#and banana fish has been keeping me sad too but in a good way

[cherishsscene]

I’m literally barely keeping afloat with all of the stuff school keeps piling onto me. The only drugs I’m consuming to keep me sane are called Heaven Official’s Blessing, Banana Fish, Sk8 the Infinity, and Beastars

[gatoraid]

Random, but can I ask why do you love Yut Lung? What made him special? Is there a certain moment in Banana Fish where you know, this will be my favorite character?

P.s I can't believe the mangaka end Yut Lung just like that in the later manga. Are you surprised, too?

This is the perfect ask, YES you can ask me why I love my fave character. <3 This has been sitting in my drafts for a while but since the jp fandom is currently drawing a lot of Yut Lung fanart for the Mid-Autumn Festival, I feel like it's a good time to try answer this.

Yut Lung as a character is just endlessly fascinating to me. He’s the bitchy antagonist, the foil and twisted mirror image of Ash and to a lesser extent Eiji too. He has such delicious relationships with so many of the characters in the story, he's THE fandom bicycle to me.

I love how Yut Lung is full of contradictions. He’s an evil mastermind and seductress pulling at the strings, but he’s also a traumatized 16-year-old kid who misses his mother. He uses his femininity and beauty as a weapon and never fails to bring a fashion moment when going out, yet at home he only ever wears ugly grandpa sweaters.

One of the reasons why I enjoy reading about him so much is that he’s not really a good person. He’s petty and jealous. He’s been having a bad time his whole life and he wants to make it your problem too. Yet at the same time, you see how torn he feels about Shorter's death, how he just wants acceptance and for someone to take care of him. Idk, something about him showing his ugly sides and still being someone who clearly would deserve love and healing just feels so cathartic to me.

And let's not even get started on the gender stuff. I tend to latch on to characters with atypical gender expressions, and Yut Lung is explicitly referred to and viewed as feminine by other characters in the story. Is he someone who's learned to use his perceived femininity to his advantage (the ppl who have compared him to the main character of M Butterfly are so smart), or is this how he actually wants to present? Maybe both? In any case, this aspect of his character has also made him very dear to me.

Also, I actually do know the exact moment I realized Yut Lung would become my fave:

Soo yeah, despite being a fan of the manga for years, it was the anime adaptation that made his character really pop for me. Maybe it was just the right timing for me to vibe with his particular story, or maybe the fact that the anime staff clearly loved him made him stand out even more? His updated character design is just so good! Obviously I love his manga and anime versions equally now, the anime was just the catalyst.

You also asked about Yut Lung's story arc in Yasha. I'm putting the rest after a cut bc of spoilers.

I haven't read Yasha myself, but I've read enough fic and other reports to know the basics of how Yut Lung's life ends in that story. I'm very sad since I just wanted him to keep on living, taking reponsibility for the shitty things he has done. But idk if I can say I'm surprised. Unlike the anime staff, I think it's pretty clear that Akimi Yoshida did not love Yut Lung at all. I feel like she disliked him quite a bit actually, so writing an ending like that for him makes sense in a way sobbbb.

[vitos-ordination-song]

Ash as a human being simply isn’t ready for any kind of adult romantic relationship and he never got to the point where he was ready for one before he died and that’s another one of the tragedies of his life. It’s also why I find debating his sexuality to be pointless and insulting.

Ash gets attached to Eiji for many reasons. One of them is that he transfers feelings for other people he loses to Eiji: Griffin, Skip, Shorter. Eiji is the one who survives and is there for Ash to protect. He obviously identifies innocence with Eiji, perhaps even his own younger self (that plays out on a narrative level anyway). He sees in Eiji, “a normal life.” Not for himself, Ash can never quite believe that, but that it’s possible. That it could have been possible for himself. He has to keep Eiji safe at all costs to preserve that.

Eiji is also a refuge for him; the only person he can really truly let his guard down with. Who he can admit his feelings to. Who he can be comforted and soothed by. Relax with. I noticed watching the anime how much Ash broods over a sleeping Eiji—Ash basically never gets a full night’s sleep for the entirety of the story, clearly has a sleep disorder, but he wants Eiji to sleep as deeply and calmly as possible.

He has no desire to inflict his own plight on Eiji, unlike someone like Yut-Lung. Ash does at times feel misunderstood by Eiji or annoyed at his naivety, but he’s often remarkably kind and understanding to Eiji. When he isn’t, they usually work it out quickly, or else Eiji understands without being told.

Understanding and mutual care are the core of the Ash/Eiji relationship. Although this is a strong bond between boys, after having read the entire thing and thought about it, I wouldn’t call it a romantic relationship and I don’t want it to be one. I feel as though this was the best choice for the story. If I want BL I’ll go read one—they’re not hard to find.

The thing is too, and I feel like Yoshida got this, it’s not that Ash/Eiji couldn’t have been more of a romance. It’s that it wasn’t what Ash needed. Eiji was written, in the words of ppl who worked on BF, to be a “healing” character. He is highly empathetic. He feels the feelings that Ash himself is cut off from; I was struck by the scene in volume 2 where Eiji cries and says he couldn’t try to get information out of Ash for the police. Eiji felt Ash’s feelings intensely and expresses them openly. Ash can’t afford to do that. Although Eiji is Ash’s weakness in one way, he’s also exactly what Ash needs to find peace as a person. Eiji provides the unconditional love he never felt in childhood. Ash has been repeatedly dehumanized, misunderstood, mistreated, cast as a villain, victim blamed, you name it, and Eiji doesn’t do any of that, he sees Ash as someone who was wounded and deserves care. He sees the goodness in Ash. All of this is beautiful but it’s not yet the material for a romantic relationship.

It reminds me of Utena/Anthy in the show. Both of them are far away from being able to have an adult partnership. It’s important because really they’re connecting as children. They’re working through their wounds, their tendency to hide from the world. It takes a reboot for them to be ready for the real thing. I don’t know if I want to see an Adolescence style reboot of Banana Fish where Ash/Eiji start making out and end up together. Like Yoshida, maybe that feels wrong to me. Because that kind of relationship is lost to Ash… that’s part of the sadness. Yoshida ended the final volume of BF with a picture of Ash and Eiji in bed together, shirtless, but they never shared a bed in the manga itself. She could have played into more touchy BL tropes. It’s not like she’s afraid to write gays—she’s done it throughout her career. On the one hand, I feel as though Ash/Eiji staying platonic makes it beautiful, a connection of the soul, a desire to heal someone’s deep wounds. It’s where Ash can grieve his inner child. But he never gets to take that step into adulthood. It’s something he could have had, but didn’t.

[neonscandal]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

OMG! I feel like I'm about to reveal way too much of myself here but your question is greatly appreciated. I had to take a minute to really think about this as I forgot every bit of media I’ve ever consumed so I mostly focused on recently consumed media that I could recall in a panic. I'm sure as soon as I post I'll be like "damn, I forgot about X!"

Heaven Albright - Stupid & Contagious by Caprice Crane

This book was so funny to me when I was younger I literally handed out copies of it. Looking back, it’s probably because I immediately identified with her penchant to overthink a situation but she’s also able to finesse even if it is by the seat of her pants. In fact, she only seems to shine when she’s really trying because otherwise she’s doing one embarrassing thing after another. But when it’s time for her to kick it up, she could be in her head about what she’s doing but make it seem effortless and nonchalant. She can be a little shit when she wants to be but she’s filled with great ideas, if she only had the chance to knock one out of the park. At the beginning, she finds herself perpetually down on her luck but she eventually finds her way along and I loved that for her (even if it is bumpy).

Aslan Jade “Ash Lynx” Callenreese – Banana Fish by Akimi Yoshida (anime only)

I am incredibly fond of Ash and, while I want to read the manga for some semblance of closure, I’m still regularly devastated by the anime so I can’t yet. The man is a survivor. He is the grass that grows through cement sidewalk. He tripped over banana fish and never shied away from the task of tracking it down and stopping it at the source, no matter how large the conspiracy got or how much he lost. My heart feels heavy any time I see a Banana Fish edit or any fanart, even the happy ones. He is tough as nails and yet, as soft as an exposed nerve which is really apparent with Eiji’s introduction. I think it showed how, despite what he’d been through and the face he wore to hide its impact on him, he was still incredibly hopeful that he’d one day be loved and accepted by someone sincerely. (side note: yes, I got sad thinking about this.) He was incredibly brave because he had no other choice.

Satoru Gojo – Jujutsu Kaisen by Gege Akutami (manga and anime)

Gojo deserves more grace than some of the JJK fandom gives him, I swear. The man is deeply traumatized from a very young age and puts on a brave (and puckish) face just to keep moving forward. I don’t love him because he’s overpowered but him being overpowered is part of why I love him. He hails from one of the top three jujutsu families and could be a shitstain like Naoya Zenin but he isn’t and I think that’s part of why so many people misinterpret his character. There was a tweet, since deleted, (I think from @bcllamyy) that asserted that the reason why a lot of people assume Gojo is a douchebag is because they can’t imagine being strong and beautiful and not being a garbage human. Gojo is canonically strong and attractive but is a relatively good person. He takes care to save students in hopeless situations and preserve as much of their youth as he can because he didn’t have that growing up. I’ll concede that this isn’t purely altruistic, he has a clear objective in mind in taking these kids under his wing, but that’s about as much as you can expect from someone who didn’t have a proper childhood himself. His power was both feared and coveted by others and it left him incredibly lonely until he found an equal, the one and only person he could have by his side. It’s the take-it-with-a-smile trauma response for me. Heavy is the head and all. Oddly, this is my comfort character rn so things are not going well.

Levi Ackerman – Attack on Titan by Hajime Isayama (manga and anime)

Levi Ackerman refuses to die because he’d have to go back to hell and, quite frankly, most devils don’t know how to properly clean up after themselves. Levi being picked from the gutter and growing to become Humanity’s Strongest Soldier despite his diminutive size and destitute origins is so ironic. Putting his life on the line and fighting for those that condescend to people from where he came from, he carved out every inch in the path to where he is now. This is a man who does not die and carries the weight of his fallen comrades into every battle. While seemingly cold and angry, he is, in very small gestures, shown to be incredibly compassionate and forlorn. I think he just knows that if he thought about the circumstances of those living within the walls or even of those he’s left behind on the battlefield, that he would find no meaning in trying to escape the walls or get out of bed at all.

Hermione Granger – Harry Potter by She Who Must Not Be Named (novels and movie)

Given the author’s penchant to be a shit-eating TERF, it’s hard to admit that this franchise was such a big part of my childhood. I primarily identified with Hermione and her predilection to be an insufferable know-it-all and her tendency to stick her nose where it didn’t belong. Considering the author, perhaps she intentionally made Hermione’s creation of Society for the Promotion of Elfish Warfare (SPEW) seem so outlandish and mockable in universe... but that’s beside the point. Hermione, regardless of her social standing in the muggle world, came into the wizarding world at a disadvantage and showed everyone her ass as she bested them time and time again. Not only that but, rather than make herself small after being called a “mudblood”, she continued to soar and was loud and proud about advocating for others who were also disadvantaged. She could be the brightest witch Hogwarts had seen and still be unlikable, bushy hair and all. Despite not being of the wizarding world initially, she made a point to be in the know and was voraciously studious, frequently navigating things better than Harry who came into the wizarding world at the same time with a similar level of working knowledge but largely remained clueless. Baby girl had to drag him through the plot and to the point most of the time.

Tina Belcher - Bob's Burgers

Because same. BIG same. Tina is the mood, the vibe, the moment. Add the rest of the Belcher family to this as well tbh. Tina, like the rest of the Belcher family, is unapologetically her. Regardless of whether freaky friend fiction is the way to go, she unabashedly puts herself out there again and again despite her groan inducing anxiety. She knows she's that girl even when navigating the ups and downs of whatever life (or that B Tammy) throws at her.

Katsuki Bakugo – My Hero Academia by Kohei Horikoshi (manga and anime)

I’m not caught up on the manga yet (so close but so far) but Kacchan’s character has a special place in my heart. I think as the reader, we’re meant to be stymied by him as we view the story through Deku’s lens because Deku lacks the comprehension of a non-biased narrator. Understanding this, I came to love (or maybe pity) his character while reading the manga because, when I was an anime only, I found his abrasiveness toward Deku to be incredibly unpalatable (because it is). However, reading through the manga as slowly as I am, I recognize that they’re both emotionally constipated kids being weaponized by some invisible hand while trying to understand and reframe their connection to one another. Literal children grappling with the burden of being heroes and finding it’s not all it’s cracked up to be while self-actualizing under duress. Casual. Bakugo is fierce, prideful, aggressively loud, and largely dislikable. He shoulders public criticism from adults who don’t bother to understand his dysfunction but continues to press on in the right direction because he’s idealized this for so long and wonders if he's, in fact, deserving or good enough. I think what’s captivating about his character in the manga is that he’s presented as a very static character but he’s slowly being exposed as a more dynamic character in tandem with Deku's (power) evolution.

Dean Winchester – Supernatural

There’s something about a closet nerd himbo who calls his vintage car “baby” that speaks to me. Dean Winchester, very much brawn over brain, maintains a doe-eyed innocence and sense of wonder for the things he missed out on while growing up under the “tough love” of John Winchester and I love that dichotomy. You never get the sense that his unconventional lifestyle bothers him or that he feels he lost out on anything but then you see the bravado falter when he allows himself to enjoy something other than the thrill of a one-night stand. The biggest things that come to mind are when he was like a kid in a candy shop in the bunker having found a place to set up roots and him sleeping easy when he was able to settle down with Lisa. Both always struck me as so sad. I think back to the parts of himself that he hid from Sam (like his time in the halfway house) and for the delight he had to find in small comforts like pie. Family was all Dean knew and he grabbed at it desperately and to his own detriment time and time again.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood - Trigun by Yasuhiro Nightow (anime only)

I love the contradiction of Wolfwood's character. He can, for all intents and purposes, be considered a sinning holy man though he does have morals. I have a soft spot for antiheroes (see: love for Wolverine and Deadpool) though I'm not sure Wolfwood cleanly fits into this classification. He is certainly someone who will do "bad" things to satisfy a "good" goal though. For lack of a better word, his innuendos suggest he's led a less than savory life before becoming a man of the cloth and he is clearly fine with toeing the line when someone is watching. But make no mistake, the ends justify the means when he needs to make a game time decision on what to do. There's a reason that cross is a burden to carry and he's just the man to bear it. At the crux of everything, he has a sympathetic heart and this was the first anime that made me cry.

Nobara Kugisaki– Jujutsu Kaisen by Gege Akutami (manga and anime)

This explanation contains a spoiler for the manga so I put her at the bottom in case you wanted to avoid.Nobara is a refreshing departure from the static nature of a shonen tritagonist. For one, she has zero romantic interest in Itadori nor Fushiguro and I don’t see that changing, especially after their initial introductions. She lets them as time progresses but she carries her own weight and isn’t a damsel in distress relegated to do nothing toward her own rescue. She can independently take down a Special Grade curse (and pull off a black flash) while feeling and looking good doing it. Nobara’s femininity is something she’s vocal about, questioning why kicking ass can’t be feminine, and she safeguards it from antiquated notions from the likes of Mai and Momo. Though hailing from the country where her stubborn individuality stuck out like a sore thumb, she’s unabashedly a material girl and so fiercely confident, she dares anyone to look down their nose at her. I can’t imagine we’ve seen the end of her story since she’s such a vivacious character. Maki also deserves to be on this list but I tried to diversify source material. Plus, a lot of what makes her awesome would be an even bigger spoiler if you’re not caught up.

Looking back on this list, there's a distinct theme of main character energy but also a significant lack of diversity. I realized that some of my favorite pieces of media didn't necessarily have a breakout character in my mind, either. This was such a great exercise, thank you for asking! Who are your favorite characters and why, @elaine2895?

[pastel-odette]

Revenge- A Banana Fish Fanfiction

This is a fic written for @emi-joanna. Sorry it took so long, I started work and college this past month. I hope it's as angsty as you requested!

(tws are properly tagged as tw _____)

“Eiji! Hurry up! We’re gonna be late!”

Eiji came rushing out of the house, locking up before making his way to the car. “What took you so long?” Aslan asked. Eiji opened up his satchel to reveal various snacks and sweets. “I had to grab the essentials,” he said with a smile. Aslan chuckled. “You really think we’re gonna need them?” “Yes!! During last year’s shrine visit you whined and whined about being hungry, so this time I thought I’d come prepared.” “How do you even remember that?” “Magic, my love. Now enough questions! Let’s go already!” It had been seven years since the couple had moved to Izumo. The first year had been the toughest. Despite being months out of the hospital, Aslan had still been reeling from the attack from Lao. The realization that even after Dino was dead, even after he thought he was finally free, someone still wanted to kill him had hit him extremely hard. He had felt foolish for thinking he would ever be anything other than what Dino made him. To hunt and be hunted, was that really all there was left for him? He had almost wished he hadn’t survived. He didn’t even understand why he survived in the first place.

The decision to move to Japan with Eiji did not come easy. Almost every part of him was screaming at him to abandon that hope that he could ever have a normal life. The physical distance made it seem more unattainable, too. However, Eiji was persistent. He would text every day, and call as much as he could. He was determined to make sure Aslan saw their original plan to move to Japan through.

Eventually, Aslan caved in. He said goodbye to New York, and started a new life with his soulmate. It wasn’t until he laid in bed that night, Eiji sleeping peacefully next to him, that what he did hit him all at once. An entirely new country with nothing to protect himself with.

For a while, they stayed at the Okumura family house. Eiji’s father was still in the hospital as he learned, so it was just the two of them, Eiji’s mother, and his sister. He felt surprisingly welcomed, like he was truly part of the family. It was strange to him to meet people so truly kind and hospitable upon first meeting. It wasn’t long until it started to feel like home.

But it still didn’t feel safe. He would lay awake at night, Eiji beside him, terrified of every little noise he heard. On the rare occasions where he did sleep, he would have terrible nightmares, and when he would jolt awake he would reach for a gun that wasn’t there.

The Okumuras noticed how fidgety and cautious he was. So, they installed a security system in their house. They did everything, big and small, to help him adjust to this new life. When Aslan and Eiji moved out into their own house, they took a lot of these things with them. The security system, the protective charms, the little statues of gods that could protect them. It stunned Aslan how… good he felt to be living this life.

Izumo is where Aslan had found peace and happiness. “We’re here,” Aslan said.

They made their way through the rows of trees together, surrounded by other people also dressed for the chilly weather. Some wore their traditional kimonos, some wore more casual winter clothes. As they approached the torii gates they saw a familiar person standing there. “Mari!” Eiji shouted as he waved to his sister. She waved back as she walked up and gave them both a tight hug. “How are your studies going?” Aslan asked with a soft smile. “Well, just as tough as last year. But I’m glad to finally be visiting again!” She beamed.

When Aslan moved to Japan, Mari was right there alongside Eiji to greet him. She was thrilled to meet him, and sympathetic when she realized Aslan had lived a much different life than her and her brother. It wasn’t long until she felt like his own sister. When she moved to Tokyo for college, he nearly cried with how proud he was.

“You’re not wearing mom’s kimono this year,” Eiji pointed out.

Usually, Mari would wear a deep blue kimono with a stunningly complex design depicting a soaring phoenix and a gold-colored obi. It was passed down through many generations until it was owned by their mother, and now her. Now she was wearing a pale yellow kimono with a much simpler chrysanthemum pattern and pink obi with a chrysanthemum obidome to match. Mari gave a sad smile. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I just didn’t want something so… connected to her anymore. So my friends took me shopping and I found this. Don’t worry though, I didn’t throw away the other one or anything. It’s still in my closet.” “I think it looks good. Suits you,” said Aslan. Eiji nodded his head. This time, Mari beamed.

Being the very first day of the New Year, the temple was crowded with all sorts of people. The chozuya was completely packed, and it took them a few minutes before they were able to purify their hands. Ash always wondered if his hands could ever be truly pure, but he tried not to think about that as he poured the water. It was supposed to be a day of celebration and good luck. He didn’t want his thoughts to ruin that.

Every year, Aslan wished to the gods for protection. Protection from violence, from grief, from assault, from everything that made his life miserable for so long. This year was no different. However, there was something else this year he needed extra luck for. He prayed for that too.

Next, they went to exchange their omamori. Aslan chose the protection charm, as he did every year, and Mari chose the education charm. Usually, Eiji would get the protection charm just as Aslan did. This time he chose the success charm. “What goal do you want to be successful?” Mari asked.

“This year, I’m determined to have my own photo gallery.” It was a goal he had for a while, but this year he was going to have the luck of the gods on his side.

Finally, they needed to pull their o-mikuji.

“I’m a little nervous,” Mari jokes. Most of the time she had negative fortunes. However, this year, she would apparently have a future blessing (and small luck in her romantic relationships). Aslan was given half-blessing with lots of luck in travel. Then it was Eiji’s turn.

“Curse…”

“Well, it could be worse,” Aslan said, “at least you’re not super-mega-cursed.”

Eiji just sighed and folded up the paper.

“You’re not gonna read the rest of it?” “Nah. Not really a point.”

As they left the shrine, Eiji trailed behind and sulked.

Aslan gave Mari a nudge.

“You talk to him, you're the psychology major. I’m no good at this stuff.”

Mari nodded and went to walk beside Eiji.

“Listen, if it’s just a regular curse, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. It’s mostly just little everyday inconveniences. The worst I’ve experienced with just a regular curse is that really bad breakup I had with Yui.” “With who??” “Hush, Aslan, this isn’t about you. Anyways, I don’t think you have anything to really worry about.”

When they get to the parking lot, they have to part ways. Mari made plans to go visit some of her old friends, and Aslan and Eiji had to return home, as they were going to host dinner that night.

When Aslan and Eiji arrived home, they were greeted by a very excitable golden retriever. They had gotten him about a year ago, when he was just a year old, from a local shelter. Even then, he still acted a little bit like a puppy.

“Hey, Bud,” Aslan said as he knelt down to pet Buddy. The dog jumped up to lick his face.

“Should we start dinner now?” Eiji asked as he put down his stuff and made his way to the kitchen.

“You can. Might as well. Just in case someone comes early or something.”

“You can’t just spend all afternoon petting Buddy, you know.” “I know, I know! I’ll help you in a minute.”

Buddy didn’t seem to mind all the extra attention he was getting, though. But eventually, Aslan had to go help his partner.

“Alright, so what’s the plan?” asked Aslan as he put on his apron. He didn’t always help in the kitchen, his skill level was limited to basic survival foods, but over the years he got better and better at it. It felt very domestic, to cook alongside someone.

“How about you start on the datemaki? I’ll make the ramen.”

Aslan nodded, and they both started getting their ingredients. The kitchen was large enough that they could work around each other comfortably, and it wasn’t long until the kitchen started to smell delicious. Buddy noticed this, and trotted over to beg for treats.

“I have nothing for you,” Aslan said. Still, Buddy sat beside him, wagging his tail and giving him an expectant look. Aslan tried to ignore him as he started to whine, focusing on mixing the ingredients together.

“Here, Buddy!” Eiji called the dog, waving a large bone. Buddy instantly jumped up and ran over, wagging his tail furiously. Eiji then gave him the bone, which Buddy took to the living room happily.

“There we go, that’ll keep him occupied,” Eiji smiled. Aslan couldn’t help but smile back.

They continued cooking nonstop into the evening. As time went on, the more dishes they completed, and the more it started to look like a full meal. However, they were still pretty far from done.

Aslan sighed as he stretched. There was enough time to just take a tiny little break, he thought. He leaned against the counter and looked over at Eiji. His partner seemed distracted by something as he stared off into space.

“Hey.”

“Ah!” Eiji jumped, fumbling the bag of flour he was holding before dropping it on the counter.

“Ohhh no!” he exclaimed. Aslan chuckled slightly before helping his partner clean up the mess.

“Looks like your bad luck has officially begun.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Eiji said as he smacked the other with a floured towel. Ash looked down at his arm then back up at Eiji with a smile.

“Really? You wanna start this?” He dipped his thumb in the flour before smudging it across Eiji’s cheek.

“You’re on!”

And that’s how it started, a full-blown flour war.

Nothing was spared. Flour was thrown, smudged, and flew everywhere. The counters, the floor, their clothes, their skin, their hair and skin, all of it was covered in at least a thin layer of flour.

It was stupid, it was childish, they had wasted an entire bag just making everything dirty. But they didn’t care. It was fun. They were having fun and messing around together. At that moment, they weren’t thinking about having to clean up and get back to cooking, they just thought about each other.

The couple just laid on the floor together as Buddy sniffed around them before licking Aslan in the face.

“No, Buddy!” Aslan squealed, pushing Buddy’s face away. The dog just wagged his tail as his owners helped each other up.

“You’re a mess,” Eiji laughed.

“Speak for yourself! You’re even dirtier than me! Go take a shower, I’ll clean this all up.”

Eiji kissed Aslan’s floured cheek before going to wash himself and his clothes.

Once everything was all clean, both of them included, they had to work faster in order to get everything done by the time their guests would arrive. Occasionally, though, they would look over at each other, and laugh silently before getting back to work.

Eventually, they had a complete New Year’s Day dinner. Eiji set the table while Aslan arranged the food into the boxes.

“Well, I’d say it looks pretty good,” Aslan said.

“We make a pretty good team!” Eiji shouted from the dining room.

When everything was all set for their guests to arrive, they high-fived to celebrate their hard work. It was the first time they cooked for New Year’s all on their own, and it was the first time they would be hosting.

The first to arrive were Ibe and his wife, Namiko. They met shortly after he returned to Japan, and she was a very kind woman, the kind that got along with all her neighbors and would check in on them from time to time. The couple greeted their hosts warmly with hugs and a bottle of sake.

Buddy was thrilled to have guests, and quickly ran over to receive pets from two of his many favorite humans.

It wasn’t much longer after that when Mari arrived, and the party officially started. Chatter filled the house as they ate. They talked about everything that had happened during the past year, everything they accomplished, and everything they hoped to accomplish this year.

“Well, I have no complaints,” Ibe said, “We traveled a lot this year for work.”

“It was great! So many fun new places we visited,” Namiko said.

“Mine was just another normal year of classes. I made a new group of friends, and they’re really great," Mari said through a mouthful of food.

“We adopted our dog,” Eiji beamed. Buddy was resting in the living room. After a while of whining for food, he had finally given up, and they knew if they mentioned him by name he would come over and start begging again.

The party went on late into the night as they continued to chat and drink. Everyone’s spirits couldn’t be higher as they celebrated the past and welcomed in the future, giving a toast for good luck. Eventually, though, the night had to end. They said their goodbyes to each other, and the guests went home, leaving Aslan and Eiji to clean up.

Aslan felt content as he washed the dishes. It was a great night, surrounded by people he loved. Seven years in Japan. He hadn’t felt like Ash Lynx in so long. He felt like he had control over his life.

A partner, a house, a dog, a legal job, friends, a little sister. The old ladies on his street fawned over him as if he was free from sin. The local coffee shop knew his face and order by heart. Nobody feared him, they were all friendly towards him, and treated him as if he really was normal.

Oftentimes it felt unreal. But as he sat on the couch, Eiji nestled into his side, he knew it was.

“Thank you,” Eiji murmured.

“For what?”

“For helping out today. For everything you do. You’re so good to me.”

Aslan smiled softly.

“I should be the one saying that to you.”

“How about we’re both good to each other?”

“Yeah,” Aslan whispered, “I can agree with that.”

The next few days of the New Year were spent with Mari. The plan was for her to go back to Tokyo on the fourth, when the holiday was over, so they wanted as much time with her as they could.

During the Japanese New Year, businesses are closed for the next three days. They couldn't go to restaurants, shops, or the market. So mostly, they just spent time at Aslan and Eiji’s house. Watching TV, playing board games, and video games on the SNES they got a few years back. They could also go to the beach.

Izumo was a coastal town, with cliff sides to the north, and a long, thin strip of beach to the west. When the three of them stepped out of the car, they were glad they brought thick coats, as there was a cold breeze.

“Come on Buddy!” Eiji said as he opened the car door. The dog jumped out of the car, wagging his tail happily.

The beach was an important place in Izumo, something Aslan had learned shortly after he moved. On the northern shore of the beach, there was a very large rock with a small shrine on top, too high for humans to reach. Every October, the gods would come to Izumo, and convene at the beach and its shrine.

Aside from it being a spiritual place, the beach was also just beautiful. It reminded Aslan of when he was younger, when he and Griffin would run across the sand and splash in the waves. Sometimes, when he and Eiji would take a walk along the beach, they would see children or a family, and he would feel a bit of nostalgia.

Now, he walked this beach with his new family.

It was late in the afternoon, and the sun was low in the sky. They were only planning for it to be a relatively short walk, and would return to the car not long after the sun fully set. It was just nice to get some fresh air.

The trio walked in silence, aside from Buddy’s pants, until Aslan broke it.

“You know, Mari, you got a pretty interesting fortune this year,” he said.

Eiji caught on to what he meant. “Yeah! Are you excited for it?”

“For the future fortune? I guess so. It’s better than I get most years,” she said.

“No no, I mean about your romance fortune,” Aslan smiled.

Mari became slightly flustered, glaring at the couple. They just laughed in response.

“You should really get back out there again,” Eiji teased, “You’re not still heartbroken over Yui are you?”

Mari lightly punched her brother in the side.

“Of course not! That was the beginning of high school! Butt out of my love life!”

“But you, dear sister, are the one that butted into my love life when I went to America.”

“I shall have you know, dear brother, that I have matured since then. Besides, the charm I gave you worked, didn’t it?”

Eiji looked over at Aslan with a smile and squeezed his hand.

“Yeah. It did.”

The sun had begun to set at this point, halfway across the horizon. It was a beautiful sight, soft pinks and reds across the sky. The three stopped to admire it, Buddy sitting beside them.

“I think this is a moment worth capturing,” Eiji said. He got the polaroid camera from around his neck. They all posed close together, Aslan picking up Buddy so he could be in the shot, with the sunset in the background.

“Smile!”

Click.

The photo printed slowly, and Eiji shook it so it could develop faster.

It showed the four of them, happy in smiling, in the place they loved so much. They waited for the sun to set fully before returning home.

Instantly, the photo went up on their wall.

Unfortunately, the fourth eventually came, and Mari had to leave. At the train station, they said their goodbyes.

“Be sure to write!” Eiji said as she waved.

“I always do!”

With that, the train doors closed, and she left Izumo. Since it was the first day of the new year that businesses were open, Aslan decided he might as well go run some errands.

“See you at home,” he said as he pecked Eiji on the cheek.

“Mhm, see you.” Eiji waved goodbye to him.

The first stop was the coffee shop. Why not, right? It was a very cozy little shop and the majority of the patrons were locals and regulars. When the barista noticed him, he smiled.

“The usual?”

Aslan nodded, and the barista got to work. The coffee shop was relatively small compared to those in America, and it was warmly lit. As Aslan sat at the counter watching the barista he felt the chill of the mid-winter weather.

“Here’s your coffee,” the barista said as he placed the mug in front of Aslan. Most people see Aslan as the type of person to drink straight black coffee. And for a while, he was. As soon as he was “old enough” to drink coffee, he would drink it without sugar or creamer. It fit the persona he had and made him seem more mature to those around him. Now he didn’t care about any of that. He made his coffee super sweet. Tons of sugar, tons of creamer, because that was the way he actually liked it.

Usually, he would take the time to stay and chat with the barista for a bit. He was a funny and friendly guy, most of the reason Aslan liked this coffee shop in particular. However, today he had the odd urge to get home as much as possible. Maybe it was just because of the chill, he thought.

The next stop was the grocery store. They only really needed things to replace what they had used to cook dinner on New Years, including the flour that they had wasted.

He absentmindedly went through the small store until a voice called out to him from behind.

“My dear Aslan!”

He turned around to see his neighbor, Mrs. Tanaka. She was an old woman, kind as can be like almost everyone else in the neighborhood, who loved to garden in her front lawn and chat him up whenever she saw him. Aslan greeted her back and smiled.

“How have you been? How’s Eiji? Did you have a good new year?”

“Everything is good. How was your trip?”

The two chatted for a bit, catching up on things that happened since the last time they talked. Most of his neighbors he could strike up a conversation with just like this. It was the kind of neighborhood he could see himself and Eiji growing old in. It was a weird thought, to grow old with someone in a small town, but it was right.

They said their goodbyes, and Aslan continued shopping as normal.

When Aslan came home, the front door was unlocked. Huh. Maybe Eiji just forgot. However, when he opened the door, he was met with a horrible sight.

There lay Buddy, unmoving, in a pool of blood.

Aslan dropped his bags and rushed to his dear pet. He picked him up gently as tears began to fall.

How did this even happen? When? Why wasn’t he here to stop it?

That’s when he saw it. The wound on Buddy’s neck. A bullet wound. Someone… shot Buddy. There was no way. He was supposed to be safe in Japan. He was supposed to be safe with Eiji. Eiji... “Eiji!” he shouted. No response. He shouted again. The house was silent. Aslan gently placed down Buddy’s body. He had to make sure Eiji was okay. Eiji had to be okay, right?

Aslan crept through the house silently, listening for any sounds that might lead him towards Eiji or the intruder. As he approached the kitchen, he saw a pot on the stove bubbling over, so he turned off the stove. This whole thing must have happened fairly recently. A knife was also missing from the drawer.

Finally, he made his way to the bedroom.

What he saw terrified him.

Eiji. Sprawled across the floor, next to the open closet doors as if he had been pulled out, a knife in his hand. A bullet in his forehead. His eyes were wide open, and his cheeks were stained with tears.

Ash fell to his knees. This couldn’t be happening. Eiji couldn’t be dead. He was dreaming, he was hallucinating, this was some kind of joke. What separated him from his old life now? What stopped him from being Ash Lynx again?

Ash sobbed, and sobbed and sobbed. His love had been murdered. The bastard shot his dog, too. Why? He didn’t do anything. Neither of them did anything. It wasn’t fair.

He reached into the closet and pulled out a small box. Inside was a silver engagement ring. He picked up Eiji’s greying, cold hand and slipped the ring onto his finger.

“I know that we could never get married legally. But I still wanted to think of you as my husband. After all we had been through, didn’t we deserve that much?”

Eiji didn’t respond. His glossed-over eyes stared at nothing. Ash closed them.

“My soul will always be with you.”

--------

This might turn into a chaptered fic

Thank you to @syanara for betaing!

Tag list: @mycatshuman

[cosmicjoke]

Ah, jeeze, okay, just when I thought  Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai (Twittering Birds Never Fly) couldn’t get any more intense or heartbreaking... I just finished chapters 34 and 35, and I’m a mess.  God, I really don’t even know what to say.  Well, if you haven’t read through to this point, I’m going to mention spoilers here, so stop reading if so.  But just the fact that Yashiro went into that confrontation with Hirata, with the intention to let Hirata kill him, my God, the revelation that Yashiro wanted to die, I nearly burst into tears.  His internal monologue about how he ruined everything good, how he wanted to hurt hose he held dear, how he wanted to sully everything beautiful and destroy any chance at happiness, just, seeing the profound self-loathing in him during these moments, how much he hates himself, and in the same instant, how profoundly he misjudges himself, was truly one of the most tragic, heartbreaking things I’ve ever come across in any piece of literature and/or art.  

I know this has likely already been discussed through and through by fans who have been following this story since the beginning, but I have to talk about it.  The overarching reality of who Yashiro is, that we see throughout the entire story up to this point, is that he’s exactly the opposite of what he sees himself as.  Someone who destroys beautiful things, someone who hurts those he loves, etc... and yet every action Yashiro takes throughout the story is almost entirely to the benefit of others, and almost always at an often massive expense to himself.  The very reason he was dragged into the world of the Yakuza to begin with was to help Kageyama, to ensure he kept his practice as a doctor, and got to realize his own dreams, the person he was so in love with, but who never returned those feelings in kind.  That self-sacrifice, which Kageyama never even knew about, doing it purely for Kageyama’s benefit.  And then of course we see him do the same with Nanahara, and Ryuuzzaki and Musimi and Doumeki.  He just gives and gives and gives of himself, without ever asking for anything in return.  And yet he hates himself so deeply, and thinks so viciously, tragically lowly of himself, and it all roots back to the abuse he suffered as a child.  It’s such a deep and meaningful examination of the impact of child abuse on a person’s life, and the way it refuses to sugarcoat that, or undermine it, really forcing the reader to see the devastation it’s wrought on the life of a person with a genuinely good and kind heart, it’s just beyond words in how moving that is.  

The big moment when this becomes more obvious than ever (even though it was plain as day before) of course is when Yashiro fights back against Hirata after he shoots Doumeki.  When just moments before he was willingly allowing himself to be beaten and then choked to death by Hirata, ready to accept his own death, thinking it was what he deserved, was the only logical path for someone like him, but then, the instant Doumeki is hurt, that’s when we finally see Yashiro fight back.  He regards his own life a completely valueless, and feigns at indifference towards those he loves and cares for, but his actions here tell the truth of it.  The line that broke my heart so completely was when he referred to his own life as a “worn out life”.  He could see no reason any longer for him to continue on, saw no purpose or value in it.  

I think what also really struck me during this scene was how, even when he finally fights back against Hirata, he doesn’t kill him.  He doesn’t even hit him with that rock hard enough to incapacitate him, and that really reflects back on another detail you notice about Yashiro throughout the story, which is that he never actually kills anybody.  He never really, seriously hurts anybody.  Despite living in a world of incredible violence, and despite having his entire life been treated as an object to be used, he doesn’t ever really abuse anyone himself.  He thinks he does, but his own perception of himself is so warped by years upon years of mistreatment by others.  And again, that’s such a horrifically tragic aspect to his character.  A self-loathing born of the abuse inflicted upon him by others, and not of anything he himself actually is.  He reminds me incredibly of Ash from Banana Fish in that regard.  

It also reflects back on what Ryuuzaki says of Yashiro, that he was never cut out to be a Yakuza, and his own frustrations and confusion about how he’s the only one who seems to see that about Yashiro.  He could always see Yashiro was, in his heart, actually such a gentle, and kind person, not at all made for the cut-throat cruelty of that world he was living in.  And yet Yashiro can’t see that about himself at all either.  He thinks that world is the only one where he could belong, or keep on living.  It’s so, so sad.

The other thing too, of course, is that ALL of these people care deeply about Yashiro, and are deeply loyal to him, because they can see that he’s actually this incredibly good person.  Like Nanahara says to Kageyama, he’s actually “really cool”.  There’s people all around Yashiro who care about and loves him immensely, but he can’t see that, because he thinks so little about himself, once more because of the abuse he’s suffered.  Again, that’s the definition of tragic.

Anyway, I have about a million thoughts regarding all of this, and I still haven’t caught up entirely on the series, so I’m gonna have to go do that now.  But Jesus, this manga has moved me to an unbelievable degree, and stirred my heart so much.  It’s genuinely poignant and beautiful and meaningful.  Ugh, I can’t recommend it enough.

[teamfreewill56-blog]

Banana Fish knows how to focus on the interesting character

Warning: This analysis contains trigger topics of rape, sexual assault and trauma

Something that I really appreciate about Banana Fish is the fact that the character with the tragic backstory was the main character, not a side character. They don’t make Eiji, the normal character who just got thrown into this insanity the main character, he is –A- main character but not THE main character. From the get go we know Ash is the main character and even when it switches to Eiji’s first encounter with him, we still get that feeling that Eiji is coming into Ash’s life and things are changing, not the other way around (even though the entrance into each others’ lives changes things for both of them). Yoshida know that Ash is the interesting one, she knows that Ash is the one that we are curious about and want to know about and she does a great job keeping the focus on him. Yet she still divvy's out enough time towards Eiji and even some side characters to keep us interested in what they’re doing as well. One of my complaints is that they do talk about Ash a lot when he’s not there, and they use the analogy of him being a cat a bit too much that it starts to wear old, but at the same time they’re ALL after him. And they manage to keep this fairly small and tight-knit. It’s not hundreds of organizations after Ash, it’s at most TWO and they’re CONNECTED. Our villain Dino Golzine has his hands in EVERYTHING and she SHOWS him having his hands in everything. I love that instead of leaving things a mystery she actually shows you how Ash has got where he is, how he has the power and the influence that he does. Ash doesn’t just miraculously have a bunch of connections, his backstory with Dino tells us exactly why he has those connections and how he’d be able to get them even though he’s only 17 years old. I appreciate that she did not sugar coat the trauma that Ash and others went through after having been raped, this show does an amazing job of reminding us that rape is horrible, that treating people like sex toys is horrible and how hellish it really is to live that life and the hell that the victims of that lifestyle go through. I also appreciate that while Yoshida didn’t sugar coat the trauma she also didn’t show any full-on scenes of sex or being raped. These sexual scenes are cleaner than what I’ve seen on Supernatural or any other American TV show. The fact that she did this is an incredibly mindful action for a creator to take---and to me it speaks volumes. Yoshida isn’t bent on scarring her audience (something way too many shows are eager to do and go way overboard with) but she wants to make sure we have the proper reaction of horror and anger when these scenes happen because rape and sexual assault ARE HORRIBLE and we should be angry and horrified at the assailants and empathize/feel sorrow for the victim. And holy cow what an amazing character Ash is, his life is literal hell and while he’s not a hyper, chipper little ray of sunshine—which makes him super realistic to me—he’s also not a angsty, moody teenager. He is intelligent and creative, funny, adaptive, fearful, friendly, distant, courageous, protective and aware. He is a little moody and angsty but it fits and makes sense for his personality. His funny scenes and other characters’ funny scenes don’t take away from the seriousness of the show, it knows it’s a serious show but it also knows that humor is part of life and it’s part of being human. This too adds onto the fact that Ash is a person, he has many moments of weakness and strength, he humiliates people and gets humiliated, he is still a human and Yoshida makes sure you SEE that. These scenes add to his personality and his relationship with the other characters in the scene, and they have a purpose beyond just being funny. Ash is constantly told his status as a rape victim is what defines him and he defies it every step of the way. He isn’t immune to his trauma, he still has reactions to it, it still is a huge part of his life and he’s constantly running into it again, but he’s still MORE THAN that and this show does such a good job of showing that. We as an audience know he’s more than that and the creator shows that she knows it too, that she knows that victims are so much more than their traumas and that they deserve better. The ending is bitter and for me it’s a horrible ending because that’s not how I wanted to see things end for Ash but I feel like it was less of a commentary about how things end for rape victims and more of: Ash never truly believed he could leave this life, and even when he finally left the mafia part of it, he still couldn’t leave the gang-related portion of it, instead he clung to it and he didn’t make too many attempts to try and leave it, he settled into it and as a result the ending he got was a bit typical of gang related characters. It was still sad, I still think it should have ended better for him, but I can make sense of it. 

Show: Banana Fish

Characters: Ash Lynx; Eiji Okumura; Dino Golzine

Creator:  Akimi Yoshida

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom, season 3 episodes 3-6 thoughts!

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-johnny was actually pretty civil with danny and left when he asked! thats nice. also, SKULKER?? HAD A FRAMED PICTURE OF EMBER?? oooo fuck wait had they established they were a Thing Before?? I dont think so. thats weird. its like that country boy/goth girl meme lmfao. I think i am going to choose to ignore this new info and pretend I didnt hear it. 100% unrelated to the jazz/ember fanart I already drew and posted....😳

-LADIES NIGHT EPISODE THIS IS WHAT ITS ALL ABOUT. wish it didnt really center around the guys or them being pissed at them, but. willing to bet this was written by men lol

-THEY ERASED ALL THE MEN??? meanwhile, jack and danny are fishing at. silent hill or something. im glad jack is trying to read a parenting book and making an Attempt. (theyre at lake erie, but, they made it actually eerie...thats fun)

-the girls alt outfits...cute. EMBER MADE A NEW SONG TOO!!! kinda. jazz being one of the backup singers and being AWFUL. NOOOO

-'how are we going to get kitty to blow a kiss?' 'she'll have to think there are still some males in town!' ...i dont know how to break it to you, but I dont know that a 100% het girl would wish for all men to Begone. I think. I mean im not a het or a girl so I dont really know for sure. she Is probably Bi tho. esp having the other ladies in town chanting NO MEN!!! excitedly............(then again, the kiss is to get Rid of men, so, she probably would have blown it at the ladies only if they were actively trying to attack/stop them, so...I MEAN. THE DRESSING LIKE DANNY BIT WAS SO EXTRA)

-I feel like an all female cast ep couldve been way way way way cooler than that was. like. why was it still somehow all about Men. ...anyway. (where was valerie...)

-next ep opens with the observants, and, way way more of them than I expected...existed? I mean I guess them being a council/jury of some kind is what I expected from their first appearance (bc at that time they were basically TELLING clockwork to kill danny, not asking,, so I figured they had SOME kind of authority) but. there were so many. anyway, here goes vlad! letting his own hubris go brrrr. releasing a weather ghost for political gain! #justvladthings

-okay say what you will about him (he IS an asshole) but having an umbrella with his own face on it and more prepared to share is SUPER FUNNY. and him being fanned by huge wads of money by his bodyguards. SO ineffective but so Dramatic. He UNDERSTANDS that if youre rich you need to be. you know. obnoxious and kinda eccentric about it! fuckign hate when rich people are boring about it. I would trust vlad with nothing except to not be a boring rich asshole who wears...fucking khaki or some shit. man knows his Presentation Skills. and that 'V' chair in his mayoral office. is that fucking embroidered?

-maddie get your MAN PLEEEEASSSE. IM SO EMBARRASSED FOR HER. the way jack stays simping for this man. in FRONT OF HIS WIFE!!!! ...my god its like a love triangle. jack clearly loves vlad, who loves maddie, who loves jack. jack fenton is at the very least bi, right................. this is an OBSESSION . 'THE V MAN COMETH'???? i...my god. (also, on a serious note, to have a friend THIS SUPPORTIVE...and still be SUCH A DICK TO HIM (TRYING TO KILL HIM AND STEAL HIS WIFE??) NOT COOL VLAD. JACK IS YOUR 1 AND /ONLY/ HYPE MAN. if someone loved and supported me THIS HARD...LIKE. CMON DUDE.

-STOMP the fucking GAS, JACK

-this would make a great shirt design, looks like a metal band design! we love The Maelstrom

-oh, so vlad did in fact get a mansion in amity park. and its purple! good color choice! not as flashy as a CASTLE or MURDER CABIN, but still pretty eccentric, which I appreciate.

-...vlad knows the difference between picasso and da vinci? in the ep last post where we were watching him fail at conquering every historical time ever he didnt seem to know history well enough to like. be effective...was vlad taking art history at college?? (was he an art MAJOR??? we never DID KNOW WHAT HE WENT TO SCHOOL FOR. I kinda assumed business because in the masters of time ep he was still rich without ghost powers so he had to have..known something about business or something, right...but also, art and or theater FITS HIS PERSONALITY. possibly also something science-y, I guess, but I always felt like he got roped into that, esp how pessimistic he was about the ghost portal in the flashbacks to college, like, i felt like he was just there for maddie and was uninterested/un-invested at the time...)

-THIS GHOST JUST ELECTROCUTED MADDIE (THE CAT) BITCH!! THATS MY FAVORITE MADDIE!!! vlad going after vortex and being ~shocked~ .....WHEN. WHEN WILL YOU LEARN. THAT YOUR ACTIONS. HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!

-the way this random man with a camera sees the mayor laying in an alley covered in TRASH AND DECIDES TO TAKE A PICTURE HAHAH

*snap* this ones going in my cringe compilation!

-vlad 'if we're going to defeat vortex, we're going to have to do it together!' *immediately dips after dropping danny off in front of vortex* JKASDFHKJHJKN

-DANNY CAN DUPLICATE!!! ...he couldnt even attack with it, but he DID IT!!! INTO (4) OF HIMSELF!!! SO PROUD!!!!!!!!!!

-'THE ROLLER COASTER EMOTIONS OF A TEENAGER THREATEN MY PLANS!' ...0 self awareness of his own dramatic moodiness. incredible, how dumb this man is. its very close to circling around to endearing, if he was less of an asshole. at least its very very funny to see danny shooting him with tiny lightning bolts anytime he's even slightly irritated! vlad you should be nice to danny anyway. this is what you GET

-...making sandwiches and ice cream and playing video games with your nephew is a totally normal thing. WHY is vlad acting like this is the end of the world. if you were a GOOD UNCLE YOU WOULD ALREADY BE DOING THESE THINGS!!! bitch I make my nephew food all the time and dont forget what he does and doesnt like. if u didnt know danny didnt want tomatoes, thats on u. if u, a grown adult, are gonna piss of the 14 yr old by not letting him win, u deserve to have to pay for the arcade machines he ruins because he now has uncontrollable storm powers because YOU THREW HIM INTO A FIGHT WITH THE STORM GHOST. fuck u vlad. paypal me $400,000 while ur at it tho. (also, gamer vlad confirmed)

-VLAD CAN COOK THOUGH???! I assumed he had...people working for him that did that. I mean. billionaires usually dont do that. then again, we've only seen those vultures working for him (and I guess the dairy king was AT his old mansion, but it was never really clarified if he worked there...I think he probably just Hung Out and they Enjoyed Cheeses Together. thats what I think, I dont think a KING would be working for anyone and also the dairy king was nice <3) but then again he would be a private person and we cant have anyone accidentally finding Ghostly Things, so...still, that's hilarious. pour one out for that really cute banana split that got ruined 2 seconds later

-vlad just fucking picking danny up and THROWING HIM AT VORTEX TWICE WITHIN LIKE A MINUTE. JUST ABSOLUTELY LAUNCHING HIM. BITCH THATS MY SON BE CAREFUL!!! HES GOT ORGANS AND THINGS!!!!

-danny seeing those animal commercials and feeling sad is the biggest 2000s throwback so far. i legitimately had to change the channel or walk out of the room when those came on bc id CRY AND BE SAD ABOUT THEM FOR DAYS AFTER. fuck those commercials and fuck that IN THE ARMMMS OF AN ANGELLLL song 😭

-'vlads ego almost got the town destroyed!' yes danny thats the entire episode. the entire series anytime vlad shows up honestly. this episode was just him being really embarrassing the entire time, and, me laughing about it. 10/10 would laugh at him again

-NEXT EP WE HAVE A SHAPESHIFTING GHOST?? I've said it before but shapeshifting is the power I would want when asked those 'what superpower do you want' questions...its the Best power! this guy looks like a homestuck character. ive never read homestuck but thats the vibe

-I love every time we see tuckers family, they are by far the most functional family. and dash has a lil chihuahua!!! named pookie!!! i am crying (I've had 3 chihuahuas, so I am very biased, but...) AND HE WATCHES THE ROMANCE CHANNEL WITH POOKIE. POOKIE I WILL DIE FOR YOU YOU SWEET LITTLE BABY.

-danny can lift a bus! I shouldn't be surprised, but i am proud of my son. hes got lil kid fans. i am going to cry about this

-JAZZ KEEPS A SCRAPBOOK WITH DANNY'S LIL HEROICS AND NEWSPAPER CLIPPINGS!!! we've actually seen it on her floor before, but I didnt realize it was a scrapbook!! thats sooo cute.

-...and danny has to stand there listening to his parents saying danny phantom sucks and is a 'filthy ghost' and calling him egotistical...i am once again stealing their kids!

-THIS GHOST RIPPING JAZZ'S SCRAPBOOK!!! ILL KILL YOU. SHE WORKED HARD ON THAT!!! BITCH

-yes, maddie, the one with red eyes is For Sure Actually Your Son. ignore the, red eyes... (CLEARLY she hasnt watched the other 2 eps where danny has been evil, she doesnt know red eyes= evil!!!)

-'billy fenton'.......................

-danny being stuck as phantom in his own house, no way out is a fucking NIGHTMARE. his parents pointing giant weapons against him and SHOOTING AT HIM. THIS IS A HORROR MOVIE.

-NINE INCH NAILS POSTER.

-this is the most screenshot of all time

-amorpho turning into mr. lancer because hes 'someone no one will want to be around' BUT HES WRONG, I WOULD BEFRIEND AND HANG OUT WITH MR LANCER SO FAST.

-tucker dressing as danny, now I have the full Tucker set of him being sam and also being danny. also saying 'the ghost...uh...RIPPED MY FACE OFF.' and then running. SMOOTH. NOT AT ALL CONCERNING TO ANY PARENTS.

-sam accepts the toast from jack. and then 2 seconds later is like 'why am i eating this.' THIS SHOWS HUMOR IS SO UNEXPECTED SOMETIMES ITS REALLY GOOD. and then the scene after, mr lancer running into his ghost doppelganger and being like 'YOURE GORGOUS' THEN FAINTING. I AM CRYING. AND DASH FAINTING TOO.

-sam disguising herself as danny again to help tucker run from the fentons. but leaving him shirtless in the streets. incredible. 'plEASE DOnt NOTice MY FACELessNESS I MUST LIVE IN EXILE' this episode is destroying me the humor in this show is exactly my brand of corny and cheesy

-the impromtu story made up by danny and amorpho to explain stuff to the fentons. my god they are both such bad liars. but amorpho is a good egg. wish danny wouldnt have said he didnt wanna see him in town again!! I want him to be reoccurring. not that thats gonna matter since I'm almost done with the series, but the idea of this being the Only Time We See him is :(

-NEXT EP SAYS STARRING MARK HAMILL??????!!! hello ! mr . joker....mr. star wars.... I feel like I should be. idk. taking off a hat im not wearing in respect. I shouldnt be surprised tho bc hes in a lot of cartoons as a very good voice actor, and dp has already had a lot of talented ones so I've been looking out for ones I might know, but....mr. hamill....

-sam has her own greenhouse, names all the plants, and says thank you to them (in the languages from where the plants are from) whenever she harvests from them. thats SO cute. and her lil gothy lunch box...

-and danny's lil red fuzzy lined jacket!!! ive said it before but every time the characters get alt outfits im like :D

-danny has ice powers now!!! THATS WHAT FROSTBITE MEANT. HE KNEW SOMEHOW WAY BACK THEN

-THIS SHOW NEVER LETS YOU FORGET VLAD IS A BILLIONAIRE, HUH.

-danny's lil 'holy hibiscus!' first off the 50s batman swearing is hilarious. 2nd. my username is from the flower sanchoyo hibiscus, so, shoutout to ME this ep. hi :)

-EURGH UNDERGROWTH MAKING EVERYONE PLANT ZOMBIES. HIVEMIND PLOTS SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME. and this dude made the city SO overtaken so quickly like how long was danny asleep?? oh god

-evil fucked up sam! now the whole trio has gone evil at some point! the voice actress did a really, really good job with making her sound like a zombie...

-frostbite's paws are so so so big compared to danny. oh my god. i want to hug the snow dog...

-the far frozen has an advanced medical stuff!!! very cool. very smart snow dogs

-im so glad danny has a friendly ghost snow dad to explain this new power and teach him!!! this is so sweet. DANNY'S GHOST SENSE WAS A PART OF HIS ICE POWER?? OOOH. COOL. we love a training montage!!!

-danny saying if he cant defeat overgrowth, that he'd want to stay with frostbite...oh my god...do you think this is the first real supportive adult figure in his life (I am NOT counting his parents because they threaten him on the daily even if they dont realize it.) I mean mr lancer is a Teacher, but he was also nice but this is different, but this is a GHOST WHO IS WILLING TO HELP HIM with his powers and also will help him when hes injured and is so so nice and comparatively so much more mature than 90% of the adults in this show!!!! god. dad frostbite is my everything.

-the framing and lighting this episode, and all the angles...they went all OUT and it looks really really good. this is my nightmare scenario, tho. like, FUCK zombies and dead city zones and hivemind shit. and using the humans as 'nutrients for the children' i am going to THROW UP.

-MALEFICENT VIBES WITH THE HORNS AND GREEN EYES! this costume kicks so much ass. sam is now mark hamills daughter, I guess.

-danny's ice powers making his eyes blue!!! thats neat. and him going for the roots underground was SO SMART. i will not stand for danny ever thinking hes stupid, hes SO smart.

almost done with the show... :"( thats a sad thought!!!

[perseusjackson-jasongrace]

His Blood Runs Gold IV

Percy is a God: Part IV

Here’s my masterlist for the next part and my other stuff

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

we are products of war

and enemies of peace

we are universes finally standing still

ready, ready, ready

to destroy us all

this time

there is only power baby boy

and i will be brutal.

“Hey,” Jason said faintly, tapping the bubble.

Percy stood from his perch on the rock and waved goodbye to the school of fish he had been talking to. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Like I haven’t slept that well in months.”

Percy produced an immortal grin at that, “You hungry?”

“Starved, you got any of those cookies?”

“You sure you don’t want a proper meal first?”

“Where are we gonna get a proper meal from? My backpack has some lonely granola bars and possibly a fast over-ripening banana.” His eyes furrowed in confusion.

The God simply smiled, “What do you feel like?”

Jason gave him a look but said, “Breakfast burrito?”

He laughed, flicking his wrist and before the demigod could blink a foil-wrapped cylinder appeared in the bubble.

Mouth hanging open, Jason grabbed the burrito and unwrapped it before staring between the God and his breakfast like his head might explode.

“I promise it’s safe to eat.”

“You can just- you just?” The blonde was at a loss for words.

“Believe it or not, it isn’t really handy now. When I was a demigod, I would have loved to have that neat little trick but these days I don’t need to eat much.”

“Well if nothing else I’m keeping you around for that alone.” Jason mumbled around a mouthful of food.

“So you’re just gonna use me for your own selfish needs?”

“Mhmm it may be nice to use the gods for once, instead of the other way around.”

“Fair enough,” He shrugged, and wondered when he’d stop feeling the blow of that statement, uttered so many times by his friends and former camp-buddies alike.

He knew how they felt, hell he had felt like that once; but since becoming one of those gods it was hard not to feel hollowed out. He knew the half-bloods wouldn’t outright curse them, but Percy still heard all their bitter thoughts, He wasn’t sure if it was because he was the god for demigods that the whispers followed him around like a ringing in his head.

Jason’s voice pulled him back to the present.

“Anyway, thank you for the breakfast,”

“Uh yea no problem. So, I was thinking about the prophecy and the direction of the north star,”

“Yea what about it?”

“We’ve been heading south and if my coordinates are correct, we should reach the equator in a day or two”

“Are you saying we’re headed in the wrong direction?” Blue eyes widened.

“No, I think your direction is good, I do think, however, that the arrow isn’t on land. I think it’s in the ocean just before the equator.”

“Why there?”

“You can only see the north star in the northern hemisphere, after the equator it disappears. The further south you go the lower on the horizon it is, which means at some point it looks like it’s on the horizon or close enough.”

“So, you’re saying the arrow sits underneath the star at its lowest point?”

“That’s the idea.”

“Okay that’s good news.” Jason took a deep breath, raking a hand over his face. “I guess we just wait for night and keep following the star.”

‘Actually…” Percy grinned,

“You have a plan?”

“If we just have to get to the equator, I can take us there now.”

“How would you know when we’re there?”

“I know the coordinates at any time when I’m at sea. Son of Poseidon and all that.”

“Well I’m convinced.” Jason nodded, thoughts fluttering behind his eyes. “How are we doing this?”

“I think it’s time to call in a friend.”

With a low whistle, that defied the laws of nature, because how on earth do you whistle underwater, the God whipped a dazzling smile over his shoulder.

“Do I want to know what you’ve invited to the party?”

“You’ll see.”

Just then the water rushed around them. When the clouds of sand and swirling water disappeared a beautiful, iris-coloured beast revealed itself, along with a cyclops already barreling towards them.

“Brother!”

They slammed into each other and Percy was grateful for his godly bones, because he’s sure his mortal ones wouldn’t have survived that collision.

“Hello Tyson, how are you?” He laughed in relief, in comfort.

“I knew I’d see you. A school of firemouth-killfish passed by and said you were around.”

“Thank you for coming. I’m helping Jason and I need Rainbow’s speed.”

“Of course, brother. What are you doing?”

“Jason has a quest to find Eros’ arrows.”

Finally Tyson looked over Percy’s shoulder to see the demigod still wrapped in a bubble, bobbing behind them.

“Jason. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Hello Tyson, how are you?”

“I am good. And you are good?”

“Yes thank you. How’s Ella?”

His brother flushed a red as bright as Corallium.

“She is nice, fine.”

Percy decided to put the poor cyclops out of his misery and focus their attention on the mission at hand.

“Rainbow, can you take us where we need to go?”

The hippocampus gave a noise of agreement and brushed its head along Percy’s arm.

“We must be off,” He said, turning to Tyson.

“When will you be back?” A brown eye blinked in question.

“As soon as Love finds us, I guess,” Percy winked.

It was Jason’s turn to blush the colour of coral, but the god was already looking away, turning to hug his brother.

“I will see you soon Tyson.”

“Goodbye Percy,” and with a wave to Jason the cyclops was gone.

“Alright Jas–“

Percy had felt the deepest senses of fear and love and sadness many times, but never in his twenty years of life had he felt such raging, storm-filled anger. For standing behind an oblivious Son of Jupiter, ready to pounce was a sea creature that probably spawned from the depths of Tartarus itself.

It hadn’t noticed the God, or it wouldn’t even have dared come close to this space.

With a light brush against Rainbow’s side, the hippocampus disappeared. He turned fully, focusing on the beast, hiding himself within the folds of the current. He watched as it slithered out it’s tongue in sickening excitement.

“Jackson you were in the middle of saying something?”

He didn’t bother replying as the creature looked up, finally taking notice of everything other than his prey.

“Hello, found something to enjoy?”

“What?” Jason said

“This fight it not with you Percy Jackson,” It gurgled

Before they could take their next breath, the monster swiped its tail through the bubble and slammed Jason to the ocean floor. Something cracked, the demigod did not rise again.

Percy’s smile was sharp and terrifying.

“That,” He laughed, “Was not very smart.”

With a single movement of his fingers he wrenched the water from the monster’s body.

It seized and gasped, flopping about in the air pocket it found itself in.

“The fight is always with me if it involves my friends,” Malice dripped from the God’s lips.

The monster tried to respond, try to splutter and roar but there was no water in its gills. It gasped and writhed, attempting to escape the air.

Percy simply smiled, darkness gleaming in his green eyes, and watched as the Ketos Troias suffocated.

“Jason slayed you when he was fourteen, just a young demigod, but you decided to come back and oh what a horrible mistake that was,” He wondered briefly if he sounded as manic as he felt, and then decided he didn’t care. “Because now, now you have to deal with me, and I will not make it pretty.”

“I will kill you Percy Jackson,” It rasped.

“You can try.” He laughed, and then spat, “And it’s Lord to you.”

Its eyes widened as Percy revealed his godly form, golden light basking him. With a final roar, the monster turned to dust.

He heard a gasp from below and saw Jason finally coming to it, pushing on the walls of the new bubble Percy had formed around him.

“Are you okay?”

“Feel like I’ve been smacked with a ten-ton sledgehammer and I may have a broken rib but otherwise dandy.”

“Oh good, here’s some ambrosia.” He handed a small square to the demigod who nodded in thanks and gobbled it down.

“Was that the Trojan Sea Monster?”

“Yes, seems it was feeling revengeful.”

“Did you send it back to whatever hole it came from?”

The grin that graced his face could kill mortals, “It’s scattered in the deepest depths of Tartarus. It shouldn’t bother you in this lifetime again.”

“Shall we go then?”

Jason stared at him, and grinned back.

-------------------------------------------------------------

One of the strangest things I’ve ever googled was “type of fish off the Liberian coast” because i needed Tyson to be accurate when he told Percy fish had been talking to him. So yes firemouth-killfish do in fact exist and they do reside in the North Atlantic Ocean. Liberia is around where i pictured the two would be at this point. Anyway just some fun fic A/N’s for ya.

How are you guys finding it? Tell me your thoughts because i am inexplicably in love with Dark!Percy and i need to know if others are too????

Tags (if you want to be added to/ taken off the tag list just let me know, all my channels of communication are open):

@thepersonyourparentswishyouwere @lesbian-peanuts @thegirlwiththegoldenarm @thatis-americas-ass @whatevertakesmyfancy @lucyisblue @lrelikohll @tmifangirl24 @queenkivi @nishlicious-01 @whitelacepants @leydiangelo @urbanpineapplefarmer @queen-of-demons-and-hell

[mhdiaries]

Wave 1 Frankie Stein Diary

The 30th day of June

So mom and dad think I should keep a diary to help sort out everything I’m feeling. Since I’m only a few days old I’m not sure where to even start. Right now I’m feeling happy, sad, confused, enlightened, worried, hopeful and hungry - all at the same time. Is this normal?

The 15th day of July

The most amazing thing happened today! It rained! I know everybody has seen rain before but this was my first time and I got so excited that I ran through the house yelling for everyone to come see it. Dad came bolting up from the lab and was rather unhappy to find out I had made such a big deal out of it. “Mary Shelly’s ghost Frankie, I though there were villagers with torches outside!” I guess I must’ve looked either surprised or sad ‘cause dad gave me a big hug and said he was sorry he yelled. I wanted to go out and play in it but dad said he thought that might cause me to short out. Mom came to the rescue with an umbrella, rubber boots and a raincoat. It was wonderful and dad even came out in his lab coat and boots to show me how to stomp puddles! Does life get any better than this? 

The 16th day of July

I feel like I’ve got so much to learn between now and when school starts. What if I get excited about something that is just a normal every day occurrence, like the rain, and everybody laughs at me? Should I just be quiet and pretend I’ve seen it all before? I’m not even sure if that’s possible for me since everything is just so completely scary cool right now!

The 17th day of July 

Okay so one thing I have learned in my short life is that I am not a morning person. My dad is though and he insists on yelling “It’s alive!” every time I come upstairs for breakfast. Unfortunately I don’t think he’s going to stop doing that any time soon because when he finally stops laughing he slaps his knee and says, “That just never gets old.” Is it too soon for me to decide that breakfast is overrated? 

The 23rd day of August

We went on our first family trip today... to The Maul! I was really excited but also really nervous. Dad took the long way there and drove by Monster High to show me where I’d be going to school which made me even more nervous so that by the time we got to The Maul I was a total casket case. I almost asked dad to take me home but I went in anyway. We all had lunch at the food corpse and then mom took me shopping while dad went to look for some neck bolt polish. The first place Mom took me was her favorite store but all the outfits looked like old wedding dresses. I really didn’t want to hurt her mom’s feelings and I didn’t tell her this but I wouldn’t have been caught alive in most of those clothes. I guess mom must have sensed that I wasn’t very excited causewe didn’t stay there very long. As we were leaving the store we ran into Clawdeen Wolf and Draculaura. Mom introduced me to them and said we were shopping for school clothes. Clawdeen looked at the store and started to say something but Draculaura accidentally hit her with the umbrella she was carrying and said, “Mrs. Stein if you would like us to show Frankie some of the places we shop, we’d be happy to do that.” Fortunately, mom said yes and then mentioned something about finding dad before he made it to the laboratory supply store. Clawdeen and Draculaura took me around to all the scary cool stores and told me all about Monster High. It was like we had known each other forever. Draculaura is sooo nice and Clawdeen Wolf is so confident and funny. While we were shopping I confessed I wasn’t sure what kind of styles would look good on me. Draculaura and Clawdeen both started laughing and I thought I’d said something wrong. Then they both put an arm around me and Clawdeen said, “Ghoul friend, with your figure you shouldn’t be wondering how good a style looks on you but how bad you’ll make it look on anyone else who wears it.” Draculaura even invited me to tryout for the fearleading squad... I was too excited to tell her I didn’t know what that was but it sounded like fun. By the time mom and dad came to find me I didn’t want to leave. I’m so glad I stuck it out and didn’t ask dad to take me home.

The 24th day of August

Didn’t see dad very much today. He’s been working on a special project in his lab and he said I’m not allowed to see what it is yet. I asked mom if I was getting a new sister or brother and she almost choked on the coffinccino she was drinking. “Karloff’s crypt sweetheart, whatever gave you that idea?” I heard mom telling dad about it later and it sounded like they were laughing. I wonder if other teenage monsters have parents who do odd things?

The 26th day of August

I got into my first fight with my parents today and they sent me to my room! I couldn’t believe it! I must be the only monster that this has ever happened to. So what happened was Clawdeen Wolf and Draculaura called to invite me to a moonlight party on the beach. I said yes without asking mom and dad first and I was so excited that I ran upstairs to tell them and they said NO! “We’re sorry dear but we already have plans to do something as a family - you should have asked us first.” I told them that all the monsters that would be in my class at Monster High would be there having a scary good time and that I had already told Clawdeen Wolf and Draculaura that I could go and it just wasn’t fair that I wouldn’t be able to and then water started running down my cheeks! I didn’t know what to do and I thought maybe I’d somehow broken my eyes. Dad and mom gave me a hug, which I didn’t want at first, and told me it wasn't’ my eyes but my heart that broke a little bit but it was okay cause hearts still work even when they break. Then they told me that the water was tears and that it was very unusual for a monster to be able to cry and that made me even more special. I had to call Clawdeen Wolf and Draculaura back and let them know I couldn’t go but they told me it was okay and that the next time they would tell me ahead of time so I could make sure mom and dad didn’t have plans. I guess I still have a lot to learn but at least I’ve got good parents and friends to help me with the lessons. 

The 28th day of August

This morning dad revealed his special project - a new pet he made just for me! It’s really cute and sweet and it’s not exactly a dog or a cat or a fish but more like a combination of everything. Dad told me that he took the best qualities of all the best pets and put them together. It barks like a dog, purrs like a kitten, swims like fish, has spikes like a dragon and eats bananas like a monkey. I’m going to call it Watzit. dad said its pet license is like ten pages long and the monster vet wasn’t even sure where to begin the examination. I don’t care though. Watzit slept at the foot of my bed and purred me to sleep. I love my life.

The 1st day of September

I had to get stitches today... well I guess I should really say new stitches. I was throwing a ball for Watzit and I heard rrrripppppp as the ball went one way and my arm went the other! I know that sounds terrible but it didn’t really hurt. It was kind of embarrassing though and I was really glad that no one was around to see it. Watzit brought the ball and my arm back and I went inside to see if dad could fix it. Mom was not very happy with dad and told him that he needed to work on his knot tying skills. Dad showed me how to stitch my arm back on and then gave me an emergency sewing kit to carry with me in case it happened when he wasn’t around. I really hope this doesn’t happen in front of my friends or I’ll be mortalfied.

The 6th day of September

I got my first letter in the mail today! It was my class schedule and a note welcoming me to Monster High. I think I’m more nervous now than I was before that first day at The Maul. It’s okay though because I know I’m getting ready to start my next great adventure and I just can’t wait to get started!

[toxicpineapple]

22 amamota please !

Amami shows up to breakfast with a grimace, glancing around the dining hall. There are only a couple people here; Momota, off by the kitchen, and Akamatsu, sitting upright in her spot, looking almost catatonic. He sighs. Who could blame her, really, after Iruma’s execution last night. He knows they were close. There’s a large part of him that wants to go over and comfort her, but... mm. He’s hesitant, and not because of Akamatsu, but rather because he’s not sure what he’d say. Every day that passes here the more he remembers his old friends (Miyake, Sako, Sonada) and he just... doesn’t know how to comfort her anymore. Doesn’t know what reassurances he’d even use.

Instead, he walks over to the kitchen and joins slips in after Momota, letting the door swing shut behind them. He’s in here to get food, presumably. Amami isn’t sure how they’re all going to manage with Toujo gone. He can cook somewhat, just, his meal options are very limited. Like he can do your traditional Japanese style breakfast provided you’re good with the fish a little burnt. And the rice in his onigiri is usually pretty crushed, but it’s edible. Eatable. You could eat Amami’s onigiri.

Hmm. Anyway. Amami leans against the doorframe, folding his arms over his chest and watching Momota walk over to the sink. And for a moment Amami thinks he’s going to wash his hands, but instead he grips the edge of the sink, bracing himself against it. Amami raises his eyebrows. Is he okay?

It’s difficult to see Momota’s face at this angle. Or to make out what he’s thinking. Amami hums, “Momota-kun,” and watches the other boy jolt, full-body, releasing the sink and scrambling to turn around, to face Amami. His face is pale, and his expression is a bit distressed. Clearly, he didn’t hear Amami coming in, or else he wouldn’t have bent over the sink like that. Actually, Amami doesn’t know if he’s ever seen such an expression.

“Oh, hey, Amami,” Momota’s smile is bracing, but convincing. Amami would be more convinced if not for what he just saw. He won’t call him out, though. “Sorry. I’m like, really hungry. Didn’t get to eat dinner last night.”

“Yeah, I getcha,” Amami chuckles, pushing off the doorframe and walking into the kitchen. He plucks a banana from a basket in the middle of the kitchen, peeling it as he speaks. “Me either. The investigation and trial kinda went through dinner.” And nobody wanted to eat after seeing Iruma’s execution, Amami thinks, but does not say.

Momota seems to understand, anyway. His lilac eyes crinkle at the edges, in sympathy. “You’re doing okay? You and Toujo were friends, weren’t you?”

“As much as I’m friends with everyone else here,” Amami shrugs. “Yeah, I’m upset.” Desensitised, though. Terribly, awfully desensitised. When he came across Saihara’s body in the library, way back in the beginning, it was dread rather than disgust or horror that churned in the pit of his stomach. A gross, sticky feeling of, not again. “How‘re you holding up?”

“It sucks, man,” Momota sighs. “This is... yeah, it...” he runs a hand through his hair and clasps it on the back of his neck, looking, for a long moment, deeply disconcerted. His gaze fixes on a spot on the floor and stays there. Amami looks somewhere else, so Momota won’t feel fussed to make eye contact with him. “Yeah.”

Amami wants to say, This isn’t my first rodeo, Momota-kun, you don’t have to feel guilty about not having as much composure as I do in the face of it, but he wouldn’t even know where to begin about explaining that. He doesn’t even know for sure if it is his first rodeo or not, or if the deja vu that’s been hitting him since he got here is just incidental, linked to some other experience that slipped from his mind like his talent. Whatever the case, he doesn’t end up saying anything, just gazing in silence off at the far wall.

And then Momota lets out an awful sounding cough into his sleeve.

Amami bristles, gaze shooting back over to Momota, his eyes going wide. Momota straightens a bit, opening his mouth to speak, and then hunches over again, burying his face into his sleeve and coughing some more. The coughs are ragged and guttural, hoarse and painful-sounding. Amami winces just hearing them, feeling his own throat tightening in sympathy. Amami opens his mouth to speak, but Momota’s coughing is too loud, too intense, and Amami can’t get a word in.

When Momota stumbles, Amami catches him, arms instinctively curling around his midsection. Momota is bent over at the waist, his forehead pressing into Amami’s chest as he shudders. One of his hands, his free hand, grasps at Amami’s shoulder, and he rasps out, “‘m fine, sorry,” before coughing some more.

“You’re not fine,” Amami says, his brow lowering. “Momota-kun, wh--”

“Don’t worry,” Momota slurs, hoarsely. He swallows hard, which Amami registers because he can feel Momota’s adam’s apple bobbing up and down, and the coughing fit stops. His breathing is much too controlled for it to have happened naturally. When he lifts his head, still quivering in Amami’s arms, there’s blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. “It’s fine, it’s just a cold.”

“That’s not a cold, Momota-kun,” Amami replies in a low voice. “It-- You sounded like you were dyi--”

The door to the kitchen swings open with a bang, and Amami turns quickly, his grip tightening automatically on Momota, bringing him in to his chest. It’s Akamatsu standing there, his eyes wide with alarm, her expression panicked.

“Are you two okay?” Akamatsu asks, her voice tight. She’s breathing heavily, as though she ran to the door. “I thought I heard coughing.”

Before Momota can reply, Amami curls his arms further around the other boy, keeping him in the protective embrace, and smiles. “It’s alright, Akamatsu-san. Momota-kun just has a head cold.”

“Ah,” Akamatsu blinks. “Are you sure? It sounded--”

“It’s really okay,” Amami cuts her off, and feels guilty for it when he sees the way her brows pinch together. He doesn’t even know why he’s lying. If Momota is sick, this is a big deal. It’s just that Momota is still shaking in his arms, shoulders tense with coughs he’s not letting out, and his first instinct was to lie about it which means he doesn’t want people to know. Amami couldn’t say why he doesn’t want people to know. (Maybe he doesn’t want to make himself a target? That would be understandable, they’re in a killing game, after all.) But his chest is tight for some reason. “You can go back to the dining hall, we’ll be out in a second.”

The look Akamatsu gives him is skeptical. “Well, okay,” she says. “Feel better, Momota-kun,” she frowns.

“Yeah, thanks,” Momota mumbles, his voice muffled by Amami’s shirt.

When the door swings shut behind Akamatsu and her footsteps recede, Amami turns his head back, looking down at Momota’s trembling form. Momota is taller than Amami, actually, but hunched over like this, Amami’s gaze has to point downwards to look at him. Amami opens and closes his mouth a few times. He’s not sure what to say.

Eventually, Momota asks, “Why’d you do that?”

“Do what?” Amami lifts one of his hands, idly stroking his fingers through Momota’s hair, cupping the back of his head. In most places his hair is stiff with product, but at the base of his skull his hair is soft, and Amami thoughtlessly twirls his fingers in it as he speaks. “Lie?”

“Mhm,” Momota nods into his shoulder. Amami isn’t entirely sure why he hasn’t straightened up yet, but he doesn’t mind. Momota is awfully warm. (Though whether that’s a result of a fever, or just Momota, he couldn’t say.)

“You lied, too,” Amami points out. “Probably had a reason for it, right? I didn’t wanna sabotage you,” he pauses. Thinks about it. “But I’d like it if you could be honest with me about what’s going on with you.”

Momota doesn’t say anything for a moment.

“You don’t owe me anything, of course,” Amami says. “If you don’t want to tell me about it, I’ll accept that and move on. Can’t promise I won’t have an eye on you, but,” he chuckles, “I think I’m kind of entitled to that, so--”

“I don’t think I have very much time left,” Momota whispers. Amami stops talking, abruptly, his eyes widening. He doesn’t know what to say. “I’ve been... this has been happening on and off since I woke up in this place. ‘N it’s only gotten worse,” Momota chuckles. “I’m just trying to hold on until we can get outta here, but it’s... hard.” He’s tense in Amami’s arms, his hands fisted in the fabric of his blue shirt. “Sorry you had to see that. Probably kinda scary to see me coughing like that, huh? My bad for not being more careful.”

“Don’t apologise,” Amami frowns. “I... you’re not going to die, Momota-kun.” Momota laughs into his shirt. “Really, I mean it! You’re not going to die.”

“Sorry if I’m a little skeptical,” Momota pulls back, grinning, his expression sad. “You’re probably right, ‘m not gonna die, it’s just, y’know,” he shrugs. “You don’t hafta reassure me about that shit. I’m braver than that.”

Amami scowls. “Don’t be stupid. That’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying you’re not going to die because we’re going to get out of here.”

“Mmm,” Momota blinks at him. “You think that?”

“I know that,” Amami wrinkles his nose. “I’m gonna get everyone out of here. And I’m gonna do it soon, before anything happens to you. I mean that,” he adds, when Momota gives him another skeptical look. “I have--” ah, shit, what is he saying, “an advantage, over everyone else here. So you can trust me when I say that.”

“An advantage,” Momota repeats.

“Right,” Amami nods. “And I’ll show you if you want,” he says, despite the knot forming in his chest. “So just--”

He bites his lip. Takes in Momota, the odd, vulnerable look on his face, the fact that he’s still basically in Amami’s arms. He remembers the way Momota took on Hoshi as his sidekick after the game started, the way he’s been encouraging everybody else here this whole time, lifting everyone up. No, this man doesn’t deserve to die here of some illness. He deserves to escape. He deserves to survive.

“Don’t say you’re gonna die,” Amami breathes out. “Okay?”

For some reason, Momota takes a moment to reply, opening and closing his mouth. Amami is aware his gaze is heavy; actually, his eyes have been burning a bit this entire time, so it’s not impossible that he might just burst into tears on the spot here. Maybe Momota can tell.

Then a smile appears on Momota’s face. He shifts forward, and slips his arms around Amami, pulling him into a proper hug this time. As Amami lifts his hands to reciprocate, he ignores the fact that Momota is still shaking and squeezes him tight.

“Thanks, Rantaro,” Momota says. Amami feels a lump rise in his throat. “You’re right. I shouldn’t talk like that. And I believe you’ll get us all outta here! With my help, of course.”

“Of course,” Amami says quietly. Guess this is just how it’s going to be, now. It’s just like the time limit they got back in the very beginning, before Saihara died. Only this time there’s only one life on the line, and somehow this one feels much more urgent.

Amami closes his eyes and holds Momota close.

[my-brothers-corrupted]

1007

“It used to be Jackie who haunted me,” he whispers. “Do you know that?”

Anti’s blue eyes stare back at him from the other side of the room, emotionless.

“It was Jackie I would see passing me in crowds or moving past my windows. And I would miss him but the sight of him was a comfort to me.”

Anti doesn’t say anything. Anti doesn’t move. His short white hair flickers in the air conditioning.

“He was going to marry me,” says Max through the hollowness in his chest.

Anti doesn’t answer.

Max goes back to bed. It is two in the afternoon.

------------

He doesn’t really like his new phone, but it has a picture of Jackie on the background, so there’s that, at least. It wakes him up with Jackie’s smiling face in the sunlight and the blaring of an alarm that’s meant to sound peppy but just comes off as obnoxious.

He turns it off and lies in bed. Falls back to sleep for another three hours. Wakes up and stares at the ceiling.

His phone buzzes. Millie texting him.

“When are you coming home?”

He hasn’t seen her in about a year. He has no desire to see her ever again. He has no desire to see anyone.

“Max. You should be back home, not chasing red herrings all over the earth. You have to run out of dad’s money at some point.”

He wonders what she would say if she knew that he found him – and then lost him again. For good this time. He will never see Jackie again. He’s accepted it. There wasn’t anything else for him to do, because his heart couldn’t stand another chase like that.

“Come live with me and Amir for a while. You should get married. I have lots of friends who are still single. Dad would have wanted you to get married.”

“To a woman,” Max texts back.

“Max,” writes Millie. “He was never good for you anyway. You should come home to your family.”

Max wants to be angry but he isn’t.

He isn’t angry and he isn’t sad and he isn’t happy, he’s just dying.

He tells her things that day that he’s never dared to tell her before.

“You never loved me,” he says. “You wanted me to be something I’m not and I will never be that person and I’m tired of trying to make you proud of the man I am. You’re not my family. Maybe you were once but you’re not now. He was my family. His family was my family. He loved me. Loved everything about me. Loved all the parts of me I hate about myself. Leave me alone.”

He hits send and stares at the ceiling, listening to the sound of her … signal come and go, come and go, come and go. He wonders for a moment how she’ll end up replying, but he doesn’t really care.

Her dots are still trying to find the right words at the bottom of the screen when he picks up the phone to text her again.

“It’s his birthday,” he sends. “Today would have been his birthday.”

She never gets the chance to answer. He blocks her number and he goes back to bed.

------------

He is awake again at one, a small – what’s the opposite of a mercy? One more fuck you from the universe. Wake up, Max, demands his body. Wake up, I am starving.

“Deal with it,” he mutters to his own stomach, burying his face beneath his pillows.

But his phone buzzes again. He flops onto his back and picks it up just to look at Jackie’s face, ignoring the CARA email popping up across his screen. He should probably unsubscribe from those, but he’s never been able to bring himself to do it.

You should get up, his body begs.

He doesn’t want to.

He would want you to, answers some aching part of him. He would hate to see you like this.

And the part of him that usually answers ‘he doesn’t even know who I am’ or ‘he sent me away’ or ‘it doesn’t matter what he would want, he will never see me again’ or ‘most likely he’s dead now’ – well, this part of him is drowned out, for once, by one thought:

It’s his birthday. It’s his birthday. He would want you to take care of yourself and how can you say no to him today?

“You torture me, you know that?” he says. But no one will hear it. Jackie doesn’t haunt him anymore.

He’s just gone.

Max drags himself out of bed and makes his way to the bathroom.

Motherfuck, he’s a mess.

He gives himself a sarcastic thumbs up and puts his hands down on the sink, taking a moment to breathe.

Twenty minutes later, he has showered, shaved, brushed his teeth, and changed into clean clothes, ready to go.

Just kidding.

Twenty minutes later and he’s still staring at himself in the mirror.

What the hell is wrong with me? he thinks to himself, his arms shaking as he holds himself up. Just get in the shower. Just take your clothes off and get in the shower. It’s easy. You probably stink right now. All you have to do is get in the shower.

He can’t do it.

He can’t make himself move.

He can’t take a shower.

A dry sob leaves his mouth, just the one. He stares down at the sink, his heart trembling in his chest.

Okay. Plan B. Just do what you can do, Max. Just do what you can do.

He brushes his teeth without toothpaste for about thirty seconds. Rubs on deodorant and pushes his hair out of his eyes. Changes his shirt and pants. He can’t get socks on – he’d have to go find a pair of them, and that feels impossible – but he puts his shoes on and grabs his wallet.

He still feels like a mess, but he always does these days.

He finds himself wandering with almost no idea where he’s going to go, which he thinks is probably symbolic of his mental state or some shit, but really just means that he’s hot and tired and wishes he had stayed home. But he’s going to get himself something to eat. He owes Jackie that much. The two of them always loved getting food together. When Max had been too shy to flirt with him openly, his only way of expressing what he felt was in buying Jackie coffee and snacks and lunch or cooking for him while they worked on cases together. He never actually expected it to go anywhere. They were eating fish and chips on the beach the first time Max caught Jackie looking at him the way Max had always looked at him. He’d just blushed and turned away, and Max didn’t mention it again, but it meant something. It meant something. The sunset was golden on the water.

Afterwards, when their relationship began to change, making or getting food together was their most common past-time. Saturday nights were always Max’s favorites. They’d made breakfast for dinner and have a movie night or go star-gazing or swimming or just walking around the city. And everything would feel nice and warm and easy. Stomachs full of warm pancakes and sausage. Hands in each other’s hands.

Max is lost enough in thought that he jolts hard when his shoulder slams into somebody else’s. There’s a surprised reply in Spanish, a body moving away from his own, and he turns to see a young man looking back at him even as they move away from each other. His eyes are dark as empty skies and thick black curls frame a strong face – a strong face with a soft, dark mouth, curling slightly up in a forgiving smile as his body, fit and lean, moves gracefully away from Max on the –

Max jolts a second time, a ragged gasp torn from his mouth as he turns away, guilt bursting and oozing all across his chest like a science fair volcano with faulty paper mache. He darts down the street, heart racing, cheeks hot. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he whispers to himself, voice ragged. “Jackie is a prisoner and you’re here looking at other men, being attracted to other – what the fuck is wrong with you, how could you possibly – ”

He cuts himself off with another dry sob, hiding his face as he moves down the street as fast as aching legs will carry him. There’s something gnawing on his thumping heart.

“Let’s just get something to eat and go the fuck back home.”

He finds an open cornershop and starts grabbing things. Jerky for some protein and a few packs of crisps. Bananas and oranges so the room will smell like something other than his own body. Starbursts. They’re sitting in the candy row all sweet and innocent, and he doesn’t even want to eat them, he just wants them, he just wants them, he wants to be with Jackie in a motel hallway, tossing candy into his mouth and listening to him laugh, I’m sorry, Jackie, I meant to save you, I tried, I love you –

“Hey,” says the cashier in Spanish, staring at him. “You’re really shaking, man.”

Max fumbles with his wallet, trying to translate in his head. “I’m okay,” he manages to reply.

“Are you sure? Do you need a hospital?”

“Please just ring me up,” he says in English, because his Spanish isn’t that good, because he’s never clever enough, never fast enough, never strong enough, never enough to get his heart back, never enough to protect the man he loves, and all he wants are his fucking Starbursts.

She rings him up carefully, counting out his return cash. Max hears something shuffle behind him and turns to see Chase and Henrik staring at him from beside the drinks machine. Chase carries a silver gun in one hand and grips Henrik’s arm in the other. The doctor’s eyes are dark with terror and exhaustion. Both of them stare directly at him, unspeaking. Max shivers and turns away, grabbing the plastic bag and hurrying out of the store.

The streets feel menacing and confining and he remembers running through the crowds with Jackie and Jameson, hunted by a monster while everyone else just went about their day. If Anti was really here, no one would know. No one ever knows. No one ever catches him. No one ever even sees but him. He’s a shadow, he’s a mirage, he’s a ghost, and Max is the one he’s haunting, the only one he’s haunting.

There’s a flash of blue eyes in the crowd. “Leave me alone!” he shrieks, falling back against a mailbox, and startled murmurs kick up in the people around him, everyone turning to look at him with confusion or alarm or disgust. He grabs his tan coat closer around his body and keeps moving, panting hard. Is this even the way back to the hotel?

“You’re losing it, Max!” he tells himself, gripping at his phone, at Jackie’s picture. “You’re losing it and this time what are you going to cling to pull you out of your own head? You can’t go find him this time. You can’t go looking.”

And the truth beneath that fact is that Max feels terribly, terribly alone, and he doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him now.

Someone says something to him in Spanish, but it never registers. His eyes are blown, his mouth trembling as he parts the crowd, hurrying down the sidewalk. He sees, again, white hair and blue eyes, and his heart all but stops, fury rising in him hot and painful. Anti is on the other side of the street, holding Jameson by the collar, pulling him back towards an alleyway. JJ’s wrists are hand-cuffed and blood leaks from his nose. “Leave him alone!” Max howls, and the part of him that knows it is not real is drowning in his need to do something, his need to do anything, his need to not feel helpless for two seconds of his life. “Don’t touch him! I promised Jackie I would look after him!”

Anti turns and smiles at him, disappearing and re-appearing as people pass around him. Max shoves his way forward, heaving for air, his eyes burning with hatred. His feet find dark pavement dotted in yellow.

“You took everything from me!” he shouts. “You took my heart away from me! Leave Jameson alone! Leave them alone! I wanted to kill you for what you did to them! I would rather you have left me dead than this!”

Someone cries out in alarm behind Max. He hears the roar of the car’s engine for only a moment. Anti throws Marvin’s head back and laughs.

Something collides with Max. He’s thrown back hard and blood wells on the street where his skull smacks into it, unconscious, his crisps and oranges scattered across the concrete.

--------------------

He comes blurrily back to consciousness.

Everyone is talking in Spanish.

He can’t seem to understand a word of it.

He attempts movement and crumples back down to the ground, whimpering, and immediately hands are surrounding him to hold him carefully down. Sticky blood clings to his face. His ribs are shifting unnaturally in his chest, sending fire across the whole of his body. All he can do is shake.

Someone is talking about help and ambulances. “No el hospital,” he manages frantically, his hands clawing weakly at the pavement. “No el h-hospital.”

“Necesitas ayuda!”

“I’ve had a lot worse than this,” he cries, blood budding in his mouth. “I’ve done a lot w-worse than this! I’ve shattered bones beneath my hands, I’ve had my bones shattered just to keep my cover, I’ve done everything, everything, I just want… I just want…”

He had done things he was ashamed of now, things he hoped were for the greater good, but things that haunted him nonetheless. And then it had been over, and he was alone with his guilt. He couldn’t bear to be a cop anymore and he couldn’t bear to be a fighter, and all he had wanted – all he had wanted in the whole goddamn world – was to go home to Jackie.

And Jackie was gone.

“You need a hospital,” someone tells him in English.

“No,” he groans, clinging to the shirt of whoever’s closest. “No. No tengo mis… mis papeles. I just want to go home.” The worried discussion on his every side only increases. He can’t go to a hospital. He’s not even in this country legally. He snuck JJ and Jackie in at the border from Colombia.

“Una medica,” he hears someone say. “Cerca de la iglesia de Santo Domingo.”

His hand slumps back onto the pavement. Blood slides down his fingers. He passes out again.

---------------------

It’s his fourth time waking up today when he comes to.

There’s a woman hovering over him, unraveling gauze and popping gum. On her chest, the fat head of a dark-eyed baby pokes out of a blue cloth wrap, strapped to his mother’s chest. The baby glares at Max and gurgles, bubbles forming on his sleepy baby mouth.

“You’re awake,” says the woman, picking his head up in her hands. He can still feel the sting of disinfectant as she wraps his head steadily in gauze. Around and around. Max stares dazedly up at her, tasting blood in his mouth.

“I got hit by a car,” he says finally. She snorts out a laugh and her baby spits, wagging his chubby baby hands out of his swaddling.

“You did,” she says. “You’ve got some busted ribs, a lot of bruising, probably a concussion.”

“Wonderful,” he murmurs, closing his aching eyes. It hurts to move and breathe and think and exist, but he’s not angry. He’s not angry and he’s not sad and he’s not happy. He’s just dying.

But, small cruelties – the universe wasn’t willing to finish him off right then and there.

“You should be so lucky,” says the woman. “Could have been a lot worse. And the people who hit you knew about me. Very lucky for an illegal.”

“Who are you?”

“Just a medic. If you can’t go to the doctor, you can come here. My name is Nina Vasquez.”

“I’m Max,” he answers.

“Hi, Max. Want to tell me why you were running into the street without watching where you were going? If you’re on drugs, just tell me what. I need to know to give you pain medication.”

He sighs, which is a mistake. Ow. “No, I’m not on drugs. Just losing my mind all on my own.”

“What’s wrong?”

“You really don’t want me to dump all that on you.”

“Long as you can lie still while I clean up these bruises, I do,” she replies, her voice professionally unbothered. “Small pinch here.”

She puts a needle full of anesthetic around a cut in his side to numb it before pulling out a stitching needle. Her baby reaches for it enthusiastically, kicking his legs beneath his wrap.

“Your baby is beautiful,” he mumbles. “What’s his name?”

Nina threads the needle through his side. “Jose Enrique,” she says, her stern voice going soft and fond. “He’s three weeks old.”

Max stares up at the mischievous, pretty little baby. Jose stares back at him, sucking on his fist.

“It’s my fiance’s birthday,” he says.

Nina snorts again, shooting him a quizzical look. “That’s a cause for sprinting into the street? Did you forget to buy her a present or something?”

“He’s been missing for about a year now.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

He stares up at the ceiling, patting around his body, trying to find his phone.

“Your groceries are ruined,” says Nina. “But here.”

She hands him his phone. The screen is cracked, but the stubborn thing survived. He presses the power button and through the pain of his broken ribs, he smiles to see Jackie looking back at him, safe and happy in his memories.

“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Nina asks.

“No… just been having some weird impulses.”

“You should be with someone.”

“There is no one to be with,” he murmurs.

“Friends? Family?”

“He was my only family. I used to have friends, but – ha. Been about a year and a half since I talked to them. I was undercover for a while, and then trying to find him.”

“You should reconnect,” she says. “You really shouldn’t be alone. Are they here in Lima?”

He laughs. Another mistake, but it doesn’t much matter. He’s already dying.

“No. Home in the UK.”

She pauses, eyebrows raised, looking at.

“What?” he asks, rubbing at his bruised, exhausted face.

“You’re that far away from anyone who knows you?”

He stares up at the ceiling, playing with his hair.

She turns back to his ribs. “Maybe you should go home,” she says. “I think you’ll find people more forgiving than you might expect. Especially if your fiancé had friends, they would understand.”

“I’ll think about it,” he murmurs.

“No,” says Nina calmly, and Max looks up at her, startled. Jose seems to be waving a warning hand at him, covered in slobber. “No, you’ll do something about it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sit up for me, I want to see if you can. Good. You must be tough, Max. But no one’s supposed to be tough enough to survive shit like this on their own. So here’s what you’re going to do: you’re going to take the pain medication and antibiotics I prescribe you. You’re going to find a therapist to speak with. You’ll reconnect with some friends and you’ll either find a place to stay back home where you’re not alone or you can stay here with me and my organization.”

She snips off the excess string on his stitches and sets her needle down, crossing her arms over her baby and staring at him.

“I don’t even know you,” Max begins.

“Don’t care,” says Nina, flicking hair from her eyes. “I’m a doctor and you’re my patient, so this is what you’ll do to work on getting better.”

“Maybe I don’t want to get better,” he answers.

She looks at him for a long time. Eventually, she sits down on the examination table beside him.

“I got to see him, you know,” he says, sitting at her side, staring at the white walls of her little clinic. “Just for a few days. I found him. And he needed me. He really needed me. He was scared, and hurt, and he had lost himself. We were going to go home… but I couldn’t protect him. I let that monster get his hands on him again, and… now I’ll never see him. I have to live knowing he’s in pain somewhere in the world. That he needs me and I can’t be there. And all this searching… and those days we had together… they were useless. They were worthless. I can never be enough to save him.”

There’s a clock ticking somewhere. He prays that Jameson is safe. And Henrik would love a little clinic like this. Max hopes he’s okay. Chase would be helping him to run it. Marvin would have control of his own body again. Jackie would be happy, looking after them. Looking after himself. But it’s all just a fantasy, and the hope of being with him again has faded from Max’s heart.

“Did you get to take care of him for a little while?” asks Nina.

Blue hoodies and safe hotel rooms and as much food as they could eat. He nods, biting down on his lip. For the first time in weeks, there are tears in his eyes.

“Did you make him smile?”

Max rubs at his eyes and shrugs. “Sometimes.”

“Did you tell him you loved him?”

“Of course,” he says. “Fuck. Like it was the only truth in the world.”

“Then it wasn’t all worthless.”

He closes his eyes and sighs as deep as he can without feeling like he’s being stabbed. She might have a point, but it still feels hollow.

“And for the record,” she says. “It’s not the only truth in the world, Max. Sounds like you’ve been obsessed for a while. But you did everything that you could, and there are other things – other people – worth living for.”

He snorts, shaking his head miserably. “Maybe you’re right. But I don’t know how to believe that anymore.”

“Well, I’ve already given you your start,” she says. “Stay here with my friends and I. Or, if you want, I think it would be good for you to go home to the UK. Talk to someone. Professionals and your friends. Remember the things you used to live for.”

“It feels like betraying him,” he whispers, clutching Jackie’s image in his hands. “It feels like letting him go.”

“Well,” she says. “Maybe he would want you to.”

Jose reaches out and touches Max’s arm, stroking his soft baby fingers down his skin. He looks across at Nina and she smiles gently back.

“And it’s his birthday,” she says. “How can you tell him no today?”

-------------------

Nina needs to put Jose down for a nap, so she calls some friends to give Max a ride home.

He spends most of it staring dully at the window, clutching at his burning ribs, enduring the sympathetic looks from the kids in the front seat.

“You sure you don’t want to stay with us?” asks the boy, smiling at him. “We don’t bite, I promise.”

He’s so tired he can’t even give him a polite smile. He shakes his head, mumbling out a thank you.

“That must hurt,” says the girl, though she has some pretty intense scars of her own as far as Max can see. “Pretty cool, though, getting hit by a car and just walking it off.”

“It’s not cool, Genesis, shut up!”

“You shut up!”

“You!”

“You – ”

“Hey,” he croaks, spotting a familiar sight, his eyes flickering. “Can you guys stop real quick?”

Genesis and Hermann exchange looks, but they pull over obediently.

Max gets shakily out of the car. “Just a second,” he says.

He’s standing in the front of the marketplace.

Slowly, he makes his way over to a small stand glowing with silver jewelry, the same stand where Jackie once bought Marvin a rose ring for Christmas. Max’s tiger eyes fall gently on rows of Peruvian silver, his fingers tracing along the cases, until at last he finds a pair of thin silver bands, non-descript and paired to be worn together, with a faint blue line weaving through the center of both.

He buys them from the shopkeep with a soft “gracias” and limps back to the car.

“Everything okay?” asks Hermann gently.

“No,” says Max. “But I hope it will be, some day.”

They take him back to his hotel. Max climbs tenderly out of the car.

“Hey,” says Genesis, hefting a plastic bag of groceries at him. “For you, man. Eat something.”

“Oh, no, please, you’ve already – ”

“Just take it,” she says.

Max takes the oranges and rolls and bubblegum soda and cheese and sliced turkey.

“Goodbye, sir,” says Hermann. “I hope everything turns out okay.”

“Thank you,” murmurs Max. “Goodbye.”

The car rolls away. He watches it go.

He limps back to his room and sits down on his bed, and he wants to go back to sleep. He just wants to go back to sleep. He doesn’t want to be angry or sad or happy anymore. He just wants to sleep. He just wants to die.

But Jackie wouldn’t want that for him.

Jackie wouldn’t want any of this for him.

And how can he say no to him today?

Max doesn’t go back to bed. He pulls out his laptop for the first time in days. It takes just a few minutes to find a ticket back to England.

Pay now? asks the screen.

Max reaches into his pocket and pulls out the pair of silver bands, slipping them gently on to his ring finger. An odd weight makes him look down, and there, beneath where the rings sat, is a very squished, very melted, very dirty packet of Starbursts.

He opens them carefully and pulls out a red, and like he often has done with anything that reminds him of Jackie, he turns his head and looks carefully around, waiting for the memory of him to appear.

But the room is empty. Max is alone. No one calls his name. Jackie isn’t there.

“And you won’t be again,” he whispers. “Will you, Juice Box?”

Maybe it’s not a bad thing that Jackie doesn’t haunt him anymore. Maybe ghosts make choices too.

Jackie would want him to be happy.

Max buys the ticket.

“Happy birthday, Jackie,” he whispers, and he places that red Starburst on his tongue, and he chews very slowly.

His phone buzzes.

“Hey, Max,” reads a text from an old friend. “I know it’s been a while since we talked, but I’ve been worried about you. Think we can meet up to talk sometime?”

Beneath the notification, Jackie is standing in the sun, his eyes alight, and he is smiling.

[chaoslordjoe]

Bloodlines AU - Misfire

The following skit you are about to read is based on a roleplay between me and my friend @darksaiyangoku involving my BlackSun offspring, Alex Belladonna. Dialogue has been tweaked to break free of me and others’ usual transcript format.

Blake guided her daughter through a killing house constructed from a spare shack outside her family’s manor. Alex had her flintlock-esque pistol at the ready scanning the room, while Blake had Gambol Shroud aimed at their 6′o clock as they both kept scanning. 

All targets eliminated on the 1st and 2nd floors. But the clock was running as the third floor had one room left. With 50 seconds to go, they had to find it.

“Who’s taking which side, mom?” Alex inquired.

“You take the 3 on the left,” Blake answered when they stopped at the door to the target room. “I take the 3 on the right.”

“Got it, got it.” Alex replied with a nod.

Shifting Gambol Shroud into it’s kusarigama form, Blake swung it across the room being careful not to hit Alex or their her own targets. With a viscous shout, she went for the kill.

Alex peaked inside, twirling her flintlock and snapping her fingers. In it spawned an orb of ghost-fire which she quickly bounced off into the door frame and inside. But the fire didn’t burn anything up, instead it was meant to blind targets which thankfully affected neither Huntress present.

------------------------

Blake was not impressed by her kid’s stunt. Sun immediately noticed when they came back appearing irritated.

“Okay...Let’s just take some space from each other, girls.” Sun offered.

“Yeah, dad.” Alex sulked, handing Sun her pistol.

Blake sighed. “I’m gonna go see mom for a bit, honey.” She told Sun.

Before Sun could ask if training really sucked that hard, their daughter went straight to her room while Blake headed to the gardens.

Inside the tiny greenhouse, Kali was busy feeding the fish. One of her favorite activities while Ghira was off on diplomatic work. Had to kill time somehow when your spouse is a politician.

Kali greeted Blake who sulked over to the bench.

“Great...” Alex moaned from her bedroom window, shutting it and putting on her cat earbuds booting up one of her RPGs on the computer.

“Hey mom.” Blake said.

“Is everything okay, dear?” Kali asked, seeing Blake shake her head. “Would you like to talk about it?” She then offered.

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.” The assassin answered. “Training with Alex got a little...Overwhelming.”

“Overwhelming?” The grandmother questioned.

“Well, no. It’s hard to find the right words, but the way Alex is progressing has me concerned. She’s way too comfortable using magic during combat, almost to a fault. It’s lazy and frankly, irresponsible. What if she ends up attacking one of her teammates by mistake? I got lucky, I’m not sure others would.” Blake rambled.

Sun peaked in seeing his wife in her current state of Blake-y-ness. In an attempt to break the tension he offered to check on their little girl after asking if the women needed anything.

Kali replied with some of her son-in-law’s famous banana cream pie. Going to check for leftovers, Sun then turned to Blake. She requested her husband to go fix up some tea. Soon as he left, Kali offered to go talk to Alex later on. To which Blake reassured that she could handle it.

------------------------

Last she left off, the teen was fighting a loot boss. The Belladonna scion frowned, tail flicking along with her ears being drooped as she left-clicked away at the boss’ minions thinking about how upset she made her mother.

An hour after a kitchen search for leftover pie and some tea, Sun went up to Alex’s room, knocking on the door to see her in sad sack mode.

“Ale- -”

“SHIT!” Alex exclaimed, slipping out of her chair and dropping her headset on the carpet floor. “Ohh, fuck my life. Need something, dad?” She asked Sun while attempting to ensure her ears weren’t cracked.

“Yeah. How you doing, pumpkin?” Sun cooed.

“Eh. Tell you the truth, I feel like I really screwed things up with mom.” Alex answered.

“How much did you hear?” Sun continued.

“Enough to know that my training is probably on hold.” She bitterly answered.

“You’re not in trouble, honey.” Sun corrected her. “Otherwise you probably wouldn’t be farming this boss here. Also, Fire Resistance affix. Just saying.” He then joked.

“I tried using the best fire gem I got.” She shrugged. “Anyway, I’m guessing mom wants to talk?” The girl asked.

“Well, you grandmother does.” Sun replied.

Immediately getting the memo, the young sorceress gave her father a thankful kiss on the cheek going downstairs to join Kali in the gardens.

------------------------

Seeing that the tea was ready as she poured herself a cup, Kali smiled at her granddaughter who was awkwardly staring at the floor, ears flattened.

“You wanted to see me, granny?” She asked.

“I did. Come here, sweetie.” Kali insisted, patting a seat.

While the matriarch swirled her tea, Alex’s ears seemed to flatten further expecting a scolding. Kali wasn’t always the fun grandparent, after all.

“I think mom’s angry.” The younger cat began.

“She’s not angry. Just concerned.” Kali corrected.

Shaking her head, Alex muttered something. “I can handle my Magic. I’m not- -Granny, I’m using it to- -”

“Can you repeat that?” Kali asked, cupping one of her Human ears.

“I’m using my Magic because I’m not scared of it!” The teen blurted. “Back when mom was feeling worried about if I had dad as my favorite, I overheard her talking about how it felt like she was scared of her own Semblance again!”

Although Kali was stuttered, she still offered a hug. “Oh, honey. Come here.” She said, embracing her.

“I like to show it off because I don’t want you guys to worry so much.” Alex said with her and Kali’s animal ears brushing up. “But- -I don’t know where to start with hiding it.” She admitted when they released.

“I never said anything about hiding it all.” The elder cat said. “I’m proud of having a sorceress for a granddaughter.” She admitted.

What Kali spoke of was the presence of magical beings in this post-Salem world of Remnant. In Ozpin’s ascension to the afterlife so that he could finally be at peace, he had made a deal with the deity brothers to destroy the four Relics, spilling their energies out into Remnant.

This ‘Reliquary Cascade’ had even gone so far as to bring back select magi from the old world before the collapse of the first iteration of Humanity. But in Alex’s case, she received powers of witchcraft from being near a shrine full of dark magics. 

The shrine detonated, causing her as a kitten to being stuck in a space between the spiritual and physical planes of existence on Remnant. Now, she primarily uses her powers as a means of crowd control with hexes, circles and lots of ghost-fire.

“I mean, I know the whole ‘secret society’ thing we have going on.” Alex continued, despite not being a member of it. “If I or any other magical kids show off our powers, people freak out. So I like to show it off in your company.” She then confessed with her shoulders slumping.

Showboating was one of Alex’s habits she picked up. Being a prankster like her dad, Sun, she always enjoyed a good joke or display of awesomeness. There were a lot of green fireworks on Menagerie’s day of independence.

“I get it now. We’re not saying to stop, just maybe take a step back for a bit during your training?” Kali suggested. “Your mother wants your physical prowess to be at peak condition. And your powers are wonderful, but it shouldn’t have to be your end-all-be-all style.”

“Right.” The younger cat replied. “I wanna be as badass of a swordswoman as her, if not more. I’m just not a kitten anymore, Gran. I gotta prove it. Was I lost in the moment?” She pondered.

“Maybe a little.” Kali answered with a nod.

“Clock was ticking, so I had to think of something. I don’t even have a good one in mind for blinking to a target.” She said in reference to her ability to teleport a short distance. “Did your Semblance ever scare you?” She then asked.

Kali gave a grim pause.

“...Very much.” She finally answered. “Alex...My Semblance was as dangerous as it came. You’ve heard about the myths of the Berzerks, right? The ones your Aunt Nora told you about?” Kali asked.

“You were one of ‘em.” She plainly guessed.

“Yes, and that was also my Semblance.” Her grandmother answered. Almost like a war flashback. “I was much stronger and faster but at the cost of my sanity. I would lose myself more and more every time I used it.”

“How’d you keep it together?” Alex asked.

“It took plenty of training, combined with intense meditation.” Kali said looking less horrified. “In the end, my Semblance was more focused. My sanity was kept intact and it helped me during battle.” She admitted with another smile.

“Was this before or after you met grandpa?”

“During, actually.” Kali answered, her old smile widening. “You’re not a kitten, Alex. You’re growing up to be a fine magi and Huntress. And we couldn’t be prouder of you for that.” She said, now grinning.

------------------------

Finishing her tea and giving her grandmother a quick hug, Alex ran up to Blake’s room to see her less irritated on the bed and relaxing with a book. She tried knocking on the door only to step on a squeaky floorboard.

“I know it’s you, Alex.” Blake spoke without her eyes diverting from the book.

“You got me.” She said, opening the door fully.  “I just talked with gran. How are you feeling?” The teen then asked.

Blake still didn’t remove her gaze from the book.

“A little disappointed, I won’t lie.” She scolded. “You’ve got a knack for magic and I won’t forbid you from using it, but you can’t just throw it out there willy-nilly. It’s dangerous.” She then added.

“Yeah, I...I was being a moron about it.” She admitted. “I just wanted to prove that I didn’t fear my own powers. That I coulda used it in a...Clutch moment.” Her ears flattened as she confessed her mistake. “I just wanted to see if we were cool. And if we could try again tomorrow.”

Looking up from her book and sighing, Blake sat up.

“Alex, I understand what you’re feeling and that you don’t fear your powers. That you’ve learned to embrace them.” She said, holding her daughter’s chin up. “But using them too much is another extreme. If you focus too much on your witchcraft while neglecting your other skills, they can falter. You gotta keep in mind how others could be affected if any of your spells backfire.” She concluded.

“I can’t live with the idea of them affecting you, dad, Gran, or anyone else who’s not in my crosshairs hanging over my head. I’m- -Well, I’m sorry.” Alex moped.

And then, Blake embraced her kitten. “I’m sorry too.” She replied.

Their remorseful hug lasted for a minute, with Alex pillowing the side of her head into Blake’s chest with the tension gone.

“What’s tomorrow looking like, then?” She asked.

Blake smiled.

“Another training session.” She answered.

------------------------

By the time they reached the third room of the killing house again, there were 20 seconds left. Alex noticed her targets popping up rapidly as if it were Whack-A-Grimm.

“Crap, I can’t make out which is which!” Alex exclaimed.

“Use those sticky bombs I gave you.” Blake insisted, cocking Gambol Shroud and firing.

Alex nodded, using some of her mother’s sticky grenades she borrowed. She chucked both and hit one target. Could’ve hit the second, but the buzzer blared with Blake winning the challenge.

“Argh!” Alex grunted. “Okay, mom. We’re even.” She conceded, inserting a fresh clip into her pistol.

“That wasn’t so bad, Hellcat.” Blake admitted. “Though, this is what you get for neglecting your physical condition.” She teased.

“Yep. Guess I’ll join dad and Yang in the gym next time before this.” The teen snarked.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I’ve worked up a good appetite. You hungry?” ?her mother offered.

“Normally I’d ask about kahuna burgers.” She replied.

“But we’ve got salmon fillets!” Blake beamed.

“Oh fuc- -Er, hell yeah.” Alex caught herself.

“I’ll pretend you almost didn’t swear, young lady.” Blake said with a glare.

“Yes, mother.” She said. “Let’s eat!”

[wildmoonflower]

Run For Your Love

Summary: Who would have thought that a morning run can bring You something else than just a strong urge to die or kill Your friends? You didn't expect to meet the love of Your life, that’s for sure.

A/N: This is my short addition for @kitkatd7 challenge with prompt 'Please don't make me.' Congratulation on the beautiful milestone and thank You for extending the dead-line. :) Hope You all enjoy the reading. Pairing: StevexReader Warning: none, maybe some light swearing Word count: 2749

  First golden rays of sun lit up the pink sky, foretelling a sunny beautiful day. Warm breeze ruffled the leaves on the trees, their pure green colour clear indication of late spring. Despite the early hour, the park in New York already bustled with life and sounds. Pet owners chatting while their furry friends run around, more than often disturbing the peace of readers, spread on the blankets or the concentration of artist, trying to catch the beauty of the morning on the canvas and papers. Stony paths were busy with life too as runners were having their morning run, loners and couples alike. 

  One particular pair of runners stood out more than others. With the speed higher than some sleepy eyes could notice and movements more fluid and swift than humanly possible, it was given that two super-soldiers stood out like a sore thumb. There was a time when Bucky hated when Steve forced him to go run with him out in the open, not in the closed space of the gym with the special treadmills Tony created for their super-human speed. 

"You have to get used to normal society, Buck," Steve gave him a pity smile,"show them your calm, domestic side, not only the new Avenger." Bucky understood, he really did, but it didn't mean he had to like it, nor enjoy it. So he forced himself out of the bed every morning for his sake and honestly, it was worth it seeing Steve's relieved face mixed with pride. 

After running at almost full speed for an hour, finally both super-soldiers were slightly out of breath, finding their spot under the tree that casted a huge shadow, giving the shelter from the sun to several more people, including a young girl reading a medical book, an elderly man in great shape who was currently in a weird yoga pose that looked as if he broke his back and two young men who clearly finished their run too, their breath quick and short, faces red and sweaty. They were waiting for somebody, Bucky could easily tell from their bodies slightly turned to side so they could see the paved path, his sensitive ears catching something like 'slow, angry, won't go with us ever again'. 

"Buck? You listening?" Flinching, Bucky looked up to Steve. He knew Bucky still hasn't lost his habit of scanning the area and people around, looking for any indication of danger, escape routes and possible weapons. But this time, Steve couldn't bring himself to say anything as he always did the same, his super senses and brain analyzing and planning, a habit he rarely tried to stop. "Sam said he can go run with us tomorrow when he comes back from the mission." "He tries too hard to keep up." Bucky grumbled but in the end, he was glad. Tower tended to be quite intense when Tony and Buck were in the same room and without Sam's constant shouting and attempts to distract Bucky, his tension grew. 

"You say that but who was running backwards right next to him last time, nice and slow just to piss him off?" Steve jabbed at Bucky, laughing at his friend who doubled over and proceeded to almost slip up, sending both into another fit of laughter, succesfully ending their run as both men slid down in the shadow of a big oak tree, revelling in the comfortable buzz of life around them. Not that either of them needed the rest. It was Sam's idea, his way of lifting spirit after a bad day, night or a bad mission. Bucky had to chuckle just how much Sam-like it was, surrounding himself with life and hustle of humans. 

Their peaceful silence was short-lived when huffing puffing woman suddenly stopped next to the spot where they sat, collapsing right in front of them. Before any of them could even overcome the shock, hard breathing woman raised her fist and smacked Steve in his shin, the anger and frustration clear in her voice. "Thank you for waiting for me, you two pricks!" Unknown girl hid her face in the crook of her elbow, breathy voice muted: "You promised you won't leave me behind if I will go on a run with you. And you disappeared. After. Five. Minutes!" Each of her last words were ended with a smack in Steve's shin, who was now forcing back the smile while Bucky was already trembling, his left hand pressing against his ribs. 

"Uhmm, Ma'am?" Steve cleared his throat as it constricted at the sight of her eyes shooting open, burying in his soul. In his head, tens of colour combination swirled around, trying to copy the beautiful colour he was seeing but Steve knew- he knew that no matter how much practice he has in drawing, neither him nor any artist would ever be able to catch the true beauty of mysterious woman's eyes.  Little, barely noticeable crow's feet in the corner of her eyes from laughing and at looking at the sun, much more prominent spark, a sign of keen mind and undeniably, Steve's breath did hitched a little at their warmth. Simply, everything about her eyes pulled Steve in, even a small mole on her right eyelid tempted Steve to kiss it. "Oh my God." Woman whispered, still lying down on the soft grass, "oh my God, you are not my two idiots!"

´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´ The moment Y'N's alarm rang in the morning, at the time when the bed just looked and felt the best, she just knew this day will test her very being. First test was Martin and Jake knocking on her doors, dressed for their run, brimming with energy that Y/N usually felt maybe two hours after waking up. Instead of normal breakfast of toast with bacon and eggs, a small bowl of hummus and banana has been thrusted in sleepy hands as Jake run to the closet, trying to find the good work-out outfit, horrified of obvious lack of presentable clothes, finding only clothes for work and clothes for sleeping while Martin ushered Y/N to bathroom, instructing her to do the morning hygiene.

Y/N still couldn't wrap her brain why did she accept their offer to morning run. She always hated running, her whole life she avoided running, of course, except the P.E. classes. She was what people called a person with two left feet. Clumsy. Inept. Running was dangerous, running was...personal Hell. So why did she suddenly accepted Martin's offer? She didn't know. It was probably the sad expression of her favourite neighbor when she refused at first, maybe the pleading eyes of his boyfriend. 

With the reasons still unknown, an hour later she found herself on her knees, panting like a dog, sweating and even without a mirror, Y/N knew her face resembled a tomato juice. Kneeling in front of two men she didn't know like an idiot, after smacking their legs, like an idiot, while her real two idiot friends were in her peripherals, slapping their knees like retarded seals.

"I-I am sorve!" Y/N's face couldn't be more red as she bit her tongue. At that point, dark haired man looked like he suffered a stroke, one hand pressing deeply in his side while other arm, oddly shining in the morning sun covered his face, whole body shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. It was the other guy that officially took Y/N's last breath away as she locked eyes with most gorgeous blue she has ever seen, softest blue that seemed to burn a hole inside of her now shame-ridden soul. Handsome young face almost couldn't belong to these eyes, to these old, sad, wise eyes. 

Lost in the sea of blue, Y/N didn't notice Martin and Jake approach, her focus snapping when latter crouched beside her, still wiping the tears from his eyes. "Are you okay, Y/N?" Jake handed Y/N a water bottle, turning to Steve when she just opened her mouth just to close it again, like a fish out of the water, staring at Steve and then finally looking down, shaking her head. "We're sorry, man. We underestimated her dislike for running, didn't thought it would break her." "It's okay," Steve shook the outstretched hands one by one, holding Y/N's unconsciously little longer,"I'm Steve. Nice to meet you."

"I'm James." Bucky, finally catching his breath nodded his head and looked at Y/N, eyebrow raised:"Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't you the girl that girl who was pushed into the duck pond last week, by some big dog playing fetch?" Round of laughter passed as Y/N nodded her head and sighed.  "Week before that I slipped on a puddle and took down a running lady."

While Y/N's face was slowly gaining it's normal colour, she watched Steve in the corner of her eye. Now that they were standing, she could see that man was standing tall, unlike his friend who was, despite being almost same height, slightly hunched over, as if trying to be less noticeable or appear less threatening. "Y/N?" Y/N flinched as a hand appeared in front of her face, snapping her out of her bubble. "I have to go back, this took longer than I thought. Are you staying with Jake for another lap or what?" Martin asked, puffing out air at Y/N's horrified expression.

"Please don't make me." Slight tremble in her voice expressed the horror of that thought, ignoring the fake offended gasp of her friend. She could swear she saw a bling of disappointment in Steve's eyes.

"Same goes for us, Stevie." Bucky patted Steve on the back, his eyes shifting between his best friend and Y/N, who were both trying very hard to steal a glance at each other while failing miserably. "I quess we will be seeing you tomorrow?" Satisfied with hums of agreement, Bucky thrown his arm around Steve's shoulder, clicking his tongue. "Punk, You've got it bad!" "....Yeah."

´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´´ "You've got to talk to him more." "Maybe invite him to that nice new coffee shop that opened nearby!" "Or just smile at him, dude looked smitten already." "Or pretend to trip and fall in his big, muscular arms like a damsel." "With the way she looked at Steve yesterday, she will not have to pretend to trip, her knees will give out by themselves!"

These were the words Jake and Martin barged in Y/N's flat with, once again with much more energy than should be be allowed in the morning. Not giving her a chance to think of reply, she was already in her running clothes, shirt a size smaller and not even hers, hugging her curves more.

"In what universe do you guys think I could possibly flirt or make a move on a hot guy?" Y/N pushed out of herself, trying her hardest to keep her breathing slow. 'Inhale with nose, hold, exhale with mouth.' That was her mantra as she ran, her friends jogging beside her with ease. Temperature was lower than yesterday, something Y/N really appreciated as cool breeze stroke her skin. Not that it helped that much when she remembered the way she acted yesterday, heat striking her face as she recalled the number of times Steve caught her staring at him. Deep in her thoughts, she didn't notice the conniving smiles Jake and Martin exchanged. 

Three slips and lots of internal cursing later, a huge oak tree appeared in the distance, the sight causing Y/N's stomach to churn with both excitement and jitters, the butterflies multiplying as she spotted two familiar figures standing next to the tree while third man was sat down, obviously trying to catch his breath, raising a middle finger at Bucky in an instance. Closer they got, the more could Y/N see, realising she knew the third person, a warning sign deep in her head started to flash. A thought bounced in her head, evading her grasp, missing that one piece that would complete the puzzle. Before she could finish the thought, they were few meters away from Steve, Bucky and Sam. 

"Y/N?" Sam asked, carefully standing up, his eyes full of surprise. "You know each other?" Bucky asked incredulously while Steve's attention was jumping around from Sam to Y/N. "Yeah," Y/N nodded weakly,"umm, Jake, Martin, this is Sam. Sam helped my brother when he came back from Iraq TOD." "That's right, man was lucky to have his sister with him all the time." Sam smiled at Y/N, noticing a slight furrow on Steve's face and Bucky's smirk, putting two and two together. "What did you two do to make her get up from bad at this hour. If I remember correctly, Y/N here is not a morning person." "We have our ways." Jake said with angelic smile, jabbing Martin in the side as he muttered:"Even more reasons."

Weekend has many advantages. One of the main is one do not have to hurry. Being a regular weekdays 9-5 workers, Jake, Martin and Y/N made a habit of having a coffee at nearby coffee shop. For Steve, Bucky and Sam, work depended on the bad guys. They never knew when their phones will ring with an order. They just took any free moment to enjoy life. Running, having a chat Buck, train at the Tower with other Avengers, help cook or order a lunch and dinner and end the day with a movie in the main living room.

That is how Steve's free days usually went. At the end of it, he felt as relaxed as he could, trying his hardest to push the mantle of Captain away just for a day but at times, the tightness in his body let out at the evening at best. So now, at the time when the sun just showed up, he was surprised to find himself completely relaxed, sitting beneath the tree's shade, conversing and laughing with his friends and three people he met just yesterday. 

His body was relaxed but his mind was buzzing as every nerve in his body was reacting to a woman sitting beside him. Soft breeze ruffled through her hair now and then, his sensitive nose picking the fresh smell of mint shampoo and her natural scent that came out after her body calmed down from the run. He couldn't help but admire the way Y/N talked, quiet at most times but peep in with quirky comments. Steve knew this feeling. It was more than just interest. Just like with Peggy, he couldn't think straight when she looked at him with her Y/E/C eyes, words coming out of his mouth either too polite or chopped in weird sentences. 

He wanted to know more. About her. Y/N Y/L/N. He wanted to know more about her likes and dislikes, about her brother she so lovingly talked about, about her relationship with her two neighbors she called 'her idiots' in most loving way. Steve wanted to know what songs she sings when she has a good mood. He wanted to know it all. The good and the bad. 

"Wow. It's late again." Martin checked his phone, throwing a side-eye at his boyfriend. "Do you guys have any plans for later?" He turned to Steve,"You free around 12? How about you, Y/N? You know, after shower." Martin baraged his questions at them while Jake, Bucky and Sam stood up, smirking at the panic and confusion of their friends. 

"I'm free?" Y/N looked at Steve, her heart hammering as she noticed him looking at her with a smile. "Yeah, me too." Their attention snapped back at the beaming man clapping his hand together.

"Great! Good. There is a reservation under my name Whitaker. You two enjoy the lunch! See you guys tomorrow!" A round of 'byes' filled the air as everyone run in different direction, leaving Y/N and Steve stumped in shock, still sitting on the grass.

Y/N jumped on the spot as Steve crackled up, pressing both hands on his ribs. Now he understood why Bucky had that gleeful smirk when he returned from his evening walk. 

"I should have known something was off." Steve sighed and looked at Y/N, whose face returned to pink shade. "Can I invite you to a lunch totally planned by our friends?" He was worried, this is not how he would invite a girl out. So when Y/N smiled and took his hand, Steve felt the nervousness and excitement shot right up. He will have a chance to know all the good and bad. "You totally can."

THE END

[modern-oedipus]

Covid Vent

No one: Nila, who goes out maybe once in a month due to covid: *listens to coffee shop sounds in youtube to get in mood*  It’s really hard to maintain social isolation now that it has been 5 months. But the cases are going up and up and up, hitting my friends and their families. I myself had to split houses with my mother because she had covid cases in her work place. I don’t think I’d isolate myself this much if I wasn’t in the risk group, but I am. Knowing that I am most likely to go to intensive care and experience the trouble breathing again like I did during the asthma treatment is not good. The potential permanent damage on lungs, for someone like me whose lungs are already more prone to sickness compared to healthy people, is also a big no, considering that I’m only in my early twenties and if everything goes well and I live a normal life I’d live around 50 more years.  50 more years with a disability or isolating myself at home? Isolation, obviously. But this pandemic doesn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. I am only indoors because both my internships are online & college hasn’t started yet. I know that I’ll eventually have to go out if my college doesn’t switch to online education. It doesn’t scare me at all, though, I am not like, “anxious”. I’m concerned, disturbed, alert, but not in a paranoid anxiety. If I end up catching covid, I’m at least mentally prepared to deal with it. I’m also eating healthy and exercising and don’t really have health problems except for that past-lung-treatments that more or less put me to a risk group (risky enough to concern me, even though I don’t have a chronic illness), so who knows, I might just pass it like a flu as well. No one knows. It’s not good overthinking covid, all I can do is to keep social distancing & mask & hygiene, as always. I’m just so suffocated. I’m more prone to be an extrovert. Before pandemic, I’d only use my house to sleep I’d keep being out in public, attending events, ORGANIZING events, going to coffee shops, club meetings, lots and lots of stage plays, tours, everything. I’d sneak into my friends’ dorms and change cities and just so many more “normal” fun things. I was barely starting to enjoy my life again after the depression healed. Now, I’m mentally ok, but physically trapped. The “watch netflix, read books, stay home” thing is kind of overdosing me right now. I like this shit for a week maybe, not for 5 months. I don’t know how to not risk my mental health while keeping my physical health anymore. Of course, to even HAVE a mental health I need to stay alive, so I’m not complaining- health care workers, people who go to job everyday (including my parents), etc. are in such a harder situation. I know. But my own life is also valid, and while not as troubling and concerning as lives of others right now, well, I think I’m still worth caring, at least by myself. I don’t expect any extra outside compassion or validation (we all are in same situation), me writing my thoughts here is more of me just trying to see my thoughts being worded on screen so that maybe I can come up with a solution to these things as I go. Because I’ve always been a problem-solver rather than just merely venting. (I can’t always solve problems though, I need to work on accepting this fact.) Anyway, I just thought, maybe spending more time outdoors in the natural park that is close to my house could be a good thing. But it’s crowded since it’s outdoors and I really don’t want to share any commonly used areas right now. (I used to be more than okay with this before covid, as I said, I’m mostly extroverted and I like community gatherings, but I like being healthy more), so like... Idk, maybe I can just sort of have phone calls and videochats with my friends as I sit outdoors. Except I don’t even know I have that many friends anymore. I mean, I do- I surely do have bestest of friends in my life that I’m grateful for, but like. I am somehow an introvert magnet and while I’d die for most of my best friends (both irl and online) I don’t really think they are as hype about just chatting as often as I am. (I know that this doesn’t mean they love me any less. They love me in their own way & I love them in their own way so that’s OK.) So like. Maybe Nila, have this BRILLIANT idea of making more friends. Except. Like. You’re at home so you aren’t in much of social gatherings [you aren’t in any! That is insane!] and you don’t really know how to make friends from home. I mean, yes there are online friends but like. EVEN WITH THEM. How can I just *trust* them right away? I can’t, so like. I don’t know. I’m bored af.  On the bright side, today one of my bff from school called me and said he’s back in town and that we should catch up, he’s literally one of the greatest company ever and he wants to see the doggo, so I’m positive we can just have hour 9242309204 hours long in-depth chats again without getting bored (amazing to have people like that in my life). Anyway. I guess the moral of this is:

- I need to accept “the new normal”

- I need to protect myself but try to keep my mental health as good as possible because I like myself more when my mental health is fine and I can also come up with better creations then

- I need to finish my course work (internship) so that I can relax before school starts

- I need to spend more time outdoors but in isolated areas (good luck finding them!) 

- I need to recharge

- I “want to” make more friends or just check up on existing ones! I can’t use the word “need” for this because this would degrade the freedom of the other party. Friends are appreciated, and to some extend, a necessity for social creatures like us, but no “need” will make it happen. I will just make an effort to check up on my existing friends more frequently-- I’m quite selective at this, though, I prefer generally upbringing people who are mature to a certain extend (aka, no obsession, no passive-aggression. yes to personal boundaries, yes to an overall nice attitude [we all can have problems and that’s ok and that’s normal. what /I/ personally don’t wish to be around [with my all respect] is this mindset of “life is a disaster let’s be depressed” thing. I just love love my current friend circle because even if my close friends are just around 7 people, and even if we get depressed or sad or scared, our general look to life is nicer, we don’t make disasters out of regular days, we enjoy talking and chatting, which overall increases our life quality and makes it better. We also communicate & respect & listen to each other and all. I mean. It’s not like that with everyone, and that’s ok, but as I said, this is my personal preference. I prefer having bonds that are good rather than toxic and I am doing my best to be equally good, rather than being toxic to my friends. [I’m sorry I post a lot of Banana Fish to those who don’t know Banana Fish, ok. I know ur bored but like I just cannot help it. I’m trying to tone it down but BANANA FISH.] sOOOOOOOO, SOOOO that’s why it’s not how “i have 29420343204 friends uwu” mindset, like, I noticed I need to be reasonably picky with those I’m close to so that I and people I love can overall have a nice, fun days, which is point of friendship. (I mean. As I said. I’m here on bad days too. But I don’t feel mentally healthy enough to carry the burden of someone else’s depression. It hasn’t even been two months since I’m out of therapy yet, and my mental health is, while not bad, it is fragile. I’d rather not be around those who can [mostly, unwillingly] effect me badly. SO LIKE.  - that’s one hell of a long post nila, but long story short FRIENDS or you’ll die out of boredom

- also just finish your coursework i beg you

- thanks for coming to my ted talk, I actually always offer potential solutions on my vent posts, but this time i wanted to write this publicly [i dont think anyone will read this and i dont mind it] because like. why not? it’s just me thinking and I feel as if this could be of use for some people who are reading this & isolating themselves too. anyway, i love u, stay safe. 

[bioodorange]

hi it's me again (the one who asked for rules). may i please have a matchup? I'm a bi girl & I'm 4'10. I have brown eyes + thick curly brown hair. I have unlimited anxiety 💅. I like to read, study history, & listen to music.I like frogs, dogs, & bunnies.I'm super-affectionate & I love 2 take care of my partner. 💕 I'm v shy & cry easily, but I'm silly + giggly w/ loved ones. nsfw is okay (i'm switch but like to be a soft mommy dom for sub boys 💞) i think ur super cool 🙈 & ily for doing this ❤

yes hun I rememeber ya- it'd be kinda sad if i didn't tbh. ANYWAY! yes i love yall too whenever someone follows me or likes my shit i die- in a good way! anyways here ya are! i was also thinking nurse anne so if you want one for her just tell me :)

|| Puppeteer ||

First off this dude would think you’re so fuckin pretty like what I think his type is visually- BOOM you!

Height doesn’t matter to him but he finds it kinda cute how small you are

He also may or may not watch you struggle to reach something up high before helping out

So no matter how your hair is he’d love touching it, braiding or combing it ( you didn’t mention your skintone but if you’re a POC he’d look into how to style your hair)

I can imagine him giving you like little flowers for your hair or just in general and you’d keep em, maybe press them or something so they’d last

this bitch would die of happiness and hug you when he found out!!

He has a hard time speaking because of his screwed up vocal cords but if you ever had an anxiety attack he’d pull you close until you calmed down

Or if you didn’t want to be touched he’d sit by and talk a bit with you or maybe hum something

He’d learn what set you off or what you didn’t like and try and avoid areas, like that

I can see you guys spending an afternoon reading together, not even the same book as long as your together

John is a PDA mean he needs lots of reasurance and cuddles to make sure he’s doing alright

He’d find your history study very interesting, he’s been dead for a while expect a lot of questions about culture and the current world

Spend an afternoon showing him tiktok or your favorite youtubers and he’ll be in love

IDK what kind of shows you watch but I can see you guys watching She-ra together

Music is another thing, he’s ok with anyting he prefers older stuff he’s comfortable with learning new things

But if you ever gush over some singer he’ll get a bit self conscious, why isn’t it him, why does their music sound so weird??

This mans is totally ok with animals

He’d most likely get you a rabbit, considering they’re easy to maintain and pretty calm

one day you’d come home and hes just sitting there, arms folded on the floor watching some little bunny hop around like “Oh yeah I got this for you-” he doesn’t really understand why you got so happy but hes happy you’re smiling

Affection is good he REALLY needs someone like that, he’ll double check stuff a lot and needs lots of support

Hugs and praise are an easy way to this mans heart

He may not SAY anything about the small gestures you do, like buying an extra bag of the snack he likes or perhaps buying a radio he knows how to use for your room

But he will very much appreciate it

This dude loves the radio, he’s not much of a movie guy and will sit there all day listening to it

He’s happy you’re emotional just cause he can pick up on emotions doesn’t mean he understands them

The first few times you cry he’ll get a bit panicked, but eventually grow used to it and hug you

Dunno why but y’all would watch fuckin banana fish together

NSFW

So this mans doesn’t have much expierence in the bedroom but he really wants to please you.

You being a soft dom is p e r f e c t for this boy

Small praise and guidance is just what he needs

It may take a while but you can definetely coax some noises out of him

His favorite position is missionary, he can see you’re face and wether he’s topping or not, he knows what he’s doing

Change isn’t something he welcomes but he will gladly try something out atleast once if you like

The first few times he tops he’ll be asking you a lot how it feels and going after your pleasure instead if his own

but once he gets into it this mans can work

If you’re all right with it, light bondage holding your wrists up with his strings

Prefers if you call him John but will definetely call you mommy or bunny

As a confident top he’d go for edging and maybe light degradation lots of “you like that baby, hm?” and “I can’t hear you over all that whining”

If y’all ever have quickies its him leading, taking you into some back area and fucking you

Breathplay is a big NO for him, unless its soft kissing or nuzzles he’ll get turned off real fucking fast if you touch his neck or ask him to choke you

But will happily let you suck on his fingers

If you ever squirt its an accident, just him getting a bit carried away

will try and do it a few more times just to watch you

and fucking you in his lap

Thats all

have a good night/day babes <3