#and also (while being as vague as possible) my brother was accused of starting the fire by the 'police' or smth

[florida3exclamationpoints]

.

[starry-bi-sky]

honestly your dpxdc clone au gives me life, its adorable as all hell and im a sucker for found family but with that being said, its so freaking hysterical to me that Danny is going full feral liminal menace at Wes any time hes near and Wes himself is still 100% into it the freak (affectionate) and thats not even pointing out the paralles it could possible create since danny and dames gives massive parallels to dick and damian and dick does have a thing for redheads.

yeesSSSSS! I was planning on hoarding this to myself but i can't not reply. and i'll be able to find this again with the clone^2 tag so win WIN. i'm so glad you are as delighted by this as me. It's so hilarious to me that Danny just becomes a complete freak whenever he spots Wes, and I'm the one who wrote it into existence. Like- like i don't know how to explain my vision in words but like, its like Danny sees Wes and immediately goes 'what can I do to make his day worse'. And then he goes and does it.

(honorary read more because i talk a lot)

He's relatively normal around his friends too, which makes him going full-fledged unhinged around Wes even funnier to me. Like, Danny will spout weird shit sometimes to Sam and Tucker, but usually its prefaced with him talking about patrol or there would be context before he said anything. With Wes? Though?? he will just. say anything, completely unprompted. Slings an arm around his shoulder like they've been buddies since primary school and then spits out a weird new fun fact he learned about the bodily anatomy while researching his latest cold case. All vaguely-threatening but utterly insane things to say as way to start a conversation.

And sometimes its not even that, he'll walk up to Wes and ask him if he saw the latest daytime fight between Phantom and Skulker. And then he'll say "yeah i missed it myself but I saw clips of it being posted online" and then watch Wes mentally explode him with his mind. or he'll disparage Phantom for having such a young partner with him, "Can you believe he'd let a kid fight ghosts with him? I'd never let my brother ghosthunt with me if I was Phantom."

All of this with such a deceptive look on his face but the most delighted, shit-eating gleam in his eyes. Wes is chewing glass and he wants to yell that he does let his brother fight ghosts with him. Also you told him yourself that nothing would've stopped your demonic (Wes' words) little brother from joining you.

Damian gets in on the fuckery occasionally, but since he's not around often with Wes about, it doesn't happen nearly as often as it does between Wes and Danny. Sam and Tucker know he's screwing with him too, and both of them are a little wary about him being careless with his secret id. But he's been doing this since he was 14-ish and it hasn't backfired yet. So. They're not actively stopping him.

Danny walks back to his lunch table after terrorizing Wes and Tucker just asks him what he said, because Wes was about as red as a tomato when he walked away. Danny offhandedly sighs and innocently says he tried to have a conversation about Phantom with him. Wes didn't seem to like it all that much. Weird.

And yes, yes. Wes is totally into it and is slightly enraged about this fact, because not even he knows why he's into it. The freak (affectionate). Danny gives him this troublemaker smirk, and i did say smirk, and Wes doesn't know whether or not if he wants to smack him or kiss him. Or both. Like, yeah, pine, white boy, pine.

(And this is a dramatized image but I'm also highly entertained by the idea that Wes keeps getting routine dirty looks from various peers because they, too, have a crush on Fenton. Except Fenton doesn't talk to anyone else unless its his friends and sometimes Valerie, and Weston, the guy who keeps accusing him of being the local vigilante, is somehow routinely having conversations with him?? And BLOWING IT?? Like everyone else thinks he's fumbling so bad, and yet fenton keeps tALKING to him.)

And yes!! i'm always so pleased whenever someone brings up the parallels D+D have to Dick and Damian, because that was lowkey my intention when I was making the solo clone damian au. Although it was supposed to be more implied since I don't really know much about Damian and Dick other than they're very close and Dick was Damian's Batman for a year. And then of course the very smaller parallel (??) 'what if' between Bruce and Damian and D+D in clone^2 considering who they are both clones of.

And man this just makes me want to talk about when batfam meet D+D because I just want them to see D+D be so brotherly towards each other. Like I want them to see Bby Dames wearing his goofy fun fact shirts and stealing Danny's hoodies/flannels/etc and blatantly lying about it when Danny asks. Only for Danny to then throw him over his shoulder like Tadashi from BH3 and jump around.

And also. I do not know what Damian Wayne's (DW as I'll call him) stance on being called "Dami" is - the general consensus I've seen is that its usually used as a playful nickname in order to get a rise out of him, and he doesn't really like it.

But baby Dames being called that freely, and often, and its sometimes used to get a rise out of him but thats typically what nicknames do. Its used as easily as his full name is with the same amount of affection. And its like his main go-to nickname. "Dami" and "Dames" with the occasional "Bud/Buddy", "Squirt", "Little man", etc. Not once is he ever called 'demon-spawn'

(which i know is a fanon nickname but its a relatively popular nickname)

but yeah, uhhh. i think thats all of my thoughts on the matter. for now lmAO

[thegempage]

gonna elaborate on one of the steps from this post of mine about my ideal narilamb dynamic bcus i want to talk about them jfdklasjkfds so go check that out for context

but the idea (which i'm going to put under a cut bcus i love to Talk)

i'm thinking this is like, partway through their decade-ish phase where they're going from "mutual bitter betrayal" to "on friendly terms again," and the lamb is charged with re-killing and subsequently indoctrinating the bishops. which like... is gonna stir up a Lot of feelings (i also hc, in this case, that the bishop situation doesn't come up for at least a few years after the lamb initially defeats narinder, hence being in the mid phase) bcus the lamb thought they were striking down the bishops responsible for the horrors they've faced the first time, and now some asshole in a cloak is telling them they didn't do it right. plus narinder thought he was free of his siblings and ever having to confront the feelings he has about them but now they're going to be Here and he can't Hide Forever bcus he's far enough into healing that the lamb would be sad if he regressed back into isolation (and also he's been getting more involved with the day-to-day cult stuff and him disappearing would cause Issues)

(also. tbh i think narinder starts falling back in love first, bcus i feel like he spent so long stuffing down his feelings that now that he has a body that can Feel Emotions Physically he has a harder time ignoring them. not that he'd bring that up at this point but like, he's in a weird love/hate/desire for healing cycle with the lamb that they are Vaguely aware of but don't want to push bcus their own feelings on the matter are just as complicated and they Do Not want to address those)

so the lamb gets this mission to kill leshy again and take him in. they kind of talk to narinder about it but don't bring up all the details bcus they're not sure what they're going to do about leshy once he's in the cult, and they don't Necessarily trust narinder's first reaction to seeing his baby brother again, nor do they trust leshy to be around narinder for at Least a week or two, possibly longer. so narinder just knows the basics of the plan, and then the lamb fucking Disappears for a bit to get this done. narinder is stewing in his feelings while he runs the cult with the lamb's other disciples and he's not having a Great time. one may even accurately accuse him of having a Bad time. no one is going to bcus fuck if anyone is going to bring up that he seems to be in a bad mood more often these days.

the lamb comes back with leshy. narinder is Not a fan of this choice but it's not like he had any way of denying it, bcus the lamb Has to do something about the bishops or shit is gonna get bad, and even if he wishes they would just kill him, the lamb isn't exactly known for that (their tendency toward second chances, after all, is the only reason he's going through this). the lamb keeps them apart for a while until leshy settles in and it's clear he's not in any immediate danger of dissenting, at the very least. narinder still kind of avoids him bcus he's pissed off that leshy was involved in imprisoning him and he's afraid that leshy is upset with him about tearing out his eyes (he is, but he's not about to have that argument without back up).

and narinder and the lamb have managed to go a little while without arguing about anything big, bcus they're both trying to work on that (and the arguments are never Actually what they're about so it's not like they were getting anywhere), but narinder is so on edge about leshy that he snaps at the lamb and they snap back bcus they're on edge about heket and this mysterious cloaked figure (which narinder can Kind of see but not yet communicate with, for other reasons i have hcs for about his return to divinity and will maybe one day elaborate on separately). they get into a shouting match about the lamb's choices about what to do about the bishops and how much of those choices are actually in their control and how much each of them is upset about these developments and how much narinder does Not want to see his other three siblings again, and really it's about narinder feeling left out of the thought processes and the lamb feeling like they can't trust him to be involved and therefore having no one to turn to bcus it's not like they can address these issues with their regular ass mortal disciples and also both of them are heavily traumatized by the bishops and don't want to acknowledge said trauma. it's messy and loud and they both walk away pissed

but the important thing is after they walk away from said argument they both feel guilty about it. and they've always felt Bad walking away from shouting matches and they've occasionally felt a Little guilty about big arguments but this is the first time they've both been like "fuck, maybe we could have talked that out instead of yelling" so they regroup and apologize for parts of it and kind of talk about other parts (they're still not Completely there, to be clear, we're still in the "figuring out wtf is happening between us" phase) and the lamb lets narinder in more on their plans for heket and asks for his advice on dealing with her after she's brought into the cult and about how much he wants to be involved. which starts the ball rolling faster on them starting to make up bcus now they're on more equal footing and narinder feels less like he's being blocked from the important parts and the lamb feels less isolated in the process of dealing with the people responsible for so much of the pain in their life

and if like.......... narinder has a few dreams that he dwells on for a while or stares at the lamb too intensely during sermons. well that's his business. the lamb definitely doesn't think about him while they run solo crusades or while they're alone in the evenings, wandering around and helping out the night crew with the occasional tasks, not if you asked them

(there's also a decent amount of timespan involved with this, but that's not as important jfkldsajdf in my head this takes place over the course of about four months, from the mysterious seller appearing to them starting discussions about heket, with bringing in all four bishops taking about a year and a half total, potentially closer to two years depending on narinder's reactions to heket and kallamar and the seasons' effects on the lamb)

[yellowhollyhock]

Nightwatcher and Ghost of the Jungle would've been such a cool team-up though. Nightwatcher, in the city that never sleeps--describes his shift, literally like "I'll be in this place at this time come get me if you've got the guts." The whole point is to be so intimidating people afraid to try crime so that there's less for just one turtle to do (that's what he and Don were arguing about, I have normal feelings about this). Then, the Ghost of the Jungle-- vague, whimsical even, says I am Part of Nature and I will always Find those who need me. Giving 'no one sees my face and lives' vibes. Intimidation through mystery instead of sheer straightforward power.

They would have worked so well together. I kinda wish Raph hadn't hung the helmet up at the end of the movie. I mean, I get it. It was an identity that was always going to be connected to Leo's absence, and he thought his brother was gonna die because of him so that would be pretty traumatic. But just. Think of the shenanigans. And how well they would understand each other.

And also how different Nightwatcher and Ghost are to Cowabunga Carl and Just Donnie, Your Friendly IT Tech Support (not your enemy) (long suffering sigh).

Mikey parallels Raph in how he's using visibility as stealth. He's disguised as a giant turtle so no one will suspect he is actually a giant turtle. Pretty mich the exact same strategy but opposite; instead of trying to be intimidating, he's made himself friend-shaped. And that! Doesn't work at all! :D (do you think it was Donnie's idea. do you think Mikey was waiting to be asked about what he'd do if he was human. do you think the two of them talked late into the morning about what direction their lives could possibly take now that they aren't a team of ninjas, with Leo being gone and Splinter pausing patrol. do you think they hoped getting jobs focused on helping others would earn them some degree of acceptance, even if it'd be fragile and conditional. do you think Raph spat at their feet for trying to make themselves feel human, accused them of being ashamed of what they are, and maybe he wasn't totally wrong)

Leo and Donnie have interesting parallels too. I'm here to help, but you come to me and you can't see my face. These are the conditions, now I'm a tool in your hands, use me till I'm blunt. or something. Themes of selflessness but for Leo it's detachment from all he knows and loves, while Donnie is planted at home so that everyone else can branch out.

Mikey and Donnie both hate what they're doing. Or at least they're exhausted from doing too much of it. But. They help each other. Donnie set up Mikey's van so it would be as easy as possible for him to have some independence while still being button clicks away from help if he ever needs it. You know with the hours Don's pulling that Mikey is the one reminding him to eat, sleep, etc. Even though they're exhausted they fall asleep on the couch watching movies together instead of going to their beds.

Meanwhile Raph and Leo are the same and they're finding their callings. They're growing into their own identities as individual Ninjas. They were the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles; now they're their own brand of Cryptids. Really growing into themselves. It's beautiful and probably exactly what Splinter intended Leo's training period to be for. But. They're both alone. And that self-isolation is now linked with that growing up journey, for both of them. I'm sure this will not have any repercussions (yes it will). They can easily slip back into working as a team, the horror of almost losing Leo surely fixed all underlying issues (no it didn't).

Anyways what if Leo talked Raph into taking the mantle back up. What if the two of them start a habit of sneaking out since they can't seem to get back in on the bond Mikey and Donnie formed while they were both absent. What if this also causes more problems even as it smooths over some. And plus also too what if it's super cool because Nightwatcher and Ghost y'all

[transingthoseformers]

I am contemplating the CDRWDOM arrangement in Phase Seven, and I know I've previously established that Chromedome does end up carrying, but now I just had the idea of him being kind of in-laws with Megatron via the Situationship that is CDRWDOM and MiniRavMegs, so in an effort to help ease tensions with the Ambus brothers figuring out how to work things out, Megatron puts himself forward and invites Chromedome to do pre-baby shopping and plan their respective baby showers together. Cue the most awkward socializing known to man.

He has vague concepts about their existence from Ravage’s recent interest in Human Rom-Coms and Family Dramas which are also giving him new and increasingly strange dreams/anxieties.

He at one point wakes up Minimus after being unable to sleep and demands how are they going to put the children through college. He wants his children to have higher education if they desire and Megatron doesn't have access to accounts and Ravage doesn't believe in money as a concept and they can't exactly shoplift tution.

Minimus calms him down and reminds him that universities currently don't exist on Cybertron, but the colonies have them for free, and their are some remaining Lecture Worlds that welcome Cybertronians. Also Minimus felt it indelicate to mention before as they had yet to discuss prenuptials and the like, but he does have a sizable nest egg from being an Ambus and his time in command and Megatron is being paid. So tiredly Minimus makes Megatron and Ravage credit chips for the shared account, which Ravage is amuse by, and Megatron finds equal parts interesting and perplexing.

(He buys a lot of books.)

Ravage starts buying other Dcepticons he knows ridiculous gifts, which Minimus doesn't flinch at, donates a bunch to charity, and Minimus responds by refilling his credit chip which makes it less fun.

Also side note Dominus has absolutely no problems with Ravage. Respects him and remembers some of his louder protesting and speeches before he and Rewind left and war erupted.

Megatron, though he knows as a former boss though he is a bit fuzzy on when he left and how the DJD found out and decided not to kill him. He has suspicions when he sees the pictures of the "Pet" and Tes, who can't lie for shit, basically admits it while attempting to dance around the issue. Also Kaon is avoiding him which he could pass off, but he has a gap in memories, there's a new Vos, and Dominus is not an idiot.

But he will take advantage of his former teammates being toothless to rib them as much as possible and trick them into real friendship. He did after all spend more time with them in his long life than even Minimus and Rewind. He's unfortunately attached.

(Rewind keeps accusing him of being an adrenaline junky while Chromedome looks alarmed, but given his incredibly suspicious past and position is a mnemosurgeon , he say anything Dom knew and liked Prowl–rare enough–and he heard things.)

Situationship

Situationship

That's such an amazing way to put it

jesus christ the baby preparation planning would be so awkward yes

YES ON RAV WATCHING SOMEWHAT CORNY HUMAN SHOWS AND MAKING IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM

my godddd the strange nightmares yes

ROTBO COLLEGE YES

Actually I can entirely see why sparkling education would be a major concern for Megatron, but the presentation is. Fascinating.

Also

Ravage doesn't believe in money as a concept

Ravage darling that's interesting because I can see why he believes this, I think? I see his thought process, and it's interesting to think about.

I wish we could shoplift tuition

I should've expected the idea of Minimus having money tucked away

Aww on Megatron deciding to buy mostly books at first

Ravage being so fun, ultimate things you do when you realize you're rich now

The set up I see here concerning Dominus having been undercover as the Pet is one I've thought about a lot ngl and it's always cool

YES TRICK THE DJD INTO ACTUAL FRIENDSHIP

Adrenaline junky Dominus sdfssfg yes

[getmemymicroscope]

What is the fuckity fuck fuck? Somehow, it took less than 2 days to find a movie that might actually, somehow, be worse than Wafaa (it's at least equal, for sure).

Every single character is fucking annoying. Also, in very typical "everything happens at night" movie style, you can't see 90% of things because they refuse to allow any sort of lighting. So you're just seeing vague movement in a dark screen.

What they don't shy away from here, unfortunately, is very loud, high-pitched, unnecessary, and out-of-place screams (which I guess amount to the 'background music' in this movie). Like, I guess trying for the horror film-type 'music,' but it just randomly shows up and doesn't even correlate to like scare scenes. Literally I think the first one comes when Teesta is like pouring a drink or something. And then some evil-sounding laugh as Pratyush leaves. What?

The plot, apparently taken from James Hadley Chase's 'Tiger By the Tail,' has some potential, but it completely destroyed by some horrific acting, horrible sound and film decisions, and bad lighting. It's not the first Bollywood attempt at adapting a Chase story, and while I haven't seen all of the others, this one is almost certainly near the bottom.

Atul Kulkarni, normally so dependable, is absolutely laughable as a 'scared for his life, accused of murder' protagonist (well, laughable once you get past the never-ending frustration of how dumb everything is). Hell, even the 'accusation' doesn't happen until the very end, and is only made by a secondary officer as a veiled threat over a phone; the officer is promptly vocally disciplined by our lead investigator, who listen to this fucking annoying yelling and then is like "the case is solved" before walking out. I understand Pratyush's beginning reason for going to meet Teesta - but his sticking around upon figuring out it was a lie is just dumb. And then, after that pointless nonsense at the club, after she ends up murdered, he stupidly answers her phone. Which, fine - maybe nerves got to him (even though he had the wherewithal to wipe his prints away BEFORE the phone rang; why didn't he just let it ring and leave?). But then, on the way out, he runs into literally every possible thing in the hallway. Like, looking forward you fucking idiot, especially after the first thing you run into.

Later, near the end, he has this stupid scene at the phone - after the accusation by the cop - where he may or may not be trying to call his wife (versus, honestly, it looks like he's just randomly standing at the phone, number half dialed, crying her name). It's an absolute disaster of a scene, and I literally almost punched my wall (and I did yell out a "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?"). And the, at the very end, his wife find's Teesta card and asks him about it, and suddenly he's all tongue-tied. (Also, her coming back and saying "it's my fault" - what the fuck? No, it most definitely isn't.)

Speaking of crying, and disaster - the scene with Sonali and KK, where Sonali is crying about her love for her brother is also a shit-show of horrible (and fake appearing) crying. Not only does it sound fake (maybe it is supposed to be fake?), but it also makes it impossible to hear half of what she is saying.

Prashant, after being shot, has Pratyush come to try and save him - and instead, he start acting like an idiot, runs closer to the edge of the building (and obviously falls and has to be dragged up - this is clearly done as a way to build tension and allow the baddie to reach them, but it makes absolutely no sense of a just shot, near-death character to have someone try to save him and respond by moving closer to a ledge). Plus, like literally every other character in this movie (except maybe Rahul Dev?!, but he's wasted by this pathetic attempt, and Suchitra Pillai, in a very small role as Pratyush's understandably distraught wife), he's a total ass in the limited time we get to see/know him.

KK's random-ass monologue to Prashant is also out-of-place, dumb, and just like "why the fuck are you saying any of this?" Everything with the serial blackmailer is also fucking annoying. Teesta's actions, when she's alive, are also a mess. And why the fuck did she have his keys (hell, he left her place - how did they end up at the bar together)? His friend Aslam is also obviously a horrible person, and it's crazy that Aslam is the one who is like "we aren't friends anymore" when clearly Pratyush should've been the one saying that - I mean, fucking hell, Aslam pretended he was dying to get Pratyush, a married man who had just fought with his wife but was already regretting it, to go see an exotic dancer (or whatever). It almost feels like Pratyush is typically a complete pushover (except with his wife, of course, who he slaps ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY because she's questioning why he went and spent 3 hours with his friend - a girl he has had a crush on - when she was waiting for him; again, this is ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY) - how else can you explain why he thinks of Aslam as a friend for even one second after he first suggests the exotic dancer (and doesn't take no for an answer).

On top of the random-ass yelling 'music,' there are also a couple of completely random, disorienting scenes where the pictures like get all blurry/weird (not the correct words, I don't think - but essentially, the sort of disorientation that movies try to do when showing up that the characters are high or otherwise drugged). Except, you know, our characters aren't drugged at the time. They're just fucking around with the picture/imaging for no real reason than to give you a headache. There's even one scene where it literally feels like they just used a 2D filter and make everything super flat, simply because they could. It's not at all clever or well-done or a feather in the cap for this movie - it's just another addition to a very long list of "things wrong with this movie."

The biggest problem, of course, is that the opposite list - "things right with this movie" - has absolutely nothing on it. Like Wafaa before it, this movie has absolutely nothing going for it.

[mino-diabolik]

[Admin!Danny: Too much fresh air getting into my head—🏃‍♀️]

Younger Tsukinami — Chaos Lineage

Headcanons & Part in the Story

Though Mystic and Kazuha were never meant to form part of the Adam and Eve plan, they were transported into the mess of a place where the three houses of families were, alongside Yui. Their memories are very vague, but they do recall their names and what they are, to the very least, as well as a few of the faces they see, but not what kind of relationships they have with them.

Mystic has the peculiar ability to make flashes of memories come back to the individual once he has managed to lay a hand on them.

In the beginning, they believe he is an undercover member of one of the other houses and begin accusing each other of whatever plan they have.

(I thought this would funny so) Because of the “majestic” aura Founders often carry, the boys strongly believe that perhaps it is Kazuha who is meant to be the Eve of the legend. She was much more fitting for the image they had of the “great Eve”, after all.

Her similar appearance to the head of the Violet Family thoroughly throws everyone off, but no one ever really exactly acts upon it. Not even this manages to get her father’s memories back.

In the end, Mystic and Kazuha escape out of the church with Yui in hand in the middle of the argument, believing it better to simply dip out and deal with that mess later.

It is clear by this point that they must think of a plan in order to keep themselves out of trouble (as much as possible). They aren’t able to brainstorm much when the families gather around them once again, who demand to know who they are.

By now, Kazuha acts upon the facts they have managed to gather and boldly states, “We are Eve’s guardians, you fools.”

Mystic quickly catches on to what she’s doing and also stands in front of Yui, alongside Kazuha, seemingly in a protective manner.

Reiji: There was never a mention of any of Eve’s guardians.

Kazuha: Of course there was none, you idiot. Though did you thoroughly believe getting your hands on Eve would be as simple as a small brawl and stick fight with the other families?

Reiji: …!

Ruki: That girl behind you… that must mean she is Eve.

Kazuha: Congratulations, Sherlock. You’ve guessed the bare minimum.

Ruki: …

Carla: What must be done to get Eve under our roof then? Beat you down? All of us against just the two of you? Are you trying to die?

Cue Kazuha sending a blast of magic that makes the nearest boys stumble back from the sheer force.

Mystic steps up and crosses his arms.

Mystic: Eve must choose one of us guardians. We will decide whose family it is that the Supreme Leader resides in. The other, meanwhile, will accompany the second closest family that sticks out.

Ayato: What will happen with the third family?

Mystic: You’ll be discarded as someone who are not even so much as worthy of being in the presence of Eve.

From here, the options point out:

�� Go with Kazuha (Head into the Violet Household and Mystic goes with the Scarlet. The Orange Family will be the main “enemy” of the storyline, in this case.)

↳ Go with Mystic (Head into the Orange Household and Kazuha goes with the Violet. The Scarlet Family will be the main “enemy” of the storyline, in this case.)

Kazuha’s route would consist of Yui and her attempting to piece together what in the world in going on, while having to deal with the other members of the family. At some point, perhaps, she loses it a little and pounces on Yui. As it happens in the game, this awakens Yui’s memories. Kazuha does believe her, as she also has no memories or even a point of reference, and actually becomes quite embarrassed from her outburst. When told the Head of the Violet’s is her father, she doesn’t seem all that impressed. It was quite obvious they were related, somehow. Meanwhile, Mystic—having taken residence with the Scarlet—begins flashing back memories once he starts making contact with the brothers. Specially Kino, who most notably tries to approach him first. Suffice to say, it is Kino that unlocks Mystic’s memories.

Mystic’s route is not especially romantic (directed to Yui). There would certainly be moments for the sake of the story and fanservice. Aside from protecting Eve from the members of the Orange Family, he begins making contact with the brothers. While he definitely has an effect on them (after all, he has a story with many of them and one of them is quite literally his father) it is Ruki who seems the most effected by Mystic’s touch and the flashes of memories he receives, because… well, it’ll all make sense once I brave up to write for Dark Fate.

[Admin!Danny: That’s it for now lmao Not planning to make any routes at the moment but—🤸‍♀️✨✨✨]

[antebunny]

April 25: ribbons

A Swan Maiden Fairy Tale Fusion

Lan Wangji is a huntsman who happens upon a pond in the woods. He sees this epic coat thing made from raven feathers on the banks and goes “wow this is so cool and so pretty i should give it to my brother” and picks it up. Then he sees this guy on the shore and freaks out wondering if he’s dead, but he’s not, he’s just unconscious & naked. So Lan Wangji wraps him up and brings him home, because he’s nice. Then the guy wakes up, introduces himself as “wei ying, courtesy wuxian”, sees the feather cloak and says “nice…cloak you got there”

“it is a gift for my brother”

“ah. Right…when’s ur brother getting here?”

“i will visit him when the snow melts”

“k. Cool. guess im staying here until then”

“can you not go home?”

Wei Wuxian eyes crinkle like he’s sharing a private joke: “Not until the snow melts”

Lan Wangji is a good host and doesn’t know how he feels about this guy just declaring that he’ll live with him for the next several months but…okay.

Lan Wangji finds out very quickly that Wei Wuxian isn’t normal, and it doesn't take him long after that to guess that Wei Wuxian also isn’t entirely human. He’s a very bad houseguest, he just sits, doesn’t know how to cook or anything really, and talks at Lan Wangji while Lan Wangji makes them breakfast. He follows Lan Wangji everywhere he goes with no explanation, just invites himself along. He talks while Lan Wangji is trying to hunt but somehow that doesn’t scare away the game. He flinched the first time Lan Wangji’s arrow found a mark, and insisted on honoring the fallen bird before returning. He passes time whistling and carves himself a flute, they play duets and Lan Wangji finds himself composing something on his guqin in the early morning while Wei Wuxian is still asleep on the floor. Wei Wuxian introduces him to spice, which he hates, but watching Wei Wuxian’s face light up isn’t something he thinks he can ever get tired of.

Wei Wuxian talks a lot about his home and his family, which is apparently a port by a river delta, which is how Lan Wangji learns that Wei Wuxian a very good swimmer, like everyone else there, and that he and his brother are constantly pushing each other in the lake, that he goes out to the pier to drink at night, that he has the best big sister who makes lotus and pork rib soup and stops Wei Wuxian from fighting with his brother, who is an angery smol one but also the best little brother ever (how this is possible, Lan Wangji doesn’t know, it’s clear Wei Wuxian loves his brother even if he spends most of the time making fun of him)

Lan Wangji doesn’t understand why Wei Wuxian can’t return to this home he’s heard so much about, doesn’t know why he found Wei Wuxian abandoned & naked by the side of the pond, but decides that Wei Wuxian is magic and it’s a magic pond, and if his family would leave him in that state, they don’t deserve him. He works up the courage to ask “wei ying. When the snow melts. Stay with me.” and Wei Wuxian is Conflicted bc he likes Lan Wangji and would like to stay but hates that he has to and maybe won’t see his family ever again. In the end all he says is “okay” and Lan Wangji is Very Happy. He also sees Wei Wuxian eyeing the feather cloak often but he already said he’d give it to his brother and doesn’t know how to offer it to Wei Wuxian. But then Wei Wuxian says “guess you’re not giving it to your brother now” which is basically how Lan Wangji thinks Wei Wuxian asks for things so he just nods vaguely.

Wei Wuxian guesses pretty early that Lan Wangji doesn’t know the full extent of what he’s done, and he clearly doesn’t know who Wei Wuxian is, but that’s not surprising. He decides not to tell him, because why would he? On the off-chance that Lan Wangji will just...give it back to him? Wei Wuxian has heard the Swan Maiden tale, he's has seen the worst parts of humanity; he can’t trust that.

It’s been raining a lot recently, which means Lan Wangji has less opportunity to hunt, and it’s harder to hunt after rain. He goes to the nearest town to trade when his supplies get too low (Wei Wuxian comes with obviously) and there the gossip is that some villagers swear up and down that they saw purple lightning (Wei Wuxian isn’t surprised, just sighs and says “of course”) which means that Sandu Shengshou is angry! And that the Lady of Lotus Blossoms, who usually blesses typical goddess things like matchmaking and fertility/childbirth, has 1) stopped and 2) started leaving white lotus blossoms behind, which means that she’s mourning which is sad and terrible! (Wei Wuxian agrees that her being sad is terrible and gets misty-eyed. Lan Wangji wasn’t aware that Wei Wuxian held her in such high regard).

In town, Wei Wuxian gets Lan Wangji better deals, flirts with some girls which makes Lan Wangji sad for unknown reasons, gets harassed by some guys which is how Lan Wangji confirms that Wei Wuxian is not human/magic bc in the dark & rainy night his eyes looked red and his teeth in the moonlight looked too long and too sharp, and no one heard from Wen Chao again. Lan Wangji also buys him clothes

The snow melts. Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian set off to visit Lan Xichen. Wei Wuxian isn’t wearing the cloak and Lan Wangji doesn’t understand why? But doesn’t ask because he never does. They get to the lake where Lan Wangji found Wei Wuxian and wait for Lan Xichen to meet them there, meanwhile Wei Wuxian hisses at a peacock and talks to a sparrow (Lan Wangji doesn’t question it. He never does), then Lan Xichen arrives and at the same time purple lightning flashes and a young man descends from the sky dressed in rich purple silks followed by a lady dressed in lavender and rose pink. they’re easily recognizable as Sandu Shengshou, the Lord of the heavenly Lotus Pier, and the Lady of Lotus Blossoms, his sister and the Lady of Lotus Pier. Lan Xichen is like “wangji wtf is going on” meanwhile Jiang Cheng accuses Lan Wangji of kidnapping his brother, and Jiang Yanli is like “we’re willing to bargain for our brother back. what do you want?”

Lan Wangji: "If he’s ur brother why did you abANDON him"

Jiang Cheng: "how DARE we’ve been searching for him for MONTHS ever since you TOOK him"

"i found him abandoned so i took him home to PROTECT him"

"that’s a fancy way of saying you decided to keep him like an exotic pet"

"i did no such thing"

"then why did you keep that!?" Jiang Cheng points at the feather cloak and everyone looks

Lan Xichen: "oh no"

Lan Wangji: "what"

Lan Xichen: "wangji. the swan maiden"

Lan Wangji: *remembers the story about the swan maiden who left her swan feathers by the side of the pond while she bathed and the huntsman who took her feathers and thus took her, forced her to marry him and bear him three children, before she found her feathers, after which she yeeted outta there with her three children and never left the heavens again, leaving huntsman to die of a broken heart.*

Lan Wangji hadn’t even considered it, maybe because Wei Wuxian was sleeping and therefore didn’t beg for the feather cloak back, maybe bc he made a weak joke instead of flat-out asking Lan Wangji what he planned to do, maybe because his wasn’t pure and white but rather made of raven feathers and pitch black

Also Wei Wuxian got roaring drunk that’s how he ended up there. Jiang Cheng is like “just bc my brother is the stupidest dumb person to ever idiot–” “hey!” “does not mean you can just taKE ADVANTAGE of him”

Anyway Lan Wangji freaks tf out and practically throws the feather cloak back at Wei Wuxian, who hasn’t been meeting his eyes and not saying anything this whole time and tries to apologize. Jiang Yanli grabs it and her brother and walks into the lake, pink and cream lotus blossoms blooming under her feet; she doesn’t sink under the surface. She stands in the middle and they both go under. Then Wei Wuxian arises in his full black-and-red glory, Jiang Cheng shoots Lan Wangji one last glare and then the three of them promptly disappear into the heavens

Lan Xichen holds Lan Wangji for the first time in years while he cries. He stutters his way through an explanation of what happened the past three months, saying again and again that he didn’t know, he noticed that Wei Wuxian wasn’t human and a little bit magic but he didn’t expect this and he didn’t realize that he was preventing Wei Wuxian from leaving. Lan Xichen says things like “i believe you” and “you’re not a terrible person, you just made a terrible mistake”

Eventually Lan Wangji stops hyperventilating, and that’s when a flock of crows leaves their roosts, the wind shrieks, and Wei Wuxian descends again. Lan Wangji doesn’t understand how Wei Wuxian could possibly forgive him, or how someone like Wei Wuxian could possibly take interest in a lonely huntsman like Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuxian holds his hand out and says that he promised to take Lan Wangji on a tour of his home (lotus pier!!), and his eyes do that thing and he says “well? Are you coming?” and how can Lan Wangji say no?

[writing-wrxngs]

Character Guide!

(Just a little guide to how I personally depict the characters I write about and their roles in my stories.)

Philza

The father of Techno, Wilbur and Tommy. I know a lot of people make Phil just a much older brother, but the Dadza content is just too much for me to ignore

He’s always tried his best for his sons. He’s a good father who tries to balance his sons desires with what’s best for them. His boys mean the world to him.

As a father, he’s firm but never strict. He wants the boys to be their own people, but knows he needs to teach them lessons and give them structure to do so.

He is NOT impartial when the boys fight. He will decide who is in the wrong and give them a lecture. If all parties are in the wrong, everyone is getting sat down and talked to. For some reason this does not deter them from fighting.

He loves seeing the boys flourish. He enjoys being wanted and parenting his sons, but seeing them become independent men is amazing to him. The day that he feels all of his sons are completely self sufficient will be the best day of his life.

His wings are just prt of him. Why he has wings isn’t fully known, he’s just a human with wings. I just like that he has wings. Whether he can fly or not is unknown.

Technoblade

Age has been tweaked to be a year older that Wilbur, give or take. He might be even less than a year older than Wilbur, but he’s older. I chose this for him simply bc Wilbur is far too chaotic to be the eldest. The vibes were off.

He’s simultaneously arrogant and awkward. He loves attention (clout) and being the best but cannot do social interaction.

Likes his chaos and anarchy, but has a line. He knows where to stop and knows when to stop his brothers.

Quite responsible. As responsible and willing to care for his brothers, he still does NOT act like a parent to them. He is nowhere near as gentle with them as Phil, and also often gets in over his head with them.

He’s the most skilled fighter around. He is infamously ruthless, and never holds back, even if his opponent is a loved one. Whether it’s swords, bows, or fists, he will come out on top. He’s had this title for quite a while.

I’ve personally interpreted his mc skin as a pig mask that he wears often. When he’s out or when he’s fighting, he wears it over his face. In company of his family, or very close friends, he wears it up on top of his head.

He played violin when he was younger, his lessons starting when he was young, and he still can play, but does not often.

Wilbur

Extreme middle child energy. He’s his own sort of unstoppable chaos. He can equally be the shitty little brother to Techno and the jerk older brother to Tommy. He also desperately craves validation in spite of how much he’s cared for, and would die for praise.

He’s well known for being well spoken and charismatic. He’s charming and always says the right words. He is amicable and gets along with almost anyone.

He’s still terribly insecure, though, and uses this as a front, putting up walls that sometimes fall if someone, usually his family strike the right place. On the opposite side of the same coin, he still has a big ego at times.

As mean or abrasive as he can be at times, he still genuinely cares about the people he loves. Even as skewed as his morals get at times, he still can be humbled at times and be his true self if something cracks him.

He is also a musician, since he plays guitar and sings, however he also writes songs and places this above performing. Being able to create as compared to Tecnho who simply plays is something he’s very prideful of. Still, writing does stress him at times, especially if he has writer block.

Pogtopia Wilbur is a man who’s lost everything. He’s grasping at straws and no longer cares about who he hurts in achieving his goals, his narcissism shining full through. He’s extremely far gone, but is not yet lost.

Side note, to differentiate between his character and irl, I use Wil for in character and Will for irl.

Tommy

Chaotic youngest sibling to the max. Every day he wakes up and chooses to be a problem. Is a bother, and loves it. Can be overly blunt sometimes and often says the wrong thing or doesn’t read the room properly. His energy never matches the others.

He’s considered the funny one of the family, but slightly dislikes this moniker as he feels like it’s far too one dimensional compared to Wil’s charisma and Techno’s violence. He wants to set himself apart but hasn’t found it yet.

Really wants to be on the same level of his brothers. There’s a significant age gap and Tommy is still just 16, but he’s already chomping at the bit to be independent.

Is fiercely loyal to his family, but especially Wilbur. When they were younger, Tommy was practically Wilbur’s shadow, and honestly, he still idolizes Wil a bit.

Tommy knows how to cut through bullshit like a champ. He is especially good at breaking down Wilbur’s walls and bring him back down to earth when he’s inflated.

Also Tommy is absolutely the main character of the DreamSMP, maybe even in general. Main character energy.

Tubbo

I try to keep my Tubbo usage as little as possible, since I know he’s a bit uncomfortable with fanfic in general. I keep him as a side character. Never about him

He’s Tommy’s best friend and will always stand by him. Tubbo simultaneously matches, increases and dampens Tommy’s chaotic abilities.

He’s a bit smarter than Tommy, and better with things like sympathy and tact.

Canonically has died once. I don’t count deaths that don’t move the plot forward as deaths due to the nature of Minecraft. He was resurrected using some special hand wave magic that I’ve used to explain respawning. It’s not quite healing nor is it necromancy. (Okay, maybe it is necromancy. I had to go check bc I didn’t know off the top of my head. I main paladins it’s not my wheelhouse)

Post festival Tubbo is covered in scars from the burns. They’re mostly on the right side of his body, and sort of start by his torso and stretch like tendrils up his neck/face and down his arm. He’s not insecure about them at all but they are a bit painful.

Tubbo does not have parents. Well, he once did but he can’t remember them. I’ve kept it vague but he likely lived with a family and was separated from them at a young age but was able to take care of himself especially after befriending Tommy some time ago.

Niki

She is incredibly kind, sensitive but equally so is she outspoken and strong willed.

She’s a healer, and is one of the few people capable of resurrecting others, though she is not the most skilled as she only learned how to do this after moving to the SMP.

She’s a bit idealistic and sees the best in everyone, unless they’re completely evil. She believes if she’s seen the good in people, they can be good.

She’s 100% the most level headed in the whole of the SMP. God help you if you cross her, though.

Like I said in my FYI, I don’t ship her with anyone!!! She’s just really sweet and lovey and if you accuse me of making ship content I’ll literally cut you.

Everyone else will probably just make cameos based solely on their SMP characters, but with the way things are looking, I actually might have to get to know more mcyters to write about them.

[alphabet-blues]

Here it is, chapter one of my baby, my magnum opus. This fic is going to be so long so I hope you guys are buckled up and ready. Each chapter also is accompanied by a literature/media excerpt and five song mini-mix as a YouTube playlist. - Venom

Read on Ao3

Title: drowning lessons

Pairing: Harley Keener/Peter Parker

Fandom: Spider-Man (Tom Holland), and MCU

Chapter: One

Rating: Explicit

Content Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Tags: Angst, Depression, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Graphic Drug usage, Addiction, Graphic Usage of Opioids, Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, brief mentions of forced prostitution, Suicidal Ideation, Suicidal Thoughts, drug overdose, Graphic Depiction of a Drug Overdose, Getting Together, Fluff, Banter, The Euphoria Fic, Blowjobs, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drug Addict Harley, Aged-Up Harley Keener, Aged-Up Peter Parker, Drowning Lessons, Falling In Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tags Are Hard, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Harley Keener Needs a Hug, Underage Drinking, Partying, Purchasing of Drugs, Harley's Nirvana Hoodie is a character

Summary: It all started with a house party and a bad idea, like most things in Harley’s life.

In which Harley takes pills, listens to Nirvana, and doesn't want to be alive anymore.

Falling for Peter is easier than breathing, and also the least of his problems.

(Also known as the Parkner Euphoria Fic)

Mini-Mix 1 for Chapter 1

The Pool Players. Seven at the Golden Shovel.

We real cool. We Left school. We

Lurk late. We Strike straight. We

Sing sin. We Thin gin. We

Jazz June. We Die soon.

- Gwendolyn Brooks

It all started with a house party and a bad idea, like most things in Harley’s life.

He was 14, and it was his first party. Well, not his first party, but his first party with actual high schoolers that involved booze that wasn’t snuck out from a parent’s meticulous liquor cabinet. Harley though, didn’t have much of a taste for alcohol.

The smell of beer on people’s clothes was tainted by memories of his Father. He’d had his first beer when he was 10, given to him by his Uncle with strict orders not to tell his Mother. It was bitter, rancid, and burned as it went down and Harley couldn’t understand how people loved this stuff. Or how his Father had chosen this over their family.

The party was a little ways out from the main road and tucked behind a line of trees that led to a few rolling fields of corn. It was October, and there was a slight chill in the air. The corn had been combined at the end of summer, leaving a desecrated patch of land in its wake. By the time next summer rolled around, there would be stalks nearly as tall as Harley. He was fascinated by the cycle of it all.

Technically, there wasn’t supposed to be any freshman at the party, but he had weaseled an invite from his friend Joey’s older brother, Mike, as long as he followed his strict orders to “be cool.” Harley could do that.

When Harley made his way into the house he watched the different crowds of upperclassmen interact. Some were dancing to the loud thumping of the music playing from the speakers by the TV in the living room, while others were huddled into tight groups, either drinking, or passing a joint around. An ache settled inside Harley’s chest.

Harley committed to his role of being a wallflower and held back from all of the groups as he made his way through the house. He had sat on the couch for close to a half-hour when someone passed him a joint and told him to take a hit. Harley did, and was careful not to choke so he didn’t look green at his first-ever real party.

The joint in question got passed around their circle a few more times until someone put it out. At that point, Harley had taken several puffs and was starting to feel light-headed and fuzzy, but in a good way.

The ache in his chest morphed - it spread warmth over Harley’s ribs and clavicle, but it still burned.

Harley floated through the house afterwards, giggling at nothing, and took whatever was offered. He drank something bitter and sour that made him want to hurl before he was passed something sickly sweet but felt like acid as it washed down. When he finally stumbled out of the house he felt a happy buzz wash over him. He could barely feel the cold nip of the air, and goosebumps raised all up along his arms.

He found his bike where he had discarded it on the grass lawn when he arrived. It was hard to see in the dark, especially with his head swimming, but he managed to pull his bike onto the road. The wind of the night air blew through his shaggy overgrown hair as it fell in his eyes. He biked down the eerily quiet streets of his hometown as the persistent aching in his chest eventually subsided, for the first time since it had arrived. No one was around, and his ears were filled with static due to the lack of sound - a sharp contrast from the thudding bass of the party.

He fell off his bike twice before he got home, and winced as his elbow got scratched up from the gravel. But instead of being frightened, he was elated, he couldn't really feel it. He snuck back into his room through the window he kept unlocked for that exact purpose, and made sure to be as quiet as possible, even though the motor functions in his hand were failing him and it took him multiple tries to get his window up.

He changed his clothes, noting how they smelled, and buried them deep into the bottom of his hamper so his Mom wouldn’t get suspicious. When he finally collapsed onto his bed he felt sated. He was warm, and the rocking of his bed from his head spinning as he closed his eyes lulled him to sleep.

It was probably the best sleep he’d gotten in years.

That was the start, but it wasn’t the beginning.

The beginning was not quite a year later, at the start of summer break. He was invited to a pool party by Mike’s friends. As soon as the sun went down they all changed out of their bathing suits and into t-shirts, and shorts. They relocated to Maddy’s basement - the girl who had been throwing the party. Harley was expecting the alcohol, and the weed. He’d gotten used to it by now, and even knew how to roll one of the best joints in town. He kept a stash in a sealed bag buried deep inside his nightstand that he would pull out and smoke in the backyard by the shed whenever things got overwhelming. Or, for when that well-known emptiness crept into his veins, that instead of making him angry, just made him sad, and desolate.

He was used to the weed, but the pills were something new. He was halfway through a joint that he had matched with a girl he vaguely recognized. She had introduced herself as “Tasha” when one of Mike’s friends stumbled over and sat down next to him. Harley passed the joint over to Tasha. His head was swimming pleasantly, and he grinned over at the guy who he was pretty sure was named Toby.

“Look what Jessica’s sister brought,” Toby said excitedly as he held up a baggy with a bunch of tiny perfectly round blue pills. “She’s like the fucking tooth fairy, I swear to God,” He crowed as he handed a pill to Harley and one to Tasha. Tasha glanced over at Harley nervously, and Harley didn’t say anything until Toby left, probably to go distribute the pills to the other partygoers.

Harley looked down at the pill he had clutched in his palm. It had a ‘5’ etched big in the center, with a smaller ‘325’ carved under it. Harley recognized the pills from health class. It was percocet.

Tasha finished the joint and then stubbed it out on a spare plate that everyone had been using as a makeshift ashtray. “I’m gonna go see what Josh is up to,” She told Harley in a small voice before handing him the pill she had been given. “I’m good with just weed.”

Harley nodded dumbly as he watched her scamper off. He took in the scene of the party going on around him as he stared at the now two pills in his hand. It felt like an old cartoon where there was an angel and devil sitting on his shoulder arguing over what he should do. He stared at it for entirely too long before he said, “Fuck it,” and swallowed one down dry. He tucked the other one into his weed grinder for safekeeping, figuring that even if he hated how it made him feel he could probably sell it to someone at school for a couple of dollars.

The next twenty minutes passed slowly as he waited anxiously for it to kick in, to see how it would feel. He didn’t feel anything for the first while and was gonna accuse Jessica’s sister of being an idiot and buying counterfeit pills when it started washing over him in waves. He went out to the back deck where the pool was, and where it was relatively empty. He sat down on the edge as his eyes went half-massed, and the ribbons of euphoria made their way through his bloodstream.

For a blissful while he didn’t feel anything. Nothing at all. He laid out flat, head facing the water, and started swirling circles in it with his pointer finger. He watched for what felt like hours as his finger caused ripples in the pool.

It wasn’t until later, much later, when Joey was helping him into his house quietly, because he was too fucked up to stand, that he pulled the grinder out of his pocket. He opened it once Joey had gone home and looked at the little pill inside of it. Harley didn’t understand alcohol, but he understood this. He would do anything to feel nothing again.

It wasn’t an all-or-nothing type beat, at least in the beginning. It was more gradual. As the low simmer of Harley’s misery built so did his coping mechanisms. It wasn’t until right after he turned 16 that he was sneaking out to parties every single weekend, coming back high, drunk, or sometimes something worse.

He bought from Jessica’s sister for a while until she left town. Then, he bounced around various dealers getting wildly different qualities. He tried a little bit of everything, and never turned down a pill if it was offered. He passed out in so many different basements he lost track. He could tell that his Mom was catching on to his worsening attitude and sunken eyes. Hell, even he had noticed the weight he had lost and how he was able to count most of his ribs without sucking in anymore. None of that mattered. All that mattered was how he could get rid of the emptiness inside of him, even if it was just for a night, or however long the drugs in his system lasted.

He got a job bagging groceries at the mini-mart downtown. Most of the people that he worked with were college burnouts who sold and did drugs whenever they weren’t showing up for a shift. He bought baggies of pills in the parking lot whenever he got off work with the money he made from his minimum wage. He knew that he couldn’t keep up the delicate balance forever, and eventually there would be a tipping of the scales.

It was a month before his 17th birthday when he ran out of money.

He needed a fix so bad that his hands were shaking and he could barely see straight. He had nearly crashed his bike 10 times on his way over to Tyler’s apartment. He wasn’t the best of dudes, but his shit was always pure, and Harley knew he could deliver.

Once Harley climbed up the steps he walked along the railing until he got to the door that led to Tyler’s apartment. He rang the doorbell as he fidgeted with his hoodie and dug his fingers into his palm so hard he nearly drew blood. When Tyler opened the door he followed him inside, chewing on his lip.

Tyler went back to his room as Harley waited anxiously in the foyer. He didn’t have any money, and he didn’t know what he was going to do. All he knew was that he needed another pill. He needed everything to stop. He bit his thumb as he waited for Tyler to come back out. After a few tense moments, Tyler came back out with a baggy full of familiar pills. He sat them down on the coffee table and glanced at Harley expectantly.

“I can pay you back next Friday. That’s when I get paid,” Harley told him, his tongue feeling thick in his mouth.

Tyler sucked on his teeth and grabbed the pills back up, before Harley had a chance to reach for them. “You still owe me for last time.”

Harley’s stomach dropped. “Right. I know that. Just- ... I can pay you back next week.”

Tyler shook his head. “And what’s in it for me?”

Harley’s eyes widened as he took in the setting of what was going on. “W-what do you mean?”

Tyler shrugged. “How bad do you want ‘em, kid?”

Harley bristled, and brought the sleeves of his hoodie down to hide his hands. He wanted to hide from the situation completely, but knew he’d be right back here tomorrow if he didn’t leave with the pills that he needed. “What do you want?”

“I heard you gave Colson head at the bonfire party a few months ago,” Tyler said, as Harley’s face burned. “You any good?”

Harley counted to 10 in his head. He thought about a lot of things in the time it took for him to count. He thought about his Mom, his Dad, and his sister. He thought about his one English teacher from the previous year who always had an absurd amount of faith in him and told him that he was capable of great things if he just put his mind to it. He thought briefly about Tony and his billions of dollars while here he was broke as shit and questioning his morals. He thought about Colson, who he’d had a crush on for a couple of months, who let him blow him at a party and then told him afterwards that he wasn’t gay, and that they probably shouldn’t do it again. Lastly, he thought about how shaky his hands were and how all of this would be over as soon as he got his hand on the pills. There were five in the baggy. If he paced himself he could last until next Friday when he got paid and he would never have to do this again.

With that resolve in mind, he closed his eyes and dropped to his knees.

| | |

When he left Tyler’s apartment he couldn’t stop wiping at his mouth, and how it felt dirty and raw. He got halfway down the street before he let his bike fall to the ground and bent over to wretch into the grass on the side of the road. He didn’t have much in his system so it was mostly just bile, but anything, literally anything, was better than the lingering taste of Tyler’s cum in his mouth that only served to remind him what he had let him do.

Once he gathered his wits back up, he was able to make it to the 7-Eleven that was only a few blocks away from his house. He parked his bike in the bike rack outside half in a daze, feeling like he was no longer inside his body. He went into the bathroom with his hood up, and made sure nobody else was inside. He wiped down the edge of the sink with soap, and dried it meticulously with the thin paper towels from the machine. He took one of the pills out of the baggie and smashed it until it was basically powder. He spread it with his finger into a line on the edge of the sink and snorted all of it in one go.

As soon as he did he felt the immediate head rush and stinging pain in his nasal cavity that made his eyes burn and well up with tears. He grabbed onto the sink for dear life as he took several deep breaths. He looked up and finally made eye contact with himself in the mirror. His hair was a messy tangle, and greasy, on top of his head. His eyes were bloodshot, and his nose was red, as well as his mouth, which looked rubbed raw. In a certain light, it could have been enticing, but Harley knew that he just really looked wrung out.

He glared at his reflection in the mirror until someone else walked into the bathroom. Harley froze in place and waited till the guy took his position at one of the far down urinals. “Whatever,” he whispered to his reflection as he turned around and left the bathroom, wiping at his nose with the bottom of his hoodie sleeve. The moment he reached his bike he felt it start to kick in and he breathed out a sigh of relief as the telltale rush he had gotten used to spread from his head down his shoulders, all the way to his toes as his chest flooded with warmth.

He just had to make it until next Friday, and then everything was going to be okay.

| | |

The thing was, Harley was a pretty angry person. He wasn’t angry all the time, but the slightest thing could set him off. He had a temper like his Dad, and it was always hard to stop himself from doing something rash, or impulsive. His Mom liked to say that he thought with his fists before his head. His anger was more like a low simmer, on a backburner constantly until something set him off and he snapped. It had only gotten worse since he started the pills, but so had everything in his life. He knew he had a problem, but that didn’t mean he wanted to stop.

Harley had been getting into fights at school for almost as long as he could remember. There was a day in elementary school where he had to wait outside the principal's office with a split lip and torn-up knuckles. He could hear his Mom crying through the door, he could hear her saying how tough it had been since Harley’s Dad had left and it made him feel awful. But, it also kind of just made him want to punch stuff more.

Kids at school were mean, but all kids who are growing are mean, and seem to have endless bouts of nasty shit to say. They picked on Harley because he was weird, and nerdy, and his Dad had left. There wasn’t even a divorce like some of the other kids in his class. He didn’t have elusive tales of two Christmases, or weekends at his Dad’s - all he eventually got was Tony Stark showing up in his garage when he was 9, before he fucked off just like everybody else. Sure, he had decked out his garage, but that didn’t mean much. Tony was a fucking billionaire, it was probably the equivalent of him giving a homeless kid on the street a 5 dollar bill.

Harley got better at learning how to deal with his anger. He also got better at not getting punched, and throwing his own. He learned how to hide bloody knuckles, or bloody noses, and only got pulled into the office a handful of times. They made him go to the school counselor and she said it was a coping mechanism; that the violence was a way for him to act out and ask for attention. Harley thought she was mostly a quack who didn’t actually give a shit about the kids she was supposed to be helping. The fighting had been self-defense, but the pills? He could admit that those were probably the coping mechanism.

Harley thought about his school counselor as he locked the door to his room and threw the baggy of pills that he had worked so hard for into his nightstand, under a pile of books he was supposed to be reading for class and knew he never would. He wondered what she would think of him now, or what he had done. He laughed mirthlessly at the picture of her horrified face as he told her that the school system had failed him, just like his Dad, and just like everybody fucking else.

Despite everything, his grades were good. Harley was smart. He knew he was smart, and that was half of his problem. He stopped having to try in school after the second week of 6th grade. He always showed up, and always finished his work though, even if he was working on his projects high out of his fucking mind. He usually wrote his best papers that way.

Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, he thought about his Dad. He thought about what his Dad would say to him and his pills. Maybe an outsider would draw parallels to him and his Father, from one addict to another. He wasn’t anything like his Father, though. Yeah, Harley had a problem, but he was still here, still doing the shit he was supposed to be doing. He was still a functioning member of society as far as he was concerned and hadn’t ran away as soon as things had gotten tough. His Father was a coward and that’s all he’d ever be.

Sometimes though, sometimes, in the dead of night when he was shaking and sweating from either a comedown, or withdrawal, he would try to discern if his Dad would be sad, if he even gave a shit at all. He wondered if he would be disappointed.

Whenever those thoughts took hold he would just text one of his friends to see if a party was going on, and there usually was. He’d smoke a joint, or take a pill that was offered and suddenly he’d forget all about the thoughts that had previously been consuming him.

But the thing about all of his anger is that he would gladly take it over the sadness. There was a hole inside of him. He wasn’t quite sure when it formed, but it was there. It threatened to consume him whole on nights he was alone and could only stare at the popcorn ceiling of his bedroom. The only time when he didn’t feel empty was when he had some chemical pumping through his veins. So that became his thing.

He couldn’t ignore though, how it was hurting everyone he loved. Abbie and his Mom never said anything, but sometimes it was like they knew. They would give him a look with their sad eyes like they wanted to help him, like they somehow had the capability to heal him. When he came home on certain nights, pupils blown and speech slurred, his Mom would look at him like he was his Father.

Maybe he was slowly becoming his Father.

Either way, it hurt, and he couldn’t stop. The only thing that didn’t hurt anymore was the dizzying rush he got whenever he snorted the pills that he had come to love so much.

There was one night that Harley could remember. He had slammed his bike on the front porch a little hard, and had made a little too much noise coming in through the window of his bedroom. He was high as shit and the world was thick, but buzzing around him. He changed out of his jeans into an undershirt, his hands fumbling and not working right, like they were no longer connected to his brain. When he finally finished his task he stumbled out into the hallway to go to the bathroom before he could pass out for school in the morning.

As soon as he got to the door of the bathroom he could hear his Mom talking in the living room, and he froze. Her voice was muffled, but he could still make out what she was saying. It sounded like she was on the phone with someone, which wouldn’t be an unusual occurrence for her, especially at this time of the night. It always made Harley smile whenever he would come home and she would be gabbing excitedly with one of her girlfriends, or spilling town gossip. This time, however, Harley could tell she wasn’t chatting with her friends.

“He’s just been so withdrawn. I know he sneaks out of the house almost every night and I don’t know if I should let him have his freedom or be concerned.” Harley heard her say, her voice sapped, and weary. “He’s so bright. You know that. I’m worried that’s going to be what gets him.” She paused for a while, so someone else on the phone must have said something. Harley took that time to let his head fall against the door of the bathroom.

Harley had a feeling the conversation was about him and it made him sick. His fuzzy brain was taking in all the words she was saying and knew that he didn’t want her to feel that way. He didn’t want her to worry. But he also couldn’t stop. His brain was whirring all the time and the only thing that ever gave him peace; a fucking reprieve, stopped the voice in his head - the one that sounded like his Father, the one that told him he was a waste of space, that he was nothing - were the pills that he took, or snorted, whichever was easier, or quicker, really. At least when he was high he was a good nothing.

“No, I know. And he’s so good sometimes. He’ll be happy and chatty, and he’s always been so good with Abbie...it could just be a teenager thing. Sometimes I’m just at a loss. I know he needs something, but I don’t know what that is.”

The world to stop turning, Harley thought, with a sudden flash of vengeance. If there was one thing he could write on his Christmas list it would be for the world to stop turning, and for him to stop breathing. But that would definitely cause his Mom more concern and he didn’t want that.

He didn’t want to listen to the conversation anymore, so he made sure to open the bathroom door obviously, and took a few stomping steps inside, hitting his hand on the counter in the process, that way she would be alerted to his presence in the hallway.

He couldn’t make out her voice after that.

Harley stared at his face in the mirror. He took in his red eyes, pupils swallowing his irises, skin pale and sickly. At one point he might have been something to look at, with sweeping blonde hair, and a crooked grin that his Mom used to always pinch and say was her favorite.

He didn’t look like that anymore.

He didn’t even look like himself anymore. His outside finally matched his inside - a hollow shell of someone pretending to be a person.

When he got out of the bathroom his Mom was no longer on the phone, and he couldn’t pretend to be anything other than absolutely exhausted, so he shuffled into his room and fell back onto his bed. He played the words she had said on the phone call over and over again in his head until he fell asleep.

| | |

Harley was smart, brilliant, actually, that was the thing. School was a breeze, but he knew that even though he kept his grades up, every time he snuck back in through his bedroom window his Mom was disappointed in him. He knew that she had no idea what he was doing, but she also wasn’t stupid, and somehow knew he was close to doing something that would throw his life away.

If only she knew that this was the only way he could keep on living. If only she knew he probably would have slit his wrists in the bathroom if those tiny little blue pills hadn’t kept him company, and drove away all the malicious clawing thoughts that flickered through his brain constantly.

Harley had an affinity for building things. He also had an affinity for hacking, which would have been worrisome if he wasn’t good enough to hardly ever get caught. After he burned his bridges with Tyler he started exploring his other options. Hacking into the local hospital’s database was so easy it was almost laughable.

He quickly learned it was going to be a dead-end because they kept all their opioids in a Pill-O-Matix which was an automatic drug dispenser that used doctors’ credentials to unlock it. Even if Harley could somehow bypass it he would have to disable the security cams, and it wasn’t something he could do on a regular basis. It wasn’t worth it.

After that, he did some digging into his local pharmacy, but that was mostly a dead end as well. Their computer systems were out of date, but most of their pill tracking was manual, as it was a tiny small-town pharmacy. If any of their opioids went missing they would surely be noticed.

So Harley started bouncing around dealers again. He knew it was dangerous. But the hole inside of him was just as, if not more dangerous, so he knew what he had to do. He got shitty pills from freshmen with older siblings that dealt; who didn’t know the worth of what they were selling. On one occasion he got a set of pills of oxy that were cut with speed that made his heart race and he felt like he was having a low-grade heart attack for hours.

He didn’t want to be this way - a junkie. But he found something that worked when nothing else had. He could feel himself getting worse and worse and knew rock bottom was just around the corner. But he couldn’t stop. He didn’t know if it was a sick desire to actually hit rock bottom and to see what that felt like, or if his own self-control had finally waned to a point of no return.

It all came to a head a week before his high school graduation.

Graduation parties were popping up all over the place, and Harley wasn’t about to miss any of them. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to see his friends (friends that he could barely even call friends anymore because he didn’t really talk to anyone who wasn’t going to eventually sell him drugs).

It wasn’t even that he wanted to have a nostalgic cry fest with all the people who had tortured him his entire adolescence. He just wanted to get as smashed as possible so he could forget everything. Then he wouldn’t have to think about college, which he couldn’t afford, or all of the stress that came with being on the cusp of adulthood.

He could tell that something was off as soon as he took the first pill. He got high quicker than usual, and he also felt higher than what was normal. He relished the buzz, every second of it, and used his impairment as an excuse as to why he took another one, and another one once it was offered. He was never one to turn down free drugs. By the time the third one kicked in he could barely walk outside. He must have fallen on the grass lawn because one minute he was looking at the driveway that led to the house, and the next minute he was blinking up at the night sky.

He didn’t even realize that he was puking until someone was rolling him over with a bruising grip on his arms and back. The bile that had been clogging his throat rose and fell out of his mouth as he heaved and heaved. He puked into the grass for what felt like ages until he tried to focus his eyes and could only make out a vague blob of a person standing over him.

“Fuck, Harley,” he could hear the voice saying, but it was distant. It sounded like they were crying, but he couldn’t figure out why they would be crying. Harley opened his mouth to speak but when he did he only choked on bile once again until he was forced to spit it out in the grass.

A loud ringing was in his ears and all the talking he could hear was muffled and unintelligible. He started shivering violently and couldn’t stop. The hand that was holding him reached for something in the pocket of his jeans but Harley could barely feel it. He came back to himself enough to glance over with glassy eyes and recognized the person as Joey. Fuck. He shouldn’t be seeing him like this.

Joey had a phone pressed to his ear, and Harley tried to piece all the details together to figure out what was going on but it was hard to think. All he could feel was the sudden pounding in his head and how his whole body ached in a way that made him feel like he had just been run over by a semi.

It could’ve been hours later, or only a few minutes, time was passing weird for Harley. But suddenly he was seeing his Mom. She was pale as a ghost as her face floated in front of him, blocking his view of the night sky. “Mom?” Harley said, not quite believing what was in front of him. Just saying those words scratched against his raw throat and suddenly Harley was so, so tired. All he wanted to do was go to sleep and never wake up.

“Harley, baby.” His Mom said, her cool hands pressed against his face. He was burning up. When did that happen? “What did you take? We need to know what you took.”

“I didn’t take anything,” Harley mumbled out, his words barely coming out as sounds or words. His Mom must have understood because her face turned thunderous.

“What did you take!” She yelled, her voice turning shrill as she screamed. Harley winced and his eyes fell shut until someone was shaking him, causing him to blearily open his eyes again. His Mom and Joey were like little pale-faced moons over his head as he could hardly make out the details of their faces, or why they were looking at him like that, or why they were so concerned. Couldn’t Harley just go to sleep?

“...hospital,” He heard his Mom say distantly. Then jerkily he was being pulled up by two pairs of hands until he was upright. The movement jostled him and his head fell back painfully like a rag doll. The sudden motion caused him to start puking again, and he bent over and heaved on an empty stomach which only made his throat feel like it had been hacked at with razor blades. Every inch of his body hurt.

He didn’t realize he had been put into a car until he was laying in the backseat while Joey held his head, probably to make sure he didn’t choke on his own vomit again. This was one of his worst nightmares. He could hardly think but suddenly he was stuck in a spiral of guilt so strong that it choked him even further. He could taste the bile he had been throwing up all over his mouth and tongue, and could hear his Mom crying from the front seat.

He was so sorry.

Nobody should be seeing him like this. All he wanted was to go home and pretend like none of this was even happening.

“I’m sorry,” Harley said, even though it was hard for him to talk. He wasn’t sure if he was talking to his Mom, Joey, or possibly both. “I’m sorry,” he kept saying in between the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

That was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.

| | |

When Harley woke up he was in a brightly lit hospital, and was lying in a bed. He had various wires hooked to his arms and he felt like death warmed over. Once he was able to blink through the blinding lights and focus on the room he noticed Abbie and Mom, both sound asleep in their own respective guest chairs. A lump formed in his throat as it settled in his bones what had happened.

| | |

After his Mom woke up they fought for what felt like hours. Eventually, it led to her crying as she said she didn’t know what to do. The pills Harley had taken at the party had been laced with fentanyl, and they had caused him to OD. The doctors had told her that he showed signs of having a long-term opioid addiction and would have to go through detox before he would be released. Harley had denied it vehemently until his Mom had told him to cut the bullshit.

In the time that it had taken him to recover he had missed graduation, and hadn’t been able to walk across the stage like the rest of his classmates. Harley pretended that it didn’t sting.

It was clear that his Mother didn’t know what to do with him, and Harley didn’t know what hurt worse, the fact that she looked at him differently now, or the fact that he had hurt her so deeply. It wasn’t until he went through the detox with gritted teeth and false promises that he would stay clean that he knew nobody really believed, that he was able to go home.

When Harley got to his room, he stopped short in the doorway and stared. All of his stuff had been packed up into bags that were sitting on his bed. He turned to look at his Mom, who was only a few feet behind him, with betrayal and fear. Was she kicking him out?

Instead of answering him right away, her eyes trained on a picture that was hung up in the hallway, just a little ways down from the entryway to Harley’s bedroom. It was a baby picture of him. His blonde hair was platinum then, but still tangled at the top of his head like a bird's nest, and he had a wide smile on his face that was completely toothless and all gums. He could see the tears welling in his Mom’s eyes as she turned back to face him.

“When you first mentioned that you wanted to take a gap year I got in touch with Tony. He gave me his number years ago and said to call if we ever needed him. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if the number was still going to work. I thought it might do you good to go and see him.” Her voice trembled then, “Lord knows he has more resources than I do.” A tear trickled down her cheek, but she continued. “I know you’re not happy here, baby. You haven’t been happy for a while, and I don’t...I don’t know what to do.”

Harley tried to let her words sink in, but they weren’t making any sense. “Since when does Tony give a shit about me?”

“Oh sweetie,” His Mom said, eyes sad. “He’s always been keeping tabs on you. He wants what’s best for you.” She seemed to gather herself together then, and her voice was less wobbly when she said, “I think a change of scenery will do you good. You have a flight to New York tomorrow morning, so you should probably get some rest.”

Harley balled his hands into fists at his sides and glared at the bags that had been packed for him. He was a problem who was being shipped off to New York because his Mom no longer knew how to handle him. He wasn’t sure what Tony fucking Stark was going to be able to do for him. The fact that he had been keeping up with Harley and how he was doing hit him as a shock because he genuinely thought that the man had forgotten about him, or at least, didn’t care for him anymore. He didn’t know how to handle the information that not only did Tony in fact care about him, but cared about him enough to open his home to him and want to help him.

“And what if I don’t want to go to New York?” Harley tested, because he always had to push.

His Mom only pursed her lips sadly. “It’s not negotiable.” She closed his door then, he guessed to give him a semblance of privacy. Not like it mattered, he was sure his room had been cleaned of all his stashes, and all his shit was packed up anyway.

Harley punched his pillow repeatedly, and screamed into it a few times before he ended up curled up in his bed and staring unblinkingly at the wall. If he was miserable in Tennessee he doubted New York was going to be much better.

Thanks for reading! This fic means so much to me and I can’t wait to hear the response to it, and post more :)

[mittensmorgul]

As Above, So Below

I’m still trying to pinpoint exactly why the focus on “heaven is fixed and actually a paradise now!” is just so deeply unsatisfying to me. And I think I need to preface this with a bit of backstory about me, because I think that gives the rest of this essay some relevant context.

I know this isn’t relevant to my main point here, but this is a metatextual and thematically identical example of the exact thing I’m gonna lay out, because context is always helpful. So please forgive this seemingly irrelevant detour, because I promise it will be relevant by the end.

(plus, would it really be an Essay By Mittens™ without at least one baffling tangent? no, it would not!)

Tangent time!

I think everyone that follows me knows how skeptical I was... or should I say how WARY I was of the way Eileen was returned to the narrative this season. We were warned in the PREVIOUS EPISODE how much Chuck was attempting to interfere in their lives. I was accused of some very nasty things, of hating the ship, or hating the character of Eileen, or of hating Sam and not wanting them to be happy. No amount of pointing at obvious warning signs in the text, no amount of yelling about Sam’s God Wound or the absolute klaxon warning that the wound had become “quiet” and his Chuck-O-Vision Nightmares had apparently stopped seemed to matter. I was declared “wrong” and told to shut up.

And then 15.09 happened, and basically everything I’d been wary of was shown to be what actually happened, but there were still unresolved issues. Eileen doubted her own feelings and walked away. She doubted what was actually real. And at the time, I said many times that I would be thrilled to see those issues resolved by the end of the season, and for her to truly know that what she’d felt growing between her and Sam was real. And by the end of the season, despite my personal horror at her previous situation (and having that personal horror compounded by the fandom literally gaslighting me and attempting to bully me into ignoring this basic actual plot detail of this specific growth process which... in the context of what my personal objection was to accepting her return at face value in the first place having been personal trauma associated with gaslighting and manipulation...) by the time 15.18 aired, I was 100% convinced that Sam and Eileen had fully chosen each other, and felt the traumatic pain Sam suffered during that text conversation with her during the snap. She NEEDED to come back, because she had been set up to be part of Sam’s Win. They were clearly each other’s future.

The show literally put in all the work to make even *me* feel this to be True and Right and Good. And then after that point we never even hear Eileen’s name again. We never were told that she was even returned at the end of 15.19. Sam, who had been so entirely devastated by her disappearance in the previous episode that he couldn’t even process it was apparently hit with an amnesia hammer and just... never even thought about her again through a long greyscale life with a blurry baby Dean factory vaguely in the background of a single scene of his life. I can’t credit or justify how after an entire year invested in making us all truly care about Sam and Eileen and the happiness they found in each other if only the cosmos would allow them to choose each other in the end would just... erase all of that in the series finale.

Which brings me to the second tangent, which is specifically about *me,* and how I feel about the cosmic order in the television show Supernatural. Because I feel a lot about it. Probably more than most people ever did. And this is also important to understanding the main underlying point I need to make here.

Something I’ve been most looking forward to, for YEARS, about Supernatural eventually ending someday was writing a book, or a thesis, or even just organizing and compiling all my observations into a cohesive narrative specifically about the cosmology of the Supernatural universe. I’ve been cobbling together my observations and realizations about the nature of heaven, hell, purgatory, the empty, the alternate universes we’ve seen, and yes, even the cosmic function of the mundane level of the story as told by events that transpired on Earth. So of everyone watching this dumb show for the last 15 years, I don’t actually know anyone who cared more that I did about finding a satisfactory resolution and transformation of every plane of existence-- the mortal world AND the “afterlife realms” we’ve experienced on this show. And in the wake of the finale, I feel cheated out of that. Because in the end, it wasn’t about the triumph of free will and a flip of the script, it was just more of the same.

And now that I have those two preliminaries out of the way, I’ll finally get to the point. :’D

(hooray, it didn’t even take 1k words to get there for once!)

The “main stage” of Supernatural has always been Earth. It’s always been “Humanity.” At the very start, we meet two men whose lives had always been dictated to them by higher powers. At first, that “higher power” was their father who raised them in his vengeance mission, who trained them to hunt the supernatural. It was the inciting incident of the entire series, after all, their realization that forces outside of their control had irrevocably altered the course of their lives. It had forever torn down what they’d trusted in family, in personal safety, and would become something they couldn’t outrun or fight back against for long before another wave of cosmic discord would settle over them once more.

We watched this story play out in ever increasing spheres of cosmic significance, until Gabriel laid it out on the table for them in the simplest possible terms (in 5.08).

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That's why there's no stopping this, because this isn't about a war. It's about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You'd think you'd be able to relate. SAM: What are you talking about? GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy's plan. You were born to this, boys. It's your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other. DEAN: What the hell are you saying? GABRIEL: Why do you think I've always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always. A long pause. SAM and DEAN look down, then at each other. DEAN: No. That's not gonna happen. GABRIEL: I'm sorry. But it is. GABRIEL sighs. GABRIEL: Guys. I wish this were a TV show. Easy answers, endings wrapped up in a bow...but this is real, and it's gonna end bloody for all of us. That's just how it's gotta be. ***

And isn’t that all even 1000x more painfully ironic that it all still happened even 10 years later? It was always going to end with them. And lol, “I wish this were a TV show” because if it was then it wouldn’t have to end bloody.

But this… was a Major Acknowledgement that the meta level of this story was consistent, and was telling us something important. It demonstrated that the Cosmic Structure Itself was the cause for Sam and Dean’s “destiny” in this story. But that’s not what the point of this story has ever been.

Nobody (including me, who is literally obsessed with this aspect of the story) has ever invested themselves in the narrative of Supernatural because they cared about the fate of the cosmic order over and above the fate of the characters who had committed to overthrowing it all, to “tearing up the pages” and writing their own destinies. I mean, we became invested because Sam, Dean, and Cas as characters took us by the hand and invited us to come along with them as they battled against fate for the good of EARTH and HUMANITY.

And certainly, Heaven being a horrific sort of eternal replay of the “highlights” of individual souls greatest hits, where free will didn’t apply as everyone was just boxed away into their individual holodecks to serve as some sort of giant Heaven Battery powering the furtherance of this narrative, this “cosmic order” that had become so powerful it dictated the events and manipulated the lives of people who still existed in the ostensible realm of free will and human life on Earth… that couldn’t stand in the end. But what the narrative (and people I’ve seen attempting to justify the finale as narratively sensible) seems to have forgotten was that all of that was Chuck’s construct to begin with. That without Chuck holding his kingdom in Heaven together, the walls of all those soul cubicles ceased to even be relevant.

After spending their entire lives to this point constantly fighting their way to the absolute pinnacle of the As Above, So Below narrative and pulling the plug on the original creator himself, Humanity should’ve triumphed. And I’d argue that it DID, through Jack restoring the missing essential “humanity” to the divine condition. And, silly me, I thought they’d achieved the promise of “paradise” heralded by Jack’s birth at last, and truly “flipped the entire script of the narrative.”

Ever since they thwarted the original apocalypse, I had hope that they would continue to achieve the same result right up the ladder. Metatron trying to fill the role of Chuck Junior hit his own narrative wall in TFW, while Dean’s battle with the Mark of Cain, and Cain telling him he was “living my life in reverse” and would succumb to destiny by killing his loved ones in the “reverse order” to Cain’s own path to downfall cemented this for me. Dean not only failed to kill any of his loved ones (you didn’t kill your own brother. why?), he SAVED them. He didn’t fulfil the prophecy in reverse, he subverted it. He UNMADE it.

Perhaps I was thinking on too grand a scale, that the ultimate inversion wouldn’t be “God is overthrown and replaced by more of the same,” but “God is overthrown and the entire order of the universe is restructured from the bottom up rather than the top down.

I’d hoped against hope that the conclusion of the narrative would be “As below, so above,” with the fundamental power of human love becoming the new foundation of the cosmic order. It never even occurred to me that “taking back the narrative to rewrite it for ourselves” was not the ultimate goal of Team Free Will, or the ultimate expression of their biggest win.

This whole “well heaven really needed to be rebuilt, there was still work to be done!” seems… irrelevant to me if they’d truly won free of the cosmic narrative. The entire structure of the universe-- including Heaven and Hell-- should’ve defaulted to the paradise state that Jack was literally born to bring to fruition. Wasn’t that the point of his entire role in the story, ultimately?

And if that wasn’t the case in the end, why did we never learn the fate of Hell? Was it just… irrelevant and unchanged after this? Or just… abandoned as a concept entirely? It’s just strange to me to put such a focus on heaven being the sole sphere of import in the end that it undercuts the essential humanity of the narrative for me.

The story itself had kept Heaven on a back burner for years, only occasionally mentioning that the structure of the place was falling further and further into disrepair with a dwindling force of angels struggling to keep the walls in place at all, that it seems like it could’ve been an afterthought at the end of the series rather than a focus so large it required the death of both main characters to make sure we all understood that Heaven Had Changed Now. Because TFW had never been fighting to make Heaven right. They’d been fighting to save the world itself, for humanity to all have a chance to live their lives as their own.

And we didn’t need to see that in the final hope they might get their own lives on Earth to explore. In the end, the fundamental narrative that Life On Earth was dictated by the cosmic structure of creation was never fully subverted. And for me, that’s the main reason I just… can’t accept the finale. It wasn’t a victory of free will and humanity, in the end it was just more of the same.

I appreciate the attempts to take the essential bones of the story we did get and apply a different polish to the surface of the skeleton, but to me it still feels like we’re looking at completely different beasts in the end. Like… to me this was as jarring a revelation as those drawing of modern animals reimagined as dinosaurs entirely based on their skeletons. Like, all along the narrative told me I was looking at a swan. They told me this skeleton they’re building out from is definitely a swan, without a doubt.  I know what a swan looks like-- a graceful feather-covered bird with magnificent wings. I trusted that in the end it would be at least remotely swan-looking. And then the finale ended up looking like this

and I just don’t even know where everything went so wrong. Or maybe all along I just assumed they actually knew what a swan looked like, but weren’t sure they could actually pull it off and settled for whatever the heck this is instead. Either way, I’m actually kinda grateful to the finale for being so entirely disappointing on every level, because otherwise I probably would’ve tried to adopt the monstrosity of it anyway. And I’m really, really glad I don’t have to.

[anxiouslyfred]

Janus Parents Who?

for @dukexietyweek‘s day 4 prompt ‘parents’

Summary: Remus and Virgil know they aren’t brothers, despite both thinking of Janus as their Dad. The argument over whose dad Janus actually is carries on through their childhoods, reconciling when Thomas accepts all his sides and eventually starting to Date. Janus just hopes there’s a final resolution to be found because the screaming is over dramatic.

Warnings: Caps Lock Screaming, arguments, spider mention,

/\/\

Janus had come out of his room some time after yelling had broken out. He knew from the start that raising and looking after Remus and Virgil would be a challenge, but had also realised within a few arguments of theirs that intervening at the beginning would only lengthen how long they might disagree for.

“Well now, you two seem to be perfectly at peace with each other. Whom shall I thank for the relaxing evening?” He got their attention in an instant, sarcasm dripping from his words.

“We aren't BROTHERS!” Remus screamed, flinging an arm towards Virgil in accusation. “You're MY DAD! Not HIS!”

“Janus was my Dad first. That means you're the adopted one!” Virgil hissed back, moving to tug on one of Janus's arms, eyes pleading for his side to be taken.

That was clearly the worst thing Janus could do. Taking either side would be bad, but letting Remus feel rejected so soon after losing his brother and the complete rejection of Thomas knowing him could quite possibly destroy what control he'd maintained.

“When did you two decide that you aren't brothers? So far as I was aware I have 2 children to look after and oh, look at this, there are 2 children living with me.” Janus played surprised, counting his fingers and then the other sides in the room. “We all know that no matter what my role is, mathematics doesn't lie.”

Today he would work soft words to calm the boys down, and try to figure out just why they no longer believed themselves to be brothers. Hopefully tomorrow he would know how to resolve the argument properly.

/jrv\

It had been a long time since Janus had seen that specific glare on Remus's face and despite the urgent summons from Patton that had brought him there, he was very tempted to just fetch something from the kitchen before going to hide.

“Janus is my Dad. You can't Have Him!” Remus growled out, and yep, the glare was for exactly the same reason it always had been. That sounded like Virgil had mentioned liking having him as a Dad once more so their old feud was beginning all over again.

“Dude, it was Roman who said Janus acts like my Dad and he's always been that to me anyway. You can't dictate who my Parent is.” Virgil had almost hit Roman in the gesture towards him while glaring at Remus.

Patton was already hurrying over, ever ready to try calming down any argument. “Come on kiddo's. Being a Dad to one person doesn't mean you can't be to someone else. I thought you liked each other now so why not try-”

“WE AREN'T BROTHERS!” Janus had yanked his hat down to cover his ears just in time to muffle the combined scream of Remus and Virgil. He'd still never got a good explanation over why that decision was made but had learnt a million times over not to question it.

“Yes, that's been blatantly obvious as long as I've know you both. You're as different as Roman and Remus, I'm sure.” Janus drawled, mostly just to get the attention away from Patton before he tried again to suggest they could be.

It was almost too predictable that both sides he'd raised immediately gestured to the other angrily. “Tell him I'm your son and he isn't!”

“Hang on, Remus is my brother. Should I be included in this argument or not?” Roman's question only caused more arguing between Virgil and Remus, things Janus had heard them say a million times.

Only after Logan had emerged wondering what all the noise was about did Janus realise the vehemence wasn't in the argument any more. It was almost like the pair were just arguing over who he was a parent to as a way to reconnect with each other. Perhaps he wouldn't ask Patton what to tell them about who he was a parent to; not just yet anyway.

/VJR\

Remus and Virgil starting to date should have settled the issue.

Seriously, Janus could not believe that they still wanted to know who he was a true parent to after all this time and was honestly convinced that no side was actually a parent to any other. It wouldn't make sense for there to be parental relationships among the sides, given they were all just parts of what made up Thomas Sanders.

One thing was clear though and that between Roman, Remus and Virgil there had been an agreement struck that they were the children of the family and all children must have parents. Perhaps it was something to do with how they used the imagination to create and resolve situations or something, but the trio were resolute. If only they could be equally resolute on who was their assigned parents.

“JANUS IS MY DAD! PRODIGAL SON IF YOUR GOING TO QUOTE THE FUCKING BIBLE AT ME!!” Virgil's scream broke through what had been a quiet afternoon as he stormed out of his room and down into the living room.

Remus was already giving chase though. “MINE! At least I stuck with him and listen to the rules he makes!”

“That doesn't make you his son, it makes you a fucking suck-up!”Virgil hissed back. “Besides families have arguments sometimes. Don't try to claim otherwise cause I've seen how you react to your dearest brother.”

As ever when Roman was mentioned in a vaguely complimentary way he spoke up, “Well how about that, I already have a Dad, so maybe Janus actually is Virgil's dad after all.”

Only a beat of silenced passed before Remus was screaming, wailing almost over being the rejected son, abandoned at birth, with Virgil wrapped around him and glaring for anybody to agree with Roman.

“No no no, Octospider, you weren't. You were always loved and I can't imagine anybody doing something like that. Janus must be your Dad, cause nobody could bare to lose a wonderful gremlin like you.” The crooning words made all the other sides, now all present after hearing the screams, freeze.

Patton had been moving forwards at Roman's reasoning to agree and make some dad jokes to try and finally settle the ongoing dispute, never thinking about what that would mean given the divide split the sides for most of Thomas's life. Now he could only hope Roman had some other idea that would calm them both down whenever the brother comment was actually questioned and glanced to Janus to check how he'd taken Virgil's change of heart.

Janus had already moved to join Virgil in holding Remus, “There we go Darling. I'm your Dad, and have always kept you with me. Nobody has been rejecting you here, just hoarding your madness all for myself. It was far to precious to even dream of sharing when you were younger.”

“B-b-b-But Patton Hates me and he's Roman's Dad, how – how can I be yours when my brother is his?” Remus managed to ask, burying himself in Virgil's hoodie after asking the question. It looked like there could be tentacles as well as arms tying Remus to his boyfriend as he continued to wail.

“Must have been a really messy break up, I guess. We're like Parent Swap twins. Janus and Patton had such a big falling out they each took one of us and vowed to never see each other again.” Roman mused, nodding encouragingly at the questioning glances he got from the 3 other sides still standing.

Virgil's arms tightened then, his eyeshadow lengthening on his face, even as he kept up soothing strokes over Remus's back. “So I was the abandoned child then?”

“We are all the same age, Virgil. I don't think any of us even have parents, let alone understand all this drama for seeking them out.” Logan began, only to be cut of by a small cheer Roman made.

“Adopted out, I believe. After all our teacher was far too focused on making Thomas learn all the things and discover even more for much of our youth, but as soon as you started becoming known to Thomas was more than ready to help you through your worries.” Roman had moved over to Logan's side while speaking, listing out his reasoning excitedly. “Therefore we must believe that Logan is your Dad, Dearest Nightmare, but found himself unable to care for you and help Thomas with learning everything a young mind can so asked if Janus might raise you instead.”

Remus peeked out of the hoodie now, glancing suspiciously from Logan to Virgil's face. “I copied my eyeshadow from you. You just started getting it some mornings. Was that cause you couldn't try to steal Logan's glasses? I can make you some now if you like?” He offered.

“No need. Though I guess we need to find some other random thing to argue over now. Who's the better kisser perhaps?” Virgil offered, snickering at the confused glances they were now being shot.

Remus just pulled him down into a kiss before darting away. “I already won that one. What other suggestions do you have?”

Virgil watched him leave getting to his feet after a moment. “Thanks for the solution Roman, but seriously, if you ever upset Remus by making him feel abandoned again all the spiders in the house will find their way to your room, possibly including the ones from the imagination too.” With those parting words he hurried to follow Remus.

“Young love?” Patton asked, somewhere between thinking the scene was adorable and wondering what on earth just happened. Janus could only nod, feeling exactly the same over the two sides he had raised.

At least there was some story over how they weren't brothers now.

[anotheronechicagobog]

Functional Dysfunction - Rheese - Chapter 5 - It Isn’t Salad

written by @anotheronechicagobog

warnings: swearing, mention of abortion, mention of attempting to force abortion, unplanned preganancy, Connor and Robin are still together, Jimmy is still an ass, but now so is Chilli

The next day everyone was acting weird around her. Manning and Maggie were now running away from her, Halstead couldn't meet her eyes, Choi pretended to take a phone call when they were alone in the doctor's lounge, and Doris was completely silent. That never happened. She gossiped about anything and everything, until now Sarah hadn't believed there was a force on earth powerful enough to shut her up. 

A distraction came in the form of a mass casualty structural collapse at a construction site. Injured workers flooded in, while Sarah and Choi were tasked with going to the scene and treating people in the field. It was Sarah's first time working like that. So far it had only been fully stocked EDs or ORs with copious amounts of staff ready to jump into action. Here there were limited supplies, limited staff, and unlimited chaos.

So far the building they were constructing was a small five-story apartment building, it didn't have any walls or floors, it was just metal beams and underlying structure. Half of the crossbeams had just... Come off, taking the workers that were on them, towards the concrete foundation, where other workers were. It was a grizzly, awful site. There were going to be so many casualties, no doubt about it. She reached her first patient, a woman no older than twenty, whose arm was being crushed by a beam near the shoulder. It was purple. She had to amputate.

Red tag, red tag, black tag, red tag, black tag, black tag, black tag, red tag, green tag, black tag, red tag.

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She hadn’t eaten in ten hours and there were two more action-packed hours left in her shift. While she was finally back in the hospital, she couldn’t help but feel like she was still at the disaster site. One wrong move, one wrong word, and tragedy would occur. Of course at Gaffney it would be social tragedy, but still, she felt like she was navigating a mine field. She’d been on her feet non-stop since her shift started and she was feeling more mentally drained than physically drained. The other interns looked at her the way she imagined vultures would, beady eyes looking at your dying soul, ready to devour your corpse. Except... She wasn’t dying. She was in perfect health, it was apparent that they thought her career was about to be drop-kicked into an active volcano. Boy were they in for a surprise.

“Dr. Reese, scrub up, I need you in the OR with me.” Chad Dovingly, the resident “legacy” intern, almost yelled at Dr. Abrams, but Sarah watched him stop himself. “Sam-”

“Do not call me by my first name, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that. Call me ‘Dr. Abrams’ or don’t speak to me at all.”

“Right, right, my apologies. Dr. Abrams, are you sure that Dr. Reese is the right choice? I mean, I was literally born to be a surgeon, I was in the top ten at my med school, and Dr. Reese, well... Is this because she’s pregnant-”

“Stop. Talking. You may have been in the top ten of your class, but she was the first in hers. She has shown far more dedication and skill than any of you here, and I will not stand here while you not only accuse me of favouritism, but belittle your colleague and fellow intern because of a matter that is absolutely none of your business. The reason you aren’t scrubbing in as much is that you’re not good enough to yet, so if you want to scrub in more, prove to me that you’re worthy of it, because honestly so far Dr. Reese and Dr. Kim are the only ones who have done so.” He dismissed the other interns with only a head nod, leaving the two of them alone in the hallway. “Dr. Reese, the surgery is in two hours. Read up on the procedure and eat something, then meet me in OR four.” The confusion must have been displayed on her face so he sighed and pulled her to the side away from the other interns. “Dr. Manning cornered me earlier and informed me that you’ve been on your feet all day, and you’re going to be staying late. So eat something and then join me in the OR.”

“Oh, okay, I’ll see you in two hours then.”

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She had a sandwich in her bag, but she doubted that the cold cut meats would still taste good after all this time. She debated going to the cafeteria but at this time all that would be available was heavy fast food. “Sarah?”

“Hi Dr. Manning, don’t worry Dr. Abrams ordered me to eat something before I join him in the OR.”

“Good. I was actually coming to get you, we ordered pizza down in the ED and I was wondering if you wanted to join us?”

“Something tells me you’re not going to take ‘no’ for an answer.”

“A correct assumption, come on it should be here by now.”

They were almost at the doctor’s lounge when Sarah couldn’t ignore the need to ask anymore. “... You know, don’t you?”

“Yes. We all do. I’m sorry that we’ve been avoiding you all day, we just didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

“What sur-”

“SURPRISE!” Sarah jumped out of her skin and then looked around the lounge. There was a shiny blue ‘congratulations’ banner along the back wall, streamers taped to the ceiling and a stack of pizza boxes on the table. “We want you to know that we’re here for you and that we’re happy for you. I know that you don’t have a lot of time, she needs to scrub up at OR four in... one hour and fifty-one minutes, but celebrate with us a little now, we just want to make sure that you feel supported.”

“And that you eat, no one needs you fainting in an OR.”

“Thank you, all of you, so much... I really appreciate this, I was pretty scared at first, I still am, but I’m confident in my decision.”

“Trust me, we know Sarah.” Puzzled, she looked around at her co-workers and found them all snickering in the direction of Connor and Robin. Connor blushed and lowered his head with anawkward smirk while Robin rolled her eyes. “Doris tried to talk smack and I can honestly say that I have never seen someone get verbally eviscerated so viciously. Showed all of us not to mess with Robin.” Everyone around her chuckled and seemed to unanimously agree with Maggie. “Thanks.”

“No problem, Sarah. Besides I think it was about time someone knocked her down a peg. I mean, I know that gossip is just a part of hospital life, but she just takes it to a whole other level.”

Maggie and Nat were the least tense around her since this whole thing started, Choi and Halstead just seemed relieved that there wasn’t anything wrong with her, April and Noah just seemed content to make her laugh as loud as possible, Robin made sassy quips about the two of them sticking together, and Connor just made sure she always had pizza on her plate. They exchanged a smile when he made sure that she was the first one to eat ‘I know that it’s not salad but it’s still pretty good’. Sarah couldn’t have been more delighted to see Connor moving more freely, lighter, with an enormous weight having been removed from his shoulders.

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The surgery... Did not go well, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault thankfully. Their patient had the largest tumor she’d ever seen in the centre of their brain and when Dr. Abrams removed it, it looked horrifying to be frank. There was literally a hole in this poor man’s brain which unfortunately resulted in brain damage. It was a serious risk from the beginning, so the patient and family had been informed numerous times in the days leading up to and of the surgery. Delivering that news had been assigned to Sarah and she was not looking forward to it. She left the recovery suite where the patient has just been examined after waking up and went to the waiting room where his husband was waiting along with his twin sister were after Dr. Abrams told them to wait while they examined him. “How is he?”

“He’s okay, right?”

“I am so sorry to tell you this, but he did sustain significant brain damage and it’s very likely that it’s permanent. There’s also a possibility that he could... Pass away due to the severity.” The second that the word ‘sorry’ was out of her mouth they both broke down in tears, holding onto each other for dear life. “You can see him, if you want, and I can explain a few things. Dr. Abrams will check on him again tomorrow at seven am, to give him more time to improve-”

“So, he could get better, my brother could recover.”

“I need to stress that while that is a vague possibility, it is incredibly unlikely, and I don’t want to get your hopes up. I’m so sorry.”

“... Can you take us to him? Or at least me? I totally understand if you can’t see him yet, he’s your twin, but... We- He’s the love of my life. I need to see him.” Sarah nodded and gestured for them to follow her, she wasn’t sure if his sister would at first, but she did, with a far-off, grave look in her eyes. Sarah tried not to think about it, after all, this poor woman was just told her twin brother suffered brain damage and would probably never be the same again, she was allowed to react however she needed to. Still... Sarah couldn’t help but feel like foreshadowing had taken physical form, like her patient’s sister knew more than she was saying. 

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Sarah had forty minutes left in her shift when alarms started blaring. She knew before she even turned around who it was and what the outcome would be. Despite being in her usual ‘crap someone’s dying’ speed her ankles felt like lead, and her soul had stayed at the computer she was working on. Her mind was still there, still searching her head for the best course of action before conducting it, giving orders to nurses, telling someone to get his loved ones out of the room, and shouting for someone to page the on-call neurosurgeon... But it was no use. And from the way everyone was looking at each other that this was the outcome they expected. “Time of death, 21:37.” Her voice felt so out of place, the vibrations her thoat made were irritating. The late patient’s fiance and sister were in the doorway. He was sobbing so inconsolably, so loud, it made Sarah’s heart clench. She however, looked numb, like a part of her just died. She looked Srah dead in the eyes and Sarah’s heart broke all over again. She’d known. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you Dr. Reese... I know that you and Dr. Abrams did everything you could. Could- could we have a moment with my brother? To say... Goodbye?”

“Of course.”

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When she finally left the hospital she was in tatters. She wasn’t sure if it was the pregnancy hormones or if it was her patient’s death, but all that she really wanted to do was cry. No, she needed to cry. Sadness and despair was bubbling up inside of her and she just didn’t want to keep it inside her. But of course the universe had other plans. When she finally made it to her car the last two people she wanted to see were standing beside it and sitting on it. She sighed, on the verge of tears and not in any mood to deal with either of them. “Jimmy. Chilli.”

“We need to talk.”

“We don’t actually. We really, really don’t. You don’t want to be involved and that’s fine. When they’re born we’ll do a paternity test because that’s what’s required for you to sign away your rights, and then you’ll do just that, and then you’ll walk away. It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. I’m not okay with you having my baby.”

“And I’m not okay with it either, he’s my... Boyfriend and I don’t want another chick to have his child.”

“Okay, first of all, neither of you get a say and whether or not I have this child. My body, my decision, that’s it. Second, Chilli, you have absolutely no say here in anything. You are not the mother or the father and I’m not even sure if you guys are dating given your hesitation in calling Jimmy your ‘boyfriend’ and you have such a volatile on/off relationship, you get zero say in anything even remotely related to my baby.”

“HEY! DON’T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT-”

“Speak to me like an adult or don’t speak to me at all. You don’t get to yell at me, you don’t get to use that tone with me, it’s not okay.”

“I CAN SPEAK TO YOU HOWEVER I WANT! AND YOU ARE GETTING AN ABORTION EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF!” In the next three seconds Sarah observed three things:

There were two of them and one of her

They were in a dimly lit, poorly monitored parking garage alone

They had to deal with violent people at their jobs more than she did and would likely overpower her

“The hell she is! She made her choice Borelli and you didn’t get a say in it!” Okay, so #2 was not true apparently, as Connor walked closer to them from the entrance. “This isn’t any of your business doc, so just go, okay?”

“You’re threatening my friend in a dark parking garage. Yes, it is my business. But it isn’t yours, you’ve said that you don’t want to be a dad, so you won’t be, and I don’t even know why Chilli is here, so you two need to get off of Sarah’s car and leave her alone.”

“No. We don’t have to listen to you. I’ll talk to her however I fucking want, I don’t have to move away from her car, and Chilli doesn’t have to get off it. Fuck. Off.”

“Connor, you worked a long shift, you shouldn’t have to stay for this, I’ll figure it out.”

“I appreciate the thought Sarah, but you worked a long day too and I’m seriously worried about your safety around them. Why don’t I just drive you home? It really isn’t a big deal.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am-”

“HEY! DON’T TALK ABOUT US LIKE WE AREN’T HERE! AND THIS ISN’T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS!”

“Oh, go suck an egg, Borelli. Lead the way, Connor.”

“Gladly.”

They’d managed to make it to his car before the, quite honestly delusional, couple(?) realized they were seriously leaving, and Connor was pulling away with them shouting expletives and trying to chase the car on foot. “Thanks Connor, I really appreciate this.”

“Anytime Sarah, seriously. I care about you, you’ve become someone I trust and I want you to be safe and happy. I’ll help to make that happen if you ever need it.” Maybe it was the hormones, the encounter with Jimmy and Chilli, or the day just catching up with her, but she just couldn’t keep the exhaustion and gratitude out of her voice. “Thank you.”

[a-solitary-marshmallow]

Rewind Chapter 11 - Epilogue

“Will I remember any of this?”

Ford paused, hands stilling on his workbench as he considered the question. “…I don’t know.”

Stan swung his legs idly from where he was perched on another table in Ford’s lab, watching the nerd fiddle with his vials. One of them had a glimmering rainbow liquid in it that kinda looked like unicorn blood. “You said when I was an adult we were fighting. Do you think we’re just gonna keep fighting?”

“We’ll always be fighting a little bit.” Ford hedged.

“No, I mean real fighting. Not just arguments and stuff.”

“Then… no, not if I have any say in it.”

:readmore:

“Good.” Stan folded his arms. “Adult me kinda sounds like a jerk, so you gotta tell him I said to be nice. And you’ve been kind of a jerk too, so you also have to be nice.”

“I doubt a grown-up you will follow the instructions of a baby.”

“Hey! I’m not a baby!” Stan found a crumpled piece of paper nearby and lobbed it at Ford’s head. He missed, but it was the thought that counted. Ford let out a huff.

“Don’t throw things when I’m working with chemicals, Stanley. Unless you want me to spill it on myself and also turn into a baby. Then who would cure you?”

“Not a baby!”

Stan didn’t throw anything else, though. Only because there was nothing nearby to throw.

“I honestly don’t know how much you’ll remember.” Ford admitted after a while, twirling a test tube to mix its contents. It looked pretty boring for what was basically a magic potion, just clear and grey. It wasn’t even bubbling. “You might completely forget everything that happened when you were de-aged. In which case, I don’t know how I’ll explain everything.”

“Just start with the story of how I defeated an evil dream demon. It’s the coolest part.”

“It’s the most exciting part of the story,” Ford allowed, “But not the best place to start.”

“It’s the hook! That’s the best part of a story, you know.”

Ford lifted the boring test tube up to inspect it in the light. When Stan looked closer, it didn’t seem as clear – as he watched it was slowly getting cloudier, more silver than grey. He vaguely remembered something about that from science class – did that mean there was a chemical reaction? Or a physical reaction? He could never remember the difference between them.

Ford stared pensively at the vial, and after a few moments Stan cleared his throat. “Is that it?”

“Yes.” Ford started to turn to him and then hesitated again. “You just have to drink this to go back to your real age. I… hm. Are you ready? Do you want to have something to eat first? Or maybe go to bed and have it in the morning?”

Stan blinked. “It’s gonna make me older again, right? Why wait?”

“Well, I don’t know.” When Stan made grabby hands Ford relented and handed over the vial. It was cold to the touch, like it had just come from the fridge. Stan stared at the thick, silvery liquid and wondered what it would taste like. “When you touched water from the spring of youth you passed out for several hours. The same thing could happen now, so we should move you somewhere comfortable before you drink-”

Stan tipped the vial and swallowed its contents in one big gulp. Ford shrieked.

“Stanley! Why would you do that?”

It tasted kinda like dirty, metallic oranges and Stan screwed up his face. “Ew! Couldn’t you at least make it taste nice?”

Ford retorted something, but the sounds were a bit wobbly in his ears. Stan blinked hard to try and make his vision make sense. It was just a little bit off, fuzzy in the corners of his vision.

“…getting dizzy?” Ford’s voice swam through the air, thick and swampy, like Stan was breathing treacle. “…lie down…”

And then, quick as blinking, he was on the floor. That was rude, for the world to just flip over like that. Everything was clouds and Stan was very, very sleepy.

Something else was said, but he was too far away to hear it.

 _______________________________________________________________

When consciousness came – and it did come, as much as Stan wished he could sleep forever, dragging him up from the depths of hazy dreams he couldn’t remember – he knew exactly where he was.

There were soft sheets against his back, the faint whistle of wind through the pines outside, the taste of copper on his tongue. The spare bed felt smaller, now, and when his head shifted his stubbly cheek scratched against the pillow. It smelled faintly like dust.

“Stan? Are you waking up?”

Okay, that was Ford’s voice. But, there was still the possibility that this had all been a weird, vivid dream! That’s right, everything from the last couple days had been a dream. There were no gnomes, no dream demons, and in a moment Stan would open his eyes and be back inside the Stanleymobile.

He cracked his eyes open, blinking at the assault of light, and saw his brother’s face looking back at him.

…shit.

“Stan? Are you alright?” Ford was tapping his cheek, looking for a reaction. Stan grumbled and brushed him away.

“I’m fine. Hands off the merchandise.” His voice was rough with sleep, and Stan was almost surprised by how deep and gravelly it was compared to the childish squeaking he’d been doing lately.

Ford made a face, somewhere between worried and amused – an expression that Stan was familiar with from the last couple days. Dammit. He just had to remember all that. Ugh, and now Ford would want to talk and get all mushy.

“I’m fine.” Stan repeated, with nothing else to say. He got up on his elbows, and a quick glance around the room confirmed they were in the spare room he’d been sleeping in the last couple days. Still, he asked. “Where are we?”

“How much do you remember?” Ford asked urgently, making Stan blink. “Since you arrived here, I mean.”

“Uh… nothing.” He lied, like a liar. Ford’s face fell.

“…oh.”

Yeah, there was no way he could tell the truth here. He would die of embarrassment if he had to admit he remembered acting like a child and being all…sappy. Ford would look at him all weird and they would have to talk and that was just… ugh.

“Yep! I just remember getting here and then – poof! Nothing.” Stan went for a carefree laugh. “Man, did I get hit on the head with a coconut or something?”

Ford lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, looking crestfallen. “No, not quite. Do you – remember the argument we had?”

Nope, nope, feelings alert. Stan did not want to delve into that conversation.

“What argument? Probably about you being a nerd, huh? Jeez, am I hungry, you got any food in this joint?”

“Wha-”

Stan was already throwing the covers off (thank god he was wearing a nightrobe underneath, he didn’t think his pride could survive another hit). Ford spluttered as he got to his feet.

“Will you slow down?”

 ______________________________________________________________

After a couple tests which were obviously unnecessary (but Ford insist on anyway, the nerd) Stan was finally free to pull on some actual clothes and follow Ford to the kitchen. He hadn’t been lying earlier, hunger really was gnawing in his stomach, and he made a beeline for the fridge.

“-and so you were reverted back into a child,” Ford continued. The guy had absolutely no showmanship. Way to lose an audience, Stan muttered to himself as he grabbed the fridge door. He’d told him to start with the demon bit, but noooo. “That was a couple days ago. There have been some – well, it’s been eventful. I doubt you’ll believe me if I told you.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“By the way, my friend is on his way.” Ford added. Stan ducked down to inspect the fridge’s contents – at least it was better stocked than when he first arrived. He hummed in acknowledgement. “You – well, I suppose you won’t remember him. You’ll like him though. You did.”

“Is he a nerd liked you?”

Ford snorted.

Stan grabbed a box of leftover pasta and then went in search of a fork. “Well, let’s hope this Fiddleford guy can tell stories better than you, ya almost put me to sleep with the way you tell it.”

When he turned around, Ford was staring at him.

It took a moment for him to realize his mistake – by the time Stan opened his mouth to spew out some bullshit excuse, Ford was pointing an accusing finger at him.

“I didn’t tell you his name!”

“Yes you did!” Stan spluttered. “I mean, how else would I know his name unless you told me, huh? You ever think about that?”

Ford narrowed his eyes. “Stanley.”

“Stanford.” He parroted right back. The staring match continued for a few moments before Ford threw up his hands.

“Unbelievable! You’re such a liar.”

Stan took a large bite of pasta. Because he was hungry, not because he didn’t want to answer. Ford glared at him.

“I should have known you’d try to wriggle your way out of this. ‘I don’t remember’ my ass. What, were you just going to leave and pretend none of this ever happened?”

Stan shoveled more pasta into his mouth.

“Don’t think you can avoid talking with me. We are having this conversation whether you like it or not.”

‘No, we’re really not’ is what Stan meant to say. Unfortunately, the moment he took a breath to speak he started choking. Ford scowled and thumped him on the back as he coughed, getting bits of pasta all over the kitchen floor.

“Unbelievable.” The nerd said again.

 Well, so much for that.

  _______________________________________________________________

Stan squirmed under his brother’s glare – the whole ‘pacing and towering over him while Stan sat on the couch like a scolded child’ schtick was uncannily similar to what their mother would do when they earned her ire.

“So.” Ford began. “You remember childhood.”

“Yep.” Stan grumbled.

“Your adult life?”

“Mm hm.”

“The last couple days here and everything that occurred while you were reverted?”

“Mm.”

Ford stopped his pacing to turn to him. “Then why on earth did you try to pretend you didn’t? We even made up!”

Stan buried his face in his hands to try and hide its burning. “I don’t know! I knew you’d try and get all…” He shuddered. “Mushy. Feeling-y.”

Stan could just feel the flat look his brother was giving him.

“Okay, fine, look. You forgave me for breaking your project, I forgave you for being a jerk. We’re good. Now, I’m just gonna head home-”

“You’re homeless.”

“You don’t know that!” Stan looked up from behind his hands to see Ford folding his arms. “I could have a, a house, a mansion even!”

“You have a mullet.”

…okay, Ford had him there. Stan scowled. “What’s the plan then, smart guy?”

Ford’s eyes gleamed, and he immediately regretted asking.

“I’m glad you asked, Stanley! I’ve had plenty of time to think over these last couple days. First of all, the Duskertons are looking for someone to help around their store, and no one in Gravity Falls cares much about credentials – I’m pretty sure the man who works at the post office is just a bunch of gnomes in a trench coat ­– so your lack if identification shouldn’t be a problem if you’re looking for a job. There’s also Boyish Dan, his family owns a logging company and I’m sure you could get a place there if you wanted. You’re welcome to stay in my house for as long as you need – I’m sure there are some places in town if you want to rent instead, though. If you choose to stay I might ask for your help in some of my research, since Fiddleford has decided to take a break from studying Gravity Falls, which I don’t blame him for.”

Stan blinked, but Ford wasn’t finished, ticking things off on his fingers as he went.

“I’ll also need to keep you under observation for a while to ensure that there are no side effects from the fountain of youth water, so I’ll ask you to stay around for at least a couple days. If you decide to leave Gravity Falls after that period, you’ll need to give me your phone number so we can keep contact. Oh, scratch that, I’ll make a new one – I’m sure I can work up a design that isn’t as flimsy as the current models going around.”

“Uh-”

Stan was saved from having to answer (answer? There wasn’t much of a question but Ford was looking at him expectantly and he didn’t know what he was supposed to say) by a light knock on the door. Ford perked up and rushed to answer it.

“Am I intruding?” Fiddleford’s hesitant voice rang out. Ford shook his head and stood aside to usher the smaller man inside.

“Not at all, come in. It’s good to see you.”

Fiddleford stopped in his tracks when he laid eyes on Stan on the couch.

Ugh, he was already getting a headache. Now came the judgement. Stan looked like a mess, he knew he did – unshaven, with bags under his bloodshot eyes and ragged hair and old scars crisscrossing his arms. Some small, childish part of him wanted to jump up and hug the guy. Gross. Instead he shoved down the nervousness, stood, and gave him a lazy two-fingered salute.

“…Stanley?” Fiddleford tilted his head, eyes scanning him. Stanley shrugged uncomfortably. It was weird, towering over the small guy like this.

“Hey.”

“Well, you grew up big. The spittin’ image of yer brother.” Fiddleford gave a little smile and stuck out his hand. “Pleasure meetin’ ya, officially this time.”

“Eh, you too.” Stan shook the offered hand. It was small, frail, but gripped his firmly.

“So are you stickin’ around?”

Stan hesitated. He glanced from Fiddleford’s earnest face, to his own rough hand, to Ford’s careful expression – the look of someone trying hard not to look like they were listening.

“…yeah. Yeah, I think I’m gonna stick around.”

[whumpmatsus]

So you can, nice.

I been wandering if you could write something about a painful love triangle between iromatsu and a new neighbor they have met and become Friends with.

She is like the epic older sister type, but with some depression and emptiness. Best if her name was Irusu. She likes to pet the sextuplets.

ichimatsu happen to fall for her thinking she is similar to him and karamatsu falling for her strong personality thinking it was beautiful.

however when karamatsu realized that ichi love her too and saw how close they are. he had a emotional battle with himself not knowing if he should choose his happiness or his brother's, in the end he chose what he thought is the best for them all and immediately give up on her and start avoiding her not knowing that the girl actually have a crush on him (lot of details, ik)

eventually the girl got hurt from Karamatsu action and blamed her foolish messed up self.

Ichimatsu who know the girl's feelings get into a fight with karamatsu and they got injured both physically and emotionally.

I don't know about the ending tho, you can write whatever you want I'm only here to give pain to my heart.

It's a bit long so take your time and don't overdo it pls, love ya💙

ahahaha sorry, was the request "yo girl how much emotional Iromatsu shit can you fit into less than 3000 words?"

... the answer is literally all of it

this was fun, Iromatsu fighting hurts my heart but also I love it, that angst is delicious :D

I made the ending vague in order both to let people imagine their own ending AND to set up for a possible sequel if anybody wants one!

love ya too, I hope this is good for you *fingerguns*

-

For the first time in a long time, Akatsuka Ward has a new resident.

For the first time in an even longer time, she’s been hanging around the Matsuno sextuplets as if they’re her only friends.

As far as anyone else knows, that might be the truth. No one ever sees her with anyone else aside from the times she happens to work, and the brothers all seem incredibly fond of her, so there’s really no reason to find anyone else when she has six new friends.

Irusu is maybe a strange kind of young lady, but no stranger than the rest of Akatsuka’s inhabitants, to be fair. Around the sextuplets, she doesn’t really rest in making sure they’re all taken care of and happy.

She accompanies Osomatsu to the pachinko parlor, often putting her own money into the machines so he can play. She sits next to Karamatsu on the roof, listening to him play guitar and singing along. She collects magazine articles about idols and proudly sets them into Choromatsu’s hands when she comes over. She brings over food for Ichimatsu’s cats, giving little kissy noises as she feeds them. She always offers to play baseball with Jyushimatsu, even though it always leads to exhaustion later. She displays an incredible willingness to star in selfies with Totty and makes him laugh with silly poses.

And if she’s not doing any of those things, she’s got one of their heads in her lap, stroking through their hair. More than one fight has broken out over who gets to be petted the most on any given day.

All in all, they love having her around. It’s been so long since any of them had a real friend outside the family who treated them so kindly.

Is it really any wonder at least one of them ended up falling head over heels for her?

… Actually, is it really any wonder two of them did?

Neither of them is sure who fell first, though they’re not sure it really matters since they can’t really call ‘dibs’ on a person. All they know is that Ichimatsu is drawn to the similarities between himself and Irusu, sensing a kind of heavy-weighing sadness and darkness inside her that’s not unlike his own… and that Karamatsu is pulled in by her strength and kindness, in awe of someone who can be so brave even when she’s suffering herself.

For the month or so after Karamatsu became aware of his little brother’s feelings, he’s been wrestling with his own heart. What kind of horrible older brother would he be if he stole the affections of someone Ichimatsu’s heart is also pining after? Can he even set aside his own selfish emotions when he’s never quite felt like this for someone before?

The whole thing is just awful. Often as brothers they would playfully fight over Totoko, and yet this is… different. This isn’t Totoko. It’s Irusu. It’s someone that one of them might actually have a shot with.

What is he supposed to do? For once in his life, he wants to step up and have a chance, to not immediately give in to his generosity and wanting his little brother to be happy. He wants to be happy. It’s a shame that he does want Ichimatsu to be happy, too. At the very least, he doesn’t want his happiness to have a hand in Ichimatsu’s pain.

He thinks too long and too hard. Every cheesy romantic line that he aims at Irusu and every time she smiles at him ― it’s getting more difficult to take. Every time she caresses his head. Every hug they share.

Every time he notices Ichimatsu tense up whenever Karamatsu flirts with Irusu. Every time Ichimatsu clenches his fists when she’s charmed by something Karamatsu does or says. Every time he looks angry and insecure when she calls him ‘Irusu boy’ and proclaims herself ‘Karamatsu girl’, even if it’s probably just a joke.

Those are the things he thinks he notices more than any of Irusu’s reactions.

He wants so much to be selfish, to not care how his brother feels. The unfortunate truth is that he does. More than anything, he loves all of his brothers, Ichimatsu included. If something he does is going to hurt one of them, then he doesn’t want to do it.

So last night, he did something that he didn’t truly want to do. As Irusu was leaving, he kissed her hand and told her, in a rather solemn tone devoid of his usual theatrics, “Ichimatsu would probably like it if you asked him out.”

With that, he felt like things were in place. He would keep his distance from her, Ichimatsu would get a chance to be happy with her, and… Karamatsu was sure he would find someone else eventually. The biggest problem was that in order for it not to be so painful for him, he would have to try to avoid Irusu as much as possible.

No more hugs. No more being petted. No more pretty smiles in his direction.

It’s only been a few days of it by this point. However, it’s not easy. Even though he thinks this is the best thing, that he’ll stop craving her attention at some point, right now he still wants it. Losing the closeness they’ve all become used to is one of the worst things he can think of, and it’s happening, and he’s so sure it’s the right thing…

It just sucks that the right thing can hurt so badly.

At least his little brother will have a shot at happiness.

-

Ichimatsu, on the other hand, is pissed.

He’s sure he must have been this angry at some other point in his life, although he can’t really remember this kind of fury burning him up from the inside. It’s probably been a while since he felt anything other than a boiling of annoyance.

He has a hard time with Karamatsu, that much is for sure, but he knows Karamatsu well enough. The man is a goody-goody, or at least he pretends to be, so he’d never do something like, say, step on Ichimatsu’s toes over a girl they both like. That much is certain.

Except the issue with backing off is that in the process, he’s managed to lodge a big, painful arrow in Irusu’s feelings. That is something Ichimatsu can’t just ignore or let slide.

Why would he do this, anyway? If he was going to let Ichimatsu have a chance with her, fine… how come he had to just start brushing her off, though? What, does he think he can’t even be friends with her in order to let Ichimatsu shoot his shot? The hell is wrong with that dumbass?

This is where his dangerous nature comes in handy, at the very least. He can’t act too scary around Irusu or he risks her being afraid of him. Karamatsu is another story.

Which is good, because he thinks his big, stupid brother needs a scare to make him realize what the hell he’s doing.

Not only is he taking away Ichimatsu’s chance of winning Irusu’s affection fairly, instead of being the ‘runner-up’ like he’s been his whole life, Karamatsu is also hurting her. She’s talked about this to Ichimatsu, and she thinks that this is somehow her fault.

She thinks she’s too messed up and Karamatsu has just lost interest in her, that she did something which turned him off. The way she buried her face in Ichimatsu’s shoulder, mumbling tearfully that she should have known Karamatsu couldn’t possibly like her the way she liked him, is a memory he thinks is going to be burned in his mind forever.

He’s mad at Karamatsu more than he’s ever been in his life. He thinks he’s doing a nice thing stepping aside and trying to give Ichimatsu a chance, but if it hurts Irusu, he doesn’t want that chance. It matters what she wants more than anything, so if she likes and wants Karamatsu, if it’s putting her in pain to have him treat her dismissively, then Ichimatsu isn’t going to just stand by. He’s gonna do something about it.

Of course, perhaps he could have been a little more composed about it than to simply walk up to Karamatsu and punch him in the face. That said, nobody ever accused Ichimatsu of being subtle.

The hit was hard enough to leave his hand aching, so as soon as it connects, he pulls his fist back and rubs at his knuckles. It hurts, yeah. There’s more important stuff than that right now, though. He stares down at his brother, who’s on the floor trying to recover, and for a long moment, doesn’t do anything except glare.

Karamatsu, meanwhile, is pinching his nose shut in an attempt to stop the bleeding from being punched in the Goddamn face without any warning. To say he wasn’t expecting the blow would be an understatement. Even when he gingerly draws his hand away with a wince, everything still throbs. “Ichimatsu, what the hell was that for?!”

“You’re an ass,” Ichimatsu hisses, taking a step closer. “You think I need your fucking pity, huh? You think the only way Irusu would choose to go out with me is because you gracefully bowed out? You’re full of shit!”

Karamatsu is on his feet in a few seconds, only to just barely catch another fist thrown at him. His arm shakes with the muscle strain of holding back his little brother’s ire. “What are you… are you angry at me for taking myself out of the running?! Any other time, you’d be eliminating the competition yourself!”

Ichimatsu throws a punch with his other hand, though it’s caught just the same. There’s too much rage and adrenaline flooding through him, and Karamatsu can’t hold him back forever. “You think you’re doing me some kind of favor?! That’s just so like you! You’ve gotta be the hero right? You stupid, chūnibyō loser! You’re the saintly big brother and I’m the pathetic jackass and you’ve just gotta help me!”

“Wha… h-hey! That’s not what I think or what I’m trying to do!” It’s starting to become difficult to keep a grip on Ichimatsu’s hands, so in a desperate bid for some space, he shoves Ichimatsu back… maybe with a little more force than he may have used otherwise. “I care about you, Ichimatsu! You deserve to have a chance, and I know she likes you, and I just thought… if I allowed her to focus on you, I wouldn’t distract her!”

Ichimatsu ends up flat on his ass, although he’s back up in only a second. “You didn’t distract her, you motherfucker! You hurt her feelings! Who cares if she likes me?! She likes you! But as usual, you had to go and fuck everything up for everybody because you were trying to ‘help’!”

This time when he lunges forward, Karamatsu is ready and they end up grappling like two bucks locking antlers. Nobody really has the upper hand unless one counts that Ichimatsu is putting a little more physical force into it; the emotional toll it’s taking on Karamatsu is obvious, though.

“She never told me anything about that!” His arms quiver as he tries to plant his feet so that Ichimatsu can’t just brute force his way through this fight.

“Should she have had to?! You said she likes me, but she’s never said that, so you could obviously read her to know she likes me! You couldn’t tell she likes you, too?! And so what?!” Ichimatsu rocks forward in an attempt to knock Karamatsu off balance. “Even if she didn’t like you that way, you think blowing her off like you’ve been doing wouldn’t hurt a friend?!”

He winds back and goes in for another punch. “You’re not a good person! You know what you are? You know what I see when I look at you, what everyone else sees when they look at you? A stupid, painful, selfish, sorry excuse for a big brother!”

Something about those words makes Karamatsu freeze. The hit lands full-force, kickstarting the bloody nose that had just stopped a moment ago. Sparks dance around his insides, prompting him to gain back awareness enough to reciprocate the blow.

Before either of them know it, they’re rolling around on the floor, kicking and hitting each other and shouting the worst things they can think of.

“Excruciating bastard!”

“Antisocial asshole!”

“Self-centered, holier-than-thou shitbag!”

“Emotionally constipated, ungrateful bitch!”

“You don’t deserve to be anyone’s older brother! You don’t deserve to be anyone’s brother, period! You deserve to be alone, because nobody should ever have to deal with you and your fucking tryhard bullshit!”

“Oh, and you’re so easy to deal with?! All any of us do is give and give and you don’t give us anything in return! Being an apathetic misanthrope doesn’t make you interesting or special, it just makes you an edgelord!”

“Edgelord, huh? Must run in the family, because you’re even edgier than I am!”

“Maybe, but at least I don’t shut everyone out and act like my brothers don’t love me!”

“Oh, you’re psychoanalyzing me now?! Fuck off! Actually, just die!”

“Is that what you say to everything?! You die first and I might consider it!”

“Great! I’m glad to die! I’ve got a noose and a beam all picked out! As long as I get to choose how you die, I’m ready when you are, asshole!”

“Please! As if I’m going to let you do something like that! What the hell is wrong with you, Ichimatsu?!”

It seems to be the turn in that direction that causes the two of them to start to lose steam. The decline is quick as all the anger between both men crystallizes into fatigue and anguish.

Karamatsu rolls over from where he ended up above Ichimatsu, and Ichimatsu lets his whole body go limp. They lie there for what feels like forever, breathing heavily, covered in new bruises and scratches and flecks of blood, too tired to fire any more shots at one another.

They lie side by side, and when Karamatsu looks over, he sees through his own blurry vision that there are tears in the corners of Ichimatsu’s eyes.

His heart leaps into his throat.

He doesn’t know how else this could have turned out, but it’s undeniable that things have gone way too far, as they always do with any of the sextuplets.

“Ichimatsu…” He reaches for his little brother, only for Ichimatsu to pull violently away and curl into a ball. It hurts, mainly because he knows that’s what Ichimatsu does when he wants the entire world to leave him be. This time, it’s Karamatsu’s fault.

“Fuck off, Shittymatsu,” Ichimatsu mumbles. It’s through experience that Karamatsu can tell he’s starting to cry; that break in his voice might not be evident to anyone except his brothers. “Whatever you’re going to say, I don’t wanna hear it. I don’t care.”

Karamatsu huffs. “Well, you should care. We can’t do this shit, Ichimatsu. What’s wrong with us? It’s not normal for brothers to fight like this. We just beat each other up. Over a woman. … A stunning woman, but―”

“You’re a fucking idiot,” Ichimatsu interrupts. “Are there rocks in your Goddamn head? Do you really think this is just about Irusu? Don’t pretend this wouldn’t have happened at some point even if she never came into our lives. We’re fucking losers who don’t know how to get along and she’s just the latest thing we’re fighting about. We’re both shitheads. Neither of us deserves her.”

Well, at least they can agree on that.

Despite the fact that Ichimatsu doesn’t turn to look at him, not even a little, Karamatsu keeps a hand on his little brother’s back. That Ichimatsu doesn’t push him away or scream for Karamatsu to get off is a good sign.

Although, there aren’t enough good signs to just magically fix this. There’s still so much wrong with the entire situation and nothing is going to tie it up with a neat bow.

They lie next to each other in silence for a long time. Gradually, the tension starts to drain out of Ichimatsu’s body, the more seconds tick by without Karamatsu moving away. His muscles continue to relax until he’s bled out of fury, until he realizes that he doesn’t wantto be mad at his big brother.

The anger isn’t just going to vanish from either of them. It’s not going to disappear because they don’t want to be angry at each other. Their exhaustion bringing true feelings out of the shadows, however, is better than making believe they would prefer staying angry.

“I’m sorry,” Karamatsu finally says. His voice is smaller than usual and breathy and sounds cracked in half by the time he speaks up.

At last, Ichimatsu rolls over onto his back with a grunt. “… I’m sorry, too.”

Karamatsu sighs and shifts his hand away to give his younger brother space. “We really are a couple of pathetic creatures, aren’t we?”

“Yep, we’re shitty.”

“The shittiest.”

They both fall silent for another moment or two. This time, it’s Ichimatsu who breaks the quiet. “What… do we do now?”

There are too many thoughts swirling around Karamatsu’s head. And he would assume in Ichimatsu’s head as well. Everything is tumulting around in an unorganized mess, too much to put together any kind of real plan.

What do they do about what,anyway? About Irusu and who gets to have a chance with her? About their own broken relationship?

Neither of them really knows what to do about anything.

“I think,” Karamatsu hums, “we should patch up our wounds before anything else.”

So Ichimatsu nods.

It’s not going to solve any of their real problems, but it’s as good a place to start as any.

[inkandpen22]

Young Hearts Divided (4/?)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female!Reader / James Potter x  Female!Reader 

Warning: angst, fluff, arguing

Word Count: 2.2k

Part Summary: Y/N receives some troubling news from Dumbledore and she’s left having to make a difficult decision 

Masterlist

McGonagall crosses the room to me urgently. “Oh Miss Y/L/N, good you’re awake! You’ll have to come with me,” she instructs, holding her arm out toward the door. “You can leave your things here.”

My mind immediately thinks about my family. My parents and older siblings have renounced the Dark Lord. My mom, dad, and brother work at the Ministry, making them prime targets. My sister is at the Daily Prophet, she write articles against Voldemort frequently. I praise my family for their bravery and plan to follow in their footsteps when I finish Hogwarts. Yet, I can’t lose them, I couldn’t cope.

“What’s this about Minnie?” James questions. I feel his chest against my back as his hand finds my waist, giving it a comfortingly squeeze.

“Is everything alright?” Sirius adds.

McGongall rubs her hands together nervously, her eyes flickering between all three of us. “I think it’s best that Miss Y/L/N hears everything from Professor Dumbledore. It’s none of my business to relay the information,” she urgently waves me along.

I feel like I’m going to sick. McGongall’s purposeful vagueness only makes me worry more. My sight falls to the carpet beneath my feet as I struggle to cope with this overwhelming dread.

“Well I’m coming with her,” James insists, moving to escort me out the Common Room. He takes my hand, but I remain frozen in place.

“Mr. Potter, I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’ll make sure she gets there and is okay,” McGongall assures him.

“With all due respect Professor, I think it’s up to Y/N to decide what’s best for her.” James steps over to stand in front of me. His fingers brush under my chin, raising my head to meet his gaze. “Do you want me to come with you?” He asks gently. His eyes filled with worry.

His words sound like a foreign language in my head. Is this what being in a state of shock feels like? My body feels numb while the mind is working overtime. Everything appears strange to me like I’m in a dream or something.

“I… I….” my brows scrunch together with distress as I stutter. Turning over my shoulder, I glance at Sirius. His ink black eyes meet mine and his face softens for the first time since this afternoon. A piece of the weight on my chest subsides as the sight. “I want both of you to come,” I decide.

Sirius’s lips part as surprise etches across his features. He looks behind me to James and his face goes blank. I turn toward James and he continues to glare passed me at Sirius.

“Very well,” McGongall rushes, waving us toward the door. “Come! Come!”

I press a hand to James’s chest, “James…” He snaps out of it, peering down at me with a glimmer in his eyes. “Please…” I quietly plead with him to forget the dramatics for the time being.

He blinks, nodding his head repeatedly as he brushes his head down the back of my head before turning toward Minnie. He gives my hand a squeeze as we head toward the Fat Lady, following McGongall’s hurried pace. James leads ahead by a few steps and Sirius walks by my side. Our eyes meet and I swallow hard, doing everything in my power not to start crying. Sirius, I suspect picking up on this, places his hand on my shoulder sympathetically and offers me a nod of reassurance. I give him a weak smile so he doesn’t worry too much about me. I don’t why I feel the urge to make sure he doesn’t. I suppose it’s because he’s one of my best friends, if not my closest friend.

_____________________________________

I see Dumbledore sat behind his desk looking over papers as I turn the corner. When he hears us enter his office the Headmaster stands. “Miss Y/L/N,” he greets. His brows scrunch together when he notices James and Sirius here too. “Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, to what do I owe the pleasure?” He asks eerily calmly, moving around his desk.

“Miss Y/L/N requested they be here with her,” McGonagall explains as she crosses the room to stand beside Dumbledore.

“Ah yes, of course,” the Headmaster nods. “Would you three like to have a seat?” He offers, gesturing to the seats and couch behind us.

James and Sirius both look at me to decide. “I think I prefer to stand Sir,” I mumble, afraid my voice may crack if I speak louder.

Dumbledore and McGonagall exchange glances. The Headmaster appears calm and expression, as per usual. McGonagall, however, doesn’t hide her distress well. I can hear my heart rapidly pounding in my chest. James hasn’t let go of my hand once since the Common Room. I stand between him and Sirius feeling two things. One, rather short and two, protected despite the tension ridden situation.

Dumbledore looks at me in the eye, pulling me from my train of thought. “I assume you can guess as to why you have been called here.”

I nod, so I was right to be worried. My family has been gone missing or worse have been killed. James gives my hand a comforting squeeze.

“It’s your brother, Danny,” Dumbledore finally says what I’ve predicted. “He’s missing. He was sent to perform a task on behalf of the Ministry. He never returned. It’s been two days.”

I swallow hard, doing my best to stay composed. "And my parents?”

“They’re both fine, I can assure you," Dumbledore steadily replies. "They’ve written to me and have offered you a choice. You may return home until your brother is located or you may stay here.”

“What about my sister?” Eliza, I hope to high Heaven she's alright.

“She’s alright as well," he guarantees. "She has decided to take time off at the Daily Prophet to be with your parents.”

My brows scrunch together, "she’s left London?”

“Yes, she’s staying at your family’s home."

Dumbledore would never lie, of course, but that doesn't exactly sound like my sister. Eliza is strong-willed and was eager to leave our home as soon as she graduated from Hogwarts. She was overjoyed to get a job at the Daily Prophet and find her own place. I suppose the circumstance has made her reevaluate her priorities.

“I’m sorry to do this Miss Y/L/N, but I must pressure you to make a timely decision," Dumbledore urges, visibly troubled by the responsibility. "You see, your parents and sister will be going into hiding shortly. They'll be relocated to an undisclosed location. Your parents and sister are waiting to hear your decision before they do so. I assured them the safest place for you is here where we can protect you. However, if you choose to return home to your family I completely understand. You will be excused for as long as necessary. I have already taken the liberty of speaking with your professors. Your parents also wrote a letter to you as well to help you with your decision.”

My heart sinks. “You mean if I stay… I won’t be able to communicate with my family or know where they are?! Whether they’re safe for who knows how long?!” I My voice rises accidentally at the Headmaster as I step forward, yanking my hand free from James.

Dumbledore nods, a solemn expression appears on his features. “I’m afraid so.”

I step away, pacing in front of the pensieve case. Nervously, I fiddle with the ring my parents gave me on my sixteen birthday. It's a habit I've picked up when I'm nervous.

"How long does she have to decide?" James questions as I pace away, deep in my own thoughts.

"Are you mad?" Sirius jumps in. "How can Y/N possibly make a decision like this?! Family or protection is really what you're asking here!" He accuses in my defense.

"Now gentlemen-" McGongall says sharply, "we are not enjoying either! I'm sorry, I truly am, but Miss Y/L/N must make haste with her decision!"

James and Sirius continue bickering at the professors, completely ignoring their superiority.

I should go home! There's no other option, it's not yes or not, it's simply yes! My parents must be worried sick! I’m worried sick! The Death Eaters are going to pick us off like flies! I can't abandon my family and stay here like it isn't happening!

“May I see the letter?” I interrupt their deafening chatter.

Dumbledore reaches for an envelope on his desk and holds it out to me. "They informed me that they will write to you as soon as they have the chance."

Dear Y/N,

Your mom and I are so sorry to do this to you. You must know that we have done everything in our power to avoid this conclusion. Your mom would have written this letter herself, but since we heard about Danny she's been tucked away in our room. Eliza is here taking care of her. You would be so proud of your sister, she's been great through all of this.

Whatever you choose my sweet girl, we will understand. Dumbledore is right when he tells you that you're safest at school. Hogwarts is home to so many of us and nowhere is safer than home.

Remember, courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.

All my love, Dad

I read over the lines repeatedly, seeking an answer to this impossible decision. Then, as I read it again, I comprehend that my dad gave me my answer in his usual philosophical way.

“I’m going to stay,” I declare, folding up the letter.

James steps forward, visibly surprised. "Are you sure, Y/N?"

“It’s be worried here or be worried there," I determine with a nonchalant shrug. "I’m just thankfully that Eliza went back."

"I'll write to them urgently," Dumbledore announces, already moving to sit behind his desk.

"I'll walk you three back to your dormitory," McGongall begins to usher us out. She sends me a sympathetic look which I reciprocate with a weak smile.

James takes my hand as we walk back to the tower. He whispers to me frequently, asking whether I'm certain and to remind me it's not too late to change my mind. His words just fall to silence in my ears. If I didn't know any better, I would think he wants me to go. However, based on how he insists on touching me in some way if I'm in reach, he likes having me around.

McGongall departs from us once the Fat Lady lets us in. "Good night," she bids farewell. "Try to get some sleep."

I'm first to enter the Common Room. I shuffle my feet, feeling like a zombie. Nothing around me feels real anymore. There's a dreadful emptiness. I sit down on the couch at the edge of the cushion as I stare absentmindedly at the distance dwindling fire. I grip my dad's letter tightly in my free hand, the sense of it there brings me ease for some reason. Weeks, maybe even months, will go by before I hear from them again. From now on, this letter will be my most important possession.

Out of my peripheral vision, Sirius sits in the arm chair while James eases down beside me. He places a hand on my back gently. "Y/N? Do you want to talk about it?"

Tears well up in my eyes and threaten to fall as I sit emotionless like a statue. James continues to rub his hand up and down my back comfortingly.

Memories of my family, the five of us always together, flash across my mind. Family vacations, holidays, birthdays, random Saturday mornings, when we were our happiest. Danny, Danny my protective and determined older brother who's always known he was destined for great things. He's out there somewhere in pain and suffering because he believes in a world of acceptance and because he voiced this ideal. He challenged evil and as a result he got burned. I feel so powerless. There's nothing I can do and no fact is more frustrating! Given the chance, I would face Voldemort directly for what he's done! For Danny, my family, all of the other lives he's destroyed due to his greed and malice.

I can feel my blood boiling as I can't get the imagine of my brother in the presence of such an evil being. I can't save him! I can't protect him! I can't do anything! I'm useless! Abruptly, I hear the shattering glass.

"Y/N!" James yells, sounding panicked as he grabs my hand in my lap.

All I can focus on is the pain and frustration. There are no words that can describe the torment that consumes my mind and soul. It goes on and on relentlessly. All it does is continue growing.

Faintly, I see Sirius leaps over the coffee table and appear at my side. He places his hand on my knee. "Y/N..." he whispers.

I flicker my eyes in his direction. His jet black eyes that adore so much glisten with emotion as tears fill his eyes too. Seeing him in dismay makes something in me snap. Tears begin to fall from my eyes freely as I break down crying. I gasp for air, but breathing become impossible. Finally, I express real emotion since receiving the news. Needfully, I grip the fabric of his shirt and weep into his chest. His arms wrap around me like a security blanket. Softly, his hand brushes down my hair as he holds me. He mutters gentle words of assurance as he kisses the top of my head. It takes an ounce of the pain away, yet I still feel as though I'm going to die the grief is too much.

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