#and I really need to be able to find these posts again

[midnight-mourning]

Siren's Curse (Of Bad Luck)

🐟🐟Midnight's DCA MerMay Day 13🐟🐟

this one was a treat bc i got to include pirates and i think you all know how much i enjoy pirates, also just a silly treat overall, enjoy!

Prompt: Hiiii Midnight!! :) For my request, Siren Reader trying to lure the boys to their death, but reader is really really bad at it. In their failure the three become really close. I want reader to be mad about it for a while too that they don't find them 'scary' after a while. The boys can be mers or human, does not matter.

DCFPU prompt used: Pirates

Word Count: 2214

will be posted to ao3 later this evening

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The waves around you lap lightly across your tail and against the rock upon which you sit. The moonlight above peeks through the clouds in streaks. It's serene, soothing, would lull you to sleep if you didn't know better. Because moment's like these usually don't last. 

And much to your total surprise, it doesn't. 

Out in the distance, a ship slinks across the horizon towards you. Even from here you can make out the chatter of its crew, the creaks and groans of the ship as it rocks against the waves. You sense the nervous energy which winds around each person aboard like a vice. Feel the nervous beats of their tender little hearts. Almost taste their fear. Good. As they should be. It makes things that much easier for you. 

You've got a bit of an excited thrill in you yourself. This is what you were waiting on. The night would have—admittedly—been boring without someone showing up with the hopes of trying to pass you. And some of your most fun was being able to lull them into a false sense of security before ultimately—well, you're getting ahead of yourself. 

Unable to wait, you dive down into the water below practically without a sound. You swim with ease over to the ship, popping up next to the hull. Now much closer, you can make out the distinct mutterings and mumblings of the crew. All worried about sirens and curses and more. All of it relating back to you. 

You want to give them a little scare. Really rattle them before the main event. You open your palm then drag your claws against the wooden hull, the loud, abrupt scratching sound it makes all but halts the conversation above. You muffle your own snickering. You wait a minute or so, until they've started talking just a little more again, then start to hum. 

At this, they delve into harsh whispers, someone shouts 'Siren! It's a siren!' before they're hushed. Enough's enough, you've had your fun, so you shift from humming to singing. 

You've done this so many times now it's easy, though by nature your song comes to you without effort. It rolls off your tongue as smooth as the finest of silks, soft as the breeze and gentle as the sea on a calm day. You sing with passion, you sing of desire, and you sing for those who need it. 

As you sing you slowly work your way up the side of the ship, clinging to the wood and ropes as you go. You'll try to pluck off which ones you can that are within your reach, that should give the rest enough of a hint to leave and never come back. 

You've made it up the edge, spying an entranced sailor right within your reach. You shift your song to be more directed at him, hand outstretching lovingly. You're about to take hold of him, drag him down with you—only for cold iron to be pressed to the side of your temple, followed by a click. 

You waver, startled, but still keep your song up, perhaps it's someone who's got a bit of cotton in their ears, trying to resist. No matter, they'll succumb soon enough. 

But your voice practically dies in your throat upon seeing who—or what, rather—is pointing a weapon at you.

A person who wears the clothes of a man but looks nothing like it. With skin the color of the sun and shiny metal in his exposed joints. There's no hair on his head, which is instead surrounded by large orange triangles—which are pierced with small rings, again like the rays of the sun. A hat sits upon his head, and with the rest of his dress you surmise he's likely the captain. Nothing like any captain you've ever seen.

He's not human, that's for sure. 

Nor is the other man—other... captain...?—that appears from behind him. 

You can only stare in amazement, confusion, and slight irritation at the two of them. Suddenly unable to muster your song. The remaining crew is still very much dazed, and would remain so for at least a little while. 

The one with the gun clears his throat. "Not very polite to come aboard a sailor's ship without permission, Little Fish."

You swallow, still trying to keep your words honeyed beneath your reply. 

"Not polite to point a gun at someone for doing so."

You hear a few clicks, they're coming from his head, you realize. "Trespassing."

You glance up to the black flag waving from the mast. "You're pirates."

"Even worse, then." He tsks.

"If I'm trespassing on your ship, you're trespassing in my waters."

Head tilt. "You own the sea?"

"Something like that. This bit of it anyway." You press your temple more against the gun, annoyed. 

"Perhaps you'd be interested in sharing?"

"Not really—"

The other man—who had a blue and white face with inhuman red eyes—suddenly steps forward, trying to take the pistol. "This is a waste of time, I'll handle this if you won't."

You suddenly begin singing again then, and still to your dismay there's no effect on either of them, but the others on board are still pulled under your song, and using this to your advantage are able to create a distraction that allows you to dive back down into the water below. 

When you emerge again a bit further away—and hopefully out of range—you look back to the ship, where the two from before now stand clutching the railing. 

"I'll consider this a mishap and let you live for now, but next time, don't count on being so lucky." You grin, diving under the waves though in reality, you're both frustrated and baffled. 

It must have just been a fluke. An odd happenstance. Those occur sometimes, right?

Right?

As you would come to find out, apparently that odd happenstance was a common happenstance. But one that only occured with those two in particular. 

Captain Sun and Captain Moon—as you'd come to learn—were entirely unaffected by your singing. Worryingly so. No, confoundedly annoyingly so. 

They would appear every couple of weeks, always trying to get past you and always failing. But not because they were enthralled by you, no it was only their crew that was affected by you. Which made this whole ordeal that much worse for you. You couldn't scare them off for long no matter what you did! The pirate ship continuing to blemish your waters like an ugly thorn in your side. 

But while that was utterly annoying, the part that bothered you the most specifically was that no matter how much you sang, how well you sang, or what song you used, it did absolutely nothing to them. They always told you it was because of what they were—automatons and not human beings—but you refused to accept that.

They seemed to find it amusing even, your efforts that is. Which only fueled your frustration and almost led to them succeeding one day. Too baffled and embarrassed that you practically croaked out several times before you could reorganize yourself. 

Though you admit, you think part of it may just simply be... fluster on your part. In the months since your first encounter, they've made conversation with you, starting brief, but growing longer with each passing visit. You think to them it’s almost a bit of a game. To you it’s... something else. 

The feeling's quite unfamiliar to you and you certainly don't like it. The way your heart sometimes flutters when Sun banters with you, or when Moon threatens you, no longer with the animosity he once held. How you can't seem to take your eyes off them with every added visit. Coupled with your inability to get them under your spell it all makes you angry. 

Angry at yourself, and certainly angry at them. 

Such anger simmers under the surface with this latest visit of theirs. They skip the formalities, as they have the past few times. Instead anchoring their ship further away and using a long boat to meet you in your usual spot. Just the two of them, of course. Rub it in even more that you have no effect on them. 

"Afternoon, Little Fish," Sun calls out to you as they approach. 

You spare him a brief wave, busy sharpening your claws against the rock. "Captain Sun, Captain Moon."

"Formal today aren't you?" Moon chides. "Is something the matter, Star?"

"Perhaps they're upset it's been so long since our last visit. Got bored out of their mind without us to pester them," Sun snickers. 

"The gift we have might lighten their mood then. Maybe they'll even let us pass."

"Now that's wishful thinking." 

At that they both laugh. It only serves to make your anger flare further. 

Your claws scrape against the rock, agitated, but collected. "I have no need for gifts. Nor the desire for them." You go so far as to turn away from them once they reach you, feeling hurt at the confirmation that you're just an obstacle to them. 

There's quiet behind you, only the sound of shifting mechanisms that you once found intriguing, alluring even. Now they only serve to remind you that you're no equal to them. 

The hand on your shoulder instinctively makes you want to turn and fight. The closeness unfamiliar, frightening. You resist, however, out of something called 'common courtesy' as Sun once described it. 

"Have we upset you?" Moon asks, tone now concerned. 

Another hand, this one clasping yours in your lap. "We're terribly sorry if that's the case."

This closeness, the false worry in their words, it strikes deep in your heart. Deeper than even the wound of your inability to charm them. 

"Do you know the reason why I won't allow you safe passage through here?" you ask them, soft.

Sun's chin rests on your shoulder. "Because you find it amusing?"

"Because we're pirates and you find that morally abhorrent?"

"It's because it's my home." You sigh, eyes trained on the waters in front of you. "And it's my duty to protect it for those who can't. To keep them safe. I sing for me, and my own entertainment, yes, to a point. But I also do it for them."

"Why are you telling us this?"

You turn to Moon, bitterness written across your face. "Because I'm making it clear to you that no amount of anything will get me to change my mind about letting you through. So, toy with my feelings all you like, but it won't make a lick of difference."

"Toy with your—Little Fish, is that really what you think?" Sun raises his hand from your shoulder, reaching up to turn you to face him. 

You swallow. "Of course it is. You've made it abundantly clear all you see me as is someone in your way. Not to mention how you've wounded my pride with your inhuman ability to resist my song."

"Well to our credit we're not human—" You hear metal hit metal behind you, and Sun flinches. "But that's beside the point. I apologize on both our behalves that you feel that way, Love. Because it's far from the truth I assure you."

Moon moves closer, gentle, unlike him. "We initially intended to slip by you, yes. But that was before we met you, got to know you. Began to care for you."

"Do you think if we were just using you we'd keep coming back?" Sun raises your hand to his face, pressing a kiss to it. "Do you think we'd be this close with you, so open?"

"Isn't this what normal humans or automatons do between friends?" you ask bluntly. 

They both seem to freeze for a moment, sharing a glance. Then, they start to snicker, before bursting with laughter. 

You feel your face heat up, Sun speaking to you between fits of hysterics. 

"Not-not in the slightest, Little Fish. I would never hold, kiss, or cherish someone I didn't adamantly love. I doubt Moon would either."

"I have no frame of reference, how was I supposed to know!" you bluster.

Both captains continue to laugh at your expense, while you continue to process what they've said. 

Again, your face feels warm. "So, all this time you've been... courting me? And I didn't even know?" Your hands come up to your face, groaning.

Moon snickers, arms wrapping around you. "You were too busy trying to lure us to our deaths." 

"Which, perhaps you'd have better luck with if you didn't have to contend against these." Sun reaches into his shirt and pulls out a chain with a bright green gem on the end. It reflects the light of the day intensely, so sparkly it burns. 

It takes you a moment, but then it clicks. You gape, expression souring. 

"That's cheating!" Despite the confirmation of your shared feelings just seconds ago you now have the desire to throttle the both of them.

Still, in the laughter you now share with each other, you feel a sense of peace, of completeness, that you'd never experienced before. You relish in it. 

And in getting to snatch up those pretty amulets they're wearing just to prove a point. 

Though, you've suddenly lost the voice to sing. 

What a pity.

🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊🎣🌊

Thank you for the request @fishm0ther!! as i said very much had fun with it and i'm content with how it turned out ^^ thanks for reading!!

Masterlist post is here

Tag list (if you would like added, simply say so!):

@machopeach @beemyhuneybee @fishm0ther @deviouscrackers @elsajoyagent8 @luckyyyduckyyy @zenkaiankoku @jogimote @local-shrub @milosmantis @robinette-green @everlightreader @sinister-sincerely @starredeclipse @dangerva @juukai @crystalmagpie447 @mothgutz236 @lizyxml @divinit3a @amarynthian-chronicles @crystalfay @that-one-unknown-artist @rosescarletful @buzzy-bee @hazelthebat @nightriverart @mr-munchies @sun-and-moon-fun

[roseyrenegade]

Spring Showers - Bucky Barnes x Reader

A park date with Bucky gets ruined by rain, so he comes over to your apartment to watch a movie instead.

warnings : Post!Thunderbolts!(no spoilers), established newer relationship, mentions of a horror movie, cursing, Bucky being a softie, nervousness, oral sex (f rec), squirting, metal arm usage, fluff, aftercare (lmk if I’m missing anything)

words: 2.4k

author notes: I’m getting such a kick out of writing scenarios from my life, but replacing my exes with Bucky and making it way better. This is basically therapy wow (I also have a therapist dw)

It was Bucky’s day off, and it was storming out. You’d made plans for what was your 9th or 10th date, to go to a park for a walk, but ended up staying in at your place. The flowers he brought you sat in a vase on the counter, not far from the ones he got you last week.

You’d apologized for not checking the weather forecast, and he comforted you, told you he was just happy to be spending time with you. He had a rough week, there was a bruise around his eye that was still healing despite the serum. Being in your home and with you brought him more comfort than he was able to express. Vocally, at least.

He sunk into your couch, fondly watching you tidy up having not expected a visitor. You buzzed around, putting shoes back on a shelf and filling a glass with water for him. The rain had started before you put on the sundress you’d picked out, so you were still in pajama shorts and a tank top you’d slept in. The sudden change of plans left you prioritizing the cleanliness of your bathroom and the pile of dishes in the sink over putting on mascara and a bra.

“Doll, come sit down, the place doesn’t need cleaning,” Bucky lightly calls to you across the room, wanting you to not be worried about it. You could live in a pig pen and he wouldn’t care.

You sigh, giving him a slight pout. The situation, and your preparedness, obviously not to your liking. “Fine,” you reply, walking over to slump down next to him. Your bare shoulder brushes his arm, which is draped across the back of your couch, but you leave a small distance between you.

The two of you had been going out for a couple of months, you’d been intimate for the majority of that time, yet you still felt shy whenever you saw him again. Especially after almost a week without seeing him. The man had held you in wildly compromising positions, but you still felt nervous about sitting too close too soon.

Bucky, all the gentleman, wanted to let you set the pace. He’d have had you against the door right after walking in if he could throw caution to the wind. He noticed the gap you left between you on the couch, but decided against closing it immediately. Attempting restraint even though his body wanted otherwise.

You turned your attention to the tv, scrolling through channels and shows trying to find something that seemed worthy or appropriate. You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you, he could tell you were nervous. Your hair being up in a bun, he could see the flushed tips of your ears, sure they’d be warm to the touch.

Your eyes flicked across the screen, not totally focused and hoping something perfect would jump out and save you. “You alright?” Bucky asked, still watching you expectedly. Half teasing, half actually concerned. He’d like to think it was his presence that got you this flustered, but he didn’t want to assume and considered something might be wrong. He hadn’t had a gal go on more than one date with him in decades, he found it hard to believe he really had such an effect on you.

“What?” you glanced over when he spoke, quickly catching his eye before looking away again when it made you blush more, “I’m fine, just so many things to pick from, ya know?” you say, trying to make it seem like that’s the obvious and only reason you’d be taking so long.

Bucky laughs beside you, taking a sip of water before reaching for the remote in your hand “Let me give it a try,” he offers, his metal palm open. You resign, placing the remote in his hand, the cool vibranium refreshing on your hot skin. You sit back, pulling your knees up to cross your legs on the couch, your right knee brushing against Bucky’s. You pretend not to notice as you try to relax, listening to the rain on the windows and the random clicks as he browses movies. He lands on The Shining, looking over at you for approval.

“How about this?” he asks. Not the most romantic pick, but you notice the small brown notebook in his other hand. The same one he’d pulled out to write down the name of an album you recommended once. You smile at him, “sure, it’s a classic. I haven’t seen it in a while.” He grins back at you, satisfied that he’d solved the problem.

Over the first half hour of the movie, you and Bucky had fallen back into the comfort of physical touch. The initial tension and nerves faded, replaced by his hands softly massaging your calves which now rest in his lap. You’d settled your back against the opposite end of the couch from him, ankles crossed over his jean-clad thighs.

He thought you didn’t notice at first, how often he glanced over at you. He’d asked a few questions about the plot of the movie, making an effort to show he really was paying attention. You had your attention on the screen, finding comfort in forgetting how flushed the man next to you was making you feel.

However, when he took a deep breath during a scene that didn’t really warrant it, you let your eyes move to him. Your eyes met just as his flicked up from your thighs. The blush on his cheeks deepened when he realized you’ve caught him. You knew the shorts left little to the imagination, but had truly ran out of time to change while tidying up.

You smirk up at him, feeling your body already reacting to him. Even the implication of his attraction to you was enough to make you hotter.

Every time you’d spent time with Bucky, you left feeling the most desired and sexy you’d ever felt in your life. Your anxiety made you almost forget that until you’d see him again. The memories of intense closeness and skin against skin seemed like a fantasy you’d imagined, just until he was touching you again.

Bucky was breathing a little deeper now, eyes searching your face, considering saying something. After a beat, you ask, “You alright?” letting your hand move up his metal forearm. He felt himself throb, having been half-hard from the moment you opened your door for him

Your soft, caring tone and the light crease between your eyebrows only did him in further. He’d been distracted by the sleep shorts you had on, the bow tied loose in the front having slowly come undone since he arrived, pushing his thoughts in the dirtiest direction. The shifting of your tank top as you reached for his arm crumbled all his resolve, the fabric threatening to expose your raised nipple from the side.

Bucky looked totally away from you for a second, before meeting your gaze again, this time with much more sureness.

“Doll, can I please go down on you?” He asks like he’s been holding it in this whole time. His eyebrows are cinched, the pleading expression deepening on “please”.

You’re slightly taken aback by his bluntness, but the arousal quickly drowns that out. His hands have moved up to hold the outside of your thighs, his whole body now turned towards you on the couch. You can see that he’s already hard, denim struggling against him.

Not used to such a sudden change in demeanor, you reply with a small laugh “Uh, yeah of fucking course you can.” you say matter of factly, trying to hide a bit of how affected you are by him.

Bucky smiles down at you, hands moving to grab your shorts and panties and pull them down together. He kneels in front of your couch, placing your thighs on each of his broad shoulders. The cool vibranium, wrapped around your skin, is a nice reprieve from the warmth taking over your body.

He lets out a small groan as his face meets your heat, your pussy already soaked from just being near him. “God, Doll. Here I was trying to be patient and polite, and you’ve been all bothered this whole time.” his voice is slightly muffled by your thighs.

A gasp leaves you when he licks into your folds, the tip of his tongue ending on your clit. “I just really missed you this week,” you sighed out, voice pitching toward the end as he buries his mouth further into you. His flesh hand kneads at your hip, grabbing you firmer as he hears your sweet sentiment.

Bucky’s mind reels at the implication, at the thought of you having you take care of yourself while he was busy with a mission. His cock pulses in his jeans. The image of you filling yourself with your fingers, his name on your lips, serves to add even more passion to his actions.

His tongue presses into your clit, flicking up lightly then pushing down harder in the way that makes you get louder for him every time. He smiles slightly into your pussy, proud of himself for becoming more familiar with your body. You reach a hand to his face, running your fingers across his scalp as he works at you.

Moans fall helplessly from you, Bucky’s soft hair just long enough to make a fist in. Your eyes move just enough to see the movie still playing, you don’t want Bucky to miss anything, so you reach slightly to grab the remote. He notices your attention shift, and halts his motions. You look back down to him, his beard shiny with you and his breathing labored (the most gorgeous a man could possibly be) and sheepishly smile back at his playful glare.

“I was pausing it so you don’t have to rewind” you innocently offer as an explanation, movie now paused. He smiled back at you, shifting back on his heels and moving his metal hand to your center. You bite your lip at the contrast of his sweet smile between your legs and the aging bruise by his eye.

Bucky lets out a light chuckle while leaning back into you, “thank you sweetheart, you’re so good to me,” he says lowly, “so thoughtful. “ the hum of his voice trails off, traveling to your nerves as he mouths your clit again.

A strangled cry leaves your body as he pushes a thick metal finger into your entrance. Dropping the remote and your mouth falling slack at the penetration. He looks up at you best he can, loving the quick rise and fall of your chest caused by his actions, the way your face screws up against your will. As your body gets used to the intrusion, he slowly adds a second finger to you.

You gently rock your body down into his hand, craving the fullness and stretch you’ve come to know with Bucky. The deep pleasure, like an itch being scratched, blooming low in your belly. Bliss is all you feel, with rain pouring against the windows, the lingering smell of incense, and wavy hair between your fingers.

Your noises get higher pitched, turning to whimpers. The super soldier’s stamina is not breaking in the slightest, if anything he’s given more energy by the neediness of the moans coming from you. He could hear you almost whispering his name and curses, more so to yourself, while he kept his rhythm.

Bucky hums and curls his fingers, stroking into your walls as he continues pushing against your swollen clit with his tongue. He feels the fingers in his hair grasp again, your body contracting around his hand, and the sweet noises cease for a moment. You twitch, and he feels you gush onto his hand, you gasp as doesn’t stop his motions within you. Drawing out your orgasm until your legs begin trembling around him.

“Bucky,” you get out with shallow breaths, “oh my god,” he slows his hand, mouth now idle above your sensitive heat. He eases you down from your peak, catching his breath still buried between your thighs, like he’s trying to breathe you in as much as he can.

He pulls his fingers from your warmth, feeling you involuntarily clench again at the movement. A small noise is drawn from your chest, senses heightened in your post-orgasmic haze. Your eyes have fluttered shut, trying to ground yourself after the intensity in the rest of your body, so you don’t notice him licking his fingers clean of you. You just feel the small kisses he leaves on your pelvis and inner thighs.

After letting himself stare at you in your fucked-out state for a couple minutes, ”be right back, Doll,” Bucky stands and leaves the room for a moment. You hear the bathroom sink running, and open your eyes to see him coming back with a damp washcloth for you.

You’ve both caught your breath, and he’s gently wiping your thighs clean. You can’t help but smile at him, this big strong ex-assassin with battle wounds still healing, kneeled in front of you, cleaning you off like you’re made of porcelain. His blue eyes meet yours, crinkling at the sides when he reflects your loving grin. He stands again and gives you a once-over, checking if he can do anything more for you before leaning down to kiss you.

His lips are soft and swollen from his efforts, you can lightly smell yourself on his mustache over the woody cologne you’ve grown to love. Once you pull away, you feel a shiver run through your body. The sheen of sweat from moments before now cools on your skin. Bucky instantly notices the raised bumps along your arms, grabbing the blanket off the back of your couch and spreading it across you. You’re both quiet as he settles back down into the cushions, lifting your legs up and back into his lap like before, making sure to tuck the blanket around your feet.

You give each other a grin again, playfully you pick the tv remote up off the floor and hit power. The tv had gone dark since you last acknowledged it, and he watched you fondly as you found your way back to the movie that was only 35 minutes in.

He gave your calf a squeeze as you hit play again, and kept quiet when you gave him a look of pay attention to the movie while smiling. He knew it was both of you being horny before, but he’d take the blame any day for you. He’d do anything for you.

[mystxmomo]

hi hiii

so. what if. iiii. enabled u to be autistic on the internet again :3c

i wanna hear your thoughts on eilistraee and vhaerauns relationship! the nitty gritty, the dynamics, how they think of each other vs how they act, and how thats changed over time+how its reflected in their church

im ADORING all your posts on it if i could id print them out and eat them 🫶

Okay. So this is officially the third part of my "I need to go crazy on some character analysis" Saga. My analysis on Vhaeraun is Here, and my analysis on Eilistraee is Here. I recommend, if you're stumbling across this post in the wild as tumblr tends to do, reading those two first so that you have an idea of how I see these two characters and where the basis of my argument for their characterization comes from. If I need to reference something from either post, I'll quote it here. But y'know. Need be said.

Okay so.

I believe this post is going to the most subjective of mine. I am going to try and pull up canon screenshots from War of the Spider Queen, The Lady Penitent, and Evermeet, but unlike how you kind of get told directly how the drow gods behave and hold themselves and a lot of things end up getting built on them, I would argue so many hands have touched DnD and so many interpretations of their relationship have sprung up over the books that it's hard to give a truly simplified "This is how they see one another."

Water is wet statement, relationships are complicated.

Anyway. Given what my thesis is, I am going to be talking a fair bit about abusive family dynamics in this one as well. My goal for this (and any character relationship I do, really) if to try and keep it very fair. I think a of people make the mistake when talking about Eilistraee and Vhaeraun's relationship of picking a side. Like this idea of one of them being right and one of them being wrong and needing to "Fix" the other. And I don't think that's true at all. I think to be able to understand why they feel the way they do about one another and why their relationship is the way it is, you need to respect both of their characters individually.

(Granted, I think this should be true of any relationship you're writing for in fiction. If I can preach for a second, I think even if you don't like a character, you have to be able to respect the character to properly portray them.)

Final note before I get into this. Everyone thank @abracadav-r again for being on screenshot duty. The posts wouldn't get done nearly as fast without them, they know exactly where to find these little moments.

So. That all said. Lets get into it.

I've made a smaller joke post about what I think their dynamic is like before here. But now that you're giving me the opportunity to do so, I will go indepth about it. Yes.

I'm kinda of the opinion that Eilistraee is more incorrect about Vhaeraun than Vhaeraun is incorrect about Eilistraee (But also that this is the result of DND Canon not being entirely fair to Vhaeraun.)

Let's get the discussion about my thesis about the Elven Pantheon being an analogy for an Abusive family on a divine scale out of the way first, because it's something I've mentioned a few time's, but only every really shorthanded. And I think here, in the discussion about relations, is a GREAT place to start and actually explore that.

Now. I should probably start by saying, I don't think this was intended by DnD. Like, I think when they were originally making this lore, it was the intention to just make a justifiable evil worth killing. DND came out of a time of the romantic fantasy, the very Tolkien and Fairytale esc ideas of good and evil and have this classic hero's journey power fantasy ideal to it. Other people have gone into depth about that origin with far better sourcing and dissection than I can ever hope to, but basically: DnD is absolutely (as all art is) a product of it's time and of the community it stemmed from.

However, I personally think those themes and ideas are a little outdated, and a modern audience (myself being the modern audience) tends to be more enthralled by very nuanced interpretations of good and evil, and find indepth character driven narratives more engaging. And I think that for what this mythos has become over the course of it's 60+ years of evolution, you can reinterpret the narrative to be a fascinating depiction of a mythos that echo's the abusive family structure.

Copying and Pasting from my Eilistraee Essay:

It is of my opinion that, when you look at the Eilistrae-Vhaeraun Dynamic and how they were treated by Lolth and Corellon, you're looking at a classic Golden Child/Scrape Goat dynamic. This is important to mention here because I do think that's important context within how Eilistraee (the person) see's and understands the world, and where her mind is at when it comes to the perception of her sense of self. To VASTLY oversimplify about how emotionally abusive family structures work by a lot, when you look at emotionally abusive families with siblings, you tend to find a pattern where one child ends up getting the bulk of the favoritism and affection (The golden child), while the other takes the bulk of the abuse and tends to take a of blame and is seen as being deserving of the abuse (The scrapegoat.) I'll get a little bit more into the specifics of what that means for their relationship in a later post.[*] Now. Calling her the Golden Child, but I don't think being the Golden Child is strictly a good thing. In a lot of ways, I think a lot of golden children end up very emotionally stilted, and I think you kind of see that in Eilistraee. She HAS to be the perfect one. And she's had this expectation to be The Good One placed on her shoulders since she was young. Golden Children are often blinded to the abuse their siblings face because they themselves are not subjected to the same kind of abuse.

[*] And well. It's that later post!

In emotionally abusive families, siblings tend to be pitted against eachother, either unintentionally as a result of the Golden Child being the subject of a parents time, attention, resources, and affection, or as a purposeful attempt on the part of a parent to put divides in a family. In the real life world, it is more often the first. I think a lot of people think Abusers are more like Lolth where there's an intentional "I looked at you and from the day you were born decided to make your life hell."

But I would argue the tricky thing about abusive family structures (Especially with parent-child situations), is that more often then not, the abusers love the idea of the person they're abusing. To them, what they're doing is love. It is very rare that an abuser is this knowing evil schemer that actively sits and thinks to themself that "That's my least favorite child, they don't deserve my attention."

(Though, as a small side tangent not immediately related to the fictional character, you might see this logic manifest more in the way finances are weaponized in abuse, especially see in America where college is more expensive and therefore often used as a control tactic. IE; My wonderful son wants to go into STEM, why would I waste money by giving it to my son who wants to do art college. Because people get comically evil about money.)

Instead, emotional abuse is often more insidious. It's... I'm going to put the blame on everything that goes wrong on my son (Who I left in the hands of his physically abusive mother to have his arm constantly bent behind his back by her) I can't bring myself to believe that my daughter would ever want to scheme against me. YOU could have been good once, but you're evil because you're not happy, you're too moody, you're too violent. I'm not even going to give you the chance or the environment to grow, because it's just in your nature to be evil, and because you are evil because you were born evil that all that goes wrong is your fault.

You know. That kind of logic.

So. Eilistraee was Corellon's Golden Child. She was the free spirited happy one. She was the one that loved to hunt and dance. She was the good one.

(But often, when a scrape goat leaves the family, the golden child becomes the new target.

Y'know. Like..

Corellon gave up on the idea of trying to turn his son Vhaeraun to abandon his ways. He vowed to kill Vhaeraun if he ever tried to hurt his sister. Nevertheless, the Masked Lord did threaten the Dark Maiden's life, without known action against him on Corellon's part.

Corellon's servant Solars claimed that, with this act, Eilistraee had exhausted her purpose, because the willing had been saved, and the unwilling cast down as a necessary sacrifice.

The in-story context for this being honestly worse and kind of containing bad racial implications:

“Her soul was destroyed,” Felarathael said solemnly. “But before she died, she saved many. She cleansed the taint from hundreds of drow who might otherwise have been condemned.” “But the rest!” Lashrael wailed. “Thousands! Hundreds of thousands! No hope of redemption for them, with Eilistraee gone. Condemned to darkness and despair, forevermore!” “Another necessary sacrifice,” Felarathael said without a trace of emotion. “Else the game would have been lost.”

This, to me, is the framework of Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship.

Likewise, the Masked Lord nurtures an abiding hatred of Eilistraee. The Dark Maiden always held Corellon's favor more than her hateful brother, and she thwarted Vhaeraun's early efforts to bring all the Ilythiiri (southern, dark-skinned elves) under his sway, enabling Lolth and Ghaunadaur to make great inroads among those who would become the drow.

I'm under the impression that Eilistraee doesn't know Vhaeraun. She has this idea of who he is in her head seemingly both based on the what their father thought of him, and as a result of being an outsider looking at the things he did at the hand of his mother. (And again, let's be clear and establish in this post. That wasn't WHOLLY Lolth. Vhaeraun did play his part. But I don't think Eilistraee see's that, I think she strictly see's an eager climb for power) And then she makes a lot of assumptions about his motivations based on the idea of him she's made in her head that reaffirm that idea.

On the other hand, I think Vhaeraun understands exactly the kind of person his sister is, because it's really not that hard to understand who Eilistraee is. She really does just mean well. While I consider her to be a lot more guarded and lonely then people tend to give her credit for, I don't think she's being insincere with her wants and wishes and you don't have to doubt what her intentions are. Instead, the ways that I think Vhaeraun is often wrong about how well she can handle herself and how strong her allies are by 4e, and what that could mean for drow as a whole. Because he's so willing to discredit her as a threat, he doesn't pay attention to her, and because he doesn't pay attention to her I don't think he realized she'd gotten friendly to people like... Mysta the goddess of magic.

And being realistic, even if he had known, I don't think he understands the weight of her being friendly TO people like Mystra because he himself only ever makes allies, not friends amongst gods.

Now. The reason I capped that whole screenshot above is actually because it contains a very interesting bit of framework that I think proves this. Even back in the 2e source books, the phrasing of these things matters. If it was a matter of Vhaeraun thinking that something was the case, they would have mentioned it. However, the specific way that it's set up in that passage is: "It's not that Vhaeraun thinks Eilistraee's involvement in circumventing his climb to power allowed Lolth and Ghaunadaur to gain power. Her involvement DID allow Lolth and Ghaunadaur to gain power."

And I don't think she's aware of that. But Vhaeraun is.

To further this, we're to copy/paste a passage from Sacrifice of the Widow. Now. This is from the perspective of a Vhaeraun worshiper, and it holds as much bias as Eilistraee's priestesses have towards him. But. Because it correlates with metatextual information we have from all the way back in 1998, I'm inclined to say it's not a full dishonesty, just a biased truth.

The dance might have been beautiful, had it not been a violation of the sacred order. Had Eilistraee not interfered, Vhaeraun might have united all of the darkelves under a single deity millennia ago, but Eilistraee had proved as greedy as Lolth and had stolen the females away from the Masked Lord’s worship. She’d taught them to exclude males from her circle, to subjugate and revile them instead. Vhaeraun’s followers had learned a bitter lesson. Females could not be trusted.

Compare this to how Eilistraee speaks of Vhaeraun's influence in Evermeet: Island of the Elves.

Like... Eilistaee. There are bigger threats out there than your brother But. She's so blinded by her history with him that she can only ever see her brothers influence is a bloodstain on the land.

As I mentioned in my other post, I think Eilistraee is a biased narrator in this scene. I don't think Vhaeraun wants his sister to die for the crime of existing. I think his feelings on his sister are way more complicated than his feelings on either of his parents. And we know when Vhaeraun explicitly wants someone dead, because the text would have told us that.

...

So, to understand Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship, I do think we need to talk about The Masked Lady.

Given how much of DnD is oral tradition and people building on concepts that the games give to us, I think people feel more comfortable engaging with some of these things through the wiki and building off of the idea of the ideas they get from the wiki without searching out the original source. And to be clear, this isn't like, judgement for doing that. Nevermind that the IP is older than I am twice over, that a lot of old blog posts are only acceptable through niche internet archive links, and that a lot the source books are neither applicable to 5e or still within print. I'M personally guilty of doing it all of the time.

Instead, the point I'm making is because of how the realms is set up and how people engage with DND, not a lot of people know when plot point comes from a source book, a blog post, a prose book, an official magazine, when something was fan-submitted and made canon, or Ed Greens personal twitter/discord. They all kind of merge together to create a collective canon. I think, as a result, a lot of people end up engaging with these concepts with the same amount of abstraction. But the thing about The Masked Lady is that they're like. A book character. This isn't just a concept that was placed out into world abstractly, they're a fully fleshed out character within The Lady Penitent.

This is important to us and our purposes of engaging with these characters on a more transformative level rather than at a dnd table. Being a character, we can look at how they behave and what the actual intent of their portrayal was. And I want to show you a few things, because I have an argument I would like to make given that portrayal.

==

A voice called to them: a voice that was neither male nor female, but both. A moment later, it became a pool of utter silence. Then song, then silence. Opposites, twined together, yet somehow harmonious. Side by side, the awarenesses that were Kâras and Valdar drifted to the place where the song-silence was coming from. It caught them like leaves and swirled them up toward itself. They drifted in front of an enormous face. Moonlight bathed the face’s upper half in shining radiance; the lower half was shadowed in utter blackness. A glint of blue danced across eyes the color of moonstones. Masked Lord, Kâras asked. Is it you? A feminine laugh rustled the mask. Masked … Lady? he ventured. The chuckle deepened, became male. Hands moved to the blackness that was the deity’s mask. Fingers gripped its edges. Kâras tensed, and felt the eager anticipation of the awareness that was Valdar. The mask lifted. Kâras wept. So did Valdar—and as he did, Kâras saw into the other Nightshadow’s heart. The emotions that had prompted their tears were as different as moonlight from shadow.

==

“Masked Lord,” Kâras prayed. “Is it your will the breach be opened? Have you—” He hesitated, then forced himself to say it. “Have you allied yourself with the Ancient One?” This time, the god answered. Not in words, but in the distant peal of a hunting horn. That alone wouldn’t have convinced Kâras; it might have been one of the priestesses, signaling the others. But as the horn sounded, a rectangle of darkness with two eyeholes appeared in the air a short distance away, within the tunnel leading to the ruined temple. The bottom of this “mask” fluttered, as if the mouth behind it were lending its breath to the hunting horn’s peal. Dots of angry red blazed where the eyes would have been. That decided it. Kâras wouldn’t run. He’d fight.

==

===

My argument about The Masked Lady is this: Despite taking a lot of Eilistraee's visage and Churches Iconograpy, When you look at how The Masked Lady behaves in practice I would argue that this isn't actually strictly Eilistraee. The Masked Lady feels like a new character that is both Vhaeraun and Eilistraee..... but also Neither Vhaeraun and Eilistraee. In that strictly esoteric kind of way, by merging their aspects together they've created a new god made of their parts.

And on one hand, you can read some of this as Eilistraee Masquerading as her brother to try and get his church to work with hers, but on an authorial level? I don't know if that was the intent. For one, I don't actually think Eilistraee is good at being manipulative, she's too well intentioned. She'd have fallen apart under the weight of that lie.

Granted, I do think with both of them being in there Eilistraee is more "in control." Vhaeraun is absolutely ""Dead"" in at least some ways. The piece he puts down representing himself is destroyed in the Sava game, Eilistraee ends up with his mask, and Lolth is able to show off his corpse in the astral plane.

But even all of that aside, I'm tapping in both Ed Greenwood's thoughts for this and something from Faiths & Avatars.

(I'm going to copy this summary from the FR wiki page on dead powers because, as always, it's quite good at summarization. But as always, I've double checked Faiths & Avatars to be sure)

Sometimes, the memory and personality of a deity was separated from their power and true form at the moment of their death, typically by the interaction of the magical turbulence of their death with the magic of a powerful relic or artifact into the same area. In such cases, the deity remained awake but imprisoned, in a sense, though vastly uncomfortable with their much-reduced state.

As such, I think during The Masked Lady era, three things were true simultaneously.

There was a part of Vhaeraun that was dead. That's the part of him on the astral plane. And even that part of him seemed to hold mild consciousness. But I also think a part of him was trapped by Mystra in a dream, and another part of him existed simultaneously within his sister creating a new entity as The Masked Lady, in the same way that Eilistraee seemed to both exist as herself AND The Masked Lady separate from herself as she's playing the Sava game. Because these are gods. Their existence does not exist in singularity.

But. Why does this matter to Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship. Why do I think this is an important talking point for them.

Because I think the fact that they exist together implies a level of respect and understanding towards one another. This is not how this would have happened if they truly hated one another. What happened with Vhaeraun and Eilistraee seems closer to what happened with Zandilar the Dancer and Bast (Absorbed and became Sharess) or (Sehanine Moonbow, Aerdrie Faenya, and Hanali Celanil) > (Came together to become Angharradh and notedly, can separate to spent time apart as times have changed.)

This feels like. Notedly different, compared to what happened with (for example) Ulutiu and Auril, where he got entirely subsumed by her.

For a moment, they were one god. And they could have only synergized as one if they understood eachothers intentions well enough to agree to be one.

==

It's worth noting before I get into this section. Both the idea that Vhaeraun didn't actually die and was put in ⋆ ˚｡⋆⊹❇Mystra's Dream Prison <3 ❇⊹⋆ ˚｡⋆ and that upon returning to life he started working with Eilistraee are not actually ""canon"" to 5e. They are, like many things, Ed Green-ism's that a lot of people (myself included, because I do actually think he's an incredibly creative person with good character building ideas) take as canon. Despite taking it as canon, I think it's worth mentioning that there is no official source material to pull from for these ideas, because unlike the masked lady, these two ideas exist as concepts to be built off of rather than media to be examined.

We can only logic and reason what happened between them and how it's changed their relationship using everything else we have.

Posted from the FR wiki:

"The Grand History of the Realms explicitly says that Vhaeraun's assassination attempt failed and Eilistraee killed him. However, Ed Greenwood suggests that Eilistraee didn't actually kill her brother. The Dark Maiden defeated Vhaeraun with the indirect help of her ally Mystra, as the Weave frustrated the Masked Lord's magic while enhancing Eilistraee's. The goddess temporarily took her brother's portfolio, and trapped his sentience in the Weave, where it was enfolded in a dream by Mystra. The Lady of Mysteries did this to ensure that the two drow siblings would survive the cataclysm that she knew was coming—the Spellplague—in which she would be "killed" to renew the Weave and magic would go wild. After Mystra and the Weave were completely restored in 1487 DR, the goddess of magic could finally give Eilistraee her own lost power and do the same with Vhaeraun, after having awakened him from his dream."

It was one of Ed Greenwood's ideas to have the two deities reach a reciprocal understanding, and to make the personal enmity between them was no more. More to read here

So here's my take on this situation.

I think a lot of people like to paint the "Mystra and Eilistraee put Vhaeraun in Dream Prison" Situation in a very limited light. In the same way Eilistraee tends to get romanticized as a wholly good and Vhaeraun demonized as a firm evil, it tends to get boiled down to the idea that Mystra and Eilistraee managed to convince him to be "Less Evil."

But, I don't know. To accept the Mystra/Eilistraee tag team as something wholly good, you have to also accept the sentiment of Vhaeraun as someone who is evil and needed "fixed," and I don't think that's ever been the case. As I think my multitude of arguments have implied, I have never been under the impression he's an actual evil.

As such, it's always felt little bitter-sweet to me. I think it's more impactful if they just managed to rub off on eachother due to their time spent together as one. I think it was especially a turning point for Eilistraee, given how many changes came to the structure of her church as a result of that merger. She understands why he uses the tactics he does, she understands that what he's doing is coming from a place of (what I would argue) is sincere love for the drow as a whole, and I think she got a little bit more of a nuanced understanding of the uhh Sexism. I also like to think she understood his experiences more, and that his love doesn't come through the same lens as hers.

Likewise, I think Vhaeraun came out of that understanding that he was stretching himself thin. I think that he learned that he NEEDS to be able to rely on others, he NEEDS to start trusting the outside world more. While he's more accepting of drow as they are now, I think his goal has always been to put them back in power to the extent that they were when he had worship from the Ilythiiri. But, thats not the world they live in anymore. Even if he did pull all the drow from the underdark, they could not and would not manage to be that. I think he comes out of The Masked Lady era understanding that to get the drow away from his mother and to coexist is stability in itself. They don't need to rule to be powerful, they just need to coexist.

You know. It's choosing to forgive. We can't change what we were, but we can start this relationship over and grow something new from it. And sometimes, that might be enough.

....

And ALSO I think they had to start getting along, because it really didn't take their churches THAT long to start meshing together when they fused as the masked lady.

At the word “died,” the priestess glanced down at the male. The cleric didn’t look good; his eyes had fully rolled back in his head and his skin was turning gray. Halisstra reached out and lifted the priestess’s chin, forcing her to look away. “It’s only a weak venom,” she lied. “You have plenty of time to heal him. Plenty of time, still.” “Yes,” the priestess repeated softly. “Plenty of time.” Her eyes reminded Halisstra of another priestess who’d succumbed to Halisstra’s bae’qeshel magic, years ago. Seyll had stared just as trustingly into Halisstra’s eyes a heartbeat before Halisstra plunged a sword into her. And yet Seyll had told Halisstra, as she lay dying, that no one was beyond redemption—not even Halisstra. She’d been wrong. This priestess had a wide mouth and creases at the sides of her eyes that could only have come from frequent laughter. The frown of confusion looked out of place on her forehead. The slight bulge of her stomach hinted she might be carrying a child. Halisstra hated her.

Come on guys, The Masked Lady hadn't even existed for half a decade and there was already pregnancies. We don't know what their churches are like 100+ years out. But, for as much as Ed emphasizes the infighting of the churches (And I have no doubt in my heart there ARE factions who refuse to mesh, that's canon to the text) we are inevitably met with 1-2 generations where the combined churches are all that they knew. Vhaeraun and Eilistraee had to work together, because I think as much as they're their own people with thoughts and opinions and experiences, they are also a reflection of their worshipers.

==

I think, to summarize what I think Vhaeraun and Eilistraee's relationship is like in a few paragraphs

With the way their relationships are described, I think Eilistraee was the golden child and Vhaeraun was the scrapegoat in the earlier parts of their childhood. They become reflections of the parent that favors them, because those were the parents that acted as their main influence. Eilistraee saw Vhaeraun as a reflection of her mothers evil, and Vhaeraun saw Eilistraee as undeserving of the favoritism their father gave her.

This view of eachother was cemented when she followed him to Toril. She saw him and his power as an evil and bloodstain, unhelped when he exiled her (probably out of spite and due to the grudge he had as a result of the earlier years). As such, she worked to undermine the influence he had. And when that allowed their mother and Ghaunadaur to take hold, it was the same kind of evil to her.

Her enabling them to take that power worsened the grudge Vhaeraun had of her, because he knows he isn't the same kind of evil as Lolth or Ghaunadaur, and them having that power worsened things for everyone.

This grudge between them kept itself in the legacy of their churches, all the way until The Masked Lady Era. The Masked Lady era was one where they actually managed to come together for a similar goal. It was the first time they were truly about to understand eachothers motivations, experiences, and perspectives, and the first time that divide between them and their communities truly lessened.

And when they finally came out...? I mean. That's going to change anyone. I think not only their relationship changed, but they sort of managed to change eachother a little.

I don't know. I think their relationship is complicated and messy and such a product of their parents influence on them. There is no forgiving Lolth, and there really shouldn't be forgiving Corellon (though, dnd might disagree with me on that.) But I think theirs one that could eventually heal. Out of all of the relationships in the Dark Seladrine, theirs feels the closest to being one that can be refounded on equal ground and with respect towards one another, especially as drow return to the surface and find more acceptance (even outside of their communities.) Because they are to me, two sides of the same coin.

[kalied0skull]

sighhh, she's on everyone's brains again, so of course she's on mine too

i had this thought rotating for WEEKS in my head of drawing cowgirl braiding her hair or having braids, something with braids (plaits, if that's your vocab /silly)

and i had finally brought myself around to finding a reference to get it down, so...

now playing: January — Loving ♪

★ ramble under the cut !

( obligatory @broareweabouttoviberightnow & @trevination tags ... it's your girl ! )

wow it's been a while since I've been able to ramble under a cut — haven't had much to say though, so 💀 i guess I can't be that surprised

a bit of a soft instrumental song pick for today because i NEEDED something soft and delicate to play in the background of this scene and looked around for a good song for an HOUR... to find that one. I'm content with it.

it was actually kinda coincidental that she had started showing up again on the dash when i was wrapping up this wip, for some reason it took me literal ages to get finished up BUT i am HAPPY WITH IT! she is GORGEOUS and i love her so so much !!!

every cowgirl drawing of mine so far has been one I'm very proud of, and i think that is such a transgirl W in my books /silly — i really admire drawing her features though honestly ; you can zoom in and see that she has a bit of freckles and a bit of fuzz and a bit of a smile and she is just so AHHHh i love adding the tiny details man ... .

speaking of details, peep the background that i drew out quite a bit of their room ?!! i loved drawing that in there, idk why — something about the drawing at first just looked really blank, she needed a bit of environment. and like, finding reference photos for the room is actually kinda hard ??? 😭 at least for me it is, idk, maybe I'm just looking in the wrong spots /nm+silly

i like to imagine that cowgirl had to kind of learn both by herself & with her brothers how to braid, learning from whatever rare interaction she had with Mama when she tried braiding soda's hair when they were babies, and then here and there from angela too i think ... it's an interesting concept ; angela & cowgirl sharing their femininty, i mean (in a good way, i like their dynamic a lot in that aspect)

but look at how proud and content she is in this moment doing it all by herself! :D

i like to think she becomes quite the pro of doing twin braids, not even having to stress to use a mirror to get it centered, she's got it on LOCK (there are curls flying out EVERYWHERE. she is looking a MESS. but it's okay, it's only for sleep anyways) and she does them eeeevery night before bed

i know it doesn't look much like it, but she is in fact wearing sleep fabrics 💀 the skirt looks kind of jean-y with the color, but i have this vision of girly reaaaally liking blues to wear, so .. .. blah. AND ALSO LIKE? it's a good contrast with the background, so who cares, you shouldn't 🤨 /silly

anyways, when finishing up this draft i went down a RABBIT HOLE of the cowgirl tag & pinterest just trying to find a good outfit inspiration for her, she was originally gonna have PANTS actually (like sleeping pajama pants ykyk) but i changed my mind when i remembered this doodle gif i had of her being in this exact outfit and shaking her around in a jar (for context, it was for an ask that read "shaking cowgirl curtis up in a jar" to which i replied: "real." and made this)

in the outfit she originally IS sleeveless, but... it's my outfit, who gives a fuck /silly

anyways, i worried a bit she looked too much like cherry here BUT ALSO... my cherry design honestly does not look much like cowgirl so 💀 i think it's just a lighting concern is all i had in the moment, i think she looks fine though

either way, it's always such a delight to doodle a headcanon design ; cowgirl is so so dear to me ... i love her very dearly :'3

speaking of headcanon — i feel as though it's mandatory to say " happy pride month everynyan " in this post as i have been with all my other pride related posts, so happy pride month !

(if you follow the Pride Calendar (do people still do that?) we're in our acespec section of the month, BUT... hey we can still celebrate mtf a few days in advance :3)

alright I'm all out of ramble juice, it's past my usual sleeping time SO !!! i hope this drawing is enjoyed and loved ... i put all of my enjoyment and love into it /silly+gen ... and good morning, good evening and goodnight to anyone reading !!!

[katieaki]

My ✨ post-apocalyptic Lesbian Cowgirl Mailman choose-your-own adventure✨ has just updated! Read it here for free on my Patreon and vote in the poll! Here is a guide to get you started, the summaries of each part of the story thus far, the complete collected text, and FAQ, all in one place. They have everything you need to know about Lou, her requited-but-complicated love, the religious assassin who just beat the tar out of her, the worst person she's ever met, and the ill-advised journey she is on! There is also a discord where Pony Express readers from all across god's green internet can gather, here!

✨Read the update for free on my patreon & vote on what happens next!

✨ Excerpt below the cut.

“If I stay not-dead, it’s gonna be awkward for me, going back and telling my mama that actually, I ain’t as dead as all that, after all,” Lou said. She passed Artie the end of the blanket and Artie pulled it over herself. It was good to have her thighs covered back up. Lou had a hard time not looking at them.

“You don’t have to tell her,” Artie said. “It’s not like she’d know.”

“She’s my mama, Artie,” Lou said. “I can’t just let her go all around, thinking I’m dead.”

“It sounds like she wasn’t much of a mother to you,” Artie said. “You said she’d be happy if you were dead. So let her be happy.”

“I ain’t gonna lie to my mama,” Lou said. 

It was true that, except for the weekly income, her mother’s life wouldn’t change a lick if Lou was dead. She hadn’t seen her in a decade. They didn’t write each other letters. Her mother had never seen her compete, or even practice. Her mother probably hadn’t seen her in the saddle since her father was still leading her around on Partner, except to see her leaving down the dirt road on the two occasions that Lou had visited home. The only way that she knew Lou was moving around was that her return address changed. Not that she used it. When she’d dreamed about her mother– or visited her, she still wasn’t sure– her mother had said that she’d planned to send Lou a birthday card. It would have been the first thing she’d ever sent her. She didn’t know who Lou’s friends were– or, more accurately, that she didn’t have almost any– or if she had any love in her life. She didn’t even have any sad, lingering possessions of Lou’s to deal with. Lou was as good as dead to her, anyway. 

It was strange. None of this was news to her. She’d been bitter and torn up and guilty about it for years. Decades, at that point. But she’d never once considered just stopping. She’d shorted her mother’s money before, which was how she thought of it if she made any purchase that was anything less than absolutely necessary outside of her meager self-appointed allowance. She’d wished nearly constantly that she had been able to save up a little money to make her feel a little safer, but it hadn’t been possible because it had to go to her mother. She’d had weeks where she couldn’t even afford more than a couple of dances with Venus, which was really what she’d been living for before she left Hereafter. Still, throughout all of that, she’d never just thought that she could stop. Her mother would have no way of finding her if she stopped writing between moves, even if she felt compelled to try, which she wouldn’t. Even if she wrote Lou a letter and it got forwarded on, Lou would perfectly honestly be able to say she didn’t know what it said. 

“You wouldn’t even have to lie. Just don’t go out of your way to correct her misconception,” Artie said. She kept jiggling her foot, then forcing herself to stop, before jiggling it again. 

“She’s still my mama,” Lou said. “She brung me into the world. I owe her.”

Artie opened her mouth like she was going to say something, then pressed her lips together again.

[stellae-de-baphometis]

Important Announcement: Art/Writing Commissions, Ko-fi Subscription Tiers, Possible Etsy Store Reopening, & More

⚠️ THIS POST IS URGENT AND IMPORTANT. I KNOW IT'S A LONG POST, BUT PLEASE READ TO THE END IF YOU CAN. ⚠️

Hello everyone. So I'm aware that I've barely been active here lately, and while I've wanted to be more active here, I've had a lot of stuff going on.

So if you've been following my Ko-fi page, you probably saw my periodical status updates a while back saying that the book I'm currently writing (Beyond The Goetia) is almost finished. Unfortunately, I found that a bunch of the English translated content I had included was copywritten, so I legally wasn't able to publish it in its finished form. As a result, I have had to rewrite the book and start making my own translations of the original manuscripts, which has been very tedious and is taking an extremely long time to do lol. Nonetheless, I am still making progress on it, and I'm really hoping it will be finished by the end of the year.

With that being said, my partner and I are having a very hard time finding work and are currently struggling financially, so it would really mean a lot if you could help us out in any way possible. My partner's apartment lease ends soon and we don't really have anywhere else to stay long-term, so we need all the extra help we can get. We make barely enough money from our social security pensions to get by, and it's been extremely difficult for us to find employment.

We need to save up our money fast so we can afford to both find and move into another place to stay before the lease is up, but we're practically living from pay check to pay check, so I want to try and earn some extra money through other means so we have a little more financial security; even if it's minuscule, it's better than nothing at all.

I am still looking for work and trying to get a mainstream job, but in the meantime, I'm also going to be opening up art/drawing (both traditional and digital) & writing/literature commissions over on my @vampydemonartz blog; I accept both SFW and NSFW commissions. I will be making an advertisement post for commissions over on my art blog soon.

For those who are interested in books/zines on demonology, spirituality, and all things occult, you can follow and even subscribe to me on my Ko-fi page. I have set up monthly memberships, and each tier gives you different benefits:

Lunar Tier ($2 AUD) - One month early access to zines/books

Solar Tier ($5 AUD) - One month early access to zines/books + Name listed in acknowledgements section of zines/books

Galaxy Tier ($10 AUD) - One month early access to zines/books + Name listed in acknowledgements section of zines/books + Access to exclusive Ko-fi store items (e.g. handbound zines/books, custom handmade prayer beads, etc.)

Please Note: Galaxy Tier is not available as of right now, since I haven't set up the exclusive store items yet; but I will be sorting it out soon and making it available in the near future.

I'm also thinking about potentially opening back up my Etsy store, where I used to sell daemon sigil candles back in 2023. In addition to selling the candles again, I also want to eventually design and sell my own tarot deck, as well as sell my books/zines and maybe art prints of my drawings there too. I'm still sorting out the Etsy stuff though, so it's not definitive that I'll be opening the store back up; but feel free to follow my store in case I do open it again.

Additionally, my partner streams on Twitch from time to time (I also sometimes make an appearance on their streams too lol) and is working towards becoming a Twitch affiliate so they can eventually monetise their channel. If you could follow them over on Twitch, it would mean the world to both them and myself.

Now, obviously I understand that financial support is a lot to ask for right now, given the current state of the economy and the cost-of-living crisis; so please don't commission or donate if you can't afford to or are not in a financially stable situation yourself to do so. Honestly, reblogging this post and/or sharing it in other ways is more than enough help if you cannot afford to commission or donate.

If you do donate, please don't feel pressured to give more than what you can afford or want to give. Even if it's a small amount, it still goes a long way and helps us out a lot. Either way, I will still be eternally grateful for your support. 🖤

I am working hard to get my book finished and, even though I am publishing the ebook on Ko-fi at a price of pay-what-you-want with the option to download it for free, it would mean a lot if you could purchase it for a few dollars if you are able to do so. Additionally, I will also be self-publishing physical copies (as well as the ebook) through Lulu, so it would mean a lot if you could also purchase it through that avenue. But again, no pressure. Xx

That's pretty much all I wanted to say in this post. Again, please don't feel pressured to donate or commission if you can't afford to or simply don't want to. A reblog and/or share is honestly more than enough help if you can't help out financially. 🖤

Thank you so much for your support. Please know that I am eternally grateful for your help. Xx

~ ~ ~

⋆｡°☆. Commission Me Here

⋆｡°☆. Support Me On Ko-fi

⋆｡°☆. Check Out My Etsy Store

~ ~ ~

+ . . . Divider Credit . . . +

[pinksilvace]

Fern guides their mutuals and followers through Cats 1998 as if we're all sitting on the same couch watching it and I'm shouting out stuff (1/?)

MASTERPOST

Character Wiki Pages

Warning: there's going to be a LOT of bias in these posts

Okay, before we get started, there are a couple of characters in here that are given their US names with UK designs. Accordingly, these characters will be referred to with their US names, though their descriptions on the wiki will correspond with UK names. For navigation:

US -> UK Plato -> Admetus Pouncival -> Carbucketty Tumblebrutus -> Bill Bailey

I've seen folks use "Plato" and "Admetus" interchangeably, but interestingly, I tend to see "Pouncival" and "Tumblebrutus" associated with the 1998 designs when used in fan works - perhaps because these are incredible names, or perhaps because that's just the sort of influence that Cats 1998 has had on the fandom.

(not to mention, "Bill Bailey" in particular has been used to refer to several designs, including Tugger's chorus outfit in recent US-based productions)

Alrighty, onto the show!

1: Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

Okay, first things first, this cat ^^^ is Demeter. She's the first cat seen onstage because she's Really Freaking Important. I'd argue that she's the second most important character, after Grizabells, and that's because Cats deals with two sources of conflict: Macavity's interference and Grizabella's anguish. Demeter is the character that connects these two conflicts. We'll talk about it more later.

Where was she in Cats (2019)? Well, you see, she doesn't have a song about her and her design isn't one of the most instantly recognizable, so I guess she wasn't deemed important enough to keep. This decision sent out ripple effects that completely overturned the characterizations of other characters, but that's a rant I need not get into now.

I have Feelings about Demeter's exclusion

The cat on the left here is Munkustrap; his role is to be the Jellicle tribe's protector. You'll see him a lot and never learn his name, but this context is important, since he acts as the narrator. I'm putting Alonzo (right) here too because he's the #2 protector/Munkustrap's second in command but he's a little worse at the job, has almost no lines, and has way less charisma (affectionate), so you might not know that if I don't tell you.

(another side tangent: one of Alonzo's character adjectives is "uncertain", and sometimes actors play this up until the idea he's a protector is practically comedic. Depending on how you interpret his character, he's either new to the job or prefers to keep to himself... or both. There's some additional backstory there I might get into later that's not 1998-specific.)

Also, I can't watch this part anymore without thinking about this video from Sean McManus.

^ Tumblebrutus tumble moment #1

This is Cassandra. She's very recognizable. The camera loves her. You will see her a lot and wonder what her deal is, but the truth is that she has no plot relevance and barely interacts with the other characters. In the 2015 Tecklenberg production, she pretty much just stood and danced in a very specific corner of the stage the whole time, and... it's not not accurate to her usual role. I guess those are just side effects of having the adjectives "haughty, disdainful, aloof."

Oh yeah, you'll probably want to know what the deal is with these two as well. These are Coricopat and Tantomile. They're psychic and (probably) twins. I think that's the important information but it's good to know because it makes a lot of stuff later on make sense.

Victoria has a number of lifts throughout the show - maybe more than any other character, though I've never gone through and counted. In the US revival choreography, at least one of these is in an attempt to reference her connection to the Jellicle Moon, but it could also refer to her arc of maturity (more on that in the white cat section) and how she's "ascending" out of kittenhood.

The placement of this row makes me SO HAPPY whenever I see it. Cassandra's on the far side because she doesn't like hanging out next to anybody. Plato is next to Alonzo because Alonzo is the #2 protector and Plato might someday be the #3. Alonzo is with Munkustrap because of the aforementioned protector stuff and also (headcanon) because Alonzo has anxiety and Munkustrap is his ESA. Munkustrap and Tugger are brothers (more on that in the Old Deuteronomy section). Tugger and Mistoffelees are together in more ways than one (more in that in the Mr. Mistoffelees section). Mistoffelees and Skimbleshanks are beside one another because they're buddies in this production. Coricopat is at the other far end because he's tall.

Beautiful.

^ Live footage of Pouncival clutching his ears because Jenny only usually only raises her voice while repremanding him, ft. Tumblebrutus pog

Girl help your cats are gnc as hell

(this will not be the first time I mention it, but the London Alonzo and Admetus makeup designs >>>>>)

AGH these actors are so expressive it drives me wild... cats musical actor improvisation and creative expression my BELOVED

^ Whenever I see this shot, I always think of what a good reference it is for seeing the back of Alonzo's wig lol. I actually relly like that this design has the dots going all the way to the sides rather than just being spots.

It's a running gag in the fandom that you have to shake your head when they say "statistical cats", and it's true. I do it every time. I can't even hum this song without shaking my head anymore.

2: The Naming of Cats

You will hear a lot of the cats' names in this part. The camera will not zoom in on those cats in correspondence. I wish it did.

This is a good time to bring up levels when it comes to character age and how it relates to general choreography. With the exception of Demeter (and, arguably, Rumpleteazer - more on that in the M&J section), all of the characters in the front row here (specifically, on the ground) are supposed to be kittens. There are a few missing (Tumblebrutus, arguably Plato and Mungojerrie - more on Plato in the Grizabella segment), but in general, if the cats are moving as a crowd as they do here (and, more notably, in Old Deuteronomy), with some standing and some crawling, the ones crawling are likely the kittens.

In theory, this visual distinction makes sense, as being closer to the ground makes the actors look smaller, but this never got across to me until I started learning more about the show outside of watching this production.

I simply cannot imagine how many people have paused at this section for referencing the makeup designs

(also teehee plato makeup my beloved!!!!!!!!!)

Omg hiiiii Plato - Alonzo - Munkustrap order again <3

Speaking of order: beside Munkustrap is Chorus Deuteronomy, and on Deut's other side is Tugger. When the formation splits into chunks, those three are the only ones in the row. This is because they're implied (very loosely) to be family. Once again, more on that in the Old Deuteronomy section.

I've always loved how the color saturation gets weird here. Grayscale Mungojerrie ily

3: The White Cat Solo

I think this section gives the audience a false impression of Victoria's importance; it's probably the very reason she was chosen to be the protagonist in Cats (2019), even though throughout most of the show, she serves a lesser function than around half of the other characters.

This is where we start toppling into the Cats iceberg. Remember how I mentioned two main sources of conflict earlier? Think of those as Plot #1 (Grizabella re-joining the Jellicles/The Jellicle Choice) and Plot #2 (Stop Macavity from wreaking havoc). Because this show is about a collection of characters (rather than just one) with each having their own stuff going on, it gets a lot deeper than that, and that's why it's so difficult to hear folks say that Cats has no plot or very little plot. I would argue that Cats has so many plots - and, subsequently, themes - that it can't spend a huge amount of time on any of them, but that's a thought for another post.

Victoria's story deals with one of Cats' other prominent themes: female sexuality. Sexuality in general, sure, but I'd say that the representation of female sexuality in here is so much more diverse than that of male sexuality that it's become its own topic, and I'll be referencing it in a few other numbers.

On this particular night, Victoria is coming into her own. She's maturing. She'll have her first mating experience, and by the next ball, she might not be considered one of the kittens anymore. This is especially important because she is the white cat, and white, for better or worse, is the color associated with purity. I love that the white cat is the one who has a romantic/sexual experience taking place within the runtime of the show itself, and I love that it's portrayed as a wonderful thing. We'll cover that more during the Jellicle Ball portion of these posts.

Not to be weird about it, but this is a great section for seeing the construction of the unitards, which consist of six seams: one down the back, one around the inside of the legs, one down each arm, and one connecting each sleeve to the torso. The closures are typically snaps or hooks in the shoulders, which are concealed by the fluffy bits of the costumes, with the exception of Cassandra, who I've seen a few different closure designs for. I also hear that some of the unitards have darts around the waist to help them fit better.

This is a good spot to mention a common headcanon for Victoria: that she is deaf. This headcanon is rooted in a few different things.

First, she is the only cat to have a moment about herself in which there are no sung words; everything is communicated through body language. The closest another cat comes to this is Mr. Mistoffelees, whose role is written such that the actor may or may not have singing parts, but typically, he'll still have lines outside of his own number.

Second, relating to that: I think there's only one part in the show where Victoria's voice is distinct, and that's when she shares two lines about the Jellicle Moon with Jemima during the Song of the Jellicles. They both maybe-sort-of get messages from the Jellicle moon, so whether she actually hears what she's saying is unknown.

Third, as a friend of mine likes to point out: there's a moment during the Jellicle Ball number in which she dances out of sync with everybody else, which can be taken as her not hearing the music.

Fourth: white cats are deaf in much higher rates than any other. Up to 20-ish% of white cats without blue eyes, up to 40% of white cats with one blue eye, and up to 80-85% of white cats with two blue eyes are born deaf. Coincidentally, I've seen a lot of fanart depicting Victoria with blue eyes, both in conjunction with this headcanon and not.

4: The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

"This is the part where they explain the plot!" I always hear people say. Yes, this is where they explain Plot #1. To paraphrase:

Old Deuteronomy, leader of the tribe, will come and choose a cat to be reborn into another of their nine lives later in the night. This is seen as an honor and isn't weird or culty like a lot of people passingly familiar with Cats like to say. They're not competing to die; they're celebrating somebody's life and wishing them the best for what comes after.

No, Macavity doesn't want to be chosen. He just wants to wreak havoc. Cats (2019) made that part up because it got rid of Demeter.

^ This bit of choreo is probably where Cats (2019) got the idea of shipping these two, which is a bit odd, considering they literally both have pairs presented. rip Plato I guess

Pouncival pouncing moment #1

You'll notice that Munkustrap constantly has his legs wide apart. It's widely speculated that this is because the kitten characters love to dive through them, and he doesn't want their skulls bashing against his kneecaps all the time.

^ Victoria Jellicle moon moment (+ another being out of sync with the choreo moment)

I've officially run out of images but I really like this part where Munkustrap greets all of the cats. He has some really cool relationships in this show and it's worth going through in slow motion once you're more familiar with the characters. Anyway, this is Electra, and she's one of the kittens. Whenever fans decide that one of the kittens is Munkustrap's, it tends to be her, since she's always SUPER excited to interact with him and he's very warm with her.

In this section, I also really like how cordial he is with Jellylorum, how gentle he is with Demeter, and whatever he's got going on with Alonzo.

Bonus: Monochromatic siblings staging placements (yes I will probably do this every time because it's fun for me)

Bonus #2: Alonzo actors always raising their chins, my beloved

[northern-passage]

i thought there was a call to boycott the entirety of black friday and cyber monday?

i think there are people on tumblr & twitter that are advocating for a full boycott (which is good), but specifically with BDS & according to their website they're just calling for a targeted boycott against puma, HP, and marvel for black friday and cyber monday (along with the other targeted companies)

personally, i'm also boycotting starbucks (for their treatment of unionized workers) as well as a few of the other companies not listed in the immediate full boycott list.

as of 11/22 on their twitter, this is what they shared:

1. Consumer boycott targets - The BDS movement calls for a complete boycott of these brands carefully selected due to the company's proven record of complicity in Israeli apartheid.

2. Divestment targets - The BDS movement is pressuring governments, institutions and investment funds to exclude and divest from as many complicit companies as practical, especially weapons manufacturers, banks, and companies listed in the UN database of business involved in Israel’s illegal settlement enterprise, as well as the WhoProfits and AFSC Investigate databases of companies enabling the occupation. Below we give some of the targets we are campaigning against.

3. Pressure (non-boycott) targets - The BDS movement actively calls for pressure campaigns against these brands and services due to their complicity in Israeli apartheid. We have not, on strategic grounds, called for a boycott of these brands and services, instead we strategically call on supporters and institutions to mount other forms of pressure on them until they end their complicity in Israeli apartheid.

4. Organic boycott targets - The BDS movement did not initiate these grassroots boycott campaigns but is in support of them due to these brands openly supporting Israel’s genocide against Palestinians.

ultimately the companies listed under the first category you absolutely should be boycotting 100%.

and i'm not going to tell you to not also boycott black friday, especially since it coincides with the temporary 4-day "truce." like i said, i know there are groups that have been advocating for a full boycott this weekend along with protests; there were hundreds today, from Washington, DC, to Massachusetts, to California, to Florida... i shared the creator's day because they do that every other month or so on itch.io anyways & i wanted to link the BDS information alongside it. they may update in the future as well and call for more targeted boycotts as the holidays ramp up so i suggest bookmarking the website or following them on twitter, and look for a campaign near you to get involved directly.

BDS has also called for a global day of action on November 29th, which includes intensifying all targeted boycotting campaigns.

[youling-the-ghost]

hey, random person on the internet, maybe don't do this?

[atopvisenyashill]

do love how this is an asoiaf blog but i did not put either show in my top 10 this is the world we live in

[shantechni]

Self sabotage is saving a post to your drafts and promising yourself to reblog it when you get the chance to add what you want to the op's point, only to completely forget about the post because you like to save things to your drafts like you're on Pinterest.

[curiouselleth]

I don’t usually swear but FUCK DRM on blu ray discs. Rant under the cut.

spent $50 on a disc drive that I could plug into my laptop that could play dvd and blu ray discs. (because my normal player doesn’t want to communicate with my laptop.)

DVD works perfectly. I move on to testing it with a blu ray disc to see if I need to download a software that can handle blu ray. Doesn’t work.

I try two new, rather sus, softwares the user guide recommended. Nope. Doesn’t work.

At this point I ask my friend who’s training to be an IT person.

I show them the issue and what pops up. They find something that’s supposed to fic VLC media player so it can play blu ray discs.

I give them remote access to my laptop so they can do that, because it was too much to walk me though.

They spend at least a half hour doing that.

NOPE. Still doesn’t work. We try a few more things and download 3 or 4 new softwares to try. We try a different blu ray disc. Even the most recommended shady software they found.

NOPE.

NOTHING. WORKED.

Nothing could get around the DRM. (Digital rights management, I just learned a tiny bit about it. It’s so stupid.)

I’m screaming. My friend who tried to help is too.

I just wanted to be able to watch the hobbit extended edition when I’m not home and to be able to privately stream it to friends. I wasn’t actually even going to violate the copyright.

I am a disappointed puddle and going to try to get ready for bed and maybe sleep now. 😔😭

[hoshanti]

lady got passive aggressive with me bc she missed her opportunity to apply

[wraenata]

And with that, I have answered all the birthday wishes I received! I was so blown away by all the love I received from you guys! I'm just so sad it took me a whole week to answer them all :(

My week has just kinda been like charmander up here, just so increasingly exhausted every day. My doctors appointment is in 2 weeks and I hope we can find a solution to this ever growing fatigue!

Did you know that fatigue is a common symptom for hypothyroid issues, and that 17% of women will have thyroid issues before they turn 60? Not gonna lie I really hope its that, because that sounds easy to fix.

I'm sorry for the lack of reblogs and tags, I hope to get back to them soon.

[cloneboywonder]

im so CWCcoded

[stargazinglesbian]

my biggest claim to fame is that one time strange aeons read out my clown husbandry tumblr post in a video in 2023