#and I adore Rowena the same

[angelique-of-the-volturi-guard]

Honestly I am so glad SPN did not end at S5 as planned because if I had missed out on Rowena MacLeod I would not be the same person I am today and I have SPN to thank for that.

[deanbrainrotwritings]

— THE LOVE LETTER COLLECTION : PART ONE

SUMMARY : being a dreamwalker, seeing every universe, having a hot boyfriend. there’s a million perks to that. this is the sad version.

PAIRING : dean winchester x dreamwalker!reader (f.)

CHARACTERS : rowena macleod, sam winchester

WARNINGS/TAGS : explicit(18+), angst, fluff, almost-smut, talk about depression, low self esteem, thoughts about past prostitution

WORD COUNT : 11k

A/N : title from a jamie's elsewhere song. this fills the time travel square on my @jacklesversebingo card. inspired by loki season two, please don’t change by Jungkook, and the spider-verse movie. no spoilers. This is written from Dean's perspective and in first person (it was fun but tough) X

I couldn’t sleep tonight.

It’s normal.

She’s asleep next to me, breathing slow and quietly. Her chest rises subtly with each breath. Her lips are parted, just slightly.

Her soft hair is splayed over the pillow like the rays of a sun and she’s facing me. One of her hands rests on her stomach and the other is bent upwards beside her, her hand resting in a loose fist by her neck.

Her steel necklace rests haphazardly over her neck. The chain is thin and fragile. Glimmering in the faint light coming through the opaque hotel curtains. A tiny and thin, rectangular centrepiece is lined with miniature gems and suddenly stops leaving a centimetre free of plain steel, and it rests in the dip of her collarbone.

She’s quiet tonight. Laying still, unmoving. I smile at her, resist the urge to touch her smooth skin or brush her hair away from her shoulders. She wakes up easily, a light sleeper, the cutest one. I’m surprised my staring doesn’t wake her.

Memories move in and try to overcast my mind. At least she takes me away from the darkness that threatens to consume me. Right now, I’m focused on her and the way she breathes.

I try reminding myself of what I have right now. Her. Sam. Cas. Jack. That’s all that matters. I won’t even remember why the feelings overflooded my chest, poisoning my mind, breaking me down until I’m down. In the morning, when the sun shines and pours through the window, I realise it isn’t so bad. When her soft voice flows into my ears, when the flowery aroma of her intoxicates me, when her warm touch comforts me, when the sweet taste of her lips makes me forget what I had been worried about at night.

It’s always the same. Like her, I learned to live with the pain.

She moans softly beside me. Not a sexy moan. It sounds irritated at something. I turn fully onto my side to face her, panic makes my stomach sink. I frown and my train of thought is lost as I wait to see if she’s having a nightmare or not.

She mumbles something I can’t understand, but she doesn’t seem to be in distress. She turns over onto her side, facing me fully. Strands of her hair fall gracefully over her face. I move back slightly but her arm lands in my waist, trapping me in place by entwining her legs with mine. I squirm when her elbow pokes my ribs and I reach out at last, caressing her cheek. With a few whispers of her name and some gentle prodding, she shuts up and her eyes flutter open.

She groans gently and whispers my name, adorably disoriented. I chuckle and lean forward to kiss her forehead before she could even fully wake up. She hums anyway, satisfied and scoots closer to me. Her soft legs slide against mine again; it makes me warm.

She’s moving up on the bed, too, and slides one of her arms under my neck to pull me closer. I willingly go and I grin as soon as my face is pressed against the top of her breasts. I breathe her in and close my eyes. Her skin smells amazing and she gently starts scratching my scalp with her nails. I moan quietly when a shiver runs up my spine and I keep her in place with one arm wrapped around her waist from beneath her.

I move my other hand up to her jaw to tip her head back to kiss her neck. I can hear her breath hitch and she starts to squirm, her thighs become tense and they start to move against my own. When I thread my fingers through her hair and tug weakly, she rolls her hips against mine.

She’s breathing heavier already. I love how she reacts to me.

Heat blooms in my stomach, my cock twitches, and my insides clench instantly when she wraps her arm around my shoulder and then pulls my own hair. I grunt softly against her neck, but she’s pulling away. Her nose bumps against mine and she finds my lips with her own, soft and warm.

I hold her tighter, lowering my hand to squeeze her ass. She smiles against my mouth and I do, too, nibbling on her bottom lip. I move her hair away from her face before sliding my hand down her shoulder, teasingly bringing the strap of her bralette down. She arches her chest into me and I lean down to latch onto her nipple once I get the soft material beneath her chest.

“What were you dreaming about?” I ask curiously. My warm breath hits her wet nipple and she shudders. I slid my hand out from beneath her to play with the hem of her underwear. Slowly, I let my hand sneak into the front.

“Uh,” she trails off distractedly, she attempts to hold me in place against her breasts. I didn’t have any plans on doing anything besides that, but I pulled away on purpose to watch her open her eyes and complain about my inactivity. “Hey, why’d you stop?”

I smirk at her and I pull my hand out of her underwear to hug her, pressing a kiss against her shoulder. I roll over on top of her, holding her in place with my hips against hers. “I wanna know what you dreamt of. You were moaning and movin’ around,” I explained with a frisky grin, trying to make her think that I’m assuming it was a wet dream.

She frowns instead and asks, “did I wake you?” She cups my cheeks and my face softens as I look down at her. I shake my head and I drop kisses along her face until I hear her laugh quietly. “You should’ve woken me if you couldn’t sleep,” she murmured.

I shake my head again and she rolls her eyes, pushing me away to turn her back to me. I follow her immediately to kiss her cheek, to make her not be irritated at me. She’s smiling before I even land a kiss to her face and I grab a handful of her ass instead, squeezing in retaliation.

“I was just gonna grab my phone,” she lies and laughs. She starts to wiggle around and almost fails to laugh quietly, trying to get me off her when I tickle her neck with kisses. I let her go eventually and she immediately reaches for her phone on the nightstand. Her screen turns on when she tilts her phone towards herself, a photo of me naked flashes my face and I get flustered, taking the phone from her after she whined, “it’s gonna be four?”

I stare at the photo in surprise. The photo was cut off at the bottom, barely showing my hip bones, hiding what she had been doing to me. I remember that day, it was our anniversary. We spent about two days together. She was giving me a handjob and she convinced me to let her take a couple of pictures. Who am I to deny her that?

Let’s just say there are more photos and a video.

“Hey! Give it back,” she pouted, wrapping her small hand around my wrist. I ignore her, and move away from her sneaky hands as I blush when my eyes trail back up to my face on the photo. I look like I’m about to orgasm.

“That’s a photo of me,” I stated bluntly. I unlocked her phone curiously and lo and behold, it’s a picture of me fucking her. My stomach clenches, I’m thrilled, even my cock starts to harden at the sight of me standing on my knees, my hand is splayed over her pelvis and my thumb is on her clit.

“Oh, I thought it was a photo of Henry Cavill,” she answers flatly. I feel my heartbeat rise and I bite my lip, I focus on her more than on myself, even if most of what I can see is me. I couldn’t decide whether to look at her in front of me or to keep staring at the angle she took the photo from.

“Shut up,” I mumble, fascinated by the high quality of her photo. I had used a pillow to angle her hips upwards. I was holding her leg up by her ankle and she had her other leg thrown over my hip… the sounds she made that day, they were unforgettable.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” She asks suddenly, snapping me out of my horny daze. I look over at her and watch her bite her lip shyly. “I can change it, it was a joke… mostly.. at first, because now I enjoy looking at it. It’s not very convenient when I’m around other people though…” she rambled thoughtfully.

I don’t say anything and I set her phone down on the pillow. I pry her legs open with my hand and I slip my fingers inside her underwear, teasing her wet labia, tracing her entrance, and then I lift my wet fingers up to ghost them tortuously over her swollen clit.

“You like looking at it?” I smirk down at her. She bites her lip harder, staring up at me in attempts to look innocent as she nods at me. Her eyes shut momentarily and she starts to wiggle her hips impatiently. “What happened to you? You were so shy when we started dating,” I tease, making a ‘v’ with my fingers. I slide my hand down to cup her pussy, her clit brushes against the sides of my fingers and she gasps softly.

“You made me a slut. A horny one,” she whines playfully.

“You’re not a slut,” I laugh, brushing my lips against her cheek.

“Have you seen how I dress now? I feel so hot when I’m with you,” she admitted breathily. I blush at her words and my stomach flutters.

“Wearing sexy clothes don’t make you a slut, angel,” I reassure her and push my middle finger into her. She feels warm. I can feel the texture of the inside of her against my fingers and it turns me on. She’s wet and I love the feel of it every time I pull my finger out of her. “I’m not gonna stop you from doing what you wanna do. Or tell you how to dress. Or call you a slut when you wear… sexy clothes to seduce me. Besides, you look hot as hell to me all the time. And if I make you feel hot enough to wear somethin’ that you usually wouldn’t wear, I think I’m doin’ a pretty damn good job at being your boyfriend.” She’s speechless, either from the way I curl my finger inside her or from the words I just spoke to her. “You are seriously horny though. What’s up with that? You act like I don’t fuck you enough.” I say that and I add another finger inside her.

I stare as her head rolls to the side. She bites her lip, arches her back, and her legs spread open some more. She’s so sexy without even trying.

“I dunno about that one,” she murmured, “I think you’re so fuckable when you do stuff for me like you’ve read my mind, when you say stuff like what you just said right now.. when you’re.. you,” I smirk and lean in for a quick kiss. “I want to feel you everywhere. All over me. All the time. I’ve never wanted for someone as badly as I want for you. I’ve never needed someone as badly as I need you. You make me feel. I want to… I dunno… match you when it comes to sex... You’re.. everything.”

There’s something about the way she says it that drives me crazy. I somehow understand everything she’s trying to say and I pull my fingers out of her.

I need her.

“Fuck,” I whisper, pushing her underwear to the side. I move up her body, but Sam starts to groan beside us. I whine quietly and drop my forehead on her shoulder, releasing her underwear.

I feel her deflate underneath me, too. She apologetically plays with my hair and kisses the top of my head. I melt into her, trying to steady my heart, cool down my body, and make my dick soft at the same time.

“Have you ever had a dream where you hide something and you wake up thinking: ‘what if it’s actually there?’ And you know it’s dumb but you just have a feeling it’s not, and then you’re disappointed because it’s not there when you look?” Her attempt to distract me works. I lift my head and I furrow my brows at her very specific question, but she’s looking at me earnestly so I resist the urge to laugh.

“I don’t think so, no,” I answered her question thoughtfully. After a few moments, as I continue to think about her question, I move off her and lean on my elbow while gazing down at her. “Why? Is there somethin’ you’re tryna tell me in a cryptic way?” I smirk and she pouts.

“I don’t do that,” she replies with uncertainty. I can tell she’s going over any possible situation where she’s been cryptic without even noticing.

“Uh, you do it sometimes,” I say with a laugh. She frowns and then ignores me. It makes me want to kiss her.

“Well, I’m trying to tell you my dream,” she explains. I’m about to tell her to continue, but Sam’s tossing and turning stops, and he speaks to us sleepily.

“You guys already awake?” Sam yawns, I look over my shoulder and I watch him stretch.

“Yeah,” I answer, then I lay back down on my back.

“Unfortunately,” she answers with a sigh.

She starts to get out of bed and I frown. I move over closer and wrap my arm around her waist, pressing kissing along her back. She chuckles and doesn't move away from when she bends down. I can hear her rifling through her duffle bag and I let her go when I feel her stop. I take her spot, lay on my stomach and bury my face in her pillow to inhale the smell of honey and jasmine from her shampoo.

I hear her jump slightly and I slide my arms under the pillow, lifting my head to watch her pull her jeans up. I smile dreamily as I watch her slide them over her ass. When she bends over, I’m a hundred percent sure she’s putting on a show for me. She rolls the bottom of her jeans upwards into a cuff so they don’t drag across the floor.

“Need to use the bathroom, Sam?” She asks him innocently, but she’s looking at me with mischief in her eyes. I smile and hide my face in the pillow so I don’t laugh or moan.

“I’ll use it after you, go ahead,” he tells her, ever the gentleman. She says a little ‘mmkay’ and I can hear her step closer to me. I peek at her and watch her lift the sheets over my body. She kisses the nape of my neck before she leaves and I resist the urge to act like a girl when she does it.

“Was she having a nightmare again?” Sam asks, his voice is laced with concern. I turn to look at him, the sun starts to light up the room, and I watch as he puts his shoes on. “That one with the axe killer was terrifying. She couldn’t sleep for days after it,” Sam reminisces with a grimace on his face.

“She didn’t have a nightmare,” I reassure Sam. I feel relief, the same as the sigh Sam releases when I respond, and I sit up.

Sam opens his laptop and his brows furrow as he stares at the screen. But his question takes me back to that night. I think about it like it just happened. I didn’t know what to do, neither did Sam, at first, because as soon as I’d touched her thrashing body, she’d fallen off the bed. She had a bruise on her cheekbone afterwards to show for it.

She never woke up when it happened, not until I picked her up off the floor. But even when she opened her eyes and saw me, the monster pulled her back into her dream and continued to chase her.

I remember Sam trying to help me as she tried to wiggle out of my grip, her dream bleeding into reality. She was strong for such a small woman and she slipped repeatedly from my grip and into Sam’s. We held her down on the bed instead and waited for her to wake up on her own.

I’d never been so afraid for her before. I’d never had my heart broken by her like that night when she immediately broke down crying upon waking up fully, holding onto me tighter than she’d ever held me before.

I cleaned the cuts on her legs and her back, I tended to the rope burn on her wrists. She was covered in bruises. I was grateful that she didn’t have anything broken or a deadly wound. But her mind was broken. It is broken. She was depressed for a few days after it had happened. I couldn’t help her in any way, but I was there for her the entire time.

It happens sometimes, more back then than it does now. She’d dream about something and it would break her. She falls apart and I help build her up—like she’s done for me a million times before. The dreams, nightmares, take a toll on her because she can’t do much in terms of helping out.

I feel like she’s a little more numb to it now. Like the depression got old. Like it’s just the same old emotions that have tried to drown her before. I’ve seen it with admiration and a bit of humour. The spite she feels when they come up after years of feeling controlled by it. I’ve seen her at her lowest and I’ve seen how resilient she can be—even on her own.

She tells me now when she doesn’t feel right, but she sounds more irritated by it than actually brought down. Sometimes she repeats or mocks whatever dark thought crosses her mind out loud and it’s half-funny. I still reassure her that it’s not true, just in case she’s pretending to be strong, just in case they’re sounding too true to be a lie.

If it’s really bad, I can tell because she goes mute. I let her cry once she opens up to me. I hold her and I let her feel it until it passes. There’s no point in trying to be positive sometimes or pushing down her feelings when they’re there for a reason. She lets it out and then she feels embarrassed because she wonders how she could think it was true. It’s a cycle, one I’m used to feeling myself just as much as she is.

It’s harder for me than it is for her to open up. I’m not used to it. God knows I want to tell her, but the words turn to a knot in my throat and my tongue gets heavy as they rest there. I’m afraid I’ll burden her, even when I try to reason with myself that I’ve never felt like she was a burden for having feelings, it doesn’t help. Because she’s herself and I am me. Still, I think she’s learned to understand me, even in silence.

I love her.

She steps out of the bathroom with a cute flowery top and a green cardigan after about six minutes and I smile at her. She gleefully twirls her way to me with a playful, “hey, Sammy. Morning, handsome,” and quickly kicks off the slippers she’s wearing to jump on the bed. Sam laughs quietly and goes into the bathroom now that she’s done.

I immediately bring her in for a kiss. My fingers tangle in her hair and I moan when her tongue prods at my lips. I can taste her minty breath when her soft tongue slides into my mouth. My hands fall to her waist; hers rise to my face. She kisses me passionately, her fingers thread through my hair and she holds me in place. She starts sucking my tongue into her mouth and I don’t even know what to call the sound that came out of me. I grab onto her tightly, my head feels fuzzy, my body is warm and tingly everywhere as she devours me. When her tongue runs along my top teeth, I have to resist the urge to bite her tongue but she begins to trace the roof of my mouth and pushes my mouth closer to hers with her hand on my jaw.

When she pulls away, she’s breathless. Like me. A string of saliva breaks between our mouths when she gets off me and I wish we could linger on it, but I’m too dazed to bring her back. I know my hair is messy and I lick my mouth to taste her again. My eyes are fixed to her movements, I know I look dumb as I continue to stare at her while she digs through her duffle bag.

Her hips sway when she walks across the room and she bends over the table slightly to open the curtain. She has a small pink bag, and takes out a green hand mirror to use as she gets ready. I inhale and try to compose myself while she fixes her eyebrows.

“Can we talk about your dream so I’m not horny all day?” I asked, getting out of bed to get ready, too. She laughs and wiggles her brows experimentally. She seems satisfied and then takes out a lash curler.

“Okay, yeah,” she agrees with a smile, but quickly glares at the lash curler. She inhales sharply before nervously bringing the metal thing to her eye. I can tell she’s freaking out with its proximity, and I grin when she has to take a deep breath after pulling it away before trying again.

I take my jeans out of my own duffle bag and start to put them on while we talk, and I ask, “so you dreamed you hid something and you think it’s real this time?” She curls her lashes at last, three times for a few seconds and then she moves on to the other eye. She bats her lashes at the mirror and then she stares down at her bag thoughtfully.

“Yeah, it’s in your duffle bag, but I didn’t put it there. I watched someone else do it and they told me to find it when I wake up,” she explains with a frown, then she frowns harder. I stare at the bag and open it up but I don’t see anything strange. “I’m gonna be mad, too, because I’ve hidden awesome stuff that I want to have—when I dream sometimes, and I’ve never found them.” I chuckle quietly and shake my head, but I start rifling through it to find whatever she could be talking about.

“Why is it important that you find it?” I ask curiously and dump everything inside onto the bed. She takes out a pink bottle and gets the wand out to place a few wet dots of pink on her lips. She presses them together to evenly spread the colour and then puts two smaller dots on her cheekbones.

“I don’t know yet,” she trails off and closes the tint. She then evenly rubs the hue over her cheeks. “He told me that once I get it, he can tell me,” she puts the small pink bag away in the duffle bag again and gets on the bed on her knees to look for it with me.

She carefully grabs my shirts, unfolds them and folds them perfectly again before putting them inside my duffle. She does it over and over with my help, until I grab a flannel and out falls a white rock shaped like a tiny white planet.

“Aha!” She exclaims, just as Sam steps out of the bathroom, confused.

“What’s that?” Sam asks, walking over to us to analyse what she grabs excitedly from the bed.

“It’s a rock,” she grins happily. She must forget that Sam doesn’t know what’s so important about it or why I have it in my stuff, so I explain it all to him as I finish folding the rest of my clothes.

“Is that like an infinity stone or something?” I ask when Sam starts inspecting the white rock. She breaks, a soft laugh lights up her previously serious face, and she’s looking at me with the brightest eyes. Sam, on the other hand, ignores me.

“I can do some research when we get to the bunker,” Sam offers, handing her the rock, but she shakes her head.

“I don’t think that’s necessary. Dream-Dean told me to take it to Rowena and I have to tell her that she has to use it on me,” she explains to us. I narrow my eyes at her when she says that to Sam. She was completely vague about the person she dreamt of at first, but now she’s saying I gave it to her in a dream? Or at least some other version of me did.

“And what, you trust this… uh,” I laugh bitterly, jealousy makes my face hot. “Dream-Dean? Seriously? He could be using my body to manipulate you.” She opens her mouth and then she closes it. She’s watching me. I know she’s trying to find a way to explain without sounding like I’m right.

“He was in my dreams,” she explained slowly, “and he didn’t look like you do now. He was more of a uh, hot, aged up version of you.” That did not make me feel any better, but I couldn’t deny that it was funny and flattering. I don’t feel as hot anymore, not since I’ve aged, but knowing she thinks otherwise makes me flush.

“Hot? Am I not fucking hot right now?” I ask playfully, staring straight at her. She gets flustered and she starts to stutter as she begins to deny what I’m saying.

“No.. you are hot- Shut up,” she grumbles. Her face is red and I smirk at her.

“Guys, please,” Sam interrupted, “let’s focus.”

“Yeah, stop flirting, babe, we need to focus,” I shake my head with a fake frown. I turn to Sam and resist a smile, even though he lets out an irritated sigh at the two of us. I can feel her behind me, I feel a tingle of thrill run up my spine, but steady my voice when I ask, “how does something from your dream appear in our world?”

Sam must think it’s a good question because he turns to look at her with a curious face. I feel her hand land at the small of my back, I can feel her warmth spread over my body, and then it moves away, leaving me cold, but I don’t expect the way she swats my ass.

“Uh… quantum physics?” She says, unsure. That distracts Sam from the way I jump, he acknowledges it, but ignores me to focus on her words. My ass stings a little, but honestly, even I’m intrigued by her words. “Pfft, I don’t know, I don’t remember anything from my physics degrees,” she snorted sarcastically.

“My general knowledge of that is the Ant-Man stuff,” I tell her with a serious face. She smiles affectionately, amusement glitters in her eyes, and she forces herself to look away when Sam comes up with a plan.

“I can get another hunter to take over the case,” Sam suggests, “Rowena’s a call away, we can head back to the Bunker while she meets us there.”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.”

“Is there anything special about this rock?” Sam askes Rowena, looking across the table as the redheaded witch uses her finger to read a few lines from the giant book. She picks up the rock, then tilts her head and her curls follow the movement.

“Well, it’s just Scolecite,” Rowena started, “but I can feel something very powerful inside.” Rowena takes the stone and brushes her thumb over the orb, then she carefully gazes past me. “Where did you say you got this from?”

I look behind me, and she has the cutest, wide-eyed look on her face when she looks up from the sandwich she’s eating. I bite my lip and smile at her, then I turn back to Rowena. “A… uh… alternative universe version of me gave it to her. Why?”

“It feels different,” Rowena pauses to think. “Everything in our world has a certain.. signature. This feels like it doesn’t belong to our world. It makes more sense to me now that I know it’s from another universe.” I nod slowly, trying to make something of that information. I wipe a hand down my mouth and I lean back, giving my attention to my favourite person in the whole world.

She passes the rest of her sandwich to me quietly and I eat it. It somehow tastes better than the one I made for myself, and I made both of them. She gazes at me as I eat, but she asks Rowena, “you can use it on me, though, yeah? It won’t be a problem?” We look away at the same time, Rowena looks amused and then she recollects herself.

“I can,” she confirms, then cautiously asks, “are you sure you want that?” It makes me worried suddenly. Was I really gonna let my girlfriend use some magical, dimensional rock we know nothing about just because some older version of me told her to?

“Should we not?” I ask earnestly.

“I’ve never done anything like… this,” Rowena admits, pushing the book slightly towards me, “it’s possible everything will go right, but it will be extremely painful. This rock is a vessel. It’s holding something massive and powerful inside, and I’ll be putting that inside her.” It makes me more nervous when she explains it like that. Is that why she didn’t want us to do research before, because she knew there were risks? I abandon the sandwich as it begins to make me feel sick, but I’m interrupted from asking more questions.

“Dean, it’s fine. All of you, please,” she said exasperatedly. “I’m going to do this and I’m not changing my mind. I’m sure and I can handle anything that happens, okay? And if I can’t, we can stop, but I’m trying again.” She was looking straight at me, but my eyes were glued to the sandwich that was making my stomach upset.

“I don’t get why you suddenly trust the guy,” I say quietly.

“It’s you, Dean, if I’m going to trust anyone, of course, it’s going to be you,” she replied steadfastly.

“Okay, but it’s not me.” I look at her and plead that she doesn’t go through with it.

“I know that you’re afraid, Dean, and you’re usually right about stuff like that, but I’m sure of this, okay?” She puts her hand behind my neck reassuringly. Her hand is cold and it makes me shiver, I shake my head.

“You’ve made up your mind, darlin’, that’s fine with me,” Rowena told her. I get up and I stare at everyone at the table in disbelief, but the only ones who look at me are Rowena who I know is curious about what will happen and my girlfriend who’s stubbornly made up her mind, but Sam doesn’t look at me, and I know he agrees with them.

“Seriously? We’re gonna do this knowing jack shit about this goddamn rock and what it’s gonna do to you when you use it?” I scoff and Rowena opens her mouth to explain something I won’t understand, but I turn away from them because, unlike them, I won’t be convinced otherwise.

I get to my room, but I don’t even know what to do with myself now that I’m doing nothing. I pace for a while and then I stand there. I look at the stuff that I keep in my room, the stuff I use to make these concrete walls feel like home. I don’t hear anyone behind me, I know they’re waiting for me to cool down before they come find me. I assume they’re preparing everything for the spell in the meantime.

I go to the box that sits on the floor at the foot of my bed and I kneel down to open it. Only I know what sits way at the bottom. One of the perks of doing my own shit without being told, is that I get to hide stuff because my girlfriend doesn’t need to clean my stuff when I’ve already done it.

I pull out an unsuspecting, small wooden box from the bottom. When I open it, three rings glitter in the light of my room, it makes me nervous. I feel butterflies in my chest as the white gold glares at me, the diamonds on the one in the middle sparkle almost magically. I can’t let her jeopardise everything, but I can’t bear how it’ll change us if I stop her. It’s one thing to date her, but marriage is a whole other story. It’s eternity, at least to me, and I don’t think anyone would want that from me.

I’m fucked up in ways I can’t change, in ways I can’t ever say. Unless it’s some random person I’ll never see again, some person I don’t go home to. I know I’ve hurt her by doing that. I itch for hunts if I go two weeks without one, but I complain about wanting a normal life. I have a drinking problem I don’t address. I get angry at the ones I love, sometimes it’s blown out of proportion on my part. I make stupid decisions for the people I love, end up destroying the world more than once, or I willingly give myself as a sacrifice. Sometimes it’s not even out of courage, sometimes it’s the microscopic size of my ego, the nonexistent love I have for myself, or the fact that I want to give up.

I hide my pain behind jokes and laughs. I’d rather leave and sabotage something good rather than risk being hurt. I’m trapped in a cycle I can’t break out of, not the way the love of my life has. I’m stuck in ways I was treated by my father, my enemies. I believe every hurtful word and I can’t see myself the way her and Sam do.

I like questionable shit. She thinks it’s cute, sometimes she thinks it’s hot, but I’m not fucking normal. I do questionable shit. Not just the hunting and the killing. I have blood on my hands, seeped deep into my soul and into my mind. I have nightmares and flashbacks that don’t go away.

I’ve whored myself out for money, for food, for Sam, because my dad asked me to on cases. I feel disgusted with myself sometimes. I wish I’d waited. Sex was great when it happened, I liked it, it took my mind off shit in my life, but afterward it’s horrible. When they left or I left, it was the grossest feeling. Even if I stay ‘till morning, it ain’t the same. As much as I’d like to say casual sex is healthy and normal. I can’t say that’s the case for me. It was worse when I started dating her. I felt unworthy, I don’t even think she cares about who I fucked in the past, but I do.

I know all these things are bad and I can’t fucking change it. I don’t know how to stop it, I don’t know where to even start with myself. I’m too fucked up, I think so, I can’t be fixed. I can’t possibly make her happy forever. I’ll fuck up along the road. She probably won’t forgive me. I never expect her to.

I hear a knock on my door and I close the box, casually putting it back inside before getting up. My knees creak and I feel old suddenly, tired, too. I turn around to face the woman I love most. She has the softest look in her eyes and her lips form the saddest smile.

I still wonder if she can see how ugly I am.

“I haven’t changed my mind,” I tell her, sitting down on the box. Her eyes flicker down to my shoes and she sighs, then steps forward.

“I never expected you to,” she murmurs. She wraps her arms around my neck and I bury my face in her stomach.

We stay that way for a while. She feels warm and comfortable, my hands rest on her hips and my thumbs brush beneath the cropped, white shirt she’s wearing. Her skin is soft and warm, I know she appreciates Cas’ healing, choosing to erase any damage from monsters we’ve encountered. She smells sweet and expensive, the scent of her perfume lingers on her clothes, it’s familiarity makes me warm inside.

I pull away to look up at her. She watches me curiously, her eyes drift over my face, and she looks content as she does it. I take her wrists shyly, I kiss her pulse like she’s done to me a billion times before, and I quietly admit: “I just can’t trust him, I’m afraid you’ll get hurt or something worse. I can’t do it. I can’t let you do it without knowing everything...”

“I know that,” she tells me. There's a hint of irritation in her voice that hurts me, but then she gets down onto her knees and takes my face in her hands. “I can’t control how you feel, Dean, I can only control how I feel, and I need to do this.” She explains it to me as gently as she can, and while I can understand where she’s coming from, I just don't care. I’d lock her in the dungeon if it meant she wouldn’t do it, but I know that’s extreme. I know she’d hate me for it, I’d hate to be controlled that way again, too. That’s the only thing that stops me. “Dean, please be with me when I do it,” she begs softly.

I want to cry and break something out of frustration. She’s stubborn as hell, just as much as I am. Instead, I grab her face and I kiss her roughly. She moans lowly, surprised by the suddenness of my affection, but she returns my kiss. I pour into her how much I hate this idea, how much I need her to listen to me, how much I love her.

When I pull away, she chases my mouth to continue the kiss, and I can’t deny her. She matches my possessiveness when I press my lips against hers again. I can tell what she's trying to say with the way she effortlessly slides her tongue into my mouth, tugs my hair, and draws a deep grunt from my chest. Her kiss is intoxicating and I suddenly regret teaching her everything she knows.

I pull away with so much effort and I pant against her wet lips. Her nose brushes against mine when she pulls back further to gaze at me. She returns with a smile and kisses the corner of my mouth. “If something happens-”

“It won’t,” she interrupts me. She kisses my jaw and I tilt my head in the direction that she pulls my hair.

“But if it does… I love you,” I confess, my voice raspy. Her lips freeze on my pulse and I feel my body go rigid. I know I’ve told her before and she’s reciprocated, but I still, always fear she won’t return the sentiment.

“If you only say that when you think we’re gonna die, I’d prefer that you never say it at all,” she said quietly, pulling away from me. I watch her sit down with an unreadable expression on her face and I wonder what she’s thinking as my heart sinks into the very hands that rest openly on her lap.

“Guys, everything’s ready,” Sam says softly from the door. We both look up at him and we nod without saying a word. He hesitates, watches us carefully, his clever eyes gather information, and then he walks away.

I help her up off the floor and the air around us is thick. There’s a distance between us and I wonder how fucked up we are that I don’t even know how we got to this point when just a few seconds ago, I had my mouth pressed aginst hers. I know that the problem goes deeper than just what’s happening now, but I don’t know how I’ve managed to miss the stuff that bothers her.

I feel a little hope spark in my chest when her hand brushes against mine, even though it hurts, I hope she doesn’t take it from me. Her slim fingers tickle my palm and I clasp her hand fully inside my own, walking with her slowly to where Sam and Rowena were waiting in the library.

Everything was shifted around the place, once we got there. The tables were pushed against the shelves so that there was a big open area now where Sam placed a plastic sheet over the wooden floor, to allow Rowena to paint marks over it for the spell. The air smelled spicy and flowery, tickling my eyes, the smoke made the library grey, and I felt sick again.

“Okay, I need you to lay down in the centre and hold the rock right here,” Rowena demonstrated to her once we stepped inside the library.

She did as Rowena asked. I felt more and more anxious as the minutes passed, but soon, Rowena was chanting some magic words in another language while Sam inspected what was happening like a good little apprentice. If anything went wrong I was ready to jump in and stop whatever the hell kind of spell they were working on. It would be reckless, but I can’t stand the thought of her getting hurt.

Nothing happens for a few minutes, but the rock starts to glow in the centre of her chest. It begins to crack, pure white light breaks through, and I look over to her face to check that she’s alright, but she looks more sleepy than in pain. I can tell she’s not really here by the empty look in her eyes she gets when she’s bored or deep in thought.

Despite the lack of discomfort in her face, I can’t seem to relax. I just know something will go wrong, it always does. I see Rowena move back slightly and I look over at the witch with concern before looking back at my girlfriend who’s surrounded by the right of pure white cloud that looks like a whole galaxy of bright dust with gold and opal.

It’s not until Rowena begins to aggressively chant her spell that I visibly start to freak out. It reminds me of possession, the way the cloud of smoke starts to rise to get inside her. The white rock bursts and sends pieces of itself flying across the room before it dives right into the centre of her chest where the rock had been before.

I can hear her start to cry and there’s suddenly pulses coming from her. She scrambles up suddenly and I walk towards her to help her get out, but Sam stops me with his hand wrapped tightly around my elbow. I freeze and watch helplessly as she hunches over while she sits on her legs, as if her stomach was hurting.

“Don’t fight it,” Rowena announced in between incantations, “control the way you feel.” I can hear her sobs and I yank my arm from Sam’s grip with a glare. When I get closer, Sam doesn’t stop me. She shouts and I can tell she lets go completely. Suddenly it’s like the polarity reverses, it just stops and it sits there before it begins to move inside of her faster, and it ends just as quickly.

It’s quiet now. I gaze down at her cautiously and I step forward as the glow in her chest dims and I can see that she’s crying. Tears are running down her face, but she looks up at me blankly.

“Are you okay? Did it hurt?” I ask her tenderly, kneeling down. I take her wrists and I can feel the erratic beat of her heart. I search her eyes and she’s smiling now, like that didn’t just happen.

“No, I’m fine,” she laughs softly. I break a smile, but I’m still worried, and I cup her warm face in my hands, wiping tears from her red cheeks.

“You’re crying,” I whisper, kissing her forehead. She pulls away and takes my hand to examine my wet thumbs. She looks at them with confusion and then wipes her wet eyes, seeing for herself that she’s definitely crying.

“Those aren’t my tears,” she tells me. Before I can say anything, I see the floor beneath us suddenly transform into hexagonal shapes, showing small places I’ve never seen before—like photographs.

“Dean!” I hear Sam shout, but then the woman in my arms yelps when it starts to fall apart underneath us and we fall through. There’s nothing around us when we're falling and we cling to each other. Suddenly, there’s another hexagonal thing in the middle of the dark abyss and we start to fall through it—inside a building instead. I’m certain we’re gonna die.

But as we get a few centimetres above ground, I tighten my grip around her small body and we stop. There’s no impact, no pain, no sound. I open my eyes and I see the marble floor as it grazes my nose and then we fall the last distance with no problem.

“See? Nothing bad happened, you are wrong sometimes, Dean.” I look up, away from the woman underneath me whose head is tilted up towards the familiar voice with a smile on her face. I see myself. Definitely an older version of me with stubble—almost a beard—and longer hair. He’s wearing a black turtleneck and a black coat. It looks fucking awesome, but I think this guy was flirting with my girl in her dreams, so I glare at him instead.

“Who are you? What is this place? And what did you do to my girlfriend?” The guy only laughs, he’s not looking at me, he’s looking down at her. She’s looking at him like she’s his biggest fan in the world, but under the silent stare it’s like there’s some inside joke I’m not a part of and I feel so irritated.

“I’m you, from a future that doesn’t exist anymore,” he starts, finally looking at me, “this place is.. well, mostly I watch the multiverse, I can see all the timelines, make sure no one’s in danger. The most important job is preventing God from doing what he did before.” I look around at the room we’re in. The walls are black—architecturally speaking, everything is geometric. The lights are dim and there are destroyed statues along the walls in the hallway. The floor is dark red, shiny, but only acts as a rug would. The ceiling is tall, almost endless, and I’m sure there is actually no ceiling at all. “As for what we did to her..'' he trails off and bites his lip. “Long story short, we gathered your variants before they were killed off by Chuck and we put their souls in the rock. When you absorbed it, it made you powerful, not a soul-bomb like Dean. I’m talking about your dreamwalking abilities,” he explains to her.

“We who?” I ask. He’s about to answer, but I’ve got a million questions running through my mind the longer he talks and the longer I’m here. “How many variants, or whatever, is that, then? Also, what do you mean she’s more powerful?” She reaches out for my wrist and I look down at her, but I can’t calm down, I can’t slow down. I have no idea where we are or why they want her here. “And what does Jack think about all this?”

The older me laughs and shakes his head at me. It pisses me off. He’s handsome, but I’ll punch him anyway.

“Come on, I’ve got a meeting soon,” he told us, then started walking down the seemingly endless hallway. The doors opened strangely, one door slid upwards, but behind it was another door that sunk down into the floor. When we stepped outside, everything was black, there was a faint white light in the distance and the body of what looked like a leviathan. Not the ones we know, but the things without a human meat suit.

“Is this the future or something?” I ask. It’s all terrifying. I look down and see there’s a whole other level, and it’s all connected like a maze or a labyrinth. The floor we walk on to the next pyramid-like building is an opaque crystal structure that I know is thick as hell, but I’m scared shitless anyway. There’s no wind blowing, not even a sound, but when the older version of me speaks, his voice bounces strangely around us.

“Uh… see that bright light? That’s the beginning of time, all of this here, is the end. We’re technically in between,” he clarifies.

“So… wait, she can time travel?” I ask, somewhat delighted at the thought.

“Yeah, dreams are the easiest way to time travel,” he chuckles, “I use Baby to time travel. It’s my personal, sexy TARDIS. Thanks to Jack, but he regrets that now.” He laughs heartily at that and I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty jealous of the fact that he’s upgraded to a time travelling Impala. “Anyway… uh, there were only twenty six other variants of you,” he tells her. The small number shocks me, but I don’t dwell on it for long because she doesn’t seem phased. I’ll have to talk about that with her later. “And that portal you fell through? That’s what your abilities do now. When Jack would use your abilities, you could see them like picture frames in your mind, but now you can access them at any point, whenever you want.”

I look above and I can see there’s still more monuments above us somehow floating in the air, or maybe they’re being held by another structure, but I’m not sure. If we weren’t outside, risking our lives and falling off the walkway, I’d be amazed by this place. Whatever it is.

“As for what Jack thinks of this place,” he laughs heartily and looks at us. I can see sadness in his eyes, he can’t hide his emotions from me, but I don’t think he cares about that because he doesn’t look away. “I think I annoy him so much he doesn’t even care what I do anymore, besides he can’t destroy this place. It’s God-proofed. As for you, he won’t hurt you, I promise.”

“I don’t understand why you want me to be powerful,” she wonders out loud to him after a while. We’re standing by another door, this one opens like elevator doors, and the room is brighter. There’s gold, sparkling gems, and giant jewels scattered on the floor.

“I just wanted to find a way to keep you safe indefinitely,” he told her with a shrug. I pause for a moment, maybe he’s not as bad as I made him out to be. This whole time I was busy thinking he was endangering her, but he might actually be trying to keep her safe. I still think there’s something romantic going on, considering that it’s me, considering that he’d go through all that trouble to keep her safe. I wouldn’t do all that for just anyone. “I’m always checking on you, making sure you’re safe. I honestly spend so much of my time focusing on you instead of the whole multiverse,” he admitted bashfully. “I don’t think that’s a problem, but.. I think I’m in love with you enough, and you’ve already got your Dean. Also… I have people depending on me to focus on the job, which is way better than hunting, honestly,” he laughed nervously.

I narrowed my eyes at him for admitting that. He doesn’t seem phased because I look over and she’s blushing, trying to act normal. She’s never had a reaction like this to any other man who’s hit on her, but now that it’s someone who has my face, she’s acting the way she acts with me when I do it. I know she can’t control it, it’s me after all, but it makes my chest burn with jealousy.

“Listen, dude, I get that you’re all fucking awesome with your costumes and running this place, but stop hitting on her, okay?” I ask sarcastically with a tight smile.

“Dean,” she scolds me. She grabs my sleeve, tugs lightly, and she looks so fucking adorable right now, it’s making it hard for me to stand my ground.

“No, okay,” I groan exasperatedly, tugging away from her. “What the fuck, guys? I mean… seriously. Nothing in our lives is normal, but this shit is literally- I don’t even know what to make of any of this! It’s fucked up, you’re in love with her and you’ve never met her? What the hell?” I tug at my hair and then I slide my hands tiredly down my face.

She blinks up at me like I just told her the most insane conspiracy theory and I sigh. Her face softens and she hugs me instead of saying something. She nuzzles her face into my chest and I hear her breathe me in. Her arms are tight around my waist and I finally return her embrace, I kiss the top of her head, and my entire body releases the tension I’ve been keeping inside me since we started talking to Rowena.

“I get it. It’s me and you don’t even trust yourself,” the other Dean begins, “but when we sleep, we dream about each other's lives. We dream of her.” She pulls away from me and I force myself to look away to consider his words. “All of us. In every universe, every version of you. We see how close to happily ever after you are with the kindest, loving, most caring woman to exist in the entire multiverse. We want what you have, as fucked up as everything else in your life is, you’ve got this one good thing. And you do so much to fuck it up. You don’t have to trust us, but trust that she’ll stay with you.”

I think quietly to myself. As much as it irritates me, I should put myself in her shoes, too. She has to deal with hundreds of girls flirting and throwing themselves shamelessly at me and she never makes a big deal out of it. It’s because she trusts me that she doesn’t give a shit what they say or do. She jokes with me when they give me their numbers, claiming she’ll give them a call when she needs someone to babysit me. If they flirt, she’ll teasingly repeat it and bother me about it for the rest of the day. Whatever it is, she laughs and makes the best of something people would feel generally insecure about. That’s because at the end of the day, she’s the one I’m sleeping next to, she’s the one I’m waking up to, she’s the one who spends every second of every day at my side.

Nobody can compete with that.

The sound of doors opening thankfully breaks the silence. I don’t have to admit he’s right, but I look down at her in my arms, and her eyes tell me she knows exactly what I’m thinking.

“Sir, I’ve been look-” another voice that sounds like mine breaks us apart and I’m only half-surprised to see myself wearing that stupid Ken Doll suit Zachariah dressed me in for kicks to prove a stupid fucking point. “Oh…” Like the older version of me, he gawks at the woman who’s standing in front of me.

“Dean, this is.. well, this is ridiculous actually, I don’t gotta introduce us,” older Dean chuckles. The younger looking version of me has a cart with cardboard boxes and he continues to bring them towards us. “Also, don’t call me sir, we’ve talked about this,” he adds good-naturedly with a smile and a shake of his head.

“Uh, sorry. Hi,” Ken-Doll steps closer to her and, of course, my woman is on cloud nine. “Wow, you’re way more beautiful than I dreamed,” he breathes out. I puff my cheeks trying to hold back saying something snarky in response. But all self-control nearly leaves my body when she fucking giggles shyly and rubs the back of her neck.

“Okay!” Older Dean did something before I did, and the spell between Ken and my lover broke. “Did you get the files for Lush?” He asks Ken-Dean, giving me the side-eye, as if to tell me to cool down. I swear every version of me has gotten on my nerves without me having to meet any of them.

“Yeah… uh, yes, we’ve got her background, which universes she actually exists in, her status, what’s she’s currently doing, what she can do… y’know, the basics,” Ken informs him. Older me takes off the top of one of the boxes, sifts through files, and nods his head proudly.

“Great, so the team you’re leading? It’s all good?”

“Yes, we’ll be focusing on this case for the time being, keeping an eye on her,” he discloses, “we all agree she could be a danger to the timeline.” Both me and her are completely absorbed in the conversation they’re having. I’m curious about whatever the fuck they’re doing and why all those words sound so badass in a sentence together.

“We’ll talk about that later.”

“Right, the meeting, let’s walk together?”

Older Dean gave me a tight smile and I followed them both with my quiet girlfriend by my side. I should relax, there’s no harm in being in love with someone so long as they don’t make a move and I have nothing to be afraid of when it comes to her. She’s still standing next to me, her hand finds my wrist and I tug her into my side. She stumbles and laughs softly, letting me put my arm around her shoulders while she wraps her arm around my waist.

In just a few minutes, we walk by a whole bunch of me’s wearing soldier-like uniforms, they’ve all got numbers across their backs, a logo of a shooting star with the words ‘THE MONUMENT’ on their chest. Despite having been serious, they cracked upon seeing her, too. Their faces carried little smiles after passing her and her cheeks were red from all the attention she was getting.

“So, do we get chosen by Jack or how does this whole thing work?” I ask, trying to get her attention away from the hot soldiers. At least I know she’s attracted to me in every shape and style.

“Jack has no power here,” the older me reassured us again. “Typically, after the variants lose everything or once they die, they’re given the option to come here… we’re never surprised that they prefer to be here, surrounded by the rest of us, getting a chance to be closer to you.”

“Can’t be easy facing each other, knowing how you are,” she says astutely. I was thinking the same exact thing.

“Yeah, well… you changed all of that for us,” this time Ken spoke up. She looks up at them attentively and a little smile tugs at her lips.

There’s another me leaning against the wall by the door we’re about to go into. He’s smoking a cigarette and he’s covered in tattoos. I can see them peek out of the neck of his t-shirt, both arms are covered in sleeves of art, and he smirks as soon as he sees her. I roll my eyes, I know what to expect from every version of me that I see. Especially if they feel some sort of gratitude towards her for undoing all the horrible things they were put through against their will.

“Fuck, baby, look at you,” he praised. He even has the audacity to take her chin between his fingers and angle her face in his direction. She averted her gaze shyly, but I can tell she melts into him, especially when he brushes his thumb gently across her lip. He bites his own and I think about how lucky they are that she loves them because they’re alternative me’s. “At least one of us got lucky.” He let her go gently and took another drag of his cigarette before getting out of the way to get inside the room with us.

“Which Dean is that?” She asks quietly, but I can sense a bit of excitement in her tone. I squeeze her against my side as a warning, but she snorts at me.

“The original Dean Chuck had in mind,” older me replied, holding the door open for a few other ‘variants’ of myself to enter after us.

“Hot,” she hummed flagrantly.

“Sweetheart,” I beg quietly. It makes both the older and younger me laugh.

“Dean, it’s the truth, but I’m messing with you,” she laughs, too.

“You’re unbelievable.” Still, I can’t stop the smile on my face.

“You’d do the same if you were in a room filled with a bunch of other variants of me,” she reasoned, dragging me over to where there were empty seats. It wasn’t next to the older me, or Ken me, or tatted me. Next to her was a variant of me with a beard, a plaid neckerchief like a cowboy, wearing a tactical vest. Next to me was an alternate version of me wearing a black t-shirt with a firefighters’ logo.

Now that I’m sitting here looking at every variant of me around the hexagonal table, I start to realise this is literally a room filled with her sex fantasies of me. I can recall having worn most of these costumes when we have roleplayed for sex. She would dress up in something sexy for me, too, it was our thing.

I leaned towards her as the older-me started talking about that Lush chick Ken-me had been talking about. She leans into me to listen closely to what I have to say. “D’ya think they’ve seen us have sex?” I whisper discreetly. I notice the way her eyes widen and pink starts to glow over her cheeks. “Maybe… think they’ve had a little love session with their hand thinking of you? I don’t doubt it..” I whisper crudely. She shifts in her seat and I feel so smug now, I grab her rolling chair and I pull her closer.

“I bet they’re always thinking of you. Even after bangin’ some random chick, they wish it was you in their bed. They’re probably single on purpose, miserable with anyone that isn’t you. I would be. I’d never be able to settle down with anyone as long as I dream of you. I’d be happier alone than with some girl I like halfway, knowing my whole heart and soul belongs to you and you alone. Ever across the entire multiverse. I’d choose you.” I press my lips to her warm cheek, then I let my mouth move over hers to kiss her properly. She tilts her head in my direction and accepts my tongue into her mouth when I tease the seam of her lips.

“Dean,” I hear older-me’s voice. I pull away from her mouth and I lick my lips, staring down at her as she tries to recompose herself. Everyone is staring at us and I know they’re definitely me because they don’t even look away when I catch them.

“I’m not sorry about that,” I say smugly, “you all wanna do it anyway.” I feel her hand squeeze my thigh and I stay quiet, but so does the rest of the room. After a few minutes of silence, older-me starts to talk again about a plan of action in case Lush gets out of hand. I lean forward again and I ask her one last thing, “you want them to fuck you, don’t you?”

She blushes harder somehow and she takes the cold glass of water in front of her to cool down. I don’t need her to answer verbally, her body language is enough to tell me just what she’s thinking. My brain starts to imagine ways I could fulfil her fantasy when the bearded-me talks to her and asks, “did the boss tell ya what he did, then?”

He appears more thoughtful about the question he asks than like he wants to gossip. The question piques my interest and I lean towards him. He’s watching us closely, there’s no jealousy or envy, his presence is just full of love and respect like every other me has exuded since we’ve crossed paths. “‘S nothin’ we all wouldn’t do,” he defends, almost as if he thinks I’m trying to get proof that this place is too good to be true. Like a true me, he suspects I’m waiting for the shoe to drop.

“What did he do?” I asked, hoping I didn't sound urgent. The three of us lean in as subtly as we could to hear each other.

“He disintegrated his whole timeline by saving you.”

➥ the love letter collection : part two

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[orionsangel86]

why did I get a post on my dash saying there was a destiel empty rescue on dead boy detectives in an episode directed by speight??? help I don't watch the show 😭

Because there legit IS a destiel empty rescue on dead boy detectives including a gay love confession in an episode directed by Dick Speight Jr. I am BEGGING Supernatural fans to watch this show. LITERALLY ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU ALL TO WATCH IT! 😭😭😭

It is SO GOOD. Okay so basic facts:

Take a highly repressed closetted gay Edwardian twink and pair him up with an 80s rude boy with daddy issues and childhood trauma. Kill them both. Their ghosts are running away from Death (THE Death from The Sandman because this show is set IN THE SANDMAN UNIVERSE). One of them spent 70 years in Hell before escaping. The other refused to go to the afterlife because he wanted to stay with his best friend.

Add in a psychic with memory loss and a demon ex boyfriend, and an adorable fujoshi girl who has brain parasites (she's okay, she eventually gets them out of her brain and keeps them as pets in a jar - they spend the whole show as a foul mouthed Statler and Waldorf)

Top it all off with a goth lesbian butcher, a cunty witch who is basically Katya (of Trixie and Katya fame - according to Katya herself lol), and OUR VERY OWN RUTH CONNELL AKA QUEEN OF HELL ROWENA PLAYING A BUREAUCRAT FROM THE AFTERLIFE TO COLLECT THE DEAD BOYS SOULS.

Closetted gay Edwardian twink is literally catnip to all the gay Supernatural creatures in town. A cat and a crow both fall madly in love with him.

Well, the cat king is a very cunty, very sexy trickster who seduces our boy and sends him into major gay panic - its adorable, he can't stop picturing his abs.

The crow is the familiar of the cunty witch and she turns him human in order to spy on the dead boys. If anything he is even more twinky than the Edwardian twink. He is very gay and obsessed with astrology and, well, the Edwardian twink. Its cute.

Add in a few excellent case of the week type mysteries - there is a walrus who is a man and not very happy about it, a giant mushroom, a scary haunted house, two dead jocks and a giant fish.

THEN the Edwardian Twink gets dragged back to Hell after an attempted love confession to his best friend. His best friend (80s rude boy with childhood trauma and very probably repressed bisexuality) goes to Hell to rescue him in one of the BEST EPISODES OF TV I HAVE SEEN IN A LONG TIME - It is REALLY REALLY GOOD. They are chased by a horrible spider made of baby doll parts. There is a whole Orpheus and Euridice moment - there is a gorgeously done gay love confession and a response that is SO MUCH MORE THAN WHAT WE DESERVED FOR DEAN WINCHESTER OMG WE DESERVED THIS - it is literally healing my soul watching this scene in DBD.

The rescue from Hell takes place and it is epic. Speight has outdone himself. DID I MENTION THIS SERIES WAS SHOWRUN BY OUR VERY OWN STEVE YOCKEY? THAT YOCKEY? THE YOCKEY WHO DIED FOR US?!? HELLO??? The same Yockey that made the cunty gay gorgon kiss Castiel????

Oh and Jeremy Carver - He who was SO thirsty for naked Castiel - is an executive producer.

So is Neil Gaiman. Obviously. DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?!?!

PLEASE WATCH DEAD BOY DETECTIVES ON NETFLIX YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT

[fanfictionalraven]

Dream Warriors Chapter 10

Title: Dream Warriors Chapter 10

Summary: Can our Dream Warriors make it out alive?

Characters: Reader, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Rowena, other original characters

Word Count: 3,112

Warnings: Canon typical violence and peril

Author’s Note: The grand finale!! I can't believe it's really over. This series has taken me a long time to finally get completely posted. I'm pretty proud of it. I hope you've enjoyed the ride. Let's see how it all ends...

Read Chapter 9 here.

Still laying in Dean’s arms, you let out another scream. Dean glares up at the witch as she continues to smirk at the two of you in the floor. 

“I’ll kill you. If you take over her body, I will kill you,” he threatens. 

“See, I don’t think you’ll be able to. I know how she feels about you and, from her memories, I’m pretty sure you feel the same way,” she says as she walks over and kneels down next to the two of you. “It’s so cliché. The two best friends who are so madly in love but too afraid to cross that line. I’ve seen that movie a hundred times. I think I’ll change the ending.” She rises to her feet and moves over to the refrigerator in the room. Pulling the door open, she looks in and grabs a bottle of water. “Maybe I’ll get the guy.” You grit your teeth and lay your head back against Dean’s shoulder, another pain hitting. 

“If I don’t make it, you better rip her apart,” you tell him. He presses a kiss to your temple and shakes his head. 

“You’re gonna make it, Sweetheart,” he says before moving to prop you up against the counter. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze before rising to his feet. The witch looks over and smiles widely.

“Oh, you wanna fight?” She asks, setting the bottle on the counter. “How adorable. The knight in shining armor, willing to die for his love.” You let out another scream and watch in horror as Dean charges at the witch. She merely laughs and with a flick of her wrist, sends him flying into the opposite wall. “Dean, Dean, Dean…” She says as she walks over towards him. “I’ve got the power here. I am in complete control.” He forces himself up and swings at her, knocking her back, stunned. “Why you little…” She snaps her fingers and Dean screams out in pain. 

“Stop!!” You scream out, watching as he twists in agony on the floor. “Stop!! I’ll give up!!” She looks at you and raises an eyebrow. You swallow thickly, fighting tears. “Let him go, let him wake up, and I’ll give up. I’ll stop fighting.” 

“Y/N, no!!” Dean calls out through gritted teeth. 

“Please,” you beg. The witch watches you for a moment before snapping her fingers once again. Dean stops screaming and sits back, leaning against the wall behind himself. “Send him back,” you tell her. 

“I will. Calm down. How did you get here though?” She asks, looking back at Dean. He sets his jaw, staring her down. With a smirk, she raises a hand towards you and Dean’s eyes widen. 

“A different spell,” he tells her in a rush. The witch nods her head slowly as she thinks this over. 

“Like a backdoor…fascinating,” she says mostly to herself. You watch her and frown. 

“Send him back,” you say once again. She glances at you and with a wave of her hand, Dean disappears. You let out a sigh and lay your head back against the counter. “Can we at least stop this charade?” You ask. She waves her hand once again and the pain fades away along with your overgrown stomach. Closing your eyes, you can feel the life slipping away from you. It wouldn’t be long now. 

“So many regrets,” the witch says, watching you. You glance at her and frown. 

“Please stop reading my mind,” you tell her. She laughs lightly and crosses her arms. 

“All those different scenarios…all those different plays…this was your favorite,” she says. You sigh and close your eyes again, trying to ignore her. “A normal, happy life. Completely domestic. Married and a baby on the way. You two could have really been happy.” 

“I’m just gonna picture Dean killing you now, if that’s okay,” you tell her. She laughs as she sits in one of the chairs at the table. 

“I don’t get it. You’re so obviously in love with him, enough to die for him now, but you never said anything. Never made a move,” she says. You groan and shake your head. 

“This is not how I pictured the end,” you mumble. She watches you for a moment before waving her hand once again. The kitchen scene disappears and is replaced with a more familiar one. “This isn’t my room,” you comment. You were now resting in Dean’s bed in the bunker. She smiles from her chair across the room. 

“You’d rather be in here and we both know it,” she says. You lean back against the headboard with a sigh and close your eyes, thinking about the last time you were really in here. Dean had been beaten up pretty bad on a hunt and you’d stayed the night with him, watching over him and taking care of his wounds. “This is getting sickening.” 

“Well it’s still my mind for a few more minutes. I’ll think about whatever I want,” you tell her. 

“You could at least picture him naked,” she mumbles causing you to actually laugh out loud. The laugh dies out quickly as you grimace, squeezing your eyes closed a little tighter. As you lose yourself in different memories, one flashes through your mind and you quickly tuck it away before she has a chance to see it too. It wasn’t a happy one. Dean was a demon, hunting you and Sam in the bunker. You’d taken refuge here in his bedroom, a place you knew was stocked with hidden weapons. 

“Why didn’t you just kill me?” You ask, forcing yourself to sit up. She glances over at you and rolls her eyes. 

“Loophole in the spell. I can inflict pain. I can cause injury but I have to drain the life from you slowly,” she explains as she checks her nails. You nod slightly and swing your legs over the side of the bed. “What are you doing?” 

“I just want to stretch my legs,” you tell her. You knew your legs were too weak to support your weight and that’s what you were counting on at this point. “Spell seems complicated. Have you done it before?” You ask, trying to keep her talking so she wouldn’t be as focused on you. She sighs and lays her head back. 

“Hundreds of times. I’ve been jumping bodies for centuries now. I’d lost my book in the last jump when I landed in this…child. Kaylee,” she sneers the name with disgust. You glance at her and frown. 

“Not a fan of the name?”

“Much too modern,” she says, looking at her nails casually.

“And what do you prefer? Eve?” You question, earning a laugh. She glances over at you, smirking.

“Hardly.” She eyes you for a moment as you continue to gauge your strength. “Morcant was my given name. Of course, you people have modernized it. Morgan.”

“If you’ve done this so many times, why did you need the book?” You ask, standing up carefully. Your legs wobble beneath you. She sighs now, seemingly exasperated by your continued questioning.

“If you must know, it’s the source of my power. Without the book, I’ve got nothing,” she says. It’s only a moment before your legs give out, as you’d expected, and you collapse to the floor with a crash. The witch looks at you and starts to laugh, rising from her seat. “Not as strong as you’d thought, hmmm?” She taunts, dropping down next to you. Your hand slips under the bed and immediately comes into contact with something cold and metallic. You look up at her and smirk. 

“No. But I’m strong enough,” you say before pulling the angel blade from under the bed. You drive the spike into her stomach and she screams out in agony. 

“You bitch!!” She spits through gritted teeth. Something flashes in her eyes briefly before she smirks. She waves a hand and… 

You sit up suddenly with a gasp and take in your surroundings. Six eyes are watching you closely, all shocked. Sam. Cas. Rowena. The pain surges through you suddenly and you let out an unearthly scream as you fall back into the pillows. You’re immediately aware of the body next to you. Despite the pain coursing through you, you realize that Dean is next to you, still unconscious. 

“No,” you mumble, trying to reach for him. You hadn’t noticed Sam had left the room until he comes back. 

“What’s that?” Cas asks. Sam uncaps the syringe and grabs your arm. 

“Morphine. I took it from the hospital,” he tells him before stabbing it into your arm. It acts quickly, numbing the pain. You feel the pull to go back under and reach out for Sam, to ask him about Dean. He takes your hand in his but the drug takes its full effect before you can get the words out. 

You come to some time later, groggy and confused. You aren’t in the bedroom anymore. Now, you’re in the dungeon, strapped to the chair in the center of the room. The pain is still very much present but it isn’t as bad as before, the morphine still working. The door to the dungeon opens and Sam steps into the room. 

“Sam! Where’s Dean?” You ask. He watches you for a moment then looks down the hall. 

“Rowena, she’s awake,” he calls out before stepping into the room fully. 

“Did Dean wake up?” You ask, trying to pull against the restraints. The younger Winchester ignores your pleas, arms crossed over his chest. Rowena steps into the room now and walks over. She blows a fistful of powder into your face, causing you to cough. “The hell??” You gasp, triggering the pain in your side. 

“Truth spell,” Sam explains. You stare at him for a moment before you nod, understanding. 

“Please, hurry,” you beg. Sam waits for a moment, allowing the spell to take full effect. You groan in agony, hanging your head. “Sam, please.” Rowena looks at him and nods once. 

“What’s your name?” Sam asks. Something rushes through you, a tingling sensation, as the spell works. 

“Y/N Y/L/N,” you tell him quickly. You can visibly see the relief wash over him. 

“What happened?” He asks as he rushes over to untie your wrists. 

“Got an angel blade from under Dean’s bed and stabbed her,” you explain. He frowns and nods. “Where’s Dean?” 

“He hasn’t woken up yet,” he says. His words wash over you. That wasn’t possible. 

“No. No, she was supposed to send him back,” you tell him. He looks at you and shakes his head slightly. 

“What?” He asks. 

“I made a deal with her. I’d give up if she sent him back. He…he disappeared,” you say, looking up at Rowena. Her brow furrows as she thinks this over. 

“Did you see her die?” She asks. Sam gets you free from the chair and you move to stand quickly. Too quickly. You fall into Sam immediately and he wraps an arm around your waist to support you. 

“No. I just…woke up,” you tell them. You begin to pale and Sam frowns. 

“Alright, let’s get you back in bed,” he says, scooping you up into his arms quickly. You shake your head. 

“No!! We have to get Dean back!!” You protest. Sam starts down the hall and glances back at Rowena. 

“What do we do?” He asks. You groan and lay your head back, closing your eyes. The pain was coming back with a vengeance. 

“This is tricky,” she says, shaking her head. Sam carries you back into the bedroom where Cas is examining Dean. The angel looks up from Dean’s still body and manages a small smile. 

“It’s Y/N?” He asks. You look over at him and nod quickly before your eyes fall to Dean. 

“Rowena, what happened?” You ask as Sam lays you on the bed once again. 

“Could she have jumped to Dean? Could she control two bodies at once like that?” Sam asks, looking at the witch. You force yourself up onto your elbows to watch them. 

“That would take…decades of practice,” she says, shaking her head. 

“She has it!!” You tell them. They all look at you. “She said she’s been doing this for centuries. Jumping from body to body.” You gasp suddenly, remembering. “The book!!” You attempt to force yourself up from the bed but Sam reaches over, stopping you. 

“What about it?” 

“She said it’s the source of her power. Without it, she has nothing,” you explain as you try to sit up. Cas brings Sam another syringe of morphine and you frown at him. “No!! I have to help Dean!!” 

“We’ll figure it out. You can’t even stand right now. Rest,” he tells you, but you shake your head defiantly.  

“Send me back,” you say, looking at Rowena. “You sent Dean in. Now send me.” 

“That’s too risky,” Cas says, frowning.  

“I don’t care about the damn risk!! I have to get Dean back!!” You protest. Sam nods slightly.  

“Okay. Yea. We’ll send you back. Just lay down. Let Rowena get the spell ready,” he says. You watch him for a moment before laying back against the bed once more. Your eyes land on Dean, next to you on the bed. He looks like he’s peacefully sleeping but you can only imagine what she’s doing to him. The slightest pinch in your arm draws your attention quickly. Sam empties the syringe into your arm as you stare in disbelief. 

“You lied.” 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says, rising to his full height. Tears flood your eyes as you feel the drugs taking over once again. “We’ll destroy the book and you’ll both be fine.” 

“I love him, Sam,” you cry. 

“I know,” he says, brushing your hair from your face. “And you can tell him that as soon as you wake up.” He leans down and presses a kiss to your forehead as the morphine pulls you under once again.  

***

Some time later, you come to once again, just as confused as the last time. This time you hadn’t been moved. You’re still lying in Dean’s bed only now you have a blanket draped over you and you’re completely alone. Sam, Cas, and Rowena were nowhere to be seen and Dean was no longer next to you. Carefully, you rise to an upright position, wincing only slightly at the pain in your side. A gunshot wound and broken ribs were not a good combination. Forcing your stiff limbs to move, you get your legs over the edge of the bed just as the bedroom door opens. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Dean asks. You break into a wide smile, and if you could, you’d run and tackle him. 

“You’re okay!!” You proclaim. He laughs as he walks over. 

“I’m always okay. You need to lay back down,” he tells you. Shaking your head quickly, you hold a hand out for him. He takes your hand in his and sits down next to you on the bed. “You need more medicine?” He asks as you lay your head on his shoulder. 

“I don’t want to go back to sleep right now. I’ve been out for long enough,” you say. He laughs lightly and nods before dropping a kiss to the top of your head. 

“It’s good to see you awake,” he says, his voice soft. 

“Could say the same for you,” you tell him. He lets out a small laugh drawing you to look up at him now. “What was it?” 

“She did pretty good. Had me think I woke up just before she finished you off. Guess she wanted to see if I actually could kill you,” he says, his eyes set on some far off point. Taking his face in your hands gently, you pull him back to look at you. 

“Hey. Whatever happened, whatever you did, it wasn’t real, okay? I’m fine,” you tell him, but he shakes his head quickly. 

“I couldn’t do it,” he confesses. “I thought if I knew it wasn’t you, if I knew you were gone, I’d be able to put my feelings aside but…” He trails off and you bite at your lip. “We need to have a talk about that will of yours too because that is too much pressure.” 

“Will?” You ask, eyes widening. Oh God. “You mean…” 

“Arnold showed up. Gave me your letter,” he tells you. Staring at him, your mind races. He read the letter. The letter you’d written at a very dark time, spilling your heart onto paper just for him. 

“You really weren’t supposed to see that,” you mumble. Dean laughs lightly and presses his lips to your forehead. 

“Then maybe you should be a little more careful about what spells you get put under,” he teases. You laugh at this and shake your head. 

“She’s dead, right?” You ask. He nods quickly. 

“Burst into flames right in front of me,” he says. “They burned the book out here, so she…” He makes an exploding motion with his hands, complete with sound effects. You nod your head slightly. “You don’t seem as excited about that as I thought you would?” 

“Nothing feels different. I was hoping I’d be able to feel that this was real, to know she was gone, but…” You’re cut off abruptly by Dean’s lips against yours. It’s a gentle and chaste kiss only lasting long enough to shut you up. 

“That feel real?” He asks. You swallow thickly and nod, unable to speak. That kiss was different from the ones in your dreams. His lips were more chapped than they had been in your mind. There was whiskey on his breath.

“That letter…” You say, trying to refocus your mind from the kiss. “I was in a pretty dark place and…”

“You’re the best part of my life too,” he interjects. “You’re…everything to me.” Your heart swells at his words. It wasn’t much but it was all you needed to hear. You immediately pull him back into another kiss.

This time, neither of you hold back, allowing every ounce of your repressed feelings to come to the surface. Your dreams couldn’t even begin to compare to the way his touch set your skin on fire as his fingers grazed just below your shirt. He leans in closer, an attempt to lay you back on the bed. You let out a soft, pained gasp as you pull away from him.

“Easy,” you mutter, trying to catch your breath. His eyes widen immediately.

“I’m so sorry,” he says. You laugh lightly and shake your head.

“Give me a few weeks to heal up, then you can get carried away,” you tease. He smiles widely before resting his forehead against yours. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” he says. You press your lips to his once again, softly. Despite the pain emanating from various places on your body, you’d call this moment perfect. You’d even go as far as to say it was…a dream come true.

The End

Thank you so much to everyone who has enjoyed the story!! I hope the ending was satisfying!! A special thanks to everyone below…

Forever Tags: @roseblue373

Jensen Tags: @call-me-mrs-winchester

Dream Warriors: @aylacavebear @winharry @djs8891 @suckitands33 @rickgrimeswifeu @deans-spinster-witch @jackles010378 @foxyjwls007 @alisyacsa @lailawinchesterr @urinternetmom @justrealizedimmascifygurl @kr804573 @thej2report @just-levyy @snowayumi @deans-baby-momma @demons-eats-pie-too @brightlilith @kazsrm67 @onlyangel444

[followafallingstar]

How you meet Lucifer- Idalia

Summary: While enjoying your own little made up sanctuary you encounter a rather annoying archangel that is without your knowledge also devil himself. While trying to get him to leave he realizes that maybe he wasn’t so doomed after all.

Pairing: Lucifer/reader, Lucifer/witch

Disclaimer: none

Soulmate au: God created a soulmate for each one of his children. For angels finding their soulmate is one of the most honorable tasks they could achieve due to the amount of luck they must have since the soul of a human mate can be sent to earth at any time during the existence of humanity. But when an angel does meet their other half their loyalty to god switches to their mate, protecting them at all costs. Feelings such as love and lust are only acceptable and archivable for angels when they meet their soulmate and that only to the mate too so acts of unloyalty or cheating don’t exist in their world.

Maybe it was the annoying voice of your sister Goldmarry that had caused you to wander off into the forest, a bit too far away from the house that also doubled as a shop that you and your three sisters shared for centuries. You can’t remember how you had even gotten to the point where time had slowly slipped out of reach. Stuck in the same body as when you just had turned eighteen. You walk along the green bushes, the dirt sticks to your black kitten heels, maybe not the best choice for taking a walk but considering you don’t feel that kind of pain, you never thought about shoe choices.

They were all the same after all. Something pretty, inconvenient, and shiny. You reached a field covered in red roses, your work that you were proud of and the coverage the large trees gave the area made it even more special, your little world surrounded by the flowers you adore the most but then again there was nothing that magic couldn’t do. Just the snap of your finger and the sky turned soft pink, a resemblance to your magic, the color covering the trees and the field into a small bowl before slowly replacing the moon with its burning counterpart.

You lie down on a hill, your gaze flickered to the not-so-real sun up above, sunbathing, not realizing that a pair of interested eyes were watching you. He had been standing against the tree for almost five hours, long before you had even set foot into the forest. Even after his release from the cage he still couldn’t make up his mind why exactly his father loved these creatures so much, humans, weak, Good for nothing yet he couldn’t deny that the world they lived in was beautiful, almost rivaling his former home up high in the heavens. And then there was suddenly you who disturbed his little thought bubble, walking into the field that he thought could be unshared for at least days but as you changed the setting his interest was instantly caught.

A curious little thing he hadn’t seen in a while, a witch most definitely but not like Rowena, not so loud, not so irritating. Silent, innocent, yet feisty and quite the sight, the most beautiful he had ever seen if he would be honest. He moved closer, hoping that his magical energy wouldn’t alert you but since you hadn’t moved an inch he continued, crouching down behind you.

You could feel something silky touching your arms, jumping up in surprise you turned around and were met with a tall, blonde, middle-aged man with blue eyes and behind him huge white wings that had a few bald spots and dark stains as if they were burned. Your eyebrows raised “What the fuck?”. He chuckled, an amused smile was plastered on his face as he observed you. “Language, little thing” You frowned as he called you little. What was this overgrown bird talking about? “How did you get in?”

He stayed still at your question as if not understanding what you meant but when you pointed to the night sky his head tilted and the smile was back. “Oh, that? I was already here before you did your magic trick” He was slowly getting on your seven trillion nerves and you spat out. “Get out, Angel. I don’t like birds” His smile vanished and his hand was about to touch your throat ready to tear you into pieces. Insults never quite sit right with him especially not coming from a human but before he could get a grip on you his whole movement stopped.

“Repeat yourself” He demanded. He was always sure that because of his loyalty to his father, he would never be blessed with a gift. Not that he wanted one, or that was what he had always told himself when his siblings taunted him about the topic of a mate. He could remember the words they said to him.

Lucifer will never find his mate.

Please, as if the abomination would ever be loved by anyone other than those pesty demons.

And the one that had hit the deepest, left out of the mouth of his own older brother.

My brother doesn't have a mate. He is not worthy of one.

“I said, I don't like angels, get out!” you were about to light him on fire with holy fire but he had gotten a hold of your already burning hand. He was silent and his uncomfortable stare made you shut up either. You let the flame disappear and look up to the ungodly big mass of muscle that closed you and him off from the outer world, unknowing that this little move was a test to know for certain if he did end up finding that little thing that he should have fallen for instead of his pride. And you did not disappoint.

A tiny genuine smile that he tried to hide appeared and he asked “Your name, little witch?”. You weren't sure if you should even answer this strange angel that had gotten too close to your body and your ability to cause a wildfire. You whisper while your eyes dart towards the side of his wing, avoiding his now soft and gentle demeanor “Idalia”.

“Behold the sun, how fitting” He whispers back.

[shallowseeker]

Rambling about the Macleods and Castiel friendship today:

I looooove how Rowena and Crowley will go out of their way to annoy everyone:

Rowena (11x03)

Rowena: You wouldn't think a road trip with two such strapping lads could be this tedious. Shall we have a wee sing-song? Sam and Dean (in unison): No!

///

Crowley in early 12x03: YAY ROAD TRIP!

Unlike in the past, Crowley is making himself as ADORABLE AS POSSIBLE THIS SEASON, ESPECIALLY TO CAS. Hilarious change of tactics. Truly. Crowley and Rowena both want friends so badly!

Crowley singing!

12x03

&

Crowley singing again!

12x15

///

Crowley is ALSO blowing a lot of hot air this season. Which continues into the next episodes.

12x03

Cas, as usual, not reacting much to Crowley's attempts to wound. (This is partially why Crowley goads him; the game is in getting Cas to react, which... he almost never does.)

////

But it's is soooooo funny, though. Crowley calls himself a "Jay-Z" and a POWERFUL demon and keeps trying to make digs at Cas as only "kinda powerful"...

...and yet insisting Cas go ahead of him, BWAHAHA. I love Crowley so much. I never thought about how Metatron-coded hs is a lot of the time, and it's... hilarious. (I'm a huge Metatron girl, so.)

"You first, Cas, go go!"

//

Also, I'm 99% sure this is the era where Rowena notoriously flipped on Cas, deciding he was super desirable, and I'm 99% sure this drove Crowley insane.

///

Rowena is in her dating-any-men-possible era, and she instantly starts velcro-ing herself to Cas. Later we'll see her go, "Ooooh, is the handsome angel there. Hi, tweetie pie!"

////

But yeah. Metatron, Crowley, and Rowena want to be popular kids and have friends soooooooooooo bad and I love them all.

///

Literally, all Crowley wants from life is to steal Sam and Dean's (and Cas's) roles. As we saw in s10, he HATES work. He wants his life to be one long fun road trip, filled with booze and bar-hopping.

///

Also LOL at Sam assuming Rowena got some licks in and did some damage. I love that he has this wonderful assumption of Rowena's strength:

///

///

///

Crowley tries much harder than usual to muster up (transparent) bluster. He's feeling insecure, lost. He wants friends, family, security. I think he's partially throwing his weight around because Lucifer represents his deepest insecurity: his job.

Beating Lucifer is the last peak, and maybe if he climbs it, he thinks, his life will finally even out.

&

///

AHAHA. Crowley loves being annoying, and he loves trying to break Cas's poker face.

///

And speaking of uncool, Sam and Dean are pretty "uncool" this episode too, LOL!

&

VERSUS

Despite the others nagging him, it's CAS who establishes a rapport and gets the "in" this episode.

Cas does this being being unashamedly uncool, not being a yapping Hell-king, or trying to appear "hip" like Sam and Dean do.

///

And Cas's stoic heroism seems to rub off on him. Crowley, not willing to fight Lucifer for Rowena in 12x02:

Crowley, who deep down wants to be more heroic like Cas, Like "Superman"...

...Is now trying his best to be a little more of a hero, following Cas's lead (he says it's because he hates Lucifer, but we'll do Crowley take up for friends and even the rescued-girl-of-the-week in later eps: Stuck in the Middle (with you) AND Somewhere in Between Heaven and Hell.

///

A hero's entrance:

//

And again, I had a meta about this before, but it's sooooo interesting that Lucifer is using Cas as a Chuck-stand-in: "Took you long enough," like he's been waiting for Cas, specifically. Like he wants a reaction out of Cas specifically.

//

And you know what else is fun? Lucifer attacks Crowley brutally with a guitar

And two seconds later Cas doles out the same thing to Lucifer.

ANYWAY.

This is the era when Rowena starting referring to Cas as "the handsome angel," and he actually gets fidgety and shy about it, and Crowley is probably losing his mind over Rowena's developing crush on him, especially since Cas, by all appearances, treats Rowena so nicies in comparision to Crowley.

BUT! In the next episode, Cas is a little nicer to Crowley, playing along by calling him Agent Zappa. Seems like they're KINDA friends now.

[can0n-fodder]

Sad to say it, but we need to stop laying all the "Supernatural hates women" blame entirely on the writers, because damn...did the audience sure hate ever single woman that show tried to give us.

The Supernatural audience...the one known for adoring male characters for having the exact same traits they loudly despise in the female characters. The same audience that raised double-standards to an art form.

We complain (rightly) that they kept killing off the women, while we conveniently forget how much the fans routinely shit on every one of those killed-off women.

The only two that escaped this mostly unscathed were Charlie and Rowena, both fan favs. Why? I don't know. Ask the psyche/literature majors because there's definitely a thesis paper in there.

[crashdevlin]

Permission Granted 1- New Girl

Author’s Note: This is the first chapter of Permission Granted, the first part of To Have it All. This is Open...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen meets Y/n, the new guest star on Supernatural. There's an instant connection, but a dozen reasons not to pursue it. 

Pairing: none yet, eventual Jensen x Reader

Word count: 4354

Story Warnings: none really, little bit of Y/n's shitty self esteem peeking through

~~~~

"They're replacing Ruthie quick, aren’t they?" I commented to Jared as I read over Dabb's email in the Hair and Makeup trailer. "Wonder why they didn't just bring Rowena back."

"Fresh face, probably. I dunno. You know Dabb's always looking for new female characters to kill off." Jared shrugged and took a drink of his froufrou iced latte.

"Oh, if we're lucky, maybe she'll be a lesbian so they can leave her broken in a bathtub," I said, rolling my eyes as they started blow drying Jared's hair.

"Or a fuckin’ love interest so they can kill her off in two episodes," he shouted over the sound of the dryer.

"Shoshanna got more than two."

"Barely, Ackles! She got two and then forty-five seconds of a death scene!”

I nodded and licked my lips. Yeah, they had to kill her off. Every fuckin’ time. “Well, maybe this one won’t go the same direction.”

I settled back and read over the rest of the email. Damn it. They’ve got Dean on the ‘Kill Jack despite the fact that the kid hasn’t done anything wrong’ track. Of course they do. Have they ever watched the show? Whatever.

It was a couple days later that I was sitting in the makeup chair and a short woman walked up the steps and stopped in her tracks. She's not the first guest to freeze when they see me the first time but she was definitely the cutest doing it. I didn’t call attention to her 'deer in the headlights' thing as she stood in the doorway, clearly debating leaving until she looked at her phone screen and determined that she had to stay.

She had to get herself comfortable with me somehow. As fun as it can be to tease the new girl, professionalism is the best way forward for most of these situations. I determined to tease her when she got a little more comfortable.

She sat down in the stylist’s chair and looked down at her phone, obviously trying to distract herself with something more than Jennifer doing her hair. It was pretty adorable. She was pretty adorable. But...I had to start the task of getting her okay.

“You must be our new witch,” I said. She made a little squeaky noise and I could see her eyes glaze over a little in the mirror. “I’m Jensen.” Normally, I would have offered my hand but we weren’t in the position for that.

“I know that,” she whispered, making me chuckle as she cleared her throat and turned a little to look at me as much as she could. “I’m Y/n. Big fan.”

“Yeah?”

“Yep. Uh, I used to watch Days with my mom, but I think I became a real fan with Smart Alec on Dark Angel,” she said and I smiled. Eric Brady and Alec McDowell. Two amazing characters. I really liked Alec. Jessica could’ve been less of a prima donna but I guess she could’ve been worse, too.

“That feels like a million years ago. That show was badass, though,” I mused. “Fox shoulda kept it longer.”

“Agreed,” she said, smiling all shy. She looked so fucking nervous, so I had to move the conversation along.

“So...fan of mine...have you seen much of this show or are we gonna have to give you context for scenes?” I teased. She seemed to relax a little, slumping in her chair.

“Might’ve been a fan of you longer, but I love the show. Seen almost every episode.”

Better than me. I haven’t seen half of ‘em. “Almost every episode? What kinda fan are you?”

“Do not question my nerd cred, sir,” she sassed me. “I’m a fan, big time. I even went to a Creation Con late last year, just to see you guys up close.”

I laughed a little at that. The cons are great, but I really don’t think we’re worth all that money just to see us in person. “Yeah? Gold?” I had to figure out how devoted a fan she actually was. It would determine my interaction moving forward.

“Silver. I was working retail at the time,” she responded, shaking her head a little. “Couldn’t reconcile dropping a thousand dollars on a vacation.”

I was happy to hear that she kept her crazy to reasonable levels. “Oh, so we met in the autograph line.”

“Yep,” she said, popping that ‘p’ like vocal directors hate so much and looking away from me in the mirror.

There was obviously a story there, so I pressed her. “What’d I sign for you?”

“A hat. A white hat...with a devil’s trap in the middle and SW and DW on opposite sides.”

Crazy as it is, I remembered the hat, but the conventions all blur together so I couldn’t tell where I met her. “Which con was this?” I asked.

“Atlanta,” she answered quickly.

A one-off con. That helped, because I only had one night of memories to sift through. White hat, shaking young woman who could barely speak to me and definitely couldn’t look me in the eyes. I remember my handler getting up after she walked away, came back a minute later to say that Y/n had almost passed out as soon as she got outside the curtain. “Oh, yeah, I remember. I tried to sign Jared’s side but you wouldn’t let me.”

Y/n turned to look at me, obviously shocked with those pretty eyes all wide. “You were doing it on purpose? I thought you were just tired and not paying attention.”

“Nah, I was exhausted in Atlanta, but you looked mortified. I was trying to make you laugh.” Obviously failed on that. I chuckled again as Jennifer started curling her hair. “You seem a lot more put together now.”

She scoffed and rolled her eyes just a bit. “I’m mortified now too, but I saw you and Jared were gonna be on Lot today so I took an Ativan before I got in the car this morning.” Always nice when people are honest and open about their anxiety problems.

“Well, that’s good. Take a double dose tomorrow,” I teased as Trisha pulled the makeup drop cloth and I stood, looking down at her as panic crossed her face.

“What? Why?” she squeaked.

I could tell she hadn’t been given the pages for our scene the next day. I couldn’t resist a little torture. I just laughed as I left the trailer. “You’ll see when you get tomorrow’s pages.” I met Jared on the Bunker set and he patted my shoulder as we walked up into the library. “First meeting with the new girl went well. She seems a little out of her element but nice overall.”

“Oh, uh, Y/n?”

“Yeah, she is a fan, actually. We met her at the Atlanta convention. She had that Devil’s Trap hat.” Jared shook his head. He didn’t remember her. “She’s the one that tripped or whatever right after I signed her hat.”

“Oh, the one that fuckin’ fainted?”

“Yeah, I think so. She’s still uncomfortable so we’ll have to warm her up.”

“‘Warm her up’, huh?” Jared raised his eyebrows suggestively and I laughed.

“Not like that, you dummy.”

Of course, Y/n was cute, but messing around with the guest stars was a bit of a no-no, and messing with fans was a big no-no. Especially considering that there’s almost nothing to keep a fan from talking...and the open marriage thing needed to stay quiet.

But I was curious about her. Can’t lie about that. So, I asked around. I went to a few other crew members before I went to Andrew Dabb.

“You remember that casting call we did toward the end of eleven? We got a few of the British Men of Letters off of it?” He leaned back in his chair and looked up at me. “We opened it up for a few folks without representation for a couple weeks. CW didn’t advertise it but we did a post on a few acting sites and there was a bit of circulation once the fandom got a hold of it. She sent a video in. She wasn’t right for the Brits, not posh enough, but her accents were good and she was a pretty great actress, so...”

“So, she isn’t an actor?”

“She’s been doing pretty well for the fact that she hasn’t acted in anything before.”

I blinked at him a few times. “Wow. So, she’s completely green?”

“Technically, yeah. But the second unit directors say she’s doing good.”

“Cool. Thanks.” I started to leave but stopped at the door. “So, what’s the track on her character? She stickin’ around?”

“She’s on for five episodes.”

“Is she going to bite it after those episodes?” I pushed.

“We’re not exactly-”

“Is she a love interest? Is she gonna disappear without a trace? Will she at least get an actual storyline?”

Andrew rolled his eyes at me and shifted in his chair. “I don’t know if she’s going to be a love interest. The writers’ room is in disagreement about that. She’d be a good match for Dean, but we’re not sure how the viewers would react. They never really like it when Dean and Sam have women in their lives.”

“So, you don’t even know. Okay.” I was not impressed with that answer so I left him in his office.

I went looking for her at lunchtime, a little after 1. She was sitting at a table in the Craft Services tent, in the corner by herself, looking down at a paper coffee cup. She was really good at making herself small and seemingly insignificant...but it had the opposite effect on me. It made me want to talk to her more. I grabbed a coffee for myself and a caramel macchiato for Jared from the coffee cart.

“So, I asked Dabb where we got you from and he said it was an open cast. You sent a video in but you’ve never done anything else. You don’t even have an agent.” I walked up and sat in front of her on the other side of the table. She looked up and her eyes went all wide. “So you just decided to become an actor in your twenties?” I guessed her age.

She bit her bottom lip for a minute before leaning forward. “No. I decided to become an actor in high school,” she disputed. She looked a bit disappointed as she continued. “I then graduated from high school and decided that it was a stupid dream and I’d never make any headway so I gave up on it and got a real job.”

She did say that she was working retail. “Retail. So where are you from, Y/n?” I took a drink of my coffee as she leaned back.

“Northwest Florida. Little town about fifteen miles from the state line.”

I smiled, remembering a Spring Break with Christian back in the 90s. “North Florida. I spent a couple Spring Breaks at PCB when I was...younger and unmarried.”

She gave a little laugh. “Panama City is about an hour and a half away from home.”

I took another drink, trying to think of something to keep the conversation going. “So you acted in high school, huh?” I asked as I saw Jared walk into the tent behind her.

“Yeah. School plays, Thespians, Forensics competitions, that kinda thing.” I heard about that competition shit from Jared. ‘Competition’ is the key word on that. Apparently, it’s harder than screen acting.

“You did Forensics?” Jared asked, his whole face lighting up. “I won Nationals with my friend Chris in high school.” He came over and folded himself backward into a chair. I handed him his coffee and he nodded at me.

“I did monos. Got second in State, but didn’t make Nationals.” She sounded a little disappointed, but shit, second in State is pretty damn good.

“I did monos, duos, and extemp, but I only placed in Duo. Jared,” he said, reaching out to shake her hand.

She looked a bit more comfortable with Jared and that made me feel a little bit jealous. I’m nice. I didn’t understand why she was awkward with me. “Y/n. It’s amazing to meet you.”

“Oh, he gets an ‘amazing to meet you’? I didn’t even get a handshake.” I covered the jealousy with a teasing comment.

Jared teased back before she could. “Well maybe I’m just more approachable, dude.”

“You? Giant muscley gym-bro?” I hit back.

“Honestly, I’m five-three so you’re both giants to me,” she joked with a laugh.

“So, Y/n, how long did they sign you for?” Jared asked.

“Five episodes to start. They said they’ll give me more or not depending on fan response. They’ll probably hate me, though, so I’ll be gone by midseason Hellatus.” ‘Hellatus’ made me smile.

“Why would they hate you?” Jared asked. “It’s not like your character is a love interest.” He looked between Y/n and me for a minute. “Wait, Tara’s not a love interest, is she?”

“Andrew said the writers are at an impasse on that one. No, the fans will hate her for one simple reason: jealousy.” I shrugged. “She’s a fan. Some of ‘em probably know her from, like cons and shit. They’re gonna be jealous that she’s here and they aren’t.”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’ve kinda tried to keep a lid on this from the fan groups. Haven’t told anybody except the family and my best friends about it. Unfortunately, had to stop posting in my Facebook groups when I got the job.” I cringed a bit at the mention of the Facebook groups. Fan groups are a subject best ignored as much as possible.

Jared laughed. “Man, you seem like a reasonable woman so don’t be offended when I say...some of our fans are crazy. You’re better off staying away from the fan sites.”

She smiled. “No, I know how crazy some of us can be. I’ve had some fights online with the tin-hat folks.”

I know I grimaced when she mentioned those folks. Jared did, too. “What is wrong with those people?” Jared shook his head.

She started laughing and it was such a cute, uninhibited sound. “They just...really want you to be gay for each other.”

“Yeah.” She was definitely comfortable and I wanted to take full advantage of it. “So, uh, you get tomorrow’s pages yet?” I asked, smirking. She looked down for a moment before hiding by drinking her coffee. “Yeah, she did. You gonna be okay? You’re not gonna freak out, are you?”

“I will…” She swallowed so loud I could hear it across the table. “...try my best...to not freak out.”

“You look like you’re already freaking out,” Jared said, smiling.

She took a deep breath and let it out as a scoff. “Totally. I am totally freaking out about tomorrow’s scene.”

Jared and I both laughed before I leaned forward a bit. “How about we run lines later?” That wasn’t a new thing for me. I often offer to run lines, especially with the guest stars. But the next words that came out of my mouth were new. “We could grab some dinner, meet up at my trailer, and get the nerves out of the way.”

I was just about to apologize for overstepping any bounds by inviting her to my trailer when she whispered, “That sounds...amazing.” It was this breathy, sexy voice coming out of this sweet woman and I just didn’t feel like I’d overstepped after that, even when she stuttered out, “I mean, it sounds amazing to get the nerves out of the-”

“6 o’clock. Don’t be late,” I said as Jared and I stood to get back to the Bunker.

“What am I gonna do? Go back to my motel to watch one of the ten channels that actually come through clearly?”

“They’ve got you in that Budget Inn, don’t they?” Jared guessed. We have heard a lot of horror stories about that motel.

“Yeah. It’s not so bad. Gotta sleep in the tub to avoid the bed bugs, but it’s cool. Livin’ the dream,” she joked and I laughed as we walked away.

"So...your trailer, Ackles?" Jared asked as we walked away, his eyebrow cocked.

"I'm just tryin' to be friendly, man."

"I know what your 'friendly' looks like and that was not just friendly."

"I just met her!" I argued. "And she's a guest...and a fan! I'm just trying to accommodate her nervousness so we don’t have to do a million takes tomorrow."

"Okay, well...I won't tell Dee, but you should-" I reached out and pushed his shoulder roughly and he laughed as he teetered a bit. "She seems nice, though. Don't scare her away."

I wasn’t planning to scare Y/n away. I wasn’t planning anything except hospitality. I really wasn’t. But she was cute and interesting and she was obviously incredibly attracted to me, so I couldn’t do anything anyway because that might get awkward quick.

No, I was just gonna make a new friend out of the new girl. I’ve done it a bunch of times before. I mean...look at Misha.

She showed up about half an hour early and watched us flub a few takes of this argument between Sam and Dean about Jack and it was fun to watch her expression get more awed with every take. Phil cut us for dinner after a while I jumped down from the soundstage, smiling at the look on her face. “Well, hello, Newbie,” I greeted. “I’m thinkin’ pizza. You good with pizza?”

She nodded. “Yeah. Pizza’s fine.”

I walked away from her, trying to keep everything casual as we went off to my trailer. She ran after me and I slowed down a bit. I was used to Jared and Misha following me around the lot, so I had to consciously slow myself to make it easier for Y/n’s short legs.

“Any dietary restrictions? Lactose, gluten, vegan?” I asked, just to make sure that I wasn’t going to poison her by ordering a pie with pepperoni or something.

“It’s not a pizza without cheese and meats and…” Y/n shook her head and laughed. “I’m a Southern girl. We don’t deal with crazy…gluten-free, meat-free, paleo-vegan...blah, blah, blah,” she finished, gesturing with her hands in the air. It was adorable.

“I thought you were from Florida,” I argued teasingly. “Not really ‘Southern’.”

“And I thought you’d been to North Florida. You should know that Northwest Florida is pretty much UCLA: Upper Corner, Lower Alabama,” she responded and I laughed. Never heard that one before. “That’s not my joke.”

“It was pretty funny anyway. So, you like pepperoni?”

“Look at me. Do I look like I’ve ever turned down free food? Well, except lasagna, but got a...thing with lasagna.”

That threw me so hard I had to stop and turn to her. “What does that mean, you’ve got a thing with lasagna?” I asked.

“There was a bad thing with some really horrible microwave lasagna when I was about seven. Couldn’t eat it for years, now I can only eat it if I make it.”

There was a story there, but I wasn’t ready to push for it. “Wow. Okay. Do not order lasagna. Check.” I opened up the trailer and let her in, grabbing my phone off of the counter as soon as I got inside. I pulled up the speed dial for the closest good pizza place and went into the bathroom to change. It was a mix of teasing her and preparing her that I drove me to change my clothes. Well, change my pants into shorts and take the wardrobe shirts off. I wrapped a towel around my waist and checked in the mirror to make sure the shorts weren’t visible before setting the phone on the sink counter and grabbing the door handle. “Okay, pizza will be here in ‘bout forty, which gives us plenty of time to run lines,” I said, to get her attention before I’d opened the door, so she could get the full effect of my outfit.

Which got me exactly the dumbfounded look from her that I was expecting. She stared. And when I say ‘stared’, I mean it. Her jaw dropped, her eyes went focused and unfocused and roamed over me like crazy. Usually, I start feeling shy when women stare at me like that, but not with her. With Y/n, it felt less like objectification and more like appreciation.

“See, this is why we need to practice,” I said to snap her out of it. I smirked as she cleared her throat and looked off toward the fireplace before closing her eyes.

“Sorry.”

“No, you have to look at me, kid. It’s part of the scene.”

She sighed and looked over at me. “I’m not a kid. I have a kid. I’m a woman.”

“Then act like one,” I challenged.

She licked her lips, cleared her throat again and sat forward. “Please, do keep both hands on the towel, Winchester. One never knows where you hunters have hidden weapons.”

I went into Dean mode like the second nature that it is. “Tara. What do you want?”

“World peace, a condo in Malibu, and a little respect would be nice,” she said, confidence that was definitely not her natural mode leaking out of her. “I mean, I did save your asses in Chicago.”

“Yeah, that’s not how I remember it.”

She laughed out loud and stood. “Of course not. You can’t possibly admit that a witch helped you. I mean, a witch other than Rowena Macleod.”

“Yeah, your mentor, right? Explain again why I’m supposed to trust that you’re a white witch?”

“She wasn’t my mentor. She wasn’t allowed to be. Olivette wouldn’t let me. Shit! ‘Olivette wouldn’t let her’.” Her face fell as she pulled out her pages, obviously upset that she’d blown a single word in her line. “‘Olivette wouldn’t let her. We had to train in secret, but that doesn’t mean I carry her ideals’,” she read frantically.

I smiled as soothingly as possible. “Calm down. It’s a lot better to fuck up here with me than out there on camera. Don’t wanna end up on the gag reel, do you?” She shook her head. “All right. From the top.”

We made it through the scene completely on the second try and she said her lines like she was completely immersed in Tara’s character. It shocked me a bit, actually. No wonder Casting picked her out of a pile of video submissions. She hit those facial expressions and the overwhelming sense of ‘trying to do right without the right tools’ better than I could have imagined. There was so much pain in her eyes when she said, “Don’t trust me. Don’t like me. I don’t care” and it wasn’t even in the script to be anything but pissy.

She asked how well she’d done and I smiled as I pulled the towel off and tossed it across the room to land on the counter. She looked relieved to see my golf shorts. “You did great. You think you’ll be able to stay focused in front of the cameras?”

“Well, if I can manage to not drool all over myself staring at you when it’s just the two of us, I think I can keep my shit together in front of Phil and everyone else.”

I smiled as she carried some of her Tara energy over into her real life. “Ah, so you’re one of those fans,” I teased.

She scoffed loudly. “Oh, come on. You know how sexy you are.” She scrunched her face up in a grimace and looked away. “That was not what I intended to say.”

“Can’t take it back now,” I said, chuckling.

“Oh, how I wish I could,” she said, shaking her head. “Okay, so have they told you anything about the Chicago episode ‘cause I have no clue what’s going on with that. They haven’t given me anything on that.”

They do that sometimes, where they’ll forget to tell folks what’s going on in the episodes before. It’s part of shooting out of order, but it usually doesn’t affect the guests too much...and they almost always told me and Jared in advance. “Right, I’ve got a first draft script round here somewhere.” I went looking around the counter near the kitchenette to find the script and handed it to her. I’d already read it but I looked over her shoulder as she went through it herself.

“Oh, she...is very flirty, isn’t she?” she said when she got to the part where Tara said ‘If we were doing what I wanted, we’d be in bed not a warehouse’. She seemed a bit uncomfortable about it so I smiled and knocked my knee into hers.

“You can handle that, right?”

“Of course I can,” she defended.

“Good,” I said, getting up to retrieve the pizza from the PA knocking at my door. As we ate slices of floppy pepperoni pizza, she pointed out a line where Dean tells Sam ‘Tara was kinda hot in a Khloe Kardashian circa 2007 kinda way’. “Which means…?”

“That’s when she was the ‘fat’ Kardashian,” Y/n explained, looking down at herself a bit self-consciously. “She was still hot, I guess…’cause she knows how to make herself look good with the clothes and makeup and all the stuff money makes easy, but she was not considered the prettiest one.”

It seemed like a subject that made her sad, and I guess I could see that Y/n was what Hollywood considered ‘fat’, but I thought she was hot...and I didn’t like her feeling bad about herself. “Oh, so a chick likes to eat, so she’s not hot? Never understand that.”

“Me either,” she said, smiling as she took a big bite of her pizza.

I made her feel a bit better and that was exactly what I needed at that moment.

The Kitchen Sink Tags- @flamencodiva @sacriceria @lyarr24 @440mxs-wife @nancymcl @mariekoukie6661 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @cosicas-cuquis @queenoftheunderdark @myheartbelongsintz @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278 @muhahaha303 @agirlwithdemonblood @this-is-me19 @mrswhozeewhatsis

[aylacavebear]

Stockroom Antics - Chapter 20

Maria had changed jobs numerous times over the last five years, more to keep herself safe than anything else. Her mother had told her she was a fairy but she thought it was just her mom being weird. Honestly, though, she had no other way of explaining what had happened to her that stormy day before she'd gone into a coma for two weeks.

Please don't take my work. I'll post warnings for each chapter. Will probably be 18+ I haven't decided yet!

Word Count: 2071

Pairing eventually Dean Winchester x OC

Warnings: Angst

A/N: This one's written a little differently than my last one. Let me know what you think. It's the first time I've tried this type of writing. Chapters will alternate viewpoints as well. I also looked into an actual area so this one could feel more realistic. This one is taking on a life of it's own in a turn I hadn't anticipated, so adding a new tag.

----------------------------------------- Stockroom Antics Chapter 20

Dean had been laying in bed for well over a half hour, replaying the events of the evening, but mostly how she had pulled away when he tried to reach out to her.

He was still trying to figure out how to talk to her about the soulmate thing without sounding like a creep. At least Bubbles agreed with him on how stubborn Maria was. Dean knew he, himself, was quite stubborn, but that girl seemed to be just as stubborn as he was, if not worse.

Sam, too, was lying in bed, contemplating how the night before had gone. He felt horrible for having soured the evening's mood. He had at least found a protection spell so that Rowena couldn’t just cast a spell on Maria. That could keep her somewhat safe. The plan was to put together the hex bags after some coffee. 

The brothers headed out of their respective rooms at roughly the same time and then toward the kitchen for coffee. Bubbles noticed Dean in the war room before Maria did. So, it flew over and landed on his shoulder, making him jump but also laugh.

“Well, good morning to you, too,” he chuckled, rubbing her chin.

“I swear, I don’t think I’ll get used to there being a dragon here,” Sam chuckled, watching the interaction.

Dean glanced in the library, seeing her sitting there, and his smile faded a little. She looked almost angry, but he had no clue why. The word “stubborn” flashed in his mind, making him chuckle as he turned from her and went for coffee, his brother right behind him.

“Yeah, she’s stubborn all right,” he told Bubbles, pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“Are you talking to the dragon?” Sam asked, slightly confused, getting himself some coffee.

The two sat down at the table, Bubbles still on Dean’s shoulder, “She shows me things, in my head. I don’t know how to do that, so I just talk out loud to her,” he explained, sipping his coffee.

“It’s clear to me that you have to be her soulmate, Dean. There’s no other explanation for this,” Sam said, gesturing to the dragon on his brother’s shoulder.

Bubbles nodded her head vigorously.

“It seems she agrees with you,” Dean chuckled, then his smile faded, “But, I think Maria’s mad at me. I just don’t know why,” he sighed.

“Huh, she didn’t seem mad last night,” Sam said, a little puzzled, but Bubbles nodded her head, “At least the dragon understands English.”

“Her name is Bubbles,” Maria said from the kitchen doorway, her arms crossed, and she didn’t look happy.

The brothers wondered how much she had overheard, and Dean did his best not to stare at her. Even though she looked mad, he still found her adorable. 

“Mornin’ Sweetheart,” Dean told her, unable to not smirk playfully at her.

“Morning Maria. You okay?” Sam asked, trying not to be intimidated by the look she had.

“Morning,” was all she said as she got herself another cup of coffee and left them in the kitchen.

They were fairly confused as they looked at each other, “I wonder what the hell that was all about? She almost seems pissed,” Sam said.

“Bubbles says she’s mad,” Dean chuckled, shaking his head in amusement.

“So, does the-, I mean, Bubbles talk to you, or is it different?” Sam asked curiously.

“She shows me pictures most of the time. Sometimes, it’s words. It’s not like how you and I talk,” Dean explained as he sipped his coffee. "From what she’s shown me, Maria’s mad because I knew Bubble’s name before she did.”

Sam chuckled, “Makes sense. Especially since she doesn’t want to believe in the whole soulmate thing. Also explains why you can communicate with her familiar.”

“Good luck convincing her of that,” he sighed, and Bubbles rubbed her head against his cheek in an attempt to comfort him. He reached up again and rubbed her chin a little.

“You know, that’s actually kinda cute,” Sam chuckled.

“Shut up,” Dean grumbled a little, although he wasn’t mad or anything.

That only made Sam laugh, “Yeah, big macho hunter, petting a dragon that’s sitting on his shoulder. You look so tough,” Sam teased him, playfully, of course.

“Bitch,” Dean grumbled again, doing his best not to laugh.

“Jerk,” Sam laughed.

“How much do you think she heard?” Dean asked, almost worried.

“Clearly not much, or she might have said something,” Sam answered, glancing at the kitchen doorway.

They finished their first cups, then took their second into the library, sitting across from her at the table. She hadn’t even looked up at them. Bubbles went back to her task of teaching herself to write. The brothers watched. Sam was confused, but Dean was pretty sure he had at least an idea of what was going on.

“Having trouble this morning?” Dean asked Maria, daring to look over at her.

She was partially leaning over a piece of paper, writing something down, her hair falling over her shoulders with a couple of strands over her face. “No. Just writing out a list of things for baking,” she answered, although her tone told him she wasn’t in a good mood.

An image of how Bubbles had tried to tell her that she was hungry played out in Dean’s mind and it took everything in him not to burst out laughing. Sam took notice of how Dean was attempting to keep from smiling, wondering why.

“If you say so, Sweetheart,” he chuckled, still stifling the laughter that was difficult to stave off.

All she did was shift her eyes up at him, glaring. He still found her adorable, and he sucked both his lips between his teeth, not wanting to piss her off further with his laughter.

“It’s not funny,” she said and looked back down at her paper. 

That was all it took, and he lost it, unable to keep it in anymore. She slammed the pen down on top of the paper and glared at him, “I’m sorry, Sweetheart. I really don’t mean to laugh, but it’s funny,” he told her.

She turned her attention to Sam, who had been somewhat quiet, not wanting her anger directed at him, “Is she talking to you too?” Maria asked fairly angrily.

Sam put his hands up in surrender, “Nope. Bubbles doesn’t talk to me,” he quickly answered, then sipped his coffee. No matter how amusing the situation was to him, he wasn’t about to push her, even accidentally.

“Oh, come on, don’t be mad,” Dean told her, trying to calm her down with a softer tone.

At that moment, Bubbles brought over a piece of paper with one word written on it and handed it to her. “I am not,” Maria stated, crumpled up the piece of paper, and then went to her room.

“What the hell was that all about?” Sam asked, completely lost.

Dean reached over, picked up the crumpled piece of paper, and opened it back up. He lost it laughing, then showed Sam, who chuckled. The one word on the paper was “Stubborn.” 

“I think she might need a bit more time to adjust,” Dean sighed, glancing toward the hallway, wondering how the hell he was going to talk to her with the mood she was in. Bubbles just pointed to the word on the paper again.

“So, how do we talk to her then?” Sam asked Bubbles, knowing it wouldn’t be able to answer him.

Bubbles sat back on her haunches, thinking, then looked at the hallway where Maria had gone. It was a tricky question to answer. Another word came to Dean’s mind.

“Sam, let's get to work on those hex bags,” Dean sighed.

“What’d she show you?” Sam asked.

“Maria needs to feel safe before she’ll drop her guard. It’s not that she’s being stubborn. She’s scared,” Dean explained, and he felt somewhat heartbroken, wanting nothing more than to comfort her. Dean understood exactly how she felt; he’d been there himself.

“On it,” Sam said quickly, downing his coffee.

It took Sam just over an hour to gather all of the ingredients and put the hex bags together. Bubbles watched with complete curiosity while Dean explained what was happening. Sam couldn’t help but chuckle at times, hearing only one side of the conversation between his brother and Bubbles. Maria, though, never came out of her room.

“You might want to be the one to take hers to her,” Dean suggested since Bubbles had suggested it to him.

“Might give you a chance to have that skin-to-skin contact,” Sam mused as he tied off the last hex bag.

“Sam, she’s not gonna let me get that close,” Dean sighed, “At least she isn’t pissed at you.”

“We’ll figure this out. She can’t stay mad at you forever,” Sam told him, trying to reassure his brother. Even Bubbles set her front paw/hand on his, giving him an understanding expression.

Dean didn’t respond, just gave Bubbles a small smile as Sam headed to Maria’s room.

“Maria, it's Sam,” he said when she didn’t answer, then waited a bit longer. When she still didn’t say anything, he slowly opened her door, finding her sleeping. 

He may not have been her soulmate, but he felt for her. She was curled up on her bed, hugging her pillow close, and it looked like she’d been crying. Sam sighed silently, then backed up and closed her door, returning to the library, hex bag still in hand. Dean stood up, worried when he saw his brother.

“What happened?” he asked.

“She’s sleeping. I’ll wait till she wakes up,” Sam answered, not wanting to tell his brother all of what he saw, knowing it would only make him worry.

Dean sighed and sat back down. Bubbles could tell he was worried, but when there was a knock on the bunker door, she became aggressive, growling.

“What the hell?” Dean said, looking toward the landing.

Sam went to see who it was, only slightly nervous. They weren’t expecting anyone, and he was worried with Bubbles turning aggressive. Dean could hear Sam arguing with someone but couldn’t make out who he was arguing with. Then he saw her, and his jaw clenched, watching her walk down the stairs, smiling smugly. Sam quickly followed her.

“Awe, it’s adorable,” Rowena cooed as she stood a few feet from the library table.

“Get out,” Dean growled lowly, Bubbles following suit.

“Now, is that any way to treat someone who’s just here to help?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, “Looks like you boys have been busy.” She’d clearly noticed the hex bags on the table.

“You don’t just help out of the kindness of your heart. We know Crowly sent you,” Sam interjected.

“Where is the little angel?” Rowena asked sweetly, then glanced toward the hallway, “Awe, is she napping?”

Bubbles instantly flew over to the hallway, keeping itself between Rowena and being able to get to Maria. She was still growling at her, baring her teeth. 

Rowena’s eyes flashed blue/purple as she looked at the little dragon. “Little one, if I wanted to get to her, I could.” Bubbles almost cowered at the sight and feel of Rowena’s powers but stood its ground. “Aren’t you adorable?”

“I swear, Rowena,” Dean began, getting pissed, quickly, “Get. The. Hell. Out,” he repeated, enunciating each word through a clenched jaw.

Maria rubbed her eyes as she made it to the hallways, stopping and looking down at Bubbles, confused. “What’s going on?” she mumbled, sounding sleepy.

“Oh, there’s the little angel,” Rowena cooed, looking over at her.

“Who are you?” Maria asked, meeting her gaze.

Bubbles growled at her again, staying between Rowena and Maria.

“Yes, dear, introductions are in order. Can’t leave it up to the Neanderthals after all,” she said sweetly, “I’m Rowena.”

The brothers watched Maria freeze where she stood, a momentary flash of fear in her eyes. “Catch,” Sam hollered, tossing one of the hex bags he’d made earlier to her.

Rowena made it catch fire mid-air, smirking, “Those won’t be necessary. I’m not going to hurt the poor darling. She looks terrified,” she said, sounding almost sad for Maria. Then she looked over at the brothers, “You two are the worst hosts, scaring her like you have.”

Then, Rowena and Maria were gone, leaving the brothers and Bubbles looking around, confused and worried.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 21

Tag List: @djs8891 @deans-spinster-witch

Link to the series Master List

A/N: If you'd like to be tagged in future chapters, leave me a comment, and I'll make sure to tag you

[broomsticks]

HP fic rec list: underrated gems of 2022

AO3 collection here. mostly ultra rare pairs, gen fic, character studies, and G/T rated fic. all are short <10k-ish reads (plenty of <1k ficlets) - do give them a read if any look interesting!

transports of delight by @swoontodeath (1.7k, G). The Knight Bus meets the Catbus. Sometimes destiny looks a lot like driving in the same direction.

pairing: Knight Bus (Harry Potter)/Catbus (My Neighbor Totoro). come for the crack ship, stay for the autistic stan shunpike. i’m a sucker for outsider POV and this is why — such great opportunity for some unique characterization, which this author took full advantage of here!

-#-

Life of Pye by @houseofhebrideanblacks (9k, E). Augustus Pye sees patients at St. Mungo's.

SUCH a creative unique fic - love it when authors take their deep IRL expertise and weave it into the canon HP verse. as the author put it, for anyone curious about what a nonmagical doctor sounds like writing about what they imagine magical medicine is like, day in and day out.

“It’s Puddlemere versus the Cannons tonight. The cup final.” Pye stopped mid-stride and mid-thought, shoulders seeming to weep under the weight of realisation. “Oh no,” he almost whispered. “Oh yes,” Marge glowered, “and you’re alone tonight, Rupert is off sick.” “Good heavens,” Pye whimpered, his coffee seeming to shrink in his hand, both in potency and relevance. In the waiting room behind him, three blokes hurricaned in chanting “CANNONS, CANNONS, CANNONS,” their unconscious friend slumped and dragged between them. “You know how it is, Pye,” Marge turned and shuffled back to validate the young witch’s national insurance card. Speaking over her shoulder, she finished, “never a dull moment at Mungo’s.”

-#-

Strangers In A Strange Land by @sleepstxtic (7.5k words, T). Helga, Salazar, and Godric dock in a strange land looking for the elusive fourth member of their team.

helga/rowena, founders friendship with POC Rowena Ravenclaw and Viking Helga Hufflepuff. CANON NODS and POC REP and FEMSLASH and a wonderful fascinating setting — ticks every single one of my AU boxes. another incredibly inventive and criminally underrated story.

-#-

A Different Truth by @paulamcg (2.8k, G). A week before Halloween 1993, when a colleague appreciates his company, Cuthbert may feel alive, even though he's dead and it's Saturday.

ok this is the last time i will say criminally underrated. canon-compliant POA first person cuthbert binns & remus lupin. this could’ve been slash and i would’ve been sold on it. i love their friendship, bonding over literature (of course) and a walk in the woods (so unexpected, but works so well.)

-#-

Meagre Pieces by @vdoshu (1k words, T). The Muggle-born Registration Commission is announced, and Andromeda feels sick.

The fact that the first Muggle-born Minister for Magic was a great victory for equality . . . one which was never again repeated.

@thistlecatfics’s trans teddy tonks x andromeda is taking over the world and i’m here for it. the political commentary in this. doshu you absolute wizard — you’ve got such range and you nail it every. single. time.

-#-

O let the world come at you, love (currently anonymous) (5k, T). Twelve-year-old Harry tries to figure out his parents' polyamorous relationship with Peter Pettigrew.

the first fic for the peter/lily/james tag on AO3, gifted to me for this year’s rare pairs exchange, and it’s all the wholesome fluff i i could’ve wanted from this ship and more!!! so much poly rep!! background wolfstar+tonks (ish), dorlene+implied others, and just the perfect epilogue 🥰

"Does it bother you that your parents are with Pete?" Sirius asked. "No! I know they're polymers."

-#-

Nirmal by @crazybutgood (2.8k, G).

postwar cho/padma. i ADORE this fic. there are literally LINKS to all the places and foods and songs mentioned, it’s an ENTIRE immersive multimedia experience in 3k words - a beautiful and horrendously underappreciated fic, imo.

hawa paani ka badlaav hona chahiye—A change in atmosphere is often needed to improve one's health or state of mind. Literally, a change in the winds, and the water. Parvati quoted that saying to us one evening last month, suggesting that it would be good for Cho and me. My parents knew that I had been with Cho for just over a year then, and welcomed her to stay with us after the Battle … Cho actually looked interested at the idea and suggested our home countries for a month each. And so, we’re currently visiting Mumbai first, staying in a Muggle area at my Muggle maushi’s place, in July—during the monsoon season.

-#-

a heart the size of jupiter (a smile like the sun) by gghostish (300 words, G, no archive warnings).

linny, epileptic luna lovegood. such a lovely achy hurty little thing ❤️

-#-

métamorphoses by @venom0usbarbie (5k, M). The blood curse took her grandmother. And now, she has to pay the piper if she doesn't want it to take her too.

astoria greengrass-centric, astoria & hermione (gen/possible pre-relationship). this fic wow. where do i begin!! the descriptive writing. the angsty family feels. the way barbie writes the blurring of thoughts and feelings and emotions into physical sensations is harrowingly good. check out everything else by her if you liked this, her style is inimitable.

-#-

wood-rush and wildflowers by @nanneramma (500 words, G). Lily has a secret, and it's time to tell Petunia.

wonderful little canon compliant alternate character POV vignette, gorgeous writing. also reccing this horrorific pansy/tom (ad te omnis caro veniet, 1.3k, M), this gorgeously sad canon-compliant alice & neville (gaps, 300, G), and every single one of nan’s summer femslash double drabbles!

-#-

covered in your ivy by @girl-with-goats (1.5k, M).

smutty BDSM remus/lily with planty metaphors that just work so well for this pairing!

-#-

I Always Underestimate You by @patriceavril (10k, M).

sirius & lily friendship! multi-era, canon compliant, sirius/mary and jily. i love the way patrice characterizes this friendship -- it’s not always easy, and that’s why it feels so earned!

-#-

Madam Smith by @lumosatnight (200 words, G). HOKEY/WINKY! SO charming and sweet and lovely and fluffy.

A Bleak Midwinter by @bluesundaycake (500, T). A Fenrir Greyback character study. feel sorry for baby fenrir thank you bye <3

Pray by @krethes (300, T). A Hope Lupin character study. yes hello hi read and CRY WITH ME

The Prince's Poems by @inmyownlittlecorner5. seven poems, misc formats. this author writes the most enthralling snape, and making it poetry is just !!! unfair. such powerful writing in so few words.

[minalblood]

And finally , long awaited ep 12. Sorry guys !!!

- We start off with one of the characters not wanting to deal with whatever they're dealing with. That's not gonna be relevant throughout I'm sure...

- Have I mentioned that I hate clowns? Cuz hate clowns

- Ah yes! Dean discussing lying to yourself, also gonna be relevant. But I'm even more intrigued that he ties this need for dishonesty intrinsically to hunting.

- John is completely lying to himself and projecting hard on Mary. Not that Mary isn't also lying to herself. Interestingly, John and Mary are the most evenly split here between Sam or Dean coding.

- ok, as someone who has a veritable collection of tarot decks that I also use, I'm so fucking happy to see the Minor Arcana mentioned in fiction. Especially since most just add in Major Arcana cards with little to no relevance or meaning as to why those cards drawn are Majors. And yeah, the witches here aren't doing a reading, but I still love to see Swords and Pentacles mentioned! Might even be a cheeky hint as to how the main witch operates since swords are commonly related to the mental aspect and pentacles to the material/monetary (Known in some decks as coins even). And what is she doing if not playing a mind game in order to win the game and gain the reward for it.

-God, she's an asshole to Ada! No one is an asshole to Ada!

- Well, Limbo def is an apt name. He def acts like a type of inbetween state where you're not dead but you sure aren't living either. I also find it fascinating in the context of Purgatory. Because to Dean Purgatory was pure (or better put for our purposes here, was unfiltered truth) whereas Limbo here is pure avoidance. Essentially ,if Purgatory worked as a place where Dean could be as uncomplicated and true as he could (which yes, that's very much an oversimplification) then Limbo is pure pretending/fake.

- And Mary is once again trying to take command, only here John is refusing, is pushing back against it, where before he'd have gone along or even tried to get the others to fall in line acting as mediator.

- The misdirect of the brother is hilarious in hindsight, they gave him such menacing music as background.

- Love that we have clear signs that if at all possible witches will try to hide.

- ROWEEEEENNNNAAAAA!!!!!

-John & Lata, hell yeah! Love that she's checking in with him and that she makes sure to clarify that she's the one asking. And gives him the space he's clearly asking for, not pushing against his lie.

- Meanwhile, Mary& Carlos have a much more direct convo but no less empathetic though still focused on John interestingly enough.

- Adore that Carlos was so so shocked by her outburst and then again that she was faking.

- Love a soul trade that is basically a trap

- The way Carlos just forgot their cover. Hahahahaha OMG!!! I love them!

- And the echoes of Sam begin in earnest - parents dead, older brother trying to parent but not having the tools to do so, younger brother running away...

- It's interesting that Limbo was trying to remain in a perpetually happy state (and targetted those he saw as needing the same) but Clarence ended up essentially in a state of perpetual grief. He says he wishes he'd helped Roger through his grief but he himself just traded the grief of his parents death with that of Roger's being taken. An interesting contrast between Limbo & Clarence, and a clear echo of SPN!John there also - mild but present.

- Oh, Carlos,you absolute sweetheart! And no argument against the "you were just a kid too" statement, love to see it!

- OK, now comes me trying to argue that this Rowena is our Rowena. Exhibit A: she was so clearly lying about the Grimoire and not the fact that the MOL stole it - her facial expressions to me read very much like she just made up an excuse to be there and help Ada. We've seen how Romena acts when she's actually trying to get a powerful Grimoire, this was not it. at all. This felt more like her keeping appearences than actually working an angle.

- Neverming, forgot she literally spells it out for us. In other words though, I was right.

-I choose to believe that the demon trapped in the plant is somehow, someway related to her getting Crowley back. I love Crowley so I will not accept any other meaning here. I'd have loved to see what they wanted to do with Rowena later on. Ugh every day I mourn that we didn't get more of this show.

- I take back John projecting. I would actually like to formally apologize to John here cuz Mary is doing the tried and true "dealing with emotions" approach that Sam uses everytime aka she is trying to dictate how John should be reacting to kyle's murder just because he isn't reacting like how she thinks he should be. I do love seeing them fight here, It's a whole mess they've found themselves in and haven't dealt with it at all so far. Make sense it'll all come to a head in this away. John is actually our Dean-mirror here. This fight also echoes the fight between Sam & Dean at Mia Vallens place (word for word even, in some places).

- Also love that John pushes back. And especially that he puts to words what I think a lot of the fandom has said some variation of. That as long as there's one more hunt, a world to save, people in danger then considering an alternate future

becomes that much harder to go towards... And that's not to say this applies 1 to 1 to Sam and Dean, because they quite literally didn't have a choice, but it does speak to the fact that you can't really move forward until you let go of the past that's holding you back or more so even -  though we're moving away from what this ep has to say with this - that you can't really heal from trauma til you're out of the traumatizing situation.

- And continuing our Sam echoes here, it's in fact Mary who's 1st approached by Limbo, Mary who's pain calls out while all the eyes were on John (and once more I'm reminded of the

Werther Box and how it was Sam who nearly killed himself due to a Rowena hallucination via the Box that got so much worryingly closer than Dean who we saw from the start got hit by the spell)

"John: Mary wait for me

Mary: Nope! I do what I want (proceeds to get taken by monster) " oh how the turn tables...

- I gotta say, this wasn't John's fault here. Mary wasn't ok far before their fight and if it had just beenmthe fight then John would've been taken too then. I actually think Limbo might've been honing into people who were, yes in crisis, but refusing to deal with it just like he had been, people looking to bargain away the negativity in their life for even a false sense of happiness.

- I also gotta mention this is the...2nd monster who's source of power is a mirror (Loki/Gabe being the 1st) Are there others that I'm missing? Is this a pattern?? I don’t remember, pls lemme know.

- Carlos you absolute king! Once more being the one to offer the practical solution, Lata is our theoretical queen though, let it be known,

- FFS! Rowena literally says she's looking for info ABOUT CROWLEY! Is my memory so bad or is my subconscious so active?

-Oh Rowena, there was no need to hurt Ada. Why must two bad bitches fight eachother?!

- Ah John, there you are, stumbling straight into danger. Couldn't let Mary have this one, could you?

- Hate clowns!

- Don't mind Limbo that much right now.

- Wait!!!. John cheated his way here... like he cheated his way into the army, like he, technically, cheated his way to hunting (he's MOL legacy afterall)

- "We never have to fight again about my future or your anger" jesus christ, skinning me alive would hurt less than this line. After all, what causes the whole fight in SPN to occur if not Mary's lack of a future and John's resulting anger (spurned by grief) My god, this fucking line from Mary.

- John is truly our Dean mirror here "it wouldn't be real" echoes so much Dean's feelings about heaven

- Also the pain in John's eyes, even as he is forced to smile might haunt me almost as much as Dean faking a smile in season 7. And I legit cannot look at that scene with Dean.

- Nooo, not the clowns ...

- Carlos and that big heart of theirs saves the day. I love it.

- Lata is however absolutely hilarious here though.

- l love Rowena so much. And she's gorgeous as always!

- Of course we'll be dealing with souls being used up, tiny Jack and Lily Sunder echo, nice!

- Exhibit B for Rowena, she just vanishes into thin air, not her usual way of leaving prior to Queen of Hell status

- Ugh, the "it's been 30 years" since Clarence has seen his brother. The Mary resurection of it all. And John with the "better than never seeing them again" hits hard man!

- Oh Mary, sweetheart.

- I like their resolution a lot. And Millie just giving them all the good news

- Yes Lala you figured it out baby!

- And Ada, I know she ends up telling them, but god when this first aired the Winchester stupidity was fresh to mind so I was soooo concerned for her.

Just the finale left now, I am sad 😔 but excited!

See y'all then!

@noybusiness - thank you for the encouragements! Its finally here!

@shallowseeker - I love reading your thoughts on SPN and had a fantastic time beta reading for you so here's something for u to hoefully enjoy! Hope you feel better soon!

[samsexualdeancurious]

Heaven in Hell (NSFW)

Pairing: Sam x Rowena

Words: 489

Summary: Rowena has ways to make her time at court more enjoyable.

Warnings: public sex, oral sex (female receiving), kind of dom!Rowena.

Set in a post-15x04 AU where Sam becomes the Boy King to Rowena's Queen of Hell, this fic is intended to be in the same AU as this 15x04 "fix-it" I wrote in 2019.

---

Rowena’s cries echo off the stone walls of her throne room as her orgasm rushes through her. Sam’s hands are steady on her hips, holding her in place even as she shakes apart under his ministrations. His mouth is a piece of Heaven in Hell - Sam himself is a piece of Heaven in Hell, if she’s going to be honest with herself. What better way to spend her afterlife than with Sam Winchester kneeling between her thighs, eating her out on her throne in front of her court?

“Good boy,” Rowena praises, more than a little breathy as she strokes Sam’s hair but her gaze is steady when she meets the black eyes of the nearest demon. They’ve been putting a genuine effort into not visibly reacting to Sam eagerly attending to her needs even as she discussed logistics. Despite their dedication to self-control, though, Rowena can still see the hunger in their gaze.

Sam lifts his head and his eyes are bright when they meet her’s. His lips are flushed as dark as his cheeks, his chin covered in her arousal, and she can’t help herself. Her grip on his hair tightens and she pulls him up on his knees to meets his mouth in a bruising kiss. Sam moans openly. She’d never had expected Sam to be a vocal lover but he has no qualms about telling the whole of Hell how much the Boy King enjoys his Queen.

Sam braces himself against the arms of her throne as he deepens the kiss with a hungry growl. His body fits between her thighs and her suspicions of his arousal are confirmed when his clothed bulge is pressed against her pelvis. She wants so badly to tell him to unzip and fuck her but she does want to get this meeting over with. Further interruptions will only draw it out longer. So instead of ordering him to take her right here on her throne, she slides one hand up the front of his long, beautiful neck to curl around his throat. He freezes and she feels the click of him swallowing. She doesn’t squeeze, just gently guides him back onto his heels.

“Down, boy,” she purrs.

Sam has his back to the room, so he has no qualms about pouting. It’s adorable and tempting but she’s not going to cave.

“Later, my dove. Be a dear and fix my skirt?”

Sam obeys but when he’s done, he doesn’t return to his own throne like she expected. Instead, he claims a spot sitting at her feet. His long legs sprawled across the top step of the dais, he leans his shoulder against her knee with a knowing smirk when he sees the jealousy on the faces of the court. Rowena smiles down at him before fixing the demon she was speaking with before her orgasm with a firm stare.

“Well? Get on with it. I don’t have all day.”

---

Like this fic? Support me longterm on Patreon HERE or make a one-time donation on Ko-Fi HERE.

—

Team Forever: @mrswhozeewhatsis @manawhaat @books-and-icecream @laughing-at-the-darkness @tumbler-tidbits @emoryhemsworth @imsuperawkward

[soullessjack]

Question for you about baby Jack: do you think the same people that flatten Jack tend to also woobify Cas to the point of comical gentleness and stereotypical femininity? I was thinking about the implications for both autistic characters having their violence and harsh parts cut away to make them more palatable/adorable.

YES OH MY FUCKING GOD THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING IT.

It was definitely way worse around like S6-7 with Crazy!Cas than it is now, especially as a product of the show’s airing time and how queer men (ie Dean and Cas) were generally viewed during then; if you’ve been on the 2010’s internet you might remember all those mlm ship dynamics that were really just repackages of traditional marriage and gender roles: Alpha/Beta, Top/Bottom, Dom/Sub, etc.

/ Full disclosure that I was *not in these online circles during the 2010’s and I’m not any sort of gender studies expert, so anyone’s free to correct me if I get stuff wrong lol. /

But from what I’ve seen and what I know, Alphas, Tops, and Doms are typically very stereotypically masculine, carrying all the stereotypical traits like aggression and emotional unavailability, and filling in stereo-traditionally masculine roles like being protectors or providers. Vice versa, Betas/Bottoms/Subs were usually the extremely effeminate other half; they were more emotionally sensitive and weak, needed to be protected, and for the most part portrayed as looking physically androgynous or “soft.” Ergo, you have basically affixed these queer men to acting as The Man and The Woman, even though it’s two men.

Like I said, it’s definitely gone away for the most part, especially with the rise in actual gender studies and how gender expression is viewed, especially for men. I’ll still see it in some Destiel art here and there where Dean is this big gruff strong pants-wearer saving a blushing baby-faced dress-clad Cas, (cough wheeze diminuel but you didn’t hear that from me) but thankfully it isn’t thee most prevalent content made for Cas the way baby!jack is thee most prevalent content made for Jack, and there have been plenty of people over the years to come forward and correctly establish Cas as a way more dominant and capable guy than the ao3 fics would have you believe.

Same goes for Dean! He’s set up to be The Man, he likes violence and steak and guns and sleazy dive bar sex, but he’s a very emotionally sensitive man and has his own dips into femininity (Rhonda Hurley, cooking/baking, being Sam’s ‘mother,’ etc.) I’m actually of the opinion that SPN has some of the queerest masculinity ever , and again I’m not a gender studies student or expert by a long shot, but I do think there’s something to be said about how a show that is sort of built on a reversal and deconstruction of the nuclear family (ie Mary being a hunter and John being a normal man, Dean being Sam’s mother in their childhood) is so constantly regurgitated into those very roles by the fandom:

Sam is the “mom” of Jack’s 3 dads, Cas is the sensitive effeminate bean who needs big strong brawny man Dean to protect him, etc., and with Jack’s confirmation as non-binary so many ppl took to drawing them in mostly feminine fashion (which to me speaks a lot to how queer masculinity is treated but that’s for another post I think).

There’s also a lot to be said about how important mothers and motherhood are to SPN. Mary Winchester, Kelly Kline, Lily Sunder, Rowena Macleod, Jody Mills, Amelia Novak, I’m sure I could go on. Sam and Dean follow in the footsteps of their mother’s family as hunters. Castiel bonds with Jack through Kelly, and Jack takes after Kelly more than he does Lucifer (his grandma even points out that he sort of looks like her). I’m absolutely not saying SPN is this ultra feminist show, but when it tries it tries, and what it lays down is very much worth picking up.

you’ll have to forgive me for centering Jack on a Cas ask but I promise it’s not for nothing. like, the whole “twist” to Jack’s character isn’t just that he’s good or sweet; it’s also that he’s much more like his mother. Not only does he look like her, but he’s also very emotional; he’s sensitive, he’s intuitive, he’s deeply empathetic. and where most teen boys wanna be like their old man, he wants to be more like Kelly; even keeping her name as his own. of course he presents fairly masculinely, as do the other guys (unless we’re counting kitchen aprons as a feminine thing, which I only would with a grain of salt), but so much of his character is faceted in being like Kelly; being like his mother, being like a woman, and within the show’s framework that’s a celebrated thing!

I feel like I’m getting away from the original question so here’s some last thoughts to send out the door with you:

> Sam and Dean’s connection and relationship to Mary is also celebrated within the show, arguably more so than their relationship with John

> the importance of mothers in spn is somewhat highlighted by their absences (Sam and Dean, Claire)

TLDR: supernatural accidentally smashed the nuclear gender family and made their men queer and fandom culture/patriarchal norms doesn’t understand it because masculinity isn’t seen as inherently queer the way femininity/androgyny is

[random-introverted-blog]

Read your answer the second you posted it basically! I meant to answer but mulled over nicknames. Used a thing to make your account name  Anagrams. It’s in the end.  This has been living in my head rent free. 

Shadowheart def deserved more cute assist lines. Yeah, they all deserve causal flirting. Wyll and Karlach are the cutest! 

Post game definitely works for them. Slowwwwburrrrrrrrn. A lot of stuff goes ‘lemme go back to a previous save real quick, bae.’ XD

Bending things for canon is really so entertaining. 

AA would really be an ass bout it but would take you back. He does say he misses Tav in epilogue. He is still pretty obsessed. Also there was another thing that says he thinks about Tav a lot but is too prideful to seek them out: 

Asty and SH having Tav as a shared ex would be so crazy. Them being like ‘We’re so happy without Tav’ (at first. Pettiness) . Then them being ‘surprise pikachu face’ when they actually do get over Tav and fall for each other.

I have so many work in progress fics. SH deserves more fics l! 

I just adore chatting with you! You’re so fun and sweet. Might actually just dm you one day but let’s see!

Get you a couple that can do all three! I love the random funny bits that can ensue. They think they’re all that but would do cringey and funny stuff too.

The ‘I mentally plotted and planned a lot but didn’t see this coming at all’ is so funny to think about. 

Asty would be like why did this happen again (his track record of accidentally falling for Tav before). He’d be extremely possessive and extra. Definitely would be like ‘You won’t be getting rid of me ever, Jen.’.

Both are will try and avoid making the same mistakes.

Batstarion shenanigans and him just being even more chaotic and silly and just trying to accompany her ‘undercover’ though it’s like it’s a dead giveaway and everyone’s ‘that’s your vampire boo isn’t it?’. 

Also the trying to be suave and being silly and caught off. 

Astarion would have a rivalry with Shar in a way ngl. He’s like that’s my girl just so we’re clear. Vampire Bride! Dark Justiciar! SH would be soooo extra. SH would find a way to keep power over him too somehow. A and SH would have a super back and forth, push and pull dynamic. They’d really have a long game. Super powerful both of them. Accidental equals and evil power couple.

The possibilities are truly endless. It’s great to speculate and indulge in what ifs! You’re very inspiring.

A song that suits both of em is ‘Can’t fight the moonlight’ by LeAnn Rimes. 

‘Can’t remember to forget you’ by Shakira suits em too (plus the players who can’t get over em. It’s like let’s do a new route! Gravitates towards Asty and SH still. Shame you can’t poly with them together. But I get it would be a lot of work and that’s why). 

That’s so nice of you. To be like ‘the stories I want aren’t out there’s gotta make them and cater to other fans too’. Your ideas are so fun and smart. Your writing style is so engaging. The angst and  potential and exploring stuff is everything.

Congrats on the followers and you deserve even more! It’s so cool to think bout! 30 people is a lot! 

For the nickname, I settled on Wenona!

I hope you don’t mind it? Hawthorne, Arya, Honey, Heather, Wendy, Dorothy, Howard, Shanon, Anthony, Reyna, Thea, Ashton, Rosanna, Rowena, Sandra, Sherwood were the other options. All of them are so posh! 

- bloodmoon anon

Always a pleasure to hear from you, bloodmoon!

I'm flattered you put so much effort into coming up with a name! I'm used to the only flattery coming from my partner, but they're biased. I could write the equivalent of Mirkons story when you save him and they'd still say "that's beautiful, my love" yes I'm calling you out, babe, I know you're reading this.

THAT SAID.

The lack of cute/sassy assist lines is part of why I wrote Deny Me Not Your Heart. The other part is I see all this hurt/comfort/injury stuff and no one is writing these for Shadowheart SHES THE HEALER GUYS, THINK ABOUT IT.

I think a post-game slow burn is the only solid way for an Ast and SH fic, at least for me. I'm sure you or others are more creative in that regard than me.

You don't want to know how many saves I have stacked up on my PS5 only to do it all over again to my Xbox now lmao.

Bending canon is what makes us fanfiction writers, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. It's an art of balancing canon and the characters to what your vision is. A well done fanfiction is one that is almost indistinguishable from the actual story. That blurs the lines between canon and fan content. I wrote a whole speech that I had to cut to keep this from getting too long but short version, yes it is very fun bending canon!

I heard about the too prideful thing but I believe that was a cut epilogue card so whether it's canon is up for debate. But yes, he is pretty obsessed and I'm here for it.

A story with Tav as a shared ex would be very interesting! That's sort of the concept behind my longfic but instead of falling in love with each other, Ascended and Dark Justiciar end up having a Yandere 1v1 over their ex. But for the sake of discussion, let's say Astarion and Shadowheart end up fake dating to spite Tav but end up falling in love together instead. Sounds like an interesting prompt!

I'm more of a Tav shipper myself, if my content is anything to go by. But I agree, Shadowheart deserves more content!

Aw, I enjoy chatting with you too! My DM's are open if you or anyone feels like hitting me up and discussing fanfic, if you'd rather not send it as an ask that gets posted to over 30 followers. I'm getting busier lately, so my responses may be slower but I'm always trying to respond to things asap! So if you or anyone else wants a more private conversation to discuss bg3 ideas or some such, don't hesitate! I'll bounce ideas back as best I can. I will say my ideas/concepts are primarily Astarion and Shadowheart though.

Ascended and Dark Justiciar accidentally falling in love due to not planning for the outcome is hilarious and, for Astarion, very much in character! It's established several times that intelligent as he is, he's not the greatest at planning ahead so him catching feelings for Sharran Shadowheart after manipulating her into a tactical alliance (spongebob fish anchor voice: when will he learn?) rings of...

And after losing Tav, he definitely would be way worse in the possessive department of Shadowheart.

"Is that your vampire fiancee, Mother Superior? He's quite adorable!"

Angry chirping translation: ADORABLE? NO, I AM VENGENCE! I AM DOMINATION INCARNATE! I COMMAND THE NIGHT!

Shadowheart: he is, isn't he? And he's all mine.

More angry chirping: YOURE MINE! MINE, I SAID! MINE!

So with Shadowheart having access to memory magic, she would need to subdue him, tie him up and laser guide amnesia his ass. You can even manipulate or modify his existing memories, if you go by Shadowheart initially believing the Sharrans saved her from that wolf and didn't abduct her from her loving parents.

Aww, I'm so glad I'm inspiring you guys! This is the reason I started this little blog and to see it helping people in any way is what keeps me going! Thank you so much for your support, I really am beyond words for how grateful I am for you and the others!

I discovered many years ago that if there's a story you want to see, sometimes you have to create it yourself! And if you want it, other people do too! So you sort of bring together your own little club of likeminded people! Case and point, us and this blog! It's always reassuring to hear my writing is engaging, I'm one of countless writers who always feels inadequate and insufficient, especially after I read other people's work.

You can call me whatever you want within reason, of course. So long as it's nothing malicious, harassing or bullying. My partner may have some choice words about people calling me honey though 🤔 Wenona and Hawthorne are nice too! But really, it's whatever you want. My blog is to serve. Not the other way around.

And if I take a little while replying to your asks please don't think I'm ignoring you. I try to set aside enough time to fully read and respond whatever I see posted/replied somewhere when it feels appropriate!

Think I replied to everything in your ask... Sorry if I missed something!

-newly named Wenona/Hawthorne/Whatever else you wanna call me! ❤️

[crowley-the-1-true-king-of-hell]

Castiel & Crowley or Crowstiel Stackednatural viewing order

Disclaimer: This is only episodes where I remember they interacted

In this viewing order their relationship is uh up and down

Day 6: 7x01 Meet the New Boss

Cas as God makes a deal with Crowley. What a strong beginning of the Crowstiel journey!

Day 31: 10x03 Soul Survivor

Crowley feeds grace to Cas to save his life

Day 37: 12x03 The Foundry

Crowley and Cas work together to track down Lucifer who has escaped the cage

Day 52: 11x06 Our Little World

Cas has this distressing vision where he almost kills Crowley. Unfortunately many episodes later the vision is reality and so in the Cracked watch version is a prophetic vision

Day 55: 8x07 Another Slice of Kevin

Cas in a way warns Crowley that he will smite him if he doesn't leave Kevin be. Glowing eyes and wings unleashed etc

Day 70: 12x07 Rock Never Dies

Crowley stands by Cas' side in the battle against Lucifer

Day 72: 6x10 Caged Heat

Cas pretends to kill Crowley and Sam & Dean are fooled by that

Day 76: 12x08 Lotus

One Crowstiel episode later Dean walks in on a scene where Crowley is meant to be dead but instead sees Cas and Crowley pretending to be FBI agents together. Dean is in a public place so he tries not to go off on a rant

Day 85: 9x10 Road Trip

Cas distrusts Crowley and Crowley looks at Cas with adoration. They ride in the backseat of the car together

Day 96: 12x09 First Blood

Crowley tells Cas he can't help Sam and Dean but reassures Cas that they will escape. They always do

Day 116: 12x12 Stuck in the Middle with You

Crowley saves Cas' life by breaking the weapon he would have loved to have used on Lucifer

Day 117: 10x14 The Executioner's Song

Cas looks at Crowley sympathetically when he realizes Dean tricked Crowley

Day 152: 11x18 Hell's Angel

Whilst 11x10, 11x14 have some Cas in it I feel like those episodes have been tainted by the Lucifer and Crowley dynamic

In this episode Crowley tries to free Cas from Lucifer's possession

Day 167: 6x19 Mommy Dearest

Crowley admonishes Cas for leaving a whole bunch of monster bodies he needs to clean up

Day 169: 8x21 The Great Escapist

Crowley looks at Cas fondly, shoots him in the stomach and then digs the angel tablet out of him. Meanwhile Cas looks at Crowley defiant the entire time

Day 172: 5x21 Two Minutes to Midnight

Cas asks Crowley in a surprised tone how he was able to get an item. Crowley made sure to remind his crush that he's king of the crossroads

Day 172: 6x20 The Man Who Would Be King

Crowley goes up to Cas and makes a deal with him to partner up to get the Purgatory souls. Cas agrees

Day 179: 8x23 Sacrifice

okay so idr any Cas & Crowley here but Stackednatural means in this crack watch everything after this is human blood Crowley

Day 181: 7x23 Survival of the Fittest

Basically Crowley gets mad at Cas over something? It's hard to know what that something is because "The Man Who Knew Too Much" hasn't been seen yet if your first ever rewatch is like this. But Cas thought it was bad enough to apologize for that

Day 182: 6x21 Let it Bleed

Cas gets mad at Crowley for kidnapping a mum and her child

Day 182: 6x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much

Cas doesn't give Crowley the Purgatory souls but warns Crowley to flee or die so he does give Crowley the chance to live

Day 182: 10x23 Brother's Keeper

Cas looks at Crowley sympathetically for the way Crowley's mum treats him. Cas gives Crowley an empty threat no glowing eyes no wings to try and get Crowley to help with the mark. Crowley says not until Cas begs. Rowena uses the attack dog spell on Cas to try and kill Crowley

Day 183: 11x23 Alpha and Omega

Crowley and Cas are alive and interact in a pretty normal way. No tension iirc?

Bonus

The final Castiel episode with or without Crowley is Alpha and Omega. Same goes for Crowley with or without Castiel

It is also the ending episode for Stackednatural

[snnynatural]

spn for the fandom meme ;D

send me a fandom and i'll tell you...

tagging @malka-lisitsa for sending the same fandom

The  first  character  I  first  fell  in  love  with:

the way i fell inlove with both sam and dean at the same time rekjgsbjregb i'm a whore.

The  character  I  never  expected  to  love  as  much  as  I  do  now:

ruby....at first watch, i was annoyed. but honestly? rewatches?? i actually adore her.

The  character  everyone  else  loves  that  I  don’t:

claire........... i do like the arch she has as being the consequence for cas's actions, but aaahhh I'M SORRY.

The  character  I  love  that  everyone  else  hates:

bela. i'm sorry, but she deserves fucking better. and my bro in law and his bestie said that i could be their bela in their trio and i SOBBED.

The  character  I  used  to  love  but  don’t  any  longer:

this a tough one that i have google up. probably claire? idk.

The  character  I  would  totally  smooch:

dean, sam, and castiel. SMOOCHES!! LET ME GIVE SMOOCHES!! i shall give jack a smooch on his head. even crowley gets smooch on his head.

The  character  I’d  want  to  be  like:

rowena. she is a mother fucking QUEEN!!!!

The  character  I’d  slap:

mother fucking becky.

A  pairing  that  I  love:

DESTIEL!!!!!!! also love the dynamic that sam and rowena have. and the chaos of crowley and cas.

A  pairing  that  I  despise: 

amara and dean.... i hated that whole thing. especially teenage amara feeling dean up like.. POR QUE