#and I never post a picture of myself on snap or instagram

[mattslolita]

plane to paris - c. sturniolo

in which ... having been in love with him for years, you confess your undying affection for chris just moments before you meet your demise. ( best friend!chris x black!fem!reader )

warnings ; pure sadness, mentions of death, angst, crying

"𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒊𝒏' 𝒐𝒏 𝒂 𝒅𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒔𝒅𝒂𝒚 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒊 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒊𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖."

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗˗ˏˋ ꒰

"now boarding, paris, france at gate seven."

you sighed gently, checking your pocket to make sure that your passport and plane ticket were present — this art gala in which you were invited to showcase your own art would be an amazing experience, as well as a much needed vacation from the things you faced at home. the life surrounding your best friends was something they loved you to be apart of, but you couldn't shake the suffocating feeling it gave you. of course, it didn't necessarily have anything to do with their fame — the problem is between you and your best friend chris. but honestly speaking? this problem had grown when you made the mistake of slowly falling in love with him over the years.

anybody with eyes and common sense could see how you cared for chris — everyone except himself. you'd follow him blindly to the ends of the earth like the lovesick young girl you had been, and over time you learned to hide it from everyone; you lied, saying it was a silly crush that you had eventually grown out of. but you couldn't lie to yourself — you would always love chris.

taking one last look at the airport, you get your passport and ticket scanned, then hurriedly walk past the gate. pausing just briefly, you look up and examine the delta airlines with its door open, urging you forward. just then, you feel a wave of uncertainty — something inside was telling you that things were a little off; you quite possible could have been about to make a mistake. but your heart was telling you that for once, you needed a break from the seemingly never ending unrequited love cycle you fell into with chris.

once on the plane, you walked down the row until you reached your designated seat — you hoisted your bags overhead of you just as a sweet looking older woman came to reside next to you, carrying nothing but a pocketbook and gold fountain pen. you take the window seat and she casts you a warm smile as she sits down next to you.

"and what takes you to paris, my dear?" the woman asks you, her eyes twinkling curiously as she studies you.

"oh, um there's an art gala that i'm supposed to be attending," you explain to her, "they're gonna present my art, too."

"that's just wonderful!" the woman smiles, but she tilts her head at you, "and you're going alone? no handsome young man will accompany you?"

you laugh sadly, shaking your head. "i'm afraid i'll be making this trip by myself."

she nods to you in content, and that's when you notice she takes her pocketbook out as well as the fountain pen, which piques your interest. "may i ask what you're writing?"

"why, today's no better time but to write my will," the older woman tells you. as she looks into your eyes, you notice a glimmer in them, sparking up the uncertainty you felt moments before you boarded the plane.

you nod in understanding, deciding to take your phone out of your pocket — opening instagram, you snap a quick picture and caption it 'taking off.' you added the location of the boston airport then posted it to your story, letting out a small breath; then you took your airpods out and clicked shuffle on a playlust, enjoying the music that flowed throughout your ears, as the plane ascended into the sky.

chris sturniolo had finally been able to have a break from his job, and he and his brothers decided they would come back to boston to visit their parents and best friends — nathan doe and y/n l/n were chris's best friends who lived in their hometown, and he didn't get to see them as much anymore.

truth be told he missed the days of their youth when they'd spend every day attached to each other's hips; chris and y/n were thick as thieves, and he missed his partner in crime — her smile, her laugh, the usual box braids she wore with the charms he helped put in her hair, the way she could walk into a room and instantly make those around her happier, her artistic nature...

unfortunately though when chris had arrived with his brothers at nate's house, he informed them about your art gala in paris that would display your art. he couldn't be happier for you, as he knew art was one of your greatest passions — he just wished he'd had the chance to say goodbye and good luck to you before you departed.

when you and chris were twelve years old, your father up and left out of the blue one night; the next morning, you found a note he wrote to you — he ended it saying 'this isn't a goodbye, y/n. i'll see you later.' from then on whenever you and chris departed from each other, you never said goodbye — it was always see you later.

chris, his brothers, and nate currently resided on nate's living room couch to watch the celtics basketball game that was taking place at the moment. if you had been there watching with them, you would've been laughing with nick about how overdramatic nate, chris, and matt were being. he smiled at the thought, picking his phone up from the side of him as the game continued.

he opened instagram, and your story popped up first much to his relief — a picture of the wing of the delta airline plane stared back at him, as well as the caption 'taking off' with a white heart residing next to it. chris smiles and presses a like to the story, silently hoping that you smiled at the notification.

just then a strange feeling tugs at chris's heart; and he realizes he'll be missing you longer than he thought.

he reaches for the remote that sits on the dining table in front of the four boys, causing nate to furrow his eyebrows at the boy. "c'mon man, what're you doin?"

"m'just turning it up some," chris explains.

his finger however misses the volume button and lands on the channel one instead, causing nate and matt to groan furiously as it switches to the news.

"dude, you just-"

"hold on, quiet for a sec," chris says suddenly as his eyes find themselves glued to the headline staring back at him.

"just in about an hour earlier, delta airlines plane to paris catches fire and crashes just before reaching new york. no information yet on what caused the fire, but the innocent lives of 200 passengers including the plane's captain had been lost today on this tragic afternoon."

chris feels his heart drop and sink to his knees, frozen in place as tears fill his vision, blurring his waterline — matt is quick to get up and curse profanities as tears stream down his face, whilst he shakes his head; nick cries to their parents on the phone, telling them that it wasn't fair; nate babbles about how it couldn't be y/n's plane from boston as tears cascade down his cheeks.

chris can hardly breathe in this moment, hearing his heart beat wildly in his eardrums — no, he refused it. there was just no way that she was gone. he wanted to sue boston airport for allowing a faulty plane the permission to even take off.

how could they take off with you on that plane?

it wasn't fair — you were so good, so pure at heart. you had an amazing soul, always helping and giving to those around you whether it was monetary or as simple as a much needed hug. and oh, the way you loved — you loved people with such a strong force that anyone around you could feel the aura, could see the love you projected. chris has witnessed it more times than he can count.

he knew it because of the way you loved him — and for so long, chris wanted to love you with the same force you loved him.

a ding from chris's phone causes him to look at the cellular device in disdain, expecting either his parents or your mother to have been calling him — what he didn't except, was to see a voicemail.

from your number, that only just came through.

"she called me?" chris whispers, his voice cracked and barely audible, but it was enough to make nick, matt, and nate stop in their tracks. chris hesitantly presses play on the recording, holding the phone to his ear has his glossy eyes remain glued to the tv screen in front of him.

"hi, chris.

before i got on this plane, i sensed this weird feeling that i can't really explain for some reason. originally i was gonna facetime the groupchat when i landed, but then i looked over to my sweet older lady friend next to me, and she was writing her will. and it made me realize tomorrow isn't promised so if i don't say something now, you might never know it.

i love you, chris. more than you'll ever know, and not in the way of just friends. i'm in love with you, and i have been since we were kids. i'm not sure that i always did a good job at hiding it, since nick and nate used to tease me about it for the longest. matt would too, but he was definitely understanding about it. they were always telling me that i needed to confess to you, but i was too scared to ruin our friendship and lose you altogether. and besides, i'm almost certain that the way you loved me was strictly platonic. i want you to know that i would never get mad at you for not reciprocating it, because you can't force what you don't feel.

if by a miracle though you did feel the same at some point, i understand how difficult i probably made it for you to want to express your feelings to me. i've always been extremely happy for you and your past girlfriends because even if it wasn't with me, one thing i always wanted was for you to be happy, no matter what. i'm so thankful to have you as my best friend, and i wouldn't trade you for the world. even if i have to do it in silence, i will be in love with you till i die, and even after.

mon amour, je suis tellement désolée merci de me faire sentir aimée je sais que j'ai besoin de toi je t'aime pour toujours je promets que ce n'est pas un au revoir

i'll see you later, chris."

( lilly's section 💌 )

this is my sign to stop listening to plane to paris on repeat😭🙏 but i absolutely love nessa DOWNNN so yeah. i really hope y'all liked this fic ! muah, i love you all always. 💌

@luverboychris @muwapsturniolo @mrssturnioloo @mattsturniolosleftnut @sturnprime @thenickgirl @guccifrog @nickgetsmewetter @eyeliketoeatpoosay @e1ias3 @sp3aknaur @middlepartmatt @summerssover @riasturns @sturn777 @l0akkzz @hysteria-things @pinksturniolo @chrissturniolossidehoe @chris-slut @hoesformatt @raysmayhem-72 @lanas-doll @chrisssluttywaist @mbbsgf @jetaimevous @chaossturns @cottoncandyswisherz @oliviasturniolo21

[writingstoraes]

Secret trip part two? With like the guests pictures, well wishes and some honeymoon posts from the newly weds 🤞😍

the days after 🏝

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine, social media au (heavier on the ig part hehe)

notes: thank you sm for requesting, lovely! i hope you like this 🤍 reqs are still open! (tho patience is required i have varying levels of productivity lol) posting next would be the part 3 of split! lmk if anyone wants to be tagged hehe

about: after revealing the private wedding you and charles had in italy, here's what came after!

this is the part 2 to secret trip! read it here.

carlossainz55

liked by pierregasly, landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 984,221 others

carlossainz55 Suited up and attended something 🥂

pierregasly What's with the mystery everyone knows Charles and Y/N got married

carlossainz55 Mind your own Insta, thank you very much?

scuderiaferrari Looking sharp, Smooth Operator! ❤️

danielricciardo Okay we see you Mr. Secrecy 😁

carlossainz55 I'm not hiding anything????

landonorris People literally know you attended a wedding

carlossainz55 IT WAS JUST A CAPTION? Can't I post a picture of myself in peace? 55sainzz LMAOOO THEY WONT LET HIM BREATHE 😭

pierregasly

liked by arthurleclerc, lorenzotl, yourusername, and 564,983 others

pierregasly Somewhere in Italy, two of my greatest friends tied the knot. Congratulations to the two best people I know ❤️ Grateful to be a part of this magical day and I only wish you two the happiest of days. Seems like it was just yesterday when Charles was boasting how you finally texted him back 🤣

estebanocon I am not the best person you know?

landonorris Hurts, right?

charles_leclerc The last part was uncalled for... but yeah I was proud :D

charlesmcqueen hes been whipped for her ever since god i have seen what you have done for others

danielricciardo See carlossainz55 this is how you do a greeting

carlossainz55 I am going to post one can you all wait damn

danielricciardo

liked by lewishamilton, maxverstappen, georgerussell63, and 849,273 others

danielricciardo Almost a year ago, Charles and Y/N asked me to take some pictures of them to commemorate their engagement. Believe it or not, these pictures are outtakes and unplanned. I happened to catch such beautiful moments between the two of them and now I just witnessed them celebrate their love for each other.

Congratulations, yourusername and charles_leclerc!

landonorris Another smashing greeting related to the wedding, carlossainz55 can't relate 🙏

carlossainz55 I am about to block all of you

yourusername melting at your caption aside, why am i only seeing this now, daniel?

danielricciardo Saved it for a second wedding gift 😁

gaslyscar Jesus i am never going to experience this am I 😪

lewishamilton

liked by charles_leclerc, mercedesamgf1, susiewolff, and 1,001,223 others

lewishamilton Was not able to snap some pictures from the wedding but luckily, I have this in my gallery from all the times I have spent third-wheeling with them. I think the smiles on their faces say it all. Congratulations, newlyweds! 🤵👰

charles_leclerc Million thanks for telling me what her name was, mate 😆

lewishamilton You're also welcome for the texts I helped you construct cause you were too afraid to send one britcedesbro sir lewis hamilton professional matchmaker???

carlossainz55 At this point who hasn't third-wheeled with them?

yourusername hey you guys make it seem like it's a bad thing charles_leclerc And we pay the bill to compensate???

carlossainz55

liked by maxverstappen, charles_leclerc, yourusername, and 678,234 others

carlossainz55 Such an unbelievable experience to witness Charles and Y/N's journey as a couple. A witness since their first date, the first time Charles introduced her to Ferrari team members, the day Charles told me he was out picking a ring, up to being the first to receive the good news that Y/N said yes. I only wish you guys eternal moments of love, happiness, and peace ❤️

And before the entire grid comes at me for this, yes I am capable of doing a proper greeting. Thanks.

yourusername hmm, seems like you're doing this to prove something, carlito

charles_leclerc Totally, out of spite carlossainz55 I cannot catch a break from all of you 😐

landonorris Their faces aren't visible

pierregasly Where are our pictures??? carlossainz55 That's it, hard blocking all of you

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, arthurleclerc, and 341,886 others

yourusername maldives with the man i recently got my last name from 🏖️

pierregasly Enjoy, newlyweds ❤️

landonorris Bring me home some shell necklaces

charles_leclerc When did you take that shot of me

yourusername when you were busy saying the stone formation kinda looks like the rock 🥱

charles_leclerc

liked by yourusername, pierregasly, maxverstappen, and 1,290,472 others

charles_leclerc Honeymoon stop 2: Iceland 🏞️ Beautiful place with my beautiful wife.

scuderiaferrari Have fun, Y/N and Charles! ❤️

arthurleclerc Me? An uncle?

yourusername no one said that, arthur 😆

forzacharles i too would wanna travel the world during my honeymoon with my significant other, all i need is a significant other

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, yourbff, and 432,208 others

yourusername various shots from our many stops. adventures with you surely does not stop here. excited to spend forever with you, charles_leclerc 🤍

landonorris I am expecting my shell necklace any moment now

carlossainz55 Can't even wait for them to unpack?

charles_leclerc Pour toujours et à jamais, mon amour 💋 Forever and always, my love.

lovingleclerc MY FAVEEE COUPLE <3

sainzzlecs my parents exactly

------------

tagging: @slytherheign, @honethatty12, @siovhanroy

notes: its actually been so long since i did an imagine that's purely ig lmao i find it hard now to not include twitter panels but anyway! i hope you like this anon <3 lmk what u guys think hehe btw reqs for charles imagines are open hehe (pls lend some patience if u send one tho) thank you for reading 🤍

posting next would be the part 3 of split! lmk if anyone wants to be tagged hehe

[writingjjfics]

Pogues to the rescue!

Pairing: JJ Maybank x kook!reader, Platonic!Pogues x kook!reader

Summary: JJ and the Pogues come to rescue Y/n from her Kook family party.

Warnings: Kooks

Requested?: Yes! See request here!

Word count: 1.4k

A/N: Guess who's back? back again? It's moi! I apologize for how extremely long this took, life got in the way 🙂 also I did change the request a bit, and got some inspiration from the midsummers episode, hope that's okay! Oh and Sarah is not part of the Pogues for the sake of the story (not my gif)

The last few hours of your life have been a bore. You were stuck at this table with egocentric old kook people who could only talk about their 'perfect' lives and their well-succeeded grandchildren. You tried your best to show interest, but your mind kept drifting off. You nodded politely at them, and every so often, you mustered up a fake smile to make them think that you were listening to their boring stories.

When you noticed that their attention was no longer on you, which was hardly surprising considering how egocentric they all are, you quietly got up from the table and left. After quickly scanning the backyard in search of your mother, you, fortunately, spotted her in a conversation with her best friends. Taking advantage of the opportunity, you made your way inside the house to use the bathroom.

As you sat down on the toilet, you felt relieved. Not only because you could finally pee, but also after hours of miserably pretending to be anything close to a Kook, you could let your guard down here, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Taking your phone from your clutch, you check for any notifications that you might have missed in the last few hours. While scrolling through Instagram, you noticed your boyfriend had posted a video on his story. In the video, JJ was smoking his Juul, surrounded by the rest of the Pogues who were dancing and singing to some song in the background.

JJ's happy smile, as he hung out with the Pogues, made you feel a sense of joy for him. The Pogues are his true family and he deserves to be this happy and comfortable all the time. Sometimes you were jealous of their relationship. Even though your family has money and shows their love and care for you in their own, unique way, you've always felt like you don't quite fit in with them. It's as if you're the odd one out. At least the Pogues always have each other and their bond is unbreakable.

You snapped a quick selfie and sent it to JJ, showing him how extremely bored you were. After putting your phone back in your clutch bag, you let out a deep sigh, realizing you had to get back to the party before your mom would put up 'missing child' posters. However, as you reached for the door handle, you heard your ringtone go off. A picture you had taken of JJ at the beach during sunset a few weeks ago, filled your phone screen. A warm feeling spread through your chest as you answered the phone, grateful that he had taken the time to call you back.

"Party that bad, huh?", JJ chuckled as he spoke.

"If I have to listen to these fake people for a minute longer, I'll pull a van Gogh myself"

You could hear JJ snickering. "That's one way to answer that question"

"Can't you just hack into a system and send some emergency alert or something?", you whined.

"Honey, I'm definitely not as smart as Pope, but what I can do is try to sneak you away?"

"Tempting as that sounds, my mom would kill me"

"C'mon baby, we both know your mom loves her reputation too much to kill her daughter", JJ joked.

You rolled your eyes. "Very funny JJ, besides I don't want to be a burden to the rest of the Pogues."

You heard JJ scoff. Since knowing JJ, you've met the Pogues a few times, yet each meeting seemed to grow more awkward than the previous one. JJ always reassures you that the rest of the Pogues just have a hard time getting comfortable around the idea that he is dating a kook, or well just kooks in general, and that it's never because of your personality. "Before you know it, they will love you as much as I do", was what he told you occasionally. But you just can't help taking it personal.

"Y/n, stop being so stubborn, and let us help you. I want you here as much as you want to leave that party. Be ready in ten. I won't take no for an answer."

You were about to protest, but before you could, the distant chatter of the other Pogues in the background went silent, indicating that JJ had already ended the call.

After giving yourself a final look in the mirror and letting out another heavy breath, you opened the door and made your way back to the party outside.

Everyone was still engrossed in conversation, and it appeared that no one noticed you had been gone. It gives you a glimmer of hope that you might be able to slip away from the party without your parents noticing. However, at the same time, you can't help but recall a few years ago when you did the same thing, only to receive a month-long grounding from them.

After nervously looking ahead for a while, and making up different scenarios in your head, you suddenly feel a tap on your shoulder. Irritated, thinking it's one of your parents wanting to remind you to be more social, you turn around.

"You look like you could use another drink. Can I maybe offer you this one?"

In front of you stood JJ, dressed up as a waiter, holding a champagne glass. He gave you that annoying but charming smirk of his.

You took the champagne from him and chugged the entire drink, making JJ chuckle.

"Thanks, you always know exactly what I need babe"

You and JJ both laughed and you turned around looking for your parents. Your mother was still talking to her friends, while your father discussed work matters as usual.

"C'mon, let's go before my parents see us leaving". You were still nervous about the consequences, but decided that, that would be a problem for later. There's nothing you want more than to be with JJ right now.

JJ took your hand and quickly led you to the front of the house. Before reaching the gate, he suddenly stopped and gave you a kiss.

"Hi baby", he spoke softly.

You smiled. "Hi, Jay".

JJ gestured with his head towards the gate. "The others are right outside waiting for us." He squeezed your hand to reassure you that it was going to be okay. You nodded and followed him.

As you turned the corner, you saw the rest of the Pogues waiting next to the Twinkie. They were talking, but stopped abruptly when they saw the two of you approaching. Pope waved shyly towards you, while John B approached you enthusiastically. "That was quick"

"Yeah, I thought those kooks would give you more trouble", Kie said, rolling her eyes and emphasizing the words 'those kooks'. You saw Pope nudge Kiara. “Sorry, no offense to you of course”, she quickly realized her mistake. You smiled weakly and shrugged your shoulder. 'Well, luckily I don't see myself as a Kook'.

There was an awkward silence until JJ cleared his throat and walked over to the Twinkie to open the door. "Let's go back to the Chateau shall we?"

You got into the back of the Twinkie first, expecting JJ to follow you, but instead, it was Kie and Pope as John B and JJ got into the front seats having their own conversation. Kie sat beside you and turned toward you.

"Hey, I want to apologize if we ever made you feel unwelcome. We just had to get used to a new person in the group, but we see how happy you make JJ and that is the most important thing for us."

"Yeah, and you're real nice and fun to hang out with Y/n", Pope added.

You smiled, "Thanks, that means a lot to me."

"And I'm actually happy there is finally a girl in this group, I love these boys but I also really need some girl time", Kiara said making everyone laugh.

You locked eyes with JJ who was already smiling and gave you a wink. A few seconds later you heard your phone go off and saw that you received a text from JJ that said "I told you they were going to love you." You rolled your eyes at him, but chuckled nonetheless. You finally felt like you belonged there.

The rest of the night was spent hanging out at the Chateau, laughing, dancing, and getting to know the Pogues better.

As for your parents, you later found out that they had tried to call you many times that night, so you ended up being grounded again, but you really couldn't care less because JJ and the Pogues were helping you through it. They would always be there for you.

aaaah the end!! so so happy I finally finished a fic again. I was busy with my graduation project and had massive writers block, but I'm back! So if you have any requests or you just want to talk to me? LMK ❤️ Okay, love you byee x

[svt-nari]

late night walks !

a/n: i’m sorry for this, it’s not my best work and it’s not proofread. i will do my best to write better things, i promise i’m not always that bad 🙏🏼 also, the time period is april 2023.

ib: this cheol’s instagram post (20230408)

“come on, cheollie!”, nari whined while tugging on his sleeve. “instead of going to the cafe, we could actually go take kkuma on a walk.. what do you think?”, she asked hopefully, putting on her best puppy eyes.

“aren’t you worried about people finding out it’s us? i don’t want to have pictures taken of us during our dat if you’re not okay with it.”, he turned to her. “if you are okay with it, then let’s go.”

she chuckled, kissing his cheek. “are you kidding? i could give two fucks about people taking pictures of us, i want everyone to know about us. i love you, you know that.”, nari smiled while holding his hand, the other one gripping the dog’s leash.

seungcheol then shrugged and held her hand, giving her cheek a quick peck and started to walk. the couple went to a park so they could play with kkuma, the genuine smile of adoration on cheol’s eyes as he watched nari play with his dog was enough for everyone to know how whipped he was for the girl.

“c’mon, go get the ball!”, she enthusiastically exclaimed, pointing towards it while the dog ran to get the toy. “good girl! aigoo, you’re so cute kkuma!”, nari giggled as the dog kept on licking her face.

“darling, be careful!”, coups exclaimed as nari started to run after his dog, her shoe ties unlaced. “you’re going to trip- aigoo! are you okay?”, he ran after her, getting on his knees to see if she was injured. even kkuma stopped to see what happened, licking the girl’s hand that she was clutching.

“i think my hand is hurt.”, she pouted, hugging it close to her.

“let me see…”, he mumbled out. a quiet wince left his lips when he saw her hand. “it’s not bad but it definitely needs to be cleaned up.”, he slightly kisses the scratched area. “let’s go home.”

“can we go walking? my house’s not that far and…”, she mischievously smiled. “seventeen street is on the way too!”

“i knew there was something else when you asked to go on a walk, you never walk.”, he chuckled, getting up and helping her too right after. “let’s go then.”

he took the dog’s leash and clicked it back in place, holding nari’s uninjured hand and started to walk. the couple was joking around the whole way, nari purposefully pushing him so he would trip and laughing whenever he almost fell. after a while, they finally got to nari’s destination.

“it looks so cute! let’s read the notes!”, she squaled. seungcheol thought it was a perfect opportunity to take pictures of the girl, she looked so focused and that beautiful glint was in her eyes just like whenever she met their fans. “woah, they really love us…”, she sniffled. “i remember when i was just a trainee and would see the other artists getting stuff like this and would get jealous and think that i wanted this for myself one day. now i can not even believe how many people actually appreciate our work…”

the leader smiled and hugged her waist, laying his head on her shoulder while he nodded. he left a peck on her neck and started to read with her, kkuma quietly laying down on their feet.

nari maneuvered herself out of cheol’s arms to keep looking while he was reading. after a while, when she saw how cute he looked, she took her phone out and snapped some pictures of her boyfriend. when he heard her giggle, coups immediately snapped his head towards her and glared playfully, a pout appearing right after.

“ya! let me see!”, he hugged her to look at the pictures, smiling when she praised how cute he looked all concentrated. “send them to me so i can post them.”

after that, they took some more pictures — mainly nari just admiring her boyfriend and the little things he does. some were practiced and others more spontaneous, nari liked those more, so she had her phone ready while they walked around the place. her wrist was long forgotten, all she could think about was this quiet and peaceful night she was having with her boyfriend.

“i like spending time with you.”, she suddenly stopped walking. “like, it’s my favorite time of the day when we have time just to ourselves. i can’t believe it took us so long to actually realize we were made for each other.”, the younger one mumbled out, head laying on his shoulder as she looked ahead.

“neither can i…”, he breathed out, content. “i love you, thanks for never giving up on us.”

“i love you too.”, she kissed his cheek. “ and thank you for never giving up on me.”

all rights reserved © svt-nari, 2023

[crashdevlin]

Losses and Gains 3- From the Rooftops

Author’s Note: This is the third chapter of Losses and Gains, the second part of To Have it All. This is Something More...from Jensen's side!

Summary: Jensen spirals. No one can stop him. no one can steal his focus.

Pairing:  Jensen x Reader, background Reader x Tom Hiddleston

Word count: 3210

Story Warnings: open marriage, mentions of depression and heartbreak, bad things, alcohol as a crutch, anger, fighting

~~~

I’m not sure how I missed the fact that I was starting to spiral, but I was convinced that I was dealing with my depression in a completely reasonable and healthy way. I was lying to myself, but I just couldn’t see that. Dee could. Jared could. Doc Jamison could…oh, and he was vocal about it, judgmental.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little selfish with how you’re acting?” he asked.

I shrugged, looking at the door, wishing I was out in the hall with Danneel. “No. I’m mourning. How’s that selfish?”

“You don’t have a reason to be mourning.”

My eyes went wide at his words, and I turned to look at him. “I don’t?”

“She’s not family. She’s not really a friend. She was a coworker, but she’s not even that anymore, is she? She ran off as soon as she was able. Do you think, perhaps, she knew how toxic this situation was?” I held back a growl and looked away, my jaw tight. “Why are you still in denial of it, Jensen?”

“I’m not in denial, you ass,” I snapped. “I’m in love…and I’m allowed to be, okay?”

“No, you aren’t,” he said, and it felt like I was frustrating him. “You were never supposed to fall in love with her in the first place. You have a loving wife who allowed you to have a sexual relationship with another woman, something that most women would never allow, and you have convinced yourself that you have fallen in love with her. Well, you’ve lost Y/n, Jensen. She broke off your arrangement because it was horrible for everyone involved. You need to move on before you lose Danneel, too.”

“I’m not gonna lose Danneel,” I argued. “That’s fuckin’ stupid.”

If I’d listened to him, if I’d been able to get out of my head, maybe I would have been able to fix it, but…I couldn’t do it. I went home after that doctor’s appointment, and I poured myself a glass of Glenmorangie, and I sat myself down in my office, and I pulled out my phone, and I started scrolling. I started on Instagram, swiping through every picture she’d posted. A pit formed in my stomach when I saw her posting pictures of her and her Marvel costars. The way he looked at her. The way he touched her shoulder. The way she smiled in every shot with him. I wasn’t even seeing the others anymore. Tom fuckin’ Hiddleston was the only one in the pictures with her.

Dee was in the doorway watching me for a good long time before I picked up the bottle and poured another glass. “What?” I snapped, tired. I was so tired.

She let out a sad little gasp and stepped into the office. “Birdie was asking if we could go for a picnic tomorrow. Not a hike, just a picnic in the park. What do you think of that?”

“I don’t know. I’m leavin’ tomorrow night and-”

“And that’s why we would have to do it tomorrow. We could do it for lunch.” I rolled my eyes and took a drink of scotch. “Please, Jensen.”

I was consumed by anger and depression, but I knew I couldn’t say ‘no’. So I nodded. “Tomorrow. I’ll make sandwiches.” Dee kissed my cheek and left with a ‘thank you’. I kept drinking, stalking Y/n’s social media until I found my way to her Facebook and ancient pictures of her and Nate. God, what did she see in him? Scrawny, scraggly, no-dick piece of shit. At least Tom wasn’t this ugly…and he was supposed to be a good guy.

I fell asleep on the recliner in my office, but I got up and had a drink before I went to the kitchen and started to make sandwiches. We went to the park, had lunch, and I tried to focus on the kids because I could barely look at Danneel. Every time I looked at her, my mind told me that she was the reason I felt so much loss.

I slept in the guest room that night. Last chance to sleep with Dee before I left for Vancouver, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I got drunk, passed out in the guest room, and then I left for the airport in the morning with barely a ‘goodbye’. I had a Jack and Coke on the plane…and then another, and another. I stopped drinking two hours before touchdown, but I was lit by then. I was still drunk by the time I climbed into the SUV.

The condo was big…cold…dark…and it felt empty. I noticed that Y/n’s thick coat was gone as soon as I opened the door. I didn’t have to keep searching to know that she’d already been by to grab her things, but I did. I walked through and made note of every single piece of her that she took from me. Every piece of Y/n that Dee took from me. There wasn’t a lot of Y/n’s stuff there, but it was enough that I could see empty spots. I could see her absence. Every room I walked through got me lower and lower. I noticed she left her toothbrush in her rush to get out…and a little 3 oz bottle of her favorite perfume on the sink. It was half empty, but when I picked it up and held it to my nose, I got lost in all these memories of her.

I laid out on the bed and cried like a fucking baby. I cried myself to sleep.

I could barely pull myself out of bed to get to the studio the following day. I had a beer for breakfast before I even got dressed. Clif shook his head at me, but he didn’t say a word. Jared was another story.

“You look like shit, dude.”

“Thanks,” I responded, trying to sound sarcastic.

“Not sure the makeup team can cover those dark circles.”

“They do it for Misha all the time.”

“Come on, man, you gotta buck up.” He reached over and lightly punched my arm, and I looked up at him.

“Buck up? That’s your advice here?”

“My advice is to get the fuck over it,” he said, dropping his voice so others on the lot couldn’t hear him. “And get over it now because she’s coming up behind you, and if you make this hard for her, I’m gonna make the makeup team have to cover some bruises.”

I went stiff as Jared stepped around me, a big smile on his face. “Y/n! What are you doing here? They bring you back already?” I could see him go for a hug out of the corner of my eye, and I wanted so bad to be able to hug her, too, but all I could do was train my facial expression and slowly turn around.

“I’m just here to drop off Jensen’s key before I head back to the states.”

“You could have left it in the apartment, you know?” Jared teased. “Always making shit more complicated than necessary.”

She looked down as she pulled out of the hug, some of that old shyness sparking in her eyes. “I didn’t think about that,” she said, digging into her pocket. I was hoping that she didn’t leave it behind because she wanted to see me again, but the way she refused to meet my eyes told me it was wishful dreaming. She offered the key to me, and I looked away as I took it from her…and then I walked away. I didn’t say anything to her. I didn’t beg her to see the pain in my eyes. I just walked away.

~~~

Things didn’t get better. I was lost. It wasn’t long before I was drinking ‘til I blacked out every night and having the hair of the dog the next morning to get myself going. I’d go to call her after I finished shooting for the night, and as soon as I remembered I couldn’t call her, that she shacked up with Loki, I put down the phone and picked up a bottle instead.

I wasn’t dealing. I was stewing about Dee, only talking to her over text and ignoring her when she called. So, of course, she called Jared. Of course, he made the bad choice to come up to me when I was looking at an InTouch magazine with Y/n on the cover. Y/n and Tom, on the roof of some restaurant in Atlanta. She looked so flustered, just from holding his hand. Fuck. She used to look at me like that.

“Why the fuck aren’t you answering your phone?” Jared stomped up to me, snatching the magazine out of my hand.

“What are you talkin’ about? I answer my phone all the time.”

“Oh, so you just send your wife to voicemail?” I rolled my eyes and reached for the magazine. I wanted to read the paps’ completely correct theories about Tom and Y/n. He moved out of the way, and I stood up, trying to get it. He moved it out of my reach. “Why aren’t you answering Danneel’s calls?”

“Because I don’t wanna talk to her!”

“She’s your wife!”

“She’s the bane of my existence, right now!” I bit back. Jared’s eyes seemed to flash black. He was a bundle of anger and rage so fucking quick.

He looked down at the magazine in his hand and practically growled as he tossed it across the soundstage. He wrapped his hand in the flannel I was wearing and swung my body around like I was a fucking ragdoll until he had me pressed against the closest wall. "I'm getting really fucking sick of this shit, Ackles. Do you have any idea how Y/n would feel about the way you're acting right now?"

"Get the fuck off of-"

"She would be fucking pissed at you," he snapped, pressing me harder into the wall. Dude's big. I couldn’t have done much against him even if I weren’t still drunk. "She never wanted to be a problem in your marriage. You promised her that she wasn’t going to get in between you and Dee. She's not even here, and she's causing you to act like a fucking fool."

"I'm not a-"

"You are throwing away everything, you fucking dumbass, on a woman who isn't even with you anymore!"

"Whose fault is that?! Who chased her out of my life, huh?"

"She gave you permission, and she's allowed to take it back. She-"

"That's not fair! That's not fair to anyone-"

"That's life! Your wife, who you usually love and adore, decided she wasn't comfortable anymore, and you fucking ignored her until she took it into her own fucking hands. Consent given doesn't mean consent forever.” I grabbed at his wrist, but he just shook his head and released me. “Call your wife, set up an appointment with your counselor, and leave the bottle alone, you understand me? Fucking dumbass.”

I watched him walk away, ignoring the stagehands and PAs staring at us in shock. They'd keep quiet about it, but God damn. Was Jared trying to start fucking rumors across the studio? I looked at the magazine, then pulled my phone out.

"You gotta stop calling Jared on me. If I don't wanna talk, I don't have to."

"Jay. Come on. You can't just ignore me about-"

"I fuckin' can. Because just like you were allowed to say whatever the fuck you wanted to say to Y/n, I'm allowed to decide not to talk to you until I'm done being pissed off about what you did. And this isn't helping anything, you know? Badgering me is going to have the opposite effect of the one you're going for."

"I'm not badgering you," she snapped. "I'm just getting tired of chasing you!"

"Then stop!" I snapped as I walked toward my trailer. "Dee, I'm not going to be able to let this go if you keep pissing me off every other day."

"I'm so sorry that me trying to save our marriage pisses you off so fucking much! When you decide you want to talk to me again, just let me know."

Then she hung up on me. Part of me was angry at her audacity, but mostly I was happy that I wouldn't have to worry about dodging her calls for a while. I was being a dick, but I couldn’t see past how I was feeling. Something in my brain wouldn't let me see how I was fucking everything up. I wanted to feel how I felt, and nothing was going to get in the way of that, not Dee and not Jared and definitely not Dr. Douchebag.

~~~

Things with Jared were tense for the next couple of weeks, especially after he came to me to show a post some fan made, accusing me of cheating on Dee with Y/n. The fan obviously didn't know what went down, but they got really fucking close with their guesses. As soon as I read it, I knew Y/n must be freaking out, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same. Part of me wanted the whole thing out in the open, so I could get some support from somewhere, even if it was from the fans who would agree with me no matter what I did.

Jared was watching me, expectantly, as I read through the post. I'm sure he thought I'd freak out too, but I just shrugged. "Who gives a fuck?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"It's a bunch of allegations from a fan who said, themselves, that they hope they're crazy."

"This is right on the edge of you being caught. Don't you care about the rules anymore?"

"I'm not gonna get caught because I'm not doing anything. Tell Y/n it doesn't fucking matter," I said, completely dismissing him as I walked away from him to go sulk in my trailer for a few minutes. "This is the stupidest shit. Still gotta be worried about getting caught when I don't even have her anymore."

I started pacing. What other option did I have to get the angry energy out? I wasn't supposed to drink because that's selfish. I wasn’t supposed to sulk because that's selfish. I wasn’t supposed to feel because that's fucking selfish! So I paced, and I got angrier...and then I took a drink. Not a strong one or a big one...just enough of a beer to get me level so I could shoot my next scenes.

"I got her to calm down," Jared said when I got back to the Bunker set. "But she's fucking worried about you."

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine."

"That why you smell like beer? Cause you're fine?"

I clicked my tongue against my teeth and turned away. "How about you and Y/n mind your own damn business, and I'll mind mine?"

"You are my business, Ackles, and if you're acting like an idiot because of Y/n, then it's her business too."

I shook my head. "Actually, it's not. I'm fine. Whether I've gotta have a bit of something to help me through the day or not, it doesn’t matter because I'm making it through. I'm doing my job, so why don't you focus on yours?" I asked, pointedly, as Phil Sgriccia settled into his chair.

Jared just shook his head at me.

~~~

A couple of days later, a week at the most, I got done shooting and grabbed my phone. I hovered my thumb over Y/n’s contact for a minute, thinking about calling her, checking on her, professing my love again and hoping she'd care, or even just to tell her I forgave her and hoped she would extend the same courtesy...but I didn’t. I parked my ass on one of the stools at the breakfast bar in my trailer and Googled her name. Not in a stalker way, just to check up on her and her career.

A dozen tabloid articles popped up. "Tom Hiddleston Declares Love For Marvel Costar" and "What We Know About Tom and Y/n" and "Tom Shocks Fans With Facebook Post". I clicked on whatever the Daily Mail wrote and was taken to Tom’s Facebook page. I gasped a little at the picture of Y/n. It was obviously taken without her knowledge and definitely shared without her permission. She was in just an oversized black t-shirt, not hers. She was standing in a hotel room, looking out the floor-to-ceiling window, wearing just his fucking shirt...and he posted that for the world to see.

Under the picture was a block of text.

6 months ago saw a rewrite to the Marvel Cinematic Shorts Anthology script, which brought a new minor character. Kevin Feige knew who he wanted in the role before the script was even done being altered; a relatively unknown actress with a single acting credit to her name- y/f/n y/l/n. I was immediately drawn to the woman and asked her for drinks before we’d finished in Hair and Makeup the morning I met her. I’d fallen in love before the week was out. Y/n is a private woman, not used to being so in the public eye, so I acceded to her request for discretion, portraying myself as her friend whenever someone might be looking. I tried to convince her several times that we should go public over the past 2 months and she dismissed each attempt. This morning I discovered the reason. She’s expecting I will leave. She doesn’t want anyone profiting on her heartbreak or to give them a reason to judge or, worse, pity her. But I’m not planning to leave. I have no desire to be another on her short list of past relationships. I’ve resisted the urge to shout the truth of my heart from the rooftops, but no longer. I’m in love with this sweet Southern woman and leaving her is not an option for my heart.

I read it twice, my heart pounding in my ears. As pissed as I was when she walked away, it was nothing compared to the rage I felt reading that post. He told the world. He shouted his love from social media rooftops. He praised her in public in a way I could never have done. They were real. They were going to last. As I imagined the marriage proposal that was sure to come and be announced in a similar public fashion in the next few months, I couldn’t hold the anger back anymore. My phone hit the fridge door, denting the stainless steel and breaking into a hundred pieces of glass, plastic, and electrical components. Since it was closest, the Kuerig was next to fly, hitting the TV and creating a spiderweb of cracks across the screen. I grabbed the stool next, bashing it into the floor over and over until I lost the steam of my anger, and I dropped to the floor to pant and let out a few angry tears...which turned into me sobbing on the floor among my broken belongings.

[harlowsbby]

Urban catches a bad cold and you have to keep him away from the babies

Sickness & Cuddles

Urban never really got sick so when he did get sick he was always so over dramatic he tended to act as if the world was ending.

“Baby! Baby I need help I can’t breathe I feel like my nose is on fire and I keep sweating.” Urban cried out from your shared bedroom and rang his little bell Druski had gave him, you cursed Druski out for giving that to Urban because he rang it nonstop.

“Baby? Hello baby are you home!?” Urban yelled followed by the ringing of the bell.

“Phoenix.” Phoenix looked up from his color book as you spoke to him.

“If your dad somehow ends up missing by the end of tonight just don’t question it go with the flow.”

“Okay mommy!” He laughed and went back to coloring in his book.

You finished up Urban’s grilled cheese and placed it on the plate along with his homemade tomato soup.

“Are you coming Phoenix?” He nodded his head yes and got up, running up the stairs with you behind him. As you entered the room with Phoenix you looked around the room and inspected your bedroom.

Crumbled up tissues laid across the floor and across the bed, open and unopened Gatorade bottles sat on the end table on Urban’s side of the bed.

“Baby is that you?”

“Yes it’s me Urban now sit up.” You removed the pillow from his face and helped him sit up, Phoenix giggled at Urban’s red nose and how pink his cheeks were.

“Daddy are you okay why is your nose red like Rudolph and why are your cheeks so pink and your hair is all not brushed daddy.” You had to hold back a laugh as Urban’s mouth flew open at Phoenix’s not so kind words.

“Well I’m sick Phoenix this always happens to me when I’m sick but I have mommy to help me get better and feel better.” You rolled your eyes and fluffed the pillow behind Urban before handing him the soup and grilled cheese.

“But why does mommy have to help you? Daddy you aren’t a little kid like me or a baby like Venus.” You couldn’t help but to laugh and give Phoenix a high-five.

“You got that right Phoenix I think your dad needs to suck it up and start acting like an adult and not like a big baby and I think taking away this bell.” You quickly snatched the bell Druksi gave Urban before Urban could and tossed it across the room.

“Hey that isn’t fair baby I need that how else are you going to help me?!” Urban pouted. “Urban you’re capable of getting up and showering by yourself and making your own soup, when you’re away on tour with Jack and I get sick I get up and make my own food and still take care of the kids.”

“Fine I’ll do everything myself since it’s such an issue gosh I didn’t know the crime police lived in my house.” Phoenix and You laughed before getting up from the bed.

“Well if you need anything and I mean anything don’t give me a call.” You laughed and quickly left the room as Urban tossed a pillow at you.

“We can take a nap together daddy every-time I’m sick mommy always takes naps with me.”

“Let’s do that then Phoenix.” After cleaning up the kitchen and giving Venus her bottle you went upstairs to check on Phoenix and Urban, walking into the bedroom your heart ached at the sight in front of you.

There laid Phoenix resting peacefully on Urban’s chest the both of them snoring softly. You quickly snapped a picture before posting it on instagram and captioning it “My boys 🤍”

tag 💗

@nattinatalia @heavyhitterheaux

@awhore4moree @lcandothisallday

@moody4world @pianoisland

@hoodharlow

[luvelybluee]

hallo i'm blue :D i'm a trans ftm, bi poly, 18 yr old! 'm 5'0" >_<

call me blue, lu lu, bluey, or pup. any pet name are fine too ^_^

virgin who's never had his first kiss

i'll mainly be using this account to talk about my interests, posting pics of anything i like, and maybe some of my kinks.. depends on how i'm feeling! it's nice to meet you all.

i'm not comfortable sending sexual pictures of myself so please don't ask. don't ask for my snap/discord/instagram. i'm not comfortable sharing my socials anymore. i also don't send photos of my face.. so please respect that.

i'm not new to this app, i've been on it for a few years. and i've used a few other accounts

[coleaep]

THE DAY AFTER

🤍MASTERLIST🤍

WARNINGS: minimum talk of an abusive ex, SMUT

I felt destroyed. Just an hour earlier I found out my boyfriend of 2 years had been cheating on me for one of them. I confronted him so he fisted me in the side of my stomach. That wasn't the first time he has hurt me. I just always thought one day he would stop taking his anger out on me and we would finally be a good couple. But of course, it was just a fantasy.

I scrolled through his instagram page dying at the sexual photos of him and his side chick that had been posted only 10 minutes ago.

After enough courage I finally put my phone on the charger and went to bed with tear stained cheeks.

_

"Yn!". Colby, my best friend was knocking on my front door. I got out of bed, dizzy from only just awakening and went to unlock it, not caring about looking like a total mess.

"What's up?" I ask running my hand over my forehead.

"You didn't answer your pho-...Yn. Please don't tell me that shit bag put that mark on you", he stared at the big purple bruise growing on my torso.

My brain had a major ding and i completely forgot about the bruise.

"Colby come in I wanna ask you something" he walked over to the couch and I went back to my room to grab my phone. I came back to the couch he sat at and I opened up instagram and showed Colby my exes sex photos.

"I confronted him and told him I was moving in with you so he punched me. I only told him that I was going to you so he couldn't hurt me though".

"Oh god Yn. I'm sorry" his hand laid on my thigh. I felt as though this is when I should mention my idea.

"But what I wanted ask, was.. do you maybe think we could like....you know..and post it as well as tagging him?" I clenched my jaw., using my hands to do the 'dirty' sorta symbol. (👉👌)

"Really?" I nodded at him.

"Sure" he shrugged.

I took his hand and we made our way to my room. He took off his and my clothes. His hands pulled me in my waist and he kissed my lips.

His lips tasted like mint and he smelt like expensive cologne. My hands ran down his chest and once they reached his waist I used my two pointer fingers to trace his v-line but I stop once I reach his cock.

"I need you" I whisper so he picks me up and softly lays me on my bed.

He grabs hold of my phone then makes his way down my chest to my core.

"Alright baby, take one" he positions himself so that he's on his knees and my legs are on his shoulders. I made sure the camera was in an angle that would cover us both.

After I snapped the picture he laid down, placing his head between my thighs. He looked up at me for confirmation and of course I gave it to him.

His tongue circled my clit in a fast motion whilst his pointer finger barely slid into my entrance. I screamed uncontrollably with every amount of pressure he applied to my heat. I was so mad at myself for not being able to see how attractive my friend really was. We always had a flirty friendship but it was never more.

But now? I wanted it to be.

"Colby I'm cumming!" One of my hands fist his hair whilst the other pulls on the sheets. His finger and tongue work fast, making me go over the edge even faster.

Within seconds I began to squirt on his tongue.

My heart was beating in my face and my vision was blurry. It wasn't until I looked at Colby's stunned face that I had realised I squirted.

"Bet that other sissy nuts couldn't make you squirt like that hm?" He says, now with his head in my neck. He sucked on my neck and every now and then he would whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

"You read for me?" He pants lining up his tip. I nodded at him and he sunk inside me slowly.

"Oh god. Your so big", I gasped. My hands stayed on his waist as he started soft thrusts so I could adjust.

"Jesus your tight.  Something tells me you didn't get enough dick then your supposed to. But if it was me, you'd get it on the daily", I shivered at his words.

"Faster please Cole", and so he did. His pace was wild and his moans were loud. He pulled out and flipped me on my hands and knees. He slammed it but stopped once he bottom out. I only knew when I heard the small click of the phone camera, why he had paused.

He threw my phone on my side and thrusted his hips back and forth in once again, a fast pace. He wrapped my hair around his hand and carefully pulled my back so my head was now on his shoulder. His wet sweaty hair cover his flustered face.

"God... I never thought I'd get to have this" he puffed.

"Cumming.." I could barely speak to him feeling a huge wave go over my body. I felt his seed spill inside me as my body became limp against his.

"Thanks for impregnating me. And helping me get back at that douche". I finally let out.

I attempted to go find my clothes but I only failed when Colby pulled me back on the bed.

"I think since I did you a favour, I should get one in return" he whispered in my ear with a majestic raspy voice.

"Oh yer? What's the favour?"

"Will you do me a favour and be my girlfriend?" He smirks at me.

"M'k" I laugh at him as he pulled me in close.

[memorymessage]

re: leaving instagram

i've noticed the subtleties in the transactional interactions on instagram.

if i'm not actively posting bodychecks, people start to forget my existence. even people i thought were genuinely reaching out to me to become friends—they seem to only want to talk to me if i've been posting photos of my body. they only like the stories that are of my body.

(not everybody. you know who you guys are, and i appreciate you endlessly.)

i'm not naïve or foolish—this is what i signed up for. this is what i get for: A: engaging with an app that is personal-photo-based in the first place, and B: fostering a mutual community of people with eating disorders.

i made my bed, now lie in it; i reap what i sow; i dug my own grave, etc, etc.

when i first made the account, i was rabid about posting photos every day. i had been private online for so long that i felt like i was breaking open a dam. i grew up on myspace. i had a camera in my own face every single day. but, after i transitioned as masc years later, i became ashamed of my feminine features. i only posted photos where i passed as masc well enough, which took great effort, make up, and some costume tricks (yes...i may have cut up hair extensions and made myself a beard). and, even then, i would get nervous about posting any photos at all—deathly afraid of my femininity.

there were a few instances where i would create fake social media accounts, give myself a fake name, and post pictures of myself dolled up as femme to the nines. an outlet to release the feminine side of myself without fear, but keeping the entity as far away from the "real" me as possible. but, even that was fake and untrue to myself—wearing makeup i never wore. wearing extensions that were shoved away, tangled, in a box.

i haven't been honestly myself in online spaces in many, many years.

this instagram account was the first time i truly let myself be... me.

but the novelty of posting pictures every day wore on me. i do still have an ed and bdd, after all.

especially when i reached my lowest weight of all time spring of last year. i felt like every picture i posted should be "perfect". the smaller i became, the more i scrutinized myself. looking even the slightest bit too large in any given angle was unacceptable.

the attention i got during that time was also at its peak.

and my mentality from that time regarding photos of myself never recovered.

my weight went up. it became harder and harder for me to want to take pictures. even when i would force myself to take pictures, it became harder to pick one i even wanted to post. not to mention, chronic illness has absolutely debilitated me the past year. most days, i am in bed, in pajamas, in no state (mind and body) to take photos.

and people started talking to me less and less, liking my posts less and less, viewing my stories less and less. the only time people would remember i existed is when i posted an acceptable bodycheck. then i would get a short-lived spike in people liking me again. only to die down until i posted my next check.

people weren't interested in my text posts, or the videos i would share. to put it plainly—people are not interested in me as a person.

why does this matter?

two reasons: it reinforces my bdd-based belief that i am only worth anything if i am thin and pretty. and... i was on myspace trying to be the next audrey kitching scene queen at age 10, meaning attention from others validating my very existence was interwoven into my young, developing brain. and there it yet remains.

and it's not just about other people. taking a good photo of myself gives me sense of pride and rejuvenation so immense that i'll never be able to explain. i assume that feeling also took root from the myspace scene queen days. a new pfp was everything back then, after all. i guess my brain still thinks it is.

my instagram account did not start like this. it used to be a small, casual little place where i would upload daily snaps. and it's sad this is where it has ended.

my insecure little delusions raveled up in themselves, tangling my body and leaving me motionless in fear of judgment. paralyzed.

in short: we're not having fun anymore, and i need to do myself a service and take responsibility for that.

i need to leave.

(for now.)

[slimnotsorry]

It was always a fear of mine

That people would use photos of me, either stolen from social media or taken without my knowledge in public, to share online for the purpose of either motivating themselves to starve or to roast my body type.

Because people were regularly saying nasty, unkind things to my face, I feared how much worse those comments would be if they were anonymously discussing my photo online.

I remember getting comments on instagram telling me to off myself and that I don’t even look human. Which were left publicly under my photos. So I always had this thought that people would screenshot them and send them to a private groupchat or forum to tear me apart even further. I eventually closed my instagram account. That wasn’t the only reason but it was a primary one.

I also didn’t want my body to be associated with starvation, illness, and death. Even worse than receiving nasty comments, I feared being posted as “thinspo” to a bunch of sick kids on a forum somewhere. I was horrified at the thought of being recognized in public as ‘the girl from the pro ana forum’, which someone may have posted my pictures to without my knowledge.

I was already NEVER believed when people asked if I had anorexia or bulimia and I truthfully said no. So I thought that if I’m found on one of those sites, I’d have absolutely no chance of defending myself. Nobody would believe me if I told them those pictures were stolen or taken and posted without my knowledge/consent. It would just be taken as proof that I’m a liar trying to cover up my obvious eating disorder.

If anyone bothers reading this, think again about sneakily snapping a picture of a stranger, think again about stealing someones pictures from their social media, thank again about assuming that random thin girl is starving herself, think again about asking her intrusive questions, think again about leaving accusatory comments under their posts. Just leave that thin girl alone.

[novumtimes]

Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup Marry Have Second Wedding Ceremony Hollywood Life

View gallery Image Credit: Getty Images Naomi Watts and Billy Crudup reclaimed their vows in a wedding ceremony in Mexico City. “I’m making a video ……but tomorrow I’m taking pictures. Family x friends and lotsa fun @naomiwatts x Billy in Mexico City #wedding #benwatts #scrapbooking #familyandfriends,” captioned the 55-year-old actress’ brother, Ben Watts, in an Instagram post where his sister was heard saying, “This is a reminder of what life’s about…The affirmation of love..one of the simplest things but most importance.” The King Kong star first tied the knot with the 55-year-old actor in June 2023 at a courthouse ceremony in New York City. During an interview on Live with Kelly and Mark, Naomi gave insight into her intimate wedding by saying, “Nothing was planned because we wanted to keep it lowkey. I even got my flowers from the bodega at the corner.I wrapped them in old ribbon. I keep my ribbons for a good reason. Pulled them out of the drawer, made it myself. And then yeah, we ended up finishing the whole ceremony — It’s very quick — and we just called a few friends, randomly, or just spontaneously, and whoever was in town just came and joined us. It was really celebratory and lovely.” Getty Images Kelly Ripa chimed in on the wedding bells, admitting that she and Mark Consuelos were happy that the now-married-couple found each other. “Aww thank you. It’s never too late, right? We found each other later than… yeah, late in life. And it’s really a special thing. Billy loves you guys, thank you for your kindness about that,” Naomi voiced. This time around, these lovebirds  celebrated in the tropical land of Mexico City while Ben – a photographer – captured all candid moments on the big day. “Off they go Naomi x Billy x family #benwatts #scrapbooking,” Ben wrote across another video – playing “Love And Marriage” by Frank Sinatra – showcasing the bride and groom inside an elevator waving “goodbye” alongside bridesmaids and groomsmen.  Adding to the Instagram spam, Ben shared more on his Stories, including on the way back from the trip and noted, “On our way home from a absolutely fantastic weekend in Mexico City with family and friends.” Naomi and Billy do not have any children together. However, she shares son Sasha and daughter Kai with Liev Scheiber. Billy welcomed child William Atticus Parker with ex-girlfriend Mary-Louise Parker. The newlyweds have yet to post any snap relating to their wedding in Mexico City. Source link via The Novum Times

[i---dag]

Work Diary, entry 1 (Sunday 10th of March 2024).

Having to make work for my Bachelor degree show. Making work. Working. Work making. Making. Making and doing? Doing is making. Does working = doing? Or doing = working? I don't really know and that is why I find myself in something of a limbo, I'm not sure where to start (making the work) or if I in fact have already started (doing it). I'm thinking a lot about working and that surely must be work, too.

So my idea right now is to map it all out, this thinking, working and doing. And not thinking, never working, and undoing. Because why I make art is exactly to not work. To refuse to participate in "the market", even though it seems like there's a dissonance in my head where I can't credit myself for having thought something great or having general ideas and understandings that I deem to be art, because they do not take the shape as work or object. So it's all encompassing affects and very emotionally complex. I find myself moving from genius to lazy bitch then back to genius then again lazy bitch. The question is then also, lazy how? Lazy because I'm not producing the work in the sense the system (the SYSTEM!) would like, even though my untouched being / my pure soul is about critisizing just that?

All this thinking I'm doing while moving effortlessly of difficultly through the city(s). Biking through the harbour to get to my favorite gentrified spot, getting off my bike then walking around checking out walls to paint later, when it's dark. It's a super windy day today. My home is wiggling from side to side, the movement is shaky and constant. So I'm sitting still typing this but still moving. And the only thing that seems continous for my work recently is that it's always done while moving or by making movements. Which is why I have decided that maybe painting isn't the greatest medium for me after all, even though I love it so and want to eat the paint straight from the tube. So the work should be about moving around. Movement in general. Through differing spaces using various sorts of modes of transportation (rollerskating, taking the bus with no metro, taking the ticket with no use). Painting a picture takes months for me, seing the sights, snapping the pictures, thinking about it, going somewhere else. Then finally at some point I might start the painting just to get distracted by movement again. After months it's finally done and I can post it to my Instagram and get 213 likes. It's good. It's fine. I hate it. I hate everything in a way lately, I hate how it all functions. Going to shows, seeing art critiquing something, yet the piece plays by the critiqued things rules. Why. We have no imagination left. We keep saying that we need to play by the rules of the system in order to challenge it, but what about, the masters tools can never dismantle the masters house?

Exhibit 1.1 shows my left hand holding a card from a tarot-esque card deck my mom got in 2006 or something like that. Many of the cards are now hanging in my bathroom, but because everything is wiggly, they keep on falling down. I like to take it as an omen, the one that falls. Today it was this one with the phrases "Believe in Yourself!" and "See yourself doing well, and you will." The background is two pegasuses, one larger and the other small, indicating guidance, flying in a beautiful cloudy sky with a small rainbow. I love this image because I love wings, clouds and rainbows. And doing. See myself doing well, and I will. Not by doing it but by seeing it.

Exhibit 1.2 shows a small table with 2 books and 2 magazines, a pack of cigarette filtes, an ashtray and a joint. Also jeans-clothed-legs and some furniture and the floor. I can tell you (since I bought/got/stole them) that the 2 books are Produktionsæstetik by Cecilie Ullerup Schmidt, and Bosses by Ghislaine Leung. The two magazines are Sorg og Samfund and DC Magazine.

If I take more pictures today I will come back to edit this post. But otherwise, that's it for now.

[heavylately]

I began posting here, my very own dark and quiet corner of the internet, as a freshman in college because I wanted to remember the four years ahead of me. As much for the sake of looking back as for not squandering all the money I was spending on my time spent studying by forgetting what it was like, who I was, and who I was with.

All these years later I find myself in love with photography as much as I was then. Today, I like to believe I am a bit more intentional. Back then, what I recall most if the joy of bottling moments in time to stow away in this archive of mine. These days, I take more pictures for others than I do for my own selfish enjoyment. The release of a new fuji x100 series camera has sent me down a rabbit hole of nostalgia.

When I started, the original x100 was the first camera that I wore as an extension of myself. I had tried out a canon 80d after upgrading from my coolpix point and shoot but felt bogged down by the cumbersome device. With the x100 I never felt any friction beyond the time spent stopping to snap a picture.

Lately, I am practicing and learning new ways to edit my photos in an effort to give them more of the mystery I enjoy and seek in pictures. I want to make images that raise more questions than they answer. Posting on my instagram feed still brings up anxieties and uncertainties around whether the image(s) I've curated are up to snuff with the photos I marvel at online. So, in remembering where it all started and returning as I often do to this archive to enjoy the flood of nostalgia, I've decided to continue squirreling away moments I enjoyed and want to remember ever more. Or at least until Tumblr goes dark.

Here's to a few more.

Aruba

February, 2024

[si-lunaa]

I miss Instagram.

As much as I hate to admit it, I miss Instagram. I have had an Instagram account since I was at least a freshman in high school. That's a long ass time!!! A long habit to have. A crutch? A waste of time. Many things.

On.... Tuesday, I was sitting in a coffee shop having lunch. I had been tossing around the idea of deleting my Instagram. For the past month and a half, I have had a two-hour limit on my social media usage. I deleted Twitter and Facebook easily but IG and TikTok held strong. SO. I am sitting at lunch thinking, "Today is the day I should delete it. Right? Or no? Maybe I can wait...". But wait for what? Wait until I felt ready?

I WOULD NEVER FEEL READY!!!

I opened Instagram, swiped over, and looked through my gallery for the perfect picture to post and let everyone know I would not be on IG for an undetermined amount of time. And as I searched it really hit me that that was another sign that I needed to just DELETE IT. A post to let everyone know I wouldn't be on IG? A soft goodbye to my closest friends and acquaintances??? WHO AM I THAT ANYONE WOULD GIVE A SHIT? AND WHAT DO I GET OUT OF SHARING? I was deleting for myself, not everyone else. SO just quietly delete it and move on.

I wrapped up my lunch feeling a bit.... giddy? Rebellious? Nervous? Yes yes yes, as silly as it sounds. I got into my car and began driving to the library to return a book I had just finished. As I drove, I began crafting my next "I finished this book!" Instagram story post. I quickly realized... can't do that lol. But I did love sharing the books I read on Instagram. I liked sharing my quick opinion and rating of a book even if no one engaged. I have found some great books to read that were shared by posts and people I follow. And I liked to think that maybe I could do the same for someone else! Before I dropped my book in the return box I snapped a nice picture of me holding the book. I decided I would create a blog to share the books I read, my thoughts on them, and honestly whatever other things I want to post.

It feels funny to be back on Tumblr. The past year I have been finding myself returning to many things that meant a lot to me during my childhood/teen years. And boy was Tumblr up there. Shit, I guess I can throw in my late teens, and early 20s into that time period. I think those ideas can be a post all their own.  

Thank you for your time. And again... I miss Instagram but I feel badass not being on it!!!  

Full transparency I am using Grammarly for some light editing but I really want to keep my writing closer to a flow of consciousness.

[papers-from-a-ghost]

1

The bus has always been the same since the first i entered this school, at first grade thinking it'll be a fresh start from the lonely feelings i gained from kindergarten. The door latches open to the right of me, snapping me out of this reading trance i've picked up recently.

I usually have these soon-to-be blackouts in my memories when there are no thoughts, or anything of note to take, or give, at those specific moments. Other than the fact that i'm listening to the same indie-bands on repeat with headphones i've essentially attached to the deepest inner parts of my ears. I never move anywhere or anyhow without these earbuds; except for maybe showers. of course.

I hop down the doors with one mellow pink book in my right hand, and an opposing hand attempting to balance as my left. Walking, or atleast attempting to walk, down the cracked pavements at the front of my house.

Before moving any further through the entrance, i notice the christmas tree moved out to the left of me. That's honestly pretty early, atleast as a concept for these places. I check out the delivered packages nearby if anything i got arrived, there being nothing, and find myself gravitating towards the leftover giftboxes from the tree that moved.

Its kind of sad folding out the letters attached to these boxes to confirm that these are, yet again, prop boxes to look like real gifts that've been used for the 4th year in a row. There's a part of me that wishes i was as happy as i was then in seeing gift wrap to rip and uncover, but things are different now. All of that's kinda gone, i guess that's what age does.

or maybe what the world.-

"Oh! your back!"

my dad says as he walks out from the side hallway, still in his still-blue scrub suit.

"How was school?" he asks, as if he isn't about to retreat back to his clinic before hearing anything more than a minute and half of discussion.

"Pretty ok, nothing much happened. Everyone def knew about us going to Bali though."

"They did-??"

"Yes, but it wasn't all that bad."

For context, we arrived back home yesterday. If that wasn't evident now.

"How did they know?".

To be proven guilty, i did post pictures on my instagram because it was bound to be leaked by my sisters. Then again it could've not, so i'm still guilty of this before his rationalization. "Oh! maybe they saw the tags on facebook."

...Aha ..yes that's it.

I'd say internally, later reciprocating the same words a second later.

His voice soon fades as i ascend up the stairs to my room, with the mess i left from yesterday still sitting on my bed. This mess includes a complimentary half folded comforter, a horned biking helmet in fake leather, and a coincidental cat sleeping by my pillow; their head being rested by it too.

I approach and she scrambles to put her chin above my fingers. She may be lazy, and a bit smart and smug, but atleast she's comfy. I could also find comfort in the collage i've left on my bed when we did come back from Bali, but i'd rather not lay down and feel annoyed at the stated being felt by my feet; or legs; or pray to god not my ankles (half joking).

I'm not sure what to do knowing i've picked this practice up without much of an outline or end goal, but i do get a notification from someone familiar.

Zildjian started following you!

I haven't heard that name since middle school, and honestly i vaguely remember them with a square figure and complimentary square glasses.

or was that Zen?

No, Zildjian was the dude who knew karate and was somewhere in the first few grade years.

Anyways, it is beyond odd however that they started following me now of all times, just as we were getting back to school from christmas break. I mean i'm always open to seeing old or familiar friends, especially one that i haven't really heard from yet. I'll finish that thought once i stop drifiting to a sudden nap though.

[your-dietician]

Pregnant Kaley Cuoco’s Baby Bump Album While Expecting 1st Child With Tom Pelphrey: Photos

New Post has been published on https://medianwire.com/pregnant-kaley-cuocos-baby-bump-album-while-expecting-1st-child-with-tom-pelphrey-photos/

Pregnant Kaley Cuoco’s Baby Bump Album While Expecting 1st Child With Tom Pelphrey: Photos

Coming soon! Kaley Cuoco has given fans glimpses of her pregnancy progress since announcing she and Tom Pelphrey have a baby on the way.

“💕Baby girl Pelphrey coming 2023💕 beyond blessed and over the moon… I 💓you @tommypelphrey !!!” the Big Bang Theory alum gushed in her October 2022 Instagram reveal, sharing several photos of herself celebrating with the Ozark actor.

The couple, who took their romance public in May 2022, cut open a cake to reveal they’re having a daughter. Pelphrey uploaded an Instagram post of his own at the time, writing in the caption, “And then it was even MORE BETTER. 🎀🎀🎀. Love you more than ever @kaleycuoco ♥️🙏♥️.”

In one sweet snap, the twosome held mugs that read “Mama Bear” and “Papa Bear.” Another picture showed Cuoco and Pelphrey kissing while discovering the sex of their upcoming arrival.

The Meet Cute actress moved on with the New Jersey native in the wake of her split from ex-husband Karl Cook. Us Weekly confirmed in June 2022 that the former spouses finalized their divorce after announcing their separation the previous September.

Before tying the knot with the equestrian, Cuoco was married to Ryan Sweeting from 2013 to 2016. In a candid April 2022 Glamour profile, the California native asserted that she wasn’t planning to rush down the aisle for a third time.

“I will never get married again. I would love to have a long-lasting relationship or a partnership. But I will never get married again,” she told the magazine. “Absolutely not. You can literally put that on the cover.”

She explained at the time: “I believe in love because I’ve had incredible relationships. I know that they’re out there. I like being someone’s partner and having that companionship. We’ve all been there where you think, ‘Oh, my God, I’m never going to meet someone else.’ And you do. There are great people that come into your life and they leave your life. And there are reasons for all of it.”

Cuoco added that she knew “someone is out there” for her, even if it took her some time to find The One. “I’m not someone that wants to be by myself. I just need to figure out my priorities a little bit and make sure now I know that I need to water that relationship,” the Flight Attendant star said. “I want to change, I want to be better.”

Long before she started her journey to motherhood, the Wedding Ringer star — an avid animal lover — was confident she could handle kids. “I think if you can take care of a plant, then you can take care of a dog and then you can have a baby,” she told E! News in 2014. “It’s all in the order.”

Scroll down for a glimpse of Cuoco’s baby bump progress:

Read full article here