#and for those who find it difficult to transition from a self-critical mindset to one that's more compassionate and nonjudgmental

[crescentfool]

beaming everyone on the dashh with good brain day vibes!!! i hope that you all can remember to extend self-compassion to yourself whenever you're feeling down about something 💙

[comicaurora]

Do you find questions about lroe and logistics annoying? How do you draw the line between 'thinking the story is cool and wanting to know how something works' and 'trying to poke holes in the story to feel better about themselves'?

TLDR: It doesn't annoy me, but I do ignore anything that I don't think would produce an interesting answer. There is no line, but I do have thoughts.

I think a lot of media analysis and criticism centers on an invisible variable that is often overlooked, and that variable is "what standard are we holding this story to?"

Media criticism often described as "bad faith" tends to hold stories to standards like real-world physics, shot continuity or other small-scale and potentially irrelevant metrics that have nothing to do with the story's plot, morals, stated goals or overall themes, and will instead - as you put it - poke holes in the story in an apparent attempt to feel smart or score points. This criticism isn't asking how well the story is succeeding at telling itself, it's finding things to complain about by whatever metric is most convenient for that.

This isn't limited to media criticism. In fact, it's the same underlying structure behind almost all forms of bullying. There is nobody perfect enough to be completely uncriticizable, and there is no story that cannot be picked apart with an uncharitable enough angle. If your goal is to pick something or someone apart, you can always find a reason. And a story that's perfect from one angle can be shredded a hundred different ways from a million other angles.

I'm sure I've talked about this before, but one difficulty people encounter when writing any form of representation, for instance, is the existence of opposing stereotypes. If you write a female lead who's demure and gentle, she's playing to a feminine stereotype - that's a criticism point. If you write one who's brash and strong, oopsies, you're tacitly indicating that she can't be a protagonist without ditching her traditionally feminine qualities, thus indicating those qualities are bad! Criticism point. No matter what kind of character you write, you can be criticized for the stereotypes they fulfill and criticized for the stereotypes they defy. There is no way to write a character who cannot be criticized, and it's especially visible for characters in heavily stereotyped demographics.

And there are forms of representation or allegory that work for one thing but are terrible if interpreted as something else, once again producing angles of attack that you can be criticized for. Suppose you have a character whose arc is fundamentally about learning to accept themselves for who they are rather than changing themselves for the approval of others. This can be read as a positive and self-affirming arc for all sorts of identities, but if you reach, you can also read this as advocating against things like transitioning. And on the flip side, if you tell a story about someone changing themselves to be happy, it can be read as a toxic message for people struggling to accept themselves for who they are.

Because of this, it is impossible to write any sort of story that cannot be criticized, and it is unhelpful to act like a story that can be criticized is automatically in some way deficient or morally bad. If you find the right angle, anything can be criticized or deemed problematic in completely legitimate ways. Not enough of this, too much of that, what we got wasn't what I wanted, etc etc.

"Can I find a reason to criticize this" is an unhelpful and often unpleasant mindset. The answer is always yes, but it has the twofold impact of making the permacritic rather unpleasant to talk to (constant negative reinforcement will do that, see the "bullying" thing above) and making it very difficult for the permacritic to actually engage with media in any sort of helpful way. This school of criticism does not ask "what standard should I be holding this media to?" Without controlling for that variable, the criticism is just a lot of complaining.

When criticizing, I think it's very important to maintain focus on that question of the standard you're holding the story to, and the underlying corollary, "what is the story trying to be - and is it succeeding?"

I've seen media criticism that boils down to "this is not the story I wanted it to be." Valuable information, but not a helpful criticism to level at the story itself. Rather than taking the story at face value and judging it on its own merits, it holds it to the standard of a different story. This is where you get things like fix-it fanfics where people change the story to fit what they wanted to see. While I don't have a personal objection to this - fans can do what they want, and if someone wants to see a specific story I think one of the best things they can do is realize that and make that story - I think I'd personally steer clear of it. One of the joys of consuming media is seeing stories I'd never personally be able to think of, and holding all those stories to the standards of my own limited creativity feels like a good way to guarantee that I never grow and improve as a writer.

But if we hold a story to the standards of itself, there's still plenty of criticism to be had! And this is, I think, where valuable criticism lies. If we can figure out what a story is trying to do, we can determine how well it succeeds or fails. If a character is supposed to be overwhelmed with grief but the performance feels shallow and poor, that gives us a solid point of criticism - the story is failing to convince us of its own point, "this character is sad." If a fight scene is supposed to be frenetic and brutal but the editing is so frantic that we can't make out any of the coherent movement, the cinematography is disrupting our ability to buy that this is a serious, perilous fight scene.

This is why I think authorial intent is a very valuable factor in criticism. It isn't the only factor, but it gives us something very solid to measure against. When we're asking "what is the story trying to do?" and we find a comprehensive, clear answer to that, we can follow up with our subjective judgment "how well did it do that, and how and why?" This is the kind of vivisection that tells us how the story is really put together and lets us learn from it.

Without the question "what is the story trying to do," all our criticism is completely unhelpful from an artistic perspective. Does it matter that a scene doesn't conform to the laws of physics? Only if the scene is supposed to conform to the laws of physics! Does it matter if a background prop moves between takes? Only if the prop is important! What lessons can we learn from scattershot complaining that aims to find something wrong with every single frame of a story? We learn nothing, because even if every single "error" was "fixed", this school of criticism could find the exact same number of problems on a second pass. Any artist could tell you that perfection is unattainable and a work can always be criticized. The only people who think "I found something wrong" is an exceptionally clever observation are generally not artists, and typically don't volunteer helpful feedback for artists.

So to get back to your actual question, I think it's pretty easy to tell when someone is approaching your story from a place of affection or curiosity and when someone's just looking to score points off you or take out their personal frustrations on the closest target. There's no hard line because the difference isn't in the critical process, it's in the underlying approach. A bad-faith criticism can stumble on a solid point once in a while, but the critic still won't gain or give anything valuable from the experience. They're just racking up points.

[b1acksh33p999]

September 2023 🔮✨

🔥Aries: This month is going to put a focus on matters of the heart! With September starting out with the transit moon conjunct with your natal Sun, it’s likely you will find yourself more focused on what really matters to you starting day one. By the Harvest moon on the 29th in Aries, this will prove to be the completion of the cycle started from the beginning of this month. Many Aries will be putting work in to achieve the goals they really care about this month! My advice to you is to allow your emotions a voice when formulating what exactly you want to spend your energy trying to accomplish this month, and let your passion speak for you!

⛰️Taurus: This month is going to push you to break out of your comfort zone! With transit Jupiter starting the month in a critical conjunction to your natal Sun on the 1st, and Jupiter starting its retrograde on the 4th; get ready for a month that’s going to push you to your limit with change. The general theme is simple: are you who you really say you are? With the possibility of surprises, and/or misunderstandings around every corner, most Taurus’s will feel called to look inwardly and be sure that they are living as their most authentic self. This introspection is a blessing in disguise. The energy this month is calling for you to rise up to the occasion of arriving as your highest self, unapologetically. My advice this month is to take any confrontation, misunderstandings, or challenges as an opportunity to learn more about yourself; to understand you are not someone’s opinion of you, and stand strong in your beliefs. You have always known yourself better than anyone else, don’t let clouded judgment or controversy change that! Those who are meant to appreciate you, will take the time to get to know you. Love every part of who you are!

🌬️Gemini: This month will have you feeling left out socially, and caught up in the details surrounding every aspect of your current lifestyle. With Mercury in Virgo transiting retrograde until the 15th, I recommend double checking all details, especially when in reference to documentation, work, health, and scheduling. After Mercury ends her retrograde, the energy shift will help support a more natural approach for Gemini energy without so much misunderstanding, or delay. Many Gemini’s may find themselves reconnecting with an old friend, or family member. Any newfound connections nourished during this month are meant to help you understand what you find difficult to confront about either your past, or personal behavior. Many Gemini’s may also receive some level of closure on a personal matter this month. My advice to you is to listen to your instincts, and let your heart guide you. The universe is attempting to give you a second chance at something you lost, don’t let it slip away.

🌊Cancer: This month is going to have you feeling lucky, and optimistic! With Vesta's shift from Gemini to Cancer, you will naturally feel more comforting and caring from the inside, out! Emotionally, you will feel more generous and open to change. This shift in mindset will bring blessings that seem to drop from the sky for you! Some Cancers may even find luck comes in the form of financial uplift! If properly aligned these opportunities will seem to naturally fall from the heavens, which will make you feel like you’ve finally made it through the war and found peace. The truth is that the war isn’t over yet Cancer- there is still work to be done, and by the harvest moon on the 29th you will recognize the progress you made while being able to objectively see where you are headed with a much more peaceful yet practical outlook. Enjoy the boost in positivity this month, and keep up the good work!

🔥Leo: This month is going to have you reflecting on how much you’ve changed this summer! With Venus retrograde in Leo starting to move directly on the 4th, the first half of the month will be reflecting on your summer, and the experiences you had. All Leo’s have made some kind of big change this summer whether it be in their appearance, mental health, career, communication, or in their love lives. With these changes will come the pride and joy of knowing what they worked hard to accomplish! If properly aligned, most of this month will feel nostalgic! Finally a time to rejoice in what you’ve manifested coming into fruition. Enjoy this victory while you can, for there is another test hidden in the shadows of the harvest moon September 29th; checking in on how much focus you put on the choices of others. Don’t forget what Venus Rx taught you- this life experience you wake up to daily is your personal narrative, which is the only thing that you can really control. Instead of getting upset- look for loyalty in the naturalness of free will in others’ actions, and surround yourself with your people. You know what you bring to the table, now it’s time to embrace the power in being an independent leader. Lead by example.

⛰️Virgo: This month will have you triple checking everything, and still finding misunderstandings or delays. With Mercury in Virgo retrograding until the 15th, this troubling energy will not last long! However, my advice to you this month is to make sure you have all details squared away when it comes to anything related to business, career, legal, or health care. With Jupiter in a favorable aspect to your natal Sun, the ability to maximize your income is not only apparent but the universe is pushing to bless you with prosperity and financial expansion. Make sure you’re putting the work in to get your desired outcome, and don’t be lazy!

🌬️Libra: Get ready to stand out for all the best reasons! This month’s trends include happiness within the self, paired with intuitive actions that align with the best self. Many Libra’s may notice an increase in exercise and behaviors that improve their own lives. Practical choices, finally living as the self they manifested for years. Receiving karmic debt from your previous steady payment. Some surprises may be in store- drama, past trying to come back in to knock you down, or shake your newfound strength. My advice to you this month is to stand strong in who you’ve evolved into, and if it’s authentic then nothing can shake your foundation in the long run. Shine bright unapologetically, with or without support of public opinion.

🌊Scorpio: This month may have you feeling more sensitive, and in touch with your emotions than ever before! With the Neptune opposition to the transit Sun falling on September 19th, joined with the moon and Ceres in conjunction with your natal Sun: you will be gifted with impeccable foresight combined with heightened empathy. This combination will help guide you to make decisions this month based on feeling more than fact, however with the universal trends for Scorpio this month that’s exactly what you need to get down to the core of what you really want to manifest right now. My advice to you this month is put any excess energy back into the relationships that really matter to you, this will not only help deepen the bonds in your life but it will help guide you to your greater purpose. Keep searching for the answers, you’re closer now than you’ve ever been to the life you always wanted!

🔥Sagittarius: This month is going to force you to confront some of your past demons, and make the changes necessary to take back control! In some way all Sagittarius’s may find themselves looking back on the past year and realizing how much they have invested in habits, or things that serve a purpose; yet aren't serving your highest self. This hiccup is what has been holding them back, and this month is going to press you to do something about it! Avoidance would be the easiest way of self sabotage for Sagittarius this September, specifically in regards to their finances. Don’t let pessimism stop you from getting back on track! The universe is willing to bless hard work, and growth associated with what areas you’re investing in this month. With Jupiter going retrograde in a hard quincunx aspect to your natal sun this will cause tension when you try to continue past forms of how you’d make money or build security. In order to maximize and unlock the ability to be truly financially prosperous during this period, you must learn to adapt an entirely new, more fixed way of looking at security. Get ready to learn a lot of valuable information this month, and keep your eye on the prize!

⛰️Capricorn: This month’s trends will require you to take charge of a personal situation. This can present in various ways but, for each Capricorn, this will push you into action in some manner, forcing change from the inside out. A major focus is on Sep 30th when Mercury, Mars, Uranus, and Juno all meet in 22°, which is ruled by Capricorn; whatever is released on this day, has to be let go to leave room for the debt that will soon be repaid. My advice to you is to have faith in the new and different, and release the ways you used to deal with things. That old way of managing no longer serves you. It’s time to change your ways.

🌬️Aquarius: This month's trends will have you working on adaptability, and change. Being different is easy and natural for you, however jumping outside of your comfort zone can have a direct effect on your mood and level of interest in being involved. This month will call for you to work on that! With Uranus in retrograde, and starting the month in an Aquarius ruled degree- it’s important to tackle your fixed mentality, and emotional involvement in all areas of life. Be wary of gossip this month- what you say will come back to haunt you so make sure you’re thinking before you speak, and practicing what you preach!

🌊Pisces: This month has all of the potential to be one of the best months in the year for you Pisces! Pay close attention to dreams, and conversations you have especially at the beginning of the month; there’s a reason for everything happening exactly as it is. Pay close attention to what happens on the 19th, and who you come into contact with added to intuitively picking up on your personal trends. And, use the harvest moon on the 29th to reflect back on what you learned about yourself this month. The universe is trying to give you the opportunity to flourish in a way that’s long term sustainable. This may present in the form of a financial boost, a romantic partner, or possible travel opportunities. First, you must rid yourself of something that no longer serves you. Your mentality is the only true limitation you have- once you allow the loss you’ve experienced to ignite your faith in what’s to come instead of limiting what you believe you’ll receive, then truly anything can be manifested at this time for you. You will get the life you feel you are worthy of receiving. Pay close attention to your reactions to obstacles. These hiccups might be exactly what’s holding your energy back. You’ve survived the worst thing that’s ever happened to you before; nothing can limit you more than giving up.

[adhd-adept]

I have self diagnosed adhd and i was wondering if you could provide some advice regarding reading. I used to be able to just pick up a book and read when i was younger, but now that I'm older it's a bit difficult to just pick up a book and read for the sake of reading. I love reading, but i just can't seem to motivate myself to.

Any advice? I'd really love to get back into reading, but I'm trying to find a way to do it easier

Hello! I’m sorry this took me so long to answer, I’ve been mostly off Tumblr for a little while. I saw this some time ago at 3AM and thought “this deserves a more coherent response than I can give right now” and then forgot that this blog existed for several days.

That said, I absolutely have some advice for reading! I was a big reader as a kid, too, and I’ve recently had to re-discover reading after a long gap in any time spent sitting down with an honest-to-goodness book. There are a number of things you might consider!

DISTRACTIONS

First and foremost, recognize the reason it is difficult to read! For me, it is because reading isn’t the most interesting thing available. That doesn’t mean I don’t love reading! If I can manage to sit down and read a book, it is immensely satisfying - but it’s the satisfaction of the effort you put into something paying off. My favorite hobbies - drawing, writing, reading - are my favorite because of that sense of accomplishment that they give me. 

I love the feeling of holding a book and watching my bookmark move through the pages each time I set it down. However, it doesn’t give me the same instant gratification of reading wikipedia, or tvtropes, or scrolling Tumblr, or checking notifications on social media; even when I am unsatisfied, or even frustrated, with the internet, it can be very hard to put down. I know that people will tell you all the time “You need to put your phone down more!!” It gets old. But they have a point. What people don’t tell you is how to do that. 

For me, that tends to be about making it inconvenient for myself to get online, or do whatever is distracting me. This doesn’t necessarily mean making it completely unavailable. The distraction just needs to be less available than the task I want to do. I am the kind of person who gets online out of muscle memory, and then gets stuck there. Thus, many of my tricks rely on disrupting the muscle memory that lets you pick up distractions. I will put my laptop charger in another room, so that my screen time is limited to its battery life. I might tie a string around my laptop, or tape it closed, so when I go to open it I will be reminded “Oh yeah, I don’t want to do this right now.” I will occasionally rearrange the apps on my phone, so when I try to open Instagram and end up with the weather app instead, the thought of “wait, how did i get here” will snap me out of the thoughtless habits that led me to pick up my phone in the first place. I’ve even gone so far as to tape my phone to the ceiling. Whatever works.

If the weather permits, I might also walk a little ways down the block and find somewhere to sit and read. This can come with its own distractions, but it gets me away from my laptop, and I get a tiny bit more exercise and sunshine than I would have otherwise! This depends, of course, on whether you have transportation and whether you feel safe. But getting yourself out of the house can be a great way to get away from the things that would otherwise draw you away from reading. If you have a local cafe or library that permits you to sit and stay, those are also great options! I will bring my phone when I leave the house, but I might put it at the bottom of my bag, or put a bit of scotch tape over the power button, so that I have my phone in case of emergency but it’s just slightly inconvenient to get to without thinking about it.

It may not be the internet distracting you. But whatever the distraction is, it doesn’t need to be less compelling than reading. It just needs to be less readily available than your book is!

ENTHUSIASM

Another thing that prevents me from reading is that it often doesn’t have the same sense of urgency that other tasks might, whether that urgency is real or not. Give yourself a time limit! I may own books I haven’t read yet, but I will get to a book sooner if I have borrowed it from the library, because I know there is a deadline to return it! 

You can also get other people involved. If you have a friend who wants to read the same book, commit to a chapter or two a week and then call to discuss it. 

Or, if you have a friend who would be interested, and you are comfortable with your reading voice, you could read to someone! It might feel weird to offer, but you’d be surprised how many people really do enjoy being read to. If you both have time in your schedules, you could try to set up a regular call to get through a few chapters at a time. 

Generally, having a friend who likes the book is great for maintaining enthusiasm, even if they’re not reading it with you - I get to books faster if someone with similar taste says “This is one of my favorites! You would love it!” If you have a friend who has read the book you plan on reading, announce to them that you intend on reading it. Their enthusiasm might help you feel more compelled to read it, and there’s a good chance that if you don’t sit down and read it, they will remind you by asking “Have you read it yet? What do you think?” the next time you talk to them.

PREPARATION

Another great way to make reading easier is to set up a reading space beforehand. It’s one thing to pick up a book and say “I’ve been meaning to read this.” It’s another thing to put on some pajama pants, make a cup of tea, and curl a soft blanket around your shoulders before you settle down to read. For one thing, it’s just nice. But more importantly, it can function as a signal that tells your brain “it is Reading Time now. We are in the Reading Zone.”

Do you ever watch a TV show or listen to a podcast, and you let the theme song play on the first episode, and then skip it for the rest? Even if I’ve watched a show before, I will play the theme song on the first episode I watch that day. It’s the same principle - it serves as a transition, an intro that says “this is where I am now, and this is what I’m doing.” Give yourself an intro for reading! Have a certain spot that you like to sit when you read. Have a certain snack you eat beforehand.

I have all kinds of tasks with little “rituals” before them that help me focus on that task, or certain items that I interact with which I associate with it. I call them “declarations of intent,” and once I’ve made a declaration it’s easier to commit to it. Sometimes that means simply saying out loud, “I am going to do the laundry now.” Sometimes it means I wear a certain shirt if I’m planning to go for a walk that day, or drink from a certain mug at breakfast if I want to get some homework done. I have a specific hat that I put on when I want to write a certain character. Try to find something you can do to act as a cue that says “When I do this, then I will read a book.” Because of this, it can help to really lean into whatever the “aesthetic” of reading is, in your mind. Embrace a reading atmosphere!

It may also help to recognize that reading is something you can work your way up to! There is no shame in being out of practice with a hobby. I took my reading proficiency for granted for a long time because it was just a part of my life. It may help to think of reading as a skill! Start with something smaller and work your way up. Pick up a book of short stories or folktales before you tackle that six-book series you’ve heard good things about! Set achievable goals for yourself when you’re setting out. An early success can make a huge difference to morale, and it’s much better to start “too easy” and accomplish something than to jump in at the deep end and be frustrated by an early setback.

FORGIVENESS

On the topic of working your way up to things, I would like to say a word about mindset. It is easy to feel self-critical about things. Things that you think should come more easily to you. Things that you feel like you have no reason not to be able to do. One of the biggest things I’ve done for my ADHD is recognizing that there is always a reason why I behave a certain way. Accepting that allows me to actually address my struggles, rather than just feeling ashamed of them. I’ve had to accept that I won’t always do things that I set out to do the way I set out to do them.

I bring this up because not all of my advice here may work for you. In fact, some of it doesn’t work for me every time - a technique may work once, but I might fail to make a regular habit of it. I may make a regular habit of something, only to have it become less effective as the novelty of it, or my enthusiasm for it, wears off. I may eventually talk myself out of implementing an effective strategy because there is some part of it that I find unpleasant; or an intentional unpleasantness I once found motivating may eventually become intolerable.

That’s okay. I’m telling you now, it’s okay if that happens. It’s okay if the first method you try doesn’t work. Don’t set yourself up to feel frustrated. If you become frustrated, take a step back. If you borrow a library book and you still haven’t read it by the due date, just give it back. If you don’t actually enjoy the first book you pick up, put it down and try a different one. If you feel badly about not reading something your friend wants you to read, be honest and tell them you have a hard time sitting down, and that you don’t want to disappoint them if they keep asking, but that you will let them know once you have started it!

It can be easy to convince myself that feeling badly about something means it’s important to me, and that maybe if I feel bad about not doing something, it  motivate me to do it. There is a balance between making commitments, and not committing to anything that is just going to distress me. Sometimes there is a benefit to a sense of pressure, but I have to recognize when the pressure I create turns into frustration. That’s a fine line to walk! For all I speak of inconveniencing yourself, or holding yourself accountable, your strategies should ultimately feel satisfying, and show results fairly quickly! You may not see immediate results, but if it has been several days and your strategy isn’t working out, change tactics! And the moment you feel apologetic or ashamed about the thing you are trying to do, drop that strategy. Again, this can be easier said than done, but it is so worthwhile to learn how to allow yourself to “give up” on things that aren’t actually helping you, without feeling like you’re giving up entirely.

You want to get back into reading again because you want to enjoy reading again. If you set it up to feel like homework, or a chore, or an obligation, you may make it more difficult for yourself! Getting back into reading is about focusing on what you love about reading.

And hey, I’m always happy to help! I do only check Tumblr every couple weeks right now, but I’ll do what I can to be supportive. If you’ve tried these suggestions and they don’t work out, no worries! Everyone is different, and it’s no insult to me if things that work for me don’t work for you. But feel free to reach out again, let me know anything you have learned about how you function best in the meantime, and we can reevaluate your strategies!

I hope that helps! Happy reading!

[beautheexpositor]

My Nerdy Best friends

I wrote an essay for one of my writing classes on something that changed my life, and for me it was about critical role. Here is an abridged version, because I feel like it could resonate or help a lot of people struggling how I have.

When everything is dark, sometimes it’s hard to find a light. For me, the light came from a very unexpected and seemingly trivial place, the show Critical Role. Now, it may seem like just a silly show where “a bunch of nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons,” but for me and so many other people, it has been a life saving experience (Mercer). It entered my life at just the right time, and helped my brother and me more than we could have ever imagined.

To understand my position at a life changing point, it’s also important to know that my brother, Nate, is the person who introduced me to Critical Role. My brother is 6 years older than me, an absolute dork, a kind and loving person, and severely agoraphobic. Over six years ago, he got in a serious car accident on his way to move into college that stopped him in his tracks. He had always had anxiety, but the accident left him more afraid than before. He stopped driving, which eventually turned into him stopping going out, which eventually turned into him not even stepping foot into the dangerous world. His only way of communication with others for the last six years has been video games, social media, chat rooms, and Twitch streams. As his anxiety got worse, it was harder for him to survive. Aside from the friends he had made online, he had nothing, and felt like a failure. Getting better seemed out of the question for a long time, and there were many times when we worried we’d lose him. Him finding Critical Role helped him find new friends, many of whom understood his situation more than the friends he’d had before. Some even started to come over and spend time with him. He got so excited about it, and spread the word to me.

Around six months ago, I got out of the second of back to back long term relationships. While this relationship had been overall healthy, the one before it was not. My ex girlfriend was emotionally manipulative and very controlling, and she had taken a lot from me. She stomped out any ounce of self expression I had, so long as it didn't fit her image of what her S/O should be. I stopped drawing, watching cartoons, playing Dungeons and Dragons, and anything else that she teased or mocked me for. Starting my next relationship immediately after one that damaged me so heavily didn’t allow me time to grow or readjust to who I was, so I continued the unhealthy mindset of living fully for another person. During my second relationship, my new girlfriend and my brother both attempted to get me back into the things I used to love, but it was a difficult transition to make when I didn’t know who I was. It took a long time for any of it to seem possible, and that all started with watching and listening to shows again. When the second break up happened, I felt shattered and empty. Unsure how I was going to put the pieces of myself together again, I reached out to my family and the friends I still had, and I dove myself back into the world of fantasy and whimsy that I had spent too long avoiding.

I was alone in an all new city, with most of my old friends many miles away. I was recovering from a pretty serious and life threatening disease, worrying about the bills and repercussions, and unable to talk to the person I had kept by my side for so long. On days when I couldn’t move, or days when I had nothing to do, escapism was the only way I knew how to deal with the depression and anxiety I was feeling. Without escapism, I only had my thoughts- and those thoughts were telling me I shouldn't even be alive. To silence those thoughts on the bad days, I started watching campaign one on top of my weekly episodes with the Mighty Nein. I started posting about it on social media, and even started drawing again. It allowed me to meet new people, and brought my closer to my brother than I had been in over five years.

What started as escapism became genuine passion for something. Passion for drawing, cosplay, passion for gaming and writing. When I would have days where I felt hopeless, and considered the darkest possibilities for the first time in years, I would turn on episodes, or interviews with the cast. It made me feel surrounded by friends, even if I had never met them. The theme song in the new introduction opens up with the line “The adventure begins, we were always beside you. Your nerdy best friends, and the DM to guide you,” and those lines really resonated with me (Riegel Bailey et al). These people may not know me, but they are my friends. They saved me on multiple occasions from sleepless nights, or days alone in bed with my pain- whether those be physical or emotional. Not only that, but they also allowed me to meet new people. A group of wonderful fans and supporters called the Critters. Never in my life have I been in a group as supportive and enthusiastic to reach out and help others than the critters. Through this show, I got a new group of friends to play Tabletop Games with in Chicago. Through this show, I’ve met groups of cosplayers to go to conventions with and take photos with. Through this show, I’ve met fellow artists who have encouraged me to keep drawing, even if I felt behind. Through this show, I’ve rekindled a relationship with my brother after years of feeling somewhat estranged. Through this show, I've found a family. Later on, it would even be a key factor in Nate going to get help and conquer his agoraphobia.

The things that change our lives can come in many forms. They can appear in the form of a person, a song, a moment, an opportunity, or something totally and completely unexpected. For me, it was Critical Role. If this show hadn’t entered my life, I’m not sure where I would be. Quite honestly, I’m not even sure I’d be alive. Certainly, I wouldn’t being drawing, interacting, writing, and cosplaying again. Our own identity is so important, and I lost that completely because of the circumstances I fell into. Critical Role gave me hope. It gave me a place to go, and a way to hone my creativity and passion. And I know I’m not the only one. I’ve met hundreds of critters who share similar stories, whose lives were changed greatly because of those 8 nerdy voice actors. It may seem trivial or insignificant to those who don’t understand, but without it I wouldn’t be the person I am. My brother wouldn’t have sought out help, I would have never gotten close to him again, I wouldn’t have had a creative outlet, I wouldn’t have started playing D&D again. This show has allowed me to be myself again; that’s about as life changing as it gets.

TLDR: After an unhealthy, manipulative relationship I lost a lot of my identity. My brother was also going through very tough shit, including severe agoraphobia. He found and introduced me to critical role right before I went through another huge breakup and the beginnings of recovery from many severe physical illnesses. The show saved me, and helped me find new friends and passions that have gotten me back into the things I loved before everything happened. The show kept me alive, and the amazing other people who enjoy it helped me find friends and believe in myself. Thanks Critical Role, and the wonderful other people who enjoy it.

If you're struggling through any of the things I mentioned, or anything at all- whether that be money, depression, anxiety, lack of creativity, abuse, sexuality or gender identity, stress, or whatever else, know there is always a place where you can find home. I found it here, and there's always room for more critters! Don't give up hope, don't quit your passions, always find what brings you joy and cling to it. Life is short and happiness is hard to find in dark places, but I promise there's a place for you. 💙 -K

[dweemeister]

Joker (2019)

On March 30, 1981, John Hinckley Jr. shot and nearly killed United States President Ronald Reagan, wounded a police officer and Secret Service agent, and permanently disabled Press Secretary James Brady (whose death in 2014 was ruled a homicide from the gunshot wound thirty-three years prior). Found not guilty due to insanity, Hinckley obsessed over Martin Scorsese’s Taxi Driver (1976) while planning his actions. Like Taxi Driver’s protagonist Travis Bickle, Hinckley plotted to assassinate a famous politician. Besotted with Jodie Foster (who starred in Taxi Driver) and disappointed by not attracting her attention after stalking her, Hinckley planned the assassination attempt to impress the actress.

Hinckley and Taxi Driver were both on my mind when watching Todd Phillips’ Joker. Not only do they share thematic connective tissue and similar color palettes, but both films have been plagued by discourse about whether they will inspire someone to commit horrific violence – I respect Taxi Driver as one of the best films released in the 1970s, but it is not something I could rewatch easily. Filmmakers, indeed, should have a sense of social responsibility in their creations. Joker, as a character study first and foremost, paints its politics in broad strokes – preferring to submerge, as character studies should, the audience into the mindset of its protagonist. Joker invites the audience to empathize with a tortured soul who, failed by the state and refusing to hold himself responsible for his worst actions, consciously moves beyond redemption. That point, where the Joker is beyond redemption, is found where Batman fans know him best: murdering only to see if that murder is funny. Whether he reaches that point within the bounds of this film is up for debate.

It is 1981 in Gotham City. The city belches with urban malaise. A garbage collectors’ strike roils the city; socioeconomic inequality is rife; “Super Rats” plague the streets; the municipal services are overwhelmed. Arthur Fleck (Joaquin Phoenix) is a clown-for-hire living and caring for his aging mother, Penny (Frances Conroy). Money is sparse and one of the few joys Arthur and Penny have is Murray Franklin’s (Robert De Niro in a role not far removed from his turn in 1983′s The King of Comedy) primetime talk show. Arthur suffers from random paroxysms of laughter (a real-life affliction known as emotional incontinence, among other names) that, at the very least, invites disdainful looks from strangers who then avoid him. Arthur is seeking help for his depression and other unspoken problems, but Gotham’s social services are soon defunded by the city government and various other events force him to his breaking point.

Also featured in this film are Arthur’s hallway neighbor Sophie (Zazie Beetz) and cameos from Thomas Wayne (Brett Cullen), a young Bruce Wayne (Dante Pereira-Olson), and Alfred Pennyworth (Douglas Hodge).

The film does not glorify any of its hideous violence, but those who are not critical consumers of media will interpret this film how they will. Nevertheless, Joker is less on the side of its protagonist than the likes of Alex DeLarge in A Clockwork Orange (1971) and will likely result in a similar reverence once this film has exited theaters. Within the film’s confines, there is nothing surprising about any of its violence; how the violence happens is shocking in its immediacy and realistic ferocity. It is contextualized as being the inevitable result of a sociopolitical system that cares not for the downtrodden, the mentally ill – to reiterate, Phillips is painting with broad political strokes. Arthur, who keeps on seeking professional help and ways to quell his silent rage, is attempting to stay his destructive behaviors long after his first homicide (as the film does not glorify violence, it also does not target those with mental illness; it directs its ire towards those without sympathy for the mentally ill). Those efforts are stymied by factors beyond his control – an almost-plot twist to shock even ardent Batman fans, the idolization of an unnamed clown who has executed three members or accomplices of Gotham’s elite.

It is here that Joker separates itself from the social cynicism and post-Vietnam War disillusionment and of Taxi Driver; it is here that Philipps’ film becomes just as much a reflection of the era it was released in and the nation of its origin as Scarface (1932 original with Paul Muni), Bonnie and Clyde (1967), and The Dark Knight (2008) once did. Those films respectively capitalized on fears of Italian and Irish mafias making urban centers their criminal playgrounds, countercultural diehards claiming free-wheeling Jazz Age outlaws as their own, and a vast surveillance state crafted to declare war on terrorism. For Joker, the societal diagnosis by Phillips and co-writer Scott Silver (2010′s The Fighter) is double-sided, damning those with and without power. The film decries individuals and groups who deify charismatic or compelling figures claiming their actions and/or rhetoric to be indicative of the common person’s interests. These revered figures incorporate grievance into their persona, weaponizing the language of victimhood not only to bring attention and (justifiably or unjustifiably) force change on a problem, but to absolve themselves of their personal sins. They are, dare it be written, populists. Beware those who invoke “the people” to vindicate their crusades.

Arthur Fleck, as an underemployed clown, does not ask for the attention of the masses. He wishes, “to bring laughter and joy to the world,” yet finds fulfillment in making a handful of children’s hospital patients smile. During Arthur’s first appearance as Joker, he assumes the accidental and public mantle that has set Gotham aflame – legitimizing the homicides he has committed and the public’s brutalization of authority figures by playing victim. He is consumed in self-pity; his words become a simplistic screed. Notice how appealing his words are, how rapidly rhetorical animosity precludes political violence. In Joker’s darkest sequence, the protagonist will destroy the last remnants of Arthur Fleck and become the popular icon of violent upheaval rarely seen in any of his depictions in DC Comics. This is Joker at its most dangerous, if only because of how violence – whether in oppression or in resistance – is as integral to the United States as political compromise.

We hear these beats of populism elsewhere, too, mixed with capitalist can-do. It is present in Thomas Wayne’s television appearance announcing his candidacy for Mayor of Gotham City – “I alone can fix it,” this man of wealth implies. This is a departure from otherwise sympathetic depictions of Bruce Wayne’s father over the decades in Batman comic books. As a plot development, it (along with the “almost-plot twist”) seems unnecessary if only to ground Joker in the Batman mythos. Contrast this to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, where ill-intentioned, humorless capitalists operating within the military-industrial complex are repelled by the wisecracking “good” capitalists within that same system (see: Tony Stark). Murray Franklin, as a talk show host, concocts a scheme to bolster his ratings by humiliating someone in a worse life station – no background checks needed, let alone any semblance of attempting to understand his subject. Thus, Gotham is subject to personality- and grievance-based politics wrung through the corporate avarice of Network (1976). Joker may not have to space to critique capitalism in its entirety – it is a character study, after all – but the entire apple barrel seems spoiled here.

The least controversial element of Joker is Joaquin Phoenix’s magnificent lead performance. Phoenix has made a living playing men whose lives contend with inner turmoil and unsympathetic worlds. His work in The Master (2012) remains has career-defining role, but as Arthur Fleck and as Joker – through the pained laughter spells, his bodily contortions with his ribcage jutting from his frame, and a brooding nature tempered by an initial gentleness – this will be the role that crosses artistic and popular boundaries that segregate filmmaking. Phoenix may now be defined by this role, as Cesar Romero (a solid contract actor for 20th Century Fox despite being typecast as a Latin lover) and the late Heath Ledger (whose work in The Dark Knight overshadows the rest of his filmography) have been.

Director Todd Phillips, best known for The Hangover series, does an excellent job making Gotham City a character. So often consigned to be the faceless and unfortunate city wracked by domestic terrorism from curiously-named villains, never in a film has Gotham seemed like a place with its own history and haunts. The scenes on mass transit alone sell the city. Phillips’ indulgence for slow-motion (with cinematographer Lawrence Sher’s fawning camerawork) during dance sequences and almost constant dollying can be irritating. One montage between Arthur Fleck and Sophie – specifically, when he enters her apartment, confirming how unreliable a narrator he is – displays a lack of trust in the audience to make their own inferences.

Icelandic cellist and composer Hildur Guðnadóttir has crafted a score for her second film for a major American studio. Guðnadóttir’s career has been defined by an unpleasant mix of bass strings, percussion, and synth, droning repetitively, lacking the emotional catharsis that the films she has worked on are striving for. Her work on Joker is an improvement, but this is as difficult a listen as Joker is to watch. The score is almost entirely texture, not melody – melody is for those older films with sugary sentiment and Hollywood endings that do not reflect life’s ugliness, we are increasingly told. Outside of those with an ear for experimental classical music or instrumental music that groans amelodic passages rather than combining lyrical voices, this music has almost no life outside of the movie. Finally, Guðnadóttir’s style fits the film she has scored for.

As a psychological character piece, the only way that Joker could have secured a wide theatrical release in 2019 would be to tie it to bankable comic book lore. Even as Phillips pitched the idea, Joker faced stiff resistance from Warner Bros. executives – including former chairman Kevin Tsujihara and Greg Silverman – who still had the 2012 massacre in Aurora, Colorado on their minds (that tragedy took place during a screening of The Dark Knight Rises). Warner Bros. noting how poorly Zack Snyder’s vision of DC Comics adaptations was faring, needed to extricate itself from Snyder’s adolescent approach.

In the months before Joker’s release and even within the film, Warner Bros. has embraced its past. Of all of Hollywood’s major studios, Warners always seems to be the most conscious and celebratory of its history*. During the 1930s, Warner Bros. became known for the darker content of its films (its rivals MGM, Paramount, and Fox preferred spectacle, maximizing production values, and prestige pictures). The studio became the spiritual home of the gangster film and hardboiled dramas that pushed the boundaries of violence in American cinema – but not for the sake of depicting violence. Even in their musicals (a genre stereotyped as pure escapism), Warner Bros. layered progressive social commentary amid economic depression. Joker – though its own commentary could be more focused and succinct – inherits the legacy of The Public Enemy (1931), I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang (1932), Gold Diggers of 1933 (1933), and its numerous Warner Bros. ancestors.

How curious that a drama with origins from superhero comic books has been little praised for not following the assembly line production methods of numerous films from similar source material. Cinephiles fret, correctly, that movie theaters are becoming a home to superheroes/villains and explicitly-for-children animated features to the exclusion of everything else. The mid-budget character piece is endangered; certain genres have vanished from theater marquees. Joker, to some consternation, has it both ways. It is an excellent, arguably irresponsible, work to be seen with wary eyes.

My rating: 8/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found here.

* Okay, okay you classic film buffs who have already recognized Joker’s references. Modern Times (1936) and Shall We Dance (1937) are from United Artists and RKO, respectively. But both films have long been part of Warners’ library by acquisition.

[desertrosegoddess]

🌹 The Desert Rose’s Weekly Pick a Card Reading 🌹

September 9th, 2019: The Reveal

🌹 Quartz: Four of Swords

This week will be a time to take a well deserved break from what you’ve been doing, my beloveds. You just desperately need to breathe. Don’t get burnt out on your projects, and take all the time you need. You need to heal for sure. Whether that be from a heartbreak, over working at your job, or just mentally and physically--you need to take time to heal. Learn to be at peace and detach yourself from whatever is currently stressing you. Sure, that’s easier said than done but once you get used to doing that, it’ll be a breeze and a great lesson for your heart. Embody Quartz energies as a master healer this week and amply those healing energies.

🌹 Yellow Obsidian: Four of Pentacles

What have you been hoarding lately? Low vibrational memories? Creative ideas? Emotions that no longer serve you? Or perhaps even people who no longer serve you? ...Why? Why do this to yourself? It’s time to set yourself free; not getting caught and tangled in a web that will just keep holding you down. That web could be made from you or even other people who are trying to keep you from raising your vibration. Allow your dreams, your projects, and your love blossom. Shine your light so that it benefits not only yourself but others as well. Fly. Yellow Obsidian can help with sharing this love in a more grounded mindset. Breathe and embody these energies as you move forward this week.

🌹 Kyanite: Six of Wands

That adversary or obstacle that has been blocking your way will be finally defeated this week. You’ve come out on top, figuring your way through the maze of obstacles and it’s time to let that pride fill your heart. Keep these memories bright so when you find yourself in that maze again, you know you have the strength to conquer it! And if you’ve been through this maze before and are stuck, know that victory is right around the corner.Though, don’t allow the pride to overflow as this can lead to arrogance. Know when to celebrate your wins. Allow Kyanite to align your energy centers to keep yourself grounded and open. 

🌹 Amethyst: Six of Swords

There will be a lethargic pause in action for you. It will fee dull, dark, and damp but know that this is just a time of transition. Continue to move forward on your journey and soon, the weariness and fog will lift. Times can be difficult during this time but know that you are strong enough to endure. If you need to reach out for help, do so. Friends and loved ones will surely help lift that despondent heart of yours. This is your sign that things are going to work out. Keep moving. Transitions are never easy, but good things never are. Carry a piece of amethyst with you and allow its calm energies to embody you. This crystal can help alleviate any stresses that may come and help you get a good night’s sleep to tackle the next day. 

🌹 Extra:

I noticed that there are two fours and two sixes this week. If you chose a four, know that your guides are here with you helping you on your journey. But they are also reminding you to be reliable, mindful, trustworthy, and avoid cutting corners at all costs. Don’t be overly critical, especially of others. If you chose a six regardless of which card, harmonious times are coming. Trust yourself if a decision or choice is presented to you. Listen deep to your intuition and trust you will choose wisely. Show love and compassion to not only others but yourself as well. Allow your authentic self to blossom and shine.

I hope this resonates and helps. Keep in mind these are just general readings. If you’d like a more personal and in-depth reading, please check out my shop below. If you’d like to keep seeing these wonderful pick a card readings every Monday, please consider donating with my Ko-Fi. Thank you so much, my beloveds. May your week shine. Much love!!

🌹  Polices | Samples | Feedback | Shop | Ko-Fi 🌹

[newwayastrology]

LEARNING THROUGH WENDY WILLIAMS If you are unfamiliar with Wendy Williams, she is a former radio broadcaster who came to fame as one of the prominent voices on the very popular WBLS radio station in New York City. Williams was so popular during her stint with “BLS” that she was eventually offered a live audience TV show named after her. Williams’ name has been in the news lately because of personal problems that center on her husband’s alleged philandering and her reaction to it, which, unfortunately has been rooted in alcohol and apparently drugs. She has been staying in a downtrodden building that serves as a sober house for her. She cannot abuse herself through alcohol because she is under constant watch. Williams tapes her shows and is then driven back to the sober house. Things were going well until just a few days ago. Wendy’s husband’s name is Kevin Hunter. Hunter’s “other woman” gave birth to a child, a child that he is alleged to be the father of. What makes this really sticky is that Hunter has always been his wife’s agent and is the producer of her show. She is the big bread winner in the relationship so, the marital issue also threatens her career. There are four things that you never want problems with: severe illness or loss of a child; loss of a cherished marriage; loss of career; critical illness of your own. She has two of the four and inasmuch as she has been ill enough to miss a substantial length of time on her show, she is certainly not as healthy as she should be, both mentally and physically. HER ASTROLOGY The Williams horoscope has a northwestern hemisphere emphasis that we can see as a first impression. In layman’s terms, this suggests an orientation to the world centered on a giving of oneself to others that is linked somehow to unfulfilling factors in the formative years of development of her life. Instantly, you see Saturn Rx. That shines a spotlight on the father and it can be because of one or more reasons: he passed away early on; there was an early divorce; he was passive, autocratic, abusive, or just wasn’t around enough. Whatever the case may be, what happens, psychologically speaking, is a sense of inferiority. These feelings give rise to defenses, self-esteem concerns and much more and, as an adult, the stage that these issues play out on is usually relationships. We see Wendy’s Saturn being opposed by the 7th House Uranus from the 7th. This immediately links relationship and identity factors in a tug of war. That she has Uranus and Pluto in the 7th adds more to the profile being built here. Let me detour for a moment..... Have you ever thought about why you have the horoscope you have? I mean, have you ever really given it any thought? If you haven’t, you should because there is a reason why and it is helpful to keep in perspective what you are about to read. A horoscope is your gift from the universe. Look at your life here on this planet as a training ground for the growth of your soul. Your horoscope is your playbook. It tells you what you need, what you excel at and most importantly, what you need to work on to be the most evolved you can be. You learn about your role and purpose through the hard aspects in the horoscope, among other things (especially the Nodes). Back to Wendy. This is the horoscope of someone who learns greatly about herself though others, especially in personal relationships. Uranus is quindecile the Ascendant, an indication of relationship upsets due to too much of a need to project herself as a unique, individuated, even wild person (Marilyn Monroe had this, too). As well, the Uranus-Pluto pairing invites relational turbulence as the low expression of their paired energies. Finally, that the ruler of the Ascendant is in the 7th House tells us that relationships and the public are supposed to be the areas of life where she best finds and loses herself. As unpleasant as what has been happening is, she is supposed to experience relationship turbulence! Relationships, for her, are how she learns who she is and who she is not. It is unpleasant but so is lifting weights and look how great a body can look after dealing with so much resistance. Well, instead of lifting weights, Williams lifts personal and public relationships to get her soul in shape, to evolve. Her marriage to Hunter is her second marriage. The first one broke up primarily because of the bizarre behavior she seemed to constantly display due to the, then, hidden addiction problem she had. As well, she was unfaithful. The horoscope shows a T-square. Mercury squares Jupiter’s opposition to Neptune. On one hand, this symbolism refers to her imaginative communication skills. It also shows the mindset bound up in idealism, which easily becomes delusory. That Mercury rules the 4th House shines yet another light on parental dimensions tied into the idealism (which often easily includes self-deception and dishonesty to others). Mercury also rules the 5th 7th House. Parents-Home-Idealism….they are tied together. Deception is a solid part of her relational index. She was the deceiver in her first marriage and now, she has been deceived. Looking at all of this – the Neptune factor, it becomes easy to see how drugs could easily be a major outlet for her tensions. Venus and Mars are conjunct and are both unaspected by other planets. They are on an island, so to speak, and therefore have a dominant position in the horoscope. Venus-Mars has a sexual focus. In Gemini, the focus is cerebral. Venus also rules the 8th House. The Moon, ruler of the 5th and 7th Houses (co-rules the 7th) The sexual profile is pronounced and since fantasy is such a strong part of it, we can deduce that there is much pleasure in masturbation, that the fantasy part of sexuality is a turn-on. Jupiter’s rulership of the 11th House within this suggests tension about how she feels about herself in terms of lovability, attractiveness and those sorts of things. The Sun in Cancer links the life-energy strongly to emotional and family security. This central energy is expressed in a personality that needs to have control and do so by knowing as much as possible about what it wants to know. This is the combination of the person who needs to be thought of as deep and significant. Emotions run deep. This blend is filtered through the image of the Aquarius-Pisces Ascendant, which combines individuation, social justice interests, and a helping nature with compassion and deep sensitivity. Idealism is all over this horoscope. LOOKING AHEAD One of the mistakes that is often made in astrology, especially when it comes to relationship concerns, is that the person who is having problems now is doing so because of what a planet is doing now. For starters, a planet didn’t make Mr. Hunter have an affair. A planet didn’t make Williams cheat on her first husband. Planets indicate, they don’t make anything happen. Secondly, what is happening to Williams now is part of a process that started before now. If Hunter’s mistress just had a child, that relationship started awhile ago. The new mother didn’t just meet him 9 months ago and start a relationship. When you go back to 2017, you find two strong transits: Uranus squaring the Sun and Saturn opposing Venus, neither of which bodes well for a person in a troubled relationship. It might have been 2017 when this side relationship began or perhaps it was the onset of problems that led to now. Inasmuch as it has been reported that Williams has tossed her wedding ring, it looks like the marriage exists in name only. For Mr. Hunter, perhaps that’s the way it has been for some time. Right now, in 2019, the astrology isn’t life-changing. You don’t see anything that you would expect to see and it stays that way until June. In December, there is SP Moon square Saturn. December is when the aspect peaks but the effect of it begins in June. The significance of this aspect (occurs every 7 years) is that one’s main needs are in conflict with what reality is offering. It forces a person to make a concrete change in life of some kind. As previously mentioned, Hunter is William’s agent and he produces their show. We know that that professional relationship will end. With the Tertiary Progressed Moon going over the Ascendant on October 13th, that will probably be an important time period from, say, the 11th through the 15th. This SP Moon=Saturn contact introduces transiting Saturn opposing the Sun for all of 2020. In lieu of the reality as it exists now, 2020 will probably be pretty challenging for Williams. SP Moon will go over her Midheaven in March, 2020, certainly adding to the hustle and bustle that will no doubt exist as she deals with the marriage and career chaos. She is going to be jogging uphill for the foreseeable future. SUMMARY When I started in astrology, the person who introduced me to it said that with my Sun square Saturn, that I couldn’t expect much to happen in my life, that it will be difficult. I wonder what he thinks when he sees Oprah’s horoscope, with her Sun-Venus in the 2nd squared by Saturn. Imagine how he would look if he had told a young Oprah that she’d always struggle with money. Our hard aspects are CHALLENGES to varying degrees. They are not BAD. There are always things like acts of nature that happen or a neighbor falls asleep with a cigarette that ends up burning down your house, too. There are things that happen beyond our control but for the most part, it is bad decisions that causes our problems. Magic Johnson's career as a player ended early, not vecause of a planet but because he went nuts with indiscriminate sex in Hollywood and other places. Mr. Hunter did Williams wrong but she also did wrong to her first husband. She needs to learn about herself through relationships, both personal and with the public. Perhaps she will make beter choices in the future. None of us would be here if we didn’t make wrong choices. That’s what it’s all about. That’s how you learn and it’s so great that the universe gave us astrology as a roadmap to understanding the whole process!

[ellcrys]

“We are encouraged to strategize and scheme to find places, times, and roles where we can be effectively put to work,” Harris, the Kids These Days author, writes. “Efficiency is our existential purpose, and we are a generation of finely honed tools, crafted from embryos to be lean, mean production machines.”

Burnout isn’t a place to visit and come back from; it’s our permanent residence.

This is a super long article but so worth the read.

The part that definitely resonated with me the most was the part on self-optimization. I can see this shit reflected in my daily habits and mindset. If I’m not being ‘productive,’ I’ve not had a good day. Every single part of my schedule is dictated by crossing things off my to-do list and what I’ve been able to accomplish. I’ve known this to be unhealthy since day 1 but couldn’t/can’t reverse the mindset. And now I get why.

Some great quotes below.

Topics that hit home for me in order of appearance:

On Branding:

“Branding” is a fitting word for this work[1], as it underlines what the millennial self becomes: a product. And as in childhood, the work of optimizing that brand blurs whatever boundaries remained between work and play. There is no “off the clock” when at all hours you could be documenting your on-brand experiences or tweeting your on-brand observations. The rise of smartphones makes these behaviors frictionless and thus more pervasive, more standardized. In the early days of Facebook, you had to take pictures with your digital camera, upload them to your computer, and post them in albums. Now, your phone is a sophisticated camera, always ready to document every component of your life — in easily manipulated photos, in short video bursts, in constant updates to Instagram Stories — and to facilitate the labor of performing the self for public consumption.

On Self-Optimization[2]:

Even the trends millennials have popularized — like athleisure — speak to our self-optimization. Yoga pants might look sloppy to your mom, but they’re efficient: You can transition seamlessly from an exercise class to a Skype meeting to child pickup. We use Fresh Direct and Amazon because the time they save allows us to do more work.

This is why the fundamental criticism of millennials — that we’re lazy and entitled — is so frustrating: We hustle so hard that we’ve figured out how to avoid wasting time eating meals and are called entitled for asking for fair compensation and benefits like working remotely (so we can live in affordable cities), adequate health care, or 401(k)s (so we can theoretically stop working at some point before the day we die). We’re called whiny for talking frankly about just how much we do work, or how exhausted we are by it. But because overworking for less money isn’t always visible — because job hunting now means trawling LinkedIn, because “overtime” now means replying to emails in bed — the extent of our labor is often ignored, or degraded.

The media that surrounds us — both social and mainstream, from Marie Kondo’s new Netflix show to the lifestyle influencer economy — tells us that our personal spaces should be optimized just as much as one’s self and career. The end result isn’t just fatigue, but enveloping burnout that follows us to home and back. The most common prescription is “self-care.” Give yourself a face mask! Go to yoga! Use your meditation app! But much of self-care isn’t care at all: It’s an $11 billion industry whose end goal isn’t to alleviate the burnout cycle, but to provide further means of self-optimization. At least in its contemporary, commodified iteration, self-care isn’t a solution; it’s exhausting.

On “The Double Shift”:

Millennial burnout often works differently among women, and particularly straight women with families. Part of this has to do with what’s known as “the second shift” — the idea that women who’ve moved into the workplace do the labor of a job and then come home and perform the labor of a housewife[3].

The labor that causes burnout isn’t just putting away the dishes or folding the laundry — tasks that can be readily distributed among the rest of the family. It’s more to do with what French cartoonist Emma calls “the mental load,” or the scenario in which one person in a family — often a woman — takes on a role akin to “household management project leader.” The manager doesn’t just complete chores; they keep the entire household’s schedule in their minds. They remember to get toilet paper because it’ll run out in four days. They’re ultimately responsible for the health of the family, the upkeep of the home and their own bodies, maintaining a sex life, cultivating an emotional bond with their children, overseeing aging parents’ care, making sure bills are paid and neighbors are greeted and someone’s home for a service call and holiday cards get in the mail and vacations are planned six months in advance and airline miles aren’t expiring and the dog’s getting exercised.

On “Adulting”:

“The modern Millennial, for the most part, views adulthood as a series of actions, as opposed to a state of being,” an article in Elite Daily explains. “Adulting therefore becomes a verb.” “To adult” is to complete your to-do list — but everything goes on the list, and the list never ends.

That’s one of the most ineffable and frustrating expressions of burnout: It takes things that should be enjoyable and flattens them into a list of tasks, intermingled with other obligations that should either be easily or dutifully completed. The end result is that everything, from wedding celebrations to registering to vote, becomes tinged with resentment and anxiety and avoidance. Maybe my inability to get the knives sharpened is less about being lazy and more about being too good, for too long, at being a millennial.

On Errand Paralysis:

There are a few ways to look at this original problem of errand paralysis. Many of the tasks millennials find paralyzing are ones that are impossible to optimize for efficiency, either because they remain stubbornly analog (the post office) or because companies have optimized themselves, and their labor, so as to make the experience as arduous as possible for the user (anything to do with insurance, or bills, or filing a complaint). Sometimes, the inefficiencies are part of the point: The harder it is to submit a request for a reimbursement, the less likely you are to do it. The same goes for returns.

Other tasks become difficult because of too many options, and what’s come to be known as “decision fatigue.” I’ve moved around so much because of my career path, and always loathed the process of finding family practitioners and dentists and dermatologists. Finding a doctor — and not just any doctor, but one who will take your insurance, who is accepting new patients — might seem like an easy task in the age of Zocdoc, but the array of options can be paralyzing without the recommendations of friends and family, which are in short supply when you move to a brand-new town.

Other tasks are, well, boring. I’ve done them too many times. The payoff from completing them is too small. Boredom with the monotony of labor is usually associated with physical and/or assembly line jobs, but it’s widespread among “knowledge workers.” As Caroline Beaton, who has written extensively about millennials and labor, points out, the rise of the “knowledge sector” has simply “changed the medium of monotony from heavy machinery to digital technology. … We habituate to the modern workforce’s high intensity but predictable tasks. Because the stimuli don’t change, we cease to be stimulated. The consequence is two-fold. First, like a kind of Chinese water torture, each identical thing becomes increasingly painful. In defense, we become decreasingly engaged.” My refusal to respond to a kind Facebook DM is thus symptomatic of the sheer number of calls for my attention online: calls to read an article, calls to promote my own work, calls to engage wittily or defend myself from trolls or like a relative’s picture of their baby.

To be clear, none of these explanations are, to my mind, exonerating. They don’t seem like great or rational reasons to avoid doing things I know, in the abstract, I want or need to do. But dumb, illogical decisions are a symptom of burnout. We engage in self-destructive behaviors or take refuge in avoidance as a way to get off the treadmill of our to-do list. Which helps explain one of the complaints about millennials’ work habits: They show up late, they miss shifts, they ghost on jobs. Some people who behave this way may, indeed, just not know how to put their heads down and work. But far more likely is that they’re bad at work because of just how much work they do — especially when it’s performed against a backdrop of financial precariousness.

Footnotes:

[1] For many millennials, a social media presence — on LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter — has also become an integral part of obtaining and maintaining a job. The “purest” example is the social media influencer, whose entire income source is performing and mediating the self online. But social media is also the means through which many “knowledge workers” — that is, workers who handle, process, or make meaning of information — market and brand themselves. Journalists use Twitter to learn about other stories, but they also use it to develop a personal brand and following that can be leveraged; people use LinkedIn not just for résumés and networking, but to post articles that attest to their personality (their brand!) as a manager or entrepreneur. Millennials aren’t the only ones who do this, but we’re the ones who perfected and thus set the standards for those who do.

[2] One of the ways to think through the mechanics of millennial burnout is by looking closely at the various objects and industries our generation has supposedly “killed.” We’ve “killed” diamonds because we’re getting married later (or not at all), and if or when we do, it’s rare for one partner to have the financial stability to set aside the traditional two months’ salary for a diamond engagement ring. We’re killing antiques, opting instead for “fast furniture” — not because we hate our grandparents’ old items, but because we’re chasing stable employment across the country, and lugging old furniture and fragile china costs money that we don’t have. We’ve exchanged sit-down casual dining (Applebee’s, TGI Fridays) for fast casual (Chipotle et al.) because if we’re gonna pay for something, it should either be an experience worth waiting in line for (Cronuts! World-famous BBQ! Momofuku!) or efficient as hell.

[3] (A recent study found that mothers in the workplace spend just as much time taking care of their children as stay-at-home mothers did in 1975). One might think that when women work, the domestic labor decreases, or splits between both partners. But sociologist Judy Wajcman found that in heterosexual couples, that simply wasn’t the case: Less domestic labor takes place overall, but that labor still largely falls on the woman.