#and he FINALLY understood and sympathised with him when he felt he had no choice but to betray him

[adhd-merlin]

don't talk to me

[cardansriddle]

Could you do a Yandere Tom Riddle where he meets S/O who is exactly like him Slytherin, Halfblood, conceived under a love potion and cold at heart? (You can if you want to)

Destined- Tom Riddle

A/N: I have to admit I strayed away from the topic just a tad bit and got carried away. I did not really explore the Yandere side of Tom here, and this is kinda shitty i know. But I decided to post it nonetheless.

He heard whispers about you.

It had not been surprising at first, Hogwarts did not allow any transfers, yet apparently you had been an exception. Perhaps that should have been his first sign to gain information on you, after all, you had to be quite extraordinary for the Headmaster to make an exception, right? However, he had completely overlooked your arrival, not giving her a second glance during the classes, in the hallways, or at the Slytherin table where he would dine.

Yet two weeks passed, and while Tom had expected the whispers to cease, they seemed to increase each day. That was the exact reason why he had decided to finally see what all the fuss was about. What was so special about you that no one could shut up about the new girl?

His fellow Slytherins would always sneer whenever your name came up. He was tired of Abraxas going on a rant about how halfbloods were not pure enough to be sorted into Slytherin, and once Tom had snapped, throwing a hex at him to shut him up. After all, he was a halfblood as well.

He was hidden in the safety of the shadows, tracking your silent steps as you moved through the corridors of the ancient castle, your soft hair cascading down your back while you adjusted the strap of your bag, releasing a frustrated huff every now and then. Many would move out of your way, parting and allowing you to pass and Tom's brows furrowed at the obvious action of fear— or was it respect?— as he continued to follow you.

After a short while, his patience started to run out, and he was quite tired of tracking your steps. The boy was tempted to slip some truth serum into your drink at some point, yet he had refrained, a part of him knowing you would somehow take notice of the trickery. He knew it by the way your eyes would survey the room very carefully as if you were cautious and distrustful of everyone that surrounded you. It bothered him how similar both of your mindsets were.

He heard you had managed to hex a handful of students ever since your arrival, whispering such threats in their ears that they would leave with trembling limbs. 

You had darkness in you, and Tom was planning on unleashing it.

You finally made it to the library, politely greeting the old librarian before moving to your usual table in the corner, a space that was secluded and away from prying eyes. You pulled out an unfamiliar book and did not waste a second before you were indulged in it.

Tom watched, as your brows knitted together in concentration, as you pulled your lower lip in between your thumb and pointer finger, as you ran a hand through your soft hair in frustration, and he devoured every little action. 

A little amount of time passes before he could not stand the questions gnawing at his mind, so he finally decided to approach you, settling in the chair next to you with grace.

You looked up from your book, your expression annoyed as you stared at the Prefect next to you. "Can I help you?"

He did not respond for a brief moment, as his eyes fell to the cover of the book you were currently reading. 'Love Potions: The Dangers and Effects'

"An interesting choice of book." He expressed his thought sourly, wondering why she would waste her time reading a book on Love Potions. Had he miscalculated things? Was she not special? Was she just another foolish girl searching for love? He almost gagged at the thought.

"Not particularly." You answered with a tired sigh. "It was apparently written by an imbecile because there is no useful information in here." With that said, you snapped the book shut and turned to him, cocking an eyebrow. "Is there something you need, Riddle? Because I would rather not waste my time and chit-chat."

"Many would love to be in your place and chit-chat with me, darling." He answered, his lips curling into a smug smirk. You rolled your eyes at his arrogance. "What was it that you were looking for in a book about Love Potions?"

You glanced at him, debating whether or not to actually answer his question. You've heard that Tom Riddle was the brightest student in school, and after some contemplation, you came to the conclusion that perhaps he would have some insight on the subject you were so interested in.

"What do you know about children conceived under the effects of a love potion?" You asked, and quirked a brow as his body stilled. His guarded eyes searched your face before he straightened his spine.

"Why are you asking?"

You sighed then, figuring he did not know about it. "Forget it. You're just as useless as the imbecile who wrote this." You made a move to grab your book and put it back in your bag, yet you were startled when his hand slammed on the table, the other grabbing the back of your chair as he leaned in towards you.

"Watch your mouth." He snarled.

"Jeez, you're sensitive." You smirked as you put your hand on his chest in an attempt to push him away. 

He continued to glare at you, even as he settled back in his seat.

"Children conceived under the love potion are told to be void of most of the emotions. They cannot feel, they cannot sympathise, and cannot feel love."

His words caused you to freeze in your place, and it was as if realisation dawned upon you as you stared numbly at your hands. So that is why you felt no remorse, no regret, no guilt- and no love towards the people you were supposed to care about.

He watched you, as you seemed to be mulling over things in your head, and a thought struck his head. 

“Were you conceived under the effects of the love potion?”

You looked up, surprised at his bluntness. 

You debated lying to him, yet you knew Tom Riddle, and he was not the type to gossip or indulge in similar useless activities, so with a bitter smile, you responded. “Yes. I was.”

Something churned in Tom’s heart, something dangerous as he stared at you. You were...similar to him. He had never been able to say that about someone. There had been no one that could understand his feelings- or well, the lack of- and now there you were, the one person in the universe who happened to have the same unfortunate fate as him.

“So was I.” Was his unexpected response. You saw no deception behind his gaze and knew he had no reason or motive to lie about such a thing, and you believed him.

It was then that you had formed a bond that went unspoken. It was as if you understood each other without needing to speak the words. And that is how that weird night blossomed into days of spending time together, becoming friends. It was quite easy, you matched each other’s level both emotionally and intellectually, and it came as a relief to the both of you.

Whatever you two had, had blossomed into a deep trustful releationship, and you had been informed of Tom’s plans for the future. As expected, you supported his idea, his beliefs, and your own thirst for power had you feeling giddy at the idea of becoming unstoppable.

It was when you were both at that same table in the library when he spoke the words that you swore made you feel something.

“As I rule over the world.” He breathed. “I want you by my side, ruling as the Dark Lady. The world will be ours. We will be a force to be reckoned with.”

You had looked up at him with utter yet pleasant surprise, and you had felt your lips curl into a smirk as you agreed, because how could you not when he was offering the whole world to you?

He then had grabbed your chin, lifting your face and brushing his soft lips against yours. 

That day, he had kissed you so hard, you thought your lips would bruise, yet you did not dare complain. If that was what pain felt like, you would take it every day, only to feel his lips on yours once more.

The universe had created you for one another, two similar souls destined for a great purpose. Destined to rule the world.

[botaniia]

Chapter 128 was packed with details, but the final two pages of the chapter are some of the most important in the whole series to me because they tie up a loose end that’s been there for quite some time in just two small pages.

The warriors’ morality has been a long-discussed topic, but out of RBA I think Bertholdt’s is the most interesting, simply because he’s been discussed so little and the reader actually has to extrapolate to explore him instead of getting it all spoonfed to them. There was no reason for the story to discuss him because Reiner was still alive and he was used to explore RBA’s reasoning and history. And because it was shown through Reiner so well, I’d long given up on the narrative ever revisiting Bertholdt again.

But even if it makes sense, that doesn’t leave me satisfied. I am all for seeing Reiner’s (and Annie’s) growth, but that’s only possible because they are still alive and active players in the story. Readers get constant new info on them and see how their actions and perspective have changed, and get the chance to recontextualise them. And for many people, that allows them to sympathise with them.

The same can’t be said about Bertholdt.

To plenty of people, he’s the previous holder of the colossal titan, Reiner’s shadow, and ultimately the guy who made peace with the fact that he’d kill lots and lots of former allies and Survey Corps alike before he was punished with a gruesome karmic death. He not only got what people believed was due, but readers were also never again challenged to rethink their position on him like they were with Reiner and Annie. It was easy to form an opinion on him in Return to Shiganshina and never have to adjust that opinion as new info came. 

There was no need to see how terrible his life was before he died, or how he was in the same boat as Reiner, or to speculate what he’d have done were he alive in the current arc because it simply wasn’t raised to the audience. So he remained despicable, and it was a good thing he was dead.

And that stance is understandable. Because no matter how good a motive someone has, murder is murder, and what happened to Shiganshina, Trost, Marco, the SC, and Armin was still murder no matter how terrible Marley was to these child soldiers. I reject the idea that their strong alleviating circumstances change nothing, but I understand why people are unable to find compassion for him after he said he was okay with killing them all on his own volition (which I still think was a coping mechanism to deal with how little he was in control of his life at that point and not a factual statement, but that’s a discussion for another day).

In short: a story that so powerfully made many people do a complete 180 on what they thought of Reiner, someone they previously wanted to see die a violent death, doesn’t at all invite the reader to consider the same for Bertholdt, and it felt missing.

That is until these two pages show up and change everything. 

See, the thing I said about murder applies to anyone. Bertholdt’s death was still murder, no matter how you spin it. A necessary murder where the SC had no other choice, but still murder. But emotionally, it was never framed that way. We don’t really see the 104th’s opinion on RBA, but I can’t imagine they felt all too much compassion for Bertholdt. 

Because he had it coming. 

Because he would’ve murdered them had they not murdered him. 

Because he betrayed them like the heartless bastard they learned he was.

Because he was all talk about no one wanting to do what he did, but in the end he still carried through with it.

Because it’s easier to feel no guilt over killing someone when you decide that he was never worthy of your compassion in the first place.

He died without a shred of humanity. The people who would mourn him didn’t know if he was truly dead and the people who knew he was dead didn’t want to mourn him.

That’s kinda it for him. Suddenly, radio silence. Reiner’s depression largely stems from losing him, but he’s never actually mentioned. Porco gets angry learning about his death at Liberio and charges into combat, and that’s about the only on-panel reaction we see to his death.

And then, four years later, the 104th suddenly land themselves in a situation where they are the traitors. Two of their comrades stand between them and their goal, and their lives are directly threatened by them unless they choose to act right now. 

“You betrayed us, didn’t you?”

“Weren’t we gonna reclaim the land and eat meat together?”

“You traitors! Why? Aren’t we comrades?”

Hey, aren’t those words Connie and Armin have heard somewhere before?

They are indeed their comrades. And Connie pulls the trigger twice.

It’s emotional. It’s painful. It doesn’t feel right, Connie doesn’t want to do it, and he knows he’ll have trouble looking himself in the mirror from the moment he shoots Daz. He’s the first one of the 104th to gain insight into how terrible it is to have to harm friends for a goal he truly believes is worth fighting for. 

But he did it anyway because he had to. And that’s the moment where he understands, crystal clear, something he has been struggling for four years to understand: how could Reiner, Bertholdt, and Annie do something so selfish, so gruesome to their comrades? How could they do this to him?

How could Connie and Armin do this to Daz and Samuel?

I don’t wish what Connie and Armin are currently feeling upon them in any way, just like I didn’t wish it upon RBA when they were experiencing it. But it’s undeniable that they currently have an understanding unlike any other of what a dreadful situation their enemies had been in when they infiltrated Paradis. This may even help them understand the position Eren is currently in.

Killing a former friend who turned enemy out of necessity is one thing. Learning his motives can change one’s perception of him, but doesn’t necessarily change the animosity still felt for him. But to live the exact experience he lived and gain an emotional understanding that wasn’t there before?

It’s hard not to relate to an experience you now understand.

So what’s that loose end I was talking about? 

Back in Clash of Titans, Bertholdt begged for someone to find them. I interpret this as being about understanding how hopeless their situation was from the start, seeing the good through the overwhelming abundance of terrible, wanting to be understood but knowing it wasn’t possible.

Ymir ended up being the person to respond to that call, leading to her going back to Marley with them to face certain death in order to spare them. Back then, she was the only one who could find them, but she never quite gave the type of understanding he was looking for. He wronged the Paradisian Eldians, it was them he needed to reach.

Even though it’s long after his death, Connie remembering his words in the situation he did is the first time that someone actually did see, did live his perspective while explicitly linking it back to him. Someone finally understands the pain they went through, and Isayama made a conscious effort to make readers think about that fact by showing that one panel of Bertholdt breaking down all those years ago. It’s no longer implied by extrapolation, it’s explicitly shown, the reader has to think about it.

It’s doesn’t look like much, but that is the exact type of closure I’ve wanted to cap off his story. 

Someone whom he didn’t want to harm but harmed anyway finally understands how human his situation was.

There wasn’t actually a heartless bastard, just a conflicted one who made his choice. Just like they did.

Someone finally found him.

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 63 - Eʏᴇ Oғ Tʜᴇ Sᴛᴏʀᴍ

Masterlist

Episode: Wanheda: Part One

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Sixty-Three

The ride home was tense and silent, as we pushed the horses to their limits and I kept prompting Jasper to ensure that he remained conscious. It was difficult to keep my mind from wandering in the time that our journey took and I couldn’t help fretting over what kind of threat Bellamy and the boys could have been pulled into now. 

As the gates came into view, I slapped the reins one last time, desperate to reach Abby whilst Jasper remained clinging to me and was unreliably frustrated to find them still closed as we arrived.

“Open the gates!” Raven yelled from the horse barely seconds ahead of me and I could hear the gears of the mechanism clanking.

“We told them to be ready for us! We don’t have the time for this.” I growled, fidgeting impatiently on the horse and I felt Jasper begin to slide to one side, as if he were about to fall. I leaned around just in time to catch him and struggled to reposition him with my hands behind my back. 

“Hold on! We’re almost there. Just a few minutes longer, Jasper. Please.” I bargained, willing him to fight the exhaustion that I knew his blood loss would be causing and he groaned in return. The moment that there was a large enough gap to fit through, I rushed inside with the girls close on my tail and Octavia immediately hopped off her horse to untie Jasper.

“Jasper’s hurt. What took you so long?!” Octavia yelled furiously as she supported him to the ground with some strain and I quickly slid down to assist. Together, we managed to keep him upright for long enough to lean him against the fence for stability and I almost burst into tears in relief as I noticed Abby and Jackson running over to meet us.  Abby wasted no time in peeling back the shoddy bandaging that I had managed to wrap around Jasper’s neck to examine the damage and grimaced at the wound beneath it.

“Oh! What happened?” She breathed, her face growing pale at the sight of the depth of the injury and Octavia and I glanced at each other awkwardly, silently attempting to decide who would explain. Abby tapped her foot impatiently as she fixed us with a firm stare and Octavia cleared her throat to take responsibility for relaying events.

“Ice Nation.” She answered quietly and Abby’s brows shot up in shock at the mention of them. The doctor returned her gaze to Jasper’s neck attentively and I furrowed my brows at Octavia in accusation. I had expected her to provide a full report, or at least some minimal details on Jaspers outrageous behaviour today, but instead she simply shook her head at me subtly. Though I could understand that this wasn’t the best time for it, I was tired of covering up the issues that he caused and could easily have launched into a full rundown of the events of the day, with recommendations on possible consequences for the incredible risks that were taken. Before I had the chance, Jackson rushed to Abby’s side and she began handing Jasper over to him.

“Get him to Medical.” She instructed, holding his throat with a concerned grip and Jackson wrapped one arm over his shoulder to steady him. 

“I got you. Keep pressure on it.” He advised nervously, before flashing me a reassuring smile as he guided him away and I felt comforted by knowing that Jasper was in safe hands. Although I was immeasurably angry with him for his careless choices, my heart ached at the sight of him in such a dangerous condition and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fully calm myself down until Jackson or Abby told me that he would be fine. Abby approached me with a hint of hope in her eyes and I prepared myself for the question that I knew was coming. 

“Clarke?” She asked in a small, hopeful voice and I felt guilt crushing my chest. Though I’d known what was coming, it was still challenging to hear and I gulped as I prepared myself to answer.

“I’m sorry. Not today.” I revealed in a gentle tone and I watched as her face fell in disappointment. It had become a painful routine for her to ask every time that we returned home whether we’d made any headway in finding Clarke and though I understood her need to check, I hated the way that delivering the bad news each time made me feel. 

“We’ll find her, Abby. Eventually, we will.” I added encouragingly, placing a hand on her arm and she managed a strained smile in response. In truth, I wasn’t sure that we would be able to deliver on this promise to seek out her missing daughter. Clarke was unlikely to allow us to seek her out unless she was ready to be found, but I’d come to care for Abby and that meant that if there was anything that I could do for her, I would. Bellamy seemed similarly affected by her desperation to find her daughter and I was beginning to struggle to tell whether his determination to complete this mission was truly for Abby, or for his own peace of mind. There was still a niggling doubt in the back of my mind that he was hiding something from me and his comment about guilt in our recent argument continued to trouble me.

“Os oukou.” [Nice jacket] Octavia’s sharp voice pulled me from my thoughts and I turned to face her with confusion. I followed her line of sight to Lincoln, who was wearing the guard jacket that Bellamy had gifted him this morning and grimaced at his choice. I hadn’t even noticed him approaching amid the chaos and as I brought my gaze back to Octavia, I realised that she wore a hurt expression, as if she’d been deeply betrayed. She turned away from Lincoln without another word and I flashed him a sympathetic smile. 

“You want me to take them?” She called over to Raven as she grasped the reins of her horse and it was clear from the sharpness of her movements that she had no intention of discussing her feelings at the moment. I sighed as I racked my mind for a way to keep the peace between the couple and whilst I struggled to produce any ideas, Raven shook her head hastily in response to Octavia’s offer of help.

“It’s okay. I’ll-I’ll bring her in.” Raven grumbled in a delicate but determined voice and my focus remained closely on Octavia as I tried to catch her arm before she could storm away.

“Oktaivia, hod op.” [Octavia, wait] I blurted in an attempt to prevent her from leaving things unspoken, but she pulled her arm quickly from my reach to march the horse back to the stable and I glanced back at Lincoln with a shrug. Though I wanted to help, I had to acknowledge that their relationship wasn’t mine to maintain and I had already given my advice this morning, which he had clearly chosen to ignore.

“You can’t get down. Can you?” 

I jumped at Abby’s words, whipping away from watching Octavia’s back as she stalked toward the stable and thinned my eyes at Raven just in time to find her subtly shaking her head. As she confirmed her dilemma, I was almost crushed under the weight of my shame for not noticing and wasted no time in joining Abby in assisting her to the ground. She groaned as her leg bent up in an unnatural angle from the restriction to her flexibility caused by her brace and I knew that Abby had noticed it too. 

“Thanks.” She muttered bitterly, hardly able to get the word out through her will to be independent and I could hardly contain the sympathy that filled my face. I knew that she would be furious if she noticed it, but I had been deeply worried about her health for months and I couldn’t bury it no longer.

“Raven-”

“I’m good.” She asserted in a gritty tone, cutting off Abby’s worried speech before she could even get past her name and I felt a pang in my chest as she turned to take the horse stubbornly. After studying her closely for months, I could recognise that there was a more significant limp to her gait now that there had been when we were first reunited and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Abby examining her movements. I was torn between all of my loved ones, as they rapidly spiralled all around me, but before I could make a decision on who to follow, Abby turned to face me with a scrutinising look and I gulped under the intensity of her stare. 

“She’s in pain. Isn’t she?” She interrogated, studying me with a perceptiveness that I knew was impossible to escape and I felt conflicted between my loyalty for Raven and my commitment to her best interests. After chewing my lip in silent deliberation for a few moments, I sighed thoughtfully.

“Yes. For at least a few weeks now, but I suspect that it’s closer to a month or two.” I confessed reluctantly and Abby cursed under her breath. 

“That girl is too stubborn for her own good.” She muttered and I nodded in agreement, a fond smile spreading across my lips at the accuracy of her statement. Abby placed her hands on her hips in frustration and I couldn’t help sympathising for her predicament. “Well, I suppose I’d better help Jackson with my next difficult patient.” She sighed as she stepped toward the Ark entrance and I fell into step beside her without a second thought. 

“Can I join you?” The question fell from my mouth before I had even considered it and she glanced over at me in confusion. “Jasper might be an ass, but he’s family. I’d feel better being nearby. I promise that I’ll stay out of your way.” I rambled, wringing my hands together nervously and Abby easily noticed my distress. 

With the remainder of our squad out of camp and heading into the unknown, paired with the struggles of the rest of my family, I was particularly on edge. I could feel anxiety seeping into every one of my movements and Abby smiled sympathetically as she nodded at me. I knew she understood that Bellamy was my stabilising element and that without him, I was struggling to keep myself from crumbling under the stress.

She paused on the spot to take my hand in hers and I widened my eyes at the sudden contact.

“Bellamy will be fine. He’s a very capable young man and he’s with Marcus. They’ll come home. You just wait and see.” She advised soothingly and I smiled at her in appreciation. I had to remind myself of the new techniques that I’d learned from Arlo and gave my independent nature a much needed kickstart. “Now, as long as you promise not to make things any more difficult than they undoubtedly will be already, you can stay with me whilst I get your other troublemaker patched up.” She commented playfully and I remained on her heels as we navigated our way to medical. 

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

Abby relegated me to the waiting area after I kept pacing around the cubicle and instead of relaxing, I’d begun circling a dent into the flooring here. The patients that were waiting to be seen were also becoming frustrated with my nervous behaviour and I avoided meeting their eyes, feeling unable to leave the unit until I could be assured that Jasper was safe.

I’d lost track of how many times Jackson had given me a judgemental look for my continued presence as he called through the next patients and when he appeared in the cramped space again, he finally cracked a smile.

“Indigo? You’re next.” He announced with an exasperated sigh and though my brows furrowed with confusion, I followed him obediently. I stepped into an empty cubicle and my stomach lurched in dread, whipping around to face Jackson with my hands trembling. “If you’re going to insist on staying, you may as well let me change your implant whilst you’re here.” He explained with an air of efficiency and I released a breath that I didn’t even realise I had been holding. For a few heart-breaking moments, I feared that he was about to deliver news that would change my life forever and I could hardly even process his words through my relief. “It’s been about three months since Abby administered it. You must be due a replacement anyway.” He added as he began preparing supplies and I rolled my eyes at his eagerness. Though I liked Jackson, everytime that I saw him seemed to result in some kind of procedure or another, even if I hadn’t sought him out myself.

“You know, it feels like every time that I see you, you want to stab me with a needle. How come we never just hang out?” I teased with a wry smile and he shook his head at me with a chuckle. He gestured for me to sit on the gurney in the centre of the room and I shuffled awkwardly on the spot. “Come on, Jackson. I hate having these things.” I groaned, fidgeting further away from him in apprehension and he paused in the middle of his preparations to glance up at me with amusement.

“Believe me. You’ll hate having a baby on Earth much more, especially considering the state that this planet is in.” He stated in a manner that seemed as if he had used this excuse to convince many other young people and I sighed, remaining stubbornly stood up. “That risk is particularly high considering how much you and Bellamy are at it. From what I’ve heard-”

“Okay!” I blurted, waving my hands manically to halt him as my face glowed gloriously red and my skin could almost blend in with my hair. “Okay.” I mumbled as I slid into the seat and Jackson smiled smugly at me. It was a low blow, even if completely effective and I despised knowing that there was still gossip circulating around camp about Bellamy and I. By now, I would’ve expected people to have lost interest in our relationship, but I suspected that my absence had refuelled the curiosity of many girls in camp who were all too keen to replace me.

“It’s impossible to live in this camp and not know who’s involved with each other. Although, you two do tend to be the most commonly discussed pairing.” Jackson remarked with a barely contained devious attitude and I was amazed at his ability to gossip and work at the same time. After my many invasive conversations with Monty, I was beginning to realise that it was always the quiet ones who traded information like fishwives and I could hardly withstand another meddling man in my business.

“It’s hard not to draw attention when you’re involved with someone who has a dedicated fan club who are all praying for your downfall.” I commented bitterly, tired of the speculation and judgement that seemed to follow me everywhere, and Jackson quirked a brow at me. “I’m honestly just waiting for the day that one of these bitches tries to take me out.” I added, scrunching my nose up playfully and Jackson cackled in delight at my cattiness.

“Well. Bellamy’s not the only one with a waiting list, you know.” He divulged with mischief glittering in his eyes and I stared at him in utter disbelief, waiting for the punchline. When he didn’t deliver one, I spluttered at the ridiculousness of the thought and couldn’t help feeling as if I were being lured into some kind of trap. 

“Oh, please! Who the hell is waiting around for me?! Other than maybe some of the old men who’d just love any young bit of stuff desperate enough to take them.” I remarked dismissively and Jackson frowned at my words. “I’m more likely to have a queue of people waiting to kick the shit out of me for running my mouth than anything else.” I added with a raw insecurity that I hadn’t meant to reveal and Jackson placed down his tools to fix me with a serious, offended stare.

“You are a beautiful woman, Indigo. I won’t stand here whilst you berate yourself. Bellamy is very lucky to have you. He’d better realise that.” He asserted, maintaining a suffocating eye contact the entire time and I squirmed in discomfort at his compliment. Seeming content that he’d shared his thoughts, he resumed his work and I kept my gaze trained on my hands. “Besides, I happen to know that there are several others who would be pleased to take you off his hands if he doesn’t.” He added with a cheeky wink and my gaze shot back up to him with shock. At this point, I was unsure if he was simply attempting to embarrass me in order to distract me from the squeamish task of changing my implant, or if he was genuinely being truthful, and I was unsure if I actually wanted to know either way.

“You’re so full of crap.” I grumbled, fidgeting in place and he slapped my knee gently to scold me for moving whilst he tried to work. 

“I’m absolutely not, but I’m afraid that I can’t name any names. I’m not the type to kiss and tell.” He remarked in a low voice and I chuckled, shaking my head at him to indicate that I didn’t believe his excuses. A few moments of silence passed whilst he finished up the task and placed down the equipment. “All I can say is that one of them shares your charming hair colour.” He hinted and I felt my stomach flip at this clue. Monroe’s nervous face filled my mind, smiling at me shyly and I felt a rosy blush spread across my cheeks. “You’re all done. I’m just going to grab a dressing from the supply cupboard. Stay there.” He instructed, before rushing from the room and leaving me to obsess over the new information.

The more that I considered what Jackson had told me, the more sense it made for him to have been referring to Monroe and I was intensely uncomfortable with this knowledge. I knew that the next time I saw the girl would likely be unbearably awkward as a result and I resolved not to mention this to anyone else, unwilling to fuel the rumour mill any further. 

There was a commotion from outside and I waited obediently for a few moments, before Jackson’s voice made my heart skip a beat.

“Jasper, wait!”

I shot to my feet and although every ounce of my body wished to run out to investigate, I wobbled on the spot with lightheaded-ness. The very minor procedure had caused my legs to shake and I scolded myself for being so sensitive. After all of the blood and wounds that I had seen down here, it was ridiculous to get this sick over a simple implant and by the time that my vision cleared enough for me to move, Jackson entered the cubicle in a fluster.

“Oh, not you too. Does anyone here listen to me?” He muttered, attempting to usher me back to the gurney but I held my ground sternly. “Alright. Let me just pop this on before you go bulldozing out there.” He conceded, busying himself with placing the dressing on my upper arm and I tapped my foot impatiently. “He’s already left anyway. Abby made him promise to come back in the morning. I should really check your ribs too before you go.” He informed, but the moment that he finished pressing the adhesive into place I tore out into the hall. Unfortunately, he was right that I had missed Jasper and instead I stumbled into a rather tense conversation between Raven and Abby.

“Maybe if you weren’t so busy being Chancellor and doctor to avoid your own pain, you’d realise that you suck at both jobs.” Raven spat as I emerged and Abby’s expression fell to one of hurt, as she was lost for any words to use in response. I paused awkwardly just out of their sight and though I felt guilty for eavesdropping, I wanted to check whether Raven would finally confide in her about the medical needs that she was currently burying. Without warning, she glanced to her side to notice me waiting for Abby and adjusted the bag on her shoulder with aggravation. “Good talk.” She drawled, before storming away and leaving Abby staring into the distance solemnly. I cleared my throat to make her aware of my presence and she quickly attempted to compose herself, before gesturing to me to approach.

“Jasper will need to attend a check-up in the morning. Think you can make sure that he comes?” She asked and I nodded back vigorously. “Good. Provided he doesn’t get an infection, he should make a full recovery.” She explained hurriedly, as if attempting to rush me away and I smiled at her sympathetically.

“I know that it’s hard, but try not to take it personally. She attacks everyone nowadays. Admitting weakness is a struggle for her, you know?” I advised , ensuring that I smiled at her supportively and as the words left my mouth, I realised that I was able to understand Raven so well because of our similarly poor methods of managing our problems. “And you don’t suck. I’m proud of the changes you’ve made to how we do things. You add some much needed compassion to the Chancellor’s role. You’re just...overworked. Let me know if I can do anything to help.” I added soothingly and was glad when her shoulders dropped some of the tension caused by the dual pronged attack of Raven and Jasper.

It took awhile for me to track Raven when I finally left the unit, checking all of her usual haunts with no success and I was about to resort to asking Gina when I noticed her heading into a backroom of engineering. I promptly followed her inside and flinched as she began noisily unpacking tools. I cleared my throat as I entered and she turned to roll her eyes over her shoulder at my timid smile. 

“Oh, great. You next in line to tell me how obvious it is that I’m not managing? Cause I’m pretty over my quota for concerned conversations for the day.” She muttered bitterly, aggression radiating off of her in waves and though I hadn’t expected to find her in a positive mood, I was unsettled by how furious she still seemed. I had intended to investigate the cause of her outburst with Abby, but quickly decided to attempt to distract her instead of directly confronting the issue when she was this wound up.

“No, actually. I’m here to discuss a mutual problem of ours. You saw the way that Jasper reacted to being held hostage earlier, right?” I presented, genuinely needing to discuss the events of the day anyway to confirm that I hadn’t imagined them and decided that this might be a simpler way to ease her into honesty. Usually, I could depend on her to share a similar opinion to mine, planning to prompt her to turn her reflections of Jasper on herself and in defiance of all my expectations, she seemed to be only further frustrated by this tactic.

“Fuck Jasper.” She growled, making her best attempt to seem thoroughly disinterested in the topic that I’d offered and I raised my brows at her cold response. “I mean, he’s not the only person in camp with a hard life, you know. I get that Mount Weather was shitty for you all and I’ve obviously worked out that he cared about this Maya girl, but he only knew her for a couple of weeks. I was with Finn for basically my whole life and now he’s gone. You don’t see me attacking everyone.” She ranted, throwing tools around as she spoke and I couldn’t contain a judgemental expression from filling my face at her hypocritical statement.

“Funny that you should say that when you just went pretty hard on Abby back there.” I commented carefully and she turned to view me with a severe scowl.

“Wow. You’re so right. All my problems are solved by your incredible insight, Indie. Thanks!” She cheered in an uncomfortably sarcastic tone and I shuffled on the spot. The temper that burned in her eyes was a clear warning that I needed to tread carefully, but her words pushed my thoughts out of my mouth regardless.

“You’re suffering. We get it. But like you said, you’re not the only one, Raven. It doesn’t give you the right to treat everyone else like shit!” I scolded, crossing my arms with annoyance and she kicked a nearby workbench in anger. A heavy silence fell upon us, whilst deep breaths caused her chest to rise and fall dramatically and I could tell that she was considering my words as she paused from attacking. I chewed my lip as I attempted to think of something to say and forced myself to regain control, unwilling to be ruled by my emotions as I had been in the past. “You know, it’s okay if you ever want to talk about Finn. He was a big part of your life and now-”

“No. I don’t want to talk about it! Talking isn’t gonna bring him back, so what’s the point?!” She yelled, lashing out with her limbs in a fiery display of rage and I stepped back out of her reach. She tugged at her hair in stress and I was taken aback by how quickly our conversation had descended into chaos. “Everyone thinks that if they just say the right thing, or give the right advice then it’ll all be okay, but it’s not okay. Everything is fucked and we’re just stuck with it. So, what’s the point in complaining? We just have to drag ourselves through life until we eventually die.” She exclaimed, before turning to view me with her hands on her hips and it was clear that she was awaiting a response. I could feel my temper burning in my chest, but I pushed it down and refused to allow her to bait me into an argument.

“I don’t have the answers for you, Raven. Like everyone else, all I can do is be here for you.” I stated in an even tone and she scoffed loudly, shaking her head in annoyance as if my words were merely a copout. Though I could easily have gone head to head with her, tearing down her defences until she was forced to address the issue that she was hiding behind hurtful words, I knew that it would not be beneficial to either of us and instead I strived to deal with this matter as I felt Arlo would. “Speaking of everyone else, I think that you need to apologise to Abby.” I revealed, forcing my voice into a firmer tone as she examined me with a sense of disbelief and I held my ground, even though I felt as if I could wither under her gaze.

“Are you serious right now?” She spat, running her hands through her hair and I nodded back slowly, being careful not to further aggravate her with my movements when I knew that my words were already likely to do so. Despite knowing that she could be about to explode, I held my ground and continued to fight my anger away from the forefront of my mind.

“Yes. What you said was hurtful, especially considering how much she cares for you. Like you said with Jasper, we’ve all got our own shit going on and Abby is just doing the best that she can in these shitty circumstances.” I clarified, maintaining eye contact despite the fact that the rage in her deep brown irises made me squirm and her face grew dark as she absorbed my points.

“Get down off your high horse, Indigo. Who are you to tell anyone how to behave?” She spat, her anger bubbling into her words and I gritted my teeth with rage. Thoughts rushed through my mind at lightning speed, with cutting words preparing themselves to wander out of my mouth and it took all of my self control to remind myself that Raven was not truly deserving of receiving the brunt of my pent up emotions. I took a long, deep breath to calm myself and held my hands up in surrender.

“Look. I just came to let you know that I still have your back, even if you don’t want me to. That’s my opinion and you can take it or leave it. Just remember this: only your best friends will tell you when you’re being a bitch and right now, you are.” I added with a significant look, before turning on the spot to leave her alone before she could lead me into an attack that I would later regret.

❖ ── ✦ ──『✙』── ✦ ── ❖

The sky grew dark hours ago with no signs of the remaining boys that we had left on patrol, nor Kane, and we hadn’t heard anything over our comms to explain their absence. The room that I sat in was buzzing with activity, as people sorted through the most recent haul from Mount Weather and I nursed a drink with a rapidly growing feeling of anxiety. The conversation that I’d had with Bellamy this morning replayed in my mind and I began to realise that he would be unlikely to be home to read me to sleep tonight.

There was a deep sense of disappointment in my chest, as this wasn’t the first time recently that Bellamy had promised we would spend time together, only for him to get caught up with guard work. Though I understood his need to contribute to our new settlement, I wished that he could have developed an interest in growing food or implementing technology for camp, instead of fulfilling a role that put him at constant risk. It was less the unreliability of his position that bothered me, but rather the fact that I knew how badly things could go wrong outside of our walls and I hated being left to imagine what kind of misfortune could have befallen him this time.

I’d been told many times that the best way to deal with a burden like this was to share it and at many times in the past I had even reminded others of this advice, but I didn’t feel able to lean on anyone else at the moment. At least for the time being, I felt like a mother that was desperately clinging to her delicate family in an attempt to hold them together and I kept my focus firmly set on their needs, rather than tending to my own. 

Raven seemed to have calmed from our earlier talk, as she chatted to Gina and I was once again thankful for her steadying influence. As I watched her settling the anger that had earlier been thrown at me with a well practiced skill, I could still sense my own frustration bubbling away from the earlier comments and sipped at my drink in an attempt to quash it. Arlo’s techniques had enabled me to behave in a far more reasonable manner on the whole, but with so many conflicting emotions overwhelming my mind, it was difficult to manage them as I had been taught and I knew that on the inside, I was simply bottling them. All that I could do was pray that no one pushed me to the point that the bottle would smash and cause them to be drowned in it’s contents.

I watched as Abby wandered over to join Raven at the table and felt some of my stress melt away as they seemed to be having an amicable conversation over their drinks, under Gina's attentive guard. Glancing back down at my own beverage, I swilled the whisky in the cup and the deep hue of the fluid reminded me of Bellamy’s eyes. I sighed with worry, battling to keep the trauma of the past from creating nightmare hypothetical situations for me to obsess over, before downing the rest of it.

As I placed the empty cup back on the table, I noticed that Jasper had entered the space and was now barely being contained by Raven. I had intended to return to my quarters for the night, but as I witnessed the rage that burned in his face, my stomach flipped and I began to make my way over to them with a feeling of dread. As I neared, he escaped Raven’s grasp and pushed another young man who was assisting to inventory clothing.

“These belonged to people.” He spat as he snatched the fabric out of his hands and waved it in front of his face aggressively. He then threw it back at him, before turning his attention to the piano that Macallan was playing. “So did that piano.” He growled as he pointed to it in determination and before I could grasp him to keep him from making any rash moves, he charged towards it. “Grave robbers!”

He tackled Macallan from the seat with a wild amount of force, pinning him to the ground with his weight and I pushed my way past Raven to intervene. Macallan quickly threw him off, with Jasper's constant state of intoxication slowing his reflexes and as he struggled to his feet, his opponent pulled back his arm in preparation to strike. I dove between them and pushed the other boy back with a temper that pulsed from my core.

“Don’t even think about it!” I warned, gritting my teeth as I squared up to him and he hesitated for a moment as he considered me. The rage earlier bubbled up in my chest and although Jasper had been the cause of the confrontation, my protective nature overtook any reasonable part of my brain “You lay a single finger on him and I will paste you, shithead! Walk away while your legs still work.” I growled, startling even myself at the intensity of my words and Macallan looked as if he might faint from my threat. I could hardly believe that something this barbaric had fallen from my lips in response to such a minor scuffle and this allowed me to realise how deeply I still cared for Jasper, despite all of his shortcomings.

“Enough!” Abby yelled, staring between the boys with authority before her disappointed gaze landed on me. “Indie, calm yourself down and take your friend with you.” She instructed, giving me the chance to throw one final glare at the terrified boy, before I turned to find an older resident manhandling Jasper to contain him. I pushed him off of my friend without a single word and as Jasper met my eyes, his anger dissolved into apprehension.

“Walk. Now.” I spat in obvious frustration and for the first time in many months he didn’t challenge me, simply turning to stumble from the room with me closely behind to escort him. 

[quentinblack]

Smoke and Mirrors

Word Count: 3K words

Chapter 11: Hestia II - The Lost Boys (link to full story on FF.net) 

Warnings: Reference to Suicide and Rape

Featuring: Hestia Jones & Jordan Turner (OC)

Hestia looked down at her list.

The name read “J TURNER – MGL – 18 – 07/05/1990”

This was the last one of the day.

Jordan Turner was only just eighteen years old when Hestia had first spoken to him at the tail end of last week, a mere few days following his birthday.

By both muggle and wizarding law standards he was now a man, but with his swept over greasy hair, fearful, mistrusting eyes and skinny frame he had seemed far more like a boy. A much worn and faded brown leather belt was the only thing that ensured his oversized, ill-fitting trousers sat near to his waist and did not fall down to his ankles.

It was difficult to believe that he was in-fact older than Harry Potter, who less than a fortnight prior had ended You Know Who’s reign of terror on Great Britain.

It had been You Know Who that had inadvertently destroyed the life of Turner, who had been taken in for questioning with a host of other captured snatchers and Death Eater associates following The Battle of Hogwarts.

Jordan had spent the vast majority of his life working on his father’s farm, which was situated in a sleepy village town a few miles south of Yeovil in Somerset.

From what Hestia had managed to gather from him in his interrogation, he would often do various chores for his father in the field late at night – and it was one fateful night last November when he’d been in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Fenrir Greyback and his pack of hungry, disgruntled werewolves had been prowling the British countryside for the best part of two decades. For the vast majority of the time their disruption had been kept to a minimum, with Greyback himself often in and out of Azkaban for various offences, primarily resolving around breaking the statute of secrecy by illegally recruiting new victims.

However, both in the years prior and during You Know Who’s rise to power, Greyback had, for want of a better phrase, had his leash unshackled.

It seemed that his reward for unblinking loyalty to The Dark Lord had been free reign to more or less indulge in whatever recreational activity he felt like. This was bad news for British farmers, as his werewolf pack preyed mercilessly on livestock all over Britain.

Hestia had suspected as much even when she was in hiding with Dedalus and the Dursley family. Where they were stationed in Wrexham picked up all of the local regional news, which for many months focused on the extraordinary story of wild wolves supposedly ravaging sheep farms all across Wales.

There were all manner of eccentric oddball farmers and locals getting interviewed by BBC, ITV and Channel 4 presenters, with each interviewee adamantly proclaiming they’d seen a giant wolf or multiple wolves going after one flock or another. One crazed man even professed he’d seen a werewolf.

Needless to say, muggles across the country, excluding the farmers and locals unlucky enough to grab a sighting themselves, did not take it altogether too seriously.

In-fact, much of the coverage was framed in such a manner that the presenters back in the metropolitan London-based studios were downright laughing at the ludicrous tales from the backwards country-folk.

Hestia even recalled Vernon Dursley, in-between laughing along at the coverage with his wife, making several offhand remarks about the Welsh being a load of ‘stupid bloody sheep shaggers’.

But the Welsh farmers and locals had not been stupid at all.

They’d simply seen and witnessed things that no sane muggle would ever be able to comprehend or understand.

Jordan Turner had been one of these poor muggles.

His only problem had been that he hadn’t simply spied or eavesdropped on Greyback’s gang from a distance, no, he’d actually been brave enough, or indeed, foolish enough to try and take them on.

Once the werewolf pack had pillaged their way through Wales it seemed they’d headed out to Bristol, Bath and then eventually made their way south to Yeovil and stumbled upon the Turner family farm.

Jordan had been bottling up some fresh cow’s milk ready for the morning Sunday market when he’d heard a commotion coming from their sheep herd. At first he had not been too concerned, assuming it was probably just a fox, or maybe even a badger.

But as he peered out into the distance he saw several large shadows on the sheep field, which was followed by a blood-curdling howl and a scream of pure terror from a sheep, which caused the others to quickly disperse.

The Turner family had followed the news for the last few months and knew all about the rumoured wolf-pack preying on local farms.

At first his father had laughed it off like most of the rest of the country, but in the last few weeks he had grown slightly concerned. There had been reports from other farmers, ones that he trusted, who were based in Bristol that had given more credible reports of something very strange and sinister happening.

Jordan had thought of running back to the main house and calling for his father when he’d heard that first sheep scream, but he’d thought better of it, as it was a good five minute run. By the time they’d both come back the wolves could’ve been long gone and taken or killed half of their herd.

He’d instead reached for the shotgun in the outhouse and fearlessly sprinted towards the defenceless sheep.

What he had seen when he’d got there had horrified him to the bone.

A big, vicious looking brown wolf with teeth as big as knives was sinking its teeth into the side of a terrified sheep.

Luckily for Jordan the wolf had been so preoccupied in feasting on its flesh that it hadn’t notice he was watching it.

The beast hadn’t noticed when Jordan had raised the gun, nor when he had taken his aim and it was only when the deafening shot had been fired that Jordan’s presence was finally known to it.

It had been too late for the wolf though, as Jordan’s shot had penetrated straight through its neck and fatally wounded it.

The blast had been so loud that it had caused Jordan’s hearing to be temporarily reduced to nothing more than a loud ringing noise, so he was unsure whether the wolf had let out a whimper or not, but after a few moments it fell to the ground, dead.

Jordan had momentarily been quite proud of himself.

His Dad would be happy with him when he ran back to the house and told him that he’d caught a wolf in the act – and put a bullet right through it for good measure, but Jordan never got to tell his Dad what he had done.

As his hearing had returned he had been greeted by the sound of fierce, loud growling behind him, which was coming from the rest of the fallen wolf’s pack – and needless to say, they were not best pleased.

He had thought that the wolf he had shot dead had been big, but many of the other wolves that surrounded him after that had absolutely dwarfed the one that he had just killed.

It had been the one in the middle that had been the most terrifying.

It looked more like a bear than a wolf.

This wolf had been massive.

This wolf had been menacing.

This wolf had been Fenrir Greyback - and he had dived for Jordan Turner, knocked him unconscious and then sunk his teeth deep inside his neck, thus forever cursing the young muggle boy with the blood of a werewolf.

Jordan had recounted to Hestia how Greyback had explained everything to him in the morning when he’d come back around.

She thought how it must be bad enough for a wizard who is aware of werewolves to be bitten and then turned into one, but she sympathised with Turner who had previously never even known they existed outside of horror movies and folk tales.

It was one thing to be told all about the magical word as an excited muggle-born receiving a Hogwarts letter on your 11th birthday, but Jordan’s sorry entry into the magical world had been the polar opposite of that happy childhood experience.  

Greyback had bullied the young muggle into joining his pack, under the guise that he was one of them now – a monster, who his family would ostracise should they ever find out the truth. Unable to fend for himself, Jordan was left with little choice but to enlist within Greyback’s ranks and do his bidding for the indefinite future.

The young farmer and many others would join a growing portion of teenage boys and young men reported as missing in the UK. The police would launch various man-hunts and missing person investigations, but to no avail, as the families would be left forever wondering what happened to their lost boys.

The next six months had seen the pack continue to ravage the country as Fenrir Greyback, quite literally, raped and pillaged his way through it. A few lost sheep paled in comparison to the number of teenage muggle girls who also began to go missing, with Turner reporting that Greyback, much like a black widow spider, would feast on and kill his helpless victims after he was finished with them. A corpse would often wind up in a local ditch, forest or river, with the police generally left baffled as to what cruel fate had fallen upon the deceased.

Turner had not understood why Greyback hadn’t held any interest in recruiting the females to join the pack, but Hestia had studied werewolves enough to have a good understanding of what his probable reasoning had been.

A female werewolf, unlike a male, can morph their body to almost three times its normal size during a full moon, as well as that they often develop twice as much of a lust for death and destruction. A she-wolf in the pack could have certainly threatened Greyback, especially if younger males within it lacking a mother-figure possibly gravitated towards her. An Alpha such as Fenrir would have never risked the possibility of having his pack taken over from within.

But now Greyback was behind bars – and, if the whispered rumours were true, he was first in line for execution following what would eventually become the Wizarding equivalent of the Nuremberg trials.

This had left many of the young and newly recruited werewolves without a leader.

A decent percentage of the werewolves that Greyback had turned in the last year were already dead of course, with many being killed in various skirmishes that their Alpha’s snatchers had encountered whilst parading around the countryside.

Those that had survived those battles, like Jordan, were then enlisted in as The Dark Lord took Hogwarts. Nothing could’ve prepared them for such a battle and with just knives, bats or their bare hands to defend themselves it was no surprise that a great number of them had fallen in the fray.

Yet just shy of 100 of them had managed to survive, which had given The Ministry a bit of a problem.

Hestia’s makeshift team had been given the job of at least partially dealing with it, as if they didn’t already have enough on their plate.

The short-term initial plan for these muggle werewolves was fairly simple. They were to have all memory of their previous life as a muggle erased.

At first it had seemed quite a drastic and harsh policy, to have them completely forget all of their family and friends, but it was deemed a necessary precaution to maintain the integrity of the secrecy act.

Hestia thought it may also in some ways be quite cathartic for the misguided young men, as they would no longer be as depressed about their fate. They could not long for the warmth of their previously loving families if they did not remember them.

The art of erasing the memory of a loved one from someone’s mind is a difficult craft to master, but Hestia had a fair amount of practice in the discipline. She had once spent 3 months on an internship in Ohio at the illustrious Munroe Hills Mind Centre, which controversially specialised in just that very branch of memory magic.

Munroe Hills’ team of highly trained, and indeed, highly paid, privately contracted Obliviators spent their time removing memories of former lovers, as well as helping people forget abusive experiences or traumatic events that they had witnessed.

There was good money to be made in the memory game in America, Canada and even closer to home in Switzerland, but Hestia was too much of a homely girl to want to move that far away. She would miss her Mother too much, even if she was only just an international Portkey away.

Hestia knocked on the door to the room that Jordan Turner had been allocated, noting that there was a bit of a foul smell lingering in the hallway.

A whole mini apartment complex had been knocked up temporarily whilst they decided upon where they would rehouse or base the remaining pack, yet, given the smell, it seemed that the former muggles had not taken to life back indoors too comfortably.

The door remained shut and there was no hint of noise emitted from inside.

Hestia knocked once more, with more power this time, but yet again, no response.

It hadn’t been a full moon the previous night, so it wasn’t as if the young wolf would be tired after being up all night.

They generally brought them their evening meal in around half an hour, so Hestia couldn’t have imagined that he would’ve wandered off anywhere.

She gave the door one last try, but still nothing.

The nasty smell felt a little more pronounced now, with Hestia guessing that it was actually coming from inside Jordan’s room.

He hadn’t seemed particularly unhygienic when she had spoken to him earlier in the week, in-fact despite his greasy hair and generally unkempt appearance, he had probably been one of the most civilised and reasonable of those that she spoke to.

“Jordan!” Hestia requested. “Jordan – It’s Hestia. Remember we spoke last week?”

Jones gave the door several further thuds, which, much like her earlier knocks, were once again met with no reply. She pulled on the knob but it seemed that Turner had locked the door.

“Jordan! Please don’t make me force my way in there!” she pleaded, but to no avail and thus she was left with little choice.

“Okay I’m coming in – I hope you’re wearing some clothes….Alohomora!”

The door swung open and Hestia saw him immediately.

He was wearing the same clothes that she had seen him in last week, save for the worn and faded brown leather belt, which was not holding up his trousers to his waist, but instead held up his snapped neck and the rest of his limp, dead body from the coat-hook on the back of the door.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

You know you're getting more asks from me since I'm obsessed with the eloquence and insight of your answers ;) A Stelena one: what do you see as their commonalities and their main (and hopefully complementary) differences? What are your five or so favorite Stelena scenes of the series? And other than wishing they had stayed together and were endgame, what's one thing you'd have wanted to see more of or less of from their relationship?!

Well, I’m always up for answering asks, so thank you for sending them in! 

To answer your first question about Stefan and Elena’s similarities, they share a lot which bring them together. They’re both incredibly emotional people; they’re sensitive and feel things deeply. This is why they both struggled to adjust as vampires, because the heightened emotions they felt overwhelmed them. In fact, as vampires they were very similar in regards to their loss of control when feeding, the depression, the ruthlessness when they had no humanity and keeping trophies from their victims. They’re particularly attuned to the emotions of others and this is the foundation for their compassion. Whilst Damon’s instinct was to kill Caroline when she first turned because she was an “inconvinience”, Stefan and Elena never once considered that and devoted themselves to helping her. Similarly, despite Damon’s actions (particularly in the early seasons), neither of them ever gave up on him and were able to sympathise with him even when he did something unforgivable. 

Their sensitivity also leads them to have another commonality: writing in journals. This is all part of the way they express themselves and process their thoughts and emotions in a healthy way. But the journals are about more than this; they’re a manifestation of the loneliness they feel. In season 1, Elena feels incredibly isolated following the deaths of her parents. Likewise, Stefan feels lonely as a vampire who is unable to connect with humans but doesn’t fit in the supernatural world either due to him not feeding on humans. So in addition to them both being emotional people, the emotions they experienced were very similar. This is what brought them together in season 1, because they had a spiritual connection and understanding that stemmed from them both feeling alone and like they don’t belong. 

Stefan and Elena also have the same moral compass and operate on the same wave length. Their priority is always to care for those around them and to act on compassion and forgiveness. They repeatedly show forgiveness and mercy to those that wrong them and their calling to help people was why Stefan wanted to be a doctor and why Elena actually became a doctor. They also share the same philosphy in regards to how they live their lives. Despite there being constant drama in Mystic Falls and danger lurking right around the corner they both believe in the importance of living in the moment and appreciating what they have in the present. 

Intellectually, they were also on the same level which we saw hints of from their exchange of books, the way they expressed themselves in their journals and interest in medicine. They also wanted the same from their life - to be human, to have a family, to be doctors. Their visions for their ideal future perfectly aligned and so in this way they also understood each other. 

As for their differences, their main one is that Elena is much more extroverted than Stefan. She’s more sociable and likes to go out and party, dance and have fun. In comparison, Stefan is much more introverted and although he’s able to socialise without any problems, he’s far from being a social butterfly. Of course, in this respect they compliment each other because Elena is able to bring Stefan out of his shell and enable him to be himself in a safe environment.

I would also say that Stefan is a darker character than Elena. Elena is certainly not a saint and she struggles to adjust to being a vampire but Stefan struggles with his darker impulses a lot more than Elena does. Whilst Elena is able to get control over her urges and impulses by the end of season 4, for Stefan it’s an ongoing struggle. I really put that down to the fact that Stefan is so much older than Elena and has endured hurt and had experiences that are so deeply embedded in him and that impact everything he thinks and feels as well as how he behaves. Even in this way though, they compliment each other because Elena is Stefan’s anchor, the tether to his humanity and what keeps him grounded. Whenever he loses control or is struggling to keep a handle on things, she’s there to act as his voice of reason and to remind him of who he truly is. 

Choosing just 5 favourite scenes is impossibly difficult because I love so many but some of my favourites are: 

3x14

I just love the angst in this scene. How Elena is going to let him leave but then catches the door just before it closes because she can’t watch him leave without saying what needs to be said. I love what she says to him and how she challenges the way in which he’s shut her and everybody out. This is Elena knowing Stefan better than anyone; seeing through the facade and knowing that no matter how indifferent he acts or how hard he pushes her away underneath it all he still cares and he still feels just as deeply as she does. I love how at first Stefan tells her to stop because he can’t handle facing up to these emotions but how he breaks down and admits how much he hates himself for the way in which he hurt her. I love the way physical touch is used; how she uses her hands to encourage him to meet her eyes but he resists because he’s too ashamed to look at her. And I love the final line “If I let myself care all I feel is pain”, because it needs to be said and now Elena can finally understand why he has been behaving the way he has. 

3x20

I love everything about this scene. Not only do they both look gorgeous, but it’s so sweet, tender, romantic, sentimental, reminiscent and pure. It’s two people that have a complex history, that have been through hell and ripped apart, coming back together and falling in love all over again. You can sense how nervous and giddy they are and how taken they are by each other. There’s a clear spark and for tonight they can forget about all of the crap they’ve been through and enjoy being together. They compliment each other, Stefan gives her a token of his love and they have a little bit of banter with the whole “Some guy I dated said it once or twice” and don’t even get me started at the way they look at each other in this scene. Definition of heart eyes.

4x01

This scene encompasses everything I love about Stefan and Elena. Elena is about to die, but she’s so selfless and loves Stefan so much that she wants to give him hope that they could find a way to save her without her having to complete the transition. They can’t even see each other, but the power of their words is what makes this scene. Elena loves Stefan so much that she died making her way back to him and right here she’s telling him that she doesn’t regret that because she loves him so much and it will always be the best choice she’s ever made. You really can’t get more true love than that.

2x11

There are three words of dialogue in this scene “Elena, hey” and “Hi”, yet this scene is so bloody powerful. The sheer relief in Elena’s face and the way she throws herself into Stefan’s arms, how he holds her close and breathes her in, the way they cup each others faces and gaze at each other so adoringly. You can see in that one look that they are each others light, they actually glow. Their kiss is passionate and filled with emotion, the way they collapse onto the bed and the perspective shifts so that we’re looking in through the window at this private moment as Elena constantly pulls Stefan closer and they kiss more fiercely. I honestly love this entire scene and will never get tired of it.

2x05

Once again, this scene is one of those that encompasses everything I love about Stefan and Elena. They’re a team and they’re united. Elena knows better than anyone the struggles Stefan has with his bloodlust and she also knows that he needs his strength now more than ever. And she trusts him and is devoted to him so much that she willingly offers him her blood. Blood sharing, as we all know, is intimate and personal and it binds them together in an extremely profound way. Her simple statement, “It’s you and me, Stefan. Always” is the perfect dialogue for this specific moment because it’s the two of them becoming one. After Stefan has feed from her, the way Elena looks at his vampire face and how she leans in to kiss him, completely accepting and showing him how much she loves him. It gives me all the feels. 

2x18

This is one of the most underrated Stelena scenes and I love it so much. After everything they go through in season 3 this is a completely honest and unfiltered conversation where they finally say all of the things they’ve been wanting and needing to say. I just love that dialogue “I never stopped loving you”, “I know that. I know you didn’t, even though I did everything possible to push you away”. It’s so honest and it’s so simple but effective. And I think it’s so powerful that Stefan is so attuned to Elena and so sure of their love that he doesn’t even doubt that she loves him. He knows that she loves him and he never stopped, but he admits that he also knows he has done so much wrong and that he probably isn’t deserving of that love. I also love that he isn’t afraid to confront her about Damon and acknowledge her feelings for him. He could easily ignore it, but he doesn’t, he faces up to it but he reassures Elena that regardless of how he feels he loves her and he will always love her. It’s such a powerful and understated scene. It reaffirms how much they love each other despite everything they’ve been through and it’s not over the top or in your face, it’s real. 

I could choose so many more, but since that’s 6, I’ll leave it there. 

[anotherhawk]

5 Times Crowley Died Carelessly (And 1 Time Aziraphale Insisted on Caring) Ch1 - Good Omens Fanfiction

Summary: The fire in the bookshop was the first time Crowley had ever experienced the horror and loss of suddenly and violently being the only occult/celestial being on Earth. Aziraphale, on the other hand, has had plenty of chances to get used to that feeling over the previous 6000 years. Spoiler alert: he hasn't got used to it. Not even a little bit.

Warning for repeated temporary character death and an exceptionally loose and inaccurate account of the Book of Genesis

This should be 6 chapters. You can read it on AO3 here or click the read more below.

He wasn't sure just why he had followed Cain out into the east. If anyone asked he'd probably say that the first murderer seemed an ideal figure to hang around, what with his general remit being to cause trouble and everything. Truthfully he just hadn't really known what else to do. He couldn't have stayed - there. The grief of Eve and Adam had been too much for him to bear.

Most of the time he stayed in his snake form, slithering along in Cain's shadow, unseen or at least unacknowledged, keeping the worst of the weather and the wild animals away from the human and, discreetly bringing him food and water on those occasions when Cain spent more than a day or so lying under a tree, staring dry-eyed at his hands.

Every time he thought about showing himself – saying something. But he couldn’t imagine what he could say that could possibly make any of this better, and he could easily imagine plenty of things he could say which would make it worse. No, the thing of it was, he didn’t understand what had happened. Not really. He didn’t understand and he was pretty sure he was the one responsible.

Eventually Cain cried less and walked more, finally coming to a beach where he built himself a little hut out of assorted tree bits woven together and took up fishing. It wasn’t much of a life, all told, but then no one had much of a life really. There should be more than this, shouldn’t there? What was any of this supposed to accomplish?

As always his questions went unanswered.

With an uncomfortable pang he left Cain behind and spread his wings to fly across the ocean. From there he sort of just kept going – flying, walking, slithering , whatever it took to keep moving and not have to stop and think. Days, turned to nights, turned to days again, and the weather got colder until eventually the rains fell frozen from the sky and gathered in heaps so white they reminded him of Heaven and he hated it. They burned too, in a way that fire didn’t, and at the foot of a mountain range he stuck his hand deep into a drift, wondering if this was holy. It wasn't, he eventually decided. It was just cold.

He gazed up at the clouds obscuring the mountain top. Maybe the view would be clearer from the top. Maybe he'd be able to look across the world and understand what it was all for. Maybe, if he was that high up, She wouldn’t be able to ignore him anymore.1

He decided to climb the mountain on his own two feet, or at least the feet he was currently manifesting. Felt like it was the sort of experience you should work for, and the burn of the ice on his feet distracted him from everything inside his head.

It quickly became apparent that this was more of a struggle than he’d been expecting. In spite of his stern words to the contrary his corporation keep insisting that it needed more and better air to breathe than was available. As a sort of revenge he stopped breathing at all, but developed a splitting headache after an hour or two. And the cold just got worse, the wind biting right through his robes until he couldn’t feel his fingers or toes at all, and his body just wouldn’t stop shaking.

Staring vaguely at the white blotches covering his fingers, he sat down heavily on a miraculously handy rock outcrop, sticking out of the snow field. Just a few moments rest and then he'd either carry on or head back down.

The snow was falling thicker again. He tilted his head back and looked up. “What iss thiss all about?” he asked, scowling as his tongue felt more clumsy in his mouth than usual. Really this body was more trouble than it was worth. “Was it my fault?” he wondered forlornly, and he could pretend he was talking to the uncaring sky, rather than an uncaring anyone else.

He'd spent time with both Cain and Abel as they'd been growing up. Keeping an eye on them, enjoying the day to day family drama. He'd been fascinated when instead of joining his parents in foraging in the forest Cain had started collecting seeds and planting them, letting food grow on the first family's doorstep instead of having to go off and find it. He'd taken to following Cain around his fields and orchards, asking what he was doing and offering suggestions until finally Cain had shoved a couple of stick tools at him and told him to help.

Well, helping wasn't the sort of thing he was supposed to do, but he figured that any way of getting close to the humans was probably alright. 2 So sometimes he and Cain would sit and talk in the fields at the end of the day, watching the sunset. And sometimes Cain would complain about his brother, about being overlooked, and about favouritism and, well, he had never been anyone's favourite anything, and so he sympathised, he really did.

 He sympathised. And he was supposed to stir up trouble. And he'd been bored. So yes, he'd egged Cain on a bit. He'd wanted some fireworks, metaphorically speaking. A bit of a barney, a good old-fashioned family argument with everyone drawn in and taking sides.

 He'd never imagined what could happen. He'd never seen it coming.

 Of course he knew about mortality, there had been plenty of animal deaths by this point. If it came to that he'd seen angels die in the War, and even more die in the Fall. But this had been different. He'd watched Cain and Abel grow up. He'd seen them running and playing together, seen Abel cry in sympathy when Cain fell and bloodied his knee, and he'd seen Cain give up his last few figs to share with his brother. He'd thought they loved each other. He'd thought he understood that at least. But he'd seen Abel lying there on the ground, his face frozen in eternal surprise, and he'd seen Cain standing over him, the rock in his hand, and he'd realised he didn't understand  anything.

 It was only a few words. Only a little temptation. “They are made in your image though, aren't they?” he shouted into the storm. “I suppose overreacting is part of the design!” He stood up dramatically, arms thrown wide and immediately got buffeted off his perch by the wind and swept a little way down the mountain.4 He picked himself up and trudged doggedly back up the mountain. “Where was I?” he asked blearily, trying and failing to find his rock. At least he wasn't shivering now. Small mercies and all that. Actually he didn't even feel that cold anymore. Clearly he was getting the hang of this corporation lark. He looked up towards the top of the mountain. Might as well press on then, really.

 He wished he'd said something else to Cain. Wished he'd said something afterwards. Eve's scream echoed through his mind.

 Cain had been cast out. Cursed. So this couldn't have been part of the divine plan, could it? All of this, all of the little family's suffering, this wasn't by Heaven's design. He had seen the shock and horror on Aziraphale's face, had been certain it was mirrored on his own. Not Heaven's design, and it couldn't be Hell's because  he  was Hell's agent and he hadn't  meant  to. It had just been a few words... But that left it being something Cain had chosen to do himself, and that couldn't be right, could it? He'd loved his brother, hadn't he? If it was a choice, why make  that  one?

 Snow was falling on his face. The ice was hot against his back. He'd just lie here for a minutes more then he'd get up and be on his way. He'd just -

  1Actually if we accept that She is omnipotent we must accept that She is capable of ignoring anything She chooses to. However if we accept that She is omniscient then we must accept that She is also constantly aware of everything that She is actively ignoring. In this way, as in many others, we should probably accept that the demon-who-will-be-known-as-Crowley is something of a headache for all concerned.

2This was the same logic that he had earlier used to justify being Eve's first choice of babysitter on date nights. His angelic counterpart3 kept a dignified distance. Crowley invented peek-a-boo, claiming he was taunting the babies for not understanding object permanence.

3Aziraphale.

4It's possible this could be considered a minor form of divine smiting as a punishment for insolence. It's more probable that it was simply weather. It may even be possible that were we to suppose divine influence in this moment that it was intended as a message along the lines of 'Get off the blessed mountain you bloody idiot, you're literally a snake, you're sitting in a blizzard, and you're not even wearing shoes.'

 It had been the first truly harsh winter and Aziraphale had been kept busy. Eve was expecting again and now.... now the boys were gone the little family had struggled to survive. He'd started off trying to be circumspect about his miracles but in the end he'd just made sure that the fields yielded a full harvest whether anyone was tending them or not, and even then as winter wore on far too long he'd resorted to miracling the food stores full again.

 It was perfectly legitimate, he told himself. The humans were struggling because of demonic action. Angelic intervention was necessary to keep them going.

 It had been demonic action, hadn't it? He'd seen the demon, Crawly, talking to Cain not long before the murder, and Gabriel had certainly been satisfied with that as an explanation. Only Aziraphale had also seen the look on the demon's face afterwards, and that hadn't been satisfaction at a job well done or even enjoyment. That had been bewilderment and grief.

 He would have liked to have had a chance to maybe talk to the demon about if after – get the other side's perspective, so to speak. But he'd been far too busy trying to help the poor parents, and by the time he'd thought about it again Crawly had gone and he hadn't come back.

 Which was fine by him, really. It stood to reason that his job would be much easier if his demonic counterpart decided not to bother doing his.

 Still, it had been a long hard winter and it wasn't surprising that he felt a little odd, he considered, as he watched the sun rising over the hillside. It was only the nature of the oddity that struck him as peculiar. 5 He felt alone, which was strange, since he'd been the only angel permanently stationed on Earth since the Garden. So that shouldn't be a new feeling at all. He'd noticed when the others left, or at the very least he'd felt their absence which was sort of the same thing. So why was it hitting him harder today? Perhaps he should check in with Heaven? He didn't have anything in particular to report, there had been nothing significant since Abel's death, and after the way Gabriel had spoken to him then, he wasn't exactly in a hurry to repeat the experience...but perhaps he should? Perhaps he was lonely. Angels  were  supposed to be social creatures after all.

 But that wasn't exactly what this felt like. It wasn't coming from him, it was coming from the world. As though some vital piece had been ripped out, leaving nothing but a jagged hole. Something was missing. Let's see, he was here, and the humans, and...oh. Oh, dear. That was about it, apart from the expected assortment of God's creatures. Just him and the humans and a jagged hole where his demonic counterpart should be.

 This was the sort of thing he should investigate, wasn't it? Heaven would surely expect a report on demonic activity. And if he focused he thought he could sense where Crawly had last been – where he'd died presumably. Or discorporated, rather? This was all so new.

 He made absolutely sure that the humans would be fine on their own for a while and set out, flying across the world in a matter of days. He could have done it faster, of course, but then someone might have noticed and he'd really rather not have to explain what he was doing every time he turned around.

 Eventually he found himself flying up the side of the tallest mountain in the world. He was well above the snow line and good gracious it was cold. He shivered and automatically performed a minor miracle to keep the air immediately surrounding him at a comfortable temperature.

 He found the remains of the demon fairly easily, thawing the ice around the sad little lump so he could dig it out of the snow. There was no sign of violence or injury. It looked as though Crawly had just laid down and died.

“What in the world were you doing up here?” he asked, knowing that he was talking to nothing but a husk of flesh, the demon himself long since departed. “And why didn't you just miracle yourself warm for heaven's sake?”

 In death the demon didn't look especially intimidating.6 In fact, if it wasn't for the pale skin and those snake eyes, Aziraphale could easily have mistaken the body for human. Remembering how Adam and Eve had acted he reached out to close the eyes over only to find that in his transition between snake and human Crawly apparently hadn't bothered to install eyelids. He clicked his tongue and smoothed out the frown lines from the brow instead. Evil was apparently troubling even to its instigators. He didn't know how to feel about that.

 There didn't seem to be anything for him to do here. This wasn't any hellish scheme, Crawly had simply got too cold and discorporated. Probably he was down in hell right now, doing whatever it was demons did on their own time. No doubt either he or another demon would be back sometime soon and the status quo would resume. In the meantime he should get back to the humans, no point in lingering here.

 He lingered there, staring down at the red curls strewn across Crawly's face. Enemy or not, empty husk or not, just leaving him here didn't feel quite proper. The remains of a demon shouldn't just be left lying around, should they? That had to be some kind of hazard. The humans might come here at some point and it might be dangerous.

 Justifications firmly in place, Aziraphale carried Crawly down the mountain and buried him beneath an apple tree.

5Not that he had much to compare it to.

6Aziraphale had never been especially intimidated by him in life either.

[salmonthestoryteller]

Talk to Me

I need to stop reading @roswellprompts

while trapped down in the bunker, michael and max are forced to deal with enough after all the years of pent up emotions and problems between them.

Talk to Me

A Roswell: New Mexico Fanfic

“I get it you haven’t been mad at me for ten years, you’ve been angry for twenty.”  Max accused.

Michael only groaned, moving past him farther into his bunker.

“Ever since my parents showed up and picked me. I got the family, I got the sister. You wanna talk about burdens?”

“Mm.”  Michael turned back to face him, looking unimpressed with his choice of conversation.

“I carry the guilt of that day everywhere. I pushed my own parents away because I am pissed they didn’t take care of you.”  Admitting to that wasn’t easy. He hadn’t wanted to be angry at the Evans, but every time he saw a new bruise on Michael, all he could see was that they’d left him behind.  “You are my family, Michael. Everything that happens to you, happens to me. Every beating, every burn, every damn heartbreak, you are never alone.”

Michael was tempted to let it go at that.  Speaking to Alex was one thing - Alex didn't sympathise, he emphasized.  There had been no pity in his eyes as he described his childhood. Only the pain of someone who understood - far too well - what he wasn't saying. Max was different. Had just described that difference in detail, yet at the same time didn't understand it.  Weren't cops supposed to take classes on this shit? Max had also just pointed out that they didn't really talk. So maybe it was time they did.

“I was angry about a lot of things back then.  But I was never angry that you two were safe.”

Max had started to turn away, but he turned back.  “What?”

“I spent four years not knowing.  And I only had my own experiences to draw on for what might be happening to you two.  Every night I spent hungry was haunted by the idea of you two having to share what wasn't even enough for one. Every time I was sent back it came with the thought you may have been split up after all.  Every hit, every cut, every insult was accompanied by the question of which you were experiencing.” Even saying that much to Max wasn't easy. He'd never wanted him or Isobel to know how bad things got. “So when I finally found you again, and it turned out you were safe the whole time?  I didn’t feel angry. I felt relieved.”

“You're telling me you weren't jealous?”

“Of course I was - I'm no fucking saint.  You just said it yourself. You got the family. I didn't.”

“You had Isobel.  You had me.”

“And at the end of each day, you two got to go home. I never got that.”  He shrugged at the admittance, despite the pained look on Max’s face. “Look, what you said out by Long’s farm?  About how it was Isobel and I who got you up in the morning these past ten years?”

“What about it?”

“...back then knowing I’d see you and Isobel come morning was what got me through each night.  You were literally all I had. Whatever jealousy or resentment, it wasn’t as strong as how much I… cared about you two.”  Love wasn’t a word he’d ever said. To anyone.

“Then answer me one question.”  Max faced off with him. “Why did you stop letting me heal you?  I never felt closer to you than when my handprint was on you, but you hated every moment of it.”

“Because your guilt was the strongest emotion.  Every time your damn mark was on me, it was like I couldn’t breath it was so thick.  I stopped letting you heal me, I stopped talking about what was happening because I couldn’t take it anymore.  I didn’t want to be some charity case you took care of out of guilt, Max.”

“Oh, for…!”  Max paced away, and then came back.  “I didn’t care about you because I felt guilty, Michael.  I felt guilty because I cared about you!”

“Then why wouldn’t you even look at me after the murders?  And don’t give me some bullshit about what we’d done. We thought then Isobel had committed the murders, and you never cut her out of your life.  I was innocent.”

“That’s why I couldn’t look at you!” Max snapped.  “Because you were innocent. You were the one whose hands had no blood on them. Yet both times you stood by us and covered up our crimes.  We stole whatever innocence your crappy life had left you with. Do you know how excited I was the day you told me you got that full ride to college?  That you’d finally get out, and have the life you deserved? And we ruined that too. There was nothing for you in this town - no life you could build yourself if you stayed. I couldn’t look at you without remembering that.  Without hating myself for it. You hated me for it, too, right?”

Michael looked around at the bunker they were still trapped in.  “Yah.”

Max nodded.  “Yah.”

Michael sighed, rubbing his hand over his face.  “Do you know why I took the blame for the murders?”

“To protect Isobel from the truth.”  Max stated, as if it was obvious.

“Because I didn’t think we’d get away with it.”  Michael told him.

“What?”  Max frowned.

“I figured something would come up in the autopsy.  That they’d question it. That we’d be caught. And the thought of Isobel in prison?  Knowing what would happen to her there?” Michael shook his head. “I had ten years of knowing how to deal with violence.  I figured, I could handle it. Better than Isobel. Better than you.”

“That’s why you were so quick to say it when Liz found out.  You planned it all along. From that first night.” The look Michael sent him was answer enough.  “I would never have let you do that.”

Michael gave a sarcastic huff of laughter.  “Yes, you would have. We both would have to protect Isobel.”  When silence settled over them, Michael moved to grab a test tube from one of his side areas.  “Let’s see if I can figure out what this stuff is.” He focused on the yellow powder on the table.

Fini

I was super excited when it became obvious Max and Michael were going to hash things out in this episode.  I have been dying for their reconciliation. Then Max ended a heartfelt speech where he finally called Michael family with a line - which I cut out - about being “trapped together in all sorts of ways.” Max would never suggest his connection to Isobel is a trap, so for him to equate his relationship to Michael that way ruined the positive aspects of his confession for me. It took it from, “I have always been willing to be there for you” to “I hate that I have to be here for you.” Every time I get into an okay place with Max after being mad at him for a previous action or phrase, he opens his mouth again.  Max, please just go back to being the strong, silent type.

I’m also a bit confused as to the truth about how Michael feels about the seperation.  Abandonment issues to be sure, but that was from the circumstances - not any one person’s actions. Both Isobel and Max keep saying he blames Max, or hates him for it.  But why would he blame him and not Isobel? Is he supposed to hate Max for it, or is that just Max projecting because of his own guilt? Michael told Alex he was relieved they were safe and I don’t feel that was a lie.  He also defended the Evans to Alex, when even Max says he blamed them. Given how close Max and Michael are in all the flashbacks, I just feel like the difference in their situation didn’t really create anger until after the murders - when Max and Isobel could build a life easily in Roswell but Michael couldn’t.  So, that’s the take I ran with.

And one of these days I will actually get around to a prompt about shipping. Promise.... Maybe...

[pandoraylamcraziness]

(after reading littlecountrymouse personal view of these events I felt I had to take this off my chest but I didn’t want to hijack their post)

So I had an epiphany this night before watching this last episode. 

I was waiting for the ep, and meanwhile I was watching (mostly listening) some Malex fanvids. It always seemed weird to me how fast I shipped these two idiots. The intensity I wished for them to be happy. The weird connection I had with Alex, even though I loved Michael. 

I had this thing with Alex in wich I understood where he came from, but still sting how he continued to go away from Michael over and over again. How he tried to make their relationship a secret, hurting Michael in the process.

One day I realized it’s bc that happened to me. I loved someone but she was scared (of what exactly I don’t know, bc our social circle was very open and had already open queer people). She kept going away, looking away. Tried to simply not talk about what we had. And that still hurts to this day.

So I though that maybe that was why I sympathised with Michael: he was “me”. He was experiencing the same as me, but with one difference: I wished I had his personality. He fighted for what he wanted, he was afraid of being rejected, but still put himself on the open for the chance Alex would choose him for one last time. Until the next last time. Over and over for 10 years.

Michael was who I wished I was, while living the same experiences.

But that didn’t explain why I felt wary about Alex. I loved him, and again, I get where he comes from. I cheered when he smacked his garbage of a father with his cane, feeling a vindication way too intense. I was emotional when he stood for Michael, wanting to protect him. And I was incredibly proud when he started to open up to Michael about his feelings.

But I still felt like I was missing something. 

Michael I wanted to protect. Bc he was going through the same things as me. I wanted to throw a blanket at him and hug him and tell him everything was going to be ok. 

But Alex? Why I felt this visceral with him?

Until this night when I was listening fanvids and a phrase I had listened thousands of times suddenly resonated with me and I had the hardest epiphany wearing pajamas and laying down in my bed with my dogs:

“No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

Now, I had spent the last year saying to my friends and whoever listen to me the importance of representation in media. And not bc you had to “fill a quota” or bc people want to see themselves on tv (shocking!), but bc media shape the way we see the world. Shape the way we react in certain situations. Can shape the way we see friendship, romantic relationships, family. Everything. 

And since “Love Simon” came, I’ve been saying over and over how that movie would have changed my world if I my teen self could watch it. How it would have changed EVERYTHING. The notion that queer relationships are not inherently doomed to tragedy and drama. That yeah, the world is shit and there are homophobic people, but if you have a support network in your friends and family, your relationship does not have to be any different than a hetero one. That queer people CAN be happy. That a queer love story doesn’t have to end in tragedy like it’s part of its DNA. That movie would have rocked my world.

And then I go back to that haunting phrase (to me):  “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”

That. That was ME. 

I suddenly realized why I felt that way with Alex. Bc I recognized myself in him, of all things. He was hurting Michael yes, but he was being a coward with himself. No matter his motives (protecting Michael), he was labeling their relationship as doomed. He wasn’t willing to fight for it bc he didn’t see a way out, a way for them to be happy. For him every time he was with Michael was stolen time. Because no matter what, what they had was doomed from the start.

Until the moment he goes “fuck that” and say that no, he was tired of walking away. He was tired of never saying what he wanted to say.

And that was me. That was me always trying to fight for what we had and in the last minute walking away, never saying what I wanted to say. Never saying “I love you. And I think you love me”. Because what was the point? Our story was doomed for tragedy anyway the moment we fell in love.

And I layed there in my bed with tears in my eyes like a fucking idiot bc I had an epiphany about something it happened 10 years ago, thanks to a fictional character that to that moment I didn’t understand why he bothered me. 

And THAT is why representantion matters. Because no matter how some stories like “Love Simon” could have changed my perception of the world, that fucking line, that fucking character would have changed my LIFE. To see someone in that situation and saying “No. I’m tired of walking away. I’m tired of not saying what I wanna say”. Alex fucking Manes would have changed my life. And I have no idea where I would be right now if I could have found him 10 years ago.

So with all this emotional storm inside me I came to watch the ep. Rewatching the Malex moments in 1x12 bc I’m a masochist and I wanted to see them again with this new found perception of Alex. Needless to say I was a wreck before the last ep even started.

Then everything happened, I got sucked into the story and suddenly Alex was trying to tell Michael everything he had in his chest in the worst moment possible. Bad timing is the new star crossed. But I was SO happy, I was ecstatic, so hopeful and SO SO PROUD OF HIM. He did it!! He fucking did it, he opened to Michael and put everything in the open!! I was going to see finally these two happy! I was going to see what could have happened to me if only...

And then in a matter of minutes everything went to shit and a cover of With Me starts to play. And I couldn’t even apreciate the wink to the original show because suddenly all I can see is Alex Manes alone waiting for the love of his life who will never come bc he choose the less complicated choice over him the moment he opened his heart after 10 fucking years.

And that broke me. Because that’s not on Michael or Maria. That’s a writing choice. A writing choice for cheap emotional shock value. And they made it after saying out loud their love was “cosmic”, they were family and how they will probably love each other always.

Because they were together in secret for 10 years, but the moment they open their hearts and decide to not hide anymore, suddenly everything goes to shit.

And what I get is that being brave only gives you heartbreak. And that being a coward destroy your soul into tiny pieces but hiding is better than the alternative. 

Great message Carina and co. You just basically said that hiding your love is preferable than being in the open. That a bi guy that loved for 10 years a gay guy, 10 YEARS (!!) would jump into a safer relationship with a woman (who is the BF of his beloved) the moment the gay opens up to him. Great. Just fantastic.

[teroknope]

Bro your writing is AMAZING!! I’d like to request if that’s cool with you? Maybe something like you’re a praetorian guard thats friends with kylo, but he doesn’t know you’re a guard (bc of the whole red theme/masks). Then in the fight scene after snoke dies Rey is fighting you & somehow ur helmet comes off and Rey is about to kill u but kylo saves you & when Rey refuses his offer to rule w him, maybe you take it instead bc u guys have lil crushes on each other?? idk man just a thought.:)

A/N : Thank you for your comment! It really means a lot to hear feedback like this, it’s really inspiring me to keep writing 〔´∇｀〕

I…really don’t know where this came from I was meant to work today but I’ve caught a cold or something; so I’ve been resting up today (By that I mean I’ve watched a SHIT ton of Adam Driver films lol). I have spent part of the day writing this. I hope you enjoy it anon!  I am sorry if it’s not up to the usual standard as I said I am a bit ill! ty for your request

Warnings: TLJ Spoilers! Don’t read if you don’t want to be spoiled for The last Jedi.

W.C: 3,500 

The honour of being a praetorian guard was reserved for the most dedicated and elite warriors; you considered it a privilege to be included in this elite group. Dedicating your entire being to the service of Supreme Leader Snoke. It was protocol to be trained in numerous martial art, perhaps the most influential being Akane, in which the imperial royal guard was trained in during the reign of The Emperor.

When you were not on duty, you were either resting or training. You took your training seriously, it was a great stress relief too. You were not sure when you would get the opportunity to train, so when you did you jumped at the chance.

This lead to a walk in with Kylo Ren himself. Ren caught you training in the room that is usually empty at that time of the day. The training room doors opened swiftly, you turned to face the open door. Your face red and your body sweaty, although you did not expect judgement as it is a training room; you are supposed to be sweaty.

“Commander Ren,” You acknowledged his presence, performing the standard First Officer Salute. You knew he was nothing like The Supreme Leader; he was better.

You knew Kylo could defeat The Supreme Leader in a combat of physical strength in mere seconds, but it was The Supreme Leaders mental ability, in particular, his strength in the force, which kept him alive. It was your responsibility to be his physical strength, your duty and your honour.

“At this hour, I normally train in this room,” He observed, his voice monotone through his helmet.

You did not know what to say, “Apologies commander, I can leave if needed”

“I can offer an alternative” He pondered “Spar with me”

You were not in a position to refuse; nor that you wanted to either.

“Yes, Commander Ren” You could not deny you were ecstatic to train with a man who wielded a lightsaber. You saw it as excellent practice, that was it, right? Nothing more.

There were numerous weapons available, you hesitated before you took the spear. Would he guess you were part of the praetorian guard? No, surely not from your choice of picking a spear.

“Let’s begin” He flicked on his erratic saber, the noise surrounding the room.

You were watching him in two ways; firstly, on the skill in which he swung his saber, as well so you could effectively block and parry his attacks. Secondly, which you would not admit to anyone, was you ogling his toned arms, well they were more than toned. Although you had not yet seen his face, you could not help finding yourself attracted to him physically

Likewise, Kylo watched you intently; he saw the strength in your physical form. You were not what he would consider a stereotypical officer to be; what stuck out for him was your individual mind. You were dedicated to The First Order but separated at the same time.

The sparring session ended when Ren knocked the blade out of your grip, it flew to the floor with an almighty thud. You were stunned, it had to be a long time since you were bested in battle.

You were breathing was short and fast, your body sweaty and warm. Ren noticed how the heat had risen to your cheeks; turning them a soft pink. He caught himself staring at you; he pulled away.

“Thank you, Commander Ren, for the opportunity” You saluted him.

“You did well; I’ll see to it that we spar again”.

That was the first time you spared with Kylo Ren and it seemed like so long. Since the discovery and pursuit of the BB8 unit you had been placed at Snoke’s side twenty-four seven, you considered yourself blessed if you got a moment to rest.

The efforts were unsuccessful, and Kylo Ren was at the front of the scrutiny of Emperor Snoke.

“Take off that ridiculous thing off” Snoke whispered, urgently and seriously.

You began to hate how he spoke to Ren; but more so why had you come to idealise a man you don’t really know or understand. But you wanted to, so much.

Praetorian guards were conditioned to react to any unspurred movement in the vicinity of The Supreme Leader. You watched the scene unfold; he had recently returned from his fight with the other force user. Being at the side of Snoke you heard the untold rage, anger and disappointment that he felt.

When Ren adamantly removed his helmet; the Ren you saw was not like the man you use to know. He looked so defeated, his dark hair fell in front of his pale face. You noticed how his right eye was a dark red, bruised and sore. Not to mention the new edition of the sharp scar falling across his eye; although the thin black bandaged covered the majority of it. You were observing Ren as Snoke continued his verbal abuse, your ears clocking back to the current moment when Snoke roared;

“… he split your spirit to the bone. You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber, you failed!”

Kylo reacted, as any individual would. He began to hastily rose to his feet but Snoke was always one step ahead, he released a wave of force lightning which sent Ren smacking the cold ground.

You empathized with his pain immensely; the crimson armour you wore would send sharp electric currents throughout the panels. A necessity to deflect blasters and lightsaber.

The conditioned bodies of the guards reacted the moment Ren rose to his feet, yourself included. You all shifted to a battle stance; your decorated spear pointing towards Ren, the man you admired so much. The base of the spear was the same red as your armour but was decorated with a beautiful silver blade, no doubt made from the finest silver in the galaxy.

The moment Snoke returned to this throne you relaxed, spinning the spear to stand on the ground; the tip peering over your shoulder

The man you saw was not the Kylo you had come to know; although he was unaware that you knew him. He left the room and entered the elevator, you could only imagine what was whizzing through his mind.

Eventually, you were allowed to rest, you returned to your quarters. Shedding off the heavy armour. You stepped into the hot shower, letting the water wash away the intense situation that occurred today. Your mind could not help sympathising with Ren; you found yourself becoming nostalgic on the times you use to spar with him.

“Thank you for the opportunity once again, Commander” You hated being formal, but it was necessary. A few hours before Ren had left a message for you on your transceiver, a request to spar with him again. 

You would not deny yourself the opportunity; you were excited about the experience. The moment you read the message your world brightened ever so sightly.

You and Ren were in the same training room as before, although this time you had not chosen your weapon. You glanced over the display of various tools and devices.

perhaps something different this time? You considered.

“No, the same weapon as last time” He spoke, ah, you had forgotten how to force users can sense the smallest detail of your mind. 

“Yes, Commander” You affirmed, grasping the spear. While you were checking it over, you heard whirs and clicks that you did not recognise. Followed by a thud. You turned your head and for the first time saw the commander without his helmet.

You understood it was more of a statement rather than a need to hide anything he was ashamed of; you thought how you liked his physical features. Especially his hair, you then reminded your thoughts to be quiet.

He already had heard them of course, but he did not tell you that.

You both took the position, standing opposite each other.

“Let’s begin” He unsheathed his saber, and twirled it at the same time.

The training was far more intense than the one before, you had both gotten accustomed to your fighting style. Making it more challenging. As expected Kylo once again bested you in battle, throwing you to the floor, the spear dancing on the floor as it flew from your hand.

He held his gloved hand out to you, you took it gripping it tightly. It was so much…larger than your own. 

“Thank you again, Commander” you wheezed out, trying to look respectable.

You left the shower, finally relaxed and able to sleep for the night. You hoped Kylo Ren also had ease sleeping that night, you imagined he found it difficult to sleep most nights, especially with the responsibility he carried. What followed the next day would continue to prove you wrong.

The reflection of a hissing blue blade bounced off your armour, your mind and body coming to attention the moment it ignited. You watched as it pierced through The Supreme Leader. You stopped breathing for a short second; you faced Snoke and watch the blade be pulled from him, cutting him in half.

Instantaneously you equipped your spear; yourself and the other guards began your assault on the girl and Ren. You could not show resilience, you could not show you did not want to kill the person you admired the most. But you had a duty above all.

Fate had landed you in the position to fight the girl, wielding the blade that killed Snoke. He was fast, although slightly inexperienced but the rage made up for this. The rage seethed through her eyes as her blade hit your spear. You focus was on her, but you observed from the corner of your vision how your fellow guards fell one by one.

This is it you gravely thought. The end of your life was near.

The girl scraped the saber against the floor, the hot sparks bouncing off your armour. The blade swung close to your feet, you instinctually stepped back. Unfortunately not far enough.

As she pulled the blue saber up it ripped through the front of your crimson helmet. Scraping away at the armour, somehow missing the right side of your face.  It obliterated the front of the helmet; leaving a large gaping chunk. Rendering it useless. Nevertheless, you continued to fight back.

Kylo watched as Rey glided through the helmet like it was nothing; the more you moved the more the masked chipped away. 

Eventually, the right side of your face was exposed

It’s her. The thoughts whizzed through Ren’s mind. The one I sparred with.

The right of the helmet continuously chipped off, you got frustrated. Ripping off the rest of your helmet. You could still feel the heat of the saber lingering on the broken armour.

This was when the girl used the moment to her advantage.

You were no stranger to being hit by the force, in the early days of your training you were frequently conditioned to withstand such an intense power. She held out her hand in front of you and your body came to a sudden halt. You knew what was coming.

She forcefully pushed you, sending you flying into the wall very high from the floor; your back violently crashed into it. You felt your armour crack, which spread throughout your chest area. 

Miraculously the armour still proved useful as you fell to the floor with a depressing thud, your spear falling arm length away from you. if it was not for your Armor you would not have survived the fall; although the pain was indescribable. 

Your eyes were begging to close, but you force them open. The impact had flown through your entire being, affecting you in multiple ways. You thought this would be it; she would come to finish you off. You imagined her shoving the lightsaber through your chest, this is how you would die. 

By the grace of the gods, it seemed the girl had forgotten you once you were out of her immediate proximity and focused on your fellow guards. One was holding Ren in a choke, you could see him struggling

She threw her saber to Ren, who in one click of a switch put it through the head of the last guard. 

That’s it, you was the last one.

The girl then turned to you. It appears she would not show you mercy after all, anyway why would she? You served the most powerful and most destructive being in the galaxy; there would be consequences.

Your arm weakly stretched out and gripped your broken spear; although it was not in its prime it was still sharp. A last-minute defence.

Her eyes bolted to you, she saw you reach out and grip your weapon. You could feel her march over to you, her footsteps heavy on the metal floor. Although your senses were blurry, you could tell at the velocity in which she was coming to finish the job.

“Rey” That deep voice, which you had come to admire called out. She ignored it and continued powering towards your defenceless body.

“There is no life left in that one” Your heart sank.

“leave her to die”. Your heart sank even more.

You were not sure if it was due to the intense physical pain that she caused or the intense emotional pain that he had just inflicted. But tears begin to sting your eyes, dripping down your bloody face.

Had Kylo Ren betrayed The First Order? Was he to return from where he came? Anger and confusion surged through your veins, Ren could sense this. Rey thought he was staring at her, but he was staring through her. At you.

Trust me, stay still, do not move. His voice reverberated through your mind.

Calmness washed throughout your body, although this was not the best decision in this moment in time as you felt your body beginning to slip in and out of consciousness. Resulting in you hearing parts of their conversation.

“It’s time to let old things die…We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy”

So, he had not betrayed The First Order; not entirely.

“Please, don’t go this way” She begged

‘Your nothing, but not to me” Oh, did he care for her? It seemed like she did

“Join Me” Ah, another stab in the chest.

“Please” He was pleading; you sort of hoped she took his decision. You could imagine the consequences if she did not.

You regained a clearer consciousness when you felt a strange force hitting your body. You forced your sore eyes open; observing Ren and the girl pushing themselves away from one another. The lightsaber hanging in the middle. Momentarily a bright light surrounded the room, both of them flying in opposite directions. The sheer force of the blast rolled you over, knocking you out once again.

By the time you awoke the throne room was somehow worse than before, more specs of fire falling from the ceiling. You looked around the room.

The girl was gone. Perhaps she had offered you mercy or had more important matters to see to. Either way, you were relieved, and very lucky.

Wait, Kylo. His name shot through your mind like a speeder, your eyes desperately searching for him. You could not mistake his broad frame, collapsed on the metal floor, his back facing you. You could not tell if he was breathing, you still had a duty, you had to get closer to him.

You slowly rose to your feet by leaned up onto your knees, continuing onto standing on your right foot and then you left. Your body ached like no pain you had ever known.

You limped over to Kylo; your weight bearing down on your injured left leg. You held onto your side in which the girl cut you, while it was not a deep cut it hurt badly. You could feel your muscles begging for rest. Eventually, after what seemed like far too long you reach Kylo’s body. Your training kicked in; begrudgingly you knelt down next to him. Letting out a groan of pain as you moved next to him,

“Commander Ren,” you called to him as loud as you could, which was actually the sound of whispering.

You hastily removed the armour from your right hand, Flexing your fingers. The soothing air hitting the bloody skin. You placed two fingers on Ren’s neck, feeling for a pulse.

It was there, faint, but there. You sighed. Thank the heavens.

Commander Hux entered the room, his face paler and pastier than usual. The destruction was beyond what he had imagined. He wearily walked over to The Supreme Leader’s split body; he watched The Supreme Leader’s lower half fall to the floor. The thud reverberating throughout the shattered room.

You had not glanced at his corpse once. You did not desire that image burned into your mind for the rest of your days. You were unaware of Hux gazing at you and Ren, you were too focused on making sure The Commander was alive; as a consequence, you were oblivious to Hux maliciously pulling out his pistol.

Kylo awoke with a gasp, his head facing the floor. You instinctively placed your hand on his shoulder, he gazed at your bloody face. 

“Your alive” He gently spoke. Kylo stared at you; he noticed how your bottom lip had a large cut in which the blood around it had dried up. Your eyes bloodshot, your face once perfectly clean was covered with small nicks, bruises and blood. He only imagined how bruised your body would have looked. Ren could tell you were in agony, but admiring you for persevering

Hux placed the pistol back into its holster, sneakily pulling his back coat over it.

“What” Hux was pissed, you had only known General Hux around The Supreme Leader, like a doting child. You had never heard such anger in this voice although you imagined him to expressing it frequently. “Happened”.

“The girl murdered Snoke” He was lying through his teeth, it was necessary for his survival.

“General” You stood hastily, the pain shooting through your body. Hux could tell you were in great pain, he did not care.

“I can corroborate with Commander Ren, what he speaks is the truth”.  You saw Hux’s pale eyes gaze you up and down; no doubt judging you for how defeated you had looked. You would have no motive to lie, you were a guard and nothing more. You saw Hux’s eye observe you with concern. Kylo hastily stood up,

“What happened?” He sturdily asked Hux.

“She took Snoke’s escape craft” Hux spoke, grinding his teeth in anger.

“I know where she is going…get all of our forces down to that Resistance base, let’s finish this” He asserted his authority, without a shadow of a doubt.

“Finish this?” You instantly recognised the threatening tone of Hux’s voice. “who do you think you’re talking to?”

Your aching body reacted instinctively, taking a defensive stance to the side of Ren. Albeit you would be useless without a weapon and not to mention how beaten up your body was. It hurt to lift your limbs so it would be impossible to perform hand-to-hand combat. He did not need you to defend him, but it was more of a symbolic signifier to general Hux. One which Kylo did take notice of.

—-

After Ren had force strangled Hux and assumed his position as The Supreme Leader you hastily retreated to your chambers, you knew the fight was not over. But you were no use to anyone in this physical condition. You tore off the remains of your crimson Armor, countless panels laying on your once clean floor.

There was no time to take a shower regrettably as you would begin the assault on the rebel base, in which Ren asserted that you would accompany him.

The sound of the door sliding open brought you to attention, you walked out of your private bedroom freshly changed into your First Order uniform; he was standing there, with troopers behind him.

“Leave us,” He commanded the pair, who took watch outside of your chambers.

There was a pause for a short second “I never suspected you were a praetorian guard” he inquired.

“You never asked” You smirked at him, “Besides, I felt best if I kept my identity as a praetorian guard a secret so it would not impact my duties” You muttered, actively lying through your teeth. Since you had met Kylo your entire stance on being a guard had changed, watching Snoke torture him made your blood boil.

“I am still bound by my duty. If you would have me, I want to serve you. Although I feel that was obvious by my actions earlier, I feel it had…value if I say it to you directly” You warmly smiled at him.

He took a step closer to you, your heart leapt for a second.

Ren’s eyes never left yours, moments ago he was betrayed by the one person he believed would join him. Yet here you were, someone who had always been there, diligent, loyal and strong. It made his heart slightly flutter.

“So, you will join me?” He repeated himself, he was so close to you that the personal space was almost none existent.

“You never had to ask, I am always at your side Supreme Leader Ren.”

[ritebeforeyoureyes]

Confessions

This is now officially the longest multi-chapter fic I’ve written ever! Sorry it took so long to get out! I have just started juggling two jobs and university, so my free time is limited. I promise I’ll try and upload/write whenever I can x

Masterlist – Plot: Zendaya and Nikki talk.

Confessions (Chapter Twenty Five)

“What’s with that?” Zendaya glanced between Tom and Nikki, witnessing the evident hostility between mother and son for the first time. It was the day after the premiere and the closest cast and crew had gathered for a more intimate dinner before everyone was set to go their separate ways. However, within seconds of seeing Tom and his mom interact, Zendaya could tell something was up.

“Nothing.” Tom turned his attention towards Laura, who was talking about a future project that she had lined up and Zendaya glared at him, completely dumbfounded. She wasn’t born yesterday, and deep down, she knew the reason behind Tom’s strained relationship with his mother was her fault and she couldn’t help but feel guilty. The only reason Nikki had said what she had about Zendaya was because she was looking out for her son. Zendaya understood that. She was exceptionally close to her own mom and she was certain hers would have done the exact same if the shoe was on the other foot.

“Hey, do you want a hand?” Once Zendaya was sure that Tom was completely engulfed in his conversation with their co-stars, she snuck out from beside him to help Nikki with the dishes; he hadn’t even noticed her leave.

“No, sweetie, it’s okay … you relax-“

“I insist.” Zendaya took a stack of plates from Nikki’s hands and wordlessly followed her into the kitchen so that they could speak alone. Tom was stubborn, incredibly so, and Zendaya knew she needed to help break the ice between him and his mom before the drama escalated. If Tom wouldn’t talk to her about what was going on between them, maybe Nikki would.

“Thank you, dear.”

“Mrs Holland-“ After everything that had happened, Zendaya wasn’t sure if she was comfortable calling Nikki by her first name. But, from the mocking glare that was sent in her direction, she knew Nikki wanted her to. “Sorry, Nikki, if you don’t mind me asking … is Tom off with you because of me?”

“No, don’t be silly, sweetie-“ Nikki knew Zendaya, poor girl, had suffered through enough recently and she didn’t want her to blame herself for the strained relationship between her and Tom. Zendaya may have been the route of the problem, but it wasn’t her fault. Nikki just found it hard to grasp the concept of her eldest son growing up. She still pictured him flailing and pink in her arms, a curly head of hair. She knew that letting Tom make mistakes was a part of his growth and she was wrong to have interfered in his relationship, but she also wasn’t going to sit by and watch as he ruined his future. And as a result, she wasn’t going to apologise for having his best interests at heart. Regardless of how things went down, Nikki’s interference had been in Tom’s best interest and she wanted him to understand that.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to lie to me.” Zendaya huffed dryly. “I’m sorry for having gotten in the middle-“

“Don’t apologise, Zendaya.” Nikki put her dish towel down to grasp Zendaya’s forearms in a loving manner. Her hands stroked at her skin in a motherly fashion, a genuine smile imprinted on her face. “I’m the one who should be apologising to you. I know what you’ve been going through is hard and I can’t commend you enough for staying so strong through it all!” Zendaya returned Nikki’s smile with light tears in her eyes – happy tears. Loads of people sympathised with Zendaya after the whole stalker ordeal, they pitied her, and it seemed Nikki was the first person who had acknowledged how put together and strong she still was. It was definitely nice to hear out loud. “I want to say sorry for everything that happened with you and Thomas, I just wanted to protect him-”

“Please don’t embarrass me, Nikki, you have nothing to apologise for! I broke up with him because I agreed with you. I wanted to protect him too. That was a decision I made on my own and he can’t blame you for that.”

“Tom’s just stubborn … he gets it from his father.” Nikki joked and Zendaya laughed. “I know my intervention in your relationship was probably uncalled for but when you’re a mother, you’ll understand why I did it.”

“I think I understand already, my mom would do anything for me too.” Zendaya had spent her adolescent years without her mom. It wasn’t the most ideal of situations, but Claire had parted from her only child so that she could live out her dreams of being an actress. Whilst Claire still kept her teaching job in Oakland, Kazembe moved to L.A. with Zendaya. Claire had spent many a night by herself, yearning for a cuddle from Z. She missed her beautiful face and her whimsical cheer, but her feelings didn’t matter, not in the grand scheme of things. Claire was happy to let her bird fly out of the nest – really prematurely – if it meant she could got to live her life. “Caring for your son isn’t a crime, Nikki, and I also want to thank you. The fact that he wanted to honour our relationship and stick by me through everything is partly because of your upbringing. You raised him to be a gentleman and it’s admirable-”

“Okay, now you’re going to make me cry.” Nikki felt the bring salt water trickle down her face involuntarily and she wrapped Zendaya’s tall frame into a hug. “Thank you for making my son happy. I couldn’t be prouder of his choice in companionship.” The two were hugging so tightly, they’d barely noticed Tom make his way into the kitchen. “Welcome to the family, darling.”

“What … what’s going on?” Tom stuttered the question but the smile on his face was inexcusable.

“Get over here, jerk.” Zendaya instructed sternly, Tom obliging wordlessly. “I want you two to sort out whatever it is that’s going on here,” As she walked past him to re-join her co-stars, Zendaya whispered a, “please.” Into his ear.

It was hours later when Tom returned from having spoken to his mother. Zendaya had been the push that they’d needed, and she’d seemingly helped them iron out their issues. Nikki wanted Tom to respect how much that she cared for him and Tom wanted her to respect his independence. Things were easier said than done but it was nice to know that both parties were trying to take an active role in changing their behaviour. But, in the time that Tom was gone, he’d missed Toni and Jacob’s pancake eating contest, Toni’s consequent vomit and the departure of many of his friends. In fact, he’d only made it back to Zendaya just moments before her eyes closed for bed.

“Hmm.” Tom quietly snuck out of his clothes and crawled into bed with her; he was big spoon, his body enveloping her warm frame. She snuggled back into him, her legs pulling up into her chest. “How did it go with you-“

“I love you.” Before she could finish her sentence, Tom cut her off, his lips placing gentle kisses against her exposed shoulder. This ‘I love you’ was different to his first, this time, it was loaded with a double meaning. He loved her because he did but he also loved her for actively trying to repair his relationship with his mum. Despite all the drama and the arguing, Nikki was an important part of his life and Zendaya had clearly been aware of that. If it were possible, Tom was now more in love with Zendaya than he was a few hours ago.

“I love you too.” Zendaya giggled softly, her brain nonverbally understanding the magnitude of meaning behind his words.

“Be my girlfriend again, Zendaya.” After moments of pregnant silence, Tom’s words echoed throughout the room. However, he didn’t get the answer that he was looking for when Zendaya’s loud laughter filled the space. Her body hunched forward, and she turned her head to look back at him.

“I thought this meant we were back together?” She motioned between them two of them in bed with her finger before letting her lips dictate his.

Their kiss started off slow, her trying to reassure him that the thing between them was real before the speed (and the intensity) increased.  Instantly, Tom was a goner, letting her take the lead of their kiss. He felt every inch of her mouth with his tongue, the distinctive taste, smell and sight of her enrapturing all his senses. Their hands roamed each other’s bodies as a consequence, the desperation evident in the both of them. And as their desperation increased, so did the need for air. Zendaya’s chest was heaving violently against his own and he reluctantly dragged his mouth away from hers so that they could catch their breathe.

“I want to do this properly this time - you and me.”

“Yes.” And finally, it seemed like all order was restored in the world of Tom and Zendaya once again.

If you enjoyed this piece and would like to help further me and my work, please support me whilst I try to raise money to do a ‘walk for charity.’ The money you donate will help create awareness for cancer research and will allow me to have added support throughout my journey. It is one hundred per cent a voluntary pursuit and greatly appreciated, however, your lovely comments and votes are always welcomed too. Thank you for being the greatest: https://ko-fi.com/D1D072V0

[elizabethrobertajones]

With how things are going, I have to wonder - did TPTB give us the Huevas as a 'there, we don't hate gay people' token and were we wrong in reading it as a subtext-to-Destiel thing? Lizbob, I'm getting desperate. The 'so introduce me' line was so - it's what you say to kids, right? And the UST is completely gone... :(

Hi there! 

Is this because of this post from the other day where the line about “twice the worries about being ganked” was put under some destiel stuff to show that Dean had in fact doubled his worries about getting ganked? And also explains why he keeps telling Cas not to do anything stupid, because he’s worried, and not because he thinks Cas is actually stupid… Buckleming dialogue or not it’s calling back to 12x10 where Dean had to clarify this for Cas and admit he can say stuff like that when he’s worried. I’m not saying it’s very nice to keep on heckling Cas instead of just saying he’s worried, although I do feel the choice of writer really waters down the nuance in how that scene could have gone which would show Dean actually learned anything from 12x10. And while Cas shouldn’t have to expect to deal with Dean caring about him this way, at least we’ve already covered this in the text :P

But anyway, to me personally I just don’t write about Destiel that I see in the show with expectations that it will go canon, not because I’m negative or wanky about it (although, usual disclaimer, of course I’m very opinionated on if it SHOULD and the obligation the show has to do what they are constantly teasing, I just separate out these two things to write about the present moment of the show and the future, one of which takes a lot of explaining and one of which is extremely one note obvious of “make it gay, you cowards”), but just that I don’t want to engage in the cycle of optimism/despair that having Destiel hopes causes, specifically because I’m a popular meta blog that writes about Destiel in the text, and also because of people like you who get their hopes up and then get hurt.

I will probably merge expectations with demands when the show is actually definitively heading towards the end and we all know it is and it’s out there on the table. In the mean time, I’m happy to let this all carry on as it’s carrying on without feeling like there is a deadline or set moment for any one thing to pay off for us. The show takes its sweet time to address things which seem OBVIOUS, for example looking at the way side characters disappear and return sometimes like 3 or 9 or 13 years after we last saw them to get some closure on something or other. And it takes them years to chase down a main arc idea and pin it successfully. And some of the reason character development stuff links so well back to season 1 is because the progress Sam or Dean has made on it since season 1 has been in a series of recursive loops which seem to get somewhere only to be pulled back without reaching actualisation and either start again immediately or crop back up in the text much later as a character arc, starting over again as if it never really reached its conclusion. 

Dabb era has been good about excavating some of these more ridiculous concepts and putting them on some no-going-back type arcs, for example for better or worse the issues they have with Mary have *utterly* shifted ground and can never go back to the same background noise they used to be. Mary is no longer a childhood memory and enshrined as the family martyr, and as I talked about a lot over the last hiatus doing rewatches, the attempts to make her deeper/tie her into the mythology, never actually addressed a change in the way they felt about her, maybe not even realising it wasn’t healthy for them to feel that way about her for the rest of their lives in the difference between normal mourning and revenge quests etc and how that meant they could never leave her behind and move on. I mean there’s a LOT of work to be doing with them if there’s any sort of happy ending to come, but since Carver era the writing has spent so much time trying to understand why they feel bad and putting them through hell for it, and especially in Dabb era now doing work to make them recover and to explore ways they can change, that it seems really depressing to waste the good work by killing them off. So that’s a sort of broad optimism about what they’re doing :P

But that broad optimism is really as far as I’ll dare to venture about endgame, so talking about Destiel is mostly about what I see in the text and how it relates to their character arcs and how I see that informing them and therefore hopefully if there is a happy ending, the intrinsic way this relationship matters to Dean and Cas will get happy pay off as well, because of all the aspects being explored in their character arcs, their relationship ties is all together so nicely and what they would benefit from each other would cement a happy ending for them.

I can’t be completely responsible for the impression people get about what I want from canon in the stuff I reblog but I’m really hesitant to go past lines like nervously laughing and doubting what’s going on in canon as a joke about how Destiel it all looks, while trying to avoid posts that talk about how inevitable it is without some very good reasoned discussion that I agree with. I try very very hard to make this blog always toe a line of enjoying what I enjoy without trying to sell too much or sound like I’m promising something. I like a lot of stuff like re-exploring old seasons or what I did this summer over my rewatch, looking back on old canon and looking at how it has all the unwitting groundwork for the story that ended up being told, and where all the character arcs start and how they’re used in later canon etc.

I agree a theme the last few years has been digging up this character stuff and making it extremely clear or textually stating things for the first time, and especially this year coupled with themes of misinterpretation or not reading the picture correctly or working on misinformed intel. Dramatic irony has never had that much importance in telling the story either. This season has been really intelligent about these themes and last season did a LOT of stuff with characterisation to show how they understood them and old character stuff they were resolving or exploring for the sake of improving the characters. Cas got a final build up for his depression arc to lead him to the worst possible point, and he’s now on the other side of that so the only way is up. Performing!Dean got completely dragged in some episodes, especially 12x11 which did it kindly and gently, and 12x22 which just used a grenade launcher to do it :P 

There’s a lot going on but I don’t really like saying it all inevitably ends up pointing to canon reveals about Destiel, especially when that’s the most contentious thing and really hurts a lot of people to build up expectations like that, and it makes people angry or makes them fall out of love with the story because they lose objectivity and start making angry demands about when they get their emotional pay off, even though the story is still unfolding. Stuff which is happening along the way for later character pay off is seen as trashing the character and everything they previously stood for, and it becomes miserable for everyone. I’ve seen this happen in every single faction of the fandom and it’s nothing to do with the quality of the writing or actual treatment of the character/relationship, and an awful lot to do with poorly managed emotional investment and said investment being a finite resource. It’s UTTERLY depressing to watch a fandom friend melt down and begin to hate everything you once loved and I think watching that process has a lot of toxic fall out for everyone else around them who also loves the thing, because we sympathise and we’ve been watching it in slow mo and probably agreeing with a lot of the initial problems they have before it escalates. I HATE watching that happen. I will try as hard as I can to never be responsible for causing it in other Destiel shippers, so I try to make my jokes and comments stay as much as possible on the side of not trying to imply the show has any huge Destiel plan that we’re seeing the early stages of and patience will make it bear out. Because that’s not even how I see the show anyway but sometimes things like Dean giving Cas a mixtape create a *lot* of hyperbole and I’m not emotionally responsible for you all, technically, so I am allowed to have some fun :P 

All this is to say, I’m really sorry you’re feeling desperate and have been reading everything as signs we’re definitely getting Destiel, because there are no signs we’re definitely getting it, but there’s also no signs we’re definitely NOT getting it, and a whole bunch of murky grey area including an entire show worth of supportive subtext, character interaction, main text and plot arcs which back up the *existence* of Dean and Cas being madly in love with each other. The wank comes when you spend all your time harping on one or the other extreme, assuming everything is signs or proof/not proof.

I think the recent storytelling has been extremely positive towards Destiel and put an awful lot of it into the text, to extremes which have never really happened before: season 7 with dead Cas used that to get some understandable angst out of Dean, but it constantly emphasised how everything sucked, Cas had of course betrayed Dean and caused all their problems, both personal and mytharc, and so resentment and anger were mixed with grief, and for the most part as much as stuff was happening to them emotionally, the episodes weren’t intrinsically structured around showing what the grief had done to Dean, or that he stopped functioning without it. Compare the kid gloves about what Dean does in 7x03 killing Amy, and how it tentatively links back to Cas but only when Dean admits that he’s had a hard time trusting anyone after Cas, to Dean vs Jack culminating in Dean screaming in Sam’s face about how Cas’s death has hurt him and he can’t unsee it on Jack. 

And then of course the whiplash on getting Cas back, which Dean never had in season 7, and at best 8x08 was that episode - like a year after Cas was alive again and a whole fresh round of death and guilt and Cas coming back later so in a completely different context. And still nowhere near as good as what happened in 13x06 because there was still a lot of tentative TFW rebuilding to do in 8x08, while by now it’s completely accepted they’re a family unit and it’s been textually stated several times and 12x12 especially was tuned to showing how absolutely final that statement is. There’s no need to be tentative when Cas comes back now - Dean can just let go and enjoy himself for as long as that lasts.

I’ve been answering asks about the UST being gone since I’ve been in fandom, like, season 10, and I do kinda think that the heyday is ONLY seasons 4-6, after which Cas and Dean actually like each other and their relationship moves to more comfortable ground, and romantic tension and coding is way more the order of the day from Carver era onwards. There’s a few things like the boner scene or Dean in the car in 9x06. TBH 13x06 was the first time in ages I thought we’d actually had a scene where the two of them were having sexual chemistry, in the obvious mirror scene to the car in 9x06 bit, but also the entire underlying joke about Dean’s ‘cowboy fetish’ that Cas knew about from season 6, his entire reaction to it, including complaining that Dean made him wear the hat but then voluntarily playing along *for Dean* on their way into the crime scene, his FACE while doing that, and Dean’s reactions to Cas through all this. For the most part they’re considerably softer and more hesitant with each other and that involves much less interaction right up in each others’ faces and much less frustration which then translates to UST quite easily as well as being regular old tension. 

In addition to that, the “i do” and that hug scene apparently convinced people in living rooms across the world that Dean and Cas had been about to kiss and that it was horrifically romantic, and a fake out which genuinely shook people into seeing something going on there who had not previously seen it and even actively disbelieved their shipper friends and family. Of course that’s all down to how Dean and Cas look at each other as they come in for the hug, so their magnetic attraction to each others’ faces is still an ongoing issue :P 

Their interactions are being told in a pretty different way these days, which includes a lot of romantic stuff which is far more overt, and in making their relationship intrinsic to the plot and to each others’ own feelings, all of which I’ve written about so much lately because, well, it’s the main thing going on around here :P I actually feel like this is an extremely good time for if you care about their relationship, to get it in the story as a powerful force and important piece of the story. Things like the issue of clarification - I vs we, and need vs want - are coming back around as themes and that means the issues they’ve caused between Dean and Cas are being addressed or examined again, hopefully to some permanent end. And if not, at least so there’s a fresh examination in recent canon, although as I was saying Dabb era has been changing things in ways it’s hard to back off from later, like that Dean has repeatedly clarified to Sam that his feelings about Cas are the cause of his behavioural changes, even if he doesn’t say what those feelings are, it’s clear that they are affecting him. I mean there’s a part of me that has to read it that Dean hasn’t even realised exactly why he feels differently about Cas than Sam does, he just does… :P

Anyway I really just didn’t want to reassure you without addressing the fact I hate reassuring people things without trying to avoid causing more problems later. I don’t want people to feel strung along either by the show or by ~meta writer promises~ … which, aside from a few people who really were doing it for attention, generally seem to be from people actually just reading the text and being hopeful themselves, not trying to make a cult gathering or get attention or even just try to hurt people. I really urgently would like people to be more credible about where their hopes are coming from and how to feel about it. 

Not to say that you should stop believing everything you hear meta writers say, by a long shot, but to evaluate how likely you feel the speculation that comes from that can be, and how much you do and don’t agree with the analysis they make. And if you agree with the analysis and do see that all the Destiel stuff people point out IS in the show, then you can see that it’s there or not, and decide how you feel about what the show is doing with it as a separate thought. I’d rather not get caught up in pt.2 of it because it’s just frustrating and depressing at this stage of the game, but pt.1 is fascinating to me, it doesn’t detract for me personally to have it not unambiguously stated, and whether Destiel does become unambiguously stated or not I don’t think *any* of the Destiel analysis I agree with/have made is *wrong* because that reading is freely available to make, in large print text and accompanying audiobook >.> 

[inazuma-eleven-translations]

Animage May 2012 - Interview with Ayahi Takagaki (Kurama), Konno Jun (Hamano) and Yoshino Hiroyuki (Hayami)

Full scans can be found here: http://inazuma.pmsinfirm.org/?p=222

Notes: The very first magazine article I tried to translate - three years later I FINALLY finished it. One of the few articles about my beloved Kurama~

Round Table Discussion - Raimon Second Year Close Up Talk

‘Don’t Call Us The Stay At Home Trio!’

While they’re second years along with Shindou and Kirino, they don’t have a character song or even a role in the movie? They may not play a spectacularly important role, but they keep going strong, without ever giving up. They are the definition of Raimon Spirit! We looked back over the first series with the actors who play this unshakable trio.

 Out of the second year trio, Kurama has probably grown the most.

 Hayami, Hamano and Kurama are referred to as the ‘Second Year Trio’ among fans, but they also have another nickname - the ‘Stay at Home Trio’.

 Konno: That’s because we were left behind when everyone went to God Eden (laughs).

 Yoshino: But if anything did happen, how were we three supposed to stop it?

 Takagaki: Seriously!

 You could also say you three play the ‘unsung heroes’ of Raimon, but what was your first impression of your character?

 Konno: Hmm. The first time I saw his design, I noticed Hamano’s hands were directly thrust into his pants. Not in pockets.

 Takagaki: Is he a child?

 Konno: Right, I thought he must be a mischievous, childish sort of kid, but in reality he’s not really that kind of person. He’s very light-hearted, and he often shows that he does think seriously about things.

 In what way were you instructed to play him?

 Konno: I was first told ‘In any case, just play him with a carefree air,’. In the first match against Eito, he says ‘Minamisawa-saaaan~’ and passes the ball, but the sound director told me to play it with less intensity. Even if it felt like he had no determination, that was okay. Furthermore, Endou’s story feels like it was made in the Showa era (older), but Tenma’s story feels like the Heisei era (modern). Hamano and Hayami and the others speak more like modern teenagers.* I feel like keeping that in mind solidified Hamano’s character for me.

 *It’s hard to translate this part, but recently young Japanese have a tendency to say things that sound like the opposite to what they mean. So, instead of saying ‘it is,’ they would say ‘isn’t it?’. The meaning is the same but the way of saying it is different. Kind of confusing. Sugoi means amazing, right? Sugokunai means ‘not amazing’, but when young people say it they mean ‘amazing’. I’m bad at explaining it, I’m sorry! Basically they speak like modern Japanese teenagers in GO. They sound younger.

 Takagaki: In my case, when I first saw Kurama’s design I thought to myself ‘He’s so tiny!’ (laughs). Before the anime started, one of the staff members said to me ‘In any case, please play him as kind of an unpleasant person.’ And then Level Five’s Hino (Akihiro) said to me that ‘Kurama is Suneo*.’ (laughs)

 *Honekawa Suneo/ Sneech from Doraemon. A spoiled rich kid who likes to show off to his friends to make them jealous. His personality is cunning, prideful, arrogant and narcissistic.

 Konno: Huh? (laughs)

 Takagaki: Before the show started, I imagined he was some kind of spoiled rich kid ‘Nori-chama’ (laughs), but that wasn’t what was meant at all - I would say it’s more like he’s a counter or foil to the main character. That’s what was meant by those words. You feel that Kurama is completely against the winds of revolution that Tenma brings. So I think he was meant to be disliked by fans who support Tenma.

 He’s a kind of an unpleasant senpai, isn’t he?

 Takagaki: He is. But Kurama also has passionate feelings about soccer, and he’s a pretty good kid. What I was particularly careful about was how to show the sense of distance he felt in his heart towards Tenma and free soccer as it got smaller. In the second half of the anime, scenes where he puts more trust in his kouhai gradually increase, and I think he really grows as a person.

 He came to Tenma’s side and became a shield for him…

 Takagaki: He did. His special moves aren’t really that successful (bitter laugh), but he really works hard. For their hissatsu tactics Ultimate Thunder, in the end Kurama couldn’t do it either and Tsurugi came to save them, but when Kurama sees his kouhais working hard like that, he thinks ‘Next time will be me!’

 Next is Yoshino-san - in a previous talk show you said that you thought Hayami was ‘some kind of penalty game’.

 Yoshino: Yes. At first I felt like ‘I’m really gonna play this guy?’ and that it would be difficult (laughs). But since I heard adult Kidou would appear too I was glad I got to play two completely different roles. Hayami is, in any case, a negative guy and I’ve given up on thinking he’s gonna develop past that, since he’s consistently negative about everything. But I wonder is that what’s interesting about him?

 Takagaki: But in the end, in episode 45, Hayami became really positive!

 Yoshino: Since everyone else was so happy and excited, he probably thought he couldn’t be the only one not all pumped up? (laughs)

 Takagaki: No! Surely he was actually that happy too!

 Konno: Wouldn’t it be a real shame that if even after they’d conquered the Holy Road and defeated Fifth Sector he was still negative?

 Yoshino: But, well, his basic personality hasn’t changed. If it were up to me, I’d probably say to Hayami ‘If you’re not gonna just play soccer, then get out of here already!’

 Takagaki: Don’t be like that! Hayami is trying his best! Everyone in Raimon was burdened with having to compromise by playing controlled soccer for a really long time, but he’s had the same feeling as everyone else for wanting to play free soccer all this time! So I think that in the end all of us in this three person team got to show our true selves!

 Yoshino: Well, I guess. Out of the three of them, I would say Kurama in particular. He’s grown a lot.

 Please tell us about the most memorable scene for you from the first series.

 Konno: The scene that had the biggest impact was when Hamano took a pass and said ‘I ended up taking it… (against his better judgement)’. Hamano’s passes are often intercepted during matches. That seems to be his role (laughs).

 Takagaki: He says like ‘Huh?’ a lot (laughs).

 Yoshino: It’s becoming a bit like Hamano is the gap in the team.

 Konno: Even so, he’s only benched when he’s injured. Kidou-san uses Hamano more than you’d expect.

 Yoshino: He really does. Hama-chan is used all the time.

 Then, in episode 19 when the talk turned to ‘starting a revolution’ Hamano was in the most high spirits.

 Konno: He suddenly became super hyped up all by himself (laughs). He said ‘Wouldn’t a Resistance be cool?’. With those goggles he wears on his head doesn’t he look like the hero of a beloved anime series? They’re different to Hayami’s glasses and there’s no real purpose to them (laughs).

 Takagaki: Kurama’s most memorable scene was… It’s gotta be when Minamisawa-san quit the club and Kurama exploded at Tenma about everything he was thinking. Up until then, Raimon could only play soccer following the rules they were given - they understood that it was all they could do - when Tenma entered the club and demolished Raimon’s way of doing things. Because of that, the forward wearing the number 10 shirt, Minamisawa-san, who worked together with the forward wearing the number 11 shirt, Kurama, left. ‘We put up with everything because we have no choice, so don’t interfere!’ he vented, showing how he felt about soccer.

Tenma became pretty depressed when Kurama yelled at him.

Takagaki: He did. But Kurama did have a good point, and I think by speaking up it made an impact on Tenma and the others.

 Yoshino: My most memorable moment in the whole series was when Sangoku actually managed to catch a shoot.

 Konno/ Takagaki: (laughs)

 Yoshino: If you compare Inazuma GO’s Holy Road and Inazuma Eleven’s Football Frontier, there’s definitely more goals - at least one - scored against Raimon.

 Takagaki: Really?

 Yoshino: Endou definitely makes a difference.

 Endou Kantoku should teach Sangoku some goalkeeper moves.

 Takagaki: Yeah!

 Yoshino: He’s probably given up on Sangoku’s potential. ‘This kid’s a lost cause,’ (laughs)

 Konno: Don’t say that! (laughs) But Sangoku really is loved by everyone.

 Whenever Sangoku goes to save a goal, the cast seem to point out ‘No, it’s impossible!’

 Takagaki: That’s true. Well, during test runs.

 Konno: Hey, it’s mostly Nojima-san and Yoshino-san (laughs).

Yoshino: Hey, everyone does it!

 (All together) (laughs)

 Takagaki: When we all went out to dinner together before, and broccoli came in our salad, Saiga (Mitsuki - Shindou) san and the others got really excited about it. Everyone ate Sangoku-san and he was delicious. (laughs)

 Next, what was Hayami’s most memorable scene?

 Yoshino: Hayami is always like ‘Waaaa, waaa - it’s hopeless!’ That’s what I find most memorable about him because he’s always saying that.

 But wasn’t the scene he did Zero Yon against Kaiou Gakuen pretty cool?

 Takagaki: Yeah, that was cool!

 Yoshino: I guess. Even if he started it by crouching down.

 Konno/ Takagaki: (laughs)

 Yoshino: It was like he suddenly crouched down in the middle of the match and told everyone ‘Wait a sec, wait a sec! I’m gonna dribble!’

 Konno: He completely stopped moving. (laughs) But it’s an easy hissatsuwazza to understand.

 Yoshino: It’s funny and very Inazuma-like. I think it’s good that kids can mimic it easily.

 When the match was over it was cute how Hamano sympathised with Hayami.

Takagaki: Those two really are close! I think it’s a great relationship.

 Yoshino: Yeah, Hayami’s always fishing with Hama-chan.

 Konno: Hayami always comes with me when I go fishing. I’m grateful.

 Takagaki: I’m jealous that you get to see a lot of those two outside of school and the soccer club.

 Konno: But at the beginning there was scenes of all three of them in the classroom together. They’re probably all in the same class.

 Yoshino: I wonder what class Nishiki is. Although he suddenly returned to Japan out of nowhere.

 Takagaki: I want to see more of the second years’ lives back then and how they interact with each other. Personally I want to see Kurama’s regular clothes too. An episode like from Endou’s series, where everyone goes to an amusement park or something!

 In the ending theme Kanari Junjou there was a tiny bit. Kurama was talking on the phone to his parents about what today’s errands were, and Hamano seemed to be playing games.

 Takagaki: That’s true! I’m glad we could see just a little bit of their normal lives.

 Konno: Hamano seems to have a smartphone. He’s holding it with two hands.

 Yoshino: A smartphone? You??

 Konno: Yes! (laughs)

 Takagaki: I want to see everyone’s families.

 Yoshino: I wonder what Hama-chan’s house is like?

 Takagaki: Doesn’t he seem like he comes from a big family?

 Yoshino: Like he’d be the second youngest of five siblings?

 Konno: He’s definitely not the oldest.

 Yoshino: Ham-chan doesn’t have the sense of being an older sibling. (laughs)

 What could Hayami be doing in the ending theme? He looks disappointed.

 Yoshino: I wonder if he’s reading his emails.

 Takagaki: Like ‘No emails. Only magazine subscriptions.’ or something.

 Yoshino: ‘Today’s horoscope is shit too,’ or something.

 Konno: That’s harsh!

 Now let’s talk about your other roles. Please tell us about your feelings for this past year.

 Takagaki: I also play Aoyama. Aoyama was part of the second team, then quit the club but when he saw how Raimon rebelled against Fifth Sector he returned to the club. But he still doesn’t really have many chances to actually play…

He was sulking a little bit about that with Ichino on the bus.

 Takagaki: He was! (laughs) He probably thought he’d be made a regular right way when Minamisawa-san left.

 Yoshino: I thought so! (laughs)

 Konno: If luck was on his side! (laughs)

 Takagaki: There was already an episode where Amagi-senpai was worrying that all these new kids came out of nowhere and could someone keshins, and then a member of the Italian mafia came out of nowhere... (laughs)

 Konno: A member of the mafia with pink hair! (laughs)

 Takagaki: That’s right, Someoka-san! When they were down, he gave them some strong words. With that, they all learned that if they work hard one day their efforts would pay off. I think they were all able to realize that they really did love soccer. I think that’s why at the very end Aoyama and Ichino could finally use a combination hisstatsuwazza! Kidou-san, thank you for finally letting us play! (bows)

 Yoshino: No problem. (laughs)

 Takagaki: Aoyama’s played in one match before, but you could really feel he and Ichino were playing together as one during that match. Both of them were playing for every member of the second team then.

 Saiga-san has also said that the ‘First years get all the best parts’ and ‘I want the hard-working upperclassmen to be appreciated more’. (Prince Animage Winter)

 Takagaki: That’s it exactly!

 Yoshino: But it can’t be helped.

 Takagaki: When they were thinking ‘Even if I can’t do it well, I’ll still do my best!’ first years who COULD do it came and stole the show. Enter Kageyama Hikaru (laughs).

 Yoshino: He was told to try by the coach. ‘I think I can do that’ ‘Okay, go for it’. (laughs)

 Konno: In some ways that’s typical of a soccer player.

 Yoshino: Well, it’s nice to have a lot of different characters.

 Takagaki: It’s probably because there’s so many characters we’ll run out of episodes. The second years probably have a lot of scenes where they’re practicing very hard that won’t appear in the anime.

 Konno: I wonder about that.

 Takagaki: They’ve more than likely definitely accumulated a bunch of experiences than we haven’t seen. And in addition to that, I think the first years might not be their stimulus. Especially Kurama - he seems like a kid who thinks showing you’re putting in a lot of effort is uncool. Because he’s a kid he who tries to act cool quite a bit (laughs).

 Next is Konno-san - you play the role of Kita Ichiban from Tengawara.

 Yoshino: What a crazy awesome name. It sounds like the first storm of spring (laughs). Doesn’t Konno-kun have a lot of the best roles?

 Konno: Maybe. But I often have roles that are in a lot of distress. (laughs) Another memorable role I had was Wanda from Kaiou Gakuen. The guy who used the keshin Onsoku no Varius.

 Yoshino: That’s a better role than your main one. (laughs)

 Takagaki: That’s so cool, summoning a keshin!

 Konno: While we’re on the topic, I think the first keshin I summoned was with Shinoyama.

 Yoshino: Ahh, Mannouzaka’s keeper.

 Konno: Yeah. The little kid with dark skin and trout lips. It was established that if he summoned his keshin just once, he lost all of his energy so when Shindou’s Fortissimo came he said ‘Without a keshin I can’t - gahhhhhh!’. He’s probably the first goalkeeper to be cut off in the middle of a sentence.

 Yoshino:It’s kind of the same as Sangoku’s ‘Fence of - gahhhhhhhhhhh!’ (laughs)

 Konno: So Sangoku is the first.

 Takagaki: Ah, I also played a member of Kuro no Kishidan. A person called Amano who can’t see in front of himself thanks to his bangs at all. (laughs)

 Yoshino: Although the gaps between his bangs are pretty wide.

 Konno: That kind of mysterious vibe is fitting for Kuro no Kishidan. I was Kizaki. He has a hairstyle similar to Shishido’s.

 So, if we turn the talk back to Kita.

 Konno: Tengawara is a school controlled by Fifth Sector, and there are a lot of violent guys who use rough plays, and Kita is the only member who is in anyway close to Raimon. He’s a very respectable, decent kid, so he was an easy role to play. I could easily understand his way of thinking.

 After the match it seems like Kita contacted Shindou to tell him that Tengawara were supporting Raimon.

 Konno: In other words, those two have each other’s phone numbers! (laughs) Kita-kun is popular with a lot of the female cast, with Saiga-san always saying ‘Kita is a really good kid, a really good kid!’.

 About characters from Endou’s story - Konno-san was Domon and Takagaki-san was Touko.

 Takagaki: She doesn’t appear in the games, but when she became an adult Touko was one of the spectators of the Holy Road.

 Konno: She took off her hat and wore a skirt.

 Takagaki: I wonder if she’s still helping out her father prime minister Zaizen. Since she was already part of the special police when she was in middleschool.

 Konno: SP Fixers wasn’t it?

 Takagaki: Naturally I also want her to continue with soccer, and I think I’d like her to help get girls more excited about soccer. In the world series there were no female teams, which I thought was definitely frustrating. But when she appeared again after an interval her hissatsuwazza had levelled up and that made me happily think, aah she’s still giving her all with soccer! Even if you’re a girl, you can still play soccer together with boys! Soccer has nothing to do with gender! That mindset was the kind of kid she symbolized. I think I want her to keep her passion for soccer even when she becomes an adult.

 We have a lot of female readers who said they started playing soccer after seeing Touko, Rika and Reina.

 Takagaki: Really? That makes me happy!

 Yoshino: It’s become a soccer boom.

 Konno: Ahh, Nadeshiko Japan. (*Pink Japan, girly Japan)

 Takagaki: That’s right! If we could see a Nadeshiko boom over the next year, Touko may also possibly be involved… (laughs) But I’m happy that soccer is finally becoming a sport for girls.

 Yoshino: Touko won’t enter the world of politics?

 How about aiming for the first female prime minister?

 Yoshino: (in English) YES WE CAN.

 Konno: That’s the president! (laughs)

 Yoshino: Even if she doesn’t become the prime minister, she could promote sports.

 Takagaki: Yeah, she could!

 In any case, Prime Minister Zaizen and Touko probably wanted to do something about Fifth Sector.

 Takagaki: They were probably some of the first people affected by them… (laughs)

 Yoshino: Yeah. Whyyy, Touko?

 Takagaki: Even though prime minister Zaizen should love soccer so much…

 Yoshino: But wouldn’t the prime minister have changed?

 Takagaki: But isn’t he still the prime minister in Danball Senki?

 Konno: That’s right, he’s too busy with the battle in that world to do anything (laughs). Since Kudou Kantoku and Megane-kun are doing their best over here.

 Yoshino: But at the end of the season those guys were working really hard behind the scenes, so just where were they during the story? (laughs)

 If these 3 appeared in the movie…?

 If these 3 also went to God Eden, which senpai would you like to see them train with?

 Takagaki: Aoyama was part of Kabeyama’s team, going along with Sangoku-san’s practice. He didn’t really do his own training… (laughs). But I was really happy he protected a girl!

 Konno: If they could have gone to God Eden… Since it’s an island Hamano would have wanted to go into the sea, wouldn’t he? Since his hobby is fishing in the sea.

 Yoshino: Is it? Oi oi, the one we go to is just a fish pond, isn’t it? It’s not the sea at all, just a pool! (laughs)

Konno: I guess so (laughs). So he’d want to go see the sea. Call Tsunami-san to be his trainer!

 Takagaki: Tsunami-san as a surfing instructor! That would be great!

 Yoshino: Tsunami-san doesn’t appear in the main story at all, huh. Anyway, I guess Hayami would go along with that training too. And kind of freak out about it.

 Speaking of Hayami, he’s the team’s fastest runner. Would he train himself that way?

 Yoshino: But that’s not really shown in the anime, so I guess it doesn’t really matter. When the opponent has the ball, he starts panicking that he can’t chase them. Hayami, you can’t be like that! (laughs)

 Well then, what about Kurama?

 Takagaki: I want him to train his shoot power! So he do the sandboard training with Tsurugi, Kageyama-kun and Nishiki, with Fubuki-san teaching them. When Fubuki visited them he said that Kurama made a good shoot full of his feelings, and when Endou first came he praised Kurama ‘As expected of a Raimon forward’. Even though he said something like ‘Tch!’ I think he was really happy.

 Kurama looks like he’d fit in well in a dessert, so that’s appropriate.

 Takagaki: That’s true. And his hissatsuwazza is a snake. Yeah it really feels like a dessert would suit Kurama.

 Although the sandboard training was to improve their body balance.

 Takagaki: Oh right. Since Kurama’s a technical forward, if he could do something to help increase his power he could use the Ultimate Thunder attack.

[florencemeivey]

I’m Proud of You (Chapter 3 of Somewhere Down the Line)

Several weeks passed before Shepard could begin to walk unaided. Even still, she was stiff, slow, and wobbly- she wasn’t storming battlefields any time soon. However, the hospital staff was pleased with her progress, and told her they would be discharging her soon. Shepard couldn’t wait, and her palpable excitement was an amusement to Garrus and the rest of her friends, who continued to visit individually when Shepard was not in therapy. 

Garrus had explained Shepard’s decision and the other options that had been available to her to the group while Shepard talked with Joker alone. Most of them, like Garrus, agreed that destruction was the best option. They sympathised with Joker, and understood his frustration; however, even the few who thought the other options were more attractive agreed that they were happy that Shepard was alive because of her choice, and none argued against her. 

“I could try talking to him for you,” Liara offered on one of her visits.

Shepard shook her head, and sipped the special asari tea Liara had brought for her. “No, don’t. I don’t want him angry at you, either.” She looked out the window and sighed. “It was my choice. And he has a right to be angry with me.”

Liara touched Shepard’s arm comfortingly. “Shepard, I’m sorry you ever had to make such a choice. I know it doesn’t help much, but I’m proud of you. We all are.” She smiled, a little sadly. “We will all miss EDI. But I think she’d be happy knowing her sacrifice meant the destruction of the Reapers.”

“I suppose we’ll never know.” Shepard replied, and Liara had no answer for this. Instead, she changed the subject.

“I’m sure you must be happy seeing Garrus again,” She said, a playful hint in her voice. “I know he was happy to see you. When we got the news, he practically ran from the Normandy to your hospital and shouted for them to let him see you.”

“That’s not true,” Garrus protested from his perch across the room, false indignation in his voice. “I walked at a perfectly normal pace, and when I got there, politely asked that I be permitted to see you.”

“Uh-huh,” Liara replied, smirking. “It didn’t help anyway. Only the immediate people helping you and the higher ups in the Alliance knew who you were. The poor receptionist must have been terrified out of her mind, a turian in the waiting room screaming about needing to see Commander Shepard.” 

Shepard cracked a grin and raised her eyebrows at Garrus. “Screamed huh?” 

“Well, I might have gotten a little loud there,” Garrus conceded. “But,” he added hastily. “What about you Liara? You certainly didn’t sit idly by.”

“Yeah, what about you, Liara?” Shepard said, turning to face her. “Something about telling my boss that Garrus was madly in love with me and needed to see me asap?”

Liara stuck her nose primly in the air. “I know nothing of the sort.”

Garrus rolled his eyes. “Sure, Madam Shadow Broker.”

Wrex and Grunt visited together. Shepard got the feeling that Grunt had become something of Wrex’s right-hand man. Furthermore, they both agreed that Shepard had done the right thing.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” Wrex told Shepard, thumping her on the back. “Those pyjaks needed to be taken down.” He shoved some of the snacks he had supposedly brought for Shepard into his mouth. “‘Course, I would agree with whatever you chose. You cured the damn genophage! Joker will get over it.”

“I don’t know about that,” Shepard sighed. “He loved EDI.”

“Bah!” Was all Wrex had to say about the matter.

“Maybe we could find him a krogan girl,” Grunt volunteered. “She might break him, though.” He added, as an afterthought.

“That would certainly put a damper on their relationship.” Garrus remarked drily. 

“Anyways, how’s Bakara?” Shepard asked, changing the subject.

Wrex claimed more of the snacks. Talking with his mouth open, he replied, “Already bore our baby, a son! That’s why she couldn’t come, though she told me to tell you she’s happy you’re alive.”

“A son! Congrats, Wrex,” Shepard said, punching Wrex lightly in the arm. “What’s his name?”

Wrex scowled. “Mordin. Couldn’t talk her out of it. Still,” he admitted, “there are worse names. Like Grunt here.” He punched Grunt, who punched him back. “And he did help cure the genophage, even if he was a salarian.”

“To Mordin,” Garrus said suddenly, raising the glass of water he had been drinking.

“To Mordin,” Shepard echoed, raising her own glass.

“To Mordin!” Wrex and Grunt yelled, waving their snacks since they didn’t have a drink.

“I guess some salarians are okay,” Wrex mused, and the group continued their conversation, reminiscing on Mordin Solus and voicing hopes for the future of Urdnot Mordin. 

Kaidan, Steve, and Samatha visited as a group, representing the Alliance part of Shepard’s crew, besides Joker, anyhow. They brought along greetings from  Dr. Chakwas, who was busy directing the medical and recovery efforts, and Engineer Adams, who had decided to retire early after the excitement of the war. They also brought news; Donelly and Daniels had eloped!

“They’re on their honeymoon now,” Kaidan said, “But they wanted you to know that they knew you’d make it out alive, no matter what.” 

“They’re so cute together,” Samantha sighed. “I hope someday I can find a love like that.”

“There’s a lot of gay bars here in London,” Steve replied. “Most have been rebuilt by now. Maybe we could go together.”

“If Traynor doesn’t take you up on that, I might,” Kaidan told Steve. She might have imagined it, but Shepard thought she felt a flicker of something pass between the two men. However, it was quickly gone.

“Well, good for them,” Shepard said, smiling. She still remembered convincing Donelly to go for it, and catching the two in the sub deck. 

“It's too bad about EDI and Joker though,” Kaidan thought aloud, in an absent-minded tone. Steve elbowed Kaidan in warning, but it was too late. Shepard hung her head as the others looked on in worry.

“Yeah...it is.” Shepard murmured. Kaidan opened his mouth, perhaps to apologize, but thought better of it. For a moment there was only an awkward silence.

“Commander,” Samantha finally ventured, “Commander, you know how much I liked EDI. We all did. She was a part of the crew, even before she got a body. We made sure to put her name up on the Memorial Wall too.” She paused, then continued on softly, “She won’t be forgotten. Her sacrifice, and the sacrifice of all synthetic life, won’t be forgotten.”

Shepard looked away, and her crew gave her the time she needed. Finally, she spoke, in a voice that was admirably only a little strangled. “The first thing I do when I go back to the Normandy will be to visit the Memorial Wall. To honor EDI, Anderson, everyone on our crew who sacrificed their lives.” She paused, and managed a small smile. “And after, we’re going to throw the biggest celebration party this galaxy has ever seen.”

“Here, here!” Garrus intoned, placing his hand on Shepard’s shoulder. 

“Will it be anything like the Citadel party? Because I might need to work on my alcohol tolerance if so,” Traynor joked.

“Bigger than that,” Shepard replied, with a true grin breaking across her freckled face. 

“You know I’m down,” Kaidan said grinning. “And in the Normandy, there’s no neighbors to complain about the noise, this time.”

“And if we really want to feel the liquor, we can always turn the gravity off,” Steve added. 

The group laughed, and the conversation changed to a light-hearted discussion of the future party they all felt was much deserved and a long time coming.

Tali, on one of her visits, brought a gift. 

“I made these for you, Shepard,” she said, a little shyly, and deposited the gift in Shepard's lap. It was wrapped like a Christmas present, bow and all.

“Oh, uh, thanks Tali,” Shepard responded, a little taken aback. “It’s not even my birthday yet.” 

“Consider it a “Welcome Back From Your Coma” gift,” Tali told her, crossing her arms.

Shepard chuckled. “Ah, that’s better than a birthday anyhow.” She tore open the wrapping, noting with fondness the clumsy job that had been done. Wrapping was hard even for humans. Under the wrapping was a box, and when Shepard opened the lid, her breath caught in her throat. She pulled the gifts out of the box and held them in her palm. Sitting there were life-like miniatures of Legion and EDI.

“I know it’s not the same thing,” Tali began awkwardly, twisting her hands, “but I thought you might like them, for your cabin, once you come back. I made them myself. They feature tiny internal VI’s from the technology I managed to salvage and restore while stuck on the Normandy. I programmed them to replicate EDI and Legion’s individual personalities, as best as I could. If you press the button on the back, they speak.” 

Her hands feeling heavy, Shepard pressed the tiny button on miniature Legion’s back. His head light flickered on, and the unmistakable voice of Legion stated, “Shepard-Commander.” 

With an expression of wonder, she then pressed EDI’s button. Her small limbs moved to clasp her hands behind her back. “Commander Shepard, the Normandy is running at optimal capacity.”

Garrus gave a low whistle. “It’s like a blast from the past. You really outdid yourself, Tali.” 

“Yes you did,” Shepard agreed. She swallowed hard and turned to Tali, who looked nervous even though Shepard could not see her face. “Thank you,” Shepard told her, her voice heavy with sincerity. “I’ll treasure this forever.” 

“I wish I could bring the real ones back,” Tali replied, “but this is the best I could do.”

“It’s enough,” Shepard assured Tali. For a long time the trio sat and listened quietly to the two miniatures in Shepard’s palm, the ghosts of the past.

Miranda and Jacob came to visit a few times, and the last time, they came together, along with Brynn, and her and Jacob’s newborn baby.

“Carrie Hope Taylor,” Jacob announced proudly, as he placed the baby gently into Shepard’s arms.

“She’s beautiful,” Shepard remarked admiringly, rocking the sleeping baby girl. Garrus leaned over Shepard’s shoulder and traced his finger over the baby’s cheek, admiring the smoothness. 

“I can’t believe you looked like this at one time, Shepard.” Garrus said in wonder. “So small and...soft.”

“You look like a natural there, Shepard,” Brynn teased. “You both do.”

“Yeah, any little hybrid babies in your guys’ future?” Jacob asked with a grin. “Fatherhood is one of the best experiences in life,” He told Garrus. “It feels great.”

“Biology likely wouldn’t allow that,” Miranda stated bluntly. Then, seeing Jacob and Brynn’s face, added hastily, “But adoption would work for sure.”

Garrus and Shepaed exchanged a look, and Jacob and Miranda were astonished to see their tough former crewmates blush.

“Well, actually, we kind of talked about that before the final battle,” Garrus ventured. He looked at Shepard, then quickly looked away, his face plates tinted a deep blue. “Very briefly, though.” He added hastily. 

“I said the same thing as you Miranda, that adoption might be better. If, you know, the uh, “natural” way doesn’t work.” Shepard added, her voice getting quieter as she went on. A blush spread over her cheeks and up to her hairline, making her whole head appear red, as she looked anywhere other than Garrus. 

Jacob laughed out loud, crowing, “Shepard, Garrus, are you guys blushing?” Miranda didn’t laugh, but she still looked amused.

Brynn frowned at her partner, and smacked his arm to quiet him. “I think that’s very sweet, Commander. And I think you two will make lovely parents, however you happen to become them.”

Miranda shook her head. “You two as parents,” she murmured. “I never would have imagined.” She smiled then, though Shepard thought it looked a little sad. “I wish you luck. And Brynn is right; a child of yours would be lucky to be raised by you.”

Shepard and Garrus were touched. Shepard smiled up at Garrus, and offered baby Carrie to him. Gently, hesitatingly, he accepted the tiny human, and looked around at the surrounding humans for confirmation that he was doing it right.

“You’re a natural too, Garrus,” Brynn said admiringly. 

“I guess I need this practice, for somewhere down the line.” Garrus replied, but was gazing at Shepard as he spoke.

She gazed back, a smile on her face. “Somewhere down the line,” she confirmed. 

Kasumi, Zaeed, Samara, and Jack came together on their last visit before they left Earth once more.

“The code requires me to make the journey back to Thessia and assist however I can,” Samara remarked serenely from the table she was sitting on lotus style. “But I will see you again, Shepard, whenever I can.”

“They’re rebuilding the academy,” Jack piped up, as she leaned against the door frame. “Gotta go back and keep teaching those damn kids, they’d be lost without me. Besides, they need the extra biotic power to help patch that place back up.”

“I have work to do,” Kasumi volunteered, though she did not volunteer what the work was, and the rest of them knew better than to ask.

“I’m going to Omega,” Zaeed announced, “and I’m gunna get shit-faced drunk every day and end up in bed with an asari beauty every night.”

“Sounds like you’ll all be...very busy.” Shepard managed. Then she smiled, sincerely. “I’ll miss you guys.”

Jack made a heaving sound. “Eugh, Shepard, don’t go all Queen of the Girl Scouts on us!”

“Christ, Shepard, it’s not like we’ll never see you again,” Zaeed agreed. “I reckon there’s still plenty of stuff out there needs killing, and I reckon you’ll call on me an’ Jessie to come do it when the time comes.” 

“I think it’s sweet,” Kasumi argued. She turned to Shepard and gave her a bright smile. “I’ll steal plenty of stuff in your name!”

“So no one’s retiring except Zaeed, huh?” Garrus said.

“There is no ‘retiring’ in the code,” Samara responded calmly. “But I will make time for you Commander Shepard, whenever you have need of me.” 

“Who said anything about retiring?” Zaeed protested.

Shepard chuckled and shook her head. “Well, I’ll try not to take any of you from your work again.”

“Unless the Reapers have vengeful distant cousins.” Kasumi interrupted. She pondered. “The Weepers? The Creepers?...The….”

“Here’s hoping that’s not the case,” Shepard laughed, holding up a hand to stop Kasumi. “But we are talking about a party on the Normandy once I’m out of here, even better than the one on the Citadel, and you’re all invited. I hope to see you guys then.” 

“Hell, yeah,” Jack replied, “Just make sure you all learn how to hold your liquor this time. I don’t feel like piloting our asses home across the damn galaxy.”

“Bah, I’ve been drinking since before you all were a twinkle in your daddy’s eye,” Zaeed growled. 

“And I have been drinking well before any of you humans or your ancestors ever entered space,” Samara retorted serenely. 

“Rub it in, why don’t you,” Jack replied sarcastically. “I’ll be there, Shepard. Might not be as fun without certain death hanging over our heads, though.”

“I think I’m okay with that,” Shepard remarked drily.

The group passed the rest of the visit cheerfully comparing kills from the fight with the Reapers, and how the Normandy would need to be dry-docked for repairs once more, once their party was done. In Jack’s words: “We’re gonna tear that bitch up!”

Javik and James happened to come by late one afternoon when Shepard had just finished a tough but rewarding physical therapy session.

“I made it across the parallel bars by myself,” Shepard crowed. Then she looked a little embarrassed. “Never thought I’d be proud of doing something as simple as walking.”

“You should be, Lola.” James said, slapping Shepard’s leg. She winced a little, but James didn’t notice. “You beat the crap out of those pendejos, and you lived to walk another day. Not everyone gets to say that.” 

“I never thought I would see a day without the Reapers,” Javik said, looking out Shepard’s window.

“I imagine these past few months have been pretty surreal for you,” Shepard remarked gently.

“It is good to have closure, Commander. And it felt good to avenge my people.”

“What will you do now?” Garrus asked.

“What people all over the galaxy will do. What my people lost the chance to do. Live.” Javik answered. He turned towards the trio. “If you are asking about specifics...I do not know. I shall live and die surrounded by primitives.” He snorted, but then his expression softened. “Primitives who did what my cycle could not.”

“You’re welcome to stay on the ship as crew,” Shepard offered. Truthfully, she didn’t know what the Alliance had planned for her or the Normandy, but also knew damn well they weren’t grounding her again, or taking her ship. The Normandy and its crew were hers.

“I may do that,” Javik allowed. “I have decided I will help the asar...Liara with her book. To do so, I will go wherever she goes, at least until it is complete.”

“I’m happy to hear that,” Shepard replied. “I think the galaxy will be very interested to hear directly from a prothean.” She turned to James. “What about you? Technically you’re not an officially recognized member of the crew, at least not by the Alliance.”

“Not yet I’m not,” James scoffed, “but I will be, just watch. I’m going to complete my N7 training, and then I’m going to apply to join you on the Normandy. You know there’s no Normandy without me, Lola.” He grinned cockily. 

Shepard clasped hands with James and shook firmly. “I’ll be happy to welcome you back,” she told him. 

James grinned, then got up and stretched. “Well, we better hit the road, Javier”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Javick hissed back.

Garrus and Shepard laughed. “Javier?” Garrus queried. 

James shrugged. “It suits him.” He and Javik made their way out of the room, but at the door, James covertly signalled at Garrus to follow him.

“Oh, I meant to ask James something,” Garrus told a slightly bemused Shepard, before hurrying out of the room after James. He caught up to them further down the hall.

“You go ahead, Javier,” James called to Javik, who bared his teeth but didn’t respond.

When he had turned the corner, James turned back to Garrus. “So, I haven’t heard from you since you asked me about, you know.” He crossed his arms and eyed Garrus interestedly. 

“I’ve been waiting for the right moment,” Garrus replied sheepishly. “It’ll be soon, though. I’ve been waiting until she can walk again, and she almost can.”

“You got what I told you to get?” James quizzed. 

“I did,” Garrus confirmed. In fact, it was heavy in his pocket right at that moment; he hadn’t wanted to take it out in case the right moment suddenly appeared and he didn’t have it. 

James grinned and clapped Garrus on the arm. “Then you’re all set! I better be the first to know when it happens though, hear me?”

“Sure, Vega.” Garrus answered, and the two men exchanged the cozy smile of people sharing a very juicy secret.

[tellybuddies]

Élite has it all: rich students with a hint of a murderous trait within, a queer romance that will have you reaching for the tissues, sweet interracial couplings, a taboo that will make your jaw drop, and mysteries you will not be able to get your head around.

What is the story behind Élite?

S1: Three working-class teens (Nadia, Samuel, and Christian) are given scholarships to study at Las Encinas, an elite school when the roof of their school collapses. Thrust into the world of Spain’s richest and their children, both worlds collide when a student is murdered.

S2: Three new students arrive at the school, and Las Encinas finds themselves entangled in yet another incident: the mysterious disappearance of a student.

First Season:

I didn’t really know what to expect while watching this, I don’t watch too many teen dramas but I had a feeling it was going to be a typical drama filled with cliches and stereotypes. That was not the case.

The first episode was so explosive, I couldn’t just stop there and not see this through to the end! There were moments where humorous lines were thrown here and there, but overall this has to be the most dramatic high school I have ever been to - I felt like that quiet student who sits at the back and just watches as the drama unfolds one by one - it was that deep.

Racism is one of the themes explored within Élite and there were times where the racism was subtly injected into a conversation: Christian meets Nadia for the first time and calls her beautiful, he retracts his statement seconds later saying “Shit, sorry. You won’t blow yourself up because I said that, right?” He laughed while saying this, showing how easily people can turn their racist comments into a joke when it is something very serious.

Eleven minutes in, Nadia begins her school day with being called into the principal’s office, the topic being her hijab. The principal begins by telling Nadia that “as per our rules, no accessories are allowed”. Watching someone be discriminated over their cultural choices sparked some disappointment, the ignorance was unreal. A teacher tried to sympathise by saying that they understood why Nadia was against this and her response gained a round of applause:

“If you understood, you wouldn’t ask me to give up my culture or religion.”

For the duration of the series, Nadia goes from strength to strength: she deals with her strict parents and the pressure they put on her to bring pride to the family while also dealing with her feelings for Guzmán, leading them into a slow-burning romance.

Christian, in my opinion, was shown to be this character who played the clown role within the trio. He could be a little bit cocky, didn’t particularly study, liked to have a drink or two and smoke a few joints, he was crazy about another student, Carla, and wanted more than a little taste of the fancy lifestyle he was exposed to. Throughout the season, he showed that there were times when he could be serious too, whether it was to do with his friends, Carla and his feelings for her, or himself -- when he got serious, he was determined to let people know his exact feelings and thoughts before going back to his humorous antics.

Samuel seemed like a decent guy, he wanted no trouble, just wanted to get through the school year, and battled with his studies and his job as a waiter. The moment he locks eyes on Marina, a cute girl who gave off a rebellious vibe and sister of popular boy Guzmán, that’s when trouble knocked on his door. He was infatuated with Marina and their relationship went from a one-sided crush to a half-boyfriend, half-girlfriend situation. When he finds out about Marina’s pregnancy, he starts to act paranoid and goes on accusing everyone around him, including a teacher; this made me dislike Samuel but then I realised that he was only acting this way because he was looking at her with rose-tinted glasses, she was his first love, and finding out who she was really in love with did nothing to stop him from loving her.

As stated in the beginning, the show includes the murder of a student and so episodes have snippets of the main core group being interviewed by an officer on the case. The intertwining interviews give an insight into the characters’ relationships and thoughts but you also begin to notice that there are too many twists and turns which made things confusing, however, it all made sense in the end.

Halfway in season one, the students (privileged and unprivileged) start to form relationships with each other - both friendly and romantic - and because they have to share classes and projects with each other, they begin to grow a sense of personal development. It was really interesting to see the elite students bring out their vulnerable side, you start to see them as more than a person who was born with a silver spoon in their mouth but as a real person with feelings and internal issues that a “normal” person deals with.

Despite the students starting to warm up to each other, there was a clear divide between the rich and the poor. The working-class students were not seen as equals and are instead seen as pawns in a wretched game they didn’t want a part of. Christian really takes this to heart and lets his feelings be known, he says “I am fed up, Carla. I want you to see me as an equal [...] I don’t want to be your gigolo, or your thief, or someone you use.” In reality, it’s a dog-eat-dog world and it is something you can’t control. People are used left, right, and centre and while some see this as a normal thing, others don’t understand it.

This season touched on a lot of issues that are reflected in reality, ranging from social pressure, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual relationships, racism, sexual identity, and a whole lot more.

The finale revealed the last moments of the murdered student and uncovered secrets that left you wondering what was next to come.

Highlights:

#OMANDER (obviously) I loved seeing Ander and Osman, Nadia’s brother, start a relationship. The thing with queer relationships in television is that it is often thrown into your faces and it is either displayed as over-the-top or very sexualised or in some cases, both. Thankfully, the most amazing queer relationship I have seen in a series was done so beautifully and realistically. Nothing was forced, the characters took their time with coming to terms with their sexuality and their newfound relationship, and it was cute, healthy, and heart-warming.

Nadia + Omar’s sibling love Although they both lived in the same house, walked home from parties or school together, and were even in the same room together, the two rarely spoke to each other but as the series advanced, we see the Shanaa siblings form a bond that wasn’t there at the start of the series. They spoke more, confided in each other, and had each other’s back.

All things QUEER Ander’s mum found out he was gay when she came home to find her son kissing Omar and rather than deny what she saw, she accepted it with a smile. Like any other teen who is in the closet, Ander was worried about coming out but receiving a warm reception from his parents and best friends Polo and Guzmán, the latter who was confused why his friend didn’t feel comfortable confiding in him about his sexuality, gave him the freedom to own his queerness and he wasn’t shy about letting people know his sexual preference.

Carla and Polo were the IT couple (other than Guzman and Lucrecia of course), as they have been together since the age of twelve, and the arrival of Christian changed their whole relationship with the three of them engaging in a sexual relationship, solo and group, and this also gave Polo the opportunity to figure out his own sexuality.

The characters in Élite had sexual freedom that is slightly frowned upon in real life and usually met with confusion, denial, and/or offensive remarks. The show really made it clear that times have evolved and people like to kiss men, women, have relationships with either gender or engage in open relationships, fwbs, or NSA and that was OK.

Second Season:

Personally, I didn’t enjoy the second part of Élite. It seemed a little bit too messy with the number of secrets and lies that were circulating around. There was nothing that gave me an oomph and the drama was a bit unnecessary and boring. While I was intrigued in the first episode, the anticipation died down quite quickly but I did find that it picked up in the last two episodes.

I did somewhat like the introduction of the three new characters that popped up, although there wasn’t much of their backstory that really got me interested which simply made them look odd and out of place.

I do have a favourite quote from this season and it pretty much summed up the whole show.

“In the end, the one you’d least expect... turns out to be the worst of the monsters.”

Highlights:

Omar - QUEER ICON He really embraced his sexuality in this season, such a pleasure to see! He smiled more, had a positive outlook, and let out the rainbow within.

Final thoughts:

There was a really nice representation in this show; PoC actors, queer characters, and religion and culture were explored. It’s not every day you get to see a person of colour on your screen - it was refreshing - and the queerness was a joy to watch.

I feel that the characters were well-thought-out during the first season and although they went in a different path in the second, I enjoyed watching them evolve and go through their journey of self-discovery.

Would I recommend it? Yes. The second season was a bit of a letdown but it has been renewed for a third so there is clearly some potential there and I hope the thrill and energy that was in the first season is brought back.

If you want to watch a show that has good character development, this is one to watch. The character arcs were really well-thought and planned. The writers of Élite managed to include a good couple of seasons worth of development in just two seasons which is a feat in itself.

There are eight episodes in each season which makes it the perfect series to binge-watch- I managed to finish both parts in two days; it’s not too long to bore you and not too short to have you groaning in annoyance.

Overall, it was a good watch and I am a little intrigued to see what comes next in season three which will be dropping in March!

[chocolatequeennk]

Am I the only fan who doesn't like the 'they were totally shagging' headcanon? I mean, I see why people like it and think there is evidence (the baby line) but it feels douchey to me if the Doctor won't commit to Rose or tell her he loves her because she'll die someday, but he'll sleep with her??? IDK, the HC just rubs me the wrong way. Almost like the Doctor in this scenario is taking advantage of Rose's feelings. 'We can't be in a committed relationship bc of my feelings, but we CAN have sex!'

I... am probably not the person to send this to, since this is--as stated in my post this morning--one of my favourite headcanons. 

But, taking your issues point by point:

1) We don’t know why the Doctor didn’t say I love you. (Actually, as I realised this morning, we don’t know that he didn’t.) The notion that it’s because he’s afraid to lose her is fanon, though it is supported by the scene in School Reunion where he stopped himself from saying the words in the middle of a speech that was all about his fear of losing her. Still, it’s important to remember that this is an assumption, and maybe not cast further aspersions on his character based on something that is not a canonical fact.

2) I actually really do sympathise with the Doctor’s struggle over loving someone with a lifespan so much shorter than his. It’s easy for humans to say he should just get over it, and better to have loved and lost, etc, but he knows he’s going to have centuries without Rose after she dies. That’s not easy to get over. I was recently thinking about their kids in the Timelessness ‘verse, and realised that at some point, the kids’ spouses are all going to die. And it really hurt to think about how that would affect the entire family.

3) I mentioned the cultural differences thing earlier this morning, and I really do suspect that played a part in the lack of love confessions. Gallifrey wasn’t exactly a touchy-feely society. The Doctor was a renegade, but he was still raised in that culture that really prized emotional distance. Why should we expect him to find it easy to say those words?

4) There are plenty of couples who are committed to each other and sleep together before they say I love you. I really don’t understand how that’s seen as such a horrible thing. It doesn’t mean the relationship was casual or less committed. If he had a hang up over those words in particular, that doesn’t mean he didn’t actually love her and wasn’t actually committed to her. (And really, I’d rather see a story with a man who is completely in love and committed to his partner but never says the words than one where he says them without really understanding their weight... or worse, just so he can get into their bed.)

5) Assuming that they hadn’t ever said I love you, I love that Rose was able to love him where he was, understanding that he had fears and baggage that maybe meant he’d never be able to say the words, but that this didn’t mean he loved her less. She understood him, and she loved him--warts and all. 

And finally, something I’ve touched on a few times but that I really want to highlight: Would I rather he said the words? Obviously, or I wouldn’t work it into as many of my fic series as possible. But words are not the only way to say I love you, and he told Rose in so many ways that I do not for a moment believe she didn’t know how he felt. 

The Doctor making the choice to allow their relationship to become romantic and then intimate is a HUGE commitment. It’s also a very large non-verbal I love you. He held himself back for so long when they were obviously in love, that allowing himself to take those steps with her would say more than three words.

So, no. I don’t think the Doctor and Rose sharing a sexual relationship makes him a douche, whether or not he’d told her he loved her. I consider it to be a lovely, romantic culmination of two years getting to know each other and falling in love.