#and can you believe that as I described how this scene would go to Lexie

[writingwife-83]

It’s Left Me So Undone

@likingthistoomuch recently said that the lyrics from “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine really fit Molly post the ILY phone call. I chewed up and digested the words as well and totally agreed! So I wrote a somewhat feelsy little one shot from Molly’s POV after the call. Though, naturally, I had to get an actual Sherlolly scene in there too hehe. Enjoy, readers! ;)) And thanks for helping and beta reading @artbylexie ❤️ 

Molly’s fingers lost their grip on her mobile phone and it clattered onto her kitchen counter. She jumped slightly but didn’t bother to pick it back up, instead covering her trembling lips with her hands while gulping back silent sobs. 

As anyone tends to do after an emotionally charged conversation or confrontation, Molly began desperately trying to replay it in her mind; trying to solidify and retain the details as best she could and understand it all fully. And often, after an experience like that, one would naturally tend to bring to mind the things they wish they’d said in hindsight. But strangely enough for Molly...

Not this time.

For one of the first times in the many long and winding years of history with Sherlock Holmes, Molly felt an overwhelming sense of peace and relief. Which was at first perplexing to her, considering the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. 

As she sniffled in shakes breaths and swiped at her face to wipe the moisture away though, she began to realize that the tears weren’t so much sorrow as a simple emotional release. The sort of release that came from lifting a long carried weight from your shoulders and throwing it off along with all the cares that went with it.

No more regrets, nothing unsaid to haunt her during sleepless nights anymore. It was all spoken aloud, she realized while thinking about her end of the conversation. In fact, she couldn’t believe how much honesty had been packed into that tiny little phone call. She was blown away now when thinking of all that had tumbled from her lips without the benefit of forethought. Somehow just the right words had been said. Especially in comparison with some of the darker times in her past with Sherlock.

Is this one of your stupid games?

Why are you doing this? Why are you making fun of me?

I’m not an experiment, Sherlock.

You bastard.

You say it. Go on, you say it first. Say it. Say it like you mean it.

I love you.

Molly let out a heavy breath and actually laughed aloud for just a moment. Some more tears fell as her lips lifted in a shaky smile that was for nobody but her...and pride slowly began to swell in her chest, warm and comforting. 

Toby wound around her legs and silently mewed up at her. She mindlessly bent to scratch his head for a moment while still contemplating all that had just happened. As she straightened up again, she glanced at the cup of tea and pushed it aside with a smirk, reaching instead for her celebratory red wine.

Molly poured herself a glass of the dark and velvety liquid and strolled out of her kitchen and toward the bathroom, Toby following at her heels.

“You coming too? Mummy’s going to take a nice bath,” she said with a smile.

She let out a contented sigh, leaning her head back against the rolled up towel serving as a head rest as she lifted an arm from the water, murky from the bath salts, to view the puckered skin that was developing on her fingers. She didn’t care though. Molly could swear she hadn’t felt this light and free in years. 

Her heart had gotten a much needed restart that evening. 

No, she didn’t believe that her love for Sherlock Holmes had magically flown away the moment the words had left his lips and hers. But there was an aspect of that love that had. The part that held her captive and left her forever deprived, wanting, and unsure. The part that made her wonder ‘what if?’ And the part that forever plagued her with whether she’d missed a chance that would never come around again. That was what she’d finally shaken off.

And it felt magnificent. 

It was dark by the time Molly finally climbed out of the water, her limbs deliciously relaxed and her skin feeling luxuriously smooth, especially after she applied her favorite lotion. And she even slipped into something special to sleep in that night. She only chose to wear that silky button down sleep shirt when she was feeling especially confident and maybe even a little sexy. And somehow it felt really good to put it on tonight, turn off the lights in the rest of her flat, and slip under the covers of her bed early. 

She propped herself up and set her mobile phone to play one of her more uplifting playlists as she also opened her laptop. And for some reason, her eyes almost instantly fell on a file saved to her home screen that was labeled, ‘Get Away.’

Molly smiled, wondering what better time there was than right now to do what she’d been half heartedly planning for months and months. Yes, she did need to get away. She needed a vacation and she had more than enough time coming to her, as well as money that had been set aside for her previously planned honeymoon that was never to be and she’d somehow never had the heart to touch it. Not until now. 

And so she bought plane tickets and booked herself the beautiful vacation in Ireland that she’d so badly wanted, not feeling the need to check with anyone or find out whether the end of the month was a good time to leave or not. It was a good time for her, and finally that was what mattered.

All plans finally having been made, she shut her laptop with a contented sigh and turned off the music on her mobile. She scratched Toby’s head who was purring next to her and softly kneading the comforter, and then slowly sunk down to rest her head on the pillow as she shut off her bedside lamp. 

Molly spared a moment then, in the quiet and darkness, to think of Sherlock. She wondered what, if anything, that phone call had done to him.  There was a large part of her that didn’t believe he was wholly unaffected by their exchanged words. In fact, he really did sound like he meant it. Perhaps he did. Perhaps there was at least just a little corner of Sherlock’s heart that loved her just as she loved him. If so, that felt like more than enough. Either way, she refused to be plagued with the ‘what ifs’ anymore.

That night, Molly Hooper had no trouble drifting off to sleep.

She was awoken a while later though, feeling the mattress dip down slightly with the added weight of another person. After a brief jolt of adrenaline, Molly exhaled in relief...because she quite easily recognized that breathing pattern. She felt Sherlock scoot over under the covers, not far from her back, and then she heard him release a heavy breath. Molly didn’t turn at first, knowing the routine. Not to say that he slept with her in her bed every time he stayed at her flat, but when he did she knew how to act and how not to.

Years ago, the first time he’d climbed into her bed with barely a word, she’d begun questioning him rapid fire about what he was doing and what was wrong and should she move and was there anything he needed...and on and on. But he’d shut her down, not harshly but just firmly. He made it clear that he simply needed to be there. As the months and years passed she began to see more of a pattern. He joined her in bed when he was troubled, when things weren’t ok, when he wasn’t ok. And the idea that he needed space was a bold faced lie that she told others and herself. No, he didn’t need space.

He needed less space and more close contact.

Tonight though, Molly did consider turning and addressing his visit. It wasn’t just that she felt confident enough to do it, she actually felt entitled. But it ended up being Sherlock who made the first surprising move.

Molly’s breath hitched as she felt his arm encircle her middle and gently pull himself in flush against her back. At the same time he dipped his head, burying into the back of her neck and hair. The breathing that she felt against her skin was unsteady, and she began to realize that this wasn’t like any other time he’d hopped under the blankets beside her.

“Forgive me,” he murmured, hot against her neck.

Molly reached up and clutched at his arm around her, feeling how tense the muscles were.

“I do,” she whispered softly and nodded her head, and she felt his hold tighten with the bestowed forgiveness. 

Molly didn’t want to stay just like that though, not anymore. With some effort, she turned over within his hold, facing him almost nose to nose. Her lips parted in a silent gasp when she did, because in the bit of moonlight she could see his eyes now; weary and worn from what looked like tears not long before. 

“Sherlock,” she breathed, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek, thumb stroking the skin gently. 

His eyes connected completely with hers then, and she saw something rather surprising. In some strange way, she saw another version of herself. 

All that night she’d felt that this was a turning point; a time to let the demons from the past go and start fresh, no matter the brief suffering in doing so. What she hadn’t expected was to see the very same thing in Sherlock’s eyes. And it wasn’t just about them or their phone call. It was bigger. Bigger than both of them. Very possibly bigger than Sherlock was equipped to process at the moment, which he confirmed a split second later.

“Please, Molly, please don’t ask. Not tonight,” he requested in a whisper. “Please just...be here.”

Molly nodded silently which tipped her head forward a bit more, causing their noses to actually touch now. And suddenly, like a wave crashing over her from her toes to her head, she realized that she desperately wanted to do more than just ‘be there.’

He must have felt the same thing, because his hand began to slide from around her back to the curve of her waist, his fingers digging in a bit through the fabric of her sleep shirt. And then his face tilted forward…

At the first touch of his lips to hers, she actually felt him pull back momentarily, almost in the same way that you’d pull your foot back from overheated bath water. But in the same way that the pull to the warmth always wins out, coaxing you to step in fully despite the initial sting of the heat, Sherlock’s lips almost immediately came back for more, quickly overcoming the unfamiliarity to sink into hers completely. 

Molly sucked in a breath through her nose as she anchored an arm around his neck and parted her lips in unison with his. He pulled her in tighter, kissed her harder, and even slid his hand down her hip to the where the hem of her shirt fell at her thigh. She hooked her calf around his to hold him that little bit closer.

“You did mean it,” she murmured almost incoherently in a brief separation between their mouths as Sherlock tilted his head to the opposite side, and she felt him nod in answer before he took her mouth again.

She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, kissing and clinging to each other till they were lightheaded and breathless. But finally, a stillness settled in again and they rested their foreheads together, sharing the same air while still holding tight.

“Sherlock,” she began in an unsteady whisper. And despite there being plenty of other statements and questions that would have been completely appropriate at the moment, that wasn’t what came out next. Perhaps those other things could be saved for tomorrow. Instead, she simply said…

“Wanna come to Ireland with me in two weeks?”

For a few moments there was silence, only the sound of Sherlock still catching his breath. Maybe the Molly Hooper from long ago would have instantly taken back the offer and apologized for even speaking the words. But not anymore. No more regrets, she reminded herself with a smile. And her patience was rewarded with his whispered answer a second later.

“More than anything.”

[grimelven]

Character questions: 20, 28, 67, and 86 for your Hawke and/or Lavellan :)

Thanks for asking friend! I'll do these for my Hawkes because I have da2 brain rot rn and I love/miss playing as my Hawkes :’))

20. How would your character define love? 

Alayna: I don't think she really understands the concept of love just yet. She loves her siblings, she knows that, but that’s given. It’s when it comes to the love she feels for her friends or LI she's just like “I get this weird fuzzy feeling when I look at you😐” which is how she’d define love “weird fuzzy feeling.”

Alyxandria: That’s a complicated question for her, I imagine this scene for when the topic of love comes up:

She really said “I'm in lesbians with you,” to Isabela. But I don't think she can describe or define what love is, she just know that what she feels for her friends and Bela is real.

28. When your character was younger, how did they picture themselves growing up? Does it differ from how they really turned out?

Alayna: Definitely not this! She wanted to have a normal life, with a normal home, a normal job and a normal family, but so much death has occurred around her that she didn't have much hopes for her future. Then she got to Kirkwall and all of a sudden she had a new goal in life, protecting her sister and all mages at any cost. (I'm doing a whole redesign of Alayna since I didn't get the far into her playthrough and wanted to change some things around like switching her class to warrior because I've never played as a warrior in da2 before and I think it'll work better for where I want her story to go).

Alyxandria: She had no idea where her life was going, but helping the mage rebellion wasn't even a thought that occurred to her until she got to Kirkwall. Her only plan in life was “Avoid the Templars. Avoid the circle. Protect Bethany from both.” Which she managed well enough, but we all know what happened to Bethany :(

67. What was the most acidic remark your character’s ever given to someone? And their reaction? (I’m pretty sure this means a really hurtful insult, if that not what acidic remark means, my bad y'all)

Alayna: She can say some pretty mean stuff, sometimes she doesn't even realize she's said something horrible at all. But I think it would probably be something she had said to her mother out of anger regarding Carvers death and it being the first time she took a step back like “wow...did I really just say that? That was horrible.” and regretted it how she handled her anger.

Alyxandria: It was definitely to her brother in act one when he's being all bitchy about feeling stuck im her shadow, y’know? Not just calling him a brat, but really rubbing in the fact that he will ALWAYS be in her shadow and that she will ALWAYS be better than him. Which she doesn't believe that in the slightest, she doesn't believe she's better than anyone and she think Carver will do great things one day, but she just wanted to say something that would hurt him cause, well, she was upset. She never got a chance to apologize either, he had been conscripted by the grey wardens before she could.

86. Do they have anything that they consider a good luck charm? 

Alayna: She likes bracelets a lot and when her siblings were younger, they both made her wicker and yarn bracelets that she's worn ever since. It's the last thing she has of Carver and even though it's worn out, close to breaking, she still wears it as a lucky charm to honor him.

Alyxandria: I like to imagine that the red ribbon a romanced Isabela and Fenris wear was Hawke’s lucky charm (which a headcanon of mine. Also that a romanced Anders and Merill have that red ribbon some where on them too). But since Lexi romanced Isabela, bela definitely stole her lucky charm and put it on her arm. Lexi doesn't care tho, looks better on Bela anyway, she thinks.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X4

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

This week we finally got the answer to the question that was on everyone’s minds: Who’s on the beach?!?!? And the answer was none other than George O’Malley! I was right! Ha! I love it when that happens. Yes George was on the beach and we got to see him have a lovely heart to heart with Meredith about life and death, how things were for her and the others after he died, and what life is like for her now.

I was surprised that the heart to heart meaningful conversation turned out to be between Meredith and George and not Meredith and Derek, but I feel like that is coming later. I think the meaningful conversation with Derek will happen right at the end of Meredith’s beach adventure just before she recovers and comes back to the land of the living.

I like that they addressed why Derek and George look older than they did the last time we saw them by having George say that maybe they look older to Meredith and by virtue the audience because that’s how she likes to think of and picture them. The sand isn’t real, the water isn’t real, and Meredith’s perceptions of them and their physical appearances aren’t real either.

We see Richard and Bailey join Meredith and George on the beach at the end sequence when the real life Richard and Bailey move closer to Meredith’s bedside and talk to her which establishes that the beach is neither here nor there. It’s not the afterlife, but it is. It’s not heaven or hell, but it can be. It’s all happening in Meredith’s head, but it’s not. It’s a dream, but it’s also reality.

I liked the call backs to how Meredith, Alex, Cristina, and Izzie laughed a George’s funeral at the ridiculousness of it all. We also got some introspection from Meredith when George asks if she still dances it out like she used to and she says no and that she hasn’t really since she lost Cristina. George gently reminds her that Cristina isn’t dead like him. 

She’s still very much alive she just lives someplace else and that she shouldn’t give up on something she loves that makes her happy because Cristina lives in Zurich, Switzerland instead of Seattle, U.S.A. But we also get some insight here that to Meredith, Cristina moving an ocean away felt like a death and still does. She hasn’t danced it out like that since she left because she’s mourning that loss and to her not being able to see Cristina whenever she wants to is akin to not being able to see people like Derek, George, and Lexie like she used to because they’re gone.

Alex’s departure is different in that way in that once the pandemic is over and travel has opened back up and she’s done being mad at him she can go see Alex and Izzie and the kids whenever she wants. She doesn’t even have to get on a plane if she doesn’t want to. She can drive or take the train. The same holds true for Callie and Arizona. But the loss of people like Cristina, Derek, George, Mark, and Lexie is different because she can’t. Getting to Cristina means enduring at least two separate several hour flights across an ocean and she hates flying. 

Seeing all of those other people is impossible because they’re not alive anymore. And she feels that loss everyday whether she’s able to verbalize it or not. I loved Meredith’s ending line about finding your people and holding them close because those are the ones that get you through the tough times. The fact that she made Richard her POA comes full circle in this episode when we see him trying to comfort her and make a decision at her bedside. 

Richard is struggling about whether to enroll Meredith in the trial when he realizes she’s trying to say something. He gets closer and tells her he’s here for her only to realize she’s mumbling in her sleep and talking to George. Because Richard has seen Meredith and the others through it all he knows exactly who George is. He knows what the significance of that is and he realizes that she’s not trying to speak to him or get better. She’s talking to her friend George on the other side. She’s dying and if he doesn't do something soon she’ll join him. This realization causes him to decide to enroll Meredith in the trial.

I like that we also got an update on George’s Mom who we last saw in Season 8 talking to Callie about her marriage to Arizona and the birth of her daughter Sofia. George tells Meredith that grief is different for everyone and that his mother carries hers and that makes him sad and that sometimes he tries to shake it out of her and try to let her know that he’s still there and he’s still him even though she can’t see him anymore.

I loved how Meredith commented that he’s basically haunting her and George replied, “Well sure if you want to call it that.” The gentle teasing nature they had between them as friends was one of the things I loved most about their relationship and it was nice to see that here. I also liked their conversation about choices. Meredith asks if it’s her choice whether she stays or goes, and George says that it depends. Some people get to choose, and some don’t. He would have stayed if he could, but she appears to have a choice. On the one hand she’s worried about the kids and how losing her and becoming orphans will affect them.

On the other hand, she’s tired and has been through a lot and all the people she loves are on that beach. So, it’s a tough call for her to make. When they were sitting there on that beach and George turned to Meredith and said, “If you stay here you might break him,” and they turned to reveal Richard sitting next to her? Ugh that got me! Also watching Meredith shake convulsively from COVID while unconscious and talking to her dead friend was unnerving and a little scary especially since this is a real disease that is hurting real people. My heart breaks for anyone going through this in real life.

I also loved their exchange about the kids. Where he tells them how great they are and she says he never got to meet them and he tells her that he checks in on her and them from time to time. I also love that his comment establishes that all of the other people Meredith has lost are able to check in on her and the kids and that the other people that other characters have lost can do the same. It’s a nice image and something I think all of us in the real world like to imagine and believe when we lose a loved one. That they’re watching over us.

I loved how in Meredith’s Voice Over this episode she says that Medical schools often ask applicants for an essay describing a time they faced adversity and how they overcame it because they want to know how people will cope with the challenges they'll face as a doctor. And that some students worry they have nothing to write about because they haven't faced difficulty. She didn't have that problem. LOL!

Meredith is the main character, the lead star, and the anchor of the series and they introduced this plot in the premiere this season which mostly likely means that she won’t die or be sidelined by this permanently. And since the show is reflecting a real world disease and pandemic that means that if Meredith lives one of the other characters or someone else close to them will be dying from it most likely. Sadly, it looks like that might be Tom after this episode.

Tom’s got some funny dialogue when he tries to interrupt the staff meeting Richard is holding about COVID by tablet and with Helm when she comes by to drop off his COVID test. I liked how Jackson just walked over and knocked over the tablet to shut him up and everyone just laughed and carried on. His scenes with Helm were pretty funny too. The Zombie appearing on screen scared me though!

In the end we see that Teddy finally comes to talk to him and bring him soup after Helm tells her how bad he’s doing and how much he needs a friend as she desperately tries to save Meredith. When Tom didn’t answer the door or make a sound my first thought was that he had collapsed, but no it’s worse than that because as Teddy turns to leave the camera pans over and we see Tom cold and shaking in a blanket on the other side of the door unable to respond.

Which means his condition has worsened and he’s in pain, but he can’t communicate that to Teddy because he’s too weak to speak or he can’t make his voice loud enough to be heard over the pouring rain. Man that was some downpour! I wonder if it was fake rain that they created or if it rained that heavily the day they filmed that scene. Good to see Tom finally bought a house though! Seeing as last we saw he was living out of a hotel and then got Teddy a beautiful apartment only to find out at the last minute that she had gotten back together with Owen so he went back to living in a hotel again. Glad to see he got some digs.

I’ll be sad if they write Tom off as a character as I’ve really come to like him and he’s interesting and complex. Plus, I love seeing someone call Owen on his crap with such humour! We also got some good social commentary on how health practitioners often base treatment protocols and assessments on the standards of care and presentation developed for white patients, but that because diseases present differently in people of different races and genders that needs to be accounted for.

Especially because your race, gender, and where you grew up affects your predisposition for certain illnesses and can affect the presentation. Owen failed to catch something serious with his patient when they were initially brought in because he was using the standard developed for white patients which is different from the standard for Asian patients. 

One of the new interns who is Asian brings this up to Nico who eventually says something to Owen who brings it up to Bailey who calls him on his privilege and reminds him that he needs to not only check himself, but because he is white and is the head of Trauma for the hospital it is his responsibility to update and improve protocols to make sure that every patient is getting the best care possible.

As Bailey says true equality means taking into account that we are all different. And when it comes to medicine conditions present themselves in different ways based on race and other factors. Giving everyone the exact same care based on a standard of care developed by and for white people is not equality because it means that people of colour like his patient receive a lower standard of care which can lead to unnecessary suffering and death.

True equality means providing equitable care that takes into account who a patient is physically when treating them. As Bailey says equitable care is not the same as equal care. One takes into account the reality and ensures true equal treatment while the other gives the appearance of equality while disadvantaging anyone who’s not a white straight cisgender man. While I like that they addressed that Nico was a complete jerk to everyone this episode.

He acted like the whole thing was no big deal when the intern brought it up and brushed off her comments about Anti-Asian racism from earlier in the episode that we’re totally valid. The intern was looking for some solidarity and for someone above her to back her up on some real issues. Instead Nico blew her off and talked down to her only to bring the issue up himself to Owen in the exact way he told her not to. Nico’s a good surgeon and he was right to say something, but he is a horrible human being, teacher, and boyfriend.

He continues to treat Levi horribly for no reason and as Jo says Levi deserves better. I liked Jo and Levi’s interactions this episode. They were funny and I love them! Also did anyone else think it was weird that Jo and Levi were having a conversation about how horrible Nico is as a person and how horribly he treats Levi when Nico was literally a metre or two in front of them and could hear everything they were saying? Nico’s an ass and apparently, he doesn't care that he’s an ass and that everyone thinks that of him.

I’m actually liking the whole Jo and Jackson friends with benefits situation. So far, its made for some good comic relief! I like too that we finally saw Jackson admit that he’s jumped from one relationship to another way too fast for his whole run on the show and that he needs to take some time and get some therapy and figure out what he wants. I love that Jo was immediately on the same page and laughed at the idea of them having a relationship right now. She needs a sex buddy, not a partner. He’s got work to do on himself and as she says she feels broken and is still trying to heal from the trauma she has experienced.

I also liked the scenes with Amelia and Link. I like that Amelia was able to express herself and her frustrations and that Link made the decision to support her. My best friend that I watch with made comment that she felt like under the same circumstances Owen would have just stormed back into the house whereas Link angrily moved some toys aside so that he could sit next to Amelia while she felt all her feelings and talked about them because that’s what she needed to do. 

I also liked that when Amelia tried to push Link to talk later on he opened up about his process and was straight with her. Talking about all of her feelings out loud and in the open because if she bottles them up, she’ll wind up relapsing is her thing. Link’s thing is to focus on the positive and play his guitar. As Link says he’s happy to support her on her thing, but if she wants their relationship to work she has to support him on his thing. And she does. 

My favourite line this episode? “What are you playing?” “It’s a song called ‘If The Virus Doesn’t End Us, Then Climate Change Probably Will.’” Too funny! And accurate! We also learn that Amelia loves to garden and is apparently quite good at it and they appear to have a herb and vegetable garden at Meredith’s house. We get some awkward dinner interaction courtesy of Maggie and Winston’s relationship this episode when he invites her to a virtual Birthday dinner for his beloved Grandmother which is then crashed by his estranged father. 

His Grandmother invited him and within five seconds of being on the call he insults Winston and says that the idea that his son who is a Cardiothoracic Surgeon at Tufts is a genius is laughable because apparently he failed sixth grade. This man is an asshole and I can see why Winston hates him. That being said Winston exiting the call and leaving Maggie hanging there with his Grandmother, father, and some other relatives that she’s never met was not okay.

It was extremely rude. He should have told Maggie he had to go before signing off or said that they should both leave the call. Maggie is a class act for staying on that call and asking his upset Grandmother if there was cake. Side note: I did love Maggie and Winston’s conversation about what pencil nerds they both are! This is a match made in heaven so whatever issues they do have they’ll work through them because this is clearly meant to be.

My only real complaint about this episode was the absence of one Cormac Hayes. As my best friend said after we finished watching, “Did you notice who wasn’t in this episode? McWidow. Where the hell was McWidow?” I concur with this sentiment 100%. Hayes makes everything better and I’m sad when he’s not there. I get that Meredith was on the beach with George this episode and that was the focus on her storyline, but it would have been nice to see Hayes stand outside her window or sit next to her or talk to Jo about her condition.

That’s the other thing. Season 16 established that Jo and Hayes are friends and that she’s rooting for him and Meredith to be together and live happily ever after. So I’m surprised that they haven’t had a scene yet this season. We’ve seen Jo interact with Link who she’s close friends with and Levi who’s her roommate, but not Hayes. I’m hoping we’ll get that next episode. So far the majority of Hayes’ scenes have been with Meredith, followed by Jo, followed by Bailey. 

If Hayes can’t interact with Meredith like he normally would because she’s unconscious I want to see him interact with Jo, Bailey, Maggie, and Richard more. The fact that we’re seeing intimate scenes with Jo and Jackson gives me hope that we’ll get to see those kinds of scenes for Meredith and Hayes. Although it’s entirely possible that those scenes were filmed last season before the pandemic hit so maybe not. 

I also like that we got some important timeline information this episode. Jo mentions murder hornets (remember those?) which puts this episode at the beginning of May. She also says that her and Alex divorced the same year they got married which means that Seasons 14 and 15 span the same year. Which makes sense given the other information that we have and means that the relationship we saw in Season 15 only lasted a matter of months. 

Which is good news in the sense that nobody really liked any of the ships from that season apart from Tom and Teddy and Amelia and Link and this establishes that all of those relationships were short lived and occurred over a matter of months, not a full year or more. Based on what I caught of next week’s promo it looks like Meredith’s condition is improving (!) while Tom’s condition is deteriorating, and Bailey’s Mom is in bad shape and is being admitted! COVID is no joke! Buckle up everyone!

Until next time!

[calzona-ga]

[Spoiler's] departure marks only the fifth time (and first since Patrick Dempsey) that the ABC medical drama has said farewell to a series regular via character death.

[This story contains spoilers from the March 11, "Helplessly Hoping," episode of Grey's Anatomy.]

Grey's Anatomy said parted ways with a beloved member of its cast during Thursday's midseason premiere and it did so in a relatively rare fashion for the ABC medical drama: with a character death.

Giacomo Gianniotti's Dr. Andrew DeLuca was killed off following a heroic battle to stop a sex trafficker in a storyline that stretched back to last season and ultimately capped the actor's seven-season run on the Shondaland favorite. DeLuca, who was stabbed and ultimately died in surgery, became only the fifth series regular in Grey's Anatomy history to have their storyline end in a fatality and the first since Patrick Dempsey's shocking exit nearly six years ago.

In a fitting end to his storyline, DeLuca winds up on Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) magical beach and is able to have a farewell with his former love interest before walking into the sunset. DeLuca joins George (T.R. Knight), Derek (Dempsey), Mark (Eric Dane) and Lexie (Chyler Leigh) as series regulars (per Wikipedia) to leave the show in death. Of the 33 total series regulars in 17 seasons of Grey's, 13 characters have left alive. And it's of course worth noting that several other characters have been killed off of Grey's, though those actors have either been guest stars or recurring players.

Below, showrunner Krista Vernoff and star Gianniotti talk with The Hollywood Reporter about how DeLuca's death factors into a season that has put COVID-19 at the top of the show's call sheet and what's next.

Meredith is on a vent and that was the last beat until the show's return tonight. Why was it important for that to be the image viewers had of this iconic character for three months? She's still on the vent in the midseason return.

Vernoff: That happened to be the midseason finale. Sometimes stories tell themselves and things happen in very powerful ways. As an image, that works on people's psyche and helps them understand that this pandemic is ongoing and profound and impacting communities in really painful ways. It's a powerful image to help people remember why staying they're home. If this thing can hit Meredith Grey, it can hit anybody.

This season has put COVID-19 at the top of the call sheet, with realistic portrayals of everything from infected doctors, others struggling with the emotional gravity and, in the midseason finale, hospitals reached capacity. When it aired, that episode was sadly prescient. How does the rest of the season play out in terms of how close it has been to what's happening in the world now?

Vernoff: What's so interesting about it being prescient is that we were telling the truth in that episode of what was happening in May 2020 in Washington state and it was happening again in Los Angeles in December, when the episode aired. We weren't prescient; we were telling a story that happened in the early stage of the pandemic. It's been amazing how when we thought when we were breaking the show, we thought we were going home for two weeks and now it's a year later and we're looking at this in this way. It's still staggering to me. We are not jumping forward to some imaginary future where covid is a thing of the past. We are still set in the past in the back half of the season. That was one of the decisions when we decided that Meredith has covid and that that would span a fair amount of the season. We didn't want Meredith in a bed with covid for 11 months. We are still in like May/June of 2020 creatively. We're not jumping forward so we don't have to try and keep up with what's happening now; we're looking at what was happening then.

In a season exploring covid, why was the first major character death of the season unrelated? Was this supposed to be the season finale last year?

Vernoff: There was no plan to kill him at the end of last season. I very much did not want to kill DeLuca last season because he'd been through a mental health crisis and he'd come through it. I wanted to show that a person can go through a mental health crisis and come out the other side and be a functional, contributing member of the hospital staff. This story of DeLuca seeing that sex trafficker again and following her out of the hospital and refusing to let up and it becoming a part of Station 19 and following it and right when you think he's got her, somebody punches him. You think he's been punched but you come back and realize he's been stabbed and then he's on the beach with Meredith. My reaction to [the story idea] was, What?! Fuck! No! Really!? This is what I'm doing?! No! Many times after I pitched it to the writers and we designed the season around this story, I started to chicken out and second-guess myself. Can we save him?! Can he live?! He can't. We've done a lot of near-deaths and saved them since I took over the show. So now people are expecting that. This was the story. It was as shocking to me as it was to you.

Giacomo, what was your reaction when you got the call that Andrew was being killed off?

Gianniotti: Krista and Debbie Allen, our exec producer, called me into an office said they've tried it different ways and keep coming back to the trafficking storyline from last season. The storyline was so highly received, and because of that, they knew they had to continue to explore it. They saw an opportunity to tell a beautiful story that highlighted human trafficking and for DeLuca to go down as a hero and make this really noble act to stop this perpetrator but would unfortunately cost him his life. I've been on the show for seven seasons thought it was a great way to exit. Krista running Station 19 as well had the idea to make it a crossover so we could tell it over two episodes and spend time with DeLuca. I'm a storyteller and the best story always wins and I thought this was the best story.

What was the larger point you wanted to make with DeLuca's storyline? He dies a hero, which is a bit of the ultimate for a Grey's death.

Vernoff: I was processing [grief] myself when this story came. As we were going through this shared trauma of covid together and quarantine and being away from the people we loved, I wanted all the other tragedies in the world to just stop. It didn't seem fair. The Alexandria House, a charity I support in L.A. that shelters battered women and their children — so people who have already been traumatized — the first week of the shutdown, the Alexandria House caught on fire. It was like, What?! Isn't covid enough? But everything else didn't stop because of covid and we were all having to process other things, too, and horrible tragedies that come with life. That's part of where this story was born. All these people are going to die of covid but also sometimes other people just die. And it's f—ing awful. Part of DeLuca dying in this way … watching this episode, watching his mom greet him on the beach and feeling that grief, I cried harder watching this episode than I cried since George O'Malley died. I thank Giacomo for playing this character so beautifully and powerfully that through the death of DeLuca I believe there is an opportunity for us all to release our collective grief.

Will DeLuca re-appear on that beach again this season?

Vernoff: No. I thought him walking away with his mom was the most powerful closure for that character. But you will see him again, just not on the beach.

Gianniotti: Even though his life has come to an end, there's many ways to show our characters who have passed. I look forward to tell some other stories in those ways. Maybe there's flashbacks or other scenarios where we can see DeLuca. That's about all I can say. But it's not a drill; he's definitely died.

What was filming on that beach like given how much those scenes have meant to viewers?

Gianniotti: Ellen and I kept pinching ourselves. To be able to shoot on a beach was amazing. It was nice to be a part of that and have DeLuca have his moment and say his piece with Meredith. There was a lot of unfinished business between them. Maybe if Meredith hadn't gotten covid, the first part of this season could have been them picking up the pieces of where they left off in their romances. But circumstances didn't allow for that. It was nice that DeLuca got to at least thank her for everything she'd given him.

How do you think Meredith will respond to DeLuca's death?

Gianniotti: It's tough to say because you think of the dream and what happened at the end of the episode and wonder if Meredith would correlate that with the metaphor: if he's joining his mother that must mean he's leaving me and passing on. Maybe that would translate to her waking up? Who knows? Or it will be a massive surprise when she wakes up. There is a very obvious, glaring comparison with reality in that so many health care professionals have lost their own due to covid. It's a direct representation and reflection of that. It's helping people in the industry feel seen as well. It hits different and it's going to send a shockwave through all the characters at the hospital — and maybe Meredith the most.

Knowing Meredith is battling covid, it feels like there's one of two outcomes there. How does the covid story that you're telling impact the different finales that you're crafting considering the show's uncertain future?

Vernoff: More will be revealed as you watch the show. (Laughs)

Without spoiling anything, how would you describe who else will visit Meredith on that magical beach?

Vernoff: There are some really fun surprises coming up. It's one of the things that I have enjoyed as rays of light in the darkness of the storytelling necessitated by covid. That beach is a ray of light and the surprises of who you see there are rays of light. And I don't want to take that away.

Can you confirm there will be others who appear on that beach who viewers haven't seen there yet this season?

Vernoff: Yes.

Giacomo, you got to make your directorial debut on Grey's this season. After seven seasons, was there anything you wanted to do on the show but never had the chance?

Gianniotti: This felt like a gift. They rolled everything I wanted to do into two episodes, they wrote my dream exit storyline. I got to have an action movie told on Station 19 chasing a perpetrator and not wearing scrubs. That was fun and not something I'd gotten to do on Grey's for obvious reasons. All the scenes where we got to take our time and be together with Ellen and Meredith on the beach was a good way to tie up the loose ends. As far as the mental health storyline, it was an honor and privilege to tell that story. Ultimately, it's about representation and for people to see someone who is bipolar can be an attending and command a whole department at a hospital is huge.

Did you keep anything from set?

Gianniotti: I didn't! Maybe I'll go steal my stethoscope next time I'm there!

What's next for you? Any plans on returning to Grey's as a director?

Gianniotti: Definitely investing a ton of time in directing and hoping to continue to do that here and abroad. I'm seeking a lot of opportunities in Italy and Canada as a director and actor and have a few things coming on the horizon that I'm excited to share

[doof-doofblog]

"I Am! - I Am!"

Friday 25th September 2020

Hello again everyone, I just want to thank you all for being so patient with me. This will be my last post this week, this will cover last night's episode and I'll finally all up to date with you all. Before I delve into the episode, I'm going to share some recent news with you - as I'm sure you've all been made aware by now that there's going to another new character coming to the Square. It is yet to be announced who this character will be named, all we know is that she is played by Simone Lahbib, and her appearing on the Square is going to make a lasting impact on the Carter family, and will especially be a huge part in an important storyline involving Mick. Who is she and what brings her to Walford? We'll be seeing Simone join the Square next month! Are you excited to see what she brings to the Square? I sure am!

Friday's episode starts with Gray being visited by a police officer. At first we see a gap in a section of some cupboards, at first I wasn't quite sure what I was looking at, but as Gray entered the room, it all make sense. Gray is instantly looking concerned as the Detective tells him that they've been given a name of a possible suspect in Chantelle's death, Gray's face looks like he's about to be grilled by the police, he's surprised when they then mention Kheerat Panesar's name. But you can his head spinning, can he turn this all around and set him up for the blame of the death of his wife? Gray reveals to the police that Kheerat wanted Chantelle to leave him, but Chantelle refused. Surprisingly, he tells the police that he's sure that Kheerat would not have hurt her, why would he tell them that? 

At home, Amy is telling her Dad that she doesn't want to go to school, because she has a headache. Jack is convinced that she's being bullied again, but Denise knows exactly why Amy is making up excuses for not wanting to go to school. Denise watches from the across the room, and decides to get her level, perhaps trying to understand the youngster. Denise tries to understand and says it's because of Isaac, and promises her that everything will be okay and they'll be able to find another tutor for her. Amy then pipes up, she claims she doesn't even like him and that he's a "Pot-Head!" It's then that Jack overhears what his daughter has said .... (That makes sense! As viewers saw in the previous episode, after Isaac said Good Morning to Amy, he spotted some pot lurking around on the playground, he picked it up and joked to Denise that he was going to take some. From across the yard, unbeknown to them, Amy had seen everything!) ... of course her Dad and Denise are both shocked by her claims, Denise is sure that Amy is making things up but she reveals that she's seen him smoking weed. Obviously, this doesn't sit right with Jack and Denise. 

On the Square, Stacey is still trying to make amends with her Mum, she offers to take her Mum out for a nice meal, but Jean still doesn't want to know. It's true she probably felt abandoned by Stacey when she went away, it's going to take a lot more than a nice lunch. Stacey says that they can give everyone they've lost a toast - Daniel, Hayley, Cherry - but Jean makes a very important point, she has already said her Goodbyes to those that she cares about, and that was the time that she really needed her daughter the most. Stacey really looks like that she's running out of ideas, what is it going to take for her Mum to talk to her again? From across the Square, Martin and Ruby watch on. Ruby sees how Martin is looking at Stacey, she tells him if he still has feelings for her, it's best he tells her now before anyone gets hurt, he promises that it doesn't matter that she's back, it doesn't change anything. 

Meanwhile, Jack has taken the information from Amy and decided to confront Isaac, he instantly denies the accusations and Jack tells him not to call his daughter a liar. Denise tries to step in, informing Jack that he did find some gear but was going to hand it in, which he obviously didn't. He reveals that instead of handing it in to the police, he threw it in the bin. Isaac figures out that reason she's got the hump is because she has a crush on him and he also tells Jack that that is also the reason why he stopped tutoring her. Isaac looks for Denise for back-up, Denise admits that what Isaac is saying is true, but she promises that she's just lashing out because she's upset. 

I really don't know like what Callum is doing, I understand it's a difficult situation he's been put in, but how can he work for Phil along side the police? Does Callum even trust Phil? At this moment in time, probably not. Callum has confided in his boss, revealing to him what Phil has asked of him. DI Thompson is telling Callum that it doesn't matter if he has to commit crimes, as long as Phil believes Callum is on his side, then that's all that matters. He tries to explain to Callum that you can either go up in life or down, he gives him a choice, what is he going to do? I really don't like what Callum is doing at the minute, but part of me also feels like he's being pushed into a corner and probably feels like he doesn't have an option?! 

On the Square, Lola, Lexi and Phil are emerging from the cafe, after Phil treating his granddaughter to a chocolate muffin, they spot Isaac from across the Square. Lola instructs her daughter to get out of sight before she gets in trouble for being off school. It's then Lola starts complementing him saying what such a nice man he is, suddenly Lexi speaks up and mentions that he's a druggie, much to Phil's annoyance, how dare someone smoke stuff around his granddaughter?! Lola, as a good mother does, tells her daughter not to hear school gossip, but even Phil is disgusted, as he says "Why would she lie about it?" Lola tells Phil to just forget about it,  but will he?

Back at his office, Kheerat is once again alone with his thoughts as he spins around and around in his computer chair. As he keeps spinning, he becomes aware of figure in the doorframe watching him. Gray! Instantly the two men stare at each other, Kheerat is ready for him, if Gray wants a fight he's got one coming! Gray insists that's not what he's here for, he begins to tell Kheerat of the information he's been given. The fact that a name has come up to the police about a suspect for Chantelle's death, he explains it was Karen who made the call. Is this something that he's lying about? Do we know for sure who has given his name to the police? Gray tells Kheerat that it's his name that Karen gave out, Kheerat remains silent as Gray carries on, he explains he told Karen that she was wrong, he tells him that he loved Chantelle too much for this to drag out, and he warns if Kheerat loved her just as much as he thought he does, then he would do the same. It's then Kheerat makes a valid point to Gray, mentioning how he was willing to give up everything in his life for Chantelle, his job, his family, everything ... so why isn't there just a piece of him that isn't making him think it was Kheerat?! Gray is always one to come up with a good backhander, "Because you loved her too much to hurt her, right? But she didn't love you did she!" ... Ooooh trying to hit him where it hurts, but we all know that's not true, it's what Gray wants to believe. Kheerat knew Chantelle loved him! He warns Kheerat to leave him and the kids alone, it's only then he reveals to the widower that he's revealed everything to his Father-In-Law! He warns that if Gray had anything to do with Chantelle's death, he'll be watching and waiting! 

At the Vic, it looks as if Sharon and Ian are trying to come to some form of understanding. Ian is already speaking to her much more politely. He apologises for the way he's been acting towards her, he explains he's trying the money for Max back together while he's waiting on some form of contract, and as soon as he gets it, he'll pay him back. Sharon warns her friend that secrets don't last for long, but Ian begs her not to say anything to Max, he promises to try and learn to accept the fact that she doesn't feel the same way about him. She asks him to keep things strictly professional, he nods and it looks as if they've come to a mutual agreement. 

Back at school, Isaac is being brought to his boss's office! She informs him that a complaint has been made against him about drug use, instantly he's fighting his corner, explaining that it's all a big misunderstanding because he stopped tutoring Amy Mitchell. The Head Teacher looks as if she doesn't believe a word he's saying, she opens her office doors and Isaac follows her inside, only to see Phil sat in the office chair, he looks over at him in disgust and Isaac knows he is in deep trouble! Meanwhile at the Minute Mart, Denise is looking to find something for the Atkins children when suddenly he phone rings, it's Isaac. From what we can make from the her phone conversation Isaac is telling her that Phil has come to the school to complain about his drug use, BUT while this conversation is taking place - Callum and Honey are also having another important conversation, Callum had just come back from a police job, a whole family of 4 being stuck in a car crash - a hit and run, from what Callum describes the scene to Honey as they both recoil from the news. As Callum is doing so, Denise can't help but overhear, does she know something about the family that have been hurt?

This is another place we've not seen inside of for a very long time, at McKlunky's Stacey is drowning her sorrows in fast food - definitely something I would do! - Martin walks in and they both clock each other, he laughs and make the small signal that she has some sauce on the side of her lip. For a moment, things seem civil between the ex-couple. Stacey admits that she doesn't know what to do to make it up to her Mum, Martin gives the only bit of advice he can "Give her some time!". Then Stacey starts to question his relationship with Ruby, whether she makes him happy or not. She reveals how devastated she was when Martin told her he had cheated with Sonia, she insults him by saying that she could do so much better than Martin. As she says this, it looks as if he's really hurt by what she's said, but he throws one right back at her, he reveals to her why he lied about sleeping with Sonia, he revealed he lied to keep her safe. Stacey once again accuses him of lying, because if it was the truth why didn't he just tell her in the first place? And he simply states that if he had, she would've made the situation a whole lot worse, he then tells her that he also can do better than Stacey, and just adds the last little dig, that he already has, with Ruby!

Back at Denise's house, you can see she's desperate to find something inside her house. She finds a folder which is full of letters and pictures. It looks as if the car crash she overheard Callum and Honey talking about earlier on, actually turns out to be the family her baby boy she had with Phil, Raymond, was adopted into. All the pictures show a tiny toddler cuddling a lion soft toy, and the letter reveals that the family were travelling to celebrate Raymond's sister's 13th birthday! Callum had told Honey that the child who died was 13 years old. Denise is beside herself as she looks on her phone and see the news of the mother and daughter passing and scrolls to the bottom of the article where it mentions the toddler being in intensive care. 

Meanwhile, Martin is catching up with Ruby after his confrontation with Stacey, he instantly tells her that he wants to go away just him and her. Everything has been a headache for him since Stacey returned. He pours his heart out to her and reveals that he wants to be with her, he loves her. Ruby smiles and she goes in for a kiss, as she does so, Stacey can be seen watching them from a distance, looking clearly devastated how her ex-best mate and ex-husband are looking so happy together. Ruby clocks on to her and grins as she enters her house with Martin. Stacey carries on watching them as she stands on the Square in her bare feet. 

Back at the Mitchell house hold, Callum has finally moved the last of his stuff into the house. He decides to have a heart-to-heart (well, from how it appears) - he reveals to Phil that through out his whole life he's been looking for something, he wasn't sure what, but as soon as he found Ben, he knew! He just knew he'd found what he had been looking for! I don't know whether Callum is trying to get into Phil's good books here or something, or whether he's lying to him to make him believe him, but he says that he would do anything for Ben. It's true he wants to be good copper, but if he was to choose between his job and Ben, he wouldn't have to think twice! He uses the most important phrase he could say to Phil, just to get him on side "I want to look after my FAMILY! Because that's all that matters isn't it?!" Phil smiles in acceptance - he's ready and welcoming Callum into their family, but is this going to be the biggest mistake Phil has made?! Is Callum going frame him and still put him up to the police! I feel really bad in saying, but I'm not liking this whole situation Callum is putting himself in. He is playing a very dangerous game, as soon as Phil finds out what he's doing, he'll kill him - not just for putting him up to the Police, but for betraying his family and most importantly Ben! 

Finally back at home, Isaac calls Denise one final time - telling her that it'll be the last time he calls, and basically thanks her for nothing, she was supposed to be helping him. But unbeknown to him, she has had a huge shock. We see Denise enter the hospital, she eventually finds the room in which he young son, Raymond, is lying in. She looks through the window, sees the toy lion and sighs against the glass. Suddenly a new face appears - Ellie! Finally we are introduced to Ellie!!!! She asks if she was a friend of the family - ahhh it's only as she's speaking to Denise, it occurs to me who she is! She is the adoptive Grandmother of Raymond! She reveals to Denise that both her son and young Raymond will survive, as she leaves to get them both a drink, Denise cries softly as she watches her young biological son. What interests me is, is Denise going to reveal the news about Raymond to Phil?! Does this mean that Denise is going to perhaps want to take her child back and fight for custody? Who knows?

Back at the Vic, Mitch is still reeling and reeling about who to believe or what to believe. Kheerat finds him and joins him, he reveals that Gray had paid him a visit. He reveals that Karen has named Kheerat as a suspect in Chantelle's death. Mitch is clearly taken back by this news, it's understandable that Karen is grieving, but why would she suddenly decide to blame Kheerat for Chantelle's death, she didn't have any clue about this until Mitch told her. Why would she do that? For some reason, I don't seem to understand that one. After a while both Karen and Gray come into the Vic and they both see Kheerat and Mitch together from across the bar. Gray is clearly disappointed in his Father-In-Law, believing a neighbour over his family. Mitch knows that something isn't right and he tells Gray that there is something that he's not telling them, it's then that Gray tells him that if he believes it was him, he wants him to announce it right now, in front of all the people inside the pub. Kheerat is quiet during the confrontation, but I'm sure if he had the choice he would've had his say. He definitely feels 100% certain that Gray was involved somehow, especially after his little visit. 

Back at the hospital, Ellie is making small talk with Denise, talking about the accident and how tragic it is for the family. She explains how much of a religious family they all are. She asks Denise whether she'd like to go in and see Raymond, she gently nods as Ellie lets her in. As they watch over the young boy, a nurse enters the room and asks to see Ellie, unfortunately she has bad news about her son. It looks as if poor little Raymond is going to lose all of his family due to the horrendous car crash, Denise begins to sob softly as the nurse asks if she's family, it's then she nods as she looks over her son and responds "I am! I am!" 

With all of the family passed away and with Ellie the owner adoptive family Raymond has left, is Denise now going to fight for custody of her son? She can't watch a let him grow up without a family. As he's young, will she be able to take him back and give him the family he's going to need? This is really interesting storyline, it's clear she's going to have a custody battle with Ellie. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this one plays out, perhaps she could try and get Phil's help, if he's willing?! 

Thank you all so much for being incredibly patient with me! It's taken me quite a while to type up this post as I've had many disruptions through-out the day. But I am now finally caught up! I hope you all have a fantastic weekend and I'll be back on Monday following Monday's episode! Enjoy your weekend everyone! Goodnight! xXx

[supergirlmelbenoist]

How Melissa Benoist got ripped for Supergirl

She's not a bird or a plane, and she's definitely not Superman! In 2015, Krypton refugee Kara Zor-El — aka Kara Danvers — threw aside her glasses and donned her family's S-shaped crest to follow in her cousin's footsteps and give National City its very own superhero on the CW's Supergirl. Back then, Melissa Benoist — the actress playing both Supergirl the superpowered alien and Kara the shy personal assistant — was best known to TV fans for her role as sweet newcomer Marley Rose on two seasons of Glee, and she also had a small role in Best Picture-nominated Whiplash.

Taking the lead of a show — especially one with such a strong legacy on-screen and off — was a big step up for Benoist, both performance-wise and also physically. So how did she get ripped for the role? Well, Benoist said that landing the part meant stepping up her workouts, not just because we tend to take our superheroes with six-pack abs and toned biceps, but so that she could keep up with the action. The self-described pacifist and musical theater nerd suddenly found herself learning how to throw a punch and how to fly. So here's how Melissa Benoist toughened up to play Supergirl, at the gym, in her fight scenes, and high up on the wires.

She made it through a full-on audition process

Obviously the CW couldn't cast just anyone as Supergirl, which meant that Melissa Benoist had to go through a rigorous audition process before she got anywhere close to landing the role. The wait was made even more excruciating because, according to Benoist, "I believe I was the first girl they saw." That first audition was in October 2014, and it was just the start. In 2015, she told Entertainment Weekly, "It was a long, drawn-out, three-month process. I auditioned around Halloween 2014 and then didn't land the part until February 2015. I went through multiple screen-tests, multiple auditions with the producing team. There was a lot."

During that extensive audition process, Variety reported that Benoist found a champion in producer Greg Berlanti. "Greg championed me the whole time and was in my corner," Benoist remembered. "Even when I didn't think the part was mine, he was always rooting for me. That support goes a long way, especially when I'm fighting for something I want so badly. His belief in me really touched me." Berlanti echoed the sentiment, saying, "If we had not found her, I would have said, 'I don't want to make this.'"

The first episode aired almost a year after that first audition, on October 26, 2015, and since then, Benoist has seen hundreds of kids in their own versions of her costume. "Every Halloween there are quite a bit of Supergirls," she told Jimmy Kimmel, so it was worth the wait.

Melissa Benoist worked on her core strength

While comic book titans DC and Marvel have both made noise about introducing more diversity to their products, one thing that all superheroes have in common are incredible abs. Benoist's Supergirl is no exception. She told Entertainment Weekly that to prepare for the role, she did "some boxing, strength training, and a lot of core work." At Comic-Con, she said that her workouts included Pilates, boxing, and plyometrics.

If you've never had cause to get into superhero shape, you might be wondering what fresh hell plyometrics are. As Healthine explains, plyometrics involve exerting your body to its maximum ability for a short period of time — for example, by jumping — to improve strength, speed, and power. They're a pretty advanced form of exercise, as Benoist found out! On CBS's This Morning, she explained, "I did quite a bit of training. We did this stuff called plyometrics, which is like jump training. And all of it was really hard — just hard things!"

And the core work isn't just to look good. As Benoist added, the core work comes in handy when you're doing the flying stunts. "I'm up on a wire," she said, "and you have to hold your entire body weight so there's a lot of training involved."

Work is a workout on Supergirl

Melissa Benoist wasn't the only cast member who had to up her workout intensity to give the action sequences the effort they deserved. Chyler Leigh, who plays Kara's adoptive sister Alex, said that the actors work really hard with the stunt coordinators to get the fight scenes just right. And those action-packed days are full-on workouts in their own right. "When we do fight scenes, we're working out for six hours, just doing the same thing," she told CBS. "We are burnt for the next few days. I think that's really where I get my caloric burn count."

Even when they aren't shooting, Leigh and Benoist try to use those periods of waiting around that happen on the set of a TV show to stay in shape. "Melissa and I try to do as much as we possibly can," Leigh said. "In my trailer, I've got resistance bands and medicine balls and things like that. I try to do it in between, but we have very little downtime." The two on-screen sisters also have a shared interest in the same workout. "I love Pilates," Leigh told CBS. "It gives such a good core foundation. When I can go, it's awesome." And you thought TV sets were all craft services and hanging out in trailers.

Melissa Benoist learned to fight from the best

Thos Robinson/Getty Images Another crucial element of being a superhero is being able to kick butt convincingly. This didn't come naturally to Benoist, who confessed to the Chicago Tribune, "I had never punched anyone! I maybe slapped my sisters when I was a kid, but I'm not an aggressive, violent person, and I had no idea how to throw a punch." To help her find her inner fighter, Benoist took up boxing. "I definitely had to learn technique. Like how to actually punch someone and not hurt yourself more than you're hurting the person you're punching. And so boxing was part of it," she told InStyle.

Fortunately for Benoist, she had access to excellent tutors. In addition to the stunt team, former karate and kickboxing world champion Lexi Alexander (pictured above) directed an episode in the first season. Having worked on Supergirl's fellow Arrowverse show Arrow, Alexander said she was excited to work on a story about a female superhero. "I realized that this is the first time I'm choreographing and directing a fight scene for a female lead. I did some fight directing for a woman here and there … but for a female lead? I've never directed a female lead in an action," she told Den of Geek.

Her directing stint was short, but Alexander said that she pushed her star "to the next level of fight choreography," and that "they've now changed [Benoist's] fight style from [Alexander's] episode onward." Benoist might still be more lover than fighter at heart, but we wouldn't challenge her.

She does (some of) her own stunts on Supergirl

Believe it or not, it really is Benoist doing some of those hair-raising stunts on the show. The actress told Variety that she likes to get involved with the action when she can, saying, "I have been doing a lot [of stunts], and I want to keep doing them. Already I've fought a male on the show. Supergirl's fight moves are boxing. She's really heavy-handed. There's some flying that involves kicking and punching mid-flight that's kind of awesome."

However, not everyone was thrilled with Benoist's hands-on approach to fights. Her mom, Julie, told her that she found it difficult to watch her daughter's fight scenes, especially against men. But Julie Benoist needn't have worried. Benoist knows her limits, and she's heaped praise on her stunt doubles. In 2015, she said of stunts, "I think they're so fun. There are some that I just can't — I really could get injured. … My stunt double is amazing. She was Jen Garner's on Alias and Buffy's. She's all over the place, and she's so cool. I wish people could see what they go through. It's insane."

Benoist's stunt double in 2015 was Shauna Duggins, whose resume includes Captain America: The Winter Soldier, the recent Star Trek movies, and 2000's Charlie's Angels (as well as many other movies and shows.) After doing 20 episodes of Supergirl, Duggins went on to work as stunt coordinator for shows including Ray Donovan, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and GLOW. She's a real-life superwoman.

She likes to get out of the gym

Although Benoist diligently puts in her hours in the gym, the Colorado-raised actress is happier getting her exercise in the great outdoors. Her Instagram shows photos of her hiking with her husband (and Supergirl co-star), Chris Wood, and their dogs, Farley and Drift. She also recalled being jealous when she found out what her co-star and Supergirl predecessor, Helen Slater, was doing to get in shape.

After Benoist recounted the boxing and core work she was doing to Slater, "She gave me this look, and I was like, 'Why, what did they have you do?'" Benoist told Entertainment Weekly. "'Oh, I went horseback riding, and fencing and doing some archery, and I was swimming.' She went through this whole gamut of awesome outdoor activities that I would love to do to train." Speaking to E! Online, Benoist said of Slater's exercise regime, "She was on trampolines a lot and dancing and prancing and doing all these cool activities for training. I wish I had that much fun."

The conflicting training schedules aren't coming between the two actresses. Benoist added to EW, "Also, she's just so kind and such a sweet, sweet woman. That's really what I've learned from her. She really is a super girl. I'm so honored that I'm following in her footsteps." She'll just have to wait for a filming break to take a hike.

Melissa Benoist has a dance background

Glee was not Benoist's first experience with musical theater. She told Jimmy Kimmel that she did "tap, ballet, and jazz class at four years old" and children's theater, even performing at Disneyland. "In front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle, we sang a Stephen Sondheim medley where my solo was 'Send in the Clowns,'" she recalled. She also studied ballet, although she wasn't a perfect student. "All the years I took ballet class … I was the one kid in class who the teacher was always like, 'Urgh, her turn-out,' and, 'She is not standing up straight,'" Benoist told Kimmel. She did better with another form of dance. In a video for Glamour, she said, "I have a secret superpower — that I can tap dance," and she demonstrated to prove her point.

That dance training comes in handy on the set of Supergirl — and not just for Benoist's part in the musical crossover episode of The Flash. Benoist said that her dance background helps her with the wire work and even the fight sequences. "With the wire work and flying, even the choreography, I grew up dancing, so that kind of came like it would if I were learning a dance routine," she told the Chicago Tribune. Plus, it keeps her and the crew entertained between takes.

She learned how to fly (well, on wires)

Melissa Benoist's favorite thing about her superhero role is exactly what you'd expect: the chance to fly. When Jimmy Kimmel asked about the best part of playing Supergirl, Benoist said, "I mean, I get to fly!" Upon further questioning, she acknowledged, "I mean it's hard work, I'm essentially attached to a fork in the air." She also told Variety just how hard it was and how she prepared, saying, "The wire work for training is mostly core work. It's mostly ab-centric — the whole area of the body that nobody wants to work out. You have to get strong. You have to carry your whole body weight when you're up in the air."

However, it's worth all the working out. "The wire work is really difficult, but so fun. And when you get it right, watching the result is exhilarating," Benoist told People. "It's a really, really cool feeling to know what it felt like, the energy I had to exert to create those flying scenes. And then the way they look is really rewarding."

Benoist got some help perfecting her flying technique. When Kimmel asked how she figured out Supergirl's flying style, she said, "There's this sort of superhero physicality school that you kind of have to go to — at least we did on the DC shows — where the stunt team will teach you to walk like a superhero. … They're awesome and they've really helped me." And that's how to look fly in spandex.

Benoist eats healthy, but she's not a dieter

All of that working out and on-set action builds up an appetite. But as a female superhero who's expected to squeeze into a spandex suit every day and have the muscles to beat up bad guys without actually looking bulked up, Benoist can't go to town on craft services. Fortunately, she's pretty into fruits and vegetables anyway. "I love supermarkets, I love grocery shopping, I love the produce aisle, because to be super you have to be healthy," she told Glamour. "And I would probably stock up on all the fruits. I love fruit."

However, she isn't about to totally deprive herself of comfort foods. In the same Glamour interview, she said, "If I could supersize any food it would be [an] ice cream Drumstick, vanilla caramel. They're so good." In 2016, she told the Chicago Tribune that she was excited to attend that year's Chicago Comic-Con and Entertainment Expo (aka C2E2) because she wanted to check out the city's restaurants. As she explained, "I've heard the food scene is incredible, and I'm a foodie, so I can't wait to go out and eat."

Benoist also said that her own partiality to the occasional junk food splurge inspired the writers to add it into her character's personality. "I love junk food, I love doughnuts, and they put that in there quite a bit," she said, laughing. "There are these doughnuts all the time." This diet sounds super.

She got ripped to show women being tough

Kevin Winter/Getty Images One reason Melissa Benoist was so invested in making sure her character could be physically impressive was because she wanted to inspire other women to feel strong and powerful. In an essay for Time, she wrote, "I think the more the show goes on, the more you see this fierceness and what women are really capable of. It puts [Supergirl] on this equal playing field. … That's so meaningful to me to help children understand that girls can have just as much fun as their male counterparts in the superhero world. It's about confidence and hope, and Supergirl really embodies all of that."

Even though Benoist also wrote that she grew up in "this really strong, feminine family," she told the Chicago Tribune, "I didn't really believe that I could be that character or play a superhero. It's something I never thought of myself as doing, but I just knew I had to go for it because there's so few female superheroes and just strong females that fight back and do it with grace and do it with love." She's also said that she didn't want the character to be a female version of male superheroes, saying, "What I think is cool is to try to bring kind of a femininity to her strength. … I do like the idea of bringing in like a grace to it. And a fluidity and kind of this femininity to flying. It's fun." In other words, Melissa Benoist is out here bringing new meaning to (Super)girl power.

[glorioussimon]

underappreciated things about rise 1x10: opening night

i’m going to be crying by the end of this and by now i’ve just accepted that

correction it just started and now i’m crying

i remember turning it on when it first aired and waiting for the previously on and when there weren’t any i was so shook

soon goodbye, now love by tom rosenthal

maashous looking at the picture of him and his mom

vanessa being surprised by the lock on the door

when gail is taking the mazzuchelli family picture everyone’s smiling except for gordy who’s just making a deadpan expression at the camera

everyone insisting that maashous be in it

gordy putting his arm around maashous

vanessa acknowledging that lilette was right

lilette having no idea what to think about philadelphia

“you know what the audience is gonna see?” “....substandard theatre?”

simon is SO SALTY about the petition

“if anyone wants to show up, which you probably shouldn’t. the show’s gonna suck now thanks to everyone that signed that stupid petition.”

he’s clearly not happy that his dad’s going to see it. he feels unsafe with him there and it breaks my heart

gwen refusing to live with her dad

both gwen and simon using the excuse that the show’s going to suck to try and deter their parents from coming to it

tracey’s cool house

tracey calling lou out

lou wanting tracey to be at opening night

“not tonight, lou” tracey i’ve got some bad news

all of the music in this episode makes me cry

i didn’t start tearing up the first time i watched this until i saw robbie’s mom in the car and that’s when i knew that i wasn’t going to make it out of this finale alive

michael and sasha's selfie

the lights on the spring awakening sign being like the ones in all you desire and the ones on the mazzuchellis’ porch

michael finally telling sasha what he thinks she should do

lilette being so excited that mama thorne is there

robbie saying “so everything is back to normal” and sounding so happy about it makes my heart hurt because not only does he not know about lilette moving, he does know that his mom is dying, and that her being out of the hospital for just a day doesn’t change that or make everything normal again. he’s just trying to convince himself that it does.

maashous getting the fuck out of lou’s office when evan shows up

i don’t know why but i find the way that evan describes the beating scene so funny

“the scene where the boy beats the girl with the stick”

jeremy sasha anabelle and francis watching through the office window

lilette’s shocked face when lou says that they’re going back to the original version

sasha’s too

everyone looks so excited when lou says that they can say fuck

simon referencing the desdemona scene as vaguely as he possibly can

lou saying that he might not be invited back to direct next year almost seems like the show saying that it might not be back for a second season and wow here are the tears again folks

the camera has to pan way up when it goes from showing simon’s face to anabelle’s face and it makes me laugh

i never noticed the hair clips that violet is wearing she looks so pretty

lilette being the first to raise her hand because she knows that it will be her last chance to

and then simon not raising his hand at first because he’s terrified of what will happen to him if he does the original scenes but eventually raising his hand anyway

michael and jolene smiling at each other

everyone panicking when mr baer says one hour to curtain

jeremy waving his hand in front of mr baer’s face

this montage makes me emotional as fuck

the fact that the last thing they filmed being them getting ready for their show

robbie listening to music to hype himself up or calm himself down

simon putting on his st. francis jacket

simon and jeremy not making direct eye contact but looking at each other through the mirror

the boys practicing their choreography

idk what cheryl and lexi are doing but it’s cute

the violins in the song starting when it shows the band

maashous finding the suit

“lou! you CANNOT change an entire show one hour before curtain. some of us here have a family history of heart issues -”

this entire exchange between lou michael and the propmaster

“just to clarify, am i committing suicide or just feeling really sad?”

michael is so salty about not having his gun

the propmaster throwing something on the ground in his haste to turn around

michael’s face when the propmaster says that he can just use his finger is fucking gold

michael, ready for death

enough games where the fuck can i buy a stanton high spring awakening shirt

if i were to make those and sell them on redbubble or something would anyone be interested in buying one. this is a legit question i want to know

kaitlin’s smile when she sees maashous

maashous had to look up how tie a tie on youtube

gail straightening the tie

maashous thanking gail for everything

it sounds like maashous is going to say something but then the lights flicker so he has to leave? what was he going to say

“we’ll celebrate tonight after the show!” gail i have some bad news

the propmaster tearing apart the props room

"cough once for suicide, twice for no suicide”

it looks like there’s a stock photo of a kid with a tuba behind the propmaster?

johnny cruz bringing lilette chocolate

all the good luck posters in the hallway

i have no idea whether or not to trust johnny or not and for that reason i dislike him

lou peeking out at the audience

“please let this not suck”

nothing will ever compare to the chills i got the first time i saw lilette stepping out on stage

pta mom nancy being horrified by the revealing dress

mama who bore me transitioning right into the reprise doesn’t make any sense but it sounds cool so i’ll let it slide

 the chorus on “hope that it glows”

can the audience hear evan yelling at lou? probably

evan: you could be fired! lou: ask me if i give a fuck

mama who bore me reprise hypes me up so much i love my girls

okay i have to acknowledge the order of this because what the fuck. i get that we didn’t see all of the songs but?? totally fucked before don’t do sadness? i believe after woybr? and i always thought that all you desire was supposed to be somewhere between woybr and those you’ve known but it’s at the end? i don’t understand this

everything about totally fucked

everyone is great in this but i want to give special notice to simon for just. being like that

francis michael lexi and gwen hanging off the scaffolding gives me so much anxiety what if one of them falls

they’re holding on one-handed please be safe kids

the camera just zooming in on the most inappropriate parts

ward’s face when they say fuck

sadie’s lowkey awkward face

so many audience members look so stunned

the saunders family has no idea what the fuck to do

the dream is for the cast of rise to do a full production of spring awakening that i can analyze the shit out of

lou and gail covering sadie’s eyes

some of the audience members just straight up leaving

sadie peeking under her parents’ hands

“we always have allentown” where’s my spinoff that’s just rise in allentown

maashous’s fear when tracey shows up

tracey doing the choreography with the kids

i would die for cheryl

when they did touch me in episode 7 simon and jeremy were on opposite sides of the stage but now they’re standing next to each other and it’s extremely important to me

tracey convincing evan to fuck off

she loves her kids so much

also this is the last scene where we hear maashous speak pour one out for our lighting director everyone

i have to mention clark in his adult man costume again

the fact that lou and simon’s conversation occurs while the scene with moritz and his dad plays out on stage makes the whole thing so much more emotional

simon’s clearly been crying and i hate it

simon thinking that he let lou down

lou telling simon that he’s proud of him

tbh i really like lou and simon’s relationship

tracey helping cheryl with her hair

the contrast between the first time that simon and jeremy performed woybr and the last time

the lighting in this scene is so nice props to maashous

the hand kiss!!!

i wish that we had some more insight into what simon was thinking here. was this a split second decision or did he actually talk to jeremy or anyone about it? i know that there were deleted scenes where he talked to jeremy and he talked to lilette but idk where they were in the episode and i want them more than anything

also i want the full woybr scene

fuck you, nbc

jeremy looks so surprised when simon leans in to kiss him

the way that simon looks at jeremy after the kiss

i’m pretty sure that this is the moment when papa saunders really realizes that his son is gay and that’s the real reason why he leaves

lilette’s face when robbie hugs her during i believe

i love how they do i believe with the rest of the cast blocking wendla and melchior from the audience. idk why i just really like it

also loving how they actually have a river during don’t do sadness/blue wind

the strickland parents looking so proud of gwen

“i should’ve never called you middle-aged.”

i wish that we could have heard more of michael’s part in don’t do sadness

evan: “i could go up there and stop this right now.”

superintendent lewis, crying: “let them finish.”

“she’s pretty amazing, isn’t she?” “yeah, he is.” this is so cheesy i love it so much

jolene as a reformatory boy is the reason why i’m gay

gwen and gordy having a beautiful romantic moment while the reformatory scene plays out in the background

“pretty deep for a dumb football player.”

clark and francis don’t even change their clothes when they become reformatory boys so it just looks like otto and georg have changed their names and become delinquents

lexi as the abortionist

i remember reading that there was a deleted masha scene and i’m so sad that we didn’t get it

i remember that we saw the kiss in a promo but we had no idea who sasha was and i couldn’t tell who it was from the back of her head so i spent a lot of time just trying to figure it out

sasha’s smile after she and michael kiss

and michael’s stunned expression

robbie acknowledging that this might be the last time his mom gets to see him act

“i think you might have changed my life, mr. mazzu.” bitch me too the fuck!!

the graveyard scene with wendla and moritz on either side of the stage

the rest of the troupe looking apprehensive

everyone in the audience just crying

robbie not being able to sing his part

pta nancy looks so upset. me too

mama thorne knows exactly why robbie is crying so hard and i’m so sad

i can’t tell if the choreography calls for wendla and moritz to have their hands on melchior’s shoulders or if lilette and michael are comforting robbie and tbh i really like that?

lou and tracey hugging

as much as i love all you desire i wish we could have seen the whole troupe do purple summer

sasha shoving michael in the background

“don’t go.”

i love how they have hanschen and ernst on one side of the stage and ilse moritz and martha on the other side during all you desire

the camera going to gwen’s parents when she sings “you’re my only desire”

the character development between gordy’s first scene in the series and his last

simon and gwen’s solos (especially simon’s) never fail to give me chills

i feel like that last kiss between melchior and wendla was unscripted and just robbie wanting to kiss lilette one last time

just how meta the whole situation is. the fact that so many people benefited from this show, that they created something beautiful, and then it was unfairly cancelled because of a few louder voices.

it appeases the people they’re hired to appease.

i remember that when carry you started the first time i watched it i was getting hyped for sean and then there was no sean and i was sad

simon watching jeremy sing

the fact that it looks like mr baer is conducting carry you

sasha grabbing michael’s hand

why is francis always climbing the scaffolding

tracey doing the choreography with the kids

cheryl waving at the audience

i can finally reveal that i made a cameo in this episode. i was the one who gave harmony flowers.

the way that jeremy looks at simon when he grabs his hand

simon doesn’t look upset that his dad isn’t there. he looks relieved.

mama saunders is so proud of him

michael smiling at sasha

gwen saying that her dad giving her a bouquet of roses won’t make anything better earlier in the episode and then when her dad actually does give her roses she just looks resigned to it

simon cheering for lilette is so cute

papa thorne being the first one to stand and the fact that it looks like mama thorne asked him to

he looks so proud

everyone is so proud of their kids most of all me

simon and jeremy switch places for the final bow and it’s probably a continuity error but i choose to believe that they did it intentionally so that they could stand with their friends

kaitlin crying when she sees that maashous is gone

the entire rise fandom should get matching maashous was here tattoos

harmony and sasha pulling lou onto the stage

michael jumping up and down when tracey comes out

sasha with her arms around harmony and lexi

jeremy’s hand on francis’s shoulder

these kids love each other so much

i love them so much

the kids are so happy. they have no idea what’s just been taken from them. and honestly, i’m a little glad that if the show had to end, it ended here - in this brief moment of happiness, before it all falls apart.

end scene.

[jmhwritesstuff]

That writer ask game: #'s 6, 13, 17, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 38, 44, & 45. :D

Holy.. thanks @missvalerietanner xD

6.   Single or multiple POV?

I prefer single POV most of the time. But in cases like the Throne of Glass series, where I was invested in (almost) all the characters, I didn’t mind multiple.

13.  Describeyour writing process from idea to polished

Um … a lot of the time (in the past anyway) my ideas stem from a single character, or sometimes I’m lucky enough to have a title before literally anything else. I’ve come up with titles before that just sent my brain into overdrive and THEN the story ideas came after. Otherwise, I note things down, such as character descriptions, some archetypes, possible names, etc. then I build the hero’s purpose and create the plot from there. 

I’ve never done a complete outline for a book; my brain just can’t seem to make it that far. So I make a bunch of notes about random shit and then just pants it. This probably has a lot to do with me never finishing anything.

I don’t have an exact process. A lot of the time everything remains in note-form. And, to be honest, my approach to a story is different depending on what I’m trying to write. 

17.  Whatwriting habits or rituals do you have?

I wish I knew! I’m too unfocused; I’m always changing the surroundings that I write in, or what I have in arm’s reach that I might need. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I refer to notes, other times I completely ignore them.

I guess the only things that stays the same is the font type/size I write in.

23.  Favouriteauthor

At this point in time, Sarah J Maas. But for her Throne of Glass series, not ACOTAR (at least not the third book or the novella).

24.  Favouritegenre to write and read

I like to write Fantasy and Contemporary. I try to dabble in other stuff but I’m not very good at it. And I love YA Fantasy/Fantasy. There’s a lot of hills in Fantasy that I will gladly die on.

25.  Favouritepart of writing

Emotional or intense scenes between characters, whether it’s the hero and their friends or love interest, or the good guys vs the bad guys. It’s just such a rush getting all the angst or anger or hate or intimacy on the page. Even fight scenes - I love writing fight scenes.

26.  Favouritewriting program

I just use Word. Always have.

27.  Favouriteline/scene

From something I’ve written? 

He wanted to find whoever had murdered the woman he loved, and he wanted to watch them burn for what they had done. For the hole they had left in her chest when the soldiers had found her. For the beautiful soul they had reaped from her body. 

For the gaping emptiness they had wrought upon his life now that she was gone. - The Divine

Love that moment, and I was so into it that it’s become one of my favourite chapters. 

28.  Favouriteside character

Probably Ronan Quintus. The excerpt linked doesn’t do him any justice at all, but he plays such an important role in the universe of The Divine that to go into it would just ruin everything. In fact, I think the excerpt I shared has a spoiler in it if you read carefully. 

29.  Favouritevillain

ROURKE. That evil, slimy bastard - I love him. And also Kane … oh man, the levels of psychotic he’s waiting to bring down on the world.

30.  Favouriteidea you haven’t started on yet

This one! But I’m keeping it at a distance for now because I have other stuff to write and finish first. But one day … 

31.  Leastfavourite part of writing

Constantly. Getting. Stuck. 

33.  Haveyou ever killed a main character?

Yes. Lots of times. I try to make sure it makes sense for the story, though, and not just kill them for the feels and tragedy of it all. I like tragic heroes, but it has to be in the right context. 

34.  Whatwas the hardest scene you ever had to write?

When I first wrote Freefall (all of which, by the way, was difficult to write) there were two scenes that broke me, and I had to take a week or two away from the story just to get back in the right frame of mind to even consider continuing it.

I don’t see the point in keeping this spoiler-free so … the first was the suicide scene, and the second was Lexi’s panic attack when she realises that she’s about to lose everything she waited her whole life to have. 

They were two scenes that resonated with me so deeply that I’m not sure I could even begin to explain why. That novel is extremely personal to me, more so than anything else I’ve ever or will ever write. There’s a lot of raw emotion, and it’s taken me 10 years to look at it again and say, “It’s time to re-write it.”

38.  Weirdeststory idea you’ve ever had

I don’t think I’ve ever had one, if I’m being totally honest. I like reading weird and crazy stuff but it’s not really something I consider a strong point in writing. I think I’m too straight-laced to try writing anything weird or funny!

44.  Howmuch research do you do?

Okay, time for the shame …

I barely research unless it’s something very specific. While research can be important, I’m definitely of the mindset of just allowing yourself to be creative and just write what you want to write. There are plenty of ways to mark certain things you’re not sure about as you’re writing (and go back to it later), but I don’t like to keep stopping just to look something up. And I don’t believe that people research absolutely everything before they start - I called bullshit on that with a teacher once and I stand by it. 

I find the problem with research is that it never stops. At most, I like to read a little bit about creative writing to see if I can apply certain methods to my ideas, but it kinda ends there.

45.  Howmuch world building do you do?

… again, not a lot. And for someone who writes Fantasy, that’s a bit of a hindrance. I get judged for this one quite a lot actually and it sucks. 

I made a proper effort with The Divine because, even objectively, the world was small, it didn’t make sense, and there was no depth. All my focus went to the characters, but they ended up in a world that may as well have been four walls and a roof. I’m definitely not at epic levels of world-building, but I’m better than I was this time last year for sure.

[etc-greys]

Season 14 Episode 7: Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

Songs of The Episode:

Young Folks by The Wind And The Wave

Cosy in the Rocket by PSAPP

They by Congratulationz ft CavasBeta

Keep Breathing by Congratulationz

Such Great Heights by Madi Diaz & K.S. Rhoads

Portions for Foxes by Rilo Kiley

Synopsis:

*Warning this episode is extremely nostalgic and it is advised that you have your tissues ready*

The episode dives right into your feels as it opens with Mer on the beloved Seattle Ferryboat, yes that's right the boat that was once on Derek’s scrub cap -now housed by Mer- and the same boat that takes you to where the fantastical dream house was built. Accompanying her is Alex, as they descend back to the hospital. It is presumed that she went to see Derek and tell him about her prestigious Harper Avery nomination, when Alex asks, “How was it, was he happy for you?” To which she replied with a smile “No, he was jealous,” reminding us of their extremely competitive, yet ever motivating relationship.

Meanwhile Amelia walks in on Carina and Owen cooking naked… Amelia and Owen try to cover the awkward moment, but just ends in Amelia stealing some French toast while leaving hastily. Then we jump to Bailey as she’s walking to work with Ben driving alongside her trying to convince her to join him. She found out about the fire academy and to say she’s displeased would be an understatement. Arizona is painting every possible color on Sophia’s room, as she anxiously awaits her daughter’s arrival.

Another note of nostalgia as we see the new interns in the historic hallway (aka the tunnels) with the excess hospital beds. We are reminded of our favorite sleep deprived interns, the originals who grew up in those halls to be the doctors they are today. Mer is hesitant to leave for Boston where the Harper Avery Awards will take place. Alex tries to convince her, but is unsuccessful when a incoming trauma comes in. Deluca is still avoiding his ex, Sam.

The medical trauma this week: a rollercoaster ride gone awry! The first patient, who saved a bunch of children, is under the care of Owen and Amelia. Webber briefs Mer and Alex on the two patients who were transferred in the rollercoaster cart in which they crashed, for it would’ve been to life threatening to remove prior to their arrival at Grey Sloan. But wait, don’t they look familiar…. OMG they are the George and Cristina doppelgangers… but wait their friend just stepped out of the ambulance to check on them and… she is Izzie’s pregnant doppelganger. What.. what… and on que, the original theme song begins to play. Boy are we in for a treat.

Jackson tries to convince Mer to get moving, but she’s not leaving the trauma. Also it turns out the doppelgangers are doctors, they interning at Seattle Press! Bailey sends Ben to the Clinic as a punishment. Jackson checks in on Bailey to see where she is on the contest, but is quickly swerved when she confronts him about her husband’s career change and whether he happened to know about it when he had given her the money. Then we get a major throwback as we see Owen push Amelia back when he tells her that the hero doesn’t need a CT, but instead must be rushed to surgery. I’m sure this triggers you, just as well as me, back to that same decision that ultimately killed Derek. When we recall the tragedy of Derek’s death we reflect on a simple diagnosis that can be captured by quick CT and then fixed by an immediate surgery. Unfortunately, if this bleed is not seen right away, the patient will be gone, even if the rest of their body is healed by other surgeries. Alex is in shock at seeing Izzie, as Jo walks up for advice. He tells Jo that since she’s always wondered what she was like and surprised, Jo describes her as pretty and perky. Then Izzie comes up to them to check in on her friends, when he’s at a loss for words and Jo just watches him struggle in the most comical way. Izzie begins to lose her balance, and Alex swoops in to catch her. Another major tbt to when he carried Izzie after Denny’s heart wrenching death.

The intensity rises as baby George is unable to breathe when they remove part of the car seat. No worries, Webber has the fix, Mer must hold traction on his head. They are confused why everyone continues to stare at them and Mer fesses up, she tells them it's because they remind everyone of George and Cristina. To which baby Cristina freaks out and yells at them not to stare.

Little Izzie has an ultra sound done, and finds out that her baby has a tumor on it’s placenta. She must have surgery to get it removed, as it is very dangerous. Fearful, Izzie grabs Alex’s hand and Jo address the weirdness of the situation, but at the same time understands.  Mer is still holding traction and Jackson comes by to help. When baby Cristina realizes who the both of them are, her tune changes and she relates them to surgical royalty. Katherine and Jackson nearly convinced Mer to go to the awards, when after they transported baby George, baby Cristina’s stats started to plummet. She then tells Jackson to go in her place.

April makes her own attempt to convince Mer to go, but baby Cristina begs her not to. She claims Mer to be her idol and asks of her to think of her best friend (the real Cristina) and to save her like she would her best friend, to fight for her with the same vigor. Pulling at all of are heartstrings and nearly bringing Mer to tears. Jackson announces that Mer’s not going, so Maggie and Zola stay behind as the Avery’s depart. Amelia rushes to the OR with a portable CT when she finds out that Owen had ignored her order. He accuses her of being upset about his encounter with Carina, you know the one she walked in on. But she proves him wrong when the CT discovers a brain bleed (an expanding epidural hematoma to be exact) in which she must operate immediately. After gloating a bit to Owen, he then apologizes for doubting her. She explains that he was partially right, in that she was thinking of Derek and that in doing so he saved a man’s life today.

Webber and Bailey check in on baby George who blames himself for endangering his friends, when all he wanted was to have a little fun outside of working. His self- deprecating, selflessness, and innocence, triggers Bailey to recall the real George, a man who helped deliver her baby, who was really a part of her family, and whose death she mourned daily for over a year after the tragic incident occurred. Interestingly enough, when Webber goes to comfort her, he finds out that the tears are from her anger with Ben. Unfortunately their moment was interrupted by the sounds of banging in the skills lab (notice the accidental word play hahaha), to which Sam, followed by Deluca exited. Deluca consults his sister about his recent love affair with Sam, one that she’s seen the end result time and again.

April is angry with Mer for taking her Harper Avery nomination for granted, and inadvertently expresses her jealousy. She feels inferior, but Mer reminds her that she is not average, that she is incredible and ultimately she should give herself more credit. And she also expresses how deeply she does want the award. Arizona, Jo, and Alex must perform an emergency c-section on Izzie, because the baby is in distress. Arizona remembers Mark in comforting Izzie. She remembers his calmness, his charm, and his kindness. In this beautiful moment, she delivers the baby and also comforts herself as she prepares for her daughter's arrival, he reminds her of her strength, and instills confidence in her to be a fulltime mom again.

In one of my absolute favorite scenes of the episode, to which I cried a little if we’re being honest, Zola proves that she is wise beyond her years. She tells Maggie that she’s going be a brain surgeon like her father, before admitting that she missed her dad and then asked Maggie if she missed her mom. When Maggie answers with an almost tearful yea, Zola then recounts what she believes her mama would say: “Even though your mom’s not here, she’s always with you.” To end this beautiful moment she offers her aunty a hug.

Webber and Bailey save baby George, but not without wishing they had been able to do the same for the real George. Izzie’s baby is okay! Alex lets her hold baby Jasper for just a few minutes before he must take him to the NICU, but in this moment we see Arizona and Karev marvel in their past memories.

Bailey is scared of Ben’s commitment issues. But he explains that he just wants to try this while he is still young and able, he doesn’t want to live his life with regrets. Before they are able to finish their conversation, Webber grabs Bailey since Jackson is on the phone.

Another tear jerker. Jo tells Alex to call Izzie to get closure and see how she’s doing. Instead he tells her the story that she’s made up for her in his mind, one that is intricate, personal, and a bit of a nod at how Katherine Heigl is actually living, a tale in which she’s extremely happy. He tells her that he doesn’t need to call her because he doesn’t want to ruin it and he feels that “she’s as happy as I am with you.” Then they lean back in silence, just so happily in love and mature enough, grown enough, comfortable enough to acknowledge their past and embrace it, as it poses no threat to their future (that is his ex doesn’t, her ex poses a detrimental threat to their happiness, but I digress, let us be happy in this moment).

You know what, don’t even bother putting your tissues away. After Mer and April’s surgery, Bailey and Webber bring the Harper Avery awards to her as they project the show on the TV in the OR. All of the doctors along with Zola watch from the gallery as Catherine Avery announces that Meredith Grey has WON THE HARPER AVERY. Jackson gives the most heartwarming, eloquent, and masterful speech about Mer’s dedication to surgery, to her patients, and that despite her personal tragedies, she’s remained a gracefully innovative person/surgeon. He also pays tribute to her fallen sister, Lexie, who was one of my absolute favorite characters. As Mer along with all the doctors marvel in the moment, they pan the camera to the gallery where we see Mer looking up to a familiar face. Her mother applauds her with the proudest of smiles and we see the joy on Mer’s face in knowing that her mother is indeed looking down on her extraordinary daughter.  

Back at Arizona’s house, we see little Sophia as she arrives back home. She expresses how much she misses her mama and Arizona admits that she does too (a nod to Callie who is happy in NYC). As Arizona comforts her daughter with ice cream, there’s a close up of the first family photo of Mark, Arizona, Callie, and Sophia, the one that was taken so many seasons ago, paying homage to the fallen and the departed.

Things get steamy back at the hospital as Deluca and Sam hook up in the infamous on call room. Mer shows Owen baby Cristina, but he denies their similarities, to which she mentions Burke (saying that she should ask him if they look alike), thus another tribute to departed. He also reminds her that no one is like Cristina, true that Owen!

Mer and Alex kick the interns outta the tunnels as they celebrate together Mer’s epic and well deserved win. Cristina then facetimes in as they all enjoy champagne.  

A Few Additional Thoughts:

First of all, this episode was incredible and had a lot of nods to the epicness of Grey’s Anatomy’s 300 episodes! Kudos to the entire cast, crew, and writers on the incredible work they’ve done. This episode was truly special and definitely worth the watch. My praises are endless and thus I’ve decided to dedicate a whole other post to commemorate 300 episodes of Greys and the impact it’s had. So for more info, check out our next post!

[justinjohn]

Questionnaire.

I started a new job.  They asked me to fill out a questionnaire for the website. So I did.  Here it is. Hi, my name is Justin. Now you can learn a little more about me:

1. My go to morning commute song is: Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. 2. If I could learn any skill, it would be: Cleaning a glass table without leaving a streak on either side. 3. My first job was: Grocery store bagger / cart return / cookie-aisle stock person, in chief. 4. As a kid, I always got in trouble for: Jumping on neighbors' trampolines without their permission. 5. The last thing I ate was: A frozen dinner that tasted like the plastic film on top. 6. My go to karaoke song is: All I Want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey, but year round. 7. My friends describe me as: Passionate, Peppy, and Persistent 8. My biggest pet peeve: When women wear glasses down the aisle at their own wedding. 9. My guilty pleasure tv show is: 90-day Fiance. Because watching other peoples' relationships fall apart on national TV makes me feel better about my own. 10. Longest I have gone without sleep was when: The entire decade of my 20s in New York. 11. The top thing on my bucket list is: Finding my inner Geisha in Japan.Or Drinking wine until my teeth turn purple in the french countryside. 12. Pancakes or waffles: Pancakes. Unless the waffle has whipped cream and strawberries. The sometimes waffle. Occasionally toast, but only with something savory and ideally with a rameken of butter and fresh preserves and NOT the packets. 13. My weirdest family tradition is: We still go to Disneyworld every few years for Thanksgiving, even though we're now all in our late 30s / 40s / have our own children. 14. My favorite family tradition is: Every year before Christmas we spend a weekend 'downtown' Chicago, like we grew up on a farm and celebrate urban life once a year. 15. My movie rating would be: PG13 for some language and slight nudity. 16. I am most afraid of: When someone locks me in a bathroom and shouts "Bloody Mary" over and over again. 17. My strangest talent is: Guessing peoples' nationalities / not to be confused with racism. 18. I cant believe I used to wear: A huge cross choker for 3 out of 4 years of college. 19. I have a phobia of: 1. Crocs. 2. Women in leggings as pants. 3. pleated khakis

20. My friends call me: Stanks. Flattering.  21. My favorite tv show as a child was: Home Shopping Network 22. My hidden talent is: Readily falling asleep at any moment in time, given 3-5 minutes of extended silence or darkness. 23. Worst hair style I’ve had was: The "Caesar", circa 6th grade. Or when kids used to part their hair parted down the middle in the 90s, which was not actually a 'style’ but more a ‘phenomenon.’ 24. This movie always makes me cry: Fifty Shades of Gray. 25. I can’t function without: 1. CNN. 2. anti-depressants 3. coffee 26. I was named after: Justin Bieber. Just kidding he could be my child. 27. My favorite local restaurant is: Chipotle..? 28. My favorite Disney movie is: The Incredibles. 29. If I was an animal I would be: A Liger. 30. I am a master at cooking: Frozen, microwaveable food. 31. The trend/fad I wish would come back is: Spandex. Ideally neon. 32. My favorite summer activity is: Drinking alcohol. But, outside..? 33. My first pet was (include name): Melissa the cat. 34. I wish I could eat (blank) for every meal: Queso from Uncle Julio, the chain. I would happily eat my way out of a vat if I had to. 35. My strangest childhood hobby was: Dressing up as a clown and hiding under my parents' bed until they went to sleep. 35 B. Something you do not know about me is: I killed my parents.     Just kidding, how about: I lost first place in my school-wide spelling bee in the eighth grade because I misspelled the word "eighth." 37. Worst date I’ve been on was when: 1. The person afterward asked me if I was doing cocaine the entire time. 2. A first date urinated on my living room floor, is now my boyfriend of 4 years. 38. Worst gift I’ve received: A gift certificate to a massage parlor that may have been an escort service. 39. Best gift I’ve received: A gift certificate to a massage parlor that may have been an escort service. 40. If I had a superpower it would be: Finding where all the missing socks go in a wash cycle. 41. The one place I’ve always wanted to visit is: Nutella headquarters. 42. My favorite vacation was when: My mom had to drive a stick-shift, 9-person van on the other side of the road through the Scotland countryside and nearly killed our entire family at once. 43. Last purchase was: Bar-bell weights. So I can stop doing squats with a Le Creuset filled with water in front of the TV. 44. My hometown is: Lemont, Illinois, the Village of Faith. 45. My favorite scene in any movie is: When Lexie Featherston falls out of the window in that Sex in the City episode. (or if thats cheating bc it's TV..): When Joy realizes that she can't experience happiness without Sadness.  #optimismindepression. 

46. My favorite holiday tradition is: 1. Covering up the label on my pumpkin spice latte so people don't think I'm basic. 2. Cider 47. My first concert was: Spice Girls, eighth grade. 48. Unique or quirky habit: Light and varied manifestations of OCD. 49. If I could describe myself in three words, they would be: Unwaveringly, steadfastly inconsistent. 50. Best Halloween costume I’ve ever worn was: Custom tailored white Elvis jumpsuit with deluxe wig. 51. My Hero Is: My mom.  52. You would never guess I: Weighed the same weight I do now at age 9. 53. My Spirit Animal is: Chrissy Teigen on Twitter.

[maggiehaha]

Everyone’s a fan of someone... with Non Pratt

When I started writing UNCONVENTIONAL, I knew it was going to be set across a series of fan conventions, and it was going to involve a lot of books. A lot. Partly, this is because at least some of the inspiration came from my visit to the very first YALC a few years ago, and partly because it’s a story about the things and the people we love… and I really, really love books.

During one scene in the book, Lexi points out that everyone’s a fan of someone… and that’s absolutely true. When I came up with the idea of asking a couple of UKYA authors whether they’d be willing to appear in a cameo, I wanted them to be people I’m a fan of - and wonderfully, they all said yes (proving beyond a doubt that UKYA people are the best, most generous and most fun people.)

It’s very difficult to explain just how much I love Non Pratt’s writing. She’s smart, she’s incisive and - best of all - she’s funny. Her books aren’t afraid to be honest and awkward, and peopled with characters you can genuinely believe in. Her prose can also flip and turn on the spot and take you from laughing to crying and right back again. It’s no exaggeration to say that Non Pratt has the full palette of human emotion at her disposal, and knows how to use it. 

To me, she is one of the Cool Kids of UKYA - but the really friendly one: the one who makes space for you at their table at lunchtime and shares their chips.

This too. And because she’s also brilliant, you could be pretty sure she’d be able to come up with an excellent and entirely believable cover story.

(She also has very very very good taste in music. This is a sign of a Good Person.)

Non’s next book, TRUTH OR DARE, will be out in the UK in June this year. And I can’t wait - so much so that I asked Non for a couple of teasers...

Describe the plot of Truth or Dare in 10 words?

New YouTubers with good intentions, questionable methods and surprising results.

What would your main characters tell us Truth or Dare is about? (And what about the minor ones?)

Claire: It’s about putting your fears aside and other people first. Sef: Me. (I’m joking. Obviously.) It’s about making things right, even when you can’t.

Minor characters The cat, Cheddar: It’s about losing the human I loved and not knowing why.

Why did you write Truth or Dare?

Each of my books contains some vague theme, or question that I’m fascinated with and for this one, it’s the concept of bravery. What does it take to be brave? And what happens if our fears simply can’t be faced? What does that do to a person? But once I get hold of the theme, everything starts layering up and I find different little things to obsess over: how society provides for people who suffer from neurodisability like Sef’s brother Kam; the dichotomy of who a person is online and who they are in the real world; love for our friends and our family – and for the people who gives us what we most need. Also cartoon tapirs, salty comments about racism and flirting. Lots and lots and lots of flirting.

I dare you: why should people definitely NOT read Truth or Dare?

Because I gave Claire a really horrid nickname that made me do a little gag every time I had to read it during the editorial process.

As if that wasn’t enough, Non also answered my fandom questions - so without further ado...

1. What book is your 'Piecekeepers'? Was there one in particular that you wished you could live in - or that changed everything for you - when you were Lexi's age?

There have been a lot of Piecekeepers in my lifetime – the Deptford Mice, Harry Potter and more recently the Grishaverse of Leigh Bardugo’s Six of Crows. But the one I lived in when I was roughly Lexi’s age was Pullman’s His Dark Materials. I was in my second year at uni studying Philosophy and was already a bit obsessed with parallel worlds thanks to Leibniz and Lewis (and, erm… Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and here was a story exploring those worlds! It was the perfect universe for me to inhabit and sent me off on a theory that all it takes to access a possible is for us to be able to imagine it… so every time you read a story, you’re visiting an alternate reality. Just, in your head.

2. What's your favourite convention memory, and what would your dream convention event be?

YALC 2014. It was my first event as an author for the Bringing Sexy Back panel with Juno Dawson, Cat Clarke and Beth Reekles. At this con, the authors shared a green room with the properly famous actors and I found myself washing my hands in the loos next to a really lovely lady who chatted to me about how hot the building was. AND THEN I REALISED SHE WAS JULIET LANDAU. So being really cool I just squeaked “You’re Drusilla! From Buffy! You’re completely brilliant!” and then I also managed to squeak, “I know you have a real name, sorry.” She was gracious and lovely and, no, I didn’t ask for her autograph.

3. Everyone's a fan of someone: who are you a fan of, and why?

Frances Hardinge. At the same YALC I accosted her to fangirl over how amazing I thought her imagination was and how funny and clever and generally brilliant she is. I did this not once (in the afternoon), but twice (again at the drinks). Like a weirdo. But the thing about Frances is that she is everything you wish a children’s author should be – kind, patient, funny and humble and both interesting and interested. I continue to be a huge fan of her writing, but I am also a fan of her as a human.

4. Which Hogwarts house do you belong to... and if you could override the Sorting Hat, would you choose a different one? (And why?)

For a very long time, I self-Sorted as Hufflepuff. I was so blatantly the well-meaning, not especially useful but tries anyway sort of person. And Hufflepuff is the kind house – who doesn’t want kindness to be their defining feature? But then I got Sorted on Pottermore: Gryffindor. I was OUTRAGED, how could this be true? So I did every single test I could find on the internet. And I was bloody Gryffindor in *all* of them. So, after some soul searching, I embraced my true House and admitted that FINE, I’m a tad reckless. And quick to rise to the bait. But the one Hufflepuff trait I’m not letting go of is that I’m loyal. That’s totally compatible with being a Gryffindor and if you say otherwise, I’ll fight ya.

5. What's the best thing about the YA book tribe?

That we never shut up about each other. Ask any UKYA writer to recommend a book other than their own and you’ll get a litany of names and titles delivered with genuine love and enthusiasm. We’re walking Amazon algorithms – only we pay taxes and actually care whether you like what we’ve recommended.

[graceivers]

Review #26 - Ruthless

Ruthless Author: Lexi Blake Genre: Billionaires & CEOs, Contemporary Romance, Lawyers, Romantic Suspense, Workplace Romance Rating: ★★★★★ Recommendation: worth reading; might read again Summary: Riley Lawless is hellbent on seeking revenge for his family. Ellie Stratton happens to be innocently connected to the Lawless family’s downfall. The plan for Riley to seduce Ellie to get what he wants, however, takes many turns and soon changes both of their perspectives on what they know about each other and their own lives.

Female Lead: Sweet, amazing Ellie Stratton. Blake tirelessly writes Ellie as sweet and innocent and a bit idealistic even when her world turns upside down thanks to the Lawless clan and other people undermining her under her very nose. And still, after all is said and done, those amazing qualities persist. Her compassion is consistent and apparent and wins out in the end. Ellie has a pretty strong moral compass. She chooses to look toward the future instead of wailing about everything unfortunate thing that has happened in her past. She has appropriate and justified reactions to every twist that throws her life in a loop, and yet she rarely wishes ill on those who have wronged her. She has understandable insecurities given the position she is in as a female leader, but in the end, she is still a strong and independent woman who worked hard to get to where she is. Seriously, kudos to Blake for writing a WELL-ROUNDED female protagonist—one that is strong, one that stands up for herself, one that takes her life into her own hands, one that recognizes her insecurities and overcomes them, one that is vulnerable, one that is compassionate and loving and understanding and willing to forgive and all in all, GOOD. Male Lead: Oh, Riley Lawless. My favorite thing about the way Blake wrote this character is the duality between his aggressive and hard personality due to the circumstances and experiences of his life and the outright fear and vulnerability this character exudes when he is honest and comes to terms with the life he’s been forced to live. Riley is hellbent on avenging his parents and has worked basically his entire life since their deaths toward that singular goal. Given his horrible experience in foster care, though, he’s bruised and broken. He admits that he’s not normal. But oh, it was the most heart-wrenching moment when he told Ellie that he just wanted to be normal. That kind of honesty behind the usual hardness we get is exactly what I wanted to see in this character in order for me to really root for him and his relationship with Ellie.

What was even better was his character development, especially in regards to how he was approaching his relationship to Ellie and how his perspective on it continued to morph. Riley views her as a target first and maybe collateral damage, but once he worms his way into her life and they begin an intimate relationship, his perspective changes. He puts Ellie first! For the first time in Ellie’s life, someone has put her first. And even though Riley has so much to make up for given that he lied to and betrayed Ellie, he still puts her first. He does everything in his power to love and protect her. He’s willing to give up what he has left of his family and their crusade to avenge their parents because he loves her more than anything. Take note! Love is far more powerful than hate. That is something to be remembered, and Riley perfectly exemplifies that notion. But oh, it doesn’t stop there. No, when Riley is trying to win back Ellie and it’s not exactly going as planned, he recognizes his faults! He realizes what he’s doing wrong, how he shouldn’t be treating Ellie like some goal he should plan and execute, and he rectifies his behavior! He refuses to give up and decidedly changes his tactics because that’s what Ellie means to him. And because that’s how you treat a woman—not by demanding or giving an ultimatum or forcing her but by chasing while respecting her wishes and boundaries. That was seriously the best, and I commend Blake for infusing that into this book.

One tiny note, Riley’s sleeping issue. I love that that was incorporated into his character, but I think the issue was kind of left hanging when there was a point to its inclusion. I can’t really believe that for a guy who can only sleep in a room by himself with the door locked and a chair underneath the doorknob can suddenly get so much better after literally sleeping with Ellie for a night. Blake does include the revealing nightmare Riley has into that scene, which tells us that he’s not completely over it, but I personally thought the issue was a little glossed over. But… that’s me being a little nit-picky when I can understand that there are a lot of other parts of the story that require attention compared to this sleeping issue Riley has. Plot & Writing: Ruthless is a work of romantic suspense with all the right ingredients that made the book an enjoyable read. The female lead shines; the male lead is a three-dimensional character; the plot is dramatic and juicy and yet emotional all at once. I mean, okay, the definition of internal screaming was me reading the prologue because I had zero idea that the Lawless clan were kids in that moment until it was embarrassingly late, and geez, I basically loved every single Lawless child right there and then and would defend them no matter what they would do and who they would become in the future. Blake really got me invested in these characters from the get-go, and that was crucial.

I must talk about how much female empowerment I felt in this book through Blake’s writing. I mean, maybe it was enhanced because literally the last book I read was that abomination in my previous review, but seriously, Ellie Stratton was sorely what I wanted and needed. First of all, FEMALE CEO. I mean, she kind of has to fight for the title given the book’s plot, but still. She’s top dog at her company and everyone knows it, including the people trying to take her down. Not only is she all but the CEO, but she worked her way up. Yes, the company is her father’s, but she wasn’t just given the position and the company. She had been working there since a teenager and in multiple departments, so much that many employees showed a lot of courage and loyalty to her when others tried to undermine her reputation. But not only that, SHE’S THE ONE TO TAKE DOWN THE BAD GUY. I mean, Castalano, the bad guy, died not at the direct hands and effects of what Ellie or any of the Lawless’ physically did to him, but seriously. Ellie was the one that physically neutralized him as a threat. I love Ellie as a character so much in that moment, and I love Blake for putting that in. So much female empowerment. I love it.

I thought Riley and Ellie’s relationship developed at a pretty good rate. I wasn’t really keeping track of how long they knew each other before they decided they were falling in love with each other. Did I initially think it was too fast? Yeah. Somewhere in there, Blake said it had only been a matter of a weeks or at most like a couple of months or something. I could be wrong. And yet, I didn’t feel bothered by any instalove problems. It was so clear to me that Riley loved Ellie so much, that she changed not only his view on life but his life entirely. I thought the strong emotions and determination behind that feeling was genuine to root for the couple. Of course, Ellie was absolutely entitled to feel hurt and betrayed the way she did given that Riley lied and all but used her, but again, her compassion is what defines her character, and in the end, she can’t help but feel compassion towards Riley and his siblings. She can’t help but be on their side. Hell, she kind of already was when she found out both what her father did to their family and who Riley truly was. And though Ellie has every right to be angry at Riley for the rest of her life and never forgive him, well, life and death situations tend to make people reevaluate and sure enough, she realized that Riley’s relentless ways to win her back were in fact genuine and that their love could not be denied.

And then there was the fact that there was no dilly-dallying on Blake’s part. Blake didn’t keep secrets from the reader, and that was great. I know authors like to drag things out, keep readers in the dark and guessing as to what’s going to happen to create that suspenseful tone; hey, as a writer for fun, I’m probably guilty of it too. But Blake doesn’t go there. She flat out states what she needs to when she needs to. The fact that Ellie knows straight-up her father’s involvement in ruining the Lawless family was honestly refreshing. The fact that Ellie was brought into the Lawless revenge plan once she knew of Riley’s true identity was great. Blake got to the point and moved things along. The plot itself was suspenseful, and Blake honored that plot and relied on her story to set the tone. It worked out well.

Two slight, tiny things. First, there were a couple of typos. That was a little disappointing considering I read this off of Overdrive and it wasn’t self-published or whatever. Very minor in the end, but still, shouldn’t have occurred. And second, the epilogue was a tiny bit disappointing. Yes, I understand that Blake utilized the epilogue as a segue to the next book in the series. Unfortunately, I was kind of hoping for a better wrap-up for Ellie and Riley’s story. Alas, I hope that they’re going to make strong side appearances in the future books of the series. Secondary Characters & Plots: I LOVED THEM ALL. Seriously, all of them. Even the bad guys, I loved for playing their part in being bad. Again, I was absolutely Team Lawless from the beginning. If Riley is hard, Drew, the eldest Lawless, is twice has hard and aggressive. I mean, Blake describes him predatory. Is he a scary man? Probably, yeah. Am I going to read his book and root for him to find love? Absolutely. After finding love with Ellie, Riley is concerned and so wanting his big brother to find some light and warmth and to have love in his life the way he has, but Drew is so closed off and adamant that he won’t find it or get it or have it. It was heartbreaking when Drew kept having moments where he said that he didn’t get it or didn’t understand why Riley so vehemently protected and chose Ellie over avenging their parents’ death. Goodness, Blake really made me feel for Drew then.

And then Bran. Oh, Bran. His childhood was clearly the worst out of all the Lawless siblings having gone from foster home to foster home. It’s evident that something horrendous happened, which is why Bran can be so wildly violent. And yet! There’s the sweetest side of him that protects women. I mean, Blake wrote that Bran worships the housekeeper basically for doing her job! Cute isn’t the right word to describe Bran at all, but seriously, that soft side of him is exactly that. Bran is absolutely the philosophical one, the one with the psychology minor, the one that sees the world in that particular and almost poignant way. I love him as much as I love Riley and Drew and am equally invested and rooting for him.

Mia, the only Lawless girl, was great, though we didn’t get much of her. And again, Blake wrote all the other secondary characters very nicely by giving them defined roles. Even the McKay-Taggart clan/company/whatever! SERIOUSLY. I WILL BE FOREVER DISAPPOINTED THAT BLAKE HAS AN ENTIRE SERIES DEVOTED TO THE MCKAY-TAGGART COMPANY THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO READ BECAUSE SHE PUT BDSM IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE BOOKS. Forever. Disappointed. I wanted read about Case and how he got together with Mia. I wanted to read about Case’s scary older brother. I wanted to read about Adam, the freaking hacker guy that was in Ruthless for like three pages when he was on the phone with Riley! And now it’s never going to happen. Sigh. Favorite Part(s): Every time there was a honest and communicative conversation between two characters. For a book about lies and deceit, manipulation and thievery, Blake incorporated quite a few serious and honest conversations between characters—between Ellie and Riley, Ellie and Bran, Drew and Riley. These conversations were very well done. They moved the plot along; they revealed character and subsequent development; they forced characters to genuinely communicate! For all that was planned to take down Castalano, none of it would’ve occurred had the Lawlesses as well as Ellie communicated with each other.

And of course, I loved the female empowerment I got from Blake’s writing. It deserved another mention. Final Thoughts: Ruthless was a pleasant surprise! Even though I have a massive to-read list, I was just browsing around Overdrive and thought I’d give this a shot. I am super happy that I did. The book had romantic suspense without the hardcore alpha/military stuff, inclusion of a female CEO-type, and still a solid romance overall. I liked Blake as an author; she made all the genres that I categorized this book under work very well together. Everything was seamless and cohesive, and I very much enjoyed it. Definitely worth reading in my opinion.

[cchsctv]

Stn Nationals 2017

Wow. I can't believe it's over. My second Stn has come and gone, and it fully lived up to my expectations. As I'm sitting here on the plane back, I can't help but smile and think about all of the amazing memories I've made. About Crazy 8- Boy was it crazy. We called 13 places and all of them fell through. We finally went to the transportation center and found a story. Security kicked us out 3 times, but every time we went back to film. Getting back to base, we edited and turned in our news pkg, it was great to make deadline. Watching Lian edit the show was awesome. I knew we were in great hands, and she performed so well. We we finished and the show exported, we all followed Lian, yelling "Ooo ooooo ooooo ooooo". It was pure awesomeness. Alexa - Sis, you were awesome. I think we worked so well together, we really meshed. We had fun and at the same time go the job done. It felt great editing with you and I think we really compliment each other. I can't wait for the many more memories we're going to have. Casey - Casey Chapter. You crazy kid. You're such amazing scripter. You help us convey the story by adding a whole new element to our show. Beyond that, you're so I knowledgeable behind the camera. I love working with you, and I love how much you care. Individuals- Movie trailer I woke up so excited to start my comp. We got to the table early and we were one of the first to receive our prompt: "Incognito". We had 3 hours to film and 3 hours to edit. Becca, Andrew, and I came up with Ideaa for the prompt. The idea was that Lian was an agent on the case of the infamous "incognito killier." She chases the killer, only to realize it's herself. Fillomimg went smooth. We all worked in tandem and it flowed really well. Andrew got beautiful shots and Becca added so many aweome scenes. As we went to the edit room, I was so ready to dive in. I picked out sound tracks while Andre did cool after effects. He did this amazing red eye effect and tv effect. After a long time of editing, Andrew and I were ready to export. Watching it load on the the flash drive was beautiful. We ran outside found Becca and the rest of Ctv cheering us on. It was an amazing feeling of relief, exhaustion, and happiness. What made it even more special was that everyone made deadline!!! Andrew- holy crap man. You've got something special. You're just naturally good at what you love. And because you love it you have a drive that I've seen up close to perfect your craft. You've got special skills, not may people have them, and you can make special things. You did aweome in the editing room, the aftereffdcts were fire. Just keep being humble, and good thing will come. Your a hell of man my friend, and I'm so glad we've gotten closer. Becca- You're my soulmate and we kicked butt. All I can think about is your passion for Ctv, and it makes me so happy. You care so much, and you're not afraid to show it. You make the group laugh and you always put us in a good mood. I'm so glad we got to work together, laugh together, and make so many memories. Closing Ceremonies - This is it. This is the real deal. A million things were racing through my mind as we stepped through the doors. Individuals were announced and no one placed. We all were down a little bit, but it gives us something to improve upkn next year and step up our game. Then the big finale, our chance to show Stn who we were. It seems our Crazy 8s were appropriately saved for last. Honorable mentions came and went. And they announced third place.... Cooper City High!!! We went wild, it was the feeling I'd been waiting for. We cried and hugged and cried even more. We came to win and thats what we did. Room Gang Harris- Duude. Roomies again and it didn't disappoint. We had so much fun laughing and and just hanging out. You're my bro Doug- Douggg!!! We had so much fun lol. All of our jokes and everything else we did made the tripe even better. You're an awesome dude and I'm happy we got closer Ashton- I have so much fun with you. Being in Anaheim with you was an awesome experience and it was so much fun. You're a stud bro Jessica- I'm so happy we got closer, you're such a fun and outgoing person and you made the trip even better. Anna- We always have a good time together, no matter what! I love sitting at dinner or waking around the hotel with you. You've alleays for something so funny to say, I'm glad we spent so much time together. The Presidents- I honestly can't describe my admiration and respect for all of you. Lian, you're our rock, our leader. You destroyed any expectations and showed everyone how good you are. Through all the challenges, you still rose up to the occasion and performed. I'm so happy to have you as my president and as a great friend. I love when we make each other crack up, and all of our jokes. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart for being a great leader. We are all lucky to have someone like you. Lexi- you are such an amazing Ctver. You're one of the most talented filmed and editor I've ever seen. You're always there for us, and you have our back. I love how you're always smiling, your optimistism is infectious. You're a great leader and teacher, and you give us such a great example to follow. Isy- What would we do with out you. You keep us organized and bring so much life and spirit into our Ctv family. You're so strong willed and I respect you so much. I think we spent spent of time together and I feel we got even closer. You are a great reporter and editor and you bring an aweome sense of confidence to Ctv. To Future Newbies- After going to my second Stn, it only remifoces what Chardo and tthe oldbies say. Practice practice practice. Work with your group memeber, get as my Pimental as you can. Practice gimmicks and every area of your competition. As Mr. Pichardo for any aadvice and talks off of his tips and criticisms to heart. He knows what's he's talking about. Also, listen to your oldbies. They've been there , they know the ropes.the have valuable experience that they can share with you, don't be scared to ask. To my fellow Ctvers of next year- we can't forget the feeling of this. Let's continue on and show everyone who we are. We'll be cbacn and ready to kick ass again. Let's do it Mr. Pichardo- thank you so much for everything you've given to us . I look up to you so much, and I have such great respect for your hard work and dedication. You're an amazing advisor, and you care so much about us. it makes me love Ctv 'even more. Stn was such an amazing and exhilarating experience. It totally surpasses the hype and I loves everything about it. We came and did what we came to do. We showed everyone who we are and why we were there. It was an amazing experience and andwinning as family made it even better. Until next time Stn blog, Jakob Wolk

[psychotic-and-delusional]

Christian Feminism vs Secular feminism

This is from my devotional today. Sorry its so long y'all 🤣 Its pretty cool though or I wouldn't have shared it! The scriptures that go with this are : James 4: 7-10 John 5:19-20 Deuteronomy 33:26;29-30 Psalm 146:5 Gain heart focus by praying Scripture out loud: I submit myself to You, God. I am resisting the devil. Please cause him to flee. I choose to draw near to You today with the promise that You will draw near to me. Clean my hands because I am sinful. Purify my heart because I can be so double-minded. You have permission to make me mourn and weep, and to turn foolish laughter into mourning. I want to humble myself before You, trusting that You’ll lift my heart back up. (Adapted from James 4:7–10) So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these he will show him, so that you may marvel.” John 5:19–20 God wants you to join in His story by being at work beside Him. More than that, He wants you to be so committed to the work He is accomplishing that you do nothing unless it is initiated by Him. That was Jesus’s work ethic. He revealed it to His followers as recorded in John 5:19–20. God is always at work around you. Joining in this work is a part of the great romance you can have with Him. When He shows you where He is at work, it is an invitation to join Him. To ignore His offer would be like ignoring a love note from a guy who makes your heart spin. To see it from that perspective, let’s turn again to the love story in Song of Songs. From the very beginning, the Maiden is eager to know where Solomon is at work. Early in the story, she pleads, “Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends” (Song of Songs 1:7, NIV). She seems to know that working side by side will be a vital part of their intimacy, so she yearns to know where he is at work. She doesn’t want to have foggy vision—as if wearing a veil—about what he’s up to. And she doesn’t want to work alongside his friends. She wants to be his helper. A helpmate. Does that word make you bristle? I have to admit, I struggle with it. All too much of my mind has been programmed by the feminist movement, which has accomplished some good but sadly fuels my self-sufficiency and self-power as a woman. This tends to make me self-focused. The idea of women being helpers has been a point of contention for several generations. Our culture programs us to be strong and independent. (Translation: in charge of our own lives!) But God encourages us to let Him be in charge. And that means we have to get over ourselves. Let me show you something I discovered that helped me embrace the idea of being a helper. Genesis 2:18 reads: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a helper fit for him.’” God chose to call Eve a helper. In the original Hebrew language He called her an ezer kenedgo for Adam. The word ezer means “helper” and the word kenedgo means “to accompany.” We see that God created the first woman with the intention that she would accompany man in order to help him. Ready for the beauty? Only two references in the Bible point to a woman’s being an ezer, a helper. All the rest describe Someone else in that role. God is called our ezer multiple times in the Old Testament. Here’s just a sweet taste: There is none like God…who rides through the heavens to your help [ezer]. Deuteronomy 33:26 * Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help [ezer], and the sword of your triumph! Deuteronomy 33:29 * Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help [ezer] and our shield. Psalm 33:20 * Blessed is he whose help [ezer] is the God of Jacob. Psalm 146:5 Being a helper is no second-class position. What a privilege we have as females to reflect the concerned helping quality of God our Maker. He certainly does not walk subserviently behind us, but comes tenderly alongside us in a position of strength. That’s what it means to be a helpmate. Yet this beautiful privilege of being a helper within marriage has met with the firm resistance from hearts molded by the feminist mentality. Mine included. The irony of our resistance is that helping is deeply rooted into the hearts of women. It comes out readily in our friendships, for example. Girlfriends are eager to help plan parties or study for an exam. We’ll help a girlfriend run for class president or paint her bedroom. We’re more than willing to help each other get ready for a date or make a big decision about a relationship. We find it satisfying to help one another move to a new apartment or to make a batch of noodle soup when a friend falls ill. (Guys don’t make noodle soup for each other, no matter how much they might believe in its ability to cure all ills.) Women are wired to be helpful. So why do we resist the idea of a woman helping her husband? I’m praying my silly head off right this moment that you’ll get this. Honestly, I’m praying that I’ll get it too. I struggle continually to be less self-centered and to be helpful in marriage. I am burdened with the heavy armor of defense so that no man can hurt me or take advantage of me, which makes no sense because I have a husband who gives himself to me readily in service and sacrifice. He always wins the tally on picking up the kids, outdoing me with caring for our home, and surprising me by meeting needs when I’m overloaded with life. Why on earth do I sometimes struggle to give myself back to him? The Curse rises up if I am not hidden in the secure agape of Christ, and I seek to control myself, him, and everything about our relationship. My head spins at how this will look in your life when we fast-forward a few years with the third wave of feminism sweeping so many into me-centered philosophies and me-driven purpose. I see it in the young women I counsel who lead and control every aspect of their dating relationships. We can’t experience mutual self-giving while we’re hiding behind the armor of self-control and self-protection! If we are to embody God’s self-sacrificing agape, we will have to take that armor off and pick up the task of being helpers. And to be clear, being God’s helper doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become the next Mother Teresa or marry a pastor. He might send you to Wall Street as a single woman. You see, helping is really defined by something much simpler than full-time Christian service or grand dreams. It’s the little things that count. I’m often asked by young women how to start a ministry or write a book. Please don’t ever ask me that question. I loathe it. My answer is always the same: “Find one heart. Minister. Then let God show you another.” God’s story does not unfold solely in big things—like finding yourself in a ministry to heal the sexually broken hearts of teen girls or going to India to rescue little girls. Let me show you how He most often calls us to work alongside Him. In The Message James 1:27 reads, Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. (I interrupt this passage to simply note that terrible four-letter word rearing its ugly head once again: self!) This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and the loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world. Genuine expressions of your love for Christ are often quite small, simple even. ~ Join the girl no one ever sits with at lunch. ~ Baby-sit for a single mom. ~ Take a meal to a sick family. ~ Rake the leaves in the yard of the grouchy old man next door. ~ Take a walk with the little girl down the street whose parents are never home. ~ Clean the house of a family in which the financially struggling parents are both working two jobs and never have time to catch up. ~ Sit on the street with a homeless person and listen to her story. Your opportunities to work alongside God will be revealed through your friendship with Him. He will invite you into His story in ways that uniquely fit you—but He may also lead you to do things that are not in your comfort zone. Last year Lexi and my other daughter, Autumn, and their friend, Caleb, noticed that a single mom with cancer was struggling to make Christmas special for her fourteen-year-old daughter. They would tell you that they felt ill-equipped to help, but knew they were supposed to do something for this small, fragile family. Their friendship with God prompted their hearts to take action. Before I knew what was happening, those three had a Christmas tree strapped to the top of Lexi’s RAV4 and were raiding my garage for “all those Christmas ornaments you never use.” Later, while filling that family’s living room with all things that glitter, they noticed that the cupboards were bare. A trip to the grocery store fixed that. I’m fairly sure that the only people who knew about their efforts were me, the mom, and her daughter, but I’m convinced those three teenagers passed God’s test for pure religion that day. We often dismiss these simple acts of kindness as domestic tasks better suited for a middle-aged women with kids, but putting the gospel into action is a worthwhile task for any male or female of any age. Getting lost in His story, you see, is all about bending to Him moment by moment. Just as a compelling novel unfolds scene by scene, God’s plan for your life will most likely be revealed one glimpse at a time, with the next word blossoming beautifully from the previous step of obedience. The fact is, starting a ministry is a woefully small ambition. You’d do much better to reach for something bigger: the role of being God’s helper. Write Your Story I’d like you to get honest about your emotions concerning the idea of being a helper. Purge your heart. You might answer these questions in your journal. Do you need to repent of resistance to the role of helper in your future marriage? Do you need to repent of resistance to helping now by baby-sitting, cleaning, or other things that require practical labor? What insights has God brought to your heart about helping through today’s love feast? After you’ve taken some time to get it down on paper or in the comments below (I’ll be able to counsel and answer any questions), ask God to show you a practical place where you can help someone today. And then do it.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

I read your previous answer about Stefan being a martyr or a hero (I agree with everything you wrote, thank you for always answering so throughout and thoughtful, it's a joy reading your metas) and I noticed you wrote "lost my soulmate to a coma" in a part of it and I just wonder, do you really believe stelena were soulmates? I do and I've seen other people discuss it, but it'd be fun to read your opinion on it too... if you'd like to share it of course (:

You’re welcome! I’m so glad you love reading my metas, because I always love writing them.

In answer to your question, of course I believe Stelena were soul mates. Of everything pertaining to their relationship them being soul mates is one of things that can never be denied or taken from them. Kevin Williamson has explicitly called Stelena soul mates, Nina has said Stefan feeds Elena’s soul and even Caroline Dries described their relationship after their break-up as being a soulful friendship.

Since you’re already familiar with my metas, it should be no surprise to you that I’m putting the read of my response under the cut, since it’s so long haha.

I think the concept of soul mates is one that’s different for everyone and there are no clear cut definitions or answers, but the most basic definition I can find is from the Oxford dictionary which is:

A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

I don’t even feel it’s necessary to give examples of how Stefan and Elena fit this definition. It’s pretty obvious for everyone to see that they were ideally suited both as a couple and friends. The problem with that definition is that it’s too simplistic and unfeeling, so I’m gonna go to Urban dictionary instead. I would usually never do this, but since soul mates is more about personal interpretation I wanted to get an idea of some of the common things others perceive it to mean. A few definitions say:

A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet..The first time you glimpse at each other you are immediately drawn to each other…

A soul mate is someone you meet and the instant your eyes meet you feel these incredible feelings that you never knew existed…

This is a crucial element, that I feel ultimately solidifies Stefan and Elena as soul mates above any other couple on the show. They are the only couple who had an immediate connection from the moment they first met, which is a crucial attribute of soul mates. The reason for this is that the idea of soul mates, comes from Folklore and is the idea that when a soul descends to earth it splits in two, each half of the soul inhabiting a separate body. These two halves are destined to wander the earth until they find each other and only then will they be complete. And since these two people are essentially  two halves of a whole, there is an instant recognition and connection, which is also where the idea of “love at first sight” is born from.

Another definition of soulmates is the following:

It’s the love that survives anything and everything, that struggles and pulls through, that even when it seemed hopeless and out of control it still beat strongly. It’s the love that is not superficial, a love that transcends not only the physical world but time itself.

This fits Stefan and Elena perfectly. There seems to be an impression that just because Stefan and Elena broke up their love ended or they stopped being soul mates, which is completely incorrect. Stefan and Elena’s love transcended their break-up, transcended Elena falling in love with Damon and being in a relationship with him, transcended Elena being in a coma for 3+ years and transcended Stefan’s death. In 6x22, 6 years after they met and after everything they’d been through (individually and together), Elena stood before Stefan and said, “I love you so much” and in 8x16 she sat outside Stefan’s resting place 10(?) years after his death remembering him and devoting her life to his memory. Their love was eternal and survived through everything, even death.  

A common theme I also see popping up in these definitions as I’m scrolling through is the unwillingness to live without your soul mate in your life, which again describes Stefan and Elena. Even after she broke his heart in season 4, Stefan never stopped wanting Elena to be a part of his life and in season 5 he pushed through his personal feelings in order to establish a friendship with her, because he knew she was so important to him that he’d rather have her in his life as a friend than not in his life at all. In addition, in season 6 when Stefan had moved to Savannah, Elena refused to leave Stefan alone to get on with her life and he told her that he was avoiding Mystic Falls not her. This shows that even when they weren’t living in the same town and their common connection (Damon) was gone there was still a connection between them and a desire to remain in each other’s lives. Similarly, Stefan’s reaction to Elena’s “death” in 7x12 and Elena’s reaction to Stefan’s death in 8x16 showed all the signs of people that couldn’t bear to live a life without their soul mate.

I’ve also found an article that outlines 10 elements of soul mates (x) which I’ll go through systematically.

1. It’s something inside. This is an ambiguous definition and one of the reasons discussing soul mates is so difficult. But I feel like Stefan’s quote from season 5 of, “When we were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were the perfect fit,” pertains to this. It’s something that’s deep and profound, a love that makes you feel something you can’t quite explain.

2. Flashbacks. Now, this one is very interesting regarding Stelena, because of the issues revolving around them being doppelgangers. There’s no denying the doppelganger story line developed in season 5 is incredibly flawed with plot holes left right and center, but ultimately, I feel that what it was doing was implying the idea of soul mates. The doppelgangers were born as a direct result of Silas and Amara’s love, they were literal copies of them and therefore destined to meet and fall in love. As Tessa said, she watched versions of Stefan and Elena find each other and fall in love century after century. And when you take away the idea that each doppelganger is an individual person/character these doppelgangers throughout the centuries can surely represent various past reincarnations of Stefan and Elena?

3. You just get each other.“I know you, Stefan, better than anyone.” “You know me probably better than anyone else.” “You knew me better than anyone, you always have.”

4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws.This is referring to the acceptance of one another’s flaws. I can say with complete confidence Elena accepted Stefan for his flaws and she took this a step further by having faith in his ability to overcome them. The poor writing in the later seasons means that Elena’s flaws were hardly acknowledged by the writers let alone by Stefan or any other character, but the fact he remained a faithful and loyal friend to Elena until the day he died suggests that he did indeed accept every part of Elena.

5. It’s intense. Again I feel like I don’t really need to explain this. From the very beginning their relationship was intense and although the romance ended, whenever Stefan and Elena had an emotional or romantic scene together it was incredibly intense (e.g. almost kiss in 5x04, goodbye in 8x16)

6. You two against the world.I think this definitely applied to Stefan and Elena when they were a couple. Whenever they faced an obstacle they faced it together, they were a team. When Elena was dealing with finding out she was adopted/meeting Isobel, Stefan was right there by her side, when Katherine came back and tried to tear them apart they fought to face her together, when Klaus was hunting Elena they worked as a team, even though Elena becoming a vampire broke them up, they still very much faced that together in the early episodes, and even in the hunt for the cure they were united. Let’s just put it this way: Stefan and Elena have always been on each other’s side, always fighting the same battles and for the same cause.

7. You’re mentally inseparable.This is without a doubt a trait of Stefan and Elena’s relationship. It’s why Stefan’s humanity was so rooted in his love for Elena, why Elena instinctively knew Stefan was looking at her in 3x02, it’s why no matter what happened they remained in each other’s lives, it’s why in his final moments the person Stefan saw was Elena.

8. You feel secure and protected. Again, no explanations necessary. In 3x22 Elena clearly stated that part of the reason she fell in love with Stefan is because he made her feel safe. Whenever Elena was in danger, it was always Stefan that she sought and when he held her in his embrace, you could clearly see how safe she felt just for knowing he was there. With Stefan, I think the safety he experienced with Elena was not so much rooted in his physical safety, but his emotional/mental safety. Elena was the first person since Lexi to keep him grounded, to connect him to his humanity and keep him sane. When he was with her he felt safe knowing that she gave him the strength to conquer his demons and overcome the darkness.

9. You can’t imagine your life without him (or her). This goes back to what I’ve already mentioned about how Stefan and Elena could never completely leave each other’s lives. Even after his death, Elena was finding a way to weave the memory of Stefan into her daily life. Stefan and Elena from the day they met were always going to be in each other’s lives and that is just a fact.

10. You look each other in the eye. Stefan and Elena did this all the time, even after their break-up. Their eye contact, the way in which they looked each other (8x16 is particularly coming to mind here, but also 6x21 and 6x22) was always intense, soft, adoring and easy. You could see the familiarity and comfort that was between them just by seeing the way they looked at each other.

So, by the definitions I’ve found and outlined above, Stefan and Elena seem to be confirmed soul mates.

From a personal perspective, I have never doubted that Stefan and Elena were soul mates. The reason for that is that my perception of soul mates is simply two people that upon meeting form an instant and profound connection and that connection grows and blossoms into a very meaningful relationship that is inexplicable and unbreakable. Whilst the characteristics above do describe soul mates to an extent, for me it really comes down to the fact that Stefan and Elena had such a life-altering impact on each other. They’re two people who brought each other back to life and who quite literally transformed each other’s lives forever. Stefan and Elena’s lives took the paths that they did because they met, because they fell in love, because they knew each other. Even though they broke up Elena reconnected Stefan to his humanity in such a deep way that he was able to continue to grow and move forward with that and loving Elena is an experience that enriched his life and made him happy (even if only for a short amount of time). For Elena the impact was so much bigger because not only did he save her (literally and metaphorically in season 1), but she actually ended up living her entire life through Stefan. She devoted her life to his dream career, chose to live her life a certain way and to be happy in honour of Stefan and what he’d given her. That alone makes me wonder how anyone could say that Stefan and Elena weren’t soul mates, because really, is there anything more profound than that? Another significant reason as to why I perceive Stefan and Elena as being soul mates is because of something which has already been mentioned - their emotional/mental connection. Particularly emotionally, Stefan and Elena had such a instinctual and natural understanding of one another that continued throughout the seasons. As always I feel like the concept of an emotional connection can be very misunderstood by people, so I took the liberty of doing a quick Google search and found a site that I feel explains it very well (x). The first basic definition it gives is:

An Emotional Connection happens when two (or more) people knowingly feel and perceive the same thing at the same time.

I feel like this definition alone really hits the nail on the head and clears up the how/why Stefan and Elena developed such an intense and deep emotional connection. In fact, it also actually explains why/how they connected so quickly, since they were both feeling lost and as Kevin said “dead inside” and they knew they were feeling that way. When Stefan found Elena’s journal, it suggested that she was feeling certain emotions that she couldn’t express in any other way except by writing them (just like Stefan), when they sat in the Grill and Stefan explained that he lived with his uncle, there was an immediate connection on the basis that they’d both lost their parents (obviously the circumstances were completely different, but that’s irrelevant) and particularly at the end in 1x01 when Stefan showed up on Elena’s door with blood shot eyes and they had that conversation where Stefan asks Elena if she’s okay and she says that’s all anyone seems to ask her and he says, do you ever really mean it? That conversation just confirms that emotional connection that was already being built in the earlier scenes by portraying two people that were clearly at a low point in their lives and looking for that emotional connection they found in each other to appease their loneliness and give their life meaning and purpose. The examples that the site gives are also great for going deeper with what it means to have an emotional connection:

Two lovers holding hands while gazing out together at a beautiful sunset - hello, this is already a canon Stelena moment.

A mother and a baby feeling scared together after the baby falls over into a coffee table - comparable to pretty much every scary event Stefan and Elena experienced throughout the season (and let’s face it there were a lot haha) where both of them shared the same fears

A husband and a wife discussing and forming a shared commitment to financial goals - comparable to Stefan and Elena’s shared vision for the future (a human life, children, marriage, careers as doctors etc.)

Two friends laughing together over an old teacher’s funny walk - the entirety of 5x21 comes to mind (they had so much fun and laughed so much together in this episode).

As you can see from these examples and the definition, an emotional connection is really rooted in sharing emotional experiences, negative and positive. Throughout all 6 seasons Stefan and Elena consistently shared similar emotional experiences at the same time (a few of which are outlined above).The next essential part of an emotional connection is empathy:

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.

This is something I feel like Stefan and Elena did brilliantly. For all of their common feelings/thoughts on certain subjects, there were also a multitude of things that made Stefan and Elena different from each other. They went through experiences emotionally that the other hadn’t, yet they always displayed understanding and empathy. When Stefan was struggling with his blood lust towards the end of season 1, Elena was completely supportive and empathetic, despite being human and not being able to necessarily fully understand what Stefan was going through as a vampire and the same happened in season 3 when Stefan had no humanity. Stefan was empathetic towards Elena in season 2 when she was suffering through the pain of being coveted by the most powerful hybrid of all time. There’s the whole line from Stefan in season 4 of, “You’re in hell, which means I’m in hell” line from Stefan which really sums this up (x). Whatever Elena felt, Stefan felt and vice versa. That is a very powerful thing which is reserved only for the deepest of loves and relationships. However, as the article says, empathy is not enough in itself, it needs to be communicated.

Feeling empathy is a necessary ingredient for emotional connection. But it is not, by itself, sufficient; in order for an emotional connection to be created, the empathy needs to be communicated.And that is where validating feelings comes into play.

Again, Stefan and Elena had no problems in this area. There have been endless conversations between Stefan and Elena where they demonstrate understanding and empathy for one another, even if it’s just simply saying, “I know” and hugging each other. Look at what Stefan said to Elena in 2x20, “Hey, it matters. It matters.” A prime example of Stefan validating Elena’s feelings and showing her his empathy towards her. An example of Elena showing this to Stefan would be in 2x05. “Just a few drops every day, right?” Elena is so empathetic towards Stefan’s struggle with blood and his dilemma between not wanting to lose control, but also wanting to be stronger that she changes her perspective to see Stefan’s POV and then willingly agrees to allow him to feed off her. If that is not a clear example of both empathy and validation, I don’t know what is.

The article ends by explaining that the reason why so many people struggle to establish true emotional connections with others is a discomfort at the prospect of being vulnerable, which is essentially a completely natural human fear. Once more, Stefan and Elena demonstrated the extent to which they were able to be vulnerable with each other. An emotional connection cannot exist if the two people involved are unwilling to drop their walls and be completely honest about their feelings. Here are examples where Stefan and Elena did this with each other (these are just off the top of my head, there are probably more):

1x19: Stefan tells Elena the truth about his struggles with blood lust and openly cries and shows his frustration in front of her

1x20: Stefan cries and admits his guilt, pain and turmoil over the terrible things he’s done in his past

2x09: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms and expresses how she blames herself for her friends being hunted by Klaus to break the curse

2x20: Elena opens up to Stefan about not wanting to be a vampire and cries in his arms

3x14: Elena tells Stefan how she’s feeling about the uncertainty of their relationship and encourages him to open up to her in return

3x20: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms and admits she feels she has no one

4x01: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms openly as she suffers through the transition, later on in the episode Elena and Stefan talk about their love for one another, the situation with Elena nearly dying and cry.

4x02: Stefan admits to Elena he feels insecure that she chose to turn to Damon for help instead of him and Elena opens up about the heightened grief she’s experiencing

5x18: The two discuss how they’re feeling about their visions openly and honestly and get very emotional with each other.

6x22: Elena cries as she tells Stefan how she feels about him.

8x16: Both of them openly cry and discuss how they’re feeling about Stefan’s death and hold each other.

There are so many more examples, particularly in the later seasons that I’ve skipped because I’m just too lazy to write them out haha, but the point has been made anyway. Stefan and Elena were able to be very vulnerable with each other and they had complete trust that neither of them would use that vulnerability against the other as a weapon.

Proof of this emotional connection manifests itself in so many ways throughout the series. The fact that Elena was consistently Stefan’s connection to his humanity, that Stefan was the connection to Elena’s (I will not have anyone tell me any differently on this matter, 4x19 and 4x21 just proved this), that even when she was in a dilemma about Damon Elena sought out Stefan for advice/comfort (even after Damon’s death in the beginning of season 6) and that they knew each other better than anyone else. All of these aspects of their relationship stemmed from this emotional connection that was between them.

Although there are many other smaller factors that contribute to it (such as their general compatibility as people, which I’m sure I’ve discussed in another post somewhere), the depth of this emotional connection Stefan and Elena shared combined with the long-lasting impact they had on one another’s lives are really the main reasons I believe Stefan and Elena were soul mates.

[beckydramablog]

made in Dagenham textual analysis Q1-35.

Made in Dagenham textual analysis

1.) which genre does the piece fit in to?

Made in Dagenham is classed as a Musical, this is the definition of a musical “a play or film in which singing and dancing play an essential part. Musicals developed from light opera in the early 20th century.” In made in Dagenham There are 17 main numbers which involve large amounts of singing and some dancing, these help to tell the story. Making it a musical.

2.) Where is the piece set?

The musical is set in the working class area of Dagenham, a suburban area of East London. It Is set at mainly the Ford factory where most of the areas inhabitants work. It also mainly focuses on the womens sewing department of the factory.

3.) What is the significance of the location?

The location is significant to the story as Dagenham is a predominantly working class area, so the women have to work to contribute to their families a well as most of them being full time mothers as well. Showing a working class population of women shows their strength. which is the message of the story.

4.) When is the piece set?

The musical is set in 1968.

5.) Are there any any specific references to the day, seasons or year?

In the song ‘Busy Women’ it doesn’t specify a season, but eddie refers to it being Tuesday but thinks it maybe pancake day, in 1968 pancake fell on the 7th of February, this suggests it may be in early spring as that’s traditionally when pancake day occurs. but the song ‘storm clouds’ at the start of act two its describing the pathetic falicy as the rain allegorically describes the mood of the number. The fact of the rain could suggest ‘April showers’. Although in the song pay day, its saying that the girls have received their pay, but this means that between the song ‘pay day and the scene in which the girls get their strike pay a month must have passed.

Also the fact that Harold wilson is prime minister at the same time Barbra castle was Secretary of State for Education and Employment productivity describes the year to be between 1968-1970. also  Eddie says in scene 6 just after pay day that “Millwall’s last season in Division 3 South, so that’s 1958. I been married about ten years.” Which indicates that the Musical is set 1968.

however i have found contradictory research that in the actually historical records, the trike occurs in June, but the text implies it occurs in late April as that’s when the Eastbourne meeting for the TUC occurred.

6.) How much time passes?

The musical starts on a Tuesday as in ‘Busy women’ Eddie states he day is Tuesday. The ford women walked out on strike on June 7 1968, as the 7th was a Friday, then the previous Tuesday discussed in ‘busy women must be the 4th of June 1968. The strike lasted for three weeks taking the date to june 28th after the TUC conference in Eastborne was held an earned them for an equal pay amendment which was finalised in 1970. So in total the duration of the musical spreads over 24 days.

7.) How is the passage of time represented?

The passage of time is represented in the emphasis of specific days and the emotion of each day, for example, the song ‘pay day’ describes the end of another working month for the factories workers and the relief and element of hope and happiness as they actually get some enjoyment besides work and looking after their families. There is also a scene where the women are given strike pay, this shows that a month has passed within the story, it also shows the ‘change in the time’, from a time f fun and menial purpose, to a time of struggle but also of importance.

8.) How wealthy are the characters?

The characters Lisa , Hopkins, Babara castle, Harold Wilson, the Aids, and tooley are all highly wealthy characters as they all work in politics or are married to politicians.

The factory workers such as Sid, Monty, Bill, Connie, Rita, Clare, Cass, Sandra, Emma, Tracy, Jo, Rachel and Beryl are all lower working class characters, as because they work in a factory their pay grade is b which is classed as un-skilled which means that they are only payed the minimum wage, also the girls only get a fraction of what the men get, so their monthly income is even less.

9.) Is there a hierarchy?

This is a basic diagram I made of what i believe to be the heighrachy in the musical.

I have described the relationship between the characters like this because I feel Tooley is the highest in the hierarchy because he has all the say in who gets to keep their jobs and who gets paid, he creates this control with his violent use of language e.g. ‘mate, ill blow you out of my ass!’. This is an aggressive and intimidating choice of plosive lexis which helps to control his employees by using fear.

I have listed that my character of Clare is lower down in the hierarchy because both beryl Rita and Connie have all told Clare off for something and scolded her in a way that suggests them being of a higher authority. For example Connie dismisses Clare’s offer to assist her to the meeting saying ‘it won’t work’ this is a very authoritive statement, as it’s short and concise and doesn’t ask her opinion, but declares the statement, because she’s got more power over the situation than clare does.

 10.) How does their wealth or lack of it affect their characters?

Wealth and status affects the hardship each character has faced, so the hardships faced by the lower paid and lower classed women factory workers will be hardships such as poverty, poor health and working conditions. So as a result their characters/ personalities have developed to withstand these hardships, e.g. they are more comfortable with the idea of hard labour, working hard and putting u with lower standards of living. The factory wrkers also affects their level of education that they have recieved, for example none of the ladies i the factory went to college because they couln’t afford to as the were expected to get a job and contribute to the household income. this therefor means that their use of language uses only basic vocabulary mixed with idiolects of where they were raised. so for Dagenham raised factory workers, they use phrases such as “’kinell!” to make up for more educated or eloquent phrases. This is shown in the scene between Rita and Mr Buckton, Rita asks ‘Ergo? is that Latin?’. This shows her lack of education and there for, lack of wealth.

The higher classed characters in the story are used to working using their intellect and education rather than with their labour and skill. This means that their characters have adapted to fit their expected role within society. Hardships someone of that class and wealth would be more social or political e.g. Lisa Hopkins is emotionally isolated and ornamented by her husband. Hopkins earns enough money that, it is seen as unnecessary for Lisa to work or raise her own child, so they send their child to boarding school and all Lisa doe is serve Hopkins as a doting wife with nothing more to do other than pick out nice dresses. This adapts her character, as she has become bitter by her situation. Due to her education, intellect and wealth, she puts across her views very eloquently and concisely e.g. ‘I thought Ford was merely in the habit of shooting strikers’ . This explains her complete disdain for the situation herself and society is in, but rather than go on, she intelligently puts it into one sentence. This is largely due to her wealth and education.

11.  What are the social environments of the characters like?

The factory workers social environment is very strongly social, as they all perform manual labour working together in the same space all day, so they all interact with each other and have all developed a strong bond. They all go out to celebrate one another as their relationships are all very informal. This is shown in the song ‘pay day’.

Harold and Barbara’s social environment is the houses of parliament, in which the workers all work in separate offices and get on with their jobs separately, so the environment is much more formal.

12.  Are their differences in the social backgrounds and current environments?

For the factory workers there aren’t any differences as they were all raised in Dagenham and went straight to working in the factory, and so are in pretty much the same environment, apart from Cass, who is used to the poverty and lower classes of Jamaica and so is a lot more serious about working hard and earning her own way of living as she has had to work really hard to be given the job in the first place.

Barbara was raised in Chesterfield, which is a predominantly working class area, so to move to London to become an MP will be a huge change in environments, as London earns a lot more money than working class areas such as chesterfield or Dagenham.

13.  How will this affect how the characters will interact with one another?

This affects how Barbara interacts with the women factory workers, as she came from an area similar to what the girls have come from, so she understands their points of view and what they want out of the strike. So for example, in the scene after ‘Cortina’, Barbara and Rita converse. In this scene Barbara asks ‘would you like a lift? That my Rolls Royce.’ To which Rita replies with ‘no its not, it’s my car, I paid for it with my taxes.’ Barbara is very honest and down to earth due to her upbringing, so as oppose to getting offended she responds with ‘You’re right, it is. Can I have a lift?’. This shows how much she understands how rita and the other ford women think.

14.  Are any of the characters influenced by events/beliefs?

Sandra gets offered a promotion contract with the marketing team for ford to be a model for the launch of the 1500-e Cortina, this event influences her to quit the strike and become a spokes girl. This therefore influences fall out/argument with Rita at the end of the song ‘cortina’.

One of the main influencing events within the musical is the re evaluation of the women’s pay grade, this triggers all of the women to feel betrayed by the men and as a result they want to change their situation.

Lisa Hopkins is influenced by her knowlagde of Fords history, this includes the michignan 1932 strike disaster.

15.  What effect does this have on the way the characters behave?

Sandra changing to promotions work influences the way that the women treat her in the scene where the women have arrived in London. For example she walks in and says ‘am I late?’ to which all the girls in unison reply ‘yes.’ This is very short and sharp as they all feel betrayed by Sandra leaving.

The re-evaluation of the pay grade causes the behaviour of the women to be very volatile and emotional as they feel betrayed and victimised. So they respond with comments that are disrespectful to the male management such as Beryl’s line to Monty ‘you want a paddle mate, I’ll fucking knit you one.’ This shows her complete aggression and disrespect for the character of Monty.

Lisa’s knowledge of the strike shooting of 1932 in Michigan causes her behaviour towards Tooley to be very abrasive and disgusted as she knows he represents Ford America and its history. She shows this in lines such as ‘I thought Ford was in the habit of simply shooting strikers.’ This sarcastic tone shows to Tooley that she dislikes him and what he represents as well as showing her knowledge of the subject, showing she is not to be fooled.

16.  What clues are there to the past lives of the characters?

In the scene in the Bernie Inn, Connie describes her past life, for example, she describes her love life to Rita ‘I was already married to the labour party, and what a lousy husband he turned out to be.’ This describes her long term commitment to the labour party and how she has never received any rewards from her efforts.                                                                                                   

17.  How will their past affect their futures?

Connie was affected by her past, because she was so devoted to the labour party that she never looked after herself, and as a result never took her cancer treatment seriously, so she died and never had a future. This is due to her past being filled with too much hard work trying to make the world a better place and not enough time taking care of herself and her physical health. ‘what is it? A headache?’ ‘yeah’ you lying?’ ‘yeah’, this shows her health deteriorating but her choosing to do nothing about it as she is committed to attending this meeting and presenting her speech in order to get equal pay.

18.  Are there any references to key events prior to the play?

There is a reference to the home game of 1958 in the scene after ‘payday’ Eddie is asked how long he has been married, and he uses this date in history to measure how long himself and Rita have been married.

There is a reference to The Michigan shooting and hunger strike of 1932 made by Lisa Hopkins in ‘Storm clouds’ ‘I thought Ford was in the habit of simply shooting strikers’ ‘michingan 32 is history’.  

19.  Do any of the characters carry scars or memories from past events?

20.  How does this affect them now?

Lisa describes fords history with strikers in storm clouds with president Tooley ‘Michigan ‘32 is history’ in which Lisa replies with ‘five strikers dead and sixty chained to their hospital beds with shotgun wounds’. I made the link that Connie would have been a mature teen when this occurred and so she remembers the Michigan incident of 1932, here is an article I found describing the tragic events http://www.workers.org/2009/us/ford_hunger_march_0402/. As a result, for thirty years she was scared of holding a strike, for fear of what could happen to them. It’s also why she’s so passionate about trying to put across her views and is savvier about understanding her rights. For example, in ‘pay day’ Connie doesn’t join in with the fun because she has to ‘finish this speech’. Also, in the scene in the Bernie inn, she admits to never getting with Monty because she was ‘already married to the labour party, and what a lousy husband he turned out to be’. This describes how mistreated she has been for her beliefs, this affects how she treats Rita, as she is always very serious and tries to inspire Rita ‘nothing changes if it isn’t challenged’ as she is constantly trying to raise the issues and themes of equality but is ignored by the men ‘I was out voted by the men’, and so tries to get Rita to stand with her.

 21.  Are there conflicts of tension between what the characters want?

Yes, at the start of the show, Rita goes to the TUC meeting to get C grade back, but Connie wants equal pay ‘this don’t just have to be about C grade’ ‘I only came to get C grade back’. This shows the conflicting interests.

Sandra wants a career in modelling, no matter whether the pay is equal pay or not, where as Rita wants to stay in her job but with equal pay. These conflicts are shown in the scene after ‘Cortina’ where Rita says ‘it’s about equal pay’ after which Sandra replies with ‘even if we get equal pay, it’ll still be a shit job, only a shit job with equal pay’.

22.  Do the main characters want to change their situations?

Clare wants to change her situation, by working overtime enough so that she can save enough money by for a flat and a wedding for her and ken, so she can live with the man she loves despite her low income ‘yeah I got two hours of – overtime – tonight’ ‘what you saving up for?’ ‘ a – deposit, on a – flat’.

Other main characters such as Rita, Connie, Barbara, Harold, Beryl, Sandra and Lisa all want to change their situations at the start of the musical.

23.  Is there a difference in what the characters say they will do and actually do?

Clare says she is going to tell the manegment what she thinks, this is shown in the number ‘wossaname’. However, she meets Barbara Castle in the scene leading up to the number ‘ideal world’, but spends a lot of the time silent, other than a few remarks which imply that she doesn’t understand the conversation ‘what was all that about eating elephants’.

President Tooley says he will ‘move to Belgium’ if the strike isn’t broken, however the women achieve equal pay and yet there is no evidence of him or ford transferring to Belgium.

24.  How does morality or upbringings affect the characters actions?

The upbringing of the characters affects mainly their re-actions, for example clare hears Barbara say ‘mastication’ and giggles with a smutty undertone, indicating her level of education due to a lower class upbringing. This therefor affects her reactions to the world around her.

Barbara was raised In a lower class compared to most politicians at the time, and as a result still maintained her down to earth, left wing morals, these affect her actions, for example she invites Rita and some of the working class strikers to sit in her office and talk about the situation. Other higher class politicians might not have wanted to talk to working lower class women. Barbara’s morality also shows in the way she treats Rita and the other strikers, ‘I’m gonna do something unheard of for a politician, I’m not going to lie to you’. This shows her understanding of what the lower classes think of politicians, the source of which comes from her upbringing.

25.  Are there direct references to the characters appearances?

There are a few references to the colour of Barbara castle’s hair within the comical line ‘fiery, like her hair’, this describes her red hair to be the colour of fire as well as adding comedy to her character.

Another link I have made through studying the text is that in a scene within the number ‘storm clouds’, Hopkins makes the comment ‘it’s a swiss dish, like lisa.’. Even though Lisa denies this fact, the reference could have been made as a result of her appearance i.e. she appears of swiss origin. When I looked up a swiss appearance, it came up with pale skin, blue eyes and fair hair. This gives an indication to Lisa’s appearance.

26.  Are there any connections between how a character looks and behaves?

The previous reference to barbara’s appearance ‘fiery, like her hair.’ Is also a description of Barbara’s personality, in that it is ‘fiery’ i.e short tempered and brave and at times rash. This is also a common stereotype that people with red or ginger hair are more likely to have short tempers and stronger emotions.

27.  What is the significance of the title? (Metaphoric or literal)

‘made in dagenham’ could be a reference to the trade of the workers who live in Dagenham as they ‘make’ cars for a living. It could also mean that a significant moment in history was ‘made in dagenham’.

In a more literal sense, it could refer to the majority of main characters within the musical were created ‘in dagenham.’

28.  Are there any key lines or speeches that summarise or capture the mood of the play?

At the end of the song ‘stand up’ Barbara Castle gives a speech

This summarises the amazing progress that the characters have made to change history, this creates an atmosphere which is inspirational and full of pride.

Throughout the musical there a few key lines within the larger musical numbers which encapsulate what the characters are thinking and feeling. For example, ‘stand up’ is the main line within the number of the same name. By repeating the same line, it allows for interpretation, so although the literal meaning of the line is asking the men to stand up to vote for the equal pay amendment, the metaphorical meaning could be to stand up for yourself. This repetition is effective as it creates an atmosphere of pride and inspiration.

29.  What is the main plot and how does it develop?

The women Ford factory workers get re graded to an unskilled grade which pays a lot less, as a result they register a formal grievance, and Rita and Connie attend a meeting with the TUC in which it becomes apparent that it’s about getting equal pay. After coming out of the meeting Rita decides that they need to hold a strike in order to achieve equal pay. They strike for three weeks in which they are made poor by strike pay, the Ford factory is closed down which means 3,000 of the men get fired. The women strikers meet with Barbara castle who offers them 92% percent of the mens pay, but Rita turns it down. The ford Dagenham work force then attends a TUC conference in Eastborne, In which Rita gives a speech which convinces the men to agree to the equal pay amendment. This then develops to the women workers of Ford Dagenham getting equal pay.

 30.  Is there a sub plot?

There are a few sub plots within the musical:

Barbara and harolds – PM Harold Wilson has gotten britain into severe debt after owing large amounts of money from the second world war, also the musical is set at a period of severe industrial unrest, in which masses of strikes are causing the trade figures to suffer. In order to find a solution to the situation, he hires Barbara Castle (who at the time is head secretary for transport) to be the secretary for unemployment. Barbara then seeks to ban the strikes, but is denied the order by Harold. Barbara then meets Rita by accident and arranges a meeting with the other girls from the factory in which she offers a deal of 92% men’s pay in exchange for their return to work. Rita also denies this request, Barbara admires this and sends her best wishes to the women with hopes for their success.

Rita and Eddie – husband and wife, their storyline is based on how the marriage copes with rita being on strike. Eddie leaves rita half way through act 2 and takes the kids because he feels so neglected by his wife, he then makes it up to her when he comes to see her perform her speech to a large TUC audience.

Lisa, rita and mr Buckton – Rita and lisa’s sons are both getting caned at school by the latin teacher mr buckton, so Lisa influences rita to sign a petition to fire mr buckton for abuse to students. This is successful and mr buckton is forced to resign. This event happens at a time in the musical that it shows rita what a difference she can make if she stands up for what she believes in. making it a key subplot in the character development of Rita.

Hopkins and tooley - Throughout the musical Hopkins and tooley plan to try and bust this strike by using unethical tactics which will break the womens solidarity, so they originally they offer sandra promotions work, which she accepts. But after she walks off on the job due to persuasion by her colleagues, they shut down the assembly line and fire 3,000 of the men, as they know that these are the husbands of the women strikers and this will divide the working class solidarity that is keeping the strike going. But Rita takes the strike to the TUC conference in Eastborne, this means that Equal pay is given to women working at Ford UK. 

 31.  How can the shape of the play be best described – a story? Episodes? A journey? As a diagram or map?

See appendix one.  

32.   Which scenes are the most important? Why?

In my opinion the three most important scenes are:

The scene before ‘age old story’ in the Burnie Inn – This is a crucial scene because this is where Connie makes Rita realise what the meeting is really about, Connie also makes Rita realise why it is important for women to have equal pay, that it isn’t just her pay, but Sharon’s pay and her future. I feel this is a crucial scene as this is when Rita is inspired to change her situation.

Stand up speech – This falls at the end of the musical, when Rita is so utterly desperate for this whole situation to be resolved, she has lost her husband her kids, her job and Connie has passed away before seeing her dream through of presenting the speech at the TUC conference. So her speech in this is very heartfelt and desperate, this has a huge impact on the story as it makes the men vote for the equal pay amendment. This speech resolves most of the issues throughout the musical.

The meeting in front of the TUC management in the Burnie Inn – This is the scene in which a lot of Rita’s character development happens, as we see her go from being silent when asked as a submissive subdominant female, to standing up for herself, speaking her point across eloquently and effectively to the managers of the TUC. This is a very important scene as for the first time Rita finds her voice and gains a little bit of confidence in what she believes is right.

33.   Which scene is the least important? Why?

The least important scene in my opinion is the first scene between Lisa and Thomas Hopkins, they are sat in their kitchen discussing the food they are eating and their relationship. So although this scene gives a background to the two characters involved, it is the least important as none of the actions performed influence the rest of the plot.

 34.   How important to the piece is the set/lighting/costume/props/sound?

The set is really important as there are a very large amount of different settings in which the scenes and songs are held, so in order to show the separate locations described, a detailed yet effective set is needed to fully describe the transitions in location. For example, the trainsition between pay day and I’m sorry I love you is very fast and the location changes from being inside a pub to on a park bench, the only way to effectively show this to the audience is by having an effeicient set that could smoothly transition between one setting to another.

The sound is crucial for a smooth production of this as it is a musical, so a lot of the storyline is told through singing to backing music, this music helps the performer to keep the vocals on the correct melody and key, the backing sound also helps the performers on stage to pitch the correct harmony lines in order to create a more accurate and in depth vocal sound.

Props is important in numbers such as busy women, as not having a hair brush to brush Sharon’s hair within the number would look like mime and would look highly staged and take away the illusion of reality.

35.   What is the climax of the play? Are issues resolved at the end? How much direction is given by the playwright in terms of stage directions?

The physical climax of the musical is in the lines just before’ Everyone out, as this is when Rita makes the executive decision to strike for equal pay. ‘right, we’re having a vote’ ‘what are we voting for?’ ‘A strike’. This is the physical climax of the musical because although the emotional journey of the characters has not yet peaked, the physical journey has.

The emotional climax of the musical occurs within the end of storm clouds, when Connie is rushed into hospital, and the lines that follow. I believe the climax to be within the pause within the last chorus of storm clouds, as this is when all characters have taken a second to breath and to take in the emotions.

In the story, the issues of equal pay are resolved, as the men vote for the Equal pay amendment, however according to my research, the Equal pay act wasn’t signed until 1970, two years after the TUC conference. However, I do feel that the way ‘stand up’ is portrayed to the audience shows that the issues are resolved at the TUC conference in Eastbourne.

36.   Which character is the antagonist? (Opposes the main action)

President Tooley would be classed as the main antagonist, as he foremost opposes Rita and Connie’s action to get equal pay for women. This is shown in moments such as ripping up Connie’s speech before Rita publicly speaks in ‘stand up’ at the TUC conference in Eastbourne. He shows this also throughout the piece especially in the sexist ways he talks to Rita ‘don’t forget you’re just a little girl’. This shows him belittling and trying to have authority over rita as he opposes the main movement of womens rights and sexual equality. By referring to her a s a little girl, he is saying that she is less than he is.

Another antagonist is Stan, Eddie O’Grady’s friend at work. He constantly demotes the women’s main action for equality this is shown in payday when he says ‘you can’t have 3,000 hairy arsed blokes earning less than a woman.’ This statement is very assured as he says ‘you can’t’ this shows that the statement isn’t open for discussion, it also shows the general opinion of working class men, as he includes everyone in the statement ‘3,000 hairy arsed blokes.’

37.   Are their other protagonists or antagonists?

There are more than one protagonist in made in Dagenham as there are many strongly shown characters who support the main action, the main two I would say are Connie and Rita as they are the driving force behind the women’s equal pay movement. However, all of the main factory women e.g. Clare, beryl, Cass and Sandra are protagonist as they support the cause and join the strike in an act of solidarity, this is shown in the first four bars of music within ‘everybody out’ when all the girls vote for a strike, this shows each women empowering herself with the right to vote and the right to strike. I feel that Barbara castle and Barbara Castle are also protagonist character, as she wants what’s right for women and understand what political games are needed to be played in order to achieve women getting equal pay, this is shown in their individual actions towards Rita and the Girls which guides them on their journey to getting equal rights for women.

 38.   Do any of the characters change from one to the other?

The character of Eddie starts very neutral and mildly supportive like the rest of the male factory workers, but as Rita’s strike pay and his own unemployment puts a strain on family life Eddie becomes an antagonist, but opposing Rita’s choice to strike and Leaving with the kids, this action opposes the main action as it prevents Rita from believing in her own abilities and that her actions are right, which almost stops the strike all together. However, at the end of ‘stand up’ Eddie apologises to Rita and they make up as he is positively supporting her actions and is regretful of his prior actions making him a protagonist.

39.   How formal is the language used by the characters?

Lisa Hopkins uses quite formal language as it is very concise and uses more educated vocabulary e.g. ‘they are trying to break your solidarity.’ The word solidarity is a word that would only be known through education, this shows her class and wealth.

Beryl has very informal language as she fills in more intelligent words with abbreviations and swear words e.g. “‘kinell” this is an abbreviation for fucking hell, which is an expletive that indicates her short temper and lower class. She is even too informal in her use of language to say a full swear word, instead she is lazy with her speech and abbreviates it.

40.   What is the level of education of the characters?

As mentioned before, Lisa is over a higher class than beryl, which is shown by the use of their language.

Lisa has a first class honours degree in modern history as she shows with comments such as ‘did you know women in America have had equal pay since 1963?’. This shows advanced knowledge of modern history. This is due to her higher level of education.

The education of most of the factory girls is very minimal, as most of them left school at fourteen to work in the factory and support their families. This meant that they didn’t finish their education, or get any significant qualifications. However, they had to take three tests in order to be allowed to work at Ford; therefore all of them must have a basic level of intelligence in order to pass the tests. This is evidence in quotes such as ‘I been at this game, since I was 14’ and ‘yeah we had to take 3 tests to get in here!’

40.   Do the characters use certain phrases or words or ways of speaking?

Barbara – chesterfield/ northern accent + Harold Huddersfield

Musical phrases i.e. motifs

Beryl has a very distinctive way of speaking, as she uses a lot of expletives and Slang e.g. ‘kinell!’ this is due to her lower working class, this also adds to her character, as by understanding her language is so blunt we understand that her personality is also very rough and blunt, but also she is very vulgar so her using explete terms such as ‘you couldn’t find your arse with both hands.’ This is comical as well as effective at describing Beryl’s character to the audience.

41. How are the songs structured? (Monologue, dialogue, duologue, triologue, short sentences

etc)

 My character, Clare has a solo song which is called wossaname, this is structured as a monologue, as she is the only person speaking and she is describing her own thoughts and feelings. Throughout this song, Clare only speaks in short sentances, I believe this is due to her lower intelligence, as this means she struggle to form and eloquent or structured sentence. The song has two very repetitive verses, which is followed by a middle 8 starting from ‘life aint fair’ and then leads in to the schorus on ‘ooja ooja!’. The end of the song has the same rhythm and melody as the first to verses but is slightly slower as well as being the outro. The song ends with Clare saying ‘do I make myself clear?’ and her sitting proudly back down on her seat.

 everbody out – scenes and chorus

42.   What kind of imagery is used?

In the song the storm clouds, the line ‘storm clouds on the horizon’ describe the appearance of the sky being dark and cloudy, not only is this pathetic fallacy (describing the mood with the weather), but it also creates imagery of there being dark clouds in the sky, also the repeating pedal note that is at the front of the music in the first eight bars gives the feeling of the sound of raindrops, further adding to the illusion of a stormy day.

 43.   What is the objective of each scene/unit? What is the super objective of the play?

The super objective of the musical is to tell the historical true story of the women who striked for equal pay and giving them the recognition that history denied them.

In my opinion there are three possible objectives for the scenes:

Scenes that describe a sub plot – these are scenes that only mildly affect the main plot as they are following the journey of certain characters in their own subplot e.g. scene 8, the school. This scene doesn’t affect what is going on in the story for equal pay, but its objective is to describe a separate story/sub plot to the audience.

Scenes that describe the main plot – just like there are scenes which purport to tell the sub plots, the a re likewise scenes whose objective is to describe the story and journey of the main plot. E.g. Scene 11, this scene describes the conflicting views between the men and women as to whether equal pay should be given to the women factory workers. This dispute and the content of this scene influences the main action and so there for is a scene that Is crucial to telling the story, such is its objective.

Scenes that describe and give background to the characters – Some of the scenes don’t have much effect on any story line, but their main objective is to show depth of the characters to the audience. For example scene 2 shows the character and background of each person as they enter the stage before the main story begins, this is crucial in getting the audience to connect with the characters created.

44.   What are the characters motivations and do they change in each scene?

45.   Does the play relate to any previous theatrical or written work?

46.   If so what are the links between them?