#and I am GLAD because I love my feminine side

[crayonurchin]

In 2021 I suffered a very severe bought of T-OCD, Transgender OCD.

This is a subset of OCD where, despite having never experienced thoughts of not identifying as your current gender (it can happen to all identities) you are suddenly obsessed with the thought 'what if I'm not this gender'?

The difference between T-OCD and actual trans thoughts, is the reaction. I cannot speak for transgender thoughts but I can speak for T-OCD thoughts. Mine were a constant terrifying fear that I was wrong about my identity, that if I didn't transition RIGHT NOW I would become so depressed I'd kill myself, I had constant intrusive thoughts of my breasts cut off like slices of ham, of my genitals being different, of facial hair and a deep voice and (essentially looking like my dad when he was young)

and it was horrible. I was so frightened of losing my femininity, something I really cherished. I had a couple nights holding scissors about to cut off my very long hair, something I love. I didn't want to do it, but it felt like I HAD to do it, because if I didn't then something very awful would happen.

I tried being called Andrew and wearing mens clothes and I bought a binder and packed my underwear, my thoughts to my body because extremely distorted, referring to my fat as 'blubber' and my breasts as 'udders'. And with all these fearful thoughts, there was absolutely 0 joy in being 'male'. I didn't want it. But it wouldn't go away.

It was one of the worst OCD episodes of my life and it came out of absolutely nowhere.

It's a tricky thing to talk about because there's a fear of hurting transgender people with this. If any fuckwit thinks they can go to their trans family, friend, coworker or stranger and say "are you REALLY trans or is it just OCD", I hope you step on a blowtorch.

But it does nEED to be talked about ,the same way all OCD subsets need to be talked about. This includes R-OCD, P-OCD, True-OCD and Sexuality-OCD. The more we make them 'normal', the less power they'll hold.

I wrote this because I was listening to a song cover and the singers used illustrations of themselves on screen. The female singer was a very pretty illustration, blouse loose around her chest, lips full and painted, gentle pretty eyes and long, volumeous dyed pink hair.

I saw that picture and thought 'she's so pretty, I want to look like that'

And THAT, is a gender thought that is NOT terrifying because it's female based. It's a good thought.

And I'm very happy I got it.

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

The Agreement

quinn hughes x nhl player!reader

note: this take place on Jan. 27/28 of 2023

warning: food mentioned, badly written/rushed (even though it took the longest to write) smut, lowkey Quinn is a simp

word count: 2.3k

This wasn’t ever supposed to happen, sure Y/n had always found Quinn attractive, but that was where the line was drawn and she told herself never to cross it. Y/n had been on men’s teams since she was 13 and started liking boys, but she never even kissed any of them, let alone slept with them. 

-last night-

It all started when the team went out to celebrate their win against Columbus, and with them not having another game for a couple days, they probably got a couple rounds too many.

“Another!” “No! We’re done, yeah just the check please.” “Bo, you are no fun.” The only woman at the table says, pointing her finger at him while she does, before grabbing her purse and searching through the mobile junk drawer to hand him a couple bills. Before she gets the chance Quinn taps her hand, a signal for her to stop as he paid both their shares. Before Y/n could open her mouth to argue, Quinn interrupted with, “You get the uber?” “Okay.” She says, smiling, Y/n gets very smiley when she’s drunk, and flirty, which did not go unnoticed by Quinn; he watched her flirt with the waiter all night.

After saying their goodbyes to their teammates when their uber arrived, the two walked out of the pub and into the cold Vancouver air. “I really love Vancouver, I’m glad I got drafted by a Canadian team. It has a piece of home. Rains a bit too much though, I could do without that. And you lived in Toronto right? I never went there before playing the leafs.” She also rambles when she’s drunk, “That’s us I think.” The tall woman walks over to the black car, confirming it was theirs, before opening the door for Quinn. 

“Shouldn’t I be getting the door for you?” “If you know me at all Huggy, you know that’s not true.” “True.” Y/n had always been independent, and with playing in the NHL she never wants the guys to treat her differently just because she’s a woman. And maybe it was a bit of internalised misogyny, and she was working on it, trying to be seen as strong while not giving up her feminine side, it was hard.

The drive was quiet, Y/n gazing out the window, Quinn gazing at her. And between his looks towards the woman he couldn’t help but notice the uber driver also taking his fair share of glances at the beautiful woman. Just like back at the pub with the waiter Quinn had this overwhelming urge to pull the guy’s eye out of their sockets so he could never look at his girl like that. Well not his girl- she wasn’t his girl and at the rate they were going Quinn doubted he would ever get the confidence to change that. His thoughts were interrupted by the uber driver himself, 

“We’re here.” “Thank you, bye Quinny see you-” Her words being cut off by Quinn closing his door. “Oh… OH! Jeez!” Y/n’s door opened in time with her scream, “Quinny, god you scared me.” “You should come inside.” “Why?” Quinn sent a quick glance to the man behind the wheel, before turning attention back to wear he often found it, Y/n, “This guy gives me bad vibes I don’t want to leave you alone with him.” “Quinn, it will be fine.” “No, come on, I’m serious.” His words slightly strained as he reaches over to undo the woman’s seatbelt, and grabs her wrist to bring her out of the creep’s car, slamming the door and continuing to his building. 

“You didn’t have to do that, I can handle myself and-” “You know that I am the last person to think you can’t handle yourself, it’s not a matter of that-” “-then what-” “-My mom raised me right, and I got bad vibes from that guy, and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you with him. If you don’t want to stay here tonight I can drive you home myself.” “...Thank you. I’m fine to stay here tonight, I’ll just sleep on your couch” “Nonsense” The man mumbles, reaching over to press the floor his apartment was on, then continuing, “I’ll sleep on the couch, you sleep in my bed.” “No.” “Yes.” “No- '' Before Y/n could reply with her argument, Quinn walked out of the elevator on his way to his door. “Hey!-” Quinn opened the door for them, moving his arm to signal Y/n to enter, “-Thanks-'' He then closes the door, and makes his way to the kitchen to get water for the two, while Y/n continues her case, “I’m not taking your bed, it’s yours.”

“Fine, whatever you say, you want to watch something?” Quinn asks, knowing he will get his way, turning on the TV and skimming through the different streaming services he has. Y/n comes over, sitting next to Quinn, “Left, Up.. Right, right.. Hmm down-” “I’ll just give it to you.” She takes the remote from him and eventually selects friends, knowing it was a safe option.

“God, I hate Ross. I think it’s because he reminds me of every guy I've dated.” With a quick glance Quinn determines it safe to ask, “How so?” “How so? Well let’s see, he’s controlling, and overly possessive and jealous, he’s never happy for Rachel’s accomplishments, and he has this egotistical air of superiority about him.” “Not that you're bitter or anything.” “I don’t know why I attract these terrible guys. Or I’m not going for the right one’s, like you. You’re good, I don’t know why I can’t get a guy like you.” At that, Quinn leans over to grab his water, suddenly really needing it.

“Sorry, that made things weird, maybe I’m still a little drunk.” Y/n mumbles, turning to face the man that is already looking at her. Against her own control, her eyes fell down to his lips, they’re a perfect shade, and looked so kissable. Not that she was thinking- oh hell, yes she was. After noticing how long she had been staring, she quickly brought her eyes back to his, only to find that the man’s own eyes were on her lips. So with the positive signals and the little bit of vodka and diet coke still in her system, the woman brings her hand to Quinn’s jaw, the action causing his eyes to finaling meet hers again. And while not saying anythingl, their eye contact said it all, and their lips crashed together.

They fit together flawlessly, moving in sync with each other. Y/n tongue coming to Quinn’s bottom lip, begging for access, which he qladly gave up with no fight. Her hands moving to around the man’s neck, and swinging her left leg over his to straddle him, his hands now moving down to her hips. Y/n could tell he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to touch her ass, so she did it herself, grabbing ahold of his wrists and moving his hand to comfortably grasp the flesh there. Subtly Y/n began to rock her hips against his, eliciting a groan from Quinn. 

This must have been Quinn’s last straw because he quickly stands, his hands holding Y/n up as she wraps her legs around his waist. He carries her to his room, never wincing from holding Y/n’s body weight, probably because her weight was his warm up weight, that fact only making him so much hotter to Y/n. He closes the door with his foot, continuing the walk to the bed, throwing the woman in his arms on his soft comforter, and crawling over top of her. 

Hastily kissing his way up her body and he does, deciding to set up camp at her neck, kissing and sucking on her pulse point. Tired of the slow pace, Y/n starts pulling at Quinn’s shirt wanting it off, getting the idea, Quinn leans back to take it off, Y/n did the same leaving her just in a sports bra. They have both seen eachother in this state many times before, but in the new setting, it was far more sensual. After taking off her shirt, Y/n moves her hands to her dress pants, Quinn mirroring her movements, “Are you sure about this?” “Yes.” bringing her knees to her chest, Y/n throws her pants on the floor for future her to find, while Quinn stands to take his own off.

Now both in just their underwear, Y/n drags Quinn with her hands on his shoulders, to sit against the soft headboard straddling him again, it was now her turn to suck hickies on his neck. Grasping the hair at the nape of Quinn’s neck and grinding against his hard-on with fewer layers, evokes moans from both. Quinn moves his hands from her back to wear Y/n is grinding herself on him to move the constricting fabric of their underwear, pulling his boxers down just enough for his cock to slap against the man’s abs, “Jesus.” “What?” Quinn asked, he never got complaints about his size but hearing Y/n’s reaction made him more self-conscious about his dick than he ever has been. “You’re just.. Big” Y/n laughs at her choice of words, not having known what to say. And after realising what she said, Quinn laughed too. It was nice to know they were still comfortable around each other; hopefully that won’t go away in the morning. 

“Um, thanks” “Anytime.” Y/n respond quickly, bringing her hands back to around Quinn’s neck pulling him into another kiss, just as fast as she started it, Y/n breaks the kiss reaching for the hem of her sports bra to rip it off, and somehow seeing the woman’s boobs made this all feel real, and Quinn must have been staring longer than he thought as Y/n reaches forward to raise his chin so his eyes are looking back at hers, “My eyes are up here, Huggy”

Without waiting for his response, Y/n brings Quinn in for another heated kiss, and after a moment brings her hands to move her panties to the side, feeling the wet spot on them. She grasps Quinns cock in her hand, giving it a few good pumps, before rising to her knees, and lining her wet hole with his hard cock. “Last chance, you sure Quinny?” “God, ye-.” 

Before he could finish, Y/n sinks herself fully on his cock, giving herself a moment to adjust to Quinn’s size before moving up and down, with the help of Quinn with his hands on her ass once again. “Oh, Quinn.. So full.” Y/n really having to carry the conversation as Quinn is too pussy drunk to respond, only moaning and groaning when Y/n does something he likes. “Fuck Y/n! You’re so tight, pussy feels amazing” Saying this, Quinn brings his thumb to Y/n's bottom lip, in her lustful state, she opens her mouth allowing his thumb to enter without much thought. Swirling her tongue around his digit, then releasing it, when Quinn makes moves to bring his thumb towards the woman's swollen clit. Rubbing small circle there, which cause Y/n to moan loudly at the feeling.

Neither of the two last that long, “Oh fuck- Y/n I’m gonna- fuck.” “Me too. Fuck! Oh fuck!” With one last sink down Y/n is cuming harder than she has in a long time, not completely stopping her movements but slowing them, trying to help Quinn find his orgasm and for her to ride out her own. Feeling Y/n come around him, Quinn is about to give in, “Where- want it.” “Inside! Please!” And at that Quinn is gone, bucking his hips up into Y/n more riding out his orgasm. “Ah~ Quinn ‘s sensitive.” "I know, baby"

Both panting, Quinn still inside and slides down for his head to be on his pillows, and Y/n leaning her body on his chest. “Let me get you a washcloth.” Quinn said, making moves to leave, before Y/n put her hands on his pecs and stopping him, “Give me a sec.” Y/n pants out and about a minute later says, “Okay.” And she starts rising on her knees, only for them to give out, “Do you want-” “Nah, I’m good.” Giving her legs their redemption, which they do well at, and lays on her back next to Quinn. “I’ll get you a washcloth.” Quinn reaches for his boxers, getting up, putting them on, then starting for the bathroom “No wait. I have to pee."

-the morning-

The late morning sun dipped into the bedroom, hitting Y/n in the eyes, causing her to wake up, not only to the feeling of the winter sunshine on her face but to the feeling of an arm around her, a man’s arm, Quinn’s arm. “Fuck.”

Softly, Y/n slips out of Quinn’s bed and tries to find her clothes to get dressed, all while trying and failing to not wake Quinn. “Morning” He says, in a husky morning voice. “Good Morning. I’m gonna be on my way, don’t want to intrude on your off day.” “Nah, it’s fine. I’ll make breakfast.” 

Y/n now dressed in Quinn’s clothes and Quinn making the two of them eggs on toast, the girl had to put her mind to rest and ask Quinn. 

“So.. Last night..” “Yeah.” With neither knowing exactly what to say, silence engulfed the room. 

“It was good- great! It was great.” “Yeah” “...Would that ever happen again?” That shocked Quinn he was preparing himself to get rejected, “Do you want it to happen again?” “I mean..Yeah.” “Okay.” With their nonchalant-ness you wouldn’t think they just agreed to sleep with each other again. Though their nervousness and tension in the room could be cut with a knife. “But, if we’re doing this we should have like a couple ground rules.” “Oh, yeah. That's a good idea.” 

The two sat at Quinn’s island turning their bodies to face each other, “Okay.. obviously not telling anyone.” “Of course.” “And no kissing, unless we’re leading it somewhere.” “Okay.” “And no dates or anything like it.” “Right.” “Okay, that’s the agreement?” “Yep.” “Shake on it.”

Y/n said, sticking out her hand, Quinn taking it and shaking her hand in agreement.

These rules will kill him.

~taglist~

@books-hlmc

[grungeprincess2]

Kurt Cobain Quotes

1. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

2. Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

3. Friends are nothing but a known enemy.

4. Wanting to be someone else is a waste of who you are.

5. If my eyes could show my soul, everyone would cry when they saw me smile.

6. I am definitely a feminist. I'm f--king disgusted by the way women are still treated. It's 1993 and some people still think we're in 1950s. We need to make more progress. There needs to be more female musicians, more female artists, more female writers. Everything is dominated by f--king males and I'm sick of it!

7. Thank you for the tragedy. I need it for my art.

8. Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with with your self-esteem. They're no good at all.

9. We're so trendy we can't even escape ourselves.

10. I definitely feel closer to the feminine side of the human being than I do the male - or the American idea of what a male is supposed to be. Just watch a beer commercial and you'll see what I mean.

11. I mean, I’m definitely gay in spirit, and I probably could be bisexual. But I’m married, and I’m more attracted to Courtney [Love] than I ever have been toward a person, so there’s no point in trying to sow my oats at this point. [Laughs] If I wouldn't have found Courtney, I probably would have carried on with a bisexual lifestyle.

12. Ever since the beginning of rock and roll, there's been an Axl Rose. And it's just boring. It's totally boring to me.

13. I thought I would try to be gay for a while, but I'm just more sexually attracted to women. But I'm really glad that I found a few gay friends, because it totally saved me from becoming a monk or something.

14. If any of you, in any way, hate homosexuals, people of a different color or women, please do this one favor for us—leave us the fuck alone. Don’t come to our shows and don’t buy our records.

15. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate women about how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

16. The duty of youth is to challenge corruption.

17. We’re not as popular as everyone thinks, and we’re not as rich as everyone thinks.

18. There are a lot of things I wish I would have done, instead of just sitting around and complaining about having a boring life.

19. Punk is musical freedom. It’s saying, doing, and playing what you want.

20. Words suck. I mean, everything has been said. Words aren’t as important as the energy derived from music, especially live.

21. I'm a spokesman for myself. It just so happens that there's a bunch of people that are concerned with what I have to say. I find that frightening at times because I'm just as confused as most people. I don't have the answers for anything.

22. Holding my baby is the best drug in the world.

23. No one is afraid of heights, they’re afraid of falling down. No one is afraid of saying I love you, they’re afraid of the answer.

24. I use bits and pieces of others’ personalities to form my own.

25. If you die you're completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I'm not afraid of dying. Total peace after death, becoming someone else is the best hope I've got.

26. I just can’t believe anyone would start a band just to make the scene and be cool and have chicks. I just can’t believe it.

27. To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important, sacred and valuable. To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility.

28. You can’t buy happiness.

30. Nobody dies a virgin. Life f***s us all.

31. Music is energy. A mood, atmosphere. Feeling.

33. If you’re really a mean person you’re going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

34. There’s good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too f****** sad.

35. I have to admit I’ve found myself doing the same things that a lot of other rock stars do or are forced to do. Which is not being able to respond to mail, not being able to keep up on current music, and I’m pretty much locked away a lot. The outside world is pretty foreign to me.

36. I really miss being able to blend in with people.

37. It’s better to burn out than fade away.

38. God is gay

[guardian5tiger3]

Pick a picture tarot reading

Whatever comes out

Groups

1 2

3 4

Group one

You guys need to or are letting the past go in order to step into better energy(ies).

However you've been feeling be it trapped, or stuck, maybe depressed,negative in some way it's pretty different depending on the person, but regardless, the point is sort of that that all doesn't and definitely won't matter soon. You all are needing to /are finding a balance between your masculine and feminine sides of yourself. If not those energies some type of balance within yourself. That will then reflect onto your outer world. You all are manifesting something and it is a very refreshing energy. It may be something bad or negative being exposed. It is some kind of truth coming out for most of you. If somebody did something negative they're definitely not getting away with it. Even and actually especially if you don't already know about it. Soon you will. Or at least someone that can and will do or say something about it will know.

Could also just be the universe itself setting that right somehow

Group two

It kind of seems like something was brought up and put to an end. But maybe it still is happening or someone is still doing something OR has the potential too. This is a super strange reading I'm getting a lot of different super specific scenarios. So for instance ,if someone is enjoying something that is yours and is from your energy like maybe your roommate or family has someone over and they eat your food. Or for someone animals or bugs are eating food or herbs out of your garden/yard whatever. I'm getting something about a church so maybe something for one of you is going on like that at your church it seems like it's talked about. So you all have a problem like this so in terms of a solution for all of you.. some of you need other people's help, some of you need to have your guard up, maybe a camera , maybe a fence put up.some of you the ending already put to this is good enough though especially if or it would work if you did something to scare someone like set up something to make a loud noise. I am also very much getting to tell you all that this situation is very dependent on how you look at it. You could be like, oh how cute a squirrel is eating my plants :)... Or , hey somebody is in need I'm glad they're looking to my energy because that would be generous of me to help or to give. Whatever it may be.

Group three

Someone is doing mental manipulation on you. Maybe they're just saying things to make you depressed, some of you someone is doing magic on you, maybe even mind control. Especially if you're in a state of rest or some type of keeping it lowkey or even just depression lately. Also if you've just been sleeping a lot. Something like that. This is cause the universe is meant to be gifting you something right now. It's especially about home life for a lot of you. Also for a good few of you your love life. Maybe getting a new dog for someone. Moving homes to somewhere better for another few. You guys need to accept a negative energy for being negative , have strength over it and move on. It will be better after you do so. For some reason this is reminding me that yesterday I was so tired but I still decided to , and did work out anyway. I needed it and I did and do feel better but like you guys it just seems like, hey keep going even though you're tired or feeling like you wanna lay low right now. Inner strength. Now is the time to keep going.

Group four

You all have an angel guiding and helping you. Especially about anything you might not see or know, or going through something that isn't fully clear to you what's really going on. This could be a living person or a spirit. If anything bad happened in your past or especially childhoods just know that somebody did see it or knows or believes you and they understand and it will be made right. For some of you I'm getting the energy of two different males or for someone, one very two faced one. Seems like people who have done something wrong to someone else. What spirit wants you guys to know and what they want you to do is to build yourself up, in some way and for some of you build a foundation for yourself or something. Focus on and make sure you're good when it comes to money. Trust spirit in this as well. Like I said, you're all being guided. You should listen to some calming and or sweet music if that makes sense. That's how I know to word the energy I just got. I'm thinking about the grateful dead but that's just me.

[howlingday]

Harriet: Glad you showed up. I wanted to ask you something.

Jaune: Uh, sure. What's up?

Harriet: I need to ask you something, and I need a real answer.

Jaune: Okay?

Harriet: What do you think of me... as a woman?

Jaune: Huh?

Harriet: L-Like, do I have womanly charms?

Jaune: Uh, where is this coming from?

Harriet: Well... As long as I can remember, people have always said I wasn't "lady-like". Honestly, I can't disagree. I'm good at sports, exercise, and other physical stuff. In fact, it's probably why I've never been in love! And if I've never been in love, then am I really a woman?

Harriet: S-So that's why... I want you to be my boyfriend.

Jaune: ...WHAT?!

Harriet: No, no! Not like a real boyfriend! Just- Just like a practice run, y'know?

Jaune: A practice run?

Harriet: I'm not a woman because I've never been in love, and I can't fall in love because I'm not a woman. Do you see the dilemma? My vicious cycle I'm trapped in? So I need a practice run to bring out my feminine side!

Jaune: I don't know...

Harriet: C'mon,man! I'm on my hands and knees here! I'm begging you! Please help me!

Jaune: I... Does it have to be me?

Harriet: I can't ask anyone else. Please!

Jaune: ...Fine. I guess I can help for a while.

Harriet: Really?! Sweet!

Jaune: So, what do I do?

Harriet: ...Good question.

Jaune: ...

Harriet: ...Okay! Let's get started!

Harriet: (Clears throat) Hello, darling~! Did you have a good day at work? Would you like dinner, or should I draw you a bath?

Jaune: I... think that's jumping ahead a bit. You're acting like a housewife in a comedy.

Harriet: Oh, really? Alright, new approach!

Harriet: (Grabs him) You bastard! You said you would leave your wife, you liar!

Jaune: Th-That's even worse...

Harriet: W-What?! You mean... I can't even get a practice run, right? So I'm going to grow old and die alone and give up on love...

Jaune: H-Hang on! Let's dial it back bit! Like, why do you even need to do this practice stuff?

Harriet: I already told you! It's... It's because I'm not lady like.

Jaune: So? I think that's just part of your charm.

Harriet: W-What?

Jaune: When you push it and get all nervous, that's not really you, is it?

Jaune: To be honest, I like you just the way you are because it's who you are.

Harriet: J-Jaune...

Jaune: And besides, isn't falling in love supposed to be fun? If it isn't fun, is it really the same? I mean, I can't say I've really fallen in love before, so what do I know?

Harriet: Actually... I think you know a lot more than you let on. Thanks.

Harriet: You're right. I'm not going to push it! I'll just have to wait for the right person! Maybe Spruce Willow!

Jaune: (Thinking) That's a... pretty specific taste. Might be waiting a while.

Harriet: Anyways, thanks again, Jaune. Feels like a hundred pounds off my chest. And I kinda had fun practicing with ya! We gotta do it again some time!

Jaune: Uh, I think that's enough practice for me.

Harriet: W-Well... What if we didn't practice?

Jaune: Huh?!

Harriet: KIDDING! I'm just yankin yer chain!

Harriet: But, uh, what is your type, anyways?

[noosayog]

[Liar Liar] you can lie about anything in your life. except for your boyfriend ft. Miya Osamu

wc: 800

warnings/content: silly reader, fluff i guess?

noos's notes: thinking abt writing a version of this for Iwa but reader says "my boyfriend is a trainer for olympians." and acquaintance shuts the fuck up

“Stop shaking yer leg, annoyin’” Osamu says.

You shoot him a glare, but your leg continues to bob, a habit when you're anxious. You’re about to shoot a nasty comment back, but it’s then that your lunch plans arrive.

Your acquaintance from high school; you’ve always been competitive but something about her brings out the petty in you. When she had reached out to catch up, your boyfriend asked if he could come along to meet your friend. You agreed.

It’s been almost 10 years out of high school, but you feel the irrational urge to show that you’re successful and happy with your life.

When she shows up, her tall, rich-looking boyfriend by her side, you’re glad you brought Osamu along.

“So how have you been?” she asks when she settles into the seat across from you.

The boys introduce themselves and four of you play catch up.

“What have you been up to? My boyfriend and I love to hit the gym after work together. You know, to stay fit!” she punctuates the sentence with a giggle and coy look at her boyfriend.

You pinch your face, “Yeah, I wake up at 5 everyday to go to the gym, too! I love to go… lift!”

You get up exactly at 8:54 am everyday because that’s the absolute latest you can afford to get up to start your 9AM work-from-home job.

You feel Osamu’s eyes bore into you from your left. His hands come over your shaking thigh in a warning squeeze.

And so lunch goes much the same way. She pulls, you push.

“I do so much great work at my job working with children and such!” she says.

“Yeah, totally get the whole making a difference thing. My role really supports the success of my company!”

You work in accounting at a regular corporation.

“I love to volunteer at the senior home on the weekend. All the people there are so lonely but sweet!”

“Totally, I go to the soup kitchen every Saturday to serve… soup.”

You sleep in on the weekends while Osamu cleans the house.

“I recently joined a book club and we’ve recently read The Feminine Mystique. It was so rewarding to be with like-minded girl bosses!”

“That’s soo inspirational of you! I’ve recently read The… Communist Manifesto. You know, the failure of free markets and all that.”

You watch the Great British Bake Off in bed every night.

You glance over to see Osamu practically shaking in laughter. He has his mug up to his face to hide the guffaws and you want to smack him in the head.

“That’s amazing! Well enough about us, what about your boyfriend? Mine works in investment banking. He’s such a hard worker. One of a kind, babe” she says, resting a french-manicured hand on her boyfriend’s bicep.

“Osamu-”

You pause, not sure how to go about this. There’s a lot of silence as you close your mouth and look down.

“I own a restaurant,” Osamu finally answers for you.

Osamu’s hand has left your thigh and he was no longer laughing. He didn’t sound very happy either. You wrap up your lunch, Osamu mostly sitting in silence for the remainder of the meal. You say your goodbyes before long and you and Osamu make your way home to your shared apartment.

At home, Osamu is uncharacteristically pouty for the rest of the day.

“What’s with the attitude?” you prod. He’s probably just hungry or something.

“Oh, attitude,” he mocks. “Is that why ya had nothing good to say about me at lunch? Because I’m embarrassing to yer perfect life ya want people to think ya have?”

You flinch a little. In truth, you had been feeling a little guilty about that.

“‘Samuuu,” you whine.

You sidle up to your boyfriend, who leans away from you. He’s putting on a dramatic pout, but you can tell he's hurt.

“‘Samu,” you cup his puffed cheeks in your hands. “I didn't wanna say anything about you because I was lying about everything else and I didn't want you to think the stuff I say about you is a lie. I wanted to say that you’re my buff, hot, cooking, Onigiri man. You have your own successful business, you're kind and thoughtful, and you have the hottest dad bod ever.”

Osamu scoffs, “lying. Understatement.” But you can see the corner of his lips upturning. One more push.

“And I love youuuuu,” you pinch his cheeks.

Osamu lifts you by the thighs and you wrap your legs and arms around him. “Well you better tell yer friend all that stuff ya just said about me next time. Don’t want her thinking her investment banking boyfriend has a one-up on me.”

“Hell no, I’m never seeing her again.”

[bewitchedleague]

“Not at Home” Ch. 5

pairing: tsu’tey x reader

words: 8k (ops..)

summary: After being raised in the Metkayina, you're suddenly placed in the middle of peace talks. Where your responsibility is to understand the Omaticaya way, to embrace the culture, and to make friends. It surprises you to find yourself suddenly involved in things like love, war, and suffering. Will you succeed and adjust? Or will your tale end differently than you had anticipated?

Chapter 6.

slow burn romance.

     You eased yourself into sleep promptly, and morning arrived quickly and effectively. It wasn't hard because you were worn out and mentally exhausted after a long day, and the night flew by in an instant. You laid in your bed, content and glad to finally be able to enjoy some peace, and yet you couldn't even recall when you did fall asleep. 

When you finally awoke, you felt incredibly rested. You thought you could complete the entire training session from yesterday three more times. The hometree had taken on an almost comforting aspect; it was a place you knew would offer you safety and warmth at the end of the day. Even if yesterday at the hometree Sylwanin shared with you one of her worst sorrows, a sorrow that was deeply entrenched like the tree they called home. It made you feel a little better since it proved that she trusted you enough to express her sentiments to you. You've now heard all sides of the tumultuous love story.

Two na’vi: one who advocated for it vehemently and one who fought against it.

Both sides were easy to grasp, yet you couldn't help but feel more in tune with Tsu'tey. It was hard to imagine yourself living his life after hearing his narrative first and knowing the expectations he had when he was a small child, so you were more empathetic with him. A part of you questioned whether you needed to establish any guidelines for acting like a chief's daughter, some sort of credo you had to adhere to at all costs.

All you could see when you turned around was the na'vis getting out of bed and enthusiastically descending the spiral root. None of Neytiri, Sylwanin, or Tsu'tey could be seen. It was unusual to not see a familiar face right where you woke up, because now, you had no idea where you were meant to go or what you were meant to do. You stepped out of the cocoon bed and stretched your limbs to give your body a break from sleeping all night. You had grown to adore it since the plant, in addition to being cozy, it was also a lot of fun to interact with. That's what you thought it was, at least – a plant.

“Good morning.” A feminine voice came from your side, startling you slightly. 

They left before you had a chance to respond. Realizing it was the first time an Omatikaya na'vi had spoken to you of their own volition immediately caused a smile to spread across your features. Even if it happened too quickly and you couldn't even see their faces, it made you feel good anyway. They would most likely be here tomorrow as well if they were here to greet you this morning. And if you listened closely enough, you might be able to hear their voice again.

Nevertheless, the simple words made you feel warm inside; the sense of being accepted by someone else somehow gave you self-assurance. You walked down to the hometree's main area with your newly gained confidence. Eyes scanning the others around you to see what they were up to, each of them seemingly busy in finding what they were meant to do. You still weren't sure exactly what your part in all of this was; some were assigned chores to patrol, some were given tasks to hunt. None of the na'vi who were meant to look after you had been seen by you. Even if you had the confidence, you couldn't help but feel disoriented. 

“What worries you, my child?” Mo’at asked, approaching you slowly.

You simply smiled at her, an attempt to comfort her worries. “I haven’t seen Neytiri or Sylwanin yet.” 

She seemed to think for a second, before she was speaking once again. “I am sorry for my daughters, it seems I have failed in teaching them basic courtesy.” 

Her statements had a faint edge to them, suggesting that she harbored some bitterness. And it was only confirmed to be true by the way her ears dipped a little when she spoke. You suddenly felt small, afraid of getting her daughters in trouble because you simply couldn’t be by yourself. What if you had just utterly failed their training, which consisted of being left alone? You gave it some thought. You twisted your head to the side, feeling a twinge of embarrassment, as if you had just fled from people your own age to beg for your mother's protection.

“I’m sure they are by the training grounds.” In an effort to calm Mo'at down, you raised your head and smiled softly at her.

“I hope so, for their own good.” Mo’at said, then turned to you and offered a gentle smile – contrary to her scary words. “Off you go.” 

The touch of her hand pushing you on the back made you move forward instinctively, your tail hitting her gently on the way. You nodded at her words, and took off to the path you remembered in your head now. Where the pa’lis resided, and where the young warriors were trained – surely you would find Tsu’tey there at least. And it wasn’t like anyone besides him was actually training you, so not finding them didn’t worry you that much. What worried you was the possibility of Tsu’tey also being gone. But again, you thought the situation was unlikely since he held a lot of expectations on his back.

After moving towards the clearing, you briefly peered over there before spotting Tsu'tey. Seeing him in his normal place brought a grin to your face. Your arm was suddenly grasped, jerking your entire body in the direction of the unknown force. Your eyes first encountered a haze of blue. The na'vi clutching your arm, however, propelled you into a sprint before you could even adjust from the blowback of being pulled with such power. Your body was screaming "danger" and your heart was pounding with panic, but you were more concerned with staying upright than trying to get away from the stranger. 

Once you stopped, you were slightly out of breath and the forest around you was thick and unrecognizable. Your eyes finally landed on the perpetrator of all this, the familiar face of Neytiri coming into view made your shoulder slightly relax a little.

“By Ewya…” You breathed out. “I didn’t know it was you.”

“Did he see you?” 

“What? Who?” – confusion struck you.

“Tsu’tey.” 

“No.” – You answered firmly, yet still completely confused by her behavior.

Neytiri twitched her ear, listening carefully all around her for any alarming sounds. You became a little uneasy about what she was doing when you suddenly realized that her actions were reminiscent of when she originally tried to sneak away to the sky people.

“I’m taking you to see the sky people.” 

She spoke the dreaded words, sending a shock of apprehension through you. Your mouth was unable to utter anything as you made every effort to come up with an argument against her suggestion. To meet them, you weren't prepared. You were aware of the obvious fact. If something went wrong, you had no idea what perils the woodland may hold, what the night might bring in terms of threats, or even worse, what might happen if those dangers discovered you. There was a wide range of potential problems.

Neytiri swiftly grabbed your arm again, to lead you in the direction she knew the sky people were. 

“No!” – You broke free from her grasp, falling back into the grass with a thud.

At the unexpected outburst, her eyes penetrated yours with intrigue. Neytiri had never before heard your voice lose control. She scowled at you while attempting to comprehend your worries. She knew exactly why you were scared, but the knowledge that she had repeatedly gone there and returned safely must have given you some sense of security, right? Neytiri was a formidable opponent who would protect you if the unlikely event of something occurring did occur. Did you have any faith in her ability or words?

“You are Tawukoi’s only daughter. Are you really afraid of the sky people?” – In an effort to inspire some sort of boldness in you, Neytiri made the decision to challenge you.

You wanted to say, "I'm not Tawukoi's daughter," but a small scoff came out of your mouth instead.

“Who isn’t?” 

“Me.” Neytiri spoke confidently, her shoulders held high and her chest puffing out, obviously proud of that fact.

“I’m not you.” You said simply, almost hissing at her. 

“That’s why you’re here. To learn to be like us, to be like me.” Neytiri approached you, offering you her hand to help you up to your feet. “Are you not?”

It was true. That’s what you were here for. There was no challenging her words. But even so, the fear you felt was still there – unchanging. But a part of you still knew that she wouldn’t let anything happen to you, not when the whole Omatikaya people thought you were Tawukoi’s daughter – his only daughter. They wouldn’t simply let you get hurt, not when it could lead to both clans relationship’s to worsen extremely so. And you were sure Neytiri knew of the consequences if you were hurt. 

“Fine.” – It was a simple agreement, laced with an underlying anger to it.

By extending your hand to her, you allowed her to help you stand up again. You were troubled by the question: Did she already mention the sky people about you? That you came from somewhere else from Pandora? Neytiri was tugging you along with her once more, so you didn't have time to dwell in your thoughts. This time, you were better prepared and easily kept up with her pace while bumping into leaves and other objects along the route. You took some time to take in your surroundings, hear the sounds of the creatures, and watch them flee as you and Neytiri drew near. The more you hurried following Neytiri, hopping over boulders and branches, the thicker the forest became. A silent signal of the unknown land around you.

Fear was gradually being replaced with nervousness and a want to see what was in store for you. You had never even heard of the appearance of the sky people, so you had no idea what they may have looked like. They rode enormous weaponry, so perhaps—were they taller than your own species—was all you had to conceive. Your dread is being slowly consumed by your curiosity. To seek information for you was contagious; it was like a fatal disease that infected your thoughts. You became fearless and reckless as a result, frightening those around you as well as, occasionally, even yourself.

An unknown sound suddenly filled your ears, it sounded like the beginning of a thunder strike, followed by the feeling of the earth shaking. Neytiri stopped running, quickly going into a prowl position and pulling you to the ground to do the same. Her eyes stared ahead of you, through the bushes – and you eagerly did the same. 

The sight that welcomed you was alarming. Giant machines, gray colored – running down the beautiful trees of the forest. Leaving nothing but the ashes of a beautiful memory. You turned your eyes to Neytiri, who was still watching the scene with a look of pain in her face. There were numerous things you could feel from only seeing her face, the pain, the anger and the suffering. You didn’t blame her, she was seeing her home – a place sacred for her people, sacred to Ewya – be destroyed so easily, without any type of remorse. It made you sympathize with her, because you could imagine this happening to your Metkayina, to your little haven. 

“Neytiri.” – You reached your hand to place it on her shoulder, trying to break her away from the scene.

But it didn’t work. Neytiri’s eyes were locked on the scene before her, all the pain they were giving to Ewya. She could only sympathize with the creatures before her eyes, trying to flee for their lives away deeper into the forest – some making it, while others unfortunately getting caught by the cruel machine. A hiss was building up in her throat, wanting to fight for them – fight for her home and her people. But she knew she couldn’t, she had to be smart about this. The only way to win whatever war was this, was to befriend the enemy, to lower their guards, to strike them where it most hurt. Or, the more unlikely outcome, they could change their ways and leave Pandora alone.

But the chances of that happening were slim, even to Neytiri’s eyes. 

“Neytiri!” 

The loud noise made her snap out of her daze, quickly looking over to catch your eyes looking at her with worry. She mentally cursed herself, ears flattening in self anger as she stood from her prowl position – taking quick steps to the direction she knew the scientist’s meet up spot stayed at. While doing so, her focus was in ignoring the commotion happening on her side, the sounds of breaking wood and the machines noises. Neytiri wanted to cry, to scream. But she knew she had a reputation to withhold, even more with you around her. 

Neytiri only had one duty to accomplish, and she was determined to succeed. For the benefit of her own people as well as herself. This included instructing you and allowing you to learn everything you could about the Omatikaya and the sky people. So you could play your own role, to be a bearer of the news to the other tribes in the ocean. If anything went wrong – the Metkayina knew what to expect. But Neytiri wasn’t going to let that ‘if’ become a reality, not when she was around to prevent that.

“Stay by my side, do as I say.” – Neytiri spoke with certainty, no space for any type of compromise.

She didn’t even turn around to look at you, barely looking over her shoulder while saying the words.

“Yes, of course.” You said meekly, feeling slightly intimidated by her presence.

Since you initially met, you hadn't seen Neytiri in this light. Now standing in front of you is a demeaning and powerful individual who comes out as brutal and unafraid. It wasn’t like the usual Neytiri, the one who kindly took care of you in the flight to the hometree, the one who helped you get courage to your first steps on top of a tree. No. Neytiri, the chief's daughter, was here. One of the two na'vi who stood in for the entire Pandora to the sky people; this one couldn't afford to slip up and ruin their productive relationship. You were aware of the significance of these interactions even in the absence of Neytiri's words or any other explanation.

Once you stepped out of the bushes, you saw them. Short, dull-colored, wearing strange clothing and holding what you remembered as, death raining machines, in their hands. Neytiri spoke to them in a language unknown to you, and while she did that, you took in their appearances – focusing on the details. They were a simple, almost shorter version of your body, but seemed less slim. They didn’t have any pointed ears, nor a tail. And their hands had an extra finger on them, you pondered if they needed an extra finger to control the machines everyone feared. 

The moment your gaze connected with the sky person chatting to Neytiri, she immediately ceased speaking. After frowning, she moved toward you, passing Neytiri, her expression showing the undeniable look of curiosity.

“This is scientist Grace.” Neytiri spoke in the language you knew by heart.

Grace, the sky being, circled you while paying attention to every detail that set you apart from Neytiri. You didn't even turn to look at her, but hissed once as she touched your tail as a warning. She didn't touch you again after the silent warning, so it appeared to be effective. The last thing you needed was them swarming all over you because this was already nerve-wracking enough. You pleaded in silence as you met Neytiri's eyes; you didn't want Grace to be close by or paying close attention to you in particular.

Neytiri's eyes averted as Grace spoke, her tone beginning serious and then shifting to one of humor. For a brief while, they flickered similarly to her ears, as if Grace had just said something unexpected or that she didn't want her to say. A silent hiss directed towards the individual standing next to you only served to increase your anxieties as she refused to make eye contact with you following the words. Whatever was spoken was undoubtedly about you, which frightened Neytiri to the point where she felt remorseful looking into your eyes. 

“What did she say?” You spoke out, trying to ease your fears with a simple answer.

A few seconds passed in silence.

“You’re a different type of blue, are you important, or somethin’?”

The unknown voice met your ears, and your eyes swiftly shifted to Grace. A smile on her face that soon turned into a smirk as she stared at your shocked expression. Her way of speaking was rusty, like she had just learned the language, but you could still understand her quite well. 

“But I suppose the hostility does answer my question.” Grace looked at Neytiri’s agitated body language.

“Leave her.” – Neytiri spoke harshly, moving to your side to pull you away from the smaller individual.

How could she be so dumb, she thought to herself. It wasn't surprising that they would be interested in your distinctions. However, Neytiri was only able to sense a protective feeling for you. She knew Grace would be interested in you, but she wasn't quite ready to allow the scientist to get too close to you. Suddenly, she felt bad about her choice to bring you along with her. Neytiri had permitted scientist Grace to examine her, touch her skin, take her hair, and sample her saliva, but she wasn't about to permit her to subject you to the same treatment.

Sincerely to say, Neytiri was well aware of the urgent need for those details among the sky people. Grace had given her a thorough account of everything, being nice enough to inform Neytiri that they were trying to reproduce their species in an effort to connect with Ewya. Neytiri and everyone else who was aware of this found it difficult to believe that was their sole motivation. Whatever their strategy, it probably involved disguising themselves as inhabitants of Pandora in order to deceive her people into thinking that stranded Na'vi existed in the forest. However, she made the decision to act foolish and do her part to make herself look like a dumb dog to them, as if she were unaware of the dangers and opportunities presented by their possessing a na'vi body.

But something she was unwilling to give, was putting you and your people at risk. They knew nothing of the sky people, nor did the sky people know about your people – and Neytiri wished to keep it that way.

“Touchy subject.” As she nervously laughed, Grace turned away from you.

The scientist's eyes pierced the troops who were standing behind Neytiri, and she observed as their grips on their weapons tightened in response to Neytiri's abrupt voice shift. Their rifles were lowered into a more relaxed position as they each stared at each other. Grace was aware of the influence she possessed within the corps, and she meant to make the most of it. While she tried to win their favor, no Na'vi were to be hurt. She knew she had a mission, one she heard about daily – being repeated towards her by Coronel Miles over and over, like a broken record. Just at the thought of his protracted conversations and his not entirely empty threats against not only her but also the entire scientific team did she utter a tired sigh. She could really go for a cigarette now.

Did that man know nothing besides violence and impatience? 

Impatience. 

Right, she was here for a reason.

“Neytiri, I only need one thing from you today, quite simple.” Grace said, while approaching the na’vi.

Neytiri, in response, lowered herself into one of her knees. 

“I need to get a video of your queue.” – Grace spoke, reaching for her recording device at her hip.

While Neytiri rapidly carried out the order, you could only truly focus on the gadget Grace was holding in her hands as you merely gawked at the situation with a hint of fascination. No matter how hard you tried to figure out how it was doing it—mirroring whatever was in front of it—you could not in any way comprehend it. However, what caught your attention the most was the reflection of your image on the device's screen when she raised the device just above her shoulder. It vanished like lightning as soon as you noticed it. How could you have seen yourself on the device if it was pointing forward? You frowned in disbelief at whatever had just occurred. The confusion hits you like furious waves in a storm.

They started speaking in their alien tongue once more, leaving you alone with your perplexed thoughts. Grace bid Neytiri farewell in a courteous manner, and Neytiri simply nodded her head in her direction while gazing down with an emotion you couldn't possibly fathom. It was a mixture of wrath and worry. Maybe some resentment of some kind? You heard a huge noise coming from the clouds, and as you turned to look, you noticed another machine, gray in color, just like the other sky people's equipment, falling down from the sky slowly – as if floating in the air. You used your arm to keep the brisk breeze from stinging your eyes as it blew violently in your direction.

Once the noise was gone, you finally moved your arm, looking up at the sky to see the gray colors slowly fading away. Where were they headed? What where those machines named?

“Bringing her was a stupid idea!” – A sudden hiss made you jump slightly, staring at Sylwanin angrily jump out of a branch she was hiding at.

A scoff escaped Neytiri, staring at her sister in what you assumed to be disbelief at her words.

“This idea was yours to begin with.”

“It was. But I didn’t actually bring her!” Sylwanin retorted, approaching both of you.

She was agitated, you could see that. Fearful and anxious about the encounter that just unfolded. 

Sylwanin briefly looked into your eyes before she resumed ignoring you. It was only a matter of time before the sky people's interest only intensified once they had seen you, and soon they were demanding to see you in exchange for peace. The whole school discussion was more of a demand, one that she was ready to comply with out of fear of the consequences of defying them on her own. She had a part of her that was scared for you as well. She was sickened by the thought that the sky people may regard you as a unique na'vi to the Omatikaya and that, with you, they would have control over the entire clan. It wasn't entirely untrue; you were significant to the Omatikaya as of right now, but not for the reasons that they would believe.

“It is already done.” Neytiri hissed towards her sister, ears flattening in annoyance.

“Did you even tell Grace about the school?” – Sylwaning breathed out annoyed, both of their emotions surfacing.

The deadly glare Sylwanin received from Neytiri gave her the answer, she had not told them. 

“I saw myself on the device she was holding, what does it mean?” – You decided to speak your words clearly, making sure they understood what you were talking about.

“What?!” – It was Neytiri who hissed out, approaching and grabbing your arm rather harshly at your words.

You let out a short cry of pain, and she immediately released her hold on you. She muttered a brief apology before looking around her, apparently distracted by her own thoughts. Whatever you said had both sisters respond negatively, as they appeared to be terrified of your words - almost as if they were trying to ignore your comment but simply couldn't.

It was Sylwanin that approached you this time, a soft touch on your skin that almost made shivers run down your skin.

“Are you sure?” – She whispered out, part of her hoping for you to be mistaken.

“Yes.”

Your remarks caused Sylwanin to exhale heavily in defeat, as if she had just received devastating news. Her arms hung aimlessly next to her torso, removing all of her touch from you. She appeared bewildered and terrified, which just heightened your uneasiness. You questioned yourself if this meant that the sky people had identified you as a danger, a barrier to their intended objective that needed to be removed. Fear sent shivers down your spine, and you felt a pang of homesickness as you missed your friend's reassuring touches – a reassuring embrace, encouraging words, and sympathetic looks.

Things that, in the Omatikaya, you knew no one would offer to you. Simply put, you weren't that close to any of them, and right now, you needed those delicate interactions the most.

To be comforted, to be understood.

What a shame.

You were nothing but an outsider, a nuisance – even, to some.

“Let’s go back, I’ll think about this.” As she spoke to Neytiri, Sylwanin gave her sister a consoling pat on the shoulder and a sympathetic look.

The exchange in front of you only made you feel more alone. It was almost a punch to your face when they started walking, brushing past you – only Neytiri giving you a glance to make sure you were following behind them. Tears threatened to fall out of your eyes as you made your way back to the hometree, the stress finally catching up to you. You missed home, missed not being under non-stop stress. 

Neytiri missed it as well. She was constantly second-guessing her choices due to the stress the sky people had caused her. Her home almost seemed like it wasn't hers because of the constant tension. And just now, the only thing on her thoughts was regret for including you in this. Neytiri wasn’t stupid, she could see it. She only needed to look into your eyes to understand the pain she had accidentally caused you. To be fair to her, she believed that going through this would make you stronger and a more respected member of the Metkayina. She didn't anticipate that she would feel fear for you. However, Neytiri couldn't afford to be sentimental in front of the daughters of other clans.

If she said that she had no sense of rivalry for you, she would be lying. It made perfect sense. You were graceful, patient, and proud of your land when she first saw you in the sea. Neytiri could only hope that you would feel the same way about her—that she was confident and courageous. Born to be a people's warrior. 

Sylwanin, on the other hand, felt stress not only for herself – but for her younger sister as well. They didn’t have much of an age gap, but she still saw Neytiri as a baby. She had to be scared for her, to look out for her in case any mishaps happened. When she first saw you there with Neytiri, talking to the sky people, she could only feel dread washing over her. She hadn't even attempted to show herself, ready to aim at the troops with her arrows if Grace tried anything out of the ordinary. 

No one could trust the sky people, not even Sylwanin herself. She only had to portray the part of seeming to trust them, to give the people of the Omatikaya some type of empty comfort. But that’s all that it was, empty words. Sylwanin was constantly trying to find a middle ground with the sky people, a way to keep both parties happy without any form of conflict. It was a hard task, something she didn’t know if she was doing right or wrong since there was no real answer to her question. 

There was a lot of stillness on the journey back to the hometree, and the atmosphere was tense since you were deep in concentration. The siblings were as well. You were all unaware of the sun lowering and gradually vanishing into the night. You ate dinner at this time, but you were still quite a distance from the hometree. The route home seemed to take longer than the one to the meeting place. However, it's also possible that it's all the worry about arriving late at home since you know they'll find out they took you to the sky people. A part of you anticipates that the entire family will be at odds with one another, with the chiefs accusing their daughters of being careless and irresponsible.

A sigh escapes you as the hometree comes into view, ready for whatever was coming. 

When you had first woken up today, you had felt confident, fearless, even. But now that almost seemed like ages ago, a distant memory that proved you to always be on your toes around the Omatikaya.

It didn’t take long for the first glimpse of hostility to make its way to Eytukan’s face. As soon as he saw you enter with his two daughters, he was well aware of where you three had disappeared to. Mo’at could only curse her daughters for their stupidity in her mind, they had won their father’s blessing to try and arrange some sort of peace with the sky people – and they had brought you along. It wasn’t just irresponsible, it was beyond understanding. 

Only Mo’at knew what would happen once Eytukan started speaking his thoughts.

“You two, with me.” Eytukan spoke towards his daughters, casting a small glance your way.

And you were left alone once again, in the circle where everyone was peacefully eating – blissfully unaware of the events that bittered your day. A deep sigh escaped past your lips, leaving your chest feeling a sense of emptiness at the end of it. You had no appetite, the smells and look of the food displayed in front of you did nothing to change that. 

From afar, Tsu’tey stared at you with a frown on his face. Even he could see how exhausted you were from all of this by simply your back. With a small huff of air, he started moving towards you – brushing past his fellow warriors, ignoring their calls of curiosity. Once he was close to you, he gently rested his hand on your shoulder, your eyes turning to look at him with surprise. 

“Let us sit.” – He spoke gently. 

The two of you did as he spoke, his hand still not leaving your shoulder. And to be quite frank, you were grateful for the touch. Even if it was a small one, it was exactly what you needed right now. Tsu’tey himself could tell that, by the way he could psychically feel your body relax under his touch, see with his own eyes as your back relaxed into a more comfortable sitting position. His eyes scanned your body quickly, in search of any injuries or scrapes he should be aware of. But thankfully, nothing.

“Are you okay?” 

And something inside you seemed to snap at those words, as silent tears started to fall from your eyes. Tsu’tey could only look in surprise, moving closer to your body so your bodies were touching while you sat next to him. One of his arms wrapped around you, bringing you closer to him – his chin resting on top of your head. The sudden hug made you only let out your sobs, quietly not to disturb anyone else around you – but loud enough for Tsu’tey himself to hear. It was an intimate moment, something you swore no one would give to you – and that realization only made more tears fall from your eyes.

You wanted to say sorry, embrace him back, and shoo him away all at the same time. You wanted to present a tough front so that people would see you as the admirable daughter of the clan chief you were assigned to portray. Neytiri didn't cry when she witnessed her own land being destroyed and taken by people she was helpless to stop, yet here you were crying out of stress and loneliness while surrounded by the Na'vi you were supposed to call home. In the arms of a friend you had just barely made.

“It’s okay.” – Tsu’tey tried comforting you awkwardly.

He wasn’t good with words, but he tried his best to give you some type of comfort. He knew crying was a big deal, that you were probably self-conscious of doing it. But Tsu’tey didn’t want you to end up like him, restraining all your emotions. He tried his best to ignore the wandering judging eyes towards the both of you, but they did make him feel self-conscious – afraid of appearing soft in front of the clan.

With one hand remaining on your shoulder, he then started to back away. You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes and put on a brave front once more after the sudden loss of contact. It didn't help that you could actually feel the eyes on you and hear distinct whispering among the clan at the recently concluded display.

Mo'at did nothing but stare at the situation in front of her, both feeling appreciative of Tsu'tey and proud of him. Despite the fact that she thought Tsu'tey's display of affection was a little strange, she was well aware of its meaning. He recognized himself in you and felt a sense of solidarity with you. Mo’at always knew Tsu’tey carried the world on his shoulder, but she never knew how to approach the subject nor how to voice out her worries to Eytukan or her own daughter, Sylwanin.

She could definitely sense Tsu'tey's resentment for them. It wasn’t visible, nor did he act upon it, but she could tell from the way his shoulders tensed whenever they were around. She could tell that whenever Sylwanin was there, he tried to keep a space between them by purposefully ignoring her. Mo'at regretted granting her daughter's wishes for her to mate with Tsu'tey and letting her do as she pleased. It wasn't that she didn't like him; rather, it was only that it made him feel more stressed. She assumed Tsu'tey must have had a similar feeling when Sylwanin initially enquired about the topic, which is why she was so determined to give Sylwanin her blessings.

But the more the days went by and she saw the dynamic, the more she blamed herself for allowing it to occur. What was left to be done? The only thing left to do was introduce themselves to Ewya as a couple as their relationship had already been made known to the clan.

With the manner Tsu'tey sealed his heart, something was undoubtedly unlikely to occur.

“I’m sorry, thank you.” – You said quickly, a small smile grazing your features at his compassion.

Tsu’tey only gave a nod your way, his mind elsewhere now that you seemed to have calmed down slightly from the stress. His insides burned with anger, a bitterness that has been growing for quite a while – ever since Sylwanin announced their commitment to each other. He blamed Sylwanin for this. She opened up to him, always, in hopes he would do the same, but he never had ever told her what went through his head. The only thing he made sure she knew about him was his complete unhappiness by being by her side. 

So he decided to take action. Standing up and moving away from your side, he followed where Eytukan and his daughters had disappeared to – the quiet place they often held their more serious meetings, away from prying eyes. Tsu’tey didn’t pay mind to the warning glance he received from Mo’at as he brushed past her, a scowl persistent on his face already at the mere thought of Sylwanin. He didn’t care he could hear Eytukan’s voice already scolding both of them, he, as the future Olo’eyktan, had to also give his piece of mind on the matter. He had always done so for past meetings and mishaps, this wasn’t about to be different.

“Tsu’tey.” Eytukan voiced out, acknowledging his presence in the room with a quick glance his way.

Sylwanin visibly tensed at the mere mention of his name, knowing what was already in store for her. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone how much Tsu’tey distrusted the sky people, Sylwanin even wondered if he deliberately hated the sky people because he disliked her – hating not only her but whatever cause she stood for.

“You took Tawukoi’s only daughter to the sky people?” – Tsu’tey hissed out, eyes shifting between Sylwanin and Neytiri. “Have you lost your mind?!”

Neytiri’s and Sylwanin ears flattened, as they casted a shameful glance towards the ground at his words. 

“We – “ Sylwanin tried to speak, but was quickly cut out by Tsu’tey.

“We what? Didn’t think about what could go wrong? Didn’t think the sky people could harm her because she was different?” – Tsu’tey went on.

Eytukan was standing by his side as he observed the situation; he was now immediately in front of them. Since he recognized that his daughters had disgraced the clan with their decision today, the current chief leader had no intention of stepping in to stop Tsu'tey from reprimanding them. Not only did they put too much trust in the enemy, but they also showed them an important person to the Omatikaya. They needed to hear this, they needed to feel the consequences of their actions – to really understand how much of a mistake it was.

“Didn’t think about our sister's feelings?” – Finally, Tsu'tey growled, his hand pointing in the general direction of your location.

Eytukan caught a glimpse of Tsu'tey out of the corner of his eye, noting the younger na'vi's restless posture. A feeling of content washed inside of him, a sense of pride giving him confidence that he had picked the right one to lead the Omatikaya one day. Tsu'tey was concerned not only for your physical wellbeing but also for your feelings. And Eytukan could think of nothing else he wanted from him.

Even if he didn't love his daughter, Tsu'tey was a wonderful na’vi in Eytukan's eyes.

“Feelings?” – Sylwanin scoffed, eyes still straining to the ground.

Then, in a quick shift of emotions, her feelings of shame were soon transformed into a blinding rage. She fearlessly looked into Tsu'tey's gaze, tears stinging at the corners of her eyelids. Even though it was the first time he had ever seen Sylwanin this upset, he hadn't even flinched at the sight of her tears; there was simply no sign of sympathy on his features.

“Because you care so much about other people’s feelings, right?” She breathed out, a mocking smile making its way to her face.

Sylwanin felt her sister's hands softly contact hers in an effort to soothe her down in a peaceful and meek manner, but she instantly slapped the touch away without even giving Neytiri a second thought. In a last-ditch effort to get Tsu'tey's attention, the resentment she had been harboring for his ongoing disregard for her emerged.

Tsu’tey felt nothing at her words, even though he knew they were meant to hurt him.

He was desired, but never loved. 

If she genuinely loved him as much as she claimed to, she would never have taken away the one freedom he had ever known.

“And you?” Tsu’tey asked her back, with the same venomous tone she had used. “Cared a lot about my feelings when you forced me into a loveless relationship, didn’t you?”

As soon as he finished his words, a hiss escaped her throat. Sylwanin felt attacked, but mostly, betrayed due to his actions. 

“I’ve only ever thought about what was best for you!” – She said.

“And how do you know what’s best for me?” 

The lovers stared at each other with what could only be described as hatred. The other two in the room awkwardly shifted in their places, tense to move but feeling ashamed of walking away from the fight now. Sylwanin scoffed at him, taking in all the words he had just said to her. 

“Also ‘sister’? It’s astonishing how you seem to care more about an outsider than your own mate!” – Sylwanin hissed out.

Tsu'tey regarded her from above, a scoff of amusement escaping his lips as a look of bewilderment crept across his features. Sylwanin seemed to be purposefully oblivious to what he had just said to her. She either had no way of understanding him or had shamelessly chosen to ignore the harsh truth of his disregard for her.

“Sylwanin. Watch your words about Tawukoi’s daughter.” – It was Eytukan who hissed out, finally stepping in to try and ease the situation. 

“Yes, our sister.” – Tsu’tey emphasized the word, his gaze never wavering from Sylwanin’s. “Has done nothing but treat me kindly, opposite from you.” 

Another hiss came from Sylwanin, but this time it was weaker – with no apparent strength behind it to fight against Tsu’tey anymore. 

It was bitter. 

All the love and effort she had invested in attempting to win Tsu'tey over to her seemed to have been in vain and had been a dismal endeavor. Sylwanin blamed him, how could her clear attempts be despised? When she first saw Tsu'tey and fell in love with him, she knew he needed a break. A refuge, someone who would support him whenever he needed it without passing judgment on him—while still honoring him as the legendary warrior of the Omatikaya. All she had ever done was for him, and she wanted to be that for him.

The peace attempts with the sky people were for him. 

Sylwanin knew that what brought him the most work was training the people for war. But if she somehow learned and led the people to peace, she could earn the rights to be by his side – to be seen as his woman. 

Unknown to her, Tsu’tey resented her views. 

He didn't need a break, nor did he require her to facilitate his work. He was prideful, and took great pleasure from accomplishing his own achievements – winning battles due to his leadership and bravery.

Tsu’tey never once said he wanted someone next to him, someone he could lean on. Even though he did want it – not in a single moon had he thought it would be a forced love. He was a simple man, he wished love would come naturally – wished to chase and win over his loved one’s heart with shows of leadership and admiration. But with Sylwanin, she hadn’t ever even asked him how he felt. The few emotional exchanges they had involved her being angry that he couldn't love her the way she did.

Maybe in another lifetime, in different settings, Tsu’tey would be in love with Sylwanin. 

Perhaps another story.

But not this one, Tsu’tey told himself bitterly.

“That’s enough.” Eytukan spoke out softly, feeling sorry for both parties. “Both of you.”

Neytiri awkwardly embraced her sister’s side, trying her best to comfort her in any way she could. She sent a glance towards Tsu’tey, silently telling him to leave. 

And he was more than happy to oblige. 

Eytukan's palm on the top of his chest quickly stopped him as his body twisted to go. As soon as they locked eyes, the touch was gone. A simple interaction that Tsu’tey knew the meaning behind – compassion. Tsu'tey gave Eytukan a slight nod before heading back to the hometree's main area. Now nearly empty, its occupants were making their way to their beds to peacefully wrap up the day. Blissfully oblivious to the ongoing conflicts in the chief's own family.

When you finally spotted him, his eyes were the first to catch your drowsy ones and yours appeared to sparkle with wakefulness. You quickly got up from where you were sitting and moved in his direction, meeting him halfway.

“Are you okay?” – You asked softly, voice low for only him to hear – even with no one around you.

Tsu’tey hesitantly nodded, choosing to not stress your mind further than it already was. You had endured so much already by simply living amongst the Omatikaya, away from your family and friends, only now to be shoved in the middle of the sky people. 

“You should go rest.” He rested his hand on your shoulder, his voice now gentle – coping the same tone as yours.

You were aware of the conflicts that had just taken place. Even if you hadn’t heard, or seen anything, it was evident by the tired look Tsu’teys eyes carried, the way his shoulders were tense when training had ended about hours ago. It was all a clear sign of the stress he had gone through, potentially another fight between him and Sylwanin. 

Your hands rested on top of his hand that was on your shoulder still, as you hesitated in saying your next words.

“I see you, brother.” – A simple breath.

You could tell Tsu'tey was surprised when you spoke those words by the way his gaze swept over your face in surprise. Even if you were genuinely nervous to utter them, he needed to know that he wasn't the only one going through this. That he would always have a friend or supporter by his side, and that you were one of them or at least willing to be. If he so wished for it. It was a little phrase with a profound significance. It's almost as if you're inviting him to be himself and to confide in you freely. 

A small tender smile made its way to Tsu’teys face, as once again, words failed him. 

Without wanting to make him uncomfortable, you were quick to pull your hands away – and Tsu’tey did the same, moving away the hand that was on your shoulder. He felt… thankful. It astonished him, never had he expected the first person to mumble those words to him to be from another clan. But he could only thank Ewya inside his head for giving him yet another peaceful moment with you. 

“Thank you.” – He breathed out gently, his head bowing slightly to you in respect before he could stop himself.

You were quick to do the same, trying your best to adjust to whatever custom the Omatikaya had. 

“You should get some sleep.” Tsu’tey said once again.

But this time, you were happier to do as he suggested. You knew that your effort to help him in relaxing had been successful when you noticed some tension releasing from his shoulders and fatigue catching up to him. Being able to help the Omatikaya in any way fills your heart with pride; after all, it was your mission to do so. And Tsu’tey was one of the most important people to the Omatikaya’s future.

With a quick smile and farewell, you were off – climbing the main root that now felt familiar to you. It nearly felt like a soothing analogy to finally going asleep—resting your tired body after a long day of stress.

Unbeknownst to you, a pair of envious eyes blazed in the hometree's gloom.

How could you do this?

tag: @dumb-fawkin-bitch @bothersome-anon-pt2 @vane28282 @sweet-lilacwine @worksforthedevil @missroro @troubledfilm @grievedeeply @collaps3r @seashelldom @gracefulbumblebee @fandomsfanman @da1syvr @aeri4life @summe-rliu @fanboyluvr @landlockedmermaid77 @missroro  @tainted-artist4161 @hatakekakaaashi @wokvc @avatarzim​  @arschbohrer   @archenillo @ ssc7514 

[etheries1015]

Not much of a Vil fan, but the story was so gosh darn cute! And sweet! That's the kind of stuff I love to read for two characters falling in love. No need for big, expesinve gestures, elaborate schemes or anything. Just something... natural. That still has a big impact on one of them. And let's be fair, if being called a hero; called beautiful and shown affection when he's at his worst won't make Vil fall for someone, what will?

His character was just perfectly captured. Really loved the story

They are referring to this fic I made, incase anybody reading this here is curious.

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT <3 it was very fun to write. I personally am not very into that... "perfect" couple type of thing. Despite being a romance/fanfic writer, I actually detest most romance novels. I want to see how messy these two characters are, how they can love each other at their worst, not how they marvel and fall in love because they see only the side of beauty and perfection. Falling in love at first sight just simply isn't a thing in my opinion, love takes time, and love takes effort, and pushing through the darkest of times. My favorite trope to write would have to be "falling in love with their flaws," because that's what makes a romantic relationship truly valuable.

which is why i'm more of a...fall in love with a person who sends you ugly selfies, than filtered ones that show only a part of themselves. its more authentic! If that makes sense, hehe. you know someone is interested with you in how they react to seeing you with messy hair, double chins and a close-up of your nose, y'know? heuheu.

I also feel like a lot of people really mischaracterize Vil. He's sensitive to other's thoughts and feelings, and he has a lot of emotions in his character, far beyond the "He wants everyone to be perfect and beautiful." He has said that beauty comes in forms more than physical. It comes in willpower to create a habit, it comes in both femininity and masculinity, and I feel like so many people can't see past his façade of being a "movie star." He just wants someone to see him for the intentions he really has <3 This is purely my opinion though, and I understand there will be others who do not share this view with me. That is okay! Agree to disagree, I suppose.

sorry, I went on a little tangent there. I'm so glad you liked it!!!

[appeypie]

OMG I love it?? MTT choosing to have top surgery scars?? Because he's still trans at the end of the day?? And wanted to show it?? So fuckinh cool you are doing my blorbo so much justice hnnng

Also loving how this implies he chose to have his feminine build despite being a transmasc?? Because he got to pick exactly what he wanted and did so without care for what's stereotypically masc or fem?? He told Alphys to give him thighs and waist but also make him 7 feet tall because he WANTED it and used to be a bedsheet ghost so DAMN the rules it's HIS body

Appie, your MTT may be my favorite version I've seen yet and I mean it sincerely you are objectively correct about everything you understand him you are a mad genius

SO GLAD IT RESONATES WITH YOU!!! <333

I just think it's so cool and so important to realize that trans bodies don't need to be changed in order to meet the "ideal" cis man look. you know what I mean? most cis men don't even fit it! cis men can have breasts or wide hips! feminine features! struggle to grow facial hair!!! etc!!! it doesn't make any of us less of a man.

on the flip side, lots of cis women have flat chests or deep voices or lots of body hair!!! and it doesn't make them less of a woman! humans are so wonderfully varied in our appearances!!!

I am also a trans man with a feminine build who would not change it. I think there's a lot of strength and happiness in accepting your body for what it is and loving it :) I still want top surgery down the road, but I still believe life is too short to just hate your body every second of the day

[our-transfeminine-experience]

im afab but identify with the trans feminine and/or the transfemmasc labels because of this strange disconnect i had towards femininity for most of my younger years. i feel as though im reconnecting and undoing years of misinformation about the feminine parts of me, and am finally feeling safe using more feminine terms without feeling scared and uncomfortable because of past trauma.

i'm glad you're able to reconnect with your feminine side! from an amab transfem, i'm happy you've found a label that fits, even if your experience differs from others who use the label.

trauma really does mess with your ability to embrace certain aspects of yourself. i wanted to validate this because i've also experienced trauma surrounding certain aspects of my identity, and found it difficult to reconnect with them.

when people discourse about who is "allowed" to call themselves transfem they always seem to forget that everyone has unique lived experiences that have led them into the identity they hold today. your assigned sex is just one aspect of your lived experiences, and there are so many other things that can lead someone into feeling disconnected from femininity and desiring to transition into it.

in short, you are valid and loved anon <3

[lady-corrine]

Hello!

I just wanna say I love seeing all your love posts to Rhaenyra. Because she deserves them all. Rhaenyra is a beautiful character because she is a girl who likes being a girl. Is she stubborn and prideful? Yes, but it doesn't matter. She has every right to be, moreover, she should be. She doesn't have to apologize for the fact that she exists. She has every right to be proud of herself and what she has done. Another thing I love about her character is that she is very feminine and in a powerful position. She relishes having someone protect and care for her, she wants to dress pretty and be a good mother. All of this, and being in the position of someone usually very masculine. She defies what is expected, and Rhaenyra rallies love and admiration from her people and family. For being a bright person who is good at her duty.

I am sad that they changed her in the show for these reasons. Don't get me wrong I love her still, but I would love to see Book Rhaenyra in the show. In the show, she is more masculine, wanting instead die in battle than birth children. Book Rhaenyra did not want to die a knight's death in battle. It is sad the show made her into a tomboy-ish character, instead of having her be a feminine girl who wheeled power well. Who didn't see a need to change herself just because she was going to be Queen. Who stood her ground and people loved her still. I am very passionate about Rhaenyra.

Love your posts about Rhaenyra and Daemyra.

Hello, @tinemilk! God, I am so, so sorry for the late reply! Only these days I finished with my exams!

Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad to know you love Rhaenyra as much as I do! I must say, seeing all the vile hate she received and continues to receive is genuinely jarring to me. Other than Dany, Rhaenyra is the most hated Targaryen in my opinion.

Rhaenyra... God, where do I even begin? She makes me so sad. The way this fandom perceives her, the fact that she is not allowed to be loved and cherished, the fact that every single rumour about her - which absolutely screams misoginy - is not questioned even once by these people. Seeing Eustace and Mushroom's obsessions with her virginity/sexual life as something normal? Body shaming her?

Denying her amazing accomplishments - her being the youngest dragonrider in Targaryen history, being bright and precocious, to prop up irrelevant side characters? Denying her popularity, the love the realm had for her, how much Viserys and Daemon adored her... And all to idolize unimportant characters with two lines max. 😐

Of course she had every right to be proud! She was treasured by her parents, her uncle, her grandfather, the darling of the entire court, known as the youngest dragonrider - why wouldn't she be? Qualities like stubborness and pride are admired in male characters but hated in female ones. Why is that I wonder? 🤨

That is why I said that I am no "team black", only team Rhaenyra. Because self-proclaimed team black move extremely nasty when it comes to Rhaenyra and everything connected to her - from her relationship with Daemon to her children (we know who those people are, but let me not name them).

All in all, I find the attitude towards her character to be baffling at best and deranged at worst.

But I am glad to know you appreciate my posts and my takes on her character. And thank you so much for your message once again! I hope you have a great day! 🤗

[piercemybluesky]

Hi it’s me again. I am totally enamoured by your art but I don’t think I ever explained why I liked it so much so here we go. This morning I was in the shower and I started thinking about you, just like that and I asked myself “why do you love them so much?”

You are not just someone who knows how to draw. You’re a total artist because I just have the feeling that you breathe creativity. I enjoy how unsettling your art is sometimes and that gives me a true feeling of excitement. It’s just the perfect amount of crazy to elevate the piece. And it flows so naturally, so beautifully that there is absolutely no doubt that it’s you. That you’re sharing a little part of yourself with us.

Whenever an artist does something great, I can’t help but wonder about who they are as a person and that’s the feeling your creations give me.

Side note: I LOVE how you draw Geto. As someone who’s read and written A LOT of fanfic, I always marvel at how multifaceted he is and always try to keep that in mind when I’m writing him. I think you capture his energy in such a soft, loving way. His strange feminine energy is always au rendez-vous and I love that.

Thank you for your work!

🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥺🥺🥺🥺 I just want you to know that i nearly rested up in public reading this!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

tjank you for telling me so much kind words i don't know how many thank yous i can say for it to match 😭😭😭💖 im glad you enjoy my messed up works!!! and super happy to know that you love the gentle way i draw geto, i always try to capture that along with his androgyny

thank you thank you thank you !!!!!!!💝💝💝💝💖💖💖💖💖

[wifediaries]

hi Mimi 💕💕 I follow u on twitter & I just wanted to say that as a younger girl (who wants to tap more into her feminine side) ur such an inspiration to me!! ur so angelic & gorgeous, & I adore ur style so much ♡ my question is (if u don’t mind me asking hehe) is: what r some of the daily makeup products that u use or would recommend to somebody else?? :)

Hi love!

This is so so kind, thank you so much! I am so glad you find some kind of inspiration from my style, as I really do enjoy putting outfits together. Ask as many questions as you'd like!

It's like you read my mind! I have been planning to upload a makeup tutorial and this seems like the perfect chance! So, without further adieu...

Mimi makeup tutorial:

Before applying my makeup, its important that I prep my skin. I rub Glossier Milky Jelly into my skin and wash it off before patting my skin dry. I love how this smells and always makes me feel so clean and fresh.

Once my skin is dry, a skincare item I cannot live without is Glossier Solution as with someone with very dewy skin I feel it helps tighten and smooth everything out so that product can be placed on top of it whilst removing some oiliness.

To moisturize, Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream always leaves me glowing. However, recently in these winter months I have been reaching for a small pot of E45, as it is super thick and I find it super hydrating. Once I have moisturized, I apply a high SPF on my face and neck.

I don't tend to use primer, as I feel they often cause conflict with my other products. If I am doing a full face, I will use Charlotte Tilbury Flawless Filter in 4 Medium all over my face and pat it down with a velvet powder puff or damp beauty blender.

Once that is blended in, I will use a small amount of Elf Cosmetics Hydrating CAMO concealer in Light Ivory beneath my eye closer to the inner corner, from the end of my eye to the tail of my brow, beside my nose, along the tops of my eyebrows and the center of my forehead. I will let this sit for a minute, and then press it in using a pink velvet powder puff.

Because the Flawless Filter leaves my faces way too dewy for my liking, I will generously powder beneath my eyes, beside my nose, the middle of my forehead and my chin with Glossier Wowder. If I'm going a little more glam, I will press Laura Mercier loose powder in shade Rose beneath my eyes to add a brighter, pinkier tone.

If I'm bronzing, I will either use Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood contour wand in fair medium before I powder (But I often refrain from this as it takes a lot of blending and can come across muddy in my opinion) Or I use Hoola Bronzer on my outer cheeks and temples. I also like to swipe this across the nose tip to accentuate a button shape.

Blush is by far one of my favourite steps to my routine, and depending on my mood there are many I could reach for. If I want a bright pink with a bluey/purple undertone by favourite has to be Fenty Beauty Cheeks Out Freestyle cream blush in Bikini Martini. If I want a warmer, glowy, more bronzed look then I will choose the Charlotte Tilbury beauty light wand in Pinkgasm. However, my favourite powder blush at the minute which as been my cold-girl, winter essential must be the Kylie Jenner pressed blush powder in Winter Kissed. It's an excellent dupe for the Dior backstage blush!

For highlight, I add some glow back into my face by tapping the Charlotte Tilbury light wand in Pillow Talk along my upper cheeks, and down my nose, before dipping into a white shimmer shade from any eyeshadow palette and adding this to my inner corners, the tip of my nose, my brow bone and sometimes even my cupids bow.

If you use a setting spray, go ahead and use it now.

For eyebrows, I simply fill in any sparse areas ensuring they are as even as possible and straight. Sometimes, I brush a clear brow gel through them if they are acting especially unruly that day!

For eyes, I begin by tightlining my top lashline with brown eyeliner, or a brow pencil. I feel using a dark brown eyebrow pencil has a better hold through the day. I feel this gives the illusion of a thicker, fuller lash line. I do not use any special product for this, so feel free to use what you've got! I then curl my lashes, and if I can be bothered I will heat the curler with my hair dryer for a few seconds. If you do this, let it cool for another few seconds as you don't want to burn your eyelid. Another hack I have picked up, especially if I am coming to the end of a mascara-- is to keep the mascara tube either in your bra or between your thighs to warm up the product inside as you do your previous makeup steps. When I do this, I find the product is less stiff and just makes the lashes come out less clumpy. For this, I use Glossier Lash Slick, as I prefer length over thickness. The product adds little fibres which goes a long way for a long fluttery lash.

More times than not, I opt for a strip lash. If I'm going for a doll-like spiky lash look, I use the Amazon Manga lashes. For a more casual look, I will wear these half lashes. But my favourites recently have been Ardell Wispies.

If I really wanna go all out, I'll add a tiny bit of liquid eyeliner in my inner corner, and or draw a half crease just to add something special. To finish of I dust a light shimmer from any eyeshadow pallette over the lid.

Finally, I move onto lips. Lipliner is essential, and it doesn't need to be expensive to be good. I use a browny pink, ever so slightly rounding my cupids bow just a little more whilst remaining its shape. If I want a fancier glossy-satin finish lip, I'll use this Mac lipstick in shade Angel. Very few times I have left it at that, but 99 percent of the time I will be wearing a gloss. I've been loving the TooFaced Lip Injection Power Plumping gloss in Pretty Pony. It's super plumping and glittery, however I do find it to be quite sticky. My go to gloss, for a super juicy and wet finish would be the Kiko Milano gloss in Tutu Rose. However, if I'm doing something super casual or not wearing makeup but still want hydrated and juicy lips, I will always have on the Lush Snow Fairy lip jelly. It keeps my lips super soft, plump, and tastes really great!

So, after any finishing touches that's about it. If you'd like to know some of my common hair styles with attached tutorials let me know! If you try out any of the products linked or even followed my tutorial let me know what you think!

Mimi 💗

[nerdygaymormon]

I'm scared that being queer is going to drag me away from the church, because every queer person I know in the church has absolute bare minimum faith, and they always contemplate leaving, and I have heard in polls about the sheer amount of queer people leaving the church because of the bigots who refuse to accept and live in equality and harmony with the LGBTQ+ community.

Why can't the straights and Christians just get along with the LGBTQ people and vice versa? It's like a small thing like being queer is enough to have both sides hissing and clawing at each other, and being in all three communities feels like I'm being pulled in two different directions: one half of me who believes in the Church doctrine and wants to be that good, faithful girl who goes to heaven, and the other half who wants me to embrace who I am.

I absolutely hate the fact that queer people have to be closeted in this Church, and I hate the fact that being queer makes me feel wrong, because of the bigots and prejudicial people who can't just let people live their lives regardless of gender or sexual orientation or whatever.

I also hate that part of me can see the patriarchal format of the church and even as a kid questioned why, but currently I am so desperate to keep my faith, to hold onto the one thing I know is true in this world, that I'm wondering whether I should just stay closeted for the rest of my life and live as a cishet and then no one has to know and I can just avoid being disowned and I can avoid having my closest friends turn on me and I can avoid being ostracised for something as trivial as not aligning to the gender binary.

I'm also terrified for my next temple recommend interview because I don't want to lie when the bishop asks if I believe in anything that goes against church doctrine because I might but I don't want to say yes since that might prompt further questions, and I don't want to lie to the bishop and say no.

I can't even ask my parents because they're both homophobic, transphobic and very actively hateful towards anti-LGBTQ people, and I feel like I have no one to talk to, since I don't know any irl friends outside the church and all my other friends believe in being relatively anti-LGBTQ as well.

I feel at my lowest point right now and I hate this because it's piling onto pre-existing family drama and I just want it to end.

Why can't I live my dream of being a proud queer mormon with a husband and kids like I've always wanted without this crippling crisis adding itself onto the gender dysphoria I have from my mother pressuring me to dress and act femininely?

I hate this feeling so much and I hate putting on a smiling mask for people and pretending like it's okay because I can't get into how I'm feeling and the closest I can get is writing an anonymous ask on a queer mormon tumblr blog in the hopes that someone can hear me and talk to me from an understanding point of view.

Sorry for the rant, I had to get it out somewhere...!

This is heavy. I'm glad you wrote.

You're observant. Most queer individuals do leave the church. It indicates that church isn't a good place for most queer people and needs to make some changes.

The church used to define how I viewed myself and my queerness, but over time, my queerness has changed how I view the church. I can't change and not be queer, it's not a choice, and no matter how much I wanted to it just isn't something I have the power to change. Since this is how God made me, then it makes me question why my church would say it's wrong or bad.

For me, I had to learn that this church isn't perfect, the prophets sometimes get things wrong. Lots of things have changed and will continue to change.

Fortunately, Jesus taught us the 2 great commandments and then said all the laws and prophets hang on those 2 commandments. It helps me when I think about teachings at church to think "does this fit with the 2 great commandments, to love God and to love myself & my neighbor?" If it's not loving of myself or my neighbor, then it doesn't fit with what Jesus taught. It helps me identify things I can set aside and the things I can hold tight to.

I'm not saying that now is the right time, but one day you will step out of the closet. Almost every queer person takes that step and it's a brave thing to do. Everything starts changing at that moment because then you can speak up for yourself.

There is a temple recommend question that asks "Do you support or promote any teachings, practices, or doctrine contrary to those of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?" Feel free to ask your bishop if he could explain this a bit more. For example, I support gay marriage and Elder Christofferson has said that members can support gay marriage and still have a recommend, but if two women marry each other then they can't have a recommend anymore. The way I think of this question is the way I live my life is the biggest testament I can give. Even if I want things to change or I disagree on some things or even reject some statements by the prophet, I still live my life in a way that complies, that is a stronger statement than anything else.

We have a queerstake discord that I think you'd enjoy. You'll meet many current and former members who are queer. Even though some are former members, it's not a place to bash church members. Send me a DM and I'll send you a link

[m1nttea]

im glad you seem to enjoy my poem so much <3 like i think you just made my day way better!

id love to hear like your thoughts about it like what is in there that made you rebog that 30 times??

IT'S SO GOOD i had to reblog it 30 times for the soul ok

seriously though, i loved it so much because that's exactly what butch means to me. it's almost synonymous with caretaker, it's about love, it's about saving spiders from the classroom.

growing up (and still, though less so) i was the mediator between my friends and parents and brothers. i kept fights to a minimum, i calmed people down, let them cry on me from the age i knew how to wipe away tears. i half raised my brothers. i raised my mom almost as much as she did me. my dad wasn't home most of the time.

i've been masc since i was 8 years old. i got my first "boy haircut" at that age and it hasn't been past my shoulders since. even without the transgenderism, masculinity is such a huge part of my identity and it's ingrained in every memory i have. a good portion of the bullying and exclusion i experienced was about not being fem enough. my parents are overjoyed in an almost offensive way when i do anything they deem feminine. i get more compliments when i wear a dress, when my hair is longer, when i wear sparkly earrings or paint my nails or use a higher voice. none of these things are exclusively feminine, but they're seen as such by so many people. i don't get compliments for being masc.

butchness is so much more than masculinity. it's part of me, it's who i am, and it's more than significant to my gender. being butch, to me, is being a shoulder to cry on and arms made to hold. it's like that 'interview transcribed from my mind' poem. yknow.

that one. yeah. that interview and your poem hit so hard for me because that's *what butch is* okay i can't. say it any other way. it's bridging the gap, taking care of people on both sides of the vicious fight, it's hugs and hand holding and wiping away tears and cooking for your brothers because your mom doesn't want to that night and sneaking into his room after a fight and holding him and letting him cry on you. and then once he's asleep it's doing the same for her. that's it. yeah.

[kikithegr8]

Ok hear me out. I’m no artist and maybe shouldn’t criticize because I have nothing for y’all except for stick figures, but I’m thinking things should be tweaked a little.

I didn’t choose this option because I didn’t understand what was happening with the hat and the hair and it bothered me. I went with the short hair instead so my spirit could be at peace. Her hair shouldn’t be on her shoulder right, because physics or whatever? Also not that kind of scientist so it may not be physics. idk why it’s wrong I just know it is. I think in the past we had special costume hair.

Hazel is gorgeous love this outfit for her but I think she’s a bit long in the coochie area. I feel like there should be more thigh less material and this should be cut differently. I tried to draw what I mean but remember the whole stick figure thing. Also in the green dress her boobs are asymmetrical. Granted that’s a thing in real life but I feel like this goddess should be flawless and I don’t think it was intentional. Also suuuper jealous of the hoop earrings. Did they have the clothes in mind when they picked the accessories? I digress….

Now this is also long in the coochie area but that makes sense. What doesn’t sit right in my spirit is that the sides come up over his hips instead of straight across. Bikini/briefs aren’t really my thing in general but I was ahem, surprisingly intrigued by Gary in his budgie smugglers. Shawn looks ok too in his drawers. Love the top half 10/10 but the bottom is feminine and therefore unattractive to me personally. I know some folks are into that so happy for you, but for me it’s a no. Glad this wasn’t his outfit during my play through but I saw the sprites and was perplexed.

Anyway, am I crazy? I feel like I can’t draw, but I can dress. It’s all in the details.