#and I can never find a lot informations about them

[blackknight-kai]

Let me start saying I love your blog, reblogs and headcanons, truly, all of the above🩷🩷

If you’re comfortable with the question, do you have any for the Destined One with a female virgin reader?

So I wanna say thank you 🫶🫶🫶🫶 I haven’t quite shared my own head canons much but I don’t have any issue sharing them 🫶 others do a much better job of it so I’ve left it to them. But! Your ask comes at a wonderful time as I needed a break from writing a fic 💀 (kill me im up to 20k)

Let’s get after it! Destined One & a female virgin head canons? I’ll give it a shot! There will be a nsfw section below sorry if that’s not your thing. I wasn’t super explicit on body parts etc but let me know if you guys want a Sun Wukong one? I’d try.

If you’re NOT in a relationship yet and he finds out? (Be it you told him outright or it comes out in passing conversation)

He’d would remain expressionless and quiet as usual. Not wanting to make a big deal out of it and remain respectful

But if you look closely you can see him swallowing thickly at the new information

Will NOT treat you differently

He has a LOT of feelings for you and knowing you haven’t shared yourself with someone else, while not a huge deal he’s never really cared one way or another, it’s something he finds himself thinking about often.

It makes him a little hot under the collar sometimes when he looks at you and remembers what you’d said.

NSFW - on the very rare occasions that he takes some time to himself or you’re not around, in the quiet he puts his goal to the side for just a moment and allows himself to think about his wishes and whims. Specially how he’d touch you and make it good for you because you deserve to be treated like you’re special and HE wants to be the one to do it.

If you’re in a relationship and it either came up naturally or during a more…heated moment.

Would absolutely freeze. Like body full on screenshot kinda freeze - only his tail would flick and twitch as he processes

Because honestly it hadn’t occurred to him before but it is NOW. He’s thought of you and making love with you but first or not first hadn’t been a topic of thought

He’d probably internally get flustered and his heart would race ridiculously but on the outside his expression would appear stoic or mildly surprised

Wouldn’t try to pressure you or make a big deal out of it, as though it doesn’t matter one way or another besides making extra sure you’re comfortable

His tail would eventually give him away though as it would be swishing behind him happy and interested as the information settles in his brain

Dude would be first and foremost HONORED If you shared that news with him and were giving him your first

Probably a first for him too ngl. I see him as someone who was so focused on his path that warming another’s bed wasn’t something he was willing to spare time on.

If it’s not a first for him too then it’s not something he’s done often and isn’t an expert

Would definitely thank you for trusting him with sweet reassuring kisses (if they are a little heated don’t blame him too much)

He is respectful! As I said no pressure. No rush. But would the information please him? Yes.

Definitely adds fire to his belly because HE will be your first

Sends a note of possession through him not because he’d “own” you but because regardless of being a first or not you’d be his and he yours.

NSFW:

Regardless of if you’re shy or ready to get the show on the road he’d be so gentle and would be careful, really careful.

Probably a bit unsure and might move a little too fast accidentally in his own lust but would immediately sooth you as soon as he realizes

Looks to your expressions and sounds to make sure you’re feeling good and safe

He wants to treat you WELL views it as HIS duty to make sure you’re happy

It’s a lot of pressure but he’d do his best and set his mind to it being nothing but perfect for you

I imagine at first his hands would be so feather light letting you get used to him and his touch as he undresses you piece by piece- he’d watch his claws unless he finds out you enjoy them grazing across your skin

He’d brush his lips across every piece of new skin revealed to his eyes unable to help himself

Finds out he really loves your chest, both feeling you & tasting you. as well as napping on you later

But over time as the act went on he’d be more confident, still tender but less unsure

He’d be enamored every time he got you to sigh or make a pleased sound

It’s his goal to hears those often

When he discovers how turned on he’s made you it would send waves of pride crashing over him, he had done THAT

Overall though he’d take his time

He probably won’t speak much if at all, but he’d make sure you’re ready every step of the way. If he does speak it’s not more than a few words here or there, low and only for you to hear as he nips your ear

Multiple check ins

He’s a giver, and while he isn’t practiced whatsoever he’d use his mouth and fingers to bring you pleasure, finding out exactly how you like it by listening to the way you moan or the way your body shivers and trembles with specific movements

He 100% will become VERY VERY good with his hands and mouth

His tail is sneaky, he’d use it as a way to hold on to your leg (holding you open while one of his hands is occupied) or would brush the the furry appendage across your skin just to see goosebumps rise in its wake

When you’re finally connected, after time spent letting you get used to him (and him you because let’s be real he’d be overwhelmed by the feel of tightly wrapped around him too) he’d roll his hips gently

He would make sounds, sighs and groans in your ear.

He’d love it if you cling on to him and tell him he’s doing something good

Full on shudders if you scratch his back or dig your nails into him - he loves it and he might accidentally thrust too hard when you do it

Wants to hear you 👏👏

Would keep control for as long as he could but would listen to your requests almost instantly if you asked him to move faster

Would love it if you moved his hand exactly where you wanted him to touch you

Would suck marks on your skin - thighs and neck, wherever he absentmindedly ran his lips. Would be shy about it later but would touch them possessively or when you’re dressed his eyes would stray to where his marks are on your skin.

Afterwards he’d silently but tenderly wipe you down and then pull you into his arms

Would nuzzle his face against you and breathe your scent as you both relax and come down from your high

Would massage any soreness you have that he could and feel pride at wearing you out, although his face wouldn’t show it

His tail would be like a vice around your thigh all night and trying to get out of his hold in the morning is a chore

He’d 100% take care of you especially for a first time is basically what I’m saying. After, he may be a bit rougher with his movements or may be impatient at times especially after a tough fight and adrenaline is still kicking but will always treat you tenderly as you guys build confidence together.

[slaaverin]

Are you sure? Initial thoughts

Ah I've been rereading a post I made before AYS aired about my excitement and hope for the show.

How joyful yet filled with dread I was about what would be on display, what would be uncovered, and people's reaction.

In retrospect, I think AYS gave us everything we hoped for and more.

We saw jikook relaxed and comfortable, enjoying their time together, doing mundane stuff, with quiet and simple moments, or doing fun activities where they felt free and joyful and in the present moment.

My takeway of this show and jikook's relationship is their sense of belonging.

I hoped for a closer look into their dynamic and we really got that.

The way their relationship works is that no matter what they are doing (or not doing), you can see how much pleasure they are taking for simply being in each other's presence. There is a flow and an ease between them that never gets disrupted by anything. They simply adapt to their circumstances and keep being authentic and enjoy the time together.

They showed several times how important these trips were for them.

But in truth it showed it was not (only) about the trips.

What is really obvious is how much they value their relationship, how much care they put in it.

This is not about the trips, this is not about making a show.

This is allowing time to tend and to nurture this relationship they deeply love.

That's what most important.

It matters to them, so much.

Even with Jungkook (we can see it in I am still) crazy schedule. Maybe because of his schedule.

It was needed, it was even indispensable.

Now we have all the information, I cannot see them not making those trips before military. They craved it so much, and they loved it so much, it was for their own mental health and well-being, to keep their internal balance.

When your world turns upside down, when you are faced with the Unknown, your first instinct is to reassure yourself, is to go home, and make yourself a cup of warm tea, and do the things that makes you feel calm and relaxed. As humans we tend to do this, to take cover, to retreat, in the safest place we know, to ease our hearts and to make us think everything will be ok.

That's what Jimin & Jungkook did.

They went home to each other. They took cover into the ease and softness of their relationship, because that's known. Because that's safe. It's where they feel they belong and they can rest.

I understand why.

Such relationship is an oddity in the real world, it's once every blue moon, it doesn't come easily, sometimes people spend their whole life searching for it.

We can see also how much the dynamic is different with other members. Nothing compares to them.

I think jikook are aware of this (because they are smart people) so when you find something so precious, you want to care for it and keep it close to your heart.

It shows in how much tenderness they have for e/o.

Jungkook plays the "baby alpha" yet with Jimin he transforms into the most caring and protective.

Jimin is a selfless guy in general but we see how he truly deeply enjoys seeing Jungkook happy. "All for your happiness".

Damn it makes me tear up just to think about it.

They are SO LOUD. My god.

It is so goddamn beautiful to witness.

At this point I am simply happy for them.

Happy they have each other. Happy they got to show who they are together with no repercussions (because thank god people are still stupid! Blessed be the ignorant)

This show was a rollercoaster of emotions, but now we know, now we see, now we say "Ah yes, that's it. This is what this is about"

Forever grateful to them for trusting us like this with a huge part of themselves.

They really do love us a lot.

(I'm writing this as I should be editing the show, so this post is pure procrastination, let me to back to work 😂)

Thank you for reading 💜

[vamphorica]

Mellodramattic fic recs? 👁👁

okay, thank you so much anon for giving me the opportunity to ramble about m2 fics, i am very, very passionate about them at the moment ♡ i do intend to create an extensive masterpost, so I'll give you my three absolute favourites to keep you busy in the meantime.

-> crush by etorphine (morphinejunkie on tumblr) rated explicit

i really don't mean this hyperbolically – this fic fundamentally changed my life. words will never be able to fully describe how i felt reading this absolute mammoth of a fic (203k words!) and the lasting impact it has had on me since then. quite simply, it is a masterpiece that so beautifully characterises matt and mello without denying the harsh realities of who they are and their circumstances. it details their lives within the confines of canon, exploring the moments of time between the two that ohba neglected, and it made me sob once i had finished, haha. not to mention that there is an audio drama of two chapters featuring the official English voice actors for Matt and Mello, which is also amazing.

umm... yeah. crush means a lot to me. please read it if you haven't already ♡

-> magnolia by threesmallcrows rated mature

unlike crush, which is very canon compliant, magnolia is an alternative universe fic that tackles an incredibly complex topic in the context of Mello as a famous musician and Matt as his casual fuckbuddy. Matt finds out more about Mello's childhood, and while i will warn that it does get intense, i personally thought it was written very sensitively, which can sometimes be difficult to find in angst fics. additionally, the way it is written is phenomenal, pure poetry. here is the summary, just for a taste of what you are getting yourself into:

gorgeous. highly recommend

-> deep cover by mizzmello rated explicit

i am a huge fan of mizz's art here on tumblr, and her fics are absolutely wonderful too! i reread this one a couple of nights ago for a oneshot i am rotating in my mind, and god, it is just a really fun fic that i feel portrays the boys extremely well. given how the other two are very heavy, deep cover certainly provides a nice respite by sending matt and mello to the club and documenting what they get up to. this will be a fic i always return to, if not just to read the final few paragraphs over, and over, again.

i do hope you give these recommendations a go! i feel as though all three have really informed how i characterise matt and mello, as well as inspiring me to write so much lately. we are really lucky to have such talented writers in this community and i think it is always imperative to appreciate them when the opportunity arises :)

[furious-blueberry0]

Togrutas' pigmentation

A random togruta headcanon I’ve been thinking about for a while and finally decided to write down!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The original and most common pigmentation combinations for togrutas are as follows:

Blue lekku and red skin

Light blue lekku and orange skin

Green lekku and yellow skin

Yellow lekku and brown skin

These were the only colours that the togrutas could have, and sometimes these combinations would mix, but in the end they were always the same 4 skin colours and the same 4 lekku colours.

These remain the most common combinations on the planet of Shili, but it is very common now to find togrutas with completely different colours from the originals ones around the galaxy.

These changes occurred thanks to the encounter with other alien species. It is in fact not uncommon for togrutas who do not live on Shili to have human, twi'lek, mirialian, pantoran or any near-human mammalian species as partners.

Togruta genes are very dominant, so the only difference the second parent's genes can bring is a change in the offspring's coloration. Precisely for this reason new combinations have begun to be exist, some examples:

Pink lekku and red skin

Blue lekku and purple skin

Yellow lekku and blue skin

Gray lekku and green skin

and many others.

As mentioned these combinations can be found around the galaxy, but they’re uncommon on Shili, where the main 4 combinations are still the most common, but the more new pigmentations can still be encountered in the larger cities.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Fuck I hate being an adult. I need a more adult adult to help with the volatile emotional situation.

[thepoisonroom]

apologies if this is a dumb question and i won't be offended at all if you dont answer/dont know but since you've worked in libraries before i was curious if you knew how to let your library know you're interested in an audiobook they haven't purchased ? i know i used to be able to make requests on overdrive but since the switch to libby i haven't been able to figure it out. i hope youre having a lovely day whether you can help or not and appreciate you taking the time to read all this 💛

sorry for the late reply, i haven't been online much and just saw this! most public libraries will have a form on their website called something like "purchase request" or "suggest a title" that you can use to request things! people often think this is only for books, but most places will let you request audiobooks, DVDs, etc. librarians won't always add the things you request to the collection, and they often can't explain every decision in detail due to volume, so results may vary.

the one thing to be mindful of is that audiobook/ebook licensing can be really weird, and sometimes publishers do make it really difficult or impossible for libraries to license certain items! so if your library doesn't get something you ask for, that sucks and is disappointing, but please don't hesitate to keep sending in requests as you have them! that info is always super helpful for collections folks looking to add things to the library that they think you'll want and use!

[gothsuguru]

i love muting people on twitter some of you bitches are very dumb

[antianakin]

@kine-iende

I feel like I'm kicking a hornet's nest by answering this, but what is this blog for if not controversial opinions on things.

Just as a quick disclaimer, Soft Wars is obviously a FAN WORK, so I am not trying to attack the author of this series for their chosen interpretations of things, their characterization choices, etc by stating my opinions on this. Everyone is allowed their own opinions and interpretations and tastes and I applaud this work for the well-written epic that it is and the clear impact it's had on the fandom as a whole.

TL;DR at the end under the cut.

With that out of the way, I think it does some things REALLY REALLY WELL, and some things that I like considerably less. As this reply says, it's really high quality writing with some interpretations of characters I don't personally like or agree with (I won't say they're "bad" because just because I don't like something doesn't make it bad).

Firstly, I really love the way Soft Wars chooses to portray the clones, the focus it has on them already HAVING a chosen culture before the Jedi that they've created amongst themselves, a lot of their own independence, and the strong and unique relationships between the different clone characters. Cody does not feel like he could be replaced with Fox or Ponds or Bly and be effectively the same character, for example. They also all have such unique relationships among each other and with their main Jedi counterparts which was really interesting to see. I love me a niche pairing sometimes.

I particularly love the way Fox and Ponds' relationship played out as someone who identifies as asexual and at least a little aromantic, too. I also really like the way Obi-Wan's sensitivity to touch is handled within his relationship with Cody and how respectful Cody is of that, it's one of my favorite aspects of that relationship in Soft Wars.

That being said, I'm not the BIGGEST fan of the way the Jedi are portrayed all the time. Sometimes it's really great, and I do like it! It's by no means ANTI Jedi, there is no virulent hatred aimed at the Jedi in the narrative. But it absolutely falls into the category of showcasing the Jedi as repressed and somewhat complacent and if they just were a little more Mandalorian, a little more like Anakin, they could've saved themselves from genocide and they'd just be generally happier and healthier people.

This obviously makes itself MOST known with the way the relationship between Rex and Anakin (and Obi-Wan to some degree) gets treated. Rex becomes like Anakin's replacement father-figure because Obi-Wan just didn't quite hit the mark well enough because he's too much of a Jedi and doesn't cater to Anakin's specific needs which is why Anakin falls for Palpatine's manipulations so much. Rex's blatant dislike of Obi-Wan which he BARELY keeps in check and which everybody is aware of because he blames Obi-Wan for Anakin being kind-of a selfish juvenile shithead is... certainly a take on that relationship. Rex tends to give Anakin a lot of advice that I personally see as just obvious normal Jedi philosophy and values as though it's clearly something Anakin wouldn't have learned from the Jedi already.

I'm also not a huge fan of the way Obi-Wan's relationship to Cody plays out in conjunction with the "pledge" to Cody as vod'alor. The fact that Obi-Wan DOESN'T pledge himself to Cody AS A POLITICAL LEADER somehow ends up meaning Obi-Wan doesn't love Cody enough and it's only when Obi-Wan chooses Cody OVER THE JEDI that Obi-Wan is truly... freed? Unrepressed? On his way to a happier way of living life because now he's willing to be in a more typical committed relationship and that's the only way to have a healthy relationship? Obi-Wan choosing Cody and the clones over the Jedi is also what ultimately gets Rex to decide Obi-Wan's not a TOTAL piece of shit and can be saved from his unhealthy toxic Jedi ways.

Then there's Cody apparently blaming MACE for the clones' situation within the GAR. Like I get that the clones would've believed the Jedi had ordered them and all that, but he's literally in a relationship with Obi-Wan who is ON THE COUNCIL and was the one to discover Kamino and the clones and could 1000% tell Cody the truth, and Cody is not presented as though he's kind-of dim and unintelligent or too stubborn to accept the truth, so it feels strange that Cody would hate Mace because he thinks Mace is the reason the clones are "enslaved" to the Republic or whatever. But I will mention here that Mace IS portrayed positively, Cody's dislike of Mace and his choice to blame Mace for their situation is NOT universal since we see a really lovely friendship between Mace and Ponds, so it's not like Mace is at all villainized. It just feels like a strange opinion for Cody to have, especially since it really only makes an appearance once and never gets explored again to my knowledge and Cody's blame seems to rest SOLELY on Mace, not the Jedi or the Council at large.

I don't like the way the Council gets sort-of villainized as a governing body even if its individual members are sometimes treated positively outside of it, specifically through them being pitted against Anakin in particular for no obvious reason. The Deception arc is interpreted as the Council ORDERING Obi-Wan to fake his death and then lie to Anakin about it, when it's stated really really clearly in the episode that the Council itself (or at least Yoda and probably Mace too) don't actually think lying to Anakin is the best idea but that Obi-Wan himself insisted on it for several different reasons, both strategic and personal. Obi-Wan specifically says the Council wants him to "break" Anakin, when a) it's not the Council's idea to begin with in canon, and b) that's not even what Obi-Wan's TRYING to do with this choice in canon.

This theme of pitting the Council against Anakin also comes up in a fic where Obi-Wan "allows" the Council to force Anakin to help Quinlan learn how to go undercover as a slave. It's pointed out by Cody that Quinlan is a perfectly good undercover agent and so he either shouldn't have NEEDED assistance from anyone in figuring out how to act the part or he should have other friends he could go to that could help him learn more that just... aren't Anakin (why it's a better idea to ask a different former slave for advice rather than Anakin who is a trained Jedi with access to mental health care and a lot of support just because Anakin is Anakin and so he's special does not get addressed). The implication here is that the Council just doesn't care about Anakin enough to utilize these options if it's quicker and easier to just use Anakin.

I don't like the way Ki-Adi Mundi is portrayed in Soft Wars, although I have seen a few posts on the author's page about this kind-of addressing some of the critique about the way Ki-Adi is written which... helps. Ki-Adi is apparently someone who gets a LOT of fandom hate for some reason, I assume it's a Legends thing since he's pretty minor in high canon and all of his scenes are pretty generic kindly old man stuff. Since this seems like something that's gotten discussed and brought up a bunch by other people I'm not going to dwell on it.

Soft Wars DOES undo the entire Tusken massacre because it recognizes that's something you either just undo or have to address and deal with and they went with the easier option of just saving Shmi and letting him not massacre an entire village of people down to the last child. I don't have any strong feelings on this honestly, it's clearly the only real way to pretend Anakin's not an irredeemable piece of shit by the time of the Clone Wars. Also the entire point of Soft Wars is to save everybody from death, so saving Shmi is kind-of a necessary thing to do.

You could probably also categorize Soft Wars as one of those stories that acts like if Anakin had just gotten one more lecture from someone about what attachment actually means or that the Jedi actually CAN love blah blah blah that it would've suddenly saved him from going Sith. It's not particularly accurate to how Anakin is written in canon, but it's pretty common to how people who really like Anakin and sympathize with him and relate to him like to write him as a character.

All in all, Soft Wars is exactly what it says it is. It's soft. It's soft towards Anakin, it's soft towards the clones, it's soft towards the war and the worldbuilding. It's definitely worth a read just for the way it handles the clone worldbuilding and the clear impact it has had on the way the clones have been written in fic ever since. At this point, I don't regret reading it but I also don't go back to it very often anymore and there's a reason I didn't rec Soft Wars in my Pro-Jedi Codywan rec list lol.

TL;DR: Soft Wars is not what I would consider fully Pro-Jedi but nor is it anywhere near virulently anti-Jedi and it has some really neat writing for the clones while obviously being really pro-Anakin Skywalker to the point of smoothing out most of his more uncomfortable flaws to make him a more sympathetic and likable character.

[magentagalaxies]

i really want to start making a table collecting statistics on the audience demographics i'll perform my aubrey material for (like what generation most of the audience is, whether i'm performing in a predominantly queer space, etc.) and how well the jokes land bc like. i need to collect more data points before i can properly present my findings but the results so far have been fascinating

[gensokyogarden]

I found this Twitter thread discussing Reimu and Autistic traits quite interesting. As someone both with Autism and in the process of getting my master's degree in clinical psych, I both found it relatable and think the OP made a lot of good points in their analysis (though I will note that you can't really diagnosis a fictional character but it's all for fun). So I thought I'd share it.

[potatoesandsunshine]

the thing about max is... if you put a problem in front of him he will solve it. this means that a lot of work goes into intercepting problems before they can get in front of him. corporal vale got away with a lot in the hinterlands because everything was so chaotic but baron desjardins in emprise du lion got a very polite, very detailed note from the ambassador about the importance of the herald's time after she found out he told him about the three high dragons in the area

[mudstoneabyss]

so much of my blogging whenever I have classes is complaining about them but erm. in my defense they're stressful and overwhelming

[daydadahlias]

"I don't care about/how dare you send me asks about this topic that I myself opened the conversation of and is invasive and gross and weird except for when I do it" ok then

can u read and/or use critical thinking skills at all, genuine question

[evandorepart2]

ok anyway im leaving in. the day after tomorrow at like 2am so im just saying its tomorrow cause im literally just gonna stay up till then theres no point in sleeping. BUT two things. one i need to finish packing. my clothes are dry so i just have to bring them upstairs and pack. sort of stressed out bc like. i like my outfit i dont want to change it but everyones telling me its too hot for a leather jacket like i know!!!! but its my jacket :(

anyway i just have to do that so ill do it now and then…on top of that i wanted to get the draft for my ghost story done but i havent been working on it at all >_< ive just been reading comics the past couple days. so tomorrow. for sure. i will definitely work in getting the draft done totally.

but ugh im kind of nervous i havent seen these people in so long and im not great socially. also i dont go on trips in general so like. i hope i have energy for a full month yknow. i have a tendency of isolating myself when im stressed out but i dont have any space to do that…not that i should but whatever you know

[snekdood]

the problem with vaush’s anti theist argument is he assumes that people just blindly follow whatever a book or religious leader tells us the gods want rather than ever thinking on our own also he’s heavily relying on an argument that religious ppl think their gods word isn’t anything you can go against ever so if they tell you to rape and murder people then its fine to do so but like.... i really dont think any religious person is like this?????? i dont even think rapey serial killer religious people are like this??? like religion is always a front or a justification for their actions i dont think they genuinely believe god came down and told them it was fine i think they know they twisted what they heard/read to their benefit. the problem is with manipulative ppl who are able to take leadership of some sort over a group of people and twist the narrative to their benefit for whatever they’re gathering for, which can obviously happen in literally any kind of setting

[vadlings]

Represention of Autistic Frustration in Laios Dungeon Meshi

Like many other autistic people, I related strongly to Laios Touden while reading Dungeon Meshi. This post isn't going to spend time disputing whether he displays autistic traits or not—while I could do that, I want to focus on why specifically his portrayal struck a chord with me in a way the writing of most other autistic-coded characters has not.

Disclaimer: as the above suggests, this post is strongly informed by my own experiences as an autistic person, as well as the experiences of my neurodivergent friends with whom I have spoken about this subject. I want to clarify that in no way am I asserting my personal experience to be some Universal Autistic Experience. This post is about why Laios' character feels distinct and significant to me in regard to autistic representation, and while I'm at it, I do feel that I have interesting things to say about autistic representation in media generally. This also got a bit long, so I'm sticking it under a read more. Spoilers for up to the end of chapter 88 below.

The thing that stands out most to me in regard to Laios' characterisation is the open anger he displays when someone points out his inability to read other people. This comes up prominently in his interactions with "Shuro" (Toshiro Nakamoto):

The frustration pictured above (Laios continuing to physically tussle with Toshiro, using crude language toward him) becomes even more notable when you remember that this is Laios, who, outside of these interactions, is not easily fazed and often exists as a lighthearted contrast to the rest of the cast. Then we get to Laios' nightmare.

In Falin's words: "Nightmares love emotional wounds. Wounds you hold in your heart. Things that give you stress, or things that were traumatic for you. They aggravate memories like that and cause the dreamer to have terrible dreams." (chapter 42, page 10.) (damn. i'm properly citing for this post and everything.)

Thus, Laios' nightmare establishes an important fact: even if he is unable to recognise social blunders while he's making them, he's at least subconsciously aware that other people operate on a different wavelength to him, and that he's an outsider in many of his social circles (both past and present). His dream-father's disparaging words stress the impact this has had upon his ability to live up to the expectations set out for him, and we also get a panel of kids who smirk at him (presumably former bullies to some degree). Toshiro's appearance only hammers home how much Laios is still both humiliated and angered by his misunderstanding of their relationship.

I've thought a lot about anger as concomitant to the autistic experience. When autistic representation portrays ostracization, it's generally from an angle of the autistic character being upset at how conforming to neurotypical norms doesn't come easily to them; as a result, they express a desire to 'get better' at meeting neurotypical standards, a desire to become more 'normal' (whether the writing implies this is a good thing or not). In contrast, not once does Laios go, "I need to perform better in my social interactions, and try to care less about monsters, because that's what other people find weird." His frustration is directed outward rather than inward, and as a result, it's the people around him who are framed as nonsensical.

The Winged Lion starts delineating Laios' anger, and Laios' reaction is to think to himself, "It can sense all my thoughts, huh?" (chapter 88, page 16.) This is the scene that really resonated with me. I'm not saying I have never felt the desire to conform to neurotypical norms that is borne from insecurity, but primarily, I know that I don't want to work toward becoming 'normal'—I don't want to change myself for people who follow rules I find nonsensical. It's the difference between, "Oh god, why can't I get it," and, "WHY CAN'T YOU GET IT?" (phrasing here courtesy of my friend Miles @dogwoodbite). And for me personally, Dungeon Meshi is the first time I've seen this frustration and the resultant voluntary isolation from other people portrayed in media so candidly. Laios' anger is not downplayed or written to be easily palatable, either.

The culmination of Laios' frustrations in this scene wherein we learn that Laios has fantasised about "a pack of monsters attacking a village" drives home just how alienated he really feels. I need not go into his wish to become a monster himself, redolent of how many autistic people identify/have identified with non-humans to some degree as a result of a percieved disconnect from society (when I was younger, I wanted to be a robot. I still kind of do.)

Obviously, wishing death upon other people is a weighty thing, but the unfiltered nature of this page is what deeply resonated with me. The Winged Lion is laying Laios' deepest and most transgressive desires bare, and they are desires that are a product of lifelong ostracization by others (whether intentional or unintentional). This is the brand of anger I'm familiar with, and that my neurodivergent friends express being familiar with, but that I haven't seen portrayed in writing so explicitly before—in fact, it surprised me because most well-meaning autistic representation I've experienced veers toward infantilisation in trying make the autistic character's struggles easy for neurotypicals to sympathise with.

Let's also not neglect the symbolism inherent to Laios' daydream. "A pack of monsters attacking a village". Functionally, monsters are Laios' special interest—he percieves everything first and foremost through his passion for monsters. His daydream of monsters attacking—killing—humans, is fundamentally a daydream of the world he understands (monsters) overthrowing the world that is so illogical to him, that has repeatedly shunned him (other people). I joked to my friends that it's an autistic power fantasy, and it actually sort of is. And in it, his identity is aligned with that of the monsters, while his anger manifests in a palpable dissociation from the rest of humanity. This is one manga page. It's brief. It's also very, very raw to me. I think about it often.

To conclude, I love Laios Dungeon Meshi. This portrayal of open frustration in an autistic character meant a lot to me, and I hope I've sufficiently outlined why. Also, feel free to recommend media with autistic representation in the notes if you've read this far—I would really like to see if there is more of this nature. Thank you for reading. I'm very tired and should probably sleep now.