#and especially the council who were supposed to be these wise masters

[imogenkol]

In the year of our lord, 2024, some of the fandom is still approaching the Jedi Order with zero nuance

[gremlinvanfleet]

𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖐𝖙𝖔𝖇𝖊𝖗 𝖉𝖆𝖞 𝖔𝖓𝖊 - 𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖙𝖔 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘 

anakin skywalker, circa. the clone wars

kinktober 2023

masterlist

who else is better than hayden christensen to kick off the month? we also have the same name and that's so wicked.

summary: you and anakin have been fighting in the deadly war for far too long, and you finally begin to turn to each other for comfort in the trying times after so much loss.

warnings: smut, swearing

word count: 1,884 (i'm so sorry)

The war had been taking its toll on everyone. Yourself included in that list of people as Obi-Wan’s new Padawan. You hadn’t noticed it about Anakin however. He commanded your fleet and you trusted him with every fibre of your being. He was strong, wise and had animal like instincts. A true leader. He never ever wavered and that’s why there was so much confidence in him, even if he defied orders, he always did it with the best interest of the people.

“Y/L/N! I need you here. Focus please.” He touched your shoulder. You didn’t even noticed you zoned out. 

“Sorry, General.” He nodded. He continued with his attack plan. It was simple but unbelievably effective. He didn’t believe in making things unnecessarily complex, especially when it could put his men at risk. 

“General Skywalker, how are we supposed to sneak in when they have droids outside the whole ship?” A clone asked. 

“That’s were Y/N comes in.” He gestured towards you. You felt your face heat up. You thought you were just going to be piloting with Anakin, not heading the mission. “She will fly around the perimeter and act as a distraction while we strike underneath.” 

“You have faith in her flying? She’s just a kid.” Another one chimed in. He shook his head. 

“Myself and General Kenobi have yet to see a reason to not. She’s reliable and smart. Don’t second guess me again.” He glared. Him defending you made you have a funny feeling in your stomach. 

You took a moment to admire him in this state that came so naturally to him. His hair had been a bit more tousled than usual, and his uniform was more wrinkled than you remember it. You saw him run his hands through it before he came into the command centre. Stress. The lightsaber attached to his waist shined under the light of the hologram above him. His blue eyes were as fiery as usual and the intensity behind his voice made you think he received intel that he didn’t find favourable. You felt for your friend and mentor in the moment. Obi-Wan may be your master but Anakin was a true friend. He’d been through everything you had already. He understands you. 

“Okay. I think that’s everything. Let’s go men. We have a hard battle ahead. Fight hard and with valiance and I’ll be endlessly proud.” He smiled but his eyes looked sad. He knows not everyone in this room will be coming back. 

The clones left the room but Anakin grabbed your wrist, prompting you to stay behind. 

“What is it, General?” You thought he had something important to say but instead you were met with his sad blues looking into yours. 

“I just feel like something bad is going to happen with this mission. I just don’t want it happening to you. Please promise me you’ll be careful.” 

“Anakin, you’re the one who taught me how to fly, remember? I believe you called yourself the best pilot in the galaxy. If you can’t have faith in me, have it in yourself.” You smiled at him. He chuckled. 

“Point taken. I do have faith in you though, Y/N. So does Obi-Wan. We are both so incredibly proud of you. You’ve served the council well and I’m certain you’ll continue to do so.” 

“Then why are you so worried? I’ll be just fine.” You tried to reassure him, even though you didn’t fully believe yourself. It’s scary when he gets a feeling like that. He’s always been able to see ahead. 

“Okay, okay. Let’s go then.” He walked beside you and nudged your shoulder. You laughed and walked with him to the hangar. 

The mission was gruelling but a success. Anakin had lost many of his men this time around but you made it out okay. In fact, you pulled it off perfectly. You had taken down one of General Grievous’ droid ships. Only a grain of sand in the scheme of things however. After the mission, Anakin came out of it with a heavy heart. He thought no one was looking but you saw him ignite his saber and use it in a supply room. Items clattered everywhere while he took out his rage. What was he mad at? It could be anything. The loss of his men. The knowledge that there is still so much work that needs to be done and that means losing even more men. It hurt you to see him in so much pain like this. You couldn’t just leave him like that. 

“Hey…” You stood in the doorway. He looked at you, nostrils flared, eyes in a frenzy. 

“What are you doing here? Go get some rest.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again.  “I won’t be resting until you do, General.” You knew he hated when you called him that, but you took the risk of poking a little fun at him. God knows you both need the pick me up. “You know I don’t like that.” He had a small smile on his face. You stepped closer to him. 

“Yeah, but it’s good fun.” You smiled. He chuckled. 

“Come on, lets try to get some sleep at least.” 

You followed him up to the sleep chambers. He got in his bed and you got into yours. The sleep came on quickly but just before you drifted off, you heard a shout from the room next to yours. Anakin. You ran into his room and found him sitting up, bare chested and breathing heavily. 

“What’s wrong?!” You searched his distressed face for an answer. He blinked at you. 

“Nothing, nothing. Go back to sleep Y/N.” He sounded defeated. Not something you’d expect from the strong man across from you. 

“Come on. I’m not that naive. You can talk to me.” You sat on the edge of his bed. He tipped his head back and sighed. Something was definitely weighing on him. 

“I just can’t get their faces out of my head…” He said dejectedly.  

“Who are you talking about?”

“The clones. We lost so many. I know its the fortune of war but I still can’t help but feel responsible.” He rubbed his forehead. 

“Anakin, listen to me. None of this is your fault. In fact, you’re the only person I know fighting in this war that cares so much about his men. I admire you so much for that.” You put your hand on his. He sighed and closed his troubled eyes. 

“We all care, Y/N. Some of us are just more radical than others.” 

“You’d be the most radical I think.” You joked. He cracked a small smile. 

“I think you’re the only one keeping me sane here…” He whispered. 

“Lucky for you, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” He searched his eyes. 

“I promise.” You squeezed his hand. 

“Can you stay here with me? Just for tonight so I can sleep?” His eyes looked sad. Your face heated up. You had wished for this to happen. You’d never admit it but deep down you’ve always hoped something more would happen between the two of you. 

“Yeah. I can stay.” You smiled and he returned it. 

He laid back down and you did the same beside him. He sighed a few times and turned over too. You gently put your hand on his arm and started drawing circles. He hummed and turned on his side to face you. 

“That feels nice.” He murmured. He kept his eyes on yours as you continued. He leaned in a bit closer. You felt your heart beating faster in your chest. Is it finally happening? He gently placed his soft lips onto yours. 

You quickly returned the kiss and slid closer to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest while never detaching from your lips. You whimpered into his mouth as he pushed his tongue in. You felt his mouth turn into a smirk after hearing it. He flipped himself over so he was between your legs. He pushed himself against you and started kissing down your neck.

“Is this okay?” His eyes were filled with concern. 

“Yes. Please keep going.” You pleaded. 

“As you wish.” He smiled and continued down your neck. He pulled your housecoat off revealing only underwear underneath. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to see you like this. I’ve thought about it all the time.” He admitted.  

“Me too.” You managed out between pants.

He quickly but carefully took off your underwear, revealing you completely to him. He stared for so long that you started to feel self conscious. You began to cover yourself again. 

“No no. Don’t do that. You just look so pretty, I can’t help myself.” He caressed your side, giving you goosebumps. 

“It’s your turn now, General.” His words gave you confidence. He shook his head and began taking off his clothes. His skin was such a beautiful colour and his battle scars just added to it even more. His metal arm glistened in the moonlight. You stared at his toned abdomen while you both took each other in. 

“Ready?” He was hard and not trying to hide it. His size was intimidating but definitely enticing at the same time. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” 

He slowly circled your clit with his hand while he pushed himself into you. You felt so full even after only half of him was inside. He groaned when he bottomed out and you clenched around him. 

“Fuck… So tight…” He hovered over you and rested his forehead against yours. The heat radiated against your skin so pleasantly as he pulled himself out and then back in again. The pleasure was unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. His pace was too slow for your liking however. 

“Anakin, please… Faster.” You whined. He chuckled and began to move his hips faster. His skin smacked against yours and he spent time rubbing your clit to get you there. 

“Fuck, Y/N.” He panted. His fingers moved faster against you and your legs began to shake. “You gonna cum for me?” 

“Y-yes. Please don’t stop…” He smiled down at you and kept the pace of both his fingers and his hips. He drew you closer and closer to the edge with every movement. The coil in your stomach was ready to snap at any moment. 

“Come on, sweetheart. Cum for me.” His words were enough to bring you over and you shook and clenched all around him. “That’s it, pretty girl.” He wasn’t done though. 

He pounded you even faster as he chased his own high. He pushed deep inside you one final time with a loud groan. He pulled out and his seed spilled out of your swollen hole. He collapsed beside you and pulled you into his arms. 

“That was-“

“Unreal.” You finished. 

“Yeah. I can’t believe it took us this long.” He laughed 

“Me neither. Kinda kicking myself for it.” 

“Just don’t tell Obi-Wan. He’ll kill me.” You laughed at the fact that he was still scared of Obi-Wan after all this time. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” You kissed his cheek and snuggled into his chest. 

A good sleep was on its way. 

© gremlinvanfleet 2023 <3

[just-dreaming-marvel]

The Bond Between Us ~ 13

THE BOND BETWEEN US MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 4,550ish

Summary: Believing that Anakin has been captured by Count Dooku, you rush to help Obi-Wan rescue him.

Notes: it’s amazing how I couldn’t even squeeze a 30-minute episode into this chapter, only part of it… please let me know your thoughts via asks, reblogs, and comments! (Honestly, likes are lame, and don’t tell me anything…)

“Where are you off to?” Anakin asked as you headed down the hallway to the hanger.

“Back to my ship,” you answered. “The Council has given me another assignment. I need to prep my battalion.”

“And you were just going to leave without saying goodbye?”

“Anakin,” you sighed. “We already push the boundaries of attachment enough.”

“I don’t care.” Anakin quickly got in front of you, stopping you in your path. His arms were folded over his chest as looked down at you. “I want to try and get our relationship back to the way it was.”

“That’s not really realistic during a war, Ani.”

“Fine, if you’re not going to say goodbye to me, you should at least say goodbye to Obi-Wan.”

“What? Why?”

“He’s been concerned about you lately. He always asks the Council what your assignment is and if you need help. It’s… strange and unlike him.”

“Ani, I am pretty positive that he does the same with you. He feels responsible for both of us, especially now that I am a part of your lives again.”

“I suppose you could be right…”

You placed a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should listen to Obi-Wan more, he believes I’m wise.” You laughed as you slipped past him. “I promise not to be a stranger, Ani.”

“May the Force be with you, Y/N.”

You turned around, walking backward. “May the Force be with you.”

Turning back around, you headed into the hanger. As you walked over to your starfighter, you noticed that Obi-Wan had his back facing you. He was looking at your ship, his hand combing through his beard. Peering into his signature, you could feel his thoughts racing. You didn’t dare breach his trust though by looking into his signature further. Taking a deep breath, you continued forward.

“Master Kenobi,” you greeted.

Obi-Wan sighed as he shook his head. “Not with the formalities again,” he said. He turned to face you. “I thought that we were passed that.”

“Sometimes.”

Obi-Wan chuckled. “I heard the Council has given you a new assignment.”

“They have,” you nodded. “I’m needed on my ship as soon as possible.”

“Thank you for coming to our aide.”

“Anytime, Obi-Wan.” You walked passed him and climbed into your starfighter. Once sitting you looked down at Obi-Wan, who was watching you carefully. “I’ll see you around, General.”

“See you around, little star.”

Obi-Wan watched as you flew out of the hanger. He sighed, already missing you but he was thankful that you hadn’t immediately blocked him from your signature yet. He was going to relish in your signature as long as you would let him.

~~~

It was almost two weeks later when you were informed that, while attempting to capture Count Dooku, Anakin had gone missing. You immediately turned your star cruiser around and headed to where Obi-Wan’s was. You flew your starfighter and landed on Obi-Wan’s star cruiser. You ran straight from the hanger to the control room.

“I’m here!” You shouted, running in. Obi-Wan turned from where he was standing in front of the large window. “Has anyone heard from Anakin?”

“Unfortunately, we still haven’t been able to contact him,” Obi-Wan responded. “This ship is heading to his last known location, a Separatist frigate in the Outer Rim.”

“I’m coming with.”

“You need to stay with your troops and be the plan B.”

“I am not fighting with you on this, Obi-Wan. I will come with you. My battalion can do whatever yours was doing before this happened while we go after them.”

Obi-Wan sighed, he knew that there was no way to convince you to stay out of this. To stay safe. “Fine. Contact your commander and tell them to stay put unless they hear otherwise from you.”

“Yes, Master.”

~~~

Obi-Wan’s plan entailed getting into space suits and flying to the Separatist ship that way. It was too risky flying a ship close to the Separatists. 

“We will fly out to the ship and enter through one of the airlocks,” Obi-Wan explained as the two of you pulled on the spacesuits. 

“Yes,” you replied.

“From there we’ll need to be—“

“Obi-Wan, I was there in the briefing. I know the plan.”

“I’m just making sure.” 

You didn’t reply to the comment, continuing to pull on your suit. Obi-Wan could feel your fears seeping out into your bond.

“Be mindful of your fears, little star,” he gently warned.

“Sorry,” you mumbled.

Obi-Wan stepped closer and placed a hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him, worry swimming in your eyes. “We will find Anakin.”

“I know that he’s okay right now, I would have felt otherwise. I just hate this… I feel as if I’m a weak Jedi by being so worried about this.”

“You are not a weak Jedi, by any means, little star. What you are showing is compassion.”

“What I am showing is attachment, Obi. Don’t try to be nice about it, especially since you’re on the Council. You should be warning me about where attachments lead.”

“This attachment is different, Y/N. You and Anakin are twins who joined the Order late. You had an attachment going into this. And if I can be honest with you, I believed that even the separation of you two wouldn’t rid you of your attachment. Yes, we must be careful with attachments. But, you and Anakin, it’s different.”

For some reason, Obi-Wan’s ‘we must be careful with attachments’, sent a pang through your chest. All you could do was nod in response and look down. Obi-Wan’s brows furrowed as he felt your shields slowly come up.

“Have I said something to upset you?” Obi-Wan asked.

“No,” you responded, not really knowing yourself if it was a lie or not. “I’m just preparing myself for if we run into Count Dooku.”

“Yes, of course.” Obi-Wan wanted to believe you but felt like there was something else behind it. He scanned your suit, wanting to make sure that you’d be safe. He noticed that it wasn’t zipped up in the back yet. “May I?” 

You nodded. You turned around, giving Obi-Wan access to your back. Upon his fingers brushing against you, you inhaled sharply. You closed your eyes as he pulled up the zipper and ensured it would stay at the top. You hated how much you enjoyed his touch. Obi-Wan was having a similar experience, taking his time pulling up the zipper just to be able to be this close to you for longer. Once he had you zipped up and secured, he bent down and grabbed the jet pack. He helped your arms through the straps and secured the jet pack onto you. Then he reached back down and picked up the glass, bowl helmet.

“Here,” he muttered, carefully putting the helmet over your head.

“Thank you,” you said softly after the helmet was in place.

Obi-Wan made sure the helmet was on tightly before finishing getting himself ready. The two of you jumped out into space together, Obi-Wan leading the way to the Separatist ship. You both stripped yourselves of the space suit before sneaking around the ship to the prison hall. Obi-Wan headed for the first door.

“He’s not in there,” you stated.

Obi-Wan ignored you and opened the door. Two Weequay were sitting down playing cards.

“Don’t bother to get up. You’re not the prisoner we’re looking for,” Obi-Wan said as the Weequay’s began to stand up. He quickly shut the door.

“I told you,” you said. 

“Well then, my dear, why don’t you tell me where he is then?”

You tried to not be completely thrown off guard at the simple term of endearment that seemed to easily roll off of his tongue. Unable to fully think, you nodded and led the way down the hall. You reached a door and opened it. You swore that you could feel Anakin in the room, but no one was in there. Obi-Wan and yourself carefully walked in. Sensing something behind you, you and Obi-Wan ignited your sabers as you spun around. Anakin, having just jumped from where he was on the ceiling.

“Oh, it’s you two,” Anakin said.

“This is how you thank us for rescuing you,” Obi-Wan said, “pounce on us from the ceiling?” You two placed your lightsabers back on your hips.

“Kind of difficult without a…” Obi-Wan offered Anakin his own lightsaber, “lightsaber.” Anakin quickly took it. “Thanks.”

“I’m glad to see you in one piece, Ani,” you told him, ignoring the fact that Obi-Wan had Anakin’s lightsaber.

“I’m glad to see you too, sis.”

“Did you manage to locate Dooku before landing in jail?” Obi-Wan wondered. The three of you started out of the room.

“Well, I know he’s on board. Might have been able to do something about it if I’d had my weapon.”

“It was important for you to arrive without it so your capture would be convincing.”

“Wait… what?” You questioned, stopping the group in the hall. “This was all a setup? Why wasn’t I aware of any of this?”

“You didn’t tell her?” Anakin asked Obi-Wan.

“We couldn’t risk it,” Obi-Wan responded. “It made the capture more believable, just in case there’s a spy who knows the truth about the two of you.”

You shook your head. “I don’t believe this,” you grumbled. “Let’s hurry and get this over with so that I can get back to my battalion.” You pushed passed them.

“Y/N.” You ignored Obi-Wan’s call, causing him to sigh. They started down the hall again.

“You know, they would have been convinced without her getting involved,” Anakin said. “And how come I’m the one getting caught all the time? It doesn’t look good.”

“When you’re a Jedi Master, you can make the plan.”

“That’s just it. How can I become a Jedi Master if I’m always getting caught?”

“At least you're a master, at getting caught.”

“Very funny.”

Obi-Wan quickened his pace to catch up with you. “Little star…”

“We should really focus on the mission, Master Kenobi,” you told him. “I sense Dooku through these doors.”

You, Anakin, and Obi-Wan walked through the doorway to find Count Dooku. He was sitting on a pedestal, mediating. 

“Surprise, surprise,” Anakin commented. The three of you ignited your lightsabers.

“if it isn’t Count Dooku,” Obi-Wan stated.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi,” Dooku said, eyes closed. “I thought I sensed an unpleasant disturbance in the Force. I see you and the Council’s Padawan have freed young Skywalker. Where might he be if you weren’t always around to rescue him?”

The ship shook as Obi-Wan's star cruiser began firing on the Separatist ship.

“Sir!” A battle droid called. “There’s a Jedi cruiser attacking.”

“Your ship is surrounded, Count,” Anakin said. “Republic troops are boarding as we speak.”

Dooku finally opened his eyes. “Jedi fools,” he commented. The floor beneath him gave way and he slid down a hidden tunnel.

“I should have seen that coming,” Obi-Wan said. Anakin ran up to the tunnel. “What are you doing?”

“Following him,” Anakin replied.

“Not that way. We need to cut him off.”

“You cut him off.” Anakin jumped into the tunnel. “I’ll follow him and meet you at the hanger!”

“Why do I even try? Come on, Y/N.”

Staying silent, you followed Obi-Wan as he ran out of the room. When you arrived at the hanger, Dooku’s ship was taking off. Seeing a ship available in the hanger, the two of you ran toward it and took out the battle droids with your sabers. Obi-Wan quickly got in one of the pilot seats and started the ship.

“Just hover above the ground for a moment,” you instructed. “Anakin’s almost here.”

Within a few seconds, Anakin had jumped onto the ship’s ramp. He entered the cockpit and took a seat next to Obi-Wan.

“I thought you were following Dooku,” Obi-Wan said.

“I was,” Anakin replied. “I followed him here.” He began piloting the ship. “Hang on.” You stood back between their two chairs, holding onto the backs of them.

Obi-Wan held up his wrist to speak into his comlink. “Ahsoka, Dooku managed to escape,” he informed her. “We’re in pursuit, but we could use reinforcements. Follow us in what ships you can round up.”

“We’ll get there as soon as we can,” she replied.

Obi-Wan focused on firing at Dooku’s ships and the ones around him for protection. With a lucky shot, Obi-Wan hit Dooku’s ship.

“That was easy,” Anakin commented.

“Lucky for you, I’m an excellent shot,” Obi-Wan replied.

“Well, now those fighters are attacking,” you said.

“I’m on it.”

“Uh, he’s getting too close,” Anakin fretted.

The wing of the ship you were in was hit, causing a small explosion. You were tossed to the side of the cockpit, sliding down the wall to the ground.

“Y/N!” Obi-Wan exclaimed, turning back to you. “Are you alright?”

“Focus on what’s in front of you!” You retorted. “I’m fine!”

“Lucky for you, I’m an excellent pilot,” Anakin’s tone was laced with annoyance. He tried to keep the ship steady as they headed toward the nearby planet’s surface. As they hit the ground, you tumbled again.

“For all your expertise, this is not a very smooth landing!” Obi-Wan complained.

“If you hit that second fighter, we wouldn’t be in this mess.”

The ship slid to a rough stop. Obi-Wan quickly left his seat to come to your side. He reached down to help you up.

“I’m fine,” you said, swatting his hands away as you stand up yourself. “Let’s go.”

Obi-Wan shoulders shagged as you walked away from him and toward the back of the ship. It had been a well-thought-out, strategic plan, not telling you the truth about Anakin’s capture. But it was definitely backfiring on him. You, Anakin, and Obi-Wan jumped off the ramp and onto the surface of the planet you had landed on.

“I’ve had better landings,” Obi-Wan said, brushing himself off.

Anakin pointed to the side of you. “Dooku,” he stated.

You looked over to see that Dooku’s ship was near yours. The three of you walked over to examine the ship. As you came closer, you heard a steady beeping. It was coming from a small device on the side of the ship.

“What’s this, a homing beacon?” Obi-Wan questioned as he touched it.

“Count Dooku is waiting for help,” you stated.

“That means he can’t be far off,” Anakin added.

Obi-Wan crouched down to check underneath the ship. “His engine is damaged,” he stated. “He’s not going anywhere.” He stood up and turned around, rubbing his beard with his hand. This seemed to be a new habit he had started doing, you noticed.

“Not without a homing beacon.” Anakin ignited his saber and destroyed the device before following after you and Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan paused, looking around at the landscape. “There.” He pointed. “Caves are a good start.” He led you and Anakin toward them.

“Strange,” you muttered, sensing something within the cave.

“You sense it too. Many life forms in there.”

“And Dooku’s one of them,” Anakin said, igniting his lightsaber.

“Let’s try to get him before something else does.” 

Obi-Wan ignited his saber while you left yours on your hip. Using the two blue sabers as light, you ventured further into the cave. The further you got, the more you felt something off.”

“I don’t like this,” you mumbled. “We should turn back.” Your group paused at a low rumbling.

“What’s that?” Obi-Wan wondered. You all looked up to see rocking falling toward you. “Run!”

You quickly pushed Obi-Wan and Anakin with the Force out of the way as the rocks landed on top of you. You heard them shout for you before your head was hit and knocked you out. Obi-Wan and Anakin were covered in another layer of rocks quickly. It took a moment for Anakin to use the Force to uncover himself. He went to the pile he knew you were under and believed Obi-Wan to be under too. When he reached for his saber to help him through the pile, it wasn’t at his hip.

“Master! Y/N!” He called. “Can someone hear me?”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan coughed as he walked over, brushing dust off. “Where’s Y/N?”

“Underneath the rocks.”

“No.” Obi-Wan immediately tried to sense for you, only being met with nothing. “Blast! She’s still blocking me.”

“Maybe if you were more honest with her, that wouldn’t have been a problem.”

“Now’s not the time, Anakin. We need to get her out of there. Where’s your lightsaber?”

“It got knocked out of my hand.”

“By a rock?”

“Yeah, by a rock. It’s got to be here somewhere. It’s probably with Y/N.”

“That is a feeble excuse.” Obi walked around to the other side of the pile. “Together, we’re going to lift these rocks up and throw them away from us.”

“Alright Master, on three. One, two, three!”

While working together, using the Force, the rocks lifted up and reveal you underneath them. You were lying unconscious with a trail of blood trickling down your face from a cut you had received from the rocks. The men grunted as they tossed the rocks away and hurried to your side. Obi-Wan was there first, pulling you into his lap. He could feel and see you breathing, but he feared that there were injuries beneath the surface.

“Y/N,” he gently tried to wake you. “Y/N.” You groaned, moving slightly in his arms. “Thank the Matter,” Obi-Wan whispered.

Anakin furrowed his brows at the scene playing out in front of him. He felt completely lost. You groaned again, pulling his attention back to the matter at hand. You blinked slow and long as you tried to clear up your blurry vision. Your head was pounding and you were sure that there would be bruises littered over your skin soon.

“Ow,” you mumbled.

Anakin laughed. “She’s fine.” He began searching for his lightsaber.

“Do not ever push me out of the way like that again, little star,” Obi-Wan whispered as he helped you sit up. “You had me worried.”

“Sorry,” you muttered, handing going up to your achy head.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like a pile of rocks just fell on me.” Obi-Wan gave you a look signaling to you that he was serious. “I’ll be fine. Nothing I can’t shake off.” 

“That’s what you always say.”

You realized then how close you were to Obi-Wan. His eyes sparkled in concern. Your fingers twitched as your eyes caught sight of his hair and yearned to run through it. Pulling you out of your thoughts and pushing yourself out of his lap, you noticed Anakin searching for something. 

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“He lost his lightsaber,” Obi-Wan answered for Anakin. “It got hit by a rock.”

“By a rock?”

“Yes! By a rock!” Anakin exclaimed, frustrated. “And you two questioning it, is not helpful.” Obi-Wan helped you to your feet, keeping a hand on your upper back just in case. “You know what would be helpful? A little light.”

“Certainly,” Obi-Wan responded. He pulled out his lightsaber and ignited it. It flashed a few times before disappearing completely. “Silly thing. It was just working a minute ago.” He hit the hilt twice.

“You don’ suppose it was hit by a rock, do you?” 

Anakin playfully threw a rock Obi-Wan’s way. It bounced off his armor, causing you to laugh lightly. Before anyone could say anything else, growling was heard from above. The three of you looked up and began backing away. There was a creature, hanging from the ceiling.

“Oh, this should be interesting,” Obi-Wan commented.

The creature screeched as it jumped down from its perch. Obi-Wan quickly pulled you behind him as the creature charged forward. Anakin moved out of the way, causing it to follow after him. Obi-Wan began tinkering with his saber. You stepped forward to try and help, but Obi-Wan’s arm snapped in front of you.

“You just got pummeled by large rocks,” Obi-Wan stated. “You’re staying put.”

You opened your mouth to argue when Anakin shouted, “Jump in anytime!” 

“Oh, you’re doing fine. She seems to like you.”

“Yeah, lucky me! This isn’t as much fun as it looks. I thought gundarks were only found on Vanqor.”

“Then this system must be Vanqor.”

Anakin began being pulled by his leg by the gundark. “So that would make this one—“

“The mother of all gundarks. Precisely.”

“Are we going to help him at all, Obi-Wan?” You asked.

Aiming his hands at a large rock in front of them, Obi-Wan used the Force to lift it and then throw it at the gundark. It hit the creature, throwing it back and letting go of Anakin. Anakin rushed over to you and Obi-Wan, you and him mimicking Obi-Wan’s stance.

“Well, you took your time,” Anakin complained.

The three of you used the Force to throw rocks at the gundark. You continued until the creature was covered in rocks.

“It’s a pity,” Anakin said. “I was just starting to sense a connection.”

“Should we leave you two alone, or would you prefer to find a way out of this hole before she wakes up?” Obi-Wan teased.

“I think—Woah,” you tried to speak put a dizzy spell hit and you were falling to the ground. 

Obi-Wan quickly caught you, pulling you into him. “We need to get out of here. Y/N clearly needs medical.”

“Yeah… I think I actually agree with that this time.”

You leaned heavily into Obi-Wan’s side as the three of you headed toward the entrance of the cave. When you got there, you noticed that the entrance had collapsed. Obi-Wan helped you sit down on a large rock.

“Stay here,” he ordered. “And don’t do anything.”

You quickly tried to argue. “But I can—“

“Stay put and don’t move.”

Obi-Wan turned around and began to help Anakin use the Force to lift the large rocks away from the entrance. They were about halfway when another growl was heard.

“Sounds like another gundark,” you stated.

“It’s too far away to worry about,” Anakin replied.

“It won’t stay far away,” Obi-Wan said.

One of the rocks they were moving, didn’t drop nicely to the ground. It plummeted, forming a crack and causing green gas to rush out of it.

“Uh-oh,” Anakin said. “New problem.” The three of you began coughing.

“That’s not good,” stated Obi-Wan.

“It’s just gas.”

“Yes. Probably toxic gas.”

“That’s good. Maybe it’ll kill your gundark.”

“And maybe it will kill us.”

“Come one. Let’s get out of here.” The men coughed as they tried to move the rocks again. “This isn’t gonna work. I can’t breathe.”

“Me,” you coughed, “either.” You coughed again. You went to stand up, only to fall onto the ground, weak.

“Y/N!” Obi-Wan coughed. He failed to reach you though, too weak to move passed the rock he was now laying on. “As always, I’m open to suggest…” He couldn’t even finish his thought.

“Come on, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, trying to use the Force. “Don’t give up now.”

The rocks covering the entrance began rumbling before the top layer was blasted away. You coughed as the gas began to clear.

“What was that?” You asked.

“I have no idea,” Anakin responded.

“Master!” Ahsoka called, coming through a cloud of dust with a group of clones. Obi-Wan, Anakin, and yourself began a coughing fit. “Looks like I got here just in time.”

“What do you mean, just in time?”

“You were in very big trouble.”

“Trouble?” Obi-Wan repeated, coming over to help you up again. “We were simply searching for Count Dooku.”

“Yeah,” Anakin coughed. “We had the situation well under control, my little Padawan.”

“No, they didn’t,” you coughed, clinging onto Obi-Wan as you did so.

“Oh, I see,” Ahsoka said, not believing her Master or Master Kenobi. “SO which part of the situation did you have under control: the blocked entrance, the poison gas, or that gundark behind you?”

“Gundark?” Anakin questioned, turning around.

“Oh, you mean the one that’s too far away to worry about?” Obi-Wan said, aiming his words at his former Padawan. You glanced back to see a growling gundark, headed your way.

“Block the entrance,” Ahsoka ordered. The clones marched forward and shot away at the entrance, the rocks falling on the gundark.

“There’s still Dooku to deal with,” Anakin stated as Obi-Wan helped you walk toward the ship.

“You let him get away?”

“No, not get away exactly. Just…” Ahsoka rose a brow at her Master. “Chime in anytime,” Anakin muttered at you and Obi-Wan.

“Oh, no,” you said with a shake of your head.

“We’re enjoying this far too much,” said Obi-Wan, a slight smirk on his lips. You began coughing again, pulling Obi-Wan’s attention back to you. His hand came up to your head, his thumb carefully wiping the dried blood away. “Let’s get you on the ship.”

You nodded as you let yourself heavily rely on Obi-Wan to get you to the ship. He helped lay you down on a row of seats.

“Thank you,” you said softly.

“You need to be more careful, little star,” he warned. “You are not indestructible.”

“Neither are you, Obi. I promise, with a little rest, I will be just fine.” 

The shields blocking your Force signature slid down and Obi-Wan quickly latched on. He watched you carefully as you lay there and everyone else filed onto the ship. Once they were headed back to the star cruiser, Obi-Wan felt the need to ask you a question.

“Why do you keep blocking me?” He whispered. If he hadn’t been sitting right in front of you, you were sure you would have missed it. “I know… I know we never talk about the bond between us, but I know you know it’s there.”

“I do,” you replied just as quietly as he was talking. “I block you when you annoy me or when you hurt me. Like…like you keeping this mission plan a secret. I was truly worried about Anakin. I also do it so that I can concentrate on the task at hand. If I don’t, I find myself reaching out to you and that can be a distraction.”

Obi-Wan nodded. He believed your answers, he just believed that there was more to it than you were willing to admit right now. At least, that’s what the Force was telling him.

“Thank you for your honesty,” he said. “I will try my best not to annoy you so much.”

You laughed, causing Obi-Wan to smile widely. “Good luck.”

next chapter >

TAGLIST IS CLOSED - Taglist Information

[melishade]

Attack on Prime: Alpha Trion

Link for fanfic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/36583423/chapters/91243426

So...Alpha Trion. Let’s talk about him. Sure is known throughout TFP lore as Optimus’ mentor and one of the Thirteen Original Primes. But...his methods are pretty messed up if you take a really hard look at it.

I think @poptimus-prime explained it best with a reblogged post about Alpha Trion knocking Smokescreen out and putting the Omega Key in his body before possibly letting him get captured by the Decepticons, instead of just telling Smokescreen to guard the damn key. Actually, there were quite a few tumblr users who brought up how messed up Alpha Trion’s methods were. Maybe Alpha Trion knew it would turn out fine because the Covenant of Primus can supposedly look into the future. Maybe he was just following future events to ensure Cybertron’s ultimate survival and revival. I think when you have god-like powers you tend to focus more on the bigger picture and the biggest outcome instead of the sufferings of the individual and the present. But according to the TFPWiki page, Alpha Trion did do his best to prevent the war, which ended up happening anyway, so maybe I’m wrong.

So acknowledging this, I can’t help but feel like Optimus would feel some sort of resentment. Sure Optimus cares deeply for Alpha Trion. The Archivist raised Optimus from a young age and took him under his wing, teaching him everything that he knew but...he finds out before he leaves Cybertron that Alpha Trion was one of the Thirteen. I’m even sure that Optimus is aware that he is the reincarnation of the Thirteenth Prime, what with the matrix in his chest and all. So that being said, why in the Pit didn’t Alpha Trion do anything about Cybertron’s caste system? Why didn’t Alpha Trion help out before the situation escalated to Megatron shooting Halogen? Why wasn’t Optimus there in his final moments?

(Optimus tends to shove these thoughts down because there’s not much he can do about it now, especially since in Attack on Prime, he’s not on Cybertron).

But in regards to Attack on Prime, this is actually another reason why Optimus holds a grudge against Grisha Jaeger. He placed an unnecessary burden on Eren, giving him no instructions on how to control his power, and supposedly left, only to find out later that he was eaten by his own son. It’s a reflection of what Alpha Trion did, and he despises it. This is also part of why he was torn about not telling Eren about Megatron’s identity when the titan first came to their world because he’s literally repeating what both Grisha and Alpha Trion were doing: keeping secrets.

But story wise, since I did bring Alpha Trion up a few times, the Survey Corps would no doubt get curious and ask about the Master Archivist. Optimus would give an explanation about who he is, how he found him, and took him to be his student.

“So he’s like your father?” Hanji asks him.

And Optimus hesitates at this, saying “I...suppose so.”

Which does raise some heads, because you’d think that Optimus would remember someone who was his mentor a little more fondly, but...there’s hesitance. And they don’t know why. Hanji knows that this is a huge risk, and even though she has Megatron backed in a corner, she doesn’t know how he’ll respond to the topic. So she asks, “what’s your opinion on Alpha Trion?”

And Hanji and Levi notice anger. Not irritation, not annoyance, anger. Because I think Megatron was always suspicious of Alpha Trion and the knowledge he possessed. Shockwave captured him for a reason. But I don’t think Megatron found out about Alpha Trion’s status as a Prime. Maybe he would assume Alpha Trion would be influencing the system behind the scenes and molding Orion into the Council’s puppet, which wouldn’t be too far off from Megatron’s thinking in the actual show and books. But Megatron’s not going to dive too much into it, because he’s not going to be giving that type of information to humans and just says: “That ‘Master Archivist’ knew more than he was letting on.” before leaving. 

But that’s enough for the Survey Corps to start viewing Alpha Trion in a bit of a negative light. Armin has to remind everyone that they still don’t know the entire story and not to jump to any conclusions based on their limited knowledge. But Eren is still pretty impulsive and just bluntly asks about it, throwing Optimus off-guard. He straight up demands to know if Alpha Trion hurt him, and Optimus just has to explain the context of the situation.

“Alpha Trion was my mentor and raised me when I was lost, but...he held many secrets from me. Secrets that may have prevented the war from happening. But there is not much I can do about it now, and he is one with the Allspark.”

And all Eren can be reminded of is his own father and the burden and secrets he kept, and he just hugs Optimus because damn it the titan needs it.

Would Alpha Trion feel remorse for his actions? Maybe. Would Alpha Trion justify his actions via duty? Possibly. I just know that if the Survey Corps were to somehow cross him, they would give him only five minutes to explain his side of the story before deciding whether or not to throw hands with the secret Prime.

(I feel like I should write this out in full or something.)

Also, missed opportunity: Alpha Trion should have said ‘Oh my~!’ since his voice is credited to George Fucking Takei! What the hell was the budget on TFP?!

[forcemeanakin]

Phoenix: Chapter 1

The shroud of the darkside has fallen. ●

WARNING: Smut, female masturbation, slight mention of murder/Order 66 references.

A/N: Also on Wattpad! Hope you enjoy my first fanfiction :)

Sinopsis here.

———————

Anakin’s POV

—We took down one Rebel base on Ryloth. It was a small one, however, we got access to their database and discovered the locations of at least two more hideouts. —explained Qui-Gon.

—The Geonosis one is less complicated, but the one located in Hoth is tricky. The planet is a snowball. Also, the hideout is inside the planet’s caves, so there goes the element of surprise. —Sighed Obi-Wan.

—Don’t be so negative, Obi-Wan. That pushes us to have a more aggressive approach. Just my style.—I smiled cockily.

—Don’t get so ahead of yourself, Anakin. We cannot afford to lose troops in such a simple mission. We need a detailed plan. We will discuss this in our briefing tomorrow.—Qui-Gon stated.

Not even when we switched to the dark side he stopped being so… himself. Wise, mindful, strategic. I still remembered the day I found out he was tampering with the dark side. I cannot say I was totally surprised with that information, after all, Qui-Gon was never the most faithful follower of the Jedi Code. But still, I was shocked. Imagine watching your father figure go against everything he has ever taught you. I was furious, I felt betrayed until he explained everything. How he thought the Council was corrupt, how the Senate was a useless organization and how unappreciated we were; they treated us like pawns. He told me every reservation he had against the Council, especially against Windu. I remember his words exactly:

—C’mon Anakin, you have seen the way they treat you. It breaks my heart everytime they ignore your suggestions or undermine your abilities. You are our strongest Jedi and they constantly bench you. They don’t trust you. They don’t value you. Why would we stay? — I saw his nostrils getting bigger with every word he said.

—I must admit, I have had questions about the Order myself, ever since the beginning of the Clone Wars. Aren’t we supposed to be peacekeepers? I feel they don’t do what they preach… —I shook my head, looking at the floor. —I also agree with you, Qui-Gon. I can see how they pushed me aside, making me feel useless. I thought it was my ego, but I’m happy you have noticed it too. I still haven’t forgiven them for not letting me rescue my mother…—I said, growing angrier by the second.

—Before I even brought you to Coruscant, they repeatedly questioned my judgment and it got worse with my request to train you. I have believed in you this whole time, I have never regretted rescuing you from Tatooine but sometimes I wonder if I caused you more pain than good by bringing you here.—he looked down, sad.

—My Master, I have a life’s debt with you, you saved me. Protected me. Trained me. I could never repay you. —I assured him, suddenly feeling guilty for ever second guessing him. I know that Qui-Gon would never turn his back to the Jedi Order without a reason. Who am I to question him?

—My boy, I don’t expect you to join me. I understand if this is a path you can’t follow, but just know I can’t stay. I have been learning the dark side methods with a Sith Lord, Darth Sidious. I believe I can overthrow him, the Senate and restore peace through an Empire. But we cannot do that with the Jedi still around, so we are planning on… eliminating them. I’m telling you now, so you have time to run away-

—I’m gonna interrupt you there. — I ignored the “we” in his speech. I was curious about that, but I needed to reassure him he had my loyalty. —Where do you need me? —I smiled. He grinned back and laughed.

After that conversation, we got down to work on our master plan. Qui-Gon was finishing his training with Darth Sidious, who I found out was Chancellor Palpatine all along. I was kind of sad when Qui-Gon admitted he wanted to kill him; he was nice to me, but apparently he was never on the original plan of the Empire. Qui-Gon and Palpatine got to keep their relationship a secret, but the disturbances in the Force kept getting stronger as long as Qui-Gon was getting more powerful, so we needed to act fast.

Obi-Wan joined us in our little scheme after some deliberation; he was unsure about his transition. I could see he was constantly pushing those worries in the back of his head, but he followed us every step of the way. After our trio was completed, Qui-Gon trained us in the dark side ways without Sidious noticing or he would kill him immediately. Qui-Gon also told us he had an additional apprentice that he would introduce to us when the moment was right: Darth Phoenix. They were always working on the sidelines, doing Qui-Gon’s secret jobs. To this day, we have never seen them, due to the fact that they spent most of the time hunting down extreme threats in the Outer Rim.

I’m still unsure if Phoenix participated in the execution of Order 66, about eight months ago. I was in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and Obi-Wan took care of the Trade Federation in Mustafar, but no sight of Qui-Gon’s famous apprentice. I must say, I’m kind of jealous. He always talks about their successes and their mass murderers and their amazing lightsaber skills… I’m sick. So this mission is my perfect opportunity to show Qui-Gon who is his biggest ally.

My mind came back to the present when Qui-Gon’s comlink bipped. He smiled widely at it and looked at us.

—I have a surprise for you guys. My apprentice is arriving at the hangar as we speak. You will finally meet! —he said, excited. I could sense the paternal love radiating from him, the kind he usually shows me.

—That is very good news, Qui-Gon. I am eager to meet Darth Phoenix. I must know if they are worth all the praise you give them. —Obi-Wan joked.

—Trust me, I undersell them. — he smudged.

—You know? Now that I recall, you have never explained how you two met. Where did you find them?—I curiously asked, raising an eyebrow.

—Well, it’s actually really funn- —Qui-Gon was interrupted by the loud steps from the clone legion approaching. In the middle of the trooper army, there was a human figure with a long black robe, just like ours. I couldn’t see anything underneath and I couldn't hear a single thing. Normally I’m pretty good at reading people’s thoughts, I may say it’s my best developed ability, like force healing is Obi Wan’s. But for some reason I couldn't get a single thing from that mind. The shadow kept approaching us, even when the troopers left the room. So this is the infamous Darth…

—Phoenix! It’s so good to finally see you! —Qui-Gon smiled. —I must congratulate you on your last mission. It was a profound success. —He praised.

Their arms lifted above her head and pulled the hoodie off, finally revealing their face. I almost gasped at the sight. Beautiful long hair, glowy skin, gorgeous eyes, plumped lips, stunning smile… Wait, what? Phoenix is a girl? No. She is a woman.

She gave Qui-Gon a wide smile and ran towards him. Qui-Gon hugged her in a really paternal way, almost protecting her. She returned the emotional hug and said:

—Oh, Master, I don’t need any praise. Any mission in order to protect the Empire is just my duty. —she stepped away from the embrace and bowed to Qui-Gon, who responded with a sweet smile, as he tilted his head.

—Come, get comfortable. Trooper! Get her coat!—A trooper arrived to catch the robe she let go. I made an unbelievable effort to not show how attractive I found her. She was wearing a tight black suit with long sleeves. Although the suit covered her whole cleavage, it was so tight that I was able to see the shape and size of her breasts perfectly. The material adjusts incredibly well to the curves of her ass and thighs. There really wasn’t anything left to imagination. I was absolutely eye-fucking her until Qui-Gon interrupted.

—Phoenix, I would like you to meet two very important people, my old friends: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

—Hey, hey, hey! —the three of them turned their confused gaze to me. She and I locked eyes for the first time. It actually felt like time itself had stopped. I forgot what I was about to say and could only focus on those incredible irises that were staring at me… waiting… Right! — What about discretion? I thought we had to keep our identities secret. —I whined, clearly upset that Qui-Gon just blew my whole cover.

—Oh, well, you’re right. I’m sorry. —Qui-Gon apologized. —Darth Phoenix, these are Darth Rakkaus and Darth Vader. —he presented.

—Well, it doesn’t matter now. —I buffed and rolled my eyes. She looked at me with funny eyes and half smile,  making fun of me.

—It’s not like I didn’t know them already. We are on the same side, remember? —she teased. —Also, there wasn’t a single street in the galaxy that didn’t have your face on a poster during the Clone Wars, Hero with no fear. —she rolled her eyes, laughing. Obi Wan and Qui-Gon joined.

—And did you enjoy the view?—I asked cockily.

—Let’s just say I preferred to watch the ambulances unload, General. —she finalized the sentence with my title. It shouldn’t have turned me on the way it did.

—Excuse Anakin’s rudeness, Phoenix. I must admit I was eager to meet you; Qui-Gon tells the craziest stories about you. Is it true that you alone dismantled the Hutt’s dominance in the Outer Rim?—he asked, totally impressed.

—Well, I could say yes, but that would totally minimize my legion’s efforts.—she answered humbly. —But I must add that I was particularly proud on the Tatooine’s victory. The slaves were so grateful.

I froze at the mention of my home land. I always said that I would come back to Tatooine and free all of the slaves, but you know, life gets in the way. Now I couldn’t help but to feel embarrassed for neglecting my life’s goal. And to see someone else do it…

—That is most impressive. —expressed Obi-Wan, with widened eyes. He then also looked at me, to see my reaction. He knew it would affect me, however, I didn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how jealous I was.

—I agree, but we would have loved those type of skills in the Order 66. By the way, where the fuck were you? We did all of the dirty work. —I complained.

—Well, golden boy, who the fuck do you think took care of Palpatine?— she raised her eyebrows, mockingly.

Both Obi-Wan and I stayed in shock. We always thought that was Qui-Gon’s job. To be able to kill Palpatine meant that she was really, really strong… In ways-

—I would really love to talk about it, but I’m exhausted. I could really use some sleep. —she yawned.

—For sure, I’m gonna get a trooper to lead you to your chambers. We have a meeting tomorrow to discuss our next attack. I want you well rested. —Qui-Gon pointed at her.

—See you tomorrow, Master. Obi-Wan, Anakin. —she tilted her head provocatively, before heading out.

She exudes trouble.

Y/n’s POV

I arrived at my chambers with a hard headache. I thought it was the jet lag or that I was hungry. I went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. I found chocolate chip cookies on a platter: my favorites. I was a chocolate enthusiast in general, so founding them was the best.

But that didn’t ease the pain in my brain. I considered it to be a consequence of dehydration, so I drank tons of water. That didn’t work either. At last, I thought that maybe I was simply tired because of my trip, so I decided to take a relaxing shower. I went to the bathroom to get rid of my clothes and entered the beautiful marble cage with a rainfall shower head. I let the hot water surround me, taking all of the extra weight with it. I was starting to relax when another wave of pain hit me. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was starting to get seriously worried when I remembered the last time I felt something like that. Someone was trying to get through my mental shields. I secured them extra carefully after opening them for a second and thinking:

“Fuck off, perv”.

After that the pain magically ceased. There were only three other people inside these walls that could have been doing that. However, Qui-Gon was easily discarded; he respected my privacy way too much. And between Obi-Wan and Anakin? The answer was pretty clear. I was kind of amused by his interest in me. I couldn’t deny it was mutual. I heard the stories about him: Anakin Skywalker, most powerful jedi ever, the Hero with no Fear, General of the Grand Army of the Republic, the Chosen One; Darth Vader, strongest Sith Lord ever, Supreme Commander of the Imperial Army.

Force, there was something incredibly hot about a man that held military titles.

And let’s not forget that gorgeous face. The minute our eyes met I felt drawn. And can we just pause for a second and concentrate on his adorable butt chin? It was almost imperceptible but I loved that little, tiny detail. And I knew that was the only thing in his whole body I could describe as tiny.  The biceps that popped from under his robe were giving me a hard time focusing. His long legs invited me to climb him. I was convinced that his abs were deliciously chiseled, and that under those loose pants a massive beast was ready to be unleashed.

The further my mind wondered, the further my hand traveled down my body. Once it reached my clit I started massaging the little nub, holding back, teasing myself in the same way I knew he would, going faster at times and then slowing down again, making the fire in my belly grow. I don't think he would leave it there tho, no. He would lower his other hand, the one with the leather glove, and push two of his thick fingers into me at once; and so I did with my own hand, having to lean against the wall when the tension became too overwhelming. I started pumping my fingers in and out, trying to imagine how delightful the texture of the leather would feel against my walls. That thought was followed by an audible moan that I was sure he would mock me for...such a desperate little thing...Oh, if only he knew. Force, images of his face were flashing through my brain, I felt the burning water drops hit my skin, and pictured them soaking his curls, making them stick to his flustered face sinfully. I started rubbing my clit faster when the familiar burn of release settled in my stomach, my wrists were sore, but I swear I could almost feel his breath against my cheek, calling me, luring me over the edge. I tilted my head back with a thud against the shower as my release covered my hands, whimpering when I got my fingers out of me. All traces of his image were gone once I opened my eyes.

For a moment I considered bringing my shields down, to give him a taste of what he was missing. But I contained myself. Not because I was shy, I actually felt no shame in my sexual nature. However, I knew teasing Anakin wasn’t the best decision to make. Although co-fraternising between us wasn’t prohibited, I was sure it was something Qui-Gon would frown upon. And the last thing I wanted was to make the person that saved me feel betrayed. He opened his arms to me and I was gonna jeopardize his whole life’s mission because of my hornyness? Don’t think so. I was way too loyal for that.

But flirting isn’t so bad…I mean, at the end of the day it is just teasing.

Stop! My mental voice shouted.

Don’t go looking for things you don’t want to find.

——————

[coexiising]

Fade Into You - Chapter One

SUMMARY ◆ You keep having these reoccurring dreams of a strange man, but after speaking with him for the first time, you wonder who he is what what he wants with you

WARNING(S) ◆ Suitless! Darth Vader, Eventual Romance, Sith Anakin Skywalker, Eventual Smut, i make up rules of the force, angst, force sensitive reader

NOTE ◆ here’s my spin on suitless vader! i hope you guys enjoy this as much as i like writing it!

                  »»————-　★　————-««

You only see him in your dreams.

A flicker of an unknown presence that you haven’t ever felt before and it consumed you whole. Every time you closed your eyes and your mind drifted into your subconscious, you saw him. At first you didn’t know what this being was, if it was someone from the past that you couldn’t quite remember or someone you had seen in passing. Though, as the days went on and the dreams didn’t go away, you soon realized that you were dealing with someone with a powerful presence. No one should be able to infiltrate your dreams the way that he did.

It always started the same way. You would walk around the dimly lit corridors of an unknown building, darkness felt through all sides of the Force the more you pressed on. Your dream self would turn the corner and he would be there, back facing you as he looked out the large window. And you would join him in standing, glancing out at the large horizon, molten lava falling and pooling along crimson rocks. It was disturbingly peaceful, standing there with this stranger. The two of you never spoke, all intents of words forming died in your throat. It didn’t feel like a dream. Dreams were supposed to be made up of your imagination, though you never believed you could think of a place like this. It was so lifelike, almost to the point where you could feel the heat rising from the ground as you stood.

Last night, as you stood with this stranger, focusing your attention on a specific volcano that erupted in the distance, you spoke out a quiet, “Who are you?” He was an enigma, and it wasn’t as though you were the one making these dreams happen. It was as if you were dropped here every night. There was something familiar about him, like you knew him but didn’t at the same time. Like a stranger and a friend. It had to be him controlling this.

You could feel his emotions shift, and hearing your soft voice seemed to snap both of you out of this daze. You turned to him, but he was already looking at you. He stood taller than you, a strong build of a body dressed in all black along with a cloak that would tread on the floor behind him as he walked. You seemed to be around the same age, his features still bright with youth, a sharply cut jawline and messy dirty blonde hair that looked as if someone had tousled through it with their hands. Though, the most distinguished feature that this man had was his golden-yellow eyes, looking down at you as though he was staring into your very soul. You had never seen eyes like that before. It seemed dark, sinister, yet you felt yourself drawing closer to him.

As alarming as his aura was, for some reason you knew that he wouldn’t hurt you. You didn’t know why you trusted a complete stranger, but something in the Force told you to.

“Who are you?” He asked, relaying the same confusion that was laced in your voice prior. It wasn’t mocking, he really didn’t know what was going on here either. His eyes never left yours, hand coming and grabbing you by the wrist. The touch was unexpected and his grip was almost painful, though not in the way one would think. It was almost a burning sensation, like the very collision of your skin against his was causing hot, white fire. “And what are you doing here?”

“Y/N,” You answered, the words basically pushing out of your mouth. His gaze almost softened, another wave of confusion looking over his dark features.

You didn’t have the chance to answer his next question, explain how you were dreaming and how you didn’t know why you were here at all. Because it was as if some other force was pushing you out of your dream, bringing you back to reality. Soon enough his touch was gone and you were waking up, eyes fluttering open to the grey ceiling of your room above your bed. Glancing at the chrono on your side table, you saw that it was still early in the morning, no one would be up except maybe the council, doing their daily morning meeting before the day started.

Settling on the realization that there was no way you were going to get back to sleep, you moved to sit on the edge of your bed, feet falling against the floor. You hissed, feeling a sharp pang of pain shoot through your left wrist. There was a ring of burned skin around your wrist, red and blistering in some places and in the shape of a hand. The dream. Your thoughts took you back to that moment where the man grabbed at it, and realized that the burning sensation you felt was real and wasn’t a figment of your imagination after all. His touch physically burned you. The thought was unsettling, that you had such a connection with this unknown man that he could touch you through the force. Yet, on the other hand, it filled you with more wonder.

                                            ~

They say that attachment leads to the dark side.

Growing up in the Jedi Temple for all these years, you had repeated this to yourself multiple times. Whenever you find your heart pick up with worry over another fellow Jedi, you repeat what you had been taught. Over and over again you did this, until it stuck and your anxieties subsided enough to where you were sure your emotions were not getting the better of you. However, as much as you did not want to admit to yourself, you wondered how you were supposed to live your life without growing attached to anyone. You were Jedi, a peacekeeper, a guardian. It was your job to be compassionate, to fight for the good and keep the peace of the galaxy. And you did show compassion in anything that you did, even though at times you knew you were growing closer to the people you served with. It was a hard balancing act that you were still wavering on, and suspected that most Jedi had these same thoughts, they just never voiced it out loud.

It was later now, the shimmering lights of Coruscant illuminated the hallways of the temple, making shadows dance across the walls to any type of movement. You couldn’t sleep. In fact, you really didn’t want to sleep because you knew what would happen if you did. You weren’t scared of him, whoever he was, a hidden stranger in the depths of your subconscious. Though ever since you were given the burn on your wrist, you had been uneasy to the thought of closing your eyes and drifting to that place. Deep down you felt through the Force that he wasn’t trying to hurt you, and perhaps maybe he had done it without his knowledge. Was he even a person? The man seemed to be, though looks can be deceiving and the thought of speaking to him once again seemed too consuming to even imagine.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a figure walking towards you. The familiar Force Signature relaxed you, not bothering to turn and keeping your eyes focused on the trails of ships making their way to one place or another for the evening. Obi-Wan was a friend of yours, more so a companion that you grew to know throughout the war. You were younger than he was, but he never treated you much differently despite his obvious position over you in the Order. Should you tell him about your dreams? It was the type of thing you knew you should inquire Master Yoda about, though you found that once in a while when you came to the old, wise Master, he didn’t hold all the answers that you hoped for. Obi-Wan was a friend. You could trust him.

“Good evening, Knight Y/N,” Obi-Wan greeted, his taller figure standing beside and joining you in looking out the window. “Shouldn’t you be getting some sleep? It is awfully late.” His tone was wavering, skeptical, like he knew something was off just by being close to you. Your aura was off, stems of cool waves emitting from you the deeper you delved into your thoughts.

How were you supposed to answer that? The normal Jedi response would be ‘I’m just fine, thank you’ but you weren’t. You were confused and you weren’t sure what to do. You still looked ahead as you asked, “Master Obi-Wan, do you know anything about how the Force ties into dreams?” You turned to face him now, eyes showing a mix of curiosity and anxiety while he was already staring at you. The more he searched them, the more concerned he grew, you could feel his signature reaching out towards you while he remained motionless as a statue.

It wasn’t in his nature to walk away from someone who needed help with an issue, but your question was odd. “What kind of dreams?” He asked, voice in a hushed whisper.

“I’m not sure, they’re hard to explain. It feels like I’m inside of them and in control of them to a certain extent,” You replied.

“Is there anyone there with you?”

You hesitated, closing your eyes and seeing the picture of your stranger staring down at you. The golden curls that framed his face, those eyes of his . . .  They were all with you now even as you were awake. It was a loaded question, you thought, especially when he felt so close now. The moment you opened your eyes and were once again met with Obi-Wan’s ocean blue ones, you took in a breath and remembered that you were within the safety of the Temple. No one could touch you here. “Yes, there’s a man with me,” You responded. Your heart was beating endlessly against your ribcage, this being the first time that you have actually spoken about your encounters. The burn marks on your wrist felt like heavyweights, rejoicing that you were acknowledging them, acknowledging him. “I don’t know who he is, it’s like he is a stranger, but not at the same time. And I just want to know what it all means.”

“I’m not sure myself. I’ve never heard of this happening before,” Your friend said solemnly, dissatisfied with himself that he wasn’t able to come up with a solid answer.

“That’s what I was afraid of.” You sighed, feeling foolish at thinking you could solve this problem that easily. Things were never that easy, especially when it came to the Force. There was so much that you didn’t know, so much that no one knew. And it was somewhat agonizing. You were in tune with such a powerful part of the universe and you didn’t know the first thing about it. All these years you spent at the temple and all the years to come, were they going to amount to anything? Were you going to be satisfied in the end? “Last night was different though, we spoke to one another.”

“You haven’t spoken before?”

“No, we never did. And he didn’t seem to know who I was either or what was causing this to occur. But I don’t know, Obi-Wan, for some reason I have a bad feeling about this. Like I shouldn’t be messing with the Force in this way.”

Your friend didn’t speak for quite some time, his calloused hand reaching up to scratch at the blonde beard he had grown out over the years. His eyes shifted from yours to the ground, making your hands clench together without your permission. In this moment, you berated yourself for ever saying anything about it. There was obviously something wrong and he didn’t know how to tell you, or even worse, he would have to tell the council. What if these dreams were the dark side tempting you? What if you weren’t strong enough to be a Jedi and were doomed to fall? You were spiraling, and it didn’t help that Obi-Wan wouldn’t even look at you.

It felt like an eternity went past before Obi-Wan said, “I think that you should try and communicate more with him.” That seemed like the last thing you thought he was going to say. And it seemed dangerous, unlike most plans that Obi-Wan had where he guaranteed that the most would be safe. But then you remembered he was completely going into the wind, he knew as little as you did. “If the Force is truly causing this to happen, then it must be a good thing, right? Us Jedi, we need to trust in the Force wherever it guides us.” Trust in the Force, Y/N.

Master Obi-Wan had a point. The Force wasn’t supposed to do anything without purpose, at least, you needed to believe that was true in this moment. So you quickly said goodnight to the man and turned on your heel towards your room, hearing only the echo of your footsteps as you thought. You would go to him, whoever this stranger was. You would go to him and finally get to the bottom of whatever was happening to you. You were a Jedi, you could do this. And as you got ready for bed and settled into the soft beige sheets, you ignored the way that your wrist felt as if it was completely submerged in fire.

[jasontoddiefor]

As Lightning to the Children eased Chapter 14

Chapter 14 is out! Read on AO3!

Padmé did not call Anakin out when she found him hiding in her living room, arms tugged beneath his knees, his chin resting on top of them. He didn’t look like he had gotten any sleep lately and she was not about to stop him from getting at least some rest.

Instead, he merely put a cup of tea in his hands and went about her work. Halfway through midday, she got the call she had been waiting for.

“Senator Organa,” she greeted her ally and friend. Bail Organa was a good man, friendly and charming on top, and Padmé wondered what would happen if she were to let him meet Obi-Wan sometime. The two seemed like the kind of people who’d get along like a house on fire. “How are you?”

“Quite well, thank you,” Bail replied. He glanced at Anakin once but didn’t further react to his presence. “And yourself?”

“Exhausted, if I’m honest,” Padmé said. “The war hasn’t even truly started and I already feel as if I’ve aged years, but let’s not linger on that. How is your charge?”

“Adjusting,” Bail said. “I offered to take him home to Breha, but he decided that he wanted to stay on Coruscant. I’m not sure whether it’s the proximity to the Jedi or if it’s because he has to protect me in turn for keeping him safe, but I decided it would be beneficial for his health to remain at my side.”

Padmé smiled at him, honestly and truly happy. “I’m relieved to hear that.”

Finally, some good news during this catastrophe. When the Jedi had taken them all back to Coruscant, nobody had been too sure what to do with little Boba Fett. Technically speaking, his father – no matter how undeserving Padmé thought him of the title – was a deceased criminal and there were enough people who wanted Boba to pay for his father’s crimes. Hi status as a clone also didn’t really improve his situation. Padmé would have taken Boba in himself, as would the Jedi, but neither was quite the right fit, and when Bail Organa had offered to take him in, then that was just good fortune.

“If you ever need someone to babysit, I can jump in last minute,” Padmé joked.

Bail smiled and nodded. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind, Padmé, but I believe Boba would protest quite heavily against being babysitted.”

“He can be part of my protective detail then,” she amended. “I’m sure he will do excellent work.”

X

The Council room was dead silent.

“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Qui-Gon asked, allowing disbelief to seep into his voice.

Whereas some of his fellow Masters smiled in tired exhaustion, others only rolled their eyes.

“A new member this Council needs,” Yoda said. “Wise in the Living Force you are and raised a brilliant Padawan you did. A new member of this Council you may be if you accept.”

Qui-Gon wondered what Dooku would say about this. His Master had already departed with his own clone battalion, heading straight to the Outer Rim and into the zones that promised the most gruesome battles. Dooku was a brilliant talker and given his relationship with the Senate, he’d probably be more useful on the Council than Qui-Gon. He had already been on the Council once.

Qui-Gon knew he was stubborn and thick-headed and unlikely to change his mind unless proven wrong. Both Dooku and Obi-Wan had told and shown him so often enough. Qui-Gon wasn’t chosen for delicate and amicable peace talks. He usually went to do the negotiations where they expected things to blow up, and more often than not, they did.

He was not the best option for a War Council, especially when he struggled to wield the Force as he used to.

“Why me?” he finally asked when he didn’t know what other question there was left to voice.

“Love this Order more than anyone else, you do. Had Knight and Padawan Skywalker not found their way here, found your way to them, you would have. Listen well to the world, you do. Not afraid to speak your words, you are. Ready for this, you are.”

Not yet. Speak first. Right a wrong, my dear child, explain your scars—

“I have to talk to Anakin,” Qui-Gon said, his heart hurting at the thought of the youth, yet rejoicing at finally getting a glimpse of the Force again. “I cannot give you an answer before I spoke to him.”

The Masters nodded and Qui-Gon left.

X

Anakin was easy to find, hiding away in one of the lowest accessible levels of the temple. These days, he was either at Obi-Wan’s sickbed when Obi-Wan was asleep, at his mother’s when she wasn’t telling him to finally go talk to Obi-Wan, hiding away in Padmé’s apartments or down here. Qui-Gon had first thought that Anakin would try to go deeper, search for what lingered beneath the warm marble of their temple, but he never moved from his spot.

“Anakin.”

The Padawan winced when his name was called, then slowly turned his head only to return to staring blankly at his hands. He looked absolutely miserable, tired too. Qui-Gon sighed.

“Do you remember the mission to Naboo? When we accompanied Padmé back to it?”

Anakin gave no sign that he was listening to Qui-Gon, but he decided to keep talking anyway. “When we entered the ship, you collapsed. Something set you off, something incredibly dark and harmful, and, best I could tell, it flipped a switch for you. Revealed something it shouldn’t have.”

Anakin’s hands curled to fists as Qui-Gon sat down next to him. “Obi-Wan and I didn’t know what to do, so we- no, I decided to do what I thought was best. I blocked those memories, dressed them up in kinder images.”

Even now, so many years later, Qui-Gon remembered it so clearly. The chains wrapped around Anakin’s entire body, the sun burning him, reminding him that he was not supposed to be there.

“And then, when you tried to heal me later on, you needed the knowledge that I had hidden from you to do better.”

“To let you die, you mean,” Anakin said. His voice was hoarse as if he hadn’t spoken in days. “It would have stopped me from resurrecting you.”

“Yes,” Qui-Gon agreed. “I would have died and it would have been alright because it was my time. My actions took away something you should be able to recognize subconsciously and I want to apologize for it.”

Silence followed Qui-Gon’s statement as they let his words linger. It was true. That he realized now. Whatever he had done, it had shifted something within Anakin that wasn’t meant to be shifted sideways.

“I think you made me human,” Anakin replied, wings unfurling as bones cracked. “I don’t think I was meant to be human.”

His eyes were still closed, but Qui-Gon could still fill all of them watching him, waiting for a reaction, a confirmation.

“No, you were not,” Qui-Gon replied. “And I’m sorry I made you something you weren’t supposed to be in my fear of what you might have become in that moment.”

“I want to be human,” Anakin muttered. He stretched out his fingers, sharp claws, golden like his teeth, bleeding as if from scratching his arms raw, trying to dissect himself and sew his flesh back together in the right way, anything less hurtful. “I don’t want to be like this. Everything is so loud and I’m always too much and if I get angry, I break the world apart. It isn’t fair that I can feel so much, but I’m not allowed to embrace it.”

“Oh, Anakin.” All thoughts of logically expressing this to his Grandpadawan were forgotten. “Who told you that you can’t embrace your emotions? You just can’t let them become too much. You can’t let them consume you. You need to find your balance again.”

Qui-Gon knew it was a cruel demand to make when he had been so afraid of what would become of Anakin almost a decade ago now. There was no telling whether Anakin would still exist once he found that balance again or whether he’d return to his silent parent. After all, what parent would abandon their child if not because they knew they weren’t needed anymore?

“I’m scared,” Anakin admitted. “I was afraid my mother would be put back together again wrongly if I healed her so I lashed out and murdered all of them in cold blood and then I was scared to lose Obi-Wan and instead he lost his arm because of me and I’m scared that if I try to fix me, I won’t be me at all. I know I can do it. I’ve been looking, I can see where you used your paint on me, but I just—”

Anakin looked up, bright blue eyes staring at Qui-Gon as he cried and wrapped his arms around him, hiding his face in his robes.

“I don’t know what to do.”

Gently, Qui-Gon held onto Anakin. How strange that a being as bright and strong as him needed an anchor as fragile as Qui-Gon. He ran his fingers through Anakin’s hair, humming a melody under his breath he’d been taught years ago on a small Mid Rim planet.

Minutes passed, hours without either of them moving until Anakin’s shoulders stopped trembling.

“I can’t tell you what the right path is, Anakin. You have to decide that for yourself. The only advice I can give you is this question: do you love the Jedi?”

“What?” Anakin’s confusion was painted across his face in broad brushstrokes.

Qui-Gon smiled. “I asked if you loved the Jedi?”

“Of course! You’re my home, my family! How could I not?”

“Good.” Qui-Gon nodded. “Then you will remind yourself of the fact that you love your family and that your family loves you every day and every action you take will be in this knowledge. Do not act against this love in your heart, Anakin, and may it ease the burden on your mind.”

May it guide you well.

X

Obi-Wan’s hand trembled. He hardly had any control over his new appendage and it frustrated him to no end. He was a perfectionist at heart, had spent hours training his fine motor control to become a Master of his form. He tried to keep his breathing under control, to focus, and not let the pain overwhelm him. If not for his own sake and to resist the temptation of just throwing his lightsaber halfway across the room, then for Anakin.

His Padawan already felt so guilty for Obi-Wan’s injury, he didn’t want to make him feel worse.

He couldn’t stand the thought of looking at Anakin’s sad eyes.

“Rough night?”

Obi-Wan turned his head around to find Shmi standing at the entrance of the training hall. Her injuries had healed well during her stay with the Healers, only a few faint scars across her face and shoulders revealing what she had been through. She was dressed ready for battle, wearing the new armor the Jedi had been given. Obi-Wan had tried it on once and immediately wished he could message Satine and ask her whether he could borrow one of hers for the war. Mandalorian armor was so much more comfortable.

Not that he thought the Jedi should wear any at all.

“Are you shipping out?” he asked.

“Yes, Dooku asked for backup. Apparently, he’s been dealing with a Sith apprentice – a different one than the one you encountered on Geonosis – and intends to chase her down. Someone must take over his battalion. Since he dragged me back home from Tatooine, I’ll return the favor.”

“Take Anakin with you,” Obi-Wan heard himself say. “He needs to get out of the temple.”

“You haven’t talked yet,” Shmi stated, her tone not allowing for any disagreement.

“No,” Obi-Wan agreed. “And I don’t think Anakin will talk to me as long as he hasn’t gotten a proper break. So, please?”

Shmi studied him for a moment, then she sighed. “Alright, but the moment you’re fit for duty, he’s your Padawan again.”

Obi-Wan managed to crack a smile at that. “Of course, I’d never trade him for another.”

[nothisis-ridiculous]

Duplicity

An AU where Kaidan joins Cerberus for the events of ME2.

Chapter Nine: Of Explosions, Traps, and Thresher Maws

"Who did you blow to get access back?"

Mary looked up from the safety of the relatively stationary floor of the shuttle. This wasn't a day where the nausea meds worked to full effect, but she could suffer through a grin, "Illusive Man didn't appreciate Leng's interference with our mission."

"What a bosh'tet."

"You should still avoid him, if possible."

"Come on, Shep! Give me a reason to smear him against the cargo bay walls," Jack retorted with a smug grin.

Tali huffed, "I can take care of myself!"

Mary rubbed at her temples, focusing again on the grooves in the flooring, "we might be pushing it already."

"As I said," Jack sighed, "it's an empty facility. Since when did you give a fuck about what Cerberus thinks? Did you drink Cheerleader's kool-aid?"

"I jumped at the idea of blowing up this facility if my urgency was not noted," she retorted, "and only if it was cherry flavored. Unfortunately, it tastes like watered down orange."

"You're fucking weird."

"I'm sure someone likes orange flavoring."

"And they would be wrong, and besides, have you ever tasted orange?"

"That's beside the point, Shepard."

"Why is the bastard even here?" Jack interjected, becoming the voice of reason.

Mary puffed out her cheeks, "he was elusive about it. Leng mentioned something about a confidentiality breach. Tali, did you try and hack their systems?"

Tali shook her head, "if I did, they wouldn't have caught me."

Shepard grinned.

"Cerberus has the entire Normandy bugged, and not to mention that AI. I wouldn't do something like that without you knowing about it."

Mary nodded, "I thought so. If I wanted to get rid of those bugs, what would I need to do?"

Tali went silent.

"Way to ruin your plan," the biotic gently mocked.

"Who is Kai Leng to you?"

Jack leaned back in her seat with a growing scowl, "him and some Cerberus bitch tried to capture me. It didn't happen, but some mercs got me instead."

"That explains how you got to Purgatory," Mary murmured in response.

Jack shrugged, not interested in further explaining that particular defeat.

"Please be careful with him; even Miranda seemed spooked," she cautioned gently.

"Cerberus has really got you by the balls."

The blond flinched, "I'll have you know I ignored an urgent message from the Illusive Man to bring you here." It was a poor attempt at a deflection; everyone aboard the Normandy knew about her history with a certain crewmate. Worse was the presence of nearly every friend she had left in the galaxy. Most brought in by her. She had no doubts that the Collecter threat was overly sensationalized, but for the time being, it what her only option in stopping the threat. Anderson had seen the threat for himself, but whether or not he could help remained unknown partially because she was afraid of a formal admonishing.

"I forgot how much I hate this place."

~~~

"Shepard-- we caught a break."

Predictably, the break was a trap. Mary wasn't liking the new habit of trampling through her ship in armour fresh from a fight. Or how annoyingly composed the Illusive Man always was, even in her impromptu meeting, he was waiting with a cigarette and drink in hand. The bastard knew what he had done. Worse, he was ready for her to explode.

"In the meantime... I suggest you tell your crew I didn't risk their lives unnecessarily," whether or not the microscopic curl of his lip was imagined in the end, "it would make things easier going forward."

"I'll tell them the truth, screw this half-truth bullshit," Mary leaned back on her heel, folding her arms.

"Our reports missed the petulant child side of you," he took a long drag, flicking away the butt, "can't you see this was necessary."

"Not in the way you handled it."

His pupils narrowed as he stared at her, mouth kept in a thin line. Boldened by this slip, Mary pushed it, "you'll be lucky to have my crew after this."

"Who, exactly, is going to help you? The council already dismissed you once. The Alliance doesn't care about the humans in the Terminus Systems," his posture and blank expression returned, "unless you don't care about the abducted colonies and the Reaper threat anymore."

"Fuck you!"

He issued a long and drawn-out chuckle, "I expected better behavior from you, Shepard. Be an adult, and put aside your petty grievances. You need me to stop this threat."

The coldness pierced her heart first, spreading through her veins with incredible speed until it froze the tip of her fingers. The frigidity of her body forcing her face in a neutral expression, "Akuze was no petty grievance, you conniving prick."

She couldn't lose much more face, so stomping off without a pause was well within her wheelhouse.

"Mary?"

Kaidan knew that look, not that he had to be blocking her way to read it. The emotionless mask was there for only a select few emotions, and all urged him to reach out. Whatever it was, at least meant he wouldn't have to explain why he hovered around the briefing room. He stood his ground, allowing her the time to breathe before he attempted to pry it out of her. Eventually, her shoulders dropped for the briefest moment before squaring back up.

"Talk to me," Kaidan murmured gently, "what happened out there?"

Shepard's posture had corrected, but the mask had yet to fall. Moving him into unfamiliar territory, so he waited for her to speak. Timidly, slowly, placing his hand on her pauldron once the time elapsed into the space of no response.

"Shepard," he called.

First, her body lurched forward, he instinctively moved to pull her in, but the arm that reached around him corrected course and shoved him aside. Perhaps a little harshly, as his back met the metal wall of the hallway. Finally, the mask slipped, catching the moment her eyes filled with regret that morphed with the half-assed raising of her arms, "it was a trap."

Mary spun away to the right, sputtering another few choice words as Mordin collided with her across the opening doorway.

"Go get Grunt ready; we're headed to Tuchanka."

~~~

"You've had a lot more poker practice, Alenko," the turian mused in defeat.

"Back then, I was never invited," the biotic returned snidely.

"Only because Shepard took you everywhere," Tali added wistfully, "you were both so moony-eyed."

"Is that your excuse for always losing, Vakarian?" Kaidan grinned, fighting a bittersweet blush, "careful Tali, you'll start slipping."

"You were all formally crewmates?" Thane finally decided to speak from his corner of the mess hall table. His gaze lingered longer on the human. The other two were obviously connected to Shepard. His short time aboard the Normandy, he hardly saw the Commander and this man in the same room.

The human's next smile a little less forced, "yeah. With Joker at the helm. Those were crazy days."

"Much simpler times, just chasing a rogue spectre across the galaxy."

Tali hummed, "it felt more heroic back then."

"To hell with Cerberus," the man muttered.

Thane stood from his seat, this talk of the past making him feel further like a stranger in this group. Why Officer Alenko had invited him in the first place was a mystery, he hadn't attempted to speak with anyone. Not out of malice but out of desire. Shepard's words about him socializing with the crew to find meaning the sole reason he attempted this game.

The three looked up at him in unison.

"We can change the game."

"You can just stay and talk if you want."

"Look at you guys scaring away the new blood."

Thane glanced between the group; they were a good sort. He shrugged in an effort not to disappoint them, returning to his seat; he had little else of import to do.

"How about a game of go fish?"

The turian turned to the man, "isn't that a children's game?"

"I thought keeping your credits would be an enticing offer," Kaidan returned smugly.

"I already owe you a small fortune when you do decide to collect," the turian drawled, "might not be wise to encourage you to do so."

"I'm banking on interest too, Garrus."

"You would," Garrus chuckled, his eyes sweeping to the quarian, "but Tali, I've always wondered why your faceplate is tinted. Doesn't that distort your vision?"

"Garrus my e-"

Grunt barrelled by the table, taking the L2's attention with him. Adding biotics to the already large Krogan only increased his appetite, especially after a fight. The youngster looked pleased, settling down at the table with whatever was easiest to sweep into his arms—tearing into the still bagged loaf of bread sideways, the group watching with mixed reactions.

"Grunt," Tali was the first to scold, "you should be a little more careful."

"He's just a growing boy, Tali," Garrus replied.

The krogan looked up and around the table with a sheepish grin, "I am a boy no longer. I have passed the rite, and with my battle master, have defeated a thresher maw! You should be in awe!"

"That's no small feat-" Thane finding himself suddenly the chatty one.

"It was glorious! A worthy opponent. So big and in your face," Grunt continued to gloat through mouthfuls of bread and plastic.

"And Shepard?" the man dared to ask.

"The best battle master. Our enemies should be afraid!"

"Was she upset?" Tali pressed.

"No- she fought bravely."

Garrus was next to speak, "nothing odd?"

The krogan groaned, "she fought well. So well, she was too tired to speak."

Kaidan shuffled from his chair, hesitating as the turian and quarian took turns locking eyes with him, "am I supposed to sit here and do nothing?"

"I wouldn't test her patience."

Tali folded her arms, "what could you even do? Guilt trip her again?"

"Ouch," Kaidan flinched, running a hand through his hair, "I deserved that one."

Grunt looked around the table, cocking his head to the side. Thane went still, achieving a far better understanding of the situation than the confused krogan. Until Miranda, followed by Kai Leng burst from the second officer's office, both beelined for the elevator. Garrus, Tali, and Kaidan moved to intercept the pair.

"Out of our way," the Cerberus assassin seethed.

"Do you have a death wish?" Garrus tried to defuse him with humor and a well-intentioned claw on his shoulder. It did not work; the man's eyes only narrowed the anger held in his posture, doubling.

"Keep your dirty talons off of me, bird!"

Tali pulled Garrus back, allowing Kaidan to get in the way.

"That wasn't necessary," the biotic stated bluntly.

Leng rolled his eyes, "and neither is whatever fit Shepard is having in the elevator."

"So you're going to make it worse by demanding she stop?"

"Kaidan, we can't let her damage the ship," Miranda added gently.

"Yeah, I know," Kaidan sighed, rubbing at his temples, "but she won't. I don't think she will, anyway. It's her way of coping."

"By letting off biotic charges?"

"Yeah, I know, but has she damaged anything?"

EDI piqued up, "damage remains cosmetic."

Miranda placed her hands on her hips, "well, this is why we hired you, Alenko. Make her stop, or we'll be forced to act."

"Next time, a little warning after she's faced a Maw would help."

~~~

Riding through the elevator of the Normandy was an old pastime. Something about being crammed into a small space with blank walls let her think. About the good, about the bad, about anything that needed her consideration, really. She had spent hours in the old elevator; they moved much too quickly in the new ship. With more floors and staff came more distractions.

Usually, it involved much less biotic discharge, but this time that display kept the peace. The strain to keep it contained and from flaring too brightly occupied her mind pushed out the thing... the creature... that kept trying to wedge back in her mental space. Pulling it all back in, only characterized by a faint aura around her form, was another challenge. She kept her back to the person.

Ignoring it until the crinkling of a bag pulled her attention.

The opened bag revealing the light reddish-brown contents within, "I thought you might be hungry."

She looked Kaidan up and down, resting on his gentle gaze. Why was she so stubborn? Was he really so different? Did who he worked for matter? She couldn't pretend that all she saw of Cerberus was bad. She trusted Jacob- he had many of the same qualms she did about the organization but continued under their banner without compromising his morals. Her work was good fighting to protect the galaxy from the Reaper threat. Sure at the moment, it felt solely based on saving humans from the Collector threat, but they were only a tiny piece of the problem. She saw no shift in Kaidan, despite the things he had done after she passed. The same integrity, the same aggravating calm, the same compassion.

Perhaps she was unfair. What would she do to bring back the man she loved?

Huh, love was a funny feeling—a light but at the same time heavy notion.

Fuck this.

Fuck the forced distance.

If they were going to die, why waste what could be their last moments together?

"Kaidan."

Pushing the chips aside, she wriggled her way into his arms. A hand threaded through her still damp hair, his nose pressing into the top of her skull. The other arm supported the small of her back, cradling her in gently. Mary breathed in his familiar scent, no different than the man she knew two years ago. It was this easy. Some, but not all, of her worries faded into the background. She had missed physical comfort.

"Wrex was there," it was all she could offer.

Kaidan's chest rumbled, the patch pressed against her forehead an unwelcomed annoyance. A reminder. Hot and blinding, the logo was all she could focus on as it rubbed against her.

Maybe she was weak, but she could not separate the horror from the uniform.

He let her escape without a fuss, leaving him empty-handed.

[vansmaybeonthewall]

Hey. My lord I really need Cal Kestis in my life, so here is my request. Redaer is not jedi, but she's with the Mantis crew, maybe even before Cal. So she has this tension with Cal, not really knowing what he thinks about her, but she really likes him. So one day they go back to readers home planet, and there's some bad memories there. And that visit gets them together, confessing and all. Soooo angst and fluff. 😁 I hope this is okay.

Feelings and Memories

requested by: @badasseddy

PERFECTION, i love me some Cal Kestis.

Masterlist 

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Order 66. That one fateful day where most of the Jedi were massacred by their own army. The day that Y/N had to grow up in a matter of seconds. She was only 12, out with her parents in the market. She remembers seeing a Twi’lek Jedi General giving orders to her troops. The Republic fought hard to keep the planet from the Separatist’s grip and they were not about to lose it. It seemed to be going well.

Until Commander Vis received a message from the Emperor.

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“Come on Y/N, we have to pick up those flowers for Sydney. I promise we’ll come back for the ribbons later,” her mother compromised. 

Y/N was a rambunctious little girl and could hardly contain herself. Hearing that she would have to wait caused her to groan. 

“But mum, what if Henry runs out? The blue one sparkles, it SPARKLES! Everyone is going to buy one and I’ll be stuck with a pink one. And I know the blue one won’t be coming back for a while, not with the trade routes blocked.”

It had become a custom for the girls on Aargau to tie or braid ribbons into their hair. It had nothing to do with status or wealth, it was just plain fun. 

“Fine fine. You go over to Henry’s stand and then you meet me at the flower shop alright?” Y/N’s mother handed her the money and went off to finish her errand. It seemed to be a great day, Y/N got to spend time with her mother and she was going to get a new ribbon. 

Y/N finally understood why the girls at school talked about the new blue ribbon. It was soft like silk but shimmered like the stars were woven into it. It was so beautiful, Y/N’s mother had to understand why she needed to buy it now. 

Only, she wouldn’t get to.

The sound of blasters brought Y/N back to reality. She saw the Jedi deflecting the deadly beams that were coming from her own troops. It was only a matter of time before the shots became too overwhelming. The Jedi crumpled to the floor, signifying the last time the blue saber would be used for the good of the Republic.

It was time to run, it wasn’t safe anymore. Y/N knew something was wrong. Why would the clones just turn on their own General? What changed? Had the Separatists done something? What about the Jedi Order? With all these questions swirling in her mind, Y/N forgot about her mother.

Until she heard her mother’s pained voice calling for her. 

She ran in that direction but was stopped by someone. Someone who looked like a Padawan. 

“You have to leave, it isn’t safe here anymore.”

“But my mother is that way.”

The Padawan could see the fear in the young girl’s eyes. He wanted to help her, he really did, but the battle had only just begun. On the other hand, his Master had just died. Him being distracted by the different stalls in the market. He would be damned if he let anyone else die on his watch. 

“Okay, but we have to hurry. We don’t have much time before reinforcements arrive.” The Padawan dragged Y/N through the market, hiding from the clones that were still looking for him. Y/N noticed that the older boy now carried his Master’s lightsaber. 

“Y/N!”

The pair soon found Y/N’s mother, who lay hidden in the flower stall, blaster wound to the stomach.

“Mum!”

It was a sad sight for the Padawan. To see this young girl experience the war firsthand. He had seen it before, but the Council had always said to move on, that nothing else could be done. 

“Oh my darling Y/N, I’ve been looking for you. You’ve made me worried.”

Oh no, thought the Padawan. He knew that the mother did not have much time left with her daughter. 

“But mum-”

“Hush now dear. I have to be meeting your father soon. Now you listen closely, alright?

“O-okay.” Tears had started streaming down her face.

“My love you can’t stay here anymore. This may have been where we stayed, but it is no longer our home. Home is where you make it to be. And remember Y/N, I will always love you. I may not be with you like I should be, but I will be watching you alongside your father.”

“Are you always so wise?” Y/N asked, letting out a breathy laugh.

“Of course. Oh! I must be going, I see your father. See you soon darling.”

“Love you too mum.”

“I’m so sorry Y/N. But we have to go before they come back with more troops.” The Padawan broke the silence. 

“Right. Where are we going?”

“We have to get off this planet as soon as possible. Do you know of a safer place to stay? Until my ship comes back?”

“The forest, rarely anybody goes in there. But I’m not so sure anymore, your clones used to accompany some villagers to find resources. Everywhere else would be crawling with clones.”

“The forest it is then.”

The two set off, Y/N forced to leave her mother behind. They had safely reached the forest, staying off the main trails. But it wasn’t long until the Commander spotted his former partner. 

“Jedi!”

Two blades, one blue and one purple, were against a countless number of clones. Y/N was pushed to the ground and told to hide. There was nothing she could do but wait, wait for the Padawan to win or give up. The sounds of blaster fire ceased and Y/N soon found out why. 

The Padawan had lost. Hit twice, a shot to the chest and another to the shoulder. Y/N could only gasp, screaming would only allow them to be found faster. 

“No, no, no. Not you too. You have to be okay. Tell me you’re going to be okay.”

“You have to run.” He whispered.

“I’m sorry?”

“Run. Run far. Whoever was supposed to come for us is gone, I can feel it. But this war isn’t over, not for you.” The Padawan shifted, wincing in pain. He grabbed the two lightsabers, motioning for Y/N to take them.

“I-I can’t. Those belong to warriors, people who are brave and fight for others.”

“Which is why you should take them. I can see the fight in you, you’ll be a great warrior. These clones, whoever they are now, they don’t need a prize for killing us.”

Y/N silently agreed, taking the weapons from the boy. 

“Be strong. Trust in the force. You may not be like me, but it will guide you to the right place.” Y/N smiled through her tears, the boy deserving much more than this hero’s death. 

Y/N...

She took off running.

Y/N...

There must be ships that have yet to take off.

Y/N...

If only she could get there on time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Y/N!”

She woke up with a gasp. Cere was standing above her, a concerned look on her face.

“Are you alright?”

“Fine Cere.” She didn’t feel like being questioned at the moment. Thankfully, Cere accepted the answer, telling her that breakfast ready.

Y/N quickly made her way towards the table, not wanting to keep the rest of them waiting. Especially Cal. She really didn’t know how he felt about her. One day she woke up and poof. He was there. And he was perfect.

Only he was a Jedi and she was Y/N. 

“So what do you think Y/N?” 

“Hmm?” She had gotten so lost in her thoughts, she missed the rest of the crew forming the plan.

“There is something on Aargau we need. It’s hidden in the forest, but we’re not sure where.” Cere explained.

Y/N’s heart dropped. 

“Aargau? What could possibly be there? And what about the empire?” She wanted to steer clear of the place, but it was highly unlikely.

“Something changed there. The force is guiding us there. Something is calling us there.”

“More like someone.” Cal added. He noticed the way she tensed up, but didn’t know how to bring it up. 

“Right. Excuse me, but I have to go pack then.” Y/N rushed back towards her room, shutting the door. 

Why couldn’t she have one good day?

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Aargau was different. People still milled about in the markets, but the atmosphere was dreadful. No laughter was heard, no children ran by. All the happiness was sucked out the day the clones turned.

Greez stayed on the ship while Cere went looking for more supplies. Cal and Y/N were to head into the forest. Although, Cal wanted to take a look in the market place to see what little trinkets he could find. 

“What exactly are we looking for?” Standing in the market place hurt. It saddened her to see what it had become, but she expected nothing more.

“Nothing specific. It’s still early so I figured we look around before heading into the forest.” Y/N nodded, following behind Cal.

Y/N 

“Nope, no. Not happening.” She muttered to herself.

Y/N

She turned towards the voice to find no one there. 

“Told you Y/N. Nothing’s there. You’re just imagining things.”

“Are you okay?”

Cal had noticed her trailing behind, which he thought nothing of until he heard her muttering to herself.

“Ye-Yeah. Perfectly fine. Nothing’s wrong.”

“If you’re sure.” He gave Y/N a concerned look before turning around again. 

Y/N

She swore she saw a glimpse of a Jedi turning the corner. She did the one thing that came naturally to her, she followed. Which she soon regretted. 

Schoolgirls were crowding around a bright and colourful stall. Upon walking closer, Y/N realized what they were. 

Ribbons.

“You have to leave, it isn’t safe here anymore.”

“Oh my darling Y/N, I’ve been looking for you. You’ve made me worried.”

“Be strong. Trust in the force. You may not be like me, but it will guide you to the right place.”

A hand on her shoulder brought her back to reality. She hadn’t realized that tears were streaming down her face. Cal now stood next to her with a worried look on his face

“Are you alright? What happened?” No response.

“Y/N?” He gently grabbed her other shoulder, pulling her towards him. Bad idea. 

His hand brushed against the ribbon woven into her hair, forcing him into the past. And he saw everything.

Order 66. The Jedi. The Padawan. Her mother. The lightsabers. Sacrifices. Everything the blue ribbon saw, he saw too.

And he understood.

He understood why Y/N was closed off, why she tensed up when home and Jedi were brought up. 

Instead of stopping in the middle of the market, Cal dragged her into an alley.

“I’m sorry.” Y/N apologized, she knew that the Echoes could be rough. 

“Why are you apologizing? I brought us here.”

“I know, but I also know that you need to find something in the forest. It’s not your fault.” As much as she would like to leave the planet, she knew that Cere would want her to help Cal. “And we need to get going. I know that the locals aren’t keen with newcomers hanging around.”

“Y/N-”

“Look Cal, you have questions about me and my life, but you also have a mission that you cannot give up on.”

“We can’t-”

“You are not stopping this mission for me, okay? The last time I stopped I got everyone else killed, so please, finish what we came for first.” Y/N pleaded, sharing much more information than she wanted to. With that she turned away, walking out from the alley and towards the forest. And Cal had no choice but to follow. 

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The forest had been a place of danger when Y/N was younger, but now it seemed much more sinister. Barely any light came through the leaves. The feeling of sadness and pain lingered, perhaps from that Padawan long ago. The Force was guiding Cal towards a fallen tree, the significance of it? He didn’t know.

But Y/N did.

“Run. Run far. Whoever was supposed to come for us is gone, I can feel it. But this war isn’t over, not for you.”

“Of course the Force would bring me back here. It just loves my pain.” Y/n whispered to herself, but Cal heard anyway. 

“Wait, isn’t this one of-”

“The memories you saw? Yes. But I don’t understand why-”

The lightsabers.

Before she met the Mantis crew, Y/N had come back and buried the lightsabers. She had no way of contacting another Jedi so she took it upon herself to create some sort of memorial. It was the least she could do.

“There, right at the trunk. There should be two lightsabers. Ask questions later.”

“Which is why you should take them. I can see the fight in you, you’ll be a great warrior.”

They were beautiful, being buried in the ground for years didn’t change that. 

“How did you know they were here?”

“I’m the one who put them here.”

“But why? Why didn’t you keep them?” He felt angry in a way. A Jedi’s weapon was important, it was their life. 

“Because I got him killed! He tried to protect me and he got killed. I-I couldn’t keep it. So I came back here to honour what he did. Because he didn’t deserve to die the way he did. I did what I could! I had a rough life too! I got my mother killed for a stupid ribbon and got a Jedi killed for my mother.” She unwove the ribbon from her hair, leaving it a mess. “This stupid ribbon caused my life to go to hell but I wear it for him. He still had a braid, he never had the chance to become a Master. So I took it upon myself to keep a piece of him alive somehow, even if it hurt me!”

She sunk to the floor with the ribbon in hand. It no longer sparkled or shined. The blue had become a dull grey. 

“So I��m sorry. I’m sorry that I put them there.” Her eyes were burning, tears spilling out. Her face had become flushed due to the yelling.

Cal approached her slowly, setting himself down next to her. And he took her into his arms. It was nice. Y/N had been alone most of her life. Of course she had Cere and Greez, but she couldn’t tell them this. They already had a mission, her life story would only put more on their plate. 

“You aren’t alone Y/N, you have me.” Cal could sense the inner conflict she had. “You’ll always have me.”

Y/N looked up at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes.

“I will? But what if-” He silenced her with a kiss. 

“Always.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sun was setting, but the market was as crowded as ever.

Only Cal and Y/N walked together, their joined hands swinging between them.

“You know, you should get another ribbon. One that represents you.” Y/N had left her old one in the forest to symbolize her thanks to the Jedi Padawan. 

“I don’t know...”

“C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Cal pulled her towards the stall. The group of schoolgirls had died down, allowing the duo to maneuver easily.

The ribbons were just as beautiful. 

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

“Yeah.” She smiled because for the first time, she finally felt okay.

“Okay. Also I was thinking that a yellow or purple ribbon wo...”

Had he always looked this cute? He seemed so passionate about which ribbon was better. And that’s when she realized it.

She felt safer with him. She felt happy with him.

She felt home with him.

[fanficsforheartandsoul]

Anxiety | [Fem!Reader x Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Inspired by a post by @bluegalaxygirl​

Notes: This is brought to you by my social anxiety and my thirst for Obi-Wan Kenobi, yaaayy. Also, I have literally no clue how to write feelings.

Fandom: Star Wars

Warnings: Angst, Anxiety, Self-Doubt, Self-Conciousness, slight OOC, Fluff

Summary: Y/N has only recently become Obi-Wan’s padawan and she is struggling with her social anxiety and her relationship with her master, so she has a panic attack. Luckily, Obi-Wan himself comes for the rescue.

Word Count: 3868

© Fanficsforheartandsoul

________

She knew that her master would most likely disown her if he found out what she was doing right now. Obviously. Because emotions were prohibited. But she couldn’t control it. Not at all.

Y/N had always been alone. She didn’t join the order when she was an infant. She had lived for 13 years on her own on a small planet in the outer rim. She didn’t even know the name of the ice planet. The life in the tundras had been lonely but she felt comfortable. With the help of the force, she was able to survive just fine. Then the Jedi came.

Master Yoda brought her to Coruscant, introduced her to the council and decided that she should start to learn with the other younglings. 

The first mistake he made.

Y/N had never met any children, nor any group that consisted of more than 6 people. Having companions was new territory and being exposed to a huge amount of people for the first had caused her to lash out with the force. By accident, she not only hurt some younglings but also herself. The scars on her arms and left cheek would always remind her of that moment.

That’s when the wise Jedi grandmaster decided to teach her the basics himself. Alone. To help ease her agitation. It was a good idea. Y/N did approve after all. She studied the Jedi, learned the lightsaber forms, meditated. She was a good student, and Master Yoda was proud of her. But then the Clone Wars started and he had no time for teaching her anymore.

So he made his second mistake. 

He decided that it was time for her to become someone’s padawan. “Why can’t you be my master?”, she had asked him, her voice void of any emotion but not because she learned to properly follow the code. She had just learned how to hide them. His answer left her intestines churning and she was ready to shut herself in her room. But the Jedi obviously didn’t let her.

“Your new master, this is.”

And that’s how she got introduced to Obi-Wan Kenobi. A formidable Jedi with great patience and a humorous character. A kind soul.

From whom she was hiding right now.

Y/N had been his padawan for two months but she didn’t progress far. Her training went well, that was not the problem. Since they were alone when they meditated or trained. No, the problem was her social anxiety.

Meeting the clone troopers for the first time caused the panic attack she was having right now. They were supposed to have a meeting for an upcoming mission but Y/N ditched them. Not intentionally she’d like to say but that would be a lie.

She had already stood in front of the meeting room’s door but she couldn’t enter. Her legs felt like jelly. The padawan tried to calm herself but it was no use.

Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and she had trouble breathing. Her hands were clammy and she felt uncomfortable because she had broken out in a cold sweat. Footsteps were coming closer and she heard the voice of her Master from inside the room. A shaky breath escaped her lips and she whispered “I’m sorry” before she bolted.

She hid in her room. Not the best place of course, since he would probably search for her here, but there was no other place that calmed her down. Asides from Master Yoda’s side. But the council member was gone on a mission and he would probably also be disappointed if he found out about her panic attack.

Currently, she was leaning against her bathroom door and tried to meditate. But she couldn’t concentrate on her breathing because it felt like she was suffocating. “Don’t worry, Master Obi-Wan will understand”, she would tell herself but that only frightened her more. Because no way in hell would he understand! She had been living in the temple for 2 years but hadn’t met more than 8 people at the same time, not since the accident.

Every time Master Yoda tried to take her to one of the lessons with the younglings, her scars began to hurt. It wasn’t painful since she got used to it but it broke her concentration and seemingly also her spirit. Y/N couldn’t focus with the tingle that went up her arms and the force around her became unstable.

The same was happening now. She could feel it. The air around her felt heavy and made it hard for her to breathe.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

She choked the words and tried to hold back a sob from her throat. She wouldn’t cry, because she couldn’t. It wasn’t allowed. And the code was the only thing that stopped her from falling into misery. So she clenched her teeth and tried to stop whimpering.

But thoughts of her master finding her invaded her head and tears threatened to spill.

He would be disappointed. Y/N didn’t worry about him hating her, no. She wouldn’t mind that. But disappointing him was far worse.

She knew that Master Kenobi disliked the idea of having to train a new padawan shortly after Anakin Skywalker, especially during the times of a War. He never showed it of course. But somehow she could feel it. Maybe it was because she had always lived alone, only with the company of animals, who could show their emotions with the force. But she was able to feel to a greater extent than others apparently.

That’s how she knew. That he would most likely spare her a glance and then abandon her. It made sense. She was not fit for a Jedi after all. They were supposed to be the stars of the republic, the peacekeepers who helped every civilian. But this meant that they would be in the light. But her life wasn’t made for that.

She was always meant to stay in the shadows. Where the darkness was calming, reassuring.

Maybe she should just give up and leave. Going home, to her real home, on the unknown ice planet, seemed like a good idea. It was a welcome one.

Y/N didn’t realize how she spiraled deeper down in self-doubt and self-consciousness. But surprisingly she calmed down a little. The thought of returning to her house, that was actually an old transport ship, relaxed her muscles and she could breathe better again.

But then it hit her. She had no money. And in fact, she didn’t even know the exact location of her home planet. Master Yoda never told her. Maybe be knew that she would waver!

Dread fell over her and she let her head hang low. Maybe he never trusted her at all. And when he had enough he cast her aside and let another person take over the dead weight. How Obi-Wan Kenobi must suffer with her as a padawan.

Shame made her cheeks burn and the tears welled up again. But this time they spilled over. Y/N clenched and unclenched her fights slowly. Her fingernails dug into her palm and the pain distracted her from the salty tears that rushed down her cheeks. The scars on her left one throbbed.

Maybe, just maybe, if she curled up and stayed in that position, she would just fade into the darkness and everyone would forget her.

-

“Have you seen my padawan?”

Obi-Wan was currently walking back and forth in the meeting room, his hand thoughtlessly on his lightsaber while he worried about Y/N. He knew he didn’t give her enough attention and the guilt ate him alive but like Anakin assured him, he was busy with the war and her shyness wasn’t helping with that.

“Your padawan? You know we’ve never seen her face before”, teased Anakin and Ahsoka gave her master an annoyed look.

*No, but… A girl was standing before the meeting room when I arrived half an hour ago”, she replied and Obi-Wan immediately stood a little straighter.

“Did she have h/c hair? And a scarred left cheek?”

Ahsoka tilted her head and tried to remember. “I didn’t see her face but she had h/c hair, yes. But she walked off in a hurry so maybe it wasn’t her.”

Obi-Wan remembered how the young girl always stormed off after their lessons as if she was running from something. He was sure, the person Ahsoka saw, was his padawan.

Why did she walk away? He knew he told her that the meeting started at 1100. Did she forget something? That didn’t seem likely.

“I know your padawan isn’t here, General Kenobi, but we should start anyway. We cannot leave the senator waiting”, said Captain Rex and he nodded in defeat.

The meeting began and they discussed their strategy but Obi-Wan couldn’t quite focus. He remembered the first time he met Y/N. How her young eyes were strangely dull.

The girl was a little shy according to Yoda but he learned fast, that this comment had been an understatement. When they walked to their first training lesson she said nothing. No word left her lips and the Jedi had wondered if she disliked him.

But when they fought he realized that she was nervous. Her attacks were timid and had almost no force and he began to wonder if it was the right decision to say yes. After all, it was only an offer, Yoda didn’t order him to take Y/N as his padawan. He had to admit that he even doubted the grandmaster’s judgment a little. But the girl proved to him that she was a good student. Technically.

Her skills were sharp when she fought against a training droid, she used form four like Master Yoda which surprised him since it was an offensive style. But he never saw her do it when they fought against each other. He wanted to tell her that she could use Ataru but her apprehension also made him hesitate and he felt like he couldn’t talk freely to her. If he needed to be honest, it was a little uncomfortable.

It was strange that he had problems adapting to her but to be fair, Anakin had been completely different when he was her age. It wasn’t just because she started her training a few years later than him, it was also her character.

From what he had learned in the first month, Y/N liked to stay secluded and isolated herself from others at her age. She got embarrassed easily and he often felt like she was like a scared animal that would run away if he made a wrong move.

And there was something else. Sometimes the force would radiate from her. It was as if a pipe had been opened and all her feelings were flushed out through the force. He couldn’t explain why but he never told the Jedi council about her emotions. Obi-Wan told himself that they weren’t concerning but when he stood there in this meeting room with a bad feeling in his chest, he changed his mind.

“…ood, then let’s conclude this meeti-”

“Thank you, Anakin, I’ll see you later. Goodbye”

With these words, he walked out of the room.

As soon as the door closed behind him, he picked up the pace and decided to look for Y/N in her room. It was the only place that seemed to make sense for him. Hopefully, she would be there because if she wasn’t he wouldn’t know where else to look. This realization just showed how much he neglected her and shame and guilt made his heart heavy.

He decided that they needed to talk. It would be hypocritical to spill their emotions when they were supposed to not let themselves be swayed by them but this was about their relationship as student and teacher. He wanted to apologize from deep within his heart. Obi-Wan realized that he had been a bad master for her and he knew that it needed to change.

So he hurried to the south wing, where Y/N’s room was located. He walked up the stairs and as soon as his foot stepped on her floor, he paused.

The force felt weird on this level of the temple. Unease filled his chest and his hand found his lightsaber, since touching it always calmed him down.

His intuition told him the dread that filled the air had something to do with his padawan. He walked down the hallway and stopped before her door. The nameplate next to it was dark, which meant there were no lights on in the room. But he didn’t turn away. He could feel her presence through the force. She was here. And she was hurting.

Worry coursed through his veins and he knocked on the door.

“Y/N? Can we talk?”

He waited a few seconds but there was no response. He knocked again. This time louder.

“Y/N, please. I-”

Obi-Wan stopped and waited, hoping she would answer but the silence remained.

“I’m coming in, okay?”

He didn’t expect a response, so he wasn’t surprised when he didn’t get any. With the help of the force, he opened her door and stepped inside the room. Like the nameplate indicated, the lamps were off, but the big window let enough light inside for him to immediately see that she wasn’t here. She wasn’t laying in her bed, or sitting at the table studying, how he often found her when he was coming to pick her up for training. But the shift in the force was stronger than ever, so he knew she was here. The only place that was left, was the bathroom.

And not much to his surprise, its door was closed. He crossed the room and stopped before it. Now that he was standing so close, he was able to hear sniffles. The sound crushed his heart and he regretted listening to his former padawan so much.

Deep down he had known that what he was doing was badly hurting the young girl but he told himself it would be fine. He forgot how fragile and sensitive people were. Maybe the war had made him heartless. The anxiety he could feel through the force shook him to the core. He tried to steel his nerves but the emotions flowed through him and left his body numb.

“Y/N?”, he asked, his voice was soft.

He heard a breath hitch and the sniffles died down. She noticed him, now all she needed to do was talk to him.

-

Y/N almost died then and there.

He found her. Obviously. But she had hoped with the naive belief that he wouldn’t. She tried to suppress the sobs and quiet down but it felt impossible and honestly, she didn’t want to. There was a brief thought that she should just let it all out and show him how miserable he made her feel.

But the idea vanished as soon as it appeared. It wasn’t his fault. She was the one who was scared of other people, of interacting. It wasn’t normal, she wasn’t. He was just unfortunate enough to get paired with her.

“Leave me alone.”

Y/N only whispered it and it was almost inaudible but she was sure that he had heard her. He would definitely leave now. Leave her behind like her parents did, how master Yoda did, like everyone d-

“Let me in, Y/N. Please.”

Her heart missed a beat. Master Kenobi’s voice was soft and had a pleading undertone. She could sense genuine worry radiating from him through the force. Worry, guilt and also regret.

When she felt all these emotions, she couldn’t stop the sobs anymore. She pushed herself up and crawled away from the door. Maybe he sensed how she moved away, maybe he didn’t, but the door opened with the help of the force and she could see the blurry shape of her master standing in the doorway.

The light from the room shined in and outlined his features as if he was one of the republic’s posters coming alive. He looked like a savior. And the thought of him being that for her filled her heart with something she couldn’t describe.

He approached her and knelt in front of her. She could see his worried eyes through her tears and the warmth that radiated from his presence in the force. It felt familiar and surprisingly it made her feel like she was safe. Maybe she was allowed to cry some more. Maybe he allowed it until she calmed down and then he would just bring her to the counci-

“I won’t leave you alone anymore, Y/N. I’m sorry. I neglected my duties as your master and made you suffer.”

He held out his hand but paused as if he wanted her permission first to touch her. The padawan sniffled.

“I’m sorry.”

Obi-Wan saw that as a cue and lightly touched her shoulders. The moment when his fingers touched her robes felt like a storm abruptly stopped. She stared at him with wide eyes. He wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to apologize but she suddenly threw herself into his arms.

Y/N cried into her master’s beige robes and her hands were shaking while she hugged him but she didn’t care. She sensed it when he touched her. He genuinely wanted to help her, to ease her pain. And for her, who so desperately wanted somebody to understand her and lend her a hand, it meant the world.

The Jedi was stiff at first since it rarely happened that somebody threw themselves into his arms, but when he felt her shaking hands and how wet his robes got from her tears, he raised his hands and returned the hug. His left hand stroked her back while his right pressed her head closer to his chest.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Y/N.”

The moment was intimate but he didn’t mind. If he could calm her down this way, he would gladly continue until she didn’t need him to do it anymore. Her body slowly stopped trembling and the sobs died down. Her voice was raspy when she said:

“I’m sorry that I didn’t attend the meeting.”

A small laugh escaped Obi-Wan’s mouth. He ruffled her hair and smiled slightly.

“Why would you worry about that? I found you having a breakdown in your bathroom, I believe we have other priorities.”

She nodded and looked up at him. Her eyes were puffy and her cheeks slightly red from embarrassment. He let go of her and Y/N backed away until she sat leaning against the bathtub. He watched how she fiddled with her fingers, unsure of what to say.

Her Master then noticed that the force around them had calmed down. The anxiety was partly still there but it felt like an echo. Y/N then took a deep breath and said:

“I’m scared.”

He looked at her but he didn’t say anything, worried that she would stop before she even has properly begun to explain.

“I- I’m scared of people. I can’t really explain why but meeting a group is really stressful for me. It’s… uh… It’s like I feel like everybody’s looking at me and judging me and I can’t, can’t handle that well”, she started and avoided eye contact with him.

“I’ve always been alone and suddenly that changed and now everybody’s expecting me to hang out with all those people and there are so many clones and their feelings and emotions are all over the place, and I get all sweaty and I can’t prop-properly breath and it’s just… I don’t know… too much. It’s too much for me. I’m not used to be in the spotlight. I know that sounds arrogant because I know that not everyone is looking at me and watching every move I make but I just can’t stop from feeling like they do. And I’m feeling all this fear and anxiety and I can’t handle them knowing that what I’m doing is against the code and I feel like a failure, I am a failure and it’s… Maybe Master Yoda was wrong. Maybe he shouldn’t have brought me here.”

Y/N knew she was rambling and when she finally stopped to take a breather she looked up and watched her Master’s expression and when she saw his confusion, she regretted telling him.

“This… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, let’s just forge-”

“Do you feel the same with me?”

Master Kenobi’s question made her pause and when she searched his eyes for any disappointment or disdain she couldn’t find any. His words left her wondering. Was she feeling the same with him?

“No…”, it sounded unsure, but she didn’t add anything because she really wasn’t completely sure.

“Let me try to rephrase what you just said, okay?” She only nodded. “Am I correct when I say that you have anxiety when it comes to social interaction?” Again, he received only a nod.

Obi-Wan touched his beard and pondered over what he had just heard. Many things made sense now. Why Y/N was always studying alone, why she ate in her room instead of the cantina and why seemed like she was dying every time he saw her in a room with more than 3 people. But he still didn’t really understand why she had problems with that.

He searched her eyes and when she returned the eye contact he smiled softly and then said:

“I can’t really understand you, but”, he held up his hand when she tried to interrupt him, “I want to understand. And I want to help. I’m sure that the force will guide us both and I believe that, as master and padawan, together we can face your fear and ease it.”

Y/N leaned back, her shoulders relaxed and she let out a breathy laugh. Sneakily she wiped away a tear that threatened to spill again.

“That would be great… Master Kenobi.”

The Jedi’s smile widened and he put up his finger as if he wanted to warn her.

“I would prefer it if you call me Obi-Wan, at least in private.”

The padawan nodded and together they slowly stood up.

“Let’s try”, she added and her voice was quiet but he could hear the determined undertone.

“There is no try, padawan, only-”

“Do or do not, I know that one.”

He raised an eyebrow and then patted her shoulder smiling. It felt a little awkward but then her master interrupted the timid atmosphere:

“You said ‘their emotions are all over the place’. Does that mean you can sense feelings? To what extent?”

Y/N paused. Him speaking about her ability made her feel shy again.

“Uhm… I can tell what a person is feeling without concentrating too much. As long as I want to know, I can sense it clearly.”

Since the light was still not on in the bathroom and he turned away, she couldn’t see his expression but she felt embarrassment radiating from him. Maybe it was because of the moment they had just shared but she suddenly wanted to tease him.

Yet she didn’t. Not wanting to destroy the thin thread of a bond that they formed today.

[the8gates]

The Shadow Lengthens

Atsuko Kamiyama, a master of Genjutsu and a former trainer for Itachi Uchiha is left to care for Sasuke after the Uchiha Massacre. She soon finds herself in over her head with raising the young boy and navigating her love life at the same time. As things progress, and frankly get much worse, she will be left with several life altering decisions.

I'm writing this fic because I couldn't find anything else like it and ya know what they say, write what you want to read. Plan on sticking to canon as close as possible. I just wanted to provide Sasuke with a parental figure throughout the show and work out some kind of patchwork family in the process. Self-Indulgent 100% with lots of fluff in the beginning, angst, and some down and out trauma. Please let me know what you think!

Read Chapter 1 under the cut!

Chapter 1: An Early Meeting and A Heavy Request

They had sent Kakashi Hatake to retrieve her. Early in the morning, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, there was a knock at the door and, before she had much time to wake up, she was being escorted to the office of the Third Hokage.

As she attempted to rub her eyes to life with the palms her hands, they walked.

“So, why am I being summoned again?”

She asked through a yawn. Being up this early was never a good thing. The usually lively streets were still empty and, aside from the stray clank of pots and groans of floorboards, completely silent. The streetlights were still on, buzzing lightly and reminding her that they were in the purgatory of the day. There was a peacefulness in being up before the rest of the world had a chance to open their eyes. However, it also managed to feel like the loneliest time of day.

“They wouldn’t give me all the details but claimed it was urgent. I just returned from a mission or I wouldn’t be up either.”

Kakashi replied, clearly also uncomfortable by the situation. She didn’t know him well, but she did know he had a habit of being late. Showing up to meetings and training sessions sometimes hours late. For him to retrieve her immediately at the Hokage’s request? Something was definitely strange and, the more she thought about it, the more her stomach turned.

“Well, it better be pretty damn urgent to interrupt my beauty sleep.”

She scoffed, trying to lighten the mood and wake herself up a little. The man beside her let out a half chuckle and she smiled ahead in turn. She may not have known much about Kakashi but she had admired him from afar. He was always alone, nose in a book, walking leisurely with a single hand in his pocket. Quiet and reserved. Making him laugh, even if it was more like a release of air from his nose, was a win in her book.

They walked the rest of the way in silence. As they got closer to their destination, the sun rose and people began to filter out into the streets. The village began to thrum with life, ever so slightly, but steadily. She found that, by the time they reached the double doors to the Hokage’s office, she was also perking up.

Kakashi opened the door for her and she moved past him. In front of her sat the Third Hokage, Danzō Shimura, and the two elder advisors, Mitokado and Utatane. That wasn’t so strange. The part that made her nervous was that there were no other Shinobi. No Anbu like Danzō usually travelled with. No guards of any kind. Any of the calmness she had gathered during her quiet stroll with Kakashi was sapped from her in an instant.

The Hokage was the first to speak.

“Thank you, Kakashi. You may excuse yourself.”

With that, Kakashi gave a subtle bow and shut the door he had previously held open for her. She snapped her head back forward, looking at the council in front of her and raised an eyebrow.

“What’s this about?”

She asked, a tinge of apprehension in her voice. She was a shinobi, trained to keep her cool in any situation, but her palms were sweating.

“Please, have a seat.”

This time, it was Utatane who spoke. She did as she was told, taking a seat in the chair placed in the middle of the room, crossing her legs to keep from bouncing them. After a few beats of silence and awkward tension, the sound of lips parting in preparation was overwhelmingly loud. She turned her head in the direction of the noise.

“I suppose there is no easy way to say this. Last night, the entire Uchiha clan was wiped out.”

Danzō stated, as if he was unphased by the words he spoke. Her eyes widened, mouth dropping open and immediately looking to the Hokage and advisors for confirmation. Lord Hokage nodded, a solemn expression on his face. The entire clan… Sasuke... Itachi… her heart was pounding in her ears and she could feel her chest rising and falling rapidly. She moved her lips to form words… anything. A question. Something. Before she could manage a sound, Lord Hokage spoke up.

“We still don’t know much, but it seems like Itachi Uchiha was responsible for the attack and has since fled the village.”

Itachi? No. That wasn’t possible. He couldn't do something like that. No. Maybe the right phrasing is he wouldn’t do something like that. Still, her heart sank. She knew they weren’t lying to her.

“All of them?”

She asked, voice hoarse and mouth dry. Her eyes bounced between each person in front of her frantically.

“Sasuke Uchiha is the sole survivor.”

It was Danzō speaking again. Her hand came up to cover her open mouth, eyes squeezing shut in disbelief and anguish. If Sasuke truly was the only survivor… Itachi really must have done this. Why? Why would he slaughter his own clan and leave his younger brother the only survivor? It just didn’t make sense. Itachi was powerful, yes, but he was calm and wise well beyond his years. He never bragged about his abilities, even when he had every right to. He thought things through and was careful when he spoke. He wouldn’t just snap like that… She genuinely couldn’t understand what would cause him to do something like this. Except… defending the village and Sasuke. Those were his biggest motivations, clear to anyone who happened to look him in the eyes. Had the Uchiha clan done something to hurt Sasuke or the village? No… maybe she just didn’t know Itachi as well as she thought. Maybe he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, waiting for the right moment to strike and demonstrate the extent of his power… taking out an entire clan was incredible. Maybe that was his goal all along...

She realized her thoughts were racing and she was beginning to lose her cool. There would be time for that later, in the privacy of her own home. Now, she had to focus. She was called here for a reason. She took several deep breaths before removing her hand from her face, inhaling deeply through her nose and opening her eyes with the exhale. She had to keep it together, especially in the presence of the Hokage and the village elders. When she raised her head back up, she met the eyes of each person for a brief moment.

“Then, have I been called in to track down Itachi?”

She questioned. It was the only thing that made sense and was really the only thought she could grasp as her mind whirled with questions. She had trained Itachi in Genjutsu for several years. She knew him well and knew how to best counter his Sharingan. Surely he had already been declared a rogue ninja and they needed someone with intimate knowledge of his abilities to assist in recovering him. Her brain was working in high gear already, conceiving all of the places Itachi could have fled to and what his explanation for this would be when-

“No, that’s not why we have called you here.”

Her thoughts were interrupted by Lord Hokage. She realized she had unfocused her eyes as she was lost in thought. She snapped her eyes up to meet his, furrowing her brow.

“You think I’m involved?”

She questioned again, but even that sounded ridiculous. Lord Hokage shook his head and she was truly confused.

“Then why am I here?”

This meeting wasn’t just to break the news to her. They needed something from her. If they didn’t, she would have found out like everyone else. Grapevine gossip. What exactly was going on here?

“Sasuke Uchiha is the last remaining member of the Uchiha clan. He is young and especially vulnerable. We are unsure why Itachi left him as the only survivor when he struck down even his own parents. You trained Itachi in Genjutsu for a number of years and are well integrated in that family. We have called you here to let you know that, since he has no living relatives, Sasuke will be turned over to your care.”

Her eyes widened at the Hokage’s words. Turned over to her care? What exactly did that entail? Yes, she had trained Itachi for a number of years and she had known Sasuke since he was born but… she was never a guardian for Itachi. She was a teacher and family friend. That’s all.

“I don’t understand. Why me? What do you mean turned over to my care?”

“We selected you for several reasons. You have deep ties with their family thanks to your training of Itachi for the majority of his young life. You also have intimate knowledge of the Sharingan that most do not. We believe you can assist Sasuke in mastering his ability. Ensuring he can protect himself and, someday, rebuild his clan so the Sharingan trait doesn’t die out. Turn over to your care meaning you will become Sasuke’s caretaker and sensei from here out. This is considered an S-Rank mission that will be considered complete once Sasuke reaches Genin level.”

Lord Hokage finished, not giving her any particular look. Her brows still furrowed, she considered this heavily. It was strange how he started by tugging her heartstrings, playing on her connection to Sasuke and Itachi, then ended by advising her it was a mission. This meant it was not optional. He was making sure his bases were covered so she couldn’t deny or argue against this… mission. It still didn’t make sense. As far as she knew, the Hokage and the council were not particularly in charge of re-homing orphans. In fact, they were typically left to fend for themselves. Like Naruto Uzumaki. He was the last remaining member of his clan and the son of the Fourth Hokage. Yet she knew he had no guardian and was left to live alone his entire life. He was even the same age as Sasuke.

She directed her eyes back at the Third Hokage, brows still furrowed and eyes narrowed.

“And if I refuse?”

She was testing the waters with that question. There was something they weren’t telling her. This wasn’t just about concern over Sasuke’s wellbeing. All of her nervousness and sorrow was replaced with a deep skepticism.

“Unfortunately, that’s really not an option. You have been selected for this mission and it is one that must be fulfilled.”

Danzō stated. A thinly veiled threat that didn’t scare her much. She turned her distrusting face to him.

“So, even if I refuse, Sasuke will be placed with me. What if I leave the village or refuse to train him outright?”

More than testing the waters now. That was a full threat of insubordination. It’s not that she didn’t want to take in Sasuke. He was a sweet boy and, if Itachi was any indication, would grow up to be a powerful Shinobi. She was more so fishing for information. Trying to get them in a position to answer all her questions.

“If you are saying that you intend to leave the village to avoid a mission you have been assigned, then you will not make it out the doors of this office. You will be deemed a rogue Shinobi and arrested immediately.”

Danzō replied and she gave him a crooked grin, challenging him.

“You make the mistake of assuming that the person in front of you is nothing more than illusion. If I wished to leave the village without raising alarm, I would do so successfully.”

“Enough!”

Lord Hokage spoke up finally, clearly tired of the threats and animosity. She tore her eyes away from Danzō’s to focus back on the Hokage.

“I’ve heard enough. Miss Kamiyama, this mission is of the utmost importance and, to put it simply, you cannot refuse.”

Of course not. She wouldn’t have anyway. Maybe he was calling her bluff. With a sigh, she sat back in her chair, not realizing the exchange with Danzō had caused her to sit forward and uncross her legs. As she settled back into position, smoothing her hands down her pants, she spoke again.

“I apologize for the outburst, Lord Hokage. However, I still fail to see the logic behind this decision. On paper, yes, I would be the ideal candidate for caring for and training Sasuke. I just wonder why you and the council have suddenly started to care about the well-being of young orphans in this village.”

It was the Hokage’s turn to sigh.

“I’m not sure what you mean by that. We do everything we can to make sure the children in this village are safe and cared for-“

She interrupted him immediately.

“Naruto Uzumaki?”

“Just what are you suggesting?”

She rolled her eyes, a clear sign of insubordination and disrespect. At this point, they were essentially forcing her to raise a child. The least she could do is not give in without a fight.

“That boy has been alone since birth. He is left to his own devices and, because of the nine tails sealed inside him, is treated like dirt by just about everyone in this village. He was not appointed a guardian or trainer to help guide him when he is obviously in desperate need of one. So, why is Sasuke a special case?”

There was silence from the entire board. Check mate. The answer was, on paper and with the information they had presented her, Sasuke was not a special case. The defense that his Sharingan was to be protected fell apart when you compared it to a child with a demon sealed inside him being left alone his whole life. Whatever they weren’t telling her had to be detrimental to their case. As the silence started to become heavy, she spoke again.

“You are asking me to give away years of my life to raise a child who is not mine. While I care for Sasuke and want to see him succeed, I also value my own time and life. I believe I am owed compensation in the form of answers. If I don’t receive them, then I suppose you may as well label me a rogue Shinobi right along with Itachi.”

There was no malice in her voice this time. She was stating simple facts. If they didn’t provide her with the truth, she would recall the clone that sat in front of them and leave the village. Now, whether or not they called her bluff was up to them. Looking at the expressions they were sharing with one another, however, she doubted they would. Danzō being the one exception. He was stoic as ever, but his Chakra pulsed. Clearly agitated by her outright disrespect.

As this standoff continued, the sun had rose fully. She could hear the bustle of the village. People chattering. The floors in the halls outside of the Hokage’s office started to creak as Shinobi moved through. Children laughing… her heart ached against her wishes. The thought of Itachi… murdering his entire clan and of Sasuke, alone and probably terrified at this very moment. She was downplaying her relationship with them in her conversation with the Council. She cared for both Itachi and Sasuke deeply enough to give her life for them. Itachi was a brilliant student and a thoughtful, calm, boy. He had brought Sasuke along to more than half of their training sessions. He would sit on the sidelines and watch in awe of his older brother. Even offered to be placed under a Genjutsu several times when Itachi needed to practice. Whatever Itachi did in those Genjutsu’s always left Sasuke in a fit of boyish giggles. As her training with Itachi progressed, she was invited to dinner at the family home and their mother even tried to set her up on a couple dates with the of age Uchiha men… they had become like a family to her over the years. To think they were all dead by Itachi’s hand… her chest tightened and that physical reaction caused her to snap back to reality.

Thankfully, she hadn’t ducked her head this time while she was lost in thought. She was still staring straight ahead at the Hokage when he finally spoke and broke the silence.

“Fair enough, Miss Kamiyama. If you would like to know the truth as to why we are requesting this of you, I will give you the answers you seek.”

He said it like the words were being physically being pulled from him. The elder advisors exchanged a worried look but turned back to face her either way. She perked up, straightening her back, and nodded for him to continue.

“However, understand this. Once we have told you the truth, if you were to ever repeat a word of this to anyone it would cause many issues for the village. Even, perhaps, some kind of uprising. If you ever speak on this to anyone, we will deny the accusations and you will be imprisoned for the remainder of your life.”

After this warning, she nodded again. If he was trying to scare her it wasn’t working.

“Lord Hokage, I completely understand the repercussions. Rest assured, the information you provide me with today will not leave this room. I simply want to know what I’m agreeing to. That is all.”

She tried to sound as genuine as possible. She did mean what she said. There was never any intention of repeating what they told her. She wanted to know for her own sake. If they were going to ask this of her, the least they could do is tell her the truth. Others would likely take notice as well, but if she had all the answers, a lie would be easy to craft. Something with no holes to be pried open because she would know what bases to cover specifically. It really was the best option from a logical standpoint… with the added benefit of satiating her curiosity.

Lord Hokage nodded, seeming as satisfied with her answer as one could be in his situation.

“Very well. I shall tell you the true story.”

_______________________________________

The silence that followed the conclusion of Lord Hokage’s story seemed to stretch on for an eternity. She could feel her pulse, hammering, in every part of her body. Her throat, burning with the effort of holding back hot tears and everything she wanted to scream at them. Itachi had been forced to make a decision because of the sins of his elders. One of his final requests before leaving the village was that she take care of and train Sasuke and that, if this didn’t happen, he would tell the entire Shinobi world about what they had done. The Uchiha Clan and the council of the Hidden Leaf had placed a child in the middle of their power struggle and because of that…

How… disgusting.

Just when were the adults in this village going to be held responsible for any of their actions? The wars and the hatred they brought, bred into their children and passed on for generations. The cycle would never end… The Uchiha massacre was proof of that. If Sasuke were to never learn the truth, he would hate and seek vengeance against Itachi his entire life. That hatred would consume him. The quest for revenge was one she knew well. She had seen it rot many fine Shinobi from the inside out and, oftentimes, even once the vengeance had been served, it left them hollow. On the other hand, if Sasuke ever did find out the truth, he would seek vengeance against the Hidden Leaf for their manipulation of his brother. He would become exactly what they had tried to eradicate. This was the cycle of hatred. No escape. Predestined.

The strength it was taking for her to remain silent was making her nauseous. After a few more moments of soul sucking silence, she took a deep breath. Despite the anger and sorrow she felt, her mind fell silent. She couldn’t say she was shocked by the information. This was the way of the Shinobi world. Always kill or be killed, no peace or acceptance.

Finally, she gave a single nod of her head, making sure to speak evenly and not allowing her voice to waiver.

“Where is Sasuke?”

Her eyes fell on Lord Hokage again, full of detachment and disdain.

“He is still on the Uchiha clan property.”

She gave another curt nod and stood from her chair, turning her back to exit with no other words. Lord Hokage stopped her right as she grabbed the handle to the door.

“Again, Miss Kamiyama, you must not ever repeat a word of this to anyone. Including Sasuke. The consequences would be-“

She cut him off again, still not looking back, her voice raw from keeping her tongue in check for so long.

“You should not concern yourself. I will take this to my grave. I would be too embarrassed to utter a single word about what occurred.”

There were a few more beats of uncomfortable silence before she finally pushed the door open and made her way out into the hall, letting it swing shut behind her with a bang.

As she made her way to the stairs outside the Hokage Tower, she noticed Kakashi leaning against the railing with a book in his hand. He shut it quickly, taking in her stiff posture and eyes filled with nothing short of murderous intent. He spoke cautiously,

“I was asked to escort you back home as well.”

She shook her head, looking straight through him like he was no more than a mirage.

“That won’t be necessary.”

With that, her clone was recalled and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

As the Jutsu was undone, the clone's memories came flooding back. In an overload of information, she sat up straight in her bed with a gasp, barely making sense of it all. She threw the covers off and began pulling her clothes on at lightning speed. She could process everything else later, getting to Sasuke right now was priority number one. Rushing out through her bedroom window, she leaped across rooftops as quickly as possible.

As she arrived at the Uchiha clan archway, she noticed the police tape lines and moved over them. This time, she ran towards the only place Sasuke could be. The pathways that were usually so lively with clan members were empty and desolate. The smell of iron filled her nostrils and pools of dried blood littered the streets. Her head began to swim with thoughts of the kind boy she once knew, slaughtering his kin. Of Sasuke witnessing all of this carnage. Against her will, tears began to well in her eyes. She tried desperately to blink them away but her body wouldn’t allow it, they just kept coming.

When she finally reached Sasuke’s home, she called out for him.

“Sasuke!”

Despite her desperation, she opened the front door slowly, afraid of what she may find inside. Nothing in the foyer, no Sasuke and no blood. She called his name again inside the house, no response. Moving back outside to the rear of the house, her head whipped around, searching.

Then she saw him. Standing in a doorway with his back to her, head ducked down as he stared at the floor. She approached slowly so as not to frighten him.

“Sasuke…”

His head immediately shot up, whipping around to see who was behind him. His large, dark, eyes were spilling over with tears. His bottom lip trembled and her heart fully broke. Immediately, he broke into a sprint towards her, wiping at his eyes with small hands.

“Atsuko sensei!”

He cried, voice cracking. She dropped to her knees immediately as he reached her. He threw his arms around her neck and she drew him, an arm around his torso and her hand on the back of his head, holding him tightly to her chest. She squeezed her own, teary, eyes shut as he sobbed against her. The sound of his small voice as he cried filled her with so much pain she could hardly stand it. Tears ran down her cheeks as she tried desperately to regain some strength for him. Burying her nose in his hair and kissing the top of his head, she drew in a shaky breath. She turned her head back up and looked at the spot where he previously stood, finally seeing what he had been staring at. Two large, overlapping, bloodstains.

As hard as she tried to hold it in, a choked sob tore its way out of her throat. She held him tighter, finally letting her resolve go and crying into his hair.

“Oh Sasuke… I’m so sorry…”

She whispered, voice full of sorrow. This made the boy in her arms sob harder and she cursed herself internally. Here was another adult, crying in the arms of a child. With a couple sniffles and some deep breaths, she regained her composure. Rubbing Sasuke’s back softly, she gave him all the time he needed to be vulnerable. Allowing him to sob and scream and pound her chest with tiny fists. All the while making a silent vow to never, ever, see him hurt like this again. It tore her heart into pieces, seeing him like this. He was always such a happy child. Sweet and beautiful with his big curious eyes and unfiltered smile. Damn the Third Hokage. Damn Danzō. Damn the Uchiha Clan. Damn them all to hell for hurting this child.

They stayed this way for some time. Until Sasuke decided to pull away from her, wiping at his eyes and standing on his own two feet again. He stared down at the ground and she finally got a good look at him. His sleeve was torn and there was a cut on his upper arm. He was covered in dirt and specks of blood. Long tear stains ran down his cheeks, eyes puffy and red from crying. She reached out and wiped away some of the tears from his face with her sleeves and he finally looked up at her again. God his eyes… he’d aged over night.

She pushed past the gut wrenching ache that realization brought and gave him a sad smile, speaking softly and trying not to shock him.

“Sasuke… you’re gonna come stay with me for a while, if that’s alright?”

So many things had been decided for him in the past 24 hours. The least she could do was let him know he had a choice. If he didn’t want to come with her, she wouldn’t force him. Secrets of the Hidden Leaf be damned. Still, the boy nodded with a sniffle, wiping his nose with his shirt.

“C‘mon. Let’s get some of your things and I’ll take you home to get cleaned up…”

She stood slowly, leaning down to pick him up and hold him like before, his head buried in her neck. She walked back into the house and to his room, gathering clothes and other items and tossing them into a book bag one handed. She didn’t want to put him down. To force him to walk or look at his surroundings. He’d seen enough. Tossing the bag over her free shoulder, they left the house.

“We can come back if you want in a couple days if there’s anything… special you need.”

He sniffled again, nodding his head against her neck in response. With that, she started the trek back to her home. Or rather, their home.

Read the rest on AO3! This story is already 17 chapters long and I upload a new chapter every Friday! 

[silveryinkystar]

Two Houses (both alike in dignity)

Rating: Gen

Characters: CT-7567 | Rex, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker

Summary:

 [“Did you not just hear what those sleemos said?” Commander Skywalker’s voice was high, loud, and grating in all the ways that Rex couldn’t care for at the moment with his splitting headache. “How can you just let them say those things, it’s – it’s –”

“I don’t disagree with you, Padawan,” General Kenobi said softly, shifting slightly so that Cody’s armour wasn’t digging into his back, “but your anger is not going to help you right now.”]

--

Or; a lesson in controlling emotion, from a certain point of view (or few).

Jedi June Appreciation Event | Saturday, June 5: There is no emotion, there is peace.

[Read on Ao3]

“Did you not just hear what those sleemos said?” Commander Skywalker’s voice was high, loud, and grating in all the ways that Rex couldn’t care for at the moment with his splitting headache. “How can you just let them say those things, it’s – it’s –”

“I don’t disagree with you, Padawan,” General Kenobi said softly, shifting slightly so that Cody’s armour wasn’t digging into his back, “but your anger is not going to help you right now.”

“You – it’s like you don’t even care –”

“Have I given any impression of that when we actually have the time to care? My priority at the moment is to get our men to a safe location and call for a medevac. As much as those comments incensed me, I cannot allow myself to be distracted by my own feelings right now. Not when it’ll do more harm than good.”

Rex supposed that it was some Jedi philosophy that the General was quoting, but he could see the reasoning behind it too. Although he found it a bit surprising that Skywalker didn’t seem to agree. After a few more minutes of this back-and-forth exchange, General Kenobi sighed and ushered the Commander away for scouting duty.

“Nice move, sir,” he said dryly, wincing when his hastily splinted leg caught on a particularly large stone. Kenobi smiled and extended his hand, which Rex eyed warily.

“You should get some weight off that foot, Captain,” he said mildly, shifting Cody to a single shoulder. “And I can bear your weight without issues, since I’m currently uninjured.”

“General, with due respect, you’re already carrying Cody. Injured or not, it’ll tire you out quicker than supporting just one of us.”

But Kenobi simply quirked an eyebrow. “I know my limits, Rex, you needn’t worry about me. It shouldn’t be so far off, anyhow, Anakin doesn’t seem to be too distanced from us over our bond.”

Sighing, Rex relented – his leg did hurt like hell, and if they needed to get into action quickly, he couldn’t afford to worsen the injury pre-emptively. Kenobi held him to his side with ease, and matched his unsteady hopping at a comfortable pace that wouldn’t strain his other leg too. It couldn’t have been comfortable with both Cody’s and his armour digging into his shoulder, but the man barely showed any signs of it, not even complaining once the way his insufferable brothers might have done.

“I sense you’re deep in thought, Captain,” Kenobi invited lightly, looking for the world like he was simply taking a walk along the corridors of the Negotiator, rather than holding up the weights of two fully armoured, grown men, without breaking step.

“It’s just… what you said to the Commander, earlier. Was it from the Jedi Code?”

He hummed. “It was and it wasn’t. It’s technically only a part of our philosophy, but given our nature of influence on the communities around us – and our use of the Force, Jedi are usually trained to manage their emotions effectively from a very young age.”

“I see.” Though he wondered what it would mean for nat-borns to learn those techniques, especially since they weren’t bred for psychological (well, and physical) hardiness the way the clones were.  He mentioned as much to the General, who momentarily had a strange look on his face before it smoothed into the usual geniality he’d begun to find comfort in.

“We provide any psychological help we can, of course,” he explained bluntly. “A lot of Jedi go through traumatic events in their lifetime, and while it’s not a flawless system – sometimes the situation at hand means that there’s simply not enough time to process things until much, much later – it helps. And aside from trauma, we still offer counselling to anyone who seeks it. Even if it’s for gentle reassurance about things people may consider to be trivial, or for specific issues that Initiates and Padawans approach them for, or for serious conditions that need long-term help and therapy, we don’t turn them away.”

It sounded like an incredible system, to Rex. “I’ve heard stories about the kind of missions Jedi usually go on,” he said carefully, “and I get what you mean about the trauma. But do you have the sort of infrastructure and support available at the scale that the war is producing?”

He snuck a sidelong glance at Kenobi, who appeared to be openly stunned at the question. Rex’s heart sank; had nobody asked the Jedi how they were doing since the beginning of the war?

Granted, only the Jedi had ever asked after the well-being of their troopers (other than their brothers themselves), but it was surprising to Rex that the group of people committed towards helping the galaxy around them got such little thanks for it. He knew that they never did it for the gratitude, but used their “gifts from the Force” for good as was their mandate (something they genuinely loved following, which delighted his brothers to listen to them about), but to see the way they were treated almost completely reflect the way that clones themselves were treated was unsettling.

That a simple check-in based on what new knowledge he’d gained had surprised a member of the Council, a leading representative of the Order who would have interacted with enough dignitaries to actually be privy to the thanks the Jedi may get, was even more upsetting.

Rex wondered if this was what the Jedi usually felt whenever they saw brothers being mistreated, and while he filed his indignation away for later, he thought he understood why Skywalker had reacted the way he had, before Kenobi had sent him off on his errand.

“I’m not sure that we do,” Kenobi confessed quietly. “We’ll continue to do our best, of course. We won’t turn people away when they need all the help they can get. But we may have to reorganise our structure, which is… disheartening.”

Rex personally thought that it was a lot more than disheartening, but he’d keep that to himself and make plans with his brothers later. He suspected a lot of nights of brothers coaxing their Jedi to talk to them, wheedling their burdens away from them as much as they could and sharing them together. Cody was going to be impossible when he was healed enough to know any of this, but Rex wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Master!” Skywalker winced at his own volume when multiple soldiers around him flinched, apologising quickly under his breath. “There’s an… alcove? Some form of shelter nearby, it looks naturally formed – and there are a few cave systems close by which look abandoned, they’re probably safe for us to stay in while we wait.”

“Very good, Anakin. Did you check the systems for unfriendly inhabitants?”

“They’re completely clear, Master. There’s no sign of life in them, but there are signs that people have camped there previously. Ashes in a fire pit, and so on. But they don’t look recent.”

“I suspect those caves may be a traveller’s lounge, now,” he said wryly, and Rex snorted. “Lead us on our way, then, my apprentice.”

Skywalker nodded eagerly, before giving a few troopers directions and setting up a new purposeful pace. Rex grimaced when he realised that this meant speeding up, but somehow Kenobi managed to find a new pace between them that didn’t jostle his ankle too much even as they moved faster than before.

Soon enough, they’d slipped past the alcove into the cave systems and set up a steady watch cycle while moving off to provide more medical attention to the injured troops. The campaign had been hard on them all, and where brothers weren’t injured, they looked exhausted. Kenobi and Skywalker were among the few who looked like they would last longer than a few hours without immediately passing out, which he took to heart as a sign that the army had been wise to have the Jedi lead them instead of other nat-borns. Wolffe had vented to him about one of his older nat-born leaders who had managed to kriff up an entire mission to save his own skin, and that it was thanks to the crazy plans of Generals Koon and Fisto that they’d emerged alive, if not entirely whole, from that battlefield.

He’d emphasised the word “whole” too, indicating the massive bandage around his head where Ventress had sliced his eye out during her escape.

Skywalker had taken it up to himself to restart the old argument they’d had on the road while Kenobi helped Rex sit against the wall of the cave before gently setting Cody down and looking him over for specific injuries.

“Anakin, it’s not that I wouldn’t defend them, but my assessment of the situation meant that leaving quickly and ignoring the heckling was the best way to proceed. If I’d stood around and verbalised my defence of our men, I would have lost more men to injuries due to the time I would have wasted – yes, wasted, in relation to how quickly we managed to get them here!”

“You always say that we’re meant to defend others, to stand up for those who need us. And I’m not saying that they can’t do it, but…”

“Commander, permission to speak freely?”

Skywalker blinked when Rex spoke up directly, but nodded mutely.

“Permission granted,” Kenobi translated frankly, guessing that he wanted the verbal confirmation before he went for it.

“Thank you, sirs. General Kenobi’s right on this one. We appreciate your willingness to stand up for us, Commander, but at the time, it wasn’t what we needed. We needed a quick exit, and the situation may have gotten out of hand if we’d stayed and argued with them for longer. Even if we’d sent out a batch of scouts to find this place, we would have been stuck between waiting for a promise to help – one that would be uncertain, anyway – and trying to get people to that distance. As it is, a lot of the troops are close to critical condition.” He nodded at Cody’s prone form, and Kenobi’s look of concentration as he presumably stabilised his brother’s condition as best as he could without overtaxing himself.

“I thought you might say that you value a leader who sticks up for you,” Skywalker admitted. “Not that we won’t, but wouldn’t it be easier to trust us if you know that we’ll be your first line of defence without you needing to ask?”

“Pardon me, sir, but that sounds like banthash-”

��You make a fair point, Anakin,” Kenobi cut in smoothly with a heatless glare at Rex for his language. He fought back a snicker. “Actively, verbally making your allyship known to someone would bolster their confidence in you – but that’s in a situation where they’re safe enough to acknowledge and process it. Your anger is well-directed, my apprentice, and that is not what I find an issue with.”

“Sir, you’re not wrong that we appreciate you defending us,” Rex added carefully. “A lot of the men find it reassuring that you have our backs even off the battlefield. Especially the shinies, since the Kaminoans…”

Kenobi’s expression darkened a little, but he nodded encouragingly even as he carefully unwrapped Rex’s ankle. Rex hissed when the man felt around the break, but aside from a quick apology, all he received was the request to keep talking.

“But… on the battlefield, if we stuck around defending each other without paying attention to the bigger picture – ow – we’d all be dead in seconds. We’re trained to push those impulses away. Not that we have those coping mechanisms you Jedi talk about,” he added wryly, wincing when Kenobi re-wrapped the ankle in a fresh bacta-soaked bandage. Where he even found the bacta, he didn’t know, considering the General hadn’t moved from where he was kneeling before Rex the entire time.

Must be some Force nonsense, he thought to himself.

“So… how do you manage it?” Skywalker squatted down next to Kenobi, frowning at him. “As Jedi, we’re also taught to put aside our emotions, but…”

“It’s not so much about putting them aside as… well, I suppose Captain Rex would be able to help you here, a lot more than I could, given the way we each process things.”

Rex supposed that it had to do with how calm General Kenobi always was. Of course, the man felt things – he’d seen him determined, elated, exasperated and even downright irritated sometimes, but the depth of emotion he expressed outwardly was remarkably controlled. And for all that he felt emotions, they never quite seemed to be so intense, in the way he himself experienced his feelings. He was just good at setting them aside or using them as a drive for his actions.

“Well… that anger you showed earlier – it can be performative if it isn’t followed through. The men need affirmation that you’ll stick with them on and off the battlefield, so I’m not saying that you should stop defending us if that’s what you’ll continue to do anyway, but… we spend our whole lives justifying our right to live. On Kamino…” Kriff, he’s never said this to anyone before – a brother would understand, and whyever would a Jedi want to hear this–

But they did want to hear. And Rex, upon really thinking about it, found that he wanted to tell them.

“On Kamino,” he repeated slowly, “it was always something with the trainers. Not to mention the Kaminoans themselves. If we weren’t the best, certain… actions were taken. Please don’t ask me to get into specifics,” he added hurriedly when Skywalker started glowering, “but we’ve always had to put our success over ourselves. Not in the way that you Jedi prioritise a mission, but…”

“In an almost self-destructive manner,” Kenobi surmised, looking about as close to angry as Rex had ever seen him.

“Yessir. It’s kind of… habit, now, for us to channel our emotions into the battlefield – you’ll find a lot of brothers who refuse to voice their thoughts but let out their aggression in the field, because it’s the only way they’ve learned how. And by doing that, they learned that they can keep more of their brothers safe. So… when General Kenobi says that your anger isn’t helpful, it’s because it’s… reactionary? It resolves your emotions, but doesn’t really do much after that.”

Skywalker nodded slowly. “I think I get it now.”

“With anger,” General Kenobi said softly, “it’s purely, ah, performative, as Captain Rex put it. You can yell at someone for a while, toss them around if you’re that type of person, and sometimes it’ll give you short-term relief, but it doesn’t achieve anything good in the long run. But if you channelled all that anger into something else, let it go and focused on the next action rather than the reaction…”

“‘There is no emotion, there is peace’?” Skywalker quoted, and Kenobi nodded.

“Precisely, Padawan. Act with intention, with rational thought, not with emotion.”

“So I should just cast my feelings aside? I don’t think I could hold them off. I’ve tried.”

“Holding them off isn’t the goal, Anakin, but shifting your focus is. Think of it this way – Rex, you dual-wield blasters, right?”

Rex nodded, wondering where this was going.

“Which means you’d need to be aware of both of those weapons in the field – how they weigh, the recoil on them, and managing your aim with both hands.”

“Yes, sir. If I got careless, I’d shoot a brother, or either of you.”

“Which brings me to my point – while you were still in training, you would have had to do it all consciously, right? Think about each of those elements, get used to the weight of your blasters if you replaced them, figure out how you can do every one of those small checks faster and faster until they became instinct.”

He nodded again, catching on. “Act with intention until it’s instinct.”

“Precisely! Now, if you were to act too hastily based on an emotion, how do you think that would work?”

The reply is instantaneous. “I might misfire. Forget to check my gear, or my aim, or my hands may be too shaky. And if the shot goes wide, even if I don’t hit a brother or either of you, that means there’s one more droid in the battlefield that could kill us all at any point of time. It’s about them, not me.”

“You think of yourself as a part of a whole, and as a whole. And it’s usually the former that gains precedence here,” Kenobi completed, pleased. “Anakin, it’s not so much that your feelings are invalid or too strong in that they must be held off, but you must be aware that their strength does not consume your judgement in decision-making.”

The Commander bit his lip, but nodded. “Okay, Master.”

It wasn’t the best confirmation that he’d actually understood, but evidently Kenobi was satisfied, so Rex dropped it.

“I wasn’t expecting a philosophical discussion today, though,” the General murmured to him when Skywalker moved off to mingle with the other troopers – and probably to help, if their talk had been any indication. “Has it occurred to you that the theory that you often share about yourselves often mirrors what we learn as Jedi, if with different reasoning behind it?”

“Sir, Cody’s always said that the Jedi are the closest it gets to a nat-born understanding us clones,” he said bluntly. “And you’ve said that the reverse is true.”

“I suppose it’s why we work together so well,” he said, smiling up at him.

Rex couldn’t help but agree.

[kenobette]

Accidentally On Purpose: Obi-Wan x Reader

“It’s been hours, Obi-Wan. Don’t you think that the younglings would have made it out by now?”(Y/N)’s voice called out softly to General Kenobi, who sat back on his cloak, just a few feet away from her. 

His one eyelid peered open just enough for him to glance over at her nonchalantly as she broke the long withstanding silence. It had been hours that the two Jedi sat meditating on the icy ground directly across from the gargantuan mouth of Ilum’s Crystal Cave, which earlier that day, swallowed a huddled group of younglings. Obi-Wan and (Y/N) were selected for this mission by the council, because although it did not seem it, the task was highly delicate. 

Force-sensitive children were becoming increasingly difficult to come across, especially with the Sith constantly plotting to intercept retrieval of any such children. Given the current state in the Clone War, it was now more important than ever that the younglings already at the temple complete their training and become full-functioning Jedi. That led Obi-Wan and (Y/N) to where they resided in Ilum, waiting patiently outside of the cave as the children ventured into its depths in search of their kyber crystals. 

“Have faith in them, (Y/N). They may be young, but they are very capable and might just surprise you. Don’t forget, you were in their shoes once,” Obi-Wan replied calmly, his eyelid falling shut as he reverted to clearing his mind in meditation. (Y/N) exhaled shakily, partially from the cold but mostly due to her reserved anxiety. Another few hours passed. The pale sunlight continued to drift away, and gradually, night crept in.

“I do hope they’re alright,” (Y/N) muttered as she rummaged through the leather satchel she’d brought, its contents consisting of the basic necessities for the two of them in case they had happened to end up in the situation they were currently in. Obi-Wan now sat in a more slouched posture, and leaning back on his palm, glanced over his shoulder at (Y/N), who he could sense was an absolute ball of nerves. “I assure you, they are fine. I remember hearing of one batch who once took three days,” he spoke, and as he watched her eyes widen he quickly interjected his own statement, “Not that our younglings will, of course. I simply mean to point out that this is nothing out of the ordinary.”

(Y/N) narrowed her eyes at him for a moment, before rolling her eyes and returning her attention to the bag, which she then pulled a large sleeping bag like apparatus out of. Her hand shoved itself deeper into the satchel, feeling around for the second sleeping bag... and it then dawned upon her. She glanced over her shoulder towards Obi-Wan, clearing her throat shakily before speaking, “Kenobi, did you pack your bedroll in a separate bag?” Knowing her back was turned to him, the tiniest bit of a smirk tugged upward at the corner of his mouth. He replied cooly, “No, everything was placed into yours. What, is something missing?” 

(Y/N)’s eyes shut tightly and she cursed herself internally before turning and standing with the single sleeping bag between her arms, looking down at Obi-Wan. “There’s only one bedroll.” His eyebrows lifted, imitating a surprised expression perfectly. His hand met his chin and he sighed out, stroking his beard as his eyes searched the ground before meeting hers. “I suppose I’ll have to make sufficient use of my cloak for the night. You take the bedroll.” (Y/N) stuttered as she searched for words, sputtering out, “No! I mean, no...” She sighed, slapping her hand against her forehead as it then dragged down her cold-flushed cheek. “No, Obi-Wan. I am not going to let you freeze. I can’t go back to the temple without the younglings and you. I- We will just have to make do.” 

“Are you sure, (Y/N)? If you aren’t comfortable with such a thing, then I wouldn’t wish it,” Obi-Wan asked as he gazed upwards at her with large, understanding eyes speckled with a familiar hint of mischievousness. (Y/N)’s mouth tightened, her hand resting against her hip, “Really, Kenobi? After all we’ve been through, I’m probably a little too comfortable with you.” She then set away to unrolling the sleeping bag on the icy floor, smoothing out the edges and brushing the top off. “Ah yes, we can’t forget what happened on Naboo.” Obi-Wans comment made (Y/N) stop her movements abruptly to turn and glare at him, narrowing her eyes. Thank the stars the last flecks of sunlight were just then dissipating, or else the crimson tint to her cheeks would have been far more noticeable.

“Alright, let’s get settled before nightfall takes full effect and there isn’t a difference between us and the ice-covered statues in this place,” voiced (Y/N) hesitantly, plucking the cover to the sleeping sack open, kicking off her boots one by one, and sitting down on the fleecy inner side of the sleep-sack. She then looked to Obi-Wan, patting the downy cloth beside her, “I don’t bite, you know.” Her comment elicited a nervous chuckle from him as he stepped out of his unlaced boots, lowering himself onto the ground beside her. “I’d say I know, but honestly, sometimes I question it.”

(Y/N)’s face fell, and although it was now pitch black, she could sense Obi-Wan’s sly grin and she promptly smacked his arm. “Maybe I should’ve left you freeze.” She then reached downwards to seal up the sleeping bag until only their faces were exposed to the freezing air. Immediately, the two noticed how close in proximity they were, the tips of their noses mere inches from each other. Their fingertips brushed just barely against their torsos. Her curious eyes met his warm ones, sending a bittersweet chill down her spine. “Cold?” he whispered, his balmy breath fanning across her face. “No, I’ve truly never been warmer- of course I’m cold, wise one,” she whispered bitterly, a hearty chuckle Obi-Wan’s response as her breath tickled his beard. “Here, trust me.”

(Y/N) held her breath as his hand grazed across her waist and gently gripped the fabric of her tunic, his thumb pressing into her side as he pulled her flush against him in one steady movement. His other arm snaked to wrap itself around her shoulders, cradling her against his warm body. (Y/N) released her breath and exhaled contentedly as his heat radiated against her smaller frame, her hand enveloping itself in the folds of his robes for warmth. “Stars, you’re like an exhausted hyperdrive,” she muttered softly, allowing her eyelids to flutter shut. Obi-Wan laughed carefully, avoiding too much movement in fear of stirring (Y/N). “Sleep. We’ve got to be up in time for the younglings to return.” Her only response was a weak nuzzle into his chest, which made his heart tremble over its next beat. His lips pursed into a thin line and then relaxed as he sighed out slowly, leaning downward an inch to press a tender kiss to her forehead. 

Before he knew it, consciousness had evaded him as well.

the next day

Thumping. Far away, but (Y/N) sensed it through the ground.

Her eyelids peeled themselves open as her hand wriggled up from the depths of the sleeping bag to rub the sleep from her eyes. He was the first thing she saw. He was so peaceful, so serene. His face rested, his chapped lips parted just barely as his deep breaths fluctuated in time with the rising and falling of his chest. Against her, she could feel his steady heartbeat. Her fingertips grazed his forehead, gently nudging aside a few stray locks of his tousled hair.

“Um... Master (Y/L/N), are you alright?”

The voice appeared out of nowhere, startling (Y/N) to no end as she jolted and frantically rushed to free herself of Obi-Wan’s clutch and the sleep sack, tripping as she scrambled to her feet. “Why- I- yes-...,” she struggled to find words, quickly running her hands through her hair and clearing her throat as she composed herself best she could. A youngling stared up at her wide-eyed, before bursting into a grin that spread cheek-to-cheek. He practically threw his spread-open palm at her, waving it high in her face to proudly display the small, glinting crystal. “I found mine!”

“I- Congratulations Rix, it’s beautiful,” spoke softly, placing her hand on the young one’s shoulder. A voice came from over (Y/N)’s shoulder, “Yes, Rix. Beautiful.” 

She turned around, moving aside so the youngling could display his finding for the other Jedi, but when she did, his eyes were on her rather than the crystal. “Absolute wonder of the galaxy, isn’t it?” 

[zalrb]

Do you ever wonder how tvd may have looked or developed if Kevin hadn’t left at some point in season 3(I believe his only writing credit was for the first episode)? I feel like even in season 3 the show was still building. Just overall s1 had the distinct dark aesthetic with decent world building as it found footing, s2 was a little more established and developed but polished, s3 expanded the world while bringing back some of the dark vampyness.... and then *disaster*. I guess I just wonder if we could have gotten more witch/vampire/werewolf and angst and darkness(especially since Kevin has spoken about SE, and wanting Bonnie to finally master who she is in the finale, as if he had ideas of plot points to hit and end with). I feel like the universe expanded but Kevin would have dug deeper and tvd may have had more to give and build story wise. I often feel like we got half of what the story of the show was meant to be if that makes sense? And I know you talk about ending theories and such which made me think of this, but I just mean even season 4 with Katherine or even Damon, and the love triangle, and the originals, and KC/TC, SE, vampire Elena, and the supernatural lore in general...I feel there was room to grow and I wonder what that may have looked like with Kevin? I hope this makes sense as an ask (pulled a finals season all-nighter) and not just a ramble statement. 😅

Early seasons TVD were definitely the superior seasons of TVD and that’s a direct result of KW’s involvement but to be honest with you, the world building in seasons 1 and 2 are still incredibly superficial. There is a lot that KW and co started in those seasons that don’t get properly established:

when Stefan talks about desiccation as a form of punishment he mentions that it’s an ancient way, there could’ve been a lot more rules and history to vampirism

“I thought vampires were supposed to hate werewolves” “That’s a leftover idea from another time” except, like, Stefan you and Damon didn’t know werewolves existed until 9 episodes ago so this whole idea of a legacy of hatred that they want to escape feels ridiculous because it’s not like they became vampires understanding that they were supposed to hate werewolves, we’ve seen nothing that suggests that werewolves and vampires hate each other in the series except for the fact that the Lockwoods were minding their own business and Damon was Damon and started something. It’s not even like Jules came to town explaining the history of vampires and werewolves and why they hate each other or showing them like a member who was maimed because of a vampire. In Being Human, vampires legit call werewolves lesser beings.

I’m always kind of “ehhh” about TVD and humanity because it’s applied inconsistently and it’s characterized inconsistently because they conflate humanity with emotion

but this isn’t actually true, Damon spent over 100 years pining over Katherine and waiting for a comet to release her from the tomb, that’s feeling something. And in season 5 they retconned that he flipped his switch after leaving Enzo to burn and didn’t get a flicker of “humanity” until he saw Lexi in episode 8, which is why he killed her, which means without his humanity he was still in love with Katherine. That directly contradicts the above statement, then he goes on to say this:

which isn’t the same thing as having an instinct not to feel, it’s having no conscience or no sense of morality so that if you do something terrible you don’t care about the consequences.

And there are just questions like why exactly wouldn’t the council indoctrinate their children into hating vampires the way they did, what’s the point of having journals if they’re not going to be a part of your familial heritage, why would you start getting them ready at 16/17? In Ready Or Not (which is a great and fun horror movie) the children get involved in the hunt

The tomb vampires come back to get revenge on the descendants of the people who had tried to kill them but to be quite honest, with the exception of Stefan, Lexi and Pearl, vampires as threats is something that is frankly reasonable when we see what carnage they pile up so we need to see in a different way how fucked up it was that the council did that, like I’ve always said, have vampires be pillars of the town, have them be accepted and admired and then the town just turns on them and it’s vicious and cruel, like Kevin spoke about this stain on the town and on their history, this bloody, violent past and he doesn’t really do much with that and also that’s just a euphemism for enslavement when enslavement had already happened but anyway, so I suppose my point would be that things would be explored with Kevin deeper than they had been with Julie at the helm but I wouldn’t expect depth on its own.

[nadiaportia]

Ximena Rubalcaba

art by magician-of-the-lantern

The disgraced exile with a past she’d rather keep hidden.

Other bios: Sayelle | Deirdra | Heloisa | Cibela

Full name: Ximena María Magdalena de Rubalcaba y Saavedra

Meaning of name: 

Ximena: Basque variant of Simone, meaning “one who has heard”

María Magdalena: Spanish variant of Mary Magdalene, derived of “of Magdala”, a village whose name means “tower” in Old Hebrew

Family: 

Heloisa and Cibela de Rubalcaba: Ximena’s elder sisters, Heloisa by 6 and Cibela by 12 years. In her youth and early adulthood, due to being closer in age she spent more time with Heloisa than with Cibela, to whom she did look up though as a role model as well as Cibela being more introverted like her in contrast to the very extroverted Heloisa. Cibela was mostly absent during her childhood, whereas she and Heloisa spent most of their free time, and tutor-free time together.

Marisol de Rubalcaba (deceased): Her mother and the former Marquesa de Rubalcaba. Having immense favouritism for her firstborn, Marisol was rather distant towards her younger daughters but would try to be an affectionate mother towards them.

Valentín Saavedra (deceased): Ximena’s late father and a sea-faring merchant prince from the higher Cartagense bourgeoisie. Like his wife, Valentín favored his eldest daughter yet tried to encourage all of his daughters’ ambitions and work. Ximena is said to be similar to him in terms of personality.

Esmerelda de Rubalcaba: The matriarch in-all-but-name of the Rubalcaba family, Marisol’s older sister and Ximena’s aunt. Esmerelda is arguably the most central maternal figure in her life, even more than her own mother, and her primary tutor. She was the one who recognized Ximena’s affinity for magic and gave her vital support when she entered the Magician’s Guild.

Agustín de Rubalcaba: Esmerelda’s only son and Ximena’s cousin. A diplomat that wasn’t under his mother’s wing unlike his cousins, he is very affectionate towards Ximena and fulfills the role of an older brother for her as well as being her only connection to her family after her exile.

Segismundo: Ximena’s familiar whom she found in the rainforests of Northern Calpacia sometime after her exile as a hatchling and nursed him back to health. Their connection is deep and he is both trusting and protective of her.

Others: Constanza de Rubalcaba (maternal grand-mother, deceased), Cristobal de Rubalcaba (maternal uncle, deceased), Máximo de Otxoa (maternal grand-father, deceased), Jaime Saavedra (paternal uncle), Genoveva Saavedra (paternal aunt), Dulcinea Saavedra (paternal grand-mother, deceased), Leonardo Buendía (paternal grand-father), Catalina Saavedra (paternal grand-aunt), Aníbal Heßling de Cordovero (brother-in-law)

Nicknames: Xime (used by both friends and lovers), Ximenita (used by family, especially since she is the youngest among her generation), Marilena (exclusively used by her mother and her aunt)

Favourite meal: Tamales de pollo

Favourite drink: Cartagense liquor

Favourite flower: White Plumeria

Favourite color: Cerulean

Birthday: 20th of November

Age: 37 during the events of the game

Zodiac: Scorpio

MBTI: INTP

Patron Arcana: Death and the King of Cups

Upright: Death reaps that which has run its course, allowing new life to grow in the space left behind.

Reversed: Death turns his back on his duty, allowing things to fester and rot in his negligence.

Upright: The King of Cups is generous and compassionate, yet never allows his emotions to overwhelm his sense.

Reversed:  The King of Cups manipulates the emotions of others callously, twisting them to fit his own agenda.

Gender: Cis female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Height: 1,65 m // 5′4″

Appearance:

Ximena is of rather slender build. Her skin is medium brown with a warm undertone and she has a round face with a rounded chin. She has a beauty mark underneath the outer corner of her left eye and an upturned nose with a low bridge. Her eyes are a color similar to dark honey and she has full lips. Her eyebrows are thick and dark, groomed but not thinned, and she has bags underneath her eyes. Her black hair is long and curly with the occasional grey hair, especially near her temples. 

She usually wears golden hoop earrings and several golden rings on her fingers. She wears a bit of eyeliner and darkened lipstick.

She gives off the impression of being rather serene and after her exile purposely tries to change the way she spoke and held herself in order to appear less like an aristocrat and more like a commoner.

Visual Inspirations: Tessa Thompson and America Ferrera

Languages spoken: Calpacian, Prakran, Firenti, Karnasso, Galbradan, Hjallen, Nopali, Nevivish, Venterran, Oriolà, Zadithi and the Common Tongue

Magical abilities:

due to the Cartagense Magician’s Guild being rather pragmatic, she is not as versatile in her skills but honed those that she is good at so well that it makes her a master in the area

high intuition and good knowledge of people, to the point that she can feel when someone is lying to her

very perceptive and aware of her surroundings

fire-based offensive magic; used to replace her profound lack of physical combat skills

Love interests:

Out of the Main 6, while I mostly ship her with Lucio (since I am rewriting his route with her as the primary main character) and Asra (her ex), her dynamics with Nadia and Portia could leave the possibility for romance open.

Isidora: An OC of mine who was once very close friends with Xime as well as colleagues on whom she had eventually not unrequited feelings.

In general, like with most of my characters; if they’re compatible sexuality- as well as personality-wise, feel free to ship them with your OCs or MCs! Hit me up with a message and we can discuss the details! 

Backstory: 

Born into the influential aristocratic Rubalcaba family based in Cartagenth, the capital of the Calpacian Empire in the West, Ximena received an extensive education and since she had the most affinity to magic within her family, a vast tutoring in magic while her sisters were put on other carreer tracks. The Rubalcabas have had a presence ever since the founding of Cartagenth thanks to Fairuza, one of the city’s original founders, and then with Xochitl I., who was rumored to be the primary force behind the union of various kingdoms into what became Calpacia. They have centuries long history of being close to Calpacia’s sovereign, the Zaan, and involvement in politics, the military and on very rare occasions the Magician’s Guild of Cartagenth, where Ximena was meant to eventually become Head of the Guild and a vital instrument in the plans her aunt Esmerelda had for her, her sisters and the fate of all of Calpacia.

Mostly due to their riches, privilege and upbringing, the climate in Ximena’s family was a rather toxic one, with a centuries-old legacy hanging over them like a Damocles sword and envy, entitlement, jealously, sabotage and power struggles running rampant among them. Esmerelda’s desire to cement her family’s position and ensure their survival in the cut-throat environment in the Cartagense court as well as wanting to function as the driving force behind the pillars of powers saw her mercilessly using her family and to see them as little more than pawns to be utilized to achieve the desired goal. 

Being maneuvered like a puppet made Ximena resent her family; her sisters for refusing to lean against it or even relishing in it, her parents for tolerating this and her aunt for being a manipulative force of nature. The straw that broke the camel’s back occurred weeks before her coronation as Head of the Guild where a vision came to her during a reading and showed how she would use her magic and that of the Guild to help in fighting a total war against everyone who refused to kneel to Cartagense’s power, resulting in the deaths of countless people - and herself as one of those who were supposed to carry on this blood-stained legacy. The refusal to partake in such future atrocities and the secret reveal of plans by the War Council to actually provoke a conflict and throw the country into total warfare caused Ximena to have her status as noblewoman taken from her and be banished from Cartagenth… or clean up her act, beg for forgiveness and mercy from her family and have the chance to correct her mistakes. That choice presented by her aunt in a final confrontation was refused and so Ximena, once a lady, now a nobody, fled Cartagenth.

Having to pretend to be a commoner was difficult at first but soon became a necessity, as well as having to adopt a different identity to make it beyond the Calpacian borders. Meeting her familiar and having someone in whom to confide absolutely everything was a much needed outlet for her, and some years her only constant companions were Segismundo, for whom she would’ve laid down her life, and the fear of being discovered by Calpacian spies even outside of the empire. She met Asra when contemplating to escape to Hjalle and from there on to the eastern countries beyond Nevivon and continue to live her life in anonymity, but decided to return with him to Vesuvia, a city of which she knew Calpacia fostered no diplomatic relations with. Her relationship with Asra at some point transcended mere friendship but even when that ended, they always remained amicable with each other and arguably the most important person in each other’s lives. The building in which Asra and she eventually opened as their ship was a gift from Agustín who was the only person from her old life Ximena ever contacted through magical and untraceable means. In Vesuvia, she also met magician and professional medium Sayelle bint Zahir from the city state of Bizatena at the Eastern Coast, and another exile from their respective home country, Deirdra Margalit of Calpacia’s neighboring kingdom Oriol.

She died from the Red Plague at the age of 34 while trying help Julian, with whom she had common friends, to find a cure for the illness that had already claimed thousands within the city. The efforts of those close to her did little in preventing her passing, and yet she woke up a year later with no memory of her previous life, her friends and the bond to her familiar being severed beyond repair.

More art:

feat. Heloisa by @missrabbitart​ | full post

feat. Lucio by @cherrygirl666​ | full post including the uncut nsfw version

[egedgeger]

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