Hold It Down | On AO3
Cayde's flown off to who the hell knows where to chase another piece of his past, Andal's so wound up he's practically climbing the Tower walls, and Shiro hasn't stopped moving in days. Tevis is just doing his best to help. Sort of. In his own way.
Even with their fireteam divided, they find a way to hold each other together.
---
His armor was pocked and marred and streaked with blood, his throat was clogged with ancient dust, and this was the last damn time he was doing Andal Brask any favors.
Even as he thought it, Shiro knew it was a lie. Ever since Andal had taken up the Vanguard post, he'd been under a hell of a lot of stress - more than what he'd ever had to deal with when he'd been out roaming the Wilds with the pack. There was a permanent line of tension strung through his shoulders that got worse every day he was up in that Tower, and he had dark circles under his eyes that rivaled Tevis's, so when he'd asked if Shiro could go down into a maze of catacombs beneath the EDZ to retrieve a Guardian who'd gotten themselves stuck there - Shiro had agreed immediately. It hadn't relaxed Andal at all; if anything, he'd gotten more tense. But it was one less mission for him to worry about assigning, at least. And Shiro had checked in as regularly as he could manage, up until he'd hit the Hive horde and had to focus all of his efforts on getting in, grabbing the idiot, and getting out in one piece.
"Thanks for doing this," Andal said, from the little hologram in his palm. Even at this resolution, Shiro could see him cataloging the sorry state of his gear.
"It was no problem."
"I'm sorry I asked it of you."
"You trusted me to get it done, Andal. That's enough for me." Shiro forced a smile he didn't feel. As much as he liked talking to Andal, he was covered from helm to boots in blood and grime and Traveler knew what else, and there was a piece of a sparrow lodged in one of his knee joints, from where one of Marcus's damned friends had run straight into him the second he'd set foot on the surface of the Cosmodrome with the wayward Guardian slung over his shoulders. Suzume had offered to heal it if he'd pulled the scrap out, but he'd been too pissed to really listen to her.
Andal frowned. Shiro scrambled to bolster his smile. It did nothing to smooth away the furrow in his Vanguard's brow. "Did you get hurt?" Andal asked. "Saint saw you in the Hangar after you dropped our missing Guardian off. He said you were limping. Is Suzume okay?"
"Suzume's fine. She'll heal me later."
"Why-" Andal cut himself off, then blew out a breath. "Is everything okay?"
Shiro sighed. Around him, City life carried on under the dim glow of the setting sun. His apartment's door was right there. Then it was up some steps and through his actual door, and he would finally be free to strip off the armor and scrub everything clean - if only Andal would cut the chatter.
"Shiro?"
"I'm fine, Andal. I'll talk to you later."
"Are you sure you're-"
Shiro cut the connection before he could think twice about it, and turned away from Suzume before she could catch him with the disapproving dip of her shell. "Don't," he muttered, tapping in his access code and starting up the stairs. "He'll go on all night with as wound up as he is right now."
"That's because he was worried about you," Suzume reminded. Her voice was deceptively gentle for the steel he knew was hidden behind it. "You have to call him back later."
"He's not just wound up because of me. Cayde went off on one of his damn personal missions again. He's been out of contact for two weeks. That always drives Andal up a wall."
Suzume knocked into his shoulder. "I know," she said. "But it would help if you talked to him so he knows you're okay."
Shiro closed the door behind him and blew out an exasperated breath. "I'll call Andal after I clean up, all right?"
"Let me fix your knee first."
Shiro yanked the obstructing shrapnel out in one brutal motion. Every nerve it hadn't deadened fired at once, and he heaved a gasp and set his jaw and tried to stay upright. The soothing glow of Suzume's Light fell over him a second later, smoothing the pain's jagged edges until it had been washed away completely, and the delicate nerves had reconnected enough that he could stumble a few steps toward his bedroom. Just had to get the armor off, get the armor cleaned up, get himself cleaned up, and maybe find the strength to get something to eat before he called Andal and tried not to nod off wherever he ended up.
A faint clatter came from his kitchen and he froze mid-step, knee still tingling from its restoration. He hadn't heard anyone when he'd come in, but between the stabbing pain and the overwhelming aggravation, he hadn't been paying a lot of attention to whether or not he had an uninvited guest rifling through his home. Shiro snapped Trespasser out of its holster and to the ready right as the soft shuffle of footsteps reached the kitchen's threshold and came to a stop.
"Shiro," Tevis said, "why the hell isn't there any food in your kitchen?"
Because he'd been on an assignment for Andal. Because he'd forgotten to pick some up after the last batch spoiled from being in there for so long. Because sometimes he ate those specially formulated rations rather than bother with cooking. Shiro didn't say any of that, though. All that came out as he holstered Trespasser was, "Tevis, what the fuck are you doing here?"
Tevis shrugged. If he was bothered by the harsh tone, he didn't show it. The sunlight streaming through the windows caught him in their waning beams and made him look softer than his usual scowl would suggest. His long dark hair was damp, and pulled up in a loose bun, and he was, for the first time in forever, not dressed in his field gear. Instead, he'd opted for a faded black and yellow hoodie that hung far too loosely on his wiry frame to actually belong to him, and a pair of soft grey pants Shiro was pretty sure he'd stolen from Andal, because they were identical to what Andal always wore when he was relaxing, and because Tevis had rolled the bottoms of the pant legs up so they weren't too long for him.
"Is that my sweatshirt?" Shiro asked, a long moment later.
"Maybe."
"Did you let yourself into my apartment?"
"You said any one of us was always welcome here. You excluding me from that now?"
"No," Shiro grumbled. "I'm just surprised you took me up on it. I thought you hated being in the City."
Tevis gave another half-hearted shrug. "You're out of food," he said, shouldering by on his way to the door, and the boots he'd left there. He snatched the piece of shrapnel out of Shiro's hand with an eyeroll. "Go clean up. I'll be back."
It took Shiro the entire time he was scrubbing his armor, then himself, plus the time he spent perched at the counter in the kitchen watching Tevis lay out ingredients and cook, to realize what else was different: th dark circles set against the pale skin below his eyes were faded. "You don't look completely exhausted," Shiro said. "What changed?"
"Slept on your couch."
"What?"
Tevis stared at him disdainfully. "I took a damn nap. Aren't you supposed to call Andal?"
A single nap wouldn't fix that kind of fatigue. Shiro cast him a skeptical glance. Tevis, despite clearly noticing the gaze, carried on cooking as if he hadn't. They stayed in that silent stalemate for a long few moments until Tevis sighed, slapped the spoon down on the counter, tugged his communicator out of his pocket, and tapped a few keys. It buzzed a few times, then clicked as it connected.
"Tevis," Andal said. He sounded surprised, but in a delighted way, like he always did when he didn't have to try seven times to get Tevis to pick up the comm. Shiro hid a grin behind his hand. "It's good to hear from you."
Tevis tried to scowl, but warmth bled around the edges of it until it was a poorly suppressed smile. "I'm with Shiro. He's fine."
Andal let out an audibly relieved breath. "Good," he said. "Is he getting some rest?"
"He will be after I make him eat something. Has the damn Vanguard buried you in reports again?"
Andal groaned. "You don't wanna know."
"Tev is making dinner. You should join us," Shiro cut in, and Andal laughed. It sounded just shy of desperation. Shiro caught Tevis's flinch, there and gone in the same instant.
"I'll be there," Andal promised, and paused. There was a loud slam, then another voice in the background: high and agitated, prattling on about something, something, Dead Orbit. Andal gave a resigned sigh. "I have to go. See you soon. I hope."
Tevis frowned as he slipped the comm back into his pocket. "Think it'd get him in trouble if I kidnapped him?"
Shiro hummed noncommittally. There was a nonzero chance that Tevis would try it if he said anything one way or the other: either because Shiro had encouraged it, or because he wanted to be a jackass and prove Shiro wrong. Both branches led to the same root, though: Tevis missed Andal the same as Shiro did. "I think," Shiro said, by way of diversion, "that you should tell me why you don't look half dead."
Tevis's expression didn't sour like he thought it would. Usually, the answer to 'why are you less zombified' was 'copious amounts of caffeine', which launched them into an argument that went back and forth with no real resolution. This time, Tevis's face shuttered. He didn't move from his spot by the stovetop, slowly stirring the mix of fried vegetables, but his shoulders hunched, and his grip on the spoon tightened until his forearm was trembling.
"You were gone a couple of days," he muttered. "I slept through most of them."
Shiro leaned forward to scrutinize him and Tevis turned his full attention to carefully checking each spoonful. It wasn't quite a refusal, but it was a step back, so Shiro let the silence be. More than once, Tevis had mentioned that the Void's Devour let him feel traces of Light, and that each trace was different depending on whose it was. Some he was indifferent to; they were noise and nothing more. Others set him on a knife's edge. But while he claimed that Shiro's and Andal's and Cayde's traces fell into the first category, none of them had ever believed him. Whether Tevis realized it or not, he relaxed the stiff set of his spine when he was in a place suffused by their presence, like he only felt safe enough to let himself rest if he was surrounded by those soft echoes.
He'd probably never say it unless someone was dying, of course, but that unspoken trust made Shiro's heart turn, and he reached out to clasp Tevis's wrist with a touch so light it was almost nonexistent. "I'm glad you got some rest," he said, and squeezed gently.
Tevis huffed a vague acknowledgement, though he let the touch be. His shoulders relaxed. "You heard anything from Cayde lately?"
"Nothing since he left."
"You think he'll be okay after he finds whatever's in the next journal?"
Shiro sighed. At some point in one of Cayde's previous lives, one of them had decided to leave notes and mementos in various caches, to forge a better foundation for whoever came after, and to give the next self a good shot at being a good man. Shiro didn't know which past Cayde had started it, or why, but he suspected one of them had been someone their Cayde-6 would have shot on sight, and that if he did enough poking around about Caydes one through five, sooner or later he was going to turn it up, in which case 'okay' was going to get really relative.
"I don't know," Shiro said honestly.
Tevis tilted his head in something like agreement. "I wish he'd at least check in with Andal," he grumbled. "Pretty sure we're gonna be out another Hunter Vanguard if he keeps stressing him out like this."
"I'll try talking to him about it."
"Good luck."
Shiro blew out a disbelieving breath. "You realize how it sounds when you complain about someone else not answering their comm, right?"
Tevis made a show of plucking Shiro's hand off his wrist, as if it had only started offending him after the jab. He did it with a blank expression that was so at odds with the drama of the removal that Shiro couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of him. "You're such a pain in the ass," Tevis said fondly, and reached across the counter to shove his shoulder. "Go get me the rest of the vegetables out of the fridge."
Andal didn't turn up until the rest of the food was nearly done, and he didn't so much stroll in as he did stagger. Tevis's eyes tracked him as he shrugged off his cloak and toed off his boots. When he finally looked up to meet their gazes, Shiro flinched. Andal's long hair was half pulled into a bun that must have come apart hours ago. His dark eyes were distant. There was a streak of dried blood on the warm brown skin of his cheek, like he'd cut himself shaving and forgotten to clean it off - or gotten grazed by a knife.
"You look like hell," Tevis said. "When's the last fucking time you slept?"
If Andal heard him, he didn't show it. He padded across the floor and eased down onto a stool next to Shiro, then slumped against the counter and buried his head in his arms. "Has anyone heard from Cayde?" he asked, and despite his valiant attempt to smother the ragged desperation, his voice still cracked.
Shiro's chest ached. "Not yet," he offered gently, before Tevis could spit whatever acrid opinion on Cayde's contact frequency he clearly had burning on his tongue. "He's usually back inside of a month, though, so it shouldn't be much longer."
Andal didn't answer, but the tense line in his shoulders curled that much tighter. Shiro rested a hand on his back, and Andal pushed himself upright in several halting motions. "You cooked for us," he said, with a faltering smile at Tevis. "Reviving an old tradition?"
Tevis scoffed. "It wasn't a tradition. I only made dinner back then because I didn't trust Cayde not to poison us. Wouldn't have been on purpose, but it also wouldn't have been pleasant."
"For you two, anyway," Shiro supplied. "And Lush, when he was still around."
Andal tried to laugh at that. It didn't make it to his eyes. Shiro exchanged a look with Tevis, and got to his feet to get the plates. "Dinner, shower, sleep," Tevis said, manhandling Andal to the table, where the chair had a back he could lean against. "In that order."
"Which one of us is Vanguard again?" Andal muttered, picking at the plate Shiro had set in front of him. At Tevis's stare, he managed a few actual bites, then went back to absently staring into the distance while he fiddled with an errant vegetable.
Maybe Tevis had a point about being out another Vanguard if things kept up this way. Shiro ate his own dinner slowly, mostly because the exhaustion he'd buried beneath his concern was now welling up again. His movements flagged, and he caught Tevis shooting him a sharp glance, but he was more concerned with the fact that Andal seemed to have given up pretenses entirely, and was now staring blankly out the window, dinner completely forgotten. Shiro had just made up his mind to say something when Andal jolted suddenly, set his fork down, and pushed the barely touched plate away. "Sorry," he blurted. "It's good. It's - I can't right now."
Tevis gave him a considering glance, then stood to round the table and haul him to his feet. "All right," he said. "C'mon. The shower and the sleep aren't suggestions."
"All of my clothes are back at the Tower."
"You're gonna borrow some of Shiro's."
Andal cast him an annoyed look. Shiro had just enough time to catch it before Tevis hauled Andal off to the bedroom, threw some of Shiro's clean clothes at his head, shoved him bodily into the adjoining bathroom, and slammed the door.
"You're an ass," Andal called, voice muffled, and Tevis banged a fist on the door twice in a wordless demand: get moving . He stayed there until the water started running, smacked the door one more time for good measure, and returned to the kitchen to start clearing the table. Shiro watched him blankly for a second, then moved to get up - and just as quickly found himself being pushed back into his seat.
"You look like death," Tevis informed him briskly. "Stay put."
"You know I don't technically get tired. I just feel-"
"Stay. Put."
Shiro shot him a side-eye. Tevis was too busy dumping leftovers into containers and storing them in the fridge to notice it. He was wound tight; Shiro could almost see the pressure physically building in his chest. "I can help clean up," he hazarded, bracing for a glower that didn't come. "You already made dinner."
"I don't need your help," Tevis returned, already elbow deep in dish suds. "Fuck off."
"It's not that you need me to help. It's that I want to."
Tevis's only answer was to roll his eyes and carry on scrubbing the dishes with more force than he really needed. Once he finished, he moved on to meticulously drying each plate, and Shiro risked pushing himself to his feet and crossing the small distance between them. Wordlessly, he held out a hand. Tevis smacked it away.
"I told you to stay put," he muttered, and there was a raw edge to his voice that he tried to pass off as anger. If Shiro didn't know him so well, he would've believed it. Instead, he gently settled an arm around Tevis's shoulders and squeezed once.
"I'm okay, Tev," he said quietly.
Tevis snapped to face him. His eyes swept over Shiro's face, at first scrutinizing, and then, more softly, in a careful scan. He stayed like that for a long few moments until, at last, some of the tension in his shoulders relaxed. "If you're gonna be a pain about it, fine, you can help," he grumbled, and flung the dish towel at Shiro's head.
They'd barely finished cleaning when Andal finally appeared, clothed in loose pants he'd had to tie twice and an oversized long-sleeve t-shirt with a ridiculous Sparrow racing league logo emblazoned on it. Shiro couldn't recall ever receiving it, but he knew Cayde was good friends with Marcus Ren, and Marcus Ren was known to produce both outlandish ideas and merchandise, on top of whatever death trap he'd cooked up for his next "competition". Odd shirts were probably the most normal thing to come from that workshop, and Cayde was just the sort of person to snatch one up on his way out.
Andal looked down at the shirt with a small smile. "I didn't know you were such a Sparrow league fan, Shiro."
Shiro sighed. "I'm not. And can you even call it a league? It's mostly just Marcus and Enoch doing crazy stunts on patrols in the EDZ."
Andal shrugged and sank onto the couch, nestling down into the cushions with a sigh. He settled on his side, with one arm curled beneath his head, but despite the fatigue that was clearly set heavy in every bone of his body, he didn't close his eyes. His gaze turned distant, and behind the haze of old stress and overwhelming exhaustion, there was only sadness.
Tevis flicked off the lights before he moved to sit carefully beside him. One of his hands hovered uncertainly, then slowly lowered to settle on Andal's hair. "Close your eyes and get some sleep," he said quietly, combing a few strands back. "You need it."
Andal pressed his eyes closed and grimaced. "I'm not going to sleep well while Cayde's not here."
"Better shitty sleep than no sleep. I think you told me that."
"Don't use my own words against me."
"Stop saying things that makes sense, then."
"If it makes so much damn sense, then why don't you listen to me more?" Andal huffed.
"That's what I keep asking him too," Shiro chimed in, easing down onto the floor in front of them and tilting his head back to rest against the couch's cushion. He was just getting comfortable when Tevis curled stubborn fingers around the collar of his sweatshirt and yanked until Shiro got the idea, fumbled half upright, and all but fell onto the couch on Tevis's other side.
"Sitting on the fucking floor." Tevis made a face that came very close to disgust. "The hell do you even have a couch for?"
With Andal lying on his side and Tevis right next to him, adding Shiro's large frame meant that they were all pressed tightly together, even with how much smaller Tevis was. Shiro shifted carefully. Generally, they as a pack tended to avoid crushing Tevis between them; he could be tense and flighty on his best days, so if they collapsed in a pile, he took a spot on the edge, no questions asked. It worked out fine, since Shiro was mostly okay with wherever he ended up, and Cayde and Andal craved physical affection and contact like nothing else, so they'd happily sprawl in a tangle of limbs any time. Tevis initiating anything like that, though - that was rare.
Gingerly, Shiro leaned back and rested an arm around Tevis's shoulders. "You should get some sleep too," he said.
Tevis snorted. "I slept for most of the last four days."
"You almost never sleep otherwise. Couple more hours can't hurt."
"Quiet," Andal mumbled. He was curled in on himself, like he always was when he wanted Cayde to lie down behind him and wrap himself around him. His eyes weren't so much closed now as they were squeezed shut. It made Shiro's chest ache.
Tevis noticed too. His thumb brushed a soothing line along Andal's brow. "Cayde'll be all right," he murmured. "He's got luck in spades."
"He promised me he'd stay in contact this time."
"Digging into that shit always messes with his head, Andal. He's probably just caught up in it."
"He always keeps his word." Andal's voice cracked, and not for the first time Shiro wished he'd pushed Cayde into telling them where he was going, so he could fly there and drag him back. Suzume and Astraea were constantly monitoring their usual comm lines and sending out requests for an immediate response, so if anything came through, they'd know immediately. The knowledge didn't soothe him, though, and he knew it wouldn't soothe Andal or Tevis, either. At this point, only Cayde could do that.
“He might be in a dead comms zone,” Shiro said. “I'm sure he'll check in when he can.”
He got a shuddery breath in response, and nothing else. In the dim light coming from the kitchen, he could make out the faint gleam of tears on Andal's cheeks. Tevis must have seen it too; he eased forward, tugging at Andal until he sat up and let himself be pulled in closer. He fell to rest against Tevis's chest, head tucked beneath his chin, and Shiro wrapped an arm around both of them and held tight.
“Cayde'll be okay,” Tevis repeated. Shiro felt him tense, and then relax, once, and then again, like he was reminding himself he was safe, and not trapped. “Try to sleep. Our Ghosts hear anything, they'll let us know.”
Andal didn't respond. Another tremor shivered down his spine as he breathed. Tevis smoothed soothing circles into his back, and Shiro reached over to rest a hand on Andal's shoulder. He hated the damn Vanguard sometimes: not the people, or even the body as an organizational concept, but as something that hurt Andal - something that kept him in the Tower, away from them, where they didn't know when he was close to breaking, and couldn't bring himself to say it.
“Try to sleep,” Tevis whispered again, once Andal stopped trembling. “We'll wake you if we hear anything.”
Shiro didn't follow suit, even when he heard Andal's breathing deepen. “I know you're still awake, Tev,” he said, as softly as he could manage.
Tevis's cheek pressed against his arm. “So are you. Shut the fuck up and pass out already.”
“You first.”
That earned him a warm chuckle, so soft and light that Shiro's first retort formed and died before he could say it. “You're nicer when you sleep for four days straight,” he managed at last. “You should do that more often.”
Tevis blew out a short breath that sounded more like a laugh. “My head's a lot quieter when you're all around.”
Warmth swelled in Shiro's chest. If he brought it up in the morning, Tevis would scowl and vehemently deny it. For now, though, he was safe in the familiar comfort of the darkness, and shielded from the bright glare of his own honesty. “I'm glad,” Shiro said. He wrapped the fingers of his free hand around Tevis's wrist and pressed them to the steady thrum of his pulse.
He didn't remember letting it lull him off to sleep, only snapping awake to the world rocking around him. It took him an embarrassingly long moment to realize it was because Andal had launched himself out of the tangle of limbs and across the room. It was still dark. The door to the apartment hallway was open, silhouetting a familiar figure standing just inside.
“Hey,” Cayde said. “Sorry to drop by unannounced. I-”
Cayde cut himself off with a loud oof that Shiro registered as him absorbing Andal's impact. “Hi,” Cayde croaked, like he'd gotten the wind knocked out of him. “Miss me much?”
If Andal was coherent enough to talk, he didn't. Shiro was vaguely and then intensely aware that Tevis had gotten up too, because the lights turned on and sent a bright spike straight through his eyes. It only took a fraction of a second for his visual sensors to adjust, but it felt like an eternity, and he swept his gaze over Cayde as soon as he could make out more than a blurry outline.
Their gunslinger was clad in his field gear; it was scorched and torn. The pants were tattered, the entire left sleeve of the shirt was missing, and from what Shiro could see past Andal's clinging form, there was a large slash torn across the chest. He winced to think of what might have caused it, and he knew without having to check that Tevis had cataloged the same.
Still, it wasn't the sorry state of Cayde’s gear that made his heart turn over sickeningly. It was that Andal had been hanging on for a few minutes now, and Cayde hadn't moved at all. His arms hung at his sides, tense and trembling, as if he wasn't sure what to do with them. The glow of his eyes didn't have the usual gleam of mischief: only some vast distance, and a deep well of churning uncertainty. It was like he was trapped between his desire to stay and some overwhelming urge to escape, and the pull of the two opposing forces was tearing him apart.
Andal let go and eased back to look him in the face. His eyes were blown wide and searching, and they bled more desperation than he'd ever admit. He stood there silently for a few beats, and then slowly raised his hand as if to set it gently against Cayde's cheek.
Cayde flinched away, from the touch and from Andal himself. His breath hitched, and he took a decisive step back. “Sorry,” he blurted, like the words had been forced out of him. “I'm gonna go clean up. Back at my ship. Really shoulda done that to begin with, before I tracked dirt onto Shiro's nice floors. I'll, uh - we'll talk later, okay?”
“No.” Tevis's single word stopped him cold. “There's a damn shower here, Cayde.”
Cayde shrugged awkwardly. “Mine's better?”
Tevis stalked across the space between them and stopped a few inches away. He didn't grab him or push him or drag him in; he only raised a finger and stabbed it toward the interior of the apartment in a silent demand. Shiro watched Cayde start to protest, summoning whatever will he had left beneath the exhaustion set heavy in every line of his frame. He only made it as far as opening his mouth before that small surge of flame flickered and died, and he ducked his head and slipped past them. The bathroom door clicked shut, and the water started running.
Andal hadn't moved, except to let his hands fall to his sides. He blew out a ragged breath. “I'll find him some clothes,” he muttered, and brushed by. Shiro watched him until he disappeared into the bedroom, peripherally aware of Tevis closing the door.
“Guess that answers my question,” Tevis said, massaging the bridge of his nose between his thumb and finger. “Damn it, what the hell did he find?”
Shiro shook his head. It might not be exclusively related to Cayde's quest to turn up any other journals that could be out there; the universe was a big place, and he'd met as many people that loved him as he had people that wanted to kill him. Maybe it was an old enemy. Maybe it was a buried nightmare, resurrected to torment him again. Maybe it was the damn journal after all, and Cayde had learned something about a past self that he wished he hadn't.
“Could be a lot of things ” Shiro answered at last. “Whatever it is, it's hitting him pretty hard.”
“He stayed, though. That's good.” Tevis's voice bled relief as he moved to the kitchen and started unpacking leftovers from the fridge to be reheated. They both knew if Cayde didn't want to be here, he wouldn't. “Go talk him into coming out here when he's done.”
All the lights were off in the bedroom, save a single lamp. Shiro could just make out Andal, sitting with his back to the wall and knees pulled to his chest. He was at least half trying to seem like the sheen in his eyes was from exhaustion, and not because Cayde pulling away had hit him like a punch to the gut. “He'll be a while,” Andal said, without looking up.
“I know,” Shiro returned softly, easing to sit cross-legged in front of him. What he didn't say, Shiro already knew: Cayde usually let Andal help, after he got back from these kinds of missions - reached for him instead of pushing him away. Let himself stay close instead of suffering alone, even if they didn't talk about whatever he'd found for a couple weeks. Grief flared in Andal's eyes every time they darted toward the bathroom door: that he was out here, apart, instead of in there, holding Cayde together.
Tevis was rattling around the kitchen. There was a loud clatter, a series of creative expletives that Shiro wasn't completely sure were technically words, and then some distant grumbling, but no serious cries of pain, so he stayed where he was. Andal didn't comment on it, either - he barely seemed to have noticed the noise. He'd cleaned the small cut on his face when he'd showered, though he must not have asked, or allowed, Astraea to heal it. It remained an angry line on his cheek that he was idly tracing with a finger.
“How'd that happen?” Shiro asked, to fill the silence, and also to find out if he needed to shoot someone.
Andal started. His hands dropped into his lap. “It was nothing,” he said, and shrugged half-heartedly. “Someone broke into my office. I dodged when he threw his knife, but it still grazed me on the way by.”
Shiro jolted, suddenly wide awake. “Someone tried to kill you?” he demanded, in a harsh and disbelieving whisper. “Andal, what the hell? Why didn't you say something?”
Andal stared at him blankly. “I lived, didn't I?”
“Was it another Guardian?”
“Well, a Lightbearer. He kept babbling about the Darkness and salvation. I wasn't really listening. I took him down. He's in Vanguard custody now.” Andal touched the cut absently. “He did something to his knife, though. A corruption, or a poison. Astraea cleansed the cut, but she couldn't get it to heal.”
Shiro's stomach turned. It had missed his head, Andal had said. If he had been slower, or startled, or hesitated for even a fraction of a second, it would have speared his skull - and that wasn't an injury you bounced back from. Astraea couldn't heal the cut. Maybe she wouldn't have been able to bring him back from a corrupted death, either. “When did this happen?”
“Sometime after I talked to you but before Tev called. Why?”
Shiro didn't have words. Andal was overstressed, overwhelmed, and then almost assassinated, and all he'd asked when they'd called was if they were okay. All he'd wanted to hear about when he arrived was if they'd heard from Cayde. Shiro didn't know if he wanted to scream and shake him or hug him and never let go. Typical Andal. Typical idiot. “I'm telling Tev,” Shiro decided, once he regained the ability to speak. “What the hell , Andal?”
Andal shrugged again. “I know Tev said you're okay, but I never asked you. Was he right?”
“You could've died your Final Death today and that's what you wanna talk about?”
Andal snorted. “Have a little faith in me, Shiro. I might be the Vanguard, but that doesn't mean I've stopped training.”
“I do have faith in you,” Shiro shot back. “I always will. But someone was trying to kill you. Permanently. It could've gone sideways.”
“I know. But it didn't, and I'm still here.” Andal tried for a smile. “And I want to know if you're all right.”
Shiro blew out an exasperated breath. Andal wasn't unreasonable on most things; he'd back down in an argument if he thought he was wrong. But if anyone else had been attacked like that, he'd be climbing the walls over it, and somehow, despite all of the aptitudes that had earned him the title of mastermind, he'd convinced himself he wasn't worthy of the same - that because it was him, pack leader and Hunter Vanguard, he should shoulder the fallout alone. Not even Cayde had figured out how it worked, so Shiro wasn't about to try now.
“I'm fine. Just tired,” Shiro said, resigned. “Tev's been trying to help, in his own way.”
“I noticed.”
“He's a little aggressive about it.”
Andal huffed a laugh. “Just a little.”
His eyes drifted back to the door, and that grief flashed in them again, stark enough to make Shiro's heart turn. He leaned forward, took hold of Andal's shoulders, and pulled him into a crushing hug, and he didn't let go until that damned door finally opened and Cayde stumbled out, drowning in one of Shiro's many hooded sweatshirts, and fiddling with one of the strings you could use to tighten the hood. His pants, oddly enough, fit perfectly.
“Are you keeping stashes of your clothes in my apartment again?” Shiro asked, trying desperately for a bit of levity.
Cayde shrugged and jammed his hands into the hoodie's pocket. He avoided Shiro's gaze completely, but Shiro caught the quick, habitual scan he did of Andal. The expression he had when he realized he'd done it was oddly close to guilt. “Is Tevis gonna kill me if I don't eat his cooking?” he asked, rocking back on his heels and staring somewhere behind Shiro's head.
“He might.”
“Guess it's death by Tev's cooking, then.”
“You're just jealous because his food is better than yours.”
“It absolutely is not.”
The panicked vulnerability wasn't gone, only covered by a playful smile. It was Cayde's instinct to mask his pain with a joke and a grin, the same way Tevis deflected with a scowl and a jab, and Andal redirected with a gentle touch and a warm smile. Shiro knew that, he'd seen it a thousand times - and somehow, it never failed to make his chest ache. He gave Cayde a slight push toward the kitchen. “Go eat while it's hot.”
Cayde's gaze flickered to Andal again, before he tore it away and abruptly traipsed off to the kitchen with a sing-song, “Oh, Te-vis, Shiro said you're gonna make me eat your poison.”
Andal made a noise that was probably supposed to sound like a laugh, and came out as a miserable groan. He dragged a hand down his face. “I should go. Whatever's wrong, I'm making it worse.”
If Andal left, Cayde might implode. “Stay in here.”
“What?”
Shiro waved at the bed. “Sleep,” he said. “Give Tev and I some time to figure this out.”
Andal blinked at him skeptically. Still, when Shiro tugged the covers back, Andal moved to slide beneath them without complaint. Shiro took a minute to settle him in, then pressed a hand to his shoulder and squeezed gently. “Rest. I'll come and get you if we need you.”
If Andal heard him, he didn't respond. Shiro waited a moment, until he was sure Andal wasn't just faking relaxation, flicked off the lamp, and slipped out to join the others in the kitchen. Usually Cayde perched on a stool at the counter, balancing in increasingly convoluted ways while he steadily worked through his meal. Tonight, he was quiet at the table, stirring his food around his plate while Tevis sat across from him with his arms folded and pretended not to notice. Shiro slipped into a seat beside him.
“What happened to Andal?” Cayde asked, without looking up.
“I told him to rest. He had a hell of a day.” It wasn't what Cayde meant to have answered; he'd noticed the unhealed cut, too. But it wasn't like Shiro could explain that while he still seemed two seconds from bolting.
“Oh.” Cayde's eyes snapped to the open bedroom door with such a look of pained longing that it made Shiro's chest tight to see it. He stopped fiddling with the food on his plate, completely fixated, and completely unmoving. It was the same as when he'd first stepped through the door and hadn't been able to raise his arms to cradle Andal close: like he was afraid to, or not sure if he should, but he desperately wanted to anyway.
“You can go to him, you know,” Tevis pointed out, with an eyeroll. “Doubt he's even asleep yet anyway.”
Cayde's breath hitched. “Nope,” he forced out, past a weird little hiccup. His plate of ill-treated food regained his full attention. “Let him sleep.”
“You're just gonna sulk out here the rest of the night?”
“Nah, thought I'd head out after I eat.”
“Not with my hoodie, you don't,” Shiro cut in. “You still haven't returned the last one.”
Cayde clutched at the sweatshirt like he thought Shiro would actually try to wrangle it off him if he didn't have a tight grip on it. “They're comfortable.”
“If you leave, that stays.”
Cayde huffed at him. “Really not giving me a lot of choices here, are ya?”
“Eat,” Tevis reminded tiredly. “You're gonna have mush if you keep picking at it like that.”
“When did you become such a connoisseur?”
“Just eat your fucking dinner, Cayde.”
Cayde slumped in his chair. “Yeah,” he said, after a minute. “Sorry. Not happening. It's, uh, nothing wrong with the food.”
His gaze was locked on the bedroom doorway again. He tightened his grip on his fork, as if he could will himself to stay put that way, then opened his mouth and snapped it shut just as quickly. That strange guilt-ridden fear passed over his face for a second time. Shiro leaned forward to rest a hand on his wrist, so slowly and gently that it took him a solid few seconds to actually make contact after he started the motion.
Cayde stared at the touch like he wasn't sure if he should accept it. That kind of hesitation was an odd look on him. He was as tactile as they came: a hand on the shoulder here, an arm slung across the back there, always nodding off against whoever was closest. He'd never bothered with deserve , only with allowed . “Hey,” Shiro said, so quiet it was almost a whisper. “Something bad happen out there?”
Cayde didn't move: not to deny it, not to crack a joke, not to storm away, and not to collapse in on himself. What little Shiro could see of the glow of his eyes was sharp with panic. His jaw trembled. “Yeah,” he managed. “Something like that.”
“You wanna talk about it?” Shiro asked, and when Cayde glanced past him, tried, “You want me to get Andal?”
“I can't tell Andal,” Cayde exploded, a harsh and desperate whisper.
Shiro exchanged a look with Tevis, and smoothed a soothing circle against Cayde's arm with his thumb. The only sound between them was the hoarse rasp of Cayde's breathing, strangled and low, and the longer the quiet went on, the worse it got, until he tugged away to drop his head into his hands. “I should go,” he whispered. “This is my damn problem.”
“You've been making your problems my problems for centuries now,” Tevis scoffed. “The hell's one more?”
Cayde made a noise that was more sob than laugh, and Shiro settled an arm around his shoulders. “Was it the journals?”
Cayde's next inhale was higher and more ragged. “Yeah,” he croaked a long few moments later, and stopped to heave a nervous chuckle. “Was, uh, different, though. Never actually felt like I was - like it was me who…”
Shiro tightened his hold: not enough to spook him into bolting, only enough to ground him. He remembered with sickening clarity what he'd said to Tevis earlier, about Caydes one through five, and knew without having to ask that the tremors running down Cayde's spine were from his memories of someone else's nightmare. “It wasn't you,” he reminded.
“Felt like it was.” Cayde lowered his hands to look at them. They trembled, and he stared at them as if he expected them to be less unremarkable: to be scorched and battered and covered in blood. “This guy - this other me. Think he was a mercenary. Hurt a lot of people that didn't deserve it. I mean, a lot. He kept a log of all his jobs, too. The me that made the journal, he'd found it. And he put it in there. I think he was the one that started everything. All the record-keeping. All the notes for the next man, hoping he wouldn't turn out like the one before.”
Cayde stopped to draw a struggling breath. “Wasn't in the records, but when I read ‘em, I remembered. Like, really remembered. I don't know how long it was I was just sitting there. But this mercenary guy, he had a partner. Inseparable, for life kinda deal. I don't know what happened, exactly. If it was on purpose. I just know he killed him, the same as the rest.”
“Shit,” Tevis muttered, and Shiro tensed and braced, and saw him do the same: half a step ahead of Cayde’s recollection and already making the connection. His own chest was too tight. Cayde's breathing quickened. A staticky wheeze escaped him.
“It's not always the other me and his partner I see in my head,” Cayde forced, voice cracking and breaking in a rush. “It's me, and it's Andal. And he's dying, and I'm holding the knife, and I'm holding him, and his blood is…”
He flexed his fingers slightly, as if he was reminding himself they were clean, and not curled around a weapon. A choked sob wrenched its way out of his throat, and he curled in on himself while his shoulders heaved.
Shiro barely registered the soft pad of footsteps, but he knew it had to be Andal. So did Cayde. His head snapped up and around, and his fear-blown eyes locked on Andal, barely a few steps out of the bedroom.
“You been there the whole time?” Cayde whispered.
Andal shook his head. “I could hear you from the bedroom,” he answered, voice impossibly soft. He grimaced, and dragged a hand through his disheveled hair. “I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. It's just - you sounded like you were crying, and I couldn't just…”
His voice failed him, and he shrugged helplessly. When Cayde didn't move, Andal did, crossing the room and coming to a stop beside him. The whole way, Cayde's eyes never left him. For a long moment, all they did was look at one another, locked in some silent exchange that only they could understand. At last, Cayde raised a trembling hand and slowly, agonizingly, let it come to rest against Andal's cheek in the barest whisper of a touch.
“Sorry,” he said, punched out. “Meant to call you.”
Andal hesitated, then leaned into the warmth and lifted his own hand to press it atop Cayde's. “It's okay,” he returned, still with that impossible softness, and for all of the grief and pain written across Cayde's face, he melted at it. “You're home now. That's all that matters.”
Shiro squeezed Cayde's shoulders a final time and pushed himself to his feet to cede the space to Andal. No sooner had he moved than Andal was in Cayde's lap, holding and letting himself be held, smoothing his hands down his back and pressing their foreheads together and whispering quiet reassurance.
“They should still eat something,” Tevis muttered, from his new spot at the counter. Shiro slipped onto the stool beside him, and propped an elbow on his shoulder.
“They can eat in the morning. They're gonna have a hell of a conversation first.”
Tevis cast a glance at the clock, and then the window, where the faintest light of dawn was beginning to break the horizon. “It is morning.”
Shiro followed his line of sight blearily. “Oh. Right.”
Tevis glanced at Cayde and Andal, talking too lowly to be heard, and stood, pulling Shiro with him. “C'mon,” he said. “There's a market that's open at dawn.”
Shiro stared at him like he'd just said his dream was to be the next Hunter Vanguard. Fatigue sat heavy in every line of his frame. Go to a market at dawn? Sure, any other day. Right now, all he wanted to do was collapse in a quiet corner and sleep. Tevis knew that, he was sure, the same way he knew that if they stayed, Cayde wouldn't really talk to Andal about what had happened, and what he didn't say would fester like a wound. Better to give him the space now, exhaustion be damned.
Tevis's mouth twisted in faint regret. “Sorry,” he said, as he tugged him out the door. “You can pick a spot and stay there and I'll come back for you once I have everything.”
“I'm all right.”
“You're dead on your damn feet is what you are.”
“I'm staying with you.”
Tevis gave an exasperated sigh. That raw edge was back in his voice when he grumbled, “Fine, then keep up.”
Despite his words, Tevis led them through the quiet streets of the City at a leisurely stroll. The market was situated in an open square with a fountain in its center. Various vendors had set up shop around the perimeter, and while the walkways weren't packed yet, Shiro guessed they would be in a few hours. “You come here a lot?”
“Only when you get on my ass about not visiting enough.”
Shiro hadn't had to bother him about coming to see the rest of them in a long time, mostly, he guessed, because Tevis had finally begrudgingly admitted to himself that he missed them. Not that he'd say that. “Never pinned you as an early riser.”
Tevis snorted disdainfully. “Is it getting up early if you were never asleep?”
Shiro rolled his eyes. Tevis stopped suddenly to look over some fruit, and he only narrowly avoided knocking into him. “You like strawberries, right?” Tevis asked, scrutinizing the carton as though he expected there to be a tiny thrall tucked away in it, ready to attack.
Shiro shoved his head, lightly. “Yeah. So do Andal and Cayde. Stop looking at the fruit like that. It's not going to bite you.”
“Never said it was.”
“No, you make that damned face whenever you think something's going to attack you. I've seen you do it at Cayde, too.”
“I'm sure he deserved it.”
“Just get the damned berries, Tev.”
Tevis didn't argue on that point, at least, though he did shove the bag at Shiro after the fact. “Did you bring me along just to carry your stuff?” Shiro huffed, but took the bag anyway.
Tevis gave a low laugh and shook his head, and in the light cast by the sun's slow rise, he looked more at peace than Shiro could ever remember seeing him. The slight smile curling the corner of his mouth glowed with genuine warmth. There was still tension strung along his spine, and Shiro guessed maybe there always would be. Still, even so, this was miles from the bloodshot ghost of a man Tevis became when he spent too long on his own, running solo with nothing but the Void in his veins.
“It's good to see you like this,” Shiro said quietly.
Tevis tossed him a confused glance. “The hell are you talking about? I look the same as I always do.”
Relaxed. Happy. Safe with the people he cared about, and unwilling to admit it in the daylight under pain of death. “Nothing,” Shiro returned, trying to bite back the smile in his own voice. “Don't worry about it.”
Tevis arched an eyebrow at him, though he did let it be. “I meant to ask you before. You know what happened to Andal?”
“Someone tried to assassinate him with a corrupted blade. He dodged. They fought. He won. Apparently it's ‘nothing’.”
Tevis stopped dead in his tracks. “Fucking typical,” he groaned, and dragged a hand down his face. “What the hell?”
“That's what I said.”
“Bets on whether he tells Cayde?”
“If he doesn't, Astraea will.”
“Good. Someone's gotta get him to stop keeping that shit to himself.”
“You realize how that sounds, coming from you.”
Tevis gave an exaggerated huff. “Pain in the ass,” he said, and it was all warmth and fondness. He started walking again, and Shiro fell into step beside him. “You don't have to point it out every damn time.”
“Wouldn't feel right if I didn't.”
Tevis made a vague noise of amused acknowledgment, distracted by a vendor's fresh bread. He didn't talk again until they left that stall three bags heavier. His gaze had gone distant. “You think Andal'll get through to him?”
Shiro hummed. “If there's anyone that can, it's him.”
Tevis nodded agreeably, but there was a pinch to his brow that hadn't been there a moment ago. “Hell of a thing to go through.”
“He'll be okay, Tev.”
“I know.” Tevis was suddenly incredibly interested in a stand full of paintings and carvings. Shiro followed him around it for a while, until Tevis decided he'd spent a suitable amount of time avoiding the topic, and led them on. Shiro barely caught the flash of concern on his face, there and gone in a breath.
Shiro frowned. “What?”
Tevis didn't meet his eyes. “The memories,” he started, haltingly, like he didn't know if it was all right to ask. “The ones Cayde gets back when he reads those journals. You ever get anything like that?”
Nothing so intense or specific. Always scrambled. Sometimes cold. He was never sure if it bothered him or not. “No,” Shiro answered, after a beat. “Nothing clear. Why?”
Tevis inclined his head in his hack at an innocent shrug. “Just curious.”
“If I decide to start digging into my past, I'll leave the coordinates with Andal,” Shiro said dryly.
Tevis didn't answer for a long few moments. “Thanks,” he offered, avoiding Shiro's gaze again. “I mean it.”
Shiro clapped him on the back gently, and left his hand there, a grounding touch Tevis would, under other circumstances, shrug off with a scowl and a grumble. Today, he let it be without a word of complaint, and he didn't break his stride as he said, “Couple more things and we'll head back. They'll probably be done talking by then, and you can get some rest.”
Shiro followed him through the rest of the market, and then back along the waking City streets to his apartment. The lights were off inside, save the one in the kitchen. It cast enough of a halo to see Andal, curled up on the couch with Cayde wrapped protectively around him. “Hey,” Andal murmured, half awake, and with a content little smile. “Where'd you guys go?”
“To get breakfast,” Tevis said, voice pitched low and gentle as he toed off his boots. “Get some sleep. We can eat later.”
Shiro kicked his own shoes off and busied himself with storing their market purchases. Cayde had at least had the sense to put his unfinished food in the fridge, but had done so at such a haphazard angle that the container almost started an avalanche when Shiro moved it. He'd only just fixed it when Tevis's hands landed on his shoulders.
“Sleep,” Tevis ordered, maneuvering him to sit on the end of the couch. He left long enough to retrieve a pile of blankets from the closet, then meticulously tucked a few over each of them with intensely focused care. Cayde would have teased him about it if he had been more awake. As it was, he mumbled something that sounded vaguely like thanks.
Shiro caught Tevis's wrist before he could slip by. “You too,” he reminded, and tugged, once, to get Tevis to sit on the other side of him, at the end, because it was convenient, but also because it would be the easiest place to slip out of if the contact was too much.
“I already slept for almost four days,” Tevis pointed out. Still, he offered no resistance, and once he was settled, he nudged at Shiro's arm until he lifted it and settled it around him.
Shiro pulled the blankets up over them, pillowing his head on the back of the couch, and immediately felt Andal's fingers curl loosely around the sleeve of his sweatshirt. Cayde flailed his hand around until Tevis leaned over to take hold of it with a deep and unconvincing sigh, and Shiro stifled a laugh. By Tevis's side-eye, he wasn't completely successful.
“All of you shut up and pass the fuck out already,” Tevis muttered, and closed his eyes.
Shiro didn't follow suit - not for a while, anyway. It had been too long since they'd been together in the same place. He'd never thought about how much he'd loved the constant proximity until he'd lost it: until Andal had gone up to the Tower, and Cayde and Tevis off on their own into the Wilds. This, though - this was close enough. He had all of them around him, safe from everything that was always threatening to take them away, and he could feel their constant weight and let the soft rhythm of their breathing bring him peace.
That was everything, and it felt like enough.
----
30 notes
·
View notes
The Light We Feel - Chapter 5
On Jedha, things don't go according to plan, everything unravels.
My FAV chapter so far!
Hunter x fem!JediOC - 2k words.
Warnings: Injuries
Listening Recommendation: Let it Happen by Punch Brothers.
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4
Hunter's POV
To say the planet was hot would have been an understatement. The crew stood in the shade of the Marauder and took small sips of water as Tech fiddled with the locator’s coordinate map. “I just don’t understand.” He said. “There is some sort of frequency disrupting our gear. I can’t get a read on our heading.”
I splashed water onto my face and head, my hair dripping.
“I say we find somewhere to make camp. Look again with fresh eyes in the morning.” I took one last swig of water as I said it, and started for the on-ramp. We had been on Jedha for two days, searching caverns and temples, and had found some great artifacts, but no key. Thea was thrilled at the finds we had already secured. It brought a smile to my face just remembering her excitement when we unearthed an ancient Anchorite tablet. She prattled on and on with Tech about the significance of the find, and how best to store it. I stole a look at her as we all settled into the ship, Tech taking the helm. Her hair was up, and her face was tinted pink from the intense sun. She caught my gaze and gave me a tired smile. I had been meaning to talk with her, really talk, but privacy isn’t my brother’s strong suit. We landed near our next target area, Tech having narrowed down our best location guess to a ten mile radius of caverns and ridges. That’s when Echo piped up with a brilliant idea.
“Tomorrow morning we should split into teams. We can cover more ground that way.” I nod, “Great thinking Echo. We can each have a partner to search with, and rendezvous back here by nightfall.” Murmurs of approval around the group, and then Tech began assigning roles based on the challenges of each search area.
“Omega and I can take the ridges, I’m sure there will be some climbing involved. Hunter and Thea can take the caverns, Echo and Wrecker can take the plain lands between.”
“Sounds great.” Thea chipped in, and Wrecker waggled his eyebrows at me. I shot him a warning look and said
“Well let’s all get some shut eye. We will check in at dawn before heading out.” We all made to head for our bunks, but Thea still sat in the red dirt. She rubbed at her neck and shoulders, a pained expression on her face.
“You alright?” I called to her, headed back down the ramp. She noticed me and stood, wincing.
“Yeah” she said “Just a little sore. I haven’t been sleeping great the past few nights.” I nod, and feel like an idiot. Of course she wasn’t sleeping well, the cot in the hall of the Marauder slept like shit, and I was a shit leader for not stepping up and being a gentleman.
“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight.” I said flippantly, casually. It was only when I saw her panicked expression that I realized my mistake. “Without me! I’ll be on the cot tonight. You can take my bunk, and I’ll be on the cot. Not in my bunk- with you.” Real smooth. She laughed a bit and smirked. “I don’t mind the cot. I just have had some rough dreams lately.” I nod, understanding. I had nightmares too, especially since we lost Crosshair.
“Take the bunk.” I said. “That’s an order. You need rest for the search tomorrow.”
She stands and salutes me. “If you say so, I won’t argue.” She walks past me. I tried my best not to watch her go.
That night on the cot, I understood why she hadn’t been sleeping well. My bunkroom on the Marauder had thick blast proof walls, which were also sound dampening. Out in the open of the ship, every beep and click and whirl of mechanics kept me awake. I had to distract myself. I wish something else had come to mind, but all I could focus on was Thea in my bed. This was the second time she lay in my bed, and I didn’t share it with her. I wiped a hand over my face, my body heating as I imagined her curled on my sheets, head on my pillow. Stop, stop.
With some deep breaths I run over the plan for tomorrow, mapping out routes and strategies in my mind. Eventually I fell asleep.
—-
Thea’s POV.
I woke up in Hunter’s bed, again. It smelled like him. Though I could hear the men in the hallway, talking, I did all I could to stay and soak it all in. His bed was warm, his room tidy and so much like him. I knew I had to get moving, so reluctantly I met the boys in the ship’s common area, ready to go. As Tech debriefed with Echo, Wrecker and Omega about each one’s route, Hunter stood next to me by the wall.
“How’d you sleep?” His voice was gravelly with morning.
I smiled, “Actually really well for once. Thank you. I owe you one.” He smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Don’t mention it.” He said. “Ready? We can head out and get a start on the search. Plenty of ground to cover.” I nod and off we went.
Our first two caverns were a bust. After searching a third cavern we took a stop to rest and check in with the group via comms. Hunter had a small backpack with essentials- water, rations, and a few emergency items. I set down the Zyggerian energy bow I had borrowed from Omega and leaned against the stone wall. “Thirsty?” Hunter said as he handed me a canteen. The water was cool and refreshing, and I did my best not to gulp it down. This desert planet was sweltering during the day, but could hit freezing temperatures at night. We sat in silence for a moment, resting and enjoying the respite from the heat in the darkness of the cavern. A question ate at me. “Can I ask you something?” It came out before I could stop it. Hunter gave a curt nod and focused his eyes on me in response. “Why did you and your crew split from the Empire? I mean most clones still work for the Empire, but you and the rest of the batch… what happened?”
Hunter rubbed a hand through his hair and gave a sigh. I sat and listened as he launched into his tale. An order had come through during a routine mission. Order 66. All clones were ordered to kill all Jedi. He refused. He went on to tell me about the inhibitor chips implanted in each clone forced them to obey the order, how regardless of the bonds they had with their Jedi generals, they had to comply. He told me about how his and his team’s ‘defects’ overrode the chips for awhile. I couldn’t help it. Grief and overwhelming sadness welled inside me, and silent tears fell as he continued his story.
“The boys and I have have a friend, a brother really, Rex. He helped us excise our chips on Bracca. Now we can never be forced to do anything we don’t want to do, like hurt a Jedi. If there are any left, that is.”
I quickly wiped away my tears and cleared my throat. “Yeah.” I said. That’s all I could say. A million thoughts flooded my mind, swirling. Hunter truly was safe. He wasn’t like the other clones, the ones who had done all those horrific things. I was safe with the batch, with him and Omega and the others. But sudden images of the fire, the smoke, the blaster shots rang in my ears, and I held my tongue.
Hunter moved to get closer to me, concern in his eyes. I remembered he could hear my rapid heartbeat with his enhanced senses. “Are you oka…”
A shrill screech shatters his words. Skittering legs and scattering rocks as the cavern is sudden filled- filled by this enormous creature. A Skriton. The scorpion-esque giant crawled in from deeper in the cavern, and moved to block the exit where sunlight gleamed. I grabbed my bow, and Hunter quickly had his blaster in hand.
“No. Sudden. Movements.” He growled to me. So slowly, I drew back my bow as the skriton’s looming, barbed tail swished in the light of the mouth of the cavern. I held my breath, waiting to see who would strike first. The skriton. Lighting fast, its barbed tail lashed out, and Hunter rolled away in a dodge, firing at the beast. Its hard exoskeleton was impervious to the blaster’s bolts, and I tried with my bow to no avail. The skriton turned a massive pincer to me and snapped at my face. I backpeddled, firing all the way, as Hunter aimed for its eyes. His shot rang true and the creature screamed so shrill that it hurt my ears. Half-blind the creature clawed out at us, its tail piercing the ground in quick strikes around us. One strike was worryingly close to Hunter, and I gasped out of instinct. The creature whirled towards me, the claw knocking me backwards and flat on my back, bow skittering across the cavern floor away from me. It raised the claw to smash me, and I went to roll away, but the claw was slammed away from me by a hard body. Blaster steaming, Hunter fired shot after shot at close range into the monster’s face, and it struck blindly out, pincer connecting with Hunter’s skin and squeezing tight. I could hear the splintering of bone as Hunter called out, “Run, Thea!” But I couldn’t. My heart pounded and my ears were ringing.. Suddenly the cavern shakes, and my vision blurs. My muscles tensed and the ceiling of the cavern collapsed.
—
When the dust cleared, the skriton was dead. The patch of rock above its head had fallen, crushing it and only it. A lone claw sat severed on the floor feet away from its remains, still wrapped around Hunter’s leg. I ran to him, as he was just sitting up, propping himself on his elbows. Using all my strength I pried the pincer off of him. His shin and ankle were already bruised a deep purple. “You’re gonna need a bio-cast, Hunter.” I gently help him sit up all the way.
“I have a med-spike in the emergency bag. That should kick-start the healing and get me through until the others can recover us. Grab it and the comm for me will you?” I did as I was told, and Hunter didn’t even flinch when I injected the bacta from the med-spike into his thigh. A chill settled over my shoulders. The sun was setting, and the killer cold was sweeping over the desert planet.
Hunter made a call to Tech. The other two groups were just rendezvousing at the ship, it would be an hour before they could make it to our coordinates.
Hunter dragged himself to the cavern wall and sat against it. I joined him, shivering, half from cold and the other half from adrenaline. I felt so fatigued, hollowed out even. “C’mere, keep warm.” Hunter said, slurring his words a bit. The med-spike had pain reducing sedatives, and I doubted I could keep him awake much longer. Glad for the warmth, I moved in close to him and he wrapped an arm around me, rubbing my bare skin to relieve the chill. “You’ll be okay, Hunter.” I said, teeth chattering. “They’ll be here soon.”
He laughed deep in his throat, and just that laugh sent warmth spreading throughout me.
“‘Course I will be.” He mumbled. “Got you, don’t I? Right here with me, mesh’la.”
I gave him a quizzical look. “What’s that mean? Mesh’la?”
He turned his head to face me, and gazed into my eyes. His eyes flicked down to my lips, and before I could stop him, he kissed me. I somehow both froze and melted into him at once. He pulled away smiling. "Been meanin' to do that." He said.
I shook my head, "...Hunter. You're not yourself right now. Try to go to sleep." He smiled and laid his head against the wall, immediately drifting to sleep. My hand shook as I lifted it to touch my lips. He couldn't have meant anything by it, right? It was the meds talking. I sat there thinking about it over and over until I heard Wrecker call out "They're in here!"
Once we had been recovered, and Hunter was safely in a bio-cast and tucked into his bunk, I sat in a flight seat aboard the Marauder, exhausted. Omega prattled to me about her adventure, how she had single-handedly found the key we had been searching so tirelessly for. “I just had a feeling!” She said. I laughed quietly. I still couldn't stop thinking about Hunter, our kiss. I had made up my mind that I would never mention it. He likely wouldn't remember, and I didn't want to embarrass him. But...
A low whistle sounded from behind me. Wrecker had used the key we found to unlock the chest Cid had loaded onto the ship before we left. Glittering in the chest were gemstones of various sizes and colors. Tech said, “Well that is certainly worth the price the buyer is paying.” We were to meet the buyer on the other side of Jedha the next day and make the exchange for Cid. “I’m gonna turn in, Omega.” I said, feigning a yawn. I dreamt of skriton and falling gemstones, Hunter’s lips on mine.
—
“Where is this nerfherder?” Hunter asked gruffly, as we all stood in the heat outside the Marauder. We were to meet the buyer in the Spires, an area of towering boulders and columns of rock. It provided decent cover and shade, but something about it set me on edge.
Omega sat against a column on which one of the largest boulders perched. She sketched in a little book the outlines of the Spires above and around her, bored with waiting. “Here.” A nasally voice piped from behind the columns, and into the semi-circle stepped a small group of Zabraks, dressed in tattered desert clothing with cotton masks over their mouths and noses. Instantly I feel my muscles snap to attention. They were…off. Fidgety. Their cloaks seemed too bulky, draped oddly around their bodies. Before I could warn the others, the Zabraks pulled out their blasters and aimed at each one of us, Omega included. Hunter froze, his leg healed with the help of the bio-cast’s quick setting, but the bruises still causing a limp that I knew made him feel uncomfortable. “Now boys.” Echo said, stepping forward to calm the situation. The Zabraks cocked their blasters, the clicks echoing in the rocky canyon. Omega sat very still against the rock column to my right, and I noticed Hunter was moving, ever so slowly towards her. He was only feet away from her when the Zabraks noticed him. “Don’t move!” A small one shouted. He had to be only a child. Hunter raised his hands and nodded. “Easy, kid.” He said.
“Give us the chest and no one gets hurt.” The leader of the Zabraks barked.
“Take it.” Echo said. “Means nothing to us, we’re just the messengers.”
The Zabraks sent two of their men forward who gathered up the chest and as the rest backed away slowly, I silently breathed a sigh of relief. Then, chaos.
The head Zabrak shot one bolt from his blaster, not at any of us, but at the boulder over Omega’s head, sending it careening down towards her. Hunter dove at her, but with no time to do anything but cover her body with his. I froze. Time froze too. Electricity seemed to buzz around me, as visions came flooding back. I had been dreaming of this moment. It was why I was here. I knew what I had to do. I lifted my arms, focusing. I closed my eyes.
— Hunter’s POV—-
I waited for the end. Any millisecond now, the boulder would crush us, but atleast Omega would feel loved and held as we both went. I held her tight against my chest, and closed my eyes tight. Nothing. I opened my eyes. A large shadow pooled around us, a perfect circle of darkness in the harsh light of the sun. I looked up. Looming above me, frozen in the air, was the boulder. How could this be? Everything was silent. “Thea?” Omega said, her voice shaking with fear. I looked to Thea, and everything became clear. She stood, arms outstretched, in a form I knew all too well. Blood trickled from her nose and down her chin, as she shook with the effort of using the Force to lift the boulder and set it gently down, feet away from us. Our eyes met. Then she collapsed.
6 notes
·
View notes