#and also what does tom being the only cop in town have to do with anything - which is false btw there's at least two

[neurotypical-sonic]

and this is why I say that the movies have copaganda in them lmao You Are Falling For It. You Are Not Immune to Propaganda. its doesnt have to be the most obvious thing for it to work!!! "acab but with this one exception" completely misses the point and reason of the saying "All Cops Are Bastards" oh my god

[gunterfan1992]

Episode Review: ‘Together Again’ (Distant Lands, Ep. 3)

Airdate: May 20, 2021

Story by: Jack Pendarvis, Kate Tsang, Hanna K. Nyström, Christina Catucci, Jesse Moynihan, Adam Muto

Storyboarded by: Hanna K. Nyström, Anna Syvertsson, Iggy Craig, Maya Petersen, Serena Wu

Directed by: Miki Brewster (supervising), Sandra Lee (art)

Across Adventure Time’s ten season run, the show explored a bevy of “mature” themes and story ideas—topics, like love, sexuality, depression, and grieving. The show also touched upon death, but the emphasis was usually placed on the emotional toll of a loved one dying, not really what happens when you die. We knew there were Dead Worlds and Death. We knew that there was reincarnation. But how does it all fit together? What does it mean? How does it work?

With “Together Again,” we finally have many of the answers.

This special opens with a marvelous fake-out episode simply called “Finn & Jake,” that sees the two steal a magical cartoon of 50-flavor ice cream before rescuing Turtle Princess and LSP from the clutches of the villainous Ice King. This is all deliberately anachronistic and over the top. Ice King is back to his season one ways, Finn has both arms, and he is still wielding his golden sword that he lost in season two’s “The Real You.” There’s lolrandom dialogue and silly monsters; it’s like a parody of seasons 1-2. But then, this adventure starts to get all wonky, and in time Finn realizes that he is in a some sort of trance or illusion: one that ends with Jake being buried in the ground. Suddenly, Finn awakens from his reverie. He’s an old man. And he’s dead. We’re then presented with a new title card that lets us know the episode is actually called “Finn & Jake Are Dead.”

Holy Glob! They actually went there.

Turns out Jake died years before Finn, so naturally Finn is super excited to see his best bud. But something’s wrong—he cannot find Jake!! They planned to spend eternity together. But all that Finn can find is his very own psychopomp, Mr. Fox (voiced by Tom Herpich, whose purposefully stilted line readings are the epitome of delightful). Finn rightfully assumes that Jake is in a different Dead World, and so, being the ball of spunk and energy that he is, he demands to meet with Death, only to discover that there’s a New Death in town (voiced by Chris Fleming). The episode eventually explains that New Death was the son of Death and Life, and after New Death killed his father, he became the sovereign of the afterlife. New Death hates his job and decides to just blow up all the Dead Worlds so he doesn’t have to deal with it all. (I won’t get too much into the details here, because there would be a lot of story to parse out.)

Finn soon learns that Jake has reached nirvana in the 50th Dead World, where there is nothing but peace and serenity. Finn nevertheless tracks down Jake, pulls him from paradise, but in doing so, accidentally lets New Death in, who promptly obliterates Elysium, sending all the enlightened souls—including those from different levels of the afterlife—to the 1st Dead World. This gronks up the afterlife, temporarily halting the reincarnation process.

Well, Finn and Jake are rightfully ticked, and so they haunt the material plane looking for Princess Bubblegum. She’s not home (more on that later), but Peppermint Butler is! After Ghost Finn and Ghost Jake explain the situation, Peppermint Butler tells them what to do: They need to find Life and explain the situation. The duo manage just that, and Life is rightfully angry that her kid has stopped the transmigration of souls. After Life gives Finn a McGuffin sword that can hurt Death, Finn and Jake return to his abode. A brawl ensues wherein we learn that New Death has been possessed… by none other than that spirit of the Lich.

That’s right, it’s the Lich! He’s back, and boy is he evil.

The Lich explains that by possessing Death, he can destroy the afterlife, thereby destroying a key aspect of reality. Naturally, Finn and Jake are not cool with this, and they engage in combat. After Mr. Fox grabs the McGuffin sword and uses it to annihilate the Lich and New Death, he is proclaimed the New New Death and sets everything right. Finn is slated to be reincarnated, and Jake is slated to return to the 50th Dead World where he and Finn will one day be reunited. As Finn is pulled into the wheel of souls, Jake suddenly decides to go back with Finn, too, “Just for fun.” The episode ends with a card letting us know that the episode is neither called “Finn & Jake” nor “Finn & Jake Are Dead.” Instead, it is “Finn and Jake Are Together Again.”

As they say, “And there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.”

If you were to tell me several years ago that the last episode to star Finn and Jake would revolve around them dying, I think I would’ve been upset. Not simply sad, but rather frustrated because “they all died” can feel like a cheap ending. But with “Together Again,” it all works. And a large reason that it works is because the show goes all in with their ideas. Finn and Jake don’t magically leap back into their old life (no, no, they very much do bite the dust). Instead, the special emphasizes the cyclical nature of life through the transmigration of souls. The episode ends with a beautiful scene of Finn and Jake, bound together as soul-brothers, being reborn into a new, mysterious (possibly Ooo 1000+?) world. It’s both aesthetically and emotionally pleasing; it doesn’t feel off the way over finales might. This is right. This is the way life works. “Round and round as nature goes,” and all that jazz.

I loved the series explanation of how death works. It seems that souls land in a specific Dead World, where they ‘marinate’ for a bit, presumably being rewarded or punished based on their life in our meat reality. After a time, they are then reborn. This process repeats, with each soul reaching higher and higher levels of enlightenment until they hit nirvana, which is the 50th Dead World. So in a sense, Adventure Time has a roughly Buddhist cosmology with a dash of Greco-Roman mythos thrown in for flavor. (As to what happens after a soul stays in the 50th Dead World for a long period is anyone’s guess, but I’d speculate that when all the souls in the multiverse have been purified and land in the 50th Dead World, they will all collapse into one another and form one perfect Monad. Perhaps this is the sphere of perfection that the beings who merged into Matthew thought they were connecting to? Who knows! It’s anyone’s guess!) I was a little disappointed that we didn’t get to see who Death, Prismo, Life, etc.’s boss was, but perhaps that’s a mystery better left up to the imagination!

One minor thing that I loved about this special was the number of characters who made cameos as well as all the callbacks that were made to previous episodes. Regarding the former: Finn and Jake’s canine family show up (including the oft-forgotten Jermaine!), as do Tree Trunks and her myriad husbands. Tiffany plays a major role in all these shenanigans as a “death cop” of all things. There is a delightful rogues gallery stuck in the 1st Dead World (including, among others, Maja, Sharon from “The Gut Grinder,” and Wyatt). In the 50th we find Ghost Princess and Clarence happily at peace next to Booshy, the weird spirit mentioned in the Pen Ward classic “High Strangeness.” As far as callbacks go, perhaps my favorite is the clap (from “James Baxter the Horse”) that Jake taught to Finn in case they ever do get separated in the afterlife. And of course, there are myriad references made to “Death in Bloom,” the episode that planted the seed for what this would grow into.

Going into the special suspecting that it would involve Death, I was curious how they were going to handle Miguel Ferrer’s character. (In case a reader is not aware, Ferrer played Death in episodes like “Death in Bloom” and “Betty,” but he sadly passed away a few years ago). The producers’ choice to feature him in a non-speaking cameo—despite playing a relatively significant role in the story—was wise; I’m not sure if I can articulate the exact reasons, but something about his role felt appropriate and not gross, as some post-mortem memorials can be. Speaking of which, the wonderful, lovely Polly Lou Livingston was featured for the last time in this episode as Tree Trunks, happily in heaven with her literal harem of husbands. It was funny, it really was, and I’m sure that Polly Lou would’ve gotten a kick out of seeing it on screen. (Also, this is a pro-Tree Trunks safe space. Any Tree Trunks haters will be chucked into the 1st Dead World with Wyatt.)

The biggest mystery in this whole thing, for me at least, is the question of Princess Bubblegum and Marceline. Several years ago, I wrote an essay about what could’ve happened to them in the Ooo 1000+ universe. I speculated that they peaced out and left Ooo behind. In this special, neither Bubblegum nor Marceline are to be found in the Candy Kingdom—Peppermint Butler seems to be the one in charge, given that he is now wearing Bubblegum’s crown. Likewise, the duo aren’t anywhere in the Dead Worlds either. Maybe the two of them skipped town and got a duplex in the Nightosphere? Who knows… I just want my favorite gals to be OK!

All things considered, “Together Again” was a marvel: An episode that managed to feel like a series finale even more than “Come Along with Me” already did without taking away from the series itself. An episode that managed to make the idea of dying funny. An episode that brought back the Lich in a way that wasn’t forced. An episode that made Mr. Fox the New New Death. An episode that gave us a beautiful ending to Finn and Jake’s story… as well as the beautiful beginning to a new one. I said it on Twitter, and I’ll say it again here: “Together Again” was the end of a sentence in a book with infinite pages. Truly, the fun will never end.

Mushroom War evidence: Everything takes place in the Dead Worlds, so not really. Perhaps a more eagle-eyed viewer can inform us...

Final Grade: That’s right, I’m gonna do it...

Post-script, I actually messaged Jesse Moynihan to ask about his writing credit. He told me that it was for an unused story idea that he had developed. I’m not certain, but I’ll bet it was a part of the cancelled TV movie they were trying to make during season 5, since that would’ve seen Finn and Orgalorg journey to the various Dead Worlds.

[olderthannetfic]

hi hi history-non again, sorry I know it's a very

ahem wide and girthy ahem

ask, and i'm sorry for not narrowing it down farther my brain is smooth as butter and the dart board, so to speak, is. big. i feel like im throwing my dart in the ocean of 'what i don't know' and trying to spear a fish who might speak to me like the queer elder i never ha d ;lkasjd;flkas damn you small conservative town ANYWAYS

i guess okay maybe do you have any favourite figureheads? whats your fave pieces of lgbtqa+ media (like books or shows?)

thanks again and sorry for.

uh.

big.

--

Lolololol. Yes.... it’s so... big...

In the 90s, the writers of nonfiction who I found really inspirational were Susie Bright and Kate Bornstein. My Gender Workbook was a classic. I gather there’s a new edition.

I was a massive, massive nerd, so my actual favorite queer book as a 14-year-old is one that will be a bit... uh... much if you’re not feeling very intellectual. It’s Third Sex, Third Gender: Beyond Sexual Dimorphism in Culture and History. This thing is a massive doorstop of a book that collects academic journal articles on third gender roles from various cultures. I was obsessed with this thing. Again, it’s academic journal articles, not popular nonfiction, so expect that level of impenetrable prose.

I was also a giant weeb, so I read a bunch of books on the history of gay sex in Japan. It’s pretty interesting how much people assume the “m/m sex = sin” shit was worldwide and how much it just was not.

In terms of fiction, I’ve always struggled to find f/f media I relate to. I really like the tv adaptations of Fingersmith and Tipping the Velvet. Lots of fucked up problematicness and gorgeous visuals. Gotta love the lady with the strap-on and the gold body paint!

For other queer media, I was a big fan of Velvet Goldmine and of Pedro Almodóvar’s older films, which are full of every problematic kink you can think of. They also have a lot of het I like, like the lady being coerced into sex (that she enjoys) by the drag queen who impersonates her famous mother she has a lot of mommy issues about... except said drag queen is really an undercover police officer. Just... whut. (All the “straight” stuff in Almodóvar’s films is also bugfuck nuts and often kind of queer.)

I really, really, really loved Crash. Not the shitty one that won an oscar: the car crash perverts one full of weird UST. There’s a ton of straight sex in this too, along with every gender combo and a laundry list of upsetting kinks. It’s just every kind of weird perv thing. (”Weird art film full of sex and problematicness” is pretty much the defining feature of movies I liked as a teen. I loved Kissed, that het necrophilia movie too.)

Stage Beauty is probably my favorite film for bi vibes. It’s this meditation on identity as the English stage was changing over from having men play women to having actual actresses. It ends in f/m, but it’s definitely a very queer film.

If you want slice of life stuff, I guess you could try Dykes to Watch Out For (the comic that’s the source of the bechdel test) or the Tales of the City novel series. These will both give you a sense of what was going on in certain queer communities in the late 20thC. If you want something relatively fluffy, Maurice is a historical costume drama with a happy ending. I found it awfully slow as a college student, but it does have naked Rupert Graves (Lestrade from Sherlock), so...

----

See, this is hard to answer because I came of age and did all of my reading of that kind a long time ago. I pretty quickly moved on to fangirl media, which I have always liked a lot better than other arguably queer stuff. Back in the 90s, that meant Japanese stuff and fic. Later, I had access to more flavors of by-fujoshi-for-fujoshi media.

So my actual favorite m/m books are a bunch of “m/m romance” (i.e. American BL being sold as ebooks on amazon). If you want live action TV and fandomy vibes, you’re better off with Trapped (hot cop/mobster action!) or one of those Thai series about schoolboys or something than stuff made by cis gay men in the US.

I also came of age in an era when “queer” media was very Cis Gay Men And Sometimes Cis Lesbians with an occasional nod to bi people existing... maybe. Kate Bornstein and a few others were raising the profile of MtF transsexuals (the term in use at the time) who wanted surgery or even, gasp, maybe didn’t want bottom surgery in some cases. Anything about FtMs or nb/agender/etc. identities was practically invisible. I saw the term ‘genderqueer’ around a bit, but it was mostly in contexts that were very tryhard and unappealing to me.

(You haven’t given any details, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess you’re like much of tumblr and the flavors of queerness you relate to aren’t so much the Cis Gay Men Only culture that makes up quite a bit of queer history and older queer media.)

I can tell you what I liked as a teen, but not everybody is into fucked up art films that may not have happy endings. I can try to rec things about queer culture in the 90s, but I probably don’t have great recs for way earlier or later than that... unless it’s so much earlier that I’ve researched it while writing fic of some historical canon or other. A lot of how I learned about queer culture myself was from magazines or from reading soc.bi on usenet or just from living through the 90s--not typically from books that are easy to unearth and just hand to someone now.

I tend to just not like anything in the contemporary romance or slice of life genres, regardless of gender and orientation, so while I’ve watched/read a bit more queer stuff like this, especially in the past when I had less access to queer media, it’s not a space I’m great at reccing in. And that’s unfortunate because a lot of that type of art gives you a better sense of what other queer people were like in other eras and/or it’s a safer rec than some bananas crazy BDSM film.

I was, and am, very kinky (though pretty lazy in terms of actual practice), so a lot of my reading and media interest was bound up in that also. Obviously, I was quite interested in the drawings of Tom of Finland or the photography of Robert Mapplethorpe, but are you going to be into photos of some guy shoving a whip handle in his ass? I love the movie Cruising... it’s about serial killers and leather and homophobia and is every bit as potentially traumatizing as that sounds.

I feel you on the problem of finding queer elders. There isn’t really an obvious way to go about this.

[magnusmysteries]

Part 32: When Rituals Fail

The Magnus Archives was a horror podcast. It is now completed. Many of the show’s mysteries were never explained on the show. I intend to explain them. Spoilers for the show, but also spoilers if you wanna solve these mysteries yourself.

Elias thought that the reason the rituals failed was because the fears could never be separated. That it would be impossible to bring just one through, it had to be all. I think he was wrong, for three reasons.

First reason. Here’s a quote from Elias, where he explains why it is impossible to separate the fears “To try and create a world with only the Buried makes as much sense as trying to conceive a world with only down.”

But we have seen such a world. Quote from Entombed “This is forever deep below creation. Where the weight of existence bears down. This is The Buried, and we are alive. There isn’t even an up.”

The Buried is a world without the Hunt. The Hunt can’t reach Daisy there, because the Hunt and Buried are opposites (See Part 3). Elias uses the absence of up, as an example of an impossibility. But John says in the Buried there is no up. I think this was specifically written to clue us in to Elias being wrong.

Second reason, every time we hear of a ritual there is always a reason why they fail. The reason isn’t always obvious, but I’ll go through most of them in this post. Elias based his conclusion on the assumption that there was no reason for the Dark’s ritual to fail. He was wrong, as I’ll explain.

Every attempted ritual, except the ones involving John and Agnes, has a group of people choosing something related to the fear. (With a broad definition of choice.) If only one person does not make the choice, the ritual fails.

The Lonely. A group of people in an apartment building were all supposed to choose to be lonely (rather than move out of the nice cheap apartment). Gertrude wrote about it in a paper, the people got help, they weren’t lonely, the ritual failed.

The Slaughter. The soldiers are supposed to brutally murder each other. But the statement giver doesn’t like killing. He is not swayed by the music, he does not join in on the violence. The ritual fails.

The Hunt. Daisy speculated this failed because the Hunt doesn’t like to complete things. She was wrong. The people were supposed to join in the obsession of the hunt, to kill vampires and probably to die. But the statement giver was only pretending to be obsessed, the ritual fails.

The Corruption. This is from the episode Love Bombing. (John was wrong that the Prentiss attack was a grand ritual.) Here the choice is to love. First they take care of a sick dog. That is, they love it. Then they have to love and join the monster mass of people.

The part where they have to say they love each other, it's a test, to see if they are ready for the ritual. The protagonist did not love the other woman, and so she is told to leave. She is jeopardizing the ritual.

Note that she is not forced to leave, or killed. Had there been force or violence the ritual would have failed. That’s another rule for the rituals.

I think when she left, it was already too late and the ritual failed. Or maybe it failed when it got blown up. Probably by Gertrude.

I think nobody in the cult was working for the Corruption originally. The Corruption just found a cult that was really into love and thought "Jackpot! Send in the dog!"

The Buried. The choice here is for everyone in town to get into the pit at the same time. When the statement giver comes to town, he is told to leave. But not forced, significantly. He is jeopardizing the ritual, because he might not climb into the pit with the others.

The statement giver has a “dream” where he willingly climbs into the pit and puts his arm into the hole. Though it’s not really a dream. This is a test, and he passed. Whoever’s in charge decides to go ahead with the ritual.

This is a mistake. The statement giver does not go into the pit with the others. A woman in the pit suddenly begins to scream. Not because she is in the pit, but because she noticed the statement giver is not in the pit. She knows the ritual is about to fail and it does.

Later Gertrude shows up and dumps Jan Kilbride into the pit. She thinks she stopped the ritual, but she was too late. The ritual had already failed.

The Flesh. The choice is for everyone to throw meat into the pit. (I’m guessing they also all have to die from exhaustion and get thrown in the pit or jump in, but we don’t see that part). When Tom Haan notices Lucia Wright is present, he hands her meat. He hopes she will take it and join in, which she does. Had she not done so, the ritual would have failed. If she had left, the ritual would have failed. If Tom had killed her or forced her to join in, the ritual would have failed.

The ritual fails anyway, because Gertrude blows it up.   

The Spiral. Quote from Michael “A thousand staring morsels stood, and not one of them believed themselves sane to look upon it.”

If one of the humans there had believed themselves to be sane the ritual would have failed.

Actually there was a person there who believed they were sane. More from Michael: “Michael did not go mad, though no words you could have said would have convinced him otherwise. (...) If Michael thought he had lost his mind, it was only because what he saw with crystal clarity was simply not something that could be real. But Gertrude Robinson did not waver. (...) She gave no indication that she saw anything more or less than was expected. Hers was not a mind that left room for doubt.”

Gertrude didn’t realize, but there was no need to sacrifice Michael Shelley. The ritual would have failed simply by her presence.

The Stranger. When John and the gang set up the explosives to blow up the Unknowing, Nikola does nothing to stop them. She knows they are there. She waits until they have set up the explosives before she starts the ritual.

There are no other victims there than the Magnus crew. They are the ones that are supposed to make the choice. The choice they are supposed to make is to use logic and reason during the Unknowing. Nikola has to give them a chance to win, and part of that is she lets them set up the explosives.

In the 1787 attempt at the Unknowing, the ritual is stopped by a soldier from the Slaughter. The soldier is not confused: “I was sure he was a soldier, and he was nothing but a soldier.”

In Nemesis Gertrude speculates that the Unknowing can only be stopped if the explosives are detonated from within Unknowing. Meaning, someone has to “choose” to use enough reason to set it off.

Just four victims is a small number. But I think John counts extra, since he is the Archivist and should be harder to confuse. 

Maybe Elias made a deal with Nicola, told her about their plan. After all, Elias wants John to get blown up, to get the End scar.

Elias advised John not to bring Tim to the ritual. Tim seems pretty suicidal at this point, earlier he dared Elias to kill him. Elias is worried that if Tim is the one to blow up the ritual, John won’t get the End scar.

The ritual fails because Basira reasons her way out. Or maybe it fails because Breekon uses violence against Daisy, not sure.

John is at first very confused, but then he starts to see more clearly. That is because the ritual is already failing, because of Basira (or Breekon). There is no need for Tim to blow up the place and sacrifice himself.

The Eye. We don’t know much about Elias' first attempt at a ritual, but it seemed to take place in the panopticon prison, with Elias in the middle, watching the prisoners around him. The prisoners were probably supposed to make some kind of choice, and at least one of them failed to do so.

The Dark. The darkness ritual first begins to collapse at Hither Green, where it is led by Natalie.

Quote from Manuella “Natalie and the others followed, but they did not truly understand. Not truly, with their talk of peace and unity and Mr. Pitch. A friendly name, to try and hide from a concept they couldn’t grasp.”

In the episode Police Light the darkness creature inside Rayner is trying to get a new host, by entering Callum Brody. Then the police intervene and shoot Rayner, saving Brody from being possessed. But a droplet of the monster hits the police officer Altman. Altman is in the process of being possessed. Then Altman is stabbed and killed by Natalie Ennis.

There is misdirection here. We are supposed to believe that Natalie stabbed Altman because he was a cop. But actually she killed him because he was possessed. She was secretly working against the darkness cult.

Why? Gertrude must at this point have realized how a ritual will fail if one person makes the wrong choice. She must have talked with Natalie and explained to her that Mr. Pitch is a lie. That the Darkness is not about peace and unity. So because of Natalie the ritual failed.

The third reason for why Elias is wrong is the most important, and I’ll cover it in the next post.

If Elias is wrong that a ritual must draw in all the fears at once, why is it that no ritual has succeeded throughout all of history? I think there just hadn’t been that many attempts.

In Family Business Gerard says if a ritual fails, it takes centuries to build up enough power to attempt one again. Yet we hear of several ritual attempts happening very close together in time: the Lonely circa 2007, the Spiral sometime after 2007, the Buried in 2008, the Flesh in 2008, the Corruption circa 2012, the Dark in 2015, the Stranger in 2017 and the Eye in 2018. How can that be?

In the Architecture of Fear, Smirke says he wrote down several rituals. Since Smirke lived a couple of hundred years ago, it could mean most of his rituals were attempted back then, and that’s why most of them were due to be attempted again around 2007. But that gives us the same problem, just further back in time. Why was it that most of the rituals could have been attempted about the same time, back when Smirke wrote them down?

I think the reason was, most of the powers had never attempted a ritual before Smirke designed them. The Powers have no creativity (see Part 9) and could not have attempted a ritual until a person came up with one. Smirke says he is unsure if all the powers had rituals before he put pen to paper.   

I think there were two rituals that Smirke designed that were attempted relatively long after his death. The Slaughter ritual probably needed a great war to succeed, and therefore did not happen until War War 2. And the Hunt ritual took over a hundred years to set up, as it included two groups of explorers from over a hundred years apart.

Three rituals predate Smirke’s creations, those of the Dark, The Vast and the Stranger. 

Smirke got his ideas for rituals after hearing of the ritual of the Dark. In Heart of Darkness, Manuella implies her ritual had been planned for three hundred years, after the failure that birthed the thing inside Rayner. I think when Flamsteed drowned Reimer in The Movement of the Heavens, he stopped the first ritual of the Dark. Reimer was drowned May 2 1715. On May 3 1715 there was a Total Eclipse that could be seen in London. (That date is from real life, not mentioned on the show.) I think that’s when the first Darkness ritual was gonna happen.  

The first Unknowing happened in 1787, Smirke was born in 1780. So unless he invented it as a child, it predates him.

In Big Picture Simon talks about the last ritual he attempted, in 1853. That implies he’s had at least one earlier attempt. Simon became an avatar in the 1500s, so he’d probably only had time to do two ritual attempts in total.

[mrs-hollandstan]

HC \\ Tom Holland Kinks

Warnings: this is all smut... I dunno what more to say. There also might be some language

Author’s Note: So it seems that out of the top two fics people are excited for when it comes to my recent poll, this one held top spot for the most time so here it is. :) I hope you guys enjoy!

My Masterlist | Add yourself to one of my taglists 

Tying Up:

when it comes to tying you up, it's pretty simple

he doesn't exactly like the idea of ropes

too murdery

ties are more his style

after a gala or premiere (if he wears one), the tie comes off and is used to secure those wrists

he's very adamant on it

"lemme see them darling."

he has this sinister smile about him and it has tingles running across your body

but you do it

and he especially loves when you're knelt on the bed in whatever dress you've work that night

especially if it's a cocktail dress he strictly remembers riding up as you ground back against him in the club you'd gone to

and especially if your thighs are spread enough that its tight around your thighs and is riding up again and your eyes hold that innocence they always do

he loves when you look innocent

there's something about seeing you so innocent when he has every naughty thing he wants to do to you running through his mind

he gets so hard at the thought of just holding your tied up hands behind your back while he pounds into you

you swear he gyrates each and every time no matter how sober or drunk he is

"you look so good baby girl. Just so vulnerable."

he's all about that praise when you're all tied up

sometimes if the topic has come up and you're too far from home he'll totally use it in a bathroom or something

he gets off exceptionally easy if you're completely naked and he's fully clothed

there's something about you being at his complete mercy that gives him a power trip

whether it's in an event's bathroom or a hotel room, he's not afraid to pin you to a wall, one leg hooked around his waist and your hands held over your head, pinned to the wall by his own much larger hand on the tie between

there's something about this notion that gets you both hot and bothered

when you see him smoothing his tie down, you know you're in for it

and for sure, by the end of the night you're pinned down with your hands behind your back

Role-Play:

if Tom comes home to role-play, you're really in deep

it can get him hard in an instant and if he's come in tired, he suddenly very much isn't

his favorite of your costumes (mostly halloween costumes but they've taken on a more sexy tone) is a sexy little maid costume he bought you

if he comes home to that, whatever you were pretending to dust is what you're bent over

he especially loves if you fake innocence and call him sir like you were a true maid and pretend you didn't know he'd be home so early

sometimes you hear his belt being undone and the zipper on his pants coming down before he's even in the door, that's how excited he is

that'll have him bending you over and pounding into you in seconds

of course there's a nurse costume

he'd be dumb not to have bought a nurse costume

that outfit is paired with a pair of red panties and sometimes a red bra depending on your mood

sometimes you'll ditch the bra because you know how much Tom likes to just drag the zipper on the top down and suck marks into the skin of your breasts and suck at your nipples while you ride him

that costume is second best to the maid costume

and third best is a sexy cop costume

the dark blue costume with the tilted hat is so fucking sexy to him

he loves when you take control in that character

your handcuffs come in handy then

he loves when you handcuff him to the headboard

and you love the giggles that come from his mouth when you give him the riot act before you climb over him

this is the only exception for keeping your clothes on before and during sex

of course, you're always shimmying out of the outfit afterwards, but it's fun while it lasts

but despite his top three, he really likes any costume on you

most hug your curves and it drives him wild

so wild that he may or may not have torn the crotch out of the prisoner costume you have

at least now you can ride him and he can watch your tits bounce beneath the bright orange

and of course he pretends to be a guard and you're paying your way out of being put in solitary confinement

Ice Play:

Tom loves to tease when he takes over

especially if it comes to ice because it's so easy to come by

sometimes he'll just stare you down with ice in his mouth and he knows it gets to you

his family is none the wiser, carrying on the conversation they were having

but his eyes are locked on you across the table as you have to press your thighs together and he gives you a cocky smile

the longer it goes, the more pent you both are, the better and more pleasurable it'll be

he loves to tease with ice because he knows that feeling ice over your scolding skin is one of the sexiest feelings for you

especially if you’re blindfolded

sometimes he doesn't tease though

sometimes he’ll just takes an ice cube into his mouth and crawl over you, dragging it against your thighs

if you’re blindfolded, which Tom loves to do when it comes to ice play, he loves the gasp that leaves your mouth and the way your skin goosebumps

hearing you whimper when water trickles across your skin is what he loves most

the way it melts and you squirm

most times this goes down, he’s told you you’re not allowed to move your arms from wherever they’ve rested

he runs ice cubes over the inside of your thighs, your nipples, your clit (which always draws a gasp from you) before he uses his teeth to pass it into your teeth before he gets to work

pushing an ice cube up into you has him so hard, he goes to town right then and there, getting a little pleasure of his own when he feels the melting ice cube hit his tip

just hearing you suck in a breath when he sips his whiskey and you hear the ice makes him happy

and it seems like he likes to force people to use ice or get ice just to tease you

getting one of the boys to drink their alcohol with ice only to eye you each time they click around in the tumblers is how he knows to control you

and there most definitely was one time at a holiday dinner where he sucked a piece of ice into his mouth, sucking his drink from it before sliding it from his mouth and across your thigh beneath the table

no one caught on as he slid it to the inside of your thigh and brushed your underwear aside to slip it inside of you

and he definitely earned a dirty look from your flustered self

Spanking:

when you hear Tom say you've been a bad girl, you know he's in a playful mood

and of course, as someone who goes to the gym religiously, he has a high stamina and each sex session is playful

he discovered early on in the relationship that you were into being spanked

just as a playful little thing to do around family when you were joking and messing around

and the first time he’d done it, you’d gasped and placed your hand over the space where he’d done it

he thought he was gonna get yelled at, but you had backed him into a closet later on in the night

sometimes it's light-hearted, just fun little swats

playful little swats in the morning as you make breakfast

you giggle and he does it again until you whine his name or bite your lip in a way that tells him you’re in the mood he was hoping for

sometimes you’ll do it to him, but it isn’t really in a sexual nature

yours is more playful, loving couple shit

if he really wants to get to you, to torture you, full on bending you over his knees so he can watch the skin turn red is the way to go

he pairs this type of spanking a lot with tying you up so all you can do is squirm and whimper when he does it

reaching down between your legs and feeling how wet you've grown when he spanks you has him cumming in his pants

sometimes you'll moan daddy and shake your ass back into his hand just to tease him

he just growls and swats harder at your bottom making you squeal and giggle

that’s one way to get him in a really good mood

calling him daddy is one of the biggest ways to get HIM in the mood much like spanking and ice is with you

he doesn’t really like to expose that he likes being called it, but you know he does

that’s one of your dirty little secrets

one of the times that you and he had both gotten off really hard and been exhausted for like a day afterwards, he’d tied you to the headboard, slipping another into your mouth to tie around your head and gag you while he spanked you, going between his hand and gently with a belt when his hand tingled

but you both loved it and he asked periodically if it was okay to keep going

this was the kinkiest the both of you had ever been, the most intense experience you’d ever had, and the first time he’d ever edged you, slipping his fingers inside of you every so often

spanking is always a go to with Tommy

Thigh Riding & Dry Humping:

his favorite place to be for this kinda stuff is at the dining room table

he knows if he's there, he's got a very good chance of you climbing over him and getting yourself off

sometimes you'll come in from wherever you went and find him at the table and know exactly what he wants

sometimes you'll play dumb

but he normally just beckons you to him and you know what he wants

and you're more than willing to give it to him

him just holding one of your hips with one hand, the thumb on his other hand either held between your teeth or pulling your bottom lip back to watch it flick back in place is what makes the experience so much better

it's what makes you love riding his thigh more than dry humping

just moving yourself back and forth across his thigh, which he continuously clenches to give you that littlest bit more pleasure is intoxicating

and Tom's addicted to the way you look with a dress or shirt ridden up over your thighs so you both can watch you grind down onto his is what draws Tom in

when it comes to dry humping, he's usually holding both hips, grunting as he watches your clothed core press against the straining erection in his boxers or sweats

a lot of the time if it's difficult for him to get a stiffy after he's had a decent amount of alcohol, dry humping is what both starts, and finishes him

he loves laying on the couch, still aware, but drunk off his face, letting you ride him, rough polyester slacks brushing against lacy panties or your bare pussy

that's when the praise really slips from his mouth and you, with liquid courage coursing through your veins as well, are spurred on

dry humping is one of Tom's favorites, hearing you whimper early in the morning when he's lazy and needs something but isn't into full blown penetrative sex

he wouldn't dare say he likes it more than sex though, even if it is kinda true

just grinding himself into you, still warm and sleepy in bed

the way his arms wrap around you, clinging to you as he gets you both to cum in your underwear

and if you're not in bed, he gets so turned on, watching a wet spot form on his pants from you

and it definitely reassures him that he makes you wet when he's not so sure

Handjobs & Fingering:

this is less of a kink and more Tom's love for foreplay

he's the king of foreplay

whilst Tom loves your mouth and those moments when you climb over him and work both of you out, he definitely loves the sort of mutual masturbation thing

if he comes home and sees you set up in front of the mirror, he gets giddy

he especially loves if you're wearing lingerie and you just talk to him before

he loves leaning against the footboard of your bed, eyes locked in yours as you talk for a few minutes, your legs moving about as your nerves completely dissipate

and once he does touch you- mind = blown

just watching you come apart at his touch, and he at yours is what he loves

the way once the conversation has shrivelled between the two of you, you love watching his hand slide down your belly and into your panties

you giggle and he smiles and while he gently rubs your clit to start to get you wet, you'll reach behind you and rub him through his pants or sometimes you'll just slip your hand into his pants to start stroking him

he gets off watching your hand come down around him while you watch him touch you in the mirror

and you absolutely love the way his lashes flutter against his beautiful creamy skin as his body succumbs to pleasure

you love his fingers and he loves yours

you also love the way his middle and ring fingers look when they brush over your clit

you’d always zoomed in on his hands in pictures of him just to joke about how his ring finger would look in a ring

and he knows that

he wants nothing more sometimes than to just get a release without really working for it

obviously he works you for it, but he really doesn't have to try

for some reason he feels like he can get you to cum easier than he can get himself to cum

and sometimes it's as easy as just matching your pace as you jerk him off

and once you both cum, you like to torture each other with licking his cum off your hand and him licking your juices off his fingers

sometimes (most of the time) it spurs on some really good sex, like the type where teeth clash and it's hot and neighbor complaint inducing

Public Sex:

Tom is a sucker for public anything

he may seem like a certain type of private person but when he's addicted to you, it's different

if you tease him under a table, no matter who you're with if you're with someone, he'll happily do it right back (after he smashes his knee into the pole)

once he can get through the tears and explanations, its game on

if its urgent, he's very adamant on sex in the car

he does have his moments where he craves it

it's as if you're starving the boy of sex (which you most definitely are not)

when he resorts to car sex and you're weary, he claims the windows are tinted enough for no one to catch you

and you believe him even though Harrison has caught you- maybe more than once

sometimes you don't even make it to the car, he's dragging you to the bathroom so fast your head literally spins

he especially does this if you're clubbing

the music is so loud and he half assed jokes that he's seeing if he can make you scream louder than the music

which if you're drunk enough, is sometimes just a competition

he just loves to see you bent over something with your underwear (if you're wearing any) around your knees

there's definitely a video on Pornhub of a couple going at it in a club bathroom that he loves and uses

the way the guy is so rough with the girl and there's nearly no clothes shed is hot as fuck

he loves the way you look half drunk and being fucked against a bathroom counter

and when you give consent it’s one hundred percent sexier because most times you want it and you’ll just sit there and scream or cry out a chant of “yes” and he’s done for

no matter what circumstances, bathroom sex brings something primal out of him

just the thought of getting caught spurs an orgasm from him because it's hot as fuck

but fingering you at dinner and then licking them clean as if he got some of his food on them has you wanting him more than ever

especially if you're with his family

his Catholic upbringing family

it's as if he's doing something in retaliation

but you let him and that's why he's obsessed

and he's always happy to oblige to any of your requests

especially if it may or may not get you caught

Permanent Taglist: @embrace-themagic @t-holland @spiderman-n @winters-beauty @smexylemony @lolabean1998 @musiclover1263 @xxtomxo @chillinjules @sincerelyfan @justkeepdreaminganddreaming @spnobsessedmemes​ @hazmyheart​ @saltysebastianstan​ @petty-geminii @motherhyuckerdude @counting-eyerolls​ @princezzariel​ @martinimendes @happytappy02 @lilya-petrichor​ @20coldhearts​ @random-fandomer​ @kalliria​ @celinelopez3​ @im-tajah​ @itsjusttor​ @popluckbih​ @obsidianspidey​ @takemetooneverlanddd​ @marshyrebelcloud​ @zabdisamor​  @marvelismylifffe​ @loveylangdon​ @inlovewithmobtom​ @tsh-darling​ @bangtan-serendipity​ @peterbeterbarker @bonfirelohve​ @meg-holland​ @localfangirlx​ @turtlee-says-rawr​ @sadbitchfangirl @th0ttie4tommy​ @w-jhxk-yj @thatweirdominic @mytonycinematicuniverse​ @chances-and-miracles​ @averyfosterthoughts​ @liberty01​ @hatterripper31​ @agirlwithpointlessideas​ @cassiopeiaskies​ @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory​ @deviilsangel​ @peterspideysense​ @mariejulianposts​ @hannahholland1811​ @jackiehollanderr​ @peterparkerbabyyy​ @artsyle​ @unbelievableholland​ @hollandjmc​ @lmao-whats-up​ @getmebieber​ @biebsmylife95​

Tom Holland Tags: @mariejulianposts @hollandjmc @lmao-whats-up

[zoocross0vers]

ZOOTOPIAN SONIC THE HEDGEHOG BRAINSTORM TIME DAY 3

CHARACTERS AND CHARACTER ROLES

The Heroes Concept

Sorry for delay but I finally showing topic that what character would fit into character and how their roles would look like (I explain in here)

As an example let’s start with main cast:

Sonic as Sonic - since he’s the main character of the story there’s no need to change his character role since those are key-important for the plot like in movie

(here’s his profile just in case: https://sonic.fandom.com/wiki/Sonic_the_Hedgehog_(Paramount)#Cast_)

The only in his case would be the change of place and  comunity: he’s in world of anthromophic mammals with no powers and certain prejudices and stereotypes, and sometimes certain paranoias, which that makes his anxietes harder since he is also a mammal/hedgehog but still different: blue, prefers shoes, glowes instead of clothes and has powers. And it could be possibility that when he arrived on Zootopia (not sure how if their planet is called Earth or not) the missing mammal case was happening and distrust towards mammals was growing, give him reason to not show up after what happened last time. There could be also small possibility he helped stopped the Bellwether takeover although unknowingly (or maybe not? who knows) and some two pair of eyes probably might noticed him even briefly though if you know what I mean. But for the record he decided to hide in Green Hills where he meet Nick and Judy and you know the rest.

Nick Wilde as Tom Wachowski

Tom personality

Kind-hearted and hard-working, Tom actively pursues the chance to help other people and is dedicated to his duty as Green Hills’s sheriff. He is very brave and is not afraid to get physical if the need arises and is protective of those he cares about. Despite his sharp tongue and an occasionally dark sense of humor, he is very sweet and gentle and frequently goes out of his way to assist others. Tom enjoys telling corny jokes, whether he is alone or with company. According to Sonic, Tom often talks with donuts and eats them if they “do not listen him”.

He dislikes boredom to the point that Green Hills’ lack of action nearly drives him out of his hometown to pursue work in San Fransisco. Tom shows open skepticism when presented with a situation that seems odd or fabricated, such as when he first met Dr. Robotnik. Although Tom is not afraid to fight, he prefers to avoid resorting to violence, shown when he tried to leave the Piston Pit when confronted by angry bar patrons.

Nick personality

https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Nick_Wilde

Since those two are pretty much different when it comes certain things but have still lot in common like bad pun jokes and sense for justice.

It was not easy to make it right. I wanted him fit into Tom’s role but also keep his Wilde charm he has. Thankfully I was able to do right somehow so here it is:

Nick was actually born in Green Hills and was friend with Judy Hopps in childhood after incident with Gideon, but after incident with Ranger Scouts where she was present in this case ashamed for certain actions he decided to move (or run away) to Zootopia to live as shifty fox, unaware of him been targeted by Bellwether. But Judy whose also decided to study in Zootopia find and trying to make up to him and bring him back to Green Hills. After studying, while dating, they return to Green Hills get married and Nick follows footstep to became sheriff be a better person (unaware of him also been followed by small certain blue guardian: take a hint of what I mean by it). After hearing of Bellwether case he wants to try be a cop in Zootopia to find a purpose (instead just leave Green Hills out of boredoom he wants to prove himself be better). He sympatize with Sonic more since he knows what is like to feared of what you are and been haunted by a past. I still need to work on that.

Judy Hopps as Maddie Wachowski

Maddie Personality

As a veterinarian, Maddie cares deeply about living creatures and enjoys helping them to heal. She scolds Tom not to shoot the raccoons that get into their trash with her dart gun and gets annoyed with him when she finds out he shot Sonic with it. She also shows sympathy for Sonic when she sees that his feet hurt because he wore through his sneakers. She works well under-pressure and shows emotional and intellectual maturity. She is very loving and supportive of her husband. She made him a cake to congratulate him in case he got the job he wanted in San Francisco and another cake in case he did not get it. She also tells him that since he has made sacrifices for her, she is happy to sacrifice for him.

Judy Personality

https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Judy_Hopps

They sure have more in common aside for job. She cares for her husband since childhood despite of what happened, she even go after him to make up to him, save him from wrong path and ask for forgiveness, since she feels responsible for it, even though none of both was fault. She was born in Bunnyburrow but always visited her relatives from mothers side in Green Hills where she also first met Nick (inspired by my life, I really love to visit my relatives) She wanted to be cop but could not, but also found a passion in medicine and that is why she became vet after she moved in Green Hills with Nick (those two make a really great team, also it is nice callback from concept of Zistopia where Nick pretented to be vet). She also shows connection with Sonic and in this case has less problems with his “nudity” considering she always has to check her patients without clothes. (trust me I know what I talking about)

Again still need to work on that. I hope you help me grinding with this. For now that is all but I promise there will be more. Also think you can pictures on those description since I dont know how to do that along with your opinions? (you can use my drawing for that if you want ;-D)

And also:

HAPPY 5TH ANNIVERSARY ZOOTOPIA

...

Hi Guest! I’m so sorry for taking forever to get back to you on this. Hope you had a great 5th Zootopia Anniversary! I watched the movie again that day and even after 5 years, I still love that movie!!! <3 <3 <3 

But anyhoo, on to this lovely Sonic crossover!

When it comes to the setting, do you think Green Hills should actually be BunnyBurrow? Or do you want Green Hills to remain it’s own thing?

I guess I ask because the way Nick is being set up, he kind of reminds me of this one fic that Helthehatter wrote called, “Blueberries”, where it’s an alternate story of how Nick and Judy met. In that fic, Nick is a deputy in BunnyBurrow and his police partner is Finnick and Nick is pretty bored because not much happens in a small town like BunnyBurrow (that is until he meets Judy, who never became a cop before meeting him). 

I picture Nick would be something like this where he and Judy weren’t the ones who solved the Bellwether and Nighthowlers case, but Jack and Skye. And he wants to have an exciting adventure like that and be a hero, do something important, but nothing ever happens in BunnyBurrow/Green Hills. 

I could still see Judy being his partner on the force, but unlike him, she’s actually pretty content being a cop in a small town. Though, if you like the idea of her being a vet better for this then I could work with that ^^

Personality wise it shouldn’t be too hard to give the characters similar traits since they seem to have enough in common. 

Would it be okay if Judy does at least try to get Sonic to wear some clothes, it still feels like something she would do, lol! ^^” But of course, in a nice understanding way rather than in a panicky manner.

When it comes to Sonic, rather than Nick just forming a sort of best friendship with him, maybe Sonic can kind of look up to him and Judy like parents? I mean, Sonic is still a teenager and Nick and Judy are full grown adults. That way at the end, he really is joining a new family. :)

I think I like the idea of this Nick having been born in Green Hills/Bunny Burrow rather than Zootopia, because that makes his desire for a new and bigger setting more important. If he grew up in Zootopia, left it, then wants to go back to it, then it kind of takes away that feeling of wanting more.

In regards to Sonic, maybe he decided to hide not just because he’s a blue hedgehog, bust also because he’s basically walking around naked and maybe when he first showed up he walked like that in front of some old ladies and he scared them. Ever since then he decided to observe the animals from afar. It’d be a good reason too why he had a disguise too. Here not to blend in as a human, but simply to cover himself up?

I say let’s just call the Zootopia world Earth. It’s easier ^^

Not sure yet, if Sonic should’ve had an active role in the nighthowler incident, but maybe he did manage to see the fear and chaos it caused in animals via Nick and Judy’s TV and by observing animals from afar. If he did decide to help solve it though, maybe he probably just helped Jack and Skye grab the concentrated pellet and handed it to them like a blue blurr and then with that evidence in their grasp, it proved enough to arrest Bellwether and they got the credit since nobody saw him.

This is all I got so far. Does this work for you? Is there more you’d like to add or change?

[just-absolutely-super]

Finally got around to watching the Sonic movie (after much debate) so here’s some thoughts on it:

The Good

One thing I will say is that the story itself was good. It’s simple but not in a bad way. I enjoyed the themes they were trying to explore in regards to Sonic’s isolation and desire to belong and make friends. It’s cheesy for sure, but the kind of cheese I very much enjoy.

Going into Sonic’s character...I’ll admit, I actually thought he was quite cute and charming (even if his realistic CG appearance is unsettling at times). He seems more child-like than his game counterpart imho but for this universe it makes a lot of sense (especially since he spent 10 years alone rather than saving the world). I also like the little touches they made with his character design like how where he runs so much his shoes and socks get wear and tear.

Ben Schwartz did an amazing job voicing him too. I thought he capture the spirit of Sonic with his sass and carefree tone. There were also times where he kinda reminded me of Jaleel White’s Sonic voice from the 90′s.

it’s such a shame i couldn’t completely enjoy it because every time he opened his mouth I heard Dewey Freaking Duck

The human characters weren’t bad either. I thought I’d get annoyed with them, but I thought James Marsden’s character was a good foil to a more naive and hyperactive Sonic.

I also like Maddie (Tom’s wife) even if she didn’t really do a whole lot in the film. I just appreciated that she and Tom were already married and we didn’t have to deal with a forced romance plot for them because it’s already said and done lmao

The “Bad”

Putting the quotations because it’s not exactly bad imho--just really weak

While I didn’t mind the human characters, they really were the weakest part of the film for me.

Tom’s story about whether or not he should stay a small-town cop never really felt like a weighted issue to me. He never looked like he was struggling with the decision to move onto a new chapter in his life; and even when Sonic got mad at him about leaving Green Hills, he still didn’t really look like a big decision like a job change really effected him. So when he ends up saying he wasn’t going to move I was just kinda like......okay so?

ngl there were also parts where Marsden’s acting felt wooden whenever he was interacting with Sonic but I’ll chalk it up to him not knowing how to act around someone who isn’t there.

Agent Stone’s character was also a head tilter for me. I kinda get what his purpose was as Dr. Robotnik’s lackey, but overall it was just weird to see him show up for more comic relief. It would have made more sense if Robotnik had a robot sidekick instead like how he does in other media.

Also I’m really not sure why Maddie's sister hates Tom so much other than they just really wanted the typical, “the girl’s family hates her husband for dumb reasons,” trope. It felt unnecessary and out of place imho

Next on the list of weak things is the reason Sonic had to leave his home world (unsure if it’s really an alien planet or another dimension).

While I do like the aspect that he had to leave because his speed is so coveted that others would want to capture him/kill him for it....but why were the Echidnas the one hunting him down?

Unless the power of his super speed came from Chaos himself, I don’t see why they would go on a manhunt for him and (possibly) kill his mother figure for it? It just doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

Finally, the the biggest part of this: Dr. Robotnik (as he is referred to in the movie) aka Eggman

So let me start out by saying that I love Jim Carrey. Like he just makes me happy every time I watch him in a movie. He’s like, a comfort actor if that’s even a real thing.

But I could not separate the actor from the character in this movie.

It really was just Jim Carrey...being Jim Carrey.

There were times where I could see Eggman’s character (his arrogance, belittling others for not being as smart as he is), and at the end I could definitely hear Jim Carrey replicate Mike Pollock’s signature Eggman voice...

But in the end, he just wasn’t Eggman to me. Hell, even the reason for his nickname doesn’t make a lot of sense!

Like watching this entire movie I kept wondering how they would incorporate eggs into Robotnik’s character. Jim Carrey is super skinny, so it can’t be his body type that would garner the nickname. I couldn’t think of any egg-related anecdotes that would be used if you’re calling someone crazy. So what’s the reason he’s called Eggman?

His drones

Yeah...that’s it. It’s because his drones are white and kinda ovally I guess? Jim Carrey referred to them as his “eggs” once when he’s introduced and it’s never brought up again until the climax where Sonic said, “your eggs are impressive Mr. Eggman,” and I’m not lying, I had to pause the movie and rewind because I did not catch why Sonic was suddenly referring to him as Eggman now. It’s just that random to me.

I mean granted it’s not necessarily a bad way to use Eggman’s canon name...but it definitely seemed like the writers went over and beyond trying to figure out a way to include it in the story because we have to call him Eggman SOMEHOW!

Final Conclusion

It’s not a bad movie. I’ve definitely seen worse. Really, the only time I really enjoyed it was when Sonic was on screen and interacting with everyone and everything around him. Everything else was just kinda bland though, but that’s just me. Overall, I’d say it’s worth at least a watch or two.

Rating-wise, I’d give it 3/5

I might check out the sequel but it’ll only be once it comes to streaming services like this one.

[devincly]

{ tom holland, cis man, he/him } have you heard that JOSHUA “J” CODY from ANIMAL KINGDOM appeared in town?  i know, i can’t believe it either.  he is TWENTY-ONE years old and are a COLLEGE STUDENT.  I’ve heard that he has a tendency to be INDEPENDENT & INTELLIGENT and RESENTFUL & RUTHLESS, and they have SOME of their old memories.

cw: drugs, death, murder, gangs

HISTORY.

joshua "j" cody is the son of julia cody, the grandson of janine "smurf" cody, the nephe of andrew "pope", craig, and deran cody. his father is both his uncle, baz blackwell, who smurf brought him in when he was twelve.

j's mother is pope's twin sister. his mom wasn't close to most of her family. an exception seems to be with pope, however, to whom she was kind and attentive toward in childhood.

after julia was thrown out of the cody house, she didn't keep in close contact with them. she was pregnant when they kicked her out, and she only took j to visit them when he was incredibly young. soon, she stopped all contact altogether. baz did not acknowledge j as his son.

j is taken in by the family when julia dies of an overdose, being suddenly surrounded by people: pope, craig, deran, and baz. for the first time in his life, j finds himself navigating through a new world of material abundance and aggression. he learns to survive on top of finding his moral compass. he tries to fit in with his uncles' complicated and crazy lifestyle by accommodating to their will many times.

throughout the year, j continues to get sucked into the cody's ways and gets more involved in what they do. when smurf is arrested for a crime she did not commit, she puts j in charge.

long story short, j killed his grandma. despite it, however, he is shocked by what he did.

i will add more to this as the series goes on.

IVYWOOD.

in ivywood, josh feels like he was either kidnapped or drugged or something that led him to the town’s motel. so far, he has been here for a few months now. as he figures that no one is searching for him, he has decided to get into college and try and live a somewhat normal life than what he is accustomed to. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

i would love to have his uncles here! mainly daren and craig. here’s a bit of info about them:

deran cody is the baby and momma’s boy out of his brothers. he is roughly twenty-five (at least in season 1). initially, he hid his sexuality from his family but finally came out to his grandma when he opened up his own bar! he is pretty much tired of the business, but still does jobs.

craig cody is the WRECK. he is a bit older than deran (about five years). he has a strong drug problem and isn’t much reliable or responsible. he drinks and parties all of the time. he’s pretty much muscle. not a thought behind his eyes.

a possible ship? he has the tendency to go towards girls who have an edgy side or a dangerous type relationship (like he literally had a relationship with his teacher and then turned her into the cops because she was trying to get intel on his family). but i would also love a softer ship for him?? since he’s not around so much ... “business” and shit.

[lokilickedme]

Master Fic List ~ updated 7/13/20

Sorry for taking so long to do this...it was brought to my attention that it’s been almost a year since I updated this list and several people have requested it - so here you go, my fully updated and almost completed Master Fic List with links, synopsis, character rosters, pairings, ratings, word/chapter counts, warning tags with squick notices, and update dates.

All fics on this list are posted at AO3 unless noted

*The Loki Reads series is exclusively on tumblr.com

Everything is under the cut because this list is LONG (75 individual works, 13 series, plus published works included at the end of the list)

Fics are categorized by main character (i.e. Loki, Tom Hiddleston as Original Characters, etc)

Series and associated AU’s and side stories are grouped together (Chemical + Prehistories + Troika Apocalyptica + Penumbraluna + Wolfsbane…you get the idea)

Fics are identified as WIP (work in progress) or complete, with associated word counts and chapter amounts.  Latest update dates are noted for WIPs.

WARNINGS are notated, though the warning tags at AO3 should be paid attention to because they are far more complete and detailed.

Fic genres (romance, comedy, thriller) are briefly notated but these are general.

There is a link at the end of the list to my published books at Amazon, if you’re interested in those.

This list will be updated as fics update and incomplete information will be added as I have time.

Click READ MORE to see the complete list:

Exclusively on tumblr:

Part 1 - Loki Reads The Night Manager Part 2 - Loki Reads High Rise Part 3 - Loki Reads Fifty Shades of Grey

~WORKS AT AO3~

Word/chapter counts are current as of 7/13/2020

Loki

Jack Montague - WIP - 183,860 words, 65 chapters, ongoing - WARNINGS: hardcore sex, language, violence, sexual deviance, mentions of abuse, mentions of depression, explicit everything, blood/vampyric activities, numerous smutty kinks, and whatever else you can think of.  Not kidding, everything in this one is really hardcore.  Supernatural romance/adventure in the post-MCU/Post-2012 Avengers.  Main character - Loki.  Secondary character/love interest -  Jack Montague.  Relationship - Loki/Jack. Side characters - Adam (OLLA), Thor, Nick Fury, Eve (OLLA), Selina (Sanguine).  The Trickster God has been exiled to Earth for a very long time…as the oldest living monster in the realm, he’s bored off his skull and endlessly intrigued when he runs across a monster of an entirely different kind - and strikes up a playful romantic partnership with a vampire who may be far more than he bargained for.  *EXTREMELY EXPLICIT*  Updated 6/14/20

Sugar Skull - complete - 3115 words.  Side story to Jack Montague, part 3 of The Joker And The Thief.  Main character - Loki.  Side characters - Jack, Thor. WARNINGS: Language, sex.  What Loki does every year on Halloween.  *MATURE*   **also published in the Trickster Tales compendium

The Gucci Incident - complete - 4278 words.  Side story to Jack Montague, part 2 of The Joker And The Thief.  Main character - Loki.  Side characters - Adam.  WARNINGS:  Mostly language.  Loki and his vampire father-in-law Adam chase a pair of bedroom slippers across New York City.  *MATURE*

The Trickster’s Wife - complete - 71,001 words, 31 chapters.  Post Avengers, MCU.  Romance/epic adventure.  WARNINGS:  Very explicit sex, some language, some violence, very adult themes, mentions of abuse.  Main character - Loki.  Secondary character/love interest:  Princess Anja.  Relationship -  Loki/Anja.  Side characters - Thor, Odin, Frigga, Bragneire.  Asgard needs Loki, but Loki has a price - a wife he has no right to ask for.  So of course he does just that.  *MATURE, EXPLICIT*

The King of All The Rest - WIP - 1444 words, 1 chapter, ongoing (Part 2 of Myths of Asgard) - Sequel to The Trickster’s Wife.  Romance/comedy. Main characters - Loki, Bragneire, Anja.  Relationship -  Loki/Anja.  Loki has retired, left Asgard, left the throne, left everything save for one beautiful thing that he’ll never lose again…the wife he fought so hard to keep.  WARNINGS: Sex, language. *MATURE*

The King’s Heart - complete - 47,229 words, 21 chapters.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, sexual violence, abuse, language, mental illness, blood, grief, very adult themes.  Main character - Loki.  Secondary character/love interest - Lyra.  Side characters - Thor, Frigga, Aleks Lokisson, several offspring.  Post-Avengers UA.  Loki has been given the throne, but his apparent madness prevents him from opening his heart to his new queen. *VERY EXPLICIT*  **currently being reworked for publication

The Wolf King - complete - 44,315 words, 17 chapters.  WARNINGS:  Sexual activity, language, some violence, smutty talk from Loki, adult themes.  Fluffy adventure/romance.  Loki’s son Aleks has been handed the throne, but he doesn’t want it yet - not while there’s a universe to be conquered in “other” more satisfying ways.  But a mysterious pair of offworlders have a vested interest in the boy king fulfilling his prophecy the way his famous father did.  Main characters - Aleks, Loki.  Secondary characters/love interests - Cara, Lyra.  Side characters - Thor, The Syl, Sleipnir, Loki’s daughters, some surprise guests at the end. *MATURE*

Lost Creatures - complete - 4929 words.  Main characters - Loki, Thor.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, explicit language, violence, male/male.  Loki and Thor have always loved as much as they’ve hated…but which of the two emotions is the stronger?  *EXPLICIT*  **published in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

Civil Disobedience - complete - 1066 words.  WARNINGS:  Spanking, nonconsensual. Main character - Loki.  Short vignette involving a Dominant Loki and his disobedient plaything.  *EXPLICIT*   **Rewritten for publication in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

Mine - complete - 2051 words.  WARNINGS: Explicit sex, language, voyeurism, angst.  Main character - Loki. Side characters - Thor, the bride.  She was one thing over all others…she was mine. *EXPLICIT*   **published in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

THE TEMPEST SERIES

Main character for all parts - Loki.  WARNINGS FOR ALL PARTS:  Hardcore sex, strong language, some violence, implied bestiality, very heavy smut.  All parts complete.  Dark romance/thriller.

Part 1 - Darkness Lives In Me - Loki’s fall from grace (1421 words) Part 2 - Before Chaos - Loki plots to take over Midgard (3120 words) Part 3 - After The Maelstrom -  Loki kills some time before the conquest (3088) Part 4 - Eye of The Storm -  Loki finds a way to…well… (2369 words) Part 5 - Her Side of The Storm -  Loki’s chosen conquest tells her side (2476) Part 6 - A Perfect Whirlwind -  Loki serves his time, misses his chosen (2928) Part 7 - Cyclone In A Teacup -  A conjugal visitation to Midgard (2654 words) Part 8 - An Intemperate Rain -  Loki comes bearing gifts (2132 words) Part 9 - Darkening Skies -  A trinket with…dubious powers (4304 words) Part 10 - The Nature Of Thunder -  Loki, kidnap, what could go wrong? (3325) Part 11 - Lightning Strikes -  Fury’s revenge, Loki’s redemption (3905 words)

*All parts of the above series:  EXTREMELY EXPLICIT including violent consensual sex*

No Regrets -  complete - 1634 words. WARNINGS:  Crazy explicit sex, language, absolutely no plot.  Smutty comedy.  Loki, dad’s throne, and a willing partner…just another Wednesday on Asgard. Main character - Loki.  Side characters - woman, Thor, Odin. *EXPLICIT* **published in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

Whisper -  complete - 6440 words, 6 chapters.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, explicit language, threatened explicit violence.  Main character - Loki.  Side character - woman.  Romance.  Asgard has fallen while Loki is imprisoned far beneath the city, leaving him the sole survivor - and as the world slowly decays above him, he opens a path to escape through the dreams of a Midgardian female.  *EXPLICIT*

The Dragon Queen - complete - 37,503 words, 28 chapters. Main character - Loki.  Relationship - Loki/Eira.  Romance. WARNINGS: Very hardcore sex, violence, rape, abuse, language, torture.  Odin has given up trying to break Loki - until the day he sends his other prized prisoner into the Trickster’s cell.  *EXTREMELY EXPLICIT*  *WARNING - CONTAINS NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENES*

The Good Stuff -  complete - 3513 words.  WARNINGS: Crude explicit language, some smutty sex and references and drunkenness.  Comedy.  Main characters - Loki and Thor.  Side characters - Frigga, Odin, castle servants.  Two bored brothers, one long night, and mom’s secret hooch stash - what could go wrong?  *MATURE*  **published in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

Smooth Criminal - Part 1 of the Criminal Activity Series - complete - 4252 words.  WARNINGS: Explicit sex and dominance.  Avengers (2012) adjacent.  Where did Loki get that suit anyway?  *EXPLICIT*  **published in the Trickster Tales compendium, original version remains on AO3

Blue Collar Criminal - Part 2 of the Criminal Activity Series - incomplete - 1171 words.  Post-Avengers.  WARNINGS: None really, it hasn’t gotten far enough yet.  Sitting on the throne is dull as fuck.  Might as well hit Asgard again, only this time Loki only intends to conquer one human - the girl from the suit shop.  *WILL BE EXPLICIT IF I EVER FINISH IT*

Tom Hiddleston as Original Characters

The Department - WIP - 148,227 words, 37 chapters, ongoing. *UPDATED 7/10/20* Main characters - Greta (OFC), Chief (Tom Hiddleston).  Side characters - Andy (Andrew Hozier-Byrne), Cree (Jason Momoa), Cade (Chris Evans), Kevin (Dave Bautista), Hawk (David Tennant), Sarah (Sarah Lancashire), Ted (Sebastian Stan), Wilson (Owen Wilson).  Pairings:  Greta/Chief, Greta/Andy (FWB).  Comedy/romance.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, explicit crude language, sexist banter, minor violence.  Greta arrives in a small town in Minnesota to wait out her disciplinary review after an on the job accident and struggles to survive a crackpot stationhouse full of cops who may or may not be quite what they seem…while trying really hard not to fall in love with the Chief.  *EXPLICIT*  - updates weekly (Sundays) **now off hiatus!

Hammer Of The Gods - WIP - 29,935 words - 28/30 chapters, ongoing.  *UPDATED 4/18/20*  Main characters - Jake (Tom Hiddleston), Tate (OFC), Pete (Chris Hemsworth).  Pairing: Jake/Tate.  WARNINGS: hardcore language, explicit sex, mild/brief violence, referenced mental/emotional/verbal abuse.  AU Loki and Thor as human construction workers renovating a house next door to a recently divorced mom who really needs to learn how to live again.  *EXPLICIT*

Sunflower - WIP - 33,577 words - 13/15 chapters, ongoing.  Main characters - Tommy (Tom Hiddleston), Chloe (OFC/Dove Cameron).  Side characters - Amy (Sarah Wayne Callies), Martin (Idris Elba), Blake (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) , Tony (Robert Downey Jr).  Pairing: Tommy/Chloe.  Sweet romance.  Don’t park in the disabled spot unless you’re ready to fall in love with the girl you stole it from.  WARNINGS:  Sex, mild language, injury description.  *MATURE*

THE MCCLARY CHRONICLES

Part 1 - Sgaile Leannan -  complete - 58,066 words, 20 chapters.  Main characters - King McClary (Tom Hiddleston), Molly Thompkin (OFC).  Romance.  Molly arrives in Scotland on a work assignment and meets her nemesis - the surly kilted sheep farmer who owns the land she’s trespassing on. WARNINGS:  Very explicit sex, explicit language, mild violence.  This story was rewritten for publication with changes - original version remains on AO3.  *EXPLICIT*

Part 2 - Samhach Mhiannan -  complete - 78,763 words, 25 chapters.  Molly returns home to Philadelphia with a little secret - and her world flips upside down when King shows up at her door months later.  SAME WARNINGS AS PART 1. This story was rewritten for publication with minor changes - original version remains on AO3.  *EXPLICIT*

Part 3 - Na Binne an Leann -  complete - 77,600 words, 25 chapters.  Molly moves to Scotland to be with King, but her future with the cranky sheepherder is, as always, shaky and uncertain.  SAME WARNINGS AS PARTS 1 AND 2. This story was rewritten for publication with minor changes - original version remains on AO3. *EXPLICIT*

A Meeting With The King - complete - 2507 words.  Side story to The McClary Chronicles. What really happened that day at Clendon Williams when King met Ian, told from King’s POV. WARNINGS: Some language, mild violence.  *MATURE*

Aingeal Ard - WIP - 16,297 words - 16/20 chapters, ongoing.  *UPDATED 10/14/19*   WARNINGS: rough language, explicit sex.  Main characters - King McClary (Tom Hiddleston), Molly Thompkin (OFC). A retelling of Sgaile Leannan from King’s POV, chapter by chapter.  *EXPLICIT*

Chemical and its Related Side Stories

Chemical - incomplete version, ended - 263,007 words, 58 chapters.  This story was rewritten and completed for publication in two volumes with major changes - the original version minus the final chapters and epilogue remain at AO3.   AU Loki/Tom Hiddleston as a bartender in San Diego who falls for the last girl he should ever look at - who just happens to be his soulmate.  Main characters - Tom Heyworth (Tom Hiddleston), Anja Black (OFC).  Side characters - Chris (Chris Hemsworth), Ewan (Ewan McGregor), Pop Heyworth, Cara, Kady, Robert Laing, Eric (Michael Fassbender).  Romance.  WARNINGS: Extremely hardcore sex of all kinds, language, mild violence, references to past sexual abuse and child abuse. *EXTREMELY EXPLICIT, NOT REMOTELY KIDDING*

THE CHEMICAL PREHISTORIES

All parts complete, all parts MATURE AND/OR EXPLICIT for sex, language, references to past abuse, mild drug use.  **This series of shorts have now been published as Volume Three of the Chemical books

SIR -  Characters:  Anja’s mother and her lover; young Anja Das Vorspiel -  Characters:  Alicia and The Boss Quiet Gods -  Narrator:  Eva.  Characters:  Eva, Tom, Chris Medialuna -  the original unused ending to Chemical Two Princes -  Narrator: Anja ADDITIONAL WARNING: character death The Mechanic -  Narrator:  Chris.  Characters:  Chris, Tom, Anja Eidolon - Narrator:  Emma.  Characters:  Emma, Tom, Anja ADDITIONAL WARNING: disturbing imagery, imagined character death, mental illness The Scottish Barman -  Narrator:  Ewan.  Characters:  Ewan, Tom, Anja Taos -  Narrator:  Alicia  ADDITIONAL WARNING: character death Girly -  Narrator:  Anja

Penumbraluna -  complete - 19,179 words, 10 chapters. Main characters - Tom and Chris (as teens).  Side character - Meredith Hemberley.  Coming of age.  WARNINGS:  Strong language, references to sexual abuse and child abuse, mild drug and alcohol use, male/male (brief), semi-explicit sex, character death.  Tom’s friendship with Chris, from the day they met as kids up to the point where Chemical begins.  *VERY MATURE THEMES*  **This novella has been published as part of Chemical Volume Three

See You After The Apocalypse - Part 1 of the Troika Apocalyptica series - complete - 5414 words.  Chemical AU, post-Chemical - Tom, Anja, Chris, Pop, Cara, and Tom & Anja’s two babies have all survived the zombie outbreak, hunkered down in the cabin in Big Bear.  But Tom sends Anja and the two little ones away with Chris when the mountain is overrun with the undead.  Will they find each other alive when it’s all over? WARNINGS: Suspense, mild violence.  *MATURE*

Meet Me In Phoenix - Part 2 of Troika Apocalyptica - incomplete - Characters: Tom, Anja, Pop, Chris, Cara.   Chemical AU in which Tom & company survive a zombie apocalypse, are separated, and embark on a cross country quest to find each other again.  WARNINGS: language and some sexual references.  *MATURE*

Wolfsbane -  complete - 1826 words.  Tom/Anja Chemical AU side story.  Assassins in love.  Tom and Anja are agents assigned to bump each other off, if they can stop seducing each other long enough to pull the trigger. WARNINGS:  Language, sex, mild violence.

Tales From Quarantine - ongoing, limited series of oneshots - 6171 words currently, 2 chapters.  Short stories featuring several of my fic couples in lockdown during the covid-19 crisis: Tom and Anja from Chemical, Jack and Loki from Jack Montague, Molly and King from The McClary Chronicles, Adam/Eve/Selina from Sanguine, Jake and Tate from Hammer of The Gods, Tommy and Chloe from Sunflower, Greta and Chief from The Department.  WARNINGS:  explicit sex and language

Tom Hiddleston as Himself:

Body Double - complete - 143,489 words, 40 chapters.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, language, references to past sexual and physical abuse, brief reference to miscarriage, heavy Dom/sub undertones.  Main character - Tom Hiddleston (as himself).  Secondary character/love interest - Anna (OFC).  Side characters - Chris Hemsworth, Ian. Pairing: Tom/Anna.  Romance.  An actor and a body double working on his film embark on a romantic relationship after the movie wraps.  *VERY EXPLICIT*

Other TH Original Characters:

Burn -  complete (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Would You Like To Play A Game? -  complete  (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Golden Boy - incomplete  (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Awakening -  complete - RPF -  (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Beautiful Disaster -  complete  (will fill in this summary ASAP) **this fic has been partly rewritten and published, the original version remains on AO3

Dandelion Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 - complete (will fill in summary ASAP)

Broken Petals - A Magnus Martinsson fic - incomplete

Yes Please, Magnus - Magnus Martinsson fic - complete

Weekly Meetings of The Most Useless Muses in The History of Fanfiction - incomplete - 23,802 words, 22 chapters.  Pretty much what it sounds like.  Characters - all of them.  WARNINGS: All of them.

Adam - Only Lovers Left Alive

Sanguine -  complete - 28,795 words, 16 chapters. Main character - Adam.  Secondary characters - Selina, Eve.  Romance/mystery.  WARNINGS:  Very explicit sex and violence, language, vampirism, blood, pregnancy, rape.  A redemption tale twisted up in an epic love story between a vampire and a mortal who break a few rules and make a few of their own in the process.  *EXPLICIT*

(Adam is also a prominent character in JACK MONTAGUE and THE GUCCI INCIDENT)

Thomas Oakley - Unrelated

Sleep -  complete - 1471 words.  WARNINGS: Sex and language.  Thomas Oakley is chosen for a college sleep studies program.  Too bad the only thing that puts him to sleep is an orgasm.  *MATURE*

Tom Hiddleston - Jaguar Promo

The Way of The Cat -  complete (summary will be filled in ASAP)

Andrew Hozier-Byrne

THE TALIESIN SERIES

Part 1 - Nobody -  complete - 3293 words.  Romance/fantasy.  WARNINGS: character death, raunchy language, implied sex, implied drug use.  A perpetually reincarnating Celtic deity (Andrew Hozier-Byrne) just won’t stop causing problems for the Pantheon, no matter how many times they reboot him and his lover.  Loosely based on the song.  *MATURE* 

Part 2 - Shrine Of Your Lies - WIP - 1011 words, 2/15 chapters, ongoing.  Romance/fantasy.  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, some language, some implied violence.  Taliesin (Andrew Hozier-Byrne) and his lover have been reincarnated again, this time without any memory of who they are - or of each other.  Fate won’t let them wander for long though and their paths cross over two parallel lifetimes. *MATURE*  - this fic may not be updated on AO3 as I plan to change the background setting and include it in the upcoming WICKLOW HOUSE book of short stories

(Andrew Hozier-Byrne is also a prominent character in THE DEPARTMENT)

Can Yaman

Kiz Yan Kapi - The Girl Next Door - WIP - 5533 words, 3/10 chapters  (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Chris Hemworth

Thor’s Beard -  complete - 3163 words (Part 2 of Forgotten Gods, side story to Hammer Of The Gods).  WARNINGS:  Explicit sex, language.  Pete from HoTG hooks up with Jake’s older sister and a battery operated device.  *EXPLICIT*

See You After The Apocalypse - see above under The Chemical Prehistories

(CH is also a major character in Hammer Of The Gods and Chemical)

Allan Hawco/Frontier inspired

A Wife For Mister Brown -  complete  (will fill in this summary ASAP)

Et Tu, Mister Brown? -  complete (will fill in this summary ASAP)

~~PUBLISHED BOOKS~~

All of the following are available at amazon.com in both paperback and Kindle formats:

Sgaile Leannan - Rewritten from AO3 version with changes/additions.  Sex, language, adult situations.  *EXPLICIT*

Samhach Mhiannan - Rewritten from AO3 version with some changes/additions.  Sex, language, adult situations.  *EXPLICIT*

Na Binne an Leann - Rewritten from AO3 version with minor changes/additions.  Sex, language, adult situations.  *EXPLICIT*

Chemical Volume One - Rewritten from AO3 with major changes/additions.  Sex, language, adult situations, references to past child abuse.  *EXTREMELY EXPLICIT*

Chemical Volume Two - Rewritten from AO3 with major changes/additions (includes the final three chapters, ending, and epilogue that are not included in the AO3 version).  Sex, language, adult situations, references to past child abuse.  *EXTREMELY EXPLICIT*

Chemical Volume Three - The Prehistories and Penumbraluna - a compilation of the Chem shorts and the novella (some are partially rewritten)  *EXPLICIT and VERY ADULT THEMES*

Here And There - Book One of The Strada Series - not associated with any AO3 fics.  Sex, language, violence.  Paranormal romance.  A man falls out of the sky - literally - and Holly’s quiet existence goes all kinds of sideways when his otherworldly nemesis follows and the two of them end up in her bed…and inextricably in her life.  The Strada have been here longer than mankind, but their existence has been closed off to the “There” - a dimensional prison realm that separates them from the humans by a split second of time.  When the protective barrier between the dimensions begins weakening, the most dangerous creatures ever created start coming across to wage war against their own kind, using the world of the humans as a battlefield.  Two angelic criminals - Keene and his soulmate Baltho - have been conscripted to regain control...but do either of them want to?  And perhaps more importantly, can they stop fighting with each other long enough to do their one job?   *EXPLICIT SEX, violence*

The Carmichael Addendum - not associated with any AO3 fics.  Sex, language, violence.  Paranormal/supernatural romance.  Clarissa is one of a final few peacekeepers left in a world where the monsters have quietly retreated into myth - but the local library has started spitting immortals and werewolves out through a rift in the Genealogy section, and it’s time for the last two slayers - Clarissa and her ex-husband Kaine - to come out of retirement.  But orchestrating peace with the enemy is a difficult undertaking when you can’t even work out a visitation schedule with the ex and your self-help divorce group is peopled with oddly sexy males of dubious origin.  A heated love triangle with monsters on the side and a middle-aged single mom heroine who’s more than a few years past her prime.  *EXPLICIT SEX, violence, language, adult themes*

Trickster Tales - a compilation of  seven Loki fics that originally appeared on AO3 (most were rewritten to varying degrees for publication).  Includes Mine, The Good Stuff, Civil Disobedience, Smooth Criminal, Lost Souls, No Regrets, and Sugar Skull.  *EXPLICIT SEX and adult themes*

Beautiful Disaster - a short romance in three acts - *adult themes*

*All of the above are available in both paperback and Kindle format

Complete officially published works on my author page at Amazon

[gayenerd]

Green Day Deals with the "Rock Star" Dookie 

by Tom Lanham 

(First appeared in BAM Magazine, March 10, 1995)

 Young, loud, and snotty equals beaucoup bucks? What pencil-pushing, graph-charting trend spotter could've predicted it? But the facts speak for themselves: As of late February, Dookie--the brattish, snap 'n' snarl Reprise salvo from Berkeley's sloppy punk trio, Green Day--has sold six million copies. Six million. Chances are, somebody on your block is jumping up and down in his living room at this very moment to the scrap-metal power chords and ardent apathy of "Longview," "Burnout," "Basket Case," or "When I Come Around" and getting lost in the teen abandon of these testy 22-year-olds--weasel-voiced, Montgomery-Clift-like charismatic singer/guitarist Billie Joe; tom-tom tribal percussionist Tre Cool (of the ever-morphing hair-color fame); and bassist Mike Dirnt (who survived Green Day's appearance at Woodstock '94, although several of his teeth did not). 

Yes, punk rock is a marketable phenomenon these days, leaving many involved with the music's initial late-'70s, early-'80s wave scratching their heads, wondering why it didn't take the first time around. Public reaction started as curiosity ("Hey, honey, c'mere and lookit these goofy, green-haired little whippersnappers in an insane asylum on MTV!"), but spiraled up to rock-diet necessity (Green Day just won Grammy and they're nominated for quite a few Bammies as well, including such categories as Outstanding Group, Outstanding Album, and Outstanding Song--"Longview" and "Basket Case"). The fact that they've been nominated at all probably sends a shiver up the old dinosaur backbones of Eddie Money, Huey Lewis, and Boz Scaggs, a time-creepy feeling of "Gee, what the hell do we do now?" Because this isn't just some flash-in-the-pan punk movement, folks--this is a youth movement; Green Day are, as they hiply term it, "bored in the 'burbs," and reaching out, through TV and radio, like some prodigal preachers to other American kids who sense the same slacker ennui. Obviously, we're talking truckloads of kids. 

Ironically, the more fame edges into the Green Day ruffians' lives, the more mature they seem to become. They've turned down all interview requests as of late, even People magazine, preferring to lay low until this tide of interest recedes. Billie Joe got married last autumn, and spent his honeymoon--not in any exotic, expensive locale--but in Berkeley's grand old Claremont Hotel. Cool recently became a father, and Billie Joe's child is due any day now. It's a responsibility they've both eagerly undertaken. Rob Cavallo, the boys' coproducer and A&R man at Reprise, swears they're "old souls, the smartest young kids I've ever met." It rings true. 

The first time I spoke with Green Day, in January of '94, Cool, Dirnt, and Billie Joe were lazing around their dingy basement apartment in Berkeley, sitting on chairs and couches with potentially painful springs poking through. Rock 'n' roll bubblegum cards were scattered across a coffee table, along with several bongs of various sizes, plus a four-and-a-half foot red plastic pipe dubbed "Bongzilla" leaned against a doorway. The only wall decoration, besides a Ren & Stimpy poster, was a Twister game mat nailed up in its entirety, presumably for high-schoolish humor's sake. 

When I'd met Billie Joe a few months earlier at a campus concert, his hair was dyed lime-green and featured squidlike tufts. Now it was dark brown, with only two tufts remaining, and both his ears and nose had piercings. Periodically during the interview, he'd ram a finger into that pierced nostril, rummage around, then stare idly at the resultant booger before flicking it on to the carpet. Cool wandered out of the rec room for several minutes, but returned, red-eyed, to proudly proclaim, "Lookit me! I'm stoned, dude!" Dirnt--when he wasn't strumming an acoustic guitar--kept watching their windowsill Sea Monkey tank, finally noting, "Hey, these Sea Monkeys look just like sperm!" 

Despite all these schoolboy, poo-poo wit trappings (dookie, after all, is kiddie slang for excrement), there was a sense of seasoned wisdom about them, a feeling that they were, as Cavallo postulated, truly old souls. Like the class clown who frustrates all of his teachers by also maintaining a 4.0 grade average, Green Day can afford to play because their work--brilliantly skewed three-minute pop songs, delivered with such vehemence and vitriol you don't dare doubt them--certainly speaks for itself. But, sooner or later, of course, the band has to speak for itself, too, so what follows is a set of excerpts from that first ratty-digs meeting, as well as a later chat with Billie Joe, sans sidekicks. How did Green Day take over the rock world in less than a year? That's the six-million-copy question, and hopefully we'll provide a few answers. 

* * * 

So punk is back, whether America likes it or not? 

BILLIE JOE: It's always been around, and everyone has their own interpretation of it. It's weird to actually call it "punk" again, when it's been there all the time. 

MIKE DIRNT: It's been springing up in little suburban areas, where people grab it and express themselves. 

TRE COOL: It's people who make a point of setting aside all responsibilities and just playing music. And doing fat joint after fat joint--you have to let go of things like paying rent, going to school, having a job. 

BJ: And, if you can't tell by my house, we don't have a very high standard of living. 

How does today's punk rock differ from its late-'70s cousin?

 BJ: I think it was all about art and fashion back then, really, because everyone who was a punk in England was in art school. I read an early interview with Dee Dee Ramone, where he said he wished the Ramones had more of a glamorous appeal, too, instead of playing in jeans and leather jackets. But it was definitely about fashion, until the Clash really brought out the political side. Our music came from being bored in the 'burbs. You get put in this high school situation, where you're learning someone else's rules in a room with 30 other people that you don't really like. There's nothing interesting about it whatsoever, so you pick up a guitar instead. 

But you all tried college, at least for awhile, right? 

MD: And then we started touring. Constantly. 

TC: So most of our reading now comes from highway signs. 

MD: It's the old grasshopper and the ant story. The thought of actually working is just so... 

TC: Sickening! 

MD: Yeah. So we put everything we had into not working. This is what I do best, and I was always told, "If you're gonna do something, do it the best you can." So why not do the best thing you can, too? 

You guys--at least Mike and Billie Joe--have known each other since you were 10? 

BJ: And the first conversation we ever had was about writing songs. And then we just started playing music. 

A lot of the stuff on your early Lookout! records shows what was on your mind at the time--namely, girls. 

BJ: That was pretty much the viewpoint of a 16-year-old kid. I don't write stuff like that anymore. The new songs are more about coming of age and being apathetic and neurotic.

 Where were your parents when you were touring [at age 16]? 

MD: At work, doing their own thing. 

BJ: My mom's worked a waitress job for like the past 40 years or something, and whatever I was doing was OK with her. 

MD: I moved out when I was 15, and I worked all the way through high school. 

BJ: And me, I've never held a job longer than two weeks. I tried to flip pizzas--it didn't work. I tried cleaning toilets in the Red Onion in El Sobrante. Me and TrŽ, we used to work for the SF Chronicle, selling papers. I sold three the first day, and the next day we just smoked pot, and we smoked pot the next day after that. So we had hella extra papers lying around. Our ultimate goal wasn't to get rich or famous or anything like that. It was to not have a regular job and not be miserable. 

MD: And I've lived in every city around here, except for Albany. Literally. And one thing we want to establish about ourselves is that we're just a bunch of geeks from the suburbs. 

Well, one of the first times I saw you, you guys were closing your set with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." That's pretty geeky. 

MD: I grew up on radio--that's all I had. When I was a little kid, I couldn't afford records. I'll tell you, I've been down to a dollar in my pocket a lot of times. I've even lived in my truck. I can remember shooting rats with a BB gun in the flat we used to live in, before they'd make it to our food. 

BJ: I've always been really good about saving. If I got some money, I'd put it away instead of spending it, and I'd buy ramen. 

Why name your disc Dookie? 

TC: Warner's said we could do anything we want, as long as we didn't say "Cop Killer." 

BJ: Somebody told our manager that the ad for it was the most tasteless thing they'd ever seen in Billboard magazine. 

What exactly do you mean on Dookie by "Welcome to Paradise"? 

BJ, MD, TC [in unison]: West Oakland! 

MD: Living in West Oakland, and going out to parties every night. 

So it cost, what, around $100,000 to make Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. We kept the advances low, because you gotta pay all that shit back. Everyone knows you can't become an instant millionaire just by signing, because there are so many people that want a piece of you. 

BJ: We hang out with mostly punks though, and they don't want anything we have. They could care less. And a lot of our friends don't even agree with us being on a major label. 

Is Green Day angry? 

BJ: No, I'm not angry, like, walking around all the time with a frown on my face. But the way my music is interpreted is very angry. 

MD: When you feel really strongly about something, you want to let it out in the most powerful way possible. 

Like the way you baited your old high school principal from the Warfield stage recently? 

MD: I think he was an asshole. He treated me with no respect. And for high school initiation, we got our heads shaved--that's the kind of small-town shit we had to deal with! Sometimes they made you push a penny up the street with your nose. But that's life, and anywhere you go, you're gonna hate a lot of shit in your life. You'll be handed

Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. Yeah, you'll be handed dookie through all parts of your life. And see, what you need to do is just deal with the dookie, build upon what you have, and make something out of the dookie, you know? Like an adobe dookie building! 

* * * 

Several months later, and Dookie is oozing its gooey way into the public consciousness big time. The fading summer heat sticks crackling to the Berkeley sidewalks as punks--many sporting monstrous green or fuchsia mohawks--zing by on skateboards by day, and huddle in Telegraph Avenue doorways by night, conserving feral body heat the whole time. It feels like another world here, a throwback to the Bay Area's DIY/hardcore scene of the early '80s, when squatters reigned supreme and burlesque Broadway--fueled by all-ages shows at the Mabuhay Gardens, On Broadway, and even an occasional GBH or UK Subs booking at the Stone--made weekend conversions to "Punk Playground, USA." It was the best of times; it was the worst of times--despite relentless touring, most of these bands sold bupkus in the way of records, and few, save Metallica, ever held pen in shaky hand over a major-label contract. 

Billie Joe saunters into the Berkeley coffeehouse in rumpled jeans and a grease-spattered flannel shirt; his once-green-and-tufty tresses have grown out into Wally Cleaver waves and been dyed a Rod Stewarty blond. He looks like one of those feisty punks of yore; like he could hold his own through sheer physical endurance in the wildest of thrash pits. There's a new authority about him, the way he strides confidently to the counter, orders a pint-size glass of coffee, then swims through a sea of late-lunching yuppies to grab a table. The singer doesn't seem to notice them at all. Or maybe he's just too tired from nonstop touring to really give a shit. He smiles a goofy grin, revealing a set of generally crooked or chipped choppers, with an entire half of one front tooth missing. But there's such charisma behind it, the same kind of "Who, me?" innocence that little kids use. Billie Joe, you might say, has quickly become the Bart Simpson of the alternative set. 

How else could you explain his uncensored performance at a certain outdoor arena where--in a hyperspeed set lasting only 30 minutes before management threatened to pull the plug--he a) unzipped his fly and paraded his privates around for all to see; b) handed a stunned fan his beat-up, sticker-plastered guitar and urged him to play it; c) destroyed a $600 microphone by smashing it into the stage, then destroyed a second mike he was handed as well; and d) encouraged half the venue to chant, "Rock 'n' roll!" and the other half to respond with, "Shut the fuck up!" He then closed the show with a proposition--"They'll be really angry with us, but what we could do is rip out the seats!" he told the audience, which promptly gave Green Day a standing ovation. Billie Joe not only shrugs off such shenanigans as artistic license, he gets away with them! He's even encouraged to continue by fans who empathize with his uppity "fuck authority" attitude. 

But the facts were all on the table as Billie Joe sipped his house blend that afternoon, and it didn't take a fortune teller to read 'em. Green Day was hitting big time. Fast. And the sheer enormity of the undertaking, the weight of all its accordant responsibility, was just beginning to hit him. He looked older, wiser, and spoke in more grownup tones about his future, which then included a pending marriage to longtime girlfriend Adrienne. You could practically feel this new maturity encircling him like some protective aura. 

* * * 

=Where do all these punks on Telegraph come from? They can't all be local and homeless. 

I think Telegraph has just become this cultural mecca for punk rockers, because most of 'em who are on the Avenue aren't even from here. They're from Arizona, Minneapolis, New York, Florida. They just come out and end up squatting in houses in Berkeley. Why here? It's the climate, and the scene itself--Gilman Street and Maximum Rock 'n' Roll are in this area, and have a link to each other. But at the same time, it's separated, because there are so many different factions of punk now. There are the squatters, the pop-cores, the mods, the crusties. And all these types of people come out just to check it out. Plus, there's the best coffee in Berkeley, and a lot of 'em are real super coffee-drinkers, just pounding cup after cup all the time. It's pretty rare to come across a punk who doesn't drink coffee. I can't drink too much coffee myself--it gives me the shakes at night, so I just have a little bit during the day. Then I can smoke dope and go to bed. 

=What's the attraction in squatting or homelessness for these kids? 

For a lot of 'em, it's the first sense of freedom that they've had. It's like, "You mean I don't have to be home by midnight?" They've pretty much told their families and schools to go fuck themselves, so they go off and do their own thing. When I was 17, I did the same thing. And I had this total sense of freedom, where no one's telling you what to do, you don't have a clock to punch in on, you don't have people breathing down your neck; you don't have any deadlines to meet. You have this endless schedule where you can stay up all night drinking with your friends, or do anything you want. 

=But isn't "Coming Clean" about leaving behind your wilder ways? 

It's also about coming to grips with your sexuality. There's one line, "Skeletons come to life in my closet." And it's like, "Am I homosexual or heterosexual?" You go through this adolescent stage in your life where you don't really know what you are, and one side is taboo because your parents brought you up to think being gay was wrong. And if you come to grips with yourself, that you happen to be gay or bi or whatever, well, that was one thing about punk that was so accepting--all creeds were welcome, all sexualities, everything. 

=Was this something you went through personally? 

Yeah, to a certain extent. But I don't want to go around waving a gay flag or anything. 

=Well, you had a beautiful girl on your arm backstage at the last Green Day show. 

That's Adrienne. She's cool. Actually, we're engaged. That's why it took me so long getting here today--I had to get this! [Rolls sleeve up on tattooed arm, points to a bandaged-on cotton swab] Blood test, dude! We're getting married next week! 

=Has anybody tried to tell you you're too young for such a serious move? 

Of course. There are a lot of people who've said stuff. My parents have been a little more understanding than her parents. I just called my mom yesterday and said, "Mom, I'm gettin' married," and she said, "That's fine, son. Have fun!" I can hardly surprise my mother nowadays. But [this relationship] has been a recurring thing for the past four years, and we just decided to get serious about it. She's coming out here, and we're moving in together, so it's like, "Why not?" I don't really have any wild oats to sow, or anything like that. I'm not into the "Gettin' chicks all the time" thing.

 =I know a lot of girls who'll be really bummed that you're gittin' hitched. They all seem to have developed a crush on you... 

Me?! It must be the teeth [grins again].

 =OK, so maybe you didn't brush often enough when you were young. But you were busy developing a direction... 

I wouldn't necessarily say I had a direction or anything. I just knew I wanted to write songs. It comes from...uh...I don't know. I have no idea. It wasn't any kind of cosmic force or anything like that; it was just a matter of having a guitar around and wanting to play it all the time. I've had the same guitar since I was 11--I bought it off this guy at a guitar store. And I still play it--you know, the blue one with stickers all over it? That's my blue guitar, and, for some reason, things come to life, and everyone calls it "Blue" now--"Where's Blue? Can I pick up Blue and play it?" 

=And you let just anybody touch it? 

Oh yeah! Blue's not prejudiced. 

=It's interesting to note that the general public seems to think Dookie is your debut. 

Yeah, but that's just the general public. There are people who've been with us since the beginning, who know how long we've been around, since our first 7-inch came out back in '89. 

=And now you can afford to trash pricey microphones. 

Actually, Warner Brothers paid for those. It was pretty nice of 'em. They looked really nice--I remember looking at 'em and thinking, "Nice microphones!" They gave me one mike and I took it and threw it down, and they gave me another, and at the end of the set I creamed it pretty hard, I guess. We toured Europe with this band Die Toten Hosen--we played nine dates with 'em--and we got charged for a microphone every night. I dunno, for some reason we just started smashing shit. We'd start throwing equipment around at the end of each set, and these kids would start grabbing Tre's drum set and throwing it, and then they started smashing the microphones too. And the bouncers just couldn't do anything about it. 

=And you actually yanked your dick out onstage too? 

I did. Totally. It was the real thing. I dunno. The bands that we were playing with were just boring. It was more like making a mockery of the whole thing. The big arena rock thing is just so dated now, like Journey or Queen. Which is why I think punk rock started to begin with--it was this reaction to all the dinosaur bands. So for me, that show was, "How can we make a complete mockery of this but at the same time have fun with it?" I like to leave people guessing, "Did he hate that or did he like that?" It's not that I don't care--it's more that I'm careless. I try to be as happy-go-lucky as I can, but you can become apathetic at the same time. 

=Do you feel like Green Day is a part of, or represents, the so-called "slacker generation"? 

There's one side of me that doesn't mind it, because it's a generational thing, and another side of me that says, "Fuck that!" The reason I wrote the songs is, I ended up going back to Rodeo, where I'm from, for a week. And then I said, "Fuck it," and left. But I managed to get several good songs out of it. A lot of my friends had just turned into complete burnouts. And these are kids I've known since kindergarten, because it's a small town and you know everybody. And it was all fixing cars, staying up all night on methamphetamines, smoking dope, and finding out all these rumors about people I haven't heard of in 10 years. Like, "Oh, did you hear about so-and-so, who got married, had three kids, and ended up shooting everybody in his family?" And it happened! It was a true story! You're there for one week, and you get caught up in it. You get so bored, all you wanna do is watch television. And there are no record stores, nothing around, so you end up hanging out with all these delinquents who aren't punkers at all, just cultural idiots. So I was watching all these people rot and rotting with them until I realized, "Shit! I gotta get the fuck outta here!" 

=As they say, you can never go home again. 

Oh yeah, definitely. Unless you get pregnant, like my sister did. Then you have to go. But I quit school my senior year--I just wasn't getting anything out of it. I was taking nine periods a day, plus night classes, which left me no time to smoke dope whatsoever. And my mom even suggested I drop out, because she was a dropout, too. I come from a long line of dropouts. I still have nightmares about being late with my homework assignments. When I finally went in to sign out of high school, the teacher went, "Now, who are you again?" 

=And if that teacher could see you now! 

A lot of people think you get this big connection with a corporate label, and you make millions of dollars, but they don't understand that you just don't make that much money. And when you do, it's easy to piss it away. I mean, every cent that I've made, I've pissed away. I'm not gonna say how I did it, but I don't have it But I don't think you necessarily have to be a punk to decide to say, "Fuck it." You don't even have to have a direction. It's just a matter of getting the fuck out and exploring things for yourself. 

=But didn't you feel abject terror when you first set out on your own? 

Nah, I didn't. Because, for some reason, I knew things were gonna be all right. You can create your own future as long as karma's on your side. And I'm a strong believer in karma. I think things can come back to you if you're just willing to give. 

* * * 

True enough. At least six million times over!

1995 Tom Lanham

[thisbluespirit]

James Maxwell TV/Film List

More of a guide than a recs list, because old tv/film depends so much on availability.  It’s also hard as there’s nothing surviving that’s really like SotT for him (his voice is always slightly different, too & rarely the grand one from SotT) - I found it hard to find where to start back in the day, so I hope this makes it easier.  However, I have starred my favourites (rated for JM content only). 

I’ve divided things into categories and @jurijurijurious​ (or anyone) can make up their own mind as to what to go for.  (Also @jurijurijurious I have NO idea what old telly you’ve already seen, so forgive me if I’m telling you things you already know.)

Where to find it:  Luckily in the UK, it’s not too bad!  Network Distributing are the DVD supplier to keep an eye on (they do great online sales), you can find secondhand things cheap on Amazon Marketplace & eBay, and several Freeview channels show old TV & film, especially Talking Pictures.  I’ll note if things are on YT or Daily Motion, but they come and go all the time, so it’s always worth searching.

***

Film serials (ITC mainly)

British TV made on film in the US mode with transatlantic cash, so generally pretty light,  episodic (continuity is almost unheard of) etc.  Some turn up on ITV3 & 4 on a regular basis (colour eps). 

*** Dangerman “A Date With Doris” (ITC 1964)  James Maxwell is a British spy friend of Drake’s (Patrick MacGoohan) called Peter who gets framed for murder.  Drake goes to Fake Cuba to rescue him by which time JM is dying from an infected wound and faints off every available surface, including the roof.  It’s great.  On YT.  (The boxset is v pricey if you just want 2 eps.)

“Fair Exchange” (ITC 1964) JM is a German spy friend of Drake’s called Pieter who helps him out on a case.  Not as gloriously hurt/comfort-y as the other, but it does have some excellent undercover dusting. (Why  Patrick MacGoohan has JM clones all called variations on Peter dotted around the globeis a mystery.)  On YT.

The Saint “The Inescapable Word” (ITC 1965) This is pretty terrible, but  entertaining and James Maxwell plays the world’s most hopeless former-cop-turned-security guard. With bonus collapsing.  On YT.

“The Art Collectors” (1967).  JM is the villain of the week.  It does include a v funny bit, though, where the Saint (Roger Moore) goes for JM’s fake hair (and who can blame him?  How often I have felt the same!)  This one’s in colour so should pop up on ITV3 or 4. 

The Champions “The Silent Enemy” (ITC 1968).  Surprisingly good JM content as the villain of the week who drugs sailors and steals their clothes before realising that maybe he should have worked out if he could operate a sub before he stole it.

The Protectors “The Bridge” (ITC 1974, 30 mins.)  Not worth seeking out on its own, but ITV4 seems fond of it and James Maxwell gets to do some angsting and wears purple, so it’s worth snagging if you can, but too slight otherwise.

*** Thriller “Good Salary, Prospects, Free Coffin” (ITC 1975; 1hr 10mins, I think).  James Maxwell moves in with Julian Glover and runs an overcomplicated murdery spy ring where they bicker a lot in between killing girls by advertisement and burying them in the back garden.  What could possibly go wrong??  Anyway, it’s solid gold cheese, has bonus Julian Glover and a lot of natty knitwear.  What more does an old telly fan want?  (tw: Keith Barron being inexplicably the very meanest Thriller boyfriend.)  On YT but tends to get taken down fast.

***

Films

Design for Loving (1962; comedy).  Can be rented from the BFI online for £3.50.  Isn’t that great or that bad (or that funny either), but does have JM as a dim layabout beatnik, which is atypical.

***The Traitors (1962).  This is a low-key little 1hr long spy B-movie, but it’s also thoughtful and ambiguous with a nice 60s soundtrack and location work (it’s a bit New Wave-ish) and the central duo of JM and Patrick Allen are sweet and it all winds up with James Maxwell going in the swimming pool. One of the things where JM is actually American. (Talking Pictures show this occasionally & it is out on DVD as an extra on The Wind of Change.)  The quality of the surviving film is not great, though.

***Girl on Approval (1962).  A Rachel Roberts kitchen sink drama about a couple fostering a difficult teenager.  It’s dated, but it’s also really interesting for a 1950s/60s slice of life (and very female-centric) & probably the only time on this list JM played an ordinary person.

***Otley (1969).  Comedy that’s generally dated surprisingly well & is good fun, starring Tom Courtenay +cameos from what seems like the whole of British TV.  JM is an incompetent red herring & there are more cardies and glasses as well as a random barometer. 

Old Vic/Royal Exchange group productions

(Surviving works made by the group that JM was involved in from drama school to his death, made by Michael Elliott or Casper Wrede.  I like them a lot mostly, but they are all slow and weird and earnest & not everybody’s cup of tea.)

Brand (BBC 1959).  The BBC recording of the 59 Company’s (the name they were then using) landmark production, starring Patrick MacGoohan.  This was a big deal in British theatre & launched the careers of everybody involved.  It’s very relentless and weird but interesting & I’m glad they decided it was important enough to save.  First fake beard alert of this post.  It won’t be the last.  On YT & there is a DVD, which is sometimes affordable and sometimes £500, depending on the time of day.

***Private Potter (1962).  The original TV play is lost and this film has an extraneous storyline, but otherwise has most of the TV cast & gives a pretty good idea of why as a claustrophobic talky TV piece it made such an impact.  Tom Courtenay is Private Potter, a soldier who claims to have had a vision of God during a mission & James Maxwell his CO who needs to decide what to do about this strange excuse for disobeying orders.  Tw: fake eyebrows (!) and moustaches.  Only available on YT.

[???]One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch (1970).  Again, no DVD release (no idea why), but it is on YT.  I haven’t seen this yet, but it’s another Casper Wrede effort starring Tom Courtenay and apparently JM is especially good in it.  (I’m just not good at watching long things on YT and keep hoping for a DVD or TV showing.)

Ransom (1974).  A more commercial effort starring Sean Connery & Ian McShane; it gets slated as not being a good action movie, but is clearly meant to be more thinky and political with the edge of a thriller. JM’s part isn’t large but Casper Wrede shoots his friend beautifully, & it’s a pretty decent film with nice cinematography, shot in Norway, as was One Day.  I liked it.

[I think this post might be the longest in the world, whoops.  Sorry!]

Cardboard TV (the best bit, obv)

One-off plays etc./mini-series

Out of the Unknown “The Dead Planet” Adaptation of an Asimov short story; this is very good for JM, but hard to get hold of unless you want the boxset.  I think someone has some of the eps on Daily Motion.  (His other OotU ep is sadly burninated.)

The Portrait of a Lady (BBC 1968).  Adaptation of the novel; JM is Gilbert Osmond, so it is great for JM in quantity and his performance, but depends how you feel about him being skeevy in truly appalling facial hair.  Do the bow ties and hand-holding make up for it?  but he’s in 5 whole episodes, and Suzanne Neve, faced with Richard Chamberlain, Edward Fox, and Ed Bishop as suitors, chooses instead to marry the worst possible James Maxwell.  Relatable. XD

***Dracula (ITV 1968, part of Mystery & Imagination).  JM is Dr Seward, fainty snowflake of vampire hunters, who falls over, sobs and can’t cope for most of the 1 hr 20 mins.  More facial hair, but not as offensive as last time.  Suzanne Neve is back again, although now JM is nice, she’s married Corin Redgrave, who’s more into Denholm Elliott. Anyway, I love this so much because it turned out that I love Dracula as well as shaky old TV with people I like in getting to fight vampires and all be shippy.  Good news - TP keep showing M&I, the DVD is out, and there are two versions of it up on YT.

The Prison (Armchair Cinema 1974).  This is the one with Lincoln in it, but it’s not that great & JM isn’t in it that much, so depends how curious you are for the modern AU!  (But my Euston films allergy is worse than my ITC allergy, and I watched this when very unwell, so I may have been unfair.)

Crown Court “Fitton vs. Pusey” (1973) - part of the Crown Court series, set in a town full of clones who all keep returning to court.  JM is on trial for his behaviour in (the Korean war?  I forget?) although he ought to be on trial for his terrible moustache.  It’s not that great, but it is nice JM content.  He probably did it, but for reasons, and he wibbles & panics whenever his wife leaves the courtroom.  Also on YT.

*** Raffles “The Amateur Cracksman” (ITV 1975) - He is Inspector Mckenzie in the Raffles pilot & is a lot of fun.  At one point when there was a Raffles fandom someone in it claimed he was too gay for Raffles, which I’m still laughing about, because Raffles.  Anyway, watch out if you try to get the DVD because it is NOT included in S1, whatever lies Amazon tells. It is up somewhere online, though, I think.

Bognor “Unbecoming Habits” (1981).  Some down marks for possibly the worst 80s theme & incidiental music ever, but fun & has been shown on Talking Pictures lately.  JM is an Abbot running a honey-making friary that is actually a hotbed of spies, murder, gay sex and squash playing.  This is the point at which he chooses to strip off on screen for the first time, because strong squash-playing abbots do that kind of thing apparently.

Guest of the week in ongoing series/serials

Since even series with a lot of continuity tended to write episodes as self-contained plays (like SotT), these are usually accessible on their own.

Manhunt “Death Wish” (1970).  This is one of the most serialised shows here, but this episode is still fairly contained.  WWII drama about three Resistance agents on the run across France.  JM is... a Nazi agent & former academic trying to break an old friend (one of the series’ three leads, Peter Barkworth) with kindness, possibly??  (Manhunt is very angry and psychological & dark and obv. comes with major WWII warnings (& more if you want to try the whole thing), but it’s also v good.)  Up on YT, I think.

Doomwatch “The Iron Doctor” (BBC S2 1971).  “Doomwatch” is the nickname of a gov’t dept led by Dr Spencer Quist that investigates new scientific projects for abuse/corruption/things that might cause fish to make men infertile etc. etc.  JM is a surgeon who comes to their attention because he’s a bit too in love with his computer for the comfort of one of his more junior colleagues.  (I think it’s perfectly comprehensible & a nice guest turn, but it is hard to get hold of outside of the series DVD.  Which, being a cult TV person, I loved a lot anyway, but YMMV!)

***Hadleigh “The Caper” (S3 1973).  Hadleigh is a very middle of the road show, but watchable enough (lead is Gerald Harper, who’s always entertaining) and this is pretty self-contained as it centres around an old con-man friend (JM) of Hadleigh’s manservant causing trouble by pretending to be Gerald Harper, for reasons.  JM seems to be having a ball.

Justice 2 episodes, S3 1974.  He guests twice as an opposing barrister & gets to be part of some nice showdown court scenes.  Again, a middle of the road drama, but stars Margaret Lockwood, who was still just as awesome in the 1970s as she was in the 1930s & 40s.  On YT.

Father Brown “The Curse of the Golden Cross” (1974).  JM is an American archaeologist getting death threats; stars Kenneth More as Father Brown.  Just a note, though, that 1970s TV adaptations tended to be really really faithful and this is one of the stories where Chesterton comes out with an anti-semitic moment...  (JM was unconscious for that bit and, frankly, I envied him.)  But otherwise lots of angsting in yet another fake moustache about someone trying to kill him.

The Hanged Man “The Bridge Maker” (1975).  Confession time, I have v little idea what this one was about apart from Ray Smith being an unlikely Eastern European dictator, as this whole series went over my head and was not really my thing.  (Ask @mariocki they’re cleverer than me and liked it & can probably explain the plot!)  I don’t know if it’s available anywhere off the DVD but on a JM scale it was v good/different as he was a coldly villainous head of security & it wouldn’t be too bad to watch alone, but there was an overarching plot going on somewhere.

Doctor Who “Underworld” (1978).  This is famously one of the worst serials in the whole of classic Who, but largely because of behind-the-scenes circumstances, not the guest cast.  There is some nice stuff, though, esp in Ep1 (JM is a near-immortal alien who’d like to lay down and die but still the Quest is the Quest as they say... a lot) & it’s bound to pop up on YT or Daily Motion.  The DVD has extras that include v v brief bits of JM speaking in his actual real accent (which he otherwise does in NONE of these) & making jokes in character.  Honestly, though, this is the only DW where the behind-the-scenes doc is genuinely the most exciting bit as they desperately invented whole new technologies & methods of working to bring us this serial, and then everybody wished they hadn’t.

*** Enemy at the Door “Treason” (LWT 1978).  This is a weird episode but I love it lots - from a (v v good) series about the occupation of the Channel Islands.  (So obv warnings for WWII & Nazis.)  JM is a visiting German Generalmajor, but he’s come for a very unusual reason - to ask for help from his brother-in-law, a blackballed British army officer (Joss Ackland).  It’s all weird and low key and JM is doomed and nevertheless probably my favourite thing of his that isn’t SotT.

* The Racing Game 2 eps (1979).  Adaptation of Dick Francis’s first Sid Halley novel Odds Against (ep1) + 5 original stories for the series.  This is an interesting one - JM plays Sid’s father-in-law & they have a lovely relationship that’s central to the book BUT Dick Francis loved this adaptation and Mike Gwilym who played Sid and was inspired to write a sequel Whip Hand, which he tied in with TV canon - and adopted at least three of the cast, including JM.  Which means that all the Sid & Charles fanfic is also JM fic by default and it’s quite impressive. (There’s not much but it’s GOOD.)  On YT.

Bergerac “Treasure Hunt” (1981).  Not a major role, but pretty nice & it’s one a Christmas ep of the detective show (also set on the Channel Islands) that involved Liza Goddard’s cat burglar, which was always the best bit of Bergerac.

His guest spots in Rumpole of the Bailey (1991) “Rumpole a la Carte” and Dr Finlay (1994) are both really just cameos, but both series come round on Freeview; the Rumpole one is funny and the Dr Finlay one his last screen appearance before his death the following year.

Not worth getting just for JM: Subway in the Sky; Bill Brand and Oppenheimer.

These films only have cameos but some quite fun ones and they come around on terrestrial TV: The Damned (1962), The Evil of Frankenstein (1964) & (more briefly) Far From the Madding Crowd (1967).  (I think his cameo in Connecting Doors must be at least recognisable as someone spotted him in it just based off my gifs, but it’s not come my way yet.)  I’ve never been able to get hold of any of his radio performances, not even the 1990s one.

ETA: I forgot The Power Game! This is the one surviving series where he occurs as a semi-regular (at least until halfway through S1 when he went off to the BBC to be in the now-burninated Hunchback of Notre Dame).  This isn’t standalone, but it’s a good series and it is on YT.  See how you go with crackly old TV before you brave it but it’s the snarkiest thing ever made about people making concrete and stabbing each other in the back.  JM is a civil servant who tries to run the National Export Board and is plagued by Patrick Wymark and Clifford Evans as warring businessmen.

***

[... Well, now I just feel scary.  0_o  In my defence, I have been stuck home bored & ill for years, and often unable to watch modern TV while trying to cheer myself up with James Maxwell, so I didn’t watch all of this at once.  It just... happened eventually after SotT. /waves hand 

But if anyone feels the need to unfriend my quietly at this point, I understand. /o\]

[theradioghost]

hey, can i pester you for some podcast recs? something with a good dose of humour and not too many episodes to catch up on. a sprinkle of queer romance would be a nice bonus. my fave so far is tsco starship iris, and i also loved greater boston, wooden overcoats, the bright sessions and caravan. and thanks always for all your great recs! you’ve brought many hours of joy into my life :)

We Fix Space Junk -- Two intergalactic repairpeople -- a knowledgeable cyborg veteran and a former socialite on the run -- travel the universe meeting people and fixing things at the behest of the terrifying intergalactic corporation they’re trying to work off their debts to. Hilarious British sci-fi sitcom featuring Evil Space Capitalism, many many wonderful AI characters, and an absolutely delightful teenage space wasp-human-cow hybrid princess who is probably off accomplishing her grandiose special destiny somewhere offscreen while the main characters deal with things like their bosses possibly trying to kill them (again).

Death by Dying -- People have a tendency to die in odd ways in the small town of Crestfall, Idaho. Luckily the town also has an Obituary Writer, an eccentric and nameless but impeccably stylish fellow whose closest friend is the Angel of Death, and who has a knack for solving murders even though that’s definitely not his job description. Throw in walrus haikus, extremely rude ravens, Something Mysterious And Malevolent Lurking In The Dark Woods Outside Of Town, disappearing childhood homes, silent nuns, ghost bicycles, and three man-eating cats, and you get something like a delightful cross between Wooden Overcoats and Lemony Snicket. (Also, OW is peak Canonically Bisexual Dumbass.)

Less is Morgue -- Riley is a paranoid, reclusive teenager with a fondness for conspiracy theories who lives in their parents’ basement. They’re also a predatory ghoul who feeds on human flesh. Evelyn is a cheerful, outgoing young woman with questionable tastes in media. She’s also a ghost, ever since she was killed by a falling stage light at a Nickelback concert 16 years ago. And since Riley dug up and ate Evelyn’s corpse, they’re roommates! Will they ever manage to record a coherent episode of their podcast without something going ridiculously wrong and/or Riley eating one of the guests? Probably not!

Victoriocity -- The steampunk buddy-cop comedy-mystery thriller you never knew you needed but definitely do! Featuring Inspector Fleet, a grouchy, extremely driven policeman looking for the murderer of the Empire’s greatest inventor, and Clara Entwhistle, an even more driven and unfailingly upbeat rookie journalist who has just arrived in the island-spanning, bizarre cityscape of alt-history Even Greater London. Come for some of my favorite sarcastic British narration since Adams and Pratchett, stay for characters-are-begrudgingly-forced-to-work-together-until-they-come-to-genuinely-and-deeply-care-about-one-another-as-friends trope. (Also for Tom “Eric Chapman” Crowley as the aforementioned grumpy detective.)

Quid Pro Euro -- From one of the other leads of Wooden Overcoats, this doesn’t have a typical plot as such but has made me laugh so hard I pulled a muscle despite the fact that I know nothing about the EU. Which is what this near-surreal, Look Around You-style comedy is about: Felix Trench’s vision of a simultaneously hilarious and terrifying alternate European Union, seen from the perspective of a serious of educational tapes from the ‘90s predicting what the EU would look like in the 21st century. It’s hard to describe this show in any way that does it justice, but it’s incredibly funny.

Time:Bombs -- A miniseries by the exalted creators of Wolf 359, which (because they are madmen) was written, recorded, and produced in the space of one week. Also, a comedy about an NYC bomb retrieval squad on New Year’s Eve, most of whom are just trying to get through the night while their leader attempts to break a record for most bombs cleared before the calendar ticks over. Chaos and hilarity ensure.

Superstition -- Wisecracking, bi, Jewish, definitely-a-private-eye-just-don’t-check-her-qualifications Jacqueline St. James receives a message from her father, which is weird, because her parents disappeared years ago. Following the trail leads Jack to Superstition, Arizona, a town in the middle of the desert where everyone’s got secrets, assorted ghosts/monsters/cryptids harrass the locals, and the missing persons rate is the highest in the nation. As a protagonist Jack is Looking For Trouble And If She Cannot Find It She Will Create It, so while Superstition isn’t a comedy per se, it’s got a fair share of laughs and is also just so, so excellent in general.

Standard Docking Procedure -- A self-declared hopepunk scifi workplace comedy about the somewhat dysfunctional staff of Pseudopolis Station, effectively a high-tech interstellar truck stop. It’s funny and heartwarming, nothing truly bad happens, and Julia Schifini is there.

Solutions to Problems -- A morally-questionable human named Janet who has defintely never done any illegal time travel and an easygoing, physically indescribably alien who likes to go by Loaf host an intergalactic advice podcast. Are you tired of your species’ insistence on solving everything via ritual combat? Not sure how to talk to your partner about whether body-swapping has a place in your sex life? Dealing with being a superpowered teenager summoned into being by the collective will of an apocalyptic groupthink cult? Janet and Loaf have you covered! Provided that Janet’s on-and-off girlfriend, the AI who supplies the air they breathe, doesn’t kill them all first. Oddly heartfelt comedy in the form of a relationship advice radio show from the Space Future.

Middle:Below -- This show’s tagline is “Remember: bad things WILL happen,” and that is basically a lie. This is actually a short, incredibly heartwarming and frequently funny show about Taylor Quinn, the only human with the ability to pass between the land of the living (aka the Middle) and the land of ghosts (the Below). Meaning, of course, that the dead call on him to fix all their problems, with the help of a girl named Heather, a ghost named Gil, and a cat named Sans. (Also, some of the most comparatively wild live shows I’ve ever heard.)

Inn Between -- Ever wonder what fantasy characters get up to between adventures, during all that time they seem to spend at inns? This show skips all the adventuring, question, and action, instead focusing on the quiet moments between where what is Definitely Not A D&D Party meet and progress from bickering strangers brought together by circumstance to close-knit found family -- all at the inn, of course. (Lots of queer folks in here also, although there’s no romance at least in the first  couple seasons.)

The Godshead Incidental -- A relatively new but very exciting and so far really enjoyable show!! Following a young woman who writes an advice column through her life in a familiar, and yet strange city where anyone might be a minor god -- your editor, your landlord, that weird guy on the street who was shouting about how he’s the God of Memory and you got into a fight with him and now you keep forgetting everything? Also, your apartment is full of pigeons now because you found out the aforementioned landlord is secretly the god of doorknobs and he’s panicking. Good luck! (Starring Ishani Kanetkar, aka Arkady from Starship Iris!)

Gal Pals Present: Overkill -- Madison, a middle schooler at a Girl Scout camp, agrees to play a game with a somewhat tastelessly bright-pink Ouija board. However, Madison doesn’t know that she’s a natural medium, and now sarcastic mid-2000s 19-year-old Aya Velasquez has joined the many ghosts who are for some reason haunting scenic Harding Park. Aya, however, will not rest until she can solve her own murder (and possibly get to know that other ghost girl a bit better, who says romance has to stop when you’re dead?). Absolutely hilarious writing of a narrator who is almost definitely wearing spectral Uggs during the entire show.

Dark Ages -- The Rivercliffe Museum of Mostly Natural History is one of the finest museums anywhere! Or it would be, if anyone ever actually visited it. Or maybe if the staff weren’t a disastrous and dysfunctional collection of criminals, weirdos, wannabe immortals, idiot bisexuals who can’t just admit they like each other, and one extremely uptight elf with no people skills. Also, it would probably help if the legendary and fearsome Dark Lord, finally returned from his millennia of dormancy to complete his prophesied conquest of the world, wasn’t hanging around watching the chaos unfold because they’ve got his crown on display. (Fantasy workplace comedy with a theme song that did not need to go that hard?)

Brimstone Valley Mall -- It’s mid-December 1999, and at one mall in South Central Pennsylvania, a group of demons are going about their evil work -- namely, working at various dinky kiosks and restaurants, hoping of achieving every demon’s dream of getting to work at Hot Topic, trying not to do too much evil because Earth is way more fun than Hell and no one wants to get promoted back home, and preparing for their band's triumphant opening performance at the upcoming Y2K party. Just one problem: their lead singer is missing. Another absolute masterwork from The Whisperforge.

Arden -- 10 years ago, Hollywood starlet Julie Capsom vanished into the woods of northern California, leaving behind a car containing a human torso that may or may not have belonged to one Ralph Montgomery. Now, private eye Brenda Bentley and reporter Bea Casely, both of whom were among the first at the scene and both of whom have their own very strong opinions on the case, are setting out to solve the mystery on their true crime podcast, Arden. Providing, of course, they can stop arguing with each other long enough to solve it. (Or, a not-really-parody-but-definitely-comedy “true crime” podcast where the crime is a retelling of Romeo and Juliet -- and even knowing that, it’s still a genuine mystery with twists and a surprise ending! -- and the hosts are wlw Beatrice and Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing. In other words, it’s perfect. Season 2 is upcoming soon and is adapting Hamlet!!)

Alba Salix/The Axe and Crown -- Another high fantasy workplace sitcom, this one a medical comedy about the titular not-very-personable witch who runs the kingdom’s House of Healing and the various shenanigans she gets into, between her somewhat scatterbrained sister and brother-in-law the king and queen and her assistants, an overly-whimsical fairy and a wannabe monk forced to do community service. The same feed contains The Axe and Crown, a spinoff set in the same world that manages to simultaneously be a sitcom about the staff of a local pub trying to stave off foreclosure and come up with schemes to beat their business rivals, and a heartfelt story about gentrification and recovery starring a gay veteran with PTSD? Which is possibly one of my favorite podcasts? (Also contains one of the most unbelievable crossover cameos possible: Leon Stamatis.)

The Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root -- Also a high fantasy comedy! When a witch transforms heroic Sir Rodney into a small piece of wood, his closest companion Sir Gilbert must set out to cure him by collecting several highly powerful and dangerous relics, accompanied by a snarky dwarfen thief, an imperious princess, a slightly creepy human child raised by fairies, a picky elf sorcerer, a dead unicorn possessed by the ghost of a stoner, and a bard who breaks the fourth wall too much for his own good. So far as I can tell, nobody is straight.

The Amelia Project -- A dark comedy about a secret organization that helps people fake their deaths. Which is honestly a pretty full summary, barring the two important points that 1. this show contains possibly the most continuity-warping crossover event of all time (it’s the center point of this absolutely chaotic diagram), and 2. in one episode Felix Trench plays a character named Bartholomew Fuckface Chucklepants Knucklecracker.

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1316

Monday, March 8, 2021

 Coming up on a year since the pandemic started. I hope you're all healthy and safe. I am hopeful that vaccines will be deployed widely and help us all feel less anxious. I am fortunate enough to be one of those people who is happy as a bug snug in a rug while self isolating. I do really miss my dear friends and family but hugs can wait until we're all vaccinated.

 My thanks to Doug for lending me these comic books to read.

 Batman Annual #5 - James Tynion IV (writer) James Stokoe (art) Clayton Cowles (letters). It's the origin of Clownhunter and it's not very original. If I had to pay $4.99 US I would have passed on this and lived with leaving a hole in my Batman collection. If you're not familiar with this new vigilante, he's an Asian teenager named Bao who decides he's going to kill the Joker and all of the villain's sycophants. The reason he becomes Clownhunter (and killer) is very mundane. I wish they could have come up with a new motivator. Maybe the philosophical discussion about what to do about the Joker might interest some fans but I found this story quite tedious. I also didn't like the way Bao and his parents were portrayed. Did they really have an Asian saying "Ah, so"? Yes they did on page 8. Shades of Charlie Chan, Batman. I was not offended, just disappointed.

 Batman/Catwoman #3 - Tom King (writer) Clay Mann (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I was thrilled to see the town of Port Orange, Florida mentioned on the first page. My pal Al lives there. It's also where Selina finally catches up with the Joker and does what Batman never did. I love this Black Label book taking familiar characters and treating them in a new and interesting way. Here's a future where Selina has survived her husband Bruce's death and their daughter Helena is the new Batwoman. Now I wait to see how mother and daughter deal with the Angel of Death.

 And now, more Future State books.

 Future State: Robin Eternal #2 - Meghan Fitzmartin (writer) Eddy Barrows (pencils) Eber Ferreira (inks) Adriano Lucas (colours) Pat Brosseau (letters). The consequence of Tim Drake/Robin being dunked in Lazarus resin is that now he's immortal. Whoop-dee-doo. Not only is this a boring Robin beats up bad guys issue but the art lacked any logical perspective. This issue takes place on a train but you would think it's in a huge building based on the art. I know it's comic books but I hate when one doesn't make visual sense. I think that's just laziness.

 Future State: Kara Zor-El Superwoman #1 & #2 - Marguerite Bennett (writer) Marguerite Sauvage (art) Wes Abbott (letters). This 2-issue fairy tale was not meant for old farts like me and Doug. With it's soft pastel colours these books should have included glitter and bubblegum flavoured lip gloss. Maybe young tween girls will like this. The moral of this story is "no one is born wise".

 Future State: Dark Detective #3 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Dan Mora (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Aditya Bidikar (letters). There are not one but two Batmans in this issue. You've got Bruce in his new capeless costume but here he's wearing a trench coat to give that fluttering effect, and then there's the new guy in the Bat suit, cape and all. The "uh-oh" point of the story hits here when the bad guys discover where Bruce is hiding out. The Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Carmine Di Giandomenico (art) Antonio Fabela (colours) & AndWorld Design (letters) Grifter story concludes here too with a double cross and a whole lot more of Helena/Huntress. This is my favourite Future State book so far.

 Future State: Superman of Metropolis #1 & #2 - Sean Lewis (writer) John Timms (art) Gabe Eltaeb (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). If you're wondering how a grown up Jonathan Kent takes over for his dad as Metropolis's protector then these two $5.99 US books will satisfy your curiosity. The villain of the story is an evolved Brainiac who is a big multi-mouthed ball now. Metropolis is shrunk ala the bottle city of Kandor, the citizens go nuts but Jon returns things back to normal in the end with the help of Kara/Supergirl. I don't know why Kara's a girl in this story and a woman elsewhere. Each issue has two back-ups so you get your money's worth. One features Mister Miracle and the other the Guardian. They are both dealing with bad things inside the bottled Metropolis. You won't miss much if you don't read them. The Mister Miracle story "The Metropolis Menagerie" is done my Brandon Easton (writer) Valentine De Landro (art) Marissa Louise (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). The Guardian story is brought to you by Sean Lewis (writer) Cully Hamner & Michael Avon Oeming (art) Laura Martin (colours) AndWorld Design (letters). This one got me excited because a villain wants to throw Jimmy Olsen off of the Daily Planet building.

 Future State: Catwoman #2 - Ram V (writer) Otto Schmidt (art) Tom Napolitano (letters). Read this to find out if Catwoman saves the lives of the people on the train. You will also find out if Bruce is freed from the bad guys. Talia Al-Ghul appearing is the deus ex machina in this story. I like the new Cheshire and Onomatopoeia is always fun.

 Future State: Superman: Worlds of War #2 - Phillip Kennedy Johnson (writer) Mikel Janin (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) & Dave Sharpe (letters). In "The Many Deaths of Superman" the Man of Steel fights in the arena of Warworld where Mongul resurrects him after every death match. It's the typical brutal battle scenes and super villain gloating. What's more compelling is an old newspaper story that Clark Kent wrote that inspired a young woman who travels to Smallville. I was totally confused by the three back-up stories featuring Mister Miracle, Midnighter and the Black Racer because they were not very good. I am a completist and have to finish what I start. I could have stopped reading after the $3.99 US main story in this bloated $7.99 US comic book  but my obsessive compulsive nature wouldn't let me. It's a character flaw I wish I could change.

 Future State: The Next Batman #1 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). All the teasers for this book hyped the fact that this Batman is black. You won't get the secret identity in this first issue but there are a bunch of likely candidates. Lucas Fox is a possibility but it's confusing because he's a bad guy in another Future State book. This is another $7.99 US book with back-ups. These are more coherent than the ones in Future State: Superman: Worlds of War.

Future State: Outsiders by Brandon Thomas (writer) Sumit Kumar (pencils) Sumit Kumar & Raul Fernandez (inks) Jordie Bellaire (colours) & Steve Wands (letters) gathers together some old Batman associates helping Gotham City citizens escape persecution by the Magistrates outside Gotham City's borders. Get it? It was nice seeing Katana in action.

Future State: Arkham Knights by Paul Jenkins (writer) Jack Herbert (art) Gabe Eltaeb (colours) & Rob Leigh (letters) gathers together some of Batman's rogues gallery to fight the oppressive Magistrate. Two-Face, Mr. Zsasz, Dr. Phosphorus, Killer Croc and other ex-inmates of Arkham Asylum are being lead by an armoured Astrid Arkham. It's super villains being super heroes.

 Future State: The Next Batman #2 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (breakdowns) Laura Braga (art) Arif Prianto (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). We learn the secret identity of the new caped Batman in this issue. It's Lucas Fox's brother. He has a brother? This also has three new back-up stories.

"Batgirls" is by Vita Ayala (writer) Aneke (art) Trish Mulvihill (colours) & Becca Carey (letters). Batgirl/Orphan Cassandra Cain gets locked up in the Magistrate Detention Facility where both good guys/white hats and bad guys/black coats are incarcerated. She got caught on purpose because her mission is to find Oracle and Batman and free them. She gets help from Spoiler who is queen of the inmates. In this reality Cass is way more articulate than she used to be. I didn't like that. I also didn't like that in the other Future State stories the Magistrate foot soldiers have a shoot to kill order for any masks that they encounter. Why are all of these masks alive? Anyways, this part ends with the white hats and black coats forming an alliance so Cass can get on with her mission.

"Gotham City Sirens: Ladies' Night Out" is by Paula Sevenbergen (writer) Rob Haynes (breakdowns) Emanuela Lupacchino (pencils) Wade von Grawbadger (inks) John Kalisz (colours) Becca Carey (letters). Catwoman and Poison Ivy spring a domestic droid named Dee Dee (get it?) from servitude and they have a night on the town at a bar. The bar is run by Sam Bradley and both super heroes and villains can imbibe in peace. Fans of Sex and the City may like this. Not a lot of drama until the last page when the joint is raided by Magistrate goons and major characters are shot.

 Future State: The Next Batman #3 - John Ridley (writer) Nick Derington (breakdowns) Laura Braga (art) Arif Prianto (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). This is the "uh-oh" moment in the story where the hero is felled by the villain. A wounded Batman is attacked by the murderer he's trying to bring to justice. I saw that coming.

I like the change with Black Lightning in the Outsiders back-up.

I like the art in the Arkham Knights back-up even though the dialogue is eye roll inducing.

 Future State: The Next Batman #4 - Jace/Batman lives, as if that was in any doubt. This story would have been a lot more interesting if Bruce/Batman was really dead. Even if the Future State line of comics dies out this Next Batman is a cop out. The Batgirls story ends with Cassandra/Orphan saving Barbara/Oracle and the Resistance gaining ground on the Magistrates. The Gotham City Sirens story ends with Catwoman and Poison Ivy helping the Resistance get an advantage in their war with the Cybers thanks to Dee Dee.

 I admit that I was sucked in by the hype for this mini. The Next Batman being black intrigued me. The story itself was meh and I would not have missed anything by not reading it. I was not engaged as a mature reader but I think someone in their teens might like all the stories in these four issues.

[lassieposting]

Tell us about Lucifer’s depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and past abuse. I mean I can see the self harm, both the obvious In cutting off his wings and the like as well as the unhealthy self medicating, and the abuse - which honestly comes across as a murky gray area, like some verges on abuse but isn’t quite- but the other things... I need them pointed out to me.

GLADLY, ANON

okay so, to cover my ass: this is just my personal take as someone with trauma & suicidal ideation who self-harms. other people with different trauma and different relationships with self-harm/suicidal ideation might see this whole thing completely differently. This post could be triggering, please pay attention to the triggers in the tags. I am not a professional psychiatrist, and if you are struggling please seek professional help. 

i’m gonna break this down into sections bc, surprise surprise, it got rly long

THE ABUSE:

Now, you’re absolutely right that this is kind of a murky grey area, because at this point we really only have one side of the story: Lucifer’s. And obviously, he’s biased. 

the family dynamics:

But let’s take a look at the family dynamics we see in-show. We’ve only seen a fraction of Lucifer’s family, but it’s still fairly obvious that the ways they interact with one another are unhealthy and tend towards abusive, especially when aimed at Lucifer. 

We have Amenadiel, who: 

Is obedient to his Dad on an almost brainwashed level until he falls. 

Blames everything - including his own actions/failures (i.e. saying Malcolm killing humans is Lucifer’s fault, even though Amenadiel himself raised Malcolm from Hell) on Lucifer.

Does not know how to respond to affection or praise, even though he clearly appreciates and enjoys them (i.e. when Trixie hugs him and says she thinks he’s good). This is the son who’s in God’s good books. And he still clearly doesn’t receive affection or praise often. 

Openly competes with Lucifer for Dad’s attention/love, to the point of rubbing it in his face when he discovers he’s the favourite

Is complicit in Lucifer’s abuse - taking him back to Hell (thereby isolating him), threatening him when he doesn’t want to go, and cutting off any attempt Lucifer makes at reaching out to connect with humanity - for billions of years to try and win his Dad’s approval. 

Straight up tries to have Lucifer killed.

Says he’d love to go to war (with Lucifer, and presumably with Hell as a whole). 

We have Uriel, who:

Takes it upon himself to enforce what he believes is his Dad’s will; he had no instructions from God when he came to Earth. 

Delights in getting the opportunity to beat up Amenadiel, and gloats about it. 

Threatens - and harms - the first good thing Lucifer has had in his life in eons as a way of bullying him into doing what Uriel wants.

When Lucifer complies, Uriel decides to kill both Goddess and Chloe, purely out of spite because Lucifer was “being difficult”.

(There is an interesting meta here on Uriel’s potential motivations that I really like, but this is looking purely at his actions.)

And we have Goddess, their mother, easily the most manipulative and emotionally abusive of the lot. She:

Admits to destroying things God cared about - attacking humanity with plagues and floods etc - out of malice and to get his attention. 

Happily releases Azrael’s blade into human hands, hoping for widespread human deaths, to get her ex to get back in touch. 

Plays Lucifer and Amenadiel off against one another like a pro for her approval. 

Only ever touches her children when she’s trying to manipulate them - there’s a good meta on that here. The one exception to this that I personally believe to be a genuine attempt to comfort (both him and herself) is when she hugs Lucifer after he’s just killed Uriel. 

Doesn’t actually care about what Lucifer wants - he’s told her outright that Earth is the only place where he feels wanted and respected, and she knows he has a life he enjoys and a woman he’s falling in love with, but she expects him to abandon Earth and go back to the Silver City with her regardless - to the point that she actively tries to dismantle his human life and kill his loved ones to leave him with no ties to Earth. 

The picture this paints to me is of two incredibly narcissistic parents who see their children as extensions of themselves rather than as people in their own right. If you compare Lucifer - who’s an asshole, but fundamentally a good man - to his siblings here, you can see that the two who stayed in Heaven have caught fleas from their parents - and part of Amenadiel’s redemption arc is him realising how toxic and damaging his family is, giving himself a damn good flea bath, and doing his best to be a better big brother to Lucifer and a better son to his mom (and, later, a better father to Charlie than his Dad was to him). 

angel life cycle

So apparently in canon, angels were created as adults. My personal headcanon is fuck that, baby angels, but we’ll go with the canon explanation for this, because honestly it still lines up with my theory. 

Even if you’re “born” with a mature adult body and adult-level speech ability etc, you still won’t have an adult’s wealth of life experience, or maturity, or social skills. You’re still going to have to grow and learn and experience situations to learn how to cope with them. 

Now, Tom Ellis has said in the past that he plays Lucifer as essentially having the emotional maturity level of a teenager, which I think is honestly perfect. For an immortal being - or at least a being with a lifespan of many, many billions of years - it’s actually fairly believable that the angels are (depending on the age gap between them) either still in the “adolescent” life stage or emerging into the “young adult” one. 

Lucifer says that he’s spent “most of his life” in Hell. If he’s only a young adult now, at ~11 billion years old, that means he’d have been a juvenile (in terms of life experience/emotional development, even if he was “born” with a fully mature adult body) when he was sent to Hell, and the reason he was sent to Hell is because he wanted free will and started “acting out”. 

Even if your 12-year-old is the most unpleasant, rebellious little shithead on the planet, you don’t kick him out of the house and spent the next decade sabotaging every attempt he makes to connect with people or improve his life. Because, you know. That’s your kid. You signed up to have him, that’s normal shitty teenager behaviour, and the chances are he’ll improve with age. God and Goddess went scorched earth on Lucifer because he was behaving in a completely normal way for a kid beginning to mature into a grownup. 

lasting trauma

Lucifer’s parents’ treatment has left some crazy deep scars. 

He uses a neglectful broken home as an analogy for his celestial family. And he does so incredibly smoothly; this is clearly an analogy he’s thought about before. Chances are he’s seen this dynamic on TV and identified very strongly with it. 

He talks about his mother abandoning him as his “lowest point”.  Not his Fall. Not any of the horrific things he’s seen in Hell. The point where he realised his mom doesn’t love him enough to protect him. 

He doesn’t understand what he did wrong. God punished Lucifer harshly for wanting to control his own life, because narcs often see their children’s developing independence as a threat to their own control over their kids’ lives. Obviously He wouldn’t see it like that, but he’s clearly never explained to Lucifer why what he did was “wrong”. This family has a chronic communication problem. 

He’s paranoid as fuck. He constantly suspects God of having a hand in the events happening around him, and any time it seems He is involved, Lucifer immediately sees whatever’s happening as an attempted manipulation. It never occurs to him that creating Chloe - someone immune to his powers who can really love him without any kind of supernatural influence - could be an olive branch or an attempt to give him what he actually needs. He doesn’t believe his Dad would ever do something positive to/for him. 

He’s so badly traumatized by his childhood that he reacts like this to being called by the name his Dad gave him. And he’s clearly doing well in therapy - he might not know the word for it, but he knows he’s being (unintentionally) gaslit here. He doesn’t handle it well, but he doesn’t put up with it either, refuses to accept being told to see his Dad’s abuse as a sign of love. 

He believes he’s unloveable. When Linda gently suggests that maybe Chloe kissed him purely because she likes him, he tells her that’s impossible and reminds her his powers don’t work on Chloe. He doesn’t think there’s any way someone could love him for who he is, unless he’s either giving them something or using his mojo on them. And it’s his family that’s conditioned him to think that way - look at Amenadiel alone, how many times he tells Lucifer he’s evil throughout the show, as casually as if he were telling him that his hair is brown. This is just a fact of the universe in that family: water is wet, leaves are green, Lucifer is irredeemable garbage. 

He doesn’t for a second hesitate to believe that his Dad wanted to kill him. Or that he would kill him given the opportunity. He even thinks Chloe is his dad’s attempt to get him killed for a bit. 

THE SELF HARM

the wings: 

The blatantly obvious one - and the most deliberate - is when he cuts off his wings. Now when Lucifer talks about this, he frames it as him taking back agency over his own life, freeing himself from his Father’s control, and making a statement about his intention to stay on Earth. 

But when you look at him, he doesn’t look victorious, or like he’s looking forward to starting a new life. Physical pain aside - and an amateur amputation would be agonizing - he looks almost like he’s grieving, gritting his teeth through something he feels he has no choice but to do. 

Someone did a fantastic meta that I thought I’d reblogged at some point that says something like “this isn’t the devil in his moment of triumph against god; this is an abused boy mutilating himself to spite his father”. I wanted to link it, but I haven’t been able to find it again (if anyone finds it, please let me know so I can add a link).  

the self-medicating:

I don’t think he realises this is a form of self-harm, and I don’t think he does it to hurt himself deliberately. But he comes to Earth to overindulge in all the things he can’t have in Hell, all the things he’s been cut off from. 

Touch and affection, which he gets through sex. Oblivion, which he gets by drinking. Euphoria, which he gets from drugs. Socialisation, which he gets from being surrounded by people at all times and partying it up 24/7.

It doesn’t matter to him that the touch is from a stranger, it doesn’t matter that the affection only lasts one night, it’s something and that’s more than he’s getting in Hell. He buries himself in those things to forget that he has to go back. He can bury himself in the next line or the next shot or the next attractive body and, just for a little bit, he can forget who he is.

Sending Lucifer to Hell in and of itself is cruel. Angels are clearly social creatures, and he’s been in solitary isolation for billions of years - it’s a miracle he hasn’t gone insane. Yes, he has the demons, but they don’t interact with him by choice and he’s not safe with them. Hell denies Lucifer everything a young person needs to grow into a stable, healthy adult. 

the self-sabotage:

We also see that he’s got a tendency to sabotage himself when he’s on a downward spiral. This usually comes out one of two ways - either:  

He tries to chase away the people who care about him. This comes from being so terrified of being abandoned and rejected again that he’d rather run them off himself than wait for them to inevitably (in his mind) decide that he’s Not Worth It and leave him. For example: 

He tries to push Linda away when he’s grieving after killing Uriel. 

He punches Dan in the face and gets himself thrown off the case by Chloe - she’s already warned him she would bench him if he didn’t pull himself together. 

He throws Chloe’s initial rejection in her face when he’s on his self-hatred bender in S4. 

He’s absolutely vicious to Amenadiel in this scene, when Amenadiel is trying to communicate that he loves Luci and wants to support him. 

Or he talks shit about himself. You can always tell when he’s having a bad time; he’ll start coming out with shit like, “I’m the devil, remember, I’m evil.” His real view of himself will slip out from under the mask of confidence and vanity. Chloe cuts right to the heart of this in S4; he’s been told so many times that he’s responsible for all evil that he now believes it. He blames himself, even as he vehemently denies having ever made anyone do anything. 

THE SUICIDAL IDEATION:

Jesus fuck, it’s a good thing Lucifer is in therapy. 

The first time we see him actively attempt suicide is in 1x13 when he’s being framed for shooting the street preacher. It’s a case of “the straw that broke the camel’s back” here - he’s been having a really rough time lately:

Groups of zealots are cornering him in the street accusing him of murders he didn’t commit 

Being accused of things he didn’t do is already a trigger for him

His own brother tried to have him assassinated.

His bodyguard and oldest friend betrayed him.

He’s just found out the detective makes him vulnerable. 

He knows Dan - and therefore probably other work colleagues as well - think he’s got something to do with the satanic murders. 

And now Chloe is turning her gun - and apparently her back - on him. She’s no different from anyone else. He was stupid to ever trust her, etc, etc, and now he’s spiralling.

She was the last rock keeping his head above the ocean at this point, and when she goes to arrest him, he goes under. We see that mania come out very quickly; he starts laughing hysterically and tries to goad an inexperienced uni into shooting him. He pretends to have a gun, knowing the cop will fear for his life and instinctively shoot. Since Chloe’s right there at the time, and he now knows he can be hurt around her, that’s attempted suicide. He wants to die. He even admits to Amenadiel he was trying to achieve “a good death…or at least a nice and messy one.”

No one ever addresses this bloody hell why

And then there’s the case with the shooter in the hospital. Lucifer’s grieving Uriel at this point, and he’s up to his eyeballs in self-loathing. He killed his brother. He really is the monster everyone believes he is. He’s spent the entire episode up to this point trying to make people punish him. He’s riled up Chloe at a crime scene and she’s told him off. He’s punched Dan, and Dan didn’t retaliate. He turned down Linda’s offer of continued therapy in a way that’s almost a challenge; he wants her to snap back at him. And when none of these little punishments are enough for him, he escalates and escalates and eventually he steps in front of the sniper’s intended victim and, again, goads him to shoot. He goes a bit further this time, though; he outright begs the sniper to shoot him, and reams the guy out when he says he didn’t think Lucifer deserved it. 

Again, he knows Chloe is there. This is a suicide attempt. He even admits to Chloe that he didn’t care about the intended victim, he was just trying to get himself killed. She doesn’t believe him. And it’s never addressed again, and I’m salty. 

Anyway I hope this clarifies some stuff for you anon? and I’m sorry it took so long to finish I rewrote this so many times for Maximum Sensitivity and kept including stuff and taking stuff out and it got SO LONG and i had to condense it and i have A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THIS OKAY I HAD A LOT TO SAY

[mexcine]

2 Cinematic Stalkers: I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes (1948) and Feliz año, amor mío (1955)   I recently watched I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes (1948), and Feliz año, amor mío (Happy New Year, My Love, 1955).  Each of these films was based on a literary source: “I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes,” a novella by Cornell Woolrich (as William Irish), and “Letter from an Unknown Woman,” a story by Stefan Zweig which had been filmed at least 8 times before 1955, often without crediting Zweig.  Both films are woman-centric, and--more importantly for the purposes of this essay--both have a romantically-obsessed stalker as a major character.

     Popular culture, and notably Hollywood cinema, generally reflects the society in which it was created, and thus the depiction of stalkers has evolved over the years.  In the last few decades, such individuals are often vengeful “exes” (Fatal Attraction, for instance) or obsessed fans (The Fan, 1981 and 1996—different plots but a similar premise). However, this has not always been the case—what pop culture cinema of the past often portrays as “cute” or “persistent” behaviour (e.g., a young man “won’t take no for an answer” until finally the object of his affections realises she loves him) can often—viewed through 21st-century sensibilities—appear inappropriate.

     In I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes, the male “stalker” is eventually exposed as a murderer, but prior to this reveal, he’s chiefly depicted as a lonely and opportunistic middle-aged man who has a crush on a younger (and married) woman.  Not appropriate, even for 1948, but not necessarily evil.  The protagonist of Feliz año, amor mío, on the other hand, is a teenager who--as the film opens--is romantically obsessed with an older man and devotes her entire life to this crush. In the context of this film, her obsession is depicted as “romantic” and—while not normal—not necessarily wrong.  Consequently, while both films contain a stalker character, they are portrayed quite differently; however, 21st-century viewers might not necessarily agree with the viewpoints expressed by the filmmakers.

     I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes has a film noir-ish premise—innocent man condemned to death for a crime he didn’t commit; Ann could also be considered a sort of inadvertent noir femme fatale, inasmuch as she’s indirectly responsible for Tom’s conviction--but is short on the type of moody visuals one has come to expect from this film style. 

     The film is told in flashback as Tom sits on Death Row awaiting execution…Dance team Tom and Ann have fallen on hard times; they dream of moving to the West Coast where they’re sure their luck will change, but at the moment Ann supports them by working in a “dance school” (which appears to be one step removed from a dime-a-dance operation) and Tom pounds the pavement hoping to get a booking.  One evening Tom tosses his dance shoes out the window at a noisy cat, then goes out to retrieve them but they’re gone; the next morning, the shoes are outside their apartment door.  This seems suspicious to me, but Tom and Ann shrug it off.  

     A short time later, Tom finds a wallet stuffed with $2000 cash while waiting for Ann to leave the dance school.  Tom intends to turn it in to the police but Ann convinces him to hold on to it and see if the owner advertises in the newspaper for its return.  Tom reluctantly goes along, and after a few days they decide to spend some of the cash.  Little do they know that one of their neighbours, a noted miser, has been murdered and his reputed stash of savings is gone.  The police discover a footprint near the man’s home, and the distinctive shoe is traced to Tom, who is arrested, convicted of murder, and sentenced to die.  As the date of Tom’s execution draws near, Ann offers herself to Inspector Clint Judd if he can save her husband’s life.  Judd arrests a suspect but the man has an alibi.  On the night of the execution, Ann tricks Judd into confessing that he committed the murder and framed Tom, so that he (Judd) could get Ann on the rebound.  Judd is shot by the police and Tom is freed.

     Early in the film, Ann tells her husband that one of her students regularly gives her a cash tip after each lesson; she mockingly refers to him as “Santa Claus,” and appears to have not given him much thought, other than as a something of a sucker. As it turns out, Judd is “Santa Claus,” and he’s also the detective who discovered the incriminating footprint.  After Tom is arrested, Judd confronts Ann:

Judd: “Why didn’t you tell me you were married?” Ann: “You didn’t ask.” Judd: “As long as the $5 bills held out, you weren’t volunteering any information.” Ann: “I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t take you that seriously.” Judd: “It mattered to me.”

     This is an interesting exchange—Judd’s first comment suggests he was originally unaware Ann was married (when he was her dancing “student”) but clearly at some later point he later found this out and began his scheme to frame Tom and win Ann for himself.  At the film’s conclusion, he tells Ann he’s purchased a luxurious apartment for her, and Ann (having picked up on a clue that points to Judd’s guilt) agrees to go there with him.

     Judd says he’s “been working on this place for months,” and the apartment is furnished to her specific tastes, because “I know all about you.”  He says “On my vacation I went back to Ohio, to your home town. I saw the house you lived in, the school you went to…I even saw the scrapbook you’d gotten together when you were 10…I even talked to people who knew you…I didn’t want there to be anything about you that I didn’t know.  I loved you before you ever saw me.  I used to go up to that dancing school at night because I was lonesome—then one night I saw you. I knew right away, but I watched you a long time…it took all the nerve I had to ask you to dance the first time.  You didn’t even notice, but always the next day I could still smell your perfume…and I made plans, for us. And they’ve come true.”

       Ann accuses Judd of being the murderer: “The only reason I kissed you was because I was desperate for any help I could get, and the only reason you agreed to help was because you thought you’d have me….you killed him, didn’t you? Why don’t you admit it?!”

       Judd: “What does all that matter now? He [the murder victim] was no use to anybody.  I wanted you to have everything in the world, don’t you understand?  What difference does that make now? I love you.”  At this point the police, having heard everything, enter from another room; Judd pulls a pistol and is shot to death.

      Regis Toomey’s final scene as Judd is played out in an interesting fashion. Reading the quotes above, one might reasonably assume they’d be delivered in a manic, even evil manner, but Toomey delivers Judd’s lines sincerely, smiling fondly at times, proud to reveal his stalking of Ann (decades before Google & Facebook!) so that he’d know everything about her.  At no point does he raise his voice or appear irrational or violent (he pulls his pistol but this seems to be a case of “suicide by cop”—there’s no indication he’s threatening Ann or attempting to escape). The closest he gets to anger is when Ann bitterly assails him for robbing and killing someone, then framing her husband for murder—he seems slightly annoyed that she doesn’t understand why he did what he did: “I love you.”  

      Judd’s actions are right from the stalker textbook: fall in love with a stranger; assume you are their perfect match and that you (and only you) can make them happy; research their life, likes and dislikes; try to win them over with gifts; if that doesn’t work, try to impress them by being “a hero”; exert control over them, using your specialised knowledge; if confronted, justify your actions by asserting everything you did was for “love.”

      And yet, somehow Judd doesn’t come off as a wholly sinister character.  This might be partly attributed to differing perceptions in 1948 and 2021; perhaps audiences in 1948 did find Judd far more unsympathetic than we do today.  We have the benefit of comparing him with various over-the-top psychos we’ve seen in more recent films, and he doesn’t seem quite so bad.  Also, Ann is not an entirely admirable character.  She loves Tom and is emotionally affected by his arrest, but as noted above, in several ways she contributed to this situation.  It’s not her fault that Judd falls in love with her and frames Tom, but the script makes it clear that she did not overtly reject Judd’s attentions: her claim that his repeat visits and cash tips “didn’t matter” to her rings true, but it also makes her seem as if she doesn’t care about anyone except herself and Tom.  By not discouraging Judd (or at least pointing out that she’s married), Ann indirectly encourages him, apparently for the sake of the money.  Similarly, Ann is the one who convinces Tom to not do the right thing and turn in the wallet and cash to the police.  This is a crucial piece of evidence that leads to Tom’s conviction, and while one assumes Judd would have somehow ensured the same result even if Tom had turned in the cash (which only represents part of the stolen money), it’s not entirely a given.  Neither of these are deliberately wrong, amoral actions on Ann’s part, and she shouldn’t be blamed for Judd’s obsession, but the film makes a point of showing Ann is not a perfect person and this slightly mitigates Judd’s guilt.  

     Feliz año, amor mío flips the gender of the stalker, from middle-aged police detective to young woman.  María is a teenager who has a crush on celebrity violinist Ricardo, constantly listening to his recordings, reading about him, and drawing his portrait in her art class.  She’s delighted when Ricardo rents a neighbouring house, sneaking in with the moving men to admire the furnishings. Caught by Ricardo’s major-domo Pedro, she leaves, self-consciously retrieving a drawing of Ricardo she’d left on the mantel.  Later, María spies on Ricardo as he practices, and there’s a running gag in which she turns on a light outside of his front door so she can watch him as he arrives, only to have the Pedro turn it off again.  María is sad when her widowed mother remarries and the family relocates to Pátzcuaro, a town about 350 miles away from the capital.

     Several years later, María moves back to Mexico City to attend art school, and resumes her stalking of Ricardo.  He spots her leaving the courtyard outside his home one New Year’s Eve, and introduces himself to her; they visit a nightclub, then return to his home where they sleep together.  María leaves while Ricardo is asleep, but returns later in the day...only to discover he’s taken an emergency job overseas; she reaches the airport too late to talk to him.  In true melodrama fashion, María is now pregnant and gives birth to Ricardo’s son—she refuses to convey the news in a letter, deciding to wait until Ricardo returns to Mexico…which takes several years.  She then confronts Ricardo after a concert but he doesn’t recognise her, she learns he’s engaged to someone else, and she says nothing about their son.  

     More time passes (probably at least a decade).  María anonymously sends Ricardo red roses every New Year’s.  María plans to respond to her boyfriend’s proposal of marriage on New Year’s Eve, but spots Ricardo in a nightclub and goes home with him instead.  She still doesn’t identify herself, and shortly after their (second) one-night stand is diagnosed with a fatal illness.  Before she dies, María writes Ricardo a long letter—this rekindles Ricardo’s will to live, since he discovers he has a son.  

      Feliz año, amor mío is told from María’s point of view—most of the film is a flashback, representing her letter to Ricardo.  Although María at one point fantasizes about what married life to Ricardo would be like (pretty great, she thinks), she apparently has no regrets about her missed opportunities: she has a son (suffering no social stigma because she’s an unwed mother), becomes successful in business, and dies happy—in the presence of her mother, stepfather, and longtime servant/friend--knowing Ricardo and his son will always remember her.  Ricardo, on the other hand, clearly suffered because he didn’t marry María—he’s ill, unable to work, and has no romance in his life (his first wife and child died, and his second wife doesn’t love him or even live with him). That’ll serve him right for...leaving the country the next day and staying away for several years? Marrying someone else?  Not recognising María after spending one evening with her years earlier?  He’s considering suicide when the film opens, but María’s letter saves him.

       Despite the fact that María is the protagonist of the film and her suffering and self-denial is portrayed as noble, her actions do meet many of the stalker criteria.  She’s obsessed with someone she doesn’t know; she sneaks into his house; she spies on him; she sends him flowers anonymously; she’s jealous of the other women in his life; she dreams of being his wife.  But when she has the chance to forge a real bond (other than two one-night stands more than a decade apart), María backs off, “honourably” choosing to remain unknown and depriving Ricardo of his company of his son until she’s dead.  Her reasons for this are not clear, but the film doesn’t examine them or challenge their righteousness in any way.  Her love is pure and noble, don’t you dare criticise it.

      In addition to María denying herself and Ricardo the chance for a life together, she also prevents her son from knowing his own father for the first 10+ years of his life (Ricardito is probably at least 15 years old when María dies).  Additionally María’s treatment of her suitor Manuel is extremely cruel.  Manuel is a nice guy, gets along with Ricardito, and María coyly indicates she’ll accept his marriage proposal “at the stroke of midnight” on New Year’s Eve.  However, when FATE places María in the same crowded nightclub as Ricardo, all it takes is an exchange of glances and a brief note from Ricardo (who, remember, has no idea who María is—she’s just a random pickup, unless he perhaps subconsciously recognises her from their brief meetings, years apart, more than a decade previously) and--BOOM--María leaves Manuel stranded without a word of explanation (he’s never seen or mentioned again—if there were any repercussions, the viewer never learns about them).  

      Although María’s actions are at times stalker-like, her character does deviate from the standard image of a stalker in an important way: although she does fantasize about marriage to Ricardo in one scene, she not only never takes steps to achieve this, but (as noted above) actively backs away from taking any steps to convert her fantasy to reality.  Most cinematic stalkers—including Judd in I Wouldn’t Be in Your Shoes—would stop at nothing to make their dream come true, convinced that Fate has meant for them to be together with the one they love, and that they are the only ones who could make the object of their crush happy.  María shows a bit of this magical thinking early in the film: after observing Ricardo bring a woman home and seeing them embrace in silhouette, María is angry and jealous, but subsequently rationalises to herself that these “romances” mean nothing to Ricardo, and only she could be his true love. 

       Feliz año, amor mío—and the earlier Hollywood version, Letter from an Unknown Woman, 1948, which has the same basic plot but is considerably different in the details—are both romantic melodramas about a woman obsessed with a man, as opposed to thrillers with the same basic premise, such as Leave Her to Heaven and Fatal Attraction.  While the female protagonists of these films take similar actions—up to a point—the adaptations of Zweig’s novella are told from the woman’s viewpoint (although written and directed by men) and appeal to a female audience, whereas obsessed-woman thrillers portray the leading female character as a threat to the male protagonist.

     Are “sympathetic stalkers” extinct in popular culture today?  One would think so; perhaps not all obsessed men and women on screen are portrayed as evil, dangerous and unbalanced--there might be some that are played for comedy--but too many real-life tragedies have probably tainted this type of character beyond redemption.

[be-compromised]

Recathon 2020 Masterlist

Hello and welcome to the Recathon 2020 masterlist! This masterlist will be comprised of all recs posted to this post (all 144 of them!), with some small edits. Those edits are: (1) Duplicate recs have been discarded. Fics appear under the first theme they were rec'd under. (2) "Self rec" and "rec one of your own fics you think didn't get enough love" have been combined. Unless otherwise specified, all recs are Clint/Nat or Clint & Nat. Also, unless otherwise specified all recs are fanfiction. On to the rec list!

Stories set in/focused on/including IKEA. Some Assembly Required by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings: "They say that when you go to the seven circles of Hell, IKEA has taken over the suburbs and parts of the ring road.” Natasha and Clint enter an alien universe. Anything is Possible by @cassiesinsanity Gen, no warnings: It's 3 a.m. and Natasha is struggling to assemble an IKEA bed. Clint is woken up by her loud cursing and now they're in it together, both figuratively AND literally. #27 IKEA by @nympheline Teen, post-Avengers, angst: Clint and Natasha will never have normal lives. They have accepted this as fact. Once a month, they pretend by putting on some old rings and going to Ikea to pick out furniture. Or to Home Depot to look at paint samples. Or to Walmart to check out baby clothes. Because they will never have normal lives, but it’s nice to pretend. Things We Learn About Each Other at Ikea by Vera (Vera_DragonMuse) Chapter 7 of Drips and Drabs from Alliterative Domiciles, part of the Alliterative Domiciles series Teen, no warnings: Natasha and Clint in Ikea. Consumer Affairs by @galwednesday Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: “Tom,” Sara, the Senior Marketing Associate, said levelly, “if you don’t let me promote our bedroom product line using the Winter Soldier’s tweet reviews, I will quit. I will quit today. I will leave you high and dry with a junior marketing associate and an intern, Tom. The intern just started last week. He doesn’t even know how to work the copier yet.” Comedy! Frank & Matt: A Summary by Ariel Video. Matt Murdoch and Frank Castle. captain america | crack!vid 2 and captain america | crack!vid 3 by chrissy mae Video. Exactly what it says on the tin. Cursed Fork by canistakahari Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There is a cursed fork in Steve’s cutlery drawer. Life of Crime by neveralarch Clint/Carol, Clint/Nat/Bucky, Kate/America, explicit, cntw: A supervillain AU where Clint shoots arrows at people and gets beat up a lot. So, not really that much of an AU. It's Raining Men by DailyAsgardianNews Video. Again, exactly what it says on the tin. xD Here Are All the Sensations of Being Alive by prettyasadiagram Gen, cntw: Contrary to what Clint likes to tell the new SHIELD agents, Natasha does have hobbies other than coming up with new and impressive ways to kill people with her thighs, even though the slight flinches and rabbit-quick swallows in the hallway are always hilarious. Natasha and a bedazzler. The Amazing Naked Avengers by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: There were Avenger-sized mouse traps all over the damn bunker. All about as effective. Meaning no one got killed, but everyone is naked and bleeding a little. The Great Avengers Body Swap by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: Loki and the Avengers spend a month in SHIELD's detention cells, because Loki cast a bodyswapping spell against them and got himself with it, too. The Importance Of Being Spidey by @copperbadge and @scifigrl47 Gen, no warnings: The Daily Bugle has some peculiar ideas about Clint Barton and a spandex bodysuit. Extracurricular Activities by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: New York has a party for any taste. Some people like high class lounges. Some enjoy a good dive bar. There are gay bars and techno clubs and all night raves. And somewhere out there, there's a club where the dancers are dressed like Super Heroes, and Spider-Man may or may not be their headliner. Let's face it, the everyone assumed that Clint would be the first Avenger to take up pole dancing. He's a little distressed he's been beaten to the punch. Phil Coulson Knows Tony Stark's Super Villain Name by @scifigrl47 Gen with background pairings, teen, no warnings: Look, I’m just going to say SHIELD team building exercise with paintballs. Transfer Students by @copperbadge Gen, teen, no warnings: Five times the Avengers pawned kids off on the Jean Grey School. The Immortal Hawkeye by @copperbadge Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint's a little older than he looks, and his DNA has a few surprises in store, too. Leader Of The Free World by @copperbadge Gen with Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's presidential campaign started as a joke. It didn't end that way, except for Steve. 5 Times Steve Got Arrested and 1 Time They All Did by @heartsdesire456 Steve/Bucky, Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: What it says, 5 times Steve Rogers ended up in jail (with and without Bucky) + 1 time all of the Avengers got arrested with him. Cap3 helicopter scene but with My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion by @darlingpeggys Video, uploaded to YouTube by punkrockchewbacca Clint/Other and Nat/Other recs Prince Charming by @brendaonao3 Steve/Bucky, Steve/Thor, Clint/Wanda, explicit, no warnings: Bucky's not looking for a girl, he doesn't need anyone for the long haul. Then he meets Steve Rogers and discovers that what he's looking for in a relationship isn't a girl at all. in deep with you by @topaz119 Clint/Darcy, mature, no warnings: Darcy could have, under normal circumstances, resisted the aesthetics (however awesome they are, and holy crap are they awesome), but there's an itch under her skin—apparently, nearly dying by giant, fire-breathing robots from space in the middle of Nowhere, New Mexico will start you questioning your life choices. Who knew? assume a defensive stance by hoosierbitch. Clint/Bruce, teen, no warnings: No one can understand why Bruce and Clint are together. Clint's loud, brash, irritating--exactly what Bruce doesn't need in his life. fast, thorough, sharp as a tack by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Maria, teen, no warnings: Natasha likes getting a rise out of Hill when nobody else can. longing for the last time by @quidnunc-life Natasha/Valkyrie, teen, no warnings: After they imprisoned Hela, after all her sisters fell to inglorious deaths, the last Valkyrie swore she would not love again. In Your Likeness by hailtherandom Clint/Natasha/Sam, explicit, no warnings, post-WS: In which Sam gets a mysterious package from a mysterious person and, after a spell of feelings and a trip to Switzerland, both of those mysterious things get used quite a bit, much to everyone's delight. Two (Sort Of) Truths and One Complete Lie by igrockspock Clint/Melinda May, teen, no warnings: Melinda May was married once. Good luck finding out to whom. Fic with low kudos/comments Smoke on the Horizon by AuroraShard Teen, major character death, post-IW: Clint falls back on old coping mechanisms after the events of Endgame. Pepper joins him. A short fic about dealing with grief. We Are Family by SneakyHufflepuff. Mature, cntw: Natasha had sister-relationships with some of the other girls in the Red Room, and Nat was hardly the only one to escape. Turns out Clint's going to have to meet the family after all. Self-recs/a story of yours that you wish got more attention the shorter story by @cloud--atlas Mature, cntw: "be careful what you wish for" is written in matter-of-fact writing on the little sign by the entrance. he only wishes to be dry, and idly he wonders if there is any way even that can go wrong. Portrait of an Outlaw by RedBirdBella Teen, cntw: Clint is an undercover police officer working to convict a gang of cat-burglars. After being unearthed he’s beaten up and left for dead in an alley. From his hospital bed, he’s asked to work with a sketch artist to put together portraits for each gang member. Unfortunately, he can only remember one. Diamonds and Rust by @alphaflyer Clint & Kate, gen, no warnings: Kate is back; there's going to be laundry. Driver Choses The Music by inkvoices Teen, mild self-harm: Clint shoves his bag in the trunk of the car – a standard, bland SHIELD undercover ride – and doesn’t ask how Nat acquired the keys. Doesn’t ask how, or even if, she’s gotten permission to take him off base, doesn’t ask what’s in the bag she shoved in his arms on their way out, doesn’t ask what they’re doing in a SHIELD garage at ass o’clock in the morning. Doesn’t care. Some Strings Attached by @topaz119 Explicit, no warnings: "You," Natasha says slowly, "thought we should do something for Valentine's Day?" Five Unrelated Rescues and One Reunion by @crazy4orcas Teen, cntw: Rescue: to free or deliver from confinement, violence, danger, or evil. Reunion: an instance of two or more people coming together again after a period of separation. Show a Little Faith (There's Magic in the Night) by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Dust Bowl AU: Riding the rails in the last bitter winter of the dust bowl years, two drifters encounter something they haven't seen before. Personal comfort fics Woman in the Crosshairs by @freaoscanlin Teen, no warnings: In which Clint has a new hobby and Natasha isn't curious, until she is. Black Widow and Hawkeye, their partnership—and what it means—throughout the years. The Only John Wayne Left in this Town by @gyzym Clint/Darcy, teen, no warnings: Clint's got a secret love, and it's spelled b-a-n-j-o. and at night be warm by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: If Kate would've just talked to him about the Dog Cops finale, then Clint wouldn't be lying in bed, staring pointlessly at the ceiling, when the Insomniacs Anonymous radio show comes on at 1 AM and changes his life three minutes at a time. The First Annual Avengers Convention by starandrea Clint/Phil, teen, no warnings: With damage estimates topping $100 billion, New York City faces a long and expensive road back. Charity organizations have stepped in to support the Red Cross and provide long-term relief, but the economy is struggling and money has to come from somewhere. Everyone wants a piece of the Avengers. Who better to help fundraise than the heroes themselves? Amateur Theatrics by galaxysoup Gen, teen, no warnings: In which Thor’s primary problem-solving method (a mighty blow from Mjolnir) fails to have the desired effect on a magical artefact, and his secondary method (a mightier blow from Mjolnir) proves to be actively disastrous. The Observable Universe by Serea Okelani (sarea) Teen, no warnings, Jane POV: Jane has a low tolerance for stupidity. Clint and Natasha take exception to being called stupid. Catching Bullets in our Teeth by anothercover Clint/Laura, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, slow burn divorce AU: Retirement, it turns out, is not a thing that Clint is adjusting to very well. Or, you know, at all. It didn't occur to him that when he dropped the team, it would mean he'd lose Natasha, too. Under the Mountain by flawedamythyst Clint/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Clint and Bucky get trapped in a cave. Natasha and Kate Bishop friendship fics All Night, All Right by MoreThanSlightly (cadignan) Kate/America, Clint/Nat, teen, no warnings: Despite being young and rich and hot and awesome, Olympic gold medalist archer Kate Bishop finds herself in a bar acting like the world’s saddest, dullest cliché: Area Twentysomething Drinks Alone Because Her Ex Is Getting Married Next Weekend. But then, from across the room, she catches the eye of a girl with a wicked smile and an even better right hook. Things start to look up after that. High School/Uni AUs A Whole Month of Detention by @marvelousmsmarvel Teen, no warnings: The first detention was his fault. The second detention was his fault. Not surprisingly the whole month of detentions to follow were his fault too, but Natasha had to admit, marking her flawless record with a whole month of detentions was the best thing she'd ever done. Just A Little Bit True by @lissadiane Clint/Bucky, gen, cntw: Clint is good at cheerleading and bad at flirting and has been pining for Steve Rogers broody best friend for years. Naked Pantomime in the Dark by @intosnarkness Steve/Tony, Thor/Jane, Clint/Natasha, teen, cntw, Modern High School Theatre AU: Clint Barton has been at Carver High for six weeks when they draft him into the theatre department, and his life is never the same. Two for the Show by mousie-tongue Mature, cntw: After her uncle is taken, young Natasha Romanov ends up in state's custody at a group home. She can tough it out alone... but somehow fellow resident Clint Barton becomes the reason she doesn't have to. Wet Hot Avengers Summer by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Clint/Nat, Tony/Pepper, Thor/Jane, teen, cntw: At summer camp, Clint’s met the girl of his dreams. Then he meets her four brothers. Circus or carnivale AUs On the Nature of Dust by inkvoices Mature, no warnings, 1930s dust bowl AU: For as long as he can remember Clint has always been getting into trouble for seeing things that he shouldn’t, or rather for getting caught at it. Oklahoma, 1934, and this time trouble comes in the form of a girl. No Magic Would Save Me by arsenicarcher (Arsenic) Gen, mature, cntw: Once upon a time, an angel with the unlikely name of Pepper came to the circus, and took Clint away. some moments more spectacular than others by @quidnunc-life Mature, no warnings: When Janet suggests a team bonding event, Natasha thinks she means… an art gallery, a movie, even bowling. Something like that. Not the circus. Not clowns. Not falling head over heels for a professional circus archer with an affinity for purple, slushies, and purple slushies. Cover Another Black Eye by @lostemotion Clint/Nat, Clint/Bobbi, teen, some child abuse: History will dub it the summer of love. Natasha neither knows nor cares about love, never has, expects she never will, but history's got one thing right: it's the summer when everything changes. Natasha and the Amazing Hawkeye(s) by @freaoscanlin Gen, teen, no warnings: It starts because somebody orders a hit on the Amazing Hawkeye. No, not that Amazing Hawkeye. The other Amazing Hawkeye. scramble in the summer sky by paperclipbitch Kate/America, background Clint/&Nat, teen, no warnings: Kate’s first week, when she was still pretty sure this was a terrible idea and also not one that real people actually had – seriously, in the twenty-first century, who ran away with the circus – America came up to her three days in and said without preamble: “is anyone going to come looking for you, Princess?” Space AUs The Highest State of Friendship by inkvoices Teen, no warnings: A futuristic space AU in which bounty hunters Natasha and Clint aren’t married. Actually they’re supposed to be hunting each other. We Have Done the Impossible series by Telaryn Explicit, cntw, Firefly fusion, baby fic: Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff were born - and in Natasha's case bred - to serve the Alliance. No one cared when they began sleeping together; under Alliance law an Operative like Natasha could take as many sexual partners as she liked so long as it didn't interfere with her duties. - A baby would interfere. In Two Straight Lines In Rain or Shine by OracleGlass Gen, no warnings, Firefly crossover: "On that barren dustball known as Budapest, Firefly picks up an odd pair of passengers. Homeward Bound: The Adventures of the USS Avenger in the Delta Quadrant by @alphaflyer Teen, no warnings, Star Trek fusion: Sent to track the rebel ship Black Widow and to try and persuade her captain and certain of her crew members to work with Starfleet in defeating the Chitauri invaders, the USS Avenger finds itself displaced to the other side of the galaxy. And that was before the Black Widow opened fire... No Straight Lines by anonymous Teen, no warnings, Firefly AU: “It's curved. You'd end up at the starting point.” Natasha pauses, tilts her head. “Space doesn't have an end,” she adds, trailing her fingers across his shoulders as she passes. Old school, post-2012, they all move into the Tower fics if you let me through the door we can let the world in by @geniusorinsanity Background parings, teen, no warnings: Tony Stark has always wanted a clubhouse. He gets something more than that. Exclusive by @copperbadge Canon pairings, teen, no warnings: Heroes In Manhattan: From Captain America's Hidden Talents To The Truth About The Hulk, We Debunk The Myths And Expose The Daily Lives Of The Avengers. In Great Transition by vain_glorious Teen, no warnings: One by one, the Avengers move into Stark Tower. well, let the drumbeat drop by jonesandashes and @pollyrepeat Gen, no warnings: Pepper leaves, and there’s no more pizza, and Thor’s already talked about Jane, and Tony suspects all of them realize, abruptly and simultaneously, that they actually have no idea what to do now. He is, in fact, pretty certain that they’re just a few minutes away from someone deciding to say something about the weather. It’s probably going to be him. Culture and Other Balls of Twine by LithiumDoll Gen, no warnings: “Okay, I realize this could appear to be poorly conceived - to those of limited vision - but what you have to understand is, I’ve actually just had the greatest, most outstanding idea ever.” Tony’s eyes searched heavenward and then he nodded soberly. “Yes, I believe history will consider this my triumph.” To Be Modified As Necessary by ignipes Background pairings, teen, no warnings: They only need ten rules to ensure (relatively) peaceful cohabitation. Experts at the Fall by @enigma731 Gen, no warnings: After the Battle of New York, Natasha just wants things to go back to normal. But that’s not so easy considering that normal means being a spy, and her partner’s decided to be a superhero instead. And it’s especially difficult when her new assignment from S.H.I.E.L.D. is to collect intel on the Avengers. Fics where Natasha isn't as confident as she likes to pretend to have a home by oceanofchaos Background/past pairings, gen, no warnings: She doesn’t need other people, but she’s beginning to think she might want them. She buries herself in her work instead. Bouncing Baby Sniper by vain_glorious Clint/Nat, Steve/Peggy, teen, no warnings: Clint is actually Peggy Carter's grandson. Favourite kinky fics Get Some by @eiluned Explicit, het anal, butt plug, DP: He had just taken a big drag of coffee, savoring the sugary leftovers at the bottom of his mug, when she turned to him and out of the blue said, "I want you to fuck me in the ass." Cue epic spittake. your mileage may vary by Nonymous Explicit, past abuse, latex, BDSM: Clint's not really sure how to handle this whole BDSM thing. Natasha's not really sure how to handle Clint Barton. But she's definitely gonna give it the ol' college try. Moving the Furniture by @copperbadge Steve/Natasha, mature, friends with benefits: Steve thinks about sex a lot, and he'd like to have some, if he could just stop being an idiot around the people he'd like to have it with. Dropping Glasses Just to Hear Them Break by @lostemotion Explicit, cntw: Clint's mission to kill the Black Widow ends up a disaster when he runs into a third party in the field and finds himself being turned from hunter to hunted. His former target offers her assistance, and soon he's in for a whole other brand of trouble. Favourite poly fics runaways are running the night by anothercover Clint/Nat/Bucky, other parings, explicit, cntw: Natasha, Nakia, Okoye, Jessica Jones, and Valkyrie are the War Dogs: an all-girl rock band navigating their sudden explosion of hard-won success. Clint is a stand-up comedian. Bucky works security. Good People by @paperairplanesopenwindows​ Clint/Nat/Laura, teen, no warnings: "You have ‘Thank God you didn’t die when SHIELD fell’ sex with your wife and partner once and then your partner runs for the hills and your wife turns into a lovesick teenager.” She's My Cherry Pie by sheis-theslayer Clint/Nat/Laura, Nat/Laura focus, explicit, no warnings: If Laura Barton has said it once, she has said it a thousand times: no one touches the food while she's cooking. Especially if it's her pies. But Natasha Romanoff never listens. Alliterative Domiciles by Vera_DragonMuse [series] Pepper/Tony/Bruce, Clint/Nat, cntw: Fluff, schmoop and Tower shenanigans Little Stranger by Not_You OT6, gen, pregnancy: Natasha is not fit to be a mother. She is bitterly aware of this, sitting on the closed lid of her toilet and watching another test come up positive. A Safety in the End by @cloud--atlas​ [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen to explicit, cntw: The relationship adventures of Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov and James "Bucky" Barnes RedStar by @cloud--atlas​ [series] Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, angst, musician AU: “Clint,” Kate says slowly as two figures emerge from the house, their shapes so achingly familiar Clint wants to wrap himself up in them and never, ever let go. “Are you friends with James Barnes and Natasha Romanov of fucking RedStar!?” this is how it began (this is the secret between) by @notcaycepollard​ Clint/Nat/Laura, mature, no warnings: "Laura's a translator for SHIELD," Natasha tells him. "We're keeping her." i am on a lonely road and i am travelling (looking for the key to set me free) by irnan Nat/Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings: Wherein Natasha Romanov has a bucket list and a metaphorical feelings-cat, joins the Victoria Hand Rescue Society Inc, and is absolutely not dating either or both of her super-soldier BFFs from the 1940s, no matter what Nick Fury thinks. Friends and Ex-Lovers by @scifigrl47​ Clint/Bucky/Nat, mature, no warnings: Natasha knows exactly what a good thing she's got. She just thinks it could be better Three Step by @copperbadge​ Nat/Steve/Bucky, mature, no warnings: "How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of three-way relationship?" Keeping Steve by @copperbadge​ Steve/Tony/Pepper, explicit, no warnings: The gifts from Tony and Pepper are nice, and Steve secretly likes showing off signs that he belongs to them -- until some offhanded teasing from Clint makes him wonder if they're gifts from his lovers or payment for services rendered. Hide and Seek by @cassiesinsanity​ Clint/Nat/Bucky, teen, no warnings: There are reasons you should never break into your friends' houses. Kate finds out one of them. Favourite fics 1000 words or less Slow and Simple Melody by limned Teen, no warnings: Today he isn’t expecting to find Natasha awake in the communal living room at two-thirty in the morning, but it’s a pleasant surprise. You Are My Sweetest Downfall by @nympheline​ Teen, mild angst: You know how Natasha’s hair is really long in Iron Man 2 and then for the Avengers it’s completely chopped off? I like to think that’s because she got hurt in a mission in between and loses her hair because of a really serious head injury and Clint’s just going to be a mess because she’s hurt and she won’t say much because she never does. And he tells her she’s beautiful anyway. tower of babel by @sweetwatersong​ Gen, no warnings: Someone very cleverly thinks up a spell to keep the Avengers from talking to each other. They've fallen victim to one of the classic villain blunders, though: Never underestimate Hawkeye. account rendered by Siria Gen, no warnings: Clint lies in the debrief. Favourite Clint/Laura fics Repair Work by igrockspock Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Clint says, “I'm retired. One hundred percent. Done with Avenging.” Laura says, “Will that be for five minutes, or for five days?” Fragments by @intosnarkness​ Clint/Laura, teen, no warnings: Clint Barton has brought home strays before, but never one as dangerous as Natasha Romanoff. small town girl by @topaz119​ [series] Clint/Laura, teen to explicit, no warnings: “Oh, nice,” Laura said. “A smartass.” Holding Out For A Hero by @alphaflyer​ Clint/Laura, gen, no warnings: Cooper Barton pens an essay about his father; Laura does damage control. Clint helps (sort of). Topical: favourite trapped/isolated/quarantine fics Time, Baby by cat_77 Teen, cntw: A mission gone horribly wrong leaves Clint and Natasha trapped, injured, and suffering a slow death of suffocation. Time and each other: they have one and kind of need to steal some more of the other. Chasing the Light by Sarea Okelani (sarea) Teen, medical/quarantine/virus themes: A mission that goes awry tests two assassins and their partnership. Kate sets up Clint and Natasha How To Win Friends and Influence People by @cloud--atlas​ Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: Bookshop AU. One is bookseller/bookshop owner, the other a customer. Instead of talking one of them tries expressing feelings through the books they buy. Hawkeye's Pet Supplies by SneakyHuffelpuff Gen, no warnings: For the prompt: AU where Clint and Kate work at a pet supply store. Natasha is a frequent customer, and Kate is suspicious of her motives. Serendipity by silverfoxflower Teen, no warnings: "Why are you still in bed?" Kate demands, kicking at a corner of Clint’s mattress, which, rude. Why were girls and cats always so rude to him. By the Book by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: Clint Barton's love life isn't just a car crash, it's a multi-vehicle pile-up. Kate decides to lend a hand. Five of Clint’s Relationships that Kate Didn’t Approve of (And One That She Does) by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: Exactly what it says on the tin Poste Restante by @alphaflyer​ Teen, no warnings: The vials with live pathogens, alien prosthetics and ant colonies aren't the worst things Clint's friends drop off at his place for each other. Matters don't really get hairy for Kate until Natasha Romanoff shows up, with a heart-shaped box that says "Neuhaus". Favourite AUs Brown and Gold by Koren M (CyberMathWitch) Teen, no warnings, Dragonriders of Pern AU: What if they were different people in a different place and time? (A time that just happened to have dragons.) Soiree by ruby_caspar Teen, no warnings, a Georgette Heyer Regency AU: The Dowager Duchess known as the Black Widow is the talk of the ton - rich and mysterious, the only way to meet this elusive lady is through the equally mysterious Mr Barton… no light in this valley by trysts Teen, cntw, wild west AU: It was a good way to end a bad year, Clint figured. Tomorrow Then by @scribblemyname​ Teen, no warnings, reincarnation AU: Neither of them remembers where it started. There is eternity and the earth tilting in the heavens, but there is no beginning. They are not human enough yet for beginnings. Maps by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, cntw, reincarnation AU: Natasha won't let go, no matter what he becomes. Mr. & Mrs. Barton (Or: Why Natasha Sends Jennifer Aniston an Annual Apologetic Fruit Basket) by @geniusorinsanity​ Explicit, cntw, Mr. & Mrs. Smith AU: Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married. Boy and girl neglect to do background checks. Not a Day Goes By (Not a Single Day) by @intosnarkness​ [HSAU Theatre 'Verse] Gen, no warnings: A Coda: On the life and times of Clint and Natasha Yesterday, Upon the Stair by @intosnarkness​ Mature, cntw: When she was little Natasha had an imaginary friend. But like all little girls, she learned to forget him as she grew up. So imagine her surprise when one day she comes face to face with her old friend. And he's pointing an arrow at her heart. Talking Like Peter Lorre by @freaoscanlin​ Gen, no warnings: Clint has a very important question for fellow zoologist, Dr. Natasha Romanoff. Or: the AU where they’re all scientists in Antarctica and everybody is cold. All Under Heaven by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, cntw: Wherein Clint and Natalia are nature documentary filmmakers, filming for the BBC in Guilin, China. We Together Make A City by @cloud--atlas​ Mature, no warnings: Written for the prompt: Clint was/is a musician. Soft Landing by @cloud--atlas​ Teen, no warnings: Natasha Mends broken hearts. It's easy until it's not. Here I Dreamt I Was A Soldier by @sugarfey​ Mature, cntw: Bletchley Park, 1942: Women are recruited from across the country to decode enemy transmissions. The war stories of Maria Hill, Natasha Romanoff, Carol Danvers and Kate Bishop. Like campfires in the dark by @scribblemyname​ [series] Mature, cntw: There is nowhere to run, nowhere to escape the Great Strangeness creeping over the earth. They don't need to run. Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer by Sproid Mature, violence: The adventures of Clint Barton, Vampire Slayer. Or, how to be a Slayer while working for SHIELD and with the Avengers. Something that made you go: "Wow! This person knows what they are talking about!" Habeas Matrimonium by @crystallitanie​ Teen, no warnings: Five times Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton pretended to be hitched (and one time... well) In The Service: Three Times Hawkeye Questions His Orders (And One Time He Doesn’t) by @alphaflyer​ Teen, cntw: Some Government jobs are more … complicated than others. Samsara by xahra99 Teen, no warnings: Burning down a monastery isn't the worst thing they've ever done. Natasha and Clint take on a mission in Tibet. Everything isn't quite as it seems... Domestic Clint/Natasha Junk Food and Dirty Socks: A Love Story by igrockspock Gen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha show their love in unusual ways. Exciting Adventures in Cohabitation by igrockspock Teen, no warnings: Clint and Natasha try to navigate the mundane problems of living together. Like how someone can't be bothered to pick up her damn socks, and somebody else keeps leaving empty milk cartons in the fridge. Friendship fics Frequently Asked Questions by Mad_Maudlin Clint&Kate, teen, memory loss: Today is Monday, March 18th. You started losing your memories yesterday. still officially lost by @pollyrepeat​ Clint&Coulson, teen, no warnings: “Barton has clearly imprinted on you,” Fury starts, and keeps talking right over Phil’s knee-jerk, horrified, “He has not,” to seal Phil’s doom by saying, “so I’ve decided that you’re going to take primary responsibility for him from now on.” something good waitin' down this road by defcontwo Clint&Kate, gen, no warnings: Hawkeyes' House Rules for Dog Ownership and Other Misadventures. Or: Clint, Kate, a dog, and a study in moving forward. When push comes to Chevre by @copperbadge​ Bucky&Various, gen, Bucky Barnes acquires a plot of land in Wakanda, buys some goats, grows peanuts and sweet potatoes, and fosters a wayward rhinoceros. That's it, that's the story. Silhouette by @mariana-oconnor​ Clint/Bucky, Steve&Bucky, Clint&Natasha, mature, cntw: After a mission in Mexico goes wrong, SHIELD Agents Barnes and Rogers are given the job of hunting down the notorious Hawkeye and the Black Widow, the only problem being: no one even knows what they look like. On the other side of the law, Clint's enjoying messing with their new SHIELD shadows, especially seeing how close he can get to Agent Barnes without him realising, but he makes the mistake of getting attached, and that makes everything more complicated. Best Kept Secret by AlchemyAlice Tony&Natasha, teen, no warnings: In which there is a secret friendship, and Tony can’t deal with feelings, so Natasha has to do it for him. These two features may or may not be related. Heartbreak and angst we were emergencies by @gyzym Explicit, cntw (please see story notes): It's not about being unmade; it's about remaking, one aching step at a time. This Bitter Earth by @cloud--atlas Teen, cntw, dystopia: The only beautiful things here are her and the stars. And he can’t reach the stars. White Blank Page by allisnow Mature, cntw: Debt is beautiful only after it has been repaid. Not Easily Conquered by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears [series] Steve/Bucky, Steve/Peggy, Clint/Natasha, mature, cntw: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Peggy says, “These are the times that try men’s souls.” Warp and Weft by legete Mature, body horror: The muscle apparently talked a little much for Loki's liking. Now Natasha has to pick out the stitches. Favourite long!fic your blue-eyed boys by Feather (lalaietha) [series] and the related series [to see you there] (Clint/Nat, Bruce/Betty and Tony/Pepper) and (even if i could) make a deal with god (Steve/Bucky) Various pairings, teen to explicit, extensive warnings - please see tags, canon-divergent after WS: post-Winter Soldier recovery fic > Specifically: what i thought, what i said (Clint/&Natasha, Steve/Bucky, teen, no warnings) and [your albatross: carry it with no regrets] (Mature, no warnings: Five moments in Clint Barton's life.) To Be Vulnerable is Needed Most of All by perfect_plan Steve/Bucky, Clint/Nat, mature, mental illness and PTSD: Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes. Hyperfocal Distance by @freaoscanlin Teen, cntw: The AU where Natasha is an investigative journalist and Clint has a camera and is pretty good at shooting things with it. we are for each other by @quidnunc-life Steve/Maria, Clint/Natasha, teen, post-Avengers, no warnings: SHIELD has fallen, and Steve and Natasha deal with the questions that fell with the Triskelion: who are they, and who do they want to be? Which parts of their pasts are they going to rescue from the rubble? Where do they belong? letting me in or letting me go by @quidnunc-life Teen, no warnings: Natasha Romanoff has worked hard to become a successful member of SHIELD Investigations, and her hard work pays off when she lands a major job investigating corporate espionage at Stark Industries with Clint Barton and his apprentice, Kate. Working with other people isn't Natasha's forte, and she has her reasons for preferring to work alone; but Clint is charming and Kate is irrepressible, and soon Natasha finds herself wrapped up in a case that could prove to shake the skeletons out of her closet and upend everything, including the friendship (or more?) that's started to develop between her and Clint. Agent, Archer, Widow, Spies by @alphaflyer [series] Teen, cntw, James Bond fusion, excellent mission fics. Brooklyn Baby by sprinkle_of_cinnamon Bucky/Steve, Clint/Nat, mature, no warnings, AU: In which Bucky is just trying to live life and enjoy his unofficial official table at the obnoxiously hipster coffee shop but some guy named Steve stole his spot. Or, the time that Bucky unintentionally befriended the Avengers and had no idea. but the sky is the same by @sweeter-than Teen, no warnings: Takes place one year after Clint makes the unexpected choice to bring Natasha Romanov in from the cold. They've become co-workers and acquaintances, but Natasha is still as much a mystery to Clint as she was on the day he was first sent to target her. A story about making friends and making choices, set against the backdrop of daily life at SHIELD.