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recurring-polynya · 3 years

Note

Hey this is for our Redhead's bday. Its like a fluff and angst with a happy ending. Is it possible to make a Renruki based on Hanahaki disease? Do you know about this fanfic trope? Its like a person who doesn't know or think their love is requited, will cough up petals. They can only be saved with a confession or accept that they cannot be together with their love interest. I don't want it to sound too morbid. Let me know if its possible.

Wikipedia description for better understanding:

Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease where the victim of unrequited or one-sided love begins to vomit or cough up the petals and flowers of a flowering plant growing in their lungs, which will eventually grow large enough to render breathing impossible if left untreated. There is no set time for how long this disease lasts but it may last from 2 weeks to 3 months, in rare cases up to 18 months, until the victim dies unless the feelings are returned or the plants are surgically removed. There is also no set flower that blossoms in the lungs but it may be the enamoured’s favourite flower or favourite colour. Hanahaki can be cured through surgical removal of the plants' roots, but this excision also has the effect of removing the patient's capacity for romantic love. It may also erase the patient’s feelings for and memories of the enamoured. It can also be cured by the reciprocation of the victim's feelings. These feelings cannot be feelings of friendship but must be feelings of genuine love. The victim may also develop Hanahaki Disease if they believe the love to be one-sided but once the enamoured returns the feelings, they will be cured. In some literature, other symptoms can be fever, uncontrollable shaking, loss of appetite, low body temperature, and hallucinations. Even after curing, with or without surgery, there can be irreversible damage to the lungs and, although very rare, in some cases the disease cannot be cured.

Ha ha ha, of course I have heard of Hanahaki disease, my brain is 100% rotted by fanfic.

I. hate. Hanahaki disease. It is probably my #1 most hated trope, up there with every single soulmate thing that treats love like some sort of inescapable destiny and strips the characters of any agency. To me, falling in love may be more or less involuntary, but the choice of whether or not to pursue it is the very crux of romance.

In any case, I was just going to... not do this one, except that I walked around mad for half a day and then wrote this up in, like, two hours. This sounds terrible, but this is actually an ideal day for a writer! I am really happy with how it came out! Thanks for the prompt!! I mean this with absolute sincerity!

Warning: Bad language, because Renruki aren’t any happier about any of this than I am.

Read on ao3 or ff.net

🌺 🌺 🌺

“How the fuck,” asked Rukia, “did you get that into my house?”

Sitting on Byakuya’s good tea table was a heavy green glass bottle of Rukongai’s worst rotgut. And two saucers.

Sitting cross legged and cross on the other side of the table was Abarai Renji.

“I told the captain it was necessary. Sit down.”

Usually, Rukia would take being ordered around like that as an invitation to call him names, but there was something angry and serious in Renji’s tone, so she sat instead, and let Renji pour each of them a saucer of something that smelled like lamp oil. Silently, they tossed back their drinks.

“You want to tell me what this is about?” Rukia asked as Renji refilled.

Without speaking, Renji pulled a carefully folded handkerchief out of his kosode and slid it across the table.

Rukia’s hands clenched into fists.

“Go ahead,” Renji said offhandedly, sipping his sake.

She didn’t want to. She knew what it would be. But she did it anyway, reached over and flipped open the handkerchief to reveal a handful of mangled, half-rotted flower petals. Hot rage ran through her veins. “Are you going through my trash now?” she demanded.

“No, I asked the captain to,” Renji replied coolly. “I assume he had someone do it for him, but he didn’t say.”

“Fuck you,” Rukia snapped.

Renji stared at her, his eyes cold and angry. “That night we camped in Hueco Mundo. Before we caught up with Ichigo and the others. You coughed up half a camellia and a good inch of stem in your sleep. I… figured we had more pressing concerns at the time, but I asked your brother to keep an eye on you after we got home.”

Rukia took a gulp of her drink. “Well, congratulations, Detective Abarai, you cracked the case. You’re so smart that I’m sure you know how these things end, so we don’t need to discuss it.”

Renji squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them again. “It doesn’t… it doesn’t have to be a death sentence, you know?”

“It’s complicated,” Rukia grumbled. “I’m not explaining it to you, but it’s not… solvable, and I can’t… I won’t give up. Not this time.”

“I didn’t mean that,” Renji continued, his voice quieter. “There are ways to… manage it. Live with it.”

Rukia’s brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s a disease of the soul, y’know, not the body, which is why humans don’t get it. With a strong enough will, you can keep it in check. The key, the thing that really lets it get ahold of your lungs, is when you start to lose hope.”

“You want me to live in denial, then?”

“No, not quite. But there’s some… techniques. We live a really long time, Rukia. Things may seem one way now, but… but who’s to say how they’ll be in sixty or seventy years, right? I mean, it’s not easy, but if you can imagine sort of… jarring up your feelings and packing them away for later.”

“Like pickles.”

“Yeah, like pickles.”

Rukia finished her saucer and reached for the bottle.

“Another thing that works sometimes is to try to…” Renji gestured helplessly. “Reframe it. I’m sure you’ve read poems about courtly love.”

Rukia made a face. “I fail to see how reading old-timey thirst poetry about wasting away from wanting to sleep with someone else’s wife is going to help anything.”

Renji’s face took on a pained cast. “Yeah, I guess some of them are like that. But being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back doesn’t mean your life is...meaningless. There can be something really beautiful and noble and sorta romantic in and of itself about loving with no hope of reciprocation. That you can still be of… of service to a person, even if they never notice you.”

“Renji, that’s fucking nonsense,” Rukia informed him, topping up his drink as well. “Where do you get these ideas?”

“Or you can just really absorb yourself in some goal. Be so busy you don’t have time to worry about love. Time passes quickly when--”

“Renji, just stop. I know you’re trying to help, but I’m… I’m sick and no amount of made-up wishful thinking is going to make me better.”

Renji’s face rapidly cycled through a number of emotions, like he kept coming up with things to say and then biting his tongue instead. “It’s not fucking made up, okay? People have lived with it for years, you know. Decades. Fuck, Rukia do you know selfish this is?”

“‘Selfish’?” Rukia echoed incredulously. The alcohol was starting to hit, and it made her feel unmoored, a raft floating in a sea of her own grief and anger. What did he know anyway? He was married to his job and his duty. The truest companion, the most generous soul, so free with his heart to everyone he called friend, but he didn’t know jack shit about being in love. Renji was the most transparent person in Soul Society. If he had ever fallen in love, it would have been public knowledge. Maybe his heart didn’t even work that way. What the Hell did he know?

“Yeah,” Renji spat back. “Selfish and cruel. How can you love someone-- even if they don’t love you back-- and-- and-- let yourself die from it? What kind of a monster would do that? You can hold on, Rukia. You’re so strong, I know you can. Just… just listen to me, for once. I can help you.”

Rukia felt her eyes burning, so she grabbed the bottle and took a long drink from it until her whole face burned. “Fuck. Off,” she replied, slamming it down on the table.

“I won’t,” Renji growled. “Ichigo cares a lot for you and it would kill him, Rukia, you hear me? You can’t do this to him, or-- or the rest of us, either.”

Rukia stared at Renji uncomprehendingly. The room was starting to swim. “What the fuck does any of this have to do with Ichigo?” She suddenly felt very tired, so she folded her arms and put her head down on them. “You fucking dumbass.”

#renji's birthday 2k21 #my writing #why isn't there a camellia emoji?? i used hibiscuses because they kinda look like camellias but imagine they are camellias #i think the primary driver behind me writing this was just an excuse to get back on my camellia bullshit

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himbowelsh · 4 years

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Would you be willing at all to do a similar thing to the BoB boys falling in love for the Pacific boys? Or if that’s too much maybe just Leckies crew? Please and thank you if you do! ✨✌🏻🥳🦖🍰🎉🤸🏼‍♀️🍺🍆🦷🦞🌈🗿

of course!! i love all of these boys, so getting to write any headcanons for them is a treat and privilege (and how could i say no to all those emojis?)

Robert Leckie

more confident than he has any right to be.

umm, excuse you sir, the wedding ring isn’t on their finger yet, hold your goddamn horse

bob is vocal about his affection. actually, he’s kind of a loudmouth about it; when he’s in love, all his friends get to hear about it. his diary gets to hear about it. his dog gets to hear about it, and he’s pretty sure hoosier jr couldn’t care less. if someone’s willing to listen, bob’s gonna wax poetic.

the louder he proclaims his love, the more real it feels to him... concrete, like the next torrential rainstorm or wicked nightmare isn’t going to wash it away. bob’s confidence isn’t a front --- he’s really just like that --- but there’s more underneath than meets the eye.

he likes to dedicate his writing to them. while he eventually grows out of the love poems phase (the smartest choice of his literary career) his love interest remains his muse. he’ll bounce his ideas off of them, seek out their opinions on the things he’s written... yes, he’s hungry for their attention, but knowing that they’ll be reading gives him the motivation to write better.

he’ll rarely admit his feelings outright, always dancing around it in smirks and sly double-entendres. is he talking about how great the filet mignon at this restaurant is, or that he wants to get married soon? knowing him, both, and that’s exactly what he wants to leave them wondering.

Runner Conley

runner in love is very earnest. he doesn’t feel the need to brag --- sure, his friends can tell just by looking at him, but how he feels for the person he cares about is their business alone.

still, he can’t help talking about them. they’re on his mind so much that he’ll just bring them up out of the blue --- his crush said this, his crush thinks that, this reminds him of the time he and his crush did blah-blah-blah... he completely gives himself away. his friends will take the piss out of him, but runner legit doesn’t even notice he’s doing it; he can’t stop.

he is right there with the favors. they need a ride somewhere? they need something picked up at the store? just tell him, and he’ll do it, no questions asked. he gets things done in record time. (meanwhile, leckie asked to borrow his can opener two weeks ago, and runner still hasn’t gotten around to it. the preference is clear.)

loves to just spend time with them. he’ll ask to hang out all the time, inventing excuses just to spend time together. being in their space, enjoying their presence, is the best part about being in love for him.

Hoosier Smith

hoosier’s love is measured in tolerance. if he’s willing to spend time around somebody, he likes 'em. if he’ll spend the whole day with 'em, he’s head-over-heels.

lowkey, no one would be able to tell hoosier’s falling in love. he plays his emotions close to his chest, and doesn’t analyze them too much. yeah, he’s caught feelings, but no sense making a big deal out of it. they’ll probably go away on their own.

except they don’t, and the more they grow, the easier hoosier finds it is to be around them. he’s not taxed by their presence, and hardly ever annoyed with them; it’s easy to banter with them, and when they laugh at his quips he feels all warm inside. it’s weird. he’s not sure he likes it. but damn him if he wants it to end.

the day he finds himself eager to hang out with them... he knows he’s done for.

hoosier is much more relaxed around the person he loves. all his blunt edges have softened; he’s a little gentler with them, a little fonder. he’s not loud about it at all, but as soon as his partner picks up on it, his love becomes obvious.

Chuckler Juergens

he has absolutely no filter, and there is no way he can hold these emotions in. when chuckler is in love, it’s like a golden retriever with a crush.

everything they do is amazing in his eyes. he has to actively work to recognize their flaws; for a while, he definitely wears rose-tinted glasses when it comes to his love interest. he just loves so sincerely, with his whole body, that holding it in threatens to overwhelm him.

that said, he doesn’t rush into love. it builds up slowly in him. he can’t really say he loves someone until he’s known them for a while. by then, they’re pretty comfortable around each other, and on a level of intimacy that he doesn’t feel shy admitting it when he’s certain. (he also wouldn’t have luck hiding it if he tried; to all his friends, chuckler’s pretty transparent.)

he laughs at all their jokes, and would go miles out of his way for them if they just asked for it. his smile is always broader around them, painfully genuine. chuckler’s a social guy, so he loves being out in crowds, but around the person he loves he loves it when it’s just the two of them.

he needs his partner to say “i love you” first, but he’ll say everything but. “you look amazing today,”; “no one dance like as you,”; “i could spend every night like this with you”. he’s confessed his feelings a dozen times over before the word “love” ever passes between them.

Sid Phillips

sid genuinely enjoys falling in love. it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience, right? (for most people --- his aunt janine has fallen in love four times and counting, but if she were the gold standard for romance, she’d still be invited to the phillips family christmases.)

he kind of becomes... not oblivious to everything else, but his mind is very clearly in another place. he’s not as sensitive to his other friends’ feelings; he drops plans without much notice because he’d rather be with the person he loves. sid falling in love becomes self-absorbed without realizing it, and would have to be snapped out of it by a well intentioned (very annoyed) friend.

with his partner, however, he’s tender. sid is a very good listener, empathetic and kind; he’s open about his feelings from the start, valuing communication in a relationship, and nothing makes him grin harder than hearing his partner feels the same way.

sid is a gentleman --- he’s eager to help them out with anything they need. he’s very conscientious of his partner’s feelings, careful not to overstep boundaries. he wouldn’t do anything, even kiss, unless his partner gave him plenty of encouragement.

Eugene Sledge

eugene does not all in love easily. it takes him a long time to ease into it. he doesn’t tumble head-over-heels, so much as cautiously inch down the mountain, taking frequent breaks to have a snack and psyche himself up.

somehow, he’s quieter around the person he loves. it’s noticeable because he wasn’t always like this. eugene as a friend is quite different to eugene as a lover, more tentative and tender in all the ways that count. he gets... not shy, really, but more reserved around them. he doesn’t want to let his feelings show, so the casual banter and easy dynamic they used to have grows stiff and uncomfortable. he’ll jump through hoops to avoid hanging out alone with them.

why is he doing this? god help him, even he’s not sure.

if anyone confronts him about it, he’ll get mad. of course he’s not treating them any differently! this is how he’s always been, he’s fine --- but just as quickly as he flares up for his own sake, he’ll get even more riled over any slight to his loved one. being in love awakes a defensiveness eugene never realized he had. suddenly, he’d do anything for his partner’s sake.

it takes a while for eugene to come to terms with his feelings, and trust himself enough to love. hopefully his partner’s patient --- and straightforward about their feelings, because eugene’s probably going to need a push.

Snafu Shelton

his crush starts finding weird gifts hidden around their house, and no, they have no clue how they got there.

merriell’s not a romantic, okay? he doesn’t know how all that wooing-and-courting works, but he gets the general idea. nothing romantic about coming up to someone and saying outright ‘your hair looks like it’d be cozy to wear as a sweater, when you smile i want to touch your teeth, this feels like love’. like. it’s all true, but that doesn’t mean he can say it.

frankly, he’s still cursing himself for falling in love in the first place, because merriell did not sign up for all this mushy-gushy feeling stuff.

some people just... aren’t meant to fall in love, and he’s one of them. not love that feels like this, that feels... so real. it scares him. he doesn’t know what to do about it.

he’s a weak man, though. it’s not like he can just stay away. merriell can’t help but want to be around them constantly, looking over their shoulder and watching out for them; he’s fascinated by them, and it only grows more obvious as the feelings continue to swell in his chest.

so, he sneaks tiny gifts --- things he finds or things he likes, things that make him think of them --- in their stuff, and watches raptly when they find it. no, he’s not gonna confess to leaving them there. it’s just... nice to watch.

he stares at them for a long time --- not unusual for him, to be fair --- but when they look up, he looks away immediately. very out of character, and honestly more unnerving than if he just kept staring.

able to carry on like normal, unless the topic of romance is brought up at all. then he gets ornery and annoyed, especially if his love interest talks about any past romantic relationships. he’s possessive in love, especially because he’s not sure where he stands in the other person’s affections. merriell hates the idea of them with anyone else, but can’t really believe they’d want to be with him.

RV Burgin

well, next to the hot messes that are sledge and snafu, burgie’s a disney prince.

literally, he goes so far out of his way to not make the person he loves uncomfortable. he’s a gentleman to his core. the idea of caring for someone who doesn’t feel the same way stings --- but even worse is the idea that he could be forcing affection on someone who doesn’t want it.

because of this, he might keep it all a bit too much to himself. he won’t come out and say it, and will be notably more hesitant around them. no casual touches --- if he accidentally does, he’ll draw back like he’s been burned. if his friends (re: snafu and leyden) say anything perverted around them, he’ll quickly steer the conversation away.

still, it would be impossible to think he isn’t interested. sometimes he can’t help staring at his love interest, eyes warm in admiration... and when they catch him, he holds their gaze for a moment, the ghost of a smile flickering across his face, before looking away.

oh yeah, he’s a goner.

when he does let his feelings slip out, it’s always quick and sincere. “you’re the strongest person i know,” he says once, while trying to encourage them in his typical burgie way; “i admire you very much.” he gives compliments without meaning to, or even realizing how he’s selling himself out. he’s just so besotted that he can’t help it.

Jay De L'Eau

he gets nervous, he gets clumsy, and he gets giggly. this is a horrible combination.

he once knocked over an entire candle, set a curtain on fire, and was desperately trying to laugh it off while stomping the flames out... all because he crush complimented him.

jay wants to look cool in front of his love interest, but he’s decidedly not. poor boy hasn’t got a chance. there isn’t a suave bone in his body, and no one knows this as well as jay.

so, he becomes earnest instead. he’s always on hand to do favors for them, always willing to help out whenever he needs it --- jay could be corralled into doing couple’s yoga with little resistance, just because his love interest wants to.

this extreme generosity can get exhausting after a while --- he really has to figure out how to rein it in --- but if it shows how much he appreciates them? and if it means he gets to spend extra time with them? yeah, jay doesn’t regret a thing.

Bill Leyden

he’s being??? nice?? leyden’s being nice??

his friends check him for a fever. they worry he’s been lobotomized. clearly he’s been abducted by aliens and replaced with a pod person!

leyden is a prickly bastard in general... but when he’s falling in love, the entire world is puppydogs and rainbows, and he’ll sing showtunes to the heavens.

he’s just so much happier when he’s falling in love. it’s hard not to spread that happiness around. he has way more patience for his friends’ bullshit, and is eager to listen to their problems and offer his (still very leyden-esque) advice.

god forbid when his love interest’s actually present. leyden doesn’t have eyes for anyone else; it’s all about them, and he’s a goddamn prince to them. peeling fruit for them, laughing at all their jokes, making cow-eyes... he turns into the person he’d be disgusted by in any other circumstance.

Andrew Haldane

it’s all about the emotional intimacy, boys.

andy could never truly fall in love with someone until he already knows them very well; he has to be comfortable with them, to have an easy rapport. understanding each other is the first step to winning his heart.

he definitely gets a sparkle around them, though. he just looks brighter, younger, less burdened by his many responsibilities. maybe it’s because he knows he can share them with his partner... but andy feels so much lighter when he’s with them.

he’s very generous with his praise. when they do something well, he lets them know it; the last thing he’d want is for them not to understand how much he appreciates them, how valuable they are to him, how glad he is to have them close...

absolutely overthinks it. he’ll turn his feelings over and over in his head for ages, trying to process them before admitting anything out loud? is this real? is this plausible? are they both in the right place in life to be in love? do they really love him back? he’s not an indecisive man, but he puts so much thought into this that eventually, a friend like hillbilly would need to shake him a bit, and tell him to just go for it.

Hillbilly Jones

he’s not going to say it outright. he’d rather eat a live squid than do something that dumb. when hillbilly feels himself falling for someone, he grips a railing all the way down.

anything they need, he’s there to do. his affection reveals itself through how quick he is to help the person he likes. loyalty drives his urge to make their life easier. if they need some repairs done around the house, or some errands taken care of, he’ll offer to do them without a second thought. “not a problem,” he replies with a tiny smile when they worry he’s going to too much trouble. after all, he wouldn’t do it for just anyone.

master of wordless communication. his love interest doesn’t need to hear things outright from him, because they become well-acquainted with all of hillbilly’s various (extremely sarcastic) faces. he loves this easy communication.

he’ll talk them up to anyone who needs to hear it. hillbilly does not take kindly to his partner being disparaged, under any circumstances. it’s not overprotectiveness, he’ll insist to himself --- the protection is completely warranted, and he’s not ashamed to punch someone if his partner’s good name is on the line.

John Basilone

he gets all the points for persistence.

john’s greatest virtue is his determination. no matter what the world throws at him, or how many ways it tries to kill him, he’s going to keep going until he physically cannot anymore.

and... not gonna lie, there are moments when he sees his love interest smile, and it feels like he’s been shot through the chest. he’s got to stop, just to catch his breath, because they sweep the ground out from under his feet.

the first time it happens, he knows he’s in love. yeah, he knew he liked them already, but... like and love are different things. he likes his mama’s panna cotta, but he’s not going to marry it.

when john’s falling for someone, it’s important to him that they know it. no beating around the bush for him; if they don’t feel the same way, they can respond however they like, but they’ve at least got to know.

he misses no opportunity to make his admiration clear. if they do something impressive, he’s the loudest voice on the sidelines cheering them on; if it’s their birthday or a holiday, he hands his gift to them personally, with that irrepressible charming grin.

john is very confident in love, but he’s also very optimistic. it’s not that he’s never been rejected before, or can’t take it... he just genuinely doesn’t believe his heart can break.

#sledgefu: battle of 'i dont know how to be in love' vs 'i dont know if im SUPPOSED to love'#the pacific #headcanons

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pandawritesmanythings · 5 years

Note

50! Please with Loki! 🥰

Thank you for the request! Had a lot of fun doing it 😊 I haven't written a one shot in centuries, so I hope this is good 😅😅😅

♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡

La Vie En Rose

Warnings: None! Just Fluff!

Word Count: 1573

---

Loki wasn't fast on falling for anyone. He could even claim to not have been involved with no one romantically, and the Avengers would have believed that. They thought he was too menacing and cold for him to feel like that.

Heck, even Thor wasn't sure if Loki had ever been in a serious relationship!

Loki was certain about many things, but he didn't know what this feeling was. It happened slowly, that's for sure. So slowly that when he was in deep, he had no idea how to get out.

Your smile was intoxicating. Your eyes sparkled with promises of love and a life that he could have never dreamed of for himself. Yet you were so far out of his reach. There was no way in Hel that you would even look at a monster like him.

"Loki?"

He looked up from the book he was reading. In reality, he had been reading the same line for who knows how long, but he wasn't going to admit that.

"Yes? What is it?" He asked, tinting his voice with fake annoyance.

You had learned to ignore when he was being rude. So you just smiled and sat on the armrest next to him. "Is that page really that interesting, or did you forget how to turn the page?"

So you did notice. Loki cursed himself for being such a fool. He wasn't supposed to get a happy ending, he didn't deserve it. But with you joking and smiling at him so genuinely, he allowed himself a second to imagine it.

"Don't you have anywhere else to be? Your dear Avengers must miss your company." He asked, pleading silently that you would just leave him alone so his thoughts about you could settle.

"Nope! I'm done for the day, which means I get to bother you from now on!"

"Well, isn't it just my luck?"

You laughed, "I know, right?" And then jumped off the armrest.

"I'm gonna make something, you like anything in particular?"

"One black coffee."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Alright, Chip Mulaney." You muttered under your breath.

Loki went back to his book, what was it about? He had gotten so distracted with how near you were that he forgot the argument that the book was making.

He tried to focus again on his reading. But hearing the clanks and bangs coming from the kitchen didn't really help him focus.

"Sorry if I'm being loud! Baking isn't exactly a quiet activity!" You apologized when the noise settled.

"It's alright..." He said loud enough for you to hear.

"You sure? You can come back when the coffee is ready, that way you can keep reading your book."

Loki snapped his book closed, it was not like he was going to finish it today. He'd try tomorrow or once his thoughts had stopped racing.

"Don't worry. I haven't been making much progress anyway." He sighed and walked towards you to see what you were doing.

"Well, that much was obvious." You said while placing flour in a measuring cup. "Could you get the dark chocolate and cocoa out of the cabinet next to the fridge, please?"

Loki looked around, slightly confused. Why were you asking for his help? Nonetheless, he headed where you told him and grabbed the chocolate and the powder for you.

Time seemed to slip as you asked him to help you with whatever you needed and he silently assisted you.

"Thanks, Lokes. This is ready to go in the oven!" You said skipping towards the preheated oven.

The nickname caught him by surprise. Nobody had dared to call him anything like that. You were the closest thing he had to friend, yet you had never done that before. It left his mind rushing and reeling.

You snapped the door closed and turned to look at him. His face a facade that you had so desperately been trying to break through.

Walking up to him you smiled and reached to find him a coffee mug with a message on it that said: "The Okayest Friend"

He gazed at the cup as if you had given him some great gift. His eyes slightly wide and brows furrowed in confusion. You expected him to try it, but he set it on the counter and softly grabbed your wrist, lifting it to his lips to kiss it.

This surprised you, but his expression made your heart melt. He was being so tender to you, for some reason.

"Would you come with me?"

"Loki, I have a cake in the oven..." You smirked.

"I can take care of that." He promised.

You took a second to think about it, but almost immediately said: "Okay then. What is it?"

Loki tugged you outside to the balcony of the main living quarters. A beautiful view of New York City expanded below both of you. The city seemed to sparkle brighter than the stars in the sky.

"Stay still." He asked you.

"Okay..."

With a hand in front of him, he started to create magic. Something he knew you loved to see him do.

You gasped at the green sparks that floated from his fingers. Like small flames that licked at them and raised into the sky. They started growing and to surround both of you, however, no matter how much you wanted to turn around and marvel at them like a six-year-old, you stood still since he had asked you to.

When the flames stood still, the had created a greenish barrier around both of you.

"Loki, what are-?" He interrupted you with a finger to his lips.

Then, as if the world could disappear, you found yourself among the galaxies. Loki had cast an illusion of space for you.

"You can move now." He said, finally allowing you to move.

Now you really looked like a child. You were spinning around. Taking in the thousands and thousands of galaxies and stars that surrounded you.

"Loki! I-it's... Wow!" Your eyes were sparkling in excitement, your breathless laugh music to him. He loved to see you happy and excited.

"I wanted to ask you to dance. But I didn't want to do it in the dirty kitchen." He smirked.

You turned to look at him in disbelief. All this trouble to ask you to dance?

"Oh, Loki. Next time, just ask me. I love dancing you know that." You took your phone out of your pocket. "I'm just gonna play something for us."

You picked a random song from an old school playlist. And wrapping your arms over Loki's neck and with his hands on your waist, you both started swaying to the soft instrumental that played from your phone.

Loki had realized something. It was something that scared him because he didn't deserve you. You were worth so much and he wasn't going to let you settle for him. He would give you the moon, the stars and the universe if you asked for it.

Your laugh, your silly comments, your awkward moments. You smile that turned him into a senseless fool. Everything about you made you perfect in his eyes. He couldn't ask for someone better to share himself with.

And yet, he knew you deserved better. He just wanted to have this moment with you, this moment where it was just the two of you, no one else mattered. Not the Avengers, not Odin, not Laufey, not Thanos. Just the two of you swaying to the singing man on your phone.

You started playing with Loki's hair, he had never realized how much he loved when you did that. He held you closer if that was possible. Your faces so close to each other that you could feel each other's breaths.

Feeling comfortable, you rested your head in his chest and... That was it. Loki knew he had fallen, and fallen hard. It would be hard to admit. But with you, it felt as if nothing mattered. Life was a beautiful poem by your side. A painting an artist had poured the utmost devotion and care.

By your side, things looked better.

Holding you tighter, you both reveled on each other until you tapped him in the shoulder.

"Loki? What is it?"

He couldn't bear it anymore. He had to say something, your eyes were pleading him to say anything. And how could he say anything but no to the one he wished for her to be his queen?

"I-I don't understand what you are doing to me, darling." He said while grazing your cheek with his hand. "Never in my life had I ever found someone like you... I-I... I don't-"

You cupped his jaw with your hand, softly. "I love you Loki. Prince of Asgard." You admitted, so he wouldn't have to. "King of Jotunheim. My love and king."

He knew you were aware of his heritage, but hearing you talk so openly and so sincerely about it, made him fall even further. How had he stumbled onto you?

So he did the only thing he could think of at the moment. He softly caresses your cheek and guiding you to him your lips sealed in a kiss. You hummed in the kiss, a blissful sigh leaving your lips.

He moved to kiss the corner of your mouth and pepper some more kisses in your lips and jaw.

"(Y/N)?"

"Mhmm?" You asked in bliss.

"The cake is ready."

》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》♡》

Hope you liked it darling! Have a great day/afternoon/night!

#have a little loki here #omg that jaw...#loki x reader #loki fluff #loki (marvel)#loki fanfic #loki odinson #loki #loki x you #loki of asgard #asks open #ask #ask me stuff #answered asks #parents love playlist prompts

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #327

starting to run outta steam... haha.

What design is on your shower curtain? It doesn't have one. Did you get in trouble for cussing on accident when you were a kid? Ha ha yeah, for yelling "HOLY SHIT!" once, lmao. Ever made a snow angel? Yeah. Do you laugh at racial jokes? Absolutley not. What’s the highest you can count in a different language? 999, in German. How’s your flirting skills? I wouldn't know, ask those I've flirted with. Have you ever cried over a breakup? For a whole year and then some. I still have episodes. What does your dream life look like? Living isolated in the woods by a river and waterfall with a fantastic spouse, me being a very successful photographer and at least somewhat above *just* financially "stable," maybe having at least one poem published, lots of pets (mostly snakes), plenty of travel opportunities (mostly for photography), being free of my social anxiety and actually being reasonably confident, back in great physical shape... I'm really daydreaming now. What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? bleh Where did you meet your current or last significant other? YouTube, back when it was a much more social platform. Do you enjoy wine? No, it's way too bitter. What did you last ask your parents permission for? I asked Mom if I could snack on some chocolate chips she was saving for fudge (since Christmastime...). She was fine with it. Periods are fun. Do you get annoyed when you hear babies crying? I shouldn't, but I do. Me and babies just don't mix. Why were you in a waiting room the last time? I was at a doctor's appointment. What’s your lawyer’s name? I don’t have one. Do you own a lot of scarves? I don't think I own any... Would you ever get a face tattoo? I doubt it, but maybe something very small and subtle. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? Nature. The woods. Would you rather have a house exterior made from wood, brick, or stucco? Aesthetically, wood, but I don't support the continuation of wood housing in a society where we have many other options that don't harm the environment as much. So, realistically, brick. What is your favorite breakfast? Cinnamon rolls. Do you own a diamond ring? No. Have you ever stripped? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? IT with Girt. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. Yes or no: foreplay? Lmao who the fuck does it w/o foreplay first. Would you ever record you having sex? No fucking way. Something nobody’d ever guess about you? I used to be in great shape. Would you like to be a journalist? I actually wouldn't mind it. It was almost my minor the last time I was in college, actually, but the required courses were a no-no for me. Last year for school, we had an assignment where we had to choose a popular song to write a story based on. What song would you’ve picked? I don't know popular songs, so I'm picking any song. Off the top of my head, given my love for dark and morbid shit, maybe "Voyeur" by Otep. That song is messed up as fuck. No, it's actually not about sex, 'cuz I ain't interested in writing about that. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did. Do you have a long driveway? No, it's actually very short. Have you ever begged someone to stay with you? Oh yes. Are you friends with anyone missing one of their five senses? Not to my knowledge. Are you good at Pac Man? I'm no better than anyone else. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it? No. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No. Do you prefer tampons or pads? Tampons. Pads are mega uncomf. How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty? I don't know, actually. What stereotype do you fit the most? Geek, maybe? Emo? Idk. If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship? I don't worship anything. What’s your favorite pain reliever? Advil. Do you have a lot of people blocked on Facebook? Not a lot, no. Does your father have facial hair? Yes. Have you ever had a hamster? Yeah, we went through a few. All of 'em were evil. Grape or strawberry jelly? Absolutely grape. What language would you most like to know fluently? German. Do you remember the last song you slow danced to? "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. Do you plan on having alcohol at your wedding? I don't know. Do you have an idea of who you might kiss next? I know who I WANT to kiss next, but that doesn't mean it'll happen. I hate psychic questions. Who’s the most controlling person you know? She's not in my life anymore. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A centipede, to name one. I've gotten more into the idea of owning invertebrates, and centipedes are in that hobby, but they creep me the fuck out. They're cool to watch, but I don't want one in my house. Do you have a picture of you throwing up the peace sign? Yeah, it's actually one of my favorite pictures of me without makeup. Has a very "me" vibe. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Ha, yeah. Can you tell the difference between a Scottish and an Irish accent? Nope. Can you read music? Probably not anymore. Ever sang someone to sleep? No. What is the movie that you have waited the longest for/which film do you remember anticipating the most/are still anticipating? Finding Dory takes the cake. What is something that an interested guy/girl could comment about you, that would make you instantly open to them (e.g., “That book you’re reading is from my favorite author”)? If you compliment my Markiplier tattoo because you get it, we are immediately family. Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. I use it essentially everywhere. Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? HA, way more than once. Hyperfixation is a friend of mine. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? C U T E ! ! ! What are your thoughts on mini-skirts or mini-dresses? ALSO C U T E ! ! ! Have you ever died in one of your dreams? Yes. What appliance in your kitchen do you use the most often? The microwave. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends? Sara, yes. And Sam once in a blue moon if we're playing WoW together. Are you allergic to any animals? No. Have you ever had to go to the police department? No. Have you ever been called bipolar? Well yes, because I am. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person? Hell no, and fuck you if you ever have. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it? No. Have you ever had food poisoning? I don't think so, no. Favorite emoticon? Probably c: Do any emoticons annoy you? No, but an excessive amount of them I find disruptive to whatever I'm reading. Do you think there will be a WWIII? Yup, someday. Has anyone ever asked you if you were emo? Yeah, back in high school. The most interesting thing that’s ever happened to you at a grocery store? I dunno. Probably running into someone unexpected. Do you have any good book ideas? Having written RP since I was 10 years old... I could by now write a dozen dictionary-sized novels encompassing what I think are the greatest storylines. I genuinely do believe there's some fantastic stuff we've got, but there's just too many horribly dark and twisted parts in the evil mobs that I am not comfortable publishing. Are you gonna see Cars 2? Well, this is old. I never even saw the first one. In all honesty, can a person be too nice? Yep. *points at Weed from GDW* Have you ever posted a video onto YouTube? Yeah, mostly "meerkat music videos," I guess you could say. Some tributes to certain MM characters, others just music with meerkat clips. How often do you compliment other people? I try to any time I have a sincere one. I am very much for complimenting people openly and often. The Legend of Zelda series: Twilight Princess or Ocarina of Time? I'm not a fan of the franchise, honestly. Never got the hype. Do you even game at all? Most certainly, but not nearly as much as I used to... You can only replay old games but so many times before you just can't anymore. And the "newest" console I have is the original Wii, so... I definitely don't have the modern equipment. Would you give Zumba dance lessons a try if presented the opportunity? Probably not. Definitely not while my legs are in such bad shape; the dancing is pretty intense and would seriously hurt. I could easily imagine myself fainting. Do you own a rosary? No, but I did in my Catholic-raised childhood. Do you like Adult Swim? No. Sorry excuses for humor everywhere. What’s the first thing you do when you get on the computer? Do a quick check on KM just to ensure everything's in order. What’s one thing that you just wish you could do all of your life? Not have to pay bills, haha. If someone asks for your honest opinion, do you give it? Yes, if they emphasize they really want honesty. When was the last time you felt uninformed or out of the loop? Apparently some politician (I think) died recently and people practically rejoiced on Facebook. I knew zip about him. When in a car, where do you like to sit? Passenger seat/shotgun. Have you ever fought with a good friend over something completely stupid? Oh, absolutely. There have been plenty of RP-related arguments with multiple people... In the big picture, it's laughable to fight over a game, but when you're so invested in your own creations, in the moment, it can seem like a big issue. Those drama days are long behind me now. Would you ever visit a third-world country? I don't think so, no. It would shatter my heart, especially seeing children in poverty. Are you the type that’s too ashamed to ask for or use directions? No. You overhear two people gossiping about you; what do you do? Probably call over something like, "I'm not deaf, you know." I highly doubt I'd sit there with my mouth shut. Have you ever felt manipulated? Yes. If you were homeless, how would you cope? If I was truly, entirely homeless, quite honestly, I'm almost positive I'd kill myself. Have you ever done something just to fit in? Yeah. When was the last time you tried to impress someone, for whatever reason? I'm not sure, but I've certainly done it at one point or another. Do you think that the world could function in a state of anarchy? Definitely not. How well do you know your U.S. [or your country’s] history? I mean, I know the bare bones of it, but I'm far from well-versed in history. It was one of my weak subjects in school. Would you ever wish to move to another country? I'm not kidding when I say if it weren't for family, I would probably move to Canada. What is something that you do that others might consider “nerdy”? The way I write, particularly for academic purposes. I'm very descriptive and have an exceptionally large vocabulary. Have you ever had anything expensive stolen from you? Not from me specifically, but our basketball hoop was stolen from my childhood home. I doubt it was very cheap. Do you understand/notice when someone’s using sarcasm? Usually, anyway. When was the last time you were fooled? HAHA there was this drama video suggested to me on YouTube that involved Mark in the title, and I was mega confused and inevitably clicked. Now it's basically a YouTube meme just how "perfect" Mark is, so there was no real drama; apparently some newer fans are just upset at him for playing the sequel to HuniePop, a very sexual puzzle/dating game that's honestly entertaining and can be really funny. Like... he's played the original and despite the discomfort of some scenes (which are censored, mind you), he still had fun, and it was a big hit on his channel. So him playing the sequel isn't surprising, but apparently some people got shit to say. What first Impression do you hope you make with other people? Something along the lines of "wow, she's very nice." Have you ever thought about how you make other people feel/think? Well of course. I think everyone should take time to consider this. What is your stance on getting revenge? A petty waste of time. Any wise/truthful/witty quotes that you live by? Ha, another Mark answer. He once gave the casual innuendo of, "Life's hard; shouldn't you be, too?" (this might have actually been in a HuniePop video!), but when you take the... uh... sexual theme out of it, it's a good way to look at life???? Have tough skin, unmoving willpower, y'know, that stuff. Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant? My sister Ashley. Spongebob or Patrick? Patrick is a whole-ass mood. Would you rather watch little kid’s cartoons, older kid’s cartoons, or adult cartoons? Hm. Probably little kid's, given my love for Pokemon. How about watching regular cartoons or anime? Anime. Who is the last person you spent money on? Myself. Do you own a copy of Roller Coaster Tycoon? No; I had SeaWold Tycoon instead. I loved that game. Do you have any birth marks in embarrassing places? No. Have you used Limewire before? Of course. Free music for the low price of a catastrophic virus. :^) When was the last time you required a band-aid? I think when I cut one of my toenails way too short. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them so, so very much. Not saying I'm gonna go scoop up the first copperhead I find herping or something, but I love and respect them so very much. They are such fascinating animals. If you believe in reincarnation, what animal would you want to become? I don't think I believe in reincarnation, but hypothetically, maybe a lioness. Who do you tell everything to? Pretty much whoever reads these surveys, haha. Did you have candles on your birthday cake? Not my most recent one. Exactly, how old are you? I just turned 25 years and one month old. Have you ever been bitten by anything? Besides bugs, I don't think so. I've had cats and dogs playfight with me, but none have ever seriously bitten me with actual effort. Do you wear hats? No. What was the last song you sang along to? "Lunchbox" by Marilyn Manson. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I'd like to be, but idk if it's realistic.

#survey #surveys #questions

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evanescentdaydream · 7 years

Text

I want to go adventuring. Feel the wind brush through my hair. Breathe the sharp cold mountain air mixed with the smell of a tent and a worn sleeping bag. A cup of warm tea to stir my senses as I look out into a vast landscape. Feel the spray of the ocean as I ride an old pirate ship with a crew at my sides. Hear old folk bands play at different taverns on different shores. Dance with a smile that fills my chest, resounds through the caverns that life made hollow. I want to explore the oceans and find new species and discover more of this breathtaking world. I want to see the sunset, when there's nothing on the horizon but open water. I want to feel what it's like to fly. In an old plane exposed to the air. I wish I could fly. With the birds and feel the freedom and wildness of being unattached. Imagine the traveling and the unending sky. Imagine the stories that birds have to tell. Imagine. But I also want to create a home in the earth and trees. With nature surrounding me like a hobbit in a forest. I want to run through the forest with the wolves and the bears. Feel my legs burn. Stare at the ancient trees with awe and wonder. They have seen so much in their long lives and continue to grow and thrive. I wonder at how much they know and how they continue to live knowing what they do. I want to breathe in the smell of pine and lakes for the rest of my life. Feel the fine sand of the lakes between my toes. Touch mossy rocks. Dig my fingers in the dirt. I want to plant wildflowers in my unwalled garden and grow enough food for me and my neighbors, be they humans or animals. I want to see the stars from every angle of the earth. Watch them spin as the moon sets through the night. I want to visit other continents, countries, cultures, and people. I want to learn and understand. I want to pay my respects to the last of each species at it leaves this planet. Visit the living communities of others and acknowledge their intelligence and important life. Try to unlearn the idea that humans are somehow superior. Maybe we don't know as much as we like to think. Maybe we could learn a thing or two by respecting other life forms. I want to find friends along the way. I want to never have to be in a relationship. I could be so supported and brave that I could teach others about who I am. The struggles I have faced and how trauma comes in many forms. I could teach about how some people feel too much all the time. And how some people don't want to be in relationships at all. And that it's okay. Its okay to feel attraction in the ways that you do. It's okay to be different in whatever ways that you are. I want to be content. Maybe if I live a thousand lives, I will be. Maybe if I finally feel free, a little more brave, and a lot more myself, I will be. Maybe I don't have to end up like others before me. Maybe, maybe I can create my own trail through the earth, my own home, my own chosen family, and my own life. Maybe I will be content. Maybe I will find peace

#my ramblings #these are my honest thoughts #my sincerity #helps to read it as if it's a poem #with the stereotypical spoken word voice #no disrespect intended #I genuinely mean this writing to be more like a poem than anything else

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reconditarmonia · 4 years

Text

Dear Chocolate Box 2021 Author

Hi! Thank you for writing for me! I’m reconditarmonia here and on AO3. I have anon messaging off, but mods can contact me with any questions.

Elsinore | Fullmetal Alchemist | The Locked Tomb | Motherland: Fort Salem | Simoun

General likes:

– Relationships that aren’t built on romance or attraction. They can be romantic or sexual as well, but my favorite ships are all ones where it would still be interesting or compelling if the romantic component never materialized.

– Loyalty kink! Trust, affectionate or loving use of titles, gestures of loyalty, replacing one’s situational or ethical judgment with someone else’s, risking oneself (physically or otherwise) for someone else, not doing so on their orders. Can be commander-subordinate or comrades-in-arms.

– Heists, or other stories where there’s a lot of planning and then we see how the plan goes.

– Femslash, complicated or intense relationships between women, and female-centric gen. Women doing “male” stuff (possibly while crossdressing).

– Stories whose emotional climax or resolution isn’t the sex scene, if there is one.

– Uniforms/costumes/clothing.

– Stories, history, and performance. What gets told and how, what doesn’t get told or written down, behavior in a society where everyone’s consuming media and aware of its tropes, how people create their personas and script their own lines.

General DNW: rape/dubcon, torture, other creative gore; unrequested AUs, including “same setting, different rules” AUs such as soulmates/soulbonds; PWP; food sex; embarrassment; focus on pregnancy; Christmas/Christian themes; focus on unrequested canon or non-canon ships; unrequested trans versions of characters.

Smut Likes: clothing, uniforms, sexual tension, breasts, manual sex, cunnilingus, grinding, informal d/s elements, intensity.

Requesting fic; open to art treats!

—

Fandom: Elsinore

Relationship(s): Hamlet & Ophelia; Hamlet & Horatio & Ophelia; Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia

I found the friendships in this game, and the different ways that characters can reconcile or try to find a way forward together, to be really sweet and moving, and I'd love to read something that focused on those relationships of trust and support. I like how important Ophelia and Horatio's counsel and friendship is in timelines where Hamlet becomes king; I like Hamlet regretting how he behaved towards Ophelia and striving to live through his depression and find out what it is that he wants, not what everyone else wants of him; I like seeing childhood friends Bernardo and Laertes and Ophelia and Hamlet, whose growing-up has stretched them so far apart, taking time to catch up and enjoy each other's company a little.

So, futurefic in one of the timelines where everything doesn't go to shit? A timeline that we don't see? (There is something narratively interesting to me in Permanence/Passion in that the entire plot of Hamlet ends up as a distant backstory to someone's full life; I don't know how compatible that idea is with these requests, but if you want to write any of these groups fucking off to Italy or Constantinople or London and living until the Elsinore pressure-cooker is a distant memory, I'd be just as happy with that as with fic about them building some kind of future together still in Denmark, trying to make it better for its people and to hold on to who they are as individuals, and friends, beyond their roles.) If you want to write Hamlet/Ophelia, Hamlet/Horatio, or for that matter Horatio/Bernardo as shippy, I'm fine with that, but I don't want a focus on the romantic aspects of their relationship.

Fandom-Specific DNW: death of requested characters within the timeline being explored, or focus on death of requested characters. These characters die in this game a lot and I don't need you to pretend entirely that it's not a time loop game, but I would like them to be happy. If you write the Bernardo & Hamlet & Laertes & Ophelia request, I'm fine with either or both names/pronouns for Bernardo|Katherine, but I don't want to read a story focused on their gender or coming-out. Please don't include Peter Quince as a character (you do not need to retcon, you know, the existence of the time loop).

—

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Relationship(s): Maria Ross/Olivier Mira Armstrong

I'll admit: I am a shallow, shallow person who loves the heartwarming and id-satisfying Briggs loyalty-kink complex (The watch! Buccaneer handing Olivier a clean pair of gloves after she kills Raven! Constant and deeply sincere saluting! Olivier’s explanation of why she wants Miles around and her lack of patience for anyone’s shit) but would like an f/f manifestation of it for actual shipping. Post-canon or AU where Maria is assigned to Briggs, or works for Olivier in Central? Does Maria foil a plot against Olivier, or Olivier save Maria's life in battle? Does Olivier order Maria into a firefight? Hit me.

Fandom-Specific DNW: Olivier/men, even mentioned.

—

Fandom: The Locked Tomb

Relationship(s): Abigail Pent & Dulcinea Septimus; Gideon the First & Matthias Nonius

Dulcie and Nonius were two of my favorite additions to the cast in Harrow the Ninth (and Dulcie in "Doctor Sex" via letter). I loved everything we learned about Dulcie - her wit, her quick thinking in a pinch when confronted by Cytherea and her secret to Harrow. I found her "The only thing preventing me from being exactly who I wanted..." speech both genuinely moving and very funny, and I love her thirst for revenge. What else might she and Abigail Pent, "independent research? it isn't even my birthday!" daredevil spirit-talker par excellence who has just conjured up a ghost out of an epic poem, get up to after Harrow's bubble collapses? Or what were they up to when they weren't on screen in Harrow's dream, putting together this whole, well, play?

Nonius's arrival, entire scene, and departure to fight the Beast made me very, very happy on levels I have trouble explaining. It was so heartwarming?! Because it was impossible, and because poetry won, and because they went off to do the best they could...I don't know, exactly. I'd love to read either more about his mysterious past with Gideon the First, or about their second encounter as allies (throw in Marta, Ortus and Pro if you like as well!)

Fandom-Specific Exception: to my unrequested ships DNW, Dulcie/Cam & Dulcie/Pal. I love their three strand thing.

—

Fandom: Motherland: Fort Salem

Relationship(s): Abigail Bellweather/Raelle Collar

I fell hard for this show and Abigail/Raelle is the ship I’m most excited about - they get off to a bad start for all kinds of personal history reasons and have problems with each other, but when it gets down to the wire Abigail would do anything for Raelle and is very gung-ho about having Raelle’s unconventional but extremely powerful magic under her leadership, regardless of Raelle being a loose cannon. She told her she loved her!! <3 And by the end, Raelle also clearly knows what Abigail's going through (like when she talks her down in "Citydrop"), respects her leadership, and cares deeply about her and wants to protect her in return. I love that loyalty dynamic, and their competence as fighters/witches.

Physical combat, strength in general, magical strength, ability to work magic together, knowledge of the magical canon vs. out-of-the-box techniques...what parts of their skills and their bond could be challenged in the weird dimension that the end of season 1 leaves them in? Or when they get back home and new challenges await? (In my head, the decision not to send them to War College is not revoked; the unit becomes some kind of special-forces secret strike team rather than cannon fodder.) Maybe something where Raelle goes/has gone into a fight as a berserker-type for Abigail and then comes back to her, or where Abigail protects/has protected her soldier (her girl!! I love her protectiveness of Raelle towards the other cadets, imagine it in a battle!)? Or an arranged marriage AU where it's usual for witch soldiers to marry to combine their magic power or something...

I would also be up for smut for them, especially something d/s-y where the loyalty-kinky dynamic of Raelle being Abigail's weapon, at her command, is echoed in sex!

Fandom-Specific DNW: sex solely for magical purposes without an emotional connection (sex for magical purposes is fine), focus on Raylla (I don't need you to retcon it, but please don't dwell either on Raelle still having feelings for Scylla or on her getting over Scylla for Abigail), Scylla bashing, Abigail/Adil (I would prefer to imagine, if he is mentioned in the fic, that they’re just friends).

—

Fandom: Simoun

Relationship(s): Aer/Neviril; Aer/Neviril & Neviril/Paraietta; Aer/Neviril/Paraietta; Aer & Floef & Neviril & Paraietta & Rodoreamon & Vyuraf

Aer, and Aer/Neviril, really grew on me on my recent rewatch. I appreciated her more as the determined bit-of-a-loose-cannon, who grows into a respected role in the choir, than the manic pixie this time, and noted Neviril's comments about how she was drawn to Aer's determination. (I've written a lot more about what I love and am interested in about Neviril and the show in general, her journey of figuring out what it means to her exactly to lead an air force, here.) I'd love to know what happens to them post-canon - what is the "new world" and their travel in it like? It's an escape for them, sure, but what are they escaping to, not just from? Are there problems there, too?

I'd also be up for a poly situation where Neviril is involved with both Aer and Paraietta, her long-loyal second-in-command whom she's blessed and forgiven, as a V where they're friends or as a triangle where Aer and Paraietta are also involved (I don't quite know what that leg of the triangle would look like but I do like how they work together in battle even when they're shown as having personal issues.)

If Neviril and Aer make it back to the main world when war is brewing again, as at the end of the series, but their old cohort can't fly anymore, what do they see their role as being? Does Neviril see herself as a leader for peace, for war, for something else? How do they interact with their former squadmates, whether as part of a more plotty piece or not?

I could be interested in explicit fic for this canon, as an option - the series is, on some level, about the contrast between the reality and physicality of their bodies and the general perception of what they do (which even in its non-spiritual military capacity is removed from a connection to their bodies via the Simoun aircraft), about becoming an adult, and of course about gender.

Fandom-Specific DNW: I'm not really interested in Kaim and Alty and would prefer for them not to appear or for their backstory to come up. I would also not like to see pre-timeskip Dominuura/Limone.

#dear author letters

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nylachoi · 4 years

Text

random headcanons

is fluent in english and korean. her biggest goal since starting school at stardew is learning greek so she can read the classics in its original language. her favorite so far is plato and she spends a lot of her free time self-teaching.

does not know how to drive and rides around town on a bike with a basket in the front to hold her books and camera. she has a little rubber duck on the handle that she puts a tiny helmet on for safety reasons. his name is hank.

decided to minor in philosophy the second semester of her first year of uni after she read and fell in love with nietzsche’s work.

her family is moderately wealthy due to her father’s successful books and she had a pretty comfortable childhood growing up. she didn’t have a silver spoon in her mouth and learned to ask for things before expecting them to come. she can be very humble in that regard.

cannot dance to save her life, save for slow dancing (because there isn’t much to mess up on) but that doesn’t stop her from breaking out in a poorly choreographed dance number just to make others calm down.

one of her favorite feelings is being dependable and will often offer a shoulder to lean on when someone is in need of emotional support. she is very warm, nurturing and is very much the human glue to a friend group when it’s falling apart.

very naive, but byeori took up *casual smoking* after she dated the lead singer of some shitty garage band in ireland. she thought he looked cool and hoped to look as cool as him. a couple of years later and its become one of her favorite past time vices. she’s more a social smoker than anything else.

in terms of drinking, the poor thing cannot handle her alcohol and becomes that one girl everyone knows and loves in the club washrooms. you know the, “you can do anything your heart desires!” and “you are so pretty, i am in awe!” very giggly and affectionate. the type of drunk you lose at the club and later find chatting about astronomy with randos. coincidentally she’s a better dancer when she’s drunk.

is empathetic and feels things deeply. she tends to absorb the problems and feelings of others should she love them enough and makes them her own, which can obviously be a bad thing at times. while she’s receptive to helping others, she’s not exactly the best at receiving help since she feels her problems are not worth the trouble and she would hate to burden anyone else with whatever it is thats bothering her. rarely does she reach out unless she’s on the brink of exhaustion.

the biggest crybaby. she often cries over the smallest of things. she cries over classical music when there is a certain melody, cries over art history and colors that spring to life and romance. oh god, romance will make her cry. poems make her cry. animals even make her cry. if she can’t compute its cuteness, she’ll tear up immediately.

doesn’t really tell people she’s a third gen legacy at stardew because she feels she’ll have to live up to the standards her family left behind. also because she’s scared she won’t be enough to keep up with the image. she likes to believe she is the first of her name to attend such a university and wants to walk to the beat of her drum.

tends to go on random tangents. sometimes they make sense and sometimes they don’t. she has this ability to make random insightful remarks that people genuinely don’t expect out of someone so soft and unassuming.

likes to sing. serenades random people in town sometimes when she’s in a mood. she sings when she showers, sings when she does her homework, sings when she’s walking to class and sings when she’s in the observatory.

doesn’t like being lonely, doesn’t mind being alone.

very sincere and honorable so lying is one of her biggest challenges. while she does not lie very often (and is very easily caught when doing so) she is extremely good at evading questions and redirecting attention onto other things. think cassie from skins when she teaches sid how she gets away with lying about her eating.

loves to cook and bake. inviting friends over for dinner is literally her favorite past time. she used to watch her nan cook when she was little and it stuck by her ever since. straight up gives some remy the rat vibes when she cooks.

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astrologysvt · 5 years

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Chart First Impressions: Seungkwan

In celebration of Seungkwan’s bday, I’m starting the “Seungkwan is Best Baby” club and here is my list of reasons why you should join it.

These are just the first impressions I had to all of their charts – the parts that popped out to me as being notable, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. Things like that. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!I adore this boy

our little capricorn baby

lets have a nice little capricorn talk.

another misunderstood sign

caps can be seen as stubborn, maybe judgmental.

maybe sometimes overly practical and inflexible.

i’ll be honest and say that caps have been the hardest for me personally to understand, but learning to understand them has been incredibly rewarding and enlightening.

the first hurdle you need to address if ur struggling to understand caps is to understand that they aren’t miracle workers.

they are so easy to write off in readings as the hard-workers, the ambitious ones, the ones who get stuff done.

lmao there is an expectation that, if no other sign can do it, a cap probably can — but these things are obviously more complex than that, and no one is immune to failure.

honestly, i think the main reason why people think this is, is because a cap is gonna be the last one to be okay dropping things if they know no one else is going to pick it up after them.

even if they’re over it and don’t want to deal with it anymore — they’re gonna be the ones who know how to find the patience and perseverance within themselves to see it to completion.

i went into it a little bit with seungcheol, but i think the primary identifying factor for a cap is their sense of responsibility.

how they decide to address/focus/direct this sense of responsibility is up to them, but i’ve met various capricorns at very different places with their sense of responsibility.

some ignore it, some are CONSTANTLY THINKING ABOUT IT.

caps who struggle to focus it in any which direction can tend to be pretty fickle with their time and struggle to justify imputing excessive amounts of effort into things they aren’t sure about.

if they don’t see it amounting to something, they’d rather not do anything.

and then you have the caps who are so committed in one direction who really feel as though time is constantly passing them by.

this is because they’re so focused on their goals that they struggle to grasp the progress they are actually making.

either way, what’s looming over them both is this hyper awareness of a sense of purpose (or lack there of).

and in my experience, they both tend to be rather insecure regardless of the place they’re at with their goals.

they’re either insecure in knowing they need to be doing things and aren’t, or insecure in not knowing whether they’re being the most efficient with their time.

that’s just something to think about with both seungkwan and joshua, though i think this is much more prominent in seungkwan

(not to say joshua doesn’t have the same sense of responsibility, he just seems to be less quick to action than seungkwan is).

with seungkwan, he’s the opportunist capricorn.

they’re the ones who don’t wait for people to hype them up to start doing things.

if they see an opportunity, they’ve already signed on and have started preparing.

this makes sense considering his approach to variety shows.

if he sees the opportunity, he reaches out.

same with his cover of love poem, he saw the opportunity to make this connection with IU and it ended up being this really beautiful exchange.

this cap attitude is the one he exactly expressed in the behind the scenes, too, when he was explaining that he didn’t know where the courage came from but he really wanted to directly ask IU for the instrumental.

he didn’t HAVE to per say, but his lack of fear allowed him to pursue this project in a very sincere, touching, and authentic way.

it goes to show how good these caps are at putting the effort forward before they can think themselves out of it.

these caps are just a mystery to me because you can’t even imagine where the idea to do the things they do come from, and before you have time to ask them what they’re up to, they’re already knee deep in the project and starting new ones as you speak.

but lets look at the rest of his chart

we’ve got a virgo moon!

so i feel like people don’t give virgos enough credit for being some of the funniest people in the world, honestly.

they are naturally very clever people and consequentially very great conversationalists (so long as they don’t have other, more reserved placements that may interfere).

they are this way because they are so observant and detail-oriented.

they can talk for hours about the intricacies of the most random things and can talk about them with such passion because they genuinely think the little things are the most interesting.

they’re very similar to gemini placements in the sense that they want to know everything and study everything, and honestly just love being able to share their findings with people.

i think the primary difference is that geminis do it because they are so curious and inquisitive, almost to a fault.

where as a virgo approaches it more as research/getting their bearings.

they feel the most comfortable in situations where they can account for all the details, understand how each part functions, and can have enough information where they feel as though they can comfortably predict all possible outcomes.

they’re so good at this to the point that they manage to come to these findings incredibly fast, almost subconsciously.

which is why you can hardly ever get anything past someone with a strong virgo influence. even when you think they’re not paying attention.

they keep tabs on the most random, minuscule things and man will they let you know if something is not how it should be.

but how does this make him funny?

virgo’s take that attention to detail and they apply that to their humor.

they’re the ones to point out that random thing they noticed you did that you didn’t think anyone would notice, but boy did they notice it and did they think it was hilarious.

or the kind of things that wouldn’t be funny inherently, but are funny because they put it in such a specific context that now you think it’s the funniest thing on the planet.

it’s because they’re resourceful comedians who are super in tune not just with the nuance that puts those jokes over the top, but they are so good at finding the most obscure, random things to pick fun at.

they’re humor also def leans more towards the satiric/absurd realm.

i mean, john mulaney is a virgo idk what more i need to say to prove how funny and weird virgos can be.

seungkwan honestly has such a big heart.

so i know earth signs have a habit of coming across cool or impersonal, and with a cap sun, mercury, venus & virgo moon you’d imagine he’d be too cool for school.

but don’t forget virgo influences are one of the healers of astrology.

in astrology there are two “healers”

pisces are the emotional healers, and virgos are the physical healers.

this could explain his ultra obsession with helping the others maintain their health, and also why he manages to nag them about it in the sweetest way.

but we’ve also got a virgo moon trine cap mercury.

this makes him incredibly emotionally competent.

having this aspect associated with both earth signs makes it so that his concern with health and stability is how he expresses his care.

he truly and deeply understands the role he plays in taking care of his members and takes it very seriously.

this also makes him really good at giving advice!!!

he’s so attentive and is really good at balancing emotional support with guidance.

this can also make him incredibly great in stressful situations as he’s able to take in chaos and turbulence through his moon and effectively process it. then his cap mercury’s quick brain and knack for logics kicks in and starts problem solving.

his moon is opposite jupiter

this is the aspect that really makes him that fun-loving, sweet, warm-hearted boo we all know and love.

he’s so generous with affection and humor because it comes from this bottomless well within him.

he’s so accessible and i think this is one of the reasons why people are so quick to warm up to him.

hehehe tho he does have a tendency to over do it due to that opposition.

the jupiter influence gives him this super open and free energy from that added sag influence while making him incredibly optimistic at heart.

he’s just so easy to be around, and when you see him open up his arms to you there’s no reason for you not to return the gesture.

not only that, but talking with him is so fun because he is so animated and so passionate yet so invested in the conversation because he genuinely enjoys hearing from different perspectives.

he is truly a happy, and optimistic person at heart and associating this with his moon makes him incredibly stable and enduring in the face of emotional turmoil.

it doesn’t make him immune to emotions or sadness, but he is certainly always able to find a silver lining while also allowing him to be constructive on the reasons he may have ended up where he was.

but you take that and then you add his already super committed capricorn energy, and what you get is this incredibly resilient guy.

it’s because of this that he’s so capable of being present in every single aspect.

there is at no point that seungkwan checks out, may it be professionally, personally, emotionally.

he is truly someone you can depend on in all fronts.

#seventeen #svt #seungkwan #boo seungkwan

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actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years

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I feel bad for not caring about Avery and Schneider on the show. I mean what do they even have in common besides being rich and hating it. Maybe it’s because they don’t show them as a couple or even her as a character much. Idk, they are just so boring to me. She does seem nice and she’s beautiful and I love that they are married in real life but as a couple on the show? I just can’t see it

Okay, this is totally you asking for an essay on Schneider and Avery, right? Whoops you’re getting one anyway because I have so many feelings about them and so many opinions I haven’t had much reason to dig into yet.

The genius of Schneider and Avery is that the actors playing them, real-life marrieds Todd & India, have the MOST ridiculous chemistry.

The problem with Schneider and Avery is…the exact same thing.

The Backstory

I knew long before S3 came out that Schneider was getting a love interest this season, and that she was going to be played by Todd’s wife, who I wasn’t familiar with at all besides his Instagram photos. I’m not even sure I knew she was an actress until they announced her guest starring role. Because they announced it early, I had a lot of time to build up anxiety over it.

I’m as deep into this fandom as I am because I ship Schneider with Penelope. I love the show exactly as it is, and if they never become canon I won’t love it any less, but that doesn’t change the fact that: 1) I watched the show; 2) I started shipping them; 3) I decided to write my first fic for a sitcom because of them; 4) through fic I made friends and developed headcanons and made more friends and managed to keep writing through some really rough life events; and 5) then from filming announcements and through the fandom, I found out Avery was coming and that the show was going to be including the weird Pen/Schneider sibling vibe in S3.

So before S3 premiered I was really, genuinely scared I might not enjoy S3 as much as I adored S2. What if I hated it? What if I hated Schneider’s new girlfriend??? I wanted to like her so much because I knew the actress was Todd’s wife, but I had no idea if I COULD because I had no idea how they were going to include her or who she would be. And I’ve never hated Penelope’s love interests just because I like her with Schneider, but I had also met several of those by the end of S2. Schneider getting a girlfriend was new.

1. Todd and India have more than their fair share of chemistry. Who do I speak to about that?

Then, in 3x03, we meet Schneider’s new love interest–and I was basically Schneider (as I often am). From the glasses that don’t succeed at all in dulling how gorgeous she is to her nerdy interests and apparent mild social anxiety (when she asked ”are you making fun of me?” so sincerely, my heart just went…oh. oh okay.) I thought she was adorable and funny and even more than that, I’m SO weak for devoted men, I can’t even tell you.

Well, I don’t have to tell you. If you’ve read anything I’ve ever written about Penelope and Schneider, you know. I love men who love women so much they would do anything for them, especially when they’re quietly selfless about it but so in love that it just radiates out of them.

That’s how Schneider has always acted with Penelope, a little bit, even when he wasn’t trying. That’s why I fell for the ship.

But that’s also how TODD acts, opposite India–to a ridiculous degree, in a way that isn’t acting at all. You can feel it hitting you through the television, how lucky he feels just to be with her, just to be NEAR her. It’s so sweet, I die. Schneider/Avery isn’t even my OTP and I’m gonna make them a gifset at some point, just because I cannot handle the fact that Todd looks at his wife that way, every time he focuses on her.

So because this is clearly going to be long, to sum up point 1: Todd Grinnell, who plays Schneider, and his offscreen wife India de Beaufort, who plays Avery? Absolutely fantastic couple. I’m totally rooting for them, these strangers I don’t actually know. Just because watching them act together is a beautiful thing.

Also because India is a sweet human who told me on Twitter that the little nose rub between them after they reunite in 3x13 was improvised by them, not scripted. And you better believe I could not love that more if I tried. THEY ARE CUTE. Conclusion one.

2: Schneider and Avery have too little screen time to make sense as a couple.

ODAAT as a show is so strong because it holds the Alvarez/Riera family at its core and builds everything around them. You’re supposed to fall in love with them first, and grow to love the supporting characters around them, as you slowly learn more about them.

Now, in some cases, it’s not a slow process. It didn’t take me long to love Carmen or Schneider–it only took me one scene to love Syd. But the show’s purpose isn’t those characters, at least not at first. It’s Penelope’s family. And the rewarding thing about ODAAT is that the definition of ‘family’ grows and envelopes more of the characters, as time goes on.

Because Schneider was still a (fabulous, lovable) supporting character before S3, he was on the outside a bit, along with Dr. B. I think you can look at the show like a set of circles, with Penelope and Lydia and Elena and Alex in the center circle, then with Schneider & Dr. B. and Syd one ring just outside of that, revolving around them. The support group, most of Penelope’s love interests, and Elena and Alex’s friends are a ring outside of that.

S3 widened the inner circle and pulled Schneider in. It was the first season to actually dig into his backstory, the family he comes from, his sobriety. And while it was amazing, it was still just a start. It was the beginning of showing him as a full family member. It put him in the center circle, and that meant giving him more focused scenes, more story.

But the show is still also about the whole family, and S3 has the same amount of episodes as the first two did. The show included more Schneider, but still only fit in so much. And one consequence of that is that his relationship with Avery exists almost entirely offscreen. They told us more about it than they showed, and let Todd and India’s chemistry fill in the gaps, the unanswered questions.

3. What we actually saw onscreen when it comes to Schneider and Avery.

A meet-cute, which was pretty well-done. We learn she’s a geek along with him, that they’re compatible in at least that one way. We learn they like each other pretty instantly, which isn’t always believable, but the show’s got to move at a fast pace and I respect that. We learn he likes her enough to argue with Nikki, and she likes him enough to do the same. She’s no pushover, and she inspires him to be stronger. A good start.

Schneider spends some time with Penelope in the next episode and Avery doesn’t come up at all. When we see her again, Schneider’s about to have his first real date with her, as far as I can tell, on Valentine’s Day. (No pressure or anything.) It’s clear that Penelope and Avery have met by now, though we don’t know when or how. By the end of the episode we know that Schneider and Avery spent most of their first date lying to each other.

The big reveal, that they have even more in common than they thought, was super predictable to me but still funny, and my only problem with it is that once they land that plot twist, it becomes Avery’s entire personality. She’s no longer the quirky kindergarten teacher who gets along with Schneider the hobbyist because she loves to write poems and appreciates his niche interests.

Now, she’s his rich girlfriend. They get along because when he needs to fix his expensive hot tub, she can suggest they just pay someone to do it. The next time we see her, Avery’s entire existence is a few lines that show how well she gets along with his father because HAHAHA money. And then? We don’t see her at all until her surprise return in the finale.

5. What we didn’t see onscreen between Schneider and Avery.

Offscreen, as far as I can tell, they had other dates, they seem like they were serious enough to probably have had sex, she clearly was invited to some dinners etc with the family (though we don’t know if she went), before he started drinking again and they broke up and then she avoided him completely until Lydia convinced her to give him another chance.

We know Schneider completely blames himself for their breakup, but we have literally no idea what happened to send her running scared. Did he start drinking in secret and she caught him? Did he start drinking around her openly because he thought her reaction would be different from his family’s? Did she leave him because of the drinking or because of some specific thing that happened while Schneider was drunk or for some other reason entirely???

Based on their conversation in the finale, something happened, whatever it was. And Avery definitely knew he needed to be sober, otherwise why else would she be scared to try again?

Therefore the single biggest conundrum that S3 left me with, especially the more I rewatched, was this:

Avery knew Schneider well enough to know he wasn’t supposed to be drinking, or enough to tell there was a problem when his drinking came to her attention. SOMETHING happened that was bad enough for them to break up, and for her to ghost him after.

Avery also knew that Schneider’s family of choice was Penelope and her mom and her kids. She’d met them often enough to be able to talk to them politely, to know where they live.

Why didn’t she say ANYTHING to ANYONE in that apartment as soon as things with Schneider imploded????

How is it that she could be aware enough of Schneider’s life to know his family/best friends, aware enough to be worried about his sobriety, and worried enough to decide they had no future, but not tell his family what was going on when she was clearly aware of it long before they were??

Even if she was unhappy and uncomfortable and didn’t want to get into relationship details with Penelope, she could have just mentioned the drinking part and cut off all further communication! She could have left a note at their door!! She works at Elena and Alex’s school teaching the little kids, presumably she might sometimes run into them on school grounds…and she never said anything.

It drives me crazy because maybe there’s a reasonable explanation for that, for all of it, but I would have no idea what it is, because all of that happened offscreen and wasn’t explored.

6. Why it matters.

With the family at the show’s core, and Schneider only recently included in that center, Avery falls in the outer ring. But because S3 tried to give Schneider more without giving the rest of the family less, there just wasn’t room to flesh out Avery enough.

If you compare her to Max in S2, we saw him interact with the whole family on multiple occasions. Because of that, we got to know him as more than just ‘Penelope’s casual sex buddy who she was friends with years ago.’ He and Pen weren’t my OTP either, but I genuinely liked them together because we understood why they worked. We saw them survive conflicts, face problems, have real conversations.

With Avery, we saw her and Schneider meet and then we saw them present fake bios to each other before the truth came out, and then we saw her be the perfect rich-son girlfriend before disappearing. Their conflicts were left to our imagination. Their deeper moments were left to our imagination. When they get back together, we see Avery after she’s already decided to try again, and Schneider apologizing for whatever exactly happened that we may never know.

As viewers, we can interpret that as generously as we want, but it still leaves us with a relationship that we’re told matters…because we’re told it does. Though I love Schneider and I hate seeing him in pain, ‘he’s sad without her’ is not a detailed case for why he belongs with Avery. And ‘because Lydia vouched for him’ is absolutely not a good enough explanation for why Avery belongs with him.

Even looking at it as though what we learned about her in the beginning holds true, we’re left to assume that Avery loves him enough to support him through his recovery and rebuild trust, because…they’re both pretty nerds with similar feelings about their family money? And he loves her so much he was in hell without her…because to him she’s a ‘perfect angel woman’ (which is so painfully idealistic of him, it makes sense for him but is also begging for him to be crushed again when she falls off that pedestal).

There are as many red flags in the screen time we do see as there are reasons to root for them. She claims to be miserable with inherited money just like he is, but she’s way more comfortable relying on it, talking about it in ways that we just don’t see Schneider do. And the whole point when Schneider’s father visits is that Schneider is not who Lawrence wants him to be–but as far as we know, Avery isn’t putting on an act to get along with him, the way Schneider does. She just IS enough like him. She’s very at ease on his level.

And don’t even get me started on Avery stopping Schneider’s joy over being an Alvarez to make him focus back on her. It’s a joke, but it’s also not a good sign for their future, if any part of her isn’t 100% comfortable with how important to him the whole family is.

7. My grand unifying theory.

I’m convinced that her lack of dimensions, and their relationship lacking depth as much as it does, is because writing Avery in involved bringing India on. I’m not saying I wish they hadn’t!! Again, I adore her. But it’s a problem, and here’s why.

Every serious love interest we’ve seen Penelope have, from Victor to Mateo, is in her orbit mainly, but also interacts with the rest of her life. Max got to know everybody, counseling Alex, being pestered by Schneider, flirted with by Lydia, etc. Victor was central to her life for a long time, so we learn a lot about him through his many family scenes. Mateo has scenes with Penelope mainly, but he’s around the family enough that we learn about him based on that proximity–how he feels about Alex, how his background compares to her family’s.

Avery is Schneider’s first serious love interest, and we see her interact with…Schneider. No conversations between her and Lydia, only one exchange with Penelope when Avery tries to mistakenly console her over being single, then they never directly speak again. Avery doesn’t ever talk to the kids, though they’re super important to his life.

As a show, ODAAT never made me consider the Bechdel test until I was trying to include Avery in an edit about the female character interactions and I realized that that one moment with Pen is the only one. As a character, her entire point, and focus, and existence even, is about Schneider. It wouldn’t be so weird if she were just another Stick Girl, but we’ve seen her included in family events. We know she knows the people in his life. We just don’t see her ever talk to any of them, and I don’t think that was a choice they made to keep her character secluded so much as it was a natural result of adding a character to the outer ring whose only purpose in the story is to date Schneider.

So they created a girlfriend for Schneider, and they worked her into the story enough to give them a relationship, and to make their breakup and reunion important plot points for Schneider’s S3 arc.

And because the show was more focused on the family, Avery’s character was only included where she absolutely had to be, to hit those plot points.

And because the actors have chemistry enough to sell it, ODAAT called that good enough for their characters and that relationship and kept moving.

It’s clear from social media that the cast and crew of the show adore Todd and India, and adore their onscreen relationship just as much. Because of that, I’m not sure if maybe they’re a little blinded to what the whole thing is like for the rest of us, who don’t know them personally, who don’t see Schneider/Avery first as an adorable ship starring these two cute dorks that so clearly are meant to be because the actors are.

But whatever the reason, I think a lot of the people involved in the show ship it harder than the viewers do. I ship Schneider/Avery because she makes him happy and the actors are fun to watch, but I hope they’re not endgame for all the above reasons.

Schneider deserves love and a future with someone, and even if he doesn’t end up with my personal choice for his ideal match, I still want that someone to make sense. I want to be able to root for them for reasons that exist in canon. If the show gets more seasons and we see Schneider and Avery work on/through some issues, if we see him start to treat her like a flawed person he loves rather than like someone he doesn’t deserve at all…if we get to see how the other important people in his life relate to her…then I’ll be more on board.

But after S3, all I can say with certainty is that Todd and India make Schneider and Avery watchable…but they can’t carry the whole relationship based on their chemistry alone.

#odaat #one day at a time #schneider #schneider x avery #schnavery #avery #todd grinnell #india de beaufort #meta #mine

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thedressmaker-blog1 · 6 years

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( ‘ROMANCE’ ) HEADCANONS.

NAME, Badulf Mounier NICKNAME, Bad (it’s really fitting...) GENDER, Male ORIENTATION, Heteroflexible PREFERRED PET NAMES, Anything that’s not insulting or belittling. He, though, has a slew of pet names in his arsenal, like petite chou, mignonette, crème brûlée and other Frenchly (Toussaint-ly) things. RELATIONSHIP STATUS, Very unhappily, tragically single but also not single. It’s unfathomably complicated with lots of seawater. FAVORITE CANON SHIP( S ), There is no canon ship. Nobody he loves loves him. Those fools. FAVORITE NON-CANON SHIP( S ), Badulf and Lavinia. It was a manipulative, horrific one, but it’s interesting for me to think about Badulf genuinely and sincerely in love, and he was.

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE, Love is a many-splendored thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love! Ok, but really, love is the core and basis of many of Badulf’s interests and beliefs, and it’s quite literally the one thing that he loves so wholly and unconditionally. He craves it. And he believes in the beauty of it, belives so completely in sharing your life with someone else. Though he’s suffered unending, consecutive blows of heartache, he still dearly holds onto it. OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT, He does actually believe in love at first sight despite him sometimes saying otherwise. But once you know the person, that love should only grow. HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY, Very. Extremely. He’s an I-write-poems-about-you, moonlit-walks, candle-light dinners, a-garden-full-of-red-roses-for-you kind of guy. He’s the I-can’t-sleep-at-night-because-I-keep-thinking-about-you hopeless romantic. He’s the guy who’s staring at the light of his life without even really realizing it. He’s 105% ready to commit and eager to make you know he’s there for you, always and more. It’s really revolting. IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS, Sharp eyes. Long hair. Slender neck. Long fingers, full lips. Wide hips. Blonde. IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS, Strong-willed. Confident. A go-getter. Not hesitant. Doesn’t sell themselves short. UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS, Cornflower blue eyes. Stubby fingers; thick hands. Too muscular. Bad hygiene. Messy hair; unkemptness. Poor fashion taste. Bardly. UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS, Submissive. Innocent. Child-like. Air-headed. Bardly. IDEAL DATE, Something lively. Fun. Spontaneous. Or also something lazy and warm and all and completely alone. He hates things being too monotonous, though, and likes variety. Sit at a table with him and together insult every person who walks past. DO THEY HAVE A TYPE, He’s continuously fallen for hard-edged women, women who know what they want and stop at nothing to obtain it. Women who don’t bend to anyone’s will. Women who could simultaneously kill and excite you with a smoldering glare. Strong-willed. Unfortunately, their personalities also tend to clash harshly with his seeing as they’re both stubborn and often don’t have much give. It’s disastrous, actually. AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH, Short? He doesn’t have much actual relationships. Everything’s almost exclusively been flings and one night stands. PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY, Lying down together. He loved, loved, loved Lavinia lying on the chaise or in bed with him, lazily soaking up the morning sun, the light pouring over her hair and shoulders, as he read, admired, felt her breath against his chest. Oh! And sweet kissing. Hand-holding. COMMITMENT LEVEL, High. If it’s not a one night stand, he’s entirely and completely committed and is more likely than not to be the first to be so. OPINION OF PUBLIC AFFECTION, He hates it when other people are displaying it in front of him. It’s spiteful, though, because it reminds him he wants it for himself. It's inconsiderate! Rude. PAST RELATIONSHIPS, Most of them have been without commitment, just one night stands, so no relationship. His past love includes Lavinia, though, obviously, and in his younger days he’s had some serious relationships with pretty, powdered-nose things, whisking them away from their curfews to spend some romantic night by the bay. Oh, oh, he loved that! But they, of course, had to be married off to someone else or were eaten by striga in their father’s summer beach house or something.

tagged by : No one, but I decided to do it!

tagging : @mercysought (any!), @ivakir, @cllgood, @taromancies, @archontem, @aelwihtas (any!), @simulacrumist (any!), @goldenvelleity, @flowerstrung, @magicbound, @khaleesiofvalyria

#thedressmaker: hc #[badulf is such a romantic its like cavity inducing]

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holyspiritelpasogreetingswishes · 3 years

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Meaningful Birthday Quotes for Sister

What's better than sending meaningful birthday wishes to your sister on her special day? Such as jpg, png, animated gifs, picture art, symbol, minimalist, etc. The choices of gifting ideas are infinite. So, you can make your sister happy by sending her a thoughtful gift on her birthday. If you are confused on which gift to bring, I have some suggestions for you.

* Heart touching Happy Birthday Wishes for Sister Quotes. By expressing your feelings and love to your sister on this special day, you can definitely make her happy. There are lots of heart touching quotes that will surely make her feel happy. Read on the following paragraphs and learn more about these quotes.

* A heart touching poem or story. This is one of the most popular choice to express your feelings to your special someone on their birthday. A poem or a true story with its underlying message will surely touch your sis heart. It is written in a very gentle tone. Some examples of these poems are Mother Nature's Little Acre and Two Boys Fromhodo. These two are famous fairy tale love stories.

* A kind but sincere birthday greeting. By sending a genuine gift to your sister on her birthday, you will give her a happy feeling. If you are confused on what to give her, just know that you can always go with a simple yet meaningful gift such as flowers, chocolates, or a card. You may also want to send your sister a certificate of her new age. In order to surprise your sis on her special day, you can even get her a surprise bag or a bouquet of fresh flowers.

* A piece of advice. Giving your sister a good piece of advice can be a very thoughtful way of wishing her a happy birthday. It will not only lift her spirits but it will also help you to make her life happier and healthier. There are so many things you can recommend to your sis. Among the top things you can recommend are healthy eating, exercising, and wishing her a long life.

* A song that can cheer. Singing songs is a great way to wish somebody a happy birthday. Most popular songs are about the singer or the occasion. But there are always songs that can express your affection to your sisters. One example is Forever My Love by James Blunt. This song is about two lovers who can always remain together forever.

* A wish for a better future. When you are giving your sister a happy birthday sister, it is important that you also write wishes for a better future ahead. You can write wishes for a better career, a better love life, and anything else that will help you succeed in the future. These daughter wishes @ holyspiritelpaso.org are best wishes, because they are not vows.

You can give any kind of quote to your dearest sister. Always remember that your dearest sister is not just an individual being but an individual with a soul. And as you wish her a happy birthday, remember also that she is a person with a mind of her own. That is why sometimes you have to put in a little effort to help your sis. The best gift you can give her is the smile of joy, which is truly the most meaningful kind of gift to give anybody.

* May god bless her. In Chinese belief, the number three is associated with the god of wealth, so when you wish your sister a happy birthday, may god bless her with three years of good health, wealth and prosperity. If you want to make your sister happy, you should try to teach her the meaning of happiness and the joys of wealth. You should tell her how the three treasures can help her achieve anything she wants to.

* File type: Many of the desktop wallpapers and images on the internet are JPEG files. JPEG files are the most common images downloaded by the internet users around us. These pictures are usually large in size. And the file size of the JPEG file makes it very difficult for the web browsers to open them. So, if you have a great idea but cannot get it printed in big size, it may be a good idea to save it in the jpeg format.

Now, all you need to do is to search the log files and add them to your e-mails. E-mail will help you send the message to your love one with ease. And, you may include the same special message with the same beautiful sister picture at the bottom of the e-mails. This way, you can create a happy and cheerful greeting for her as well as send your love and condolences for her birthday. Your beautiful sister is sure to appreciate such an exquisite birthday gift.

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whispersandwhiskerburn · 7 years

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The Christmas Con

Angel’s 2017 Christmas Drabble #5 (Christmas Drabbles List)

Request: @plaidstiel-wormstache said: OMC OMC OMC - Dean, the impala, mistletoe hanging from the rearview mirror. Pairing: Dean x Reader Word Count: 1,820 Warnings: Dean is being a bit of a Grinch. Kinda relationship angst/kinda fluffy? Flangst maybe? Reader is a bit maudlin at one point, but I’d call this fluffy and cute...idk, you guys tell me. Author’s Note: This image in my head was great, and I wish I had a gif of it. Thanks for always providing such great inspiration to my writing, Jess. :) Also, it was almost painful how many times I messed up while trying to switch to first person narration on this fic, but I wanted to try on your favorite style for your request.

Even from the beginning, I knew life on the road with the Winchesters wasn’t always going to be easy.

Frankly, they both could be rather grouchy, Dean especially. Around the holidays it always seemed to be worse.

Don’t misunderstand--I love them both, but sometimes….

“Dean, seriously? That’s the third time!”

The three of you had just checked into yet another off-putting hotel for the third time so far this December. No case this time, at least not yet, just moving on to a new spot after the conclusion of a last one before the local cops started asking too many questions about the paperwork.

And at all three hotels, Dean had made a point of sneering at the clerk’s “Merry Christmas” greeting and accidentally knocking over or damaging some piece of Christmas decoration in their lobby. Sam was doing his best to ignore it, picking his battles I guess, but I’d about had enough of this Grinchy-behavior.

“What?” His voice was immediately on the defensive as he dropped his suitcase on the bed closest to the window. Sam had made a bee-line for the bathroom, the coward, as I squared off against my boyfriend.

“‘What?’ nothing. You know exactly what I’m talking about, Ebenezer. And don’t even!”

His mouth had been open, the words ‘bah’ and ‘humbug’ hovering on his lips when I’d preempted him.

“What exactly is your beef against Christmas anyway? I know you and Sam fought off that pagan Christmas deity pair, and you didn’t have the greatest Christmases growing up, but does that mean you have to stomp over everyone else’s good mood on the holidays?”

My hands were on my hips, and I was even surprised myself at how vehemently I was arguing the issue. Dean’s attitude must have been bugging me more than I’d realized.

He looked genuinely surprised by my rant too, sitting down on the bed and pulling me close to him.

“Why does it matter, Y/N? Christmas is really just another day on the job for us anyway, and it’s not really the holiday mood I have an issue with, it’s people who are cheery for no reason whatsoever. They bug me the other 11 months of the year too, but you don’t call me out about it then.

“So the real question, Y/N, is what’s got you so hot and bothered?”

If he had asked it in a condescending way, or accusing, I probably would have kicked his ass on principle. But a sincere Dean Winchester was a hard thing to resist or get mad at.

I rested my hands on his shoulders and took a deep breath, trying to figure out what was bugging me so much. It didn’t take long.

“I’m new to this hunting game, Dean. I didn’t grow up in it like you--Hell, I didn’t even know monsters were real until I was an adult. My childhood… it wasn’t perfect, but I can remember Christmas being amazing, and a part of me misses it. Decorating, shopping for the perfect gift, the excitement on Christmas morning, going sledding and ice skating, quiet time with family, making snowmen and snow angels….”

My voice drifted off as I lost myself in memories for a moment. Dean brought me back to Earth with a gentle squeeze on my hips through my sweatshirt and denim.

“Babe, that sounds nice and everything, but we don’t really do Christmas. It’s all for tourists--with the wrapping paper and the shopping and the nativity scenes. It’s not really part of the hunter lifestyle, you know? Sometimes you just have to let those things go.”

I eyed him, judging if he meant it or not.

Maybe he was right. Hunting didn’t leave time for much caroling or candy canes. Maybe this was just another adjustment I’d need to make.

“Okay, Dean. I’m going to take a shower and get to bed. I’m tired.”

Sam had emerged from the bathroom, apparently having judged our volume as safe-enough-to-risk-it, and I stepped back out of Dean’s reach, grabbed my toiletry bag, and claimed the bathroom.

A hot shower, no matter what the water pressure in this crap hotel, was sure to be some improvement on my maudlin attitude. There wasn’t much sense in wishing for childish things… what was that poem again?

I sat on the toilet and googled, my mind tugging at a remembered phrase about childhood and childish things, until I found the poem by St. Vincent Millay. I skimmed it, nodding to myself.

Yes, I’d left that particular kingdom behind the same day I’d met the Winchesters, grieving over the horrible deaths of my parents. And the holidays were the time I missed them most, remembering the fun they always put into the season, the closeness, the warmth, no matter how cold it got outside.

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, and I put the phone down, internally scolding myself. I reached over, turning on the hot water before turning on my phone’s music to drown out the sound of the groaning pipes.

Moping would solve nothing. I had a new family with the Winchesters, after all, and a new purpose in hunting.

And that would have to be enough for all the holidays to come.

“C’mon, Y/N, wake up, sweetheart.”

I groaned and tugged on the blanket. There was no telling how long I had actually been asleep, but my internal alarm clock was reading “not long enough”.

Stupid Dean didn’t get the message.

“Y…… N……” Dean’s voice was particularly annoying right now. He apparently was okay without having sex again anytime soon if he kept that shit up.

“C’mon, gorgeous, you’ve got to get up. We’ve got to get some coffee in you and get on the road. We’ve got a new case.”

I groaned, recognizing his tone. Dean was in hunter mode--relentless and impatient. There was no way I was getting back to sleep this morning.

“Fine. I’m moving. But if I don’t have a coffee cup waiting for me by the time I get out of the bathroom, you won’t be.” My voice was grumpy grumble as I rolled out of the bed, heading for the tiny bathroom. I dimly noticed that Sam wasn’t in the room and Dean was sitting by his computer.

As I shut the door I heard Dean chuckle, “that’s my girl.”

When I came back out five minutes later, marginally awake but still in desperate need of caffeine, Sam had returned and was bearing Starbucks, the saint that he was.

I made grabby hands until he laughed and passed one over, “good morning, Y/N.”

“Hmmph.”

I sipped slowly at my hot beverage, barely listening as Sam and Dean continued a conversation they’d apparently started last night or this morning.

“We can’t just not help Garth. We owe the guy, and besides--I’d feel bad if he got killed.”

Sam shook his head, “but we can’t ignore Bobby either. I say, divide and conquer. I’ll take care of Garth, you two follow up on Bobby’s lead.”

Dean frowned, then nodded, the plan making sense to him. “Why not? We should both get done quicker that way, maybe meet up in a couple of days at Bobby’s place.”

“We might even make it in time for Christmas.” Sam smiled, but Dean rolled his eyes, his mind apparently not changed at all since last night.

I finally felt alive enough to interject, “when are we leaving?”

Dean eyed me up and down, a smile on his face. I probably still had bed-head or something, but at least he was too smart to say anything about it.

“Just as soon as you finish that coffee.”

Ten minutes later, I had packed my duffle and thrown it in the trunk of the Impala. Sam was going to wait at the hotel for Garth to give him a ride while Dean and I followed whatever lead Bobby had given him while I’d been asleep.

I sighed a bit as the festive decorations on the front lobby of the little hotel caught my eye. Hunting a monster wasn’t exactly how I had wanted to spend the last few days before Christmas.

But life was change. I’d adjust soon enough.

Dean was already behind the wheel, and I could practically feel his impatience to get started, so I opened my door and slid in.

And immediately stopped.

“Dean, what is that?”

“What’s what?” Dean’s voice was carefully hiding something--amusement? Excitement?

“This.” I reached out and tapped the small bunch of mistletoe hanging from the rear view mirror. Maybe it was some kind of warding, but it hadn’t been there the last time I got in the car.

“I’m shocked, Y/N. Don’t you know what hanging mistletoe is for at Christmastime?”

I finally tore my eyes away from the plant to see Dean’s mischievous smile. I hadn’t seen that smile since the time he’d put benadryl cream in Sam’s toothpaste tube.

“You bastard.” I whispered as it all clicked in my head.

He laughed then, pulling me across the seat to kiss me under the mistletoe.

I kissed him back briefly, then pushed at his chest to get some space. “So all that talk about Christmas not being a part of the hunting life? It was a prank?”

He shook his head, his hand threading through my hair.

“No, not really. I haven’t paid much attention to Christmas since Sam was a kid.” His other hand reached for the charm that always dangled around his neck.

“But if it matters to you, I have no problem indulging. And it might be fun.” And the way his eyebrows waggled at that last sentence clued you in about another layer of this elaborate hoax.

“So this case that we’re on….”

“Isn’t a case. Bobby’s loaning us one of his hunting cabins for the rest of the week. Sam’s going to meet us at his place on Christmas day and we’ll have a family get together. Sound good?”

I smiled, touched that he’d apparently put all this together, noticing how I felt about Christmas even before last night.

“It sounds perfect, Dean.”

“Good.” He drew me close for another kiss which I was much more enthusiastic about now, and he was the one who had to pull away for breath, turning the key in the ignition and starting the growl of the Impala’s engine.

“I can’t believe you set up this ridiculous con though. I love a surprise, but really Dean?”

He put his arm on the back of my seat, looking over his shoulder as he backed out of the parking space, his mouth twisting into a pleased grin.

“Yeah, but you should have seen your face, babe. Now, that was a good Christmas gift.”

I elbowed him lightly, but he only chuckled as he pulled out of the lot, headed for a Christmas getaway that I suddenly couldn’t wait for.

This fic will have a sequel! Keep an eye open for it!

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#Angel's Christmas Drabbles #dean x read #flangst #fluffy dean #slightly angsty reader #fluff #angst #idk you tell me #I liked it #hopefully you will too #dean x reader

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thehoneygloss · 7 years

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you’ll always be my best memory

sometimes the act of falling doesn't hurt as much as letting go

word count: 5.5k

pairing: yoongi x jimin

genre: angst, fluff

author’s note: pianist yoongi au is what i live for. so this is that. along with a fanboy jimin au (not really an au, cause he's probably yoongi's biggest fan). also, it's kinda fluffy but also very angsty, i suggest to read this all in one go for that 'effect'. anyways, enjoy.

December, 2015

Lang Leav once wrote a poem about loving someone who’s miles and miles away, it is short of metaphors and words in general. It was rather simple, actually, and was not composed of long paragraphs and overused similes. But in it, Jimin happens to find reassurance. ‘Physicality is an expression of intimacy — not the indication of it.’ Jimin has spent his whole teenage years thinking that physicality indicates the sincerity of love that someone has for another. The million dollar question (if Jimin has even half the amount of money lying around, he actually might offer that much, but he’s a university student — one who’s part time job consists of organizing books in the university library): so which is correct? Doesn’t the presence of a loved one supposed to affect you more than of a stranger’s? Honestly speaking, that is indeed true. Their presence should affect you more than anyone else’s, looking at them right in the eye’s supposed to make those butterflies in your stomach a swirl, it’s supposed to make your eyes light up, brighter than usual. However, their absence shouldn’t affect the love you have for that person. Jimin thinks he’s got it, for the first time, he doesn’t argue with this uneasy feeling he’s been feeling lately. Just like how he doesn’t argue with Taehyung everytime Taehyung brings someone home after his usual round of drinks and freshman get-togethers (he’s not even supposed to be there, Taehyung’s a junior for heaven’s sake) but Jimin has never been one to argue. It’s just things that has to do with unnecessary feelings that he likes to argue again and again, as if it were for a thesis. Hell, you could give him a yellow sweater for Christmas and he wouldn’t even complain (he hates yellow). ‘Why are you even here at this hour?’ is the first thing Jimin says as soon as he sees Taehyung walking into their shared flat. Taehyung’s eyes are red and he hasn’t changed his clothes since the last time Jimin saw him. ‘I had to finish this damned assignment in the library all night,’ Taehyung replies as he kicks his shoes off and plops on the bed across from Jimin’s. ‘Alone?’ ‘Jungkook was there.’ It takes Taehyung ten seconds to muster up the courage to say it, he hasn’t said that name in months, even the mere sound of Jungkook’s name rolling down his lips feels foreign. ‘Oh,’ Jimin looks at Taehyung, for the first time in weeks (they’ve been busy with their own things, their own problems) and instead of looking like he’s been in war for ten years straight, Taehyung looks rather fine. Besides his blood shot eyes and messy hair, Taehyung doesn’t look like he might cry at the mention of Jungkooks’ name.

Although Jimin is completely aware that sometimes, hurting goes beyond what the eyes can see, for the first time in months, Taehyung seems fine.

‘How was it? Did you guys sort things over or?’ Jimin continues, though very cautiously. He learned that the last time he asked Taehyung about his relationship, only to be replied with an overly intoxicated Taehyung shouting at Jimin at the top of his lungs. Never again, Jimin thinks, except maybe, well, now.

‘Not exactly. But he said ‘hi’ first and asked me if I wanted to help him with the pictures for the recital program book,’ Taehyung’s looking at every corner of the room except at Jimin. It’s strange, Taehyung thinks, how easily feelings change.

‘Did you say yes?’ Jimin knows he did, after all, he’s known Taehyung for almost ten years, he’s practically his brother. And Taehyung will agree to this, at times, Jimin knows him more than he even knows himself. That goes a long way.

Taehyung raises his eyebrows, as if telling Jimin that yes, he did say yes. After all, as seasons change, so do feelings.

The rest of the afternoon is quiet; after the jarring conversation, Taehyung immediately dozes off to dreamland, leaving Jimin alone by the computer on the chair his ass has been spending most of the days on, working on that damn thesis . As if it’s a cue for Jimin, a sign from the heavens, a notification pops up on his phone, a text from Hoseok, his senior in his cognitive psychology class, in full caps lock.

MIN YOONGI’S GOING TO BECOME A GUEST PERFORMER IN THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT’S END-OF-YEAR RECITAL

Jimin doesn’t believe him, the idea seems too far-fetched, even for Hoseok. Could it really be him? The Min Yoongi that Jimin swears for his life has been a fan of ever since he debuted alongside a ballad singer. For the first time in months, Jimin wakes Taehyung up from his deep slumber.

‘Dude, you’re not going to believe it,’ he shakes Taehyung’s shoulders, trying to transfer all of his excitement on to Taehyung’s indifferent expression.

‘Shut up, I’m trying to sleep,’ is all Taehyung says as he moves his body further away to the opposite edge of his bed while at the same time shoving Jimin’s chair away.

‘Min Yoongi’s performing in your boyfriend’s end-of-year recital,’ Jimin throws Taehyung off the best way he can while at the same time proving to him that, yes, there is a chance for Jimin to finally meet the man he’s been dying to see live. To finally see him play. And the best part? For free. He just has to convince Taehyung to convince Jungkook to convince Junho, the head committee of this year’s music recital to give him a ticket. Simple.

‘He’s not my boyfriend anymore,’ Taehyung says softly, looking straight ahead at Jimin, ‘but I’ll try to ask, happy? Now let me sleep.’

Jimin doesn’t feel like taking a nap, not anymore, because for the first time in his life, he finally has a chance to see his idol live, someone he’s been looking up to for years, the person who taught him that even though he doesn’t have the passion to play, just listening to the sound of Yoongi’s music on the ivory keys makes his heart happier than usual.

Jimin doesn’t realize it’s almost 8 pm until he hears Taehyung across the room from him practicing his lines for his photography presentation tomorrow morning. He decides to not bother Taehyung, he really needs more practice and Jimin really needs food.

The walk to the campus cafe is quiet, deadlines are coming up, people are too busy to simply eat — but Jimin’s been there and he knows all too well that not eating will only be the death of him.

As soon as he reaches the cafe, he is greeted with the smell of cinnamon and nutmeg and a long queue of people waiting to get some food in their system. That’s Taehyung’s hoodie, Jimin realizes, it’s Jungkook in front of him with his music folder in his right hand and a guitar on his left.

‘Jungkook?’ Jimin taps his back, this is my only chance, he thinks.

‘Ah, hyung!’ Jungkook replies as he turns his back facing Jimin. Jungkook looks different, his hair isn’t as long anymore - now nicely cut. He looks much more taken care of since the last time Jimin met him and that was two months ago.

‘You good?’ contrary to popular beliefs, Jimin and Jungkook has never had anything going on between them. They were close, yes, but in a way that was more suitable to be called siblings rather than lovers.

Jungkook stops for a second, then says, ‘Never been better.’ It’s as if he’s trying to tell Jimin that him and Taehyung are working things out, don’t worry.

For the first time, Jimin believes it.

‘Good. That’s good. By the way,’ Jimin continues, contemplating if he even has the right to say, but he says it anyway, ‘I heard Min Yoongi’s the guest star of the music department’s end of year recital.’

‘Yeah,’ Jungkook knows how passionate Jimin is when it comes to a certain pianist.

‘So, um, this might sound weird but,’

‘You want an extra ticket? Taehyungie-hyung texted me,’ Jimin’s eyes lights up, half-glad that he doesn’t have to continue his already seemingly frivolous sentence and half-astonished that Taehyung cares to even inform Jungkook of the situation.

‘Look, if you don’t want to, it’s fine. I can go ask someone else to ask Junho.’ Jimin is lying. He has no one else to ask, he’s never had the chance to befriend a music student, always too preoccupied with analyzing people in general.

‘I’m the assistant of the head committee for the recital, I can get you one easily, it’s fine,’ Jungkook says, giving Jimin a reassuring smile.

‘You are? That’s amazing, thank you, a thousand times, thank you,’ Jimin hugs Jungkook tightly, Taehyung got himself a really good one this time around, he thinks.

‘Anytime, hyung,’ Jungkook replies as he rushes to the counter to order his food.

As soon as Jimin walks into his shared flat, he sees Taehyung and gives him a genuine smile, thanking him for the simple act he’s done today. Taehyung doesn’t know this, but in that moment (and his whole life) Jimin’s very thankful to have a bestfriend like him.

The day of the recital comes sooner than Jimin thought. Two weeks isn’t long enough to prepare for this occasion, but he doesn’t want to wait either. He bought a new outfit a week ago, a crisp white shirt and black pants, stating the obvious: he wants to look good in front of the great pianist. But Jimin won’t admit that, using the ‘it’s a recital, I gotta look nice’ excuse, which in Jimin’s defense, isn’t wrong either.

The hall is more crowded than usual, the last time Jimin was here, he was in the committee of the freshman’s honor programme. He sees Taehyung and walks over to him trying to get the best seat possible. Second row, right in the middle, perfect, Jimin thinks.

‘Before we begin, I’d like to remind you that students placed at the end of the recital program have worked just as hard to prepare their performances as have students placed at the start. I would ask that you remain until the end of the program to ensure that all of these wonderful students experience the supportive and full audience that they deserve. And now we’re ready to begin!’ Junho, who looks ravishing and significantly different from how he usually dresses, announces as the light starts to dim. Tonight will surely be something.

‘Apparently, Min Yoongi’s performing two songs,’ Jimin hears Taehyung whisper to him, giving a slight nod of reassurance.

Jimin nods as a reply.

Min Yoongi is performing last, much like the final bow, the grand gesture. Jimin fiddles with the program book in his hand, trying to contain every bit of excitement in him.

‘Thank you students, parents, and other guests. As our closing, we will have Min Yoongi, one of South Korea’s greatest pianist to perform two of his songs from his newly released album, Things That Withers and Things That Blossoms. Give a warm welcome to the star of tonight’s show, Min Yoongi!’

As the light dims down, walks in Min Yoongi in all his glory, dressed simply in a black suit with his black hair slightly messy, he’s breathtaking, in an almost clean-cut and slightly intimidating kind of way. Although, with those almond shaped eyes and a cute button nose, he looks slightly less brooding. Yet his aura and charisma says otherwise, in short, Jimin is taken aback. Both with his beauty and the way he presents himself on stage.

‘Hello, I’m Min Yoongi. Now, before I start playing, let me give you a very brief introduction to my newest album. I’m very aware that a lot of people in this crowd don’t really care for it, but I’m sure some of you might want to know since I’ve received a few requests on my social media page last night regarding a short commentary before I start playing, so here it is.’ He pauses for a moment, as if trying to find someone in the crowd and fails in doing so, Jimin notices this and looks around the room. But nobody is looking at Yoongi with the kind of familiarity someone should.

‘So, my new album, Things That Withers and Things That Blossoms is loosely based on life experiences of people that I know and of course from my own,’ he stops midway and looks at the crowd, this time, he’s not looking for anyone, then continues, ‘when I was in university, as a music student, I never got time to really take care of myself, I’m sure a lot of people in the room might relate to this,’ the crowd gives a faint chuckle, ‘and that led to me never really getting into relationships. And that went on to senior year until I met someone, who at first glance, might not look like someone who’d date a measly music student. But we dated, and for a long time. But things led to other things, and he went away, I can’t really call it ‘our separate ways’ because I never really went ... away.’

Jimin exhales deeply, taken off guard by how vulnerable he is on stage, how easy it is for him to strip himself naked emotionally and show the crowd his personal stories, ‘For a long time, I was very much overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do and what to say, because quite frankly, that person pretty much took care of me. But I had to grow up and graduation was around the corner at that time and I couldn’t slack off. So I went along and pretty much numbed myself of the unfamiliar feeling I had. So I guess I never really took time to heal. And that is for me, very important. You have to let yourself heal. Anyways, a few years after, we met again. This time, that person was married, we met at the grocery store and he was with two of his children and his wife. I mean, I couldn’t really say anything so I just greeted them, went to my apartment and immediately wrote this song. It’s called ‘When I Knew I Still Loved You’.’

Jimin’s eyes are teary as he looks at Taehyung who’s too busy whispering to Jungkook, talking about god knows what. Then Yoongi starts playing, the song is soft and almost, in a way, sounds nostalgic. The kind of sound you’d hear in your head if you saw an old love walking past you in the street, the kind of sound you’d hear if you came to your ex's wedding with the scars still fresh, it was melancholic.

‘A few months after, believe it or not, I met that person again. This time, it was at a party. You’d think at this point that we’re just an over-complexified version of soulmates but … he looked really happy? And I couldn’t dare to ruin that for him, for his wife, and for his children. So I just sat there, two tables away, and I thought to myself, ‘just because it ended, doesn’t mean it wasn’t beautiful.’ I think love can be manifested into different kinds of love’. So I wrote this song, and it’s called, ‘When You Don’t Make Me Smile Anymore.’

As Min Yoongi starts playing, Jimin notices the different tones of this song. It’s much livelier, soothing and almost reassuring; the kind of music you’d hear if you’re trying to heal. The kind of music you’d want to listen to if you’re trying to put all your bones back together. And again, it is beautiful, Jimin thinks.

As he presses the last ivory key on the piano, the crowd cheers, the light turns on and he bows. Jimin fixes himself on his seat, mouth slightly ajar with Taehyung chuckling next to him.

‘Hyung,’ Jungkook goes near Jimin and whispers to him over Taehyung.

‘Yeah?’

‘You want to go backstage?’

Jimin pauses, not knowing what to say. ‘You sure? wait, why?’

‘Because you’re a fan? We asked him if he was willing for a personal meet up and he said yes, so, um, just go meet Junho and he’ll lead you to the waiting room he’s at,’ is all Jungkook says as he focuses his attention back to Taehyung who at this point is too busy taking pictures of the recital guests.

Jimin walks to the waiting room with Junho by his side telling him to liven up, after all, he’s been waiting for this moment since his senior year in high school. As he reaches the waiting room door with Min Yoongi’s name plastered on, Jimin halts. He doesn’t like the way he’s feeling - the uncertainty of how Yoongi will act without cameras around scares the shit out of him.

Then Junho knocks.

‘Come in,’ is the only sound that comes out from the other side of the door.

Min Yoongi is sitting alone, on the farthest end of the black couch across from the door. His suit jacket is off as he stands up and greets the already overly-excited Jimin. None of them are saying anything as Junho leaves, the faint sound of the crowd outside is slowly disappearing. Jimin won’t admit it, but seeing Yoongi up close for the first time in his life isn’t making his already unstable breath any more stabler. It’s not making the butterflies in his stomach to stop fluttering either; Jimin feels like he’s eighteen again, watching Min Yoongi’s performance for the first time in TV, trying to keep every bit of emotion inside of him yet only failing in doing so.

‘I’m Park Jimin. It’s so great to meet you. Thank you for the, um, this?’ Is all Jimin can muster up while looking at everything in the room except at Yoongi.

‘No problem. Junho told me that you’re a big fan, so I thought why not?’ His voice without the mic is lower, much, much lower. And Jimin’s catapulting inside.

‘Do you mind if we take a picture?’ Jimin’s smile is so bright that Yoongi doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until Jimin moves further away from him after the picture.

It’s close to midnight and for some unknown reason, with Yoongi’s sudden flash of kindness and maybe, just maybe, a bit of bravery, he suddenly says to the awkwardly standing Jimin, ‘Want to grab some beer?’

All Jimin can do is nod. It’s not everyday a guy like Min Yoongi invites him for a drink.

The walk to the nearest bar is quiet. Jimin, dressed warmly in his padded jacket is walking next to the humming Min Yoongi. He doesn’t really know why this all is happening and how. But Jimin doesn’t question good things that happen to him and this might just be the best thing that has happened to him in a long time, well, besides getting accepted in university but that’s a different story.

‘When did you find out about me?’ Yoongi looks at Jimin. And he realizes just how beautiful he is. Jimin’s hair is quite frizzy from the cold, his cheeks are almost like blush wine but only can be seen faintly through the lamp post of the walkway, and he hasn’t stopped smiling ever since they left the waiting room.

‘Um,’ Jimin stops and faces Yoongi, trying to think of the correct thing to say, ‘when you performed with Seo In Na in MMA.’ Jimin was eighteen at the time, still very much playing piano but still hadn’t found any passion for it, but all his mother wanted was for him to play and the only thing that could give Jimin even a hint of excitement was the sound of Min Yoongi playing the piano. Maybe, that was it.

‘I just debuted like a month, at the time,’ Yoongi purses his lips and nods, Jimin finds it endearing. Like that’s all he wants to see his whole life.

The bar is packed with university students and Yoongi feels out of place. Jimin leads them both to the only two seating table that’s available, with people greeting him at times and him only replying with a big smile and a nod. Yoongi finds this immeasurably familiar, the kind of familiar you’d see if you met an ex lover in your next life.

‘Is this table okay?’

‘Perfect,’ Yoongi replies with a nod and Jimin thinks he will never get used to it.

Late January, 2016

Jimin sits patiently outside of the unfamiliar studio he is at. He was planning to wait outside, being somewhere he’s not familiar with just doesn’t sit right with him, but it’s freezing and the only thing covering him is the brown coat he received for Christmas last year. His hands are in his pocket and his face is almost fully covered with the wool scarf Taehyung gave him two days ago with the note, ‘your late Christmas gift. You’re welcome.’

‘Hey,’ the familiar sound Jimin never gets tired of suddenly appears in front of him. His hair messy from the evident stress being in the studio has given him, but his smirk is still very much there, sending shivers down Jimin’s spine.

‘You’re done?’ Jimin looks up from his phone.

‘Yes. Let me go grab my jacket. Do you want a padded one too? I don’t think that coat will do,’ Yoongi goes back in his studio, continued with the sound of ruffles and an occasional ‘fuck’. He comes back out with a padded jacket on and another on his hand, shoving it to Jimin.

They are sitting on the farthest end of the sushi bar, Yoongi’s eating without any sound coming out and Jimin is looking at him. He’s used to this, he really is. But what Taehyung said a few nights ago is ringing in his head, ‘don’t sell yourself short of love.’

Jimin doesn’t love Yoongi. At least not yet. It’s only been a month and a half since he’s known Yoongi, they’re not even dating, but the mere thought of Yoongi and someone else just doesn’t seem right to Jimin. But he shakes that thought away, after all, he’s merely an (almost) graduating Psychology student - he’s not supposed to fuss over things that doesn’t matter. But the more he shakes that thought away, the more it comes back.

May, 2016

‘Babe,’ Yoongi says over the phone. He’s laying on his hotel bedroom, a wine glass filled with Chardonnay is sitting nicely on the table next to him.

‘Yeah?’ Jimin replies from the other end of the line.

‘Fuck, wrong number,’ Yoongi curses over and over again inside. He blames his stupid mistake on the two glasses of wine he’s had. Yoongi hears more chatters, it’s busy where Jimin is at, which confuses Yoongi for a few seconds; he hasn’t gotten the hang of time zones.

‘I’m busy,’ Jimin doesn’t want to interfere, he won’t budge. If Yoongi won’t tell him, then it probably isn’t his right to know anyway, no matter how hard it is to keep himself from being brutally honest. Jimin doesn’t like to argue. Especially with Yoongi.

‘Sorry, I’m just ... I thought you were someone else.’

‘Is everything alright?’

No, Yoongi says to himself. Nothing has been feeling alright for weeks.

‘Yes. Perfect. Stream my performance tomorrow, okay?’

Jimin exhales deeply, he didn’t study psychology for four years to not spot Yoongi’s lie for the almost countless of times. But if there’s anything Jimin wants to say, he doesn’t say it, because the phone has just cut off. Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Jimin thinks.

June, 2016

Jimin is at Yoongi’s studio, he’s familiar with every corner of it by now. He didn’t think it was a good idea to come considering Yoongi came over to his flat the night before, intoxicated beyond measures. But he comes anyway, in hopes that even though Yoongi remembers some bits of that night, he won’t bring it up.

But he does.

‘Sorry about last night.’

‘You always come by my flat anyway, chill,’ Jimin doesn’t look at him, instead, he’s focusing on Yoongi’s keyboard, plopped on his wooden table.

‘I’m not sorry about that, though,’ Yoongi says almost too softly.

‘So what are you sorry about?’ He’s just dragging this on, scared to know what comes next. I don’t want you to be sorry, there’s nothing to be sorry about.

‘I’m sorry that I kissed you,’ but Yoongi’s sorry. And Yoongi doesn’t lie.

‘But I’m not,’ it’s fine, really, Jimin thinks. But all he wants to do right now is kiss the living shit out Yoongi with neither of them being sorry for it.

But even the thought of it seems too far-fetched.

August, 2016

Jimin calls Yoongi at 3:45 in the morning, he’s deeply intoxicated but Yoongi’s in Prague for a concert. And even though it is 7:45 in Prague and Yoongi’s about to start his concert, he picks the phone up anyway.

‘You okay there, buddy?’

‘Me? I’m great, thanks for asking. Can you pick me up?’ Jimin’s voice is slurred, barely audible from the loud background music of whatever club he’s at.

‘Jimin, I’m in Prague. Did you forget?’ Yoongi chuckles and even though Jimin can barely walk, the sound of Yoongi’s deep laugh sends shivers down his spine.

‘Ah. Sorry about that,’ Yoongi’s never there.

‘Make Taehyung pick you up.’

‘Taehyung. Right. Someone who actually cares,’ but before Yoongi can say anything, Jimin ends the call.

October, 2016

‘How did you two become close anyway?’ Jungkook asks over the phone. Jimin called his apartment thinking that he’d find Taehyung, but he’s out for work and Jungkook seems to be the only one available for one of Jimin’s vents.

‘The night of the recital, we went to grab a drink. Maybe we wanted to see each other more but not enough?’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Some teeny bopper love story of a one-sided love, Jungkook,’ Jimin thinks it’s funny, but Jungkook doesn’t think so. Love isn’t meant to be described that way, love isn’t as simple as a movie. But Jungkook is better at leaving things unsaid, especially with Jimin.

‘You sure you’re okay?’

‘Never been better,’ but looking at the 2 bottles of soju next to him, it doesn’t look like he’s even near being fine. Not at all.

December, 2016

Jimin hasn’t talked to Yoongi for a month and a half. None of them has even tried to fix whatever mess they had created, in hopes that over time, things will go back to how it’s always been.

Are u busy?

The notification scares Jimin for a (few) seconds.

No. Why?

It takes twenty minutes for Yoongi to reply. But those twenty minutes feels like a long, long stretch of time.

Down for coffee?

Yes.

No.

Jimin tries to act as nonchalant, it’s time for him to move on. Falling in love with a musician who actually knows you exist has quite the same effect as falling in love with a musician who doesn’t… at least for Jimin.

Alright.

Jimin leaves Yoongi on read.

July, 2017

‘There’s someone on the phone for you,’ Jimin changed his number two months ago, something along the lines of a new beginning and a new iPhone he purchased only recently.

‘Who?’

‘He didn’t tell,’ Soojung, Jimin’s newly-hired receptionist whispers, covering the speaker end of the phone.

‘Alright. Thanks,’ Jimin gives her a smile and takes the call.

He doesn’t expect anything at first. Thinking that it’s one of his university buddies trying to get in touch. But the deep cough and the then familiar, ‘hello?’ throws Jimin off.

‘H-hello?’ Jimin can barely say anything. But his eyes are wet and he doesn’t know why.

‘Jimin?’

‘Yeah?’ Jimin can barely breathe.

‘Can we talk?’

No.

‘Yes.’

So Jimin picks up his things and goes to the coffee shop near Yoongi’s studio. Maybe now things will get better.

But things don’t get better.

Because instead of putting things back together, Yoongi’s whole intent of the meet up is to announce the inevitable proposal of marriage, of course not to Jimin. Of course. Jimin should have known.

‘You what?’

‘I’m going to propose,’ his nonchalant tone isn’t helping Jimin to cope with this situation. Who would’ve thought that a couple of months would change things this much?

‘Propose? To who?’

‘Junho,’ the name comes out of Yoongi’s mouth so easily, as if he’s been saying his name all his life. And Jimin doesn’t like, he doesn’t like it one bit. But when it comes to Yoongi, there’s no bone in Jimin’s body that’d argue with him.

‘Junho? Kim Junho?’ But this isn’t how it’s supposed to go.

‘Yeah, sorry I never told you. I was going to tell you last December but you—‘

‘Since when?’ Jimin’s voice is soft now, too soft for Yoongi to find any hint of disappointment.

‘Last November.’

Jimin takes another sip of his bitter Americano. When he finally musters up the courage to speak up, Yoongi hands him a cd. It’s plain white and on it, written with a black sharpie: For Junho.

‘I wrote him a song,’ and I’ve loved you for two years, so what?

‘I’m sure he’ll love it,’ Yoongi relaxes in his chair, his hair is shorter now, Jimin realizes, still as messy, but there’s a hint of change on his face. Jimin can’t seem to point out what it is.

‘I’ll send it to you once he hears it.’

‘No. Please don’t do that. Keep it between the two of you.’

‘But you’re my biggest fan,’ Jimin doesn’t want to admit it, but Yoongi owes him so much more than that. So, so much more.

December 2nd, 2017

Jimin doesn’t remember the last time he’s even seen Yoongi’s face. His wedding invitation came in the mail yesterday, sent in a pearl white envelope, with Yoongi and Junho’s name engraved on it. He still hasn’t opened it, thinking of an excuse to not come to Yoongi’s wedding.

Is yoongi really getting married?

This time Taehyung texts him.

Yep. Inv came in the mail yesterday.

What Taehyung says next throws Yoongi all the way back to his university days.

You never told him?

Told him what?

Jimin knows what’s coming next. In all honesty, his love for Yoongi all these years was just a deconstructed form of skinny love. Of things that’s left unsaid.

That you loved him. Love.

Taehyung doesn’t know anything, Jimin thinks. Though deep down Jimin knows he probably knows him more than anyone else.

Jimin leaves Taehyung on read.

December 20th, 2017

Jimin cares about Yoongi, he really does. And he doubts that it will change. But Jimin also likes to think that things have changed so much between them that this love he has for Yoongi isn’t the same love he’s felt for Yoongi months and months ago.

The only two people Jimin knows in the wedding party are Jungkook and Taehyung; sitting nicely in a round table near the entrance door, they wave at Jimin. Jimin comes over.

‘Hang in there,’ Taehyung whispers and pats Jimin’s back.

‘I’ll be okay, bud.’ Jimin thinks he might cry. Taehyung notices and pats his back once more. Jungkook squeezes Jimin’s hand, reassuring him that things will be okay. The first time Jimin meets a married Yoongi is in the bathroom. Yoongi looks overwhelmed but so, so happy. Jimin is happy that things are going together for Yoongi. Even if those things might have taken a bit of heartbreak and disappointment on Jimin’s part. ‘Congratulations, hyung,’ this time, Jimin means it with all his heart. ‘Thank you,’ he says with his usual gummy smile. Along with things that wither, you are growing now, hyung.

June, 2018

Lang Leav once written a poem about change. Again, it is short, isn’t comprised of fancy words that Jimin finds hard to understand. But in it, as many other forms of poetry, Jimin finds reassurance.

And the weather was so damn sick of being predictable; I heard it began snowing in the Sahara and I wanted to tell you that I’ve changed.

‘It’s perfect,’ Jimin says holding the sky blue album cover. When We Grow, is written in black with a sharpie font in Yoongi’s hand writing.

‘You’re one of the dedication,’ and Jimin will admit this: for the first time, he wishes he isn’t.

‘Thank you, for everything.’’ Jimin smiles back at him.

‘You too, Jimin. Thanks for being there,’ Yoongi pats Jimin’s hand, giving him a nod.

Maybe in another world, Jimin has moved on. Although he hasn’t, Jimin likes to think that it’s okay. Living proof that yes, he’s fallen in love and although things aren’t okay now, it sure will be.

Track 4: The Way We Grow

To Jimin, you are undeniably my biggest fan. Hang in there, bud.

#yoonmin fanfiction #yoonmin angst #yoonmin #taekook #taeguk #BTS jimin #BTS suga #bts fanfiction #bts angst #bts v #bts jungkook #bts hoseok #taehyung #jungkook #min yoongi #yoongi angst #yoongi pianist #pianist au #bts

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tea-books-rain · 6 years

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Book Review: A Beautiful Composition of Broken by R.H. Sin

Warning: I hated this book. I go after it really hard Inserting a read-more just for length.

I’m going to start this review with an excerpt. Two excerpts, actually. I couldn't decide which was more... erm... appropriate. You'll see.

From page 77:

The Tights You Wear.

wrapped around both thighs black hues and heather grays beginning at the waist ending just at the ankles forcing me to pay homage to your curves

From page 299:

6:16p.m.:

utilizing my tongue as a stress reliever pressing pressure points creating a climax provoking pleasure with ease opening you right up because my tongue is the key

-- This was, without a doubt, the worst collection of poetry I have ever beheld in my entire life. I feel like I could exfoliate with steel wool in the shower and I still wouldn't be rid of the absolute creepiness I've been exposed to within these pages. It is vile. It is demeaning. It is derogatory. It is falsely feminizing, toxicly masculine, and the attention-mongering is real. I have a lot to say about it.

A single moment of disclosure, I didn't actually finish this book. It's 461 pages long. I threw up the white flag of surrender on page 300. I couldn't take another page. I'll explain more in a bit.

Before I get into my full lambasting, however, I do want to say something nice about this book. I genuinely appreciate seeing a male poet so ready to embrace the idea of writing about love and about how it's OK to want love and to want a relationship, instead of just an OKCupid hookup or whatever. That was a nice, refreshing sentiment. If you aren't super-rooted in third-wave feminism (which I admittedly am, and which we'll also get into), you'll probably think this book is amazing. It offers just enough love, enough longing for respect, etc, to be good.

Another positive I want to say about this book is that some of the poems are legitimately good. There are plenty of redeemable poems that have nothing wrong, weird, or unhealthy in them. I'd say 25% of them are fantastic, normal, solid poems with good ideas and thoughts. I was drawing little hearts next to them. In fact, this book is so long enough that if they were collected up and all of the crappy, chauvinistic, toxic poems were removed, he still would have been able to publish a book, it'd just be more like a regularly sized poetry book instead of this insane tome.

That said, the good poems in this book are surrounded by so many poems that are - for lack of better phrasing - complete and utter bullshit, I couldn't take the good poems seriously. For example, there was a very nice poem about how R.H. Sin likes to get to know a girl's mind before he touches her body. This is well and good. It's a valid sentiment. However, it comes in at about page 250. The leggings poem listed above is on page 77. If what you're wearing to walk down the street means he can whistle at you, then what really comes first? What does he really care about?

So for me, the positive sides weren't enough to redeem this collection. I don't even know where to start with my issues regarding this work. I think I'm going to list them out and then elaborate one by one, just so I personally don't get lost ranting. I highly disliked how Sin paraded around like he was one of the feminists but he clearly isn't, I didn't like the whiplash from one poem to the next, the sheer amount of contradictions within the messages he's trying to bring forward, the toxic masculinity so clearly made evident, and the way he views love in general.

I think I'm going to tackle the love issue first, actually. This might have been what bothered me the most. R.H. Sin's idea of how love works, according to this book, is that it only has to do with being earned. If you just work hard enough, if you throw enough flowers at a pretty-lookin girl, if you just say the right words and put in the elbow grease, everything will be dandy. Then, when that's not how love works, he gets incredibly frustrated and blames it on the girl who left him. He sulks like a 5 year old who had a toy taken away, bemoaning that he loved her so hard and she didn't care about him at all and she never deserved him and blahblahblah. It eventually devolves into saying "well I don't care about anyone" (which we'll get into under the toxic masculinity section), before the entire process repeats itself again and again and again. About every 10-15 pages, it repeats. By page 300, he still hadn't learned what was going wrong here.

And I'm not saying that love doesn't require work, ok? It does. Being in a relationship means making decisions for 2, taking another person into account, worrying about them, checking in with them, etc. But being in love is also something relatively mundane. It's thinking someone is cute. It's having similar interests, a general respect for them, a general attraction. Within the poems presented here, I highly doubt R.H. Sin understands that. He genuinely seems confused that a woman might arbitrarily not be into him simply because she's not into him. He writes about women is like they're just prizes to be won over.

I think this ties into the toxic masculinity theme, so I'm going to dive into that next. This part isn't so obvious. R.H. Sin is definitely pretending like he's third-wave. He says all the magic words: he uses "women" and "warrior" in the same sentence multiple times, he has a whole poem using the word independence, he says women are strong, he even has a poem that says, "I hate this idea of a woman being silent."

But don't be fooled by the catch-phrases, kiddos! He's faking. If you read the excerpt at the beginning of this review, by page 77 you're already gonna know he clearly thinks that the decision to wear leggings is an open invitation for him to check you out on the sidewalk. If you choose not to like him, then you're just not good enough for him anyway and you never deserved his love. By the 200s, he's going to admit flat-out he knows women are silent because they're done with your shit--but he already said he hates it when women were quiet.

As if that's not contradictory enough, he starts gaslighting with his poems. He says he doesn't like silent women, but then he writes a poem "you don't have to explain why you left to the person who made you leave." He says you're allowed to leave anyone, but if you leave him, then you never meant anything. It's nonsense. It's infantile.

And that brings me to my main point of the toxic masculinity: R.H. Sin didn't admit a single fault about himself in all of the 300 pages I slogged through. Every. Single. Time. something went wrong, the finger was pointed at someone else. It was always that someone didn't love him enough, that they didn't understand him, that they wanted to leave, that they decided to choose Mr. Wrong over him, etc. Even people who had criticized his poetry meant nothing to him and were just jealous. He was completely and utterly incapable of sitting back, critically thinking through a situation, and admitting that he had any sort of flaw in his behavior or his logic.

As another example, there's a poem on page 160 that says, "I've come to the realization that loving a woman means making an effort to make her smile at all times." This is a terrible, terrible idea. Love is so much more than smiles. Trying to make someone happy 24/7 is the perfect basis for a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. Does he get this? No. By page 219 he's saying "trying and trying is something that i'll no longer do. loving you until i realize that it'll change nothing. these things take time and i'm patient." No, you literally just don't understand what love is and you're glamorizing an unhealthy relationship dynamic, then having the audacity to turn around and behave like this act of self-sacrifice somehow earns you brownie points. It doesn't.

Anyway, I think that covers all of my major points. As a final note, I do have to say I thoroughly enjoyed ripping this book to pieces. I'm a firm believer in annotations and dog ears. This book looks more loved than my copy of Milk and Honey, which I've read... six times, I believe? Which is not bad considering I literally didn't even finish this book. My Snapchat story is littered with sassy annotations I added to the pages. My love interest, who doesn't even believe in annotations, was begging me to add further commentary and thoroughly joining in on the rampage against the godawful poetry and the godawful ideas R.H. Sin presents in this book. It was decidedly much more fun that if I'd actually spent the day reading a poetry book I enjoyed. In fact, if you want to get some thorough stress-relief by way of ranting about bad ideas of love, I'd solidly recommend this book. It's great for that.

Other than that, yeah, it's a really crappy book. My sincere apologies for whoever gets my copy after I get rid of it, both because the book sucks and my annotations surely do not improve on the theme. Yeah.

#book review #rhsin #a beautiful composition of broken #rh sin #poetry #booklr #bookblr

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