#and extreme self-control (while sober)

[llycaons]

yeah wq and wn are both good choices (tho not perfect for different reasons - wq did end up giving in and sacrificing herself, in the end :( and I don't think wn would have the mental fortitude) but ultimately I've gotta go with lan wangji, reigning champion of self-repression for the 20th year running

[raythekiller]

Hello! :> I was wondering if I could request Toby, Ben, Jeff, Lane and EJ with a reader who is already very flirty but when they drink they get very affectionate and touchy. They won’t stop touching them and will be very suggestive? Thank you in advance! Please never stop posting Lane content I am in love

🗒 ❛ S/O Gets Suggestive When Drunk ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ben Drowned, Ticci Toby, Eyeless Jack, Masky, Hoodie, Jane The Killer, Lane The Lurker

#Notes: merging these two asks together cause they're fairly similar. also warning for slightly suggestive content

pronouns used: none, gn! reader

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꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

He gets a bit startled at first. Where did this come from all of a sudden? He just offered you a few drinks, he didn't expect you to be all over him. When you start kissing him, he doesn't think much about it at first, figuring you just wanted a quick peek, but as it starts to get more heated and sensual he pulls away, surprisingly flushed, and asks "The fuck are you doing?". It comes off a bit rude, but that's just because he's surprised - he doesn't oppose it at all. If anything, he loves the attention. As you keep making out, he gets a boner in seconds and is a little embarrassed about it, but covers it up by being a little bold himself, pushing you onto his lap, kissing you harshly in revenge.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ben Drowned

Not gonna lie, he definitely got you drunk to see if you... "Loosened" up a little, if you know what I mean. Ecstatic once he got what he wanted. As soon as you started being all over him, he felt a heat rushing through him with the excitement he felt at the idea of what'd come next. Once you kiss him, making him taste the alcohol in your tongue, he's pratically whimpering, kissing back eagerly. SUPER hot and bothered, either waits for you to suggest to continue this somewhere more private or excuses himself to the bathroom.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

He starts getting a bit worried once he sees the alcohol start getting a hold of you, so he rushes to your side to ask if you wanna sit down or go rest, maybe ease up a little. Was NOT expecting you to throw your arms over his shoulders, pulling him close while talking about how much of a pretty boy he was. Gets weak in the knees at the petname. Once you begin kissing him, starting from his neck and working your way up to his mouth, he swears he was could have fainted. Extremely flustered, but not complaining. Kisses back shyly and offers to take you to bed, for a rest or something else.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Eyeless Jack

Another one who gets worried when he notices you're taking it a bit too far. Fetches you a glass of water and grabs you to sit you down, before you switch it around and push him onto a chair, then sitting on his lap. He just stares at you extremely confused for a second before you start caressing and kissing him, mumbling about how much you loved him. He feels himself start to get hot and bothered, but it feels wrong to indulge in your advances when you're not completely sober, so he grabs you bridal style and takes you to your room, laying you down in bed. Refuses to lay down with you, scared you might try to escalate the situation, simply sitting by your side until you doze off. He just doesn't want to do anything without having your full, sober consent.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Masky

Scuffs at you when he sees you drunk, jokingly calling you a lightweight (regardless of how much you drank to get into this state). Once you wrap your arms around his torso, your head resting on his chest as you look up at him and ask him to bend down a little, he looks at you suspiciously before complying. You immediately cup his face and kiss him, catching him extremely off guard. He still kisses back, tongue exploring your mouth, but is a little bit flushed after you pull away. If you keep caressing and touching him, he might just pin you against a wall. He's not the best at self control.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

This fucker was the one who suggested you two got drunk in the first place, he thought it'd be fun and he's a super heavyweight, so he was excited to see what kind of drunk you were. A few shots later and you're sitting on his lap, arms wrapped around him and his hand on your waist as you two make out. He's super eager with it too, smiling to himself while thinking about how much bolder you become while not sober. He moves you so that you can wrap your legs around his waist, deepening the kiss. He's more than willing to let things escalate.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jane The Killer

This poor woman gets so worried once you start drinking a bit too much - she told you it was probably a bad idea, but you insisted and now she's too worried to leave you alone, settling on babysitting you instead. She just kind of sits in a corner and watches you from afar until you approach her, cooing "Janey~" in a voice that made it obvious you were not in your right state of mind. She stands up and you throw yourself on her arms, kissing her messily. She's a little startled, but doesn't push you away and instead lets you continue, holding your waist to keep you close and steady. Doesn't really get too hot and bothered, but does find the sudden change in behavior amusing.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Lane The Lurker

They definitely wanted to drink with you, but like Brian, they're a bit of a heavyweight. A few shots in and they're still laughing and talking normally while you're barely able to walk, going up to them and sitting on their lap. Kind of stares at you in amusement, raised eyebrow and a smirk as they ask "Oh? What's this about, darling?", clearly enjoying the sudden attention. When you initiate a kiss, they're quick to escalate it to a makeout, exploring your mouth eagerly as their hands travel through your body. They're going to suggest you two drink together more often after this.

[hannsluvely]

Buggy Headcanons ˗ˏˋ꒰🍒꒱ˎˊ˗

★ — OPLA Buggy the Clown ♡

﹢he's the type of guy to follow the "i hate everyone but you" trope. the second he sees you, his heart lights up and he drops everything he's doing to go talk to you, even just for a moment. he could be heated, yelling at his crew, but when he sees you, he smiles and drops everything until you leave.

﹢he's a sucker for cuddles. absolutely loves them. if he's had a long and stressful day, he'll just fall on top of you and pass out. he loves to lay on you. his head on your chest as he rub his back or play with his hair. he definitely snores. not too loud but not quiet either. sometimes it'll get loud and you'll need to wake him up to get some decent sleep x)

﹢both a morning/night person. he goes to bed late and wakes up early. he doesn't get too much sleep because of how busy he is. sometimes the only time he gets with you is when you're both in me. if he's not deathly tired, he'll lay on his side with his head propped up on his hand as he listens to you talk about your day. your voice soothes him.

﹢he's very insecure. lowkey hates himself. his ego is forced and a facade for others so he can intimidate them. he hates his nose. he hates the subject being brought up in any conversation. when he was younger, before meeting shanks, he would wear a mask to hide his nose.

﹢i know everyone is like "buggy is a sex god and dominant and-" no. sorry. he is extremely insecure. it took him a while to show you who he really was. he lets himself unfold with you. he is himself with you. his true self.

﹢the crossbones on his forehead and upper cheek are tattooed on but he paints his face with makeup. his eyelashes are naturally long but he does wear falsies to accentuate it and make himself look more like a clown. his hair is naturally long but he tends to tuck and pin it back underneath the striped bandana.

﹢he likes things to be equal during sex. no top or bottom. as cringe as it may sound, he loves to call it 'love-making'. no fucking or hooking up - rather making love with one another. he worships you, especially in the bedroom. constant kisses and praise. loves doing all of the work, especially if you're stressed out. his favorite position is when you're both laying down on your sides and your holding each other while he makes love to you.

﹢he's a strict believer in taking care of you. pays for meals, surprises you with presents, doesn't want you working- he wants you to be completely comfortable and satisfied. someone as special like you should never even lift a finger. he has it all covered.

﹢loves to let you do his makeup. sometimes he'll be reading the newspaper while you're painting his eyes or lips. it's like he's an actor and you're his makeup artist. he can never get the lines as precise and as neat as you can. once you're finished, he gives you a kiss on your cheek, leaving a red mark. this happens every time.

﹢he's a goofy drunk, very humorous and silly. but as he sobers up, he becomes extremely clingy and doesn't let go of you.

﹢in the public eye, he acts very possessive of you, like he's the one in control. he always needs to be touching you. if you're apart, he'll send a hand your way and hold yours while he's busy. preferably his off-hand so he can still get some work done.

﹢people are scared of him for obvious reasons but when it's just the two of you, he's a big baby. sometimes he'll even use a certain voice whenever he talks to you. you tease him in public, telling others he's a completely different person when you two are alone. he laughs, calls you crazy, and plays it off.

﹢he loves no one more than he loves you.

﹢whenever he performs a show, he always gets you a seat up front. makes sure you can kick your feet up, your popcorn is always full, and you're enjoying yourself. whenever he pulls someone up on the set to help with one of his acts, you're almost always the person he picks.

﹢his favorite moments with you are when you're sitting on the deck of his ship, everyone else is asleep, and the two of you are counting the stars together and admiring one another.

﹢he loves to eat. if you two are eating together, he'll ask for the rest of yours and then some. messy eater, too.

﹢he's a great listener. loves to hear about your day.

﹢he loves to give you massages. just loves to pamper you, in general. your feet will be kicked up on his lap as he rubs them and you vent about your day or your laying on your back and he's above you, massaging your shoulders and hips.

﹢he just loves you. and he is a sweet and delicate man so treat him like one. he's the type of guy to sacrifice the world for you, not you for the world.

[tiredcreatur3]

hello! i was “quite” delulu last night because of how hot toji is 🥵 (yes, i am blaming it on toji)

so, i imagine dilf toji (duh) picking reader up from a night out with the girls and reader is drunk as fuck, not black out drunk tho. anw, so they get home and reader is just rambling and babbling on and on, and then she suddenly had just felt horny, just out of nowhere. so she asked toji to fuck her but toji was like “hell, nah. you’re drunk” and she kept on insisting but toji, the gentleman that he is, still said no. And so after a whole lots of arguing and reader whining and pleading toji to fuck her, toji still didn’t cave in and just decided to do reader’s skincare routine for her and yk get her changed into her comfy clothes. toji does her skincare blah blah blah and then afterwards he tells reader to start taking off her clothes as he picks out her pajamas and shit. Toji went into the big ass closet and started looking through her clothes. Once he found some clothes, he went out to the bedroom and saw her riding the pillow on the bed. toji didn’t do anything and just stood there, watching her. After she came, he went to her and help her to change into her pajamas (literally ignoring the fact that he just saw her getting herself off) and then he lulled her to sleep. The next morning, reader asks toji about what happened last night and toji went into detail about everything that happened the night before except for the whole riding the pillow on the bed part. He thought that it’d just be a little secret/special memory that he can keep lol. The end

i don’t know if this made sense but i hope you can make the most out of it. I’m sorry for my extremely bad storytelling skills (?) and bad grammar but if you will write about this, feel free to change anything about the story. This is somewhat fluffy/suggestive but if u want to turn it into smut, feel free to do so! I also am not sure if this will be sent to you but i truly hope you see this. Thank you so much and i love your writing for toji!!!! ❤️

thank you sweetheart, sounds like so much fun! :)

he wasn’t surprised to see you being held up by your girlfriends as he drove up to the club you were meeting up at, sighing softly as he stopped the car and got out, carefully picking you up and carrying you to the car, wishing the others to get home safely, ignoring the little snickers as he walked away with you giggling in his arms.

the drive home was surprisingly quiet, you being too busy staring at your lover, glossy eyes watching him as you just wanted to nuzzle up into him and fall asleep on top of him.

“i-i missed you, t-to.. ‘m so-sorry i got drunk.” you whispered out quietly, feeling a little bad now, knowing the older didn’t mind you going out and all but he hated seeing you like this, not even being able to hold yourself up. of course he got a little mad, worried that if your girlfriends were there, what would even happen to you.

“i missed you more, little girl. just got me worried.” he let out, pressing a small kiss to your forehead as he let you hold his hand, carefully rubbing his thumb across.

getting you home was also easy but then your lil chattery mood was turned on, telling him all about how nice it was, how much fun you had and telling him all the details about your friend’s love and sex lives which he really didn’t wanna hear but he could never say no to you.

“-‘nd she said w-we should try this toy ‘cause it f-feels really good..” you let out, humming quietly as you suddenly got all silent, staring at the male as he took your heels off, the older looking up at you.

“t-to.. i really want you.” you whispered, carefully lifting your skirt up and revealing your panties and the male immediately stood up and shook his head.

“baby not now, okay? you’re not sober. c’mere.” he said shortly before taking you into his arms, ignoring the little horny babbles of yours, knowing he had a really good self control and shit like fucking his partner while they’re wasted disgusted him. it just felt dirty and wrong.

he set you down on the bed, brushed your hair and did all the things you always did before going to bed, knowing you’d be oh so sad the next day, waking up with makeup smeared all over and tangled hair.

“i’m going to go get your clothes off the rack, yeah? ‘ll be right back.” he whispered, giving you a short kiss which left you all needy, longing for your boyfriend, the booze getting you all hazy and so oh so horny.

it took him a bit longer, finding the jammies so he eventually settled on panties and his shirt, knowing that was at the end of the what you loved to wear the most.

he walked back into the bedroom, wanting to let you know that he was going to change you into sleepwear now but.

oh.

seeing you all out of it and desperate, letting out little tired sighs and whimpers as you rode your pillow, still in your clothes, the male just speechless.

he didn’t say anything, partially because he didn’t know what to say and partially because he didn’t want you to stop. knowing his good little girl needed some release but the way he was raised and the way he felt like about doing things to others while they’re unresponsive, this was all he could do. just watch, watch you rub your poor little clit against the soft material, having caught you riding that pillow a few times before, assuming it felt really good so who was he to stop you?

he just wanted to sit down next to you, help you, praise you how good of a girl you were, how well you were doing, seeming oh so tired and yet your dumb needy cunt wouldn’t let you rest.

he waited for you to finish, licking his lips and swallowing once he could tell you were close, body getting all shaky, those little sounds dying down as you soon came, curling up into a little ball, eyes half lidded as you looked up to the male once he came to the bed, still in the denial that toji wasn’t there until then.

“i-i took care of it, t-to..” you hummed out quietly, spreading your legs and showing the male that pretty little pussy of yours, all wet and bright pink, having pushed your panties to the side for better friction, the cotton material all drenched from your juices.

“my good little girl.. i’m sorry, princess.” he said softly, kissing your forehead as he gently ran his thumb across your puffy clit before carefully taking your panties off and changing you into the shirt and fresh panties.

the next day, you couldn’t remember a damn thing, waking up on top of toji, in his shirt with your makeup off and hair brushed and put into a low bun as usual.

the male explained all the things that happened but deciding not to tell you what happened after, keeping that as a little memory for him whenever he feels like jerking off and all he has to do is just remember you humping your pillow and whimpering for him oh so sweetly.

[karaosaeki-fanboy]

Juuzou Headcanons!

I'll probably add to the list over time! I try to specify what's influenced by canon and what's fully my own! If you don't agree that's okay but I will not be arguing! Below the cut ! Mind the tags!

- Gay!

-He has DID, mostly fragmented. Rei is an alter. He is shown in canon to talk to Rei.

↪️ He was trafficked both as a scrapper as sexually. Rei formed to take on the sexual abuse. "Scrapper" took on most of the violence, as shown in juuzous birthday poem Ishida wrote, he is not fond of violence and was conditioned into it.

↪️ Big Madam would assault him (she canonically fondles him, it can be implied often), and would "rent" him out to both men and women. If a woman were to hit on him, be creepy, or grope him, it causes him to panic. Anything more the a platonic or Materal relationship is far too much for him. (I am NOT saying being abused by men was "easier" because he's gay. I'm saying as someone abused by both, getting assaulted by a gender you're not even attracted to fucks with you in a different way.)

↪️ There are porno videos of him out on the internet, not mainstream. He isn't aware of how many. And he has amnesia towards soem of the more extreme things he was put through.

- I either go with him being castrated (removal of testicles, leaving the penis, infertile, implied to be canon) or with my headcanon of him being intersex and would've been infertile anyways. Big Madam still has various surgeries preform on his genitals.

↪️ Uses strictly He/Him pronouns. Rei also only uses He/Him but is reffered to as She/Her by Big Madam. Juuzou will someone times use "we" or "us" as he talks about himself, rei and scrapper. (Cis or intersex identifying as a man)

- He canonically refers to Big Madam as "Mama" and "Papa" (i believe anyways). Mama would call and treat him as a girl, use violence and sexual violence against him. He'd call her Papa if she was being calm, gentls and loving you him, and allowing him to just be a boy.

- He has trauma responses that revolve around his bio parents. He remembers NOTHING about them and dies not even think of them. However certain things can trigger an overwhelming sadness, separation anxiety, ect, and not know where it comes from.

- It's implied in canon he cannot read. Though he did canonically go back to the academy to graduate on his own as he felt embrassed over it - i belive he is more intelligent than the audience is supposed to know. He's extremely observant through out canon. So while I believe he cannot read nor write more than his name or very basic sentences, nor do basic math. He was able to study with audio books, a scribe, and giving his exams and tests all orally. He can be naive, and he was sheltered/neglected - but he is not stupid.

↪️ Autistic, Dyslexic, Dyscalculic,

-Tokage canonically blames animal killings on Juuzou. I headcanon he targets juuzou through out his time at the academy and assaults him on multiple occasions.

- He self harm as a form of control, as well as a release. Despite not being able to feel pain, blades against his skin is comforting. He's abel to feel everything without pain disrupting it. He never goes too deep. But fi scars start to fade too much, it puts him on edge and he has to "replace them"

- He is anorexic. Intentionally so. Also as a form of control. Focusing mainly on sweets and snacks, while avoiding meals. He will not allow himself to get above a certain weight. Shinohara tries to monitor it, and he does okay up until Shinohara is comatose, and triggers him to get worse again.

- Likes to drink. Light weight but can hold his alcohol well. (This is FULLY my headcanon. Canonically, he's sober because he's saving his first drink to be with Shinohara. Which i really enjoy and think is cute!) Drugs and alcohol was also used in his grooming while being trafficked.

-Age regresses but also just generally likes cartoons and activities like coloring. He never got to as a kid and it's relaxing. He also has a large music library he started to obtain after Shinohara set up a for him to browse and download music or takes him to get CD's. He enjoys vintage toys and stuffed animals.

-He likes to see his own stuffed animals and plushies, including splicing them together to create new creatures.

↪️ Akira will go to Juuzou to get him to mend any clothing that has holes in them.

[strengthofmayhem]

Talk more about Cordelia? 🥺 I've had her for 5 seconds but I already want to protect her.

tw for sa while drunk & also longer post below the cut //

cordelia is dante’s daughter, conceived in the aftermath of dmc1. dante got blackout wasted at a bar (he was feeling Extremely Bad and still avoiding completely falling apart around trish who was his roommate at the time) around cordelia’s mother— who was, at the time, also drunk though substantially less then dante (sober enough to have known better objectively even if her decision making was also impaired). and also married. dante has something of an idea of what happened afterwards but no active memory of it due to the fact that he was blackout and to be honest he just didn’t want to think about it particularly hard. so he doesn’t. into the box with the rest of the terrible things that have ever happened to him.

cordelia (not the name she was born with, actually, dante coined that) being “albino” stopped holding as much water as an excuse for her looking literally nothing at all like her mothers husband as time went on. she takes pretty heavily after dante physically… like all the sparda’s do. lol.

anyway the fact that everyone in this household (except for cordelia’s older half brother, who honestly had no clue) was avoiding acknowledging that she’s the child of an affair (which implies more participation then dante actually had in it but like. well you know) was NOT helped by the fact that she’s autistic with higher needs that they were completely uninterested in accommodating.

she’s semi nonverbal and while she’s capable of talking when she doesn’t feel pressured or overwhelmed she still usually doesn’t. dante doesn’t pressure her about it. she appreciates this. like she appreciates most of the things dante just sort of accepts without making a production out of, like her meltdowns when she’s overstimulated & stimming & general… everything.

she’s obsessed with puzzles and board games and treats cheesy romance novels like they’re extremely serious business and also like she’s a powerscaling shounen fan on anime twitter, which patty finds absolutely insufferable. like who caaaares if love interest one could beat the shit out of love interest two it’s about ROMANCE!!!!! RAHHHHH. her primary weapon type is a rapier but she also has an natural talent towards infusing her demonic energy into objects— she can make toy guns shoot real (magic) bullets. it’s objectively pretty impressive but unlike dante or nero she can’t really integrate other sources of demonic power “into herself” very well. using devil arms is very difficult for her (even one she’s subjugated herself).

anyway. cordelia’s parents sort of transparently hated everything about her for normal human mundane reasons completely out of her own control. she was never capable of being anything other then what she was and never understood what it was about her that made her so terrible to them— it made her extremely withdrawn and anxious. her half brother is about ten years older then her, and they were never close for a variety of reasons— he was just too old to properly bond with her, the very uncomfortable tension in the house that was just kind of easier to pin on her, the fact that he thought she was annoying (especially bc as the older brother he was often made to ‘babysit’ her).

so that was her life up until she was like, eight or nine.

she awoke to her demonic power (a partial devil trigger, her equivalent of nero’s devil bringer) as a self defense mechanism during a meltdown (while her brother was away at college). her partial trigger takes the form of insectoid ‘wings’— at the moment she still isn’t capable of sustained flight but as she grows older the amount of time she can “hover” and how high she can boost her jumps with them steadily rises. like nero’s devil bringer, she can’t make them go away. they’re bulky (they largely resemble sparda’s wings from dmc1) and make being out in normal human society pretty difficult— she has to wear heavy jackets and cloaks if she wants to pass as human.

her parents freaked out and decided she was possessed. chased out of her home, terrified, and abruptly very tasty smelling to demons, cordelia spent most of the next year homeless & narrowly skating out of bad situations until chance (and the demon activity that had begun to haunt her) finally brought her and dante together (not long after DMC4 to dante). her half brother isn’t aware of any of this, actually— he went no contact with his parents after coming back from college to an insane story about his baby sister being a demon. he pretty much thinks she’s dead after the first year and deeply regrets how he treated her growing up but well it was too late for regrets.

dante…. handled this nightmare of a situation about as well as you could expect him too. he knows she’s his— he can feel it in his blood, and unlike nero there is no chance in hell she’s vergils (he can’t father children if he’s dead). he definitely didn’t have a sex life at any time that makes sense, but… if she’s about that old then the math works out to when…. he was finding himself in situations where… [shudders in disgust and slams the box shut again]. he doesn’t want to think ill of his… daughters (😬) mother, anyway— who he thinks is dead?

the thing about the whole situation is that cordelia didn’t even talk to dante for months after she moves in with him and certainly didn’t find other way to communicate her life’s story. she doesn’t want to talk about it. she doesn’t want to think about it. she doesn’t even tell dante what her name is— “cordelia” is a name dante gave her when he decided he couldn’t keep calling her “girl”. dante filled in the blanks of her missing life’s story with his own self projection. he doesn’t think she was abandoned, he thinks she was orphaned. however uncomfortable the circumstances of her conception makes him to think about, he still assumes that prior to whatever happened that left her on the streets cordelia was loved by somebody. bc of this misunderstanding he kind of underestimates the depths of her massive abandonment issues. ah…. lol. i want it to be a thing where dante feels like he makes “normal people” unsafe by being around them, but cordelia was made unsafe by “normal people”, for “normal” reasons— all the things that made her unloved growing up had absolutely nothing to do with her demonic heritage.

Anyway. she loves dante more then anyone in the world even when he slips on his face and backslides— he’s trying very very hard to shape up but sometimes the electricity still doesn’t get paid or the water shuts off or he turns back to the bottom of a bottle after a particularly bad day. she’s very determined to be somebody dante doesn’t want to abandon, but as time passes she opens up to him more & becomes less afraid of it.

her presence in his life also makes dante reconsider the distance he put between himself and nero, not because he thinks he’s a good or safe person to be around b it bc i think he wants cordelia to have family. that’s like, a whole mess though. patty likes being an older sister very much lol— she’s got, like, four years on cordy.

[gnashingwailing]

GIRL (gender neutral) HELP NOT THE PEER REVIEWED HOMOPHOBIA

@fireflywritesgt sending u my ch 24/25 thoughts <3

⬆️How Harry looks processing how upset he is that Joe nearly died in a lake while lovingly making him tea for his hangover

Meanwhile, Joe: I hope sober Joe knows how to deal with this Sober Joe:

First off. this is primarily a reflection on Joe & Harry throughout these last two chapters but I would be remiss not to mention how EXTREMELY fed I am by the Gutters lore ... was HE a pet or was it someone he cared for... either way... woof. Plus Calloway coming to Joe's rescue once again... even though there are now rumors and Gutters saw something. In parallel with the marking scene ... this story does such a great job of balancing the horror with the levity. maybe it's for the best Joe isn't telling Harry the particulars of his visiting Calloway's bcuz Harry might just have a heart attack if he stops and thinks through the implications of all this. Wonder if he realizes how much danger he might have put Joe in... he seems to kinda forgor everything else where saving/supporting Joe is concerned (as seen in ch21 when he wanted to bring Joe to see O'Grady...)

(Btw I love the way (sober) Joe will NEVER admit anything re: Harry saving his life lol. “You just threw me into a curtain 🙄“ “I don’t even remember the turtle 🙄”)

“He knew what the medical journals had to say about homosexuals; hell, he had read them! He had to give himself some credit, however. The little bastard had been drunk as a skunk, lying helplessly in his hand, and the worst Harry had done was march him straight upstairs to tuck him into bed. Whatever pathology Harry himself had, it had not gotten the best of him yet.”

GIRL (gn) HELP NOT THE PEER-REVIEWED INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA… The Harry chapters always hit soooo hard for me when you read between the lines of what he’s thinking. He is SUCH a poor little guy… We can see pretty clearly that Harry thinks of his affections as something poisonous but Also apparently as something predatory? “his pathology” “getting the best of him” being like… what? That he’d take advantage of him because he’s attracted to him ? Is that the kind of thing the research said? UGH IT BREAKS MY HEART. I hope he’ll reject his coping mechanism of rationalizing and dissecting everything and just let go and trust Joe to know what he wants! It would be really tragic if Harry tried rejecting Joe much the same way Georgie rejected him :’(

“Harry, though he hated to admit it, was afraid – not of Joe himself, but what Joe represented.” - OUUUUUGHHH THE PARALLELS… the way Joe thought the exact same thing after the night of the thunderstorm… ouuuuughhhhh save meeee...

And the parallels continue in their tendency to self-harm… Joe may be more overt about it (lol if Harry ever learns that Joe has purposefully eaten poisoned chocolate three. times. and fully thought he was doing it a 4th with Harry’s own offering … #girl…) but Harry’s absolute repression of any self-expression or vulnerability is equally a form of self-harm… questioning Joe’s ability to make his own decisions is such a sad expression of how Harry (maybe unconsciously?) views things — safety and staying alive is worth more than authenticity. Maybe he won’t stick Joe in a cage anymore but he still wants to exert control over him — in the relatable way many of us do when we feel like our loved ones are making bad decisions. And Joe is making some of those! But so does everyone! And in Joe’s case the worst of them are likely driven from years of internalized self-loathing and self-neglect !! He would probably chill out if he just had a good man waiting for him at home……. Taking Harry by the shoulders and shaking him. U are both two sides of the same coin

Except

“Unseasoned. The word crept back into Joe’s mind. Calloway had a point, he realized; Harry wasn’t acting all that different from some of the lesser-experienced boys of Joe’s own size that he had toyed with. Surely, though, Harry didn’t find Joe attractive. That would be absurd!” Holy shit this whole chapter is so good but this part is hysterical. 1. TOYED WITH⁉️ 2. Watching Harry’s brain overheat in real time while 3. Joe getting to enjoy flirting shamelessly (clapping and hollering that he got to do that AND got to be sober to remember it) WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY BEING LIKE 🤨 there’s no way he finds me attractive tho. How do they both manage to be such conniving little bastards and also so innocent. So clever and yet soooo dumb. 💕

But even tho he’s somewhat in disbelief about how Harry feels about him, Joe knows himself so very well lmao. At first I thought he was lying about not remembering their conversation but. I don’t think so. Harry telling him he said “something very nice” to him and Joe being like. Was it that you had a nice ass. LIKE HE WAS THIS 🤏 CLOSE TO THE MARK BDDJSHHD but ALSO even just calling Harry handsome made him a blushing mess!! It fascinates me that Harry is so terrified of receiving affection but he felt much more at ease when he was giving it. I mean, he was calling Joe handsome two chapters ago‼️ I think Joe can be forgiven for his romance-novel-brain idealizing Harry as a seductor. It says something interesting about Harry’s character that he’s been so comfortable complimenting Joe until it might lead somewhere … Is that open, easygoing kindness, the sort that compliments other men readily, the ‘real’ Harry? Was Joe seeing his unvarnished personality before it got hidden under the internalized homophobia that has come out in force since ch22? I get the sense Harry is just the sort of guy whose true feelings sometimes spill out of him in a way he is barely cognizant of. We know that’s true for his anger, but I could see that being true for his affection, too. I’m guessing that is why his internal monologue goes “wow! He’s like a movie star :) and he’s so brave and cool and I respect him so much. He looks like a dancer. And his clothes look so good on him. And I notice his haircut and whether he’s getting enough sleep and every scratch and scrape and other intricacy of his appearance immediately. Yeah, I can’t help but love him - you know - like a brother or a friend!!” 👈 UNSEASONED

"“So you admit it. I’m up here because I manipulated you, and not because you manipulated me.” Joe said." — omfg. On the one hand, I love that these two are so good at unhanding each other, and it’s very cute to me that they’ve both at different points felt proud for “catching” one another. On the other hand, Harry & Joe when they are tasked with cultivating a mutually nurturing and vulnerable relationship:

WHAT IF NEITHER OF YOU ARE MANIPULATING THE OTHER AND DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU LIKE ONE ANOTHER AND YOU’RE BOTH CHOOSING THE UNKNOWN. WHAT IF THAT WASNT BEYOND BOTH UR KEN RN. What then. One day they will quit playing Tom and Jerry-esque mind games with each other but not today. I know the rituals are intricate. I know. I know they’re intricate 😔😔😔

On a lighter note so glad to see Joe’s other go-to behavior is back. If he doesn’t wanna Just Walk Out then he wants to Fuck Around & Find Out <3 I luv how compatible the two of them are… Joe is not only moving in he's turning Harry into the u-haul service and Harry is just enamored with him for it. Faithful hunting dog retrieving game indeed. Submissive in the way a livestock guardian dog is submissive to its sheep. 10/10 Joe got his ass so good.

"“I’m sure you[‘ll listen to me]. You have to. If I’m gonna be the tiny, then it means you have to be the giant and do everything I say all the time.” He said." — Hmm. Joe and I have the same g/t fics bookmarked I think 👍 I sort of get the same sense that Harry got when Joe was talking about “luck” — that maybe the idea of “being the tiny” vs “being the giant” has some cultural connotations for him we don’t quite grasp.

OH this reminds me of the question I meant to ask you and promptly forgot about. If miniatures have a taboo against taking things without giving something in return… what does it feel like for Joe when Harry just keeps giving him stuff? Does “paying me in sleep” really work in borrower cultural norms? Hazarding a guess, I’m assuming romantic partners don’t necessarily operate on the same principle of equivalent exchange… given “Joe’s got a rich boyfriend that’s spoiling him” being something Calloway reads as normal/expected … That is to say. Hmm. Is Harry giving Joe all these things something that a romantic suitor would do? 🤔 Harry the unknowing seductor…

Parting thoughts… Miss Wilkins’ dad suddenly came down with tuberculosis, huh. Gang, do we know how Harry’s mom died, other than that it was sudden and traumatic? How do we think Harry is doing re: pushing all his feelings & unprocessed trauma down at this time. 👍/👎?

[m-le]

As someone who has watched a few Arthurian adaptations, I was immediately intrigued by „Gwen & Art are not in love“ by Lex Croucher.

I mean ur telling me we get the Arthurian myths in combination with a medieval queer love story ?!

Even though I nowadays tend to have problems starting printed literature this one flew by and I finished reading in the span of a day and a bit.

To start not only is the story great but I’m also a big fan of the cover art <3

We get not only the exploration of the queer love stories between Gwen & Bridget and Art & Gabriel but also growing Friendships and some battle action fitting for the Middle Ages.

Next to the fighting it does also have some minor alcohol abuse and partly deals with death. And since it’s the Middle Ages and people just love hating other people, the mentions of queerness etc are not always positive.

Im personally a big fan of how all the relationships evolve and the people change :)

Spoilers for the plot of the book!

Little rant from me :|

Although it was a great read and I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, I must admit that the typical plot of:

character a either did something accidentally wrong or is said to have done something wrong (although that’s false) and character b immediately believing that and now judging/having a grudge against/hating character a. Which then only confuses character a who doesn’t get any information from anyone around them to what they’re said to have done wrong and is jsut lost and hurt. Especially after things are jsut starting to look right between the characters.

It’s not that it is that unbelievable that it happens (it’s here and there) but more that sometimes it just annuls like every character growth the two or more characters had together and after there is never really a apology or an acknowledgment of this being hurtful to character a, since it jsut confirms taht character b would be easily able to believe this about character a. And my biggest fight with this trope is that the friend of always tend to just side with character b although they’re often both they’re friends or even character a‘s friends.

Luckily it’s not that big of a part on the book but it tends to really ick me when reading something which is really great.

Personally I just loved how Arthur helped both siblings more or less take some responsibility and self control for their own desires and life wishes. It was interesting to see the differences in how they acted around being queer, since they were raised very similar but oh so different.

Also just some special mention of my boy Sidney: he’s not only the most loyal person in the story but also is just a really amazing best friend to Arthur all while he also has his own little love story :)

It may be extremely simple but I loves the conversation Art and Sidney had about the pendant („it’s cold and black jsut like my heart“ „no, your heart is soft and yellow, like marzipan“😭)

Some other favourites of mine: we have a map of Camelot :), Bridget’s witch friend, the court magician, Excalibur nine 🙂‍↕️, everyone in the castle thinking Gwen and art were getting intimate, Gabriel’s more or less obsession with birds, background gay King Arthur/Lancelot, Agnes <3

Sometimes it was really frustrating how oblivious and sheltered Gwen was but seeing that she had not had any friends (not sure if it was explained) and also did not leave the castle, it seems realistic enough that she turned out like this. Still hard to read at a few instances. But I could definitely see how she and Gabriel are siblings as they both are really afraid of dancing out of line.

Also Arthur definitely had enough self loathing and alcohol issues for the both of them. Like, my guy, when are u sober. And also they both were immature when they were younger since they’re were children (duh) but also like how should gwen have known taht ur dad is a fcking ass (just my opinion )

I definitely do love all of the main cast so that is not meant to bash any one of them. They’re just realistic and all have flaws (although I’m not sure about Bridget she is pretty perfect :3 only female knight, noble ladies tend to fall in love with her, strong and capable, knows her boundaries (especially with not wanting to be treated like a secondary thought by her lovers)and she wields Excalibur nine) and good features. :)

Not always the biggest fan of open endings but I think here it does work well although I would have loved to see the speech and followed reaction 🤷🏻 maybe we would have seen Merlin and Morgana get back from their sabbatical hm

Spoiler ending here!

So I know it sounds negative at a few instances but do read the book it’s great. I think it’s a very easily enjoyable story that really pulls u in and makes u feel as part of the group. :))

Thsi is not eloquent or the best review in any way just me somehow bringing my feelings and thoughts to screen :) 🪼🪻

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Rereading Emma, I’m noticing the degree to which it includes an inversion of Sense and Sensibility: in both of them, a young man is in a secret engagement with a poor woman of whom his family would strongly disapprove, but he appears to have fallen in love with another young lady whom he met after the start of the engagement. In both of them, the woman he is engaged to notices this other attachment.

The contrast is in the utterly different personalities of Jane Fairfax and Emma relative to Lucy Steele and Elinor. Lucy is posessive and feigns friendship with Elinor in order to taunt and watch her, whereas Jane is distant from Emma and would rather break the engagement than have him marry her out of obligation. In personality, the compare-and-contrast effect is heightened by Jane Fairfax and Elinor Dashwood - in opposite positions in the real or supposed triangles - having extremely similar personalities: reserved, polite, self-controlled, valuing morals and good behaviour over personal comfort, and willing to bear patiently with difficulties.

Emma, however, behaves extremely badly by Jane in spreading (if only to Frank) the groundless speculation of a romantic connection between Jane and Jane’s friend’s husband. In addition to this being extremely insulting in particular to a woman like Jane with very high moral standards, Emma (not knowing of the engagement) is under the impression that Jane is going to be a governess, and being suspected of such a thing, if it got spread around by gossip, could be extremely destructive to Jane’s job prospects. Though Emma has no real malice, one could easily see Jane feeling similar about her to how Elinor feels about Lucy.

The other contrast with S&S, of course, is that neither Emma nor Frank is either in love with each other; they just have a lively friendship and enjoy other people shipping them (Frank to conceal his actual engagement; Emma for reasons of vanity and because he’s really the only person who’s both socially eligible and close to her age that she’s ever met in her limited social circle).

The other thing that stands out is that, relative to Austen’s other novels, Emma is much more of a sitcom. Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, and Persuasion all have comparatively linear narratives revolving around 1-3 relationships involving the main characters. Emma’s much more episodic, without either Emma or Mr. Knightley realizing their feelings until later in the book, and with very low stakes for both of them through most of the book. Austen’s novels seem to alternate in this way. Northanger Abbey (written first, but not published at the time) satirizes popular melodramatic novels, and so to a lesser degree does Sense & Sensibility. The lighter and wittier Pride & Prejudice is followed by the more serious and sober Mansfield Park, which is clearly in conversation with P&P with the strong parallels and contrasts between the two in characters, relationships, and scenes. Then the lighter and more comedic Emma follows the more serious MP, and is in term followed by the more serious and dramatic Persuasion. This feels deliberate on Austen’s part, and would have given her contemporary readers a good amount of variety.

Emma’s an interesting character in that, while her flaws (mainly her snobbishness towards the Martins and how manipulative she is regarding Harriet’s interactions with them, as well as her bad behaviour to Jane) do bother me more than any of Austen’s other protagonists, she also has virtues I couldn’t imagine having (her father is so aggravating, and she’s so patient and tactful and good at understanding how to manage his interactions with guests in a way that is comfortable for everyone). Really, despite very different social classes, Mr. Woodhouse and Miss Bates are notably similar in being very kind and well-meaning but also very irritating, and taking a long time to say very little. I feel like that may be an intentional parallel.

My sympathies in the book (apart from Jane Fairfax and Mr. Knightley) are most with Mr. John Knightley, Isabella’s husband, and if I were in the book he’s probably the one I would most enjoy spending time with. I too would get annoyed sometimes with many of these people! I too weary of meaningless small talk and local gossip! I could happily accept a little occasional ill-humour from him in exchange for the rare blessing of thirty minutes’ rational conversation.

[cynicallarrie]

One of Louis issues is that he lost the one person who's advice and authority he respected ... his mother ... and nobody else has come forward to take that role. He's surrounded by sycophantic types like Oli who are on his pay roll and just join in with the partying. I'm still kind of a Larrie but I don't think Harry has much influence over his drinking either. Louis probably screams back that Harry does coke and mushrooms. Difference is that Harry is sober when he's performing and sober when he's cycling around London on the godforsaken Lime bike, we occasionally see Harry obviously intoxicated whereas with Louis we rarely see him sober.

I don't think Harry is completely sober while performing lol. Just not as drunk or high as Louis is.

Louis, imo, never had a proper father figure in his life. His stepdad came into his life when he was, what, seven? It may have been sooner, but I don't know. Either way, they're obviously not close. Louis used to call him "dad" but now refers to him as "Mark," which is a strange thing to do if your stepdad has taken you in as and sees you as his son. I'm pretty sure he even adopted him! That's why Louis took the name "Tomlinson," of which he's still proud for some reason.

Mark must have issues with Louis as well considering he refuses to mention Freddie and only talks about his "two grandkids." He even has his daughters' names all tattooed on his arms, yet Louis's name is nowhere to be found.

I don't know whether this falling out was due to Mark's and Jay's divorce either because, in a video from ~2011, Louis says "my mom and dad are getting a divorce," which indicates that he still saw Mark as his dad at that time. Although, if I'm being honest, I don't think Louis ever really saw Mark as his dad in the first place but that he was just calling him "dad" as some kind of sign of respect; maybe he was desperate for Mark to be a father to him, or maybe Louis's mom wanted him to call Mark "dad."

He had Simon Cowell, and though Simon was a bad influence when it came to smoking, he did discourage Louis from drinking too much before a show. Louis seemed to take that lesson to heart according to a few interviews but has relapsed. I don't know what's since happened between them because Louis used to be the only one who followed Simon on instagram, but it seems all the 1D guys have unfollowed him after the Diary of a CEO interview. A lot of people think Louis has always hated Simon, but the truth is that they are (or were) close. You hear what they've said about each other and their relationship and you watch them on X-Factor and you can see they're close, and they're even very alike (as Louis himself has admitted), though most louies and larries would never agree with that.

So yeah. Louis is practically on his own now.

I think that, no matter how old you get, you need your parents or people in your life to help you stay on track. You never turn a certain age and just magically have full self-control, but you do have to accept responsibility for whatever you do or don't do.

Harry also has his own daddy issues, but at least he has a good number of older colleagues and supervisors who are, in a way, "responsible" for him. It might be to a point where it's on the other end of an extreme though. Like, I really think he's been babied his whole life. Maybe his daddy issues are why he's so drawn to much older people, especially men. Louis seems to be this way too, but they just let him drink and smoke all day. I'm sure Harry's older friends as well are the ones who got him into coke and shrooms.

[loneberry]

Notes on Palestine

The geopolitical situation right now is extremely unstable. In such moments it always feels like incentive structures are such that all parties are pushed toward war and escalation. I saw how this all unfolded with 9/11; it left an indelible mark on my psyche–to observe the world careening, the hysteria, the march toward endless war. The Iran hawks in the US are out calling for war with Iran (US intelligence and even the IDF have said Iran did not help *plan* the Hamas attacks, though the idea that Iran was behind the attacks is being presented as fact). 

Days before the Hamas attacks, I was in an article + podcast rabbit hole focused on Iranian nuclear politics, Saudi-Israeli relations, and the current situation in the “Middle East” (I prefer the term “South West Asia and North Africa”/SWANA but will use “Middle East” for readability). I had also been reading that the US’s attempts to broker a US-Saudi-Israeli deal would piss off the Palestinians. It filled me with immense grief—nobody, not even Muslim Arabs, seem to care about Palestinians anymore. The international community has failed. Now it seems that the world has consented to a protracted genocide of Palestinians. It used to be the case that Arab countries would not considered normalizing relations with Israel without Israel making concessions to the Palestinians. The sad reality is that since the Arab Spring, the resolution of the Palestinian issue has become a low priority for many countries in the Middle East, many of whom have their own feud with Iran and see pivoting toward Israel as a path toward greater security. Of course I’m talking about the Abraham Accords, the so-called “peace deal” brokered by the Trump administration that enabled the normalization of relations between Israel, the UAE, and Bahrain, yet excluded any input from Palestinians. That event had brought me so much grief. It really felt like any hope for the Palestinian cause was dying. There seems to be little political will from any side to put pressure on Israel.

In moments of crisis like these I try to be sober and pedagogical, but such a task feels nearly impossible when it comes to the “Israeli-Palestinian conflict”. People say the conflict is “complicated” and rooted in hundreds of years of religious hatred. It is really not that complicated and only requires basic knowledge of 20th century history. Prior to WWI, the territory of Palestine (and much of the Arab world) was under the rule of the Ottoman Empire for over 400 years. The Allied Powers (Britain, France, Russia, and others) were at war with the Central Powers (Germany, Austro-Hungary, the Ottomans, etc). The Brits saw Palestine as a crown jewel and coveted Jerusalem in particular. They recruited Arab assistance in the war by whipping up hundreds of years of resentment against the Ottomans and promising the Arabs that they would break up the Ottoman Empire and help the Arabs create their own nations (see theMcMahon-Hussein correspondence). Yet the Brits were also keen on recruiting Jewish support on the side of the Allied Powers. In 1917 the British government made a declaration (the Balfour Declaration) that announced British support for the creation of a national home for the Jewish people in Palestine. At the end of WWI (which, as you likely know, ended in Allied success), the European empires on the winning side sought to expand their empires while Woodrow Wilson believed more in self-determination. The compromise was the “mandate” system, where the Europeans on the winning side took administrative control of territories lost by the Central Powers—France and Britain carved up the Middle East. Enter the British mandate for Palestine. The Arabs had been betrayed by the Allied Europeans (no surprise there). One form of colonial rule was swapped for another. 

Prior to the end of WWI, the Zionist movement was gaining momentum, partly as an answer to the perennial problem of European anti-Semitism and partly because of the 19th/early-20th century discourse around nationalism. The idea of creating a Jewish state in Palestine began in the 19th century, but it was really in the 1890s that modern political Zionism began with the figure of Theodor Herzl. European Jews began to immigrate to Palestine to form settlements. Yet when the mandate was established, the Jewish population was still relatively small—around 9%. While the territory was under British rule, the Brits facilitated a dramatic increase in European Jewish immigration to Palestine. Between 1922 and 1935, the portion of the population that was Jewish grew to 27%. It’s hardly surprising that violence broke out between Arabs and Jews, as well as Arabs and the Brits (see the Arab Revolt of 1936-39). 

The Brits promised a territory to an oppressed people (the Jews) that was never theirs to give away in the first place. The Arabs were quickly being displaced from their home. All of this would come to a head in WWII, when Europe’s vile anti-Semitism was on full display with the Holocaust. How would Europe atone for the atrocities committed against the Jews? There was much momentum around creating a physical state for the Jews in Palestine. This was also a convenient solution for deeply anti-Semitic Europe, as they preferred that the Jews leave rather than be integrated into their societies. In 1947 the UN voted to partition Palestine into a Jewish state and an Arab state, with Jerusalem coming under international administration. 13 voted against the partition (basically all the countries in the Middle East, plus India and several others). 55% of the land would be set aside for the Jews. War broke out soon after the UN resolution. The (WWII) battle-hardened Zionist paramilitaries (backed by European countries) undertook a campaign of ethnic cleansing and captured additional territory. Between 1947-49, 750,000 Palestinians became refugees—around 40% of the entire Palestinian population. 78% of historic Palestine was taken by Zionist forces. This is the event of settler violence and ethnic cleansing that Palestinians refer to as the Nakba (or catastrophe). 

There is so much obfuscation about the roots of the Israel-Palestine conflict. What ultimately happened: Europe decided it wanted to create a nation for Jews. It picked the territory of Palestine for this project (other territories were also considered) because the Brits controlled the territory and because of its religious significance. There were already people who lived on the land that was to be used to create a Jewish state. Now Palestinians are stateless and live under a brutal military occupation (the West Bank) and even more punishing blockade (Gaza)—or as refugees. Palestinians were ultimately made to suffer for the sins of European anti-Semitism. 

*

There is a lot more I can say here, about the history of the Cold War and how it relates to the US’s alliance with Israel, about internecine conflicts in Palestinian politics (the split between Hamas and the PLO/Palestinian Authority), about the current geopolitical situation, about contemporary domestic politics in Israel (which currently has the most right-wing govt in Israel’s history) and the Hamas attacks themselves. I see friends gleefully posting about the murder of Israeli civilians. I just can’t get on board with that. Neither can I get on board with Israel bombing hospitals and shelters in Gaza, or calling Palestinians “animals.” All life is sacred, all life is grievable. (People are right to point out that most of the world does not grieve the loss of Palestinian life.)

Events do have a context. Gaza is one of the most unlivable places on the planet. Around 67% of Gaza's population are refugees displaced during the Nakba. It has been under a brutal blockade for 16 years. It’s the 3rd most densely populated place on the planet—over 2.1 million people are crammed into a space half the size of London. The residents have been deprived of electricity, clean drinking water, medical supplies, and food. Nearly half of residents are unemployed and civilians have died by thousands under Israeli bombings (6,407 Palestinians have been killed since 2008). It is referred to as an “open air prison” because the residents are literally hemmed in by a high-tech fence. Given these dire conditions, an eruption of violence did seem almost inevitable. 

What I fear: a ground invasion of Gaza. A broader conflagration involving Lebanon and Iran, and potentially the rest of the world. The US going to war with Iran. If the world genuinely wishes to see the end of the “cycle of violence,” Palestinians must be free. Any attempt to bring about “regional security�� while ignoring the Palestinian situation is destined to fail.

[suuez]

POV: Having controlling Parents

• You can't go out. Why? Because simply you can't, now stay in home all day doing nothing and degradating your mental health while everyone is out

• Everyone have cool stories about their adventures, and all you have is "Once I went to the market alone... AT 7PM!!!"

• You tend to try achieve perfection, and when you do your best and isn't enough, you punish yourself over and over again

• You don't even know what you like to do anymore, because every activity you enjoy doing your parents simply take it out of you, and when they don't, they complain over and over about it, but you can't let it go because it's one of the few things you enjoy still

• You daydream constantly about having a romance, going out to do simple things or having actual friends

• You never heard an apology from them, maybe once when they were drunk, but never sober

• You suffer from extreme low self-esteem and wonders if the world would be a better place if you simply vanished

• You hide your interests from your parents the best you can, and those tiny things keep you alive

• You imagine how it will be in 3 - 5 years, how freedom will taste, how you will finally do the things you always wanted to! But...

• But you also worry how much lost you will be and if you're going to feel something. You fear all those years of abuse have made you feel absolutely nothing, you fear all those years will make you be another person with nothing inside, someone shallow.

• You probably write stories with characters who 1) suffer from the same/worse than you or 2) are living their better lives out there

• They dare to take out of you the tiny things you have, going from objects to things you like doing/will be doing

• DON'T. EVER. QUESTION. OR. RESPOND. THEM. DON'T. EVER. NEVER. EVER.

• Do as you're told, even if you're extremely tired

• You're tired emotionally normally. You even feel suicidal

• They HATE your friends/partner

• I know how tough this may be... But for me and for you... We must never give up ourselves. We will get away from that and I have faith we will live in a place with wonderful stuff, I will finally be able to learn skateboarding, you will be free and we'll be watching the sunset somewhere... I believe that.

[adamwatchesmovies]

Jojo Rabbit (2019)

Jojo Rabbit walks a delicate line. One scene is laugh-out-loud, darkly comedic. The next is soul-crushing. When you look at it on paper, it shouldn’t work. On the screen, it’s memorable, tender, hilarious and insightful - a picture like none other. There are some who will find it tasteless but for the rest, it's one you'll be compelled to revisit.

In the final years of WWII, Ten-year-old Johannes “Jojo” Betzler (Roman Griffin Davis) dreams of serving in Nazi Germany's army like his absent father. While at Hitler Youth Camp, Jojo follows the advice of his imaginary best friend, a child’s rendition of Adolf Hitler (Taika Waititi). After an accident cripples him, he is sent back home. There, he discovers his mother (Scarlett Johansson) is harbouring a Jewish teenaged girl (Thomasin McKenzie).

This film excels at exposing the hypocrisy of the propaganda necessary to keep the Nazi machine (and similar systems) going. Jojo is only a child and even he has difficulty understanding how Elsa can be a demonic creature with horns and wings that drinks blood and can mind control good German boys, is cripplingly fascinated with shiny things and also an enemy the Nazis will easily eliminate. To him, she looks just like a normal girl. None of the interactions they have confirm her as dangerous.

The characters of Elsa, Jojo and his mother are all played relatively straight. Everyone else is a living contradiction. Rebel Wilson plays Fräulein Rahm. Despite being unmarried, she boasts having given birth to 18 children for Germany. How that’s possible, who knows. Her unreleting enthusiasm for the Nazi cause is bizarre considering her job at the Hitler Youth camp is to teach the girls there to dress wounds, take care of the injured… and have children. Not particularly exciting compared to the boys, who get to play with live munitions and enjoy the outdoors. The next noteworthy contradiction within the film is Nazi Germany’s attitude towards children. We’re told they’re the future, that the world will belong to them but as the tide of war shifts, we see the kids become be extremely disposable in a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it bit of off-sceen gruesomeness. The whole thing is topped by Taika Waititi’s portrayal of Hitler. Self-described as a Polynesian Jew, even if Waititi wasn’t directing and writing, his casting would feel like a smart, subversive inside joke. As the film begins, this Adolf Hitler is Jojo’s best friend. Once the boy starts questioning what the authorities have been feeding him, Hitler becomes increasingly hostile and comical. He’s more “so pathetic you’re glad you can laugh at him” than “funny because it’s so wrong to see Hitler doing this” kind of funny.

Lest you think this film does not take what happened during WWII seriously, understand that key scenes make you forget all about the fanciful imagination of Jojo’s world and bring you back to reality. The scenes with him and his mother, for example, are surprisingly grounded. You can feel the exhasperation Rosie must feel as her son makes all of these statements about Adolf Hitler, the Nazi cause, Jews and Germany. How frustrating it must be for her to endure what she hears. She could tell Jojo what the truth is, but he's a child. He doesn't understand what's really going on and doesn't understand that admitting the truth out loud could have serious consequences.

Though there are some big, memorable laughs within Jojo Rabbit, the dramatic revelations are so sobering that the drama/comedy split doesn't feel like it's down the middle. Said revelations only come in during the latter half of the movie, however, so they hit you when you least expect it - and hit you hard. This is not the kind of movie you easily forget precisely because it makes bold, bizarre-sounding choices. Though there is a chance you'll be so off-put by "Jojo Rabbit" that it won't be your cup of tea, every move that's being made has been carefully considered and the themes used throughout make it a picture I don't hesitate to recommend. (February 10, 2023)

[nickkkdoesstuff]

For the ask game and my dearest raph and trax

18. What are they like when they're drunk? How do they act together? & when 1 is drunk, while the other one's sober?

Ask meme

When they're drunk:

They're both "shits and giggles" kind of drunk kajsksj their sense of humor becomes really simple and just laugh a lot

When one is drunk:

When is Raph, he denies it, he's got a good self control when drinking, but when he gets one too many drinks he gets all blushed and looks half asleep, he also gets very talkative saying sappy and cheesy things at Trax. Trax finds it very funny how he tries to walk it off, but he tries to keep him sat down (and get some pics of him)

When is Trax, he goes from extremely happy and excited to a mess of tears for any reason, he goes to Raph crying and sobbing just because he loves him so much and then gets happy because he finds out they're dating. Raph sits beside him and just waits it off (and look out that he doesn't try anything stupid)

[siriannatan]

Charms of Accidents

I needed to write something to tell myself I still remember how to. So I wrote the idea I got this morning :}

I might write more but at the moment have no plans to.

Scott messed up. He knew it as soon as he woke up and realised a couple of facts. One, he wasn't in his apartment. Two, he was alone, so whoever he spent the night with was awake. Not what he usually would do. But, the third thing was... He could not recall anything after he left the club with the handsome ginger. Not one single thing. And fourth, possibly even worse, as he tried to move everything hurt. Like a lot.

He didn't accidentally sleep with an Other Worlder? Who are Other Worlders? All sorts of supernatural creatures. Mages, vampires, demons, dragons and so on. They had their own laws that human governments often honoured over their own. It was extremely dangerous for humans to interact with them even when sober. And Scott possibly landed with one while drunk. Very drunk. It was bad. He had to go home and soon. As far from here as possible.

"I wouldn't move if I were you," Scott's blood pretty much froze as he looked at the source of the voice. The handsome ginger from last night. Dressed in sweatpants and a simple T-shirt. Scott's blurry recollection of last evening had him in a black suit with a dark red shirt. There was not a scratch visible on him. He didn't look at all like he just woke up after a night of drinking and sex. Scott, no matter how hard he tried, never looked this good on a morning after. "The name's fWhip, since I'm pretty sure you must have forgotten most of last night, and I'm afraid I have to apologise," he spoke as he calmly approached the bed as Scott continued to struggle to sit up.

"What for?" Scott huffed as fWhip pushed him down.

"Accidentally marking you as mine," he said as if it wasn't a massive disaster. Being marked by an Other Worlder was bad for Scott. It was like a marriage. Unless there was a way to remove it, Scott was stuck with fWhip for the rest of his life. "And stop trying to sit up, it'll only make it hurt more. Once we talk I'll bring you food and all that," he huffed, baring his long, sharp-fanged teeth. 

A vampire. Scott was as good as dead. He was going to be fWhip's mobile snack until the vampire got bored of him. He went slack and let fWhip arrange him as he pleased. It didn't matter if he struggled, fWhip was in all ways superior to him. "Talk about what?" Scott asked, ignoring how pain lessened when he touched Scott. 

"What happens now, I can't just let you go, that'd be bad for both of us, especially you," fWhip started, keeping one hand on top of Scott's. "So it'll be best if you stay here and let me take care of you," Scott wanted to scream and protest but unfortunately fWhip was right. If he just wandered about with fWhip's mark on him he'd be in a lot of trouble. But it still stung. "I promise to make sure you're comfortable and want for nothing since it was my poor self-control that led to this," fWhip promised, yeah right, he was likely lying to keep Scott calm and controlled. But he did gently grab the hand he was constantly touching and gently kissed it. "So?"

"So what? Not like saying 'no' is an option for me," Scott huffed. In case fWhip wasn't lying, he'd live comfortably. He could take occasional biting. "You promise you're not lying and going to kill me?"

"If I wanted to do that you wouldn't even wake up," fWhip's words did nothing to calm Scott. "You're safe here," he added as if sensing the human's nervousness, and gave his forehead a soft kiss. "Stay here, I'll bring you food," he then announced and left Scott to hurt in the massive bed.

Scott sighed and deflated even further once alone. What a mess he got himself into. There wasn't even a mirror in the room. Maybe rumours of vampires having no reflection were true? Damn Other Worlders doing as they please. At least fWhip was handsome, even when dressed down.

He was pale, as expected from a vampire. His eyes were a very pretty shade of blue. Scott heard rumours that vampire's eyes turned red when they were hungry. If it were true fWhip ate recently. Last night possibly. Unfortunately, he had no idea how often a vampire might need to drink blood. And he was a bit freaked out to ask. With a hiss, he checked his neck as well as he could with no mirror. There should be a mirror in his bag, but that wasn't anywhere nearby.

"Don't worry, I ate before we met and won't need to for a while," fWhip was back, with a bed tray of breakfast. For an immortal with no need for food, he was doing great taking care of Scott so far. Other than 'unintentionally' marking him that is. "I'll need your address," he said, quite randomly as Scott eyed his food. Was it really safe?

"What for?" Scott asked, eyes snapping to the vampire.

"To go get your things," fWhip explained, putting an elegant notebook bound in black leather with a pen attached to it with a golden chain. Scott knew being marked and staying with fWhip meant he'd have to move his things. But it really sunk in right there. fWhip meant to keep him around for longer. Why else would he associate with him as far as to go to his apartment?

"I'll need my bag. My keys are there," Scott said after a deep breath. It was best for him to stay with fWhip. To both avoid his enemies, he did not doubt that fWhip had those and anyone else who would see to harm him because of his 'Other Worlder' relations. fWhip was the safest option even if some biting would be involved.

fWhip vanished one second and next was back, on the other side of the bed, with Scott's bag. "All that can wait, eat first," he said and settled on the bed next to Scott. One arm wrapped around Scott as well as he could with him half lying. It was comforting considering it lessened the pain. But also rather intimate. Well, by fWhip's standard, they were as good as married even if by accident. "You can ask anything, I understand it's all much," he offered as Scott ate very slowly.

"Can I have some clothes?" Scott asked before he could stop himself. fWhip didn't have to be in any way okay with him not being naked.

"Sure, but eat first," fWhip shockingly agreed and went to what had to be his closet and soon came back with a T-shirt and shorts for Scott. Maybe he was being honest about taking responsibility and taking care of Scott. "I'm not going to hurt you, you can relax, I won't even bite you if you're uncomfortable with it," he assured as he settled back on the bed.

"How often do you..." Scott for some reason felt weird thinking about fWhip biting someone else.

"About once a month, unless I have to be in the sun a lot or fight someone," fWhip explained with no hesitation. Scott internally awarded him a few 'trust points'. "If that happens then it might be two or three times a month. That is without totally draining a person," it weirdly calmed Scott. So his life wasn't in total danger even if...

Scott calmly finished eating and wrote his address for fWhip. The vampire told him to sleep, as he himself get dressed in a freaking suit. He looked unfairly good in one. Like really unfairly good. Was Scott going to have to wear suits near him? If he was ever taken to any Other Worlder functions then probably yes. With a proper marking of his connection to fWhip. A vampire's snack and arm candy. What a turn of life. And shockingly, now that he hurt a bit less and had eaten he wasn't all that against it.

"Just rest, I'll be back before you realise it," fWhip promised once he was dressed. And gave Scott's forehead another soft kiss. Scott just hummed. He was indeed feeling rather tired.

Scott woke up slightly confused but well-rested and in a negligible amount of pain. It was there but he could ignore it. Oh. And with an urge to see fWhip who was nowhere to be seen. "Liar," Scott mumbled as he got dressed. He froze when he heard someone. A female voice call out for fWhip.

There were no signs that fWhip lived with anyone. Not that Scott saw any more but his bedroom. But it just didn't feel like it. So he assumed it was some acquaintance. 

But what should he do? He had no way of contacting fWhip. But he also didn't want to be found in fWhip's bed. Wearing his clothes. If he could show fWhip's mark then maybe he'd feel comfortable facing this stranger. But he didn't even know where it was. Nowhere he could see without a mirror. He could only hope it was nowhere too indecent. 

"fWhip? Brother?" another call had Scott almost jumping up. Brother. One mystery resolved. It was fWhip's sibling. Less likely to attack Scott on the spot without an explanation from fWhip. With that hope, Scott went to find the voice. Hoping fWhip would be back soon.

In the living room, looking around was a ginger-haired woman. Clearly a vampire from what Scott knew about fWhip. And it was his sister, it'd be hard for her to not be one.  "I'm sorry but fWhip's not home," he said hiding as well as he could in the red T-shirt. 

The woman spun to stare at him. And sighed. "What. An. Idiot. Leaving a human alone? What if someone else came here?!"  she ranted, waving her arms. Scott just curled up by the wall. She was scary.

"Dear sister, please stop scaring my human," Scott almost jumped at fWhip's voice. And ran up to him as soon as he saw him. "Scott..." the vampire sighed petting his hair. "You should still be resting," he said but all it did was make Scott grab at his jacket. Gently, he didn't want to wrinkle it but still. "How about you start unpacking? You can move my stuff if you need, and I join you as soon as I get my sister to leave?" he offered and kissed the top of Scott's head.

Was fWhip really as fond of him as he seemed or was it the accidental mark? "Fine," Scott huffed, not even commenting on how the suitcase, which moved towards the bedroom on its own was clearly too small for all his stuff. He just assumed it was magic. fWhip was an Other Worlder after all. Scott would probably have to get used to weird things.

As soon as he the door closed he could hear the woman nagging fWhip. There was no other way to describe it.

"Why is there a human in your house?" she asked. Scott could imagine her arms were crossed and one-foot tapping.

"I accidentally marked him so I'm taking the responsibility," fWhip sighed. As if he really didn't want to explain. "Shouldn't you be happy I have SOME company? YOu always complain about how I never go anywhere and just stay home on my own?"

"So you didn't force him?" she asked.

"Gem. Dear sister, what about me gave you that idea?" fWhip chuckled. "It was an accident. I'd feel bad if he got killed, by either side, for my foolishness. Neither did I want to kill him which would be the only solution..."

"So what? You're going to keep him now? Like some pet?" Scott curled up. He did not like that word.

"Don't be ridiculous Gem, he's more of a guest," fWhip's response did not make him feel any better. Part of him hoped he was just saying it to get his sister to leave.

"A guest that shares your bed?" Oh. So there was only one? How... Unfortunate.

"Not like I use it much."

Scott could not listen to them for much longer and made his way to fWhip's closet. Which was massive and had plenty of free space and only minimal rearranging was needed to fit Scott's clothes. His electronics he just left on a low table in the bedroom. Just in time for fWhip to walk in. 

Blazer off and ready to be carelessly dropped to a chair. "I'm sorry I'm late, I got slightly lost," Scott nodded at his apology. "Scott? Are you hungry again?"

"That's not it... What are we exactly? I'll need to let a few people know where I went to and... I have no idea how to explain it without worrying anyone," Scott scrambled for a reason. 

"Well, by law I think the equivalent would be marriage but I'm not going to force you into it," fWhip settled next to Scott on the small couch. "So call it whatever you feel most comfortable with, I'm not going to be offended."

Scott hummed. Was he ready to say he got married? No. That he got a vampire boyfriend? A clingy one at that? Maybe. "So, boyfriends then?" he offered, cuddling up to fWhip who did not push him away.

"Sure, if that's what you want."

"Mhm... Is the mark making me clingy? I woke up annoyed you're not here," he huffed, moving to sit in fWhip's lap. 

"Believe it or not, I don't really know much about marks, I never really marked anyone before either. I could have asked Gem but I kinda wanted to be alone with you so... It's possible it's making us both clingy," he chuckled pulling the human into a loose hug. "So what are we doing now? Going out? Staying home? A friend of mine is throwing a party I could bring you along to, really show off?"

Scott didn't really mind being showed off by fWhip. But there was a thing he did have issues with. "I can dress up for you I guess, but... No biting anyone else," he huffed and kissed fWhip. They did not go anywhere or inform anyone about anything until the next day.

[kendrixtermina]

English Translation of Christoph  Schneider’s Post

Note: I am just making it english because @thecrowss requested it; Everyone form their own conclusions: 

Dear people, 

I wish to share my personal thoughts and emotions with you. The accusations of the last weeks have deeply shaken us as a Band and me as a person. Certainly this was also true for you as fans. I’m still feeling schocked by all the things that were shared and printed about our singer in social media and the press. It’s been a rollercoaster for the crew and the band members.

No, I do not think that anything punishable by law (such as the use of roofies) took place. No, I don’t think anything illegal happened, neither I nor anyone among our hundreds of crew members ever witnessed anything like that. Everything I ever saw of Till’s parties were grown adults having fun together. And still it seems that some things took place that, while not illegal, I would personally consider not okay. 

Some structures had grown that went beyond the limits or values of the other band members. Because of this it is important to us to note that our official after show party’s shouldn’t be confused with Till’s private ones. Over the last few years Till had distanced himself from us and formed his own bubble. With his own people, his own parties, his own projects. This has certainly made me sad. 

I believe Till when he says that he always wanted and still wants his private guests to have a good time. Yet it seems that what those guests were expecting differed from his own expectations in some cases. The wishes and expectation of the women that came forward must not have been fulfilled. Instead, according to their statements, they have felt uncomfortable and close to the edge of a situation where they felt out of control. For this, I feel sorry for them, and I have sympathy/compassion for them. 

Still, it is important to me to emphasize something that was objectively true: Every guest in the backstage area is always free to leave (aside from briefly having to wait for security to see them out). All bottles are sealed and opened before the eyes of the guests. Water, snacks as well as security personnel and medical aid are always ready for them. 

We want all our guests to feel good and safe with us! That is our standard, and this is why I’m deeply sorrow that some of you didn’t feel that way. 

We have the best fans in the world and all of them deserve respectful treatment. I feel sorry for everyone who felt ill-treated or unsafe backstage. Including Shelby, who would have deserved a great concert and a wonderful evening. 

But I don’t want this dispute about our band to feed the extremes: 

Neither the beast of social media which our society has barely tamed, nor the paternalistic tendencies that would deny women in their mid 20s their sexual self-determination, and certainly not victim blaming, so that people continue to feel safe to speak out about what happened. 

I wish for a quiet and sober reflecting and reexamining of what took place, including within our band. And this means the six of us together. We stand with each other. 

Your Christoph Schneider.

At least this sounds like the people I thought I knew and pretty close to the assessment in the analysis post I was halfway through writing after sifting through the evidence.