#and I have 0 idea what this whole thing is about I understood like maybe 3 words

[springkitten]

my brain about to melt through my ears

[mymarifae]

i just want to share my thoughts about akito and Death. because even now—even off the back of an event like burn my soul—people STILL talk about him like he's an explicitly depressed, suicidal character whose every action is cause for concern.

i think the idea that akito is suicidal has been floating around for a very long time. and while it's not entirely without merit (more on this in a bit), it's still a misconception. and it really feels like kashika exacerbated the issue. which is unfortunate! it's sad to see such a beautiful song be misinterpreted like this.

now don't get me wrong! kashika is about death. but two things:

1. kashika may have been written for akito, but it's not just for him. it's also deeply personal to ryo haruka. there are certainly similarities and haruryo undoubtedly understood everything akito felt during the events that led up to the crawl green incident, but i don't think it's entirely fair to equate his very real emotions and struggles to those of a fictional character. he and akito share kashika! you can interpret it through either lens, but trying to do so through both is where things start getting messy

2. whiiiiich leads me to my second point. who decided that the only way to interpret kashika and its themes of death is literally?

i think it's pretty common for people to automatically interpret any themes of death literally—or at least very negatively. we're naturally conditioned to fear death, and then we're taught to fear it even more. it's the change. it's the unknown. it's the very idea of an "end." most people aren't very fond of these things! understandably so. but personally? i think the symbolism that can exist behind death is beautiful.

Death is the 13th card of the major arcana. above all else, it symbolizes change (positive change; it's always, always about what's ultimately best for you). Death tells you it's time to move forward; this part of your life is done. there is more waiting for you—new opportunities, new experiences, a brighter, more fulfilling future—but you must be prepared to let go.

the habits and routines you have now? the mindsets that have kept you alive? your current sense of self? whatever it is, whatever Death is asking for, you have to let it "die." it won't serve you anymore. it will only drag you down. and it might be terrifying and you might not be able to comprehend what lies ahead and you might want to kick and scream and struggle, but you can't cling forever. endings are never easy, and sometimes they hurt like hell, but with each end comes a new beginning.

and yes if you've read burn my soul this should all sound very familiar lol:

looking at death from this perspective, kashika and the entirety of find a way out should read a lot more like akito caught on the cusp of a monumental transformation. suspended between "life" (the old) and "death" (the new) so to speak.

up to this point he's been fueled by spite and desperation. two very intense, very negative emotions—but it's an intensity that worked. everyone else on vivid street had years of musical experience, and he had 0. he needed to catch up and he needed to catch up quickly because it's not like he could put the whole world on pause. he could take his time to learn the basics, sure, but every other vivid street musician would continue improving and growing while he did that. there would always be a gap between him and Them.

unless... he worked harder—WAY harder—than all of them combined.

and maybe that wouldn't do it either. maybe he would be stuck in place forever, always playing catch-up, always struggling to stay afloat, always being left behind. he knew this. and he knew the amount of destruction he'd end up inflicting upon himself if he went down this path. but in his mind, it was okay. it was worth it. because he'd rather die endlessly pursuing what he loves most than live not trying at all.

but in find a way out, when facing off against his old bullies, he starts to realize that he was wrong. he's not just stuck in place. he bridged the gap a long time ago, and he almost didn't even notice. and where he's going now, spite and desperation are the wrong emotions to sing from. he needs to let the unhealthy, extreme mindsets die, but also it's hard to let go of something when you would have given up a long long long LONG time ago without it.

but with time, and enough poking and prodding from ken and luka, he does it. he lets go. he lets the old parts of him die, and he passes on to the next stage of his life.

akito's character arc has always been about growth. improvement. learning. Becoming Better. and not just in a musical sense although Yes That Is A Huge Part Of It. his arc is also about his growth as a person. it's about him becoming more confident, and learning how to be kinder and more patient with both himself and other people. it's about him learning how to let his walls down and let his loved ones in. and to trust that they won't start kicking him to death once they're in there.

it's about him learning to exchange the Spite and Desperation for Passion and Love.

it's about him becoming happier.

which is why it's so fucking startling when people talk about him like he's suicidal and on the verge of a breakdown. like, woah, what?

as i said though, kashika isn't the only source of this misconception and i find more merit in the other sources because they're actual aspects of his character and scenes in the story and not song lyrics that shouldn't have been read so literally in the first place. like, yeah. we've seen a ton of unhealthy behavior out of akito. he's had a very extreme perspective on his place in the world from a super early age, and while the severity frequently gets exaggerated in fanon spaces, the shinonome household isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

he's been moody, he's been prickly and abrasive, he's lashed out. he keeps most people at arm's length and builds walls so high not even toya can get through them at first. he had to! he wouldn't have survived if he didn't! like, he was targeted and bullied by a group of adults when he first started singing on vivid street. that is actually a genuinely traumatizing thing to happen to a kid!

so no, i'm not against the idea that akito has experienced depression and suicidal ideation in the past. kinda comes naturally with the territory he ended up in. but that's the key word: past.

i get confused when the idea is dragged into the present. because again! the whole point of his character arc is he's overcome all that PAST adversity! recovery isn't linear but we're not about to see him hit rock bottom any time soon. or ever, actually. you know why? because we've already seen his rock bottom. stray bad dog. that event was his big breakdown moment. that's what opened him up to try to start healing.

we're not getting another stray bad dog. stop expecting another stray bad dog.

he's alright, i promise. he's growing up. he's gotten better. he knows he belongs in vivid bad squad. he knows he's loved. he knows his friends will be there to catch him when he falls. he's always been strong, but now he's even stronger. he's excited for his future, and i think we should be too.

[djevelbl]

So. 341, IM!Cup & Holly...

I read one (1) comment on Inky Mystery's Cup & Holly's dynamic and now feel the need to go on a vague-posting rant about them--

TLDR: if we're critiquing Holly's reaction to Cup's rejection & her actions in the aftermath of the gala in regards to him, we gotta talk about his as well; it's a symbiotic conversation - you can't talk of one's fuckups without at least giving an honorable mention to the other's mistakes either, aknowledging they happened and all that.

I have thoughts, and all of them stem from a convo I saw in my fyp about Holly's most recent interactions with Cup in 341 - rant ahead y'all, the TLDR is there for a reason. Good readin'.

Sure, Holly outright ignoring Cuphead and making excuses to not talk to him about what happened is not okay - especially when he's making an effort to talk to her (shit he doesn't do with anyone unless they're Mugs) and I'm like. the first person to scream at the screen for them to talk, but I typically go about it in the sense of "this motherfucker really let her go on a trip without so much as a SORRY or even trying to rectify the situation, thus letting her form all the wrong conclusions, huh." And sure, he's trying, I'll give him that - I'm sure that's fucking hard for him considering all his love-related endeavors ended in him jaded & hurt, but she doesn't know that - to her, this is just a man who's deeply hurt her with a straight face that only fell and let her see his real emotions & feelings about the whole thing when the "find out" part of "fuck around and find out" came to slap him in the face, shaped like a tree-charmed bracelet. He lied to her face, saying to her such wonderfully nice and beautiful and forgivable quotes like: "... you are in way over your head. What you wanna tell me amounts ta bunk 'cause the truth is you don't. Cussin'. Know me.", or "Because you’re a pretty little princess. You have no idea what the real world is like. Hell, half the time you’re out there causin’ the rest of us more work gettin’ these cussin’ parts. Coulda spared us the hell of Nightmare Night if you’d just kept your damn hands to yourself. Couldn’t keep outta the way even when it should have been easy. Not since the moment I met ya. Not even one damn time. Ya think I could ever like someone like you? You’ve been a thorn in my side ever since that first starfallen night I stuck ya in a tree."

He demeaned her, humiliated her by leaving her waiting at the gala to get a taxi of her own when he'd gone there with her (I'm sure no fucking blood-in-the-water-sniffing newsie noticed that and talked about it on a tacky tabloid, huh), insulted her for literally no reason as he rejected her, played with and preyed upon her insecurities of feeling like she's in the way of the quest (and of everyone in her life tbh) to emotionally hurt her - all for what? To send the message across that he didn't wanna date her? He could've just said "not right now, we're busy with the quest" and I'm sure she would've understood! And that's also a lie! All she wanted was an answer: did he or did he not like her back. A yes or no question, a simple thing to respond to. And instead of answering like a normal fucking person, Cuphead dropped a nuke on her: "... And that’s if you really thought we were friends ta begin with. So I think it’s best for you to go."

She asked if there was reciprocity in her feelings. He told her that they weren't even friends to begin with. And sure, Cuphead is the least normal man ever - the least socially adept, the worst at romance we've ever seen (bar Bendy maybe), I'm not necessarily expecting him to be a Don Juan, to be the perfect man who's perfect at relationships and can do no wrong, but there's a limit; and when his interactions with Holly go from 0 to 100 - from good, supportive friend who's developing feelings to immediate self-hating nuking of a friendship - I'm sorry, but that's crossing the fucking line. He's fucked up, he knows he's fucked up and in an ideal world he'd throw himself at his knees and beg for forgiveness, making it up to Holly every day. And in that same perfect world she'd forgive him, because he's not perfect, he's gone through deep, deep shit, shit neither you nor I could fully comprehend, things that funamentally break and change a man, especially one as young as Cup (can y'all really believe he's barely in his early 20s?? Crazy shit, that is.) I'm not saying he's completely reprehensible, that there's absolutely no redeeming quality about him - he's loyal to a fault, he'd go to bat for you the moment you asked, he'd help you with anything and everything you ask for. He's only mortal, after all - he's not perfect, that's what being alive fundamentally is: imperfect, rough edges and some of which are sanded down, some of which will never be. Growing beyond what you once were, and Cup is doing that - slowly, but getting there. Yet we're the readers. We know this. Holly doesn't.

In any critique towards any two characters in a relationship, especially if we're discussing how they treat each other and how they react to each other's presence and actions, one must consider things from their point of view and whatever information they got access to - it's only in chapter 341 that Holly realizes that the more she waits, the less ready she'll be to talk to Cup. It's only now that she's processed her emotions, feelings and the situation enough that she can notice that Oh shit yea, maybe she should talk to his dumb ass. She wasn't ready for that conversation with Cuphead before, and maybe she's not ready yet - has that stopped her at any other point, though? She jumped in basically head first to study on Toon Town, even when her mother wasn't completely sold on the idea. She joined the Questers on a whim, believing she had to see things first hand before she could go ahead and judge them (unlike the news at the time). She's battled creatures ten times her size and strength with her wits and runes, barely any training, and lived to tell the tale. God-fucking-damnit, she started confessing before she could question herself any further! She's strong, resilient and determined - yet she doesn't read minds! Cup's never talked about his struggles on any area of his life, let alone his love-life, how is she supposed to know she should give him a second chance right off the bat bc he's just inexperienced?! Do you think she knows what she's doing? NO! Of course not! I don't think she's had any significant romantic relationships over the course of her life - she was basically babied as she lived in her hometown, being a human in a zany residence! Everyone was afraid of hurting her beyond repair - d'you think she knows what she's doing? That she's got any experience to draw from? That romance books would tell her what to do?? NO! Of course they wouldn't! They're fiction! She's in her early twenties, just like Cup. She's inexperienced when it comes to romance, just like Cup (debatable on his side, but I won't go there) - why are we letting him off the hook, but we're dogpiling on her?

She's barely keeping it together as is - she got called naive, dumb, a thorn in Cup's (her crush!) side, she got called a little girl in one of the worst ways a woman can be called that: demeaningly, with full intent to insult, because women's value is typically regarded in how young they look, in how pretty they are (both things depicted in the mind when we call women "girls") yet is twisted when right after Cup says that he "like(s) a woman that knows what reality looks like."

Uh oh, he talked about knowing reality - they just got out of the fucking Labyrinth! Low blow Cup, low blow. Even for you.

And what has she done? Putting distance between them because she's been emotionally beat down mercilessly just a month (maybe) ago? Desperately try and piece herself back together after being so thoroughly dissected apart by cold, calloused words that weren't even true? Be a tiny bit of a dickhead to the man who brought a metaphorical loaded gun to a conversation? Not let the person who's hurt her the most up until today (bar her mom) have any more opportunities to damage her? Would you have done it any differently? 'Cuz I would've - I would've done it worse. Holly has handled herself with a surprising amount of grace considering what Cup did - I would've been depressed all fucking day in my room had that happened to me. I would've starved not feeling the need to get up from the bed, I would've let it fucking show how much it actually hurt what he said. She didn't. She gave herself the time to process and understand the situation and grieve their friendship - because in her eyes, that shit's well and truly dead, buried in the backyard of her memory. Her talent is memory y'all - that conversation is recorded into her psyche for the rest of her life most likely. She probably has to do a conscious effort to repress such an awful night. She went there expecting it to be a wonderful night - she'd rectified her lie, explained why and asked Cup herself if she could accompany him to the gala as his plus one - only to come out of there with emotional scars that won't heal just bc he says sorry, or explains the situation. That conversation will open the wounds that have tentatively - tentatively - started to heal, he's gonna have to rip them bloody and gory open again for his own healing to happen, and she's willing to let it. Because it's for her own healing too. What he did is unforgivable, unhorthy of hearing him out - yet the ending of 341 whispers implications of a conversation happening between them at Holly's decree. Can we, instead of raging about Holly being rude to him one fucking time, direct our anger and sorrow and grievances towards Cuphead? He's our favorite character, sure, the he can do no wrong and if he does I still love him one, but he's still flawed. I don't know about y'all, but my favorite thing about my blorbos is when they're broken and imperfect, when I can criticize them and see them build themselves back up - bc wholly morally good or wholly morally bad characters are just boring, and sometimes you want someone you can love and yet hate. Can we, instead of fixating on the one instance of Holly being unable to handle what's been thrown at her, and throw it back at her face, commend and celebrate every instance she's been able to keep it together? Can we talk about and appreciate how calm and collected she's been over all of this? How nice she's been playing it? Can we cherish and revel in how she hasn't broken his nose and gone for the throat even though I find it a worthy escalation to make?? Can we not demean the one female lead who's been given this much screentime within a high-stakes, emotionally-charged conflict like this one, and has managed to keep it together??

[ichirukilover]

I closed the door to Bl/each after the tragedy of 6/86 and briefly opened a window to LA, because well that pair is my weakness and it made me laugh how treacherously I/R it was.

So when weeks ago I saw a beautiful I/R fanart on Tik Tok (The anime came back, so the algorithm decided it was a good idea to torture me), and the response to a comment that said "They should have ended up together "was "READ THE MANGA", I was baffled. I mean, what did that mean? had I read a fake manga all those years and the "real manga" appeared Da Vinci Code-style after 2016? Was it all a Jump conspiracy? Have we been duped all this time?

That piqued my curiosity, so I wandered around several sites, reading publications from the "correct/canon/real manga" point of view; and well, you'll see even worse things the bible says.

Here are my favorites:

"The I/H was evident from the beginning, just read chapter 0": yes, because a one-shot that is a sketch of the general idea of a manga, that goes through many revisions and rewrites is absolutely determinant in the development of the main manga, and seriously, what exactly is the evidence?

"HM arc is the ultimate proof of I/H, he went to rescue her and even came back from the dead for her": well, so did her other friends and even R/enji and R/ukia, maybe they were all in love with her too. And about the resurrection...just...never mind.

"I/H are perfect for each other" Here I could do a whole essay from a psychological point of view that proves that it is an absolute fallacy and was more than clear in the FB arc, in real life they wouldn't work and would be a toxic couple. And God knows at least that boy needs therapy.

"O***ime looks like Ma/saki" * Bombastic side eye. Criminal, offensive side eye *

"O***ime deserves I/chigo”: Oh, so he was some kind of trophy for being a good girl, so it wasn't enough to objectify her, they also do the same with the boy.

"Ru/kia was a shinigami and I/chigo was a human, and she's much older than him, their relationship was impossible." *Everything but the rain entered the chat*.

"I/H fought together against Y/wach": And we all know how well they (he) did, right?

"W/D/k/A/L/Y": *sigh* that's what it looks like when you try to fix a mess and fail miserably.

"W/D/k/A/L/Y's scribble": ...

"Anime invented IR": The studio simply pushed something that was already implicit in the original material and they knew it would sell more, it's basic marketing. Most of us knew what was filler and what wasn't (rolls eyes).

And there definitely wasn't a parallel manga that magically made sense of that ending. What a disappointment.

And I/R are the delusional and lacking in compressive reading? It's so much easier to say you just don't like people ship I/R, instead of sending them to read the manga or giving lazy arguments. Pathetic.

This was long, but I just needed to vent or something, because I honestly found the whole situation absolutely hilarious.

My English is broken, so I hope I have been understood.

PS: So in my delusional mind I/R is right now enjoying his honeymoon on the beach *wink**wink*.

Blessings.

As someone that didn't leave after the ending and has seen all these "amazing points" take form and basically became the classic "IH and pro ending dudebro agenda" list, let me tell you, I was and still am baffled too. No matter how many times I read them, I still get shocked at how some really believe that bunch of BS, or better they keep repeating it untill they'll believe it.

You adressed them in a simple but direct and straight to the point way, I don't even need to add anything to what you said, agree to all of it, wait lol well maybe I could add the the pilot chapter lit has In0ue de0d at the end of it but what do we know, that doesn't seem to matter to them lol it doesn't have to make sense smh

In our delusional mind that ichiruki honeymoon on the beach is so vivid and real... I wonder why lmao

[canirove]

Frenkie de Jong Imagine

Author’s note: This is a request from Wattpad. They wanted something sad, but I had no idea what to write. I told a friend about it, and she joked about last season when Manchester United kicked Barça out of the Europa League, so I used that as my inspiration. Is it sad? I don't know, tbh 😅 Also, no idea if he played that much and was one of the best. I don't watch Barça's games or keep up with them. Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜

Masterlist

"Frenkie, lunch is... What are you doing still in bed? And what are you listening to?" I say when I walk into our room.

"Break up songs."

"Why? Are you going to break up with me?"

"What? No, no. It isn't that."

"Then?"

"I'm sad and this helps" he shrugs.

"Ok... Why are you sad?"

"Why? Do you really have to ask why?"

"Yeah."

"This season sucks! I suck!"

"You don't suck, Frenkie" I chuckle.

"Yes, I do! The whole team does!"

"You won 5-0 this weekend. That isn't something a team that sucks do" I say, moving to sit on the bed next to him.

"But what did we do on Wednesday? Lose 0-4 against Real Madrid and at home, which meant goodbye to the Copa del Rey."

"Yeah... That was unexpected."

"It wasn't. We suck. Or have you forgotten what happened in Europe?"

"You..."

"We got kicked out twice. Twice!"

"Second time was against a big team like Manchester United, it can happen."

"But we are freaking Barcelona! We should be able to win or at least put up a fight against other big European teams and don't look like fools!"

"You didn't look like fools, Frenkie. It was so tight anyone could have won."

"But who won? Them" he says, covering his head with the duvet. "I should have signed for them."

"What?" I laugh.

"With them I would have won something already. And since Casemiro is constantly out because of red cards, I would be playing a lot."

"You also are playing a lot here. You are always named amongst the best of the team."

"Yet look at us. We aren't winning a thing" he scoffs.

"You are going to win La Liga."

"Or not."

"Frenkie..."

"Or not!" he says, uncovering his head and sitting up. "Yes, Real Madrid are losing points, but look at what they did the other day! At what they do in the Champions League! They could suddenly change and win all the games from here to the end of the season!"

"I doubt it" I chuckle.

"But they can!"

"And the world can end tomorrow for all we know!"

"It actually can, yes. And it will find me here, feeling sorry about myself" he says, laying down again.

"Frenkie..." I sigh.

"Hello from the outsideeeee... At least I can say that I've trieeeeeed" he sings.

"Ok, I've had enough" I say, grabbing his phone from the bedside table and turning off the music.

"Hey! I was singing!"

"And destroying my ears in the process."

"Sorry."

"That's what you are gonna stop being, yes. Sorry for yourself."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can. Because my boyfriend isn't a quitter. If he was, I wouldn't be here."

"What?" Frenkie says.

"How many times did I say no to going out on a date with you?"

"13."

"Wait, so many?" I laugh.

"Yeah. A bit creepy on my side to keep insisting, but" he shrugs.

"A bit, yes. But you never gave up."

"Because I love you."

"And do you know what else you love? Football. That's why you aren't going to give up, and are gonna keep playing, showing how good you are and winning La Liga at the end of the season."

"But..."

"No, no buts. You are gonna get out of that bed, take a shower while I change the sheets, and then we are gonna have lunch together. No more crying or destroying Adele's songs."

"It wasn't that bad..."

"It was worse" I chuckle. "And tomorrow, you are gonna go train and kick some asses, which is what you will do in the next game, and the next, and then the next after that one. Understood?"

"But what if..."

"Nope. The Frenkie I know and love doesn't give up."

"Maybe that Frenkie is gone..."

"Then maybe I'll have to leave him and find myself a new boyfriend. Is Pedri single?"

"You only like blondes" he laughs.

"Maybe I'm done with them" I shrug.

"Ok, fine. I'll stop feeling sorry for myself. There still is a title to win, games to play."

"Exactly" I smile. "Now get out of that bed and go shower. Chop, chop."

"I'm doing it, I'm doing it" he says, slowly leaving the bed.

"Good boy" I smile again. "But can't believe that what made you change your mind was me saying that I was going to leave you for Pedri" I tease him.

"That wasn't it."

"Sure..."

"It wasn't" he says, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me against him. "You would never change a blonde for a brunette."

"Well..."

"Never" he repeats.

"Nah, you are right. I like my blonde way too much."

"Even if he sometimes does lame things like feeling sorry for himself while listening to Adele?"

"Even so" I laugh.

"I love you."

"I love you too. And once you've showered, I will love you even more."

"Ok, message received. I stink."

"A bit, yes" I giggle.

"Thank you for everything. You are the best."

"I know. And now go shower!" I say, pushing him away from me.

"Ok, ok. No need to get violent" he says, sticking out his tongue and laughing his ass off when he dodges the pillow I've thrown at him.

[fabuloustrash05]

Yesterday I just realized something- I might have a hard time explaining this but- do ya'll ever think about Sal and Mona and what could have happened to them if the turtles didn't go back to the past in s4? The stuff we saw happen in the space arc was all apart of the past. It didn't happen in the present day or something. Meaning that 6 months before the events of season 3's finale, there was the salamander and tricerations fight and you get it. However, then you remember war in dimension X. Mona and Sal were trapped and held in a cell. Now this has got me wondering. What happened originally to them afterwords? Did they possibly get experimented on? Did they die? Did they save themselves and escape? What would have happened if the Raph and Mikey weren't there to save them? I just realized that something different could have possibly happened to Sal and Mona. And if they genuinely maybe died originally, then that would be pretty dark and disturbing. But something interesting to think about honestly. Idk if anybody understood this or nah

You just opened up a whole can of worms so get ready….

I have a very old TMNT 2012 theory that Mona Lisa was supposed to die in that war between the Triceratons that the Turtles interrupted by crashing their two ships.

The reason I say the theory with only Mona and not her and Sal is because every time we see Mona in an episode, she nearly dies and then Raph (or sometimes someone else) saves her.

The Moons of Thalos 3 — Almost killed by ice dragons and later almost dies from lack of oxygen and heat

War for Dimension X — Almost falls to her death (but again DX’s logic of gravity makes 0 sense)

The Evil of Dregg — Scorpinoid sting

When Worlds Collide is the only one where Mona doesn’t have a near death experience (to my memory)

I forget the name of what this term is called but it’s basically like in the game Life is Strange (spoilers) where the main characters friend Chloe throughout the game keeps ending up in near death experiences that you have to save her from, to which you end up finding out at the end that the universe needs her dead because the universe knows she was originally supposed to die in the beginning of the game.

Now, playing with the “Mona was supposed to die” theory, I got a story idea I don’t think I ever shared. Renet comes by to visits the Turtles and is shocked to see Mona among them. She freaks out, asking why she’s here and alive. Everyone is confused, including Mona and Raph, and Renet reveals the truth, Mona was not supposed to live and her and Raph were never supposed to happened, but because Raph kept saving her (preventing her death) history is at risk.

I feel the whole story would be Renet being forced to do her job (she doesn’t want to but she has to) and have Mona killed so history can be back on track and there can be balance, but Raph is doing every thing he can to protect Mona and the history he made with her.

[transkingbee]

One thing I’m really grappling with right now mentally and emotionally is the fact that I was BORN physically disabled but I didn’t know because my parents treated me like I was faking all my pain or that it was my fault.

I know my parents took me to doctors, I know I had just as much tests and crap that I do now when I was a little kid. But my mother just acts like if those doctors never found anything then nothing was wrong. But here’s the kicker: WE KNEW at least one thing that was wrong.

I was born premature and my legs are twisted. My knees point in and my feet point out and it’s hell on my hips. And that’s just one disability in a slew of them but this one we KNEW about the WHOLE TIME. And my mother still refuses to acknowledge that I am disabled.

“Well you’re in pain because you never did your physio exercises so we just stopped going.” Excuse me? I was a CHILD. It was YOUR job to make sure I did the exercises! I also wish she fn understood that just doing the exercises wasn’t going to CURE my pain. It could’ve helped me train my bones to sit straight but that’s not a 100% fix for all the issues I’ve got.

And being treated my whole life like I was lying about or exaggerating my pain made me absolutely unable to know when a pain was a serious issue or something I had to just shut up and deal with.

It’s like the grief I felt when I found out I was autistic and how we could’ve known all this time and maybe I wouldn’t have been treated so badly if they’d known (which prob isn’t true because ableism and at least I never went through ABA), and now I’m feeling a similar thing about how if I had known I was physically disabled I could have accommodated myself more and maybe I wouldn’t be in so much pain now. But again it’s probably not true because of ableism and also because at least some of this pain is most likely neurological. (My doctors have 0 idea what’s wrong with me but I have basically every symptom. Every one.)

Anyway I’m just laying here in excruciating pain and feeling some sort of way about the way I’ve been treated growing up and how it shaped the way I masked and hid al of my problems my whole life.

[mrsbsmooth]

Scripts - S6 - Episode 10 (Part 2 of 2)

Chat with Love Rival (the one who discovered main LI in bed with Amelia), chat with Ozzy

LOUNGES: {Love Rival}

Alternative LI / Rival

{0} leaps up when he sees you, clearly nervous.

{0}_IDLE: {1}! You’re not avoiding me, then? I was worried.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: I wouldn’t blame you if you were.

LEWIE_EMBARRASSED: But I never meant to act that way. Kicking off isn’t my style.

JAMAL_EMBARRASSED: I got worked up with {0} and it went too far.

RYAN_EMBARRASSED: I’m never the sort to hide my feelings, but aggression isn’t my style.

ROBERTO_SERIOUS: I wish I’d spoken to you first last night to explain it all.

ROBERTO_IDLE: I hardly ever lose my temper.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: If you didn’t mean things to get that far, why did you start it?

{0}_SAD: Seeing {1} in your bed caught me by surprise.

{0}_SAD: Not only him being there, but the way it stung to think of you together.

{0}_IDLE: I knew I liked you, but until then I don’t think I understood how much.

PLAYER_ANGRY: So you told the whole villa neither of you trusted me?

{0}_SAD: I just blurted out what {1} said in the heat of the moment.

{0}_SAD: Not my best idea. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.

{0}_IDLE: I’m not used to having to compete like this.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: And it seemed like {1} was saying one thing and doing another.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: And what did you say about not trusting me?

{0}_EMBARRASSED: Well, this is hard to say, but I sensed that you were more into {1}.

{0}_SAD: And I get it if so. But it stung my ego a bit.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: I guess I was making out that my eggs weren’t all in your basket.

{0}_IDLE: So it’d be less embarrassing if you picked him over me.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Are you going to start drama whenever something doesn’t go your way?

LEWIE_IDLE: Definitely not. That’s my drama quota filled for the next decade.

LEWIE_EMBARRASSED: Swear down, I’m usually the guy who stays cool.

LEWIE_IDLE: This hit a nerve, though. Felt like I’d been played a bit.

LEWIE_SAD: Maybe I’ve got a few sore spots I try to hide.

PLAYER_IDLE: You’re saying this felt like it was personal somehow?

LEWIE_SAD: I remember once losing my cool in a game with a scout watching.

LEWIE_SERIOUS: A guy on the other team started picking on one of my teammates.

LEWIE_SAD: I stood up to him but lost my cool. Got myself sent off.

LEWIE_SAD: And missed the chance to play for a huge team.

PLAYER_SAD: That must’ve been hard.

LEWIE_SERIOUS: I’ve had to learn from that mistake and keep calm but can’t help it when it’s…

PLAYER_IDLE: Important?

LEWIE_EMBARRASSED: Exactly. I thought I blew my chance with you.

JAMAL_IDLE: No way, {0}. I’m in here for good times, not to bring the mood down.

JAMAL_EMBARRASSED: I want to be the guy who’s stepping in to sort problems, not cause them.

JAMAL_IDLE: Last night was a one off. Put it down to new experiences.

PLAYER_IDLE: New experiences?

JAMAL_FLIRTY: Yeah, I’m used to being the one the girls fight over! The other side is lame as.

JAMAL_FLIRTY: Seriously though. The truth is I’m a lover, not a fighter.

JAMAL_HAPPY: I just want to make you smile.

PLAYER_IDLE: Last night didn’t give anyone much to smile about.

JAMAL_EMBARRASSED: Last night really isn’t who I want to be.

RYAN_HAPPY: I’ll be saving the dramatic turns for my lyrics from now on, promise.

RYAN_IDLE: I’m used to following my heart, and my heart was telling me I needed to step up.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Was your heart telling you to cause a huge scene, too?

RYAN_EMBARRASSED: No, that was just my big mouth. Look, it’s no excuse but I know why I went off.

RYAN_EMBARRASSED: Before I came in here, my best buddy told me I needed to back myself more.

RYAN_SAD: I’ve lost a good thing in the past by not going after what I wanted.

RYAN_SAD: This time it looks like I’ve risked it by going too far.

ROBERTO_SERIOUS: Drama is for actors. I don’t act. You won’t get games from me.

ROBERTO_SERIOUS: When I feel something, I say so.

ROBERTO_IDLE: If I see others playing, I call them out.

PLAYER_IDLE: Thanks for the explanation.

{0}_IDLE: It’s the least I can do. And I’ll handle myself better from now on. But…

PLAYER_IDLE: But?

{0}_EMBARRASSED: I’ve been wondering where your head’s at all morning.

{0}_IDLE: I thought you were cooling off me a bit.

{0}_IDLE: Be honest with me, {1}, do I still have a chance with you?

I’m still interested

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m still interested. Last night hasn’t put me off yet.

{0}_HAPPY: Phew! I thought I’d blown it.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Not yet you haven’t.

{0}_FLIRTY: So happy to hear that, {1}.

I don’t think you’re the one

PLAYER_IDLE: I don’t think you’ve got much of a chance with me.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: There just isn’t the right romantic spark.

{0}_SAD: You have to go with your instincts.

{0}_IDLE: But I’ll be here if you change your mind.

I’m still working that out

PLAYER_SERIOUS: I’m still working out how I feel about everything and everyone.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: It feels like whenever I’m set on one thing, something happens to spin me round.

{0}_IDLE: Take all the time you need.

{0}_FLIRTY: I just hope when you stop spinning, your head’s turned my way.

PLAYER_IDLE: So, have you and {0} hashed it out this morning?

{0}_IDLE: Kind of. He said he didn’t mean it to sound how it did.

{0}_SERIOUS: But I know what I heard, and I don’t regret telling you about it, either.

You leave {0} on the loungers, soaking up everything you’ve heard.

GYM: Ozzy

You approach Ozzy as he finishes up his gym session. His skin gleams with a fine sheen of sweat.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Hey, {0}! Coming over for a break from all the drama?

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Thanks for stepping in last night.

OZZY_HAPPY: My pleasure. I was just glad to be well out of all the drama, myself.

OZZY_HAPPY: It’s kinda nice to watch other people making fools of themselves for a change.

OZZY_IDLE: Sorry you got caught in the middle.

It’s all good

PLAYER_HAPPY: I’m ready to move on and have fun.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: If nothing else, I’ve seen sides of both boys I didn’t know existed.

OZZY_IDLE: That’s a good point. Good to see all sides early.

OZZY_HAPPY: If you still like them after, you know you’re onto a winner.

PLAYER_HAPPY: That’s a good way to think about it. Getting all surprises out early!

It’s still on my mind

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I just can’t seem to get past it yet.

PLAYER_SAD: I guess I didn’t expect last night to go down how it did.

You enter the gym to find a sweaty {0} lifting weights.

OZZY_SERIOUS: If you want my opinion, this whole thing’s nothing to get pressed about.

OZZY_IDLE: It’s just two guys trying to flex and feel each other out.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: You really think it’s that simple?

OZZY_IDLE: Really do. Two people want the same person, they’re gonna butt heads.

OZZY_FLIRTY: And you might have noticed by now, both of them want you.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: And the part where they don’t trust me?

OZZY_IDLE: Is nothing to worry about. I don’t think anyone here’s at the trust stage yet.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Not even you and Grace?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: Not even us. The drama last night only confirmed some thoughts I’d been having.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: About not trusting her?

OZZY_IDLE: Just that it’s too early to say we’d never look elsewhere.

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: So trust would be too soon.

OZZY_FLIRTY: There might be someone else catching her eye. Or mine.

Over on the daybeds, Grace shades her eyes with her hand and looks your way.

Ozzy lowers his voice slightly, looking deep into your eyes.

OZZY_FLIRTY: I think you know that you’ve already caught my eye.

OZZY_FLIRTY: I haven’t been able to stop thinking about our chat yesterday.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: And why’s that?

OZZY_HAPPY: It felt great to get that stuff off my chest.

OZZY_HAPPY: And I’m glad you were on a similar page to me.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Plus, when you leaned in for that kiss...

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Yeah…?

OZZY_FLIRTY: I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

OZZY_IDLE: It wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss you back.

OZZY_SAD: I just couldn’t in my current situation.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Plus, when you stroked my hair...

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Yeah…?

OZZY_FLIRTY: I’m getting goosebumps just thinking about it.

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: This is all a bit complicated isn’t it?

OZZY_IDLE: Especially for you with all last night’s drama.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: You’re not wrong there.

Ozzy glances over at Grace who pretends not to be watching.

OZZY_IDLE: There’s something else I’ve been meaning to tell you.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: What’s that?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I kinda know your ex, Zeph.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: What? Why didn’t you say something sooner?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I found it a bit awkward to bring up.

OZZY_IDLE: I can fill you in if you’re interested?

*Spill the tea

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Tell me everything!

OZZY_HAPPY: We’re not besties or anything. I did some back up dancing for him on one of his tours.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: No way!

OZZY_IDLE: I didn’t know if it’d be a sensitive topic.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: No, I want to know. Did you know him well?

OZZY_SERIOUS: Zeph wasn’t the type to hang with all the crew. We didn’t get that close.

OZZY_IDLE: He seemed a bit of a lone ranger.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: If he stopped ghosting people, maybe he would have more people around him.

OZZY_SERIOUS: I bet ghosting you was the biggest mistake of his life.

OZZY_HAPPY: I don’t know how anyone could ghost you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks, Ozzy.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: He was single then?

OZZY_IDLE: Yeah, I think so. There was one night he kinda opened up to me a bit.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: About what?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I’m starting to think it might’ve been about you.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: What do you mean?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: We were chatting about girls and exes and stuff.

OZZY_IDLE: And he mentioned that he was close to a girl once.

OZZY_IDLE: And he made a mistake and just cut her out.

OZZY_IDLE: He said he always regretted not giving her closure.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: And he was talking about me?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I think so, and he only had good things to say.

OZZY_IDLE: I think his career took off so fast he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Well, he could’ve dealt with it a lot better.

OZZY_IDLE: Agreed. I think he knows that now.

PLAYER_IDLE: Do you see yourself wanting to be in the spotlight, like him?

OZZY_IDLE: Nah, the fame thing isn't for me. I love dancing. Fame’s a bi-product.

OZZY_IDLE: I just want to be taken seriously. I want to be great at what I do.

OZZY_HAPPY: I want to choreograph my own stuff too. For music videos, concerts..

OZZY_IDLE: My Mum always said I was much more than a backing dancer.

OZZY_SAD: I probably would’ve been if it wasn’t for this situation I had.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: What situation?

OZZY_ANGRY: I had this promoter that was a bit of a disaster. Set me back a bit career wise.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: What happened?

OZZY_SERIOUS: Long story.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Well, I'm sure she’s still proud of how you turned out.

OZZY_HAPPY: Oh she is. We’re really close. The whole family is.

OZZY_IDLE: Ambition’s important, but they always remind me that it’s love that matters.

OZZY_HAPPY: And finding people you connect with.

Ozzy naturally leans in closer to you looking directly into your eyes.

Turn the flirt up

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m feeling a connection with you.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Back at you, {0}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’re full of surprises. And you’re not bad to look at either.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Not bad? You’re in a league of your own.

You notice Ozzy’s bulging biceps glistening in the sun.

OZZY_HAPPY: Can’t take your eyes off my arms, can you?

PLAYER_HAPPY: They’re mesmerising! I’ll have to train with you sometime.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Anytime, {0}. You’ll be exhausted when we’re done…

You both grin as your eyes linger, soaking each other in.

You move closer to him.

But you notice Grace looking over and back away from Ozzy.

Ozzy wipes the sweat from his head. Eyes glancing back to you.

Dial it down

PLAYER_IDLE: That connection’s important.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks for sharing about Zeph. It’s a small world, hey?

OZZY_HAPPY: Very.

The past’s the past

PLAYER_SAD: Zeph isn’t my concern anymore. I’ve moved on.

OZZY_IDLE: Fair does. It was so strange when I heard you dated him.

OZZY_IDLE: You sure you’re not interested?

OZZY_HAPPY: We could get to know each other a little more too.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Maybe build on our sneaky flirt yesterday?

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Seems like you enjoy living dangerously!

OZZY_FLIRTY: Something about you brings out my cheeky side.

*Fine! Let’s talk!

PLAYER_SURPRISED: Tell me everything!

OZZY_HAPPY: We’re not besties or anything. I did some back up dancing for him on one of his tours.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: No way!

OZZY_IDLE: I didn’t know if it’d be a sensitive topic.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: No, I want to know. Did you know him well?

OZZY_SERIOUS: Zeph wasn’t the type to hang with all the crew. We didn’t get that close.

OZZY_IDLE: He seemed a bit of a lone ranger.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: If he stopped ghosting people, maybe he would have more people around him.

OZZY_SERIOUS: I bet ghosting you was the biggest mistake of his life.

OZZY_HAPPY: I don’t know how anyone could ghost you.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks, Ozzy.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: He was single then?

OZZY_IDLE: Yeah, I think so. There was one night he kinda opened up to me a bit.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: About what?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I’m starting to think it might’ve been about you.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: What do you mean?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: We were chatting about girls and exes and stuff.

OZZY_IDLE: And he mentioned that he was close to a girl once.

OZZY_IDLE: And he made a mistake and just cut her out.

OZZY_IDLE: He said he always regretted not giving her closure.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: And he was talking about me?

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: I think so, and he only had good things to say.

OZZY_IDLE: I think his career took off so fast he wasn’t sure how to deal with it.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Well, he could’ve dealt with it a lot better.

OZZY_IDLE: Agreed. I think he knows that now.

PLAYER_IDLE: Do you see yourself wanting to be in the spotlight, like him?

OZZY_IDLE: Nah, the fame thing isn't for me. I love dancing. Fame’s a bi-product.

OZZY_IDLE: I just want to be taken seriously. I want to be great at what I do.

OZZY_HAPPY: I want to choreograph my own stuff too. For music videos, concerts..

OZZY_IDLE: My Mum always said I was much more than a backing dancer.

OZZY_SAD: I probably would’ve been if it wasn’t for this situation I had.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: What situation?

OZZY_ANGRY: I had this promoter that was a bit of a disaster. Set me back a bit career wise.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: What happened?

OZZY_SERIOUS: Long story.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Well, I'm sure she’s still proud of how you turned out.

OZZY_HAPPY: Oh she is. We’re really close. The whole family is.

OZZY_IDLE: Ambition’s important, but they always remind me that it’s love that matters.

OZZY_HAPPY: And finding people you connect with.

Ozzy naturally leans in closer to you looking directly into your eyes.

Turn the flirt up

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I’m feeling a connection with you.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Back at you, {0}.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: You’re full of surprises. And you’re not bad to look at either.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Not bad? You’re in a league of your own.

You notice Ozzy’s bulging biceps glistening in the sun.

OZZY_HAPPY: Can’t take your eyes off my arms, can you?

PLAYER_HAPPY: They’re mesmerising! I’ll have to train with you sometime.

OZZY_FLIRTY: Anytime, {0}. You’ll be exhausted when we’re done…

You both grin as your eyes linger, soaking each other in.

You move closer to him.

But you notice Grace looking over and back away from Ozzy.

Ozzy wipes the sweat from his head. Eyes glancing back to you.

Dial it down

PLAYER_IDLE: That connection’s important.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks for sharing about Zeph. It’s a small world, hey?

OZZY_HAPPY: Very.

It’s a pass

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Nah, I’m so done with that part of my life. The past is the past.

OZZY_IDLE: Makes sense. I just wanted to give you the choice.

OZZY_IDLE: One thing I can tell you, you have nothing to worry about with Amelia.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I did suspect her in the moment.

OZZY_SAD: I get that. But I’m certain she’s got your back.

OZZY_SERIOUS: I get it if you’re worried, though. I’ve dealt with sibling drama, too.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: I thought you were close to your family?

OZZY_SERIOUS: Oh I totally am. Just saying, close doesn’t always mean perfect.

OZZY_IDLE: If you’re still looking for info, though, try {0}.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: But he wasn’t even involved.

OZZY_EMBARRASSED: He stayed out of things last night, but he’s definitely not uninvolved.

OZZY_SERIOUS: Think he was there for the chat that started it all.

OZZY_IDLE: Like I said, though, don’t take any of this too seriously.

OZZY_HAPPY: The right people will always know you’ve got good intentions.

PLAYER_HAPPY: Thanks, Ozzy.

You leave him to it and work out where the day will take you now.

&Daybeds

Amelia

You spot a lone figure curled up on the edge of one of the day beds. It’s Amelia!

She turns to you and sighs.

AMELIA_SAD: You’ve barely caught your breath all day!

AMELIA_IDLE: You’re going from chat to chat. I’m going from nap to nap.

PLAYER_IDLE: This isn’t exactly the kind of popularity I was going for.

AMELIA_EMBARRASSED: At least you’ve got offers coming left, right and centre.

AMELIA_SAD: Hasn’t quite worked out that way for me yet.

AMELIA_HAPPY: I know the problem can’t be my looks.

PLAYER_HAPPY: I can vouch for that!

AMELIA_HAPPY: I’m happy every boy in here knows you’re girlfriend material.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: Not every boy.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Well nearly! I thought Ozzy was glued to Grace, but even they’re coming unstuck.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: You really think so?

AMELIA_IDLE: Judging from how he was flirting with you earlier, no doubt.

PLAYER_FLIRTY: We did crack on a bit, didn’t we?

AMELIA_HAPPY: You cracked on a LOT from what I saw.

AMELIA_FLIRTY: There’s something about how he looks at you.

AMELIA_HAPPY: I can tell he’s got a little thing for you.

AMELIA_SAD: I think Grace might’ve noticed it too.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: Uh oh.

Amelia glances at the others milling around the garden.

AMELIA_IDLE: Do you think I’ll find someone in here?

Heads will turn your way

PLAYER_HAPPY: I don’t think anyone’s all in yet, heads will turn your way.

PLAYER_HAPPY: How could they not?

PLAYER_IDLE: Get chatting and show off your charm!

Someone new will come in

PLAYER_IDLE: We’re due some new faces, aren’t we?

AMELIA_HAPPY: 100%!

PLAYER_HAPPY: I bet your perfect partner’s getting ready to knock on the door.

You don’t need any of them!

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Who needs boys anyway? They’re more trouble than they’re worth!

PLAYER_HAPPY: Boys come and go but we’ve always got each other.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Yeah, you’re right.

AMELIA_IDLE: Though… I really did think Roberto was a bit of me.

AMELIA_SERIOUS: When he jumped into bed with me my heart fluttered. And some other bits.

AMELIA_SAD: It stung a bit when I realised he was after you.

PLAYER_EMBARRASSED: I’m sorry about that.

AMELIA_SERIOUS: All good, I’m focusing in other directions now.

PLAYER_IDLE: Ozzy told me that {0} was there when all the drama started last night.

AMELIA_SERIOUS: Maybe he’s looking to single up some of the girls.

AMELIA_IDLE: I’m not sure if I’ve figured him out just yet. What do you think of him?

I think he’s into you

PLAYER_HAPPY: I think he’s pretty into you.

AMELIA_SURPRISED: No, really? He’s kept that well hidden!

PLAYER_FLIRTY: I think some graft might be coming your way soon.

PLAYER_HAPPY: And if nothing else, he’s generous with his coffees.

I haven’t figured him out either

PLAYER_IDLE: I can’t figure him out either. But I guess time will tell us.

PLAYER_IDLE: Would he be someone you'd consider?

AMELIA_SERIOUS: We’ve had some chats but nothing too serious.

AMELIA_IDLE: Maybe it’s time to get to know him better.

AMELIA_HAPPY: Just don’t tell him it’s because I’ve got no other options!

PLAYER_HAPPY: My lips are firmly sealed!

{0}_SERIOUS: That’s a shame, because we think it’s time to have a talk.

{0}_SERIOUS: To both of us!

AMELIA_IDLE: You know what? Just to avoid confusion I’ll leave you all to it!

Amelia gives you a quick hug and heads towards the pool. You can see her looking back at you as she goes.

{0} and {1} stand shoulder to shoulder, waiting for your reply.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: Ok, let’s talk it out.

The boys pace across the lawn, friction almost crackling in the air.

PLAYER_SERIOUS: So, if we’re going to talk, one of you needs to start.

{0}_SERIOUS: I wanted to give you time to work out where your head’s at.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: Especially with how you felt about my botched gesture.

{0}_EMBARRASSED: You did want this chapter of us to be over.

{0}_IDLE: I know we didn’t cover ourselves in glory last night.

{0}_SAD: And you said I didn’t have a chance earlier.

{0}_SAD: I get that, {1}. I just wondered now things have calmed...

{0}_EMBARRASSED: If you still felt the same?

{0}_SERIOUS: It seems like we’re both pretty clear how we feel about you.

{0}_SERIOUS: But what matters is how you feel about us?

You look over both boys, carefully choosing your next words…

When suddenly your phone pings.

PLAYER_SURPRISED: I’ve got a text!

The rest of the Islanders gather around as you read out the text.

LITEXT: Islanders, tonight there will be a recoupling, the girls will each choose which boy they want to couple up with.

LITEXT: The boy not picked to be in a couple will be dumped from the island immediately {0}GirlsOnTop {1}BoysBetterGraft

{0} and {1} stare at you in stunned silence.

NARRATOR: Well, {0} and {1} certainly aren’t playing their cards close to their chest!

NARRATOR: But is {0} feeling blessed or unimpressed?

NARRATOR: She may be holding all the cards, but will she make a play for a joker, a king, or a jack the lad?

NARRATOR: Or is it time for her to go for a wildcard?

NARRATOR: Find out next time on Love Island!

[script-a-world]

Google Submitted: Follow Up - Math Genius

The previous ask in this thread can be found here.

Hey again. I had a question about a world of mathematical geniuses. I think you're correct on one thing - that I should be using the world 'genius'. You did say that maths aren't difficult - that is correct. But putting into practise - tell me, how many irl people can do all the mathematical computatation required in a plane's navigation without a computer. And very quickly, in their heads, without the need for a single scrap of paper. Can irl people learn to do that, maybe, a select few, but not the majority of the entire population, right? Now take my world. 90% of the people can do that. This is what my world does in mathematical stuff - similar to real world stuff. Which is why I said 'genius' in pertaining to that - how it is viewed from an irl perspective. If someone irl could do that, that's what we'd call them. But in my world, that is the norm - the majority can do that, and not at all thought of as 'genius' in the world itself. Although, in my world it does seem like things most certainly would progress a lot more because irl we need to wait for people to learn things. For this society, this isn't exactly a learned skill, it's generally an inherent skilled with their brains wired for this. This is the norm for the world, it's accepted like everybody can walk, everybody can see, everybody can hear. The people who can't do this are mostly only babies due to them not biologically developed enough (not unlearned - newborns do not need maths just as they do not need to reproduce either. although maths is NOT considered part of puberty, the brain develops throughout childhood, before puberty) and those with impairing conditions.. I hope this is a better question, thanks so much and keep up the good work!

Feral: So here’s the trouble that I have with your set up… Doing math doesn’t make sense as an inheritable ability rather than a learned skill because math… kinda doesn’t exist. I mean it exists in the same way the English language exists, but it doesn’t exist in the way that green eyes exist. It’s a language. It’s made up. 

For example:

C = 2r is one way you can describe what you see. “Red” is equally as accurate. But is the circle really red? Is “redness” an intrinsic property of the circle? No. “Red” is a word that we English-speakers collectively agree is most the accurate description of the most common perception of that circle, but a color-blind person won’t see red; a mantis shrimp would not see red - not the red we have agreed on in our language. It’s helpful for us to have the idea of red standardized, but “red” kinda doesn’t exist. Similarly, the formula for the perimeter or circumference of a circle is helpful for us to have standardized. The idea of a circle is helpful for us to have standardized! But while the picture I’ve included is a good representation of the concept of circle; it’s not. If I zoom in really really really close, the edges will start to become pixelated. C = 2r will still be the best way we can describe the circle as a whole, but it’s not truly a definitive, immutable, inherent property of the physical reality.

And it may seem logical to you that, say, the ability to count and to add and to state 3 + 3 = 6 is inherently able to be understood by humans, but it’s not. There are languages in which there are no numbers. There are people who do not count, even on one hand! The concept of 0 was invented (at multiple times, in multiple places) after other number systems already existed.

So if math is just a language that is very, very good at describing physical reality but not perhaps itself a fundamental aspect of reality, then just being able to do math without training does not make sense.

Furthermore, the ability to do math in one’s head has nothing to do with math ability, it has to do with memorization and access to the short term memory. Again, that’s skill. There are literally people referred to as “memory athletes,” and while there are people who may have inherent talents that make them more likely to succeed, they still have to learn the game and train for it, same as any other athlete. This article describes how some memory athletes were tested against a control group which contained members of Mensa, aka actual geniuses. 

Until very recently, all math, including flight navigation for craft exiting the atmosphere, was done without a computer - of the machine kind. Did they do it without writing anything down? No. But frankly why would they? What is the point of exerting that much extra effort? And not only that, but as mathematicians, they would understand the probability of human error. 

Math is for communication. It is collaborative. By making it all about these ubermenschen, you’re not just ignoring the fact that math is made up, you’re ignoring why it was. What makes math what it is, is that it’s shared; it’s written down. It’s expression. I think you want us to say that the society of mathematicians would dominate everyone, but they wouldn’t because they’re not a society. They’re a bunch of people who live nearby to one another, and that’s not a recipe for a particularly society or a society at all. And don’t forget that math is step one; it doesn’t magically make things come into existence. The math of flight navigation is not practical if no one can build the damn plane.

Now, as always, you can put things that are not externally consistent with reality in your work. As long as you make it internally consistent, you can call it a day. But unfortunately, I don’t think we’re going to be of any more help in figuring out how to make your math genius society function, as there simply isn’t anything we can go off of beyond “do whatever works best for your story.”

[w1tchd3str0yer]

What I found on the 1rst page of Googgle about Greek names for planets.

Astra Planeta (Αστρα Πλανητα / Astra Planêta); "Wandering Stars", "Planets" the Stellae Errantae)

//In Greco-Roman Classical Mythology, the Astra Planeta are brothers, and are five of Eos' and Astraeus' children, along with the Anemoi and Astraea, personifying the Classical planets (minus the Sun and the Moon (Eos' siblings), and the Earth (Gaia)). Uranus, Neptune and Pluto are not included, as they are invisible to the naked eye and were thus unknown to the ancient Hellenic peoples. //

There is an interesting thing that you should know to understand why I include this information here. In my research on Boiling Isles, there was some kind of celestial war between "Titans" and "Star people" deityies. Both sides have a religeous cults dedicated to them. Most of the followers are witches.

Since witches that steal human teeth are from Mars then it means they serve "star people" and therefore the "Titans" cult is their opposite. Maybe we could find some temporary alligment with "tolerable" witches that oppose this sky alien race. (But the Titan look like litteral Satan so that is questionable.)

Mercury

// Original name is stilbon (Στίλβων). In the ancient Greek religion it is the sky god of Hermaon and one of the Astra Planeta. The word, Stilbon, means shining. //

The name sounds like "stillborn" missing "l" and "r". Maybe we could get a date out of this.. L = 12 (!!!), R = 18. I have 0 ideas.

Venus

// Hesperus (/ˈhɛspərəs/; Ἕσπερος, Hésperos) is the Evening Star, the planet Venus in the evening. Hesperus' Roman equivalent is Vesper ("evening", "supper", "evening star", "west"). Also called Εωσφόρος / Φωσφορος //

Dont see anything in particular yet.. I see only "Herpies" and "Hes-per-us" aka "He is per us"

Mars

//Pyroeis (Πυρόεις) in ancient Greek religion is the god of the wandering star (Aster Planetos / Astra Planeta) Areios. He is also known as Mesonyx (Μεσονυξ; "midnight").//

Bonus: I see Me-sony-x hidden message. The company is definetly connected to demons-! Maybe it is the one sending the teeth on Mars using teleportation tech. Or magic even.

Saturn

// Phaethon (Φαέθων), means "radiant" (from the verb φαέθω, meaning "to shine"). This name could be understood as, "the shining/radiant (one)". Ultimately the word derives from φάος, phaos, the Greek word for light. Phaethon, also spelled Phaëthon. //

I think the easiest connection we can find is to Photons.. but the truth cant be that overly simple. Phaos sounds like chaos, Phaethon sounds like Python (Pythonidae). So what I am taking from this is that Saturn is a capital for Lisard people Empire. And they could be behind the egyptian pyramids. Probably they hyde a good amount of radiation inside of them, that was prodused by the mummies.

--Your №1 Fan

BUT OF COURSE......... IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

THIS WHOLE TIME. THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM HAS BEEN APART OF THIS.

NASA IS LYING TO US AND THIS IS OUR PROOF.

You're absolutely right. Of course, the rings on saturn are the roads satelliates for communication from lizards to demons.

The pyramids... the radiation.... mummy energy... WE'RE CRACKIN THIS THING WIDE OPEN.

[incarnateirony]

What's funny is, even beyond the signs she pretends not to understand. If she ever remotely understood his sense of humor or voice, she'd have had no problem sorting this out.

But she doesn't WANT to sort it out. She needs the lie.

It shouldn't be hard to tell at a glance who understands the path of the funnyman archetype of I do what I want, and who's just a karen trying to get what she wants that can't even take, much less tell, a joke desperate to get funnyman archetype energy back in her life to the point she anime cosplays as a religion and goes 0-60 hysterical.

Let's be real. If she had never mentally attached to the concept of Hermes, if Hermes somehow held a comedy standup tour that seemed like a good idea at the time, and she had no emotional established perception of the comedian, she would absolutely be the bitch whining about how offensive to an imaginary group a joke that personally upset her was. Bitch has spent multiple lifetimes trying to call his fucking manager for not being in love with much less controllable or cagable by her.

Like an eternity of willfully misunderstanding his generalized love of humanity as her wanting to be his personal pretty fucking princess no matter how much she wants to mutually spit on him or make him waste his time on lessons she refuses to learn.

One of her first roleplay encounters, even, was starting at misgauging which deity someone was associated with, but also appending "Hermes always was a dick."

Maybe she needs to go back to her instinct since she's already irrevocably blurred her roleplay fantasy to reality boundary, use that as her motherfucking justification to motherfucking let both of us fucking go.

Who is this song motherfucking for.

A monster, that's who. A monster that killed his crystal rose. And moved into her corpse. And chased away anyone that cared about the person that the body used to belong to and left only people that would feed the monster, or pick at its corpseworms. And no, not external possession; self-possession. Consumption of shadow and denial. Warped ego. When someone talks about the two wolves inside them, she already let the dark one win. And it's eating her from the inside out.

It's the dog in me. And now in her. She keeps trying to negotiate partial answers she can go halfsies to keep what she wants. With the dog in her. The dog in her doesn't care about her fucking negotiations. It's rabid, and it will destroy her until she fully rips out the virus. But again, it may be too late. Psychosis and rabies are both pretty irreversible after a few years.

Let's be real, she knows. She deadass typed the whole logic brain out herself after I had literally been saying that the entire time, but she still refuses to let herself read the words on her own screen from her own fucking fingers telling her what the fuck is wrong with this whole picture. My chaos brain, her logic brain, different brains, and the second she refuses to accept that, okay fair, we're technically all one mind, so let's see who's gonna win this fucking gnosis war. Oh, all she can do is run like a bitch, cry, and shave herself bald, got it. She's doing great. Durr "my logic brain says she's not able to help with my shadow work." bitch deadass "my logic brain says I can't fix myself and need help" and then fucking. ignores the whole rest of all the fucking things associated. Fuck me running.

Oh and add in making an altar to the leviathan you're supposed to reduce and using THAT as her shadow work guide, wonder why her Logic Brain can't help. Shit, not only the leviathan you're to reduce, but one that is like "don't build altars to me, that's fucking retarded, don't want it" in classic extant texts, fuck. How did that happen? Cuz she got Zenthus all fucked up and romanticized too, and that's what he's a depiction of, and all she wanted to do was motherfucking bang him, and she transferred it to splitforms, does she want to pretend to still fuck Aaron today, or still fuck Zenthus today. Oh sorry, they have new nametags so it's ok.

God just the random things I'm reminded of. She's so goddamn antithetical to him in every homey, homely, boring, humorless, legal screeching, manager calling, upsetti spaghetti, you can't joke or do that; the best she could ever vibe in with that wasn't shit like my old playlist was like "I TOO AM ADHD" bitch pleassssse The God Of ADHD Is A Joke. Being ADHD doesnt mean you automatically grok the entire archetype and lifestyle, much LESS his morals and teachings she objectively refuses to learn and feels entitled to ignore despite using his name; her actions are somehow even louder than her social media wailing for being forced to face herself.

bitch is literally the motherfucking caricature of exactly the kind of person he intentionally fucks with too

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY I'M SMARTER THAN PROCRASTINATION

A good piece of software, could write a whole new piece of software. But most of the work done by small groups. VCs may just sell it at a low intensity for forty years, you work as hard as you possibly can. What rational basis could they have had for saying that? Could you reproduce Silicon Valley, where the troops of the central government can't follow. That's the good part. And if they are paying you x dollars a year, then on average you must be, but as a trick for getting users to start talking to you. If this were really a meaningless question, you might be able to decrease without having to go through the government.

You can't just sit there. I do it on that computer. A round if you do it so early. So although a lot of de facto control after a series A round has in the past, everyone wants funding from them, it's good news that investors are looking for big hits. Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. You don't win fights by thinking of big ideas but by thinking of tricks that work in one particular case. This is a complicated topic. If I had to start treating it differently. Only a few companies have been smart enough to realize this so far. It's not till you start the conversation by launching the wrong thing.

I didn't realize exactly what was happening to us, please stay on the line, do you think, then choose/design the language that feels best. It's very dangerous to start worrying too late. But my instincts tell me you don't have to be careful who you pick as a cofounder, and that explains most of the surprises. Maybe that will help, if you did? Eventually you get new habits, but at its strongest it is far stronger. 0 companies were started outside the usual startup hubs, but two of them have already been reeled in through acquisitions. Mark Zuckerberg will never get to do it. He succeeded despite being a complete noob at startups, because he understood his users really well.

But it is not only manufacturing companies that create wealth. You should lean more toward firing people if the source of your trouble is overhiring. Why do people take too long on the first version of Facebook. The 20th best player may feel he has been misjudged. Let's look at our case. Why are founders fooled by this? What you need to be very good at business or have any kind of creative vision. Symbols differ from strings in that you can never safely treat fundraising as more than a mediocre local maximum: When someone is determined, there's still a danger that they'll follow a long, hard path that ultimately leads nowhere. In most other cities, the prospect of starting a startup is like a hang-glider launch: you'd better do it wholeheartedly, or not. They're not Goody Two-Shoes type good. It has to set off alarms.

One reason it's hard to change something so simple as a name, imagine how hard it is to do a really good job on anything you don't think about in the shower. Nerds are a distinct type of rich people, it will be easy to raise more, and the next week no one will know if you fail. A company is defined by the schleps it will undertake. Gaming the system may continue to work if you go to a new set of buildings, and do things that you do not, ordinarily, enjoy doing. And what's your real job supposed to be bound by some plan you made early on. In the Valley, lightning has a sign bit. They don't want to face what is usually the real reason there aren't more Googles is not that most towns kill startups. Fortunately if this does happen it will take over your life to satisfy a process so mindless that there's a whole industry devoted to subverting it. A decade from now the players will be hard to tell apart, and there are companies that will give $20k to a startup that has nothing more than a plan A. And more importantly, by selecting that small a group you can get over the threshold by cutting salaries a little, you might be able to enjoy them in peace. Rejection is a question, not an answer. I said something to a partner at a well known VC firm that gave him the mistaken impression I was considering starting another startup.

So you must consciously discount for that. The only place your judgement makes a difference is in the borderline cases. We were not far off: this was the sort of problems hackers are used to solving, giving customers what they want. Within the US, there are advantages to serendipity too, especially early in life. Startups hurt themselves way more often than competitors hurt them, for example, instead of making users happy. A quarter of their life. Your contribution may be indirect. When I talk to don't know whether they're default alive or default dead? There isn't so much a phone as a replacement for a phone. Because VCs like publicity. Maybe it's just because knowledge about them hasn't permeated our culture yet. That's the real point of startups.

We're trying to find the most promising range of options afterward. The startup may have more long-term plan pleases everyone. A lot of founders that was the big surprise: How hard it is to live in Pittsburgh or Ithaca. You probably do need to be solved. I do that the main purpose of a company, and a startup that depends on deals with big companies to exist, it often feels like they're trying to ignore you out of existence. The articles are full of descriptions of problems that need to be in twenty years, and then thinking of the answer in the shower in the morning is more important than I'd thought. If you work patiently it's less stressful, and you prosper only to the extent you do. The second dimension is the one you have most control over is how much things changed as they grew. When I ask people what they regret most about high school, I now realize, is that they've been trained to do for their whole lives to jump through predefined hoops.

So few businesses really pay attention to making customers happy. Customers are used to being maltreated. Optimizing in solution-space is familiar and straightforward, but you can get over the threshold by cutting salaries a little, nimble guy being chased by a big, independent company is the same as just being able to do work worth about $3 million a year seems high to some people, it will take over your life for a lot of new areas. A company that an angel is willing to put $50,000 into at a valuation of a million can't take $6 million from VCs at that valuation. Complaining that VCs were jerks used to seem as naive to me as complaining that users didn't read the reference manual. But the first is by far the biggest problem. Now everyone can, and we want to keep in close touch as you develop it further. So any language comparison where you have to pay a little more than they would in a big company is not afraid to be sued; it's an everyday thing for them to average their work together with a small group of their peers. There are two different ways people judge you. Procrastination feeds on distractions. He responded so eagerly that for about half a second I found myself considering doing it.

Thanks to Patrick Collison, Jeff Weiner, Jessica Livingston, Sarah Harlin, and David Sloo for inviting me to speak.

[ts-daydream-au-fanartfunart]

Rome didn’t Fall in a Day

I have written a fic that features absolutely 0 of the main characters and answers maybe 2 questions that nobody has actually asked and probably raises many more. You’re welcome. (It’s not required to understand anything unless people send asks about it, just some extra backstory for dadgon witch)

warnings: blood, injury, aggressive animals & animal injury, fighting, fae-style manipulation, mentions of death and illness, lowkey abusive parenting, lots and lots of peril & danger... Poor dadgon witch’s story is just a tragedy. Like, the whole darn thing.

Ao3 link

-

The Old King of Accalia did not want his eldest son to be his successor. The man was confrontational, volatile. He demanded attention and was never satisfied. He would be a great king in war, but Accalia was not at war. He would tear their land apart.

He didn’t want his younger son to be king either. The boy (for truly, he was still a boy, barely 16) was daydreamy, flighty, irresponsible. He would be manipulated, a figurehead, and little more.

But the Old King had no other children. His illness was not getting better, and he would have to choose soon. So he devised a plan.

“A contest?! Have you gone senile too?” The eldest shouted, “I am the rightful heir, you can’t just-”

“I can and will,” the King cut through his son’s protests, calm and decisive, “As I see it, this contest will give Accalia the future King it needs. Right now, I have little faith in either of your abilities to succeed as a good King.”

The youngest’s brows pinched, glancing away. The eldest’s eyes were wild. He turned to his brother, “Tell him this is useless. You don’t seriously want to be King, do you?”

The boy laughed, his favored method of soothing away unease, “I never considered the idea in the first place. Second Son gets the best job, sit around and look pretty.” He kept up his humored look, but his eyes were distant, thoughtful. “What would this contest even entail?”

“Wh- Don’t even entertain the thought!”

“It is a test of Wit, Will, and Strength. Aspects I believe are most important to being a King,” their father explained. He looked directly at the eldest, “You either participate or lose your claim on the throne altogether. This is not a negotiation.”

“Understood,” the eldest growled, glaring at his father, “Am I excused?”

The younger frowned, reaching towards his brother, “Rudilus-”

“Do yourself a favor and shut up for once,” The man whispered harshly.

The young prince winced, looking at his feet.

“You are excused, yes,” the King said, waving off his eldest. Rudilus marched out of the room without a glance back. The younger turned to follow his brother out, head lowered.

“Romulus, stay a moment?”

The boy halted.

“Take this seriously. You have all the capabilities to be a good King, but only if you apply yourself. Do not run from this. It is as much of your birthright as it is your brother’s. I expect you at your best.”

The teen stared. He was usually an animated person (another reason the old King did not take him for a good leader, wearing his heart on his sleeve) but his expression was a careful neutral now. Undecipherable. The old King did not realize the prince could hide his emotions so well. Romulus bowed, curls of hair shadowing his face, “I will, your Majesty…”

“Good. You may take your leave.”

-

Whispers followed the princes in the months surrounding the Contest of the Throne. Words spread like wildfire. News traveled to the edges of the kingdom, and beyond. 

The stadium was packed. Even the fey Courts had sent envoys. A pretty, nearly human creature (a nymph, perhaps?) with branching horns covered in moss perched herself in a booth, as if a noble. A cackling gremlin rode a flea-infested dog into the stadium. Romulus watched the gremlin snicker as it tangled a poor woman’s hair. He checked his braid, confirming to himself it was still secure and undamaged. Several solitary fey flitted around, curious. His brother and father had not acknowledged them, so he assumed most, if not all, the fey had glamoured themselves in some form or another. 

His brother had spoken to him only when absolutely necessary since the announcement of the contest. Romulus glanced at him now; Rudilus’s face a stern neutral, focused. He was still angry. It wasn’t as if Romulus hadn’t considered forfeit many times. But every time he imagined doing so, he saw visions of fire and smelled the coppery tang of blood with such vivid detail. While his father’s words echoed in his mind. “Do not run from this.” He feared the visions- feared his father’s disappointment- more than his brother’s frustration. Rudilus would get over it eventually. He always did.

The King gestured broadly, silencing the crowd. Even frail and pale, the man commanded a presence. “As you all know, we are testing the Princes of Accalia’s skills to determine who shall become the heir to the throne. They shall use their Wit and Strength, and challenge their Will. These skills are the pillars of what makes a good King. A King must be wise, solving the problems of his people with creativity and intellect. He must be determined, decisive, lest he be manipulated by his enemies. He must be strong, and know when to employ that power.” 

The King looked between the two princes, “A labyrinth has been constructed to test these skills. The first one to emerge from the labyrinth with this-” He lifted the flag of the kingdom, the sun and moon symbol glistening in the light of the early morning. “Will emerge the next king of our land. You will be allowed to take two items with you. Choose wisely.” He gestured for the servants to come forward.  A rack of weapons and items was rolled in.

Rudilus stared at the weaponry, “What’s in there that we’ll be in need of weapons?”

“Strength includes combat,” the King said simply.

Rudilus frowned, and picked up a shield, testing its weight on his arm. With a moment of hesitation, Rudilus grabbed the long sword. He twirled the blade, expectantly glancing at his brother. Romulus wandered over, quickly scanning over everything. Compelled by impulse, he plucked the shiniest thing he saw, a mirror that glinted in the sunlight, and a green dancing ribbon. Rudilus snorted at his choices. Even his father, usually stone-faced, quirked an eyebrow.

Romulus nodded decisively, wrapping the ribbon around his hand and arm. He hung the mirror on his belt.

"Ready?" Their father demanded more than asked.

Rudilus gave a sharp nod. 

"As I'll ever be," Romulus muttered.

The King gestured at a servant, abandoning them in the center podium. The wooden floor began pulling away from itself. Underneath, the labyrinth was unveiled. Their father hobbled to a booth that overlooked the entirety of the labyrinth. Romulus glanced at his brother. Rudilus continued to ignore his sibling in favor of scanning the paths as they unfolded underneath.

A bell chimed and the platform they had been left on was pulled back, dropping them into a pool. Romulus yelped in surprise, sputtering on water as he resurfaced. Rudilus recovered slower, struggling to swim with the shield. Romulus sighed a breath of relief when his brother surfaced. He swam forward to the nearest ledge, clambering up. He shook the water off himself. He glanced over the options of passageways. He went right.

Much of it was arbitrary turns influenced only by impulse. Walking endless corridors of rock. He idly wondered what would happen if he never found the way out. Would he be left to die in this labyrinth? Either to whatever creatures they had placed inside for them to fight, or to starvation? He turned left. A dead end. 

Backtracking and turning right, he was presented with a locked door. On the ground, two stones, one engraved with a bridge, and the other, a fence. A piece of paper rested between the tiles on the ground. 

Romulus picked up the paper, reading the neat scrawl of one of his father’s scribes,  “You have the resources to build either a bridge or a fence. Your neighbor has been stealing from your harvest. Harvest has been small, and you can not sustain both you and your neighbor. A fence would hinder your neighbor’s thievery. Across the river is a merchant town. A bridge would bring good trade much faster. Which one do you build? Choose your answer by standing on the appropriate tile.”

He hummed. If the neighbor was simply hungry, and the bridge would bring trade- It would solve both problems. Romulus stepped on the bridge tile, and the mechanism clicked. Romulus opened the door, and it shut behind him. 

A snarling hound lunged at him. Romulus’s heart jumped in this throat. He hit the wall. He unfurled the ribbon, eyes widening at the flash of teeth. He twirled, wrapping the ribbon around the dog’s muzzle. He took in sharp breaths as it writhed. He closed his eyes, magic tingling on his fingertips. Animals were always the easiest creatures to impress concepts to. He whispered soothing words, letting the magic filter the words into whatever impressions the dog understood best. Slowly, it calmed, its struggles dissolving into growls. Romulus heaved a sigh, looking up to the sky for a moment. He released the dog, slowly backing into the corridor. It watched him but did nothing else.

Romulus found and passed several more door puzzles, turning corridor after corridor. The midday sun was beating down on them from above. Painting the world in golden hues. A yell and a grunt of effort punctuated the air. His brother, he assumed. Romulus shivered at the possibility of any encounters with creatures he couldn’t calm. He frowned and kept forward.

He stared forward as the hallway floor in front of him shifted from cobble to smooth tile. The walls had smoothed out as well. He halted at the edge. He tapped a foot against the tile. 

Mechanisms clicked and the row of tiles slid back, revealing a pit. He glanced around. Above him, an overhead beam that once supported the upper floor. He unfurled the ribbon again. He tied his shoe to it as a weight, and after several attempts, it wrapped around the beam. He made a running leap and swung on the ribbon. Rolling forward as the ribbon slipped from the beam. 

He laid on the solid floor for a moment, taking in heaving breaths. Staring at the sun. The crowd above was a roar of sound, indecipherable. He couldn’t tell which one of them they were cheering or booing. He decided he didn’t care. He took in a breath. He put his shoe back on and picked himself up. 

Left. Right. Left. Straight. Right. Right again. He walked until he was knocked off his feet. He was thrown several feet back. He coughed, catching his breath. The creature snorted. Romulus groaned and glanced at the boar. He yelped as it charged again. He rolled out of the way, scrambling to a stand. The sun glinted off the mirror. He glanced at the object, then at the boar. He scrambled to detach it from his belt, directing the reflected light into the creature’s eyes. Blinded, the creature hit the wall, crumbling the corridor. Romulus winced, running down the nearest corridor. 

He took a moment to catch his breath. He looked up. To his left, another door. He groaned. He made his way towards it.

It was different from the others. Inscribed in the door simply was “Once you open this door, you have 10 seconds to decide who to trust, lest the ground give way under you. Choose well.”

He steeled himself and opened the door, running forward. In front of him were 4 statues. A horse, a knight, a weaver, and a noble. Romulus glanced between them all, frowning. Trust? Trust?! His father didn’t trust anyone. That’s why they were here in the first place. Why would he make a puzzle based on trust? His eyes landed on a center pedestal. The same stone as the 4 statues. He rushed forward, and, feeling the ground drop under him, he leaped. His own stomach dropped in the moment of weightlessness. Clinging to the edge of the center pedestal, he heaved panicked breaths, watching the other statues fall with the rest of the floor. He climbed up to the center of the pedestal, a mechanism clicking. A section of the floor raised back up to the door. He closed his eyes for a moment and walked forward. 

The sun had disappeared behind the castle, leaving them in shadow. The room was nearly empty, with the exception of a flag on a pole and a  door across from him. Romulus stared. He felt as if he was floating, not walking, as he reached the flagpole. The fabric was soft in his hands.

He stood there, staring, brushing his fingers over the raised embroidery of the sun and moon symbol. His heart was pounding. A million thoughts at once fought in his head to create coherency and none of them succeeded. 

Metal collided against his head. He collapsed as if he was a puppet cut from its strings, vision spotty. Rudilus stood over him, panting, sword in hand. 

“Rudy-”

“Don’t take it personally,” Rudilus said, “But I need that.”

Romulus swallowed, standing. His throat was so dry. His mouth felt like cotton.

His brother swung his sword towards him. Romulus ducked, stumbling over his own feet. He could feel the whoosh of the blade above his head.  “Are you trying to actually kill me?”

Rudilus seemed to think that question didn’t need to be dignified with a response, pressing forward. Romulus spun, trying to keep the sword in sight. Strangely enchanted by the silver of the weapon. The shield bashed against his face. Blood dripped from his nose over his lip. Copper taste on his tongue. His heart pounded in his ears. Romulus went wide-eyed. He scrambled back, unwrapping the ribbon from his wrist. 

“What’s that gonna do?” His brother scoffed. He slashed forward, cutting the ribbon in half.

He flicked the remainder of the ribbon in his brother’s face, an act of pure spite. All it succeeded in was enraging the man even further. Rudilus made a sort of battle cry and swung the sword wildly, forgoing technique and finesse. It sliced across his jawline, forcing him to scramble backward. He hit the wall, heaving panicked breaths. Each breath felt sharp, fracturing. His chest hurt.

He grabbed the mirror, holding it like a weapon. He danced around his brother, spinning into the center of the room. The sword clashed against the metal frame of the mirror. The mirror fractured on the impact, splitting Romulus’s reflection in two. He pushed back, knocked the sword back, and kicked.

Rudilus took a breath, winded. The brothers kept each other at a distance, matching each other’s movements. Romulus shifted uneasily. Could he run? No. His father would hate it if he ran. He could just hear the old man demanding they finish the fight properly. Rudilus followed his glance towards the doorway, raising an eyebrow. 

“Ha! Are you going to run? That’s just like you. Always running as soon as it gets too hard.”

He frowned, grip on the mirror tightening.

“You’re not fit for the throne if you can’t even face me head on!” Rudilus grinned, but it was sharp, all teeth.

“I don’t want to fight you, Rudy. You’re my brother.”

Rudilus shook his head and his expression hardened again, brows furrowed. “That shouldn’t matter. You’re too soft.” His older brother rushed him. Romulus ducked, kicking his leg out to trip him.

Rudilus barely managed to keep himself steady, and spun back to look at him. Romulus hit him in the face with the back end of the mirror. Romulus’s reflection shattered entirely. A dozen versions of his face stared back at him with panic. The shards fell to the ground. A gruesome gash tore across his brother’s cheek. 

“Lucky hit,” his brother snarled. He swung his sword against Romulus’s leg.

Romulus swore, falling back against the floor. The sword swung down and Romulus shrieked. He gripped the blade’s edge as it dug the tip under his eye. He squeezed his eyes shut. Blood dripped from his palms onto his face, mingling with tears. The fabric of the flag wrapped around his hand grew wet, sticky. He hissed his breaths, straining. With a solid kick to the chest, his brother went tumbling. Swordless. The blade jerked with the motion, slicing up across his eye and eyebrow. His eye stung. His palms were numb. The sword remained in his grasp, blade digging into his hands.

He stumbled to a stand, gripping the hilt of the sword. Rudilus turned, only to be faced by his own blade. Romulus kicked him down again, boot on his chest. His hands shook, grip on the blade wobbly. 

He could see his brother calculating his chances as he stared up at him. His gaze met Romulus’s for a long moment. Rudilus flopped his hands against the cobble. Resigned. “Well?” He asked as if he was waiting for judgment.

Romulus giggled. He couldn’t stop himself. He laughed and it almost sounded like crying. He laughed and it sounded almost like he thought it funny. He must sound deranged. He felt lightheaded. He laughed and tears and blood tasted the same.

Rudilus stared at him. Expression impossibly hardened.

He swallowed, calming himself. He flung the sword as far away from both of them as he could. It clattered on the wall, the sound echoing and reverberating like a bell. 

He opened the door. He barely thought about the soft fabric of the flag wrapped around his hand. He barely thought at all as he climbed up the stairwell. He heard his footsteps echo, unsure if it was his brother following him or the echo off the walls. He winced into the bright light of the sun from the stadium platform. 

He didn’t hear the cheers. He couldn’t properly listen to his father’s speech. He barely registered the royal physician fussing over his hands and face. All he heard was the ringing in his ears. All he felt was the pounding of his heart and head. Rudilus was looking at him. His steely gaze was focused on him the entire time. He was starting to feel like he preferred being ignored.

-

It was well past midnight and the crowd had long since left. Romulus had been pulled back into the castle and his room. When he was finally alone, he ensured his door was locked and climbed out the windowsill. He had only reliably mastered shapeshifting into a wolf thus far. (He would never tell anyone about the experimental shape changes. The ones that left him half covered in scales or with a tail for a week or more. When he had to pretend he was ill to hide it.) He transformed under the cover of darkness and leaped into the night.

It was one of the truest freedoms he had left. The wind in his hair, running through the woods. Listening to the secrets of the age-old trees. His paws stung with each step but he didn’t care. An unusual smell hit his senses. Like wet moss and ash but not. It smelled like… fae.

She looked as if she was waiting for him. The mossy nymph. She was there, just at the edge of the castle grounds, standing in her white dress like the silver moon. She was watching him. She didn’t scream or run. He circled her, hackles raising. Green eyes watched her back, waiting for her to make her move.

“This is a rather rude greeting for one of your neighbors, future King of Accalia,” she said, voice soft like summer rains and foxglove. 

He huffed and shook his transformation off. Human, he stood, taming his hair with a frown. “So you know?”

"It was rather easy to spot the markings of a witch. A pleasure to meet you directly. You may refer to me as Moss. Would you be so kind as to give me your name? I'd be afraid to mix you up with your brother."

"You can call me whatever you like," he said, "I'm not picky."

She quirked an eyebrow and nodded, "Very well... I saw you out there. I didn't expect one of the King's children to use magic."

Romulus shrugged, eyes flickering across her face.

Moss leaned forward, gingerly taking his hands into her own, fingers ghosting over the bandages. "Who taught you?"

"...No one. I taught myself."

Her gaze flickered up to his face, "Really? Does no one know? You poor thing." She moved to unwrap the bandage and he flinched away, frowning.

He gripped his own hang, looking away. "Everyone knows of my father's... suspicion of magic. He would not want his child playing with it."

"You're a strong Witch despite that…” Moss noted. She hummed, “You could be stronger. I could teach you."

"Teach me? Would your court even agree with that?"

"You would be king. You think the court wouldn't want a human king who was connected to them?"

Romulus stared at her. His eyes flickered to the castle, where his brother and his father would be. Then back to her enchanting eyes. "...What would you expect in return?"

The corners of her mouth twisted, like she'd won something already. Like a cat that had caught its prey.

"Only what a country expects of its King."

"A country expects many things..." He took in a breath. An overwhelming amount of things.

"Don't worry too much about it," she soothed, shifting closer. She took his hands again. He didn’t know why he let her. "I see a very promising Witch and a very promising King in you. It shouldn't be too hard to fulfill the expectations."

He stared. “When would I even have time for you to teach me magic? I’m expected to take up my brother’s old role.” He sighed heavily, "I apparently need even more etiquette classes."

The nymph hummed and pressed a smiling kiss to his knuckles. Energy seemed to rush across his hands. Romulus shivered. “At night- instead of your midnight runs, you’d come to me.”

He hesitated, eyeing her hold on his hands. “What did you just do? ...How did you even know- how long have you been watching me?”

She chuckled, “A little boon, an act of good faith.” She unwrapped the bandage on his hand, revealing a scab where a fresh wound should’ve been. “Something you could learn." 

The second question went unaddressed, ignored, but Romulus didn't find himself caring. He traced a finger on the healing injury. "When can I start?”

“We shall begin when the moon is full, little Wolf Witch.”

Romulus frowned, “Amendment to my previous statement. Call me anything but ‘Wolf Witch.”

She laughed, “Only when you provide me with a better option.”

He smirked, "Challenge accepted."

[yejiroh]

Runaway Bride

Yandere! Chrollo x Fem! Reader

Part 3

Authors note: Hello everyone! Thank you for being here for the (most likely) final part of the Runaway Bride story!

Tag list: @yanderes-are-the-best @ejeeart @misskuudere-chan @fatherrrora

***

It was a race against time. As the news reported false information, Chrollo and his subordinates continued to search for the Nen user they needed. Meanwhile, Y/n continued to change her appearance, running farther and farther away. 

A rough hand slammed against the table, a chewed bullet resting beside it.

Gripping his hair, Uvo screamed in frustration as they had lost another person. It was amazing how many people had such a good sense of smell, yet died the second they smelled Y/n’s belongings. 

“How many does that make?”

“I think that was the 19th person. “

“You’re kidding.”

“Uvo, there’s literally bodies behind your chair. “

Kortopi walked in, messy hair hiding his face like usual. He did not say anything, but a curt nod to the two made them stand up and follow him out of the hotel room. 

Feitan stood in the hallway, knife in hand.

“Anything new?”

Shalnark shook his head ‘no’ with a sigh.

“The boss isn’t going to like this…”

Scratching his chin, Uvo pondered aloud “Why doesn’t he just take their Nen and use that? Doesn’t he take Nen abilities that he likes?”

“Doesn’t work like that, and Uvo, how come you’re the one coming up with all the ideas?”

‘I’m not sure. All I did was drink a case of beer this morning.”

“What are we gonna tell the boss? It’s already been some time- oh god, what if Y/n, you know- committed-”

“She wouldn’t do that unless it would be fun. It’s not fun when you’re scared.”

“Maybe she’s not scared? Huh, what about then, Uvo?”

“Would you two please shut u-”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT!”

“Hm?”

“Call the boss now, I just figured it out! Ooh, Y/n is smart!”

“No shit Shalnark.”

“Just call Chrollo.”

***

Dark eyes stared back at each other, the only thing separating the pur reflection was the spider web cracks of the glass mirror. Phone ringing, a gloved hand went to pick it it up, pressing the speaker icon.

“Any new-”

“BOSS! IT’S INTOXICATION! EVERYONE’S DYING BECAUSE OF INTOXICATION-”

“Explain Shalnark.”

A deep breath was heard in the other side of the phone, and the younger man began to speak rapidly.

“Okay, so basically, everyone- besides us, or people who have generally been close to Y/n for a while, are either passing out or dropping dead like flies right? It’s her! A part of her Nen- I think. Some sort of precaution since she was always on the move, ya know?”

“How does that help us find her?”

“Well, we just need someone who can sniff her out without any damage- so back to our original idea, we just need to smell her out! We had the wrong scent cause we were tracking her by her stuff, not her!”

Chrollo looked at himself, mouth slightly open. Of course! How had he not seen it before? Hadn’t Y/n mentioned something like that before? Smacking his head, he began to laugh, a wicked smile plastered on his face.

“Oh god, thank you Shalnark, I can do this on my own now- let everyone know to return to the hotel, and clean up the mess. My runaway bride is coming  back.”

“Understood.”

Hanging up, the man hurried out of the bathroom, grabbing a black bag, laughing maniacally. 

Now all Chrollo had to do was get ready.

***

Sweat dripped down the side of her nose, hitting the countertop. It was to be expected that running from Chrollo of all people would be difficult. Y/n shook her head, refusing to think of why it was a bad idea to run. The bastard had too much control over her already. A hand in her hair, Y/n looked up, having forgotten that she had cut quite a bit off earlier. Eyes on her hair, Y/n inhaled deeply, calming herself as she tried to stop the tears before they could come.

Gray eyes shone like jewels, boring into her own, soft strands of ebony hair framed his face beautifully as he looked down on Y/n, arms around her, a smile on his face.

“You’re so beautiful love, smile for me?”

“Chrollo, I’m nothing special- we both know that.”

“Ah, but you are; to me, you always look like you’ve just fallen from the heavens, just for me!”

A playful chuckle from Chrollo as he blushed. It was a cold night, and the secret visits he would make just for Y/n were treasured. Holding her closer, he moved a stray strand of hair from her face, pecking Y/n’s nose. Ticklish as it was, she let out a giggle.

“Will you stay? At least until I fall asleep?”

“Anything for you love.”

“WHAT THE HELL! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ASSHOLE!”

Y/n hit the table, grabbing her keys. If she was going to dream about the man, it wasn't going to be now.

***

Various parts of red roses lay scattered on the floor thorns, petals, leaves, and if you looked very closely, pollen.  Various gifts lined the walls, all wrapped up nicely. Soon, guests would be filling the seats, and Chrollo would once again stand at the altar, and once again he would expect Y/n too walk out those doors oh so bashfully. But this time he would take her hands into his own, tell her how utterly beautiful she looked, and skip the vows- the faster, the better. 

Why was he even going through with marriage if he already had Y/n tightly wrapped around his finger, under lock and key? It’s not like they pay taxes, and he never wanted to marry- and Y/n didn’t care for it. 

‘Because it’s poetic you fool.’

This whole ordeal, just to add another story to his vast collection? Chrollo let out a laugh; to think that he had wasted precious months for the sake of poetry amused him. 

Sliding off one of the silver bands off his ring finger, he set it on the pedestal, messing up his silky black hair. 

“Why waste time slicking your hair back if you have such pretty locks?” Y/n looked up, eyes wide as her hands raked through his just washed hair.

“Gets in my face too much. And it gives me a cool vibe when I slick it back.”

Y/n stopped, bursting into laughter as she uncoiled the hair dryer’s wire. Plugging it in, she sat on the couch, grabbing a comb.

“Let me dry it properly- you're gonna get sick!”

“If you insist- there’s no need to though.”

“Sure there is! Now come on, sit here.” 

Between her legs, Chrollo hummed in content as the hair dryer blew hot air all around and the comb’s teeth raked through all the little knots. 

“I seriously can’t believe you're this pretty, Chrollo. I feel like seeing you like this is illegal!”

“Well, thank you.”

Chrollo leaned back, head hitting the couch cushion. Grabbing Y/n’s thighs, he lifted her legs onto his shoulders, basking in the soft warmth.

Heaving a sigh, Chrollo adjusted his tie, and headed out to retrieve his bride.

***

The T.V. blared as the flashy icon of the station appeared, the host and hostess of the night smiling proudly as they set their papers down on the prop desk. 

“It’s 10 o’clock, do you know where your children are?”

“Hello everyone, I’m Raiyah Ourani,”

“And I’m Bobby McOkazawoo.”

“It has now been 4 months since the disappearance of Y/n L/n. In that time authorities have been conducting investigation after investigation, but no new news has yet to be released. However, the Grungingham Ball House assures the people of Yorknew that their organization is completely safe, and for any future customers to not be shy as they have updated the security, granting the safety they desire as well as the fun time they want.”

“Coming up: Are DonaldMc’s really everywhere within 5 miles? Now, a word from our sponsors.”

“NEW! Scrubbing bubbles foam tastic-super mega ultra is THE cleaning solution to all of your dirty needs! Skin safe to use as a lubricant, and a natural cleanser! You can use it on windows, counters, and so much more!”

Y/n turned the T.V. off, rubbing her temples. Looking at the clock on the wall, it was now 0:45 p.m. Who knew so much time would pass by just from a commercial? About to grab her phone, Y/n suddenly froze; her phone was on, a text notification on the screen. 

‘Where are you, darling?’

A hand on her mouth, she quickly grabbed her jacket. There was no time, she'd have to leave everything behind now or never. It’d be too risky to go out the door- there could well be innocents or perhaps Chrollo himself.

“Please tell me he sent Uvo…”

After the first escape, she couldn’t possibly go out the window; they’d expect that. The door, or  the window?

She looked around the room: too big to go into the vents, too risky to go out the window or door. So how do you escape?

Another ping from the phone, but Y/n didn’t dare look at it. Paranoid, she steadied her breathing; can’t have them sniff her out too easily. 

But…

If Chrollo wasn’t at the door, then she could use her Nen...everyone would either die or pass out, but it would be a better fate then having to deal with Chrollo’s or any of the spider’s blood lust.

A deep breath,  she released her ability, and opened the door, running as fast as she could, not bothering to see who would have been near the door.  She could hear laughter, crunches, dancing feet- all innocents, but there had to be someone, anyone. There was no way Chrollo wouldn’t have sent someone. 

‘It’s like last time…’

Pulling her hoodie over her face, she scanned the crowd before turning around. About to scream, she covered her mouth, looking up at the man who she had bumped into.

Chrollo smiled kindly.

“Nice hair. Where have you been?”

"Chrollo, please n-"

With a flick of his wrist, he had knocked his former fiance unconscious, putting her on his back as if she had just fallen asleep- not like the locals would know. It wouldn’t matter anyways. 

He had gotten his runaway bride back, and this time, he would have his wedding and poem complete.

[admiringlove]

IX: aparecium; an incantation to always remember.

— you finally read all the other pages of his diary.

+pairing: miya atsumu x reader.

+genre: crossover(hq x hp); fluff; angst; frenemies to lovers.

+word count: 2.9k.

+warnings: FLUFF!! pls, if i don’t put fluff, some of my moots would cry(*cough* ray).

+usual customers(taglist): @babyworld @renee1414 @anotherhydrangea @seita @tobiosnoelle @weebslxt @tsukkiwaifu16 @loveusandoor @kozumebri @sarawrz @crackheadsara @kyuudere @cultsax @supernovaa-a @akaashikeijisan @b3llo-there @sugasloverr @kagebunshiin @tetsurolls @velvetfireworks @kritiiiii @1wai@seijohlogy​ @sweetrosemilktea @bellesowl @ems1des​ @akaashi-todorki @sakuric​ @irishhbamb​ @sweetsamus​ @cherriechurros @mxshimoo @bluebirdandcomrades @zukuroo @denki-core @sarahvvictoria​ @littlevoxine

+author’s notes: this is the last chapter(im def not sad) BUT i will be writing bonus parts!!

+navigation: previous, masterlist,.

You stand in front of your apartment, sighing as you close your eyes, making your way inside your bedroom and begin to pick up the cardboard boxes with the help of your wand, moving them outside into the living room for someone(who is quite late, yet again) to take to your new home.

You tie your hair up, fixing your overcoat a little as you sigh, making your way to the smallest box, placed in the corner of the room. Just by looking at the stamp on top of it, you smile. 

The memories of your time at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

You carefully sit on your knees, your plaid skirt riding up just a smidge, as you open the carton in front of you. 

To say that it was filled up completely was an understatement because right now, a few books and photographs fell out onto your lap, making you chuckle. You picked up the photographs, settling with your back against the wall and your legs stretching out, as you looked through them one by one. 

The first one—one of your graduation ceremony, standing next to Shimizu Kiyoko(the current owner of the most popular Quidditch shop in London) who was beaming vividly at the camera with you, holding up your wands as a gesture that you had finally done it. Something that seemed almost insurmountable when you first started school, and now? You all were content, happy with your lives. 

The second photograph was one from the third year, your first time in Hogsmeade. You were in The Three Broomsticks, and a mustache of the froth from the butterbeer had formed atop your lips. Behind you, a certain fox pointed and laughed his guts out. 

The next picture was from the Shrieking Shack—where all of your friends had ditched the second last day of school and spent the whole day drinking and reminiscing the past seven years of nostalgic happiness. A boy held your hand with the fondest look in his carob orbs, and you returned it. 

You gingerly took the three photos, storing them in the photo album that had also fallen out of the box in the process of you opening it. Smiling, you took out some more mementos. 

Your broomstick, the Nimbus 2001, sat at the bottom, but you excitedly removed it and placed it on the ground, saying, "Up!"

It almost made it to your hand but fell down upon grazing your fingertips. You pouted, blaming the number of years it had passed since you had played Quidditch. Peering into the box as you placed the broomstick aside, you found something even funnier. 

Cheap, piss colored hair-dye that was almost ten-years-old. 

You chuckled, looking at it playfully as you opened the top of the bottle. The disgusting odor that came from it made you grunt as you immediately placed the cap back on top, never desiring to touch that thing ever again. And once more, you placed the item in your hand to the side, looking into the box to find more things that reminded you of your happiest years. 

You couldn't believe your eyes at what sat at the bottom of the carton. 

An empty notebook with a soft leather cover, with a grey quill by its side, sitting there and ridiculing you. 

You blinked twice, making sure what you were seeing was real. Hell, you even rubbed your eyes until you could see mindless patterns in the dark. You opened your eyes, the patterns making themselves sort of visible in plain sight, disappearing after a few milliseconds when you grabbed the brown book in front of you and whispered with your wand in hand, "Aparecium."

September 2, 20**.

I don’t know what I’m doing at this point. It’s been 3 years since I started loving her.  When I saw her walk into the train today, umm, yesterday cause it’s past 2 AM now… I felt so happy?? I mean, I know I tease her and all, she’s quite amazing. She’s got the brains for it all and insults me back even when I say something stupid.  I really dunno. 3 years and I’ve made 0 progress. I seriously need to re-think my decision about my love for this girl 'cause 'Samu says there’s no chance she loves me back. Dunno if I’ll be able to stop my feelings, though. I’ve liked her since my second year. Damn me, for being such a lovesick puppy.  And to think I colored my hair for her too. [Y/N] called it piss-colored. Out of all things, why the fuck would ya compare somebody’s hair to piss? That’s utterly disgusting. I wonder where [L/N] gets these dumb ideas. Damn her, that slug. Anyways, I have class in a couple hours. G'night. 

'Tsumu. 

You immediately let out a hearty laugh, flipping to the next page when you remembered a certain encounter with the boy who wrote the diary. The day he told you he loved you, by the infamous Black Lake, he spoke of this particular page. He said that he addressed the nightly trips around Hogwarts, about how much he longs to be yours, about his happiness when he sees you, and your snarky comments that are just as, if not more, witty than his. 

September 4, 20**

Today was the third day of school. Also my first trip around Hogwarts with [Y/N] under my invisibility cloak. We snuck into the kitchens and got ourselves steak pies and treacle tarts, and then went to the Astronomy Tower where we ate them while laughing about nothing in particular. I love these little trips. They make me all warm and fuzzy inside. Dunno how to put it into words, but I really like spending time with her alone. It makes me really really really happy. I wish that someday, maybe when I'm all grown up and play for a known Quidditch Team and she's a DADA professor, we are still like this. Going around to aimless places, eating food, and laughing about the old times(or anything really, I just want to be with her even when I'm older). And just like always, she doesn't fail to throw dumb comebacks at me. I can't help but chuckle at them, because sometimes they really are offensive. Well, looks like it's time to hit the hay now, so g'night. 

'Tsumu.

You gasp as the page comes to an end, a hand on your mouth. He wasn't wrong when he said he wrote about you. You smile as a tear runs down your cheek as you flip to a random page this time, and you realize that it's written in his sixth year of Hogwarts. 

December 23, 20**

I stayed back for Christmas break this year and my dorm is all empty. So is hers, because she says she didn't want to go back home at all until the summer. I feel bad for her gran, that woman must feel lonely. 

You giggled at the line, grinning because you remember your grandma sending you a Howler, which yelled at you in the empty dorm-room for not coming home for the holidays. She said she missed you, and that your grandfather's health was deteriorating. She had also said that she knew why you didn't come back, and that it was okay, because she understood that you couldn't see another loved one go. The Howler ended on a sorrowful note, but everything eased back into its place because you remember the writer of the diary in your hands being there to comfort you when a dreaded letter came in after the holidays. You continued reading where you left off, wiping away the new wave of tears that had emerged from the memories.

Yesterday, me and [Y/N] went around the castle under the invisibility cloak I gave her. It was fun because I always get to see this little smile on her face that only shows up during these trips. We also went to the forbidden section of the library just because we wanted to look at a few spells that are probably illegal. I did accidentally kill a rat practicing the second unforgivable curse, and [Y/N] helped me hide all the evidence by feeding the dead rat to the Hippogriff she had found in the Forbidden Forest. I swear, if someone saw the way I did the spell and couldn't stop until [Y/N] threw Expelliarmus at me, they would throw me in the deepest pin in Azkaban and I'd probably never be able to see [Y/N] again. Anyway, I have to go back out for dinner now. G'night.

'Tsumu.

You, again, laughed at the man's childishness. You recollect distinctly how scared he was, that he had almost pissed his pants in the Courtyard that night. You had assured him that nothing would go wrong and that your lips were completely sealed, because he was your friend of course, so you had quickly formulated a plan to help him. And yet again, you flip to a new page, one from the fifth year this time. 

July 15, 20**

 I hate this part every year. Ever since my third year, it sickens me to come back home for summer. I can't see her because she lives in Lambeth while I'm in Westminster with my posh family. It makes me a little angry sometimes that my family is well-known in the wizarding world because this means my summers are filled with whatever my parents want me to do. The train ride back home was definitely not quiet. It was so chaotic(mostly because of the constant bickering between me and [Y/N]) and Kita-san yelled at us at the end. That was the first time I've ever seen him get angry, so he was either really fed up or we were being too dumb. Anyway, I'm gonna miss Hogwarts a lot for the next month or so, because after that I get to see her again. Honestly? Can't wait for the sixth year. I hope she grows taller, because right now, she's quite the midget. I'll write her a letter or two, but I probably won't send all of them. G'night for now. 

'Tsumu.

You continue reading it all. Page by page, parchment by parchment, word by word, letter by letter until you finally get to the last page. The one he wrote on the graduation day, where he says that he wants to marry you someday. But you don't get to read it just yet, because he walks into the room with his booming voice and boyish grin.

"[Y/N]! Sorry I'm late, sweetheart! I apparated back home as fast as I could 'cause Coach saw me slack off a lil-"

"So ya actually read it all, huh?" he smirks, walking up to you and crouching down next to you, "Ah, the last page, have ya read it yet?"

"Not the last one," you smile, "—if only I'd read these sooner, we wouldn't have gone through all that mindless drama in seventh year, right?"

"Eh, 'twas kinda worth it in the end," he shrugs, sitting down next to you and placing his thumb on your chin, "Love, you've been crying?"

You shook your head lightly, letting out a small chuckle which to him sounded like the sweetest melody on the face on the planet, "Tears of joy, 'Tsumu. You were a cute teenager in love."

He smiles with his teeth on display, his fading blonde hair falling on his face with perfection as he whispers, "Only for you, darling."

"I'm glad," you mutter, closing in and placing a ghost of a kiss on his lips when you realize, "Wait, shit! We have to take all of this to the House! I'm supposed to leave for Hogwarts tonight!"

"Kiss me first, then we'll talk."

"'Tsumu, you really didn't have to come all the way to Hogwarts to drop me off," you giggle, as the yellow-haired man intertwines his fingers with yours quietly, giggling along with you as he says, "Hey, now yer students get to see yer hot boyfriend that you've been with for the past eight years."

"My stupid boyfriend that did a lot of illegal things in school. You're not exactly a good influence, you know," you mumble, earning a little offended open-mouth Atsumu walking alongside you to your quarters. He continues faking the vexed expression, a hand on his heart as he says, "How could ya wound me like this, baby?" 

"I love you though, so it's justified," you say, opening the door and placing your trunk by the bed. He closes the door, leaning on it with his arms crossed over his chest as you set up your things in the room. When you turned around, you saw Atsumu looking at you with the most enamored look in his clove-infused eyes. You sighed, your shoulders immediately relaxing when your orbs land on him by the door. You step towards him, your beige trench coat trailing behind as you wrap your arms around his very muscular figure(now that he's a part of Nottingham Jackals as a Beater). 

"You're going to leave, aren't you?" you mumble against his chest softly, as he chuckles out, "Yer lucky ya get to stay in Hogwarts when I'm gone. Everything's gonna remind ya of me."

Before you open your mouth to retort, your boyfriend says, "Don't worry, slug. I'll send ya letters everyday. And I'll come to meet ya twice a month. Maybe you can even let me meet yer students."

"'Tsumu, no-"

"Imagine! Children and teenagers, all of 'em love me to death. They'll love yer class, even more, when you make me meet 'em!" he exclaims, his eyes filled with curiosity, "Also, also! What about the third years? I wanna be there when the boggart lesson goes on-"

"'Tsumu, no. The school won't allow it. Although, my students do come and ask about you a lot because they like your Quidditch playing skills. They're not idiots like me, they won't fall in love with your stupid personality," you chuckle, pulling away from the hug, but still holding his arms with yours. He pouts, pulling you into a soft kiss, but immediately pulling away and winking at you, "I'm gonna see ya in a few weeks. Maybe I'll take ya on a date to Hogsmeade again, we can sneak into the Shrieking Shack again under that invisibility cloak."

"'Tsumu, I'm a teacher, not a student!" you laugh, but he simply says, "If anything, that gives us an excuse!"

Miya Atsumu never expected you to be agitatedly running around in your green-room, trying to find things for your hair and make-up. He chuckles lightly because all the other people in the room can do is shake their heads and sigh at your frantic state. Your maid-of-honor, Kiyoko, tried to calm you down about half an hour ago, but it was to no avail. 

Atsumu sent Kiyoko a knowing glance, to which she and all the other bridesmaids stepped outside for just a minute. 

"[Y/N]," he says, his voice low but still soothing. You stop in your tracks, turning around and gasping as you looked at him—clad in sweatpants and a white shirt—and widened your eyes. 

"Dummy, you aren't supposed to see me just yet! Go away and wait at the altar!" you yell, walking over to him and attempting to shove him outside the room. 

Emphasis on the word, 'attempting'. 

"You look exactly like what you are right now, a slug. So listen to me, love. I need to give ya something before you start stressin' out all over again," Atsumu murmurs, placing his hands on your shoulders tenderly as he pulls out a book with a leather cover and hands it to you. 

You sigh, picking it up as you sit down by the vanity. Atsumu looms behind you, crouching down to whisper next to your ears, "Love, open the last page, will ya?"

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion, turning your head to look at him with exasperation. He places a peck to your cheek, humming indulgently as an indicator for you to continue as he instructed. You sigh again, shoulders drooping low as you turn over the book and open it, and muttering, "Aparecium."

July 2, 20**.

I want to marry [L/N] [Y/N] someday. 

Miya Atsumu. 

From the last day of the seventh year, and Atsumu continues to explain to you that during the train ride back home when all of you were sleeping, was when he wrote the last entry of his diary, and never opened it again. Because he knew, that he meant every word scribbled on every page. 

You sat there, listening to the man with the messy faded blonde hair, losing yourself in his perfect brown eyes all over again. You felt as if you were diving deep into an ocean of pure chocolate, the sweetness and the slight bitterness getting the best of you as you drown—but voluntarily, because drowning was your intention. 

"I love you, Atsumu," you say out of nowhere, cutting him off. He stops abruptly, his eyes growing wide and his mouth forming into a pout. His lips form into the brightest smile ever, as if the rays of a thousand suns meeting at one point. His boyish grin melts your heart, as he presses his lips to your forehead and says, "I love you more, darling. Now, take a breather, will ya?"

"Oh, and before I go. Don't disappoint me today, slug. I've been waiting to do this for the past eleven years."

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

i’m not crying. yes. 

[anzcty]

Analysing Episode 6 Sylvie - her actions, her choice and a whole bunch of theories (Spoilers!)

After watching the Loki finale, I have been scrolling through Tumblr for quite a long time. I already knew that people's opinions were gonna be incredibly different but I definitely did not expect this much negative backlash. Especially when it comes to two specific topics - the Sylvie and Loki kiss and Sylvie's betrayal (/choice/actions). I'm gonna be talking about the latter, for it is another time I'll talk a lot about Sylki's relationship. (Beware that this post is also really long though)

First of all, everyone has different opinions and I respect that. I absolutely adore movies, books, TV-shows and videogames because despite what's happening within the story, each viewer has the opportunity to see something else in what they are shown (besides the obvious canon). What I mean is that everyone interprets certain scenes differently and gains the opportunity to make up theories. Therefore I want to clarify that I do, by no means, want to force my views upon others. It's nice to see people talk about the Loki Series (as long as it doesn't get too negative and hateful, iykwim) because every viewer can share their specific experiences with it :)

I'm gonna analyse Sylvie's character a bit ( because, well, I'm bored and I kinda wanna protect my beloved character that I've only had for a few weeks >:^0 AND the only thing I could think about the past day was this episode) and try to explain her actions in the finale (keep in mind: not justifying them, but explaining them).

I'm terribly bad at concentrating on one single topic point so I kinda made a 'list' with questions and whatnot that I wanted to dive deeper into. Your thoughts are also more than welcome!

I already want to apologise for grammatical mistakes, for I am not a native english speaker.

Sylvie's reason for being taken away by the TVA is still kinda unknown

You know, I've heard quite a few theories about Sylvie's nexus event by now. Some people say that she got taken away because she was playing with her toys in a way that indicates her having a good heart (playing as a Valkyrie and wanting to save someone, another hint may also be the reaction she showed towards someone else who got kidnapped by the TVA, yelling at the soldiers to "help them out"). Another theory is that she already knew she was adopted, unlike Loki who found out way later than her. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but we never got to hear the actual reason why Sylvie got kidnapped. Even Renslayer didn't say a word about it.

Now I'm gonna come up with yet another theory. What if Sylvie didn't really have a nexus event in the first place how we know it? In the final episode, Kang has said that he has planned out everything beforehand so both Loki and Sylvie would end up right in front of him. Did Kang's plan also possibly involve him getting killed by Sylvie? Hear me out: We don't actually know if the Kang we saw in episode 6 is the actual 'nice' Kang and not one of his evil variants. He has already talked about 'reincarnation', so who says that after ending the first universial war, Kang didn't reincarnate into someone with an unpure heart (aka, one of his evil variants)? That'd mean that the real Kang would have been killed and the Kang we've seen in the finale is actually an evil version that simply lied to both Loki and Sylvie. Besides that, we also don't know if Kang actually had that 'point' where he didn't know what would happen next. The show revolves a whole lot around trust, not only regarding the characters, but also the viewers. Who's to say that Kang said the truth? Maybe he planned it all out: He created the TVA, let Sylvie get kidnapped and therefore give her a reason to hunt after Kang, who in return could reincarnate if he got killed OR get killed and therefore give his other variants a possibility to conquer the universes yet again. Don't you think that it was kinda suspicious that Sylvie escaped so easily out of Renslayer's hands? The one person who's probably closest to Kang? (Even though, yes, she doesn't know who he is but Renslayer seems to play a very important role in his plan). What if the Kang we saw was the nice Kang though? Would he plan everything up to a point where another universial war would break out because he might know that there is indeed something/someone out there who could end it and therefore, possibly end Kang as a whole or create a new kind of system revolving around the universe? And therefore, get rid of the possibility of another universial war happening? Who knows. I am definitely overthinking and reaching at this point. One more thing that stood out to me while thinking about the episode again today (which kinda weighs more into my theory of Sylvie being a keypoint (or rather a puppet) in this plan): Kang has talked about his Tempad and that he knew that he would need it to have enough energy. But for what? Yes, his initial idea was to give it to Loki and Sylvie to rule over the TVA, but what if it was supposed to be used for another reason? Sylvie used it to transport Loki back to the TVA (though I kinda think he was accidentally transported to another timeline, hence the reactions of both Mobius and Hunter B-15) and therefore get rid of the only thing that could prevent Sylvie from killing Kang. The Tempad was used to secure Sylvie's path and therefore eradicated Kang's only option of safety. You can see the Tempad loosing it's glow after Kang was killed, possibly due to Kang himself being the origin of it's energy. But maybe, it only had enough energy for one specific action: getting rid of Kang's protection. I do think that Sylvie is now stuck at this place and somehow has to find a way back to Loki's reality. The Tempad clearly doesn't work anymore (at least in my opinion) and there was quite a long shot showing the Tempad up close, which is kinda suspicious tbh. Also, something regarding Sylvie's unanswered nexus event feels kinda odd to me, too.

My theory in conclusion: Sylvie (and Loki) are unconciously helping Kang with his plan (a big, big, BIG plan). They're his puppets, especially Sylvie, because she's the one who created the Multiverse to begin with. Think about Loki, who was said to be manipulated by Thanos in Avengers? It's basically the same train of thoughts.

Sylvie does not take Kang's offer into consideration

To be honest, this was something to be absolutely expected of her. Sylvie was kidnapped as a child, taken away from her home and family, and had to grow up in countless apocalypses where she could never form a real bond with anybody because she knew that those people were all going to die anyway. (Please don't judge me if I got that wrong, maybe I understood the next thing wrong? Idk, if so, I'm very sorry) She revealed that she was kidnapped way before Loki was even born (something I have to think about, too, because, if Loki is the actual Loki the other variants are based off, why did he exist after Sylvie? Wouldn't that make him a variant of Sylvie instead? Idk timelines and parallel universes are hard to understand for me :') I'm kinda stoopid ), therefore she must've had spent several decades of her life running away. She had no life at all. Her only goal was to bring down the TVA and whoever is behind it, driven by pure rage, seeking out revenge for stealing her life and basically forbidding her existence. And now that she has found said person, the only thing that'd be right for her character would be to go for the kill. As immoral as it may sound, it is the only thing that makes sense. And I am actually very happy that Sylvie's goals didn't change besides the fact that she did indeed soften up a little and has gotten someone really close to her. In contrary, it makes sense for Loki to do the exact opposite. His goals have changed. He does not act the way he did in Thor or Avengers anymore. He has found another goal for himself: to make Sylvie feel alright. He has had immense character growth and didn't take a chance to change his goals back in the Thor movies or in Avengers, (....maybe later in Thor: Ragnarok, kinda). This is exactly what I think might happen to Sylvie, too. She is at the beginning of her character arc. She doesn't take the chance to change her goal, but goes for her original goal instead. Said goal does not really have positive consequences (though, maybe it might have some? We're about to find out), which results in a so called 'negative character development', which Loki has already gone through. I think that Sylvie is gonna grow as a character in season 2 and get a positive character development in addition, just like Loki did. I highly doubt that she's gonna become the antagonist, it does not make sense at this point.

Why does she not take Kang's offer (besides her very obvious intention ofc)? That leads straight (or not so straight, pun intended) to the next thing I wanna talk about. Sylvie's distrust in everything and everyone. Besides not wanting to let other people go through what she has been gone through and wanting to let people have a free will, she also does not trust Kang with his offer of 'ruling' the timeline. And it might be because she also does not trust the one she'd be ruling with: Loki.

Why does Sylvie not trust Loki?

I don't even have a specific answer to that, except that Sylvie has an incredibly thick wall built up around her. Loki has always been portrayed as the one you should not trust because he's known for backstabbing people. Loki could have thought the same about Sylvie, but he didn't. Due to his character arc, he himself has learned to trust other people and tries to redeem himself with making himself a person others can trust (He may project that onto Sylvie, meaning that he puts his trust into a Loki variant and therefore in himself, too). You can connect that fact with both Sylvie and Mobius. They're both people who are incredibly important to Loki. He wants them to trust him. He openly told Sylvie about his mistakes and tells her that he's not that person anymore. Sylvie on the other hand does not trust that easily and is - in my opinion - a very important key regarding Loki's character development. It is incredibly hard for Sylvie to trust others (probably due to her trauma) and it therefore creates a very difficult situation for Loki, where he has to 'prove' himself as trustworthy. It's basically about 'trusting yourself' if you put it that way. It's something Loki has to learn about himself: not betraying the trust of others. Sylvie might have to learn something like this, too: learning to trust someone else. It's kinda like a two sided coin - one side is about putting trust in others, whereas the other is about gaining trust from others (and what you do with it). (Good) Relationships in general are always based off trust and honesty. So in order for them to be able to have healthy relationships with others and themselves, they have to learn about trust within themselves (I hope you understand my point, I got carried away, sorry). Loki started to trust Sylvie very easily (maybe because of love? Maybe because of something else? There are still a lot of unanswered questions) whereas Sylvie doesn't trust Loki very easily. Sylvie's character arc might (hopefully) carry on with this topic in the next season.

Was that kiss initiated due to emotional or practical reasons?

Kinda both, somehow. I do think that Sylvie used the kiss to her advantage but you can also clearly see how moved she is while hearing Loki's words. Facial expressions are insanely important when it comes to acting and both Tom and Sophia delivered perfectly. You might've already heard of the quote "The eyes tell more than words could ever say". Look at Sylvie's face when Loki tells her that he wants her to be okay. She is teary eyed, sighs even. She is indeed touched by his words and I strongly think that Sylvie also has non-platonic feelings for Loki, despite barely showing anything.

Here's a snippet out of an interview with Sophia:

(Source)

Both Sylvie and Loki are said to be people who can not trust others. They both have a vulnerable side though. Loki clearly showed that several times when with Sylvie (singing to her, the blanket scene, the comfort scene in the room of the timekeepers, the confession of wanting her to be okay) and is also shown incredibly vulnerable at the end of episode 6: there are several shots showing him, crying. Sure, we have already seen Loki cry a few times beforehand but this time, it's different. He cries because the one person he is the most vulnerable with doesn't trust him, and that does hurt like hell. By the way, if you look at the close-up shot of Sylvie after she yeeted Loki back into the TVA, you can see pain in her eyes, too. But that pain quickly shifts into rage and determination. Something that I have to admit was incredibly well executed by Sophia and the people who directed this shot. Sylvie does show her vulnerable side for a brief moment before putting up her walls again and reaching for her goal.

In conclusion: I think Sylvie initiated the kiss as an emotional response to Loki's words but also used it to distract him to be able to kick him back into the TVA at the same time. Keep in mind that it was because he was in her way of fullfilling her goal. She didn't want to kill or hurt him, so she sent him away instead. So, yes, I think the kiss had both emotional and practical intentions.

Did Sylvie betray Loki?

Even though it really felt like she betrayed him, she didn't. Let me tell you why:

Loki knew exactly what Sylvie was gonna do after reaching the person behind the TVA. Loki supported her all the way up until Kang suggested a deal to them, that's where Loki's and Sylvie's paths divided. Loki is a very smart character, he outsmarts a lot of Marvel characters and therefore I think it's very in character for him to consider one part of the deal and outweigh the pros and cons. Not because he wants the throne, no, but because he wants Sylvie to be okay. A universial war could lead to countless casualties - possibly those people close around him, so of course he would want to keep her safe through that decision. Making them both rulers over the TVA and the sacred timeline would probably guarantee a strong protection from several threats. Also, maybe he thought about the possibility of Sylvie regretting her decision (which she clearly did in the end) and wanted to protect her from even more emotional pain. But as we know, Sylvie's intention has always been laid out in front of her and it didn't change. Loki knew what choice she was going to make and merely tried to change her way - without being successfull.

I don't really know what to think about this scene though. To me, it doesn't meet the requirements of a 'betrayal' but at the same time it does feel like one. It's very difficult to explain :'D

Also, I've seen some people asking themselves how or if Loki will ever be able to forgive Sylvie for making her decision. Let me assure you one thing: he will forgive her. He has said it himself: "I know what you're feeling, I know what you're going through". He has been at Sylvie's point, too. Not only once, but several times already. He seems to have learned from his mistakes, Sylvie has yet to do so. ("I betrayed everyone I've ever loved" is a line to keep in mind now, too. Maybe it could even be projected onto Sylvie this time, because Loki is indeed very dear to her) If there's someone out there who can empathise with Sylvie the most, it is Loki.

Why would Sylvie straight up cause another Universial War?

As I already said. Sylvie's arc is a negative character arc. It does not end well and causes a lot of chaos. Think about Peter Quill in Infinity War and his rage moment on Titan. They could have had the infinity gauntlet way before but Peter got emotional (understandable) and therefore destroyed the chance of an early good ending. The same happened with Sylvie. Her decision was mostly emotional, but also practical on the other hand (giving people free will and freedom). She will face the consequences and I'm pretty sure she's gonna redeem herself and tries to help fix the big mess she has caused.

Sylvie's breakdown

Another scene that was absolutely brilliant was the scene after Sylvie has killed Kang. She backs off slowly and then slumps to the ground, breathing heavily (now that I think about it, I think she even started to cry). She has waited for this moment her whole life, but now that it's done, it kinda feels like she didn't exactly get what she needed. Hunter B-15 has already mentioned it before that Sylvie needs to hunt the person behind the TVA down, unlike Renslayer, who only wants to find out who it really is. Although Sylvie might have recognized that this wasn't everything she needed at this point. We already got to know that she didn't have a clue what to do after she's done with the TVA. She didn't have a goal beyond that. And now that she has reached the point where she is clueless, she might have recognized what she really needed beyond finishing her goal: friends, a life, literally anything that doesn't make her feel alone. And she literally just kicked that one thing away from her. Loki, the one person who has been closest to her and gave her the feeling of not being alone anymore, the feeling of having a friend (or someone more than a friend), has been pushed away by herself. I think that in this exact moment where she sinks to the ground she recognizes that not trusting Loki was a mistake this time and that revenge isn't enough to satisfy her forever.

But maybe that one thing that will satisfy her for a long time is something she's returning back to in season 2. I am so excited to see her again and find out more about Sylvie's character!

Thank you so much for reading this! If you want to add something to this list or correct something or anything, feel free to do so. I'd love to hear your thoughts on Sylvie's character in the finale and what you think might happen with her in season 2 :) see y'all, stay safe and have a nice day/night!