#and all the work i've done in the queer and trans community

[catgirl-kaiju]

something worth pointing out in the case of Tumblr CEO @photomatt 's statement regarding predstrogen is the very clear side stepping of the conversation being had. the ask he chose to respond to as part of his statement was asking about tumblr's transmisogyny problem, and what he is commenting on is tumblr's transphobia problem.

transmisogyny is certainly related to transphobia, but the two are not the same. i've seen plenty of trans folks who are guilty of transmisogyny and have even been harassed by such individuals on this very website. he repeatedly refers to transphobia and accusations of tumblr staff being transphobes throughout the statement, but never once brings up transmisogyny. perhaps he is unfamiliar with the term, but he could look it up and read up on it before responding to a question directly asking about it. he is very clearly not doing his due diligence in addressing these concerns.

he mentions tumblr having "LGBT+ including trans people on staff," but this is not especially helpful in assessing tumblr's transmisogyny problem. based on this we don't know how many trans people, whether or not there any transfem or TMA folks (who might understand the nature of transmisogyny better than TME people) on staff, what positions these queer people hold in the company, or whether or not any of tumblr's queer employees are on the moderation team. and it's understandable why some of these specifics are left out; you don't want to put any staff members in danger of being doxxed or harassed, especially if they're vulnerable marginalized people. however, it seems to me a gross oversight to not mention if there are any trans folks working on the moderation team.

i think it's also a huge misstep to focus on predstrogen so singularly when the conversation about her account being nuked is part of a larger conversation about transmisogyny. what this reveals, too, is transmisogyny playing an active role in the decision to ban her for life. one of the aspects of transmisogyny is viewing transfem folks as especially and uniquely dangerous. i'd like @photomatt to ask himself if he would have taken "threats" like the one cited as seriously if they came from a cis person or a TME trans person. really reflect on that, Matt. i also put "threat" in scare quotes here because, frankly, it's pretty clear that said comment is a cartoonish and outlandish example of violence used to demonstrate that the intent to harm is not literal. i do this all the time both on here and in real life. telling a friend i'm going to "maul them to death" over a minor annoyance is a comedic way of expressing frustration in a way that communicates it's not actually a big deal. saying something like "i want them to explode after falling down the stairs when trying to evade a falling piano full of knives" about a public figure or someone who is negatively affecting your life works as a way of demonstrating the intensity of your feelings while not veering into territory where it sounds like you're literally planning an assassination attempt. if you're reading this, Matt, i hope you can begin to understand the difference between something like:

and a real actual harassment, like:

y'know, all actual comments and posts i've received on this website, and reported with detailed explanations for why i'm reporting them but never heard back from the moderation team about the situation. i have no idea if anything was ever done about any of these people sending me bigoted violent messages because no one ever does follow-up. the only time i've ever received follow-up on a report was when i reported an account for promoting self-harm in the form of anorexia. that's it. one time in the over a decade i've been on this website.

how does all of this sit with you, Matt?

[tranzjen]

🐸 3 days until my surgery 🐸

(Picture taken March 17, 2024)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 8 below the cut.

Part 1 here

Yesterday we ended off right before my Facial Feminization Surgery.

I have pictures of the first few weeks of recovery after FFS but they are not pretty!! But I'll show you all just so you can see the recovery process. So cw for swelling and visible scarring

(Pictures taken between February 20 through March 4th of 2024)

Yeah one eye was swollen shut and I'm trying to smile in all the pictures but couldn't 😅 Recovery was pretty tried so I slept most of the time and just watched TV for the first week or so lol.

Honestly there wasn't a big difference. Like when I went back to work, I'm sure that most people didn't even realize I had work done to my face. But I didn't do it for them. Before the surgery I had a really hard time not obsessing over certain dysphoric traits so it's quite a relief to get rid of them 🥰

(Picture taken March 17, 2024)

The one big long term side effect my eyes point in different directions when I look in a certain angle 😬 The surgeon and other doctors I've seen about it were surprised so my big takeaway and unforeseen consequences is a cost of surgery. And despite that, I don't regret it 😤

(Picture taken April 28, 2024)

The other big update for this era was I joined the board for the queer nonprofit I mentioned before! One of our big new projects I'm helping with is taking an empty lot and abandoned home and turn them into a community garden and transitional home 🌱

(Picture taken May 12, 2024)

And now we're up to date!! I do have some small ideas for my last two countdown posts so don't worry I'll be back tomorrow with some pictures 😁

Next part here

[elkian]

I've seen a lot of takes about the Hbomb video - here's a link; he's also done some similar works criticizing Allen Wakefield (accidentally instigated the prime anti-vax movement while trying to scam people) and Tommy Tallerico (similar vein to The Video, of plagiarism/credit theft).

I've also enjoyed some of his teardown videos, but my real favorites are his Why FNV Is Genius (and Here's Why) and Pathologic Is Genius (And Here's Why), which lead me to buying and playing (some of) Pathologic 2.

One thing worthy of note is that he specifically requests that nobody start a witch hunt over the subjects of his videos. He is an opinionated person and his righteous indignation is very entertaining, but I've never seen him seriously suggest people harass any real human beings. Suggestions to do so after watching the video have been made by the viewers and are explicitly condemned by Hbomb himself in the video. Just saying.

But more to the point is how he ends the video: he decides to cap it off with a reel of suggested viewing for people who create the kinds of things Somerton allegedly made himself, focusing on queer creators.

Here's the playlist linked in the video description:

I don't doubt other people have shared this already, but it hasn't crossed my dash, so I thought I'd give it a mention. It's a really nice way to end a video that, while focusing on informing the viewers and warning people of potential scammers essentially, does have a negative tone at times because he is, well, tearing into someone's monumental career of plagiarism.

The playlist links to videos by Alexander Avila (who was himself plagiarized by Somerton), Matt Baume, Lady Emily, verilybitchie, RickiHirsh, Shanspeare, Khadija Mbowe, hazel, Herby Revolus, Maggie Mae Fish, Kaz Rowe, Kat Blaque, Lily Alexandre, max teeth, drapetomania, Kameno -o, Lola Sebastian, Princess Weekers, CJ The X, Jennie Geist, Mia Mulder, Nick DiRamio, Sarah Z, Rowan Ellis, and finally Maven of the Eventide.

(I have chosen to spare my wrists and sanity by not hyperlinking those names because the playlist is literally right there.)

Fun facts: this list, which apparently also has nonbinary and trans artists on it, contains 0 names I am already familiar with. I don't spend a lot of time on Youtube outside of very specific needs, but this still makes for a good opportunity for me to familiarize myself with work from others in the community.

Anyways, I just think that's an extremely cool way to end a four-hour-video that, while extremely entertaining, is a bit of a down to watch and realize how easily extremely unmotivated people are stealing others' work and making bank off of it. That's all I had to say, goodnight.

[fixing-bad-posts]

Heya, I really really hope this doesn't come off as particularly rude, but I was wondering, why would bisexual women be considered lesbians sometimes and I think you also brought up transgender men and genderqueer ppl? For bisexual women, I just am kinda confused, they can be in lesbian relationships and lesbian spaces, but just describing them as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction at least from where I've always heard it, so wouldn't it be kinda confusing. And for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn't that just bring their genders closer to feminine and at least from what I've heard from some pple I know, they don't like non binary being seen as more womanly (I've heard it being described as woman-lite before annoying) and instead seen as a more inbetween which it sometimes isn't, because of bigotry and other things since nbs can be both fem or masc or androgynous, but wouldn't non woman lesbians kinda push it to be seen as kinda more fem or that person as more fem? I don't know and frankly I'm just kinda confused. I'm really really sorry that this probably comes off as super rude and I hope you forgive me. I frankly just want to learn a little more and have been reading up but wanted to know what you thought. And I just realized how long this was, so so sorry

hello anon! these days, i usually don’t answer asks like these because i’ve already done so several times, but you seem very well-meaning and confused, so i’ll do my best to help. first of all, please check my faq for resources and links about mspec labels and bi lesbians.

second of all—generally—here is my advice for when you encounter a queer label that confuses you:

1) literally just ignore it until you...

2) meet someone in your life who uses that label, at which point you might (respectfully) ask them what using that label means to them specifically, and why it’s important. i’ve done this in real life. the script is something like,

“it’s really cool to get to talk to someone in real life about this stuff—if i may ask, what does identifying as [insert label] mean to you, personally?”

you might also say,

“i’ve never met someone who identifies with [their label] before. would you mind giving me some pointers on the important things to keep in mind in order to respect your identity/make sure you feel respected by me?”

i’ve also never asked anyone to correct me if i mess up and say something rude, but i’m working on the confidence and charisma to be able to say that, because i owe that to others.

all of that said, i wanted to respond to some of your specific questions, and clarify a couple of things below the cut. to clarify:

1. “describing [bisexual women] as lesbians seems kinda confusing because lesbian denotes specifically sapphic attraction”. to be clear i am not the one describing bisexual women as lesbians, in this hypothetical situation. when i post about bi-lesbians, i am posting in support of people who—for whatever reason—chose that label for themselves. what i am not doing: advocating to redefine the classically understood definition of lesbian for the entire populous.

2. “wouldn’t it be kinda confusing”? yes! i understand it can be confusing, and i commend you for expressing your confusion instead of reacting in disgust or anger. there are so many things in the queer community that are confusing, even to me, and you don’t need to feel guilty for asking questions as long as you come from a place of genuine curiosity. being confused isn’t bad, and defining yourself in a way that confuses others is, likewise, no transgression.

3. “for the genderqueer folks or trans folks, wouldn’t [identifying as a lesbian] just bring their genders closer to feminine […] wouldn’t non woman lesbians […] be seen as kinda more fem”? the answer is: sort of. it depends entirely on how and why the person using this label came to these words. you wrote, “i’ve heard from some pple i know, they don’t like non binary being seen as more womanly”, and i have definitely also heard that! so, for people who feel that way, they probably wouldn’t want a label that evokes womanhood and/or aligns them with femininity assigned to them. but every person is different—so for some nonbinary people, they absolutely do not want to be seen as “woman-lite”, whereas for other nonbinary people, they might want to be seen closer to femme than masc, while still nonbinary. this goes back to what i said at the beginning: best practice is to ask the people in your life how they want you to respect them.

closing thoughts: i hope this clarified some things, but i understand that the topic may still be confusing—feel free to message me if you want a non-judgmental queer to talk things through with. i promise i’ll take you in good faith <3

[strawberryblondebutch]

So I read Britta Curl's apology.

Emphasis on read, because no way in hell am I listening to that whole thing with my shitty auditory processing. So please acknowledge that this means I'm potentially missing out on tonal cues and body language.

I don't think she's changed. A good apology recognizes what you've done wrong and how you'll improve in the future. She seems to think that her posts are the problem, not the beliefs that motivated said posts. Her improvement plan is to "grow in humility, and grow in love." I'm not sure where most marginalized groups would rank that in their restorative justice plans.

Even if the apology's content is lackluster, the fact it exists is good. That Curl felt she needed to say something, for her own and the league's reputation, means she knows that eyes are on her. There are degrees of harm in public figures. Among baseball players, you can trace a line down from Curt Schilling (actual Breitbart personality) to Jason Adam (refused to wear a pride cap in a game) to Brad Hand (likes Trump tweets on Twitter in silence). I have no respect for the beliefs Hand's social media activity suggests that he has, but he's not saying on the record that being gay is a bad lifestyle choice, nor is he tweeting about how awesome that Capitol riot was. My personal respect may be nonexistent, but Hand's actions are less directly harmful.

I would love if Britta Curl changed her beliefs. I don't engage in moral Puritanism. I believe that people can change, and I want them to. If she came out with an apology tomorrow where she said, "I understand that my words and actions have hurt members of the trans and Black communities, and here are the steps I am taking to understand why this is so harmful so that I can improve, I would support her. But that's not what happened.

Whether we like it or not, this shit does matter. Arguably, it matters even more in women's sports. I don't like it. I would love if the WNBA, PWHL, or any other league were one where you could shut up and play, and you weren't expected to be a role model for young girls everywhere (which, that's a rant all of its own). But at the end of the day, you can't cater who you are to a hypothetical ideal. You have to cater it to the world that you're in. And yeah, that sucks.

The increased scrutiny on female athletes will always affect marginalized groups more. I'm not going to speak too much on racism in the WNBA, because I don't consider myself an expert on it (I'm only a casual basketball fan, no matter the gender), but I've seen the scrutiny leveled on Angel Reese compared to Caitlin Clark. I also remember Hilary Knight being fucking terrified to come out as queer because of all the outside pressure on her. Having to hide what you believe is different than hiding what you are.

She's not going to get top-six minutes this coming season, and the discourse is going to be insufferable. Yeah, Curt Schilling's a terrible human being, and although his beliefs got worse after retirement, he was an outspoken conservative when he won the 2004 World Series. Compare that to Trevor Bauer, whose shooters claim that he's being blacklisted by the Woke Mob, when he's really just... not a good pitcher, and he's also managed to piss off every manager he's ever had. Britta Curl will not be one of the six best players on Minnesota unless something goes terribly wrong - she's not a better center than Heise or Pannek, and she's not a good enough sniper to move to the wing. The worst people you know will claim she's being punished for her beliefs, because they do not understand how sports work. Block and move on.

It is still very funny that she blocked me on Twitter. Block and move on goes both ways, but I didn't tag her in the post or anything, which means she name searches.

Once again, if you read this far, please consider giving to Prevention Point or Savage Sisters. Harm reduction is important. Those two organizations are why I'm still alive, and the city of Philadelphia wants addicts to die.

[methed-up-marxist]

it's good then that you were so upfront about loving fascist cock and thinking i was a piece of shit and yelling at me for being uncomfortable with you saying having sex with fascists that hated you was the best. you don't hide it by saying it's a joke, you just straight up hated me for thinking that sounded like something you were doing to hurt yourself and ESPECIALLY for me saying i would not want to do it myself

Anyway look at all I've written here on the body-fascism of certain quasi-heterosexual community's of heterosexual* men who are clearly deeply interested in trans women and yet aren't in dialogue with our specific discourses of identity.

Combined with my drawing out, in a delezian way, the ways in which we are all fascist a little bit and how these micro-fascisms work through mobilising sexual desire.

Can you see how a conversation about me having sex with a meth head who frequently threatened me with extremely intense violence due to paranoid structure in his mind produced by stimulant psychosis lead to an account of the semi-fascist nature of that paranoia while still needing to allow this struggling poor, queer, drug addicted crossdresser trying to take care of his Maori girlfriend but unable to do much for her because of what drug addiction had done to him.

And yes I took account of my sexual investment in this situation even as I tried to take care of him and tried to help him get back to some semblance of normality - I cooked for him because he'd been starving himself, I helped tidy his room because it was causing him immense distress, I held him as he cried because he wished he was a girl. And I enjoyed it and I refuse to deny my enjoyment of it.

You are taking the psychic structures I had to build so as I could be there for someone at the bottom of his life - structures of enjoyment - so yes I enjoyed being with someone who was experiencing proto-fascist modes of relating to the world (paranoid thinking, imagining secret enemies who control everything, outbursts of violence against people he doesn't understand his co-connection with)

This guy wasn't any more of a racist than you or me, he took care of a Maori lesbian who he loved and loved to the best of his abilitys.

If you see me being exhilirant and estatic about how my proximity to a set of micro-fascisms provided me the libidinal investment to be able to take care of this person even as he threatened me with explicit violence and just conclude I'm in some simple alignment with the more macro-fascisms. idk where to begin a dialogue with you, it seems my potential to be a person has been completely evacuated

I don't know who you are but you clearly know a lot about me as a person and that you can deploy this complex chapter in my life into me just being some prolific fucker of like commited fascists is well its precisely the fascist logic where any proximity to the unclean makes you unclean yourself.

I would never fuck a police officer, I would never fuck a fascist, I would never fuck anyone whose racism takes the form of out right statements of racism.

I don't know who u are, but u know who I am and it should lead you to some respect for the complicated situation u are clearly using to attack me

[tinystepsforward]

ngl it makes me want to die a little bit that it's so often trans people who feel that sex is mutable but oppression is always-forever based on asab in ways that allow them to demand that information from other trans people. like it feels fucking bad. it feels bad when it's people holding up someone who posts a lot of selfies as transition goals to a degree they have to clarify what they have or haven't done or what "direction" they're going in, it feels worse when people are out there like "caster semenya is not tma" or whatever the fuck. i am, as always, not a trans woman, but here's a sentiment echoed by many of the trans women around me who log the fuck off, quoted directly from one: "people who draw a clear line where they say that semenya or khelif are tme and then call me tma are just calling me male at this point".

like i get it. i really do. we seek community and shared experiences, and we feel betrayed when people have less in common with us than we thought they did. [*more on this later.] but that's not those people's faults and my god in the case i'm seeing play out on twitter rn this poor person did absolutely nothing to intentionally mislead people, just posted pictures of their actual kid self. who looks a lot like i did, because shockingly enough "we can always tell" doesn't fucking work for trans people either!

on the one hand i move in intersex circles which are unapologetically welcoming in cis "dyadic" people with pcos, because it serves nobody to draw a clear line where mutilation or genetics or some ineffable childhood suffering are what make somebody intersex, especially when most of us (esp in places like nz) have never been karyotyped and are being treated for symptoms without a pinned-down cause anyway. the more of us there are the stronger we are, the more pressure we can exert on a medical profession which doesn't like to consider how common outliers are, how uneasy sex is at all. and then on the other hand there's dyadic trans people on the internet who've yelled me out of spaces because a couple of traumatised incarcerated trans women i worked with as a prison abolitionist assumed i was also a trans woman and i didn't immediately tell them my entire csa-involved history of being sexed in varying ways as an infant and child and/or exactly how big my phallus was at birth or where in my junk config my urethra lives so they could decide i was tme or whatever.

returning to the * for a related but not identical thought: i think presuming shared experiences leads to some fucked shit in general! "oh we all had a radfem phase" or "oh we all were channers" no we fucking weren't and it's particularly obnoxious when me & mine are trying to build trans community locally to organise and resist the growing wave of far-right backlash against our existence, and there's just white people in there on a spectrum from "straight up being antisemitic and trying to get the n-word pass" through "handwringing about how they need to make space for people who aren't politically correct" to "handwringing about how brown people are right to be mad at them but doing shit fuckall". and then the other fucking brown people in the space are on some identity politics shit where they're like "trans joy inherently excludes those of us who could get deported" or "big city white queers are killing us by being visible instead of going stealth bc it stirs up the discourse" or whatever the fuck i've heard pulled out this year. there's a bunch of reasons i primarily organise outside of trans spaces and that's one of them. i've never felt more alone in spaces where people claim we're all the same than being left as the brownest moderator or organiser in a space full of people to whom "this is a safe trans space" apparently means they get to abdicate all other responsibilities not to lapse into presumed shared patterns that are fucking racist or otherwise alienating. i've never felt more alone than surrounded by exclusively trans people who sort people into boxes and assume everyone in those boxes has the transition goals they have. like i was on cypro until it disagreed with me to the point of endocrine crisis and now i'm on t and at both those points people were so fucking presumptive or entitled to my reasons or journey or personal relationship w my body

literally just submitted on (and was invited to consult on) the nz law commission's review of the human rights act and like. it's straight up fucked how many nz trans people fully do not comprehend that any "sex assigned at birth" type definitions fundamentally exclude migrants who have no way of proving it and many intersex people who happen to have been reassigned later or many times or never assigned at all as a baby. we can't make law with this shit and that's why we have to have symmetrical protections for all genders/sexes/expressions/presentations, bc naming and defining a protected class here often leaves the people who already are left out from those shared experiences of marginalisation out in the cold when they face violence

[drakefisher]

If I get read as trans at a "queer women's event," dykes assume I'm a straight transsexual guy. Ironically, this grants me free access. I bear no resentment toward my FtM brothers, but I do grind my teeth over women's spaces and dyke circles that welcome them yet which exclude my transsexual sisters. I am infuriated by the underlying assumption: my brave FtM brothers, who have sacrificed to become men, are just conformist women, and my bold MtF sisters who have fought to be women, are really men with a fetish for being marginalized. Are we dykes so fragile, so afraid, that we cannot allow anyone to enter, leave, or even explore? When we imply FtM men are still gay women, how can we also fear that "we are losing our butches"?

Our butches? Whose butches? Does the dyke community own its members? Our sex lives? Our genders? Does it control us for our own good?

Dykes are not fragile flowers. Many femmes wear the flaming rose. It's a flower, but it'll fight back if you try to crush it. What tough flower would symbolize us butches? Or do we fear that butches are the fragile ones, anxious to leave the dykespace?

We fear men will undo us, erase us; that we must guard against their entrance into our spaces, or our sister's pants. But men have been part of butch-femme for as long as I can remember. Pre-electrical lesbian spaces contained trans-spectrum men who feared presenting as male in public, and butches who feared looking mannish because of laws, written and unwritten, that prohibited putting a vagina into a pair of pants. Medical transition has been around since the 1930s, and it has not destroyed us. There were gay men who shared our bar scene, and their business kept many of "our" bars afloat. The lesbian communities that most feared men also feared femmes, butches, transsexuals, and every other stripe of gender freedom.

Butch-femme is tough. We are tough. Our cultures have survived alcoholism, homophobia, beatings, corrupt vice squads, poverty, and the sex wars—plus all the other problems of living. I think we can survive transgender medicine.

The happiest butch-femme spaces I've seen are those that embrace the gender spectrum. There we find butches and femmes who go by "she" and love their unmodified bodies. We have FtMs who've done the works—T, top, and crotch—who may be men or butch or femme or more. They include me and others who transitioned into being butches. They include femmes without questioning their taste in lovers. And it works.

Men will not undo us. But an unchecked fear of men—of becoming a man, dating a man, having been forced to be one, looking too much like one, being too attractive to men in general, or aiding and abetting any of the above—can and will make our community unliveable if we let it. But we should not fear or police ourselves. If we did that, there'd be no butch or femme in the first place.

— Amy Fox, "BORDER CONTROL AND FRAGILE FLOWERS" from "Changed Sex. Grew Boobs. Started Wearing a Tie." from Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme (edited by Ivan E. Coyote and Zena Sharman, 2011)

[vintageandroid]

World BDSM Day

Apparently it's World BDSM Day so I thought it'd be a fun day to remind everyone about my 18+ adult blog, Queer Earthling!

Here are all my posts tagged "kink" and to be more specific, here are all my posts tagged "non-sexual kink." Everything I've done that's tagged "bondage" is available here.

I'll also highlight a few specific posts!

Two short stories I've written about nonsexual BDSM scenes featuring my recurring characters, Jax and Laurel. The first is Respecting Xeir Things and the second is Constellations.

A review of one of my favorite impact toys.

A review of my favorite non-impact kink toy.

How Dominance/submission helped me to grow as a person

Aftercare snack ideas

Nonsexual Submission

Gender Affirmation, Kinkster Style

Anyway, happy reading and uhhh happy BDSM Day to all who observe, I guess!

Don't forget to check out my Patreon and Ko-Fi if you enjoy my content!

-

(Queer Earthling is my 18+ sex blog. If you’re interested in supporting a sex-positive, queer, neurodivergent weirdo, check out my support and affiliates page, buy me a Ko-Fi, or reblog so others can find me! If you’d rather not see these on your Tumblr feed, feel free to block the tag “Queer Earthling.”)

Also I have a Patreon that allows access to an exclusive Discord community of nerdy, friendly queer folks, as well as polls, behind-the-scenes stuff, and other fun. I have tiers as low as $1 if you want to support my work!

Aphobes, bi/panphobes, trans/nb-phobes, anti-kink, TERFs & SWERFs DNI

[cedarnommer]

Queer music with trans undertones.

That's a topic that I've only breached recently. Call me a little baby queer, but I never knew the wealth of cool music done by very cool people before this. There's a wide range of genres and different types of lyrics to go along with it. In this post, I'll focus down on music that I personally like. It may not be for you and that's perfectly understandable.

Glass Beach is a very cool band and their first album, while unrefined, has 2 songs in particular which I'm obsessed with.

Bedroom community is such a fun song and really holds true to much of my life experiences throughout my life. Because I live in an environment that does its best to isolate queer folk, that meant that the only way I could explore my gender identity and my sexual preferences was through the internet. And while not the point of the song, the song really gets me pumped up to be an annoying blasphemous little gremlin to all the nasty christo-fasc out there.

This song brings me to tears every time. The lyrics are just insanely personal and I think many trans femmes could connect with this song. Being misgendered by your peers and especially your family. Needing a desperate escape. Tackling with adulthood. The little holiday feeling of getting your HRT. It's much. It's so much. I'm bursting into tears even as I type this out. This song is so powerful. I can't help it! It's a song about me! Just for me and me alone! It's so personal aa!

While this song doesn't bring the same reaction from me, the lyrics and the melody is so melancholic and it's such a wonderful song. One of their later and more "mature" works as a band. It's great.

Now I'll do some randomly assorted different artists. I haven't explored their music as deeply as Plastic Beach. But these songs are a highlight for me. And I'm usually a really chaotic listener anyway.

This song is simple but it rocks. While I'm a gender conforming and very woman identifying trans femme, I'm also aware of the absurdity of the gender binary. And I think that even someone like me is inherently confusing and terrifying to the social systems that uphold this nonsensical binary. This song is a good way to remind ourselves how absurd and pointless our divide between "males" and "females" is not based around chromosomes or other confused markers but purely on cultural indicators of identity.

This song's lyrics are wonderful. It kind of reflects my recent posts on Tumblr and my frustration on weirdo internet people obsessed with my genitals and being creeps. Because bigotry is creepy and weird. The chorus of this song is especially really good and I find myself humming it along sometimes.

I'm not into ska, but I really enjoy this song in particular from this genre. The lyrics are fun and the theme of breaking apart and mixing gender identities is fun. It's a fun song. Because once gender stops being used as an authoritarian tool to enforce a binary, it can be fun finding the way to express yourself.

This is some of the stuff I've discovered recently. I think the main reason I'm making this post is a bit more of a serious and grim topic that I've touched upon a bit. I live in the Balkans and I live in a city that's infamous for street fights and toxic masculinity. You can imagine that being a trans femme, even if I pass well, still sets me up for a bunch of dangers. My country's politicians are conservative enough to the point that any idea of rights to LGBT folk isn't even considered, with concepts of queerness being considered a "threat" to the "traditional" family structure. Of course, all of this is a bunch of nonsense.

But it means that spaces for queer people are difficult to find. Apparently people congregate on Facebook, but Facebook where I live at is essentially Twitter. I'm not interested in torturing myself with that. That's left me feeling very isolated. I've recently actually tried to join some local Discord servers, but they were overwhelmingly dominated by cis gay men that seem to only be interested in sex. That's just not for me.

I think listening to music like this helps me feel less alone and more hopeful for the future. If anyone out there is dealing with the same loneliness I am, please find music that reflects your feelings. You'll feel a bit better about the world, knowing that you're not alone and your ideas aren't as foreign as you think.

You're wonderful.

You're valid.

And you're rad as heck.

Queer, trans, non-binary, non-conforming and any fun mixture of sexual orientation. You're the best!

[brightowldarkpigeon]

James Somerton Apology 2.0

Someone on Reddit asked what a genuine apology from Somerton would look like, and I outlined it there. I thought I'd share my post here in case it helps any others who are trying to understand what a sincere apology looks like!

(To be clear, I think that in general matters that are not as severe as James's, hoping to recover your career or asking for forgiveness are perfectly fine. For James, his betrayal was strong and defrauded so many people financially, that there is no way to make restitution without a years-long break from making content).

If he wanted to make a genuine apology, it would have to be done without any expectation of the recovery of his career. It would have to be very much the last thing he'd say on the matter, the only video on his channel, and demonetized. He would need to make the apology, then leave for at least a year, if not longer.

Then he would need to follow the standard five steps of apology:

1. Expression of regret

He'd have to say, "I am genuinely sorry for plagiarizing the work of others and taking great pains to obfuscate that fact." He would say, "I'm sorry that I told lies in my videos and did the bare minimum to create as much content and wealth as possible in as short a time as possible." He would also say, "I am sorry for the misogyny and anti-trans bias that I perpetuated both with my words on this channel and my actions toward other creators."

2. Acknowledgment of responsibility

This is essentially to say how it hurt the other person. "I am aware of the enormous harm that I caused to both the queer creators that I stole from and the viewers I deceived. My misogyny and transphobia have harmed not only the women and nonbinary people I offended, but also all other white cis gay men who do not want to carry on this legacy of upholding patriarchal sexism." I'd like him to make this the longest portion of the video, showing how plagiarism, deception, and misogyny cause real, tangible harm, and how his actions were wrong.

(It would be extra nice if he could take real responsibility and say, "I did all these things because I was greedy and lazy, and because I have not done the work to dismantle my own biases against women and trans people.)

3. Making Restitution

Here's where he says he's going to

a) PAY BACK HIS PATRONS. Seriously. That would be such a start. I understand that he needs money to survive, and it might take a long time to get back to that level of income, but he deceived both his patreon patrons and the backers of his Talos project.

b) Publish the names and works of every author he stole from.

c) Create a queer youtuber fund or something like that.

4. Genuinely promising change

He will need to GET. OFF. YOUTUBE. STOP. MAKING. CONTENT. It's time for him to find a new job, even with his fucking epilepsy, he's a decent video editor with a large portfolio and he absolutely could get work doing video editing from the bazillion people who have never heard of him. (They do exist!)

Or get literally any other WFH job. Do customer service if you have to. Take a break from being a star.

And of course say, "I do not think I will ever make original content again since I've lost the trust of this community, but if in a few years, I do try again, I will devote my time to properly crediting and uplifting other queer creators.

5. Requesting forgiveness

No. Don't do this. It's beyond forgiveness right now. Once james has SHOWN he's changed by educating himself and taking some time away from youtube, and DOING ALL THE RESTITUTION HE PROMISED, then he can ask for forgiveness.

Hope that helps.

[just-your-average-tangerine]

I'm making a full post about this because I think it's important. I've reblogged other posts on this topic, but this is my own experience because trans man apparently can't be artists without our own communities ripping us apart for it.

I'm mainly an actor, but I do music on the side. I've been in 5 stage productions, a commercial, and a short film. For music, I've done a few gigs at charity events, won a community talent competition, and made some money on the side as a street performer. So I feel decently confident in saying that I'm fairly good at what I do.

When I talk to other trans people about my desire to build a resume that doesn't out me as a trans, and to market myself as a gay actor and not a trans one, I'm called a traitor to the community. And told that I'm depriving trans kids of a role model. Nevermind the cis queer people who think I'm stealing roles from 'real' gay men.

What they don't understand is that work for trans men does not exist. The modern professional canon of dramatic work does not include a single trans man. Not one. I cannot work as a trans man. The best I can hope for is what I've been getting the last year and a half, small background characters whose gender doesn't matter.

When I won the community talent competition for my music, I was told afterward that it was a shame that I won because "the last thing the queer community should be celebrating is another guy with an acoustic guitar". Several people in the trans social group I started attending agreed with that sentiment, telling me to stop playing altogether and saying "the world doesn't need anymore straight men with acoustic guitars". (Side note: I'm gay and explained that but the consensus of the people there was that trans men can't be gay because we're still 'female' (side note to the side note: all of the other people in this group were trans women lesbians and did not see the irony in that)).

I dont understand how other queer people can contribute to this without realizing the harm. I would ask how trans masc artists are supposed to want to keep creating their art but I think that's the point.

[uncanny-tranny]

how do you deal with loving yourself in an age where everybody publicly hates you? i think my internalised transphobia/homophobia is actually killing me

I think first, you have to forgive yourself for not loving or even liking yourself. That may sound counterproductive, but when I actually did this, I felt so much less pressure to perform love and to pretend like I was okay.

This is a process that can take years, and honestly? I still struggle with this. It's not realistic to expect yourself to wake up and be fine. Recognize when you aren't okay, when you feel that self-loathing, and don't feel shame over it (easier said than done, yes, but it is important). What you feel is only natural. What you feel is completely understandable.

Some of the things I have done beyond what I put above are:

Finding a passion outside of anything related to my internalized transphobia/homophobia. For me, this is crafting. It separates me from the world and from myself in such a way that I feel... beyond myself, if that makes sense. It's a liminal space where nothing matters, but what is in front of me

Community. Finding your own place in this world is incredibly important, and it can be difficult. If there is an LGBT center near you, please go there, even if you leave early. Being surrounded by others who are not only similar but you can see can make a difference.

Learning. This one might not work, but I found that education helped me love this world in a way that really helped change my view. I've dabbled in science and history because they're my favourites, but I think learning the beautiful parts of this world can help to make you reflect on how you aren't seperate from this world, you are integral to it.

Make time for yourself. Whatever time you have left, dedicate it to you. What this means, only you can say. For me, I set time for myself to enjoy video games and crafting and being with my cats. This time should be true to what you want to do in order to listen to and honour yourself

In the vein of community: Surround yourself with others like you, with trans and gay and queer people - with a broad spectrum of our communities. Don't tolerate intolerance, and when you come across it, remember your worth and remember that you and your existence aren't debates. You are an actual person. You don't have to entertain the idea that you are anything less.

Remember the world can be kind. The world can (and will) show you kindness, especially where you least expect it. It may seem like the hatred you hear is loud, but louder still will be the people who will see you for you and won't turn away from you.

This isn't a cure-all. I won't peddle magic cures, and I don't want to give the impression that you are "wrong" or "bad" for how you are doing. You aren't the first person to feel this way, and you aren't the only one, either. In that sense, your pain isn't felt alone. I hope that you can feel peace and safety within yourself, if not now, then one day. You are worth that. If you aren't ready for this, please keep all this in your back pocket. It is never too late. It won't be too late.

[dross-the-fish]

Started hanging out with some new friends in a Discord server on days when work from home is slow but I'm not able to leave my desk to draw or write, and I'm honestly surprised by how good of a time I've been having, how at ease I feel. This is the first friend group I've had where most of, if not all of, the people in it are queer in ways that are similar to myself, and not just cisgendered gay or bisexual people, but people who are also non-binary/genderfluid and on the aro/ace spectrum. After a lifetime of being friends with people who were mostly straight or gay and almost all of them cis except for maybe the odd binary-transperson all of whom are allosexual. It also made me realize that I've been walling myself off from most of my old high school friends for the duration of our relationship and haven't even noticed it. I always tend to sit and let little comments slide because I don't want to get into a debate or call too much attention to aspects of myself I'm still figuring out. Dealing with behaviors that were vaguely phobic and excusing them as my friends just "not knowing better," because they seemed well intended otherwise and nothing said was overt. Feeling like before I presented ace characters to them that I needed to have some justification and explanation at the ready and brace myself for people to try and tell me that "well this character can still have sex right?" or "What's the point of making x aromantic?" because they were allosexual and alloromantic and couldn't enjoy characters that weren't "available" in that way. Debates about whether asexuality should even be part of the LGBTQ spectrum weren't common, but they happened. Being made to feel like not being attracted to my partner was unfair to my partner because "everyone deserves to feel attractive to the people who love them." "A stands for Allies" is a thing that came out of one friend's mouth. "Non-binary is trans-lite," is another. "I could never love someone I wasn't attracted to, it must suck so bad to have that part of you missing." When I eventually came out as gender fluid, they seemed accepting but never bothered to use masc pronouns because I still accept fem ones. So they just felt free to ignore my gender all together and one of them even slipped and tried to correct someone who called me "sir" because it was that easy for her to forget, even with me standing right there in a chest binder and men's clothing.

There was always been an element of being ready to defend myself, of weighing my words before I spoke them and agonizing over whether I'd have to hear empty platitudes, excuses of people just "not being used to it" and an obvious, palpable discomfort that no one was willing to unlearn, that would be left for me to bear and to feel like I was at fault for creating by simply existing. And I never noticed it because it was so prevalent and it was still preferable to the blatant hostility most of the conservative population around here has for the LGBTQ community. I can talk to these people about every other thing under the sun, call them when I'm in trouble and they'll help me and turn to them for advice and support in every other area...but the little things still matter. Even when I told myself they didn't. Being around people and feeling like I can be unguarded is such a bizarre feeling that I'm almost afraid of it. Hearing one person talk about how an aromatic character I write isn't broken and wanting strongly for that character to be told that by somebody made me want to cry. Being asked if I would prefer couple art to be sfw vs nsfw because the asexuality of one character was taken into consideration actually felt like a big deal because NO ONE HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE. I didn't know these things mattered so much until they happened and now I feel I'm at a crossroads and debating if I should make the effort to advocate more for myself among some of my old friends. Acceptance matters, community matters. I always knew this intellectually but it's a whole different level now that I've experienced it. I've learned that it matters to me.

[trans-androgyne]

Hey, thank you for the work that you do. I've only looked at your blog for a little bit but I appreciate the effort you go through to help encourage dialogue about transmasc issues. I've always felt like there's been an issue about anti-queer masculinity (which, to me, seems to affect all trans people as well as cis queers such as bears as an example) in the community sometimes and the fact that a lot of binary trans men I've seen (only speaking from what I've seen personally here) are kind of disenfranchised from the community sometimes and don't tend to (understandably) openly advertise their transness has always made me wonder what have we, as a community, done to promote this trend? Like, there's a lot there when it comes to asking that question, but it always makes me surprised how little people seem to care about asking that. Transmasc issues seem like they always have an x factor to me because of how little they get emphasized. It almost feels cyclical and self-perpetuating. Like, transmascs don't get to talk about their issues (because when they do, people assume these issues don't exist) -> therefore, they don't get represented -> they see themselves unrepresented and then back off from the community -> the people willing to talk about transmasc issues have already left and then the issues remain without proper dialogue -> people assume these issues don't exist -> therefore, transmasc people don't get to talk about their issues again. Either way, my point is that I appreciate you talking about the things that you do and for not trying to get caught up in the hate tornado that is the internet. A lot of what I see you say seems honestly fair and understandable, so I thank you for that. Transfems shouldn't feel pressured to know everything and everyone should get the chance to speak.

Thank you! Anti-masculinity has long been an issue in the queer community and I’m glad more people are starting a dialogue about it, especially since it very much affects more than just trans men. People don’t like to talk about it but it absolutely plays a major role in the transmisogyny in the queer community. I’ve seen the same cycle as you and I’m really glad so many of us are pushing through it. Thank you for reaching out!

[kittenintheden]

okay listen I'm so tired lol

I am a fandom old. I've been around the freaking block like eight dozen times. I'm at the point in my life where I enjoy media because it's FUN and ENRICHING for me personally, rather than something I base my identity on. I adore the community that happens in fan spaces (mostly).

here is why I never trust an anon that's clearly just being a dick: I've been in way to many scenarios where people who aren't even invested in the thing just think it's so fucking funny to watch segments of a community fight with each other. it tickles some part of their lizard brain. their mom never taught them not to be an asshole to strangers. idk.

there's a political term that you may or may not be familiar with called astroturfing. it's frequently used in marketing and politics to falsely create the image of vast public support for something that doesn't actually have all that much natural support. for example, people who don't especially have strong feelings about trans issues being encouraged/paid/instructed to respond to any and all trans support a certain way. responding to blogs, sending letters to the editor, posting on message boards, etc. their goal is to create a broad public perception that most people are anti-trans (untrue).

and it works. entire fucking laws and legislation and protests and fearmongering come out of that shit. people make up FAKE PROBLEMS (cis men dressing up like women to go be pervy in public bathrooms???) and spread the word via bad actors and controlling the public discourse. the media conglomerate that gamed Facebook to disproportionately support asshole authoritarian alt-right clowns and got them elected was EXCELLENT at it.

a similar thing can happen in fandom, ESPECIALLY when that fandom is a haven for women, POC, queer folk, and other minorities. you guys might remember GamerGate and SadPuppies? yeah all those fuckers are still active and still purposely being shitty at every given opportunity because they think it's funny to make the "libs" fight amongst themselves.

look up #yourslipisshowing if you're not familiar. it was a movement by Black Twitter (specifically Black WOMAN Twitter) to expose bad actors who would create accounts posing as Black woman activists, learn the surface-level terminology, and just purposely cause discord in leftist spaces under the ever-familiar activist method of "being morally pure is a thing that can exist."

anyway: any time I get an ask or comment without a name attached that is very obviously intended to poke me in a sore spot, I delete that shit and assume it's some fucker trying to start fan drama for kicks. even if I'm wrong, I still don't need to feed into that shit. this is my fun, happy space. I'm an activist and do activist shit and get angry at the world in real life, I don't need it in my little fandom corner of the internet too.

which is not to say that shitty fans and shitty fandom takes don't really exist. they very much do. but I don't give them much air unless there's an actual name attached. and even THEN it can be hit or miss because people can and do create fake accounts if they're especially dedicated to being a shithead.

so: if you're minding your business and some goober comes into your ask box with shit that's clearly intended to push a button, give it like 24 hours to cool down and decide if it's actually worth it to respond. for me, most of the time I determine that it's not.

don't get me wrong. calling out bad behavior in fandom IS IMPORTANT and SHOULD BE DONE. I just also think it's important to try and find the joy and camaraderie in these spaces as much as possible and that people who try to disrupt that for jollies suck real bad and give a disproportionate perception of "what X fans are like."

in summary, my philosophy is be the best person you can be, be as kind as is warranted, focus on the parts of your fandom that make you happiest, and carry a big stick for when the jerks won't take a hint.

also like. shitting on other characters to prop up your fave is such a freaking middle school move. are you in middle school? if so, I'm sorry. if not, I'm still sorry, but for a different reason.