#and he has to make an active effort to NOT be

[pastadoughie]

i dont know how to say it or what to even do at this point

i am in an abusive housing situation. witch isnt really new info nor something i talk about often. i have learned to deal w/ shit on my own overtime, aswell as my situation getting slightly better with my distancing from certain family members. but its still bad.

my mother & my brother are both extremely abusive, my brother is phisically abusive, and my mother is a pedophile. they are the only other familial ties i have aside from my dad, and they obviously arent viable and would be worse for me.

my dad is my best option in terms of family and the only person i live with currently. when hes drunk he can be actively cruel & abusive, regularly threatening sexual abuse via forfeiting custody of me to my mother. but im still semi able to reason with him while he isnt drunk. most the times hes simply neglectful, witch is preferable to the alternative atleast. & can somewhat be manipulated into caring about me, or at the very least signing & agreeing to things if i do all of the other legwork

i have a disability of some sort, i have alot of theories but overall doctors refuse to properly test me. i smoke so, they just blame every single issue i have on that & dont listen to ANY of my concerns. somewhat similar to pots in terms of symtoms. i just call it "the slop", this sortof sludge that clouds all my thoughts and everything i do. when it gets bad i cant move properly, often knocking things over, completely losing my train of thought. it can be really hard to have conversations with me, i spend alot of time being silent, keep repeating the same simple few words, dont really listen properly. i can sometimes spend hours just staring off into space. it gets better when im laying down, but sometimes not even that helps. it takes a certain kind of determination to get literally anything done. witch is really hard given my lack of any kind of support.

if i am not extremely ontop of things, if i cant force myself to do things through the slop, then i end up getting into these sludge spirals. i dont eat. i dont drink. i just lay in bed. you get so dizzy and your mouth gets so dry, and so hungry, and the slop is just unbarable. not even really existing as a person, sleeping 18 hours a day, sort of halfheartedly & extremely badly trying to do basic tasks, like eating or drinking, and then after 4 hours i just. go back to sleep. its unbarable & dehumanizing. & its not like i have anybody that can help me. i explain this to people and then they always make suggestions on how to manage it that requires another person to help, and then they never listen when i say i do not have anybody.

i need to get some kind of treatment and i need to get some kind of testing, but doing so requires so much work so many phone calls so much effort that i HAVE to do on my own, that i just. dont have the energy for. its not that im intellectually or phisically incapable i just, im just always in slop. its just always a barrier i have to work around. and the fact that just. the entire fucking medical system is so rotten to the core w/ incompetance & malice twards queer and disabled people means that its just.. so hard to get anything done at all for treatment.

and beyond the fact i have to get meds, i also really need to work on moving out. while i dont think my dad would realistically kick me out until im 18, as that would require actually doing paperwork. i dont trust him to be nice to me beyond that point.

and incase i need to say this to some sheltered fuck who does not understand this. no i cannot go to dcs. i have dealt with dcs my entire life. dcs is not an organization made to help people. it never HAS been. any good they do is incedental. they are at their core a government organization that is supposed to sound good. they do not help children. my tharapist submitted a dcs report about my brother trying to kill me back in december, and i had a dcs worker come to my door and start defending pedophilia to me. every single encounter i have had with dcs has eaither done nothing or actively been harmful to me in having a dcs worker actively encorage my families various abusive behavior.

in summery, i need some kind of help figuring out a way to. deal with everything. ideally something that would help me with practical stuff like medical paperwork, scedualling appointments, that stuff. ideally focused on & or primarily targeted to queer autists in the 16 to mid 20s range of ages. and also that is within arizona. most of the stuff ive been reccomending is stuff like housing and independant living programs, witch while helpful what im looking for is primarily medical help & that is centered around more chronic issues & disabilities that like, need more testing & such to be diagnosed, and not really in the vein of teaching me how to do appointments & such, i know how. i just. am not super good at functioning in general.

dont dm me saying "oh im always here if u wanna talk!!" thats weird. i dont know you.

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - September 15-21

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon!

1. A beam of hope for North America’s most endangered sparrow

“Dozens of conservationists, gathered some distance away to avoid spooking the skittish sparrows, celebrated the [release of the 1000th captive-raised sparrow] in an unprecedented recovery program that in only a few years has doubled the bird’s wild population, from a mere 80 five years ago to some 200 today. […] “What we have achieved is the best case scenario.””

2. U.S. overdose deaths plummet, saving thousands of lives

“"In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent," said Dr. Nabarun Dasgupta, an expert on street drugs at the University of North Carolina. […] According to Donaldson, many people using fentanyl now carry naloxone, a medication that reverses most opioid overdoses. He said his friends also use street drugs with others nearby, ready to offer aid and support when overdoses occur.”

3. Propagated corals reveal increased resistance to bleaching across the Caribbean during the fatal heat wave of 2023

“”[… Y]oung corals bred for restoration are a lot more resistant to bleaching under extreme levels of heat stress than the prevailing corals on the reef." [… Unlike with the previous propagation strategy, fragmentation, e]very time a population reproduces, new offspring receive newly mixed sets of genes through recombination, making them different from their parent colonies and thus enabling adaptation.”

4. Habitat Management Helps At-Risk Butterflies

“For a number of at-risk butterflies in the United States, habitat management can play an important role in keeping them from going extinct. [… “In] places where people are actively engaged with ways to manage the habitat, the butterflies are doing the best,” said Cheryl Schultz, a professor of conservation biology at Washington State University[….]”

5. Study: Protecting the ocean helps fight malnutrition

“[The study] found that fish catches in coral reefs could increase by up to 20 percent by expanding sustainable-use marine protected areas — that is, areas where some fishing is allowed with restrictions[, … and] that sustainable-use marine protected areas have on average 15 percent more fish biomass than non-protected areas. […] “Allowing regulated fishing in marine protected areas can support healthy fish populations, while also having a positive impact on the quality of life of surrounding communities.””

6. [FWS] Advances Effort to Create Urban Conservation Footprint in Tucson

““We want to continue to work together to create an urban footprint to improve access to nature, conserve habitats, and improve air and water quality.” […] The area provides habitat for several federally listed species, including southwestern willow flycatcher, western yellow-billed cuckoo, and Mexican garter snake. If protected, the area will also help connect critical habitat for jaguar and Chiracahua leopard frog.”

7. ‘Exciting’ solar breakthrough means energy can be kept in sustainable batteries that don’t overheat

“The technology is based on a specially designed molecule of carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen that changes shape when it comes into contact with sunlight. These are common elements - providing an alternative to other technologies relying on scarce materials like lithium. […] A unique feature of the system is that the molecules also provide cooling in the photovoltaic cell[, which can store solar energy “for up to 18 years.”]”

8. Sea turtles make big comeback on sandy beaches at 2 British military bases in Cyprus

“[… The] number of nests surpass[ed] last year’s record count by nearly 25%, environmentalists said Tuesday. […] “The steep increase in turtle nests has been the result of a consistent, systematic ‘hands-off’ approach, together with enforcement efforts to minimize illegal, damaging activities on nesting beaches[….” D]aily patrols by volunteers ensure that aluminum cages set atop the nests remain in place to protect the turtles from predators like foxes and dogs.”

9. First ever photograph of rare bird species New Britain Goshawk

“The last documented scientific record of the bird is from 1969[….] Working closely with [“the Indigenous Mengen and Mamusi peoples”], WWF hopes to support local stewardship to safeguard the future of these incredible biodiversity hotspots through community-led conservation.”

10. Hospitals begin offering breakthrough radiation therapy for metastatic cancer tumors

“[First,] a patient is injected with a radioactive glucose (or sugar) tracer. The machine picks up the tracer in real time and in bright colors, [… then] reads a signal from the cancer cells breaking down the tracer. [… “The] machine is automatically and autonomously reacting and responding to those signals by shooting radiation back to their source[….]””

September 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[timesomewhere]

in honour of the West End's next to normal closing today I've finally proof-read my 'things I noticed/general thoughts' post that's been sitting in my drafts since I saw it earlier this month. it's very long I'm very sorry.

Act One:

it was really fun watching this show in September given that there's two references to it in the first song

I adore the monologue about the pills that Dr. Fine gives during 'Who's Crazy'. it's rhythmic and funny yet also unnerving. It's such a quick and impactful way to summarise what Diana has been through for the past 16 years

Gabe does a 'one of your French girls' pose on the kitchen counter under the cabinets during 'My Psychopharmacologist and I'

Jamie Parker made direct eye contact with me during the last part of 'Who's Crazy' and it was one of the most intense experiences of my life

I might just be dense but I don't get the point of the neon sign that says 'Fine' which drops down during the Dr. Fine scene. Initially I thought that then one would drop down saying 'Madden' during his scenes to help people differentiate between the doctors but then it didn't so it just feels like a weird extra prop

speaking of random props, shout out to the iPad on the table in the opening scene which Gabe pretty much instantly takes away after telling Diana that she shouldn't obsess over tragic news stories and is then never seen again as far as I remember

Dan in the flashback scene being such an optimist about Diana's pregnancy and the future they're gonna have together... soul-crushing

Caissie Levy's 'I Miss The Mountains.' Holy Shit.

I love how Diana and Gabe are the only characters who sing on/stand on the table. it's as though it's this extra dimension of the house that only they have access to and it's a really neat and subtle way to show that they relate to each other in ways other characters don't

'It's Gonna Be Good' is so underrated. Jamie Parker's somewhat genuine optimism becoming optimism-through-gritted-teeth is incredibly acted

The way Jamie delivers the first line of 'He's Not Here' is devastating. the heaviness of that moment as you feel the audience around you realising what's just happened is something I'll remember forever

Gabe body-blocking Dan from Diana during 'I Am the One' is such good staging. People talk about how Jack Wolfe plays Gabe with a lot of layers and a lot of simultaneous contradiction and this song is one of the best examples of that. how Jack manages to project a character who is goading his father and protecting his mother at the same time is beyond me

also Jack has maybe half-an-inch on Jamie which obviously isn't something the actors control but it does makes Gabe seem just that bit more threatening when he's getting in Dan's face

for the first part of Superboy and the Invisible Girl when it's just Natalie singing, Gabe is actively laughing. He's totally unperturbed by her efforts to make herself seen to her mother. it's only when Diana replies, particularly when she says "you're our little pride and joy, our perfect plan" that you see his face drop and you see him trying to figure out a way to stop her from getting Diana's attention which then results in him kicking her off the melody in her own song

"I'll hurt you" being directed at Dan and "I'll heal you" being directed at Diana as Gabe gently touches her face gets me so bad. but the most painful part of 'I'm Alive' for me is when Gabe looks at Dan as he says "I'm the perfect stranger who knows you too well." that's the first time you realise that perhaps Gabe doesn't just impact Diana, and there's something much larger at play

Caissie and Jack W's voices harmonising on 'Catch Me I'm Falling' was one of my favourite parts of the whole show. Their voices are so magical together and their mother/son chemistry is incredible

The 'I Dreamed A Dance' into 'There's a World' sequence is one of the most tragically beautiful things I've ever witnessed. I went into the show knowing what Gabe was trying to achieve during 'There's A World' and yet Jack's voice is so beautifully haunting you totally forget you're supposed to root against Gabe in that moment

Jamie Parker's 'I've Been' is some of the best acting through song out there. Interestingly my friend and I had very different interpretation's of what Gabe's horrified reaction to the blood meant. I viewed it as him being upset about what he convinced Diana to do - he doesn't like seeing her hurt. Whereas my friend saw it as him being angry at himself that she didn't manage to follow through, meaning that he has failed to regain control over her life

'I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath. I ain't no Frances Farmer kind of find for you' is one of the best musical theatre lyrics of all time. I genuinely don't know why I Miss The Mountains is the 'big song' known from N2N over 'Didn't I See This Movie?', it's just so good

Natalie's 'She trusts you!' line is heartbreaking, I was basically watching that entire scene through my fingers because of how high the emotion was

Act Two:

'Pfizer's woman of the year' will in fact be peak comedy every time. Eleanor's delivery is *chef's kiss*

Gabe having just one line in 'Wish I Were Here', and that line being 'Wish I were here.' Yeah. I feel very normal about that.

Natalie's line of "Can I hide my stupid hunger, fake some confidence and cheer?" being pretty much exactly what Gabe has done throughout the entirety of act 1

"And you're not a scary rockstar anymore" got one of the biggest laughs at both of the shows I went to

Dan's desperation during 'Better Than Before.' He is simultaneously trying to cajole Diana into remembering and get Natalie to be more positive. This one song really highlights how he's being pulled in a million different directions while trying to hold it all together and Jamie portrays that so well

Aftershocks. Wow. The way the last word of each line echoes throughout the theatre is great sound design. I've been in exam halls louder than the audience during that song. Holding a room that captive as a silhouette is quite the feat Jack Wolfe you will always be famous

"I don't know where the fucking pieces go" as Diana pushes things off the table as if there's a real jigsaw there that she's rage quitting and choosing to give up on is such a nice detail

"Have you talked of your depression, your delusions and your son?" The gasp in the theatre both times was sickening

the response of "good' in reply to "name?" when technically that was part of his name as they are the "Goodmans". I don't really have a point here I just think it's neat

The 'It's Gonna Be Good" reprise was one of my favourite Dan/Diana moments. Caissie and Jamie are really pushing each other to their emotional limits and they handle it so well

The first "Why stay?" is so fragile as Diana sits against the kitchen island. Also interesting given that Dan and Gabe will also sit against there later when they are at their lowest point in the story. The idea of the characters crawling to the 'centre/heart' of the home when they are at their weakest

"This is one old game that I can play so well" is the line that has stuck the most with me throughout the show. Jack's delivery of it while striding across the kitchen table - seemingly totally invincible - is crazy.

how Caissie manages to deliver "you shrugged and said that no one really knows" with humour and desperation at the same time is amazing

When Gabe and Diana stand on the table and if they let go of one another they'll fall. yeahhhhh.....

Gabe's realisation that Diana isn't going to give up on getting better. Totally collapsing in on himself and beginning to cry. How you manage to feel bad for him after all the destruction he's caused is wild

Diana's "maybe I'm tired of the game" relating back to Gabe's "this is one old game that I can play so well"

the lyrics in 'Hey #3' clearly reflecting things Diana has done, Henry cutting Natalie off at "bleeding in the bathtub"

"I am the one who'll heal you" being said to Dan not Diana this time

"Why didn't you go with her?" is the most devastating line in the whole musical I said what I said. Jamie's delivery of it is heart wrenching

the drums and bass kicking in for the loud part of I Am The One as Gabe becomes desperate to be seen once again

Jack and Jamie's acting in this moment is so intense. there's a moment where it's genuinely feels as though only one of them can make it out of the interaction alive

Jack's emphasis on the word 'loved' in the line "I am the one who loved you" nearly killed me on the spot. how somebody can deliver a line so desperately while remaining pitch perfect is unfair

Natalie coming in to kiss Dan's head at the start of 'Light' like Gabe kisses Diana's in the first scene. I'm such a sucker for a gut punching

the "And are they real?" line about Diana's parent's from Henry gets such a loud reaction from the audience. Some people laugh immediately, some people clearly get shocked out of their sobs. so good

In conclusion, this is my favourite musical of all time and I'm going to be so annoying waiting for the pro-shot to come out

[chefwhatnot]

A Too-Close Analysis of the Double Exposure Treatments from Duskmourn (2/2)

We return to the Double Exposure cards from Duskmourn! This post will be going over all the cards I didn't talk about in the first part, which is all the legends that don't appear in the main story (not including Altanak, Norin, and Arabella since they're all at uncommon so none of them got Double Exposure printings). Now, because we don't know much about most of these characters, this part will include a lot more educated guesses. Quick shoutout to wotc for posting the "Legends of Duskmourn" article a little bit earlier than they usually do so I have a little bit more to go off of. Away we go!

(Oh, and if you missed Part 1, you can find it here)

Toby, Beastie Befriender-

A creepy Jack-in-the-Box looms behind Toby's profile. Could simply be that kids are afraid of clowns, or perhaps something more? A Jack-in-the-Box is startling, and even though Toby says he has his Beastie friends to protect him, that would not make him immune to a brief startle, would it?

The Mindskinner-

A hand. Who is its owner? Unclear, but the clawed motif on the gloves make it almost look like it belongs to a Razorkin. From the Legends article, the Mindskinner is the fear of Razorkin, and employs a much more gradual and insidious methodology compared to the rest of the nightmares in the House. Based on this double exposure, it seems that not even Razorkin are immune to being targeted by its cruel whims. Plus, the only way to drive off the Mindskinner is to have your glimmer nearby, meaning Razorkin, who've already given themselves in to maddening pain make for easy prey. It might have enough intelligence to find this delightfully ironic, to torture that which first gave it form.

Kona, Rescue Beastie-

Overlaid on Kona’s profile is a set of canine jaws, facing the same direction as her. Two interpretations: one, that the prey instincts that were within whatever animal later mutated into Kona are still active and alive, that she still fears being snatched up by the jaws of some greater creature and devoured. Or, alternatively: those are Kona’s teeth. Beasties are, at the end of the day, as monstrous as anything else in the House, their masks being their attempt to conceal that fact. A beastie knows that if a survivor sees its true face, they will immediately flee in terror. The biggest fear of a Beastie is that its monstrous nature will be revealed, that for all its efforts it will terrify and lose those it seeks to protect. Or worse, that it will be the one to take them away, slipping back into bestial instincts.

The Jolly Balloon Man-

I've spent so fucking long staring at this one trying to figure out what the fuck that even is and I honestly have nothing. A kinda fucked up looking balloon animal? Some kinda I got nothin’. I will say, though, that I think the JBM's rictus grin is a very good demonstration of the way Razorkin have fully fucked up senses of pain/pleasure and such. But yeah I don’t like this one. Pass.

Rip, Spawn Hunter-

A skeletal hand, reaching upwards towards Rip, who has her back turned towards the viewer. Rip used to be a member of the Doorblades, the group of survivors who dedicate themselves to fighting back and eliminating as many of the House’s monsters as possible. Which, we know from the planeswalkers guide, is a group with a very high fatality rate. Turn your attention now to the flavor text on Came Back Wrong and the Duskmourn printing of Pyroclasm. Rip has a practice of burning bodies of those who fell in the line of duty. The skeletal hand is that of one of her former comrades, whose body she had to burn and leave behind. It represents doubt, doubt that she’s doing the right thing by cutting off any chance of grim revival for those who’ve passed, doubt that the human toll of spawn hunting is worth it. No wonder she prefers to work alone.

The Swarmweaver-

Ahh! The Bees! Not the Bees!! A living scarecrow beehive, with a giant bee layered on top. Insects, crawling within its being, beneath its wooden skin and throughout its spindly form. The Swarmweaver is a wickerfolk: maybe in life they feared what they now wholly consist of? Not a huge amount to go off of here- is what I would say if the Legends article didn’t confirm that the Swarmweaver can indeed still feel the corpse bees crawling around beneath its wooden skin, that they are constantly in pain and the only way they have to relieve that is to send the bees to attack others. Do you think they’re still aware enough to feel regret, for sending the source if their pain towards others?

Victor, Valgavoth’s Seneschal-

In front of his face is a moth, symbolizing his total devotion to Valgavoth. In the flavor text for the Special Guests printing of Sacrifice, they describe a ritual where cultists allow their fears to be fully consumed by the house, allowing themselves to be reborn. Victor has apparently undergone this process dozens of times, no trace of his original self remaining. The chain of eye-marks on the moth’s wings connect to Victor’s glasses. His fears are now inseparable from Valgavoth’s being: in a way he has made himself part of the house.

Marvin, Murderous Mimic- Another hand! Now, originally I assumed that this was the hand of the Razorkin who used Marvin as an intimidation tactic and possessed him, but according to the Legends article, Marvin isn’t possessed at all, and merely “quickened” when the Razorkin grabbed him by coincidence. Which is… not what I expected from the Chucky analogue and makes it a lot harder for me to explain what the skeleton hand means. Cool. I do still think the hand might represent a lack of agency, a vague memory of being used as a puppet by whatever ventriloquist originally owned him. Beneath all of Marvin’s psychotic behaviors is the fear that he might still be no better than a puppet after all.

And that’s all folks! I hope you enjoyed this writing exercise and all my philosophical wankery about this silly card game. I’m literally in the middle of my prerelease event so I gotta go now. Also plz read my magic the gathering fanfiction i have a lot of it and crave comments

[friendlyneighborhoodsynthezoid]

Plan 66

There were plenty of disadvantages to being experimental commandos, Hunter remarked to himself as the squad staggered towards their barracks, but there were upsides here and there. For instance, after a typically torturous day of training, testing, and reg torment, they were making their way towards their own private room- far from the prying eyes and muttered comments of regs and kaminoans alike. Granted, they were returning to said barracks in various states of exhaustion, many hours after late-meal, because maybe those disadvantages were just a bit more substantial. 

The door to the barracks slid open and the 99s swiftly scattered to various corners of the room. Hunter paused for a moment in the doorway, savouring the feeling of safety. His squad was here, together, and for now he could keep them all in his sight and away from danger. 

Hunter sat on his bunk and began readjusting his senses to the Kamino rain outside and the permanently unfortunate smell of the 99s’ barracks. His brothers were doing similar activities to declare to the world that they were done for the day- Wrecker began rummaging through the plentiful supply of snacks they absolutely weren’t supposed to keep in their room, Tech left his datapad on his rack and beelined it for the refresher before anyone else could claim the first sonic, and Crosshair collapsed face-first on his bunk and buried his head under a pillow without even pausing to remove his training armour. 

A few minutes passed in blessed peace. Wrecker began hoisting heavy objects over his head, Hunter began sorting through command training assignments he was expected to have done several months ago, and Tech emerged from the sonic and reclaimed his data pad. Hunter absentmindedly watched his brother coast through unknown reaches of the holonet that gave Tech his infinite wisdom. As he watched, Tech’s darting eyes stopped flitting behind their goggles and he sat down suddenly. “This is… not ideal.” He said, voice shaking very slightly. “Hunter? I-“

Crosshair’s voice emanated from his bunk, “I swear, if those bastards spring another of their ‘surprise assessments’ on us, Kamino will burn.”

“No, it is not-“ Tech cut himself off with a harsh exhale and simply turned his datapad around, the illuminated screen casting eerie light across the floor. Hunter edged forewarned and read off the screen: OFFICIAL G.A.R. REPORT FROM UMBARAN FRONT- FRIENDLY FIRE CASUALTY NUMBERS RISING

Hunter would have read more, but Tech turned the screen back around and pressed the datapad to his chest. “I read it,” Tech said, “it is a disturbing incident that merits immediate discussion.”

Hunter called over their other two brothers and they waited in tense silence for Tech to explain. “I have compiled an explanation from various official and unofficial sources,” Tech began. “From my understanding, the 501st and 212th legions suffered significant losses in a friendly fire incident arranged by their Jedi general.

“A Jedi did this?!” Wrecker gasped, “I thought they were in our side!”

“Indeed,” Tech said, “a Besalisk Jedi Master by the name of Pong Krell, who seemingly planned to leave the Jedi order and offer his services to the Separatists. 

The regs apprehended him, losing more men in the effort. He was executed on Umbara.”

“Who did it?” Hunter asked in morbid fascination. “Wouldn’t killing a Jedi be a death sentence for a clone? Did the 501st lose their commander? Was it… Cody?”

 “It would seem he was killed by CT-6922, otherwise known as Dogma. I have been unable to locate Dogma in any subsequent reports or communications. Furthermore, his number has been deleted from the Kaminoan database.”

“He killed a traitor,” Cosshair muttered, glaring at nothing, “and they made him disappear.”

 “So it would appear.” Tech put aside his datapad and levelled a serious stare at his brothers. Hunter felt Tech’s eyes catch his and hold his gaze. “I am reluctant to accept that all the Jedi will turn on their soldiers so easily. However, it is now a proven possibility. As such, it seems prudent to be prepared in case we are ever in the presence of a Jedi who wishes us harm.”

The squad exchanged glances. Wrecker was the first to break the silence. “But… will we even be working with Jedi? The regs have generals, but we’ll be on our own once we graduate, won’t we? We only really report to Cody.”

Hunter sighed. Time to be the sergent, he supposed. “It doesn’t hurt to be prepared, I guess. Cody’s got a Jedi. We can’t avoid them completely.”

Tech nodded once and set his datapad on his lap, hands poised to type. “Precisely. As such, we need a plan. Just in case.”

They nodded along grimly and echoed him, “just in case.”

___________________

The discussion took hours. Jedi, it turns out, were not very easy to kill. But the Bad Batch weren’t the Bad Batch for nothing. As such, many scrapped ideas, shouting matches, and some very unhappy consciences later, they had a plan. It wasn’t perfect and it certainly wasn’t pretty, but it was enough. Eventually, Tech finished typing. “Well,” he sighed, “I suppose that is that. Now it needs a name. The next available numerical designation is fifty-t-“ 

“Sixty-Six,” Crosshair interrupted unexpectedly. Throughout the entire discussion, he had been very quiet, providing ideas when required, but largely just observing as the plan came together. Yet every time they flagged, every time Hunter threw his hands up in despair and declared it was futile, he was there. He’d set a hand on Hunter’s shoulder and meet his gaze with a look that said far better than Crosshair himself ever could that he needed to stay strong for the sake of the squad.

That look was no where to be seen, now. In its place was an oddly dark, thousand-yard stare that put his brother uncomfortably in mind of a corpse. “It’s got to be Plan Sixty-Six.”

Tech, puzzled, tried to argue that “It does not makes sense to skip the preceding numbers for this one in particular,” but then Wrecker spoke up:

“No, he’s right. It’s gotta be that. It just feels… right”

Hunter found himself nodding along. For some reason, as soon as Crosshair said it, there was no alternative. Even Tech conceded the point, muttering some rationalization involving multiples of eleven.

In the dark, mind still spinning with the news of Umbara and the newly minted “plan 66”, Hunter was struck by the creeping feeling that they had just taken once step closer to something terrible. Something inescapable. 

Something horribly, world-shakingly, inevitable.

[the-martyrfication-of-the-matron]

So... SKs...

I need to talk about my positioning on the Zenix/Vylad/Malik Death thing too because i may have changed that opinion a teeny bit with a tiny bit of speculation... but i digress. that'll be another post, i'm just warning you that the yap travelling circus is coming to your city

anyways

SKs!

tw, this is discussions about SKs, and so will be talking about themes involving death, torture, and manipulation.

Lore about Sks really becomes defined after Laur becomes one, because he's a major character and it really makes sense that way, but we do get a lot of lore even before he becomes a recurring character, really. Especially through Zenix and the storylines adjacent to him. I really do think that Sk lore was peaking when Zenix was one of the major antagonists for the series, because it was just very interesting to have to explore that he was experiencing it away from the main storyline, and Aphmau would have to make an active effort to understand and build that knowledge, and even as she is starting to know more she is still kind of in denial that he is capable of the things he is doing.

And this becomes especially interesting that she is learning this through other people, when we compare it to what Zenix himself says about being a Shadow knight.

SKs have been around since episode one, maybe not in the way they were later developed to be, but the idea of this little band of antagonists that follow 'The King' and want lords dead, and are stunting villages, and we don't really know why except for monarchism. And as we build upon our knowledge over the episodes we find out they don't live in an active monarchy, but that the King is some supernatural force, and that the little band of villains are too, and they're trying to bring him back.

And then we get, in episode 31/32, that not all SKs are guards, and they don't only kill lords. Of course, the baker is only a knight in training, but the idea remains. The following of the King is ideological, they don't only recruit guards off of some need for the bond between lords and guards, they will recruit whoever is willing to do what they want, kill who needs to be killed.

In fact, the first time we ever really get the guard/lord talk in regards to Shadowknights is in episode 35, by Zenix. Zenix seems to have this idea that Guards and Lords are intrinsically connected, that the life of one is dependant of the death of the other, and there is always this idea that guards are expendable and so they are the ones to die and the lords live. However, if the guards kill the lords instead, they become the King's loyal servants, blessed with power, with immortality.

He cannot be killed like when he was human.

This is the origin of the idea that Sks are not only immortal, but have to kill the one they love most to transform into that immortal state. And it's not exactly what he's saying. He's saying that guards are always expected to die for their lords, but then the King tells them 'hey you kill your lord, i'll let you live forever' and then they're like 'oh neat' and kill their lords to gain that immortality and power.

I understand how this little rant of his later turned into that lore, but i think the implications here are much more interesting. Again, he says 'No one can touch me! No one can kill me like when i was human' and whilst you can take that to mean that he is no longer mortal, it also kind of reads like he has been killed or at least severely harmed before before... which has been implied by Azura earlier on, and sort of himself in the same conversation, where he says 'Garroth told you... didn't he? How he found me?' 'I wasn't in such good shape then either.' What this all overall implies upon SK lore is that the King preys upon victims to find followers, he takes those who have been victimised before, and he offers them the chance to not have to suffer that way again, they just have to do as he tells them to.

It's not some urge they cannot shake off, it's not this feeling deep inside of them that they cannot remove. They have been hurt they have been offered to not have to never be hurt again. It's a choice, through and through, but in the same way it isn't. It's not this primal hunger for blood, so much as a scrabbling for survival, it's fear, and desperation, it's a needing to not suffer through that trauma again and so they say yes. They say yes, because they will do these awful things because it's better to do bad to others than them do bad to you.

Later lore has them do these things because Shad has taken their bodies, and brought them back, changed their memories and given them the urge and the want to kill. He preys on victims because he can only turn those in his clutches into Knights. Earlier lore has him turning people by ideology, he is preying on those who he knows are already vulnerable, he is not limited by scope of domain, but merely by how convincing he can be. And that is terrifying.

Guards aren't killing lords because they need to kill who matters most to them, because they can't stop themselves no matter how much they try.

they're doing it because he told them to.

[m-for-musings]

The question: can a 1,65m drow safely bear 2m wood elf's twins?

User @horizonstride made a (good) point here:

Now the seeds of doubt were planted, and gnawed at me. So I did what any weirdo normal person would do, and asked other D&D nerds about it.

The arguments were great. My idea (the most stupid one, of course) was to cast Enlarge on the mother during labor for an easier birth. However, a friend pointed out that the babies, while inside the mother, "would fall under ‘anything they are wearing or carrying.’ Like when we say someone is 'carrying' a baby during pregnancy. Also, I need this to be true, or Reduce has terrifying consequences."

And that’s a very good point. I’m sold.

A more unhinged bold friend suggested they could Dimension Door the babies out, but this is self-targeted and the babies can't cast spells (yet).

Another one, more prone to the game's technicalities, added: "If we consider the damage from childbirth as concussive damage, and the babies count as improvised weapons, each baby would deal 1d4 damage per turn. Since there are twins, the drow would have to endure 2d4 damage per turn during labor. Considering the drow’s initial stats, she has a CON score of 14, giving her a +2 to any CON saving throws she might be doing during labor. As a paladin, she also has the Lay on Hands ability, which heals hp equal her paladin level x5, Aura of Vitality letting her heal 2d6 as a bonus action, and Death Ward in case anything goes wrong. So, yeah, she could endure it with relative ease for about 10-15 turns, maybe more depending on the dice."

(Note: I ABSOLUTELY LOST MY SHIT AT "AND THE BABIES COUNT AS IMPROVISED WEAPONS")

Another friend then asked: "Considering that the average time to give birth to twins is 13.5 minutes, and each D&D turn lasts 6 seconds, that would be 135 turns. Do the babies deal damage every turn, only on their turn, or only on the mother’s turn?"

(At that moment, we were like:)

After further debate, we reasoned that they would deal damage only on the mother’s turn, as she would be actively making the effort to push them out.

But we were ignoring an important factor: the wood elf is a druid specialized in healing magic. So, we added him to the initiative, since he would most likely assist the mother during labor. This could grant the mother a +4 CON bonus with the Bear’s Endurance (from the Enhance Ability spell), and with Stoneskin, she would only take half the damage.

That said, only 1/4 of the 135 turns would be the mother’s. Therefore, she’d endure 2d4 + her STR modifier of (halved) damage for about 33 turns. She would be protected by Stoneskin and Bear’s Endurance, as well as powerful paladin abilities like Aura of Vitality (regaining 2d6 HP with a bonus action) and the Death Ward spell.

There would also be plenty of healing spells from both sides, ensuring that it would be a safe childbirth. They have at their disposal: Aid, Cure Wounds, Healing Word, Healing Spirit, Mass Cure Wounds, and Heal.

Final verdict: It is, in fact, safe for a 1.65m drow to bear the twins of a 2m wood elf. Thank you for coming to my TED talk. :D

[outrunningthedark]

I think what all the "well, Oliver can´t win" people refuse to acknowldge is the fact that the problem here is not Oliver´s being silent on SM- because he most definetly is not. If he would go comepletely silent people would probably applaud him. But he takes care to put out something Eddie, Ryan or Buddie related quite regularly and everytime someone points this out you have a bunch of people on here rushing out the "well, Buddie are friends! it´s not his problem people read into it" defence. Ok? And Buck and Tommy are dating so were are those posts? How BoBs interpret his posts is not the issue here. The issue is that a lot of people get the feeling that Oliver seems extremly concerend with not offending a certain subset of this fandom after talking a great deal right after the kiss episode aired. And his efforts to not rock the boat don´t include just not posting Buck/Tommy stuff but actively going the other direction sometimes and throwing Buddie stuff out there. I don´t understand why people aren´t allowed to side eye this behaviour?

I think the people within our own side of fandom (I’m not trying to be disrespectful. I just don’t agree.) who are making excuses for what Oliver does are trying to go out of their way not to act like Buddies or in a way that can be compared to Buddies, tbh.

I mean, we see what happens every time someone tries to make a “both sides are bad” argument - they’re comparing sending death threats with posting a screenshot because “Tim mentioned both” or BuckTommy shippers being called racial and homophobic slurs with “BoBs” (which just means people who won’t accept anything but Buddie).

So if you’re 100% in Oliver’s corner on your page? Regardless of how you may feel in private? Well then you’re not part of the problem.

Maybe it’s the fact that I remember life before social media blew up. Maybe it’s because I most definitely got exposed to shitty behavior directed at me very early in life because of my circumstances and not because I got famous.

But I have very little patience for a grown ass man in his position letting teenagers get to him.

He chooses to be on social media. He chooses to operate his own account (apparently).

Don’t make a big deal about playing a queer character (for the second time, mind you; there was an incident pre-s7 where he told a homophobic fan he’d be proud to play a gay character) if you weren’t gonna be able to handle whatever negativity you KNEW was coming your way.

You know what Tim did when the social media stuff got too toxic? He stopped looking at it. Maybe Oliver should use that whole social media manager thing to his advantage while he has it 😉

[torchwood-99]

From your Thematic Headcanon ask game:

hc + 😡 for a headcanon about something that makes them angry

I totally LOVE stuff to get angry about! And I’m having a chaotic day, so it feels fitting!

Oh yes here we go!!!!

Eomer

People who abuse women. His love for Eowyn and his inability to save his mother instilled him early on with a fierce hatred of people who mistreat women. A hatred that goes beyond rationality sometimes, if he sees someone treat their wife or daughter harshly he will act first, think later, barging in on the situation without considering the ramifications of his actions, and how his interference could cause harm. That said, in the aftermath, once his rage has cooled, he always tries to help in a constructive way as well. This results in several laws for the protection of wives, daughters and other female kin being passed in his day.

People making fun of his beard. Stealing this headcanon, @konartiste, because of his Numenorean blood, it took Eomer longer to grow a beard than his peers, and even after it grows in it's not so naturally lustrous as theirs. He spends hours trimming it and brushing it to give it volume, and he can't grow it too long because it comes in patchy.

People who mistreat horses. Needs no further elaboration.

Eowyn

Feeling boxed in, confined, mollycoddled, overlooked, underrated, left out, overworked, exploited or generally done shit by because of her sex. Not a headcanon just canon but it's such a pressure point (rightfully so) it has to be said.

Being sick. She hates being sick. Her relationship with her body is fraught, because on the one hand she has suffered from being relegated to certain roles because of her gender, with the onset of puberty in particular hailing a stronger enforcement of gender roles in her life, but through training and effort she has been able to give her body a great deal of strength and skill, and so any feeling of "weakness" causes her to feel like her body is betraying her. Her periods are actually quite irregular, but when they come they can be truly painful, and this she hates above all else. Working as a healer makes her more forgiving of her own weakness, and her marriage to Faramir, who never treats her as less because she is a woman, (and introduces her to a lot of fun stuff her body can do and feel) makes her more at peace with her sex, but her monthlies still cause her a fair bit of frustration, as it really does dredge up the worst feelings she has about sex and weakness. Her first period itself was pretty traumatic, without a mother or female relative to help her through it. With her mother and aunts all dead, and her entry into womanhood being marked with blood and pain, womanhood seems interconnected with suffering and death, and it takes her a long time to put that all into perspective.

Impractical shoes. She hates shoes that pinch or have high heels. She hates any female specific fashion that significantly impedes movement or comfort. If it's inflicted on men and women alike, she can stomach it (like high collars on formal occasions) but anything that singles women out for discomfort/lack of mobility is her sworn enemy.

Also, side-saddles. Absolutely detests them. Side-saddles at the end of the third age, beginning of the fourth age, are the ones that have women sit entirely facing the side, and give women riders significantly less control over their horse than front facing saddles. Lothiriel's time as queen sees the development of more practical side saddles, that allow women decent control over their horses, which Eowyn grudgingly accepts, but still holds in dislike. She actively fights against Rohan adopting them for widespread use, because the reasons for women riding side-saddle (to protect their chastity) is an attitude she rightfully sees as harmful to women. As a result of her influence, the side-saddle comes to be seen as a fashion accessory, to show off a lady's gown on formal or ceremonial occasions, and women for the most part ride astride for sport and day to day use.

Faramir

Intellectual debates. He says he's always up for an intellectual debate, he says he loves discussing ancient texts and laws and poetry, but in truth he can't stomach people having different ideas to him, whether it be philosophy, history, art etc... He tries to play it cool, and when someone says something wrong, he is happy to explain to them why they are wrong. But if they insist on being wrong, it sends him into a cold, hard fury. He maintains decorum in front of them, but then rants for hours to Eowyn about it afterwards. The thing is, he usually is right, and usually the people disagreeing with him are wrong and wilfully so, but nonetheless, it makes him a little tiresome. When he actually is wrong, and it's explained to him, he takes it on board with good grace. It's just most of the time, he's in the right, so it makes him come across as intolerant of other people's views.

People underestimating his wife. He knows that under Eowyn's proud veneer, she suffers from self-esteem issues, and he gets very angry at people dismissing her or overlooking her, because he knows it causes these issues to flame up. Also, he thinks she's absolutely amazing, and as we've established, he struggles with people having different opinions

He can camp out in absolutely filthy conditions, and put up with dirt and blood and grime as part of being a soldier, but at home and in court life, he likes things neat an orderly. He's actually a bit precious about his fine clothes, and if there's a smudge or a stain, it bothers him like an itch until it's sorted out. Eowyn sometimes teases him by wearing her coronet at an angle, and watching him resist the urge to straighten it for her. (She likes it when he does, because he's very gentle when he does it, and takes the opportunity to run his fingers through her hair.)

[wayward-wren]

I'm hoping episode 3 let's Ruby see the dark side of the Doctor. I feel that adds a very important dynamic to a Doctor-companion relationship, when they see how dark he can be and still choose to travel with him early on.

Rose watching Nine drag Cassandra back to die. Eleven yelling at Amy "Nobody human has anything to say to me today!" Donna begging Ten to stop drowning the spider babies, and then again to go back and save someone in Pompeii.

Fifteen has been FUN and I know he can do emotional range, I've seen his fear and his tears already. But I want to see him dark, and I want to see Ruby respond to that. I think it would add a LOT of depth to their relationship and is something missing.

Plus showcasing the Doctor's flaws (selfishness) will make him a much more interesting character. I want to see some conflict between the Doctor and Ruby.

[soyboysace]

fourteen's small kiss on donna's hand while reassuring her is making me feral btw. like yes, yes, character development. they're showing physical and verbal affection towards those that they love now after years of being a sopping wet, piney, closed off motherfucker. but i still can't get my mind off that one tweet i saw that said that that small gesture really seals the deal in making u see the remnants of their impactful experiences in recent regenerations. this isn't ten all over again. the physical action is so late eleven/twelveclara experience coded with the added benefit of them being consistently verbally vulnerable, honest, and caring (which is something they lacked in in the past in general).

[theevilcactus]

if they vote Jess out instead of Jelinsky I’m gonna be so fucking annoyed y’all have no idea

[tibtew]

*clutching head* rodya and meursault would have such a good dynamic actually

I wonder if rodya would initially see meursault's indifference as like. a simpler version of her own feigned carefreeness and as a deliberate attempt to place himself as an outsider... only to realise that No, he really Is just Like That. and then she gets annoyed because it turns out that people who don't care about anything don't seem to be any fun.

(ofc he does actually care about a lot of things, just not necessarily his grander place in the world lol)

idk. nihilism vs absurdism. fun duo 👍 rodya would find meursault's genuine comfort with being a speck of dust in the universe baffling, while he would probably find her desire to assert her own importance pointless, but they could probably bond over little things like their shared desire to live in the present and appreciation of/indulgence in earthly joys. and meursault would probably listen if rodya wants to rant about anything without asking any uncomfortable questions. I think they could appreciate each other's presence.

[oceanmoss]

I should stfu abt it but truly my sister's fiance is such an immature bad person and she should break up w him in my humble opinion like I Want her to get married and be happy but he's a walking talking red flag literally astonishing how bad he is under the guise of introverted shy nerd uwu

[bonefall]

I actually really like what you’re doing with Crowfeather, he feels a bit like a foil to Bramblestar almost. They’re both prophesied Sundrown Patrol cats who end up being awful fathers and bad people. But, Crowfeather matures and changes his behavior. He can never fix what’s already broken, he’ll never be close to Breezepelt or his Grandkits, but Can still become a better person, and he’s still willing to put in the work to change.

Bramble is the opposite. He never matures, he changes for the worse. He looks at the broken shards of his relationships with Squirrel and The Three and instead of attempting to fix it he doubles down and drags the remains through the mud. He gets a second chance to be a good father, now to Spark and Alder, and without care or hesitation he tears opportunity apart. What’s already broken can never be fixed, but unlike Crowfeather he will never be willing to change just for the sake of being better.

Exactly, like... my intentions aren't to 'redeem' every bad parent or family member, or totally erase how they hurt their kids. I think it's especially important to show situations that can't be fixed, and people who never do get better.

But you don't have to be 'rewarded' with a person's time or attention to make that effort worth it. Being a better person has its rewards in the new bonds you can forge, and the meaning you can find in other things. You're never too far gone to be unworthy of happiness and fulfillment, even if there are things that will never be the same.

I think being like Bramble is a very lonely experience. It sucks to be like that. People end up drifting away from mistreatment, which just prompts the abuser to claw harder and hold on tighter to what they haven't already lost, in an endless loop. It's really sad AND infuriating, it's like watching someone try to fill a vertical hole with tears and blood.

It was really helpful to me in my own life to realize that, that a person can be hurting, and that still doesn't mean you personally need to give them the time of day. Real pain and trauma in the heart of someone who's hurting you does not entitle them. They can even be trying to make amends-- you don't need to be their salvation. Regret is just how wisdom turns a wound into a scar, y'know?

But anyway, glad to know that my Crowf changes are going over smoothly. I was a bit worried of the response, since I'm both trying to establish he has some serious differences from canon to establish he could be a competent leader AND still keep that he was an abusive father. I hope I'm hitting a good balance.

[grapejuicegay]

Li Ming is so painfully aware of how much he doesn't fit in. Not with his mom so now he lives with his uncle. Not with his uncle with them fighting all the time. Not with his friends when he has to go back home and work at the diner. Not with his friends when they discuss their plans after graduation. Certainly not with his friends when they discuss dates they want to go on and girls they find cute. Not with the work and study program he aims towards, not with his poor English skills. Not with the one friend he has somehow made in the middle of all this - although that one gets close.

In the middle of all of this, where you can see his physical discomfort at standing out and a yearning desire to fit in somewhere, he still makes an active effort to stand out with his bright red watch worn on his right hand while everyone around him wears theirs on their left.

Given the opportunity to fit in somewhere, he chose to stand out. All Li Ming wants is to fit in while being himself. All he wants is to feel like people around him would accept him.