#and also writing enormous amounts of fanfic about him

[wordsandrobots]

IBO reference notes on . . . queerness

How has it taken me this long to write about this aspect of the show? (He asked rhetorically, staring at the enormous amount of fanfic that basically stands as a thesis statement on how very queer this part of the Gundam franchise is [as opposed to all the other terribly straight parts, he added, sarcastically].)

Anyway, let's do it. Full spoilers up to the end of the show will follow, together with discussion of child abuse and exploitation, since that is what IBO is all about.

Special thanks to @lilenui and @prezaki for their invaluable assistance in locating sources.

Statement of caveats: this work is an amateur analysis of the English-language localisations (subtitled and dubbed) of a piece of Japanese media. I do not speak or read Japanese. I am myself bi, which qualifies me to be attracted to more of the cast than the average viewer, and have a working knowledge of LGBTQ+ history in the UK and USA, which tells me nothing about the cultural and historical context in which this anime was made. As such, I will not be addressing the behind-the-scenes production or the corporate mandates surrounding it but will focus narrowly on what I perceive to be present in the text (hereafter meaning both the script and animation, and any additional fictional details provided elsewhere).

Queerness in Gundam

Some background before we dive in. To my knowledge, the first character in the Gundam franchise to be intentionally depicted as LGBTQ+ is Guin Sard Lineford from Turn A Gundam (1999). An ambitious young aristocrat who spends the series on the line between hero and villain, he is infatuated with protagonist Loran Cehack and the show makes little attempt to play this as anything other than one man falling in love with another.

This is entirely one-sided and not appreciated on Loran's part, although that seems to have less to do with it being homosexual attraction than with Guin's high-handed and entitled attitude to life, filtered through heavily gendered social norms. For plot reasons, Loran spends several episodes cross-dressing as 'Laura Rolla', corsets and all, and Guin continues referring to him as 'Laura' long after the deception is no longer required, saying it 'suits him better'. Guin is eventually called out on this by a third character, who accuses him of forcing an idea of feminity on the other man rather than stoop to place himself in the position of a 'wife'. Objectifying Loran is presented as of a piece with Guin's overall flaws as a person, to whit, putting his own views about how things should be above the material reality and desires of those around him.

Guin is also the only explicitly gay character in the show (I'm honestly not sure how to classify whatever Dianna Soreil and Kihel Heim have going on, but it's certainly not labelled in the text). Therefore no counterpoint is provided to demonstrate healthy queer relationships. I don't state this to dismiss his inclusion: he forms part of a smart, nuanced plot thread, and Gundam creator Yoshiyuki Tomino had to fight to get Guin's homosexuality clearly included. But even so, Guin is a palpable step forward rather than a watershed moment, and the end result veers close to some nasty stereotypes about queer people imposing their desires on others.

There are other examples of characters transgressing gender norms in Turn A, most especially Loran's aforementioned cross-dressing. He is comfortable playing the part of 'Laura', in ways that mitigate viewing this situation as the extended joke it might be in another production. Funny moments do come up – particularly in the lead-in to his 'debut' as he acclimatises to the female attire of the show's pseudo-Edwardian setting and takes posture lesson – but he and the concept of a man in ladies' clothes are never made a subject of mockery. The same cannot be said for the character of Sochie Heim, whose attempts as a young woman to fulfil a gung-ho masculine role often turn comedic. This is part and parcel of her assaying militaristic modes of action, which are soundly mocked across the board. It nevertheless stands out next to Loran/Laura.

Further, Loran's status as a literal moon-child carries implications for his attitudes. His dismissal of existing social standards on Earth is very much presented as correct, and in keeping with what I know of Tomino's other writing and stated beliefs, but it dovetails unfortunately with a treatment of queerness as otherworldly, not something that may be found among an average population. We get another example of cross-dressing in the next-but-one series, Gundam 00 (2007, not a work Tomino helmed), where the usually male-presenting artificial lifeform Tieria Erde switches to a female presentation (in a ball-gown, no less) during a covert mission. This sufficiently parallels Loran's case, I assume it was a deliberate call-back, being as it is a disguise enacted by someone even less typical than a boy from the moon.

What I am driving at is that while Guin, Loran and Tieria may be characters who are queer or perform queerness in some manner, they do not necessarily represent an outright embracing of queerness as a mundane facet of everyday life.

Fast-forward to 2024 and the latest mainline Gundam show is a lesbian romance.

If you have been following my blog for a while, you will know I do not hold The With From Mercury in especially high regard. I think it is annoyingly messy, frequently half-baked, and, broadly-speaking, exactly as frustrating as I'd expect from the guy who wrote Code:Geass. It's still an explicit love story that opens with a clangingly blunt statement about the acceptance same-sex relationships and ends with the two female leads happily married to one other. For all its flaws, I genuinely think the central relationship between Suletta Mercury and Miorine Rembran is a nice piece of story-telling, not to mention admirably open about what it is doing. Like it or lump it, Gundam is gay now, properly, with a protagonist and co-protagonist who can be definitively labelled queer and whose romance appears entirely unremarkable for the setting (in terms of being same-sex; clearly there is a lot to remark upon otherwise).

I would be remiss if I did not mention that the conclusion of the series was accompanied by a certain amount of corporate arse-showing, with hollow attempts to walk back the ending seemingly for the sake of appeasing homophobic elements within and without the companies that produce Gundam. The frankly laughable nature of these actions stands testament to how unequivocal G-Witch is. It is flatly impossible in my opinion to interpret as anything other than flagrantly homosexual, and that's great.

Between this interesting but limited start and the full-throated present lies Iron-Blooded Orphans (2015), my absolute favourite and the show that got me writing slash fic after years of… not doing that. So: what is the deal with queerness in IBO?

Natural for a human

By my count, including all present spin-offs, there are three characters stated in-text as being attracted to people of the same gender (Yamagi Gilmerton, Iznario Fareed, Deira Nadira), two who are at the least open to the idea (Norba Shino, Mina Zalmfort), two whose mutual attraction is stated within the context of polyamory with a third person of the opposite gender (Atra Mixta, Kudelia Aina Bernstein), one whose sexuality is briefly hinted at (Chad Chaden), and one male character who is possibly not attracted to women (Orga Itsuka).

Let's get Iznario out of the way first, because the less time we spend on the actual paedophile, the better.

Lord Iznario Fareed is a rich, powerful aristocrat who sexually abuses young blonde boys and inadvertently sets large parts of the plot in motion as part of quasi-villain McGillis' backstory. In a lesser show, Iznario would be the embodiment of the 'predatory queer' stereotype Guin skirts the edge of. Here, however, he is very much not the only 'gay' character present and his proclivities demonstrate one of the many ways the world exploits vulnerable children, a core theme of the series. Early on, we see fleeting glimpses of young girls being pimped out on the streets of Mars. Iznario shows this social failing extends to the much richer Earth and although he is portrayed as the worst among the Gjallarhorn elite, they all abuse their power for personal gain. Thus, as much as the reveal of what he has done carries a certain shock value, it is not present purely for cheap impact. (This isn't the essay to discuss it, but the flashbacks to McGillis being abused as a child are a masterclass in how to frame such things around the victim, clearly communicating what's happening while avoiding gross voyeurism.)

I don't know how deliberate it is the canonical gay character who is shown in an entirely positive light fits the profile of Iznario's victims to a T, but it does underscore we're looking at a case of power allowing people to get away with hideous things, not a stand-in for queerness in general. To an extent I resent having to spell this out, since it seems so obvious Iznario is not fulfilling the role of a homophobic cliché. Sadly, the cliché exists and the point is worth discussion.

Moving swiftly on: Yamagi and Shino.

Yamagi Gilmerton is a small, quiet teenage boy with a somewhat withdrawn and acerbic personality, who spends much of Iron-Blooded Orphans nursing a hopeless crush on mobile suit pilot Norba Shino. Like the majority of the cast, Yamagi is a child soldier, but a mechanic rather than a combatant. Additional backstory commentary reveals that he struggled on joining CGS mercenary group due to his physique. Indeed, while this detail is not directly referenced in the anime itself, he is indeed drawn noticeably thinner than the other boys.

Again, we veer towards stereotypes, where a queer character is portrayed as weaker and more effeminate. Yet in spite of leaning this way in looks, Yamagi is an eminently capable person, never treated as lesser for fulfilling a support role rather than being a fighter. If anything, IBO goes out of its way to highlight how vital good mechanics are to mechanised warfare, and we see multiple examples of Yamagi being both assertive and kind of badass. At one point, he scales, unaided, an 18 metre tall mobile suit that's collapsed to its knees. When he and Shino are revisited in spin-off game Urdr Hunt (soon to be some form of animated production), he pilots a spaceship within an active battle-zone, flying escort for a damaged freighter as it retreats. In Season 2, he's comfortable ordering Tekkadan's new recruits around and is the first person to properly chew Orga out for his failings as a leader. Far from being an outlier among the protagonists, Yamagi is equally brave and dedicated to the cause, irrespective of his sexuality.

To be fair, he does tend to clam up and grow more awkward around the object of his affections. To be equally fair, he has the misfortune of having fallen for the most oblivious himbo on God's red Mars.

Shino is a big, boisterous warrior, the polar opposite of Yamagi in personality and physicality. He embodies Tekkadan's machismo, eagerly anticipating the chance to prove their strength and generally being a standard bearer for becoming the biggest, baddest group around. Things are not as straightforward as they seem on the surface, however. He shows a good awareness of when the group is in over their heads – going so far as to suggest retreat in the face of bad odds several times – and he is not nearly as sure of himself as he might first appear. He displays a wide streak of insecurity about his abilities as a soldier, reacting badly to people questioning his dedication or competency. And he crumbles completely when some of his comrades are killed as the result of a split-second mistake on his part, stating a wish to have died in their place. Thereafter, he acts in ways that read as choosing to take all the risks on himself rather than go through more loss. It makes him an interesting mix, someone who acts as a cheerleader, boosting everyone else's morale, while swallowing his own doubts and personal fatalism.

He is also presented as one of the most sexually active members of Tekkadan, using his wages to visit brothels to sleep with women. Indeed, he is frequently found extolling the virtues of the opposite sex, referencing collections of pornography (at least in the English dub), and generally being a very typical teenage boy about such matters.

Given this, you might assume Yamagi is longing hopelessly for a straight man. That is indeed the idea the show teases us with for much of its run (can something be straight-baiting? I feel if anything ever earned that title, it's this). OK, Shino's fond of Yamagi as a friend and frequently relies on his assistance in improving his fighting ability, and per ancillary material, is the one who got Yamagi transferred to the mechanics corps in the first place, rescuing him from struggling in the infantry. And sure, Shino spends an awful lot of time in very close proximity to Yamagi, including literally pulling him into the cockpit to assist with a mission. And yes, Shino is absolutely a flamboyant creature, sporting gold ear studs and an attraction to the colour pink, ensuring his mobile suits are painted all over magenta in order to stand out on the battlefield. And certainly, Shino is extremely empathetic, adjusting his attitude depending on his impressions of other people, such that he dials his boisterousness down in Yamagi's presence, displaying a far more gentle affection than he does with his other friends.

But clearly he hasn't noticed Yamagi is head over heels for him.

Right?

Well, towards the end of Season 2, during another moment where Yamagi is literally sitting on Shino's knee, Shino proposes the two of them drink together all night long once the fighting is over. Not only is this an unambiguously romantic overture (he's asking while pushing aside the fringe that normally covers half of Yamagi's face, in order to look into his eyes properly), it comes after a joke several episodes earlier in which Shino has to explain to a less worldly comrade that a girl inviting you for a drink is not a request to go out with the whole gang but a far more intimate gesture (I say explain, it's more expressing incredulity Akihiro didn't realise Lafter was asking him on a date). Later, it is revealed Shino did indeed work out that Yamagi 'likes' him (to his friend Eugene's exasperation that it took him so long to notice), and he reacted with amazed delight to discover there was someone in Tekkadan who'd fall in love with 'a guy like me'.

He'd assumed because Tekkadan is a family (a description provided by their ally Naze, which everyone just kind of runs with), romantic love wasn't possible between them. Having worked through this mental block and finally realised the blindingly obvious, he renews his desire to protect Tekkadan as long as he lives, refuting his previous view of himself as an expendable human shield and heading out with every intention of surviving all the way to the end.

And because IBO is an exquisitely-written tragedy, he is promptly killed while attempting a futile one-man attack against their enemies, his advances on Yamagi forming part of a long build-up whereby the boy who loves him provides the tools he needs to charge into a suicide run.

Right then. *drags out the reading comprehension soap-box* I have seen some people refer to this as an example of the 'bury your gays' trope, and there is nothing more likely to get me manifesting behind you in the form of an irate shoebill than to do likewise. 'Bury your gays' refers to a tendency for queer characters in fiction to disproportionately suffer tragic fates. This is a writing choice usually rooted in the idea queer relationships are inherently tragic, either because they are viewed as a perversion of 'correct' forms of love, or because of some misguided idea the prevalence of homophobia means queer joy is impossible. I am going to be charitable and concede this is indeed a case where one half of a budding homosexual relationship dies horribly. But, as always, the context matters.

All but one of the romantic relationships established prior to the epilogue of Iron-Blooded Orphans end in death. Of the two that survive in some capacity, one is a heterosexual background romance between two older characters and the other is a pair of women I shall be covering later. IBO is a story about child soldiers that does not shy away from the fact these are teenagers being fed into a meat-grinder. That the director's original intention of killing every named character was toned down (to the series immeasurable benefit, in my opinion) dos not change a narrative arc towards doom.

Within this, Yamagi and Shino aren't singled out for being queer. The coyness around Shino's eventually-evident bisexuality serves to generate an instant of hope and relief right before the rug is pulled from under everyone's feet. Where Shino's death does differ from those of other characters is in presentation: he dies alone and does not get any form of farewell or the passing-on moment afforded to others. But that is only to be expected, since we're talking about the point where it becomes clear there is no saving the situation. It's a cruel, abrupt moment of bad luck, puncturing the heroic idea of scraping victory at the last second. Shino flew out intending to live and he died anyway. A queer relationship forming part of what he was fighting for is an almost incidental detail.

(As an aside, I am aware of two other examples in Gundam fiction where a pilot and a mechanic have a doomed love affair. One is in Char's Counterattack, where a male engineer's romance with a female pilot ends with them both being abruptly killed, and the other is from Gundam AGE, where a female mechanic sacrifices herself for the greater good, leaving a male pilot to mourn her loss for the rest of the series. Shino and Yamagi reiterate this same concept.)

Stepping back from the tragedy, Yamagi's love for Shino is as delightfully underplayed as the other relationships in the show, with little emotional melodrama being wrung from the romance itself. Yamagi can't bring himself to declare his feelings, frequently turning cold instead and perpetuating Shino's misunderstanding of where they stand. Yet Shino ultimately proves enthusiastic for the idea, rendering moot any concerns Yamagi had over getting turned down (going beyond the text, a Q&A with the series' director confirmed Shino was written as bi). Equally, in the aftermath of Shino's death, Eugene comforts Yamagi by relating the truth of Shino's earlier realisation and even going so far as to rebuff Yamagi for implying there's something wrong with him for grieving. This and other interactions in the same episode imply those nearest to the pair were well aware of Yamagi's desires and had absolutely no problem with them. The prevailing attitude within Tekkadan is one of complete acceptance for its members and this is no different.

Indeed, for me, the most important part of how queerness is represented in IBO is that it is treated as just another aspect of the diversity of the cast. I've seen it stated that viewing homosexuality as a natural part of human existence was Tomino's motivation in making Guin gay. IBO presents us with the same idea, far more seamlessly and far more positively.

Now, let's leave the anime proper and look at the same-sex pairing from spin-off manga Iron-Blooded Orphans: Moon Steel.

Deira Nadira and Mina Zalmfort are part of the Gjallarhorn nobility and their marriage was arranged to strengthen relations between their two families. We see an example of a similar political match in the main show, where the heir to the Fareed family, McGillis, is betrothed to the second child of the Bauduins, the much, much younger Almiria. That this can take place regardless of the gender of the participants has big implications for the functioning of a bloodline-focused aristocracy. Presumably it indicates they are happy to use medical technology to ensure the Nadira family continues into the next generation, and if same-sex marriages are thus permitted, that means fewer factors to worry about when it comes to perpetuation. Whether male-male weddings are allowed too remains an open question; given the existence of real-world double-standards, it is possible Deira and Mina represent the only acceptable form of homosexuality. Nevertheless, that it is accepted speaks volumes. Gjallarhorn is not an especially progressive organisation, built as it is on rigid class structures and notions of human purity. Yet here we are.

Perhaps we should have expected that the norms around gender in this system don't correspond to strictly patriarchal patterns from the real world. Carta Issue, a key player in Season 1 of the anime, is the only child of the Issue Family's current leader and positioned as his sole heir, irrespective of the fact she's a woman. The logical inference is that any children of hers would count as Issues, rather than belonging to a potential husband's family. Deira is similarly the heir to her father's position, although intriguingly, it's not outright confirmed if she is his only child or simply the oldest. The possibility exists that gender is a non-factor in determining inheritance.

With respect to sexuality, Deira seems pretty obviously intended to be a lesbian. Her relationship with Mina is presented as one they are both happy with, despite it being an arranged by their parents, and Deira is depicted in the manual for Gundam Gremory's model kit as favouring the clothes of 'a handsome man'. She doesn't present that way within the manga' story, first showing up wearing the standard unisex Gjallarhorn pilot-suit, then wearing a formal gown for a meeting while in an official capacity. But she is depicted wearing masculine clothes in silhouette when initially mentioned and in a post-story panel at the back of the final volume.

(Another aside: the fan translations I use for this part of the manga refer to Deira using male pronouns when she's introduced. However, that could simply be down to the poor quality of said translation; she's consistently referred to using female pronouns in official materials and the game adaptation of this scene has her named as simply 'Lord Nadira', the standard appellation for Gjallarhorn family heads.)

Whether Deira's code-switching is the result of institutional expectations around her role or personal preference, it adds extra texture to her depiction. While civilian garb was designed for the adult version of Carta and closely matches conservative gender expectations for a woman, she's never shown wearing it, so we don't have a point of comparison to judge what's required of a character in Deira's position.

Regarding Mina, you'll notice I grouped her with Shino rather than the characters whose sexuality I consider to be stated outright. With Shino, the nature of his sexuality is not put absolutely beyond question in the text. This is splitting hairs due to the overt nature of what's on screen but the fact remains, the anime doesn't clarify if his being open to Yamagi's love means he already thinks of himself as bisexual, or if this is something he hadn't considered before. With Mina, it's more a case that I'm unwilling to label her one way or the other based on the available information. Deira carries sufficient signifiers, I find little room for doubt over the intention. We also have an outright statement that she holds great affection for Mina regardless of being obliged to consider her an eventual romantic partner. Indeed, she becomes so upset by believing her fiance dead, she runs off to Antarctica in a Gundam. But the exact depth of Mina's feelings in return is not discussed.

In addition, Mina is considerably younger than Deira. McGillis and Almiria's match takes place when he is (probably) somewhere in his late twenties and she is nine, with plans for the union made four years prior. This is not great, to put it mildly, albeit fairly typical of how such things have historically worked for nobility. Based on appearances and how they are treated by the rest of the cast, I would assume Mina to be in her mid-teens, and Deira to be in her early twenties (annoyingly, exact ages are provided for several characters in Moon Steel, just not these two). A less dramatic gap (and I don't believe Mina is meant to be quite as young as her appearance perhaps suggests), yet still significant when one of the people involved is below what we'd consider adulthood.

There is no indication of anything untoward going on, within the confines of the situation, similar to how we're given no indication McGillis is abusive towards Almiria. Any comparisons with Lord Iznario's activities lie purely along the axis of how children are exploited by adults even without suffering directly. All indications are that Deira and Mina have made the most of something they have little choice in. Regardless, I still feel more comfortable describing Mina as open to being in a relationship with another woman, rather than pinning her to a specific preference.

Continuing the theme of things where doubt or ambiguity exist, let's discuss some characters were there shouldn't be any: Atra and Kudelia.

I don't know about you, but I find it extraordinarily hard to read this as anything other than a three-way love-confession. Still, in the interests of fair play, let's review the wriggle room for declaring this something else.

Kudelia Aina Bernstein and Atra Mixta are love interests of nominal protagonist Mikazuki Augus, in an iteration of another tried-and-true trope, that of a male lead inexplicably being attractive to the female characters in his orbit. Or rather, it would be if the show didn't take such pains to demonstrate why these girls fall for him, setting up a long-established crush on Atra's part (rooted in him being the first person in the world to be nice to her) and a mutual respect on Kudelia's that gets spurred to more when Mikazuki randomly decides to kiss her because she 'looked cute' (Mikazuki has the manners of a feral stray raised on the streets, because that's precisely what he is).

Justification aside, this has the makings of a traditional triangle, that is, one without a connecting base, which we might expect to be resolved by either Kudelia or Atra 'losing out'. For a few episodes, this does indeed seem where we are headed. Then Atra discovers the concept of polyamory via the polygamous Turbines group and all bets are off.

Having realised it is perfectly possible for a family to consist of multiple romantic partners, Atra proceeds to work towards ensuring everyone gets everything they want. Strictly speaking, this doesn't mean she is attracted to Kudelia as well – even if she clearly recognises Kudelia as an attractive person from the start and…

You know what? Acknowledging that the information about their eventual marital status was only stated in interviews at live events with no official record and seems to have been framed around raising the son Atra has with Mika, I'm going to abandon the pretence of both-sided objectivity and go straight for the throat. Turns out my patience for soft-footing this lasts about as long as it takes to say 'bi-erasure'.

Over the course of Season 1, Atra not only decides the end-game is some form of three-person wedding, she also:

Shows no jealousy over Mikazuki and instead chides him for not providing the correct emotional support to the girl he kissed.

Spends a great deal of time with Kudelia and enthusiastically throws herself into furthering Kudelia's goals, without necessarily understanding the technicalities.

Covers for Kudelia by pretending to be her during a confrontation with Gjallarhorn soldiers, getting herself soundly beaten up in order to prevent them from chasing after the real deal.

Drives an armoured car through a battlefield for Kudelia's sake, safely delivering her to a vital rendezvous.

Leaps in front of a massive mobile suit to push Kudelia out of its path, physically shielding the other girl with her body.

As much as it pains me to resort to the 'if this were a man and a woman, would it read as romantic' crudity – yes! Yes it would! Especially since in Season 2, Atra presents Kudelia with a good-luck charm bracelet she has woven, something she previously did for Mikazuki explicitly out of having a crush on him. I'm all for embracing platonic love (which is why Takaki and Aston are not featuring in this rundown) and there's nothing in the above list necessarily entailing attraction beyond deep friendship. But when Atra consciously repeats her actions towards Mikazuki (someone she goes on to definitely have sex with) with Kudelia and it leads to the scene between them where they declare how they feel about each other and Mikauki, looking for non-romantic angles takes more effort.

After all, if we are to read Shino's openness to Yamagi's affection from the things he says and how he looks saying them, we can certainly do the same for Atra and Kudelia's use of the word 'like' in reference to one another and their reactions to hearing it said of them. (Obligatory note that if there is some nuance in the original Japanese the translation doesn't capture, I'd love to hear about it. The English scripts, however, leave little to the imagination.)

It is indisputable that Atra feels a strong affection towards Kudelia and while I have been focusing on her a lot (she is by far the most proactive member of the triad), Kudelia reciprocates at every opportunity she is presented with. Even if there truly wasn't an intention to portray this as exactly equivalent to Atra and Mikazuki, the end result manages to be on par with Yamagi and Shino. Consider Kudelia and Mikazuki, for example. In terms of portrayal and the two-girls-one-guy trope being explored here, they have the same level of chemistry and the same absence of overt consummation as Kudelia and Atra, and it would hardly be a serious position to claim the show does not place the two of them in romantic conjunction, now would it?

You may at this point be wondering why I am getting so defensive of reading Kudelia and Atra as romantic partners. Honestly, I am too. On reflection, I think it's because IBO is playing around with such a worn-out and insipid means of wringing drama from characters who should know better, I keep searching for the catch. And yet there isn't one. This show really did respond to a nascent love chevron by having the mousy, homely girl tell the governor's beautiful daughter to shut up and get in the polycule, and turned it into a true triangle.

That's wonderful. I cannot properly express the wave of joy and relief that came over me when I realised this was the direction they were taking. It ends in tragedy, of course, Mikazuki giving up any chance of a peaceful life to die in battle, far away from the women who love him. But their lives continue because of his sacrifice and by all appearances they remain together. In some ways, for the overarching message of hope persisting on the back of heartbreak, the precise details of that arrangement don't particularly matter. So why not take the gayest reading possible?

What an excellent segue into a blink-and-you'll-miss-it, probably-stretching-too-far, nonetheless-compelling potential bit of queerness: Chad in the series epilogue.

One of the many tertiary characters in Tekkadan, Chad Chaden has minor speaking parts throughout Season 1 and a larger role in Season 2. He initially appears during a particularly dire early moment when it looks like everyone is about to be killed by attacking mobile suits. His obvious resignation to this fate sets the tone for a rather dour personality, at least while on the clock. Chad starts out as human debris, a person enslaved after a space battle and sold to the CGS military group as free labour. This gives him a very matter-of-fact attitude towards fighting and the kill-or-be-killed nature of being forced into it – he voices the sentiment that even when facing other human debris, they can't afford to show mercy.

Off the clock, Chad displays a more sensitive personality. He seems studious, learning about interplanetary communications from Kudelia's maid Fumitan and later being promoted to leader of Tekkadan's Earth branch. He has some difficulty acclimatising to being treated as a free person, proving unsure about the concept of wearing a smart suit instead of his normal fatigues. And he grows anxious when he returns to Mars to discover nobody told him two of the few adults in the group (Yukinojo and Merribit) had started dating, worrying that he's no longer 'one of the guys'.

The most we learn about his relationship preferences prior to the series epilogue comes in a comedic sequence about a third of the way into Season 2, when Shino suggests a trip to a local brothel. Eugene responds by proclaiming that he's realised money will not buy him true love. This prompts Chad to ask Merribit if this is true and, on her saying she supposes so, opts out of the trip as well. Judging by his body-language in the next frame where he appears, this is possibly a decision he regrets – perhaps owing to his anxieties, since he just passed up the chance for some team-bonding.

None of this is directly relevant to the topic of this essay. If anything, the scene I just described suggests that, like Eugene, Chad has previously gone along with Shino in paying for sex with women, only to discover he wanted more than just physical intimacy. But then we get the exchange in Kudelia's office during the last episode, following a time-skip after Tekkadan's defeat and dissolution. Now working for Kudelia as an assistant of some kind, Chad notes that Merribit is shortly to give birth to her and Yukinojo's second child, saying he and Yamagi intend to meet up later to plan a celebration. Eugene reacts with amused disbelief, accusing them of just wanting an excuse to go out drinking, to which Chad retorts, 'what's wrong with that?'

And the thing is he's blushing when he does. Which may simply be because Eugene is accusing him of slacking off – IBO characters blush all the time and their embarrassment is frequently to do with being caught acting immature or otherwise against how they want people to see them. But given the weight that 'drinking the night away' carries in regards to Yamagi following Shino's actions shortly prior to his death, it is easy to speculate this represents something more specific.

As far as I can recall, Chad and Yamagi do not interact at all over the course of the show's two seasons, meaning these lines present a rather unexpected combination of characters. Eugene would have seemed a more likely candidate to associate with Yamagi. He's positioned as Shino's closest friend, he comforts Yamagi over his grief, and they are together for much of the climax to the series' plot. So what has happened in the years since, that Eugene's teasing should elicit a blush from Chad instead?

If we put on our shipping goggles, it's far from a nonsensical pairing. Chad goes through an arc not too dissimilar to Shino's. He is knocked into a coma while protecting an ally from a bomb blast and subsequently the Earth branch gets swept into a war orchestrated by one of the factions within Gjallarhorn. On recovering, he blames himself for the many deaths that result, echoing Shino's line about thinking it better if he'd died in place of his comrades. On returning to Mars, he jumps head-first into mobile suit training, determined to make up for his perceived failure as a leader and cheering himself up through rigorous activity. Different though their personalities appear on the surface, there are clear commonalities here. Further, Chad's responses to his traumatic experiences have a more measured quality to them than Shino's. He is not nearly as reckless and provides clear directions to his comrades even while acting as a decoy against a dangerous enemy, rather than abandon any attempt to be an effective leader. Taken together, and coupled to a more long-term view of romance, these qualities might make him a 'safer' version of things Yamagi loved about Shino, creating space for them to be drawn together.

Or perhaps they're simply the most logical points of contact between the ex-Tekkadan survivors at the Admoss Company and Kassapa Factory and intend to make that an excuse to get companionably plastered for no greater reason than it being a nice time. I am speculating over a couple of lines and an animation choice. Nevertheless, it does not feel like unreasonable speculation. When we already have a veritable gaggle of characters who are queer or may trivially be read as such, it's hardly a stretch to assume one more.

Chad/Yamagi doesn't appear to be a thread the fandom at large has pulled on much, likely because the pairing of Shino and Yamagi is so prominent, it eclipses a mere throwaway possibility. But I'm glad it exists within easy reach. And even if we take off our goggles, these lines demonstrate life for the characters has not stopped. The ex-slave and the gay kid are not stuck, trapped by the tragedies of their past. They have instead grown in both confidence and happiness and now have peaceful, stable lives where they're on going-out-drinking terms. That above all is why I wanted to explore this exchange: it reinforces Iron-Blooded Orphans' rejection of the idea the suffering people like Chad and Yamagi go through is perpetual or inevitable.

OK, one more character to look at. Let's talk about Orga and asexuality.

Orga Itsuka, leader of Tekkadan and instigator of the series' events, is notable for his charisma, his drive to provide a safe home for his comrades, and his complete unsuitability for the grown-up activities he attempts. Trying to party all night leaves him puking up his dinner. He forces himself into a suit and tie to handle the administration of a break-out paramilitary company, despite finding it stultifying and bewildering. His goals spin like a weather-cock, as he's surrounded by older characters possessing strong convictions while unable to stick to his own. And he is ultimately undone by an unwillingness to ask for help, having assumed that, as leader, he must decide everything alone.

I suspect his expressed lack of interest in women is intended to help convey overall immaturity. Orga is a good soldier and tactician, but he plainly isn't prepared for adulthood, lacking the grasp on the complexities of life that implies. Making him uncomfortable about sex serves to heighten the impression of a teenager trying to navigate circumstances for which he's not yet ready.

Relatedly, it should be stressed Orga stating he 'doesn't care' about woman is a response to Eugene asking if he agrees love and kindness are what's important, as opposed to Shino's endorsement of boobs. On hearing this response, Eugene proceeds to mock his commander for inexperience. That he himself has only just had his first sexual experience with another person and previously said much the same about not caring about sex simply proves hypocrisy is a fundamental aspect of Eugene's characterisation. The whole scene is very teenage.

Matters have not improved much when Orga and Eugene's dynamic is revisited in one of the side-stories released via the Iron-Blooded Orphans G mobile game. A year and change later, Eugene continues to act superior about having 'experience' where Orga doesn't.

Orga takes this rather poorly.

(Subtitles by @trafalgarlog)

Eventually Merribit has to shout at them to stop being brats, shaming them for behaving like argumentative children. It's funny – and then you remember they basically still are children and this is headed towards more carnage that will not spare them for being young. Such it is to engage with Iron-Blooded Orphans.

What does any of this tell us about Orga's sexuality? In principle, taking it as a device to convey immaturity, nothing. Orga's persisting virginity could simply mean he's not worked out this aspect of himself yet. He is a busy young man who likely hasn't had the time to try.

Alternatively it could mean he is gay. Mikazuki/Orga is an extremely popular ship in the fandom and we might take Orga's professed lack of interest in women as 'evidence' of him swinging the other way.

Or we could take my view, that Orga is asexual and his embarrassment is rooted in just not getting what the big deal is.

To immediately clarify, I don't think he is ace because he 'hasn't worked out what he wants', I think he's ace because he blushes on admitting he doesn't care about women and does not try to prove otherwise once he's in a position where he could easily do so. In circling back to the same joke for the side-story, the writers portray Orga as continuing to be uninterested in sex and sensitive over being needled about it. Again, a feasible interpretation is that he's into guys. Yet this is an argument with Eugene, whose response to the idea of Yamagi being in love with Shino is basically 'you mean you didn't notice?' Eugene is a dork and jerk; he isn't bigoted. None of the Tekkadan guys are. It's unclear if homophobia is even a factor in the setting. Sexism is, but when someone as superficially macho as Shino is comfortable with male/male attraction, and there are same-sex weddings inside Gjallarhorn, we cannot assume stigma exists around being gay. So why should Orga be worried, unless it goes beyond a question of who you're attracted to and into the answer being 'nobody at all'?

When you're surrounded by people who happily wax lyrical about how the joys of sex make you a real man, the absence of a libido might easily become a sore point.

Again, I'm supposing. Again, there is room to do so. As I touched on with Chad, it is easy to read queerness into the text when the assumption of straightness has been taken away, which is something this show does wholeheartedly and deliberately.

Orga Itsuka is one of the first characters I looked at and realised, not only shouldn't I assume heterosexuality, I shouldn't assume sexual attraction at all. I cannot credit Iron-Blooded Orphans alone with this. I do credit it with being a piece of media that applies itself to inclusiveness in ways quite remarkable for a show about giant robot fights, produced to market toys.

The word we want here is 'normalisation'. IBO has a lot to say about what constitutes 'normal' and a lot of it accords well with my own views, particularly those that have me twitching whenever anybody demands we 'be normal' about something. Normality is horrible. It is cruel and it is callous. 'Normal' is a world run on exploitation, on slave labour and on police savagery. Normal is children forced to risk their lives to earn the money required to feed themselves, because it is normal for their parents be gone, or incapable of supporting them. War is normal. Corruption of political systems is normal. Death coming more rapidly for those deemed expendable by society is very, very normal.

But so is protest. The drive to do something, to change things. The capacity for caring about each other. Love. 'Normal' is just a statement about what surrounds us every day, for worse and for better. In too many pieces of fiction, normality is narrowed, rendered a neater, cleaner picture, often excluding the kinds of people we might run into on the street, or walk past, or see on the news, distant and dehumanised.

Queerness is normal, yet for a long time it has been one of the first things to be cut out of fictional worlds. And when it is present, it's a big deal. An object lesson or a cry of triumph over breaking free of unfair strictures. I love stories about queer joy and victory. Heck, I'm a sucker for a good, soppy gay romance. But these aren't the only kinds of stories we tell. Sometimes we need to reflect the worst aspects of the world and what it does to normal people.

In attempting this, Iron-Blooded Orphans commits to an idea of 'normal people' that includes those who are gay or bisexual, those of colour and those we'd call white, the polyamorous, the illiterate, the desperate, the powerful, those who throw themselves into the fight with everything they have, and those who are simply kind. Those who are accepting, understanding and compassionate. Those who need to be accepted, who struggle to be understood, who suffer for a lack of compassion.

There are all sorts of people in IBO and – as a certain cheery, violent dumbass once said – man do I love it. I don't believe it is reading against the spirit of the thing to imagine more diversity than gets outright stated, to interpret one of the leads as ace or suppose another side character is bi or pansexual. It would seem entirely natural if they were.

Everyone's welcome here, down among the debris and the bloodshed, where hope is precious and fleeting and still somehow endures. So why shouldn't we raise a few extra pride flags?

Queer as in 'fuck you'

This all said, taken as a whole, Iron-Blooded Orphans is not a story about queerness or queer romance. Nowhere is this clearer than in its ending.

I skipped over the framing of the final scenes of the anime when I discussed Kudelia and Atra. They form a striking contrast with the ending of The Witch from Mercury, where the conclusion is directly focused around Suletta and Miorine's love for one another, their bonds of wedlock, and the happiness they have found together. This follows from the show being primarily about their relationship. In Iron-Blooded Orphans, the ending focuses not on Kudelia's feelings toward Atra, but those she has for Akatsuki, Mikazuki's son, with Eugene even saying she's eager to go see 'the man she loves', setting up a brief moment of uncertainty over who the character with Mikazuki's outline actually is.

The nature of Kudelia and Atra's relationship post-time-skip is implied rather than stated: in the English versions of the script, they do not refer to each other using terms suggesting they are married, although Atra has dropped her habitual 'Miss' from the front of Kudelia's name. They do not have wedding rings (redundant as those would be alongside the charm bracelets) and Akatsuki does not call Kudelia 'mom'. That they are raising him together is suggested very strongly, in line with Mikazuki asking Kudelia to be guardian of his child if he died. There are non-romantic ways of taking this idea, though, and none of these are closed off as viable interpretations.

But why should we expect some definite statement about romantic status when the point being conveyed is how Tekkadan's legacy continues to shape the world? This is a story concerned with the exploitation underpinning the world and the effort required to make even the smallest wide-scale change. It is about how people trapped at the bottom of the pecking order are still people, still human, messy and complex. It is about their pointless deaths, they ways they struggle on until those deaths come for them, and why they matter, even if the world forgets them.

Mikazuki, the living weapon, the human sacrifice for Orga Itsuka's reckless ambitions, leaves behind a child who will grow up in a more peaceful time, in a society slightly better off than when he and Orga were starving on Chyrse's streets. He doesn't live to see it; Akatsuki does. For all the failures, the attempt wasn't a waste. Don't you dare disrespect the people who died by saying it was.

This is where the epilogue centres, on Akatsuki and on Kudelia's cherishing of the world Mikazuki and everyone else built. Atra and Kudelia's relationship is there, a part of the gentler life they now have (Atra's desires were always towards the version of her existence where Mikazuki retires to a farm; here she fulfils the dream with Kudelia alone). It just doesn't need to take up space for the ending to land.

Yet, as I pour over how queerness is incorporated into Iron-Blooded Orphans, I find myself considering the struggles queer people face in reality. The victims of the AIDS crisis, dehumanised by indifferent institutions. Section 28 and the attempted destruction of knowledge around non-heterosexual forms of love. Riots and campaigns, voices raised loud and proud. How we are equated with dirt and corruption, reduced down to facts others find disgusting. The name-calling. The petty, pathetic posturing that makes everyday existence pointlessly harder.

So it goes for space-rats and degenerates alike.

I am lucky. My life is about as far from that of a child soldier as it is possible to get. My sexuality has been largely invisible. My gender matches the one most favoured by my society. I still have more common cause with those born in poverty on the other side of the world than I will ever have with the aristocrats and billionaires who shape the direction of my country. Because we hold many causes of misery in common. Because we share the same capacities for joy and suffering. Because our humanity is so easily cast aside by those we will never be able to touch.

There is always a place for stories uncomplicatedly about queer love conquering all. Equally, it is important to recognise the places queerness overlaps with stories about the many other ways the world casts people out. It is vital to be able to explore loss, futility and heartbreak. It is essential to capture why we strive onwards despite how heavily tragedy might weight us down.

We may be doomed. Our lives still matter. To ourselves, to each other and, whether they remember or not, to those who come after us.

So, no: for all the queer characters it contains and the many more we might trivially imagine queerness into, Iron-Blooded Orphans is not gay in the vein of The Witch From Mercury. It is not a happy story.

But it is a tenaciously hopeful one and, from certain angles, that alone looks queer as hell.

---------

Happy UK/US Pride Month – in honour and memory of Marsha P Johnson and everyone else who refused to go quietly.

I shall leave you with one of the least straight things ever to be included in any Gundam show.

[Index for further writing]

[damienthepious]

would you be up for a bit of commentary on chap 25 of beast? Maybe something from Arum’s section? hi I am very normal about this fic couldn’t you tell

i am ALWAYS up for commentary, even if it sometimes takes me a few days to find time to get to it. unforch i can't just write fanfic full time, alas. BUT YES. the new (it WAS new when i STARTED writing this commentary!!! BUT) chapter 25 :3c I did the whole fcking section, oops.

[Perhaps it is only natural, the associations Arum's humans have begun to take on in his mind.]

it's amazing the weird ways that Arum's captivity has scrambled his usual characterization for me. He still has SO much pride but he also KNOWS that it's kinda bullshit, and he also feels like such an enormous, world-ending fuckup that the pride seems ridiculous. hence:

he's a lot more easily able to admit to himself his own affections, thought processes, feelings in general. They just seem like part of the unsatisfactory whole of who he is.

[That first: the idea of Amaryllis and Sir Damien as Arum's humans.]

................ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Possession, he supposes, does not come into it, as such. He is not in a state to possess anything at all. A scrap of charcoal and a hidden drawing that has been unfolded and refolded so many times that it has begun to fray at the edges- that amounts for about as much as he can boast to possess.]

a lot of the way i think about a character calling another character theirs or stuff like that has been intensely reframed by the way it's described in Dal's fics, which... and i'm not going to describe this well, i don't think, but it's sort of... possession in reverse? like... you call a place Your home, not because it's land that you own, but because it is a place that You belong to. Arum is a shriveled houseplant. They are HIS humans because they're the ones who watered him, cared for him, treated him like something that was still alive. They're His because they're the only ones who matter, so far as he's concerned. They may as well be the only humans that exist, really.

So, ACTUAL possession- that's not really part of it. He's not trying to claim them, not really.

[Nevertheless.

Amaryllis and Sir Damien are his. If only to differentiate them from the entire rest of their species. If only in that they are the only extant creatures save his Keep that Arum would rather have at his side than not, even in his shame, and failure, and despair. Perhaps the more so even in such.]

he wants them around. He's not really in a position to think of himself outside of his current situation, so he can't say how he'd feel about them if he were free, but... but...

He's also aligning them with the Keep in his head, which maybe isn't a surprise at this point.

[But-

Associations. Yes.]

AND HE GETS DISTRACTED BY HIS OWN THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM.

[He still smells honeysuckle on Sir Damien, now and again. Arum knows, now, that it grows at the edge of Amaryllis' garden, in the clearing beside her hut. She's drawn it for him in a few of her letters, sketches that carry the delicate golden weight of the flowers even in their simple black lines.]

physical reality, nature, communication. the association of honeysuckle=damien is obvious, of course, but it carries more than itself. yellow, sweetness, sunshine, hazy air, buzzing insects. Rilla reveals windows through which he can actually see something besides his own horrible surroundings. Damien is the details, Rilla is the whole wide picture.

[He wishes she had drawn Sir Damien there, calm amongst the flora, pollen and sunlight seeping into his skin, the curls of his hair. Arum can't quite imagine it properly in his own head. Damien would be out of his armor, for one. Arum has never seen him like that. He can't bring himself to try to picture some facsimile of the true shape of Damien's shoulders, without the chitin, or the trim of his waist.]

an extremely, extremely physical, visceral, sensual image that doesn't actually exist. and so terribly simple, too. Arum appreciates beauty, generally, in canon and in all my verses, and here... he's been so deprived for so long, an idea THAT pretty is fairly well overwhelming.

[He does not think, truly, that he'll ever witness such a sight, but... he would prefer not to sully the chance with some false imagining, anyway.]

Still fatalistic, alas. He can't FORCE himself to believe that he'll escape, let alone that he'll escape and survive and damien will also survive AND he'll ever have a reason to see him sans armor. But also, he clearly wants that. All of it. He actually SAYS so! Says he WISHES just for the image!!! which is so much more than most versions of Arum would have done openly, even to himself.

[He has seen Amaryllis so much more rarely, but their correspondence-

Her anger mirrors his own. Her incandescent fury, rage against the injustice, the unfairness. She is clever, perhaps more clever than any other creature he has known. Certainly more clever than any other human he has yet met.]

unequivocal. y'know? Rilla is straight up brilliant, and THIS arum isn't so smug that he resists admitting that. and the anger- Rilla likes when things make sense. in MH, she sounds SO angry when she tells Arum that something isn't fair. Arum's situation rn? REALLY isn't fucking fair, and she's just as angry as Arum is about it, and SHE'S not the one in a cage. Rilla sees something wrong and wants so so so SO badly to FIX it. She fixes things, it's what she does. Not being able to fix THIS quickly and efficiently is distressing as hell for her, and it bleeds through.

[He thinks-

He can't help but think-]

this is a cut-off-and-rephrase because he doesn't WANT to think about this, in his current position.

[Would he enjoy their words, their company, their companionship- would he feel about the pair of them the way he does, if he knew them before? If he knew them, somehow, outside of this wretched captivity?]

He doesn't want to consider this question, really, because he's afraid that the answer could be no. (Obviously, considering me, the answer would always only ever be yes. but Arum doesn't know that) He doesn't want to think about the possibility of despising them outside of this because he wants this to be real, wants the idea of Rilla and Damien and their connection to him to be possible out in the REAL world. He doesn't want this to be pity alone, he doesn't want this to be charity. Because it's more than that for HIM.

[Would Sir Damien seem so much like sunlight and honey and candleflame against his scales? So much like comfort, lyrical lullaby voice and careful cradling palms against his scales?]

And here, finally, are the actual ASSOCIATIONS that Arum was thinking about and indicating in the FIRST FUCKING SENTENCE of this section. Warmth, natural light, song, touch, tenderness.

[Would he meet Amaryllis mind to mind and want with such unspeakable hunger to cultivate the soil side by side with her, some shared garden, some shared growth?]

some shared garden, some shared growth.........

[(Had he not failed so catastrophically, so long ago, he would have finished his weapon. Had he not failed, he would have been the architect of the destruction of every human in the Wilds.)]

Oh, for a shift in perspective, for the context of the real living beings belonging to some abstract "enemy." I love my meow meow dearly, but i certainly never forget the intended warcrimes.

[(He has regretted his incomplete work so deeply, in his captivity.)]

And why WOULDN'T he???? Here, chained, trapped, tortured, starved, alone???? why would he NOT regret failing to kill ALL of these humans? If he succeeded, he wouldn't be HERE.

[(Harder... harder to regret that, now. Amaryllis and Sir Damien, two dead among thousands, never known to him, more blood among the ocean of this terrible war, and Arum-)]

Oh for a shift in perspective. There's a face (or two) on the populace he didn't care about killing, before. Which is maybe ironic, because it's the same shift that Damien had to go through from the other side.

[They both feel so painfully real, here among the sad grey monotonous nothing.]

Back to the moment, back to the feelings. Back to something softer.

[Damien's consistency and warmth, growing among the cracks, bringing his own sunlight; Amaryllis more distant, more free, some passerine creature flitting in and out from the bars that cage him, the both of them messengers of earth and sky and storm, the only proof that the outside world exists.]

Flora and fauna. And maybe, in other circumstances, it would make more sense for Rilla to embody plant life and Damien who i frequently associate with rabbits in particular to be the fauna, but here... Damien is a consistent presence, closer to the constant companionship of his Keep, and Rilla is the songbird, bringing vitality with the words she shares. they ARE the "earth and sky and storm," they ARE the outside world. Between the two of them, sun and moon, earth and sky, hand and hand. it's only natural-

[It should be no surprise at all, he tells himself. The warmth. The fluttering feeling. The pleasure he feels reading Amaryllis' words. The comfort of Damien's touch.]

he shouldn't be surprised, he tells himself. Which, of course, implies that he IS surprised, on some level. And, despite his position, and despite being SOMEWHAT more willing to be honest with himself, there's still a level of abstraction here. Mostly, of course, because he's in such a rotten place physically-emotionally-mentally. And also because he kind of doesn't really know what's going on with himself, either. Why would he?

[It shouldn't be any surprise for Lord Arum, feeling something for his humans. Whatever it is that that something might be.]

And also... it doesn't matter WHAT the feeling is, specifically. It doesn't. Arum knows that he DOES feel something for them. And that's enough. That's more than should be possible.

ANYWAY. THIS IS SO LONG. HOPE IT'S ENJOYABLEEEEE

[hirukochan]

out of curiosity: you originally started Your Tears as a smut fic and it’s snowballed into the behemoth it is today. if you’d know it’d be what it is, would you have made the main character an OC rather than a reader insert?

Probably yes. I think I would have. 

I started your tears because I had an idea that wouldn’t leave me alone for days and I knew to get it out of my system I had to write it down. I also wanted to challenge myself. The you-perspective was something I had attempted a few times in the past but never wrote more than two sentences before scratching it because it just felt so weird while writing. 

I then wrote a short Snape/reader fic. I struggled through all six chapters, hated at least of it. I basically ignore it exists now because it’s kinda bad in my opinion. I was just getting into writing in English for the first time really too.

Writing a reader insert is really limiting when it comes to world building I’ve come to notice. Of course I want to keep the reader as neutral as possible, a clean slate every reader can see themself in ‘dove’. Her nickname helps! But it’s kinda cringe to write his dove whenever Snape talks about her 😅. I hope it doesn’t read too terrible but continuously just writing she would be horrible too, so I embrace the cringe, cringe is freedom!

I think the curse-plotline would have been a bit better fleshed out with an OC and the overall world building a bit smoother. Maybe I’d have written more about her grandparents - not that we need any more of this enormous fanfic. I already think I’ll most likely reach the 400k words mark by the end of this!

I try not to use y/n which is really difficult with the length of the story and the amount of plot I ended up having. I might still have written it as a reader insert because it’s actually a nice challenge, something different and I like the way it reads.

I think I would have at least given her a last name though! Make her a Burke or something just to make avoiding y/n easier on myself and not having to use his dove so often!

If I had written it as an OC story it would have been darker though!  Voldemort has been getting progressively more obsessed with the reader and he’s a bit handsy - I was thinking about him going further, taking things further, forcing Snape to share her with him. Maybe use some very ancient law in the style of right of the first night. I shied away from it and decided to not do that because it’s a Snape/reader insert. I thought the readers wouldn’t appreciate a sudden forced coupling with the Dark Lord 😅.

[neirmetes]

Welcome to another round of: Neirmetes’ Demonstrably Niche Fanfic Idea that they may or may not even write depending on public interest

Today we have a fairly simple one, and its a Macaque x Reader

So have you ever heard of the Count of Monte Cristo? Regardless of if you’ve read the book or watched a movie or whatever other form of media it's been reincarnated as, allow me to lay down the basics. Fair warning, I do not know how to summarize things quickly.

Basically its a story about a man (Edmund Dantes) framed by two close people in his life (three technically but the other guy barely really counts) and sent to prison for treason. He meets an incredibly intelligent man in prison. As they make efforts towards their prison escape, they become closer; like a father and son. The intelligent old man then bequeaths onto Edmund an island with an enormous amount of wealth, since he believed he would not survive to make the escape. Spoiler: he did not in fact survive to make the escape.

Now here’s where our protagonist overlaps with our favorite antagonist, Edmund uses this second chance at life and newly acquired power to exact his revenge onto those who had wronged him. The wording was deliberately written to be familiar, and draw parallels between Edmund and Macaque.

And here is where I move this towards the x Reader genre

What I left out is that Edmund had a fiancé- the beautiful Mercedes, and was set to marry her right before he was thrown in jail. When he escaped, he later learned that his beloved had married one of the very people responsible for his imprisonment. For the fic, the Reader takes the place of Mercedes; a lover who never found out what truly happened to her other half. When she dies, she reincarnates and ends up with SWK in present time (oops love triangle). And so the revenge ploy starts. 

Now in the book, Edmund handles this questionably; I personally have an interpretation that works better for the purposes of this fic. What’s important to take away right now is that Edmund never stopped loving Mercedes, and knows she’s innocent in this. But because of her connections with his enemy, she’s still heavily affected. Remember that for later

I do plan for this to be a full-on AU in order to include fun stuffs from the Count of Monte Cristo while incorporating stuffs from LMK. I might change some character’s roles, and others might completely undergo a makeover. (I’m looking at you LBD) And a part of me wants to also end it on a bittersweet/angsty note by leaning into the sun wukong x reader a bit more.

If you thought the love triangle trope can only be about tough choices and miscommunications, you are sorely lacking in imagination, my friend. Because I’m about to make it hurt

[ninhaoma-ya]

For the fic writer meme: 4, 16, 32, 39,54. 56

Thank you very much for the asks!

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

All over the place. Reading something else, cycling home, listening to a podcast… mainly I blame the cosmic inspiration rays, streaming through the universe, combined with my lack of protective gear to stop the pesky buggers.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

Eeeeh… 94? <sweating>

And I’ll one-up the ask and share two! “How to win friends and influence people” for DoVio and “Chess game” for LawNa. And, of course, the rest of the prompts for this years Heart Pirates week which I will get to, eventually…

(And my latest reread of Discworld which had the unfortunate side-effect of inspiring me to start plotting a Moist von Lipwig-story…)

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

The list is too long for tumblr, but since I am in thesis hell, I lean towards hurt(/comfort) at the moment.

@chromatic-lamina for the Hearts (AO3 here)

@senlinyu for the angst (AO3 here)

@purplehairedwonder for that sweet, sweet whump (AO3 here)

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

Law grunted as he sliced through an enormous alligator, rearranging its parts with those of a nearby tree. Their path so far had been quite uneventful, but they were probably nearing the shade and good hiding spots of a ruined temple, if the increasing amount of beasts and just plain weird creatures were something to judge by.

“I’d say we’re nearing the main area,” Nico Robin said, echoing his thoughts, as she used her extra limbs to brush away greenery and peer through the undergrowth.

“What makes you say that,” Bepo asked, panting and surreptitiously clawing at the opening of his boiler suit. Law furrowed his brows – the mink sounded like he was suffering from the heat. He really should have left Bepo on the cool ship with Ikkaku and Franky, but Bepo had insisted… but what kind of captain was he if he didn’t put his crew’s needs before their wants? A quick Scan ensured him that Bepo was fine, even if he was running a bit of a temperature.

“If not for the increasing amount of things that try to kill us, which implies the presence of good hiding spots, such as could be created by a ruined temple," she said, pointing at a cracked stone tablet, “I’d say the sign that says ‘this way to main plaza and temple entrance’ in one of the ancient tongues of the island is a good indicator.”

54. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Writing. Also, my least favourite part is writing. It’s good you get to write, but then you have to write, y’know? But I really enjoy getting lost in the story and finding the right way to express something, preferably with at least two layers of meaning to it.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

My multi-layered jokes and easter eggs and call-backs and puns and wordplay. It’s fun to just go off on a pun-tangent and drop weird-ass almost-acronyms and still somehow make it make sense (for me at least). I’m still inordinately proud of my “plastered enough to start their own construction company” as a way to describe really, really drunk people in StatSig, for example.

I'm still accepting (and hoping for) more asks as I try to procrastinate working on my thesis, so anyone reading this; feel very free to ask away! List to be found here.

Answered: 1, 2, 4, 9, 11, 12, 16, 25, 26, 32, 39, 54, 56

[kritischetheologie]

ok you mentioned like. a sebmichael medieval arranged marriage thing a little while ago but never writing it but i’ve been thinking about it ever since and i need to know more ofc it’s entirely up to you whether you want to share but pls know that if you decide to write or publish it in any format i will be it’s biggest fan

thank you for this anon!! some rambling below the cut.

I do not currently have any plans to work on this fic; I'm about 6k into Space Sebcedes and also just agreed to step in and write a fic for a playlist exchange, so that's what's down the pipeline for me right now. I also just put so much humiliating "what the fuck does :pleading_face: mean use your words I don't speak bottom" yearning into saltwater and gasoline so it might be a hot minute before I yearn on main like that again. (if you like absolutely desperate yearning and Ye Olde Historical Whatever, you may also like the collection of vibes in the cottagecore sico bedtime story. I may be tossing some more on that pile pretty soon)

however. the sebmichael arranged marriage is one of my absolutely favorite thoughts to periodically chew on. vibes wise, it's basically set in the Fantasy Fanfic Middle Ages (TM); for those of you who want a historical touchpoint, think approximately eleventh-century soctland, insofar as we've got a general tendency towards the consolidation of power into kingdoms but we still have a series of kingships, warlords, constant skirmishes over borders, what have you.

anyway michael schumacher is an absolutely terrifying warlord in the process of some Territorial Consolidation Through Conquest. does he already have at least one dead wife? like, maybe. sebastian vettel is the terrified blushing virgin to be wed to him. Yes, sebastian is absolutely going to grow into being a Powerful Spouse Consort and also Horny As Fuck. we play the hits here on kritischetheologie dot tumblr dot com.

I might never write this because I just don't actually think I can be bothered doing the amount of worldbuilding I would need to do to make something hit in a serious way, but if I went for it on just vibes I would feel kind of cringe and gross, so instead I just think about michael in like bloodstained leather fucking seb on a fur rug immediately after returning from battle. that's what we're on about.

anyway some fic recs if you want Deeply Formative Arranged Marriage Shit (fun fact this is one of my few favorited tags on ao3 dot gov what does that fucking say about me):

the lady of storm's end, 148k, sansa stark / stannis baratheon, this fucking rewired my entire selfhood when i read it

she who would be queen, 98k, r*ylo, nobody fucking @ me about this

and I love this place, the enormous sky, 11k, bellarke, grounder!bellamy (if you like arranged marriage this ship has SO MUCH)

of weddings and warfare, 82k, hermione granger / remus lupin, also just search the entire "marriage law challenge" that was the SHIT

anyway that's enough het for now bye

[graycats-arcane-blog]

I want Viktor and Sevika to meet up in season two and complain together about how Jayce and Silco did them dirty. Find my long-winded train of thought below.

So, you’ve got two pairs of people united by their dreams: Jayce and Viktor share their “Hextech Dream;” Silco and Sevika dream of a free Zaun. They revolutionize their respective regions (“Not necessarily in a good way,” Ekko might add as he watches countless Trenchers become deformed by shimmer) with Hextech coming to symbolize Progress Topside while Silco’s gang gains decisive control over most of the Undercity.

Jayce and Silco become the “poster boys” of their respective dreams. Jayce’s face is splattered across posters and mugs all over Topside; Silco’s eye-symbol-thingy is found on buildings and signs in the Undercity. Viktor and Sevika, although they both pull enormous amounts of weight with regard to bringing their dreams alive, are absent from the spotlight. Why?

Viktor and Sevika prioritize the realization of their dreams to receiving credit. The same could be said for Jayce and Silco, but, well, someone needs to lead their movements, and they’ve got the charisma for it. Meanwhile, Viktor and Sevika remain in the shadows, even skipping out on opportunities to have their contributions acknowledged, like when Viktor declines Jayce’s invitation to appear on stage with him at the Progress Day Address, and when Sevika turns down Finn’s offer for them to overthrow Silco and take his place. They seem content to take a backseat – that is, until things go wrong.

Viktor asks Jayce why he’s immersing himself in politics when they should be doing science. Sevika warns Silco that his ward is literally blowing holes in their operations. Both have valid concerns, both see their dreams in jeopardy – and neither are taken seriously. Jayce is determined to be a political boi, and Silco, although he does talk to Jinx about the potential harm she’s caused to his mission, does not take steps to prevent her from future explosive behavior.

Jayce and Silco take on additional responsibilities – politics and parenthood – that they are NOT PREPARED FOR AT ALL. And, what do you know, they do poorly. Jayce attempts to reform a corrupt government only to end up participating in the corruption himself, cutting deals with other Councilors under Mel’s guidance. Silco attempts to strengthen a disturbed individual, but ends up shaping an individual who can (and does) destroy him and his plans for Zaun.

(And, yeah, it’s a lot more complicated than just that. We could say that Viktor is also corrupting the Hextech dream when he kills Sky with the Hexcore. We could say that Sevika didn’t do Silco any favors when she was harsh with Jinx. We could say Jinx would’ve messed stuff up even if Silco hadn’t raised her.)

My point is, if there were a fanfic where Viktor and Sevika meet up at a bar to drink and rant about watching their partner/boss flush their dreams down the toilet, I would savor every moment of it.

(I might also be tempted to write such a fic. Anybody else want to read about Viktor and Sevika being drinking buddies who rant at each other? No? Eh, I’ll probably write it anyway. Eventually.)

[oneoftheprettynerds]

Fixed: Dark!Steve x Reader (Mob AU)

Chapter 4 in the Lipstick and Crayons Series.

Chapter 3: Love So Soft

Main Masterlist

A/N: It’s shorter than my usual updates but I’m busy so sorry for the delay. My final exam dates have come and all I can do is pray right now lol. Please pray for me if you can, this sis is out here writing fanfics for yall instead of studying so, haha. ANyways, enjoy babies! Shit happens in this chapter.

Warning: Non-Con, Sickening Threats, Mob Themes, Violence, Death, Manipulation, a mild mental breakdown, Cheap Tricks.

Genres + Characters: Mob AU, Single Parents AU, Steve Rogers x Reader.

Summary: Steve can’t ever repay you for what you did. After meeting you, Steve believes his broken family is the missing piece in the puzzle of your own wrecked one. Indebting the crime lord to you has been the biggest mistake of your life, cause now you can’t get rid of him, no matter what. Loyalty and favours go a long way in the mob.

Word count: 5K

Chapter 4: Fixed

You didn’t sleep that night. Or the next few. Your hands shook every time you got a flashback and even though you were numb to emotions that entire day, tears threatened to spill whenever your mind took to you to that overpriced kitchen again.

Now that he had gone to a dangerous and unnerved assaulter from a Dad trying to take care of his daughter, your mind wouldn’t put anything past him. You knew that in the back of your mind that he was a mobster and your ‘friendship’ was alarming to say the least, but now there was no denying his resources and power and the very obvious threat to your life lingering in the air.

At least before you had the luxury to be oblivious and ignorant, not anymore though. Steve felt even more unhinged and liberal now, even messaging you daily, greeting texts that you obviously ignored. He knew you both were aware that you never handed him your number and he felt no need to hide his pursuit.

You read most of the messages, not bothering with a single reply though. You tried to block him but somehow your phone would still receive messages from his number, even though his contact would always peek back at you from the otherwise empty blacklist.

As if his torment wasn’t ample, another message thread from a different number would forward you alarming images, photos of Grace in her daycare, on a class trip to the park and even her playing in your backyard. You had no doubt that this was another game of his to show you his resources.

You skipped daycare for a few days, your mental health worse than it was after the carnival attack, because now you had a personal tormentor and you cursed yourself for falling into this mess. At times, you believed it wasn’t your fault really, you just helped a kid and this situation spiraled itself but what would pointing fingers now get you? The harsh truth was you were in a calamitous situation now and every step from now on had to be thought out.

So, you let Grace attend her daycare and acted if nothing was amiss or altered, after the few initial breakdown days of course, kept going to your job and earning the bread. You considered your options, you really wanted to go to the cops or a higher fair power but those were few these days, almost non existent in your city. You also vaguely recalled meeting three of the Captains of the PD at Sarah’s birthday, all smiley and doe eyed for Steve. You knew they wouldn’t help, fucking kiss-asses.

Maybe you would have to move somewhere else, perhaps to your hometown, at least till things cooled down or better yet were forgotten? But that trail was very predictable and you didn’t want your parents in this mess.  

You also came to know that Steve had inserted himself in the other spheres of your life. You were sure your location was always being sent to him, the knowledge a courtesy of the black car following you while you travelled to home at some late day’s end.

Aiden told you whereabouts were easy to track, when you inquired ambiguously. Another instance was when you went to the bank to deposit cash for your debit card, you came face to face with an enormous amount already there. Somehow, the limit on your credit card was also extended. How, you knew. The clerk told you about an email you must have gotten in regards to it, you dismissed that justification away and told them to not accept the cash. To sum the discussion, they weren’t helpful and had no policy against anonymous donors.

Aiden, your trusted coworker cum pal, sensed the shift in your aura and fidgety form very easily, pestering you with questions and you decided to turn to him, stressed and tired and ready to do something. His questioning eyebrows made you confess vaguely but you refused to tell him the extent of it. Just that his prediction came true and you needed help. Let’s just say, Aiden was a good man.

With time, Steve’s ‘affectionate’ messages became deranged, and you found it harder to act nonchalant in your daily life. You were thankful he didn’t come to visit you, possibly occupied with the rumored war between the mobs. You just prayed for a few more days of ignorance, just enough time to think and do something.

“What do you mean someone collected her?!” You had a hard time controlling your voice, you were about to burst, in tears or with anger, you didn’t know.

“The man was verified in the emergency contacts and we got a letter signed and approved by you to skip the day an hour into the first activity.”

“A man? Emergen-, wait no! What fucking approved letter?”

You had three emergency contacts, your mom in another state, Aiden, and one of the other kid’s mom you had grown close to. Aiden was with you at work all day, so did someone disguise themselves as him? And what was the deal with the letter signed by you? You surely didn’t remember writing and authorizing one.

The boy, Pietro, who had been the receptionist for as long as you could remember, shuffled through the chaotic piles of paper and presented a letter to you, and your blood froze as your eyes skimmed the font.

Your beautiful cursive stared right back at you and you knew that no one would ever be able to distinguish between this penmanship and the one in the pocketbook in your clutch. No one but you. Even though you knew you had not written it, the slightly different ‘f’ and ‘g’ told you everything.

Your signature at the bottom though, was done quite perfectly and that made you even more scared.

“I did-, I didn’t write this! What the-” Your widened eyes met Pietro’s from above the paper but all he offered you was a meek smile. Your hands shook with rage and for the first time in your life, you had the urge to slap someone really bad.

“Maybe your family had an emergency to take he-”

“No, you don’t get it!” You stopped yourself from getting frantic, willing yourself to take deep breaths and think rationally. Today of all days, things had to mess up.

He didn’t know you had no family in this city, that you had a mobster after you or the subtle threats that his hired spy sent to you.

Was going to the police an option? Aiden already told you that the cops were as good as Steve’s men. But this was about your missing kid! You’d never forgive yourself if something happened to her. And you were giving Steve way too much credit, what if he wasn’t behind this all? Come to think of it, what if the other number wasn’t his?

Relax yourself! Thinking of disturbing theories wouldn’t help anyone. You thought you should go to the cops, just in case. No mentioning of Steve, just a woman with a ‘missing child’ report.

‘Missing Child’ left an acrid taste behind and you were too close to a breakdown, but your whole journey of single-parenthood taught you to kick vulnerability aside, well most of the times.

You turned and were about to leave, but Pietro stopped you. “If you are going to the cops Ma’am, they require 8 hours of inactivity or disappearance time for kids under 5.”

Well look who just read your mind.

You huffed and kept the tears at bay, your mind thinking of what to do then? Grace was obviously taken-

“How could you let a toddler leave without informing the parents?” You knew your anger was channeling out at the wrong man but didn’t he all but hand Grace to the stranger?

You beat him answering and inquired, “What did the man look like? Do you have any footage? Anything?” The wrinkles in your forehead and stress creases on your face paired with the eyebags betrayed your age surely. You were sure you had aged more this week than an entire decade, juggling your normal life with the hovering threat.

“You shouldn’t be this worried Ma’am.”

The fucking audacity.

“Your daughter recognized him, she all but ran to him and this other little girl he came with. You should maybe ask your parent-friends around? A blonde family perhaps?”

As all the emotions drained from your face and terror took over, the young lad in front of you looked smug. You wondered as if you imagined the faintest of smirks on his face.

You crumpled the letter in your hands, seething with rage as you stepped in your car. Oh, you were mad, more wrathful than ever. You could take any hits on you, any threat but not on Grace, never on her.

You were stupid, you had already decided you wouldn’t put anything past him but unknowingly, you did put this past him. You thought this man had a shred of decency to not use your kid in this adult war, being a parent himself and all but what a surprise! You were wrong.

You drove to your home, your thoughts a mix of trepidation, anxiety and fury. You were scared of him and his reach and resources but if he put Grace in any type of danger; whether to teach you a lesson or use her as bait or both, there’d be consequences.

Lord knows you killed a man a month ago Grace was threatened.

You had one thing to do before contacting Steve about Grace but you never got to do it because unexpectedly the bastard was in your home. In your home.

The black sports car outside was a huge giveaway but your suspicions were confirmed when you opened the door with your house key. The banter and giggles from inside alarmed yet calmed you; the dread of confrontation and the assurance of Grace’s safety reigned your mind.

As the door opened painfully slow like a horror movie, the sight that met your eyes made you sick with a feeling of failure. It wasn’t gore or blood or grunge, it was Steve bouncing Grace in the air and catching her while Sarah twirled around in the living room.  

This man was craftier than you thought, every action of his was calculated, each a refined step. You had been so preoccupied to avoid direct encounters with him in your little family’s life that you didn’t think he had other ways. He was always looming around with Sarah and as Grace began to trust Sarah, she consequently began to trust her blonde guardian too.

As you slammed the door behind you, Steve’s eyes snapped to yours and his smirk made you want to punch him so hard. The smugness on his face while he let Grace down without breaking eye contact told you he had no regret, no remorse. In fact, he was loving every second of this cat and mouse chase between you two.

You were a millimeter close to losing your shit, the only check being the kids in the room. But you were mad and he was going to know it.

“What the hell, Steve? Messing with my kid?” You threw your clutch onto the couch, Steve haughty by the reception of his sent message but still holding back because of the kids. He called Wanda and you didn’t really notice where she came from but you did register Steve asking to take the girls to the park for a ‘private discussion’.

As Grace passed by you, you grabbed her arm lightly, making her look at you with doe eyes resembling yours. You gave her a smile trying to ease her, but you knew she was smart enough to sense the change in the atmosphere.

Apparently, the whining Sarah wasn’t.

You looked back to Steve, your hold still on Grace and continued with a frown and raised eyebrows, “She isn’t going anywhere, not out of my sight and obviously not with you or your goons.”

Wanda had the audacity to look offended and you scoffed at her, eyes staring Steve’s down.

“Honey, I don’t think the kids should hear what I think you have to say right now.” He said nodding to Wanda to take Grace.

“You must be deranged to think I trust Grace near anyone even remotely related to you! Take your people and get out.” You held your hand up to stop Wanda and pointed towards the door with the most menacing glare you could form.

Grace looked incomprehensibly between you two, concern and confusion on her face. That might have been the first time such a tone was used in your household. The grumbling Sarah was close to throwing a tantrum, irritated by the change in the playful air or the lack of attention to her, you didn’t know. She was hanging on Wanda’s forearm, her feet slipping on your printed rug. Wanda was trying to not look hurt still by your previous statement, distracting herself by the blonde kid and you were baffled by her obliviousness to all this.

Steve, the beefy blonde Lucifer, was furious and seething. His white knuckles and ticking jaw were the most obvious giveaways, the fingers just itching to beat the shit out of someone no doubt.

Was he imagining striking you into compliance into his weird playhouse game complex? You wouldn’t be surprised given the extent of his attempt to ‘win’ you over.

The ‘get out’ tone and blatant disrespect was a bruise to his ego for sure, and by you, a middle-class woman nonetheless was a worse injury. Steve was the deadly boss to armored men in the vicinity, the kids’ father figure, according to him, and Wanda’s stern yet kind employer.

People had been killed for less and there you were, standing in all your glory, being the only person alive to reject Steve Rogers and now, the only to raise your voice at him.

You almost scoffed at his impudence to look offended, what did he expect? For you to submit to him after the stunt he pulled? His reach was scary he proved today and that any future with him in your life in any way, was a fearsome possibility to entertain but you’d be damned if you went down without a fight.  

“You can’t make me leave; we both know. You don’t have the physical edge nor the mental one. I have no problem drawing out G-U-N-S in front of the kids or to throw the warnings around, although I would prefer not to.”

Your free hand itched to slap him, like how his did minutes ago. It wasn’t a mankind problem about men thinking they were entitled to everything; it was a Steve Rogers’s problem. Of course, with him consent didn’t matter. If he had a ‘housewife, kids and fences’ fixation, he’d make it come true.

“Do you even listen to what I say? Or your own words even? Please, go ahead! Traumatise my kid and also yours in your wooing process! Why are you so obsessed? Leave us alone, you freak! I just ignored few messages!” You had a hard time maintaining your cool, if there was any left. You were sure you were scaring Grace and no matter what happened next, you knew she was already traumatized by this entire ordeal already. You were so sorry, so, so, so sorry to your poor baby caught in this mess.

You knew, no, you hoped, he wouldn’t pull out the gun, his actions at the carnival a proof, you remembered how he hid his gun on finding Sarah. That threat was empty but the next one wasn’t, his words making you freeze in your spot.

“I think you keep on misunderstanding me, sweetheart. I don’t make empty promises,”

Posh word for threats.

“For starters, maybe I should pay my future in-laws a visit in their blue duplex. They might need help with the vast garden they have, it is the season for ‘violets’, isn’t it?”

As you froze with your parents being brought up, he also cooled, albeit differently, smirking once again gaining the upper hand, not that he lost it if you were being honest.

“Isn’t threatening my kid enough for you, Steve?” You hated how your loud voice almost broke, your anger slowly subsiding into helplessness and you hated that. You hated his guts, his entitlement, his claim; everything about him.

“You still don’t see it, do you? Our family of four is the most important thing to me right now and I’m not above doing anything to save it.”

“There is no family of four Steve! I keep explaining and you keep coming back to square one with all this bullshit!” The curse word did tick Steve off but he would correct that later, when bigger things weren’t at ploy.

“Your ignorance makes me a little mad sometimes sweetheart and that is why I have to do all I do. You haven’t realized we need each other yet, but I’m staying until you do and even after that, I promise. You know how much it pissed me off to see your tickets and the packed suitcases after I’ve been nothing but nice? I was so generous to spoil you with my riches but instead I find that in your finances.”

This fucker knew. Of course, he did!

You were wondering in the back of your head what had prompted this visit with so many threats and warnings and anguish. He was pissed even before you ‘acted out’, he tracked the tickets and the plan and that meant he even tracked-

“You have so much to learn, but luckily you interact with quite a few people. I am most tempted to start out with this Aiden guy, trying to be the hero and giving you all the ideas. Maybe I should visit him?” Steve wondered out loud, and you flinched at his suggestion, hating how you were trapped by this man.

You couldn’t live with yourself if anyone got hurt because of you, be it your parents or Aiden or any other possibility Steve would come up with. Of course, Grace was your peak priority but you doubted he would hurt her as he threatened to harm them.

“Steve, please.” The fire was almost out, your hands trembling, Grace worried and Steve smug.

“Let the kids go and I think we can come to a conclusion.”

“Steve this needs to stop.” You said, your breaths heavy and helplessness clawing away at you.

“I won’t repeat myself.” He voiced out with a threatening edge, gesturing to Grace and Wanda, clearly telling you to first get the kids out.

For a deranged fucktard, he sure cared about the kids a lot.

You loosened your hold on Grace, patting her arm softly and nudged her to Wanda. Wanda received her little hand and enticed the kids with the promise of ice-cream. Sarah clapped her hands and as the trio left, Grace did look over her shoulders at you in concern and for permission, majorly in concern though. You nodded and waved, a tear dropping as soon as the door clicked shut.

You were still staring at the door, not wanting to meet Steve’s stormy blue orbs when he began, “Today was a slip up that I won’t tolerate again. Neither the cursing nor the dramatics.”

We aren’t in a fucking play, what the fuck is he labelling as dramatics?

Your eyes slowly flickered to his, and you had a hard time not letting the tears escape except the one traitorous one earlier. The fatigue, the worry of Grace’s disappearance, the threats to your friends and family were all catching up to you. It took all in you to stay strong and not fall down right now.

“Steve this isn’t funny anymore. It’s sick and you know it! I just said no! Was that so inexcusable that you had to follow up with this? You have violated me for that, broken into my home and now kidnapped my daughter! At what extent will you stop?” You broke down finally, arms a flailing mess as fat tears rolled down. Nothing scared more than the helplessness this moment. He won and he knew it. The carnival incident was nothing in comparison to this. The only good thing you could hope in all this was a safe Grace but that too only if you complied, which seemed like what you would do now given your attempts at fighting back and scampering have failed laughably.

“Gosh, I forgot how theatrical women are. You are smart darling; you know what I want from day one, just a happy family. Nothing that horrendous has happened and especially not as badly as put it. I’m just looking out for you and me in the long run.” Steve slowly treaded towards you, his hand extended to pat your arm comfortingly but you involuntarily flinched at contact and stepped back. Steve clearly didn’t like that as he caught your arm in a bruising grip and jerked you towards him. Manhandling you as your wet hands rushed to ease his grip was not a tough task for Steve, a surprise to none.

“Stop trembling like I’ve actually done something to harm you!”

Steve clearly didn’t know how to comfort women and it showed.

You stopped with the cowering away, even though it disgusted you to be this much in close proximity with your assaulter. He clearly had anger issues and no clue how to solve them. You needed to steer the conversation right and get him out. You could see your hands visibly shake as you put them on his chest, just to create some distance and in a way of surrendering to not fight. The tears slowed but you don’t think they stopped; it was hard to tell with a million other things on your mind.

As your eyes made contact, Steve loosened his grip, clearly a bit satisfied by your submission, as he began counting to help you breathe. As much as you hated to admit, it helped you and you got a flashback to the time when you freaked out on him about Grace at that extravagant dinner date. That was a sweet gesture then, not so sweet now. Funny how drastically things change with time.

It wasn’t so much Steve’s help as it was your own mind telling you to be fucking smart about the whole ordeal right now.

“Good. Better. Now let’s talk. Why were you planning to run away? I’ve been busy and coming home to find out that wasn’t joyful, you know.” His smile suggested a better mood than before but his voice, his husky voice always had this daring edge that almost challenged you to defy him but at the same time warned you of unpleasant consequences if you did.

“Steve, I’m scared.” You spoke with utmost honesty. “The part of the world you associate yourself with scares me. You can’t blame me for not wanting that life for Grace, I mean you have a kid of your own. Wasn’t the carnival attack specifically on Sarah?”

The reasoning was right but you knew you triggered him the moment his smile evaporated. He either felt insulted as a parent or disrespected in his profession or probably both.

He was fighting his inner demons already and you pointing it out was a slap to his face, a hit he didn’t want to take.

“That was a slip up, I admit. Never again. I’m only human, okay?” He convinced himself and you, his grip tightening a bit again.

Oh no, not the right direction to take.

You reckoned he still had nightmares about it like you, he really did love Sarah a lot, all things aside.

“Besides, I am looking out for you! Out for you and Grace and Sarah. I remember my promise of never putting either of them in harm’s way ever again.”

You definitely didn’t trust his security or his people because what sort of a mobster let his daughter get targeted and possibly abducted? You definitely didn’t know the whole story or if it was just a bad day but he wasn’t a person that deserved some slack. Despite all this, you knew what all he held above you, above a common man. He might not be ‘Kingpin’ skilled but a threat to you nonetheless.

Before you could stop yourself, you blurted out, “Is that what you call following me around, huh?” which you immediately regretted.

“Trust the process, baby. Everything is just to protect you.”

Is that what he called stalking even Grace around and twistedly enough, sending you proof of that? The anonymous thread of photos was another nightmare of yours, thanks to him. The last being a candid photo inside Grace’s room, her sleeping in her bed this morning and that’s when you decided you needed to get out. Of course, that didn’t go as planned.

“How am I supposed to do that when you have cameras in my house?!” You scoffed and he reeled back at the accusation, having the nerve to look impressed at being uncovered and caught red-handed.

“Oh my fucking God, it was you! You sick pervert!” You jumped out of his grip, your eyes wide and horrified. “I wasn’t aware of what to make of it but of course, it was you! Who else would be sick enough to do that?” You let out a humorless chuckle. You always put things past him even when you keep telling yourself you shouldn’t. When will you ever learn huh?  

You were full on panicking yet again, this man was an assaulter, a stalker and a creep too. It would have made a good dark, psychological thriller for you to watch if you weren’t the protagonist about to suffer his obsession.

He reached out to steady you again, but you whipped and stumbled back, realizing too late that you elbowed Steve’s nose so bad that there was a crunch. That, right there, was the look a man real-fucking-furious on Steve’s face and now you could see the feared mobster, the man who was personally terrorizing you under the beautiful, Greek God façade.

Steve reacted so fast even with an injury that in a split second, your view of his face turned into a view of his crotch.

“You do realize that there are others ways for me to teach you obedience? I think it’s fucking time you show me your gratitude for my care and attention and apologize for your misconduct and unkind response.” Steve spoke with a hoarse voice, a voice running out of patience and just about done with defiance.

His hand fisted your hair, maintaining eye contact while he nodded between you and his crotch. You knew what he wanted, what he was expecting as ‘thanks’.

“Steve, please no, you don’t-”

His other hand grabbed your jaw, stopping you from speaking as he warned, “I think you have done just enough talking for today, so why don’t you put that tongue to a better use and show me how sorry you are. Better make it convincing because I’d hate to pay one of your friends a visit and then bitch about a nasty blowjob.” He smirked at the end of his monologue, eyes shining with triumph and amusement.

You wouldn’t let him harm anyone else, you couldn’t. You and your daughter were already knee-deep in a pit and at this point, it’d just be cruel to drag someone else in. With shaky hands opening his pants, you just hoped you could get Grace out before you eventually were buried in it.

“Now that’s a good girl. Submissive is a sexy look on you.” His hands patted your hair, playing with your tresses while yours pulled his pants and then briefs down.

His member jerked out, almost slapping you in the face as you recoiled at his insolence to get hard and erect at your torment. Your disdain must have shown which he took as admiration and derision to take his affluent cock in.

“No need to get shy, I have faith you’ll be able take it just as well in your pretty pussy as you will right now. Open up-”

“Steve, I beg you-”

Just as you had cut him off, he interrupted your pleading. Your gag reflex was probably the most efficient in the world but that turned this narcissist on. It had been years since you had done it, never with a man as beefy as Steve.

His taste was salty and if you had to put it into better words, it was the like overpriced sea salt flakes that you never bought. High and pricey and for the entitled.

Your hands clutched at his thighs as you blacked out multiple times; your jaw aching, uvula swaying and tears escaping. Him forcing himself on you brough a new sense of vulnerability as your body trembled. Steve relished like a sadist, practically rutting into you all by himself as you just sat there with your jaw unnaturally open.

His obscene moans and groans were crass and nauseating and you just prayed for this to be over soon and for no one to walk in on this, especially your kid.

It seemed like it would never end, your body dehydrating with all the spit it produced, the drool dribbling and landing just beside your knees on your printed rug. You would have to throw that out.

The tears stooped after some point, the sobbing an unnecessary action that just tired you out more on this eventful day. You moved your tongue around to prevent your teeth from scratching him when he shifted angles. If this was what he did on slightly mad, you didn’t want to find what he did for a more serious punishment.

Apparently, that action was something that turned him on even more, his breath hitching as neared closure. In broken whispers he demanded that again and you complied, wanting to get done with it.

He growled in the moment of his release and you tried to lean back but his grip didn’t relent. “Swallow.” His grainy, exasperated voice said out loud and you knew better than to defy.

He released you and you fell on to the rug, hip bruising by knocking into some furniture and tears coming back again after being hydrated by his seed. He packed himself, his smile smug and content as his expressions truly resembled ecstasy being personified.

“You be a good fiancée from now on and maybe you’ll have all your friends alive and present at our wedding. No cheeky business from now on, got it?” Steve hummed then and strutted out, not even bothering to listen to your reply.

As soon as the door slammed, your eyes closed and your demons danced again.

There was no right direction to take when you were stuck in a loop.  

[ladyofthenoodle]

It's rich coming from the same people who like to scream Marinette is a Mary Sue, zero flaws, absolutely no character or depth to her other than having a crush on Adrien when they praise Luka's character as if he ever had anything to him. Boys can be one dimensional simps, but the fandom draws line at a gIrL being head over heels for a reason and FOR A REASON. He had no right to say, "it made me love her more" considering that he did nothing to help her.😤

i’m convinced these people haven’t actually watched this show since season 2 when luka was introduced. they saw the world’s blandest unwashed white boy, consumed an enormous amount of lukanette fanfic that demonized adrien and also shamed marinette for her feelings on adrien. because if you look closely at any adrien salty lukanette shippers, you’ll find they hate canon marinette just as much as they hate adrien, and decided to use her character design as a blank template to write in a trophy girlfriend for saint luka. if they’re still watching canon it’s clear they don’t care about it and actively reject canon characterization in favor of the one they’ve made up, so of course their interpretations are contradictory to what’s on the show.

and before anyone gets their panties in a twist about this, please reread and see that i specified that i’m talking about the salties (as anon asked), don’t go vaguepost acting like i’m saying this about anyone who likes luka and/or lukanette because i very much did not say that.

[forrest-of-hearts]

Shinsou as a boyfriend headcanon's

♡you're in class 1a and at first he absolutely DESPISED you♡

♡started to warm up to you during his training with aizawa♡

♡you also training with aizawa♡

♡him taking forever to realize his feelings mans isn't the best with emotions♡

♡him confessing right before he transfers into class 1a♡

♡you start dating♡

♡staying up together until 5am and waking up at 6am to train♡

♡cat cafe dates♡

♡you being bestfriends with mina, sero, denki, kirishima, and bakugou even tho bakugou won't admit it♡

♡shinsou getting in daily roast battles with bakugo♡

♡you having to keep them from murdering each other♡

♡chugging monster on the roof of the dorms at 3am♡

♡calling each other dumb pet names like "dumbass, gremlin, sleep deprived hoe, the dumbest person alive💖" just to name a few♡

♡taking depression naps together♡

♡if you have dark humor, him living for it♡

♡him living for your humor in general...even if you laugh at that video of a piece of bread falling over he still loves it♡ totally not me

♡ if you wear platforms he worries over you walking down stairs and shit♡

♡making spotify playlists for each other♡

♡watching spongebob together for no reason♡

♡him being insecure about his quirk and you reassuring him♡

♡you being insecure about your body and him absolutely hyping you up♡

♡helping each other study♡

♡you reading fanfic you love to him♡

♡him meowing at you randomly♡

♡joining when you bark at creepy men♡

♡him copying your voice with his mask to freak people out♡

♡you both run an aizawa stan Twitter account♡

♡trolling endevor and other shitty heroes on Twitter♡

♡pulling the dumbest pranks on bakugo together♡

♡running away from bakugou so you don't lose your lives♡

♡making fun of each other constantly♡

♡if you have social anxiety he helps as much as he can♡

♡spontaneous dates♡

♡having to finish each other's memes♡

♡screaming "this bitch empty" and him screaming back "YEET" and then throwing an empty plastic water bottle and bakugou♡

♡ he loves to play with your hair♡

♡ you never beat him in uno♡

♡him never beating you in monopoly♡

♡ getting into whisper wars because you have a yelling trigger♡

♡throwing disposable empty coffee cups at bakugou and making a game out of it♡

♡ watching anime together♡

♡buying each other lunch♡

♡you biting him at random times♡

♡saying "I love you" five months into the relationship♡

♡you said it first♡

♡making a endeavor hate account on all social media♡

♡shoto finds it and all three of you end up being bestfriends♡

♡stealing Endeavour's credit card♡

♡buying random shit and sending it to your classmate's after stealing said credit card♡

♡ Iida hating that you and shinsou will display enormous amounts of pda to annoy him♡

♡pulling pranks on the teacher's♡

♡the teacher's never realize it's you two♡

♡KING of cuddles♡

♡ loves when you spoon♡

♡also loves it when you lay on his chest♡

♡pissing off aizawa♡

♡him loving to lay his head between your thighs♡

♡him loving your quirk no matter what it is♡

♡you telling him he has permission to use his quirk on you whenever he wants♡

♡ him always asking if it's ok to do something before he does it. Example: "can I hold your hand?"♡

♡making bakugou gag when you do lovey dovey shit around him♡

jkdjkjdk if you read this thank you so much. This is my first time writing a fanfiction of sorts so sorry if it sucks lmao.

[harrydracobang]

Harry/Draco Big Bang Fic & Art: A Sense of Scale (Mature)

Title: A Sense of Scale Author: @fantalf Artist(s): @dragontamerdame Pairing(s): Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, background original pairing Other Key Characters: Original Male & Female Characters, brief Neville Longbottom and Narcissa Malfoy appearances, mentions to other canon characters Rating: Mature Word Count: ~70,000 Era: Post-Hogwarts, EWE Content/Warnings: POV Draco Malfoy, POV Third Person, Potions Master Draco Malfoy, Flying Instructor Harry Potter, Powerful Harry Potter, Castelobruxo, Magical Theory, ayahuasca, Misunderstandings, Housemates, Recovery, Mutual Pining, Possession, Dark Magic, Brazilian Folklore, Brazilian Folkloric magical creatures, Past Relationship(s), Getting Back Together, Draco Malfoy is a bit of a liar, POC Harry Potter, a bit of angst, wildfire, villainous character, Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Animal Violence, Animal Death, but it's brief, latin america, Indigenous Culture Magic and Gods, a lot of bonding, but not between humans, Tattooed Harry Potter, Implied Sexual Content, Neville Longbottom & Draco Malfoy Friendship, Supportive Narcissa Black Malfoy, seriously though I don't claim this story makes a whole lot deal of sense, Draco has an obscene amount of nicknames for Harry, he's also so oblivious, but get mad at him not me, a very stubborn sentient school, and a temperamental parrot, don't kill me for this, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Self-Worth Issues, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Entheogenic/psychedelic substance use (brief), Parselmouths & Parseltongue (Harry Potter), Familiars, Draco Malfoy Has Long Hair Summary: Potter merely shrugged, as if it was nothing. After all, it wasn’t his life’s work. “You can try to win it over.”

Draco snapped, “What?!”

“The school. Win it over.”

“How the fuck do I win a school over, Potter?! It’s a bloody school, not a person!” And he didn’t win people over that easily, overall.

“I don’t know. Use your charms. I know you to be very inventive.”

——

In which Draco spends an obscene amount of time thinking of new nicknames for The Living Git, lying to himself and using his charms to seduce an extremely uncooperative sentient school.

Author’s Notes: Somehow, when I joined the fandom back in January, my brain decided that BB was a great(!) fest to start writing fanfic. Boy, was I crazy. I clearly didn’t know better. I still don’t know what I’m doing half of the time, but I regret nothing.

So, let’s do it!

The name of the story and the quotes on the beginning of each part are from a poem called Detail of the Woods, by Richard Siken.

This is a crazy story that has no business making sense 100% of the time. That being said, there are some sentences in Portuguese throughout the fic. It’s totally understandable from the context and not knowing them won’t jeopardise your experience. But, if you’re really eager to know a bit of Portuguese, I left the translations on the endnotes of each chapter. There’s also I really long ending note—you’re free to ignore—about some history JK ignored when building Castelobruxo.

For this story, I researched a lot, and among my resources are the books Geografia dos Mitos Brasileiros by Luis da Camara Cascudo (Brazilian Myths’ Geography), and Lendas Indígenas (Indigenous Tales) by Iray Galrão; the YouTube channels of Felippe Barbosa and Ler Até Amanhecer (Read Until Dawn). The Moriaetem Potion is inspired by a real potion. I don’t intend to offend anyone, and I won’t claim to try to bring awareness about the question, because this story is purely for fun, but this is a genuine issue that has repercussions to this day.

SoS (pun intended) is totally self-indulgent and was born of my indignation with JK for what she’s done to this school. I wanted to make it right by writing something both fun and respectful about my culture, and though it might sound too insane at times, I love it and I hope you’ll also enjoy it.

BIG, incredible, enormous thank you to the following people: Chay, you’re one of the best best friends I could’ve wished for, thank you for putting up with my crazy ideas and encouraging me not to give them up. Tai, you’ve become a dear friend and your excitement and encouragement about this story kept me going (not only one of the OCs is named after you, but the story is also a gift for you). Crazybutgood… What can I say beyond thank you for being such an angel and such an important part of my life? You’re the best. Em and Spaceboundwitch, your eagerness and enthusiasm about SoS was contagious and made me cry. Thank you so much for all your work, guys.

Last, but not least, how can I not mention how perfect Ash’s been throughout this process? You’re the best artist I could’ve hoped for and I’m confident this was the perfect match. You captured so well the essence of my story and its characters and their differences, and I can’t thank you enough for that. Also, thank you mods for your work and for making this match happening. You can find their brilliant illustrations on chapters 11 and 15.

Disclaimer that the only characters I own here are Francisca, Fernanda, José, Berê, Lua, Tainara, Rudá, some school staff I don't remember the names and the animals. Unfortunately.

There's a playlist with the song on Chapter 8 and other songs I think fits the story's mood. You can find it HERE

No beings were harmed in the making of this story.

Without further ado… Enjoy.

Artist’s Notes: It’s been such a delight getting to have access to and illustrate Lory’s (wonderful, magical, brilliant, imaginative, fascinating) story. And for that, I have to give a big shout-out to the mods for being lovely and pairing me with the fic summary of my dreams. The scenes that I have illustrated sparked my imagination and creativity so much, although I felt the urge to sketch practically every scene as I went on to read the whole story. I hope my illustrations bring to life the tenderness and intimacy between Harry and Draco in the first scene, and the intensity and power of the magic in second scene. Please enjoy this wonderful fic!

READ AND VIEW ON AO3

[actualbird]

hello hi!!! first of all i must say i'm eternally grateful for stumbling upon your fics on ao3 in my early days of playing ToT (less than a month i guess, too lazy to check rn haha), this was such a blessing, i mean, your writing is outstanding, to me you're a type of writer every fandom needs - keen in observing the characters and putting them to life, giving them additional depth with such skill. whew. anyway you're a blessing.

secondly i was scrolling through your blog here reading all i could abt marius because yeah, he's my #1 boy. lately i've been struggling with my perception of myself gender-related, not gonna go into detail bc it's not that important, anyways a lot of self-doubt and answers i can't find. but then. your posts about marius, the mc and your thoughts on their gender and behaviour, ways of expressing themselves, etc etc. and it had helped me enormously, you know. i tried many pronouns, names, ways of expressing myself, nothing clicked as right until i've read your posts about how both of them wouldn't care too much and just go as they are, i mean, i don't exactly remember the actual quote but you wrote how marius asked the mc if she's okay with him calling her she and miss and if she'd prefer any other pronouns, and she said nah i'm ok with miss still. and then i was like oh god wow, this exactly. i mean i don't HAVE to pick any specific pronouns or change my clothing style or start or stop putting more or less makeup on (im feminine afab and to put it shortly i'm ok with any look, gnc or not lol) it's just like that! that simple. so i'm forever grateful for this revelation, for the fact that i started playing this game and eventually found you. ty 💜 (also i'm sorry for my words choosing and whatever, english is my second language and i don't care much about grammar or sounding properly lol, and maybe if my message was too personal and i've dumped a lot of unneeded things on you. i'm sorry in advance for that also, you can ignore this mess of a message haha)

hello, anon!!

first off, no need to ever apologize for english trouble bc mood.

second off, thank you so much for your kind words on my writing :(((

and third off, i'd like to preface this response by giving a meme thats basically how i looked like as i read this ask

no frigging joke. tears in my eyes. ive been having a bad day today and a bad night yesterday, in regards to my writing so reading this just....it means a lot to me.

im so so honored that my works helped you figure out this part of yourself. truly and absolutely, your gender and expression of it doesnt need a strict label or rules if you dont want that. it's anything you want it to be, whatever makes you feel most like yourself. since i wrote those hcs, ive got the right to tell u marius and mc are so so happy for you. and i am too.

im just.....very very positively baffled to receive this ask at all. emphasis on positive. like i said earlier, ive been having a bad time irt how i feel about my writing kdsjbfsjg. most of it boiled down to the fact that not only is everything i make just like, not good writing, but also that it's useless and amounts to nothing.

and then i get this ask.

and it's not the first one of its kind ive received.

off the top of my head, ive received a dm from somebody telling me that my fanfiction years ago had inspired them to pursue writing in college and they were just accepted for a masters degree in creative writing. ive gotten a comment on a fanfic that said the story gave them the courage to confess to their crush and them and that other person have been together ever since. ive gotten asks like this telling me that my works helped them feel seen irt to gender, mental illness, or just like...being a person.

theres no way i can prove all these things happened in real life. ive got the messages and comments archived in chat histories or on this blog or on my ao3 comments, but these are words online, and stories can always be made up.

but if they are true then...huh.

it makes me feel honored.

im probably never going to get to the point where i'll see myself as a good person or where i stop doubting what i create, but if what i make can result in things like this, then man, what i think doesnt fucking matter. im not good but what i make can maybe, just maybe, result in good.

all this i ramblingly type to say thank you. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for telling me this.

i hope you have a wonderful day and a kind new year ahead of you, anon :')

[sith-shenanigans]

🌝 (for the meme!)

I’m thinking about Jedi emotions now and will dump a pile of them in your lap like a horrible cat!

🌝 - Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

[…] On the other side, I really want to write Orgus. I just… haven’t really gotten Discontent properly started yet. I want to write a lot of Jedi I haven’t gotten to, honestly. I have so many Jedi emotions that I usually keep hidden behind my back. They’re just—they’re trying to do good. They’re in a horribly flawed galaxy and they’re trying to do good, and sometimes they fail, and sometimes they completely screw up, and sometimes they have been made part of terrible things of their own, and yet the attempt to do good keeps mattering anyway.

……and on the consular side, I have technically written one (1) full chapter of Velnira, but also I want to write so much more about her and her story is all about this and I am going to vibrate with the desire to spill out everything. But. Uh. Not doing that! Or else we will hear about Belsavis forever and that would not be good.

The consular companions are also wonderful, though! I especially have plans for improving a couple of them:

- I have been fixing Qyzen’s arc in my head and am excited to do things like not have the “devotee of a ~primitive~ religion fixates on outsider” trope. (It’s more “sort-of-unwilling-heretic goes into voluntary exile to look for a diplomat, because he needs one in order to do what his god called him to do and he is very much not suited to it.” She’s not the unknowing prophet of his god. She’s the person who will speak his truth—the Herald of the vision that the Scorekeeper sent to him.)

- Tharan Cedrax is actually an interesting character if you ban him from sexist writing and glitchy flirting scenes. He’s an egomaniac, vaguely amoral scientist who keeps befriending just an astonishing number of Jedi. He rescued a programmed Sexy Hologram Girl and started her on the path to becoming one of the few true AIs in the galaxy. And he hates mind tricks; he cannot stand any sort of overriding of free will. Except when it’s his friend Duras Fain doing it. Then he just makes a face and deals with it, as always, because he actually has a lot of morals but no moral backbone. And then he meets Velnira, who has a lot of morals and an enormous amount of moral backbone, and he goes with her, because he’s spent his life taking the easy way out more often than not, and—Void alive, he can’t keep doing that. Not forever. It will kill him if he does.

And I have plans for Zenith too, but they’re secret, because it is 6 am and my sleep medication is cutting in. Good night, internet friends, I will menace you again at some undefined later point!

[fanfic asks]

[foxofninetales]

Get to know me

Thank you @xcziel for the tag!  I think I already did part 2, so I’m just going to do part 1.  :)

name: Like @xcziel I am an online old and try to keep my real name out of things.  In fact, I’ll take it one step further and say that this is a separate pseudonym created to keep my fanfic writing separate from my usual online presence (since that one’s been around long enough that people could find enough clues to track me down if they really wanted). But you can call me Fox!

pronouns: she/her, but honestly, use whatever you like, it’ll be a novelty.

star sign: Libra.  I don’t really do the horoscope thing, but I can always remember that because it sounds like the start of “library”!

height: 5′10″ (I look shorter because I slump TERRIBLY)

time: ...daylight savings?

birthday: Eh, “Libra” is close enough

nationality: American

fave bands/groups/solo artists: I had to think about this, because I’m honestly not much of a music person, so I’m going to answer this with some albums I can think of (not individual songs) I have actually bought with my own money: wayyyy too much Gilbert and Sullivan, various Big Band era and 1920s novelty song collections, the Muppet Treasure Island soundtrack, Petula Clark, and far, far too many Christmas music CDs (mostly classics and carols).  You will notice that what these have in common is that I can listen to the songs enough to absorb them and then SING THEM INCESSANTLY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, R.I.P. to those around me.

song stuck in your head: None currently, but “Oh Danny Boy” always resides at the tip of my tongue because one of my cats’ names fits the meter beautifully so I tend to sing it at him a lot.

last movie you watched: It’s been so long I can’t remember!  I honestly don’t watch movies all that much - I watch a lot more TV shows.

last show you binged: I’m going to say “binged” means “watched obsessively” rather than just “watched”, so it was probably “The Tiger and the Rose”.  Also, I do this weird thing where I want to Feel An Emotion and I find a show that pushes that emotional button and binge it until I have Felt The Emotion in sufficient quantities and then drop the show dead, so I have SO MANY half-watched shows in my watch history.

when you created your blog: This particular blog was created in... January 2021, I think?  But I’ve been blogging online since 2000.

the last thing you googled: Tencent!  Trying to figure out how to get access to that new Liu Sang movie.  :)

other blogs: I’ve had a scattering of other tumblrs over the years, and I’ve had a livejournal/dreamwidth account since 2000 under my usual alias.

why i chose my url: I was looking for something involving writing, and then I thought of “tales”, and then I thought about “cat of nine tails” and then I though about nine-tailed foxes, so this username is basically three puns in one for maximum efficiency.

how many people are you following: 56.  There are also a few very prolific rebloggers I just bookmark and visit on their own because it makes me unhappy if I can’t scroll all the way down to the “You’re caught up!” in the amount of time I have with my morning tea.

how many followers do you have: 89

average hours of sleep: usually 7 to 8

lucky numbers: ...none? 

instruments: None.  I took enough piano as a child that I can read music but that’s all I can say for it.

what i'm currently wearing: I’m still in my work clothes, so big blue dangly/sparkly earrings, a blue stretchy top and an enormous blue and white scarf wrapped and pinned as a skirt.  The top is leftover from an old TARDIS costume that got incorporated into my everyday wardrobe, and the scarf is one I liberated from the lost and found at work after it went unclaimed for three months, if that makes it any more interesting?

dream job: A while ago there was one of those big English aristocracy country estates advertising for a live-in hermit to sulk mystically in a grotto and glare at tourists.  I am still regretful that I missed that opportunity.

dream trip: Impossible to decide, but it would definitely be focused around something archaeological, like the clay soldiers or something.  If I could go back in time, I would love to visit my great-grandmother’s house one more time.

fave food: I just really, really love starch, okay?  Bread, noodles, potatoes, CAKE.  So much cake.

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: Probably something from a picture book.  Like a little cozy Beatrix Potter animal or something. Or maybe the world of Patricia C. Wrede’s “Enchanted Forest Chronicles”, I think that one could be fun. 

No-obligation-tagging @wirwerdensiegen, @s1utspeare, @merinnan, @xantissa, @kholran  :)

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

I guess the thing about the Loki show, and the whole reason I’m feeling equal parts excitement and something very much akin to terror, is like... [cut for length, not spoilers, because there are no spoilers in this post, just me trying to talk about something that might very well be kind of silly to begin with, I don’t know--and it’s also not actually negativity about the show, just me being worried about things and trying to work out what I’m afraid of, so there’s that too]

look, I love this character. I love this character a lot, probably more than any other character ever. I’m not sure if it would be totally accurate to say Loki’s my special interest, but it’s also...not inaccurate, you know? he’s has been my favorite character for about a decade, for a lot of mostly very personal reasons, and in that time I’ve assembled a pretty massive collection of Loki stuff, met a lot of wonderful people, found stunning fanart, and read an enormous amount of mostly incredible fanfic--but more importantly I’ve written a lot of fanfic, way more than what I’ve actually finished and posted. all that creative work is hugely important to me for a lot of different reasons, and it’s all heavily dependent on an understanding of Loki’s characterization that I’ve developed over--again--almost an entire decade of films, fic, meta, discussions with other fans, and a lot of just...thought and time and caring. I’ve put an enormous amount of myself into my attachment to this character, to be perfectly honest, nearly as much as if I’d created him from scratch myself.

and the thing is, I guess, I’m afraid to lose that. because my emotional investment into all of this is mine, and so it matters to me.

I don’t think it’s...particularly likely that the show will, say, so heavily retcon Loki’s characterization that it retroactively ruins everything for me and I can’t bring myself to return to my many, many WIPs (which would also mean I would stop writing almost entirely, at least for a while, because Loki fic is virtually all I write), or even that it’ll show me a Loki I still like but who is so different from the concept of the character I’ve built up that I just feel stupid about...everything, to much the same effect. for starters the other films will all still be there, with everything that built my concept of Loki’s character, and I have issues with automatically assuming I must be wrong if someone else has a strong opinion that contradicts mine but I also think it’s completely possible for people to arrive at multiple, equally valid interpretations of a text by engaging with it in good faith.

more likely is that I’ll be bummed if the show doesn’t hit on some things I really want and disappointed the more it pursues stuff I actively don’t want, but chances are very good I’ll end up liking most of it. might well even get inspired, by the show itself or by the fan response (as long as I can avoid most of the discourse, I guess). I will, probably, find ways to reconcile things I don’t like with existing canon and my almost-decade-long understanding of Loki’s character. I probably won’t lose a character that means a lot to me, and the show probably won’t be a reason to lose friends I’ve made through the fandom.

but. well. it’s not super fun knowing that it’s possible, you know?

I mean, shit, anything’s possible, I could die in a car accident two days from now on my way to the grocery store or something. but I could also lose something intangible that means a lot to me, and that’s an upsetting possibility.

anyway. I could make a disclaimer here about how this is probably all very silly and I’m putting way too much emotional investment into a dumb superhero canon, except that would also go against a lot of things I firmly believe about how much stories matter as a general principle and a universally human experience, and also I'm trying to stop feeling guilty/ashamed about completely harmless stuff, so I’m...going to try not to do that any more than I already have, and I’m going to go to bed and tomorrow I’ll get a much better idea of, I don’t know, where things stand.

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Unexpected Rest

Kaito’s attention remained firm fixed on the readouts in front of him. He could hear Chris moving around behind him, but none of the noises made indicated Chris was trying to talk to him about their current project. Therefore, Kaito shelved it on the back of his mind, and tried to figure out where the program was going wrong.

That lasted right up until Chris rested long, warm fingers on his shoulder, and then leaned down to press his lips on top of Kaito’s head. Kaito stood motionless for a heartbeat, trying to process this.

It wasn’t even close to the first time they’d kissed once another. That had gotten started back when they worked on getting the first machine that wound up transporting Yuuma to Astral World going. But Chris very rarely did spontaneous demonstrations of affections.

He turned to look at Chris, but before he could say another word, the taller man leaned down and touched their lips together again. Kaito wanted to point out that they were trying to get this device going; something that could take a large number of people to Astral World without requiring the enormous amounts of power that the original machine did. This was science, not – not -

Chris was a really good kisser, Kaito admitted, starting to lean back into the kiss. He got a very good grip on Chris’s shoulders himself and held on tight as he pushed closer. If Chris wanted to combat him like this, then Kaito was more than up to the task.

Gentle hands ruffled their way through Kaito’s hair, and he wasted no time burying his own in Chris’s hair. He’d always loved that hair – so soft and so bright, and sometimes he wanted to tell Chris to tie it up just so he would have the chance to take it down and brush it out for him.

Kaito wasn’t at all sure of how long they stood there like that. Perhaps, he wondered vaguely, it didn’t matter. If the computer started a warning beep then they would have to break apart. But until then, Kaito thought they could stay like this.

Chris’s lips moved away from his own. Kaito didn’t have the chance to protest, not when they next brushed against the side of his throat. The noise that he made could only be described as pure want. Chris chuckled softly, warm eyes as bright as galaxies gazing into his own.

“What-” Kaito wasn’t sure of where he was going with the question. Chris didn’t often get like this, but those few times where he did – well, it tended to be memorable.

Chris shook his head. “We have time. We already know what we need – a power source that we don’t have right now.” Again his hands brushed through Kaito’s hair, then one fit against the side of Kaito’s face. “I think we can talk to Durbe about what the Barians might be able to do to help – but that can be later.”

Kaito hated to admit they needed to look anywhere but the two of them for help, but he knew that Chris was more than likely right. He’d hoped that the scans would reveal something else, perhaps an error in the coding somewhere. But that wasn’t the reason and he knew it.

He leaned up and kissed Chris again. Part of him hated the height difference between the two of them. At least it wasn't as horrible as it could have been. He caught hold of Chris’ hair, keeping a gentle grip, and pulled it close around the two of them, holding them in a soft silver curtain.

“Did you want to stay in here?” Kaito murmured. Here in the control room might be suitable for a few stolen kisses. But for anything more, there was a vast dearth of anything comfortable. The chairs certainly wouldn’t do – not that they hadn’t tried. Both of them were scientists. Experiments were what they did.

Chris looked thoughtful for a few seconds. He glanced towards the readings Kaito had been looking at earlier, then back to him. “Have Orbital 7 keep an eye on things. If anything turns up we need to check, he can let us know.”

Kaito nodded, stepping away long enough to get Orbital 7’s attention. His robot was in long-distance contact with Yuuma’s housebot Obomi – Kaito wondered if he would have to invent offspring for them sooner or later. That might be an interesting side project.

“Yes, Kaito-sama!” Orbital saluted quickly and rolled over to the center of the control room. He didn’t have to in order to watch the readouts but it made him at least look as if he were more focused.

Kaito didn’t care right now, though. He trusted Orbital to get the job done correctly, and once they had the chance to talk to Durbe and the other Barians, they could finish the project. But Chris wasn’t wrong. They couldn’t get anything done if they worked without rest, and Chris very clearly had some ideas in mind about resting together.

They had separate rooms here, though said rooms were merely the length of a hallway apart. Kaito had his decorated with pictures of Haruto and his favorite cards; Chris had his decorated with imagery of the stars. Kaito didn’t know which one he preferred, and he didn’t think it mattered. Both had their good points.

Today’s room of choice was Chris’s room. Kaito had asked once if Chris just didn’t like the idea of Haruto “watching” them. Chris hadn’t said anything in answer. Kaito suspected that was a yes.

Truth to tell, he wouldn’t have wanted it either. He liked being in his room when he called Haruto. Chris’s room was more suitable for their intimate activities – as long as one of his brothers didn’t call. Again.

Thomas wasn’t ever going to let them live down that one time he had called while they were busy.

Tonight, no interruptions. Nothing but each other. All night long.

To Be Continued

Notes: This is also written for SilvorMoon. Also, I am sovery late with this entry for the anniversary week. Oops?