#and I fear he will continue for a while
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Hello I'm Dunk GMMTV will go down in history 🤣😂
#that came out of nowhere#it caught me off guard#dunk haven't let this go#and I fear he will continue for a while#but this was so funny Dunk!#dunk gmmtv#<- I should have created this tag already#joongdunk#dunk natachai#joong archen#the heart killers#the heart killers fanparty
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[right to left]
finally finished This Wip from Ever ago and so now i ask you ever look into another dudes eyes and suddenly want to do whatever he wants
#xmen#xmen comics#cherik#professor x#magneto#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#erik magnus lehnsherr#the kids are here too but i aint taggin them vaeLKEVJKLJ#snap sketches#posting this now and not obsessing over the details i need to SLEEP#please click/tap and zoom to read anything im sorry theres so much dialogue#i thought i was gonna finish this sooner but i went grocery shopping with my bro today and that took longer than expected !!!!#ALSO CHAT. if youre up to date on My Lore via my tags ... my prof's lettin me submit my assignment ... life's so good...#speaking of life being good i was giggling like stupid while drawing this . i named it 'this is stupid' and i stand by that#this is so unserious im gonna make myself throw up ITS SO CORNY i make myself sick with what i draw <- will continue to do this#only god knows if this is even how that power of his works i just saw an opportunity and ran with it#the trick here is he doesnt even have to use any 'power' he can just do that to charles by default#however im making them be obnoxious about it. i am making them obnoxious over dramatic grandpas because i can#my only crime is loving the utter cheese and corniness of the 60s comics like God. anyways bye !!!!!!!#maybe one day ill finish that other comic i sketched for this weekend but i fear i wont have time to so next weekend me thinks ....#for now i hope you all enjoy this. goofy as hell nonsense jLAKJVEKLVJ
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doodles and stuff. struggled with painting until i gave up
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#lobotomy corp spoilers#i GUESS? carmen and ayins face is a whole thing and stuff.#oh wait hello silly first life stuff. yeah that counts. tee hee?#angela and benjamin are technically there but theyre kinda small compaired to the rest of the drawings in inclusion so im not sure..#ill do angela since she isnt covered#angela lobcorp#carmen lobcorp#ayin lobcorp#netzach lobcorp#it mustve been so prominent. the feelings of affection. those memories of ayin smiling so gently and warmly to her. to Carmen. than angela.#for it to be the very first thing brought up. the very first thing to actually recall from the copy of Her brain. a warmth she would never#be able to see upon that face. a warmth she knows and can recall but never for Her. a man who adored carmen to have such a face shown to he#that now cannot even bare to look at what isnt her what could never be her yet depending on a creation he loathes#for its similarities. for being close to him. for not Being Carmen enough. for being a bastardization of what once was. holding#justifications and trying to convince the self in order to continue forward. its just a machine. a machine must behave as a machine#how miserable. how trapping. how stuck and desperate. ever inflicting cycle of pain. anyways PLATONIC GIOCARMEN!! 🔥🔥#i canot speak upon ayin for there isnt enough room. GIOVANNI!! wanted to draw some interactions w them.#there was a scrapped doodle of carmen talking abt pain levels for beaking bones with a smile on her face while pointing to his body#bc day 48 and decidedly factually stating things with a smile as if it wasnt even personal. even if it is distressing#women in stem 🔥 have her bring over diagrams for him to have as reference. gio helping skim and find pages for specific quotes or a section#to bookmark. just happy at her glee and determination. carmen is holding up a clipboard w a diagram from the red book by carl jung but its#really small and hard to tell what it is. tee hee. there is more rambles but nay. i shant. twas for fun in between stuff#ever constant fear of misconstrued words. prithee. accept my offerings.....#spoke abt them before. i think? so content inside her warmth and joy. alive at her pride. feeling a part of him ripped away at her listless#expression. erased vanished faded from the world back to the murky color of gray further when she left the world. its so. ahngbh.#ill make a rb after this comes out and i wake up on the side blog nieranddear of just more rambles on it all that couldnt fit here#lor spoilers#... maybe. maybe on the rambles. if i dont get embarrassed and dip out of fear. whatever. go my queued post
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One of the probable reasons as to why Kaeya didn't arrive on time for Crepus and Diluc when they were attacked was because he, and the knights with him, had no vision, and thus, cannot use a teleport waypoint.
Him receiving his cryo vision when he was supposed to get scorched by Diluc was genuinely the biggest slap to the face given to him by Celestia. It arrived just in time to save HIM.
Even now, the vision only heals and shields him alone as a manifestation of his desire to keep living from that fight... but he can't use it to help others.
#ngl this description was a shock to see purely coz wtf were inazuma vision bearers doing lmao#unless they didnt want to leave their countrymen alone while the decree was still up#kaeya#kaeya alberich#yeah idk what else to say about it other than the fact that Kaeya's vision is the biggest middle finger from celestia#celestia: lol f this kid specifically. he did nothing wrong but his fam sure did#1 more thing but do they have to approach a teleport waypoint to use it?#im assuming they do purely coz they dont memorize where all the other waypoints are#ngl this opens up to other ideas like cyno tighnari and collei travelling instead of teleporting is coz nari hasnt been to mond#same with others taking a boat coz they havent encountered that waypoint yet#i guess that explains things for most inazuma vision bearers actually :O they havent left the nation so they cant unlock the other waypoints#wow i have a lot of thoughts here in the tags yet again. kaeyachi with the tags that can be a whole entire post instead.#right back to kaeyangst but seriously what a wicked timing. him receiving it too late to prevent everything#him also receiving it just in time to let him continue living his life full of lies...(his own words not mine)#did he start learning how to use it immediately? did he fear its usage because it meant celestia was watching him?#did he stare at it in betrayal? throw it off a cliff? hide it in his drawers?#so many thoughts hnghh
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authority has only found me appealing because they've always known i'd make a great cog in the machine
#dandy's doodles#professor layton#henry ledore#the caption comes from one of the pages i wrote with my left hand a bit of a while back#the page begins saying 'henry scares me in that he is my future should my success continue into the capitalist hellscape of adulthood'#and i do think about henry a lot in terms of capitalism and anxiety and success/survival. and my dad#i'm very similar to my dad in a lot of ways. the page could've just as well said:#'my dad scares me in that he is my future should my success continue into the capitalist hellscape of adulthood'#he is so very responsible and organized and diligent and hardworking. and so very very stressed#all of which i know i'll have to be if i'm going to survive/be successful (which to me are the same thing)#henry is very similar to my dad for being all of those things. and similar to me for having the fear of having to be them#part of him just wants to be a little kid i think. he doesn't wanna grow up and work himself to death but he knows that's his destiny#to quote the page again: 'i was born to be perfect or die trying. natural selection will mean the certain extinction of my inner child'#he wants to be safe and loved. he doesn't wanna be an adult. but he's been forced to embody the pinnacle of adulthood#and thus he ends up proving everyone who enforced his obedience 'right'#he's been beaten and molded into the model adult#he was never taught to expect love so he learned to survive (and succeed) without it. which is very economical#in a strange way then henry is one of capitalism's most prized products isn't he?
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I cannot emphasize enough how much everything In-ho did during his time in the games was in service of breaking down Gi-hun. Every glance, every story, every comment was incredibly and deliberately calculated.
His first interaction with Gi-hun immediately places the blame on Gi-hun for the games continuing: "I pressed the O because of you." He also explicitly asks for Gi-hun's help on behalf of the group. This sucks Gi-hun into being a mechanism of the games themselves (not just a player, but one telling others how to play) while robbing him of his agency to do so: whereas he was confident in helping during the first game, because it was his choice, In-ho's request forces him to share about the Dalgona prematurely, and he then has a nightmare about misleading the players. This also leads to many players becoming hostile when the game is not Dalgona, which--who could have guessed?--In-ho jumps in to stop. He orchestrated the situation so that Gi-hun would feel maximum pressure and guilt, before In-ho himself relieves it to build trust between them.
Then there are the introductions. In-ho uses Gi-hun's name before they are introduced, which may have been a genuine slip, but was very likely intentional given his response. In-ho's method throughout the games is to parallel and associate himself with Jung-bae, Gi-hun's only actual friend (he saves him during the merry-go-round games; he eavesdrops on Jung-bae's conversation with Gi-hun and directly uses the "get me a soju" line from that conversation to subconsciously build Gi-hun's trust in him during the firefight). So when he uses Gi-hun's name, he says he does so because he heard Jung-bae doing it, and Gi-hun allows him to continue--this creates the first of the links between them. But then, when they are properly introduced, In-ho laughs that "Seong" just means "last name;" in doing so, he implies to those who don't know him that Gi-hun may not be telling the truth, and in context of their conversation (focused on the significance of their names) highlights how Seong Gi-hun is "no one special." He's just an everyman.
Another reason that "slip" was almost certainly intentional is that In-ho is very deliberate about showing moments of weakness. His breakdown during the Six-Legged Race was designed to both further stress Gi-hun (and if Gi-hun had failed, they were in the very last groups present, so they could have been selectively spared as needed) and to strengthen their bond, as Gi-hun got to "encourage" In-ho; then In-ho helped Gi-hun and the team win by kicking with him the final time. Even cheering along with Gi-hun while the other teams went was in service of cementing their connection; and, any time a team failed, In-ho got to observe Gi-hun's reactions under the guise of empathy. In-ho may have felt some genuine emotions while cheering or comforting Gi-hun, but they aren't to be trusted.
That's particularly true because of his biggest "weak" moment: telling Gi-hun why he is in the games. The show confirms, when Jun-ho finds the winner file, that In-ho actually did join the games years before (from his family we know that it was because of his wife's illness), and that he won them himself. So he isn't lying about the details of his personal story--and he even gets emotional--but it is, once again, all in service of ensnaring Gi-hun and earning his trust. In-ho is not faking all of his emotions, but he is controlling and weaponizing them, which is why none of his apparent fondness for Gi-hun can be trusted. He uses his emotions as a tool, rather than being affected by them.
The ultimate result of this manipulation is that Gi-hun is made to feel that everything that happens is his choice (even the things he didn't choose). From the beginning, In-ho has ascribed his choices to Gi-hun. Throughout the games, there are several moments where In-ho explicitly has Gi-hun choose for him; other times, In-ho suggests an approach and Gi-hun shoots it down, and In-ho always coalesces. Gi-hun gets to have "his way." But "his way" doesn't seem to work, and he, like the rest of the players, is changed by the games. His final plan, as In-ho forces him to face, involves a sacrifice of some for the good of the many. Only after he admits this (through his silence) does In-ho agree to help. Then, during the firefight, when Gi-hun tries to give In-ho the ammunition he risked his life to get, In-ho asks, "Are you sure?" Gi-hun's choice to trust In-ho leads to him running out of ammunition earlier, forcing his surrender; meanwhile, In-ho still "dies," and Jung-bae is shot in front of Gi-hun's eyes. None of Gi-hun's choices made things better--they made it all his fault. He is left with the blame, as the Frontman (who is In-ho! And always has been!) tells him point blank.
But none of Gi-hun's choices have really been choices. They have all been based on lies, within a system that uses the information they have to actively orchestrate events against him. The same is true of the players in the game; their choices are not free, because their circumstances (largely caused by unfairness in the world) have trapped them. The baseness they resort to is not what they would do if they really had the choice, and some are even able to choose virtue within the hellscape, but over and over, the system facilitates the dominance of cruelty. And In-ho, the personification of that system, targets Seong Gi-hun, the "Everyman," to make him submit to it--to make him choose to believe that there is no other way.
#seong gi hun#hwang in ho#squid game#squid game 2#meta#my meta posts#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#this took me a while but i think it was worth it#and many people have already commented on how clearly this is an allegory for how society works in relation to us‚ the people in it#so i don't need to get into that but just to say it so that i have: we always have a choice.#and i hope against hope that gi-hun is somehow able to continue making that choice‚ the right choice‚ to believe in the good of humanity#to believe in a way out and a way forward if we just work together‚ if we just look into the face of a stranger and see a fellow man#because i believe in that. i *have* to believe in that. it is the only way to survive and the only way to have joy#and my fear is that the narrative is clearly leaning toward tragedy. toward turning him into the next frontman‚ or killing him#and that would be a sore loss indeed. people call him stupid and naïve but to me he reads as orpheus#not unaware of the way the world works‚ but refusing to accept it. desperate to show us 'how the world could be...'#'...in spite of the way that it is.' and in response i can only hope: 'maybe it will turn out this time‚ on the road to hell...'#'it's a sad song. but we're gonna sing it even so.'#kay has a party in the tags
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That one sentence in "The War of the Jewels" saying that Maeglin was caught by Sauron’s spies is haunting me in my dreams, because it means Tolkien wanted or at least considered inserting Sauron into "The Fall of Gondolin". And if that had happened, not only would we have more First Age Mairon content, but I also wouldn’t be forced to read all those stupid posts about how he "never ever returned to Angband" after the loss of Tol-in-Gaurhoth because he was sooo afraid of Melkor.

#this isn’t exactly a ship post but I’m still tagging it as one#it just makes me so angry that despite the fact that Silmarillion is an unfinished story people still choose to ignore that#in order to push their own biased agendas#we have quotes saying that Mairon continued to desire his master’s triumph “while Melkor still stood”#then why are you coming up with bullshit about him spending the entire time until the end of the War of Wrath hiding and shaking in fear#and I also don’t remember any quote saying he ever stopped being “Melkor’s most trusted servant”#angbang#mairon#sauron#melkor#morgoth
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God I genuinely don’t get why people hate Nightheart so much. Every reason they have is they’re actually just angry at the authors not at Nightheart lol. Like you’re allowed to hate whatever character u want but I just saw a comment saying the fandom should scalp every Nightheart fan alive and it’s like woah okay. Jesus he’s just a cat dude
#I hate warriors fans#nightheart#warriors#warrior cats#wc#waca#“he’s so spoiled and is a bitch for no reason!#correction! you’re just angry that the Erins changed the characterization for sparkpelt#sparkpelt Squirrelflight and finchlight deserved better yes but what they deserved was for the erins to write them better#because the way they’re written they Genuinely do treat Nightheart badly I NEED the fandom to understand this#nightheart: I feel like there are unreasonable comparisons being made between Firestar and I and I wish you would stop.#every cat in ThunderClan: this is the most outrageous and unreasonable any cat has ever been ever let’s continue to ignore his wishes#idk the series of me defending literally every character in warriors continues#I fear you must understand the different between author intent + good faith reading and audience perception + paranoid reading#bc why are you reading warriors if you’re bothered by the authors problematic tendencies and you’re not have a good time#why are you on tumblr dot com threatening to torture fans of a fictional cat you don’t like#you exhaust me#I understand that you are disappointed your female faves once again have been thrown under the bus for a male character I know I know#I Get It#but I fear if you want to enjoy warriors you Have to understand that this is the way the erins work and it’s terrible but#…idk what did you expect I guess?#if it bothers you that much maybe warriors isn’t the fandom for you? like im genuinely saying this#it’s Good to care this much. it’s Not Good to surround yourself with media that actively makes you this Angry and hateful#I’m sure there will be some morons whose takeaway from this is that I hate women#or have high unreasonable expectations for women while I actively clear the way for male characters#so let me be So fucking crystal clear#👏 I UNDERSTAND THAT THESE GIRLS WERE SHAFTED FOR NIGHTHEARTS DEVELOPMENT 👏#👏 I UNDERSTAND THIS IS A BAD THING 👏#👏 IT IS THE UNFORTUNATE REALITY OF WARRIORS#👏 YOU THREATENING TO KILL FANS OF THIS CHARACTER ISNT FEMINISM 👏
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"You have your best friend."
(understand, misunderstand, accept, and let go.)
#mug draws#until then fanart#until then#until then game#mark borja#nicole lacsamana#YPU DONT UNDERSRANF HOW THIS GAME CONTINUES FO STAB ME IN THE HESRT FOR NO REAOSN ‼️‼️‼️‼️#AAUUEURJGJFUAUEUEJD#drawing wise i cant tell if it's obvious but#nicole is more red to signify her anger while mark is blue to signify his fear/slight sadness#the eyes on nicole killed me btw#UH also yes it's nicole's shadow on mark#trying to get that imposing figure to get him to listen bjt also that#they parallel in many ways#the text making nicole's area feel cramped while the texf making mark's feel isolated is intentional#the belief that nicole thought he'd understand but maybe he didnt actually and she's the only one who is grieving in this way
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just thinking that eddie can’t really leave buck. whether it be the tree that tim is saying whatever that means, or he can go all the way to texas and just never let him go. evan buckley has planted a seed all those years ago and their roots are stubborn now and there is no where in this world where eddie can go and buck can not follow—and i’m not saying he would, but just, buck would be there, you know? even if he isn’t.
he’ll be in the truck with him through those pastries and through the music and through every silence just begging and asking to be filled with stories and facts and random anecdotes of every town they’re passing and through everything, just. eddie thinks he’s doing this for chris, but their problem isn’t the distance, not at all. if buck could just tell him, if eddie could just see.
i just can’t see him leaving.
#911 abc#shitumblrtag#evan buckley#eddie diaz#buddie#buddie 911#anyway i am still very much convince this is a dream or a thought or a fear buck will continuously have till eddie says he’s staying#so what if he gets this image while he’s telling somebody about his greatest fears#like#im still there
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Chasm: Curse of Kaine (Vol. 1/2024), #1.
Writer: Steve Foxe; Penciler and Inker: Andrea Broccardo; Colorist: Brian Reber; Letterer: Joe Caramagna
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Chasm: Curse of Kaine#latest release#Scarlet Spider#Kaine#Kaine Parker#the constant tension between Kaine and truly living makes me sad#he spent so much of his life and has even been straight up resurrected and yet he continues to live like he has a foot in the grave#is it habit? self-punishment? fear of unworthiness? fear of the unknown/a life he never felt he would be able to have#and quite actively tormented Ben for trying to realize such a dream?#because yeah the first time I read that last line my initial sense of irony absolutely sent me hahaha#like my guy you WERE the curse popping up behind Ben while he was drinking milk just to tell him kilo yankee sierra and that Janine#should jump off a bridge#but I guess that’s the deeper irony#Kaine spent a lot of time near-single-mindedly devoted to ruining a guy’s life#what better penance than having to face the guy who’s uuuuuh stress you at least contributed to a lot#there’s always the other curse#you know#the curse of Cain that comes with killing your brother and involves forever wandering the earth (which the creators are deliberately#invoking with that there Biblical allusion)#but yeah after all that Aracely mention !!!! I weep I miss her so much#but even that can’t entirely distract me from ???? ayo what teams were trying to recruit Kaine???#besides the New Warriors that is
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Have the power scaling people found out about Disco yet
#disco ended the world. he couldn’t stop himself from ending the world.#the end of the world couldn’t be stopped. he could not change the future as much as he said he could.#I feel like the ending is bleak as well as hopeful.#all he can do is hope the new world is created on a basis of hope. hope for the betterment of everything.#while at the same time. he did kidnap 300 million children.#he created a strange ark where the paradise he stumbled upon will eventually crumble. due to the nature of everyone in there.#like it won’t stay peaceful forever. the more people you bring in the more perspectives are in there. the more it will change.#it will fit them. but it will change.#god.#godddd.#and disco goes on living with koeda. as long as kozue is okay he’s happy with not being with her.#and he will continue to dance with koeda.#go on discotheque! and dance!#I think discotheque is a really interesting thing to call him. a discotheque only plays recordings. no live music.#nothing that can change. it’s always the same. the songs are predetermined in a way.#there is no way to change them at a discotheque. disco can’t change the future.#he can’t fight the future. he can only become what he fears. change his own mind to accept it as something good.#to accept the kidnapping as something okay. something right.#I think it’s still morally…ambiguous.#I don’t know if the kidnapping is good or not. after all the narrator is disco. he’s not unreliable but he isn’t omniscient.#it’s all from his perspective. it’s what he thinks is good. and his perspective changes.#the wills of others change his own will in turn.#I don’t knowwwwwww#I shouldn’t have put all of this in the tags#disco wedneadayyy#spw talks
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Can I ask, since you mentioned agreeing 'even if under duress' - how did the Watchers convince Player Grian to join them in hunger au?
So take this with the specific grain of salt that ive never watched Evo directly (but have friends who have ((thank you wren)), so i know tidbits via osmosis from them), but my thought has always been that the riddles the Watchers gave the Evo Players were all tests used to measure cleverness and intelligence-- the whole point of them attempting to copy the mind of a Player into a Watcher larva in the first place was to try and avoid the insanely high infant mortality rate their typical juveniles go through, bc they dont understand their own limits enough to even know they have them yet. So they needed a Player they knew they could instruct and who would listen to them, and, well. Grian, for all he was rebellious and outright defiant of the Watchers, still solved their puzzles and only had to be punished once before he stopped trying to mess with them
What ive always pictured is after the dragon fight the two main elders of the Watcher colony finally revealed themselves to Grian properly-- i have this crystal clear image of the two of them hovering above and next to the central end island, looming over Grian, and like, these guys are big. HUGE. A good 5x bigger than the ender dragon itself, at LEAST. It would be hard not to feel insanely intimidated by that, honestly, especially when there are two of them side by side, blocking your entire view of the End from that direction.
Anyway picture that with the context of these two giant floating winged worms youve never seen before, who have demonstrated their powerful ability to manipulate code in a way you cant.... telling you that they have chosen you to become one of them. Thats an immense amount of pressure, both from flattery and fear, especially considering theyve punished you before for defying them. I like to think even then, Grian balked a bit, and while i dont have exact dialogue beats here, i know the Watchers continued putting that pressure on him (likely while leveraging his friendships too-- like ive always said, if Grian hadnt been chosen, BigB wouldve been, and i can absolutely see the Watchers offering to take him in Grian's stead) until he finally caved and accepted their "offer" of joining them.
Unfortunately, he didnt find out exactly what that entailed until it was far too late.
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#evo watchers#watcher!grian#grian#evo smp#tldr they pressured tf out of him to do it#through both flattery and also leveraging his own fear against him#he was a Player after all. they were likely bumping his mood post-dragon fight to make him more suggestible#the most painful thing abt this to me is that the Watchers still werent being deliberately malicious here like#with the way they viewed Players this was NORMAL to them#they just. didnt rlly consider them as much more than food/hosts for their young. in their eyes the Watcher that emerged was different#than the Player it had hatched from#even though it had Grian's mind memories personality and stats#every day i feel shrimp emotions abt this#the horror he went through..... and they never once thought of it as torture#they never once regarded Player!Grian as something that needed to know what was going to happen to him#bc it was normalized to them. yeah sure Watcher juveniles hatch from Player hosts thats NORMAL thats part of their life cycle!!!#the only new thing is this one would still retain the Player's mind#it was a fucked up science experiment basically and grian wasnt told ANYTHING before it actually happened to him#sobs and cries ohhh grian i fucked you up SO BAD huh#also huge shoutout to my friend wren for giving me a little context while i wrote this and confirming my ideas slotted in#rlly well with existing canon. character understander status continues to stay intact im winning#txt
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11. What are your boys' fears?
[Elland's — death/serious injury to his loved ones; William's — being in pain/sick.
Elland's comes from how protective he is: making his family happy is a self-imposed goal of his, a reason to live. It doesn't mean he wouldn't let Cyrus make mistakes or that he will babysit William. But he is much rather be the one getting hurt instead.
William's is easier: poor lad is just horrified of physical pain. He has poor health as it is, got sick often as a child. Not to mention his legs injury that left him bedridden for a while (even with magic and potions, it was partially in his head, being in pain and depressed cause he couldn't compete, fearing he'd be in pain for the rest of his life — psychosomatic stuff.) He is fine now, none of that, it's been years, he is a sunshine and does not get stuck in the bad places for long. But he can't compete anymore because after a rigorous exercise his knees started aching again when Will tried getting back into it, and Will switched into Quidditch. Climbing stairs is not easy, and he cannot allow himself to run. But walking is fine.
He just hopes he'll never go through anything like that again. No pain, thank you! He had enough of that to last him a lifetime.]
#william#elland#tw: death#tw: injury#[I had a lot written on the topic before but I for the love of Merlin cannot find it!]#In Elland's only bad ending au (because I found out too late from my ship partner at the time - their boy eventually dies)#Elland becomes reckless at his Auror job after his husband passes away from some wand magic poisoning that was building up for years#and both of them knew it but his husband refused not to use blood magic to heal people#anyway#Elland becomes eventually dies painless death on one of the missions while saving somebody's life#mostly because i know he would never re-marry and death seems a linder option that Elland continuing to live with the pain#his worst fear becoming real after years of knowing it'll come too soon#i try not to think of that au too much but it's the only one like that
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yeah wq and wn are both good choices (tho not perfect for different reasons - wq did end up giving in and sacrificing herself, in the end :( and I don't think wn would have the mental fortitude) but ultimately I've gotta go with lan wangji, reigning champion of self-repression for the 20th year running
#analyzing wq and wn's decisions and behavior is a little different than lwh's bc very often wq and wn are simply#not in a position of power TO act on their desires or what they want#and lwj almost always is#in the book only as an adult but still. he's got that mix of intense emotion/passion#and extreme self-control (while sober)#you could appeal to him by saying it would save wwx...that's def his weak spot....hm#but his mental fortitude and his strength of personality and as a character is like a huge thing in the series#it's an extremely significant aspect of his character and the story#like...he watched the person he loved most in the world die horribly in front of him and he continued to try to make the world better#in his memory. there's very little that would actually break him#as long as he knew wwx was okay#a lotr au cannot cast wwx as frodo I fear#cql txp
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i have thought of 1 (one) pro to this whole housing situation and i’m clinging onto it for dear life
#that being the enhanced freedom of living alone/away from family again#just generally being able to have routines and (hopefully) have them be respected in shared living spaces#of course that depends on who i find as a roommate but i’m choosing to stay optimistic#and on the note of freedom that includes more social freedom to have people over#like games nights with friends and stuff#or like. people staying over occasionally.#which technically i could do before it’s just wildly uncomfortable so i generally don’t#it’s the fear of not having a place to fall back to if things go wrong#that’s really getting to me#because my family is so spread out that even if i was able to crash on my mom or grandma’s couches (bc they both live in small one bedrooms)#they’re both so far away (literally a several hour ferry ride in my mom’s case)#that i wouldn’t be able to continue work or school if i had to do that#my dad is looking for a place in the cities around where we are now but that’s not certain at all and again one bedroom#BUT#and this is a HUGE thing that my friend reminded me of#i have friends in my life who would also support me if it came to that (totally not crying while typing this)#he reminded me that his family has even said in the past that i always have a place to stay with them#and i even did at one point for several weeks when our house got all its wall torn out bc of massive water leaks#and i know i have at least two other friends who would do the same if i really needed it#and i’m so so so fucking lucky#i may not have a ton of people in my life but the people i do have are better people than i ever could have hoped for#i stumbled into knowing (and this is no exaggeration) i believe some of the kindest most compassionate loving people in existence#i was always such a sucker for found family stuff and it was only in the last two years or so that i realized that’s what i have#okay stress crying has turned to emotional gratefulness crying#still physically unpleasant but emotionally incomprebly better#personal
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