#and I want to change my Tumblr themes. like you don't understand!

[permanentreverie]

I am working 6 days next week someone shoot me in the head

[fratboycipher]

obligatory welcome guide for redditors

A lot of the guides I've seen don't actually seem to understand how reddit works in comparison to tumblr so

your blog is basically your own small subreddit. some people curate this heavily to fit a theme, like a sub, most people don't

reblogs are culturally equivilant to upvotes but functionally equvilant to crossposting

there is an algorithm. it sucks and nobody uses it. turn it off in settings. everything is generally chronological

likes are functionally equivilant to saving a post

you've probably already seen this but change your icon and put something in your bio or people WILL assume you're a bot. personal info not required

generally, anything you would put as a comment on a thread should go in the tags or the replies of a post. only add comments in reblogs if you want it to become part of the base post

tags are mostly equivilant to flairs, used for organization and commentary

your dashboard is an aggregation of everyone you follow

there is an r/all equivilant(trending page) but it sucks and nobody uses it

our search also sucks. your best bet is using tumblr.com/tagged/[TAG] and not /search

there are no mods

by extension, reporting something doesn't put it in front of the mods, it sends it to staff, who may or may not do anything(usually they don't)

there is no karma, there are no karma limits. anyone can reblog anything, comment/reply to anything, or post in any tag

"reposting"(reblogging) old content doesn't matter. people can and will reblog the same post multiple times, including in a row

CAVEAT. reposting someones art(NOT reblogging, making a new post) is a dick move. i know this is commonplace on fandom subs but its not necessary here. everything you post should be [OC] unless you are reblogging. or posting shitty memes

we have our own sitelore, you'll pick it up

(though im not opposed to bringing some over from reddit)

our app also sucks. we do not have third party apps and any that claim to be are scams. sorry

for desktop, most people use the XKit Rewritten extension for QoL improvements and to revert shitty aesthetic updates, much like old.reddit

we have no idea where the porn rules are at either. add a mature content flag to anything you'd get fired for looking at at work, that's about it

finally, from the bottom of my heart, fuck u/spez

[khywren]

it's time for some more astarion analysis~

making this a separate post in case people wanted to reblog just the gifs on their own and don't care about the extra fluff. i'm certain this scene has been analyzed to the hells and back by this point, but when i was making this set something really stuck out to me and i wanted to throw my two cents in anyway.

this is the tail end of the mirror scene from act 1, where you catch astarion looking in the mirror and lamenting about not being able to see his reflection or knowing what he looks like anymore. and while that alone is sad enough, it gets SO MUCH WORSE.

if you express genuine interest in his predicament (i.e. asking him if he misses his reflection and what color his eyes were before he was turned), you get to see the mask slip. it's one of the first times in the game that he's not hiding behind his quick wit and silver tongue.

if you tell him you'll be his mirror, you can see the change in his demeanor immediately. his face softens, the cadence of his voice changes; you can literally hear the vulnerability in every word he says. huge props to neil and the rest of larian for making the distinction between these dialogue options, of course. it's the little details that really make moments like these shine.

but there was something else i noticed in the footage i recorded as well that i hadn't picked up on any of my other playthroughs. i've spent a lot of time staring at this man's face, especially while capturing idle animations for gifs and wallpapers, and most of the time it's what you'd expect, with minimal face movement, expressions changing, etc. most companions i record seem to behave the same way, with similar expressions/blinking/eye movement.

but just look at astarion's face here. this feels deliberately unique. he is SO anxious, so worried how you'll perceive him. the rapid blinking, the nervous darting of his eyes… it genuinely breaks my heart.

(tumblr will only let me upload one video per post, but just look at any other idle footage of him and you'll see the difference)

and the second you tell him what he thinks he wants to hear? that he's very attractive? he slips right back into his suave, flirtatious persona, and even praises you for complimenting his looks. even if you eventually ask him if all he wants is shallow praise, he still deflects and isn't completely honest with you.

note that if you choose to take the less compassionate route and simply tell them that he has a "very good face," he will still prompt you to tell him what you see when you look at him, and the delivery of the line is subtly but noticeably different and more guarded. similarly, if you poke a little too much fun at him by calling him old and draw too much attention to his mole, he gets very flustered and ends the conversation immediately. understandable, since he's relied on his appearance for so long, and hearing (even jokingly) that even that might not be something he can use anymore must be at least a little terrifying for him.

so naturally, you might think that by being truthful with him would perhaps net you a better result -- after all, you're telling him what he asked for, what you really see, that you see him as more than just someone to lust after -- but it doesn't. he actually seems a little upset if you choose those dialogue options. in that moment, he wants to know that you find him attractive, because he thinks that's all he's good for. because if you find him attractive, there's a chance that he could seduce you and use you for protection against cazador. i do think he also genuinely wants to know that there's so much more to him than just a pretty face, since that's a big theme of his entire story/romance arc, but that's not at the top of his priority list this early in the game. he's relying purely on instinct. he knows how to respond to people telling him he's attractive. accepting genuine compliments about the person beneath the mask? that's probably not something he's had much (if any) experience with in close to two centuries. he didn't have the luxury of being able to let anyone see who he really was.

all that to say that this interaction is really heartbreaking. he wants to be seen, wants to be understood and possibly loved, but at the same time he still thinks he needs to put on a front to ensure he can keep himself safe. watching him slowly start to unlearn those habits during the course of the game has been one of my favorite things about bg3 and a huge part of what's really endeared astarion to me as a character.

[musings-of-a-rose]

Say You'll Remember Me

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word Count: 1500+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: This one came to me right after S2 Ep 2 so…beware of sad. Shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for beta reading and letting me crush her heart a little

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

→Tell Tumblr this should be shared with others by reblogging! That's what the algorithm loves (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Joel Miller Masterlist

I remember the first time I saw him. People in Jackson started whispering the moment he and his teenage daughter came through the gates. I caught a glimpse of him through Tommy's mussed up curls as he embraced him, fists pounding on the other's back. I couldn't make him out clearly. 

I remember asking Tommy later that day who he was. “My big brother,” he said with a small smile. “I thought he was dead and here he is!” 

I remember literally bumping into him later that night, his strong hands gripping my shoulders to keep me steady. His eyes find mine, and I remember momentarily forgetting to breathe. He was older than me, greys streaking through his hair. His eyes were big and brown and sad. 

I remember hearing his voice, gruff but soothing, a drawl like Tommy's spilling from his lips. “Are you alright?” I think I nodded. I know I smiled like a damn school girl. “All set.” Yeah. That's what I said. I remember being so embarrassed, but a tiny smirk ticked up the corner of his mouth. “Alright then.” 

I remember looking for him the next day but instead finding Tommy, who told me he and his daughter, Ellie, had left. Not his daughter but may as well be. Some sort of quest. He didn't give me details and I didn't ask. 

I remember thinking of him often. I never had a man have this effect on me before. I found myself wondering if he would come back. And if he did, would I have the courage to speak to him?

I remember the spring day when he returned, Ellie and him. Something was different. Changed. I didn't know what but I was so thrilled to see him again that I didn't pay it any mind at that moment. 

I remember talking to myself in the mirror, hyping myself up to bring him a cup of coffee. I don't drink it as often as others, so I had a bit of a stash left from our last run. 

I remember him opening the door when I knocked, his eyes still sad but focused fully on me, until he saw the coffee I held out. I remember the way his eyes lit up, the smile that crossed his face, and I remember thinking how beautiful he was. 

I remember bringing him coffee every day for 2 weeks before Maria pulled me aside, her belly big and round, and told me to “Stay away from Joel Miller. He's not a good man.” I remember I didn't give a fuck what she'd said. Lucky for me, she went into labor not too long after and was busy with a newborn. 

I remember our conversations on his front porch that eventually moved inside. He started making me breakfast. And when he learned that I was giving him my ration of sugar for his coffee, he added bacon to the mix. 

I remember the first time I heard him laugh, head thrown back, belly shaking, tears running down his face. I vowed to myself to try and make him laugh like that as often as I could. 

I remember the first town party we went to, the first dance we had. I remember that's when it shifted, from friends to…something more. He looked down at me, his eyes glancing down at my lips before he pulled away. 

I remember following him all the way to his house, standing on his porch as he told me he was too old for me. I remember telling him that I was 35 and didn't care. 

I remember the first moment his lips touched mine. Hesitant at first, then desperation. Slightly chapped but still so soft as he kissed a path down my neck. 

I remember the first time he laid between my thighs, making me feel things I'd never felt before. I remember laying with him after, my head on his chest listening to his heart and thinking that I never wanted to leave. 

I remember us officially making our couple debut in town, how Tommy clapped him on the back and winked at me. How Maria rolled her eyes but still always supported us. 

I remember we bickered sometimes, but we always made up. 

I remember the sadness creeping back in the further Ellie pushed away from him. “Give her time,” I'd said. After all, she's still a teenager. 

I remember watching as he helped fortify and expand Jackson. The way his muscles pulled under his shirt, the sweat dripping from his brow. I remember the massages I'd give him and the sounds he'd make, both from the massage and when he slid between my legs. 

I remember being happy. 

I remember that morning. It was cold. Likely a blizzard coming through later. I remember him pressing a kiss to my forehead as he left early for patrol with Dina. I remember grabbing his wrist and begging him to stay in bed with me. 

I remember him saying he loved me and that he'd see me later. 

I remember the day going by and going about my chores, preparing our home for the blizzard that had already crept over the horizon. I remember hoping he and Dina and the others on patrol would find a safe place to wait out the storm.

I remember waking. I must have fallen asleep. The day was late and he wasn't back. 

I remember the pit in my stomach that appeared out of nowhere. I remember thinking something isn't right. 

I remember the knock. The sound was small but it echoed in my head. I remember wanting to be sick. 

I remember the look on Tommy's face right before he told me and my world split apart. I remember crumbling to the floor, a wail I'd never made before clawing it's way out and down the street. I remember Tommy joining me, holding me while we both mourned. 

I remember seeing him laying on a table under a sheet. I remember seeing his knuckles, bruised, chapped, and bleeding. I remember grabbing his hand, hoping that he'd jump up and announce the world's worst joke ever. I remember nearly vomiting at the coldness of his hand. I remember Tommy telling me not to look under the sheet, begging me not to. 

I remember ignoring him. 

I remember pulling back the sheet and seeing his broken and battered face, his blown out kneecap, the broken bones. I remember screaming and crying, rage filling me and spilling over. I remember yelling as loud as I could for as long as I could. When I couldn't rage anymore, I planted a soft kiss on his forehead. 

I remember getting a bucket of water and a cloth, gently cleaning him of all the dried blood. I remember Tommy coming in while I was doing this. He said nothing but returned a short while later with one of Joel's favorite outfits that we put on him. 

I remember the funeral. I don't remember the words said but I remember watching them lower him into the ground, half of me going with him. I stayed there long after the sun went down, staring  at a tombstone that simply read JOEL MILLER. 

I remember how quiet the house got. And how loud that silence was. No puttering about in the kitchen, tinkering with random things. No making breakfast. No sound of boots on the floor. My bed was cold and empty. I remember sleeping in his shirts just to feel him with me. And then I would wake up and remember. 

I remember a couple months later when I realized I was pregnant. “How can I do this without him?” I cried in Tommy and Maria's arms. “He didn't even know! Maybe if he knew, he wouldn't have gone on patrol and then he'd….he'd..” Tommy told me to not think that. Those people had it out for him and they'd have come one way or another. 

I remember so many nights crying for him, the hole in my heart the same size as it was the moment Tommy knocked on my door. Ellie came back inside the house then, helping me when I needed it. 

I remember calling for him when I was giving birth. I yelled for him to be here and out she came, our daughter, Sarah. The moment she was laid on my chest, she turned and looked at me and I saw his eyes staring back out at me. And it was then I realized. 

It's my job to remember. 

Remember how she looked at birth. Her first steps. Her first food. Remember how she mispronounced words, what her favorite book was, how she fell out of the tree in the backyard and nearly broke her arm. How she was just as stubborn and headstrong as him. How she met a boy and fell in love. How they also had a child and we became grandparents. How those grandkids are and what joy they bring to my life. 

I remember sitting in my chair, looking out into our backyard at the tree he'd carved our initials in claiming the house as our own. I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and look up into beautiful brown eyes that I'd seen every night in my dreams. 

“Hey sweetheart. All set?”

I can't wait to show him what I remember. 

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe

@greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @icanbeyourjedi  

@wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso  

@theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz 

@gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @booksarekindaneat @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox 

@amneris21 @gooddaykate @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed  

@ladykatakuri @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol  

@mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @justreblogginfics @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry 

@mysterious-moonstruck-musings @heartpascalispunk @speaktothehandpeasants

[holylustration]

My thoughts about my Tumblr under the cut. What do the kids say these days? Something something, rent lowering gun shots?

I started this side-Tumblr account as a medium to think through my stories, establish accountability for myself by posting WIPs and snippets, as well as share cool moodboard ideas and art created for or from my fanfics. After meeting other folks on Twitter and Discord, that struck me as a bit egocentric, because why wouldn't I want to share the stuff of my talented friends, too? And then I started to reblog other content that I liked that was on-brand with my theme, which is Rogue Trader fanfic and fanart.

Blog history out of the way, let's talk about content. On my little blog, you are just not going to see a lot of head canons or meta-critiques. If you want my takes, go read my fanfics, otherwise, I'm not going to risk yucking on someone else's yum. And I've seen the raging head canon debates! I don't want that on my pretty fanfic and fanart, sometimes memey, Tumblr. That isn't what I want in my space.

As for what takes up that space, well, there's no right, special privilege, or entitlement as to what I post or reblog. I love the stuff my friends make and I love the stuff that people I don't know make that my friends reblog. But even then, not everything makes the cut.

Not getting a reblog, like, or follow, or being unfollowed, is not a personal slight or an attack. I have been on Tumblr since the early oughts and I am mystified that this is the new peception. There could be any number of reasons why I don't do the Thing - you've got content that's already similar to a lot of other stuff I follow and I've got too much of it already and need to trim it down; maybe you have headcanons and ideas that I don't want to read (but that does NOT mean that I don't support your right to have them, let's make that clear); maybe you post a lot of Other Fandom content that I'm not in or into; maybe you format your posts in ways that are unreadable; maybe its all of the above and I don't know you enough to give you a pass about it; or maybe there's just so much content on my dash that I missed your great post that a mutual reblogged. Please don't take it personally. I don't take it personally when someone doesn't follow me or reblog my stuff - I'm not owed anything by anyone and I can't force anyone to like my stuff. I can't be the only one who understands that others, like me, are but one person and can only engage with so much content in their day, whether that's fanfic, Tumblr, or anything else. Maybe that isn't obvious though.

And, again, this my blog, and I'm allowed to do what I want with it within Tumblr's terms of service. I owe no explanation to anyone, but now you've all now gotten to peer behind the veil. Understand that I curate my Tumblr experience to avoid using the block button.

"But Holy," you cry, "The Rogue Trader tags are filled with things that you should be engaging with. You need to look there!"

First, should is such an ugly word. I don't get paid to be in fandom. I'm not a public figure. I'm not an Owlcat employee. I'm not a Games Workshop writer. I'm an old, married woman with a fulltime job and a commute who writes fanfiction for her own enjoyment when she gets a spare minute. You can't make me do anything, and if you tried, then you'd know that making my Tumblr experience a chore makes it unfun and so I will leave and go elsewhere. You'll still get the fanfic, but no sneaky peekies or commissioned fanart - you'll have to wait for it to get posted to Ao3.

Second, I learned in the early days of the Rogue Trader fandom to stay out of the tags, and I very much have continued to adhere to that practice. In the days of yore, the tags were filled with nothing but negativity and insults (sometimes hurled directly at me for my fanfic(s)!), and that's not changed all that much in recent months, though now there are new targets (good for me, bad for everyone else). So, I'm not in the tags. I never will be in the tags. I won't see anything you post unless I'm tagged in it or someone I follow reblogs it and it's on my feed when I'm browsing.

And, honestly, those early fandom experiences and some of these recent ones have only served to make me increasingly wary of folks I don't know who occupy space in those very same tags. I challenge anyone to remain warm and open when you've had folks faking drama for their own self-image and messaging you for months to kill yourself, while others threaten to find where you live and do the job that your own cowardly hand won't. :) There are crazy, obsessive, and out of touch people in the world, and I will always protect myself and those I love first. That includes protecting the content on my dash and how I choose to use and interact with Tumblr (and other social media) for my own safety and sanity. If you think that's selfish, you know how to unfollow me.

But if, for whatever reason, you WANT my attention, if you just know in your heart of hearts that we are DESTINED to be mutuals and besties, and you're not willing to wait for the Introverted stray cat in me to warm up and trust you of her own volition, then please just send me a DM. Make a comment on a post. At me in an ask challenge or something. I do eventually notice! And we probably will become besties and mutuals. And if we don't hit it off, well, that's life, we move on and there're no hard feelings.

But without reaching out, don't assume that I'm in some tower brushing my hair and ignoring you. You're giving me (and my hair) way too much credit.

[nadg-ttrpg]

Controversial opinion (?)

The magnus archive role playing game (TMARPG) is a good TTRPG. But it's not a good Magnus Archive TTRPG, it's a good TTRPG that happens to be set in a Magnus Archive universe. Hear me out. It's published by Monte Cook Games, using their Cypher System. The Cypher is a good system, used in hits like Numenera or The strange, but it's not adapted to play a Magnus Archive game. They tried really hard to make it work, and they made very interesting changes to the base system. From the health tracking making you more fragile to the eponymous Cyphers being more like abilities than magic objects like in other games. And honestly, yeah, it works! It's a great investigation game, cthulhu style, allowing you to play a crew of archival assistants or a similar group, trying to survive unspeakable horrors and maybe stop rituals. But. BUT.

Magnus Archives, the podcast, isn't just about the investigation. It's an office comedy, and a tragedy, and - most important to me - a reflection on morality, mortality and humanity. It's a podcast that, to quote a tumblr post I saw once, "spend the first 100 episodes showing you irredeemable inhuman monsters... and the 100 next asking you to change your mind on them by showing the protagonist is becoming one". It's a story talking of powers beyond human understanding, but mostly of the humans stuck with them. Asking how far you'll go for a taste of power, how far you'll go to survive, how far you'll go to protect the ones you love. Showing times and times again that getting the power you crave will divorce you from humanity, and that this pull is hard to resist. And that to stay somewhat human, you need anchors, friends, connections. And frankly, there is nothing in the TMARPG to encourage this kind of story. I agree, this is mostly a me problem. My standard is that when I play a licensed RPG I want the original story to be possible with the rules as written. Maybe this is too much to ask. I genuinely don't know. But it's the rule by which I judge a game. When I play an Alien TTRPG, I want the monster horror and the PC betrayals to be encouraged by the rules. When I play a Lord of the Ring TTRPG I want mechanics for travel, honor and temptation. When I play a My Little Pony TTRPG, I want the game to help me with the magic and the friendship. And when I play TMARPG, I'd like the rules to encourage the same themes as the podcast. I could do this freestyle with the rules as is, GM my way out of this, request the help of the players with their backstory and character arcs. Or I could turn to an other TTRPG. Enter Unknown Armies (UA), an occult game about broken people conspiring to fix a broken world - sounds familiar? It wasn't made with TMA in mind, it was published before the podcast even existed. It also have it's flaws, I heard it described as "taking itself too seriously" many times. But despite this, UA drinks at the same source than TMA.

They both embrace a Jungian philosophy gosh that sounds so pedantic, the idea that the collective unconscious of the humanity create archetypes, powers, Fears. They both feature relationships as both something that needs to be cared for and link to humanity. They both have heavy use of trauma and mental breakdown, depicted as realistically as possible. Actually, UA link them directly to your stats. Witnessed violence? You can react either by being hardened and unfazed by it, or traumatised and deeply troubled by it. This will make it either easier for you to fight, or to dodge. I love it. They both have a supernatural system where you can only get those powers by acting in ways that make you an outcast, be it by being an arsonist, someone living their life through a camera lens tape recorder anyone?, or even someone fascinated by the flesh and blood. They both have weird artifacts. They both have ways to become avatars. And you can actually have a power imbalance betwen the PCs! You can have an avatar and an "antechrist's plus one" is the same party. They are made for each other. TLDR: Unknown Armies is a better Magnus Archive TTRPG than The Magnus Archives Role Playing Game. TMARPG is a good TTRPG, but not a game that actually uses the themes of the podcast. If you want to play an investigation team cthulhu-style, by all mean, play TMARPG. If you want to play a tragedy about inhumanity and power, play Unknown Armies. The Magnus Archives is a podcast written by Jonathan Sims and distributed under a CC NC-SA-BY 4.0 license. Thanks for listening.

[aetherceuse]

I'm retiring from Tumblr indie RP.

A few months ago over on @/chounaifu, I made a post stating that I was taking a hiatus from my Pokémon blogs, and that I wasn't sure whether or not I'll be returning to the community.

After spending that time away, I've come to the conclusion that I am done with Tumblr indie RP as a whole.

I've been in the Tumblr indie scene on and off since 2012, and in the Pokémon rpc on and off since 2016. I'm at a point where I've recognized that this environment isn't healthy for me.

When I sit down in a group environment for any hobby, I want to be able to focus on-- well-- doing that hobby. I can't do that here. The majority of my focus goes into trying to keep track of who has who blocked, so that I don't unintentionally bring two muns who hate each other into the same rp plot. Next to that, I feel a lot of stress and anxiety when I'm on the dashboard, because I feel a lot of pressure to constantly send and answer asks memes, reblog promos, participate in dash commentary, and reply as quickly as I can before a topic or theme is no longer relevant. That just isn't compatible with the energy level that I have these days. I feel genuinely guilty when I can't engage with everyone. I feel like I have this unspoken responsibility to be as active as possible, to interact with every post, otherwise people are going to assume that I hate them for not sending a meme. And while I know that isn't the case with everybody, I've had that experience more times than I can count, and I'm just worn out.

It's difficult for me to be able to write stories and engage with people when so much of my limited energy is put into these things. As a result, it then leads me towards not wanting to write at all.

On top of this, I'm really gutted to know that various people are too anxious to write the same muse as me, because of dupe anxiety. I already worry about taking up too much space in life in general. I don't want to hold my breath about that. I don't want my presence to make someone so anxious that they block me. It's not a good feeling.

I don't know guys. I've been writing in a different environment for a while now, and it's better for my mental health. I'm not going to yap about it here, because truth be told, the few times I have on Bluesky and Discord were met with a lot of negativity. I don't take things like that personally, but I don't have the capacity for much more of it right now. Not with how stressful everything else is.

Idk.

Life is finite, and I want to spend it doing things that make me happy. This doesn't make me happy. Community discourse doesn't make me happy. Thinking about the amount of time I've spent in the past, sitting in chat rooms, listening to and engaging in conversations related to Tumblr rp drama just makes me sad. It makes me really sad. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to feel that anymore.

Maybe I'm just not a good match for spaces like this. CPTSD is a difficult condition to live with. When I'm triggered, it can make me stressed and physically ill. And right now, I don't feel like I can navigate the indie rp environment without exposing myself to behaviors and habits that trigger me. So, I'm bowing out.

I'm open to writing on Discord with people. I know that isn't the preferred format for everyone. But I need to do what's good for me, and put myself first.

There's still a lot of good memories associated to the indie rp community for me, though. I've made friends that I want to keep for life. I laughed, I joked around, we had some epic rp moments, I only wish I could have more of that, and that the community was more open to dash events, group plots, and healthy, honest communication. But, I understand that communication is difficult. Not everybody gets along. Things function the way they do here, and, it's not my place to change it.

If you want to add me on Discord to stay in touch, I'm at 000missingno. <- Don't forget the period. Otherwise, I'm on to the next adventure.

Sorry for slow Discord responses. Life is hard and I'm tired.

I have so much love for many of you guys. Please do things that make you happy.

- Rex

[tokyonymph]

DEAD PIXEL: an anya (mouthwashing) playlist.

"in the back of my mind, it's always there."

listen on [spotify].

cover art belongs to @borcheim on tumblr.

disclaimer: contains sensitive themes, including SA, suicidal ideation, and abuse.

the full tracklist and selected lyrics are below the cut:

I. THE WINDOWS ARE PLASTIC - wrong organ [instrumental]

II. ESCAPE POD - paris paloma in those first hours, no one heard me / scream at the hateful, cold eternity / and i have been floating ever since then / with nobody, but the darkness as my friend

III. MY SEPTEMBER - nastyona you don't love me / but you won't leave me alone / from the day i swallowed the black fruit that you gifted me / my dull days turned grey forever

IV. A DANGEROUS THING - aurora something about you is warm and seducive, and / when you're with me, you're cold and abusive / i knew, from the second we met, you are a dangerous flame / you are a dangerous flame

V. THE GREATEST - billie eilish man, am i the greatest? / god, i hate it / all my love and patience / unappreciated

VI. DUVET (ACOUSTIC) - bôa and you don't seem to understand / a shame you seemed an honest man

VII. CASSANDRA - florence + the machine well, can you hear me? / i cannot hear you / every song i thought i knew, i've been deafened to / and there's no one left to sing to

VIII. WHY DON'T YOU EAT ME NOW, YOU CAN - soko why don't you eat me now? you can / it would be better than to stand / the look you give me that makes me feel / like i don't belong here

IX. BREATHING - kate bush what are we going to do without? / oh, leave me something to breathe / we are all going to die without / oh, god, please leave us something to breathe

X. I BET ON LOSING DOGS - mitski i bet on losing dogs / i know they're losing and i pay for my place by the ring / where i'll be looking in their eyes when they're down / i'll be there on their side, i'm losing by their side

XI. CONTROL - poe while you were selling your soul / while you were tearing a hole in me / i was taking control / now i have taken control (i have control)

XII. HEADLOCK - imogen heap you've been walking, you've been hiding / and you look half dead half the time / monitoring you, like machines do / you've still got it, i'm just keeping an eye

XIII. NO SURPRISES - radiohead i'll take a quiet life / a handshake of carbon monoxide / and no alarms and no surprises / no alarms and no surprises

XIV. MEDICINE - daughter you could still be what you want to / what you said you were when i met you / you've got a warm heart, you've got a beautiful brain / but it's disintegrating from all the medicine

XV. LAST WORDS OF A SHOOTING STAR - mitski i always wanted to die clean and pretty / but i'd be too busy on working days / so i am relieved that the turbulence wasn't forecasted / i couldn't have changed anyways / i am relieved that i'd left my room tidy / goodbye

[utilitycaster]

Apologies in advanced for the long ask, but i think it is telling that the sort of people who argued for Predathos to be released, and that the Prime Deities deserved to be killed, are the same type of people who would turn around and argue that Solas has a point and that the Veil should be rent open. Hilarious, considering that the talking points usually used to argue in favor of either one are at complete odds with the other.

Both fandoms are guilty of ripping characters agency away so that they can't be blamed (that wild take from a few weeks back that Solas' whole deal was that he was basically manipulated by Mythal into trying to take down the Veil vs. The arguement Bells Hells "had no choice" regarding their decisions in Predathos' lair), arguing that both parties goals is to "save the little people" and then not being able to actually put to words how their grand plans would actually help against systemic issues (also, in both situations, no one actually asked the "little people", who are portrayed as NOT being on board with either plan), and would rather risk a cataclysmic event to "change the status quo" (and feeling antagonistic towards storylines where people are doing that work to dismantle systems because it's "not enough"), it's just more of the same.

Both fandom groups having a history of not being able to handle anyone who does not share their opinion can't be a coincidence either.

Insanely, I also can imagine that if, say, Taliesin says something less than positive about Ashton during the upcoming wrap-up (and he very well might, considering his history, that he was likely playing with a similar theme that he has with many of his characters and never intended for Ashton to always be "right", but to have the assumption that they are "right" and putting a force of personality behind it and seeing what happens) that any diehard Ashton stans would immediately disavow Taliesin of having any understanding of the character a la how the DA devs obviously have no understanding of Solas (a character they wrote) because they made him a villain.

Anyway, you don't have to post or respond if you don't want to. Just wanted to vent to someone who understands the frustration, being in both fandoms, and how annoying it is to see this approach to interacting with media, but, if you have the time: what do you think draws this type of fan in? What about both these stories appeals to them? Why do they inspire such strong feelings?

Hi anon,

Re everything pre final paragraph, agreed. I mean, we've already seen this re: Taliesin saying, repeatedly, in character and out, that Molly is dead and Kingsley is a separate person and this is very much his intention, and people ignoring that. They may not disavow Taliesin but if they don't, they'll either decide secret messages are being sent to them via Morse code blinks or that others in the cast made him do it, or attack other fans who have absolutely no control over this.

I started writing out a very long and in-depth answer to what draws this fan in/why they like these stories, but I think it comes down to something much more simple. It’s not confined to Veilguard nor Campaign 3 by any means, but it certainly does exist there: To quote @burr-ell in conversation, “too many people want RPG to mean ‘im the specialest birthday boy and god's favorite princess and if you're mean to me i get to blow the whole building up’ and not like, playing a role in a game.” 

We are also very specifically talking about the responses to these works on Tumblr, and there is a specific culture here of "our modern world is uniquely awful and my life is harder than that of a medieval serf [it’s not] therefore the only valid response to bring about a better world is drastic and often violent complete destruction of the status quo without any interrogation of what specifically to keep and what to destroy [it’s not], but because anything less than perfect and rapid action is problematic [it’s not], doing things is bad [it's not], so I balance eternally in a space of miserably doing nothing and telling myself I am virtuous for doing so [they’re not]." It’s a uniquely ignorant, ahistoric, self-absorbed, and utterly ineffective mindset for achieving any material goals in the real world, which I do think is why they are so drawn to fictional options, where they can briefly escape this entirely self-imposed powerlessness without having to like, work on themselves as a person.

This leads to this idea that agency is something that only the most privileged have, so if you have agency, you are privileged and therefore bad unless you use it to prop up their belief that they're the most special birthday boy. And finally I think the immersive nature of RPGs attract people who really want to sink into and over-identify with a character, though again that’s not exclusive to fantasy nor RPGs.

And so: the world needs drastic change, but change has to come with someone with agency, which can only be the domain of privilege (old white man) but maybe a little bit other (elf) so that he Gets It. But he would have stuck to the Status Quo [which in this case is specifically the Veil and the Gods but not like. Other problems, because Status Quo is what these people use to mean Big Impossible Problem That Only The Specialest Birthday Boys Who Never Did Anything Else Before In Their Life Can Solve and not like. Tevene slavery or Dwendalian Imperialism] had he not experienced Trauma or Manipulation. This gives him a Motivation, and also, because Trauma or Manipulation confers Total Absolution by removing Personal Agency But Permitting Action, he is never to be questioned in his goals [Until it’s Critical Role Campaign 3 episode 119 and you realize with the sickening crunch of the single cell of your brain falling to the base of your skull that your pure as driven snow agencyless yet still battling the gods babies Bells Hells have suppressed the story of Aeor for apparently no effect other than to almost get Liliana killed; have just stopped Ludinus; done what he was going to do anyway, and come up with another answer after the gods gave them a bunch of presents and now suddenly they are such good people for saving the gods (that they themselves put at risk, because to not put them at risk is to perpetuate the status quo, and the gods are bad because Bells Hells specifically are not treated by the gods as their favorite princesses except they definitely are, at least compared to the common people whom they don’t talk to, and also the good thing to do about bad people is to suppress the story of what you think their crimes are; anyway how dare the people of Vasselheim not weep with gratitude and kiss their feet when Bells Hells point a nuke at their lives' purpose. Extremely rude of them.)]

In short a lot of people project onto/identify very strongly with a character or characters whom the narrative, deliberately (Veilguard) or who the fuck knows the intent (C3) portrays as selfish and entrenched in their own pain to the point that they see pain inflicted on others as not just a necessary evil in the pursuit of their goals, but also their birthright to relish in, as the specialest birthday boy who was denied this. And if you as a viewer are like huh! Solas (or Ashton, or Laudna, or Imogen) is being an asshole, then first off, you are DENYING THEM THEIR BIRTHRIGHT, OPPRESSOR and second off you are PERSONALLY ATTACKING THE TUMBLR USER WHO IDENTIFIES WITH THEM and therefore you are EVIL and ATTACKS ON YOU ARE JUSTIFIED and thus they can feel like they are tearing down the status quo of evil bnfs [arbitrary term for people who sometimes maintag a coherent argument these fans do not like that gets more notes than their post did] because they will never, ever, do anything in real life other than uphold the status quo through inaction and an inability to care about other people, and post online about how revolutionary they are while better people actually do the work.

[lookingfts]

The trolls are back - here's how to deal with them

The anon harassers are back in the fandom after a hiatus, and I know this is an especially sensitive time for a lot of people. So I just want to share a few things (that can apply to any fandom) about my experience and how I've dealt with them in the past.

First, and this is the single most important thing, the harassment is NOT about you or your story. It is 1000% entirely about them. There was a time when the stories that got attacked were about specific themes they didn't enjoy. Then it was just every story that was remotely popular. Now, who even knows, it's just everything. Do you know what that tells me? It's not about the writer, or the story. (They've attacked some of THE most talented writers in the fandom and some of THE best stories.) It's about their jealousy over someone else creating something that is loved by others. It's their jealousy over not knowing what their purpose is in life and not knowing what they have to give, so rather than figuring that out, they'll just attack people who have found their gift. So, fuck them for that.

Second! Please believe me that I understand if this impacts your mental health. It's straight up cyberbullying, and that sucks, especially when you're making yourself vulnerable by putting your heart into something and sharing it with the world. So I will not judge you if you need to take a step back. But I would argue that the better way to give them the finger is to ignore them and keep doing what you enjoy. They've already chased several authors out of the fandom, and it clearly hasn't satisfied them at all - they won't be happy until every last person stops writing, for some fucking reason.

Third, here's how I got rid of (the vast majority of) the harassment, as I was getting it pretty bad at one point. First, change your comments on AO3 to "Only registered users can comment." You might literally have to go back and do it for all your stories. It's a pain in the ass, and it cuts off users without an account from commenting, and I know that sucks. But I promise it will solve 90% of the problem.

For shitty comments from a registered account, just go ahead and block those people.

If they send you asks on Tumblr (I get those too), just keep blocking. Go to your inbox, click the three dots in the top right corner of the message, and hit Block sender. You can even do this with Anonymous asks, and it will block Anonymous messages from THAT sender without blocking Anonymous asks altogether (a feature I dearly wish AO3 would adopt).

You can also report comments on AO3 and Tumblr - I'm not much of an expert in this, but it's an option.

There were other steps I had to take, but I don't want to give the harassers any ideas (I know they read my posts). So if you have issues beyond this, feel free to reach out to me directly and I can share more, or help you figure out how to deal with it.

I hope this helps. Fic writing is a fun, beautiful creative expression with a wonderful community and I am sick of watching people be pushed out of it. It is not a reflection on your talent, and if anything, shows me that the harasser read and liked your fic and THAT is what pisses them off. If it was truly bad, they wouldn't care. I love all of you writers, and I believe in you, and I am here for you. Together, there are so many more of us than there are of them.

[casscainmainly]

thank you so much for answering my ask! and so fast too, haha, don't worry about deleting it that stuff happens <3

i'm just curious though, im kinda new to dc and i mostly know stuff from tumblr (ive started reading comics from reading lists tho!)

since you're a cass fan, what makes you think dick is the fav? i love them both ofc but just tryna improve my understanding of the dynamics between the family. i've heard that cass and damian are the favorites? and jason? though apparently jason is only in fanon and ahh im just kinda confused im so sorry for the stupid questions

Trust me, no question about comics is stupid!! It's impossible to know everything (and I'm relatively new myself haha), so don't feel bad about asking anything. Plus I love answering asks :)).

Anyway, fantastic-nonsense's post here covers about all of why I think Dick is the fav. In case you don't wanna go there, here's one of the panels:

From Infinite Crisis #6. As clear an answer as we'll ever get, I think.

The question of 'who is Bruce's favourite?' is always subject to personal interpretation, though. Lots of factors - what a person has read, which character they like, what interpretation they have of Bruce - go into who someone thinks is Bruce's fav. Sometimes it's not even a question of pure canon, but a question of theme. Which character being Bruce's fav is the most narratively compelling? To me, that's Dick - their relationship has the most history, the most depth, and frankly I prefer one of Batman's successors (who to me is Dick or Cass only) being his favourite.

Cass being the fav is compelling too, but not as compelling to me as her not being the fav. Her story, her quest to break free from White men's expectations (both David and Bruce's), makes me not want her to be tied to Bruce's love too much. So while there are great canon reasons for her being the fav, I don't think it's a necessary or even particularly interesting angle for Bruce-Cass.

I actually haven't heard many people argue for Damian being Bruce's fav (it's usually Dick or Cass in my circles), which goes to show how much opinions vary haha. Damian has great reasons too - his entire death/resurrection has strong Bruce-Damian moments - but this is the least interesting fav kid pick to me. He's been raised to think of himself as Bruce's fav, and his arc is about undoing that belief in legacy, being the heir, etc. So being Bruce's fav doesn't do much for him. Having the only bio kid be the fav isn't that interesting either.

Jason definitely is the most fanon-y pick, though Jay being Bruce's fav is genuinely interesting. It's just that Bruce's love for Jason is a lot about the dead kid he used to be, and also half of why Jason is so obsessed with Dick is because he knows Bruce is obsessed with him. So in a roundabout way my preferred Jason-Dick dynamic hinges on Jason not being Bruce's fav. But I'm not well-read on Jason, I think some Jason fans might have good reasons for him being the fav.

These are all my interpretations of these characters, and the fun about reading comics is growing to develop your own opinion about questions like this! To me Bruce's fav isn't a strict right/wrong answer, I'm like one well-written meta away from changing my mind. But I hope this clarified my thoughts on the question!

[00-jammy-00]

Heyo, I'm so obsessed with your work 🙂 I hope you don't mind me flooding your asks for the next week. Can I get a yan!creep? Like, he finds reader (who's like a freshman) and thinks like "Damn, their hot" or smth, idk. And after he just starts stalking them, leaving creepy *explicit* photos of reader. If you feel uncomfortable with anything about my request, you can always just cut stuff out, or not do it entirely.

Please and thank you!

(P.S: Am I the only one that can't understand tumblr's color text? 😩 Seriously, I changed one letter and the whole paragraph went orange! I DID IT AGAIN WHILE TYPING THIS)

-🐑anon

Yan!Creep HC’s

Yan!Creep x GN! Reader

Content Warning - Yandere themes, stalking, obsession, implied blackmail, theft, nsfw mentions

——————————————————————————————————

Yan!Creep who first saw you walking down the hallways, cluelessly looking for your classes. He swear his heart stopped when you looked at him with those doe like eyes asking for help.

Yan!Creep who started to accidentally follow you around. “Wow! How funny to see you here Y/N!” “This is my locker.” He struggled a bit to try and find your classes but eventually he knew your whole schedule, now he could accidentally run into you all the time!

Yan!Creep who didn’t like the way other people were starting to look at you. The guy from your science class is being extra nice to you? How strange. It’s even stranger how now the guy won’t even look in your direction without terrirfied eyes.

Yan!Creep who some how found out your dorm and also some how has a spare set of keys?? You’ve started to find some of your underwear and perfumes missing as well, it makes you paranoid.

Yan!Creep who has begun following you even more. You guys are best friends now! Aren’t you happy? Do you find him nice? Do you find him smart? Do you find him attractive? Hot? Sexy? Cute? Handsome? Say yes.

Yan!Creep who comforts you when your new friends have suddenly stopped wanting to be around you. Shh, they are just jealous, don’t worry, he’s here for you.

Yan!Creep who says he’s picked up bird watching as a hobby when you discover a pair of binoculars in his bag, this led to him frantically searching up different types of birds around your area at 5am to get rid of any lingering questions.

Yan!Creep who has a shrine of you in his wardrobe that holds everything he’s ever stolen borrowed from you. Notes, underwear, clothing, perfume, pens, water bottles, headphones, jewellery, chewed gum, fuck even sex toys are kept in his shrine. He can still smell your scent on them too!

——————————————————————————————————

Likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated, requests are open <3

please do not copy, repost or translate any of my works on other platforms without my permission.

[musings-of-a-rose]

Hi, just wanted to say that I love your work! Especially with Benny and Frankie so much that I have an idea for Benny! Female reader (not picky about the name) meets Benny at a bar days after she catches her now ex-boyfriend cheating on her and they hook up at his place, but she leaves before he wakes up. She later finds out she's pregnant but doesn't tell anyone who the father is. Months later while still pregnant, her friends convince her to come with them to see a MMA fight and low and behold Benny is there fighting. He doesn't see her at first, but when the fight ends (which he wins) he sees her and she leaves abruptly while hiding her stomach since she's wearing baggy clothing. However, Benny manages to catch up to her, where she reveals the news to him. They then talk some more at her place where he reveals to her that she's been on his mind ever since that night and begins the start of something new.

One Night Can Change Everything

Pairing: Benny Miller x f!reader 

Word Count: 6400+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: Rea is a general nickname for a “reader” character that @mermaidxatxheart came up with and I think that’s genius! This is not beta’d.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

→Tell Tumblr this should be shared with others by reblogging! That's what the algorithm loves (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

“Ok, that’s it. I’m making you get out of this bed now,” My best friend Sage declares as she towers over my bed, where I have lived for the past several days. Ever since I caught my boyfriend sleeping with my co-worker. Co-workerS.

Ex-boyfriend now, I suppose. 

I groan, attempting to roll over but Sage grabs my shoulder and flips me back over, digging her fingers lovingly into my skin. “I love you Rea, I do. But you have to get out of this bed. He’s not worth it.”

She’s right. I know she is. But we had been dating for nearly 2 years, mostly. It was on and off, but we had talked about marriage, kids, all of it. I thought he would be my forever but apparently, I was his “for now”. 

Fuck this asshole.

I sit up quickly, nearly colliding with Sage, and yank the covers off me, determination flooding my veins, choking out the hurt. For now, at least. 

“Alright, alright. I’m up.”

Sage points to the bathroom. “First, please take a shower. Then we’re going to Mick’s.” 

I’d almost forgotten about Mick’s, Sage’s favorite bar. Probably because it’s full of rugged, blue-collar men and Sage definitely has a type. Not that I can blame her. 

“Ok, but I’m just going for you. And science.”

Sage snorts. “Sure, Rea. Sure. Don’t forget to shave.”

—--------------

An hour later and I’m walking into Mick’s front door, loud music vibrating through me. It’s busy, but I’ve seen it busier and we manage to snag a couple of stools at the bar. Within 10 minutes, Sage is led to the dance floor by some burly lumberjack, complete with flannel shirt and all. I throw my hand up in the air in a “what about me” motion as she glances behind her, shrugging and gesturing around the room before focusing all of her attention on the flannel clad bear of a man in front of her, who is surprisingly agile. I turn back to the bar, taking my hand off the top of my glass, tossing the last of the liquid down my throat, coughing slightly at the burn. I set my glass down, my finger trailing along the rim, wondering if I should call an Uber or wait for my friend, when a man slides in next to me, flagging down the bartender. 

“5 beers, please.” His voice has a slight drawl to it, his tone warming me all over. 

“Seems a lot for one man.” Where the hell did that courage come from?

The man, clad in a button up light blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up that opens to reveal a camo print shirt, turns his head to me and for what feels like days, I’m rendered speechless. This man is gorgeous - a sloping nose,  sandy blonde hair that flips out from behind his backward hat, some patchy facial hair, and the most intensely blue eyes I’ve ever seen. They glance quickly down my body and back up, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. 

“Ain’t all for me, sweetheart. Got a table full of impatient assholes waiting for a beer.”

I cock my head to the side. “You lose a bet or something?”

The man tips his head back and laughs, his shoulders shaking with it and I feel my body tingle. I could listen to that sound forever. 

“How the hell did you know that?” His smile is wide, all of his attention on me, his eyebrows raised in question.

I shrug. “I’d send the guy who lost a bet to get the first round, at least.”

He chuckles. “Smart girl…I’m Ben. Friends call me Benny.”

I tell him my name. “But my friends call me Rea.”

“I like that. Nice to meet you, Rea.” He sticks his hand out to shake mine, but before I can, 4 beers slide in front of him and he glances down at them, his shoulders dropping ever so slightly. 

Finding courage from somewhere, I lay my hand on his forearm and have to resist squeezing. “You have to go back so soon?”

He smiles again, the skin around his eyes crinkling with it. “Nah, sweetheart. I’ll be right back. Promise me you’ll wait right here?” There go the eyebrows again, pulling together and making him look like a puppy. Fuck I am so screwed.

“I’ll be waiting.”

He hesitates for a brief second before taking my hand and kissing the back of it. “Now that’s something to make a man move fast.” He winks, grabs the four beers, and heads off into the crowd, making his way towards the back of the room. Hate to see him leave, but damn I’m loving watching him go, his 6’3 frame easily visible over the crowd. He drops off the beers somewhere at the back of the room, turning quickly to push his way back through the crowd, his eyes locking on mine and giving me a sly smile. 

“You waited.” He slides back into the barstool next to me as I pull my leg from it, the universal gesture for this is saved.

Fuck his eyes are so blue. “You came back.”

A smile plays at the corner of his lips. “Did you think I wouldn’t?”

I look down for a moment, my mind going back to my ex and all of his cheating, making me feel less than. Benny seems to sense something, his large hand hesitating a moment before he gently squeezes my arm. “You ok?”

I shake my head, my eyes locking back on his blues. “Yeah. I’m great now you’re here.”

Benny is easy to talk to, fun, and flirty. He’s in Delta Force, or was, with his actual brother, one of the men that he’d owed a beer to earlier. We talk about everything and anything, Benny eventually pulling me to the dance floor and whisking me about, sometimes dancing and other times being silly and smiling when I laugh. After several songs, we need a break, managing to snag a couple of stools at the bar, sipping on a couple of drinks. 

“So you live local?” He asks me, taking another swig from his beer.

I nod. “Yeah. I don’t typically come here, but my friend Sage dragged me out of the house.”

“Well remind me to thank her. She here?”

“Actually,” I turn and look out at the crowd for several moments, finally seeing her in the back corner, making out with Flannel Bear Man. I chuckle. “Yeah, she’s a little occupied.”

Benny chuckles, taking another swig of his beer, his free hand hesitating a moment before landing on my bare thigh, just above my knee. “Well I can keep you company.” 

His warm hand against my skin has my brain short-circuiting. I can’t think of what to say so I return his question. “Are you local?”

He nods, his thumb slowly rubbing circles across my skin. “Yeah. But some water main or somethin’ broke in my building. They put us all up in hotels until they fix it. Burst a few pipes.”

“Oh no! Is your stuff ok?” I place my hand over his on my leg, giving it a little squeeze and move it further up my thigh, heat immediately rushing to an area not far from where his hand is. 

He clears his throat. “Uh, y-yeah. Well, I had some water damage but didn’t lose anythin’ big. They just have to put down new floors.”

The music volume suddenly goes up by several volumes, turning the place into a mini club. Benny winces and I can see that it triggers him, the loud sounds and people becoming a little much. I lean in closer to his ear, gently rubbing circles into the back of his hand. 

“It’s too fucking loud! Wanna get out of here?” I pull my head back to look at him, our faces only an inch apart. His eyes flit between mine, briefly pausing on my lips.

“If you’re sure, hell yeah.”

I smile and he returns it before I lean back into his ear. “Let me flag my friend down and let her know. Stay right here so I don’t lose you.”

He turns his head, his nose brushing against my cheek. “I’ll be right here.” Hating that I have to move, I gently place his hand on his thigh and give him a wink before turning, scanning the corner where I had last seen Sage. She’s still there, Flannel Bear Man sucking on her neck. I force my way through the crowd and eventually emerge in front of her. Sage’s gaze takes a moment to settle on me.

“Rea! Where’ve you been?” She yells above the music.

I gesture to where I came from. “At the bar. Waiting for you.”

She gasps as Flannel Bear Man starts to bite her skin. “S-sorry, Rea. I-”

I cut her off, not wanting to intrude any longer. “No worries. I’m getting out of here. With a guy. I’ll get an Uber.”

Sage reaches out and grips my wrist, breaking the suction from Flannel Man who only seems to just realize I’m standing here. 

“A guy? You found someone? Do you need condoms?”

“Sage! I have to go!”

“Wait!” She pulls her clutch from somewhere and digs around in it, quickly sliding a few foiled square packages in my hand. “ Remember, it’s just a rebound. Don’t get attached. Have fun and be safe!”

I can’t help the heat in my cheeks, but I tuck the condoms in my bag. “Thanks. I’ll ping you my location.”

Sage releases my wrist and smiles at me before I turn back to Benny, shoving my way through more bodies on the dance floor. I emerge on the other side and see him still sitting where I left him, hat turned backward and looking so fucking hot. 

This is all so unlike me, but I like Benny. Sage’s words echo through my head “it’s just a rebound. Have some fun.”

I walk up to Benny and he turns his head, standing and giving me a wide smile. “Ready to go, sweetheart?”

I nod and he offers me his hand, which I happily accept, his touch warming me all over as he guides us through the crowd and out the front door, the volume immediately decreasing the moment the door closes behind us. 

“Now I can hear myself think!” Benny chuckles as he pulls my hand to his lips, lightly brushing them against my knuckles, his puppy dog eyes on mine. “Did you drive?

“Hhhm? Oh, uh no. Uber.”

Benny nods. “I have my jeep. I can drive us somewhere? Unless you’d feel safer using Uber?”

I study him for a moment, deciding that I trust him. “I love Jeeps.”

He smiles, his grip on my hand tightening slightly as he directs me to the parking lot, chatting a little too fast about his Jeep, like he’s nervous. He helps me into the passenger side, sliding across the hood to make it to the driver’s side quicker, smiling at my laugh. He starts the Jeep and gets the ac started before turning to me.

“Where to?”

It’s just a rebound. Have fun. “I’d love to see your hotel.”

His eyebrows raise, that same smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Yeah? You don’t have to. I mean, we could just get a burger or somethin’.”

I look down at my hands in my lap. Did I misread the signals? He was definitely coming on to me, right? I wasn’t reading into that? Before I can spiral further, Benny puts his hand over mine. “Hey, look. I like you and think you’re fucking hot as hell and would love to take you to my room to uh, show you the room. But I don’t want to presume or make you feel obligated or anything.”

I would choose a fucking gentlemen for a rebound. Fuck. I close my hand over his and meet his eyes. “Thanks, Benny. I don’t want to push you or presume either.”

He chuckles once, removing his hand to put his Jeep in reverse and then back into drive. “Sweetheart, you can take advantage of me any day.”

That breaks the awkwardness and has us laughing, falling back into conversation easily as Benny navigates through traffic. Gently, I lay his hand on my bare thigh again, wrapping my hand over his. He’s talking about something, I honestly can’t focus because he’s started to move, his fingers tracing slow lines across my skin as his hand moves further up my leg, getting closer to where I desperately want him to be. We hit a red light and the Jeep goes quiet, Benny turning to look at me as he slides his hand further up, his pinkie finger just barely tracing the crease of my thigh, heat and wet pooling just beyond his touch. My lips part and I let out a gasp of air, my eyes finding his. 

There’s a moment of hesitation but then I grip his shirt, pulling him towards me, our lips crashing together. He nips at my bottom lip and I gasp, Benny taking full advantage to slide his tongue into my open mouth, a small moan escaping me. His free hand leaves the steering wheel to grip the back of my head, holding me to him as he explores my mouth. The car behind us honks and we jump apart, the light having already turned green. Benny sticks his hand up to apologize to the car behind us, driving on, but immediately places his hand back on me, this time, his pinkie grazes up my panties and I squirm a little in my seat, not used to this much attention. He stills his movements.

“Is it too much?” He’s actually concerned.

“More like, not enough.”

Benny makes it to his hotel in record time.

Heated touches and kisses down the hallway has Benny dropping his room key a few times. As he tries to jam it into the lock, I slide my hands around him from behind, moving up his stomach from under his shirt and fuck he has a nice body, my hands moving lightly over his toned chest. He finally jams the key into the lock and flings the door open, tossing his keys on top of the dresser. He spins back around to face me, his eyes blown wide and dark with lust. 

He swallows hard. “Are you…are you sure?”

I step close to Benny, gently take his wrist and turn his hand palm up. One hand still holding his, I open my bag and fish out one of the foil squares, and place the condom in Benny’s hand. He glances down at it before looking back at me, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

“Rea, did you get a condom from your friend?”

I can feel the heat blooming in my cheeks. “No! I mean, technically yes but she-”

He cuts me off with his lips, one hand wrapped around my head and the other grips my hips, fingers digging into my skin as he pulls me flush against him. I can feel him hard beneath his jeans and I moan into his kiss, pressing myself against him so I can try to relieve some of the rapidly increasing hear between my thighs. He moves us and I feel the bed hit the back of my knees, but he holds me tighter before breaking the kiss. Both of us rip the shirts from our bodies, my bra quickly following. I reach for my pants but he grabs my wrists and stills them, his blue eys falling to my chest. He gently cups a boob and lightly pinches the nipple and I gasp, the small movement shooting straight between my legs. 

Then Benny sinks to his knees, eye level with my pants. He pops open the button on my jeans, sliding them down my legs where I help him kick them off. His large fingers trace the outline of my panties, the heat pooling there as I gasp at his touch. He hooks his fingers into them and slides them down my legs too, his eyes locked on the space between my thighs. 

“Fuck you’re beautiful,” he half whispers. A half chuckle escapes me before it turns into a moan as he slides his nose up my slit, bumping into my clit. He growls, using my hips to push me down on the bed, tossing my legs over his shoulders like it was nothing. 

Which I have no time to think about because his mouth is on me, his hands on my inner thighs, pressing them further apart, widening his canvas. His tongue explores me, seeking all the areas that have me writhing under his firm grip. He somehow finds spots that I didn’t even know existed, sucking lightly, lapping, the coil of pleasure quickly tightening until a sound erupts from me, somewhere between a chant and a moan, my fingers gripping his hair to keep him in the same spot as he prolongs my release. 

My head is in a blissful haze, but I manage a whine as he pulls away from me, taking his pants off when he does. I hear the sound of the condom opening and I watch him as he rolls the condom on himself. I lean up on my elbows to see better, because he’s gorgeous, not girthy but longer, and definitely not anywhere near a size I’ve had in me. 

“Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll take my time.” I blink, looking up at his face and see that there’s a hint of concern there, like he wants to make sure I’m comfortable.

I scoot further up on the bed to give him more space. “Don’t worry about me. I can take you.”

His eyes darken and he grabs my ankle, yanking me back down towards the end of the bed. I squeal, my body heating up again as he lowers himself between my legs. He pauses, his eyes bright as he glances between my own. 

“You’re so beautiful,” there’s that almost whisper voice again, his eyebrows pulling together so he looks like a puppy.

“So are you, Benny.” We take each other in for a few more moments, my body about to burst with all of the tension and hormones racing through it. “Now please fuck me, now.” I know I’m begging, but I don’t care. 

And neither does Benny, apparently, as he smirks. “Yes ma’am.”

He slowly presses his hips forward and I let out a moan as he stretches me, pushing further and further in. I’m not sure how, but he bottoms out, dropping his head to my chest, breathing heavy for a moment. 

“Fuck, you feel so good. Gimme a sec so I don’t blow my load like a teenager.”

I manage some sort of confirmation sound, but then a moment later, he slowly pulls out and presses back in, repeating this a few times so I can adjust to his length. It’s driving me mad and I writhe under him, feeling every inch of him as he slowly moves in and out of me. He pulls out, his hips pausing as he looks down at me and it’s like time stops. Just for a moment. Then his lips crash to mine as he pushes forward quickly, sliding into me in one fast movement and I cry out, my hands gripping his biceps, nails digging into his skin as his hips set a fast pace, his direction and speed adjusting to my moans of pleasure. Every time he pushes in, he hits a spot somewhere at the back of me, a place no one has touched, and it sends sparks through my vision, my entire body like a livewire as he pushes me towards the edge.

“Fuck, Benny, I’m gonna-” my body ignites, pleasure radiating out from my cunt, his name tumbling from my lips in praise, begging him to keep going, or stop, or do it again. I have no idea, my head so engulfed in pleasure. 

“Fuck!” He yells, pressing into me one last time before he grunts, little pants and gasps tumbling from him. His head falls to my chest as he comes down. 

We stay like that for several moments, trying to catch our breath. Eventually, Benny pulls out, tossing the condom in the trash can by the bed before rolling onto his back next to me.

“What’s your third favorite dinosaur?”

I laugh, my entire body moving with it as Benny joins in, tears running down our cheeks as my movements turn me towards him. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that question, let alone just after sex.”

Benny shrugs, smiling. “Had to break the tension and awkwardness somehow.” 

“Well that definitely works!”

His face grows serious. “You didn’t answer the question.”

After that laughing fit, I think on it a moment. “Pterodactyl. Because they can fly.”

Benny nods. “Interesting. What’s your favorite then?”

“Nope. I’m saving that answer for after round 2.”

His eyes grow dark almost instantly. “Round 2? Like, tonight?”

“Well, my friend gave me a whole row of condoms and I don’t want to take any home.”

—----

A few hours later, I’m laying in Benny’s bed, thoroughly fucked, Benny sprawled across the bed on his stomach, lightly snoring. He’s so fucking beautiful. But then Sage’s words echo in my head “It’s just a rebound. Have fun and bounce.” I sigh, unsure of what to do. I actually do like Benny, but is that just because he’s the first guy to actually pay attention to me in a long while? Self-doubt seeps in, my ex’s hurtful words and actions taking away the blissful feeling I’d had moments before. I shake my head, telling myself that if any of it was true, I wouldn’t be in a gorgeous man’s bed, a man who just spent the last few hours pulling every spark of pleasure possible from me. 

I quietly stand, gathering up my clothes. I get them on and lace up my boots, trying not to wake Benny. It’s better if I leave before he wakes up. Rebounds don’t work out anyway, so why prolong the inevitable? 

I turn to head towards the door and see the hotel pad of paper and pen next to the phone on the dresser. I stare at it a moment before grabbing the pen, scrawling a quick “Thank You” with a heart at the end. I slide it under his keys and walk to the door, glancing back at the sleeping form of Benny, the man who just restored my confidence. I close it quietly behind me, making sure the lock clicks into place and request an Uber to take me home. 

—----

Over the next few weeks, I try to get Benny out of my head. I try to stop thinking about him or talking about him. I know he’s a rebound, and those relationships don’t work out, as Sage has reminded me more than once. And I’m not sure I’m ready for a new relationship. I think. But talking to him had been so easy, effortless. Like we had been friends since forever. In a moment of desperation, I looked up the hotel on my Uber app and called it, knowing they wouldn’t give me any information about Benny. I can’t blame them. I don’t even know his last name. 

—----

2 lines. The pink lines emerge bright against the white of the testing stick, showing me the same result as the other 4 pregnancy tests I’d taken. My stomach lurches again and I make it to the toilet just in time. I close the lid and flush, wiping my mouth with a washcloth as I stare at my reflection. How the fuck did this happen? We’d used a condom every time, and he used them correctly. It must have been a faulty condom. Fuck, Benny. How am I going to tell him? No really, how? I don’t even know his last name and now I’m having his child. A knock at the door pulls me from my spiral.

“Rea?”

I sniff and wipe my face again. “Pregnant.”

She’s silent for just a beat. “Can I come in?”

I make a noise in approval and she opens the door, heads directly for me and pulls me into a hug where I let myself lose it. Tears streaming down my face, dry heaving breaths, all of it. It takes me a while to calm down enough to talk. Sage wipes my face with a cool cloth and it helps to soothe me a bit more. 

“Are you going to tell him?”

I scoff. “How, Sage?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know. Call the hotel? They have to have his info.”

I shake my head. “They won’t give it to me. Especially since I don’t know his last name.”

Sage cocks her head to the side. “How do you know?”

“Oh. I uh, I may have called a few weeks ago to uh try and uh…find. Him.”

She opens her mouth and then closes it. “That doesn’t really matter now. Do you know what you want to do?”

There’s so much I don’t know. I don’t know Benny’s last name. I don’t know where he lives, just that it’s local. I don’t know what he’d even say. I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know a lot. But there’s one thing that I did know right away.

“I’m keeping the baby.”

Sage takes a deep breath and nods once. “I can’t wait to be an auntie.”

—----

“Come on, Rea! You need to get out.”

I sigh, rubbing the side of my belly. “I’m 6 months pregnant, Sage. I don’t belong at an MMA fight.”

Sage copies my sigh and places her hand over mine. “You’ve been cooped up in your room for weeks. Just…come out to get some fresh air?”

“By sitting in a crowded auditorium surrounded by drunks?”

Sage shrugs. “I’m sure they won’t be drunk drunk. Besides, Henry has a special section all roped off just for us.” 

Henry is super sweet. The burly bear sized, flannel clad man from Mick’s had fit right into our friendship, even becoming a sort of surrogate brother for me. And it’s clear to me that he loves Sage with everything he is just by the way he looks at her.

I sigh again, shrugging in a defeated manner. Sage squeals and grips my arm. “Thank you! Oh, you’ll have fun! Just wait and see!”

So now I find myself in a crowded auditorium, surrounded by people drinking. Well, ok the crowd isn’t bad around us. Sage was right - Henry had literally roped off an entire section just for us and glared at anyone who tried to grumble about it. He was really into MMA and had a couple of cousins that were fighting so he always had tickets to some match that was happening. Are they called matches? I don’t know. 

Whatever they’re called, we’re a few in, Henry leaning over to tell us about each of the fighters as they’re announced. These matches are pretty brutal - I didn’t realize just how violent they can get, even with rules in place. The last match ends and the guy with the mop comes back out, cleaning away the blood that came from the last guy losing several teeth with a blow. Once cleaned, the microphone squeaks back on to announce the next fighters.

“From Red Feather Lakes, Colorado, standing 6’3, weighing in at 195 pounds, I give you BEN MILLER!”

A familiar memory scratches at the back of my head as the crowd screams and the doors open from the locker rooms somewhere in the throngs of people now on their feet. Henry leans in to yell in my ear.

“This guy is great! He’s kicked my cousin’s asses a few times! He…”

Whatever he said after fades into the background, which has dimmed to a loud hum, as Ben Miller struts into the ring, tossing his shirt to the side, revealing a very familiar tattoo and his face finally comes into my view.

Benny. 

My stomach leaps into my throat, my heart hammering through my chest as I stare down at the man who I could never shake from my mind, even before I was having his child. Which he doesn’t know about. 

A bell dings and Benny takes a few steps towards his opponent, who immediately clocks him in his jaw, Benny’s head flying backwards. The man manages to get a couple more hits in, Benny almost absorbing all of the hits. But then the man hesitates and Benny takes that moment to attack, winding his way around the ring, jabbing at his opponent in swift, concise, planned motions. The man only stays up for a few more seconds before crumbling to the ground and giving in. The crowd goes wild as the ref holds Benny’s arm in the air, blood trickling down from his nose, a giant smile on his face. My stomach lurches and I quickly stand, yelling something about the bathroom to Sage as I grab my jacket and run for the doors, the room suddenly too small and loud. I shove open the arena’s double doors and stumble out into the nearly empty hallway. The doors close behind me and I pause a moment, taking a few deep breaths to calm myself. But then the doors open behind me again and I attempt to stand up right.

“Rea?”

Benny’s voice echoes down the hallway and through me, my insides simultaneously tightening with nerves but also excited and swooning at his fucking calming tone. My back is to him but I don’t move. He takes a step closer.

“Rea? Is that you?”

Fuck. This isn’t how I would want him to find out. But how would he find out? It’s not like I could find him. I didn’t even know his last name. I don’t-

“Are you ok?”

His voice is closer now, only a few steps behind me. I swallow hard, willing myself to hold it together as I turn to face him, keeping my jacket covering my belly. His bright blue eyes immediately find mine, a smile quicking spreading across his beautiful face. He’s still shirtless and I have to focus to keep my eyes on his face.

“Rea! It is you! I thought I saw your face in the crowd! Did you see me fight?”

I manage a small smile. “Y-yeah. I did. Congrats.”

He shrugs. “Thanks. That guy was easy but when I saw you, I thought maybe he’d hit my head harder than I thought. What…I mean uh, how are you?”

I sigh, my small smile dropping. “I…I have to tell you something.”

His expression turns serious. “Ok. But if it’s about me not calling you, you sort of left me without a last name or number.” He chuckles but stops when I don’t react. 

I hold his gaze a moment longer before letting my jacket fall to the side, exposing my belly under my form fitting black dress. His eyes immediately fall to my belly, his head turning to the side as he takes it in. I can see the moment it clicks, only a second or 2 after I moved my jacket, his eyes widening as his brain works double time to do the math. He points to himself.

“Is that…am I…the dad?”

I nod, rubbing my hand along the side of my belly where the baby is currently moving. “Yes.” I wait for the yell or scoff of disbelief, storming off, telling me I won’t get anything. All of what I had anticipated. But when I look up at him I see tears shining in his bright blues.

“You’re not fuckin’ with me?” His eyebrows pinch together, enhancing the shine from his tears and I shake my head.

“No. You’re the only one I’ve been with since my ex.”

His eyes shift down to my belly again and his hands start to reach out, but then he stops, looking back up at me. “May I?”

I give him a small smile and nod. “Yeah.”

Benny drops to his knees in front of me, placing each of his large hands on either side of my belly, rubbing small circles into my skin. I take his hand and move it, placing it right over where I’d just felt movement. 

“He was just kicking over here.”

His eyes shoot up to mine. “A boy? I’m gonna have a son?”

Fuck how can his eyebrows do that? “Yeah. A son.”

And the tears start to fall, quietly streaking down his cheeks as he laughs, trying to dab at them with the hand I hadn’t just moved. “Hey, little man. It’s me. Your dad.” A hard kick lands right in Benny’s hand and he whoops, rubbing the spot with his thumb. “You got your old man’s feet!” He continues to talk to my belly in the middle of the hallway, not caring if anyone sees him. His face is animated and lit up, despite the dried blood caked under his nose and for a second, I can see an entire future laid out before us. A wedding, a house, dancing together, maybe more kids. The love. It’s only when I snap out of this fairytale vision that I realize I was smoothing back his hair. I yank my hands back and drop them to my sides.

“Shit I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

He glances up at me. “Nah it’s ok. Actually, it felt good.” He watches me for a moment before his expression hardens. “Ok I need to get off this floor.”

He waves away my offer of a helping hand, gesturing towards my belly as he groans, standing to his full height before stretching out his legs. “I’m gettin’ too old to be kneeling on hard ass floors.”

We’re quiet for several moments, each of us just watching the other. 

“Why did you leave without sayin’ anything?”

I take a deep breath. “Benny, I…I’m sorry. I thought about you after that night. A lot. My friend had told me to just make it a rebound, to get my ex out of my head. Which it did, but what I didn’t expect was..well..you. I liked, well…like you a lot. You make me laugh, have some amazing stories, you’re funny, and hot as hell. But you also make me feel seen and heard. Like I wasn’t just there for convenience, which is ironic considering how we met, I realize that. I thought about trying to find you but the hotel wouldn’t tell me anything and I didn’t have anything to go by. And then I found out I was pregnant and I feel so guilty for not t- telling y- you, but I di-didn’t know h-how. I’m so s-s-sorry!” I can’t fight the pregnancy hormones anymore and the tears come, streaming down my face as I try to turn away, looking down and wiping furiously at my face. But then he’s there, pulling me towards him as best he can, his hand cradling the back of my head. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I never did tell you my last name or ask for your number neither. I could’ve but I didn’t.” My crying slows and he pulls back just enough to look down at me, wiping away a tear. “And I’ve regretted it ever since. I haven’t stopped thinkin’ about you either, Rea. But I really had no way of finding you. But now that we’ve found each other again, can I have your number? I’d really like to take you to dinner.”

I let out a shaky chuckle. “It’s ok, Benny. You don’t have to do that.”

He cocks his head. “Do…what?”

“Take me to dinner. Listen, you can be as involved as you want. I won’t hold you to anything. I just wanted you to know. But you don’t have to-”

“No. I’m not asking you out because you’re pregnant. I’m asking you out because I’ve wanted to for months and regretted it every day that I didn’t.”

“Benny, really. It’s ok.”

“No, I- will you wait right here a moment?”

I nod and he places his hand on my belly once more, his son giving him another thump before he practically runs back through the double doors. Once they close, I walk over to the wall and lean my back against it, my emotions running through me. Is he telling the truth? Were we both just fucking idiots? That’s an obvious yes. But still, I don’t want him to feel like he owes me. It would be nice to hang with him again, though. No, Rea. Don’t make him feel forced. The double doors fly open and Benny comes running up to me, his wallet in his hand. 

“I don’t need money, Ben-”

He shakes his head. “No. Well I mean if you need it, I’ll gladly give it but that’s not…here.” He slides out a small slip of paper from behind his driver’s license and unfolds it, handing it to me. 

It’s the thank you note I scribbled to him and left in the hotel.

Tears well in my eyes again. “You..you kept this?” 

His eyes sparkle as they look at me. “Hell yeah I did. I told you, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you. But I had no way of findin’ you. I went to the bar every night hoping to see you walk in. But I never did.”

“I got too busy with work and then..” I gesture down to my belly and he laughs, placing a hand on my stomach again.

“Yeah I can’t blame you for not wanting to be in a bar. Especially your first trimester.”

My eyebrows raise. “What do you know about trimesters?”

“My sister was a hot fuckin’ mess during hers. Sick all the time, emotional, all of it. She felt bad about it too no matter how much we told her not to worry. My niece is 5 now and has the attitude to match.” He chuckles. “I can’t wait to meet this little guy..my little guy. Ours? Fuck this is hard to say.”

“Either way, I’m just glad you can say it.” I clutch the paper in my hand for a moment before handing it back to him. 

“So when’s that dinner?”

We’re married a year later. 

---------------------------------

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[coolmanjohnny]

SAW: (unrated) rant

Okay. I just watched the unrated version of Saw (2004) in theaters. So for some reason, they alter the ending for the unrated version of Saw. I have no idea why they chose to do this. I didn't see much discussion going over the details so I thought I'd go over it and why I think its inferior to the original cut. (Forgive me if I seem nitpick-y, I just love the original film so much haha. Totally fine if you like the unrated ver., I'm just sharing my thoughts here.)

To start, the unrated is advertised as a version with more gore/blood, which it does fine on that part. There are a few extra seconds of shots, for instance, the scene where Amanda is sifting through organs, some of the crime scene photos, and the wire trap maze is slightly longer. Here is a good article that goes over the Director's Cut with more details if you are interested. (I believe the Director's Cut is the same, if not very similar, to the unrated version? Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Also, I think the colors are also less blue? I can't confirm this though. I believe there may be a few other details changed as well, but they're not super relevant. Feel free to share any ones I'm missing just for fun though.

These extra shots are fine, thumbs up emoji. My problem starts and ends with the final moments of Saw (unrated). This is Tumblr. You all know the ending to Saw and are probably obsessed with it. It's incredibly impactful and angsty. Its one of my favorite ending sequences of all time. I still think about Adam being left to die alone often. RIP.

Now, lets go over what's changed in Saw (unrated)'s ending:

Some of the final lines are cut out. (Why???)

For some reason, they cut the line where Adam asks, "Am I gonna be okay?" and Larry turns back and says, "I wouldn't lie to you." Why would they do this? I don't know. I can only speculate. Maybe they thought that it contradicted with Lawrence's character, since he is in fact a liar/adulterer? Maybe they thought it was too "hopeful"? Homophobia? (joke)

I think that it's really a shame, because it makes Larry much more likable imo. This one moment is representative of his character development in the film. There are a lot of complex emotions tied with that one line. For once, Lawrence isn't lying to Adam. He truly does want to help. At the same time, you can tell that he feels uncertain. He doesn't know if he actually will be able to make it back in time (if even at all).

Notice how he responds to Adam's question in a roundabout way. He doesn't know if Adam will be okay.

In a way, Jigsaw's trap did work. Lawrence learned empathy. LMAO. It is also makes Adam so much more tragic, any last glimmers of hope he had left get ripped away as soon as he realizes that Jigsaw isn't who he thought it was. They are both fucked. (Ignore that Saw 3D exists for a second here, lol. I definitely think that the original implication here was that Larry is screwed. Either Kramer gets to him, or he bleeds out.)

Here is the original scene for reference:

2. The end credits are changed.

Saw ends with Adam's haunting screams bleeding into the end credits. There's about 20-30 seconds of silence/very subtle music. Then, it leads into the song "Bite The Hand that Bleeds" by Fear Factory. I just LOVE the angst.

Now, lets see what the unrated version is like. (I had to really dig to find this lol.) Obviously, there is no longer licensed music. It instead plays the "Saw theme". (I believe Hello Zepp/Overture is the official name of the song?)

It's...fine. (Once again, forgive me for nitpicking. I'm starting to think that I may be overreacting a bit, lol.)

I sort of understand why they would change the licensed music. It makes the first film feel more "connected" with the sequels; now they all have matching theme songs. (Another idea is that they simply didn't get the rights back to the original song for the re-release. I'd have to do more research on this.) However, it still makes me sad, lol. I just love how edgy and aggressively 2000s the original end credits feel. It matches the film's tone so well imo. The filmography of Saw reminds me a lot of early 2000s nu-metal music videos (unique colors, over-edited to hell, etc.).

I want to really emphasize the importance of film preservation in this post. Thankfully, the original theatrical cut of Saw is pretty easily accessible. (However, this isn't the case for all films. Star Wars is probably the most famous example.) I am just a little saddened that some first-time viewers will end up watching this version of the film without being aware of these changes. I love Saw so much you guys

[it-lives-within-the-dark]

I really do love SBCL and I really feel like when you read the manga it SO blatantly in your face…but when I read Yana’s old blog it seems like she’s so dead set against Sebastian and Ciel caring for each other at all…that it’s like does she even see what she writers or and I just delulu… or are antis just cherry picking what they translate 😭😭

Hey Nonny!

Short answer:

I'm not familiar enough with Yana's old blog to make any judgements on what her intentions/feelings are for her story and characters based on her posts (not to mention, it's old - people can change their minds).

Long answer:

I go back and forth when it comes to authorial intent and death of the author. I've literally been on both sides of the issue. As a fan, it's easy to say that what the author intended doesn't matter and that my interpretation of their work is 100% valid, even if it's the complete opposite of what the author intended. On the other hand, I've been in the author's shoes. I took a creative writing class in college where one of our assignments was to write a short story and then the class would discuss it. Simple, right? Easy. Except I wasn't allowed to speak the entire time my work was being discussed. I had to bite my tongue for forty minutes while my classmates completely butchered my story, listen to them miss the main theme completely, focus on a random detail that meant nothing, and walk away at the end of class not understanding anything I tried to convey in my work. I never got to explain what it actually meant; all the little clues and details that they missed - nothing. And it sucked. A lot. But at the end of the day there was nothing I could do about it.

All that to say, I think it's up to you to determine what holds more importance: what Yana says in her old posts (keeping in mind the context in which those remarks were made - what year did she make those comments, and where does that line up in the publishing of the manga? - are you taking into consideration that she is a public figure and that she might need to watch her words so that she doesn't jeopardize her job? etc.), or how you personally interpret the work.

I also think it's important to keep in mind that there can be (and is) a difference in what you, the fan, want to see happen, and what you want to actually happen in canon. There's a tumblr post floating around that discusses this topic but I don't have it handy.

Sorry this was all a bit rambly!

[mikaazune]

Hey guys, Ferris here. First things first, I'm back. My break wasn't as long as I thought it would be, but I think I'm doing a lot better. I think it did me some good to unplug for even just a little bit — not just from Tumblr, I pretty much went on a social media detox. Plus, I missed you guys.

There are a few things I'm going to be doing following me coming back. First is a new blog theme, which I think I'll keep for a while (I'll probably revamp the magician one on a later date). Love Hacker, he's a real one.

Second, as you probably noticed, I have new user too. I hope that doesn't confuse too many people. One change I'd like to make regarding that is the name that yall call me. I like Ferris, but I think I still subconsciously associate it with my old blog and then I begin comparing back then to now — something I'd rather not do mostly because of some of the issues I mentioned in my previous post. So I'll be going solely by Mika now, though I'll let yall known if anything changes in that regard.

Third, I mentioned this in my earlier post, but I'm taking a break from writing. For one, I'm not fond of my current writing style and I want to improve it. We'll see how that goes, I just want to experiment a little. I also want to reevaluate the fandoms and the characters I write for, and I'll probably spend some time rewatching/replaying so I can gain a better understanding of each character. But as I said, since I'm pausing writing, that second part will be a bit of a future me "problem" to deal with. My posted fics will still remain, don't worry.

Fourth, in terms of Faridian, that's still on pause as well. I'm slowly losing motivation due to lack of interest in the plot — I know, I wrote the thing, my bad there. I just didn't plan things out properly because I was excited to get it started, which was my mistake since I rushed it. I actually did like the later part of the plot, but it's the beginning and middle that are getting me. But on that note, do the participants like how it's going, or do you guys agree that I should change some stuff up? I acknowledge that everyone's in the beginning stage, though, so you guys don't really have the full perspective I do. Side note: just out of curiosity, would people be interested in me revamping Spirelands? Not any time soon so I can actually do the plot and not be a dumby, just gauging interest.

Anyways, with all that being said, I'm back. If I come up with anything else that needs saying, I'll mention it. If there are any questions, feel free to ask them. Thanks for the well wishes by the way; don't worry, I'll take better care of myself from now on.

@xryptik @lyle-my-beloved @xen-blank @edith-is-a-cat @tenjikyu @unprofessionalsimp @nervocat @nightmare-in-the-woods @floydsteeth @officialdaydreamer00 @cookiesandbiscuits @rainynightmoonlight @koihanwrites @casp1an-sea @vivisboutique @tako-cafe @creatorbiaze @l7k-a