole in the door but never received a key. Oh well, live and learn. So now I can get into the car and pop the hood, but I still have nothing. So he comes over and boosts it, it starts instantly and as I go to leave I realize the reason for the car not starting. When we got home the night before, the passenger door was accidentally not fully closed and the light being on drained the battery. At least it was just a simple mistake and not another repair.

With all that goes on in our lives, its nice to get out once in awhile. I took Mikayla and J to Lorette Bar for a Karaoke Night. They had never been and even though we didn’t sing, they enjoyed themselves. They hung out with friends and I played pool for a bit while we listened to other people sing. There was a boy that was of interest. So unfortunately instead of going and talking to him, the decision was made to send the drunkest of the group to talk to him. I was playing pool against him. He came back to the pool table and just said “I was asked if I was single or gay” cause clearly those are the only options. Girls…I don’t even know what to say.

The next outing brought with it a little more culture. First we sampled some Italian cuisine at Olive Garden and from there, myself, Mikayla, J and her mom attended the Three Penny Opera production at The West End Cultural Centre.

It was interesting. The reason we went was because the cast was not entirely, but a fair portion, disabled in some degree. There were ASL interpreters in the audience to accommodate guests and a couple of the cast members were also deaf. It was a good evening.

The next day F came over for a second play date in a couple of days. This was a rematch. The first didn’t go so well as Gunnar decided to play a single player game with his friend but monopolized the controller and failed to give him a turn. So this time, they selected a two player game, Disney Infinity and his friend brought over some of his characters. They both seemed to have a much better time.

The weather accompanying the play date was awful. So cold and so windy. We got a little more snow on the driveway but no drifting due to all of the trees and direction of the wind. So clearing the driveway at home was easy. Getting into work the next morning was a different story. The parking lot was layered in drifts, I made it through, parked and plugged in before I went to assist my boss, who wasn’t so lucky. He was really stuck in the middle of the entrance drive. It took myself driving, and him and R pushing, after shoveling, to get him unstuck. It was amusing since just a week or so before him and J were discussing how Subarus are such great vehicles and can get through anything. Clearly we all have limits.

Tonight we attempted to Chase the Ace. I didn’t win and apparently it is still up for grabs. The pot is over $11,000. Guess next week the place will be packed again as people sit down to see how lucky they are. This was my first time playing. I can say hanging out and seeing some old friends is far more interesting than playing my ticket. It was nice to catch up, one friend I ran into I hadn’t seen in about 15-16 years. Time sure flies.

February 2019 This month has been interesting, I was hoping, and I do mean hoping, fingers crossed and everything, that this weather would let up, and some days it did, but quickly reverted back to the depths of hell cold whenever it got the chance.

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blueraith · 7 years

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Hello, and Welcome Back...

To my ongoing series of, “Why the Fuck Can’t the Fandom See What Is Happening Right In Front of Their Fucking Goddamn Eyes?”

It’s a working title.

In today’s episode, we’re actually taking a look and analyzing some dialogue. Good golly, this is gonna be enlightening!

No, but seriously, last post I said that one really, really needs to learn how to read body language and facial expressions if one truly wants to learn how to write accurate characters that one doesn’t own.

But, to my chagrin, I realized in the shower—yes I am stereotypical and come to life affirming realizations in the shower though this one wasn’t of the life affirming type—that not only is the fandom really fucking blind, they’re also selectively deaf. Because the vast majority of fic writers who write Eliza as irredeemable trash, seem to latch onto very specific information. Information that is shared almost exclusively, through dialogue, from Alex.

Now, you are never going to see me claim that what Alex lived through wasn’t real. Because I’d wager that I know Eliza’s version of emotional abuse better than most. Particularly because Eliza has never seemed to have sank to the levels that I have experienced in my life. Not that it makes Alex’s experiences any less real, but only more frustrating. On the fandom’s part, not on Alex. Because Alex seems very willing to move her relationship forward with her mother, learn to forgive, and to repair. The fandom, on the other hand, seems convinced that Eliza has utterly destroyed Alex’s self-esteem and takes pleasure in that.

It’s honestly really fucking ridiculous.

Anyway, Alex is where most of these folks seemed to have learned that Eliza is an awful person. When Alex claims that her mother has always been harder on her, that she has never been good enough, has always screwed up as far as Eliza is concerned, the fandom not only takes her at face value, they also exaggerate these things. Because, and I don’t know about you, but when I describe how awful my mother has been to me, I am venting. Which means that I don’t tell y’all when my mom is actually my mother. The supportive, kind, and loving person she is fully capable of. I know this, I’ve lived it, even recently, but that doesn’t make the times she’s awful hurt any less. Because I know what she’s capable of. I know that she doesn’t have to be terrible to me. Yet she is. And that almost is worse, because it feels like I’m waiting for something that’s probably never going to happen. Waiting for her to just be the person I yearn she could be, and we could repair this rift between us.

And I believe that Alex is very similar to this experience. Eliza is not a monster in Alex’s eyes. And I will explain this in detail, because for god’s sake….

I don’t believe Alex is lying when she describes her interactions with Eliza, on the contrary, she’s probably being painfully frank. However, I do think that she’s biased in this instance. Like I said, I don’t think she’s as upfront with how Eliza actually loves her. I mentioned earlier that a writer should never fully depend on dialogue to write fanfiction, because people are sometimes biased. When a character is describing something from their point of view, you must assume that they are biased in some way because that is how people act in real life. Fiction is not exempt from this. If you asked Alex and Kara to both describe how their bond as sisters feels, you’d probably get two different answers. Because emotions are not facts, you aren’t going to get a dry run down from either of them over how they feel about the other. Similarly, you cannot depend on Alex to be factual about her relationship with her mother. And this is not to say that she’s lying. She’s not, she is being honest. However, she is being honest from Alex’s point of view. In terms of the pain Eliza has inflicted on her, and only the pain. She’s biased.

Alex is not a very forthcoming person in terms of her emotions in the first place. Many of these details she has shared about Eliza is to Kara. Which is very important to remember, because Alex knows that Kara knows that Eliza actually does love her. Alex doesn’t need to sit down with Kara and describe the ways Eliza has been kind to her because Kara was probably there and witnessed these things first hand. No one vents about good things. Not the same way that they do with their pain.

Again, look back at Thanksgiving 1. Alex is mad and upset with Eliza. Case and point is when she bitterly refuses to go along with Kara’s ‘Let’s talk about what we’re thankful for.’ Because Alex is not feeling particularly grateful at the moment, she’s resentful, in fact. She comes out about the DEO because part of her wants to get Eliza’s disapproval over with. The both of them are not in anyway interested in keeping that interaction from blowing up into a fight. Again, I am very familiar with this kind of thing. If Alex actually wanted to make that as undramatic as possible, first off, she wouldn’t have told Eliza about the DEO in front of Winn. Remember that Winn is not yet Alex’s friend, he’s just her little sister’s best friend. Alex is not normally forthcoming about her feelings. Why in this wide world would she have made to have this conversation with Eliza, in front of someone she is not remotely close to no less, if she planned on making herself emotionally vulnerable in any way?

The answer, is that she wasn’t. Ever. Anger is not vulnerability to most people. Anger is often something people hide behind, that they use to defend, to attack, to lash out with. I do the same thing with my mom when she really pisses me off. Just push, prod, purposefully bring up things I know she won’t like, argue with her simply to argue, say things I don’t even personally believe in but I know that she hates. Just to see her get as angry with me as I am feeling with her.

Alex wasn’t quite at that extreme, but she’s coming clean not to get Eliza to say that she’s proud of her. She knows that Eliza won’t like that she’s working for the DEO on some level. On another, she is hopeful that things will go well. That’s where the look of surprise comes from when Eliza smacks her right down immediately. Because Alex yearns for her mother’s approval, and not getting it, even when she doesn’t expect to, is a punch to the gut. Alex wants nothing more than to make her mother proud, it’s what she most wants, it’s what she hopes and prays for in every interaction that they have. To not get it is a horrible sinking disappointment every time.

Alex is terrified of failure. And when you are terrified of failure, you have to have failed at some point in your life. Repeatedly. There is nothing quite so back crushingly exhausting than failing repeatedly in your life no matter how hard you try to succeed. And at some point or another, you just get used to failing. It’s the default, why even try anymore? As far as Alex is concerned, that is where she is with Eliza. She’s used to not being good enough, might as well just come clean now, fuck it, she’ll react however she wants to, it’s not my fault, it’s not going to hurt this time, she can think what ever the hell she wants, let’s just get this bullshit over with.

Except it does hurt, and she knew that it was. Hence the drinking.

Now, I, again, brought up Thanksgiving 1 to highlight the ways Alex and Eliza actually were messed up. Both from what we know Alex says, and the way Eliza acts. That is the rift between them. Here is where the fandom becomes selectively deaf. Eliza apologizes to Alex, while they are alone, so that Alex can actually be herself in that conversation. Alex cries, Alex asks her, again, why she isn’t ever good enough. But this time, she’s not lashing out at her mother. “I will never win with you,” is something you say to someone when you want to make sure that they know that a rift in a relationship is all that person’s fault. “Why wasn’t I ever enough?” is something you say when you blame yourself. Yet know that isn’t quite right either. It’s what you say when you know something is wrong between you and you don’t know how to fix it anymore.

And the following conversation, one that I won’t be breaking down because for god’s sake go watch and listen to it this time instead of writing it off, completely addresses that very vulnerable question. One that only a child asks. One that is often taken into adulthood because that sinking feeling of being a disappointment has followed them for years. “You have always been my Supergirl,” was said purposefully. Eliza did not just watch her grown daughter break down in front of her, something that probably hasn’t happening in a long time, and just ignored that. I don’t think Alex quite believed her in that moment, and I don’t think Eliza quite earned that yet, but it was said and it’s now up to Eliza to prove it.

And she does. Off screen, too.

Because now we’re at the part I started this long ass post for in the first place. Two lines of dialogue that actually says everything there is to be said about how this relationship is no longer a mess. It’s not quite healed, but it is scarring over.

Here is a good example of when to actually take dialogue at face value.

The difference between Alex being biased about Eliza and taking what she says as serious, but not quite damning, is that Eliza is not in the room to defend or confirm Alex’s words.

Now, let’s take a look at when Alex comes out as gay to Eliza. Eliza says two things, that I believe are often overlooked.

One. “Keeping secrets disagrees with you, sweetie.”

Alex, Agent Alex Danvers, is exactly that. A fucking secret agent of a shadow government organization. We all know just how good Alex is at her job. She kept up the secret from Eliza for years. She should be very good at keeping secrets. Just look at Kara’s entire existence, for god’s sake. Yet, Eliza now claims that she can tell when Alex is lying. And Alex seems completely incapable of lying to Eliza right now. She’s so painfully obvious in this scene. And if there relationship was just as bad as it used to be, she shouldn’t be, right?

So this tells me a few things. One, Alex doesn’t keep secrets from Eliza anymore. It seems to me, that they have been speaking with each other.

Which goes right into the second piece of dialogue. “Is this something to do with Maggie? You talk about her a lot.”

Which confirms that they speak regularly. Because when would Alex ever have the chance to talk to Eliza if they don’t flat out call each other on the regular? Because, at this point, Alex and Maggie haven’t known each other for a terribly long time. Yet, Eliza not only knows that Alex’s secret has to do with Maggie, but knows Alex cares about Maggie as well.

I mean, Christ, this is some pretty clear cut shit. They’ve been repairing their relationship on their own terms, off screen for a while. But, there’s still that lingering hurt. Which is why Alex was afraid of coming out in the first place.

This is a stark difference between Thanksgiving 1 and this scene. Alex was angry at Eliza during T1. She told her about the DEO in a way that wasn’t conductive to becoming emotionally vulnerable. I.E. alone, with Winn not right next to her. There weren’t going to be any tears, any heart felt questions, or any vulnerability so long as he was right there.

During T2, Alex gets even more drunk because she knows she can’t handle the emotional fallout here either. However, she does try here because most of the people there are actually her family at that point. With the exception of Mon-el. She’s not looking to have a one-to-one conversation with Eliza, though. That’s the whole purpose of coming out surrounded by people, I suspect.

But this time, they are alone. Alex does not decide to hide. She could have. Eliza was going to drop the matter. Alex decided to keep the conversation going when she asked, “How?” Alex is not angry right now. She is afraid. She is afraid of being a disappointment. Which is different from being a failure. A failure is something you do. Or fail to do, rather. It is on your shoulders, it is your fault. Being a disappointment can be different. It can be linked to failure, to being your fault, but I don’t think Alex was thinking this way in that moment. She was afraid that Eliza was be disappointed in what she was, not who. You can see this has nothing to do with anger because Alex immediately bursts into tears while stone cold sober.

The fact that Eliza was surprised that Alex was so afraid speaks volumes, too. She’s not oblivious. She knows she’s hurt Alex in the past. That’s the whole aftermath of T1, after all. But they’ve been getting closer, they’ve been speaking, Alex doesn’t remember how to lie to her, Eliza knows that not only is Alex gay from the mere descriptions she makes of Maggie but that Alex also speaks about Maggie enough for Eliza to even realize that Maggie is an important part of Alex’s life. They are in the midst of healing. Eliza is surprised because she thought they had moved past this. Only to find out that they haven’t, and Eliza chooses to tell Alex that she is exceptional.

This is dialogue you cannot just brush off. Alex and Eliza are only talking about each other to each other. This is not biased dialogue. If it were, one of them would have started arguing, most likely Alex. But that’s not what happened. It was an emotional, vulnerable, and open scene between these two. Which means that they were both completely and utterly honest with each other.

I’m sorry, but this is not the actions of two people who ignore each other until Eliza decides out of the blue to come visit National City, and “Alexandra, surely you won’t mind, I’ll be there tomorrow.”

And “Shit, Maggie, my MOM is coming here? What am I going to do?!?!”

“Alex, babe, please put down the scotch. I’ll take care of her for you if you want.”

“Thanks, Mags. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I mean, for god sake.

What the fuck?

#supergirl #eliza danvers #alex danvers #listen and watch people #sigh

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snow-storm27 · 7 years

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So like, I came out to my mom last October. It was over the phone, so I sort of removed that pressure of acting fine, which was good for me. It was the right decision for me. But sometimes I wonder if she remembers that conversation, or if she wrote it off as some sort of dream. She doesn’t talk about it, which I appreciate, and I am loath to discuss anything resembling that kind of topic around her, but it sort of feels like she doesn’t care about that at all. However, she did distinctly tell me not to tell my dad I’m bi, because “he just wouldn’t understand,” which I both agree with and resent.

She used to work for the church’s conference office in town, and as a result she went away to these big meetings where she would tell me about all the ways that the religious leaders would slice and dice these issues that we both care about (race, gender, sexuality, immigration, etc.) and it made her mad. It made me mad too, but suffice to say I wouldn’t have come out to her if I didn’t think that she would accept me. I’m more interested in self-preservation than that.

She once brought up something that was similar to the topic of my sexuality, when she offhandedly commented that last year, the Rock was named “sexiest man alive” or something. I was so blindsided and so intensely aware of the scrutiny I was under, that I completely brushed the topic aside. I don’t remember the next hour after she mentioned that, accept that I mumbled out some response that indicated I didn’t want to talk about it.

So now she, despite being away from the church office for a year after a particularly devastating blow to LGBTQ+ protections in the Methodist church last May, had another follow-up conference to attend this year (and another in 2019, because she quit at the top of a 4 year cycle she can’t get out of). And she told me and my dad about the trip and how it went, and it seems like a mixed bag, as usual. However, every time protections for gay people came up, she would turn to look at me. Granted, she did this before I came out because I “had friends who were gay” (I do, but I wasn’t thinking of them whenever I talked about LGBTQ+ people my age, and she’s too smart not to know that). But she never would say stuff like this around my dad. He’s a touch more conservative than she is, but he’s really of the “I don’t care what other people do with their lives” persuasion, rather than the “they’re born in sin” persuasion. He has no issue with gay people, and a few hang-ups about trans people, but only because he doesn’t personally know any, as a 50 year old white guy in a cushy job in the South. But either way, she was patently connecting “gay people and protections” with “I’m looking at you, Kyle,” and I am deeply unsettled. This might have been the first time I didn’t have an anxiety attack around the issue, so points for me, but this isn’t a part of my life I really want to discuss, especially not with either of them.

I don’t really know what to do. She told me not to talk about this with my dad, and I genuinely do not want to. We would both just be uncomfortable. But I felt some (perhaps imagined) pressure from my mom to talk about this stuff. I have no interest in that. I don’t think it was a mistake to come out to her. I don’t regret doing so. I don’t really know what I expect. I don’t want to talk to her about it. I’m trying to analyze a bit more of myself since it’s Pride and everything. I’m pretty comfortable where I am, but I just know that I can’t live with one foot still in the closet, it’ll kill me. But I also think that now is not the right time. I’m not ready for that conversation. I dunno. I sort of rambled here. I don’t have a solution. Maybe I’ll think of something later.

#personal #delete later #neg

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writersriot · 7 years

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@neepcreature

So so sorry it took me forever to get back to your response to Part 16!! I also apologize for my long-ass response haha, hence why this is in a separate post. Because I am a rambler who talks to much concerning my special interests.

When Two-Bit and Marcia get married (in my mind haha), they would absolutely end the rivalry lol. I just love how they instantly bonded over their shared sense of humor, but then we never heard about them again. Like dude, what happened to my one het ship in this book haha.

The ages!! Oh god the ages lolol. See, the way these characters’ ages are written. . .just doesn’t make sense. I don’t know if this came from Hinton writing as a teenager and making certain assumptions about how people act at certain ages?? I know by the time kids are seniors in high school, around 17-18, they look at the freshmen, around 13-15, and think they’re babies haha. And sometimes the ones who are out of high school but still basically youths seems so much older and wiser (which, lol.)

Darry is 20, but god at 20 I knew nothing, and Darry is holding up his family by himself. Even Two-Bit is 18 going on 19 yet still in school, not even a senior yet. And he’s the oldest of the gang, which really makes me think Darry isn’t usually involved with the gang so much as maybe Soda is. I think Two-Bit even mentions that he’d beat down Pony if he weren’t Soda’s kid brother, so it makes me think this gang is mostly made of these boys who went to the same school for at least some time and who live in the same neighborhood. (So like Pony and Darry are included in the gang because they’re related to Soda I guess)

Because Soda is 16 going on 17, which I assume Steve is as well since they’re best friends. Who else is that age?? Johnny. With Dally only a year older. Like lol forever. Because really, is it Pony wanting to be part of the gang so much and to be taken seriously like you said? Like Pony kind of latches onto Johnny as a type of kindred-spirit as shy, quiet types that Pony makes assumptions about Johnny, seeing him as younger than he is and closer to Pony’s age? ‘Cause even though Johnny is Pony’s friend, I feel like Johnny sees Pony as a younger brother he would (and does) protect.

I also think maybe Pony fundamentally doesn’t understand the relationship Johnny has with the other members of the gang either because he doesn’t see it. I think his notion of this is amended a bit at the end of the book, when it’s too late unfortunately.

So is the infantilizing of Johnny really as bad as it seems in Pony’s perspective? Or is it just Pony’s interpretation of events? I mean, we know Johnny is small for his age, which can happen to kids raised in abusive situations, though of course it could be he’s a little of a late bloomer puberty-wise. And we know the gang wants to protect Johnny due to his abusive and neglectful home life. Pony says Johnny is the “pet” of the gang, which I don’t even know what to make of other than Pony making assumptions.

Here’s a kid very near the same age as most of the guys in the gang, yet due to his size and likely being in the same class as Pony, he maybe gets treated like another little brother. But he’s the little brother you don’t fuck with at all. And honestly, Pony calls Johnny the pet, but we really don’t see that kind of dramatic behavior from the rest of the gang. They’re protective of him, absolutely. But it’s honestly as if the only one who infantilizes Johnny is, in fact, Ponyboy himself? Like, I just don’t get those “he’s the pet” vibes from the rest of the gang so much as “Johnny’s already been through shit so don’t give him any more” vibes.

And this infantilizing of Johnny I think is what makes readers think he’s Pony’s age instead of the same age as most of the gang. And I think it’s why some people are against the Johnny/Dally ship as well? Like they see it as a dramatic age and power difference, when really, I think that’s only due to Pony’s narrative of everyone and not actually what the subtext implies. That’s my analysis of it.

Oh gosh, I followed Hinton on twitter just a little before her rude responses started up and garnered so much attention back in October last year. I thought, oh cool, another author to love -- oh shit nevermind. Like she would tweet some good stuff and then make me kind of despise her when answering questions about The Outsiders lol. So yes, I saw all of her. . .Hinton-ness. She honestly should have said, “That wasn’t my intention writing these characters, but it’s cool if readers see something else,” and left it at that. And maybe people should have stopped asking her if the characters were gay and just said, “I see them as gay no matter what lol bye” like haha that’s the only way I would ever do it because I don’t need an author’s permission to read their book a certain way.

But I stg Hinton needs to go back over what she wrote. Because what she thinks she wrote and what actually made it onto the page appear to be different. Like if she wanted to make Johnny really excited to talk to girls. . .I’m sorry, that just didn’t happen. And she kept saying “where’s the textual evidence?” and I’m like read your fucking book, lady! Or get a queer person to read it and explain it to you because you didn’t actually manage to make Johnny’s heterosexuality set in stone lol. I was twelve, attending Catholic school, and I was like damn that’s hella gay. Like I didn’t even really have a good concept of “gay” but I knew Johnny and Dally were pinging my gaydar haha. And I’m hella aroace and I could still see the subtext of it playing out through the book.

At her age, if Hinton really weren’t homophobic, she could probably look at what she wrote fifty years ago as a teenager and think, “huh maybe this is a little queerer than I thought I was writing back then. Welp.” Because by her own admission she says she didn’t know any queer people growing up, which lol I call BS she just didn’t know any OUT queer people. She’s one of those types of people that says, “Ask anyone if it was cute to be gay in the 60s” as if queer people didn’t exist back then with their own community.

It’s like she’s ignoring the counter-culture of hippies that came about in the 60s. And there was a queer movement from the 50s that resembled the picture of manliness, I forget what it’s called now, which is something Greasers apparently actuated by controlling their emotions and seeming utterly “cool” which honestly, is not the type of Greaser Hinton wrote about with their violent feelings haha. Plus there’s a whole punk and queer movement on the cusp of this, so Hinton can’t convince me everywhere in the 60s was homophobic. Maybe Tulsa, Oklahoma had it’s fair share of bigots but my god.

Queer people existed back then, and now we are all more widely accepted, so maybe instead of contributing to a stifling culture of authorial intent of heteronormativity, how about she reconsider what it could mean for her characters to be considered queer in this day and age as good role models and that sure, it’s okay to be queer. Granted, the two I believe are the most queer are the ones who end up dead so it maybe just adds to the “bury your gays” trope but who knows. In that case, Hinton might think for the 60s that would actually be accurate representation. (I’m sorry, maybe that was mean lol).

Anyway, clearly I’m a little bitter over how she handled the situation because I started writing this series after all.

Johnny absolutely has PTSD! I’m glad you brought that up because you’re right, I haven’t mentioned it in this series yet. But it’s very important to consider that Johnny comes from an abusive and neglectful home, and then he gets attacked by the Socs which is a hugely traumatic event. The kid is a mess, and I feel so badly for him because he’s just trying to survive. But absolutely it’s a concept that isn’t recognized in the book, and honestly I think it’s difficult for kids and even teens to recognize trauma and PTSD for what it is. I know I didn’t recognize being in an abusive situation until much later in life. And it seems like the type of household Johnny came from was common in the 60s because I hear stories from my mom and even my gramma that make me go “wtf that is abusive as shit.” So I definitely think Hinton herself didn’t realize she was writing a character with PTSD as we would analyze it now.

That’s why it is interesting that Cherry does recognize that Johnny has had some kind of trauma. I absolutely believe it’s leaking from Johnny’s pores most of the time, and sometimes stuff like that is more obvious to people who don’t see a person every day. And Pony definitely doesn’t have the vocabulary or knowledge of PTSD, so you’re right, that may very well be why Pony describes Johnny as shy. Because Pony also describes Johnny as looking like a kicked puppy most days, and I just ugh cry a little. It absolutely sounds like Two-Bit triggers a dissociative episode, but that Pony would only see it as Johnny being jumpy and scared. Like Pony would just have no concept of how traumatic the attack was for Johnny, even despite Pony having his own form of PTSD after the death of his parents, which we see a reoccurrence of after Johnny’s death. Just all around, I feel so much for these boys.

I could chalk this up to Hinton’s writing, but again she was a teenager herself, so I want to say that she just needed a narrative device of trauma without necessarily seeing what that means for the characters. Having the narrator say Johnny is shy when he really doesn’t exhibit that behavior just shows me that Hinton didn’t have a great grasp on what she was writing either. That’s why many readers have such a different reaction to the story because we recognize the trauma, the PTSD, the abuse, and yes, the queer subtext. But these are issues that I never heard discussed in any classes, it was always the Socs versus the Greasers and what “the same sunset” bullshit means and asking about the abuse without framing it as abuse. It’s like only a surface-level reading of these characters that I could never stand because I saw so much more to them. It’s a pity that Hinton can’t see beyond the surface of the story she wrote either.

So yeah, anyway. Long post is long, and I hope my rambling made some sort of sense?? Uh, I ALWAYS want discussions like this, even on previous posts or just on their own if you say, “hey I was thinking about this” like I will be right on your page!! Sorry for bombarding you with such a lengthy, nonsensical response, but thank you for having discussions with me, it makes my life meaningful and my special interest in The Outsiders feel like it hasn’t been wasted the last uh almost couple decades haha.

#outsiders queer subtext series #johnny cade #ponyboy curtis #ptsd #jally #the outsiders #se hinton #neepcreature

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